#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice��� like oh my god

[syluriar]

please...help me - sylus x mc!reader. part 2

sypnosis: the aftermath of caleb catching you on the phone to escape him.

a/n: part 2 is finally here!! i apologise that this took me awhile, i just wanted this chapter to be right and i feel good about it now. there will be a part 3 to this, not sure about part 4 but we'll see how this goes.

warnings: some angst but with comfort. caleb being possessive and genually confused why you want to leave. mc (you) finally letting your fustrations out. sylus appears. caleb gets punched :) not for caleb girlies (sorry!)

word count: 3091 (insert spongebob exhausted meme)

taglist: @eternityjune @swissschees3 @notomyrr @jilly-xox7 @mizunareader @monticarlo @leiakitty @wiiieeeeeee @lynnaredfield3383 @idrkgurr @cms399 @ladycrown109 @capribun @crimsonlittlecrow @bi-goth-energy @rik0shii @letharue @sylusjinxedpaw @mcdepressed290 @kaeyasfuturewife @magicatemyvanishingdreams @deethedolly @beautifulthingsiadore @katykibbs @futuristicdefendorfart @qinluna @lemonn015 @magpie-the-goblin-girl @beewilko @thechaoticarchivist @aikonecrosis @gianchan-de @gamergirl31201 i think that's everyone? i apologise if i forget to tag you, there was a lot of people who wanted to be tagged which makes me fell so happy - thank u!!

When was the last time you ever felt this scared?

Perhaps your first time facing a real Wanderer? That time you had a creep not taking no for an answer when you were alone in a nightclub? Or maybe that time where you were walking alone and came across a thief with a weapon? 

But you had overcome them. The Wanderer died by your pistols, the creep getting punched in the face by your fists and thrown out by security, and the thief getting it’s weapon knocked out of it’s hand by you and arrested by the police moments later. 

The adrenaline that had rushed through you pushed it all away within those moments, and it was only after you had reflected on the experience that almost had you buckle your knees and grab the nearest thing to keep you standing, your heart bounding and your thoughts and absolute mess. It had taken you a while to calm down and look back on those moments without fear, and instead of what you had accomplished.

Unlike right now.

“Still not talking?”

You hadn’t spoken a word to Caleb after he caught you ending the call with Sylus, begging him to come and save you from the man you once felt safe and secure with. 

The tracker on your wrist reminds you of anything but those feelings and more.

Caleb sighs from his seated position in the kitchen and stands, the sound of his footsteps getting closer to you fills you with dread. He seats himself on the edge of the coffee table in front of you and you instantly move back so his feet don’t touch you, your eyes finding a spot on the floor to stare at.

He chuckles. “You won't even look at me, how mean of you.”

Retorts sit on your tongue that you hold still. Your already deep in trouble, you don’t want to know what will happen if you fall more. 

By the corner of your eyes you see him angle his head to try and catch your eyes, but you look away quickly. What would you see in them? Pity? Annoyance? Anger? Even if it was soft, you wouldn’t fall for it, your not that naive anymore.

You gasp as he grabs your chin and forces you to look at him, his told had a certain tightness to it that could choke you in seconds - you wouldn’t put it past him to do it, though it still scares you to know that.

“There we go.” He smiles, and everything about it screams it’s not the one from the past, the warm one you remember. “Now all that's left is for you to talk, but since you won’t do that, I guess I have to play a little guessing game.”

It doesn’t matter, you think. He can guess all he likes and you won’t answer him. Let’s see how he likes to be the one ignored now.

“Now who would you be calling at this hour when everyone is asleep, like you should have been.” There’s a mocking tone in his voice that makes you want to punch him. It should have made you worried about doing such a thing to someone you saw as a friend, but all you saw in front of you was a creature that enjoyed your torture. 

“It can’t be your dear Dr. Zayne, he’s too busy and has things far too important then calling you.”

It hurt you a little to hear Caleb talking about Zayne like that, the three of you had a good friendship growing up, it had amused you of the little arguments they would get into. You knew that no matter what happened you would always have them to fall back on and pick you back up. Zayne had greatly helped you ever since you thought Caleb had died, and the thought of the three of you being back together made your heart warm when you found Caleb again. 

How unfortunate that wouldn’t happen.

“Someone the Hunters Association? Hmmm possibly. But who exactly?” Caleb tapped his chin with his other hand, your chin still firmly held by his other that it was starting to ache. “No one there can come in here and sneak you out without anyone onboard knowing, even if a team banded together. So let’s rule that out.”

He clearly underestimated your Association. You might not know everyone there, but the only reason those people have been made Hunters is because they have the power to do so, they’ve all been through the hard training it takes and passed. You remember all the training you had to do and your sure Caleb does too, as you had called him after sessions, complaining about it all and the aches and bruises on your body.

“You keep complaining about it but I never hear you say that you’re gonna leave.”

“Of course I'm not! Quitting would mean that I’m not cut out to be a Hunte. You’ve said I am so many times, do you not think it anymore?”

“Not at all. I believe in you more than anyone that you’ll pass, and become the world's greatest Hunter.”

“Ok, not that much Caleb.”

He laughed then, full of warmth and joy. “Just keep going Pip-squeak, and before you know it, you’ve passed and got your license. Just don’t forget about me when you're off saving everyone from Wanderers, ok?” 

Does he still believe in you now? Do you even want to know? You’re still surprised he hasn’t told you to leave them and just stay with him.

“I guess that only leaves one other place.” He muses, and you feel like he’s close to the answer.

Just don’t react. Don’t let him know.

“But would you really call someone from there? And who? There’s not many good people in the N109 Zone.”

Your face remains neutral as Caleb scans it for any signs and frowns when there isn’t any. You hide your pride at this, though it probably thanks to him that your learning to mask your emotions well.

“Actually, scratch that, there’s no good people in that place. Illegal dealings and filled with violence and crime, there no better than Wanderers. Infact, I bet they’re worse than Wanderers. At least those creatures were someone innocent before turning, people in the N109 Zone have been black-hearted since the start. Like true monsters.”

You swing your cuffed wrists to smack him but they’re quickly caught in his free hand, a smirk now dancing on his lips. 

“Oh, it seems like I hit a spot. So your trip to the N109 Zone did have you in contact with someone there.” He pulls you forward by your wrists, noses just barely touching. His voice was laced with demand. “Who?”

A grunt falls from your lips as you try and pull your wrists back, but Caleb’s hold on them is strong.

It tightens.

“Who?”

You stop and look at him, his eyes so dim you wonder if they’ve truly turned black. You can see anything in them other than dark feelings that create goosebumps on your skin.

You swallow, a bit of courage coming to your throat. “I guess that’s round two of your guessing game.”

A thick silence hangs in the air and your ears pick up noises you don’t remember registering. The ticking of the clock on the wall, the sound of cars driving outside and the pitter patter of rain softly hitting the windows. Mixed with Caleb before you, it was starting to become stimulating, and you pray that Sylus will be here soon.

Caleb’s frown deepens. “Why do you want to go to him, hmm? Skyhaven is much more safer and secure then the N109 Zone.” 

“I have never feared more for my life than staying here.” You reply. To hell with staying silent, that’s what you’ve done more than anything since you’ve been here. You let Caleb have his way, let him ramble on and on and speak badly about a place - about a man you wanted to go back to more than anything.

You’re done with it.

“What can he possibly give you that I can’t?” He’s not glaring but close, he’s looking at you as if he just can’t phantom the idea of you wanting to leave. “How can you want to go to him when I’m right here?”

“Because he would never treat me this way!” You scream, and the look of shock on his face makes you keep going. “He’s never locked me in and he lets me have my freedom with no complaints or bargains. He never punishes me and never makes me feel afraid of him. He’s someone who treats me like I’m someone, not a possession. He's someone I can trust and go to without fear.” Your breathing heavily, the words keep coming out and your not stopping them, too fed up with the man infront of you. “He’s the opposite of you Caleb, and as soon as he comes here I’m going with him, and you can’t stop me.”

You didn’t realise you had stood up until you saw Caleb’s eye move to look up at you, for once you had gotten power over him, had made him look at you and made him speechless. 

Adrenaline runs through your body and you know you can’t let it go, no matter what happens next.

So when the look of shock vanishes over Caleb’s face and is replaced with a glare, you lock in and quickly pull your still bound wrists free from his hold, keeping them close to your chest. When he stands you step away instantly, creating space between the two of you. 

“And what makes you think I’ll let you leave?” His voice drips with venom. It’s a tone you’ve never heard before and almost falters you.

“Because she’s her own person.” a voice breaks out, one that’s so familiar that it makes your heart race. “Because she has the right to her own freedom.”

Both of you turn to the door that’s now locked behind a tall and imposing figure, his white hair gleaming in the ceiling lights. 

“Because she wants to.” 

He steps forward and the light shines on his face, that handsome face of your saviour. “Oh, and because I’m here to help her, isn’t that right, sweetie?” His gleaming red eyes fall on you, and you smile, hope filling you. 

“Sylus…”

Caleb sucks through his teeth, irritation clear all over his face. “How did you get in unnoticed? Every member had been alerted that you would be coming.”

Sylus shrugs nonchalantly, confidence oozing off him. “And despite that I didn’t get much of a welcome party. Your fleet needs more training.” 

The comment only makes Caleb’s irritation grow, and it brings some satisfaction to you. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m taking Miss Hunter home.”

Home. The word makes your heart swell. 

“She’s not going anywhere, especially not with you.” Caleb straightens and you feel his Evol approaching, it causes goosebumps on your skin once again and you instantly look at Sylus, who just looks bored.

“Seems like you need hearing lessons as well.” His own Evol floating around his fists, ready to release.

You knew there was going to be a fight once Sylus showed up, he would avoid it if he could if that’s what you wanted, but Caleb wouldn’t let you go without a fight. Even if Caleb hadn’t caught you and you managed to sneak past him with Sylus, he would only come and get you himself and cause a ruckus wherever you went to get you back. He would see it as you being kidnapped and brainwashed to turn against him.

Caleb needs to know that you want to leave on your own free will, and not just with words. The fact that you called for help should have already planted that seed somewhere in his head.

“Stop it Caleb. Let me go.” 

He turns to you, a flicker of disbelief in his eyes. “What?”

You stand straight, your voice calm as you speak. “I want to leave, right here, right now. So let me go.”

He stares at you, teeth gritted and brows furrowed, but his eyes are scanning you, hoping to find something he can use to make you stay, to blind himself that this isn’t your free choice of will. But he can’t find any, and his irritation and confusion grows. “Why? Why do you want to leave me? I thought after everything we’ve been through, you’d want to stay with me forever.”

And you had wanted that too. 

“I had never felt such relief when I found Caleb alive.” You tell him with a soft voice, the painful memories all coming back. “I spent night’s crying because I thought you were dead, days went past in a blur and I was always reminded to eat even the smallest thing because my mind wouldn’t register the simplest things that my body needed. All I could think about was you.” 

Tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes but you didn’t care to wipe them away, with showing Caleb your true emotions, you hope that he’ll finally understand. “Time passed and it got a little easier, but I still thought about you. I didn’t even think I would meet you here…and yet I did. I was so happy Caleb, I thought things would go back the way they were before. Always laughing and joking around, having you by my side to comfort me and give me strength…but you’ve done the exact opposite.”

Confidence flows through your veins as you take a step towards him, his figure still but has lost it’s tension. Your getting through to him. “The things I said before, about me being afraid of you, it’s all true. You keep me locked up and take away my things. You don’t let me have my freedom and even tell me when to go to sleep like I’m a child. It honestly scares me that you can’t see that your hurting me, hurting me so much that I want to escape from you.”

“I didn’t…” His aura falters, the dark and imposing man has been replaced with disbelief and confusion. “I never want you to be afraid of me, I didn’t do all those things to scare you. I want to protect you.”

“Was giving me medicine with the intention of me falling asleep protecting me?” You spat back, the memory of it still causing a shiver of unease down your spine. “I’m a Hunter Caleb, I don’t need this kind of protection. You said that you believed in me when I was doing my exams, but it looks like I’m weak to you.”

“You’re not! That’s…That’s not what I think!”

“I don’t care what you think anymore Caleb, except for the fact that I want to leave SkyHaven and I want to leave you of my own free will. That’s my choice Caleb.”

A noise leaves Caleb’s lips, something frustrated and perhaps sad. You don’t fully understand it but right now you don’t care. You take another step towards him, close enough to touch his chest if you reach out. 

You show him your bound wrists. “Take these off…please.”

He looks down at them, thousands of emotions dance through his eyes that you can’t decipher, but he waves a hand over them and you hear a click before the cuffs fall on the floor.

“Thank you Caleb…and I’m sorry.”

Before he can even respond you punch him square in the face, his body falling to the ground instantly, knocked out.

Whoops.

The slow clapping of hands erases the tense atmosphere from the room.

“An excellent performance, kitten.” Sylus smirks as he walks over. “You had him in your grasp and took matters into your own hands, just like I knew you could.”

There was something about his praise that brightens you, maybe it’s because you know he’s saying it sincerely that has your stomach filled with butterflies. You fight back the smile that threatens your lips. “I didn’t mean to knock him out..”

He chuckles. “Whatever you say, sweetie. You still wanted to punch him, not that I blame you.” His eyes scan over the unconscious body of your ex best friend, frowning at the sight. “I wanted to get some in.”

“You would have killed him then.” You commented, and despite everything Caleb has put you through, you didn’t want him dead - for real this time. “I don’t think the fleet would be too happy about that.”

“I don’t mind making a few more enemies, especially the ones that hurt you.” 

Air catches in your throat as Sylus turns back at you, his eyes looking at you softly. “Are you alright?”

Maybe it was because it was said so gently, full of comfort and genuineness, laced with true worry. that has you tearing up once more. “I want to go home Sylus.”

He gathers you in his arms, holding you close to his chest that you feel his warmth that engulfs you, bringing a sense of calm to your body. “It’s ok. I’m here, and I’m taking you home.” He lifts you in his arms that you don’t protest, you don’t ever want to leave his safe arms ever again. “Luke and Kieran have cleaned your apartment ready for you to come back.”

“No Sylus,” You croak against his neck, tears slowly falling down your cheeks. Apart from Skyhaven your apartment is the last place you want to be right now, there’s no sense of security that will calm you if you return back there. 

There’s only one place you want to be.

That mansion that started out cold that is now warm with your touches; the plushies on the sofa and the blankets on the bed. The fairy lights in his study and the colourful mugs in his kitchen, your skincare and make-up products sitting neatly in his bathroom cabinet and the photobooth pictures hanging by the vanity he had bought you.

“Take us home.”

He looks at you then, surprise written across his face that it almost makes you giggle. You never really called it home to his face, even with your things scattered across the building. 

Sylus smiles, it’s not the one his enemies see or the ones the twins get when they’ve pulled a prank. It’s a smile only reserved for you, and it shines brighter than any star you have ever seen.

“Alright, sweetie. Let’s go home.”

[totalswag]

Heyy!! Hope you’ve been great! I have a request…….💌💌

How about Drew and popstar!reader do like a super hot Calvin Klein ad together, and launch a collab with the line. xx

calvin klien collab ⎯ DREW STARKEY!

authors note i've been doing great thank you for asking lovie!! ugh I enjoyed writing this and coming up with some good ideas heheh. i hope we get to see drew on an ad one day (he would look so good). since i usually write about singer!reader x drew being in a relationship, i wanted to write something that doesn't involve them together, more so meeting for the first time.

taglist �� ̼ if you would like to be notified every time i post you will type in your username then be all set to go.

masterlist

summary in which you and drew starkey are collaborating in a hot calvin klien photoshoot for the first time.

warning(s) high tension, flirting, bodies touching, y/n and drew being the hottest people on the planet.

Being asked to be involved in a Calvin Klein photoshoot was a complete dream come true. You've always wanted to be one of those women, and now you are able to say you are. When you got the news from your manager you were filled with loads of emotions.

What no one was expecting⎯Drew Starkey and Y/N Y/N featured on Calvin Klein together. After the announcement, everyone was going wild over the news. No one would've thought to two most upcoming talented people in the industry in a photoshoot together.

The room is alive with the low buzz of cameras clicking, stylists altering clothes, and the subtle smell of expensive cologne and body oil hanging in the air. The buzzing of music playing in the background set the mood for the shoot.

Meeting Drew for the first time felt unreal. He was so generous, kind, and understanding of boundaries. He told you, "anytime you feel uncomfortable please let me know."

That made you trust him during the entire process.

"Thank you for coming, my name is Andrew, and I will be your photographer for the shoot," he says while shaking your hands; "for this shoot, we want it to be super hot as the company quoted." 

You and Drew are standing in front of a full-length mirror, bodies inches apart, wearing nothing but the sleek, minimalist Calvin Klein underwear that has already been dubbed the year's best campaign⎯and it hasn't been launched yet.

"Lean in a little more," the Andrew says.

Drew tilts his head, grinning slightly as he approaches. His fingers ghost over your waist, not quite touching but close enough to feel the warmth of his skin through the dense tension in the room. Your pulse quickens. His gaze drifts down to your lips for just a second too long. The camera flashes, recording the moment in real time.

When you put your palm on Drew's bare chest for the following shot, you'll notice how hard he swallows. His skin is warm, and his muscles feel taut when you touch them. You're supposed to be playing a role⎯selling desire, closeness, and the effortless Calvin Klein fantasy⎯but neither of you knows where the performance ends and reality begins.

As you two pull away the tension between you two is still lingering in the air. Drew's usual playful smirk soften into something unreadable. This is all supposed to be professional.

The second part of the shoot arrives. Drew is lying on his back in jeans, with you on top of him in jeans and a jean jacket. Drew's right leg was sitting up, while his left leg laid down. You rested your head on his bare chest, peering into the camera.

Andrew clicks many times in a matter of seconds, prompting you both to change positions. Drew was directed to place his left hand on your waist beneath the jean jacket, and you were asked to lift your upper body while maintaining eye contact.

His piercing blue eyes on you and yours on him. Chills going down your spine. Everything in your body was on fire.

Once the third portion of the photoshoot came to an end, Drew and you were sent back to your dressing rooms to get back into your normal clothing then come out to look over the pictures.

Pictures came out perfect.

"That one has to be my favorite" you say, referring to the picture of Drew sitting behind you, left hand on your waist, head on your shoulder. You sit between his legs, lean back against his chest, and wrap your arms tenderly around his head. You both look sexy and badass. 

Drew and you walked out together with your managers trailing behind you two keeping good distance. You laughed at something he said about filming for Queer when he nearly fell.

"It was really nice getting the chance to work with you, Y/N," Drew admits. "Maybe we should hang out sometime?" Could I get your phone number?

"You're a great person to work with Drew and I would like that, I'm free this Friday if you aren't busy?" You suggest, smiling sweetly.

He chuckles before gazing at his feet, reaching into his pocket for his phone, and handing it to you.

"Perfect, see you soon, Y/N" Drew says, pulling you in for a hug.

"See ya!"

It's been four days since the shoot and your fans have been eager. Calvin Klien teased viewers with behind-the-scenes footage prior to the release of the entire campaign.

One of the clips shows Drew casually tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear in between shoots. Another angle captures the way he murmurs something to you right before a shoot, causing you to giggle softly—an intimate, unscripted moment that only heightens the tension.

Fans on all sorts of social media apps were going crazy. The edits of the clips were being posted. Your phone was blowing up from texts and calls from your closest circle over the campaign ad.

fan88: They didn't have to go this hard for a Calvin Klein ad, but here we are 😳

fan15: i can take them both all at once btw

fan22: so you're telling me this their first time meeting???

fan11: I CAN’T DO THIS. WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY’RE ABOUT TO DEVOUR EACH OTHER!!! 😫

drew starkey: i think we just broke the internet

drew starkey: i'm about to pick you up too

⎯⎯ my taglist! 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

✰ if you would like to be added to my taglist and be notified whenever i post please let me know in the comments or in my ask box. if there's a line across your name that means i couldn't find your account

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[nostarfights]

I Wish You Would

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X blackwidow!fem!Reader

Summary: After months of falling for each other, you and Bucky are finally forced to face your feelings.

Warnings: Mentions of the reader and Bucky’s traumatizing pasts, enemies to lovers, arguing, kissing and a few uses of y/n.

Word Count: 2.3K

a/n: lol this kinda sucks but i hope y’all like it anyway :) happy thunderbolts trailer release day!

the gif below does not belong to me

Even after the Red Room destroyed every bit of your personality, you still felt that you were easy to get along with. Even after you slowly became yourself again and learned what it meant to be somewhat normal in your new position as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, repaying your debts to society, you still remained kind to those who deserved it. You got along with everyone, except for Bucky.

He always knew exactly how to push your buttons and no matter how much you pushed his buttons, the feelings you had for him never truly went away. You hated these feelings as much as you seemed to hate him, you felt weak for falling in love with him. Especially after all of your time in the Red Room where the idea that you were a weapon not a normal person who did and felt normal things was drilled into your head, along with many other things. And although you were now free, that idea that falling in love made you weak still lingered in your head. 

But luckily enough for you, it was easy to avoid Bucky around the tower due to the fact that Fury had only paired the two of you up once since you became a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and later an Avenger two years ago. That exact mission being the one that sparked your feelings for Buck as well as the hatred for these feelings and yourself for feeling them.

You wished that you could stop loving Bucky and go on with your life, but it was impossible. It was as if he had dug himself into your heart and refused to leave, you could never get him off of your mind. No matter how many dates you went on in an attempt to forget him, Bucky always crawled back into your mind. 

So, as a way of dealing with your feelings, you were never kind to Bucky like you were to any other member of the Avengers, arguing with him any chance you got. And deep down, you knew how immature this was but in your mind it was better to be angry at Bucky than in love with him.

Meanwhile, Bucky was going through something quite similar. Given your similar pasts, Bucky was also made to feel as if he was nothing more than a weapon and even though he had been free longer than you had, he still struggled to lead a “normal” life. Whatever that meant. And just like you, he too fell in love with you on that very first mission you went on together. So, he took every bit of anger he had in him out on you, arguing with you anytime the two of you interacted or you even glanced at him.

During his time as the Winter Soldier, Bucky had forgotten how to do a lot of things. He forgot how to love, how to be a person not a weapon, how to deal with feelings that weren’t anger or rage and how to let his guard down around people he knew he could trust. Now that Bucky was a free man and still adjusting to his freedom day by day, the realization that he had fallen in love with you terrified him.

He didn’t know how to love anymore, after all that was something he hadn’t done since before HYDRA had kidnapped him decades ago.

As much as he hated these feelings, he hated you even more for causing him to fall in love with you. He knew that he was at fault for falling in love with you but at times, he felt as if it was your fault due to the fact that aside from Steve, he felt like you were the only other person who understood what he had gone through for years. He opened himself up to you during that first mission, inevitably regretting it after he fell for you. So, as another way of dealing with his feelings, Bucky requested that both Fury and Tony never put you on another mission with him again and they agreed.

He truly could not stand to be around you as long as he was still in love with you.

Ignoring each other and arguing when you did have to interact worked well enough for both of you and was in a way making it easier to deal with the strong feelings of love you felt. That was until Tony called the two of you into his office one day to tell you that you had been assigned to go on a mission together, immediately causing both of you to start to argue.

“What?! Is no one else available for this mission? I don’t want to spend a week alone with him!” you said to Tony, already fuming over the idea of having to spend that much time alone with the man you were head over heels in love with. Tony sighed then spoke again, “No, (y/n), no one else is available. You two are just going to have to learn to get along.” he said, an annoyed look still present on his face. 

“Are you sure I can’t just do this mission alone? Let’s not forget (y/n) over here “accidentally” abandoned Clint during her last mission.” Bucky argued as you frowned, reminding you of your bad habit of running off on your own during missions because of how used to working alone you had been after becoming a Widow. “No, you have to do it together and that’s final. I don’t have time for any more of your arguing.” Tony fired back, tired of you and Bucky being at each other’s throats all the time. 

“Fine!” you both said in unison before promptly storming out of Tony’s office in opposite directions.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Bucky were now three days into the mission and still living in the safehouse that was in the middle of the woods. Awaiting for the man you were sent to catch to come back to this area he supposedly frequented–according to a tip you had received–before their plans to level New York with a bomb was complete. 

While you were there the two of you took turns surveying the area and watching out for this guy. One of you would sleep during the night while the other kept watch and during the day whoever stayed up all night would take a nap until the early afternoon then go to their hiding place.

And unsurprisingly, you and Bucky had argued multiple times everyday since you arrived. But you had to admit, you were beginning to grow tired of the constant arguing. Maybe being in love wasn’t such a bad thing? After all, you had seen how healthy Pepper and Tony’s relationship was and the fact that their love for one another never weakened either of them. They seemed stronger with each other by their side. 

As you and Bucky surveyed the area in your hiding spots up in the trees, these thoughts helped you come to terms with the fact that you were in love with Bucky and that was okay. Being in love with him was now no longer a bad thing to you and now that you felt this way after fully processing your feelings, you promised yourself that you were going to be a lot nicer to Bucky, like you should have been all along. He deserved more kindness in his life and you felt like a fool for letting your feelings and hatred for them blind you.

“Hey! Pay attention!” Bucky shouted at you through the walkie talkie attached to your belt after he had seen you lower your binoculars while you were lost in thought. “Sorry.” you quietly said back before you then raised your binoculars back up to your face, now back in the present instead of letting your mind race.

The lack of any sort of insult or argument in your response confused Bucky. The two of you had argued almost everyday for the past two years and now you suddenly weren’t? It didn’t make sense at all to Bucky. And in this moment, Bucky began to wonder if the reason for your mean behavior was the same as his.

Thoughts of the possibility of you loving him back raced through his mind. And as these thoughts went through his head, Bucky also began to wonder what he was going to do. But for the time being, he decided that the least he could do was willingly show you the kinder side of his personality like he had two years ago.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night once the sun had gone down and you were sure that there was no chance of the guy you were looking for appearing while you went back to the safe house, you both climbed down from your hiding spots in the trees and started to walk back, neither of you saying a single word the entire time.

“Hey, what’s up with you today? We haven’t argued at all.” Bucky said as he stopped you near the front door to the safehouse, making you tempted to fire back with a rude response like you usually did but you remained calm. “Nothing, I’m fine. I just don't feel like arguing with you anymore. Y’know?” you simply said while you started to walk again and entered the house. This response confused Bucky even more. Maybe you did actually love him? “Yeah, I guess.” he sheepishly replied as he followed you, the house still noticeably cold even with the heat on.

As for the rest of the night, it was your turn to eat a quick dinner, shower and go to sleep while Bucky kept watch. It took you a while to fall asleep but once you did, you were thrown into nightmare after nightmare, each one worse than the last.

But the one that your brain decided to focus on the longest reminded you of every bit of trauma you had experienced in the Red Room. In this nightmare, you were back in the Red Room and the speakers in there blared the sound of Dreykov’s voice screaming that you were a weak little girl and no one was coming to save you over and over again while you were forced to fight to the death the girls who had been in the program with you while red lights flashed, almost completely blinding you.

Meanwhile, the sound of your screams and thrashing coming from the bedroom as you went through this horrible nightmare alerted Bucky and he rushed over to you right away, turning the lights on as he entered the room. The second he reached you, he placed his hands on your shoulders as he sat next to you on the bed and shook you awake, “(Y/N)!” he shouted a few times as he continued to try to wake you up. And luckily you quickly awoke within one minute after Bucky had initially entered the room, freeing you–for now–from the trauma that has taunted you for years.

“Bucky!” you called out once you opened your eyes and saw him there, tackling him in a hug the second you were fully conscious. In this moment as you hugged a now shocked Bucky, you felt extremely glad that it was just a dream and you weren’t back there, fighting for your life. You were safe and in the arms of the man you loved.

“It’s okay, doll. You’re safe, I’m here.” he murmured into your ear as he held you close and slowly rocked you back and forth, one hand on the back of your head while his other arm was wrapped around your body.

The sound of that nickname as well as his touch ignited something in you, causing you to feel the need to tell him how you felt immediately as your cheeks blushed and goosebumps appeared on your arms. 

“There’s something I need to tell you. I love you Bucky, that’s why I‘ve always been so mean to you. I was a fool and couldn’t deal with the fact that I had fallen in love with someone after being told for years that falling in love was a sign of weakness and not something meant for me. But I’ve realized that I’m not weak for loving you.” you quickly explained once you had left Bucky’s arms, not having the strength to hold back your feelings for another second.

As soon as Bucky heard these words leave your lips, a feeling of relief washed over him and he realized that he wasn’t weak either for loving you. Hearing this admission from you healed him in a way and reminded him that he wasn’t the emotionless monster HYDRA had turned him into anymore. 

Not feeling the need to say another word in this moment, Bucky softly grabbed your face in both of his warm hands and passionately kissed you, hoping that this kiss conveyed to you how he felt. “We’re so stupid,” he said with a laugh once he had pulled away from your lips, your face slowly leaving his hands, “I love you too and I have since that first mission we ever went on together. I’m sorry I was so mean, I shouldn’t have taken the anger I was feeling out on you. You helped me learn how to love again, I need you to know that.” he replied, explaining himself as he looked into your eyes. “I’m sorry too, Buck.” you said before you then swiftly pulled him in for another kiss.

“Be my girl, doll, please.” Bucky begged once your lips separated moments later. “I always have been.” you whispered to him as you gazed back into his eyes, prompting both of you to tightly hug each other once more, cheeks blushing.

NAVIGATION

[gay-dorito-dust]

I have something for Johnny if you want.

Johnny x shy!reader that has scarlet witch powers? Being Johnny girlfriend and Johnny family adores shy!reader

‘I’m starting to think my family likes you more then me at this point.’ Johnny says one day as he face planted your shared bed.

‘How so Johnny?’ You asked sweetly as you waved your hand as you brought a blanket over your boyfriend’s body with your magic, never failing to notice the soft smile that grew across his face as he lifts himself from the pillow to face you.

‘Are you kidding me? I mean look at you!’ He exclaims as he gestures to all of you shamelessly, making you feel a little exposed by his beautiful brown doe eyes that never seemed to fail in making you melt. ‘You’re sweet, compassionate, adorable to an unfair extent it makes me question how a being as beautiful as you could exist, and did I forget to mention that you’re an absolute badass with your powers?’ Johnny adds with a smirk as he saw how easily affected you were by his words as he counts off everything he found to adore you for on his fingers.

You groan playfully as you smacked Johnny on his bicep, a sheepish smile began to spread across your lips, all the while attempting to fight back the butterflies that were making their presence known within your stomach. It didn’t matter if you were dating Johnny for a few weeks or a few months, for he would always find ways to make you feel as though no time has passed between the two of you.

You at first didn’t want anything to do with the cocky, overly confident, playboy known as Johnny Storm and stayed away from him for a good while…until you couldn’t and it lead to what you considered the best decision you ever made in agreeing to let him take you on a date. However recently Johnny’s sister Sue, her husband Reed and Ben had been taking note of the subtle changes within johnny and knew someone was the reason behind it, which had lead to Johnny dragging you to the Baxter building more times then you can count to meet his family; whom of which had grown a fondness towards you and your positive influence on Johnny himself.

‘Johnny…’ you drew out his name as you buried your head into his shoulder, holding him close as you selfishly leeched off of his warmth, not that you’d ever tell him this but you were certain with how eager he was to keep you in his arms chuckling. He was very much aware and was more than willing to indulge you as he was just as much addicted to your soft, comforting hugs that he swore to high heavens he would die without.

‘I’m not lying! You should hear them half of the time! Where’s y/n? Johnny, go get your better looking partner. Johnny, where is my future sibling in law, you can’t hog them all the time.’ Johnny replied as he made dramatic voices for the likes of Sue, Ben and Reed based on the most recent interactions with them, most of which were asking for you or wondering how you were in general. Johnny didn’t mind, if anything he was downright ecstatic knowing that his family were just as obsessed with you as he was, he adored how you and his sister got along the most; knowing straight away from the moment he found you and his family sharing stories in the kitchen that this was something he wanted to see more often in the future.

Commitment wasn’t his thing, it never was until he met you, and as cliche as that sounded -and he knew just how cliche it came across- but it was true and Johnny wouldn’t want it any other way. He’d even claim you had put some type of spell on him, to which you only hide your smile from his groan inducing joke in regard to your magical abilities. He even remembered the day that he realised that you were the type of person he wanted to bring to his family, something he never gave a deeper insight into before you mind you as he never felt that deep of connection.

So everyday when he wakes up to see you cuddled into his side peacefully and safely, he considered himself the most luckiest man alive, and he didn’t bother to hide it either as he bragged to anyone with ears that someone as wonderful as you had chosen a hotheaded stud muffin -his words- like him.

You smiled as you cuddled further into him, knowing firsthand that he was right, and you were still getting use to the idea that his family adored you from the moment Johnny brought you to your first of many Sunday family diners. You remembered sweating bullets and tugging at your formal attire, but Sue and Reed were more than welcoming and reassuring, meanwhile Ben was full on teasing Johnny about how he was growing into a true man.

However before you could respond you were quick to remember that you were very much late for your day out with Sue. You gasp upon realisation as you push Johnny away from you, who fell back into the bed, staring up at the ceiling in disbelief that you had just pushed him away. ‘I’m late!’ You cried as you moved away from your baffled boyfriend, who had propped himself to his arms.

‘Late for what?’ Johnny asks as he watched you sort yourself out for an outing he wasn’t aware was taking place.

You smiled softly, not wanting to give too much away of what you and Sue had planned prior. ‘Sue wanted help to find something for Reed for Valentine’s Day, and I agreed to help her.’ You half lied, well you weren’t lying about helping his sister find something for Reed, but what you had left out was the fact that you were also using this time to find something for Johnny yourself. To you he deserved something for being such an amazing partner, and you were thankful that Sue was more than happy to help you in doing so during your most recent late night conversations with the blonde woman.

‘I just want to find something for him that he’ll love,’ you told Sue as you allowed your magic to flourish between your fingertips, a nervous habit you had developed the moment you realised that you were capable of feet’s no other magic user has ever accomplished before, it was a comfort to you and brought your mind back to what was most important to you and what was most important to you was Johnny smiling.

She smiles, glad to know that her brother was blessed with someone like you, reached out to grab your hand in hers as she squeezed it in reassurance. ‘Whatever you get him, I’m certain Johnny will treasure forever.’

‘Really? You really think so?’ You asked her, still a little nervous despite having been with Johnny for a while, but that man had a way to make you feel as though you were falling for him all over again and you wanted to hate him for it, and yet you found yourself becoming shy and flustered whenever the man even threw his arm over your shoulder. If this was what love was like then you hoped to stay in this never ending state of adoration and mutual understanding for as long as you could.

‘I know so.’ Sue replied, her eyes had a knowing look to them. ‘Johnny would take anything you give him becuase you were the one that give it to him, that thought that he would like it and all he’ll care about is that you had him on the mind and to show that you care about him.’ She finished, squeezing your hand again when she saw sparks of your magic come to life at your fingertips, rubbing her thumb across the back of your hand. You smiled at her. ‘Then I can’t wait for tomorrow.’ You tell her, beaming.

Johnny smiled from his place on the bed, again happy to see you and his sister bond and become close to one another, it was a simple thing that he didn’t know he needed but then again that was the magical thing about you. You made him want simple and small things that he would’ve taken for granted, or not even considered in the first place, and for that he couldn’t help but find himself wanting moments like this in your future together.

However before Johnny could open his mouth to push you for more details on your outing with his sister, the door opened to reveal Sue stood on the other side, obviously having been waiting for you but not showing an ounce of annoyance in the slightest.

‘I’m here to steal your partner.’ Sue says to her brother as she grasps your arm, pulling you to her side.

‘Not the first time my beloved is being stolen from me by you, Reed or Ben.’ Johnny scoffs playfully as he watched you and Sue link arms, already acting like you were in laws for a long time with how relaxed and comfortable you were with one another.

‘Oh you can have them back as soon as we’re finished shopping.’ Sue retorted.

‘So like ten hours from now?’ Johnny sarcastically replies with and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sibling squabble, making him look at you with a warm smile. ‘Don’t I get a goodbye kiss at least from my most beloved?’ Before you could give him his kiss, Sue drags you out of the room with her and out the door, though not before shouting over her shoulder followed by your laughter. ‘You’ve had enough time today to trade kisses, now you have to wait.’

Johnny only groans dramatically as he flops back onto his bed, impatiently waiting for you to come back not even seconds after you left his room, he really was in love like the sappy bastard Ben teased him in being.

[practicalgauntlet]

τότε μείνε μαζί μου

"Then stay with me."

Spencer's POV

Synopsis- They say there are 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Well, I'd like to add one more- Revenge.

Category- Heavy angst, retribution

Warnings- feral Spencer, angry Spencer, grieving Spencer, beating someone half to death, blood and gore, thoughts of violence, actual violence, Spencer goes ape shit the way Hotch beat Foyet. Vivid details of someone's nose breaking, blood, lots and lots of blood, OOC, I paint a very graphic image of Spencer's snap.

Notes- I love writing angst, I don't know why I just hope you enjoy it. And I'll make good on my promise for something tooth-rottingly sweet, so don't get too angry with me <3 This goes out to @slipk-holy for helping me edit, you're the best!!!

Wordcount- 3,123

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Spencer sits in the middle of his apartment, his last words to your lifeless body still echoing throughout his otherwise empty mind.

"I'll wait for you my darling, you better be waiting for me on the other side."

Spencer was not a religious man. But when it came to you, he believed in miracles. He believed that someone out there plucked you from your divine path and placed you in his life. Spencer prayed to whoever had put you in his life to return you. He pleaded to hold you in his arms once more, but there was no answer.

He never believed in the afterlife. He thought of it as nothingness, a lack of consciousness where one ceases to exist on any plane. The idea of holding you, of seeing you once more clung to the fibers of his mind. It kept him from breaking entirely.

So maybe Spencer was a man of religion if only it meant you awaited him with open arms.

He hadn't moved in such a long time, his back aching from the upright and cross-legged position on his hardwood floors. Spencer lacked the motivation to crawl onto the couch or drag his body into the shower. He hadn't had the motivation to do anything really, other than replay the memories he held so dear to his heart.

But as he looked around his apartment, still teeming with the life you lived there, disdain rose up his throat like bile; burning a path through his body until he was boiling over with it.

Your most recent book was still open on the coffee table, the collection you brought with you still mixed with his on the massive bookshelf. Your slippers were still haphazardly strewn across the floor where you left them that morning, the echo of your halfhearted attempt to convince him to call in sick was still so fresh.

He felt something hot and putrid clawing its way out of him, singing every piece of skin and bone it touched on its way out. It was nasty, and vile, leaving a trail of change in its wake. Spencer could feel the mutation in his soul. He could feel the emptiness devour him whole, chewing on his bones for every last morsel he had to offer.

All that was left was a devastating rage. A fury that threatened the world around him. An indignation that promised singed handprints wherever he touched. A wrath so powerful he was no longer the man he was proud of. He was a stranger, an offensive mockery of what once was.

And the best part?

Spencer didn't care.

Spencer didn't care as he stood up and kicked the coffee table into the wall sending glass shattering all over the floor. He plucked the book out of the pile of carnage, not giving a shit about the splinters of glass embedded into his fingertips.

Spencer didn't care as he ripped the pages out of the book, hurling the empty hardback through the window. He watched with a sick satisfaction as the destruction sparkled around him.

Next was his bookshelf, the stories and words he'd share with you when the two of you couldn't sleep now flung across the room. The bookshelf was toppled, and not a care in the world was given as it crashed to the floor.

Spencer was a whirlwind of devastation, a tornado of obliteration so fierce there wasn't a corner nor cabinet that was untouched by rage.

Wherever you lingered, he destroyed. The chair you'd always sit at was slammed into the wall. The mug you favored was shattered against the floor. Every instance of your memory, of your ghost, was annihilated by his hand.

When he got to the bedroom, his chest heaving with firey vengeance, he paused.

Your side of the bed was still crinkled, the indention of your head imprinted on the pillow. Your Kindle was still charging on your nightstand. Your knickknacks and decorations still hung in every corner and on every shelf.

It was like you were just at the store and he should start dinner so it would be hot for when you got home. Like you were in the shower or on call. Anything but dead.

He couldn't tear apart the last remaining proof that you lived, that you had grasped his heart with your bare hands and allowed him the same privilege.

No, he couldn't bring himself to taint the preserved capsule of the life he shared with you with anger. Or sadness. Or the grief that left him raw and vulnerable. He couldn't even step one foot past the doorway.

He closed the door.

There was no use in even trying.

Before he could move on to the bathroom, the itch in his fist for more destruction too tempting for someone so usually non-violent, his phone rang somewhere in the apartment.

Spencer didn't feel like answering it or talking to someone about his wife and the chokehold her death has on him. He was perfectly content in watching his world crumble around him alone.

But it rang. And it rang. And it rang.

In a sudden burst of energy, Spencer marched right up to the source of the maddening noise. His mobile phone was neatly tucked into his satchel pocket, at fifty percent, just the way he left it after unceremoniously tossing the stupid fucking bag to the floor.

Spencer grabbed the phone in one hand and his heaviest lamp in the other. There was something so twisted about the relief that flooded him every time he brought the base of the lamp down on the phone.

His teammates would call it overkill if the phone was a person and the lamp was a knife. They would profile him as someone who was devolving, someone so close to snapping almost entirely that they had to act swiftly. In a way, he was. In a way, he was exactly like the monsters they hunted for the bloodlust that raged through him was for one thing only.

No amount of superficial destruction could keep his need for violence a bay. No, Spencer needed something organic to put his fists through. But for now, the insistent ringing of his phone has stopped, and he felt just a tad bit better.

Until his landline rang.

There was no breaking this phone, the technology old but surprisingly durable. So he only had one choice left if he were to save the last remaining shred of sanity he was clinging to.

"What the fuck is so important that you have to call me every six seconds?!"

He seethes, face hot with ire.

"Woah," J.J, breathes into the phone. "Calm down, Spence. I'm just calling to check up on you."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry, Spen-. I'm sorry. I just needed to know you were okay."

Spencer was beyond annoyed, beyond aggravated. He could feel himself splitting at the seems with hatred and violence.

And Spencer didn't care if he was taking it out on his friend. Spencer stopped caring a long time ago.

"Oh, I'm fucking fantastic J.J. Just beaming with joy! It's not like my wife died not even twenty four hours ago. No, everything's happy unicorns and God damn rainbows."

J.J. just sighed.

"Spencer, I'm just trying to be there for you."

He could hear the desperation in her voice. But instead of comforting him like it should have, like it had done in the past, it irritated him even more.

"Sure, thanks."

Spencer was ready to hang up, ready to unplug the phone and toss it out of the broken window. But he heard something in the background, and his attention was once again drawn away from his agony.

It sounded as if someone were speaking to J.J., their tone urgent and dead serious. Spencer couldn't make out the words, but he could make out the importance of them.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. We're just having some problems with an unsub."

He knew exactly who she was talking about, knew why she was purposefully vague with him. And the second it all clicked, the second a plan swiftly formed in his head, he was dead set on a path.

"Okay... just- stop calling me for a while."

He played into the grieving husband shtick, not letting a drop of indignation seep through his voice. Arousing suspicion would nip his brilliant plan in the bud, and Spencer just couldn't have that.

J.J. was hesitant to agree, with her being an amazing friend and all, but ultimately relented. Spencer just needed space is all, at least that's what she told herself.

Spencer gently sat the receiver down, an eerie calm settling over him. It was a rage he'd never felt before, one that guaranteed an end. A retribution.

Revenge.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

It was easy for Spencer to just walk into headquarters.

Too easy.

Maybe it was because of the pallor of his skin, or the dark bags that had become so much darker. Maybe it was even the shabby robe he still wore; his pajamas reeking of depression.

Either way, Spencer didn't linger for long. The faster he was in and out, the less suspicion he'd raise. The less suspicion he arose, the longer he'd have with his ultimate agenda.

It was calculated perfectly, executed just so. Swiftly enter the building, sadly waving to the guards all the while mumbling about friends, and help, and shoulders to cry on. Sympathy was so easy to wrangle, so easy to manipulate.

They let him in, their eyes downcast to avoid the miserable expression on his face. He should be upset at how easy it was to get in. There really should be more security. But then again, he didn't really care, did he?

He breezed passed the main office, passed the badge check, and into the elevator. Now would probably be the point where reality would hit. Was he really planning on interfering with an ongoing investigation, just to get answers he could deduce himself?

But none of that even registered as he watched the numbers slowly click up.

The lobby leading into the bullpen was empty, void of his friends or the others he knew only in passing. He was alone. The perfect environment to enable his downward spiral.

That collected calmness puppeteered him like a marionette, its hooked claws pulling the strings of his limbs towards the hallway that led to the interrogation rooms.

This is where he heard the commotion of the BAU in action. Hushed demands, muffled yelling, the occasional sigh of frustration. They hadn't noticed him yet, his socked feet concealing his footsteps.

He popped his head around the corner, watching as Hotch, Morgan, and Emily whisper to each other in front of the viewing window. J.J. and Rossi were sitting inside the room, their backs towards the window and their undivided attention upon Dimitri Cain.

Just the sight of the man had his blood boiling, his fingers twitching, and his throat closing around a violent burst of every emotion possible.

Anger- because his wife was dead and he was the man responsible.

Sadness- because he was reminded that he could never look upon the love of his life ever again.

Jealousy- because he wasn't the one in the room, demanding answers and getting them.

Joy- because he was closer to scratching that itch than he thought possible.

J.J. and Rossi exit the room, their faces grim and arms crossed with frustration. The five of them move away from the interrogation room.

"We need to form another plan,"

He heard Hotch say, his voice tight and stern.

The team agreed and left the door in the hands of a guard whilst they plotted. Now was the perfect time. He couldn't believe the luck he was having.

Maybe there was such a thing as the divine.

"You're not supposed to be here, Dr. Reid."

The guard said as Spencer approached.

"I was called in to help, you can ask Hotch but I doubt he'd enjoy being second-guessed."

"I just don't think-"

"Please..."

Spencer pleaded, and the tone he used was genuine this time. There was no manipulation nor tactic to persuade, only unadulterated desperation.

"I need something to do."

The words unsaid seemed to be as loud as those spoken, the guard's face falling with sympathy as he hesitated.

I need something to distract me.

Only a brief second did Spencer play with the idea of attacking the guard. He knew of all the pressure points to swiftly and quietly take him down; it wouldn't be hard to get what he needed.

But the guard stepped aside.

"Thank you."

The heavy door was opened.

Spencer stepped through, his body tingling with a blazing fire.

The door clicked shut.

He was alone with the object of his undoing. The breaker of his world. And there was nothing more dangerous than a desperate man with nothing to lose.

Spencer sat across from Dimirti, the man in question eyeing him with a speculating gaze.

"You're gettin' nothin' outta me."

Dimitri leaned back and blatantly challenged Spencer.

"I just have a few questions."

"Are you even a fuckin' fed? You look like shit."

Spencer unconsciously mimicked Dimirti's stance, staring the man down with an unbreaking mask of tranquil fury. He let his silence answer for him, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back in the chair.

"Alright, I see how it is."

"And how is it, Dimitri?"

"It's that reverse psychology shit, not gonna work on me."

Spencer just shook his head.

"Just ask me the stupid fuckin' questions already so I can get this shit over with."

Spencer hummed, clasping his hands in front of him and leaning forward on his elbows.

"Why did you take her?"

"Again with this bitch-"

"Watch your fucking mouth."

Eyes wide, Dimitri stilled. Then, realization glided across his face. A slow smile spread, tainting Spencer with its wickedness.

"You're the husband."

It wasn't a question but a mere statement.

You got what you want, I have a husband-

Please! I don't want to die!

Spencer pounced like a lion, toppling the table with Dimitri still cuffed to it. He was lost in the rage, mind, and body willingly subject to the agonizing fury that was slowly becoming a shield.

He couldn't hear anything, not a thought registered. Only the broken screams of his wife as she pleaded to live.

Spencer straddled Dimitri, completly in control as the man beneath him writhed.

Something sick and twisted bloomed inside him with the first punch. With the second, that evil forged a bond with his soul. Once pure and golden, Spencer Reid was now as dark as the blood that seeped from Dimitri's nose.

On the third punch, Spencer could feel the cartilage break. The splintering of his knuckles was nothing but an afterthought to the satisfaction and relief that plagued him.

Dimitri wiggled under him, trying with all his might to kick him off or slide his hands out of the cuffs. But Spencer kept going.

He brought his fist down again, Dimitri's face already swollen beyond recognition. The deep burgundy of Dimitri's blood sprayed across Spencer's face, across his chest, and outward into the air.

Unbeknownst to Spencer, he was giddy. His face stretched in a feral grin, every tooth shining with glee as he continued to pummel Dimitri into the stained marble floor.

Someone was screaming, the ragged and unfamiliar sound muffled like it was underwater. His ears were ringing, adrenaline and undiluted grief pushing everything Spencer ever was deep into an iron box and tossing it down the hole you left in his heart.

It wasn't until he was ripped from Dimirti, that he realized he was the one screaming.

"You killed her!"

Spencer thrashed against the strong body behind him, the grip under his arms unmoving despite his best efforts.

"You killed my wife!"

Feebly, Spencer tried to continue the beating, swinging his long legs towards the motionless body lying on the floor. Something wet hit his face, the sensation shocking his senses back into the present.

Derek was behind him, growling his name like Spencer was a rogue unsub who refused to listen.

He was dragged out of the room, his limbs now hanging numbly at his sides. Cold metal was wrapped around his wrists before anyone even tried talking to him.

Spencer welcomed the bite, savoring the only thing he could feel.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

Hotch was in his face, his eyes wide with frustration. The team was behind him, but Spencer didn't even spare them a glance. He just looked past Hotch, unseeing and unfeeling.

"Spencer!"

Finally, he dragged his emotionless gaze towards his boss who was frothing at the mouth with anger.

"I don't know."

"I don't know, I don't know? What do you mean, 'I don't know'? I should fire you!"

"Then do it."

What did he have to live for anyways?

A team that would only look at him with pity? A family that would treat him like he were made of glass, cracked and begging to be shattered.

Hotch huffed a sigh, hands on his hips.

"Listen, kid. I know exactly what you're going through. Vengeance isn't the answer."

"Says the man who did the same exact thing I just did. The only difference between you and me is that you got your retribution immediately."

Spencer hated the look of understanding that creased Hotch's brows, the empathy that threatened to undo all the apathy that was holding him together.

"This anger isn't going to bring her back..."

Spencer knew this. He knew nothing could bring you back. No amount of praying, religious devotion, and possible rituals would bring you back to him.

The simple truth was that he was lost without you.

He didn't know how to live without you by his side.

Something dripped onto his hands clasped in his lap. When he looked up and could see nothing but his swimming vision, he realized he was crying.

An unstoppable sob wracked his body, forcing his shoulders to cave in and his chest to implode. The damn was bursting, his walls cracking with each broken cry.

When he took a deep breath, a feeble attempt to control the crumbling mess that was his mental state, it all crashed around him.

His throat burned with the intensity of his scream. All his grief, all his anger, and sadness, and desolation were unleashed. He curled in on himself, hugging his sides as if he were able to replicate the feeling of your embrace.

The team surrounded him, hushed assurances, and murmured comfort as they all wrapped their arms around him. It still wasn't enough.

It still wasn't you.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

A/N- This was supposed to cure my writer's block, but it still has its claws in me. I keep comparing my writing and my stories to those I see on my feed and I only get discouraged. But comparison is the thief of joy, so please let me know if you enjoy this. Feedback is very much welcome in any form but I need to know if I'm doing something right.

[moonydoodlez]

Little White Lies

Pairing: James Potter x Slytherin!Reader

Summary: Reader smells something that's vaguely familiar in the Amortentia but can't quite figure out who it is.

Warnings: Use of y/n twice

Wordcount: 1,149

A/n: Reg, Barty, Evan, and reader are all not friends with snape or mulciber

Hogwarts at spring was always your favorite. The bright sun warming your skin, lovely meadows dotted with flowers. Classes always seemed a little easier, everything just felt lighter.

You longingly stared out the window you were sat next to. Fingers tediously playing the with quill that was in your hands, destined to stain your fingers black. God was it too perfect of a day to waste inside.

A few giggles surrounding you suddenly broke you out of your daze. Your eyes darted around the room when suddenly they fell on Professor Slughorn. His eyebrow cocked up and a playful glare on his face.

"Am i bothering your nap time" He jokes. "Or shall I continue"

"Yeah sorry" You smile nervously, setting your quill back down on the table and adjusting your position to actually pay attention this time.

"Like I was saying Potter and y/l/n" He reads off your names, before just as quickly moving onto the next pair.

Your head whipped to the left to find James and the rest of the marauders already glaring daggers into your head. You weren't one to hate many people, despite what nonsense the green that adorned your body put into peoples head.

James and his co marauders however had become the exception over the years. You had never spent much time with them but you were one of the many who were prime targets for their pranks.

The first two years of school you managed to get away from their mischievousness, and you even thought it was funny. Especially when they went after Snape and Mulciber. Who even you could agree were utter twats.

However when you became friends with Regulus, Barty, and Evan you began getting lumped into the 'bad slytherins' group. Which was weird considering Barty wasn't even in your house.

Time had passed and everyone had expected the boys to get over their childish antics. Yet even in your sixth year they seemed to cause a daily quarrel amongst everyone.

You sighed and look back down at your quill and parchment, wanting to no longer think about the boys who were definitely still staring at you.

"Can anyone tell me what this is" Professor Slughorn asks, pointing at the large cauldron with a bubbling pink liquid.

A Ravenclaw who sat next to you quickly shot her hand up answering.

"Good, yes it's amortentia" He smiles proudly. "Does anyone know what it does, and or the side effects of it" His eyes trail around the classroom before finally landing in you. "Y/n"

"It's a love potion but it causes obsession not love" You answer making sure to keep your answer short and concise.

In the corner of your eyes you could see blonde curls shaking around. Your eyes wandered to Evan smiling putting both thumbs up. You tilted your head at him giving him a confused smile. What a weirdo that one was.

"Correct, it also is extremely powerful" He adds. "Now if everyone would please find their assigned partners we can get started.

You waited until the majority had already found their new spots before stalking to the other side of the room where James was standing looking into the bubbling cauldron.

"Goodluck" Barty smiled pushing his shoulder into yours as he walked by. You were going to need a lot more than luck. A gun maybe.

"Potter" You snarled looking up at the boy.

"I don't want to be around you any less than you don't want to be around me" He looked up and down slowly before his eyes settled on the front of the classroom.

"Alright now I want everyone to smell what's in their cauldrons and discuss what it is you smell" He smiled. "However do no drink it or touch it, or anything that seems stupid" He added.

Nobody missed the pointed looks that found their ways to the marauders from others in the class and Professor Slughorn.

You watched James lean slowly in closing his eyes as he took a whiff of the potion. Slowly pushing his messy curls back in precaution. You hated to admit it but you understood why girls seemed to flock to him.

His lips parted for a moment before his eyes opened again.

"What are you smiling at" He huffed staring at you.

You quickly straightened up, your slight smile dropping as quickly as it had formed.

"Move let me smell" You grunted slightly pushing him out of the way. Closing your eyes you inhaled the scent.

Broom polish, tangerines, and a faint smell of what you think is coconut oil.

You pulled away, a slight frown on your face, the smell felt so familiar like it was something you had smelled a million times. It felt like you should've been able to guess it instantly. Yet you couldn't

"What did you smell" James asks. Moving his hands to the table and leaning a little closer to you.

For a moment you're confused because he almost actually seems interested in what you have to say. God were you tempted to tell him but who were you if not petty.

"Tell me yours first" You challenge.

James began saying the first thing he smelled before Sirius laughed loudly and there was a large noise from behind and suddenly James was no longer by your side.

You rolled your eyes giving one last smell. Letting the flavors mix and you felt so close to figuring out who it was.

When suddenly like a bird hitting a window, it hit you.

Shit.

...

"He is so infuriating i don't know how i am going to be able to stand him for the rest of another year" You groan throwing yourself onto Barty's bed.

"You could always murder him" He suggests, not a single ounce of sarcasm in tone or face.

"Yes Bartimaeus that is a wonderful idea, thankyou for your input" You sarcastically smile at the boy before it instantly falls.

"It's okay babe you tried to help" Evan smiles sympathetically at Barty who is wiping fake tears from his eyes. "We can murder someone another time" He coos, rubbing his hand up and down his back.

You rolled your eyes, covered your face with a blanket to block out the light. You heard footsteps before there was a dip at the end of the bed. The smell of expensive cologne filled your sense as you closed your eyes.

"You know it could be worse, you could've been paired up with my brother" Regulus added.

"Well I guess that's true" You replied.

"So what exactly did you smell" Evan asked before rolling over on top of Barty and stuffing his head into the boys sweatshirt.

"Oh um i don't really remember" You giggled nervously.

They all looked at you, a weird look on their faces. One that clearly read that none of them believed you.

"Hmm must've been Snape" Barty laughed.

taglist: @chososrightpigtail

Masterlist James Potter Masterlist

[lesmiix]

Helloo (๑'ᴗ')ゞ, could you do NSFW headcanons with Hyun-ju, about how she would do it and that, ty! 💗

NSFW Headcanons

Hyun-ju x fem!reader

Summary: What would Hyun-ju be like in bed?

Warnings: NSFW, oral sex, orgasm mention, cum, pre and post bottom surgery!!

a/n: 💗REQUESTS FOR HYUN JU ARE OPEN💗

Pre bottom surgery💗

You probably wouldn't have sex until you were 3-4 months into your relationship.

She was so embarrassed and scared that you wouldn't like her body.

In those first months you guys would have LOTS of deep talks, sitting on the living room's couch, while you tightly hold her hands between yours, trying to make her feel safe and understood.

It would be likely that sometimes, while you were sitting on top of her, while doing her makeup or just cuddling, you would suddenly notice a hard bulge in her pants. You wouldn't say anything about it, you really didn't mind and you didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so you just let it be while you continued doing your thing.

Actually I think that that's how you guys got to be intimate for the first time, as even if you didn't say anything, she would know that you noticed so, she would simply apologize while giggling and looking anywhere else but to you, as she put her hands crossed on her sweatpants, trying to hide it.

Probably she wouldn't use her cock in the first few times you both were intimate, but after few time she'd feel comfortable enough for you to see her fully naked.

You let out a chuckle, telling her that it was okay, that it didn't bother you, as you took her hands in yours and you removed them from where they were, letting her quite exposed. You would give her a couple kisses to calm her down, but it turned out into a make out session, which ended in more.

Anytime she'd start to feel a little bit anxious you would calm her down, reminding her how beautiful she is and how good she looked on top of you.

She would be really gentle with you, always asking you if you felt good or comfortable. You would just nod your head while you let out whimpers and soft moans, also digging your nails into her back, trying not to scratch too hard.

As she thrusted in you, she would def look deeply into your eyes, watching them close tightly from the pleasure you felt.

Even though she usually was really soft and slow, she also could be very rough once in a while.

Especially when she was jealous or upset about anything, but also when you walked around the house in just one of her shirts and some panties.

Hyun-ju would prefer giving than receiving, but she wouldn't complain when you offered her a blowjob.

Oh that drove her crazy...

Sometimes she would handcuff you to the bed and She would attach a strip of cloth around your eyes so you couldn't see anything, but she would ask for permission ofc and it wasn't that usual.

But she def would love to pin you down on the bed, holding you by your wrists so you couldn't touch her or hold anything, letting you in the most vulnerable position as she roughly thrusted in you, staring at you with the most horny and needy look ever, as she let breathy whimpers, following the rhythm of her thrusts.

"Is everything alright beautiful?"

She would love the view of you sucking her dick, with your hands on her hips and hers in your head, guiding you.

"Just like that beautiful, but you can do it faster"

She would love to cum on your breasts and then lick them... just saying.

She wouldn't really care where in the house you guys had sex. But she really liked it when you did it in the shower or on the couch.

Aftercare would be essential, she would wrap her arms around you, while you were laying on her chest, giving kisses on the top of your head.

"Everything's perfect"

Post bottom surgery💗

Honestly, you couldn't stand the fact that you had to wait 3 months to have sex again, as it had to heal completely for any activity that had to put pressure around the pelvis.

So you just started masturbating more than usual, even in the presence of your girlfriend, you loved to tease her, as she couldn't do the same thing yet.

The same day that the doctor told you that she was completely healed, you had an exhausting night. You couldn't hold yourself, three months is a long time.

That night, you were the top one, and Hyun-ju the bottom. You wanted to make her see the stars, make her know that you loved her.

And she did see the stars, your soft voice talking to her, as you were eating her out, the vibrations running through her body. She felt amazing.

Poor girl...

That night you probably made her cum at least 3-4 times.

Thrusting her with your fingers, curling them inside her, stimulating her soft g-spot while sucking on her clit, slightly squirming on your mouth.

She wanted to do the same for you, but you didn't let her.

"Babe c'mon is not fair"

"This night is just for you, my dear"

a/n: AGHHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED ITTTT

I really enjoyed making this one 🫣

💗REQUESTS FOR HYUN-JU OPEN💗

[lizes-posts]

Title: A Rumble Night to Remember

Warnings: none , fluff

( side note I'm just starting this so it may be bad idk bro )

The energy in the arena was electric, the crowd roaring as the Royal Rumble match unfolded. You sat backstage in the quietest area you could find, your heart pounding with excitement. It had been years since you stepped into a WWE arena, but tonight wasn’t about you—it was about surprising your husband, Jey Uso.

Your five-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, sat beside you, each wearing matching Jey Uso merch, their little faces lit up with excitement. You had made sure to put noise-canceling headphones on them, knowing how loud it could get backstage.

“Mama, when can we see Dada?” your daughter pouted, adjusting the oversized hoodie she was drowning in.

“Yeah! I wanna see Dada too!” your son chimed in, bouncing in his seat.

You smiled, running a hand through his curls. “Soon, babies. Dada is still in the match.”

The twins had been asking for their father non-stop, and you knew there was no better time to bring them back than tonight. You had been watching from the monitors, heart swelling with pride as Jey fought his way through the Royal Rumble. This was his moment, and you wouldn’t miss it for the world.

As the match reached its climax, you held your breath. And then—it happened.

Jey Uso won the Royal Rumble.

The sound of the crowd’s eruption could be felt even backstage, and you instinctively hugged the twins. “Dada did it!” you cheered, lifting them up.

Their eyes widened with excitement. “DADA WON?!”

“He sure did,” you grinned, gathering them in your arms. “Come on, let’s go see him.”

You carried them both toward gorilla position, the place just behind the entrance curtain, where superstars returned after their matches. The excitement in the air was palpable as you stood there, waiting.

And then, through the curtain, Jey appeared.

Sweaty, exhausted, but victorious. The second the twins saw him, they squealed.

“DADA!!”

Jey barely had time to react before two tiny figures sprinted toward him at full speed. His tired expression melted into pure joy as he crouched down, arms wide open, catching them both in a tight hug.

“AYYEEE! My babies!!” Jey laughed, lifting them into his arms, spinning them around despite his exhaustion. “What y’all doin’ here?! This the best surprise ever!”

Standing a few feet away, you watched with a full heart, a soft smile on your lips. Seeing the love on Jey’s face, the way he held your children like they were his entire world, made every moment worth it.

Then his eyes lifted and met yours.

For a moment, it was just the two of you. Years of love, partnership, and unbreakable connection passed between you in a single look. He set the twins down and walked over to you, pulling you into his arms.

“You really here, baby?” he murmured, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead.

“I’m really here,” you whispered back, wrapping your arms around him. “And we’re so proud of you.”

Jey pulled back just enough to look at you, his hand still resting on your waist. “You got no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

You smiled, tilting your head. “Well, good. Because we’re not going anywhere.”

Jey let out a breath of pure happiness before leaning down to kiss you, slow and deep. The twins giggled behind you, making you both laugh as he pulled away.

“Alright, alright,” Jey chuckled, scooping them back into his arms. “Let’s go celebrate, my champs.”

With your husband holding the kids close and your hand intertwined with his, you knew this night would be one to remember forever.

[lara4eclipze]

Camera! - 26 - clubbing

masterlist || next || back

the club raved with songs from different artists — marquise held onto rosé due to her motherly instincts but also because the korean was the first to get really drunk, "lets get more drinks?" you tried to scream over the music

you look behind you see that your friends have seemingly disappeared — i mean vanished out of thin air, and your lack of soberness didn't help either, "fuck!" you wince when you bump into several men which first off ew and second where are you going?

against your better judgement you ordered more shots and danced with other drunk people, unbeknownst to you your friends have already left the club assuming you left first

that's until you wanted to go home, men were being creepy and you felt like throwing up and mightve done so already, you fumbled with your phone trying to book an uber, which went unsuccessful

as the call ended you tried to unblur your eyes to open your location which somehow worked, you stumbled your way out of the club — the air outside was definitely better it felt more fresh and less suffocating

you sat outside the club your boots wet from god knows what — waiting for your pick up, you puked on the sidewalk more times than you would like to admit — well too many times that pop base mightve even captured a picture of it

"fucking pop base" you mutter to your self, till you saw a woman run up to you, red head — nose peircing, oh thats lara right?

"are you alright?, you want anything?" lara asks with genuine concern in her voice as she carried you bridal style to her car, "god you reek of alcohol" lara huffs before laying you at the front seat

the drive was short, for you obviously you were passed out half the time anyway, all you felt was lara carrying you yet again and entering the passcode to your apartment

"stay put" lara says grabbing some pyjamas and changing you into them as she also removes your make up, trying not to stare at your face in the process

you wake up to the sound of your bedroom door opening, thank god for its creaking noises, "lara?" you softly whisper, "yeah?" lara replies, "dont leave, please" you plead extending your arms from your lying position, "okay love" lara responds, grabbing some tshirt in your closet and changing into it before laying next to you

you hide your face at the crook of her neck as her arms loop around your waist, providing warmth and comfort

[taglist] @wtfisthisnoclueman @reiiaokii @1luvkarina @yazzyminny @justtluvrr @sunshinez4 @jaythegirlkisser @meizinisnumberone @yeetaberry127 @goofymickeyr @awhrin @karli6 @p1hbrook @xochitlisbest @caratinluv @bowforgodjihyo @lunawriteskstuff

[xxepherr]

i have another hasan fic idea!! (if your open to requests)

reader is a popstar and releases a surprise single (like "nasty" or "positions" by ariana grande) and he reacts to it on stream and is blushing and flustered listening to it🤭

.ೃ࿐SURPRISE SINGLE

summary — in which you drop a surprise single conveniently while hasan is streaming, and that means he has to react to it on principle.

pairings — hasan piker x popstar!reader (established relationship)

pronouns — none

word count — 1750

note — i am SO open to requests!!!!! i don't personally think he'd blush but i think he'd get flustered word-wise if that makes sense. like SUPER caught off guard by it all. not my best work but i tried </3

WOULD HASAN CONSIDER YOU a closed off person? no. you weren't necessarily secretive either, so when you kept yourself locked away in the studio hasan had put together for you, your head in the clouds for months, he knew something was up.

he wasn't sure what exactly, just that your hands were constantly covered in pen ink by dinner time, and that you hummed the same tune as a mellow afterthought. or the way you disappeared "to the studio" but you never took your notebook with you, and usually came home with your hair a different way or covered in stray glitter.

hasan paid attention, he knew you had an album you were working on that was due to be released later in the year, but you were never this quiet about it. you bounced ideas off him, you let him sit in the studio with you and brainstorm what sound you wanted until you got distracted and gave it up for the day. it was the reason why you usually went to a proper recording studio with producers more often than needed.

either way, he trusted you. he didn't want to pry as much as it would ease the constant itch in his brain. you'd lost quite a bit in simply just dating him in the first place — people didn't like the fact that you were dating a political commentator, but you moved past it fairly easily. ignorance was truly key to happiness. you were happy.

it was like any other day. you woke up, put kaya's harness on her and held the unattached leash separately ( just in case you ran into other dogs and their owners on the way ) and went out for a run on your normal circuit in the neighbourhood. when you got back, you kissed your boyfriend through the car window as he left to go meet his personal trainer at the gym. you made a simple breakfast of cereal and fruit and retreated back to what austin had started calling your cave.

it was for one last time in a while, just to prepare a few things so that you could immediately promote the single once it dropped. it was all lined up and awaited the click of a button . . . just hours from now. you felt jittery with excitement, the secret of a few months so close to being exposed to millions.

HASAN came home and did as he usually did — ate a ridiculously protein fueled meal, took a shower, prepared his things for stream, and then joined you for an episode of the show you were currently watching. in fairness, it was the first time in a while he'd joined you or the show part of that plan, something he was incredibly confused about but not exactly bothered by. it was nice, cuddled up together on the couch, sharing moments together that weren't meals or naps or brief moments you'd bring his food to him while he was locked in on whatever he was talking about on stream.

"i have to get up," hasan's chuckle was breathy, his fingers trying to pry your hands off his bicep. you clung to him with all the strength you had, a whine building in the back of your throat.

"five more minutes," you sighed. you both knew five minutes turned to ten which then turned to at least thirty. once he had been a whole two hours late because you wouldn't let go of him, all to the point where he considered just streaming with you clinging to him like a backpack. he wouldn't, of course, but it was definitely still a thought. he knew you wouldn't care anyway, your lyrics were quite . . . questionable and anyone could decipher what your relationship was like without having to physically see it.

"you wouldn't give me five minutes when you were off being secretive," he challenged lightly, eyes rolling in a playful manner. "i promise i'll take more breaks than usual to come see you," it was a common form of negotiation in situations such as these, one you couldn't argue with.

if you were interested, you'd sit in the chair off camera that murat usually sat in, or you'd sit in the armchair he put in the room just for you to read a book while he chatted politics. you wouldn't be doing that today, not even popping in for a quick hello to ask him something like you normally did. not today.

you let go of his arm, doing so in a way that made it look like he'd finally pried your hands away, and pressed your lips against his cheek. "fine . . ." you drawled in mock disappointment. "go do your job or whatever."

he laughed, standing up from the plush couch and disappearing around the corner. you tapped on your phone, the wallpaper of you and hasan posing with his mum in front of a gingerbread house from christmas last year greeting you with the time. you had a few hours to kill before the single's release, and so in the meantime you could tidy up a few things before his parents arrived later tonight.

HASAN, DESPITE POPULAR BELIEF, didn't actually get annoyed as easily as perceived. things had to pile up and really push every single one of his buttons to create an outburst, and one thing that certainly did that was some dumbass spamming the same thing over and over.

"dude, i can't fucking stand dumbasses like this," he sputtered out his usual rant, one that at least half of his chat could probably recite word for word. "shut the fu—" he cut himself off when he opened the link in a separate tab, a snippet of a sound he hadn't heard before paired with what he knew was footage of the richard nixon presidential library. the part that caught him off guard was that your youtube channel's name was displayed at the bottom as he paused it.

oh. it all made so much sense now. all the hours spent holed up in your studio . . . all the hidden secrets and the sudden shutting of your notebook whenever you were close enough . . . oh.

"okay," hasan cleared his throat, dragging it over to the main screen. he didn't make a big spectacle on unbanning the person who spammed the link because how could he be mad? and set the music video back to the beginning. he couldn't not watch it, not when he'd reacted to all your other songs and music videos on stream. "quick break so we can watch this."

heaven sent you to me, i'm just hopin' i don't repeat history.

already, he was justifying it in his head as if he really had to. the title, positions, had him a little nervous as if you hadn't written suggestive songs about your relationship before. it was a little more obvious in the target demographic ( himself, mainly ) when you, in the music video, were clearly meant to be depicted as the president of the united states.

boy, i'm tryna meet your mama on a sunday. then make a lotta love on a monday.

okay, it shouldn't have been a huge deal. it wasn't. once again, this was no different from what you had written before, if anything, this was probably more toned back. even with that, the fact that he had no warning about you dropping this song whatsoever had his face feeling warm at the contents.

switchin' them positions for you, cookin' in the kitchen and i'm in the bedroom . . .

he was uncharacteristically silent through the rest of the song, not glancing away from the video on his monitor. not even to stare at either one of his chat that he had open. he only snapped out of his daze when the lyrics begun to fade and the door to the room swung open.

"thoughts?" he heard your voice before he saw you, a skip in your step as you made it over to stand behind his chair. you leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck, eyes scanning the chat that he had finally started scrolling through again like he wasn't just at a loss for words.

"uh, i, uh," he stuttered momentarily, clearing his throat. the messages he scrolled through were turning into various greetings directed at you. you giggled softly in his ear too quiet for his mic to pick up. "you were fucking amazing, when aren't you?" he just managed to grasp his bearings, looking at you through his monitor.

"aw, i think your face is even a little pink," you leaned even closer, squinting as if to try see it through his beard. tone riddled with tease, "did i do all that?"

hasan glanced away, scoffing out a laugh that you knew was the result of him feeling flustered. he was never super vocal whenever he was embarrassed, but all the signs were there. his body heat had skyrocketed, and he twisting one of his silver rings with one hand while tapping the desk with his other. mission accomplished, you supposed. the secret song was all worth it to witness this.

"thought you'd appreciate me being the president," you shrugged, a grin spreading across your face when he didn't answer "would i be the hottest president ever?"

"mhm, i don't know," he pretended to think, "have you seen obama? man, he could hit a three."

you turned your head slowly, your eyes locking with the obama cutout leaning against the wall behind the small cutout of queen elizabeth and bernie sanders. on numerous occasions when you sat in the room while he was working or when they used to do the podcast in here, you would have to get up and turn it around so you didn't feel like obama was staring into your soul.

"yeah, okay," rolling your eyes, you straightened back up, mindlessly lifting your hands up to fluff up the back of his hair. "i'll let you get back to talking about . . ." you glanced at his other monitor, "elon musk." the face you pulled was enough to show your subtle disgust because you knew one word would have your pr bombarding your phone and you didn't really want to deal with that today.

"i'll take an encore of positions later," hasan added as an afterthought as your fingers left his hair and you waved goodbye to his stream.

"of the song or . . ." you raised an eyebrow at him, and he winked at you in response.

"surprise me."

[ikeromantic]

A fic idea -

Harrison sees MC in a cute lingerie and things got spicy.

I have a soft spot for our minty boy. Approx. 900 words of fluff and spice!

The box appeared quite mysteriously, sometime between dinner and her bath. About the length of a shoe box, as deep as one of the library tomes. It sat atop her pillow, topped with a red bow. She wasn’t sure where it came from or what might be in it. Probably best to report it to Victor in case it was dangerous, but curiosity got the better of her. 

She untied the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside lay some light green satin trimmed with white lace. It looked dainty and incredibly expensive. There was no card or anything inside, just the folded fabric. Her hand twitched toward it, drawn by the desire to see if it was as soft as it looked.

It was.

Buttery soft and light as angel feathers. She lifted it and the folds fell away, revealing the item to be a delicate chemise that looked to be exactly her size. Not that she could imagine wearing such a thing! The satin was so thin that she was sure every curve and line would show. Even if it didn’t, the position of the lace inset would brace her chest in a dangerously revealing way. And it was scandalously short. 

She blushed, thinking about what she would look like wearing it. Her face went even hotter as her thoughts flashed to Harrison. The negligee reminded her of him. So similar to the color of his eyes, a minty green-blue. Cool and sweet. Would he like the way she looked wearing something like this? 

The chemise was nothing like her usual clothing, even her nightgown was demure. She glanced at the white linen hanging on a peg beside her wardrobe. It was cute, ladylike, and appropriate. Words that couldn’t apply to this seductive little slip of satin and lace. She felt an urge to try it on. Just so she could see what it felt like to wear such a thing. 

If the mysterious gift was dangerous, well, she’d already touched it. What more could happen if she wore it for just a moment? Just long enough to see how she looked. She’d put it on, look at herself in the mirror, and then take it off before anyone knew. Fold it back up, tie the ribbon around the box, and report the mystery to Victor. No harm done.

She slipped out of her day clothes and laid them on the back of her vanity chair. She even set aside her corselet and bloomers. Then she lifted the satin and lace, and slid it on, pulling it down over her breasts, belly, and hips. The chemise hugged her curves scandalously. The fabric was so thin it might be confused for paint. And the lace inset between her breasts was exactly as revealing as she’d feared. It drew the eye to the inner curves of her breast and the slight shadows of her areolas. 

There was no way she could ever let anyone see her dressed like this. It was positively indecent. But lovely too. The negligee made her feel powerful, seductive. 

“Whoa.” The breathy sound of surprise made her spin toward the door, now open. Harrison stood there, lips parted, eyes wide. 

“H-harrison! I - I -” She covered her chest with her arms and scooted back until she bumped up against the hanging mirror.

He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. His eyes were bright and hot. “You look,” he swallowed, “terrible.” The lie was so obvious, so blatant, in opposition to his entire demeanor, that she knew what he meant by it the moment the words left his mouth. 

“So . . . you wouldn’t like me wearing something like this again? I should just take it off?” 

Harrison smiled. “Yeah.” He closed the distance between them, stopping close enough that the fabric of his pants brushed her thighs. His hands landed on her shoulders, dragging slowly down her arms, then her sides, and came to rest at her hip. 

She could feel the touch through the thin satin. His caress sent a cool, sweet shiver through her. The barrier between his hand and her skin made the almost-touch more electrifying. She pressed herself even closer, feeling bold and sexy and full of desire. “If you want it off, then take it off.”

A soft groan escaped his lips and he leaned forward to kiss her. His mouth was hot and hungry. His tongue teased her lips apart, invading with peppermint sweetness. Harrison’s hands slid further down, his fingers found the hem of the negligee and slid up beneath it. “I will,” he almost purred as he broke the kiss, “when I’m ready to.” 

Hours later, the chemise was sweat soaked and lying in a mound of shed clothing on the floor. The lace inset was torn, victim to Harry’s questing lips and teeth. “I’ll get you a new one,” he’d promised before his mouth was occupied by her nipple. 

The hem was frayed as well, victim to the friction of his pants against the more delicate cloth when he’d pulled her up onto him. Too impatient to be inside her. She hadn’t even noticed the threads pop and the fabric tear. Her attention had been . . . elsewhere. On the aching fullness as he pulled her hips down and thrust deep. On the feel of his clever fingers, playing her like an instrument of pleasure. 

It seemed Harrison liked lingerie. And so did she. He never admitted the gift was from him, but with the Lying Fox, truth didn't need to be spoken to be understood.

[man-i-love-fanfiction]

To Share the Space with Simple Living Things - Hozier x Fem!Florist!Reader

Chapter 6: Pink Camellias - Longing For You

Summary: Andy stops by on a particularly stressful day, and a different favorite customer gives you a bit of a rude awakening.

Word Count: 2442

Author's Note: Hey my lovelies! Thank you all so much for the positive feedback I've received from so many of you since the last chapter. Enjoy this chapter, this one and the next one are going to be on the shorter side to prepare for an upcoming behemoth i have planned ;)

tag list: @celery-grace @gayandfairycore @deathmybride @harry-bowie-mercury @hodgepodge-musings @blue-eyed-bug @secretttytttttttttt @dinner-n-dxatribes @wub-wub-wub-wub-wub @padfootblackswh0r3 @axel-the-boy-witch

fic under the cut <3

So far, your day was terrible, which meant it was on par with the rest of your week.

Everything you had detailed on that late night phone call to Andy a few weeks ago had only gotten worse. The date for foreclosure was slowly approaching, your debt nearly canceled out by the sheer amount of customers you were getting recently. You could only imagine it had just become an online trend to… be nice to your partner? Whatever the incentive was, it was helping out the business, but not so much your wallet.

You often brought your frustrations to Andy, and he was so supportive it made your heart ache. Even though he’d explicitly stated often that it was completely fine for you to vent to him like this, you apologized profusely every time. This is how talking to him would start, though after a few minutes they diverged to a million other topics.

This was exactly the kind of conversation you were planning on having when he visited you today. And you couldn't wait. A countdown of the seconds until he walked in was playing in your brain.

One, two, three.

You needed the break from your life that talking to Andy offered you.

_Four, five, six._

You craved the stability, how even if your life was crumbling before you, you would always be able to find him in the rubble.

Seven, eight, nine.

He wasn't your sole motivator to keep going, but he definitely helped.

Ten—

"Hey there.”

Uncharacteristically perfect timing.

You pulled your attention away from the clock on the wall to catch your first glimpse of him for the day. For the first time since you’d met him, he was wearing a hat, a black baseball cap with some logo on it you didn't recognize. His hair was tied back into a bun. Though he had his attempts at being stylish from time to time, today was not one of them, his zip-up hoodie and jeans making it evident that today was not a day where he felt like trying. Maybe he was having as crappy of a day as you were. Just in case he was, you greeted him with more enthusiasm in your voice than usual.

“Hi! How's it going?”

“Pretty alright, actually,” he started, before continuing his sentence with a question that seemed to give you a headache simply by hearing it. “How are you?”

You sighed before you spoke, grimacing just at the thought of your emotions.

“I am so stressed that talking about how stressed I am will only make me more stressed. I need a change of pace. And topic.”

He picked up what you were putting down immediately, something that had become almost like second nature to him. A good distraction.

“There was something I’ve been meaning to ask you, now that you've reminded me.”

Oh no.

The thoughts of what he could possibly have to ask you began to cloud your mind, and some of the various possibilities made your heart beat much faster than it should. When he started so say something again, there was a hint of nervousness in his voice. Unusual for you, since you’d grown so accustomed to him being more confident in your presence, but you let him speak.

“So… ehm… my birthday’s coming up in a couple of weeks. To celebrate, some of my friends and I are gonna go to the pub and I was wondering if you'd like to come along.”

To say you were relieved was an understatement. The wide smile on your face was an answer in itself, but you responded anyway.

“Andy, I’d love to.”

“Great! Grand. I’ll mark you down as saying ‘yes’.”

“There’s no way I’d say no. Wouldn't miss it for the world.”

A smile, almost the same as your own, grew on his lips.

“By the way, this will be a genuine get-together. You’ll get to meet some of my other friends, as well.”

You feigned shock.

“So it's not just me and this Alex fellow you talk about?”

“No. Contrary to popular belief, I do have more than just two friends.”

You both let out your own laughs, almost in unison with one another. To be joking around with someone you trusted and kept so close… for a moment, it helped you believe everything was alright.

“I’m excited to celebrate with everyone,” you said, sincerity returning to your tone. “Get ready for a present for the ages. For the history books, even.”

He shook his head in denial, stopping your excitement in its tracks.

“Y/N, you don't have to get me anything . I’m a grown man, I’ll live if I don't get a birthday present.”

“Well, I’m a grown woman and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't get you anything. So let me-”

The conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bell above the door ringing.

You peeked behind him at who had just walked in. You had to look down to meet her gaze, and when you realized you recognized her weathered face, you smiled.

“Violet! Great to see you! I’ll be right with you.”

Andy tilted his head at your exclamation.

“Violet?”

“Remember when I said you were tied for the title of my favorite customer with a little old lady? I wasn't joking. Meet your competitor.”

You watched as he looked over his shoulder, his head turning to be met with a small, older woman with gray hair and possibly the warmest smile you’d ever seen. Clutching onto purse with one hand like her life depended on it, she gave him a small wave.

“I think I’ll shut myself up for now. You have actual clients to get to.”

“Alright. I’ll come by your work tomorrow. Oh, and about your birthday. Just text me the time and the address and I’ll be there. With an amazing present because you can't stop me.”

A small smile, the kind that barely showed his teeth, spread across his face.

“Thank you. I will see you then.”

He waved goodbye, and you could’ve sworn you saw ink smudged on the side of his hands.

Both of you watched as he left, though with different intentions behind your gazes. You pulled your eyes away when he left, almost afraid to keep your gaze on him. Violet's eyes, however, seemed to linger, from shock more than anything else. Once he was out of both of your fields of vision, you returned to facing each other.

Violet had become part of your routine, and you slowly became part of each other's lives. Every time she came in, she talked to you about anything on her mind. Yet for the chatterbox that she was, she managed to be an enigma for you. She came in monthly, on the first day of the month, always ordering flowers as a centerpiece for when her “group of ladies” came around. You couldn't tell if she was in a book club or a coven, but neither answer would surprise you. In as sweet a tone as ever, she initiated your conversation.

“I’ve been here a thousand times, but I don't think I’ve ever seen that man before. Who was that?”

“Oh, that's Andy. He's my…”

You couldn't quite find the words to complete that sentence. Andy was your friend, obviously, but the word felt so odd, almost bitter on your tongue. You couldn't bring yourself to say it. To save yourself any pain, you tiptoed around it.

“He works at the tattoo parlor a few blocks away. He visits me sometimes.”

“He seems like such a sweet young man.”

“He is! He really is.” You nodded.

Violet, despite her years of living and likely unlimited wisdom, found nothing wrong with her next sentence.

“I don't mean to pry, but I had no idea you were dating someone! How long have you two been together?"

Your eyes widened so much you were afraid they would pop out of your skull. What in the world could have made her ask that? Why did your palms get so clammy? Had someone turned up the heat?

“Oh, no.” You shook your head. “No, no, no. Andrew and I… we aren't dating. We're just friends.”

The older woman raised a quizzical brow, as if she didn't believe you.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Violet. I’d know if I was in a relationship.”

“Then, is he sure?”

“He's sure. too. We're not dating. We're friends. Friends.”

Were you trying to convince her or yourself?

She shook her head, accompanied by a tsk, tsk, tsk.

“What is it?”

“Dear, I’ve been around for… I’m not even sure how many years. I know a look filled with love when I see it. And the way that boy looks at you is the same look I’ve seen in loves that last lifetimes. It's the same look my wife gives me every single day. One of you should do something about that look.”

Her thorough analysis left you stunned. You attempted to put the pieces together in your brain, trying to mask your confusion as you did so.

“I’d never noticed that before.”

“Youth is wasted on the young. What’s the point of eyesight if you're not going to use it?”

You chuckled at that, though you also used it as a way to ignore the truth behind the statement. Did he look at you a certain way? Were you so deep into your oblivion that you just never noticed before? Or so deep into your own infatuation, too busy staring at him through your own eyes, to pay attention to how you might look through his? With all your newfound. overthinking all you could do was reply with a small, genuine smile.

“Thank you for that. I appreciate the advice.”

Violet was capricious in her conversation, easily distracted if you could get her back on the right track. In this moment, you utilized her fickleness to steer her back on track. Or at least, get the conversation back on the track you were comfortable with.

“Do you have a bouquet request?”

She thought for a moment, giving you a slow nod before she verbalized her answer.

“Well, it is starting to be spring time, and the girls and I just finished reading a Jane Austen novel, so love is in the air. Maybe focus on pink. I’ll let you handle the rest. I’ll be back later on to pick it up."

She placed the same vase she used monthly on the counter. It bounced back and forth between you two, exchanged each time you created a new arrangement. The only thing that changed was the color of the bow on the exterior.

“Sounds like a plan. Have a lovely day.”

“You too, dear.”

One last warm smile crossed her face before she went to leave. She shuffled her way out the door, leaving you room to get started.

Violet’s lenient instructions were perfect; it gave you a guideline, but mostly the creative control was in your hands. The only thing you had to keep in mind was pink.

The first idea your mind went to was pink camellias. They were in season, and with spring on the horizon, they were perfect. And you couldn't turn down adding them in when their meaning was so poetic. Longing for you. It tugged at your heartstrings just to think about it — how people from hundreds of years ago felt the same emotions, the same deep want or need for a person, as people do today. A feeling so strong they couldn't put it in words, or didn't trust themselves to say it. So they let a flower take its place.

Pink camellias had to be the focus.

Using the vase Violet had left behind, you worked the rest of your suggestions, mixing and matching until both beauty and semantics aligned. Pink roses, perfect happiness. Magenta zinnia, lasting affection. Mix in some white carnations for sweetness and innocence to break it up, and it was finished. The ladies were sure to love it, whether they were casting a spell or reading Jane Eyre.

For the first time in a few days, you wanted to feel calm. You had been too many things going on in your life for you to focus on being present.

There was so much stress looming over you recently. You were unsure just how much longer you would have your place of work. Your family and your friends all seemingly wanted you to be more ahead in your life than you were. You had a huge, almost debilitating crush on Andy, and he probably didn't reciprocate.

Andy. He had been there for you whenever you need to talk about all that was on your mind, his kindness never wavering. Even though he was receptive to you, there was still a sense of guilt for spilling your guts to him like that. You were there for him as well, of course, though he didn't have as many complaints about his daily life as you did. All his kindness and his attention only made you like him even more, only making you more nervous and stressed about liking him. It was a downward spiral, and an exceedingly dizzying one at that.

The flower shop was the only refuge you could have. When you weren't in a state of worry over orders or foreclosure, it was the part of your day that provided you the most comfort. You had the opportunity to make these beautiful works and showcase your creativity and here you were, taking it for granted. You needed to ground yourself, to take a breather, to be in the moment.

So in your moment of desperation, you turned to your flowers for comfort.

Being so exposed to the scent of the flowers every day for years meant you got used to them over time. You slowly got accustomed until you eventually couldn't even detect the unique aroma of your workplace.

You took a pause, and leaning over the arrangement, you took a deep breath.

You had literally stopped to smell the roses.

The more shocking part was that it worked. You had successfully grounded yourself by stopping to appreciate your surroundings. Surely that had to be a metaphor for something.

You were snapped out of your tranquility. Of course you were.

You heard a voice, slightly judgmental and maybe a bit concerned, from the other side of the room.

“What was that?”

You perked up at the sound of the bell above the door, and quickly pulled yourself away from the flowers.

“Nothing! How can I help you?”

[aerialflight]

fic rec list (2025 and all the random fandoms and ships i got stuck in)

It's truly been ages since I made a list and I'm not kidding when I say I've been wildly going back and forth in old and new fandoms. Yes, it includes arcane. It was short lived and glorious and I have so many to share with you now that the fever has passed (somewhat). Anyway! Hope you enjoy! (Also, I think this is the most shippy fic rec list I've ever made, it's fucking ridiculous fnewiofpewa)

-

[Arcane] (i want it noted that i was a jayce fan since s1 and the vindication i felt at the flood of jayce/viktor fics that came in after s2 was unparalleled. so yeah, nearly all the arcane fics on this list have this ship. sue me.)

Balance (this world is a wasteland but we can still grow) by zillac

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Viktor stays in the Hexcore chrysalis a few more hours. Jayce stays busy falling into the ravine of an alternate dimension and fighting his way back to his partner so that they can invent something new together: a future. ~~~ “What am I?” Viktor asked. “What do you want to be?” Jayce was bearded and haggard and hopeful. “Yours,” Viktor said, a memory and a realization both, like it was a truth that was woven into each of his metal and organic molecules.

(i need fix it fics like i need to breathe, especially for these two. it's not too long and hit the right spot for me when it came to the hurt/comfort, and there were some fucking lines here that legit made me look it up because it was so fucking beautiful and i needed to know if the author really came up with it, goddamn it. also, when i say fix it, i mean in general, not just for the ship. and caitlyn and jayce's relationship was so nice here, i loved it!)

Recourse Pathways by begaydocrimes10001

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Jayce blinked once. He blinked again. There was the sun, and clouds, and when Jayce ran his hand over his cheeks, there was barely any stubble. (Jayce and Viktor find themselves in the past, just a few hours before a group of Undercity kids broke into Jayce's lab and sparked a chain of events that would later end the world. They get a second shot at preventing it, and, maybe, creating something better in its place.)

Part 1 of State of Matter Changes

(listen, i know that the fandom is bloated with time travel fix its by this point and i'm just as much as a sucker for them too, but i'm more in love with this series because of how much focus it puts on other characters and the chain reaction viktor and jayce's actions have beyond this first fic. truly, after part 1, the series shifts to other characters such as silco, vander, mel, and even sevika more. every fic expands and extends the series of events that occur to make zaun independent and what that actually means. it's so freaking good and the characterization and focus of each character and their perspective is excellent! even if you're not that into jayce/viktor, once you get past the initial part 1 of this series, you'll end up loving the political machinations that happen in the rest.)

Dress me in midnight, feast upon my bones by hexhomos

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

The rocket strikes through the heart. Reality collapses in less than five seconds. Jayce rebuilds Viktor, little by little, piece by piece. And if his partner comes back from the dead a little different, well... what's not to love? Jayce is a quick study. He can adjust himself into a suitable form. He pledged himself to this task a dozen years ago; he's in it for the long haul. * To put it bluntly: this is the one where Dr. Frankenstein runs away with his bride. ( Jayce follows Viktor down to the depths of Zaun, and amid the riots and war-banners, everything changes. )

(*screeEEEEAACH!!!* INSANE. TRULY AND POSITIVELY INSANE. GOD HELP ME I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH OH MY GOD FNEIOWFPEWA)(for the LOVE OF GOD the way this author fucking expands the idea of jayce being a goddamn immigrant and what that means, the author just fucking GETS him, AND VIKTOR IS A MAD SCIENTIST AND I STAND BY THIS SO FUCKING HARD HELL YEAH!! i just, god, GOD, the author got them so RIGHT. i know i'm yelling a lot, but seriously, it's so good. it's so so so good nfewofewa)(READ!!)

Forged in Fire by chicandcheesy

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Jayce Talis has lived in the Undercity since he was eight. Now, he's a blacksmith with more scars and trauma than cash. He’s tired, broke, and frankly, just trying not to lose his mind. Then Viktor—a reclusive scientist who had been expelled from the Academy—walks into his forge one day. Suddenly, Jayce's life is turned upside down. Between questionable alliances, sexual tension, and Viktor’s maddening habit of being too smart for his own good, Jayce starts to think he might actually go mad. But if anyone’s worth the trouble, it's Viktor. - (A Zaunite Jayce AU)

(i am and always shall be in love with the idea of zaunite!jayce. it just, oof, hits me in the gut. the idea of someone so optimistic as jayce being rundown and hardened by zaun makes me feral. i love how you can see how much he's changed yet stayed the same compared to canon. every fic writer has their own idea of what jayce would be like if he lived in zaun and it's fascinating every time. also, it's so funny how much viktor is the same yet the power dynamics between them have been flipped. god, i can go on, but please just read the fic, it's so good fnewiofpnewe)

Run It Back Again by Withercrown

Ships: Jayce/Viktor, Silco/Vander

Sometimes there's nothing you can do except scrap the whole experiment and start over. The worst possible outcome becomes an opportunity for a new beginning. Viktor and Jayce, estranged enemies in a brutal war, go back to the start - and then earlier than that. The key to their salvation ends up being an undercity brat named Silco. He's not quite the person they remember. (Completed. Updates frequently.)

(so while i'm not as into the league of legends lore, i do have a soft spot for the divorce era versions of jayce and viktor. and man, it makes me cackle watching jayce fumble his way into viktor's good graces lmao. and silco!! is a fucking ally cat and i love him in this fic so much!! and the fact jayce has to play nice with so many people who hates his guts fill me with glee lol. seriously, please read if you love time travel, the divorced era, and seeing jayce suffer. it's a good time XD)

Butterfly Nebulas by MalaMari

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

In a whirlwind, one can have everything, nothing, then everything again. In a single night, a near stranger stood at Jayce's side at both his darkest and brightest moments. Sometimes, the presence of a single person can change everything. Aka: Arcane, but focused on Jayce and Viktor where everyone gets more friends and (maybe) a happier ending.

(first and foremost, this fic is very much friendship based and the banter is absolutely what sold me to this fic. it's just so much fun to read?? and the relationship between caitlyn, jayce, and viktor is so heartwarming and believable in how much they care about each other. and while the plot in itself is slow, you can see how the author is building up the canon divergence brick by brick through every relationship and interaction that occurs. this fic is a slow burn both in the ship and in the plot and i appreciate the time and effort the author is spending to do it. please read this fic, i'm so excited to see where it goes!)

Of Memories and Tomorrows by Lieyantosh

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Instead of dissolving with Viktor like Jayce expected, he gets sent a decade into the past when Viktor didn’t even know him yet. Of course the logical action to take is to kidnap him. Meanwhile Viktor, twenty-two years old, figures that hey, as long as he can research magic, this isn’t too bad of a predicament. Or: Post-Season 2 Jayce and Season 1 Viktor, the grief of having lost your soulmate while having to look at his younger version who doesn’t even know you, the endless exhaustion of being a second-hand love and also science.

(this is hands down my fave fic on this list, no questions asked. just, GOD, jayce is so fucking feral and deranged and insanely in love with viktor, and viktor who doesn't know him from adam just has to Deal with that lmao. but yeah, this fic was both incredibly healing and sad and genuinely unnerving at times because, like i said, jayce is fucking unhinged here lol. i reread this 3 times and i just fell in love with this fic so hard and fast, it's ridiculous. please read, it's so freaking good fnewiofpea)

Men of Progress by Zairielon

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

On a frozen tundra, a mystical figure makes the decision to save Jayce's life. Thus begins a journey of destiny, the indomitable strength of the human soul, and love that transcends death, all bound together by the Arcane. The Mage gives Jayce and Viktor a chance to change their fate. And the two humans push back against the natural order of time. Maybe, just maybe... life is not set in stone. OR, Jayce does not lose their dream. And he will never let Viktor slip through his fingers.

(*YELLS EXCITEDLY* IT UPDATED!! hey, HEY, if you didn't know, you know now. this fic, which didn't update in 2 years, FINALLY UPDATED and finished the fic! truly and sincerely, this was one of my fave fics back when and i fucking YELLED when i saw this got completed. seriously, this is still one of the best arcane time travel stories i ever read! please read!!)

In Loco Parentis by Anonymous

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

The boy blinks a few times, shaking his head before he looks around, his eyes darting from all different parts of the ravine. Viktor instinctively takes a step back when his eyes land on him, grasping his cane even tighter. “Uh hi?” Viktor points his cane at him. “Who-Who are you?” He tries to make his voice sound strong, the way that the men that haggle for money do, but it comes out shaky. “Are you going to hit me with that?” The boy eyes the cane warily. “Maybe.” Viktor juts a chin out. “If you don’t tell me who you are.” “Oh!” The boy brightens. “I’m Jayce! Or: During the rescue with the Mage, Jayce gets transported to the Undercity and meets Viktor instead, and everything spirals from there.

(the fic that started my obsession with zaunite!jayce. i know it's incomplete. do i care? no, no i do not. i reread this obsessively for literal YEARS. also, ALSO, with the context of s2, this fic just fucking hits different now. truly, if there's a fic i want to write fics for, it's this goddamn fic, its HAUNTS me fnioewfewew)(please read, i beg of you!)

If you're gonna be the death of me [that's how I wanna go] by Caspercryptid (FaiaHae)

Ship: Ekko/Jinx

Jinx has loved Ekko over half her life, so she's not shocked when she starts coughing up flowers.

(hey! it's a wild ekko/jinx fic! but yeah, the idea that it's this couple in particular who got hanahaki made me brain spiral like a hamster in a wheel. really love how the author writes jinx and absolutely recommend it!)

the dust inside the rusted souls by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Viktor is dying. This is nothing new. He’s been dying since he was born, since he took his first acrid lungful of Fissure air, and he accepted his premature expiration long ago. Everyone has to die anyways, right? All the Fissure had done was move up the finish line. That doesn’t make it any easier. —— Or, Viktor never tries Shimmer, and his death is the slow, painful erosion that everyone said it would be.

(so fucking angsty with no happy ending, and yet one of the most beautiful fics i've read in a while. and the way the author wrote viktor was so accurate it actually hurt, goddamn. even though it doesn't end happy for viktor, i still believe this fic ended with some hope and i love that. please give this a chance, it's really good!)

scientist and scientist by milkbird

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

“If this Hextech thing doesn't work out,” Jayce drawls, slow and sweet, head still dangling awkwardly from his neck, except now he's facing Viktor. “You know what we should do?” This is a joke Viktor isn't in on. But now he's intrigued, so he draws up his good leg and rests his elbow on it, letting the quiet hum of music wash over him. “What,” he asks, “Should we do, Jayce?” Jayce is holding in a laugh. “Suicide pact.” (Public appearances are boring. Viktor steals Jayce away, and they reflect.)

(this fic screams neurodivergent and i fucking LOVE it! it's so funny and yeah! these two are mad fucking scientists! let them be weird!! it felt real in a way where i definitely have friendships like theirs where i can be weird with someone and they'll say ditto. it just has that vibe and it's so damn good!)(#Jayce is hot and sincere and also weird as hell)(this is literally one of the tags and it's what convinced me to give it a go. i have no regrets!)

destabilise by antiparticular

Ship: Jayce/Viktor

Jayce was naked and in Viktor's bed. Don't get him wrong - Viktor had dreamed of this happening, both literally and on slow days in the lab when he was feeling particularly self-indulgent, but for it to manifest outside of his overactive imagination? He was half tempted to pinch himself to check he'd actually awoken. Why was Jayce Talis in Viktor's bed? And more pressingly, why did Viktor not remember? -- We've all seen the fics where Jayce and Viktor end up in their past bodies post S2 and immediately get down and dirty about it, but what if their trip to the past wasn't as permanent as they expected?

Part 1 of destabilise

(*cackles like a madman* this was so fucking funny and i NEED people to read this. it truly never occured to me that there would be an aftermath of s2 jayce and viktor hopping around through space when there absolutely would be! of course! and it's just as funny as you think it is! if you need a good laugh, please read!)

-

[The Witcher] (i know, i'm surprised too. why brain, why.)

Songs of War by StarsAreMassive

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Life after Oxenfurt wasn't what Jaskier thought it would be. Dull and uninspired, what is a bard to do? Other than drag a half dead witcher back to his room, thus setting off a chain of events that start a war and and pave the way for a new Warlord in the North. Meanwhile, witchers all over the Continent are pushed to breaking point. Geralt wants to know who this fucking bard is who keeps singing about him. And Letho establishes a venomous hatred for lutes.

(so, i read the warlord fic and became so fascinated by the concept. i truly understand why the premise spawned hundreds of fics now, it's such a fun idea to play with. but this fic made me desperately want more in a way that consumed me. it's an origin story of why geralt became a warlord and honestly? it built up to it so well and with so much humor at first, courtesy to jaskier who goes Through It in this fic lmao. it steadily gets more serious and it made me so eager to know what happens next. please give it a read, it's so well written and is such a believable origin story for the warlord idea.)

Standing in Time with You by Sapphire09

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Cornflower eyes opened to the sight of a dark wooden ceiling full of holes. He noted the holes absently, a familiar sight he equated to his life while still on the road, wondering where he is. The last he remembered was the tall ceiling of his Oxenfurt chamber. He also remembered the pain. Weird, how the afterlife looks like the room of an inn. ------ Jaskier remembers being dead. That doesn't explain why he wakes up looking like he was fresh from the Oxenfurt graduating class instead of the handsome, distinguished professor he actually is. Nothing is making much sense, honestly. He just hopes he's not just going completely crazy first before figuring anything about what the fuck happened, or is happening.

(time travel! it's unfinished but god! it's so good!! this fic both made me laugh so hard and had me feeling so bad for jaskier lmao. god i hope this fic gets updated one day, but even if not, i hope this fic inspires others to write more time travel fics in the witcher fandom. the possibilities are endless!! absolutely recommend!)

Roll for Initiative by Draco_sollicitus

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

En route to game night, a beautiful, mysterious woman falls on Julian Pankratz out of nowhere. She mistakes him for a real bard and then starts talking nonsense about "portals," as if they haven't been outlawed on the Continent for half a millennium. She gifts him magical dice, urging him to "save the White Wolf." Julian, playing Dungeons and Dragons as the fabulous bard Jaskier, rolls a Nat 20 while trying to gain an ally in the murderous Butcher of Blaviken - and is instantly transported to a very strange world similar to the Redania of centuries past. There, he meets the real Butcher, a stoic and sarcastic Witcher named Geralt. Julian also quickly discovers that in this world, he has something that other bards don't: Jaskier the bard really does have magic, and quite a bit of it too - something that both interests and worries Geralt. The Witcher and the bard's quest for answers brings adventure, surprises, heartache, magic, healing -- and maybe a little bit of true love.

(*points vehemently* i've been saying for years that i've wanted to read a witcher fic that involves d&d and it's here! i somehow missed it and it's here!! genuinely had so much fun reading this, jaskier having the same abilities as a d&d bard had me grinning so hard. the possibilities!! also, it's reader interactive! the comment section of the fic was just as much fun to read as the fic, i truly could not predict how the plot would go because depending on the roll of a d20, the plot can go anywhere. love this idea and how well the author executed it! seriously, please give this fic a go! it's a fun time, i promise XD)

The Wanderer's Choice by Little_vesuvius

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Julian has never been normal. He has a talent, a gift that is both debilitating and powerful. He has always heard the songs of everyone, everywhere, he goes. His mind is never quiet. The longer he stays in a place the louder the songs get. With every passing year in a city, he grows sicker, and no healer can help him against the crushing noise of the songs of every living being in Oxenfurt. So when he has the opportunity to travel, he does so as Jaskier the Bard. In Posada, Jaskier finds an angry, silent man brooding in a corner, with a loud enough song to drown out the world's crush of noise. Curious, he follows the man, only to discover he is the infamous Butcher of Blaviken - but a man with such a sad, lonely song surely isn't a monster. Geralt just wants to know why this fool of a bard is following him on hunts and won't leave him alone, even knowing his reputation. It's not like anyone really wants to be around him. The bard will get sick of the novelty soon, surely. Or his temper. Filavandrel just wants his people to be left in peace. Finding an old elvish legend in the form of a human bard is the last thing he expects when he captures a witcher.

Part 1 of Heartsong AU

(i've always loved the jaskier is not human trope, and this fic was so creative?? it has a part 2 too and i'm just really fascinated by how the author explored this power jaskier has in this fic. it's really interesting and i definitely recommend!)

-

[Star Trek] (another unexpected fandom i haven't looked at in a long time. see a pattern? also, mckirk won me over HARD.)

Hotspur by kurgaya

Ship: Jim Kirk/Leonard McCoy

try. verb. 1. to attempt to do or accomplish; 2. to subject to strain, as of endurance, patience, or tax; 3. to determine the truth of (a quarrel or question) by test or battle [Academy Era]. "God forbid you're a Shakespearean wife then," Bones grumbles, and Jim laughs.

(finished this recently and i swear, i felt ALL the emotions, holy shit. this fic is made to break and fix your heart. jim has a service dog due to Tarsus Trauma and it's accurately depicted with respect and empathy. and Bones is depressed, which i do feel like i need to tag as a warning (please read the fic's tags), it got very Real at times. but man, it explores his depression in ways that hit me right in the chest. definitely brought up things i haven't thought about it a long while. but the healing process absolutely made this worth reading, i definitely cried at some parts. also, as an added bonus, it has a fake marriage trope embedded in the premise that brings a lot of hilarity and warmth to it in very interesting ways! please read, it's such a unique, very funny at times, and undeniably compassionate fic that explores trauma and recovery beautifully, with all the ugliness that comes with it.)

AsQ by laughter_now

Ship: Jim Kirk/Leonard McCoy

It started out as an ordinary day. So ordinary in fact that it took Jim until late in the afternoon to realize that something was horribly wrong. It was unusual that Bones wasn't in Sickbay during a busy shift, but it wasn't unheard of. What was wrong, absolutely and terrifyingly wrong, was that Bones wasn't even on board. In fact, nobody aboard the Enterprise has ever heard of a Leonard McCoy. There is no record of anyone by that name ever serving in Starfleet. In fact, there is no record of him at all. And that is so wrong that Jim can't even find any words for it.

(is it weird if i say that this is the most enraging and heartbreaking fic i've read for jim kirk? not even tarsus made me this pissed off. jim goes through so so much?? yet the catharsis somehow makes it worth it and i don't have any regrets reading this. not gonna lie, this was hard to read at first, but i literally couldn't stop reading due to the twists and turns this rollercoaster of a fic took me on. seriously, if you want a fic that has mystery, tension, and has you yelling out in triumph, this is absolutely for you.)

Quell the Cosmic Tides by SpocksBrainWorms

Ship: Jim Kirk/Spock

Enterprise is safe to fly another day. All thanks to Captain James T. Kirk's sacrifice. He's made peace with his death, even though it breaks his heart one final time to see the hurt in Spock's eyes. Still, the last thing he gets to see is the face of one of his dearest friends... until his eyes snap back open. Not in a hospital. In a shuttle as it lands at the Academy. “Once you exit the shuttle you are free to return to your dorms. Those of you who are new, you’ll follow me to registration and physicals,” a vaguely familiar-looking officer says, and Jim’s heart stops in his chest. Surprising, considering it shouldn’t be beating at all.

(god, GOD, i'm so so in love with this fic, it's ridiculous! THE time travel fic of this fandom other than lullabyknell's. sincerely, if you haven't read this fic yet, for the love of god, PLEASE do, it's fantastic!!)

When the world comes in by bluejbird

Ship: Jim Kirk/Leonard McCoy

Everyone is blessed with a gift, but Jim's isn't as exciting or useful as the rest of his family. His gift is dreaming of his soulmate. As hard as it is to watch his soulmate live without him, the dreams provide comfort during times when Jim would otherwise give up. Or, the one where Jim spends his life dreaming of Bones.

Part 7 of Interconnected

(honestly? you can read any of the other fics in this series, they're all soulmate fics but in different ways and they're all very very good! this just happens to be my favorite in the series XD.)

Not in Our Stars by emluv

Written for a prompt requesting a fic in which brilliant young medical student Leonard McCoy volunteers for a Doctors Without Borders-type organization and ends up helping with the rescue efforts on Tarsus IV, where he meets a teenage, traumatized Jim Kirk, who will, for whatever reason, allow only McCoy to treat him. I have played fast and loose with TOS information about Tarsus IV and its location, making it closer to Earth so that McCoy could feasibly make it there and back in one summer. Title taken from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Act I, scene ii: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in our selves...”

(a gen fic? on this shippy fic rec list? more likely than you think. but yeah, young mccoy hit me where it hurts and i could just see the more grumpy, cantankerous man he'll become. and yet he's still so endlessly compassionate no matter the age. something that this jim definitely needs. the slow building trust between the two and the sheer competency mccoy shows here made me fall in love with this fic. truly, i should've gotten more into the star trek fandom, there's so many fics out there to be read!)

exclamation (not an explanation) by TheWriter2

Ship: Jim Kirk/Spock

"Just before he makes it to the door, Spock realizes that if he is about to throw Vulcan propriety to the wind and embrace his humanity, then he had better do it properly." Having rejected his admission to the VSA, Spock finds himself with very few options. Still angry at his father and Vulcan, Spock decides to join Starfleet and honor his human heritage. There’s only one problem— the Vulcan High Council has banned Vulcans from joining Starfleet, claiming that the organization is abhorrently militaristic. So Spock decides to defy the odds and find a way to enlist. But the road to a starship is full of many pitfalls, and at every turn Spock risks someone realizing his Vulcan heritage and facing a court martial. To Spock, though, it’s all worth it; especially after he meets a bright young cadet who can take Spock to the stars with only a glance.

(this was the cutest fucking fic i've ever read omg!! spock is so! awkward and adorable and i just want to hug him so bad fnewofepwaf. the idea of spock having to pretend to be human mulan au style is fucking inspired, it's so funny and cute! seriously, if you just want a fic that fires endorphins in your brain, this is absolutely for you!!)

-

[Crossovers]

Whatever Can Die is Beautiful by UrieNanashi

Fandoms: The Witcher, Elden Ring

Ship: Geralt/Jaskier

Jaskier is finally free. After so long trapped in a form not his own he had begun to doubt which was his true self. But here he is, unshackled. The betrayals, violence, abandonment- the destruction his family wrought upon themselves and others, all of it left far behind. Jaskier is determined to enjoy this second chance. To bask in the beauty of life and ignore what horrors linger. Then he meets Geralt and things become complicated. ......................................................... “They don’t exist.” ��Pardon?” The bard’s brown hair flops as he tilts his head. Geralt bravely doesn’t sigh again. “The monsters in your songs. They don’t exist.” For some reason that gets him a grin, “How do you know?” Geralt stares at him. “I’m a Witcher.” The bard laughs, “So just because you’ve never seen them that means they don’t exist?” “Yes.” Geralt says flatly. “Agree to disagree.” The man says flippantly, “But I would love to hear more about the monsters you’ve fought.” “No.” Geralt takes a drink desperately and finds he is almost at the bottom of his tankard. He contemplates whether it’s worth the coin for another. Probably not.

(truly, you don't really need to know anything about elden ring before reading the fic. i went into it without knowing anything and the fic still resonated with me. this fic feels episodic, with a monster of the week and both characters slowly getting to know each other through their adventures. i love jaskier and how he's depicted here, with all his secrets that he's trying to run from. the ambiance of the fic really seeps into you and pulls you into the story. absolutely recommend and you go into this blind without knowing anything, trust me.)

The Case of Leonard McCoy by AceOfSpades

Fandoms: Doom (2005), Star Trek

Ship: Jim Kirk/Leonard McCoy

The first thing Jim noticed about McCoy, and what started him on this whole messy path, was that McCoy was just a little…off.

Part 1 of Investigations

(listen, LISTEN, even if you've never seen Doom, it's legit one of the most suspenseful, cat and mouse mystery fics i've read in ages. seriously, it's so much fun to read, especially when both characters are so intelligent and every move makes sense and creeping ever closer to the truth. even though bones is also a different character, he's still definitely bones, just multilayered. like an onion! and jim is so persistent and perfectly kirk here, no wonder bones fell for him haha! absolutely recommend even if you've never watched doom, though it definitely helps in understanding what's going on on bones' side and adds to reader enjoyment. please read!)

[bennysmiller]

Could I request one where Benny and reader are watching a movie on the couch and reader falls asleep during it. Then, Benny sweetly picks her up and carries her to their bed?

Dreaming of You - Benny Miller x Reader

Thank you for your request, I hope this is okay x

“So turns out, babe, he was the killer all along. Now they have to-“

“Benjamin. I love you. Really, I do,” you started, and placed a hand on his cheek. “But I’ve watched exactly the same film you have. I know what’s going on.”

You always try your very best to make it look as though you’re pissed at him, but you have to be honest with yourself. It doesn’t ever work. There is so much about him that melts you, and so he simply makes it impossible for you.

You hold back a smile by biting your lip and your boyfriend chuckles in response, followed by a cheeky yes, ma’am. There was never any point in trying to hide your smile when he called you that, so instead, you giggled and snuggled back into his side. As you turned your focus back on the film, your eyes slowly started to become heavy with sleep.

It had been a long day. Work had been nothing but stress and rude customers. You found yourself drifting in and out of sleep as Benny’s eyes were trained on the action that was lighting up the TV screen. The gentle rise and fall of his chest underneath your head, along with his hand stroking your back, had started to soothe and guide you to your rest.

Benny knew you’d fallen asleep when he tried to tell you his arm had also fallen asleep. You’d changed positions on the sofa and Benny had fallen victim to your exhaustion. He kept saying your name, only to be met with soft snores, which he thought were cute. But he didn’t want to leave you there with the TV on, so he turned the film off, and moved as gently as he could from under you.

He stood, stretched, and went to pick you up, not before admiring the way you looked. So full of peace and softness and beauty. Benny eventually snapped himself back into reality and carried you through to your shared bedroom. He gently put you down beneath the covers and got in next to you.

Even so deep into a much-needed sleep, you felt him there and pulled yourself up to him, before placing your head on his chest. Benny smiled to himself as you did, and spent the night with you in the world of warm dreams you two had created beneath the sheets.

[kkoga]

3. Explain ┈─★ WC : 499

Masterlist ! next !

Daniela groans. Good god, her head was killing her. The Latina slowly opens her eyes, and notices the ceiling looks unfamiliar. Maybe her headache was just getting to her. The Latina closes her eyes and tries to head back to sleep.

Her position was killing her back, so the girl rolled over to her right. She ''hugs'' a pillow. ''God damn this pillow is warm... wait...'' After realizing what she was hugging was in fact probably not a pillow, Daniela's eyes widen, and she sits straight almost immediately.

She looks to her right, and recognizes the person next to her. Y/n fucking L/n??

''Someone wake me up right now. There is no fucking way I just woke up next to Y/n. And am I... naked???'' Daniela was appalled. How the hell did she even end up in this situation?

Thanks to all the movement Daniela had been doing, Y/n slowly shifts from her position, and rubs her eyes.

''Daniela? You awake?'' The girl groggily said, sitting up. Daniela quickly covered her chest with the blanket.

''What happened, and why the hell am I basically naked and next to you? Explain.'' Daniela put her guard up, and Y/n tries to grab her glasses from the bedside table.

''You don't remember?'' Y/n, half awake, not aware that answering right away might have been more beneficial, is met with a rude stare.

''Oh... okay. You uhm, were getting harassed by some guy, and I helped you, and you told me to take you home. I told you I was going to get your members, but you begged me to take you to my home. You told me you didn't want any more people to see you vulnerable.'' Y/n says as she slicks her hair back, still somewhat sleepy.

''That does sound like me....'' The Latina thought to herself.

''Serious?''

''Serious.''

Daniela's cheeks turn pink in embarrassment. She barely even lets her members see her vulnerable, much more someone she's only met a handful of times.

''Uhm... did we do anything last night?'' Daniela bites her lip. She prays her drunk self didn't dare to.

''What? Of course not. You're only half naked because you insisted it's how you prefer sleeping. I would never take advantage of anyone like that.'' Daniela could tell Y/n felt offended that the Latina had thought of her that way.

''Okay.. where are my clothes then? I would like to leave now.'' Y/n points to a small couch in the corner of her bedroom. Daniela shyly takes Y/n's blanket and takes her clothes off of Y/n's couch.

''I'll leave so you can get changed.'' Y/n says as she stands up, and swiftly leaves the room.

After a few minutes, Daniela exits Y/n's bedroom, looking nice and ready.

''I uhm, booked a cab. I'll go now. Thank you for uh, taking care of me.'' Daniela leaves before Y/n could ever mutter the words ''You're welcome.''

Taglist 13/30 : @itzkatflixs @yjiminswallet @hydrardz @wtfisthisnoclueman @yeetaberry127 @gtfoiydlyj @kristalag @haerinkisser @sunshinez4 @xochitlisbest @sirenontheloose @arihiu @harajuku @fruityg0rl

[crossdreamers]

Escaping from the US to Europe. A Transgender Man's Story.

James S tells the story about his journey from Alaska to California and then to the Netherlands in search of a safe place to live. He reflects on the way transphobia and anti-trans policies affect transgender Americans.

By James S.

In Summer of 2024, I decided to move back to the Bay Area. Before that, I’d been living in my hometown of Kodiak for the previous two years, living pretty comfortably in my first one bedroom apartment.

I worked as a special ed aide at the same school I had attended for kindergarten and first grade, and I had a pretty decent support network considering the remoteness of a little town on an island in Alaska.

There had of course been some struggles, because I’m a trans man and for quite a few years now trans people and our lives have been a hot button issue to say the least.

Kodiak religious transphobia

I had been on a committee of educators and medical professionals to review and help update the school district’s health curriculum since 2022, because the whole process had been started, stopped, and slowed as community members and some committee members complained about anything that so much as resembled an acknowledgement of trans people’s existence in the presence of children (an incredibly surreal and painful thing to witness over and over again as a trans person who made my living helping my community raise and care for their children).

Early on, a petition from a local new apostolic reformation church to stop the ‘indoctrination’ of children was passed around in many local venues over the health curriculum committee meetings, which along with direct complaints to the superintendent, caused the review process to be shelved for almost a year.

An ‘incident report’ was even posted on the Parents Defending Education’s IndoctriNation Map (in the tradition of maps targeting abortion providers, often for terroristic threats) over the committee's first meeting, where I brought up the importance of gender neutral, medically accurate language when discussing anatomy.

After the process of making decisions and then attending every school board meeting to hear and provide my own public comment, I began to feel anxious.

I watched the church’s services out of morbid curiosity and observed the pastor’s sermons grow increasingly hateful and arguably quite violent. He repeated at every opportunity that trans people were not real and alarmingly, aggressively (but very much in line with the new apostolic reformation) pushing the idea of ‘taking Kodiak for Jesus’.

Moving to San Francisco, but is California safe?

All of this, along with what I saw when I read the Project 2025 Mandate For Leadership led me to decide that maybe I should move somewhere more welcoming for a trans person.

I found an elementary special education aide position in San Francisco and a room to rent in Emeryville and was on my way.

In the back of my mind I held on to the understanding that this might not last. I remember having arguments with friends who insisted that California would be just fine despite the very clear intention laid out by Project 2025 to overhaul everything on a federal level.

Part of me had believed that California would somehow be safe as well though, which was the whole reason I’d moved. I knew that given everything that was probably untrue. But I felt desperate. 

Trump & Co wants to ban "transgender ideology"

In the Mandate For Leadership document (which is now being put into action largely by way of executive orders), says  “Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology” (read: media or information about trans people, likely including trans influencers and people publicly talking about their experiences) “has no claim to First Amendment protection” and claims that “it’s purveyors are child predators and misogynistic exploiters of women”.

This idea of misogyny and harm to women especially is heavily reflected in the title and text of the first executive order to be signed by Donald Trump during this term.

The conflation of transgender people with pornography and child exploitation is alarming, because it would mean that anyone who talks about trans people around children could be classified as a sex offender.

I personally worry that this could extend to simply existing as an openly trans person around children, which is the biggest reason I decided to leave. I fear that this will be part of another executive order eventually, and that having just done my job would make me a criminal.

The 2024 election

When Kamala Harris ran for president, I let myself feel a little bit hopeful that maybe I would be okay and able to settle down safely and permanently in California. I got comfortable for that small window of time, and then it was election day.

I went to a friend’s apartment and we watched some shows together to keep our attention off of the results, but of course we gave in and occasionally checked our phones, nervously watching the numbers move in a very foreboding direction. I told myself that the full count would probably be done in a matter of days rather than overnight, and did my best to relax and enjoy myself. 

Things didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped. Now it was time to decide what to do.

Going to Europe

My initial plan was to try to go to Norway and go to college and maybe get a foothold there, because I’d heard long ago that Norwegian colleges didn’t charge tuition for foreign students. They do now, and there was no way that I was going to be able to raise tens of thousands of dollars by January.

I discussed with coworkers what to do and where to go, because I was not the only trans person working at the school who wanted to get out of the country. 

Eventually, a friend sent me a tumblr post about the Dutch American Friendship Treaty visa. It ended up being pretty inaccurate and I really wonder whether the person who wrote it actually got that visa, but it led me to look further into it and find factual information.

I already had been taking art commissions for both commercial and private clients since I’d graduated high school, so all I had to do now was save money and get ready to really commit to what had once been a side hustle.

 I started crowdfunding to raise money for my required business deposit of 4,500€, and before I knew it it was January 18th and I was on my first ever flight off of the continent.

In the days leading up to my departure I had started to seriously doubt my decision, had stayed up for days at a time panicking and shaking, said very tearful goodbyes to friends, and even considered canceling everything, refunding all of the money and staying put. 

That sense of having made the wrong decision turned abruptly on its heel the day after my arrival when Trump signed an executive order titled “DEFENDING WOMEN FROM GENDER IDEOLOGY EXTREMISM AND RESTORING BIOLOGICAL TRUTH TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT”.

This order aimed to enshrine in federal law the idea that there are only two genders (assigned, according to the order, ‘at conception’ which if you know anything about fetal development is nonsense on its face), make it impossible to get an X as a gender marker on passports and other documents, and that such documents could only use an M or F marker reflecting what a person was assigned at birth. 

Passport worries

I became very anxious about the status of my own passport, which says Male. I legally changed my name and gender markers all the way back in 2013. If I was sent home would I be detained? How much harder would it be now for other trans people to leave the US? Would my passport be taken away? Everything was now terrifying and uncertain.

Since then I have learned that, supposedly, I would only have an issue if I tried to renew my passport. Unfortunately I will have to renew mine during this administration, and I really don’t know what will happen. In all likelihood, I will have to have an F on it until I can get Dutch citizenship and a new passport. 

I have heard of at least one trans person being denied a new passport at all, although negative attention and a lawyer were enough to move her passport office to give her one. It seems like the processes of renewing and getting new identification documents as a trans person is now very up in the air and ambiguous.

Living in the Netherlands

Now that I am in the Netherlands, I’ve made many friends who are also here on the DAFT visa as well as folks who were born and raised here.

It is a very small, accessible country with wonderful public transportation and it would be very easy to create a support network of trans and queer people looking for safety.

Right now the main obstacles are money and the requirement that you have your own business, as well as an inability to receive any government assistance on the DAFT visa, which have kept my closest friends from being able to escape with me.

I hope that soon they will have a clear road to safety and the ability to imagine a happy, secure future that they deserve, and that the current president is violently ripping away from them. 

This is our first follow up article to "Let us make Europe a safe haven for American transgender refugees."

Illustration photo of passport: goodmoments