#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice�� like oh my god

[ellevandersneed]

I think even when you could charitably say that this person isn't themselves intentionally writing from a transmisogynistic perspective, there is still a level of presumption that the idea "trans women are men who are pretending" is a generally agreed upon social perspective that they can pull from consciously or subconsciously. It's the idea that you've already mentioned, where this "generally agreed upon social perspective" 'must' have some level of truth for this person (or why else would they feel less insulted if they were seen as a trans woman instead of a cis woman?) I think what makes it worse is that it's transmisogyny as neutral or even positive identity reinforcement. Someone else sees this person as transfem and it isn't a challenge to their identity "as a trans masc" because to be the transmisogynistic caricature is to succeed on some level. To be identified as such acts as reinforcement. The "base" (coercively assigned gender) and "superstructure" (self assigned gender) have been flipped in regards to what is being challenged by this transmasc person being "seen/referred to as a trans woman" and thus acts as a psychological reinforcement of the "superstructure," but to approach trans identity and trans experience from a "base" and "superstructure" perspective without understanding that the "base/superstructure" conceptualization of trans identity is itself deeply flawed and cannot be quantified (qualified?) biologically (or via ocular patdown) is to play right into the hands of transphobia as a whole, and it admits to a worldview that approaches trans identity from a transphobic perspective. "You'll finally be allowed to be seen as a woman once you push past x y z personal barriers, when no one can tell you're a man...!"

To then feel some subconscious level of relief from the presumption that you (this trans masc person) is transfem is to then co-opt transmisogyny and apply it to oneself in a way that no trans woman will be able to comfortably experience. I've thought for myself that I can shrug off a certain level of transphobic abuse (I wish there was none!) during various attempts at presenting more feminine when I was younger because it felt that I was at least being seen as trans instead of the thing I had been seen as before, a gay cis man. It was as if I were being met halfway towards what I wanted, but really what happens is that you become capital T TRANS with the tiny word "woman" next to it in the eyes of these people, and eventually you slide back to just being "a queer man," or a womanish man, as you put it. I think this will eventually catch up with this person, in some shape or another, but they are still, in an ultimately self defeating but still fairly contemptible way, profiting off of transmisogyny. They will not experience what a transfem experiences by being "identified as a trans woman" because there is no fear of being forcefully backslid (either overtime, instantaneously, or there is no backsliding and the assumption is automatic) into that "immutably male body/mind/soul" perception by others, and the particular abuses that arise from that. By feeling comfortable enough to openly say that being called a transwoman is less of an insult than being called a cis woman, they intentionally and willingly perpetuate transmisogyny for the sake of reinforcing their own identity. The *act* of saying what they are saying is the actualization of this transmisogyny. It is the admission of comfortability towards something that could mean violence for a trans woman. I think the "I cannot quite articulate why without sounding stupid" is an attempt at deflection from genuine introspection because, let's be honest, what other conclusion could you come to besides "this was a transmisogynistic thing to admit," but I think you already covered that.

99% of the time when a transmasc says this its because they dont view trans women as real women. they see us as womanish men, we're "genderfuck" because we put an artifical feminine affect on top of our, in their eyes, immutably male bodies. their attitudes toward us are identical to transmisogynistic caricatures, they just think that the caricature is "goals."

theyre literally just saying "i wish i was seen as biologically male, like trans women"

no wonder they can't elaborate why without sounding stupid.

[softieyuume]

Gentle Touch

✿ Sylus x fem!reader

✿ He got hurt protecting you. You return the favor by tending to his wounds.

✿ slight!angst/comfort. fluff. pre-established relationship.

────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ──────

The soft touch of your hands on his skin sent a shiver down Sylus's spine, a stark contrast to the searing pain that had been consuming him just moments ago. He watched you through half-lidded eyes, admiring the way your hair fell across your face as you concentrated on your task of tending to his injuries.

*She's always been beautiful.* He mused silently, *But seeing her like this... it's different.*

Gone was the cold hostility that had once defined their interactions, replaced by a gentleness that made Sylus's heart ache in a way he never thought possible. He reached out with his uninjured hand, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

"You know," He murmured, his voice low and rough, "I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be touching me with such care."

You glanced up at him, your tired yet gentle eyes meeting his amused ones. A faint blush colored your cheeks, but you didn't look away.

"Don't read too much into it," You retorted, but there was no bite to your words. "I'm just doing what needs to be done."

Sylus chuckled, wincing slightly as the movement pulled at his wounds. "Is that so? And here I thought you'd finally realized how much you need me."

He knew he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't help himself. There was something about the way you looked at him now, something that made him want to test the boundaries of this newfound closeness.

You rolled your eyes, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. "Don't push it, Sylus. You're in no position to be cocky."

"And yet," He drawled, leaning in closer with his hands resting on your sides on the bathroom sink where you sat, "You're still here, aren't you? Tending to my wounds like a dutiful nurse."

You huffed, but you didn't pull away. Instead, you continued your ministrations, your touch lingering just a bit longer than necessary.

Sylus let his eyes drift shut, savoring the moment. He knew it wouldn't last forever, that sooner or later they'd return to their roles as adversaries. But for now, he was content to bask in the warmth of your care, to let himself believe, even if just for a little while, that maybe, just maybe, there could be something more between both of you.

"You're too reckless, Sylus," You frowned in frustration, unable to stop yourself from putting a bit of pressure on his wounded arm. "If you hadn't been so determined to protect me, you wouldn't be in this mess."

Sylus winced as your fingers probed a particularly deep gash, the sting of the disinfectant making his breath hitch. He knew he deserved your scolding, knew that he'd been reckless in the heat of the moment. But hearing your voice laced with frustrated concern, with a hint of something deeper, made his chest tighten in a way he wasn't used to.

"I didn't get hurt because of you," He muttered, his gaze flicking up to meet yours. "I got hurt because I was trying to protect you, kitten."

Your eyes narrowed, your brow furrowing in annoyance. "Protect me? By charging headfirst into an ambush without a plan? That's not protecting me, that's being a damn fool."

Sylus opened his mouth to retort, but the words died on his tongue as your hands stilled on his chest, right near his heart. You were looking at him with an intensity that made his heart race, your eyes searching his red ones as if trying to find the answers to questions you haven't yet asked.

"You can't keep doing this," You whispered, your voice barely audible over the hum of the fluorescent lights. "You can't keep putting yourself in harm's way for me. I'm not worth it."

Sylus felt a surge of anger at your words, at the self-loathing that seemed to radiate off of you in waves. He reached up, cupping your face in his hands, forcing you to meet his gaze.

"Don't say that," He growled, his voice low and fierce. "You're worth everything to me, sweetie. Everything. And if that means taking a few bullets to keep you safe, then so be it."

Your eyes widened, your lips parting in surprise. For a moment, Sylus thought you might push him away, might tell him to go to hell. But instead, you leaned into his touch, your eyes fluttering closed as you let out a shaky breath.

"You're an idiot," You mumbled, but there was no heat behind your words.

Sylus smiled, his thumb brushing over the soft skin of your cheek and it took a tremendous amount of willpower to stop himself from taking you right then and there.

He didn't want to risk ruining what chance he could have with you, just having you near him brought him solace he desperately needed.

"Yeah," He agreed, his voice softening, resting his forehead against yours as he left out a shaky exhale. "But I'm your idiot."

And for now, that was enough.

[brooklyncircus]

"Until you..." part. 8.

Hiromi Higuruma x reader.

Until you came into his life, Hiromi Higuruma had occasionally considered making a change within himself—mentally, emotionally, and physically—but he had never taken the idea with the seriousness it truly required.

Until you came along.

And now, here he was, tossing and turning in his bed, the blankets strewn about at his feet and tangled between his legs. Low grumbles and muttered curses escaped him as he rubbed his hands over his face, almost violently, and made a faint, barely perceptible pout.

“I just want to sleep. God, please help me sleep…” he whispered under his breath, attempting once more to close his eyes, only to open them twenty-eight seconds later.

He stared up at the ceiling, once again thinking about how, indeed, your presence had changed so much in him. So much so that he was making a mental list of the things he considered wrong in his life and that he might change.

But part of him thought this whole situation was rather ridiculous and amusing. Who would have thought he’d be planning to alter his routine, his habits, his surroundings, even himself... just because he’d met you?

But it wasn’t a joke, not in the slightest. In fact, he took it as a sign that he should do it. It wasn’t that he thought of you as “ridiculous and amusing.” No.

No.

Not at all. That would be the last thing he’d think. He felt that way about himself—about how he was feeling now and how he wanted to change because of your presence.

Reflecting on it more deeply, something he was reluctant to do out of fear—fear, obviously, of discovering the truth—he realised it was entirely because of you. Thanks to you. Because of you.

For you.

Hiromi had come to realise he had good qualities, clear values, and “positive” things. But putting it all on a scale… What weighed more? His good or bad traits? His good or bad habits? Was he worth it? Could he be “someone important”... to someone?

Could he… be the right man for someone?

For you?

He swallowed and turned over in bed, his charcoal-coloured hair becoming even more dishevelled. He found himself curling up into a small ball, feeling more vulnerable than ever. And, at that moment, two tears escaped his eyes.

“What should I do, God? What do you want me to do?” he thought, his hands covering his eyes, ashamed at the idea of crying again.

And the answer appeared in his mind, clear as the first glimmer of dawn, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel, like a choir of angels in the midst of an infernal storm…

Don’t be afraid. Make the changes you deem necessary. Do it for yourself.

And it was at that moment he opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling—frightened, yet euphoric at the same time. His heart felt as if it were about to leap from his chest. He sat up in bed and then let his legs dangle over the side.

He stood, and with slow but steady steps, turned on the light in the small living room. Rummaging through the papers, he found a small notepad and a pen. “Damn, this is real,” he muttered aloud to himself.

Almost running in his nervousness, he went to the table and sat at the edge. With trembling hands, he wrote:

“Things I want to change about myself.”

And he felt that his world, in that very moment, had indeed changed. He had taken the first step. Thanks to you. Thanks to your existence. He found himself writing item after item, planning everything, and his trembling gradually subsided.

Another list. “Things I want to change about my flat.”

Yet another. “Things I want to change about my office.”

“Things I want to learn.”

“Things I want to do.”

“Things I want to improve in.”

And from the early hours of dawn, where the stars adorned the beautiful night sky, to when the first rays of sunlight began to seep through the windows, Hiromi Higuruma was planning, researching, and making changes.

When he finished, he decided it was finally time to prepare to go to work. And he did so lightly, feeling more at ease with himself. Happy, expectant, with a faint smile.

And until you came into his life, Hiromi Higuruma had occasionally considered making a change within himself—mentally, emotionally, and physically—but he had never taken the idea with the seriousness it truly required.

Until you came along.

[sector1atiny]

𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

< jeong yunho x fem! reader >

warnings: bondage, marking, edging, vibrators, choking, oral, degradation, praise, multiple positions

after a somewhat bad breakup with yunho, you thought he would be able to handle it like an adult. however, this is the same man who doesn’t like being told he can’t have what’s his. the man who knows where you work and sleep…

You sat at your desk, finishing up some paperwork before you wanted to finally take a break to eat lunch. You worked as a manager for a sports team, and they were spending money faster than they were able to make it. Lucky, you knew how to shift things around so there was a little extra money left over. “Jesus, these men. Who spends $800 on one night out?!” You ask yourself, putting the folder into your desk drawer. A knock on your door stopped you from pulling out your lunch. “Come in.” You call out, and the front desk secretary pushed open your office door.

“Hey, Y/N. You have a guest. Is now a good time?” She asked, and you heard the familiar voice before you saw him. “Oh, it’s always a good time. Isn’t it, Y/N?” Yunho came into view, giving a fake sweet smile as he towered over the poor secretary. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose before nodding. “It’s fine, he can come in. Please clear my schedule for an hour and a half, I’m gonna wrap things up with him and take my lunch.” You tell the secretary, who nodded and disappeared out of the room.

You pulled your food out, some Thai food you got delivered earlier in the day but didn’t have the chance to eat. You open the container and stab at the food with your fork. “You have five minutes. What do you want, Yunho?” You ask, pushing the food into your mouth. He shut the door behind him and sat across from you. “You know what I want. I want you. Why haven’t you been returning my calls?” He crossed his legs, and you shrug.

“I blocked you. And your three other phone numbers you called from. Stop harassing Hongjoong and Wooyoung for their phones.” You tell him, and he laughs. “You can’t block a *67 number, my love.” He reminds you, and you roll your eyes. “Thanks for reminding me to have my number changed.” You say, taking another bite of your food. You tried to hide the fact that he made your nerves stand on their ends. Why would he show up to your job? In the middle of the day at that.

“Y/N, why are you doing this? You know you miss me. Let’s just go back to the way we were before.” He leans forward, and you roll your chair back, holding your food in your lap. “Move. We aren’t getting back together.” You say, and he stood up. You put your food down and stood as well, not knowing what he was going to do.

He would never hurt you physically in any way. He didn’t believe in it, you knew that. However, you also didn’t feel comfortable with him standing over you while you sat. It didn’t feel safe. “And why not?” His attitude shifted from playful to irritated in a split second. “Was I not good to you?” He came around the desk, and every step he took toward you, you backed away.

“You’re controlling, Yunho. We both know it, stop acting clueless. You’re smarter than that.” You say, your hand reaching behind you to get a feel of where you were. You felt the hard wall behind you, and before you could slide to the side to get away, his hand landed on the side of your head, caging you in. “Y/N, you have my heart. I need you and you need me. Let’s be us again, my love.” He pleaded, leaning down and placing a kiss on the side of your head, against your temple.

“Please move.” You shiver, his touch still having the same effect it did when you were together. He stayed in his spot, his eyes trained on yours. It’s almost like he felt your determination waiver, and the more it did, the more his smile grew. He placed a soft kiss against your lips, and you hated how you wanted more. He pulled away slightly, and you went after him, your lips never leaving his. He chuckled against your lips before pulling away, standing up straight and straightening his jacket.

“What I thought. I’ll let you have this little bit of strength for now, Y/N. But don’t forget who is the only one who can make you fall apart in all the best ways.” He said, his fingers running over your collarbone, resting on the base of your throat. “Have a good day at work, love.” He smiled, walking out of your office and leaving you frozen in place.

You gulp, sitting down at your desk. You couldn’t even look at your food, you were pissed. Not so much at him but at yourself. You folded faster than a piece of paper and you hated it. You were strong, and you had a point to prove. Granted, he made you forget what it was temporarily, but it was somewhere in your mind.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by, 5:00 didn’t seem to come fast enough. You grabbed your jacket and left the office in a hurry, eager to get home and take a shower. It was raining when you left, even though it wasn’t supposed to. You drove home a little faster than the law allowed, happy to be back in a peaceful, safe space. You made sure to lock your front door before you went to take a shower.

When you got out, you went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. The rain had died down slightly, but it was still pretty heavy. There was a knock on the front door, and you were pretty sure it was the package you were expecting. It was a day early, but sometimes early was better. You were excited to try on the new shoes you ordered. Opening the door, you were meant with the sight of a rain soaked Yunho. His hair was stuck to his face, water dripping down his jaw. He was wearing a white shirt, and you saw the outline of his abs.

“Yunho?!” You exclaim, immediately going to shut the door but he stuck his foot in the door, stopping it from closing. “So cruel, leaving me out in the rain.” He smiled, letting himself in. You watch him carefully but shut the door. Maybe he’ll be more open to leaving than he was when he came to your job.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” You ask, exhausted of seeing him today. Seeing him more than once was prone to give you a headache. Dealing with Yunho was like seeing a medication on a commercial. 𝘑𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘠𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘰, 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘚𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥.

“You think I didn’t notice the way your body reacted to me when we kissed? I know you need me. You probably haven’t been able to cum properly since I left.” He assumed, and you roll your eyes. “Actually, me and my vibrator have gotten very close. She does a better job at it than you. So, you can leave now.” You say, pointing to the door with hopes that he’d leave. A girl had to be optimistic, right?

“Oh, is that so? Can your vibrator make you feel the things I do?” He asked, his hands playing with the fabric of the towel. “What? Annoyance? Yeah, it’s battery charged so when I have to change the batteries mid masturbation session.” You lie, his hands trailing down to your hips.

“Let’s test that theory.” He said, his lips crashing on to yours. The kiss wasn’t gentle, his hands gripping your hips and pulling you closer. You knew it was wrong, but you loved when he got like this. This rough and possessive side of him always made your heart flutter. He grabbed you by your thighs and picked you up, pushing you against the wall.

Your hands found his hair and your fingers tugged at the roots, and he let out a groan. “I knew you needed this.” He said against your lips, carrying you from the living room to your bedroom. He put you on the bed and snatched the towel from your body, leaving you naked against the fabric of your silk sheets. He took his belt off, ironically the same black leather belt you bought him from Ferragamo. He grabbed your wrists and pinned them together with his hand, cinching them together with the belt and placing them above your head.

“I really wish you weren’t so fucking stubborn, Y/N. But, I’m gonna make you see that you need me, one way or another.” He said, taking his shirt off and tossing it on the floor beside him. He leaned over you, trailing kissed from your neck down to your lower stomach. You held your thighs together for as long as you could, but as he got closer to your pussy, you felt them open slightly.

He picked up one of your legs and placed it over his shoulders, pulling you down so you were closer. “Yunho…” you whisper, your head falling against the pillow when his tongue came in contact with your clit. He used his arm to keep you locked in place, you saw his bicep flex every time you moved. His licks were slow, tantalizingly slow. He took his sweet time savoring the taste of your pussy, occasionally dipping inside and twisting his tongue.

“Goddamn, Y/N. Just as good as I remember.” He said, his tongue flicking against your clit as you cry out. You grind your pussy against his face, feeling your orgasm slowly building inside of you. “I know baby, ride my face like a good girl.” He tells you, slipping two fingers inside of your pussy. “Fuck, right there!” You tell him, and he held you still to make you feel everything he was giving you.

You stopped breathing as you came on his face, seeing him lap it up like a dehydrated man. Your body shuddered as you finally took a breath, and he pulled his fingers out of you. “That was nothing and you already soaked my face.” He teased, coming up to place a gentle kiss against your lips before he stood, searching your drawers for something. You laid against the bed, catching your breath as you watched him roam around your room.

He opened the drawer you kept your panties in and pulled out your vibrator. It was a wand, all white with diamonds on the end that you change the settings. He took his pants off, leaving him in black boxers. He laid next to you, turning your body so you were laying on your side. He grabbed your leg and placed it over his, exposing your pussy to the cold air of your room.

He took his dick out of his boxers, resting it between your folds, rubbing it back and forth, soaking it in your arousal. He turned the vibrator on the medium setting, placing it on your clit. The tip of his dick also vibrated, causing him to jerk before he adjusted to the feeling. You let out a whine, one orgasm already had you a little drained.

“Since you think your vibrator is so great, let’s see how great it is. How long it’ll take you to beg for my cock inside you.” He said, kissing your shoulder. You tried to close your legs, but he gripped your thigh, pulling it back open.

“You’ll take it like a good girl with no complaints if you want my cock, understood?” He asked you, slowly sliding the tip inside before taking it out and putting it against the wand again. Your second orgasm reached you in no time, and he turned up the setting. You heard him moan, his hips jerking at the higher sensation. “Oh fuck, I see why you like this thing. It feels so good against my dick, Y/N. But nothing beats that sweet little pussy wrapping around me just right.” He said in your ear, and you wanted to come undone at his words.

“Shh, I haven’t came yet, baby. Be a good girl and hold still. You can wait for me, yeah?” He said, letting out a whine as he jerked again. You could tell he was close, he always became desperate while chasing his release. You nod, but you weren’t sure how long you would last while he held the vibrator there. You heard him moan your name, and you looked down, seeing his cum paint your thighs as he came down from his high. He turned the vibrator off, holding still as you finally released your own, him kissing your neck as you came.

You never seen Yunho use a toy on himself, but you’ll be damned if it wasn’t the hottest thing you’ve seen. His hand trailed up, giving your tits a slap before he turned you on your stomach. “Fuck, I need that pussy.” He all but growled, shoving his length into you without warning. You let out a sob, feeling the pleasure return to you in an instant. His hand squeezed the flesh of your ass as he pounded into you without any pity. You felt your thighs tremble, still covered in his and your cum.

“I can’t, Yunho please! Fuck, I can’t cum again.” You cry out, letting your moans get buried into the pillow. It was your only salvation right now, the only thing giving you a bit of solace. “You can and you will. Remember, you wanted this right? You wanted to be filled with my cock, screaming into the pillow like a slut. Shut up and take it.” He grunted, slapping your ass and turning you on your back.

“I want you to see my cock going in and out of this pretty pussy. Look at it, Y/N.” He tells you, putting a hand on your stomach and pushing down slightly, increasing the pressure you felt. Your entire body shook, and you knew what was coming. And so did he. No one knew your body like he did, you were positive he knew it better than you did sometimes. “You need to cum again, right? Hold it or I fucking stop.” He warned you, and you slam your head against the pillow, trying to think about anything else but him thrusting into you over and over again.

“Fuck, I’m going to cum all inside this pussy. I’m gonna knock you up, baby, fucking hell.” He moaned, increasing the speed of his thrusts. He picked the vibrator back up and turned it on, placing it against your clit as he thrusted. What a horrible time to have fresh batteries.

“Let it out baby, give it to me. I’ll give you all my cum.” He said, and that finished you. You felt the tears go down your face as you chased your orgasm, watching him pull out and see his cum mix with yours, dripping out of you. He took his fingers and pushed it back inside, his chest rising quickly as he regained his breath.

“You belong to me, Y/N. With me. Only me, do you understand?” He asked, and you give him an exhausted nod before he unties your hands. He went into the bathroom and came out with a warm rag, cleaning your thighs. “Want some food?”

[heylittleriotact]

🕯️ THE RITUAL HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND I AM SUMMONED BY @emmg 🕯️

WIP ✨WHATEVER✨

I have a lot of Emmrook things in mind that I want to write (I made a list!), but I only have one brain and one dominant hand for writing, so I’m just dawdling away at my leisure.

Currently I’m working on my take on a scene that would take place directly following the end of the game because BioWare hates us and decided we don’t need any closure for our Rooks or their love interest aside from some vague ‘live, laugh, love’ bullshit epilogue slide.

Rook works their fucking ass off the entire game and is basically the emotional sponge for everyone else’s issues, pushing themselves beyond what’s healthy to see their goals through. Emmrich remarks on it on at least two separate occasions, so I think my Rook would probably find herself in a position within hours of everything concluding where her body and her mind just stand on the brakes and say, “Nope! We’re done! We cannot and will not do any more things until you take some time to recuperate!”

And who’s going to make sure that happens in the most romantic, wholesome, and slightly stern but sexy way?

Emmrich, of course 🤍

Also, I’m reverse uno-ing @emmg because I want to know what you’re cooking. LET ME INNNNNN.

I’m also tagging @allofthebarks because she said she has things she wants to write but the writing just isn’t coming, so comfort yourself in my clumsy, unedited WIP and just write A Thing. Dooooo it!!!

Veilguard End Game Spoilers Under The Cut

Cheering and accolades followed them through the ruined streets of Minrathous, and Amina took the time to ensure that no waiting hand was left unshaken, no hug went unreturned, and no condolence went unoffered. It took them nearly two hours to make their way to a damaged but still structurally sound estate secured for them by the Shadow Dragons but as far as she was concerned, it was time well spent.

As the ornate doors of the manor closed behind them and the cacophony of their victory was muffled, Amina took two steps into the manor, bent at the waist, and splattered the floor with the contents of her stomach.

Emmrich was on her in an instant, holding her long black hair aside with one hand and stroking comforting circles on her back with another.

“What’s happening? What’s wrong with her?” Taash demanded, taking a step forward. Her voice was distant - drowned out by the screeching whine in Amina’s ears.

She felt her legs wobble and give way, her armoured knees colliding roughly with the ground as she threw out a hand to steady herself, not caring that it landed right in her sick: everything was too much. Too loud. Too bright. Too… real. It felt like she was being driven out of her own body like a wayward spirit, her essence clinging desperately to whatever it could hold onto to tether her here.

Just as distantly, Amina could hear Emmrich respond to Taash but his words were lost on her as she wiped her mouth with the back of her arm and lurched clumsily to her feet.

“Harding - I need to go to her mother—“ Her voice broke: she hadn’t had time. None of them had had time to tell her mother about Harding’s death before Elgar’nan forced their hand.

She clenched her teeth at the sensation of hot tears cutting through the accumulation of grime and gore and sweat on her face, snarling defiantly through the deluge of agony crashing through her… breaking her from the inside.

There’s still work to be done…

She was pulling away from Emmrich, her course uncharted but steadfast: she needed to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. It didn’t matter, as long as she was doing something… as long as she was helping. But no matter how she pulled and tugged, he wouldn’t let her go: lithe as Emmrich was, he wasn’t weak by any stretch.

With some effort he managed to put himself in front of her, gold rings clinking against silverite where he gripped her shoulders before pulling her tight against him.

“Breathe, darling.” He instructed, enshrouding her diminutive frame in his own. “I need you to breathe… can you do that for me?”

She managed an anguished sob in reply but nothing more: any attempt to draw breath was met with unforgiving resistance as her airways slammed shut in seeming rebellion of life itself.

Arrangements need to be made - things need to be taken care of, and I’m the only one left to take care of them.

No. First I need to breathe.

“I’ve got you: you’re safe with me.”

More tears rolled down her cheeks as her eyes clenched shut and she forced a thin, ragged inhalation into her lungs.

“Well done, darling.” Emmrich encouraged, ever calm, ever heartening. “Now let’s try for another one, shall we? I’ll do it with you. Let out your breath on the count of three: one… two… three…”

She felt Emmrich contract against her as he slowly exhaled with her. None of this was new to her: Nevarran breathing techniques were required learning for Watchers. Claustrophobia could present unpredictably, and if one found themselves turned around or overwhelmed in the Necropolis, being able to stay calm was vital to survival.

“Perfect. Now another breath in…” He waited while Amina drew another shaky breath then loosened his hold on her to gently cup her cheek. Within moments she could feel the familiar soothing tingle of Emmrich’s magic coursing intimately through her, seeping through her nervous system and providing some relief.

“Emmrich,” she rasped, clutching at his chest. “I… I need to—“

“Do absolutely nothing.” He interjected sternly, his voice absent of any playful familiarity or scholarly flair, though it softened almost reflexively as he continued. “You’ve overextended yourself, Amina. You’ve been overextended for some time, but you pushed through to see this to the end - and you have - but my love, you can’t evade the reality of what you’ve been through indefinitely… you need to rest and take time to come to terms with things.” He drew his thumb over her cheek, speaking to her like she was the only person in the room.

“But—“

“All that needs to be attended will be seen to: Lace’s mother will be informed of her sacrifice in an appropriate manner, and the… actions of the Inquisitor will be communicated to the south.” He hung on the word ‘actions’ seemingly unsure of its accuracy but ultimately too focused on Amina to care.

She opened her mouth to argue, but likely having anticipated this from her, Emmrich spoke first.

“You’ve done so much and helped so many without asking for anything in return… please let me be the one to help you in your moment of need?”

His eyes searched hers, soft and pleading, and she studied the face of the man she loved: each pleasing curve and angle that she had committed to memory etched on her heart. The crinkled lines at the corners of his eyes, and the creases around his familiar mouth spoke of years of smiles offered to comfort and soothe.

He was filthy too, and his hair was limp and disheveled, strands of it hanging into his face… but oh Maker how she loved him…

“I love you…” He whispered for her ears alone, his lips ghosting over hers. “And I so look forward to reminding you of that fact every day for the rest of our lives… so let me begin now: let me take care of you.”

[feuillesss]

how is the other riize members seeing seunghan's situation? are they planning something too?

How The Other RIIZE Members Feel About The Situation

***DISCLAIMER***

I do not know these idols personally! This is just my interpretation of the cards that I pulled, please take this reading with a grain of salt. For entertainment purposes only.

( day/month/year - 12/11/24 )

How do the other Riize Members feel?

Wonbin: (Death/TheWorld/2pentrev)

He wanted to go first, his energy was very open with this, though he didn't have much to say. It seems like Wonbin saw this as a period in time where a lot was changing, he was struggling to accept these changes and put them into action. He feels hopeful that after this situation, they can make a new beginning for themselves, there's a lot of hope here. There's some anxiety for the future, like will he be able to achieve his dreams and his goals. He's been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by this situation, there's a lot to work through, a lot on his plate.

Shotaro: (7ow/10os/Kiow)

This situation has made Shotaro more determined to fight for what he wants, I get the feeling that he admires the effort that people are putting into this, the way they're standing their ground. He's working extra hard to maintain Riize's position and success as a group. "There's nowhere to go but up." is what I got from this. He really feels like they have nothing to lose, this is making him bolder, more stubborn and assertive. I think this situation hit Shotaro pretty hard, and it's been an exhausting period of time mentally, physically and emotionally. There was hopelessness, like his hands were tied, he didn't have a say in anything. He's being very bold now, a lot bolder than he was, like I said, he doesn't think they have anything to lose, so he thinks why shouldn't he be? He's looking at the big picture, he has a vision of what he wants Riize to be and he's taking the steps to achieve that. He feels like they're at the end of a long, difficult journey, their hard work is about to pay off, good things are around the corner. There optimism here, Shotaro's got a plan, and he's implementing it.

Sohee: (8pent/6ow/4ocrev)

Sohee believes that Riize will come back stronger after this situation. He's been throwing himself into his work, practicing his skills and really focusing on bettering himself. With the four of cups, I got such a strong feeling that it's toward Seunghan, 'get up, stop moping, work hard and come back'. I feel like Sohee was encouraging Seunghan a lot during this period. This situation maybe made Sohee realise the bad sides of being an idol, it broke his illusion in a sense. He felt like his life and career were turned upside out, just a general period of chaos and uncertainty. The six of wands was a little difficult to interpret since it came out sideways, but I got the feeling that he receives a lot of praise, like he should be feeling confident and happy and proud about everything, but he doesn't?

Eunseok: (Kiocrev/8oc/10os)

I think Eunseok was really being hard on himself during this period, like beating himself up over his mistakes or something. This affected Eunseok a lot, he really bottled up his feelings and withdrew into himself. I think he was just creating a lot of distance between him and the fans, there was a lot of pressure there. like pressure of making a mistake? He's very frustrated, like his heart's not in it anymore, he lost a lot of his passion for being an idol. He felt like people were being overdramatic and doing too much over Seunghans scandal.

Anton: (Kiocrev/6ocrev/6osrev)

Okay, I got all reversed cards in this reading, so I think Anton was one of the members that was more affected by this. I think Anton also lost a lot of his motivation and passion for being an idol, this situation made him realise the bad parts of being an idol. Like Eunseok, he thought people did too much about the scandal, and did too much with the funeral flowers. There's a general sense of annoyance, he's just done. He could be being colder towards people, and just a general moodiness and anxiety. He seems to be holding onto the past, missing how things used to be. He's realising that being an idol isn't all it's made up to be, not what he thought it would be like. The rose coloured glasses are coming off, and he's seeing it for what it really is. He feels like they have unfinished business, he does not want to move forward without Seunghan. He feels like they were forced into this situation, they had no say or control, he's resisting this change and is pretty annoyed by it.

Sungchan: (TheEmpress/2osrev/2oc/5osrev)

I think Sungchan is feeling hopeful! I got a huge optimistic vibe, he's looking forward to the future. I definitely think Sungchan was also encouraging Seunghan to come back during this time, he seems very in touch with his feminine, nurturing side. He feels like they've reached a stalemate, likely referring to this current situation with the boycott. They can't move forward, and they can't move back, neither party is giving up. He believes that they can only put this decision off for so long, eventually they will have to make it, I'm interpreting this in regards to SM's decision on whether they will bring Seunghan back; since in my reading of whether we would hear anything soon, I got that they were still deciding. I'm kind of getting the vibe of like, 'can't please everyone', and it's creating this stalemate of who they will choose to please. He's very confused about this, there's a lot of anxiety here, he knows there will be negative consequences either way. They're stuck between a rock and a hard place. He feels like now is the time to take action, to stop being passive and make moves.

Are they planning something?: (Kiofwa/Kiopent/2ow)

They're definitely stepping up right now, being bold. A huge theme that I got when doing this reading was their boldness, they won't be complicit. I definitely feel like they're working behind the scenes as well. They want Seunghan back, they want to be 7, that's clear. 2 of wands is all about planning, they're taking risks and working out what they want and how to get it. There's a lot of determination here as well, they won't stop until they reach their goal.

Are they going against the company?: (Knioc/3oc)

They're being very diplomatic right now, they're all planning and discussing, though it seems to be a positive environment. I'm just getting a vibe of optimism and positivity, a celebration, I think it's a good sign, I'm lowkey excited guys.

[romancecroc]

Lucanis Romance (Pt. 2)

This is an alternative take on finishing his companion quest (confronting Illario after saving Catharina). In this version, the whole "I made paella and your favorite" drink did not happen.

Things have felt different between them. Especially after Spite somehow dragged Rook into Lucanis’s subconscious and helped them align on a goal.

Nothing had really happened before that. Just the occasional lingering glances. Hands brushing against each when nobody could see. Overprotectiveness during battles.

But with all that was going on, it was almost impossible to find quiet moments. To reflect. Or to talk. 

And with all her confidence, Rook didn’t dare bring the topic up again. Nor make a move. 

But she felt closer to him. Especially after witnessing all his inner troubles, his regrets. 

But was that enough? How would you name this? Having feelings for someone, feeling close to them and yet… nothing happening?

What exactly did I want to happen?

The thought caught Rook off guard.

Guilt was starting to build up. They never said they were in a relationship after all. Lucanis didn’t owe her anything. 

But at the same time… there was a sense of frustration?

“Rook! Are you listening?” Teia said, waving her hands.

“Ah.” Rook responded, finally snapping out of it.

She was in Trevisio. They were getting ready to save Catharina and set Illario straight.

Teia and Viago were preparing, but Lucanis was nowhere to be seen.

Apparently he would join in later.

“Don’t worry, Lucanis knows the plan. He’ll join you at the mansion. Are you ready to go?” Teia asked again, patting Rook’s shoulder.

“Yes, sorry. We will get Catharina out of the mansion and then we’ll confront Ilario at the gathering.” Rook said, mostly to summarize it for herself.

“What are you going to do with Ilario when all of this is over?”

Teia and Viago chuckled, grabbing their daggers and facing the exit.

“I’m sure our first talon will know what to do.”

And with that, they both vanished.

—

It didn’t take long to sneak through the mansion. The team had initially agreed to only send out Rook and Lucanis - the less attention they attract the better.

But where was he?

Rook noticed one of the hallways having more guards than the others. With a dagger in hand and magic in another, she swiftly took care of them within seconds.

Until she felt a presence behind her. 

Instinctively, she elbowed them in the stomach, using the opportunity to turn around and push them against the floor. Her mouth dropped when she was finally hovered above him, her knees digging into his arms, locking him in position.

“Not a bad move, Rook.” Lucanis said, coughing between his words.

“Are you insane? I could have killed you!” Rock angrily whispered, immediately putting her dagger away.

“Please, Rook. I let you tackle me. Why miss out on an opportunity to get overpowered by a beautiful woman? ” he answered, a chuckle between the coughs.

It should have made her happy. The small flirts between them.

But instead, it just reminded her about her own frustrations. The impatient feeling, the guilt.

Without responding, she got up and offered him a hand. Pulling him up.

“Rook?” Lucanis asked, concerned. He had expected a matching response.

“We should focus on the mission.” Rook responded, perhaps a little colder than she intended.

“Where do you think your grandmother is? I already checked the east wing, but no luck so far.”

It felt like he was catching on, but the mission’s urgency kept him from investigating further. Instead he started leading the way, casually sharing childhood memories whenever he saw something familiar. 

He hasn’t been home for so long - and yet she couldn’t bring herself to fully enjoy his stories. Once Catharina had been saved and Ilario confronted, Rook would return to the Lighthouse and spend some time alone in her room. Clear her head.

That sounded like a good plan at least.

“She must be here.” Lucanis said, stopping in front of a door not too far from his childhood room. 

Rook motioned to get ready, just in case.

Once the door opened, a cane started swinging around aggressively - until Lucanis grabbed it.

“My grandson!” Catharina gasped in disbelief.

Rook stepped away for a bit, not wishing to interrupt their reunion.

“You are mad as us. Why?!” Rook suddenly heard in her head.

Spite??

“Answer! It is…. distracting him!” Spite responded telepathically.

Rook wasn’t sure how Spite was talking to her. Based on how Lucanis was acting, he didn’t seem to be aware of it either.

I’m not mad. I’m just trying to focus.

“Hurt. Longing. Is it loneliness? No. It smells like… disappointment!” Spite continued on.

The last thing Rook wanted was a conversation about her feelings. With Spite. She imagined a mental block around her head - it must have worked because the last thing she heard was a disapproving growl from Spite. And then it was quiet again.

“Thank you, Rook! For returning my grandson.” Catharina said gratefully, looking over to Rook.

“He did half of the work. We should really bring you somewhere safe.” Rook quickly responded, rejoining them.

“Nonsense. Now go and stop Ilario, I won’t be far behind.” Catharina responded, waving her cane around again.

The expression Lucanis made, said enough  - there was no way to convince Catharina to change her mind..

—

“You must feel relieved having your grandmother back. Any plans for Ilario?” Rook asked, as they were approaching the gathering.

“I don’t know. But one way or another, he needs to pay.” Lucanis said, approaching the giant door.

One could hear Ilarios' speech from the outside. Monologues about how he was grieving Catharina’s death. How Lucanis was a shame to the family and the crows due to becoming an abomination.

And that he was taking the title of the first talon for himself.

“Whatever happens, I’m with you.” Rook said, preparing herself for battle.

“I know. Let’s finish this.”

And with that, the door was kicked open.

Everything happened so fast.

Ilario didn’t hesitate to attack Lucanis on sight, backed by venatori.

The crows, unsure who to believe, were fumbling around.

But like many other fights, this one was about to end quite fast.

“They will never accept you. You’re an abomination!” Ilarios screamed at Lucanis, almost like a child who wasn’t picked for a group activity. Most of his venatory allies had fallen by now.

“Are you sure you’re not stuck with a demon yourself, Ilario? Even Spite sounds saner than you do right now.” Rook said loudly, currently finishing off remaining venetario on the opposite side of the hall.

Embarrassment was plastered on Ilarios face. The sheer audacity of being compared to a demon. And despite having little backup left, he used whatever remaining blood magic he had to teleport himself past the crows.

“You will pay for this insult!” Illario yelled, appearing in front of Rook with a dagger in hand. Ready to stab her in the chest.

Growing up with the shadow dragons taught her well - especially on how to deal with crazy individuals that were about to stab you. There were different ways to make them stop,  even for a few seconds. They just need to believe they won. 

So Rook didn’t defend herself. Didn’t use any magic spells.

Instead she positioned herself in a way, so that the dagger would end up between her armpits. Her clothes were already torn at a few places, covered in blood. It would be hard to tell whether she was really hit or not. And a delusional blood mage wouldn’t know the difference either.

To dramatize the moment, Rook let out a terrible cry that melted together with Ilario’s victory laugh.

And multiple people shouting in the background?

Rook couldn’t focus too much on it, as she was busy taking a few steps back. Holding the dagger close, while she fell on her knees. And then to her sides, closing her eyes.

“Let this be a lesson for anybody who insults Ilario-”

The sound of something smashing against the wall echoed across the hall. Followed by a demonic snarl.

“They. touched. Rook! They die!” 

That must be Spite.

Oh…

Rook realized that she never discussed her cinematic move with the others. Neve was used to it. She had witnessed it too many times during their missions.

She hated it. But she couldn’t deny how it made enemies feel overconfident. Prone to making mistakes. Better to catch off guard.

But not something to do with unaware participants.

When Rook carefully opened her eyes, another body flew against a wall. Ilario was still standing next to her, looking in another direction. His entire body tensed up in shock. Apparently Lucanis/Spite had been brutally throwing any Venatory standing in their way against the stone walls.

“Cousin, you need to calm down. They are already dead!” Teia yelled at Lucanis, but Viago held her back.

The final stand was Lucanis/Spite finally reaching Ilario, grabbing him by the throat and hurling him across the hall. The impact was strong enough to make Ilario break a few pieces of furniture in the process.

“Not. Enough. He needs to… suffer!” Lucanis and Spite shouted, as if they’d merged.

He quickly kneeled next to Rook and despite his pupils not being visible, his narrowed eyebrows showed enough concern.

“I’m fine.” Rook whispered, already feeling bad for the entire thing.

“No! He hurt you. He hurt us!” Lucanis/Spite responded back, hissing.

He was going to kill them all. If he hadn’t done so already.

“I think you already punished them well enough. Here, look.” Rook said, grabbing the dagger and pulling it out.

“See? No blood. Your cousin just has a terrible aim. He thought he won and that made him arrogant, distancing himself from his allies.” Rook explained, though she wasn’t sure how much lucanis/spite caught in their frenzied state.

“No… blood.” Lucanis/Spite whispered back.

During all this, Viago and Teia used the moment to tie Ilario down. All the other venatori were dead due to… impactful wall slammings. 

“You’re disgraceful, all of you. It’s not enough he’s an abomination, but he also kneels?! How the crows have fallen!” Ilario continued to shout, but his defeat was imminent. 

Rook slowly lifted herself off the ground, kneeling next to him.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you about this little… stunt I use from time to time. Neve hates it too. I won’t do it again and-”

Lucanis pulled Rook against him, wrapped his arms around her as the purple glow in his eyes started fading away.  Burying his face against her neck.

“Never again.” he growled. 

Rook squeezed his arm as a confirmation. The embrace ended with him taking her hand and raising Rook back to her feet with him.

All the yelling subsided when Catharina finally entered the halls. Even Ilario finally closed his mouth.

Rook didn’t dare speak. As the situation calmed down, Teia and Viago complimented her on the dramatic stunt. Thanked her for all the help she’s given.

Rook politely nodded. She could feel Lucanis staring at her. Avoiding any instances of aggravating him further would be wise.

That, until Catharina announced him as the first talon. At this point, he was swarmed by crows. People who wanted to start building connections. Others who just wanted to share a celebratory drink.

Getting through the crowd would be impossible.

“I’m going home. Could you tell Lucanis when you catch him? I think I have worried him enough for one day.” Rook said to Viago.

He nodded and then sheepishly smiled at Rook. 

“What? What is it?” Rook asked, confused.

“Take care of my cousin, Rook. Enjoy your night.” he responded, slapping her shoulder in a friendly manner.

Rook shrugged and started heading towards the Eluvian. She looked back once more and managed to make eye contact with Lucanis. With hand motions, she quickly pointed towards the Eluvian and then waved goodbye. Before he could respond, Lucanis was swarmed by another wave of crows.

—

When Rook made it to her room, she wanted to throw herself onto the bed. What a day it was.

But these clothes had to go. 

She quickly slipped out of the blood soaked fabric that was already torn in a few places. Doesn’t look like it can be repaired.

She left it on the floor and moved to the baths. It was so late at night, she doubted anybody was going to notice.

After a good cleanup, a few bruises became visible. Nothing fatal. But some were going to stick around for a while. Especially the deep purple ones. 

Too lazy to dress up, Rook grabbed a robe and headed back to her bedroom. But she was hungry. There was no time to eat during the ordeal. Maybe the kitchen had something? Even just a snack.

She quietly snuck her way into the kitchen. Perhaps she could gather a few cookies and eat them in bed! Nobody would notice. It would be her little secret. It was also doubtful that Lucanis would already be back from his celebration.

“Rook.”

She froze. Her hand was so close to grabbing a cookie.

“Oh! You’re back already?” she responded, turning around. Caught in the act.

Lucanis was sitting on the couch. A cup in his hand, presumingly coffee.

“Yes.” he responded.

“I was actually going to come visit you in your room. After I had finished my drink.” he added.

“Visit me so late at night? Whatever for?” Rook responded as a joke.

But he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead Lucanis took another sip of his coffee.

“You’re wearing a robe.”

Suddenly Rook started feeling very shy. 

“Ah, yes. I was covered in blood and wanted to check for bruises. Nothing bad, luckily.”

There was tension. And she wasn’t sure in which direction it was going to go.

The sound of her heartbeat made it difficult to focus.

“I… should go. Get out of this bathrobe.” she added and slowly took a step back.

“A good idea.” he said, taking the last sip. And then placing the cup back on the table.

“You can then show me the bruises.” 

It took a moment for her to register what he said.

That, until he stood up and started walking towards her. Rook took another step backwards, only to find herself clashing against the kitchen table behind her.

It was too late now. Any means of escape were blocked. Lucanis stood in front of her, resting his hands on both sides - pinning Rock against the table.

“I thought you were dead.” he finally said.

Lucanis didn’t shy away from eye contact. Rook looked down instead, ashamed. At least until he gently lifted her chin.

“I was going to kill them all.”

His hand slowly moved to her cheek, caressing it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” she whispered back.

“You didn’t think I would react?” Help me understand, Rook.”

“No! It’s just… I didn’t think you would react like that. I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t sure where I stood with you, so I decided to focus on the mission and do my thing.” 

“And has today cleared your doubts?” he asked, his thumb brushing against her lips.

She didn’t respond. And somehow she already felt breathless.

“Mierda.”

His lips clashed against hers. It didn’t take long for Rook’s to wrap her arms around his neck. Her hands grabbing onto him. Lucanis lifting Rook and placing her on the kitchen table, keeping her close.

It felt needy. Urgent. Especially when his tongue was starting to dance with hers, moaning into her mouth. 

He grabbed onto her waist, pressing himself against her. From all the movement, Rook’s bathrobe was starting to slip and any exposed shoulders were bitten, licked or kissed. 

What they didn’t realize was all the noise. Every moment caused a plate to fall. Cutlery clashing against other metallic objects. 

They finally froze when somebody yelled “What is going on down there?!”

After that, silence. Followed by quiet chuckles between them.

“I know it’s not honorable, but we could pin it on Manfred.” Rook suggested, fixing her robe.

“Hmm… No, I’ll tell them the truth.” Lucanis smirked, kissing Rook on the forehead and giving her space again. 

“And what is that? Sorry, I was fooling around in the kitchen?” Rook asked.

“Fooling around is a temporary notion. I intend to keep you for a long time.”

Lucanis smirked again, witnessing Rook blushing. 

“Now go rest. I’m still planning on inspecting your bruises sometime soon.”

Before Rook could respond, Lucanis had returned to his room. 

Falling asleep would be difficult after such a promise.

[pygmi-cygni]

Pit Stop

I've been slacking on my poevember guys...I'll drop a few today just to say sorry.

cw: sickfic, bickering, fluff

"You're s'posed to put the tea bag in first," you grumbled from inside your blanket fort, groggily watching Poe fumble his way through making some Safro root tea.

"Hey, I'm the nurse here," he fired back, drizzling a bit of honey in the mug. "Blow your nose and be quiet."

You stuck your tongue out before dissolving into a hacking cough that rattled the furniture. Beebs beeped softly from the doorway, little orange light blinking with concern. Poe waved him off and carefully brought over your drink, wincing when it burned his palm

"Take it take it take it, it's hot," he hissed, almost sloshing it over the rim. You snorted at his dramatics and set it on the side table. The nest of tissues, heating pads and empty cups of tea had built up a fortress around you. For precaution, Poe had let you take the whole bunk and he was sleeping on the floor.

At first you protested, but he wanted to be close in case you needed help. And, this way he could take full advantage of the heated floor panels.

"How's the headache today?" Poe asked over his shoulder, dressing for his mission today.

"S'okay."

The tea was nice and soothing on your throat, and the tightness in your chest melted away. Your hum of contentment brought a grin to Poe's face. He kissed your cheek.

"Told you it would help."

"Yeah, but I had to tell you how to make it," you mumbled against his lips. He tugged your ear affectionately.

"I'll be back by tonight, don't die. Beebs will come in with meds in a few hours, okay?"

You nodded an affirmative and shuffled back under your hovel. Your legs were a bit achy from being curled in the same position, but your head was so exhausted you couldn't bring yourself to move.

Coughing weakly, you sighed and nodded back off to sleep.

Your nap was a little shorter than you'd like. BB-8 had left a small tray with some capsules on it. You took them gratefully and sat up, gingerly stretching your cramped shoulders. A satisfying pop and you fell back onto the bed with a sigh. The movement had given you some energy, and you decided to clean up a little.

Half of the tissues and empty food containers had been tossed by the time you felt a little weak. Dizzy, you sat against the bed frame, breathing laboriously. Your breath wheezed through your teeth. Still congested.

Poe chose that moment to walk through the door.

"Woah, hey, hey, what happened?" He rushed, automatically in doctor mode. You batted his hands away.

"Jus' got a bit sleepy, don't-"

"No, I told you to get rest," he chided, checking your face for...something, and scooping you up to lay back down. You groaned dejectedly.

"but I've been laying down forever-"

"Hush, or I'll strap you down."

Harrumphing, you pulled the blankets over your head and turned away from him. You were teasing, obviously, and you knew Poe was right. It wasn't a good idea to exert yourself after being sick for so long.

A warm pair of hands carefully peeled away your protective shield. Poe's big brown eyes peered down at you, face twisted in a playful glare.

"Where's my good night kiss," he whisper-shouted. You snorted at him, realizing he was hanging half-off the bed in an attempt to reach you. You coughed gently into your elbow.

"No kisses when I'm sick."

He scoffed. "Is it a mouth-killing sickness? Otherwise I'm not sure why that would prevent you from-"

"Actually, yes," you interrupted, giggling, "it is a mouth killing sickness, and my lips no longer work-"

"Oh, finally," he sighed dramatically, "maybe then I'll get some peace and quiet around here-" his fingers dug into your ribs and you squealed, batting him away and laughing hoarsely. He tickled you until you started coughing again. Your ribs quaked with the force. Poe rubbed a hand over your back, offering a glass of water.

"Hey, careful," he soothed.

"Your- cough - your fault," you wheezed, gulping it down gratefully. His smile was warm as you settled back in with a yawn.

"Yeah, okay. We'll take a pit stop on the tickle fights then," he relented. You smiled at each other for a soft moment, him crouching next your bed and you buried in blankets. Poe's finger came up to trace your nose, humming gently. Your eyelids grew heavy as you tried to place the song.

Heavy on the mountains, as we walk...."That's not how it goes," you accused, sitting up. He pushed you back down and shrugged.

"It's how I heard it."

"No, it's early in the mountains, not heavy-"

"Oh, just get some sleep," he snapped playfully, pressing a firm kiss on your forehead, "bedtime was two hours ago."

"I'm not five," you groused, but smiled when he kissed both of your cheeks. Poe rested his head next to yours and resumed stroking your cheek, humming the correct song this time.

tags! comment to join

@krakenkitty @ominoose @bulletgoth @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @justsomeonecalledemma

@iolaussharpe-24 @rosegnome @twwcs @heeheehoohoofictimr @steven-grants-world

@ael-xander @to-be-a-sunshine @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @silvernight-m @lonelyisamyw-0love 

@unear7hly @chaithetics @ominoose @madevour

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko chapter 166 thoughts - the end of all things

So uh... the only positive thing I can say here besides the beautiful Ai art is that I felt sad reading the page where Miyako was hugging Ruby. Everything else left me completely empty

This chapter is either:

A) A self-aware ending meant to show that life is suffering and the idol industry will suck out your soul if you let it

B) Outsourced to someone who skimmed OnK for 30 seconds on Wikipedia before putting pen to paper

It has to be A, right? You can't tell me that the same author wrote both of these pages without the right being ironic

But I don't think so because big brained Akane is the one clumsily narrating this crappy montage masquerading as a real ending

Aqua died for nothing. His sister is now a soulless cog in the idol machine

Ruby is mimicking Ai's speech - "Lies are an outstanding kind of love... We pile on the lies and no matter how hard things get, we sing and act happy onstage. It's a fun job!" But she forgot the rest of it: "Only, I'd like the 'being happy' part to be real. Nobody notices, but we have hearts and lives of our own. Happiness as a mother. Happiness as an idol. Normally you'd have to pick one, but I want both. Ai Hoshino is a greedy girl"

Ai wasn't only a misunderstood girl who worked hard to please her fans. That was a big part of her story but she also broke the rules to create her own family, her own happiness

Ruby, on the other hand, seems to have no real desires anymore, she's just following a path she believes her mother and Aqua paved for her. Never mind that Aqua only wanted it in the end because she wanted it and Ai just wanted her kids to be happy

You can tell that Akasaka is patting himself on the back for making a cyclical narrative where Ruby becomes Ai 2.0 by being commodified, scrutinized, and idolized like Ai was

But it's such a flimsy parallel when it comes to the theme of lies because lying to hide your grief =/= "lies are love" which was the only way Ai knew how to frame her genuine desire to love

And Ai's "I love you" to her kids was true whereas Ruby has swallowed her own lie that being an idol is fun even when you're just doing it to outrun your pain

What this chapter showed us is that the meaning of Ruby's life is to be Ruby of B Komachi and she was put on Earth to sing pop songs. Because that's what Ai did, right? If I remember correctly, her final words were "I'm so glad I got to be an idol #blessed"

My God was the Dome concert soulless. Miyako and Ichigo crying happy tears is a punch to the gut. Doesn't Miyako know her daughter is still hurting?

The last scene is so fucking depressing

Ruby, are you okay? Blink twice if you still remember your life outside the idol industry!

The last two pages work really well as horror. She has a brilliant smile but you can tell that she's dead inside. She's got more merch on her table than photos. Why doesn't she have a corkboard of family photos? Although I more or less have this Ai plushie and it's pretty cute so I'll give this a pass because it's hilarious

I guess the takeaway here is to live for others and life is painful so just grin and bear it. Oh yeah, and inspire other young women to join an industry where they get to act happy and lose their humanity. Cool

I mean I get that it's supposed to be about moving on with your life even while grieving and that's a good message, sure, but Aka's insistence on using the word "lies" multiple times as if saying it makes it make sense ruins the whole thing

The most insane part is that this chapter is a wholehearted endorsement of the lies sold by the entertainment/idol industry

I haven't even said anything about anyone besides Ruby because what's the point? Aka didn't have time to do justice to any of the characters I grew to love

It's clear something went wrong with the timeline of wrapping up OnK. No artist wants to execute a final chapter like this. I'm convinced the film reel edges are Aka and Mengo's way of telling the reader, "we know this is a shitty clips show so don't @ us on Twitter about it"

But it's so much worse than that. Aka really decided to tear to shreds everything he worked so hard on for 4 years. Damn

This is my favorite manga and I'll always love that it gave me Ai, my most beloved character of all time, but this leaves an extremely bitter aftertaste. It's really hard to believe that the same person who wrote vol 1 wrote this.

OnK has been pretty important to me. Reading weekly, chatting with fans, and reaching dangerous levels of Ai brain rot has actually been a helpful distraction. TBH I've been a little too invested in it but sometimes you need escapism. So it's crazy that I'm kind of glad it's over.

But this is why fanfic, fanart, and your own headcanons exist. In another universe, this manga wrapped up beautifully and I was depressed for weeks because I couldn't look forward to it anymore. In this universe, at least we're all suffering together here at the end of all things.

And at least the little Hoshino family is still adorable. Too bad Ai is dead, Aqua is dead, and Ruby desperately needs grief counseling. But NEVER MIND. Look at Ai's smile and the twins' faces. This was the Oshi no Ko I really loved.

[slowlystupendousdelusion]

Okay so in an attempt to focus on the positives, here are some bullet points of what I remember from the Greg Doran & David Tennant Shakespeare talk the other week.

Touchstone was DT's first Shakespeare part and As You Like It was the Shakespeare play he first remembers being interested in as there was a tour of it that went to his school.

A licence was needed to be able to use André Tchaikowsky's skull for Hamlet as he had died within the last 100 years old. DT dropped it during dress rehearsal the first time they used it and a bit broke off. Luckily they were able to fix it as it was a cheek(?) bit that had fallen out and could be put back in.

DT did a fair impression of both Sir Ian McKellen and (I think?) Al Pacino (I think this was in reference to 'Looking for Richard'??)

DT felt a lot of pressure in relation to Hamlet to the point that he was curled up in the foetal position before going on and had to be talked out of it by the speech assistant

They hold 'gyms' during the rehearsal period where they go through the play line by line to make sure everyone understands what they're saying. They might have discussions about it if there's not consensus.

GD thinks Love's Labour's Won (the lost play) is Much Ado About Nothing. DT countered this (to much laughter) with the plot of DW S3 Ep2. There was clearly a large Whovian contingent in attendance.

I've mentioned this elsewhere but they talked about other productions of Macbeth and GD mentioned one he'd seen with the following joke in the Porter scene: "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Tom" "Tom who?" "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow" DT said he wouldn't tell Jatinder or he'd use it that evening

DT's least favourite Shakespeare is The Taming of the Shrew, I think GD demurred on this. Both said favourite is always the one you're currently working on. So Macbeth atm.

The talked about intervals and how Shakespeare didn't really have them - the crowd would be standing and some scenes were built in as a break. Some plays lose momentum if an interval is place in (Macbeth was cited). It can be a bit of a challenge choosing where to place one and they mentioned how in their Vers of Hamlet they put the interval mid-line to shake up expectations etc.

They talked a bit about iambic pentameter and how it's not as important as purists might have you believe. Shakespeare started having thoughts cross lines as he got older - perhaps to help the actors?

They talked about the challenges of such well-known plays and creating suspense etc. Some of the lines are problematic and how as a director, you're not an academic so if it doesn't work you can cut them!

DT mentioned Iago (among others) as a character he still wanted to play [🙏🙏🙏pls & ty]

One of the questions was about how his Shakespeare performances informed his part in Rivals. The response was that Jilly Cooper and Shakespeare actually have a lot in common in that they understand how humans act and wouldn't shy away from bawdiness etc.

They did mention Richard III a fair amount but the specifics aren't coming to mind

They talked about reviews and how you can dismiss the bad ones but if you do that then you can't really take only the good ones to heart. My friend noted that this topic was the only time GD looked slightly uncomfortable during the talk but I can't say I noticed that.

I didn't actually write notes at the time so I'm sure I missed a bunch, but my other take away from this was how charismatic and naturally funny DT came across.

[mer-acle]

i hold all the power (evil laugh, evil laugh)

Give me...

The big athena hcs

I desire knowledge and inspiration (evil laugh, evil laugh)

Haha

You kinda put me on the spot there. Not bc I don't have big headcanons but bc I'm like how do I phrase this without being like "here's the plot of that fic I wrote" yk? And now I'm unsure what constitutes a big headcanon... so I'm just gonna give you some more random ones and maybe you can help me out with what you were thinking of? (O.O)

For Epic specifically: Her owl form is a dark barn owl, bc they're really pretty and rare and have ginger feathers that match her hair

She dislikes Poseidon so much because he's so much like her father but her perception of him isn't softened by the love she has for Zeus.

Prometheus really saved her after Pallas's death. He kinda filled the void that losing Triton as a paternal figure had left more so than that of Pallas herself, but he took her along for his little creation projects (like the humans whoops) and they really match each other's freak. Yk. Until Zeus takes Prometheus away and definitely forbids Athena from visiting. I will literally murder him one of these days.

Speaking of Zeus taking people away, Athena was STRUGGLING after Pallas. Unsurprisingly, but still. Nobody but Hephaestus knows her from when she was still pretty openly mourning, they're all too young, and he never really asked why, but my girl was so depressed and lonely. She spend IRL HOURS in Quick Thought rewatching that battle and trying to figure out the moment where she went wrong. She knows Zeus intervened, but it doesn't matter to her, it's her spear, it's her kill. He was all like "for a nymph?" when she asked to take Pallas's name. "well, if you think that is a title worthy of your status..." It was her most open rebellion against his wishes for a while.

Her favorite domain is wisdom, but it's followed by crafting, not war. Don't get me wrong, she enjoys a good fight, but if she had to choose and wasn't worried about Zeus's opinion, she would choose crafting over war any day. The reason in my hc is how the domains are assigned, she was basically born with Wisdom, her powers are all about thought, and Zeus later assigned her with warfare which her powers work well with, but weren't technically meant for it. Meanwhile crafting is her "Passion domain" meaning her power in it literally stems from her intense enjoyment for creating. Imagine "What else can I do" from Encanto, but it's her discovering making clothes for the first time. The angst factor of this obviously being "My life has one mission, create the greatest warrior" Why is that her one mission? Is it the crushing weight of who she has to be?

My favorite bigger concept has to be her relationship with truth. In other words, Athena lies and manipulates her way through life, she is smarter than her father but knows he holds the power, so her council is whatever works in the moment, if she knows it's hopeless, she'll tell him what he wants to hear. Life has become a game for her, a game where she sells her soul for approval, bc she's lost those who loved her unconditionally, and can't trust those around her bc they're all trapped in the game with her, she doesn't want to be the favorite, she needs to be the favorite, it's the only way to survive, the only way for some semblance of safety and control, and yes, she gets along with mortals better than gods because they hold no power over her, they can't threaten the position she's worked so hard to achieve. Until Odysseus compromises a part of her that she hadn't thought she still had. Attachment never felt like danger with Pallas, but it does now, because what does it matter if you're more powerful when you respect the other person too much not to honor their wishes, should they tell you to leave them alone? If asked, she will have to leave, and that's terrifying (None of that would be overly conscious before My goodbye but for me, that breakup deep down always will be Athena being scared of her own feelings and trying to stop it before it goes too far and being at least 15 years too late.)

Woah that got dark lol I just wrote the last section and was like 👀fuck I am projecting SO bad. Like... gods I am so not okay. Jokes on me I thought I had headcanons all I have is trauma lmao

Anyways lol

Hope you liked it, and do let me know if you had something else in mind, I'll do my best :3

[razmerry]

Sorry if this has already been answered, but what did Seedstar do during her reign?

Excerpt from my notes document:

"Seedstar was a deluded, slithering manipulator with a powerful righteousness complex and wormed her way into power by spreading lies and seeding doubt throughout SnowClan of the deputy at the time, Spidershadow. Seedwhisker began to slowly increase the pressure on Spidershadow by constantly undermining him, secretly causing trouble, luring foxes and dogs into the territory, and generally causing mayhem behind the scenes. 

Over time, SnowClan began to worry more and more about Spidershadow’s stress and paranoia, until Seedwhisker finally attacked him in a thunderstorm where he couldn't recognize her. Convinced he would die if he stayed there and not feeling like he could trust anyone, Spidershadow fled towards RainClan territory. There, the elderly Antstar and his deputy Newtfoot took him in, but he was a wreck for a long time. Seedwhisker, then being a young and strong cat but still having lots of experience, became the next obvious deputy. 

But Seedwhisker wasn’t satisfied, of course. She knew she had divine right from StarClan to be a leader, that she had been born for the role. All these pretenders were only getting in her way and keeping SnowClan from being its best. So with little effort, she led Pikestar out to a nearby mud quarry, and one little push was all it took. SnowClan found his body four days later at the bottom of a ravine, and all assumed he had slipped and fallen in the slick, rainy weather. And finally, Seedstar ascended to leadership. Quickly, though, it was made obvious that Seedstar had never been cut out for a leader. She focused on no one but herself - when the Clan was going hungry, Seedstar’s belly was always full. If another leader insulted her at a Gathering or on a patrol, she would send immediate attacks that resulted in bloody losses for SnowClan. Her deputy was a spineless she-cat named Graystorm that did anything and everything Seedstar ever asked without any pushback, desperate to hold onto the position. Slowly and steadily all the Clans around the lake began to suffer, with Seedstar happy and powerful. This all went on for moons and moons, ending up to be a brutal regime.

Until finally, Newtfoot of RainClan had enough. She had spoken with Spidershadow before, in one of his rare calmer states, and started connecting the dots. Putting two and two together, Newtfoot told Antstar everything she knew. Outraged, Antstar and Newtfoot finally confronted Seedstar while she was out in the woods. She had many of her warriors with her, but as she snapped at them to attack, none of them moved. Even Graystorm just squirmed and backed away. Seedstar was silent for a second, then threw back her head and roared with laughter. Through it, she hissed that StarClan would come and protect her divine right as leader. Digging her claws into the ground, she waited. And waited. And as Antstar and Newtfoot fell upon Seedstar, nothing had ever come. Seedstar’s reign ended in SnowClan, and Graystorm and several other of Seedstar’s supporters were exiled from the Clans. A precocious and brave cat named Owlcreek was made into Owlstar, naming a young warrior called Dawnmist as deputy. Newtfoot, seeing Seedstar’s violent and aggressive reign up close and personal, vowed to lead RainClan into a more peaceful future than Seedstar would have ever brought. 

Know this; Seedstar was not manipulated by the Dark Forest, or evil cats in her life. Nor was she swayed by some wicked StarClan cat. Seedwhisker, and then Seedstar, was simply an egocentric, entitled cat that felt she deserved power and deluded herself into seeing StarClan’s signs in natural life where there were none, and basing her actions upon that."

[gugapuppy]

Abortion - Part 3 (A!Ghost x O!Soap)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

═══════════════════════════

A little confort today, but the next part one will hurt a little. Be advised.

CW: Implied abortion

═══════════════════════════

Soap was sitting in a coffee shop sipping an espresso, far from the base and the memories there. Looking out of the window, Soap could see various people passing by and going about their lives, street animals wanting food and affection, and happy children holding hands with their parents. It made Soap's breath shake.

He'd texted Gaz to meet him at the café, he trusted the beta to help him, knowing that Kyle wouldn't abandon him, or at least he hoped he wouldn't abandon him.

After a while of waiting and his espresso running out, Gaz finally arrived to greet him, the two exchanged a few words and random topics such as games he was playing, upcoming missions, series coming out, until finally a small silence hung over them both.

"So, what's been bothering you Tav? Ghost and you..." -Kyle began.

Looking out of the window, observing the scenery, Soap decided to be direct instead of winding things up. "I'm pregnant, Kyle."

Soap notices Gaz opening and closing his mouth out of the corner of his eye. "Oh...congra-"

"I want to abort."

This time, the silence is longer, and Soap comes round after a while to face Kyle, who is wide-eyed and has his hand over his mouth. 

"Oh..." -Gaz says, taking his hand away from his mouth and closing it on the table. "Does Ghost know about this?"

Soap swallows dryly, his eyes starting to water with each blink, but he keeps a straight face. "He knows."

Gaz looks between his hands quickly before getting up from the side of the table he was on and sitting down next to Soap, putting his arms around him as he shakes him slowly from side to side. "That's why you were acting strange..."

Soap nods and leans into Gaz's warm touch, purring his first way through weeks of tears and stress. "I don't want to do this alone, help me, please?"

"I'm not leaving you alone John, does anyone else know about this?"

"No, they can't know." -Soap tightens his grip on Gaz, holding on tight. "Price and Laswell will try to stop me or tell me to wait for Simon to come back... I can't wait for Kyle."

"Okay... let's go to my place, from there I'll call Price to give me and you a week off."

Soap looks at Gaz, a sad smile on his face. "Thanks bro."

The two then leave the café and take a taxi to Kyle's flat. As they go, night falls over them and the city, only streetlamps and buildings with LED signs illuminate the surroundings.

And as Kyle said, Kyle did. Calling Price, he asked for a week off and the captain quickly gave them both three weeks off, probably realising that Soap needed it after the weeks he noticed the sergeant had experienced.

Afterwards, they both ordered pizza for dinner, a purr echoing from Johnny at receiving one of his favourite foods. Gaz always knew how to please him. 

Over dinner, Gaz told him that his sister was a doctor and there had been cases where she'd had to help with abortion operations, so he offered to call her, something that Soap accepted with certainty.

Some time after dinner had finished and Gaz had called his sister, Gaz sat down on the sofa and told Soap that Kyle's sister had made an appointment at the clinic for the following day. 

On hearing this, Soap felt anxious and began to tremble. Gaz hugged him as he stroked the omega's back.

Soap lay on top of Gaz until his panic subsided and the few tears that fell dried up. "Can we watch something?"

"Of course, anything specific?" -Gaz asked as he searched for Netflix.

"The second season of a series I like just came out..." -Soap said as he found a comfortable position for his head on Gaz's chest.

As soon as Gaz put the series on, it wasn't long before they were both asleep before the second episode had even started. 

And for the first time in weeks, Soap felt that someone cared about him.

═══════════════════════════

Now, the angst begins, and idk how much will hurt...

[jjonglemons]

all my works can be found here

As You Are

i needed a cathartic one-shot, so here's a projection of my own internalized gender issues lmao. this one goes out to all my fellow afab nonbinary folks

Summary: jongho planned a nice night out for the two of you, and when he notices you aren’t feeling your best, he makes sure to remind you just how amazing you are.

WC: 1.7k

Tags: trigger warning (body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, self-hatred, mild self-harm), established relationship, non-idol!jongho, nb!reader, afab!reader, fluff

“No,” you muttered, unbuttoning your white blouse with a sigh of frustration, “not this.” You took it off and tossed it back onto the bed amongst the other three tops you tried on already. Each of them were just “too” something for how you were feeling this evening. Groaning, you threw yourself onto the bed, grabbing one of the pillows and burying your face into it.

There was a soft knock on the bedroom door. “Love?” Jongho called out softly, creaking the door open so he could step into the room. “Is everything okay? You’ve been getting ready for a while now…” He took note of how you were sprawled across the bed with your face covered. Having been together for nearly five years, he knew exactly what that position meant. Jongho pushed your clothes out of the way so he could sit down. You felt the bed dip beside you as he comfortingly placed his hand on your thigh. “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” you grumbled, pulling the pillow away so you could look at him, “I just want to have fun tonight and don’t know what to wear.”

“Want me to pick something out for you?”

Despite still having no idea what you were feeling up to wearing, you were tired of thinking about it. Whether you ended up feeling comfortable or uncomfortable in his choice of outfit, you just wanted to be on your way already, so it didn’t matter. You’d deal with it.

“Please,” you pouted, eyes begging like a puppy.

Jongho let out a light chuckle, patting your thigh where his hand rested as he stood up. "Of course." You watched him rummage around the closet for a few minutes, eventually settling on a simple black t-shirt and grey acid-washed jeans. You managed to let out a sigh of relief seeing his choice was neutral in many aspects. You hoped once you put it on, your anxiety would settle.

“Do you want help getting dressed?” Jongho offered, placing the clothing on the bed beside you. Something he became accustomed to during your relationship was when you struggled with clothing, he’d help dress you. It sounded silly, and perhaps childish, but when your mind wasn’t in the best place with these types of situations, you really just needed an extra hand to help guide you through it. Jongho often coaxed you with sweet compliments and kisses all over your face, shoulder, and back as he did this to remind you just how much you meant to him. 

“Yes,” you nodded, slowly rising from the bed and moving over towards him. 

He carefully pulled the t-shirt over the top of your head, leaving a light trail of kisses on your back as he followed it down your spine to your hips. “You look so good in everything, love,” he whispered, “what a star you are!”

You blushed and bit your lip, turning around to face him once he finished dressing you. “Thank you for always being so kind to me,” you gushed, placing your hands on his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss.

“Anything for you,” he smiled, pecking your nose as you parted.

You picked up your jeans off the bed, sliding them on slowly, one leg at a time. Truthfully, your depressive feelings left you heavy and unable to move at what you considered a normal pace. Jongho wrapped his arms around you from behind, moving his hands to your waistband to button your pants for you.

“Are you sure you still want to go out?” Jongho asked, turning you around to face him once more. “I can cancel the reservation; I am more than happy to have a night in instead”

You shook your head. “No, I want to go out. We haven’t had the chance in ages, who knows when we’ll have this opportunity again?”

Jongho took your hands into his, “as long as you're okay,” then kissed the top of your head.

“I am,” you nodded, reassuringly.

The drive to your destination was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Jongho was always careful not to pry when you weren’t feeling your best. He trusted you’d open up when you were ready, and every past experience had proven that to be true thus far. You glanced at the sign on the building with curiosity as Jongho parked the car.

“Axe throwing?” You asked, a smile playing at your lips

Jongho nodded. “I remember you talking about wanting to try it.”

“Ah, thank you!” You squealed, throwing your arms around him. He jumped at your sudden movement, bumping his elbow on the door with a small yelp. “Sorry, my bad.” You apologised, retracting while looking at him sympathetically.

Jongho laughed before leaning over to kiss your cheek. “All good, my love. Now, let’s go fuck up some wood!”

To your surprise, you were actually quite good. You managed to beat Jongho by a good ten points by the end of the game.

“Let me just run to the bathroom really quickly before we leave,” You said, indicating the bathroom door as you passed it near the exit of the building. Jongho reached his arm out, signaling for you to hand him your jacket so you wouldn’t have to drag the hefty monster in with you. You thanked him before making your way into the restroom.

You hated when rooms had the mirror directly in view when you walked in. You felt your body cringe at the sight of your reflection, but you forced it away. You made your trip quick, avoiding the mirror as you passed by it again to exit the bathroom.

Jongho’s smile immediately dropped upon seeing your face when you came out. If there’s one thing you were really bad at, it was hiding your feelings. They oozed out far too strongly in your body language.

“What happened?” He asked gently, passing back your jacket.

You sighed. “Let’s just talk at home, yeah?”

Quietly, he nodded, following behind you to the car. Just like the ride from home was silent, the ride back was the same. Except this time, the air felt much heavier. Jongho to caution to not push you when you got back into the house, simply taking a seat on the living room couch. He sipped patiently at the glass of water he’d left on the side table earlier whilst you two were getting ready.

A few minutes later, you sat down beside him, playing with your fingers. You started to pick at the skin of them nervously. Jongho noticed, deciding to softly take your hands into his to keep you from further harming yourself. Thankfully it hadn’t gotten too bad, but knowing about your past, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared of you relapsing. 

“Talk to me, love,” he said delicately. Upon his words, you began to cry, more than you expected yourself to. Jongho watched you with concern, rubbing his thumb over your palms in hopes to help calm you down. “Shhh,” he cooed, pulling you closer to him so he could wrap his arms around you, “I’m here. I’m here.”

“I-I,” you began, choking on your words, “I just felt so disgusting today. I didn’t feel good in anything, even the clothes you picked out for me. I’m sorry,” you sniffed. “I just feel so fucking ugly sometimes.”

“You've done nothing wrong, please don't apologize," he assured. "What is making you feel this way, darling?”

“I just wish…” you trailed off for a moment to breathe. “I just wish I was fucking normal. Why can’t I just feel like the body I was given? Why does my life have to be more complicated with these stupid fucking feelings? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

“I don’t hate my body,” you added, “but at the same time, I do. I either feel disgusted for what it is in general, or with the implications it comes with.”

“Love,” Jongho whispered, placing light kisses on your cheeks over where your tears lay, “you are the most beautiful human being I have ever come across. I am so, so sorry that you aren’t feeling that way right now. I know it’s difficult.”

“I wish I could see it that way, Jjongie,” you cried, “but right now, I can’t. How do you even love me, anyway? Looking like this. Being like this. I’m supposed to be a woman, right? Why don’t I feel that way then, hm? Why is my brain like this?”

“Your gender doesn’t change how I feel about you, my love.”

You wished Jongho’s words were getting through to you, but you were so caught up in your pain, you just kept overflowing with anger and ignoring them instead. “I do feel like a woman, but not all the time. Sometimes it feels right, other times so, so wrong. The same goes for any gender I experience. I just want to feel okay. Feel good in my skin. Is that so much to ask?”

Jongho shook his head, lifting your chin tenderly so you could look up at him. “Not at all.” He kissed you. “I may not understand everything you experience, but I do understand enough to know that it’s not easy, and I’m willing to do everything I can to help you feel safe, seen, and loved.”

You began to feel at ease, having released the feelings you had been harbouring all night and finally allowing Jongho’s words to reach you. Jongho knew about these things already. Hell, if it’s been five years already and he hasn’t left you, it’s safe to say he wasn’t going to. He truly loved you, deeper than you could ever imagine. You knew it, too, despite all of the lies your head would tell you at times.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” You asked, nuzzling yourself further into him. 

“Of course.”

When you awoke a few hours later, you found yourself in bed with Jongho spooning you. You took a deep breath, finally feeling okay. In his arms, you always did. “I love you, Jongho,” you whispered.

“Mmmm,” he stirred, lazily kissing your neck. “I love you the most.”

[sinofwriting]

Sex Positive - Charles Leclerc

Words: 2,470 Summary: Y/N goes on a podcast to talk about one thing and one thing only, sex. Note(s): NSFW just because this is just all sex talk, no actual sex, but it is the main topic of discussion. Part SMAU

Masterlist | Support Me!

“Y/N Y/L/N”

She smiles at the sound of her name, adjusting her headphones a bit until they finally seem to sit snug on her head.

“Welcome to the sex positive podcast.”

“Thank you for having me!”

“Thank you for coming on!” Elaine says. “When I reached out, I had hoped you would come on, but was shocked when you said yes.”

“I had to come on. We’ve known each other now for like two years?” Elaine nods at her words. “And yet despite that and this podcast doing so well, which by the way congrats on the new milestone. 250k is insane, and your profession we’ve never once talked about sex.”

“We have not.” Elaine laughs. “Probably because we also run into each other at events and dinners. Not the best place for me to ask how you feel about sex.”

“Well, I should tell you, I am coming on here to actually talk about how much I hate sex.” She says, ending her sentence with an eye roll, as she adjusts how she’s sitting, not even noticing her cardigan slip.

“Oh, yeah.” Elaine nods. “You hate sex.” She then nods to her left shoulder and her eyes drop and she lets out a laugh, seeing the love bites now exposed from the cardigan slipping.

“Like I said, I hate it.” She laughs.

“How is your relationship with sex? I mean, what has your experience been with it?”

She considers for a moment, “I’d say I have a good relationship with sex. It was never a topic that was shied away from when I was younger. My parents both gave me the talk, they made sure that I felt safe and comfortable to talk to them about it. They also never shied away from talking about how they had sex before they were adults, so if I did, they understood. All they asked was that I was safe.”

“And you think that’s helped?”

“Of course.” She nods. “I mean, I was sixteen when I had sex for the first time. Which was before all my friends and after that I was the one my girl friends came to for condoms and advice.”

“Was it good?”

She makes a face, “I mean, I think it was as good as two sixteen-year-olds having sex for the first time can be. A little awkward, some fumbling, finishing so quick.”

Elaine laughs, “Y’know that probably is as good as it can get.”

“Yeah.” She laughs.

“Were you like okay, I had sex this first time, I’ve experienced it, I’m good, or was it like me where you wanted to explore more.”

“Oh, I wanted to explore more. I didn’t have sex again for, I think like another two years. But I did so much self exploring. Just trying to see what I liked, what I was interested in, what I wasn’t interested in.”

“Porn?”

“Yes, there was quite a large amount of porn being watched. I read a lot of adult novels, guides, blogs, really just anything I could get my hands on.”

Elaine nods, tucking a leg underneath herself as she adjusts the microphone to be a little closer. “And this is something I’m curious about, how do you feel about porn? It’s something a lot of people are divided on, a lot of women especially.”

“I like porn. I enjoy it. Either just watching for pleasure or for research.” And she puts the last word in air quotes. “And please people listening or watching, if you see something you like in porn or are interested in, and this applies if you are reading something as well, look it up, read some guides and blog posts about it before doing it yourself. Just be safe.”

“Oh, please be safe. We have our own blog where we talk about different kinks, positions, various things and I urge you, along with everyone else who works on this podcast, to be safe with yourself and others.” Elaine says, addressing the camera before looking back at her. “So, you like porn.”

“Yes. Obviously not all porn is good, there are bad studios, there are overdone tropes, issues with the industry itself with it continuing to promote certain things because it earns them so much money. But I do enjoy it. It’s an industry that is always going to get criticized and hated and it deserves some of those criticisms without a doubt.”

“As a sex therapist, I do try to veer my clients away from porn, most of the time. And that’s mainly due to the acting of it. But it has its place in helping you learn and educate yourself. My issue is when people only look at porn and don’t look into things further.”

“Yeah, a hundred percent. It’s so important to not just take away things from porn but to take things away and expand on what you saw.” She nods.

“And of course I have to ask, what do you yourself like to watch in porn?”

“Hmm.” She thinks. “I think it depends on my mood. I think what I normally go for is something a little more rough. I’ve never really enjoyed watching people have like slow, gentle sex, not unless there’s something else there like overstimulation.”

“So, you like it rough?” Elaine asks.

She laughs, “Yes. It wasn’t something I had ever tried out before though until my current partner.”

“Really?”

She nods, “Really! I can admit that with my current partner, Charles, is where I’ve done a lot of exploring with someone else sexually. We’ve tried out many things.”

“Anything you guys didn’t like?”

“We don’t care for titles or honorifics.”

“You are crushing some dreams with that statement.”

“I know.” She laughs, well aware of the many tweets and things about wanting to call Charles daddy or sir. But it was just something that didn’t work for them in bed. The most was sometimes as a tease, she’d call him Mr. Leclerc and that was mainly to wind him up, not because the word itself was a turn on.

“What about things you’ve both enjoyed?”

“Oh, where to begin.” She teases, the both of them laughing. “Roleplay is one, bondage, edging, overstimulation. And I don’t consider this sex, but it is something we both enjoy a lot, cock warming.”

“That is quite the list.”

“Oh, just the tip of the iceberg.”

“Talk me through some of it. Bondage?”

“Yes. This was something we both had come into the relationship having never done before and wanting to do. We have the actual like rope you're supposed to use for when we do it, though sometimes we have used other things.”

Elaine shakes her head, grinning. “Of course you two have. I feel like if I see you two together, you’re always attached.”

“Pretty much. We both enjoy touch and Charles, despite all the interest in his personal life and how much already is exposed to the public, doesn't mind holding my hand or hugging or kissing me while in public.”

“Was that a worry of yours?” Elaine asks.

“Absolutely.” She nods, fingers interlacing. “I knew he’d at least, when I went to my first race, that he’d hold my hand, but I figured that might be it. And I didn’t want to bring it up since me going to Baku was so last minute for the both of us.”

“I’ve seen photos from that race and I would have never guessed that it was a last minute decision or that you two hadn’t talked about that yet.”

“Yeah, I got on a plane and was there by 11pm on Wednesday night, and the plane tickets had gotten bought maybe six hours before the plane took off. Charles had to send a photo of my ID to the front desk and had a spare key for me waiting since he had to be asleep already.”

“And then the next day, I mean you guys were very loved up.”

She grins, “we very much were. I think Charles knew I was nervous. We hadn’t officially been spotted together and he’s such a comforting person, very calming, so it was easy to not feel anxious with him holding me and pressing a kiss to my cheek every few minutes as y’know a bunch of people were taking photos of me and I’m being introduced to about a hundred people.”

“Which is overwhelming to say the least.”

“So overwhelming.” She nods.

“Though you might’ve liked that, since you’ve brought up overstimulation a few times.”

Her hands come up to hide her face, laughing into them, before they fall back into her lap. “I’d apologize, but I like what I like.”

“So it’s you being overstimulated.”

“Oh, absolutely. I find it very enjoyable.”

“I’ve never actually really talked about overstimulation, what is that you like about it? That you find to be enjoyable?”

“It’s the near constant feeling of too much, it’s so much pleasure just back to back, and everything depending on how you're doing it, can feel just like raw? And exposed? And you don’t think you can orgasm one more time, you just can’t again, but then you can and it feels at least in my experience just so good and then you do it again and again, and every time the pleasure of it just washing over you is even more and more and it’s the only thing you can focus on, everything else just fades away.”

“You make me want to try it.” Elaine laughs.

—

Charles’ head immediately perks up when he hears the hotel door open. “Chérie! How was the podcast?”

She smiles, setting her bag down, before moving over to the couch where Charles is sitting and happily sitting in his lap before Charles can pull her down. “It was good.” She finally says after kissing him.

He hums, “How good?”

She thinks, playfully humming as her fingers run through his hair. “Very good. I think your fans will want to kill me and so will Ferrari.”

He frowns, arms tightening around her. “Ferrari knows that you are allowed to do as you’d like. It is not like with,” He stops himself.

“I know, Charles.” She soothes. “But, they will be upset with me considering me talking about my sex life is talking about your sex life.”

He huffs, obviously not liking it, but he hopes that the podcast will do well, be received well, so at least Ferrari will be forced to accept it because fans like it.

“Did you mention me?”

Her eyebrow raises, “No. I want on a podcast to talk about my sex life so you obviously didn’t come up.”

He pouts at the tease and she can’t resist pressing a kiss to his pouty lips.

“Yes, I mentioned you. Multiple times and by name.”

He hums, moving his hands under her cardigan and top. “What did you say?”

“That we’ve done a lot of things together. That we like certain things.”

When she had accepted the invite it was only after a long talk with Charles, one she had to force, to go over what she could and couldn’t mention. Charles had been fine with her mentioning whatever she wanted. Uncaring that it would be out for the world to see, his colleagues, friends, and even family if for some reason they decided to click on it. He had stuck by that after their talk, though had asked her to keep most of the details of their roleplay and their love of rough sex to a minimum.

And it had been easy to not talk about what kind of roleplay they did and while rough sex had been mentioned twice, they were brief, just establishing her love of it.

“It did make me want to roleplay our favorite thing again.”

His eyes light up at her words.

It wasn’t often something they did, their favorite roleplay scenario, not when it required her to be in a certain headspace to really work, but she wants and craves it so much.

“You want to be my innocent little girl?” His voice has a bit of rasp, his fingers resting on her back, stretching out.

“Yes.” She breathes.

He leans forward, giving her a hungry kiss, his and her last chance to lose control, before pulling away. “Go get ready for me, bébé. I’ll find a place to have dinner.”

---

[xblackkurox]

Nanami Kento breeding his wife. nsfw, mdni!

Some thoughts that keep me entertained at work lmao, so might be full of mistakes. English is not my first language and all that yk.

Couldn't stand the thought of not having any smut of this man in my page since he is the love of my life.

His cock drills into your cunt, again and again, in and out, in and out. His tip kisses your cervix with each single slam of his hips, legs folded so your knees press against your boobs.

Kento has you in the meanest matting press, big hands pressing at the back of your full thighs surely leaving red or even purple marks.

"Don't see you laughing anymore, pretty. What happened?" And no, you're not laughing, fat tears stream down your flushed cheeks instead.

"Fuck- look at that mmmphf!" He groans, narrow eyes zeroing in how his girth is being sucked in by your cunt. A ring of cum, both his and yours, on the base of his dick, each time he bottoms out it sticks messily to your folds. It's so lewd, even your mound and his pubis are stained with it.

"Hah- gonna stuff this soft tummy full of my cum, hmm? Get my pretty wife pregnant. Isn't that what you wanted?"

It had all started earlier that afternoon, while he was at work. You had attempted to pull one of your little pranks on him, sending a picture of a fake positive pregnancy test. Little did you know that your husband had been having a sever case of baby fever and that had been his last straw.

He had felt joyful, completely thrilled for becoming a dad, or that was until you sent another message. Laughing it off, saying it was just a joke.

Well, he had a mission now. He was going to put a baby inside you, so next time that positive wouldn't be a little prank of yours, but a real one.

It's been two hours since he got home from work, two hours of him pulling orgasm after orgasm out of you and himself. And still his cock was hard and twitching inside you. Hitting that spot within that made you see sparks behind your eyelids, stretching you to full capacity.

"K-kentooooo..." You whine. Hot and fresh tears spilling from your eyes, rolling down your flushed cheeks until you can taste the salty flavor on your lips. "Can't- can't take it anymore-!"

"Hmm? But you're about to cum... Lying again?" And he is right, he can see it in how your toes are curling, feel it in how you grip his cock from the inside. He knows when his wife is about to orgasm.

And just to proof his point one of his hands uncurls from your ankle. Gold and cold wedding ring caressing your folds, right above where he's pounding you. He caresses from down to up a couple times, getting the alliance stained with your juices before replacing it by his thumb. He flickers your clit, slowly but with pressure. And when you mewl he laughs.

"See? She never lies." And he's referring to your pussy. "Come on, give it to me baby- ah! You can do it- can fucking do it my love!"

That's all it takes, his raspy moany voice cooing you to cum. How could you disobey? Of course the moment those words spill his mouth you're creaming his dick again. Shaking and whimpering so adorably, making his heart flutter. Oh, he can't wait to see you all plump and round with his child.

Kento is peppering you soaked face with butterfly kisses, on your nose, on your cheeks, on your eyelids. And of course on your glossy lips. His whole weight now pinning you down on the mattress.

"There you go, so good so so sooo good for me- my wife mmmphf-!" He's gonna cum too, his hips are getting more erratic, more sloppy, more feral. "Gonna cum, my love. Gonna put my baby in you, yes? Make you my beautiful pregnant wife- fuckfuck- you're gonna look so b-beautiful... I love you sooo much-" He's ranting, praises spilling through clenched teeth as if they were curses. In between small pecks here and there.

He cums right after, stilling his body as he buries his girth to the hilt. Rope after rope of hot seed right into your womb. And of course he doesn't pull out after no, he remains inside you. Not allowing one single drop going to waste.

He's gotta breed you afterall, right?