#what's the word for the opposite of nostalgia?

[idiopathicsmile]

School Gymnastics: A Tragicomedy

So one day when we were in third grade, our P.E. teacher divided us into girls and boys. (I don’t remember what the boys had to do. Wrestling? Tackle football? I don’t know, probably not at age nine, but that’s not the point. Gladiatorial combat? I still don’t really understand kids’ sports.)

What matters for this story is that all the girls had to do gymnastics. Now—and I suspect this won’t surprise you if you know literally anything about me—I was always terrible at any form of school athletics. I am intensely, almost impressively uncoordinated. This doesn’t affect my life much at 36, but it was often a miserable way to be a kid. The only playground game I liked was playing pretend, because when you are playing pretend, you don’t have a bunch of people ostensibly on your side screaming in your ear, “Pretend faster! Pretend over there! Pretend with greater accuracy!”

Anyway, gymnastics and my clumsy, doughy little body. I couldn’t do a cartwheel. I couldn’t do a backwards somersault. I couldn't do any of it. We had an entire unit on this business and I literally did not learn how to even safely attempt a single move besides the log roll (lie flat and roll sideways on your belly). In retrospect, this seems like maybe it was in part a teaching problem, not a me problem, but that’s actually not the point either.

The point is, at the end of the unit, we were told to divide ourselves into little teams and choreograph a group gymnastics routine. My group, faced with my long list of limitations (more limitation than girl, really) decide my role will be to just forwards-somersault around the rest of the group as they do their moves. (This is itself kind of embarrassing but trust me, it is but the appetizer.) My friend Ashley has the Lion King soundtrack and we all agree that it is a great choice. The movie has only come out a couple of years earlier, and it of course features some funny, peppy options. 'Hakuna Matata'? 'I Just Can't Wait to Be King'? It's all coming together.

Carried on a wave of youthful enthusiasm, none of us even think to double-check which track Ashley has picked. Foreshadowing!

So the day of the performance comes. Another group goes right before us. They had picked “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, which was a huge hit at the time. I mean, it still is because it’s a classic, but then it was big and new. They step onto the mat and immediately begin to do choreographed dance moves, which they have worked into their routine. We had not thought of this. Oops. Dance moves, of course! So they incorporate the necessary gymnastics, it goes over really well, the energy is high, and now it’s my group’s turn.

I take my place at the edge of the mat, the mat we are required to stay on for the length of the piece. Ashley cues up the track she’d chosen.

A song starts up. Instantly, I recognize it from the movie. It is the very slow instrumental music that plays when Simba realizes his dad is dead.

‘Well, this is not optimal,’ I think. I've been on this planet for nine years; I can see that much. But it’s too late to change the track, and so I tell myself, ‘It’s okay. I’m a performer. I can sell this.’ I put on an extremely solemn face and begin to execute a series of the world’s saddest somersaults.

Friends, when I say “sad” I mean it, in every possible sense of the word. Picture a nine year old with the gravest possible affect, determinedly doing somersaults to the slowest, most serious music she can imagine, in a careful ring around her friends who have actually learned any gymnastics whatsoever. Okay, now as the music starts to pick up and get more hopeful, imagine she gets real dizzy and in front of everyone, she rolls all the way directly off the mat, careening dangerously towards the assembled students.

Somehow, I roll myself back onto the mat, we survive what feels like hours of humiliation, we stagger away, and I blessedly avoid adding “puking my guts out in front of all of my peers” to my very short list of gymnastics tricks.

Later, I asked Ashley what in the world possessed her to choose that song.

“It didn’t have any words,” she said.

(There was absolutely no rule against using songs that had lyrics.)

Anyway, that’s why being an adult is better than being a kid.

I may have to do laundry and make my own dinner and wrestle with more complex existential angst, but you know what I haven’t been asked to do in like 26 years? Somersault for three minutes straight to the musical shorthand for “this cartoon lion cub has no choice but to process the weight of unimaginable grief for his dead dad.” And you know what? If I live another 50 years, I can be pretty confident nobody will ask me to do it then, either.

[little-miss-vader]

His Best Girl.

Pairing: Anakin x Jedi!Fem Reader

Summary: You two used to be thick as thieves but The Council split you up. Anakin isn't having that go on any longer.

Warnings: 18+ !!!! SMUTTY !!!! Taking virginity, jealousy, restraint, dirty talk/praise kink, hair pulling, dominance, "master" kink, neck kissing, biting, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, etc.

A/N: Y/N/N means your nick name! Inspo from a drabble by @skywlker-sluvtt about the reader being a virgin/inexperienced. Surprise! It's a long one again. I haven't ever written one shots this long idk what's come over me. (It's Anakin. Anakin has come over me.) I love the anakin x jedi reader trope and I can world build forever with it. Anyways, enjoy you filthy animals and thank you so much for the love!! <3 Y'all have made me feel very welcome here.

Word Count: 4.4k

You were just a little girl when you were taken in by the Jedi Council. You remember how wide your eyes were as you watched the planet of Coruscant get closer and closer. You were 8. Anakin was 11. You both clicked quickly and were essentially glued to each others hips. You’d talk yourselves into trouble, sneak out to go stare at the stars at midnight and throw food at each other in the dining hall instead of eating.

When you were children that was fine, it was nothing a stern talking to couldn’t fix. As you grew older, the council began to take strict measures to ensure you two would only be together when absolutely necessary. They decided it was in both of your best interests to stay away from each other and the bond you two shared eventually dwindled. Instead of whispering while a Master was attempting to do their teaching, the two of you would barely exchange glances. You’d walk silently in a single file line to the dining hall, no longer bothering to take the heat for walking next to each other.

The whispering and laughing turned into polite nods and common greetings said in passing. You’d walk right by him and bow your head at him, he’d reciprocate with a fairly neutral expression gracing his features. You’d always feel his head turn to look back at you as you walked in opposite direction, he found himself often wishing he could call over his shoulder and tease you and tell you your form needed work or that your footwork was a mess like he used to when you were young.

You were 19 now. Anakin was 22. You’d barely looked at each other or spoken for longer than a few moments in years. The fear of going against the Councils wishes outweighed your nostalgia for the friendship you once shared. You wanted to be great and so did Anakin. So the two of you focused on becoming the people you’d both dreamed of being.

It wasn’t long until Anakin was knighted. The ceremony was filled with toasts and speeches. You sat with the small group of girls that you had become friendly with over the years and ate your meticulously prepared meal. Anakin sat next to Obi-Wan, along with the other Jedi Masters at the long table at the front of the room. You wished you could give him a hug, congratulate him, tell him he deserved the praise he was getting. He had grown so much you often had a hard time recognizing the little boy you once knew.

You did your fair share of filling out as well. Anakin didn’t let that go unnoticed as his eyes would trail over you when you’d find yourselves in a shared space. When he thought you weren’t looking his eyes would take in every inch of you but you could feel him. You felt every movement of his eyes on you and you could never bare it so you’d often excuse yourself.

That trend continued tonight and as you sat in the large dining hall you felt eyes looking over you. It was such a strong gaze you could practically feel it like fingers touching on the skin under your Jedi appointed uniform. You shivered as you placed your fork next to your plate. Your eyes darted over to Anakin who, to no surprise, was looking right at you. Your tongue darted out to soften your suddenly dry lips and you pressed them into a hint of a smile. He returned the small smile and looked back at Obi-Wan who was proudly speaking to him about their last mission together.

The feeling of his gaze made your stomach flip and you stood up, excusing yourself politely. The need to use the bathroom as a safe space to calm yourself grew within you. You walked through the rows of tables, still feeling a set of eyes on you, and felt a hand lightly grasp your arm and your head snapped to look down at a boy you had trained with once before smiling up at you from his chair. He had dark short hair and piercing green eyes.

“You look nice tonight.” He smiled at you and you raised an eyebrow. “I look the same as I always do.” You muttered, confused and still feeling eyes on you. The gaze harshened and you dropped your head, ignoring it. “Yeah but.. Your hair. You left it down. It’s nice.” He smiled again, he was handsome but this really was not your prerogative. You smiled politely at him and mumbled a thanks to get the interaction over with before scurrying to the bathroom.

Anakin looked between you and the boy as you two spoke, desperately trying to read lips, focus on your voices through the Force, anything to know what was going on. When you smiled he felt his hand tighten around the glass he was raising to his lips. There was a level of possessiveness that Anakin held on to when it came to you. Growing up you were his best friend. His favorite. His best girl. Now you were effectually strangers and it killed him a little every day when you’d curl your perfect lips into a shy smile at him, or wave your soft looking hand at him in passing. He didn’t act on it now when he saw the way the guys would look at you and talk to you but he sure as hell felt jealousy bubble up within him every time it happened. He placed the glass down a little harder than even he expected, his hands pushed against the table so he could stand up. He adjusted his robe as he stood and looked at Obi-Wan. “I’ll be right back.” He muttered as he stepped away from the commotion in the dining hall. He made sure to slip past the boy who had been speaking to you, standing tall and walking confidently. The quiet washed over him as the door of the dining hall closed behind him.

You were standing in the bathroom in front of one of the giant mirrors at the sinks. Your hand combed its way through the ends of your hair, as you tried to make the soft natural curls you had look more presentable. You sighed in frustration when they simply stayed the way they were. You pulled your Jedi robe down and tucked it further into your utility belt to make it look less lumpy from sitting down. The small amount of makeup you had attempted to put on looked alright but it made you mad regardless. Why couldn’t it just look perfect? You thought. You groaned and placed your hands on the corner of the counter, leaning toward your own reflection. You’d never cared about what you looked like before but something about that boys words made your mind go straight to over thinking. “So stupid.” You whispered to yourself.

You felt something, or somebody near you. The Force wasn’t hard to navigate when it was this quiet and your eyes darted to the reflection of the door behind you in the mirror. You watched the door crack open and a sandy blonde head peered in. Anakin pushed the rest of the door open and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He made sure to lock it incase somebody came in and gave him shit for being in the women’s lavatory.

“What’re you doing in here?” You whispered, turning around to face him. You took a few steps toward him, only enough for your voice to travel to him without having to raise it. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the beam next to him. His broad shoulders raised and dropped and he looked over you again. “Just wanted to check on you.” He spoke with a small smile on his lips. Maker, you could tackle him to the ground when he did that.

You took a deep breath and looked around the room as you thought of what to say next. “Why would you check on me?” Your eyebrow raised slightly. “Wanted to make sure that little creep didn’t come in here with you.” His words were laced with an emotion you weren’t familiar with and you were taken aback. “Little creep? What are you-“ Your head raised a bit as you realized who and what he was talking about. “Him? He’s just somebody I practiced with one time. I wouldn’t- I’ve never..” Your brain found it increasingly hard to find the right words as you watched Anakin. His strong arms were still crossed over his large chest and he tightened his jaw every time you stuttered.

With a prompt shake of his head he took a step forward, his tongue pushed against the front of his teeth as he smiled with an unbelieving expression. “You’ve never what?” He said, his voice was surprisingly venomous as he spoke to you, you hadn’t gotten a chance to realize how tall he’d gotten until he stepped closer and towered over you. “Done something like that.” Your eyes dropped to gaze at the floor as you muttered the words that he had forced out of you.

There was silence for a moment. His thumb and pointer finger slipped under your chin and grasped it gently to make you look up at him. His blue eyes were a bit darker than normal and your heart skipped a beat at the close proximity you were in now. “Never?” He asked, his interrogation was completely unexpected. You opened and closed your mouth and decided to nod your head instead of let yourself try to speak again. He continued to stare down at you, his eyes searching yours for even a hint of dishonesty. He never found it. “Still my best girl..” He mumbled and your eyebrows pushed together. You hadn’t heard him say that in years though now, it seemed to have a bit of a different meaning to it.

“You’ve grown so much, Y/N/N.” He whispered as his face neared yours. You gulped the access saliva in your mouth down as you responded. “You have too, Ani.” Your words came out weak, you didn’t have the same confidence you normally carried yourself with and it made Anakin smirk. Your soft voice saying the nickname he only allowed you to use made his length twitch in his pants ever so slightly. He hummed and it was almost inaudible. Something about being the only one to know you as well as he did ignited something within him.

“You’ve grown.. But you’ve never had anything special.. Have you?” He whispered. “Something that made you feel good..” His words wrapped around you like an electric blanket and his hand moved to cup your cheek while his thumb caressed it. Your breathing shook and your eyes widened at his words. “N-no.” You muttered through your labored breathing. You could sense how excited this was making him and it was making you feel like you could throw up from anticipation of his next moves. Your cheeks reddened and your ears burned as he looked between your eyes and your lips. “Nobody’s ever gotten to feel those pretty lips? Or hear what could fall from between them?” You gasped quietly at his words and shook your head, your eyes never left his. His thumb moved to trace your lips gently and your eyes rolled back for a fraction of a second. His expression seemed to get more and more intense, his own breathing became a bit heavier.

“And those hands… Nobody’s ever felt how soft and useful they can be?” His free hand traced a finger down your arm before grabbing your hand. Your head was spinning as you shook your head again and he laughed softly. “Can’t even talk.. So fucking innocent.” He growled into your ear and your breath caught in your throat loudly. He smiled at the reactions he was getting from you. He used his grasp on your hand to turn the both of you around so your back was against the wall and he pinned your hand above your head.

“Anakin..” You muttered, your face was bright red and your breath just couldn’t be caught. His warm body pressed up against yours and you whimpered involuntarily at the feeling. He smirked at the reaction and began to place the softest of kisses on your neck, jaw, cheeks, and corners of your mouth. You bit your lip and took deep breaths through your nose. “Please kiss me.” You whined and his head lifted, eyes shining at you. He seemed physically unable to wipe the cunning smile off his face as he pressed his lips against yours. They were hot and soft, causing you to practically melt into him.

It was deep and longing, the feeling behind the kiss. He was smothering you and you couldn’t breathe but it was all worth it. Small breaths were caught between kisses and he stopped to whisper against your lips. “Open..” And you did. You opened your mouth for him and he immediately sucked on your tongue. You gasped and your eyes snapped open to see his still fluttered closed as he tangled his muscle with yours through open mouthed kisses. Your eyes squeezed shut again when his free hand palmed your breast, pushing upward, grabbing it and repeating. His name left your lips and his hips bucked toward yours ever so gently.

“Master Anakin.” He groaned, correcting you against your lips and you complied. “Master Anakin..” You whispered as your head bounced back against the wall in pleasure and you kept it there because he immediately moved his lips down to your neck. He left bites and sucked gently, even blowing on where he left his saliva and you flinched harder causing your free hand to snap up and grab hold of his hair. Your legs squeezed together as you stood against the wall for some kind of release and he stuck his knee between your legs.

“That’s my job.” He growled against your neck. He pushed your pants down with aggression and you kicked them off your feet. He sat on his knees in front of you and grabbed onto your hips, his fingers squeezed into your ass and you moaned. Your legs felt shaky as he sat with his face mere inches away from your heat. You eyed him with wide, curious eyes. You’d never felt like this before. Your now unrestrained hands pushed his hair back from his face and he peered up at you as he slid a finger between your folds. You let out a sound comparable to a squeak at the new feeling and he smirked.

“So wet… All for me, hm?” He whispered as he slid a single finger into your tight hole. Your eyes squeezed shut and you let out a breathy whimper. He laughed when you weren’t able to respond, your innocent nature made him feel dirty and perverted. He was eating it up as he slid in and out of you slowly, getting you used to the feeling. He pushed himself against your legs to keep your knees from buckling when he felt them shake even more, his free hand reached up and fondled your tits and it doubled as a way to keep you standing. His thumb pressed against your clit and he could feel it pulsating, causing another chuckle to leave his swollen lips. “So fucking eager.” He said with his eyes staring deep into yours as he slid a second finger inside of you. A yelp escaped your lips and you squirmed while he pushed his thumb against your clit and fingered you with one hand and rolled your nipple between his fingers with his other hand. You clenched around his fingers and he shushed you gently.

“Breathe, just let me make you feel good. Relax..” He whispered as he kept a slow and steady pace. You took a few breaths through gritted teeth and it made the pleasure feel all that much better as you relaxed around him. “That’s my girl.” He cooed as he circled his thumb around your clit and curved his fingers toward him causing him to push against the sensitive top wall of your pussy. A gasp escaped and you whined his name as he left kisses all over your hip bones. The warmth sent shivers down your back. Anakin removed his thumb when your eyes squeezed shut and you felt something warm and wet replace it on your clit. A louder gasp escaped your lips when you opened your eyes and saw his mouth on your clit and one of your hands gripped his hair tighter while the other flew toward your mouth in shock at the noise you made. He groaned at the feeling of you pulling his hair and the vibrations made another moan leave your mouth, barricaded by your hand.

“No need to be quiet. Nobody’s coming here..” He whispered and you remember he’d locked the door. You dropped your other hand back into his hair as he lapped away at your clit. The taste made him want to absolutely devour you and he tried his best to get as close as he could to doing so. His fingers moved quicker when he felt you begin to clench again and his tongue went from soft, flat licking to quick, pointed flicking.

“Such a pretty pussy..” He whispered into you. You felt something begin to tighten in your stomach and your back arched, causing you to grind on his face and your cheeks reddened when you realized how good it felt. You swung your hips back and forth desperately and whined his name out as you grinded on his face while he licked and finger fucked you. He smiled when he realized you’d never have known you liked to grind on his face without him, it filled him with pride and he felt his cock press against the zipper of his pants making them feel much tighter now.

One last flick of his tongue and curl of his fingers sent you spiraling over the edge, gasping for air and moaning.

“Oh gods, Master.” You exclaimed with a shaky voice between your moans as your body shook with ecstasy. You’d never felt like this before, your eyes screwed shut as you began to see little dots collect in your vision and you felt a little bit of fluid come out of your pussy, soaking his chin and fingers. He growled at the feeling and pulled his fingers out. He reached his hand to your lips as he stood up in front of you and you opened your mouth willingly. “Such a good girl for me.” He whispered as your eyes rolled back at the taste of yourself on him. When you opened your eyes again after collecting yourself you found his pants were already on the floor and he was working on the tedious layers on his top half. He threw his clothes to the side and caged you in against the wall with a grunt. You felt something long raise up between your legs and hit your pussy and you gasped. Your curious gaze found the culprit and you swore your eyes bulged out of your head.

His hands found their way to your thighs and he pulled on them, you jumped up and wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms swung around his neck, squeezing as if you’d fall if you let go. He chuckled. “I’m not gonna drop you.” He said in the cocky tone you knew and adored. Your arms loosened and your stomach flipped when you realized it was his strong arms keeping you levitating in front of him. Another groan escaped his lips at the flustered look on your face and you looked at him through your lashes with dazed, drooped eyes. He smirked and removed one hand to pump his cock as it teased your entrance. How could something that big fit inside of me? You thought to yourself as you labored your breathing. He sensed your nerves.

“You’ll be okay. You can take this, I know you can. You’re my best girl.” He cooed into your ear as you felt his tip push against your virgin hole. You bit on your lip and immediately felt his lips push against you gently. You let go and reciprocated the gentle kiss as he soaked himself in your juices for a moment and pushed the head in. You sucked in a sharp breath and your eyes stung. He looked at you. “Just like before, Y/N/N. Relax… You’re such a good girl.. You can take it.” He groaned between his own words at the feeling of your pussy around his cock. You took a few deep breaths as he slowly sheathed himself into you, his hip bones hit yours and he stopped to let you adjust.

“Good girl.. So fucking tight.” He whispered again, encouraging you to relax and you did. You let out a few more deep, shaky breaths and nodded to him, words weren’t exactly a possibility right now. He smiled and pushed his lips against yours to distract you a bit before he started to move slowly. In and out. In and out. His kisses migrated down your chin to your neck and you pushed your head against the wall. Your chest was rising and falling quicker and quicker as the discomfort began to feel like pleasure. You clenched a bit and moaned when it began to feel better, Anakin took that as his signal to pick up the pace. He stroked the inside of your pussy quicker and quicker, moving all the way to his head before pushing back into you. His grip on your hips tightened and he moaned against your neck. Your hands reached for his hair again, he seemed to enjoy when you did that and it gave you something to tether you to this plane of existence.

“You’re doing such a good job at taking my cock.” He moaned and your eyes rolled back into your head again. Your jaw went slack when he adjusted you to be a bit higher and his dick slid against your g-spot. The noises you were emitting were uncontrollable now. Gasps, whimpers and moans all fell through with the occasional, “Oh Master..” thrown in.

“So pretty with my cock in you… Nobody knows you like I do… They never will.” He grunted as he began to thrust with more aggression and desperation than before. He wanted to feel every inch of you, every crevice and every ridge. Your brain mustered up the power to respond. “They never will… I only want you.. I always have.” Your words came out in between gasps. You let out another moan and squirmed when his fingers dig further into the soft skin on your hips.

His free hand moved one of your hands from his hair to your tits and he leaned back to watch you palm and pinch away at them. His eyes darkened and his teeth gnawed down on his lower lip as he watched. The sight itself was enough to make a man cum in his pants. He watched you play and squirm while you moaned his name and he began to fuck you faster. You almost screamed at the feeling, your voice echoed through the bathroom and you didn’t care at all.

You felt a familiar feeling build up in you and you pulled your other hand from his hair to rub your clit the same way he’d shown you. “Look at you.. Doing what I taught you.” He groaned as he continued his rampage on your pussy. The feeling of both your clit and hole being ravaged caused you to arch your back again and this time he hit a spot he hadn’t before. “Oh fuck.” You exclaimed as you rubbed away at your swollen set of nerve endings quicker, desperately trying to pull the orgasm out. He leaned in and began to kiss you with an open mouth, tongues fought and you could taste the sweat from his upper lip. You clenched around his cock as you let out another orgasm and your convulsing pussy sent him over the edge. His strokes got sloppy and his breath came out of his nose in short, repetitive bursts. He soaked your walls with his milk and you moaned at the feeling of your mixed liquids trickling down to your thigh as he slowed down again.

He let your legs fall and his hands moved to your waist as he slipped out of you and your feet hit the ground as a way of steadying you. Your vision was slightly blurred as you both attempted to catch your breath. His forehead leaned against yours and his hot breath hit your lips. He leaned in for another kiss and this one was gentle and sweet. You moaned softly into it. “So much better than I’d hoped.” He whispered into your mouth and a blush formed on your cheeks again. He handed your clothes to you and you put them on shakily. When you were both dressed he held you close to him, hands gripping your waist with a gentleness that hadn’t been there when he was fucking you.

“They won’t keep us apart again.” He said softly, staring into your eyes and you smiled. “Never.” You responded and placed another kiss on his lips. He smiled into it and brought you closer by the small of your back before pulling away. “They’re probably wondering where we went.” He chuckled and you smiled in response. He gave you one last kiss on your nose before unlocking the door and slipping out of the bathroom. You waited a few minutes, fixing your hair and now non-existent makeup before following his steps toward the dining hall.

The party had gone smoothly and you didn’t catch a break from the girls you were sitting with about being gone so long. You laughed and brushed them off. The three of you walked towards your own dormitories after taking showers and getting ready for bed. “Goodnight, ladies.” You spoke as you closed your door and got comfortable in your bed. You were giddy and your body felt electric as your mind ran through the memories of the night. It hadn’t been more than an hour before you heard your door open and your head turned towards the light creeping in. Anakin slipped in and shut your door behind him, a smirk graced his face as shock blanketed yours.

“Gods, I missed that pretty face.” He spoke as he approached you. You sat up and smiled up at him. It was going to be a long night.

[moncherellie]

𓆩⚝˚‧no room for the holy spirit ♱꙳˚₊‧

a/n: finally it's here! been screaming into the void abt this one for... ever. a thousand thank yous to @thirsting-over-women who proofread this for me :>> my savior actually. if the religious themes offend you (whether you are religious or have trauma) i encourage you not to read, maybe check out my other works instead :D

content/warnings: 4,500 words, preachers daughter!ellie x fem!reader, nsfw, reader wears a skirt, semipublic/car sex, fingering, oral (r receiving), reader's first wlw experience, sexual awakening?, religious motif, christian themes, mild religious guilt throughout, mentions of religious homophobia, internalized homophobia, ellie smokes a lil, she's a bit mean, fuckin in a church parking lot

The pressures of being a teenage girl were hard enough without the pressures of being a gay teenage girl. Being a gay teenage girl was hard enough without the pressures of being the daughter of a fucking preacher. Ellie had never really bought into the whole 'organized religion' thing, ever the skeptic. Even as a puny 8-year-old, she asked why she had to wake up early every Sunday for something she didn't even like doing. Her attitude didn't change much after that, but her parents got stricter and stricter in an attempt to control her sacrilege. She didn't spend much time with her family, instead seeking familial bonds at school, especially with her mechanics teacher, Mr. Miller. But, you know what they say:

Strict parents raise sneaky children.

And it's true. If Ellie's dad knew what she was doing outside the holy walls of the ministry, he'd have an aneurysm and have her exorcised. But, she always thought, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

You were the opposite. Raised the same as Ellie, you took to religion and fully participated, though mostly out of obligation. Just go every week for an hour and your family will leave you alone. This tactic, for the most part, worked. Your traditional family had their rough moments, specifically when they mocked the outfits you'd wanted to wear to service and called you some... unsavory names. But if you could avoid any similar incident, any clash with authority, you were taking the holy road.

On the outside, you were the purest of people. There was never a bad or dirty thought in your mind. You were a pillar of the community, someone that parents pointed out to their kids. "Be like them," they'd say. Your parents were proud, so you should've been proud. Should've.

You and Ellie had grown up quite close due to being in similar social groups and seeing each other every week at service. Since then, you'd grown apart as you took different paths in life, though you still felt a sense of commitment toward her; So when she cursed out her father in front of the clergy, your eyes widened.

"You fucking dick! You don't know shit about anything! You use all this- this... bullshit- as a crutch so you don't have to own up to your own baggage!"

As she stormed out, you silently move from your spot in the choir, doe eyes shining in the bath of stained glass light, and shuffle up to the front of the room.

"Father, if I may, I would like to go check on your daughter." You're a model fixture, a saint.

"Of course, my child. I hope someday she'll be more like you. I pray that-" You shuffle off again, not wanting to hear about how he wishes his daughter was different. He really wishes his child hid who she was, you think bitterly. You admired Ellie's rebellion, though you'd never say it, and you wished you were as strong as her.

You walk away from the church to the little park you and Ellie used to go to. Your memories flood with nostalgia for simpler times, and you smile to yourself, pleasantly strolling through the large trees and foliage and looking for the rough girl. You find her crouching against a tree, squatting with her head between her legs.

Is she crying?

"... Ellie? Are you alright?" You whisper, not wanting to startle her.

You notice Ellie tense up before quickly standing up and whipping around to face you, a hand behind her back. "Oh! It's... you. Hey. Aren't you s'posed to be inside?"

"Yeah, but I just wanted to check on you. That was intense in there."

"Mhm, I'm good. Just needed some, ah, fresh air. Y'know?" She sounds a little too jolly, weirdly chipper. It's suspicious.

"Uh-huh," you say, unconvinced. "Whatcha got there?" You point to whatever she's trying to conceal.

She knows she's been caught. Her attitude suddenly shifts from faux-innocence to her usual snarky persona as she rolls her eyes, leaning against the tree and revealing what she had. She brings her hand up to her lips. "Nothing."

"Ellie!" You shriek. "You can't do that! Where'd you even get a cigarette?"

She laughs as if you'd said the funniest thing imaginable. "You think this is a cigarette? Are you stupid? No offense. But are you stupid?"

You scoff. "No! I mean, you're smoking it. What else am I supposed to guess?"

"A blunt, idiot. Kush. Mary Jane. Weed. Ma-ri-jua-na." She spells out for you like you're a toddler.

You cross your arms defensively. "Okay, I know what weed is, smart guy. You still shouldn't have it. Where's it from?"

"Stole it. I just wanted to see why people liked it so much. They say it relieves stress, and I think yes." Ellie grins lazily, eyes lidded. "I got another. You want?"

The answer to your question only makes you freak out more. "No! And you stole?! You stole? Oh my goodness, Ellie, you're gonna get us thrown in jail or something!"

Ellie wordlessly watches your breakdown, eyes red and amused, the corner of her mouth turned up. "Relax, man, it's barely illegal. Who's calling the cops for a single gram? Don't be lame like that."

"Lame?" You scoff. "Are you a first grader? Ellie, it's against the law, you could go to prison. And it's not juvie anymore, you're gonna go to real jail!" Your hands flail around wildly as you explain the repercussions of her actions.

"Jail..." She rolls her eyes.

"Yes, jail! That's kinda what happens when you steal something, Ellie!" The high-pitched, prissy tone with which you said her name was starting to annoy her, but the way you looked when flustered was intriguing. Maybe in another context, she'd enjoy hearing her name fall from your lips.

Ellie takes another hit, looking up at you. She tilts her head, asking if you're being serious. "Jail? Over a single blunt? Who cares that much?"

You gasp when you realize: "I'm an accomplice!"

"You're not an accessory just because you're here." She chuckles as the wind blows past and carries her smoke near your head as you duck dramatically and swat away the smoke. She looks at you for a moment, slightly smiling. Her green eyes meet yours briefly before turning her attention back to the joint.

"Why are you using it anyway? It smells rancid."

"Already told you. I wanna know why people do it. It relieves stress and I'm plenty stressed. Plus, I look dope as shit with it, right?" Ellie leans against the tree, and a small part of you wants to say yeah, you do. "You should try it. Maybe get that stick out of your ass."

"You're gonna get addicted."

"God, it's just this once. What are you gonna do, tell my dad?" She chuckles to herself, taking a long drag.

She checks you out, head to toe, examining the flowy fabrics and neat hair and the Mary Jane shoes that drive her crazy. Who wears those? Her gaze returns to meet yours, and she looks utterly dumbfounded by you. Your eyebrows furrow as you see how her expression changes. "What's that look for?"

She shrugs nonchalantly. "I dunno. You're just so robotic. It's like you never think about stepping the teensiest bit out of line. It's creepy. You've never had an independent thought in your life. Have you ever done anything even remotely rebellious?"

You make a noise that seems to say Well why would I? "No! Of course not! And you shouldn't either, I mean look at your dad, he's-"

Her voice raises, a tone you've never heard and don't care to hear again. "-My father? You mean the preacher?" She mocks. "What about him? You don't know anything about my father." Ellie's look hardens, eyes steely and mouth pursed into a thin line. It's a look you've seen maybe twice before, both in much more tense situations. Her voice says that you can't change her mind. You don't care to try. Whatever she's referencing, you believe her.

"Okay. Okay... sorry." You say gently, losing the defensive energy you'd held a moment ago. Ellie sighs and takes an irritated puff. To relax, you think.

"And you always apologize. It's so weird. You need to loosen up a bit." Another long, somehow sarcastic hit. "What's the worst thing you've *ever* done?"

An embarrassing, very private thought crosses your mind. You obviously can't tell her what you think about at night- you're barely able to admit to yourself that you have such impure thoughts. Instead, you shake your head. "Can't- I can't think of anything."

You watch her forest green eyes roll up, then down. It's a very familiar expression on her. "Thought so." She grins up at you, and you look away into the treeline nervously. "Do you wanna try something fun?"

"Is it... illegal?"

"No. Don't worry about that." She motions for you to come closer, so you take a tentative step forward, eyeing her like a wild animal. She hates the way you look at her, making her feel alien. Just because she lives authentically. It makes her want to ruin you, to have you stoop down to her level. Then maybe you won't look at her as if she were extraterrestrial.

You need an attitude adjustment, you need to chill the fuck out, you needed to get fucked, and hard. Ellie thinks she can help you with that.

She grins that toothy smirk as she watches you step closer, taking a puff and placing the blunt between her slender fingers. She doesn't miss the way your eyes trail the two long fingers that hold it. You wonder if she's doing this on purpose.

Ellie backs you up against a tree, and you recognize is as the same old oak that you would climb with her as kids. The branches and bark have left scars on you that Ellie helped you heal. She wonders how they look now.

Your back hits the trunk with an unceremonious thump, and you startle. Ellie keeps walking toward you, now getting uncomfortably close. "Uh- so what are we..." You trail off, thinking she'll explain what she's doing right in your face. She doesn't.

Her arm raises, trapping you between the tree and her body as she studies you. It makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but feels incredibly electric at the same time- it's a sensation you've only felt around her, though you don't know why. She takes another hit and you nervously look away.

She tilts your jaw back to look at her. You have to face her pretty green eyes, unwavering as she stares you down, while you sneak glances just to check if she's still there. Your breath speeds up when she leans closer.

Ellie puts her stupid pink slightly chapped adorable smiling lips near the base of your neck.

"What are you doing?" You say breathlessly. You swear that you feel her ghosting over your skin, so close, yet not as close as you want her. Maybe if you lean in...

Before you can, she breathes out her smoke, lightly trailing her lips down your neck. Her tongue comes out to prod at the skin, tasting you. You whine. The smoke envelops the two of you, and your nose crinkles at the foul smell. You look down to chastise her but she's already looking at you with those eyes and that cheeky look. No matter what you say next to defend yourself, you know you're caught, that Ellie knows she's affected you. It's in your eyes, the way you've seized up so tightly, how you look at her like you can't wait to see what she does next.

She presses a chaste kiss on your collarbone and you crane your neck upward. You're not sure if you're trying to get away or if you're giving her more access. She pulls away and you find yourself leaning forward to try to get her back on you.

"Is that the most rebellious thing you've ever done?" She chuckles, taking another drag and blowing it over you, bathing you in the white haze. "You like being treated like that, huh?"

You shiver. "I don't get it," you say dumbly. You've never been this confused.

"What don't you get? I just think it's fun to make you squirm." She thinks you've had enough and blows her next exhale away from you. "I wanna corrupt you, sweetheart." It sounds derogatory coming from her but you find that you don't mind the tone. The spot Ellie had made contact with feels as if it's burning. You crave for that feeling all over your body.

You stammer over your words, pathetically unable to spit out any sort of coherent reaction to her. Any reaction would be better to tripping over your words. Fed up with trying to sound like a person, you decide to stop talking.

"You enjoyed that huh? Admit it." She inhales and repeats her action. "Makes you feel hot inside."

"What? No- no, are you insane?" The sane part of you is telling you that you shouldn't be doing this, especially not with Ellie fucking Williams of all people. She's everything you aren't- she's rude and snarky and devilish... and tall and strong and hot. Oh shit! The batshit insane part of you is slowly melting the angel on your shoulder, and you can basically see the little devil cackling as you feel yourself straying further from the good girl persona you'd cultivated. You feel your heartbeat in your pants.

Ellie begins to kiss down your neck, sucking and licking at your jaw and collarbone. This time, you're acutely aware that you're actively giving her access to do as she pleases with you. "Maybe I'm insane, but I can tell. You did like it. And if you deny, I'll do it again until you tell the truth."

"Well I didn't, so you can forget about-"

She places her thumb on your lower lip as you start your tirade, effectively shutting you up. "Too late." Ellie leans in and before you know it, her lips are on yours. Her arm snakes around the back of your waist and pulls you as close to her as you've ever been. That warm feeling flushes down your body, leaving chills across your skin. More. All you can think is that you want more. Your hands come up to grip her shoulders, you almost want to push her away, but you find yourself pulling her closer and closer. No room for the Holy Spirit.

Ellie pulls away, smugly looking down at you. "Told you you liked it."

"I didn't say that." You were being a contrarian on purpose at this point. Anything to keep Ellie treating you like this- you wanted to prolong this moment for however long you could. She hoists you up, bringing you out of the park and into the back of the parking lot. She throws you into the backseat of her beaten pickup and crawls atop you with darkened eyes.

You squeal in surprise. "El-lie!"

She continues to kiss you, making you wetter by the second. The heat pooling in your panties is so fucking embarrassing, but you find that you don't care how humiliating this is. You just want more.

"Els, what if someone sees?"

She scoffs as if the idea is preposterous; as if the prospect of getting caught is impossible. "Nobody can see us, and they won't leave until later. Don't stress about it." Ellie bites her lip and it makes your body get hot flushes. "I can do whatever I want to you. But you know what? I think you'd let me. Is that right?"

"...Maybe." Read: Yes, yes, anything! She leans down, placing her hand on the back of your neck and pulling your head closer up towards her. Her hand forces your legs apart further to allow her access. The way she lays on your inner thighs, atop your clothed core, makes you feel lightheaded. You love the way she manhandles you, and it's exactly how you thought she'd be. Every time she adjusts her position, your clit rubs against her and sends jolts of electricity up your body.

"I knew it. You're not as perfect as you try to be. You're dirty."

You want to deny it, you really do, but the evidence is clear. You're disheveled under her, lips swollen from hers, and she's pulling your panties to your ankles and shoving them in her jacket pocket, yet you're ashamed to say that you don't feel an ounce of guilt over it.

Despite how excited you are for whatever is about to happen, you're still incredibly nervous. This is the most physically vulnerable you've ever been with another person, and the fact that you're completely bare under your skirt makes your stomach flip.

Your face must betray your emotions because Ellie momentarily softens. She pulls her hands away from your hips and cups your face, peppering kisses across your cheeks and up to your forehead, making you laugh lightly. "You alright? We can stop."

"No... please don't." Her face lights up.

"Sorry, say that again?" You roll your eyes and she chuckles. "I knew you were like this. Not so pure now, huh?"

"Guess not."

"So you admit it?"

"...Fine. Yes."

Ellie sighs in relief as if her thirst were quenched- that's what she's been wanting to hear from you forever. She could see it in the way you snuck glances at her during mass, finding your wandering, hungry eyes from across the room. She could feel it in the way your hand lingered on her a little too long to be friendly, your touch suspiciously light, like if you touched her any harder you'd start to tremor.

But now, there's no semblance of the timid person you'd been. When Ellie pulls away, your hand comes up to the back of her neck to pull her back in. You're insatiable, and Ellie fucking loves it. She tugs at the bottom of your sweater. "Pull that fucking thing off. Show me those pretty tits." Her breath becomes heavy as you oblige and become needier. "Did you know you were this easy?" She teases.

"What? I'm- I'm not." Everything she says feels designed to evoke the biggest reaction from you. She keeps you on your toes, never letting you get too comfortable. How exciting.

"So it's just for me then?" You don't answer, and it excites Ellie to know that she's right. This reaction is purely for her. Nobody else has seen you like this, and she's grateful to be the one who gets to corrupt you. It really didn't take much effort. "You're so easy to control."

Her hands drift back to your thighs, sliding under your skirt, her lips press to your jawline. Hot breath trails along your neck, down further to your collarbone. Her fingers slide over your inner thighs, sensitive skin rippling as she applies light pressure, testing how reactive you are. You twitch, unwittingly opening your legs more and giving Ellie more access. "You look good like this, though."

Ellie's fingers dig into you, grasping the flesh of your ass and moaning softly into your ear. Her thumbs are on either side of where you desperately need her, and your hips buck up into her, seeking her touch. "Knew you had a nice ass, too."

"Shut up." You mumble.

"Why would I? You like it when I say things like that, don't you? You wouldn't be this drenched if you didn't." She swipes the pad of her thumb over your clit and applies delicious pressure. You nearly cum on the spot.

Is this what you've been missing? This pleasure, this euphoria? Ellie grins at your reaction, drinking in your desperation for her like a succubus. "Aw, sensitive little pussy. Haven't you touched yourself like this before?"

You had, a few times, actually, but it never went this far, deep-rooted guilt gnashing in your stomach and ending the moment before you'd been able to finish. After admitting this, she coos at you. "Poor baby." Her tone is so condescending, but it makes you clench around the tip of her fingers.

She slides the first knuckle of two fingers past your entrance, pumping them in and out painfully slowly. "Ellie, you prick. Come on." She continues her ministrations, gently stroking your entrance, never giving you enough to feel remotely satisfied. She uses this time to take in your disheveled, sweaty appearance. Your cute tits bounce as you shift uncomfortably, waiting for Ellie to please you. A bead of sweat rolls down and she can't help but bring her mouth up to lick at it as it slides over your nipple. Her mouth attaches to you and you sigh, holding her closer by her hair. She grins up at you, making eye contact through her lashes. You can see the tip of her tongue poking out, wetting your bud as the cool air nips at you, making you all the more sensitive. Even now, Ellie still hasn't stopped her teasing below.

"Can't call me a prick then beg for me to fuck you. 's not how it works, pretty girl."

"Then what do you want?" You whine.

Ellie can feel your clit flutter and pulse as she moves. "Fuck, you're so desperate for me, aren't you? I want you to tell me how bad y' want me."

"I- I d-" You begin to protest, being cut off with a squeal as Ellie licks a sloppy stripe up your pussy, finally tasting you.

"Don't bullshit me. If I'm gonna fuck you, I needja to be a little more honest with me. I see how you look at me. You been trying to push some thoughts down, huh?"

It was so humiliating how well she could read you. Whenever her tongue came out of her mouth to take communion, your eyes would be trained on the muscle, breath hitching as she would wink at you. Without fail, you would trail your gaze up her body when Ellie walked in with a suit, her way of dressing nicely for service. Always, always, she could feel the heat radiating off your body as she pulled you closer, not taking her eyes off the pastor speaking.

Your thoughts were impure, sinful, and how embarrassing that Ellie knew. You believed you were hiding it well- obviously not.

"Yeah. Maybe."

Ellie's big hands wrap around your thighs, fingers landing on the sensitive skin near your pussy. She looks up at you and you can feel her hot breath on your clit. It takes everything in Ellie to not eat you out immediately, but your embarrassment is too tempting to pass up.

"Tell me about it. You try to fuck yourself thinkin' of me?"

"I do. I- I tried to, at least. Doesn't work."

"Why not, babe? You're so responsive right now." Her fingers find their place back at your entrance, pushing in as you speak.

"I- oh, shit-" You gasp.

Ellie grins. "Talk to me."

"My fingers aren't good enough."

"Ah," she says, "and mine are?" She knows the answer.

"So good."

Ellie likes that she's made you desperate enough that you've abandoned your pride. She enjoys the flush on your face as you shamelessly admit your secrets to her, the good-girl persona a figment of the past.

She's so busy staring up at how your face contorts in pleasure that she doesn't realize that she hasn't moved her fingers in a hot minute. The teasing is torturous for you.

"Ellie," she hears you whine, "Please!" You rut your hips against her fingers and she feels lightheaded. Jesus fucking Christ.

"Sorry, pretty girl. Got distracted." She smirks. "I'll give you what you want now." Ellie finally moves her fingers, curling them in and out slowly. You groan again and she laughs. "Okay, okay! Sorry." Her face darkens and she bites her lip. "You want me to fuck you? Alright, I'll fuck you."

Ellie's fingers begin to pump inside you, hitting all the spots that make you jump and squirm, and you're sure the rusted heap of a car you're in is about to fall off its chassis. She's going so fast and hard that you're immediately overwhelmed and you don't know where to put your hands. In the span of a minute, they cup your face, a forearm slings over your eyes, and you throw your arms up against the window. Finally, you settle on cupping your cheeks, fingers slit open so you can peer down at Ellie's focus on you.

Her eyes haven't left your pussy since she started. She's absolutely mesmerized by how fucking wet you are, how you seem to suck her fingers back in as she tries to pull out and your body betrays how desperately you want her. Ellie's mouth is slightly agape and she can't help when her tongue flickers out to lick curiously at your clit, wanting to taste you again.

"Fu- fuck!" You yelp, bucking your hips up into her face. Ellie snorts as she watches how you squirm. You can feel something building and though you have an idea of what it is, it's building fast and slightly scaring you. "Wait, Els, hold on a second, something- ah- I think- I think I'm-"

You're nervous about how it creeps up on you so suddenly but you find there isn't time to be self-conscious about it because you cum, and you wonder why God could possibly think that doing this is a sin. How could it be a sin if it felt so right?

You don't know what sound you made or how your face looks, but by the way Ellie looks up at you, it must've been something. Her eyes flicker back down to how your clit pulses as you finish, leaking cum onto her fingers and trailing down her hand. You know what she's fucking thinking because you always do. Before you can form a sentence, she's licking up your cum like it's the best meal she's tasted.

You shudder violently. "Ellie, holy fuck, stop, I'm still sensitive! Oh m- Ellie, come on!" Only when you push her face up does she stop, giving you the cheekiest grin.

You roll your eyes and throw your head back against the car door, panting. The dull ache in your thighs is apparent when you attempt to sit, pulling your panties up and cringing at how your cum pools on them.

Ellie still hasn't said anything. You glance over at her, wondering how she feels about whatever just happened. She's looking down, grey hoodie still pulled up to her elbows, staring at the fingers she'd just fucked you with. She glances up at you, a shit-eating grin spreading across her face. 

“That was hot.” Her hand rubs up and down your thigh, a kind of comfort you’d never received from her. It wasn’t unwelcome.

You don’t quite know how to feel. There are twinges of guilt gnawing at your stomach, that religious guilt creeping in. Had you done something wrong? 

But at the same time, there was a warmth in Ellie’s gaze that made you feel like maybe, it was all worth it. Was it unholy? Almost definitely. But this awakening couldn’t be all bad if she kept looking at you with those soft, fond eyes.

my masterlist...

[deadsetobsessions]

Alley Drunk!Danny pt.5

If Danny hadn’t thought about quitting and going to rehab before, he’s definitely going to do it now.

It had been one of those days. Danny had sluggishly managed to usher Jason to school- pulling himself together for their walk to the building, because he wasn’t stupid and this was still Gotham- before going home and relapsing. He knew, going into the first bottle, that he was going to regret it. But he still hadn’t felt the buzz, so he went out to get more.

“Just one. I can stop after, if I want to.”

Spoiler: he could not, actually, stop if he wanted to. Because he didn’t want to, which was the whole problem.

So, one bottle became two, two became three, three became six, and by the time the sun slipped below the horizon, Danny had a pile of bottles scattered around the couch and an intense look of self hatred set upon his brow. He was buzzed, but his stupid ghost biology refused to absorb anymore alcohol.

“Stop brooding, Danny. It’ll hurt your brain.” Jazz said, a hint of worry around her joking insult. “You’re forgetting something important.”

“Wha-?” He mumbled out back at the haze of her-hah- ghost.

The door clicked open. Danny whipped his head to wards the door, snarl on his face and ready to lunge at the intruder, when he came face to face with a scuffed up Jason.

They froze simultaneously, but before Danny could do anything, Jason’s hands tightened on the door knob. The kid’s eyes darted to the floor, where the bottles laid, and back up at Danny’s face. What he found there must not have been good, because he took a step back.

It was fear.

Danny felt his heart drop and his throat go dry. The self hatred doubled in size and weight, but he smacked it down in favor of scrambling for the words- anything- to fix the damage his stupidity and addiction caused.

“Jason.” He said, voice raspy. Had he been screaming again? Good start, good- nope. Never mind, Jason is using the door to shield himself now. Danny glanced outside and-

“Oh. I- I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.” He turned back to Jason, who eyed him warily. “I- I forgot to pick you, didn’t I.”

“…I can walk back by myself.” The hesitant but full of bravado reply made Danny’s ghostly obsession to protect rear its head.

“Still. I’m… I’m sorry, Jason.”

Jason evaluated him, noticeably eyeing his open hands and purposefully lax posture, before stepping inside. He doesn’t close the door behind him- clearly leaving it as an option just in case he needed to bolt. Danny stood up slowly. Jason watched him, and his hands. His smaller hands- Ancients, Danny was scaring a kid- curled up into fists.

“What… how did you get hurt?”

“Got mugged.”

“Are you okay? No- wait,” Danny flooded his liver and blood stream with ectoplasm, and his head instantly cleared. Ah, the agony of being coherent.

Danny subtly shook his head to clear his thoughts. Focus.

“Of course you’re not.” Danny stepped away from the incriminating bottles, slowing to a stop once more as Jason shifted backwards like he was either going to spring at Danny or bolt out the door. “Why don’t we get you patched up? And you can tell me about your day. That I missed, when I forgot to pick you up and that I’m really really sorry for.”

Danny held his breath as Jason considered it. “Are ya drunk?” Jason asked, tilting his shoulder to slide his Wonder Woman backpack down, hand clutching at the opposite strap. A good bludgeoning weapon, even if Danny would rather be electro shocked to death again before he ever hurt Jason.

“No.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, scoffing as he looked down again. Danny recognized the motion, a bolt of heavy nostalgia slamming into his chest as he remembered another red-head doing the same thing when he tried to bullshit his way out of something.

“I was buzzed but… I’m a meta. Alcohol doesn’t exactly affect me. I had to drink a lot to even get buzzed, and it’s gone now.”

“Y’er a meta?” Jason straightened, not completely losing the vigilance, but less tense.

“Yes. I’m completely sober right now, I promise.”

Jason stared at him, inhaled, and relaxed. “You better be.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Whatever.”

——

Danny placed the bandages over Jason’s cuts.

“I am so, so sorry I didn’t pick you up.”

Jason shoved at his shoulder, grumbling “I c’n do it myself.”

“I know. You don’t have to, though.”

The kid looked away for a moment before softly admitting, “I was… worried. Cuz, I thought somethin’ happened.”

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat. Jason slipped more into his alley accent the more upset he got these days, having learned some of the local accents at his new school and regularly swapping those out instead of sticking with his alley accent.

“Thank you. For worrying about me. I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

Point. From the mouth of babes came the painful truth, right?

“No. I’m not. But I will be. I’ll go to rehab, Jason. I don’t want to forget picking you up again.”

“Whatever.” Danny hid a smile as Jason ducked his head, looking endearingly like a grumpy duckling. Like, Jazz, when their parents made those blueberry ectoplasm pancakes she liked but thought they’d forgotten that she liked.

“And thank you, Jason, for coming back alive. I- I should have been there, but I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

“I want waffles and ice cream for dinner.”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

“Wow, you musta felt real bad if you’re letting me eat that for dinner.”

Danny grinned down at the head of black hair (with their red roots once more poking out) and ruffled Jason’s head. “I let you eat like five chili dogs in one go. This should not be surprising. But I’ll let you skip the veggies today too.”

“… No, I want the veggies too.”

Danny let out a bark of bright laughter.

Yeah, there’s no way he’s ever risking Jason looking at him like that again. The kid looked like he thought Danny would come swinging at him, despite their previous meetings where he had, perhaps and with plausible deniability, swung for Jason, but never against him.

That night, after he tucked Jason into bed, Danny signed up for rehab. As a matter of fact, Jazz’s words coming into mind, Danny also signed up for therapy. For him and Jason. Yeah.

——

Off camera, they talked about why Jason react to bottles and hands the way he does, and why he’s so scared whenever Danny slips back into his addiction. I’m just rlly too tired to write it.

——

Danny, who thought his addiction wasn’t that serious and that he could stop anytime because he stopped for Jason: I’m cured!

Also Danny: drinks as soon as Jason goes to school

Danny was one hundred percent using Jason as a crutch and when he felt like Jason was safe, he slipped back to his habits. The only reason Danny’s not dead- well, deader than he normally would be- is because ghost biology makes it so that alcohol is cycled through quicker. Like the Flash, but less fast? Anyways, he had enough to make him lose track of time and forget important things (Jason) and that’s what addiction can do to you, amongst other things.

Jason might seem calm but that’s actually a combo of his go to trauma response (fight) and his experience of 1) being on the streets and 2) living with a previous drunkard coming into play. Also, you might be like what kind of kid wants to eat veggies? And to that I answer: KIDS THAT NEVER HAD ENOUGH TO EAT. I would have killed for a veggie stir fry with a lot of chicken back as a kid lol

On a lighter note, the whole time they’re having this interaction, I kind of imagined it as two chickens just kind of dancing around each other.

[cobaltperun]

Genius - All I Want

Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader

Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.

Story masterlist / Next part

Word count: 3k

-All I want is a place to call my own, to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone-

There was nothing quite as comforting as the freedom of an open road and the clear night sky above you. It was peaceful, though lonely sometimes.

“Well, you’re still as creepy as you were when I was a child,” you said as you watched the dense forest covering the hill ahead of you. Lovell Hill certainly didn’t get any more inviting since you last visited the forsaken small village you were born in. And it certainly didn’t look any more inviting in the middle of the night, close to midnight.

At least you didn’t have to go on foot.

That would be kinda scary, even now that you were technically an adult. At least as far as age went, yeah, you were an adult. You hardly had the life experience needed to call yourself that, though you did spend the last two years away from your parents and the safety they provided. You turned sixteen and took off on your Yamaha Star Venture, staying at one place only long enough to finish one semester at school and then moving on.

Why did you suddenly decide to come back? To this small village in Tennessee? You weren’t sure, maybe it was nostalgia, maybe you wanted to come back and see how much you changed, to measure yourself to the place that shaped your childhood, now with a different outlook on life. Like a frog from a well that learned of the ocean and yearned for the calm of its well, at least for a short while, at least until you closed the chapter of your life called high school.

The road ahead of you narrowed as you entered the dense forest, the sky above you vanished, and the only source of light came from your motorcycle. How long has it been since you ran through this forest as a child, playing hide and seek without a care in the world, without any pressure, creeped out by the random sounds and shadows, but happy to be with your friend. That was so long ago, you weren’t even going to school back then.

As you drove on you saw the lights ahead of you, and you knew exactly what they were. A lone light coming from one room of a huge mansion, the only one on the hill that was still occupied back when you still lived here. From the looks of it that didn’t change. You didn’t look at the mansion though, you just drove past it. The only person you’d be interested in seeing from that mansion probably no longer lived there. She was too good to be stuck in this small village. You remained unaware that someone in that mansion caught a glimpse of you riding by, confused and intrigued by the random person passing by.

~X~

The random biker passing through the Lovell Hill reignited her muse as her fingers glided across her keyboard. Where were they going? Where did they come from? What made them take the road few traveled? Cairo didn’t know, but she liked to imagine the strange traveler. Perhaps they were familiar with the area, confident in their ability to take a shortcut across the hill. Or perhaps they took a wrong turn and she’d soon hear the roar of the engine coming back.

Maybe it would wake her up when she finally tries to fall asleep.

Lonely girl, in a lonely place, longing for some kind of connection, for more than she already had, even if it was just a moment, she’d forget sooner rather than later. She still typed away, contemplating the biker’s decision to pass through the haunting dense forest, all the while feeling the tiny legs crawling up her bare calf. The cigarette she lit just before she picked up on the sound of the motorcycle slowly burned away, forgotten just like she was.

~X~

You parked your motorcycle in the garage, next to your parents’ car and took a deep breath. You were back home, because, truly, nowhere else ever felt as much like home as rural Tennessee. It’s been six years since you moved out with your parents, but they kept the house, kept it clean and took care of the car so everything was set for them when they visited to escape their jobs every few months or so.

It wasn’t a huge mansion, especially compared to the one you just passed, but it was a fairly big, two-story house, with several bedrooms and plenty of space in the living room, as well as a very nice, well-furnished kitchen. The pictures were still hanging on the walls as you stepped inside and took your boots off. Some were from your birthdays, some from your first day at school, some were you and Cairo, or her parents and your parents. They were all attorneys, so of course you and Cairo ended up spending a lot of time together as kids. Well, you did until you started going to school. You placed the backpack you packed your entire life in on the floor of the living room, and a bit too exhausted to go and set up a bed in your childhood room, you just crashed on the sofa and used your motorbike jacket as makeshift cover.

The house still had an admirable book collection, mostly for show though. You read as a child, there wasn’t much else to do here, but most of the books were just bought for show, never to be opened. But, they were there and they gave the house a certain aesthetic, you guessed.

As you looked at the books you noticed an old copy of ‘Around the World in Eighty Days’ by Jules Verne sticking out like a sore thumb with the damaged and stained spine separating it from the well-kept pristine condition of most of the books around it. How many times did you and Cairo read that as children? You smiled at that, promising silently to get the spine fixed up a bit. Just enough for it not to fall apart the next time someone took it, but not to the point of downright replacing it. You wanted to preserve the memories, but that was a task for another day. For now, you just closed your eyes and drifted off,

~X~

Two days later you found yourself in the vice principal’s office, just filling out the last few papers to finalize your transfer.

“You can attend classes right away, miss L/N,” vice principal Manor told you as you signed the final document.

“Right, and the locker?” you asked, ready to put away your helmet and not carry it around at all times.

The woman just slid a key toward you with a copy of your schedule. “Here you go.”

You nodded, smiling gratefully and getting up with your copies of the documents and the things your were given in hand.

“Oh, and welcome back,” vice principal told you.

She knew your parents, as they were very active in the community while they still lived here. It was the connections they still had that allowed you to make such an abrupt decision and transfer on such a short notice.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” you still found it a bit awkward when people much older than you acted friendly toward you because of your parents. You understood, but you also felt they only saw your parents’ child, and not you yourself.

“Say ‘hi’ to your parents for me,” vice principal Manor justified your feelings on the matter.

You just chuckled lightly at that. “Of course. Have a good day,” you said politely while stepping out of her office.

You and your parents had a good relationship, you loved them, they loved you. You often talked to them over the phone, and you texted at least one of them almost daily. You didn’t see much of them though, you wanted independence and they were more than willing to give you a chance to experience life on your own, all the while making sure you knew you could turn to them if you ever needed. And you were more than happy with that.

You checked the tag on the locker key and looked around, searching for it in the hall, it wasn’t a huge school, so it wasn’t too hard to find. The almost empty hallway was a bit haunting, though, you did get here early thinking paperwork would take longer to sort out. Finally, you did find your locker, not too far from another girl that came early.

Perhaps it was the abrupt way you stopped when you noticed the number on your tag, or maybe it was your jacket and boots, but the girl looked at you.

“We don’t get new students that often,” she commented, her raspy voice catching your attention immediately.

“I better not disappoint then,” you opened the locker and placed your helmet inside. You’d have to go and pick up your books and other things you might need later. Why did you sign up for a literature class again? Oh yeah, you wanted to reignite your passion for reading after all these years.

You could feel her eyes looking you over. “Need help finding your first class?”

“Thanks,” you grinned, meeting her eyes and taking in the way she was dressed. “I like to figure new places out myself, but I appreciate the offer,” you really did, both actually. If you got lost, well, you could find your way out, again, it wasn’t that big of a school. You found your locker just fine, surely you could find a classroom.

“Well, see you around, stranger,” she winked and walked away. “I’m Winnie, by the way!” she exclaimed once she put some distance between you two.

“Y/N!” you answered and went in the opposite direction. It would be a bit awkward if you went the same way when you just rejected her offer to help you find the classroom you were supposed to go to for your first class.

~X~

The next time you saw Winnie it was less than ten minutes later, and this time she was accompanied by a shorter, black-haired girl, you didn’t pay much attention to the though, too focused on finding the classroom you needed to go to.

“Still don’t need help?” she asked as you crossed paths.

“Still no, I’ll be sure to cry for help if needed,” you joked earning a small laugh from he girls, and somehow the laughter you heard sounded familiar. A bit shy and reserved, but soft, but by the time you fully registered the familiarity of the sound the girl with Winnie was too far for you to call her.

It couldn’t be… Right?

Why would it be her? For once maybe you were wrong. Maybe being back in this place made you hear what wasn’t there.

Even if it was, well, you had half a year to come across her again.

Finally, you found the classroom you were looking for and were immediately hit by words you did not expect to hear, especially not in school, in a classroom, read loudly by a middle-aged larger male to at least slightly older man.

“Marcelle wants me to fuck her. She leaps off the couch and pushes herself between the girl and me,” the taller one, dressed in a more comfortable gray tracksuit, perhaps a PE teacher, read.

You weren’t sure how to react as the older man tried to make his colleague stop reading… well, not exactly the material you were expecting. You just entered the classroom, hoping that would be enough to get their attention. It wasn’t and you wanted to erase the ‘split fig’ line from your memory, alas, you were cursed! For you memorized what you heard like a damn recorder. Split fig would remain in your memory likely until something even more jarring replaced it.

You nearly walked out, not wanting to witness any more of this when they began going through student’s things, and that was a line you didn’t like being crossed. The student left that there trusting it wouldn’t be touched, it was private, and they had no business looking through someone’s stuff.

“Well, this is an interesting first impression,” you said without a care in the world making the two men freeze and turn to look at you. “Guess I found the literature class. Good morning, by the way,” you checked the doors again and sure enough, this was the classroom. Not that you needed to check again. Between the books on the shelves, framed pictures of famous writers, general feel of the room as well as everything written on the blackboard there was no doubt in your mind you were in the right place.

The man you guessed was the literature teacher at least had the decency to look ashamed. “Uh, good morning, are you here for the class?”

You nodded, taking a chair along and setting it next to the one where the pile of books was. “Sure, I was going to leave my stuff here, but,” you glanced at the teacher who was now next to you and then at the book in his hand that belonged back on the pile. “Maybe that’s not the smartest decision.”

You weren’t even subtle about it as you leaned back on your chair and pulled out your phone. “Don’t mind me, just passing the time until class starts,” you said, fiddling with your phone in the process.

“This isn’t how we usually are,” the teacher grabbed the book out of his colleague’s hand and placed it back where it belonged. “The school year just started, and Boris might be a bit too excited.”

You raised an eyebrow at that. “I noticed,” you said, briefly shifting your attention to the book the teacher, now named Boris, was reading out loud.

The man next to you quickly raised his hands. “Not that kind of excited, just so we’re clear!”

You just gave him a thumbs up and turned back to your phone. Things might be a bit awkward from now on, but you could live with that.

~X~

Almost an hour of awkward silence broken briefly only by the teacher, Miller, giving you a list of all the books the class was meant to cover later, the students began coming in. The school kinda came to life about ten minutes ago, as more and more students rushed through the halls to their first classes. You hoped your motorcycle was still fine, the first few days at a new, well old but kinda new in this case, place were always a bit worrisome in that regard. You’d cross that bridge when you get there, if it needed to be crossed in the first place. And then, sure enough, one of the students, a girl dressed in black sweater and white shorts sat down next to you.

“I haven’t seen you around, you must be new,” she said as she settled down and opened her notebook.

Again, her voice sounded vaguely familiar, as if you used to listen to it so often as a child but then it changed as she grew up and now only some familiarity remained. Just a small hint here and there to remind you that maybe you did, in fact, know her. Which wouldn’t be surprising, they were all your age, and it was a small village, and if you remembered correctly there were three classes in your generation. Or was it four? Either way, chances were you knew at least some of your current classmates. “Yeah, hi, I’m-“ you turned to look at the girl so you could introduce yourself and your breath hitched.

She raised an eyebrow, puzzled by your reaction. She didn’t change one bit, well, sure, she wasn’t a kid anymore, but you knew exactly who the girl standing in front of you was. Her dark long hair, flowing and framing her freckle-covered face, the soft, curious eyes studying you and an easy, friendly smile, and the adorable dimples on her cheeks. There was no way you could ever forget her, and the pile of books only confirmed your suspicions. As stupid as it was, you were genuinely surprised. You saw the lights on your way back home, though you just assumed it was her parents, not her. Why was she still in this small village? Why wasn’t she out there, making the most of the potential she had? You expected to see familiar faces, but you thought you wouldn’t get to see her again, and your heart raced as fast as your motorcycle through an open road.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, and you felt two more pairs of eyes on you now that you remained silent for too long. The teacher, as well as the girl she was with were looking at you as well, but it hardly mattered.

“I, yeah, I’m fine, Cairo,” you finally pushed the words through your dry throat. You swallowed, getting over your surprise and smiling at her as her eyes widened. “It’s been a while.” She took a better look at you, and you saw recognition in her eyes as she took your appearance in. You couldn’t blame her for taking a bit of time to recognize you, you changed a bit since she last saw you. “Y/N,” she finally said your name, though with a hint of uncertainty in her tone, and you nodded, the somewhat shy smile on your face turning into a more confident, cheeky grin. She remembered you, and while you didn’t expect to see her you couldn’t hide how happy you were. You just hoped the way the two of you left things off all those years ago wouldn’t be an obstacle to catch up at least over a coffee or tea or something.

A/N: Well, here's the start of the next story. Enjoy! Also... Taglist? Yes? No?

[its-tortle]

german words i wish existed in english

a messy and incomplete list

nachvollziehen (v.) -- to understand, but less empathetic. i.e. i see the steps that brought you to that conclusion, but i don't understand you.

doch (interj.) -- you're wrong and really it's the opposite of what you said. often said with a healthy dose of sass. i.e. "this isn't a good movie." "doch. (it is)"

frech (adj.) -- somewhere between naughty and sassy and silly. when you're being a bit of a brat, you're being frech.

dreist (adj.) -- audacious, but far more colloquial. when you have the goddamn audacity, you are dreist. i.e. to park that far over the line is dreist as hell

heimat (n.) -- home, but stronger. a home is wherever you have built a life, but heimat is where your roots are. heimat is where you feel pangs of nostalgia when you go to visit your family for christmas and see the shop at the corner.

weltschmerz (n.) -- literally 'world-pain'. the world sucks and sometimes you just sit and feel the pain of it all. that's weltschmerz.

existenzberechtigung (n.) -- the right to exist, often in a comedic context. i.e. pineapple on pizza has absolutely no existenzberechtigung.

fernweh (n.) -- literally 'far-ache'. the opposite of homesickness, the desire to go far away. i guess wanderlust is similar, but that is also a german word, and this is more painful and visceral

schweigen (v./n.) -- the act of not speaking. silence, but more deliberate. the palpable feeling that people are withholding their voice.

verschlimmbesserung (n.) -- when an update with the intention of making something better actually just made it worse. looking at you @staff

[lattenha]

TERRIBLE TWOS — P. SUNGHOON

SYNOPSIS! A rash decision on your end causes you and Sunghoon to break up. What you think is for the best turns out to be the complete opposite, actually. Cue two years later when a random encounter with your ex forces you to revisit past feelings that has never quite fully departed from either of you. PAIRING! Chairman!Sunghoon x Fem!Reader WC! 11.4k (Got carried away)

GENRE/CW! Exes getting back together, fluff, slight angst if you squint, smut (fingering, brief mentions of fem oral receiving, sunghoon has a 7 inch cock; i headcanon that, unprotected sex, missionary, creampie, lots of tongue kissing), swearing, reader is in denial just a tad bit, ft. non-idol!yunjin, reader is a struggling fine arts major, etc. MDNI

A/N: originally, i intended for this to be a simple one shot but it somehow turned out to be greater than that in the end lol. this was also my first attempt at writing smut; i've always wanted to try it but damn is it kinda hard. i feel like the title doesn't match or capture the story as good but whatever-- it used to be called 'seasons,' yet that didn't make sense either so... terrible twos it is! i hope you enjoy <3

“Y/n?” 

A trace of uncertainty laces the man's voice, his mind racing with the possibility that he might have mistaken a stranger for someone from his past. Internally, he winces at the prospect of this awkward mix-up, dreading such an encounter with a random person. He clings to the hope that his intuition proves accurate.

Could it really be her? Amid the bustling crowd, she always managed to stand out, an unmistakable aura surrounding her. Her presence eclipsed even the most vibrant of settings, radiating a unique energy that outshone a field of flowers.

When he tentatively calls out her name in a hushed tone, she spins around on her heel, and for an ephemeral moment, Sunghoon feels as though he's stepped into a scene from a classic romance film.

Time stills and so does he. 

Each of your movements steals his breath away. The way your hair dances in harmony with the wind, and how your eyelashes cast the most delicate shadow upon your high cheekbones. Your gradual unveiling leaves him struggling to swallow past an inexplicable lump in his throat. 

Sunghoon notices the moment your eyes widen. Behind those enchanting orbs, he discerns a flicker of nostalgia and a touch of melancholy. During your time together, he had the uncanny ability to read those emotions hidden within the depths of your eyes.

“Sunghoon…” You say no louder than a mere whisper that could easily get lost in the summer’s wind that passes through the both of you. 

Your heart throbs in your chest. The biological response is far too overwhelming that you can feel your stomach tying itself in double knots. You think you might need to be pointed to the nearest bathroom so you can barf up the swarm of butterflies that disturb your system. No doubt, does crossing paths with an ex whom you share a long history with manage to do that to you. 

“H-how are you?” You’re the first to strike up a conversation despite that being Sunghoon’s unspoken responsibility. 

How am I? Sunghoon has to brace himself to collect his messy thoughts. 

“I’m pretty good, and yourself?”

His response is curt and short. In any other setting, he would have elaborated on his answer but he wasn’t sure how much information was too much to reveal to an ex regarding the state of his well-being. You nod at his words, not really expecting much nor having high hopes that he would give you more to work with in this conversation of playing catch-up between an ex. 

See, your relationship ended amicably, with both of you acknowledging that the spark kindled between you two had faded out. With your mind elsewhere, too focused on your academics (so you like to say), and Sunghoon preparing to inherit his family’s business, there was little room for romance in either of your daily routines. Your typical weekend dates were swapped out for meetings with major corporations and other soon-to-be-chairman-related activities so that he could fully understand what the rest of his future held for him. 

Even though you missed having your boyfriend's undivided attention, you refused to act as a temporary roadblock that prevented him from making significant progress. Despite your heart and brain being at war with each other, you made the conscious decision to slowly back down from being his lover and tucked your face in the pages of your academic textbooks.

With Sunghoon too busy to even acknowledge that his girlfriend was distancing herself from him, you were the first to come forward, bearing the news that breaking up would be the optimal solution to your and his fading presence in one another’s lives. 

That night when you bid goodbye, he felt half his heart shatter inside of him. Little did you know that you carried the other part wherever you went, but now that you were no longer capable of sheltering that missing piece, it almost made him want to die inside more than just a tad bit— a lot, actually.

He pretended to play it cool as your back turned to him and he watched you retreat to your car, feeling both helpless and defeated. With an unflinching countenance, a tightly clenched jaw, and fingers gripped at his sides, Sunghoon longed for his feet to have chased after you, preventing your departure from his life. He yearned to undo whatever had driven you away, to rewrite his mistakes and reshape your shared history.

Sadly, not even the first star in the sky he saw at night could grant him something as demanding as that.

On the contrary, had those things happened, he wouldn’t be here today on a Thursday afternoon rekindling a connection that got tossed up in the air and fell through his fingertips.

“I—“ Before you get a chance to deliver your sentence Sunghoon’s hold on your arm prompts him to draw you to his chest. 

Your breath hitches in the back of your throat, eyes simultaneously widening for the second time thanks to a certain ex. You look up at the taller one with crinkled brows. A mixture of confusion and a looming feeling in the deepest pit of your stomach that hasn’t quite left, tugging at your heartstrings. His intoxicating scent of Dior Sauvage is all too overwhelming for your nose to take in. You swear your head could start spinning any minute now. 

He’s so close to you. You’re so close to him. If someone were to come by and accidentally bump into you, you would be pressed up against his chest, breaking what limited distance is keeping you two apart. 

A bike rider disrupting pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk whizzes by, obnoxiously ringing the bell attached to their handlebar as if they aren’t to be blamed for riding on the concrete pavement, and it’s only then do you realize that Sunghoon was protecting you from getting hit. His body relaxes once he declares that it’s safe for you to comfortably stand in the open from any oncoming obstructions. 

“Sorry… acted on impulse.” His grasp on you immediately retreats to the inside of his pant pockets and you swear that his touch leaves a ghosting sensation on your skin. 

Sunghoon refuses to meet your lingering gaze, eyes averting to some random couple walking their dog across the street from where the two of you are standing. It’s almost funny how he fully believed two years ago that one day both of you would be exactly like that: dog owners who take their beloved fur baby on walks together and enjoy the simplicity of the little things that a relationship has to offer. 

“It’s okay, thank you,” You murmur, unsure of where things should go from here. 

A beat of silence comes and goes before Sunghoon has the chance to take the initiative to prove he’s different from his past self. 

The past self you witnessed throughout the duration of your shared romanticism. The past self who failed to convince you to stay because he never wanted you to leave his side. What he wanted was to work things out and to understand what he could do to change and make things better for the two of you.

Even if that meant you breaking up with him first to realize this.

“Listen, why don’t we…” He suddenly starts. Sunghoon analyzes your face and when your features evidently show that you’re all ears for what he has to say, he takes a deep breath to compose himself. “Get dinner. Together.“ 

Although the question comes out more like a demand rather than a request, you’re slightly taken aback because you were almost certain Sunghoon probably resents you for the breakup— at least that’s what you tell yourself— and that he doesn’t want any business involving you entering his life for a repeat performance. The only different thing is that you’re his ex.

Can you blame him? It was so sudden.

The concealed hurt he tried to mask but failed to do so when you told him you wanted to end things, hoping it’d be left on good terms, rambling about how much you do and will continue to care for him no matter what he does in life or who he chooses to love after you. It seems you did more talking than he got the chance to, and Sunghoon wasn’t sure if you had this all planned leading up to that moment, or if he should’ve seen it coming. 

Whatever it was, Sunghoon could never hate or repent you, but you’re no telepathic mind-reader and wouldn’t know how he feels about you now unless you asked. 

Your bottom lip is caught between your teeth as you ponder the idea of sitting in a fancy restaurant with Sunghoon and sharing a long conversation over an expensive meal that is highly overpriced for its ridiculously small portions. 

“On one condition,” You quip. Sunghoon gestures for you to keep going and you clear your throat. “No five-star Michelin places, okay? I just want a simple dinner to make up for lost time.” 

The older male chuckles, nodding his head sensibly. If there’s one thing Sunghoon learned about you is that you were never hard to please and preferred the opposite of a high-end luxury lifestyle that he naturally grew up with. 

“Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 8, how’s that sound?” 

“That’s perfect but um—“ you purse your lips. “Do you… Do you still remember where I live?” 

“Of course. It would take a lot more than time and distance apart from each other, for me to forget your every being.”

Sunghoon leans in to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. The underlying intimacy hiding beneath his actions has you contemplating what the course of your relationship would have looked like for the two of you, had you not broken up with a man as sweet and thoughtful as him.

Was calling it quits between you two a mistake? Should you have stuck it out just a little longer? 

You can only shove those thoughts to the farthest point in the back of your mind and recenter your focus to the handsome ravenette. 

Sunghoon, sporting a warm grin that gradually grows into a pearly white showcase of his perfect teeth and adorable canines, makes it worth marveling if second chances are a thing that people still stand by. 

The next evening, Sunghoon unexpectedly arrived at your front door 20 minutes ahead of your readiness. While you were trying to situate yourself into your cami dress that paired well with the current season, a knocking sound coming from the entrance to your studio unit startled you in its wake. You tapped on the screen of your phone to check the time and crinkled your nose when the numbers staring back at you read 7:40. 

Sunghoon’s habit of arriving for an occasion earlier than expected was not unusual for his character. The taller's mannerisms crept into other facets of his social life after years of being trained to believe that "early is on time" and "on time is late." However, 20 minutes ahead of schedule was definitely new to you, and part of you can’t help but think if this is stemming from anxiety or if that’s just you projecting your nerves onto his much early arrival. 

“Just a sec!” You struggled to reach for the zipper to your dress, stress-sweating due to the pressure of having to rush through the rest of your routine.

After what felt like a millennia you finally managed to seal yourself shut into your attire and scurried to the front door where poor Sunghoon was waiting for you to answer.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t get to the zipper of my dress and I don’t think me flashing you or my neighbors in semi-public is socially acceptable.” You awkwardly laugh, strands of hair sticking to the back of your neck and forehead from the accumulated sweat you managed to produce. 

Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head at your guilty tendency to overshare too much information for the dramatics.

“No worries. I know I showed up earlier than expected. Don’t worry about me, do what you need to do.” He smiles softly and for a second it almost slips your mind that you’re no longer romantically involved with each other. 

Oh, how you wish you could leap at him and smother the dashing man with kisses all over his Greek god-like, beautiful face…

“Here,” The taller unveils a bouquet of flowers that he attempted (underline, attempted) to hide behind his back. In reality, you could already see bits of it peeking out but chose to play coy about the item he was holding back from giving you. 

You fawn at the striking arrangement of tulips that come in different shades of the prettiest of pinks. Tulips. Of course, he would remember that those are your favorite. His words from yesterday ring in your ears, and believing them, you truly start to confide that Sunghoon could never boot you out of his memory as easy as a snap of his fingers.

“The prettiest bunch of flowers for the prettiest girl.” Sunghoon cautiously says, unsure if that would be stepping a line. To be fair, there isn’t an official handbook on what you should or shouldn’t say to an ex— except for some of the more common phrases; whatever that may be.

You let out a lighthearted laugh at the bold, yet cheesy, compliment and invited Sunghoon into the safe haven of your apartment, ignoring the way your heart practically skipped a beat when he said that. 

He’s been here on plentiful occasions so he’s really no stranger to the arrangement of your flat and could probably draw out an entire floor plan if he wanted to. At one point he almost committed to the thought of moving in with you, but you were a firm believer that it would be best if he stuck to the minimalist mansion he decorated himself; it was passed down to him from none other than his father. Needless to say, Sunghoon was a pouty puppy that day.

“I’m almost ready I promise.” You say. “I just need to add some finishing touches and then I’m all yours for the night.” Immediately your hands fly to your mouth when realization dawns on you about the delivery of your words. 

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, and luckily, you miss the faint smirk that tugs at the corner of his plump lips teasingly.

“You know what I mean!” You panic, waving off the metaphorical atmosphere that surrounds both of you.

You excuse yourself and escape to your room as the tips of your ears start to flush with embarrassment.

Once the door leading to your bedroom shuts behind you with a mellow thud, your back presses up against the surface of the entryway. A loud sigh that you weren't even aware you were repressing since Sunghoon arrived breaks out past your tinted lips. With your mind a foggy mess and your heart threatening to leap right out of your chest, you’re under the impression that you resemble the stereotypical anime school girl the way your entire demeanor changes when you’re around him. 

But that’s the thing.

It’s only Sunghoon. 

It’s just Sunghoon.

So what if you guys dated in high school and partially during college? So what if he was the first and only guy you’ve been with, and even though you have no one to compare him to, he would still be the best ex you could ever have? So what if you regret breaking up with him because you got ahead of yourself and refused to be transparent with him? 

So what if you want him back…

You pat both sides of your cheeks to wake yourself from a philosophical dilemma. you refuse to go down a rabbit hole of emotions especially when you’re about to go out to dinner. 

You shuffle through your wardrobe in search of a certain pair of Converse that a special someone gave to you as a birthday gift. When you find it neatly stored away in its original packaging and the box that it came in you’re almost too eager to slip your feet into the collar of the Chuck Taylor’s.

You halt in your steps when you reach your vanity and grab your everyday bottle of perfume, spritzing one pump, then two, then three, and four more of the floral scent, that you’re showering yourself in it at this point.

When you've deemed that you’re completely ready and satisfied with your appearance for the evening, you exit the inviting comfort of your cozy chambers. Sunghoon’s back is facing you as you ascend into the living room. You can’t make out much of what he’s doing and he’s seemingly too preoccupied to notice your footsteps stalk across the wooden paneling. His neck is craned downward looking at something on the decorative table where you have a neat arrangement of framed pictures. 

“You still have this?” He turns around revealing the photograph that he was referring to, now in his possession. There’s a distant glimmer of emotion that you can’t quite make out peeking around the curves of his irises. 

You let out a resigned sigh. 

You’ve been caught red-handed for leaving a single trace of the past out in the open. 

Of all the furniture and miscellaneous objects that collect dust on different surfaces in your flat, Sunghoon chose to go for the photograph of you and him standing under a cherry blossom tree in Ilsan Park. Your arm was hooked around his waist and his was wrapped around your shoulder. The brightest of smiles stretched across your faces as petals danced around you. It was the perfect moment captured in stillness and you wish you could leap through pictures to relive that special day. A distant memory that feels like it happened not too long ago.

“I couldn’t get rid of it. It’s— That’s one of my favorite pictures of us.” You simply explain. 

It was true, because out of all of the selfies, candid photos, and other pictures you shared together with Sunghoon, your date to Ilsan Park remained your number one core memory as a couple. 

You watch intently as Sunghoon places the photo back where it originally belonged on the console.

“I think that’s one of my favorites, too.” He says as a matter of fact. “That or the one where we went to Lotte World and wore matching uniforms together.” The taller laughs.

You giggled, the recollection of your amusement park date flashing across your mind. You dragged him to go on each and every attraction with you as he stumbled in your tracks, struggling to keep up with your social battery. You felt like two high schoolers in love at the ripe age of 20 because being with Sunghoon gave you the impression that you were your 15-year-old self again. 

“I like that one as well! I thought I looked pretty cute in that uniform.” You grin sheepishly.

Sunghoon chuckles and it causes you to whip your head to survey him. His eyes crinkle before they’re no longer crescent and back to their original doe-eyed shape. 

“You’re still cute, y’know that?” 

The comment sends your heart ablaze along with the blood that rushes to the surface of your cheeks. You can only hope that the thin layer of makeup and blush you applied is strong enough to camouflage the effect that sunghoon has on you. It’s no secret that he was always a smooth talker and still is. It makes you wonder if he’s ever used that flirtatious skill on other women he’s come across after you— or if he has. 

You tut your tongue at him and reach for your crossbody purse draped on the couch that you lazily tossed aside yesterday after coming home. 

“Ready, m’lady?” Sunghoon twists the knob and pushes the front door open, supporting the weight with his broad frame to keep it from closing in on you two when you exit. 

“Wait!” You pip, halting in your steps. You briskly retreat to your room and grab the bouquet of tulips you left on the side table next to your bed. 

You scurry over to Sunghoon, cradling the arrangement of florals like it was your baby. The haired boy opens his mouth to say something but you’re too fast to retort, 

“I wanna show it off. They’re too pretty to be left at home.” 

He nods and motions his hand for you to leave the unit first. The taller gives himself a mental pat on the back for inquiring in a floral shop before coming to retrieve you for dinner.

Tulips are a girl’s best friend, after all. For you, at least.

Coincidentally dinner happens to occur at the one restaurant you frequently visited when you and Sunghoon were dating. It was a simple ma and pa spot only locals in the area knew of. They were popularly known for their cold noodles and ginseng chicken soup. You like to think of it as a secret only two of you know about and continue to gatekeep it from your friends or families from ever coming across of it. 

The owners grew familiar with both of you through your frequent visits and friendly conversations. your rapport with them resulted in a warm welcome every time you returned, often accompanied by a generous discount as a token of their appreciation. Since your last visit to their restaurant, a while has gone by, and you both have been overdue to make an appearance at the restaurant.

“Aigoo, Sunghoon-ah, it’s been so long!” Mrs. Kim exclaims, wearing the biggest and brightest smile that brings out the crinkles in her complexion when she notices two familiar faces. “And Y/n, it’s good to see you too!” She turns to you with the same mien still permanently plastered on her face. 

You bow your head. Her contagious smile has you mirroring her grin. 

“Come, come, sit.” She waves her hand for the two of you to follow in her trail as she leads both of you to your— undesignated but designated— table that you and Sunghoon would constantly sit at.

Before you even have a chance to pull out your chair, Sunghoon beats you to it with surprising swiftness. The aged wood scrapes gently against the floor as he courteously pulls the chair back for you. A warm smile tugs at your lips as you appreciate this chivalrous gesture, unable to contain a soft giggle of delight. 

Mrs. Kim watches the interaction between the two of you and smirks, completely out of the loop that you have broken up; still under the assumption that you’re both dating to this day. Who could blame her when in her eyes you were the perfect missing piece for one another in this world like you were made for each other from the start. 

“The usual?” She asks despite already knowing the answer to her question. 

“Yes please,” Sunghoon nods.

He sits after folding his blazer in half so that it can rest neatly on the chair's backrest. To add some fuel to the flame, he unbuttons the cuffs to his long sleeves and rolls them past his forearms so that they stop an inch below his elbows. The expensive watch that rests snugly on his wrist glistens, almost blinding you. You’re reminded that the man sitting across from you is responsible for an entire company under his name and capable of powerful things.

You gulp. You feel like you’re watching something you shouldn’t be and instead take an interest in the condiments that are pushed to the side of your table. 

Soy sauce, vinegar, napkins… 

When you think that you’re ready to re-center your attention onto Sunghoon once your racing heart has calmed down from its high, the taller has his eyes closed as he combs his fingers through his hair. His lips are parted ever so slightly and there’s a shine to his plush tiers.

He has to be doing this on purpose now.

You watch the way his Adam apple bobs when he swallows and you swear it should be a sin to look this effortlessly good in warm overhead lighting. 

You huff, a little too audibly for the male across from you to hear and his doe eyes flutter open. The sudden eye contact catches you off guard and you’re struggling to maintain yourself from the tension your mind is projecting. You shift around in your chair trying to find a more comfortable position.

This is going to be a long dinner.

After Mrs. Kim returned with your delectable dishes, the food vanished quickly as you guys delved into stories and shared the exciting highlights of your respective journeys. You and Sunghoon spent the rest of your meal at the table reminiscing about the past two years including the many ups and downs you’ve dealt with.

You learned that a month after your breakup, Sunghoon’s father officially stepped down, handing over the reins of the company to his son as the new successor. The ravenette confided in you, revealing that even though he had been groomed for this role his whole life, the transition wasn't as smooth as he had envisioned. The weight of responsibility felt overwhelming. Taking charge of a major company brought with it a level of pressure he had never experienced before. The expectations were high, both from the company's board and the employees who had known him since he was young.

As he grappled with the complexities of his new position, Sunghoon couldn't help but reminisce about a simpler life. He missed the carefree moments he used to share with you, the laughter, and the ease of his unannounced visits when he would turn up at your door with snacks he bought from the corner store and canned beer. 

Eventually his determination and drive to persevere kept him standing strong in the face of these obstacles. With his family behind him, a supportive workforce, and you in the back of his mind, he knew he had people to look back on and make them proud. 

You praised the older for his character development, gushing at his transition from uncertainty to confidence, while sympathizing with the initial troubles he first started off with. Being a chairman at his age is bound to weigh heavily on his mental and emotional health, and you can’t help but wish that you had stayed by his side through it all in order to be that support pillar he needed at immediacy.

“So, what about you? I didn’t really get to hear your answer yesterday.” Sunghoon asks.

You blinked. “Me? Well, uhm…” 

A bubble of insecurity creeps into your stomach. Your mind races through a mental checklist of your own achievements, or rather, the lack thereof, especially when compared to Sunghoon’s impressive journey. While your lives have taken very drastically different paths, you can’t shake the feeling that at the end of the day, the two of you are worlds apart from each other. He’s the chairman of a highly respected company. And you? You’re just a college graduate with a bachelor’s degree in fine arts. A pursuit that feels miles away from Sunghoon’s milestones. 

During the period that he was absent from your everyday life, all you managed to build was your art portfolio, which you eagerly sent to numerous galleries in a desperate bid to gain recognition as a struggling artist. Rejection letters became an all too familiar sight, each offering the same hollow praise— impressed but not interested. Those were dark times, where self-doubt loomed large.

Thankfully, your situation started to improve when you summoned the courage to step out of your comfort zone. You took to social media, opening art accounts on Instagram and Twitter, and sharing your artistic odyssey on TikTok. Yunjin, one of your closest friends and best friend since middle school, commissioned you to paint a mural inside a cafe she was working at. “I begged my boss for this to happen!” She said enthusiastically over the phone the night she asked you for the favor. Everything to you was a leap of faith, a glimmer of hope that prompted you to fully believe in the light at the end of every tunnel. 

In spite of your situation turning out for the better, it was impossible to ignore the inescapable sense of solitude and loneliness that clung to you like a shadow. It followed you everywhere you went. A mental reminder that, no matter how bright life was starting to seem, you still felt trapped and not completely content with yourself.

You convey these exact thoughts and feelings to Sunghoon in a messy ramble, hoping that this unintentional therapy session you’ve turned dinner into won’t scare him off. You can only hope that you’re not ruining the evening with a sob story of another art kid struggling to make a name for themselves in a society, where choosing art as a career path is at a greater disadvantage in comparison to your stronger counterparts. 

When you find yourself coming to the end of your rant, a wave of silence washes over the table, and you grab the nearest cup of water to gulp from. Ignoring the condensation that sweats around the glass and soils your palms. Your eyes look everywhere, purposefully avoiding Sunghoon and the tragic visage he’s probably giving you right about now.

“Y/n, look at me.” 

You raise your head, complying to his soft demand. 

“I’m proud of you,” he begins, and in that instant, a surge of emotion that has been suppressed for far too long wells up within you. “It takes a lot of courage and willpower to continue to follow a path you’re uncertain of.” The comment makes Sunghoon chuckle dryly, closely reminded of himself, shaking his head. “But look at you, you’re doing so great.”

The warmth in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes— they combine like a gentle storm, and suddenly, tears brim your eyes, begging to spill over. Your vision is splotchy and you refuse to blink, save for ruining your mascara. You weren’t planning on being an emotional wreck tonight, especially over dinner with your ex.

“I understand how hard it must have been dealing with those struggles alone, and I wish I was there by your side to help support you when it happened.” Sunghoon continues. He pauses to take in a breath before resuming, “But I’m here now… I’m not going anywhere, and if you’d let me— I want back into your life again, Y/n.”

A solitary tear breaks free, followed by another, and then another, until suddenly your eyes unleash a torrent of waterworks like a relentless downpour from a stormy sky. You hide your face in a handful of napkins you hastily grabbed, unaware that Sunghoon got up to move from his seat and slipped into the chair next to yours. His touch catches you off guard but you immediately relax as he guides you into his embrace, allowing you to hide yourself in his arms; your face tucked away in his chest. He caresses your hair, his slender fingers thread through your styled locks as he lulls you to comfort from your shaken state.

The two of you stay rooted in that position until you confidently and mentally reassure yourself that you are okay; you’re going to be okay. Your breathing has calmed down from its high and returned to a normal, healthy rate as your tears subsided and are non-existent.

No longer conscious of your makeup— a matter far from substantial to care for anymore— you wipe away the mess around your eyes. Black clumps of mascara and some concealer transfer onto the napkin. Seeing the stains garner a weak laugh to emit from you. Sunghoon cranes his neck to survey what you’ve become engrossed with. He sees the ruined makeup and laughs lightly into your hair. 

You’re thankful that there aren’t many customers dining in tonight and that it’s just you, Sunghoon, and three other parties who are far too busy drinking, conversing, and laughing amongst themselves to acknowledge the young couple tucked away in the corner.

Mrs. Kim leads both you and Sunghoon out of the restaurant with a warmth akin to a grandmother bidding her grandchildren farewell, her heartfelt wish for your safe return home evident in her loving smile.

“Goodbye, Mrs. Kim. Thank you, again, for another delicious dinner.” Sunghoon bows at a 90-degree angle and the formality stirs a boisterous laugh from the frail old lady. You mimic his actions, also expressing your gratitude for the lovely meal and free dessert she served to you guys ‘on the house.’ 

“When you guys come back I better see a wedding ring on her finger, Sunghoon-ah.” Mrs. Kim scolds lightly. You almost choke on your own saliva at the remark, coughing awkwardly to cover up your bewilderment. Sunghoon does his best to maintain his composure for the sake of the elder’s oblivion.

“You guys disappear for two years and still no diamond in sight. I was hoping some big change happened!” She clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth, crossing her arms.

Sunghoon dips his head again in an apologetic manner. “You and Mr. Kim will be the first people we come to with a wedding invitation.” 

You whack the taller’s arm giving him a what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about look, eyebrows scrunched with perplexity. The last thing you want is to continue to feed into Mrs. Kim’s false reality that the two of you are still a couple. Who’s to say that Sunghoon isn’t actually on the same page as you and everything is just a facade? I mean, sure, he’s been flirty here and there, bought you flowers, comforted you at dinner, and practically asked you to take him back… 

Your trust in Sunghoon has clearly waned, a result of your fluctuating self-confidence that leads you to confide in the pessimistic "what ifs." Your clouded judgment and self-doubt gnaw at your thoughts, casting doubt on the possibility of a reunion between the two of you. 

Sunghoon ignores the daggers slicing at the left side of his face and the buzzing pain you inflicted on him from the harsh impact of your hand. His digits dig gently into your side, drawing you closer to him. You stumble ever so slightly and flash an unconvincing awkward smile to the old lady.

You situate yourselves into the driver and passenger seats of his Hyundai Ioniq. You’re quiet when you pull the seat belt over your upper half, and for the first 10 minutes, not a single word was uttered from either you or the male sitting behind the wheel. Your mind loiters as you watch the building lights illuminating the dark troposphere of Seoul whizz by at 2x speed.

You and Mr. Kim will be the first people we come to with a wedding invitation.

Yeah right… You almost roll your eyes but catch yourself prolonging the idea of a hypothetical engagement and wedding ceremony with Sunghoon as your groom. 

Would he have gone down on one knee to propose to you had both of you remained lovers? 

You shake the contemplation loose from your prefrontal cortex. 

“Is it okay if I roll the window down?” You’re the first to break the ice. Sunghoon nods, his attention still focused on the road in front of him. Without looking, his fingers find the car’s air-con button to turn it off and he gives you the ‘go’ to proceed with your desire. 

The tempered glass descends and you’re immediately greeted with the beating rush of the summertime air. You giggle and rest your arms on the weatherstrip trimming of the Hyundai, your head poking out like an excited dog who’s riding in the car with its tongue hanging from its mouth. You close your eyes, taking in the wind that messes with your hair and brushes past your skin. It’s enough to transcend you into a different headspace, almost forgetting that you’re in a moving vehicle and not on some speedboat skidding across the water in Europe.

Sunghoon looks your way, unable to suppress the natural smile that lights up his face whenever he sees you. You truly are a surge of energy he needs when he wants to uplift himself if he’s feeling down. You’re his happy pill— so much so, that he wishes he could keep a chibi version of you for him to carry in the pocket square of his suits and let you rome on the wooden surface of his office desk to help him get through the work day. It’s silly and love-sickening, but Sunghoon only knows how to act a fool with you around him. 

His fingers drum against the padding of the steering wheel, waking you from your daydream. You hadn’t realized that you’ve already made it back to the city and are soon approaching your apartment complex. Your neighborhood is only a couple of turns away from your current destination as the two of you sit at a red light. You roll the window up, at least it was fun for the duration it endured. 

When he pulls up on the side of the street in front of your building, you try to find some lame excuse to stay with him for another minute longer, not wanting to say goodnight to him. You’re scared that this evening will be a one-off event and you'll return to your old ways, enveloped once more in the arms of self-isolation that consumes you completely.

Your grip on the door handle tightens. 

“Sunghoon,” you shift your view in his direction. “You don’t mind walking me to my front door, do you?” 

The male smiles with his eyes.

“Who am I to not accompany a lady when needed.” 

Sunghoon makes quick work to unbuckle himself from the driver’s seat and rounds the front of the car to open the door for you. He holds out his hand for you to take, which you generously do so, and grants him the unspoken permission to whisk you away into the levels of your residential building. 

The elevator ride is a close resemblance to the trip back to your place, however, there’s a contrasting atmosphere waiting to burst like a champagne bottle and spill over. Sunghoon’s holding your hand the entire way and you don’t resist the notion. 

When you approach your unit at the end of the hall, you fish for your keys that are sitting at the bottom of your bag. Sunghoon’s hand slips out of your grasp and you almost whine at the loss of his warmth and touch, but you know he’s only doing it for you to use both free hands to ultimately unlock your door. The click! of the lock coming from the other side is an indication that you can push past the door once the knob is turned.

You stand there, hesitant to enter your own home. 

“I guess— this is it?” You murmur tentatively to yourself and the taller. You rock on your heels purposefully stalling time as you force both him and yourself to stare a little longer at the iron numbers detailing your front door. 

You let out a rigged breath.

“Tonight was great. The longest I’ve been out of the house in a month, really.” You cringe pathetically at the confession knowing that a month ago Yunjin was the one who pulled you out of bed to get some fresh air and sunlight because you were hiding away like a vampire. "Thank you... Sunghoon, for treating me to dinner and spending the evening with me..."

He remains stoic and unusually quiet, making it challenging to decipher what he’s thinking or feeling. You wish you could enter his mind to get a glimpse of how his brain functions. You’d hate to seem pitiful for hoping that his advances from today were, if at all, genuine.

If what he said at dinner was coming from the heart.

As you contemplate what might be your last encounter with your 'the one who got away,’ Sunghoon astounds you with yet another trick up his sleeve, when he secures your wrist in his delicate grasp. Forever one step ahead of you, his lips collide with yours in a passionate fervent. The only appropriate reaction that you can give him in response is to return the kiss with just as much fervor. The strap to your purse slides off your shoulders and lands below you with a little thud thanks to Sunghoon’s antsy hands pushing it out of the way.

He cages you against the surface of the door, your back bumping into it when he forces the distance between your bodies to dissipate. Bothered by the tiny gap that prevents you from being as close as you possibly can to him. The only active barrier is now the layer of clothing he’s wearing and the tiny dress that nearly clings to your every curve. He can’t wait to impatiently rip you out of it and slip in a “I’ll buy you a new one, princess.”

Your hands find sanctuary in his soft hair. How you missed tugging at their roots when he’d go down on you in bed, on the kitchen counter, and in the shower with your one leg supporting your entire weight as Sunghoon made the other side dangle over his shoulder. Those positions are tempting, and biologically the flashbacks of your sexual activity with the male feed into the expansion of your slick that gradually soils your panties.  

You squeeze your thighs together. The pressure of your inner fat is an empty feeling of pleasure that you wish Sunghoon could replace with his tongue, fingers, cock, or all three one at a time. The male notices this cry-for-help and trails his right hand down the sides of your waist. He stops at the lace hemming of the cami dress, bunching the material to provide easy access to your mid-thigh. His fingers dance on your skin, traveling upward ever so slowly in an antagonizing fashion that almost infuriates you for his teasing manner in the heat of the moment. 

Sunghoon reluctantly breaks the kiss. The evidence of your already smudged matte lipstick has left a faint trace on his plump tiers. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, mouth ready to latch onto the sensitive area he knows best that will cloud every crevice of your mind with nothing but want and lust. At the end of this night, all that you will know is how to be his obedient cocksleeve like the good girl he’s conditioned you into.

The sound of someone clearing their throat on the opposite end of your apartment’s hallway is akin to a record player scratch. You’re grateful that the construction workers, or whoever built this place, designed the structure of your building to be a certain way so that the split-off point from the elevator wasn’t a simple corridor style where you could see both fire exits at each side. Instead, it was more so a wide V-shape. 

In other words, no one really caught you and Sunghoon in semi-public eating one another’s faces. 

You stop to share a quiet laugh with Sunghoon and ultimately enter the safe space of your flat, out of your neighbors point of view where they could have had a free, front-row seat to some juicy content. The door closes behind you, you can barely get out of your shoes and make it past the front step leading to your living room when Sunghoon’s haste to have you underneath the sheets with him in your bed has you stumbling backward. He catches you before you can register that you would have fallen onto your ass against the hardwood. His lips serve him well, contributing to the situation as a distraction that redirects your every inner thought bubble. 

Sunghoon casually kicks off his shoes, adding them to the haphazard pile alongside yours— the least of his concerns at the moment.

The kiss from outside repeats itself, and this time, Sunghoon can contently resume what he intended to do had another tenant not interrupted the mood. But the voyeurism exploration kink in him would have liked either sequence of events. 

His tongue traces a wet stripe up your neck, sending a shiver cascading down your spine. You dully bite down on your bottom lip, trying to stifle the whimper that is sanctioned at the back of your throat, trapped by a surge of lust and anticipation. Sunghoon’s mouth ghosts over the shell of your ear, and his hot breath tickles. 

“I wanna hear you, baby.” He slurs. “Don’t be shy on me now.” 

Sunghoon’s lips sheathe that sensitive spot on your neck, causing you to gasp. Your shoulders tense at the foreign feeling of his mouth on your body, and you’ve forgotten how good it was to receive a hickey. You relax under his touch when he gives the soft fat of your waist a reassuring squeeze.

His canines graze your skin while he sucks on the same patch, switching interchangeably to lap his tongue at the area when he begins to see a blossom of red and purple hues mix together, creating the prettiest bruise that would surely take more than a couple of days to fully heal. You groan when his teeth apply the right amount of force onto your flesh, leaving indents in their wake. His perverted mind relishes in the fact that only he is capable of marking you in ways that no other man could ever come close to.

He steps back to fully appreciate his canvas, that is you, and the absolute masterpiece that you are to him.

He leans in, pressing another kiss to your lips, this time with a gentler, more tender spirit, devoid of any sloppy motions. It’s delicate, a striking contrast to the heated lip-locking session the two of you were entranced with just moments ago on the other side of your apartment door. His larger palms cup your face as the pads of his thumbs caress the apples of your cheeks, making you feel loved and cared for.

Sunghoon lures your tongue into his mouth, clamping his lips around the muscle. He suckles at it, eliciting the cutest whimpers that he missed hearing from you since you’ve been gone. 

“Hnngh… Hah,” you pry yourself off of him, a string of your shared saliva connects the two of your equally moist lips. 

Your puffy lips shimmer in the moonlight streaming into your livingroom, as if the moon itself decided to play a starring role tonight. You squeeze his bicep, noticing that the muscle has doubled in size since you last touched it. You peer up at the taller through your eyelashes and Sunghoon has to conceal his primal instincts from fucking your throat with his raging hard-on. 

Your fingers graze the fabric of his long-sleeve collar, tracing delicate patterns across the black tie donned around his neck. Something about being able to witness a man up close in a suit never failed to provoke a flood of arousal from overwhelming your erogenous zone. Specifically, Sunghoon. It’s a shame— not really— that it eventually has to come off. With a deft touch, you begin to unravel the four-in-hand knot, a testament to Sunghoon’s meticulous self-preparation. The silk unravels, revealing its intricate texture beneath your fingertips. 

You assist Sunghoon in removing his suit jacket next, observing it gracefully descend to the floor. You briefly wonder why he's so nonchalant about leaving such an expensive garment on the ground, but he dismisses your concern with a wave of his hand. After all, as a chairman, he has the means and privilege to easily replace such clothing items.

You decide that it’s your turn to take the lead for once and initiate another heated session of sultry lip service. Your mouth kisses Sunghoon’s with primal hunger. Teeth clash, and you see no remorse for your hostility sponsored by pent-up sexual frustration and longing for some sort of relief that only Sunghoon can render. 

In a poor attempt to unbutton the last layer of clothing that shields Sunghoon’s upper half, your fingers fumble with the small disks that are fastened by the slits. You whine frustratedly against his lips once you realize you’re not making much progress. It is incredibly hard to multitask when your tongue is being manhandled by his.

“Here, lemme do it.“ Sunghoon mutters in a low growl. 

He tears open the placket just like he would to a bag of chips, and the buttons you were struggling to relieve him of pop off in ease, taunting you for your lack of efficiency at getting him out of his attire. He wriggles his arms free from the restraints of his sleeves and shrugs the apparel from the summit of his shoulders, allowing the ruined piece to join his suit jacket on the floor.

“Your turn, babe.” 

He twirls you around, your back fully pressed against his front as the tent in his pants pokes at your globes. The thrill of his length nestled between your ass spurs you to grind yourself on him, a staggered exhale of his hot breath fans the curvature of your trapezius, prickling your skin. The cotton material of your underwear cultivates a sticky sensation the longer you stay trapped in it.

“S-shit baby, you’re a fucking tease.” Sunghoon grabs your chin, forcing your head to turn his way so that he can seize your lips in an inconsistent kiss. Alternatively, it’s a tongue duel of him wanting to shove the muscular organ down your throat.

“A-ahh,” You moan helplessly.

He yanks the zipper of your dress. The item peels off of your bust, exposing your bare skin and naked torso simultaneously. You have to wriggle your hips past the remaining fabric in order to fully reveal your bare figure to Sunghoon— besides your damp panties that is.

“No bra today? It’s almost like you were expecting this to happen…” Sunghoon taunts.

“N-no…” You squeak, shaking your head.

“No? Use your words baby.”

You turn to face him, your perky mounds that come into his view are a sight for sore eyes. Even in the dark and scant amount of natural lighting from the celestial object in the night sky, is Sunghoon competent at reading your flustered features. How you manage to be cute yet look so lewd all at once is beyond his comprehension.

“I-I didn’t wear a bra because I thought it’d be easier to go without one.” You mumble, telling the truth.

“That’s better,” Sunghoon coos. He pecks your cheek and you smile at the reward.

“Eeek! S-Sunghoon!” You burst into a fit of shared laughter and giggles when said name scoops you into his arms, your body cradled against his chest, as your legs dangled over his one arm while the other supports your back.

“Just practicing when we’re both walking down the aisle at our future wedding.” Sunghoon jests.

Tenderness fills your eyes when you look up at him. He’s joked about the hypothetical conception of marriage twice in the night that you’re fully convinced it wouldn’t be all that bad of an idea. Given that both of you are ready and first rekindle the status of your relationship, of course.

Sunghoon grins. There’s a gentle kindness to his pearly whites, and you reach up to press a chaste kiss to his jawline.

He relocates to your bedroom. Gently, he lays you down on the bed, your body propped up on your forearms, bearing the weight of your upper half. With an unwavering gaze, you study Sunghoon closely, every detail of his expression and every nuance of his presence.

His eyebrows knit and meet in the middle, fixated on undoing his pants to escape from their restraints, followed by his underwear soon after. His stiff member rebounds off his lower abdomen, precum leaking from the mushroom tip. A satisfied exhale leaves his mouth. He stalks over to you with a sly smirk, towering your smaller frame when he crawls on top of the bed, his knees plant themselves into the mattress and his additional weight dips the space where you lay.

You whine when his length ghosts at the expanse of your inner thigh, suspense and arousal continue to bubble inside of you. Sunghoon murmurs for you to lay back. “Make yourself comfortable,” were his initial instructions before hooking the waistband of your panties with his fingers and dragging them below your legs. The undergarment was tossed to the side.

You nibble at your bottom lip and screw your eyes shut when a slender finger circles the perimeter of your labia.

“You’re so wet babe,” Sunghoon purrs.

Your breath hitches at the back of your throat when he slides his index finger through your inner lips, gathering an abundance of your slick to bring to his mouth for a taste. Both eyes flutter open in time to witness Sunghoon suck at the digit drenched with your arousal. The sight is sinfully lewd, nearly too much for you to handle. Your face reddens and you fight the inclination to hide behind your hands.

“You taste so good, too.“ He licks at his lips. “Wanna try?” Sunghoon cocks his head to the side, and you can’t find it in you to turn down his offer when he looks so innocent— yet acts like the devil himself when he’s overcome with lust. You nod your head with approval.

His duality needs to be studied at Harvard, you think in the back of your mind.

Sunghoon plunges his index finger past your hole, triggering your back to arch an inch off the bed. He chuckles lowly and watches as your hands grab desperately at the sheets beneath you to steady your sanity. The singular digit curls inside of you. Your unforeseen shock is vocalized in the form of a moan and Sunghoon repeats the motion several times.

“O-oh my god—“ You gasp.

The ravenette withdraws his finger and taps at your mouth, signaling you to open. You submit to his implicit dictation. Your lips encase his pointer, tongue swirling around it like a piece of sweet candy you’re tasting for the first time.

You bat your eyelashes prettily and moan. “Mmmh…”

“Dirty girl,” Sunghoon sniggers. He retracts his finger and you let it slip past your mouth with a ‘pop’ sound.

“Can you please give me your cock now?” You plead with a pout, doing your best impression of an endearing set of puppy eyes.

Sunghoon chuckles. “Let me at least prep you first, baby. How long has it been since you’ve had someone’s cock inside of you, anyways?”

You part your lips but close it just as quickly. To be candid, you've never been one to actively immerse yourself in the 'I'm single' scene. Your only foray into it was with Yunjin, roughly three weeks after your split with Sunghoon. The two of you ventured to a club, but it proved to be a brief endeavor. Within two hours, the fifth shot became a catalyst, turning you into an unending fountain of tears.

“Y/n?”

“Huh? Oh. Sorry…”

“I’m sorry baby. Did I overstep your boundaries?” Sunghoon cups your face with his right hand, his eyes scan yours, sincerity and concern laced in those chocolate orbs of his.

You stifle a giggle. Of all boundaries he could have crossed he draws the line at asking for your body count and not him fingering you.

“What? What’s so funny?” He asks.

“Nothing just… I think it’s ironic you ask me that now and not before we did all of this.” You motion to your bare bodies when you say ‘this.’

Sunghoon’s ears redden.

“But don’t worry, Hoonie.” You hook your arms around his neck and pull him closer to pepper his face with several reassuring kisses. “I don’t mind it all. Now can you please fuck my brains out!”

Your ex (whatever he is to you at this point) throws his head back to share a quick laugh, shortly pressing his forehead against yours.

Without warning, he buries three fingers in your pussy; your hips twitch at the sentience. They slide in and out without strain and together the two of you watch as he finger fucks your hole to “prep” for his cock. The squelching noise of your juices fill the room in addition to your moaning, and Sunghoon confronts a hurdle of his patience wearing thin, wanting to fuck you senseless.

His digits leave your hole and you whine immediately at the loss. Sunghoon uses the mass quantity of slick as a substitute for lube to lather on his angry cock. He shuffles against the bed, forcing your legs even further apart to fit himself in between them. The stretch burns your muscles but is soon forgotten when the tip of his length is rubbing your folds, occasionally bumping your swollen clit which generates a needy whine.

Sunghoon’s face screws with ecstasy when his shaft inches past your entrance. Your walls hug his length and he whimpers at the tight muscles that suffocate his erection. You squirm under him, tensed and breathing heavily. It’s hard to relax when seven inches feel like it’s splitting you in half after a long hiatus from sex. Sunghoon notices your discomfort and stills his hips from pushing further, allowing you the necessary time to adjust.

“Sorry baby, I know it’s been a while. You can take it, right? Like the good girl you are?”

You nod. He kisses your forehead, cheek, and lips to soothe your anxiety, using his lips as a distraction to keep your mind from zoning in on his cock. He seizes the opportunity to fit the rest of his length inch-by-inch, and you feel like a virgin all over again when the burn of his cock stretching you open is almost too unbearable.

“Sshh, it’ll be alright, baby.” He wipes away a loose tear. “I’m gonna move, tell me when and if it’s too much, okay?”

“O-okay, Hoonie…”

Steadily, Sunghoon recedes his hips, cock following in suit, just enough for the tip to be the only thing that your pussy clenches on. He snaps forward, your boobs jiggle at the motion and your eyes are rolling to the back of your head when he repeatedly thrusts at a steadfast pace. The pain you were once scared of is no longer a fear you have to worry about, as pleasure is the only thing you know how to feel.

“F-faster, harder, p-please Hoon.” You fight through broken moans to let your voice be heard.

“Shit—“ He curses.

Sunghoon’s fingers dig into the plush fat of your waist while his other hand presses into the space of your bed next to the side of your head. His eyebrows knit, focused entirely on increasing the speed of his thrusts. He continues to piston fuck your pussy, abusing your hole in the utmost gratifying procedure. Your thighs jiggle each time that his balls slap against your skin. Everything reminds him of an amateur homemade video he’s seen from other couples perform on Pornhub. He’ll have to ask you some other day if you’d ever be open to filming your own tapes to watch back.

“Mmh, right there, Hoonie.” You sigh dreamily, locking your legs around his waist and linking your ankles together. “You’re fucking me so good— Aah!” A high pitch squeal slips from your vocal box when his tip probes at your G-spot.

“F-fuck,” Sunghoon leans in close, relying only on one forearm to hold himself up from crushing you with his entire weight. He hides his face in your boobs, tongue flicking at the sensitive bud that hardens in response. He persistently thrusts deeper, his cockhead pressing against your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Hnngh… Y-yes, yesyesyes!” You chant. Your fingers tangle themselves in his hair, scratching gently at his scalp and tugging whenever his mouth would suck or massage at your breasts. “You’re gonna— make me c-cum!“

Sunghoon’s unrelenting despite your warning. He can feel your walls clamping around his shaft, signaling your impending orgasm, and it taunts him to force himself deeper within your warm cavern at every jerk of his hips. Your hands fall to his biceps. Nails digging into his skin as your face distorts into extreme pleasure.

“I’m so close too, baby.” He groans. “Just.” Thrust. “A.” Thrust. “Couple.” Thrust. “M-more!”

“I’m cumming! I’m c-cumming—“ Your hips tremble with a frenzied urgency as your pussy pulsates around Sunghoon’s cock. Your mouth opens in a silent gasp and a long, impassioned moan escapes your lips. The sheer intensity of the moment leaving you incoherent and lost in ecstasy.

Sunghoon twitches inside of you. “Hah— you’re so— fuck!— s-sexy,” He grunts. Your head thrashes at the overstimulation of his length continuously pumping into you and you push at Sunghoon’s chest weakly, crying on his cock for him to slow down. You whine, whimper, plead for mercy so that your pussy can recover from the intense orgasm you just experienced not too long ago. In spite of that, he ignores your pleas and concentrates on finishing. It isn’t until white ropes of cum are shooting at your walls when his thrusts start to get sloppier and progressively come to a stop.

“Fuck.” Sunghoon exhales through gritted teeth. Both of you are a panting mess trying to catch your breaths as your chests rise and fall synchronously. The ravenette pulls out slowly and he groans when he sees his seed spill out of your hole, it closely reminds him of those hentai comics he’s read through illegal websites.

“I’ll get something to help clean you up.” Sunghoon lifts his weight from the bed but you reach for his forearm to grab him. You don’t have to say anything for him to understand that you don’t want him to leave your side. He brings a hand to yours, the pad of his thumb grazing the hills of your knuckles soothingly. “It’ll be fast, I promise.”

Not even 30 seconds has gone by when he re-enters your room with a damp cloth. He wipes at the areas where a mix of your cum and his seed litter your skin with sticky residue. He discards of the ruined cloth before joining you in bed where you welcome him with open arms. He plops down next to you and you turn to lay on your side so that you can get a proper view of his handsome face in post-sex afterglow. You reach out to gently touch his moles that adorn his features. The moles you missed seeing as the first thing in the morning when you’d wake up with him by your side. He grins lazily and cranes his neck to bring his lips to your forehead.

“Sunghoon…?” Your faces are merely inches apart from one another. Though the close proximity is not a foreign situation— especially after just having sex— you speak to him with a hushed tone.

“Yes?” He inquires.

“At the restaurant, you implied that you wanted to get back together again… Is it true? Do you really mean it?” Your lips are quivering and you mentally berate yourself for being so soft hearted in these types of scenarios where emotions are high, vulnerable, and transparency is called upon.

Sunghoon breathes shakily. “I really mean it. I miss you, Y/n.” He tucks away loose strands of hair that fall on your face. “These past two years without you have been hell. The first couple of months were so bad, I almost reconsidered being the chairman for father’s company so I could fight for us. Fight for you. I’m sorry if that part of my life got in our way as a couple, and I wish I had made more of an effort to be around you.”

You sniffle, “It wasn’t just your fault. I should’ve communicated instead of thinking I know better and that I thought what I did was for the greater good— because it wasn’t. And you’re right, the two years I spent without you were awful. I never wanna go through that again.”

Sunghoon loops an arm around your waist and guides your head to bury against his chest.

“We don’t have to.”

Morning rays gently infiltrate the room as Sunghoon stands before the full-length mirror in your shared master bedroom. His voice carries across the space as he greets his loving wife, 'Good morning, Mrs. Park,' while he meticulously adjusts his tie.

You stir in bed. The unwelcome intrusion of sunlight forces you awake despite the supposedly blackout curtains you requested when you first moved in with Sunghoon. You sigh in irritation. Dismissing the hope of another ten minutes of sleep, you push yourself upright, your arms stretching above your head, accompanied by a vibrant yawn. Sunghoon, amused by your morning ritual, chuckles softly.

“Still sleepy?” Your husband turns to face you after successfully finishing the Windsor knot of his tie. You blink away the fog of grogginess from your eyes and grin when you get a clear vision of your husband clad in his usual work uniform.

“Mmm… you’re so handsome.”

Sunghoon's face lights up with a genuine smile, touched by your kind words that always seem to set the perfect tone for his day. He approaches your side of the bed with a confident saunter and takes a seat beside you.

“Any plans for today, my lovely wife?”

You can't help but giggle at his endearing habit of calling you 'wife' and 'Mrs. Park.' It's become a sweet tradition between the two of you, a reminder of your loving bond that has grown since your wedding day. You twist your hand to observe the silver band that ornaments your ring finger. The diamond twinkles back at you in the bask of the light.

“I think Yunjin and I are getting brunch, then we’re going shopping right after, and later in the evening we’re gonna drink some wine and paint as we gossip about our husbands.”

Sunghoon laughs. “You’ve got a busy day ahead of yourself then.” He nudges your side playfully and you giggle. “Don’t forget to fit me into your schedule. Let’s go out for dinner tonight.”

“Cold noodles and ginseng chicken soup?”

“Where it all started.”

You envelop yourself in your husband's embrace, showering him with affectionate kisses. Starting from his moles and moving to both cheeks, his nose, forehead, and, ultimately, his irresistible lips, you express your love and absolute adoration for him with each tender peck.

“I love you, Mr. Park.” You murmur against his plush tiers.

His fingers delicately sweep aside the loose strands of hair obscuring your face, as he lovingly takes in every captivating feature, examining them with deep worship.

“I love you more, Mrs. Park.”

Two years ago you and Sunghoon sealed the knot in California. The ceremony took place at the Alila Ventana wedding venue, perched on a cliff along the rugged coast line of Big Sur. It offered a dramatic landscape, nestled amidst towering redwood trees, and a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean; the perfect picturesque backdrop for photos and videography. The outdoor spaces, gourmet dining, and coastal elegance were truly significant factors of your reception.

Sunghoon kept his promise to Mrs. Kim when the time came to send out the wedding invitations. Her excitement was beyond words as both of you entered the restaurant, radiating a newfound delight. Her gaze immediately fixated on the sparkling diamond ring on your finger— the same one she had scolded him for, which was now complete.

Come time to exchange your vows, Sunghoon's heartfelt declaration to cherish and devote himself to your love made it extremely difficult to keep your makeup in tact. Yunjin, your appointed maid of honor, had to step in to hand you tissues one after the other. The audience laughing to themselves at your showcase of emotions.

True to his words, Sunghoon carried you bridal style as he stalked down the aisle. Your families and friends cheering from their seats, their joyous applause resonating through the air. The warmth of their smiles and the happy tears in their eyes mirrored the love that enveloped you both in that moment.

Since then, life with Sunghoon after marriage was anything but dull.

[joelscruff]

feelings on fire (joel miller x f!reader) 18+ PART ONE

"trying to play it coy, trying to make it disappear"

⚠️ new series alert! ⚠️ and also my 1k follower celebration!!! (altho it might as well be the 2k celebration now considering how fast my following has grown. thank you ;-;) i polled my followers a little while ago to choose between 3 different fic premises and this one was the winner! it was originally meant to be a stand alone but i'm actually more interested in making it a brand new series, so i hope you guys enjoy! i'm not exactly sure how many parts this will be yet, i'll let you know when i do. title and lyrics are from 'bad liar' by selena gomez.

summary: you're back from college for the summer, staying with your devout catholic parents in your childhood home while they order you around and try to keep authority over you. as an act of rebellion you ask your new neighbor mr. miller to teach you how to play guitar, but it turns out there's a lot more he wants to teach you. (no outbreak, no use of y/n) rating: 18+ explicit (minors, do not interact) warnings: (for this fic in general) age difference (reader is in her 20s, joel in his 50s), innocent/inexperienced reader, dirty old man joel, corruption (but it's consensual), praise kink, dirty talk, general smut, mentions of religion (reader's family are very catholic) -- (for this chapter) wet dreams, mentions of masturbation. word count: 5k ao3

The sun is warm and pleasant on your bare skin as you lay out in the freshly mown grass of your backyard, absorbing the heat and smiling languidly despite the humidity. You're grateful for your family's wealth on days like today, knowing that at any moment you could take a few steps and dive headfirst into the cool water of your pool, fresh and inviting. It's been about a month since you returned and you've spent almost every day outside among the green grass, the chlorinated water, the burning Texas sun. It's been heaven.

The backdoor suddenly swings open and your father's voice booms out into the backyard, "Family meeting," he states, loud and serious, "Five minutes."

Or hell.

With a groan you slowly sit up, hands digging into the thin towel laid out beneath you. You know better than to ignore an order like that. Being back from college for the summer has certainly had it's perks; no annoying roommates, no loud parties, a large backyard and pool to yourself, but having to deal with your parents again certainly isn't one of them. You'd thought coming back after three years might have softened them a bit, lowered their guard, made them less strict. Instead, it's almost had the opposite effect.

You slide into your flip flops and walk begrudgingly inside the house, making note of your mother standing anxiously by the stove with her arms crossed. What's the issue now? At least once a week your father calls these "family meetings", which always pertain to you and only you, seeing as you're their only child. Last week they'd spent half an hour berating you about forgetting to put the garbage out, the week before they'd tried to explain the importance of an early bed time to you, like you were seven.

You're a grown woman, a full fledged adult. Sure, you're only twenty one, you're unemployed, you're currently in the process of obtaining an arts degree that probably won't secure you anything tangible in the real world, but you're an adult nonetheless. You only have one year left of school before you can leave all this behind and start fresh somewhere else. You'd thought coming back home for one more summer would bring nostalgia and happiness, a few months of normality before life exploded in front of you.

Turns out your parents had pictured something different.

Your father gestures toward the kitchen table, urging for you to sit. You hate when they do this, make you feel small and childish while they both stand above you and reiterate rules they've had your whole life, rules that apparently you'll never grow out of. You wonder what rule you've broken now.

"We've noticed that you barely leave the house," your father begins, voice deep and authoritative, "We were under the impression that when you came home you'd be spending time with old friends, doing some volunteering again."

"Going to church," your mother adds beside him, a frown permanently etched on her face, "You've only gone twice since you've been here."

Call the cops, you think to yourself, forcibly holding back an eyeroll. Ironically your father is a police officer, and you highly doubt he'd ever come if you called.

"Instead, you just spend all your time in that backyard," he continues, nodding along with your mother, "We didn't invite you back to simply laze around all summer, there have been clear expectations you're not meeting."

You take a deep breath, feeling a hint of anger and stubbornness burning in the pit of your stomach. You shove it down, back to that secret hiding place you've cultivated throughout all these years of having to deal with them.

"I'm sorry, dad," you say, trying to sound as earnest as possible as you look to him and then your mother, "Sorry, mom."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, we need to see action," your father replies quickly, brow furrowed, "No more lounging around in the backyard on weekdays, that's a weekend activity from now on, we clear?"

You nod, "Clear."

"We want you to get involved in something," your mom takes a step forward, places her hand awkwardly on your shoulder, "Why don't you call Bethany? She's always looking for more helpers at Sunday School, or maybe Alice? I hear she's been volunteering at the soup kitchen for the summer."

You haven't spoken to either Bethany or Alice since you left for university three years ago. The thought of calling them, let alone having to work with them in either setting, makes you feel ill. You nod again, pretending to agree.

"That sounds good, I'll call them tomorrow morning," Both of your parents smile, appeased, "I think I'll go for a walk now, if that's okay. Clear my head, think about things I can do to improve."

"That's the spirit," your dad says, wrapping an arm around your mother, "Remember, be back before dinner or the door will be locked."

"I know," you nod, forcing a smile, "I won't forget."

--

Well, that's it, then. You'll have to leave.

It sounds dramatic to say that your parents telling you to get off your ass is enough to send you packing, but it goes so much deeper than that. You've spent your entire life doing everything these people say, nodding and smiling when you're meant to, apologizing for everything, doing anything you can to appease and impress them. You'd spent your high school years in youth choir, church group, organizing fundraisers, studying your ass off, tutoring, joining as many extracurriculars as possible until you had no free time. And even then, nothing ever seemed to be enough for them.

When you'd left for college they'd both cried at the airport, held you in their arms and told you with sincerity that they'd miss you so much. Your mother had kissed your face and held your hands and your father had hugged you for the first time since you were eleven years old. And because of their sudden burst of emotions, of affection, you'd actually missed them once you left. You remember you'd cried on the plane, scrolling through pictures of them on your phone until the battery died, thinking to yourself that maybe they weren't the horrible, authoritarian people you thought they were.

They called you once a week while you were at college, asking for updates, telling you they missed you, giving you neighborhood gossip that made you laugh and feel nostalgic for home. Being away from them, it was like they suddenly became two entirely new people, bonded together by their suddenly empty nest and seemingly trying to do right by you now, even if it felt a little too late. You'd thought about coming home a few times for a visit, but the memories that triggered the anger in the pit of your stomach kept you from doing so. You'd kept them at arm's length until you felt ready to come back.

And now you're back, and nothing has changed. They're the same people they always were, expecting too much of you, thinking they can control you, never quite believing that you're trying your best. You'd told them before you came that you just wanted to relax this summer, spend some time at home, maybe meet up with some old friends - keyword being maybe - and they'd seemed totally on board with the idea. There had been no mentions of keeping busy, no mentions of Sunday School or soup kitchens or rules. Then you'd arrived and realized how stupid you'd been to believe that they could ever change.

Your entire life you've been their perfect girl, their A+ student who volunteered and read bible verses and tutored the neighborhood kids, sacrificed your happiness more times than you can count for the sake of keeping them satisfied. But that's the thing: they're not satisfied, and they never will be.

Your flip flops smack against the concrete of your suburban street, sun beginning to set in the distance as you think about how exactly you're going to escape this hell. Yeah, you could just walk out the front door without a word, but it's not like you have anywhere to go or the money to do it. You have your plane ticket for your return flight back to school, but it's not 'til September and it's under your father's name. Your family might be wealthy but none of that wealth has ever gone directly into your pocket, and you doubt it ever will if you just bail on them in the middle of the night with no warning.

Your thoughts scatter when you hear someone call out your name nearby. Your head swivels and you see one of your neighbors, Mrs. Lillard, waving from her front porch. You wave back, give her a small smile.

"How's college treatin' ya?" she calls to you, taking a sip from a bottle of beer, "Got a boyfriend?"

Your cheeks warm immediately and shake your head, "Not yet!" you call back.

"I bet you're battin' 'em all away," her voice is slurred and you're sure that's probably not her first beer of the day, "Nobody's good enough for ya, huh?"

"I guess," you say awkwardly, continuing to walk and hoping she won't ask you to join her for a beer, "How's your husband?"

"Pain in my ass," she responds with a grunt and takes another swig, "Bet you can't wait to have your own white picket fence, perfect as you are."

Her words make you uncomfortable but you just give her your signature fake laugh and flip your hair, waving again, "Bye, Mrs. Lillard."

Your face falls as soon as you turn around, anger burning again. You've spent so much of your life being the picture perfect little suburban girl, doing everything your parents say, saying your prayers and reading to the elderly, killing yourself to get straight A's and only speaking when spoken to. Your reputation is widely known around the neighborhood; the sweet little girl, the pure and innocent God fearing angel. You've portrayed yourself as that girl for so long that you almost don't know which part of you is real anymore.

You keep walking down the street, eyeing the sunset as you go and wondering what would happen if you just didn't go back home tonight. As your father had said, he locks the door every night after dinner; you don't have a key, you've never had a key. You're only allowed into your house on the basis of trust and good merit. If you just refused to go back tonight, how would they react? The thought of doing something like that sends a warm flush of rebellion across your skin, eyes bright with intrigue. But where would you go?

You turn the corner and your nose is suddenly hit with the delectable scent of a barbecue, smokey and delicious. You slow a bit, closing your eyes and breathing in the warm air, stomach growling. You suddenly realize that if you don't go home tonight you'll also miss dinner. Another rule broken. You keep walking, trying to follow the scent like some kind of bloodhound. Maybe you know whoever's cooking and they'll invite you to eat with them.

A few houses down you start to hear the sound of music. There must be a party going on, a birthday or some other special occasion. It's only as you get closer to the sound that you realize it's not being played from a speaker or stereo, but from someone's front porch; a real guitar, live and acoustic.

You approach the house in question and see a man sitting on his front step, guitar in hand as he strums a steady tune. He's looking down, watching his fingers, monitoring his movements, but you see dark brown curls with hints of grey peppered throughout, a stubbled jaw line and curved nose. You slow your speed, furrowing your brow as you try to place him. You're not sure you've ever seen him before.

His music is calm and inviting, a plucky sounding tune that seems vaguely familiar. You're suddenly filled with intrigue, trying to place the song and slowing to a complete stop in front of the house without meaning to. You watch the man's callused fingers pick away at the strings, fast and professional, like he's been doing this for years. He probably has.

You're still trying to place the song, biting your lip and swiping through songs in your mind like an invisible rolodex. Johnny Cash? Bob Dylan? It sounds like one of those songs your parents would forbid you to listen to as a kid, the ones with devil worship in their lyrics, sung by bad men who didn't believe in God. You'd always questioned this logic, wondered how songs about living out in the country or falling in love could be inherently against your religion. They didn't even listen to it, just blindly told you it was against the rules.

Suddenly the man stops playing and you realize the song has come to an end. He looks up then, notices you standing there at the end of his walk with your furrowed brow and flip flops. His eyes are brown, expression startled at first but then fading into something softer as he gives you a small smile.

"Been there long?" he asks, voice crackling slightly, like he hasn't spoken much today.

You shake your head quickly, "I'm sorry, I heard you playing and I-"

"S'alright," he replies strumming his guitar absentmindedly and giving you a shrug, "I don't mind an audience."

He's southern, definitely a Texan, but you're sure you've never met him before. His face and voice are unfamiliar to you, but certainly not unwelcome. He's older, probably in his 40s or even 50s, but he's handsome and slightly boyish in a way despite his greying hair and freckled skin. He reminds you of one of those men on album covers your father had slammed down one day in the record store when you were nine, yelled at you in front of everyone that the men who made that music were filthy sinners. It hadn't stopped you from listening to them, though, curiosity getting the better of you.

Is that who you're looking at now? A filthy sinner?

"You okay?" he asks slowly, tilting his head. You realize you're just staring at him, gathering your thoughts.

You shake your head again quickly, feeling yourself blush under his gaze, "Sorry," you repeat, "I'm uh, I was just passing by and I heard you playing that song. It sounded really familiar."

He gives you a crooked smile and a nod, "Tangled Up in Blue, Bob Dylan."

"I knew it was Bob Dylan," you say, a satisfied smile spreading across your face. That song was from one of the albums you'd listened to in secret, one of the only times you'd had to delete your browser history. You feel pride swell in your chest at the smile you elicit from the man in response, like he's recognizing a fellow music lover.

"Good ear," he continues to lightly pluck at the strings of his guitar, "You play?"

"Um, not really." It's a half truth but mainly a lie, you've never played in your life. You feel slightly disappointed in yourself and you're not sure why; it's not like you've ever felt any kind of urge to learn, especially considering your parents would've made sure you only learned appropriate songs. When would you have even found the time between all your extracurriculars?

"Well, it ain't difficult," he starts playing the song again, slower this time, "Pretty repetitive chord progression, room for some adlibbin' here and there once you get the hang of it."

You nod like you understand what he's talking about, suddenly lost in the way his fingers pull at the strings, make the music come to life out of nothing. His hands are big, fingers long and thick as they curve back and forth, up and down. It's hypnotic to watch. He stops again and looks up, catches you staring.

"How old are you?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You swallow, unsure what exactly the right answer is. Part of you wants to lie, tell him you're older than you actually are so he doesn't just see you as some bright eyed kid. This is the first person you've encountered since coming back who doesn't know who you are, doesn't know about your reputation. You could tell him anything, be anyone, and he'd take it at face value.

"I'm twenty five," you lie, but it sounds unnatural in your mouth.

He looks you up and down, eyes raking your body in a way you're unfamiliar with. Like a man. Like the way your roommates back in college get looked at, sensually and flirtatiously, being eyed up by drunk guys at the bar who only have one thing on their mind. You feel your heart begin to thrum quicker in your chest; is that really how this man is looking at you? This grown man, not a high school crush or a college fratboy, a real man?

"Sweetheart, we both know that's a lie," he says with a chuckle, eyes coming back to rest on your face, "I'd guess twenty."

You make a face, "I'm twenty one, actually."

He laughs again, putting his hands up in surrender, "My bad, twenty one."

You watch as he starts to strum once again, something new and unfamiliar. You listen for a few moments, eyes trained back on his fingers, watching him play.

"You wanna come in for a bit?" he asks, voice nonchalant, like he's asking you something completely casual.

And maybe he is, but the words make your eyes widen, your breath catching in your throat. The way he'd looked at you just then, laughed at your words, wanted to know your age... now he's inviting you into his house? You've never actually been flirted with before, not when it mattered, and you're not entirely sure if that's what's happening. But it feels like it, even though you can't imagine how someone like him could see anything sexy about a girl like you.

"...Why?" you ask quietly.

He looks up at you with another smile, still plucking the strings, "If you need to ask then maybe I read you wrong," he chuckles again, eyes trailing down your legs and taking in your short dress, the way it stops at your knees, "Now that I really look at you, maybe I'm talkin' to a good Christian girl."

"You're not," you say it too quickly, "I mean, I'm not. I'm not a good Christian girl."

"No?" he smirks, "Don't have a good southern daddy waitin' for you to come home? Momma waitin' with a pie in the oven?" he's not being serious but you feel your skin flush at the accuracy of his words.

"Maybe," you mutter, hand going down to touch your dress nervously, "But maybe I don't wanna go home."

He nods and stops plucking, licking his lips and thinking to himself. You have to admit, there's something about him that draws you to him, something masculine and new. He's much, much older than you but not in a way that creeps you out or makes you want to run away. You find yourself hoping he'll ask you to come inside again so this time you can give him the right answer, the one he wants to hear.

"You probably should," he finally says, then stands up on his porch steps and slips his guitar onto his back. The strap digs into his broad shoulders, accentuating his size as he suddenly towers over you on the step.

"Sh-should what?" you ask breathlessly, and you wonder if he can tell your heart race has picked up, see the thumping of your pulse in your exposed neck.

"Go back home," he says with a shrug, "I mean, if they're waitin' for you..."

"They're not," you say it with firm finality, shaking your head, "I'm twenty one, I do what I like."

He walks down the steps then, getting closer and closer to you until he's suddenly standing directly in front of you. His eyes cast downward, assessing your expression; you swear he looks at your lips and licks his own again.

"So would you like to come inside?" he asks again, peering down at you with a dark sense of desire that makes you swallow roughly, feel a light and steady thrum between your legs, "Let me teach you how to play that song?"

Here's your chance. Just say yes.

"N-no," you gasp, taking a step back from him, "Um, n-not today."

He smirks, almost like he knew that would be your response. He hitches his guitar up his shoulder and gives you one last smile before turning around and walking back up his steps.

"Well, I'm here if you change your mind," he calls back to you, reaching for the doorknob on his front door and peering at you with another side glance, still assessing you, "Would love to teach a pretty thing like you how to use her fingers."

You feel your lips part in surprise, an unfamiliar tingling sensation flooding your body as he gives you a wink and walks into his house, shutting the door behind him. You've still got that steady throbbing feeling in your underwear, something you've only felt a handful of times. You know what it is, you're not completely clueless, but you can't remember the last time it happened.

You take another step back slowly, heart still pounding in your chest as you stare at his closed door. Then you turn on your heel and speed walk back the way you came, flip flops slapping against the ground aggressively. You revel in the way your thighs rub together as you walk, soothing that ache.

Any thoughts of not going home have gone from your mind. You need to ask your parents who this man is. As soon as possible.

-

You get home right before dinner, giving yourself just enough time to formulate exactly how to ask your parents about the man with the guitar. You're slightly afraid that you might seem too eager, too curious, and that they'll see right through you; you can't imagine how they'd react to knowing their perfect little girl is getting butterflies over a middle aged man.

But that's what you have: butterflies. In your tummy, all over your skin, between your legs. Being talked to the way he did, being looked at the way he did, it's making you feel hot all over, itchy and uncomfortable but in a good way.

The last time you felt this way was during your first week of college, at a party you'd gone to with your roommate. You'd seen him across the room, tall and blonde, watched as he licked his lips and looked you up and down. He was gorgeous, an angel you were convinced God had placed at this party just for you. You felt that tingle between your legs, swallowed down the nervous lump in your throat and imagined what it would be like to be kissed by him.

Then he'd approached and you realized he'd been looking at your roommate the entire time.

Your mother is just beginning to plate the meal when you slip into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table beside your father. She serves you both with a smile and sits, then extends her hands to both of you.

"Bless us, O Lord, for these, Thy gifts," she begins quietly, and you quickly hang your head and close your eyes as she continues, "which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."

"Amen," you and your dad echo, then begin your meal. Just the same as always.

"How was your walk?" your father asks.

Here goes nothing.

"It was nice," you say, nodding thoughtfully to yourself and hoping you sound nonchalant, "I said hi to Mrs. Lillard."

"We've been praying for her," your mom interjects immediately, "She's an alcoholic, you know."

Your mom stays on top of all the neighborhood gossip, part of the reason you feel she might know something about the mysterious man. With a nod of your head you continue, "And then I saw someone else, a man playing guitar on his front porch, but I've never seen him before."

"Oh, him" your mom rolls her eyes, "Mr. Miller. Piece of work."

Bingo.

Your eyebrows raise, intrigued, "How so?"

"Kindness, dear," your father says with a disapproving nod to your mother, "He's done nothing to us."

She sighs and shakes her head, "You're right, I'm sorry."

The conversation is definitely going somewhere but it's already taking a turn into dangerous territory; you're not one to question, to interfere or interject. Pressing them further might make them suspicious, but you have to know.

"What did he do?" you ask, trying your best to sound casual, "If you don't mind me asking?"

Your mother is about to speak but your father gives her a look, almost a warning. She closes her mouth and sits back in her chair, waiting for him to answer you instead.

"He didn't do anything," your father explains, "Your mother invited him for dinner and he declined, that's all."

"It's the way he declined," your mother sits forward again, voice curt and irritated, "He was very rude."

"Rude?" You can tell your mom wants to talk about it, dredge up something she hasn't been able to discuss for a while; you're surprised she hadn't already told you over the phone while you were at college.

"This isn't appropriate conversation for the dinner table," your father says sternly, and you're not sure if he's talking more-so to you or your mother, "End of discussion." As usual your mother folds in on herself, picking up her fork and starting to eat again.

"Your father's right," she says, though you know she doesn't really believe that, "Let's just eat."

You wonder what the man - Mr. Miller - could have said to make your mother react this way. It's not unusual for her to get stiff and bothered by people - it's pretty easy to push her buttons, actually, but the list of things that offend her is long and detailed. He could have said pretty much anything to set her off. The specifics are lost on you.

You resign yourself to defeat and eat your dinner, sincerely glad that the tingling sensations in your body have subsided. You do not need to be feeling like that with your parents in the room.

-

You dream about him.

It's muddled and confusing, taking place simultaneously back at college and in your childhood bedroom, but he's there. In both places, somehow. You're back at that first week of college party, but instead of the blonde boy it's him standing across the room, eyeing you up and down. But this time he doesn't go for your roommate, he walks over to you and looks deeply into your eyes, gives you that delicious smirk and brings his hands down to touch your waist. He's so big compared to you, so much older. He pulls you in with a strong grasp and holds you to his broad chest, runs his hands down your back.

Then you're both transported from the college party to your parent's house. You're on your bed, sitting next to him atop the covers and watching him play guitar. You watch his fingers, long and thick, hypnotizing you with their movements. He stops playing and brings one to your chin, tilts your head up to look into your eyes again.

"You're not a good Christian girl," he whispers in that southern drawl, breath ghosting across your face, inching closer and closer, "You're all mine, aren't you?"

You wake up with a start and immediately feel the dampness in your underwear, the butterflies back again with a vengeance as your pussy throbs and pulses. You've never felt anything like this before, grasping your chest and reaching for your bedside lamp in the darkness. You sit there in bed for a few moments, catching your breath and waiting for the feelings to vanish again, for your aching core to stop reminding you that it's never been touched, not once, even though you know it's absolutely begging for it.

With shaky hands you reach down and run a finger through your wet folds, shivering at the soft touch. You've never masturbated before, never had sex or anything else you've learned about from your friends at college. They'd looked at you with disbelief when you'd told them you'd never even had an orgasm; one of them had gone so far as to ask if she could give you one.

"No," you'd said curtly, "No thank you."

Now you sit on your childhood bed with your legs open and a finger pressed lightly against you within your underwear. You're not even sure what to do, where exactly to touch, how to bring yourself to completion. You're twenty one years old but you've spent your entire life being the good, pure, God fearing girl waiting for marriage like her parents taught her.

"Enough," you whisper into the darkness, "I'm done waiting."

You yank your finger out of your panties and lay back on the bed, switching off the lamp and closing your eyes again. You've already decided before you drift off that you'll be paying Mr. Miller another visit tomorrow, as soon as possible.

He told you he wanted to teach you how to use your fingers; you intend to make sure he does.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations: No.28

*just based on my observations, only take what resonates

(Sorry it’s been a minute, I got my time back then I got sick- like same day! I’m good now, thank god, but it was absolutely insane and everything has been going on in the world, my God)

-If your moon opposes your ascendant you may be known for making the wrong impressions on people (especially first impressions) at some point in your life

-Not the first time I said this but I feel like Libra Asc tend to need to balance out aspects of their life more bc of their houses having the opposite signs over them.

-On the other hand I feel like Aries asc have a very straightforward, sometimes less complicated world view bc of their houses lining up with their traditional rulers.

-Mars in determemt and fall (Libra, cancer, 12th house) really gives you a finite amount of stamina

-I feel like cancer venus/moons tend to wax the most poetically and romantically about the nostalgia they feel. Even stronger for Venus.

-Men with cancer placements be like: I didn’t know I was manipulating you into being nice to me until it was already happening (lmao oof)

-I noticed Aries and Scorpio Sun men/masc folks can get romanticized a lot, I think this is bc their identity is ruled by mars traditionally, so they tend to be assigned more masculine traits/act their traits out in a more “traditionally” (or even just comfortably) masculine way

-Aqua Sun/asc/venus usually have some features that makes their face really stand out I noticed (unique brow/nose/head shape etc) (idk why I haven’t seen this with moons as much)

-Signs in your 8th house may come off as mysterious or hard to understand

-You may find it really easy to vibe with people that have Sun conjunct your Asc

-I’ve noticed that a lot of Virgo mars may eat like really spicy or punishing foods (especially if the mars is in a fire house)

-Saturn aspecting your big 3 can help you age really well- depending on how well you take care of yourself (extreme example: dick van dyke, he’s almost 100 and he’s still jumping around with so much energy)

-Pisces placements can be like incredibly intelligent and yet still come off as a bit spacey (one of my favorite YouTubers used to head extra credits and he is SO SMART, like just a seriously huge capacity for knowledge but he sounds spacey when he does his chill gameplays and pieces things together unscripted lol)

-Jupiter square/opposition Sun can make you come off as overly pessimistic, it can also make you come off as optimistic at the wrong times (laughing at serious moments, etc)

-Taurus placements are so motivated by food, it’s so real (the amount of times I’ve had a Taurus sun/moon/mars not hear a word I was saying bc they were scoping out a restaurant? Countless lol)

-I notice a lot of rappers & musicians (especially the innovative ones) have major Pisces placements

-Aries moons get emotional fulfillment by winning what they chase after (Aries in big 6 tends to make you go after things in general too imo)

-I noticed sometimes Leo moon can make you a bit self centered, like in the most literal sense, you may have trouble understanding perspectives outside of your own

-Virgos and Geminis and 3rd/6th house placements have great memory but they tend to forget certain aspects. They tend to forget or mix up details. (My ex took like 3 years to remember my middle name beyond the first initial lol god; also, I always remember zodiac signs but not birthdays lol)

-I love how Joe Pera has a cancer Mercury and his comedy is like the coziest comedy I’ve ever heard, he even got his following bc his helping people fall asleep and just talking through his chill podcast (did not expect him to have like the most fire in his chart tho?? Wouldn’t have guessed lol)- Pisces Mercury and Mercury with hard aspects to Neptune probably have a cozy affect on others when they communicate with them too

[sunflower-lilac42]

𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝘂𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 | 𝘮𝘣13 ❀

➪ summary: mat surprises his girl with tickets to a baseball game but he's not expecting to be jealous and use his 'puppy eyes'

➪ warnings: mat is a little jealous/possessive boy, the slightest bit suggestive (not really), reader loves to tease mat

➪ word count: 2.0k

➪ file type: new fic

➪ sunny's notes: this is for my lovely anons who absolutely helped carry this fic. my mat, i love him sm

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Sitting in the stands of Wrigley she felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. She hadn’t been in the stadium for a couple of years, living in New York for her new job. The stadium had a different atmosphere compared to many of the sports venues she had been to in her lifetime. The cheers felt amplified, she could make conversation with anyone around her, it was just electric. It felt amazing to be back there.

And Mat sat beside her, silently watching her as she talked about a guy, an athlete, who wasn’t him. If he had known about her fangirling he wouldn’t have bought tickets to this game, no matter how happy it made her. Well, because he wanted to be the only athlete for her. He was the only athlete for her. He sat there with a pout as she went on another rant about Nico Hoerner and Ian Happ.

She shook his arm, “Mat.”

He snapped out of his trance, eyes now focusing on the girl beside him, “Hmm?”

“You wanna go get some nachos?”

He nodded and went to stand up but she placed a hand in front of him, “No no no. Not during the inning, Maty. You gotta go between innings, can’t miss any of the action.”

Mat rolled his eyes slightly but agreed nonetheless, it did make sense to some degree. So he settled back into his seat, throwing his arm on the back of hers. She smiled at him and leaned her head against him, watching as Kyle Hendricks threw a changeup into the strike zone. The game was tied at this point and there was a runner on second. 

When both Corey Dickerson and Luis Garcia flew out to opposite ends of the outfield, she patted his chest, “I’ll go get them.”

“I’ll come with you!”

“Babe, I’m not going to be gone long. Make sure no one steals our seats.” She gave him a small kiss before walking up the stairs to the concessions. When she came back, Miles was on first and there were two outs. She sighed as she handed the nachos to Mat and sat down next to him, crossing her left leg over her right. 

“If Tauch doesn’t do anything, I might cry actually.” He chuckled and kissed her temple before taking one of the nachos.

He laughed even harder when she started singing ‘Walk it like I talk it’ softly and she looked up at him, “What? I’m just trying to  hype him up.”

While Tauchman didn’t walk, he did hit a double which caused Miles to score, so now the Cubs lead 2-1. The stadium erupted into cheers, most people clapping in happiness. The game went by, and no one scored as the innings went by. She dragged Mat to stand up to sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game with her, “For its root, root root for the Cubbies. If they don’t win it's a shame. For its one! Two! Three strikes you’re out at the old ball game.”

“Oh come on, you have to admit it’s a little fun, Mat.”

“Fine, fine, it is a little fun.”

He soon regretted that decision when the bottom of the eighth rolled around and the game was tied with Seiya, Christopher, and Miles on base. With a sac fly from Yan, everyone cheered as the Cubs now led the game. And then Tucker struck out, followed by Tauchmans walk, leaving bases loaded and a very anxious y/n as Nico stepped up to the plate.

“Mat you might have to contain me. I might lose my shit if he-” She watched as the ball ricocheted off the bat into left-center field and the stands.

She stood amongst the rest of the crowd, high-fiving everyone around her, almost in tears. She was practically shaking as she looked at a man who was a little older than her and sat on her other side, “I can’t believe I just witnessed Nico Hoerner’s first career grand slam.”

She was radiating with excitement as the ninth inning came along and Palencia got three outs, one after another. “Go Cubs Go” blared through the stadium speakers and Mat stood only out of courtesy, not because he wanted to. 

“So stomp your feet and clap your hands, Chicago Cubs got the greatest fans. Go, Cubs, Go! Go, Cubs, Go! Hey Chicago what do you say? The Cubs are gonna win today!”

Mat and y/n held hands on their way out of the stadium and he was about to breathe a sigh of relief when all of a sudden her hand was ripped from his and she was pulled off to stand with a security guard. He looked at the scene in confusion but walked over just in time to hear the end of the conversation, “...want to go to the clubhouse?”

“Yes of course!” Mat looked at her with wide eyes, how the hell did she get invited down to the clubhouse?

In truth, y/n had been coming here since she was little, having grown up in Chicago. This meant the stadium was practically a second home to her. But that wasn’t the reason she was invited down to the clubhouse. If Mat had stumbled over to the older lady and his girlfriend talking a little bit earlier, he would’ve heard a mention of Ian Happ.

Y/n never thought it was important to tell Mat about Ian, there wasn’t anything really to tell. They have been best friends since her freshman year of college. She was helping out with the baseball team at the University of Cincinnati when she and Ian got to talking and the rest was history. When she moved to New York, the two didn’t find the time to talk unless he was playing the Mets or the Yankees, and even then, it was hard to meet up. 

Mat followed the two women down the stairs and through the stadium, watching as his girlfriend talked excitedly with the other woman. Once they reached the clubhouse, y/n stood off to the side as the lady knocked on the door, making sure it was okay to enter. Luckily, whoever had happened to open the door opened it wider so the three of them could walk inside. 

The man was slightly baffled when small cheers erupted from the team as they stepped inside the clubhouse. Lots of them gave y/n side hugs or waved but then he came over. Ian scooped his girlfriend up into a huge hug to which she reciprocated, “Ian!”

“Ugh, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Ian put her down and the two smiled at each other before she ushered Mat over, “Mat! C’mere.” 

At this point, he was starting to look like a puppy who was following his owner around helplessly. His eyes had turned into a pleading gaze and his lips formed into a pout as he made his way over to her, “Ian this is my boyfriend Mat, and Mat this is my best friend from college, Ian. We’ve known each other, what? Like almost ten years now. Wow.”

Mat only eyed the Cubs player, the two were roughly the same height so he didn’t have to look up or down, just sideways. He was about to extend his hand to shake when another unfamiliar voice made its way into the conversation, “Hey hey hey!”

He would’ve been fine with just meeting Ian, after all, they were just best friends, practically brother and sister. But Nico? He was worried about him. All he had to listen to during the game was ‘Nico this’ and ‘Nico that’ and now he had to meet him? He swore under his breath as y/n hugged him. 

“Oh! Nico this is my boyfriend Mat and Mat this is-”

“Nico, I figured.”

Y/n eyed her boyfriend oddly, looking at the look in his eyes and the pout that was forming once more. It made her grin once she realized the look, he was jealous. And she was definitely going to embarrass him for it later. If Mat was able to talk to girls all the time out at the bars, even though she knew most of the time he didn’t want to, why wasn’t she able to talk to her friends?

“So Mat actually plays hockey for the Islanders. I told you two that, right?”

Ian nodded, “Oh yeah, we came to one of your guys’ games this past season. You guys were good. Sorry about the playoffs though. We know how that feels.”

Nico agreed, “Yeah. We’ve never been the most fortunate playoff team in history.”

Mat waved them off a little, giving them a slight shake of his head and wrapping his arm around y/n’s waist pulling her closer to him. The girl laughed before looking up at the two baseball players, “How are Julia and Julie?”

“Julie’s good! Said she wants to see you again. We haven’t seen you since the wedding.”

“Wedding?”

She looked up at Mat, “Yeah remember the wedding I went to in the winter last year? That was Ian and Julie’s wedding. It was beautiful.”

He nodded and then looked at Ian before looking at Nico who had started talking, “Julia’s good too. She also mentioned hanging out soon with you guys. Maybe we could make it a triple date?”

“Oh, that sounds fun! I know you guys aren’t coming to New York this season but depending on All-Star break goes for you two we could meet up then. Or sometime before preseason starts. What do you think Maty?”

At the mention of his name, Mat looked down at her, “Hmm? Oh yeah, sure. Have to see what the schedule looks like but yeah. I’m sure we could work something out.”

The four conversed a little bit before Mat and y/n said their farewells and headed off. The walk to the car was silent, both of them looking at the buildings around them. Their hands were linked together as they walked, slightly swinging back and forth to the rhythm of their steps. Mat opened the car door for her and she slid in, gaping somewhat at the heat inside of it. 

He turned the car on and she sighed at the cool air that hit her. As Mat started driving, his hand slid over to rest on her thigh and she smirked, “I know you were jealous.”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous?

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe because I was surrounded by a bunch of cute, sweaty, athletic-”

“Okay okay enough. You got me.” His grip tightened on her thigh, eyeing her out of the corner of his eye. 

She giggled, “Baby, you know I only got eyes for you.”

“I know, but-” He pouted again, coming to a stop at a red light. 

“But…” She looked at him expectantly.

“I don’t know, I just-”

“Got a little possessive?”

“Maybe.”

She held his hand, removing it from her leg, and brought it up to kiss it, “I love you, and only you. Plus, I always thought hockey players were a bit more attractive.”

“A bit?”

“I mean the puppy eyes and the little pout. Plus, they do tend to get in fights more often, and you know how much I love my fights.”

He smiled, leaning over to kiss her, “I do.”

Just as they were about to kiss the car behind them honked and startled the two of them. He groaned and turned his attention back to the road, pressing on the gas. She sighed and moved her hand to his thigh, gently squeezing it, “Don’t worry. I’ll show you how much I love you when we get back to the hotel.”

⬂ 𝗠𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗧𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ⬂

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[creedslove]

WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART THREE

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: you and Joel try to handle what happens after you both slept together and a revelation brings the truth about the nature of your relationship with Joel

• This is the third part of the small series: Who Knew? 💍💔 (PART ONE | PART TWO) which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), smut, oral sex (f! receiving/m!receiving) piv, dirty talking, discussions of relationships

A/N: alright besties, I really don't know where this chapter came from, I had sworn I wouldn't write continuations of this story, but here I am, with a serious case of Joel Miller brain rot and all I could think of was him! I love this story with all my heart and I don't know if this chapter is consistent or not, as it was written through several days and I poured my feelings into it, but days change and so do feelings so hehehe, also, I may or may not have been a little too horny for Joel xD, anyway, I hope you beautiful besties like the story ❤️

12.3k words

Waking up by Joel's side was something you could've sworn it would never happen, it would only become a distant memory as the years advanced after the divorce; you thought maybe you would think about it every so often, when nostalgia got the best of you, if you felt lonely at times or maybe even the moments you would spend next to your ideal future husband, a man worthy of you and your love, someone who would actually treat you exactly how you deserved it, who wouldn't run away with the first willing whore he could find and build a life with her, the life that used to be yours, and was supposed to. No, that ideal husband would never steal from you, not your happiness, your beauty or your youth, as much as you closed your eyes and tried picturing this ideal, ethereal man, you were haunted by your ex-husband. It was his smile that came to your mind when you thought of this bittersweet fantasy; his hands that gripped your body, it was him. You realized your deepest wish was to have Joel as that husband; in an alternative universe where he wasn't a jerk, instead, he would be the perfect, sweet and hard-working husband, just like he used to in the beginning, and you both would love and support each other, building up a life, a family and a home together. That was how things were supposed to go, but everyone knew the end of that story.

What nobody except you and Joel knew, was the plot-twisted epilogue of your story with Joel. Very often, you thought of your relationship as a closed book, a shitty, depressing romance novel that had its indignant ending written and done, with no space to fix things up… until your return to Austin and things simply started to happen. You refused to believe it was a new chapter or a new beginning, quite the opposite, as much as your rational said had begged and screamed not to do it, not to get close to Joel and you simply went there and did it, now it begged you to put an end to it, your mind told you the night you'd spent together was just scratching that maddening itch and nothing more. It would be easy to pretend nothing had happened: Tommy had left shortly after the cops arrived at your place and headed to his girlfriend's, according to Joel. Sarah was absolutely clueless and had no idea what was going on, especially after both you and her dad had put an end to her efforts of setting you both up. All you had to do was to convince Joel of the same: it was a mistake, it shouldn't happen again.

But then, at the same time, why was it so good to wake up next to him? In fact, next to him was an understatement, as you were all over him. Safely tucked into his arms during the night, you had switched positions several times like you often did when you slept, but Joel always kept you at arms length, refusing to let go of you no matter what. It shouldn't feel this good, but it did, and even when morning came and it was time to get up, you pretended you didn't really have to. It was your secret, no one would know nor judge you if you stayed a little longer in his bed, what was the worst that could happen, after all? So the moment you felt Joel stirring right behind you, your eyes closed shut and you relaxed your body as best as you could so he would think you were asleep. It was quite stupid, you were aware, but suddenly you felt shy to be awake in his presence?! It was odd, but you didn't know how to act exactly… were you supposed to kiss? Act as a continuation of the night before or straight up pretend nothing happened? Should you begin ‘the talk' with Joel?! You didn't even know what you were going to say, so instead, pretending to be dead, well actually, asleep, was definitely a better plan. Joel hadn't changed in all those years, you recognized and anticipated every single move he would make; it started by his soft groans the moment he fully woke up, the hesitation he probably felt the moment he eyed you there and quickly the memories of the night before filled him entirely. His morning erection was hard pressed against your ass and that was another difficult part of the equation taking place in your mind at that moment; all it would take you was wiggling your ass a little and you both could start your day in a very fun way. It was tempting, and while you baffled yourself whether to do it or not, you felt Joel again. The way he gently placed his hand on your arm, caressing it up and down, almost in a ghostly touch, a bit afraid of scaring you away; to Joel, you were like a beautiful, delicate butterfly flying into his life, making things prettier for him, but also so easily scared off. He couldn't afford to have you fly away from him once more, not that time. His hand went to your naked stomach, stroking it softly, he enjoyed the butter-like feel of your skin under his hand. After all the cuts, bruises and dirt from hard work, it was a nice change to be able to touch you. He'd had his fair share of touching beautiful women, but none of them would ever compare to you. You were naked under his touch, entirely for himself, a dream that came true at that moment and yet it seemed way too good to be real. Hands that stroked your body leaving a trail of goosebumps over your sensitive skin, as he nuzzled your shoulder, taking some strands of hair away from your neck, he let his stubble beard scratch it softly, lips connecting to your skin, in gentle and silent pecks, ones that made you bite your lips not to moan too loud, even if the goosebumps insisted on appearing, hardening your nipples and sending a wave of lust down your core. Joel had his good ear to the mattress, not hearing if you were letting out small, sexy sounds but he could see the visible signs of his caress on you. He wanted more of it, he woke up with hunger, more like starvation and it was for you, your body, your touch, your presence. He wanted you, and he would have you, not only that morning, but forever, by his side.

“I know you're awake” Joel mumbled against your skin, you could feel his teeth nibbling you, making you squeal softly and moan at his touch, you turned around facing him and raised your eyebrow, heart melting at how adorable Joel's messy bed hair was, even if it was a little grayer now, it still made him look so handsome, you couldn't hold yourself back but caress his curls gently.

“How did you know I was awake?” You questioned him and felt his teeth scraping your collarbone instead of actually answering your question. It didn't take very long for Joel to straddle you, pinning you against the mattress as he took in all of you. You were beautiful, gorgeous, you were his. At least that was what he wanted to tell himself, but it didn't matter the future, not then, because at that very moment you belonged to him and only him. You lay under Joel, your breathing accelerating as you didn't know exactly what to do or what to expect, crashing your lips together, you tugged at his hair - you loved Joel's hair so much - and felt his rough hands running even more freely through your body. One knee on each side of you, preventing you from moving as he stared down at you, your body being the most beautiful piece of art he'd ever laid eyes on. Joel Miller was a man sinking deep further into his passions and he couldn't even hide it or pretend it otherwise. His mouth went for your neck, then down your collarbone, your breasts, so beautiful and tempting as they'd always been, time he'd been so kind to you, and now he appreciated it. He kissed your breasts gently at first, getting to your nipples, they were always so hard and sensitive and it was all for him. Lips wrapping around them, his tongue flicking then gently as you tugged even harder and pulled his curls gently. The way Joel made you feel was always something else, it was so stupid to try to fight that, at least while you were pinned down by his strong, sexy body. When he finally let go of your breasts, he kept moving his tortuous path south down you. His lips were dancing over your stomach, he loved that part of you and had lost track of how many times he'd daydreamed about your figure looking round while you carried his baby Miller inside. He enjoyed picturing it, another life coming out of you, a baby that would be half you and half him, that would bring Sarah the title of ‘big sister’ and seal the happy ending of your story in which you would become Mrs.Miller once more, for real and above all for the rest of your lives. Deep down he knew that wouldn't go further than a simple fantasy, something to lose himself in before falling asleep before bed every night, and yet, it always brought him such joy, comfort and affection within his body, and at that moment, when he was kissing your womb, his hands holding you legs spread as he took his time in kissing and nibbling your lower stomach, he closed his eyes and made that irrational wish, practically, that wouldn't do, not in real life, not with your history weighing heavily on the two of you, nor with your life styles that were so different from each other's. He worked too much, Sarah was already growing into a teenager, you were inexperienced at that matter at the same time he was getting older and was certain that having to watch a baby and later on a toddler would absolutely kill his back. But if it was so impractical, it should be so sweet at the same time. It would be a lot easier for him to keep those stupid thoughts out of his mind. When Joel got closer to your core, you wanted to tell him to stop, to remind him that you didn't use protection at all and you'd been missing up the pills, warn him there was maybe some probability of you both making that situation even more of a mess than it already was, but the words died out in your mouth, the moment Joel's eyes matched yours, the pool of brown warmth making your heart skip a beat at the same time he parted your legs, giving your inner thighs each a love bite, and your breathing accelerating once more in the anticipation of what was about to happen.

“Relax, baby girl” he purred against your skin, he was so close to your core you could feel his breath fanning your sensitive area, his hands gripping the outside of your legs in a way it was clear he was claiming his power over you. You were about to be devoured by a hungry man and at that, your heart raced like no other, just as Joel reached you.

His lips ghosted over your slit, loving how shaky and sensitive you were at that moment, head shoved between your legs he took his hands into action, using them to spread your lips wide and groaned in approval of how sexy that view was. Ever since you married Joel, being intimate with your husband was something normal and natural, expected even, and whereas you weren't a prude by any means, the way Joel touched you or how filthy that mouth could be always made you go red from head to toes, especially when he simply stopped at stared at your body like that.

“Fuck baby, you still got the same pretty pussy I remember, it's the best one I've ever seen, you taste so fucking good, this sweet clit of yours had always made my mouth water” he teased as you could barely hear his voice through the adrenaline making all that blood pumped so loud into your ear. He spread your pussy lips open, his cock was already twitching to see your cunt twitching for him. The way your clit twitched in anticipation and your hole clenched at the air, how your wetness simply pooled in your entrance and it was all for Joel, because of Joel and he wasn't going to waste another minute before having you. You closed your eyes the moment he kissed your clit, kissing it as he would with your lips, all you could do was whimper and once more grip your hands into his hair pulling his head against your pussy, wanting more and more. At your touch, Joel stopped playing around, he simply sank his face into you, devouring you, licking, suckling and flicking your sensitive clit, lapping at your juices so hungrily, like a madman having his favorite meal. Joel's hands were large and his fingers were thick, so the moment he inserted two digits inside, you were already filled with him, the way he ate your pussy and fingered you, the knot forming down your lower belly, you barely had time to warn him, but it wasn't necessary, Joel knew your body well enough to know you were cumming, getting so nice and ready for him he continued, until you exploded into an intense and long orgasm, in which he tried to make it last for you as much as he could.

After your bliss, it didn't take very long for him to slip inside, now that you were all wet and stretched for him, you wrapped your legs around his waist and closed your eyes in pleasure. Your nails scratching down his broad back, his skin warm and sweaty on top of you. You wanted more of him, at that moment that was you favorite place in the world, primal, obscene, his grunts into your ear as he fucked you like he would any whore. At that moment you couldn't hold back your desires, your lustful thoughts took the best of you. If Joel asked you to be his personal cum dumpster, you would say yes. And at that realization, he came inside, once more, just like he did the night before and you loved it.

Suddenly the exhaustion took over you, your body and your thoughts and it seemed like an impossible task to keep your eyes open.

“Sleep, baby girl, relax” Joel whispered against your ear once more, pulling you closer, the two of you appreciating the lovely bliss you shared after your orgasms. It felt right, even if it shouldn't.

•••

When Joel woke up that morning for the second time with you tangled in his arms, he smiled at himself, wondering how lucky a motherfucker like himself could actually be. The past hours replayed in his mind, over and over, and he still didn't believe they were true, simply because they were too good to be true in the first place, still the reminders of how true it all had been were there: the pink fading lines you left all over his skin were still apparent, your clothes scattered around the bedroom floor, the way your hair invaded his pillow and now you smell lingered all over his bedsheets. It was real, and he couldn't be happier. Watching as you exhaustively slept, he dragged himself out of bed, not really wanting to leave but knowing he needed to start his day somehow. So he just planted a soft kiss on your forehead and headed to shower before going downstairs, as he needed to get breakfast ready for his girl.

You on the other hand, slept without even noticing you, being so exhausted after another steamy session with Joel; when you woke up nearly an hour later, you felt his side of the bed empty and for a split second you sighed disappointed at the impression it'd been just a dream, which only lasted until you could feel that bittersweet soreness between your legs, the mess Joel's room was in and how sticky you were with sweat and some of your juices mixed up together. You bit your lips and giggled, you thought you'd wake up full of regret, feeling guilty and upset about what happened, but turns out you felt great, perhaps, all you needed to decrease that upsetting feeling of melancholy you often grew inside was a good fuck provided by the best man you'd ever tried.

You yawned big and stretched, getting up and feeling that familiar sting between your legs, a reminder of Joel's virility and size. As you weren't sure what to do or where Joel could be, or even worse: if Sarah was home at all, you decided to be as silent as possible, your wish was just getting dressed and going downstairs, but the moment you saw your reflection in the mirror you knew you had to shower. It didn't take too long to find Joel's bathroom, you got yourself under the shower stream, groaning at how your muscles relaxed under it, the way the knots on your hair seemed to undo themselves. You chuckled while soaping your body in Joel's soap, shampooing your hair with his shampoo, smelling entirely like him, as if he'd marked you like an animal would. Perhaps you shouldn't enjoy this obscene thought as much as you did, but at that point that ship had sailed and you couldn't care less about it. Stepping outside the shower, you dried yourself and went through Joel's drawers just enough to find something comfortable to wear - one of his boxers and an old shirt.

“Joel?!” You called him at the top of the stairs, hoping you two were still alone there, as you really didn't want to risk being seen in those - lack of - clothes by Tommy or god forbid, Sarah.

“In here” Joel replied, his voice coming from the kitchen and as soon as you got downstairs you were hit by the delicious smell of coffee, and just as your stomach growled in hunger you realized you couldn't even remember your last meal.

You followed the delicious smell and smiled when you saw him flipping a bunch of pancakes, frowning softly at the image, it was so odd to see Joel being so domestic, cooking breakfast when in reality, you were the one who usually got to do all the cooking and chores, not to mention the choice of menu for the breakfast.

“You don't like pancakes!” you said surprised as you approached the stove to confirm if you weren't seeing things, being surprised by the way Joel wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer, greeting you with a peck on the lips, which you didn't expect but you couldn't complain either.

“I don't, but you do, and you deserve it, baby girl” he stroked your sides as he kept flipping pancakes with his free hand like a damn pro. You could only imagine how many times he had to step in and make his daughter pancakes until he got that skilled at that. You looked at him and as if he'd read your mind, he pecked your forehead this time

“Sarah is at her friend's which means she's only coming in the afternoon, you can hang out, maybe we can grab lunch together and then I'll drive you home, fix your door and all..” he said and stared lovingly at you “if you wanna go, otherwise you can stay here” he winked and made you chuckle.

“Joel, about us, about what happened-”

“Don't do that now, darling, let's not upset ourselves, let's have breakfast together and we can talk about it later”

You could tell Joel was postponing the subject, it was simply inevitable to talk about your future together or lack of it, due to your history, what happened between the two of you should be addressed, and even if you had been as willing as he was, it was a fact you weren't so easy to convince that perhaps being together was a good idea. However, he was also right: you could discuss things later, because at that moment you just wanted to have breakfast with Joel; damage had already been done, so what if you two continued to act the way you were? If anything, if you two parted ways, you would simply still have a nice time to cherish, to balance the ups and downs of your relationship together.

You two walked to the table, Joel placed the pancakes down and got comfortable on the chair, taken by surprise as you simply sat on his lap, instead of taking the seat next to him. You looked at him with a grin and stole a peck from his lips

“What?! You said we should have breakfast first” you giggled and started eating, at the same time his arm wrapped around your frame and he pulled you even closer. You couldn't really complain about that breakfast, it was the best you've ever had in so long, and it had nothing to do with pancakes.

•••

During daylight it was possible to see the damage the thieves left in your home; not only did they steal valuable things, but they also left a trail of mess and dirt through the floors, making you feel so angry at the shit hole they'd left your house. As soon as you got off Joel's truck, you could see cleaning, fixing and buying things again would take a long time, and even if you had the best contractor around town next to you, you still had to do chores. He placed his hands on his waist, furrowing his brows while he scanned the room, thinking of what he should do. You quickly changed into more comfortable clothes, grabbing a mop and a bucket and began cleaning up everything you had to, you reminded Joel he could make himself at home and grab drinks or snacks, since it was the least you could do after he'd been so kind to help you - and fuck you raw morning and night.

Once you'd finished your chores and showered quickly to get rid of the sweat, you went downstairs, looking for Joel. He had fixed a few things here and there, things you hadn't even noticed, but the moment you walked down the stairs, he was fixing your door.

And you were not prepared for that sight, at all.

Not with how Joel's shirt was clinging tight to his body, damp with sweat, the way his jeans looked so good around his thighs and his butt, or how he flexed his biceps unconsciously while he forced the warped wood forwards, the soft grunt he let out and how his huge hand wiped the forehead off his forehead was enough to set your core on fire. You stood there, at the bottom of the stairs, gripping the handrail and wondering when you'd become that thirsty for a man. Even when you had relationships after your divorce, you couldn't remember being that easily turned on, but at that moment, a mere display of Joel's roughness was enough to pool your wetness on your panties. He was just so mainly, so strong, something primal and intense about that man's body, he was different from any man you'd met, and the years only added to it, you were so tired of fighting your urges and feelings. Yes, Joel had been the worst husband a woman could've asked for, but just because you wanted to crazily ride on his cock, it didn't mean you would have to marry him again, definitely not. Joel wasn't a good husband, but he was a damn fine lover.

“I didn't see you there” you jumped at Joel's voice, distracted by it as he snapped you out of your lustful thoughts, nodding at him and smiling nervously. He cleared his throat “I'm guessing you want to talk, don't you?” There was a slight hint of disappointment in his voice and you thought for a while

“Yeah, we need to talk, just… take a seat, I'll get you some water” you pointed at your couch and disappeared into the kitchen, finding Joel standing still when you returned with a fresh bottle of water for him. He hadn't moved, something inside of him telling him not to, some kind of superstition, that maybe if he sat down he would go back to the poor reality of his life, a life without you, your touch, your caress. As long as he stood up, he could always find something to do around your home and then spend a little longer by your side. He took the bottle with a nod in gratitude and took a big sip of it, at the same time it seemed you were watching an erotic movie just by the way your body reacted to the image of his neck, the way his veins pumped as he swallowed his water, showing his thirst, and to think just a few hours before he was eating your pussy with the same ferocity, made you press your thighs together. You needed that man, and you were going to have him, no matter what. To hell with needing to have a serious chat, to move on with your life and not forgetting the past, you needed him carnally. Joel finished his water and finally walked to your couch, taking a seat and spreading his legs, just like he often did to find a comfortable position. You hated when men did that, taking up space and being rude, but not Joel, the way he did it was hot, it reminded you of how big he was, his long legs, big, strong thighs, so perfect to ride, and his frowny face, you could tell he was worried, probably thinking you would just thank him for the help, tell him what happened between the two of you couldn't happen again and ask him to leave. Hiding the heartbreak under his mean face, little did he know that conversation would have to be postponed, because your mouth was about to be too busy to talk.

“You want to talk, right?” He asked, nervously running his hands through his jeans, watching as you took another step closer and nodded.

“Yeah, but we can't talk right now… I'd rather use my mouth for something else” you winked at him, falling onto his knees and began caressing his thighs over his rough jean, smirking at his surprised face, hands fiddling his pants as you opened his fly and bit your lips

“I need your cock now, Joel, I need you in my mouth”

He was taken aback by your sudden change of behavior, he'd sat down expecting to be told to leave, but now he had you on your knees begging for his cock and that was something he couldn't deny. His left hand gripped your hair, tilting your head up a little, while his right hand stroked your cheek gently, his thumb ghosted over your lips, tracing an invisible path on it as he nodded. Suddenly, roles were reversed: he wasn't waiting for you to stop and decide what he should do, instead, he was in charge and he was about to make you choke on his cock.

“So pretty, baby girl…” Joel's voice wasn't much more than a whisper “you want my cock, don't you? Just like a filthy little slut, you wanna choke on it? Want my cum down your pretty throat?”

All you could was nod at his filthy words, Joel's mouth could drive any woman inside without any physical touch, just his dirty choice of words was enough to cause a turmoil of feelings and increase the pool in your panties. He lifted his hips and pulled his pants down, freeing his cock, already hard and held it by the base, while you licked your lips. You could see his tip glistening and closing your eyes as Joel rubbed his tip against your lips, before you opened it and took his cock into your mouth. Joel threw his head back and groaned in pleasure, he could feel his balls quivering while both hands flew to your hair, gripping it as you bobbed your head up and down his shaft, your hand squeezing and stroking his cock up and down where you couldn't reach his length. You'd always loved Joel's groans, the way he sounded so voracious, you clenched your thighs together, trying to give your throbbing clit some sort of relief. He guided you through his blowjob, he hadn't gotten a good one like that in years; of course he'd had his affairs, nightstands and such, but no mouth in the world compared to yours at all. He praised you, reminded you were his favorite cock slut and he wouldn't have any other than you.

You could feel by the way he clenched in your mouth his release was close, he was about to unload and you wanted to swallow all of him. So you continued, even when Joel tried to lift your head gently and warn you, you didn't need any warnings, you simply continued blowing him until he was cumming into your mouth. He reached his orgasm with another grunt, at the same time you worked your magic and swallowed every single drop of him. The way his cock pulsed inside of your mouth, how his breathing got rapid, his chest raising up and down at a fast pace, it was the sexiest thing you'd ever seen. Joel Miller was a strong, manly man, and you loved it.

He finally rested his eyes on you, his hell and heaven on earth, and he just needed more of you, convinced that whatever he had of you just wasn't enough. He helped you up, then pulled you to his lap, making you squeak in surprise as you landed right on top of him. You rested your forehead against his, while he pressed your body closer, never wanting to let go. He pulled you for a kiss, your lips tasting like him, sent Joel another wave of lust and need; he kissed your neck, his hands fiddling with your clothes, getting rid of them as he wanted you bare for him, your body on his, naked; he wanted to take you inside your house, not just some dirty, rushed secret locked in his room, but instead, claim you in any room of your home, if you ever wanted to break with him and decide he shouldn't be part of your life any longer, then at least he would leave his mark knowing each time you walked into any room, you would think of him, reminded of the time Joel fucked you and emptied himself inside of your tight juicy cunt.

“Come on, darling, ride my cock” his rough voice commanded you at the exact time Joel's hand pulled your shorts and your panties down. He went for your ass, massaging it, squeezing your cheeks and slapping it a couple of times, seeing it wiggle softly

“You're so fucking hot, you know that, sugar? Only you can make my cock throb the way you do” he praised you. His fingers traveled to your cunt, caressing it for the second time that day, making you spread your legs as wide as you could over him. He stroked your clit, feeling your arousal pooled in your entrance, it was intoxicating to him, he needed you every single day for the rest of his life. He gripped your hips, helping you lift yourself up and as held his cock in place and sank down onto it.

“Just like that, gorgeous, take that cock baby girl” he praised you.

You spent the rest of your afternoon riding Joel on your couch, not giving a single shit if any of the neighbors could see it through the curtains or the mere fact Joel had given you the worst heartbreak of your life; you needed him as much as he needed you, and it seemed neither of you could let go.

•••

The following days went by exactly the same way they usually did: you either worked from home or you went to the office a few times a week, you went grocery shopping, led a quiet, normal life, received Sarah's visits almost daily with the exception you were also seeing her dad without her having any idea. In fact, no one apart from you and Joel knew what was going on, and neither of you had any intention of changing that. Being completely honest, you should have broken things up with Joel the morning after, but each time you decided to do so, you simply couldn't get it done, the mere thought of standing in front of Joel and asking him to stay away from you was devastating, even if you turned to your memories of the day you found out Joel was in love with Angela and didn't want to be with you any longer couldn't help you. Of course they were as painful as if they were fresh, but at the same time it also felt like it happened between two completely different people rather than you and Joel. It was so difficult to process that Joel and your current Joel were the same, because deep down your heart claimed they weren't; the Joel you were constantly hooking up with was a hardworking, a great father, he was caring, sweet, he was passionate and he treated you as if you were the best thing he'd ever seen in the whole world. He'd become a closed man to relationships due to the guilt he felt for treating you the way he did and the abandonment he suffered from Angela. As much as that sounded twisted, the fact you were both abandoned by people you loved, also brought you closer, especially because he got to know exactly how you felt, which increased his guilt. It was terrible, but he was aware he was probably going to carry that for the rest of his life; even if he watched you smile and laugh, or if you wrapped your arms around him, underneath the joy and excitement he felt within, there would always be a tad of guilt just like a bitter taste in his mouth, reminding him of his coward attitude and how much better than him you truly were. As you had told Joel while you still hadn't crossed the line of how far your relationship should go, the problem wasn't the fact he fell in love with Angela, that could've happened to anyone, even if the sting of rejection hurt, being tricked and lied to was way worse than that. Even if it was hard to recover from the pain - if you had even recovered at all, after all, more than a decade went by without you being able to have a commitment to anyone, unable to stay in a relationship for more than other a few months, - you could only imagine Joel's experience was even worse; not only his relationship with Angela ended, but she also cut her ties with her own baby daughter. The disappointment he felt to realize his daughter would have to grow up without her mom, the paralyzing fear of being on his own to raise a baby, must've been intense. And even if some people could actually laugh at how funny life can be and swear there was still some kind of divine justice lurking around and he was simply paying for everything he'd done to you, you couldn't find the amusement in that situation, it was so sad, you could only feel pity. It seemed to you the years had turned Joel into a silent companion of pain, and not so much into the villain you'd projected onto him.

And all that was only the rational side of the story, because if you left it all to your feelings and desires, you wouldn't be able to leave his bed. Perhaps you were both feeling an overloaded amount of everything you had repressed for each other over the years; being able to externalize it was addictive, at first it was thought to be an inch you both needed to scratch, but soon enough it became obvious it was way more than that, which caused you to fall into his arms whenever you tried to make things easier for the two of you and simply let this condemned relationship go.

As you closed your laptop and watched Sarah's brows furrowing at the paper in front of her, in a mixture of focused and cranky for not being able to solve another math problem easily, she reminded you of Joel and how he would get the same way and have the same expression whenever he got frustrated with something not going according planned. You gently placed your hand on top of hers and offered her a reassuring smile, Sarah had had her nails done by you earlier, proud to see how pretty the sparkly color got on contracts with her skin. She was such a beautiful girl and you enjoyed being able to help her discover that, by introducing simple things like that, which meant the world to her, since she didn't have a mom around, it was nice doing stuff like that with someone experienced who could give her advice on school, friends and boys. She really appreciated it and if it were for Sarah, she would find a way to set you up with her dad and become one small family.

“you should have a break, you've been stuck in this question for a long time, try again later” you advised her and even if she sighed in a gruff way, - again, so Joel Miller coded - she nodded, closing her notebook and checking up her nails discreetly, which brought a warmth into your heart.

“So…” you started, hoping you would sound convincing enough and not raise any kind of suspicions from her, after all, that girl was smart “...you told me your dad is coming to pick you up, right? When he does, invite him inside so you guys can have dinner with me” you suggested, even if you and Joel had already agreed on it. You hadn't been able to see each other in a few days let alone touch each other, which was actually what you both really wanted, so all the options you got were texting like a bunch of horny teenagers. Now, sending nudes to a guy was something you would strongly disagree several months ago, but now? Each time your phone buzzed, you rushed to it, in hopes to get yet another picture of Joel's big hand holding his cock by its base, so you could lock yourself in any room and pull down your bra and panties, exactly the way he liked it. So spending some time around Joel even if you both had to play it cool was better than nothing. Sarah agreed but still felt a little puzzled at your suggestion.

“Alright… but why? You're regretting saying no when I tried to set you up?” She chuckled and you rolled your eyes, hoping you weren't so obvious. You moved to the kitchen and invited her to come along, so she could help you with dinner. You opened the fridge and had your back to Sarah, while you picked the meat and the vegetables.

“No, it's just that your dad was so nice to me, he fixed my front door after the break in, it would be a nice way to repay” you said “why do you even say that?”

“I think dad has a girlfriend or something…” she shrugged and you stopped, looking at her and trying to control the shock over your face.

“Y-yeah? And how do you know it?”

“Well, dad's different now, he seems happier, more cheerful, he's very often texting on his phone…”

“And what do you think of that?”

“It's nice, I guess” Sarah licked her lips “dad deserves to be happy, he's been lonely for a long time, ever since my mom left…” she said “but uncle Tommy says dad was sad before that, apparently there was another girl before mom, it didn't work between them or dad made her go away, I don't know why, but uncle Tommy told me once that even when he was with my mom, he couldn't forget about her an-”

“What happened then?” Only after you said it you realized you interrupted Sarah and sounded a little crazy, she didn't understand why you were so into that story after all, but seeing how eager you were to hear the ending of it, she continued.

“Well, according to uncle Tommy dad never forgot that girl, but she was way out of his league by the time my mom had left, so my dad sort of gave up dating” she shrugged “then my dad got home and interrupted uncle Tommy when he was about to tell me the full story, and he never spoke about it since” she replied with a simple shrug and pointed at the meat you were about to roast

“Hey, that's my dad's favorite!” She said amused at the coincidence of menus which you knew damn well that wasn't a coincidence, but your treat to Joel. As you kept cooking with Sarah's help, you also thought about the story she'd told you, too many things happening at once: finding out Joel had never forgotten you while his daughter was sure he had a mysterious girlfriend, which of course, was also you.

During dinner, you tried your best to forget about all of that, the way Joel and Sarah fit so well in that scene, the three of you at the table, eating and sharing how your days had been seemed like a beautiful painting of a perfect little family. A portrait of what things could've been like, or should have been like, and you enjoyed it, you couldn't deny it at all. Your gaze met Joel's and you shared a smile, silently agreeing you were spending a family time; you wondered if some day that would actually happen and if you would indeed be a family with Joel, sometimes you thought you would like it, and sometimes you would brush it off as some momentary lapse. But when he reached for your hand under the table and held it, caressing your knuckles with his thumb, your heart raced one more time and you couldn't help but allow yourself to picture a life by his and Sarah's side.

When you were all finished, Joel gladly dismissed his daughter from having to help with the dishes and the moment you two noticed she was fairly entertained with the new books you'd bought, he stole a kiss from you. It was quick but sweet and as much as it left you all giggly and blushing, it wasn't enough. Your need for Joel was overpowering, it was addictive, and you needed to touch him. Nothing would happen between the two of you while Sarah stood just a few feet away, Joel would never risk being caught that way, he respected his daughter too much, but he would kill to have his hands all over your body. He thought of asking you on a escapade with him, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea, not with Sarah being a little suspicious of how friendly you were acting towards each other. He wondered if he could actually call you his girlfriend, if he could admit he was dating you, because that's what it felt like, but then, if you both came clean about the situation, it would get complicated, not only for him because of Sarah, but he was well aware you would be in a tricky situation with your family, since he knew for a fact your parents hated him, - with plenty reasons to do so - eventually, you would two would have to have the talk. Now, Joel didn't fear not being with you any longer, he knew that wouldn't happen, you were as attached to him as he was to you, but eventually, you would have to define that situation. He knew he could be cold and distant, but it was so damn hard for him to hide his passion, the way he leaned against the doorframe and watched as you carefully put the dishes away, looking every bit of sexy as you could be, not that young and naive little wife he kept at home before he screwed things up, but instead, the powerful, beautiful woman you grew to be.

Sarah was incredibly smart, but she was also naive at some level, which caused her to be oblivious to the fact you called Joel into the backyard at some point, asking him to check something up you wanted it fixed, only to pull him closer and kiss him deeply, gripping his body, wanting him to engulf you like he always did, your nails gently scratching down his back while his lips ravished yours.

“I want to spend the night with you so bad, baby girl” he whispered against your lips “you're so good to me, you treat Sarah like a princess, you cooked us my favorite meal, all I want is to show my gratitude by getting lost between these beautiful thighs” he teased and for a split second you felt like telling him to stay the night, to come clean and tell Sarah you were dating, dating as if you two were pretty much a decade younger and so eager to be in each other's arms, but it couldn't happen that way, not like that, and not at that moment. You nibbled his bottom lip a couple of times before letting go, your body tingled for him, aching for his touch and as he told you he would call Sarah to go home, you felt unannounced tears flooding your eyes for no reason. Why did things have to be so complicated, why Joel couldn't have been this good from the beginning? You could've lived more than a decade of happiness together, if it weren't for that.

As they said their goodbyes, you watched Joel's truck disappear from your eyesight, a pang in your chest insisting on saying it was your family leaving while you played too hard to get.

•••

You had never seen Sarah smile that wide as she did while you two walked around the mall; side by side, a bunch of bags in hands as you spent such a simple, and yet incredible quality time together. For her, it was like hanging out with the mom she never had, and you felt as if you were shopping around for the daughter you could never conceive. It didn't matter where you were going, which stores you were checking and not even exactly what you were buying, just the fact you were doing that together felt incredibly special. It all began when Sarah complained about not having what to wear to the Harry Styles concert in the upcoming week; after months of begging her dad and uncle Tommy, she was given a ticket to the presentation she'd been dreaming of watching, under the condition she wasn't going to drag her dad along. Joel was an amazing dad, and he would do almost about anything for her, but standing in line for hours and then having to watch that guy performing while an entire stadium of hysterical teenage girls would be screaming at the top of their lungs which would probably cause Joel to go deaf in his good ear was a hard pass, that he wouldn't do. In fact, he would. The moment she gave him her puppy eyes and asked him to take her, he would do it, even if he tried tricking himself, however, luck seemed to be standing by his side, as Tommy happened to start dating this chick who was also obsessed with that Harry guy and when she got herself and Tommy a ticket, Sarah was all set. And so was Joel, because without anyone knowing, he managed to get a free night with you. And in the blink of an eye, you and Joel seemed way more excited for the Harry Styles concert than Sarah.

So when she complained she didn't actually have anything nice to wear, you thought of doing that for her, it would be fun, a change of just staying inside reading books, you could spend some girl time together and while you were out with her, you could really watch Sarah, the way she behaved, how she talked and acted, it reminded you so much of Joel, you wondered if she'd taken anything from Angela at all, deep inside, you wish she didn't, even if it was a petty thing to do. The idea of Sarah being similar only to her dad was nothing but comforting and sweet to you, it was the easiest way to see the evolution he went through, unfortunately, he had to learn how to be a better person through the pain, but he had succeeded and that was what it really mattered. You didn't really care if you'd spent a lot on Sarah, you had the money after all, and she deserved it. She was happy, talking excitedly about several things, to the point she barely noticed when Joel walked towards the two of you. He had his jacket on, hair a little messy from the wind as he grinned shyly at the sight of you, his heart skipping a beat as it felt to him he was meeting his daughter and wife at the mall.

Sarah frowned, amused to see her dad, walking towards him, she hugged him, which surprised Joel a little, not expecting that gesture at that very moment.

“What are you doing here, dad?” She asked curiously as Joel greeted you by giving you a peck on the cheek, trying so hard not to seem he was practically drooling over you.

“Tommy needed to buy his girlfriend whatever and asked me for a ride, so while he disappeared into the crowd I was trying to find him” he explained and stared at you “you girls are having fun, I see?” He raised his eyebrow and Sarah eagerly nodded, lifting her bags a little and showing him everything you'd bought her. He was so thankful for everything you were doing for his daughter, especially because he was sure you did it out of kindness and the fact you care about her. You watched their interaction and bit your lips in anticipation, you felt a sudden urge to kiss Joel in front of everyone and walk around the mall holding hands with him, you had never discussed that before, but the thought of it made your heart race. Sarah exchanged a few words with her dad before her eyes went wide as she spotted one of her best friends a couple of stores ahead and smiled big

“Dad, can I go show Nat the things I got? Please?! I'll be right back!” She asked with her sweet eyes and Joel agreed, telling her you two would be around as he intended to keep you company. As you walked towards another store with Joel following you, Sarah soon got entertained with her friend in an ice cream booth nearby. You both chuckled at the scene and he quickly placed his hand on the small of your back.

“Is Tommy really shopping around for his girlfriend or were you just stalking us?” You teased Joel, entering the lingerie store, earning a gasp from him before he could actually answer your question.

“Don't even think about it, Miller, I'm here just to buy some sports bra to go to the gym and nothing more” you added but the mischievous look in his eyes was extremely well-known.

“That's a shame, because this one would look so good on you” he pointed at a lilac lacey pair of underwear, his mouth watering at how beautiful you would certainly get in it, and how stripping you out of all that lace would feel like unwrapping a Christmas gift. You frowned at him, reminding him you were just there to buy a couple of things and leave, in fact, you shouldn't have even let Joel get inside the store with you, it wouldn't be appropriate and how would he explain to Sarah what the hell he was doing there in the first place. Joel, on the other hand, was pretty much entertained by all the beautiful colors and shapes the tiny pieces of fabric came with; he could picture every inch of your body in them, trying to guess which ones would look better. He knew all of them would be just perfect, but he was a guy who was simply drawn to the traditional good old red lacey; it was gorgeous, and it would be a nice gift for the two of you. As he looked around to find you and show you what he'd decided to treat you to, you were nowhere to be seen; the sales clerk already busy with the new customers walking into the store, he decided to wander after you. He was thankful no one seemed to mind nor notice him there, too worried to be seen as a creep, but determined to find you nonetheless; as he got to the fitting room area, he quickly called your name.

“What now, Joel?!” You immediately replied from the one in the corner, slightly annoyed at the fact he'd followed you there, sometimes Joel was a little like a stray puppy, coming after you with those big sad brown eyes, and even if you wanted to shop for freaking sports bras on your own, you couldn't help but enjoy the fact he was just so needy of you.

When Joel opened the door and got inside, you even tried to argue and ask him what the heck he was doing there, but instead, he smirked, gripping your sides and kissing you as a way to keep you silent. You wanted to push him away and tell him to fuck off, but the rushing adrenaline you felt through your veins made you feel alive, and as always, Joel's touch set you on fire. He broke the kiss dragging his lips over to your neck and then your collarbone, his hands climbing up your sides and going to your breasts, squeezing them softly

“This sports bra ain't bad, but I'd say a work of art like your body should have more lace, or glitter or whatever shit you like” he said in a grunt and lowered your top, even against your protests that weren't much more than just some whimpers that couldn't convince you, let alone Joel. You could feel his beard scratching down your chest and going straight to your breasts, lips wrapping around your nipples as he suckled on it gently at first, flicking it with his tongue before moving to your other breast and working the same magic. Your heart raced to the point you could feel your blood rushing through your ears, the fact you both could be caught at any moment and kicked out of the store, or even worse: be arrested for public indecency, added a hint of fear to the traditional lust you had for Joel; that man would be the dead of you, that much you were sure of.

“We can't Joel…” you mumbled against his curls, his head on your chest as his fingers found their way down your belly, getting so close to your sweet spot, he was so needy of you, wanting all of you to the point it felt he would go crazy. His digits toyed with the hem of your panties, while you pulled his curls a little, making him groan.

“Sorry honey” you whispered and kissed this temple, which made him smile. Joel was about to finger you in a fitting room in the middle of a store and you were so sweet to him, it made his heart ache a little, at the realization he definitely didn't deserve you. He kissed you once more and nibbled your lower lips the moment his fingers reached your core, spreading your lips apart and finding your needy clit, already so hard and wet, just for him to enjoy. He wasn't going to tease you, you both didn't have time for it, so instead, he played with your wetness, before shoving his fingers inside of you, stretching you up the way you both knew and enjoyed it, he thumbed with your clit before focusing all his ministrations into your tight cunt, feeling your muscles squeezing and clenching around him. He'd kill to have his cock inside of you instead of his fingers, but that would have to wait. He felt your teeth on his shoulder, while your pussy gushed at the same time you came for him. He felt your body going limp, sustaining your weight with his free hand

“Taste yourself, princess” he whispered against your ear and held his fingers up, waiting for you to wrap your devilish lips around them and lick them clean. Joel felt the urge to take you right there and then, but he was a patient man and knew things would have to wait. He kissed your lips goodbye and exited the fitting room after making sure no one was around to see him.

The sales clerk was a little confused when she saw Joel walking towards the register with a blood red pair of lacey lingerie, she couldn't remember seeing him walk into the store and let alone hang around, but the work policy forced her to smile at him and be helpful, especially when he got his wallet out and extended his credit card.

“I'd like you to gift wrap this and give it to the beautiful lady who's trying sports bra in the fitting room, tell her it's my treat” he winked at the woman, aware he could use his charms in his own favor. She agreed to his request and he left the store just like any other ordinary customer, at the same time you received the package as a present the moment you tried paying for your stuff.

•••

After waiting what it seemed like forever, the Harry Styles concert was about to happen, which caused Joel to have a break from his brother, his girlfriend Maria and Sarah, who insisted they all spend hours waiting in line. His heart was full of joy and pride to see how happy his precious daughter was, the way she could barely sleep at night and that guy was the only thing she ever talked about. It was amusing to him, even if he ran out of patience from time to time, it was amazing to see his little girl looking like a beautiful young woman in her new outfit bursting with happiness. Joel couldn't also complain about the fact he managed to enjoy a full day by himself and get ready to receive you through the night. He'd gone grocery shopping, buying all the kinds of treats he knew you loved - or used to, as people could often change their personal taste over the years, but instead of seeing that with sadness, he felt glad to be able to learn something new about the woman he was madly in love with. He was going to go for some beer, but Joel thought again and decided to pick some wine, he just thought you were more of a wine kind of woman, more elegant than just cheap beer.

What you both hadn't counted on, was how hot the weather was, even if the sun had set down, it was still uncomfortable to remain inside, which made Joel suggest you both should move your date night to the swimming pool. At first you thought he was joking, but the stern look on his face told you he was being completely serious, and you thought it was a nice change. The way Joel took the bottle of wine, the glasses and simply began undressing without a word made you puzzled, until he turned around and told you to take off your clothes as well.

One skinny-dipping adventure and a quicky in his pool later, you both took sips of your wine, as you pressed yourself against him; Joel's arms were tight around your body as you rested your head on his chest, kissing it gently, and listening to his heartbeats, it was scary how out of the sudden, his arms became your favorite place in the world. You were far too deep into this story, and there was no way out without getting hurt, but that wasn't the time to think of that, you didn't want to have those kinds of thoughts, you wanted to spend your time with Joel and get lost into him, just as he was into you.

“Sarah told me you have a girlfriend” you blurted out, making Joel raise his eyebrow at you and looking down at you

“What?!”

“Well, she said you seemed happier lately, always texting someone, sneaking out here and there…” you chuckled “I wonder who that bitch is” Joel laughed at your comment, his hand sliding down your back and resting on your ass, squeezing it and then pecking your lips.

“She ain't no bitch, I can assure you that much” he said gently and nuzzled your neck “she's gorgeous, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, well, after Sarah, of course, but still, and she was so kind to forgive me after everything I've done” his lips were back on your cheek and then on your lips “and I love her very much”

For a moment your whole world stopped. Joel loved you. He admitted it out loud, it wasn't just a matter of simple assumptions, but rather a concrete, explicit feeling. You opened your mouth looking at him hesitantly, what exactly should you say? What could you tell Joel? Did you love him back? If so, were you ready to admit it and face the consequences of getting back together with the man who caused the biggest emotional trauma of your life. Joel took his hands off your body and looked at you with a hint of disappointment, even if he didn't want to admit it, he was disappointed, he thought you shared the same feeling as he did, so he sighed and nodded.

“It's fine, you don't have to say it back…” he cleared his throat and swam to the ladder of the pool “it's getting a little chilly, I think we should get inside”

•••

A few days later, your conversation with Joel simply wouldn't leave your mind; you were in love with him, it was impossible for anyone not to notice, him included, and yet, you didn't understand why it was so hard for you to simply admit it. Perhaps, if you did it, then it would become real, and your relationship with him would stop being a fun, little secret shared by the two of you, but rather a concrete relationship between two adults, where you'd eventually have to come clean and open up to family, friends, you would celebrate birthdays and holidays, anniversaries and face several, typical questions coming from all sides, wondering if you would both remarry or have kids. It was overwhelming, but not as bad as how you were feeling at that moment. You felt guilty and embarrassed, and the paranoid side of you was convinced Joel had been avoiding you for the past week, whereas Sarah was at your place nearly everyday, still talking about Harry Styles and showing you countless pictures of the concert, he wouldn't text much nor insist to see you, even when you suggested him to sneak out late at night and go to yours, he politely declined by saying Tommy and him got a new big client and work was rushed and soul crushing. Of course he could be telling you the truth, he did sound exhausted on the phone and Sarah had mentioned Joel and Tommy had been arriving late most days, both of them covered in sweat and in such a bad mood due to the unbelievable amount of work they were having. Yet, what should make you feel calm and at ease, didn't help one bit, it was uncomfortable and depressing not having Joel around, you missed him, his touch, his body but mostly his presence. He'd been a constant in your life for the past months, and it was only taking a week for you to feel abandoned. It wasn't fair to you, and yet, it wasn't fair to him either, not when he declared his love for you and you couldn't even say it back. You placed your living room, not sure whether you should drive to his home or not, in fact, you knew you shouldn't, but you wanted to, because that particular day, not even Sarah showed up, and it made you sad. You were so attached to the little family destiny set apart for you, simply a day or two away from them was enough to cause a large wound in your heart. You looked around, looking for an excuse to show up at the Miller's household; until your eyes widened and you grinned to see Sarah's history book lying around your coffee table. It was the perfect excuse to go and see them! Perhaps you could even end up having dinner with them, and then make up an excuse about a flat tire or whatever, have Joel giving you a ride home and end up being railed by him in the back of his truck. The longing for Joel was increasing and all you wanted was to make things right by explaining him you did have feelings for him and you needed some time, but you were willing to make sacrifices in order to be with him, because you wanted to and it was important for you that he saw how appreciated he was by you.

On your way to Joel's, you stopped at a bakery you knew Sarah loved, thinking of all the delicious treats you could take so you'd keep your family spoiled, at least a little. You smiled at yourself the moment you chose a couple of cupcakes, cookies and the chicken pie Joel loved, thinking of how you were already addressing them as your family. The truth is that they were indeed your family, the connection you three had was strong, the bond you created with Sarah without even knowing for a fact who she was and later on all that passion for Joel surfacing after spending a decade buried deep inside of you. It was a waste of time fighting that, and you wanted to get to them as soon as possible, you'd been alone far too long, it was about time to yourself have one good thing, to break free and admit how happy you were next to the Millers. You loved them just as they loved you, and it made no sense to fight that feeling and pretend it didn't exist.

The ride wasn't long, there was hardly any traffic in the suburbs, most families were already inside, having dinner together as the sun had set and the street lights were all lit up, as you parked your car, you saw Joel's truck in the driveway and felt your chest tightening in anxiety and fear; if he was already home why didn't he call or text you? Maybe he was indeed avoiding you?! Joel wouldn't make the same mistake twice and push you away, would he? You shook your head, you had faith in him, faith you both had matured and were able to handle things by talking and being honest with each other; you licked your lips and sighed, knowing that whatever was going on could be solved by the two of you as two functional adults, besides, there were a bunch of explanations to why he hadn't talked to you that day yet, you shouldn't jump to conclusions and let your paranoia win once more. You got out of the car with the bag full of treats and walked to the front door, you knocked a couple of times and waited for an answer but nobody came. It was odd, as you could hear Joel's and Sarah's voices coming from inside, and even if you couldn't tell what they were saying your heart raced, your gut feeling telling you something was up and you couldn't wait any longer, silently opening the door and getting inside. You placed the bag of food down the coffee table as you could clearly hear what they were saying. It seemed Joel and Sarah were arguing, which was extremely odd, since you had never seen them have any kind of disagreement, they just had a real nice and healthy father and daughter relationship in which they both listened to each other and acted with respect. As you approached, you heard Sarah's cries and you were taken by worry, perhaps someone had died? You couldn't wait any longer, you rushed and got into the kitchen, confused at first at what had happened between them, Joel looked so overwhelmed, his face was red and he desperately tried to make a point while telling Sarah a bunch of information she could barely cope with, as she cried in disappointment and shook her head, not believing anything her dad was saying. Her heart was shattered with disappointment and sadness, she couldn't believe her dad, her hero, the man she loved and admired the most in her life had done such a thing.

On the kitchen table, a photograph taken on your wedding day was lying around. A younger version of yourself hugged a much younger Joel as you both stood in front of the courthouse, smiling widely at the camera. There was no way to deny it nor hide it. Sarah had found out about your previous connection god knows how and Joel seemed desperate as he wanted to explain himself to his daughter, he couldn't bear having her so disappointed in him like that, it shattered his heart into a million pieces.

“Sarah…” you whispered and tried touching her cheek, wanting to caress it gently and assure her everything was fine now, that what had happened was in the past and that her dad was still the best father a girl could ever wish for. But Sarah moved her face away from your touch, her eyes were glistening with tears as she seemed so heartbroken

“You both lied to me! Why did you lie?” She asked and you looked at Joel wanting to have some kind of support in order to reply to her question.

“Sarah, we are both sorry, but your dad and I have made up after what happened, I know it's a lot to take now but don't be upset please” you asked her, Joel nodded and wrapped his arm around your waist in order to show her things were fine between the two of you. He promised to talk to her and explain everything to her in detail, but she was just so upset, feeling betrayed by the person she admired and loved the most in the whole world. You knew there was nothing you both could do at that moment, not with Sarah being so nervous and upset, instead, you asked Joel to call Tommy and suggested that he took her out for ice cream or something, maybe have a little chat with his niece while you and Joel could sit down and figure the best way to tell her everything. It didn't take more than twenty minutes for his younger brother to arrive, Sarah had drunk some water and washed her face, leaving with Tommy as you sat next to Joel. You took his hand and caressed it, while he refused to look you in the eye, the guilt and shame once more eating him alive, and now it had become even worse, as his precious little Sarah had found out the truth about him in the worst way possible. All she needed was an old picture for her school project and going through Joel's old memory box should be enough, and then she came across the pictures of his wedding day. Not to her mom, but to you instead, and then it all made sense: why you were never willing to be around her dad, or how you decided to keep yourself away from any kind of relationship. Because the asshole you told her you'd married once, was simply her father. The good old Joel Miller, the man who had to raise his baby daughter on his own after she left him, and then, Sarah had found out her dad had been really bad to someone so dearly to her. You, you could've been married to her dad, you could've been her mom, she could've had a family all along.

You looked at Joel and wiped a single tear that rolled down his cheek, even if he tried to hide it.

“What are we doing now, Joel?”

“I don't know…”

____

A/N: what a ride, right besties? Remember, feedback is life ❤️

[saythenametotheworld]

Closer, Faster [1]

Genre: catching feelings; strangers to lovers; smut Pairing: SEVENTEEN Vernon x Reader Warnings: mature themes, explicit sexual content, what's the opposite of slow burn? LONG FIC! Notes: 22k words, song prompt was Closer, Faster by Against the Current. 22k and it's just the first part? Crazy, ik. I feel the need to explain that the reason I write long fics is because I'm a massive yapper irl Synopsis: For good reason, you have forbidden yourself to get emotionally attached to temporary people until Vernon comes walking in and wrecks you to your very core.

As you walked down the halls of your university, you could hear the campus buzzing with excitement and vibrant energy. Around you, students were rushing to submit final assignments or hurrying from one place to another, taking care of last-minute tasks on the final day of the semester. Some had disheveled hair and tired eyes, while others looked fresh and ready for the summer season.

Walking back to your dorm, you passed groups of friends snapping photos, capturing memories of the past few months. The campus felt like it was collectively exhaling, finally free from the usual chaos of activities. Your belongings were packed up, and your room was now stripped of the personal touches that made it home.

Your roommate, Adie, sat on the edge of her bed across from yours. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah, my chariot awaits,” you said with a smile, tossing the last of your belongings into your purse. You exhaled, looking around the room and already missing it. “I guess that’s everything, huh?”

“Yep. You’ve scoured every corner of this room for your stuff. I’m sure you didn’t miss anything.”

You extended your hand to her. “It’s been a blast, roomie.”

Adie rolled her eyes and chuckled as she shook your hand. “You talk like we’ll never see each other again. We both know we’ll end up being roommates again next year, right?”

You shrugged and laughed. She wasn’t lying. You had been roommates with her for two years now. After freshman year, you both agreed to always share a dorm room every semester, and that’s exactly what you had been doing. You might be saying goodbye now, but you would see each other again in the fall semester and be roommates then too.

“So long, roomie.”

Adie waved as you exited the room. “So long, roomie.”

“Stay in touch!” you reminded her.

The flight home was quick, just an hour and a half. Sometimes you wondered why home felt so far away when it was barely a two-hour flight from your school. Everything about your city felt familiar yet new. As your taxi drove you closer to home, the familiar scent of the ocean filled the air, and the salty breeze swept through the open windows. The sight of the coastline, with its rolling waves and sandy shores, brought a rush of nostalgia. After many months away, the beach house where you grew up felt like a warm embrace waiting for you.

When the taxi pulled over by the sidewalk, you stepped out and took in the view, removing your sunglasses. The house looked just as you remembered—a picket-fenced house with whitewashed walls, grey roofs, black shutters, and the sound of seagulls calling in the distance.

You walked through the open gate, hauling your luggage as you scanned the garden for any changes in the flowerbeds or landscaping. The honk of a car horn made you glance back at the road just in time to see a Jeep pull over in front of your house.

You smiled, recognizing the tall brunette stepping out of the driver’s seat. With a wave, you beckoned her over and opened your arms to welcome your best friend with a hug.

“Hello, stranger,” Jade greeted, pulling you into a tight embrace. “You’re so late!”

You rolled your eyes. “Unlike you, my education is more demanding and requires every bit of my attention.”

“Sucks to be you, then,” she snickered. “Come on. Your mom and I scheduled a brunch together.”

You scoffed but didn’t need to ask for more details. With her help, you moved your luggage into the house, where your mother greeted you warmly. Over brunch, you talked about school, the journey home, and everything in between. After that, you and Jade climbed up to your room to lounge and chat all morning. In the afternoon, you donned your swimsuits and set umbrellas by the beach, equipped with a book to pass the time and cocktails for an extra bit of fun.

Azure Bay is a picturesque coastal town renowned for its breathtaking beach, attracting locals and tourists alike. The beach itself stretches for miles, with soft, golden sands meeting the crystal-clear waters of the ocean.

During the day, the beach is alive with activity. Families set up colorful umbrellas and picnic blankets, children build intricate sandcastles, and surfers ride the gentle waves. In the evenings, the beach transforms into a serene, romantic getaway. The sky paints a stunning palette of oranges, pinks, and purples as the sun sets over the horizon. Bonfires are a common activity where friends and families gather to toast marshmallows and share stories under the sky. Beachfront bars and cafes are filled with lively music and even livelier tourists.

You never particularly enjoyed the swarm of tourists that descended upon Azure Bay each summer. It wasn't that you disliked them in general; you understood why they were drawn to the town's pristine beaches, charming boardwalk, and the laid-back, coastal vibe that felt like paradise. What irked you were the tourists who tried to flirt with you.

It was always the same story. You'd be walking along the beach, or lounging in a beach bar when some guy would approach you with a confident smile and a cheesy pickup line. They were usually good-looking, and charming in a way that was hard to resist, but you knew better. You have seen too many summer romances that bloomed beautifully only to die out when the season ended.

You disliked the idea of developing a beautiful, intimate connection with someone only to watch them pack up and leave once the summer break was over. The thought of investing your emotions in a fleeting romance, knowing that it had an expiration date, felt pointless.

As much as you tried to avoid it, there were always those moments when a particularly persistent tourist would catch you off guard, like right now as you were sitting on the beach bed reading a book. A tall, tan guy with a surfboard strolled up to you.

"Ooh, looks like you're about to score a European hottie on your first day back," Jade teased, peeking at you over her sunglasses. "Good job, sug."

He introduced himself with a casual "Hey there," and you could see the gleam of interest in his eyes.

"Hi," you smiled back, tilting your head to the side.

"I'm just here to catch some waves," he said, flashing a perfect smile. "But I'd love to catch up with you later, maybe grab a drink?"

You heard Jade scoff and then whistled quietly like she didn't just ridicule the guy. He seemed clueless about it though.

You forced a polite smile, trying to keep your voice neutral. "Thanks, but I'm not really looking to meet anyone right now."

He seemed surprised but didn't push further, thankfully. "Well then, see you around."

He winked at you before jogging back where he came from. As soon as he was out of earshot, you and Jade started laughing.

"What the hell was that?" you chuckled.

Jade took her sunglasses off and smoldered at you. In a deep, manly voice she said, "I'm just here to catch some waves."

You smoldered too, trying your best to replicate the guy's expression and tone. "But I'd love to catch up with you later, grab a drink with me?"

"Oh god! It's always the same old cheesy ass lines!"

The following days were filled with simple, repetitive activities: lounging at home, sunbathing by the beach, reading in peace, and swimming with your mom and Jade. It was a week of mundane routines that you didn’t mind at all, though the same couldn’t be said for Jade.

If there is one thing you both hate and love about your best friend, it is her tendency to come up with crazy ideas when bored. They're fun most of the time, but they often include a side quest for her, which is to set you up with someone.

Four days into the summer break, you were sitting with your back against the headboard of your bed, a book in your hand, listening to Jade complain about being bored.

“There's nothing to do at all!” she groaned, kicking her legs in the air as she scrolled through her phone. “Not one rowdy pool party, or a mixer. Not even a birthday!”

She sat up and huffed. “Has summer always been this boring?”

“No.”

“Right? Not here in Azure Bay! This is like an all-time low.”

You chuckled, adjusting your glasses on the bridge of your nose and not peeling your eyes away from your book. “Relax. Summer break is just starting. I doubt everyone’s back from uni yet.”

“Right. That’s exactly why there’s nothing to do,” she huffed. “Your friends are so boring.”

“They’re your friends too, Jade,” you corrected her, referring to your high school friends from this town.

Jade fell quiet, so you continued reading. Until she suddenly scooted next to you, her eyes lighting up as if she had just had a brilliant idea.

“I have an idea,” she began, smiling brightly. “You’re gonna love this.”

You just shrugged, as if giving her your permission, or support, whichever she might need. She began tapping away on her phone again. When you heard your phone buzz on the bedside table, you put your book down and picked up the phone.

Jade: anyone up for summer break in azure bay?

“That’s your big idea?” you deadpanned, eyeing the chatheads of the people who have read her message in your group chat.

She hummed. “I know. I’m a genius.”

You snorted, scrolling through your phone. “More like impulsive. But go on.”

Jaehyun liked. Adie: Azure Bay? Like your hometown? Jade: yes yes Trina: me! Eunwoo: Me too! Jade: eunwoo, you’re not invited Eunwoo: ???

You scowled. “You can’t not invite Eunwoo. He's already set to come here with your Jaehyun next week, remember?”

“Ah, right, he is,” Jade replied, rolling her eyes.

Jade: jk. But if you hog y/n all to yourself, istg!!! Eunwoo: not my fault she likes me better than you lol

“That’s not true!” Jade hollered at her screen, making you chuckle. She then scowled at you, giving you a suspicious look. “It’s not, is it?”

You shook your head to appease her, though you never really once thought you had to pick a favorite between your two closest friends.

Jade: FALSE Jade: TOTALLY UNTRUE Jade: but dream on, ig Jade: what about the others? Adie? Adie: Here! Also,,,, I think y/n likes me best. Eunwoo: not true Jade: yeah, NOT TRUE! 8: Count me in! Jade: you're only in bcs trin's in 8: lol true

"He's not even denying it. This bitch," Jade sneered, but she was grinning.

Jade: Mingyu? Mingyu liked. Jade: Kim Mingyu?! Mingyu: yes Mingyu: it's not a party without me Jade: i'm sure we'll manage Jade: but okay. you're counted

And so everything was settled. Your friends are coming to spend the summer break with you in your hometown. You can already imagine how fun it’s going to be. Fingers crossed, you hoped this summer would be memorable—the best one yet.

“How’s it going?” you asked, stepping onto the patio with a tray of food while your mom was setting the table.

“Good, I hope,” she replied, staring at the dining table set up with furrowed brows. “Do you think that spot looks a little—I don’t know… empty?”

You inspected the spot she was pointing to and giggled. “That’s because that spot is for the enchiladas,” you chimed in, placing the tray you were carrying on the table.

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”

You gave her a reassuring squeeze on the arm. “Relax, Mom. I’m sure they’ll love it.”

She sighed, smiling apologetically. “I feel bad about not letting them stay.”

“It’s alright, Mom. We understand,” you reassured her. “And Jade’s got it covered. Their house will be empty for a month anyway, so she doesn’t mind housing our friends all summer.”

When you discussed accommodations with Jade, you considered offering to let a friend or two stay with you, but your mom didn’t agree. She was working on a big project, and you knew better than to burden her with strangers disrupting her concentration and clutter. This dinner party was her idea, her way of apologizing to your friends. She didn’t have to, but she insisted, saying she didn’t want them to think you were unwelcoming.

“Hello, hello,” Jade greeted when you opened the main door in response to the doorbell.

“Hi!” you greeted back, ushering them in and giving each of your friends a hug. They all looked excited, a few even brought gifts for your mom. Minghao and Trina had prepared an actual gift box, Adie was carrying a bottle of wine, and Eunwoo had a bouquet of flowers.

As you moved aside to let everyone in, you noticed Mingyu standing with someone you didn’t recognize.

“Hello, Gyu,” you said, giving him a quick hug. “Who’s this?”

“This is Vernon,” Mingyu introduced, clapping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “He’s my roommate's classmate. Had nothing going on for summer break, so I thought I’d bring him along.”

“Your roommate’s classmate. Mr. Congeniality is at it again, I see,” you sneered, teasing your friend. To Vernon, you smiled warmly. “Nice to meet you, Vernon. Welcome to Azure Bay!”

“Thanks,” Vernon replied, smiling back a little shyly. “Nice to meet you too.”

You were intrigued by Vernon but didn’t question his presence further. Instead, you guided everyone to the patio where the table was beautifully set. Your mom greeted each guest warmly, expressing her gratitude for their gifts.

“Wow, this looks amazing!” Trina exclaimed as she took her seat.

“Thanks, Trina. I hope you all brought your appetites,” your mom said with a grin.

As everyone settled in, the conversations started to flow naturally. The aroma of delicious food filled the air, as well as laughter and lively chatter.

“So, Vernon, Mingyu’s roommate’s classmate,” Jade began, leaning forward with a curious look. “How did you even end up being friends with that guy?”

Mingyu scowled at Jade, looking indignant but he couldn’t retort because there was food in his mouth.

Vernon chuckled. “His roommate Jungwoo and I are in a class together. I hung out in their dorm room a lot when we were working on a project. Mingyu’s great, honestly. Keeps the place lively. Plus, he’s always cooking up something interesting.”

Mingyu laughed. “Hey, someone’s got to make sure we don’t starve!”

“I’ve heard about your cooking skills, Mingyu. My daughter said you can rival my cooking,” your mother said, playfully raising an eyebrow. “You’ll have to make us something while you’re here.”

“Ma’am, your mind will be blown. Deal!” Mingyu agreed, grinning.

As the meal continued, you found yourself sneaking glances at Vernon, who seemed to be fitting in well with your group. He was quiet but contributed thoughtfully to the conversations.

As the evening wound down, Jade clapped her hands together excitedly. “Alright, guys, now that we’re all well-fed, who’s ready to hit the party?”

You looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “What party?”

“The one at the beach!” Jade exclaimed. “Apparently, a bunch of people from our high school are throwing a welcome-back bash. I thought it’d be the perfect way to kick off the summer.”

“I didn’t know about this,” you said, glancing at the others.

“Sounds like a good time,” Vernon added, looking curious.

You smiled, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. “Alright, let’s do it. It’ll be nice to see everyone again.”

“Great!” Jade said, practically bouncing with energy. “Let’s clean up here and head out.”

With everyone pitching in, the cleanup was quick and efficient. Soon, you were all ready to head to the beach, anticipation buzzing in the air. As you stepped out into the warm night, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that something about this party would catch you off-guard.

“It’s okay, y/n,” Jade beamed at you, slinging an arm over your shoulder. “No need to worry too much. It’s just Winwin.”

You gasped audibly, stopping in your tracks as you stared dumbfounded at Jade, your mouth still hanging open. “You sneaky little—”

“Jaehyun, baby! Wait for me!” she called out to her boyfriend before running to him.

The thought of going to a party and seeing an ex you hadn't seen in a long time was far from enjoyable. You stood there in shock, wondering if it was too late to turn back. Just then, Eunwoo wrapped his arm around your shoulder and gently nudged you forward.

“Are you okay?” he asked, striding with his long legs and dragging you with him.

“Fine. That was ages ago anyway so,” you replied nervously.

“What do you mean?” Eunwoo questioned curiously. You sighed and gave him an exasperated look. “Oh, shit. Winwin is gonna be there, isn’t he?”

“Who’s Winwin?” Mingyu questioned, appearing on your other side with Vernon.

“Keep your nosy ass out of my business, okay?” you chided, pointing your index finger at him.

Mingyu laughed, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. No need to get feisty.”

You caught Vernon glancing at you with curiosity in his eyes. Then Mingyu tapped his chest and said, “Azure parties are awesome.” 

Vernon smiled, nodding in acknowledgment. “Let’s hurry there then,” he suggested lightly.

As you all walked down the beach path, the sound of music and laughter grew louder. The beach was lit up with string lights and a bonfire, casting a warm glow over the gathering crowd. You could see familiar faces from high school, mingling and enjoying the summer night.

Trina and Minghao were already dancing near the bonfire, and you saw Jade and Jaehyun chatting with a group of old classmates. Adie was by the snack table, happily munching away, and Eunwoo was making his way to the drinks station.

Taking a deep breath, you decided to dive in and make the best of it. You spotted a quieter corner near the shoreline and made your way there. Vernon tagged along, but kept a respectful distance, allowing you space.

“Not a fan of big crowds?” he asked, glancing at the bustling party.

“Not really,” you admitted. “I prefer smaller gatherings. Less chaotic.”

“Hmmh, I see,” Vernon hummed, nodding.

“You?” you asked back just to be polite. “I doubt you disliked the crowd.”

“What makes you think so?” he questioned.

“You’re friends with Mingyu. I mean… Mingyu is you know… Mingyu. Life of the party. If you’re close to him, I figured you might be the same,” you explained as you both watched Mingyu take over the entire party.

Vernon looked puzzled but intrigued. “But he’s your friend too, right? And yet I don’t see any similarities between you.”

“Ah,” you blurted, chuckling. “Good point.”

Vernon chuckled, his laughter warm and genuine. He was about to say something more when a group of familiar faces approached. Recognizing some high school friends, you greeted them warmly.

“Elise!” you called, standing up to hug her. “Harper too. Wow, I thought you girls would never show up.”

As the night went on, you mingled with old friends, danced around the bonfire, and even managed to enjoy yourself. At one point, you found yourself standing by the drinks table when you spotted Winwin approaching. Your heart skipped a beat, but you decided to face it head-on.

“Hey, y/n,” Winwin greeted with a smile, holding a cup of punch. “Long time no see.”

“Hi, Win,” you replied, trying to keep your tone light. “How’ve you been?”

“Pretty good, actually. I just got back from uni yesterday. How about you?”

“Same here. I’m back for the summer too,” you said, feeling more relaxed as the conversation flowed naturally.

Winwin grinned. “Cool. It’s great to see you. We should catch up properly some time.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” you agreed, surprised at how friendly the interaction was.

As Winwin moved on to talk to someone else, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. You joined the bonfire again, where your friends were gathered, their faces illuminated by the warm, flickering glow of the flames.

Jade spotted you and waved you over. “Hey, come sit with us!” she called, patting the sand next to her.

You sat down, feeling the heat of the fire on your skin. The conversation flowed easily, with laughter and playful banter filling the air. Then you found yourself standing by the drinks table again, pouring yourself another cup of the spiked punch.

“Hello again!” Winwin approached you again, a friendly smile on his face. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, it’s been great,” you replied, smiling back. “How about you?”

“Me?” he quipped, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ve had six bottles of beer and maybe a liter of this punch.”

You laughed heartily, deeply humored. You and Winwin fell into an easy conversation, reminiscing about old times and catching up on what had happened since you last saw each other. His laughter was contagious, and soon you found yourself giggling until your cheeks were sore.

“Remember that time in high school when we snuck out to the beach at midnight?” Winwin asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Oh my god, yes!” you laughed. “And we got caught by the patrol officer. I thought we were going to get into so much trouble.”

“But we didn’t,” Winwin said, grinning. “We talked our way out of it. Good times.”

“Definitely,” you agreed, feeling a warm sense of nostalgia.

A burst of giggles made your heads turn in unison. From where you stood, you saw Vernon surrounded by girls, all of them smiling and giggling at something he said. Your eyes met his gaze, catching you off guard. Vernon just smiled and gave you an acknowledging nod.

“I see you made a lot of new friends,” Winwin prompted.

“Yeah, thank god. I had zero idea how to navigate life in a completely different school, and an entirely different city,” you replied, rolling your eyes in frustration. “Good thing Jade was there. These people basically found me first.”

“I knew you’d fare well. You’re an amiable person,” he complimented.

“Amiable?” you snorted. “That’s a nice word.”

Winwin shrugged and then clinked his glass with yours. “I learned plenty of big words in college.”

That comment made you laugh again while Winwin watched you fondly with a proud expression as if he was satisfied with his own humor that made you laugh. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he was just genuinely funny. You weren’t so sure, but you knew you were having a good time.

“Hi,” Vernon prompted, suddenly appearing beside you and making you shriek.

“Oh, god, Vernon,” you scolded, clutching your chest in shock and laughing at the same time.

“Having fun?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.

“Just reminiscing about high school and stuff,” Winwin explained with a chuckle.

“Oh, sounds interesting,” Vernon said, grabbing a cup of punch. “Anything I should know about?”

“Only that we were quite the troublemakers back in the day,” you said with a wink.

“Is that so?” Vernon said, raising an eyebrow. “I’ll have to keep an eye on you then.”

You laughed and nudged his arm with your elbow. “Don’t worry, I’ve mellowed out since then.”

“Good to know,” Vernon said, smiling. To Winwin, he said, “By the way, you were great at charades earlier.”

“Thanks,” Winwin replied, a little confused by the unexpected compliment. “I had a good time.”

“Hey, I scored the highest, but you’re complimenting him?” you complained to Vernon who just shrugged.

“He’s the one acting it out,” he retorted so you scoffed.

“Unbelievable!”

The conversation continued with Vernon and Winwin exchanging jokes and stories. It felt natural and comfortable, like catching up with old friends. As the night went on, you found yourself relaxing more, enjoying the company and the atmosphere.

Eventually, the party started winding down. You glanced around at your friends, feeling a sense of contentment. This summer was shaping up to be better than you had expected. As you walked back towards the bonfire, you felt a flicker of curiosity about Vernon. He was unexpectedly fun and you found yourself vibing with him easily. At the back of your mind, you hope he’s not trying to hit on you or something. After all, this was just another summer. A great summer with the potential to be your best yet, but still just another summer.

The next morning, you woke up at Jade’s house, tired and hungover but still rising early. You slipped quietly out of Adie’s assigned bedroom, careful not to disturb her sleep. Outside the room, you tiptoed down the hallway, making sure not to wake anyone else.

“Leaving already?” a voice called from the balcony, startling you so much that you dropped your shoes on the wooden floorboards.

The sound echoed through the house, and you froze, hand over your mouth, listening intently to see if anyone had been woken. Vernon blinked at you, clearly puzzled by your reaction.

“Are you okay?” he asked, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Yes, I’m fine!” you whispered urgently, pressing a finger to your lips to signal for silence. “Be quiet, will you? You're gonna wake everyone up."

He shrugged and stood up from the chair he was sitting on, approaching you. “Are you leaving already?”

“Yeah. I need to take a shower,” you replied, feeling grimy and imagining how you must smell after a night out. You eyed him curiously and saw he was wearing fresh clothes. “Why are you up so early?”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Just felt like it.”

“No hangover or anything?” you questioned, surprised by his chipper demeanor.

“Nah, I’m good,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Lucky you,” you muttered as you continued down the stairs, Vernon trailing behind. “As for me, I need to go home and pass out. Gosh.”

“Don’t you need a ride?”

“I’ll grab a cab. It’s not that far,” you replied.

“Do you have food there?”

“What?” you asked, thinking you’d misheard him.

“Food,” he repeated.

You blinked at him, puzzled. Vernon just stood there, looking clueless yet endearing in the morning light.

“Food?” you repeated, and he nodded. “Yes, we have food. Why?”

His face lit up. “Can I come with you?”

Now you’re even more confused. “Why?”

“Oh, I woke up early and I looked for food in the kitchen but there wasn’t anything ready to eat. Nothing easy to cook either.” He flattened his lips together before adding, “I’m hungry.”

You chuckled at his straightforwardness. “Come on then.”

With that, Vernon grinned and followed you out the door, the morning sun casting long shadows on the quiet street. Your house was quiet when you arrived, but the windows were open, and the curtains were drawn, a clear telling that your mom had already started her morning. Leading Vernon inside, you caught sight of your mom in her office, her attention momentarily diverted from her computer as she noticed your arrival.

“You’re back so early! Did you have breakfast yet?” she called out, her voice carrying through the house.

“Actually,” you began, glancing back at Vernon behind you. “No, I haven’t.”

“Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t know you’d be back early, so nothing’s prepared in the kitchen,” she replied from her desk.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll whip something up. Oh, and I've got a friend with me,” you added.

“Oh, you do? Silly me,” she chuckled, standing up and heading towards the door of her office. “Make something nice for your friend, okay? I have work that I need to finish by today.”

“Sure thing,” you affirmed, smiling as she closed the door. “Would you like me to bring you food in there?”

You heard her muffled response. “No, baby. I’ve already eaten!”

“Wow, okay. Not a baby anymore,” you muttered to yourself, feeling a slight flush of embarrassment. Turning back to Vernon, you said, “Do you mind waiting while I go freshen up?”

“I don’t mind,” he replied, settling onto the couch and pulling out his phone.

You took a quick shower and got dressed comfortably. As you headed to the kitchen, you mentally surveyed the ingredients available, already formulating a plan for breakfast. Vernon followed you when he saw you, his presence bringing a comfortable energy to the space.

“So, what’s your specialty?” Vernon asked, leaning against the kitchen counter with genuine curiosity.

“Hmm, I’d say my omelets are pretty decent,” you replied, pulling out eggs and vegetables from the refrigerator. “But today, I’m thinking scrambled eggs with toast. What do you think?”

“I eat anything and everything,” Vernon said with a grin, taking a seat at the kitchen island.

As you chopped vegetables and cracked eggs into a bowl, you engaged in light conversation, discussing topics ranging from favorite foods to travel destinations. It was easy, effortless, and surprisingly enjoyable.

Before you knew it, the eggs were sizzling in the pan, filling the kitchen with a mouthwatering aroma. The toast came out perfectly golden, and you served two plates of food, setting one in front of Vernon and the other across from him.

“Thanks so much,” he said, smiling as he picked up his fork.

“Do you know what’s the plan for today?” you asked, taking a bite of your breakfast.

Vernon shrugged. “Swimming.”

Your eyes flicked to the patio where the outdoor pool glistened. “At Jade’s house?”

He shook his head. “I think she mentioned the beach. Some of the guys want to try surfing.”

“Oh, so they’re heading here today,” you said, glancing out toward the shoreline. “The perfect spot for surfing is right outside this house.”

“I see. So I can just wait for them here?”

“You could, but don’t you need your gear?”

“If you mean my surfing gear, I don’t have any.”

You scowled playfully. “Then how do you plan to surf?”

“I’m hoping if I walk along the beach, I’ll find a rental shop or something.”

You chuckled. “You don’t need a rental.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you said proudly, nodding.

Once the kitchen was tidied up, you led Vernon to the backyard and showed him the shed where you kept your swimming and surfing gear. He looked impressed by the collection of surfboards, wetsuits, and even fishing equipment.

“Do you surf?” he asked and you rolled your eyes. There are at least five boards in that shed, shouldn’t it be obvious enough?

“Do I?” you quipped. “Yeah, I do. Did. I haven’t surfed in a long time.”

“Why not?” He reached for a purple board, carefully pulling it from the rack.

“I just lost interest. No grand reason behind it. My dad taught me how to surf but we haven’t done it in a long time so… yeah,” you trailed off, watching him put the board back where it belonged.

“You still remember how, right?” he asked, and you just shrugged. Then his eyes lit up as he spotted something. “Is that a spear?”

“Oh, that’s my dad’s,” you said, pushing the fishing gear further back into the shed. “He used to do a lot of spearfishing.”

“Cool.”

Your brows furrowed. “Cool? Didn't you say you were an environmentalist?”

“Spearfishing is fine as long as it’s practiced responsibly and with respect to local regulations and conservation efforts.”

You nodded in acknowledgment. “I see. Well, in that case, my dad is a pretty responsible fisher. He used to be the head of the coastal preservation council here.”

“Your dad sounds really cool. Is he around?”

“He is cool,” you said, smiling proudly. “But no, he’s not here right now.”

“I see,” Vernon replied, leaning against the shed door as he watched you rummage through the items. As you were looking through the snorkeling box, you accidentally knocked over another box and sent the contents spilling all over the floor.

“Oh, god,” you groaned, picking up the items on the floor. Vernon was quick to help you, chuckling.

“What are these?” he asked, examining the surfwax bars.

“It’s surfwax. You rub it all over the surfboard so you don’t slip,” you explained, taking the stuff from his hand to pack it away. When it was done, you lifted the box to put it back on the shelf.

Vernon chuckled softly. “Here, let me.” Before you could protest, he reached out and took the box from you, his fingers brushing against yours for a moment.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, stepping back to give him space. But instead of moving away, Vernon stepped closer, his focus entirely on the shelf as he lifted the box into place.

You felt a sudden rush of shyness as his arm brushed against your shoulder, the proximity making your heart skip a beat. The scent of his cologne, fresh and woodsy, filled the air between you, and you could feel the warmth radiating from his body.

“Is this the right spot?” he asked, glancing down at you with a smile, completely unaware of the effect his closeness had on you.

“Uh, yeah,” you stammered, your cheeks flushing. “That’s perfect.”

Vernon adjusted the box, making sure it was secure before stepping back. But instead of moving away, he turned to face you, his face just inches from yours. You could see the tiny flecks of gold in his big brown eyes, and the playful smile that often danced on his lips. The room seemed to grow quieter, the moment stretching as you both stood there. For a moment, neither of you moved, caught in the unexpected closeness.

“Are you okay?” he asked, startling you so you took a step back. In doing so, you kicked the foot of the shelf and knocked over a bucket sitting on top of it. Cool water splashed all over you and Vernon, making you gasp in shock.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, patting his shirt as if it would help dry him in any way.

Vernon looked down at his soaked self and chuckled. “That’s one way to cool off.”

“Oh, god. Why is there a bucket of water in here?” You looked up at the top of the shelf and noticed a small dot of light pouring from a hole in the roof. “That hole seriously needs patching up. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“It’s fine. We’ll go swimming later anyway,” said Vernon, squeezing water out of his shirt.

“But I don’t know for how long that water’s been sitting there,” you said shyly. It may be just rainwater but you know it hasn’t rained in Azure Bay for more than a week now.

“Oh,” he exclaimed, realization dawning on him.

“Follow me.”

You led him to the poolside, pointing to the outdoor shower. “You can rinse off there. I’ll find a towel and something for you to wear while your clothes dry.”

“Ah, how convenient.” Vernon smiled gratefully. “Thanks, y/n.”

As he rinsed off, you quickly fetched a towel and a spare pair of shorts from the poolside storage. You were drenched too, but you can rinse off in your bathroom upstairs. In the meantime, you headed back to Vernon with the spare clothes and the towel.

You approached the shower area, holding out the towel and shorts. “Here you go—” The words died in your throat as you caught sight of Vernon, his shirt already off, revealing a well-toned torso glistening with water. He turned, surprised, and for a moment, you were both frozen.

“Uh, thanks,” he said, taking the towel from you, a shy smile spreading across his face.

You felt your cheeks heat up and quickly turned away, trying to steady your racing heart. “The, uh... The washer is by the kitchen. You can throw your clothes in the dryer.”

"Alright."

"Right. I'll let you finish up."

You hurried inside, your mind swirling with the unexpected sight of Vernon. As you headed to your bathroom, you couldn’t help but feel a mix of embarrassment and something else you couldn’t quite name. After a quick shower, you changed into dry clothes and took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself.

When you returned to the poolside, Vernon was lounging on a chair, wearing the shorts you’d given him and toweling off his hair. He looked up and grinned.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

You nodded, keeping your eyes on his face and not letting it wander on his bare chest. “Yeah. You?”

“Much better,” he replied, still smiling. “Thanks for the help. I guess I owe you one.”

You waved it off, smiling back. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Right,” he agreed, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

You heard car horns honking from outside so you told Vernon to feel at home before heading to the gate. As expected, it was your friends arriving for the surfing thing they had planned for today.

“Fucking finally,” you muttered, trying to level your head after the tense events that transpired with Vernon.

“Vernon? Why, what’s up with him?” Jade inquired after you asked her about Vernon.

“Nothing. He’s just…” you paused, trying to find the right word. “...intriguing.”

“Intriguing? Interesting choice of word, y/n,” Trina teased, hitting your waist with hers as you both stood in front of your full-length mirror to see how your bikinis looked.

“I think she meant he’s cute and she’s interested,” Adie taunted from your bed.

You rolled your eyes at them. “I’m just curious, alright? Aren’t you? I mean, he’s new and we barely know him.”

“Oh, I do know him,” Trina said. “He’s friends with Hao too, you know. His name is actually Hansol Chwe.”

“Hansol Chwe?” you repeated curiously.

“Yeah. But Vernon is his english name. He’s actually a sophomore and he transferred from… I’m not sure where, but he’s a new student,” Trina continued.

Jade snapped his fingers. “Then it makes sense that he hasn’t hung out with us until now. He’s a neophyte.”

“So, what about him intrigues you, y/n?” Trina asked, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

“Did you two have a cutesy romcom-ish morning together?” Adie accused, pointing at you. “He had breakfast here, right?”

Jade interjected. “Or did you hook up while we were passed out at home?”

You gasped, scandalized. “What? Hook up? What do you take me for?”

“Ah, so you didn’t.”

“Did you make out while you were alone here or something?” Trina asked.

“You guys are crazy,” you told them, heading for the door. “We didn’t do any of that. We just ate, that’s all.”

“It was a cutesy romcom-ish morning, then,” Adie giggled, trailing behind you.

“It was not that either,” you insisted. “I’m done talking about this. He’s just another guy.”

Right, he is. A handsome guy, for sure, but he’s just another pretty guy. You’ve met countless pretty guys. Hot guys have flirted with you several times, especially on this beach. You’re friends with pretty guys. And you have, most certainly, seen them walk around topless plenty of times. Eunwoo is a literal angel. Jaehyun and Minghao are eye candies. And did you see Mingyu’s physique? You are literally surrounded by hot guys that you don’t even bat an eye on anymore.

So why is it that you can’t look at the topless Vernon without your heart skipping a beat?

“Y/n, come here!” your girlfriends called out from the shore. You just waved your arms, not even moving an inch from where you were comfortably seated.

On one side of the bay, you could see the boys on the surfboards, paddling on the calm waters since the tide wasn’t high enough for surfing. Vernon was making his way towards you, leaving the board on the sand.

“Reading while everyone’s having fun? Are you not like other girls?” he quipped, standing next to the beach bed where you were reading a book.

“I simply just had enough saltwater,” you replied nonchalantly, hiding your nervousness behind your big sunglasses.

“So, not like other girls?” he repeated, sitting on the beach bed next to yours. 

You chuckled lightly. “Trust me, Hansol, I’m just like every other girl.”

“Hansol?”

You glanced sideways at him. “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

“It is, but no one calls me that,” he replied. “You can call me Hansol, though.”

“I’m honored,” you retorted, chuckling as you returned your attention to your book. “But I won’t do that. It’s not like we’re close or anything.”

“How close do you need us to be?” he asked. You glanced back at him, just in time to see him lean closer, stopping just a few inches away so your noses don’t touch. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, trying not to stutter. You could only hope that your sunglasses were dark enough for him not to see your eyes.

A mischievous glint flickered in Vernon's eyes as he leaned in even closer, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “Is this close enough?”

“Move back,” you whispered, barely audible because you were sure you’d kiss if you so much as breathe.

He obeyed, slumping back on the beach bed with a content smile. Only then did you breathe properly again. Irritated, you stood up and walked away, leaving your book behind. After several steps, you glanced back to see Vernon had taken your book and was now reading it.

“She’s coming this way!” Adie shouted, pointing at you as your friends turned to look.

Eunwoo and Mingyu rushed out of the water, their eyes twinkling with mischief. Recognizing their intentions, you started running along the shore to escape them. But your limbs were no match for their long strides. They eventually caught up to you, and Mingyu swooped you up by the waist. Shrieking and kicking your legs in the air, you cursed at him, but he ignored you completely and leaped into the water with you.

Your splash into the cool water was met with laughter from everyone around. The initial shock of the cold quickly gave way to the exhilarating fun of being in the water. Mingyu's grip loosened, allowing you to find your footing in the shallow water, though you were already drenched from head to toe.

“Eunwoo, you traitor!” you called out, splashing water at him.

He laughed, dodging your attempts. “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re a slow runner!”

Vernon eventually waded into the water, holding one of your flip-flops above his head. “Look what I saved from the water!”

“Give it back!” you demanded, wading toward him.

He grinned, holding it just out of reach. “You’ll have to catch me first!”

It turned into a game of tag, with you chasing Vernon around to retrieve your slipper. After several minutes of playful chaos, you finally managed to snatch it from Vernon’s hand, clutching it triumphantly to your chest. But your victory was short-lived after Jaehyun sneaked up behind you to steal it again.

He held it up, making it impossible for you to reach it. “How long before you can take this from us?”

“Us?” you questioned and Jaehyun responded by tossing the slipper to Minghao, who then threw it to Eunwoo.

The game of tag resumed and continued as your girlfriends joined in, making it a game of Boys vs. Girls. You splashed and chased each other and the beach echoed with laughter and shouts of joy.

After a while, the group tired out and decided to take a break under the beach umbrellas. You spread out towels and settled into the lounge chairs, feeling the sun's warmth on your skin as it dried off the seawater. The boys sat on the towels, discussing the best surf spots and the timing of the tide.

“It should be high tide soon, right?” Jaehyun asked, glancing at you since you were the more experienced surfer in the group, thus making you more well-versed in the tides.

You looked at the sea, and then at your watch. “Yeah, it should be. Look the waves are getting bigger.”

Mingyu whistled excitedly. “It’s going to be epic.”

“Shouldn’t be long now,” you commented, leaning back on the beach bed and closing your eyes.

As you lay there, soaking in the sun and the sound of the waves, Eunwoo turned to you with a playful smile. “You should come out with us and show these newbies how it’s done.”

“Pass,” you deadpanned. “I’m tired.”

“You’ll miss out then,” he countered.

“I’ll get over it.”

“I could teach you,” Vernon offered, making you open your eyes to look at him. He smiled when you caught his gaze, but you just rolled your eyes and wore your sunglasses.

“Hard pass.”

Vernon scoffed, indignant. “What? I’m actually quite good at it.”

“Really? Have fun then,” you said monotonously. You were not just trying to be aloof. It was true that you were tired from all the playing and the swimming.

Time passed lazily as you lounged under the umbrellas, the sun slowly descending towards the horizon. You even snoozed for a bit, waking up with a jolt and wondering if you were out for three minutes or a whole hour. You saw that your friends were already surfing and the only ones left in the shade were you and Adie.

“That was a good one, Haohao!” you heard Trina shout and saw her waving happily by the shore.

The sight of them paddling out into the surf was captivating. They cut through the waves with practiced ease, their shouts of triumph carrying back to shore whenever they caught a particularly good wave. Vernon, true to his word, was a natural, effortlessly gliding along the waves.

You continued to watch from the comfort of your lounge chair, enjoying the peaceful rhythm of the waves and the distant laughter of your friends. As the sun dipped lower, painting the sky in breathtaking shades of orange and pink, the surfers finally began to make their way back to shore. Groaning and sighing, everyone settled down to dry off and bask in the warmth of the remaining sunlight. You stayed longer to watch the sunset, take pictures, and feel the warm dusk breeze.

“Should we head back to the house?” you suggested, glancing at the darkening sky.

“Yeah, I’m getting hungry,” Mingyu agreed, pouting. 

Gathering your belongings, you all made your way back to the beach house. The walk was filled with more lighthearted chatter and the occasional burst of laughter. By the time you reached the house, the first stars were twinkling in the sky.

You were amazed to find barbecue being prepared at the poolside patio by your mother and Elise, a high school friend of yours. She greeted you and Jade with hugs and giggles.

“Oh, mom, you didn’t have to do all this,” you told your mom, feeling grateful and shy. 

“It’s alright, hun,” she chimed, flipping the barbecue over. “I had help from Elise here.”

You eyed Elise, equipped with tongs and a black apron over her dress. “I bumped into her at the grocery store and she invited me over for dinner.”

“Thanks for coming. Jade and I were actually talking about hanging with you guys a while ago,” you told her while you ushered your friends to the shower area so they can wash up.

“That can be arranged, but if you haven’t come up with anything yet, you should join us next weekend.”

“Next weekend?” you questioned, opening your mouth to accept the piece of barbecue your mom was feeding you.

“Talk about it later, girls. After you’re cleaned and decent,” your mom chided softly, poking your bare waist and grimacing at your bikini.

Giggling, you headed inside the house and heard your mom telling you not to step on the carpet with your sandy feet. Seeing the carpeted floor of your living room and stairs, you decided not to climb up to your bedroom and use the kitchen bathroom instead. 

Quietly slipping inside, you locked the door behind you, only to freeze when you turned to find Vernon standing under the showerhead, a look of surprise mirrored on both your faces.

“Oh my god!” you exclaimed, instinctively covering your eyes with your hands. “Don’t you lock doors when you’re using the bathroom?”

Vernon chuckled, his relaxed demeanor contrasting with your flustered state. “I was here with Mingyu. He didn’t lock it when he left.”

“You were here with Mingyu?” you asked, surprised and maybe a little malicious.

“No. He let me in after he was done,” he clarified and then you felt warm water being splashed at you. “Take your mind out of the gutter.”

You looked straight at him, feeling defensive. “I didn’t say anything!” He wasn’t completely naked. He still had his shorts on.

“You were thinking it,” he retorted, smirking. He turned the shower on, closing his eyes as the water hit his face.

Nervous, you turned the knob but it was locked. You fumbled with it for a few seconds, suddenly clueless about how it worked.

“You don’t have to leave. I’m done here,” he said after a while, turning the shower off.

“Hurry up then.”

You watched him reach for the towel and wipe his face as he walked towards the door. Realizing you were in front of it, you moved aside so he could leave. Instead of heading for the door, however, Vernon went straight to you, not breaking eye contact and stopping only when your feet touched.

“W-What?” you stammered, trying to maintain your composure as you met his gaze. Vernon didn’t say a word and just stared at you. Shy, you looked away and pushed him.

He held your hands and kept it on his chest. Then he said, “I need my clothes.”

“Your clothes?” you questioned, still not meeting his gaze. “Yeah, it’s up in my room. You can ask Jade for them, or Adie. They’ll know which one it is.”

He tightened his hold of your hands when you tried to withdraw them. Softly, he said, “You know, I think I've been wanting to do something for a while now.”

You looked up at him. “What is it?”

The tension between you lingered in the air, thickening with each passing moment as you found yourselves locked in a silent exchange of gazes. Vernon's eyes bore into yours, searching for something that you weren't sure you were ready to give.

"Just say 'no' and I'll be on my way," he finally broke the silence, his voice low and tinged with a hint of uncertainty.

You swallowed hard, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air as you struggled to find the right response. But when you opened your mouth to speak, the words caught in your throat, leaving you speechless. Vernon seemed to take your silence as an answer.

Your whole body ached with anticipation as you inched towards each other, the distance between you narrowing until there was barely a breath of space left. Each moment spent together today had been leading up to this, a series of shared glances, lingering touches, and unspoken words building a tension that was both exhilarating and terrifying.

And then, without warning, his lips met yours in a tender kiss, sending a rush of warmth coursing through your veins. It was soft, gentle, and fleeting as if you were both testing the waters. Then you met again in another kiss, this time deeper, more urgent, and more intense. With ease, your tongue pushed inside his mouth, clashing with his. Then he bit your lip just enough to make you moan. You held on to his arm, knees weakened by the tingling sensations and the swirling emotions. Vernon held your back firmly, keeping you in place.

By the time you pulled away, you were both breathless and shocked. Vernon flashed a handsome smile, his breath fanning your face as he chuckled a little. His hands trailed down to your arms, holding them gently.

“I liked that,” Vernon echoed, his voice barely a whisper. “I liked that a lot.”

You giggled shyly, touching your lips. “Shut up.”

“I mean it!” he insisted, biting his lower lip as if to savor the lingering feeling of the kiss.

“Alright! You mean it. Be quiet about it!” you chided jokingly. 

As Vernon and you were caught up in the aftermath of your kiss, a sudden knock on the bathroom door startled both of you. You exchanged a quick, bewildered glance before Vernon moved to open the door very slightly. To your surprise, it was Mingyu standing there. You pressed your finger on your lips, gesturing at Vernon to not let him know you were there.

“Jade said these are yours,”  said Mingyu and you saw Vernon take the clothes in his hand.

With a forced smile, Vernon replied, "Thanks, man. I'll be out in a minute."

Mingyu's brow furrowed in suspicion as he peered into the bathroom. "Alright, but hurry up. We're all waiting for you."

As Mingyu turned to leave, you held your breath, praying he wouldn't be suspicious. Once he was out of earshot, Vernon let out a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair. You awkwardly walked to the shower, facing the wall so Vernon could get dressed. After about two minutes, you felt him approaching you from behind and pressing a quick peck on your cheek.

“I’ll see you outside?” he asked.

Smiling, you nodded and tilted your head to face him. “Sure.”

It took a while before you could calm down and properly wash up. And a few more minutes of pacing around your room before you got dressed and joined everyone for dinner. Everyone asked what took you so long and you coughed up a random excuse as you sat on the vacant chair next to Eunwoo. Your eyes met Vernon’s throughout the night, while you were thinking about the potential complications of your newfound connection.

You were on a quiet beach, eerily familiar but also unfamiliar. Waves crashed against the rocks, breaking the quietness of the night. The moon hung high in the sky, giving the sea an enchanting, silvery twinkle. The air was calm and cold as you scanned the horizon, your heart racing with curiosity and apprehension. 

“Where am I?” you asked yourself, walking towards the array of beach beds and closed umbrellas. As you were about to sit, you were startled by a loud sound of waves crashing against the rocky cliff up ahead. You glanced in that direction where you could see a figure illuminated by the ethereal moonlight.

“Who’s there?” you called out, only for your voice to echo back into your ear. The eerie sound made you gasp and in a blink of an eye, you found yourself lying on the grass. The sun was bright, stinging your eyes, so you tried to block it with your hand.

“I’ve been wanting to do something for a while now,” said a voice beside you that you immediately recognized. You glanced sideways, and lying on the grass next to you, was Vernon, his eyes filled with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine.

Your vision blurred again, the scene shifting into an entirely different place. You were panting and moaning as you straddled Vernon, a scent of perfume and sweat permeating the air. His grip was strong on your waist and your head was tilted back, lost in the moment of passion. He then touched your face, willing you to look him in the eyes.

But just as you were about to speak, to lean in and kiss his lips, the dream shifted, dissolving into darkness as you were pulled back into the realm of wakefulness. You blinked, disoriented, trying to understand what had just happened.

“Oh,” you blurted, and hearing your own voice caused a bolt of electricity to shoot through your body, jolting you awake.

Gasping for breath, you sat up in bed, your heart pounding in your chest. The remnants of the dream clung to you, vivid and almost tangible. You glanced around your darkened room, the shadows and furniture outline bringing you back to reality. It had felt so real, so intense. And yet, it was just a dream.

Frustrated, you buried your face in your hands, shaking your head violently as if to expel the lewd images in your mind. Then for a moment, you sat there in the silence of the night, the memory of the dream still fresh and unsettling.

“What the actual fuck,” you sighed, shocked, scandalized, and utterly bewildered. The sensations, the closeness—it was too much.

Just then, your phone buzzed, breaking the silence. You grabbed it from the bedside table, squinting at the screen to recognize the username of the person who had followed you. Not that you needed any effort; ‘vernonline’ was practically a complete government ID.

“Of all the people who could decide to follow me right now,” you muttered, swiping to see his profile. You scrolled through his posts as you lay back down, stopping at a particularly good-looking photo of him. As you studied his features, images from the dream started flashing in your mind, making you toss the phone away and bury your face in your pillow.

“Gosh, y/n, what the hell was that?” you scolded yourself, kicking your sheets aggressively and stopping only when your phone buzzed again.

You peeked at your screen and saw that Vernon had messaged you.

Vernon: Can’t sleep? You: Can’t. Vernon: What are you up to?

“Having sex with you in my dream, dumbass,” you blurted, exhaling sharply.

You: Idk, nothing. Vernon: Meet me at the bay by your house?

You scowled, dictating as you typed a reply. “‘Now?’” Biting your nails, you stared at your screen as you waited for his reply.

Vernon: Yes. I’m out here right now

“What?” you blurted, standing up at once and rushing to your window to see if he was telling the truth. Sure enough, there was Vernon, seated on one of the beach beds. The beach was a distance away, but you could clearly see him, his face illuminated by the glow of his phone. You decided to call him, and he picked up quickly.

“What are you doing out there?” you asked, glancing at your watch. It’s almost midnight.

“I don’t know. I was walking down the beach from Jade’s house, getting some fresh air. I didn’t stop until I realized how far I’d come. Then I saw that I was almost at your house, so I just kept walking.”

“Stay there,” you told him, hanging up. You grabbed a jacket and rushed out of the house to meet him.

Vernon greeted you with a sweet smile, tilting his head handsomely as you approached. He looked cozy in his black hoodie and denim jeans. As you drew nearer, you couldn't help but wrestle with the vivid memories of your dream and your sanity's efforts to push it to the back of your mind.

“Walking from Jade’s house all the way here? Surely you can come up with a better excuse,” you joked as soon as you reached him.

Vernon chuckled heartily, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. “Alright, you got me. I came all the way here just to see you.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine, a mix of excitement and nervousness. The dream had left a lingering impression, and now here he was, as real as the cool night breeze. 

“In the middle of the night?” you asked, sitting on the chair opposite his.

“Yes. And I did walk all the way here.”

You scowled, unconvinced. “No, you didn’t.”

“Actually, I did. It’s not that far if you follow the beach line,” he said, then pointed somewhere behind him. “See that bright light there? That’s Jade’s house.”

You looked at where he was pointing, squinting to see the faint glow in the distance. “Wow, you really did walk all the way here,” you admitted with a hint of surprise in your voice.

Vernon shrugged casually. “Told you so.”

A comfortable silence settled between you as the sound of the waves filled the air. The moonlight cast a soft glow over the sea, and you could hear the faint music from the beachfront bars nearby.

“So, what made you walk all the way here?” you asked, breaking the silence. “Can't sleep?”

He shrugged, his gaze fixed on the gentle waves lapping at the shore. “Yeah. Thought maybe a walk would help clear my mind.”

“Did it?” you asked, curious about what was going on in his mind.

Vernon turned to you, his eyes catching the faint moonlight. “Not really. But seeing you... that helps.”

You felt your cheeks warm, grateful for the dim light hid your blush. Scoffing in feigned indifference, you said, “Smooth talker.”

He laughed, the sound blending harmoniously with the night. “I don’t know. You’ve been running in my head all night. All day, actually.”

“Did you come here to sweet talk me?”

“Nah, I came because…” he paused, hesitating. Then he sighed, deciding not to continue. “Forget it. What’s the dream about?”

You froze, not expecting the question. “What makes you think I had a dream?”

“You looked like you were woken up from a good sleep,” he said, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

You laughed nervously. “Just a random dream, nothing important.”

Thankfully he didn’t press for answers and quietly leaned on the beach bed. There was no exchange of words for a while, and you sat there feeling impatient and nervous. You didn’t want to leave yet but you couldn’t find a reason to stay. 

“Do you regret it?” Vernon asked quietly, his voice calming your jittery hands. “The kiss?”

Looking at him, you shook your head. “No, I don’t. Do you?”

“Not for a second,” he said firmly. “I just don’t know where to go from here.”

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. “Maybe we don’t need to have all the answers right now. Maybe we can just... see where this goes.”

Vernon studied you for a moment, then nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Vernon rose to his feet and occupied the space next to you. You were nervous, but you didn’t shy away from him this time. When he lifted your chin to meet his gaze, you placed a hand on his neck. When he leaned in for a kiss, you met him halfway and with equal eagerness. Next thing you know, you were moaning on the beach bed, Vernon’s kisses peppering the skin along your neck while his hands roamed your body. 

Your hand was firm on his back, holding on for dear life as he explored your body for the spots that electrified you. Eventually, his lips found their way back to yours, sucking, nipping, and biting while you pressed your body against his. Your jacket has long been discarded, and your skin is wet with sweat despite the cool evening breeze. Vernon was impatient, having kissed every inch of your neck and collarbone before you gave him permission to go further.

He lifted your nightgown first, revealing your belly where he left a trail of sweet little kisses. His touch was electric, sending your mind spiraling with lust and anticipation. Then he stopped in front of your underwear, breathing warmly against it before cupping it with his big hand.

“You sure you wanna do this?” he asked, snapping you back into reality.

You blinked, looking around at the deserted beach. Then you immediately sat up, fixing the straps of your nightgown back in place.

“What the hell are we doing?” you exclaimed, standing up at once. Vernon’s face dropped, looking disappointed and understanding at the same time. You picked up your jacket on the sand, grabbed his hand, and led him to your house.

Vernon tugged you back, locking you in his arms and asking, “Are you sure?”

Groaning, you tiptoed to kiss him. “Very sure. Just not here.”

You slipped into the house quietly, careful not to wake your mom or make a sound. At one point, Vernon almost knocked over a plant hanging by the staircase. Luckily, he caught it before it could hit the floor and you laughingly put it back.

As soon as you reached your room, you grabbed Vernon’s collar and kissed him. Vernon was just as excited, brazenly slipping his hands underneath your nightgown to feel the skin of your back and grab a handful of your ass. A moan escaped your lips when he gave it a squeeze. You grabbed his hand to stop him from doing it again.

“Sorry,” he grinned, pecking at your lips.

“No, I like it. But don’t do it. We can’t be loud,” you whispered, reaching behind him to turn the lock on your door. “My mom’s a light sleeper.”

“Right, okay,” he obliged before swooping your cheek to kiss you again. “Any chance you have condoms tucked away somewhere?”

“Crap. I don’t,” you replied, brows knitting together. “But I’m on the pill.”

“Okay. Good.”

By the time you reached the bed, Vernon had discarded his hoodie and your nightgown lay on a heap on the floor. Neither of you wanted to stop kissing, but you had to when you climbed the bed and laid on your back.

“Wow,” he blurted, feasting his eyes on the nakedness before him. The way he smirked and bit his lower lip at the sight of you made you feral. “I knew it.”

“Knew what?” you asked shyly, feeling self-conscious.

He crept up to you, propping himself in his arms as he hovered over you. Then he whispered, his voice deep and melodic. “I knew you looked way better without those bikinis from earlier.”

Normally, you’d be all red and embarrassed if someone complimented you. But right now, all you are feeling is a boost of confidence and the strong urge to challenge his patience.

“Oh yeah? Now that explains why you were ogling me all day,” you purred, one hand on his neck while the other traced a line from his cheek down to his chest.

Vernon smirked. “Says you who gave me nothing but shorts to wear all day.”

You giggled when he kissed your neck. “That was unintentional.”

He hummed against your skin. “So are my occasional glances at your bikini-clad ass. Let’s not hold it against each other, love.”

The endearment had your stomach fluttering as you were dragged into the vice of his lips again. You matched his fervor, tugging, biting, battling your tongue with his, running your fingers through his scalp and grabbing a handful of his hair. His lips moved to your breast, one hand fondling the other as his tongue circled and sucked on your nipple. You cried out when he pinched it, and your hand flew over your mouth to prevent yourself from making any sound– however too late it may be.

“Vernon,” you called softly, squeezing your thighs together.

Vernon flashed a playful grin before he reached between your thighs to touch your clothed sex. “How quickly can you cum?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Why? Are you in a hurry or something?”

“Not at all,” he replied, shaking his head. “I need to know if I want to impress you on our first time.”

You groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Can we just save that for next time?”

“Alright, alright,” he chuckled, holding your knees and parting them. “You’re an impatient one.”

“And you’re chatty,” you scoffed, kissing him once more as he ripped your underwear off.

“Don’t you know how important communication is?” he teased. Without warning, he took a long, wet lick of your cunt, sending pleasant shivers down your spine. You bit your lower lip, stifling the lewd sounds of pleasure that were trying to escape your mouth. 

Then he repeated it several times more before positioning himself between your legs. You didn’t even notice that he had taken off his pants. Your entire body ached with lust and anticipation for what was about to come. Vernon took his sweet time peppering your neck and chest with kisses.

“Vernon,” you pleaded with desperation in your voice, throwing all self-respect out the window.

The tip of his cock prodded your cunt, pushing ever so slightly as he tried to test how difficult or how easy it would be to get in. You gasped when his head went in, and whimpered when he bottomed out in one go. A delightful pain shot through your body, one that’s electrifying and satisfying. The way his dick stretched you was wonderful, nearly perfect.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his face twitching with what you can only assume as satisfaction.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you whispered, breathless and exhilarated. 

He moved once, observing your reaction. After another thrust, he was able to confirm that you were doing fine so he started bucking his hips rhythmically, sending ripples of pleasure through your body. As he kept going, you tried to keep quiet but it proved difficult when he was ramming into you while sucking the skin on your neck. You were holding back so hard that you could only whimper and gasp, leaving you so frustrated that you felt like crying.

Vernon's grip under your thighs tightened, his breathing erratic as he tried not to make loud sounds. His strangled grunts, the sharp intake of air, along with the raspy curses and quiet whispers of dirty sweet nothings in your ear made you dizzy, so much that you swear you’re seeing stars on your ceiling.

“So… fucking… tight,” he grunted, thrusting harder and deeper.

“Oh, god,” you mewled, and repeated your words again when he continued, “Oh, god, Vernon!”

You thought you could go for a long time, but the slight change in his pace reached places you never expected him to find so easily. You arched your body towards him, digging your nails on his shoulder as you neared the sweet bliss of release. Your eyes were rolling back, going out of your mind due to intense pleasure.

“Vernon,” you murmured, brows knitting, puppy-eyed, and biting your lip. “Please… Please don’t stop… Aagh— don’t you… fucking… stop!”

Vernon heeded your plea, losing his mind over your desperate face. He locked your lips in a kiss, muffling your moans as the twisted knot in your belly exploded. Mouth hanging open, you felt lightheaded and weak, every sound fading into a static noise as every ounce of energy left your limbs. 

Your vision shifted out of focus for a second, and then you were met by Vernon’s proud smirk. Sighing in relief, you reached to wipe the sweat on his forehead. He was still inside you, moving very slowly as you basked in the joy of your orgasm. He looked hotter in this view, a thin sheen of sweat covering his entire body. 

“How was that?” he asked, smirking. You rolled your eyes to discourage his smug attitude, but the grin on your lips was evidence of your satisfaction. He added, “Mind if I finish?”

Suddenly, it clicked. He wasn’t done yet! “Please. Go ahead.”

Vernon inhaled sharply before he started ramming his hips into you again. The sensations rushed back into you, making you gasp and whimper. He was going at an unsteady but brutal pace, thrusting faster and harder as he chased his orgasm. With a rough grunt and one final thrust, he pulled out and sent streaks of cum across your belly. You reached for his cock to jerk it off, making him groan due to overstimulation. After he was done, he hovered there for a few seconds and then fell on a heap on top of you.

“Wow,” he rasped, panting.

“Yeah,” you breathed, immensely weakened. "Wow."

The dream must have been a premonition. Or it might be the manifestation of the pent-up tension between you all day. Either way, it didn’t matter. What mattered was this moment, right now. The figment of your imagination could never compare to the real thing. It was everything you’d ever imagined, so much better even.

Vernon was gone before daybreak after you sent him away. He had been sleeping soundly next to you last night, warm and snuggly. But you woke him up barely four hours later and asked him to leave. You asked nicely, of course, and he was very understanding of your reasons. As beautiful as it was, you both agreed to keep the whole thing a secret for now. So, you sent him away to ensure your mother wouldn’t see him in the morning or that your friends wouldn’t wonder where he was.

It bothered you how quickly you got into this relationship with Vernon, especially because you knew it didn’t stem from sincere feelings but rather from infatuation and sexual tension. You also didn’t want to be the subject of your friends’ relentless teasing for the whole duration of their stay. How would you explain that you were suddenly sleeping with the guy you said you had zero interest in?

You had been staring at the ceiling for over an hour now, reliving the events of last night and wondering what the next few days had in store for the two of you. You needed not to remind yourself that this was all but a convenient setup. No strings had been attached to this yet, as far as your spoken declarations were concerned. With that in mind, you drifted back to sleep, tired from last night’s excursions.

The late morning sun filtered through your curtains, and the cool wind embraced your naked arms. You woke up again, feeling the emptiness beside you where Vernon had been. It was a strange feeling, missing someone who had just been a friend until recently. The physical connection you shared last night had stirred up emotions you hadn't anticipated.

As you got ready for the day, your thoughts drifted back to Vernon. You couldn't deny the chemistry between you two, but the uncertainty of where this was headed made you uneasy. The thought of facing your friends and pretending nothing had changed was daunting but necessary. You couldn't let them suspect anything, at least not yet.

Downstairs, your mother was on her knees, scanning the papers she had strategically scattered on the floor and on the couches in the living room. She was mumbling to herself, the deep scowl on her face indicating her intense concentration. It is best not to disturb her when she is busy like this, so you slip quietly out of the house, taking your old car out of the garage and heading to Jade’s.

When you got there, the house was already buzzing with activity. Your friends were lounging in the living room, chatting and laughing. You joined them, trying to act as normal as possible.

“Look who decided to turn up,” Jade teased, waving. "You missed breakfast."

"Sorry, I was really tired," you replied, forcing a smile as you sat down.

Mingyu glanced at you with a knowing look, but he didn't say anything. You wondered if he had noticed anything unusual about Vernon this morning.

“What's the plan for today?” you asked, eager to divert attention from yourself.

“Beach volleyball!” Jaehyun announced enthusiastically. “Elise invited us to join them at the beach.”

“Cool. Can we make s’mores after?” Trina requested. “That is if there isn’t a bonfire party after the game.”

Jade nodded. “There isn’t, so yes, we can make smores.”

Everyone cheered at the idea, and you couldn't help but feel a bit relieved. Activities like these would keep everyone occupied and less likely to notice any changes between you and Vernon.

As the day went on, you found yourself stealing glances at Vernon, who seemed just as composed as ever. The physical distance between you in public was a stark contrast to the intimacy you had shared last night. It was a balancing act, maintaining the facade while grappling with your own feelings.

During volleyball, you and Vernon ended up on opposing teams, and your competitive sides came out in full force. Since this was a game held by your high school friends, Winwin was there too and got on the same team as you. In a quick battle of wits, Jade boasted about you and Winwin being the best beach volleyball duo, making everyone cheer and tease. The game was filled with laughter, teasing, and a few surprisingly intense moments.

“You're pretty good,” Vernon said, panting and grinning as you both took a break.

“I could say the same about you,” you replied, wiping sweat from your forehead. That was your first conversation ever since he left your house that morning.

Later in the afternoon, while everyone was busy setting up for the bonfire, Vernon found a chance to be alone with you. He casually asked you to help him get the marshmallows from the kitchen, and you obliged. As you looked for the bag of marshmallows, Vernon sneakily closed the pantry door.

“You gotta be kidding me,” you muttered.

“Come on. Forget the mallows for a sec,” he grinned, tugging you by the waist.

Vernon scooped your cheek to kiss you, and you happily kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. There was a sense of relief mixed in the euphoria of kissing Vernon, as if you had been starved of his touch for years instead of mere hours. You melted in his arms, delirious because of his kiss. When you parted, your lips ached for him, but you didn’t indulge it.

“Can I see you tonight?” he asked, looking ecstatic.

Absolutely, you screamed in your head but you wanted to play hard-to-get. “I’ll think about it,” you replied.

“Okay. Let me know.”

He kissed you once more, and then another. And even as you were leaving the pantry, he stole kisses on your cheek, stopping only when you were almost outside the house where all your friends are gathered.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activities and stolen moments. You and Vernon navigated your secret relationship with a mix of excitement and caution. Every touch, every shared glance held a thrill of secrecy that only the two of you understood. Vernon has mastered the art of sneaking to your house, undetected. And you would be in each other’s arms all night, only to act like you barely knew each other the next day.

One morning, the group decided to go kayaking. You went to a water sports resort with your friends, excited about the activities you haven’t done in a long time. The clear blue waters of the bay called to you, and it was like you were rediscovering its beauty after spending most of your life living here.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Jade asked Trina again, who shook her head in response.

“Have fun, babe,” she told Minghao who then joined Mingyu on the kayak. “Take care of my Haohao, alright?” 

You scoffed as you were strapping your life vest. “Wrong. Minghao should take care of Mingyu. Chances of falling off the kayak and drowning is higher for that giant himbo.”

Eunwoo laughed as he was helping you with the gear. Patting the back of your life vest, he said, “There. You’re all set.”

“Thanks,” you lilted, looking at the array of kayaks by the shore. “Which one is ours?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m going with Adie.”

You gawked at him and then glanced over your shoulders at Adie who was chatting with Jade. “With Adie?”

“Yeah. It sort of just… happened. I could go with you instead, if you want,” he offered but you shook your hands.

“No, it’s okay. You can go with her. I don’t think she knows how to kayak so she’ll need someone who does.”

Eunwoo looked apologetic, but he just nodded and looked around. “So, you wouldn’t mind going with Vernon?”

You paused, surprised. Then your eyes searched the vicinity for Vernon. He was talking to a resort staff with Jaehyun and he smiled at you when he caught you looking.

It makes sense, of course. Eunwoo and Adie are going out together. Jade pairing up with her boyfriend is a given. So that leaves you and Vernon.

“Yeah. I don’t see why I would,” you replied.

You paired up with Vernon, both of you concealing your satisfaction with how things turned out. You pushed off from the shore, your kayak gliding smoothly over the water. The others spread out, their laughter and shouts echoing across the bay. 

“So, do you kayak often?” Vernon asked, his voice carrying over the gentle lapping of the waves.

“Not as often as I'd like,” you admitted. 

“Living here, with this magnificent bay and all, I assumed you would be out on the water every day,” he commented.

“Well, I did have a phase where I can’t seem to get enough of the sea,” you reminisced. “But that was when I was like, sixteen or seventeen. Now I barely come out here, especially since I’m away for college most of the time.”

Vernon nodded. “I get that. Sometimes we take the beautiful things around us for granted because they’re always there.”

You paddled in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the serene beauty of the bay. The water was clear, allowing you to see the underwater world teeming with life beneath you. Schools of fish darted around, and you even spotted a few crabs scuttling along the sandy bottom.

“Hey, want to head over to that little cove?” Vernon pointed to a secluded spot where the trees leaned over the water, creating a shaded area perfect for a break.

“Sure,” you agreed, steering your kayak in that direction.

As you approached the cove, the sounds of your friends grew distant, replaced by the soothing rustle of leaves and the occasional call of a seabird. You both pulled your kayak up onto a small, sandy beach and took a seat on a fallen log.

“This is nice,” you said, taking a deep breath of the salty air. You leaned back, propping yourself up on your hands. “You know, this whole secret relationship thing... it’s kind of fun.”

Vernon grinned. “Yeah? I was worried it might be too much stress.”

You shook your head. “It has its moments, but there’s something exciting about it.”

He reached out, taking your hand in his. “I like that. But I don’t want it to be stressful for you. If it ever gets too much, just tell me, okay?”

“Okay,” you promised, squeezing his hand.

For a moment, you both just sat there, holding hands and listening to the gentle sounds of nature. It was a rare, peaceful moment amid the whirlwind that had become your summer.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Vernon said out of nowhere.

You glanced at him curiously and upon recognizing the mischief on his face, you shook your head. “Don’t even think about it.”

Vernon threw his head back laughing. “Pretty hard not to. With you in that gorgeous two-piece and all.”

“Have some decency, Vernon. I’ve been thinking about giving you a head all day but I didn’t because we’re out in public.”

The shock made Vernon inhale sharply, cover his mouth, and look away. You just scowled at him, confused at his overreaction. When he glanced back at you, his eyes were bulging out of their sockets. You raised an eyebrow so he cleared his throat and composed himself.

“You can’t say things like that out loud!” he chided softly, shaking his head.

You scoffed. “I’m sure whatever you have in your mind is far more scandalous.”

Vernon smiled playfully. “Oh, so you wanna hear what I think?”

“No,” you declared, crossing your arms over your chest and reverting your gaze to the sea.

“I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side. No one will notice.”

“Hansol Vernon Chwe!” you exclaimed, slapping his arm. You were right, he was thinking far more scandalous thoughts! “Your mind is in the gutter.”

“So what? My mind likes it there.”

“Unbelievable,” you muttered, standing up at once. Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up and led him further into the cove.

“Can’t we just—” 

You cut him off with an urgent kiss, clutching a handful of his hair as you kept his head at an angle. Vernon wasted no time, locking your waist in his arms and kissing you with sweet abandon. You made out with him for a couple minutes, stopping immediately when he started grinding his crotch against you.

“Aw,” he whined, shoulders sagging as he watched you walk away from him and back to the shore like nothing happened.

Just in time, the sound of voices carried over the water, signaling the return of your friends. 

“Let’s head back,” you called out to Vernon who was walking to you with a grumpy pout. You couldn’t help the grin that formed on your lips, pleased with his reaction.

You woke up to the sound of birds calling from a distance and the weight of an arm around your waist. A smile crept upon your lips as you snuggled closer to the warmth radiating from behind you. Your movements caused Vernon to stir, groaning as he pulled you closer and nuzzled his face behind your neck.

“Good morning,” he whispered, his voice deep and throaty. You felt a soft peck on your shoulder as you uttered the same greeting. “Is it time to go?”

You shook your head lazily, turning to face him. An affectionate kiss on your forehead had you reeling in bliss. Vernon’s forehead was creased, but he didn't look annoyed, rather pleased with his eyes still closed and cheeks bloated from sleep.

“Later,” you replied and saw him nodding.

He took a long breath and locked your head in his arms. “Good idea.”

You laughingly hit his arm so he'd let you go, but Vernon squeezed tighter, just tight enough so you wouldn't choke. As you struggled to let loose, your phone started buzzing on the nightstand, so you reached to grab it, only to be dragged back by him.

“Stop! I gotta take it!” you giggled, and he eventually let go. You bolted right up when you saw Jade’s message on the screen, and your surprised action completely woke Vernon.

“What? What's wrong? What happened?” he asked, blinking at the bright sunlight pouring into the room.

“Jade’s coming.”

“Oh,” he blurted monotonously, scratching his chin. I have to go, don't I?"

"Yeah. Go,” you told him, patting his shoulder repeatedly. Vernon rose to his feet, picking up his stuff on the chair while you answered Jade’s call.

"Hey, are you up?" came your friend's voice from the other line.

"No," you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

"Good. Jaehyun and I are on our way."

"Uh, yeah. Okay. How long before you get here?" you questioned. Vernon was quietly asking where his jacket was, so you pointed at your desk. "You think you could pick up hot chocolate for me at Poppy’s?"

"Already on it," replied Jade. "Be there in 15."

Jade hung up after you said your goodbyes, and you jumped off your bed to see Vernon off. He wrapped you in his embrace, warm and snug. You inhaled his scent, reluctant to let him go.

“I'll see you later?” he asked, kissing the tip of your nose.

“Later,” you nodded. One more kiss and Vernon left your house, waving happily. You sighed after closing your door, wondering how much longer you could keep this a secret from your friends, especially from Jade, who had always been interested in your love life. She would have wanted to know about this before anyone else.

Should you tell her? Maybe she'll get off your case and stop setting you up with guys. Honestly, there was no reason to keep this a secret, except for the fact that Vernon is relatively new and everything happened too quickly between you.

You were stepping out of the bathroom when your doorbell rang. You peered outside the window and signaled for them to come in before running back to your bedroom to get changed. Jade’s cheerful ‘good morning’ greeted you, followed by a kiss on your cheek. Jaehyun asked you how your sleep was as he handed you the hot chocolate you asked them to pick up.

“So, tell me why you left your guests back at your house to have breakfast here with me?” you asked Jade as you both sat by the kitchen island, watching Jaehyun flip pancakes.

“Meh. They’re all busy doing their own thing. When I asked who wanted to come with us here, they all said no.”

“Eunwoo too?”

Jade shrugged. “Eunwoo hasn’t come out of his room, so he was probably still asleep. Vernon too, I guess. I haven’t seen them leave their room yet.”

You cleared your throat, suddenly feeling uneasy. “I see.”

“We’re leaving at noon,” she said after checking a message on her phone. “Are you ready?”

“I am,” you replied. You were invited by Elise to a camping trip, which you know would be fun so you all agreed to go. 

You and Vernon talked about it. He wasn’t as excited, saying he was tired and wanted to just stay in.

“Can we just stay here so I can fuck your brains out?” he had asked you the night before.

“My, my, how romantic,” you had told him sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “But if we do, everyone’s gonna know.”

After breakfast, Elise arrived with Winwin to pick you up. With your group of five people, you went to buy essentials for the camping trip: food, booze, and other materials. It was almost noon by the time you were done, so to save time, you picked up your stuff from the house and went straight to the meeting place where everyone was waiting.

“Did you get everything?” one friend asked as you were getting out of Winwin’s car.

You were surprised when you found your group to be smaller than expected. Other than you and your friends from uni, there were only six other people from your high school. Elise and Winwin were there, as expected. The other four are old classmates, including Mina, a girl Mingyu had been hanging out with ever since he got here.

In three SUV cars, you set off from the bay to a campsite that they had picked out. It was rowdy and you could already imagine how the weekend would go.

“Chips?” you asked Eunwoo, offering him a chip while he drove.

“Thanks,” he said, beaming and accepting the food with his mouth without taking his eyes off the road.

Mingyu’s head peeked at you from between the seats. He was pouting so you rolled your eyes at him and fed him some chips too.

“See, she loves me too,” Mingyu chimed, sitting back.

“She doesn't. You're just annoying and she puts up with you just to shut you up,” Adie sneered.

“You're just jealous because no one loves you like y/n does me.”

You heard Adie scoff. “Does your girlfriend know you're simping over y/n?”

“You know I don't have a girlfriend,” Mingyu replied indignantly.

“Exactly.”

Your gaze met Eunwoo's for a second before you both laughed at Mingyu’s misery. They continued to bicker along the way. 

Traveling always makes you sleepy, which is why you're the least fun person to be with on a road trip. This time, of course, you fell asleep barely an hour into the trip, waking up only when Eunwoo gently shook you.

“We're here,” he sang, eyes twinkling as he smiled at you. You smiled back, thanking him before stretching your limbs.

“Where is here, exactly?” you asked, handing his jacket back to him.

“Honestly, no idea. It's my first time here too,” he replied as he wore his jacket.

When you got out of the car, you recognized the campsite you frequented with your high school friends. Once a year, you all would come up here for some fresh air and to hike by yourselves. The air was colder, probably because you're up the mountains but the view was majestic enough to ignore the chill. The lake sat magnificently a few feet from where you stood and although the skies weren't particularly clear, it was still a sight to behold.

“Don't we need to unload our stuff first?” Eunwoo asked, shuddering as he hugged you from behind and trapped you inside his jacket.

You basked in the warmth but then caught Vernon’s gaze from where their car was parked. Casually, you slipped away from Eunwoo's arms. “There's no need. The tents are already furnished. You can crash as soon as you get there.”

“Have you been here before?”

“Yeah, we came here a lot when we were in high school.”

“Hey, Cha Eunwoo!” Jade's voice made you laugh. “I told you not to hog my best friend!”

Jade yanked you away from Eunwoo, hugging you tightly as if shielding you away from the man.

“She's my best friend too!” Eunwoo argued.

In a lower voice, Jade scolded him. “I know, but right now, you're ruining her chances at love.”

“Love?” you frowned but Jade was already dragging you away.

“Go help make food or something!” Jade told Eunwoo and you laughingly waved at him as you were getting dragged away.

“What do you mean by love?” you asked but she shushed you and discreetly pointed at the third car. Winwin was standing by it, unloading the stuff from the trunk.

“Uh… nope.”

“Why not?”

“He’s my ex.”

“Duh? I know,” she replied, rolling her eyes. Then she poked at your sides teasingly. “But I’ve seen how you’ve been spending some time with him these days. You seemed to have fun together. Why not give it another chance?”

“Oh, Jade,” you sighed. If only she knew which guy you had been spending all your free time with.

Barbecue was on the menu. While you helped prepare the food, the others were already starting the party with some music and booze. This mountain resort is a popular spot, but it’s summer, and most people are at the beach so your group is the only one present which was nice because you have the place all to yourselves. You chatted with Jaehyun and Winwin as you prepped, laughing at their jokes and playful banter. Vernon was there too, but he kept his distance and didn't speak to you.

“Need help with that?” you glanced sideways at the guy who crouched next to you by the cooler. It was Winwin and he smiled as he helped you put cans of soda and beer into the cooler.

“Not really, but thanks,” you replied. You and Winwin had indeed been chatting a lot whenever you were hanging out with them. But it’s all for the sake of friendship and the bond you used to have, nothing to suggest any romantic pursuits. You found these chats fun and interesting too, and you hoped that no one would make a big deal out of it. But after what Jade told you a while ago, you were starting to think everyone else might be misunderstanding your friendship.

“Hey, man,” came Vernon's voice from behind you that almost made you gasp. “Jaehyun’s calling you at the barbecue.”

Winwin stood up, smiling at you before running back to where he was being called. Vernon crouched down next to you, beaming as he helped with the remaining drinks.

“How was your sleep?” he asked, inching a little closer.

“My sleep?” you questioned, puzzled. “Did you see me sleeping in the car?”

He nodded. “Yeah. You were so cute with your mouth open.”

You felt your face flare and resisted the urge to swat him. “Not funny.”

“I didn't say it was funny,” he chuckled, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. “I said you were cute.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered, rolling your eyes before standing up. Vernon followed, carrying the cooler.

“Where do we put this?” he asked and you pointed to the direction of the dining area by the bonfire. You walked there together, chatting casually along the way before Jaehyun called you over to where they were preparing the other foods.

“Wait,” Vernon grabbed your wrist as you were about to walk away. You glanced at it and then at your friends who were waiting for you. Vernon instinctively released your hand. “Nevermind. Go ahead.”

For the rest of the afternoon, and through the night, you had fun with your friends, goofing around and reliving the memories of your teenage years. Games were present too, and drinks. Lots of drinks. 

However, there was a tension simmering under the surface, something you couldn't quite put your finger on.

Vernon has a feeling that today wasn’t his day. It started as soon as he left your house. On his way back to Jade’s, the neighbor’s dogs chased after him. In the two weeks that he has stayed here, those dogs had never shown any aggression towards him until today. He initially thought that was it, but when he was taking a shower, he slipped on the tiles and landed on his butt. Although it didn’t cause any real damage, it was still irritating.

And when it was time for them to leave, he wanted to be in the same car as you. But Jaehyun asked him to drive and he couldn’t decline. He wanted to, but he couldn’t possibly tell his friend that he didn’t want to drive because he wanted to be in the same car as you were. 

Well, he could. He just chose not to out of respect for your wishes to keep things quiet.

So he settled with the small joy of seeing you sleep on the passenger seat, looking cute with your mouth hanging open. It was so adorable he almost asked to get out of the car so he could go pinch your cheeks.

Then when you reached the campsite, Eunwoo was all over you and Jade said something about setting you up with your ex. Vernon heard that, of course. He doesn’t get it though. Why would you want to get back with an ex from a long time ago?

The rest of the afternoon unfolded with lots of activities. The air was filled with laughter, the crackle of the bonfire, and the smell of barbecue. As the sun dipped below the horizon, the party atmosphere grew even more vibrant.

Vernon watched you from a distance, his eyes tracking your every move. He tried to find a moment alone with you, but it seemed impossible. Winwin was always nearby, and you two were frequently seen laughing and chatting. Your bond from high school was so evident, that one would think you didn’t stop contacting each other all those years ago. Then there was Eunwoo, who had always been affectionate and clingy towards you, but Vernon couldn’t seem to shake off his ire towards your best friend.

Eunwoo draped an arm around your shoulders as you all watched the sunset. “This view is amazing, right?” he told you.

“Absolutely,” you replied, leaning into him slightly. You caught Vernon's eye for a split second, but he looked away, pretending to be engrossed in his phone.

“Y/n, let’s go get refills,” Winwin suggested, pulling you away from Eunwoo. You laughed, giving Eunwoo a light shove as you followed Winwin to the cooler.

Vernon seized this moment and approached you both, hoping to finally get a word in. “Hey, need any help?” he asked, trying to keep his tone casual.

“Nah, we're good!” Winwin replied cheerfully, handing you the cans while you loaded them into the ice bucket. “Thanks though, man.”

You glanced briefly at him and smiled. Vernon clenched his jaw, forcing a smile. “Sure, anytime.”

He lingered for a moment, hoping Winwin would leave, but instead, Winwin started telling you a funny story about your high school days, making you laugh so hard you nearly spilled your drink.

Vernon could feel his patience wearing thin. Every time he tried to get close to you, someone else was already there, monopolizing your attention. He attempted to interject himself into your conversations, but it always felt forced and awkward.

Later, as everyone gathered around the bonfire, Vernon saw another opportunity. He moved to sit next to you, but Eunwoo beat him to it, practically pulling you into his lap.

“Hey, scoot over,” Vernon said, his voice tinged with frustration.

“There’s plenty of room,” Eunwoo replied cheerfully, oblivious to Vernon’s irritation.

Vernon sat down on the other side of you, but the moment was already spoiled. Jaehyun started playing the guitar, and everyone began to sing along, further distancing you from Vernon.

Finally, after what felt like the hundredth interruption, Vernon had had enough. He retreated to the edge of the campsite, crossing his arms and staring moodily into the darkness. His grumpy demeanor didn't go unnoticed.

Mingyu wandered over, a concerned look on his face. “You alright, man?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Vernon replied curtly.

“You don’t look fine,” Mingyu pointed out. “What’s up?”

Vernon sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just... hard to get a moment with her, you know?”

Unbeknownst to you, Mingyu knew about you and Vernon. No one told him, he just figured it out by himself on the very first night that Vernon slept in your house. They were roommates first before Vernon moved to Eunwoo’s room because Mingyu kept bringing Mina over. When Vernon didn’t come home that night, Mingyu knew something good had happened to him. After all, the very reason Vernon was willing to come to Azure Bay in the first place was you. 

Why would Vernon sacrifice a peaceful summer break spent with his family to join a group of friends that he barely knew in a state he had never been to before? It was all because of you. Mingyu knew about this little crush and decided to give his friend this one and only opportunity.

Mingyu glanced back at you, surrounded by your friends. “Yeah, she’s pretty popular,” he said with a chuckle. “Just give it time. We’re here all weekend.”

Vernon nodded, but his mood didn’t improve. He spent the rest of the evening brooding, feeling more and more isolated as the party continued without him. Every time he saw you laughing with someone else, it was like a punch to the gut. Today really wasn’t his day.

Eventually, you noticed the change in his mood. When the party died down and everyone retreated to their tents, you and Vernon were left in front of the bonfire. He was still looking grumpy, staring at the fire like it had done him a grave sin.

“Hey, you okay?” you asked softly when you approached him.

Vernon forced a smile. “Yeah, just needed some air.”

You looked unconvinced but didn’t push. “It’s getting cold. We shouldn’t stay out here for too long.”

“Right. Bye then,” he replied coldly, standing up at once and heading to one of the tents.

You froze on the spot, dumbfounded and bewildered at the attitude he was giving you. You told him that hoping he’d ask to be alone with you, then you’d invite him to your tent. Did he ignore you on purpose or was he really clueless about your cue? 

You decided not to pester him about it. Feeling hurt, you walked back into your own tent, got ready to sleep, and curled up under the sheets.

“The fuck was his problem?” you asked yourself, scowling deeply as you scrolled through your phone.

You were annoyed and deeply hurt. You even made sure not to share a tent with someone else because you thought you could be alone with him. Now, what’s the point?

“So annoying,” you muttered when you saw his Instagram story about the campsite.

You were just about to toss your phone away when you noticed something in his story. It was not just a picture of the lake. You were in it too. Initially, you thought the silhouette was of someone else’s. But you recognized yourself, and the bun sitting on top of your head all day.

Your face lit up with a smile that you couldn’t conceal. Whether it was on purpose or not, your heart fluttered seeing that on his page. As if on cue, a message from Vernon popped up on your screen.

Vernon: I was a dick. I’m sorry.

You sighed, turning on your back and typing a reply.

You: Was it easier to act like a dick than to tell me what was wrong? Vernon: I guess Vernon: Meet me outside?

You grinned, giddiness bubbling inside you.

You: Is outside better than here in my tent?

You waited for his response but about three minutes later, you heard his voice outside your tent. Excited, you rose to open up for him. Big eyes, a hood over his head, and a big gummy smile welcomed you.

“Is it okay to come in?” he asked before you could even say anything.

You giggled, unable to resist his cuteness. “Yeah. Come on in.”

“Are you sure? What if someone sees us?”

“Someone will if you keep standing there.”

Vernon comes in at once, leaving his shoes outside. Not wasting a second, Vernon pulled you into a tight hug.

“I've been waiting on you all day,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear.

“What do you mean? I was here the whole time.”

Vernon sighed, burying his face on the crook of your neck. “Should we just tell everyone? Watching guys hover around you like bees on a flower is not entertaining at all.”

You chuckled heartily. “My, my. Is Vernon being jealous right now?” you teased but when Vernon didn’t laugh or say anything to deflect you, you realized you were right. “Are you serious?”

He didn’t respond and just sighed against your skin. You shoved him a little, making him sit properly and face you.

“Vernon,” you prompted, stern.

“So what if I am?” he grumbled, scowling deeply. “These guys are all over you.”

You grinned, flattered. “They’re my friends.”

“I know. But I can’t help myself, can I?” he sighed, touching your face. “Everyone loves you, it was so hard to get your attention. I can’t even get a word in.”

“Aww,” you lilted, enamored by him. You touched his face too and kissed the tip of his nose. “We’re alone now. My attention is not going anywhere.”

He leaned in, capturing your lips in a slow, deliberate kiss that made your heart race. You responded eagerly, your hands tangling in his hair as you pressed closer to him.

There was no need to discuss anything. You just went with the flow, letting Vernon take you where he wanted to. He laid you down with care and gently kissed your lips. You touched his face, feeling the warmth of his skin and indulging yourself.

“Is this mine?” he whispered when you parted, making butterflies run wild in your belly.

Your brows furrowed slightly, confused but giddy at the same time. “What does that even mean?”

“I just want to know if it is.” He took the hand you were using to touch his face and then kissed it. “Mine.”

Then he leaned to kiss your cheek. “Mine.”

The puzzled look on your face remained. “Speak properly, Vernon.”

“It’s Hansol.”

“Huh?”

He kissed your hand again and placed it on his face. “I’m all yours, love. I’m surrendering myself to you. So please, it’s Hansol.”

“Hansol…” you echoed, voice trailing off when he ducked to kiss your neck. It didn’t take long for desire to cloud your mind. His touch was as good as it was the first time. No, actually, he got better the more you did it with him. It was as if he was studying you each time you let him touch you, and little by little, he was starting to memorize you.

His kisses went lower, and lower as he expertly undressed you. With each kiss, he said, ‘Mine’. Your neck, your collarbone, the space between your breasts, and the area above your belly button, your hip, your inner thighs— he marked all of it, calling them his.

“Tell me, y/n,” Vernon questioned, his voice deep and raspy. “Are you mine?”

“All yours,” you gasped, aching to be touched where he was refusing to touch you.

“All mine?”

“Yes, Hansol,” you replied, biting your lips. “All yours.” 

“Good girl.” You flinched when his nose pressed on your underwear, putting pressure on the sex underneath it. He kissed that too. “All mine.”

The nights you spent together became more frequent, each one blurring the line between physical attraction and emotional connection. As the days went on, you couldn't help but notice the little things about Vernon that made your heart flutter. The way he laughed, the way he looked at you when he thought you weren't paying attention, the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the world when you were together. You tried to remind yourself that this was supposed to be a no-strings-attached arrangement, but your heart was beginning to have other ideas.

Especially considering how things are going between you right now. After the hiking trip, Vernon told you he would stop resisting the urge to approach you, even with your friends present. You told him to do as he liked, finally allowing things to unfold naturally. It was a liberating decision, knowing you will no longer have to walk on eggshells and keep pretending Vernon is just another friend.

As the days passed, you and Vernon fell into a comfortable routine. Mornings often began with leisurely breakfasts at Jade’s house or on your patio, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee blending with the salty sea breeze. The group would often split up for various activities—some would go hiking along the coastal trails, some would prefer to shop or sight-see, while others, like you and Vernon, preferred the relaxation of the beach.

One night, after another secret rendezvous, you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and replaying every moment with Vernon. You hated the idea of temporary relationships, the kind that only lasted for a season and then fizzled out. But the thought of losing what you had with Vernon was starting to feel unbearable.

“Get it together, y/n,” you muttered to yourself, trying to push the feelings away. But deep down, you knew it was already too late. You were falling for him, and there was no turning back.

The next day, you went out with Vernon to go sightseeing. Wandering through narrow streets lined with quaint shops and cafes, you found yourselves in a small art gallery. The cool interior was a welcome respite from the heat, and you both wandered among the paintings, discussing your favorites and discovering new aspects of each other's personalities.

“I didn't know you were into abstract art,” Vernon said, stopping in front of a vibrant canvas.

You shrugged, smiling. “Oh, I’m not. I just like to stare at it like it’s a compelling puzzle.”

“A compelling puzzle?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” you grinned. “Whenever I see one, I try to decode any message or find the hidden figures. But visually, I wouldn't buy one and put it on display.”

He nodded thoughtfully, taking your hand as you moved to the next exhibit. The simple gesture of holding hands felt natural, and it sent a thrill through you every time.

Later, as you sat in a cozy café, sipping iced lattes and watching the world go by, Vernon brought up a topic that had been on your mind as well.

“I've been thinking about what you said, about not wanting this to be just a summer fling,” he began, stirring his drink absentmindedly. “And I think I agree. I’m still not sure what it would mean for us, though.”

You looked at him, grateful for his honesty. “It means being realistic about what we want and what we're willing to do to make it work.”

He reached across the table, taking your hand in his. “I'm willing to try if you are.”

You smiled, squeezing his hand. “One step at a time, Hansol.”

He grinned, a spark of determination in his eyes. “One step at a time.”

Back at the beach house, the evenings were filled with laughter and conversations as usual. Despite your efforts to keep things low-key, your friends began to notice the growing closeness between you and Vernon. 

As you sat around the bonfire, Adie couldn't help but tease you. “So y/n, Vernon seems to be spending a lot of time with you. Anything you want to tell us?”

You felt your cheeks flush and shot Vernon a quick glance. He smiled reassuringly but you didn’t know what it meant. So you responded with, “We're just enjoying each other's company. No need to make it a big deal.”

Your friends laughed and let the topic drop, but you could tell they weren't entirely convinced. As the night wore on, you found yourself snuggled up next to Vernon, the warmth of the fire and the comfort of his presence making you feel at ease.

Vernon offered to walk you home that night, ignoring the teasing from your friends. Hand in hand, you trekked the sidewalk while talking and laughing about random things. When you reached the house, you invited him inside, asking if he wanted to sleep over.

“Have I ever said no to that?” Vernon asked, the glimmer in his irresistibly beautiful.

“Alright. Come on in then,” you chuckled. 

When you entered the house, you found your mom’s designs on the floor again, making you feel nervous. She should be asleep by now, but judging by this, it looks like she’s pulling an all-nighter. You looked around to find her, and when you couldn’t, you assumed she had gone to sleep so you ushered Vernon in.

“Watch your step. These are Mom’s designs. She said she gets more efficient when she can compare and contrast her works like this. It looks like a mess, but it’s not all clutter,” you explained, treading carefully. “That’s just how she works.”

“I see. You take after her then,” Vernon chuckled, letting you guide him across the room to the staircase. 

“I get that all the time from family and friends,” you replied, reminiscing.

“If you don’t mind me asking, is your dad around? I haven’t really seen him.”

You were surprised by the question, but you didn’t mind answering it. “Oh, they’re not together anymore. They got divorced when I was fourteen.”

Vernon’s face dropped. “Sorry to hear that.”

“No, it’s okay. We’re not on bad terms. I see him sometimes when I visit him in France.”

“That’s far.”

“I know,” you chuckled as you reached for your bedroom door. Before you could open it, however, the door to your mom’s room opened, and she flicked the lights on instantly. “Mom!” you exclaimed.

Getting caught by your mother as you were bringing a guy home? Embarrassing. 

Your mother stared at you and Vernon for a minute before speaking. “Vernon, was it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She hummed in acknowledgment. “I guess everything’s going well between you, seeing how you’re walking in through the front door this time instead of the back.”

You gasped loudly. “Mom! How did you even know that?”

She just smiled coyly, not saying anything as she walked down the stairs to go back to her work.

“Does that mean she’s known the whole time?” Vernon asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

You sighed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief. “Apparently. Moms always know more than they let on.”

Vernon laughed softly as you entered your bedroom. “I think it went well, all things considered. She didn't seem mad or anything.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, walking over to your bed and sitting down. “She's pretty cool about stuff like this. I just didn't expect her to know about us sneaking around.”

Vernon sat beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “At least we don't have to hide anymore,” he said gently.

You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder. "Yeah, that's a relief."

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a moment, your head leaning on your chest as you listened to the sound of his heart and enjoyed the peace and quiet of your room.

“So,” he began, breaking the silence, “What do you want to do now?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Movie? We could watch something and just relax.”

Vernon grinned. “Sounds perfect.”

You stood up and went to your small collection of DVDs and streaming options, picking out a movie you both liked. Vernon made himself comfortable on your bed, and you joined him once the movie was ready to start. Snuggling up under the blankets, you hit play, and the room was soon filled with the familiar sounds of your favorite film.

As the movie played, you felt a sense of contentment wash over you. Vernon’s presence beside you was comforting, and you were grateful for the way things were unfolding. His hand found yours under the blanket, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. You smiled, squeezing back.

Halfway through, you felt yourself growing drowsy. Vernon’s arm around you was warm and secure, and you found it hard to keep your eyes open. Before you knew it, you had drifted off to sleep, the movie still playing softly in the background.

Vernon watched you for a moment, a fond smile on his face. He gently kissed your forehead before settling down beside you, pulling the blanket up to keep you both warm. As he drifted off to sleep, he felt a sense of contentment he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside your window. You blinked your eyes open, realizing you were still curled up next to Vernon. He was already awake, watching you with a soft smile.

“Morning,” you mumbled, stretching.

“Morning,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah, really well,” you said, sitting up and rubbing your eyes. “You?”

“Best sleep I’ve had in a while,” he admitted.

You smiled, feeling your heart swell with affection for him. “I’m glad.”

Today is an uneventful day, like most days. You have nothing planned and you intend to just lounge about all day. Vernon seemed to like the idea, so after driving your mom to the airport for a business trip, you ordered takeout breakfasts and went back to your house.

You laid out the food on the coffee table in the living room, and the two of you sat cross-legged on the floor, chatting softly as you ate.

"How's the croissant?" you asked, tearing off a piece of your own pastry and popping it into your mouth.

"It's amazing," Vernon replied with a grin, crumbs dusting the corner of his lips. "Want a bite?" He held out his half-eaten croissant, and you leaned forward to take a bite, savoring the buttery, flaky goodness.

"Delicious," you mumbled, your mouth full. He laughed, shaking his head affectionately.

After breakfast, you cleaned up together, moving in sync as you cleared the table and washed the dishes. The kitchen was filled with the sound of running water and the clinking of plates, but it felt peaceful, even meditative.

With the kitchen clean, you both moved to the living room. Vernon sprawled out on the couch, and you settled beside him, your head resting on his chest. He absently ran his fingers through your hair creating a soothing rhythm.

You reached for your book on the coffee table and Vernon grabbed his phone, each of you sinking into your own world. The living room was quiet except for the occasional sound of turning pages and the soft taps from Vernon's phone.

The silence was comfortable, the kind that envelops you like a warm blanket. You glanced up occasionally, stealing glances at Vernon, who seemed engrossed in whatever he was looking at. He'd sometimes smile at something on his screen, and you couldn't help but feel content seeing him so relaxed.

After a while, Vernon shifted, placing his phone down. "What are you reading?" he asked softly, not wanting to break the tranquility of the moment.

"Just something I should have finished reading a long time ago," you replied, showing him the cover. "It's pretty interesting."

"What's it about?" he asked, genuinely curious.

You gave him a brief summary, and he listened attentively, his eyes on you the whole time. "Sounds good. Maybe I'll borrow it when you're done," he said with a smile.

"Sure," you nodded, going back to your book while he picked up his phone again.

The afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting a warm glow over the room. Time seemed to slow down as you both lost yourselves in your respective activities, yet remained deeply aware of each other's presence. Strangely, it felt intimate, and you took it as a testament to how comfortable you'd become with each other.

As the afternoon turned into evening, you both decided to cook dinner together. You made pasta, working seamlessly as a team. Vernon chopped vegetables while you prepared the sauce, and soon the kitchen was filled with the delicious aroma of your meal.

Over dinner, you talked about everything and nothing, sharing stories and dreams, and simply enjoying each other's company. When the meal was over, you did the dishes together, laughing and chatting as you worked.

The night ended with you both lying on the hammock on the patio, swaying gently as you watched the stars overhead and listened to the sounds of nature—the birds calling, crickets humming in the early evening, and the waves pushing and pulling at the shore. Vernon held you close, and you felt his steady heartbeat under your cheek.

“Today was perfect,” you whispered, feeling a wave of happiness wash over you.

“It really was,” he agreed, kissing the top of your head. “Let's have more days like this.”

“Absolutely,” you murmured, feeling completely at peace. But then you remembered a crucial detail that made your heart sink. “But you’re leaving in two days.”

Vernon hummed, confused. “Already?”

“Yes.”

The month passed too quickly for your liking. Ironically, when your friends were planning their stay, you initially thought staying here for a whole month was too long for them. Now that the time is almost up, you realize it wasn’t that long after all. Your relationship with Vernon aside, you had loved every moment spent with your friends—the parties, the bonfire sessions, showing them around town, introducing them to your old friends, and all that. You realized how much stronger your bond with them has become and now you dreaded the inevitable.

You especially dreaded seeing Vernon leave. Although your beginning was quite unconventional in your opinion, it blossomed into something beautiful. You didn’t want to lose it just yet. Your emotions for each other might be strong now, but it doesn’t change the fact that you still haven’t officially decided on the status of your relationship. Vernon was vague about it, but you took it in stride because it was better than nothing at all.

“I’m gonna miss Azure Bay,” he said, tightening his hold on you.

“I’m sure you’ll be missed around here too,” you chimed, closing your eyes in an attempt to push your worries away.

“Should I stay a bit longer?” he suggested, looking at you so you opened your eyes. “Or should we go back together? We could spend the rest of the summer at my home.”

You just scoffed. “As if.”

“Come on. It’s gonna be fun. We have a farm. It’s quite impressive,” he added, feeling proud.

“You’re serious?” you asked, unconvinced.

“Of course I am!” he said, grinning toothily.

You pondered for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of his offer. If he’s serious, then doesn’t this mean your relationship is official? He’s not the type to casually bring every girl he’s seeing to meet his family, right?

“I’ll think about it.”

Vernon seemed pleased, poking your nose before kissing you. As you kissed under the fading light, you felt a mixture of emotions—excitement, fear, hope. Things had been uncertain for a while now, but it’s starting to look up for you. Despite your initial reservations, you were starting to believe that this could be more than just a summer romance.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore. You stretched and turned to find Vernon still asleep beside you, his face peaceful in the early morning light. You smiled, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you.

Determined to make the most of your remaining time together, you planned a surprise for Vernon. After breakfast, he had to go back to Jade’s house to take care of his belongings. While he was gone, you started working on your treat. You made sandwiches, drinks, and sliced fruits. Then you packed them securely, loading them in a picnic basket along with a large picnic mat. You included your book in the basket and a half-empty bottle of wine from your mom’s collection.

As soon as he returned from Jade’s, you grabbed his hand and led him down a hidden path that wound through the dunes, opening up to a secluded deck. With his help, you boarded a small boat, and he rowed you into the water while you guided him.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, pointing your phone’s camera at him.

“Honestly?” he asked, chuckling. “I think I might have a heart attack.”

You snorted, pretending to be unamused. “Don’t overreact, Hansol.”

Vernon chuckled heartily, his eyes wide with excitement. “I’m serious. I’m so excited that my heart can’t calm down.”

“Well, you’re in for a treat,” you told him, giggling.

You took pictures together, lots of them. While he rowed and enjoyed the majestic view, you captured his reactions and marveled at how beautiful he was in the pictures. But ultimately, no camera could ever give justice to how amazing he looked in real life.

“No way,” he exclaimed as you neared your destination. Rowing faster, he repeated. “No fucking way. Are you serious?”

You nodded proudly. “I am.”

The island sat idly, surrounded by clear blue waters. The sky was a canvas of soft blues and whites, with the sun casting a golden glow over everything. As you approached the dock, Vernon couldn’t contain his amazement, showering praises for the place and for you bringing him there.

“Technically, it was you who brought us here,” you smiled, watching him securely tie the boat to the dock.

“Wow, this is amazing,” Vernon said, his eyes lighting up as he took in the scene.

You smiled, feeling a sense of satisfaction at his reaction. “Come on.”

You set up the picnic, spreading the mat on a cozy spot under a shady tree. After snapping a few more pictures, you both settled down to eat. The sun made the water glimmer, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves around you. The sound of waves gently lapping against the shore also created a soothing backdrop. The sandwiches were simple but delicious, and the wine added a touch of elegance to the meal.

As you enjoyed the picnic, you talked about your hopes and dreams, sharing stories from your past and envisioning possibilities for the future. The more you talked, the more you realized how much you had in common and how much you enjoyed each other's company. 

After a while, Vernon lay back on the mat, pulling you down with him. You nestled into his side, resting your head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around you.

“This is perfect,” he murmured, his voice soft and content.

“I’m glad you liked it,” you replied, closing your eyes and savoring the moment.

Time seemed to slow down as you lay there, feeling completely at peace in each other’s presence. You didn’t need to say much; just being together was enough. The island, the picnic, the gentle rhythm of the waves – everything was just right.

You spent the day lounging on the mat, sometimes talking, other times just enjoying the comfortable silence too, where you just sat together, listening to the waves and feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin. Vernon occasionally played with your hair, his fingers gently untangling knots or just running through it. You read a book, leaning against his chest, while he scrolled through his phone, sharing funny memes or interesting articles he came across.

At one point, you fed each other pieces of fruit, laughing when you missed his mouth and he pretended to be mortally wounded. By 3 in the afternoon, the sun casted a beautiful golden hue over the island. You watched Vernon glow magnificently under this golden light, feeling an overwhelming sense of contentment. You knew that no matter where life took you, moments like these would always hold a special place in your heart.

“You should have brought that spearfishing thing you had in your shed,” he quipped after a while.

“Do you even know how to use it?”

“No,” he confessed, chuckling. “But it shouldn’t be so hard, right?”

“No clue. I didn’t like fishing so I wasn’t interested in knowing how it worked.”

“Oh. It wasn’t a good idea then.”

You huffed impatiently. “Yeah, it wasn’t. And even if one of us knew how to use it, I still wouldn’t bring it here. I would hate for this to be ruined by you running around trying to catch some fish instead of spending all your time with me.”

Vernon’s chest vibrated as he laughed, finding your cute aggression endearing. 

You pushed yourself up, sitting so you could look him in the face. “I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’m serious.”

Vernon shifted on his side, touching your chin with his fingers so he could look into your eyes. “Do you have any idea, the slightest clue, about how adorable you are?"

You smiled, your ire long forgotten as your heart swelled with affection. “You're just trying to sweet talk me again,” you replied before leaning in to kiss him gently. His lips were soft and warm, and the kiss deepened as he pulled you closer, his hand caressing your back.

Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against yours, both of you breathing in sync. “I love you,” he said softly, his voice full of sincerity.

Your heart picked up its pace, surprised and ecstatic because of his unexpected confession. You were right, after all. This is no longer a fleeting summer romance. You and Vernon have developed something more than just that. 

“I love you too,” you replied, feeling the truth of your words resonate deep within you.

He kissed you again, this time, more fervently. You moved to straddle him, your sundress spreading gracefully across his waist. Vernon sat up for a better position, his hand slipping under your dress and feeling up the smooth skin of your thigh. The more you kissed him, the crazier your head went. 

You let him touch you, kiss you, and undress you. His kisses trailed all the way to your breasts, and his hands expertly traced your every curve. At this point in time, you can finally say Vernon has successfully memorized you.

You kept grinding on his crotch, eager to satisfy the aching between your legs. “Why’d you have to wear those jeans?” you complained, frustrated by the rough fabric of his pants.

Vernon chuckled heartily, lifting your legs and gently pushing you off of him. “Whatever happened to decency and not doing scandalous acts in public?”  

You scoffed as he lay you down on the mat. “Would you like to stop here, then?”

“No. Absolutely not,” he replied, unbuckling his belt and dipping low to kiss you again.

As he brushed a strand of hair from your face, his fingertips lingered on your skin, leaving a trail of tingling sensation in their wake. It was a bribe, a gentle gesture to distract you while he tried to be one with you again– in body and soul.

An exclaim tore out of your mouth, surprised when his manhood slid through you completely. It wasn’t rough, nor was it painful, it was a cry of pleasure. Vernon shushed you, cooing at you as he began moving between your legs. It didn’t take long for you to get used to it. Your body has known him after all the nights you had spent together. You and Vernon have become a perfect pair, fitting perfectly with each other in every way as if it were by design.

“You look so beautiful right now,” he rasped, kissing the side of your mouth down to your neck. “You have no idea how much you drive me crazy.”

“Oh, Hansol,” you cried needily, not restraining your moans and confidently screaming his name. 

“Yes, love,” Vernon growled, his pace getting rougher the louder you got. “That’s my name. That’s my fucking name!”

Your breaths synchronized, a rough but steady rhythm that mirrored the beating of your heart. He moved closer as if you were not already joined together. The remaining space between you dissolved, replaced by a closeness that felt both comforting and exhilarating. Vernon's gaze softened, and he leaned in, his forehead resting gently against yours. The scent of him enveloped you, familiar and comforting.

“I love you,” he whispered as he continued ramming into you. 

The kiss that followed that confession made you delirious, completely overcome by passion and desire for Vernon. Every touch and every whisper of breath against your skin added to the mounting tension, a heady sensation of pleasure and anticipation. Your heart raced, each beat echoing the intensity of the moment.

You screamed his name, begged him not to stop, and moved with the rhythm of his body. You tugged and scratched and shamelessly bucked your hips to meet his. Until the high finally came crashing through. Time seemed to blur, and for a moment, the world was nothing but pure, unadulterated sensation. Every muscle in your body contracted and then relaxed. The feeling was overwhelming, a blissful explosion that left you breathless and trembling.

Vernon thrust a few more times into you before he too let out a guttural grunt and fell on your side, catching his breath with a content smile on his lips. You moved closer to him, nuzzling your face on his chest. Your mind floated in a sea of euphoria, your body pulsing with the aftershocks of the intense release.

“What if someone saw?” he quipped, playing with the ends of your hair.

You giggled. “People rarely come to this part of the bay.”

As the day came to a close, you packed up your things and got back into the boat. Vernon rowed you back to the mainland, both of you wrapped in a comfortable silence. Just as the sun was about to set, you found yourselves back on the beach, walking hand in hand along the shore. The sky was painted with brilliant hues of orange and pink, and the waves glowed with the last light of the day. It was at that moment, with the beauty of the sunset surrounding you, that you realized just how much Vernon meant to you.

It was a memorable day, forever etched in your memory. Even as you stood alone at the airport, watching the plane that was supposed to take you and Vernon to his home fly to the sky, the memories from that little island replayed in your head. That man who said he loved you has flown away, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart.

[To be continued in Part 2]

[fear-is-truth]

What if a girl from Kai’s pre-cult days encounters him and is so upset/heartbroken by the way he is now? crying and trying to reach out for him, get the old him to show🥺 Maybe they both used to have unspoken feelings for each other. Would he break down?

— ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ i know you , kai anderson x gn!reader.

𐙚 ݁TAGS ⨟ angst | mentions of murder | wc: 2k

somehow managed to get out 2k while waiting at the restaurant… fair warning: english is not my first language and this is not proofread (too lazy)

Winter’s eyes were distant as she cradled her mug, her blue-painted nails tapping anxiously against the ceramic. You had insisted on visiting, despite her gentle warnings. Her gaze softened as she studied your face,

“Just be prepared, okay? Kai’s...different now. He’s not the same person you remember from college.” You shifted in your seat, trying to dispel the nervous energy that had settled in your stomach.

“I know about his hair, I saw it on the news when he gave his speech,” you chirped, hoping to lighten the mood. You added with a forced smile, “I like blue, it’s my favourite colour.”

Winter winced, her grip tightening on her mug. “I’m not just talking about the hair,”

“Hey, I get it,” you replied, your tone more serious now. “People change, but I’m still curious to see him again after all these years.”

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approaching the living room pulled you out of your thoughts. Winter tensed visibly beside you, her knuckles white around the mug.

And then, he walked in.

Your breath caught in your throat as you took in his appearance—his electric blue hair fell in waves, framing his face with a cascade of vibrant hues. Judging by his physique, it was evident that he had spent considerable time at the gym; powerful muscles were hidden beneath the pristine, white tunic he wore.

But it wasn’t just his physical appearance that had changed – the new Kai oozed confidence, the way he carried himself with an air of assurance. He looked around, his gaze sweeping the room before landing on you.

“Kai,” Winter greeted her brother, her voice cautious. Kai’s gaze flickered over to Winter briefly before returning to you, his eyes narrowing slightly as if trying to place you. For a moment, you felt a pang of uncertainty. Would he even remember you after all this time? But then, to your relief, his eyes widened slightly in recognition.

“Y/n,” he said softly,

You glanced at Winter, who was watching the whole interaction with a guarded expression. Turning your attention back to Kai, you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth flood your cheeks. His intense gaze was remained fixed on you, and for a moment, you felt as though he could see right through you.

It was embarrassing how easily he could still make you blush after all these years.

“I know you’re probably super busy now,” you blurted out apologetically, the words tumbling over each other in your haste,

“but I just wanted to see you again. Been wondering how you've been doing, is all.”

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Kai’s lips, his eyes softening ever so slightly at your words. “I’ve been good,” he replied in a measured tone.

“And don’t worry about that. I always have time for you,” he continued, his words sending a flurry of butterflies dancing in your stomach.

“In fact, I was hoping we could catch up, privately.” Kai led you toward the basement stairs, gesturing for you to go ahead. As you descended, a wave of nostalgia washed over you. This was where the both of you – and sometimes Winter – had often spent your time. The man following you was both the Kai you knew and someone entirely new, and you were hell-bent on figuring out both sides.

He pointed to a small round table with two chairs opposite each other, illuminated by a vintage yellow glass lamp overhead. Sitting down, you faced him, your heart pounding in your chest. He smiled, resting his elbow on the table and raising his pinky. You immediately curled yours around his, familiar with the rules— Pinky to pinky, flesh to flesh.

“Now… tell me. What’s the thing that scares you the most?”

࣪࿐ྂ

Despite Winter’s warnings, you joined Kai’s cult. Her eyes were filled with a mix of sadness and fear when you insisted on becoming part of Kai’s movement.

Some nights, Kai would come home covered in blood that didn’t belong to him. You’d meet him at the door, your heart throbbing with concern and resignation. He never offered explanations, and you never asked for any. Wordlessly, you’d lead him to the bathroom, hands trembling as you helped him undress. He’d watch you work in silence, his expression unreadable, and then suddenly pull you into a kiss that was both desperate and possessive.

The sickly sweet taste of copper and the bitter tang of Adderall lingering on his tongue always made you feel sick.

When you were done erasing the evidence, Kai would take both your hands in his. His touch was gentle, reverent, as he kissed your knuckles, juxtaposing the violence you knew he was capable of. He needed you, and you needed him. The nights were spent tangled together in the same bed, his warmth enveloping you. You fell asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat, feeling safe, loved.

The news channels was a constant background hum, blaring with reports of horrific killings, the gruesome details seeping into your consciousness even as you tried to block them out. You’d sit on the couch with Kai, your head resting on his shoulder, his arm draped around you while Beverly detailed the latest atrocities.

Eventually, you did learned to tune it out, to focus on the man beside you rather than the masked murderer described on the screen. Still, it was impossible to erase the knowledge that he and his people were responsible for the killings. Each day, you turned a blind eye to the violence and bloodshed, convincing yourself that Kai was different, that his actions were justified in the pursuit of a greater cause. And so, you continued to clean away the evidence of his violence, silently complicit in his deeds. Choosing instead to focus on the moments of tenderness he bestowed upon you.

You told yourself that his affection was enough to justify your loyalty. To see only the man you loved and not the monster he was morphing into. The way he would brush your hair back from your face, his fingers lingering on your skin. The way he looked at you with a softness that made your heart simultaneously swell and wither. The way his lips brushed against your skin, whispering loving praises in your ear.

You clung to these moments, convincing yourself that the affection he showed was real, that it meant something.

Every night, your dreams were constantly plagued by images of clowns and death. Even though you weren’t present at the murders, the knowledge of the crime made you feel like an accomplice, twisting your subconscious into a nightmarish maze of guilt and fear.

You’d wake up in a cold sweat, only to find him curled up in bed next to you, his body warm against yours, a shield against the horrors outside (outside? maybe the true horror was inside the house, lying right next to you).

࣪࿐ྂ

A square of morning light filtered softly through the bathroom window as you stood behind Kai, combing through his shoulder-length electric blue hair. The brown roots were beginning to show, a painful reminder of the person he used to be. Kai was sitting on a small stool, his eyes closed as he relished the gentle tug of your fingers. As you carefully gathered his hair into a man bun, preparing him for his city council meeting later that day, you noticed his eyes watching you in the mirror.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked. You hesitated, the words caught in your throat. But as you looked into his eyes in the reflection, you saw the Kai you had always known, your Kai, the one you had fallen for all those years ago.

“I just... I worry about you, sometimes.”

you admitted, hands resting gently on his shoulders. Kai’s eyes softened as he reached up to take your hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“You don’t need to worry, lamb. I’m doing what needs to be done. For us, for our future.”

At this, tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision.

“But it’s not just about us, is it? It’s about the people out there, the lives that are being destroyed. I can’t ignore it anymore, Kai. I can’t pretend that everything is okay.”

Kai stood up from the stool, towering over you. The room seemed to shrink as he looked down at you, his eyes like bottomless tar pits.

“You know why I do what I do. This world needs change, and sometimes change requires sacrifice.”

Your heart ached as you looked into his eyes, seeing both the man you loved and the darkness that had taken root inside him.

“I love you, Kai. I always have. But the things you’re doing... they’re tearing me apart.”

His expression softened for a fleeting moment before he buried it under a veneer of indifference. But you caught it, that brief flicker of vulnerability, and it tore at your heart. With a choked sob, you reached out to him, your fingers trembling as they brushed his cheek.

“Please, Kai,” you begged, “Please don’t push me away. I don’t wanna lose more of you than I have already.”

Without a word, he closed the space between you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You buried your face in his chest, your tears ruining his suit. His touch was hesitant at first, as if he feared letting himself feel too much. But then, his grip tightened, and he held you closer. He rested his chin on top of your head, his breath warm against your hair.

“Don’t cry. I’m here,” he mumbled thickly into your hair, “I promise I’m still me, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only by your ragged breaths and occasional sniffles. Still clinging to him childishly, you pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes, searching for the man you loved. And then, you felt it – a single tear wept from his eye, landing on your cheek, warm against your skin.

let’s pretend this was in character bc i kinda wanted to delete this…

TAGLIST— @acidbrainstorm @evanpetersmybf @alittlesil @kaiandersonsdevotedwife @ellaaaaa44 @newwavesylviaplath @warrenlipkaswife @slvt4jamesmarch @kaismanwich @maddaline @evpeters87 @lacucarachapisser @howtobesasha @lissasharp @feefymo @mariposa-nova @nickrhodeslittledarling @bluerthanvelvet444 @r8ttenapples @nahoyasboyfriend @kai-slut @lak3cityqui3tpills @coentinim @doll3tt33 @taintandviolent @violet1737 @sukirosiac @slutforgarlogan @90sbr1descake @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re @k31sley @violet-harmon2011 @luuuuucyscorner @starry-eyed-wild-child @viscerati @colinzabelswife @cultw3b @babydollxxblood @evanpeterspeter @dangeroustaintedflawed

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[cobaltperun]

Genius (9) - Haven't Had Enough

Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader

Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part / Next Part

Word count: 3.1k

-Testing, testing, I'm just suggesting, you and I might just be the best thing-

The sound of some bird pecking at the tree near her window made Cairo groan as she turned in her bed and covered her head with the pillow. She thought she’d be used to different sounds wild animals made near her house, but no, she still occasionally woke up. Once upon a time she thought it had something to do with the fact that she lived alone, so sudden noises woke her up due to survival instinct or something. It was still annoying,

Well, she probably wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep again, so she pushed the pillow off her head and turned to lie on her back. She blinked and glanced to the side, to an empty side of the bed. She was yet to figure out if you were a morning person or not, but you definitely handled mornings better than she did, and though she was still sleepy, she smiled rolling over to your side of the bed and just took a deep breath. The two of you gave up your weekend getaway, but yesterday was still wonderful, and Cairo loved having you around. She grabbed her phone and quickly typed: ‘I’m awake, come and read?’ she sent to you, not yet ready to leave the comfort of her bed.

What she didn’t expect was for you to come in, acoustic guitar in hand. “Can I?” you asked, lifting the guitar up a bit as Cairo sat up, curious.

“Sure,” she told you, smiling a bit.

You sat at the foot of the bed, facing her with the guitar on your lap and though you were using a different guitar she recognized the melody of the song you played on your first date. Could she call it a date? Hanging out? The first time you were all alone in years and catching up.

She still didn’t know what the song was, even though she pestered you about it yesterday as well. You just smiled and refused to tell her.

“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,” you actually began singing and her eyes widened, she didn’t realize you could sing. You kept singing the song she has never heard before, though it did sound vaguely familiar. “I could stay lost in this moment forever, where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,” you looked at her so softly she nearly got up and kissed you right then and there.

She didn’t want to interrupt the song though.

“Don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep, 'cause I'd miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing,” she saw it in your eyes, the song was meant for her that day as much as it was meant for her right now and she just wished she realized it back then. “'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing,”

You kept singing and the words, the emotion you were putting into the song, the way you were looking at her, like she was the only one for you. Cairo tossed the blanket aside and crawled over to you, not interrupting you, just caressing your cheek slowly, hoping you could see just how much she loved you in her eyes.

“I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss, well, I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this,” you leaned to the side, kissing her open palm. “I just wanna hold you close, I feel your heart so close to mine, and just stay here in this moment, for all the rest of time,” you weren’t done, but she just had to kiss you.

Her lips met yours and she heard you putting the guitar next to you before she felt your hands on her sides, pulling her closer. She sat on your lap, her kiss deep, desperate, filled with longing for you once more despite kissing you just last night and she felt a shiver run down her spine as your thumb brushed against her cheek.

“Not a bad way to wake up?” you teased her lightly, still holding her close.

“The perfect way to wake up,” she sighed, kissing you once more.

~X~

You never thought anyone could have this kind of an effect on you, that anyone could make you this reliant on their presence in your life. Yet, here you were, parking your motorcycle in front of Cairo’s house first thing in the morning. You managed to somehow spend the last night apart, and you woke up to your phone ringing as if the world was ending.

Not that you minded, Cairo being possessive was probably something you should have expected. You took your helmet off and entered the house. “Cairo! I’m here!” you shouted at the top of your lungs, because damn this place was huge.

“Upstairs!” she yelled back, causing you to make your way to her room. You knocked, because why not and you could swear you heard her rolling her eyes.

“Come in,” she sounded amused as you opened the doors and stepped inside her room. “Hey,” she was still in her pajamas as she closed the distance between you and gave you a quick, soft kiss, the pure contrast with the hungry kiss from last night when you were leaving.

“Hi,” you smiled, still not used to being like this with her.

“Should I wear a skirt or shorts?” she whispered as her fingers crawled up from your waist to the back of your head. There it was, Cairo’s insatiability, her need to be loved, desired, yearned for.

“Tempting, but option C, jeans, tracksuit pants, whatever, you’re not getting on my motorcycle unless you’re dressed properly,” you pulled her closer to you as she jokingly pouted and then leaned her head on your shoulder.

“So cruel to your girlfriend,” she sighed, lamenting and cursing your cruelty toward her wardrobe.

“Mhm, so very cruel,” you agreed, pulling away from her and heading outside.

“How about you stay and watch me change?” Cairo called out.

“Tempting,” you laughed. “Did you eat anything?” you asked, already at the doors.

Cairo shook her head. “No, I dozed off after I called you,” she said with a hint of embarrassment in her voice, and that explained why she still wasn’t ready.

“I’ll go make you something,” you promised, and that was perhaps the best decision, as her stomach complained at that exact moment.

Cairo blushed and went to the bathroom while your laughter resounded through the house.

~X~

The two of you, and Winnie, came to the class, a few minutes earlier than necessary, but still later than Cairo and Winnie usually arrived. And it showed, as the damn man waiting in the classroom looked like he was abandoned until he saw Cairo walking in hand in hand with you. You noticed his back straightening when he saw your and Cairo’s hands still interlocked.

“Hello!” Winnie greeted him enthusiastically and dropped her things on her table.

“Good morning,” Cairo greeted him, though not as enthusiastically as Winnie and you just sort of nodded in his direction until Cairo nudged you with her elbow.

“Morning,” you grumbled, for you were whipped.

“Good morning,” he replied, his eyes still on Cairo’s hand.

“Oh, lovebirds got together, I think their hands might be stuck together,” Winnie laughed when she noticed Miller’s reaction. “They only share your class, so you’ll have to forgive them.”

“Right, of course, it’s not a problem,” it definitely was a problem, you could see it in his eyes, and you thought back to him being at Cairo’s place, at his reaction to you coming, as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t.

And you weren’t sure how you managed not to wrap your hand around Cairo’s waist and glare until the message not to try anything with her got across.

You still smiled when Cairo leaned in closer and got on her toes to kiss your cheek before you sat down at the table.

~X~

It’s intoxicating.

The sensations, the sounds, the smell, the taste, the view.

She was told to write what she knows, and now she knew all of those. The touch of your hand on her skin, the feel of your jacket, or your shirt underneath her palms. The sound of your voice, or the music you played for her. The smell of your perfume, the taste of your lips, of you, and the view, you in her room, playing a guitar as she wrote, that smile, that damn smile, innocent or not, that damn, intoxicating smile.

So, she wrote what she knew, inspired, consumed by passion and the need to write. Devoured by her thoughts replaying everything that happened. She tried to make it innocent, to replicate Henry Miller’s style without being explicit, yet in the end she couldn’t restrain the passion, she just, reigned it in, depicting the passion, but not the intimate act itself.

“Y/N,” she called out to you, momentarily stopping the sweet melody you were playing for her. “Could you read this?” she offered you her laptop as you raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, of course,” you were more than willing to read, you were just used to Cairo reading to you. Nonetheless, you sat down next to her and scrolled to the top of the essay, and she just watched you.

She watched the admiration in your eyes, the ease with which the words flowed into you from the page, and she knew she did a great job, just from that alone. She watched as you realized who the characters were, and she knew the exact moment you realized it. You read about the letter, and your eyes widened ever so slightly, but you didn’t stop reading, not even to look at her to check if you were correct in your assumption.

Cairo took notice of every small reaction you had, the way your fists and jaw clenched, your eyes narrowing in anger, and she knew which part caused those feelings as well. She watched you struggle to swallow as your free hand grasped the sheets of the bed the two of you were sitting on, you reached that part. “Damn,” you hissed, breathing in sharply and just for a moment you glanced at her, at the mischievous, yet proud grin on her face.

“Keep going, my madness,” she whispered, tilting your head to the side so you would keep reading. And then she just lied down, still watching your expression as you returned your attention to her essay. When you were done you set the laptop aside and sighed.

“Did you feel like this? Before I came on Friday?” you asked her and she adored you, out of all the parts, you chose to ask about that first.

“Mr. Murphy looked at Alice, loomed over her, making her feel as if she lost all control over the situation. It wasn’t meant for him, but he couldn’t know that, and Alice knew how alluring she looked, and she saw in his eyes the temptation he was about to give into. She dreaded it, now knowing she should have stopped his touches, innocent, supportive at the first glance, but she didn’t,” she recited, repeating the words she wrote in her essay and watching you as your face twisted into the image of fury, the anger directed at Miller threatening to consume you. And Cairo wondered if she should have read it to you. You memorized it now, entirely and without a single mistake, knowing exactly what she felt in the brief moments before you arrived, while she was all alone with Miller.

“I should have punched him,” you moved as if you were about to get up, to either pace the room, or go straight to Miller’s house and attack him. Or anything between those two options, and Cairo wanted none of that.

“Y/N,” she grabbed your hand and pulled you back, and though you didn’t immediately, or entirely comply with her demands, she still managed to pull you on top of her. “Focus on the good things. You came when I needed you,” she assured you, her forehead pressed against your own, your weight on top of her felt comforting, it felt close, it felt right.

“This is your assignment?” you asked, the anger in your voice fading as her hands roamed your back, and Cairo just nodded. “He won’t like this, Cairo,” you told her. “And it’s got nothing to do with how well you write, because you write amazingly well, it’s the implications.”

It wasn’t like she didn’t recognize that potential issue, but this was everything she promised to write. Written in the style of Henry Miller, unapologetic, something that would no doubt be censored, controversial, he agreed to it, knowing exactly what kind of writing Cairo was going to emulate. He knew, and he allowed it.

And if she, merely eighteen, just barely an adult, understood that she sent him signals she shouldn’t have, then he, old enough to be her father, should have understood the implications of her chosen writer.

~X~

The email she got the night she sent the essay caused her heart to skip a beat. It was short, simple, ‘meet me tomorrow after classes’ and she glanced at you, sleeping peacefully next to her. She wondered if she should tell you, if she should bring you along. That would mean waiting for her, since you finished earlier than her and tomorrow was Friday, so she really didn’t want to make you spend more time at school than you needed to. So, she stayed silent, hiding her anxiety at the brevity of the mail and what it could mean.

She was barely able to fall asleep, and only did so after you, while still asleep, moved to hold her closer. It wasn’t until she was fully wrapped up in your warmth that her own heart calmed down and she could fall asleep.

Tomorrow morning, she woke up the moment you moved away from her, before you even had the chance to get up. “Y/N,” she mumbled sleepily.

“Hey, sorry I woke you up,” you whispered apologetically, but she just grabbed your waist and pulled you back until she could tuck her head underneath your chin. “Cairo? Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Bad dream,” she lied, not yet ready to be without your warmth.

“It’ll be fine, it was just a dream,” you whispered, your fingers soothingly running through her hair.

She nodded, though she couldn’t shake off the bad feeling.

When she finished her final class and was about to head to Miller’s classroom, she was a nervous, anxious wreck even though both you and Winnie tried to get her to relax and calm down. She didn’t tell either of you what was going on, she just made-up different excuses she knew neither of you were buying.

She packed her things, made sure everything was there and got up from her seat. She nodded goodbye to the teacher and went outside, last, with no one waiting for her. And then she saw you and Winnie standing there.

“What are you-“ she just stood there, shocked.

“I figured it out,” you sighed, pushing away from the wall and taking her hand while Winnie went to her other side and put her arm around Cairo’s shoulder.

“Mr. Miller didn’t like your essay?” Winnie guessed.

“I don’t know. He asked me to meet him after classes today,” Cairo finally told you and Winnie, and despite the dread she felt, she felt calmed now that she no longer had to hide it.

“We’re going with you,” you left no room for argument.

“What the biker girl said, I’m sure it’ll be fine, but we’ll be there for you,” Winnie agreed.

And Cairo, she felt better. “Just stay in the hall,” just the fact that she had you and Winnie in the hall would be more than enough, and while you sighed, not liking that she would be alone in the classroom, you reluctantly agreed.

The doors of Miller’s classroom felt daunting, it felt like going into the lair of a wounded beast, and she wasn’t sure if she could do it if she didn’t know she wasn’t alone here. She knocked and came in, her eyes meeting his own, filled with fury.

“You asked me to come and see you,” she said as she closed the doors behind her.

“I did,” she watched as his jaw clenched and he tossed the papers, she guessed her essay to her desk, only for them to slide off to the floor. “What were you thinking?”

She crouched down to pick the essay up and when she looked up, he was already standing and was closing the distance between them until all that stood between them was the table and two chairs.

“I did your assignment, in the style of Henry Miller, as you agreed,” she didn’t allow her voice to show any signs of her feelings, she forced herself to sound confident, to defiantly look him in the eyes.

“You weren’t meant to write porn. Alice felt her innocence being stripped away from her by her lover, as aroused as she was, she felt no pain, only the deep desire and need radiating from both of them as she was taken, her body adjusting to the sensations of being full,” he repeated a section of her writing.

“I think it’s rather tame compared to Miller,” she defended her writing. “It’s erotic, pornography would have been much more explicit,” she said.

“Enough!” he slammed his palm on the table, and she flinched at the resounding force of the impact. “Not only is the writing inappropriate, you depicted me as a predator, as if I was about to fuck you whether you agreed to it or not!” he yelled. “And don’t even try to pretend it isn’t me, you and L/N, you wrote everything that happened, you-“

The doors slammed open, and Cairo turned around as you came in, quickly followed by Winnie.

“And you brought them here,” Miller turned away, shaking his head in disbelief. “Unbelievable,” he then turned around, pointed his finger at Cairo and with fury in his eyes said the words that made her feel nauseous. “I won’t even let you rewrite it, I’m failing you.”

A/N: Thoughts?

Taglist: @deimaisgail @bee-keeping @marvelous-disaster @jmwetterlund @tekanparadiae

@alexkolax @ioveyouyouloveme @aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh @autorasexy @lifeforsimp13

@puta1 @minnyyminny

[storyteller-trollfan]

Little something expanding on this idea.

One by one they started to notice.

A flinch here, a step away there.

Branch avoided touch as frequently as he could get away with.

The first to notice was Floyd.

While Floyd was recovering from the Mount Rageous fiasco he found himself reminiscing about the past.

Branch had been the cuddliest baby the brothers had ever met, always taking any opportunity to be cuddled or held by one of them. And Floyd had been his favorite to cuddle with.

Reminiscing gave way to longing and in his still tired and hurting self he found himself making Branch a request.

A cuddle, just like old times.

Had he been a bit more awake he would've noticed how Branch looked startled, insecure. But he wasn't, and with eyes half closed he watched Branch give a hesitant nod.

They laid in Branch's nest together for 5 minutes tops before Floyd took notice of how stiff Branch was, like he was ready to bold at a moments notice, his eyes were screwed shut and he almost looked in pain.

But before Floyd could ask if Branch was okay, JD's voice came from the hall, something about needing help to clean the critter he caught for dinner.

Branch muttered an apology and bolted to the door, leaving Floyd with more questions than answers.

Then Clay noticed.

One late afternoon after the Puff-puff trolls settled down in Pop village.

Clay had moved in with Branch, after so many years of hiding he felt more secure in the bunker than in a pod out in the open.

Plus, Branch had a wonderful selection of books in his personal library.

He has been browsing it while Branch sat at his desk pondering over a set of blueprints, he had told Clay that he was planning on expanding his food storage now that the bunker was housing more than one troll.

It hasn't been intentional, but Clay got curious about the project and tried to look over Branch's shoulder, putting a hand on the opposite side to keep his balance.

Branch shot up into the desk the moment Clay's hand made contact with his shoulder, hair tightly graphed around Clay's wrist.

For a second, Clay could see something wild in his brother's eyes, something he had only seen in trapped critters.

And the next Branch was falling over himself with apologies, hands gingerly holding his wrist up to see if there was any damage.

What had just happened?

Bruce was next.

Bruce always gave the best hugs. That was a fact of life and something all the brothers could agree on.

Baby Branch was the one who loved his hugs the most, loving to be in Bruce's arms as much as he was allowed.

And Bruce had loved it too, the baby's happy giggles often being the highlight of his day.

Now, on his most recent visit, he and Branch had been laying on the floor, browsing some old photo albums with the intention of chosing some to take back to Vacay Island for his family to see.

It was really a trip down memory lane, from pictures from his own days as an egg to those of the year he left. Each one giving him a new wave of nostalgia and longing.

One particular picture tugging extra hard on his heartstrings.

Freshly hatched Branch clinging to Bruce's neck as a smiling Bruce held him close.

It was titled "Baby Branch's first hug".

Bruce turned to comment about the memory to Branch when he noticed a small, fond smile in Branch's face and he found himself filled with an overwhelming urge to remind his baby brother of how much he loved him.

His arms were quicker than his mouth and they were around his brother before he could say a word.

And while his mouth was busy with a retelling of that first day of Branch's life his mind couldn't help but take notice of the tense shoulders and the rigid body in his arms.

He's tempted to ask, to use his dad voice to hopefully get an answer out of the clamped up troll beside him. But instead he drops the hug and takes to distracting and redirecting Branch with more stories.

The questions could wait.

And John Dory was last, but not really.

He had noticed from the beginning, but he refused to believe it.

Refused to believe that his littlest baby brother had gone through enough to be weary of touch.

Because John knew what it took to get like that.

But he couldn't refuse the truth any longer, not after his own scripted movements and touches still made Branch jump.

He made sure to keep his touch as quick and non invasive as possible but even those made Branch flinch most of the time.

It was time for them all to really talk.

To learn what those 20 years had made of all of them, and how could they help each other to heal from the damage.

It was time for JD to be their big brother again.

Time for then to be a family again.

[halcyonfawn]

the meaning behind "face the raven" theme in "wild blue yonder" and more

a continuation of this post. i need to talk about this otherwise i'll explode.

some people have also said that this theme is playing in "last christmas" and "hell bent" (thank you for pointing that out, i'm going to die) which makes it all even worse (better). therefore, this post is, more or less, destined to turn into capaldi's era brainrot. but not all of it, i promise.

you've been warned.

first of all, allow me to refresh your memory. let's look into the context of the scenes where we heard this music theme before.

"last christmas"

according to series 8 official soundtrack, this theme is a part of "every christmas is last christmas" and is heard quite clearly two times. they're both important scenes for the doctor and clara.

too late.

a moment full of regrets and nostalgia. the doctor thinking he's lost clara again, wishing he would have come back sooner. clara reminicing her life without the doctor in it.

"so no one matched up to danny, eh?" "there was one other man, but that would never have worked out." "why not?" "he was impossible."

it is (heavily) implied that "one other man" is the doctor. does the doctor himself realise that she's talking about him? open for interpretation. but what this small exchange truly does is showing a game of saying something without actually saying it.

"can you really see no difference in me?" "clara oswald, you will never look any different to me."

yet another way of dancing around words. there's something special and touching about this last line. it is sort of a confession of unconditional love. but the word itself - love - is never spoken out loud.

then again, twelfth might be face blind.

second chances.

now, this scene is a complete opposite of the one mentioned above. it's full of hope, anticipation, happiness. a beginning of a new arc. he is given a second chance and he takes it. the doctor asks clara to run away with him once again. and she says "yes" without hesitation, takes his hand, kisses him on the cheek.

conclusion? these two scenes are focused entirely on the doctor and clara's relationship. it is there to show their strong connection, how much they mean to one another. utter devastation at the thought of their time ending and the absolute joy of reuniting after being separated. a chance at a happy ending. which also makes the music that plays on the background their theme.

"face the raven"

"every christmas is last christmas" is now turned into "face the raven" and is asocciated with clara's death. it also makes the previous name even more heartwrenching since last christmas was literally clara and doctor's last hurrah. we can hear this piece of music appear in two scenes as well.

clara's monologue about facing the raven.

"if danny pink can do it so can i. die right. die like i mean it, face the raven. maybe this is what i wanted. maybe this is it. maybe this is why i kept running. maybe this is why i kept taking all those stupid risks, kept pushing it."

she's accepting her fate and aknowleges her recklesness all the way throught the season 9. it was meant to be. there wasn't enough space for two doctors in the tardis.

"i let you get reckless" "why? why shouldn't i be reckless? you're reckless all the bloody time! why can't i be like you?" "clara, there's nothing special about me. i'm nothing but less breakable than you. i should've taken care of you."

this scene is also about how a human life can be so very short compared to the time lord's and how easily it can end. it's fragile. and it's the doctor's curse: bearing the pain of losing his loved ones.

clara meeting her fate.

as she approaches the raven, ever so brave, the doctor watches her. he hears clara scream, then witness her collapsing onto the ground. it is extremely painful, but this is, i repeat, the doctor's curse: watching his companions leave. there's no use in running away from that pain, it haunts him every step of the way.

"hell bent"

next time, "face the raven" theme can be heard during the memory wipe sequence. there is no name given for the background music in this particular moment, but it's quite obvious it represents loss and... letting go?

the doctor is about to make clara forget their time together (does that ring a bell, anyone?).

it is worth pointing out that the music becomes the loudest at the exact moment the doctor says:

"look how far i went for fear of losing you. this has to stop. one of us has to go."

it is the culmination of their relationship. companions that push each other to extremes. together they might destroy the whole universe in order to keep each other safe. there's no other way but to separate. they've formed such a strong connection than one is ought to forget the other.

even though at first the doctor is determined to wipe clara's memories, he then admits she is right: it is unfair to take away all that wonderful time they had from her. so he gives her a choice. or, more like, an offer to play a russian roulette. it's either you or me. i'm not going to press that button. we will do this together.

to summarise: all of these moments featured a strong connection between clara and the doctor. it also tells us a story about how hard it is to lose someone you care about deeply, especially for the doctor.

how is it all connected to the doctor and donna?

memory wipe

the doctor has to make donna and clara forget about him in order to keep them safe. expect that he doesn't give donna a choice, wiping her memory almost instantly, without saying a proper goodbye to her. obviously, he didn't have enough time to think of a better way to solve the problem since donna wouldn't have lasted long. however, it is still a decision he regrets making.

from "the star beast":

"i'm so glad you're back, donna. it killed me, it killed me, it killed me."

if we take a look at clara's situation, it's a bit different. i've already mentioned it above: at first, the doctor wants to do the same thing to clara that he did to donna. make her forget. expect, this time he is confronted for doing so (even threatened, at some point).

"these have been the best years of my life and they're mine."

i think this line triggers something in the doctor. because this is when he realises that this is not the right thing to do. not exactly. he'd already done it once and he regretted it. so this time, he offers a slightly different solution. someone still has to forget, but they'll press that button together. it's a mutual choice.

now, i know it's not entirely related to the dialogue in "wild blue yonder", but i think it's worth mentioning that donna and clara's stories are somewhat similar. i'm sure it's been said before, but it's still important.

donna's story was incomplete because she wasn't given a choice. now, that she remembers, 14th doctor makes sure their time together is worth-while. a second chance just like in "last christams".

too alike

another similarity between these two stories is that clara and donna are not entirely humans. not anymore.

donna's half timelord. even though her head is still not big enough to fit all the doctor's memories, she still has a part of the doctor in her.

clara's frozen in time, that makes her practically immortal. she risks her life, she reverses the polarity of the neuroblock, she gets her own tardis, she's even reffered to as "clara who" at the end of "hell bent". she has become the doctor in a sense.

but there can only be one doctor. so where's the story heading to at this point, i wonder? but we'll come back to this question later.

"but what really happened?"

before i say anything, it is obvious that the doctor's silence before and after he says "a lot" is him reminicing all that'd happened to him during the 11th, 12th and 13th reincarnations. all of the loss and pain he went through.

but why "face the raven" theme of all things? it could be a general theme of grief/nostalgia/painful memories, nothing else implied.

but please let me be delusional for a bit longer!

just as that scene in "hell bent" brought the doctor back to the moment he made donna forget him, could it be that bringing back his best friend's memories in a whole universe that "he absolutely loves", also reminded him of another important person in his life with similar story? just like "hell bent" mirrored "the journey's end", "wild blue younder" gave us a reference to "hell bent".

this is where we get back to the question about the current story direction.

foreshadowing?

donna's story is not over. and there are a lot of possibilities how it can end.

say, there is a connection to clara's story here, i wonder if that's where the plot's heading. in one of the trailers, the doctor does say "i'm not sure if i can save you this time" to donna. and it worries me. then again, maybe they're just tricking us into thinking something bad will happen (oh the drama).

i'd say it's unlikely donna's going to die because that would be absolutely devastating after just bringing her back. at the very least, the ending wouldn't be completely "happily ever after". perhaps, sacrifices will be made in order to prevent something truly horrible from happening.

why did this face come back?

in "the girl who died" twelfth doctor finally realises why he got his face. it is a call-back to "the fires of pompei" (don't even get me started on its being the episode with 10th and donna).

the message the doctor was giving to himself turned out to be:

"i'm the doctor and i save people!"

but what is 14th trying to tell himself?

i think it's about donna and more.

he's fixing his mistake of erasing her memories and depriving her of the right to remember amazing things that'd happened to her.

it's a reminder to actually tell people how much they mean to him. as we can see, 14th's more open with his feelings and constantly shows signs of affection towards his loved ones, even breaking the "never say i love you" rule.

it's about being honest and open with people because they deserve to hear it from him and he deserves to hear it back. because "things happen and then it's too late".

again, take 12th doctor, for instance. he constantly represses his feelings. but in my humble opinion, the reason why he's changed by season 10 was clara. she pulled him out of the dark place. and even though her death almost threw him back to that state again, he is still a better man by season 10.

but there were things left unsaid. love and care were always there but it was never said out loud. kind of the same thing happened with 13th.

i strongly believe that donna is that person for 14th. they're best friends who love each other deeply. and after the doctor lost her and got a second chance to fix everything, he does, he's being affectione. he's finally open with his feelings.

conslusion: why did you make us read all fo this?

to answer the question in the title: it's all tied with how memories are important and priceless, fixing past mistakes, moving on and learning to treasure every moment with people you care about like it's your last.

it can also be a foreshadowing for something terrible, but i choose to hope for the better.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

aaaand that is the end of my doctor who rant. thank you for getting this far, if you did!

my feelings about all of this can be described with this one meme: