#what was that post i saw the other day about dan and phil being the beatles of our time

[ratanarchist]

i was waffling to my friend about the beatles and how i’m waiting for the culture to recognise the intensely homoerotic nature of the lennon-mccartney relationship and he just said "so you're waiting for them to have their dan and phil moment"

[freckliedan]

could you expand on your thoughts why you think dan and phil havent always been monogamous? super curious! i kind of get the same vibe.

i'm happy to expand on it tbh! it's something i think and talk a lot about with my friends.

i'm hesitant about going in depth because i've found that's when people find it okay to say deeply shitty things to me, a polyamorous person, under the guise of academic debate/it just being a difference of opinion. but i'm also not going to let the possibility of that stop me?

ANYWAYS.

quite honestly the biggest thing for me is just. taking dan and phil at their word? even when parsing something true through them saying things in silly ways that's the easiest way to be right about them.

we noticed and believed in the underlying truth in their gay jokes before they were out. people are willing to entertain the bondage and mpreg and various other horny jokes as containing some kernel of truth. more people than literally any point in time are willing to believe there's some substance to dan's career-long mentions of gender.

but for whatever reason (mononormativity) the comments about them being attracted to/flirting with/being interested in other people get written off as 100% joking and funny because they're the most monogamous people ever & because they get jealous easily. and that just? sucks.

i think they've always been committed. like, phil brought dan home to meet his parents at their very first christmas together type committed. planning to spend the rest of their lives together from 3 months into the relationship committed.

but also like? that coexists with the fact that dan wasn't able to come out to himself as gay until the lead up to basically i'm gay. 2018 or maybe 2017, i think. @freckliephil or @phulge has brought up the idea to me before that part of why they didn't label their relationship to us in 2019 may have been because they were still in flux with labeling it for themselves.

dan has also always had commitment issues due to how he saw his parents' relationship function/due to his home life growing up and i'm NOT going to elaborate on this one but it is so obvious.

(consider this whole post informed by conversations with aries and roper btw).

i think the idea that dan and phil were secure in their connection but not in a place where they had to (or could, on dan's part) ascribe labels to it in the early years is realistic?

and i think their commitment and security can coexist with the idea of like. "i think it's hot seeing you kiss other people for attention at parties and come home with me". + i genuinely think the fantastic foursome explored each other's bodies on the italy trip. etc.

i definitely think there would've been huge stretches of monogamy, and i do think that there was jealousy before they found their footing and felt comfortable in their commitment. (different rant, but i think most of what gets read as jealousy these days is them dong a bit/possessiveness).

but i think there's also always been points in time where they were either theoretically or in practice fine with having sexual experiences with other people. that wouldn't've really been possible during their deep closet era, and i don't think it was COMMON beforehand.

but i also think that it's definitely something possible after they came out.

i think people hear me say this and assume i'm degrading the incredible and beautiful love and commitment dan and phil share. that i'm reducing queer men's relationships down to sex only.

but like. i'm not fucking doing that! the people making those assumptions are doing that! and saying a lot about how they view non monogamy too!

i'm saying i think they're so secure in their love and relationship that they're literally completely unbothered and not threatened by potentially having an open relationship. devotion is not only present in monogamous relationships.

WAD makes sense as a point of post coming out timing for another open period in their relationship to me. quite honestly i could see phil being the one to suggest it to dan? 2019 thru the close of WAD was dan's self actualization era.

growing up in the context of a single committed relationship does things to you psychologically. your identity formation happens side by side with another person and even if the relationship isn't controlling and toxic you can really lose sight of your individuality, if you're not careful. this is even easier to have happen if you share all of your friends, live together, AND work together. ESPECIALLY if you're significantly closeted in some way.

i know this because i've also lived it. believe me when i say dan NEEDED to figure out who he was as an individual. we saw him do that in several iterations artistically/careerwise. but we also saw his interest in experiencing queer culture in ways he missed out on when he was young and closeted.

so i think dan actually WAS on the apps, when he was touring WAD. i wouldn't be surprised if that was phil's idea, even. a "don't worry, go see the world, we've been open before, i'm not worried you won't want to come home to me, nobody's gonna match your freak like i do". i think phil would've had the option too but probably would've taken it less.

and i think it's like. like they're best friends! it's something they would've been talking about with each other. i think it could've been foreplay to them sometimes. i think it could've been what catapaulted dan into his top era. (this is a seperate essay from drs. frecklie, frecklie and phulge as well).

most importantly we think dan came back from the first leg of WAD having completely exorcised his fear of commitment and. wait i have to find a specific message. nevermind you're getting 3 screenshots without any further context

anyways. i can't find the specific point where we said this so it was maybe an in person conversation but the rest of the idea is that experiencing other options resulted in dan coming back from WAD and proposing. and phil proposing the gaming channel return right back. we 1000% said this before phil mentioned that he's the one who suggested the gaming channel return i just can NOT fucking find receipts on that because we largely voice message.

this has been an entire ramble that touched on a lot of different subjects but. yeah. dan and phil aren't polyamorous in the "both dating another person as a couple/other people as individuals" sense nor will they ever be. but there's sooo much room between that and strict monogamy.

and a lot of that in between is in perfect alignment with the ways they've talked about their lives over the years and is yet another extension of them having a level of trust love and intimacy in their relationship that most people will never experience. so

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[james-a-b]

the TATINOF experience

ok so. i've wanted to make a post about this for a While now; i feel like a lot of people don't really understand or appreciate how unprecedented TATINOF really was, and for me, watching it in Seattle in 2016, it was the best day of my life.

So here we go.

(I've put the rest below a readmore bc this is an 18 paragraph post lmao)

On March 26th, 2015, Dan and Phil revealed TABINOF via a trailer set in the distant future. The book itself was not entirely unprecedented- other youtubers had written and were writing books, but for the most part (at the time) these were either fictional works or serious biographies; TABINOF was a time capsule of Dan and Phil's youtube brand, and a glimpse into parts of their lives we hadn't seen yet. (For example; Phil's hamster breeding adventures) But tucked into the pages of the book in the trailer were a pair of tickets to The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire. This was insane. No youtuber had ever gone on tour before, save perhaps for a few musicians; no one had done a stage show. No one knew what to expect.

And, as they asked the audience of each show not to share spoilers, most of us went on not knowing what to expect until we'd seen it ourselves.

I saw the show on June 18th, 2016, near the end of the US leg of the tour. I went in knowing three things:

There were set ways in which we the audience could participate: there was Crafty Corner, Weird Kid, Phone Support Hotline, and a 7 Second Challenge submission box. (I submitted art to Crafty Corner, and I was thrilled just knowing they'd see it)

The set was a giant microwave. What this meant, I could not imagine.

Everyone who'd already seen the show said it was incredible.

I remember having had a dream that I was at the show like a week before it actually happened, and I woke up just as the show was about to start in the dream because my brain couldn't come up with anything they might do onstage lmao.

I can't even begin to put into words how incredible the atmosphere was before the show even started. Phannies were lined up for two blocks outside the theatre, and I'd never felt so welcome anywhere in my life. The doors opened. I believe Cornelia was working the merch stand pre-show, though I don't remember for sure- I got a signed copy of TABINOF and then I took my seat.

The set was incredible, and the pre-show playlist was amazing. Everyone sang along to every song, and when Troye Sivan's Wild came on, everyone screamed. Seriously, if you've never looked at the pre-show playlist for TATINOF you should. Finally, All Star by Smash Mouth played. Everyone was singing along, and laughing because of course Dan put that in there, and then, halfway through the song, the music stops and the lights go out. Everyone screamed, and the opening sequence began to play on the microwave. I understand why they opted to edit that directly into the beginning of the recording, because it would've been a little difficult to see in the recording otherwise, but at the same time it hit so much better when it played directly on the microwave.

And then they came out on stage, and they were so much more awkward than I expected. Dan kept squatting slightly, like he was trying to be shorter, and Phil moved almost like a marionette. They said their hellos, and then they addressed the microwave being there, and the plot started to become apparent- Phil had microwaved his laptop.

I'm not going to get into too much detail on every bit of the show, because I've already written about eight paragraphs and I could write about twenty more going play-by-play through every aspect of the show, but that's not the point of this essay, so I'll attempt to keep things at least a little shorter than that.

The first truly unprecedented thing was when Dan said they were "having a bit of a domestic" when Phil said he couldn't get off the lion. This was the very first time they'd come anywhere near addressing the elephant in the room (their relationship) publicly since the V-day vid. Obviously, compared to the things they've said in 2024 (we've never fucked on youtube, etcetera), "we're having a bit of a domestic" is incredibly tame, but this was huge. Everyone screamed.

And then, shortly after, Phil started singing, and everyone screamed much louder. They did little songs all the time in baking videos or while playing the sims, but this was different. This was on stage, with a spotlight and everything. It was not a surprise to me when Dan cut Phil off; I thought the song was for sure a joke, that there was no way they'd come back to it (spoiler alert, they did).

And then there was the 7 Second Challenge bit, and Reasons Why Phil Was A Weird Kid, and Uncle Dan's Phone Support Hotline, and the PINOF 75 bit. And it was all weird and crazy and amazing. But the next thing I really want to focus on is Fanfiction Live.

Fanfiction Live was... absolutely insane. My show chose cowboys on the moon, and the script they wrote for it was.... so undeniably gay? Like. "Should Phil draw Dan like a French girl"? Are you kidding? This really happened???? They wrote this in 2015. Four years before they came out. This was so far beyond unprecedented. This was unthinkable.

And then, immediately following this insanity, they began Smashing Plates and then they were like "IT'S DIL" and by this point i was hoarse from screaming but when I tell you I screamed...

And then Dil said all those things about Dan feeling like nothing he did was worth anything, but that it meant a lot to Dil and to the audience, and that Phil felt like he had to change who he was to please others but that we appreciated him for who he is... I melted. It was a moment of such genuine honesty, and they'd saved my life, and I loved them so, so much.

And then Phil started singing again, and Dan didn't stop him, and Dan started singing too, and the song was so them, ironic yet genuine, and I was out of my mind because I couldn't believe they were Singing On Stage like that, like, they were youtubers. Not professional singers. No one asked or expected them to go that far. But they did it.

it was the best day of my life.

[yonpote]

as someone who wasnt here at the time (was a fan from about 2011-2013) what exactly defines the "softlaunch era" pre-coming out that i hear you and others refer to?

you've come to the right place cuz this is the era when i truly became a Phannie... "gay softlaunch" is generally considered 2017-18, but to be more specific it was october 31, 2016-june 13, 2019!

before they came out this was also referred to as "post-baking universe" referencing the halloween 2016 monster pops video that had an (at the time) abnormal amount of raunchy humor and just general derangedness. nothing like it is today, but that point felt very significant and dan even brought it up in liveshows like yeah idk what happened there and when phil called a peach an ass in a gaming video dan said "we live in a post-baking universe" (i believe fans coined the term tho).

people have also called it the "glass closet era" which is a divisive name for a lot of people cuz "glass closet" can be seen as kind of a mean term and it implies like, stereotyping or speculating or the "we been knew" behavior dan had talked about in BIG. which i understand that feeling, but i don't think that's what was happening, because the way i see it was queer flagging. ways they could show a little bit who they really were without saying it just yet. they weren't Out out, but they were just like. openly talking about attraction to men and finding men hot and not calling it a Man Crush or anything. dan would bring up queerness more often in liveshows, which hes mentioned queer artists and stuff before but now it was also making jokes about like.. being in a gas leak man porn fantasy in his first livestream of 2017 LMAO. phil would make a lot more innuendos, which hes always done, but now he wasnt pretending like he didnt know what he was saying. dan started wearing a single hoop earring on his right ear. this is an old school form of queer flagging, in The Olden Days (im too lazy to look up when but like my 70-something year old history teacher knew about this) if a man had an earring on his left ear, he's straight, and if he had one on his right, he's gay. that one's pretty subtle if you don't know much about queer history and there were Great Debates over whether or not we should take it to mean he is gay, but personally i saw it as like. he was letting us know without needing to say the G word out loud just yet!

i think a really important part of this era was even outside of directly discussing queerness, they were both trying to become more authentic online and figuring out how to do that without compromising their own privacy. dan stopped straightening his hair and rebranded and opened up about his mental health. phil's authenticity journey seemed a bit slower and wasn't as overt or seemingly drastic as dan's was, but it was happening! he changed up his hair!!! which yes its kinda silly to talk abt dnp's hair but the emo fringe was Their Brand. phil in particular said that, the emo fringe was a comfort place but he was feeling like he was trapped in having it forever because it was Who He Was, so it was a huge deal for him! he opened up a little bit about his physical health, both of them were a bit more honest about all the stress and anxiety they were dealing with (the mukbang is a pretty good video where they talk about that and an interesting one to watch in retrospect) and their whole 2018 tour was themed around whether they should Give The People What They Want or do what they wanted to do.

god i talk too much ANYWAY then dan disappeared in 2019 and phil was manning the helm for a good five and a half months and then the Big Gay hit! the Hard Launch Era if you will :) and now i would say 2023-present is the Unhinged Era so i have no clue what the hell their next move is gonna be...

[everything-is-as-it-was]

Jems found in an old Phil video

So I watched "My mum is a lobster" because I'm going through all of his videos chronologically, right, and I was like- you know what? I'm going to scroll down the comments. There's over 2,000, which isn't as much as others so why the hell not?

And GUYS. The way I could literally see the internet changing from 2024 to 2008 was FASCINATING. Genuinely the coolest thing I've seen all week. The content of the comments was one thing: from people commenting about how young Phil is, how this was just under a year from when he met Dan, to people in 2016 going on about... whatever they were talking about in 2016 yk

But then when you get down to the bottom do you see the real good stuff. There's no replies, since Youtube was structured differently I guess, and a lot of the comments don't make sense I think because they were replying to other comments- but I digress.

The use of :D, lolz, the two carats (^^), the xD, the :S, all relics at this point tbh. Obv some people use them still but see their abundance!

See here again - allll the ellipses, much more than we usually see today, =D, ;[ - man ppl were way more creative back then huh

Just the way people spoke on the internet - obviosuly, again, I'm making generalizations. There are still people who speak like this, of course. But the "random xD" comments really hitting full force

Just laughing here at the last comment concerned about Phil's inbox being bombarded... if only they knew a couple years later lmao

@vampirechibiofreno wanted to be a surgeon mouse for Halloween in '09 I wonder if they ever did

I saw a lot more of people just sharing little inconsequential things about their lives here, too. Seems like in YT comments these days ppl are vying for the funniest comment, whereas people here didn't give af they just wanted Phil to know they had the same shirt

I can just imagine young Phil reading the first post and it motivating him, idk. Just the fact that back then people still said "wow, you're funny, keep it up!" Whereas if someone said that now we'd all be like "uh, we been knew? Where ya been?"

Just some more examples of comments with very '08 energy to them lmao they make me smile

And HERE are some Phil comments!

Again, I'm sure he's responding to people here but since YT has changed so much the original posts were jumbled around. It was so weird to see a comment of his with only one or two likes- felt like I found a rare penny or something lmao

Anywho SORRY for the long post! I just thought this was all absolutely fascinating :)

[danandphilchronology]

What the heck am I doing?

Hello Internet! (I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself)

I have decided to embark on an adventure, a deep dive through the history that is the existence and influence or Philip Lester and Daniel Howell on the internet. I am sure that this will fill me with cringe and the upmost appreciation for my favorite internet lads.

You may be asking yourself, Why?.

Thank you for asking, let me tell you.

I can remember exactly where I was when I saw my very first video with Dan and Phil. I was in middle school and I was laughing myself to tears while watching innuendo bingo in 2012. From that moment on, I followed them both nearly religiously. Doing my best not to miss a livestream, be in the first 301 to see their new uploads, amongst other intense parasocial obligations I had placed on myself. That was until I graduated High School and started college.

College was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was constantly under pressure to perform well in classes AND I was determined to be the most involved student. I was very lucky to have a few really close friends to keep me sane, but I stopped doing things that I enjoyed and forced myself to stretch myself thinner than a cheesecloth.

Flash forward to now with the resurgence of Dan and Phil games and the remarkable experience of being able to reenter a fandom feeling like you never left. However, there are some major gaps I have found being on dnptwt and I want to fill in those gaps and revisit the many things that these chaotic gays have given us over their over 14+ year careers on youtube.

I was on twitter the other day and someone shared a playlist of all of Dan and Phil's videos in chronological order and I have not been able to stop thinking about sitting down and going from where it all started and getting to see the amazing and proud men they are today.

So, now you are asking, and the intellectuals I know that you are, What is the point of this blog? You inquisitive lad, let me tell you. My friends, while the know of Dip and Pip, have no interest in doing this deep dive with me. So, I came to the one place on the internet where deep diving into a topic that I have become (and will continue to be, lets be honest) hyper fixated on, it not only allowed, but often encouraged.

No one is required to care about what I say, but I can say it and someone somewhere might think the same thing! Or someone who is new to the whole fandom may find it and find my anecdotal mumbling to be interesting and helpful! Who knows!

Anyway, you have found this blog, you have read this far and I still haven't lost you? I'm going to assume you are a slowburn fic consumer and I think you'll appreciate my approach.

What do you have to look forward too?

The goal is a video a day. The early videos are much shorter, so I wouldn't be surprised if, at least for a while, I do quite a few in a single sitting. Each video will get its own post where I highlight my favorite (and least favorite bits). I may also highlight some things that were going on during that time and mark each video some current event. The best thing is that I get to decided as I'm going, but I promise I will do my best to make it equal parts entertaining and informative.

Thank you for making it this far! I hope that I don't disappoint you <3

[dnpbeats]

Hey how are you?

I saw your post on that insane take that the boys have never had a sexual relationship and as a post hiatus phannie wondered if you could please give some background as to them definitely being together from when they met up to working at the bbc. I find their story fascinating

Have a great day x

hi! hope you are doing well :) we know from basically I’m gay (BIG). first dan says that he and phil were “obviously more than friends” but it was “more than just romantic” (i.e. there was a romantic element too). this is in reference to when they first met, so sometimes people will take his phrasing/usage of past tense to mean that they were only together in the very early years (like 2009/2010) and then split up. however around 26 minutes in dan is talking about how they started work together, including the radio show at the bbc (which led to other opportunities), but he was scared bc people could tell he wasn't straight and also "what he and phil had was theirs and personal." to me this indicates they were still together as a couple, so that's why I say it's factual that they were together at least until they worked at the bbc (they started doing the radio show in 2013 fyi!) :) lmk if you have any more questions as I know there's a lot to catch up on!! :3

(I think they have been together this whole time and are still together now lol, I think they've made it pretty clear, but whenever ppl say that we shouldn't speculate that they were ever together it's just ignoring what dan has said)

[dolokhoded]

saw some post that said something along the lines of "dan and phil are fictional to me because of the amount of lore that is just accessible on the internet" and it's soooo interesting to me and it really got me thinking about like... internet personality type people in general but dan and phil in specific as an EXCELLENT example of this, of how whether we see it or not there's a distinction between the real life person and the online persona that almost divides them into completely different beings to me, cause like despite how much they put themselves out there and how genuine they're being (which i don't doubt nor am i trying to imply that they're being fake or something), Dan And Phil The Youtubers (and any other dan and phil) are just content. they're projections of themselves, we don't get to know the content creators, real life human beings daniel howell and philip lester who are just going to go on about their day when the camera's off, we get the content, that's what's being catered to us. and it's really interesting to me how one can divide themself to who they are as a person and what their output as a creator is when the output is just themself, and how it must feel like to recreate and reflect yourself for an audience and make it into Content, and how they find that healthy balance within themselves. and the more i think about it i realize that the more i know about Dan And Phil (TM) (which is a LOT) the less i know about these two actual real life random guys. wack.

[blossoms-phan]

hi friends! since it’s been 3 months I thought I’d do a little updated about me :p

you can call me blossoms! 🌸 comes from the url obviously which I decided on in seconds when sitting in the middle of my bed making this blog at 3am bc I love dan and phil and cherry blossoms/japan/japhan etc etc

(as a side note I don’t share a lot of personally identifying info on here for a lot of reasons, don’t wanna be found out + professional reasons and tumblr is a great platform for having being a phannie as my main identity but I will occasionally overshare in the tags or random posts. for the most vague details I’m canadian and a poc ig? if you want to be friends or discuss anything in more detail im happy to share in dms just not in the general void lol)

some past fandoms I’ve been a part of tumblr or otherwise: avengers/marvel (this was in the peak in like 2016 and I followed it probably up until 2020 but dgaf anymore soz), marvel’s daredevil (their best show still love it), one direction/harry styles (harry was prob my biggest interest/fandom I was heavily involved in until like 2022 ish, i followed a bunch of accounts on my other blog and fan pages, went to his first solo tour in 2018, basically followed his every move- ik he’s not some underground artist but I lost interest when he kinda boomed and became SUPER popular I miss the early days of his solo era lol but still like his music), criminal minds, I think those are the main ones obv I lurk anytime I have a special interest lol

artists I like: twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, the 1975, hozier, frank ocean, bad suns, muse, sufjan stevens, lana del rey, wallows, ed sheeran, lorde, zayn/hs/niall horan, paramore, the smiths, 5sos, kendrick lamar, fka twigs, fleetwood mac (this is off the top of my head just main ones ig there’s lots of other artists with specific songs I like and I also listen to my playlists from middle school often with p!atd and fob just the older stuff tho)

fave tv: derry girls, criminal minds, the office, gilmore girls, brooklyn 99, community, freaks and geeks, gossip girl, new girl, the end of the fucking world (short but a personal fave), fleabag, mindhunter- I like basic nbc sitcoms ok what can I say but currently watching Buffy and there’s lots of things on my watchlist like twin peaks I just never have time (aka always watching YouTube/dnp)

i like to think of myself as a cinephile when I really don’t watch as many movies as I’d like to bc of the same reasons listed above but I keep up with what’s happening in the film world and yeah some of my faves include: little women, sing street, before sunrise, aftersun, clueless, call me by your name, the perks of being a wallflower, big hero 6, la la land, zodiac, the social network, scream, the batman, bones and all, knives out, hp/twilight series

random interests: the scream franchise/saw/horror, until dawn (the game), youtube video essays, true crime content/criminology (in the most respectful way I promise I studied it and mean like actual data and researched podcasts not the weirdos that idolize certain people cough cough), perfumes/cosmetics, art, fashion, baking/food in gen, journaling, pinterest, reading (literary fiction/mystery/some ya)

idk what you were expecting this is literally all media but we’re all media consumers here lmao and I thought this might be a fun way to connect with other phannies if we share similar interests outside of dnp :3

[purpurussy]

literally haven't eaten anything all day (it's gone 7pm) or been outside in several days or slept more than 4 hours/night in the last week so im probably just being insane for no reason atm but

i feel like I'm at a weird sort of crossroads with this blog?

when i made this account i saw it as kind of an experiment in vulnerability and positivity. i said i'm gonna try my best to post what's in my heart and not care whether it does numbers or not. if people like it they like it, if not that's okay because i like it and i'm having fun. and i'm gonna practise some kind of general radical positivity/acceptance towards others too. like i promised myself i would not allow this to be anything other than a positive experience, a nice opportunity to express myself in a way that's disconnected from how people see me irl and maybe connect with likeminded people along the way

and once i started writing fic i literally couldn't stop, like the idea of being able to share my writing and have other people enjoy it too is so exciting and motivating to me. there is so much happening in my google docs atm and it feels so good to be writing again after years of feeling too depressed to create anything

however unfortunately i am the grumpiest most insecure person on earth and i have never let go of anything in my life. i've already been unable to stop myself from wading into discourse™ and the general social media fomo/insecurity is starting to get to me. like when did i go from just gleefully shouting into the void, to constantly checking my activity, trying to figure out the best times to post, literally crying when my stuff doesn't do as well as i wanted it to??? taking note of which posts flopped and which ones did well, so i can post more of the popular content instead of just posting what i want. none of this is even real, yet it's been bothering me in a very real way. most of which is just my brain turning it into a negative experience for fully self-imposed reasons

i do think social media is poison in general. and i know it does not work at all for someone who is very prone to having a complete menty b at the first sign of any kind of rejection. and i know a big part of the problem is that i'm attaching too much value to this blog and how people respond to my posts (I have been connecting with my friends irl more lately, but social media is literally designed to prey on the part of your brain that perceives social rejection as a threat to your existence so unfortunately it feels like this matters to me a lot more than it should. also my irls do not want to hear about dan and phil lmao)

idk if i should just accept that this is not good for me and delete, or if it's possible to once again achieve the carefree fun i was having at first. maybe if i can work on my irl issues i'll start to feel a bit better and then it won't bother me as much?

i'm also sort of wondering how much i should reveal about myself? like i want to feel completely free to post as much cringe/insanity/weird smut as I want. and if i was posting in a way that would be easily traceable back to my actual identity then i'd definitely be a lot more careful with what i say. but on the other hand i wanna get to know people better! it would be fun to hop into a discord and actually have a conversation with people rather than just rambling in the tags on their posts. so i'm not really sure what to do with that either. it's kinda fun to truly exist as a completely formless entity in a way, like im literally just tumblr dot com slash purpurussy and there's something freeing about that, even if it does make me feel like i'm missing out on a chance to connect with people properly sometimes

also that idea scares me! everyone on here is genuinely so cool and wonderful and it gives me such a huge dopamime hit when someone i admire likes my stuff. so it's just scary to interact with people more because it feels like oh no they're gonna realize im actually a cantankerous little troll that lives under a bridge and is a nightmare to talk to lmfao

this makes no sense and i'll probably delete it in a bit i just had to get it off my chest

[th3d0nutl0rd]

ɪɴᴛʀᴏ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ

Hi! It's your local clown freak here! I've slightly altered this post to keep up with things changing on my account ↓

I don't really have one preferred name or pronouns, because I've not found a name I feel fits me yet- but for the sake of naming conventions you can call me by my username or any of the following: Connor, Rain, River, Raven (I'm mildly indecisive)

This Tumblr account is a way of cataloguing my various mental problems-

Just kidding.

I mostly repost stuff related to my hyperfixations and ancient Tumblr fandoms +heritage posts.

(ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʙʙᴄ ᴍᴇʀʟɪɴ, ʙʙᴄ ꜱʜᴇʀʟᴏᴄᴋ, ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀᴡʜᴏʟᴏᴄᴋ, ᴅᴇꜱᴛɪᴇʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ꜱᴛᴜꜰꜰ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴇʟʟꜱɪᴛᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ.)

Other fandoms I'm a part of include:

BBC Ghosts 👻

Invader Zim 👽👾

Riverdale +Archie Comics 🍟🥤

It's Always Sunny 👰‍♂️

BBC Merlin 🧙‍♂️

Community (NBC) 👥

Monster High ☠️

Dan and Phil 🫶

Halloween movies 🎃

Saw movies 🌀🪚

Barbie 💖💞

What We Do In The Shadows 🧛‍♂️🦇

Sherlock Holmes (all media) 🕵️‍♂️🔬

Marvel- MCU 🌟💫

Anna and the Apocalypse 🧟‍♂️🌨️❄️

Red Dwarf 🌌👨‍🚀

Sonic the hedgehog 🦔💙

Pirates of the Caribbean ����‍☠️⚓

Lisa Frankenstein ⚡

Deadpool & Wolverine 💛❤️

I'm also super into music!

I'll basically listen to everything (excluding UK grime music)

But my favourite bands are: Ghost, Nightwish, The Dresden Dolls, My Chemical Romance, Pierce The Veil, and Alice Cooper.

My music taste is basically a genre mishmash, and sometimes it varies from day to day.

Anyway.

When I'm not making banger Tumblr posts about goncharov, shoelaces, November 5th or Merlin, I'm probably at college.

Studying Literature.

And History.

I'm also aware that I'm a part of some fandoms that have bad people involved.

So plz dni if you are the following:

Coquette Blogs

Pro Ana

TERFs

Proship

MAPs

Gatekeepers

People who dislike xenogenders or neopronouns

Rcta

That being said, welcome to my Tumblr page!

Feel free to stay a while :)

[absolutefilthimsosorry]

🌈😮 and 🤣

-kat-aa

🌈 😮 How did you react to their coming out videos initially?

I’ve never really put this into words so sorry here’s an essay.

I wasn’t actively watching them at the time but I still saw BIG I think the day it dropped or maybe the day after? Not to get too dramatic about it but it was so so soothing and healing. After years of no homo crap and slipping out of the phandom because I was tired of the anti-phan teenagers popping up every time you dared imply dnp weren’t straight it was such a relief. I remember going back and watching some old videos and looking at reactions on tumblr and just feeling this sense of peace

Although I also remember being bemused by the people being like ‘this hits different, how did we not know?’ Because, like Dan said in big, he wasn’t exactly subtle 🙄

Watching through big was an emotional rollercoaster of sorrow at the shit dan had to deal with, understanding as it explained some of his behaviour, respect for his bravery in sharing it, gratitude for the inclusivity, and joy that he finally felt comfortable and confident to come out.

Obviously the phan truther in me was cheering at more than romantic etc too.

I also remember Eugene Lee Yang’s coming out dropping just after and watching reaction vids and stuff for the two. Those few days probably would have brought me back to the phandom if Dan and DAPG had been posting at the time, but as it was it took a few more years.

Honestly I don’t remember having very strong emotions about coty. I remember thinking it would have been funnier if Phil had just dropped the ten second opening the closet door hi I’m gay version after Dan did a long ass video essay but other than that it didn’t really bring new emotions just a sort of closure because it would have felt weird if Phil didn’t say anything.

🤣 What's the funniest dan and/or phil story?

Oh god I have no idea. I’m literally watching a compilation for ideas. Okay, I’m leaning towards Dan’s church puppet show story for Dan, it was so unexpected and so detailed! And the Dog Warden story for Phil because it was hilarious and then someone found proof it was real! But I’m sure there’s others I’m missing.

Thanks for the ask, sorry this is so long 😂

[secretlywritingstories]

In another life you still would’ve turned my head | phan one shot

Summary: Dan comes across old black and white photos of two queer men messing around, one playing with the other's hair, just like he did in a recent video with Phil. He gets caught up in the emotions that he would have fallen in love with Phil in any universe. He crawls into Phil's lap and tells him exactly that.

Word count: 2.7k

Tags: 2023!phan, established relationship, queer love, couch cuddles

Inspired by Timeless by Taylor Swift and Phil’s video on Twitter

Read on AO3 or below

‘Cause I believe we were supposed to find this

So even in a different life

You would still have been mine

We would’ve been timeless

Dan didn’t really scroll tumblr that often anymore, but he opened the tab sometimes when the mood stuck him. The current mood was laptop time after dinner, sitting in their pyjamas in the living room, just existing next to each other, doing their own little thing.

He’s barely scrolled for more than a minute or two when he’d scrolled carelessly past a post but something made him scroll back up and take a second look. He scrolled up and then let his fingers just hover over the mousepad to look at it. It felt like something snagged in his chest, and knocked the air out of his lungs.

It was four photos of four old photos. Four old black and white photos featuring featuring two young men laid out nicely on a table and captured with a phone camera. Not exactly unusual but there was something about the vibes of the photos, how the two men leaned into each other, one holding the other by his hair, and it was so strikingly familiar that it makes something in Dan’s chest ache.

He scrolled down a little more to see the caption and his eyes felt as they tremble as he read.

found these in the attic, it said 1944 on the back. mum said that one of the men was my grandfather’s older brother James. she didn’t know the other man. i don’t know much about James, but i do know that he never married or had children. but it looks like he still had love. seeing these warmed my queer little heart.

Dan clicked to enlarge the photos, and he felt like he wasn’t really breathing as the took the first one in. It looked like the two had been set up for a proper photoshoot but they got distracted. Both were wearing big smiles, grinning at each other like there was no one else in the world.

In the next one, one of them was rolling their eyes in fondness while the other had his head thrown back laughing. Dan felt like he could almost hear it, loud laughter ringing in his own ears.

He clicked onwards, and now one of the guys had stood up and his hands in the other’s hair, it looked like he was gently carding his fingers through the strands. The man still sitting down was looking up at the other man, all of his focus on him, while the other seemed to be talking, not caring that the camera was pointed at them and they probably should have been trying to sit still.

And then the last one. It was arguably the worst of the photos, one of the men mostly blurry because he was actively being shoved off to the side, but it was without a doubt Dan’s favourite of the four. The man might mostly be blurry, but you could still make out a small smile on his lips. The man who’d shoved at him looked so satisfied with himself.

It was radiating love, practically palpable in the air, and Dan felt like he couldn’t breathe without inhaling it. Without it settling in his lungs, heavy and important.

It was not entirely without reason that these photos hit so hard today of all days. He saw something else in photos, something reflected back at him. Just yesterday him and Phil had filmed a video asking for suggestions of what hairstyle Phil should try next.

It had been utterly impulsive and so fun. Phil had just casually mentioned that he wanted to try a new hairstyle, and Dan hadn’t hesitated to involve himself. He cared a whole lot about Phil’s hair after all.

He’d seen it in all of its stages and he would love it in all of its stages, even the crappy square hair from when they were young. Still, he was excited to see Phil switch it up, and try something new. It was hard for Phil to pluck up the courage for it, and therefore Dan knew he needed a gentle shove to actually do something about it.

The video had been just that. Something to hold him accountable, so he would do what he wanted to do.

Phil had grown tired of the quiff, of having to style it and he wanted to try something new. Dan could have helped with research, or they could have talked to their hairdresser, but why not turn to their community when they’d eat up something like this? And the fact that Dan had been in the video, shoving Phil around and messing with his hair had just been a bonus.

It didn’t feel quite as daunting to post something like that anymore. For a while the two of them had distanced themselves from sharing stuff like that, in the years following their coming out. Things were different than before when they were in a glass closet. Before they had said that their relationship was real, even if both of them had been adamant about wanting to keep it private.

This was a tiny peek into their life, a moment captured and shared just because they could.

Just like these two men back in 1944. They’d clearly deemed the photographs important enough to print and keep, even if they seemed to have been left behind in an attic in the end. It was so silly and fun and Dan couldn’t help but agree with the person who’d posted them. It made his heart warm too.

He stayed on the last photo, the blurry shove, and he opened another tab for Twitter to search up Phil and find the video from yesterday. He moved the cursor near the end where he knew he’d given Phil a playful shove.

He pressed play, hearing Phil lift his head from the other end of the sofa at the sound, and Dan watched how in the video a small smile played on Phil’s lips just as he was shoved to the side. Dan clicked back to the other tab and watched the photo again. The identical expressions felt like it hollowed out something inside of him, and then filled him with warmth.

It could have been them. In another life, in another time, that could have been him and Phil. The photos were taken during World War II and two young men found the time to laugh, and play around. If they two of them had met then, Dan was sure that Phil still would have captured his attention.

He’d have dreamed of having a moment like that with him. Just like he loved that they could have moments like this now. After everything they’d been through. After all the talk about soulmates and finding each other in every universe… it had always been kind of a joke with a grain of truth. A part of Dan deep down that wanted to believe Phil in his adamant conviction that they were meant to find each other. Always.

“Dan?” Phil asked, voice softly curious.

Dan knew his face was probably trying to process his complicated feelings. He wasn’t quite sure how to sort them out, how to put all of this into words that made sense. He couldn’t really.

Seeing photos of queer people existing throughout history always got him, but this felt even more poignant when he could see the two of them reflected in the touches and the smiles. The photos could literally have been stills from the video Phil had posted. 79 years apart and yet it felt like the same story.

Dan was projecting, heavily, but he didn’t care. He pushed his laptop away from him, setting it on the table and turned towards Phil, who’d been watching him. There was something curious in Phil’s eyes, and he quirked an eyebrow up in a silent question.

They were so used to communicating with each other, and Phil would probably understand what Dan meant even if he only got a few words out. But right now, it felt like all of the words were stuck in his throat. It wasn’t often that he didn’t have anything to say.

He could run his mouth on practically any topic. He was a chronic rambler but right now, it felt like it had all dried up. How was he meant to explain that he loved Phil so much that he saw the two of them in other people’s past too? In another time, he could imagine that it would have been the them sharing laughter and messing around.

How could he explain that he would have fallen in love with Phil no matter where or when they would have met? And how loving him felt endless and timeless?

Phil put his laptop on the coffee table right next to Dan’s, and Dan hadn’t even realised that he wanted crawl over but he could feel it now, the innate pull to be in Phil’s arms. His body was moving before he’d really decided to do it. It had always been pretty good at navigating itself when it came to Phil.

Phil was like a magnetic field, and it was so very easy to let himself get pulled into it.

The two of them were cuddly and touchy. They’d always been so, even if they had periods where they were more careful because of cameras being around. Still, it wasn’t quite usual for Dan to climb into Phil’s lap and just latch onto him unprompted.

His knees dug into the sofa cushions on either side of Phil, and he buried his face in Phil’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin and thinking whether those two lovers had ever pressed close to each other like this.

Maybe they weren’t queer. Maybe Dan was just reading into it, just like the person who’d posted the photos, but something in his heart sung that love recognised love. There was a reason he saw himself and Phil in those photos.

When he’d been younger, he’d sometimes been mad that he couldn’t quite keep the love out of his eyes when he was around Phil. How it radiated out of the both of them and made them vulnerable to speculation that they hadn’t been ready to face.

That he hadn’t been ready to face.

Everything had been subtext, hidden glances, and then so much love away from prying eyes.

Perhaps the two guys in the photos had never been allowed to be seen for what they were, but it didn’t diminish what Dan could see between them. He was happy that things were different for him and Phil. That they got to exist as themselves. Dan was still working on feeling pride in his identity, but he had no doubt in his love for Phil.

It was the easiest thing in his life.

A given.

Dan Howell breathes, and loves Phil Lester.

Phil’s hands came to rub up and down Dan’s back, and he didn’t complain that he suddenly had most of Dan’s weight just dumped into his lap. He welcomed it, even if Dan was just being emo about a couple of photos.

While he didn’t ask verbally, Dan could hear the questions that Phil didn’t asked. He wondered what had set Dan off like this, even if he would be able to pick up on the fact that it wasn’t really a bad thing. Just emotional.

“Saw some photos,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s neck. “Queers from the 40’s. Goofing around, one playing with the other’s hair.”

The sentences came out fragmented, kind of sharp existing his mouth.

Phil hummed in understanding. “I see.”

Dan knew he did, but now that he was talking, he couldn’t quite stop himself from continuing. It was suddenly very important to him that Phil knew where his head had been at. Dan knew Phil only would be delighted that Dan was seeing them in reflected in other queers through history. He’d have called it fate.

“It could have been us,” Dan said, voice almost a whisper, but he didn’t need to speak very loudly when Phil was this close. When they were touching, embracing and breathing the same air. “I would have loved you even then.”

He meant every word. Even with war and homophobia worse than now, he’d have chosen to fall for Phil. He would have chosen to risk everything and pursue him, just like he’d done in this life when he’d started to reach out as just a fan on Twitter.

More than a decade has passed and yet he could still remember every beat his heart had skipped when he realised that they were becoming something more. When they’d become actual friends, rapidly evolving to best friends, falling in love and deciding that they wanted to share their lives forever.

He thought of all of their different boxes of memories, of how they clung onto all of their history. The story of them.

“Even in another life, you would still have been mine,” Phil agreed, squeezing Dan tighter to his chest. “Can you show me?”

Dan flung his hand in direction of his laptop and felt how Phil shifted both of them forward so that he could pull the laptop closer to take a look. He put it down on the sofa next to them, and Dan heard him click through the photos.

He closed his eyes and relaxed in Phil’s embrace, quite content not to move right now, even if he did want to see Phil’s reaction. He could feel part of it, with their chests pushed together like this, Dan swore he could feel Phil’s heart kick up and go a little faster.

“They’re beautiful,” Phil whispered, earnestly and then because he couldn’t help himself, he added: “Hot too.”

Dan had been so lost in big emotions that he hadn’t expected Phil to say something like that. It startled a laugh out of him, and he almost managed to knock both himself and Phil off the sofa.

“Oi! You’ve got your own hot guy right here!” Dan protested, voice light and airy as he continued to laugh between his words. He put more of his weight onto Phil like he could crush him. Remind himself that he got to be with Phil like this. All tangled up in each other.

He didn’t actually care that Phil found other men attractive. Phil seemed to have a pendant for running into hot men everywhere, and Dan mostly found it ridiculously funny how Phil malfunctioned around them. For fun, he would play up his jealousy or poke fun at Phil with it.

He knew that the love they shared, and how their attraction to each other was much deeper than just physical hotness. Dan knew that Phil would always come back home to him, no matter how many super attractive dudes he might encounter. 

“I do,” Phil said, moving to squeeze Dan’s ass unabashedly.

Dan opened his mouth to chastise Phil for fun, but he couldn’t get a word out before his lips were captured in a kiss. He could have pulled away to continue the banter, but he found that he’d much rather melt into the kiss.

Get lost in his timeless love with the one man that he’d search low and high for in any world and in any time. He knew that love would always mean leaning into Phil’s side and getting lost in his eyes.

It was joking around after Dan got emotional about old queers that could have been them. It was knowing exactly how to kiss each other after all of these years. It was how they would always choose each other.

Before meeting Phil, Dan had dared to dream of love and romance, but he could never have imagined what they’d find together. They always had a whole hoard of cardboard boxes with memories, and the collection would only grow and grow. 

Dan couldn’t imagine a life where he wouldn’t find Phil. They were going to be timeless. He was sure of it.

[yonpote]

Not to open a door, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But I always saw dan as the more dominant one between the two and it’s so funny cause I know he is also babygirl, but I feel like a large part of the fandom always made him out to be a submissive bottom??! It kinda makes me wonder how that made him feel seeing all that talk back then,when in fact it might have been way different than the overall assumption. Like the stereotyping was UGLY!Cause again what indicating factors make a person a bottom? Again the discussion and speculation is not really important but they just gave us a little insight today and I would love to hear your take on it some more!

no worries, i think just to Close The Door i'll make this post and my old posts unrebloggable lol.

more under cut

i only mention this briefly in my original thing about this, but i really do think a big part of this stereotyping comes from the fact that the phandom was (and arguably still is) largely afab people whose initial views of male queerness in particular came mainly from BL and slashfic. and like, that is me literally describing myself lol.

i was about to write an entire dissertation on the history of BL and romantic fiction and its roots in misogyny but LET ME NOT..... short story is, because young fic writers were being inspired by other fic writers who were inspired by yaoi manga authors who were inspired by romantic fiction of olden times, those old tropes of an Aggressive Masculine Dominant Top and a Passive Feminine Submissive Bottom have just stayed in the fic community arguably to this day.

if we add on all the extra layers of these fics being RPF, read by fairly young teens, about dnp who were Actually Gay and in the closet and there being evidence out there of their queerness, and obv all of this taking place in the early 2010s when queerness in media was few and far between, it leads to a lot of people projecting their own ideas of dnp that were absorbed thru fiction and stereotypes onto the real dudes themselves.

in terms of sexual relationships, especially queer ones, it's almost never cut-and-dry. i know i'm joking a lot but i don't actually claim to know anything about what their sex lives are like lmao, i just like talking about this kinda thing because it's just interesting how these tropes that i'd like to think people nowadays realize can be quite harmful stereotypes are still kinda perpetuated until dan calls phil a power bottom outright lol.

[lavender-phannie]

I SEE PEOPLE sharing how they got into the dip and pip phandom and I want to participate

I was first and foremost a pinterest girlie. The typical oh my parents won't let me have any form of social media except pinterest oh oh no boy little did they know all the internet shenanigans ends up there it's objectively the best place to "culture" yourself or "acclimatise" for the internet or something

Like, really, it's all content from all the apps compiled for YOU according to the humour YOU like it's amazing

Anyways going off topic .. I have intense FOMO so I obviously started to educate myself on all things internet

One day whilst idly browsing pinterest I happened on pictures of dnp from a tumblr post I don't remember what the post itself was but probably something phan but I didn't know that at the time and I immediately went and checked who they were because I must know and google said they're two British youtubers people ship together and I said okay cool and just left it at that

A month or two later they happened onto my pinterest again and my brain said hey you've had a pretty well curated for you page all things we like so maybe check em out see how it goes probably something we like so I said ok bet and I did and I watched a video of them I think pinof 4 and I was like okay these guys are super random they're funny but I don't get half the things they reference

But then the youtube gods saw my destiny and said this is your fate child and starting recommending it to me all the time

So I gave in and I watched them and they were amazing, healing and wonderful and they really really helped me

Especially like BIG and dans monologue about gender and sexuality really resonated with me cause I didn't really think about this before but I realised I actually agreed with him that gender is baseless but that rant is for another time

And phil, loveliest dearest funniest phil, whenever I was having a hard time he'd been there cheering me up

If you can't tell I joined the phandom in the cursed covid years I was here for the 2022 phivorce which was objectively hilarious

I know this is incredibly long. Longer than necessary but I've typed it all now and words must not be gone to waste so here you are and here we are

Sending best wishes during these trying times (2 weeks since last upload) (they deserve the break) (I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure)

Anon i am also going insane and clawing at my walls idk how i survived a 5 year hiatus and the insanity of phannies seeing dan's foot in a video and calling it "joint content" (also don't worry about stuff being long i love reading it!!)

Kinda relate with the pinterst thing except for me it was instagram and i followed dnp accounts that posted stuff from other social media i wasnt allowed to have at the time... people underestimate the importance of instagram and pinterest when it comes to getting people into new fandoms hahah (although i was introduced to dnp through friends but you know what i mean right??)

anyway same same about phil being there to cheer me up when im having a rough time... in 2017 i had a huge dip in my mental health and i literally just watched phil's videos every night to get to sleep lol! I wonder if he knows how infectious his positive energy is?

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS RAMBLE!? anyway yeah throwing my jumble of thoughts at u anon sorry

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 12

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 12: When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter.

October 2018

With everything going on, his relationship with Dan blossoming, their friendship and their public branding being sort of related again, Phil debated on whether to look into posts he was not tagged in for mentions of the ship, to see what people thought of them now and it took him weeks to finally decide to go through with it. 

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that most viewers on Tumblr talked about the glass closet concept, respectful of them not wanting to discuss their current relationship status but having caught onto the clues that there was something there, just enough context clues to let the queer viewers into the secret and let the homophobic people pretend that they didn’t see anything. 

There was a moment, a sinking feeling in his stomach, when he came across another post saying that Dan and Phil had gone back to queer baiting to sell merch and get more views and condemning it, but not many people seemed to agree. It was dated a few months prior, before their coming out videos, but it still hurt Phil’s feelings. Only a blind person could accuse him of queer baiting. 

He shook his head and hopped into the shower, he needed to relax. He washed his body thoroughly, briefly considering getting off but he was too stressed about what he’d seen to give it a shot. Phil almost slipped and cracked his skull in the shower when he heard the door to this flat open. He wrapped a towel around his hips and carefully walked out of the bathroom, stopping by the kitchen to grab a cast iron pan.

“Hey!” 

Phil jumped and dropped the pan to the floor, narrowly avoiding his foot but cracking a tile in the process. “Dan!”.

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Dan said. “I used the spare key because you were not answering,” he mumbled as his eyes travelled down Phil’s naked torso hungrily. 

“Oh,” Phil said, trying to ignore Dan’s scolding stare. “What happened?”

“I just - wanted to tell you about a thing I was offered…” trailed off, still not looking into Phil’s eyes.

“Well, what is it?” Phil tried, but Dan ran his fingers on Phil’s chest softly, fiddling with the sparse patch of hair.

“You are so wet,” Dan said, clearly not paying attention.

“I was in the shower,” Phil said awkwardly. 

Dan finally looked up and pulled him closer by the hips. Then, he pressed their noses together, looking into Phil’s eyes. “God, I love you so much,” he whispered.

Phil’s eyes widened and before he could say anything, Dan was kissing him as he ran the tips of his fingers down Phil’s back adoringly, barely grazing the skin, the touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. Dan’s hands came to rest in the small of his back as he kissed Phil’s neck, he smirked when Phil gasped and held onto his shoulders. 

He paused and looked into Phil’s eyes for a moment before asking: “May I?” he said, running his fingers on the edge of the towel.

Phil considered it for a moment, trying to not jump into things because he was horny, but they had been working towards it for a few months now, slowly, really talking things through, paying attention to their feelings and where they were at mentally and emotionally, and - yes, Phil really wanted to. He was ready. “Yes,” he whispered and leaned in for another kiss, burying his fingers in the curls on the back of Dan’s head, playing with them softly. He let out a happy sigh when their hips met. He had missed this, he had missed having Dan like this.

Grabbing Phil’s butt through the towel, Dan took a few steps forward, trying to guide Phil to his bedroom, but snorted at how they stumbled awkwardly and opted for just pulling Phil along by the hand. Phil laughed along; it wouldn’t be them if it wasn’t at least a little bit ungraceful. 

Once they had arrived at their destination, Phil sat on the bed and watched Dan unceremoniously remove his shirt and unbuckle his belt, marvelling at all the changes in his body and how good he looked. “Come here,” he said, extending a hand towards Dan and helping him with his zipper and looking up at him, caressing his tummy. “Gorgeous,” he said under his breath.

Dan leaned down for a quick kiss and gently pushed at his chest.

“But-” Phil protested as he discarded the towel, trying to tempt Dan.

“Later,” Dan said. He removed his jeans and lay on top of Phil, resting his weight on his elbows and leaning down to kiss him.

Phil let Dan do as he wished and let his hands wander down Dan’s gorgeous back, grabbing his ass. The sudden movement startled Dan, causing his hips to twitch and finally press their cocks together. 

Phil smiled into the kiss when Dan began to grind on him. Their breaths came out in pants as Phil met Dan thrust for thrust, perhaps a bit too eagerly and Dan let out a high-pitched whine. He tried to angle away from the friction but Phil wrapped one leg around him, not ready to let go of the amazing sensation quickly building in his stomach. 

Beginning to tremble, Dan gave up on the kiss, unable to keep his focus, and pressed his forehead to Phil’s shoulder, letting out small puffs of air that tickled his neck.

“Phil!” Dan moaned as his thrust became more erratic, his entire body shaking. “Ah, fuck,” he said before coming all over Phil who was still thrusting up against him, still desperately chasing his own orgasm, letting out breathy moans.

“You’re so cute when you whine like that,” Dan mumbled into his ear and bit down on Phil’s neck finally pushing him over the edge.

They lay there panting for a little while before Dan got up and went to get a towel soaked in warm water, sitting at the edge of the bed to clean Phil up, which made him smile.

“Thank you,” Phil said, placing his hand on Dan’s arm.

“You’re welcome,” Dan said, dropping a kiss to his forehead and climbing into bed with him.

Phil wrapped one arm around Dan and pulled him close, sighing happily. He pressed a few kisses on Dan’s cheeks, lips, forehead and nose.

Dan snorted a laugh, blushing and trying to hide his face in the pillow.

“What?” Phil asked with what he knew was a goofy smile.

“Nothing!” Dan said. “I missed this. Us”

“Me too,” Phil admitted. “What did you want to tell me earlier?”

“Nothing, it was all a ploy to barge in and find you naked.”

“Oh, shut up,” Phil laughed. “Be serious now!”

Dan paused, his expression dropping for a moment. “I was offered a book deal. It would be a self-help book,” he said. “And I wanted to know what you thought about that.”

“What else am I going to think? I think it’s amazing! You’ve always wanted to help people through books. Who came to you? Publishing?”

“Young Minds, actually. I had mentioned to them before that it is something that interested me, they handled everything but left the door open for negotiations,” Dan said.

“I love that! Congratulations, you deserve it!” Phil gave Dan a quick kiss. “I’m so proud of you!”

Dan smiled. “Thank you,” he said and Phil could tell that he was holding off, trying to say something else.

“What?”

“Ready for another one?” Dan smirked.

“That was not what you were going to say!” Phil laughed.

“It was!” Dan kissed him, trying to distract him from the conversation, and it worked, of course, Phil had never been able to resist Dan and Dan knew that very well. 

Dan’s lips wandered down, dropping kisses on his neck and chest, teasing Phil with random bites on his tummy, his inner thighs and even his hips until he was fully hard. Only then did Dan settle between his legs. 

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s curls, pulling softly as he watched Dan wrap one hand around the base of his cock and ghost his breath over it, licking his lips as if he couldn’t wait to figuratively eat him. It was too much for Phil; he let his head drop back to the pillow. 

“Look at me,” Dan demanded and Phil complied, locking eyes with Dan just for a moment, watching him press his tongue flat against the shaft and give him a long lick from root to tip, taking him in and sucking lightly. Phil’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as Dan hollowed his cheeks and began bobbing his head before pulling away and swirling his tongue around the head. 

Phil felt his fringe sticking to his sweaty forehead, the heat already rising within him when Dan pressed the tip of his tongue to his slit and sucked harder before really getting into a nice rhythm, taking him a bit deeper each time and moaning so loudly, the vibrations sending tiny shocks of pleasure to Phil’s cock as he got into his throat.

High-pitched whines were falling from Phil’s lips ever so often, his legs starting to shake as he got closer and closer to the edge. He wasn’t usually this fast, fuck, but Dan had learned a trick or two in the time they’d been apart. That thought pulled him away from the edge. Who the fuck did Dan learn this from? He frowned.

Dan pulled back and gave him an unimpressed look. “What?�� he panted. “You’re distracted, I can tell.”

“Nothing!” Phil rushed to say, trying not to completely ruin things.

“Don’t lie!” Dan huffed, squeezing his cock slightly, making Phil groan in discomfort.

“You’ve gotten good at this,” Phil said and it was only half a compliment, and Dan knew it, raising one eyebrow to call Phil out on his bullshit. “Since we’ve done it,” he finally finished the sentence.

Dan huffed, crawling up to speak to him properly, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I did. And now I’m going to use everything I know on you. Only you,” he said. “You have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil gasped when Dan wrapped one hand around his cock, his lips already attached to Phil’s neck as he pumped torturously slowly, twisting his hand on the upstroke and thumbing the head.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Dan said, biting his neck softly.

“I don’t want to think about anyone touching you,” Phil said.

“Then don’t. That was after I left. It was nobody important,” Dan mumbled, his hand still moving. “And I thought of you with each and every one of them.”

“You are mine,” Phil snarled, pulling Dan’s hair a bit too harshly to give himself space to bite his neck. He pushed Dan onto the mattress, crawling on top of him and pinning his arms down.

“Yes!” Dan moaned, his body responding to Phil’s change in demeanour.

Phil paused, a bit bewildered about Dan’s reaction. “What?”

“Fuck me,” Dan mumbled. 

Phil’s eyes widened, his resolution faltering. “What?”

Dan looked into his eyes and spoke up. “Please, fuck me.”

“Are you sure?”

Dan nodded, but when Phil didn’t move, he continued. “Phil, for fuck’s sake, I've been fingering myself in the shower thinking about you for years,” he said. “It's been years!”

Phil bit his lip as a memory crossed his mind. The first time they were together, Dan had asked Phil to ride him, it was only fair that he got to watch this time. “Alright,” he smirked. “Ride me.”

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. He nodded and straddled Phil, reaching for the bedside drawer, finding the lube and a condom in no time. Phil watched with rapt attention as Dan rubbed the lube between his fingers, his hand disappearing behind his back as he leaned down to kiss him and started stretching himself. 

Even though Phil had no way of seeing exactly what Dan was doing, he could feel every sigh into the kiss, the tremble of his legs, and the incredibly happy smile that graced his lips. He took this opportunity to get reacquainted with Dan’s body, gently gracing the tips of his fingers on his nipples, shoulders, and down his back, feeling the goosebumps the sensation brought Dan until he reached Dan’s lower back. Curiosity got the best of him as he traced Dan’s fingers down to his hole. “Do you need help?” he mumbled against Dan’s lips hoping he would say yes.

Dan broke the kiss and he shook his head. “Just kiss me, I can do it,” he said, shutting his eyes with a focused frown.

Phil smirked and pulled Dan down for a deep kiss, letting out a happy sigh as his hands travelled south once again, settling on Dan’s ass and helping him move, causing him to grind gently on Phil as he fingered himself.

Turning his head towards Dan’s side, Phil managed to kiss his neck and suck lightly before the other pulled away.

“Don’t do that or this will be over before it starts,” Dan hissed, sitting up. He gave Phil a stern look and passed the condom and lube to him.

“Sorry,” Phil said with a smirk, not feeling sorry for a second. He tore the packet, uncapped the lube and did his usual method, making sure that the condom was rolled correctly and well lubed inside and out.

Dan pulled his fingers out and wiped his hands on his discarded T-shirt before settling them on Phil’s chest. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Phil asked, not wanting Dan to hurt himself.

“Yeah,” Dan said, reaching back to grab Phil’s cock. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and looked into Phil’s eyes as he sank down slowly, his brows burrowed into a frown. 

There was a little resistance but Phil let Dan handle it on his own time.

“Fuck!” Dan moaned.

Phil was in heaven, his hands on Dan’s hips, helping him settle down slowly, feeling him pulse around him. “So beautiful,” Phil whispered.

“You,” Dan replied. He rolled his hips and it was Phil’s time to moan. Despite the stretching, Dan was so tight. “Always wanted to do this with you.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked breathlessly.

“Mhmm. I knew you would feel amazing,” Dan said. He started rocking, slowly at first but gradually getting into it. Throwing his head back, he rolled his hips again and again, pulling out and sinking back harder down with each roll.

Dan had such a beautiful neck, Phil wanted to bite it again, but he settled for watching the gorgeous expanse of skin just out of his reach, Adam’s apple bobbing as Dan swallowed and the muscles flexing as he moaned. Phil dug his nails into Dan’s hips and helped him sink down harder as they picked up the pace.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Dan whined, louder and louder and Phil was starting to get distracted thinking of the neighbours. 

Then he did it. He spanked Dan’s ass, throwing him off his rhythm but watching his cock twitch at the pain. That kinky bastard. “Be quiet,” Phil snickered.

“Make me,” Dan pouted, slowing down to a stop.

“Really?” Phil asked.

The blush creeping up Dan’s chest and neck confirmed it, even before he nodded.

Phil tapped Dan’s side. “Up. I’ll take care of you,” he said and Dan looked way too happy about it. “On your knees and elbows.”

Dan bit his lip and gave him a sly smile before obliging. Just as he was settling comfortably on his elbows, Phil grabbed his ass, spreading him open and slowly pushed inside as deep as he could. Dan let out a low moan and arched his back, trying to push back against him. Phil paused, holding him still, giving Dan a moment to adjust to the feeling again before pulling one of his hands behind his back and then the other, leaving him trembling on his knees until he settled forward on his shoulders.

“I can’t really move like this,” Dan said.

“That’s the idea,” Phil replied and grasped both of Dan’s wrists with one hand, placing a pillow in front of his face. “If you want to scream, do it into the pillow. I trust you to turn your head to the side if you can’t breathe.” 

“What if I want to choke?” Dan snorted and tried to move his hips but Phil spanked him with his free hand. “Ngh!”

“Do you want me to fuck you hard or gently?” Phil asked.

“Hard,” Dan groaned.

“Good. Then keep your hands behind your back like this,” Phil commanded. “Got it?”

“Yeah!” Dan moaned.

Satisfied with that reply, Phil let go of Dan’s hands and placed his own on Dan’s gorgeous hips again. He pulled out just a bit before thrusting back in, experimenting with different angles until he found what he was looking for. Smirking, Phil thrust harder and harder, barely able to hear Dan screaming his moans into the pillow above the sound of his blood rushing to his ears and the slap of flesh against flesh.

Dan put his hands down and pushed himself back against his thrusts. “Harder,” he begged as he began to tremble. “Please! please! I’ll be quiet,” he babbled.

Phil obliged, pulling out and slamming back into Dan as hard as he could, effectively pushing Dan into the mattress shoulders first again. “Touch yourself,” he said and continued to slam into him at a punishing pace.

Dan shut his eyes and turned his head to the side. He bit his lip hard, stifling his moans as his hand flew over his cock until he came with a silent scream.

Phil slammed into Dan one more time as deep as he could and came into the condom, shivering as he felt Dan’s overstimulated body twitch. He pulled out and discarded the condom but when he saw Dan’s beautiful body covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair stuck to his face, and the bruises already forming on his hips, Phil couldn’t help himself and pushed one finger inside of him, pressing it gently against his prostate. He leaned over Dan’s body and whispered: “Can I eat you out, Baby?”

“Fuck,” Dan laughed looking at him over his shoulder. “Right now?”

Phil raised one eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” Dan whispered. “Ok.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s ass and pried his cheeks open, exposing his hole and pressed the tip of his tongue against it, giving him teasing licks for a few minutes until he sneaked his hand around and confirmed his suspicions, Dan was getting hard again. 

“Bastard,” Dan said. “I’m too sensitive.” He pressed his face into the pillow.

“Do you want me to stop?” Phil teased.

Dan looked over his shoulder. “Shut up and eat me out,” he groaned.

“Bossy.” Phil laughed and shoved his tongue inside of Dan without further preamble. He alternated between thrusting his tongue inside and soft licks and kisses until Dan was ready to murder him. Only then did Phil properly fucked him with his tongue until his jaw was sore and even past that point, when Dan’s balls drew up and his hole clenched hard around Phil as he came for what felt like forever.

Dan lay down at his side, trembling with the aftershocks of his orgasm and turned his head to look at Phil, his brows burrowing into a frown. Phil could see Dan’s expression slowly begin to change into one of worry, or even panic, as time went on.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, bracing himself as his anxiety began to rise with every second Dan stayed silent. “Please, don’t leave. Let’s talk about it.”

“I’m not leaving,” Dan mumbled, his eyes wide. 

“Do you regret it?” Phil asked, his voice small, already cursing himself for pushing Dan’s boundaries.

“No!” Dan said and rolled onto his side to face Phil, lacing their fingers together. “No, I swear. I just -”

“What?” Phil squeaked.

“I meant to say it on a romantic date, not like that,” Dan pouted.

Phil’s brain was beginning to come back online and then it hit him, what Dan had said earlier. He actually meant what Phil had hoped he did. “You love me?”

“You’ve always known that. What I meant to say was… I am in love with you,” Dan said and held his gaze, waiting for an answer.

Phil smiled widely, letting out a sigh of relief. “Me too. I mean, I love you so much.” He rolled onto his side to face Dan and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, dropping a few more around his face for good measure.

Dan giggled as Phil kissed him all over but still asked: “But are you in love with me? That’s different.”

Phil rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, I am in love with you, dork.”

“Then you are my boyfriend now,” Dan said with a cheeky smile.

“Is that even a question?” Phil asked, amused.

Dan shook his head, a smile still on his lips. “No, Lester. You are mine now. No turning back.”

“Good.” Phil nodded. “Stay.”

“There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” Dan said, pressing a kiss to the back of Phil’s hand.

“Aww, that’s cheesy,” Phil teased.

“It’s supposed to be cheesy,” Dan laughed.

Phil tickled him until Dan was cry-laughing and begging him to stop. “God, I love you, I love you so much, you can’t imagine,” he said and pressed their lips together into a soft kiss, sighing happily. It was just a relief to be able to say it out loud; Phil hadn’t realised how much he’d needed to say it, to let Dan know. “I love you,” he said again and he felt butterflies in his stomach at the fond smile Dan gave him, his eyes full of love and almost adoration.

“I love you too,” Dan whispered.

In fact, Dan’s voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear was what lulled Phil to sleep peacefully. 

When Phil opened his eyes again, he felt inundated with a sense of happiness like he had never felt before, not in the early morning at least and not just for waking up, for being alive. 

His vision focused and he smiled as he saw Dan snoring softly at his side, the sunlight coming through the window making his skin glow, enhancing the little freckles on his shoulders and the warm brown in his hair. He grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of Dan before cuddling up to him and resting his face on his shoulder.

Dan stirred, his brows furrowed until he saw Phil and flashed him a smile. “Hi, love,” Dan said in his low and raspy morning voice.

Phil almost squealed at the pet name, but he controlled himself. “Hi,” he whispered. “Breakfast?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Dan said. “Later.” His head disappeared under the sheets as he made his way down Phil’s body laying kisses on his wake.

Phil’s shocked laugh soon turned into a string of moans and, for some reason, they didn’t make it to breakfast until much much later.

Dan was good on his promise. He stayed that day, and the next, and the one after that, until he had to return to work, and even then he came back in his spare time. Just like back in the day, there was barely a time when Dan wasn’t at Phil’s flat. He had, once again, “dumped all his shit” at Phil’s and made it his second home, and in December, when Dan’s lease was due, the decision was obvious: he officially moved in with Phil.