#what if im bad at it 🧍
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i miss studying film
#but i dont want to do a masters degree#i want to be a film archivist#which means im done studying film via university#and will study an archivist course for two semesters#which im excited about#but its also scary#i studied film because i love it and i loved writing my bachelors essay and i love film theory and film history#the archivist courses aren’t like that. 🧍#what if im bad at it 🧍#they’re not film archivist courses#so what if. i can’t get into it#but i want it so bad#AAAAAAA#having goals and trying to achieve them is scary :(#but it makes me so emotional thinking about possibly becoming a pretentious film archivist in the future#its literally. all i want#AAAAAA#lowkey wish i could rewrite my bachelors degree essay.#it slapped#but im also smarter now.
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how it started:
one ren peeing twaddle conversation later:
#ria.txt#💀💀💀#this isn't even including the 'blimey ren i'm worried for you'#me at the start of the stream: funny how ren calls him unlucky with the ladies when 70% of his fans are down bad for him#me in tears in the middle of the stream: with all respect i understand now.#false's chats are environmental storytelling#also the way she came back and was like 'what happened' and then the pee convo and she left 💀#and ren said he scared her away 💀#its so funny how it started out as like :) yeah i'll help you with vh. lets discuss british biscuits. whats a rusk.#and then: its vulnerable when i eat with someone. and then the pee convo#normal ren stream trajectory but its stillllllllll so fucking funny#false at the start 'don't leave me alone 🥺'#false at the end 'bye im never seeing you again'#false and doc next time they meet up with ren irl: 🧍🧍#nooooooo bc why did he have to talk abt All Of That with two ppl he met irl and has prob ate with#ren's mods are the real heroes of the story#AT LEAST THE RUSK DESCRIPTION WAS NORMAL.#fuck it. im tagging ren#rendog#the rd difference#pogsupremacy
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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me
#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life#I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever#my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified#and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn#in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc#don’t get me started with math#I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did#(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class#throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe#to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah#like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think#I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late#without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car#anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related#adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of#when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc#depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress#I’m not sure why im making this post#kibumblabs
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope
#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad#but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to#its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j#like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal#but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip#(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA#ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people#LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny#like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood#without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now#for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why#like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ#you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially#whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not#ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing#but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u#i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#malistaire drake
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Id let this man fucking RUIN me in like 2 years after i know i can fully fully trust him🧍🏽♀️
#lmfao#i alr feel bad that ive held his hand snd he might just LEAVE ME#like slow down there pal marry me before holding my hand what the fuck#🧍🏽♀️#i have abandonment problems#im joming befote someone takes this seriously
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i feel so silly being anxious about my ENT appointment at 930 🥴
#it's a new place new doctor so obvs im stressed#but the dr being a man 🥴🥴 it was a referral so i can't choose 🥴🥴#i think i feel especially stressed bc i have 3 issues i need to talk about and im worried he's gonna get annoyed / brush them off#i've seen an ENT about 1 of these issues back in 2012 and welp my dumb ass didn't bully my parents into letting me get the surgery so#i've been struggling w this shit all this time also i meant 2013 🧍🏽♀️#the other issues are my jaw popping painfully ever since july +#what the hell was the other one#fuck this is why i spent 2 hours writing shit down my memory is so SHIT#throat pain#really bad throat pain that hasn't fucked off since july 2023#it hurts to talk n i haven't been able to sing since last summer. what if i just [rembers no say the thing because Bad] Shit myself#that one appointment in june when i couldn't see my usual doctor and i had to see this other lady this mfer said wELL i dUnNo It'S nOt LiKe#i CAn diAgnOsE yOu wITh a cHronIc SorE ThRoaT hEh#annoying ass doctor no wonder my usual doctor is always booked#pls universe pls let this doctor b a decent person who actually tries 2 help mee#🥴🥴🥴🥴#221am goodbye#scarlett.txt#negative /#WHINYYYYYYY#god i always worry i sound like a paranoid hypochondriac at the doctor's but my body really is like this Please#ugh i still have at least 3 more appointments at 3 new places this year#eye and dermatologist in dec and the other thing once i get off my ass and send in that packet#at least i don't have my monthly follow up w my pcp anymore..#unrelated but i need to buy some new masks in black#and a cardigan#okay that really had nothijgnto do with anything stfu scarlett
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i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was
#i think it's mostly bc i thought mean girls was like. an okay movie. a fine movie? i think i liked it#but like. i saw it once. i have no nostalgia for it bc i saw it way later/not when it originally came out#and god the way people are so into it. i mean that is great like i dont wanna be a hater for people enjoying things#but me personally. i do not understand why it's a cult classic or whatever klsjfkdlsfj i hear people quote it all the time and im like. 🧍#so having those quotes i already dont care about re contextualized to try to sell me walmart. god. the worst experience jkfsdjfklJFDKLSJF#tbh maybe it woudlve been worse if i liked the movie but i saw comments saying those commercials were funny so WHATEVER#i feel like it's also the same w/like. vocaloid kfsjdflksjgh like i dont dislike it!! i enjoy some songs#but i never had a vocaloid phase when i was younger. i feel so very neutral about miku#ppl on the internet feel so strongly positive and again thats great and i objectively get it#ive been shown vocaloid songs and some are really catchy#but it is one of those instances where im like man. a level of hype i dont fully understand LOL#miku vocaloid stuff is at least endearing tho. i get.... tired... w/mean girls quotes......... ksljfsljfl#It's Always The Same Ones and i just dont think theyre very funny FKJLDSJFDKLSJF maybe i am a hater damn#jk i do think i liked the movie? god i dont remember i watched it like. i dont even know when. college at the earliest i think#but whatever thats just a case of people having different interests just cuz i didnt care about a thing doesnt man its bad other ppl like i#also tho i think bc the mean girls overquoted bits remind me of like. rae dunn ceramics LOL jkfskfjsekht#or like idk live laugh love stuff. yknow like. dont talk to me until ive had my coffee has same energy as on wednesdays we wear pink. to me#it's facebook wine mom humor.... bc it is people roughly my age that were/are really into it and they are now mom age i guess lwpfhewhfp#god i need to go to bed im tired and it's making me a cranky complainer about stuff that doesnt matter!!!!#went 2 my dash in a dif tab and immediately saw a miku post is she gonna get me for not having strong feelings about her#im sorry miku i just . i dont get it JKFLJDSKLFJKSLD#ur music is fun i just dont proportionately understand. i feel like im missing context w/this one girl maybe thats my bad idk#or maybe it's just i found u too late idk. i will jam to the bops tho#that endless/everlasting/whatever nights thing w/like the 4 alt storyline songs is soooo fun i love those#dont ask me the names of the ppl in them tho i dont fuckin know besides like. 3 of them. one is miku LOL#and those yellow twin kids. len and ren. or rin? len and rin? i dont remember and i dont care enough to look it up sorry small children#theres that blue haired guy that was in the one prsk route i played but i forgot his name again#i dont know if hes in those songs i was talkin about tho i only remember what he looks like in his youthful wonderland alt loll#i talk in the tags bc i get scared it feels safe in my burrow here underground#also im calling mean girls mid and saying i dont have miku hype so i feel like that does warrant going into hiding
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i shouldve studied something else i should’ve done stem
#GUUUUUYYYSSSUUAUAUUUHGGAHUHGHH#i am so so so dumb and stupid truly i can feel like brain smoothing as the seconds pass#i feel like i’m gonna die someday and they’re gonna take my brain out and it’s gonna look like a bowling ball bc of how smooth it is AUUAUGH#yesterday a girl at this party asked me what my major was and i said gd and she was like ‘do you love it?!’ and i just 😃☝🏼🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍#GGAAAAHHWHHHHUHHHHHUH I DOOO I LOVE IT I THINK BUT IM SO SCAAARREDD I FEEL LIKE IM BAADDDDDD AND IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE IT TTTT#I DONT LIKE BEING BAAADDDUUUHAHGHGHIHGH HOW HARD CAN IT BE.#AND I LOVE SCIENCE SO MUCUUUUCH BUT MY BRAIN HAS SMOOTHED BEYOND REPAIR I KNWO I WOULD BE BAD#BUT IF I STARTED OUT DOING IT MAYBE I WOULDNT BE SO BAD. AUUGGHH#maybe my smooth brain would not be so smooth. god. i love science#i loved biology i loved oceanography i LOOOVE CHEMISTRY AUUGH#and if covid don’t happen i would’ve taken physics and probably hated it but maybe i wouldn’t and maybe i would like astrophysics#and maybe i would go to space. covid ruined my chances of going to space and turning my brain smooth#whatever whatever whatever i like being an artist it’s fine i love being a graphic designer i love being an illustrator i love it#it would just be very very nice if i didn’t feel dumber than everyone around me all the time when having conversations#and it would be nice to not be. so so scared of my job all the time#whatever whatever#sorry#🌙.txt#i love science#my high school chemistry teacher also redacted after i graduated an do liked him a lot so that makes me miss chemistry even more. WHATEVER#sorry i’m done
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myeyes and head have been in pain all day howis everyone tonite
#crying akways makes my scalp area hurt so bad i fuckinghate it (dont ask what happened#Im trying to draw but my fucking.eyes AAAUGHHHHHAUGHHHHH#Ineed painkillers idokt know if we have any 🧍
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watching home decorating vids on youtube nd this girl whips out the anime figures... god maybe im just getting old (im not) but thank godddd i could never rly afford anime merch 😭😭 its so tacky... like i have a few video game posters nd amiibos nd stuff and im worried that theyll be difficult to display, but animes on a whole different level kgkdjjdkfk
#like im genuinely worried abt what to do w my video game posters?? do i have to frame these bad boys or what#yet the young ikea girlies (who are still older than me🧍) are making plain white rooms where the focal point is anime figures bc thats the#only colour in the entire room. which i used to think thatd be fine but im actively cringing watching ppl put these anime figures out
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I know it makes sense cuz duh, twitter's in the name, but boysplanet-twitter really is the place where taste dies
#🧍yall cmon....#and theyre so Shady for WHAT. girlies will side eye an imaginary lad for supporting a Dozen while having one in their pfp‼️#makes me spite vote for their most hated contestants fr#'u guys r voting for x UNDESERVING guy when MY one should have UR vote he DESERVES IT' well fuck you lol im voting daeul again‼️‼️#'we HAVE to make this final lineup GOOD' we have to make it suck itd be funnier#lets all vote for the shit guys tje look on mnet's face will be priceless#then its my fault for even going to twitter but i didnt chose to see boy planet content there the alg just puts it under my eyes cyz#i made the mistake of joining ppl who were once bitching abt the girls who r so vocal about how chiu n my klorbo are alledged lookalikes#not theyre NAWT lmao‼️#coming in like 'i agree they dont look alike' setting myself up to seeing the WORST takes ever formulated later#anyway daeul sweep#also its very clear that despite whzt their self righteous words say in opposing themselves against the 'ur just voting for visual'#they r HELLA basing their standard on it too#cuz like im a junhyeoner but he did NOT do well on the K vs G stage lmao#'their stage was ok' it was NAWT n i can say in unbiased words cuz half the team there is my top9s fjdjsjsjsjdjdj#i was gritting my teeths bro 'haha its not. so. so bad haha' < with tears in my eyes#but theyre collectively good looking aint they 🤨 weird‼️#just like how they'll last five seconds hating on jay before calling him ugly lmao u guys are TRANSPARENT#they can hate on him all tbey want doesnt change that he's The vocalist of the season oh well
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I'm like "oh I love character design character design is my passion!!!" until I have to choose colors
#fuck colors all my homies hate colors#im so bad at it 😭#cause its like ok i have the values#i know what i want to highlight#i have color meanings#but putting them togethrr is so 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#and the best part is i cant even decide on what color fits riku best 🧍#do i got blue purple red something eles idfk 😭#yeah this is me redesigning his thief outfit AGAIN lmao#but i actually think its ready this time#the only thing is i took heavy inspiration from dm€#<dont want it to show up in tags#and its really annoying me 😿 the vibes fit riku so well but i dont want people to go “oh so hes cosplaying dante or nero lol”#ots like no the swag just fits him and it ties in with pimpernels shape language so well#i would love a second opinion but im way too cowardly to ask anyone 😿 because i dont want to bother or annoy em 😿#sorry to be all woe is me ill get it through it lmao
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feelings are so complex
#its funny in a way yk#because like on one end of the spectrum theres this person that was supposed to be my best frien#but she ended up manipulating me and doing some really shitty things and will be all nice to my face but talk shit behind my back#and honestly she can be a terrible horrible person and has hurt another close friend of mine really badly#and i want to hate her so badly#and i think part of me does hate her because being around her now just drains me of my energy and i suck at being fake about people#but at the same time i loved her at one point bc she was my best friend and i cant just let that go??#and she's going through a lot so i just feel sad for her#so like i cant hate her if im sympathetic and its just weird idk man#i want to hate her but i cant#like i feel awful ab the shit she's going thru but that doesnt excuse the crappy human being she's being but i feel like a bad person#holding her accountable for that bc of how much she's going thru and like why why WHY is it like this why is it not in black n white#then on the other end of the spectrum there are feelings that like im kind of terrified off but like#i underestimated just how easily those type of feelings can blossom#is this me talking about the L word? yes. 🧍🏻♀️#i thought that falling in love per se would be like. way more work way more time etc etc#but apparently not? its oddly simply? but at the same time admitting it is like oh okay what#and therefore its like u gotta take time to figure yourself and it out and then like#like you dont really realize it until you're standing in the midst of it#man i dont even know what this post is lmfao 😭 i quite frankly dont even know what im saying right now i am just putting my thoughts out#into the abyss because i gotta put it somewhere#goodbye and goodnight now#brooke rambles
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just saw a mike and nancy edit to if we have each other by alec benjamin . i'm not feeling the love in this chiles tonight
#it's that one verse you know what i'm talking ab#and i'm 23 and my folks are getting old i know they don't have forever and im scared to be alone and im thankful for my sister even tho#sometimes we fight when high school wasn't easy she's the reason i survived and i know she'd never leave me and i hate to see her cry so i#wrote this verse to tell her that i'm always by her side i wrote this verse to tell her that#the worlds not perfect but it's not that bad if we have each other and that's all we have#i'll be your brother and i'll hold your hand#you should know i'll be there for you#when the worlds not perfect when the worlds not kind of we have each other then we'll both be fine#i'll be your brother and i'll hold your hand you should know i'll be there for you#sorry why do i know all that🧍🏽🧍🏽#i used to love his songs when i was in middle school 😭😭 and elementary actually
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Make a session or something for messages if you miss them 👀?
No id rather just be able to dm normally. I also think session is a breeding ground for pedos these days i dont wanna yse that
#literally every minor ive seen on here and every pedonive seen on here have had session pinned or in bio#im not saying everyone who uses it is bad ofcourse not#but i just think theres a reason some ppl use it for its extremely private um idk the word to finish my sentence🧍🏽♀️#oh no hate to u anon i justnwent on a tangent#i know what u mean like i can use a different app to message but id rather it be all on tumbpr#ppl can send asks or something for now <3
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