#⌜the secret memoirs of a serial killer⌟ . // headcanons

[hellsbroadcaster]

Been thinking a lot about why Alastor did not eat his victims when he was alive. There are a lot of serial killers who have eaten their victims, so it was a curious thing to me. but the reason being these serial killers are not real or full psychopath's. This leads me to think this is why Alastor never ate his victims, why cannibalism came to him after he died and went to hell.

Psychopaths have trouble making meaningful connections, and in Alastor's case its easy for him to pretend because of how charming he knew how to be. Socially and being an entertainer it was easy for him to grasp. The serial killers who eat their victims generally develop extreme attachments to their victims. They suffer from neediness and low self-esteem. Qualities Alastor does not possess.

Cannibals tend to be insecure, and can't have normal relationships with people. Because of their connection, becoming attached they usually kill their victims quickly, wanting to spar their victim pain. They aren't interested in their suffering, and often they do not kill their victims right away. With cannibalism its usually more of a sexual act, which is another reason i feel Alastor had no interest in it. He is also a sadist, and enjoys seeing the suffering of his victims. if he can hold them out for as long as he can he will. Eating victims ultimately gives the cannibal a sense of power. because then they can never leave.

When he is in Hell, its actually really interesting to see how he prefers deer meat over anything else. he'll eat other stuff, but he likes deer the most. And he basically was shot like a deer, mistaken for a deer and then comes to hell as a deer basically. Why eat himself? Why is deer meat what is satisfying to you.

It got me thinking so I did some research, and turns out, among other things a lot people did hunt and eat deer during the great depression and so my thinking is the person who shot him thought he was a deer, was basically hunting for dinner to feed his family or something. So its why Alastor eats deer in Hell now. idk if that makes sense but its what I'm going with fndsklfnd

[hellsbroadcaster]

Okay real quick because this is one of my favorite songs on this album. But Just One Yesterday, seemingly being about two dysfunctional people in a horrible relationship. Both bad for each other.

I thought of angels Choking on their halos Get them drunk on rose water See how dirty I can get them Pullin' out their fragile teeth And clip their tiny wings

This makes me think of Alastor wanting to corrupt those with 'good' in them. Wanting to see how he can twist their minds. The way he talks about how Charlie has potential he could guide. He wants to sink his claws into that opportunity so bad. The way you could redeem souls? You can also ruin them.

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain

the lyric i am using for lucifer and alastor is just another way of saying misery loves its company. i like the idea that alastor is a very obvious reminder of lucifer's gift of freewill to people. because alastor chose it and doesn't want to change.

I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way

I see this as a form of tough love but in a toxic kind of way. A lot of times the lessons we learn, we tend to learn the hard way anyway. I think Alastor is very much okay with letting people fuck around and find out for themselves. knowing the outcome and doing nothing to stop it.

And now I'm here to give you all of my love So I can watch your face as I take it all away 

this is my favorite part of the song. And its what my Alastor i feel thrives on. his inability to fully commit. his way of charming his way into your heart to make you care and the moment you do he could snuff it out like blowing out candle. and he would delight in the way your face turns, the way the light goes from your eyes when you find out its all a lie. the way he can see your heart dropping in your chest. and he feels nothing.

[hellsbroadcaster]

There is a post going around on twitter talking about what Viv says about Alastor's smile. I am going to leave out everyone's talk about it being about Vox because that isn't my focus on this. Though, it does play a part. What got me was that she says its a 'very self enforced form of ego'

Meaning he does it to himself. He sees a frown as weakness, getting someone to lose their smile means the game is over. the jig is up. its serious now. That for Alastor is a win. And its fascinating to me that people just write it off as a 'oh Vox is a walking temper tantrum' for shits and giggles and yeah it can be, but the way there's so much more underneath it? That's the real juicy stuff for me. Both Alastor and Vox are in the entertainment industry. We all know how toxic that kind of lifestyle is. Everyone is all up in your business. You have to adhere to people's view of you.

Vox is fucking drained. The way he comes up from his evil lair, to his photo of him smiling but when the doors open he's frowning, before he's inhaling and putting on a smile like everything's fine. They are the lie we tell ourselves. How we appear composed when really we're fucking screaming on the inside.

When I think about Alastor stitches being his own doing? I'm fascinated by that. It means he refuses to let anyone get the best of him, they could never get under his skin if he physically cannot frown. It's why he's so indifferent, why he's so unbothered. He's always smiling. It doesn't matter what he's feeling on the inside because so long as no one can see, he still has the upper hand.

I keep thinking about how he and his mother had to deal with a lot of shit. The people in power, like to make those they think are beneath them feel strong. Oppression, violence, kicking them down when they are already on the floor. All I can hear is the phrase 'don't let them see you frown' and Alastor taking it personally. Alastor echoing it inside his head like a mantra. For every disgusting, racist comment. Don't let them see you frown. For every insult, don't let them see you frown. For every time they try and see you fail, don't let them see you frown. Because the second they do? They win. You give them power over you and that is something Alastor refuses to let anyone have over him.

People don't talk about how hard it is being a person of color, especially back then yes but I also relate to having to always be perfect. Growing up we get told to never draw attention to ourselves. Act like the white people. Keep your head low. This kind of thinking is why so many latinos are oddly republican because they get told to act like something aren't and then forget where they came from. It's pressure to perform, to be the best and doing it the right way so you aren't judged.

Can't do a bad thing ever because then it just proves that oooh all of us colored people are as bad as they say. I have this thought on things even if its not my fault? Like if I'm in a hurry and I don't open the door for the white people coming out. Or the way, the elevator the other day already had six people in it and three white ppl saw it and decided they were gonna squeeze themselves in anyway. but I swear you reverse it and someone would have said something. its having to watch what we say, having to not sound too much like where we come from. SMILE AND JUST PUSH THROUGH IT. When we really just want to fucking be angry.

This is why I think Alastor refuses for society to whip him into shape. Why he smiles, why he shoves all his anger down into the pit of his belly and only releases it when he's killing someone who probably fucking deserves it. I think Vox shows us the version of us when we're all depressed and searching for that dopamine hit, but the reality is we're all drained physically and mentally because of this persona we put on. Alastor is the twisted, darker side of that. the kind that wants to act on it. the repression, the internalized anger from not being able to express himself the way he should. alastor is a hypocrite himself. calling vox out for being fake, he is exactly the same way. he's just much better at hiding it.

[hellsbroadcaster]

Not that I don’t think Alastor can’t be humanized but I don’t think that’s the mindset I want when it comes to my interpretation of him.

Like I do think he cares about the group, and about those he lets in but there’s always a limit.

There are things I wanna tap into when it comes to writing him to where it’s relatable but it’s scary to be relatable. He isn’t someone to idolize.

He is evil. He is an opportunist. Yes he’s funny, he’s charming, he’s entertaining. He’s got traits that make him easy to like, but he’s also a serial killer. And a lot of serial killers have these traits. It’s not really him.

I think what makes things hurt more, and at least for my portrayal is that he remains detached. He’s loyal to a fault. He’ll use whoever he needs to achieve his goal.

He is here for chaos. He wants raise hell. It’s fun.

One thing I liked about villanelle from killing eve that I really liked was when she talked about how life bored her.

“Most of the time, most days, I feel nothing. I don't feel anything. It is so boring. I wake up and I think, again, really? I have to do this again? And what I really don't understand is how come everyone else isn't screaming with, with boredom, too, and I try to find ways to make myself feel something. More, and more, and more, but it doesn't make any difference. No matter what I do, I don't feel anything. I hurt myself; it doesn't hurt. I buy what I want; I don't want it. I do what I like; I don't like it. I'm just so bored.”

This really resonated with me because I do feel like this sometimes. And I think it’s a scary thought to have. It’s a state I don’t want to get to. And it makes me think of Alastor.

How he goes through life. Yes he likely has trauma as a child, the abuse and racism he faced growing up.

But how it’s warped or shaped his mentality. He’s had to play a role, a part. Be something that people will like. How many times he forced a smile and inside he was screaming. His entire personality is an act.

The only time he’s ever been himself is when he’s holding a blade and stealing the light from someone’s eyes. It’s the only time he’s ever felt alive.

He has his passions, radio, jazz, drinking and dancing but it’s all just fillers. They don’t actually fulfill his need to kill, to feel.

It’s why I think he loves being in hell. Loves being a demon. He doesn’t have to hide his true nature like he had to as a human. He can be exactly as he wants.

Except now he’s hiding again. He’s not entirely free, he’s still chained down. His power is one hand tied behind his back.

And he will take that freedom over anything. And this is why I don’t think he can fully commit to the group. Because he is in it for himself. To get what he wants means he’ll likely have to turn his back on the others.

I talked about this with @videoaux because a lot of ppl think Vox was at fault for whatever their fallout was about but I honestly believe Alastor sabotaged it. Pushed Vox away, and turned his back on him. Because Vox is angry, rightfully angry and Alastor acting indifferent just shows me that Alastor doesn’t care how he’s hurt or upset Vox in the slightest.

And that’s in his nature. That’s who he is. You can’t be surprised when you get up getting fucked over by a demon. What were you thinking?

[hellsbroadcaster]

   .　　. ˚　. ╳ ⊹ ― 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

Alastor's parents are still alive. Sort of. Alastor's father is actually his first kill. His mother is alive and well and he actually bought his mother a house once he got a big following. 

He is still a murder in this verse

he runs a very popular podcast, very welcome to nightvale vibes. 

he often feels as if he was born in the wrong generation. he is an 'old soul' kind of guy 

he is not on social media and he does not own a smart phone. the only time he engages with social media is for promotional ads and marketing for his podcast. 

he is very private, so not much is known about him unless you know him personally 

he does enjoy social gatherings, he also makes it a point to make himself known and visible to the public eye. not wanting to draw much attention to himself and the sudden killings happening in new orleans. 

he can drive, but he hates it. he would prefer to walk if I can 

he has friends just about everywhere in the city 

he does practice voodoo 

very much a free soul, he doesn't like being trapped in by a schedule and cannot work a 9-5. he follows his own flow 

[hellsbroadcaster]

TRIGGER WARNING - contains mature topics of racism, rape, and discrimination.

I love Alastor's relationship with women, and I know its due to him being a big mama's boy. He has so much respect for his mom, he wouldn't dare raise his hand to another woman. In the comic of him, he kills the butcher for beating his wife, and it shows that while Alastor is evil, and an overlord, he has somewhat of a code. Even in hell.

When he was alive, i have no doubt his targets were only men of power. Thinking back on how he grew up, the time period he grew up in. His mother being a woman of color, and being a mixed child during those times it only had to mean he was constantly looked down upon, seen as a wretched child. during those times, it was usually slave owners raping black slaves. So the nature of how he grew up was anything but pretty, and I do believe its what caused a series of resentment to grow inside him towards men especially. his mother being the only one able to really see his true smile, while the one he wore in public was for show. giving the illusion. he was charming, he was a smooth talker, there is a reason his talk show was as popular as it was. he was influential, people listened to him. he was described as living his best life, and i don't doubt he worked very hard to build his reputation despite his background.

Alastor was calculated in choosing his victims, going more for the ones who abused their power, were overly cocky, or even ones who thought to take him down.

I think its very interesting how quickly Alastor angered when Husk mentioned his own chains. No one likes to be shackled of course, but for Alastor not having his own freedom is detrimental to who he is, who he is trying to be. Who would think Alastor of all demons was also someone else's bitch? its demeaning. and he's been demeaned all his life.

I also think about how Vox calls him a coward. and I think the word is purely one-sided. I have no clue how that fight went, if it was a fight. we don't know. but vox says he's a coward, implying that alastor ran. we see this with adam too, but self-preservation and being a coward are two different things. i think alastor does in fact hate losing, but he's not above living to fight another day.

he doesnt strike me as someone who would die fighting. what does he get out of that? its why his break down is so gooood cuz people misunderstand his intentions and he hates the idea that he almost died for that. im not saying he doesnt care about the group, but he is prideful, and he wants to be more than. if hes gonna go down, its not gonna be in a way that he isnt approving of if that makes sense?

I think vox likes to call him a coward cuz to him he ran from a fight, and really I think Vox got lucky so he's milking it for all that he can. otherwise why would vox be so fucking adamant to try and get rid of him before Alastor even starts?

im throwing up words here fnksldnfksd alastor is just on the brain brr brrr

[hellsbroadcaster]

Alastor is not without care. its why his breakdown is so monumental to me. I think its actually extremely dangerous for Alastor to really give a fuck about something.

He has his own agenda, his own goals. He loves being seen as an enigma, he loves that people fear him. He keeps himself purposely detached because love, caring, feelings and attachments all become liabilities sooner or later. I headcanon that his mother died before she ever got to see him becoming a radio star, and it was something he kind of resents. It wasn’t her fault and he doesn’t blame her but he wishes so badly she could see how far he had come. She was his inspiration after all.

she was the one and only person he really loved and felt anything for as a human. He really only knows love through her as a mother. Losing her broke him. His murders started happening after he lost her.

The way I look at it Alastor has a lot of hate and anger, it’s built of resentment he’s grown over the years. The mistreatment he and his mother got from ppl who thought they were better. Who shamed him or called him a half breed for being half white and half black.

He cares very deeply for people that he loves. And it makes it a very dangerous thing. He’ll kill for them. He does. The way he takes care of Mimzy, and honestly women in general.

But he doesn’t let himself get too close. He’s calculating, using everyone around him as pawns. A means to an end. I think his deals are very much strategic, no matter how small or simple they seem on the outside. There’s always gears working behind the scenes of his smile and it’s for his own self interest.

I think it’s very telling why and how Husk is the (that we know of) the only one who knows about Alastor’s deal. He doesn’t know the nature, or with who, but he does know he’s under contract himself. And it’s interesting to think about what Alastor saw in Husk that let him give him that kind of information.

Because I feel like that’s pretty fucking high level trust. Or maybe not, because he is still owned by Al so he probably can’t speak on it based on their deal/terms. But I still think it’s telling. And I do think Al cares for Husk, but it’s just how he is when he keeps everyone at a distance because eventually he knows those bonds don’t last.

His intrapersonal feelings are something I love digging into because it’s not what meets the eyes. His smile, everything about him is a lie. It’s made up, he’s far more darker and sinister than we are lead to believe. He craves freedom like never before? He’s being held back, he’s got one hand behind his back and we haven’t even seen him at full strength. Alastor is downright scary, and he can’t allow himself to reach that goal if he’s held back by compassion and companions.

[hellsbroadcaster]

Stayed Gone is such a good song, but its the way both Alastor and Vox show very key sides to their beef with each other.

Is Vox insecure? Pursuing allure? Flitting between this fad and that, is nothin' working? Ignore his chirping! Every day, he's got a new format You're lookin' at the future, he's the shit that comes before that!

The way I interpret it, is that Vox is very threatened by the amount of influence Alastor has. Throughout the entire song, Vox's key message is 'hey don't listen to this guy!' and its done so in various different ways and reasons as to why no one should bother. And its very adamant about it.

However, Alastor is unphased. Like he's not taking much offense and even his rebuttal is namely calling Vox out on the way he is trying to slander Alastor. Is Vox insecure? Pursuing allure? Is he trying to be something he's not? Is the charisma he's trying to show case just an act, a script to fool the viewers for likes and streams?

I love the notion of Alastor also comparing Vox to just how technology never seems to stay the same. And this realistically is both good and bad, but for Alastor its more of Vox doesn't know who he is or is trying to be and its why he's always changing, creating new formats, trying different fads. Whereas Alastor, has always known where he stands, he's old fashioned, his ways work and he doesn't see a need to really change it.

He also mentions how Vox would be nothing without the Vee's, basically saying how Alastor's power is all his own and he doesn't need anyone to help him show or prove it. Its very easy for Alastor to win in their little fights like this because he is so unbothered, and the moment he manages to piss Vox off because its so easy he knows he's won. Hence why is smile always shows he's in control.

[hellsbroadcaster]

It’s easier for Alastor to stay detached when he already hates you. His ability to be indifferent is astounding. Seriously it’s no wonder that Vox gets so pent up and pissed cuz I would too bitch acknowledge me damnit !!!

😂 but seriously being loved by him??? When he starts to care ? That’s more scary

[hellsbroadcaster]

Thinking about when Mimzy said that Alastor was one of the only guys she knew who knew how to hold his liquor and keep up with her on the dance floor. Alastor only drinks the hard stuff, he does not like fruity drinks. Its gotta be something a coal miner would drink. but he also has a very high tolerance, he doesn't really get drunk that easily and he's very good at knowing his limits. He kills people, so he can't allow for himself to mess up and possibly get caught because he got drunk one night. he was a responsible drinker, and I def feel like he really was the preferred fella the ladies would always go after. i don't think a lot of men were fond of him because of how well he was with the ladies. and the way he's an enigma in hell its the same when he was human.

Alastor was extremely private, he never brought women home. h always turned down their advances. and even so they still loved being around him because Alastor was charming as fuck. but he knows how to have a good time.

I like to think that he was very privy to the kind of company Mimzy got involved with. Likely gangsters, and Alastor probably helped her out a lot too during those days.

[hellsbroadcaster]

𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 --

So, this thought has been floating around in my noggin' all day. And its said that Alastor pretty much spawned in Hell already with a huge amount of power and it just got me thinking. Alastor most likely started practicing Voodoo when he was alive, and maybe even on his victims.

Please note, that kind of voodoo I am talking about dark magic, stereotypical type of magic. NOT the real Voodoo. Please don't confuse the two. One is an actual religion, the other is not. I do want to talk more on that and how it collides with Alastor's character, but I need to do some more research so I can make sure I am respectfully using the proper terms. For now though, this is primarily based on the more fictionalized, taboo version of it.

Anyway, yes the song from princess and the frog is blasting in my head as I write this. Its also cool to note that Dr. Facilier also had an animated shadow, which is interesting to note considering Alastor's shadow.

I think to think Alastor hung around those areas a lot in New Orleans, and I think he knew a few witch doctors as well. I like the thought process that he had dealings already with spirits on the other side and so when he finally died and went to Hell, he spawned extremely powerful. And whoever those spirits were? he absolutely killed them and those were the first screams to be broadcasted.

[hellsbroadcaster]

tbh I think the reason these two work so well, and why Alastor doesn't mind cleaning her messes is because he enjoys fucking killing people. She brings trouble and he gets to let off some steam. Also wouldn't it be cute if he helped her when they were both alive also? Being each other's alibis. I'd help you bury a body kind of friendship okay.

[hellsbroadcaster]

What kind of characteristics do you think Alastor would need in someone for a successful relationship (platonic or not)? Does that match what he THINKS he needs?

So personally, a successful relationship with Alastor doesn’t exist. And the one exception I’ll make is Rosie.

But I think someone could be the absolutely perfect and still not be enough for him. And the reason is primarily Alastor himself.

The way I see him is very having a deep avoidant attachment style. He has it in him to care, but it’s never fulfilling for him. I think it’s because he’s also had to live a life where he grew up in survival mode. And it’s hardwired in him to be smart about his choices and his decisions. He’s had to work harder than everyone, especially when you consider him as a black man growing up in a white world. You think he didn’t get spat on? Called all the names in the book? He didn’t face struggles and challenges to be as successful as he did? He learned quickly that in order to get by you have to break rules, you have to play dirty.

He looks at encounters with others through a new kind of lens. How can this person assist me? What can I use from this person? What benefits me with creating a friendship with them? He doesn’t know how to frame a relationship where he isn’t getting something out of it. And it’s not totally wrong, relationships are a give and take but Alastor is mostly take.

His main interest is himself, and he will never see someone as just them. Even with Rosie. There’s benefits to befriending her.

Someone who is deeply devoted, who makes him their whole world would make him run for the hills. When someone starts to get too close where it makes him question, make a conscious thought of ‘is there another way?’ He’s pulling away. Because Alastor can love, he can feel. He is capable of expressing and experiencing human emotion but he chooses to separate himself from them. And I think knowing and understanding those emotions also makes him quite well at manipulating. And this is what I think in a shipping sense happened with Vox.

Alastor is likable, he’s charming, he’s charismatic, he knows what to say and how to act. He plays a role, a part so well. He can change up to anything if it means getting what he wants in the end. He doesn’t mind it one bit. But he loves that ppl fear him. He loves creating fear. Being isolated doesn’t really bother him. He enjoys his own solitude. He doesn’t want to be tied down. Him being in a deal is killing him bro. Playing someone else’s rules and not his own? He hates it.

To be in a successful relationship you have to be selfless. You have to be considerate of the other person. You can’t just only think of yourself and Alastor isn’t willing to do that, not unless there’s something he’s getting out of it.

You’d pretty much have to be Nifty!! Complete compliance, she loves him, doesn’t ask anything of him. Shes insanely herself and she loves how he is. It doesn’t bother her one bit. She’s happily at his side for whatever. She’s probably the most loyal.

[hellsbroadcaster]

Alastor isn’t interested in murdering people weaker than him. There’s a reason he targets those in power, people more fortunate.

Kicking someone when they are already down? He doesn’t get joy from that. Knocking someone down who thinks they’re hot shit and watching them squirm when they realize they’re nothing?? Now that is much more satisfying.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I really believe that Alastor fought both Vox and Val before he dipped.

That photo of Val and Vox shaking hands both their antennas are in tact and Val wasn’t wearing any glasses.

I think back to what Val said. “Oh he owes us a lot more than money”

I think Alastor fucked them both up, however or why it ever started. They won because they had the numbers, but Alastor still left them with things to remember him by. Aka fucked up their antennas and he fucked up Val’s eyesight.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I think Alastor is a very goofy drunk. Like he can hold his liquor, but once he's actually drunk he is a silly and even more deranged, like I think his shadow goes pretty cray and like his tendies will just come out on a whim. he's like a drunk fun house.