#what they are like

[cluelessatthispoint]

tf2 Mercs Babysitting Style

Heavy: He likes kids and has a lot of experience helping his mother to raise his sisters. He dreams of one day starting a family and having one or two children. When babysitting he understands that he is much larger than the child and tries to make himself seem smaller so he doesn't scare them too bad. He is a patient and caring babysitter, but he is a firm believer in following the rules. Candy before dinner? No thank you!

Soldier: Do not let him near your kids. He will give them a buzzcut and bring them raccoons to play with. He means well, he really does, but if you want him to babysit your kids at least ask if Demo can come along as well. Demo can easily tone down the chaos that Soldier brings. Soldier, in general, likes kids, he doesn't have any experience in babysitting but he thinks that it can't be that much different from ordering around troops. Oh, how wrong he is.

Spy: He will leave them in front of the television and walk away. Every now and then he will check in on the kids and make sure that they didn't hurt themselves. Even though he says that he doesn't like kids he will make sure that they eat a delicious and nutritious meal that would put Gordon Ramsey to shame. Being around kids makes him uncomfortable, it makes him think of all the missed opportunities that he could have had with his son growing up.

Sniper: He is used to being alone. His only experience with kids is that he used to be a kid himself. Does the child want food? does the child need water? Does the kid have to go number one? or number two? He doesn't know. One thing is for sure though, that child (if well-behaved) will be kept safe and sound. If the kid is a brat he will leave them with Heavy. He loves to teach the kid how to hunt for food and the perfect way to cook and eat grasshoppers.

Scout: He is pretty much a child himself, he knows that a kid needs food, water, and entertainment in order to be happy and healthy. He will be very awkward around the child at first. He tries to show off how confident he is, but the kid will not be fooled; even a baby can see through his false bravado. He starts off with comics and magazines, then the T.V. when that doesn't work he makes the kid a sandwich and takes them outside to play some catch. The child will have the most fun with Scout, but Scout will be panicking the whole time.

Pyro: He likes kids, heck! He loves spending time with them, but if on the off chance you want your kid to end up crispier than a burnt piece of texas toast please consider leaving your child with Heavy or even Soldier.

Demoman: He is a little concerned about being a babysitter. He is a demolition expert, he builds bombs for a living! Even a child at first glance could probably tell that he is as drunk as a skunk. Still, he has that "friendly" atmosphere about himself. Since he makes bombs for a living his hands are extremely dexterous. He knows how much pressure to apply to a child's hand for a handshake and he knows how to apply band-aids the correct way. Does he like babysitting? Not as much as he likes to blow things up. Will he ever consider babysitting in the future? he might, he is a DeGroot! And DeGroots like having multiple jobs! Besides, deep down he really is a softie.

Medic: Is one of the last people that should even be near a child. He has a lot of knowledge of childcare and knows what to do if they're sick, or it they got hurt. But emotionally... not so much. He's very desensitized to gore and forgets that most normal people much less children can handle the sight of blood. He will probably ask the child to help retrieve something from the fridge and eventually scar them for life with all the various organs he has mixed in with the canned drinks. Does he like kids? he thinks that they are okay. He has no patience for them really. But if Heavy and Medic were trusted to take care of the child, then they will work together to make the child feel safe, loved, and comforted til their parents come back.

Engineer: He has a lot of dangerous doo-hickeys in his workshop, so a day in there is a no-no. He will gladly keep the child entertained with stories of his youth or old folktales that his Grandfather used to tell him back when he was a little boy. If stories don't do the trick, then perhaps a song or two on his trusty guitar might pique the child's interest. He tries to form a bond with the child by building with Legos or building blocks. If the kid suggests building a pillow fort then Engie will always be free to babysit whenever you're busy. He will teach the child how to build the most effective pillow fort, capable of withstanding strong winds, loud noises, and Soldier's raccoon attacks.

[koobiie]

shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

[x0401x]

So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????

I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.

Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?

[enemywasp]

I'm sorry I keep posting my tiktok comments but please. What does this mean. What do people THINK shipping is for anymore???

[12neonlit-stage]

you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something

You have 1 week, good luck!

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[haunted-xander]

If you skip a meal Senshi will materialize next to you w/ food at the ready

[captainjonnitkessler]

Every time I advocate for voting people are like "no you shouldn't vote! Read this literature, it'll totally change the way you view voting!" And every single time it's the same fucking "you shouldn't vote because both parties are exactly the same so it won't make a difference who wins" bullshit wrapped up in some fancy language

[bethfuller]

limited perception.

find me on instagram!

[ursulaklegay]

its so scary to put yourself out there but a SINGLE message saying "hi i loved what you made it touched me in some way" makes it all worth it 10000%

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Okay, but hear me out -- what if his parents weren't usually red and blue?

[fleshdyk3]

everyone loves to shit on shoebills like omg this bird is SO SCARY its TERRIFYING which like first of all shut up youre annoying second they are literally just standing there what the hell is your problem

[just-spacetrash]

the 'what if you played it a little risky' post literally Changed my life but i cant fujkign find it in my blog because its. a tiktok screenshot

[borrelia]

erm. official tumblr page btw.

turning off reblogs bc now you dipshits saying i've left out context are letting the goddamn oxford comma guy and his ilk in my notes. good job brave tumblr warriors o7