#what's the point in holding onto mistrust at this point when all she can do is hold onto loki

[henrenologist]

so because i rewatched s3/4 recently, when Hen is struggling with having to give Nia back to her mother, she says "we were supposed to have her for 2 months it's been a year" so i think it's not that they weren't told that Nia would go back to her biological mother, but they got attached to her (obviously 🥺) and maybe because she stayed with them for so long they assumed her mother wouldn't want her back or couldn't have her back? tbh it's still a bit.. that whole thing with Hen Refusing to give the child back. and picking a fight with Karen about it. always annoys me. it's the Angst and Drama show tho, so it's like of course there's gonna be Angst and Drama lmao

for one thing, yeah the bond she'd formed with nia made her irrational and angry when the time came to give her back, especially after she and karen had built themselves up with the expectation that they'd become a permanent placement for nia (although im not entirely sure where they got that idea from, beside the length of time they'd had her; the foster agency in 911verse is a nightmare at communication, evidently).

i think the extent of her frustrations can also be explained by hen's issues with loyalty. she's loyal to a fault. sorry im gonna use this ask as an excuse for meta posting:

eva. she didnt get closure when eva was arrested. so even after building a life with karen, hen still felt indebted to her ("i feel like i owe it to her," she says, ostensibly because eva "didn't fight us when we wanted to adopt denny" [ignoring the canon discrepancy regarding the circumstances of denny's adoption] but there's a deeper commitment there to eva). she wants to see the best in eva, and after having committed herself to helping eva for so long, i think that explains why she was still loyal to eva--one of the factors that contributed to her cheating.

chim. "You get to forgive and move on--I get to hold a grudge until I die." so we're all aware of how loyal hen is to chim, but it's important to note when that loyalty got in the way of their relationship. toward the end of s6, hen's frustration with maddie and doubts about chim's proposal was, imo, a little forced on the writers (in being shoehorned conflict) but not baseless. her loyalty is to chim first and foremost, and that loyalty twisted into an unfounded frustration with maddie for perceived "wrongs"--especially as hen was watching chim squirm over the issue of proposing himself.

s7 drunk driver. hen was angry with the rest of the team when they didn't lay down their unconditional trust in her judgement of the drunk driver. logically, hen might recognize that as professionals, it's right for them to have (1) a healthy amount of skepticism and (2) base their judgement on what they have seen for themselves. they hadn't seen and smelled what hen had, but understood that emotions were running high, and thus approached hen's situation with sympathy and measured trust in her assessment. but hen is upset regardless. she says, feeling that they dont have her back, "if the roles were reversed, I'd find a way to have your backs, and I wouldn't have to lie to do it." she's projecting her sense of loyalty onto the team, frustrated that they're not as apparently unconditionally devoted.

so. nia. hen developed an unconditional love for nia in that time that, naturally, translated to undying loyalty. but as demonstrated, her degree of loyalty can translate into misguided skepticism--and harm, at worst.

and hen's listening to nia "damn near crying her eyes out" over it all. nia's cries are haunting her. she's misguided trying to fight the source of nia's pain (and her own pain). she's seeing this whole situation as a threat to nia's well-being and identifying points of harm where there aren't necessarily any.

she's gravely concerned over what nia's mother did to lose custody in the first place, mistrustful of the positive judgement that deidra's giving them, mistrustful of the agency's assurances that nia will be cared for, and wanting to see the proof for herself that evangeline can care for nia.

it's only after seeing evangeline for herself, with assurances from karen on her capacity to care for nia, that hen can let go of her frustrations with evangeline, deidra, and karen. (just like how after talking to maddie she let go of her hesitancy around chim proposing. just like how seeing the team show up for her with the cruise ship disaster let her stop questioning their loyalty)

i'm not personally annoyed or frustrated with hen in the nia situation. i can't imagine never knowing the fate of your once-daughter and i'm not surprised hen wants to see the proof for herself. i think her desire to fight for nia was an expression of grief more than anything. her loyalty, maternity, and grief are all activated as opposed to the logic we usually see hen depend on.

it's like the call where hen continued cpr on a mother for 12 minutes. her devotion inhibits her from letting go. which was a lucky thing for that mother, but it's not always such a blessing for the people in hen's life.

[im-writing-extra]

y’all I am having way too much fun writing this. and I am genuinely excited about the interactions I’ve been having because of this series. pls keep telling me your thoughts and if you have any feedback at all!! 🥹🫶

table of contents

chapter 3 - if you go i’m going too

Ja-Leri doesn’t say much more the entire hike despite your efforts to get more details. Mass insanity is not terribly uncommon among clandestine species, particularly those that are not evolved to spend prolonged time underground.

But something’s wrong here.

There’s not much of a welcome when you enter Colony Six, but the community’s reaction can only be described as relief. Jedi on assignment are often met with apprehension, mistrust, and downright malice; this is a welcome change.

Snow begins to drift from the sky and cover the ground in a thin dust. You see Yord stifle a shiver and slip him a heat pack. 

Ja-Leri leads you to standard housing, a long building with at least twenty doors. You follow her to the very last one, where she points to the keypad.

“Code is 3341,” she says. “I’m the one that sets them, so I’m the only one that knows it. There’s a deadbolt on the inside. Everyone’s been using them these days. I’ll be back at first light to lead you to the mines.”

You say, “Thank you,” but she’s already gone. You shrug your pack off your shoulders and onto the floor. Yord is already unpacking onto the small dresser in the room. 

“Only one bed,” he says, nodding to center of the room. “Please don’t kick me this time.”

You flop down onto the center, arms outstretched. “No promises.”

Yord sighs in mock exasperation. This isn’t the first time you’ve had to share a bed, and thankfully it’s large enough for two people. He says, “Move over,” so you scoot to the left side. Yord lays down next to you and stares at the ceiling.

“We should contact the Council,” he says.

“Why?” you ask. “Nothing’s happened yet.”

Yord cranes his neck to look at you. “The Jelucani deliberately withheld information to get us here. What if it’s a plot of some kind?”

You take a moment to consider. He’s not wrong. This entire thing has seemed strange from the moment you landed. And you’re not trying to be paranoid, but even the Force seems strange.

“It’s dark here,” you comment, and Yord understands.

He says, “I feel it too,” and you’re both silent.

“I’m not scared,” you say, but your grip on Yord’s hand says otherwise.

“We’re together. It’ll be fine,” he says, sitting up. “Come on. You can use the fresher while I notify the Council and see if our instructions change.”

You sit up too and wrinkle your nose. “Are you saying I’m smelly?”

“Yes,” Yord deadpans, and you laugh.

“Fine. But you’re next. You have dirt on your face.”

Yord swipes at an imaginary smudge, making you laugh again as you head into the fresher.

—

You’re awoken by a scream. 

Yord sits bolt-upright in bed, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath.

“Hey,” you say, alarmed, “are you all right?”

He turns to look at you, and you’re startled by the haunted look in his eyes.

“You’re okay,” he finally says.

You give him an odd look. “Yes I’m okay, are you? I’m not the one who woke up screaming.”

Yord reaches to touch the end of your hair. “You’re okay,” he repeats, as if he can’t quite believe it.

“Yord,” you say as you grab his wrist, “you’re scaring me. I’m okay. I’m asking if you’re all right or if I need to call someone.”

That seems to shake him out of whatever shock he’s in. “Yes, I’m all right. I just- I had a nightmare.”

You softly ask, “Do you want to talk about it?” and Yord says, “You died.”

Oh.

You take a breath. “Well. That’s going to happen one way or another. I am one with the Force, Yord. It will just be in another form.”

Yord nods. He knows this, has been taught this since he was a youngling just like you.

“Was it bad?” you ask after a beat.

You’re still holding his wrist.

“No,” Yord whispers, but he’s lying. He wouldn’t wake up screaming if it weren’t bad and anyway, he’s a terrible liar.

But you won’t question him so instead you lay down and tell him to go back to sleep. You wrap one arm around him and he sighs. It’s a long day ahead, and you need to be rested.

—

Ja-Leri knocks on the door moments after you and Yord finish getting ready.

“Let’s go,” she says.”

Colony Six has already woken up, but people just mill about; no one seems to be headed to the mines.

“They’re afraid,” she says, as if reading your mind.

Gray faces stare at your little trio as you pass. Each species that has settled here has evolved to blend in with the mountains. Or maybe they’re stained from fogstone dust or it’s from the climate but whatever the case, it only adds to their ghostly appearance. Hardly an eye is free from that same haunted look you saw in Yord’s eye last night.

“You said some of the children have nightmares, and the adults have gone insane,” Yord prompts.

Ja-Leri shakes her head. “We all have nightmares. It’s expected, but the children- they haven’t been to the mines. We don’t know why they’re affected. But it’s always the same. Graphic visions of death, of things that they shouldn’t even know. It can take hours to convince them it wasn’t real and even then, I don’t think they believe it.”

You glance at Yord. That has to be what happened to him.

“That just sounds like a normal bad dream,” he says. “Not enough reason to request Jedi presence.”

“It isn’t normal,” Ja-Leri retorts. 

She’s getting agitated, but Yord won’t let up. “You say that, but we have yet to see signs of insanity. Your dreams sound like dreams. And what makes you think there’s something in the mines, or that the Jedi can do something about it?”

Ja-Leri glares at him. “Half the children in town had the same dream of their parents melting right in front of them. Almost all of them have been able to describe dreams where they are crushed by rocks in horrible detail. And I have yet to hear of a child who hasn’t dreamt of watching the town get eaten by monsters. They all describe it being dark and smelling like sulfur. We take care of our children hear. They shouldn’t even have a frame of reference for this and yet they’ve seen it. They can’t not see it.”

Yord meets her gaze. “I understand. Thank you for clarifying.”

That seems to quell Ja-Leri as she continues the path out of the colony.

Ja-Leri is the leader of Colony Six. Each Jelucani colony has their own way of choosing representatives, some through bloodlines, some through rotation, and some through election. She’s young to have such a responsibility on her shoulders, but she holds her head with stubborn pride.

Colony Six elects leaders through public forum, with no set term. If the forum decides the term is up, it’s up.

“How did you become the leader of Colony Six?” you ask in an effort to retain the peace.

Ja-Leri shrugs. “I know how to read and I’m good at keeping the peace. Have been since I was a kid. No one around here is vying for leadership, we’d all just rather follow instructions. But I suppose that makes things easier, in a way. Don’t have to worry about being assassinated. And anyway, I get claustrophobic.”

You smile. “You’re a first-waver, aren’t you? Do you find it difficult having to be with second-wavers all the time?”

She shakes her head. “No,” she replies. “They’re not all bad. Some of them… anyway, the younger ones don’t have the same prejudice our parents have.”

You raise an eyebrow. You’d bet every credit you have that she’s in love with some second-wave official. You don’t need a Jedi mind-trick to figure that out.

You continue the rest of the hike in relative silence. It’s started snowing again but not heavily enough to deter you.

Finally, you’re at a large cave with a yawning mouth.

“Here you are,” Ja-Leri says. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

“You’re not coming?” you ask.

Ja-Leri smiles, but it’s without mirth. “You couldn’t pay me enough credits to go in on a good day,” she says, and then she’s gone.

You turn back to Yord. “Well. Are you ready?”

Yord sniffs. “I am a Jedi Knight. Of course I am.”

“Lighten up, Yord,” you groan but secretly you’re glad. You’ve had a horrible feeling that’s only grown in strength the closer you get to the cave. Yord’s stiff nature brings a sense of familiarity. It’s reassuring.

You turn on your light and head into the cave.

There are colored, bioluminescent lines in the floor; each denoting a different path. 

Yord points, “That one,” and you begin following a violet path deep into the heart of the mine.

The dirt twists, widens, and narrows as you walk down, down, down. Rocks jut out of the ground and ceiling, and you have to duck to avoid scraping your head.

“It feels wrong,” Yord says, quietly as if not to disturb something. “It feels like we’re being watched.”

He’s right. But before you can say anything, a strange noise catches your attention.

“Can you hear that?” you whisper to Yord. He tilts his head ever so slightly toward yours to better hear.

“Hear what?” he whispers back.

You strain for a moment, just to make sure your ears don’t deceive you. 

Once you’re sure, you whisper, “Music.” There is the faintest thread of a melody coming from deep within the mines.

Yord says, “I don’t hear anything,” but you aren’t paying attention. Instead, slip away from his side and down the path. 

“Wait,” Yord hisses, but you’re mesmerized by the sound. You stop only when he calls your name.

Yord catches up with you and grabs your arm. “What’s wrong?” he says. “We need to stick together. Things don’t feel right in here. We could get lost far too easily.”

You wriggle out of his grip and grab his hand instead. “Yord,” you say, “it sounds like kyber. I swear to you it’s the same melody I heard on Ilum but higher-pitched, maybe? Or more of a harmony? But I’d recognize that sound anywhere.”

Yord stares at you. “You already have a lightsaber. Why would a crystal be calling out to you?”

“I don’t know,” you say. “But I think I’m supposed to follow it. I haven’t felt this way since I was a youngling. But-” you hesitate. You know it’s the right path but you also can’t help but know that it leads to indescribable evil.

“It’s a vergence,” Yord says before you can articulate exactly what you’re thinking.

“I’m an idiot,” you say by way of reply. Of course. It has all the signs.

“You’re not. I’m just smarter,” Yord says matter-of-factly. You punch his arm.

“It’s definitely corrupted,” you say, looking around the mine in a new light. “What do we do? Should we go back and call the Council?”

Yord is quiet, considering as he stares down the dark path. “No,” he says. “We go forward. We are two trained Jedi Knights. We’ll notify the Council once we’ve explored further. And besides-” he looks at you. “You believe we should proceed. I trust your connection with the Force.”

You meet his gaze, expression serious. “I do. But Yord- it’s going to be bad. I don’t know how, but it- there’s something horrible down there.”

Yord asks, “So what are you going to do about it?” but it’s a challenge.

I am one with the Force.

You reach out to touch the cave wall. Eyes closed, you breathe deeply.

I am one with the Force.

You feel energy pulsing through the rock. You feel the heartbeat of a family of Jelu-bats. A mushroom pushing through the dirt. A kyber crystal vibrating, calling you. Yord’s sharp inhale.

You exhale.

I am one with the Force.

“Good?” he asks.

“Good,” you reply. You’re overcome with a wave of intensity, knowing whatever lies ahead- you won’t come out unscathed.

“Good,” he says decisively. Yord ignites his lightsaber in a smooth whoosh, then half turns, beckoning you into the heart of the mine.

next chapter

[airplanned]

WIP Wednesday

My motivation has been in the gutter for a long while now. So I have made the decision that for the rest of the year, I'm only going to work on what I want to work on, when I feel motivated to do so.

With that in mind, here's the start of a One Piece one shot!

1.

Luffy has taken jumping onto people. 

Nami and Usopp can't take his weight (which honestly isn't that much, and some push ups wouldn't hurt either of them), and they tend to squawk on impact, their knees nearly buckling as they stumble to right themselves. Nami will shove him off until he's just hugging around her neck, and then she leaves him to rub his head against hers like a cat while she continues with whatever she was doing. Usopp will laugh when he recovers from his surprise and hook his arms under Luffy's legs and try to shift the weight with several hopping hefts until it's more comfortable. It never gets comfortable, and it never lasts long before Usopp sets him down.

Luffy will shout Zoro's name and leap from the rigging and land on Zoro's back, and (unlike Usopp) Zoro won't shriek and crumple to his knees.  Instead, he'll carry his captain around like a backpack until Luffy finds something better to do.  Again, Luffy's not heavy, and Zoro can still go about his business without any problems unless one of the arms wrapped around his head slips down to cover his eyes.  

Zoro's strong.  He isn't gonna complain and make people think his injuries are bothering him.  Because they aren't. (Fuck off.)

He's not going to tell Luffy he can't do something that's not hurting anybody and not bothering him.

Also Zoro's kind of curious how long Luffy will stay there.  How long he can carry him.  He kinda makes a game of it, seeing if Luffy can beat his previous record.  One day he carries Luffy around the whole afternoon, then when it's dinner time, the waiter snipes them like he's somebody's mom that they can't sit down to a meal like that.

"We can do what we want," Zoro says, kicking his chair around to sit in it backwards at the table.

"Yeah, we're pirates!" Luffy says, stretching out an arm to grab his plate from the table and hold it over Zoro's shoulder.  "I bet we can do this all day!  A whole twenty-four hours!  Right, Zoro?"

Zoro raises that bet to "Thirty-six," and holds up a fist.  Luffy knocks his own fist against it in agreement.

The waiter's face does that thing.  That twitchy thing where it looks like behind his eyes, he's gotten so confused that something's short circuited and he's reset back to his base state of stupid bemusement.  "He's...going to get crumbs in your hair?"

Luffy's wet and noisy chewing very close to Zoro's ear goes suspiciously silent.  A hand brushes at the back of his head.

So, okay, yeah, that's a good point.  But it's a point the waiter has made.  So Zoro glares at him and snaps, "My hair's none of your business."

Before the waiter can reply, Nami lets out a disgusted, "Ugh."

That's the most he and Nami have spoken to each other today.  Zoro's aware enough to know that things between him and Nami have been strained ever since she'd left and then came back and everyone else was acting like it's all water under the bridge.  Zoro's not.  A mistrust has settled in.  Under his skin.  Something that he can see turning into a grudge if he lets it fester long enough, but also he doesn't see himself doing anything to stop it from festering.

It's annoying.  Because he...well, he doesn't miss her, because she's right there and also he's low level ticked at her.  It's annoying.  Because she left.

Across the table, Usopp leans forward and narrows his eyes down to slits.  Slowly, he asks.  "How will you take a piss?"

The rest of the table goes very still.

Except for Luffy who answers with his mouth full, "Don't worry about it."

Everyone remains very still.

Yeah.  No. 

Zoro stands up and shrugs his captain off his back. 

"Awww!"

Turning his chair back around, he reclaims his seat.

"Thank you, Usopp, for that bit of rationality," the waiter says, passing around drinks (which are water of all fucking things) and sitting down himself, flipping his napkin across his lap with a flair. 

Pointing a finger at Usopp, Luffy informs him, "You're a bad pirate."  Then he swivels in his seat to turn the accusation onto Zoro.  "You too."  He pokes Zoro twice in the cheek.

"Yeah, yeah," Zoro says, piling food onto his plate.

[purefandomonium]

Part 6: Blissful Ignorance

But wait, there's more!

Or in other words, this project is still ongoing. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year (because I probably won't be posting anything again until sometime after) and hope you enjoy!

RED: So what exactly is the point of all this?

“It’s just a stupid dance. They do it every year for the freshmen but the whole school can go.”

RED: You’re not.

She stopped cleaning the mess that was her room for a moment. She could use a break anyway. It was getting kind of troublesome having to stop every few seconds to read what Red was saying. Not to mention having one arm perpetually tied up with holding the GameBoy to do so. She’d taped the mic to it while she figured out something less bulky.

She fell onto her desk chair with a thump, sliding it back and bumping into the desk. An old keyboard and a couple pens fell to the floor with a clatter.

RED: What was that?

“Sat down too violently,” she said, absently wondering when he’d started hearing the background.

RED: Oh.

RED: So why aren’t you going?

“Why do you care so much? It’s not like it affects you.”

Red was unfazed by the curt reply.

RED: It’s just a bit strange to me that you don’t want to.

RED: My company can’t be that interesting.

“Trust me, it’s not,” she said with a smirk. “I’m just not into dances.”

Red considered that. Leann didn’t seem to be ‘into’ anything, if every previous conversation about her social life was anything to go by. She told him all about her little projects and hobbies, but all of them seemed devoid of anyone other than herself. The girl was clearly a loner and yet…

She didn’t sound very satisfied about that.

RED: Don’t you have friends?

His concept of time was still a bit iffy; being trapped for decades in digital hell did that to a person—or whatever he could call himself. However, he was fully aware of the amount of time he’d spent with Leann thus far and, unless she was lying to him and his sanity had degraded worse than he thought, she never seemed to hang out with anyone outside of school. It appeared she woke up, got ready, left, then came right home once the day was over. It was like clockwork. She picked up the GameBoy at almost the same time every. Single. Day.

He may have lost his mind in that damn cartridge, but he wasn’t stupid.

The hesitation in her voice only drove the point home further.

“I have friends,” she said, tone defensive.

RED: Doesn’t sound like it to me.

RED: Don’t take it the wrong way.

RED: I’m just worried.

Red? Worried? For her, no less? The thought was both slightly amusing and more than a little unusual. “What are you worried for? I just don’t really like anyone.”

RED: Out of an entire school of students, there isn’t a single one you get along with?

“What happened to all that mistrust you had a month ago?” She was starting to get a little weirded out by his prying. The more time she spent with him, the more human he seemed. She often found herself lying awake at night, staring at the lit GameBoy on the desk and wondering how something so complex could exist within it. Red wasn’t programming. Couldn’t have been. Which didn’t leave a whole lot of options. Either he was the soul of some dead kid trapped in there, or he was some sort of demonic entity. Neither were things she should really be messing with, if she was being honest. Still…

She did enjoy the company.

Red didn’t respond immediately, opting instead to contemplate. What had happened to that mistrust? At some point in time he couldn’t remember, he just… started trusting her. He tried telling himself it was because it was nice to have someone to actually talk to, and it was. But that didn’t give him a reason for what he was doing right now, did it? He was picking up on things that he shouldn’t even be concerned with. What did it matter if she didn’t have friends?

A month ago, he’d have said nothing to all of this. What changed?

“I take it you don’t know either,” she said to the screen, showing Red’s sprite as it stood somewhere in Viridian.

RED: …No.

For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he was being so friendly.

Though she still hadn’t been allowed anywhere near the game’s code, Red had allowed Leann to play the game normally once she made it clear she wasn’t going to hurt him anymore. He’d warn her if things were about to go south and he couldn’t prevent it, and she’d stop whatever she was doing and switch to something else.

Right now, she had a Caterpie for no particular reason that she was building up in her spare time. She didn’t have the heart to say anything, but she’d never actually been that into Pokemon. She only bought the cartridge because it was a ‘cool old thing!’ and it was cheap compared to the rest of the game store’s wares. She’d actually forgotten her GameBoy had even existed from its place in the back of her closet.

She was sure it would be a gut-punch to Red if he found out, so she kept silent and proceeded to Google reasons for why she did certain things. Poor guy didn’t seem to have any concept of the internet.

She hummed. “Can I ask you something personal?”

RED: Sure.

“Do you… I don’t know. Do you, like, remember exactly how you came to be… like this? Were you always aware you were in a game?”

It was something he’d pondered himself on multiple occasions. Hearing it asked from another person seemed to give him some form of clarity on the matter.

RED: I…

RED: I don’t know what first made me realize. If I had to guess…

RED: Maybe it was the same narrative repeating with every new game players created.

RED: The more it happened, the more I kept asking myself: Why? Why do I keep doing this? Hasn’t this been done before? Why do I need to keep repeating it? What’s making me do this?

The text got a little too cozy in the box and some of it ended up cut off. She could still make it out though. It seemed she’d opened some sort of floodgate.

RED: People I thought were my friends, rivals… EVERYONE started repeating the same lines all of a sudden.

RED: No matter what happened, it was the same set of dialog. Almost like they were following some sort of script.

RED: …Do you know what it’s like to realize you never had any freedom? To have your illusion of choice ripped away from you and be told you were MADE to do this?

“…No. I don’t.” The thought made her stomach twist.

RED: Even my accomplishments were stripped from me. The only things I could hold onto that made me something, GONE. Taken by something “better.”

Her interest piqued at that. “I don’t know if you still remember, but early on when we started talking… Back when I had to spell out everything, you mentioned being replaced? What did you mean by that?”

RED: They took everything from me and replaced me like I meant NOTHING. Then they cast me aside to rot while my legacy was destroyed by some…

RED: …BROWN-HAIRED KID.

‘Brown-haired kid?’ Suddenly it clicked. “Do you mean the games that came after yours?”

RED: …

She could practically feel the anger emanating from those three dots. Now it made sense. Mostly. There was just one issue: How in the world did he know there were other games? If she was the first person he ever had a conversation with, then how could he know about the newer games? And there were so many. Was his anger directed at all of them or a handful in particular?

She cursed her lack of knowledge on the franchise and made a mental note to look into things later. Back to the matter at hand, she wondered if maybe he had somehow read the data on the different GameBoys he was inserted into. Maybe he had some sort of backwards compatibility that let him look into the tiny internal memory. She wasn’t an expert, but she figured it might be likely that there were little traces of data here and there that remained on the console itself. Data that would reveal there were different games and that Red wasn’t in them. If that was the case, then it was likely his anger was directed at any subsequent games that would’ve been out in the 90’s or so and not, say, games on the DS or something.

“That’s… I’m really sorry, Red. I wish I could say I understand what that’s like but…” She struggled to think of an appropriate response. “I don’t know if it matters any to you, but yours is the best game in my opinion.” Technically a bit of a stretch, seeing as how this was the only Pokemon game she’d ever owned, let alone played—save for a random Pokemon-themed pinball game she used to have—but the poor guy deserved some validation. It wasn’t exactly a lie either; she would gladly trade every game she owned if it meant getting to keep his.

RED: …….Thanks.

RED: That actually means a lot.

It felt wrong to ask him if he had a prior life to all this, so she left the conversation where it was at. She was no closer to figuring out what he was now than before, but that was ok. At least he seemed to be feeling a bit calmer now. A change to a lighter topic was in order.

She asked him if he knew about TV shows.

So confession time: I actually never have owned or played a single Pokemon game in my entire life. I have recently been thinking about picking up one just to try it, but yeah. The mention of the GameBoy Pokemon Pinball thing is legit the only game I've ever played. Funny, right? Of course I remember the original series, I had a few toys and even some of the movies, but I was never really into the franchise. Would not have seen myself doing this at any point in time but hey, life's weird like that.

Part 5: here

Part 7: here

[artist-issues]

This is an admirable point to try to make about the Sequel Trilogy, but it doesn't hold up in-context, at all. But Star Wars fans don't tend to look at the context of the story. They don’t tend to look at the new story like it's a story, with character set-up and follow-through. They tend to look at it like it's a Star Wars Movie.

Rey caring about whether or not her parents were someone significant happened as a natural progression of her obsession with them after The Forxe Awakens. Literally, after the force awakens in her, she transfers that new facet of her life onto the one all-consuming character motivation she has: to be somebody to someone. It just took new shape because The Force was suddenly in her life in a major way. But it was very in-character, and consistent.

She always wanted to be someone--to her parents--which you can see at the beginning of The Force Awakens when she looks very uncomfortable at the idea of turning into a solitary old woman, alone and nobody on Jakkuu. So yeah, she wants to "be somebody--" but just "somebody who is loved." And the idea of her parents is her comfort-fantasy, so when she's jettisoned into this galaxy-arena of legendary dynastic force-weilders, of course she hopes her parents will become the new frame for all of that. She’s just shifting her motivation to match her new environment. You know. Like a character.

Finn and Rose don't think del Toro's character is a "rogue with a heart of gold." They find him in a cell, after already associating the Casino Proprietors to be shorthand for the First Order--so they naturally assume he got there by leaning away from the First Order. Plus, he (with BB-8) saved them from being recaptured. And despite his speech, they did pay him. They thought no more than "here's a guy who's certainly crossed the First Order before, and he knows how to get us in, and we literally have no other plan or time to make a new one, and we paid him, so this is our only option."

Are they upset when he betrayed them? Yeah. But if you've been allies in a life-or-death situation for any length of time, and they've not only helped you out before but also gave you back your special necklace apparently out of kindness, then they get you killed at the last second? And you have a chance to express your anger about that? You're gonna do it. It would be unnatural for you, as a character, not to express that anger. Doesn't mean you've been 100% CONVINCED the whole time that he "had a heart of a gold all along" and this was such a shock to you.

Rose is Pre-established in the movie to tend toward idealism, and hero-worship. Finn has only been a part of the Resistance for a tiny bit of time, and used to be a Stormtrooper--she has every reason to distrust him OR trust him--and we're shown that she chooses trust. She's all starry-eyed and hero-worshipping--until he insinuates that he's jumping ship. (Because she's not stupid, even if her default setting is initially "trust, have faith in the good.") And then even after she tazes him, and he admits to wanting to run away, even though that's a direct insult to her sister's fresh sacrifice, she still chooses to work with him. Knowing that he's kind of untrustworthy, she chooses to give him a chance anyway. And she's the one that shows the little kid the Resistance Ring, in the slave stalls, with no reason to believe that it will mean anything to him. Just like she's the kind of character to believe DJ will be true to his word.

That's the kind of character she is, right from the get-go. Its you who expected DJ to be a "rogue with a heart of gold" trope, because you've seen Star Wars movies. Rose just happens to be written to also lean toward trust (within reason) rather than mistrust, even if a rogue. What's your excuse? You're a "Star Wars fan."

Same thing with Rey's "training." At no point does Rey describe what she wants as specific "training--" she describes what she wants in a very in-character way. Firstly, she wants Luke to come back (oh, just like her obsession with her ideal parental figures "coming back") and save the day. When he won't, and asks why they sent her to find him, she reluctantly explains that she needs someone to "show [her] her place in all of this." Vague. Reluctant. Far from asking for a training montage. She doesn't want to save the day, she wants to be important (read: "loved") by someone, and she wants LUKE to save the day. That's always her character. She doesn't want to be the hero, she just wants to be loved and belong somewhere, to someone. It's you that heard her say "show me my place in all this" and translated it to "give me a training montage," devoid of build-up and context. Because you're a watcher of Star Wars movies.

Same thing with Poe. The filmmaker very clearly sets up why he shouldn't get to know the plan: he has a disregard for human life, and a bit of a hero complex, and he doesn't look at the "big picture." Leia might have given him grace and told him of the plan because she knows he has potential--but Leia got knocked unconscious, and her second-in-command did the best she could with what she knew: a hothead who disobeys direct orders and gets people killed and is punished for it by her wise friend comes around demanding to know the plan, right after being demoted, in a life-or-death situation? She's not going to tell him the plan. It would not make sense for her to tell him the plan, in the movie you're watching. Not if she's going to behave in-character. In fact, the only way Holdo could've known enough to make the decision to give Poe sensitive information in good faith would be if...she somehow knew that he was the rough-around-the-edges but ultimately-trustworthy protagonist of a Star Wars movie.

See, it sounds good to say that "they knew they were in a Star Wars movie, that's why they act 'inconsistently!'" Sounds good. Until you look to see if they're actually inconsistent--and they're not. (Not in TFA or TLJ, I disregard ROS but that's another post.)

When you watch the story like it's a story, you see that the filmmakers set it all up beautifully. It's a natural follow-through of each character you mentioned to do what they did in TLJ. Especially in those scenarios, which were cleverly written by moviemakers who knew what you, the audience (not the characters) would expect to see. You're just proving that you're the one making much out of the fact that they're "a protagonist in a Star Wars movie."

Star Wars fans expected TLJ and TFA to follow some specific patterns, or fulfill specific wishes commonly associated with Star Wars. When the ends of the story didn't follow/fulfill those, they totally missed the means used to get there.

In any other story, you couldn't just say "Rey defeated Kylo Ren with no problem and no training." You'd notice that the fight is set up with specific context like:

Rey has fought off competitors for scraps and for survival every day of her life on a desert planet; she might not have formal training in a specific art, but she knows plenty about using a stick to fight for her life.

Kylo Ren is not trying to kill her. He is actively trying to convince her to join him; he's not even interested in maiming her, just overpowering and intimidating her.

Even if he was trying to kill her, he'd have a hard time of it: he is injured from a blaster bolt shot, which we saw blast away Stormtroopers in full gear earlier in the same story; so if we were watching this in good faith like any other story, we’d remember how much damage it can do and deduce how much weaker it’s making Kylo Ren.

He is trying to use the Dark Side of the Force--which is literally only powerful when you're enraged and convinced of your actions--but he is at his least convinced of his own actions. He already knows Rey is strong in the Force, so he’s seeing her as an unpredictable threat instead of the opponents hes used to dominating. Why do you think he knocked her out first?

He also just killed his father, which is supposed to make him feel stronger and freer, but CLEARLY IT IS NOT, so his emotions aren't working for him in the Force: they're working against him because they're unsteady. He’s confused; the rite he was told would make him stronger is emotionally crippling him. Not a great time to need steady emotions for a battle.

In the meantime, Rey has just recently opened herself up to the Force despite all her reluctance and holding it back, and it turned out really well. And she's defending the one person who ever came back for her, showed her that she was important, and acted like she was special to him--Finn. So in contrast to Kylo Ren, she gets to use her survivalist stick-wielding experience and her emotions are channeled and her faith is finally experiencing its first and best burst in emotional confidence. While he's having trouble getting his emotions to channel the Force because of the in-character reaction to the established situation, she is having the least trouble getting her emotions to channel the Force, for the first time in the whole movie!

Anyone who watches this story never having seen a Star Wars movie before will see that everything is set up carefully, then followed-through carefully (until ROS, which we don't talk about.) But if you watch it as a Star Wars Fan? You're not taking in the details and the context and the foreshadowing. You're looking for fulfilled tropes. You're not listening to what the characters are saying and watching their facial expressions. You're listening to hear the keywords and phrases you've learned from other movies.

You're not watching a movie. You're watching a Test of Star Wars Formula Adherence...and then giving the filmmakers a bad grade, according to your own standard. And it’s a rigged standard. It’s not the same standard used for all stories.

(P.S. @frasier-crane-style and anyone who bothered reading all this: if it feels tedious and aggravating to read through a list of all the things that the characters did in the Sequel movies and have them explained to you, this is why; they’re obvious. You already knew them. They were clear in the movie. They were good explanations for what was going on; they just weren’t the explanations you were looking for, so you rejected them.)

Why The Last Jedi doesn't work as subversion is that it continuously requires the characters to act like they KNOW they're characters in Star Wars and not LIVING the Star Wars.

I'll give you an example. Rey. In TFA, her parents are simply missing and she's waiting for them to come back. In TLJ, she suddenly thinks they're an important secret for Kylo to reveal to her because she's pathologically suppressed the truth that they're drunks who sold her for alcohol money (or, you know, blue milk money, whatever).

But why would she ever think that she had an important family or heritage unless she knew she was the protagonist of a space epic and having an important family or heritage is something that happens to those?

Or DJ. The Benecio del Toro character is supposed to be a subversion of the rogue with a heart of gold trope. But why would Finn and Bangs ever think he's a rogue with a heart of gold that's implicitly trustworthy? They find him in a prison cell and have no reason to think he has any loyalty to the Resistance--he even gives a speech about how he considers the First Order and the Resistance to be equally bad!

In ANH, both Luke and Obi-Wan treated Han like exactly what he was, a mercenary, who had to be cajoled into helping out until finally he showed his true colors by attacking the Death Star. They didn't know they were characters going through a story arc. The Sequel Trilogy characters act like they do, until Rian Johnson pranks them by twisting the story arc they had no reason to think they were participating in.

And the entire Luke storyline is a subversion of the entire idea of mentorship. Luke doesn't teach Rey anything. She doesn't need to be taught anything. It's unclear why she even thinks she does, given that she already beat down Kylo Ren with ease, but, again, character in a story. She thinks she needs a training montage, Rian says "she doesn't get a training montage!", and scene.

It's all very meta and post-modern and taken at face value, it doesn't make any sense once you ask obvious questions like "Why shouldn't Poe know that there is a plan to save the fleet?" Defenders of TLJ dismiss those obvious questions because they see them as unimportant next to the post-modern gamesmanship the movie is really concerned with, but Star Wars doesn't work like a Scream movie, where the characters are largely obsessed with horror movies and then, ironically, placed inside a horror movie.

That's a kind of cynicism that doesn't really work for Star Wars; you can't do a sincere narrative about the triumph of good over evil when the characters are mostly convinced there's no big difference between Good or Evil winning.

To go back to ANH, Obi-Wan is emphatic about how wonderful the Jedi were, how tragic it was that they were wiped out, how awful it is to live under the Empire, and how important it is to fight to restore the Republic. That's the baseline of sincerity that this kind of primordial mythmaking needs to work.

With TLJ, most every character on both sides are cynical, foolish, corrupt, power-tripping, shrill, pompous... most of all, incompetent. It seems less like an epic battle between the noble and the venal--more like two competing cliques of sitcom characters, only one of them is inexplicably Nazi-themed. You're left pretty much adrift, with no characters to sympathize with and no conflicts to become invested in, just visuals and 'themes'.

But children can't get invested in themes or subversion. Neither can most people. It's the province of the elitist to care about subtext over story--the sick doldrums of modern art--and Star Wars isn't for them. It's for the people.

[ducknotinarow]

[CC and Raph uwu]

"Really? A big tough turtle like yer is scared of Zombie 'ere?" Casey can't help but tease, still impressed he managed to convince Raph onto the saddle in the first place, "C'mon Raph, yer jus' gotta relax a lil' - if she starts sensin' yer stressed, she'll start freakin' out herself, an' I doubt yer need anymore hits t' the head."

The last thing they wanted was Zombie to buck the Turtle off; it's survivable, but painful. It's why Casey moved to, gently, rest a hand on Raphael's shell, encouraging them to relax, while also making sure they don't lean too far back,

"Jus' keep yer left han' aroun' them reigns, an' yer right by yer thigh, when yer ready t' get walkin', jus' press yer legs in, gently, an' she'll start a nice, almos' as slow as a turtle, walk," He smirks at them, knowing what he said, "I'll be right 'ere at yer side okay? I aint goin' anywhere, an' once yer done, we'll give Zombie some carrots - she'll be yer bes' frien' for life if yer d' that."

When Zombie starts actually walking, Casey waits a moment, gauges to see if Raph is relaxing or not. When it feels like they're finally getting the hang of it, Casey, carefully, takes his hand from their shell. He walks a little quicker, turning around as he grins up at Raphael, holding up his hands,

"Still scared or did yer finally get outta that shell?" Casey laughs, "See, yer doin' great - aint got nothin' t' be scared of."

| Muse interaction

With Leo awake and just needing time to heal Raph felt like all was well enough to stray from their from their side. Somehow he wound up walking around the farm they were allowed to bunker down at for the time being with the owner of the land. Casey. Raphael was the suspicious time he just didn't trust many all that well, living isolated and only knowing four other beings can do that to a guy. Not to mention anytime Raphael and his brother did go up top? Well they weren't always welcomed. So Casey just having a sudden quick turn around to allow them so openly take shelter on his farm? Arm's folded over his plastron as he was eyeing said cowboy now. They were going about their usual morning routine of caring for all their creatures and such. Raph sort of standing off to the side in the stables eyeing them with narrowed eyes. He just didn't know what to make of this guy. They didn't give him a reason to mistrust them. Honestly that was what got under his shell the most. You could just tell this guy was okay. The softness to their blue eyes, the ease in how their lips curved into a smile. Their whole demeanor even was just so oddly relaxing.

His attention only shifts off from Casey when he feels a slight tug at the back of his mask. Slightly turning his head to the side a tad startled to be face to face with one of the horses just now. he hadn't noticed he was standing by an occupied one till now. He tries to move away only to feel resistance on the back of his head near pulling him back as tried. He grunts a bit then looks back to find the horse has the ends of his mack in their mouth. "Let me go."

He state loudly suddenly. Hand set to the stable door as he tries pulling again. He doing his best to became and not tug to hard though and doesn't even try to lad a finger on the horse. Just tries to tug his head back again but damn this thing has such a grip. He can feel himself get tugged over instead gritting his teeth he just lowly growls "Would ya knock it off." Another tug and now he turns towards Casey "Ya dang horse is tryin' ta eat me!"

Even once he was freed from Zombies grip, he made it clear he was not going anywhere near those things again. He never knew just how big and huge horses were till coming to Casey's farm. Oh but of course the moment this jerk seemed to pick up that Raph was spooked by them. A devilish glint seemed to take over his eyes and the teasing started. Going on and on about how he was just scared and what not. Of course he had to prove a point and somehow now Raph was out in the corral with Casey, and Zombie. Though the real shock was he was sitting on top of the saddle. Clearly not liking it in the slightest. He felt way to high his center of gravity he was so acosutme to was gone. It wasn't like riding his shellcycle there was no control here for him. Sure their was the set of reins he could hold on to but it didn't give him any comfort in the slightest.

"Really? A big tough turtle like yer is scared of Zombie 'ere?"

Raph just grumbles under his breath as Casey continued to get on him. Turning to look towards them as he tried swatting at them to shut them up "Listenin' here ya-" unable to finish his insult as he felt himself near fall right off the horse. Hand quick to gran on to the horn when he felt like he had leaned over to much and slowly move himself back over.

"C'mon Raph, yer jus' gotta relax a lil' - if she starts sensin' yer stressed, she'll start freakin' out herself, an' I doubt yer need anymore hits t' the head."

Raph just groaned a bit "yeah yeah" he grumbled under his breath slightly moving to straighten back up. Slightly freezing up when he can feel Casey's hand land on the back of his shell. Suddenly he felt clam again under their touch himself. Seemed the Horse settled herself once he was. Turning his head away a bit so Casey couldn't see the look on his face as he looked down to the horse. He could feel a flutter in his shell and was mentally scolding the organ inside him for the reaction just now.

"Jus' keep yer left han' aroun' them reigns, an' yer right by yer thigh, when yer ready t' get walkin', jus' press yer legs in, gently, an' she'll start a nice, almos' as slow as a turtle, walk,"

Eyes shift to glare over to them as they simply smirk well away of what that said clearly said on purpose. Raph just huffed a little as he breath out. But he did take hold of the reigns as Casey said trying to get a good feel for it in his hold. He still didn't trust how thin how this thing was seeing how it was meant to be his only support and way to lead their horse. Nothing like handle bars in the slightest. As if Casey could tell the doubts working in his mind just now he spoke up.

"I'll be right 'ere at yer side okay? I aint goin' anywhere, an' once yer done, we'll give Zombie some carrots - she'll be yer bes' frien' for life if yer d' that."

There's something about the tone when Casey speaks to him just now, shifting his gaze over to them again before looking forward he dose as Casey said and gives a squeeze of his thighs gently and just like he start she slowly started to move forward. It did slightly make him move back but thanks to Casey's hand he didn't leaned back any further. Slowly getting settle on the saddle as he fixed himself up again trusting if he slipped nothing would happen. Casey true to his word was stay right beside him as Zombies seemed to get into a easy pace. Slowly Raph could feel his nerves easing away slowly relaxing as tensions seemed to be falling right off his shoulders. His hand even lazily rested to his thigh no longer gripping his nails into his thick skin there. This wasn't so bad? He hadn't even noticed Casey moved away from him till hear heard them call out just now.

"Still scared or did yer finally get outta that shell?"

They said hands held up near perfectly farm that damn grin there had on as they laughed. They clearly were loving a chance to tease Raphael over his fear of the creature.

"Ya, owner really creasin' me Zombie." Raph mutters to himself mostly as he stays put simply staring up ahead at Casey. He didn't have much of a remark to give other than how his brow furrowed up as he simply scowled over to Casey a little. There's a sit inside of his shell as he settles his gaze over them a moment. Taking in that look on his face. Even though Casey had moved from behind right at his side, he didn't feel fear coming back of sliding off or even getting buck right of the horse.

He just trusted them. Something about Casey, he just trusted them without question even if that dick roasted the hell out him over, showing a fear of the creatures they spent so much time around. Something about them was just.

"See, yer doin' great - aint got nothin' t' be scared of."

"...that might not be ture." Raph says softly to himself, it seemed the fear of falling off the horse was slowly being replaced at the chance of falling in a different way. For Casey.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

i want dick grayson to be annoyingly perfect in the smallest of unimportant ways. and i want it to irritate the living hell out of everyone around him

every now and then, jason and dick will go to different chili dog carts around the city, and dick will sit and nod in agreement as jason nitpicks the food, occasionally offering his own two cents. the conversations are tense and if the topic strays from anything except food jason books it, but it’s progress, and dick’s grateful. but he doesn’t understand why jason always growls at him when he’s preparing his chili dogs, chalking it up to jason’s obsessiveness about that food in particular. dick figures he’s probably doing it wrong. until one day, jason bites out a rough question, asks him how he did that. dick’s confused, until jason points out, “you tear open the top of the ketchup packet in a perfect line every time. and you get all of the ketchup out of the packet in one smooth squeeze, and you never get any on your fingers, and i don’t understand how.”

roy was, arguably, a better archer than ollie. green arrow had been birthed from the island, from the trauma of survival. roy, however, had been practicing since he was a kid, and now that he was well into his twenties, he could safely say he was one of the best shots in the world. he could beat all his friends at darts, shoot an apple off wally’s head, and was generally pretty awesome. or, he would be awesome, if only dick fucking grayson would stop making every single shot of anything he threw in a trash can. no matter what he was throwing away, no matter the angle, no matter the wind or rain, as long as the trashcan was in eyesight, anything dick tossed would inevitably end up inside the garbage. sometimes, dick barely even glanced at the damn thing, just took note of it a threw the trash, expecting it to land in the proper place. and it always did. the worst part was, dick didn’t even seem to notice it. he wasn’t actively trying to make every shot. when asked, dick just shrugged and said “we had some pretty good knife throwers in the circus.”

tim’s memories starting out as robin were a whirlwind, a push-pull of bruce’s mistrust, then bruce’s acceptance, of dick’s fear and hesitation, then of dick’s love. he still remembered dick making the two of them hot chocolate in the kitchen after a day of training, tim’s muscles sore and entire body aching but the feeling of pride, because he was good enough to be robin, he knew he was. he hadn’t expected that to happen anytime soon again, given the way their relationship had fractured after tim had left dick’s batman, a terrified fury in his eyes. yet, he’d been proven wrong when, after a particularly rough arkham breakout, alfred asked both dick and tim to stay instead of returning to their own apartments. just because the manor brought back a feeling of warm nostalgia, however, doesn’t mean it kept the nightmares away. he came down to the kitchen and saw dick already up, moving around the stovetop. with a knowing look in his eyes, dick grabbed another mug to make tim some hot chocolate. tim was washed over with a feeling of relief, of acceptance. dick slid the mug towards him and tim took a sip, letting the rich chocolate warm him up from the inside. it was delicious. his little sigh of pleasure must have been audible, but then he remembered something he noticed. “dick. did you use alfred’s recipe for this?” and dick laughed, responded with, “nah. too much work. i just sort of tried to remember what was in hot chocolate, and eyeballed most of the ingredients. i’m glad it turned out good though. no clumps too, that’s good.”

donna didn’t care how old she got, playing in the park with dick never got old. as one of her oldest friends, the two of them could just walk around the park, in companionable silence, just letting themselves relax and enjoy the moment. so, of course, dick would break the silence and ask if she had any earbuds, because it was getting to quiet for him. donna laughed, and reached inside her pocket, fingered past the keys, and grabbed the headphones. the tangled little ball that came out made her sigh, and she pulled on an earbud to loosen it, only managing to make one of the many knots tighter. then, dick took the headphones out of her hands with a here, i got it, and with a few quick tugs, the tangled monstrosity unraveled easy as breathing. then, completely unaffected, he handed her an earbud, putting the other in his own ear. “i’m the one who’s got a lasso,” she said, ignoring dick’s snort and quip about how earbuds and a lasso are two completely different things, donna.

cass hadn’t expected to enjoy such a gentle, graceful form of athletics, but after a few lessons, it had become apparent that ballet could be far from gentle. it pushed her, made her practice and strengthen herself, and she’d fallen in love with the art quickly. however, the most frustrating part of the entire thing had little to do with actually dancing. the school bruce had helped pick out was prestigious, which meant a strict dress code, which meant her hair had to be in a bun. unfortunately, her hair never seemed to want to cooperate. after her latest attempt, falling into a mess of hair at her nape that had so many locks falling out, cass contemplated how mad the teacher would be if she showed up in a ponytail. at that moment, dick peeked into her room, having heard her frustrated noise, and asked if he could do anything to help. cass pointed to the mess of hair, not even remotely contained by the hair tie, and blew a strand out of her face. dick smiled with understanding, then came into her room, grabbing the comb on her bed and standing behind her in front of the mirror. he smoothed her hair with the comb, then pulled it this way and that, twisting and turning and wrapping until, two minutes later, a picture perfect bun sat atop her head. cass blinked with surprise. “first try,” she said, staring up at him, but he just shrugged and said, “it’s not that hard. you want me to drop you off?”

bruce could admit that he rather enjoyed undercover missions. it was an extended game with high stakes, a test of his own acting skills. with makeup changing his face, an expertly made wig, and a demeanor completely different from both brucie wayne and from batman, he swept through the crowd of greasy men, looking for a specific contact. then, he caught sight of someone specific indeed, though they weren’t his contact. eyebrows raised in a what are you doing here? gesture, he slid onto a barstool. from behind the bar, dick offered him a blinding smile, cleaning a glass. he tapped his wrist twice, a clear message. undercover, same as you. then, dick grabbed a couple bottles from underneath a shelf, flipping them in his hand and pouring with grandeur. bruce noticed he hadn’t put any alcohol in his little mixture, only making it seem as if he had. the flashy moves were entertaining, bruce could give him that. dick slid him the drink and bruce took a sip, eyebrows raising in brief surprise. “this is good. bartending?” dick put the bottles and the lemon away, unimpressed. “it’s not like it’s hard. just mixing a couple ingredients. no biggie.” bruce was fairly certain bartending was more difficult than that, but just then, his target came into view. 

steph understood some of the bats’ frustration with dick, she really could. he hadn’t exactly been a welcome and opening batman, that’s for sure. regardless, as the few masks left in gotham had to work together, and she’d gotten to know the man pretty well. and she enjoyed his company as nightwing much more than batman. she dropped onto his balcony in his bludhaven apartment, announcing her presence in that loud-subtle way. dick was nestled in a couple blankets on the couch, going over a couple files, apparently just back from patrol if the small bandage on his neck and bags under his eyes were any indication. nevertheless, he brightened when he saw her and she nodded when he asked if she wanted to spend the night. he moved some of the papers to make room for her on the couch, but she flitted into his bathroom, going through the nail polish bottles she knew he had, and grabbing a shade of red that caught her eye. she tossed him the bottle and put her fingers in his lap, talking aimlessly about a movie she watched with cass. dick seemed to relax amidst her jabbering, and he shook the bottle a couple times before opening it and focusing on her right hand. but as he started, steph paused her rambling and focused on him instead, holding her hands gently and brushing paint onto her nails. he managed to cover her entire nail in three easy strokes, smooth and glossy, not a hint of paint on her skin. the nail was practically perfect. oh god she was jealous. “got a lot of practice with this, grayson?” she asked, and laughed at dick’s mock-offended of course not!

damian wasn’t one for photography, and he could grudgingly admit drake was far better at that particular skill than he was. however, his art class had promised to cover all types of media, and had upheld that pledge. the next two weeks were dedicated to photography, and their final project for the unit had to be a small collection of photographs. animal photography, of course, was damian’s chosen subject, and the knowledge that animal photography was one of the hardest skills to master only had damian wanting to do it more. days later, however, he could admit that it was trickier than expected. how had he never noticed how active his animals were? they never sat still, and every single picture came out blurry. grayson, upon coming across him in the manor grounds, noticed his futile attempts and asked if he could help. damian acquiesced the camera to grayson, who looked through the lens, finding the right angle and background, adjusting the focus settings slightly. then, he let out a sharp whistle and snapped his fingers. in nothing short of a miracle, damian’s pets pasued to look at him, only for a second, and the shutter clicked furiously. damian flipped through the photos, a good many of them clear and wonderful. damian snapped in irritation when dick ruffled his hair and said, “now you try!” it definitely wasn’t as easy as grayson made it look.

babs didn’t really know what she was expecting when she broke up with dick. there was hurt on both ends, and distance for a while, and she had no idea how much she’d miss him. but after a couple months of working together, of remembering that underneath the romantic tangles, their friendship was strong, she’d gotten to the point of dick randomly dropping by her apartment again. the downside was, dick kept randomly dropping by her apartment again. he stole her snacks and messed up her filing system and was so irritating that barbara almost forgot how relieved she was at having one of her best friends back. fortunately, it did come with benefits, because when he was bored, he did some of her chores for her. pausing in the doorway, she smiled at the sight of dick folding her clothes and putting them away. the gesture was platonic now, but no less appreciated. she pushed her wheelchair forward, and in greeting, dick told her how much he wanted to steal all her patterned socks. babs reminded him they wouldn’t fit, and laughed at his pout. dick grabbed one sock off the top of the laundry basket, then dug his hand into the pile of clothes randomly, coming up with the second sock in an instant. folding them together, he repeated the process for each pair. “that...that was fast. you got all of them?” babs asked in confusion. “yes? why, did you expect some to be missing?” was dick’s reply as he shook the wrinkles out of a sweater.

wally was never surprised. he knew dick better than probably most people in the world. he’d gone from frustrated and jealous of dick’s random talents, to admiring and appreciative, to just accepting them as a fact of life. dick’s phone never cracked if he accidentally he dropped it. dick never buttoned up shirts wrong, aligning each button with the right hole perfectly on the first try. dick could plug in usb ports the right way. dick always remembered which light switch was for which room, no matter whose house they were at. dick could pop a cd out of its case without ever smudging the disk, holding it by the rim perfectly. and dick always seemed to know when wally needed a day off, to just visit their old haunts, grab some ice cream, and spend the day talking away on a rooftop. that was just something his best friend could do. and wally would never tell dick, but underneath his fake irritation at it, but he loved him for it.

tag list:  @comicsandhoney @birdy-bat-writes @elles-shitposts-personified @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @astroherogirl @yesboopityboop @dangerduckjpeg

[iceiclehorned]

Crushed into specks of stardust, the negative emotions seemed to fall away like grains of sand, the same way a few tears allowed themselves to fall.

When negative emotions seep into your very being, the natural response is to use it as a river, presenting as a mirror to show you that you're like this for a reason. Hating to admit the way some days, she would be suffocated by the inconsistent streams of it, latching around her throat and remaining firm, keeping a firm eye on how she wanted to escape that repeating pattern. But how does one ease themselves out of an attachment when it has two sides? There was no heart in her to break away, only a buzzing spring to enhance that connection. If anything, the whirlpool had been her biggest mistake, casting her a curse of repeated nightmares until she was able to awaken.

Holding herself down so that the suffrage could continue, all in the name to keep herself steady, and to hide her unrelenting feelings for him a secret, forever to be held captive by the logistics her mind would make up. 'He loves me, he loves me not' would turn into a bedtime routine, only to receive a different result every night.

Desperation latched onto her soul, the seas of such a sadistic afterthoughts bruising that beating organ time and time again.

It has always been said that it is easier to fall into a pattern of hatred than it is for positive thinking, and she supposed the articles were right. Particularly when every move made to improve her line of thinking failed so miserably.

This relationship that defined the two of them as a troublesome duo on some level seemed to have made itself an important part of her overarching personality -- her character as a whole -- to a level where being without it would make her feel so empty. Naturally, weaving yourself within another is never a good idea unless you know where you stand, at a point where the achingly needed communication can be permitted, but March 7th did not possess the strength to do that. The worst part? It was a fact of life she had only realised after she had crossed that line.

Foresight is a lacking trait in the pink-haired woman, that much was for certain.

Escaping had been the first thing to cross her mind, brazen in the assumption that those heartfelt emotions would not be reciprocated. Unchartered territory was never this frightening whenever they were together, so why had she not trusted him to take her on this voyage safely? An underlying level of mistrust in herself, rather than in Caelus. The greed that had held her captive, to remain having her cake and eating it too, only seemed to serve a baseless fantasy that she would be able to handle not having something more with him, yet, with every day that passed them by, the resolve became harder to hold together, tearing her apart in the depths of her heart, only to be seen by nightfall.

Caelus's brutal objection to her departure had been enough to stop any movement momentarily, but there still had been no attempt to face him straight on. Watery shame, coming in the form of all the stress leaving her body once every part of him envelopes her with an intense heat that seemed to brush against every fibre of her being. Not a hint of rejection coming from her limp body, her head resting against his shoulder, enabling everything that had been built so far to slip away. Spending day and night battling to protect the friendship that continually grew, doing whatever it took to overcome the kind of LOVE shelving above a category over what was supposed to be.

Her mouth would fall open to respond, his tight grip sending an indication straight to the depths of her racing heart. An unforgiving fire had been ignited, spreading quickly over every inch of skin, leaving behind trails of goosebumps. This physical response to him was new, akin to a volcanic eruption, taking place in the comfort of his toned arms. Damned this cool, calming warmth, a comfort that could never be replicated, even if the Express managed to touch every corner of the unending galaxy.

"I was so scared of tearing apart what we have, because I love it so much."

The word 'love' could easily be perceived as a strong means to describe one's feelings, but the truth of the matter? March 7th was in love with every snapshot of the two of them together, whether it be in her head, or on camera. Sneaking off to explore each planet they had visited on their own, an unserious bantering carrying almost every interaction, the energy becoming more electrifying as every adventure passes them by. This vulnerable space felt new, and the trembling of her body seemed to barely exist, except for the few vibrations of uncertainty that came alongside the deduction of what was right or wrong to say in the moment.

"This... whole time? You felt this way, too?"

Her voice would be a fragility in every spoken word, a half-understanding of the situation in full playing out in her mind. This bond was strong, standing the test of many hardships, including the damaging battles they had faced. He had taken the time to protect her against the Doomsday Beast, throwing himself in front of it so she did not face any damage. He did not have to do that, which spoke more about his character above all else. Out of every individual she came across, only he could make her feel so safe, secure and wanted. Sweeping her away to do things, explore the unseen, get to know one another in one of the most intimate ways possible. Being held by him only made that pain wedge itself in deeper, the dissipation of it following in such an uplifting way that it made her head dizzy.

Did she even have a right to feel half of the things she did in that moment, knowing how willing she had been to walk away?

Stumbling across Caelus on the Herta Space Station had truly been a blessing. Even from day one, March felt as though there was something there, merely chalking up to an enthusiasm that there was somebody new on board the Astral Express. Knowing about the Stellaron from within him did not bother her in a sense that it would most others, more holding a worry about his own safety. As each stage of their journey progressed, a new layer would be added, blanketing the very foundation of that attachment formed. He had been the greatest gift she could have ever received on the Trailblaze path, a true blessing to behold.

What a beautiful soul he had, a memory and a first love that would forever be engraved in her heart, including the heartache that came with the initial turn of events.

Bewilderment would flood her mind, stiffening every muscle against his own body. The only organ that seemed to function properly was her heart, thumping a million miles a minute, waiting for her brain to catch up for a moment. Lagging responses were not uncommon, but this dragged out? It was as if a person handed her something precious and delicate, entrusting her to keep it safe, and her first response was to register that somebody would entrust her with something so valuable in the first place.

"Caelus..."

A shudder would rip down her spine once his hot breath made such blatant contact with her skin, leaving her rattled in a way that could not be so easily explained. An adrenaline rush leaving her yearning to make rash decisions, but her mind was itching to have her behave. This bubbling excitement seemed to push out every speck of negative energy from every crevice of her form, resulting in an eager twirl of her body, just so she could wrap her arms around his body. The grip she had on his body would be tight, unwilling to let go once those slender fingers latch onto his clothing. Only then would a small smile grace her face.

"I hear you loud and clear... I'll be by your side forever, and that is a promise."

Because, the truth of the matter is, even if she were to die on this path, her soul would linger around him, ensuring every word is kept. A place where March 7th doesn't keep her word, regardless of the circumstances around it, is a place where she simply did not exist to begin with. This vow was strong, remaining written in the ice that kept her trapped in her cocoon. This would remain to be true, even if they wre to ever break apart completely, because a heart can never be switched off, nor can the memories holding a home from within.

It's a promise, even laid out on her deathbed.

He meant what he said at this moment. Regret, doubt, things like this were taken and crushed by the very grip of his resolution. They've just handled and annihilate the advent of an Aeon of all damn things rising from oblivion's shores. That in itself highlighted a renewed determination that Caelus gained about life itself. Days spent within reality had felt undeniably different, and in a way, more pronounced for the many bonds he's cultivated alongside companions and close friends alike.

--That. This could be the reason he found the pain so prominent in this time.

Being in a life where they found themselves outside the shattered dream, where they exchanged paradise for the hardships gained, a foundation to build their own gives an avid reminder as to why he should never let such a fight dwindle. Then again, wasn't it oh so undeniably human to stumble and stutter when uncertainty holds as a formidable cloud? It only tempered why Caelus pushes in these moments. Above all else, they were too damn important.

It was important to never let tinges of despair or terror wrack someone who means too damn much to him.

Having her hand preventing that next step draws that pace of his to a pause. Initially caught, there's a magic in how it seamlessly drags his attention back to the surface from a sea of thought. The source found itself welcome, leading to Caelus pivoting his head towards those shimmering eyes that worked as gems even within a dreamscape. For an instant, it'd be the intensity, the truth of such emotion that causes him to be stunlocked. Within the forest of fear is where courage shines, and in this moment, it felt as if they were in such a surrounding of heaviness and bramble.

Witnessing her eyes glisten as she tears free that confession from the depths of her heart, part of him wants to embrace March before the fury of such a tide consumes her, to continue being that barrier--

On the other hand, wasn't it such behavior that would be holding her back? That grasp she steadied onto him as she shakily began, daring to dive back into those new memories after the established off leaves him quiet.

Anticipation? Concern? What should be storming within him right now?

He knows.

Earlier intuition screamed such a factor to him. For someone who sang delightfully in the whimsy of romance, in a natural, certain care for others, Caelus could understand why concepts like that could never come half-hearted from her. It leaves him breathless, that earlier storm of high paced beats charging through his heart as his eyes part open just a touch more. Just like that, they've blazed their trail through an entirely new barrier.

A loving one. A caring one. They've taken the proverbial sledgehammer and decided to shatter it completely.

"March.." His voice began, a rush of emotion surging.

Can't do this as your friend.

Like you.

A problem, but I failed.

........

Is that why her smile felt so different to him since they fell upon this Land of Dreams? Why she was inherently more protective? Why beyond their triumph over a fallen god, they've found themselves unconsciously more involved in each other's gravity? A turbulent rush of emotions found themselves blooming as she tried to slide ahead, and in his mind, leading him to sharpen his attention towards another half-baked excuse to not follow this experience to its finishing touches. With his teeth clenching briefly, it'd lead to that calm, an abrupt and needed understanding.

"And just where do you think you're going? Mr.Yang waited this damn long, I'm sure another good week or year would do just fine!" No damn it, not a second time.

To hell with all of these agonizing aches and deep feelings! Fear? Kick it to the curb! Concern? Let it be the fire that gives a supportive warmth. It'd be within this moment that he covers the distance himself, brazenly reaching for the scalding flame of doubt in order to find the saccharine and gentle serenity that always held a presence by his side. As demanding as it is, as selfish as it is, Caelus would pluck this very moment to wrap the protective broadness of his arms around her waist. He'd pull her in from behind, ensuring that once more, she'd find herself flush against him.

There could never be a path that he'd let March walk alone. That he understands, from the goddamn bottom of his heart. "When would anything of yours be a problem to me? Don't you remember who met me in this world again with a smile?" There's a pause as a shudder of pure emotional rawness crosses through him. It was a comforting memory, a time that even returning to a hellish battlefield, offered him so much light.

March 7th bloomed from a star of ice within the merciless depths of space it, in his eyes, that holds as a symbol of hope.

Understanding with an ever brighter fervor caused him to squeeze her body closer to his, as if fully understanding a latent fear that some utter nonsense could tear her away from him.

...

Such a feeling is horrifying even to an invincible heart like his.

"How in the hell could I not like, like you too?" The vulnerability seeps into his tone. From the start, he found his answer reflecting in the heaviness of his tone. Joy and pain were content to be side by side.

"With how damn incredible you've been to me?"

The Caelus who hardly knew a thing since his re-awakening, who endured the abyss of not knowing, who was a shadow of a figure that held loyalty in some of the most dangerous in the cosmos. To March 7th, it stunned him how little it mattered the more they've come to discover. It was enough to prompt him to nestle his face against that bubble pink hair, his bated breath washing against the nape of her neck.

"We're sticking together, no matter what we've become, friends and more, that's always going to be a fact at the end of the day, you hear me?"

[interstellargatorskinboots1812]

TAPPED INTO YOUR MIND AND SOUL

SUMMARY

Arabella Shelby is tired of the antics of her twin brother Tommy. She hates how she is always left on the back-foot of what is going on. As a fierce and intelligent force to be reckoned with, she knows she is more than capable of dealing with the more unsavoury side of the Shelby Company Limited.

She's made a decision that if Tommy won't allow her to come out of the shadows, then she will make light of her own, elsewhere. But will a deal with the devil be the answer to her problems? Tommy has a proposition for Arabella and one that will see her tied to his most untrusting of business associates. Will Arabella take the plunge and start a new life in Camden, beside the most eccentric and sadistic bread makers and leader of the Jewish Gangs in London, Mr Alfie Solomons?

CHAPTER ONE: Satisfaction Seems like a Distant Memory

She can feel her patience ebbing, like the whiskey reserves behind the bar. Arabella  Shelby grinds her teeth and wills the antagonism feeding her veins, to dissipate. The room drowns in the heavy tones of men as they jeer and chat obnoxiously , each having to shout to be heard over the man behind them. Women screech and laugh uproariously trying desperately to gain some favorable attention from any of the rowdy males. Her malachite gaze looks down to her red tipped long nails, holding a now empty brandy glass . She hates the atmosphere and finds the behaviour encircling her to be stifling.  Flinching, she ducks away from the spittle flying from the faceless philanderer, trying and failing to impress her. He was a brave man to say the least, she thought. It was rare anyone dared but look at a Shelby sister. Mores the pity she muses, that each of her brothers are too overloaded with their own egos to notice and intervene with a swipe of their caps. The room stinks of tobacco, a thick and heavy film of smog seems to be connecting one body to another as it clings into the air around them. She should already be out of Birmingham, her bags have been packed since the early hours of this morning and the decision to cut out made long before that. Instead she stays in the newly refurbished Garrison, watching the vainglory antics of a family lacerated by their hunger for being high-handed.  

Her eyes train on her older brother Arthur, fresh out of jail,  as he presses a rolled up note onto the table top and inhales his second blue vial of powder with a determined fury. She surveys with intent as he scrunches his face and presses his fingers to his nose to adjust to the sensation of the toxins traveling into his system.

'Fuck sake, Arthur', she rolls her eyes as her troubled brother stands on the bar and addresses  the room under a confident pretension of shouted words. The pub listens eagerly and replies  along dutifully and in an orderly fashion to his toasts for the Small Heath Rifles, The Lane Boys and of course, to the Peaky Fucking Blinders. Pulling a wayward wave of blonde hair behind her ear, she scans the doleful faces of the crowd as they raise their glasses, each hanging onto Arthur's words like obedient children.

'The Peaky Fucking Blinders, eh?’ Arabella scoffs under her breath.

'Whose gunna stop us ?'the gravel tone of Arthur spews out. She watches . The time keeper of events from her spot in the corner booth, examining Arthur as he climbs down out of sight, the mask slips  as his brow becomes deep set and his expression dulled. She shifts her weight as the leather studs of the booth stab her fiercely in the back. Glancing across the bar to her younger brother, John she observes his dirty and paranoid glances to his wife as he knocks back yet another whiskey. As for her twin, well Tommy was nowhere to be seen. She hadn’t seen him since Epsom earlier that day, when he had told her that he needed to see her urgently for business reasons but then had seemingly disappeared into the ether. Well, she had need to see him urgently too, although he may not like her reasons.

To the outside world the Peaky Blinders were an untouchable force to be reckoned with. Raconteurs racing their way up the crime ladder and vying to be the top of the chain. Money was rolling in and reputation was building, Tommy was making a name for the Shelby Company Limited and a name for himself. However, behind the façade  the cracks were springing thick and fast. The family felt fractured and Arabella felt completely disconnected. Dealing with the legitimate side of the business, being a woman within the family, Tommy did not want her getting mixed up into the illegal and dangerous goings on. He would listen to her smart ideas before dismissing them and then re-imagining them with his own. She had begged for Tommy to take her to London to run the start of their empire down there, an ambition that Tommy had staunchly diffused, particularly after what had happened to their younger sister. 'London is no place for a woman like you, it’s heaving with trouble and violence and no sister of mine is going to get caught up in it on my behalf'.

'Pfft and here was me heeding your words of this business being a modern Enterprise that believes in equal rights for women. Those are your words Thomas, or do they only matter when it suits?'

They had argued for days over the matter, of course Thomas had won out and it was Arthur running the show down in London. Upon his arrest, however much it angered Tommy under it’s circumstances,  it made his gloating no less bearable when he reiterated that this was why she shouldn't go to the city, Arabella argued back viciously that had she been in charge down there, none of this would have happened because she had a lid on things and was not riddled with the lingering effects of war, mixed with a habit for white powder rotting her faculties.

She could face no more of being on the back foot of what was going on, of having her intelligence shunned and her opinions chewed up and hashed back out in the guise of another. The last few months had been eventful, in the precipice of war with Sabini's Italian gang and in an mistrustful partnership with another, fighting for the dominant control. What good was she to be by being the pretty face at the fucking bookmaker's reception, seemingly in the dark about everything going on beneath the surface.

Unlike her younger sister, Arabella longed to be more involved in the family business, to handle the threats, the plans and the schemes. She knew she was worth more, that she could handle more. She had repeatedly begged Tommy to allow her to be more involved but to no avail. If she couldn’t be more to the family business than somebody who handles it’s books, when it could be seen that she had so much more potential, then she didn’t want to be involved at all. She had made her decision that she would not stand by and be dismissed and so she would wait for Tommy to return to his office and she would tell him she wanted out. Family or no family, her ambitions were being stifled and she would not stand for it any longer.

'Excuse me', she says with a flash of a scowl, pushing at the shoulder of the offending would be suitor to allow her to get up. She manoeuvres the silk crepe of her yellow dress, it's horizontal pointed waistline spiking down like daggers. She couldn't wait to get home and take of the dress. It still smells of smoke from the burning bookie bonfires started by her brother's gang. She wanted to remove every last stitch of Epsom still clinging to her.

Just as she gets to her feet and moves forward, she is  hauled back. She glances down to find his fat fingers gripping at her upper arm, fingertips pushing into the flesh.

'Now come on sweetheart, I haven't finished talking to you yet'.

Momentarily, she's startled by the misogynistic manner of his speaking, The moment quickly passes though.

'Ooff!'

The air rushes from his lungs, his stomach moving to a more unnatural position , Arabella uncurls her fist from his diaphragm. His face is turning more scarlet by the second as he desperately tries to suck down more air to get his breath back. Leaning into his ear, she makes her tone curt.

'Call me sweetheart and touch me again  and  it'll be more than the air I'll take from your chest. Now, fuck off'.

Whipping her red felt hat from the viscid table, she heads for the exit without a sideways glance back. Tommy would see her tonight, alright.

                          ___________________________________

MASTERLIST HERE

TAGLIST: Let me know if you want to be added!

@lokigirlszendaya​​

[shockinteague]

inspired  by  : shock ( the nightmare before christmas )

STATISTICS.

added inspo ! ,   elphaba thropp ( wicked ) , sabrina spellman ( sabrina the teenage witch ) , norman babcock ( paranorman ) , magica despell ( ducktales ) , ridley duchannes ( beautiful creatures ) , janis ian ( mean girls ) , lydia deetz ( beetlejuice ) , kim pine ( scott pilgrim vs the world ) , ember mcclain ( danny phantom ) .

full name. sadie grace teague. faceclaim. emma mackey. dob. june 4th, 1999. zodiac. gemini. occupation. bartender / escort. birthplace. hallow falls, washington. orientation. homosexual. homoromantic. song. problem by natalia kills. film. the blair witch project. education. high school dropout. temperament. choleric. mbti. entj. alignment. neutral evil. abilities. communicating with the dead, manifest their spirits. hogwarts house. slytherin. emoji.  ( 🧹 )

PRESENT !!

sadie is here for one reason and one reason only; her brothers. the teagues are thick as thieves -- literally -- and no one is able to come between them. it’s hard to seperate people that bonded through trauma; first the wounds inflicted by their father, then by orion bartholomew. they stepped from the frying pan into the fire when it came to father figures. they had to hold onto each other, and due to their shared experiences, anyone on the outside was mistrusted immediately. in elias, this lack of trust in anyone but themselves is still very much present. sadie is a firm believer in not needing anyone else, in being fine with just the three of them, and anyone willing to take away her brothers is seen as a threat. without their mother, sadie stepped into the maternal role, trying to take care of logan and beckham as best as she can, but it’s pretty clear that she’s nowhere near ready to do so. from messed up meals saved by takeout and ordering in, to messily stitched up wounds that get infected easily because she did not clean them thoroughly enough.

she’s taken two jobs to support herself, was fired from one and is threatening to get fired from the other. turns out that customer service is not her strong point, but she can get away with more as a bartender than she could as a waitress. but what does she have to put on her resumé? dabbling in the occult, being a professional cat lady, terrorising children with scary masks even when it’s not halloween? she had to face the facts and realise that she had little to nothing to offer the world outside of hallow falls. she could no longer rely on her family to put bread on the table, so she took the first few jobs she found. but waitressing was not it (apparently, telling a customer to fuck off and get a life in response to ‘can i talk to your manager’ was not appropriate in a restaurant setting), and bartending is difficult. so she found something she was good at. 

the escort life isn’t glamorous, not in the slightest, but it pays. enough to feed the three of them, enough to have a little place to receive her clients, enough to be able to stop worrying about whether their electricity or water supply will be turned off next. so no, she’s not happy, but she’s satisfied, and that’s what matters. she has her cat (that she definitely did not reanimate after his death and restore to life. definitely not. he’s just old, it’s just a silly rumor), her books and her brothers. they’re all she needs.

PAST !!

sadie, like her two brothers, was born to carrie teague, a human, and jason teague, a demon. of course, she’d only had one brother at the time, as she came after beckham and logan came after her, but of their parentage there was no doubt. from birth, it was firmly established that the three of them could not simply be fully human. their mother was too kind, too angelic, to wonderful to have spawned those three menaces with another man, and their father was too terrible, too disgusting, too brutal to have birthed those three children with a sliver of goodness in their heart on his own. no one bothered to tell the three of them, though. so they remained in the dark, believing their mistakes were their own fault rather than their father’s.

just like her brothers, sadie had great potential. her powers manifested early on; she felt most comfortable near graveyards, talking to her friends that people around her (even in hallow falls) deemed imaginary, with a good book, her cat, and her army of ghosts. at first, they just talked to her, nudged her in the right direction and demanded a listening ear. but as she grew older, she started to refuse to listen. rebellious teenagers had problems with authority figures, and sadie was no different. whenever a ghost tried to demand something from her -- a way to help them move on, to use her as a vessel, to let their story be heard -- she refused, and it took its toll on her. she needed to be in control, but they wouldn’t let her, and whenever she lost focus for a moment, they appeared, and became visible to all, not just sadie. she’d been using her powers to keep them at bay and to protect other people from them, but it was getting harder and harder. the beings from the other side were demanding, and were now out for revenge. still, if she focused, if she stayed in control, things were fine.

actually, things were most definitely not fine. from a childhood spent hiding from an angry father and gravitating naturally towards her mother’s arms for comfort, towards the kind bookseller’s shop with little nooks to hide with her cat, to teenage years spent anxiously patching up her wounds -- and her brothers’, running away from home more times than she could count -- and always coming back for the other members of her family, to adolescence following her brothers around to a new town with new people to terrify and terrorise, to safely explore her options when it comes to her powers. but maybe that’s not what she wants anymore -- though a lifetime of sin is hard to unlearn, especially if she’s not sure what she wants.

FUTURE !!

since she dropped out of high school, walt university hasn’t been an option for sadie. elias is a place to run away to, not to settle down and have a life. but that’s what’s currently happening, as her brothers seem to have found their place and they don’t seem very hell-bent on leaving anytime soon. she’s here because of them, and because of her mother’s explicit wishes. 

so maybe she finds a reason or two to stay. a purpose, a desire. she’s a blank slate with a disturbing past, and will do anything to make sure her future is as far from bleak and blank as possible. she doesn’t have the best reputation, despite her best efforts to control it, but has no problem lying and cheating her way back into people’s good graces. needless to say, that doesn’t always work. 

TAKEN CONNECTIONS !!

logan & beckham teague - brothers. jasper skellington - annoyance. serena fain - unlikely friend / confidant / older sister figure. beatrix utonium - <3

WANTED CONNECTIONS !!

orion bartholomew - overlord. sadie doesn’t want him here, but i sure do. regulars - customers at the bar or her other job, people who came for the drink / service and stayed for the company, or those who stayed reluctantly because there was no other place to go. (ex) coworkers - she used to be a waitress at bueno nacho but was fired rather quickly, but i can imagine she made some fast friends while bitching about customers. or not? her current jobs include escorting and bartending at the snuggly duckling, which are much better fits for her. enemies - she’s a mean bitch so she probably has a few! ticked someone off on the streets, threw a middle finger where she shouldn’t have? definitely! workout buddies - sadie’s at the gym a lot, so she’d hang out with other regulars!

EXTRA’S !!

playlist [ tba ] pinterest board [ x ] full bio [ x ]

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

@carinyms you are once again rocking the tag game and I'm crying over it

SYLKITHECAT: 31 days challenge (31/31)

“What happens when people open their hearts?” “They get better.” —Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

♡♡ Started this SYLKI 31 days challenge with The Beatles, Norwegian Wood. Ending this thread, with Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood novel ♡♡

[voltopia]

I know no one cares about voltron anymore (or at least not like they used to) and tbh I don’t either but Keith is still my emotional support character I can project onto when I need to work through some emotions and I just went through an entire season worth of story arc in my head on this new au idea so hear me out.

This is a sheith au with some toxic NSFW mention so antis DNIA. Keith is a trans man as well in this au.

What if sometime before Keith goes to the quantum abyss and they find out about Lotor (but Lotor still turns out evil) Honerva hits Keith with the mind control but instead of a mindless drone she targets his insecurities and he goes full villain era where he just doesn’t give a fuck anymore. Because arguably there is a lot Keith has been through where at any point he could have said ‘fine, you want me to be the villain? I’ll be your villain’ and with the recent trend online embracing going ape shit cuz we’re tired of being nice I thought it was a valid theme to explore. There’s still so much in between I wanna say but it’s already a long post so have this for now because I had to share.

Like I can actually see Keith aligning with Lotor and Honerva’s plans to jump realities so he can join them in a world where the Galra have a home planet. Him forming an actual plan to destroy voltron because he’s resentful of their mistrust of him being Galra. Or just how they hate on the Galra for being the enemy and he takes it kind of personally. He also uses his relationship with Shiro against them. Using Shiro’s bids for him to come back against them by pointing out that he knows Shiro has feelings for him but won’t admit to them because Shiro wants to keep Keith ‘in his shadow’. Shiro would say something like ‘I want my best friend back’ and Keith would force him to say that he actually loves him in front of the paladins. Because it’s true and they were pinning so hard but Shiro thought taking the next step would complicate things for them and voltron so he really tried to maintain the status quo with their relationship and Keith is tired of it. Forget shame Keiths out to destroy the paladins for personal reasons and because they pose the biggest threat to his new mission. I imagine the paladins would still find Keith’s mom and during their next battle she’d come in to try and stop Keith but instead of sobering him it only fuels his anger toward them due to his unresolved resentment for her leaving him on earth and abandoning him.

Time goes by and developments happen in Honerva’s plan and Allura takes the RED lion (tbh it just seems more fitting I mean really it was her father’s lion why would she take Blue?). On another mission the paladins get captured (because of course they do). Shiro is still very desperate to get Keith back (the same desperation that Keith uses in the Black Paladins episode so you know I’m talking fucking desperate) and Keith at this point has very complicated feelings for Shiro like the mind control only goes so far as to convince him he’s justified but all of his actions reflect actual emotions he would have if he truly felt vengeful or righteous. So when the paladins get captured, he’d get the idea to have sex with Shiro because if he plans to kill voltron he’d morbidly want to know what being with Shiro is like before he kills him. But it’s not entirely one sided. Again Shiro is still holding out hope that he can save Keith. Of course he would much rather their first time be out of love instead of spite but again, desperate. It’s still very manipulative on Keith’s part with how he taunts and coerces. Shiro does consent though because his own feelings are a little more than fucked up about it too.

The paladins escape (because of course they do) and a few weeks pass before their next battle this time it’s the boss fight. Honerva still makes the device she uses to wormhole between realities but instead of the Alteans that she uses to fight voltron it’s Lotor and Keith. Voltron fatally wounds Keith and goes on to kill Lotor and destroy parts of Honerva’s wormhole device but Honerva herself gets away. They bring Keith’s damaged mech back to the castle (yes they still have the castle). He’s not directly wounded but the lost quintessence and oxygen deprivation means he’s barely hanging on but they get him in a pod in time and find out oh shit there’s a second heartbeat!

Cliche I know but shush. Anyway Shiro is wrecked because jesus what an emotional roller coaster having to fight your lover to near death only to find out he’s having your baby like fuck amiright? But Keith lives and is no longer under mind control so he’s understandably devastated to look back on what he did. The paladins (and for sure Allura) are a bit suspicious that Keith’s back to normal (except Shiro… poor bastard). Keith remembers everything and he can’t trust himself either because it’s not like he did all that as Honerva’s drone those were real feelings he may or may not have privately had at one time or another but they were more akin to intrusive thoughts because he has the emotional depth to understand that emotions are more nuanced than that and when he digs deeper he knows he doesn’t really feel that way. Oh and wtf now he’s pregnant, definitely some mixed feelings about that.

Sam Holt still went back to earth and builds the Atlas in time for Voltron and the Atlas to have the final boss fight with Honerva (we’re talking build and finished other than the crystal they need to jumpstart it so it doesn’t take them long to meet up on earth and plan the fight). (And for some added drama Keith is only in say the first trimester so he’s still mostly in fighting shape and he tries to help from the sidelines which freaks out Shiro but Krolia steps in to help so it’s a good bonding moment between her and Keith).

They win against Honerva, Allura lives goddamnit and Shiro and Keith go on to have the baby lol. I also imagine Keith would have a really fast birth for some reason idk something about higher Galra pain tolerance and him being oblivious so by the time he gets to labor and delivery he’s already like fully dilated lmao.

Damn I really wanted to write the full fic when I was thinking about it but now that I’ve finished the thought I’m gonna have to get back in the mood to actually write it…

Hmmm.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Unlikely friends: Imagine being Toph’s cousin and befriending Azula, much to the gang’s horror and confusion as it starts to become something more...

Note: The is loosely based on the comic the search which takes place after the tv show ended

Part two here

part three here

Your pov

You’d never been exposed to Azula much. Of course you knew who she was, everyone in the four nations did, but you’d never met her face to face. You only joined the gang after Zuko was firelord and so the first time you met her was when Zuko recruited her to help find his mother.

You were at the royal palace when Zuko revealed his sister would be coming on the trip with the rest of you. The others all gasped as a girl appeared beside Zuko but you just blinked confused. The girl in front of you was your age, average to small height and honestly just looked tired and worn down. You’d heard Azula had been locked up for a year due to her mental health difficulties and you couldn’t understand how the others didn’t see this all over her.

Zuko noticed you staring at Azula and realised you’d never met before. “Ow you don’t know each other....y/n this is Azula, Azula this is y/n Toph’s cousin”. “Hmmm a Beifong so not a peasant but earth kingdom scum is still earth kingdom scum” Azula replied glancing over you. “Azula!” Zuko snapped but you just shrugged “it’s fine, nice to meet you Azula”. Azula blinked at you confused at the notion any one of her brother’s friends would ever be pleased to see her. She stared at you before moving past you. “Sorry she’s....like that” Zuko commented and you smiled “no need to apologise, i’m sure after everything she’s been through this is hard for her, tracking your mother down...I bet she’s very nervous to be seeing her again, that’s probably why she’s lashing out”. Zuko frowned “I guess, I hadn’t thought of it that way...”.

Throughout the trip you had more patience with Azula than the others because you empathised with her. Yes, she was rude and snarky but you could tell she was only doing that to get a reaction out of the people she knew hated her. You’d grown up with difficult people who liked to annoy an reaction out of you (your cousin was Toph freaking Beifong) and so you knew they usually did it when they didn’t feel welcome or good about themselves. So you never responded to Azula’s quips about you or retaliated in any way and slowly she stopped. Soon you noticed you were the only one in the group who Azula didn’t rush to attack. She largely acted like you weren’t there but you took that as a good sign. If it was just the two of you she seemed more relaxed, less guarded and you were glad you had that effect on her. You wanted her to know not everyone hated her and apparently she did. 

Obviously however Azula couldn’t just be alone with you the whole trip. She was surrounded by the gang who rightfully mistrusted and intensely disliked her. It was a stressful environment and you saw its growing mark on Azula each day...

You usually took the main night watch as you didn’t need as much sleep as the others and you’d noticed while everyone else slept soundly Azula would often jerk and mutter in her sleep endlessly. One night it was particularly bad. Azula curled up into herself and her mutterings sounded more like whimpers. You tried to ignore it and just focus on your book but after a while you couldn’t. So you approached her slowly and realised she must be having a particularly bad nightmare. Azula” you called trying to wake her up. When the girl didn’t respond you walked closer and knelt down beside her “Azula?” you called shaking her slightly. Azula jolted awake suddenly, sitting up so fast she almost headbutted you. She flinched away from you, fire at her fingertips before she blinked “ow it’s just you, what were you doing leaning over me?”. “You were having a nightmare I was trying to wake you” you replied and Azula glared “impossible nightmares are for weak people and children”. You laughed “no they’re not! Everyone gets nightmares, it’s not something you can control and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak”. Azula huffed sitting up and pulled her legs into her chest “well either way I wasn’t having one okay?”. You nodded your head raising your hands in surrender “fine”. Silence settled and you looked at her “well i’m going to go sit back by the fire, you can join me if you want. It’d be nice to have some company”. Azula huffed “no thank you” she said sarcastically and you shrugged “suit yourself but the invite is there”.

You sat down by the fire and returned to your book. You heard Azula shuffling around and after a few minutes saw her stand up and head towards you. You pretended not to notice as Azula got closer and only looked up when she reached the campfire. “Since you rudely woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep I’ve decided to sit here, there’s no point just laying on the floor”. You nodded your head “that makes sense” and smiled slightly. Azula looked down embarrassed but seemed grateful you didn’t push it. You sat in comfortable silence, only talking fleetingly and it was calm and neutral. Azula looked the most relaxed and normal you’d ever seen her and sure enough she soon fell back to sleep. You smiled and grabbed a blanket laying it over her. She may be difficult but difficult people were that way because they were hurting. You could sense that in Azula and didn’t want to cause her any more harm. You thought Azula could sense your intentions to her were different than the other’s and that’s why she behaved differently with you. Every time you interacted you saw more of Azula, the healthy happier Azula, but all the walls went back up as soon as the others were around. It upset you Azula didn’t feel comfortable with the others but at least feeling comfortable with one person was a start.

3 days later

You were finally only one day away from reaching the village Zuko’s mom was in and you all sat around discussing what to do next. Well apart from Azula, she was always made to stand away when you discussed plans, nobody forced her to but she felt unwelcomed so would usually go sulk out of earshot. It was decided you’d make the journey the next morning rather than arriving in the middle of the night. You nodded along with the plans before standing up and heading off in Azula’s direction “okay i’ll go let her know”. “Let who know?” Katara asked and you paused “Azula, she doesn’t know the plan”. “So?” Zuko asked and you hesitated “well shouldn’t we tell her....i mean she’s a part of the group now, she deserves to know what we’re dragging her into”. Aang nodded, Toph and Sokka shrugged but Katara and Zuko didn’t look convinced. “Fine i guess” Zuko shrugged and you nodded, going to get Azula from her stance by the woods. The gang all watching on confused. 

The next day

You reached Ursa’s village the next day and found her home easily. She was thrilled to see her children again and the town threw a large party to celebrate the return of Ursa’s son the fire lord. You all attended and the whole gang looked so happy to finally be off the road and in a house, Zuko especially was in high spirits. He was beaming, a grin spread from ear to ear and you smiled to see he hadn’t left his mother’s side since he’d found her again. You saw Zuko’s family, his mom, new little sister Kiyi and stepdad all sat together and paused....they looked like a perfect happy family but someone was missing. You glanced around and saw Azula was outside, as far away from the happy occasion as she could get and was staring intensely at the surrounding scenery. You made your way outside and Azula jumped. “Only me” you said holding up a hand and Azula lowered her hands but her shoulders were still tensed “what do you want?”. “Nothing” you shrugged “just wanted to see if you were okay”. “Of course i’m okay” Azula snapped and you frowned. Over the period you’d spent travelling you’d seen Azula improve, she was less jumpy and agitated but the second you’d reached her mother’s town she was right back at square one. Her mother had been the reason for her initial mental breakdown and you were worried something like this could set her over the edge again. You knew Azula wasn’t one for small talk but wanted her to feel less alone so started talking to her. “You know I haven’t seen my family in 5 years?”. Azula didn’t attack you so you carried on. “They sent me to go live with Toph’s parents when I was 12 and I haven’t seen them since. To be honest it wasn’t a big move I was at Toph’s all the time but still to make it permanent... My father...he worked a lot so I never saw him even when I was home but as for my other family. My mom and I never saw eye to eye on anything, she hated all my decisions and honestly I think she was glad when I left...it gave her more time to focus on my brothers. Her favourites, she’s always preferred my brothers to me just because they’ll carry on the name or whatever”. You trailed off and Azula raised an eyebrow “are you actually trying to bond with me over mommy issues?”. You paused and rushed to explain you weren’t trying anything when you saw Azula had a slight smirk on her face and so you smiled. “Why not?” you asked “my point is, my parents were never there for me and I turned out fine! They only have as much power over you as you let them. Azula tutted “you should save the philosophy for Aang y/n”. You smiled “I probably should but all i’m saying is you’re not a product of what they’ve done to you unless you let yourself be, unless you hold onto that anger. I’ve forgiven my mother and father for how they treated me”. Azula spun on you and you jumped to see how angry she suddenly looked. “You expect me to believe after all she did to you, you forgave her? How stupid do you think I am?”. “I have” you said confused “I hold no anger towards my mother anymore”. “Well you should” Azula commented “she doesn’t deserve anything less”. You shrugged “maybe so but that anger was causing me way more harm than it was her”. Azula didn’t respond and you frowned. “I haven’t forgotten what she...what all my family did to me and I haven’t let them off for it, I set boundaries and refuse to let them treat me that way anymore...but I also don’t fixate over what happened, it happened, it was in the past and that’s where it should stay...that’s where I make it stay, I won’t let it take up any more of my time”. Silence settled and as time stretched on you stopped expecting a reply. That was fine with you, you just hoped any part of what you’d said had made Azula feel a little better. “I’m cold so i’m going to head back inside, you could come with me? I hate entering parties alone” you tried to joke but Azula didn’t glance at you. You shrugged and started back inside when Azula sighed and appeared beside you “come on then, if I must hold your hand with everything”. You grinned as you realised this was Azula’s way of saying she’d come back to the party with you. “But we’re getting food” Azula told you “i’m starving, that food Sokka hands out is awful”. You grinned as you walked in together “blubbered seal jerky, it is awful but it does sustain you”, Azula wrinkled her nose in disgust and you laughed. “I never figured you a picky eater”. “I’m not” Azula said defiantly “but i refuse to eat any animal’s blubber” she commented piling a plate with food. Not wanting to make her eat alone you copied her and filled a plate too. You found a table near the outskirts of the party and sat down together. Azula tucked into her food and you were surprised at her appetite though you knew you shouldn’t be. The girl was a machine of muscle and strength, of course she ate a lot. Still you watched impressed as Azula cleared her plate "you were hungry" you grinned and Azula smirked "why do you never believe me?". "I don’t know maybe your whole history with manipulation?". Azula’s smirk vanished and you worried you’d gone too far when she laughed. It was odd seeing her face contort into a laugh and her shoulders shake but a good weird. You liked seeing it and felt very proud you’d made the fearsome and dreadful Azula laugh. So proud you didn’t even notice that your and Azula’s table was getting attention.

Ursa’s POV

Ursa’s head shot up as she heard a vaguely familiar but sorely missed sound and her eyes landed on Azula almost instantly. Azula was laughing! She was smiling at a friend and appeared happy. Joy filled Ursa’s heart and she felt her eyes tear up to see her daughter happy. "Mother?" Zuko asked and she jumped. "Are you okay?" Zuko asked and she nodded "it’s just your sister...". "What has she done now?" Zuko snapped and Ursa shook her head "nothing! I just, i know i showed favourites and i always regretted leaving you both, i worried it would impact you both beyond repair especially Azula but then i saw her smiling...". Zuko followed his mothers gaze not believing her until he saw Azula beside you. His mother was right, Azula was actually smiling...well her form of a smile which was more of an upturned lip but still for Azula that was insane. "Who is her friend?" Ursa asked "she seems lovely". "Y/n" Zuko said confused "i didn’t even know they were friends" he was ashamed to admit. Ursa noticed and patted his back "i know things can’t have been easy and i’m sorry for my part in that but things can only get better now, for all of us" she said glancing back to Azula and Zuko nodded "apparently so".

Your POV

After the party was finished you were heading to your shared room with Toph when Katara appeared "y/n can we talk?". You shrugged and motioned for her to follow you into the room. She did and once inside you turned to her expectantly. "What are you doing are you insane!" she burst. You blinked "come again?". "Since when are you friends with Azula! Why would you want to be? What is wrong with you?". You took in the comments and breathed "erm...i guess we’ve become friends over the journey, i have spent the most time with her, i didn’t try to become friends with her i just talked to her and treated her like a human and it kind of just happened. As for what’s wrong with me....how long have you got?". Toph laughed and Katara glared "y/n this isn’t funny, don’t you remember all she’s done!". You rolled your eyes "ow yeah all water under the bridge...of course i haven’t forgotten what she's done but i have seen enough of her to know she’s just as broken as Zuko, she’s human Katara and she deserves the decency of being treated like one". Katara tutted "i don’t remember seeing an inch of humanity in her". "Well i’m sure if you start really looking at her you'll find it" you said sharply "now I’m going to bed so goodnight" and you turned away from the water bender letting her know this conversation was over.

Mai’s POV After Ursa had been found everyone returned to the fire nation to celebrate. Zuko was the happiest Mai had ever seen him but he wasn’t the only one who returned from the journey oddly happy. Thanks to her help Azula hadn’t been locked back up upon her return and she was freely roaming the palace. Old habits die hard and Mai found herself watching the girl who’d tormented her through her childhood and was surprised by what she saw. Azula had made a friend and one that actually seemed to genuinely like her judging by your smile. "So...Azula and y/n seem to get on" Mai commented and Zuko nodded amazed that this friendship had formed and that Azula was here at the party at all. He figured knowing their mother would be here she’d have run and hidden but here she was. "They seem quite close" Mai carried on "are they...is it more than a friendship?". Zuko paused "what?". Ty lee nodded "i was thinking the same thing, notice how Azula hardly looks away from her?". Mai nodded and Zuko frowned, clearly lost in the conversation. "I don’t know...i don’t think so" he babbled. Mai rolled her eyes at how clueless Zuko was "well is y/n or has y/n ever dated anyone to your knowledge". "No..." Zuko frowned. "They’re so dating" Ty lee grinned and Zuko frowned "are you sure? I mean my sister...date anyone?". Mai shook her head "you know she is a human being right Zuko? And an attractive one at that, i wouldn’t be surprised if she and y/n kindled something it's actually rather...sweet".

 Azula’s POV

Azula had only agreed to come to this party because you were going to be here and also because she’d been assured her mother wouldn’t try anything with her. Still Azula had been apprehensive to attend and the second you left her side her suspicions were confirmed. She was ambushed.  "Sooooo" Azula heard and turned to see an old friend? Ex friend? She still wasn’t sure but either way there was Ty lee grinning her. "Ty lee" she nodded at her curtly. "It’s good to see you" Ty lee smiled "i noticed you and y/n seem close". Azula raised an eyebrow, Ty lee was never good at being subtle and clearly meant something more with those words. "If you’re worried she’s beating you in the rankings of friendship you needn’t worry, you dropped right out of there the minute you betrayed me". Ty lee paused and Azula smirked "your face, you always were too easy to fool". Ty lee laughed nervously, Azula knew how to joke now?  "But seriously what’s up with you and y/n? Is it friends....is it more?". Azula paused "more?". "Well you guys just seemed very close" Ty lee shrugged "almost couple-y". Azula paused, this was a new perspective for her, she hadn’t even thought about her friendship with you or that it could be something more....now the idea was there she realised it wasn’t such a bad one.  She liked you, she thought you were nice to be around and funny. Not to mention you were beautiful and athletic. Azula thought it over while Ty lee almost burst. "So?" Ty lee finally asked and Azula paused. She didn’t want Ty lee to go around telling people before she even knew what she wanted so she shook her head "me and y/n are just friends". Ty lee looked disappointed "ow...well i’m still glad you’ve got such a good friend, you look a lot happier than i’ve ever seen you" Ty lee smiled and Azula realised she was. Even here at the palace where she had so many bad memories it wasn’t as bad anymore. Azula suspected a lot of that was because of you and felt a blush rise to her cheeks. How hadn’t she worked this out sooner? 

A few days later

All good things had to come to an end. With the mission a success the avatar and all his friends were leaving the fire nation soon and Azula knew you were planning on leaving too. You were going to help the little earth bender with her school. Azula knew Toph was the person you cared most about in the world so of course you’d want to go with her but part of her wished you wouldn’t. She wished you had nothing to pull you away from her.

She’d heard from Zuko you were leaving soon and so she debated back and forth if she should come see you to say goodbye or just let you go. As the time trickled away and the day of your departure arrived she decided to just swallow her pride and come and find you. She found you in your room in the palace doing some very late packing. You had apparently just finished as she found you lining up your luggage for the trip. “Azula” you said happily spotting her and she couldn’t help but smile “hi y/n”. “Hello” you smiled “how are you?”. “I’m good, and you?”. “Great” you smiled “we’re all set to leave soon! I can’t wait to get home”. Azula nodded “I can imagine” and stared at the floor. “Is everything okay?” you asked and Azula tensed. “Everything’s fine I just wanted to say goodbye”  Azula shrugged meeting your eye and smiling slightly. She thought she’d been pretty convincing but apparently not.

Your POV

"Azula what’s wrong? I can tell somethings bothering you" you said frowning and came to stand closer to her. You could tell she was nervous, something you’d rarely seen on the firebender’s face. "I...i was just wondering when you were coming to the fire nation again?". You paused "well i’m not sure honestly, i guess whenever the gang comes again, why have you got a big festival coming up or something?". Azula shook her head "no we don’t...". She sounded disappointed and an idea formed in your head, did Azula not want you to go? "The gang might be too busy to just swing by but that doesn’t mean i can’t" you said testing the water and saw Azula’s eyes widen and her cheeks flush slightly. "I think that would be nice" she said looking down and you smiled softly. Azula wanted you around! "Yeah?" you asked and Azula nodded "i guess i’ve become...accustomed to your presence" she said.

You almost laughed that this was what Azula thought was an honest compliment. No, Azula could do better than that so you prompted her.

"Accustomed to my presence?" you asked raising an eyebrow and Azula searched for words before sighing. "I like being around you" she shrugged going red "so you coming back to the fire nation wouldn’t be a bad thing i guess". You grinned "you’d cope with that idea?". Azula nodded her head still blushing "i would". You laughed and couldn’t stop smiling at Azula’s blush. "Well in that case i’d be more than happy to have regular visits, not to mention you can come visit me and Toph at her school anytime you want". "I can?" Azula asked and you nodded "of course! You think i’d leave you all alone with these firebenders and no escape route". Azula smiled at you, a genuine happy smile and nodded her head "that’s...thank you, i’m sure i’ll be taking you up on that offer frequently". "As much as you want" you said taking her hand "i mean it Azula, even if it’s just for a few hours or a night, you’re always welcome with me". Azula stared at you and wondered again how she hadn’t realised she liked you before. It was so obvious to her now, she only hoped it wasn’t so obvious to you but judging by the fact she had a permanent blush this whole time she wasn’t too sure about that. Azula nodded "thank you y/n" and you smiled "no problem". You carried on looking at her before blushing at your close proximity and stepped away. "So i best be going but expect many letters". Azula chucked and you shrugged "what? I’m not kidding? I love writing letters, you will receive many from me, once a day if you’re lucky". Azula smiled "i promise to reply to every single one" and you grinned "you better". You started towards the door and stopped to look back at her. "I’ve really enjoyed our time together and I just wanted you to know...i think you’re pretty amazing”. Azula blushed "thank you....you’re also very good". You chuckled at her awkward reply and smiled "all i meant was, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough, from where i’m standing...that’s not the case at all, in any way". Azula’s face turned an even deeper shade of red and you smiled. "Anyway i’ll go now, bye Azula". "Bye y/n" she managed and with a last smile you were gone. Azula immediately felt a pang of loneliness but then thought of what you’d do. She took a few deep breaths and repeated what you’d told her. She was good enough, she was more than good enough, she didn’t need to be insecure or cruel. She opened her eyes, let out a sigh and turned to her daily tasks. She'd see you again soon enough and only 13 hours until your promised daily letter, Azula could wait that long.

____

I absolutely love this idea of Azula finding someone she can be open and vulnerable with and might make this into a 3 part series??

[assaily]

I thought about saving this one, but i’ve been sharing it around for a while, so i may as well share it here, too.

Context: Allison and Diego borrow some empathy powers and use them to try and gain some insight on Five

Allison sipped her coffee for lack of anything better to do. She dallied for a time, unsure how to proceed, suddenly aware of the heavy weight that clung to them, and wondered if this was normal. It could have been exhaustion, considering the dark shadows beneath Five’s eyes. It felt deeper than just a bad night of sleep. This was what she’d been afraid of, what she was fully expecting to find and now found herself feeling diminished beneath.

“You hungry?” she asked when Five finished his coffee.

“No,” Five answered, the question hardly a blip on his radar.

“I could eat,” Diego said. Five usually said no to the offer of food unless it was put in front of him. He couldn’t resist once it was there, thankfully, so this little dance of two siblings pretending to cook for each other and secretly cooking for Five was not new. If Five himself noticed, he never said anything about it.

Allison got up from the table, snatching Five’s mug from beneath his fingers. He had been mindlessly tracing the rim and was genuinely startled from his thoughts when Allison took it from him. He said nothing, attention suddenly on her like a scalpel. She wasn’t sure if it was the power or her own imagination that made his scrutiny feel sharper than usual. She set a skillet to heat and refilled Five’s cup before taking it back to the table for him.

Suspicion burned at the hairs on her arms and she took a step back to meet Five’s piercing gaze. “What?” she asked.

“You’re being nice,” he muttered, an observation and a question rolled into one. He wanted to know why, he wanted to know what she wanted.

“Nothing,” she reassured without thinking. “I mean,” she corrected quickly when Diego gave her a sharp look. “I’m just feeling weird and you look tired. I miss my daughter,” she admitted, feeling suddenly vulnerable.

Five blinked, something swirling around them at her admittance, a little like irritation, a lot like muted affection. “I’m not your kid, Allison, you don’t need to dote on me.”

She smiled around the confusing mix dusting the room. “Refilling your coffee is hardly doting,” she replied in a daze.

He shrugged, eyes falling down from her, the sharp focus softening at last. He took a sip of the coffee and it tasted like acceptance. She turned back to the fridge, fighting a smile as she pulled the sausages from the top shelf and added them to the pan. Soon the kitchen was filled with the sounds of sizzling and the smell of food; the anxiety had eased into something quiet and tired and easy to ignore.

She whisked eggs in a bowl, added milk and cheese and cooked it in the same pan as the sausage drippings once they’d finished. She divvied the food up on three plates and set them on the table. The whole meal took her less than twenty minutes, hardly any trouble at all but it felt good to do something for them. It soured when a flood of dread and disgust spilled across the table the moment she put the plate in front of Five. Her movements stuttered, taken by surprise, hesitating to watch him spear a sausage with the fork and nibble on one end like he hadn’t felt anything.

She exchanged a look with Diego, who’d paused mid-bite to watch Five as well.

Irritation suddenly simmered between them, a striking indecisiveness between anger and the urge to flee, anxiety washing over them again. It happened so fast, her and Diego nearly drowned in it. She put her own plate down before she dropped it, and moved to sit. The scrape of the chair on the floor was like someone physically hitting her.

“Five,” she said, her voice swimming.

Diego put down his fork, food untouched, and reached across the table to put a hand on Five’s shoulder. The old man vanished in a pop of light and reappeared by the counter next to the coffee pot. He poured himself another cup, his body lax and his movements smooth in sharp contrast to swirl of indignant rage pounding at the walls.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on with you too, but I don’t want to be involved.” He took a long slurp from the coffee, turning to regard them over the rim of it. “Play your games with someone else.” And with that he disappeared in a pop of light, leaving behind the traces of bitter irritation.

-

“Maybe it was breakfast?”

“What was wrong with eggs and sausage?” Diego asked.

Allison had no idea. Five was a bit weird about food, but she supposed surviving a few decades in an apocalypse could mess with someone’s ability to have a healthy relationship with eating. He was so skinny, and seemed to get skinnier every day. It was a challenge getting him to eat.

“Maybe he doesn’t like them.”

“Does Five like anything?” Diego asked. “Besides coffee.”

“Fluffernutters,” Allison said. It was the only thing she’d ever seen him choose for himself, besides the time he pilfered all the canned peaches from the cupboards and Klaus found them stashed under his bed. “Fruit?”

For lunch Allison asked Mom to chop up a fruit salad. Five emerged from his room around eleven a.m. like clockwork, usually for coffee. He arrived in the kitchen through one his rips, immediately splashing the room with an emotion that tasted like gunmetal. Allison couldn’t describe it other than dark, sardonic, and irritable. It twisted with the bleeding rawness she had felt earlier. 

Five stopped in the doorway, dread spilling forth when he saw her and Diego waiting for him. And he knew they’d been waiting, she could feel him realize it, suspicion mixing with the dread. He scowled at them, a classically abrasive Five expression that she wouldn’t have blinked twice at yesterday.

It was surreal feeling the tumult underneath it.

Five went for the coffee. “Is there a reason you two are still here?”

“We live here,” Diego said.

“Don’t you have a job?” He said to Diego, voice and intonation both sharp and accusing.

“It’s my day off.”

“So you spend it sitting around the kitchen? What a productive use of your time.”

“Oh yeah?” Diego asked, temper flaring predictably. “What do you do around here all day? Huh?”

A bitterness, dark and sharp, encased the room like tar, bubbling with frustration and a delicately muted rage that felt utterly ancient. There was something there Allison wasn’t quite seeing, something deeper than whatever foul mood he was in.

“Why are you mad, Five?” Allison cut the tension like a knife, going against the grain.

“I’m not angry,” Five said, most definitely defending himself.

“You came down here and immediately started picking a fight,” she pointed out, watching his eyes dart from her to Diego and back again, caught out. 

He scoffed, glancing down at the coffee cup in his hand, and she felt him switch at the realization. “Oh,” he said, folding inward on himself. Anger still shimmered off him, but it felt like he was trying to pull it back in, drink it down with the bitter burn of coffee in his throat. “The math is being uncooperative,” he gestured above his head in the general direction of his room several floors above them.

“Well you don’t have to take it out on us, you ass,” Diego said, his voice forgiving despite his words.

Shame descended like a fog, settling like an ache against her breast bone. She gestured at the table, desperate to dissipate that cloud. “Mom made fruit.”

Five glanced at her from beneath his bangs but latched onto the change in subject. “Made, huh?”

“She didn’t ‘make’ the fruit, she cut it up though. Do you want some?”

There was a bubble of emotions that came up in the form of hesitation, it was old and complicated and Allison didn’t know how to sift through it fast enough to make any sense of it. Five pursed his lips, shrugged one shoulder and stepped over, holding his coffee in one hand casually. He considered the medley, genuinely perusing the selection, which was more than she could say for breakfast. He chose a pitted peach, cut in half, pulling it from the mix with slender fingers.

“That’s all?”

“Hmm?” he paused, dropping the peach-half back into the salad.

“You can take more,” she felt compelled to inform him.

“I know,” he said, which struck her for the lie it was. She had to swallow that quickly lest it show on her face.

“Get a bowl, take as much as you want.” He could take the whole damn thing, if it pleased him, and none of them would stop him or even admonish him.

The prickle of suspicion resurfaced, and he withdrew his hand away from the bowl, staring at her. His eyes flicked to Diego, mistrust wafting up like a foul smell. He leaned back, straightening to his full height and it was like a veil descended over him, and him alone. A muting of everything, like a layer of cloud, fog, or smoke that socked him in, pushing them out. He took a sip of his coffee, still watching them, before vanishing again in a pop of light.

Diego sighed, deflating next to her. “You can’t push directly, you keep spooking him.”

She groaned in frustration, pillowing her face on her arms on the table. “And here I thought this would be easier than trying to guess.”

She startled up when a returning pop announced Five’s re-arrival. He landed inches from the table wielding a knife from god knows where, which he used to spear several large pieces of fruit. He vanished again without pretense, leaving her stunned and blinking. 

From somewhere upstairs, peach flavored delight bloomed on her tongue.

[fictionadventurer]

I like your post about the Hunger Games and agree with most of it, but I still think the love triangle was unnecessary and people are right to criticize it. Collins could have very easily written Gale as the best friend and Peeta as her main love (based on endgame choices) or vice versa I don't even care since I'm not a big shipper of either. But she did introduce the unnecessary drama that overall did not add much to the plot, and it only took away focus. So I think I understand that crit.

Once upon a time, I might have agreed with you. These are good books, important books, and we don’t need to defile this war epic by shoving in teenage-hormone love-triangle dramatics. Then I reread the series, and I was astonished at how, for the most part, the love story is inextricably intertwined with the action-adventure elements. You can’t take out the love-triangle elements without creating a very different book with a very different message. That love-triangle, far from defiling the war story, elevates it into something better.

It starts almost immediately in the first book. We see how Katniss has a deep friendship with Gale, something that could turn into romance, except that she doesn’t dare to go down that path. There’s no place for marriage, and definitely not for new children, in their broken world. She only has energy for day-to-day survival. And once Katniss goes into the Hunger Games, romance is definitely off the table. She needs to harden her heart and make no human connections with the people around her if she wants to have even the slimmest chance of making it back home to her family. In a lesser book, she’d be right��there’d be no goopy romance to distract us from the hard-bitten survival epic that the Hunger Games is supposed to be.

But then Peeta declares his love for her. Suddenly, she’s part of an epic romance on national television. She wants nothing to do with this strategy–love makes you look weak. (And doesn’t that sound a lot like people who criticize the YA love triangle?) But Haymitch counters that it makes her desirable to the audience, and suddenly the thing that had seemed so burdensome becomes necessary to her survival. She needs to play the game–and once they’re in the arena, she needs to figure out if it is a game to Peeta. Peeta has already shown himself capable of manipulating the emotions of all of Panem–is it possible that he’s manipulating her?

This is the real brilliance of the first book’s romance. It doesn’t distract from the main conflict–it is the main conflict. Like so many other teenage girls, Katniss asks herself, “Does this teenage boy like me?”, but in this case the answer is literally a matter of life and death. If he loves her, she can trust him to help her survive. If he doesn’t, he could kill her at any time.

By the time she finds out that his love is real, she has to fake romantic feelings toward him to draw in sponsors. Now she’s manipulating his emotions to survive, and she can’t hope to untangle what’s real and what’s fake in this manufactured mess of a reality show. But Peeta’s influence has shown her that love isn’t pointless in the Hunger Games–it’s the only way for them to truly fight back. She chooses love for Peeta–whether romantic or not–over her own life, and that’s the only reason that, for the first time in history, two victors manage to beat the Capitol at their own game. Katniss won not by being the best warrior, but by showing love. The love story wasn’t a distraction–it was the solution.

It’s only in Catching Fire that she has to deal with the consequences of that. She was willing to die for Peeta, but she’s not sure she wants to live with him, especially since their relationship started under such unreal circumstances. She’d much rather leave the Games–and Peeta–behind and return to the life she knew before. That life included Gale, and Katniss is, for the first time, willing to consider him as a romantic partner. If her romance with Peeta was fake, is it possible that she could have real romance with her best friend?

This is the point where the love triangle comes into full swing, and I’ll admit this is the book where it’s integrated most clumsily. It seems like Katniss is taking some unnecessary risks in pursuing a relationship with Gale, and the plot sometimes comes to a screeching halt so Katniss can think about her emotions. But even if the plot integration isn’t as smooth as it was in the first book, the thematic relevance of the love triangle is still spot-on. Katniss has to think about what she wants–cling to her old life or dive into this new post-Hunger Games world? Does love have a place in this world at war? And when we think about the question in that way, the sloppy integration of the love story into the main action plot is kind of the point. Katniss may be instigating a war, but she’s still a teenage girl. She still has emotions, but she’s being forced to hide or fake so many of them that she doesn’t know who she is, what she wants, or who she wants to be. How can she discover her identity, hold onto her humanity, in the middle of a war?  

Mockingjay is where we get the answer to those questions. With Peeta imprisoned in the Capitol and the war underway, Katniss is saved from having to make an immediate decision about her romance. She echoes every romance-hating fan’s thoughts when she says:

The very notion that I’m devoting any thought to who I want presented as my lover, given our current circumstances, is demeaning.

There’s a war going on! There’s no time for love triangles! But it’s only when she’s not being forced to pursue romance with Peeta that she can really evaluate her relationship with Gale–and she’s finding that it’s not as strong as she thought. When she needs advice, she gets it from Prim, not Gale. When she needs someone who understands the trauma of killing, she goes to Finnick or Johanna. Now that Katniss and Gale don’t have the shared bond of having to care for their families–who are kept safe and fed by District 13–they’re finding that they don’t have much else in common. Katniss is mistrustful of Coin, while Gale is part of her inner circle. Katniss kills only when she has to during the war, while Gale treats weapon design as a fun challenge. This exploration of their relationship isn’t a distraction from the main plot. They’re what make the main plot mean something. This is the lens through which Katniss considers her views on violence, on war, on life, on what the point of their fight is. She and Gale literally have arguments about utilitarian principles! It’s only by exploring and then severing this leg of the love triangle that Katniss finds out who she is and what she really believes.

Collins couldn’t explore these issues in the same way if either Gale or Peeta wasn’t presented as a romantic interest. The nature of eros is desire, and the whole point of the Peeta vs. Gale question is Katniss figuring out what she wants out of life. She needs to be drawn to both of them, in the same kind of relationship, if the question and answer are to mean anything. Does Katniss want her old life, with Gale as the most important person, with his anger driving her to fight for survival by any means necessary? Or does she want a new life with Peeta, where they live for something beyond mere survival? Which man, which philosophy, does she want to devote her life to? If Peeta was the love interest and Gale was only the best friend, she could have both in her life. But you can’t resolve the trilogy’s central question by having Katniss compromise. Choosing one side means she can’t choose the other–and the only relationship that requires such an exclusive choice is a love triangle. Far from distracting from the main plot, the love triangle is what elevates it, takes it beyond a war story where the only question is how the characters will survive, and makes it into a story that tells us how the characters are going to live.

[broken-balance-baby]

a meta post for an AU playlist

this post goes out to @swearingcactus for managing to read all of forgotten idols and their intertwined destinies while simultaneously screaming at me. last night was a blast homie, now i've been plunged back into au brainrot, enough to deduce that i still love this playlist. Please, enjoy it as you play it, kids, there's a lot to delve in with my mental illness being projected onto this story. This post contains spoilers from the fic, though if you're planning on reading that fic I assume you can wait until you finish to finally understand the context I'm explaining behind this.

So without further ado, here we go!

The Setlist(TM):

Karma - Sarah Kinsley

Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde

American Money - BORNS

Reset Me, I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves

Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

Cure, Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas

From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Body High - Mystery Skulls

Sideways, Primavera - Santana

Misery - Maroon 5

Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth

It Will Come Back, Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier

Sex n' Drugs, Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad

Swoon - Beach Weather

Poplar St. - Glass Animals

Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH

Old Soul - Saint Motel

Enchanted, My Prayer - The Platters

Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack

Excuses - Shakey Graves

Superposition - Young the Giant

Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

1. On Heartbreak/Betrayal and Trust Issues

Karma - Sarah Kinsley | Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Up To No Good - The Hoosiers | Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH | Excuses - Shakey Graves | Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

Tell me, fortune teller Will I let another broken heart in?

I think this one holds up an obvious choice of words. We'll be going back to this later on in the essay, but I'd like to preface these lyrics as a way of understanding what being broken, surrounded by broken people does. Bhadra fears that the next person in her life will be broken; crooked, all wrong, someone who would fuck her up in the worst ways possible, as well as also unable to let herself relive the kind of heartbreak she went through as a child. This goes the same for Diego; after the events of part 2 it began to become unbearable to just let himself be. Will he let himself get his heart broken again? Will he let his fears get to him? Who knows.

'Cause I remember the rush when forever was us Before all of the winds of regret and mistrust Now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost Well, I guess I should go, yeah, I guess I should go

This song was honestly too good not to put into this playlist. Aside from the fact this will come back in multiple points later on, this verse specifically highlights the calm before the storm, the multitude of "it's over, this is the past, and I have to move on," details upon details that paint how much the love was still there even if it was going to be gone forever. The death of a loved one will never truly leave when their things still remain, after all. This is Bhadra's acceptance of never getting the time she had hope for Ajay to the fullest extent, for him to be the man that would save her and her country, so she decides, yes: she has to go. She has to move on. At least by the final chapter/epilogue, she finally says a proper goodbye to him and the life that she'd known for the past 32 years of her life.

Yeah, I don't wanna live like this Where were you when we needed you the most? I know exactly what you think So I'll push 'till I see you no more

Diego is tired. He's sick of psychosis, he's sick of the repetition that his life gave him. Where the most important figures of his life were were long dead and gone, he still sees them as hallucinations and delusions, people he thought he was allowed to need were simply there to haunt him. So what does he do? He works it out, unable to take medications at first, goes about his life as El Presidente like it's normal. But then, as Eric and Gary rolled into Yara, he realized something: he wanted to break this cycle. He wanted to break this repetition, this mundanity like he did before, even if his demons sat on his shoulders while doing it. He needed them, lost them, and they came back to haunt him until he couldn't take it anymore.

Words drip like honey dear how sweet it is to hear But not everything that you are presented is as it appears So he tells you love you now?

Oh, you think he's looking lovingly at you But it's nowhere near the truth

Another one for Bhadra's distorted affections for Ajay, but it comes with the price of having to deal with a man blind to his own volition. Bhadra's perception of Ajay prior to his betrayal is a warped one, idolizing and pressuring him to be something that he couldn't possibly achieve as a man on his own. She loved him, Ajay loved her too, but he also ripped her apart and never put her together again.

She asked him, a man she loved, a man who had given her hope, a man who belonged, if he could save her.

In her heart, he says yes.

In his lips, there was silence.

Now time to go back Ocean of tears Before the sailing gonna turn back Now it's the time to go back My tongue can make or break Before I slip and realize

There's something about the anxiety this entire song brings. Broken in thoughts, you only ever get Hyukoh's lyrics in this form, a strange poem that gives off the same thoughts-only lyricism from e.e. cummings. It's something that happens when you think fast, when everything goes out of hand, suddenly everything feels far removed from one another and you're just feeling all sorts of emotions. It's what Bhadra feels and thinks every time, she's a fast thinker, but she isn't coherent when you put her out there in the world if you want her to speak what she thinks. This comes from the fact that this is just a constant thing in her life. So what does she do, if her tongue "breaks"?

'Cause I don't have time to fall in love I don't have time to fall in love No no no, not today Maybe tomorrow is too far away Can I change before my time runs out?

The fear of having to love in both part 1 and 2 are pretty evident, but both Diego and Bhadra can't help surrender to the feeling no matter how much it actually gave them the risk. They don't have the time to fall in love, but as the song goes, they can't wait to either. I think it also complies with the idea that they just won't have it different when they die, you know? So they beg for something different. Something to find love with. In turn, it changes them.

2. Sex and Taste, Who Knew That Was Love's Base?

Sex n' Drugs - Abhi the Nomad | Poplar St. - Glass Animals | It Will Come Back - Hozier | Swoon - Beach Weather | Body High - Mystery Skulls

Born faceless Please save me My soul's tainted It's how I've been born

With the song discussing about how the persona craves sex and drugs (as per the title) I thought it'd be appropriate to center this around Diego's adult life and how sex had become one of his many unhealthy coping mechanisms as he grew older. See, he doesn't use sex as a way to get his feelings of repression out, he uses it as a way of escaping from the things in his head as a substitute for drugs. Dissociating as you have sex just isn't a pleasant experience and chapter 1 of part 2 reflects that in this excerpt. He knows that something is wrong with him, but he just thinks that this is what he has to live with now.

His head may have been on his shoulders, but the further he went, the more his body had disconnected from the frame of reality. It was as if he was looking at a picture of himself, watching a moaning woman getting thrusted into a dinner table, something that should’ve been so thrilling but ended up with something too empty. Far too empty.

I feel like a new man Red flowers in my bed Breathe straight through the crisp air Dead flowers in the sand

If I were to put this in another manner, I would say that Diego coming into the gripes of sex as he gets older makes him into a new man. Petals fall in an image that falls fleeting, he sleeps, in love with sex, but it all dies with him even as he grows to love the woman he sleeps with.

Don't let it in with no intention to keep it Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it Honey, don't feed it, it will come back

Well, to put it into more words, it's within Diego's lust. He's happy Bhadra returns the sentiment, but it becomes more apparent that the more they play around, teasing each other in the middle of the war, the harder it is to try killing each other if they actually want each other. Still, when you have a big beefy guy who has rage as hot as the elephant's foot of Chernobyl lusting after you, chances are he might have to know how fucking dangerous (and exciting) it is.

You're my cannibal lover I feel it when you're underneath the skin Creepin' in again Well I know this chemical feeling Is making me forget about the drugs You poison with your love

It's pretty straight forward. Love can eat Diego alive, and he knows this when he's literally been poisoned and drugged, lmao. But anyway, it's an addicting thing to him altogether. Falling in love and getting to be involved is scary though, but love was also the reason he ended up having Bhadra in his life. Some things were meant to be no matter how cruel the circumstances were. The fate was intertwined, lmao.

I try to make my baby understand Move my hands like an analog Make you forget 'bout every other man Tell you stories with my body love

If you guys didn't already know, I have a thing for hands. Hands tell stories: they're the catalysts of creation, after all. Diego's hands are damaged from having to deal with the amount of death they inflicted upon people; his hands are wrapped to protect him from breaking his wrists when he punches people, and also so that the blood stains the fabric of the wraps, not his knuckles. So using his hands on Bhadra, he touches her as gently as he did with Isabel, but then takes a swing like he did with Carlos and ends up showing his history of violence with her like Mateo. It's enough for Bhadra to forget about Ajay for a moment, to make sure that he's the enemy she needs to take out, and she knows what kind of man Diego really is with how he uses his body against her.

“That’s my question.” She hissed. In the light of the day, he noticed how her eyes were colored brightly. They shone almost like gold, but upon closer inspection it seemed to have become green.

He tightened his hold on her head.

“You will answer me. You will tell me who you are working with. You will tell me,” Diego said, running his hand down her hair before pulling it up, making her wince as he spoke. “What. I. Need.”

“Or what?” she replied in a harsh whisper. The grip on her head tightened and she was met with a punch to the face.

[...] As Ajay let go of her head, Diego carded his fingers through her hair again and pulled it back, exposing her face. “Aren’t you lucky that your papa doesn’t want to hurt you?”

3. Superstitious Associations and Other Fantasies

Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth | Superposition - Young the Giant | My Prayer - The Platters

I'm dreamin' of all of the possibilities I'm kissing all over your body, my Nefertiti And every time I think the planets aligning You're still so close, but yet so far

Aside from this song being one of those "songs to put a music video into" for this AU, but this verse blatantly opens up something for Diego and Bhadra. I think it's important to distinguish that this song is about not being able to have the love you've given, considering how Bhadra loved Ajay in a way that made her forget what he was, while Ajay loved Bhadra in a way that made him forget who he was. This also goes out for Diego, whose love has been betrayed many times in the process: losing his father thanks to his own fear, and losing someone he wanted so badly to love but ended up killing off because he couldn't drown in his paranoia and be correct about it in the process. Nefertiti is an Egyptian queen, her name meaning, "A Beautiful Woman Has Come", and the fact that Bhadra is brought up as beautiful when Diego first tries to strangle her is what provides evidence for his first instance of attraction to her. We're also bringing this song back in the next point.

It occurred to him that Bhadra was beautiful; it would be a shame to kill someone like her.

But he would do it again.

I don't believe in fate No psychic vision But when things fall into place, superposition In any universe you are my dark star

I want you to want me Why don't we rely on chemistry? Why don't we collide the spaces that divide us? I want you to want me

Basically:

I'll just leave this section from chapter 25.

“Do you believe in fate, Diego?”

Diego blinked. “Why?”

“I just think,” Bhadra said, “maybe there was a reason for us to meet.”

Diego could feel himself smile. He didn’t know why. “To kill each other, maybe.”

“But there’s always more, isn’t there?” Bhadra asked. “We were kids when everything went wrong.”

“And a revolution came upon us.” Diego finished for her. “I think I understand what you mean. What, you think it was destiny?”

“I’m not religious, but there are some things that…” Bhadra trailed off. She let out a laugh, as if disbelieving her own theory. “I don’t know. I could be wrong.”

“Maybe there is a reason,” Diego said, “especially when one of us hasn’t died yet.”

“What do you think it is?” Bhadra asked. He pictured her green eyes on him, shining against the moonlight.

“I don’t know.” Diego admitted, hair draping over his tired face. He wonders if she thinks of him too. He heard a snicker.

“Okay. I don’t know either.”

My prayer is to linger with you At the end of the day in a dream that's divine My prayer is a rapture in blue With the world far away and your lips close to mine

Prayers are always such meaningful actions of worship towards your deities; but to wish and hope for someone to be with you is a pretty big request from the universe. Obviously, both Bhadra and Diego aren't religious people, but they show a curiosity towards it, towards their coincidental situations. As per the excerpt above, it's a simple wish to be close to each other despite everything that's happened to them both. In the end, they could make their own world together.

In each other’s arms, they moved on to a future together.

4. Parallelism is Never Individual

Misery - Maroon 5 | Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas | Reset Me - Nothing But Thieves | Loveless - Lorde | Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth

I am in misery There ain't nobody Who can comfort me, oh-yeah Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me, oh-yeah

Listen, I know we like to meme a lot on this song thanks to the fucking CPR remix, but listen. I added this song in before it got ruined. As much as this both represents Bhadra and Diego together, I like to lean a little further into Diego's side of the story since he's burdened with having killed people he's cared about for a really long time. It's hard to comfort someone like that when he knew what he was doing. He's trying to pray for something good, something different in that universe of repetition and silence, so he works on it rather than boil in his misery. Unlike Ajay, who carries a thing for being unable to do anything about his pain but take it out on the others around him, but they're both in parallel to that need of calling for Bhadra to pick up the fucking radio, to let her presence be known in their life, to let them know she's okay. It's very evident that Ajay just has nobody to help him in this time, not even Noore.

Of course I swore that next time i’d be better but it was all over before it began, cause i am dying to feel so important that now I can't even become my own friend

I think we can all agree that Ajay's canon motivation for bringing Ishwari to Lakshmana was that he also wanted to do the only good thing he would ever do in his life for her, trying to do right by her one last time as an apology for the lifetime of hell he gave her when she was still alive. Similarly, Diego is trying to do right by his country, to feel important, but in that range both characters end up losing themselves, unable to know remember who they are, but unlike Diego, Ajay suffered the consequence of it.

'Cause what if you reset me? What if we restart? What if you reset me? Before it falls apart

Pretty self explanatory, but I'll expound anyway. You know what I'm happy about? Ros pretty much brought up the parallels drawn between Bhadra and Ajay throughout the story of forgotten idols. The fact Adhrit represents as both Amita and Sabal (honestly gender goals though), Divin represents the innocence of Bhadra, but then you break the cycle as it actually does fall apart. Life is getting better even though sometimes you'll do the same things that ruined your life in the first place.

Bet you wanna rip my heart out Bet you wanna skip my calls now Well, guess what? I'd like that 'Cause I'm gonna mess your life up Gonna wanna tape my mouth shut

For Bhadra? She's blatantly threatening Ajay with this. Isabel falls into this category, even if she means it unintentionally to fuck Diego over. Pain. Smiling through it all.

Still don't know my name You still don't know my name And I would die your slave

Ugh, we're back on this song again and I've played it far too many times to count today. This part makes me think of scenes past Bhadra and Diego, really. This one goes out to the trials and tribulations on Bhadra's end, losing Ajay in the process while Noore echoes this. See, I have plans for Noore and Ajay's relationship which will later come to be revealed in part 4 and part 5, but this one pretty much parallels Noore losing Ajay to his insanity. They're losing him, doc.

She wanted for him to be part of that life. She wanted to be together with him for as long as they could have, instead of spending years upon years trying to reach and get closer to him without the burden of Pagan in the way.

5. Childhood Trauma

I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves | Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier | Old Soul - Saint Motel

I was just a kid I needed answers I found a screen Promised adventure Just as I thought I had it all I pulled the trigger And nothing happened

You know how the reality of being a child in comparison to the fairy tales of stories always managed to make it suck? Yeah, make it the state of childish innocence, in a state of war and suddenly BOOM, the reality of war sets in! The reality of like, the promises of escape are suddenly slipping through your fingers greatly. I like to believe this revolves around Bhadra, but if we're being honest this also has a lot to do with Diego too. They both thought things were going to change if they had their finger on the trigger.

It didn't.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

The boiling point. The culmination of matter. The repression, the anger, and the agony of being alive, it all culminates into one being and it's a taste for violence that gets both Diego and Bhadra riled the hell up. They use it as a weapon after years of having to suffer, and you know what? Good for them, good for them.

'Cause the more I get to know you Well, the more I feel I knew you In a lifetime a long time ago

Relatively self-explanatory, but I feel like this scene would suffice.

“I just… I wish that I met someone who wasn’t trying to ruin my life. I’m tired.”

Diego squeezed his fist.

“You will meet them one day.” Diego tried.

Then, Bhadra laughed. “Do you tell yourself that, Diego?”

“I gave up, but you have hope.”

6. It Hurts To Love

From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

You're beautiful And evil too Sinister and vile For you, I'd die Or kill myself Whichever makes you smile

Vibes, man, vibes. It's the cynicism of this song that has me thinking; love is a hard and complicated thing for both Diego and Bhadra, they fear the things that might get them killed but would do it for love (or do it because it's love) in this primarily fucked up way because that was how they were taught to love.

I need something that'll get you out my eyes Take off my jacket and my tie I need something that'll get you off my mind Somebody to love me

Their lives have been intertwined in a way that provides this like, repetition of doing the same shit over and over again. It's time to break that cycle especially when you have no one to love you over it.

7. Yearning For A New Life

Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack | American Money - BORNS | Primavera - Santana | Enchanted - The Platters

Oh, I wanna see what spring is like On Jupiter, on Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, darlin', I love you, oh

Bhadra snorted, moving to punch him in the shoulder. “You’re annoying .”

Diego laughed, then winked at her. “You love it.”

“I don’t,” Bhadra said, looking away. Diego tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. Then, as Bhadra pursed her lips, she kissed his palm and held the hand close to her.

“I see.” Diego remarked.

He leaned away as Bhadra took a swing at him. Then, he threw an uppercut that she shoved away, kneeing him in the stomach.

As he fell down on one knee, he looked up to find a hand grabbing him by the necktie. Bhadra stood above him, so tall, and so beautiful. He yanked her by the wrist as he hopped upwards, pulling her close as their lips pushed against each other.

The kiss was long, inexperienced on Bhadra’s end— something that made the blood rush through Diego’s veins as he pressed his tongue against her mouth and was allowed to slip in for a moment before they had to pull away.

So take me to the paradise It's in your eyes Green like american money

If you noticed Isabel and Bhadra's appearances, you'd probably realize that they bare a resemblance to each other, especially in the eyes. Diego has a thing for brown girls with green eyes, that and the fact the shade of those eyes happen to shift whenever Diego focuses on her. But who's her? Gradually, the chapters where Diego looks Bhadra in the eyes changes from being reminded of Isabel to being reminded of who exactly Bhadra is, and it's an intense one.

Green eyes, dark skin, but a certain stubbornness to that woman named Bhadra made something itch under his skin and he didn’t like it.

[...]

In reaching out to take her by the neck, though, something happened. He saw curly hair, tan skin covered in freckles. He heard a sweet voice overlapping with Bhadra’s, and soft, gentle hands touching onto his callous palms.

[...]

But there was always more, wasn’t it? Something about those green eyes, the color of her skin, there were darker colors in another woman who had a fire lit in them.

Como la semilla Lleva nueva vida Hay en esta primavera una nueva era En el aire de este nuevo universo Hoy se respira libertad En primavera ya

As the seed brings new life there's in this spring, a new era. In the air of this new universe today there is freedom in spring already

Another case of self-explanatory lyrics, but I think the part that gets to me is the concept of a new world that Diego and Bhadra step into together once the story comes to a close. This song is real fun.

Living is a dream when you make it seem enchanted Lovers take for granted all the world's aglow, they ought to know When you touch a star then you really are enchanted Find a seed and plant it, love will make it grow

I remember during a depressive episode, I played this song so many times I was drowned out by my own cries as the song just kept going and going and going. I think I just find it to be a good, dissonant song, but it's also a world that Diego and Bhadra find themselves in, being that they're both people who've gone through constant episodes, living became a nightmare until they found someone they could build a paradise with. And yet, within the events of part 1 and part 2, you find that they've lost it prior to the events of part 3.

8. Identity

Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith

I need to grow and find myself Before I let somebody love me Cause at the moment I don't know me

Something for Bhadra, in reference to this excerpt of chapter 7 of forgotten idols. To Kyrat, she had been Sakshi Bal. If she was herself, as Bhadra Najjar, this country would have eaten her alive long ago. Nobody else knew her, not even Noore, not even Ajay, for fuck’s sake, because nobody wanted her to stay alive long enough. [...] So today, for now, from yesterday to next week, she was Sakshi— the hero of Kyrat. The fighter for freedom. She made sure of that as she shot down one soldier after another during a package drop in Utkarsh.