#what’s the opposite of rejection sensitive dysphoria

[catboydan]

OK but all my lost ark friends live in LA and they all tease & commiserate with me about how there’s no KBBQ out here, my fav of favs since I tried it for the first time in San Diego

they went to KBBQ the other day

and they made me a tiny single bite of bulgogi 🥺

[larphis]

Me: I never take things personally

Also me: Somebody I liked unfollowed me on social media and I have no idea why :( *cries for an hour*

[theglizzardwizard]

Do you think I'd be any happier with more notes on my post? Bitch why the fuck do you think I'm here on this side blog? Why do you think I don't post art or link my fic pages? This is the one fucking place where I can post unfiltered thoughts because everywhere else I am inundated with overly familiar whites of all stripes. Racist gooners from 4chan, racist white girls with da neopronouns, it's all the same, both groups want me to be a black friend to point at every time they say some dumb racist shit. I can't fucking talk about my day to day problems without a flood of "AWWWH ARE YOU OK KING???" From people who's names I don't know. If it's not overly friendly bullshit from strangers it's equally overly familiar hating ass shit from people who don't know what raga even is. But by God, do they have some opinions they NEED me to read about it.

Anytime in my life where I had a fandom wide following it was fucking miserable. For everyone involved but especially me, because I'm the one that matters.

Shit makes me ableist against people with ADHD. You hos are the worst. It's always uwwah don't be ableist until a psychotic nigga says something you don't like, then your eyes roll back and you start acting like an autism mommy blogger. I don't give a fuck if you're autistic stop being racist. I don't give a fuck if you're bipolar and a system. Stop being racist. Stupid bitches.

[clangen-dadm]

FaQ

Why is this not in the main server? Due to harassment towards both our mod team and the clangen staff. For more information, check the discord.

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Currently, we also do not allow any merges with Lifegen. The mods are not easily compatible due to code changes, particularly when it comes to plural cats, which we would like to retained in merges of our mod. This is not an invitation to problem solve, this is a blanket do not merge. Please respect our mod team on this aspect.

We also ask that you please ask the creators of the other mod first. Some mods explicitly do not allow merges with DADM and we ask that you respect that.

It’s also not very feasible to be combined with the genetically accurate mod because both use different sex assignment codes. You would have to pick one over the other. This isn’t disallowed, but just cautioned. We will allow merges with genemods, but only with permission. We have seen multiple instances of people using gene mods to breed for “monstrosities” (direct quote), and we are not comfortable with our disabilities being treated that way.

Any trait or personality mods that add negative traits that could be used to target people with disabilities (like “stupid” or “unlikeable”) are also rejected.

About Starwalker We will also not be changing Starwalker. The original idea was Spiritwalker because we were working with the idea of autistic cats being "halfway there" physically. Spacing out, not really understanding social cues/structures, active imaginations, intuitively understanding things that most cats don't understand, etc. These ideas and themes were chosen by a team of autistic people themselves. It was changed after a native person on our team told us that Spiritwalker has religious meaning to Native Americans.

Rejected Suggestions: ADD (added under ADHD) Asperger’s (added under ASD) Dysphoria Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) Hypersexuality Oppositional Defiance Disorder Paraphilias Therians and Otherkin

[avelera]

Last point on the whole "If Hob has ADHD, he might also suffer from rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and if he does, here's a few moments in the show that might lend to that interpretation," headcanon I've been batting around but I did laugh at myself to realize that not once, but t w i c e in Giving Sanctuary that I thought were just me writing normal, if passionate, reactions to events by both Hob and Dream and only in retrospect realize are actually textbook cases of RSD.

The first one is in ch. 11 and it's actually Dream who has it. He and Hob are discussing Dream's past relationship with Calliope and how Orpheus was conceived and Hob trips over his words a bit. He accidentally implies that only an idiot would want to marry Dream, when really he was saying the opposite. But Dream, already in a sensitive place because they're about to visit his son's grave, leaps to the worst possible conclusion, which is rejection by the man he's starting to crush on hard, and flips the fuck out, stalking off and threatening to abandon Hob on that beach in a fit of, well, rejection-sensitive dysphoria.

I literally wrote it that his perceived rejection by Hob hits Dream so hard right in the chest that it feels like he's been stabbed. He's starting to fall in love and when discussing his past love life with the person he's in love with, he hears that he's totally unlovable on this topic he's very sensitive about. Dream's flip-out might be informed by my own experiences with RSD, but it is also informed by his reaction in 1889 to Hob suggesting Dream has changed and that he's lonely.

It's interesting to note, that in the 1889 beat of the canon episode, Dream views someone suggesting he's lonely as if it were rejection and reacts like someone with ADHD/RSD. Any attempt to help him at all is treated as a sign of his own failure and he reacts with incredibly powerful emotion. When Hob offers sympathy, Dream only hears weakness in canon.

(It should be noted that Hob also has a panic attack in the face of Dream's-rejection-based-on-Hob's-perceived-rejection which also matches RSD.)

The second time I accidentally depicted RSD is in ch. 16, after Hob awakens and thinks he's "disrespected" Dream in his sleep. In truth, the evidence of their love making is because they actually made love, but Hob doesn't know that or have any reason to understand that Dream was really there in Hob's actual dream of him.

Dream doesn't reject Hob here but he doesn't have to. Hob has the full "knife in the chest" moment of terror that he will be caught that he will be found out for having sexual thoughts about his friend and for being in love with him before he could bring up the possibility of a romantic relationship between them under more cautious, dignified terms.

Perceiving Dream's rejection as inevitable, because Hob is so disgusted at himself for what he believes is a loss of control in his sleep, Hob fully freaks out and very nearly has a panic attack. Dream, seeing only that their lovemaking ended with Hob's full unmitigated freakout, is also left with a sense of rejection but in this case he also thinks it's his fault and he took Hob's interest in his dreams as far too literal and may have possibly forced himself upon Hob in that light. So they both feel sick and awful about it pretty much until they reunite, another ADHD/RSD reaction.

Anyway! I am laughing at myself a bit for thinking I was writing anything remotely adjacent to neurotypical reaction. Some what I assume to be neurotypical readers even commented that their sense of rejection seemed disproportionate and I scoffed because uh, isn't that just what rejection or perceived rejection feels like?

Yeah. It does. If you have ADHD/RSD.

[quiet-in-the-wild]

You know what’s hard

Being with someone who is so smart, logical, has perfect balanced arguments, is ethical, is kind & empathetic, is extremely well informed. Isn’t reactive & takes time to carefully think every single thing through. Somehow can deliver impassioned lawyer movie quality speeches explaining her point precisely. Has almost psychic like strategic thinking - 10 steps ahead of everyone else - can see every mishap, every possible win. Has such a fierce, brilliant, wise, frame of thought on every topic.

And has such disappointment at the common sense failings of others- often explaining here how they should have handled that problem, how they could have reacted- but here is why the reacted the way they did- Always 10 steps ahead.

Because what happens is no matter what I will always see her opinion as correct and mine as wrong.

Which then means my life is filled with feelings of rejection, shame, feeling like no matter what I do I’m wrong. Any opinion or idea that I express- that she then shares her opposite take on it- proves- in my head that I’m wrong - I’ve failed at thinking/feeling/expressing. That I’m a disappointment

It’s not on her. It’s me - not being able to have the stability in my own opinions and immediately feeling like I’m worthless.

Because even though it feels like it - she’s not perfect and always 100% correct. She’s human.

But I don’t know what to do. Because of how shallow that suicidal ideality is underneath all the healing I’ve done the past few years, how quickly it can pop up and say- you’re the problem, no matter what you try to do- you’re wrong - all you do is hurt people.

I don’t want that - especially because she’s my best friend, my partner, we both care so much for each other & want the best for each other. And I can see how my own reactions hurt her. (Which then again just spirals back in my head to - you’re a horrible person who hurts everyone)

Ugh it’s just so complicated & can’t see a way through it yet - but it’s definitely been a major source of my SI & rejection sensitive dysphoria the past 10 years. & it’s definitely one that I’ve been afraid to look into

[lockedtowers]

my muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / canon inspired

is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

how strictly do you follow canon?

so like pmuch everything that happens in s/yfy al/ice happens but i expand on it more and recognize jack as more evil, and also i make my own canon inspired by that canon (For this blog). if we're talking abt my book version of cassie tho i make the canon.

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals

the ever present curse of a life you didn't choose, a basis never chosen. the broken (cat) who had to escape, a preconceived notion on what you are based on who you're related to, the monster's daughter, a lost heir, the discovery of who and what someone is and how those around them can shape them into either good, evil, or the undetermined inbetween. also she's a cat

now the OPPOSITE. list everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

i tone it down a lot tbh but she does use a lot of 'big' and 'annoying' words, she tends to be a little bit of an asshole, and ofc... she's a girl (usually). genderfluid chars usually arent preferred by fandom, fantasy isn't as big as it was back in the day, people don't really love adaptions anymore, and in a lot of ways i base things around 'is this something someone would find interesting in a cis male muse' and if the answer is yes, i love it and fandom hates it. also magic. also, like, 'oh too powerful waaaaa' which is another reason why i nerf her in rp quite a lot. also i tend to make a lot of things abt her, bc i love her.

what inspired you to rp your muse?

so back when she was still a dormouse and part of an open group i co ran it was bc of the fc my then friend picked out but as i've adapted her made her my own changed her animal and everything its pure unadultered love

what keeps your inspiration going?

she's my babygirl and even if nobody else loves her i DO and want to find others who also love her and maybe me

some more personal questions for the mun. give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you a sensitive person?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

if i ask for it, but she's my character, and i have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so i simply don't ask for it.

do you like questions which help you explore your character?

yes

if someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

i will hear out whatever but like if it's a headcanon. abt my character. then thats my character. but if it involves another char like obviously we should build it together lol

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

this is my cat

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

well, she's my char, and it's my blog, so idc

are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

i'm dyslexic feel FREE to let me know.

do you think you are easy going as a mun?

prolly yea

my muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / canon inspired

is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK / unfortunately

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

how strictly do you follow canon?

honestly i don't even think scott knew what canon was, most of it is fanon, and i don't like most of the fanon. i really just do what i want w him and my only real inspiration is what was shone in the first 6 games, a dash of the newer ones, the film a teeny bit, and the silver eyes trilogy. but it's mostly my own canon as well. i'd say canon inspired but also i'm more or less writing him as an oc.

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals

i don't want to sell him he's evil and more than half the fandom wants to fuck him he's an evil genius, master manipulator, at one point he loved his fam and kids. at one point.

now the OPPOSITE. list everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

if i start i wont stop. he's literally a child killer, he literally created things to kill children. would he have done that if his son hadn't died? probably not! but he is unforgivable imo, h8 him, like from a psych standpoint its interesting to dissect his brain but like yknow

what inspired you to rp your muse?

i already wanted to from game one but when he finally got a name i was like welp this is mine now

what keeps your inspiration going?

i dont rly write him often bc the fandom wants to believe he's even worse than he already is and everytime sb messages me wanting to have their muse aged down and obsessed w him and them to do things i get grossed out and can't deal w it please never ever do that again anyone ever he's horrible but he isn't that

some more personal questions for the mun. give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you a sensitive person?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

in his case, no, because most criticism i receive is either 'how could anyone write someone who isnt at least morally grey whats wrong with you???' (people sexualize and romanticize him too much and just wanna fuck him and its like there's a line where you can explore the man he was but still respect the horrible person he becomes and not romanticize who he becomes, which a lot of ppl... can't handle. when it was sb who had an entire blog of serial killer characters tho a few years back that was just ironic) or mad at me for refusing to make him a p3d0 so like, absolutely not. i won't accept any criticism on him from anyone. ppl are too annoying.

do you like questions which help you explore your character?

yes

if someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

it depends. bc if its abt either of the things above, no.

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

idk, i don't really care when it comes to him lol

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

GOOD

tagged  by  :  stole from max

tagging  :  u

[eelfuneral]

Part of me kind of wants to stop identifying as genderfluid because of the uptick in complaints about “theyfabs” in online trans spaces and the insistence that anyone who isn’t on hormones is a faking faker who fakes. I know that I shouldn’t listen to random strangers on the internet, but rejection sensitivity go brrrr.

I don’t want to medically transition. My gender identity changes and is very inconsistent (because I’m genderfluid), so nothing short of shapeshifting would alleviate every instance of dysphoria for me. Even a low dose of testosterone would cause me dysphoria in the opposite direction of what I sometimes experience now on certain days and would have a net zero effect on improving my quality of life as a result. I hate having to explain this because it sounds like something insane that I made up, and people are especially vitriolic on the topic of gender identity these days, even in trans spaces.

Idk man, I might just ignore my gender entirely going forward and focus on just being a person.

[selflovewarrior]

hey sweeties!

a new update on the life of Soetkin:

so a couple of weeks after my last post(s) i started a treatment program of three group therapy days a week. it was at a local general hospital, so no specialised program i suppose. while my expectations weren't very high and i saw it more as a tool to not sink deeper into depression and anxiety while i waited out till it would be my turn on the waiting list for the program i actually thought would help me, i quit this program halfway though my planned time there. i felt a lot worse during therapy as it progressed than i did at home. i looked so forward to it being over because i was extremely anxious and felt like i was killing myself on the inside when i was there. home was my safe space, the total opposite of how therapy felt for me. and believe me i know that it's kind of expected that you'll feel worse for a bit during intense therapy since you start opening up and stop running away from what you feel and think. so i quite suddenly quit.

(since this post ended up becoming what resembles a whole novel, i'm going to cut in here so people who don't care don't have to scroll through it ;) anyway it's not all bad if you want to read on, it actualy quite hopeful, the start just isn't very much so.)

i had a plan to pick up some creative activities at facilities for disabled folks, which i have got a government recognition for. i found a place i could start at fairly quickly, i haven't gone very often yet, but all in all i felt such intense relief when i didn't have to go to group therapy there anymore.

i'm still overly anxious and get very (extremely) easily overwhelmed by everything in this world: sounds, proximity, weather. but i am not as deeply depressed anymore. i'm actually feeling more like my regular self in that regard.

i can start the pre-program i've been waiting for since november in two weeks (and the full program one month later) and i'm so very hopeful for the future. i'm not where i used to be yet, but i'll get there, i'll get beyond there. I've already learned more about myself these past 8-9 months, things i never really considered or took seriously. while it still feels strange to say i most probably also have adhd (i got my autism diagnosis as a kid). a lot of the stuff i also struggle with seems to always have something to do with dopamine. i also probably have DCD (i still find it out they didn't look into this when i was in residential treatment when i got my autism diagnosis, but they still mentioned me randomly walking into doorframes and stuff instead of through the doorframes). i'm learning to give myself more time regarding my DCD when doing stuff that's hard(er) for me. even stuff like taking the laundry out of the machine etc. or walking up or down stairs. i'm starting to stop caring about other people being faster. the recognition of that DCD element for myself is a huge thing towards self-acceptance. i now also realise my brand of neurodivergence comes with rejection sensitive dysphoria, which explains SO FUCKING MUCH OMG.

this bout of urgent mental health issues also came with more physical issues than i've ever experienced before. which felt odd, and mostly unexpected. i've had more visits to a physiotherapist than the rest of my life combined these past few months. i also struggled with eating, but not ED wise this time, that part of me is actually doing quite well this time, which is also unexpected but yay. i mostly didn't have the energy to lift my fork and everything tasted meh. but that part is also a lot better now, still happens sometimes, but it's far better now. (i also lost a lot of hair because of it, which is growing back now, so i have plucks of toddler hair in my face all the time, and let me tell you toddler hair is a lot more annoying than baby hairs, they're too short to go anywhere, and too long to not be an annoyance). my last post also came as i was only just healed from what could've been covid, or something similar. but the worst infection i've had since 2020 (and i have had it several times). I always got booster shots (since i worked at a hospital) and never was very inconvenienced, let alone for over a week. but my symptoms now started on new year's day (yay me) and lasted for about a month and they were unpleasant and painful. i guess i partially ought to thank the booster shots in the past for not getting that ill, but i also think i kinda blew my immune system over by not eating properly.

anyway, so here we are. my husband who's a teacher in upper secondary school has started his summer holidays, he's actually had a rather nice last month of the school year since his pupils' finals were evenly spread out for him so he didn't have to rush correcting them.

we're also in a very good place now. i'm so happy and grateful this guy is my husband, that i can call him mine, that we're us. he's also started therapy for his OCD, and while he was terrified he's doing so well, i'm really impressed (a bit scared too though that he might be taking on a bit too much at once in therapy). we're building a sturdy base for our future together (with hopefully a kid at some point sooner rather than later). He's feeling more sad about having to postpone our starting a family plans due to all of this, but we also both see this as a huge opportunity to become even better parents. and in a way we're quite lucky this all happened before i got pregnant and not during or after. not to say it can't or won't happen again, but then we'll be even more prepared to take on this challenge again than we were / are now.

anyway: i still have a long and scary road ahead of me, but i'm not at the start anymore, i've already been hiking for a bit and i'm hopeful about seeing the sun rise beautifully overhead once more.

i also really really really want to reblog stuff for this blog again, and more frequently. i am however still struggling with energy, spoons are often very depleted. i even have a very hard time editing my own pictures and it's not like i've taken many these past 10 months. i've also had people i know irl reach out to me because i'm so absent on all social media and that's very unlike me. and them asking me about it, gives me the feeling that i actually do might belong here and with those people and that people actually care and that i'm missed. and that's a bewildering but amazingly heart warming feeling, that's kind of new to me.

hope to be back sooner next time!

thank you guys so so much for sticking with me, for reblogging my old posts, for sharing positivity on this website and hopefully to people you think need it, including yourself! thank you to all new followers, you're seen! you're loved! you're appreciated!

x Soetkin

[cybernightart]

I was watching a video on the pictures of mental disorders like ADHD and autism (and more) and it made me think of this. It's kinda rambley so be warned.

I love the head cannon of Genji having ADHD and/or autism as someone with ADHD and in the process of getting an autism diagnosis myself, I can definitely see myself and quite a lot of his character in the way he acts or interacts with other characters in the world around him.

And there has been a few fanfics or just things I read in general of people with the same headcanon and I know it's unintentional, but the amount of times that characters feel like they're being infantilized, made out to be stupid or annoying, completely unaware of themselves, or very stereotyping about ADHD and autism is quite often. And I know it's because of media portrayals and just not much understanding. It can just be a little disheartening sometimes, especially when it no longer feels like the character because they pushed them so far into stereotypes that it doesn't feel like them anymore.

There's some things about having ADHD specifically that are like dead giveaways if you know what you're looking for, but the most common thing I see being done is the hyperactivity part, I've seen betrayals of Genji where he's just non-stop talking constantly bouncing off the walls of so much energy and it's just hyperactive all the time. And as much as hyperactivity is a part of ADHD, most often than not hyperactivity is internal in adults (also when girls and women) so they may be having a million thoughts at once but could be standing there with their arms crossed staring into space (totally not talking from experience XD) or if they are rushing around doing things they're jumping from different tasks to task and then remembering the task they started going back to it and it's just a constant cycle. Plus as you grow up you get a better understanding of how your individual experience with ADHD works and you can learn to cope with it more, and if you've accessed medication.

We know Genji used to be really impatient, and struggle with his attention and a whole bunch of other things canonically, and he only ever did things that he was interested in because he couldn't physically do things he didn't care about (like how he didn't find interest or like the clan activities but loved playing video games and training) and similarly defiant or oppositional behavior is another trait. He even fits with the common problem with ADHD even insomnia, with him being unable to sleep in anything up staying up late talking with Angela. ADHD can also influence emotional things like having stronger reactions with anger or rage, that seemingly come out of nowhere or are far larger than what caused them.

And now with zenyatta's help he was able to find ways to help him regulate his attention more, help him to be more patient, and try and keep on the same train of thought. By no means is he "cured" he has just accepted who he is and is able to find ways to help him in his daily life.

Anyways to get back to what I was saying before, there's just times that I've been reading these fanfictions and stuff and it just feels like there is no understanding or very little understanding of what she's actually like to deal with and not just from an outsiders perspective looking at someone with ADHD. Because so much of it is internal. And even with physical aspects of it they're not ...good... Like headaches, rashes, emotional outbursts/very strong emotions like with rage, sadness, even joy, not to mention RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) which feels horrible and makes you feel like every little thing you do only makes the people you care about hate you more or never liked you to begin with, sensitivity to sensory input like lights and sound and specially touch. And it being simplified to just hyperactive "oh sorry I can be forgetful sometimes"/"I'm not like other girls"/ "oh I'm so hyper! I have soooo much energy" just doesn't feel good.

This applies to not just Genji and depictions of ADHD but characters in media in general. I didn't speak on autism as much, because even though it's very likely I have it I am not fully diagnosed yet so I don't want to speak on it too much in terms of personal experience. Also not judging anyone for the way they write characters or anyone in particular, it's just more occasional tidbits I pick up on from time to time from everywhere from the OverWatch community to media and to film and TV.

[fqirycollective]

Autism vs ADHD: A Collab

Introduction

It's commonly known that Autism and ADHD are frequently comorbid with one another. There are many overlapping symptoms. However, there are some that deny these symptoms can exist in the other disorder because it's not in the diagnostic criteria. This doesn't mean the person can't experience them, nor does it mean they have the other disorder. (Think how systems have been known to have psychosis, but not all systems have another disorder known to cause them.) This led to me feeling invalidated because I have thouroughly considered being autistic but I don't meet the criteria, but still had the symptoms often considered "autistic-only" as a diagnosed ADHDer. I brought this up with Alex (@theaxolotlcollective) and we realized we both experience the same symptoms, but for different reasons. That led to this collab of how symptoms present in both disorders present differently based on experiences!

RS/RSD

These stand for "rejection sensitivity" and "rejection sensitivity dysphoria." RSD is only found in ADHD due to the differences I'm about to describe and how the person who coined it intending it for ADHD, but many other disorders may experience rejection sensitivity. ("RSD appears to be the one emotional condition found *only* with ADHD." - Dr. Dodson, chadd.org.) When my RSD is triggered, there's not always something that triggers it. In autism and other disorders, there's typically an external trigger. For me, it can be external but also no trigger at all. An external example is my old choir teacher telling me to sing notes that were too low to be comfortable in my range because I could hit them in general. This triggered my RSD. Something with no trigger would be when I saw a bug on the floor. I automatically broke down because of RSD, and there was nothing that caused it. This is a big difference in the way both RSD and ADHD are different from other disorders.

Stimming and Fidgiting

Stimming is a repetitive moment that's often done to help regulate and soothe emotions. I stim when overwhelmed to help do so, but I also stim as a fidgit. By this, I mean I put my hyperactve and fidgiting energy into stimming. Whenever I can't use the preferred way of fidgiting, I get more distressed and I couldn't figure out why until I realized it's also a stim that I use to regulate my emotions. I do it when bored, as well as when trying to remain focused (and it helps). For me, they're combined and often difficult to distinguish from one another.

Difficulty Focusing

I often have difficulty focusing. I can't focus when there are too many people talking because there's too much going on, but I also can't when it's quiet. I tend to have to multitask to focus, which many people don't understand. I also have struggle focusing with executive dysfunction, since I can't focus on a task that executive dysfunction is keeping me from doing because I'm still trying to focus on the previous task. I also have the opposite, where I hyperfocus. This often occurs when I have adrenaline rushes, and I struggle to focus on anything else and even forget basic life necessities. A common occurance for me is with school work, and I don't remember the important life things until it's done.

Social Troubles

I struggle socially, but not in the way the diagnostic criteria for autism describes. I struggle to keep focus on a conversation, to "stay in line" and wait my turn, not interupt people. I also connect things randomly, which make sense to me through quick connections my brain makes but not to others. My body also often moves faster than brain and I do things without thinking. This led to a lot of people labeling me as "the smart dumb kid" because I get good grades, but appear without common sense. Another struggle I have socially is with the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. I don't think of things without being prompted, which often frustrates other people. An example of this is my mom asking me why I didn't know what I want for dinner. I told her I didn't think about it so she said "Well you need to eat, don't you?" It was difficult to explain that it wasn't dinnertime and I wasn't hungry, so it didn't occur to me to think about it. It's also important to mention that there was a study that found 80% of children with ADHD are part of the "rejected" group and so it makes sense for us to struggle socially.

Sensory Issues

I have a lot of comorbid disorders that impact my senses, so this will be a combination because it's hard to differentiate what causes the issue. Hearing wise, ADHD makes me pay more attention to all sounds around me. This also combines with PTSD and anxiety, and combines with my tinnitus symptoms from VSS. I struggle with most lighting conditions because of VSS and migraines. Touch-wise, my attention is often diverted to things like clothing tags and feels. I'm also hypersensitive to touch and it has to be certain fabric or I can't wear it. There's also a weird thing I do, where I can't smell much but when I do smell stronger smells, I also taste it. It's fine with food, but is a huge struggle with things like cleaners. I don't know why this is, but I know people have thought I was weird for it.

[goblin-king-jay]

I feel like also this is sort of the opposite of RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria, often associated with neurospicy people). When an interaction goes poorly (like it did today) I'm over here crying in my car for 40 minutes. But when an interaction goes well, I get instant serotonin from Peopling Correctly -- and if they smile or laugh, it's better than drugs tbh.

Last week I put on a random Spotify radio and got Rickrolled and I was in the grocery store jamming to my tunes and a worker came out of the back just as I was grooving down the aisle with a big grin on my face. They didn't know what I was listening to but they instantly started grinning and dancing back like "I see u shakin ur thing in the detergent section" so of course instead of feeling embarrassed I was even more emboldened to do a silly dance and mouth the words while pointing at them. It was a 10-second interaction max and I'm still thinking about it, warming my hands over the fire of Positive Social Phenomena because so much of the world is hostile and/or indifferent and dear gods I need more of those little moments in my life.

Is it just me or does having a positive interaction with a stranger scratch a very particular itch? I think it's the reassurance that the world is not split solely into people who already love you and people who never will.

[marsiplant]

dirty boots, meet corporate ladder

past 50 floors of offices to streets pleasantly free of cars

midtown's not that busy on a saturday.

i'm introduced to a college sophomore who's already had 3 internships.

i learn she's double majoring in sociology and marketing

as she flashes me a syrupy smile more artificial than the lemonade.

she knows the rules of this game better than i do

tripping and stumbling over my own words.

why am i talking to her?

just for the sake of networking without connection?

i don't remember her name.

all i can think is i don't belong here

in stuffy glass houses with lawyers and marketing directors in pantsuits

who will tell them to give 120% because they need to hustle harder than the white kids with built-in connections and generational wealth

because that is what they need to hear sometimes.

because it's true.

i know it's true because i lived it.

just a slightly different version.

i hold my tongue when my colleague parrots the grindset

because i know the color of my skin will always give me a leg up.

but they also had access to things that i didn't even know existed

like these mentorship programs

and a community that accepts them

knowing they're not alone.

i think of paulo freire and the opposition to having his work read in a corporate environment

because it will encourage us to pay more attention to act with more solidarity, intersectionality, cooperation

when capitalism keeps us divided and pitted against each other in individualistic competition.

"when the deck is stacked against you, you have to make yourself stand out. go above and beyond to get your resume noticed for the content instead of having it put into the reject pile because of your name. that is how you win."

they will have to play this game and learn the rules until they have enough breathing room to afford bending and breaking them.

this is how it has always been.

does that mean that's how it has to be?

have we been tricked, conditioned to forget there are alternatives?

these glass walls are closing in and i don't know the right things to do or wear or say

i try to fake it until i make it

but i am reminded that my definition of "making it" is different because the standard doesn't include or consider people like me. there isn't a section in the store for "person with sensory issues and dysphoria aggravated by most professional clothing who doesn't have a desire to look professional in the first place because professionalism is rooted in classism, ableism, cisnormativity and white supremacy."

when expectations of how to look and behave are enforced through systems of hierarchy and oppression

no, i wasn't raised right, not by this definition.

maybe a different definition

one that values radical authenticity, curiosity, sensitivity

would be a more comfortable fit.

i am reminded that even when i try to fit in

to play by all the rules

there is always something that will cause people to say i "do things differently"

i am so used to taking it as criticism a warning that i do not belong that i will not be safe with the herd.

i learn from nature documentaries this will lead to exclusion and death.

i learn from the few remaining queer elders that silence also equals death

and we must be honest and loud if we want things to change.

trying and failing to do both is a silent killer

whispering that i will never be good enough

preying on my insecurities

until i have isolated myself enough for it to pounce.

i am torn and ripping apart at the seams.

i tune out of the small talk about private schools and luxury car payments.

this is not my world, and i don't want it to be.

but i know i am at the edge

a critical juncture

toeing the line.

i can't lose touch with where i came from

because then the voices of those still there aren't heard at all.

i would rather stare out at the city from this new vantage point

i have never been this high up before and i want to take full advantage of it.

they flock to me after the panels

my computer science ducklings hanging on to my every word.

they are also awkward and nervous and in search of answers

without knowing all the right questions to ask.

i tell them that yes, they can double major in computer science and creative writing or fine art or urban studies

and we want them and we need them in this new future we are building.

because the white and uncaring and unimaginative tech bros have locked the gate behind them once they got theirs

and they are no longer interested in disruption

because you will have better ideas than lazy new apps to shift old money around

because we are trying to break that mold.

i see hope for a better world in their eyes.

i remember all their names.

i did whatever it took to climb up to this point

pulling myself up by broken straps on mud-caked secondhand boots that never fit quite right.

now that i am here,

i am realizing that there is so much i missed out on.

we get used to the reality that surrounds us

and it was difficult to imagine a different way of being before i had access.

i know it's just as difficult for people who have always had this vantage point to imagine a better reality

one that uplifts everyone

one that does not pull up the ladder behind them. this version has kept them comfortable, after all.

when your identity is used as ammunition and ricochets around school board meetings

the personal is made political but somehow you must still remain professional.

when the bullet strikes true

these chambers rupture and spill over into each other.

my brain and heart and soul are not designed to compartmentalize.

i am messy and fluid and cannot be contained or confined

and my insides muddle together and burst out.

of course this was bound to happen.

of course my guts would be strewn across the road

on view for all who drive past.

i can't clock in and out of who i am or empathy and passion.

we don't even clock in and out anyway

and i am reminded when i call my dad after his shift at the chocolate factory

how much of a privilege this is.

sometimes he is working overtime

and the line keeps ringing from within his lunchbox

because he can't carry his phone on the factory floor.

sometimes he's out on a moonlighting job

fixing up someone's barn's electric in exchange for venison

or felling a tree on my brother's property

or volunteering at the women's shelter

or out in the garden digging up root vegetables until after the sun sets and his fingers are freezing.

whether or not he picks up,

i am reminded that there is always more i could, should be doing

especially now that i am here.

how can i best leverage this new position?

what's next?

what can i do more of?

what can be improved?

how can i climb higher?

i have spent so long being asked these questions

that they took the reins of my inner monologue and squashed any opportunity to settle for "good enough."

spurned onwards and upwards in perpetual motion

because i am afraid that if i slow down

maybe it's time to clear out the cobwebs,

make room for matters of living

rather than surviving and striving.

what do i need from you?

what do i want?

what if i can't trust myself to know the answers to your questions?

what if my answers are wrong?

what if what i think i want

is not what i need in the long term?

but if i don't give you an answer

(and even if i do)

how can i trust that you'll know where to go from there

that you'll act with integrity and compassion?

how can i know what your intentions are

when after a few drinks

you brush your shoulder against mine

and you say you will follow my lead

but i don't know where i want to go?

how can i trust that you are not a wolf in sheep's clothing

that you will not be like the others?

i want the chance to be reckless and bold and honest as i work through these things

and learn how to be a human being.

isn't that the point of being young and alive?

these things are new to me

please be patient

but not too patient

because i am trying not to take for granted

that there will always be time for these things later.

because i know by now that there hardly ever is.

i need to devise my own path forward

but i'm stuck in -

mired in the rumination of ambiguities

and it's hard to pull myself out

to the solid ground of clarity.

vision unfocusing

lines blurring

left to bleed out alone.

nobody is coming to save me.

i must learn how to save myself.

that is how i survive.

this is how it has always been.

i knew i couldn't last long within current structures and paradigms

as they are, as expected, maintaining the status quo.

but when we give ourselves and each other permission

to expand definitions and parameters

creating new ways of being, doing, relating

maybe, just maybe

there can be a place for me here.

i want to believe there is room for mistakes and missteps and oversteps

because i know they will happen.

help me correct course when necessary.

you may need to be explicit

because subtlety is not my strong suit.

i don't want to leave

because you're as good as they come

(at least as far as i can tell).

[stargazeraldroth]

I do indeed know the Gin Lore!!! If you wanna look yourself, the creator has a blog on tumblr for him and his AUs (Siiversans), and! If you look at Dreemurr-Skelememer’s Gink tag on their blog (which, speaking of, they! Are the creator!!!), they have some cute stuff, too! They even made them an adorable ship child named Sterling, it’s all so cute- And! Gin/Ink is actually canon to the AU, I believe! Though not to Ink’s story, they take care to mind Comyet’s boundaries.

Long story short (though I can try and explain more, if you’d like!), he’s an AU Sans that was on the verge of death as a child, only to be taken in by a spirit (his version of Gaster), and this, he lived! Unfortunately, a single touch of a human would kill him, aaand guess what’s in his AU’s story? Guess what happens to him.

Now, imagine you’re Ink, right? You’ve met someone you’ve fallen in love with, enough so that, in some universes, you have a child together, and he loves you in turn, and it’s great! But he’s going to die. You know he’s going to, it’s in the script, and you can’t interfere, even if it kills you. Even if you hate yourself for it.

(I have many feelings on Gink if you can’t tell-)

Anyways, moving on- I was thinking of rejection sensitive dysphoria, but! Looking up reflex sympathetic dystrophy, I think that could fit, too! I am sorry that you have problems like that, though- I won’t press, but I hope things get better for you soon! As for Ink- He really is going through it here, huh. And of course he wouldn’t believe them- They’ve already lied to him once, and betrayed him in the one of the worst possible ways, how could he ever trust them not to do that again? Of course, they’d argue that they needed to, he doesn’t know what’s best for himself, if he would just trust them this will all be okay! And it’s just. Not a good time.

Oh trust me, you’re good, I also project that onto him and damn near wrote autistic instead of artistic-

I imagine that the period of time after they rescue Ink and before he really starts to let himself heal is just. A lot of Cross carting him around on his back or in a princess carry, and coaxing him into eating or drinking something.

Error is the embodiment of having no idea what the fuck he’s doing when it comes to other people, it’s hilarious and I wish people leaned into that more. And besides! Error has haphephobia, Ink is an artist and likes brushes, clearly this is the best possible solution to the problem!

I do know that clip, and I do believe it would be accurate- Truly, Error is the Godzilla Threshold of the Multiverse (as is Ink, though he’s, uh. Indisposed, at the moment), and it’s only made better by him being. You know. Error. I do agree though, I wish more people used his manbaby, tantrum throwing self without turning him into a martyr or a saint or a god or something. People can write what they want, obviously, but I just.- He’s so fun like this! And I honestly wouldn’t even call him truly evil, either- I’ve always viewed him and Ink and being on opposite ends of the Chaotic Neutral scale, you know? And it also plays into my own, largely divergent forced god AU… But I’ll not get into that (though of course, I can explain a bit if you’d like?), this’ll be long enough, haha. Just! I like talking about this!

Something of a Monkey’s Paw, now wasn’t it? And! Yes, I do believe he doesn’t remember anything from his AU- It really does make things worse for him, the poor guy. He’s suddenly got emotions that he can’t properly process because he isn’t familiar with experiencing them like this, he’s in the worst possible place, and he can’t hope they’ll drain away eventually, because it’s coming from a soul. And hell, who’s to say the Overwrite didn’t edit his soul so that he couldn’t destroy it again? Him dying like that wouldn’t be hat Blue and Dream wanted, after all… As for Broomie… Um. Uuuhhh. Fuck, I’m sorry best brush, maybe Cross or Core rescued it???

I adore the idea of Shattered and Ink together, just. Interacting. In happier, healthier universes, usually, or at least one where Ink isn’t a victim of like, kidnapping, but things like this are Also fun and nice to think about, even if Ink wouldn’t agree (again, the poor guy-). Though it is funny to think that Shattered just. Bundles him up in his tentacles on his back. It’s a funny image to me- But! Humor aside! I’m always a sucker for the idea that AUs and stories being destroyed- Or wrongly edited, in this case- Cause him pain, but even if it didn’t, I think the shock (and emotional pain) would unseat him enough for them to restrain him.

The three of them get locked in the Doodlesphere to the relief of Blue and Dream- Clearly this is the Ideal Protection Scenario! And the dread of Ink- He would like out now, please and thank you creators!!! It’s probably a lot of them chasing him around the islands or space or however you interpret it of the Doodlesphere while he runs screaming and tries to hide.

Nightmare… Man, what would he even be doing, here? Would he feel any pity for Ink, or does he just think this is all hilarious?

I am eagerly awaiting to add Gin/Ink to my list of ships, but I don't know anything about their dynamic. Spill all the juicy, juicy lore that you can, Anon! I probably won't get the chance to actually go looking anytime soon- both because of laziness and other things I actually have to do. But now that you mention it, I think I've actually seen something for Gin before- I don't know if this is part of his story, I think it was more of an Ask thing, but he got deleted by Error or something??? And Ink woke up from it, so it was a nightmare??? Error. My man. My manbaby. One of my favorites. What the hell did you do this time?

Why not give him both, Anon? Why not give him both? I think the rejection one would be the most applicable to this situation, actually, now that I'm thinking back on it.

I love that image. Cross just being a pillar of support for Ink during all of this. Lord knows they could both use someone to truly confide in.

"Error is the embodiment of having no idea what the fuck he's doing when it comes to other people" that's a whole mood. Me too, Error. Me too. Even without the part about other people. I never know or understand what I'm doing, even when it's something I told myself to do lmao. He tries to cheer Ink up with his puppets, to varying degrees of success.

I don't mind people turning him into a god, I'm guilty of that myself, I just get mostly irritated when people make him a saint and make Ink the epitome of all Evil & Sin. Especially because I'm finding more and more people on TikTok who actually believe the Balance and Error's "saintly" behavior is canon to his character (then again, it's TikTok. What did I expect?) Ngl it's getting to the point where I'm questioning if the canon lore changed or not. Like- correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Error destroy the AUs because he pretty much just... doesn't like them?? He doesn't think they should exist??? I'm not trying to sound like a btch or like I'm trying to control what people write, I would hate myself if I ever became like that, but I do wish I could find more stuff that uses a not-so-righteous Error, y'know? Let my man be in the wrong! Let him throw a temper tantrum! Let him destroy for the sake of it RAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

(Feel free to talk about your AU if you want to, Anon. I can't promise that I'll give good commentary or anything, but I can listen/read whatever you say!)

Smh Anon, you forget about the real star of this show: Broomie /j. The thing is, Broomie is kinda like Ink's legitimate other half. They've been together since Ink first got splashed with the paints, and it's like an even closer friend than Dream would've been. So for Broomie to suddenly be gone, with no sign of returning... on top of everything else, he basically just had his Best Friend murdered.

Oh yes! I love the idea of Shattered and Ink having a healthy, friendly dynamic! Unfortunately, that does not happen here. Dw Anon, Ink's used to this kind of torment from me. Just ask @lix88888 about it if you're really curious. I'm sure she has a few favorites out of my tormenting episodes. If there was ever a time when Ink was praying for the Creators to have divine intervention, this is it. Every time, he's just gonna get caught because there's nowhere he can escape to. Maybe he can hide for a good while in the beginning, no one knows the Doodlesphere better than he does, but they're going to find him eventually.

Nightmare's basically like us: he's watching all of his go down and eating some popcorn. This is peak comedy to him! And their corruption- especially Dream's! What a twist!

[sunriseverse]

consider: hypersexual xue yang vs. sex-averse song lan. both of their relationships with sex are horrible. song lan’s tried multiple times and he just can’t. he’s embarrassed about it. it makes him feel bad. in his mind he’s an adult and this is something he should able to do because that’s what he’s always been told. right? right? xue yang thinks song lan can’t possibly like him if he won’t even touch him. all of his previous relationships were primarily about the sex. in his mind relationships = having sex. he’s just used to having a lot of sex in general because it’s his body and he can have a lot of sex if he wants to. he likes sex! so what? (he does not want to think about any other possible reasons he might be so obsessed with sex.) this is the source of A LOT of fighting. xue yang is so in the wrong here but he literally just can’t comprehend it and it hurts him so bad. he already can’t shake the feeling that song lan thinks he’s disgusting (even though it’s just song lan’s ocd and he cannot help it) and now this. song lan also ends up feeling like shit because shouldn’t be able to give his partner that? and what about xiao xingchen? does he feel that way? does he think it and not say it?

and then xxc comes in like, have you heard of exhibitionism? just because he doesn’t like participating doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to watch. but it sort of turns out that xue yang doesn’t like being watched, at least not when it’s phrased like that, and also xiao xingchen’s getting tired of being the peacekeeper here.

(in this particular scenario, i imagine they’re boyfriends but kind of mad about it. but they actually do like each other. they smile and laugh and joke and make each other feel nice. but also really bad sometimes. but they want xxc to be happy. and they’re already around each other so much, it’s kind of hard to avoid being relationship-y sometimes)

literally. okay. taking a moment to press my face into my hands and scream silently. how do you once again. know EXACTLY what vague thoughts have been percolating in my head. what witchcraft. what sorcery.

yeahhhhhh yeah yeah like. they both have. fucking terrible relationships with sex but they Refuse to Think About It in like. opposite directions. xy is like im normal this is normal everything is totally normal and fine! (its. so very very not. sobs quietly.) and sl is like clearly i am wrong and broken and i need to Try Harder even if it makes me feel Fucking Miserable And Bad (also wrong. so wrong. oh zichen please let me cradle you like a beloved ccat and whisper endearments and press little kisses to the top of your head.) and so they wind up in this situation where like. they’re both trying to do what they think they Should Do even when like. it makes them both feel Bad (in similar but differing flavours). and like. xy’s rejection sensitive dysphoria plus literally every other fucking thing he’s got going on that makes him prone to and paranoid about sl hating him just going fucking BONKERS every time sl withdraws and turns in on himself. and sl grappling with this horrible conviction that maybe they both kind of secretly hate him because he can’t do this ONE fucking Normal Thing. delicious. i’m chewing on it.

and you’re right xxc IS tired and like. he doesn’t deserve to constantly play mediator!!!!! that’s not a fair role to him or anyone else involved here!!!!!!!!! what they NEED is to sit down and talk shit out and come prepared with prewritten lists of their concerns and wants and dislikes and so forth. bangs my gavel on the table RELATIONSHIP NEGOTIATION!!!!!! NEOW!!!!!!!!!!!

(and yes that’s literally the perfect thing i think like. they’re not exactly together in the “normal” way but also like they’re not NOT together. but they make each other happy!!!! and also sad and hurt and angry!!!!! and safe!!!!!!! and they live together and they’re dating the same person so tjeyre like. doing couple things. and it’s nice!!!!!!!! they’re just also both trying Really Hard to not think about it because that way lies madness.)

[airbendertendou]

@nina-cortex200 i was afraid the reply would b too long so im answering this way instead, hope that’s okay!!

for SANZU, @chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter & @harumybeloved have really good posts abt this too 🫶

♡ his posture ♡ his mask — physically masking nd a comfort thing ♡ his loyalty / obsession w mikey !! ♡ no socialization [the opposite of senju, even past them being raised differently] ♡ in his head a lot ♡ so strange nd off putting when out of his head ♡ quietly observes everyone nd everything ♡ literal thinking ♡ rejection dysphoria - could b him hating everyone but mikey OR hating everyone before they have the chance to hate him ♡ sensitive smell [stinky michi ):<] ♡ staring! i think he jus stares a lot and doesn’t realize how it comes off ♡ strong sense of justice [if you wrong mikey / mucho you will suffer the consequences] ♡ he’s so weird nd he doesn’t even realize he’s being weird! this is normal behavior to him!!

for RINDOU, @dead-boys-club has a post, too!

♡ his posture, specifically sitting posture [pretzel boy] ♡ antisocial behavior ♡ the way ran looks after him - i know that’s his big brother nd what he’s supposed to do, but it also feels v much like caretaker w child on a leash otherwise they drift off / cause trouble [w the kawata twins, their caring for / looking after each other feels v equal, but w the haitani’s it feels very much like ran is the caretaker. again, could b from how they were raised / lack of parents or anything else.] ♡ hypermobile !! splits like no one’s business ♡ is pain permanence a thing? he lacks feeling pain ♡ controlling his tone of voice / his face - always v monotone and bored ♡ lack of empathy ♡ also poor at sensing what emotion he’s feeling

animated characters i see as autistic aka i relate a lil too much