#sobbing you guys shouldve seen the face i fucking made at her. i was so disappointed

[lotus-pear]

lore accurate teen soukoku. the worsties ever

[schlattslonghairytoes]

chapter ten

real life!

schlatts pov

as i handed my phone to talia i was nervous, i felt as if my text i had sent her all those years ago wouldnt make up for what i did to her, i wasnt sure how she would react. but as she looked up at me, eyes overflowing with tears, i had hoped she even started to forgive me.

real life!

talias pov

i continued reading the unsent text and with every word i began to cry harder, through most of high school, schlatt was always there for me, but i wasnt there for him when he needed me, and although i would like to forget most of senior year, i cant help but think how schlatt must of felt.

his grandpa, mike, was his best friend, the one who taught him baseball, and all of his jokes, and i wasnt even aware he passed. i was so wrapped up in myself and my problems that i didnt stop an d think there was a reason outside of him hating me.

i get to the end of the message "and no one could ever be you" his words ringing through my ears even though they were never said, i had felt the same way about him, it was always him, schlatt.

i put the phone down and look up at him, his eyes slightly teary, yet holding his composer well, i feel his thumb wipe away a tear, but all i can think about is how lonley he must of felt, not just me.

i wrap my arms around his torso and hug him tightly, and i start to cry even harder, i feel his hands thread through my hair. i rest my head in the crook of his neck and sob. "im so sorry jay, im so so sorry" i bawl

"hey, hey im the one whos suppos'd to be apologizing here" he lifts my head with his hand and wipes the rest of my tears "this whole mess isnt your fault, you have nothing to apologise for" he pleads while still holding my face in his hands.

"i didnt even know mikey died jay, i wasnt there for you, i shouldve checked on you, or something, i should of done something." i cried, i felt his arms wrap around me, and hold me with so much comfort. "baby i wasn't there for you. you were homeless lia, and i didnt even know, we both made mistakes." he said rubbing my back softly.

"all i hope is that you can forgive me." he pleaded. "jay i forgave you the moment i saw you at that party, breaking up those two guys." i laugh, and his eyes widened "you were there? did you see who was fighting?" he asked urgently

i tried to think but i couldnt figure it out. "no why?' i ask. "talia, i was the one fighting, it was alex, from high school. he was saying horrible shit about you, saying you guys were a thing, and that i missed out and i punched him, but my buddy hasan came in and finished him off." he laughs.

that caught me off guard, even when i hadnt spoke to him in over 2 years, he still defended me. he really did care about me. i threw myself back into him and hugged him even closer. i still loved him as much as i did back then "thank you" i say into the crook of his neck.

"no, thank you for hearing me out, i know ive been a bit of a dick these past few days and, i, guess these past few years, but i promise you, im gonna fix it." he says, looking down at me with the softest, yet guiltiest eyes ive ever seen. 

"you already have."

real life!

schlatts pov

as talia rests beside me, i feel everything start to mend itself, slowly, but im sure its gonna, "wanna go get food?" i ask. she nods and i get up and walk to the door but it wont open. "what the fuck" i mutter to myself. "hey did you lock the door" i look back at talia sitting up and stretching when i see her hoodie slide up i turn my attention right back to the door.

"no i dont think i did, wait what you literally came in after me?" she gets up and tries to open the door herself. "wait why would the door lock from the outside anyways?" i ask, im so confused so i call charlie "hey man, the door to talias room is broken can u help us?" all i hear is laughter on the other end of the call

"did you guys talk it out?" i hear ted ask "yes theodore kennedy we spoke now let us out." im starting to get a bit pissed. then hansum pipes up. "not until you two admit youre in love and want eachother desperately" when he starts moaning into the mic i decide its time to hang up.

"no luck?" she asks. "nope." i look around and remember our rooms are connected through a bathroom. "theres no way there smart enough to lock both our doors right" and turns out i was right.

we decide to sneak out so we dont have to get everyone else food and we eventually make it to the car. she puts her feet covered in strawberry socks on my lap and i see her take a picture when we make it on the road and start aggressively typing

"may i ask why a picture of me was taken?" i ask politely. she looks up at me and smiles "no" and i decide to move on. later that night i see she posted on instagram.

instagram!

taliasgrill

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4 minutes ago

~~~the next day~~~

one of the last things that the group had planned to do, besides go shopping, was go to the san diego zoo.

tyler kept asking us all to go and we finally decided we would, the morning of i had woken up to charlie jumping on my bed like a gorilla so i knew today would be a long one.

i went downstairs only to find ted tried to make monkey-shaped pancakes and set off almost all the smoke detectors, so again, i felt the impending doom of the day coming on strong.

"are you guys filming for lunch club today?" i sat down at the counter, ted charlie tyler and travis were all in various parts of the kitchen. ted told me they were infact making a video and i could be in it if i wanted to, but i denied his offer.

my plan was that brittany was meeting me at the zoo so we could vlog, and i would meet back up with the boys when they had finished.

as much as i loved being with them, i always felt like i was intruding on their time together, so i opted out of this one, i was really excited to see brittnay though. 

"dont you guys think we should just get breakfast on the way" schlatt said as he strut down the stairs. wearing his iconic tims he has managed to not fuck up in all the time ive known him.

i also noticed he was wearing a very familar shirt, one that i had bought him years prior, and though i choose not to comment, i thought it made him look very cute.

we all loaded into our cars, i was driving schlatt, ted, tyler and Charlie. while travis was driving everyone else. "SHOTGUN!" i hear schlatt yell from the front door, before he flys by me into the passenger seat.

"wow you wanna sit with your girlfriend so bad" tyler laughs

"and what about it, huh?" schlatt jokes back

"yo, what the fuck?" tylers head jerks forward at that remark.

"please dont listen to him." i get into the front seat and start up the car, charlie begs to be on aux, and of course i let him cause hes my favorite.

by the time we arrive all the boys are fed and ready for a long hot day at the zoo, we arrive scan our tickets and i see britney in the distance. the moment i spot her i run and jump in her arms.

"ive missed you bitch!" i yell and jump "im so happy youre here, i need a break from all the testosterone." she laughs at me

"and you think im the best place for that." and at that, i die laughing, brittnay has always been one of the funniest people out there.

all the boys walk back over to us and say hi to brittnay before shoving a camera in my face.

"everyone say bye mommy!" ted says in a baby voice. a chorus of byes and way too many mommies come from the boys before they all take off, but schlatt lingers for a moment. 

"text me if you need anything or if you just wanna see me, ok?" i laugh at him "yes, now go before the kids get hurt, please make sure they dont do anything too stupid." "yes mommy" he runs off before i can slap him.

i turn to britney and she deadpans at me "we have alot to fucking talk about." i laugh before responding.

"oh yes we certainly do."

hours later me and brit are sat on the sky trolley when schlatt, ted, charlie, and there other friend, who i dont belive ive met, pass by us.

"HIII!" i yell out the cart. all their heads turn in our direction and i hear schlatt yell "DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT A ROTH IRA IS??" but dont have time to respond.

britney takes a long slurp of her coke before placing it down next to her. "did you guys fuck?" she asks seriously.

"ever, or like recently?" i laugh.

"i know the answer to ever, but recently, i know y'all are good now, but the tension is maing me horny."

"no brit we have not had sex within the last two years." i look down at my phone and see a text from schlatt, it says "lions or elephants." i quickly text back, "lion" before putting my phone back in my pocket.

britney and i finished our vlog around 530 and meet back up with the boys. i said my goodbyes to brittnay as i was seeing her very soon. we all loaded back into our cars when schlatt threw a giant lion stuffed animal at me. 

"what the hell is this" i look up at him in the passenger seat.

"i asked lion or elephant and you said lion so." he tries to be nonchalant and go on his phone but i reach over the center consol of my jeep to hug him.

"thank you, seriously, that is so sweet." i say, voice muffled by his shirt

"i remembered you like stuffed animals and i thought of you when i saw it, so.." he trails off, slightly embarrassed. "i love it." i put the lion in my lap and started the car.

5 minutes into the drive, i finally realized how quiet the car really was, i look around and see that every single person in the car except for me and schlatt is asleep, i check on him and he is barely staying awake, fighting sleep.

as the car ride went on i thought about me and him, what was going to happen after the trip, he was going to go back to new york, and i was going to stay in California, but now that i had him back, i wasnt willing to lose him

i wasn't going to let him slip through my fingers again.

[happinessinthedarkest-times]

avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)

**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works

holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck

i am an emotional wreak right now

ahhhhh it was so good im crying still

tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there 

tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped

that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .

i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that

that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it

he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor

tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad 

everything tony was great. 

steve 

he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to

and he got to say assemble. 

ok now from the beginning. 

i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.

carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss

steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything. 

when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan 

and then he went for the head! 

five....... 

years later

fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them

five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!? 

nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family. 

scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional 

tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing 

tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that. 

when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it

the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics 

going back a little bit

clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.

‘dont give me hope’

thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)

also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok) 

the time traveling

everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works

also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????

“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was) 

loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)

them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG

PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain. 

thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point) 

rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.

clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie. 

but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard. 

the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake 

thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)

hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down. 

steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY

also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again. 

steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS

legit cheering and crying so much 

valkyrie with her pegasus

shuri with her blasters 

peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back. 

PEPPER FREAKING POTTS 

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)

peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back

also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated

CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS 

im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films

but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that” 

and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING) 

this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.

side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback 

and then we get to the sacrifice.

i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.

i was still not prepared. 

‘I am inevitable’

‘I AM IRON MAN’

FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies. 

he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do. 

his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story. 

rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu. 

to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing. 

the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ 

(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)

VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.

thor becoming a guardian basically. 

also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk

also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol

im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too 

steve rogers 

steve.

i knew he wasn’t coming back.

bucky knew it too.

im wreaked

but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline) 

captain sam wilson america in the house.

(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)

they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss

it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved 

to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.

i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again

i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place 

im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience

and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget. 

people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.

well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.

and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs. 

i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them. 

one last thing

thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person. 

[captaindeanwinchesterforever]

Don’t Leave Me pt. 2

I just want to thank all of you who like to read my writing. I appreciate all the support! I hope y'all like this one. Love you guys!

Pairing: None at the moment *wink wink*

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, and a little bit of cussing

Summary: You are left having to deal with the aftermath of Gabriel’s death, but thank goodness you have a knight in shining armor.

Word count: 2,180

        I pulled into the garage of the bunker and parked my truck beside the Impala. I shut the engine off and sat there a few seconds to collect my thoughts. I got out of my truck and started to open the door to the bunker when I heard laughing and celebrating. It sounded like a fucking party. I was aggravated, but I knew that these people we brought back to this world didn’t kill Gabriel, so I didn’t need to take my anger out on them. I opened the door to see everyone having a great time. There was beer and food, people laughing and smiling at the victory they just had. I couldn’t be a part of the celebration, so I kept my head down and headed straight to my room. I hoped that Dean and Sam wouldn’t notice I was back. As long as I could stay out of their sight, I would be okay.

           “(Y/N)! Wait, please.” I forgot about the angel… I just kept walking, but Cas caught up with me and grabbed my wrist to stop me.

           “Cas, please let go of me.” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I just couldn’t be in that room anymore.

           “I know you are hurting right now. I just want you to know that I am here for you. I’m sor…” I cut him off.

           “Don’t say it. I don’t need that right now.” I turned and glared at him with anger. My expression went from furious to sorrowful in less than a second.

           “I’m sorry, Cas. I know you’re only trying to help me and be a good friend. I really appreciate you being here for me, but I don’t need anyone’s pity. Just know that I love you and you are one of the most important people in my life. I just need some space right now. I’ll be okay.” I smiled and leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. I turned around and made a beeline to my room.

           I walked in and slammed the door behind me. I leaned back against it and slid down to the floor. Tears began to flow from my eyes. I had to put on a good face for the boys, but when I was behind closed doors, I could let everything out.

Sam’s POV

            I looked up when I heard the door open to the bunker. It was (Y/N). She was trying to make her way past everyone, and I assumed that she was making her way to her room. All I wanted to do is comfort her, but I knew how she was, and she wasn’t going to let any weakness show. I heard Cas yell out to her and grab her wrist. I grimaced a little thinking that Cas was about to get decked in the face, but to my surprise she didn’t do anything. I could hear a little bit of their conversation. I heard Cas try to tell her he was sorry, but she cut him off and the look she gave him was terrifying. If looks could kill that one definitely would have. Then I saw (Y/N)’s facial expression change. She regretted what she said to Cas and she said something that I couldn’t hear. She leaned up to Cas’ cheek and gave him a kiss. Then off she went to the only safe place she thought she had left.

           “Cas was real brave grabbing her arm like that.” I looked over and saw Dean standing beside me.

           “Yeah, real brave… I don’t know what to do for her, Dean. I know she wants to be alone, but I can’t just sit here and let her go through this alone. Hell, we both know how it feels to lose someone like that.” I was aggravated with everything going on, but especially that (Y/N) had to lose someone she loved. If I was being completely honest, I was pissed at Gabriel for putting her through this again.

           “I don’t know, Sammy. That’s a bit risky. Don’t get me wrong, I love (Y/N) just as much as the rest of us do but she’s different. She doesn’t like to show weakness. Hell Sam, that was the first time I had ever seen her cry. We’ve all tried to comfort her at some point, and you were able to for a little bit, but we both know that the only one that could calm her down is gone. If you feel like you need to help her then you should do it, but if you do you may not like the answer you get.” Dean has always cautioned me about (Y/N) and how she was, but it’s never scared me away. I know she isn’t like other women and I think that’s why I am drawn to her. I have always had feelings for (Y/N), but she loved Gabriel and I couldn’t live with myself if I ruined that.

           I couldn’t stand there anymore, I had to go help her. I took off through the war room and down the hall way towards (Y/N)’s bedroom. Once I reached her room, I stood there for a second. I could hear something coming from the other side of the door. I put my ear up to it and listened. It was her crying. She was trying to hold her sobs back, but she was failing.

           I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. “(Y/N), it’s Sam. I just wanted to come and check on you. Can I please come in?”

(Y/N)’s POV

I was sitting on the floor sobbing when I heard a knock on my door. It startled me a little bit. I should’ve known that someone would come and find me.

           “(Y/N), it’s Sam. I just wanted to come and check on you. Can I please come in?” Of course, it was Sam. I thought I had slipped past him without him seeing me. I got up off the floor and wiped my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and opened the door.

           “Sam, I’m fine. I just want to be alone right now. I don’t want anyone around me right now. I think its best that you leave.” I felt awful being this hateful towards Sam, but he doesn’t need to see me like this. He definitely didn’t need to waste his time on me. I just wanted him to go celebrate and be happy. I went to close the door in his face, but he stopped it with his hand.

           “(Y/N), I just wanted to come and see how you were doing. You were gone for a while and I was worried. I didn’t know where you had gone.” He was so sincere, but I needed him to leave. I wasn’t worth his time or effort. I wasn’t worth fixing.

           “I appreciate that, but I’m good.” I had an agitated tone in my voice. Even with the hateful tone, he was patient.

           “We could just hang out like we used to. It was fun watching movies and talking to you. We used to talk about anything and everything. I just want to help you.” He was trying so hard to help me. I remember how much fun we used to have after I lost Gabriel the first time. Sam was always there. Through my good days and my dark days. I depended on him a little more than I would’ve liked to admit. My feelings for him started to change and I pushed them down. He wouldn’t want this hot mess. He was just being nice, and Sam deserved a whole hell of a lot better than me. As soon as these feelings started, they disappeared, because that’s when Gabriel came back into my life.

           “I don’t need you to save me again, Sam. I definitely don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be fine.” I sounded like a real bitch. If I didn’t feel bad before, I definitely feel bad now. I could see the annoyed look on his face.

           “(Y/N), listen. I get what you’re going through and I get you want to be alone, but I think being alone is the last thing you need to be right now. All I want to do is help you and all you do is push me away. I see straight through that act you put on for everyone else. I’m your friend (Y/N) and I care about you. So please just let me help you!” Sam had never raised his voice at me before. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I tried to hold them back, but one fell down my cheek. I saw the regret on Sam’s face for what he did. He started to apologize, but I quickly wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. He engulfed me in his arms and I finally felt safe again, just like before.

           “I’m sorry, Sam. Can you stay here with me for a little while?” I just wanted his company, nobody else’s just his. Sam shook his head yes and we walked into the room and closed the door behind us.

           Sam and I were laying on our backs staring up at the ceiling of my room. We were just kind of enjoying each other’s company, not really talking until I spoke up.

           “I’m sorry I was so mean to you earlier. I don’t know how to act or feel about what just happened. I want to believe that Gabriel is alive, but I have a gut feeling that he’s actually gone this time. I’m furious with him for doing this to me again, but most importantly I want to kill Michael. I want revenge Sam and I’ve never felt like this before. I’m overwhelmed with all the different thoughts going through my head. What’s even worse is that I have been such an awful friend to you, and you didn’t deserve any of it. Sam, you’re the only one I can be myself with and you have no idea how important that is to me. There are no words to describe how sorry I am to have put you through so much. I don’t deserve to have a friend like you.” I had rolled over on my side facing Sam while I said this. I really didn’t deserve him. The fact he still wanted to help me after I was such a bitch to him made me appreciate him even more. He rolled over to face me and looked at me for a second with his sad puppy dog eyes.

           “(Y/N), you don’t need to be sorry. I don’t blame you for what you said or how you acted. I would have done the same thing. I understand why our friendship changed when Gabriel came back. You loved each other and he had just stepped back into your life. I don’t blame you for wanting to spend all your time with him. You’re very special to me (Y/N) and I just don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. I was there for you then and I am here for you know. I always will be. As for Michael, he isn’t coming back (Y/N). He is stuck in that other world with Lucifer. Where I hope they’ll rip each other apart.” He reached up and tucked some stray hairs behind my ear. I couldn’t help but smile. Sam made me feel safe and he took care of me.

           “Thank you, Sam.” I smiled at him and nuzzled myself up against his body. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper something, but I couldn’t quite make out the words.

Sam’s POV

           (Y/N) snuggled herself up to me and I wrapped my arms around her. I missed this so much. I missed the smell of her hair, how warm her body was against mine, the conversations we used to have, but most importantly I missed her. I felt like I could fly. The smile on my face was never going to leave. (Y/N) deserved so much better than what her life has handed her. She was rough around the edges and often put up a wall to keep people out, but under all that she had the most beautiful soul. I had never had feelings like this for any other woman, she was everything to me.

           I could tell (Y/N) was starting to fall asleep, so I pulled her in closer. Her face was buried into the crook of my neck. Her breathing started to slow, and I could tell she had finally fallen asleep. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I promise to always take care of you and never leave you. I love you, (Y/N). I always have.”

           I could feel my eyes starting to get heavy. I didn’t want to leave her, so I rested my head on her pillow and drifted off to sleep.

[beepbeepdickie]

I'm Just Going to Sit Right Down (and Cry Over You)

Okay so this is my first multi chapter fic ever and I'm super nervous, it's a mutant!Eddie headcannon so let me know if you want to be tagged! Also the title of this story and all the chapters will be Beatles songs, the title was a cover by the Beatles tho, not an original song. Hope you enjoy!!

Pairing: richie tozier x eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 1,590

Summary: Eddie is hiding something from his friends, and it's something they can never figure out.

Warnings: slight language, very slight mention of violence, mention of panic attack

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Chapter one- Drive my car

Eddie Kaspbrak had lived a relatively normal childhood, well, as normal as it could be for someone like him. The 18 year old had been on the run with his mother, Sonia, for the first 5 years of his life before finally settling down in Derry, Maine. The quiet town served as a perfect recluse for the gifted teenager and he had never been happier. Although Eddie couldn't remember anything before Derry, he couldn't complain, it was home to him. He had absolutely wonderful friends who he loved more than anything, semi good grades, and a average mother who was ridiculously overprotective, but for a good reason.

Around the age of 6, his mother had told him. According to Sonia, Eddie was born with abilities that he inherited from his father, Frank Kaspbrak. Apparently he had died protecting them from 'bad people' that wanted to take Eddie away for his powers. After that they had been constantly running for 5 years until those people had finally lost track of Eddie. At the time, Eddie couldn't fully comprehend the severity of the situation at hand, he still didnt. He simply thought he was a superhero and that his father was his gardian, kind of like Spiderman. For about two years Eddie had no idea what type of powers he had, so he kind of just let the idea die, thinking the whole idea was just a figment of his overly active imagination. That is until he turned 8.

Eddie was minding his own buisness playing in the living room while his mother watched TV on her favorite chair. Eddie however became increasingly bored with his toys and begged his mother profusely to watch his show.

"Eddie bear I told you, for the last time, I'm in the middle of my show, you will have to wait your turn." Sonia whispered, hushing him quickly and turning her attention to the brain rotting contraption once more.

This however has set eddie off. He started to throw and absolute fit, he began screaming and crying to watch his show. The screaming continued, growing in volume and intensity until suddenly his show was on and a vase had crashed into the opposite wall. Eddie jumped back so quickly he nearly toppled over the back of the couch. His mother stared at him wide eyed before she began to cry, Eddie was confused at her negative reaction when he himself was absolutely estatic. He was telekinetic for fucks sake.

After that he went ballistic, and tried to use his abilities for everything, chores, homework, cooking. After all, what was the point of touching anything when his mind could do the work? Sonia on the other hand had different ideas, quickly reprimanding him about how dangerous it was to go using his powers for everything and told him he was never to tell anyone or ever use them unless completely necessary. Eddie obeyed, scared by the intensity of her words and vowed to keep it to himself at all costs.

Here he was, 10 years later and he still hadn't uttered a word. Even he and his mother rarely brought it up. So in his mind, he had a relatively normal childhood, but his mind was also the problem.

"Earth to Eddie, the bell just rang dipshit, stop daydreaming." Stan, one of Eddie's best friends had teased, snapping his fingers incessantly in front of his face.

"Aw, stop it Staniel, you know hes having a good dream about me by the way hes drooling right now, arntcha Eds?" Richie crooned, ignoring Stan's griping, and putting his arm around Eddie's shoulders.

"Quit it Rich, and dont call me Eds." He snapped, a little more irritable than usual due to all of these memories piling at the surface. It seemed harder and harder by the day to keep lying to his friends.

"Someones grumpy! Good thing too, I like em feisty!" The curly haired, bug eyed, fool pinched his cheek before walking away in the direction of his class. Eddie just stood in the hallway blushing ever so slightly before Stan interrupted his thoughts.

"Eddie stop staring, its rude, and get to class." He smiled knowingly before heading after Richie.

Unfortunately, for about 3 years now, Eddie knew he was in deep for Richie. As soon as the losers hit high school, The goofy boy had rocketed to a good 6'3, his cheekbones defining his beautiful face, his freckles looking like constellations even in the sunlight, and his smile brighter then ever. Today he looked especially pretty, in a black turtleneck and ripped jeans, his earrings and black nail polish making him even more irresistible. In other words, he was perfect. Although an annoying trashmouth, Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

"Fuck," he grumbled, hearing the bell ring. Recently he had been late for class almost everyday, his mind causing him to stop and think about Richie about every three seconds. Eddie, unlike Richie, was a phony asthmatic, a good 5'6, had a crooked smile, and mop of curly hair that was a sad imitation of Richie's. He was nothing compared to the object of his affections, and everyone knew it too.

Instead of dealing with walking into class late, Eddie just decided to skip, something extremely unusual for someone like him. He blamed it on the stress of junior year and made his way to Richie's truck to hang out for the last period of the day. Rich drove him home everyday anyway, so it was convenient and practical, it was definitely not because Richie has a blanket in the back that smells just like him.

Eddie spent the hour in the bed of his truck pretty much having a mild panic attack, puffing on his inhaler way more than needed. Now not only Richie was occupying his mind constantly, but the shit about his powers too. He just needed to forget. For almost a whole 10 years eddie had kept his powers in the back of his mind so why were they bubbling so close the surface now? Eddie sat in unmoving state of worry, so zoned out he didnt even hear the dismissal bell ring, a familiar string of curses startling him out of his train of thought.

"Jesus fuck Eds, what the hell !" Richie cursed loudly once catching sight of the boy puffing his inhaler in the back of his truck. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Beverly laughed walking up to the duo, "Shouldve seen your face Rich!" The redhead was smoking on a cigarette while giggling at Richie's flushed face.

Ignoring Beverly, Richie continued, "as much as I like finding cute boys in my car, what the fuck are you doing?" His questioning glance trained on Eddie.

Eddie brushed off the question easily, "I skipped and just came here, no big deal." Hands shaking slightly after coming down from his panic, he rounded to the passenger door, ignoring their shocked expressions.

"You what?!" Bev screeched before running to Eddie and putting her hand to his forehead, "are you feeling okay hun?" She cooed.

"Fuck off Bev, I'm 18 not 5, I just felt like skipping, stop looking at me like that!" He swatted her freckled hand away while snapping for the second time that day. Beverly and Richie looked hardly convinced but dropped the subject anway due to his clearly irritable state. As cute as Eddie was- according to Richie, he was quiet fiery when pissed off.

"Okay well, see you guys later, movie night at Bill's tomorrow." She reminded flippantly before jogging over to Mike's car, where he and the others were waiting for him to take them home.

Richie waved in the direction of the other Losers before joining the boy in the truck and looking over at Eddie, concerned, so he made it a point not to look back at him. Eddie tried to conceal his shaking hands in his jacket but of course Richie, only observant when he didnt want him to be, noticed anyway. The silence was broken all too quickly.

"Eds, what going on? You know you can talk to me right?" Richie whispered into the too quiet truck.

And Eddie was mad, mad because he couldn't tell Richie this time, and he told him everything. Richie was his sole confidant, although he was a walking trashcan, Eddie knew he cared and would listen to anything he had to say. Not this, he reminded himself. Eddie gripped his jacket sleeve until his knuckles turned white and Instead just opted to ignore the question until he arrived home and hopped out of the car before Richie could say anything else. The other boy gave Eddie a quick look of longing and almost reluctantly, the car pulled away and sped down the street as Eddie let out a breathe he didnt know he was holding.

He was fucking pissed. Why did this have to happen now? Why were his powers fucking with him now, why were these memories returning now when he had suppressed them for so long, so effortlessly? Everything just felt... off. Eddie glanced in his front window noticing his mother's looming figure wasnt in her chair, where it was everytime he came home from school. Eddie shivered, it was probably nothing. As he opened the front door he saw his mother in the kitchen, placing back and forth, basically sobbing, Eddie felt his entire stomach drop.

Sonia next panicked words left Eddie's heart plummeting into nothing. "Eddie- they know where you are. You have to leave, now."

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-@jesusbinks