#what sucks is idk what's gonna happen to my old accounts i deleted that still have stuff floating around

[ittibittium]

i wish we could disable the AI thing globally on our account instead of having to do it for each and every blog/sideblog we have individually

[birdofprey1234]

Hello all. In case you've been unaware, recently tumblr has begun rolling out a partnership with Midjourney to scrape the entire website and its users' posts for their AI training. This includes peoples art, and probably also writing and photography. Anything you've posted the company may use for training, and you are opted IN by default.

Obviously this blog has been inactive for quite a while now, and no new art has been or will be posted here, but this puts me in a difficult position. I'm not sure exactly what I'm gonna do with this blog from here on. Some people have recommended editing posts to put a glaze filter over old art so that it's unusable, but I have many hundreds of posts, not all of which are tagged, and I'm unsure whether the AI training has already gotten a hold of them or not, making the potential filter useless. Not to mention the reblogs that already exist of the old un-glazed artwork.

I considered deleting everything, maybe even the blog itself, but that idea...sucks. I like the idea and the feeling that though I'm not active, my art is still out in the fandom tags somewhere, and that I have had an effect on the fandoms I was in and shared my art with. And again, the reblogs still exist, so I'm not sure what that would mean in terms of AI scraping. My worry is that deleting my blog would only relinquish any control I do have of what is done with my art.

As it is I'm kind of at a standstill. I was recently thinking over sharing my art again on other blogs, since I do miss being a part of that creative space. But now this change has kind of crushed that idea entirely. All this, plus the extreme transmisogyny apocalypse happening on here in the last month, and the seeming silencing of important movement tags like palestine, it really makes me want to ditch tumblr altogether. I've seen many people considering switching platforms. There's been a lot of markiplier mutuals specifically who have encouraged me to join cohost, I also have seen pillowfort as an option for others. But those platforms are new, kind of janky and will be hard to get used to for me. Plus, idk if I'm using them wrong but there's like...11 posts in each tag that I've seen so far, which kind of kills the feeling of being a part of a big open fan community I really love. Cohost seems like a nice platform, but if only 30-35 people move over, then it's really going to be a moot point. I wanna be where everyone else in the fandom is. I worry that this mass migration will only splinter communities, as we're all going to different places. I don't want to make 500 accounts on different platforms just to stay active and feel aware in the community.

My entire online social life up to this point has basically been on tumblr, I have a lot of blogs with a LOT of memories attached to them, and it would hurt to just drop them and move away.

Overall I'm at a loss. I enjoy sharing my work, my ideas and thoughts, I like being a part of these creative communities. But it seems like everyday the online space becomes more and more hostile toward creatives and fans, and much more advertiser friendly. One thing i never ever wanted to happen was for my art to be used for AI, and I naively thought that tumblr would be safe in that way. Guess not. I sometimes wonder if eventually all large social media will crash down and The People will dedicate to going back to personal websites and forums. I would enjoy a space where I could share my art on my own terms, and not have other peoples interaction with it overshadow everything else.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. For now I will be staying on tumblr until I figure it out, but definitely no more posting creatively. I want to try to keep my work up if I can. I would recommend on all your blogs going to settings and toggling ON "prevent third-party sharing for this blog", as that will let tumblr know you wish your work, including reblogs of it to be excluded from the scraping. I'm unsure how actually useful this will be, or how much the company will respect these wishes but. It's there. I would also love for you to come talk with me @boobookiss and, hey, maybe make a cohost account. I'm on there as boobookiss as well. I hope to keep touch with you all and see this little community stay together.

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

Tumblr stop deleting the readmore. Let me rant in peace 😒

FUCK i am 🤏🏽 close to running away to live in the wilderness somewhere 😤

Every day I hate my job more and goddamn more but i have literally no other option but to just suck it up. My boss has NO boundaries and messages me at any time of the day or night or on weekends, and im expected to reply IMMEDIATELY no matter what. Even when i take “vacations” (which i dont) or when im sick (EVEN WITH COVID) im expected to meet deadlines regardless.

I do get to WFH so i get up at like 8-9 and just work in my pjs all day, and it is “creative writings” so im technically reading books every day. But theyre “male power fantasy” books that legitmately (no joke) make me want to step in front of cars on a daily basis. The audience for these books are every incel fucking idiot misogynist on reddit, so we write dummed down porn basically. And i have nothing against porn, but the fact that there cant be any other men in these books except the MC bc the readers are so insecure tell you everything you need to know 🙃 And every time my boss berates me for something stupid like “oh the women cant roll their eyes ever bc men dont like that” i just want to SCREAM 😤

Honestly if i was back in my home state, I would have quit already. But im out of state and basically living pay check to pay check on my sole income since my fiance isnt working while he finishes law school. I have like $20 left in my account every month after bills and expenses, so if i quit, i have literally NO safety net. I wouldnt have enough for one months rent or even have enough to move back home. Which makes me super fucking anxious like… all the time. When i first started getting jobs, I saved up and made sure I always had at least $1000 in case shit happens (and bc i grew up poor lol yay trauma) and now I dont have enough for a night of takeout.

To top it off, my cars been dead for like a year bc I dont have the money to re-register it or actually get it running, so Im just stuck in the house all day 🤗

And idk how to explain this constant money anxiety to my fiance bc he grew up rich and white and his parents still send him money for things every so often just cuz. But here i am, sending MY parents money sometimes even if I dont have it and staying up at night wondering how tf im gonna pay for my parents when my dad gets too old to do his contracting work. (Hes 60, with a shit ton of injuries, so prob soon). Im wondering if I can yank out my own IUD later this yr bc i dont have money to see a doctor. Im wondering what will happen if our dogs get sick or if we have an accident.

I know if any of this happens, ill figure something out. I always do. Im the eldest daughter, the “golden child,” I cant fail.

But fuck… sometimes i just get so tired of fighting. Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me…

[prince-liest]

fic writer interview!

How many works do you have on AO3?

37, though another one is going up tomorrow because haunted AO3 hours started and I don't want to post it in the middle of the night on a Monday. Also like 4 or 5 more in reserve from zines/bangs. I'm kinda impressed with myself, but also, side-eyeing y'all with fic counts in the 100s. Phenomenal. Effervescent.

What's your total AO3 word count?

257,246

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In chronological order of first fic on AO3: Percy Jackson, Soul Eater, Steven Universe, My Hero Academia, Dragalia Lost, Avater: the Last Airbender, the Witcher, and Genshin Impact! That's 7 fandoms and I'm not counting Homestuck (I only wrote OC stuff) or D&D (same thing).

I also have works from Axis Powers: Hetalia and Katekyo Hitman Reborn! on Fanfiction dot hell that none of you will ever see. I definitely posted and deleted a Twilight OC fic once.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dish Duty | ATLA

The Sword of Damocles is Swinging | MHA

The Ancient Art of Jerkbending | ATLA

Dishabille | MHA

Summer Break | MHA

ATLA is a powerful fandom so I'm not surprised both my ATLA fics made top five. Dishabille's popularity continues to pleasantly surprise me. Damocles is only surprising because it isn't first. I am so proud of Summer Break and that entire Shinsou series, I'm glad it made top 5 and is gonna break 1k kudos soon. <3

(Now get Dog-Tired up there, I fucking love that story. q^q)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

To quote Mido: I do, but not consistently. Q^Q I read them all and I really want to reply to them all, but I very frequently simply to not have the energy. I have it posted on my AO3 profile, though, so hopefully it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings... I have recently been trying to at least answer all new incoming comments and not let the backlog increase! (That said, the backlog is over 100.)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't tend to do angsty endings (I am a hard lover of angst with a happy ending), but I've written some questionable and bittersweet ones. I think arguably the best contendor for angstiest ending is probably Kindred Spirit. I wrote it to low key revenge myself on @thegc4life for insisting that Shinsou gets a hug (he does! technically!) and it certainly ended ominously.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

As much as I love "Edward Elric gets transported into X universe and proceeds to kick everyone's ass" crossovers, I don't relaly write any. I do enjoy full transplant AUs, though, and the one I recently posted on AO3 is an MHA-at-Hogwards AU called the Birds and the Mares that I wrote for the HP/BNHA Zine!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Deeeeepends on what you mean by 'hate.' :X has gotten two comments (one much politer than the other, haha) complaining about my use of the r-slur in Shinsou's internal narrative in one of the chapters, but one person backpedaled and said they understood the purpose of it while the other (more vehement) one never replied to my explanation. That's all, though!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yeah. It's never going on my main AO3 (and the one time it did, I orphaned the fic). I have a side account I might post it on once I get over the fact that people who know me also know about the account. It's all 100% PWP of stuff I personally am into, and I have a very specific set of things I'm into, so... idk, feels a little personal! ^^"

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but I've had people adopt general concepts I used (fabulous!) and steal my RP OCs back in ye olde fantroll days (not at all fabulous! incredibly hurtful, actually). I am vehemently opposed to plagiarism, even of concepts. It feels so gross.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone in the comments mentioned that they are translating Bloodied Hound into Russian and I am SO EXCITED. I desperately want to read it. Of all the languages, it happened to be the only other one I'm decently literate in! I also want to show my grandparents. I really hope the person follows through. <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've roleplayed a lot, but I can't see myself ever co-writing a fic. I'm not even sure how it works, to be honest!

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Urgh. Pass. I can't pick one. Perils of a multishipper.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I was going to proudly say "I never post things I don't plan on finishing!" but in reality that is a lie, because Falling Down A Rabbit Hole exists from back in 2015 and is in fact the reason I made that rule for myself. ^^" Honestly, what's there still holds up, but the reality is that I didn't actually come up with a plot, so there's nowhere for it to go.

What are your writing strengths?

Interesting/relatable/funny dialogue, and also writing feelings in a 'show, don't tell!' kind of way that leaves strong impressions with people!

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting out long stories with good pacing! People thought Damocles had a plot, apparently? Joke's on you, it was a series of "I wanna see this happen" scenarios that I made Hawks suffer through and subsequently strung together like a haphazard multicolor plastic bead necklace that I told everyone was actually pearls.

That's why all my stories after Damocles are either short or split into a series. Shinsou's Bad Days is my attempt at proper pacing, hence it being so episodic.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'll do it if I know the language well enough (so, Russian and ASL, I don't trust my casual Japanese), but I'm generally a stickler for making things come off naturally, so I otherwise will instead try to find the closest tonal equivalent in English (such as having Childe call Zhongli "professor" instead of "xiansheng"). Sometimes there just isn't one (like Kazuha calling Beidou 'big sis' but in a way that doesn't sound kiddish and overly casual for him), though, which sucks. :( Language is cool!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

T. Twilight. QUQ I wish that fic still existed, it was like a single chapter of two multicolored hair OCs befriending Alice Cullen and being cool. I deleted it but I SHOULDN'T HAVE. IT WAS HISTORY.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This totally changes with each new slew of fics I post. I think currently it is Dog-Tired because despite being unsatisfied with the title, I think the story itself turned out amazing. I also am extremely happy with the entire Shinsou's Bad Days series (including upcoming installments).

Tagged by: @touchmycoat (THANK U LOVE <3)

Tagging: anyone who's read this far, LOL. seriously, though, I have a lot of writer moots and I don't have the time to tag them all but PLEASE do this and tag me so I can read it if you are so inclined! <3

[rkyooa]

damn, rookies.

okay children, here we go.

i’m putting this under a read more cause, well, this isn’t going to be completely positive, in fact it’ll probably be a good 50/50 positive and negative. we’ve been asked to write about rookies for this fifth year anniversary. it’s amazing that this rp has lasted so long and seems to be the only active, successful roleplay on tumblr to have any kind of significant longevity, so i feel it’s only right to be honest when writing this. rookies has done a lot for me, and this includes both positive and negative things. each person’s experience is different, some will have really great experiences and some will have really negative ones, some will fall on the spectrum in between. i’m definitely in between. i’m gonna do this in a ‘rookies has taught me blank’ kind of way, just so that i can keep a silver lining in the picture, even with the negative. if you relate, then great, let’s chat and bond over it. if not, i hope my experiences help you so you don’t have to go through any of the same hardships i have. 

here we go

rookies has taught me resilience. it’s the first thing that comes to mind, because as much as this community has some amazing people who are supportive and uplift others, there is some really toxic stuff that has happened within the walls of this roleplay. sometimes it’s out of our control, and bad stuff just happens, and that’s okay, so long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. upon joining rookies, i had made yooa and hugo. hugo was a muse already conjured and in the works before he had officially joined, and he was in all honestly, made specifically for a friend’s muse here. yooa was plotted to have a long term ship from the get go as well, and both ships were integral parts of their muses. i lost both of them, nearly at once, and it quite literally took a chunk out of me. i never blamed the roleplayers for doing that, because i understood why they needed to leave. getting upset at them wouldn’t have changed anything either, so i just accepted it. i won’t say i didn’t suffer from it though, because i most certainly did. for a while i had no idea what to do with hugo. yooa, she had a bit of a purpose, because she wanted to be a model and an idol, but hugo especially was so hard to come back from on. failed ships or people leaving happened multiple times after that as well, but because of the initial loss of people i thought would never leave, the impact wasn’t nearly as bad, i was able to weather it and accept it, and move on ic. now i’m so understanding and don’t really get hurt when i lose ships or rp partners, i’m able to just be okay with it and look forward to the next ship or thread or endeavour. i’ve applied this to strictly ooc things as well. i’ve lost friends within rookies. people have stopped talking to me because of things that have happened concerning rookies. it sucks, i don’t like it, but i accept it. i’m becoming more and more thick skinned and level headed by the day. i can take blows and dish back kindness now, and i’m pretty proud of that. the only thing i’m still struggling with is the amount of netizen smack talk or belittling that suho got during the mgas. everyone loved to hate him, and while it’s just unofficial ic stuff, it did still get to me, hence why i stopped writing on my own netizen (and have since even deleted her account). the reason that specifically got to me is very unique to my situation. yooa and hugo got signed after what’s considered pretty long waits. there have been longer, obviously, but 8 and 6 months is still pretty long. they were both signed quietly as well, and haven’t had any special trainee projects or debut notices or anything like that, they’ve simply had their training as private trainees and that’s been it. i’ve never complained about that, because i get that others have been here longer than me, are more deserving of the spotlight, or sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles. i had a third muse before suho that was taking even longer to get anything. she had an audition with kt that failed, that’s about it, and i had had her for a pretty long time (rip rkyukji i miss you terribly but your true fc is dead and reubvleiwubds i just can’t play you cause of it otherwise you’d still be here kicking ass and taking names). now, she didn’t get scouted with chococon and i did complain about that, but in retrospect i realized her charisma was way too low to be street casted hence why i made suho with his insane charisma level and percentage.

CHARISMA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL, ROOKIES TAUGHT ME THIS, IT’S THE ONLY REASON SUHO WON AND IF YOUR MUSE HAS LOW CHARISMA YOU BETTER FIX THAT OR YOU’LL BE WAITING AGES AND AGES TO GET SCOUTED AND ONLY KT WILL TAKE YOU. LITERALLY LEARNED THAT ON YUKJI AFTER READING AN OLD POST ABOUT WHICH SKILLS EACH COMPANY SCOUTS. 

anyways, suho doing well on the mgas and winning was the very first time any of my muses had ever been in some kind of spotlight, really. for the first time ever i was genuinely being rewarded, and everyone was just shitting all over it. had yooa or hugo gotten something special i probably wouldn’t have cared that the netizens were always like ‘idk why suho is special, what’s with this junmyeon guy, he aint even talented, he’s not that good looking, etc.’ but because it was the first time something special was being done for me as a mun here, i took it to heart. it was like i wasn’t allowed to enjoy it, because someone else’s muse wasn’t the one in the spotlight. i still remember waiting up until 5am to see who the winner was, and when it came down to suho and haknyeon the tlist blew up with support and rooting for haknyeon, and then when suho was announced the winner? dead silence. i had never felt so hated within this roleplay before, and i felt the need to say sorry for him winning. bianca worked very hard to give all of us, and me, a very special experience, and all i could feel was remorse and regret by the end of it, which i’m sure wasn’t her intention. carly mentioned not understanding why i thought everyone hated suho - this is why. the moment one of my muses had some kind of attention or spotlight, people were mad, upset, whatever. it... really sucked. i feel really anxious and nervous whenever i mention his mga win in a thread now cause i’m worried i’m upsetting someone with it. i still have to work on this, but hopefully i become resilient to this too. i’m sure, if and when yooa or hugo becomes public or debuts, that the netizens will have things to say about them as well, and i just have to be prepared for it to be bad. people will be petty, they’ll be mean, it’s just how life is sometimes. all i can do is correct my own ways and try to build up a thick skin to it.

rookies has taught me dedication. a bitch has done her trainee replies and evals on all three muses every single week since each other has been signed. that’s right, i do fucking 6+ replies a week, every week. that’s sort of unheard of (except for kyle lol) and it’s shown me my unhealthy level of perfectionist tendencies i have, haha. my non-trainee threads have really fallen to the wayside, which sucks and i need to fix that, but after i’m done all of my trainee replies i’m just so tired. i’ll work on it, i promise, but a bitch is tired she does her replies every week cause she won’t be able to sleep if she misses an opportunity for an achievement she wants. i have goal pages set up on each muse that shows which achievements and what levels i want for them. i update them with my point pages every week, and boi there’s a LOT on there that i want to do. missing a week? it makes me panic because that’s another week on top of everything that i’ll need to get my muses where i want them. the fact that suho is so chillaxed about his training and debuting helps so much because my perfectionist ways reflect in yooa and she will literally murder me if i miss a week on her. i also started an rkresource thing (that i desperately need to update) and even though the mods probably have their own version of it i still kind of like seeing where everyone is at. i’ve got some competitiveness in my personality so part of me really wants to see my muses raise in rank in some areas. it kind of keeps me motivated? and i hope that it does for other people as well, haha. it’s not pinned to my twitter anymore but i think someone posted a link to it in the rkresource tag so! its the leaderboard doc. i also update my points every week cause i need to know where my muses are at, which apparently is also really rare? not even kyle does that lol but i know if i leave it i’ll get lost and mess up the tracking so it’s really just for my own sake of being bad with numbers. i lowkey add everything up now and then to make sure i’m on the right track. 

rookies has taught me how to keep muse. yooa is my longest running muse by far. not many know this, since i’ve been around nearly two years now, but i’m actually notorious for getting bored and losing interest in a muse. i’ve had a lot of muses in my time, more than 100, or even 200 at this point. they always sort of completed their story though, and i’d get so bored on them that i’d go inactive or drop them. these muses in rookies have goals, purposes, aims, and they don’t die. yooa is such a strong muse, as is hugo (suho is eh tbh but he’s there), and i know there’s still so much more for her to do and accomplish, so many paths to explore, and i deeply thank rookies for giving me a place where i can have two whole muses who refuse to die no matter what. that’s such a rarity for me, so thank you rookies. you’ve given me two very precious muses that i love with all my heart. no matter what happens ooc with other muns or even the mods, my love for these two muses keeps me from leaving and dropping, i could never do it.

rookies has taught me loving friendships. i have met some very special people here. they are few, honestly, but they are gems and i would never have known them without rookies. the person who has impacted me the most, honestly, is clara @rkwendy / @rkjohnny. this girl, i don’t think you guys realize how beautiful of a person she is. we aren’t best friends, but we’re close. clara has listened to me bitch, both about real life and things within rookies, even people she cares about, and she has not left my side or held anything against me. there are so few people in this world that could do that. she didn’t even push me to like anyone she liked, she let me realize my faults and errors on my own and she was supportive and proud when i realized them and voiced that to her. i try my best to be there for her as well, but i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be there for her the way she has for me. i’ve got an extremely beautiful ship with her as well, that i hold near and dear to my heart, because as mentioned before i get bored easily, so doing slow burn ships has never been my forte, but wendy is just such a beautiful, layered, intriguing masterpiece of a muse that hugo and i fell completely in love and have been hooked ever since a year ago when the burn first started. it doesn’t matter how fast or slow the replies come, the muse is still there and strong for the ship and i am so thankful to her for being an amazing writing partner. another friendship that has impacted me, and i dont think she even knows or realizes this, is rose @rklisa / @rkyeri / @jinsoulrk. we started out really rocky, and we had some issues that were a good chunk my doing. literally, i came at her over the pettiest, stupidest thing (and i realized she was even right to begin with lol i was such a dumb ass), and then there were things ic that i was taking to heart ooc and it became an ooc issue. i didn’t really handle that well either. the reason i’m mentioning this is because it taught me to see my own faults and own up to them, and even try to change them. if i hadn’t been dumb, rose and i would’ve probably started getting along a loooooong time ago, cause the ironic thing is she and i like a lot of the same groups and share a lot of the same opinions both on irl groups and songs, and ic and ooc rookies things. i’m very excited to be among the new gen royal girls with her and to hopefully have our muses (WHO ARE FINALLY GETTING ALONG! YAY!) debut together one day. that’s obviously way off since luxe debuted this year, but eventually it’ll happen, and i look forward to the queens of sexy concepts yooa and lisa owning the stage together. i’m not mentioning many people because i don’t think there’s a need to. i’m just singling out people who have impacted me and taught me things (minus the mods, that’s sort of their job when muns go astray. thank you carly @taeminrk, lol, you taught me a valuable lesson too when i came at you over something i shouldn’t have and i still regret that to this day. i appreciate you forgiving me for that.) i will also mention ani @rkmiya / @rkmin / @rksohee / @rkchungha because she helped me through a really tough time when i was triggered (unintentionally) by someone in a group chat. we bonded a lot through that, and she’s been there to listen to me rant and complain ever since, haha. she also made me feel very welcome when hugo first joined nova, she hyped me so much and it meant the world to me because it made me feel like people were excited to have me around and to roleplay with me. i had heard horror stories about nova so i was really scared when i decided to have hugo sign. i was tweeting out ‘anything but nova’ during that whole thing but then he got nova and i wanted to cry, die, and pee myself at the same time. i ended up deciding to go for it (it’s only TWO YEARS LOL) and it ended up being the best decision ever. i started off on the right foot though and that’s all thanks to ani. i owe her big time for that. lastly, i’ll mention nic @rknahee / @rkjei / @rkobon. why, you ask? because she has restored my faith in people being trustworthy. especially recently, rookies was teaching me not to trust people. i’ve been very vocal about not being okay as of late, but people kept taking me for granted and just doing whatever they wanted and expecting me to still be there at the end of it no matter what they did. it’s been getting really tiresome and annoying, especially when those people get shocked and upset when i finally put my foot down and express my hurt. nic has taught me that there are people out there who genuinely care and will be there, and can be trusted. she’s gone through similar things to me with other muns, so maybe we’re both just jaded and tired and we can’t be bothered and that’s why we get along so well and trust each other so much. there are days where i wish i could take all of her pain and just put it on myself so she can smile and be happy and not worry about anything. she’s a genuine sweetheart and whoever comes for her will feel my wrath!!! i love her a lot, and always will <3 there are some people i’ve known since before rookies who are still my good friends now. lyn @rkxsnn / @rkavery (your damn urls i swear to god), jen @yujurk, and stef @rkohsehun, don’t think i forgot you guys. i love you to the moon and back. lyn is my ride or die, soulmate, best friend. jen is someone who reteaches me the value of not giving a shit all the time. stef is my fucking wIFE and i will mURDER for her. y’all are great, mwah, i love you <3

[[ amendment! i can’t believe i didn’t mention kyle @haseulrk / @seulgirk / @rksejeong. probs cause you’re a mod too and i was trying to stay away from that cause i don’t want to seem kiss ass LOL but you’ve been a wonderful friend that has taught me it’s okay to rely on people sometimes. i want you to know you can always rely on me too, whenever you need it. you’re a candle in the darkness, with you there will always be light <3 ]]

rookies taught me anxiety. aight, now here’s some of the nasty negative stuff i was talking about. rp in general has given me anxiety, something i never had or experienced before it. rookies festers it a lot, sometimes to an unhealthy point. i can’t help it, rookies is part of me now, i’ve invested so much time and effort into this place, so i can’t leave, even when the place is literally affecting my health. it sucks when i need an escape from all the bs happening in real life, and then i come here and it’s just more stress and hurt, and that’s when the anxiety rolls in cause then i no longer have a safe space. that’s just not the point of rookies, and i doubt the mods want that to be the case for anyone. it’s just tough when there are people i know i won’t ever get along with here, people i know who don’t like me for whatever reason (and still hold a grudge to this day even though they talk about how people shouldn’t hold grudges) or stuff like what happened with suho in the mgas happens, and i can’t do anything about it. mods can only do so much too. i kind of just expect people to not like me at this point? and i worry myself into a place where i feel like the whole world is against me. it’s super unhealthy, but honestly i don’t know how to fix it, it is what it is. it’s a part of me and my rookies experience, and it probably always will be, so like a lot of other stuff i just have to accept it. there are muns that i’m trying to get on better terms with and i hope i get good outcomes like i did with rose (she made the first step though i don’t take credit for that). for some of them, though, it’s very clear there’s just no reconciling, or their personality will just always clash with mine and there’s nothing to be done about it. all i can do is stay civil and keep striving for better outcomes. and i gotta remember to breathe. 

rookies has taught me clarity. i’m way better at seeing where i’m going wrong now. within the past year i notice that when i’m upset i’ll go and bitch in a safe space, or at least what i think is a safe space, but when that person i bitched about bitches about ME and it gets back to me i’m upset about it. kind of hypocritical, and i realized it. so i don’t hold grudges or confront or anything. everyone gets annoyed with people whether they’re close or not, and bitching about them sometimes doesn’t mean we hate them or they hate us. we just gotta VENT sometimes, you know? in retrospect i know i’ve come off as two-faced in some situations, but i’ve learned my personality really well and i know that if i want to tackle a situation with a level head and clarity, i need to blow off the steam out loud elsewhere first. i need to yell to someone who is impartial and won’t lecture me so i can get that off my chest, then go to the person in question and be calm when talking things out with them. in the moment clarity and level-headedness is slowly but surely starting to come as a result of this, and it’s mostly been situations in rookies that has taught me this. 

i keep rambling on and on, this post has been super huge haha, but i guess the main point i’m making is that rookies has taught me a lot of self growth. am i perfect? nope, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my dear mother, i don’t want to be perfect, i have flaws and i like them, but i also am proud of the person i am becoming. if you hate me or dislike me, that’s perfectly fine, if you like me or love me, that’s fine too. if you’re indifferent, great! lol. rookies has taught me to accept all of it. it’s kind of sucky that rookies has taught me to just accept all the bullshit in life, but in a setting like this it’s hard to escape all of our flaws being concentrated and emphasized here. muses are a part of us and it gets pretty sensitive. having everything so concentrated and intense here, though, has taught me to be more resilient and accepting, and i get to apply that to real life. it’s also made me pessimistic, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my asshole brother (who is super slytherin and waayyyy more optimistic than i am, and i’m a freaking gryffindor and pessimistic af, who is the real set of good guys rowling? i’m also a ravenclaw though so maybe that’s got something to do with it lol) that makes me dead wrong and i need to look into that, cause everyone inherently wants to do good. i wish i could see things like my brother lol but i’m jaded. one more thing to work on? maybe next year i’ll be more optimistic. if you’ve read all of this, holy hell go get a life friend, but thanks! let’s chat and plot sometime, because we all know rookies aint going anywhere~

sincerely, roe

@rkyooa / @rkhugo / @suhork

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 10

‘less weird hairs,’ pics of me, real life questions, seasons thoughts, kpop stuff, ‘are you a boy’ erhdfnv, tutorial questions, edits, ‘safe’ cc, and umm yeah never go camping in the actual woods ok

Anonymous said: Can you do Less weird hair? I Like how good Mesh You make but all styles look Really Weird I never Would use them. I just want Usual hair? Thanks you            

Firstly, thank you for the meshing compliment, but tbh I think I make pretty simple hair styles? Like I don’t do many crazy things especially recently? Idk, I hope you like some of my hairs and can find something that fits in your liking :/

Anonymous said: Hi I really love you content and I was wondering if you’d ever do a “goddess locs” hairstyle?            

Ok I am gonna be super straight forward about this, making hairstyles like this is really challenging for me. I have tried a ton of times and I just can’t get the meshes to work out the way I like. UV mapping is a pain in the ass, making the hairline match well, and making sure none of the mesh strands are broken is next to impossible for me. Most creators that make hairstyles like this do them from scratch or spend a long time working on them for them to look right. I’m not saying ‘no’ because I am going to try to play around with some seasons meshes (I have hair ideas) but no promises :(

Anonymous said: BLACKPINK COMEBACK

i know omg jennie snapped, I wasn’t planning on buying the physical album but I ended up caving in and getting the pink versions ;-; I hope I get Jennie or Lisa photocards

Anonymous said: i know your theme is by gukthemes, but what is it called?            

PAPILLON by GUKTHEMES

Anonymous said: Are you ever gonna do a face reveal?

I have posted a pic of myself before in one of these ask posts, here are three more from the past few months :P

Anonymous said: Fav kpop group(s)???            

1). LOONA (bias Kim Lip) 2). BLACKPINK (bias Jennie) 3). RED VELVET (bias Joy) 4). CLC (bias Yeeun) 5). DREAMCATCHER (idk their names but the rapper)

Anonymous said: You play pokemon go still?

Yes! I collected cards/figures growing up and watched the show before school every morning. I’m not a ‘game’ fan but the mobile app is fun. Actually I played the Wii U Pokemon tournament game but it was boring so :/

Anonymous said: are you going to buy seasons? do you think it is worth it?

I got it from CDkeys for $25 lmao, so yes :P I can’t run the live mode so I kind of am just getting it for the new CAS assets :/ but I think the pack looks really good. Everyone always says ‘it looks like the best EP so far’ every time something new comes out so I’m not gonna say that but we will see :D

Anonymous said: whats ur skin blend called?            

Fruitpunch! You can get it here

Anonymous said: when are you going to be done camping?

I am back home now lmao I assume you sent this when I posted about not having service there :P but I was camping for 3 days? I know it was 2 nights at least refdbv also omg some camping stories:

► I didn’t have my voice for the entire trip bc I got sick with laryngitis, and now koby (the guy i shared a tent with) has it too erfdbvc

► It was blazing hot like omg I was dying, there werent showers, bathrooms, anything with AC. The tents were boiling hot, the ground fucking hurt, and it was just hell ok this isnt even a story I just need to complain.

► There was a racoon family outside the tents the first night, and we thought it was a bear bc we were literally in the middle of the woods, like it wasn’t a campsite with other people, it was the forest ;-; anyways we were legit so freaked out and up for 2 hours just listening to them walk around the tents and god it was so scary rfbdv

► As I said, I had no service so I missed the larvitar community day in pokemon go -_-

► I suck at cornhole so I was the cheer leader for a team UwU

► A deer jumped out right in front of the fucking car like RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT omg we were so close to hitting it like... it was fucking scary

► We went walking on a trail that was down a mountain and once we got down we discovered that the chairlift up was CLOSED so we had to walk back up and it was a nightmare bc we had all just drove like 30 minutes to shower in crappy no pressure no heat showers and we were all sweaty again by the time we got back to the top ;-;

dont go camping

Anonymous said: Your last edit creeps me out.

LMAO why? It isnt meant to be sexual or scary?  

@achinghearts88 said: I really love Sims 4 cc but I constantly struggle with finding safe sites and have accidentally downloaded a virus trying to get cc before so I'm kinda frightened now. What advice do you have for getting safe cc? Thanks!

Hello! I use an adfly skipper + adblock, and if both of those don’t work then I just don’t download the cc. For some creators (nolan-sims, simduction, isjao, ivo-sims, and others) I will turn them off because I know these creators aren’t ones that use the sketchy adfly stuff, but for others that I don’t know well I leave it on. I use: U Block origin and adfly skipper (both on firefox)

Anonymous said: I couldn't find a "contact me" thing but your AHarris00Britney has a broken mesh I think.            

??? idk what this means im sorry ;-; what hair are you referring to?

Anonymous said: an amazing creator and a loona fan???? i stan            

My mind... your mind... our mind..

@chocooosims said: hey, I love your cc, you are such a good creator! :) I'm not sure if someone already ask you that, but have you ever considered making a tutorial where you show us how you create maxis match hair? I mean, I know that I can already find on Internet  tutorials about frankenmeshing hair. But the thing is that you are one of the only creator who do more than simply merge 2 EA's hair together. So, I would really love to see a tutorial of how you are creating your cc! :) Thx for your time!! 

I am making a BIG tutorial right now of me making a hair from start-finish and it is around 3 hours not speed up. My guardian angel is going to edit it for me tonight and then I will try to have it posted next week sometime

Anonymous said: what university are you going to?

Radford :D it is in Virginia

Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know you're a king           

thank you lmao I wish it were true, stan loona or be beheaded

Anonymous said: r u a guy or girl or non binary etc. also are you lgbtq+ at all? not to judge, just wondering :)

uuh, I’m a gay guy lmao idk about all the other terms like cis/bianary ;-; i like the anatomy exclusive to the male body

edit: rip so someone messaged me asking what I meant by “anatomy exclusive to the male body” and I was like ?? bc I meant i like d**k, and i explained that i didn't like using cuss words on my blog bc my account got shut down/deleted/reported last year and was completely gone for two days while I emailed my butt off to get it back. Also, I was trying to be funny by sounding proper and using big terms like anatomy/exclusive instead of just saying “i like penis” bc that just isnt as fun to say imo. My anatomy teacher never used words like v*gina/p*nis and would say stuff like that, and I always found it funny and I guess that was another reason I worded it that way. Anyways if you think I was being transphobic, I apologize. I hope you don’t think that I am transphobic bc of that? If you want to message me and talk to me about how I can word stuff better then I am around 24/7 mostly, but I’m not going to fight with anyone who is just looking to argue because that is childish. I am sorry to those that got offended but I got one message about this so if something like this happens, message me like this person and ask what I meant so that it isn’t blown out of proportion. Again, I did not think that it would be taken that way and I am sorry if you felt that I was making fun of a trans person. <3

Anonymous said: What do you see in the corner of your room when you get sleep paralysis  (;            

James Charles with breasts on the beach and im not sharing this photo anymore it is demonic OK

Anonymous said: hi! i installed your non-default eye recolors but i'm having a glitch with them. my female sims lose their face in cas and it's just like an empty spot where the face should be. i have the default eyes installed too so i know it's not an issue with a missing mesh but i'm not sure how to fix it.            

Hello!! I don’t think this is my eyes because I’m not experiencing this glitch? Did you run a S4S batch fix over everything? I think that causes this glitch sometimes but I am unsure. Try repairing your game and if you have the “no EA eyelash” mod then redownload that and replace the old file.

@sephirajo said: I found your sims 4 mods and I love the hairs! They're so amazing and pretty.            

thank you so much!

Anonymous said: In your collab with wildpixel, I F**KING love the Ivy hair; do you have any recolours of it or any of the other hairs in the collab?

all the hairs in that pack are recolored in the anathema and sacharinne palette :) and I reblog all recolors of my cc over on @aharris00britneyrecolors

[cheguevaraismydaddy666]

i deleted instagram, deactivated my account, because i can't stand seeing everyone but me apparently doing just fine, spending the summer with their friends while i sit at home with my cat, smoking weed , not doing anything else. i don't really have any friends left. sure, i know people but that's not the same as having friends. i might kill myself this year. i know, i've wanted to kill myself since i was like.....11? but now i'm seriously considering it. idk.... i feel like i messed up too much already in this life. there are countless photos and videos of me being spread around, explicit photos and videos, i was never able to keep friends, my family (except my mom) doesn't talk to me anymore, i finished school now but i don't think my mental health will allow me to get a job or a higher education. not that there's any job i feel like doing. i've always wanted to go to college. study women's studies, classic literature, maybe history or psychology....but i don't think i could ever handle the stress of being a college student. also i have a very addictive personality. there's 5 drugs that i, at some point in my life, developed an addiction to. i only really smoke weed now, but who's to say that i won't get sucked down into addiction in the future again? my bpd got a lot better with dbt, but i'll still suffer from the symptoms for the rest of my life. the unstable self image, the mood swings, the self hatred, the rage, the self destructive urges, the need for attention.....etc.....it's EXHAUSTING. my anxiety is still killing me, preventing me from fully living my life. i hate the way i look, i'm prone to disordered eating. i'm also really whiny and annoying, not many people can stand to be around me for too long.... as far as i can see, my quality of life isn't really good. and i also don't think that could EVER change. i'm tired of spending every day fighting for my sanity. i just wanna be fine. and i hate how there seem to be two different people inside of me, one who hates my guts and wants me to get worse, and one who wants me to get better, who also happens to kind of hate me. it's a constant battle between wanting to destroy myself and wanting to improve. and no matter who is winning, i always know it's no use. i am me. that is my curse. i'll try to have a good summer. i'll try to read as many books from my tbr as i can. i'll try to trip as much as i can. i'll try to spend my last months purely doing things i enjoy doing. and then i'll leave. it just feels right. i don't wanna wait until i'm old. i won't get better. my life won't be what i want it to. ever. and it's just gonna be sad, the older i get. no more teenage angst anymore. just a pathetic, lonely old lady. no. i won't let it end this way. i feel incredibly guilty already. my mom won't recover from that too soon. but it's for the best. i can't go on for decades, with my memories, my body, my mind.....it's too much to handle.

[callmemrscurtis]

Headcannons for the boys when Netflix started trending

I’m gonna rant real quick idk wtf happened but apparently this didn’t post last night so Here It Is Now

Darry:
-I think we all know it took some persuasion from Pony to invest in an account but after a while he gave in and got the up to four screens at a time pack

-Was highkey pissed when all the boys started freeloading off of it

-He’s all comfy in bed at like 9:30 getting ready to watch OISNB and he gets the message on his tv telling him that too many people are watching at once -He checks who’s using HIS account

-He picks up his old ass phone (idk but it’s pink and has the coiled wire the bell phones)

-“GOD DAMN IT, STEVE! I JUST WANTED TO WATCH ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IN PEACE AND I GET MY SNACK READY JUST FOR ME TO SEE YOU’RE PLAYING THREE DIFFERENT THINGS AT ONCE?”

- He’s all causal eating popcorn “Listen, Darry. They just put Moana as an option and then I saw that they have Finding Dory too and I don’t have time to watch them separately so-”

-“STEVE!”

-“PS Baby Dory is a-dor-a-ble. Totally deserved more screen time.”

-“STEVEN RANDLE!“

-“Although…I do like Ellen Degeneres’ performance…I find it quite modern and realistic.”

-“JUST TURN ONE OFF SO I CAN WATCH MY SHOW. IVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY, PLEASE. IM NOT GOING TO WORK JUST TO PAY FOR YOU TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY FIX OF CRAZY EYES!”

-“Dar, chill it’s like, what? Twelve dollars a month” 
-“eleven ninety-nine.”

- “Wait…why are you watching Orange is the New Black?”

-“you know what…forget it. ENJOY YOUR FREELOADING!” He slams the phone so quick. He doesn’t ask about the last show

-Darry hates Piper, thinks she’s a total bitch

-He watches all the trending shows or the unpopular documentaries there’s no in between

-He’s a HuGe fan of Stranger Things

-Watches Friday Night Lights thinking it’ll remind him of his high school days

-He threatens to cancel the subscription when the boys piss him off

-it’s such a powerful threat that it has never gotten to the point where he actually had to do it, they cut the shit immediately

-legitimately how he gets the boys to get their shit together

Ponyboy:
-He convinced Darry by telling him that it would cost less than going to the movies all the time and a lot safer

-He’s the one constantly reminding everyone that it’s illegal to use their account because they’re cheating the company

-They all look at other with serious faces then turn back to Pony and laugh their asses off because the law has never stopped them before

-It makes Johnny feel bad but he needs his daily fix of One Tree Hill so he got over it

-The one watching The Great British Baking Show because the American version isn’t there but he finds the accents soothing

-He gets frustrated because he’ll think he knows what they’re making but it’s just a word used America that turns out to be a different thing in the U.K. (Stuff like Biscuits)

-tbh doesn’t know what they’re talking about half the time…that or has never heard of what they’re making in his entire young life

-He has the masked icon as his “who’s watching” profile picture

-He somehow managed to convince Darry to get the four screen plan but it was never so that the other guys could use too it was just because he wanted the higher HD quality they didn’t offer in the other plans

-If he watches something he’s ashamed of, knowing everyone has access to his history, he’ll go delete it

-Its like the My Little Pony marathons never happened

Sodapop: -The one who gave the rest of the gang the username and password

-Worst mistake ever because now Dallas has Darry’s credit card information

-He doesn’t watch a lot of Netflix he mostly only went to movies to make Pony happy he only really enjoyed a few

-His attention span is just too short he can’t sit still to watch a movie for an hour or two

-Despite that, he can binge shows if he wants to

-If he’s sad he’ll watch Clueless and quotes the shit out of it

-Honestly Soda is the type to watch anything from a kids movie to a documentary on GMO foods like he only uses Netflix when he has nothing else to do

-To him it’s just one of those apps you don’t want to delete because you might need it but you never really use it

-His icon is the penguin

-He wishes they had a blue penguin

-but they don’t so he settles for the orange one

-he’s called the company multiple times to complain he’s waiting for them to call back

Two-bit:
-Fought Pony the first couple of days

-“SERIOUSLY? YOU WANT TO TAKE UP A SCREEN SO THAT I CANT WATCH MY OWN NETFLIX BUT LAST WEEK YOU COULDNT TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES?? YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO STAY YOU COULD’VE WALKED AROUND THE MALL!!”

-“Listen, PoNyBoNeR. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY watches movies on Netflix it’s all about binging Baby Daddy, my friend.”

-“WEVE HAD THE ACCOUNT FOR A WEEK NOW YOURE SUDDENLY THE NETFLIX MASTER? WE HAVE SEVEN PEOPLE ON THIS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW!”

-He ignores that last comment and answers the question, “Yes. And I say movies suck.”

-“DUDE the reviews for Wonder Woman were crazy I wanted to see it.”

-“Yeah, like I want to spend my precious time watching a lil twerp watch a chick flick.”

-Truth is he already went to see it five times

-Actually watches every show out there but mostly comedies

-Rewatches Friends all the time

-He’s never actually watched a movie tho

-He’s like Soda he can’t sit still long enough

-He wouldn’t have a problem buying his own account if he had to but using The Curtis’ is much more fun

-He had the free trial for a month but he canceled his subscription when it was over like he does with every other free trial

Dally:
-Only uses the account to watch porn in good quality

-That’s literally it I’m serious he doesn’t care for tv shows or movies it doesn’t have any other use to him

-Well he’s waiting for a good investment to come along and then he’s swiping that credit card info so quick

-He doesn’t use it for show watching purposes but he does fuck around with profile names and changes the pictures to piss Soda off mostly

-He changes the penguin to the Panda and it is a problem because Soda likes penguins and Pandas just aren’t the same

Johnny: 
-He watches the trendy shows and movies sometimes

-He takes Pony’s recommendations to heart because Pony loves this kinda thing so he figures Pony must know what he’s talking about

-He really likes Once Upon A Time

-And Raising Hope

-And literally any show that surrounds a group of friends because he relates to them for obvious reasons

-Okay but Gossip Girl is his shit

-The last profile has his name on it but the rest of boys share it

-Obsessed with Riverdale

-Pony didn’t fight with Johnny about using Netflix because he would tag along to movies before they got an account


Steve:
-Always pushed Darry to sign up for Hulu instead because they update faster and it’s the same price for no commercials as the 4 screen plan

-Helps Dally mess up the names

-Shamelessly watches whatever he wants

-Toddlers and Tiaras? Sure.

-My Little Pony? Yep.

-Cupcakes Wars? Hell yeah!

-Just no OITNB because that shit gets too crazy for him (RIP Dylan)

-Watches New Girl like it’s his religion

- He watched Family Guy and American Dad in the actual order they came out except for the first few seasons bc the quality/art style sucked

- He’s the type of person who need need needs to have something to snack on while he’s watching a show

-like he’ll plan it out or just save his food until he watches his show

-Laughed at Pony for spending all his time watching movies but now he never leaves his house because he’s binging shows

-They had the same conversation as the one with Two except Steve watched Wonder Woman seven times and once was with Sodapop who made him swear not to tell Pony

-But he’s a bitch so he exposed him when Soda refused to admit that Rainbow Dash is better than Pinky Pie

-Pony flipped

-Then Two came forward and it was a huge mess


This is for @maxisprettygay and @matt-dillon-trash

IM STILL SO MAD LIKE WHY DIDNT IT POST?? But at least it’s going up now

[insecure-hbo-the-recaps]

hella disrespectful

REMINDER/ALERT: Tumblr has locked me out of my original account and from now on I will be posting from this address. PLEASE FOLLOW ME HERE. Do me the additional favor of unfollowing the previous account though I have not yet figured out how to get Tumblr to delete these accounts that I am no longer able to access but that will probably simplify things a little, idk.

Previously on Insecure: "I don't want your conversation - get in my line up;" "Woot-Woot's dead;" "This whole open thing sounds super messy;" "I can't believe Issa's still out here seeing this dude;" "Did you really just do that in my fucking face?"

Issa's in the crib getting some moral support from Molly and I just gotta say I got kinda a bone to pick here:

Issa ain't riding no bike! You know damn well Issa ain't riding no bike! If she were she wouldn't be so fucked up after getting her car smashed. My ex lost a bunch of weight randomly biking all the time and I would get so worried about him biking in subzero temperatures. Getting worried about a partner was new to me, btw. I realized I never worried about it possibly happening that someone I was dating would die lol, like while I was dating him. He'd drop me off and I'd ask him to text me when he got home and if he didn't I'd wake up in the morning seriously thinking "omg what if he got in an accident and died last night?"

Molly is on Issa's team regarding the "surprise" facial. She wants Daniel to be fucked up on sight. Where is Molly? This room looks old fashioned and kitschy as fuck, and the headboard is different from the one she has at home. Issa doesn't want to see Daniel again, but that's not a problem for Molly, who wants to BRRRRR-TATTTT on Daniel with a water gun full of raw eggs.

Issa's pain is deeper though - she was trying to show Daniel that he was special to her and he embarrassed her. To be honest I am still having a hard time getting on the same page with Issa and her deeply insulted reaction to Daniel's surprise facial. On the other hand - I had that happen to me once and I literally never spoke to the guy again. Like in Issa's case, I assumed he did it on purpose... buuuuut, me and that guy kind of hated each other so it made sense. I guess I'm having a hard time relating to why Daniel would have done it and as such why Issa's so offended. It's a little contrived, I think, is what I'm saying. I repeat: a good dude wouldn't do this to you. So either Daniel is a good dude, or he's exposed that he's not. Accidental unwanted facials aren't a thing.

Molly is being a good friend, validating Issa's feelings, and ranting about how men watch too much porn and think that shit's ok. Molly possibly had an ulterior motive, because being in a safe space she feels ok to tell Issa she's still seeing Dro. "I thought that was a one and done?" Issa asks. "It's more like a seventeen and not stopping no time soon," Molly says, and SIGH. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS MOLLY? IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA. Why would she even want this? Aren't some men just generally off limits? Dro seems like the kind of guy, with the kind of history, that should just be not an option (particularly considering he's married). Issa still isn't buying that anyone, especially Molly, benefits from this alleged open relationship, which Molly is offended by. They are telling each other hard truths, softened by years of honest friendship, and although they aren't on the same page, they agree to love each other through the stupidity.

Yaaaas, bitch. Issa' still on the bus. She spots the latino kid again, who removes his backpack and Entemann's donuts to give her the seat. When he pulls out a PSAT prep, Issa sees an opening and tries to chat him up about the teacherly and tutorly pursuits her job offers. Surprisingly to both Issa, and the audience I think, the kid says he tried to go but was told by Mr. Gates that the program was full. Issa finally appears troubled by this now that she is confronted by someone she sort of deliberately left behind.

Lawrence Tech Start up. Lawrence is wearing a Santa Claus/footie pajama red thermal and it looks crazy. Colin the Clueless White Guy sidles up to him (in an equally ridiculous printed button up - buttoned all the way to the top naturally) and burgundy pants and makes small talk while Lawrence pours himself a coffee. Colin is all in Lawrence's business for no reason in a gotcha conversation that just serves to prove Lawrence and Arpant have been kicking on the side and trying to hide it at work. Cliffs notes they suck at it and their coworkers have sniffed them out.

Molly is riding around somewhere with Quintin in his wood grain Lexus. He brought her popcorn from Garrett's and while I appreciate the shoutout I've literally never heard of such a thing as RANCH in Garrett's - like - what? It's cheddar and caramel. Stick to the script. Don't try to be new and exciting. You tell someone in Chicago Garrett's is doing ranch popcorn and they will look at you wondering who lied to you. (Note to self: get some Garrett's for the first time since high school.) Molly tries it and is hooked. Quintin asks about Molly's "white boy" meeting: apparently she is going to shoot her shot and ask for the raise. Quintin says he's going to be in LA soon and asks Molly to show him around. Molly: a beat passes before she goes "mm, ok," because she understands the pass he has made at her.

SILICON VALLEY IS SO MILLENNIAL AND COOL. Lawrence is looking for Arpana to make amends for blowing their spot. Arpana does that thing of being possibly offended at keeping things a secret WHILE playing standoffish at the implication that they are anything to be kept secret. Hmmm. Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if that works out for her. Lawrence confirms drink plans, Arpana teases him, blah blah.

At the office, Issa seeks out Frieda and asks to talk. Frieda isn't all that interested, but then Issa presents some research on how to increase latino enrollment at their school. Issa beams at her in approval because apparently they thought of the same plan. Frieda is relieved that she and Issa are back on friendly wavelengths again, and asks where Issa's change of mind came from. Issa acknowledges that she's been lost in herself and Frieda was right. It's a good apology and Frieda is cool with it.

Meanwhile at Molly's Dro shows up with a bag of groceries and Molly's keys. He asks her if she wants them back and she says no. MOLLY. WHY. I DON'T GET IT. There are literally billions of available partners for you. What the fuck is the draw of being emotionally open to A MARRIED MAN? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD OR WILL WORK OUT? If you're going to fuck a married man in an open relationship ok, I guess, do you even though it's a thing on its own. But why are you trying to give the motherfucker your keys to your apartment? Christ, Molly. Molly gives Dro her bag of popcorn - that Quintin gave her - which cheapens the rapport Quintin was trying to build in that she tried to transfer it to Dro. I don't get it, Molly, truly.

They change subjects to Derek's birthday party and Molly sours at the knowledge that Dro's wife will be coming. Goddamn that man is tall. Look at him. He's like a basketball player.

ISsa gets a text from Tiffany who wants to know if it's cool that Lawrence is coming to the party. Issa screenshots and sends to Molly who is also offended at Tiffany springing Lawrence out of nowhere. This prompts Issa to check Lawrence's facebook, where she learns he has blocked her. She is really pissed about Lawrence taking their five year relationship to the brink of actually blocking her on facebook, resulting in another angry mirror rap. But she plays it off to Molly.

Law firm. Molly is sitting in front of a panel of three general pale men, pleading her case. She is cool and confident, all Law of Attractioning that she's going to receive the value she deserves. She parries their comebacks with all the agility of Serena. The partners agree with her, but are a bunch of stingy bastards that want to put her off as long as they are able to - they agree with her pitch and simply offer that it will be taken into consideration at her yearly review. And ain't that some bullshit? The idea of wielding that kind of bias because you understand you are bartering with someone that may not have the collateral to be as competetive as she could be. Stupid generic white boy Travis that is already making significantly more than Molly could walk into this meeting and be a threat if he suggested he'd leave because he isn't being paid fairly. When you're a black woman - what's she gonna do? Quit? She should be grateful she has the clout of such an establishment lended to her. Yadda yadda yadda, BULLSHIT.

At the school, Issa has not only decided what has been happening with their program is wrong, she decides she has to confront Principal Gates with it. She tells him they are discriminating and he asks what the problem is being the program is full - "now you're coming up to me with some 'All Lives Matter'?" Ouch. Frieda tries to step in and Gates looks at her, offended. Issa tells him that the latino students are being turned away and it isn't far. Gates again plays the "your tone is offensive/it's not that big a deal/calm down" argument and literally laughs in her face and walks away.

Lawrence forgot about Derek's party and wants to switch drinks with Arpana from 7 to 10. Yeah, no, Lawrence. He tells her his ex would be there and for some reason Arpana offers to go. That's a little messy. Like, have drinks the next day. Why insert yourself?

Back at Issa's, she's wearing a crazy dress getting ready to go to the party and Daniel calls. He wants to apologize and move on but Issa is still mad. She offers vulnerability and asks why he'd do that to her of all people. Daniel seems contrite enough as he asks for forgiveness - even tacking on a "please," and Issa visibly softens. She tells him she hates him which of course is female for "I love you."

Issa asks why their thing is always messy and Daniel, overestimating the strength of their reconciliation, offers that now they're even; he equates what he did to squaring things after Issa dogged him at the charity event last year. And honestly.... I mean, i won't ever condone an unwanted facial, but Issa did get off the hook pretty scott free for telling Daniel he was just an itch she had to scratch and don't tell her boyfriend because their shit was nothing comparatively. Like, Issa had to have known that was scoring points on him too. So, I'm gonna call this a wash. Issa is mad all over again that Daniel intentionally humiliated her, calls him disrespectful and petty, and tells him not to ever call her again. She stomps to her brother's car pissed off, who is apparently accompanying her to the party tonight.

At Derek's party, Kelli brought that random ass dude she met the other night - and good for her. Relationships can start just as well from the club as anywhere else - and for some reason Molly is wearing a black dress with random red armbands attached. And Tiffany is so fucking extra bougie as usual, like, she is simply not a sympathetic character. I can't with her Lori Greiner blonde wig and gratuitous bragging about how much she loves her man. How is anyone friends with her?

Anyway there is a random aside about how Kelli thought "Sweetie" was just going to be some strange, but she's meeting his parents at the mosque next week. Okey dokey. Dro shows up with his wife. While she's getting a drink he takes a moment to compliment Molly in Spanish. Remember Eric Jerome Dickey on Black People in California and how you could tell a black woman was upwardly mobile if she was fluent in spanish? (I have a friend who works in IR who once commented offhandedly that you only need to know spanish to liaise with poor people, and if you want to mingle with the wealthy you need to know French and/or Chinese. At the time I thought it was horribly offensive but now I know she was right.) Candace is awkward around Molly which does suggest she is aware and knows that her open marriage has led to her husband sleeping with this woman. Also this is apparently Dro's favorite dress which explains that, I suppose. Candace is wear a feathered burgundy cape, affixed to her shoulders with, apparently, double sided tape. I repeat: okey dokey.

Oh damn. That space is nice:

Tiffany signals for an extra toast, clinging the glass with a knife, to announce dinner is served. She makes Molly move from the seat she chose, putting her awkwardly seated at the head of the table. Issa and her brother arrive, and he's such a good buffer. Issa makes note of Candace and checks in with Molly about it. "What's up with y'all?" her brother asks. "Nothing, I'm fine, she grown," Issa says in one breath.

Lawrence's ridiculous ass shows up - in a nice denim button up - trying to ignore everyone aghast at him bringing a random date to this friends only event. He claims he didn't know it would be a sit down event, and everyone awkwardly makes room to accommodate his guest. See? Extra. None of this needed to happen. Lawrence decides to address the elephant in the room and introduces Arpana, who makes a crack about knowing how awkward she's made things. Yeah, that doesn't work when you knew full well in advance the circumstances were going to be awkward. But everyone is adults and they try to laugh it off. Issa orders a whiskey.

Mid-dinner. They are having lovely pretentious cultural conversation. When Molly tries to chime in everyone ignores her. She feels very left out and alone. J from ABG asks Lawrence why he's there, basically, and has to be informed that they all know each other because Lawrence is Issa's ex. By the next cut of passage of time, Issa is drunk.

The dinner continues awkwardly: Tiffany is fucking annoying, Issa's brother is a bitchy gay, and Issa is poor. Nobody's showcasing their best self, I think. When the conversation shifts to Issa's building being sold, there is a moment of Lawrence openly pining about how he and Issa used to live together. When Tiffany makes a toast to "the Barack to her Michelle" - so extra - Issa drunkenly comments about Lawrence's random. Enough being enough, Issa walks out. Lawrence follows. Oh boy.

He lies that he wouldn't have brought Arpana if he knew Issa would be there. She calls him out as being full of shit and tells him she knows he's just parading that girl in front of their friends. Also, she knows that he blocked her. Lawrence admits it, because he couldn't "stand to see pictures of the nigga you fucked" while they were together. The fact that Issa wasn't the one who posted them - parading around someone in Lawrence's face as it were - and that he accuses her of still fucking Daniel, as if that's any of his business, is more than enough to clarify that Lawrence is in the wrong here. It's all about his hurt feelings and what Issa did to him or owes him; that she would still be wronging him to see someone else after they broke up. He's bullshit, basically.

When Issa doesn't refute this, Lawrence lets his insecure flag fly freely and asks who else she fucked while they were together. Issa's voice breaks as she asks whether he's serious, especially since he fucked her while he was dating his bank teller. "And being some fake music producer's jump off is better?" Lawrene spits back. And... jump off? Are we still saying that? Also, he's hitting way below the belt whereas Issa was not. This is something that I suppose is an inherent misogyny in the black community that frankly at this point is no longer normal to me and is almost unforgivably egregious. So at this point I don't blame Issa for hitting back that Daniel has "way more going on than Woot Woot."

They both know that Issa has hit him below the belt now too, so they both go for broke: Issa asks whether all this was worth her supporting him for two years while he was depressed, and Lawrence counters that it is worth about as much as all the time she "spent being a fuckin' ho." And, again. Maybe I'm too far removed. But I can't see having anything else to do with someone who showed up with, I'm sorry it has to be said, an exotical to your black friendship group, calling your ex girlfriend a ho, and stomping off in a petulant rage. You couldn't come back from that for me, but that's just me. If you want to make the argument that Issa cheating on Daniel is equivalent to Lawrence mooching off Issa and doing nothing with his life with two years (WHO WAS PAYING ALL THOSE LIFESTYLE BILLS, MOTHERFUCKER?) and trying to hurt her by flaunting a new relationship in her face, I may be biased, but I don't think there's much room for redemption there.

Back at the party, Molly follows Dro to the bathroom and he already knows where her head is. Molly admits she wasn't expecting not being able to see him with his wife, and how left out she feels knowing that he won't ever be that way with her. Being someone's dirty little secret isn't fun. Dro convinces her that they have something too, and she lets him fuck her on the bathroom sink. I hope I am never this desperate for affection. And I'm not being hard on Molly, really. But I think she's being very foolish with her emotions and it's hard for me to understand why she would put herself in this position, knowingly aware every step of the way that she's setting herself up for failure. Case in point: Dro asks her to wait for a moment and let him leave the bathroom first. Still, inexplicably, Molly is hurt by this. Girl, please. You wanna play that big girl's game, but on your big girl panties then. She steps out to find Issa waiting for the bathroom. Issa wordlessly straightens Molly's bangs and zips up her dress and Molly thanks her, for her nonjudgment.

Lawrence is driving Arpana back and she asks whether he still wants to get drinks. He doesn't answer.

Molly finally calls her mom back, and tells her she just needed some time. She asks why Mom stayed with Dad, and Mom replies that she just loves him. Apparently Molly is in the same headspace and asks how she deals with the hurt. I don't want to be redundant and point out that Molly's hurt is unreasonable, because on some level I do suppose that's insensitive. But, I just don't have any sympathy for this. We all do shitty things. But you can't ask me to feel bad for the consequences of your shitty things when you are fully aware what you are doing is harmful to you. If I'm doing something that hurts, I figure my options are to keep doing it and stop whining, or to stop fucking doing it. When she gets home, Molly responds to Dro's scheduling text that she can't do this anymore but we all know it rings hollow.

Issa comes home to a letter on her door informing her of her rent increase, and it's finally too much.

Her experimenting with ho-ness turned out to be a bigger blow to her self esteem than she could handle, and she's clearly stung behind Lawrence calling her a ho. That's what she was trying to do, right? But in reality it didn't work out so well. Her side pieces were not pliable enough, the one guy she was seeing relatively seriously compared to the others deliberately humiliated her, and her ex that she had partially built a life with devalued the time they spent by diminishing her as the thing she was afraid of being seen as - a tool, a joke, a ho. She kicks a chair then just lashes out entirely, breaking dishes, throwing tables, smashing furniture.