#what is this if heavens grief brings hells rain

[mako-neexu]

i havent read a fic today yet but i saw chinese lesbian fic writers have their enemies to lovers tsundere love story i wish them nothing but happiness

[hellsbroadcaster]

@xluciifer

Your Pajamas So Bigg!

[hellsbroadcaster]

@xluciifer ;; BITES THE UPPER ARM

         .　　. ˚　. ╳ ⊹ �� 𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐄 to see the king of hell again resorting to such barbaric behavior. He smirks, amused with the antics that came with this silly little holiday. It was thrilling, and the moment Lucifer retracted his teeth the RADIO DEMON made great haste in grabbing the king by his collar and lifting him up like a naughty little kitten, bringing him to eye level.  ❛ My turn~  ❜

[airandyeah]

By The Beach Merman Nanami X Reader pt.2

Read Part 1 here ?warnings?: general confusion for all parties, alcohol consumption, excessive use of prescribed medication, let me know if i missed anything?

Y/N's side/3rd person:

Waking up in the morning was always a hassle for Y/N, especially after it already took long enough to fall asleep. She couldn't sleep, those hazel eyes burned into the back of her eyelids every time she closed them. She got up at 8AM, at least according to the bedside clock. She got dressed in simple black shorts and a white tank top, bypassing shoes. As she walked into the kitchen she turned on some music... Heaven knows that I'm born too late For these ghosts that I chase With these dreams, I inflate, painted skies in my brain... King of The Clouds by Panic! At The Disco... What a silly little song. Y/N danced around the kitchen, grabbing a bowl and filling it with cereal to eat, but not before pouring a glass of whiskey and throwing in a hand full of her medication that's supposed to help her depression. She's also supposed to take it with water, but whatever... I don't trust anything Or anyone, below the sun And I don't feel anything At all Feelings are complicated, she decided that a long time ago. So why not take these pills and down these drinks? Why not just... remove the feelings? She closed her eyes and danced around the room... I'm king of the clouds, of the clouds I get lifted, I get lifted King of the clouds, of the clouds I get lifted, I get lifted She was leaning back so far she was about to fall over, getting lost, until that pair of hazel eyes appeared before her closed eyes, she opened them, but they were gone... It had to have been some sick hallucination right? Mermaids don't... exist. Yeah. They don't exist. She drops onto the couch. Imagination, take me somewhere I don't know I'm lost but I better find it alone King of the clouds, of the clouds I get lifted, I get lifted Soon she feels sleep creeping into her eyelids, her last thought is those hazel eyes and that blond hair... I keep searching Oh, I keep searching I keep searching..... ~~~ It was a few days later that she began walking the beach in search of any trace that the night happened. She had her headphones blasting... Just One Yesterday, by Fall Out Boy... Her feet padded through the sand, bare as she walked along the shore, her eyes glued to the line where the water met the sand. "I thought of angels choking on their halos Get them drunk on rose water See how dirty I can get them, pulling out their fragile teeth And clip their tiny wings" She sung the lyrics aloud as she searched. She had bypassed any alcohol when she decided to search. And even took her prescribed 2 pills a day with water in the morning, she was taking this seriously. She didn't want to be clinically insane. " Anything you say can and will be held against you So only say my name, it will be held against you Anything you say can and will be held against you So only say my name" She still remembered every detail... That blond hair, those hazel eyes.... That... that... fire orange colored fish tail.... "If heaven's grief brings hell's rain Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday (I know I'm bad news) For just one yesterday (I saved it all for you) oh" She kept walking, and walking.... she new she was out of it, deep in depression and her own thoughts when it happened.... but she couldn't have walked this far right? " I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way Still, I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday (I know I'm bad news) For just one yesterday (I saved it all for you) For just one yesterday" It was soon after she thought this that she noticed something brown near where high tide would've dragged something... She ran towards it and picked it up... "Letting people down is my thing, baby, find yourself a new gig This town ain't big enough for two of us I don't have the right name o-o-or the right looks But I have twice the he- Suddenly it was like the music stopped, like time itself stopped. In her hands was her old brown T-Shirt with a four leafed clover and a... blood stain. This was it. She used this shirt to treat him! It had really happened! ~~~ Thoughtsss?

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

Aka; an Armand playlist that only has songs from Shah Rukh Khan movies

Season 1 Episode 1: Aaya Tere Dar Par // Veer-Zaara I have broken all bonds with the world For you have come, leaving the world behind On your doorstep, your lover has come He has come, your lover has come

[Sorry for qawwali rocking. It will happen again.]

Season 1 Episode 2: Aa Tayar Hoja // Asoka Once on board the evening ship, get yourself settled in Come on, let's go! The evening shall be ecstasy The lips shall be mine but the thoughts shall be yours

[Needed at least one item number because Rashid!Armand basically served the same function as "I'm not sure what's happening here but I think I like it!"]

Season 1 Episode 3: Jaadu Teri Nazar // Darr Whether you say yes or no Whether you say yes or no Kiran, you're mine Kiran, you're mine

[Might as well throw this banger at the episode where Armand doesn't do anything but get accused of lingering.]

Season 1 Episode 4: Chaiyya Chaiyya // Dil Se Those who’ve been blessed with The shadow of love over their head, Will have heaven under their feet one day

[This claim is a little less impressive when you can float and you're immune to mediocre stars.]

Season 1 Episode 5: Chalak Chalak // Devdas This wine, this wine, yes, this wine, this wine This wine brings with itself The rain of memories It splashes and overflows This wine all around the heart

[Just here because of how often wine and blood are used as metaphors for one another and this episode has really comedically sezualized blood drinking DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT HOW THE END OF THE SONG SIGNALS DOOM...]

Season 1 Episode 6: Baazigar O Baazigar // Baazigar My heart was alone You played such a game I stay up all night in your memories

[And that's a threat by the way.]

Season 1 Episode 7: Aaj Ki Raat // Don

The crazy ones are still unaware of What's going to happen tonight, What will be gained, what will be lost

[Not only is it difficult to know what Armand is doing, it's-]

Season 2 Episode 1: Tumse Milke Dil Ka // Main Hoon Na Check that! Wiiiiicked

[Or, if you prefer: "You don't know what is inside of my heart/You will remember my story."]

Season 2 Episode 2: Where's the Party Tonight // Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna The pleasant songs are playing All lovers are misled So dance all night Where's the party tonight?

[Somewhere down the road!!!... at the combination mansion and vampire all you can eat place.]

Season 2 Episode 3: Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte // Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi I wish someone would love me, even if it’s a lie Even if it’s a lie, yes even if it’s a lie In every lifetime, the colors will change We blossom behind the curtains of dreamland We are travelers on the path of love, We’ll meet again as time goes by

[There are so many bollywood songs that make me feel like I've lived through several lifetimes, especially this one.]

Season 2 Episode 4: Ishq Kameena // Shakti Love is rotten, it has broken every heart Every lover has lost out to love, love has struck me down I find no peace, love is horrible, it makes life miserable

[Good song for an episode with everyone trying and failing to be romantic.]

Season 2 Episode 5: Dard-E-Disco // Om Shanti Om Then the fountain of grief started flowing As the balloon of my dreams burst That's why I now wander London, Paris, New York, L.A. or San Fransisco In my heart is the pain of disco

[... /Mic drop]

Season 2 Episode 6: Marjaani // Billu In the presence of God, I've also made promises I've acted according to the customs of the world Still if the world doesn't understand, then punish it If it agrees with you, then reward it If this crazy world doesn't agree to it then Let the world go to hell and die

[When you are about to be unable to prevent it :(]

Season 2 Episode 7: Dastaan-E-Om Shanti Om // Om Shanti The story goes that the one who recognizes the murderer, That lad has come back. It’s life’s way of telling the murderer That the shadow of death has surrounded him

[Just play this one in reverse because instead of using the trappings of theater to reveal the truth about an ingenue who was burned to death, we are using theater to conceal the truth about an ingenue who was burned to death.]

Season 2 Episode 8: Let's Break Up // Dear Zindagi Let’s break up, oh my love Agree to this We’ll never be able to make it work so let it go Let's break up!

[Yes, let's.]

[deadeyemarkxman]

"Hmm..."

"Perhaps you are my daughter then."

A grin.

" --- glad we have that in common. "

[fullofbees]

The Brothers as songs from my religious trauma playlist;

: ̗̀➛ Lucifer

Witch Image - Ghost

While you sleep in earthly delight Still your soul will suffer this plight Like your father in hell What you've sold you can not unsell

: ̗̀➛ Mammon

Eat Your Young - Hozier (Beckon's Choral Version)

Honey, I want to race you to the table If you hesitate, the gettin' is gone I won't lie, if there's somethin' to be gained There's money to be made, whatever is still to come

: ̗̀➛ Levi

notre dame - Paris Paloma

I'm not a higher power, I just live in the ceiling 'cause I'm lonely on the fringes, and it gives my life some meaning In the exile In my exile

: ̗̀➛ Satan

Eternal - Mallavora

I'm suddenly feeling More different than ever I realise I'm standing On my own The first to awaken The lifetime it's taken And I'm all alone

: ̗̀➛ Asmo

In My Mouth - Black Dresses

I wanna leave this world with you I wanna become something better with you I wanna fuck our bodies into broken shells I wanna go to hell together

: ̗̀➛ Beel

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos

Brother, forgive me We both know I'm the one to blame 'Cause when I saw my demons I knew them well and welcomed them

: ̗̀➛ Belphie

Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday I know I'm bad news For just one yesterday I saved it all for you

•••✦ ❤ ✦••• Read Fics on AO3 | Submit a request •••✦ ❤ ✦•••

[beesinspades]

TRIGUN FIC REC LIST (FOR FANFIC WRITERS APPRECIATION DAY 2023)

For years I haven’t been able to participate much because I barely read any fics anymore, but Trigun has definitely changed that, so here it is! A rec list of every fic I’ve enjoyed so far! I have terrible memory and not enough brain power to leave a note about each one, but I put a ♡ next to every fic I particularly loved! They're all rated G or T, but five of them are rated M (mainly for violence and canon-typical heavy topics). A lot (I mean. a lot.) of them have a Hurt/Comfort tag. Most are Vashwood BUT there are 10+ Gen fics and a couple of Mashwood ones as well :3 Please note some of the fics in this list are not spoiler-free!

VASHWOOD

♡ tell me why your hands are cold (show me how) by desertblooms

Beelio’s comment: the first Trigun fic I ever read, so of course it’s a lil’ bit special to me!

♡ terrors don't prey on innocent victims by procrastinatingbookworm

♡ Heavy Weight by eshtaresht

Beelio’s comment: I only read the Wolfwood POV chapter. As the first ace Vash(wood) I read besides mine, it made me really happy!

The Problem with Making Friends by sad_ghost_kid

half your life you've been hooked on death by procrastinatingbookworm

♡ stars by the pocketful by the_13th_battalion

Beelio’s comment: gave me cavities and i said thank you

♡ a phantom's reverence by bricus27

Beelio’s comment: another one of my favorites!

♡ heaven's grief brings hell's rain by JazzRaft

say it's such a fault by procrastinatingbookworm

A Ship and his Anchor by DerringerMeryl

lazarus wept by Bioluminescent

shepherd my flock by Bioluminescent

Beelio's comment: a really cool concept with Wolfwood as a church grim!

♡ a spark of hope is what i'm after by IceEckos12 

work song by AllegedlyAnnie

♡ Breezeblocks by caffeinefire

two eggs, over easy by AllegedlyAnnie

Beelio’s comment: this one is just so funny. trust me. 

dear star and spring bud, my preachers by elemmacil

"Love nourishes, like the rain. We turn the hills green and fill the creeks so they will sing in their creekbeds." by selcouth_raw 

♡♡♡ water bucket blues by fathomfive

Beelio’s comment: literally begging you to read this. good god. I never read first person pov fics AND YET. probably my favorite Trigun fic!

safeguard by the_13th_battalion

in a phrase to cut these lips by gorgongorgeous

Of Nick and Nicholas Names by theMusicmaniac

♡ under the bloody moonlight by spinoffprotagonist

Even Angels Deserve Guardians by glaivenoct

♡ scattered feathers, shattered glass by SpiritusRex

MASHWOOD

and i'll love the littler things by procrastinatingbookworm

To Touch You by hypermoyashi

GEN

The Sobs of a Bear and the Tears of an Angel by loveandpeanus

♡ How Judas Earned His Name by BrownieFox

♡ nobody said it was easy by procrastinatingbookworm

Beelio’s comment: this gorgeous post-trimax fic made me cry which is a feat in itself

♡ if only there was some way to ease the pain by SpiritusRex

the river brings you home by tissuebocks

♡ For the world that we leave, not the world that we found by RedWritingHood

I wanna feel like the work had some meaning by RedWritingHood

Season of the Witch by tragic_unpaired_electron

What Was Taken, What Was Restored (series) by Anxiety_Elemental

♡ If You Had Not Have Fallen by aboxthecolourofheartache

♡ YOU ARE HERE; or, How to Get Lost in the Desert Without Really Dying by fathomfive

Start here by AsterAspera

Now everyone knows about my tastes in fanfiction. If you read any of them, please leave a nice comment for the author if you can, I'm sure you'll make their day! 💜 Happy Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day to my fellow fic writers! Thank you for feeding me (us) so well.

[charlie-morningstar666]

Look My Way(Charlie’s Version)

Lyrics by me. Tagging @penguinmaster9999 @king--of--ducks @kaiwuzherenz. @the-moth-ex-angel .Sorry for the tag. Just thought I need to)

*Charlie was looking at the view from her balcony. She looks at heaven, before looking at her shaking hands and sighs.*

It is expected…when the happiness become the rain..and the tears keep dropping overnight..feed all the skills I own….I am a princess..the daughter of the king of hell..yet I find myself draw from that path..when the rainbow start crashing ddoowwwnn..

*Charlie summon the key to the hotel, before holding it close and walk back into her room*

Let me hold you..keep you close to me..I long to keep you saaaffeee

*Charlie looks at the picture of the crew which made her tears up*

But loved ones..I know better now..I need to make this choice..

*Charlie put the key down, before make a small light ball from her magic*

I could wash all your pain away..or do you want to keep the grief?….just look my way…just look my wayyyyy

*Charlie begins to make the light ball float into an empty room as she slowly reach out for it*

Is something more that I can do…or is it too late to bring back joy?…just say….please do…look my waaaayyy

*Charlie reach for the ball which vanish and it turns into chains wrap around Charlie’s hands which she froze and tears up*

This unspoken drama..the drama that keep breaking us…am I the one to blame?..am I the villain?…WHAT IS THIS ROOTING PAIN?!

*Charlie push the chains away, before the light turn into the hotel crew all laughing and smiling*

NO MATTER HOW MUCH HAPPINESS I TRIED TO MAKE!!-

*Charlie rush to them, but the light move aside before showing them all sad and in pain*

It’s always turn into sadness and chaos..why can’t I make this right?!…WAIT PLEASE DON’T GGGOOOOOOO

*Charlie rush to the light, before it vanish again which she cover her mouth and fall to her knees*

Cause I’m terrified..as I cried..to make this pain go awaaayyy..what’s left for me and my broken soul..if I cannot keep you…safe?…..

*the scene goes black, before a red color Charlie appears in the dark red space*

Unless it’s me…and no matter what in this world I could give…it’s not enough..

*Charlie turns around to see a yellow color Lucifer..hiding his face inside an dark circle with spears aiming at him*

..to break through the walls..you forced yourself to live…is this what you feel?..

*Charlie went to the circle..gently putting her hand on it*

Push yourself away to only protect them….from the harm…

*Charlie tears up, before pulling her dad out of the circle and made herself be stuck in the circle*

So I’ll give you the mercy..this curse…that I’ve brought…will soon…

End

*Charlie close her eyes..ready for the spears to strike her..but she open her eyes to see the heaven gates and the stairs which she turn into her demon form and begin to run up the stairs*

I WILL TRY AND MAKE AMENDS!!! FOR KEEPING YOU SAFE IS ALL I WANT!!!

*Charlie rush up to see Vaggie, T, Lucifer, and the rest walking towards heaven as she run faster with tears in her eyes*

SO LOOK MY WAY!! PLEASE LOOK MY WAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

*the stairs starting to shatter and collapse which Charlie begins to fall down as she reach her hand out to them as she falls*

AND IF THERE’S SOMETHING MORE THAT I CAN DO!!! I’LL SAVE YOU ALL, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!!!

*Charlie immediately crash into the dark and bloody ground as she tears up and heavily breathing*

If you go….then just please…

LOOK MY WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY

*Charlie close her eyes..before open her eyes again..only to be in her room..laying on the ground as she tears up and curled up*

[winchesterszvonecek]

I See Red 18+

Chapter 24 - Will You Really Fight For Me? Until It Kills Me

Word Count: 8871

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

It was quiet out. The sun had set only moments ago and the first of the winter darkness began to loom over the snowy streets of Sioux Falls. The sky above was slowly filling with clouds, preparing themselves to rain a fresh sheet of snow down onto those brave enough to venture out into the icy chill of the night, which in this case just so happened to be Crowley.

It’s where he’d been for upwards of an hour now. Standing at the end of the driveway with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets as he did nothing but stare out at the street in front of him, watching as the snow that littered the road wore down with each heat-filled car that drove past him. He didn’t care that it was freezing. The cold didn’t bother him, and whilst he could feel the sharp sting of it against his warm skin, it didn’t cause him any sort of pain or discomfort.

If anything, it brought him a touch of relief to feel something other than the small pieces of his heart that had recently shattered inside him. The ones that now felt like they were flowing throughout his body, transferring the excruciating pain in which he’d succumbed to to every single part of him they could reach until they had paralysed him completely. 

And they were close. He knew they were. He could feel it. The heartache deep in his chest was relentless. No matter what he did, or what he told himself might miraculously happen, it continued to chip away at his soul and he knew it was only a matter of time until he broke completely. 

It’s why he’d come outside in the first place, to try and stop it from happening. Why he tore himself away from Selina’s body that still lay on the dining room table. Cold. Stiff. Withering away into nothing as the hands on the clock ticked tauntingly by. He couldn’t handle being near her anymore. He couldn’t handle seeing her like that. Watching as the colour of her skin faded and was replaced with the sickly shade of death as the seconds passed by in which the realisation that she was never coming back slowly began to weigh heavy on his shoulders.  

Crowley had never felt like this before. So numb, yet so paralysed with emotion that his whole body felt like it was three times heavier than it should have been. He hadn’t even felt like this when he first had to let Selina go, because at least then he knew that she would still be out there somewhere. Breathing. Living her life, and whilst she may have been depressingly heartbroken, she would have still very much been alive. But now she wasn’t. Now, because of his own stupid, idiotic decision, Selina was dead and the worst part of it was that he had no idea where her soul was. 

No one could find it. Not himself, not Castiel, not even Heaven as a whole could pinpoint where Selina’s soul was and perhaps that’s why this was so much harder on him than it should have been. If she was in Heaven, then at least she’d be at peace, and even if she hadn’t gone upstairs where she belonged and instead descended into the pit, he’d still have been able to find her. He’d have been able to track her down, save her from whatever torture she might have been enduring and bring her back to him. But he couldn’t even do that as no matter how hard he looked or how many demons he had scouring every inch of Hell, Selina was nowhere to be seen. 

Her soul was lost, and with it, so was his own. He was beside himself with grief — something he’d never once experienced and that’s partially why he’d eventually ventured outside. He couldn’t let those who’d come back into the living room see him crumble at the mere thought that he’d never get to see Selina again. That he’d never get to see the smile she had that left him weak at the knees each time he was lucky enough to be with her. He’d never get to hear her voice again, or the way she would snort softly each time he had her laugh until she cried. 

He’d never get to feel the soft warmth of her touch on his skin when she would cup his face, drag her hands down his arms and chest or even something as simple as holding his hand. But worst of all, he’d never get to see the glisten in her gorgeous eyes when she looked at him, with so much love clouded over her pupils that he almost couldn’t believe it was directed at him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her love, yet he was somehow lucky enough to have gotten it. 

Only now, because of his own moronic decision, he’d never get a chance to tell her that — how lucky he was to have been able to be with her, regardless of how short a time together they had actually had. He’d never get to experience any of the things he loved about her again because the truth was that he had lost her. Hell, he couldn’t even bring himself to look at a photo of Selina as he knew it would never compare to the real thing and if anything, it would destroy him completely to see her as she once was when he knew he’d never get to experience it again in person. 

The fact of the matter is that he had lost everything . And the more time he spent staring off into space, the more he came to realise it had all been for nothing. He should have hunted down those who were opposed to their relationship and ended that, instead of ending the best thing that had ever happened to him — getting the throne of Hell, included.

Letting Selina go had been the worst decision he’d ever made in all his long years and now, because of that, there was a family in the house behind him mourning the loss of their beloved sister. The one who only ever deserved the best, and whose death they would more than likely never bounce back from. 

Crowley could tell they blamed him for it, even if they didn’t explicitly say so themselves, he could see it in their eyes. The way they looked at him, with tight knit eyebrows and tense jaws, it was only a matter of time before they snapped and that’s another reason as to why he’d left the warmth of Jody’s home and come outside. He didn’t have it in him to deal with a grieving Sam, or an angry Dean, and so he hoped to remain alone until the harrowing time came where they had to burn Selina’s body, after which they’d never see him again.

However, it was as if the universe couldn’t grasp that he needed to be left alone and instead continued to throw punches at him as soon enough, he began to hear the soft crunch of snow coming from behind him. He knew that meant that someone was approaching him, and given the lightness to the footsteps he knew it wasn’t Sam, Dean or Castiel. More than likely it was Claire, who’d been the one to give him Selina’s necklace back after breaking his heart even more by telling him Selina had taken it off seconds before she died. 

But when Crowley turned, about to politely tell Claire he wasn’t up to explaining the laws of the afterlife to her anymore, his heartbeat quickly slowed to halt as, it wasn’t Claire who had been cautiously approaching him… 

It was Selina. 

Some way — somehow — Selina was alive and walking ever so slowly towards him , fiddling anxiously with the sleeves of her blood soaked jacket as she tried her hardest not to cry. And Crowley could tell that she was from the way her lip wobbled. From the way she bit absently at the skin on her bottom one, making him want to reach out and run his thumb down them just to stop her from doing so as over the course of her life she’d developed a bad habit of biting it until she bled. 

Although this time, to Crowley’s surprise, she stopped on her own — as did all other movements she may have been making as she came to a slow halt about ten feet in front of him. Her eyes were already glistening in the light of the moon that peeked through a crack in the dark clouds cascading over them, allowing Crowley to see that which he never thought he would again — her love, shining brighter than ever as she stared so deep into his soul he could feel it stitching itself back together.

“Did you mean it?” Selina eventually said, her voice cracking terribly as she wiped furiously at the tears that had leaked from her eyes. She’d already cried enough in the last few hours to fill a bathtub, she didn’t need to cry anymore. “Will you really fight for me?”

The question was unnecessary, Selina knew that. She’d already heard the words fall from Crowley’s very own lips, and she’d even gotten a sneak peek at the end of the life they might have to fight to look forward to, but she didn’t care. She needed to hear him say it again. She needed to hear him , the present day version that she loved, say it to her soul, not just her empty vessel. 

“Until it kills me,” Crowley replied instantly, feeling his heart piece slowly back together with each small step she began to take towards him. He didn’t know how she had heard him. Where her soul had been to allow her to know of the desperate pleas he’d cried over her body, but much like Selina, he didn’t care. She was here. She was back, and she had heard him, and that’s all that truly mattered to him. “Because I love you, Selina, and I never should have let you go.” 

“You did exactly what you were supposed to,” Selina sniffled, once again wiping at her tear-filled eyes as Crowley narrowed his in question. 

However, she didn’t answer that question and before Crowley could open his mouth to ask it aloud, she had come running towards him and quite literally jumped into the safety of his arms, almost knocking him off his feet in the process of hugging him as tightly as her strength would allow her to. His arms wrapped around her instantly, his hands sliding beneath the cool leather of her jacket to feel the gentle warmth that had returned to her body. 

Oh, how he’d longed to hold her again. 

“God, I missed you so much,” Crowley whispered into the crook of her neck, increasing his hold on her out of fear that she’d be so cruelly taken away from him again. “And I promise you, I’m going to do whatever I can to make it up to you.” 

“You don’t need to do that,” Selina said softly, drawing her head back just a little and forcing Crowley to lift his own back up to face her, allowing her to see the redness to his eyes and for once, it wasn’t because of his essence. “I already forgive you and like I said, you didn’t do anything you weren’t supposed to.” 

“Darling, I do believe you’ve lost me,” Crowley said in confusion, his eyes once again narrowing.

“Let’s just say I got a sneak peek into how the universe really works,” Selina replied, rather mysteriously to say the least — looks like ways of Death had rubbed off on her a little. 

“Oh?” Crowley’s eyebrows raised as his curiosity piqued. “Care to share?”

“Maybe one day,” Selina said with a smile, which only widened when Crowley frowned playfully and it was kind of hard to believe they hadn’t been together this whole time with how easily they fell back into the swing of things. “But for now…” 

Selina cut herself off when she grabbed Crowley by the knot of his tie and pulled him closer towards her, kissing him as though it was the first time she’d ever tasted him and even to Crowley himself, it felt like that first kiss all over again. Hungry. Heated. Passionate. With all the appropriate hair gripping and face cupping one might expect, yet at the same time it was incredibly gentle. Soft and slow, as this time… they didn’t have to rush out of fear of being found out as everyone Selina deemed as important already knew — which only seemed to add to the pleasure the kiss was giving her. 

All in all, it was perfect. As though the stars had realigned above them and when Selina’s hand dropped from around Crowley’s neck to land upon his chest, she felt their hearts beat as one and she knew… Despite everything she had previously seen or learned, this moment right here was when she knew that they were truly meant to be together. 

As the kiss went on and the more engulfed in the smell, taste and all round essence of the demon she loved it became almost too much for Selina to handle so soon after her resurrection and so she pulled away, gasping softly for breath yet never once allowing her hands to fall from Crowley’s body or her forehead to part from his. 

“I do believe your family just watched you do that,” Crowley exhaled, equally as out of breath as he glanced briefly to his side to see the six pairs of eyes that watched them through the blinds. 

“I know,” Selina replied, with no indication that she cared if they had or not — as she didn’t. She was tired of hiding Crowley from the world, so they were just going to have to get used to seeing her kiss him in front of them. “I sort of came straight out here after they almost hugged me back to death so they’re probably still waiting on an explanation as to where I was.” 

“And where might that be?” Crowley asked curiously, his eyebrows rising once again. 

“You’ll see,” Selina smiled, before leaning in to kiss him again. And, as if the moment couldn't get more perfect, it started to snow, and the moment she felt that first icy flake land on her nose Selina drew back just an inch and whispered softly, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Crowley replied, watching as another snowflake floated down between them and landed directly on Selina’s cheek. It melted on impact almost instantly, and when it absorbed into her skin, causing a small circle of light red to form he leaned in, pressing a warm kiss to the exact spot and sending a fresh wave of goosebumps over every inch of her body. 

Soon enough the sky opened more and the falling flakes started to grow increasingly heavy around them. Selina pulled away and started to back up the drive towards the house, hearing the soft crunch of the fresh snow beneath her feet with each careful step she took. She then held out her hand, wiggling her fingers a touch as though encouraging Crowley to take it as it seemed like she was going to have to physically drag him back inside with her and out of the incoming blizzard. 

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” Crowley said quietly, clearly hesitant about going back inside. 

“You won’t,” Selina assured him, even though she was on the fence about that answer herself. And Crowley clearly knew that as he still didn’t move so much as inch towards her, causing her to walk back over to him and take his hand tightly in hers, feeling the never-fading warmth of his skin ripple across the brewing coldness of her own. “I want you to stay.”

Unable to bring himself to say no to her under any circumstances, let alone so soon after her almost permanent death, Crowley’s brow softened. He then stepped forward, bringing his free hand up to gently cup the side of her face and using his thumb to wipe away another moist drop of snow that landed just below her sparkling eyes.

“Then I’ll stay,” He whispered, causing a heartwarmingly wide smile to spread across Selina’s face. She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before eventually he allowed her to drag him all the way back to the house with her — where, once the door clicked shut after them those inside quickly scattered, not-so-nonchalantly acting as though they hadn’t just been spying on the two of them through the blinds. 

“You gonna tell us how the hell you’re back now?” Dean asked the second they turned the corner into the living room, focusing his attention solely on his sister and not the demon whose hand she was still holding as it made him sick to even think about. 

“Soon,” Selina replied — a little coldly as she could tell what Dean was thinking by the way his jaw tightened each time his eyes flicked towards her. “I want to get showered and change into something more comfortable first, so in the meantime… Try not to kill each other.”  

“No promises,” Dean grumbled, before slouching down into the spare spot on the couch and immediately eyeing up the half drunk bottle of scotch that sat on the table in front of him — which didn’t exactly help instil anymore confidence in Selina that they wouldn’t kill each other whilst she was gone. 

“Cas, I’m leaving you in charge,” Selina said towards the angel, who was honestly the only one she could fully trust to keep the peace. He nodded once towards her in understanding, before flashing Jody an apologetic smile as she frowned disapprovingly at being overruled inside her own house. 

Then, after she was sure too much damage wouldn’t occur in her absence, Selina gave Crowley’s hand a quick, comforting squeeze before she grabbed the bag she’d dumped in the corner of the room when they had arrived and headed for the stairs. It was like she hadn’t just died bloody with the way she skipped up them, faintly humming the tune to an old rock song as she left her family and Crowley alone in the living room together. 

She knew it was risky, lord knows she did, but she also knew they’d all have to learn to get along together if they ever wanted to live amicably. And if there was anything Selina wanted more than the last three months of her life back, it was to be able to live out the rest of it in peace. 

However, that more than likely wouldn’t be happening any time soon as the very second Selina disappeared from the top of the stairs, a thick fog of awkwardness and hostility swept over the entirety of the room. No one dared say anything. Nor did they risk looking anywhere other than the floor beneath them — not without Selina there to keep the peace anyway, as the last thing they would want was to have her come back downstairs to what would most likely be a deeply heated argument. 

Or worse, a living room brawl that consisted heavily of everyone in the room fighting to keep Dean from brutally murdering Crowley. He’d already broken into that scotch again and was slowly sipping on it, which in hindsight may not have been a particularly good idea, but at least it kept him distracted… For the most part.

As for everyone else, they all stayed quiet and alert. Claire and Alex had gone back to bickering with each other over who had more room on the couch but aside from that, the faint ticking of the clock on the wall and Castiel’s soft footsteps as he slowly paced before the window, the room had fallen into rather tense silence.

Only, to those blessed with the ability of what Selina had once described as supersonic hearing, there was one other sound that they could vaguely make out. One that could override even the most hostile of tensions. This one included. It was a sound which, whether it had been from Selina being dead or simply because she hadn’t been the same since the break-up, neither Castiel nor ever thought they’d get the pleasure of hearing again. 

And that was… Selina singing in the shower.

They never thought they’d get to hear it again so soon after she came back. They had both assumed it would take Selina a little while to get back to the roots of who she had once been as overcoming what she’d gone through was no easy feat that could be accomplished overnight. Yet here she was, back to her usual, carefree self and already comfortable enough to perform a solo concert in the steamy confines of Jody’s bathroom — which, given that her resurrection had been a miraculous endeavour on its own, was just the cherry on top of a rather delicious sundae.

In fact, for Crowley, it was more like a handful of cherries as he couldn’t even begin to describe how much he’d missed that sound. Missed hearing it as he lay in bed, forbidden from entering the bathroom after her as Selina was always so afraid she’d go home smelling like sulphur thus exposing their secret. She used to spend upwards of an hour thoroughly washing her hair and body, and the whole entire time she would sing, leaving Crowley with nothing else to do but sit back and bask in it. And boy would he ever. 

There was never a moment of it that he didn’t treasure. That he hadn’t locked away inside his mind for rainy days as he leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, shutting out everything that wasn’t the, for lack of a better word, heavenly sound of Selina’s voice. 

And as he sat there now, his fingers tapping anxiously on his leg and his heart warming in his chest, the faint sound of Selina putting her heart and soul into parts of the most random songs that came drifting down the stairs was enough to make him forget about his surroundings. It was enough to make him forget that Dean was firing grim looks at him over the rim of his glass, no doubt cooking up ways he could potentially kill him without causing Selina too much misery and despair. 

It was enough to make him forget that he’d just spent the last… However, many hours holding Selina’s cold, limp hand as she lay dead next to him. But most importantly, it was enough to make him smile widely. Fondly even. As though he were hearing it again for the very first time, and with each melodic tone that left Selina’s lips that smile continued to grow until it had caught the attention of every single person surrounding him. And, unluckily for him, the one that he least wanted to talk to right now, just had to be the one who went and broke the now comforting silence.   

“What are you smiling at?” Dean asked bitterly, watching as Crowley slowly shifted in his seat and forced the once love-filled smile to fall swiftly from his face.

Clearing his throat, Crowley’s eyes shifted briefly towards Dean — just in time to catch the slight whiteness to his knuckles as he increased his grip on his glass at the mere handful of seconds in which he was forced to wait for an answer. He didn’t even care if it was an appropriate amount of time for someone to take when deciding to respond, it was angering him — Intensely. Probably because it was Crowley, his sister’s demonic boyfriend — God, it really pained him even thinking that — whose response he was waiting on. 

Luckily though, before the eldest Winchester ended up whirling the empty glass directly at his head Crowley went against his better judgement and decided to answer with nothing more than the plain, heartfelt truth that Selina was singing. And just like that, both Sam and Dean’s faces softened instantaneously. 

Even Crowley himself couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at his lips again when Selina interrupted her singing to swear at a bottle that had fallen over — before immediately getting back into her concert that caused his heart to flutter with each and every word. 

“I never thought I’d hear that again,” Sam said softly, despite the fact that couldn't even hear it himself. 

But at least someone could and that’s really all that was important right now. For him anyway. Dean on the other hand… Well, he didn’t think that was any reason for them to celebrate as to him, Selina never should have had to stop singing in the first place. Yes, it may have annoyed him sometimes — especially early in the morning when her voice would drift through the bunkers vents and wake him up, but he had never wanted it to stop. 

At least, not in the way that it did. 

He never would have wanted Selina to have stopped singing solely because she was in so much pain that she could no longer bring herself to want to feel anything even remotely close to joy. Pain that he was still coming to terms with learning had all been because of a demon. That this whole ordeal — Selina’s death, not to mention her deep spat of depression — had been entirely because of Crowley, and perhaps that’s why this moment had pissed Dean off much more than it should have. 

“You know, you have some nerve to sit there and smile ,” Dean scoffed, uncurling one finger from around his glass to point directly at Crowley. “You have some nerve to come in here and act as though you aren’t entirely at fault for everything that’s happened lately.” 

“Dean,” Sam warned, lifting himself from where he’d been resting on the arm of the chair. “Don’t start this again.” 

“Oh, I never finished,” Dean exhaled angrily, slamming his glass down on the table so hard it made the girls sitting across from him jump. He then got to his feet, catching a glimpse of trenchcoat from the corner of his eye as Castiel edged his way slowly, and nervously, towards him. “You see, I never got a chance to tell Crowley how the woman he “claims ” to love so much had to be put on suicide watch for the past three months because she was so broken… So destroyed — because of him — that every single moment she had to live was nothing but complete and utter agony.”

With anger now coursing through his veins and his teeth clenching, Crowley got abruptly to his feet, forcing Sam and Castiel to each take another step towards them should that living room brawl well and truly break out. For a moment, that’s where this was leading. To an anger-induced fist fight, and they were fully prepared to deal with that. They were fully ready to pull the two of them apart by the scruff of their collars and put Dean to sleep in order to calm the situation down. 

Only, as Crowley went to square up to Dean in order to begin in giving him a stern piece of his mind before knocking him off his feet, as he fully intended to, he suddenly stopped. Then, his shoulders sank low and as quickly as his anger brewed, it was gone. Replaced with nothing but the strong sensation of guilt as… Dean was right. Selina’s death… Or rather, her apparent suicide driven by her inability to deal with her heartache anymore had been entirely his fault and deep down, he knew… He knew that he deserved this. He knew he deserved to have his ass handed to him, both physically and verbally, by those whom he’d forced to pick up the pieces of the woman he loved. 

Therefore, he simply couldn’t bring himself to argue back. Nor could he even bring himself to stay another second in that room and before Dean could egg him on any further into that fist fight, Crowley vanished, leaving those left in the living room rather puzzled at his sudden abandonment of an argument that he normally would have pleasantly enjoyed participating in. But like he said, he wasn’t in the mood to argue. Especially over something such as this, so instead he opted to go to the one place… the one person rather , whose blame for this was the only one he’d ever truly take to heart. 

Selina — who, thankfully, was now out of the shower and fully dressed in a pair of clean, comfy pyjamas as opposed to the bloody outfit that was now a reminder of what had happened. She was still in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror with her hair dripping wet and leaving dark spots on the fabric of what was once Sam’s favourite red t-shirt, the shade of which matched the flush on her cheeks perfectly and it wasn’t all that surprising to see that the rest of her skin was also still a deep shade of red. 

Crowley knew well that she often enjoyed her showers hot enough to almost burn her skin and by the steam still covering the bathroom mirror, today was no exception. She’d absolutely had the dial turned up as far as it would go, yet for once it didn’t bother him to see that she was willingly putting herself in a situation that could potentially be bad for her. All he cared about was the fact that she was here to put herself in that situation and for now, that’s the only thing he cared about. 

Taking a small step forward, Crowley watched as Selina raised her hand and in one quick swipe she had erased the steam that once covered the small oval mirror, allowing her to see that Crowley was now standing behind her and by his guess, not to mention the small jump of her shoulders, she absolutely had not been expecting to see him there. 

Nevertheless, she was glad he was and so, still gazing at him in the mirror, Selina smiled. Warmly. Lovingly.  And not just with her lips, but with her eyes as well and that was all Crowley needed to feel his heart practically burst in his chest as he never thought he’d get to see that, particular smile again. Then, without his mind having a clue as to what his feet were doing, he moved towards her — until there was nothing more than an inch separating them and, almost nervously, he raised his hand, lightly brushing his fingertips up the length of her arm as he never once drew his eyes away from the reflection of hers.

For a moment there, when he saw that oh so addicting smile, he couldn’t help but think that this had all been a dream. But now, as his touch increased in pressure and Selina began to lean back into him, he came to realise that this was very much real life. She was alive. She was here. And most importantly, she had forgiven him. Somehow, she’d found it in her heart to forgive him for everything and by her next words, it was almost like none of it had ever even remotely happened. 

“If you wanted to see me all soaped up and naked, I’m afraid you’re far, far too late.” Selina flirted, hooking her teeth over bottom lip as she slowly began to turn around in the light, comforting hold he had on her.

Only, Crowley wasn’t here to flirt with her. Surprisingly. Nor was he here to see her all soaped up and naked — which was even more of a shock as he’d never once shrugged off the opportunity to see that or acted as though it hadn’t bothered him. No, this time he was here for one thing and one thing only.

To hug her. 

And he did. Instantly. The second he remembered why he’d come up here instead of staying downstairs to fight with Dean, he wrapped his arms around her the very moment she faced him and within seconds, he had pulled her as tightly against him as he could without hurting her. 

It had very clearly taken Selina by surprise to be pulled into such a tight, lung-moving restricting hug when things had started out so soft and gentle. For a moment, she was nothing more than a stiff board against his body as it took her mind a second to realise what was happening. But when she did. When she came to realise what had most likely happened downstairs and what Crowley needed from her, she immediately loosened up and slipped her own arms around his body as best she could, holding him equally as tight and feeling as he shifted the position of his head in order to bury his face in the crook of her neck. 

At one time, such vulnerability from Crowley would have shocked her deeply. To see a demon so in touch with their emotions as Crowley was, was such a strange thing for a hunter to experience. Not to mention rare. Or rather, non-existent to be exact as in her lifetime, Selina had only ever come across two demons who were capable of showing emotions. Crowley being one of them, of course, and as for the other, well, she hadn’t exactly met him herself but she’d seen the videos. The ones which opened up a whole new wave of opportunities for them when they learned that demons could be cured. 

Obviously, there was a common theme with both demons in that they’d been exposed to copious amounts of human blood before they were able to experience such emotions, but despite all that, it was still such a strange thing to see. Yet, no matter how much may have baffled her to see Crowley cry or to have him express genuine feelings to her, Selina would never change it for a second. Not even when she felt her neck begin to dampen again — and this time, it wasn’t because of her hair. 

Crowley was crying again and it broke her heart to see him like this so she pulled back a touch, once again causing him to lift his head to face her. He could see himself in the mirror over her shoulder. How weak he looked. How pathetic he was with his red-rimmed eyes and the tears that rolled slowly down his cheek, but he didn’t care. He’d almost lost his one true heart and soul for good, and if that wasn’t reason enough to be overtly emotional, then he didn’t know what was. 

“I thought I’d lost you for good,” Crowley finally let out, forcing down the thick lump that was trying its hardest to rise up his throat. 

“I know,” Selina said softly, bringing her hands up and using one thumb to wipe away the lonesome tear that had rolled down his cheek before she cupped his face entirely. 

And when she did, he could have wept. 

“But I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere,” Selina carried on, drawing both her thumbs across the lining of his beard — the same way she knew would always bring him comfort and if anything, only brought his tears on more given that he thought he’d lost it forever. “I promise you that.” 

“Can you promise such a thing?” Crowley asked hesitantly, his heart breaking just speaking the words let alone hearing what she may respond with. “With the way Dean is…” 

“You let me worry about Dean,” Selina cut him off, her voice stern as she seethed internally over whatever nonsense her brother might have spewed downstairs to have Crowley like this. “He’ll come around eventually… Especially when he learns the truth.” 

“Truth? What truth?”

“That you and I are destined to be together… And that we always were,” Selina confessed, watching as Crowley’s eyes slowly widened as the realisation of what she was so clearly implying set in in his mind. 

“Are you saying…” 

“We’re soulmates, Crowley,” Selina said plainly, hearing the shuddered, shaky breath Crowley sucked in as he tried to comprehend what he’d just heard. 

He’d always known soulmates were real — rare nonetheless, but completely real. Carved into the very fabric of the universe by the Gods themselves and to hear that he was a part of it? He almost couldn’t believe it. Not just because he was a demon and didn’t technically have a soul, but because, even in his human life, he hadn’t done anything even remotely deserving of a soul mate.

Selina had though. She’d done more than her fair share of soulmate worthy deeds, so perhaps this wasn’t about him at all. Perhaps this wasn’t hisreward for things he’d done, but was in fact, all about Selina. About her reward for the things she's been through. The things she’d sacrificed to make the world a little safer for those living in it. 

Of course, Crowley could think of about a million other things she deserved as a reward more than him. But if he was what she truly wanted. If she really desired to spend the rest of her life with him, then he wouldn’t deny her that. He couldn’t. He loved her, and most importantly she loved him, which soulmate revelation aside was a miracle in itself given his history. But if Selina could look past that. If she could forgive him… If she could love him despite the things he’d done, then so could he. He had to. If he ever wanted to live happily with the woman he loved then he needed to let go of all of that, and he most certainly had to stop taking what those around him said to heart.  

“And I have this to prove it,” Selina carried on, dropping her hand and digging quickly into her pocket to produce a small, silver bullet from within. She held it up between her thumb and forefinger, watching as Crowley’s brows knit together as he tried to place the bullet in the mass of memories that resided in his mind. 

Then, a few seconds later, his eyebrows shot back up and his eyes widened, “Is that…” 

“The bullet that should have killed you?” Selina finished for him and Crowley nodded. “Mhm, and the only reason it didn’t kill you is because I was the one who pulled the trigger.” 

“I always wondered how that happened,” Crowley exhaled, reaching up to gently take the bullet from between her fingers. 

“Death said that no matter how hard we might have tried, we’d never have been able to kill one another.” 

“Death?” Crowley repeated, closing his fist around the bullet and glancing back up at Selina. “Is he the one who had your soul?” 

Selina nodded, “He wanted to talk to me before he sent me back.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the old suit for bringing you back to me but I have to ask… why? Why would he do that of his own free will?” 

“Because it wasn’t my time,” Selina said, once again drawing Crowley’s eyebrows together. She then went on to tell him everything. What she’d heard. What she’d seen — well, most of it. She left out the ending and the fact that Crowley turned human for her as she didn’t want to overwhelm him. Or scare him, as he could be quite skittish and question-dodging when it came to their future together so it was for the best that she keep that to herself for now. 

Other than that though, she told him everything and spared no detail either.

By the end of it, Crowely was overwhelmed with a wide range of emotions — relief being the most prominent of them all as he gladly came to learn that their continuing relationship would no longer pose a risk to Selina’s life. He didn’t even feel as much guilt and regret as he had done over letting her go in the first place. As had he not, then by the sounds of what had been written in her death book he really would have lost her for good and if the way he’d been early was any indication as to how he’d have managed with that, then the chances are he wouldn’t have been alive himself for much longer afterwards. 

“Do you see now why I was so quick to forgive you?” Selina asked softly, continuing to draw her thumbs along the lining of Crowley’s beard as she loved the feeling of how he’d lean into her touch with every gentle motion.

“I do,” Crowley nodded, “But don’t think I won’t be spoiling you every single chance I get.” 

“You know I could never say no to a little spoiling,” Selina chuckled, leaning in to peck a soft kiss to the smile that had widened on his face. She then drew back a touch, guiding her eyes from his lips up to his own and staring deep into them, watching as the love she’d once longed to see directed at her stood loud and proud in the centre of them. “Promise me something…” 

“Anything.” 

“Promise me that this is it… That there’ll be no more messing around… No more secrets. No more pain… Promise me that from this moment right here, no matter what might happen down the line, that it’ll be just us.” 

“I promise you,” Crowley said softly, his heartwarming as even though Selina had heard from Death himself that the two of them were destined to be together, she still sought out assurance from him. He raised his hands, taking hers from aside his face and placing a soft kiss to both of wrists, feeling the gentle beat of her pulse beneath her skin. “From this moment forth, it’ll only ever be us.” 

With a sniffle, Selina smiled. Then, before her heart could burst from her chest and land in Crowley’s hands she leaned in, pressing the sweetest, most tender kiss to his lips that he had ever felt. And that she had ever given as in all her life — all the people she’d been with, she’d never once kissed any of them like this. She’d never once loved any of them like this and truthfully, it still scared her a little to feel such deep and intense love for one single person — especially when she knew she still had to explain that love to Dean and try and get him on board with the whole demon-hunter relationship. 

But if anything, that love only gave her more strength of which she needed to be able to do so. After all, she was essentially going to have to fight for it and if there’s one thing Selina was a near expert at, it was fighting for those she loved. After all, her entire life had been about fighting for her family therefore she knew that one measly talk with Dean about growing up and getting over the whole all demons are evil mindset he had would be easy. 

Perhaps even more so than she would have thought as when Selina eventually ventured back downstairs after sending Crowley ahead of her whilst she finished up, she soon found out that Death had paid a little visit whilst she was gone. Not to reap someone, as people might expect, but instead to tell those she had left waiting for answers exactly what she had been upstairs telling Crowley. 

Honestly, it had come as such a relief to find out Death had spilled the beans himself. She really didn’t have it in her to ramble on about all that again, and something told her he’d probably know that. They were connected after all so chances are he’d felt her strong reluctantly to want to tell everyone that her and Crowley were soulmates and opted to spare her the hassle of having to do so herself so soon after coming back from the dead — which she greatly appreciated and she couldn’t help but think he deserved a little basket of mini muffins as a thanks. 

In the meantime though, with the truth finally out there, Selina felt as free as she could ever possibly dream of being. In fact, she felt so free that when she entered the living room to find everyone, minus Dean, in a slightly better mood than when she left them she didn’t choose to sit on the small gap on the sofa between Dean and the girls like she would have at one point. No, instead, she opted to sit in the adjacent arm chair… Right on Crowley’s lap.  

However when she did, pecking a short and sweet kiss to his lips when he wrapped one arm around her waist the second she leaned against, Dean let out a scoff of disgust and stood up, grabbing his bottle of scotch before heading for the door as he’d rather stand outside in the cold than have to witness anymore of public displays of affection. At that, Selina’s once happy mood seemed to outwardly deflate. Her shoulders sank and a frown tugged at her lips as she sighed. Guess having Death explain that she and Crowley were soulmates just wasn’t enough to warrant Dean’s blessing, so it looked like she was going to have to have that dreaded conversation after all.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” Selina whispered, flashing Crowley a thin-lipped, partially reassuring smile as she slid off his lap and quickly disappeared out the door after Dean before he could make sure she was okay — or even give her his coat as she was heading out there with nothing but a short-sleeved t-shirt covering her upper half. 

Selina felt the intense chill the second the front door closed behind her, but it was too late to go back inside as Dean had already spotted her from where he stood — against the Impala with his arms folded and snowflakes already coating the back of his head as he stared aimeslessy down at the ground. He hadn’t touched the bottle of scotch yet, which sat on the roof of the car with the same amount of alcohol in it that there had been when he left, so perhaps this conversation wouldn’t go down as badly as Selina couldn’t help but think that it would.

“Dean, I know you’re mad at me,” Selina said carefully, followed by the soft crunch of her footsteps in the snow as she made her way towards him. “I know you’re pissed that I fell in love with Crowley…” 

“That’s not why I’m pissed,” Dean interrupted, yet he never even bothered lifting his head from where he was staring at his own footsteps. 

“No?” Selina said, in disbelief to tell the truth yet she couldn’t help but allow her voice to break with her next sentence — as it had been what she feared from the very day she gave into temptation. “Because from where I’m standing it seems like you can’t even be in the same room with the two of us together… At least, not without looking like you want to murder the man I love right in front of me.” 

“You know I would never do that to you,” Dean said defensively. It may have been on his mind at one time or another but he would never , evereven think of doing such a thing if he knew it would hurt Selina — regardless of whether or not it involved Crowley. 

“Then what is it?” Selina asked exasperatedly, taking another step further into the icy tundra that had become Jody’s driveway. “What is it that’s made you so pissed that you can’t even stand to look at me?” 

“It's because you didn’t trust me, alright?” Dean blurted out, a little more harshly than he meant and even Selina seemed so taken aback by his abrupt and rough voice that her eyes had started to water. It could have been from his tone or simply the snowflakes that coated her lashes, but either way Dean hated that they were and with a regretful sigh he straightened, finally lifting his head to look her in the eye. “You told everyone the truth about you and Crowley except me… Me? 

“How do you think that makes me feel? Huh? To find out that Cas , someone you didn’t trust for an entire year when you first met him, knew before I did?” Dean carried on, pushing off the car to take a few slow steps towards her, “I get telling Sam, you know the twin thing, but Selina come on, I’m your big brother… I looked out for you. I protected you from dad your entire life and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me?”  

“You don’t think I wanted to?” Selina said, her voice cracking as she choked through her words. “You don’t think I wouldn’t have given everything to be able to tell you, because I would have. I’d have done whatever I had to in order to finally tell you, but Dean how could I? How could I have risked telling you something as big as that when every single time Crowley had been around you threatened to kill him?” 

“That’s only because I didn’t know that you…” Dean hesitated, unsure whether he could bring himself to say it. “That you… You…

“That I love him?” Selina said softly for him, and Dean nodded. “So now that you know… Are you saying you don’t want to kill him anymore?” 

“If it’ll hurt you, then no… I don’t want to kill him anymore,” Dean said seriously, before his lips curled upwards into a playful yet scheming smile, “But that’s not to say I won’t lock his ass in the dungeon anytime he annoys me.” 

“You always were such a flirt, Dean,” said Crowley himself, who had suddenly appeared beside Selina and made her jump once again — as well as making Dean roll his eyes before reaching out for his bottle of, now incredibly chilled, scotch.

“What are you doing out here?” Selina asked, glancing to her side to see Crowley in the process of taking off his coat. 

“Making sure you don’t freeze to death,” Crowley replied, wrapping his coat securely around Selina’s shoulders and engulfing her in the warmth of his body heat that still lingered in the fabric. She pulled it across her chest, only now feeling the chill of the air surrounding her and in that moment, as she tilted her head down and took in the alluring scent of his coat, she couldn’t be more grateful.

“Thank you,” she whispered, smiling briefly over the edge of the dark fabric that she still had pulled up against her chin. 

“You’re welcome, darling,” Crowley replied, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and feeling as she leaned into him as he placed a soft kiss against the side of her head. 

“You really love her, don’t you?” Dean asked, the smile on Selina's face and the look in Crowley’s eyes when he saw it being all he needed to know that Crowley wasn’t just doing all this as some sort of evil plot to get back at them for the trials.

“More than you know,” Crowley replied sincerely, watching as Dean pressed his lips together tightly and slowly nodded his head. He then stepped towards them, causing both Crowley and Selina to suck in their breaths as they couldn't help but think he was going to do something stupid. 

But all Dean did, or rather all he said was the only thing he’d truly care about when it came to his sister’s relationship, “You take care of her.” 

“I plan to,” Crowley said, and it was all Dean needed to hear for him to nod once and head back inside out of the cold. 

At that, Selina let out all the air she’d been holding in her lungs as what she could only describe as a weak chuckle. She never thought it would be that easy to get Dean on board with their relationship, and she had fully intended to have to fight for it. And hard too, as Dean was more stubborn than her and that was saying something. But by some blessed fate, all he’d been annoyed about was her having not told him the truth. To think, had she just manned up and told him all those weeks ago then maybe things wouldn’t have been as hard as they were and perhaps she wouldn’t have felt so nauseous all the time either. 

But no matter how much she wished she could, she couldn’t change the past. All she could do was alter the future and hopefully for the best. She already saw how it ended, but how it got there? Well, that was something to look forward to and now that she was back and no longer had to live her life in the shadows… She simply couldn't wait to get started.

The End 🖤

[wutheringmights]

New CTB Music (2023 Update)

It's that time of year where I get to tell you all about some choice songs for CTB that I found (check the 2021 and 2022 posts).

Just like last time, I'll keep this to music that hasn't come up yet on this blog.

Letter to an Old Poet - boygenius

You're not special, you're evil You don't get to tell me to calm down You made me feel like an equal But I'm better than you And you should know that by now

Miner’s Canary - Vanessa Carlton

A sentinel so sensitive You have to lose me just to feel the state you're in You're bound to darkness A miner's canary

Eat Your Young - Hozier

Come and get some Skinnin' the children for a war drum Puttin' food on the table sellin' bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

Without Love - LMYK

And I kept holding on to the power and lost My freedom I guess I had to learn, there is no freedom Without love

Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers

I hate you for what you did And I miss you like a little kid

July - Noah Cyrus

So tell me to leave I'll pack my bags, get on the road Find someone that loves you Better than I do, darling, I know 'Cause you remind me every day I'm not enough, but I still stay

Strangers - Ethel Cain

I tried to be good, am I no good? Am I no good? Am I no good? With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours? Can I be yours? Just tell me I'm yours If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick

Family Tree (Intro) - Ethel Cain

Jesus can always reject his father But he cannot escape his mother's blood He'll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers But he'll never escape what he's made up of

Just One Yesterday - Fallout Boy

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

How Can I Make It Okay? - Wolf Alice

How can I make it okay? I just want you to be happy [...] Nothing else is as important as that to me

[azulaang-chakras]

This is going to read like the most pretentious and self-indulgent thing on the planet, but this has been in my drafts for a year and I saw someone else post a similar concept a long time ago so I’m finally getting around to publishing this post:

Kataang/Azulaang Hades, Demeter, and Persephone AU. 

The feared Queen of the Underworld, she who holds dominion over all things below the Earth, ruling from a throne surrounded by sapphire flames, decides, on a whim, to visit the world above. She finds that it is too bright, preferring her fires to those supplied by her brother, the God of the Sun. She has grown too accustomed to the smells of the dead, so the living scents carried on the breeze around her are foreign and overwhelming. The Earth holds little to warrant her attention.

Then, she sees the Avatar, bearer of the four elements, a god who walks like a man with love in his heart for all living things. Overcome with a possessive desire, the Goddess of the Dead steals him away back down to her realm.

What she has forgotten, or has chosen to forget, is that the Avatar is already spoken for. The Goddess of the Ocean, matron of the freshwater that all living things need and of the saltwater that makes sailors what they are, discovers her husband is missing and searches the world for him. As time passes and she finds no sign of him, her desperation grows and grows. She finally asks the Sun if he saw anything, and he answers with the truth: he saw his sister take him away to the Underworld. Enraged, she demands to know why he allowed her husband’s abduction. The Sun, whose love for the Avatar is almost as great as hers, answers that he wanted his sister to know the kind of joy that the Avatar brings to those he meets.

The Ocean’s anger turns to grief, and the world suffers with her. The seas are kicked up into a fury, making them unsafe to sail on. The rains come and come and do not stop, drowning crops, the farmers who planted them, and the cities that they feed. Hearing the cries of the frightened and dying mortals, the other gods beg the Ocean to return to her duties, but she refuses. She will not rest until her love is back in her arms, safe and sound. She swears she’ll fight Hell herself if that is what it will take, and the other gods know that she doesn’t make idle threats.

The gods send their messenger, the God of Invention who rides on a flying throne, down below to retrieve the Avatar. To his surprise, he finds a changed Underworld. The Avatar has brought a spark of life to the gloomy realm, and the spirits dance for the first time in ages. He has always been beloved by both the Earth and the Heavens, and is now loved by the Underworld as well.

The Messenger arrives in the Queen’s palace and presents the gods’ demand. She seethes at the message, but she knows that not even she is strong enough to fight the rest of the gods, and bitterly relents. Before the Avatar goes, the Queen sweetly offers him three seeds from her chthonic orchard, saying that he’ll need food to restore his strength for the journey ahead. If there is one thing greater than the Underworld Goddess’ deceptions, it is the Avatar’s insights. He sees right through her ploy. Still, he accepts the seeds and, while staring into her surprised eyes, he swallows all three at once and kisses her hand before taking his leave.

The Avatar’s decision binds him to the Underworld for a third of each year. His annual absence leaves the winds cold, and the Ocean’s loneliness freezes the rains into snow. If she harbors any resentment towards her husband for his decision to live a part of his life away from her, to bind himself to two worlds and two wives, she has never spoken of it. Every time spring returns, she is there to accept him back into her arms, and the world regrows.

The Queen of the Underworld is not a kind one. She is stern and unyielding, but she has always been fair. The souls of the dead, and the few living souls who manage to sneak past her three-headed dragon, notice a change in her after her marriage. The change is subtle but relieving to those around her. The Queen allows the spirits to continue dancing and playing so long as they don’t disturb her rest or her work. Much has been sung of the musical nomad Chong and his failed quest into the Underworld to save his wife, but all agree that the chance the Queen gave him came from her husband’s compassionate counsel. Mortal youths delight in the tales of their eldest son’s constant attempts to escape the Underworld, much to his mother’s aggravation. If the Queen ever smiles, all agree that her smiles belong to the Avatar and him alone.

Mortal poets give the Avatar a new epithet: Lover of Life and Death.

[amethystamaranth]

Listening to Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy and thinking of Crowley singing along at the end of Season 2 reflecting on what led them to that point like the heaven and hell motifs and the grief at the end and wanting to go back but still being somewhat remorseless about what happened but still wishing things turned out different

like

"I thought of angels / choking on their halos / get them drunk on rose water"

and

"if heaven's grief brings hell's rain / Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday"

and

"I'm here to give you all of my love / so I can watch your face as I take it all away"

whispers: the kiss

[hellsbroadcaster]

Okay real quick because this is one of my favorite songs on this album. But Just One Yesterday, seemingly being about two dysfunctional people in a horrible relationship. Both bad for each other.

I thought of angels Choking on their halos Get them drunk on rose water See how dirty I can get them Pullin' out their fragile teeth And clip their tiny wings

This makes me think of Alastor wanting to corrupt those with 'good' in them. Wanting to see how he can twist their minds. The way he talks about how Charlie has potential he could guide. He wants to sink his claws into that opportunity so bad. The way you could redeem souls? You can also ruin them.

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain

the lyric i am using for lucifer and alastor is just another way of saying misery loves its company. i like the idea that alastor is a very obvious reminder of lucifer's gift of freewill to people. because alastor chose it and doesn't want to change.

I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way

I see this as a form of tough love but in a toxic kind of way. A lot of times the lessons we learn, we tend to learn the hard way anyway. I think Alastor is very much okay with letting people fuck around and find out for themselves. knowing the outcome and doing nothing to stop it.

And now I'm here to give you all of my love So I can watch your face as I take it all away 

this is my favorite part of the song. And its what my Alastor i feel thrives on. his inability to fully commit. his way of charming his way into your heart to make you care and the moment you do he could snuff it out like blowing out candle. and he would delight in the way your face turns, the way the light goes from your eyes when you find out its all a lie. the way he can see your heart dropping in your chest. and he feels nothing.

[huntinglove]

ask game time >3c also I loooove the new blog theme !!

😘: What’s your f/o’s favorite thing about YOU?

🎵: What are some song lyrics that make you think of your f/o/your relationship with your f/o?

🖋: Who writes the other sappy poetry/cheesy love songs?

Hi hi!! Thank you so much for the ask, I also had a lot of fun designing the new theme!! I'll answer these for Sir Pentious!!

😘: What’s your F/O’s favorite thing about YOU?

Sir Pentious says that his favorite things about me are:

My hands, he enjoys it when I hold, hug and pet him, he says it makes him feel loved and at home! He also enjoys doing my nails when we have a calm day

My lips, he loves it when I kiss him and he also likes to see me smile, sometimes he'll say really funny things just to get a laugh out of me because of it

My stomach, he enjoys how soft and warm it is and always asks to lay his head on it! He says he enjoys the feeling of having me all around him

🎵: What are some song lyrics that make you think of your F/O/your relationship with your F/O?

He has a wild imagination / And tells me things That must be true / Like there's a world where I can take flight / Where I can freely move

(Fish in a birdcage - Rule #4)

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain / Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday / I know I'm bad news / For just one yesterday / I saved it all for you

(Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy)

My answer was laughter, soft as I lowered my head / you're too late, I'm afraid, this flower's already dead

(Secret Garden - EmpathP)

🖋: Who writes the other sappy poetry/cheesy love songs?

He writes me beautiful love letters and poems whenever he can! He says that it helps him express his feelings better, instead of saying it when we're face to face.

Sometimes he makes me read them out loud, so I'll be complimenting myself through his loving words

[jazzraft]

I was tagged by @amidalogicdive months ago in this, and then again by @glaivenoct a week or so ago... I've been so slow at this blog lately, I am sorry :') thanks friends, I'm here at last!

Rules: Give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and your fic with the least amount of words.

1st Most Hits: Invited to Die, NyxNoct + Regis, Shovel Talk Comedy Genfic - Am I surprised? No. Am I proud? Fuck yeah!

How had he come to the point where his healthy respect for King Regis had twisted and shriveled down to nothing put pure, abject terror upon hearing the cold, callous sentence he’d been dreading for months? “How long have you been sleeping with my son?”

2nd Most Kudos: heaven's grief brings hell's rain, Vashwood, Hurt/Comfort - I'm actually quite surprised, given that this fic is not even six months old yet, that it's second in kudos only to Invited to Die, which took the entirety of it's seven year life to accumulate so many kudos... like what??

Vash wishes he couldn’t see so well in the dark, because he doesn’t want to see Wolfwood’s eyes now. He doesn’t want to see the whites of them shining in the dim embers of his cigarette. Wolfwood’s gaze fires rapidly between Vash’s broken wrist, his shaking legs, his caved-in shoulders trying to make himself small, and whatever Vash can’t hide on his face behind a faltering smile. Wolfwood stares, cigarette hanging from his lip, and slowly his fingers clench into fists, as if he could possibly know. - Vash escapes a harrowing ordeal. The wound it leaves upon him is not physical, but it hurts just as badly. Touch has always been a monster to him. Wolfwood desperately wants to prove it doesn't have to be.

3rd Most Comments: Domestic Affairs, NyxNoct, Slice of Life Vignettes - this only a comment or two above Invited to Die, which I'll probably be using as my metric for success for the rest of my fandom career

Various, light shorts ranging from dopey drunk fluff to more awkward dining experiences with dad. Family, friends, and fond moments.

4th Most Bookmarked: Elsewhere, FFXV + Dissidia-esque Fix-it - I remember a lot of people liking this when I posted it, to my genuine surprise. It was such a weird thought experiment, I didn't think anyone would look at it twice

The Crown Prince is injured in a tragic attack on the road. The King, in his desperation, presents his broken boy to the benefactor of all his power: the Crystal of Lucis. Ten years later, Noctis returns.

5th Most Words: CODE: Birthday Business, FFXV Genfic - I wrote this before FFXV even came out, before I wrote my first NyxNoct fic, and nobody knew who I was. Just felt such a nostalgic pang looking at it again, awww...

A very serious series of palace shenanigans. [written for #ffxvweek]

Least Words: Wildflowers, NyxNoct Drabble - I don't remember this at all, but apparently it was a mini buddy challenge!

Tucked away in the bay of Galdin, Noct and Nyx stumble across a beautiful secret.

Thanks for the tags, sorry it took me so long, because this was quite nice to look back on!