#what you cant see: her augments on the other side of her face

[uldren-sov]

Aresia von Valancius, btw

If you even care

[unicronian]

a bunch of powers/hybrid smp character design hcs based around their powers in the mod:

(small warning for slight body horror in tubbo and wilbur’s sections, and horror themes in wilbur’s section)

this got long so here’s a snapshot of my fav bits above the read more:

tubbo can open his stomach up like a shulker, and just reach in there and put stuff in and get it out again

wilbur’s physical appearance is dependent on how well rested the person looking at him is

tommy glides by t-posing because his arms are his wings

ranboo can open unhinge his jaw and open his mouth like an enderman, and he has like an extra layer of mouth skin like a snake that you can only see when his mouth is unhinged

Phil hates places with low ceilings cause his wings are super long and he can’t stretch them out

Niki’s got gills on her neck to help filter water, so when she wants to talk to people above water she has to stick just her head out of the water and leave her neck beneath it

You know su!peridot’s augments she had at her intro, jack can like do that with his clawed fingers. Just like detach them at will and control them but they can’t go very far from him so it isnt very useful

Shulk!Tubbo:

tubbo has pretty thick skin with a slightly sickly pallor even though he’s perfectly healthy

he also has a carapace that’s similar in color and texture to a shulker’s shell covering the parts of his body that don’t bend(arms, legs, top of his head, upper chest) he can use these to block sword blows but if the sword is sharp enough it’ll stick cut into his skin

the carapace itself doesnt bleed, but it does heal and tubbo feels pain if it gets cut

like a lobster or turtle the carapace is a part of tubbo’s skin and can’t be removed(without extreme pain)

his hands are also reinforced by his carapace, giving him sharp claws at the tips of his fingers, and this is why he can punch through stone easily and without breaking his hand

he’s also pretty heavy underneath this extra armor and as a result he’s got a lot of intense muscle mass

tubbo can open his stomach up like a shulker, and just reach in there and put stuff in and get it out again, but it has limited storage

it kind of makes his stomach look like a shulker, with interlocking squares

the stuff inside his stomach exists in a type of hammerspace(we’ll just call it shulkerspace) so if you were to cut him open the stuff wouldnt be there

you do NOT want to stick your hand into tubbo’s shulkerspace, he can do it with no ill effects but if someone else did they might as well wave goodbye to that hand even if tubbo doesnt close his shulker mouth on your hand

Phantom!Wilbur:

wilbur can do like... ghost things like turning invisible and walking through walls in phantom state

particularly astute(or anxious) people can sense when wilbur’s nearby in phantom state, but not accurately guess where he is

wilbur oftentimes goes in and out of phantom state without even realizing it, sometimes just vanishing in the middle of the conversation because he let his mind wander

he also burns in the daylight which is sadge but not when in phantom state so he sometimes goes into the phantom state on reflex when entering a very bright room

wilbur can sense how tired people are, and if they are tired enough to summon phantoms wilbur can sense whose insomnia the phantoms are targeting on sight

wilbur looks like how you’d expect a ghost to look: see through, human, or at least... that’s what he looks like when you wake up in the morning

his physical appearance is dependent on how well rested the person looking at him is, but he is always corporeal when out of the phantom state

by nighttime, when you’re getting ready for bed wilbur’s eyes are green and if you look closely they glow in the dark, and if you look closer a skeleton makes itself clear beneath wilbur’s skin. it is not a human skeleton

by morning the next day without sleep transparent membrane stretches between wilbur’s claws and you can clearly see the skeleton. fangs protrude from its mouth and its rib cage stretches grotesquely outwards with every breath wilbur takes

by the second night wilbur’s transparent skin is blue and phantom membrane has escaped the confines of his hand and run down the length of his arm, extra bones begin to grow from the skeleton to accommodate the growing wing. it is harder to see through him.

by dawn of the third morning you can see a tail, more bone than blue, leathery skin, lashing behind wilbur, it seems to always whip itself in your direction. it stings when it touches you, but not for long. his frayed wings are fully formed.

night falls and wilbur’s glowing green eyes are sunken in, practically floating in black eye sockets. his skin looks vacuum sealed, giving you a perfect map of the meatless bones inside. he is entirely opaque, you cannot see through him but his stark white skeleton, expanding, stretching, and clawing at you, is clearly visible

you sleep, and wilbur looks human once again

this version of wilbur doesn’t only exist in the minds of the sleep deprived. if you let him stay in the edges of your vision too long, no matter how rested you are, you can see this form

by the time you focus your vision on him wilbur will be back to his normal state. you can’t see what your brain desperately tries to refuse. it is only when your mental walls have been broken down that you can witness wilbur’s form. for better or for worse.

Avian!Tommy:

instead of having an extra set of limbs like phil tommy’s wings and arms are the same limbs, like a harpy(and like wilbur)

where the wing’s wrist is(essentially where it bends, if you’re unfamiliar with bird anatomy) Tommy has some extra human-like clawed fingers that he uses as hands

tommy isnt strong enough to fly with them, even if he is very light thanks to hollow bones. he can glide, though

yes, this does mean that tommy glides by t-posing

tommy also has talons for feet, which sort of assist him in being slightly faster than everyone

his feathers are the same colors as a red parrot’s, and he keeps them very well maintained so they keep their lustrous color

he’s also got a lot of feathers dotting his body, like around his ears and stomach and they protect him from the cold in the high up areas he likes sleeping in

ok i dont really have anything to say abt his veganism he’s just Like That because parrot(cause god knows chickens are omnivores)

he has a beak that he uses for nuts and seeds and he can make bird noises!

And he’s got a small feathery tail that isnt useful for much but does look cool

Even though he can’t fly Tommy does have a third eyelid like a bird, it goes side to side and is transparent, he mostly just uses it while gliding or swimming

Enderian!Ranboo

Very tall boy with very long arms

Honestly very similar to dsmp!ranboo

Water burns him like acid and leaves behind very distinctive burn scars but he heals pretty easily from water burns

He is Constantly bamboozled by people wearing pumpkins and he’s Not a fan

Ranboo can open unhinge his jaw and open his mouth like an enderman, and he has like an extra layer of mouth skin like a snake that you can only see when his mouth is unhinged

He’ll avoid eye contact at all cost because it agitates him and gets him unreasonably angry at whoever he’s talking to, the others have gotten very good at avoiding eye contact with him, though

Teleporting is a lot of fun to him and he’ll sometimes just teleport around just for the sake of it, because he can sense the change in location when teleporting in a way humans with ender pearls cant

Enderians are the results of people trying to fuse together with end-based magic and so all of them have the half and half texture of their skin, but most of them all have the same powers

Speaking of skin, Ranboo’s ender skin is strangely smooth and he doesn’t have a protruding nose, just slits in his face he smells through

He also doesn’t have any body hair at all, but his long ears generally distract from that

Elytrian!Phil

Phil is an incredibly light person, compared to a human he’d be dangerously underweight

He’s essentially skin, hollow bones, and elytra because if he was anything else he wouldn’t be able to fly especially with armor on

However this and his hollow bones means he’s pretty weak in all areas, especially underground

Thanks to his Brain he gets slow and weak under low ceilings and also sadge

Aside from the kind of unearthly tint to his skin Phil looks pretty human, aside from the elytra of course

He’s got insect wings protected by an elytra. So, elytra on beetles and things are kind of like a half circle protecting the wings and pressing them to the body of the beetle, and this works because beetles are wing shaped- phil is not

So, phil has very unique elytra that completely encase his wings, and the top part moves out of the way to let his wings fold out so they’re like twice his height- and that partially adds to his dislike of low ceilings, he can barely stretch his wings

Phil’s got fragile beetle wings so they look pretty fragile but they can withstand a beating and carry Phil a ways(though it’s partially phil’s innate magic that lets him shoot into the sky)

Phil has a transparent third eyelid just like Tommy

And, he has antennae that he uses to feel the wind while flying

Merling!Niki

Niki essentially has two types of skin: a human-looking thick layer of skin that covers the upper portion of her body and an even thicker scale-like layer that covers the lower half

Her human-like skin is very rough and it doesn’t absorb water like human skin does, the scales are smooth but also don’t absorb water

She has two legs and a long, thick tail she uses to propel herself through the water, the tail is entirely covered in her blue scales

Her hands and feet are webbed so when she swims she spreads her hands out to help push herself through the water

Niki also has decorative fins on various places on her body like her ears, legs, arms and stomach, they’re all blue and can’t be controlled in anyway

She’s got gills on her neck to help filter water, so when she wants to talk to people above water she has to stick just her head out of the water and leave her neck beneath it

Breathing in air and rain at the same time is extremely uncomfortable and leaves her constantly feeling short of breath but she considers it well worth it to walk on land for a period of time

She also has sharp teeth because: yes

She doesn’t have eyelids, though, her eyes are built like a fish’s

Blazeborn!Jack

Jack constantly gives off heat, he wont burn anyone but you’ll get very hot if you stand too close to him for too long

He has metallic blaze skin that glows like molten metal if he was recently on fire or in lava

You know su!peridot’s augments she had at her intro, jack can like do that with his clawed fingers. Just like detach them at will and control them but they can’t go very far from him so it isnt very useful

And, of course, he’s immune to poison and hunger because he’s basically an android, he’s like a gold material and metal cant get poisoned or hungry

Jack will, however, become fatigued if he’s away from intense heat like fire or lava for too long, like a week

He gets hurt in water because the water basically sucks the heat away from him and that actually hurts him

Staying in a cold biome too long would do the same thing if jack didnt go prepared with warm clothing and probably a flint and steel but tbf to jack humans also die in cold biomes if they’re unprepared

I’ve got nothing for fragranceman right now as i’m not sure if schlatt’s going to be on the server a lot

But i might make skins for these!

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Operation Steel- Eye,”

This is probably the last bit I will be doing on this particular thread because I want to do more with it in the book version, but hopefully this will get you guys interested in how things turn out. 

They had gone through another attack. The rundi chairwoman had not been expecting it, but all of a sudden there were voices, and shouts, and people running this way and that, she had been hurriedly bundled into a truck and driven for over an hour in the opposite direction with no idea what was happening, and no one that seemed to want to tell her what was going on. When they finally stopped she was told there had been another attack, and they were trying to get her as far away from the fighting as possible.

They waited there for over half a day, and only began their return journey when a spotty call came in over their radio to drive them back. When they reached camp, a good portion of it had been damaged, especially alone the suwards side, though, as she got out of the truck, she was told they were lucky, and the ashfall cleared enough that their long range weapons became more effective, driving the Drev off for a time.

“However, I don’t think I need to tell you how imperative it is that we get operation steel-eye up and running.” The admiral was saying leading her through the camp, as the soldiers scrambled to repair and re-supply themselves for an attack that could happen at any moment. Ever since the supply ships had been able to get through the atmosphere, thing in camp were looking a little less bleak.

The wounded were better cared for, and the soldiers were receiving more rations. 

Though the ash was still a heavy nuisance, and kept the days mostly dark, they did have occasional times of clearance that allowed them to see the sun.

She moved into place behind the admiral, who had led them to the new medical tent, less of a tent now and more of a pop-up shelter, with reinforced siding, and an actual door. Stepping inside, she couldn’t help but gawk at the difference just a few days of supplies had made. The floors and walls were a uniform steel grey, and proper decontamination equipment was brought in to rinse ash from their bodies. Instead of suits to put over themselves they were washed off and given entirely new sets of clothes.

Stepping onto the ward was a much greater relief. The place was spotless clean, bright white lights shone in from above, and instead of rolled mats on the floor, there were cots, clean bandages, and monitoring machines hooked up to each of the wounded soldiers beeping away with their vital signs. Instead of moaning and pitiful whimpering from earlier, they were silent most of them asleep, all of them heavily drugged under vast swaths of pain killing medication. The first half of the room housed newly injured soldiers lying on cots their missing limbs bandaged and properly cleaned.

But the back of the room, well the back of the room was where things changed. 

The fruits of operation steel- eye. At least twenty soldiers, this being the first medical tent, she was told there were twenty more soldiers in the second.  They did not lay on open beds, but instead hung from the walls in various states of unconsciousness, pinned there by the thick metal contraptions welded to their bodies. A main rod of the metal was riveted down their backs curving around onto their hips and then locking at the knees, similarly with the arms.

Metal protrusions connected to the underarms and over the back of the hands. 

It was a strange sight, and made her rather nervous as she somehow felt the wrongness of the steel next to delicate skin and bone.

Theadmiral stepped forward to examine the sleeping soldiers, “We lost 20% of these brave men and women after the first few hours out from the operation. Bacterial meningitis, and the occasional paralysis. A few of them just stopped breathing, but that could have been a reaction to the medication. This is all we have left.

The rundi chair woman stepped forward looking up at the sleeping humans their eyes close, their faces so much more peaceful now. As per usual she was drawn to one human in particular, the only human that she actually knew on sight based on their history together, or their acquaintance.

From her reports, this human had been the first human ever to meet nonhuman life, and had been instrumental in language acquisition for their linguists, and now here he was reduced to nothing more than a piece of hardware to be upgraded and augmented for the purposes of better battle strategy

The thought made her sick and uneasy. The more she thought about it, the more she was coming to realize that the humans and the Drev had more in common than anyone else on this battlefield, both of them were unwaveringly brutal, the Drev with tearing off limbs…. And the humans continually asking their soldiers to give when they had already given so much. With this thought her eyes shot down towards the human’s new robotic leg still and silver in the painful overhead lights.

No other species had ever considered such a thing as an alternative option, adding machinery to bioology….. As far as she knew there was nothing human’s couldn’t replace, and that thought made her wonder…. How far could they go before there was no more human left before the machine took over completely?

As she thought looking up at the sleeping human the admiral came to stand next to her looking up at the face of the sleeping human.

Her eyes drifted downwards, noting a strange dissimilarity in one of the human’s arms. With one hand she pointed out, “What is that.”

He glanced towards, “Oh, well, that is a drug port.”

“A drug port?”

“He nodded, unfortunately due to our time constraints we cant let their injuries fully heal, which means we will be mainlining morphine during combat, but due to the nature of the side effects of morphine, we are going to have to pair it with a drug classified as a stimulant to keep alert during battle.” 

The rundi chairwoman shifted nervously, “I… not to question your methods admiral, but havent you asked enough from them. First they lose their limbs, then you splice them with robotics, and now you are keeping them drugged.” The admiral looked down at her with a cold unreadable expression, “You wanted us to win this war, and sometimes we have to do things that don’t make us sleep so well at night.” 

There was an awkward pause of silence between them, but she let it go.

What did she know.

The humans probably knew what they were doing.

***

Lieutenant Adam Vir woke slowly, but he did it without pain. 

In a somewhat drowsy haze, he floated upwards towards consciousness like one would float upwards through a pool of warm salt water. lights , beginning as big fuzzy circles, soon condensed themselves downwards into sharp points of light. The buzzing in his ears followed suit morphing and churning before turning dowards and sharpening out into a baseless echo. The echo that soon turned and warped again until, “Lieutenant, Lieutenant, can you hear me.”

The light jumped first to one eye and then the other.

He blinked past the pain squinting as he tried to make out the room ahead of him.

His fuzzy surroundings condensed, contracted, and then finally sharpened out, to the face of a woman. She was small petite, with black hair pulled up in a bun, and large, thick framed glasses. She had one hand on the side of his face as she flicked the light between his eyes.

He groaned slightly and shifted.

“There were are, that's good, can you focus here on the light and follow it please.” It took him a moment to comprehend what she was saying, but finally followed the little pen light with his eyes. She clicked it off andplaced it in her pocket, “Very good.” Reaching out she felt the side of his neck and up under his jaw, “Turn your head to the right…. Now left…. Now open your mouth…. Tilt your head back.” He did as told, though somewhat groggily. As he tried to tile his head back, he felt something strange flexing with him, “Very good, now can you wiggle your fingers for me.” He did as requested tilting his head down to look at his body, which he now realized was hanging upright instead of lying down. 

He blinked again, trying to push a haziness from his eyes as he squinted past his hands and down towards his legs. They were bare mostly, which is how he noticed the metal prosthetic so quickly. 

He missed her next couple of words as sounds and images came flooding back to him. Ashfall, a dark silhouette looming over him, the sharp point of a spear, and terrible horrible pain.

Something was beeping frantically off to his side.

A hand rested on his arm, “Come on back to us Lieutenant, you’re safe here.” He opened his eyes again looking over to find the admiral standing next to him, “There we go.”

He blinked again.

“How are you feeling?” The man asked

“Not… in pain.” He responded thickly

“Try flexing your toes.”

He did as told looking downwards. His left foot flexed just fine, but the right remained still. He grew sick felt his stomach churn.

“Hm that…. Wait, hold on there kid, we need to power it on.” A sudden relief washed over him as the woman bent down to engage the limb. The Admiral patted his shoulder, and suddenly his eyes widened, he could FEEL his leg, could feel the woman’s fingers as they moved across the metal, could feel it as if it was his own skin. 

He shivered, and then shuttered goosebumps erupting across his entire body. She looked up at him, “Can you feel that.”

He nodded dumbstruck, eyes wide.

“That's good, now do what the good lady says and try to raise your arms.” 

He did as told, and nearly clobbered himself in the head as his hands and arms flew upwards. He jolted in confusion, staring down at his arms in shock. He flexed hs fingers watching as tiny metal bits flexed with him clicking softly. He flexed his arm again and it felt as if he wasn’t even moving it, instead being dragged along by the metal frame which held his body.

He dropped his hands again.

“Reduce the response time on those,” the admiral ordered, “Let him get the hang of it first.” The woman adjusted something on the leg. He shivered again, feeling her fingers, the sensation was so real, he expected to look down and see his leg back, but predictably it was still metal.

“Go ahead and flex your toes now.” 

Nervously he did as asked,and this time the toes of the prosthetic twitched and then curled inwards. He moved one, and then the other and then rolled them tilting his head back and closing his eyes, feeling as if he was in ecstasy.

“Good.” All around him, the other soldiers were doing the same. Across the way, a soldier, who was missing three of her limbs had tears spilling down her face as she flexed her new arm.

Another was blinking through a robotic eye and speaking for the first time…. With a mechanical jaw.

“Lets lower him down slowly let him feel the ground. They rushed to do as told racing over to the wall and slowly lowering him towards the ground. His feet made contact with cold metal…. He could feel it, the cold through the soles of his feet, the only difference was that…. Without skin, he didn't feel that subtle deflection as skin puckered and flatted about objects.

He tried lifting the knee of the new leg, and it came as told. He flexed the ankle, and the foot moved seamlessly with it.

“Wow.”

It was almost as if his leg was back, almost as if….

Embers fell from the sky, and that dark shape moved closer to him fro the darkness.

A hand rested on his shoulder and he jerked away, “Stay with us lieutenant.” The admiral moved forward taking him by the shoulders, “Look at me.”

He did.

The other man’s eyes burned hungrily, “This is your chance…. For revenge, to make them pay for what they did to you.”

Adam nodded, but at the same time, something inside him felt very uneasy. IS revenge what he really wanted…. But of course it was… wasn’t it, that roach had taken his leg..? But shouldn't he feel more?

“And, you will help win the war, no more casualties, no more pain. You do this and it will all be over, you’ll have served the UNSC, the GA, and earth….. Can you do that for me?”

Of course the admiral was right.

“Yes sir.” 

[mydaydreams]

Nightmare-Bucky Barnes

Summ- what happens when Bucky wakes from a nightmare choking the love of his life. 

Story May be triggering to some readers 

Warnings- sex, swearing, choking 

Authors note- tumblr has been real mean to me lately. wont let me post. that's why I have been inactive. let me know if you have a prompt of something else you guys would like me to write for you. 

Nightmare   Bucky and I have been together for about 5 months now. things were starting to get pretty serious. I at least knew it was getting serious when he finally told me who he really was and introduced me to all of his friends/team mates. that night he told me his 'Story'...well I guess he told me some of it. at one point he started crying and I had to stop him. I wanted to know what all he had been through but I didn't want t see him in pain. I didn't want him to relive it all just to tell me. I had to stop him and tell him that I didn't care. he didn't have to finish. I told him I loved him no matter what. he told me no one has ever told him they loved him before. he said that he loves me too and he warned me. he warned me that because I was with him I was putting my life in danger. I told him I did not give a damn. I loved him and I wanted to be with him. that was my choice. he promised me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me regardless. 

As if the world was out to get us, a week later I was kidnapped. I don't know I guess I wasn't as fazed by it as usual kidnap victims are.  didn't freak out and I wasn't scared after. No PTSD, I didn't go through anything. it honestly wasn't that big of a deal for me, this angered Bucky. he thought I should be mad at him for not keeping me safe. he was confused and mad that I wasn't frightened. I laughed it off and told him it was because I was literally unconscious the whole time. literally. some Hydra agent needed that smallest amount of info and decided to steal me. he found out where I lived and broke in while I was sleeping. the man chloroformed me and took me. I didn't know anything had happened till I woke up. I was on some medical table with Bucky Tony and Bruce hovered over me. I had an IV in me and Bucky was looking as guilty as ever. I remember the augment we had that night. the one that almost ruined us...

"I cant believe I let this happen." Bucky said pacing around his living area. we were at the tower and I was going to be staying that night. me and Bucky had just gotten in his room. "Bucky baby its not that big of a deal." I said trying to reach for him. "Not that big of a deal? you were gone. taken right out from under me Y/N. he could have tortured and beaten you!" he said I sighed and ran my hand up his arm. "but I wasn't." he scoffed "you could have been killed or...or" I shushed him. "Bucky. I'm here. I'm okay. you did protect me, you got me out. you got me back, you kept me safe. Please Bucky." I said softly. "He could have Rapped you Y/N." he said closing his eyes and shaking his head, as if to shake the thought out of his brain. "Bucky..." I whispered. "I cant be with you anymore."  my heart stopped. "Wha..What?" I asked shaking my head. "No!" I said stepping back. "What are you even??? what do you even mean? you cant be serious." I said, like him trying to shake the thought out of my head. my breathing quickened and tears started to burn in my eyes. "Buck... you cant leave me. we just,..." the tears started falling as I took another two steps away from him. "I cant be with you if I'm putting your life and safety at risk, Y/N I cant." he said stepping forward and taking my hand. I snatched my hand out of his. "that's not your choice to make Bucky. I chose you. My choice." I said stomping my foot like a child. " if you didn't wanna be with me or anyone because you would be putting my lives in danger why did you talk to me? why did you peruse me? why did you as me out?" I asked my voice rising. he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. "And most importantly why the FUCK did you make me Fall in love with you just to fucking dump me after the first scare James....I...I cant fucking take this. I'm fucking out of here." I said crying and walking towards the door. he grabbed my arm and yanked me to him. "Y/N please I'm just trying to find a solution. I don't wanna leave you, I don't wanna loose you, I love you too baby please." he said as if I could do anything to fix the stupid situation we are in. " ‘Baby please’ what? I cant give you some magic solution to your ridiculous notion that you can keep me safe 24/7. you cant move in with me and stay with me all day every day to make sure I'm 100% safe at all times. Bucky, your my boyfriend not my fucking body guard!" I said his eyes widened and he paused for a second. he looked up at me after a moment and started to speak again. "that could work actually." he said thinking. I rolled my eyes and scoffed "what could work Bucky?" I asked the corners of his lips lifted slightly. he turned and grabbed a hold of both of my hands. he looked into my eyes and smiled "lets move in together." he said softly. my heart spiked. "what?" I asked. he smiled wider. "well. I cant be around you 24/7 like you said. after all I do have a job and I have to safe the world quite often but, if we were to live together I could be with you every night if I'm not on missions. and when I am on mission you could stay that the tower with the others." he explained as he pulled me to his chest.

 live with me.

 he wants to live with me. I would have to talk to him later about how I didn't need to be babysat but living together is a huge step forward. a step forward that I want to take with Bucky. 

After we cooled down we sat together and watched a movie and talked about all the kinks of moving in. we talked about getting an apartment somewhere in the city. maybe even in the same building as Steve's. Bucky thought it would be cool to have an apartment across the hall from him. he said it reminded him of the show Friends, I had recently gotten him to watch. he loved the show. we thought about getting a place in the tower maybe... but then again I already didn't wanna be baby sat and having Stark Cameras on my every move was the ultimate invasion of privacy. I don't know how Bucky could live here already with all the stark surveillance. after a few hours our fight was forgotten and we went to bed a completely content with the moving in together compromise. 

that night I woke up with a start. my air way was cut off and I was couldn't to breath. my mouth and nose were blocked off and there was a sharp paid in my neck. my eyes shot open to meat Bucky's blue eyes, his pupils were dilated like hell and his face was red. "Buck-y" I managed to say as his grip around my neck got tighter. "Buck!" I gasped. his grip tightened and tightened I tried gasping for air and I couldn't get any. the pressure in my eras was reaching unbearable and tears burned in my eyes. I was screaming in my head. the love of my life was literally choking me to death. " Touch her and I will kill you!" he said softly. I tried kicking and scratching at him but he wouldn't budge "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" he Screamed looking me straight in the eyes. Fear pierced my heart as I was seconds from giving up before his bedroom door flew open and Vison was next to us in seconds. Sam wasn't far behind as they both pulled him off of me. Steve and Natasha came running in the room finally as I tried to catch a breath. my hands flew to my throat as I still couldn't breath. Natasha was at my side and lifting me from the bed. I tried making hand singles at her. trying to tell her even though bucks hands were gone I still couldn't breath. the pain on my throat was so much. I was hysterically crying. trying to mouth the words "its hurts its hurts I cant breath I cant breath." I touched my face with my hand and it was burning hot. I could feel Natasha cradling me in her arms right before I slowly passed out.

=========================

Natasha told me that I slept for 3 days when I woke. I was still at the tower just in the recovery clinic in a different part of the building. I was in a room with blue walls, laying In Stark's version of what a hospital bed should be and I had to say I agree. my whole body was super comfortable and they had me on so many fancy drugs, I couldn't feel a thing. the only reason I even knew there was a problem was because I couldn't talk. when Sam first came to visit a few days later he told me it was a good thing that I couldn't talk. I wanted to laugh but I just wrote "fuck you" on the white board that Tony gave me to communicate. 

on my 4th night being awake but my 10th night being in the clinic I finally looked at myself in the mirror. I would have gasped if I could even move my mouth at all. my whole Neck was bruised and swollen. the swelling was so bad it forced my face upward. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I looked like that. I broke down crying. I fell to the floor and hugged my knees to my chest.

on my 13th day in the clinic I finally talked with Natasha and Wanda about how I was truly feeling. they had been good friends to me ever since I met them. I had grown really close to Natasha and even more so now that she had helped me after Bucky...  "So, Can you tell us what happened?" Wanda asked sitting on the Sofa across from me. Natasha sat at my feet on the bed looking up at me with wondering eyes. a part of me knew what every one was thinking but not saying out loud. every one was scared Bucky had done this on purpose. as if he wanted to hurt me. as if he was an abuser. everyone thought these horrible things could be true but not me. I knew. every one knew Bucky had crazy nightmares like this. Hes done this before! he just hasn't ever hurt anyone before. I wrote on the white board "Dreaming, Kept Screaming 'Touch her I Kill you'" they both sighed and I know the sighs are of relief. no one had told me anything about Bucky since I got in. I erased that then wrote "I know he didn't mean it... I just hope he still wants to be with me." tears started running down my face as I showed them then erased and wrote "I Know he must blame himself." I looked down for a moment not wanting to see their reactions. I finally looked back up and put a question mark on my board. they just looked at me. I looked back to my board and wrote "We talked about getting a place together... somewhere in Steve's building maybe..." I looked up at them and tried to smile with my lips but I just couldn't. Natasha find of smiled but she looked as if she was withholding information. I would have sighed with frustration if I could. instead I wrote on my board " this isn't much of a talk."

on the 20th day I had it. The swelling on my neck was gone and I could move my head and face. I was walking around more on my own but I decided against leaving my little room days ago. I thought if Bucky wanted to see me he would come and visit, but also why would he want to visit. he hurt me. not on purpose but he hurt me he must be thinking that he needs to stay away from me. he must be thinking he couldn't protect me from kidnappers and he cant even protect me from himself. he probably wants to break things off with me to "protect me" he wouldn't wanna live with me after this, much less be with me. I spent most of the day crying. every one left me alone that day. even Natasha. they all probably knew I was crying and didn't come in.

the next day Natasha came to visit and after about 2 hours of small talk I couldn't do it any more. it was driving me crazy not being near Bucky and it was driving me crazy being stuck in this fucking room for weeks without him.  I wrote on my board "he's not coming is he?" I don't even know why I wrote the question mark. shit I don't even know why I wrote the question. I knew it deep inside. I knew it 100% though when I saw the look on Nat's face. it was instant tears. she closed her eyes and rubbed my knee as I cried. anger spiked through me. I chucked the white board across the room. it hit the Wall with a loud satisfying crack that made Nat flinch.

 I just pointed at the door.

 the second she closed the door, I was up and putting my things together. I shoved everything that Nat had brought for me in the bag...that she also had brought for me, and I put my shoes on. I had ditched the hospital gown when I as first woken up but today I was in a tank top and some sweats. 

when I got myself completely together I finally left the room and headed down the hall. I left my keys in Buckys room so I needed to go there and get them before I actually leave. I tip toed around the tower and only took the stairs. I'm just happy I could finally breath on my own and that I was still pretty athletic or all the flights of stairs I took would have totally killed me.

 I wanted to check the gym before actually going to his room. if he's upset and I know he must be he should be spending most of his time in the gym and if he's in the gym he wont be in the room and if he's not in the room I don't have to run into him. decides, he doesn't wanna see me anyway. 

when I saw that he was in fact at the gym beating the shit out of a punching bag it took all I had in me too tare my eyes away. all I wanted to do was run in there and kiss him. i shook my head and ran to his room and quickly grabbed one of my jackets and my keys then left. I went out the back way. I already know they know I'm leaving and I know who ever found out first has probably already had someone sent after me, so when I finally hit the parking lot I was in a full dead ass sprint. I already knew they were coming and I already know that they know where I'm going but I'm still going to the same place. My Apartment. in not about to change my destination I don't care if I'm found, I just wanna be at home. 

when I finally got home I wasn't surprised to see Natasha and Steve already here and sitting on my couch. I just rolled my eyes and threw my keys on the kitchen counter and threw my bag on the floor. if I had my board... I don't even know or care what I would say with it. I didn't say anything at all. all I did was walk to my fridge grad a bottle of wine and a glass.

 I saw Steve start to stand but Natasha held her hand out stopping him. I laughed in my head, my girl knows I need a drink. I poured a deep ass glass and drank the whole thing in under 30 seconds. I started pouring another glass when Steve spoke. "He Loves you." he said Natasha sighed at his words. I closed my eyes and took another deep ass gulp. I wanted to say 'if he did he'd be here.' I shook my head at the thought as Natasha actually said my thought out loud. 

I would have scoffed if I could. no she cant read my mind, but she defiantly knows what I'm thinking. Steve sighed and closed his eyes for a moment too. I lifted my glass and waved it around as if to say ' I know I know I just wish he would be here.' and Natasha reading my mind again said " she understands the situation and understands why he thinks he should stay away but she needs him and he's not here." she said I closed my eyes again and let the moisture fall down my face as I took another sip. after about 2 more glasses and me crying silently in front of them I grabbed a pin and paper.  Bucky, you know I don't care, you know I love you, you know I forgave you. I'm here if you want me. if you don't I get it, but ill be home if you do. if it makes it easier, I will never be happy without you. - Forever yours Regardless - Y/N

I handed them the paper and down the glass. I threw it in the sink roughly, effectively breaking it and tossed the empty bottle into the trash. I turned and looked over to them. they were on there feet now. probably startled by the glass breaking. I just shrugged at them and walked into my room to jump on my bed face first. when Natasha entered she sighed and sat something down on my bed side. "these are the meds your supposed to take them every day now but ill be here to make you take them every day anyway." she said matter of factly. " Tony said the green ones are for discomfort, you take one the second you start to feel any pain. this other bottle is for healing and this other one has words I don't even know on it but...ill be here to make sure you take them anyway." she repeated. she shot me a look each time she said so. "we'll let you rest, umm just call me when you wake up. remember the green ones are for pain." she said I didn't bother looking up from where my face was firmly planted in my sheets. I just lifted my hand up and gave her a sarcastic thumbs up. although she probably doesn't know its sarcasm. 

=====================

crying and drinking!

 that's what I have been doing for the past 5 days. that's 26 days without the love of my life. in my opinion, you start going through withdrawals. I'm more nervous and shaky. I've been biting my nails off and the worst part about feeling this is the giant gapping whole that has formed in my chest. its as if I'm being torn up from the end side out. like there is this black whole in my chest that's gonna swallow me up the longer I'm away from him.

 the pain was unbearable. Starks green pills didn't work for this pain. I had cried for 2 days straight. I went ahead and texted tony about it hoping he could either help more with the pain or better yet knock some since in my favorite super soldier. 

Tony some how rigged it so I had paid time off at my work. they were sending my checks right to my apartment. I didn't know how long I would have that leave from work but my voice had finally started coming back. and the bruising on my neck was a blue greenish color now so the healing had been working. Without Starks Magic I'm sure it would have taken me at least 8 weeks in ICU before I could do anything on my own. my voice was still very raspy but Natasha was helping me with it. "Tony says in 2 weeks you will be singing again. he said he knew you would be pissed if you couldn't sing anymore so he made you this special gum that you can take to somehow help your vocal cords." Nat told me. I smiled up at her and spoke softly "he's right, I would be pissed." she let out a small laugh. 

that day Natasha convinced me to go to the mall with her. I caved and we actually found some really cute clothing and some cute decorations. I know I shouldn't be looking for things to decorate me and Bucky's now fictional apartment but I had too. I still had hope me would get his head out of his ass. on our way our of that particular store we walked past a spa. Natasha was the one who actually stopped and was pulling me inside. I just smiled and went in with her. if there is ever a chance to get Natasha in a girlly place like this, I'm taking it. I actually ended up getting my hair cut. Short and cute. at least that's what Natasha called the cut. she said it was just like me repeating "Short and cute." it made me laugh. it felt good to laugh. on our way out of the mall we got stopped. a very handsome tall blonde man walked over to us. I assumed he was hitting on Nat. he had a very welcoming vibe and his bright green eyes would be something to melt over. "Well Daring? would you at least take my number?" he asked. I guess I spaced out. was he actually talking to me? that made me smile so I went ahead and took his number and said thank you. I shoved the number in my back pocket as I felt my face heat up. Nat just smiled at me as we mad our way to the exit.

when we got back to the apartment we unloaded everything I had gotten and put everything away. when finished Nat Sat on the couch of my living room and I walked into the kitchen to make us glasses of wine. I walked back over to her and handed her, her glass and sat with her. "you've been drinking an awful lot lately." she commented. I gave her a look.

 there went my first good day. 

"when the Love of your life chocks you in your sleep then dumps you by saying nothing at all we will see what your fucking poison is!" I snapped. I shook my head and took a sip before speaking again " I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." she nodded " I know, and I know how your feeling. well I mean, I know what its like to get hurt by the winter soldier and not Bucky." she said taking a drink of her wine. my eyebrows raised. as she pulled her shirt up a bit showing me a big round blotchy scar. "when on a mission, I was assigned to protect someone. the winter soldier showed up and shot right through me to kill the guy. Bucky still comes up to me sometimes..." she says pulling her shirt back down and taking a drink. I joined her. "to apologize." she finished. that made my heart warm. I gave her a soft smile and she returned it by touching my knee kindly. I looked down and took a deep breath. "if it makes you feel any better..." she said starting to gently run her hand up and down my thigh. " Bucky hasn't spoken to anyone since he hurt you. not even Steve." she told me.

 I sighed that didn't make me feel any better. that didn’t make me feel better at all. he's just as alone and depressed as I am. that doesn't make me feel good. Bucky in pain makes me hurt. in fact that made me want to cry. my heart sped up and my face I could tell was turning red before the tears started to fall. "he's not coming is he?" she casted her eyes downward and I just broke all over again. she grabbed me and pulled me to her as I cried.

========================= 

the next few days went by in a blur. 8 more days. 34 Days without him. I cleaned my house dirtied it up and cleaned it again. hell I even rearranged my furniture out of boredom. I debated on going back to work but I knew I would leave when I got there. I don't wanna do anything anymore. I don't wanna do anything without him. today it rained. it stared raining at about 7:32 am and it hasn't stopped yet. I sat at my windowsill, a glass of wine in hand as I watched the rain fall. when me and Bucky first met... it was in the rain.

 I was completely drenched as I walked through the park. I wore my yoga's and running shoes to workout in the ran. I was jogging though the park just like Bucky was. we had literally ran right into each other. both of us at a full sprint in the rain turning a sharp corner. we crashed into each other and slipped together on the pavement. I fell on my back while his weight fell on top of me. his body hit mine with a smack we both let out a loud groan. he looked down at me or a moment then lifted his torso up and off of mine and rested his weight in his Metal arm? I looked into his eyes for a moment. I don't know how long we laid on the ground just watching each other. he looked at me like I was the only person in the world. he blinked and looked down at my lips, then back to my eyes. "I'm Bucky."

I pulled the wine bottle up and poured. I was starting to think that maybe he was just...maybe it wasn't as serious as I thought it was. our relationship. I know its only been 8 months and that 8th month I have been here hurt, without him.

 its been raining all daybut I hadn't cried once. that 'once' should have been a 'yet' as the tears of the day finally started falling. I leaned against a see-though window crying my eyes out. I just wanted to be outside in the rain. with him again.

I walked outside my front door slowly. I was wearing black short shorts and a white tank. my feet were bare as I took the first step past the threshold of my apartment. I felt the cool concrete under my toes as I walked slowly out to the courtyard that's outside my widow. I felt a drop of water fall on my foot. just one drop and I wasn't out from under the complexes roofing yet. I stopped and sighed realizing it was one of my tears. I rolled my eyes at myself and took another sip of my wine. I walked out from under the roofing and felt the wet grass under my feet. the water started to fall down one me soaking my clothing and wetting through my hair. I covered my wine glass with my hand to protect the wine and then I looked up to the sky. I watched the water fall and the stars staying still and shining bright between the cracks of the water drops. I gulped down the rest of the wine and through the glass on the ground. it slid on the wet grass until finally reaching the street and crashing against the curb and breaking under someone's feet. I looked up and my breath cached. 

"Buck." 

"W-what are you doing here?" I choked out as he slowly started to approach me. he was in his civilian clothes. a regular grey shirt and jeans with his favorite black jacket. his hair was soaked and sticking to his face. along with the rest of his body. I didn't look at him as he got closer. "I-I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore. you haven't come to see me after..." I stroked my neck. "I know....I know I'm sorry. I d-don't know w-why I didn't come I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you I cant even believe I could do something like that...well I know I can do things like that but just not to you.... if Vison wasn't awake you would be dead Y/N, a-and when I finally came too I had thought I had killed you." he said yelling over the rain. by now he had reached for me. both of his hands were on my arms gripping them tightly but I didn't dare flinch. "I saw you trying to breath a-and then falling limp on the ground. I thought I had killed you. how could I live with myself knowing I had did that to you. almost taking the love of my life's, life away." he said I finally looked up at him

Love of his life 

"Love of your life?" I asked. he smiled down at me "the love of my life!" he repeated. I smiled up at him and looked down at his arms by now he had one hand on my hip and the other on my cheek. "your not afraid of touching me?" I asked looking back up at him. "its a part of why I stayed away. I don't wanna hurt you b-but.....Natasha.." was all he said. and everything came into place. she talked to him for me. probably told him how I felt and how he felt and we are miserable without each other. I couldn't believe this. I turned my head to the side and looked around. I looked down at my feet and misplaced my footing. "this cant be real..."  whispered. the grip on my hip tightened and I slipped. we fell together on the wet grass. we both let out startled groans. Bucky leaned out to look at me. his body was on top of mine, his lower body rested in between my legs. "I didn't think I would get you back into this position for a long while." I joked. he looked at me and let out a huff in a laugh. he lifted his hand and moved wet hair out of my face then his hand ran down my face and around my chin and further down to stroke my neck. I lifted my head up giving him more access. he flinched away from me when I did that. I grabbed his wrist and made him touch my neck. "I'm okay, I've been healing well, its okay. I love you!" I said making his hand cup my face. "please please don't be afraid." he whispered his voice broken. it was almost hard to hear over how heavy it was raining. "Never, I'll never be afraid. I'll only love you I swear just stay with me please. I cant live without you." I said. "and I cant live without you!" he said I smiled and grabbed the back of his neck to pull his lips to mine.

it was like it usually was, or how it used to be. kissing Bucky was like my first and last kiss all at the same time. every kiss with him is my first and last. he's the world to me. it was like that kiss could last forever. Just us under the stars as the rain fell all over us. like the first time we met but with a kiss. my lips tingled, my body tingled. every time we touched I knew it was meant to be. he pulled away and looked down at me. "I like what you did with your hair." he complemented. I blushed "thank you." he smiled every time he complemented me it felt like the first."Come on babe your getting cold. lets get you inside." he said pulling us both to our feet. I went to dust myself off but there is no point due to the rain. I then felt Bucky's Metal arm sweep me up. he was carrying me back to the apartment. 

when inside he walked me into the room and set me down on my bed in the bedroom. "I like what you did with the place." he said looking around while running his free hand in his hair. " get those wet clothes off and into your robe. I'm gonna draw you a bath." he said kissing my temple. "thanks." I said nodding and removed my clothing slowly while he left the room. after a second I heard the water running. I sighed and walked to my closet and pulled out my floor length floral rode and wrapped it around my body. I was happy he's here, that he's back with me, that he wants me still. I'm happy he isn't afraid to touch me. I wondered what Natasha had told him or talked to him about. I wanna know but I also don't care. as long as I get my Bucky back. 

he walked back into the bedroom with his shirt and shoes off. his wet pants clung to his legs as he reached for me. I took a hold of him and he pulled me to the bathroom. when I walked in it was warm. there was steam coming up from the clear water that filled the tub and the air smelled of lavender. I smiled and turned to face him. he kissed me softly and pilled the string of my rode and pushed the fabric off my shoulders letting the material fall to the ground. he looked at me nervously.

 " I know that I hurt you by not coming sooner. a-and I know its going to take a while for you to fully forgive my betrayal. I understand how much I hurt you. Natasha explained and I never wanted you to go through even more pain then the pain I had already inflicted on you. I love you and I wanna be with you. I wont be with you if you don't want to but I know you do love and want to be with me so ill stay until you don't want me anymore. and ill try my best to never hurt you again. Tony gave me drugs to take before I sleep every night. he said it would help paralyze me when I'm unconscious. so I can sleep and dream without hurting you. I wont touch you until you want me to but would you like to take a bath with me?" he stammered over his words nervously as he talked. trying his best but rushing the words out.

 I just nodded in response and he pulled the rest of his clothes off. he took a hold of me and lifted me up before stepping into the tub and slowly crouching down to sit. "its a little warm Doll." he said before he placed me in between his legs. my back against his chest and his legs on either side of mine. the hot water stung for a moment but felt really amazing against my still sore skin. I hummed and leaned back against him, happy to feel his heart again, his warmth. his heart beat stammered for a few beats before he took a breath "you didn't ever call that guy, did you?" he asked. I turned my head to the side so I could look at him. "what guy?" I asked wondering what turned his mood to jealousy. "that guy that gave you his number while you and Nat were at the mall." he spoke matter of factly. I huffed out a small laugh "Really Bucky?" I rolled my eyes "I never called him. his number if probably still in my pants pocket in the laundry." said. he sighed and I laughed. "I've only ever been yours Bucky." I said kissing his shoulder. he sighed again and poured soap on a luffa and rubbed it in. he slowly began running it over my arms, across my shoulders, and down my legs. it felt good to have his hands on me.

 I let out a relaxed sigh as he washed the last 35 days from my body. the luffa found its way back up my body and he made it a point not to run it across any intimate body parts and it was honestly starting to torture me. I slowly ran my index finger up and down his inner thigh before grabbing the wrist that held the luffa and slowly made him run it over both of my breasts. I could felt his heart skip as I did so. I laid my head back against his shoulder closed my eyes and hummed as I slowly lead his hand down towards my center. the hand that I was leading to my core was his metal one. before I could reach he's hand where it needed to be he stopped "please baby, not this hand." he whispered. my eyes fluttered open to see his. "I love this hand, and there is nothing you can do about it. I love every part of you. I am still upset. but I'm more happy that you even here to began with. please touch me Bucky." I begged.

 his other hand creeped downward. he grabbed the Luffa with his flesh hand and cleaned my center gently. I let out a soft moan and quickly got over the fact that he switched hangs. he removed the luffa and let his hand wonder back down. he separated my folds with his thumb and pinky and his index finger made contact with my already acing clit. my mouth hung open as he started making slow circles with it. I sighed out a long moan as I felt my heat mix with the water in between my legs. I held a hard grip with each of my hands on each other Bucky's thighs. I felt him grow under my but as his one finger slowly took me just how I liked. when I came he lifted one my legs and hooked his metal arm around it holding it open as he slowly slid a finger into and curled it to hit my sweet spot. my mouth flew open as he did the same motion again but this time made sure the palm of his hand was still stimulating my tingling clit. I shook helplessly. "Mmmmm Bucky." I moaned and bit down on his shoulder. "shh shh shh. I got you, just relax. ill get you there again baby." he whispered sexy in my ear. I moaned again as he used multiple fingers to plunge in and out of me hotly. "fuck bucky Fuck Fuckk."  I practically screamed as I came hard again. "Fuck I love you!" I said backing up against his cock. he jumped. "we don't have to do me baby. I just want you to feel good." he said kissing my back in between my shoulder blades. 

" I want too!" I said quickly turning towards him and successfully sinking down on his hard thick shaft. he groaned and placed both his hand on my hips and leaned back against the tile wall. I slowly lifted up and back down on him over and over. I rested one hand on his shoulder for balance so I could move faster on his cock and I brought the other one up and around the back of his neck so I could pull him in for a long and sloppy kiss. "I love you...I love you... I love you!" I said against his lips each time I sunk down on him. "Fuck I love you too!" he said kissing down my face slowly reaching my neck. I grinded against him slowing our pace making it more intimate as his finger traced the small bruises left on my neck. I put my fore head against his and locked eyes with him and grind down over and over. "I forgive you for that Bucky. I love you!" I said again grabbing his metal hand and holding it against my chest in between my breast. his eyes glistened and a small tear fell from his eye and he thrusted upward into me. "I will never leave you. Ever." he said as my legs began to shake once more "I will never leave you!" I repeated back to him as I came around him. he softly moaned as I felt his cum fill my insides. I rode out our highs till my body fell slack and stuck against his chest. 

after about 10 minutes of laying in the water like that he finally slid out of me and lifted me from his chest. "lets get to bed baby!" he said standing In the tub with me in his arms. I smiled and closed my eyes as he turned the bathroom light out and walked into the bedroom. he moved the covers out of the way and slid our wet bodies inside and covered us up. "oh hold on!" he said leaning back over the bed and grabbing his pants off the floor. he grabbed a yellow pill bottle opened it and popped a pill. I rolled my eyes as he threw the jeans back on the ground and turned back to me. he wrapped me in his arms and pulled the covers back over us. "ill do whatever I can to never hurt you again baby. I am so sorry." he said kissing one of the many yellowy bruises on my neck. I smiled and turned to kiss him. "don't even worry about it. I'm with you, till the end of the line!" I said laying my head down on his chest, closing my eyes and slowly falling asleep finally back in his arms.

[kondo-hijikata]

Remember me, please if you are still accepting these.

Pairings: Established Kondo/Hijikata, Background Heisuke/ChizuruRating: TSummary: He’s a rasetsu. That means he’s no longer human. …Right? [AO3] Part 1 of 3.

.*Antidote*.

The brush left sweeping trails of onyx in its wake as Hijikata’s hand danced over the succession of countless pages. Beautiful penmanship wasn’t a requirement for a poet, but it was becoming…even if his current work bore no vestige of artistic flow.

…Even if he hadn’t composed a single verse in weeks.

Or had it been months?

Petitions were his life now. Calligraphic petitions. Names and places, dates and times, dry facts and hard truths–each penned in style, with grace and polish and beauty. And the reports, too, comprised of elegant characters embroidered across golden paper…

All of this attention to detail, only to be sent to officials with no appreciation for such aesthetic–or guarantee that these documents would even be looked at, let alone perused.

There was purpose in the obsession with embellishment and the extra work it made, however, and that purpose, it was…

The kanji blurred when Hijikata’s focus shifted suddenly on that thought. The brush slowed and then lifted so not to blot, and he remained still, staring down at the apparatus he held between his deft fingers.

He blinked and his mouth parted. A dry huff forced out from between his lips.

Purpose? What purpose? There used to be, when his words flowered across pages bound in leather–when he wrote of morning snow in the winter and birdsong in the spring, when there was someone around who cared to treasure what he produced regardless if it was good or not.

But now, it was only names and places, dates and times, dry facts and hard truths…petitions and reports, inscribed and shipped off to disappear in a Bakufu void.

The futility of it all hadn’t even entered Hijikata’s mind until this point, until a conversation from earlier fractured the delicate floor of glass he’d trodden upon. And now the only thing he could hear was the inescapable echo of Sannan’s nonchalant voice, thrumming over and over in his memory.

“Toudo-kun also clings to his humanity, with the insistence to live by daylight.” The statement wafted calm and collected from the open shoji, as if it were a comment about trivialities of the weather instead of the tragedy of one man’s life–or all of their lives, for that matter. “I can understand where the desire comes from, but how futile it truly is…for we are no longer human.”

It’d been too long by now, doing this particular dance, and Hijikata recognized the point Sannan intended despite its vague deliverance.

“It’s not our business how he copes.” He hadn’t turned from his desk when he answered, and kept his tone curt and dismissive: a return in kind to the shot covertly fired in his direction.

A wedge had driven its way deep between himself and Sannan with Kondo’s absence, each harboring a different vision of the Shinsengumi’s future, and the tension that smoldered behind forced pleasantries only further strained the relationship.

Still, Sannan’s rank of Soucho–of General Secretary–hadn’t been given without due merit. And when no reply had been offered after the passing of several moments, Hijikata lifted his chin and slowly peered toward the doorway.

What he’d found there was a peculiar directness in Sannan’s gaze, a glint in the slight narrow of his eyes. “Perhaps not. Nonetheless, you are aware he is doing it entirely for her.” And though his words were specifically referring to Heisuke’s affection for Chizuru, Hijikata once again felt the weight of their more personal implications.

Sannan’s shoulders rose with a cant of his head. “The real pity is found in what he doesn’t realize.”

Fighting to avoid clenching his teeth, Hijikata’s digits instead curled inward on his hakama. “And that is?”

“That the end will not justify the means. When all is said and done, the effort will only bring her pain. She will suffer just as much, if not more.” Fingertips pressed to the frame of his glasses when Sannan turned, but before he resumed his stroll down the porch, he added in an almost indifferent tone, “…All because he cannot accept the reality of what he no longer is.”

The steps which carried him off had been so light that he could have been a ghost. And in a way it felt as though Sannan’s presence had been, for Hijikata stared long after at an empty space, haunted by his parting words.

No longer human.

They still plagued him now, as he gazed at the fine bristles coated in black and how they clashed with the paleness of his flesh. No longer…

His brow furrowed. Hijikata placed the brush down on the tray with a pointed tap and brought his palm before his face. Squinting, he studied the lines, the rough patches of skin, the callouses on his fingertips from years of brandishing a sword.

No longer…human. Was that true? With drinking the ochimizu, had he forfeited entirely what it meant to be of this world? Had the transformation forever removed his capacity to mesh with others unlike him, stolen his right to appreciate what he’d loved so fondly before the change in his blood?

Clear lines morphed into obscure blotches as Hijikata maintained a vacant stare. His heart still beat and his lungs still drew breath. His fingers ached from paper cuts (even if temporarily) and his stomach growled when he ignored it for too long. He felt the misery of loneliness with Kondo recovering elsewhere from his gunshot wound, felt the crushing weight of responsibility to keep the Shinsengumi afloat among all this Edo noise.

But at the same time, Hijikata also experienced the urges–the sensation of control slipping from his grasp, the imploring and nagging and suffering cries within him to just give in and answer a brute call, to quench a relentless thirst.

He swallowed the pain of these attacks he could never predict…tried to ignore the fact that each augmented in severity when compared with the last, tried to brush off the knowledge they would just keep growing worse and more erratic.

At last, Hijikata’s hand lowered. Both palms braced against his thighs as he slowly stood.

For now, he could still pass.

His socked feet traversed the tatami without a sound.

For now, he could keep on as he had been…

He stepped over the threshold and onto the porch, walked to the edge of the wooden planks and gazed up to a sky of shimmering diamonds. The moon was crescent on this winter night, but its light barely permeated the obstructing thickness of a passing cloud. Hijikata’s gaze softened.

For now, he was keeping it all together. But how long would it be until he could no longer will away the drives without intervention? How long until he could no longer recognize himself, until he became as mindless as the men Niimi had chained to the wall so many years ago? How long until this repressed nature exposed itself, until it could no longer be subdued?

The offending cloud drifted on, leaving in its wake the moon’s full luminosity–a bright, conspicuous sickle carved into darkness. Similar to the stars, and yet different. Blending in with the nightscape and yet actually an eyesore, depending on the point of view.

Hijikata’s lashes fell.

Sannan had been right about one thing, at least; it was inevitable that Chizuru would end up hurt. And if that were true, then how long would it be until Hijikata caused Kondo the same kind of pain?

His eyes opened.

…What was he thinking?

He already had, from the very moment the poison in that tiny vial made contact with his lips.

If he no longer wrote poetry, could he still call himself a poet? If he was no longer human, could he still call himself a man? And if his adoration for Kondo was as deep as he thought it was and he still did this to him, could he really say that he…?

A cold breeze intercepted that thought and carried it off in the same way it caught Hijikata’s long hair. It was enough already, all of this. The shiver wracked his exhausted frame but his feet remained cemented where they were, as if time might stop if he simply ceased to move.

But his heart continued to beat.

And his blood still carried with it the curse.

And now, Hijikata was sure that somewhere, Kondo was staring up at this same sky–that his commander’s thoughts were undoubtedly, undeservedly filled with nothing else but him.

His vision blurred again, but for a different reason this time.

~

There were reverberations from the past that night, loud and precise, within Hijikata’s quarters.

“I had thought I made myself clear. The ochimizu is not a tool for self-preservation, but a means to step beyond the limitations.”

Despite only serving one, two futons had been laid out. …Because there had always been two. And perhaps, it was sentimental to continue that habit, but…

“But Sannan-san!” Heisuke’s open hands had been thrust toward him in desperation. “If I can’t move around during the day, then how can I–“

Hijikata lay on his side, his eyes half-lidded and fixated toward the shoji with a blank stare. He’d draped a heavy blanket over himself, and beneath that, a black haori.

“The simple answer is that you do not. The simple solution is that you let go.”

He dipped his chin, brought the haori to his nose, and inhaled.

“I can’t!” Heisuke had anguished, his distress growing. “The whole reason why I took it was–”

The fabric still smelled like him, like Kat-chan.

“Toudo-kun. It is not…a tool…for self…preservation. It is not taken to spare someone else’s pain.”

Kazama’s sword had pointed in Hijikata’s direction and in that same moment when his heart had stopped, all he’d been capable of thinking about was Kondo. …Never meeting his eyes again or feeling the warmth of his embrace, never having the chance to say goodbye or establish closure… Hurting him, abandoning him, because Hijikata hadn’t been strong enough to see it all through.

“Then…” An exasperated laugh. “Then, you’re saying I should have just let myself die. Because now Chizuru…” Heisuke’s voice deteriorated. “Now Chizuru, she…”

…Because Hijikata had been on the cusp of defeat by the hands of a demon. An actual demon–something he, after all that time, simply hadn’t been able to say he was.And so the cap had fallen to the dirt and the bottle had met his lips.

“Perhaps.”

Hijikata closed his eyes and buried his face into Kondo’s scent.

Perhaps, indeed.

~

// End of part 1. Sorry for the break but this got WAYYY too long.

Part 2 >>

[mythomagically-delicious]

My dream last night was (for the majority) spent from the perspective of a high school student named Freely Harper, a African-American girl who'd recently been moved to live at a seaside town with her Grandma, attending the high school in town partway through the school year. She wasn't exactly thrilled about this, but she made the best of it.

There were a couple rude encounters the first day, but overall an okay place. She made friends with a girl from her French class quickly, a student named Andrea (she usuallt went by Andie, though).

Over the course of the next couple weeks she settled in, getting used to the energy of the town. There was one man, a real big shot who owned half the town and a lot of the major businesses in it, that practically owned everyone's good opinion. (He looked like Marcus from Twilight, for reference. Long hair and everything.) Freely did not like him, but she ignored it, not having much to do with Mr. Bigshot Bob Hatner.

She also made friends with a few others scattered among her classes, and the year progressed normally. That is, until one night there was some sort of accident. Freely had taken to wandering around town at night when she couldn't sleep. Sometimes by the piers, sometimes down main street near the railroad tracks that cut the town in half. One night there was some sort of accident and her and four other teens were caught in the blast of it.

The next couple days, they all came to realize they now had superpowers. Freely and Andie were both affected. As well as three young men. All high school students together.

(I have trouble remembering specific powers, except for Brandon's and Andie's, for some reason)

Brandon was a junior who, on the Freely's first day, had run into her in the hallway and made her drop her stuff. He was in a hurry and he'd barely apologized, let alone stop and help jer pick up. But since then she'd had no run ins with him besides passing periods and lunch.

The five all realized their powers and went back to the beach near where it had happened. They found each other and discovered they'd all been affected differently. One guy, who had sometimes sat at the same table as Freely and Andie at lunch, was there. He'd mostly kept to himself, though, and Freely only knew a bit about him. He was a solidly built fellow, though. He'd make a good football player. As well as one other guy.

They started showing their powers. Brandon took the lead. He could run super fast, but as he was running, he could stretch back further than humanly possible and grab hands with you, and you'd be able to follow him with the same speed. They tested to see how many links they could get in a hand holding chain before his power broke. They got all 5 of them, easy.

He looked like Silver as he ran, melting and flowing. He went by Silver Glow, saying they should all pick names to keep theirs a secret from others.

Andrea's power was some sort of strength. Mental strength, that is. It took longer to figure out, but she could fortify the minds and bodies of those around her (and herself) to do more than they could alone. It was like a sharing and multiplying of power. People took on a certain aura when she was lending them fortification. That's how she knew she was working.

The strong looking guy, he took the nickname of Fridge. I don't remember what his power exactly was, or of the other guy.

Freely's nickname was either Scout or Ranger, but I can't remember what her power was. I do remember them practicing their powers and laughing together. Once, running the empty streets past midnight, Silver Glow was running, the rest were bicycling, and Andrea was lending power so Silver could run fast and they'd mostly keep up. He reached back for the chain as a train was approaching. "Do you trust me?" He called back to them. Freely heard the whistle of the approaching train and looked back to Silver's face. It was distorted and blurry as he reached, and she smiled, holding one hand on the handlebars and the other to his hand, taking the feet off the pedals. The other boy (Luke? I wanna say it was Luke) called out, calling her crazy. Andrea reached forward for her shoulder and Fridge did the same, until Luke joined in too. Silver sped up and they made it across before the train did, skidding off to the sides after letting go and wrecking, laughing all the way.

It was a good time, learning their powers and growing closer as friends and a team. Brandon was the leader. Freely was the bravest. Andie had more than enough common sense to go around. Fridge watched their backs. Luke (I cant remember, sorry Luke).

They eventually took to trying to help people where they could with their powers. Nothing too obvious, they didnt want to attract the wrong kind of attention.

(Thinking on it now, either Luke or Freely had the power of concealment. They could cover and deceive people looking on, creating the illusion nothing was happening. No noise, no sound, nothing. Or that there was DEFINITELY something their. Something illusionary in nature. One of them had it.)

But despite their best efforts, they started to gain attention and traction within the town. Freely tried to keep a low radar, as did the others. But eventually someone found out who they were.

And sometime around then, the worst happened. Brandon "Silver Glow" died. His death had been made to look like an accident. But Freely and the others knew it was murder. Freely and the others investigated into it, and they discovered evidence that pointed to Bob Hatner, the man who ran the town. No one believed her when she pointed the finger at him. Especially since she was new, practically an outsider to the smallish town. Andie and Fridge and Luke all spoke up too, defending Freely's claim, but they were also ignored and silenced.

Freely wasn't going to let it go at that. She took off on her own and found concrete evidence that Mr. Hatner had done this. (For they didn't know, but he, too, had been in the range of a blast and gained powers too, but this blast had been 20 years ago. He'd been trying to recreate what happened to him and experience more power, but it misfired and affected those 5 instead of him. He had been keeping an eye out for who seemed different, and finally acted upon his conviction that at the very least, Brandon would some day be a threat to his power over the town. (Brandon was a very well liked, respected kid in town).)

Freely tried confronting his lackeys, she found the evidence she needed and was walking out. But some of the men followed her home under Hatner's orders to attack Freely and silence her about Brandon's murder. Her grandma (named Phyllis) witnessed one of the men in her home and pulled a kitchen chopping knife, defending her grandchild. Phyllis subdued both attackers and called the police.

The police came and finally listened to Freely's accusations, and eventually the men admitted their orders and guilt. The police came for Hatner and took everything away from him. Freely and the other three watched on as they did so. Hatner raged and tried lawyering his way out, but there was no budging for the townspeople, now that they knew the truth.

(Hatner's powers were somewhat about charm or persuasion, I think. But once the purple could see through their fear and his persona, he couldn't force it back on them. He was tried and sentenced to life imprisonment for his crimes)

Finally, after all that had passed, the 4 felt they were able to grieve for Brandon properly, knowing Hatner was put away and taken care of. Freely allowed herself to cry (that's where the gross sobbing came in-- in my dream it was after they'd subdued the bad guys and the police finally believed her. She felt she could mourn for her friend then, and my hour of gross dream sobbing happened then.)

The four kept on their legacy of fighting injustice in their city, working together and memoralizing Brandon the best way they could.

Freely didn't realize this right away, but after Brandon's death, things were... different. Her own powers morphed somewhat, as did the others'. Freely and the gang had somehow absorbed Brandon's former power, and it augmented the way their own powers worked.

It was tragic and horrific learning this. Freely felt like it was stealing, at first. But they eventually accepted it and got used to it. And they used it to do more for those in need, led by Freely all the way.

-

There was more that happened, but that's the rough outline.

[hotshotshitshow]

other other #1 asshole

i hate this drawing of her intensely i need to redraw it asap

Basic Information

Full Name: Basira Emere Redoul Nicknames/Aliases: The Psychopomp Titles: Age: idk but shes in her 30′s Gender: lady Orientation: polyamorous pansexual. prrrrobably somewhere on the grey ace spectrum. Species: human for the most part but she was originally a fantroll. also she is part ghost Birthday: november 21 Occupation: grief counselor/modern day psychopomp (she helps terminally ill patients come to terms with death and ready themselves spiritually for it) Powers: ability to pass between the world of the living and the spirit world at will, ability to turn her physical form into a ghost at will, ability to see and intereact with spirits while still in physical form, incredible physical strength Living Family: Sevara Redoul, Rizopa Redoul, Svinya Redoul, Elvita Redoul, Obyren Levine Hometown: Current Residence: the town of Last Chance

Physical Characteristics Height: 6′10 Hair: naturally black but she dies it lots of different colors, but its usually peacock green Eyes: dark blue (bloodcolor) Body Type: very tall and built like a fridge. Distinguishing Marks: she gots tattoos literally all over her body, but im still in the process of designing them. also has a slight underbite. Left or Right-Handed: right Quirks/Habits:

Medical Information Addictions: cigarettes Aids/Augmentations: poor eyesight. has glasses she wears on occasion Allergies: Conditions: Physical Abnormalities: she tall Blood Type: Mental Illnesses: Other Notes: None

Mental/Personality Attributes Known Languages: English Positive Traits: sweet, cares about everyone and their well being, maternal, generous, inclusive, tries to (appropriately) make light of situations, extremely patient and understanding, sort of a goof, very encouraging and probably thinks youre awesome Neutral Traits: acts a bit too familiar with some people that never met her before Negative Traits: Can be self-assured to a fault/a bit egotistical, doesn’t like being proved wrong, thinks she knows more about people than they do, nosy, can’t take criticism worth shit Optimist, Pessimist, or Realist: realist at heart but tries very hard to be an optimist Introvert or Extrovert: cusp i think Fears:

Likes/Dislikes General Likes: music in general, writing (songs n stuff), playing the upright bass, feeling like she did something Good, physical affection (SHE LOVES HUGS AND HOLDING PEOPLE), old timey cartoons, dancing, vintage cars General Dislikes: criticism, not being included, feeling inadequate (its hard to write about her dislikes because she tries really hard to see the grey area in most things slkdmfsdlk) Favorite… Animal: peacocks Color: Food: meat, especially barbecue Music Genre: LKSDMSKM ALL OF IT. but mostly psychobilly (are u seeing a trend here yet), swing, rockabilly, jazz, thrash metal, deathrock, classic rock, AND JSUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING OK SHE LOVES MUSIC. especially if she can dance to it and its really energetic Season: fall/spring

Relationships Best Friend(s): sev, vin Other Friends: Acquaintances: Significant Other(s): porsche, maude Rivals: Enemies: Pets:

Other/Trivia Meaning of Name: Religion: Astrological Zodiac: scorpio Chinese Zodiac: Celtic Zodiac: Element: MBTI Type: Hogwarts House:

oh my god it is my goal in life to hug her ok. she absolutely uses her size to her advantage and likes picking up the other person to hug them and hold them its like a dream ok. she is an incredibly affectionate person but has had to learn to reel it in and be more guarded otherwise sometimes people get the wrong idea.

people getting the wrong idea about how touchy feely she is paired with some of her therapy work she does means that even though she is a naturally very open and giving person, she has had to learn when to be more guarded and not open up to people so quickly.

she does not experience attraction often but can definitely recognize when someone is attractive. if she likes someone enough she will get super flirty and try to be suave and smooth and charming and it works for like the first three minutes but shes a huge dork so it gets goofy sorta quick

she has the patience of a saint and it takes an awful lot to rile her but the one thing that is absolutely off-limits for her is telling her shes not a good person or pointing out her flaws. she recognizes this is an issue and is trying to work on it but. it is extremely difficult for her. when angry, she gets very in your face and if pushed, there is a point where she will get physical.

SHE IS SO SENSITIVE OK YOU CANT WATCH MOVIE WITH HER BECAUSE SHE GETS SUPER INTO IT AND CRIES AT ANY VAGUELY SAD PART

as a psychopomp, she helps those who are near death prepare themselves for whatever comes after. once they have passed, she is always the one to meet them on the other side and offers more support and comfort in any way that she can. she also helps them figure out what will happen to their soul next, whether they go to whatever afterlife they believe in, whether they are reincarnated, whether they come back as a ghost, etc etc. she also helps them become reborn if they choose reincarnation and ready themselves for their new life.

most of her spiritual psychopomp duties happen in her sleep. spirit world time does not adhere to physical world time, so she could deal with anywhere from a handful of souls to thousands of souls in one nighttime. this is very emotionally and mentally draining, so waking up in the morning is a huge pain in the ass.

she is not the only psychopomp, she is one of many but she just works with one particular population

charahub page (there is a lot of info repeated here word-for-word but there are a few different things)

[severalbakuras]

ok so a bt van turned up today somehow (which is genuinely a shock bc usually it takes like. a week. for them to do that normally bc bt is shit tier) and fixed the fault afaik and suddenly my internet speed’s double now? i’m sure that’s going to drop soon like always but for now i’ll take advantage and watch two episodes!!!

apologies to mobile readers if readmores don’t work, it’s p. long.

episode 3:

ok keith stop and think. you have a tracker. you said so yourself. you can track him anywhere, anytime and you’re good until the ship pulls up at the space garage and someone spots the blinky light and says illegal space ship mods void the insurance (and zethrid finds the list of legal space ship mods and that’s how the lotor crew ship ends up with space steer horns and fire decals)

“flying the castle for half my life” so she flew it before the war then? or has there been some SERIOUS offscreen time compression since the start? in which case the paladins should’ve all aged too.

she’s so CONCERNED FOR HER BOSS. like they’re really stressing that this team genuinely cares for him and each other so like i can only assume they’re all going to die horribly and he’s going to be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  to prove what a #Bastard he is (or like all but one will bite it and the survivor will ally with the paladins somehow), or like zarkon will come back and say ‘kill them to prove your loyalty to the empire’ or whatever and he genuinely cares about them in return doesn’t and that’s when he sets off a galran civil war between galra traditionalists and the new lotor regime.

if yugioh has taught me anything it’s to never assume that your opponent is being stupid when they play a single card in attack mode and nothing else in their first turn it’s ALWAYS gonna be a trap.

yyyyeah this isn’t going well. i know why (and i also know that keith can do better (see the first episode where he p. much singlehandedly escapes from the science folks who captured shiro) and will do better) but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch.

“doesn’t live up the legend” lotor i swear to god.

hmm so nobody on the galra side of things knows that shiro is gone then? like i figure lotor would be able to access literally any info he wanted at this point on voltron so if they knew shiro was missing so would he. unless the galra literally did no opposition research at all on the paladins of voltron at all (which isn’t a surprise because zarkon is a moron). which another reason i think lotor maybe put himself out there as a target too soon?? like think about how much fucking damage he could do if he knew everything about them.

silent hill planet is eerie. oh god silent hill au would be scary

FORM A CIRCLE AROUND ALLURA SO SHE DOESN’T LOSE YOU

GOOD JOB HUNK GO GET HER

FINALLY fuck took long enough.

zethrid ♥

i wonder who gets to come up with the fantasy element names and what they do sounds like a fun job

god i am so ready for a hunk season. give me hunk’s backstory!!! give us more hunk!!! where he’s not just a fat joke!!!

oh fuck no allura vs lotor

oh god keith ;A;

i’ll give you this one, lance redeemed, gj getting him back on track and not letting him sink and especially for not deciding to take a potshot.

so i guess there’s no way to hack into the communication lines between the lions and the castle and even failed transmissions are undetectable by the galra ships own radar. good to know.

i cant believe she flirted with the blue lion

oh ffs i think i might be the blue lion. she doesn’t respond to allura until she’s open and honest about her vulnerabilities and that’s exactly how i am with lance.

oooh batbot i wonder if that’s a standard feature or blue exclusive

HAHA GET FUCKED LOTOR

“oh hunk” - 4

keith an onscreen apology to allura and the others would be Nice

no new animation for voltron either pfff.

so the galra don’t even have voltron’s energy signature on record as a ‘if you pick up this fucking RUN GO GO GO’... zarkon....

“I’M A LEG!” ALLURA YOU PRECIOUS DARLING

(voltron itself still looks so incredibly lame though i don’t think i’ll ever find it as cool as the show wants me to find it)

episode 4:

allura oh no that’s not a happy face.

OH NO CORAN

DON’T DO THIS TO THEM SHOW DON’T

stay away from that quintessence stuff i think it fucks with your mind

so voltron’s from a different universe?

WHAT DID WE LEARN LAST EPISO-oh thank god they’re going with her

no no NO DON’T LEAVE CORAN ALONE

ok they could be alteans. but they could also be xenomorphs, or predators, or deoxys or a hyper-intelligent mechanically augmented raptor and her babies or whatever fucked up the crew in event horizon.

god that’s eerie, same hunk

THAT’S A SKULL, THAT’S A DEAD BODY ON SCREEN

slav???

SHIRO??????

what in the heckle hackle

oh!! it’s an ‘all AUs are canon’ episode!!! i like those.

“stay back altean” uh oh i feel like this isn’t a nice AU.

those altean bots move an awful lot like galra bots.

empress????

so is empress allura dead? she talks like she is and i don’t think she’d sound so much like she’s mourning her death if they’d just never met in person. 10000 years ago is one hell of a legacy to still be remembered with such devotion and i don’t think the alteans are the type to live that long. like they’re probably space elves and long lived but they’re not immortal afaik.

how many pilots did you send lotor?

so voltron’s from this universe or - oh trans-reality. so the base ore technically doesn’t exist in any dimension it just floats around in netherspace until it feels like popping into a universe. cool. 

holy fuck they’re mindslaves.

“in allura’s day” so empress allura is definitely dead.

“they’re not slaves because they don’t have will. slaves are always trying to escape or revolt” hooooooooly shit

this episode is so fucking cruel to allura as interesting as the worldbuilding is i hate it.

guns of gamara? i think? neat.

like honestly my one comfort so far is that i don’t think the allura of this universe would’ve signed off on all this. i really don’t. i think her death catalyzed altean extremism performed in her name, but i don’t think she would’ve ever been okay with this. she’s fundamentally a good person.

hahahaha i want her to go head to head with azeroth’s old gods and the void lords bring the whole order vs chaos thing to a head. let’s see how far your desire for order and your slave machines can take you against yogg’saron (oh i can see the curse of flesh messing with those ‘noncog’ machines) or n’zoth.

i love slav have i mentioned that?

oooh a whip has she used that before or is it from her lion idk. i know that’s a traditional girl’s weapon but it’s nice to see her fighting hand to hand again.

SVEN NO

GET HIM TO SPACE ER

this episode is an existential nightmare tho another one of those comets could enter that reality or an even worse reality and they just might make their own voltron and then everything will go to shit and it could happen ANY TIME

IF YOU GUYS DON’T HUG CORAN WHEN YOU GET BACK.....

LOTOR YOU FUCK

it’ll be about as powerful as voltron until y’all learn something new about yourselves and then you’ll kick its ass don’t worry. it will probably always look cooler though.

[viralhottopics]

Snapchat rising: is Facebook-sized success the future for this youthful app?

The ephemeral app is set to go public, could be worth $25bn, and is seen as the only serious challenger to Facebooks audience. But can the ascent continue?

What is the value of Snapchat? The notoriously secretive parent company of the ephemeral messaging app is about to find out. Snap Inc has this week released paperwork designed to drum up interest in its initial public offering, scheduled for March, which some analysts say could value the company at between $20bn and $25bn making it one of the biggest technology offerings in recent years.

Snapchat was created in September 2011 as a selfie app that let users share pictures that deleted themselves once theyd been viewed. It quickly developed a reputation as a sexting app, although this wasnt representative of how the app was actually being used.

A lot of people misunderstood what it was about early on, thinking it was for sending naughty pics. But the value is that when you know stuff you share is not going to be part of a permanent online record, you can be a lot more casual, raw and honest, said Jan Dawson, founder of Jackdaw Research.

It doesnt have to be that perfectly framed selfie or the picture of your lunch that looks amazing. It can be the a picture of the new zit that popped out or the fact that you put on odd socks because it was dark.

The rawness was an appealing antidote to the highly curated environments of Facebook and Instagram.

I like Snapchat because its more chill [than Facebook], its not forever, said 14-year-old Lila, an active Snapchat user. You can post funny videos and stuff and I like that you can talk to people without having a conversation, you can just send them a picture.

Snapchat has since evolved its product offering, adding even more creative tools to enhance the camera and chat functionality, allowing 2.5bn Snaps to be created each day. Its also launched Snapchat Stories, where users collect Snaps together in chronological order. This allows individuals, brands and media companies to tell their stories to larger audiences, and its the key area for selling advertising.

The Stories section has allowed for social media stars to emerge on the platform, such as 27-year-old Cyrene Quiamco (username CyreneQ), who has more than 100,000 followers. Advertisers pay her between $10,000 and $30,000 to tell stories about their brands through a series of short videos.

Quiamco typically creates games and challenges, encouraging her followers to interact with and respond to her content.

My content is fun and lighthearted. I do a lot of games. So I ask people to take a screenshot of my videos, then ask them to draw on it or create stickers. Its fun, lighthearted and interactive, she said.

For example, she worked with Walmart to promote Black Friday by asking her followers to pick a present for her mother, whose birthday coincides with the annual shopping extravaganza. Her followers sent her their ideas, which she re-posted to her story channel, before she picked her favourite and gave the present to her mother.

She does around four such commercial deals each month, as well as speaking gigs and consulting that nets her around $500,000 per year.

I still cant believe all of this is happening, she said.

Despite it looking a bit like a media or messaging company, Snap describes itself as a camera company, something it reiterated in the IPO filing today.

In the way that the flashing cursor became the starting point for most products on desktop computers, we believe that the camera screen will be the starting point for most products on smartphones. This is because images created by smartphone cameras contain more context and richer information than other forms of input like text entered on a keyboard.

Snapchat CEO and co-founder Evan Spiegel says the company cares about not being creepy when it comes to advertising to its users. Photograph: Jae C. Hong/AP

Its impossible to talk about Snapchat without also talking about Facebook. Facebook tried to buy the messaging service for $3bn in 2013, but Snapchat turned the offer down.

Snapchat has been the only serious challenger that has threatened to take audiences away from Facebook, said Dawson.

Facebooks response was to build a clone called Slingshot, which didnt take off. The social networking giant has since been relentlessly and shamelessly experimenting with incorporating many of Snapchats popular features, such as ephemeral messages, photo-editing tools, face-altering filters and scannable personal barcodes. The scattergun approach appears to have finally taken off: with reports suggesting that the Facebook-owned Instagrams cloning of Snapchat Stories may have led to Snapchats user growth stalling.

Facebook has started to take a very experimental and incremental approach to try to counter Snapchat. Instagram Stories has been massively successful, said Dawson. Its sucked some of the air out of Snapchats sales over the last few months.

Even if Snapchat continues to grow, its got a long way to go before it would be anything other than a small thorn in the side of Facebook, which has 1.86bn monthly users and made $27.6bn in revenue in 2016. By comparison, Snapchat has more than 150m daily active users, generating more than $400m in revenue, and has yet to become profitable.

Snapchat is challenging Facebook and Instagram in terms of features, but certainly not in revenue, said Deborah Aho Williamson, principal analyst at eMarketer.

In order to thrive, Snapchat, whose users are mostly between 18 and35, will need to appeal to a broader user base (read: older) and address some core concerns within the product, such as building better measurement tools for advertisers.

They have an audience that is very attractive to advertisers, but lack any ability to measure how many people are seeing ads and whether their perceptions of the brand has changed. That needs to happen if Snapchat wants to win any mainstream advertising budget said Dawson.

However, the more data Snapchat tries to generate for advertisers, the more it will have to compromise user privacy.

Back in 2015, CEO Evan Spiegel said: I got an ad this morning for something I was thinking about buying yesterday, and its really annoying. We care about not being creepy. Thats something thats really important to us.

In the future, being creepy will have to be less of a concern if Snapchat is to please investors.

The company will also need to diversity its offering given Facebook and Google continue to dominate the ad market.

Snapchat has dipped its toes in the water with hardware through the creation of Spectacles, smart glasses that record and upload 10-second videos.

The staggered launch of the product through colourful vending machines dotted around the US, was a PR masterclass, with lines of Snapchatters waiting hours to buy a pair, and some reselling on eBay for thousands of dollars.

I tried to get Spectacles three times in LA, but then I happened to be in Vegas and was able to get them, said Goldstein. You can definitely tell its a first generation technology, but its a great storytelling tool.

Although Spectacles havent been a big money maker for Snap, they could signal a move into the much-hyped realm of augmented reality wearables, where it could insert digital content over images of the physical world as they are captured by smart glasses.

Snapchat has revolutionized communication for young people and Spectacles show its thinking creatively about new ways to communicate, said Williamson.

Whether that translates into Facebook-sized success remains to be seen.

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from Snapchat rising: is Facebook-sized success the future for this youthful app?