#what hindered love epilogue

[accioscarheadthings]

ULTRAMINE ~ EPILOGUE

kenji sato x reader

summary: all's well now that the kdf and the gigantron were handled and you all go about your lives, together.

pairings: kenji sato x fem!student!reader

masterlist !

a couple of days later, the commotion had slumbered down a notch. kenji, being a man of his word, took you on the date he had promised.

kenji was standing under the streetlamp, leaning against the pole with his injured arm in a sling. he was dressed in black formal shirt and dress pants. in his right hand, he clutched a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

he did a double take when you arrived in front of him, his jaw dropping and eyes admiring the way your dress hugged you body, tempting him to no limit, "you are breathtaking,"

after a week filled with unexpected events, you both deserved the break. you owed it to yourselves. and to your longing hearts.

despite the broken arm, kenji's determination and desire to be close to you were stronger than any injury.

as you both got ready to call it a night, he followed you into your bedroom, his eyes filled with a mixture of tenderness and longing.

the broken limb was not going to hinder his plans for the night, and his desire to make love to you was evident in the way he looked at you.

after a night of intense passion and exploration, both of you finally succumbed to exhaustion. the fatigue from the previous activities overcame you, and you slowly drifted into a deep, and well-deserved rest.

morning arrived, casting its glow through the partially parted curtains.

as Kenji slowly came to, his sleep-filled mind lazily reached out for the comfort of your presence, only to find the bed empty.

alarm coursed through his veins as he sat up and spotted you sitting at the foot of the bed, intently scrolling through a set of holographic images in the air in front of you.

curiosity piqued, he quietly approached you, noticing the pictures you were looking at.

as realization dawned upon him, he understood that they were pictures of your parents.

you were too consumed by your own thoughts that you hadn't noticed your lover crawl over to you, peppering kisses on your shoulder, "morning babe,"

you reached a hand back, fingers burying in his raven locks, "hi,"

he trailed his lips across your skin, hooking his good arm around your middle, and pulled you onto his lap. he pressed his lips against a hickey below your ear, "kiss for your thoughts?"

you smiled lightly, adjusting yourself to sit properly on him in such a way that your side was to his front. you hugged his neck, "my parents. i never really got to know what happened to them,"

kenji pressed his lips against your cheek, humming for you to continue.

"all my life, i thought the kdf killed them halfway through interrogation. that's what they told the media. there were bodies. but-" you swiped a few folders until you reached the ones of your mom and dad. each of them had a red stamp of the kdf that read : 'status: unknown' "

kenji frowned while you carried on, "strange, right? i mean i was told they were dead. i saw their bodies. i was at the mortuary and i identified them-" your voice cracked, exposing your vulnerable thoughts.

kenji pressed his lips to your temple in comfort, shushing you gently, "it's okay, baby. we'll figure it out," he felt your body going taut and let you curl into him, "I'm right here,"

one week went by after your big face-off with the kdf. you were expecting them to come after you, but surprisingly they hadn't.

maybe you were paranoid, but it never hurt to watch your back.

now, you were seated on the balcony of kenji's mansion, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

kenji was lying on your lap, head resting comfortably on your thick thighs.

you played with his hair, letting your nails scratch his scalp. he moved his hand up and down your calf, his touch light and teasing as he brushed over your knees.

kenji watched the evening sun cast a soft, golden light on you, bathing in a warm, radiant glow. the small hairs on your neck caught in the light, making it look like a halo around you. you looked angelic.

kenji pressed a kiss to the bare skin of your thigh that was exposed by your shorts. you hummed in acknowledgment, and he opened his mouth to bite down on your skin gently to get your attention.

you jerked, looking down at him with that frown he loved, "hey! that was that for?"

"nothing," kenji said cheekily, one hand reaching up the back of your neck and pulling you down to his lips.

you laughed against his lips, kissing him deeply. you slowly straightened as kenji got up without parting from you.

he spun you around as you screamed in fright, making you straddle his lap, "there," his lips pressed against yours again, "much better,"

the sound of water splashing made you both turn towards it.

emi was squealing in delight, her wings beating at her sides as she stayed in the air.

"there’s my girl!"

"hi, baby!"

you and kenji rushed to her, pleased to see her after a long while.

emi whimpered softly, pointing down at the rocks below the mansion.

you and kenji peaked down in the direction she indicated.

emi's mother was washed up against the rocks, curled up in misery. her eyes were crinkled in strain. some metal parts of the 'project:surrogate' still clung to her body.

you tapped your watch twice; metal plates shifted at your foot, crawling up your body and back. once your warbird mask snapped over your face, you activated your turbo boosters, lowering yourself to the kaiju mother.

when emi's mother noticed you, she snarled threateningly, baring her beak.

emi was in front of you in an instant protectively, communicating to her mother that you were only going to help.

"everything alright, there?" kenji hollered from the balcony.

"yeah, i got this," you got closer to the kaiju to get a better view, “it’s emi’s mom. She seems to be hurt,”

it seemed that the metal plates were hindering her motion; a metal plate had embedded itself under the kaiju's wing, nudging its shoulders at an awkward angle.

"you poor thing," you tutted, hovering closer to get a look.

but the kaiju backed away, clawing at the rocks behind.

"it's okay, you can trust me," you hesitantly held out a hand.

the kaiju glanced at your hand, at emi (who nodded whilst cooing at her mother to ease her tension), and back at you.

the kaiju rested its beak against your outstretched palm, closing its eyes.

you exhaled in relief, exchanging a smile with emi over your back.

you leaned against the side of the boat with emi, your lifejacket bunching up in front of you. emi's mother was keeping up with you, swimming through the water.

a hand crept to your waist. you closed your eyes when you felt kenji stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his body warmth.

professor sato was on the other side of emi, smiling over at you and kenji bundled up together. he knew something was eventually gonna pull you both together. you both were that obvious.

he smiled in adoration, seeing himself and his late wife in you and kenji.

mist parted in the distance, revealing the legendary kaiju island.

you leaned back into kenji, letting him hold you as emi trilled in awe pointing in awe and excitement.

kenji felt complete at the moment, with both his girls at his side, having amended things with his father; he had everything he want.

kenji pressed his lips to your hair, "we're here,"

'incoming'

the sudden beeping from his watch jerked kenji awake.

you stirred lightly next to him, snuggling closer in your sleep. carefully, kenji slipped out of your hold, reaching for the device groggily.

he answered the call, the unexpected time of the communication immediately confusing him.

the location on the watch displayed: nebula m78

his confusion turned to surprise when he heard his mother's voice on the line, his eyes widening.

"kenji, can you hear me? it's mom. I'm still alive here with the l/ns'. help us get back home,"

ヽ（the end）ノ

TAGLIST !

@earth-to-mee @sassy-cat-in-town @breaddippedinorangejuice @nuhteyam @gameboigyu @byunpum @jennypenny-19 @doublebunv @moonjellyfishie @m00nd0v3 @despacito-uwu16 @reivelmin @seyoran @warlike-morning @crimson-mage-02 @b3e-sat0 @miffysoo @t4naiis @lovingyeet  @imsimping4life @mmeerraa @btszn @jusmango-shak @yobriisstuff @goldenpoison @bat-h-tic @fruchtgeschmack @iateurdad16 @bandolls @lovingyee @reivelmin @f-ergj @arrozyfrijoles23 @aise-30 @simp-hub @armycaratlover @taleiak @ellie-x0xo @femmefqtqle @mp-buezo @bakugouswaif @berryjuicyy @f-ergj @aise-30 @marshhbs @star-flecked-soul @bontensbabygirl @vynwan-cbq @scarasw1f3 @bakugouswaif @deimmortales99 @burnthecheshirewitch

AUTHOR'S NOTE !

ahh!! i can't believe this is the last chapter. i loved writing this series sm. let me know your thoughts below...

the last bit, i followed it up with the post credit scene of the movie, to add to the plot. let's hope we get another movie.

i'll be writing drabbles because i can't get enough of kenji sato, so keep an eye out for them.

if you guys have any requests, don't hesitate to send them

lots of love<33

[rusted-soda-can]

why don't you talk about how your side of the fandom is talking about one part of you ship? The hate Midoriya is getting from bkdk shipper it's really a proof that how they see his character.

I understand your point and agree with you to a certain extent. I think any hate that is being directed towards Izuku is just plain dumb. I love him as a character, and what I believe the root of most people’s anger — though probably taken out on the wrong subject — is the characterization of Izuku in the epilogue.

I do agree that shipping has become a main focus of a majority of fandom activity and hindered different types of interpretations of media. And that shipping doesn’t always need to be the primary goal in engaging in a piece of media. But I also respect and do engage in shipping a reasonable amount.

I think the main issue is not shipping, but the toxic nature of modern online fandoms and the habit of escalating minor inconveniences into full blown fandom wars.

[lamemaster]

In Search of an Epilogue

Request: Finrod or any of the Fëanorians would match up very well with a faeries au, especially considering how the first men must have felt when meeting finrod. And one can't forget how beor liked finrod so much that he went with him as his vassal, or how they have to keep their oaths. To make it not too much like cannon though and more like an au keeping cannon in mind, it may fit best with modern s/o, or eldaritch elves, those are always fun.

Pairing: Finrod x Reader

Genre: Faerie/canon divergent au

Summary: He can sense your growing agitation, the building tempest of your mind. So close to snapping it. But he will be patient. He was no brute. 

AN: Thanks for requesting! I love dark Faerie core. Idk how this turned out to be this apocalyptic but I hope you like it anon.

Next up- Ritual gone wrong for Amaras. Fall trope event list

You struggled against the chains that held you to the unlit room with blooming black mold that did not hold back from any chance of entering your mind. 

Yet, all this could not erase the sound of his laughter from your memories. The silence of your cell could not hinder your fingers, which mimicked his as he wove the blooms of his forest into crowns. 

Fey touched they called you or the mad one which the much less eloquent ones preferred. For none of your kind had ever escaped the encounter of the firstborn with a mind that held onto its sanity. 

Legends say- just a fleeting sight of the Faeries can drive a man into oblivion. Some have reported women who were left dancing until their feet bled themselves into the ground while others spoke of fools who laughed their guts out.

It is impossible not to love such a noble sight. To not obey the distant kin who held the beauty greater than any in Arda.

Such fear had driven humans away from the forests of the fair folk. Mountains, forests, wonders of the old world were abandoned for the safety of seas and deserts which the firstborn did not frequent. 

Wandering few who ventured into the lands of the past were cursed. For them to never return in most instances and in some the returning being was not human anymore. What returned was the spoil of the firstborn’s sport. 

Such was the case for you. But your mother held her hope. Perhaps this cell was a mercy. A last ditch effort to hold you from the curse that clung to you. But you could no longer care for it. 

You had to get to him. You could hear him calling your name. Why couldn’t anyone else hear it, the loud echo of his calls reverberated through your bones. Please…Please wait for me, you beg him in the splintering thoughts of your mind.

Your wrists strained against the ungiving manacles until the metal gave under the strange magic of your obsession. A subtle scent of pine filled the room. The scent of his magic.

To your mother, you leave crumpled words in hopes of a reunion in a better future. A farewell good enough to live without the grief of loss.

They had been the unmarred firstborn of Illuvatar once. Untouched by the sins that ran rampant in the veins of Middle Earth. But that was now ancient history, lost even to them. 

The tales of Silmaril, love, valor, and honor washed away by the never ending eternity of their world. Valinor had long melted into the void, the Ainur blended into their elements. The Illuvatar called for all but for his priced first born, who were for eternity bound to the wretched lands of their birth. 

They changed too. The stubborn unflinching elves had bowed to the passage of time and paid their price by losing themselves. 

They had allowed the sins of their past to invade their present. This fall was a response to their absent creator. They did not need him, his Timeless Halls that he offered to all but them, or his salvation. 

A bitter rejection of Illuvatar was all his kind possessed. The only vehement revenge they could extract. To marr what he once gloated in his music.

Toying with the pulsing call that Finrod tugs you with, he knows that you will come to him. You too, are unable to resist him. 

He can sense your growing agitation, the building tempest of your mind. So close to snapping it. But he will be patient. He is no brute. 

Nothing like his cousins, who sought humans for their lust. Both blood and carnal. The Sons of Feanor were a mess no matter what age.

No, Finrod was better. He was a friend. That’s what the men of his past called him. The gentle Nom. Their God. He quite enjoyed the worshiping look in their eyes. No different from the ones ages ago. 

And now that the Valar were no longer, he was perhaps the closest to God that humans could ever get. He held no such expectations from Illuvatar, much less for the unfortunate secondborn. It was a mercy to fleeting lives of the secondborn to witness him. To be given a chance to love him. 

It had been a spontaneous plan. You were too alike his Beor. Too trusting, too loyal, and too much in love with him. Finrod snickered, in a past life, he would have been struck by the integrity of love. Of wanting to honor your feelings and loyalty. 

He could still remember his righteous debates with the human woman his brother once pined for. How taken by Illuvatar he had been. Promising to meet her in life beyond Arda ha...

The ages spent on this rock had taught him something else. The past he had weathered long ago.

He had urged your wandering feet into his flower ring. You, who in stupid naivety stepped into his forest. He led you astray, hunting for fawns that plopped you right into his palm. 

And for the old times sakes he had put on quite a show. Seated in the valley of blossoms, he had let you observe him. Let you marvel at his innocent facade of beauty and awe that held the most potent of his glamor.

The marred remnants of the Lay of Leithian were now your story and his. In his woods, he was the Maia and you, a lost prey.

Soon you will be here with him. He will have snatched you from the Illuvatar’s world for a second time or perhaps more.

His mind wonders what web would he ensnare you in this time? Something alluring enough to bring Aegnor back into the play his brother detested so much. 

Bodies are fickle. Yours was at its limit. If the constant droughts of madness had not already corroded your brain, the captivity of weeks certainly had affected your muscles which strained after long hours of crouching in the tiny cell. 

Running through the woods was nowhere as dramatic as the tales of old times made it to be. You were not chased by a band of orcs (those were long gone anyway), nor did you stumble upon the crazy naked woman from the tale you could not remember, or witness the dance of half Maia. 

You did however, after countless falls and scratches from the grouchy trees, ran into a sight worth more than any of the past stories. The sight of your lover, who in the dark of the forest glowed brighter than any star put in the skies by the ancient gods. 

Transfixed by the sight you stood watching his delicate fingers strum the strings of an instrument you had never seen. It’s tune stripping you of all that you carried with you. 

All your yearning spun into his song.

Your steps fall onto the uneven ground without a care. Unnumbered falls had failed to stop you for so long. I am here, you wanted to reassure him. Whisper to him because your heart could not handle scaring him away. I have come so, do not be so lonesome, I am here, your heart thundered a declaration. 

This scene felt like home. As if lifetimes of your existence blended into this. You knew what would happen next, discarding any resistance your hands would cup his cheek. Caress away the burden of countless eternities. 

In that moment, he- Finrod would break away from his trance. He would look at you with a pained expression. His brows would furrow at your sight. He would fuss over your scarred wrists, your bleeding feet, and the scratches on your body.

This was the dance, you were born with the knowledge of. And this was the revelation of that murky, buried beneath the layers of past fate. 

As a Beor, as Pali, as Yjor, and as infinite other yous. You find him in every lifetime. I am here. The words that bring him back. 

Finrod perhaps was one of the abandoned children of Eru. A cruel fae who wrecked your life in every reincarnation. 

But at the gentlest touch, he became your Ingoldo. The elf of Aman. The great king of Nargothrond. 

So without a will to be away from him any longer, you run to him. Your heart- full of fondness from your crooked yet wretched elf.

In your arms, Finrod blinks in a daze, his mind muddled after the tackling hug you engulfed him in. “I am here, Ingoldo,” you whisper, smiling above him. Thank you for finding me.” You caress his hair with an aching familiarity. 

Within mere seconds the scheming fae crumbles. His eyes- clearing into the recognition of the past. An understanding of himself. In all the chapters of Arda, your story and his continued to write itself in different fonts. 

Like the old tome dusted open to encounter it's crisp pages and subtle scent of its origin.

Under the stream of his tears he kisses you, this angst is afterall, the only remaining part of him. The heartbreak of numerous trials that Middle Earth has failed to devour. 

With your mercy, Findarato is himself for those pleasant hours. Unabandoned by the fire of his creator. It is his curse afterall, to seek the end until forever. You are that end. The pleasant pause that relieves him of his darkness. 

And when the worlds do end, he will beg for your forgiveness, the hundreds of you he has wronged. He will repent and grovel for the pain he has caused you. Because then, he will not be this. 

That won’t be a chapter but an epilogue written with the promise of everlasting peace. An end of the Finrod of Middle Earth.

[just-a-fragment]

I feel like we don't praise SS enough for how they handled YSA's character.

Sure her role kinda falls off in the later chapters but her character arcs are *chefs kiss*

She was initially introduced as a potential love interest like in most action/fantasy novels but then she was just a friend, a co-worker that turned into a friend and their dynamics as a co-worker is something unique to both of them, and for a while it's what kept both of them sane and in that moment they knew each other the best. And honestly the whole library scene could've been a perfect set up for sangah getting a tragic ending, ik it was probably always meant to be that kdj got such a "tragic ending" (only talking abt the inital ending cuz i believe he comes back in the epilogue but anyways) due to the amount of foreshadowing the novel has, but like in another novel both of them couldve met a tragic demise or sangah honestly could've sacrificed herself for him if it was written by any other author where orv has a romance as a subgenre.

But because SS wrote ORV the way they did, she doesn't get a tragic ending, her tragedies weren't just for the sake of being tragic that most writers usually give to characters that were introduced as "a nice person". Her tragedies were more due to how her potential is constantly hindered, her tragedies isn't just for the sake of tragedy but because the system itself is inherently gruesome.

It was never about how she had to toughen up or admonish all her morals, it was never about her, her femininity, her talents. It was about how she was constantly undermined by the people around her and how it's incredibly harder to maintain that sense of self under a cruel system. But she did anyways because SS wrote her with such nuance. They easily could've gone the typical nice girl to girlboss route and it would've been fine with how they write female characters. But subversing a subversion makes her so much moreee complex. I love her

[blubbly-pizza]

I read - Dungeon Meshi - 2014/2023

"To eat is to be alive."

I saw it was completed and thought, "hey I read like half of that a couple years ago and really liked it!" So I promptly didn't read it. Instead I waited until I saw too many spoiler images on my dashboard! Which didn't really hinder me, so I started at the beginning and devoured the whole thing in two sittings. Very apt for the material. Also that I got around halfway through before starting over and making my way all to the bottom. No sister death for me though. The rest of my thoughts below the line.

So many elements of this manga weave together to create the best atmosphere. Like good ingredients making a good meal. OK, I'll stop with the food comparisons.

I think the most stand out piece for me is the story's pacing. I just appreciate a goal that, initially, should be a quick adventure, twisting and turning into something more complicated, while staying relatively short. Every goal, Defeat dragon and revive Falin, defeat Falin, defeat Mad Mage, become dungeon lord, defeat demon, and finally resurrect Falin? Fit. On some occasions, writers would use these extended and adjusted goals to artificially increase length. Here it not only feels natural, but even the inciting incident is justified by the twists. They only encountered the red dragon right at the beginning because the Mad Mage was sending it to look for the king.

Characters are absolutely stunning. From design, to motivation, to their growth. Every one has realistic growth. Laios never becomes a perfect leader. Sure he becomes king, but even in the epilogue he's still a goof. He is absolutely not good with people, honestly I don't think any of the main crew really are. But they are good with the people in their party (mostly). It even touches on how a new member fits in, and the realities of your adventuring buddies kind of just being work friends. Izutsumi is baby and I love her. Falin is adorable and I want to hug her.

The art is so fun and good and excellent at setting tone. The amount of times all things in a box will be shaded with one method, even the same density, but still clearly delineated between fore and background is amazing. Ryoko Kui also did designs of the characters as various races, which works so well for identifying the key features of a design. I wouldn't know what to say about page layouts, it's just not something that registers to my brain. I will spare another sentence to commend character design. How they look just makes my brain happy. I think it's the noses.

I could not in good conscience release my thoughts on this work into the aether without touching on the titular aspect of the work.

Food

The most interesting part to the food, is that the monsters all mimic real creatures. Nightmares are the ones that come to mind; aside from a fantasy element, they are mollusks. It makes it easy to connect to the reader and show food that they would also find appetizing. I'm a vegan but don't know the morality of eating monsters. Like, do the walking mushrooms count? I don't know enough to say. More importantly, food as a thing. To live is to need to eat. Of the base level of needs to survive eating is the one we have the most leeway over. You can choose what to eat and prepare. It can be done as an act of love toward others. There is a time where Laios brings up that at times when the worries and anxieties of what needed to be done were getting to him; that food grounded him, allowed him to calm down.

I should get some friends together for a meal.

[wegog]

boruto spoiler alert!

in the new boruto ch. inojin said to hima 'don't worry, himawari. i''m right here with you'

and some people think that's cute. but for me it's kind of cringe. and i'm afraid their possibly romantic relationship can harm hima's development. like it was when inojin saved her. what do you think?

I know a lot of Himawari's fans don't want her to be a part of all these 'famous shipping wars'. And I understand them. Therefore, I will try to be careful and not try draw final conclusion. Because the story is not over yet, and I believe that many things can change. Including my attitude to this question. Inojin x Himawari is not my cup of tea at this point. But I love Hima a lot. And I can be not a fan of a particular ship. But I will always be a fan of a good story.

So, I won’t pretend there isn’t an elephant in the room. I clearly see Kishimoto wants to show us that Inojin has some feelings for her or even has a crush on her. And Himawari’s relationship with him is as important as relationship with other people in her life. Because anyway it’ll influence her own development as the character in this manga. What I care a lot.

At this moment it seems to me like Inojin’s words are irrelevant. Why do I think so?

The first reason, personally, I haven’t found it cute or romantic.

I prefer another type of support in Kishimoto's works

Or something like that

When a guy admits and brings to light the power of his beloved

to support her in difficult situation

or to encourage her,

to make her believe in herself…

Why does Himawari need it in this case? Now in her life is not the easiest period, which is obvious. Her parents are missing (and everyone believes they are dead), her 'big brother 'neglects her, they want to kill her other brother, etc. In addition (which is important here) she does not believe in herself so much

and does not fully understand what she is capable of.

Maybe, she is even afraid of her own power (the feeling that her grandma and her dad had experienced before). And if Inojin said something like:

Don’t worry!

You can do this.

You’re so strong.

You train a lot.

I believe in you

and so on.

So then his support would be about Himawari herself, and not about how he feels about her. Because they will most likely enter into a tough battle. And the whole team must give their best. And Himawari is a wonderful kunoichi. She is not ballast. And despite the fact that we always strive to protect those who are dear to us. It is also very important to believe in their own strength! And if Himawari's role is only to be under Inojin's protection, then that's bad.

It's bad for their development as characters and for their relationship development too! I think it’s clear.

The second thing that not a lot of people pay attention to... Is Himawari's own attitude to Inojin's 'care'. Actually, there isn’t attitude…

She can be neutral

(what reminds me of this reaction of her)

Or they just don’t show her real emotions towards Inojin (like it’s in the last chapter). And we are not able to interpret them. What is hilarious, to be honest...

Of course, Kishimoto can reveal it very soon, and we will see how she adores all his attentions... But right now, it seems like she doesn’t care (in a romantic way) about him.

Maybe because there’s another guy or there isn't a guy at all. Or it can be a situation where there won’t be many interactions between them. It’s just demonstrated Inojin has a thing for Hima. And they’ll just be together in the future or it’ll be shown in the epilogue or something like that.

My main point here is simple… We don’t know.

But for me Himawari deserves a good story. There’s a point of view that having a love interest may hinder her character development. But I don't agree. However, having a love interest in the context of a cheap love story will hinder her character development.

[tojiscumdumpster]

𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝙗𝙮 𝙇𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝘼𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙧

𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗼𝗳 2023

𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗙𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.

𝗚𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽𝘆 𝘅 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲. 𝗔𝗴𝗲 𝗚𝗮𝗽 (𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀)

I devoured this book in a day. BookTok has been raving about Terms and Conditions for ages, and I never gave in until now. I've been reading nothing but billionaire romances lately, so I wanted to try this one out. This was my first time reading from Lauren Asher, and honestly, I think I'm going to check out her other work. I really like how she writes.

The author isn't black, but I do appreciate her for writing a Black FMC. She did it well. No stereotypes. No microaggression. You know, things I worry about when a nonblack author writes black characters. She added important things like Iris getting braids, making it know that she's a black woman by making her skin color known, wearing a bonnet, etc.

Speaking of Iris...

I absolutely love her. I think she's super fun and adorable. Like her personality is addicting. No one Declan fell for her hard. I do feel she was a little too hard on herself at times due to her learning differences, which is normal since so many talked bad about her because of it--including her own father. But she didn't allow that to hinder her career. I love how she's her own person outside of Declan. That's important to me in a romance story. It's like yeah the MMC and FMC are supposed to fall in love, but I wanna see who they without each other around. Iris's friendship with Cal was sweet, too. Very enjoyable and clearly they are two peas in pod if they get a kick out of getting on Declan's nerves, LOL. I giggled at times.

Now for Declan Kane...

Yeah, he's added to my book boyfriend list. I see of the bad reviews saying they didn't love Declan, and that's he's insufferable. See, me? I LOVE Declan. He's such a grump. A billionaire asshole who softens up for his girl. I really like how Lauren wrote Declan. He has daddy issues, struggled at times, but overall, he didn't allow that to cost him the future he desperately wanted with Iris. Great development from his character. When he's an ass. He's an ass. But when he softens up for Iris? Gosh, he was so damn sweet to her. I was definitely swinging my feet while reading. His family is... complicating, to say the least. Declan's father is horrible. My bad. Seth is horrible. Declan's relationship with his problems are oddly heartwarming, despite how much they argue. I mean, that's inevitable for siblings. But I still love seeing them interact.

I really love Iris and Declan's chemistry. It didn't feel forced or robotic regardless of their arrangement. It was built very well. The spice scenes were written nicely, too. I didn't really care for the lack of obscenity because it was replaced with intimacy, which I loved. Especially from Declan's POV. You knew from the beginning he always had a soft spot for Iris. Third act break up was good too. Thank goodness it didn't stem from miscommunication. I would've cursed myself if that happened. But Declan I wanted to hit you with car for what you did. Still love you tho. And honestly, I think he didn’t grovel more is because the author probably didn’t want to make the book longer than what it was. Lauren was probably trying to wrap it up, LOL. Still, maybe she couldn’t written in a time frame within those three chapters. The two epilogues were very sweet, too. I love how they blossomed, and enjoy seeing Declan that way and Iris so happy. They deserved that happily ever after.

I highly recommend this book and I would definitely reread this book. I honestly can't find one thing I dislike about this book. Maybe the only I thing I can say I wished happened was flashback chapters for both Declan and Iris's past. I think that would've made the story a bit more angsty. Other than that, an easy five star.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Nothing and Everything - Part 9

Nothing and Everything - Part 9 

Summary: Certain times of the year are harder than others. This is the first year where they have all been present to face the memories of all the trauma. How can they come together when they each have their own traumas to face?

Pairings: Gen fic (they love Layla and she loves them)

Warnings: Heavy dissociation, Mentions of child abuse, some mentions of violence, Depression, mentions of self harm, PTSD, mentions of hospitalization.

Word Count: 2422

Part Nine: Epilogue - The first steps are never easy, but perhaps they can lead somewhere better than this.

Previous Chapter HERE

It was hard not to resort to old measures. 

It was so unimposing, but it was the fear of what was inside that made him want to run the most. Or, if he was being honest with himself, the fear of what he imagined to be there. 

As a child, the fear was of those who did not understand. Who tried to kill him with so called ‘science’ and ‘medicine’. 

When they were already in pain and suffering, those that claimed to help only caused further trauma and pain. 

Now, a deep seated mistrust existed and a memory that woke him up time and time again. 

The fear had spread and worries, rational or otherwise, trickled down through the system like a toxic fog that hindered their ability to function. 

I will do this. I need to do this. 

Jake set the expectation that he would not run. He would be the one to walk in and he would be the one to sit through the meeting. 

But if you would not mind waiting with me…

He made space for Steven and Marc. He was realistic. If he tried to run, he fully expected them to stop him. If he dissociated into space and beyond, they would take over and guide him back down later. 

They would not force it. Steven had made that very clear when the decision was made. If it became too hard and too painful, he would take them home. 

Layla waited at home for them with a large comforter on the couch to snuggle into when they were done. She called it ‘after care’. Something Marc had rolled his eyes at, but that had been very important to her. 

She had insisted that she make them a good cup of spiced tea, curl up with them in the blanket, and that they would sit in the quiet of the evening when they got home. 

A hand found his shoulder and squeezed gently. “Are you ready, Jake?” 

Jake looked to Jean-Paul then sighed. “Let’s get this over with.” 

Why is it always in a basement? Marc grumbled as they walked into the old creaky building that looked like it had seen better days. And why is there always that smell? 

It smelled of old cigarette smoke and mildew, though no one had smoked in that building for decades now and it seemed relatively dry. There was a folding table with bad burnt coffee, stale donuts, and fliers with dates to other events. 

Jake passed by the refreshments but stuffed a flier in his pocket. If this went well enough, perhaps he could convince himself to come back. 

The people around him were not what he expected. 

Old faces, with wrinkles and thin skin hiding the bones of young soldiers that could no longer carry the weight of unspoken memories. Young faces of men and women that had done and seen too much for their short time on this earth. A few were his age, wearing patches and tattoos that spoke of the world they had traveled. 

All had tired eyes with deep circles under them. Some had scars that were visible. Others were missing parts of them that had been left behind on blood soaked fields. 

Jean-Paul filled a paper cup with the terrible coffee and guided them over to a plastic folding chair that was deeply uncomfortable. 

It was too hot in the windowless room and it felt cramped and dirty. 

Jake picked out the patches and hats that advertised veteran status. They were proud of the time they had served. A reminder to those around them that they were heroes. Or, perhaps a reminder to be gentle. They had been through a never ending war and one must speak softly to be heard over the memory of gunfire. 

Marines. Marc pointed out a man near the front of the room. I know that unit. Might even have served with him once or twice. Ask him if he lost the leg in Pakistan. I knew a guy that lost a leg.

You will do no such thing! Steven hushed Marc and gave him a scandalized bit of British muttering. 

Jake’s leg started to jiggle as he struggled not to give into his basic nature. “I’m fine.” He muttered to himself. “I’m safe. We’re safe.” 

“First meeting?” A man next to him spoke up. The man had a white beard and thick glasses. He could be anyone’s grandpa. Soft in the cheeks and heavy in the gut. 

Jake looked him over quickly. 

The man waited for Jake to decide he wasn’t a threat. “I’ve been out for over fifty years. I still wake up at least three times a week thinking I’m somewhere else. Vigilance and caution saved my life. It’s hard to put that bit away, isn’t it?” 

Jake frowned then nodded. “I’m not sure I’m supposed to be here.” 

“You serve?” The man gave him a sideways look. 

“Yeah.” Jake felt Marc start to slip in as his accent thickened. It was Marc who felt ashamed to be there. To be in the room with those who had served properly and done good. Marc who felt his time as a mercenary left him with a dark mark that meant he should be shunned from being around others. 

“Then you belong.” The man sipped his coffee. 

“You don’t know what I did.” Marc muttered. “Trust me. I don’t belong.” 

“You ever held a flame thrower?” The man looked at him seriously. 

Marc hesitated. “No. It’s-” 

“It’s banned by the Geneva convention now.” He looked down and a far away look that Marc instantly recognized drifted across his face. “You belong just as much as the rest of us. Only one exception.” 

Marc gave the man a hard look. “What’s that?” 

“You a Nazi?” 

“Of course not! I’m-” Steven was appalled by the very notion. 

The man laughed and patted him on the back. “Welcome to the meeting.” 

They settled in, listening to the opening speech by the lead therapist. They spoke about the difficulties of quiet and peace. 

Jake sat with his arms crossed, attentive but also doing his best not to draw any attention or let the others do anything to make those around him think they were crazy. He knew what happened when others saw them as such. 

Jean-Paul raised his hand and Jake’s attention dialed in as his friend shared a piece of himself. 

“Last night I woke up weeping. No bad dreams or stress. No anxiety or even anything that triggered any memories. I could not stop the tears for at least an hour. It was not the first time.” He sat forward, arms on his knees as he looked down at the ground. 

The ground had never garnered so much attention as it did in this small basement with ghost ridden eyes seeking something solid that had always been there for them. 

“This is where the quiet slips in.” One of the organizers spoke up. “You have spent so much time in a state of constant hypervigilance that it’s hard to let anything else through. Stay alert and you stay alive. When the threat is gone, you are still alert. You still keep your guard up and all other emotions sit on the sidelines. When you are finally able to accept that there is nothing hidden in the quiet that poses a threat, it can get quite loud, can’t it?” 

“Deafening.” Jean-Paul sighed. 

“Same with peace. We don’t yet know how to live with peace. We expect violence every second of every day. Threats everywhere. Hidden IEDs with every step, rigged trucks and cars on the side of the road, people with guns and knives waiting to jump out at us any time we walk into an unfamiliar area. When the threats go away and we accept that we are safe, that is when you can finally experience all the other things that you have been avoiding or unable to feel. Grief, loss, anger, fear. They can finally be released from that vice grip and overwhelm you.” The guide looked to all the faces, many of which were nodding. 

Jake put his hand up before he realized he wanted to. The speaker nodded to him and Jake took a moment, shrinking back in his seat a little. “What about… Trauma? Past trauma. Before the military. Why would that come out now?” 

“Most of us joined because of trauma.” A young man in the front snapped then looked sheepish. “Didn’t have anything else to do. Join or get fuck, you know?” 

“Running from trauma and into more trauma.” A woman behind him agreed. “Stay at home and die or go over there and die. What difference did it make? Only this way I got to make the call and fight back.” 

Jake relaxed just a little. 

“I hope none of you are still in those situations. I hope you are all in a safe place now and know that this is a safe place.” The therapist spoke up again. “But now you are in a difficult spot. Fight or flight has kept you going. You fled those situations and learned to fight. Now you no longer have to fight or run. As you and the body realize you are safe, it can now start to unwrap and deal with your past traumas. Your mind is trying to process at long last. Your current situation is over, so now it feels like old scars and old traumas are being dug up out of the blue. I promise you, it’s not out of the ordinary. It feels random, but trauma is trauma. Trauma can mask other trauma.”

It’s because we’re safe. Steven agreed. For the first time, all three of us are safe. All three of us… And we all hold our own trauma. Now that we’re talking… We’re sharing memories and sharing our trauma. 

“Great. How do we stop it?” Jake muttered. 

“You don’t.” The therapist looked at Jake and Jake looked away, embarrassed to have been heard. “The more you try to suppress it, the harder it will be to deal with. I’m not saying to face it all head on, either. Processing in a healthy way is not easy and difficult to do. Some of you are going to need outside help. I can recommend trauma specialists if you see me after the meeting.” 

The room was quiet, each one lost in their own thoughts. 

“Every one of you has trauma. You didn’t come here because you’re coping well back in civilian life and are looking for a good time. You’re here because of difficulties returning to normal life, grief, loss, anger, or looking for someone to relate to. Loneliness can be very damaging. I would encourage you all to make connections here if you can. Find someone to talk to. Someone to share your experiences. It isn’t everyone in the world that can speak the lingo and understand what it means when you say you lost a brother in arms.” 

Jake glanced over at Jean-Paul. Jean-Paul crying alone in the dark of the night and not knowing why. A man years sober and still seeking help while also offering to help them. 

He reached out and lay a hand on his arm gently, giving him a soft squeeze. 

Jean-Paul looked over at him and smiled. He patted his hand on his and squeezed back. Maybe they could face and deal with some of their issues together. 

–

“And then we talked about tips for dealing with flashbacks and triggering events.” Steven prattled excitedly to Layla, curled in the blanket nest she had built on the couch. “They even talked about dissociation a little! I mean, different from our type, but not by a lot. The kind used to escape stress or dealing with real world problems. Apparently the sense of smell can be a huge help! Jake’s going to get one of those car tree things that make everything smell like pine.” 

Layla smiled and sipped her tea. “It sounds like it was a good meeting. Do you think it will help?” 

“It can’t hurt, right?” Steven pulled a blanket closer. “I think Jake wants to go again. Marc said he was open to it. I think Marc wants to talk to some of the older guys. We met one that chatted to us a bit.” 

Steven was quiet for a moment as he settled down at last and thought about the things they had learned. “I think it will get worse before it gets better. We have to accept that and prepare for it. The more we learn about one another and our past, the more things are going to come up. Jake has agreed to stop hiding things from us. Within reason, of course. He said he’ll still keep the real nasty things away. There’s only so many nightmares we can handle at a time, right?” 

Layla nodded, deep in thought. “It will take time. Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Steven looked at her, feeling sorry for the future her that would have to wake to their nightmares in the middle of the night. To the her that would find them crying without reason. To the her that may have to travel to strange towns to collect them again and again. He felt sorry that she would have to witness their pain as it unraveled before her. 

“Be you.” He moved to lean into her, resting his head against her shoulder. “Don’t let yourself get lost in our pain. Push us to remember that you are a person too. That you have your own trauma and sorrow.” He felt Marc’s guilt and Jake’s fear. “Make space for yourself too. Don’t let me take up the life. You deserve to live as much as the rest of us.” 

“Steven…” She kissed his forehead gently and nestled into him under the blanket fort. “Whatever comes next, I’ll be there.” 

Steven didn’t know what would be next. If it would be enough to heal or if they were even capable of healing. They had to try, though. They had gone too long floating in the nothing. It was time to place the nothing behind them. 

They all squeezed Layla’s hand gently. Maybe this was what waited for them beyond the nothing. Maybe moments like this, filled with tea and blankets and soft and quiet and gentleness… Maybe this was everything. 

Steven hoped so. Maybe everything wasn’t so bad after all. 

[omgkalyppso]

For Étoile/Astarion please:

🍰 What is 'their song'? Officially or unofficially.

🩷 What is the sweetest thing they've done for one another?

🤎 How do they comfort each other?

💋 What is their favorite place to kiss their partner? Do either enjoy 'leaving a mark'?

For Étoile/Halsin please:

🩷 What is the sweetest thing they've done for one another?

🤎 How do they comfort each other?

♪(^∇^*) Thank you for the ask!

Étoile and Astarion

🍰 I'm not sure what officially and unofficially might mean in this context.

A song from their playlist which I wouldn't give them awareness of even in modern fic is Hot Tea by half-alive. Sharing a lyric video because the official video of the song is weird and I am not a fan of the interpretative dance in it fdhtdfghgdf :

A song I'd be willing to give them awareness of in a modern setting is Wicked Game by Chris Isaak which I'm inspired to take off of Neil's Astarion playlist. It has very strong vibes of one of the last songs played at an event where people are inebriated and tired, swaying slowly; or could just be something that Astarion turns off on a radio for being a little too on the nose; or fits the mood of an intimate scene like the love scene in Dirty Dancing to me. Anyway:

🩷 <- I can copy and paste this but I can't see this emoji, whatever it is.

I suppose it depends on your definition of sweet, because I imagine I could think up some gifts and surprises, recollections and whatever else. Instead, I'll pick pivotal moments of "sweetness," which I think if I remember right I told some various friends on discord but aren't exactly me repeating myself here.

Raphael's pronouncement of victory is something I hope to one day explore in fic for Étoile. Initially I'd speculated that it could have happened even the very same night as the long rest after the netherbrain, with Astarion's last scene before the credits. But now there's the epilogue and to honour something like it, that means it's at least six months later — I'll probably place it nearer 2 years post-canon, with Raphael's intended return 10 years post-canon.

Étoile's anxiety loses some of it's bite this way, but to re-iterate. They (are and) feel so responsible, and they feel that as a result of this that they are and will be so alone in having to sound out a solution and / or battle plan to face Raphael. They expect that if a solution can be found that this time stopping the person who wields the Crown will demand their life. They won't be able to picture the vampire spawn's recent, precarious alliance, living situation, lifestyle, can handle both their and Astarion's sudden departure. They imagine themself hindered in travel and resources trying to come up with an answer, and Astarion being unable to follow, whether across the Material Plane or at least into Baator, where they don't even know if there's a night-day cycle or whether the fires that burn are ones that a vampire could stand in the presence of. If it's hard for them to admit to all this other shame, it's easy for them to be vulnerable in conversation with Astarion about how they wanted this life with him, with his their people, and how after a few hundred years if it hadn't come up that they would have asked if he'd wanted to turn them, which is as much as a commitment as either of them could make.

Anyway, it's sweet of Astarion to hold back an "I told you so" for more than a week, to reassure Étoile that their people will be fine with the pair of them coming and going because they will have to be, among any other number of reassurances he makes. It is sweet of him to recognize that he could take this as a cue to step away from "an adventurer's" problems (with all the problems of community, politics, lifestyle and "inheritance" that he has had to deal with since the end of the Gate's last disaster) and away from all semblance of "commitment" that had been so alien and chafing and frightful and difficult in this relationship; and instead decide that even this impossible challenge and all the other problems were perhaps just as rewarding (if not moreso) than the domestic rewards — never as an elf nor as a vampire had he ever wanted an unremarkable life.

For Étoile's moment of sweetness, I may have spoken before about how I have dialogue for a "mirror scene" blocked out. I waffle on whether it'll get written not just because I have so many wips, but also because I worry Everyone who writes Astarion has written a mirror scene and so I worry I bring little new to the table. Even so, my mirror scene has Astarion's final moment of "Just tell me I'm beautiful and we can call it a day" result in anger. Astarion whining, exasperated, "It doesn't feel good. Why doesn't it feel good? Is it because I asked?" And this resulting in an extra conversation in the shadow-cursed lands before the hug scene, where part of my blocked dialogue includes the following; they are laying spooned together:

Astarion: [after a breath] When you called me beautiful … it was the first time in two hundred years that it wasn't said by a victim or someone … looking to take advantage. Whose words meant nothing and were … an expectation. Part of a process. An undignified one. It was the first time in two hundred years the word wasn't Cazador's. To call me beautiful while I was flayed open, or bleeding from the mouth, or— [he tenses, not quite ready to cry. Étoile squeezes and slowly takes his hand] Étoile: Your body is your own. [They bring his fingers to their lips for a kiss, Astarion chooses to follow the movement to face them] My words are mine. I don't want to make you feel like that. Astarion: I know. Étoile: [Releases Astarion's hand to put their hand on his chest] I'm glad you know. I want to say these things anyway. [Astarion strokes back some of their hair] I want you to hear them.

And how this scene would fucking fly to the forefront of Étoile's mind in addition to their moments of sexual intimacy during the hug scene. They would have the knee-jerk reaction of those moments having been all lies, of themself and their body being revolting to Astarion for an unknown how-long, until it's more obvious to them that Astarion's point is that these moments weren't as repulsive as they should've been, and far more sincere than he could have stomached without coming forward. It is these moments of communication and respect which endear Astarion to Étoile and earn his shaky trust.

Also shout out to Astarion for being "sweet" enough to travel across four countries with Étoile for them to see their home (and their mother?) one last time with living eyes before vampirism. (Even knowing this was going to be difficult as all hell if Aranea's still living on her mountain.)

🤎 While this is kind of answered in the last emoji, I feel like this is extremely conditional. Étoile needing to be comforted in grief is not the same as them needing to be comforted after being slighted publicly. Astarion needing to be comforted because of the oppressive weight of days of earth overhead in the Underdark is not the same as needing to be comforted because one of his siblings (Violet) trying to kill one another (Yousen). Sometimes it's an embrace and conversation, sometimes it's threatening to eviscerate one's enemies (sometimes it's following through). A lot of the time for them it's space and an invitation of their presence, whether that's a cup of tea or distraction like paperwork / letters / a reminder of life outside of what ails them.

💋 Étoile far prefers to be marked than doing the marking, but that doesn't mean their lovers don't end up with the occasional fading signs of intimacy. Their own most obvious such marks are more permanent even before vampirism anyway, and all from Astarion; scars of bites, technically sources of feeding but also signs of play, on the right side of their neck, on their left breast up close to their breast plate / center of their chest, on the inside of their left thigh. Indicative of Astarion enjoying where he can, or could once pre-vampirism, feel the pulse under their skin loudest. Other such bites didn't scar, and others still were not for feeding and healed even more swiftly. Étoile would say their favorite place to kiss Astarion is his mouth, both for the pleasure of his lips and the danger of his teeth; if needing to select somewhere "more interesting" then in public they'd say at the center of his brow, and in private they'd still flush in embarrassment about how they think it's somehow rude to choose his ass.

Étoile and Halsin

🩷 The sweetest thing Halsin does for Étoile (and Astarion), besides keep them in his heart, is construct an underground shelter (the first of many) in his Moonrise Village to alleviate the burden of the far more numerous population in their care, even by a few bodies, even temporarily.

I repeat myself a lot, but I think Étoile's sweetest gesture to Halsin is near the end of his long life, counselling on what an unlife could be, offering to turn him either within the laws and context of their vampire community or secretly otherwise, with reassurance that they would happily accept him into their home if all beasts and men turned from him as a decree from his Oakfather for the abberation of vampirism, and the sentiment "if I meet you in hell then it's not hell."

Prior to that I think a visit from Étoile (and Astarion) to Halsin's Moonrise Village: an appointment kept despite how others in the Village might be absent on their own adventures or lost to time, would be the sweetest thing in Halsin's biased opinion. Six days travel (twelve both ways) just to see him? Not for healing, nor counsel, nor to take on more people or projects of druidic magic or infrastructure. Not a plight of adventure, not a disappointment for it being just him. Just a visit, to share his company and whatever that entails; when they could have just stayed home, rescheduled until others returned and the visit felt of greater worth.

🤎 I stand by comfort being highly conditional, but I do think Halsin is far more susceptible to words of comfort. Étoile talks to Halsin in the context of faith, while theirs is for Auril and his is for Silvanus. It helps. Étoile is comforted by how earnest Halsin is; he was very critical when they first met, and remains just as free with his criticisms when people lose his respect. There are oceans of time between the moments of Halsin's impatience with Étoile, and there were times where he was more forgiving than he should've been because scenarios were simply beyond his ability to distinguish the kindest path (like with the Crown and Raphael). But even so, Étoile is reassured when Halsin offers comfort or advice, trusting that he would still be straightforward if their grief or embarrassment or frustration was otherwise unworthy of them.

[morphogenetic]

Mediaposting 2023, #35: Banana Fish (anime)

[said while vibrating very quickly and typing out like 20 different bullet points] i like this series a normal amount

okay so. non-spoiler thoughts:

step 1 YOU SHOULD READ/WATCH THIS. it does have content warnings for literally everything you can possibly think of as needing a common content warning (drug abuse, sexual assault, racism, and thats absolutely just the tip of the iceberg) but my fucking god. no wonder it's been such an influential piece of media on literally every jp anime/manga crime story (especially the BL ones) written since

for a series that is literally one of the early genesis points of BL as a genre i was ABSOLUTELY expecting more actual BL than was in this LOL. not that i'm really upset, bc honestly i really like the way that ash and eiji's relationship is written in a shoujo-y "they obviously care about each other a lot but it's not going to be outright romance" kind of way. bc like, honestly? that makes it way more emotionally satisfying (and devastating). i think it would actually make less sense if anything more happened In the story (though more happening in the epilogue wouldnt hurt LOL)

how the FUCK was this published in a shoujo magazine

the time period change to modern day from the mid-80's has both helped and hindered this series bc like. on one hand. much easier to do everything with a phone. also the update to shorter's character design was excellent,10/10 no notes. on the other hand. the Everything About It makes it so obvious that it was written to be a product of its time.

speaking of ^ ash turning from A Guy Who Knows How To Use A Computer into a hacking genius is so. why. i mean you can update it for sure but Why Like This

god i wish this had more room to breathe sometimes bc the exposition goes WILDLY fast sometimes. why did they try and do 19 volumes in 24 episodes. the 39 episodes that the director wanted would have been so nice to have

that said: the emotional moments that i actually give a shit about and that make up the core of the weight of the story are given what they deserve. at least up to volume 5 they are. gestures at ep 9? and 22 with a pained smile

i literally could write an essay about why it works so well as a spin on the american-style gangster story even while it definitely has flaws. and how its influenced so many fucking things. my god.

it has flaws for SURE but the rest is so good that i don't care. which is rare for me (gestures at nirvanai/neo twewy being other examples)

spoiler thoughts under the cut (like full-very-ending-of-series spoilers) but YEAH UH I LIKE THIS THING CAN YOU TELL BY HOW MUCH I WROTE ABOUT IT.

it does kind of annoy me that literally all of the canon-MLM (probably gay but you know) guys are horrible people lol. like wow love how the gay predator stereotype is on full display here. feeeeels baaaaad. i know i know asheiji homoeroticism i am ON THAT TRAIN

however yut-lung being feminine out of a wish to carry on his dead mom's legacy is kind of a slay. ive seen people go "ugh it sucks that one of the villains is a feminine man' but while he is definitely not a good person hes one of the less terrible villains, just like. as a person. hes also a teenager in shitty circumstances just with way more power and sway

here's the part where I admit that I was spoiled on the ending so it didn't hit as hard for me OOPS. however. the anime DOES leave it open-ended and it fucking irritates me that anime-only people are like "boo i hate the ending bc ash dies!!!" when it is LITERALLY AMBIGUOUS. i have heard that the manga is less ambiguous about it but :') oh well. anime-onlys what are you doing

speaking of ^ i actually like the ending. like i think a lot of people who absolutely hate it must not have a lot of familiarity with gangster movies as a genre bc it is a genre convention that the Main Gangster dies in the end. granted this was a hayes code thing which the manga definitely did not have to do LOL but its definitely supposed to feel unfair bc ash's damn LIFE is unfair.

however i'm glad the anime makes the ending ambiguous bc that feels like a more fitting end. like ash's life was always in limbo, considering what he was doing, so making his life in limbo at the end too? Good. Yes. Do That

the fucking. everything with shorter and the sa-yo-na-ra bit. i die. that shit is so emotionally painful

i know this sounds weird but i kind of wish they dragged out the "what the hell does banana fish mean" thing a LIIIITTLE longer but by that i mean like, halfway point of the series. like they could have used a little more time to figure out what it is. also that would have let shorter live a little longer ay lmao that said this criticism also almost definitely applies to the manga soooo. you know

[firelxdykatara]

Also, Kataang fits the 'hero gets the girl' trope not because Katara is nothing more than 'the girl' (although as you pointed out, she is not given the same textual and narrative weight as a hero as Aang is, and she is frequently sidelined so that Aang in particular can shine but that's an essay for another day), but because Aang does not have to do anything to win Katara over except be the Hero.

The entire point of the 'hero gets the girl' is that the hero is handed a romantic relationship because he's the hero, not because he did anything to earn the feelings of his love interest (who, in most instances of this trope and indeed with Kataang as well, is usually completely oblivious to his feelings and/or actively discouraging of his advances), but because he deserved a reward in the form of getting the one thing he truly wanted above all else the entire time, and is handed it on more or less a silver platter.

And it's just completely inarguable in the case of ATLA because the very last scene Katara and Aang share alone before the epilogue is in Ember Island Players, where he kisses her when she didn't want him to, she gets upset about it and storms off, and they do not say another word about it. Ever. It is completely unaddressed. They don't even speak to each other again directly after that, and the only scene they are in together in the finale is Aang yelling at her and the others before storming off at the beginning of the four-part finale and then having zero contact before the epilogue.

Katara decides, entirely off-screen, that she's resolved all the complications that hindered her potential romantic feelings (despite the fact that for most of the show, she explicitly has none for him to begin with), and the implication in the camera lingering on her loving smile in the epilogue is that seeing Aang hailed as the Real Hero is what helped her realize she was Truly In Love with him.

It's literally a textbook case of the trope in question in every respect.

The thing about people trying to "defend" KA by "debunking" common zutara takes is that it results in some really wonky and decidedly antifeminist takes. One of the most ridiculous and actually hair-raising in its anti-intellectualism is "KA isn't hero gets the girl, it's hero gets the hero!"

Which is wrong on multiple levels. And part of the thing is, hero gets the girl is such a ubiquitous trope that you really shouldn't have to try to debunk it. There are a lot of ships I like even though they fall under that narrative. And trying to debunk it kind of makes you look like an idiot. Especially with atla, because although Katara is a hero, she just blatantly does not take up the same amount of narrative space as Aang. She's the last waterbender of her people, and yet the show is still called Avatar: The Last Airbender. The trope she takes up most often is mentor figure to Aang, who is positioned in every way as the most important figure in the story and the ONLY person who can save the world.

This does, in fact, turn out not to be true in the end. Katara gets a moment of heroism in the finale during a climactic battle that is in many ways, more memorable than Aang's. But she's still not standing up on that stage at the end. No one calls her "the real hero." She doesn't get to stand next to Aang and Zuko during his coronation, despite the fact that Zuko would be dead if not for her. In fact, the camera follows her gaze intensely as she looks lovingly at Aang being lauded as the hero of the day.

Katara spends a lot of time throughout the story fighting to be recognized as a hero in her own right, and this is precisely because she starts at a deficit, and gets extremely angry at Aang when he shows her up, in a scene that's almost metatextual in Katara's awareness that she is not the hero of the story. The show allows her isolated moments to prove herself, but ultimately shunts her to the side for the sake of "the real hero," who she is destined to marry from the moment he lays eyes on her, and people pointing out the sexism here should be a surprise to no one except those who ascribe to the most milquetoast definition of feminism and a complete ignorance of narrative criticism.

[searchingwardrobes]

This past week has been a busy one for my original published novel. A lot of exciting things have happened, including starting my writer’s blog: melanietillman.com . I have had extra unpublished content for What Hindered Love for a long time, but I wanted to get my blog up and running first. Now that I have, I will now be releasing that content both on my blog and here on tumblr. Up first is this: the unpublished epilogue to What Hindered Love full of steamy moments, hot dad Micah, and loads of family fluff. Spoilers ahead, naturally, so the entire thing is under the cut.

Tagging those who may be interested: @xhookswenchx @branlovestowrite @sherlockianwhovian @thislassishooked @ekr032-blog-blog @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells (Marta, I know you haven’t finished it yet, but you can mark it for later) @kday426  @onceuponaprincessworld - I’m forgetting who else has read it! I apologize if I got any of these wrong or forgot anyone. 

And if you haven’t read What Hindered Love yet, you can always get it on Amazon. After all, what better time of year for a romance novel?

October, Two Years Later

Chloe was surprised when she woke up to see that her clock radio read only a little after 6 am. She wasn’t a morning person at all, and usually it was either her alarm or her children who roused her. She was also surprised that she was completely naked beneath the sheets. She had evidently slept more soundly than she had in a long time.

She wasn’t surprised, however, when Micah’s arm circled her waist, and he drew her close against his bare chest. He never needed an alarm to waken, and Chloe had yet to rise before he did. He nuzzled into her neck and mumbled a good morning against her skin. She turned in his arms to better gaze into his bright blue eyes, which were slightly bleary from sleep.

“I told you last night I would fall asleep. You should have let me get dressed,” she scolded him.

Micah’s hands began to roam and his lips caressed the pulse point behind her right ear, “What’s wrong with falling asleep naked in your husband’s arms?”

Chloe couldn’t help giggling, “Nothing,” she pulled his head from the track he was making down her collar bone to make sure he was really listening to her, “but when said husband and wife have three children, they have to be prepared and fully clothed for interruptions.”

“Good point,” Micah chuckled, but he then proceeded to continue the path she had interrupted, mumbling the rest of the words against her skin, “but isn’t this a glorious way to wake up in the morning?”

Chloe attempted to squirm out of his embrace even as he elicited a moan from deep in her throat. “Micah,” she panted, pushing him away, “I have to get up. Today’s a big day.”

After Micah’s confession almost two years ago, Chloe had yanked him inside her apartment, their kisses frantic and passionate. She had pushed him into the kitchen table, both of their hands roaming until she had slid hers down to the button of Micah’s jeans. With a groan, he had closed his hand over hers and shook his head.

“No, Chloe,” he had said gently. “I want you. You have no idea how badly I want you. But this time, we’re doing this the right way.”

She was tempted at first to be frustrated, but when she had seen the tender love shining in his eyes, she had felt so cherished. So instead, they had surprised Luke by picking him up to decorate the tree early and tell him that Mommy and Daddy had gotten back together. The joy on their son’s face had been indescribable.

They had fallen in love hard and fast as teenagers, then became best friends over the course of a year as adults, so there really was no need to drag things out. Three months later, on Valentine’s Day, Micah and Chloe were wed. She had said at first that a small ceremony with their closest family and friends was okay with her, but he would have none of it. Chloe had never had a wedding, and she deserved her dream one. Besides, Micah had joked with a wink, she was marrying into the perfect family to pull it off. And pull it off they did. It was the wedding she had always dreamed of and thought she would never have.

On their wedding night, when they had finally become one again after 6 ½ years, Chloe literally wept at the intensity of it. Their love had always been so deep and consuming. Now it was also sacred. Micah Barrett was now not only her lover, not only her best friend, but her soul mate.

Chloe rose from the bed now with a giggle on her lips at her husband’s pouty face. She quickly stepped into a pair of underwear, then grabbed Micah’s discarded t-shirt from the night before and slipped it over her head. She walked around the end of the bed and headed for the door, but Micah reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back into bed. She laughed and straddled his waist, resting her hands on his chest.

He smiled up at her, “This is one of my favorite looks on you. On top. In my shirt.”

Chloe shook her head and grinned down at him. She lowered her head, her hair falling like a curtain over his face. Their lips met, chaste at first, but then the kiss grew hungrier. Her hair kept getting in the way, so she pulled him up to a sitting position, wrapping her legs around his torso. Chloe pulled back, suddenly overcome with a familiar feeling.

“What?” Micah asked with a tender smile.

Chloe wrapped her arms around his neck and shook her head, “I just dreamed of this for so long, that sometimes I still can hardly believe it really happened.”

Micah cupped her cheek, “Me too, sweetheart.”

They resumed their kissing, lips and tongue giving and taking hungrily, but then sounds from the baby monitor pulled both of them from the passion of the moment. Chloe tilted her head back in frustration while Micah gave an irritated sigh. He grabbed the video monitor and looked at the tiny screen. He grinned and turned it so she could see. She couldn’t help the grin that filled her face, either. Their daughter wasn’t crying, but squealing loudly and shaking the side of her crib as if it were a cage she wished to break free from. They could clearly hear her ten month old babbling through the monitor:

“Ma ma ma ma ma ma!”

“Our little princess is demanding attention,” Micah quipped.

Chloe glanced at the clock: 6:30 am. “It is time for her breakfast,” she admitted, giving her husband a pout.

He leaned forward to give her a quick peck on the lips. “We can resume these activities any time,” he told her with a wink.

Chloe crawled off his lap and headed for the nursery. Clara was eager to see her mama, and reached chubby hands towards her. Chloe scooped her up, blowing raspberry kisses against her cheeks. Clara squealed with glee. This was the way she always greeted the day, with smiles and laughter. Clara had by far been the easiest baby for Chloe. She slept through the night by the time she was two weeks old, took to nursing like a champ while also taking bottles of formula with ease, and was generally content to sit and watch the world go by with a smile on her face. Chloe changed her diaper now, chatting to her as Clara babbled back. Chloe smiled down at the amber eyes that matched her own. After two boys who were each the spitting image of their fathers, Chloe was beyond delighted to have a mini-me of her very own, right down to the dimple in Clara’s chin and the golden locks just beginning to curl at the nape of Clara’s neck. Once the baby had a fresh diaper, Chloe settled into the rocking chair to nurse her. She knew that as soon as Clara finished eating, the boys would be awake.

Sure enough, Chloe heard thunderous feet pounding down the hallway as she burped Clara, followed by squeals of “Daddy!” She didn’t have to witness it herself to know that a tickling/wrestling match was now occurring in her and Micah’s bed.

Chloe came out into the hallway with Clara on her hip just as Micah exited their bedroom with Luke daggling from his back and Lincoln wrapped around his leg. Even though he was already hauling the weight of both boys, he reached out and took Clara.

“I’ll get the kids breakfast,” he told her, “so you can take your time getting ready for church. Today’s a big day for both my girls!”

Chloe’s heart constricted as Micah bounced Clara on his hip. “You look so hot right now,” she told him, and he did. Fatherhood looked good on him. She missed this with Luke, and she didn’t take it for granted now.

Micah wriggled his eyebrows, “That’s me. A hot dad.”

Chloe laughed and smacked him in the chest as she rolled her eyes. She couldn’t deny the truth of the statement, however, and couldn’t wipe the smile from her face as she headed for the shower.

She stepped out of the bathroom, tying her bathrobe around her waist, to the sound of loud knocking on the bedroom door. “Mommy!” Luke shouted. “Are you dressed?”

Chloe shook her head and chuckled, “Yes, sweetie, come on in.”

But it wasn’t just Luke, but all three children plus Micah, who walked through her bedroom door. Luke carefully carried a tray containing a plate of pancakes and a side of sausage. Lincoln carried a fistful of yellow daisies, and Micah carried a glass of orange juice in his free hand while balancing Clara on his hip. Her boys were also all singing “Happy Birthday” as Clara clapped her hands gleefully. Chloe shook her head as tears stubbornly welled in her eyes at the sight. She didn’t think she would ever get used to how blessed she was.

There was a birthday candle stuck in the pancakes, and Luke and Lincoln begged for her to make a wish, bouncing up and down with excitement. She bent over and blew out the candle, only realizing later that she never did make a wish.

*********************************************************

Chloe bounced Clara on her knee as she watched Micah and the praise band warm up. Luke sat on the steps leading up to the stage fiddling with his baby Taylor which he insisted on bringing with him every Sunday morning. Lincoln ran around the sanctuary with his cousins, Haley and Noah Barrett. Every once in a while, one of the adults had to admonish them to behave. Tom Barrett sat next to Chloe just like he had every Sunday since she and Micah started dating and driving to church together. She still remembered the first Sunday he sat down beside her, clearing his throat nervously . . .

“Chloe,” he had begun, seeming somewhat nervous, “I’ve never seen Micah so happy in my life.”

She had smiled back, “I’m pretty da-darn happy myself, to be honest with you.” Chloe had blushed furiously at her near slip-up, but Tom had just laughed.

His laughter turned to a frown as she had fidgeted nervously in her seat. “I owe you both an apology and a thank you.”

Chloe shook her head in confusion, “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I owe you an apology for the way you were treated at Community Fellowship all those years ago.”

She had dropped her head, suddenly studying her nails with intense scrutiny, “Some would say I should apologize for destroying your church.”

Tom’s face had softened at that, “Oh, Chloe, no! On the contrary, I have you to thank for saving it. When I saw how my congregation treated a hurting young woman, not to mention how they treated my own son, it was a wakeup call. I knew that wasn’t what the church was meant to be. I lost members yes, but I regained truth, compassion, and the true gospel of Christ.”

“But you’re not in that beautiful building anymore.”

“No, but a church is more than a building. It’s people. And yes, we had very few of those too when we first moved to this warehouse. But look at us now! We’re full every Sunday, but more importantly, we’re a group of people who have learned to truly love others. This is now a church that practices grace. And I don’t know if that ever would have happened if not for that little boy right there.”

He was gesturing to Luke, who was patiently showing Lincoln how to wave one of the worship flags. The smile on Tom’s face was so full of love, not that it surprised her in the least. Luke’s grandparents had always adored him. But then Tom turned towards her, his face still filled with love and acceptance. Chloe never would have believed it possible, but in Tom Barrett she found the father figure she never even knew she wanted or needed.

Now, Tom eagerly took little Clara from Chloe’s arms and bounced her on his lap. Clara rewarded him by grabbing his cheeks with her pudgy little hands.

“She isn’t wearing the christening gown Elizabeth bought,” Tom pointed out, eyeing Clara’s cotton dress covered in pink butterflies.

Chloe laughed, “I’m not putting that on her until the last possible moment. I’ve seen that episode of The Office.”

Tom nodded in understanding as he smiled and cooed at his granddaughter. Chloe thought back to when she used to be afraid of mentioning TV shows and other entertainment around Tom and Elizabeth. But eventually she had stopped trying to censor everything she said when she came to the realization that Tom and Elizabeth were normal people just like anyone else. Whatever normal was, anyway.

“Well,” Tom said, eyes focused on the baby girl in his arms, “Clara is beautiful no matter what she’s wearing.”

A few hours later, after the worship set, Chloe Barrett stood at the front of Community Fellowship, Micah at her side, holding a precious bundle of white in her arms. And they were surrounded by family. Yes, Chloe Barrett, surrounded by family. More family and friends than she would have ever thought possible, two years almost from the day that she had made the bravest decision of her life. Here, on her 28th birthday, they were dedicating to the church their precious baby girl.

Chloe wiped the tears from her eyes as Micah draped his arm around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She looked up into his eyes and thought of the long and winding road they had to travel to get here. But if that broken road was what it took to get them here, she would gladly walk it all over again.

Tom said a few words to the congregation about how dedicating a child to the church meant that they all had a responsibility to love that child, teach her, and guide her. He had Chloe and Micah repeat a few words after him, and then asked the congregation to respond “yes” as he asked them to assist the parents in raising the child up in the way she should go.

“Now I invite Clara’s immediate family to come up and pray blessings over her,” Tom announced.

Lincoln walked forward and leaned over his baby sister. He was five now and in kindergarten. He had grown into an extremely precocious child who was already reading well. He also loved to tell stories, and Micah and Chloe were always amazed at his imagination. Micah’s mother called Lincoln an old soul, and Chloe had to agree.

“I prayed for a baby brother,” Lincoln said now, as the congregation chuckled, “but I guess you’re okay. And even though you smell bad sometimes, you’re pretty cute once Mommy and Daddy change your diaper.”

The congregation laughed again, but Chloe glanced at Micah, who was swallowing hard. Lincoln had started calling him “Daddy” not long after their wedding, but it still moved them both. Scott at first became “my other daddy,” and now Lincoln had taken to calling him just plain “Dad” while Micah exclusively was “Daddy.”

“So,” Lincoln finished, heaving a small sigh, “thanks for making me a big brother.”

Luke came forward then, eight years old now, the top of his head now hitting the bottom of Chloe’s chin. But he still liked to kick the soccer ball in the backyard with Micah. (The backyard of their split-level, brick ranch. Chloe had watched enough House Hunters to know that most couples would turn their noses up at the dated 1980s style, but Chloe still pinched herself sometimes to remind herself that it was actually their home.) He still loved Star Wars and pirates, and he still wrestled his little brother on the living room rug. But Chloe knew how fast the years would fly, so she was determined to cherish every little boy moment.

Luke cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “When I was a little kid, I told Gramma that I wanted my Mommy and Daddy to get married so I could have a real family.”

Chloe stepped closer to Micah and threaded her fingers with his.

“So Gramma told me to pray and ask Jesus. Well, he did it, and it’s so awesome. You’re gonna love this family, little sister.”

Then Chloe thought she might die of sheer joy as Luke bent his dark head over his sister’s blonde one and kissed her gently. Once Luke stepped back, Micah relinquished Chloe’s hand so he could gather his baby daughter in his arms.

“Clara, the first time I held your brother Luke, fear gripped my heart. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a father,” Micah cleared his throat, and Chloe lay a comforting hand on his arm. It still wasn’t an easy time for him to talk about. “God used that moment to change my life, and I will never forget it. But my sweet little girl, the first time I held you, it was like I was holding hope itself in my arms.” Micah was choking on tears now, but he swallowed and continued, “I pray for you, my daughter, that you never lose hope, no matter what darkness may surround you. And never doubt my love. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, you can never make me stop loving you. And God’s love? It’s even stronger than mine. Never forget that.”

Tears were streaming down his face now as he handed Clara back to Chloe. Most of the congregation was sniffling, too. Chloe was surprised to find that she was calm, maybe because she was nervous about talking in front of everyone, but that didn’t mean Micah’s words hadn’t moved her deeply. She’d never been more proud of him than she was in that moment. She smiled at him, and then gazed down into her daughter’s smiling face.

“Clara, when your big brother Luke was born, your daddy and I were all alone with a storm raging around us, in more ways than one. But when you were born, we were surrounded by friends and family, and joy just filled the room. The moment you arrived, I laughed with joy – literally laughed. The doctor laughed, too. She said she’d delivered hundreds of babies over the years and not once had she laughed like that. We named you Clara, sweet girl, because it means light. After so many years of darkness, our family is finally bathed in light.”

Chloe placed her hand tenderly on her daughter’s head, “I pray you would be brave, sweet Clara. Brave enough to love freely, without walls. Brave enough to cling to hope no matter what difficult times may come. Brave enough to be a light in the midst of darkness.”

Chloe lifted her head to see her entire family watching her with eyes full of love and pride. It was then she could no longer hold back her tears.

**********************************************************************

“Micah,” Chloe sighed, shifting a sleeping Clara in her arms, “is this really necessary? Can’t it wait until Monday morning?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie, I hate to do this on your birthday, but if I don’t get those cupcakes into the refrigerator, they’ll go stale.”

Chloe regarded him with a quizzical expression as he unlocked the event center door. A smile was flirting with the corners of his mouth. What was he up to?

He grinned wider at her as he flung the double doors wide to reveal a room packed with people shouting “surprise!” Chloe startled, and so did little Clara, who started to fuss. Micah took the baby from her arms as she took in the people filling the place. All of Community Fellowship seemed to be there, as well as her co-workers from Dr. Carter’s office, Adam Murray, and even Ally and Pete from the diner. Chloe bit her lower lip, overwhelmed at the community that surrounded her. Hannah bounced up to her with a cupcake on a plate. It was decorated not only with a birthday candle, but with a small spun sugar bird’s nest with a tiny chocolate heart resting inside.

“The Wren?” Chloe asked her husband.

He winked at her, “Of course!”

“Make a wish!” shouted Kate from the corner where she held little Noah in her arms. Soon, a chorus of voices were demanding the same thing.

Chloe looked around the room at all of these people who loved her, her gaze finally settling on her husband and three children who were standing close by, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’ll blow out the candle,” she finally said, “but I don’t need to make a wish. I already have everything I could ever want.”

With a prayer of thanks on her lips, Chloe leaned over and blew out her birthday candle.

[aresmarked]

I wonder if Silence could ever figure out Saria holds actual genuine esteem and care for her, Independent of forgiving her. Like given her self-depracative tendencies the opposite is way more likely, but I'm kinda obsessed with the gas tank detonation of their current dynamic being hit with 'yeah no Saria's been mooning over you these whole 3+ years Silence.'

...I apologise ahead of time if this turns into 'unedited essay' ahead of time because I'm going to stream of consciousness this.

In the Rhine manhua, there's A Lot going on that frankly, you could write multiple analytical essays on, but for this the most relevant is probably the theme of perception, both of the self and others, and how that affects one's relationships. For example, how Ifrit perceives Saria and Silence still as the people who will protect her pushes the narrative of her being the factor that reconciles them, even if only in stages, currently.

With regards to Saria and Silence... in my opinion, Silence understanding and believing in Saria's regard for her? At the very least openness on the truths Saria is still keeping to herself would be needed, and the conditions for that.... Consider how Parvis talks to Silence here:

Here we see how Parvis perceives Silence, a researcher still growing, hard-working... and 'blinkered' by things like, oh, caring about the suffering Ifrit and others experience now, for the sake of scientific progress.

This is the doubt that besets Silence now. How far does Saria's care for her and Ifrit (honestly, mainly Ifrit) go? What does Saria see her as? Silence knows, from the referenced chapter, how Parvis and Control see her and Ifrit... and she has very little reason to think Saria thinks that differently. After all, while Saria stated there were powerful people to be wary of, when warning Silence she couldn't speak of what happened, she never made it explicit it was Control. Had Saria at any point expressed anything about the divide between her and Kirsten... I think it's safe to say the relationship outcomes would be very different.

Saria, in trying to keep Silence and Ifrit safe, damns herself in Silence's eyes because how she acts makes Silence fear that Saria condones/approves Control and Parvis' actions. Proper recognition's also hindered by how Saria tends not to be highly expressive with her care—or in other words, how difficult it can be for people to perceive her caring. She carries devotion, deep and true, but it's not loud, for it's in every step of hers... and it's easy to glance over what is always present.

Saria also never divorces herself from Kirsten's actions, and Rhine's as a whole. Because she perceives those failings to be hers, or at least to have her hand on them, because she swore to protect and watch over Rhine, and she still claims it as her own. Consider how she tells the Tin Man she will handle the situation at Rhine, rather than 'ask' the Maylander Foundation to do it. She wants Rhine to be better, to do what she can to guide it back on the correct path, because she refuses to wash her hands of what has been done in its name—because if she did, she would lose the chances she had to restore it.

All that said! I discussed this with @thecatwriter once, but in the manhua's last chapter (non-epilogue stuff), Silence chooses to come to Saria, to express her determination. And to give her half a candy but if I think too long on how that gesture has carried forward I won't be semi-focused anymore so, re-centring: her choosing to come to Saria shows she still cares about Saria's perception. Which may be strange to call a relief, given she said she still couldn't forgive Saria, Control, and Rhine, but as they say, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

Saria expressing her belief in her, that she can be the one to help Joyce and Ifrit and the other Infected of Terra, does matter to Silence. So in a sense the belief in Saria is there, but only to a point. It will take time and a few important reveals for Silence to see all that Saria has done to try and keep all she cares about safe/salvageable... but I do think when that happens, I think that yes, Silence would properly appreciate everything Saria's done... even the things that Saria undervalues, or dismisses as just, what had to be done.

[jananakookie]

Beauty | kth - Chapter 14 (m)

Pairing: Taehyung x OC (Reader) , slight Jimin x OC

Genre/Tags: Strangers to Lovers, Idiots to lovers (kinda), single dad; humor (-ish?), slow burn, angst, fluff, smut

Chapter Warnings: mild sexual content (lazy, cuddly morning sex), protected sex, one or two swear words

Word count: 6.8k

Series summary: Taehyung knows what beauty is. He sees it every day.

You feel like you haven’t seen real beauty in a while but you think you remember what it looked like.

Or maybe you both have no idea?

Previous Chapter / Chapter List / Next Chapter

A/N: according to my calculations, only two more chapters and an epilogue will follow this one and then we‘re done 🥲

Chapter 14 (m)

With his deep and rhythmic puffs of breaths in your ear, his hand caresses your body. He lets his fingers slide tenderly over the skin of your exposed thigh, runs them over your hips and sides, up to your shoulder, and finally down your arm until he comes to a halt at your breasts.

Gently running his thumb over the curve of your perfect, naked breasts, he lets it slide back down to your stomach, where he then rests his flat hand against your tummy, pushing you a little closer into him.

You sigh, sinking more into your pillow, enjoying his hands on you. His delicate touch, his breathy moans inside your ear, mixing with your own with every slow and tender thrust of his hips against your backside, letting his thick member push through your walls in the most perfect way.

His movements are slow and soft, different from last night, and more intimate than your first time together. And it is probably the most pleasure he has ever given you.

Not that those past times were any less satisfying or perfect, but you just feel so close to him right now, so cherished, so different from everything you ever felt.

Not a single word has been said yet. Everything simply has been confirmed through warm and tender touches, playful kisses, and soft moans.

One of your arms reaches behind you and wraps around the back of his neck, grabbing the roots of his hair and tugging on them as he lightly sucks on the skin behind your ear. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but just enough to turn you on even more and make a pleasurable moan escape your lips.

You have your eyes closed, solely enjoying how he makes you feel, loving the position you're both in, even if it hinders you from looking into his beautiful face, and watching it contort in pleasure from the way your walls clench around him with every thrust of his hard and thick member.

You can feel his muscled chest press tightly against your back, tensing every now and then whenever he draws back, only to push back in after. And even if you cannot see him, you can still hear how much he enjoys it as well, his raspy moans and the short gasps every once in a while being a clear giveaway.

How he can have any energy at all after last night is beyond you. And yet this morning, after far too few hours of sleep, you were awakened with his certain type of kisses. The ones that usually indicate that he is not in a cuddly mood but wants to do something else.

As usual, they started as innocent little pecks on your neck and shoulder but very quickly became more targeted and soon colonized your neck instead. Right on that particular spot that makes you crazy.

It really is incredible how fast he came to know your body. No more than two nights together, and he already knows all the spots to make you swoon immediately. And well, everything about him makes you crazy, but he doesn’t need to know that. That would be an ego-boost he wouldn’t let you forget so easily.

His grip on your waist tightens, and you know that he’s getting closer. But to your surprise, he suddenly pulls out altogether and lets his cock sensually glide between your soaked folds, giving you all the more pleasure and letting your whole body shake whenever his tip reaches your clit. Trying to increase the pleasure even more, you grind your ass against him, making him moan softly into your ear.

You turn your head a little to the side and quickly capture his lips in a much-needed and anticipated kiss, letting it swallow your moans.

You have enjoyed every single intimate moment with him so far, but you have to admit that slow, lazy morning sex definitely holds the crown for now (especially when it takes place after a night of mindless fucking).

“Mhh, Tae,” you sigh out his name, instantly feeling him twitch against your wetness. Not long after, he grabs your leg and hooks it over his own to give himself better access to your aching front.

You feel him push past your folds again, entering you slowly. And once again, he’s back to kissing you gently while he steadily thrust in and out of your pussy.

His hand cups your lower region as his fingers start to rub your clit, matching the rhythm of his thrusts while he nips at your earlobe, nestling his face in your hair. You noticed before how he likes to be as close to you as possible when he’s about to come, probably wanting to feel all of you as best as he can, and it excites you.

“Coming,” you whisper, wanting to inform him just in case he still needs time.

But you hear him groan instead, “fucking finally, I can’t hold it anymore.“ His voice sounds even deeper than usual and a little rugged from the lack of sleep, but it makes him all the sexier.

A breathless laugh escapes you, but it quickly falls silent when Taehyung picks up his pace. It’s not by much, but it’s enough to take your breath away as you just lay there, gasping for air with your mouth falling open at the sensation.

His breaths grow hotter and heavier as time goes by, and you can only assume yours do as well as you’re approaching your high now quickly. Feeling him pulse inside you brings you even closer, and it only takes a few more strokes with his dick against your g-spot until you’re coming undone right there in his tight hold, feeling your whole body shake from the intensity of your high.

Taehyung follows right after, releasing a low, dragged-out grunt against the back of your neck, with one of his hands groping your tits tightly while the other has a tight hold on your thigh.

You both take a couple of moments to calm yourselves, heavy breathing being the only sound that fills the small room.

“… And now that this has been made clear, have a wonderful morning, beautiful,” he rasps into your ear, kissing the spot right behind it where he knows you love to be kissed.

He just takes a moment to dispose of the condom before he slowly kisses a trail down to your jaw, where he lightly bites into the soft flesh there, making you giggle.

“And a wonderful morning it is,” you mumble with a smirk, craning your neck a little to give him a quick kiss. “Better not spoil me too much. I might get used to it.”

“I could say the same to you,” he roughly chuckles, ”definitely wouldn’t have a problem with waking up like this every morning, though.” He still has his lips on you, covering every little spot of your skin with his sweet sweet kisses you love so much.

You finally turn around to look at him, and you’re pleased to see a look of pure bliss in his tired eyes. His hair is standing out in all directions which, no doubt, is partly your fault, and he looks so adorable you feel the need to squish his cheeks.

And to think that this is the exact same man that provided you with orgasm after orgasm in the span of only a couple of hours... oof.

The way he looks at you is one of pure adoration, if you may say so. And it almost makes your heart burst inside your chest.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask, suddenly feeling shy as you turn your gaze away from his, and stare at his chest where your hand is drawing patterns on his smooth skin, fingers playing with the small trail of hair splattered on it.

“Because I enjoy looking at you.” He grins, placing his own fingers in-between yours. “You surely are quite the sight.”

You cannot help but scoff and roll your eyes at his cheesy statement. “If you’re hoping for another round, I’ll have to disappoint you. I’m completely exhausted,” you say, rubbing your sleepy eyes before they find him again.

He’s still smiling down at you, kissing the crown of your head tenderly. “Nah, I think I’m good… for the next couple of hours at least,“ he smirks.

You smack his chest lightly before you cuddle further against him, feeling incredibly tired again. Well, no wonder.

“What do you want to do today?“ You hear him murmur against your hair before you feel the tip of his nose explore the expanse of your neck. It doesn’t come off as sexual this time around. He’s obviously just really in a cuddly mood as well.

You don’t have to think about his question at all, already having one thing in the back of your mind since yesterday morning. “Honestly?” You turn your head a little to look into his awaiting eyes as he nods slightly. “I really really miss my little girl,” you tell him, “can we please just go to yours and spend the day with her? Cook one of our favorite meals and watch a movie or something?”

Taehyung is sure you don’t have the slightest clue of what your words mean to him, but as soon as he hears you say that, a whole new wave of realization hits him. A realization, that will surely keep his mind occupied for a little while.

Instead of giving you an answer that consists of words, he leans down and captures your lips in a passionate kiss that leaves you absolutely breathless as soon as he breaks it again after a couple of minutes. And then he just stares at you with an unreadable expression on his face that starts to make you uncomfortable after a while.

“Did I say something wrong?” You ask him, voice coming out in a breathless whisper. He doesn’t look angry, and you’re sure he wouldn’t have kissed you like that if he was, but the drastic mood change, going from giggly and cheeky to quiet and thoughtful, cannot be a coincidence, can it?

You watch his face break out in a smile as he shakes his head, his hair brushing over your face in the process and tickling you. “I just realized something. That’s all,” he then says quietly, not elaborating whatsoever.

You break out in a chuckle, placing a quick peck on his lips as you do. “Realized what? That you still have a daughter?” You laugh, “well, I’m glad I could be of help.”

Taehyung bites his lip, grinning down at your happy state with a content smile on his face. “Yea,” he breathes against your lips, cheekily stealing another kiss from you, “you really are.” His voice suddenly holds a fondness you have never heard from him before.

Clearing your throat, you try to distract yourself from his intense stare by simply playing with the tiny strands of hair falling in his face. “I’m actually quite surprised you’re so chill about Jungkook watching her for so long.”

Taehyung purses his lips, thinking for a moment. “To be fair, they are not allowed to leave the house until I’m back,” he confesses, making you laugh. “I’m slowly building my trust back up. It doesn’t just happen overnight, okay?” He grabs your hand and places soft little pecks on your knuckles. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, by the way,“ he suddenly confesses.

You glimpse at him while trying not to look too nervous, but when did those words ever bring anything good with them?

“Okay? Is everything alright?“ You nervously chuckle, intertwining your fingers with his as you look at him expectantly.

He smiles, nodding his head approvingly, which calms you down just a little.

“Last night, I promised you I'd be more open with you and talk about my feelings, right?” He sheepishly looks into your eyes and waits for you to nod your head before he continues. “Okay, well… there is something I wanna ask of you before we go over to my place.”

“Tae, stop beating around the bush, please,” you say, trying to rest your weight on your arms in order to hoist yourself up a little and look at him better, “you’re making me nervous.”

“Right, sorry. You don't have to be on edge, it's nothing bad, I promise. It's just... well, it has to do with Hyejin,” he starts. You watch his hand nervously fumble with your sheets as he tries to form his words. “I know you are quite… apprehensive when it comes to telling her, you know... about us.”

You sigh, thinking you have an idea of what this is about. “I hurt your feelings last time,” you state, remembering the night you slept over at his. “I noticed.” You intently watch his expression change as he seems to think about the way you behaved that night.

“Yea, I mean… I know why you think that way. I get it. I’m honestly so happy you care so much about Hyejin. And I’m glad you’re concerned about what could be best for her,” he sighs, concentrating his gaze on his hands that are still groping the sheets. “In a way, you and me... we only just started, and she’s only five and obviously already incredibly attached to you. There’s always a slight chance that things won't turn out the way we want them to, and it would complicate things, but—” he halts for a moment, shaking his head before he turns more towards you again and looks you deeply in the eyes.

"I just don't want to get into this," he points between himself and you to show you that he's talking about your relationship, "with the thought that it might not last anyway." He finally confesses, watching your expression intently, almost as if he’s trying to read your mind.

You start biting on your inner cheek, pursing your lips at the movement as you think about his words.

“Not telling Hyejin about us because we’re afraid of hurting her feels like we don't really have trust in this relationship. And honestly, that really hurts me,” he admits, making your heart clench in your chest at his words.

It has never been your intention to hurt him but hearing what your words made him feel like really hurts you as well.

You only meant well, yes, but you were only thinking about Hyejin without even taking his own feelings about all of that into consideration. You should have thought about what your words might mean to him. And he’s right. When you say it like he just did, one could assume that you don't expect your relationship to last.

“I can only speak for myself, but I really like you, and if you ask me, I’m sure this can actually work. At least, I genuinely want it to. And I am more than willing to make it work,” his voice suddenly appears again, pulling you out of your thoughts. “So, how do you feel about all this?” He sounds a little nervous, waiting for your answer. And it’s honestly so endearing to see him like this. This boy’s diversity really is no joke. That much is clear.

Instead of giving him an answer right away, you lean a little forward and place a soft but solid kiss on his lips. It’s over as soon as it has started, and you enjoy watching the little smile form on his lips while his eyes are still closed.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel like I might not be as much into this as you are, but I promise you that’s not true,” you finally reply. “I was just overwhelmed because everything was suddenly happening, and we hadn’t talked about anything yet. I was worried for her. I always am, to be honest. Yes, I think it’s a little risky with Hyejin and everything, but I absolutely agree with you. We definitely shouldn’t go about this with the mindset of not lasting anyway.” You feel his hand cupping your jaw as you smile up at him. “If you’re fine with telling her, I’m more than happy to do it as well.”

Taehyung grins brightly, nodding his head before he leans down and kisses you once again. “I’m so relieved we’re on the same page, ___. I was struggling to think of a way to tell you.”

“I’m proud of us, actually. Something was bothering you, and we talked about it and figured it out. See? We are making progress already.“ You say, holding your hand up for a high five, hearing how he laughs at that but complies anyway.

You both spend a couple more minutes just cuddling in bed before you decide to get ready, wanting to go home and see Hyejin.

It took some convincing, but after a long discussion, you did manage to convince Taehyung and make him understand that it will be faster and... well, more effective to shower individually instead of together. After all, you want to get cleaned up, not get even dirtier.

It left him to be a little moody, but in the end, he complied.

The moment Taehyung turns his keys inside the lock and opens the door, you’re both met with complete silence. You look at each other, wearing the same expression on your faces as you slowly walk inside the apartment and take a look around.

“Doesn’t sound, nor look like anybody’s here,” you note, seeing Taehyung already grit his teeth as he has to admit that you're probably right.

“It’s settled then,“ he then mutters under his breath, “I’m going to kill him.”

You grin, shaking your head at his typical overreacting self while you take off your jacket and hang it on the wardrobe.

“I’m sure everything is fine. Did he text you or anything?” You ask, checking your own phone, but aren’t surprised when you don’t see any new notifications from Jungkook.

Taehyung shakes his head, sighing loudly. “I explicitly told him not to leave the house, and he promised—”

“Why don’t we just calm down a little and wait until they come home, huh?” you suggest. Placing both your hands on Taehyung's shoulders and taking off his jacket for him in the process, noticing how he seems too occupied with angry-texting to get comfortable.

“How can you be so calm?” He asks you, still furiously tapping away on his phone. “The last time he went out with her in tow, he lost her.”

“Tae, you need to have a little faith in him. He’s not a child. He took care of her for years before that incident happened. I’m sure he can manage just fine.” Honestly, you aren’t that bothered because you really do trust Jungkook, and Taehyung should too. What happened back then was an accident that won’t repeat itself.

He sighs deeply after obviously not getting a reply straight away and places his phone on the table.

“How about I cook us something, and when I’m done, they’re hopefully back and haven’t eaten yet?” You offer him your best smile, trying to cheer him up a little, but the only thing you can tickle out of him is a little half-smile and a quick nod as he only glances at you.

You turn around and go to the kitchen thinking about what you could make that would please everybody and is possible to make with the available ingredients — which once again, aren’t many.

It kind of reminds you of the first time you came over to look after Hyejin and cooked for everybody that evening because Taehyung came home later than he intended to. It brings a smile to your face thinking back to those days.

Who would have thought that these four people would enrich your life so much one day?

After you search around cluelessly for a few minutes, you finally settle on simple pasta since that seems to be almost everything there is.

Right when you’re about to start cooking, the sound of the door being unlocked, as well as voices, fills your ear. Doesn’t take a genius to guess who came home, but you’d know anyway since you can already hear Taehyung’s deep voice scolding Jungkook. With a roll of your eyes and a smile on your lips, you decide to join the scene.

The voices suddenly turn into hushed whispers, and when you reach them, you see that Hyejin seems to have fallen asleep in Jungkook’s arms as he holds her tight with her little legs wrapped around his torso and her head resting on his shoulder.

He wears a scowl on his face, but it quickly vanishes as soon as he sees you standing there with a content smile, and it looks like he’s about to yell something before he’s reminded of the sleeping girl in his arms and ends up swallowing whatever it was that he wanted to say.

He gives you a quick sign that’s probably supposed to tell you to wait before he quietly walks along the floor and upstairs, probably to bring Hyejin to her room so she can sleep a little more.

You share a look with Taehyung, who still looks annoyed and rolls his eyes. “Why can’t this boy follow my simple instructions?”

You don’t get the chance to answer when loud and fast footsteps appear right behind you. And before you can realize what's going on, it feels like you're being embraced in the tight hug of a hyperactive kangaroo.

“Ouch, Kook, you’re breaking my spine,” you groan loudly at the impact but can’t really hide your laugh as you slung your arms around him as well.

“I don’t care, I have so much love to give to you!” His voice gets muffled by your hair, and you fall into a fit of laughter when he picks you up for a quick second. Even Taehyung loses his serious expression for a short while as he watches the two of you.

“Why on earth are you acting like I was gone for two years?” You giggle after he finally lets you go again and beams down at you.

“Because I was sure we would never see you again around here. You can’t believe how relieved I am.” He confesses and ruffles your hair.

“Wait, but yesterday you said I was overreacting and that she would never just leave like that.” Taehyung suddenly buts in, coming to stand beside you as he looks at Jungkook.

The younger one chuckles a little awkwardly, eyes flickering from Taehyung to you. “I was trying to be a good friend and cheer you up,” he shrugs, grinning.

A loud gasp can be heard from next to you as Taehyung smacks his best friend's chest. “You didn’t actually believe in me?!”

“I did! I just didn’t have as much faith in you as I made out to have.” Jungkook tries to defend himself, earning yet another blow from Taehyung, which only makes him laugh cutely. “Why are you mad? Everything turned out well, didn’t it?”

Once again, his eyes scan you and Taehyung, the latter wrapping his arm around your waist to bring you closer as he looks at you. “Yep,” he says, kissing the top of your head, “everything turned out quite perfect,” he confirms while you smile up at him, matching the expression on his face.

“Yes! I’m such a good wingman, oh my god!” Jungkook cheers, raising his fist into the air.

Taehyung scoffs loudly, “you didn’t even do anything.”

“Excuse me?!” Jungkook’s former enthusiasm suddenly changes into an annoyed expression as he glares at his best friend.

“I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place. Not to mention that I was the one who kept telling you for months to make a move—” you watch with an amused smirk on your lips while Taehyung nervously looks at you from the corner of his eyes, “and I was the one who watched your daughter the whole day yesterday including last night, while you two probably did the dirty over and over again while you were “making up”. Am I right, or am I right?“ Crossing his arms, he gives you both a knowing look.

“Uh… we did not… we didn't do that.“ You stutter, scratching your arm awkwardly as you try to look anywhere but him. “We—we… talked. A lot.”

“You cannot fool me, ___,” Jungkook states, sporting a smirk on his face before he points at Taehyung, “that little fuckers smug-looking grin tells me everything I need to know.”

Turning your head to the side, you immediately see what he’s getting at. Even if Taehyung obviously tries to hide it, he is remarkably failing at it.

“W—what we did and didn’t do, is none of your business, okay?” Your voice comes out almost pathetically high. And it results in not only Jungkook’s but also Taehyung’s laughs.

“Okay, don’t deflect from our earlier topic now, Kook,” Taehyung suddenly says, subconsciously saving you from your own awkwardness. “I have expressly forbidden you to leave the house with Hyejin. Where were you and why?”

“Calm down. I brought Hyejin home without any difficulties, did I not? You need to learn how to not stress over everything,” Jungkook says, sounding annoyed already.

“The point is that you didn’t listen to me—”

“Look, I really didn’t want to disobey you, alright? I got a call pretty early this morning from my boss telling me I had to take over for a little more than an hour because my colleague got sick. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t possibly leave her here alone, nor could I lose my job because that would make you mad as well,” he explains. “So I took her with me,“ he shrugs, big Bambi eyes staring at his Hyung.

You purse your lips, looking confused from Jungkook to Taehyung, who looks absolutely baffled.

“Wait—“ you gape at him, trying to sort out all of the information he just disclosed for you. “You—you took her… with… you?“

“Yes,“ Jungkook shrugs, obviously not seeing anything wrong. “I tried calling Joon, but he didn’t pick up, so I had no other choice.“

You once again divert your gaze to Taehyung, but he still doesn’t look at you. Instead, he looks like he’s about to faint or something.

“Just to get the facts straight,“ he clears his throat, “you took my daughter, who’s only five years old… to a bar?“

Unlike Jungkook, you can literally feel his irritation, even if it isn't otherwise apparent yet.

“I mean… yes.“ Jungkook shrugs again. “I didn’t give her any alcohol if that’s what you’re worried about,“ he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I took her behind the counter, right next to me, where I had an eye on her the whole time. I’m not an idiot.“

Taehyung licks his lips, taking in a deep breath before he kicks his head back and stares at the ceiling for a while. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom,“ he then sighs, sounding absolutely done.

Jungkook and you both look after him until he’s out of sight, not saying a word.

You're the first to break the silence, biting your lip as you look at Jungkook. “I think you really did it this time, Kook,” you say, trying to hide a smile as he looks at you absolutely dumbfounded. “You actually made him go cry in the bathroom.“ Your last words blend in with a laugh you just couldn't hold back any longer as you pat Jungkook’s chest lightly before going back into the kitchen to finish the pasta you started cooking earlier.

You can still hear him muster quietly to himself, “what did I do wrong this time?” leaving you silently laughing to yourself.

After trying to calm down for a while, Taehyung finally comes out of the bathroom and immediately catches yours and Jungkook’s voices as you seem to laugh about something he just told you. He can’t help but smile upon hearing your laughter, but he decides to not join the two of you just yet because there’s a slight urge growing inside him to look after his little angel.

The door to Hyejin’s room is slightly ajar, and he can already hear her little snores as he gets closer to her room. He calmly walks inside, seeing her fast asleep. It's still relatively early, and Taehyung is worried that she'll probably be up all night if she sleeps too long, but at the same time, he cannot bring himself to wake her either.

She just looks way too peaceful and cute for him to ruin it right now, so he simply takes a seat at the edge of her bed and brushes a strand of hair from her face with a loving smile on his face.

Unfortunately, her eyes start to flutter open right after withdrawing his hand. She looks around for a couple of seconds, and Taehyung inwardly curses at himself for waking her up. But her eyes then fall on him, and a bright smile starts growing on her lips.

“Daddy, you’re home!“ She croaks with her voice still raspy from her slumber. She starts to sit up and rubs the sleep from her eyes before she crawls over to him and wraps her little arms around his neck.

“Here I am, darling,“ with a low chuckle, he rubs her back a few times until she unwraps herself from him again and giggles as a result of him sneakily tickling her sides, where he knows she’s the most ticklish.

“Uncle Jungkook said you were with ___, is that true?” She then asks with the most innocent glint in her eyes.

Taehyung bites back a smile as he looks at her big, awaiting stares, seeing how she obviously wishes for one specific answer. “Yes, we had to talk about something.”

“About what?” She asks, tilting her head to the side.

With a chuckle, Taehyung pokes her belly and makes her giggle once again, “adult stuff you’re too small to understand, young, noisy lady.”

Still giggling, Hyejin tries to fight her Daddy’s hand to make him stop tickling her, which she eventually manages. But her little laughter suddenly dies down again, and her expression turns more serious as she’s obviously about to ask him something else.

“Daddy?” She murmurs, fiddling with her little hands while she doesn’t dare to look at her father.

Taehyung hums, quietly waiting for her to ask the question that’s so obviously burning on her tongue already.

“Is ___ your girlfriend?” Her question comes out in a barely-audible whisper, and Taehyung would’ve missed it if he hadn't already expected it.

He smiles at her, admiring the way her cheeks have gained color after she just asked him that specific question.

“I saw you kiss her, and you bought her flowers… and since none of you wanted to tell me anything, I asked Jihoon about it, and he said that it means she is your girlfriend.”

Taehyung cannot help but roll his eyes while still sporting that grin on his lips, “Jihoon really is Mr. know-it-all, isn’t he?” He watches how Hyejin nods her head in agreement and nervously starts to nibble on her lip.

“But Daddy,” she whines, getting impatient with his lack of answer, “was he right? Is ___ your girlfriend?”

“Hmm,” Taehyung purses his lips, acting as if he has to think, “would you like her to be my girlfriend?” he watches with a teasing smile how she once again nods her head immediately while hugging her knees. “Then I guess it is a good thing I asked her yesterday if she wants to be my girlfriend.”

Hyejin gasps loudly, eyes almost bulging out of her head in excitement while she looks at her Dad with anticipation. “And what did she say, Daddy?! Did she say yes?!”

Taehyung laughs, ruffling her hair a little, “she said that it would be an honor for her to be my girlfriend and that she never wanted anything more inner life—“

“Didn’t exactly happen like that, but if it helps you sleep better at night, then sure.“ A third voice, that undoubtedly belongs to none other than you, interrupts him.

You’re leaning against Hyejin’s door frame, wearing a loving smile on your lips as you look at the two.

Originally, you just wanted to check where Taehyung was and if Hyejin was already awake to call her for dinner. But by the time you reached the top of the stairs, their voices were already coming towards you. Shortly after, you noticed that they were talking about you. And being your curious self, you decided to check it out, resulting in the current situation.

Smirking at Taehyung, you’re just about to scold him for over-exaggerating again in front of Hyejin when the little Mochi already comes running towards you, calling your name in absolute joy.

She looks up at you with bright, glistening eyes while hugging your legs as if her life depended on it. “___, Daddy is your boyfriend!” She screeches while jumping up and down in excitement.

You laugh, trying to hug her back as best as you can, but the position you’re currently in isn’t really ideal. “Let’s see if he behaves, and then we’ll talk again,” you joke, seeing how Taehyung locks his mouth shut with an imaginary key and throws it somewhere behind him.

It makes Hyejin giggle, and you as well, amused by his silliness.

“I can't believe the birthday-fairy really granted me my wish!” She beams, looking between you and Taehyung.

“The birthday-fairy?” You ask, seeing Taehyung peek at you sheepishly. Never before have you heard anything about a particular “birthday-fairy” but to be honest, after the baby-making story, nothing can surprise you anymore.

“Ah, you know, last year Hyejin really wanted the Barbie camper, but she didn't get it on her birthday.” Taehyung starts to explain right before Hyejin takes over.

“And then uncle Joon told me about how everybody has a wish on their birthday when they blow out the candles on their cake. And then the birthday-fairy will hear about it and maybe even make the wish come true,” she says.

“Believe it or not, the next day, uncle Joon actually came around with the Barbie camper!” Taehyung feigns excitement, letting you see how much he actually did not approve of it.

“The silly fairy accidentally took it to his house instead of ours,” Hyejin giggles.

You bite your lip, trying to hide a giggle as you watch the little angel be so excited about a non-existent fairy.

“What did you wish for this year? I totally forgot to ask,” Taehyung's voice brings her attention back to him.

“I wished for ___ to be your girlfriend,” she simply smiles. “And she made my wish come true.”

You only gape at her, feeling your heart clench at her words. Taehyung seems to have a similar reaction, seeing how he doesn't say anything as well for a short while.

“Baby, you wasted your only wish on that?” You breathe, stroking her hair delicately while you try to keep it together and not start to cry with how much love you have for her.

“It wasn't a waste,” she furiously shakes her head, ”it came true!”

Biting your lip, you look at Taehyung, seeing how he's already looking at you as well, winking when his gaze meets yours.

“This means, Daddy, you, me, uncle Jungkook, and uncle Joon can finally be a real family!“ Hyejin then says, once again squealing in excitement as she looks between you and Taehyung, who’s about to come closer to you as well.

“We were a real family before, too, Hyejin,” Taehyung chuckles, thankfully not taking her words to heart. “And even before ___ joined us, we were a real family,” he informs her, stroking her hair lovingly.

You nod in agreement, stroking her chubby cheek that has gained color since she started her conversation with her Dad. “He’s right, baby. Families come in different shapes and forms. That’s what I tried to tell you before. There’s no right or wrong.”

You don’t necessarily expect her to understand the meaning of what you told her just yet, but in a way, you feel like Taehyung should hear it as well.

You remember how in the past, he always seemed to struggle with the thought that Hyejin might be missing something. However, that’s far from the truth. You are sure that she has never really lacked anything and never will. She has far too many people in her life who care about her for that to ever happen.

“Alright, go into the kitchen, honey. Jungkook is waiting for us. He says he’s about to die from starvation any minute.” Ruffling her hair and making her giggle, you usher her out of her room so you can finally eat, but just when you’re about to follow her, you feel Taehyung holding you back.

Holding your arm, he suddenly turns you around, and you’re instantly met with a bright smile on his lips.

“What is it?” You chuckle, slinging your arms around his shoulder right when his own are going around your waist.

“That went more than well, didn’t it?” He grins, already leaning forward.

“Did you expect that it would not go smoothly?” You raise a brow in question and watch how he shakes his head instead.

“No, I knew it would. It’s just… just thank you.” He places a kiss on your lips, but it only lasts as a peck because you gently push him back with one hand on his chest, looking at him questionably.

“What are you thanking me for?”

“Just for agreeing to tell her right away. That really means a lot to me, and I know it does to her as well. She already had a hunch anyway. Apparently, Jihoon is an expert when it comes to relationships,” he rolls his eyes while talking about his daughter’s best male friend. And you cannot help but laugh at that, seeing how easily annoyed he gets when it comes to the little boy. Talk about overprotective…

“First of all, you don't have to thank me for that. We discussed this together, and both felt it would make the most sense. Not to forget that it was definitely the right decision. And secondly,” you quickly lean up to kiss his pouty lips, “what did I tell you regarding Jihoon?”

With a playful frown on your face, you give Taehyung a testing look, which makes him let out a big, defeated sigh. “I will still keep an eye on him. You can’t stop me from doing that.”

“Hey, if that’s what really makes you happy, I’m not going to stand in your way.”

“You are what really makes me happy.” He breathes against your lips, already smirking because he knows your reaction to it before you even have the chance to react.

“Eww,” just as expected, you contort your face before you start laughing, and Taehyung joins in almost immediately.

“Don’t act as if you don’t like it when I’m being a giant cheese ball,” he says before sealing your lips with his.

The both of you kiss for a while until Taehyung suddenly breaks your kiss. Cocking a brow to ask him what’s up, you see how he abruptly frowns. “He took her to a bar, ___. I—”

You immediately fall into a fit of laughter as soon as those words leave his lips, feeling Taehyung bury his face in your neck with a deep groan as to try and flee from reality.

“He didn’t even know what he did wrong. He kept asking me about it after you went to the bathroom.” Even if you cannot see his face right now, you can feel him also letting out a couple of laughs because of the movements of his chest against yours.

“And you’re sure this is the life you want to live?” He nervously asks, lifting his head to look at you again.

“Wouldn’t wanna live another,” you nod, offering him your biggest smile.

Satisfied with your answer, Taehyung leans forward once more. But unfortunately, you don't get any further before Jungkook's voice can be heard from downstairs, impatiently demanding that you both finally come down to eat.

Sighing in disappointment, you already move away from him, but he's quick to place a last kiss onto your lips, savoring the moment the best he can. And when he pulls back again, he simply offers you a wink before he takes your hand and leads you down the stairs to the two waiting children.

tag list: @nandananda | @blackswan18 | @travelleratheart101 | @likeshatteredrainbowglass | @lilianm3 | @jenotation | @so-da-1 | @soeur-de-ame | @theclawofaraven | @ppeachyttae | @taeandpuppies | @namecannotbblank

[80s4life]

The Things I’ve Never Done Pt.7

Word Count: 1,195

Status: Suggested!

@: @outrosins & numerous lovely anons!

A/N:Sorry this took so long! I missed you guys so much, but life is just too much sometimes!!!

Fandom: Titanic 1997

Relationship: Caledon "Cal" Hockley x Brown!Female!Reader

Summary: Memories are hit and miss; you either enjoy the feeling or you a deep regret, sadness, nostalgia, etc. As Y/N reaches the end of the adventure of her life, these very memories are the ones that hinder her from moving on, from truly accepting the damage she survived. She needed to take the good with the bad or nothing at all.

Warnings: Mentions of sexual activity, slight angst, forbidden love, leading up to disaster, switching periods (before/after)

Masterlist Titanic Masterlist Part One Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4* Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.8 Pt.9 Pt.10 [epilogue]

Taglist: @tangledcopperstrands @snapessecretdiary

{gif is not mine, credits go to @yourartmatters-itswhatgotmehere​}

Reciprocating instantly, he buries her head in his chest in greed, the other arm grasping her waist tightly. His façade falls instantly, crumpling to the floor as he feels he’s finally found what he was looking for: a woman to have and to hold without the worry of money being the only link. The feeling was almost euphoric and too much for Cal, a series of tears streaming and pouring into Y/N’s hair.

She giggles, looking up at Cal. Readjusting their bodies on the floor, Y/N drapes her legs over Cal’s, wrapping them around his back in a criss-cross fashion. Then, with her body facing his, she grabs his face soothingly, wiping away his tears with care. Smiling, Y/N leans in to peck Cal’s lips, earning her a smile.

“I may leave this ship with you, but you have to swear no doubt in my loyalty. Do you understand, Cal?”

“Yes…” Cal responds in remorse, pecking Y/N’s lips for reassurance.

“Oh! And I want a pretty ring! You can’t have me running around America a free woman, now can you?” Y/N giggles, just imagining the endless possibilities as Cal leans his head into her collarbone. “No more yelling either.”

“I could work with that,” he responds, voice muffled, “That’ll do just fine.”

To be continued...

Chapter 7: Watch the Dream Fade Away

<3rd Person Perspective>

Even after all this time, after so many years, Y/N still distinctly remembers the smallest details of that majestic piece of machinery; the beautiful lie that had sent so many people to the bottom of the North Atlantic Ocean and left families distraught. But not only was it the RMS Titanic, it was that very room that she spent many memorable moments in: her first time, her first fight, and her first confession of love.

She distinctly remembers the space in the room, where the back wall was lined with wide windows that enveloped the room with the warm glow of the mesmerizing sun. She remembers the glow that enhanced Cal’s features, how at peace he truly felt - how comfortable he was. She remembers the sheer curtains that allowed privacy, and even the huge clock atop the mantle of one out of the three fireplaces in the expanse of the room. And, when she reminisces of the fun and exciting times she had with the amazing man of her dreams, she remembers the oak doors; how they locked them all in their own childish lust, barricaded them up just to get them all torn back down with guards, escaping with adrenaline coursing their blood in mischief.

But, when she searches for the good times in her rocking chair, the soft smile that caresses her features soon fade in a shady mist, and then she snaps back to reality. She remembers all the bad that threatened to shroud the good; she remembers what happened that frightful early morning.

///

They’d stayed in that embrace well into the early morning hours, but that didn’t matter. They’d made a promise - an oath - to be with each other through thick and thin, but a promise is not always easy to keep. No matter how hard Y/N tried to see the bright side as she laid on her side, Cal’s head cradled in her arms, she knew that actions spoke a thousand words and were truly difficult to follow through with.

She stares off into the distance of the room, slowly brushing his hair out of his face and petting it once she was satisfied. She was comfortable here in her little safe haven, and she quite enjoyed the great memories she’s endured in this very room. The mere thought of her excursions still bring her a tint in the cheeks, but they needed to move soon, or they would be in bigger trouble than the last time they’d stayed.

Lightly placing his head on the soft padding of the crinoline that was placed underneath her dress the night before, Y/N scampers off to collect her clothes again, shimmying into her undergarments, corset and the dress itself, skipping the extra layers. Finishing the ties in the back, Y/N slips into her heeled boots without her socks, knowing that she has the ability to change into new clothes if she leaves now.

Placing herself lightly on her knees, Y/N grabs one of Cal’s hands and brings it to her lips, kissing it while the other lightly scrapes at his scalp lovingly. “Cal...” she whispers quietly, “You have to get up, Sweetheart. We have to get back to our rooms if we don’t want to get caught in here.”

Grumbling lightly, Cal’s eyes open slowly, looking up at the woman. Steadily, his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room and it doesn’t take long for a smile to creep onto his features. 

“Come on Sleepyhead, we gotta get ready for the day,” she nudges him, a bashful smile encompassing her features.

All he does is hums soothingly, then, with a tug of his hand still tucked into hers, he pulls her to lay on his chest, the hand falling to rub soothingly on her back. Sighing, Y/N gives in just this once, hand moving to stroke his jaw. “We do need to go though, Cal.”

“Yeah, but I just want to hold you a little longer, before the world crashes on us and our relationship.”

“You plan on informing them today?”

“I think we owe them the knowledge, and we only have 2 days left on this ship before these people no longer have to be affiliated with us.”

“I’m with you if this is what you feel is right, but I would hold off until maybe a little later. If Rose’s mother is good for anything, it’s for making your life miserable as you listen to her whine.”

“That’s not fair Darling, she was just brought up a certain way.”

“I’ve spoken to Rose, Cal, that woman has dragged her through all the unfaithful things just be in this very spot.”

He hums again, staring at the ceiling. “Your never going to forgive her, are you?” Y/N asks, propping her chin up on his chest.

“I could learn to, I suppose, but it’s not a wound I feel like patching up just as it was cut. I don’t regret what led me here, but I feel remorse for what I lost with burning bridges on bad terms.”

“I understand,” Y/N smirks, laying her head back down. 

Cal strokes her hair for a moment more, basking in the peace, before patting her head with intention. “I think we should get going now,” Cal smirks playfully.

“Oh, now is a good time for you?” Y/N giggles, earning a chuckle from Cal. 

He doesn’t answer her, getting up and dragging his feet to the individual misplacement of clothes. Y/N watches him with admiration and desire, picking up the under layers of her dress from where they slept on the floor. Sighing, they leave the double doors together and go their separate ways, waving with longing eyes as they turn back to the world that was still unaware and unknowing of their new relationship.

...

Y/N had made her bed that morning, something she didn’t do regularly or without being instructed by her mother. She cleaned her room up and left no traces of dirt behind, skipping breakfast altogether to bask in a long bath. Molly had told the women that she was feeling seasick, allowing her daughter the freedom society only allows rarely.

By lunch, Y/N was draped along a lawn chair on the side deck, reading a novel with a glass of tea. After some choice wording, her mother tore away from the wealthy folk too, and snuck away with her daughter for bonding time. She found her on the deck and played games, describing the shapes of the clouds and just embracing random conversations. It wasn’t much, but it meant the world to Y/N every time they did something like this; to just bask in her companionship and bond with her mother.

And, by night, Y/N sat at the table with the rest of the people once more, claiming she’d felt better with a smile and sly glance at her partners in crime: Caledon Hockley and Molly Brown. It was the same banter, the same gossip. It felt like nothing was out of place and no one had seemed to truly admire the normalcy. 

To Be Continued...

[gunsatthaphan]

I think the epilogue scene was also a bit of a callback to Jiwoo’s speech about why he left Seojoon. Seojoon clearly thinks it’s bullshit and I do too, but I think the epilogue scene hinted at it too. His whole speech was about a bunch of minor things and yes in real life minor things can sometimes add up and reach a breaking point but I don’t think that was the case here. The epilogue scene showed Jiwoo upset about a relatively minor but nevertheless annoying thing, showed that Seojoon easily realized something was wrong, showed Jiwoo expressing what was annoying him and then showed him cheering up with Seojoon comforted him and promised to do better. It showed them working through an issue exactly like the ones Jiwoo claims he left over! So I’m interested to see what the real reason is lol.

Also I wasn’t sure how I was gonna like the introduction of a kid to the show bc child characters can be super hit or miss for me but this little girl is adorable I had so much fun watching her. I’m also really loving that we get to see Seojoon working, that was a big wish of mine for season 2 and it’s been fun so far lol. I’ve also always kinda loved stories of people breaking up and coming back together so I’m having a blast but I get why others are having a hard time this season is definitely not for the fluff lovers so far haha

100% agreed. that's what I've been thinking the whole time lol. I loved that epilogue scene for a number of different reasons but when jiwoo claims that those are the reasons for why he abruptly ended the relationship - apparently without ever addressing these things to seojoon while they were still together - I don’t believe him one bit. It just sounds like he’s reaching for something. And you’re right when you say that that scene specifically shows them successfully overcoming one of the issues jiwoo claims hinders them from having a functional relationship, so obviously something doesn’t add up. I’ve seen comments from people saying he’s being blackmailed or manipulated by someone and honestly I can see that. Or maybe I’m just in denial. But the whole situation is just too odd to be true lol. 

To be honest I don’t think the child is necessary to the plot so far lmao and the whole “dad” scene had me rolling my eyes lol but let’s see what role she will play moving forward. My main concern right now is the girl they introduced at the end of ep2. It might be another misunderstanding or whatever but the introduction of a girl for the sake of drama in a bl is the most shallow move in the book and I just hope they won’t go overboard with this one..

I don’t know. I'm having very mixed feelings so far. I don’t really have a definite opinion yet. I’ll have to see how it continues. I don’t hate it but I don’t exactly love it either.

xxx