#what if I told you my brain was 100% occupied with thoughts of these two

[wandaslittlebird]

I’m thinking about a WandaNat x Reader fic where Wanda is a voyeur and simply likes to be a dominant force “directing” scenes between you and Nat.

Nat gets to spank you, but Wanda gets to pick the paddle. Nat gets to fuck you, but Wanda picks the strap and the position.

She doesn’t have to edge her with her hands when she can make you do it yourself. A simple “stop.” makes you turn off the vibrator and pull it from your own clit, even though you were so close. “Natasha slow down. She’s not aloud to cum yet, understood?”

“No… daddy please. Please daddy go faster!”

You can whine and beg Natasha all you want, but you both it doesn’t matter. You don’t cum until mommy tells you to.

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

----------------

This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

-------

This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

----

Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

----

Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

---------

My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[stolemythesis]

On the Suicide of a Friend

TW: Suicide I think we're trained as, I don't know, Americans(?) to constantly imagine that we could be the hero in any given story. What if I had said two more things to him Monday night when I saw him at choir? Or, what if I had just sent him the right text at the exact moment he did whatever it is he did (and I do not know what he did and I suppose it is none of my business). And, I suppose this is classic bargaining, there's the part of me that wants to sit him down (something I cannot do because he is dead) and be like "Bro, literally on Monday half the choir was wearing shirts that said 'Gary for President' clearly you are well loved." But then, suicide never exists as a logical thought. No one sits down with a life coach and makes a T-chart and is like "upon objectively reviewing all the evidence, me and my closest advisors have chosen suicide" (Or, well they do, but only in countries with assisted suicide options and only in the face of terminal disease) And I can make some educated guesses on "why" he did, he was a 50 year old single gay man who lived alone and doesn't that sound lonely? But, that's not *really* the reason he did it right? He did it because something went wrong with his brain and by extension his mind. So as a good Christian leftist (even when I'm mourning) absolutely, let me remind us, the living, and the well, to reach out to your friends, especially the ones who might be lonely (even if they've never say it) and remind them that they are not alone. This as an important ministry. I'm reminded of the first verse of "My song is Love Unknown" My song is love unknown– my Savior’s love to me; love to the loveless shown, that they might lovely be. Gary was lovely, and it's horrendous that his brain told him anything else. But, there's a bigger picture. There are cultural and systemic things we need to talk about: 1. Phoenix has been over 100 degrees almost every day of October. I know that seems tangential, but it fucks with our brains and so I want to start there. Climate change is deadly on so many fronts 2. We've built this disgustingly atomized society built primarily on individual's living in a house, and the only proper and adult way to occupy that house is through monogamous pairing, and with the children resulting from that monogamous pairing. That is actually not natural or historically normal. It's deeply isolating to go from empty house into empty car to work where maybe you like those people but it's easy to write off those relationships merely as professional. Gary, you weren't alone, but I understand why you thought you were. 3. Healthcare in America is impossible. It's opposed to the gospel of Christ at every turn, and that's most true towards mental health where it's generally not covered. Very few plans cover it. Even my Psychiatrist appointments (and that's a "real" doctor) come with a heavy co-pay. Gary was clearly sick, but his friends didn't know. Not really. We had inklings, but not this. Healthcare could've seen he was sick, but the insurance industry blocked that from view. So anyways, we live in a deeply fallen world. I'm doing OK. It's a shock, it'll feel more real on Monday when I go to choir practice and he isn't there, and will never be there again. It'll be a shock when I look towards the back of my humble church on my wedding day expecting him to be my friend and guest organist/ianist and he's not there, but we muddle through, don't we? He was going to play hymns, and the Rose Garden Theme from Utena, and Liebestraum no. 3 in A, and the star trek theme. We were going to do a clarinet and organ recital. That's all gone now.

[goodhealthyshiningcara]

Ok I'm going to weigh in on this (always a bad idea) because I think it's strawmanning allistic eye rolling (new sentence never before said).

The up and down flick (↕️), the complete roll(🔄), and, unmentioned, the DIAGONAL flick (henceforth ↗️), are all DISTINCT MOVES, with DISTINCT PURPOSES.

Preface: Im not going to say something like "nice try autists, but you've fallen for my biggest trick yet: unwritten social cues!" To justify why the phenomena I'm describing are distinct, so please also do me the courtesy of acknowledging that even allistics are not always 100% masters of social cues (and I am certainly not 100% of either!) so maybe the people ↕️ing around you are mere babes, children not yet grown, who do truly mean to 🔄, but whose unsteady motions betray them. But I think not.

Preface the second: ↕️ and 🔄 exist on a spectrum, and up then to the side, i.e a mix of the two, tends to be be the accepted implementation, since ↕️ actually has non-🔄 uses. 🔄 Is a subset of ↕️ in other words.

Also, one more nitpick: an up and down motion is still rolling back and forwards, and thus is still Technically an eye roll. It rolls backwards (up) then it rolls forwards (down), like, you know, a rolling pin? (Checkmate, autists) You didn't interpret things more literally, you just interpreted them less flexibly. Also, I don't want anyone to say the words pitch or yaw in the notes, those are not words that people know or use.

Ok. Eye rolling.

🔄 is a highly exclusive maneuver, in particular because it's very exaggerated, too much so for everyday use. It is used for emphasis, when a "normal" eye roll (↕️ or ↗️) would be insufficient. In a normal eye roll, there is an implication that you are looking for something (like a 4th wall break, or a higher power, or inner strength etc). With 🔄, that implication is exaggerated to make a point (I'm looking ANYWHERE for a possible reason to respect what I just heard), but it's all for show because actually, rolling your eyes like that doesn't let you see anything; it's purely for drama. It's also a bit combative, imo, because a less exaggerated version exists (↕️) for when faux-annoyance is called for.

↕️: This is the most common eye roll, and it is meant to communicate exasperation, with the implications described above, but also "I am containing my rage/annoyance by not looking at your dumb face for one second, for even such a brief reprieve will save me relative aeons of torment". Similarly "If I look up here, I can pretend I didn't see what you just said". It's also a way of saying "sigh, this shit again." This is what people tend to use because it's easier and less dramatic, and conveys everything 🔄 does. It is still some amount of dramatic however, and not something to be used with a stranger/within a professional relationship unless you want to seem hostile/rude. Importantly, you can roll your eyes in agreement with someone, and that's fine to do, and actually very sympathetic if you pull it off.

↗️: now I posit that this exists as actually a more thoughtful version of ↕️, almost like 🤔. It's like, hm, I have to mentally track and analyze what you just said because it's somewhat confusing or complicated. In this case, you're looking away not because you are fucking tired of someone's clown -looking mug, but because you need to think and are trying to NOT receive more information from them. You are saying "timeout, wtf are the implications of that". Your eyes are leaving the spatial plane occupied by your co-conversator to linger in the middle distance so your brain can catch up. ↘️ Works for this too. You may instead be putting important information in your memory palace for later, in a diagonal location. Like ok, I am remembering what was just told to me. Typically this is something you just "pepper in" to a conversation so as not to interrupt your conversation partner, and it may require you to say "ok, noted, got it" etc afterwards. Can be used to tease by doing it ironically of course.

In summary:

They are all eye rolls, they occupy specific body-language niches, your art has failed you, and you were insufficiently literal.

[ggukbabyy]

bro... idk about the whole plot of the drabble but it definitely should have some sexual tension going on but i'm not talking about a quick tension, you know... it could take hours or days idk i feel like you would kill it

“No, never,” you comment with a small shake of your head. Taehyung looks indignant.

“Everyone has done something outside of the bedroom at some point.”

You simply shake your head. “Not me.” Your eyes flick to Jeongguk briefly, his gaze drilling holes into the side of your face. He leans forward, forearms resting on the table.

“You’ve never needed someone so badly you couldn’t wait?” His voice is deep and husky, a hidden implication giving his words weight. You hold his gaze.

“The waiting is the fun part.” The corner of his mouth forms a faint smirk.

“That’s where we’ll have to disagree,” he replies, holding your eyes as he takes a long pull from his drink. Everyone breaks off into different conversations, the intrigue of your reluctance to perform sexual acts in a public space no longer the most interesting thing to discuss. Jeongguk appears to be the only one not ready to let it go.

You sit opposite him in the pub, enough people occupying the space that the din of background conversation makes it hard for others to hear as Jeongguk leans across the table once again.

“Do you really believe that? About waiting?” You’re not quite sure why he’s so interested but you entertain his line of questioning.

“100 percent,” you reply without hesitation and Jeongguk nods slowly as he considers your answer.

“You don’t think the desperation to have someone near you, in you, there and then is fun? How is that not better than waiting?” His eyebrows are drawn together in skepticism. He can’t for the life of him understand how you could enjoy waiting. It’s disheartening to hear when he’s spent the better part of the night trying to figure out a plan that would get you to follow him into the toilets. You’ve been acquaintances for about 4 months and he’s spent an embarrassingly large proportion of his time in your company thinking of all the different ways he’d like to spend his time with you if he could get you alone. And not for one second would he want to wait.

“I enjoy the anticipation,” you begin, moving to mirror his position. Jeongguk gets a wonderful eyeful of cleavage and he takes his time appreciating it.

“Wanting it so desperately and knowing you can’t have it now makes it all the better when it does happen.” For most of the sentence Jeongguk is picturing his dick between your tits so he only half hears what you say.

“Anticipation doesn’t change shit,” replies Jeongguk, leaning slightly closer. A small smile plays across your face, head tilted to the side slightly.

“It’s my favourite,” your voice has turned sultry, the alcohol muddling Jeongguk’s brain preventing him from noticing the change immediately. “The person is so close and not close enough, almost touching where you want and you could scream in frustration because two centimeters to the left and it would feel so fucking good, but they make you wait,” your voice is soft and captivating; even with everything happening around Jeongguk you’re the only one he can hear. His whole body feels jittery yet he’s glued to the spot, his chest beginning to rise and fall just a little deeper as you draw the perfect picture for him. “And wait some more, until I could cry, until I’m begging for the slightest touch or kiss in just the right place, so desperate and needy.” The switch from describing a situation to talking about yourself doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeongguk. In fact, it makes the room seem a little hotter, his pants feel a little tighter, his brain seems a little more clouded as he tries to focus on anything but the sounds you’d make as you beg or the words you’d say to get what you wanted from him. Saliva pools in his mouth at the thought of you spread below him close to tears with desperation. Your eyes are alive and wild yet the rest of your face is the picture of innocence and he’s not sure how much more he can take. You’re inching closer to his face across the table as you speak.

“But you don’t like waiting, do you Jeongguk?” You ask and he can faintly feel the warmth of your breath against his lips from this distance. He swallows thickly.

“You don’t want to keep me waiting, don’t like the idea of making me beg for it? For you?” You add on innocently, eyebrows raised as though you’d asked a perfectly simple, appropriate question. Jeongguk can barely form a coherent sentence with his head so full of everything you’ve just said. You stay there leaning on the table for a few more seconds, Jeongguk’s eyes flicking down to your lips, the air around you both suffocating and heavy. You grin widely before leaning back into your chair triumphantly. Jeongguk’s eyes are clouded with arousal, not trying to hide where your words have taken him and his reluctance to return to the real world. By the time he does you’ve moved on to a conversation with Jimin, giggling at his shit jokes. You don’t look Jeongguk’s way once for the rest of the night and it drives him insane.

-----

Two weeks later and you’re at Jimin’s place for a barbecue with a friend. Only Jimin’s housemates are Yoongi and Jeongguk, and no one told Jeongguk you were coming over. Ever since the night at the pub, Jeongguk has fantasised about you more than he would care to admit - even to himself. More than a few times his hand wandered south with pictures of you flashing behind his eyelids, replaying the conversation you’d had over and over, vividly picturing you doing the things you’d described. So when he walks out of the patio doors into the garden to see you laid across a towel on the floor, the smallest bikini he has ever witnessed wrapped around your body, to describe his feelings as shocked is a gross understatement. From his vantage point he can watch you while you remain none the wiser, so he takes the precious time to appreciate everything that you are. Your legs go on for miles and are toned to perfection, your tits fill out your bikini with some left to spill over the side and yearning burns deep in his stomach to have his lips against the smooth flesh, dragging his tongue leisurely across your nipple. Images of you begging for him flash violently across his mind, and he’s itching to return to his bedroom for a few minutes. But then you turn over and notice him, a lazy grin creeping slowly across your mouth.

“Can I help you?” You ask innocently, eyes dancing with amusement at having caught Jeongguk staring. He saunters over to you, arms braced behind him as he sits down.

“You’re in my garden, I should be asking you that question.” Your eyes are glued on the way his biceps tense to support his weight. It should be illegal for Jeongguk to walk around shirtless, even if it is the height of summer. For the sake of your own sanity he should walk around in a full wetsuit - but you’re sure he’d manage to make that look sexy. His broad chest is on full display, the golden skin pulled taut against the toned muscles of his abdomen. Your eyes continue their journey down his stomach, thoughts swirling at the dusting of hair beneath his belly button, following it down until it disappears beneath his shorts.

“Are you nearly done?” Amusement drips from his words as you pull your eyes from their pleasant detour. You fight desperately to keep the heat from your face.

“Almost.” Jeongguk’s tongue pokes the side of his cheek at your answer. He’s used to girls fawning over him, melting into a puddle of shy giggles and doting compliments. Not this. The idea of having you begging beneath him becomes more and more appealing the more you demonstrate all the ways you need to be taught a lesson.

Both of you bask in the heat of the sun in silence, music drifting out from the kitchen, Yoongi’s contagious laughter bringing a smile to your face. Surreptitiously you peek one eye open, looking sideways at Jeongguk. The perfect definition of his jaw is showcased with the way his head is tilted towards the sun, little beads of sweat developing at his temples and clinging to the nape of his neck.

“You should really put suncream on,” you state, shutting your eye before he can catch you again.

“Are you offering?” His tone is bored but excitement thrills through his chest.

“Not really.” Jeongguk fights the smile threatening to reveal itself.

“If I end up burning, it'll be all your fault,” Jeongguk complains, and when you say nothing in return, his arms buckle under his weight dramatically, his back thudding against the grass.

“I can feel the blisters forming already,” he groans, rocking side to side. You suppress chuckles as you watch his performance.

“Unngh,” he groans, turning his head to look at you, a fake pained expression pulling against his features. “I need you to put suncream on me,” he whines, “please.” His lips jut into a pout.

“Only because you asked so nicely,” you reply with an eye roll, Jeongguk all but ignoring it as a delighted grin lights up his face.

While you grab the cream, Jeongguk arranges himself into his original position, a satisfied smile gracing his plump lips as he basks in both his small victory and the heat of the sun. His smile vanishes, eyes snapping open, when he feels the cool of a shadow passing across him only to be faced with you straddling his lap. Your expression is the picture of innocence, eyes wide, head tilted, soft lips slightly parted as you hold to bottle of cream in one hand expectantly, but a flicker of wickedness flashes across your eyes, there one second and gone so quickly Jeongguk could almost convince himself that you’re clueless to the effect your close proximity has on him. But the way your back arches into him gives you away.

Jeongguk hisses a breath through his teeth at the first contact of the suncream against his warm skin and you giggle. There’s no hint of amusement on his face. Having you so close and yet unable to touch you has his mind reeling and frustration bubbling like acid in the pit of his stomach. You smell incredible, sweet and floral, and your hands are delicate as they roam his chest and stomach, eyes completely focused on the task at hand. He sighs deeply as he lets himself become lost in the way you touch him, the way your hands rove confidently, traversing low enough to have him forcing down the urge to buck his hips against you.

Nothing in the world is going to pull your gaze from the path your hands trace against Jeongguk’s skin. From his broad shoulders and collarbones you would be happy to drag your tongue across, to your palm grazing his nipple, noting the muscle in his jaw jumping at the contact. Down, down, down his stomach as low as his shorts allow, over his hips and waist. All amusement has vanished as your fingers explore. Jeongguk’s breathing is deep as you toy with the waistband of his shorts, slipping the tip of your finger just underneath. He’s watching you like a hawk, nostrils flaring as he wills you to just reach down, give him the look so he can take you upstairs and show you there’s no fun in waiting. Instead you raise your eyes to his and breathe out, “I need to do your arms.”

He shifts his weight forward, one arm held out for you, the other sliding around your body, hand resting gently on your arse. Raising your eyebrows questioningly at the placement, Jeongguk simply shrugs, a devilish smile flashing at you.

“What’s the matter, darling?” His deep voice questions. You forego a reply, squeezing cream directly onto his arm. He watches your face with delight as you continue.

“Turn around so I can do your back,” your voice is barely above a whisper. Having him so close for so long is starting to prove difficult. You can’t get your thoughts away from his hands, how strong and big they are in your own, how they’d wrap perfectly around your neck or how easy it would be for Jeongguk to prod and massage your g-spot until you were exhausted from overstimulation. It hasn’t slipped your notice that he’s been getting progressively harder beneath you, every inch of him pushing against your core. It’s getting hard to breathe, hard to look him in the eye - he relishes every second of your struggle with a cocky grin. His eyes are heavy and clouded with arousal and he drags his gaze leisurely down your body and back again.

“I’m sure you can reach from here, darling.” The determined look in your eye has Jeongguk chuckling. The action of reaching your hands over his shoulders and down his back has your chest pushing into his face and a small groan rumbles in Jeongguk’s throat. Your stomach burns with desire at the sound, a desperate need to hear the sound over and over, louder and then whispered into your ear, claws mercilessly at your insides, threatening to suffocate you. Without thinking you push your hips down in an effort to garner some friction against your swollen clit. The manoeuver doesn’t go unnoticed.

Jeongguk’s mind is blank. Your arse is pushing back into his palms, his fingers massaging the supple flesh delicately. With your tits so close to his face he determines it would be criminal if he doesn’t lean forward just a little more. His hair tickles your cheek as he moves, his nose brushing your chest as he gets closer. He flattens his tongue against the swell of your breast, licking a stripe against your glowing skin before sinking his teeth into you. A small gasp escapes your lips, hips rutting against him of their own accord. He groans again, using his hands to push you into him harder, desperation and frustration intermingling at the clothing separating your pussy from his bare skin. He pulls back to look up at you, the muscles of his jaw jumping as he restrains himself. Your lips are so close, both of your chests rising and falling rapidly, each waiting to see what the other will do, the atmosphere suffocating as the tension rises. Jeongguk’s gaze is intense and his eyes flick briefly down to your lips, his intentions and desires clear.

“Come to my room.” His voice is gravelly and shoots heat directly to where you need his touch the most. “Let me touch you, make you feel so good, princess.”

“We can’t,” you whisper back, lacking conviction.

“Why not?” Whines Jeongguk.

“Everyone will see and they’ll know.” It’s a feeble excuse and your resolve to stick with it is crumbling quickly.

“I’ll happily fuck you out here if that’s what you’d prefer.” Your cheeks flame at the idea. “It would be easy,” he continues, mind so consumed with you and his need to have you as close as possible. His fingers skim the apex of your thigh, toying with the edge of your bikini. “I’d just have to pull this to the side and then I’d see your pretty pussy, but I bet you have a tight cunt, couldn’t take my cock all at once.” Your core clenches reflexively at his words and you know you’re absolutely fucked.

“Come to my room,” he states, moving your hips over his with his hands. You smile devilishly, leaning forward until your lips almost brush.

“I’m sure you can wait a little bit longer.”

an; so i clearly don't know the meaning of the word drabble and you said i'd kill it so the perfectionism took over and i couldn't stop until i thought it was good

[jisungscaramel]

vexation | hyunjin

❀ genre; smut, college au, enemies au  ❀ pairing; hyunjin x reader (fem) ❀ word count; 2.7k 

[warning] strong language, explicit sexual content, dry humping, (mild) begging, hate sex

There it was: Hwang Hyunjin, name beautifully printed right above yours. You shuddered in complete disgust, not believing that you were paired with him of all people for your history presentation. There were 34 students in the class; that meant you had a whopping 97% chance of being paired with literally anyone else, but no. Your professor, Dr. Zhang, just had to pair you with him. 

Overachiever: that was an understatement. He was the type to want all of the glory for the taking, the type to enjoy making others feel like they were dumb, the type who had no issue in forsaking common morals for his own gain. 

You couldn’t fucking stand him. 

Begrudgingly, you stood up from your original seat, trudging your feet to sit next to him - at your professor’s instruction, of course. You planned on at least being polite, and you thought for a second that he might do the same, but he didn’t even bother looking at you, staring through to the front of the room, eyes stoic. If he was trying to provoke you, it was definitely working. 

You dropped your backpack to the ground, unceremoniously, sound drowning in the increasing levels of chatter in the small lecture hall, but clearly loud enough to make his composure teeter; his head jerked back a millimeter, a minuscule gesture but it was painfully obvious to you. And you let out an equally obvious slew of snickers before sitting back in the seat, neck meeting the old frayed fabric as you tilted your head back, arms stacking on one another as you folded them, woman spreading to occupy more real estate than you actually required.

You had to at least try to keep yourself amused. 

Hyunjin began scribbling mindlessly on a blank piece of paper - still acting as if you were not even there. 

He slammed the white sheet down on your knee, sending vibrations straight up your leg rather rudely. 

Asshole. 

Oh, baby, he hadn’t even started yet. 

“Okay. We’re doing our paper on I-Hotel and… I’m gonna write it. All you have to do is find these books for me at the library.” He turned to look at you with a very aggravating smirk… maybe you’d notice the tiniest hint of flirtation if the feeling of overwhelming irritation didn’t encompass you. 

But the chance passed when his countenance morphed into counterfeit concern, tapping his chin in contemplation for added effect, “although, I think the library’s computer system is down… I guess you gotta find them the old-fashioned way.” God, you just wanted to smack that smug grin right off his face. “I’d love to help you with that... but I’m just too busy…” It should’ve been illegal for intolerable people to be that gorgeous.

You blinked in complete confusion. “Ummm… excuse me?” 

“I’m… sorry… do… I… need… to … talk… slower…?”

You gingerly picked up the piece of paper, promptly getting up from your chair, glaring at him. You made sure your backpack was secure on your shoulder before dramatically lifting the note in front of his face to tear what he wrote to shreds, scattering the bits over his laptop’s keyboard. “Stick a motherfucking cactus up your ass.” 

You stormed out of that hall with your head high, not daring to look back despite your innate desire to see his response - you were sure it was priceless. 

‘I’ll just have to do this damn thing on my own.’

Oh, if it could only be that simple. 

The first thing that popped up on your laptop when you opened it from the safety of the library was an unexpected email. 

Since you ripped up my list - rather rudely I might add - I’ve attached the list of the books I require. I will be at the library at four PM sharp. Please plan accordingly. Hyunjin 

“Fuck.” 

‘Plan accordingly,’ your ass, according to you, your plan was to minimize the amount of time you had to spend dealing with Hyunjin, and you had been 100% sure he had the same sentiment… so much for that. 

Speaking of the devil, as soon as you decided to dismiss his outlandish request and settle in to get some of your research started, Hyunjin yanked your attention away from your laptop with merely his presence, almost as if your nerves were hypersensitive to his saccharine dipped aura, and most definitely not to the signature sway of his frame as he walked. 

You didn’t dare grant him the luxury of your direct gaze. Instead, you kept a close eye on him in your peripheral, hoping you’d blend in with the people around you… but there was still at least a 92% chance he’d see you.

“Did you get my sources?” and now he was right in front of you, nothing but a measly table in between. 

Your nostrils flared in an effort to not retort back at Hyunjin, eyes still fixed on your screen in a successful attempt to ignore him. 

Then he pushed your laptop closed, hand planted firmly on the device rather invasively. “Excuse me, I’m talking to you.”

You gritted your teeth, tilting your head up in a menacing stare, eyes narrowing, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you want?” 

God, you didn’t know his smile could get more fake than it already was. “I told you to get my sources for me,” his tone was exaggeratedly slow, “did you get my sources?” 

You shoved his hand away from your laptop. “Get your own sources.” 

Immediately his fake smile turned into a sincere snicker, rolling his eyes off to the side. “Uptight bitch.” 

His words sank in for a moment. “You wanna say that again?” 

He leaned over the table, face a mere six inches from yours. “Uptight,” you could feel your fists involuntarily clenching, digging into your palms what would soon be prominent crescents in a matter of seconds, “bitch.” 

You almost raised your palm to gratuitously slap him across the face but the simmering mellowness in you kept a tight grasp of your boiling anger. You leaned back in your seat in an effort to widen the physical gap (or the lack thereof) between you. “Fuck off.”

<><><><><><> 

“Hyunjin, y/n, can you both come down to the podium,” Dr. Zhang added at the end of his lecture, halting your plans to b-line straight to the library. 

As the aisles began to empty, you made your way down the steps to the front of the room, purposefully standing at the side opposite of Hyunjin, frankly paying no mind to him for all intents and purposes. 

Your professor glanced between you two, clearly noticing the oddity of the image but purposefully choosing to ignore it. 

“I noticed that both of you submitted first drafts for your paper, and at first I thought it was an accident, until I opened both files and realized you’re writing completely separate papers. Care to explain?” 

“Yeah y/n, care to explain?” What a fucking dicktard. 

Your lips pressed into a thin line as you wracked your brain for some feasible excuse. “Well,” but nothing came to mind… oh fuck it, “we’ve had issues working with each other.” 

Dr. Zhang raised an eyebrow cautiously. “Elaborate.”

“We really don’t get along.”

He sighed, crossing his arms. “Well you’re gonna have to try to find some middle ground. I’ll give you two a second chance to put a first draft together. If you can submit a collaborative piece by midnight, I’ll still give you full credit for that part. If not, it stays as a zero. Subsequently, you will keep getting zeroes for the following checkpoints if you submit them separately. Any questions?” 

“No, sir,” much to your surprise, that was the first moment thus far wherein both you and Hyunjin were on the same wavelength. 

“Good, that is all.” 

You felt like two negatively charged magnets as you walked side by side up the aisle to the exit. “I’m not getting a zero for this,” Hyunjin spoke up. 

You rolled your eyes. “At least we can agree on that.”

As the cold, crisp air of the outside refreshed your nerves, he lightly gripped your shoulder, swerving you to face him. “Look, I know we’re like oil and water, but I’m willing to at least try to get along for the grade.” His fingers trembled on your shoulder; his teeth lightly grazed his bottom lip, eyes searching yours for a sign of truce. 

Needless to say, the sentiment from him was unexpected. You exhaled deeply, brushing his hand from you. “Fine.”

<><><><><><><> 

But two hours spent alone in a library study room proved to be more difficult than originally anticipated. Trying to work together felt like pulling teeth - a true collaboration of absolute vexation.  

“What about this passage?” You pointed to some text in a book you were sifting through. 

He swiveled his chair around, only looking at your find for a solid half a second before, turning back around. “Nah, that’s not good enough to use as evidence.” 

“What the fuck, Hyunjin? You didn’t even read it.”

“I didn’t have to. I assumed whatever you found was as subpar as everything else you’ve ‘found.’”

You dropped the book on the table with a loud plonk, partially in shock at what he said and partially due to a natural tendency to want to irritate him. “Well let’s see what you ‘found,’” leaning over the table in a relaxed manner, carrying a dash of nonchalance as you scrolled through his writing. “You call this good evidence?”

“What on earth are you talking about?” You wanted to laugh at his defensive tone. 

“It’s obvious that you’re framing your own narrative by taking shit outta context. Not to mention all the ellipses and brackets are terrifically horrendous, visually. You’re taking literally all the credibility out.” 

“What do you know? I doubt you even read that article,” he dismissed your legitimate critique in a manner you unfortunately predicted. 

“As a matter of fact, I did… two. hours. ago. And you told me the article didn’t seem ‘reliable’ enough for you, but here you are… you must think I’m fucking stupid.” 

The side of his lips curved up in the slightest smirk. “Not true, I think you’re annoyingly absentminded.” 

You rolled your eyes for the umpteenth time in the past minute, whispering, “fucking cockmaggot,” under your breath, diverting your attention back to your screen. 

“What did you just say?” His tone suggested he wasn’t being rhetorical - he really didn’t hear you. There was something cute and innocent about his ignorance, the way his lips formed a subtle pout unintentionally, nose wrinkling in distaste. You mentally shook the image from your head, cursing yourself for thinking he was… ‘cute’ to begin with. 

“Nothing, My Liege, nothing at all,” mocking sarcasm spilled from your lips as you parted them to give them a disapproving smack. “This is complete shit; we can’t submit this.”

Hyunjin slammed his laptop closed, standing up abruptly. The action took you by surprise, making your neck shudder in a startle. “I can’t fucking do this anymore. Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?” Pent up rage was slathered all over his face, eyes twitching, eyebrows tightly knitting together, jaw unhinging from an excess of epinephrine. 

His anger diffused to you, violently charging your nerves. There was no way you were just gonna take his shit sitting down. “Why do you,” you stood up, chair rocking back from the velocity of your limbs, “have to be,” you turned around and gripped his collar with both hands, “such an insufferable asshole?” 

He was dumbfounded, wordless much to your satisfaction, but his eyes were unwavering, devoid of reaction. The time you spent stabbing each other with your unfaltering gazes felt like a goddamn eternity, tension coarse, sinfully tangible on your skin. 

It was fucking stifling. 

Before you even realized what was happening, your lips were latched together in a fervent frenzy, tension thickening for an entirely different reason now. 

There was something so breathtaking about the way his lips tightened against yours - literally. It felt like he was siphoning your soul from your body - any thought that dared to grace your mind oddly dissolved into nothingness as Hyunjin molded your lips into submission, tongue colonizing your oral cavity in an authoritative manner that was so in character for him. 

Not that you gave a fuck. 

His hands aggressively tugged at your waist; the impact of your body crashing onto his sent pangs up your spine, and in seconds, your back thudded against the wall, maintaining the momentum. You had to grip his shoulders purely for support, and definitely not because you were immersing in the moment.

You felt his grip loosen as his hands roamed downward, playfully drawing patterns on your skin with his fingers en route. And then they constricted around your thighs, lifting them up to his hips, and you hooked your ankles around his back as if it was the natural thing to do. 

The fabric of his pants became taut around the building frustration underneath, becoming oh so apparent to you when he started steady grinding against the thin fabric of your underwear - why did you have to wear a skirt today of all days?

You passed a reluctant whimper through his lips, wholly unable to deny the way your pulsing desire radiated heat through your core at the increasing friction. 

You broke away from the kiss, gasping. “Hyunjin…” you whispered almost breathlessly, desperation filling you as he continued his tantalizing test of your patience. 

“Hmmm?” There it was: that signature smug grin, but by this point, your senses were too preoccupied to even register it. 

“I can’t take this anymore.”

“Is that so?” He lifted you off the wall, pushing your laptops to either side so he could lay you on the table, spreading your legs to give him clear sight of your dampening sex. He snickered. “You look much better like this…” While ghosting one hand around your inner thighs, conveniently avoiding the place you needed him the most, he undid the button and zipper of his jeans with the other, sliding them down to his knees. 

You found yourself licking your lips at the silhouette of his bulge, now more prominent with less restricting fabric. Of course, he noticed; “so these are you true colors… I never would’ve thought you were such a dirty girl.” He brushed his fingers over the waistband of your underwear. “Where do you need me?” He pressed his thumb on your clit, “here?” 

Your teeth pressed down on your lips in an effort to stifle a moan. “Yes…” and even though you were successful the first time, there was no stopping the sounds from seeping through your lips when Hyunjin slammed his clothed erection on you once more, picking up exactly where he left off just moments ago. 

“Please, Hyunjin…” he pushed your thighs further apart, keeping them in place. 

“‘Please,’ what?” 

“I need you inside me, please.” 

His sinister laugh filled the small room. “I don’t know if you deserve it.” 

“Fucking asswipe.” 

“Now that doesn’t sound very convincing…” 

You groaned in pleasurable displeasure. “Hyunjin… please, I’m begging you. I really can’t take this.” 

“Don’t you care if someone tries to come in?” He raised an eyebrow, partially in curiosity, mostly in amusement. 

You glared right into his eyes. “No.” 

He shook his head, clicking his tongue as he stood back. “Get up.” Any urge you had to defy him before was long gone; you did as he asked and he harshly turned you around by your waist, pushing you toward one of the windows. 

While pushing you down against the glass with one hand, he reached in his front pocket with the other, grabbing a condom. He ripped the packaging with his teeth, skillfully sliding his boxers down to slip the vinyl over him. 

Not wanting to wait any longer, you aided him by pulling your panty down leaving yourself completely exposed for his taking, and you quickly pushed your hands on the glass, bracing yourself for the next few seconds, but nothing could’ve prepared you for that stretch that came. Your wrist slid down on the window pane to bite back a scream. 

“So tight.” 

 ><><><><><><><

A/N I’mma be honest: I had a fucking field day coming up with all those weird insults

[minimel-fics]

Moral of the Story - Part 3

Hank Loza X OC

Their marriage took a turn for the worst, but they made a vow that neither of them had the heart to break. 25 years can change people in many different ways.

I started this with 0 intention of writing another part but ended it with 100% intention of writing a fourth part so expect that this weekend.

Part 1 & Part 2

Masterlist

---

Ruth stood in the driveway, staring at the small house as her nerves flooded her body; the last time she remembered herself being this nervous was when she had performed her first solo surgery. The small house and the lady that occupied it were much more daunting to Ruth than they would be to anyone else. The rumble of Hank’s bike pulling into the driveway caused Ruth to take a deep breath in a last-ditch effort to calm herself.

“You could have gone inside you know, you didn’t have to wait out here for me.” Hank teased as he dismounted his bike and removed his helmet.

“So she could kill me before you arrived? Hank, your mother has got to hate me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.” Hank insisted as he pulled Ruth’s body into his arms to look down at her, “She’s always liked you.”

“That was before I broke her son’s heart and left him alone for twenty-four years only to return too old to bear her an army of grandbabies.” Ruth tucked her forehead into Hank’s chest, the way his large arms squeezed her a little tighter told her that he was not impressed with her self-deprecating words. “I’m sorry,” she sighed, lifting her head to meet his eyes, “I know that we’ve talked about this, I’ve got to remain optimistic but not get too excited because I don’t want to give my hopes up.”

“Stop stressing out so much, everything is going to work out just fine.” The encouraging smile Hank gave her made it impossible not to smile as well.

“Mom, we’re here!” Hank announced their arrival as he led Ruth in the front door. The older woman was nowhere in sight but they were immediately met by a small dog jumping at their legs. “Chichi.” Hank greeted the dog, bending down to scratch between the Chihuahua's ears. They could hear the woman rummaging around in the kitchen before her petite body appeared in front of them.

“Ruthie, it’s so good to see you.” She ducked around her son, pulling Ruth’s body into a tight hug before she finally greeted her son with a kiss to the cheek. “I’ve been waiting for you to come to dinner since the moment Hank told me you two were seeing each other again.”

Ruth smiled up at Hank as she thought about the day nearly 8 months beforehand when she had shown up to the clubhouse to get their divorce papers signed.

“Hank, wait!”

The pen froze leaving a small squiggle on the dotted line that was an incomplete signature. Ruth felt a chill run through her body as Hank’s eyes met her own, her mouth seemed to move quicker than her brain as she failed to suppress her thoughts. “Maybe we should wait.”

Hank sighed, dropping the pen onto the bar as he shifted his large body to face her. “We’ve already waited 25 years, Ruth.”

“You know all these years I’ve been telling everyone, including myself that I just fell in love with the wrong person but being here and seeing you again is making me realize that maybe it wasn’t the wrong person- just the wrong time.” A trait that Hank remembered Ruth having was the habit of speaking with her hands when she felt embarrassed, the fact that he had to lean back to avoid catching an accidental blow proved she had not grown out of that.

“Our lives are even more different than they were back then, Ruthie.”

“Hank, I know that I am the one that came here asking for this but all I am saying is we’ve waited 25 years to do this so what is waiting for a little while longer?”

The large biker was silent for a moment before he clutched the papers in his hand, tearing the documents in half and rendering them useless. 

“Mrs.Loza-”

“Nonsense with that Mrs. Loza, you may still call me mom.”

“I’m sorry that I was unable to accept your dinner invitation sooner, leaving L.A and adjusting to the new hospital was something that was much harder than expected.” 

“You do not need to apologize, as long as you two invite me to the wedding this time and don’t run off like before.” 

“It’s just a vow renewal mom, not a wedding.” Hank insisted, his hand still tightly clutching Ruth’s in his own as he followed his mother into the kitchen.

“It’s a wedding, mijo.” His mother corrected, sending her son a stern look that told him to admit that she was right before she turned toward Ruth. “You must have a beautiful dress?”

“I actually haven’t bought a dress yet,” Ruth shared a look with Hank as they took their seats at the small dining table, earning a slight nod from the man before she continued, “I didn’t want to buy a dress too soon and not fit into it on the big day.”

“We’re trying to have a baby, mom.” Hank explained to his mother as he noted her look of confusion.

“Many years ago, I was reading a medical journal and came across the process of egg freezing. At the time I had been so focused on my career that I knew children were not a thing of the present so I did the procedure” Ruth explained, reached over the table to take Hank’s hand back into her own, “I’ve had a few appointments with an IVF specialist and he thinks that despite being 45, our chances of conceiving a baby with those frozen eggs are quite good.”

“We don’t want to give our hopes up yet so we have discussed other forms of having kids if this doesn’t work out.” Hank reassured his mother, watching as tears began to gather in her eyes.

“My babies are having a baby.” She was quick to jump from her seat, rushing around the table to pull both of the adults into a tight hug.

-------

I loved all your comments on the first two parts, I hope you liked this part as well!

@drabbles-mc @sincerelyasomebody @colereads @saltyunicorn079​ @bellisperennis0​ 

[shoichee]

Hello and congrats on the 100 milestone! Can you do prompt #19 for Midorima? 😁

MAN OH MAN IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME BUT I’M FINALLY BACK, TSYM for being here since the beginning, i rlly rlly appreciate it <333 so HERES SOME FLUFF

Midorima x Reader

19. “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

Word Count: 3349

prompt list here

»»—————　☼　—————««

“Seriously, are you sure you’re not secretly related to Shin-chan?” Takao shoves another helping of rice into his mouth and you instantly frown at his messy eating habits.

“Takao, it doesn’t hurt to wipe the grains off your cheeks with napkins that the cafeteria always abundantly provides,” you say, not once taking your eyes off of the study guide you compiled for the class final. “And please don’t talk with your mouth open.” You can easily sense Takao groaning before slapping his eyes while leaning back in frustration, but you still carried on in skimming your notes instead.

“And that’s exactly why Shin-chan doesn’t know how to approach you,” he petulantly mumbles. You spared a glance above your packets, not catching his inaudible words.

“Pardon?”

“Never mind,” Takao sighs, settling to childishly stabbing the shrimp tempuras with his chopsticks and popping them into his mouth. “You werdn’t gert it.”

“What did I just say about your eating manners?” You roll your eyes, choosing to brush off his words as you continue to devote your attention to your papers. Takao simply opts to noisily munch on the rest of his lunch while being deep in thought, letting you study in some relative peace. He then gets up, tosses his trash away, and plops back down on his seat, and he props up his chin on his arm, watching you completely engrossed in your own world and figuring out how to exactly figure out his next best course of action.

“Y’know what? Screw this, I’m not getting paid to be a wingman for two difficult people,” he dramatically sighs, purposely trying to get your attention, and it worked. “You might wanna start paying attention to poor Shin-chan before he over thinks himself to death.” Takao does an exaggerated shrug and a shake of his head to emphasize the “seriousness” of the situation. You merely frown.

“You never cease to amaze me with your convoluted words. If you want something from me, just spit it out already.” You reluctantly let down your papers to give him your undivided attention, and Takao leans closer, dropping his voice to a hush.

“Look, I know you see him in a different light from the others,” he whispers conspiringly. “And he does too.” He makes pointer-finger motions in front of him to represent “you” and “Midorima.”

“... This again?” You pinch your nose bridge and release a harsh sigh, but you nonetheless let Takao continue.

“Come on, would it really hurt to do a confession? For someone so blunt and straightforward, you’re really dragging this out for way too long.” Takao frowns at your deadpan expression but continues his little movements with his makeshift “finger puppets.” “Once you”—he takes his left index finger—“and Shin-chan”—he brings his right index closer to his left—“do the chu”— he brings his index fingers together to imply the situation—“I can finally be free from the clutches of Shi—”

“I already told you,” you smoothly interrupt, “that we don’t see each other that way. He’s been a reliable partner in class projects and a very helpful person to share notes with. I’m very certain it’s like that on his end with me too.”

“Why do you sound so disappointed when you say it like that?” Takao slowly grows a shit-eating (yet hopeful) smirk. You scowl at his implications. Takao amusedly notes that you’re way too similar to his best friend.

“There’s no chance that we’ll ever get to that stage… ever. Okay? Satisfied now?”

“So you are disappointed at the possible outcome,” Takao gleefully says, his face showing all signs of plans being concocted in his mind. You completely widen your eyes at your simple slip-up.

“I… it’s not a possible outcome, damn it,” you vehemently insist. “It’s a guarantee.”

“Puh-lease (y/n)-chan, how do you know unless you try it?”

“Alright Takao,” you dryly reply. “Why don’t you try staring directly at the sun first before confirming that you become blind from that?”

“That’s not the same!”

“Same logic,” you huff. “Look, you know Midorima-san more than anyone, and even you know how he thinks. He finds the concept of friends and teammates to be pretty unnecessary, and frankly I can empathize with him. If he finds camaraderie to be a hassle already, dating is already beyond off the table. It takes much more to be a genuine friend to him than your average person, and if I do, by chance, confess, I’d be throwing away everything that I built up with him like an idiot… just being like this with him is more than enough for me. Besides, a relationship isn’t important right now, not when class takes up most of the time.”

“Well, normally yes, but in this specific case, there’s an excep—”

“I already came clean with this,” you say, furrowing your brows. “So can you finally let me study for this class in peace? Obviously, it’s a given for you not to open your mouth to anyone else about this.” With that, you tune out any further noise and burrow yourself into your class materials, and Takao could only sigh as he tries to wrack his brain for another way to play wingman.

“... Seriously, they’re both so stubborn.”

———

“(y/n)-san.”

“Hm?”

You turn around from looking at the bulletin to the person who just addressed you. Midorima stares down at you quite seriously before he promptly clears his throat.

“You’re blocking the way, nanodayo.”

“Ah… I apologize,” you say, immediately stepping closer to the bulletin to clear up the hallway. You turn your face to appear fixated on the bulletin board, but still sensing Midorima staring at you, you reluctantly peek at him from your peripheral vision. “... Is there something else you need, Midorima-san?” Midorima looks at the bulletin board for a moment before he turns back to your face.

“Regarding the group project we were paired to do in chemistry,” he starts, “the teacher praised our work very highly and wants to know if he can use it as an example for future lectures. I’m here to hear your answer on his behalf.”

You mentally sigh from the secretive disappointment. Of course Midorima was here for straightforward business. Nothing more, nothing less. Still, Takao’s words begin flitting through your mind now… of all times.

“Of course he can use it,” you smile. “I think it’s an honor to have our project regarded so highly like that, especially since so much effort was put into it… although… I think you’re the reason why we received such a high score, Midorima-san.” You train your gaze on Midorima, trying to gauge his reaction from the compliment, but he gives no such sign away, not any that you were aware of as far as you were concerned.

“(y/n)-san, I believe your own efforts and work ethic shouldn’t be trivialized,” Midorima replies, briefly closing his eyes and adjusting his frames. “After all, you are the one who made this project a cohesive final product, one that is also comprehensible to other peers in our presentation.”

“Ah… well…” You were definitely thrown in for a loop, not expecting Midorima to compliment you back so openly, albeit probably not for the reasons you were hoping for. “... Thank you, Midorima.” In an attempt to curb your growing flusteredness, you opted to stare at the bulletin board again, pretending to be occupied in reading the pinned papers.

“... Right.” Midorima softly clears his throat. “I’ll be taking my leave back to the faculty office. It was good talking to you.”

He swiftly turns around and walks back in the direction he came from, and when you were certain that he was walking judging from his footsteps, you turn your head to stare at his back before averting your gaze.

You frown once he exits out of your sight as you ponder about his particular diction.

“It was good talking to you”? Had Midorima ever said that to anyone before? You sigh to yourself and pinch your nose bridge to chastise yourself. Takao was right; you might’ve fallen a little too hard for the reserved individual, but even still, a relationship isn’t something you wanted to actively chase after.

Amidst your dilemma, you were completely unaware that Takao watched the entire exchange, holding back his laughter from seeing you uncharacteristically look like an absolute love-stricken fool. He got too much of a kick out of seeing the both of you trying to flirt… and an even bigger kick when he saw Midorima turning around to briefly “discreetly” stare at you while you were having your inner monologue.

———

“Takao, I’m having none of your bullshit today.” Midorima simply scowls as he prepares to leave the main building to the gym. Takao merely tags along while taunting him in a sing-song voice.

“Come onnn,” Takao insists, slapping Midorima’s back a little too harshly. “You said it yourself didn’t you? Favorable outcomes come to those who prepare the most. Don’t lie, I know you’ve been planning to naturally bump into our (y/n)-chan in different scenarios. Like yesterday in the hall—”

“You knew?!” Midorima jumps out of his skin to shoot an accusatory look at him, but Takao merely struggles to hold back a snicker at his reaction.

“Shin-chan, how hard is it to say three specific little words to someone else?” Takao sends a frustrated look. “You’ve always gone the extra mile to prepare your lucky items, read the Oha Asa predictions, and do little rituals not just for yourself but also for (y/n)-chan too, yet you don’t want to do a simple thing like confessing?”

“A confession isn’t that simple,” he retorts. “It can alter my fate for potentially worse if I’m not prepared.”

“Jeez, only you can take this so seriously,” Takao sighs, which only earned him a withering look from Midorima’s end. “But then again, it’s nice that you see it as something serious… but when are you actually gonna do it?” His response was only silence, as if he didn’t really give much thought about it until it was brought up now.

“That’s none of your concern.”

“Oh come on, Shin-chan!”

“To be honest,” he says, stopping in place. “The horoscope says that Cancers would be rejected by signs like of (y/n)-san’s, much less be compatible. Predictions state that such relationships between the two would be troublesome.”

“Okay, Shin-chan,” Takao says, patting Midorima’s shoulder. “I know I constantly joke about this Oha Asa and this entire thing with (y/n)-chan, but”—he stops when he sees Midorima giving him another scathing look—“even if the horoscopes state it so, it’s like you said: favorable outcomes come to those who do the most. If you did everything you could, I see no reason to be scared. Plus, you have me to help you.”

“... It’s not that. Part of this is beyond what I can do to prepare. Whatever I do will not influence (y/n)-san’s answer, and that is something out of my control.”

“You know, you could just say that you’re nervous.”

“I am not.”

“Well, if you want me to be honest,” Takao says. “I think it’s because the two of you are so eerily similar that you find it hard to approach (y/n)-san. Like, when’s the last time you’ve met someone as serious and stiff as yo—I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Please don’t raise your fist at me!”

“That being said,” he continues, “Just talk to (y/n) like you’ve talked to everyone else. I mean you both always hit it off when you talk together in class.”

“I… suppose…”

“Trust me,” Takao grins, slightly elbowing Midorima’s ribs. “I’d like to think of myself as an accurate guy in ball-passing and in detecting social cues.”

———

You really tried to carry yourself normally.

You really did.

But a part of you is becoming hyper-aware of everything Midorima does, and being your normally collected self is suddenly becoming a lot more difficult. Studying at your own desk is nigh impossible with both Midorima’s words and Takao’s implications running through your mind. Even Midorima, who normally minds his own business, shoots you pensive looks here and there during class, and he approaches you during break after.

“... Your sign is at one of the lowest ranks in luck today… may that be the reason why you’re not being your usual self?” He studies as you pull yourself together.

“Erm… somewhere along the lines, yeah. Most likely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,” you mumble, rubbing your neck to ease the nervousness.

“Is that so…” he says. He pulls out a small toy that was found in the local gachapon down the street. “Ahem… I hear that your lucky item is this today.” He holds it out in front of you, silently waiting for you to take it, and you gently pluck it out of his large hands.

“Well, what about you?” you inquire. “I’m sure you got this toy for a reason, like say… for your own good luck?”

“Well,” he coughs. “I have my own. I am always prepared for such occurrences should things go awry.”

“You’re always so prepared for everything,” you quietly laugh. “Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I do wish I was more like you in that regard.”

“W-Well, I think you have your own admirable traits to be proud of, er…” Midorima slowly turns red and contemplates backtracking on his words. “I-If you excuse me, I must get going for health committee duties, nanodayo.” He heaves his bag on his shoulder as you wave at him, and he lingers there, debating on something that you aren’t sure what it is. “Might you have time afterschool today?”

“Uh… not that I think of,” you reply. “Are you already looking ahead to the next partner assignment?”

“Actually, no… it won’t take much of your time, (y/n)-san. It’s something quick. Can we meet at the vending machines near the gym? I do have practice around that time, so I hope somewhere nearby could suffice for you too.”

“That’s fine with me, because… I feel like I need to tell you something too or I won’t be able to study at this rate, but if you have practice, shouldn’t you be focused on that more?”

“It’s fine. This one takes… a higher priority.” Midorima fixes his glasses and readjusts his grip on his shoulder bag as he ponders about your own words. “If this arrangement is fine with you, I will be seeing you after school.” You only nod as you wave goodbye at him again, and you exhale a long sigh of relief and nervousness once he leaves. You really wonder if telling Midorima that you had something important to tell him was a good move on your part, considering that you can’t backtrack your words on someone as stubborn as him. Takao may or may not have seen Midorima’s attempt in being forward and silently laughed himself to oblivion in the corner of the classroom.

———

“Were you waiting long, Midorima-san?” You briskly jog with your heavy bag to the destined location to see Midorima thumbing through his book before he looks up.

“You are as punctual as always.” He closes his book with a thud and places it in his bag on the bench before he stands up to face you. “Which is always appreciated considering it is not as common in others.”

“I just think it’s common courtesy.”

“Not quite, considering I asked you rather suddenly to meet me here,” he says. “You aren’t obligated to even agree in meeting me, yet here you are on time, just like with our past project sessions.”

“Well… you did say it was important enough that you put practice as a second priority, and I do want to tell you something too.”

“R-Right…”

An awkward silence dominates the exchange after Midorima clears his throat and goes silent as you patiently wait in agony. You eye at his troubled expression, wondering what sort of thing he was going to tell you that got him so worked up. At the same time, you grew slightly antsier, quietly tapping a foot or rubbing your neck, and you wonder if Midorima was actually waiting for you to say something first.

“I… I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me.”

“I-I believe I may have developed feelings akin to attraction for you.”

“Uh…”

“Ahem…”

Both of you stare at each other in unadulterated surprise.

“... You… like me?” Midorima murmurs, his eyes still full blown in shock.

“L-Likewise,” you reply, opting to stare at Midorima’s bag on the bench instead. Another awkward silence ensues as both of you take in each other’s sudden words and Midorima clears his throat again.

“... Why are you afraid of liking me?” Midorima restores his composure, staring at your flustered state with furrowed brows, thinking that he somehow made you uncomfortable at some point throughout the year.

“Wait… no! That’s not what I meant!” you say, mildly shaking your head. “Uh, let me rephrase that…” Midorima silently watches you as you continue. “Well, you weren’t the person to have romance in your mind, let alone have feelings, let alone for me, and… my friendship with you is something that I treasure, and I don’t want to hinder you with such things that can make you uncomfortable in being around me. That was why I was afraid, although I’ve been in denial about it until recently.”

“I see.”

“And um, I thought that confessing to you would end the friendship we had.”

“... Likewise.” Midorima uses your word against you with an upward curl of his lip. It almost seems like he was teasing you. You grow redder at his response, but he continued. “I suppose the lucky item I gave you provided the most favorable outcome for the day.” You only nod as you processed everything that just happened in a few moments, and both of you went quiet again.

“...”

“...”

“So…”

“... I’m not sure what to do next,” Midorima frowns. “I wasn’t prepared for this particular situation, nanodayo.” You only smile at his own flusters.

“Well…” you say. “We could date, but I don’t think that’s important right now, considering that we still have to focus on school… I mean unless you want to, then we can try to make it work?”

“Ahem, while I do think these things are quite frivolous,” he says. “I suppose we can learn to balance our relationship with other aspects of our lives accordingly.”

“I would like that,” you smile, walking to approach closer to Midorima. “Could we… um, hold hands? If you’re not into that though, that’s okay.” He says nothing in response but his hand slowly reaches out for your own to gently clasp, and closes his eyes in bliss before he opens them to look at you.

“... I must go to practice soon. It’s almost time.”

“I see,” you mumble. “If that’s the case, I’ll be inside the library to cram in extra lectures.” You pull your hand away to separate, but he holds you tighter. “Midorima?”

“... I’ll walk you there, nanodayo.” He peers over your face to gauge any objections on your end, but when he finds none, he gently tugs you along as you both walk to the building next-door.

“I never knew you were into hand-holding.”

“N-Not really,” he quietly says, his ears turning red.

“Actually,” you say, bringing Midorima’s attention back to you in light of the topic change. “I need to thank Takao tomorrow… he’s the one who pushed me to confess.”

“Hmph,” he scoffs. “I do suppose that the idiot has some merits to his words.”

“I do now see what he means when he keeps insisting that we’re too alike in personality and preferences.”

“That just means we’re more compatible than what fate initially predicted, nanodayo.”

“You checked the horoscopes for relationship compatibility? Never would I have thought that such things occupied your mind, Midorima…”

“Urk—That’s…”

[serstolas]

I have a weird writing prompt/challenge for you if you want it. Go to your room pick up the first three books you find, use the first word on page 33, 100 and 42 (you can choose which page number you assign to which book, and write something where you use all three words.

Bonus points if it’s Rebelcaptain related.

Good luck!

As Requested :) 

P. 33, Side Wise by Tim. A Mills.  “No”

“No, absolutely not,” Jyn told Cassian as she pushed him back onto his bunk.  “You only just got out of the medbay and Draven said it wasn’t an emergency.  We’ve already given him a debrief while the medics were looking you over.  Anything else can wait until you’ve slept.”

Cassian gave Jyn a half smile even as he tried to get up again.  “I need to finish my debrief with him, Jyn.  It won’t take long.”

“Cassian Andor, you were unconscious for the entire flight back to base, and the medics have ordered you to eat and rest,” Jyn snapped, green fire in her eyes.  “Bodhi and I already debriefed with General Dravin so you wouldn’t have to.  Now lay your ass down and rest!”

“I wouldn’t argue too much with her right now, Cassian,” Bodhi said in an amused tone from the doorway of Jyn and Cassian’s quarters.  “We already know she will go to the medics if she has to and get you grounded until you’ve properly healed.  She’s done it to both of us more than once.”

“You aren’t as stubborn as Cassian is when it comes to listening to the medics, Bodhi,” Jyn groused.

Cassian slowly lowered himself back onto the bunk.  “Alright Jyn, I’ll rest, but,” he held his arm out to her.  “Only if you do.”

Bodhi hit a snort behind his hand as Jyn eyed Cassian for a moment before she slid into the bunk next to him.  “Alright love.”

Bodhi carefully slid the door shut behind him as he heard the two of them murmuring “sleep wells” to each other, a smile etched on his face.

 P. 100, A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes.  “She”

“She’s everything.”

Bodhi glanced up at Cassian and followed his gaze across the firelit night to where Jyn was talking to Leia and Han.  Cassian’s words didn’t surprise Bodhi, not after everything they’d survived.  The mere fact they’d made it off Scariff was amazing.  The fact that they’d all survived the intervening years and the Battle of Endor even more so.  

“I’m happy for you two, that you found each other in all this madness,” Bodhi smiled.  Watching his heart sister and his best friend weather the storm of the Civil War and all the challenges that came with fighting in it for the Rebellion reassured him that Jyn and Cassian would survive just about anything together.

“I never thought we’d all actually survive this long,” Cassian admitted.  “But now that we have, I think I’ll ask her to marry me.”

Bodhi chuckled.  “As far as the Rebellion’s concerned, you two may as well be.  You’re already listed as each other’s next of kin, and everyone knows about the two of you. But formalizing it wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

Cassian’s eyes gleamed as he met Bodhi’s gaze, then he strode across the Ewok villages towards Jyn. Bodhi chuckled to himself as he sipped his drink.  This had been awhile coming, and whatever Jyn said, he suspected Cassian and Jyn had a long future together.

What he didn’t expect was for less than ten minutes later, an excited Jyn and Cassian to come bounding across to him and Jyn to say, “How do you feel about being a witness to our wedding tonight?”

Bodhi’s browns went up to his hair line.  “Tonight?”

Cassian, who’s hair was a bit mussed and both looked like they’d been kissing for several minutes said, “No reason not to.  Leia’s willing to perform the ceremony.”

Bodhi found himself grinning along with them as he replied with a resounding, “Yes,” and hurried after the two of them to find Leia.

 P. 42, The Oathbound by Mercedes Lackey.  “Hiring”

 Jyn stared out the windows of the coffee shop and let out a bored sigh.  The time between lunch and the afternoon rush always dragged on. Anything between 1pm and 3pm meant they were probably going to be dead, especially since Roasting Rogues wasn’t on a main thoroughfare.  The coffee shop Jyn worked at to help pay college expenses was tucked away on a side street, two blocks from campus.  Most of their customers did tend to be other college students, since the walk wasn’t that far, but weekday afternoons were always slow because most students were in class.  Jyn always worked from lunch to close Tuesdays and Thursdays since she didn’t have afternoon classes those days.  She loved the shop and the owners, Baze Malbus and Chirrut Îmwe were like a pair of gruff uncles who very much viewed their employees as family.

She forced herself to turn away from the counter and began to wipe down the prep area for the second time that hour, just to give herself something to do.  She probably should have brought a textbook with her to catch up on class reading but she hadn’t thought that far ahead that morning.  Just another fifty minutes or so and a lot of classes would be getting out and they’d have a rush.  Bodhi would be starting his shift in another half hour to help with that.  She just had to keep her brain occupied until then.

She was tossing a stray napkin into the wastebin when she heard the door open and the bell above it jingle.  Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Cassian Andor, one of her classmates from her Technical Writing class last semester, wander in.  His gaze was on the “Hiring” sign in the window before he turned it towards her.

“Jyn, right?” he asked.  “Jyn Erso?”

She offered him a smile as she moved to the front counter.  “Yep, in the flesh.  How are you Cassian?  What’ll it be this afternoon?”

“Medium coffee with cream and two pumps of raspberry syrup,” Cassian said as he fished his wallet out of his pocket.  “Also, the sign says you’re hiring?”

“We sure are,” Jyn replied.  “Hey Baze, got a potential job applicant out here,” she yelled towards the back room.  She grinned back at Cassian, “Baze and Chirrut are great,” she told him.  “And they’re pretty understanding about college schedules.”

Baze appeared at Jyn’s shoulder and regarded Cassian a moment, grunted, and glanced at Jyn.  “This that Cassian?” he asked her.

Jyn somehow managed to keep her expression under control, and didn’t blush since she had spent last semester talking Baze’s ear off about the Cassian in her writing class she had a crush on and said, “Yeah, this is him.”

“Hmph.”  Baze handed Cassian an application as Jyn started working on Cassian’s drink.  “Fill that out, drop it on the counter, I’ll get back to you in a day or two.”  

Cassian watched, bemused, as Jyn finished making his drink and handed it to him.  He lifted his eyebrow at her as she did and said, “That Cassian, hmm?”

“So maybe I like you,” Jyn muttered as she let go of the cup.  

Cassian smiled.  “I’ll be back with the application tomorrow morning.  And if you like me, then call you have my number from class.”

Whistling, Cassian headed back out the front door, leaving Jyn eyeing him before scrolling to her contacts, and pulling up his number to send a text.  

[stardust-walker]

WORLD ON FIRE: CHAPTER 3 {LOKI X SIGYN)

Summary: Sigyn was supposed to have died almost 100 years ago. A peace mission to Migard gone wrong and she had never returned. Everyone had thought she was dead until Loki is shown someone who looks too familiar when he comes to Earth on a mission. Sharon Odell. Shannon Orwell. Sidney Orwell. No matter what name she goes by, it’s all the same. Now that Gods and heroes are real, there’s no use hiding who she really is anymore.

Chapter Summary: Loki arrives on the Helicarrier.

Masterlist

Chapter 3: Icarus

Thin fingers tapped nervously on the metal railing as Sidney listened to the men begin to plan to go after Loki. He was in Germany. What the hell was he doing there? He wasn’t hiding either. It was almost like he wanted to be found.

She was just grateful she would be staying behind. “Steve,” she called out as she jogged down the hallway after the man.

The solider turned his head as he continued on his way to the jet with Natasha beside him. “Sidney,” he nodded. “Did you need something?”

Sidney frowned as she walked up on his other side, her nose wrinkled in concentration. “Just be careful, alright? We don’t know what we’re dealing with here.” Lie. “He can be-”

“Dangerous, we know. Which is why you’re staying here.” Natasha interrupted with a look that was somehow both reassuring and slightly threatening. “Steve can handle himself.” The man took longer strides now as the two women fell behind. “Or he should be able to.”

“Fingers crossed,” Sidney smiled weakly.

A while had passed and Sidney still couldn’t shake the worry from her mind. As much as she tried to focus in the lab, she couldn’t. They didn’t even have the Tesseract yet. She should be preparing but she couldn’t stop thinking about that was happening out there in Germany. A sharp pain behind her eye made her lurch forward with a yelp. 

“Whoa hey!” Banner set down the tablet he held and hurried over. He held a hand close to her arm as the blonde straightened up; a hand still pressed over her eye. “Are you alright? What was that?”

“I’m fine,” she assured the man as she waved him off. “I think…I think something just got in my eye.”

“The lab seems pretty clean to me. Everything should be pretty sterile.”

Banner sounded worried. Shit she had to come up with something else. “Cluster migraines,” she hissed through gritted teeth. “I-I get them all the time, unfortunately. I’m gonna step outside.” She hurried from the lab before the man could protest.

Bruce was too nice of a person to bring up the fact that he’d seen the fact that SHIELD had deemed her a threat. There would be more time for that, he thought. Unless whatever made her a threat showed itself before anyone had a chance to push her to whatever her breaking point was. He shook the thought off as he went back to his own work. Fury didn’t seem like someone he would want to piss off.

Sidney pushed her way past armored soldiers as she stumbled through the hallway. The pain had spread from behind her eye to the back of her head and was slowly making its way around to the other side. She hadn’t been able to focus over the past day or so, she was away from the wards she had placed around her house, and that only meant one thing.

“Excuse me,” she practically grunted as she finally pushed her way out onto the deck. It was a lot cooler out now even as she started to feel more and more over-heated. A quick glance over her shoulder told her that some soldiers definitely had their eye on her as she slipped further towards some of the strapped down jets. Something in the air felt different too but she didn’t have time to think as the splitting headache finally made its way full circle. 

Sidney dropped to her knees with a whimper as the few jets that surrounded her shook. Then just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. A breath that she didn’t even realize she was holding escaped her lips as she finally opened her eyes. Everything felt a little bit lighter but it didn’t take long for the dread to creep in.

“You’ll be happy to hear that Captain America has successfully apprehended Loki. With an assist from Tony Stark. Wasn’t expecting it to happen that easy. Would you happen to know anything about it?” Phil Coulson’s voice cut through the silence. Sidney turned as she lowered herself into a sitting position.

She raised an eyebrow. “He came quietly?”

Coulson nodded. At least it sounded like no one had gotten hurt. Still, it didn’t sit right with her that he had come so quietly. He could probably guess that she was there but she wasn’t foolish enough to think that she would be the only reason that Loki would want onto this plane. Or was it a ship?

“I’m sorry that you had to see that.” Coulson spoke again. She didn’t even have to ask; of course they already knew she’d seen her file. Sidney’s face softened as she looked up and met the man’s eye. “I’m guessing that you can be considered a little less neutralized now. Just judging by the whole-” He tapped the jet beside him.

Sidney gritted her teeth and shrugged. “I can only work with what I have, Philip. I had to run away from home. I didn’t have much of a chance to grab the necessities,” she rolled her eyes. A heavy sigh left her lips as Coulson held out his hand.

“I apologize,” Coulson smiled as Sidney took his hand and allowed him to help her to her feet. “Can we still count on you?” 

“He tried to kidnap me. Do you really expect this to be like those news stories of the families crying after being reunited when one of them was off to war,” she questioned him bitterly.

The older man clapped a hand on her shoulder, his smile turned a little more sad as he did. “I’m truly sorry. I-” A loud crack of thunder interrupted him. The attention of both of them turned skyward. 

“Uh-oh,” Sidney whispered under her breath as a bright streak of lightning lit up the sky.

“Is that what I think it is?” Coulson sounded exhausted.

The hair on Sidney’s arms began to stand up from a mix of the electricity and anticipation. “I do believe it is.”

“Damn it,” Coulson huffed as he hooked his arm with Sidney’s to lead her back inside the helicarrier. “Hill, alert the others. We’re gonna have more company once they land. Yeah I know. Well figure it out, please! Thank you!”

Sidney reached up and absentmindedly stroked the pendant around her neck as the door closed behind her. Maybe she should go lay down for a bit. Bruce didn’t seem like he would mind. Besides, she could always make up a story about having some lady problems; that usually stopped any questions. She had too much to think about.

The room that she was in was brighter than the one she’d fallen asleep in that was for sure. Someone’s shoes clicked on the hard ground as the blonde stood and chewed on her thumb-nail nervously. 

“Calm down,” a female voice spoke from behind her.

She whipped around and narrowed her eyes slightly as she placed her hands on her hips. “Oh how easy that must be! Forgive me, Lady Sif. I’m in awe of your wisdom.” She didn’t mean to snap, but sometimes she still felt a bit of jealousy towards the other woman. How she used to dream of being able to be a woman warrior like the Valkyrie or even like Sif . She had no such luck.

“Many are,” Sif smirked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. She felt herself relax a little bit as her friend stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Just as they will be in awe of you.”

Sidney’s eyes popped open as a beeping sound invaded her ears. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, truly. Maybe the incident outside had taken more out of her than she thought it would. The blonde raised a hand to touch her shoulder. Her dream had felt real. She’d half expected to open her eyes and find her friend before her.

She could never be so lucky. The beeping sounded again. With some semblance of grace, she lowered herself down from the top bunk where she had slept and grabbed the source of the beeping off of the small counter.

“You should know better than to interrupt my beauty sleep,” she sighed as she turned and looked at herself in the small mirror. 

“They’ve landed. Come to the bridge whenever is convenient for you, sleeping beauty.”

She gritted her teeth as she snapped the phone shut. Damn Fury right to Hel.

Sidney leaned over and splashed cool water on her face. Her hands shook as she straightened out her shirt. She couldn’t put this off for ever. Still, she was in no hurry to throw herself right into the lion’s den.

It felt like controlled chaos as she exited her quarters and stepped into the hallway. The once bustling area was quiet but the tensions still seemed higher than they had before. The blonde woman took a deep breath and fixed her dark eyes on a spot on the wall ahead of her as she started on her trek. Every step she took, it felt like something in her gut tried to warn her. Pull her backwards as she felt the urge to run back and curl up on her bed.

No. She couldn’t give any of them the satisfaction. 

Plus, Bruce would probably need her help now and at least the lab could keep her occupied. 

Any semblance of rational thought left her as she rounded the corner. Her heart skipped a beat. Her palms grew sweaty as she clenched them into fists. Time seemed to stand still as her brain processed who walked towards her now. Loki stood in the middle of an entourage of armed guards. 

Just as her ability to move kicked back in, she drew in a deep breath. Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold her stoic expression. It became even harder as Loki’s eyes finally drifted from the window of the lab towards her. 

Their eyes locked. The smile on his face grew even bigger as he was led closer still. Where the hell were they taking him?

Despite the group he walked with, he seemed close enough to reach out and touch if he wanted to. The cat had got the canary right where he wanted her.

“Son of a bitch,” she hissed as he drifted out of sight.

“Hey.”

Sidney nearly jumped out of her skin as she spun around to meet the curious eyes of Bruce Banner. “Jesus Christ, Bruce. You always that quiet?”

He raised an eyebrow at her as he shook his head slowly. “No…I think we should go though. You know, safety in numbers.” He smiled nervously, “Besides, that Loki guy gives me the creeps. How about you?”

“I wouldn’t say that’s the word for it,” she mumbled under her breath as she looked over her shoulder one last time.

“Fury does have a way with words,” Sidney observed as she listened to the conversation from her spot on the bridge with the others. She was careful to keep her eyes off of the new arrival though she could feel his gaze on her every few moments. 

“A mindless beast,” Loki sounded too happy as he said that. Sidney glanced at Bruce and placed a hand on his arm. “Makes play he’s still a man.”

He’s just playing games with all of us.

“How desperate are you? You call on such lost creatures to defend you!” 

Sidney could barely even listen anymore. How could this be the same Loki that she had known? He was a trickster, sure. But killing for fun? Thor had always been more one to go off and start a war because he was bored. Something was very wrong…

“It burns you to have come so close,” Loki taunted. Now that piqued her interest. He knew something that none of them did and it bothered her almost more than anything else that he’d said. 

“He really grows on ya, doesn’t he,” Bruce spoke up as the video feed cut off. Sidney let out a snort of laughter. At least Bruce didn’t seem so bothered by the jabs that Loki had surely meant to unleash the beast. He was really a genius.

“Loki’s gonna drag this out,” Steve frowned. “Thor. What’s his play?”

Thor furrowed his brow as he turned to face the group. “He has an army called the Chitauri. They’re not of Asgard or any known world. He means to lead them against your people.” Thor glanced over at her for a moment; she didn’t avert her eyes this time. “They will win him Earth in return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.”

“An army from outer space,” Steve dead-panned.

“He’s building another portal. That’s what he needs Erik Selvig for.” Bruce sighed.

Sidney’s jaw clenched as she sucked in a deep breath. “That’s what he needed me for.” At least one of the things he probably wanted her for anyway.

“Selvig? He’s a friend.” Thor explained. Maybe his time on Earth had changed him. It had sure changed Erik but maybe not so much for the better.

Sidney kept quiet as the rest of the group continued to talk. She didn’t want a part in this discussion about Loki. At least not yet. Something didn’t sit right with her about the whole thing. Something was wrong about everything.

“I don’t think we should be focusing on Loki,” Bruce interrupted. “That guy’s brain is a bag full of cats. You could smell the crazy on him.”

Sidney’s nostrils flared as she bit down on her tongue. Now was not the time to argue.

“Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother.” For a moment, Sidney’s heart swelled with appreciation for the blond man. At least it seemed like he still held some loyalty to the caged man.

“He killed 80 people in 2 days.” 

Sidney let out a low whistle as she glanced from Natasha back to the God of thunder. 

“He’s adopted.”

What?!

She could barely focus on what happened in front of her anymore. As Stark took center stage, a plan popped into her head. Thank god Tony loved the spot light, she thought as she took the opportunity to quietly slip out of view of the others. 

Once she was in the hallway, she kept her eyes down. If anyone asked, she would say that she was on her way back to her room. Hopefully, no one would question her since she’d been…sick before.

Her shoulders tensed as she passed the window to the lab. She was closer now. Sidney lifted her gaze as she passed by her room. Just a little further. Footsteps were coming towards her now. 

“Shit,” she hissed through gritted teeth. As the guard stepped into view, Sidney furrowed her brow and made a show of looking around. 

“Miss Orwell,” the guard called out. “I’m afraid that this part of the ship is restricted.” He sounded pleasant enough but there was definitely a hint of a threat in his voice.

Her brown eyes widened. “Oh! I thought I’d gone too far. You know once you get far enough in, everything starts to look the same,” she let out a high pitched laugh. The guard raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll show you back to your quarters.” 

Sidney held her head up higher as she allowed the guard to lead her back to her room. She didn’t have much of a choice.

Despite her set-back, she didn’t let that hold her back. The blonde woman waited a few minutes before she decided to venture out again. A better plan on her mind this time. 

Her fingers clutched her key card tight as she walked close enough to the wall that she could hopefully hide if anyone noticed her. Some God out there must have wanted her to get answers as she made it without much of an issue. Sure, she’d run into a guard or two, but she’d managed to dodge them this time.

It felt like her feet were rooted to the ground as she stood outside of the locked room. Her brown eyes closed as she focused on the keycard in her hand. If she was right, then she should be able to at least do this. With her eyes still closed, she raised the card to the scanner and a satisfying noise echoed around her.

Sidney opened her eyes and swallowed hard before she took a step inside. She spotted the camera from across the room. From what she could see, there was no light on. Hopefully that meant that no one was watching. 

Her shoes tapped quietly on the grates as she walked up the small set of stairs. Sidney’s heart felt heavy as she stepped onto the landing and turned to face down the aisle. The cage was almost not even noticeable the glass was so clear. If she didn’t think too much about it, the man inside looked like a sick version of someone as they waited at the end of the aisle in a church.

Her arms folded in front of her chest as she took a defensive stance. Loki stared her down as he rose from his seat and stepped closer to the glass. Despite herself, Sidney mirrored him as she too took a few steps closer.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up as Loki observed her. Even though he was the one in the cage, she felt a bit like a rare animal in a zoo as his eyes seemed to take in all of her features one by one. Finally, his blue eyes met her brown ones. They were too blue.

“So you do live,” Loki’s voice was quiet even as a grin stretched across his face. Sidney held her head up high as she kept quiet. “Where have you been hiding?”

Sidney squeezed her eyes shut. In spite of the thought that she’d put into it since she’d seen him in the hallway, she hadn’t prepared for this. She had prepared for death threats and questions about the attempted kidnapping. Now she just didn’t have it in her.

As her eyes fluttered open, a small smile formed on her face. “Hello to you too, Loki. I’ve missed you, love.”

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[punkcupcakestyles]

Love Song

Part 16

Catch up!

So, this was skinny dipping

Word count: 20k+

Rushing down the stairs was a bad idea. I knew it as soon as I stepped down into the living room. I could feel pain taking over my body and rising up my spine, and my muscles screamed at me to stop, to just give up. It wasn’t like Harry was looking for me. He hadn’t even left the room, he had let me walk away from him.

And I didn’t know if the void in my chest was because I didn’t care, or because I cared too much. It was a new kind of pain that weighed on my limbs and made my body feel heavy, and as if even breathing drained my energy. My chest burned, feeling tighter with every new breath, and I felt as if everyone around me was looking at me, pointing their fingers and watching as I had a slow meltdown. 

For a second, I thought about giving in and sitting there on the floor so I could cry all of my feelings out. I didn’t need them or had any use for them, no one to pour them out for. Sam was just confused. Harry certainly didn’t give a fuck. Maybe then, I would remember that I was just fine all by myself. And I would remember that love sucked, any-fucking-way. 

“There you are!” If only I had noticed a second before, I would’ve been able to hide, but before I knew, Diana had popped out of nowhere, and she was already making me follow her through the room, as she made her way to the pool, where the lights were brighter, and the air was cleaner. D was wearing a simple blue dress and a leather jacket, and her long blonde hair was thrown into a messy bun. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and Jesus Christ, she didn’t need it. She looked fucking gorgeous. A tiny little fairy that would bite you if you got too close. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Where were you?” She asked accusingly but waved her hand dismissively before I had a chance to answer. “Y’know what? I don’t need to know. C’mon, we need to take photos for the ‘gram.” 

Usually, I would hastily pull my hand away, and roll my eyes at her so she would notice (and ignore) my annoyance, but this time, I followed meekly. Her touch felt so real, and everything else was so blurry and faded, it was almost comforting. Her hand was small and she had her nails painted a greenish-blue and I made a mental note to ask her for the shade name. 

“Are you ok?” She asked as we came to a halt, and she looked at me expectantly with those huge eyes of hers. And I considered telling the truth, I did. I considered telling her that I felt like my heart had crippled into a tiny ball and that I had a sudden, panicky and crushing feeling that I was destined to live without really knowing what it was like to be loved. But that seemed like the kind of conversation that I would rather not have. Ever. 

“Yes,“ I replied, squeezing her fingers lightly between mine, and trying to be reassuring and believable. It seemed like I had failed, cause she glared at me for a second, and opened her mouth as if she was ready to say something. She sighed, and whatever it was that she was to say hung in the air heavily. “Please, don’t say ‘gram,” I joked, as I resisted the urge to swat the air to dissipate the silence that was screaming at me. 

“I’ll think about it,” Diana smiled softly and rolled her eyes playfully, and I relaxed as a result. I was safe. “Now, pose.”

“Say please…” I teased. 

“Oh, fuck off…” That was all I got. 

I hated taking photos, there was always something to criticize, I always had to think about my smile, my hair, my left cheek which was considerably bigger than my right one and it was only noticeable in pictures. But I did as I was told, and smiled brightly at the camera when I was instructed to do so. What was the point in fighting it anyway? It was easier to sell the dream, I had a lot more to gain from it. I was a happy girl, in the middle of a party to celebrate her boyfriend, Harry Fucking Styles. This girl had her head in the clouds. 

“Good, I think I have it. Y’know what? We should go look for Harry so we can take a few with him. Do you think he’ll be up for that?” It was a good thing that Diana was distracted looking at the photos, cause then she couldn’t notice the sheer panic that crossed my face at the mention of Harry’s name.

No, let’s not look for him. 

If I saw Harry, if I spoke to him, I was going to cry, or worse, I was probably going to beg. The idea alone cut my ego like a knife. But most importantly, I already suspected what the answer was going to be, and I didn’t feel like hearing it.  

Funny enough, we both saw him at the same time. He had changed into a buttoned-down shirt and high-waisted pants, and my heart stopped as he looked in my direction, towering over the room from the middle of the stairs. I wasn’t sure if he could see me, but my knees wobbled a bit at the sight of him. Anxiety took over my body and I kept looking at both Harry and Diana, just to see if she would notice if I just ran away. 

“There he is! Jesus, you two are impossible tonight,” D exclaimed, as she started to make her way to him. I bet she didn’t expect me to grab her briskly and pull her back to me, which made her topple on her feet because her eyes went wild and a little bit murderous when she looked at me. “What?” She spat and at that very moment, I realized that I didn’t have a plan, and if I did, I had only gotten to the first part: getting the fuck out of that house. So I smiled stupidly at her, wishing that my brain worked faster. 

“I’m...I’m hungry, D…” I said. Someone had grabbed Harry for a chat, which probably gave me seconds. I had seconds to leave that house. “I want a milkshake. Can we go get one?”

“You’re on a diet, of course not,” Diana said, and she turned back around, ready to go look for Harry. But I was insistent, and my fingers wouldn’t let go of her arm, keeping her right where she was. 

‘You can lose a pound or two’ were the exact words that the producers had used before they sent me to the most in-demand trainer in the city. So sugar was out and lifting weights, doing 100 squats a day and jumping jacks were in.  

“Then, a burger,” I offered brightly. “I can ask for lettuce instead of bread!”

“You can’t eat meat, S. It makes you all bloated and you know it. What’s going on??”

I was willing to risk it. 

“Nothing, I’m just hungry,” I scowled. It didn’t matter anyway, cause I had lost my chance to leave with some of my pride still intact.

Harry seemed tired and pissed, I could feel the intense waves that rolled off his body as he looked at me. The hinges of his jaw popped up, he was clenching his teeth so hard. A chill ran down my spine and I struggled to look away from him. So our eyes met and I felt myself getting paralyzed as I looked at him getting closer to me. 

I was fully aware that I was an insufferable idiot and that nothing was going to happen. Nor Harry Styles, the singer, or Sofia Welsh-De La Rosa, the actress, could afford the scandal or the unbridled media attention. No, we preferred to control the narrative, it made us look like we had our lives together. So we would simply end the night with smiles and heart eyes on our faces, to Diana, Midge, and Jeff’s delight, and go our separate merry ways as soon as we could.

If he needed me, he could call Diana, and if I needed him...well, I was going to do everything in my power to not need him. 

I took a deep breath to steady myself and repeated mentally that everything was ok. I just needed to play the role, cause that was what everyone was expecting from me: To play the role I had been hired for. Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that and I was the only one to blame. There was nothing more, even the nights I had spent in his bed meant nothing. I was filling empty spaces, taking a place so it wouldn’t go cold. His sweet words were meant for another girl. His touch just meant to keep him occupied. And I was playing a role, nothing more. 

So, I breathed out and smiled brightly at him, as brightly as the hole in my chest would allow. I had to remember that Harry’s girlfriend was not heartbroken, she didn’t feel the need to cry cause she had gotten her stupid hopes up. She was happy and she was loved by the man in front of her. Everything was right in her world. 

“Hi,” I whispered as Harry stood next to me, and I leaned to him, brushing my lips against his cheek. His breath was sharp and shallow and I could feel it fawning over my skin when he looked at me. It made the little hairs on the nape of my neck stand at attention. Silly me, it almost seemed as if he wanted to kiss me. 

“Can we talk?” He asked in the same whispering tone.

“No.”

“Sof…” Harry sighed, and I chose to ignore him, still smiling at him, which probably frustrated him to no end. 

“D wants to take photos of us. Do you mind?” I asked instead. 

Diana seemed like she didn’t want to get caught in the middle of it, and she cleared her throat awkwardly, looking everywhere but us. It was unlike her, because under normal circumstances, she would be tapping her foot, and crossing her arms over her chest as she impatiently pushed us into place. Right now, she stood there, looking at us and doing nothing of the sort. 

“Well, I, uh, I thought maybe I could take some pictures of you guys acting like a couple, like candids, but, uh, we don’t have to do that,” She said. “But it’s ok if you don’t want to. It seems like you guys have stuff to deal with.”

“I don’t want to,” Harry confirmed. “And Sof, please, let’s talk.”

“We’re good, Harry. We have nothing to talk about,” I said and mentally patted myself on my back for not letting my voice wobble. Harry, on the other hand, didn’t look so happy, not even as I smiled adoringly and sweetly at him. His angry stance was coming back, the kind of anger that bubbles under your skin and waits for the right moment to explode. So I was careful as I looped my arms around his neck, and swayed a bit, my eyes focusing on the small freckle next to his lip. If I leaned closer just an inch, I could kiss it. I could kiss him, slowly and sweetly. 

My knees wobbled again when Harry looked at me. 

Being so close to him was not a good idea, cause he smelled sweet and clean, and his blue shirt was soft to the touch, and for a second there, I pictured myself wearing it wide open, with only a pair of pink lace panties, while I lied on his bed. He would hover over me, pressing kisses on my supple skin as he settled himself between my legs. 

Stop. 

“Then, let me talk.”

His fingers burned little holes on my skin wherever he touched me, and I struggled to pull myself back to reality. I had nowhere to go to, he was all-encompassing, all I could breathe and see. 

“I don’t wanna hear it, Harry. I just want something to show on my Instagram feed, keep people talking.”

“Why would we do that?” Harry’s smile was sad as if he already knew the answer and he didn’t like it, not one bit. 

“Cause that’s how PR relationships work. You need promo, and so do I, so why not?”

“Don’t say that…”

“Oh, I wasn’t the one that said it.”

“Sof…”

“It’s ok. I’m not mad.” As the words rolled off my tongue, I knew I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t mad, I was something else. “But I get it if you don’t want to. I don’t want to get you in trouble with your girlfriend. So maybe I should go.”

“Don’t.”

“And maybe we should keep this as professional as we can. If you need me, you should call Diana. And, uh, yeah, I need to go.” The air was faltering, and I was not going to be able to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill down.

I noticed that Diana stopped Harry from following me, which I was incredibly thankful for. I rushed through the room, and barely made it out and into my car before the panic came. 

It was alright. Everything was just fine. 

****

Sofia Welsh died alone, leaving behind 4 ex-spouses, no kids, and 4 cats she was allergic to, Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo. The time and manner of her death remain unknown. A neighbor called the police after the stench coming from her house became unbearable. The myth about her cats eating her face was just that, a myth...

I was going to be a tragic story from Hollywood, wasn’t I? Ryan Murphy would lick his fingers just thinking about it. 

****

@H

Baby, are you ok?

****

@H

Sof, I’m worried, please answer. 

****

@D

Are you ok?

Please let me know if I should reschedule your training this week. 

****

@H

I know you’re mad and it’s my fault, but I can explain

Can I go to your house? It feels like you’ve never told me if I’m allowed to. 

****

@Midge

Let’s talk about your idea of going back to college. I think we can get you into a really good one if you’d like. 

Did you like the car I sent you? You haven’t said anything about it. 

****

@D

Where are you?

****

@Sam

Wanna hang out? I'm bored…

Pizza and Hocus Pocus? It is October after all.

****

@Midge

Fenty wants you for their new underwear campaign. I think it’s a good move. Let’s chat on Friday, lunch’s on me. 

****

@D

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, SOFIA? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

DO NOT MAKE ME GO TO YOU HOUSE LOOKING FOR YOU

CAUSE I WILL

****

@Sam

I just called Cat, she told me you haven’t left your room in days, are you ok?

****

@H

I know it’s late, but I can’t fucking sleep until I talk to you.

****

Good, I couldn’t sleep either. 

I wasn’t even sad, I didn’t feel a fucking thing, but in the worst way possible, where everything hurts, but you just cannot point to what hurts the most, so I was stuck there, suffocating and gasping for air like a fucking dying fish.

I kept watching Schitt’s Creek reruns. The colors from the tv show kept blending in and I looked at it for the first time in a while, wondering how many episodes I had “watched” by now. Mostly, I had been staring at the wall, as I tried to be good and quiet, so slumber would finally come to me. And it did, a few times actually, only to be chased off by the dizzying nightmares. 

I knew I had fallen asleep cause sometimes, when I opened my eyes there was food on my bedside table, a steaming bowl of soup, mac and cheese (no milk, no butter, not too much cheese), broccoli and carrots with chicken and hummus, and every other dish that my nutritionist had previously approved. One time there was even a piece of oreo cheesecake, with the gooey chocolate sauce tempting me to eat it right away. Maybe with a scoop of ice cream. 

I didn’t know if I had eaten any of it. I probably hadn’t. 

4 days without sleep can do mean things to your brain. 

***

Sam could read my thoughts, I was sure of it. 

I opened the door to my room and smiled when I saw him, with his boyish smile that made his eyes crinkle and the stupidly deep dimples on his cheek, standing in front of me. He was wearing a nice button-down shirt, black jeans, and a pair of Air Jordans I had gotten him for his birthday, thinking he looked fly as hell. I still thought they were the ugliest shoes I had ever seen, but Sam seemed to love them. He was holding a medium-sized tube of ice cream, and a plate of freshly done and gooey dark chocolate brownies, my favorites. But it was late, and I probably shouldn’t eat any of it if I wanted to have even the smallest chance of sleeping that night

“Hey,” he whispered and I stepped to the side to let him and closed the door behind him.

“You do know I’m on a diet, right?” I asked him. Sam was already taking his shoes off and propping his feet on my bed, to make himself comfortable. 

“We don’t need to tell anyone.”

“So, the calories won’t count?”

“Of course not. They only count if you worry about them.”

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works.” The corner of my lips twisted into a smile and I made my way to sit on my side of the bed. There was a large space between us, and we both settled on, lying on a sea of pillows. Sam put his hands over his tummy and I could see them rising every time he breathed deeply. 

We stayed quiet for a while, while Sam looked for the exact movie he wanted. When he landed on Hocus Pocus, a childish grin curled up his lips and he turned to me as if he was waiting for me to approve his choice. We had watched Hocus Pocus at least 1,000 times since we were kids, just as we had watched every Halloween themed choice ever since, a tradition that we now shared with my mom and Cat.  

“You look handsome,” I told him. The smell of the brownies made my tummy grumble and I finally caved in, picking the corner of it to eat it. It was still warm, and the outside was crunchy, while the inside was gooey and soft. 

“I was supposed to have dinner with Annie.”

“Oh, what happened?” I asked, pretending that it didn’t bother me. It shouldn’t bother me. But sadness fluttered in my tummy and there was nothing I could do to stop it or understand it. 

“You didn’t answer my texts.” Sam turned to me, with a sheepish smile already on his face. “And Diana called me to ask if I had seen you, so I guessed it was serious and came to check on you.”

“Oh...I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok, Sof. At least, I wasn’t the only one you were ignoring this time.”

“I, uh, I wasn’t ignoring you, Sam.”

“Yeah, you were, but it’s alright. I’m guessing I should figure out the answer all by myself.”

“Sam, I…”

I didn’t know what I was going to say. I just started letting the words out of my lips before I could form an actual answer in my brain. But before I could do that, a crashing sound cut me off, and I was up on my feet even before the echo stopped ringing in the air. Sam followed me, running down the stairs just as fast as I was.

Anxiety had my brain working as fast as it could go, and the worst scenarios flashed in front of my eyes: fire, burglars, floodings, and even a tornado, they all took over my brain for a microsecond. So when we finally got to the end of the stairs, I thought my brain was maybe playing tricks on me. 

Harry was crouched on the floor, as he picked up the shards of a green mug. A dark liquid had spilled all over, and Cat was looking down at him, as red as she could get, while my mom muttered rushed excuses to the boy in front of her, helping him get the broken pieces before someone could get hurt.

“I’m so sorry, you don’t have to do this,” she assured him, but he just shook his head and smiled, that dashing, fucking pretty smile of his, and handed her the pieces he had collected. “It’s alright,” he said, and I felt my knees wobble at the sound of his voice. It was just as sweet and soothing as I remembered it. “It was my fault anyway, I startled Cat.”

What the fuck was going on?

“Oh, honey, there you are!!” my mom exclaimed as she finally noticed my presence. She was standing next to Harry, wearing a bright yellow cardigan over a white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings. Her hair was in one of Cat’s braids, a perfect crown around her head. She seemed happy, her cheeks were a little bit flushed and she looked at Harry with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Look who’s here to see you,” my mom said, almost teasingly. “I was about to call you, but Cat had a little accident.”

The culprit was standing by my mom’s side, as quiet as she could be. Her face was still crimson red, and she was looking down at the floor, unwilling to look at us, especially at Harry. Cat was no longer a kid, she was getting as tall as my mom, and she even used some of my clothes, a full teen among us. But it was as if she wanted to make herself as small as she possibly could right now. 

“It was my fault,” Harry mumbled, but his mind was elsewhere. It was on Sam and me, and the fact that we had come down the stairs together, that it was so late at night and I was just wearing pajama shorts and a loose crop top. Any other time, I would have ventured to say that he was jealous. 

“So, Sam, darling, come with me, help me with dessert,” My mom called and Sam obeyed meekly. “I’m guessing you’re staying for dinner, Harry.”

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother…” Harry smiled at my mom and she beamed right back before she looked at me pointedly. I knew exactly what I was supposed to say. 

“You won’t,” I said to her delight. “It’ll be a pleasure,” I added, just for kicks. Harry smiled at Cat and my mom and excused himself before he followed me upstairs. 

“What do you want?” I asked him as soon as we reached my room and we were out of earshot from my family. 

I had never pictured Harry standing in my room, with his graphic t-shirt and his blue jeans. But there he was, gazing around my pink duvet and lavender pillowcases. He looked at the photo on my nightstand, a picture of my mom, Cat, and I, with the Eiffel Tower shining tall behind us. I had taken us to Paris as soon as I had the money to, and we walked around like crazy, pigged out on overpriced macaroons in a fancy store on Champs Elysées, and got back to our fancy hotel rooms completely knackered every night, with our feet swollen from how much we had walked. My dad had taken us to Paris before, but this time we did it as free women...and Cat. I fucking loved that photo. 

“I was worried,” Harry said.

“You didn’t have to worry.”

“You don’t worry because you have to, you worry because you fucking do,” he shrugged. “And you didn’t answer my texts or calls. And I get you’re ignoring me, but…I just wanted to make sure that you were ok.”

“I’m fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest and sat on my bed, refusing to look at him, with that sweet smile of his, and the concerned frown that formed on his forehead. He had no fucking business looking like that. He had no right to make me feel so much. 

“I’m sorry I interrupted your date.”

“It’s ok,” I replied. I didn’t feel like correcting him, because if I did, I might have to accept the fact that I had spent my days weeping about losing him, and that was not necessary at all.

“But uh, D told me we should set a date to end things. I figured I should talk to you first.” 

Set a date. Oh.

I knew that was the logical step to take, so we could move on with our lives. That way Harry could go back to her, and I...well, I could go back to whatever the fuck I was doing before. Setting a date just made it real. 

The smart part of my brain knew that my heart couldn’t break, it couldn’t do that, not out of love. But still, I could feel it breaking into a billion pieces, and the little shards poking around my chest, so it hurt just a little bit more. 

“I think you should talk to D,” I said, short and to the point, because if I talked too much, I was probably going to cry. And by now, I was fucking tired of crying. 

“Why? I’m not in a relationship with Diana. I don’t give a fuck what she thinks.”

“Technically, you’re not in a relationship with me either,” I offered him a small smile, rubbing my hands on my side in a nervous manner. His eyes followed them and he opened up his mouth to say something, but let a sigh out instead and ran his fingers through his already messy hair. 

“Then be my girlfriend, Sof,” he said softly, just as he gazed up to me. His words caught me by surprise, and I looked at him in astonishment. My heart had lodged itself in my throat, and I had to make an effort to take a deep breath. 

“Don’t be unfair, Harry,” I muttered. I wanted to laugh, but it came out like a dry chuckle, too sad and unhappy to fool anyone. “You need to figure things out before you can ask me that.”

“No,” Harry smiled, softly and sweetly, and I felt my heart break again if that was even possible. “And I’m not being unfair, I’m just…” He stopped when he looked at me, and he bit on the corner of his lips, mulling over his words before he let out a heavy sigh. “I sleep better when I’m with you, and whenever you’re not with me, I miss you and I wanna hear your voice. And I know you do too, ‘cause I hold you tight when you’re having those bad dreams, and I wish you would just open up to me and tell me what those are about, cause I fucking worry. And I know I can’t yell or talk too loud to you, because you’ll get scared, and that you like to pretend you’re living a simple life cause you’re scared about losing everything, but you still rehearse your Oscar’s speech in the shower. And I know you will do anything for the people you love, even telling me to go back to my ex, cause you think that’ll make me happy. So, no, I don’t need to figure it out. I want you to give me a chance.”

No words would come out of my mouth. Not even a sound. I looked at Harry with scarily big eyes, I was sure of it, and remained in my spot on the bed. My fingers curled around the covers and I made a ball out of the fabric, only to smooth it out nervously.

“Sof…Look at me.” I did as I was told, looking at Harry in the eye as he got closer to me until he was standing between my legs and I noticed that there were people having sex in his shirt. He crouched in front of me, and his fingers pressed softly to my thighs, burning tiny holes in my skin. My tongue darted to my lips and I closed my eyes when he took my hands in his. His touch felt so right, so calming and lovely. “Talk to me.”

I was trapped in a vicious circle. His presence made my tummy tight, and I wished for nothing more than to kiss him, slowly, lavishly. Hold his hands and let them embrace me. I was hungry for his touch. But I was also fucking scared, so much that it was numbing. I didn’t know what to do with all of these feelings, didn’t have anyone to look up to when it came to them. If I thought about my mom, well, that wasn’t ideal, selfishness and pain, unrequited love, and a toxic relationship. Most of my life I had spent pining over Sam and even that had been a fantasy. And then came Harry, in all of his glory and all of his brightness, with his sweet kisses and the way he made me feel, and it was so easy to let myself fall. But he chose her, even when he didn’t, and I felt like a second choice secured in a transactional agreement. And it made me feel sick. 

But the thought of letting him go made me feel even worse. 

When Cat opened the door, she found us just like that, holding hands and staring at each other as I struggled to come up with words. She cleared her throat because that was the polite thing to do, and I felt relieved to have found a way out. 

What was I supposed to say? I still didn’t have an answer for that. Cause a part of me wanted to jump into his arms, but the other part, the loudest one, was so fucking scared, I wanted to protect her and tell her everything was just fine. 

“Dinner’s ready,” she said, smiling shyly as she closed the door behind her. 

Fuck. 

My mom was expecting me and my boyfriend to come to join them for dinner, even if I had never told her that Harry was my boyfriend. I wouldn’t even know how to start that conversation, if I was being honest, I had never even admitted to my mom that I liked anyone. My feelings were usually in a box, primly tucked away and safe from everyone. They didn’t matter, cause they were usually unrequited, silly and juvenile, not something to make a fuss about. This time was no different, other than the fact that I was willing to shove whatever feelings I had into the deep end of the box, unlabeled and unexplained until I could forget about them.

“Harry... Could I ask for a favor?”

“You need me to pretend everything’s fine?” He said, not missing a beat as I let his hands go to get up from the bed. I picked up the ice cream tube and the plate of brownies, trying to get myself busy so I wouldn’t have to look at him for too long. If I did, I knew that my knees would tremble. 

“Please...I know it’s weird...”

“Sure. It looks like this is the last time I’ll get to see you, so I don’t give a fuck about weird,” Harry shrugged, and his words took a moment to sink in, making me stop and turn to look at him when they finally did.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, but I didn’t need an answer. Panic was already starting to settle in my bones, making my heart pound so loudly, I could hear the beat. 

“I won’t beg, Sof,” he said simply. He wouldn’t beg and I was a fucking idiot. He didn’t need to add that last part for me to know it was true. A gigantic idiot. 

So, I did the only thing that occurred to me: I got mad. Put the plate and ice-cream down and crossed my arms over my chest as I frowned at him. I looked offended, outraged as if I had the right to be any of those things. 

“But we have a deal, Harry!” I exclaimed and Harry smiled softly at me. He was tired. I was tiring, I knew that. 

“You’re released, Sof. We don’t have to do this anymore.”

“I am a woman of my word, Harry,” I bit, haughtily. “I don’t need to be released. I know you’re in a hurry to rekindle your relationship, but…”

“Oh, fuck off, Sofia,” he cut me off, and I pretty much had to run to keep up with him, as he made his way to the kitchen, where my family was already sitting around the kitchen island. 

Dinner was already served, and plates of pasta and salad were waiting for us. We usually had dinner around the kitchen island, where we had placed six comfortable velvety blue dining chairs, just in case we had any visitors, and I sat in front of Cat and between my mom and Sam if he was around. This time, we were assigned the two seats by the end of the row, right next to Sam. Harry took the spot next to Sam and put his arm on the back of my chair, as he smiled sweetly at me. No one would ever believe that we had been arguing just a few moments before. 

“So, Harry,” my mom said, as she served herself a whole lot of salad, and put almost as much on Cat’s plate. “I’ve been told you’re a singer.”

“I am,” Harry smiled at her, sincerely and warmly. Perhaps he wasn’t used to people not knowing exactly who he was. “I used to be in a band, and now I’m doing my own thing. Have you ever been to a concert, Cat?”

My sister, who was in the middle of biting a huge piece of spinach, was completely taken by surprise by the question, and she put the fork down before gulping largely. Her cheeks were pink and she looked at me for a second, before she looked back at Harry. 

“I went to 1D’s last concert in L.A. Sam took me. Sof was supposed to come with me, but she couldn’t make it,” she said cautiously, readying herself with details in case Harry wanted to check on her story. But Harry looked at me, with a huge grin already curling up his lips. 

“I thought you didn’t know who I was. But you liked me enough to go to one of my concerts, uh?”

Well, that was not exactly what I said. 

“I told you Cat liked your music. And I got the tickets for cheap.” That was definitely not true. They were expensive as fuck, poor little me had to work two shifts forever to pay them up. 

“Oh, c’mon, baby, gimme this,” Harry chuckled and I rolled my eyes, licking my lips and sighing in feigned annoyance before I gave in. 

“I had to save a lot because back then I was a waitress, and I was trying to become an actress and go to college, so every penny counted. But, it didn’t matter, cause Cat and I wanted to go to that concert. That day, I, uh, I worked a day-long shift, cause I was taking the next day off, and I had gotten a call for a really small part in a movie, and they wanted to shoot that afternoon. They told me that I would be in and out in an hour, cause they just wanted to reshoot a small scene, and it had to be quick, but the actress was so drunk, she could barely stand, much less say her lines, so we had to do about 1,000 takes, and we were there forever. So I couldn’t make it to the concert, but, uh, the director told me I was a real champ, and she called me for her next movie, and...here I am…”

“So, I could’ve met you all those years ago,” Harry told me, a small, sweet and sincere smile spreading on his lips. 

“Oh, no, we didn’t have backstage tickets,” I shook my head and laughed, cocking my head to the side as Harry took my hand in his and laced our fingers on top of the counter. 

“I would’ve noticed you in the crowd,” Harry insisted. “You and Cat would have been the prettiest girls in the crowd, I wouldn’t have been able to take my eyes off of you, baby.”

Cat blushed up to her ears. My mom smiled delightedly. I rolled my eyes. 

I would’ve kissed him. I should have kissed him. 

“He is charming,” my mom said, reminding us that they were still there. “And he knows what to say.”

Harry didn’t let my hand go until we started eating and even then, his hand rested on my thigh, the bare skin of my legs covered with goosebumps. I forgot about everything else, about his question and my fears, and I allowed myself to enjoy dinner, and the warmth of the room, and the comfort of Harry’s touch. I felt sleepy and full, and I leaned to him, pressing my forehead to his shoulder as I sighed. He was sweet and familiar, and he was so close that I could press my lips to the curve of his neck. 

I was too satisfied, so much that I could almost ignore the scowl on Sam’s face.

“Harry, would you like to join us to watch a movie?” My mom asked as we finished eating, and after Harry insisted on helping with the dishes. Cat and I were sharing a brownie, while Sam seemed to be incredibly interested in whatever was happening on his phone. “We like to watch Halloween movies in October, and Sam and Sof were watching Hocus Pocus, but I think we could give The Witches a chance tonight. Or maybe Halloweentown.”

“I don’t think I’ve watched any of those,” Harry said, going back to his place next to me and stealing a piece of my brownie.  

“Oh, my God! How could you not have watched The Witches or Halloweentown?” I asked, appalled by the information. 

“I don’t think I have, no.”

“We can no longer be friends, Harry.” 

This made him smile mischievously, and a shiver ran up my spine as he looked at me, leaning back until I could feel his warm breath fanning over my skin. “It’s a good thing we’re not just friends, then,” Harry whispered and my skin covered with goosebumps when his lips softly brushed mine, and he kissed me lightly before he pulled away. 

I was hot red, I was sure of it, I could feel the heat surging from my face, and Harry was enjoying it. His lips were still curled in a wicked smile, which got bigger as Sam looked away from us. 

We didn’t have a proper movie room as Harry did. But we had a ridiculously big TV screen and a comfortable couch full of pillows and blankets, where we usually cuddled up to each other and watched movies and ate pizza. So we went there, and my mom offered a velvety blue blanket to Harry and me, so we could share it. Cat brought popcorn, M&M, sorted nuts, and lemonade, and settled them in the large coffee table in front of the couch, so we could serve ourselves. 

I don’t think I made it to half of the movie before I fell asleep, cuddled up to Harry’s chest, and with his arms looped around my waist. It was easy to do, much easier than when I was by myself. I was lulled by his breathing, and by the lovely warmth of his body. I could feel the rumbles of his chest whenever he talked, and the sweet brush of his lips when he pressed soft kisses on top of my head. 

So when the movie came to an end and we had to get up, my body refused to let him go, and I kept our fingers intertwined as I leaned into his hug. I made him wait until everyone went to their room, as we laid on the couch, cuddled up to each other. 

“Stay,” I whispered as soon as we were alone. I couldn’t see Harry’s face, cause my mom had a whole thing about leaving lights on, but I knew he was looking at me, his whole attention focused on that tiny word. “Please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, we don’t have to do anything...I just...I’m having nightmares…”

“And you want me to cuddle you to chase them away?”

“Yes.”

“Then, I’ll stay,” he replied and I nodded, cause there was no need to say anything else. 

****

I didn’t have nightmares. Not one. I slept through the night. 

But this was not a typical morning with him. Usually, I would wake up to his kisses, softly pressed to my shoulders, my forehead, my nose, my lips, everywhere he could reach. Usually, he liked to play in the morning, if time allowed. 

It was different this time. He had already woken up and was on his phone. Sleep was still etched on his eyes, and he rubbed them lightly, with a little pout on his lips. He was shirtless, and the sheets were pooling around his waist, and even though I knew he had boxers on, black, tight, fucking inviting, it almost seemed like he was naked. I felt like a creepy intruder. 

“Hi,” I mumbled, bringing the sheets up to my chest as I turned to my side to look at him. Sitting like he was, I could focus on his profile, the sharp edges of his jaw, the couple of freckles that adorned his face, and the way his nostrils flared up a bit around the pointy tip. I liked it when he smiled, but that seemed like a lot to ask under the circumstances. 

“Hey,” Harry replied, putting his phone down on his lap to look down at me. “Did you get some sleep?”

“Yeah...thank you.”

“Why would you thank me?” He asked, chuckling lightly and looking at me with curiosity. 

“For staying,” I said earnestly. “You were right, I do sleep better when you’re around. How about you?”

“I hadn’t slept in 3 or 4 days. I slept through the night yesterday.”

“That’s inconvenient, isn’t it?” 

“What is?”

“That I can only sleep when I’m next to you,” I said in a low breath, lying on my back to avoid looking at him. I didn’t say ‘we’, I didn’t want to assume, or have him correct me and tell me he slept just fine without me. That he had plenty of choices, he was going to survive me. 

“It is,” Harry replied quietly. He looked at his hands for a second, remaining quiet as he gnawed on his bottom lip. “Do you want me to leave?” He asked and I didn’t even need to think about it to know the answer. No, I didn’t want him to leave. It almost looked like he belonged right there, in my room, in my bed, spending his morning with me.

“I think my mom expects you to stay for breakfast, would you mind?”

“No. But that’s not what I asked, Sof. Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes,” I replied in a low voice. Harry nodded and didn’t say another word, but he visibly relaxed and let himself sink a little bit further into the covers, getting closer to me as he did so. I relaxed as well, just now noticing how tense and stiff I was, almost as if I was holding my breath, gauging if I had to run or if I could stay. It was out of habit, the survival instinct kicking in. I wasn’t afraid, though, I knew what fear felt like. 

“So, I’m the first boy you bring home...” he said teasingly, and this time he gifted me with the hint of a mischievous smile. 

“I didn’t bring you home, you came all by yourself.”

“I needed to know you were alright, I was going a bit crazy. And you asked me to stay, and that’s kind of the same thing, innit?”

“Yes, it is. So far, you’re the only person that’s ever mattered enough.”

“So far?”

“Well, once you leave, I’m gonna have to move on, don’t you think?”

Harry rolled to his side until he was lying next to me, and if I turned my head, our noses could almost touch. The air got hotter, and the fiery tension grew around us as I looked at him. His skin looked so tan against the pastel colors of my sheets, and his wicked smile made me shiver all the way down to my curling toes. 

“I’ve already asked you to be my girlfriend, Sof. I don’t know what else you want from me. Do you want me to swear I will adore you? Cause I can do that.”

“I just want you to be happy, H,” I said. I turned my face and looked at the ceiling, just in case I would cry. “It doesn’t matter if it’s not with me. And I’m pretty sure your heart's not in it.”

“I don’t think it’s fair you get to say where my heart is, Sof.”

“I know. But I’m sure you’re gonna thank me.”

“You’re fucking impossible, Sofia,” Harry grunted and I nodded, cause there was nothing he could say to me that I hadn’t already told myself. I bit my bottom lip and grabbed his hand in mine, with barely enough pressure for him to feel my touch, but still, so he could pull it away if he wanted to. I was hoping he wouldn’t. 

“I’m sorry, Harry,” I said. “Please, don’t go. Not yet.”

****

Harry requested my presence every day that week. Most of the time, there weren’t paps around, not even one. Sometimes, we spent time in his house, or Jeff’s, and no one could see us, other than a small group of his friends or his band. 

Diana called it an organic outing, where we relied mostly on candid pictures taken by unsuspecting people. It was better, she said, because it made it seem like a real thing, and not like a desperate attempt to call attention by calling the paps on yourself. She said people could usually tell. 

Harry didn’t really need me, and that night it wasn’t any different, but there I was, smiling to his friends and sitting on a pile of pillows, while I listened to Alexa Chung as she told me about the many times she had seen him naked “by accident”.

There was plenty of food, I had made sure of it, I had put together different tapas and bowls. Whatever I could not get in Harry’s fridge, I ordered and hid the packaging away, which made it seem like I could make sushi and that Harry was enough of an adult to have enough things in his fridge to make a small plate with hummus, pita, and some olives and a really nice cheese board and even mini-sliders that I had made out of scratch (and brioche buns that I had found in a fancy bakery around Harry’s house). It wasn’t all that pretty, and I was sure my mom would be disappointed by my hosting abilities, but I managed, and that’s what matters.

I couldn’t stop stealing looks at Harry, and smile whenever I found him already looking at me. He looked like a fucking Disney prince, with dark, curly hair and emerald eyes. His tattooed arms only added to his charm, the way his ink spilled skin looked against the crispy white of his shirt. 

It had been 9 days, 13 hours, and a few minutes since we had last kissed.

His arms were probably my favorite part of his body. Or maybe it was his thighs, or his eyes and the way they glinted mischievously when they looked at me. Perhaps, my favorite part was his dimples and their simple stubbornness, shining through his cheeks even when he tried to maintain a serious expression. I was also very fond of his lips and his sweet taste when he kissed me. He was fucking glorious and he knew it. 

I had lost count on how many beers I had had already. Maybe 3, but they could easily be 5. I wasn’t much of a drinker. My vision was already blurry and I let my body sway from side to side as I watched everyone enjoy the food and the alcohol we had served. It was a birthday party but I still had no fucking idea who was I supposed to congratulate, so I just smiled stupidly at everyone, just in case. It seemed like my safest bet. 

Harry took his time to join my little group. He was happy when he did so, and he sat next to me, draping his right arm around my shoulders. I took that as an opportunity to get closer to him, leaning back to his chest as I molded myself to his body. Harry’s hand dropped to my waist and went under my shirt, the warmth of his fingertips making me smile as he pinched my skin between them. He giggled and for a second I couldn’t breathe, I liked him so much. 

Harry hadn’t asked again and I hadn’t given him an answer, and it surrounded us like a heavy fog that didn’t allow us to see any further than our own noses, not even each other. I could feel it in the last couple of days when he would barely talk to me when we were alone and most of our interactions were reserved for other people. But it felt nice to spend some time with him, and I took whatever I could get. I was the one that fucked up, anyway. 

But tonight, it almost felt real, we were us, and I could enjoy the warmth of his body and the soothing richness of his voice. 

“Alexa’s telling me about the time you went skinny-dipping in Italy,” I told him. “But I’m not sure I want to hear any more stories about her and my naked boyfriend.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Sugar,” Alexa smiled, looking at Harry and then at me as if she was confirming her statement before making it. “He’s all yours.”

Oh, Sugar had lots to worry about. Her stupidity most of all.

“You should try it,” he whispered, as his friends fell into a comfortable chat and they forgot about us. 

“Getting naked in front of other people?”

“It’s quite liberating,” Harry smiled and I turned to look at him, with narrowed eyes and a teasing smile. 

“I don’t know, it sounds like one of those things that’s a lot more fun when you’re with someone else. So, I’d have to find someone to want to get naked with me first.”

“As much as I hate to say it, I don’t think you’ll have a problem finding someone to join you,” he told me and I shook my head in response. 

“Mmmm, maybe, but I don’t want someone else,” I whispered. 

If he had something to say, I didn’t get to hear it. We looked at each other for a moment, remaining silent as we did so. We knew better than to have this conversation while surrounded by so many people.

3 hours later, we were finally alone. I was trying to tidy up around the house while Harry talked to his few last guests and walked them to their Lyfts. Once they left, and no one was able to see me, I would be free to go as well, to my empty bed and my recurring nightmares.

We weren’t spending our nights together, and I missed him terribly. 

“Sof?” I heard his voice before I could see him. He was smiling softly at me, and I stood there, in the middle of his living room, just looking at him as he made his way to me. 

“Sorry,” I said with a lopsided smile, one that gave away the slight buzz of alcohol that still ran through my veins. “I’ll leave...” But Harry was still smiling when he took my hand, and I felt the electricity that vibrated out of his skin. It felt like a game, following him around the house until we reached the pool. It was a chilly night.

Harry let my hand go as he went to take his shirt off. His tanned skin glimmered under the moonlight and I let myself enjoy his taut body, taking notice of every tattoo that adorned his skin. I was almost done counting them when Harry took his jeans off, followed by his black boxers. 

He was naked, completely so, and I could only stare at him as if it was the very first time I had seen him like that. I was drinking him, devouring his naked body with my eyes as if it were the last time I got to see it. And maybe it was. 

“Are you gonna let me get naked alone, baby?” Harry teased and I saw him as he dove into the pool, splashing around like a cannonball. It was only then that I reacted, my fingers flying to my lace shirt to pull it off over my head and letting my boyfriend jeans fall to my ankles. 

Harry stared at me from the pool, smirking as he watched me unhook my bra and pull my panties off and kick them so they joined the rest of my clothes. I was way more careful than him when I got into the pool and I waded to him, standing there with a shy smile as I shivered from the cold water. 

So this was skinny dipping. 

We didn’t talk, because doing so would mean that we would have to stop kissing, and I didn’t want that. I was the first one to give in, crashing my lips to his and hooking my legs around his hips as his hands settled on my waist. It was a fucking good kiss, one that made me shiver down my spine and sigh against his lips as the taste of them flooded my mouth. 

The water swayed us, and I could feel his naked skin against mine, my chest squeezed against him, and his cock pressed against my center. 

“I can feel your heartbeat,” Harry whispered, and his words grazed over my skin, at the same time he trailed sweet kisses down my jaw, my neck, my collarbones. If I let him go, just a bit, he would have been able to continue his way down my body, but I wanted to kiss him more, just to make up for all of the kisses I had missed already. 

So, I kissed him slowly and smiled clumsily every time Harry would kiss me harder, igniting a fire in the depths of my tummy, that made me press myself closer to him, so I could feel every inch of his body against mine.

Harry moved us easily to the end of the pool, and I huffed down as I felt the cold tiles. My nails raked over his skin and I allowed myself to break the kiss apart, only so Harry could continue kissing down my neck, licking and nibbling on my skin to his delight. The cold air of the night made me shiver and I threw my head back, as a bubble of bliss pressed tighter between my legs. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Harry smiled and I felt myself buzz with happiness. 

“You’re the fucking gorgeous one, baby,” I whispered. My fingers had nestled on the nape of his neck and I played with the wet ends of his hair, while my nose bumped against his. “Fuck me right here, would ya?”

“Are you in a hurry, Sof?” He laughed. My cheeks felt hot and I looked away, focusing on a lawn chair that was by the far end of the pool. 

“Well, I know I might regret it if we don’t do it. But you’re right, it’s probably a silly idea.”

“I never said that. Don’t let your head tell you that, baby. And by the way, I love it when you call me baby.”

We kissed some more, slowly and hungrily, because I wanted to and because we could. 

We had all the time in the world. 

Harry squeezed my ass and pressed us closer, as his hips rocked against mine, as the water swayed us. He licked and sucked on my nipples, and smirked with every new moan that elicited from my throat. 

“Now you’re just torturing me,” I said. Harry smiled. It was true. 

“I’ll behave.”

“Oh, I don’t want you to behave,” I smirked. Lust flashed in his eyes and he offered me a grin that made my tummy bubble. “Make it worth the drive home while all soaked.”

“I was hoping you’d stay. Help me sleep better tonight.”

“That’s the only reason you want me to stay?”

“I have a few others…”

“Well, as long as you need me.”

It wasn’t long before we were in the room next to the pool. His skin was cold, and little beads of water ran down our bodies. His fingers tangled in my wet hair, and I stepped closer, feeling his chest against mine as his fingers trailed down my spine. There wasn’t much space between us, so I could feel him, his hard cock pressing against my tummy. 

His eyelashes were long and a bit curled, and they fluttered for a couple of seconds as he closed his eyes, giving in to the feeling of my touch. I wondered how it felt for him, as my fingers wrapped around his cock and I squeezed it lightly.

“You’re hard,” I stated, with a mocking smile curling up my lips. He was, and he grunted deeply in acknowledgment. “What are we gonna do about that?”

“I told you, I have a couple of ideas,” Harry replied, his voice low and slow, laced with lust. “And I need you for all of them.”

Harry brushed his lips over my shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to it. My whole body was covered with goosebumps, and my smile faltered, as I became aware of his presence next to me. Everything was heightened, his fingertips running down my bare tummy while he pressed just another kiss on the curve of my neck. “You know what I want to do when we fuck?” He said. His words made me shiver, and I looked at him, drinking every word of his. 

“What?” I asked in a whisper, leaning closer to him as a fiery need grew in my tummy. I wanted to kiss him, a hungry kiss that would leave us both breathless. I wanted to bite him and lick him, just to taste him. Just that thought clouded my mind. 

Harry didn’t answer and he didn’t need to, cause his hand had found its way between my legs. I allowed him to, gasping at the coldness of his fingers against my warm skin. It felt so good. So deliciously good. 

“I always think about you sucking me off,” he said, and his finger slid down my slit, teasingly. “I love the way you look at me when you do it.” I couldn’t look away from him, at his pouty lips and the way his green eyes turned darker and darker. It was like it reflected my lust, and I could see the fire that was starting to consume my thoughts grow in his eyes. 

“Maybe I would even make you sit on my face while you suck me off, baby, would you like that?” Harry asked, pressing a soft kiss on my neck that contrasted with the deepness of his voice. It was so rich, like honey and chocolate, and it made me melt inside, slowly stripping away any doubts that held me back. 

“I would.”

I let go of my lip before it would bleed, and let my tongue soothe the sore spot. With his eyes still on me, Harry let one of his fingers slide down my entrance, seeing how wet I was starting to get for him. He dipped the tip of his finger and teased my entrance with slow circles. If I moved, if I rocked my hips at the rhythm he was dictating, he would thrust the tip of his finger in, and I felt a slight burn in my walls. 

“And then I’d lick that pretty pussy of yours, baby. Get you all wet for me.” I was wet, he could feel it. He slowly let more of his finger in, and he thrust it slowly, looking at me as I parted my lips to inhale sharply. My walls clenched around his finger and Harry smiled widely, adding the tip of a second finger to the pressure between my walls. 

“Fuck.”

“I would eat you out until you came on my tongue,” he continued as if he wasn’t doing enough already. “Would you like to cum for me, baby?”

his cock, large and throbbing, gliding between my folds, getting wet, and slick with my juices, hitting my clit with its dripping tip. I wanted to feel that pressure, my walls clenched just at the thought. 

“I want you to sit on my cock, I want to bite your neck and your tits and play with them while you ride me. You can decide how fast you want to go, baby, how deep you want me.” His voice was just as slow, a secret between the two of us. 

He had stopped moving his fingers in me, and focused instead on my clit, spreading my folds as his thumb drew circles on the little bud. My fingers were trembling, just as my tummy was, as I stroked his cock between them. I could feel him in all of his fucking glory. It was selfish of me, cause I wanted his attention on me, even when I knew he needed me. His throbbing cock told me as much.  

“I wanna taste you,” I whispered. “Can I? Please.”

Harry kissed me before he said anything else, his hot mouth demanding everything I had, he wanted it all for himself. So I kissed him back, cause that was all I wanted to do. Because even if I repeated to myself that I would get over him, deep in my soul, I knew that I would always want more. Just like him, I wanted it all. 

I went faster, pumping him in my hand and letting my fingers brush over his swollen tip every time. Harry grunted, and kissed me harder, sucking on my bottom lip until I moaned, loud enough for it to echo down my body. 

I wanted to get on my knees right there, but he had a different idea and guided us blindly to the bed, where he sat and I stood between his legs, being observed by him with a devilish smile. 

“Go on, then,” he said. 

I got on my knees, pressing my fingers to his bare thigh before I grabbed his cock in my hand, holding him while I licked a bold stripe from his base to his tip and let my tongue swirl around his tip before I sucked lightly on it. Harry whimpered, at the same time that my eyes met his. Just for him to see, I kissed his length with soft, slow, and wet kisses, my tongue licking on the skin sloppily.

A sharp breath got caught in his throat when I took him in my mouth and pressed my tongue to the shaft of his cock, bobbing my head down as I tried to take as much as I could of him. Harry was thick, even I could tell that, and he felt deliciously heavy on my tongue, his sweet taste almost exhilarating. 

“Fuck, baby, get on the bed.”

I almost refused, cause it all felt so fucking good, but I obeyed, popping him out of my mouth long enough for me to climb on the bed and kneel beside him. Harry didn’t waste any time. His lips attached to my nipple, sucking on it while his hand gripped to the back of my thigh, sliding up until he could brush his fingertips over my soaked slit. Harry licked the other nipple, at the same time his fingers slid between my folds and he thrust two of them in, while his thumb pressed to my clit. 

He was distracting me, to say the least, and heat pooled in my lower tummy, pulsing quickly as Harry pumped his fingers inside me and massaged my throbbing clit. My hand went to the back of his head, and I tangled my fingers in his hair, while the other tried blindly to grab his cock. 

“Harry, please,” I begged. My breaths were shallow, and my stomach quivered quickly, feeling tight as the pressure between my legs grew to a pulsing fire. “I wanna suck you off, baby. I want you to cum in my mouth, yeah?”

I could feel him smile against my skin, and he let my nipple go, peering up to me to offer me a smirk. Go on, his eyes said, and I bent down and sucked lightly on the tip of his cock. It was swollen pink, and I could taste the salty drops that gathered there. I wrapped my fingers around his base, and I squeezed a little, before I started to pump his cock in my hand, as I sucked on his tip and let my tongue press flat to his shaft to bob down just slightly. 

If I looked up, I could see his bleary eyes and the way his mouth hung slightly open. Our eyes met and it was then that he started to work his fingers again on me, thrusting his fingers in my wet center slowly, while his thumb played lazily with my clit. 

I closed my eyes, cause my walls were clenching and my stomach quivered, deliciously, blissfully. You surrender control over your own body for just a couple of seconds, letting the other person tip you over the edge, as they please. 

“Fuck,” I whimpered. It was the only thing I managed to say, because Harry put his free hand on the back of my head, and pushed my face down lightly, so I would take more of him. 

“Fuck, baby…” Harry moaned in a strangled whisper. “Fuck, Sof…”

I didn’t know what I was doing, so I chose to be sloppy, to moan and show him just how much I was enjoying it. Harry’s hips bucked up and I gagged a little bit, digging my nails in the meaty part of his thighs as he rocked them and his fingers went faster and rougher on me. I could feel that edge coming, the bliss that started in the lower part of my stomach and pushed down to my legs, so everything felt tighter every time my walls clenched, and that took over my legs and ran down to my feet to make my toes curl. I was unable to talk, my body could barely keep focused enough for me to keep touching him, 

Harry’s stomach tensed, and the muscles of his legs flexed and he tipped his head back as his high hit him. I could feel his taste flooding my senses, and I kept sucking the tip of his cock and stroked him with a tight hold, helping him ride his pleasure for a little longer. His bliss came in waves, and he smiled as he pulled my hair back, the thrust of his fingers becoming just as lazy and slow as the rocking of his hips into my mouth. 

Harry dropped to the bed when he came down from his high. His hot skin was clammy and his breaths heaved on his chest, but he looked at peace and happy, and he barely opened his eyes when I straddled him and kissed his neck softly. I looked him in the eyes and felt the heat of his skin against mine. His fingertips were brushing my leg, making their way up to the round of my ass to settle there. I kissed him once more, on the lips this time, and shuffled away from him, ready to leave the room and pick up my clothes that were still bunched up in a pile next to the pool. 

“Love?” Harry said and I turned to look at him, still lying on the bed. “Come back to bed.”

****

Nashville was certainly a new city to add to my ever-growing list of cities I should come back to later and give myself a chance to know. But it was all a whirlwind, we went from the airport to the hotel, so Harry wouldn’t be seen. It was a surprise, after all. 

Harry had asked me to come with him to Nashville, or well, he had asked Diana, who had agreed for both of us. He had a few meetings there, and he was planning to join his friend Kacey Musgraves in closing her concert in the Bridgestone Arena. I had no idea what that was, and I was pretty sure I had never heard any of her songs before, but it felt like a big thing, but I found it very exciting. It was the first time I had an actual chance to see Harry do his own thing. 

But if I felt as if we had gone back to normal, I was sorely mistaken. 

I had gone back to my house after that night because it felt like the safest thing to do and because Sam had called me, to let me know that my mom had one of her migraines after she had seen someone had been lurking around the house. She was sure it was my dad. She was now in her room, he said, feeling indisposed. I didn’t tell Harry that, he didn’t need to know, I just rushed home after talking to Sam. 

Harry hadn’t asked me to stay or tried to contact me in any way. He hadn’t even taken my calls. I wondered if he was expecting me to make a grand gesture. Or maybe, he was bored the night of the party and had gotten his fun already. I wasn’t sure of which one was it, and so the fear was paralyzing. 

“You hungry?” Diana asked on our way to the hotel. We were all riding in the same car, Jeff, Harry, Diana and I, and Diana was sandwiched between the two of us. She was asking me, but I took my time to answer, wondering how long it had been since I had a full meal. The last one I could remember was having lunch with Harry on a Friday, the same day his Lights Up video came out. We ate burgers because I was about to start my diet, and I needed to say a proper goodbye to food.

I had barely eaten after that day. I had barely slept. It was hard to do any of those things when you’re empty inside. 

“No.”

Harry looked at me for what felt like the first time that day. Maybe he was now just remembering that I had told him I wasn’t hungry when he offered to make breakfast for the two of us, or that I hadn’t eaten anything while we were with his friends. 

I looked away from him and to the city that was in front of us. 

It was almost night already, and I knew I couldn’t go out to walk around because that would mean potentially ruining Harry’s surprise. Harry and I were supposed to share a room, but it didn’t seem like he was willing to share his bed with me, so I was mentally ready to sleep on the couch (he was the one that needed a good night rest after all), and watch The Crown all night long. If Harry came out, I could pretend to be asleep.

We couldn’t get fast enough to the hotel, I felt like I was suffocating in the car.

I was wearing a black hoodie, a bit large on me, with the letters TPWK embroidered in rainbow colors over the left side, a pair of leggings, and red converses. I had makeup on, a light beat consisting of tinted moisturizer, cream blush, cream highlighter, mascara, and sheer gloss over a pink nude lipstick, that Diana had insisted on putting on during the flight. My eyebrows were done, and I had even gone through the effort of putting an array of fake freckles on my face. This way, if someone saw me, I was officially wearing Harry’s merch, looking flawless and effortless, as if I was born looking like that. 

My hair, on the other hand, needed Jesus, so I had put it in a tight bun that was surely going to give me a headache. 

Harry and I got ahead, getting to the elevator as Diana and Jeff stayed behind, discussing our remaining outings before we ended things. By early January Harry would be a free man, free to get with whoever he wanted. 

That didn’t hurt, not at all. 

The ride in the elevator was silent. Harry leaned the weight of his body against the mirror wall, looking at his phone and biting his bottom lip as he did so. I twisted my fingers and waited impatiently for us to reach our floor. 

I was suffocating. 

On the tenth floor, the elevator opened its doors and two girls looked wide-eyed at us. They were frozen and their eyes jumped from Harry to me, and I was sure they wanted to pinch us, just to see if we were real. I stepped to Harry’s side and beckoned them to get in. My fingers brushed Harry’s hand and heat ran down my body. I peered up at him, but it didn’t seem like the same had happened to him. The girls snickered and kept throwing obvious glances at us, which felt a lot better than straight-up ogling. It had happened to me. It was never nice. 

We finally got to our floor and we flashed a smile to the girls before hopping out of it. The screams rang in the air as soon as the doors closed behind us, and I prayed that they wouldn’t jump in there, but honestly, they probably did. 

Harry opened the door to a large suite, with window walls that allowed us to see the city. The room had a large grey-blue couch, filled with blue and white pillows, a guest bathroom, and a small studio area, with a white desk and a hanging lamp over it. On top of it, there was a small library, with a few books about the city’s music and food. There was a door to the room, and I peeked into it when Harry opened it, and I got to see the king-sized bed and a blue velvet armchair. The door to the inner bathroom was opened and I could see that there was a large tub in it, as well as a ridiculously big shower. 

I put my things on the couch and sat on it looking out at the city as Harry went into the room. What should I watch on Netflix? Maybe I should just browse Amazon Prime, I was going to be one of their stars pretty soon. I picked one of the pillows on the couch and pursed my lips in disappointment when I realized it was a bit too stiff. I already knew I wasn’t going to sleep that night, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be comfortable. I also needed at least one blanket. So I got up and went to the room, as Harry went into the bathroom. He had pulled some clothes out, a pair of jeans, black boxers, and a lace shirt, and placed them over the bed. I stared at them and my feet only agreed to move when I heard Harry’s footsteps coming into the room. I bolted to the head of the bed, picking one pillow and pressing it to my chest before I looked at him. 

“What are you doing?” He asked and I blushed in response. 

“I, uh, I need a pillow. Are you going out?”

“Yeah, I’m having dinner with Kace.”

“Oh…”

He wasn’t inviting me, why would he? Everything went so well just a few nights ago, what had happened? How had he got tired of me so fast?

“Why would you need a pillow?” Harry asked, being kind enough to ignore my bleary eyes. It wasn’t intentional, and I looked away, shuffling between the sheets as I pretended that I was looking for something else. 

“It’s cold in the living room,” I explained. 

“So?”

“I’m sleeping there. You have a big day tomorrow, and I have nightmares. Don’t wanna be a bother.”

Harry rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. He picked up the clothes from the bed and walked to the bathroom, leaving me alone in the room. I rushed to get the blanket and got out. 

Now I wasn’t just suffocating, it hurt to breathe and tears spilled out of my eyes without my permission. I cleaned them off my face, and sat on the couch, turning the TV on as loud as I could so Harry wouldn’t hear me struggle to breathe. 

I don’t know what I was expecting or why I had agreed to come. I had my answer: He was bored and ready to get rid of me. 

Silly heart, don’t worry, it’ll get better. Someday. It had to. I could stop planning my big confession, there was no need for it. 

Harry smelled fresh and clean when he got out of the room, and his perfume lingered in the air. I barely lifted my eyes to look at him, pretending to be too focused on the movie I had on. I didn’t know which one it was, but it was noisy, and that checked all of the boxes I needed right then. 

“Don’t wait up,” Harry said on his way out, and I nodded. I was thankful for the numbness. “And Sof? You should eat something. Please.”

“I’m not hungry,” I said, looking up at him. He looked gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous. His hair was swept back, which didn’t mean much, cause as soon as it had the opportunity, it was going to fall over his forehead. There was a white shirt under the lace one, and I could see the wing of the sparrow. Harry nodded and pursed his lips, but said nothing, closing the door behind him as he left. 

I wasn’t hungry. 

I had confirmed I had lost him about a week ago, before the birthday party. I wasn’t stupid. Something had shifted between us. So, every day, after I got home, I told my mom I had already eaten, and got to my bedroom, staring at the wall while I hoped to sleep that night. Every time, I woke up in the middle of the night, after just a few hours, or even minutes of rest, with my mouth open and my heart racing, screaming internally, after I violently shifted in my bed. The nightmares were many, some of them about my past, and some about my future. In two weeks, I had only slept twice through the night, both when Harry was in my bed. 

Tonight wasn’t going to be any different, so there was no point in trying. 

****

@FionaB @harrystyles is the most charming man I’ve ever met! 

He just asked me to join him for a drink and if I was staying in a nearby hotel! 

@ThisisHanna For real? You’re so lucky!

@commonclown Wait, isn’t he dating @sofwelshdlr?

@FionaB @commonclown is he? He didn’t seem to remember, lol

@juliawhite @sofwelshdlr look at this!

@TracyB oh, please, girl, you’re lying 🤥 

@brokendoll pics or it didn’t happen.

@FionaB @brokendoll of course I didn’t take pics! I was too busy flirting with Harry Styles!! 🤣

****

Harry got back at 1:46 in the morning and I pretended to be asleep when he checked on me. He turned the tv off, and took my phone out of my hands to put it on the coffee table, and rearranged the blanket around me, to tuck me in better. I could feel the beer and the vodka in his breath. 

He went to his bedroom and closed the door. 

****

I slept from around 4:35 to 6:07 am, when I sat on the couch and stared at the city. I had taken my shirt off, and was in a sports bra and a pair of black shorts, with fuzzy socks that didn’t match anything. I had a cup of coffee in my hands, black with sugar, and I enjoyed the warmth of it against my fingers. It felt nice. 

“You do know coffee does not replace breakfast, right?” Harry asked, I turned to look at him, he was shirtless and wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, that hung a little too low on his hips. His hair was messy and his lips were pouty, still swollen from sleep. 

“I’ve been told.”

“We should eat waffles and fried chicken,” he offered with a smile, serving himself a cup of coffee that I had left for him. 

“I’m not…”

“Hungry, I know.” He said, too tired to have that conversation. I almost felt like apologizing. Harry sat on the couch, holding his cup of coffee as he looked at me. It wasn’t a lustful look or even a charming one. He was inspecting me. I looked awful, he shouldn’t do that. “Why are you up so early?”

“I wanted to talk to my mom before she started her shift at the hospital. She didn’t answer.”

“How is your family? Your mom, Cat, Sam?”

There was an edge in his voice as he mentioned Sam’s name, but I chose to let it go, shrugging my shoulders as I replied with a laconic “They’re fine.” I was too focused on the way he was looking at me, and I sat on the couch to stop him from staring at me any further. 

“Can I go to rehearsals with you?” I asked, redirecting the conversation to a better place. I was hoping to spend the day with him, maybe even watch him eat the damn waffles and fried chicken. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. And Kace wants to meet you, she wants to know if Chris Evans is a good kisser,” he said and I smiled brightly, like a child that had had her wish come true. So easy to please. 

My phone buzzed right next to Harry, and he looked down at it as I went to pick it up. He probably noticed Sam’s name flashing on the screen. I jumped up on my feet and avoided Harry’s eyes as I answered the call, turning to the window to continue looking at the city. 

“Hey, Sam,” I said. 

“Hi, sorry to call you so early,” I heard him say. There was a nervous hint on his voice, too bright and smiley, even miles away. It made me nervous, heightened my senses as I waited for the blow. “Did I wake you up?”

“No.”

“The nightmares?”

“I didn’t let them come.”

“Oh, yes, that is a very sensible solution, not sleeping at all.” 

“Sam…”

“I’m sorry,” he smiled. I could see him, blushing and looking down at the floor as he realized he was rambling. He always did so when he didn’t want to deliver bad news. “It’s just that...well, remember that man I told you about? The one that was lurking around your house?”

Fuck. 

“Yes, I do.” My heart had already stopped, knowing what was to come. 

“Well, it was your dad. He came last night, your mom opened the door.”

“Oh.” Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“Cat told me she paralyzed, Sof, I’m sorry. He told them that he was going to ask for Cat’s full custody. Your mom has been in her room ever since, and Cat asked me to come and spend the night, just in case.”

He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

“Ok,” I said in a calm voice, even though I was fully panicking inside. “So, what do you think?”

“That you need to move.”

“Ok, so we’ll look for a house when I get back. We can move as soon as we find one,” I told Sam. I was already running scenarios in my mind, picturing a fully armed guard posted by my door 24/7. Too harsh? Maybe. Unnecessary? I wasn’t sure. Electric wiring came to mind as well. 

“Yes, that sounds like a great plan. And I’m really sorry, Sof.”

“Thank you, Sam, for everything,” I whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I hung up and sighed, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes for a second before I turned around. My family was safe, I was safe. Everything was ok.

I turned to look at Harry, who had gotten up from the couch and gone to stand by the little “kitchen” counter. One couldn’t cook in there, but there were a coffee machine and cups and little plates, and Harry’s cup was already on it. He was looking at me, with such visceral eyes that I shuddered. 

“I was thinking…” he said. “Maybe it’s not a good idea for you to come to rehearsal.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. I didn’t have enough energy to even ask why. The air was too heavy and I could suddenly feel it weighing down my shoulders. I didn’t feel like being alone all morning. I needed Harry more than I had ever needed him before. “It’s ok. Can I still go to the concert? I was looking forward to seeing you perform.”

“Whatever you want,” Harry shrugged in response.

****

The venue was packed. I don’t know why that surprised me. 

The room was vibrating with excitement, and joyful chatter and I bobbed my head to the sound of the music. Kacey was already on stage, and I could see her in a little monitor, looking gorgeous with her pink outfit. It was pretty much like a movie set, people running around and shouting while she performed as if everything was perfect. 

Harry was getting ready, but he had barely acknowledged my presence since I got there, so it wasn’t like he was going to talk to me anyway. 

Once Harry walked to the stage, I was supposed to sit in a VIP booth, secluded from the crowd, but visible enough so people would notice me. 

I had considered the possibility of not coming. I had spent most of the day by myself, walking around the vicinity of the hotel, so I wouldn’t drive myself crazy. So I wouldn’t have to think about Harry, or my dad, or my mom, or the way that everything in my life seemed to be imploding. 

I walked until my feet hurt and I knew that I was gonna be in pain the next day. The hours that I still had before the concert I burned playing with makeup I had bought and listening to heartbreak songs. 

But even if I decided not to go, Diana would have never allowed me to. She knocked on my door when it was time and waited impatiently by my side as I finished putting my makeup on. I was taking my time, my lips were red and my eyes smoked out pink, cause tonight I didn’t feel like being discreet. I had put on a pair of black jeans, and a leather jacket, and a soft pink top, and my hair was in a loose braid that would not survive to the end of the night.

So, there I was, staring at Kacey Musgraves on a tiny monitor, while Harry ignored me. 

“Harry, you’re up in 5!” Someone yelled and my heart raced at the idea of finally seeing him. I turned, smiling brightly despite myself, and walked to him to wish him luck.

He looked stunning. His black pants reached his waist and the open chest of his shirt accentuated his tan skin. I stopped, waiting for the crowd around him to dissipate, but that didn’t happen, because they dragged him out to the stage before I even got close. 

Harry looked back, right before stepping out of the doors, and I smiled when our eyes met. Then, he was gone. 

If the crowd was expecting Harry, they hid it well. The arena roared as soon as the lights went out and Harry came into the stage mid-song. The energy electrified the air and I got goosebumps, looking at him singing along with his Kacey. The crowd sang along with them, and I wished I knew the lyrics, smiling widely when he sang and waved at the crowd, and even laughed at his Yeeehaw scream. It lasted less than 5 minutes, but I was probably going to remember that night for the rest of my life. 

It was the night when I finally accepted that I lost him, and the night where I had seen him shine as bright as only he could. 

“Can I stay here?” I asked Diana, as I saw her getting ready to go backstage. “I want to see the rest of the concert.” 

She narrowed her eyes and looked at me, licking her pink lips as she leaned closer so no one would hear her. 

“Why? You don’t even like country music.”

She was right. I also didn’t like feeling small. 

“Please.”

Diana nodded and got back to her spot, begrudgingly staying to enjoy the show. There was whiskey in her breath, which they kept offering us backstage, calling it Tennessee Whiskey with a wink on their faces. I had no idea what it meant. I had a couple of drinks anyway. 

I didn’t leave until Kacey did, and I stayed behind while everyone in the room clapped for her. Harry was already wearing a white cotton shirt and he smiled sweetly at his friend and hugged her tightly, whispering words to her ear. 

“Oh! So she’s the famous Sof!!” She exclaimed when I approached and she opened up her arms to me, smiling as she waited for my hug. “Jesus, the camera doesn’t make you justice.” She rubbed my back and pulled me close, and I hugged her back. 

“It was a lovely concert,” I smiled when she let me go. “Thanks for having me.”

“It’s alright, Sugar, I couldn’t wait to meet you.” she looked at her friend and smiled mischievously. “Harry’s smitten.”

“Good,” I said, looking at Harry as I did. A small smile curled at the corner of his lips, gone so fast that I could have easily missed it if I blinked. “So am I.”

“Disgustingly cute. Are you coming to the party, babe?” She asked, already looking somewhere else, she was being called. 

“I…”

“Sof’s tired, Kace, she can’t come,” Harry interrupted me and I looked at him with eyes wide with surprise. I was not, I was full of energy and I was hoping I would get to spend some time with Harry, even if it was just looking at him from afar. It took me a second to recover, to understand what was going on, and I smiled at Harry and Kacey, just as another piece of my heart broke. 

“Oh, are you sure?” Kacey pouted. 

“Yes, I uh, I spent the night reading new projects.”

“Oh, well, that’s the life of an artist for ya. You don’t mind if Harry comes for a little while, do ya?”

“Oh, no, please, have fun! I’ll just, I’m heading back to the hotel.”

“Next time you’re in Nashville, you and I will party until the sun rises the next day, promise?”

“Absolutely, as a matter of fact, we should schedule it right now!”

Kacey laughed and waved us away before she walked and made her way to a different group of friends. 

“Can I say something before I leave?” I asked Harry, who was actively avoiding my eyes. I wondered how we must look, standing awkwardly by each other’s side while no one looked the other in the eyes. “I think you were fantastic. I liked the duet.”

“You did?”

“Yes! I hope I get to see you at a concert someday when this is all over. I’ll probably skip next tour, tho.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause, it will take me a while to get over you. But don’t worry, I’ll be ok.” A smile broke on my face, cause I knew I wasn’t lying. It might take me some time to lick my wounds, but I was gonna make it. I always did. And someday, I was gonna try again. 

****

I texted Diana to let her know that I had gotten my own room and that I was going home on the first flight in the morning. I had already bought the tickets. I didn’t know if she was going to read it, because she was already dizzy and drunk when I left for the hotel, but I felt better letting her know. I also significantly decreased my chances of being murdered that night. 

There was one perk of being famous: you could get things you usually wouldn’t. Like a fried chicken sandwich, with cheese and bacon, fries, and a chocolate milkshake with a cherry on top, when the kitchen was already closed. Even if you’re not going to eat it. 

My new room was on a lower floor, so I didn’t have the same view Harry did, but I was still sitting by the window, with the TV as background, as I read a thriller book on my iPad. It was called The Last Mrs. Parrish, and maybe it was not the ideal book for my already sour mood, but I was in a rush to finish it, cause I had a hunch it would be a perfect drama series for me to become a producer. It was an idea that had started to run my mind in one of my sleepless nights, feverish, and fuzzy. This night was just as good as any to start shaping my idea up. I was supposed to spend 2 more days in Nashville, as Harry had a few meetings, and he wanted to see if he could visit some friends, so I was wondering if I should just stay, and finish the book there. But I had already booked my flight, 7 am the next day, and my poor heart was not up for anymore hurting. 

There was a knock on the door and I was tempted to ignore it. I continued reading for a few more seconds, hoping that they went away. I was pretty damn comfortable and cozy under my blanket, and if I moved just an inch, I would never get back to being as comfy. There was a second knock, and I grunted, scrambling to get up and walk to the door to open it up. 

It shouldn’t have surprised me when I saw Harry, leaning into the door frame with one hand, while the other was resting over his hips. He had just showered, his hair was still wet, and he was wearing a simple white shirt with grey sweatpants as if he had gotten ready to sleep when he remembered I was supposed to be sharing the room with him. I was about to close the door on him when I noticed two girls staring at us, trying to hide behind a large plant in a far corner. So I stepped to the side and allowed him in without saying a word. 

“Diana told me you had asked for your room,” he said. 

“I did,” I nodded. Harry followed as I made my way back to the window, and sat down on the floor, right next to me. I pulled the blanket over my legs and picked the iPad to prop it on my lap, as Harry picked one of the cold fries and bit into it. He made a sour face, before he put half of it back, and leaned over the plate to inspect the food. My heart raced as he picked up the orange bottle with the white cap, filled with white little pills. He looked at the label and then, turned to me with a deep frown etched between his eyebrows. 

“Did you order this and didn’t eat it?” He asked, which was the safest question I could get. 

“I ordered and then realized I didn’t want it.”

“Have you eaten something today?” Harry pressed. 

“I ate something,” I shrugged. “And don’t worry, you don’t have to pretend you care anymore.”

“What are you talking about, Sof??”

“I’ve realized that I’ve been selfish,” I started, licking my lips as I tried to organize my thoughts and remember the words that I had practiced and repeated a billion times since I left the concert venue. “And that I should’ve let you end things that night at my place. So, I’m doing that, you’re released. And now, you don’t have to pretend you worry if I don’t eat.”

“Or if you take sleeping pills.”

“I bought that on my way to the hotel and then decided against it,” I explained despite myself. “But, no, you don’t have to worry about that either.” 

Harry looked at me for what it felt like an eternity. There was a pang of sadness in his green eyes, and I had to restrain myself to not kiss his cheek and tell him that it’d be alright. He looked like a lost kid.  

“I have a request,” I said, following the script I had set for myself. If Harry just followed it, it would be amazing.  

“What?” He said, and I smiled at his unintentional good behavior. 

“Can you wait for a little bit before you officially get back with your ex? I mean, publicly. I know it’s not fair, but I…I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Would you do the same?” Harry asked and I almost laughed.  

“I’m not worth all the trouble I am, and I’m not getting in a PR relationship again, so…” I shrugged. Harry was too serious, looking at me with concern and sadness and I couldn’t bear it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Don’t say you’re not worth the trouble.”

“Jesus, I’m not,” I rolled my eyes, as Harry got closer and his fingers brushed over mine before he pulled them away. Maybe he remembered that we weren’t supposed to be doing anything like that. “Can I tell you a story?” I asked, and I put the iPad down to turn to him. This was not a part of my plan, but I wanted to tell him this, let him know what he meant to me before he went away. 

“Please, so I don’t have to go to my room so soon.”

“Ok, so when I was little, my aunt Laura, she was my mom’s little sister and my favorite person in the entire world, she usually told me “don’t just settle for any man, love should be special” and stuff like that,” I was smiling at the memory, and I could see the little dimples on Harry’s cheeks as he looked at me. “She never got married and she couldn’t stand my dad, so she wasn’t allowed at my house. But she went anyway, it was our little secret. One day, my dad got home earlier and he found her there, so she took me to my room and went back down to talk to my mom and dad. Before she left, she told me to go to my special place.” There was so much I didn’t notice back then. So much I could’ve done. I could’ve screamed. I could’ve told. 

“You had a special place?”

“It was my closet. My mom put pillows and a lantern in there, so I could read. I was supposed to be safe there,” I explained, rolling my lips into my teeth and inhaling deeply before I let out a big sigh. “So, that night, I hid in my special place, and I brought with me a pen and a pink notebook, ‘cause if love was supposed to be so special, well, I needed to fall in love with someone special, right?”

“Sure,” Harry smiled, nodding solemnly. 

“So I started to draft my list of things a boy should be before I allowed myself to fall in love with him. I was obsessed with the movie Practical Magic, so of course, my special boy had to have a green and a blue eye, and stupid stuff like that. You think I’m crazy yet?”

“Not because of this, no,” Harry grinned and I rolled my eyes, laughing when I pushed him lightly. But he took my hand and pressed it to his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat under my fingertips. “Keep going,” Harry said. 

“So, uhm…” Lost, I was lost. “So, I met Sam, and I knew as soon as I did that he was always going to see me as his little sister. So I added him to my ‘special boy’ list. So he had to be kind and always be there for me, and like soccer, but be really bad at it. And Cat had to like him, cause she followed Sam around as if he was made out of light and she was his little moth. And he had to...he had to protect me, he had to be willing to leave town on a rainy night, with my crying little sister on his backseat,” I shook my head as if that would chase the memories away, but no, nothing could ever do that. “So we moved to LA, and I met all of these guys and I was never even interested, ‘cause Sam was the one for me.” Harry squeezed my fingers softly and I looked at him, suddenly aware of how close he was, and how familiar his body felt next to mine. I had never told anyone any of this, and I wasn’t sure why I was telling him, but I kept going because I didn’t want him to go to his room. 

“And then I met you, and that day in D’s office, my heart went ‘oh, fuck’,” I laughed. “And I was sure you were never going to say yes, but you did. And then you kissed, and I knew I was fucked, even when we were surrounded by cameras. When I heard about your ex, I knew you were never going to love me back, you were never going to be mine, but I still kept adding things to my list: the boy has to make me go to bed with a smile, and hold me tight when I have nightmares. And the butterflies, man I really love those fucking butterflies... And he has to be a little bit smug and cocky, just because he knows who he is and what he has to offer, and he has to make me just a little bit dizzy when he looks at me.” I found myself smiling at nothing, and I slowly came back to reality, looking at Harry and clearing my throat as I did so. “So, yes, I’ll just have to wait a little longer and I’m sure I’ll just keep adding things to that list...but, someday…”

Harry kissed me before I could even realize what was going on. I gasped sharply into the kiss and scrunched my eyes closed as I shifted to him, getting to my knees to straddle him, and push him back against the couch. Harry smiled at my sudden enthusiasm, and he let his hands fall to my hips and his fingertips dig on the meaty curves of my ass when I sat on his lap. I took the opportunity to push my fingers into the wet ends of his hair, and tilt my head so we could deepen the kiss, and his tongue swept across my bottom lip before he did as I wished. 

“You were fantastic in the show,” I whispered as we broke the kiss apart, and I pressed my forehead to his. Harry chuckled and the warm puffs of his breath made my skin fill with little goosebumps. 

“I couldn’t stop looking at you, Sof.”

“Then why didn’t you let me come to the party?”

“‘Cuz I was scared, and really fucking angry at you, at myself.”

I kissed him, softly and slowly, little kisses pressed to his lips as he smiled so much that he forgot to kiss me back for a moment. But when he did, he kissed me hard, parting my lips to play with my tongue. His hands spread over my ass, pushing me closer to his bulge. I hummed at the feeling and kissed him with just as much urgency. My body came alive with his touch, a fire that traveled from the tip of my head to my toes. Everything felt heightened, the way he brushed his fingertips under my shirt, and the little kisses he trailed over my jawline and down to my neck. I could feel the bit of stubble on his face and the curling pressure of his fingers as he tried to close the little space between us. 

“Get up,” Harry whispered against my lips. 

“Are you leaving?”

“No, baby,” Harry replied, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. “I just want us to go to the room, is that ok with you?”

I nodded, ‘cause there was nothing better I could imagine, even if I tried, even if my mind weren’t all fogged up and fiery. 

Although, the couch would’ve worked too. 

Harry didn’t let me think. He helped me up on my feet and took my hand in his to guide me to the room. The butterflies fluttered tightly in my tummy and my heart seemed ready to send out the fireworks. 

“We can just kiss,” Harry smiled and I had to wonder if he could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. 

“Yes, I’d like that.”

The corner of his lips got trapped between his lips and he looked at me. Sadness was long gone and now something like happiness danced in his green eyes, which made the butterflies stop for a second and go Eeeep. I felt like I had forgotten what it was like to look at him and wait for his touch and it was all coming back in crashing waves. 

When we kissed, I let him know how much I missed him and needed him, how afraid I was to lose him. I let him guide us, soft and slow at the start, as we both tried to memorize the taste of our kiss. Harry licked my lips and let himself get lost in me, with his arm looped around my waist while the other was pressed to the back of my neck. His kiss was maddening, making me feel like I was the only thing he could think of at that very moment. My whole body itched to have him. 

Harry seemed to get it, cause he allowed his fingers to travel under my shirt, pushing the fabric up until we had to break the kiss so he could take it off. I was braless already, and I held my breath as Harry stared at me as if it was the very first time he saw me like this. My fingers trembled as I hooked them around the waistband of my jammies, but I stopped as Harry shook his head and smiled. 

“Lemme see you, baby. Turn around and push them down.”

“You’ve been watching a lot of porn, haven’t you?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he admitted shamelessly. “So, let me sit, so I can see you, yeah?”

I watched him sit on the bed and his hand go to his crotch, as he palmed himself over the gray fabric of his sweatpants. The sight made a rush of adrenaline run down from my lower to my legs and a pulsing pressure settled between my thighs. I did as he asked me to, and turned around to allow him to see as I slowly bent down and pushed my jammies down my hips and my legs until I reached my ankles. 

“Fuck,” I gasped at the cold feeling of Harry’s tongue on my center. He was sloppy as he trapped my clit between his lips and his fingers dug on my asscheeks to spread me apart. “Fuck.”

A blissful wave rolled down my tummy, and I shifted on my feet just slightly, to allow Harry to let his tongue run down my slit and lap around my center. The tip of his tongue slid between my folds, barely pushing in before he went back to play with my clit, sucking and lapping on it as if I was a fucking delicious ice cream and he was decided to devour me. I could feel his warm breath, fanning over my slick pussy and making me shiver and laugh breathlessly, the unexpected touch already pushing me to a delicious edge. 

I didn’t know what to do, where to put my hands or if I could rock my hips as I wanted to, so I dug my nails on the palm of my hand, and my breath heaved as Harry continued to work to drive me crazy.

“C’mere, baby,” Harry commanded as he stopped, and I almost wanted to tell him to get back on his knees and finish me off, but I turned to look at him, just like he had said, and saw his glistening lips as he smiled at me. If I let my eyes travel down I could see his hard cock in all of its glory, and his fingers pressing up to it to tease himself.

“Can I suck you off?” I asked, but Harry shook his head no, and sat down on the bed, on the same spot I had left him just a couple of minutes ago. I went to him, taking short and slow steps so he could see my every move, and stood between his legs as I helped him take his shirt off. My hands pressed to his shoulders and I pushed him down to the bed, straddling him so he couldn’t even think about going anywhere. 

I wanted to trace every tattoo on his body with my lips. I started on his collarbones, trailing tiny little kisses and licking his soft skin, I made my way down his body. I kissed the sparrows and the butterfly and I hummed as I reached the ferns, my fingers curling up the waistband of his sweatpants to push it off. 

Harry propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me as I took the remaining of his clothes off. I was clumsy and laughed shyly, but he didn’t seem to mind, his eyes followed my every move, even when my hand wrapped around his cock, and I climbed on the bed to start sucking him off. I just wanted his taste in my mouth, to hear the little gasp of pleasure he let out when I dropped a ball of spit on his cock, and spread it over with quick, tight movements. I just wanted to see his tummy quiver when my tongue ran over his swollen tip and licked the salty beads of precum that spilled on it and as I sucked it sloppily, just like he liked him. 

Harry laughed, but it was delirious, blissful. His head tipped back and he grunted out a moan that echoed down my body and rose little goosebumps on my skin. It was all I wanted, to make him feel good. 

“Sof,” he breathed. “Come sit on my face.”

I popped his cock out of my mouth and looked at him, smiling mischievously as I lapped my tongue over his tip one last time. There was lust in his eyes, full and pure, the usual bright green had disappeared, and they were as dark as they could be. 

“You like ordering me around, don’t you?” I asked him, but I was already making my way to him because just the thought of his tongue on me made my stomach tighten. 

“And you’re usually such a good girl, baby. Come and spit on your hand so you can play with my cock.”

I straddled Harry’s face, and sat back down carefully, shivering when I felt Harry’s tongue flick over my clit. I was still pretty sensitive from before, so it was pretty damn easy for him to get a moan out of me. His hands were on each of my thighs, pulling me closer to his face as he licked and sucked and played with my swollen clit. I was drenched, so fucking wet it was ridiculous, and Harry smiled when I tangled my fingers in his hair, so I had something to hold on to as I rolled my hips. 

It took me a moment to remember that I was supposed to play with his cock. I leaned my body back and grabbed him with trembling fingers as Harry held me by my thighs. Harry grunted as I did, and bucked his hips up as I started to pump him. This new position made him go deeper and faster, and his tongue slid down my slit until it reached my center and thrust it in once and again. 

Each of Harry’s moans added to the fire that had settled in my tummy, and it was becoming harder to keep up, to sit straight and not give up to the pleasure that was pushing down to take over my body. He didn’t seem to notice, though. His tongue swirled around my needy clit and I felt like my whole body was burning. 

“You’re fucking dripping,” Harry whispered, placing a kiss on my thigh to let me take a break.

“Please, don’t stop, please…

My walls were clenching around his tongue as soon as he started again, and I pulled his hair between my fingers, my only anchor to reality at that very moment. It wasn’t enough, cause soon I was grinding my hips on his face, losing control over myself as the world around me became blurry. He trapped my clit between his lips and sucked on it lightly, sending me over the edge of bliss as his name escaped my lips like a prayer. 

I was exhausted and shaky when I fell on the bed, and my peripheral vision had become fuzzy. When Harry’s weight pressed down to my body, I laughed, shifting down to feel him better against myself. 

“You’re ok?” He asked me but I didn’t answer. I kissed him instead, hungrily and needy, with my tongue lapping around his mouth and tasting myself on it. I licked his lips and sucked on the tip of his tongue and moaned when he sank his teeth on my bottom lip and pulled on it. 

My walls were still clenched and my stomach quivered as my high kept rolling in. 

“I’ve never been better,” I smiled as I laid back down, which Harry took as an opportunity to kiss down my jaw and trail his kisses down my neck and my collarbones. He reached my chest and his tongue felt cold against my clammy skin and I shivered when he licked my nipple and sucked and nibbled it lightly. 

But as I calmed down, I realized it wasn’t enough. I wanted it all, I was craving it. My legs hooked around his hips and I pulled him closer to me. I could feel his cock dragging up and down my slit, gliding between my folds as we both started to grind our hips. I was so wet that it was easy to coat him with my juices, and when he twitched, his little grunt echoed in the air. 

“Fuck me,” I begged, just as I had done before, but this time, I was gonna get my wish. 

“Ask nicely,” He grinned, and suddenly, his hips came to a stop, and I moaned, more in despair and need than anything else.

“Please, fuck me,”

It was delirious. Fucking delicious. His swollen tip burned lightly as he aligned himself to my entrance and he let it slide in, just barely, enough to open me up and make me bunch the fabric of the sheets between my fingers. His cock felt bigger and thicker than his fingers or his fingers or his tongue, and I clenched my walls around it, reacting to the foreign feeling, and trapping him there. 

“Fuck, Sof,” He moaned. My senses were heightened and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, even if I wanted to. I watched him as he let a ball of spit fall down to my pussy and gasped at the feeling of his fingers rubbing it on my clit. 

“God…” I gasped. As I adjusted to him, Harry thrust a little harder, until he was all in and my walls stretched around his cock to mold to it. 

We kissed again, this time a little more feverishly, and my hands pressed to his back, feeling his muscles work as he rocked his hips. I was aware of every inch of his cock as he thrust it slowly, and I didn’t know what to do with myself, hiding my face onto the crook of his neck and pressing sloppy kisses to his skin as he fucked me. 

“You feel so fucking good, Sof,” Harry whispered to my ear and the butterflies fluttered freely and wildly in my stomach. I forgot about everything that wasn’t him. My moans were strangled and shy, and my walls clenched around his cock with every new thrust. Harry went faster and deeper and I could feel him in my stomach if that was even possible. His eyes were closed, and the cold metal of his cross dragged up my skin with every new roll of his hips. 

“Kiss me, would ya?” I said, and that was enough to make him kiss me, sloppily and deeply, with every moan of his dying on my lips. My fingers tangled in his hair and I pulled on it, just to get a reaction out of him. His breath heaved and his hands went to my hips, to push me down and closer as went just a little rougher. 

It was too much, the weight of his body on top of mine, his kisses, the way his cock pushed between my walls, the fire that spread down all over my body. I felt blissful, aware of every inch of my body for the first time ever. I could get addicted to it. 

He was closer than he would like to admit, I could feel it in the way he scrunched his eyes closed and how he struggled to breathe. It was a shame that I wasn’t too sure of what to do to push him over the edge, but I tightened the grip of my legs around his hips and clenched my walls with every new thrust. He seemed to like it, cause he pinned me down to the bed, and groaned between his rough thrust, just as the muscles of his tummy and legs stiffened and he let out a warm laugh, that mixed with the quivers that rolled on his stomach.

“Fuck,” I heard him say, but I was too focused on the warmth that was filling me up, the juices that were dripping down his twitching cock as I tightened my walls around him. I laughed too, kissing him fully and deeply, as I brushed my fingertips down his spine. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered against my lips, making me feel giddy all over. 

“You should’ve told me what I was missing,” I laughed. 

“Wanna go again? Maybe a couple more times?”

“How many?”

“Like 5?”

“I don’t think I can handle that, baby. We need to build up to it.”

“It’s alright, we have time.”

[twinklelilstarkey]

hi i don’t know if you write about mental health problems or anything but if you do, please could you write a billy butcher x female reader where you’re his gf and it’s gotten really bad but he takes care of you ?? sorry i know it’s a bit much but i’m going through it tbh ://

A/N: You and me both, my love. Hope everything gets better for you.

I wrote this based mainly on anxiety since is the one I’m most acquainted with.

Words: 1.9k+

Summary: Billy gives you advice on your anxiety.

Warnings: Female!Reader. Mentions of anxiety. Mentions of stress over college work. Slight age gap is mentioned, but you can imagine it as big or as small as you want, literally, anyone can be a college student. College Student Problems!

You have been having an extreme hard time with college. Teachers like to believe that any student can easily work under extreme pressure, so they like to schedule all tests and essays in a space of a week and a half.

With all of that, it means that you need to study with many weeks in advance and hope that you won’t mix all the information in your head and get confused. As well as... Take as less breaks possible.

That may sound ridiculous to many, and you’re 100% sure that any doctor would yell at you if they had heard you say that, (since breaks are ALWAYS NEEDED), but you just can’t bring yourself to take breaks.

It’s both mentally and physically impossible. You already can’t sleep that well; you can’t eat that much or even focus on other things other than your notes and books (you had previously grabbed at the library).

Everyone that hangs out with you knows that you’re a very anxious person by nature, but they never saw you like this. And if they had to admit, it is quite scary.

Your boyfriend, Billy, who also lives with you, has been blind to it all. It’s not his fault. You try to hide it as much from him as possible. And he’s also out of the house for most of the day and only sees you when he comes back before dinner.

He has noticed your jumpy leg under the table, bloody bottom lip (from you biting it) and especially how less you eat. But like I said before, you’re an anxious person by nature.

Billy doesn’t see your daily mental breakdowns or hears you giving yourself a pep talk when in the shower, because he’s almost never present whenever something important happens between the boys.

But everything will change today.

And that is because today is a Friday that Billy decided to take off ‘work’ to stay home and relax, while you, on the other hand, will spend it with online classes and studying.

You lean back on your desk chair, finding it awfully uncomfortable after so many days sitting in that same position, and sigh loudly while looking at the PowerPoint that is being projected on the Zoom call.

Your webcam is on, yet your microphone is off, making your sounds of pure frustration be silent to others that could possibly see you.

The TV in the other room is on by what  you can hear over your headphones, and you’re pretty sure that Billy is sitting on the couch bingewatching a random ‘police drama’, as always.

He has made his appearance at least once on the background of your screen, which caught some people’s attention. But other than that, he has been leaving you in your corner to peacefully have your class.

You continue to take notes of what your teacher is saying silently as your mind runs miles an hour, always taking your attention somewhere else.

“You alright there?”

You turn your chair a bit to the side and look over your shoulder at the doorway behind you, looking at the owner of the deep voice and the British accent.

“Yeah” You say with a quick fake smile before turning back around to look at the screen.

“You sure?”

You nod, knowing that he can see your head (the chair’s back is not that tall).

“Alright,” He says before walking off to somewhere in your apartment.

(...)

Lunch went rather well. You ate as much as you could, which wasn’t a lot. But Billy’s cursing at the news were enough to keep your mind occupied for that short while. Other than that, your day has been like any other day of this week.

You’re officially done with your online classes for today, but unfortunately, you still need to study.

You have been reading your notes and small bits of the books the teachers told you to study with, for the past… what you believe, hour, but nothing seemed to make sense.

You’ve tried changing up a few words in the sentences, for simpler words, in hopes that your brain will soon catch the meaning as it sounds simpler... but nothing of the sort is happening.

Your eyes have filled with frustrated tears at least 10 times since you started, making the reading quite difficult. But as for right now, you are letting those tears roll down your face in complete defeat.

People do say that you shouldn’t hold back your tears, right? That it will always feel better once you stop?

Yeah, that is true. But they forgot to mention that it only lasts 10 minutes.

You sniffle while wiping the tears off your face, throwing the pencil down at the desk in pure frustration, before leaning back on the chair.

“Are you okay?” Billy asks from behind you, probably on his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah, yeah” you say while wiping your tears quickly, “My nose just started running for no reason”

A silence is set and for a few seconds you believe that he has walked away, but that was until you felt his warm hand rest over your shoulder.

“Runny nose that created tears?” He asks in a slight ironic tone.

You don’t answer him, yet his hand gives your shoulder a small squeeze.

“Get up, let’s go to the living room” He says in a whisper.

“I can’t” you say, not taking your eyes off your notebooks, “I need to keep studying”

“I’m sure you can take a break”

You sigh loudly, trying to rearrange your feelings before looking up at the older man.

“I need to keep studying” You repeat.

Your sad tone was way more noticeable to Billy this time, and he caught it right as you said the first word.

“How long has it been since you took a break?”

“I’ve been here since lunch”

Butcher’s eyes widen at your words and his mouth falls agape.

“It’s almost 5pm, what do you mean since lunch?”

You shrug as an answer before taking a quick look at your phone, checking if Butcher isn’t lying about the time, and he’s not.

His mind runs with thoughts about you probably feeling exhausted, while yours just run around the idea of another day almost being over and you haven’t even started to understand this new chapter.

You try to grab your pencil back from the table but Billy, in that same second, snatches it off your hand and puts it back down.

“Get up in your two little feet and walk your arse over to the couch”

You, surprisingly, do as told, once noticing his change of tone, as well as his change of facial expression. He looks slightly annoyed, but also, worried.

You walk off the bedroom, Billy right behind you, not even a meter away.

Once your body collides down into the soft surface of the couch, Butcher lets out a loud sigh, also taking his seat.

“Have you been doing this routine every day?” He asks, looking over at you.

“Yeah. I mean, kinda,” you answer, shrugging again, “it depends on what classes I’m having”

“Have you eaten anything since lunch?”

“No, I’m not hungry”

“How? You almost didn’t even eat anything today”

“I just feel nauseous every time I smell or see food, I can’t eat, Billy” you say, with a sadder expression taking over your face.

“And why do you not take breaks?”

“I don’t have time for breaks”

“Honey, 15 minutes wouldn’t hurt you” he says, making you look away, knowing that he won’t understand your side, “You know that”

“Yeah, I know that. But what are breaks when my mind just stays on that stupid piece of paper the whole time?” You ask, “I’ve tried everything to keep my mind occupied with something else, believe me! I just can’t relax until I got all of this sorted in my head”

“I get it, love” He says in a calmer tone, as if he was trying to calm you down with his voice, “But you know that if you’re non stop studying, at some point, your brain just wont grab anything that you’re reading, right?”

You stay silent.

“I’ve studied for college as well. No degree is easy, love, that’s for sure. I know how stressful it is, and how it feels when you don’t have your own stuff under control” His hand rests over yours, “But you don’t have to destroy your mental health because of it”

“What if it’s my mental health destroying itself and not me destroying it?”

“Well… You are sure helping it” He admits, “If your mind is worried about something from when you wake up to when you go to sleep, all you could do to relax is get a distraction, right?”

“Yeah, but I’ve tried everything”

“I’m sure you didn’t try everything, babes” He gives your hand a little squeeze, “There’s millions of options. Try not to read if you space-out too much, and try, I don’t know, watch one of those highly chaotic videos you like to watch. I’m sure those one’s will leave your mind more than occupied”

A small smile grows on your lips as you hear his words and you take a deep breath.

“And what do I do if I continue to not be able to understand anything?”

“I’m sure you understand something. You take notes like a mad woman when in class” he says with a joking tone.

“I’m serious”

“I know you are, princess. But this is not the first time you’ve felt this much pressure because of school, is it?” You shake your head, “And every time you lived past this type of shit, you were able to do every test and every essay right on time. And most of them with fucking amazing grades!” He says with a smile at the end.

There’s some silence between the two of you.

“I know it feels like it’s impossible to live through this right now, but believe me, there’s always someone in a worst situation than you, yet still is able to live their lives with smiles on their faces. If they can do it, I’m more than fucking sure you can do it 200 times better”

A silence is set between the two of you again, this time, a little longer than before.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I know it sounds impossible right now, but just try and focus on something else. Leave all of that for tomorrow”

As good as that sounds, you feel a little hesitant. Billy lifts his hand from yours and brings it over to your head, caressing it as you look down at the ground.

“I’m just scared that I won’t be able to pass these tests”

Butcher, with your words, leans forward and presses a kiss on the side of your head, over your hair.

“I would offer you my help if I could” He says making a sympathetic smile appear over your lips, “But I don’t even understand a word from what you write down”

A chuckle escapes your lips and you look back up at him.

“I can always ask Hughie for help” He offers.

“I would love that. Thank you.”

You wrap one of your arms around Billy’s torso and lean your head over his shoulder. Butcher responds quickly to your actions by wrapping his own arms around you, pulling you closer to him.

Billy leans his head to the side, laying it right on yours, and you snuggle closer to him once feeling his warmth envelop your colder body.

“Here” He says, before passing you the remote.

As soon as you start surfing through the channels, Billy remembers something.

“Start thinking about what you want for dinner” He says, “You’ll be eating a whole 3 course meal tonight, young lady”

- - - - - - 

Hope you liked this!!!

[todokanai-suishou]

April 7th

Pairing Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Fluff

WC: 2,5k

Quality: Not yet golden Raspberry, but definitely rotten Tomato worthy

A/N: "April 7th, but it's longer now" finally managed to post the full thing TT_TT. It's still my first ff and I still apologize for the outcome of this, since I usually do music reviews and (bad) poetry:

Inspiration for it & pt2 were Sticky & April 7th by a Band called The Maine

__________________________________________________________

When you first saw him, he was dancing like nobody was watching

when in fact, everybody was.

You were no exception to the other people staring at him while they were shouting names, singing along to the lyrics sung by the 7 people dancing on stage, so stable and well.

And this man? This man didn’t seem to miss a beat. He moved so effortlessly through every song, having the time of his life, dancing and singing and rapping his heart out

- until he first spotted you in the crowd, watched in awe as you got lost in stereo, eyes shut to enjoy the music

- until you opened your eyes to look back at him.

And suddenly the man who was just dancing along to a fun song that luckily had no choreography, froze just like someone who’d be busted dancing with a mob.

He didn’t know what had hit him when your eyes made contact with his, but he just stood there, unable to move until the eldest came and hit him on the head jokingly, followed by the youngest jumping on both of them.

The Dancer snapped out of it at this point and you didn’t have a single ounce of understanding for what just happened. Usually it was Jungkook lagging, but not during performances and out of all the people you’d suspect to stop moving, Hobi would be the last one to.

Until he was. And he looked baffled when he came back down to earth, whispering to both of his friends as they were finishing the song before leaving to change clothes. He couldn’t help from looking back and subtly pointing at your part of the crowd a few times though

and as he kept on, you started to sense something. From the way he looked back. From the way he pointed in this direction..your brain meanwhile got the bizarre idea that it was you who got him that stunned. Maybe he saw someone else in you? Maybe a fansite? “Oh god please not a fansite.” you whispered, barely audible but turning the heads of the girls in front of you as you started shaking...or maybe an ex? You couldn’t pinpoint it but you also couldn’t stop thinking of the possibility that it was indeed you he reacted this way to.

and you were right about him freezing because of you, but dead wrong about him recognizing his ex, or a fansite, or anyone for that reason.

It was cliché but all the thought at that moment was that, even in this dimly lit room - you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever come across.

The way you danced like nobody was watching, because there probably really was no one watching you, all the while lip-syncing to boyz with fun, you were glowing and the way you suddenly stared at him, with adoration in your eyes, that had him overwhelmed.

“You really fell in love at first sight, huh?” Jin laughed in between changes as the younger one told him about what just happened. “I might” Hoseok fell into a stare at the realisation,. “This is crazy,” he whispered to himself. “You might never see them again though.” Namjoon exclaimed drily from across the room. “I’ll try...I guess?” - “What are you going to do, hunt that person down?” The leader raised an eyebrow and Hoseok sighed. “I don’t know.” It wasn’t until Yoongi - who currently fought with his leather pants - spoke up from the corner “just tell the staff to keep them here. Say Hi, see where it goes afterwards.” and while the leader and Hoseok agreed that this could come across as kind of creepy - the dancer gave it a try. He pointed to you, with the glowing green bracelet on your arm, gave them info of where you approximately were or could possibly come out. He did all he could do for them to keep you there and although you were confused, and quite frankly a little scared of what was happening, you stayed.

And god were you ready to fall on your knees and beg not to be sued with every second that passed, making up critical scenarios and what ifs in your head.

All of them were dead wrong.. You didn’t know how exactly he came to be there, but you remember him coming out in baggy pants, a loose shirt, hair that was still somewhat sweaty but at least brushed properly and he had the biggest smile as he came closer while you and a staff member were still jokingly debating whether ketchup was a smoothie or not. With a breathless “Hi.” he almost scared the living shit out of you.

“Hi” you replied, just as breathless and quite frankly confused. Both your Anxiety levels flew through the roof with each awkward second the two of you didn’t speak. It’s ironic how he wanted to tell you so much, but eventually when you were in front of him, sweat still somewhat glistening on your face and exhaustion written on it in tiny letters, he lost all his words.

It was you who, while still holding eye contact, spoke up. “So...you froze before...are you okay?” You nervously rubbed your arm, but he saw his chance. “Yeah, I’m sorry, it was kind of your fault” an awkward laugh followed from his side, making you nervously rub your arm and look down before he followed up “I got mesmerized by looking at you.” and boom, he had all your attention again. Eyes growing big at his comment. “Wait what?” - “I saw you vibe along and somehow, I don’t know. You just amazed me.” Everything after that was rambling as he tried to explain in a way that didn’t seem too forward or make you uncomfortable and apparently it worked when you let out a chuckle “You’re cute, you know that?” - “Cute enough to go on a date with me?” His sudden question left you as surprised as it did him. He didn’t think he’d do it like that, but judging from you freezing like a deer in the headlights, it was too straight forward and pointless. “Ah you kn-” - “Okay.” This time around he was the deer. And your answer? Just hit him like a car. “okay?” he replied in disbelief. “Yes, unless you don’t want to anymore?” you raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. “no, I’d still love to! How does tomorrow sound?” he asked so cheerfully the change of Aura almost threw you off. “Tomorrow sounds great, I think. Afternoon or evening?” - “Brunch?” - “Could work, might not. I usually sleep in on weekends. My body just naturally ignores every alarm clock I have until 13:00…but... I could get my roommate to wake me up with water I guess.” You said sheepishly.

“So...in case your roommate DOES wake you, how does 11:30 sound?” he smiled, screaming on the inside, hoping, praying, putting all of his trust in your roommate. “Sounds great.” You smiled back and at this moment he was a goner. Almost literally, since Jungkook called for the living, breathing sun to come back, because he wanted to go already. “Wait, give me your number so we can figure more details out.” a phone was pressed into your hands. You didn’t take long to type in your number and call yourself, his smile only growing as you handed it back to him. He had your number. He did it. You gave him his number and if tomorrow was going well, he was convinced that he could die happily.

When JK called for a second time he went away though “Well, I guess I really gotta go. I’ll see ya.” he waved at you and you just copied the action, smiling widely at him. “BY THE WAY” he called out after you “YES?”- “Y/N.... The Name fits you.” - “How?” - “A BEAUTIFUL NAME FOR A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN” and with that he was out of the room, and you and the staff member went out in the other direction, with her clearly laughing as you turned as red as a tomato. A warm feeling spread all throughout you, as you walked into the cold air, excited for what was to come, while the man who just asked a total stranger out just ended up happy dancing the entire night, leaving Jimin internally screaming for deciding to room with the manic squirrel and in serious conflict of whether he was just gonna head into Taehyung's room instead. In Hindsight, he probably should have.

Back then, on that first April 7 in the Arena, you met the man who lights up even the darkest days of your life. You learnt pretty fast that it wasn’t all fun and games, and relationships with Idols are hard. Big Hit bought out dispatch when it came to you, but still, not being able to see each other properly..sometimes was difficult, when all you wanted was to cuddle.

So he left sweaters at your place, and you saw each other whenever the other was near, you two made the, partially rough, two years worth the wait and god does he love you for holding on like that.

But exactly you, or the lack of your presence, made it hard for him to concentrate on rehearsal today. Knowing it’s the same day, the same arena, but someone else in your place. You usually took the time for important dates, 100 day anniversaries and birthdays were shared. Hell, the first anniversary you took leave to visit him on tour, but the second one, you informed him you couldn’t watch from the stage like you did so many times before. “Important family stuff.” you told him and the boys knew he wasn’t his usual self. Still whooped the professional part - except for the facial expressions and while the younger ones tried to coax the sun into shining again after the first Rehearsal, it wasn’t until Yoongi snuck up behind Hoseok with a phone in hand.

While the younger ones were still occupying Hoseok, Yoongi facetimed you and held the phone close to Hobis ear and before he could register anything, he heard “HOBI!” from the other line. Resulting in the dancer getting half a heart attack before turning around, resulting in Yoongi just handing him his phone and leaving. “Baby..” you pouted as you looked at his face. “Jagi, I miss you” a pout leaving him too. “You’ll see me soon, baby. I’m sorry I can’t watch like we planned.” - “ I know, I know” he sighed on the other line and you could feel your heart break. Dying to see your man already.

“I’ll see you soon, baby, don’t worry. We can celebrate after the concert tonight. Just give your best today, and if you won’t, you know I’m gonna find out from Jimin, right?” he chuckled at that comment, giving you a bright smile afterwards. “I know, I know. I’ll try.” - “You don’t need to, you were born to do what you’re doing baby. You’ll do great as always. Just picture me in the crowd, I’m always with you in spirit when I can’t be there - and you’ll get endless cuddles and everything else in the world when we’re home so cheer up.” Needless to say, you weren’t the best in cheering people up but weirdly enough it worked as he sighed out “will do.” giving you a smile afterwards. “Good, now go practice and then - go get 'em. I’ll be off too.” - Wait. Jagi?” You raised an eyebrow. “I love you.” He grinned and you could barely get out “I love you too” before he hung up and brought Yoongi back the phone. Somehow falling into a happy dance again.

“What’s with him?” Namjoon cut in, seeing Hoseok dance between doors “Talked to Y/N” Yoongi just replied and the Leader just nodded. This was normal by now. If he wasn’t everyone else's vitamin e - on days like these you were his and while he was still bummed, the sadness was pushed back by him deciding to just do as you told and picture you there. You’d be off work or family duties or whatever emergency came in between by the time he was done. You’d still see each other. It wasn’t what he had planned and you knew it wouldn’t be, but he’d be happy either way. He was happy with everything as long as the end result was you.

So the rehearsals continued. You headed out the house shortly after facetiming him and he put on clothes, got makeup done and set on a smile, all the while still texting you “I love you” being reciprocated with “I love you too, have fun out there.” It was the last text you sent him before you shut your phone off for now. It was also the last thing he read before he got onto that stage.

And while he loved the crowd, he thought the only thing he wanted to happen tonight was for the concert to end. For now.

Until, suddenly, two years after that last April 7th, he froze up during the choreography when he saw a big green heart during Boys With Fun. He couldn’t help but giggle as he read “Hey, sorry I just got kind of mesmerized by you.”

You, ass, stood there, waving that big heart, with that same green bracelet from years ago. Leaving him as amazed and defenseless as you did exactly two years ago and the grin he had on his face as he came to his senses again was second to none. Neither was your surprised reaction as he suddenly came close to your end, jumping over the barricade and pulling you, who stood just close enough to touch, in his direction. Placing his hands on your cheeks, greeting you with a kiss as the people beside you gasped, awed and the Maknae who saw the whole thing just wiped away a fake tear whispering “they grow up so fast.”

That was definitely not how you planned on your relationship being outed, but then again, he didn’t plan to see you here tonight and you, you had a way of melting his brain and making him do things. “Hey” he then said, almost breathless, still entranced and only looking at you. “Hey” you replied smiling. “So, you kinda mesmerized me and..would you wanna..you know, date?” he whispered in your ear, ignoring the music.. “I’m sorry, I kind of have a boyfriend.” you whispered back, laughing afterwards. It was only seconds until your face was in his hands again. “Then what do you say about moving in with him?” Deer in the headlights hobi? More like deer in the headlights Y/N - and this time the truck hit you. You didn’t know much to say, just frantically nodded and he took the time to kiss you again, softly, with all these people still around, and yet, for him you were the only one.

You’ve been the only one for the last two years. You’ll stay the only one for this little eternity he gets to stay with you..

[k-pop-imagines]

Protector | Chapter 10

Protector Masterlist 

Summary: Yesterday’s events have your thoughts wildly racing through your brain and if that wasn’t enough, your father brings back someone you never wanted to see again. 

Word Count: 2472 A/N: So, ummm, it’s been a year, I know. But I’ve recently gotten quite a lot of messages asking me to update because the cliffhanger was a really mean move on my part, I’m sorry! Either way, happy holidays to everyone and I hope you enjoy this small gift from me!  - Admin Soomi Warnings: / 

When you woke up the next morning, your head felt like it was going to explode. The night hadn’t been exactly  restful, you just couldn’t seem to fall asleep after yesterday’s events. Your thoughts kept going back and forth between your current life situation trapped as the heir to your father’s business and the tension between you and your bodyguard that had made itself very clear. Donghae was a mystery to you. If that was even his real name. It wasn’t like you actually knew anything about that man. How old was he? Where did he come from? Did he have family? All you knew was that he was an arrogant ass with a lot of strength and wits despite not looking like it. He had a way of constantly getting on your nerves but still gave you a weird sense of comfort. Why did you end up with this strange attraction towards him that was impossible to deny at this point? 

You weren’t even sure what kind of attraction this was. Was it platonic? For the first time in ages, it seemed like someone genuinely cared about you. You felt like you could trust him and with him being your bodyguard, he naturally knew a variety of your secrets. He’d seen different sides of you. Even though you argued and bantered a lot, he knew when to draw the line. It had begun to feel like a friendship but was there more? Did you want more? Something else? There was some kind of sexual attraction as well, that was obvious to you. He was attractive, that was a fact. You hated to admit it, but your thoughts couldn’t help but wander to indecent things at the memory of how his abs felt under your touch. Yous shook your head in annoyance. No, not now. If you kept thinking about it, you wouldn’t be able to keep a composed demeanor around him anymore. Was there romantic attraction as well? Maybe. All you knew was that your heart skipped a beat when you thought back to how you had almost kissed yesterday. And that you wished you had actually kissed. Maybe all of these factors somehow played into it. Whatever it was, thinking about it too much and trying to find a word for it was driving you crazy. 

The maid that knocked and asked to enter your room to serve you a fresh cup of tea was a welcome distraction from your racing thoughts. Not so welcome was the message from your father that she brought. I’m expecting you in the entrance hall in 30 minutes, dress nicely and behave for once.    The second you read his note, you decided that you would absolutely not behave, whatever it was that he had planned for you. You had a bad feeling about what was to come. For a few moments, you also contemplated simply putting on sweatpants as your father hadn’t specified what occasion to dress nicely for, but that would have been overkill. Donghae greeted you right outside your door with a lazy wave and as much as your mind wanted to go back to yesterday’s events, you were more occupied with the look on his face. He didn’t give you the usual smirk, you didn’t even get any playful remarks about your hairstyle of choice, instead he seemed quiet. Too quiet. “What’s up with you this morning? Aren’t you going to tell me that I look like a racoon because of the bags under my eyes?” A small smile threatened to form on his lips but it was quickly washed away by the sigh leaving his mouth. “You look more like a panda because the rest of your face is awfully pale but I won’t be making any comments. You’ll have enough trouble today, trust me. You’re not going to like what your father has in store for you. And neither will I.” The last part was muttered under his breath and you almost missed it. You didn’t even need to ask your bodyguard what exactly he was talking about as you had already reached the entrance of the mansion and were greeted by the sight of the one person you had never ever wanted to see again. Hwang Kyuseok. The man your father apparently still wanted you to marry. “Okay, so here’s the plan. I’m going to pretend to collapse, you carry me to our physician and bribe him to pronounce me dead. Then you help me escape to Peru where I can start a new life under a new name. How does that sound?”, you whispered to Donghae but he put a hand on your lower back to gently lead you forward. “Pretty good except for the part where I apparently have enough money to bribe Dr. Choi.” “It doesn’t have to be money, you could-” just as you were about to present Donghae with the alternative of selling his body, Kyuseok spotted you. “Well, if it isn’t my lovely wife. I haven’t seen you ever since that incident but you seem as lively as ever,” the young man said with the most disgusting grin you had ever seen a human being produce as he slowly walked towards you. “I don’t remember us getting married let alone engaged so do not call me your wife.” “Did I not tell you to behave?” Your father had appeared behind Kyuseok and went to stand next to him. “You’ll be getting married next week, so you might want to get used to being called his wife.” “I have told you plenty of times that you do not get to marry me to a stranger. I refuse. I will not be marrying him.” “And I have told you plenty of times that I simply do not care. You’ve been acting like a brat recently, so I contacted Mr. Hwang and he agreed to proceed with the marriage as soon as possible. Maybe this will put some sense into you. You don’t have a choice in this matter.” Kyuseok is a respectable young man and he knows how to handle a woman who is acting up and forgot where her place is.” Your father left and your heart sank. He was really doing this. He was 100% serious and no matter how hard you tried to fight back, it was useless. Maybe you could really escape and move to the other end of the world. But knowing your father’s influence and contacts, he would catch you before you could even leave the city. You’d go along with it for now but there was no way you’d accept this. If everything failed, you’d at least make sure to make this marriage a living hell for your husband. 

Kyuseok stood in front of you and took your hand, earning him a death stare from Donghae that you didn’t notice, as you were too occupied with keeping yourself from lashing out. “Let’s go eat breakfast, my love.” 

------

“Where would you like to go for our honeymoon?” Breakfast had been quiet so far, at least on your part. Kyuseok had bombarded you with his ideas for the wedding and you found out that essentially everything had been planned already. Not only were you forced into this, you didn’t even get any say in what your wedding would look like. Even the wedding dress had already been chosen. “You’re asking my opinion? Very considerate. Paris sounds good.” “A very classic choice. And very romantic.” “Exactly. Let’s visit the catacombs, maybe I can lose you in there. Or I can just yeet myself off the Eiffel Tower when you’re not looking.” You heard a snicker from Donghae, who had silently been standing in the corner of the room and tried to cover up his mishap by clearing his throat. Kyuseok simply ignored you. “Prague or Madrid would also be lovely places to visit but Paris it is. We should also start conceiving children as soon as possible to secure a heir to our families' businesses. You almost choked on your omelette. “Yeah, that is not happening. Marrying you is bad enough but this is where I draw the line. I will not let you anywhere near me.” He sighed. “I really don’t blame your father for wanting you to move in with us right after the wedding. You are indeed quite a handful. But as I said before, I am sure I can tame you.” “Good luck with that. You won’t tame me unless I develop Stockholm syndrome.” “You’re feisty.” “And you’re a creep. Excuse me for a second.” You quickly left the room, headed for nowhere in particular, just anywhere as far away as possible. It felt kind of ironic when, after a few minutes of mindlessly wandering the halls, you laid eyes on a small storage room and followed your instinct to hide in it. Just in case Kyuseok had been following you. You were physically shaking from the emotions building up inside of you. Anger, frustration, helplessness, panic. You name it. You sank to the floor and let silent tears run down your cheeks. 

Maybe you should really just run away. Not like your father would let you. Even if you escaped at night, knowing that most of the night guards regularly slept during their shifts, there was no doubt your father’s men would find you. And if they didn’t, he would send Donghae, and there was nowhere you could hide from him. He knew you too well by now. 

The door to your hiding spot opened a creak. Speaking of the devil. 

Donghae fully opened the door, took one look at your crying form and opted to sit on the floor right next to you after closing the door again for some privacy. Of course he’d find you. Not that it bothered you. “I don’t think I’d survive one week being married to that weirdo,” you complained. “I don’t think he’d survive even one week. You’re gonna kill him after three days. Maximum.” A dry chuckle escaped your lips. “Can you show me how to make it look like an accident?” “I’ll lend you one of my handbooks.” Silence settled between the two of you for a few seconds while you tried to dry your tears. It all seemed hopeless. “What will you do once I’ve married him? I doubt Kyuseok will have you come with me to his mansion. That man gives you that death stare like every 20 minutes. I bet it’s because you’re more handsome than him.” “I genuinely don’t know. Maybe your father will have me as his own bodyguard. Whatever will happen, believe me when I say that I am dreading it as much as you are.” “You’re a bodyguard...if anything, you should be glad this job is over and you could move on to a better paying client. I’ve seen what my father pays you and sometimes I’m surprised you’re still here.” “You make me seem like a heartless monster. I care a lot more than you may think. That’s why I’m still here.” You raised an eyebrow. “How much?” “What?” “How much do you care?” Instead of answering, Donghae proceeded to get up. He dusted off his clothes and held out his hand for you to take. He pulled you up and reached for the doorknob. “You didn’t answer my question. How much do you care?”, you pushed for a reaction. “Way more than I should”, he muttered under his breath, avoiding your eyes. He went to turn the doorknob but you put your hand on top of his to stop him. Your other hand reached up to grab the collar of his shirt and pull him closer so your faces were mere inches apart. “Then tell me...do you care enough to kiss me?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, your breath hot on his skin. 

Donghae didn’t need to be asked twice. His free hand cupped your face as he leaned in and his lips found yours. They were so much softer than you could have ever imagined. He was careful at first, but quickly deepened the kiss when you didn’t back away. It lasted only a few seconds yet felt like an eternity. You hated how your first intent was to tease him with your question and see his reaction but the kiss just proved that, just like him, you cared way too much. You still didn’t know what exactly those feelings were that drew you to him but it just felt...right. Like it was meant to be. 

Donghae slowly pulled away from the kiss and took your hands in his. “I don’t know why but the thought of him being with you, touching you, kissing you...it makes me furious. It makes me want to vomit. I can’t stand it.” “Then help me get out of this somehow. If you can. Please.” His heart felt like it was getting torn apart when you looked at him with pleading eyes that were still puffy from crying. He wanted nothing more than to help you, he really did. “I’ll try to figure something out but I can’t promise anything.” For a second, you saw a hint of guilt flash in his eyes. You thought it was because of his loyalty to your father. He’d most likely have to betray him if he wanted to support you, it’d put his life on the line as well. Little did you know, Donghae’s thoughts were conflicted for a completely different reason. 

---

“There will be a wedding ceremony a week from now. Not only will our target family be attending but also the famous Hwang family. If we attack then, it’ll be like killing two birds with one stone,” Donghae reported. “That’s fantastically convenient. Do you know where the wedding will be held? If not, find out and send us the layout of the place. We’ll provide you with a detailed plan 24 hours before the event.” “I’ll make sure to get as much information as possible.” “Great, you’re dismissed.” After finishing the phone call, Donghae felt like punching a wall. Guilt flooded his mind. He had lied to you, this whole time. He had put on an act, played the perfect, sassy, but loveable bodyguard. He had faked his undying loyalty. Yet he hadn’t been able to lie about his feelings. That kiss, it had been nothing but the truth. He never meant for things to develop the way they did. And now he was stuck in this dilemma. He had to follow orders, your family had to be taken down but couldn’t bear to see you go down with your father. You had nothing to do with this. He had to figure something out and he’d be damned if he couldn’t come up with a solution.

[sunflowersteves]

Hi! Can I please request a pt2 to my last request? Bucky, Steve, & Sam(while trying to get away from people after Bucky) were keeping Y/n safe, & when they get taken into custody, they take Y/n too.& she’s scared but Bucky tries to calm her down + when they lock him up, Sam & Steve are there for Y/n (defend her),& when Buck gets brainwashed he still doesn’t dare hurt Y/n, pushing her hair behind her ear, saying I love you, before running. Steve brings her w/ him to where Bucky is (the warehouse)

Bucky Barnes x civilian!short!fem!reader

author’s note || I’ve been writing on my series and haven’t been able to work on this one but here it is! It’s longer than I intended but I hope you enjoy it @kpopgirlbtssvt !! Also bucky not hurting y/n even after being brainwashed? A CONCEPT! Thank you for sending in this request! 

warnings || angst!, fluff, tony is kinda the bad guy rip, swearing prolly

chapter one // m.list

Steve and Bucky were still glaring at each other as the four of you got into the car as parked outside of Bucky’s apartment. You and Sam just looked at each other with a knowing look as the two started bickering. “My God, my brain is going to explode.” You agreed with Sam until your breath hitched as a large group of people with huge guns started to surround the car. 

They tell the four of you to get out slowly with your hands up. Bucky and Steve yell at you to do what they say. You get out as slow as possible raising your hands above your head. “She’s just a citizen!” Bucky yells as the SWAT team continues to point their guns at you. The rest of them quickly get out of the car after you with their hands up. 

Despite Sam and Steve being on the same side as these men, they clearly didn’t give a shit about who they hurt or kill. Orders are orders. Tears prick your eyes as Bucky continues to yell at the men, telling them that you’re innocent and to stop pointing guns at you but they don’t listen. Bucky runs in front of you blocking anyone that tries to hurt you. “It’s okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He says softly, locking eyes with yours. 

“Oh fuck it.” “Wait, Bucky-” Steve stares wide-eyed as Bucky swings his fist at one of the men with guns, immediately knocking the man out. Guns start firing at him but Sam and Steve block a lot of the bullets. One of the men tries to attack you and you squeeze your eyes shut in preparation but Steve quickly blocks it, shoving the guy ten feet back. You thank him and he nods, continuing to fight off the SWAT team. 

The three of them are knocked down with special tasers and Bucky is shoved to the ground and handcuffed. You yell at them to stop, running towards them but one of the men push you down to the ground. Bucky growls and almost gets up to kill the guy but he stands down. During this time you really wished you could do something to help. Even though you were highly tech-savvy, physical shit wasn’t your thing. You despised it if you were being honest, sweating was your nightmare. You just wished Bucky had taught you some moves just in case but there wasn’t enough time before your happiness bubble was popped. 

Alexander Pierce yells at the men to stop tasering Captain America and looks at Steve dead in the eye, anger taking over. “Why did you shoot my men? What’s up with you Roger’s? You’ll be in trouble for this.” Steve smirks at Pierce, noticing the surprise features that take over him. “I’ve been chewed out before.” Sam checks to see if you’re injured and once you’re clear he tells a handcuffed Bucky that you’re okay. His shoulders relax and he lets out the breath he was holding as tears roll down your face.

“It’s going to be okay, baby.” You shake your head as Steve and Sam look at the two of you sympathetically. Bucky repeats his words over and over when they take him away. Sam holds you back as you yell Bucky’s name. Steve and Sam were overly kind, taking you personally to Steve had felt pretty bad about judging you at first because he doesn’t think he’s ever seen so much love in Bucky’s eyes. No one besides Steve himself or his mother. So Steve vowed to himself that he would protect you as Bucky does, even if it gets him killed. He owes Buck that much.

When the three of you got back to the tower, a pretty big fight broke out. “Who is she?” Steve explained and all Tony did was scoff. “And how do we know she’s not his partner in crime?” Sam put his foot down by slamming his fist on the desk. “She’s just a citizen, Stark. She hasn’t done anything wrong.” Tony and Sam were arguing back and forth as Steve locked his eyes with yours. You gave him a sad smile but his head quickly snapped towards Tony. “Maybe she’s with hydra! How do we know she isn’t the one that planted the bomb.” 

Steve growled. “She’s not with Hydra you egotistical ass.” Steve stomped out of the room with you following behind. You were shaking and stumbling around a bit. You definitely didn’t want to stay in that room any longer and you 100% missed the guilt look on Tony’s face at how scared you looked. 

--

They had locked Bucky up in this weird prison. You had never seen it before but it looked high tech. He sat in the chair, completely strapped to it, and a glass box surrounding him. A man that said he was Bucky’s therapist had come in and started to inspect him. You just stood on the other side of the glass while Bucky just stared at you with the most loving look you had seen. “I’ll be okay, doll.” You smiled and put your hand on the glass. “You better be, Buck.” He smiled brightly in your direction.

Once the door was closed, the man looked at you and kept getting closer. You looked at him strangely while Bucky was squirming in his prison cell, trying to get out. What the fuck is happening? You thought. The man stopped right in front of you with a knife in his hand and rope. “If you don’t want to get hurt, you’ll let me tie you up.” You turn to look at Bucky and all he does is nod. You let the strange man tie you up. 

He walked over in front of Bucky and smirked before turning his attention to the words in the book. “желание, ржавый.” Bucky closed his eyes. He should’ve known this was coming. Considering he didn’t plant the bomb, he should’ve known something was up. He never wanted you to see him like this but it’s too late now. You tried to loosen the rope but all it did was make you hiss as it rubbed against your skin. Bucky just shook his head, indicating that it was no use. 

Bucky looked at the man with tears in his eyes. “Stop. Please.” The man jumps when the sound of banging can be heard behind the door so he speeds up the process. 

“семнадцать, рассвет, печь.” You yelled and cried. You knew those words. Bucky had told you about the trigger words used against him one night after a nightmare. 

“God, please stop.” Tears left your eyes as did his. “y/n, I’m so sorry.” 

“девять, доброкачественный, Возвращение на Родину, один, грузовой вагон.” The man wickedly smiled as Bucky’s eyes appeared only to be dull and lifeless. The sounds of your screams and cries filled the room. You wished again that you had superhuman strength or anything to save him. You felt so helpless that you screamed in agony. “Ready, Soldat?”

Bucky’s face turned blank as more banging was sounded on the door that made you jump. He looked at the man in front of him, waiting for orders. “готов подчиниться.” [ready to comply.]

By the time Steve was able to burst through the door, Zemo had already given Bucky his mission. And as Steve screamed your name, Bucky started to charge right towards you. Steve was desperately trying to get towards you but Zemo was keeping him occupied. Bucky stopped in front of you and lifted his hand. You yelled as his fist came down but blinked as you never felt any pain. You look down to see Bucky had chopped off the rope tied around you with his bare hands. 

He crouches in front of you and puts some hair that covers your face behind your ear. Your lips curled into a smile and he whispered. “I love you.” Steve was able to throw Zemo out of the loop but it was too late. Bucky ran towards the window and shattered it, running off in the distance.

Steve tried to follow him but didn’t succeed, Bucky had already escaped. Steve looked at you and his heart broke at the sight. You could only stare forward, not really noticing him picking you up. You just whimpered in his arms.

-- 

It had been a couple of months, no one had contacted you besides Steve, keeping you updated on what was going on with the Sokovia Accords. You hadn’t seen Bucky since that say. You had no idea where he was, if he was safe or if he was dead. You tried really hard to not think the ladder but the whole world was against him. 

You knew he didn’t do it. Not only was he with you at the time but there was just no way the kindest person you had ever laid eyes on was the culprit. When you talked to Steve on the phone he seemed glad to hear that. Steve wanted to pick you up and take you somewhere safer than his apartment in Brooklyn. You agreed that it wasn’t the safest place.

The drive to wherever you were going was long and drawn out. Luckily, Steve was able to bond more with you since your initial meet wasn’t pretty. You both told endless stories of Bucky and you laughed at the charmer he was in the ‘40s. You both arrive about five hours later to an old abandoned warehouse. You get out of the car and Steve directs you inside.

You drop your bags as you stare in front of you. Everyone stops to stare. Sam, Clint, Wanda, and Scott all stare back at you. Sam’s smile turns into a bright and dazzling one as Bucky walks out of the bathroom and stops dead in his tracks.

You pick up your feet and run as fast as you could and jump into his arms. He immediately catches you and spins you around. “Long time no see, doll.” You laugh and slap his chest. “Don’t you ever leave me like that, understand? Next time I’m killing you myself.” Everyone laughs and Bucky gives you a long and awaited kiss. “Yes, ma’am.”

[hi-hey-haechan]

hii could you write something about when they are drunk and want to have sex and when they convince the reader and start they end up sleeping, like something funny ?? this was kind of a pointless idea but I thought it was funny, I would be very grateful !! (sorry for english kkk) And I love your blog 💖💖😗😗 (can be one or more groups of your choice)

hii could you write something about when they are drunk and want to have sex and when they convince the reader and start they end up sleeping, like something funny ?? this was kind of a pointless idea but I thought it was funny, I would be very grateful !! (sorry for english kkk) And I love your blog 💖💖😗😗 (can be one or more groups of your choice

We're doing SKZ Minho because he's my bias and because he'd 100% do something like this.

"You're beautiful," Minho slurred. You two were walking out to his car -- or, well, YOU were walking, whereas your boyfriend was stumbling, sometimes tripping and falling against you. Your hand was grabbing his arm in a vice-like grip, doing everything in your power to not let him fall.

"Mhm, and you're drunk," you replied. You couldn't even bring yourself to be exasperated. Drunk Minho was just too hilarious and too adorable to ever irritate you. Besides, he rarely got drunk anyways, much less this drunk. You were at fault for letting him drink so much, but then again, he deserved a drink or two after working so hard that comeback season. However, when the "two drinks" lead to three, and then four, there had to be a line drawn somewhere.

“I may be ‘drunk,’“ he drawled, “but when I wake up with an awful headache, you’ll still be beautiful.”

“Whatever you say,” you said, hardly paying attention to what he was saying. He stumbled to the right, pushing into you while doing so, almost causing you to topple over. You barely managed to keep yourself from falling, and same with Minho.

“I say smart things,” Minho hummed, smiling while closing his eyes contentedly. You had to stifle a laugh. Even when he was sober, your boyfriend still said some words that weren’t exactly intelligent. Minho was intellectually brilliant, yet he often acted as though he was functioning off of a single braincell.

There was a cat walking across the sidewalk approximately ten feet in front of you. “Look at the pretty cat,” you suggested, trying to occupy his brain differently. 

What you didn’t expect was for him to stumble after the cat in a drunken sort of run. With a harsh yowl, the calico kitten scampered off, likely terrified for its life. Minho fell to his knees before yelling desperately, “No, kitty, come back and embrace me as your king!” At the sight of your boyfriend kneeling on the cold sidewalk, hands balled into fists, yelling at a feline that was long-gone, you couldn’t help but double over in laughter.

You ran over to him, grabbing his arm in an attempt to force him to his feet. “You have three cats at home, remember? Let’s go home and see them.”

Minho’s face brightened, and he clapped his hands. He hopped a couple times and then stumbled when he landed, almost falling onto a stranger’s car. You had to grab onto his hand in order to keep him upright. 

You strapped him into the passenger seat of your car. He leaned forward to give you a kiss, but it hit the corner of your mouth only, making you want to laugh again. You felt his warm hand gently caressing the back of your head, and he said, “Your hair feels soft, like Dori is sitting on the back of your head!”

Yes, because your cat can sit on the back of my head, defying gravity. Of course.

With a sigh, you shut the door and got into the driver’s seat, driving a few short miles back to your shared apartment. You dragged him into the apartment, through the door, down the hallway, and you attempted to push him onto the bed.

“Y/n,” he whined, grabbing your waist and pulling you down on top of him. He smelled like alcohol, as you expected. Minho’s face suddenly buried itself into your neck, and his lips planted kisses onto the bare skin. His kisses were messy, slightly drunken, as you expected in this state.

“Minho, baby, let’s go to sleep,” you said, attempting to get out of his grasp. 

Your boyfriend bit lightly on the skin of your neck, sucking harshly for a second, which completely startled you. His arms suddenly became tighter, holding you down on top of him. For someone who was currently drunk, Minho was strong. His mouth on you had the same effect on you as it did when he was sober. You let out a quiet sigh, the feeling quite wonderful.

“You’re beautiful,” Minho slurred for the second time that night. This time, however, his mouth was pressed against your skin.

“Come here,” you whispered, and when his head raised and eyes, glazed over from the alcohol, met yours, you kissed him. It was a light, gentle brush of your lips against his, the feeling warm and soft. You embraced him fully. 

Minho, however, didn’t think that one kiss was enough. His lips met yours again, this time more powerfully. His mouth wasn’t soft or gentle, but rather passionate and fast. Your boyfriend’s mouth moved against your own with fervor and power, saying a million slurred, incoherent words at once, without him even making a sound. His kisses were sloppy, as expected from a more-than-tipsy Minho. He shifted on you ever so slightly, and that was when you felt his erection pressing into your leg.

Your immediate reaction was placing your hands flat against his chest, pushing a bit. That was sort of your way of letting him know that he was making you uncomfortable in some way. He wrenched himself away from you. Even when drunk, he still cared immensely about you. “Did I do something wrong?” His words sounded slightly distressed, and his eyes weren’t staring at you, but rather beyond you. “Why is the left lamp prettier than the right one?” And he was back, a drunken idiot.

“That’s one lamp, dumbass. Focus your vision. Also, you did nothing wrong. But you’re drunk, and I’m not gonna have sex with you while you’re drunk.”

“Why not?” he frowned. It was kind of cute, the way he pouted sadly. 

“Because I want to feel the connection between us, and that’s not there when one of us is drunk. Because that feels like taking advantage of you, in a way, no matter how many times you’ll agree to it. Because I want you to remember everything tomorrow morning, I’d want you to remember the way you felt when you reached your high.”

“But I love you,” he whined. “That’s the connection. I’ll remember this all tomorrow morning. I’m not that drunk!”

“Baby, you told the cat to embrace you as its king.”

Minho rutted his hips against your leg. A low groan sounded in the back of his throat, and he repeated his action. “I want you,” he said, his voice steady and sure.

“Fine.” You didn’t want to argue. Besides, due to his promotions, he’d been busy, meaning that neither of you had been intimate for quite some time. You would force him to lead, for the most part; you refused to do anything to him while he was under the influence. 

He began by eagerly attempting to pull your shirt over your head, but the thread caught in the hook of your bra, somehow. You, while laughing, asked him to stop moving for a second as you attempted to fix your problem. In the end, you pulled it over your head. Minho’s eyes were wide, the humor that was once in them long gone. 

His mouth attached itself to one of your nipples, and the feeling brought a jolt to you, extremely unfamiliar. His tongue swirled around the nub slowly, and you couldn’t help but lose yourself in the feeling. He sucked lightly, and the pressure caused a tiny gasp to escape your lips. 

All too quickly, he stopped. Minho flopped onto his back, looking at you with dark eyes. His hair was slightly messy from where you’d grabbed when he sucked your skin, and his member was hard. “Kiss me,” he said, “everywhere.”

The last word was what caught your attention immensely. You removed his shirt, giving yourself the privilege of seeing his gorgeous body. His skin was pale, but he was incredblye strong, stretching over the muscles of his shoulders, arms, and abs. Your fingers grazed over his abs, and you barely felt the slightest shift in him, clearly enjoying this.

You couldn’t stop yourself, and you moved your mouth down to taste him. You traced the line of his collarbone with you lips, appreciating the slightest shudder under you. Confidently, your tongue flicked out, and it repeated the same line as your lips. He wasn’t even shuddering.

You continued lower, lower still, sucking on his nipples and leaving hickies on his chest, where you knew he was sensitive. He wasn’t saying a word, not even making a noise. His nipples tended to be pretty sensitive,, but not this time. He wasn’t feeling them, somehow. 

Growing stubborn and confused, you unbuckled his jeans and slid down his underwear and pants, exposing his hard member. Minho neither said anything or did anything when you licked his length, trying to tease him. Nothing was done when you swirled your tongue around his red tip, his most sensitive part. He was silent and still when you engulfed as much as him in your mouth as you could, trying to get a reaction.

You looked up, trying to find his face. When you saw that his eyes were closed, you were less surprised than you thought you’d be. Classic Minho, passing out hilariously. Yes, he did act like a crackhead behind doors, but him being tired was a different story. He didn’t wake up for anyone or anything when tired. However, he often slept late, which confused you at times. He could be Nocturnal if he wasn’t an idol. You pulled away from him, no longer taking him in your mouth without him being conscious.

“You were so drunk that you fell asleep while I was pleasuring you,” you whispered to him, a hint of a laugh in your voice. “Minho, you’re an idiot. And I love you for it.”