#and cant afford a therapist ✌🏼

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

Tumblr stop deleting the readmore. Let me rant in peace 😒

FUCK i am 🤏🏽 close to running away to live in the wilderness somewhere 😤

Every day I hate my job more and goddamn more but i have literally no other option but to just suck it up. My boss has NO boundaries and messages me at any time of the day or night or on weekends, and im expected to reply IMMEDIATELY no matter what. Even when i take “vacations” (which i dont) or when im sick (EVEN WITH COVID) im expected to meet deadlines regardless.

I do get to WFH so i get up at like 8-9 and just work in my pjs all day, and it is “creative writings” so im technically reading books every day. But theyre “male power fantasy” books that legitmately (no joke) make me want to step in front of cars on a daily basis. The audience for these books are every incel fucking idiot misogynist on reddit, so we write dummed down porn basically. And i have nothing against porn, but the fact that there cant be any other men in these books except the MC bc the readers are so insecure tell you everything you need to know 🙃 And every time my boss berates me for something stupid like “oh the women cant roll their eyes ever bc men dont like that” i just want to SCREAM 😤

Honestly if i was back in my home state, I would have quit already. But im out of state and basically living pay check to pay check on my sole income since my fiance isnt working while he finishes law school. I have like $20 left in my account every month after bills and expenses, so if i quit, i have literally NO safety net. I wouldnt have enough for one months rent or even have enough to move back home. Which makes me super fucking anxious like… all the time. When i first started getting jobs, I saved up and made sure I always had at least $1000 in case shit happens (and bc i grew up poor lol yay trauma) and now I dont have enough for a night of takeout.

To top it off, my cars been dead for like a year bc I dont have the money to re-register it or actually get it running, so Im just stuck in the house all day 🤗

And idk how to explain this constant money anxiety to my fiance bc he grew up rich and white and his parents still send him money for things every so often just cuz. But here i am, sending MY parents money sometimes even if I dont have it and staying up at night wondering how tf im gonna pay for my parents when my dad gets too old to do his contracting work. (Hes 60, with a shit ton of injuries, so prob soon). Im wondering if I can yank out my own IUD later this yr bc i dont have money to see a doctor. Im wondering what will happen if our dogs get sick or if we have an accident.

I know if any of this happens, ill figure something out. I always do. Im the eldest daughter, the “golden child,” I cant fail.

But fuck… sometimes i just get so tired of fighting. Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me…