#what would it have been like u kno
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thinking abt wyll’s story before his total rewrite
#personal post#what would it have been like u kno#bc ea completely changed the way he was intro’d etc#idk i just have thinky thots abt this bc there was one moment in ea that i thought was pretty rad#when he was basically like ‘yeah i want to help the tieflings bc im the blade but mostly want to kill the guy that stole my eye’#and i think abt that convo often wrt hilaria lmfao#BUT i think when you actually find that goblin he taunted wyll about looking for some woman or smth#what could we have had man#orlesian noble lbs#i also wish that gale was still kind of mean#esp bc a lot of ppls first impression was ‘why is he immediately in love with my character’#which granted was a bug but still#also i was reading abt ea wyll on r*dd*t and someone was like ‘much like gale he used to be more arrogant’#and then i was like there was smth missing in hilaria/gale relationship that made it more appealing in ea and i think it was that
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RODBT therapist @ the group: Does anyone have any examples of situations that generated complex emotions?
Me: Well... recently, scintists identified the remains of James Fitzjames who died in the Franklin expedition for the Northwest Passage like 176 years ago... it made me feel a lot of things...
#also i need u to kno that i was wearing cat ears and had drawn a cat nose and whiskers on my face#bc our homework from last week was to engage in novel and silly behavior and i thought it would get me silly points#they had to try to figure out what compex emotions i was feeling and landed on: sadness and compassion#bc the news made me really uncomfortable. which is y i didnt rb any of the posts going around#bc something about knowing this person had been identified along with the idea that there was no one who actually knew him#to take comfort in having found him is so eerie and sad. and like of course there r ppl who kno him as a historical figure but thats not#really knowing someone. so its like celebrating for the echo of a person. and there's something sad and haunting about that#the existential horror of being only remembered by the physical effects you left on the world. by which i mean ur writing and the actions u#proformed in order to make other ppl think u were worth writing about for whatever reason#i dunno. i suppose it should b a happy thing but i guess it just makes me feel really sad. not in a bad way exactly.#just. i dunno. its weird and sad#unrelated#and then theres the additonal thing of ppl only knowing this historical figure thru the show
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Mecha-Sonic, Dr. Robotnik has created other robots based on Sonic and thrown them away before he created you. Do you have any thoughts on this?
#mecha sonic#anon i love ur moxie i think asks that directly challenge the character are some of the best out there#however this guy is not getting any character development without an ego and also literal death.#which we know is exactly what his future holds :^) so thats why im set on making him Like This here. enjoy the pride before the fall#but if you want some seeds of doubt... perhaps there shall be some in the knuckles ask. whenever that happens ahahahaaa#i gotta go through all these again and figure out what order i wanna do 'em in its been a month since i looked at my askbox ugghhh#theres not really any more... small easy ones i can just bang out left. most of the rest of these are gonna be a whole big Production#anyway u kno sometimes i really gotta wrestle with 'do i give the Funny answer or do i give the in-character answer'#the latter usually wins out as it did here but the funny answer would have just said ''im built different''#which it does still essentially say that just. yknow. with like 500% more words because he is a pretentious asshat#msab#sonicposting#off-art
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reblog to slap her bald head
#my art#my ocs#imach quality MIGHT be ass🔥 but whatevs#her weapon is a jjk refrance btw .. if anyone even cares …#toji’s epic sword thing that he used to [REDACTED] gojo is called the inverted spear of heaven :]#it nullifies cursed techniques yay so that’s why Adonai’s sword does the same 👍 but with just .. extra powers(tm)#like classpect powers u kno.. basically u would only have ur physical strength n shit left. all weapons you wield also loose their effect#if ur super weak then it’ll last one minute ! then up to six depending on how strong u are#it can also be re-inflicted as many times as they deem necessary#umm what other Adonai facts do I have#ouhg yes they like wing flight better than god tier flight cos their extra wings help them do CRAYZEE aerial moves😎#think of how a cheeta’s tail helps it make really sharp turns n stuff. like dat#I calculated his height based off how tall Mary is haha she’s 6’1 and I have a rlly old height comparison picture of them#her and Mary are moirails btw :D or at least they were until .. the incident#😁😁😁#they’ve always been a dersie (LAAAAAMEE!!!) since I created them but I was thinking of like how sollux dual dreams 🤨 liek#they r a little different since . it’s just one fucked up guy and idk how it would work LMAOOOO but . I decided. it doesn’t matter#like. At all. since the dreamself died LOOOONGGG before canon#Adonai might b my most well thought out oc tbh#I could yap forever abt him ok enough yapping. my head hurt
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imagine being the oldest out of the party and you're the only one being normal and an individual and everyone else is calling you immature and making fun of you for wanting to do the things that you all had been doing for literally all of your lives up until a couple months ago because it's suddenly ~cHiLdIsH~ now to want to have fun. and somehow you're the one that needs to grow up and be mature even though your friends aren't respecting their exes' wishes like you are and keep doing the most idiotic things to get them back instead of just apologizing or talking it out with them like any normal "mature" person would do. will is a better person than me because i would've beat them all with my wizard staff (a cool stick i found in the woods)
#no i wouldn't have bc they are my friends. and i love them. and they love me even if they aren't showing it very well rn. but like.........#they need 2 invent a specific form of ptsd for all gay ppl tht went thru what will did in s3 and had to relive it while watching and also#put the gay ppl in the writing room for tht season in prison for life.#hasn't will been through enough.............................. why would they do tht to my boy....#(i kno why [gay experience + he IS stranger things n its message] but it hurted so bad .... . . .)#mine#also yes this is dustin erasure. im so sorry dustin but u guys get wht i mean.
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth
#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging#otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally#like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid#i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad#which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake#i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken#& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror#but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard#but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien#i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it#it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt#like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand#why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA#i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared#esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed#i honestly want to though#there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning#get my maintenance done LMAO#i do my best at home but u kno#i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is#but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health#apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. 👍:).. ..h.
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more than a month after my previous kotor update i am happy to announce that i have finally met jolee and had him join me <3
#el plays kotor#yes im still on kashyyyk dont look at me#i was distracted by other games for a sec lmao but sth made me return to kotor yesterday#and now the party is complete!!!#and i have found 3 star maps and the plot is thickening!!!!#i keep wondering. if i hadn't been spoiled abt the pc's true identity would i have pieced it together by now#bc the foreshadowing isn't exactly subtle#or maybe it just feels unsubtle to me precisely because i know what is being foreshadowed....#but like. from the very beginning carth is like hmm its kinda sus that you happened to be on the endar spire#and then all those conversations with bastila that make u go hmmmm what's that supposed to mean#and then... when getting the star map on kashyyyk the hologram says sth abt you matching the required behavioral patterns or whatev#and that the last time it was used was five years ago And you can reply with 'hey revan was in these parts five years ago right'#like!!! yeah!!!! it was me!!!! i was the last user five years ago thats why i match the pattern i am revannnnnnnn#i have to know. did the first kotor players back in 2003 figure it out by this point hngngngnhng#or like any other players after 2003 who played and managed to avoid spoilers#anyway back to jolee. he is so cool but also so squishy on god#apparently some ppl give him a blaster to keep him out of melee but like you cant give a blaster to a jedi..... so uncivilized.......#i set him to use force powers until he runs out of force points#but the moment he runs out of force points and jumps into the fray he goes down. sigh#maybe im doing something wrong again. maybe i should let go of my jedi pride and just give him a blaster#i should also probably use all those energy shields and battle stimulants i have hoarded. i keep forgetting abt them lmao#also!!! @ the mutual who sent me that kotor related ask also more than a month ago i just wanted to let u kno. i have replied to it#i mean if u missed it or if u didnt get a notif or forgot or anything else that's cool !!#i just get all worried that ppl might think i havent answered and that im ignoring them if they dont indicate they've seen the reply gfhgfh#but that's a me issue. i just wanted to make sure u knew 🫶#anyway!! next stop manaan maybe#but first a detour to tatooine to deal with mission's useless deadbeat brother
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#im in so much fuckin pain i cant move ugh#like. typing this is excruciating#but i cant just stare at the wall or im gonna lose it eventually ugh#my pain is getring progressively worse these days and the last 2 months have been hell#doctors r worried this might be my new normal for the time being#which. uh#SUCKS#bc i cannot stand or walk for more than 5 mins#and i need a walker w me bc my cane isnt enough#and most days i am trapped in bed (or on the couch if i can make it there) unable to take care of myself#bc everything hurts and i feel like i'm being tortured#oh and my lordosis & the related pain is now at a level that might need serious medical intervention#my migraines r out of control#my joint problems r also way worse#and u kno what ? i would like to die now#thanks#truly and genuinely#im so done#i cant keep going this way#my doctor has no idea what to do#and the pain clinic im a patient of refuses to help further unless i sign up for their ridiculous pain education program#which is 8 weeks long with mandatory in-person weekly attendance (i do not live near it & cant afford transportation)#where they tell u all the ways ur pain is ur own fault and give u unrealistic and ridiculous advice abt exercise and lifestyle changes#that u Cannot do bc of said disabilites and pain#jfc#our healthcare system is broken and nobody cares if i live or die or suffer#AND im stuck dealing w my mother complaining abt my existence nonstop bc she resents me for the things i cannot do independently#so u kno what ya i am done. im so done. i give up#catch me rotting in this bed forever until i die. thats the only option being given to me
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billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability
actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]
#this is at least half humorous in several ways lmao but also like fr...#winston billions#will roland has pretty much said he is aware that autistic people real. and not [ppl's utterly off the walls assumptions abt what Defines#Autism or what an Autistic Person is like and how you would Know]#i don't think that Billions(tm) would be very much better at that than re: say; taylor's being nonbinary (surprisingly alright yet. u kno)#quant kid 2 could've been anyone but writing Winston is like so certainly the common deal of the inadvertently autistic character#drawing from all the autistic people allistic ppl encounter all thee time without being aware & deciding they're annoying / jerks / too#weird to live too pathetic to die / grating nerds / Funnily Odd in a way you deign to merely raise an eyebrow or scrunch your face at....#so on so forth. ''oh you know Those People we all know who are just Like That''#and deciding they must be ''just like that'' b/c they're either too arrogantly rude &/or clueless / Unaware to be neurotypically superior#also do not get me wrong lmao big old proponent of Did You Know That? Actors Act. Now You Know#so of course yes will's acting is off the shits i mean here i am am i right. and he is using it when he is acting.#the acting talent Is off the shits. the tiniest moments they give him & he CRUSHES KILLS it really is amazing i'm not waving it off at all#cue twitter randos so betrayed when kelly aucoin is not dollar bill & is like ''yes in my acting job i'm playing this fuckin asshole''#meanwhile i'm still following the interviewer who a) asked will anything abt billions b) talked abt the immediate striking intro of will's#as quant kid 2 And the immediate draw of / effervescent dynamic between winston & taylor. Someone Who Gets It#anyway it's like will can fathom that actually the people who are Always ''acting wrong'' w/their bad grating vibes no matter what they do#are not always Those People(tm) who We all know & loathe right....thee magic of knowing winston can be someone fully earnest#and of course always actually trying; & having perfectly comprehensible wants & needs. damn how's he doing that#bringing a certain je ne sais quoi to this Insufferable Loser Nerd material! so we don't mess with the process.#i.e. we will only ever let his role get dunked on forever b/c sure can't fathom anything else anyways. our Correct characters could never..#only tuk; adjacent in wrong nerd loserdom; can be his friend. rian who is correct but zany with it can be his abusive friend
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honestly i think lee pace is the only one who could pull off brother day
#tall hot just like. Weird in a way that makes u wanna flirt with him u kno#foundation#anyway choo choo i joined the train#would have never been able to predict what this show was about based on the two characters i see on my dash
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#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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just had the worst time at graduation dinner w my family and my roommate’s family :/
#nothing to do w my roommate and her family rly like they were lovely#but like#this is the first time our families are meeting after us having been friends for all of uni#bc we’re both from out of state#and like#i know my parents esp my dad can sometimes be a bit tactless during social situations#which like fine fair enough i get it it be like that sometimes#and ik it’s not on purpose or w any ill will#but like so i kinda gave them a heads up beforehand like hey just so u kno#rmr not to do/say xyz#anyways in short#they committed enough social etiquette faux pas and one huge one that just left me feeling so embarrassed#and like what’s worse is i was already worried smth like this would happen which is why i gave them a heads up and reminder#and yet while it was in the midst of happening they didn’t listen to my hints to like Fucking Stop and kept going making it worse#and like my roommate’s parents were very gracious and acted like nothing happened but i know they noticed#and it all just left me feeling so embarrassed and sad that this is what came out of a dinner between our two families#who are finally meeting after 5 years#and like afterwards my parents realized they were wrong and apologized to me#for doing all that and not listening to me#but it just sucks so bad it even happened#it was so frustrating#like my younger brother put it#it was like i was watching all my anxieties abt what could go wrong unfold in front of me#and go wrong in even worse ways than i anticipated#and it all could’ve been prevented if they listened to me#很丟臉很沒有場面:/#it’s 1:15am and i need to sleep#bc i need to be up at 7:45 to get ready for the actual ceremony tmr morning#gn 晚安 and ty for reading my vent <3#ennuitxt
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I didn't rly wanna post this to my art blog since its just. a compilation of older art and comparisons (done pretty quickly on paint jasdhkfj) but! been thinking abt how far my ocs designs have come and wanted to see them all lined up.
ive been considering upgraded forms or ones that might fit tmm new better, even tho I really dont have plans to add any story/plot details from tmmn to the tm2 story since its based so heavily on the first anime TwT (unless something super different happens in tmmn s2 that is waaay different and I like more...? idk)
originally mira had two school friends, one who bears STRIKING resemblance to cara (with the blonde blunt haircut, but one side dyed..orange?) but she got scrapped and yue-bing added later to fill that role. several characters personalities (esp miras) have done a 180, too!! very funny how much changes ...I wonder how these characters will change in the future? :-)
#these are their 'main magical girl fits' kind...of...#not touching on the wardobes i made for them or like. um. the fact i dont think queen would wear the same dress twice ngl#anyway its insane i didnt design queen until 2016 at least not digitally#a lot of the og notebook doodles have been lost :( but...i actually think those mightve been the first drawings of HER at least#shes! one of the big main antagonists! what do u mean u didnt make her until 2 years after making the protags*! ????#my art#sanchoyorambles#tmm#tm2#tokyo miracle#i am not tagging all the ocs god bless tho#ohh design changes. the funniest one to me is aquas vest thing#i didnt rly like drawing it but SEVERAL of my friends were like NOO HER VEST!!! LMAO I DIDNT KNO PPL LIKED IT SO MUCH#i personally like her w/out it!! but!! there were mourners#also cara completely changing colors!!#she was always starfruit which is YELLOWISHGREEN WHY DID I DESIGN HER COSTUME SOO RED#i know why actually it was bsed on the colors of her ANIMAL not her fruit. dumb choice tho#bc ...if that was the case she shouldve been a redhead in mew form!#for cohesiveness!!!#ive learned a lot abt character design.
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on the first day of september i encountered a ghost in my home is this an omen
#im being v fr#my parents' room door has become difficult to open since a few mos ago now it takes a lot of jiggling and turning the knob#so basically u know when someone is trying to enter or leave and it's right next to my room right and i can hear everything#so i get up early to use the bathroom and as i'm getting into the hallway i hear their door handle being struggled w#so im like oh i guess ma's gotta go to the bathroom too#so it stops and i wait a second so i can know which bath she's gonna go to so i can go to the other one#but the door stays closed and no one comes out#so im like oh she must be going b a c k even tho i would definitely have heard her walking back to her room before then if that was the cas#so i go in and check on her jic bcus if she's awake she wouldn't have even gotten settled back in bed by the time i opened the door#and what's this ? the woman is snoring facing away from me deep sleep cozy in bed like she's been there for hours#so im just like wtf and ziggy's perked up in his bed like he would be if he were ready to get up and greet her#and im like. im too tired for this so i do my biz and go back to bed#bcus what am i gonna do abt some freak ghost trying to open doors at 7am who does that u kno#it's the most innocuous shit
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#been watching the newest season of love is blind#bc ya girl loves a corny reality show u kno#and then listening reviews/reading the subreddit like an idiot#and the amount of grace ppl give shitlords like izzy and uche baffles the mind#izzy rejecting johnnie after he begged for vulnerability and she opened up about her difficult/complex love history is like#peak male behavior it's giving men are more likely to leave their wives with cancer than vice versa or w/e#and the way uche verbally berates aaliyah like he's so mean to her#and the internet is so mean to her bc tell me why#even when ppl agree uche is trash they still blame her for ~allowing it~#u know if she was a white woman the internet would be in tears with her#she's just a lady with an open heart who doesn't seem able to advocate for herself in those conflicts the way she should#and she shouldn't be judged for that like how many of us have toxic relationships of sorts#bc ur so stuck in the situation you can't see the toxicity for what it is#girl came ready for love and was thrown a whole shitbag situation with the uche/lydia thing#anyone would be emotional and confused in those circumstances#this an aaliyah defense squad acc i feel so bad for her#all she's done is react to a confusing situation / get yelled at abt it by the guy she likes#then yelled at again by the internet for Not Leaving Immediately#i have a million other thoughts on it but that's my biggest gripe#justice for aaliyah!!!
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