#what is wrong w me ššššš
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starting to think maybe itās not totally normal to not be able to lift my leg up the stairs properly or to lift it to even walk ?? T-T and idk if itās just soreness or if thereās smth actually wrong w me š
#it happened after i danced for nine hours the other day ahahaā¦. š„¹š«¶š»#i was literally at the studio for twelve (12) and danced for NINE OF THEM DJSNDJ#idk how i even managed to keep that up tbh???#who am i????#sjnsdj#itās this soreness behindā¦. the upper part of my knee ig?? sjsnsj hELP#iāve never experienced soreness there before AND NOT JUST IN ONE LEG TOO DJDNDJ#literally every time i get up from sitting i forget that my leg hurts and then i start full on limping the rest of the way ššš#what is wrong w me ššššš#but idk iām hoping itāll be better tomorrow ahaha š„¹#em speaks
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lore accurate teen soukoku. the worsties ever
#rewatched fifteen w my bestie bc she finally reached season 3 and i forgot just how insufferable these two idiots areš#literally calling each other slurs in one scene and then holding hands in the next#what the fuck is wrong with them /gen#anyway this accurately sums up their dynamic to me. toxic besties. gossip gals. teenage girls. whatever that dynamic is called#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#skk#lotus draws#also my friend is literally insane bc she was like āchuuya n dazai are satosugu coded but if like stsg actually had BEEF w each otherā#LIKE WHATšš#THE ONLY THING THEY HAVE IN COMMON IS DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE YAOI#sobbing you guys shouldve seen the face i fucking made at her. i was so disappointed
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Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)
#dc comics#dc#batfamily#batman#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#dick grayson#cassandra cain#duke thomas#anyway. zdarsky run sure is something huh?#its still so funny to me that half of 148 was leaked a few days before like someone has it OUT for that book over at bleeding cool ig#i don't necessarily think this theory will come true I'm just imagining how stupid it would be if it did#I'm not super happy with the dialogue in the cass+duke+dick comic but i felt my og dialogue might've read too fanon#mainly just bc cass' last sentence was originally shorter/just ellipses and duke said smthin like ''wait? villain arc?''#which you could easily find in wayne family adventures. even tho it would've been appropriate for this situation š#now the dialogue just sounds kind of generic (esp cass') and it's BOTHERING ME AUGHH. this is the comic book fandom panopticon /j#anyway Bruce is in the retirement home in this scenario /j#me n my friends were talking over discord and came up w the cursed scenario that jason is tims robin in this (apart of the 'redemption' arc#-that he's been nail gunned with in this run. god this run is so weird when it comes to jason. like it doesn't outright dislike him-#-like it clearly does damian and (more obviously) cass steph and duke) but the tone of everything w jason is still bizarre#god. anyway yeah i didn't draw him but please picture grown man tank Jason in the robin undies (ala tt 03 but dare i say better)#also the dick being silly sketch was bc the issue i was reading had damian refer to dick as 'jolly'#specifically like ''unreasonably jolly'' or something like that (god i love when ppl find dicks cheerfulness deeply unsettling hehehe)#and i thought it was so funny. bc damian met dick when we has going through his ''bruce is dead'' depression-#-and STILL thought that dick was extremely unserious. he sees happy dick and is like ''what is wrong w you. genuinely''#but at the same time he loves it#i need to stop reading their batman and robin run so scatteredly (or i can just reread nightwing must die...always a possibility)#anyway yeah š bad sketches be upon you#mine
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IN TEARS. I SOMEHOW SPENT THREE HOURS ON THIS. š
guys please forgive me š
#guess who Sn84pGng is#i spent sm time editing the template. what the hell.#what year is it#ibispaint is crazy#but uhh idk man i thought itd be funny to draw bruno and abbacchio on this meme template š#im so silly x3#(something is wrong w me)#jojo's bizarre adventure#jjba#jojo no kimyou na bouken#leone abbacchio#bruno bucciarati#bruabba#meme#hot yaoi base#shitpost
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assigned depressive borderline at birth š
get a totally legit diagnosis here <3
#where tf did sadistic come from helloššš#ik this dumbass test isnt serious#but fun fact i tried 2 get tested for bpd as a teen on two separate occasions but it didnt even come to it cuz the psychologists were like#nah! u dont have the vibes#& i was like okšššššwhat the fuck is wrong w me tho#they didnt offer me any alternative explanations. i think. maybe i just dont remember cuz i cried
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why does every reconciliation fic go like this
#my dc posting#jason todd#red hood#jason todd fanart#ugh i forgot to change tim n dick's skin colours aa i already put my drawing stuff away whatever#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#<- main offenders#no but. jason will be making some absolutely great points#ill be cheering him on like YEAH know ur fucking value good job call them the fuck out dont fall for their shit!!#then there will be one (1) event n suddenly the author pulls a complete 180#all of jason's valid issues n complaints r swept away without ever being solved#at most he's given a few flimsy excuses or justifications#n suddenly hes all happy n dandy w them#like š¤Øš¤Øš¤Ø what!!!#like nothing changes nobody makes any effort but apparently one sentence going 'omg no it wasnt like that jason š' is enough to sweep#everything under the rug#like why have i never read a fic where anyone actually works to change. to right the wrongs theyve done. to apolgoize and do better.#aside form of course jason going 'i see now that murder is wrong i was stupid n angry for no good reason good thing the pit madness has bee#solved/managed better n i have apologized to Poor Little 10yo Baby Tim whom i hurt and traumatized So Badly how will he ever forgive me...'#'fuck my family wtf is wrong w these assholes' 'i killed the joker for like 3 minutes' 'i love you i have no further issues aside from#Teenage Angst which will be cured via being told my anger is disproportional and of course one (1) hug form my Dearest Father'#when will i read someone 'pullin the alfred card' and jason respondin w 'fuck alfred'. he deserves to be an asshole w the way hes treated..#ok ill stop now im just. very done w this stuff
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something I've found a bit funny if u compare the kids designs in toh, gf and A are how dip and mabe, being 12, are so tiny compared to how lanky toh and A kids are even w them only being a few years older. toh's designs is a bit less jarring 2 me since it's more realistic, but if u put the mystery twins beside calamity trio it's silly how the latter look so l o n g in comparison
#might be remebring wrong but i think a reason for this was that matt wanted the girls to be older i think#bc of. dis ney ig. but then he just didnt change their appearance at all outside of like name(?)#the girls being taller than the frogs make them seem like giants so when u reach s3a where anne is still notably shoter than#both her parents is like... shes jusst a girlllllll#hilda's designs matches best w the mystery twins' before their lil timeskip in s3#and the change in their design is so wonderful to me. whats even MORE endearing to me is how theyre still SO TINY next to the adults š#ok sorry for rambling just thinking out loud goodbye aaiin#again
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the look on tens face when francine mentions martha disappeared the night before oh he wanted to project the implication they fucked so badly
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iām sure Iām forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatās been confirmed. On the table of contents thereās why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donāt think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the ābadā devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaās relationship with them? Sheās too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheās Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheās ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnāt loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityās creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaās answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnāt out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereās an itch to every devil, and for Makima itās a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheās attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itās a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansā need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulā Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesā There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaās success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itās still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilās behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itād have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheād have been part of that āhisā order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorās making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilā All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendās farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnāt it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itās trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatās best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnāt she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itās back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatās the extra edge they must be missing to be contentā like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsā¦ā¦.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyāre calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itās very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itās pretty direct and sheās already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheās self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyāre her personal lifeā something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheās gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiās, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human bodyā¦ Thereās something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fillā¦ Outside influence theyāre helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiās. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out ofā¦ Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itās Angel Devilās devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedā we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersā house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiās memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherā part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilās namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itās her feeling empty when sheās not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itās something that they like nor that itās something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itās even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itās the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedā feared, powerful, knownā hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itās their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beā a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aā¦. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iāll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itās a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drumā¦ Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheās happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaās biggest tool, similarly capitalismās most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatās what theyāll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnāt like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestā how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itās about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenāt logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnāt live and breathe purely for the mission sheās made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheāll have decided for peopleā and thatās the thing isnāt it, like with War, itās the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itās not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulļæ½ļæ½.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donāt want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog š#Thisād be a different topic but. I donāt think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iād say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenā¦.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iām fine. Iām so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnāt align with ours obvi but#āSomeone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?ā What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyāre undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood š¤ or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ābut every demon likes to drink bloodā power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnāt belong as a devil??? bc heās suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatās all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereās a lot more iād have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iāve seen a take that the āmy friend at a farmā thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itās a perfect allegory but it can be both
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okay guys so heres the thing. if i am having fun and being happy over a post and you come in my inbox and say something rude about how im enjoying something you're getting blocked lol. i have been veeeeeeeery nice so far. i dont know why you're following me if you're gonna make a stink when i reblog/make art/talk abt something i like. why are you here. you know. the blog where i talk/reblog/make art abt the things i like. if you dont like it here instead of telling me. leave. be a decent person, okay?
#spacie spoinks#mood killer#just got a very very rude ask like what is up w/ppl and springtrap its only when its abt him#the ask was literally like ''yeah i hate this thing that you like so there''#????? okay?????#i have spam reblogged other posts and not a peep abt how ''ohhh this thing sucks actually why are you enjoying it :/''#litrally shut up!!!!!!! go away im having fun what's wrong with you!!!#this wont ruin my mood b/c haaarhouguohg that art.....#also . what is up w/ppl and bringing up being aroace in their anons when talking abt springtrap šš#IM ALSO AROACE!!!!! YOU FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#''im not simping for him im aroace'' you are literally looking at an aroace rn#do i need 2 make more posts abt being aroace. is that it.#would you guys finally believe me if i told you that IN REAL LIFE i do not find most humans attractive sexually or romantically?#smh#anybeans :333#spins around with basyas drawing in my hand oh how i love him#im gonna put this in a frame#im. i need a corkboard so i can jut have a collage . on my fwall
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Heres a cool and really sad detail I saw in these drawings from Flatland (also sorry if this is badly explained or just sound like I'm not confident)
The beginning of the book has this drawing (or I guess it's the title itself)
which has very small text around it saying 'ten dimensions', 'five dimensions' and so on, showing the narrators aspiration learn about higher dimensions and him wanting us to also aspire the same
But at the end of the book, after his imprisonment there is this drawing
The drawing is quite similar to the first, however the small text says things such as'the baseless fabric of my vision', 'melted into air, into thin air' and 'such stuff as dreams'
showing that his aspiration has declined and he can't fully believe in them anymore (due to his imprisonment and his inability to share his knowledge of the 3rd dimension) (and i guess his bad memory)
#I know its prtty obvious i jst wanna share š#flatland#flatland a romance of many dimensions#flatland film#flatland book#flatland 2007#bought by mark#I wanted to share this 3 days ago btw whats wrong w me
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little update on my love life hsksjsk
i ghosted and then sbāed the lawyer guy on ig bc turns out heās friends with that one psycho man i met a few months ago. i think the latter i only mentioned meeting but never gave tea on the fallout here. it was all fun and games until it wasnāt. he basically tried to be alpha with me and i was not having it LOL but each time i blocked him in one place he found another means to reach me but his options were limited to begin with so eventually he gave up and stopped bothering me. but like, man. digging up all of my socials just to tell me things like āyouāre so cold to me whenever weāre not together physically. far from the eye, far from the heart ā is this your game?ā was the last straw. NO SIR I AM A HORRID TEXTER i donāt play mind games š i just kept blocking him without even bothering to give a reply, it probably pissed him off sm LOL which wasnāt my intention, i just thought there was no point in wasting my time and energy on a man like that, i didnāt even want to clear out the misunderstanding like hello i have a life and ur not my priority š his petty male ego was def hurt, what a dick
so when i found out they were friends my brain went ultra dramatic, i thought maybe the lawyer guy was a setup from the very start and that it was a carefully crafted method by the psycho guy to approach me again. naturally i got paranoid and that story is now over, nothing weirdās happened after that, thankfully
andā you rmr the hq guy? yeah, weāre forced to keep a professional relationship rn bc he often visits the office for work related purposes. today he came. twice. first for work, and then ā to bring me sweet treats š out of the blue, like way after his business was done š we hadnāt talked after what happened last time so whatās this now š why canāt men read the room š
#ā ai rambles#i allow myself to ghost ppl if weāre not that close yet and it just saves us both all the uncomfortable and unnecessary talk of#āiām not interested in you ok byeā#also men often mixing politeness with flirty intentions drives me crazy#last one is about the hq guy#like ur my client ofc i will not be an ass to you š#DURING A BUSINESS MEETING šššš get a grip#thank you for the chocolates but š what the hell š#ALSOOO#i ran into the lawyer guy after the ghosting and it was decent#we both said hi to each other and that was all#maybe i read too much into it and maybe heās got no idea i once hooked up w the psycho guy who also happens to be his friend š#but what are the odds š#men like gossip more than women TRUST so i donāt think it was a pure coincidenceā¦..i think he knew š#i have a hunch and i might be wrong but i feel more comfortable staying clear of him
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ārevival falsettos is betterā āobc falsettos is betterā can we agree that they are both valid and phenomenal interpretations of a piece that aim to do different things artistically in multiple areas?
#donāt get me wrong nothing wrong w having a fav#but SERIOUSLY they are both FANTASTIC!!!#you donāt have to make it a competition u can uplift one version without putting the other one down oh my god ššš#unless ur writing a piece comparing the two stop feeling the need to shit on one version šš#i was about to say iām ending my hater era but im actually hating on the haters so iām a hater^2#anyway it salts my cereal when people feel the need to define their opinion by hating something like#pLease have a positive opinion i am on my knees begging#do u even love what youāre talking about or do you just hate the other thing#falsettos
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just woke up from a weird quasi-nightmare where all my fandom pals were suddenly jgy haters who assumed that i, too, was a jgy hater š¬ ohno.jpeg
legit felt like iād transmigrated into a bizarro alternate universe where AU me was a wwx stan and i had to ~pretend~ lest the system dock me -1000 badass points, thus consigning me to the fandom equivalent of the burial mounds.
#also dream!me couldnāt just start chatting with the jgy fans because theyād all blocked me already#presumably for being such a virulent jgy anti dropping my obnoxious anti commentary in the tags#ššš#anyway the GOOD news is it was only a dream!! whew!!!#the bad news is this is the kind of shit my brain cooks up to torment me with while iām sleeping#what the fuck is wrong w/ me#anyway i am going back to bed now#ray.txt#salty peak sect š§
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more
#ran out of tags LOLLLL#and then .at least on fords end . be able to witness the moment of collapse . in which all his ārighteousā feelings r sucked out like a#vacuum or some star collapsing on itself bc not only is he like . having to come to terms w his own flaws#and the insidious like . stomach churning guilt associated w that but also the panic and fear (realized#w the portal or bills deception) into looking outwards and having that silent āohā moment where its like yeah#thats why he left . why wouldnt he#GRAAAAA LIKE I WANT DESTRUCTIONNN I WANT THINGS 2 FALL DOWN SO HE CAN FINALLY REBUILDDD#let me innnššššš„let me in to the self reflection those thirty yearsšššš„š„š„š„š„#who did you meet that reminded you of himmšššwho wronged u in similar ways who gave u a reason to be betterrr whoo what did you see#and when you finally came back what did u FEEEL .. and dont lie and say there wasnt that wisp of nostalgia laced arnd ur heart#girlā¦..talk to me focus on me u know me u know these things#stanford pines#gravity falls#sry for taggingn these i need it for my own blog i prmmy i need to reference this . i will#ok im back bc i read fords end snd i want to rip my hair out bc fiddleford has such good ācollapseā imagery too#like we liteally got the soc of the blind eye videos . HIS DOCUMENTSRYYY#oohhhits rly over for us (me) now (and stanford and fiddleford.and stanley bc i feel bad excluding himš)#only talking ab ford bc i need a reason to connect it to stan bc im sick in tbe brain and i need the familial conflict aspect too#but fidds .. ur misery does not go unnoticed by me ā¼ļø#anyways. ik i said idc if they didnt get back together but the beauty of multiplicity is also liking the idea#HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHlike whenb im over the conflict im like dude they went through so much tgether it must be nice to find urself in the#familiarity again. uugughh.AUUUH./
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normalest friend group
#wrong they all hate each other#except for elias only eden hates him rightfully so#he got his bestie dante exhiled anyways thats for when i design kat which might be never back to the line up#brooke looks so cute shes eliciting a omg puppy response from me. never slimming her face down again her cheeeks#the more adorable they look the eviller they are. in order brooke elias diamila eden#diamila will stab you in the back for fun and she probably has the highest vampire bodycount in the us BUT she doesnt kill humans#so that basically makes her a good person#elias and brooke would literally kill a kid the only difference is elias would only do it if he was pissed brooklyn would do it for funš#shes so cute#wip#ill draw a full body line up later shivers#elias and brooke are the only ones where same face syndrome kicked in but i dont mind that much there is literally no way theyd get mixed u#wait let me go back on what i didnt mention#eden is off the evil scale hes a relatively good guy.... by kindred standards tho hes still a hypocrite kind of nines style but worse#he did the most to become baron and rallies the anarchs into going to war w the camarilla basically but he cant stomach violence#back to how much they all hate each other diamila and eden used to be friends but she did her usual backstabbing when chose the vt m b#camarilla ending diamila hates brooke and brooke just dislikes her but has no reason to hate her and eden and brooke hate love each other#mostly hate by 2021 honestly#his bestie wasnt named dante i meant it dante exhiled. you know
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