#what they are like

[cluelessatthispoint]

tf2 Mercs Babysitting Style

Heavy: He likes kids and has a lot of experience helping his mother to raise his sisters. He dreams of one day starting a family and having one or two children. When babysitting he understands that he is much larger than the child and tries to make himself seem smaller so he doesn't scare them too bad. He is a patient and caring babysitter, but he is a firm believer in following the rules. Candy before dinner? No thank you!

Soldier: Do not let him near your kids. He will give them a buzzcut and bring them raccoons to play with. He means well, he really does, but if you want him to babysit your kids at least ask if Demo can come along as well. Demo can easily tone down the chaos that Soldier brings. Soldier, in general, likes kids, he doesn't have any experience in babysitting but he thinks that it can't be that much different from ordering around troops. Oh, how wrong he is.

Spy: He will leave them in front of the television and walk away. Every now and then he will check in on the kids and make sure that they didn't hurt themselves. Even though he says that he doesn't like kids he will make sure that they eat a delicious and nutritious meal that would put Gordon Ramsey to shame. Being around kids makes him uncomfortable, it makes him think of all the missed opportunities that he could have had with his son growing up.

Sniper: He is used to being alone. His only experience with kids is that he used to be a kid himself. Does the child want food? does the child need water? Does the kid have to go number one? or number two? He doesn't know. One thing is for sure though, that child (if well-behaved) will be kept safe and sound. If the kid is a brat he will leave them with Heavy. He loves to teach the kid how to hunt for food and the perfect way to cook and eat grasshoppers.

Scout: He is pretty much a child himself, he knows that a kid needs food, water, and entertainment in order to be happy and healthy. He will be very awkward around the child at first. He tries to show off how confident he is, but the kid will not be fooled; even a baby can see through his false bravado. He starts off with comics and magazines, then the T.V. when that doesn't work he makes the kid a sandwich and takes them outside to play some catch. The child will have the most fun with Scout, but Scout will be panicking the whole time.

Pyro: He likes kids, heck! He loves spending time with them, but if on the off chance you want your kid to end up crispier than a burnt piece of texas toast please consider leaving your child with Heavy or even Soldier.

Demoman: He is a little concerned about being a babysitter. He is a demolition expert, he builds bombs for a living! Even a child at first glance could probably tell that he is as drunk as a skunk. Still, he has that "friendly" atmosphere about himself. Since he makes bombs for a living his hands are extremely dexterous. He knows how much pressure to apply to a child's hand for a handshake and he knows how to apply band-aids the correct way. Does he like babysitting? Not as much as he likes to blow things up. Will he ever consider babysitting in the future? he might, he is a DeGroot! And DeGroots like having multiple jobs! Besides, deep down he really is a softie.

Medic: Is one of the last people that should even be near a child. He has a lot of knowledge of childcare and knows what to do if they're sick, or it they got hurt. But emotionally... not so much. He's very desensitized to gore and forgets that most normal people much less children can handle the sight of blood. He will probably ask the child to help retrieve something from the fridge and eventually scar them for life with all the various organs he has mixed in with the canned drinks. Does he like kids? he thinks that they are okay. He has no patience for them really. But if Heavy and Medic were trusted to take care of the child, then they will work together to make the child feel safe, loved, and comforted til their parents come back.

Engineer: He has a lot of dangerous doo-hickeys in his workshop, so a day in there is a no-no. He will gladly keep the child entertained with stories of his youth or old folktales that his Grandfather used to tell him back when he was a little boy. If stories don't do the trick, then perhaps a song or two on his trusty guitar might pique the child's interest. He tries to form a bond with the child by building with Legos or building blocks. If the kid suggests building a pillow fort then Engie will always be free to babysit whenever you're busy. He will teach the child how to build the most effective pillow fort, capable of withstanding strong winds, loud noises, and Soldier's raccoon attacks.

[koobiie]

shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[x0401x]

So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????

I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.

Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?

[enemywasp]

I'm sorry I keep posting my tiktok comments but please. What does this mean. What do people THINK shipping is for anymore???

[sanguinifex]

You gotta read and watch some old books and films that aren’t 100% modern politically correct. I’m not saying you should agree with everything in them but you need to learn where genres came from to understand what those genres are doing today and where media deconstructing old tropes is coming from.

Also, more often than you might think, they’re not actually promoting bigotry so much as “didn’t consider all the implications of something” or just used words that were polite then but considered offensive now.

Kill the censor in your head.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[haunted-xander]

If you skip a meal Senshi will materialize next to you w/ food at the ready

[captainjonnitkessler]

Every time I advocate for voting people are like "no you shouldn't vote! Read this literature, it'll totally change the way you view voting!" And every single time it's the same fucking "you shouldn't vote because both parties are exactly the same so it won't make a difference who wins" bullshit wrapped up in some fancy language

[mountainshroom]

If she has no fans call the ambulance cause I am dead

[intercrusher]

this is their foreplay

[ursulaklegay]

its so scary to put yourself out there but a SINGLE message saying "hi i loved what you made it touched me in some way" makes it all worth it 10000%

[just-spacetrash]

the 'what if you played it a little risky' post literally Changed my life but i cant fujkign find it in my blog because its. a tiktok screenshot

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[trashy-greyjoy]

really love dynamics that are like 'it honestly doesn't matter if you view them as romantic or platonic, the point is that they love each other. the type of love is inconsequential, all that matters is that it's there'. gotta be one of my favorite genders.

[trans-cuchulainn]

as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"