#what my mind palace looks like
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just how can i protect your smile?
#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#ruikasa#AUUUUUGH.#this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism#putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009)#this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted#i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay#tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine#me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt#im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit.#emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me#Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here#im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked#i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it#but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH#wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg
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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
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invasive
bo sinclair x afab!reader
rating: explicit
wordcount: 941
Reader POV. Your dreams take you to different places, but you’re never too far out of reach.
EXTREMELY dubious consent as always. Mostly weird prose, but there’s some smut thrown in here as well. Somnophilia, cockwarming.
A/N: It’s been raining for nearly a week straight where I am. Every single day has been grey. This idea burrowed into my brain and now I’m inflicting it upon you. Similar vibes to poacher’s dream. I just...really wanted to write something that reminded me of the feeling I was trying to capture with that fic. Somnophilia’s been on my mind ever since I read this absolutely electric fic by our lord and savior, @visceravalentines. Definitely go read it if you haven’t already. It features a lovely man who is not at all like the one in this fic. We should all make out with him instead, probably. We won’t.
You’re lost in a quagmire of green, knee-deep in muck.
You’re running from something, but you aren’t sure what. You feel like it must be close. You can hear crashing, the sloshing of something at your heels. The water is dark here, it’s deep. You need to watch where you’re going, but you won’t. It feels familiar.
Maybe, if you push a little further, you’ll reach the edge of the marshland.
The trees crowd around each other, their bulbous trunks bursting out of thick green algae. It’s so dense here, impossibly heavy with warmth. It soaks through your clothes, bleeds under your skin. If someone sliced you open and cracked your bones apart, you’re sure you'd flare hot. Chalky white and exposed, scattering chunks of marrow over the swamp.
Things end up here when they have nowhere left to go. They get caught in the hanging moss and become part of the scenery.
You’ll make a mess of this place, but it won’t matter. There are animals here, bigger than you, and they’ve been waiting. You couldn’t ever run very fast. These kinds of games are about losing.
It wasn’t behind you, anyway. It caught your ankle underwater and pulled you down, tumbled you underneath its weight. You’re spinning wildly, rolling and churning, filling your lungs with water (but it’s so hot here, and you like that stuff).
It’ll play with its food until your neck snaps. Trailing blood in the water, dragging you back to a den squashed in the mangroves. A place of dead things, hobbled together out of reeds and a dozen people’s bones. You wonder if they sparked like yours, if they’re kindling too.
Your body is perched on top of a waterlogged tire and hid away until it starts to rot. It makes it easier to eat when it’s soft like that, when the botflies come. Practical things are sometimes the cruelest.
God, you’ve never been anywhere this hot.
You wake up with your face pressed into the pillow, huffing out shallow breaths. The room is bathed in pale light, milky grey with the faintest wash of blue.
The grey disorients you. There was so much light before. You blink a bit in the gloom. Water is still rushing away above you, beside you. It’s impossible to tell what time it is or how long you’ve been asleep. It feels like forever. You lived and you died long before you were spat out here.
Out of the heat of your dream, you’re surprised to feel your skin prickle with goosebumps. You must have thrown the sheets off in your sleep. The position you’re in feels unnatural, one leg hoisted away from you. It rests on something solid, something warmer than this room.
You feel so full (of water, of bugs in your belly eating away the soft tissue, of life).
Stop, look at the window. You’re not underwater. It’s raining, dripping tears down the glass. You’re awake again and the fullness is the pressure between your legs.
Bo’s hand cups at your breast, jiggling the flesh to test its weight in his palm. He catches your nipple between his fingers, tugs at it. When he rolls his hips, you let out a soft little noise, mouthing at the pillowcase. His cock pulses inside you, thick and warm.
He’s already so deep.
“Couldn’t help myself.” He murmurs into your ear. “Not with you movin’ round like that.”
His hand wraps around your thigh, easing you down. You let out a whine as you feel your walls stretch around him. He hisses out a breath, digging his fingers into your skin.
“You’re so wet, baby.” His voice is husky, the rasp of sleep still thick around his words. You can feel how slick you are, how easy it is for him to push in. “What were you dreamin’ ‘bout?”
“You.” You’re not lying, not exactly. He doesn’t need to know the specifics.
It’s the right answer, or, at least, the one he was expecting. You’re never really sure with him. It doesn’t matter, really. Your dream is getting away from you now, chased away by his hands and his lips and his cock. You were somewhere. He was there. You remember heat, you remember weight.
(Or maybe that’s all there is now and you’re getting things confused.)
“Thought you were tryin’ to kill me, baby.” He nips along your neck. You clench down around him, moaning into the pillow. “Asleep, squeezin’ me like that.”
Good, you almost say. If I wrap myself around you enough times, you can’t breathe. Neither can I, but I only need to do it once.
People get rid of snakes, throw them off into the swamp. They’re not supposed to be there. But this looks enough like their idea of home, doesn’t it? They’ll adapt or they’ll get eaten, and that’s all you could ask for.
His breath is warm on your skin. You reach back, your fingers curling into his hair.
“You ready to stop teasin’ me?”
(I couldn’t stomach you if I did. I’m not supposed to be here, anyway.)
You almost ask him if he had the same dream. Was it hard, waiting for the rot to set in? Waiting for softness? Did you taste better like that? Would he do it again if you asked him to? Could you return the favor?
Your hand tightens in his hair, giving it a sharp tug. His teeth are on your neck and it hurts in the way it’s supposed to hurt—scorching away inside you.
You’ve never been anywhere that hot, but maybe he has. Maybe he’ll take you there.
“Yes.”
#something something burmese pythons swallowing alligators whole in the everglades something something invasive species something something#house of wax#bo sinclair#bo sinclair x reader#slashers x reader#slasher fandom#x reader#my fics#I've been under a lot of work stress lately lmao and I've been having a lot of weird dreams#bingo bongo himself featured in two of them. for the first time ever surprisingly.#u would think w/the amount of space I give him in my mind palace I'd have dreamed of him already but nope#my brain summoning this hick like. BITCH!! shut tf up about work for two seconds and look @ this jdshjhfdjjhfdj#peanut brain PEANUT BRAIN this week#so it felt fitting to write somethin weird n dreamy (nightmarish) w/him. idk#it's the vibe on this accursed day#this is...............somethin. idk what. but it's somethin.
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rick becomes super into multiversal travel after prime introduces him to it, very hyperfocused on it and the opportunities it presents (like how the gotron episode establishes that rick can get carried away unless someone reels him in). diane might initially be supportive of this but as rick's appearances around the house become more shoddy, she gets fed up and they separate. after a much more complex deterioration of their relationship obviously rick considers this a win at the time, since he's now free to dick around and do whatever he wants, essentially adopts prime's life philosophy and hangs around him. him and prime would eventually have some sort of falling out, which leaves rick extremely bitter and annoyed. he ends up spending most of his life alone, still living by his pop nihilistic ideals because he thinks this is what he wants. eventually he'd still end up squatting in prime's dimension and realizes that he actually Prefers this family life. his infatuation with prime could develop into resentment when he realizes that he essentially robbed rick of a comfortable, idealistic life
#whatever. im crazy#and look im still incorporating parts of canon i like!!!#this is just. to me. would be a much more conclusive(?) approach to his character arc#hes given a choice between the entire universe and his family and he chooses the universe#and then hes given that choice again and he Chooses A Family this time#like idk. it would be so much more in line with whats been established of rick previously#like in the toxic ep where he considers morty an irrational attachment#idk maybe it would hit harder for a character who has constantly chosen loneliness?#for him to realize that hes attached but not being able to view it as anything other than a burden due to How He's Been Living#not to mention him being attached to prime in his younger years could help illustrate how he's always craved connection#does this make sense? whatever. im offering you a view into my sick and twisted mind palace#this is just my very self indulgent approach to an alternative rick backstory#not to mention c137 beth and diane could still exist as angst potential!!! what if rick went back to make amends!#or maybe even a solaricks situation where hes forced to confront the ugly past hes left behind right as he accepts a life with the smiths
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kieran and javier finding moments or even seconds of domestic bliss in canon pls
my friend i have scoured, deep sea dived, deep cleaned, poker all-inned and i have never once in my rdr2 career ever been able to find a positive interaction between them in canon. i didn’t think they even had ANY for the longest time until someone found one and its literally javier threatening kieran … which i would personally not categorize as “domestic bliss”. i think our best bet for canon content is crossing our fingers and praying that the ai for them in camp has them sit next to each other momentarily
#unless i misunderstood the ask#we javieran shippers are running on slim pickings#talk about rarepair 🤩 we’re on-par with the people who ship characters who have never actually even met in canon#i can make some times up though if you’d like🫶#like that time that arthur rejected javier’s invitation to go fishing and the way javi deflated gave kieran the courage to offer to go in hi#s stead. because javi looked like a wilted flower a wet cat a kicked puppy and kieran felt his chest hollow out and he could never live with#the guilt otherwise if he didn’t at least offer#or when javier plays his guitar next to the scout campfire a night a week so that kieran gets a front row seat (at the early stages of this#javi says its ‘just so he can practice away from prying ears’) (kieran believes him but still feels special and grateful to get to be The On#e who gets to hear and see what no one else is allowed to)#or when javier strained a listen from his tent when kieran was telling sean his life story#like literally if you walk over as arthur you can see javi looking over towards the campfire where they are (obvious lie)#or that time in clemens point where after they’d just got done with a fishing date the night prior that no one knows about#javi is fishing on the bank next to camp and kieran is leading the gangs horses to the lake for a drink#and they make eye contact#and giggle and giggle and giggle#did this help ??? welcome to my mind palace#i really hope i didn’t misunderstand ur ask💔#THANK YOU FOR SENDING ONE THPUGH TO GET AN ASK ABOUT JAVIERAN IS LIKE GOD PERSONALLY VOMING DOWN TO SAY HELLO YO ME#hello !!! and i’m waving back oh so happy#rdr2#text#idk if i should tag the characters#i’ll tag the ship for account organization#javieran#hero's yelling at folks again#(i think that’s my ask tag ?? i forgor)
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I think star trek tos should have aired an episode where bones does indeed have kissie marks all over his face. Like mickey mouse.
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a mirrored picture of my old man a plato fanmix [listen]
01. Little Shadow - yeah yeah yeahs | 02. Bitter Milk - ibi | 03. Such a Shame - talk talk | 04. Payback - jan hammer | 05. Deformative - black eyes | 06. A Chronicle of Early Failures - Part 1 - the dead texan | 07. Mis-Shapes - pulp | 08. Haunted (Instrumental) - radical face | 09. Disarm - the smashing pumpkins | 10. Smalltown Boy - bronski beat | 11. II. Largo assai ed espressivo (excerpt) from Piano Trio No. 4 in D Major, Op. 70, No. 1 "Ghost" - ludwig van beethovan | 12. My Eyes - the lumineers | 13. Vivaldi Variation (Arr. for Piano from Concerto for Strings in G Minor, RV 156) - florian christl | 14. Unwell - matchbox twenty | 15. Once Upon a Dream - invadable harmony | 16. I’ve Just Seen a Face (Acoustic Cover) - the moon loungers | 17. Memory of That Waltz - frozen silence | 18. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - the dream academy | 19. They Move on Tracks of Never Ending Light - this will destroy you | 20. Cambodia - Single Version - kim wilde | 21. "Happy End" (ハッピー・エンド) - yellow light orchestra | 22. Superstitious Feeling - harlequin | 23. Masquerade (Suite): 1. Waltz Excerpt - aram khachaturian, london symphony orchestra, stanley black | 24. The Family Jewels - marina | 25. The Nutcracker, “A Pine Forest In Winter” - pyotr illyich tchaikovsky, heribert beissel, bonn classcal philharmonic | 26. Seventeen Going Under - sam fender | 27. Serenade for Strings in E Major, “II. Tempo di valse” - anton dvorak, prague chamber orchestra, petr skvor | 28. Release - michael nesmith | 29. Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-Sharp Minor, “Moonlight” - ludwig van beethoven, brodsky quartet | 30. Race Among the Ruins - gordon lightfoot | 31. Pavane, Op. 50 - gabriel faure, sinfonieorchester basel, ivor bolten | 32. Man Made Lake - donovan woods | 33. Unflappable - vampire step-dad | 34. Keep Up The Fight - gowan
#Plato#fanmix#my fanmix#whoops#a lot of angst a little bit of rock and roll#alright context time because i never make any of this bs without context - plato is the son of macavity#plato's path to recovery isn't always the smoothest one#there are plenty of instrumentals on here because plato is mostly mute due to trauma#i have associated a mechanical sound with macavity so to *connect* plato with macavity#while showing that there is better-ness in him i associated a lot of 80s synth pop-ish type things#so it's partially mechanical but there is a rhythmic nature to it associating him with both sides#plato's time in the mouser's palace was spent mostly alone and starving until socrates showed up#plato did a big bad in self defense#they run run run#plato's mind place aint a great place to be for a long time - there are bad things in there#he feels big and awkward and out of place and he feels like other cats look at him#plato falls in love with victoria but is still stuck in his own head a lot - frightened of himself#what he could do#how he was always considered such a useless waste of space#relapse happens quite a few times - macavity still whispers through his kids sometimes#cambodia doesn't fully make sense in context but some of the lyrics and vibe are meant to imply a little of what victoria sees#(he doesn't leave or anything shh just pretend it's that little part)#eventually the instrumentals and musics start changing as plato becomes more comfortable in his own skin#the instruments changing reflect more of a classic jellicle feel - plato starts to fit in but slowly#he ends with another 80s synth vibe but these are positive - a willingness to be better#does that make any sense i feel like it doesn't#my idea of these characters exist in my mind palace
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#khr#katekyo hitman reborn#ryohei sasagawa#hayato gokudera#tyl#my art#idk what is going on here this is just what my mind palace looks like#they've been watching me sing nightcore this whole time
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I've been reading about xiangqi a bit and now I'm even more obsessed with that one video of Jing Yuan
#Obsessed with the fact they made a point of him not leaving the palace#Anyway I was rewatching this because I still find very amusing that you can see when he steals that piece from the board#Which is something that makes I think more sense considering the ways in which you can check and win in this game#It seems pretty fun actually I think I'll try. Maybe with this being different this time I'll be able to convince someone to play with me#No one wants to indulge me when it comes to chess and I don't like playing online#Hmm actually this game seems less unpleasant to play non physically based on aesthetics#With chess I always have to take out a physical board and it's sort of annoying. The pocket chess I carry around is not much better#Yes I think I'll give xiangqi a try. And look for good books about it and its evolution. I hope I find something#It's always so hard to find things worth reading about topics like these. Like with fencing. Still unsure about what I got about that#After rewatching the video again I have half a mind to make gifs to keep track of his moves. I just really find it very amusing#I love how the move and what is happening in the rest of the video work with what we see him do in the actual game#Personality wise yes but strategically#I think I actually rambled about this in a post a few days ago? Oh wait that was in my main blog I think#I don't know why I make sideblogs if I end up reblogging the posts in the main after all. I always do the same thing#I'll stop now but oh I am really so so fond of him. I think I could talk for hours haha#I talk too much#Jing Yuan#Right now it doesn't seem to appear in the general tag for me but I'll check in a bit again#I really don't know how to organise my rambles anymore with this feature#I miss the five tags thing#Now no matter how much I talk it seems the general tag will always find my posts
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the past few months or so I’ve been gaining a decent number of people suddenly following me and I feel like I just am in my room wildly drawing on the walls and hastily writing on napkins while talking to myself and people just keep waking in the room to stare at me 🧍♂️
#That’s not a complaint btw LOL I just mean I feel like I’m doing my own thing#Spinning around at max speed#And suddenly people want to come watch#What did u come here for I am literally finger painting#But ya ya I mean I post silly doodles and sometimes fanfiction and. Also just talk a lot#That’s what it looks like in My mind palace
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i poke fun at michael a lot for not hitting the fucking bricks but i do spin around thoughts about how he DID plan on exactly that and tried for about a few years probably— i still need to figure out where and settle on the exact time frame but i think once he was old enough he moved for a bit. probably not VERY far, definitely still in the state with plans to work and save money for awhile before either going to school or finding a better job further away. that is, until he got that message (call, letter, lost tape, what have you) calling him for sister location and just couldn’t ignore it… so he went back to hurricane. stayed in their abandoned house. finally found out the full truth about the possession and was left with no purpose but to end what his father started.
#bc i do place SL when he’s in his early 20’s and there is simply NO reason for him to stay once he’s 18/out of school#it is my Personal Belief that before michael left william had gone (you know his whole escapade under his fake name before he gets#springlocked) and michael had found out about the murders … i have a very specific scenario in my mind palace that’s why JDKSJD#BUT of course that’s flexible… it’s just. even when he knows about the murders what can he DO really. i’m sure william hides or destroys all#evidence when he leaves. AND michael doesn’t know about the possessions#it’s only when he gets the full scope of what’s going on that he’s like Oh. I Need To Do Something. it’s not only guilt over what he feels#like he started but All Those Years lost#this still applies for unscooped au! he has LESS of a purpose in canon of course but still..#knowing it all and not doing anything bothers him too much#anyway i’ll make a more organized hc for this when i settle on the details but i’m rotating it in my brain yk KSKSJF#⁂ ・゚: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc#also i am in the Home Stretch of my work i have one project left to finish and a test on thursday and then i’m done !!
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actually. going to start an argument for fun
#disclaimer: this post does not indicate that i personally desire ms.rabbit. i do not#i just want to ask a weird question and see what i get#(shoots you with a beam)#literally just in my mind palace constructing elaborate ethical quandaries. as you do#and she happens to lurk on the boundary between passing the harkness test#and looking very much like a creature that does not
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drives me a bit nuts actually that they show v's coping mechanism(s) to be anger, indifference, and greed and everyone ultimately gets that even if it causes momentary fights, but then when karen's coping mechanism(s) - after she stops being destructive - are anger, indifference, and greed that's used to imply that she's a bad person
#jack facts#it's honestly just absolutely mind boggling to me#that sheila could go from being the mother who physically chased her husband out of the house for humiliating her daughter#to insisting on keeping a baby that same daughter was so distressed by she didn't want to touch or look at it#like??????#plus the fact the cops didn't take the baby back when sheila literally kidnapped it from the hospital?!#like at that point either karen has parental rights or the baby is already a ward of the state up for adoption#like. it is a kidnapped child no matter what right then. and they just. leave. hello?? like HELLO???#anyway. in my beautiful mind palace where everything post s4 goes how i say it goes#karen and mickey and angie are friends and they have girls nights where they get astronomically high#and play bullshit and poker and watch heath ledger movies#and also maybe karen and angie are fucking and perhaps they will fall in love <3#shamebles#ask to tag
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quick question. why does rufus shinra exist at the back of my mind
#IT'S LOKE A HORROR MOVIE IM SCARED OF THIS GUY#but actually. i know what this is#i know id like him but i dont want to accept this yet. so i put distance between that and me#me doing my thing: (suddenly) oh he's here isnt he#me: looks over shoulder#*he's there*#actually it's been like this for some years. since the 7remake came out so#i KNOW know#but i deny it#IM TELLING YOU HE EXIST IN MY HEADSPACE*??? JUST WAITING FOR ME TO ACCEPT???#*headspace is an system-member only mind palace#this is a budding interest but i dont! want! to...#to....#🤐
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It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#Jia is genuinely making me lose my mind#right now the aftermath interests me a bit more because I live for emotional whump and angst#just.. imagine being her parents#you beg for your daughter’s life and your plea is listened to. she’s released. having proved herself useless. you barely recognise her#she’s nothing like the upbeat and cheerful girl you raised who loved working in this palace. who loved her lady#she’s so thin. hollow cheeks and empty eyes. she barely reacts to anything but Lord Jusamah’s voice which makes her flinch#you’re afraid to even hug her in case she disappears like a ghost would. something is very very wrong with her#you remember the rumours that she was tortured for the information. she looks like she’s starving#it’s clear she was hurt. she wouldn’t act like this if she wasn’t. you’re scared to think of what is hidden beneath her clothes#you want to lunge at Lord Jusamah and strangle him with your bare hands. inflict everything he’s done to your daughter on him tenfold#but you can’t. he’s rich and you aren’t. he has power and you don’t. if you try.. none of you are seeing the sun ever again#you barely care. it would be worth it. but you have two other children to worry about. and Jia deserves her freedom#so all you can do is drop to your knees. press your forehead to the floor. and thank him for his kindness#you tell Jia that you’re taking her home. alertness returns to her for but a moment#‘home?’ her whisper sounds so sad. so broken. you can barely stand it#you rush home as fast as you can. she’s so skittish it hurts. she feels the sun on her face and doesn’t move for a good 10 minutes#you can’t bring yourself to say anything. one of you goes ahead to warn the family so the children won’t crowd her#you finally make it to your house and Jia looks at it as if it was a mirage. she touches the wall to ensure it’s real#the first thing you do is help her take a bath. the sight of her back fuels you with bloodlust. there’s no untouched spot on it#your sweet gentle girl was whipped until criss crossing scars covered every last inch. it must have been hell#you bandage her wounds and take her to eat. she gorges herself on it as if someone would take it away. some light returns to her eyes#she always had a good appetite. at least that didn’t change. after lunch you let her sleep in your own bed#instead of making her share with her siblings and cousins. she needs space. she passes out the second her head hits the pillow#you stay and keep watch. and when the first night terror occurs. you’re ready. her screams are impossibly loud#you wake her. calm her down and hold her hand as she falls back asleep. recovery won’t be an easy road#but you walk it anyway. and with time. she gets better. she returns to her old self. only some traces of that horror remain#she’s happy again. smiles a lot. helps out. plays with the younger kids. she’s the Jia you know and love#she has nightmares. her scars hurt. no one touches her back. she’s paranoid about food. but she’ll be okay. you’re sure of it#(I reached the tag limit again but at least I said all I had in mind. but I could probably ramble on about this for ages…)
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#“oh god not another rant in the tags”#oh satan yes another rant in the tags#listen im so fucking bored no joke i sit in one place all day thinking vengeful thoughts#anyway what i wanted to say is that if one more person ignores me im going to blow my fucking fuse#(no i wont ill just go away somewhere and cry) but the POINT IS#it's the thing i hate most and can deal with least. like don't give me that fucking absent smile/nod#how do i always end up around people/seeking out people that ignore me 😭😭 makes me lose my mind!!!!! im a human person!!#is communication so hard!!#mostly about#dad#a#<-for my own categorization (this tumblog is a mind palace)#anyway i went out to the porch to talk to him. bro looks up at me#stares absently while im talking and looks back at his newspaper. man im your fucking kid im begging you to care about my life#high school in a nutshell lmfao
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