#what if Vi actually wanted her friend there and that bled to his own thoughts?

[justascrollingghost]

EVERYBODY CALM THE FUCK DOWN I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT ONYX STORM

We’ve been so focused on Xaden that actually I think we’ve missed a key point here.. what if.. just what if.. Xaden wasn’t just reading Violet’s thoughts but she was also projecting them directly into his head? What if Violet’s 2nd signet is more than we think and have been told? What if she can just straight up enter your head and influence you but once again her signet is untrained and she doesn’t know how to use it. Her lightning isn’t lightning it’s pure power but lightning is the way she’s comfortable using it. Maybe this second signet is something that comes out in dreams because that’s how she’s comfortable using it but it’s not actually restricted to them.. just a thought🤷🏻‍♀️😏

[vivacissimx]

Jon's bastard identity & it's ripples through House Stark

Wanted to make a post about Jon's bastard identity and how it informed his close relationships with his family but halfway through realized it wasn't actually about Jon—it was about Catelyn.

There is generally a split in consideration when we talk about Jon and the starklings (familial love), Jon and Catelyn (mutual disdain), and Catelyn and the starklings (parental/filial love) when in reality, Cat's feelings towards Jon bled into her relationships with her own children. Conversations about mothers in ASOIAF are sort of prickly because, well, we don't have many and Catelyn is the only POV mom we can really name a "good mother" (in my view Cersei's most impressive and meaningful foil is ADWD Daenerys but her and Catelyn share enough space/thoughts of each other that they should also be considered so).

Her relationship with Jon isn't really about Jon personally, it's about what he represents; it's about Catelyn lingering discomfort and alienation in the North

Catelyn had never liked this godswood

-AGOT, Catelyn I

When the wars were over at last, and Catelyn rode to Winterfell, Jon and his wet nurse had already taken up residence. That cut deep.

-AGOT, Catelyn II

It's about her protective love for her children and her legacy

Benjen Stark was a Sworn Brother. Jon would be a son to him, the child he would never have. And in time the boy would take the oath as well. He would father no sons who might someday contest with Catelyn's own grandchildren for Winterfell.

-AGOT, Catelyn II

[Also the implication that Benjen would become Jon's father in replacement for Ned? Loads to unpack.]

It's also about a certain sort of idealism that Catelyn espouses, and yes, even a certain trace of selfishness within that, that her actions being understandable from her own position justifies them. Even when those actions constitute a breach, they deserve nuance, which requires a level of understanding she wasn't able to show Jon Snow.

I have always done my duty, she thought. Perhaps that was why her lord father had always cherished her best of all his children. [...] I gave Brandon my favor to wear, and never comforted Petyr once after he was wounded, nor bid him farewell when Father sent him off. And when Brandon was murdered and Father told me I must wed his brother, I did so gladly, though I never saw Ned's face until our wedding day. I gave my maidenhood to this solemn stranger and sent him off to his war and his king and the woman who bore him his bastard, because I always did my duty.

-ACOK, Catelyn VI

Is this my punishment for opposing him about Jon Snow? Or for being a woman, and worse, a mother? It took her a moment to realize that they were all watching her. They had known, she realized. Catelyn should not have been surprised. She had won no friends by freeing the Kingslayer, and more than once she had heard the Greatjon say that women had no place on a battlefield.

-ASOS, Catelyn V

Read: Catelyn was rewarded for being dutiful at a formative age, with the love of her father. Catelyn was dutiful to Ned and this pained her re: Jon and that pain festered for fifteen years. Later in this POV, she pries Cleos Frey for information on Sansa. Her next POV, Bran and Rickon are the final straw before she frees Jaime—Catelyn is knowingly spurring her "duty" to follow Robb's commands.

Read: Catelyn should not have been surprised, understanding that her actions caused controversy, and yet she was.

Ok, now onto the starklings.

Catelyn's treatment of Jon informs Robb's understanding of bastards as much as Ned's sense of honor does. This is very much a domino in Robb's (fatal) choice to marry Jeyne Westerling.

That morning he called it first. "I'm Lord of Winterfell!" he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, "You can't be Lord of Winterfell, you're bastard-born. My lady mother says you can't ever be the Lord of Winterfell."

-ASOS, Jon XII

Robb knew something was wrong. "My mother …"

"She was … very kind," Jon told him.

Robb looked relieved.

-AGOT, Jon II

And she was with me when the Greatjon brought me the news of . . . of Winterfell. Bran and Rickon." He seemed to have trouble saying his brothers' names. "That night, she. . . she comforted me, Mother."

Catelyn did not need to be told what sort of comfort Jeyne Westerling had offered her son. "And you wed her the next day."

He looked her in the eyes, proud and miserable all at once. "It was the only honorable thing to do. She's gentle and sweet, Mother, she will make me a good wife."

-ASOS, Catelyn II

Contrast that with these Jon lines:

Jon trembled. "I will never father a bastard," he said carefully. "Never!" He spat it out like venom.

-AGOT, Jon I

He had never truly been a Stark, only Lord Eddard's motherless bastard, with no more place at Winterfell than Theon Greyjoy. And even that he'd lost.

-ASOS, Jon III

Jon angsts over how he grew up with Robb and yet they'll lead such different lives; on the flip side, Robb angsts over how he could possibly subject another child to the most painful parts of Jon's life—nameless, at times scorned even within his own home.

I'm not attempting to put blame on Catelyn's shoulders for anything, these are all just pieces of a puzzle that made Robb into who he was, that guided his choices, and that moved the story. What I am saying is that Catelyn's treatment of Jon was not isolated, it was plain and painful to her biological children, and that this caused friction between them all.

"Jon would never harm a son of mine."

"No more than Theon Greyjoy would harm Bran or Rickon?"

Grey Wind leapt up atop King Tristifer's crypt, his teeth bared. Robb's own face was cold. "That is as cruel as it is unfair. Jon is no Theon."

"So you pray. Have you considered your sisters? What of their rights? I agree that the north must not be permitted to pass to the Imp, but what of Arya? By law, she comes after Sansa. . . your own sister, trueborn. . ."

-ASOS, Catelyn V

Which brings me to Sansa.

In a twist for the daughter that values legitimacy more than the rest of her siblings (Sansa, who never called him anything but "my half brother" since she was old enough to understand what bastard meant), Sansa is bastardized two times over. Once when Robb removes her from her from the Stark succession, and twice when she becomes Alayne Stone.

"Natural?" Sansa was aghast. "You mean, a bastard?"

-ASOS, Sansa VI

Alayne wondered what Mya made of Ser Lothor. With his squashed nose, square jaw, and nap of woolly grey hair, Brune could not be called comely, but he was not ugly either. It is a common face but an honest one. Though he had risen to knighthood, Ser Lothor's birth had been very low. [...] Petyr says he's loyal. He trusts him as much as he trusts anyone. Brune would be a good match for a bastard girl like Mya Stone, she thought.

-AFFC, Alayne II

I want to stress that this isn't thought unkindly. Sansa pragmatically believes this, she doesn't dislike either Mya or Lothor Brune, but she is being a certain type of realistic. It would make sense to her that Mya, not a virgin, bastard-born, would take for a partner this seemingly nice guy twice her age. It's a match that makes sense to Sansa.

"It won't be so bad, Sansa," Arya said. "We're going to sail on a galley. It will be an adventure, and then we'll be with Bran and Robb again, and Old Nan and Hodor and the rest." She touched her on the arm.

"Hodor!" Sansa yelled. "You ought to marry Hodor, you're just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!"

-AGOT, Sansa III

It would have been easier if Arya had been a bastard, like their half brother Jon. She even looked like Jon, with the long face and brown hair of the Starks, and nothing of their lady mother in her face or her coloring. And Jon's mother had been common, or so people whispered. Once, when she was littler, Sansa had even asked Mother if perhaps there hadn't been some mistake. Perhaps the grumkins had stolen her real sister.

-AGOT, Sansa I

This isn't about playing sisters against each other, it's just to show Alayne's thoughts on Mya are a graduation of the same general attitude Sansa's had from childhood. It's the hinge on which Sansa and Arya's relationship becomes so sour, a souring that leaves both girls isolated in the Red Keep, and results in them taking actions that lead them on very different roads. The lone wolf dies but the pack survives.

Arya is the place where Catelyn's relationship with Jon really comes back to bite, though.

They had always been close. Jon had their father's face, as she did. They were the only ones. Robb and Sansa and Bran and even little Rickon all took after the Tullys, with easy smiles and fire in their hair. When Arya had been little, she had been afraid that meant that she was a bastard too. It had been Jon she had gone to in her fear, and Jon who had reassured her.

-AGOT, Arya I

Why is Arya afraid of being a bastard? Jon gets to learn at Maester Luwin's table and train with Ser Rodrik's swords and fish with Bran and Jory just like Robb does. What's there to fear?

The fear comes from one place, and that fear doesn't soon leave her.

"Well," Arya said, "my hair's messy and my nails are dirty and my feet are all hard." Robb wouldn't care about that, probably, but her mother would. Lady Catelyn always wanted her to be like Sansa, to sing and dance and sew and mind her courtesies. Just thinking of it made Arya try to comb her hair with her fingers, but it was all tangles and mats, and all she did was tear some out.

-ASOS, Arya VII

Maybe I should go to the Wall instead of Riverrun. Jon wouldn't care who I killed or whether I brushed my hair. . .

-ASOS, Arya VII

Actually Catelyn wants Arya back so damn bad she freed their God-tier hostage on the vague whiff of hope Arya was still alive but this isn't about what Catelyn really wants, it's about what Arya believes + what those beliefs are founded on. Jon's difference from Catelyn's kids lies most superficially in the way he looks, and Arya looks like him. Arya takes this "exclusion → exclusion based on appearance → I appear that way" fear personally to the point that she thinks she looks like a bastard.

It's because of this fear that she can't fathom that her mother would accept her unconditionally.

To Robb, bastardry symbolizes a stain on a legacy. To Sansa, it's shame. To Arya, it's about acceptance. All three of these are rooted in what they internalized as kids: Jon is a bastard and regardless of his place in Winterfell/their family, that makes him less.

I want to touch on the part of this that is about Jon, for a sec. Bastards are common and attitudes on them vary—although plenty of smallfolk are born of unwed parents, noble bastards represent something more, because nobility claims to espouse higher ideals like fidelity. Mance Rayder is born of a Black Brother & a wildling, yet he calls Jon a bastard (derogatory) fiftyleven times. Some bastards are scorned, some are loved, some are uninterested in their origins. There are bastards who possibly stand to inherit, like Jonos Bracken's, and there are mothers who don't want their husband's bastards in their homes, like Donella Hornwood with Larence Snow.

But in ADWD when Jon is most vulnerable & alone, he starts to calls himself a bastard to harden his resolve.

"I am almost a man grown," Jon protested. "I will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children."

-AGOT, Jon I

Kill the boy, Jon thought. The boy in you, and the one in him. Kill the both of them, you bloody bastard. "You have no father. Only brothers.

-ADWD, Jon II

The Vale of Arryn was famously fertile and had gone untouched during the fighting. Jon wondered how Lady Catelyn's sister would feel about feeding Ned Stark's bastard. As a boy, he often felt as if the lady grudged him every bite.

-ADWD, Jon IV

"Arya." His voice was hoarse. "My half-sister, truly…"

"…for you are bastard born. I had not forgotten. I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her. Coming here, to you. A girl in grey on a dying horse, I have seen it plain as day. It has not happened yet, but it will."

-ADWD, Jon VI

"My name is Snow."

"Bastard."

"Guilty. Of that, at least."

-ADWD, Jon X

Not to put too fine a point on it but he's literally called... Lord Snow.

"Don't call me Lord Snow."

-AGOT, Jon III

"BOY! YOU THERE! BOY!" [...] He ignored it.

"Snow," the voice insisted, "Lord Commander."

This time he stopped. "Ser?"

-ADWD, Jon I

What I want to say here is that Jon weaponizes his bastard identity against himself only because it's been weaponized against him and worked. It's self-flagellation. That legacy is deep inside of him and it was never even about him to Catelyn.

But it's a double-edged sword, because Jon's differentiation as a bastard didn't only affect him. Home interprets heaven. When Lady Catelyn crafted a home (so intentionally warm and loving for her children) that was dismissive to Jon, it wasn't only the two of them in that home. It wasn't only Jon who learned that children can be anathema, and it isn't only Jon who carries that weight.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Parallels | Chapter 20

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Characters: OC! Violet Grace Dawson, Luke Patterson, Julie Molina, Carrie Wilson, Bobby Wilson, Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, Flynn nolastname, Willie nolastname, Nick Danforth-Evans, Dirty Candy 

Guideline: Sunset Universe is the universe in which Sunset Curve is famous and Violet is friends with Carrie, Julie and Flynn. Candy Universe is the universe in which Dirty Candy is more famous and Sunset Curve has broken up. 

Song(s) used: Perfect Harmony - Julie and The Phantoms

Warnings: Bit of cursing

Words:  2,777

The knock on Alex’s door startled him a little. He was getting ready for the day, not expecting anyone to knock on his door before nine in the morning. None of the boys were ever up that early. 

“Come in?” he called, making it sound more like a question than a command. 

The door slowly inched open, revealing a shy-looking Violet in the doorway. He wasn’t used to this version of Violet. He’d befriended the confident, sassy version of her. The one that just barged into rooms, owning her place on this earth. 

“Vi, hey!” he greeted, a little surprised to see her there. 

She chuckled slightly, nervously fiddling with her handbag. “I don’t know why I’m here, but something told me this morning that I should come and have a chat with you…” 

Alex’s head tilted slightly. 

“I had a dream about us talking about a song you wrote. It felt more like a memory than a dream, so I felt like I should… I don’t know… Come and talk to you?” 

A chuckle erupted out of Alex. “I had a conversation with Violet before she left. I showed her a song I wrote.” He turned to his nightstand and grabbed the notebook he had left on it. Opening it on the right page, he showed it to Violet. 

Something inside her shifted. She hadn’t worked on any music since getting back, but she felt as though Alex did need her help a little, as though he was asking her for some help. With more than just the song. 

Her eyes skidded across the page. She could feel the hurt and melancholy seep off the page. She could only imagine what it would sound like with the music added to it. 

“You should show this to the boys,” she whispered, amazed by the power this song held. 

Alex shook his head. “I don’t think so. Not today, at least. Our manager is coming over soon for a meeting.” 

“All the more reason to show them!” Violet exclaimed excitedly. This was the most joy she had felt since returning to this universe. “I know what this song is about, Alex. I know about Willie…” 

The mention of the boy’s name caused Alex’ head to snap up in surprise. “How do you know about Willie?” 

“You guys are actually in a relationship in the other universe,” she told him with a small smile and she could see the relief on his face. “Why’s it you’re not out in this universe?” 

“Management,” he replied angrily. Violet decided not to push it. She could feel the frustration around the topic. “That’s why I can’t show this song today. Not when our manager is coming over.” 

A burst of confidence coursed through Violet as she spoke the next words. “Do you mind if I sit in on this meeting?” It surprised herself a little, but she went with it anyway. 

“Why?” Alex questioned, shutting his notebook and placing it back on his nightstand. 

Violet shrugged. “I feel like it’s a good day for a meeting.” 

While Alex went to wake up the boys, Violet occupied herself in the kitchen, getting some breakfast ready for them. In her mind, she went over the things she would say to their manager. There were a bunch of things she wanted to say. A bunch of which were things she knew the other Violet would say. 

“What are you doing here?” Reggie asked when he entered the kitchen, a surprised smile on his face. 

Violet snapped out of her thoughts, facing the boys that walked in. “Getting you guys prepped for this meeting with your manager,” she replied and handed them plates with stacks of pancakes. 

The boys happily ate the breakfast she’d made, no questions asked. Not even when she joined them in the music room when their manager had arrived. All five of them settled on the couch while their manager sat on the armchair. 

“Okay, I’m gonna cut to the chase. Here’s what we’re gonna do to promote your new album; a launch party at the mansion, like we’d done last time. After this, all four of you will be seen with at least one girl on your arm.” The boys stirred in their seats when the manager’s eyes landed on Violet. “But I can tell one of you is already on that.” 

Violet couldn’t help but roll  her eyes at him. “Seriously?” she spoke up, surprising everyone in the room, including herself. 

“Excuse me?” The manager challenged. 

“I’m gonna cut to the chase,” she started, mimicking the boss himself, “Here’s what we’re gonna do for the promotion of their next album;” she raised her voice a little when saying the next words, “actual promotion of the album.” 

“I’m sorry?” he scoffed. 

“Yeah, you should be sorry.” Violet’s heart started beating faster as she continued. “You’ve been living off these boys’ lives without asking them what they wanted. They wanna make music. They wanna love who they wanna love without any restrictions. They wanna live their lives and be them. Authentically. Unapologetically.” 

The boys stared at Violet with wide eyes and surprised smiles. This was the Violet they had come to know. The Violet that had lived here over the summer. Had they switched again without them even noticing? 

“I’m sorry but who are you to tell me how to run my business?” 

Violet stood up from her spot on the couch next to Alex. “I’m Violet Grace Dawson, and I’m gonna need you to step the fuck up and let these boys do whatever they wanna do. Let them make the music they wanna make. Let them love who they wanna. It’s not gonna affect their music or their success. If anything, them being true to themselves will attract even more people because they’re gonna be able to identify themselves with them. The whole world is queer, why not let this band be queer?!” 

“It’s been proven that straight white men have more success than the queer,” the manager objected. “And what are you gonna do against me, huh? Little girl?”

Violet scoffed. “If you’re not gonna be a good manager to them–” she thought about what she was gonna say next and eventually settled on, “I’m gonna do it myself!” 

The man let out a bitter laugh. “As if a child like you would ever be able to manage a band like this one!” 

“This child has her connections. My mother happens to be a lawyer and my father is a manager himself. Used to be pretty good in this game. So either you step the fuck up or I’m gonna get this band the manager they deserve!” 

Her face had gone beet red, her hands clammy and her heart was pounding. That was exhilarating and scary at the same time. But the payoff was more than worth it. The manager got up from his chair, regarded Violet once more before turning to the boys. 

“You’re fired,” he said to them, but all four of them shook their heads. 

“You can’t fire us,” Luke said and got up as well. “Because we’re firing you.” 

Everyone held their breath as the guy opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and turned to leave the room. A collective sigh echoed off the walls before the gang erupted into cheers while wrapping Violet up into a group hug. 

“Did you switch places with the other Violet again?!” Bobby questioned excitedly. 

Violet giggled. “Nope, still me… Gosh that was scary!” 

“Your parents really can help us though, right?” Reggie queried anxiously. 

“Obviously. My dad owns a chain of supermarkets, but he used to be a music manager back in his days. I’m sure if he knew he had a band as great as this one, he’d get back to that world asap!” 

“You’re amazing,” Luke told her, shaking his head. 

“Thanks for doing this for us, Vi,” said Alex. 

She smiled at him. “Don’t miss the gun at the starting line.”

   While the boys tried to figure out a way to switch the two Violets back, the girl herself kept her mind preoccupied with Dirty Candy rehearsals. Though she wasn't sure what to think of the new route the band was going into, especially since she had no clue how to play the drums. 

She asked the girls to focus on choreography right now, stalling every possible instrument-rehearsal for as long as she could. Thankfully, Carrie helped her out and came up with new excuses every single day. 

“Are you okay?” Carrie asked Violet at the end of the Dirty Candy rehearsal. 

“Yeah,” Violet breathed out, “I’m really feeling it today, you know? Keeps my mind off of things.” 

Carrie knew what she meant by ‘things’. It was Luke. She knew that if Violet stopped, she’d be thinking of the boy she had fallen in love with. The boy from the alternate universe. 

“Should we try and find a way to get you back?” Carrie then asked. “We did it once, I’m sure we can do it a second time? Which is technically a third since  the first was accidental…” Carrie’s blabbing reminded Violet of other Carrie. She was this intense, this excitable. 

“I’m sure that, if the universe wants me back, it’ll do its job.” 

Violet knew there was nothing she could do to switch them back. The universe had to figure this one out by itself and all she had to do was wait. Wait and wait and write. That same night, she picked up a pen and her notebook. 

“Don’t blink, no I don’t wanna miss it One thing and it’s back to the beginning ‘cause everything is rushing in fast Keep holding on, never look back And it’s one-two-three-four times That I’ll try for one more night Light a fire in my eyes I’m going out of my mind” 

Then the melody in her mind switched, as though someone had switched the radio station. For a second, she heard Luke singing. She heard his voice, singing these words to her that she had never heard before. Words that were meant for her to hear. Words she needed to hear. 

Not wanting to forget those words, she flipped through to an empty page and started jotting them down while her heart bled and beat faster at the same time. These were Luke’s words. She could feel it. This was from him, to her. 

This was the perfect harmony. 

After Reggie, Alex and Bobby had left the rehearsal space, Luke and Violet were the last ones left. There was a comfortable silence wrapped around them as they sat on the couches, basking in each other’s company. 

“How did you do that?” he asked, “With the manager? Back in the day, you barely dared to say ‘hello’ to strangers, let alone give off on our manager like that.” 

Violet shrugged, “I may have learned a thing or two about confidence from Carrie and Luke – the alternate universe versions of you.” 

Luke couldn’t help but smile at that. “If you could, would you wanna go back?” 

The question had taken Violet aback a little. Would she want to go back? She did miss Carrie and Bobby’s bickering. She missed Reggie’s smart ass and Alex’s sass. She even missed Dirty Candy a little. 

She missed Luke. More than anything. 

“If I could, yes…” Luke tilted his head slightly, urging her to elaborate. “I felt right, there, you know? Like a fish in water. That was my place, my home. More so than this has ever been…” Luke shot her a tight-lipped smile. “But there’s no way I’m ever gonna be able to get back.” 

There was nothing Luke could say to that. He wanted to help her. Somehow. Someway. If it would mean this Violet could be happy. If it would mean he’d get his Violet back. But there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do was make this universe as bearable as possible for this Violet. 

“I started writing a song, by the way,” Luke announced and got up to retrieve his songbook from the piano wing. He opened it to the right page and showed it to her. At first glance, Violet could tell this was a song he’d written with Violet in his mind. 

Something this Violet had wanted him to do for years. 

Violet got up from the couch and made her way to the piano. She sat down and started playing the keys, a sweet melody floating out of the majestic instrument. Her eyes quickly found Luke’s, urging him to start singing. 

“Step into my world Bittersweet love story about a girl Shook me to the core Voice like an angel, I've never heard before”

Violet smiled to herself. Who’d have thought that this guy, whom she was convinced was the biggest jerk on the planet, would write this song for a girl? A version of herself. A better, more confident version of herself. But that was something she needed to shake off. 

She took the next verse, just to preoccupy her own mind with something other than her alternate self. 

“Here in front of me Shining so much brighter than I have ever seen Life can be so mean But when he goes I know he doesn't leave”

Their voices blended together on the chorus and it reminded them both of each other’s parallel self. Though their personalities were completely different, their voices still sounded the same. Their voices still worked so well together. 

“The truth is finally breaking through Two worlds collide when I'm with you Our voices rise and soar so high We come to life when we're In perfect harmony”

“Whoa, whoa Perfect harmony Whoa, whoa Perfect harmony”

Luke grabbed Violet’s hands, pulling her up from the piano stool and guiding her towards the middle of the rehearsal space whilst they alternated lines. 

“You set me free”

“You and me together is more than chemistry”

Holding her hands close to him, the two sang to each other, almost forgetting this wasn’t the song for the two of them, but rather for their alternate selves. 

“Love me as I am I'll hold your music here inside my hands”

“We say we're friends, we play pretend You're more to me, we're everything Our voices rise and soar so high We come to life when we're In perfect harmony”

“I wrote a song,” Violet had told Luke. She had written a song and now the two of them were dancing together. As though they’d forgotten all about the parallel universes and they were singing to the person they had fallen in love with over the past few months. 

“Whoa, whoa Perfect harmony Whoa, whoa Perfect harmony”

It felt so natural, dancing and singing together. Like they had been doing it for years. 

Luke then stopped, holding her hands in front of him as they sang the bridge together. They were all smiles and glistening eyes. In a dream-like state, hoping their parallel selves would feel what they were feeling. 

“I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah You are my brightest, burning star, whoa-whoa I never knew a love so real (so real) We're heaven on Earth, melody and words And when we are together we're In perfect harmony”

Luke then swayed her to the left, then to the right. She twirled and they shuffled along to the music in their heads. 

“Whoa, whoa Perfect harmony Whoa, whoa”

Violet almost felt like they were in Dirty Dancing, her favorite film, and they were having a moment like Johnny and Baby. Intimate. Sensational. Craving the wrong person. 

“We say we're friends We play pretend You're more to me We create”

Luke had twirled her inwards before twirling her outwards, letting her turn and turn and turn until she returned to him from the other side. 

“a perfect harmony”

The girl that had just been in his arms seconds ago, had gone. She’d disappeared and instead, reappeared on the other side. He knew right then and there that it wasn’t the same girl. He knew who he had caught in his arms. 

“Violet,” he whispered, looking into those brown orbs he’d come to love. “It’s you, isn’t it?” 

The girl looked around her. Seconds ago, she was dancing with Luke in the rehearsal space in Beverly Hills. Now, she found herself in Luke’s arms in Julie’s garage. She was back. She was home. 

“I’m home,” she whispered before Luke kissed her. Sweetly. Hungrily. Lovingly. 

She was back home. They managed to switch them back. Once more. 

To the universe where she felt most herself. 

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[krzyktty101]

7. Freedom/Chained

How did they always get themselves into these situations? The Oracion Seis, Tenrou Island, Tartarous, Zeref; how was it that her team was always in the middle of these world ending escapades?

A deep pitiable sigh slipped past her lips, she could practically feel her whole chest deflate with it. She shook her head back and forth violently, trying to clear it of the swirling torrent of thoughts and emotions clouding her mind. She was supposed to be on a 100 year quest with her closest friends right now, not fighting another madman to save the world. Tears began to well up in her eyes unwillingly; she couldn’t help but mourn the loss of it. She briefly wondered if her friends would still complete it after.

The 100 year quest was more about the journey than the actual mission; it was about never-ending bonds of friendship. It was their silent promise to each other that there would always be more adventures. She was sure it was also Natsu’s own special way of assuring her that she would never be alone again, that he would never leave her alone again. Natsu was always a more tactile communicator; words were never his strong suit. So what better way to prove to Lucy the level of his conviction than to drag her on a never ending quest? Well, the thrill of the challenge didn’t hurt either.

Everything until now was amazing. For the last three years Natsu, Gray, Erza, Wendy, Happy and Carla had traveled the world together with her. They were no closer to completing the quest than when they started, but every day was a new adventure. They went back to Magnolia often to visit their friends and family. Side quests were completed as required to keep money in their pockets. Last year she even found Aquarius’s key again. Life was great, and for the first time in years there was no dark dangerous cloud looming over their heads. That is, until Princess Hisui contacted their guild with a rather dire emergency; which was how Lucy found herself in this rather dispiriting situation. The Princess had contacted Fairy Tail days ago with intelligence that a dark guild was planning some sort of attack on Fiore using the Spirit World. The princess had reached out to Fairy Tail specifically because of Lucy; while Lucy wasn’t the only Celestial Wizard in the world, it was well known that she was by far the strongest. It didn’t hurt that she was supported by the strongest guild in the world either.

Team Natsu had successfully stopped the dark guild known as the Ace of Spades, but not before their leader Jax had torn open a rift to the Spirit World. His rather brash plan included using old magic and the ancient Celestial Shrine to force open a rather large “gate” to the Spirit World and then enslave the Spirit King. Lucy knew firsthand the frightening power of the Spirit King and did not wish to ever be on the other side of it again. His power was not meant for any one person to control, especially without limits. Years ago their group had seen up close what can happen to the Spirit World when the Celestial King was thrown into chaos, and this time the open gate bled the overwhelming energy of the Spirit World into Earthland as well. Princess Hisui was right to be worried, Jax’s plan was apocalyptic.

The whole ground shook as the magic power coalesced chaotically around the ancient shrine. Above her, high in the sky, midnight black clouds swirled malevolently and mixed with golden magical light. Energy from the two planes clashed in the sky and exploded creating an ethereal lightening show. Frustration welled up in Lucy’s chest; she clenched her hands into fists almost tight enough to draw blood. She bit into her lips, ignoring the coppery taste the seeped onto her tongue. She allowed the pain to stem the wail that threatened to tear itself from her lips. They had won the fight, but would ultimately lose the war.

“No. No, I won’t allow it!” A fire burned in her belly; strength welled up from the deepest recesses of her soul and flowed into every fiber of her being as though it were a living thing. She steeled her nerves for what she knew she must do.  

Jax lay unconscious at Natsu’s feet, slumped against the wall on the outskirts of the large atrium which lay at the heart of the shrine. Erza, Gray, and Wendy had just rejoined the group mere seconds ago, finally finishing their own battles against the remnants of the dark guild moments before. However, for all of their success, no one had managed to stop the massive tear from being formed. “Well, at least the Spirit King wasn’t enslaved. Small miracles I suppose,” Lucy mumbled under her breath as she slowly walked into the center of the atrium. “Stardress: Aquarius!”

And it was true; they had managed to stop Jax before he was able to complete the ritual, thereby ensuring that the Spirit King remained free. However, that didn’t mean that anyone was safe. The idiot had torn open a rift so large between the two realms, it was quickly destabilizing both. The turbulent skies above her head, the quaking beneath her feet, and the magical lightening crashing around them were just the beginning. Left alone, both realities would collapse; Lucy knew she had to act quickly.

She surveyed the scene around her as she moved, taking stock of everything she wanted to protect, her friends, her home, and Natsu. Lucy wasn’t entirely sure where Carla and Happy were, but she thought she heard something about them researching the shrine for information on the ritual. It wasn’t much good now, but at least they wouldn’t be here for this. Steeling her resolve, she stopped her slow march at the center of the atrium of the shrine and prepared her mind and body for what she knew needed to be done.

“LUCY STOP!!”

She felt a strong hand grip her wrist and swing her around to face her detractor. Her heart sank at the sight; she was silently praying that she would be able to get through this without him figuring it out until it was too late. She should have known better, he always came whenever she was ever in any real danger.

“Loke.” Her voice rang true with the strong affection she held for her most loyal spirit and one of her closest friends; however, she could not completely hide the solemn resignation hidden within it either.

He had a manic look about his face; Fear, anger, exacerbation, pride, grief, and a stubborn refusal to accept the reality in front of him all vied for control creating a crazed look in his eyes. He gripped both of her wrists in his hands with such strength, she seriously doubted he entirely was conscious of it.

“You CAN’T DO this LUCY!”

“What choice do I have Loke? That gate has to be closed.”

He shook his head and dug his fingertips in even harder; they were sure to leave bruises on her fair skin. How could she act so calm about this, as though it were nothing! Surely she realized what this would do to him! He would not, could not accept this.

“Not alone!! There is Yukino, Princess Hisui, even Lady Anna, any of them could help!”

He didn’t want to see that look from Lucy, the look of pity and surrender. Loke turned his head from it tears starting to build in his eyes.

“They are days away, we don’t have that sort of time.”

“Then summon the Spirit King for help!”

Lucy’s gaze sharpened at that, fire from her eyes piercing through Loke’s soul. “No! One, there is already too much Celestial energy here; calling him forth would only make things worse. Two, only a Celestial Wizard can close the gate and you know that. Three, I refuse to ever sacrifice another spirit ever again.”

Grabbing onto her shoulders, Loke rattled Lucy back and forth, as though to shake common sense back into her thick skull. Loke screamed, “DAMMIT LUCY! THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING!”  

By this point, Loke’s extreme reaction had drawn the attention of their friends. Now only a few feet away, Natsu cocked his head to the side confused. “Yo, whats going on?”

“LUCY’S TRYING TO KILL HERSELF!” Loke couldn’t keep the slight wail of hysteria from his tone.

Shock painted the face of her friends and kept them frozen in place for several moments; it was as though time itself stood still. Not surprisingly, Natsu was the first to recover. His muscles tensed, his eyes narrowed, and seething anger seeped into his voice as he growled out, “What the Hell?”

Lucy refused to shirk under his glare, “I have to close the gate. Leaving a rift like that open can destroy both worlds. I’m the only one here who can close it.”

“We have seen Lucy force gate closures multiple times?” Leave it to Erza to get to the heart of the problem with a single strike. Her simple statement was formed as a question, as though it answered itself with its obviousness.

Loke shot Erza a fierce glare, just another indicator to his emotional state. Under any other circumstance, he would never be crazy enough to look at her that way. “Look at the size of that gate! Closing a gate that large will take everything she has; IT WILL KILL HER!”

“Lucy?” Gray’s quiet voice held a string of questions within the one word. ‘Is this true?’ ‘Did you know?’ ‘How could you do this to us?’

Lucy held firm, though it broke her heart, she knew she was right. “I HAVE to close the gate. If I let this continue it will destroy both worlds. Everyone we have ever cared about, from both realms, will die. Either way I die. I might as well go out protecting those I love”

Loke sprung forward trapping Lucy in a fierce hug, as though he could keep her safe by sheer will alone. As his one arm wrapped firmly around her waist, his other gently cupped the back of her head pulling her into the crook of his neck as he laid his head atop hers. Lucy couldn’t help but melt slightly into his embrace and return the hug. She knew it was very likely the last time she would be able to show him how much he meant to her. “Lucy. Please stop. How can I just sit back and let my friend disappear right in front of me?”

Two lone tears leaked from her eyes. “Oh Loke. I can’t let any of you disappear either. Now it’s my turn to protect you.”

Loke stepped back so suddenly it was a bit jarring; then Lucy felt a warm hand grip her arm. Electric shocks raced through her body and settled in the pit of her stomach. Natsu’s grip was firm, unyielding but gentle. His entire body was tense like a tightly coiled spring, and one wrong word from her would cause the whole thing to explode. “You don’t die for your friends.”

Lucy looked at him, one of her signature mega-watt smiles gracing her face as she answered, “You live for them.”

And it was her unique smile, the smile all her friends had learned long ago to equate to the knowledge that everything would be all right. It threw them off kilter just long enough to give her the opening she needed. As her friends stood around her, startled that she could smile so fully in light of the current conversation, she unleashed her attack.

“WATER BARRIER!”

Her friends were flung back as a wall of water erupted around Lucy, keeping her in its protective shell. Natsu and Loke, who were closest to the source, flew with enough force to slam them into the shrine walls. Then her 9 other Zodiac spirit friends materialized in a line between her and her team.

“Aquarius, please give me space! Capricorn, Scorpio, and Taurus keep Natsu back! Gemini, Cancer, Sagittarius stand guard. Virgo and Ares, hold back Loke.”

“GATE OF THE SPIRIT WORLD, CLOSE!!!”

Lucy was swallowed by a pillar of golden light that erupted from her body and shot straight into the hole in the sky.

Natsu, though shaken, was the first to brush off the stunning attack, “LUCY!!” Natsu’s panicked scream cracked across the room like a whip. He planted his right hand on the floor with both feet against the wall he just peeled himself off of. Fire exploded from his feet, shooting him off like a rocket towards Lucy. Aquarius was ready for him, firing a torrent of bubbles which hit him dead on. Natsu flew back into the wall and the spirits quickly descended upon him.

A bit off to Natsu’s right, Loke’s expression moved past betrayal and straight onto rage. “How could you! You and she fought so hard to see each other again! How could you agree to this Aquarius!” Aquarius was ready for him though, and directed the torrent of bubbles at Loke before he could attack. Loke struggled against the force of her water unsuccessfully, one arm stretched helplessly towards his friend and owner.

Aquarius hung her head and looked away from his piercing gaze, “It is because of that struggle that I refuse to abandon her now.”

“Lions Brilliance!” A brilliant light exploded from inside Loke; his magical energy deflecting Aquarius’ attack. “And how is this not abandonment? You’ll all be kicked out of the Spirit World, just like I was. Do you plan to die with her?”Loke leaped towards Aquarius, fists prepared for his attack, when he was thrown back by a torrent of water.

“I will not treat her like a child! Lucy knows what she must do; I refuse to treat her as one too stupid to make her own choices. What would you have us do Leo? Would you have both worlds die with her? Would you sacrifice the Universe for her?

“I would find another way! Regulus Impact!”

“There is no other way!” Tears ran in rivers down her face as Aquarius swung her vase back, preparing to unleash her famous cyclone upon the group.

In a flash, a sword materialized holding the vase back; a blinding light enveloping Erza, “Sea Empress Armor; your water attacks will no longer hold power over me Aquarius.”

“Moshi Moshi! I am sorry miss, but that will not help you here.” A stream of arrows flew towards the female warrior with scary precision. The rate of fire was closer to one of Bisca and Alzac’s magic machine guns than arrows.

The room quickly descended into chaos as Erza fought Aquarius, and Sagittarius. Gray and Wendy reluctantly took Gemini and Cancer. Natsu was in an outright frantic brawl with Capricorn, Scorpio and Taurus. One never would have never guessed that Ares and Virgo were ever friends with Loke considering the way he was throwing himself into the fight. In the heart of it all stood Lucy, enveloped in a golden light, screaming from the severe strain to her body.  

Natsu’s head reeled back after a particularly well placed punch from Capricorn and slammed into a wall, stone crumbling from the force. With a speed that rivaled Jet, Natsu recovered and threw himself back into the battle. “How the hell are you all here anyway? Even Lucy shouldn’t be able to summon 9 of your at once, not if she is using everything she has on that stupid hole!”

Capricorn was the first to answer as he evaded a particularly brutal double fire kick from Natsu. “That rift has broken down the barriers between our worlds. We no longer need a summoner to be here.”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Lucy’s shrill screech tore through the air halting everyone in their tracks. Small tears started to appear all over as the swirling magical energy started to slice apart her delicate skin. Lucy would not be deterred though; one look at her friends was all that she needed to push through the pain, pouring even more energy into the demising gate above.  

Erza, Gray and Wendy ceased their attacks solemnly; watching the amazing extent of Lucy’s determination diminished their own. Natsu though felt as if it was tearing his body itself in two; he subconsciously placed his fisted hand over his heart. “Listen to her! That is your friend, your comrade! How can you let her do this to herself?”

Capricorn, Scorpio, and Taurus regrouped during the brief lull, forming a wall between Natsu and Lucy.

“Yeah baby! That is exactly why we are here,” however, Scorpio’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he spoke. “We are here to support our owner!”

“We believe in Lucy’s strong and beautiful booody!”

“If that rift is not closed, both worlds will be destroyed. Everything that Lucy loves will be lost; she is the only one here who can close it. We must have faith in her.” Capricorn’s voice rang with strong conviction.

Natsu’s fists exploded in a fiery fury from the force of his emotions. “I don’t care. That is Lucy, our Lucy. And she is in pain!”

Erza, and Gray, who had regrouped next to Natsu in the lull, placed restraining hands on his shoulders, tears in both their eyes. “Natsu,” Erza spoke, “We must trust in our friend.”

Natsu’s eyes widened like saucers, his flames extinguished from sheer shock. “Erza? You too?”

“Look around you Flame Brain! Look at their eyes! Do you think they want this? Do you think we want this? We love her too! But if what they say is true, then what choice do we have but to trust in her?” Gray’s hand dug painfully into Natsu’s shoulder, as though he was physically restraining himself. It was as though he was trying to convince himself along with Natsu. His entire body shook silently with tremors.

Natsu’s head swung towards Wendy looking for support; surely she was still with him. His chest deflated as soon as he saw her face.

Another scream escaped their friend’s lips and reverberated around the shrine, echoing in their heads long after the sound itself was gone. Erza let go of Natsu’s shoulder and dropped it to her side. She took her other arm and wrapped it around her waist and gripped her arm as though she were holding herself back. “If we don’t let her do this, everyone will die. Lucy will die.”

“I refuse to accept it! I can’t lose her! I promised that I would always protect her; I promised that I would never fail her like Karen!?” Loke’s hands were fisted in his orange mane while he shook his head back and forth in crazed desperation. Virgo and Ares stood guard before him, boxing him in. “I won’t let her die! I can’t let her die! She is the most important person in the world to me! I would give my life for her! I don’t want to live in a world without Lucy.”

“Slap” The sharp sound bounced across the room. Loke barely registered the needle-like stinging sensation on his cheek. He looked up; Virgo’s hand was still raised and fire burned in her eyes. “Princess is not a damsel to be protected, and you are not the only one who cares for her!”

“Then why aren’t you helping me!! You’ll be banned from ever returning to the Spirit World. You’ll die too!”

Virgo shook her head, “No big brother. Remember, you and Lucy changed that rule. We will not be held accountable for supporting her decision.”

Ares looked upon her friend with pity, “She may be our friend, but we are also her spirits. Even when it is hard, we will obey her wishes. It is our pride as Celestial Spirits.”

“Well I won’t! Regulus Impact!”

Virgo and Ares went soaring across the shrine, creating a crater when they crashed into the stone floor. “Natsu! Get Ready! Lion’s Brilliance!”

The shrine was enveloped in a blinding bright light, stunning all but Loke and Natsu who used the opening to run to their suffering friend. Finding his friend in the light was easier than breathing, Natsu was so attuned to her at this point that locating her with his sharp nose was like a sixth sense. She was such an integral part of his life he didn’t even need to consciously try any more. As Natsu reached her back, he wrapped his strong arms around her waist and pulled her to him firmly. His face contorted in distress as he cried out, “STOP IT!! Please!” The light entombed them both, chaotic magical energy greedily now tearing at both of their flesh instead of one. Natsu winced from the pain as he tried his best to shield Lucy from harm. However, as the light finally receded, it was Loke who first noticed that their time had run out. The rift was now gone!

The last of Lucy’s magical energy floated away into the sky, being absorbed by the remnants of the now healed gate. She stood there pale and winded, huffing and gasping for breath after the exertion. Her clothes were in tatters, torn to shreds from the magical energy. Small ringlets of blood oozed from paper sized cuts all over her delicate body. Gently her arm came up, and lightly grabbed Natsu’s which were still wrapped firmly around her waist. Breathing a sigh of relief, Natsu slowly detangled himself from her.  

Loke sank to the ground before her, knees slamming onto the hard stones beneath him. Violent sobs racked his body, his hands coming up to grip his wild mane as he shook his head lightly in denial. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…,” that one word becoming his new mantra. Tears streaming down his face pooled on the cold stone floor before his knees.

To say that Natsu was confused by his comrade’s reaction was an understatement. She was standing right there. Yeah, she looked weak and tired, but she was alive. So what was with the water works? “Luce?”

Ignoring him for a moment, Lucy leaned down, and cupping Loke’s face in her hands she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. She caught Gray and Erza’s eyes as she stood, large smile gracing her face. “Take care of him please? Take care of all of them?” Lucy didn’t wait for a response; she trusted that they would.

“Luce? I don’t understand?” Fear, a rare emotion for him, started to seep into his heart. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew instinctively that he wouldn’t like the results.

Turning to her closest and truest friend, she gave Natsu the signature mega-watt Lucy smile. Her hand stretched out and cupped his cheek, her thumb rubbing small reassuring circles absentmindedly.

Natsu reached up to grasp her hand, becoming alarmed when he only touched air. His gaze sharpened as he turned towards where her arm was only a second before, and for that one moment, time stopped. Her arm was slowly disappearing right before him, as though it was never there. He struggled to regain his breath as he turned terrified eyes towards hers. “L...Lu...Luce?”

She leaned forward, kissing the tear off his cheek. Only Lucy’s chest and head were visible now, with more disappearing everyone second. “It will be ok Natsu.”

Natsu reached out quickly, trying to grab onto her, trying desperately to hold her to him. He became more frantic as she faded before him, arms flying everywhere trying to grasp onto any part of her. “Lucy! Hold on! You have to stay with us! You have to stay with me! We’ll be together forever right?”

Only Lucy’s face was visible now and it too slowly faded from view. “Forever and always. I love you Natsu.” And with that, Lucy was gone. 

This is the first chapter to a new fic I am writing. Nothing is posted except here yet because I am not far into the story. Thought this would make a good submission for Nalu week 2018. Not sure about the title yet.

[arielsojourner]

Vader Strikes Back - Part the Fourth

Not beta read/really rough/not really proof read/plot holes and OUT of order.  Also spoilers for the original first story in AO3 Back From the Future: Episode VI The Clone Wars.  Check the tag #vader strikes back on my page for the other parts to this mess/fic outline. Again I value feedback and ideas if you have any. 

  *

Fives wanted to move. His back itched. The view of the medical quarters ceiling  grew boring after about 20 minutes when he was finally allowed to lie face up after days on his belly. Quick was weaning him off the good drugs but he couldn’t just sleep the day away. At this angle he couldn’t do anything. He wanted to get out of bed and do something.

But he was lucky that his spine was still intact, he was lucky to be alive.

(A year ago, perhaps two, an injury like this would have meant decommissioning. Now resources were used to keep him alive, heal him. He was very lucky. He knew that.)

Others hadn’t been so lucky.

Fives closed his eyes and clenched his fists. The casualties reports of clones fighting clones was sickening, there were Jedi dead in the field at the hands of their own troopers. And to top it all off, his teacher was dead. So many dead and he was stuck in this prone position for at least another week before he’d be allowed to start physical therapy. And even when he was back on his feet, who would teach him and his brothers now?

Yes, the Sith Master had been defeated. Yes, the damn chip was out of his head. Yes, he had the Force and medical treatment and the war was over and he should be grateful. He should be happy that he was alive but all he was was frustrated and pissed off and worried.

If only he could get up and do something productive!  If only he could be of some use!

“What do you think you’re doing?” Quick barked.

Fives turned his head to see which patient had earned his ire this time. (He didn’t dare raise his head under threat of being strapped down for the duration of his convalescence.) He needn’t have actually looked. He could guess who it was.

“I’m better, I don’t need to be here!” Hardcase argued even as he hopped back over to his bed, thwarted in his most recent escape attempt.

Quick shoved him down and checked the bacta patch over his leg. “You nearly bled to death, you moron. We’ve had to ration the bacta with all the injuries. It isn’t healed yet. You put pressure on it now the wound could reopen and you could die!”

“Aw, c’mon. It wasn’t as bad as all that,” he protested trying to bat the medic’s hands away.

“This is the third time today. And you didn’t even bother to steal a hoverchair this time! Do I need to strap you down? Because I will!”

“Look, Quick, I’ve got stuff to do I can’t do in here,” Hardcase wheedled. “It’s been weeks.”

“And just what can’t wait until you’re not at risk of losing your leg or your life, trooper?” The medic demanded, hands on his hips.

“Have you been watching the holonet? Have you heard what they’re saying about Luke and Vader? We need to be doing something to help!”

“What?! What’ve they been saying?” Fives interrupted, raising his voice to be heard. “Hardcase?” he asked worriedly.

“No holonet in here; my patients must all rest,” Quick insisted firmly.

“They’re saying that Vader’s trying to take over the galaxy or something, that Palpatine was his master. They’re saying Luke was helping,” Hardcase said hotly. “It’s total kriffing banthashit and someone needs to set the record straight. They were heroes! We were all heroes!”

“Who’s saying it?” Fives asked urgently, forgetting himself for a moment and trying to sit up only for all the monitors around him to start beeping warningly. “Why would they–?” he began, in turns furious and horrified.

“Lay down, trooper!” Quick yelled rushing over to his bed.

“There’s some new report out,” Mixer said from the other side of the ward. “Uni told me about it when he stopped by.  They say the Order’s going to hunt down Vader for going after Palpatine and his allies. They say that Luke wasn’t even a Jedi Knight.”

“Banthashit,” Hardcase snarls. “What’d I tell you, total kriffing banthashit! We need to do something. Fives, Fives we need to–!”

“And what exactly are you going to do about it, may I ask?” Quick asked. “Don’t you think Captain Rex already knows?”

“Luke was our teacher. He was our Commander,” Fives said. “He and Vader came and killed Krell. They got the chips out of our heads and healed us. They gave us all our freedom and ended the war. Hardcase is right. We’re troopers; even laid up there’s got to be something we can do to help.”

Mixer and the others who were awake voiced their loud agreement to Five’s words, some sitting up, others trying to stand. Quick turned around frantically, not sure where to go first to stop the full scale uprising of his patients.

“We could help with reports, or gather intel, or hells even go on the holonet and let everyone know the truth,” Fives continued, rallying the others, lifting his head slightly. “Where’s Echo, is he still on duty? Where’s Hack Squad? We need a holoscreen in here. We need to know what’s going on. We need to comm the 104th and the 212th. Where’s Vader? What–”

“All right! All right! I’ll get a holoscreen in here if and only if you all get back into your beds this second troopers, do you understand me?” Quick yelled, reaching the end of his rope. “Lie back down!”

Grumbling the men obeyed.

“Get a big one, we all need to be able to see and hear,” Hardcase insisted as he relaxed back down.  

“Don’t push your luck,” Quick retorted rushing over to check the clone’s blood pressure and tsking in dismay at what he saw.  “If you go to sleep now, I’ll see what I can do,” he added a bit softer.

“And let Chatterbox and Flare and the others to come by. We need to talk about what we’re going to do,” Fives called out.

“Sleep!”

*

Obi-Wan thought he had set the bottle down on the edge of the table, but it turns out he’d missed by quite a margin. He stared at the shattered glass and alcohol on the floor. It was such a waste of good liquor, he mourned. Luckily, the house had a fully stocked bar.

Grabbing his glass, Obi-Wan went to get another bottle, knocking over a chair and a decorative plant along the way.

“What is going on? Obi-Wan, are you hurt?” Padme entered the room in a rush. “I heard a noise and–“ She stopped in her tracks.

The Jedi Master turned slowly, bottle and glass now in hand. “Senator,” he said in greeting and then turned his attention to getting more drink into his glass.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like your getting drunk,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, Senator. I am getting black out drunk. I am getting so drunk I stop thinking for a few hours. So I stop seeing it, him, every time I blink.”

Her face grew wary. “You watched the vid.”

“I watched the vid,” he confirmed toasting her and then knocking back the entire glass. “What an excellent suggestion you had. I didn’t realize what a total and abject failure I was until I watched the vid. Thank you for that.” He wiped his mouth with his hand, nearly dropping the bottle. “I mean, there’s my Padawan all grown up in a life support suit slaying the Sith Master even after falling to the Dark side. And there’s baby Luke, all grown up and now quite dead after enduring the agony of Force lightning at the hands of the same Sith Master. The Sith Master incidentally who’s been ruling the Republic and controlling the Separatist, who was right under our nose, who nearly exterminated the entire Order using our own troops.”

“Obi-Wan …”

“I’m not sure how much worse I can screw up, Sennan– Padme. As a Jedi, as a General, as a teacher, as a friend. I let that monster near my Padawan, let him do gods know what to him since he was a boy, only a boy. I am quite sure,” he continued staggering and nearly tripping on the fallen chair as he came closer to her. “No one has failed as greatly as I have in the history of the Order.” He waved his hand to cut her off when she opened her mouth to interrupt. “No, no really. Jedi have lost students before, yes. My own Master lost a student. Xanatos. Always trying to kill me. But to kriff up so badly that your Fallen Sith Lord student comes back in time to fix things, now that’s a new low, deserving of a place of honor in the Archives.”

Padme grabbed hold of the bottle and the glass and yanked them out of Obi-Wan’s hands. “Enough of this. I know you’re hurt and shocked, but–“

“I was going to talk to Anakin. I was going to talk to him but he’s in the nursery, sleeping on the floor. He did that sometimes in the beginning. He wasn’t used to the sleep couch. He was cold, so he’d make a nest in a corner of his room. I used to tell him off for hoarding blankets. I was such a bad Master.”  He stepped backward, reaching for the couch and finding it with one hand, flopped down on the cushions. “ I don’t want to lie to him anymore. I don’t want to tell him that the war is good, that the Order knows what its doing, that he’s doing good, and he needs to keep fighting and fighting and fighting. He’s very good a fighting and killing,” he said mournfully.

“Yes,” Padme agreed softly setting down the bottle and the glass. “Anakin’s very good at killing. All of the Jedi are.”

“You sound like Satine,” he says crossly. “Warriors can’t be peacekeepers. Soliders can only do one thing. If your only tool is a weapon, everyone looks like a target,” he parrots in a Mandalore accent.

“I can’t say I disagree. That was probably the plan all along. Sheev Palpatine was famous for such tactics when he was a Senator.”

“And he was in front of us the whole time. We saved his life a dozen times. He talked of democracy and we happily helped build his Sith Empire for him,” Obi-Wan spat. “He played the kindly old man while he dripped poison into my Padawan’s ear. I let him– I let him–“ He wiped one shaking hand over his face and breathed, trying to release his anger. “And he won. He won. Vader is proof of that. Force knows what they did … After. Killed everyone, I imagine.” He touched his throat, remembering the durasteel grip, the Forcestorm of hate and betrayal.

“Now that you know, what will you do?” Padme asked.

“Do?”

“Do you plan to tell the Jedi Order? Do you plan to lock Anakin up or kill him preemptively?”

“What? No! No, of course not! Anakin is not Vader!” he yelled defensively. “How can you say that?”

“Anakin was terrified to tell you of our marriage, of the babies. He believed you to be more loyal to the Order and the Council than him.” Obi-Wan sputtered at that but some part of him whispered that Anakin had every right to think that about him. “The war and constant fighting has taken a toll. He is suffering and in pain. Your Order teaches that those types of feelings aren’t allowed, that they lead to the Dark side, to somehow becoming evil like the flick of a switch. Knowing that in some other time and place he became Vader … I have a right to know what you plan to do to my husband.”

“Nothing! I plan to do nothing!” Obi-Wan tried to stand. “He’s my brother. I love him! I would never– I could never kill him! Never!”

Dark eyes watch him for a long moment.

“I promised him. I promised Anakin I would stay with him and help make things right. I meant it. Forget about the the Council and the war. I said I wanted to help and I will, Padme. Not because of the Code or the Order or-or some promise to my dying Master, but because I care for him and I don’t want to see him hurting, not anymore, not if I can help it. I’m going to help. I swear it.”

“And Vader?” Padme asked softly. “Will you help him too?”

“Vader?” Obi-Wan drew back in shock.

“He’s lost everyone and everything. His son … my son is dead. He will need our help.”

“I … he’s a Sith,” Obi-Wan tried to explain.

“And what, Sith can’t be redeemed? Sith can’t make new and better choices? Sith can’t save the galaxy and defeat evil? I don’t believe that,” she said sharply turning and looking away from him. “I don’t care what his name is now, he was once Anakin Skywalker. I can tell by what he’s done. There is good in him.”

“Padme, once a Jedi starts down the Dark path, their destiny is fixed and dominated by death and suffering.”

“He saved us all. He and Luke. And now, he’s alone.”

Obi-Wan swallowed hard. It went against everything he had been taught and believed his whole life. But then again, what he believed and was taught said that time travel was impossible and that Sith were incapable of good. Vader had already disproven both points.

And he was alone. Anakin never made good choices when he was left all alone.

It made him dizzy just thinking about it. But then again, it may be the alcohol.

“I will do what I can,” he said finally.