#what else can i say about these past 3.5 years?

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER

["whatever our souls are made of hers and mine are the same"]

| ✮ 3.5 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers for ihhbwm + some spoliers for ioihth]

ok so lemme tell you i had the BIGGEST reading slump ever just as i started to read this. so this review may be a little choppy at some points because i've just pointblank forgotten some parts and don't wanna go back and re-read finny's pov just yet.

i was so on the fence about reading this because on one hand i really wanted to read finny's pov and on the other, complete and utter heartbreak.... yeah....... so anyway i read it.

when i tell you that this book had me ugly crying in the middle of the night. like seriously finny's pov?? fucking broke me. are you kidding me? the way he speaks about autumn? ugh when am i gonna find a guy like finny fr? but seriously this book had me on a rollercoaster of emotions just from the heartbreak knowing whats already gonna happen to finny as he describes how happy he is and how he can't believe autumn loves him back, to the smile i had on my face reading about 'the moms' bickering over baby stuff for autumn.

i will say this now i did expect a little more (hence the rating). i wanted idk more closure at the end there. idk rlly know how to describe it better since its 10 o'clock at night and ive had zero sleep for the past four nights in a row. but yeah i wanted something more. (bitch u wanted finny to be alive)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

finny -

*sobbing noises* i could go on a damn rant abt this boy. holy shit. he's just perfect. if i see one person ONE PERSON coming after him istg- he was such a caring sweet person like the pencil??? and always going to the sketchy gas station (i nearly called it a servo then lmao) to get the candy autumn likes?? and always making sure people were safe when he drives?? *cough* apparently not you though sylvie *cough* just ahhh laura when i get you. cause like why'd you have to make him get out of the car, hmmm? lets just compromise and you give me an alternate universe where finny misses the puddle or better yet where sylvie kept her damn seatbelt on.

jack -

tbh i wasn't all that excited to read about jack. (also to be fair i was still sobbing from finny's pov so that probably didn't help) like i seriously just thought it'd be some jock trying to process finny's death by hooking up with alexis (who by the way can go jump up her own ass and die) but we got the whole other side of him where he was genuinely affected by finny's death and really was his best friend. but the way he didn't like autumn way just- yeah. also i saw him and sylvie coming from a mile away like seriously it wasn't very subtle.

autumn -

*sobbing noises increase* autumn my baby girl. i just wanted to jump through the pages and give her a hug. seriously i feel robbed that we didn't get to see a happy autumn. angie and her's friend ship was so precious tho. and i love love LOVE that they bonded over being moms/soon-to-be-moms. im also just gonna say the way we didn't see an ounce of jamie or sasha this entire book made me so happy! i also lowkey wanted to see more of when she was an actual mom? like what would she name the baby? i wanted to see domestic autumn a little more. but i still love her so much and it was so lovely to see her heal <3

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers]

"my love for her is the closest thing i have to religion. but it's okay that she doesn't feel the same. i'm fine. i can handle it" - finny

"my devotion to autumn is engraved on my very being. i am in awe of her. i will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. i know i'll always love her in the same way i know i'll always need oxygen" - finny

"it's all done. finn's story is over. his whole life. that was it. not even nineteen years, and he'll never, ever do anything else ever again. finn won't go off to college or celebrate his birthday. he won't get another hair cut or get the oiled changed in his car. he won't bite a hangnail on his thumb or buy another CD. finn smith has done everything he will ever do. he won't get to be with autumn." - jack

“this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.” - autumn

"if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now." - finny

all in all laura you can pay for my therapy mkay?

[mentallyisekaid]

「 ✦ Fatui Harbingers x Signora's Sister! Reader, PART 2.5 ✦ 」

---

Part 1 Part 2 [Part 2.5] Part 3 Part 3.5

It's highly recommended to read the parts in order, otherwise few things will make sense!

Warnings: just me messing with Signora's lore because I can~

Word count: 1.3k

---

And so, with Columbina serenely laying on your lap - and Scaramouche and Ajax's intimate gazes dispelling a part of those doubts that had haunted you for half a millenium...

a glimpse of your past was finally unveiled.

"Rosalyne and I were only half-sisters, and it sprouted a seed of discord between us before I was even old enough to understand what family meant. Albeit, what really drew us apart in the end was my father... or rather, the crime that he committed against the divine."

Twiddling with the warm, red crystal in your hands brought you no comfort - only reminded of a life time's worth of regret.

"A crime that manifested as the Pyro Vision I'm now holding. You could say it's... a symbolization of the Lohefalters' curse. But I was the one who made it possible, and what followed..."

You shook your head. "Well, I'll start from the beginning?"

"Our mother, Freya, a Mondstadter, once met a traveling alchemist from an unknown land. Papa and mama shamelessly fell in love, even though she was married with another man and had a young daughter. After she became pregnant with me, an illegitimate child, Rosalyne's father soon found out and they got divorced. She then married my father, and we all took his surname."

The looks in their eyes revealed that La Signora's colleagues had truly known nothing about her past.

But now, all they cared about was yours.

"Papa was quite fanatic when it came to his alchemic research, and one thing fascinated him above all else: the nature of Visions. He'd become particularly obsessed with a certain thought... could Visions be created alchemically and thus acquired without the blessing of the gods?"

A pained look flashed across Scaramouche's face - maybe one day he'd share why.

"Seeing as he was an outlander, the favor of the divine would never fall upon him in such a way. Maddened, he set out on a journey to achieve a Vision, not as a gift from the gods, but by making one himself."

Columbina tilted her head. "And... did he?"

"It sounds crazy," you sighed, "but he did. He managed to create an artificial Vision. It cost him his sanity and so much more, but regardless; decades of endless research and a myriad of sacrifices materialized in the form of a gemstone - a bright red crystal with a faintly glowing Pyro symbol in its core."

Your next words gained a spiteful undertone, not unnoticed by the others.

"But, he needed a test subject to confirm that this counterfeit Vision was applicable. That was me. Not just because he was insane, but because I was a fool. I only had to promise that I'd never tell the rest of my family, or anyone, about how I had received this 'acknowledgement' from 'Celestia'."

Ajax had an unreadable expression on his face - pity with a hint of disappointment and anger, perhaps.

"You agreed, then?" he asked.

"I was nine years old and rather naïve, so yes." You frowned. "But even as I grew older and understood better, on some level, I still accepted what papa had done..."

Scaramouche crossed his arms.

"But, surely... you didn't do this just to please your parent?"

"No," you shook your head, "or maybe that was a part of it as well. I couldn't say."

Yet someone saw right through you, as always.

"It had something to do with your sister, I presume?" Columbina's voice was gentle, like a mother

Ah, there it was - the void in your heart left behind by a broken kinship with the only sibling you ever had.

It was... more painful than you admitted.

"...I knew my Vision was a fake, but even so, it made me feel special. I'd always felt meritless, living my life in the shadow of the oh-so brilliant Rosalyne, who was both beautiful and academically talented. I... I was never looked at with such admiration."

"Although," your lips curved into a rueful smile, "ever since that day, I had something that she didn't - a Vision - and it harrowed her proud heart. Thus, a mutual feeling of jealousy grew between us, creating a rift that we never tried to overcome."

You shook your head. "At least I never did."

But a question still remained in the air, one that you were consciously avoiding for the sake of the horrible things that had once happened and could yet again occur because of it.

You didn't want to betray or hurt anyone, and even more than that, you wanted to protect yourself.

Yet the other Harbingers cared about you in such a strong, unconditional way, and you had started to harbor these strangely intimate feelings for them as well.

Perhaps you... really didn't need to hide anymore?

Columbina had sat up next you and now pulled you to lay on her lap instead, as she softly spoke:

"This Pyro Vision... you called it a curse - the Lohefalters' curse, or perhaps yours, but what makes you say this, I wonder? Was the cost you had to pay for this power much greater than you have let on, my angel?"

Scaramouche was staring at you intently. "I think we'd all like to know that."

You averted your gaze. "Even if it only gets darker?"

Ajax smiled, uncertain yet encouraging. "Even so."

"I... see. Well, if I had known that my broken relationship with Rosalyne wasn't even a foretaste of this horrible curse that I would end up carrying for centuries... that what papa had done would end up destroying things far, far more precious than just my family, I... I would have done differently, I'm sure of it..."

You sighed. "It's too late for amends, though. And this is all I have to say. For now."

No one was left satisfied by this, not even you yourself.

Their first instinct was to somehow confirm whether you had been telling the truth, having sensed that you were probably quite an adept liar (when you wanted to be).

But your reserved yet sincere eyes didn't invite any distrust.

Childe looked sympathetic, though there was a nuance of something else behind his cerulean gaze. When he smiled at you, the mannerism lacked his usual assertiveness.

"I... see. I'm... at a loss for words here, girlie."

The thought of you carrying these grim secrets all by yourself made the ginger Harbinger feel strangely protective of you, and he wasn't the only one - albeit the other two did a better job at hiding it.

Damselette's expression was curious yet enigmatic, indicating that she'd perhaps already figured out much more than you had told them.

Behind her innocent, uncaring demeanor, Columbina was a very shrewd person.

"Our little angel never ceases to fascinate~," she chuckled, caressing your hair.

The Balladeer's displeasure was evident.

"Ha!" he scoffed. "You've got some nerve, disclosing something of this gravity and then conveniently deciding to leave the rest of our questions unanswered. Moreover, with each secret you reveal, another one just takes its place."

Scaramouche's tone now took a softer hint - then again, maybe you just imagined it.

"Who am I to judge, of course... but isn't centuries of hiding enough, Twelfth?"

Though his opinion was harsh and undisguised, it had voiced the truth you wanted so hard to admit, but just couldn't. You found this... soothing, in a way.

As flames flickered in the fireplace, your heart wanted to stay here with them for a little while longer - each of their gazes embracing you very differently but all in a way that made you feel warm and safe; something quite rare in Snezhnaya.

Yet, with a cryptic smile, you stood up and walked away.

Whether sharing a part of your past had been a mistake, or the first step toward some kind of redemption, you couldn't yet tell. But it was clear that it had set into motion something irreversible.

It was only a matter of time before everyone would know...

[gayofthefae]

Will saying "remember, you're the heart" right before Mike says I love you is wild because like- if she heard that, the best case scenario is it paints her a full picture of the fact that he and Will solved this issue together.

He said earlier that he had been thinking about it the past few days, but that is omitting a key detail: Will. The problem there isn't their conversation, it isn't the reference, it isn't anything revealing, really, but the fact that Will is involved in this for him. Even if it is genuine and even without the painting, the fact remains that Will resolved Mike's insecurities for him to tell her he loved her and it WORKED.

The word "remember" on its own might be more hurtful than "you're the heart", honestly. "Remember what we talked about". Even just any encouragement at all, a "you got this", tells us that he didn't contemplate this alone like she thought. Honestly, at that point, there's a part of me that's hoping you still can't say it. Because one way or another, you needed him for this. One way or another, I couldn't do it when I begged but after a couple days with him, you're good as new.

[That tiktok sound but instead of "3.5 years" and "white man", it's "I waited for eight months, gay man did it in one week. I waited for eight months, gay man did it in one week. I said I waited for EIGHT MONTHS. The gay man did it in one week.]

Even if everything is true, he couldn't figure it out without Will. And that hurts. If I'm her and I'm thinking through all this, I'm thinking "so that worked? He's what did it? You're so confused and too scared to talk to me about it for 8 months, you avoid the word "love" like the plague and can't tell me why, you lied about being able to during the conversation, but one week alone with him and you've reflected on your actions, felt remorse, and can apologize in bullet points and say "I love you" freely eight times, all of a sudden." I'd also be thinking, though, that he might not know. Give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm mad at him but I forgive him - because he might not know he's lying.

I just rewatched the scene and I think this fits. My break down of each of her reaction shots below the cut (but I encourage you to watch with it in mind yourself if you don't want my analysis to influence you too much first):

This is her when he first starts talking

This is her after hearing Will. She knows what's about to happen. She knows what he's about to say and part of her is hoping he doesn't because of what that would mean for his relationship with Will.

This is her right after he first says it.

This is her as he continues into a more in depth apology, showing the amount of progress he's been able to make so rapidly the past few days. From this angle, she look she's recoiling and I've said before that it almost looks like it's shot from the POV of the vines shackling her.

He says he can't live without her and she seems to look up again and listen more actively than she was but she also looks in thought and then squeezes her eyes shut again. This situation is oh so complicated.

"It was so big it almost swallowed you whole." This is such a Mike joke to make. And there's something comforting about that delivery. She makes the third face above as he's saying his life started the day they met, but she laughs when he makes the joke. Because that phrasing is the most earnest thing in this speech. Everything else, however true to him, is tied to Will. But she loves him. And it was so very him to say it that way.

But she immediately falls to this next face. Because it was the most earnest thing he's said, and though she's relieved to feel him in this speech, it still isn't for her. And the fact that it's the most earnest thing is also a bad thing. She knows he's going right back to how he was talking before.

He says he's loved her every day with or without her powers and she recoils and squeezes her eyes shut again.

"You're my superhero". She hardens - whether it's anger or determination/choosing to harness this as her motive, I fluctuate. But she hardens.

He says he can't lose her. And that feels like another complicated, harder to read moment. But she does soften back to more expressive like she was before, even if what she's expressing is pain. I think she believes him. Her feelings around the context are more hard for me to read on each watch of the end of this, though.

And I think Max is what finally gave her the most actionable motivation, because this is her the second before she notices Max again. She does not look determined, or even angry, just sad like she's looked this whole time. This does not read to me as the face of a girl about to take action like we see in a moment.

And all of this is also consistent to me with why she wouldn't talk to him much in those two days or address but still rest her head on his shoulder in the hospital. She still loves him. And this hurts, but it isn't his fault.

And finally, to go back for a comparison shot:

This is her when she thinks he's about to say it because he worked it out alone versus when she thinks he's about to say it, knowing that would mean it's because of Will. And that's everything I need to know. Whatever she's feeling the first time, hopeful or apprehensive, it isn't what she's feeling the second. She perked up the first time. She resigned and deadened the second.

[animebw]

Seasonal Reflection: Winter 2024 Anime

My feelings on the first anime season of 2024 can be summed up thusly: Most of my favorite shows from winter 2024 were continuations of shows that were already great from last season, not new entries. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and there were plenty of new anime I at least enjoyed watching. But it became clear about halfway through the season that aside from a couple fall 2023 holdovers, there was barely anything truly exciting going on here. Most of the adaptations I watched didn't do much to truly elevate their source material, and most of the few original series we got ended up the worst of the bunch. I can't say nothing good came out of winter 2024, but if this is any sign of how the rest of the year is gonna go, we may be in for a slog. For now, though, let's take stock of the anime I watched this season, and which ones are worth your time.

Metallic Rouge: 3/10

If you asked me what the worst show I finished this season would be at the start, I never would've guessed Metallic Rouge. I mean, it's a cool-ass original sci-fi anime from Bones with slick 2D mecha animation, surely that's gotta be at least a little cool, right? Sadly, no. Because this is, without question, one of the most baffling scripts I've ever seen in anime. Almost every single detail of its world and plot are barely explained, if at all, and the mechanics of what's even supposed to be going on are so nebulous that every attempt at a plot twist feels like a twist on something that never actually existed. Characters are plopped into the story without even an introduction. At times it feels like whole scenes have been cut out entirely. The only thing I can compare it to is the original Suicide Squad movie from 2016: a story so cut to the bone in the editing room that you can barely tell what's supposed to be happening half the time, and yet enough of the original story remains to suggest it was never any good in the first place. The one thing it gets right is the prickly chemistry between its two leads, and then it fucking keeps them separated for like half the damn runtime! How do you even unforced error that badly?

Bucchigiri: 3.5/10

Man, this was not a good season for original anime. Bucchigiri might not have been as staggering a writing trainwreck as Metallic Rouge, but its sin is arguably even worse; it's boring. It's a wacky, colorful high school delinquent romp with rainbow-haired Jojo's punks beating the snot out of each other with genie powers, it's sort of a re-imagining of Aladdin, it's got freaking Hiroko Utsumi at the helm, and it's boring. Why? Because this show gets absolutely stuck in the quicksand of its own status quo and refuses to budge an inch. Character growth is nonexistent, the protagonist is an aggravating loser wimp who never learns his lesson, and nothing of actual meaning happens from the first episode to the end. Literally everything you think is setting up a character arc where someone learns a lesson or grows as a person, all of it amounts to nothing. It's a limp, inert world that perpetuates the same overdone jokes and contrived, misunderstanding-based drama over and over again until all the outsized Utsumi visual personality feels like a tacky coat thrown on top of a lifeless corpse. What an utter waste.

Urusei Yatsura Season 2 (1st Cours): 5/10

I'm still not quite sure what to make of the Urusei Yatsura remake. is it charmingly dated? Annoyingly dated? A welcome throwback or a sign that some things should stay in the past? If nothing else, it never fails to get at least a couple chuckles out of me every episode. But the more it tries to lean into being actually sincere, the more its inherent cheesiness and lack of depth starts becoming a problem. I'm sorry, this cast of characters is just too abrasive and purposefully insane to take seriously, and none of their relationships are healthy enough to unironically root for. Lum and Ataru are not a couple I want to see actually get together, at least not unless Ataru stops being such a fucking shithead. And if him being a jackass could be charming in season 1, then this season is really starting to test my patience with him. It's one thing to be a serial skirt chaser, but his actions this season regularly cross a line from womanizing to unambiguous sex pest, and there's only so many wooden mallets he can get knocked over the head with before it stops feeling like like he's getting punished as much as he deserves to be.

Undead Unluck (2nd Cours): 5/10

Good news, everyone: Undead Unluck finally gave up on those awful groping gags that were ruining its central romance! Bad news: at the same time, it spontaneously developed one of the worst cases of recap padding I've ever seen! I'm not just talking overlong recap segments at the start of the episode, I'm talking constant flashbacks to events we just saw just moments before, straight up playing the same footage again just minutes apart, all climaxing in a truly unforgivable episode that spends seven goddamn minutes on recycled footage. Not even Tokyo Revengers was this bad with its time-wasting. And to add insult to injury, once it finally gets its feet unstuck and returns to a reasonable amount of recap for the final arc, it's probably the best arc of the entire show! It's some of the most bonkers high-concept emotional storytelling I've ever seen attempted, let alone pulled off so spectacularly. It's proof that there is so much brilliance to Undead Unluck, if it could just get out of its own way. But as long as it continues suffering from such massive systemic flaws, it's only ever going to be an also-ran.

Solo Leveling: 5.5/10

Okay, look; is this show dumb as a bag of rocks? Absolutely. Is it as nakedly an adolescent power fantasy as any anime has ever been? Ditto. Does it solely exist for dweeby incels to feel like swaggering douchebag chads getting revenge on all the normies who looked down on them by becoming The Bestest Strongest Chadliest Awesomest Of All Time? You know it. But god dammit, it's actually fun. I cannot pretend I'm too mature and sophisticated to enjoy a big, helping heaping of dumb edgy schlock when it's actually done well. I'm the one person on the face of the earth who still caries water for Akame ga Kill, for crying out loud. And Solo Leveling makes two really smart storytelling choices that keep it (mostly) on the entertaining side of dumb fun: building a genuinely interesting and intricate world that exists well beyond the scope of the protagonist's actions (for now, at least), and making sure that no matter how stupidly overpowered Jinwoo gets, his opponents are always just a little bit even more stupidly overpowered, so he's still pushed to his absolute breaking point and barely scraping together a win by the skin of his teeth every time. There is an art to edge that's too often taken for granted, and this show is proof that being the living embodiment of a twelve-year-old boy's wet dreams is no excuse not to be at least a decent version of that. That said, let's be real, Jinwoo was so much more attractive before his supposed glow-up. Give my boy back his scraggly rat locks, you cowards.

Bang Brave Bang Bravern: 6/10

What happens when a campy, cartoony 70s-style super robot anime crashes headfirst into a much grittier real robot anime? Well, what happens is Bang Brave Bang Bravern, the latest ten-car pileup of mismatched genres from the Cygames masterminds behind "What if horse racing but idols?" Take a desperate war story of survival against impossible odds, airdrop a skyscraper-sized superhero into the mix, and watch him completely shatter the original tone one cheekily ironic powerup and power-of-friendship speech at a time. It's a beautifully bonkers sendup of mecha tropes that has some of the funniest individual moments in this entire anime season, and the absolutely wild twist it pulls with the titular robot's identity in the back half is more than worth the price of admission on its own. Unfortunately, if it wanted to be as perfect a parody-until-it-isn't mecha series as Akiba Maid War was a parody-until-it-isn't mob flick, it probably should've tried being as long as most mecha series tend to be, i.e. more than just twelve measly episodes. There's just not enough time to develop any of the characters or world beyond the most essential parts, resulting in huge chunks of the supporting cast hanging around with nothing to do but take up space. And it leads to this show, which is trying to be so big and over the top, instead feeling so small and half-formed. Also, the secondary romance is gross. Like, really gross.

A Sign of Affection: 6/10

I think this show has helped clarify something for me: I'm really getting tired of how quickly modern romance anime get their main couple together. As much as we rag on the endless will-they-won't-they of ages past, taking so much time to build up the characters and their relationship before they finally make it official can result in some truly one-of-a-kind storytelling when done right. I might agonize over how long Sawako and Kuronoma take to get together in Kimi ni Todoke, but the payoff is so transcendent that none of those complaints matter. Whereas Yuki and Itsuomi getting together so quickly in A Sign of Affection... I mean, they're cute, I guess? His cool demeanor plays off her sincerity very well? But it feels like the show's in such a rush to get to the good stuff- and so determined to make Istuomi the dreamiest, most perfect boyfriend ever- that it skips over so much of the careful character-building that makes all the best anime romances so special. It's a sugary sweet confection, but wipe the frosting away and there's just not that much cake underneath. Honestly, I find the side characters a lot more interesting because they're allowed to have messy internal conflicts with a bit more meat on their bones. But hey, props for putting a deaf heroine at the center of your shoujo romance and taking so much time to explore how that affects the way she interacts with the world. That's a cause well worth celebrating.

Sengoku Youko: 6.5/10

Rejoice, everyone, we finally have an adaptation of a Satoshi Mizukami work that doesn't look like absolute garbage! After the flaming disaster that was Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer's barely animated hackjob production, Sengoku Youko has arrived to give the cult fave manga artist a chance for his work to actually shine on the silver screen. As someone who only knows him through Planet With, I've always wondered if Mizukami deserved the reputation his manga gets, and with White Fox delivering as tight and intense a production as they gave Re:Zero, I guess it's time to finally find out. And the answer is... mostly? Like, the biggest problems in this sci-fi/feudal fantasy mashup are the characters being a little too eager to state the themes out loud and one pretty crummy death that's about as hamfisted and over-telegraphed as I've seen in a while. But there's a shockingly gripping narrative underlying it all, a story about the scars trauma leaves on people, of characters making bad decisions and facing real consequences for them, of hatred and poisonous ideology forced to reckon with the more complex reality of the world as a whole. And it all climaxes in an absolute barn-burner final episode that knocked my score up a half point all on its own. If future seasons can make good on all the potential this first season has set up, then I may just end up a Mizukami fan myself when all is said and done.

Blue Exorcist Season 3: 6.5/10

I'm of two minds about Blue Exorcist's second return after a six-year gap between seasons. On one hand, it's clear the new staff is just nowhere near as talented as the folks who first brought this series to life at A-1 Pictures. The action is abysmal, the storyboarding is clunky, and the animation feels like it's constantly fighting for its life to maintain a passable standard. And it sucks that a series that once brought such great life to its story is now held back by such a mediocre production. But on the other hand... holy fuck, am I glad Blue Exorcist is back. I once described The Devil is a Part-Timer as the mathematical average of anime as a concept, but if you were to ask me what the best possible version of that mathematical average looks like? It would be Blue Exorcist. This is, hands down, one of the best straightforward shonen action stories in the whole medium, a reminder of why all the most generic and overused tropes were once powerful enough to become generic and overused in the first place. It's proof that even the simplest of "superpowered teens kick demon butt with the power of friendship" concepts can result in a wonderful goddamn series when handled with good old-fashioned storytelling fundamentals. And not even the rough-as-hell production is enough to keep season 3 from delivering on the thrills, tears, laughs, and cheers that make this series so magical. Just, please, give the next season more time in the oven so it doesn't feel like it's wading through molasses to hit those heights. Okay?

Delicious in Dungeon (1st Cours): 7/10

Delicious in Dungeon's biggest problem is that it takes a while to really settle into itself. The opening scene of the protagonist's sister being devoured by a dragon sets the tone for an intense and desperate rescue mission, but the actual series that follows this harrowing opening is as lackadaisical as can be. And it's jarring to be thrust into a gag-filled, character-driven fantasy cooking comedy where the harsh tone of that opening scene and the ticking clock of Falin's digestion completely disappear from the characters' heads in favor of how beast to cook and eat the various fantasy monsters they encounter in the dungeon. Yes, it makes a little more sense once the mechanics of death and resurrection are explained later on, but it's a weird note to start on. Which is a shame, because once Delicious in Dungeon gets a handle on what kind of story it's trying to be, it's really fun! Its sense of deadpan comedy coupled with Trigger's expressive animation makes for some really unexpected gags, and the way it explores its fantasy cuisine is genuinely some of the most creative stuff I've ever seen in the cooking anime genre. Plus, with the dark tone coming back in at the end of the first cours- and landing much more naturally this time- I have high hopes for how this series will marry those two sides of itself moving forward. If the manga fans' reactions are any indication, I think we're in for a damn good time.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End (2nd Cours): 8/10

So remember in my last post how I said that it was kind of disappointing whenever Frieren turned into an action show because of how disconnected the fights were from the beating heart that makes this show so special? Well, apparently the writers heard me and decided what I meant was I wanted this peaceful, meditative tale about grief, change and the passage of time to turn into the goddamn Hunter Exams for ten episodes straight. It's one of the most shockingly ill-advised storytelling swerves I've seen in an otherwise good show, discarding all this series' strengths in favor of a half-baked tournament arc with tonally jarring grimdark elements and a bland, overstuffed cast of characters who only start becoming interesting in the rare moments they're allowed to stop slinging spells at each other and just, like, talk about life? You know, the stuff that Frieren's actually good at? Not this brainless slice of shonen envy that only avoids being a complete slog thanks to how spectacular the action is across the board? Ugh. Look, Frieren is officially the most beloved anime on the goddamn planet right now, and its best moments are so incredible that I wish I could join that chorus as well. But it's so disappointing to me that a show this singular and special has so often chosen to be the least interesting version of itself.

The Dangers in My Heart Season 2: 8.5/10

It's official: director Hiroaki Akagi is the master of middle school rom-coms. No other creator so perfectly grasps the specific blend of immaturity, awkwardness, cringe, and heart-on-sleeve sincerity that defines the love stories of early adolescence. That was already clear with his work on Teasing Master Takagi-san, but now that he's pulled it off twice, there's no room left for argument. And just like with Takagi-san, the second season of The Dangers in My Heart takes a show that was already shockingly good and catapults it into all-time greatness. This is a coming-of-age triumph, a soaring tribute to embracing your own cringeworthy self, flaws and all, and sharing that self openly with the people who matter most to you. Ichikawa's journey toward maturity, Yamada's journey toward self-love, and the way their romance sparks the best in both of them is the stuff that dreams are made of. I laughed, I cried, I squealed like a little girl, and I felt my heart grow three sizes by the time it was done. This is a new gold standard for anime rom-coms, and if you can stomach a bit of groanworthy fanservice, it more than deserves your attention.

The Apothecary Diaries (2nd Cours): 8.5/10

Most of the time when I cover a two-cours show on these seasonal reflections, I end up in a pretty different place by the end of the second cours than I did at the first. Either it sort of fell apart in the second half, or found its footing and took it to the next level, or it changed in some interesting way that affects how I view the show as a whole. But The Apothecary Diaries has stayed the course from the first episode all the way to the end. Start to finish, it's remained pretty much the same show, with the same ideas and attitude, exploring the same themes in the same ways. And you know what? When you're as good as The Apothecary Diaries ended up being, there's nothing wrong with that. This is a spectacular historical drama that builds such a rich, compelling world for its equally rich, compelling characters to inhabit. It's a powerful exploration of how old society treated the disadvantaged- women, poor people, people with all severities of disability- and how one deeply abnormal girl carves her way through this viper's den with her body and soul intact. It's the kind of mature, thoughtful series we so rarely seen done this well, and with the announcement of a season 2 already confirmed, we may well end up with close to 50 episodes when all is said and done. That, folks, is what a true shoujo/josei renaissance looks like. And I'm so happy such a deserving series is leading the way in reminding us how damn good women's stories can be when they're given a chance to shine this brightly.

DROPPED

Cherry Magic: Dropped at 2 episodes for looking like butt and the central romance feeling pretty lifeless.

High Card Season 2: Dropped at 1 episode because I realized I didn't care anymore.

Ninja Kamui: Dropped at 2 episodes for being dull tryhard edgy bullshit with overdone fight scenes that are impossible to follow.

[wowzah2nd]

The Lioness and her Serpent lover: A forbidden love story (Draco Malfoy x reader)

Concealed emotions p2

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 3.5

word count:2.4k

Within Hogwarts many secretes and mysteries were held some solved and discovered. The castle may hold many secretes but within those wall were student holding their very own secrets. Y/N potter being one of them holding a secret that would shock not only her brother and friends but the whole school it self. What is that secret you may ask well. She was dating non-other the Slytherin prince Draco Malfoy

As me and draco made our way towards the class I noticed other students heading that way as well but as they were walking past I heard a conversation about Sirius black. They must have talked about it after we left.

As we made it to the door of the class room I noticed Harry and the other waiting by the door. The classroom was clearly open but I guess he was waiting for me. As soon as he noticed me he made his way to try and talk to me 

Harry: I am so sorry you felt neglected for the past three years y/n i really had no idea i also wanna apologise for making everything about myself and never thinking of you 

I looked at him surprised that he apologised so fast. I thought he would have sulked or felt too proud to apologise but maybe I was wrong. I decided to give him a hug to show him i forgave him

Y/N: thank you for apologising harry that really mean a lot to me 

Harry then looked at me happily and excited 

Harry: does that mean we can go back to normal again 

Y/N: yes harry we can 

I was excited to go back to normal until he had to say something so stupid that i was lost for words 

Harry: does that mean you'll stop being friends with draco cause ill-

I cut him off immediately 

Y/N: Are you seriously asking me that question right now? NO i won't stop being friends with him he has literally done so much for me and to just drop him like that is so unthinkable. You asking me this is so unthinkable 

Harry: B-but I thought you were only friends with him because you needed attention. I'm trying to say that I'll pay better attention to you so your really don’t need him. 

I scoffed i cant believe that he somehow turned my problems back on to him how typical of the chosen one 

Y/N: I didn't become friends with him because of that. I became friends with him because he was a genuinely kind and caring person. I'm friends with him because he knows how to trat me as a human being. I'm friends with him because he is genuine unlike you who only come to spend time with me if you need something or if i'm being nice to draco

I took a long deep breathe before continuing 

Y/N: you know what harry i take back what i said i don't forgive and i don't think i will for a while not until you understand that i'm friends with draco cause i want to and not cause i needed attention or to get back at you 

I grab draco hand and head into class

Y/N: let go draco i don't wanna hear anything else he has to say 

Just as we entered the class had began and we decided to stay at the back with the slytherins they looked  at me and draco confused as to why we were together

Pansey: what are you doing here potter shouldn’t you be with , the mudblood, the povo and your ugly twin brother 

I was about to lunge at her when draco grab my shoulders i looked at him and was about to ask why he stopped me but then he answered 

Draco: PANSEY!! Shut up and don't say shit like that again especially around her

Pansey: B-but draco why do you even care huh, we say stuff like this all that time

Draco: Cause shes my friends and she'll be hanging out with us for awhile soi if i hear that shit again you’ll be sorry 

She looked shocked but agreed. She’s always had a crush on draco but he was never interested in her not once at one point i was jealous at the amount of time she’d tried to touch him but lucky me he always pushed her off and he always reassured me that there was never anything there and it was all one sided 

After that interaction we look towards the front the the class to listen to Professor lupin he was the new defence against the dark arts teacher and honestly i've only heard good things about him, every year level love him and how he taught the class it made people actually pay attention 

Professor Lupin: intriguing isn’t it

Everyone stared at the moving cupboard scared at its erratic movements 

Professor Lupin: does anyone want to guess what's inside 

Dean: that a boggart isn’t it 

Professor Lupin: that correct Mr Thomas

The cupboard moved again cousin everyone to jolt due to the loud sounds it kept making 

Professor Lupin: now can anyone tell me what one looks like

Hermione: no one knows sir, boggarts are shapeshifters and take the shape of whatever the person fears most. That what makes them most-

I wondered when did she get her i could have sworn i would have saw her enter the class 

 Professor Lupin: terrifying yes yes yes, luckily there is a charm for that to repel the boggart and let practice it now 

Everyone was about to get there wands but were told to practise the charm without it first 

Professor Lupin: after me, Riddikulus 

Everyone else repeated what he said then the boggart shock again causing everyone to move back a bit

Professor Lupin: again please and a little bit louder 

Everyone: Riddikulus

I think draco knew i was still a bit upset at what harry said so he decided to pop a joke

Draco: This class is Ridiculous

At that i elbowed him in the side

Y/N: Draco shhhh 

He looked at me with a smile knowing he got me to stop thinking about harry for a bit 

The class went on as normal and professor Lupin decided to ask Neville to be the first one to demonstrate how the charm works. 

Which was a hilarious experience to see, when asked what he feared the most he had answered professor snape causing everyone to laugh and Professor to joke about how he frightened all. After that he was told to imagine professor snape in his grandmother's clothes.

Once Neville had done that professor Lupin released the boggart which then turned into professor snape which scared neville, Professor lupin reminded him to think then neville spoke the charm, the next thing we saw was professor snape in neville's grandmother's clothes.

After that Professor Lupin put on some music to lighten the mood a bit more and make the class more fun with everyone lining up to take turns. Some people in the class had normal fears such as spider, clowns but there were a few odd ones such as a duck. Once it was Harry turn everyone was waiting in anticipation thinking it would be voldemort but was mistaken once a dementor appeared 

Lupin then jumped in front of Harry causing the dementor to change into a moon, this puzzled you why would he fear the moon. But soon after class had been dismissed, He then asked everyone to collect their books before leaving.

As you were collecting your textbook with Draco and his group you decided to look back, you saw Harry staring at the cupboard, you wanted to talk to him and tell him not to worry too much but you were still very angry at him.

It was now the weekend and you were excited till you remembered your permission slip hadn’t been signed due to some arguments with uncle vernon. As you were sitting near the exit to the castle look at everyone who had their permissions signed head off, Draco saw you and was confused why you were going with everyone else

Draco: Hey y/n, why aren't you going off with everyone else 

Usually he would use his pet name for you but since you were out in public he probably opted out of using it 

Y/N: Cause i didn’t get my permission slip signed my brother and i kinda had a fight with our uncle so we never got him to sign it 

Draco: oh the sucks, is there anything i can do to help

As he finished his sentence his friends came by to see what was happening 

Crabe: hey draco what are you doing 

Goyale: Yeah what's taking so long 

Before Draco could speak i decided to speak for him

Y/N: Hey you should go dont worry about me ill figure something out 

Draco: are you sure i don’t have to go i can hang out with you in the castle 

You smiled at the kind gesture

Y/N: Draco it’s fine really go have fun 

Draco: okay if you say so ill see you around 

Draco wasn’t usually sweet in public with you but since the word had gone out that you were now friends he decided to act nicer. He’d always express his hate about having to act slightly mean to you but you always told him it was fine.

But ever since people found out you were now “friends” he's been much happier being able to be nice to you in public 

While everyone was at Hogwarts you decided to get some work done in the library. After a while it got pretty boring for you so you decided to take a walk. Somehow your walk caused you to end up at the bridge and there you saw professor Lupin by himself. For some reason he felt familiar to you 

Y/N: hello there professor

Lupin: Ah Miss potter, i just spoke with you brother not a bit ago 

That made you a bit tense hearing his name 

Lupin: I heard you two are having a bit of a tiff

Y/N: More than just a tiff, he thinks just because draco is friends with me that his using me to get to harry

You take a deep breath before speaking again 

Y/N: why doesn’t he just understand that draco really just wants to be my friend, and also that not everything is about him

Lupin laughed which ticked me off 

Lupin: you remind me so much of your mother you know, especially when she would complain about james bugging her, you two are quite alike 

Thinking of my mum made me very happy even though i never met her i always feel her in my heart watching over us

Y/N: did you know her 

Lupin: yes i knew her well she was a prefect just like me and we did patrols together, but you father would never shut up about her either. He was indeed smitten with your mother 

You then imagine what you family would have looked like if they were still alive, causing you to be a bit sad Lupin then decided to go back to talking about harry 

Lupin: Harry is just being protective, look at it this way the boy who has been bullying him and his friends suddenly wants to be friends with his sister. It does sound suspicious 

You quickly defend draco

Y/N: but it's not like that…his not like that,even thought he seems like a jerk at time hes really kind,sweet and caring once you get to know him 

Lupin then looked at me with a knowing smirk 

Lupin: maybe there more to things your not tell me 

Damn this smug Professor

Y/N: well everyone may be coming back soon so i'm gonna head off, thanks for the talk professor 

Lupin: Please call me Remus, but only when there's no one else around i still am your professor   

As you were walking back into the castle you noticed students were already back, so you decided to make your way back to the common room but noticed there were people gathered around the door.

You then see your brother and his friends then ginny running down the stair towards the group 

Ginny: Guy the fat lady is gone 

You were shocked where or what happened to her. YOu then decided to speaking you needed to know what happen 

Y/N: what happened ginny? Wheres the fat lady?

Before she could even answer me percy was already making way to get past the students allowing you to see the fat lady's portrait it was torn like a beast had scratched it 

Dumbledore and filche then came up the stairs to investigate and have a look at the scene, you and everyone else just stood there looking at what had happened.

Dumbledore: filche find the fat lady

Filche: i dont think we need to sir

He then points of a painting right up another set of stairs causing everyone and dumbledore to run over the questions her 

Dumbledore: Who did this to you?

Fat lady: eyes like the devil, here I say, the one everyone has been talking about. Sirius Black

This was a name you were familiar with when you saw his picture on the night bus in a newspaper the man was reading. You didn’t know much about him but only that he was a murderer. Every one was murmuring thing about him you couldn’t quite hear still in shock that a murderer could be on the school grounds. This was the safest place he could have gotten in.

Dumbldore: the rest of you to the great hall

Everyone headed to the great hall most likely staying safe in numbers, you then heard they were locking down the castle which scared you. Nothing like this happened before.

Once you all entered the great hall you were still mad at hair so you decided to sleep near draco as you were walking towards draco harry stopped you grabbing my arm.

Harry: where are you going?

Y/N: i'm going to sleep near draco 

Harry: you can't do that 

Y/N: why not? Hmm

Harry: cause his in slytherin 

Y/N: well watch me 

I then pull my arm out of this grip continuing my way towards draco 

Y/N: hey, is it okay if i sleep here, i'm still kinda mad at my brother 

A few of the Slytherins looked at you weird, some even gave me threatening glares especially pansy who was near her girlfriends you presumed.

Draco gave you a smile without a care if people thought it was weird then tapped a spot next to him. You then set up your sleeping back 

Y/N: thanks Draco

You gave a smile

Draco: no worries, what are friends for right?

At that comment you laughed which caused him to laugh too

Y/N: yeah what are friends for

[asolverssolution]

Chapter 3: 0 To 100

"You didn't tell me you was gonna wait here!" Uzi yelled, taking away my focus and making me lose my highest streak on Flappy Drone (2,311). I sigh and shut the game off to look at her. "I had nothing else to do!" I state, putting my arms up defensively. Uzi seems to not care and groan regardless. "We need to get moving anyway." She mutters, going to the keypad. I give her a deadpan expression. "Then what is the problem of me waiting here if it saves time?" I ask. Uzi doesn't answer and puts the master key up to the scanner, opening the giant metal doors. She walks without a word to the next one and reaches to do it again, but a voice makes us both freeze. "What are you two doing?" A Russian accent asks. Thank god for my audio translation software, I think to myself. I turn and see it is Doll, one of our classmates. "We are, uh-" Uzi begins, unsure of how to cover up her plan. I sigh and think as fast as I can.

"We're going to test the gun outside the gates to avoid another mishap." I explain. Doll looks me in the eyes for a moment, the red feeling like it's piercing my cyan. Her look softens for a moment before looking at Uzi with the same harsh glare. "Be careful. Last thing this District needs is to save you two." She states. I nod in response. "Be careful, Ava." She states, walking away. "Hey, I'm here too!" Uzi screeches, but Doll doesn't care and continues to walk away. "Oh, bite me!" She yells, Doll not reacting as she walks out of sight. Uzi groans and slams the master key against the scanner, opening up the second door. WDF Guardsmen are standing at attention, rifles slung against their shoulders. We both simply give them nods and walk out. It isn't uncommon for Drones to want to walk out every so often.

Uzi instantly begins to go left, which I follow. The snow is even worse then the last time I was out, with sheets of ice mixed in. I constantly have to move my fingers to avoid frost damage. After about half an hour of walking, we finally come across the Junkyard. There, thousands of bodies of slain Drones and inventions of war lay. The First Conflict only lasted a year, but caused enough damage to fill nearly 5 square kilometers with scrap. I look toward Uzi, who is already showing signs of nervousness. I sigh and lead the way into the heap. "What are we looking for?" I ask as we begin to look around. "A 7.8 millimeter jack." She answers. I nod and begin to help her dig. It felt like a long time before we got past the fresh bodies (we are not gonna question who or what did it) and to the machinery. I begin to pick apart old phones and tech, each jack only turning up 3.5 and 4.0 millimeters. I then hear Uzi yell, "Thank Robo-Jesus!"

I turn and see her begin to attach a 7.8 millimeter jack to a cord. After doing so, she plugs it into what seems to be a speaker. "We came out here- To have your gun have a speaker?" I ask, annoyed. "Technically! The reasoning is it overloads due to how much energy it builds up. The speaker reduces the energy, making it take longer, therefore more time to decide to fire or not! Plus- Beats during a fight is handy!" She rambles. As she continues to go into detail, I smile and stare. She is very dedicated to her invention, like anything she does, and it shows with each word. I realize she is staring at me and I snap back into reality. "What?" I ask, blinking confusedly. "I asked if you was okay." She states, eyeing me worriedly. "Oh, I'm fine, don't worry!" I reassure her, waving my hands frantically. She gives a small smile and nods- Which is interrupted by a giant thud. I unholster my pistol and aim towards the noise. Uzi slowly raises her railgun.

"Whose there!?" I call out, keeping an eye on the noise. Slowly, a Drone with a wide smile leans from around the debris and I freeze. "J..." I whisper. She begins to move out from the cover, two claw arms extended. "Uzi- Run." I say quietly. She looks at me, confused. "I said run!" I yelled, firing several rounds off toward J. As J slices them as I expected they would, Uzi runs past me, climbing up the debris. J quickly dashes toward me- Just for another Drone to land onto her. I hear her yell and toss the Drone off, who I recognize as N. Aside from clothing, those two have barely changed, I think to myself. I look back and see Uzi is still climbing, meaning I can't escape yet. J snaps their attention to me. "It has been awhile, Ava." J says sinisterly. I try to hold my composure. I don't know why I am shocked- If I remember her, she should remember me, my thoughts rationalize. "Yes it has." I state solemnly.

"Cyn has been so worried." J continues, stepping closer. N also stands, the X on his face letting me know he is not in control. Not like J. I aim at her while eyeing the both of them. "I'm sure she has." I retort. I need to keep my sentences short and sweet. "Of course she has. Why else would she be scouring the planet for you." J says with a purr. I look at her confused, feeling myself falter a bit. I hear a yelp and turn to see V holding onto Uzi, who looks terrified. "Whoa, let Uzi go!" I yell, unsure of who to aim at. "You come quietly, we drop her right here and now. I'll even be nice and not tell Cyn about her." J states.

Looks like I got a call to make- What's the right choice!?

[meikuree]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @chocochipbiscuit! thanks for the opportunity to ramble at length

tagging @acerinky @bothzangetsus @pretty-rage-machine @metamatar @leksaa90 @rose-gardens @liesmyth @themorikelife and anyone else who wants to join in! (template at the end)

answers below:

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

about 45, across my two accounts

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

~130,000 words across > 3.5 years

3. what fandoms do you write for?

used to be monofannish, but I began branching out after joining the multifandom exchanges scene (aka BFE).

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

sidewalk reinventions [nimona (2023), gen]

the runaround [SNK, pieck/yelena]

blood to gold [SNK, pieck/hange]

more than a grain of sand [SNK, mikasa/annie]

small foreign faction [SNK, pieck/yelena]

a different picture emerges when I sort these by top fics from 5 different fandoms:

sidewalk reinventions [nimona (2023), gen]

the runaround [SNK, pieck/yelena]

the crimson cusp of evening [JJK, gojo/geto]

docile, unkind, fraught [the locked tomb, harrowhark/ianthe]

the sun coming out [squid game, jiyeong/saebyeok]

5. do you respond to comments?

in short: yes, but it can take months (or - I'm looking at years now) due to real life.

sometimes I prefer to 'reply' by reading and commenting on commenters' fic in turn since it's easier for me to gush about others' writing than my own; this is also a partly a matter of self-consciousness, because it (personally!) feels narcissistic for me to talk on about my own fic in comments.

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

plenty of fic I write is angsty, but I usually mix even total darkness with slants of hope or more often ambiguity. you rarely get a pure distillation of atmospheres or tones in my fic, by design or not. (I'm not super married to labels like 'angst' or fluff either because they’re convenient but can also be limiting and/or simplified boxing-in categories.) the fiercest calm or to walk along the edge probably takes the cake, however.

7. whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the sun coming out.

8. do you get hate on fics?

no, luckily! i'm an unknown name but it also means I rarely attract unwanted attention.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

for sure. if you know my side account (which isn't much of a secret), you'll know exactly what kind. I'm transparent and unashamed of my id and like to revel in it. let's just say I like power dynamics, complicated and unconventional queer relationships, and older women.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

no :(

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, and it's always flattering. <3 both my pieck/hange fics got translated into chinese: 从鲜血到黄金(blood to gold) and 和缓的修复(the slow mending).

I've translated Chinese fic into english and knowing what the translation process is like from the opposite direction, I'd consider my fic a translator's nightmare, so I'm grateful if anyone makes the attempt. I’ve read the translations and been amazed by the artistry, the linguistic agility in them. the translator was really skilled at carried across the nuances of the original text and adapted to differences in linguistic norms.

this might be cringe, but to quote an example (from the slow mending):

the original:

A fully uncharted ground. There’s no script for this, for a reconciliation between an erstwhile commander and a Warrior. But a meaningfulness to it all the same, perhaps: that here, at the world’s end, the ruins of everything they know, they can still reinvent themselves, and what they mean to each other—not as a clean slate, not as a forgettance of the past, but a desire to make something new of its wreckage.

[…]

Out upon the rudderless horizon, the sun is flaring like a wildfire, a thousand years’ worth of fury braided into its light. But they might survive this, after all: Hange feels hopeful, for the first time in a while.

and the translations:

这是一片全新之地。关于帕拉迪亚的指挥官与马莱战士的和解，完全没有既定的剧本。但这一切也许都有意义：在这里，在世界的尽头，在一切的废墟上，他们仍然可以重塑自己，以及他们对彼此的意义——不是纯白的新地基，不是作为对过去的遗忘，而是在残骸中创造新事物的热切希望。

[…]

在漫无边际的地平线上，太阳像野火般地燃烧着，光线中编入了千年的愤怒。但她们也许都能活下来：这段时间以来的第一次，韩吉感到了希望。

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and I might be open to it if time and energy weren’t limiting factors.

14. whats your all-time favorite ship?

I'm a major multishipper and this is hard to answer. at the moment -- this is cheating because it's a gen relationship, not a ship -- zenin mai & zenin maki.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

perhaps my pieck/yelena cosmic horror WIP, and other SNK ones (ymir/historia, pieck/hange) -- I'm not attached much to SNK any more.

16. what are your writing strengths?

i've joked that 80% of comments of my fic will invariably include one of these words: gorgeous, poetic, beautiful. the runners-up are 'incisive' and 'sharp'. this sounds braggy; I'm always flattered, and I'm just listing these because I think those are the immediate data points at hand for my strengths.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, immediacy, and uh... this sounds glib, but tropey plots. plot in general. writing anything that cuts to the quick; my style tends to be somewhat repressed. writing long(ish) fic; my longest wordcount stands at 8.8k.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done this (for a fic for Zen Cho's Black Water Sister), for Hokkien, Bahasa Melayu, and Manglish. in line with the author’s original choice I avoided giving any glossaries or explanations. plenty of readers in the global south infer the meaning of foreign words/brand in Anglo-American settings all the time, from context. who’s to say the reverse can’t be done? I’m also not a fan of italicising foreign words and try to do the opposite: italicising English words instead. neither do I really enjoy any arguments that foreign media should be localized for Anglo-American palates; I prefer when something is specific to a culture instead of universalised, even if it may come off weird or incomprehensible.

romanisation’s a different matter. I’m fine with romanised dialogue for Malay and Japanese but with Chinese romanised dialogue (via hanyu pinyin) can be harder to parse — I’m fluent in Chinese and used to reading in Hanzi. this changes, of course, with dialects or other writing norms.

in the Chinese media/fiction I’ve read where English dialogue is what’s foreign instead, writers have written English dialogue wholesale (as in, in English words) without translating it into Chinese or translated it into Chinese.

I’m from an ex-British colony in Southeast Asia and how dialogue is conveyed and handled is one of those things that can indicate right away an author’s biases and assumed cultural defaults. even reading fic set in my or other southeast Asian countries by diaspora writers can feel strange if foreign dialogue (among other elements) is Pointed Out and made into an event; I prefer when many things that would be the default in people’s milieu here and simply baked into people’s worldviews can be written and let to pass without comment. in Black Water Sister my one petty comment is that the (Malaysian Chinese-American) main character’s initial cluelessness in Malaysia was jarring (and stereotypical), but I get that that’s part of the premise (and it was handled smoothly after). and of course, the universal bromide applies. no media ever has to cater to my taste, she typed in jest.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

snk/attack on titan.

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

hard to answer because i love most of the ones I've written for multifandom exchanges but some of my favourites are the sun coming out, a map of the broken world, and lantern-black, the pitch of light.

(not a coincidence perhaps that 2 of these were written for @bothzangetsus!)

template:

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you've written?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

[ambelle]

WHY do I have to explain these things?

People have to understand that Trump = the end of Democracy. A third party candidate has no chance of winning. It's Trump or Kamala. You really want to change the two-party system? I don't believe you. Here's an explanation as to why I don't believe you along with a lesson on how our government actually works.

People always wait until the election year to TALK about a glorious revolution but this energy is nonexistent before and after the election. It's performative showboating. Protest voters have no plan for a revolution because they don't actually want one. They talk shit on twitter for a few months then November comes along and they move on with their lives suddenly no longer pumped up to ~Dismantle the System~. Right back at work paying taxes that fund wars they don't agree with like the rest of us robots they are so much smarter than.

If Jill is serious why isn't she and her followers even attempting to start small? Run for mayor or governor or something...anything to grow your platform. Instead, it's crickets from these people right until the election comes up and they want "campaign funding" then they vanish into thin air for 3 years. Why can't she win even on a local level is it because she's not even trying? She is an agent of chaos who accepts money from shady rich people with ties to Israel just like everyone else + thinks genociding Ukraine is fine. Are we picking and choosing which genocides are okay or is the idea itself morally corrupt? I can't keep up. Should the Ukraine babies be blown up?

Real change isn't just putting a third party candidate in office. If you truly want to dismantle the way things work you have to know how the government works. You really want third parties to have a chance? Cool then you need to be having conversations about getting rid of the Electoral College. I don't ever see third-party supporters doing that. Instead they say "well if we split the vote then next time they'll take 3rd party more serious." Next time? You mean the time after the Dictatorship? This shit is so unserious. WTF were y'all doing the past 3.5 years instead of talking about the Electoral College issue?

You want the President ( or in Kamala's case Vice President) to have more power than they actually do? Cool then you have to get rid of Congress. That's how it'll be 100% up to the president whether or not we fund Israel. Because as of now CONGRESS decides that. Meaning not even President Jesus would be able to stop the aid to Israel. When a bill has passed both the House of Representatives and the Senate, it is sent to the President for review. The President has 10 days to sign the bill into law or veto it but guess what happens when he vetos...it goes right back to them and they vote to make it law. What plan do 3rd party voters have to get rid of Congress and checks and balances? How would their presidency play out any differently if the system itself is exactly the same???

If you do happen to like Democracy and checks in balances then guess what you have to do. Vote...that's right LMAO vote for the state reps who will be in Congress. Vote in all elections so you have more control over ALL three branches. The problem isn't voting for the President. The problem is forgetting to vote for the other elections and then being confused why the president can't get anything done. Congress passed the bill and Biden signed it. That's what happened.

Mind you historically black people were killed fighting for the right to vote. White supremacists were passing Jim Crow laws and doing the absolute most to suppress the black vote. If it doesn't matter then why do that? Why is Georgia secretly unregistering people who signed up on their websites as Democrats?

Voting IS power.

Below are visuals of the bill Congress passed, a breakdown of their vote (and if you look you can see by name to know for the next elections who needs to go), and a REMINDER that the Vice President has nothing to fucking do with this process whatsoever.

[paletidalwavelover]

Jily Fanfic Recommendations

Hello and welcome to the wonderful world of fanfics!

Listed below are the jily fanfics that I absolutely adore so if you haven't read these yet just know that you are missing out on all the fun.

I've revisited these fics more times than I can count over the past year . And no matter how many times I read they never fail to bring a tear to my eye during the sad parts and make me laugh uncontrollably during the funny. I hope you like these fanfics as much as I do.

Enjoy!

• The Season by missgryffin

Rating : 4.5/5

Bridgerton inspired AU: James Potter, Duke of Peverell, has returned to London just in time for the season, where Miss Lily Evans is about to make her debut. Only, he’s not looking for a wife, and she’s not particularly interested in a husband.

One of the members of my holy trinity. i cannot praise this one enough. If you're a Bridgerton fan, this one is definitely for you. Amazing chemistry, well written characters and an intriguing plot. This fanfic has it all.

• Ruin by baguette2016

Rating : 4/5

AU: After losing her best friend in combat, Auror Lily Everett returns to Hogwarts for a break from the battlefield. She soon discovers that she's signed up for a year alongside her ex-fiancé who is rather determined to make sure the past does not rest easy.

If you like evil James trust me, this is the one. Never have I ever wanted to punch a character in the face so badly. He took evil to a whole new level. But regardless of that this fanfic was a great read and had me hooked. I stayed up past one in the morning just to finish it and I wasn't disappointed.

• And the Wolves All Cry by monroeslittle

Rating : 4/5

AU. if a certain person doesn't hear a prophecy, does it still come true?

An awesome dark AU. It made me cry

• Jump (For My Love) by Ritaskeeterd

Rating: 5/5

When you are the Prince of England, the last thing one might expect is to be jumped from behind by the most beautiful woman one has ever seen, who - in turn - seems to have no clue at all and mistakes one for someone else. Surely, Prince James has the right to be disproportionately upset about this. The question is; does he need to?

aaah!! This one is definitely my ✨favorite✨ one. It's so sweet and cute and fluffy! I have no other words for you, just go read it already!

• Love in a hopeless place by starrylaa

Rating: 4.5/5

Having been hiding out in the middle of nowhere to escape Voldemort's tyranny, Lily is captured by patrollers and then offered as a prize to Voldemort's followers. James claims her as his own, in the process altering the course of both their lives AU.

• Bought by scriibblehere

Rating: 5/5

"I've given this this a lot of thought," he says, "And I want to buy you."

If you haven't read this yet, what are you doing !? Unfortunately it's incomplete but don't let that stop you from reading this. Bought is the sort of fanfic that keeps you up all day and night.

• All the young dudes by MsKingBean89

Rating:3.5/5

LONG fic charting the marauders' time at Hogwarts (and beyond) from Remus' PoV - diversion from canon in that Remus's father died and he was raised in a children's home, and is a bit rough around the edges. Otherwise canon-compliant.1971 - 1995This IS a wolfstar fic, but incredibly slow burn. Literally years. Long build up but worth it I promise!

Its a great story but you need to have an enormous amount of patience for this

• properly improper by lizardcookie

Rating: 4/5

“Marry me,” Mr. Potter repeats, closing the distance between them by striding back up towards the sofa, only to stop and crouch to one knee right there at her feet, looking up at her. Burning. “Pick me,” he elaborates. “Pick me, choose me, love me instead.”(arranged marriage, regency au)

• Good Enough by lizardcookie

Rating:4/5

Lily Evans and James Potter go toe-to-toe, solving their issues the old fashioned way- through a duel. Lily Evans doesn't know what she wants but James Potter just wants to be good enough. One-shot

• Deception and Disguise by ClaudiaWrites

Rating: 4.5/5

In order to escape from her uncle, King Riddle, Princess Lily Catherine Evans flees from the royal palace. What happens when she makes acquaintances with the Marauders, the famous gang of bandits known throughout the kingdom? Will she be able to overcome her qualms and trust them with her true identity, or will it be too late?

• Crossroads by Emmyjean

Rating: 5/5

In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces. She ultimately finds great strength both within herself and those she never would have expected

I just started reading this and it is AWESOME. This is the first fic I read in which I actually enjoy their arguments. Usually in all the fics I read their argument consist of how he is an arrogant toerag and whatnot which is why I found this one refreshing. Would 100% recommend. Edit- just completed this fic and I was literally sobbing for five minutes straight. The last chap is so heartbreaking yet so beautiful. I've never ever felt this before.

And finally at long last I have completed my list. I will of course be updating it as I read and discover new fics. I hope you all enjoy these fanfics as much as I do!

[whenlifegivesyousparklingwater]

Saturday, March 23, 2024

Dear Public Diary,

I finished the Grisha Trilogy. Overall, I'd rate it a 3.5/5. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't particularly special. I don't know how to feel about the third book. Something twisted inside me as the knife twisted in the Darkling. There's something about morally gray characters that hold a soft spot in my heart, especially when it is done well. I like that Leigh Bardugo did not shy away from the truth of humanity, that there is a thin line between what is right and wrong, and that villains are not without motivations that stem from the right place. I like how the theme of power was expressed in the series. I don't exactly know how to explain it, but it was done well, where power was neither good nor bad in and of itself. I liked how Alina still grieved for the Darkling despite his evil parts. Until a few years ago, I believed in my teenage invincibility and cockiness that I had the world figured out. Things were either good or bad in all situations, nothing in between. Oh, how foolish I had been. It's weird, isn't it? Babies emerge knowing nothing, and children believe they have the world figured out, just to figure out how much more there is to learn that they did not know even existed. Will we ever come to the same confidence as we were as teenagers? Probably not.

"Suffering is cheap as clay and twice as common. What matters is what each man makes of it." This quote stuck with me. We all believe our suffering to be unique, and in a way, they are, but suffering as a concept, we all bear. I think the inability to understand this is why some people are so bitter. Why I was so bitter in my youth. If anything, we should be pitying those who have never had life-shattering sufferings--what a fearful life it must be, where every new anxiety may be the worst one yet. When you suffer deeply, there is not much else to fear. What does a man who has lost everything have to fear, compared to those who only have more to lose? Korea has a saying that roughly translates to "The hardships of youth cannot even be bought with gold." The hardships you face in youth let you live a happy life because it makes you stronger for your future. It is a learning opportunity. I feel like I am aging out of "youth." What comes of the sufferings I face now and moving forward? Perhaps it just becomes another lump of clay I throw onto the metaphorical pottery wheel of life to create the thousandth cereal bowl, just for it to gather dust in the cupboards.

I don't know what book to read next. Maybe I will finally read Norwegian Wood. The woman on the cover has been glaring at me from under the bed for the past week. It's the smallest book I own, so it is naturally the book that is on the top of the stack. Actually, The Picture of Dorian Gray is the smallest, but I don't think the face of that cover would look at me any less pointedly. I have a lot of work to do that I should be spending my time on, but I know that if it isn't reading, I will spend my time distracted with something else, something probably less productive.

I need to start taking my antidepressants again. I've been forgetting, and it's taking a toll on me. I can feel it. It's not necessarily that I feel depressed, but I feel withdrawn from everything around me. I feel myself being aloof and neglecting myself. I just took one right now, at 3:30 am. Is it a bad idea to take them so late (or so early)? Maybe, but I know that if I don't take it now, I will not take it anytime within the next 24 hours. I was about to eat bread, but the expiration date was from two days ago. Is it still safe to eat? I don't really see any mold, and there are only three slices left. I'll still eat it. I'm eating it. I'll update you tomorrow if this is a bad idea.

Yours truly,

RCH

[pocketramblr]

Everything I see about stormlight is exactly the kind of thing I'd love to read I think except there are so many books and I have no fucking clue where to even start. So... suggestions pls?

Local libraries (I have 5 library cards for different cities) unfortunately have very little Sanderson, but I do have a £10 voucher for waterstones that I need to spend in the next year sooooo

oh hohoho ok yes i can answer this question very normally while vibrating an average amount

So, Stormlight Archive itself is a (fairly) straightforward series, but it's part of a bigger Cosmere series that is, uh, less so. I do recommend reading Mistborn at some point, since it's kinda his breakout series and will be important but uhhh i haven't done that and when in doubt you can look everything up on the wiki so anyway, here's Pocket's Reading Order

1- Warbreaker. This one is set on a different planet than Stormlight, but it's first for a couple reasons. One: it's free to read online at Sanderson's website. Two: four characters (so far) show back up in Stormlight after Warbreaker and i love them so you should know about them going in. Three: it does a good job kinda breaking down a lot of the magic workings in the Cosmere.

read it here

2- Emperor's Soul. I actually read this before i read Warbreaker but it does a REALLY good job at breaking down the magic more. I'd say this one is optional though, it's a shorter little novella and doesn't really impact the main Stormlight storyline (it's on another different planet). I'd say it kinda helps you grasp Sanderson's reading style more, because you're kinda gonna need to trust him going into Stormlight. but if you already are sold, this one isn't too vital since it can be harder to find. (on its own for audiobook, or in Arcanum Unbound collection)

3- The Way of Kings, Stormlight Archive Book One. Look. this book has three prologues and is much bigger than Warbreaker or Emperor's Soul. You've got to trust him but it's worth it. Honestly if you skipped ES, a lot of the magic explanation gets there anyway through the book, just broken up a bit more.

note: DO NOT read Way of Kings Prime, his first draft of the book. its um. its really a first draft. noncanon, a lot of the cool stuff wasnt in it yet.

4- Words of Radiance, Stormlight Archive Book Two

The sequel!

5- Edgedancer, a Stormlight Novella. Yeah you don't want to move on to book three without reading this one. Um, you can find Edgedancer in Arcanum Unbound, the same collection that Emperor's Soul is in. There are probably standalone versions of it somewhere but im not sure where. all else fails, the Coppermind Wiki has very good summaries if you want to read those to move past it. (thats uh,,,, what i did with the first mistborn trilogy oops)

5- Oathbringer, Stormlight Book Three

6- Dawnshard, a Stormlight Novella. (Lie! it's actually just long enough to be a novel but everyone very politely pretends its a novella. this one you can get by itself and ahem. if you want to borrow my copy you just let me know once you get there.)

7- Rhythm of War, Stormlight Book Four

im uh. not gonna lie to you. this book is kinda the 'lowest of lows' emotionally, it gets real dark. im p sure Brandon actually published it with a trigger warning. but its REALLY GOOD just ugh. delicious.

That's all the Stormlight books that are out so far, but uh, book Five releases 2024 and there'll probably be another novella between four and five since there was a 2.5 and 3.5 novella but thats it so far.

so yeah get started with Warbreaker maybe? then see what libraries around you have the other stuff.

[lgcdanbi]

to think the end has finally come ! 3.5 years ago, i joined lgc - the first roleplay i joined in years where i didn’t know anyone else - scared but excited at what was to come in this amazing group. i’ve achieved so much with my muses, met so many incredible friends, and made such incredible memories along the way.

i’m slightly regretful that i couldn’t have had a better in-character send-off for danbi and nathan, but for anyone who knows me (or doesn’t know, hi if you’re still following this account!), my life has gotten increasingly busy and i’ve gotten less and less active. 3.5 years ago, i was still a college student with (honestly) all the free time in the world, but the past few months have been some of the busiest they’ve ever been - and it’s been such a shame to not be able to devote any of my available time to the one place that got me through the pandemic, moving across the country, starting a new job, and settling into my 20s.

now, don’t get me wrong - i’m not leaving permanently! i’ll still be on the admin team creating graphics, and who knows, i might come back with a new muse sooner than you (and maybe even i) think, but this chapter of my life with danbi and nathan has definitely come to a close.

under the cut, you’ll find my lasting thoughts on geum danbi and how i expect the rest of her life to go now that she’s left the company (and you’ll find a similar one for nathan on his account, too!). it’ll mostly be for me, so for anyone who’s still reading this - thank you for writing with me, danbi, and nathan! without you, lgc wouldn’t have become home. see you soon, and onto the next 🤍

with that all out of the way, i can finally write this long overdue love letter to my very first muse here at lgc - the longest (!) i’ve ever had a muse, infact.

dear danbi, you are so special to me. when i first envisioned you, you compensated in the role of a sweet, nice older sister that i doubted myself to be. writing you was therapeutic in that way - it wasn’t joy, per se, but a comfort if not to anyone else but me. i won’t lie that my development for you was minimal, if not nonexistent, and for that, i can only apologize. there were so many things - so many things, i swear! - i had planned, but alas, i only have myself to blame that those never came to fruition. at the very least, you found success, friendship, love - and that’s all anyone ever needs in life, right? danbi, i love you, and i hope you’re happier now.

ic-wise, i think danbi’s thoughts of leaving probably started around the preparations for their japanese debut. the anxiety and worry about their japanese promotions was more than she ever had for actually debuting, and i think that all finally came to a point when they were able to come back to korea and take a break for a bit.

after 5 (!) years of training, i think she’ll look back on life and think she has more regrets than she initially thought. not going to college, being away from her family - all for a job that still terrifies her after all this time (and at her big age of twenty 26 lol). 

she’d leave quietly and with a smile, not a sob, when she finally says good-bye. moving out of the dorm would be bittersweet - and she’d feel guilty, definitely, for leaving the crystallis girls when they needed her most (but would put in a great recommendation as @lgcyura for their new leader!).

she definitely had her kdrama moment with @lgcjaesun - in my dreams, she’d say, “if we find our way back to each other, we’re meant to be. if that’s the case, let’s get married - i’ll try not to look forward to it.”

she’ll move back to daejeon and go from being an idol to a successful fan of crystallis and, of course, her little sister @lgcnabi!

i’d like to think that she went back to school - got her degree in marketing or something, so she can be close to the entertainment industry without necessarily being in the spotlight herself. 

yeah, it’s better that way. :’)

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb: Yvonne Woon, author of If You, Then Me, has crafted a slow-burn thriller about fixing—our friends, ourselves, and our complicated pasts. 

For fans of Allegedly and We Were Liars, My Flawless Life features a compelling narrator who grapples with the secrets of her private school classmates as well as her own life.At the most elite private school in Washington, DC., whenever anyone has a problem that they need to go away, they hire Hana Yang Lerner.Hana is a fixer. She knows who to call, what to say, and how to make sure secrets stay where they belong—buried. She can fix anything. Except her own life, which was destroyed when her father, senator Skip Lerner, was arrested for an accident that left one woman nearly dead.Now Hana’s reputation is ruined and her friends are gone. So when she gets a job from an anonymous client called “Three” to follow her former best friend, Luce Herrera, Hana realizes this might be her way of getting back her old life.But the dangerous thing about digging is that you never know what you’ll unearth. As Hana uncovers a dark truth about her supposedly flawless classmates, she’s forced to face a secret of her own. 

Review:

Devastating secrets, investigations, old friends, and an anonymous job that will forever change her. Hana Yang Lerner is a fixer, she attends one of the most elite private schools in Washington, D.C. and when her classmates need a problem to go away... they come to her. Hana is good at her job, she knows what to do, what to say, and how to make sure the secrets stay secrets... but she has her own secrets. Hana can fix everyone else’s problems but her own... her father used to be a beloved senator but after a devastating scandal, her life was destroyed: she lost her popularity, her friends, her money, and her family is being destroyed. But now Hana lives to fix things, and when she gets a job from a mysterious client named “Three” to follow her former best friend Luce Herrera, Hana begins to realize that the real job her is her and that Three has more planned for her than she thought. Hana will have to uncover the dark secrets of her classmates as well find the courage to face her own secrets. She’ll have to reunite with an old friend she pushed away and unravel the world that use to be her friends. James was the one person she couldn’t lie to, the one person who told her he would be by her side no matter what, but she pushed him away. Now, years after her exile from popularity, James is now a reporter for the school paper and he just can’t seem to keep away from Hana an her case. They’ll both find themselves orbiting each other as they work together on this case and restart the spark that was between them all those years ago... but Hana knows James is a reporter and that if he finds out her secret she’ll never be able to face him again. Can she risk it all or will she do anything to keep her secrets buried?  This was an interesting read with touches of academia life and old friends turned investigative partners with a touch of romance as well as our main protagonist facing her secrets and the consequences of her actions. Overall, I think this is a good read for fans of One of Us is Lying and similar styled books about school secrets, old and new friends, consequences to our actions and a bit of romance.  

*Thanks Netgalley and HarperCollins Children's Books, Katherine Tegen Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[gayofthefae]

Here it is. The Mike Wheeler Playlist Post.

So I finished it. What seems to be the end of season 4, at least. I am avoiding spoilers for myself. All 28 songs from Smalltown Boy to Mad World. Here is what I have deduced:

Mike got over El after she left and started liking Will, but when she came back, he got with her motivated by the grief of “what could have been” but once they got together he felt that the relationship was aimless, only staying because it was familiar. He pursued getting back together with her because he didn’t want to lose her, despite feeling that the spark wasn’t there anymore. His fight with Will makes him question their relationship again but he ultimately doesn’t believe Will reciprocates and regrets even going back down that path. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do when Will moves. He can’t get Will out of his head and, though secrecy is the only safe thing, he’s getting worn down with it and is increasingly considering taking action in his relationship with El because his feelings for Will make him happy and don’t seem to be going anywhere. He’s getting anxious as it gets closer but Will talking to him in the van gives him a lot of security, but then the moment comes and he lies and feels absolutely horrible about it. He feels like he’s just running in circles. More inaction. Over a year now of just inaction.

There are 19 songs left which feels like a lot for one season as I've said before but in defense of that on top of just the consistent alignment with plot points in the playlist this far, season 5 is going to go back in and reveal a lot of this stuff with some very complicated emotions and much more focus on him, his feelings, his trauma, and his overall relationship with Will. So there IS a lot there to fill songs with. If you would like to read my original semi-chaotic notes from the past 5 hours(you read that correctly. You're welcome. And yes I know the full playlist I didn't even finish is only 3.5 hours) listed by song and including bits I skipped over so that it wouldn't be horribly long, lyric quotes, and one link to a cover analysis, you can do so under the cut.

Scared closeted gay kid in a smalltown in the 80s (confirmed by the songwriter, widely known in this fandom)

He sees Will everywhere.

This girl’s really cool and knows about things I don’t

Alien abduction - ET Parallels.

This song is an instrumental but the title “In The Face of Evil” is self-explanatory

El heroically sacrificed herself for everyone. She is a hero because she is the type of person to make that choice.*sweet that his love isn't hero worship, that's just how he conveys it.

He’s haunted by the memories of El, seeing her face everywhere.

Over time, “absence makes the heart lose weight” and his feelings for her fade

He’s starting to experience a new and scarily tempting, intoxicating kind of love. (based on context…for Will)

This song is an instrumental but the title is “Beta Girl Lost in Forever”. There is a great cover art analysis by @digestionsack at #20 of the post linked here but I could not find anything on the original meaning of the song or album. I couldn't find like anything else on Google of this one's meaning there were under 300 results when I searched in quotes.

This song is a duet that looks back on the relationship of a boy who helped lift up a girl from a very low and helpless place but the girl is now gone and he wants her to need him again and a girl who always had ambitions not dependent on him from the start and appreciated the time they spent together but needed independence now.

He feels an uncontrollable love that’s taking all his focus that he “can’t shake” but “makes [him] feel so blue” (for Will given the last love song)*this is to say nothing of his self awareness. (though could have convinced himself he got over it as opposed to never having known? *consistent with the s3 fight words)

A song about teenage love. Kinda horny.*He's in love and a little bit horny in the season checks notes...without El?

It’s “Ghostbusters”. It makes sense in a literal context but for the record this song is actually very 80s-under the radar-horny like “Barbie Girl”. Probably literal in this case but I’m sure the Duffers know about the second meaning and so maybe it shouldn’t be put right after Teenage Kicks if they aren’t trying to make me at least consider the possibility that they’re meaning to say Mike is jerking off to Will, possibly while he’s possessed. I didn’t need that, Pete Duffer. (Although 13-year-old boys definitely do. I remember the back of the bus conversations on middle school jazz band trips. I'm all for openness and sex education but I know too much about your masturbatory habits, Ben.)

El comes back and he reflects on how their relationship ended so suddenly and she branched out into independence but now that she’s back he’s not gonna let her get away again.*seems like he wants to fix the past vs take action in the present. What could have been. Acting on behalf of his past self.

Their relationship feels aimless to him, but he stays because it’s familiar. “I’ll carry on with what I know”.*her dumping HIM was an important push for him.

Making mistakes is human and a natural part of relationships. He stays in the relationship despite the spark dying out of a larger, more general love for her and because he doesn’t want to lose her. “If not so in love, it’s not so wrong, we’re only human after all.”*feeling an obligation to get her back because while not dating, she's gone completely (at first)?

He left Will/his feelings for him behind but he’s reminded of them by their fight (“little deals and S.U’s”) and he questions the nature of their relationship again but he doesn’t think that it means to Will what it means to him. “A sly touch at times; I don’t think it meant anything to you”. He regrets even going down that road again. “And I should never have tried”.

He’s going to miss them when they move, seeming to specify Will with “seven years went under the bridge”. He doesn’t know what to do without him now.*this song might sort of also explain why he didn't call if he didn't but it's not sure and there are no other songs about it, so he still could have called("if you leave don't look back, I'll be running the other way" but not every lyric has to apply and it could mean something else)

He’s now set/stuck in his desire for Will and can’t get him out of his head. (I considered an angle of this being for El, but the constant thinking about the lover + the interpretation of unreciprocated a love/a pursuit didn’t fit)*one of the interpretations I read also said they think it's about a gay guy which is a great addition, though not an "official" interpretation.

He feels safest in isolation/secrecy (car=closet?) “It’s the only way to live” but he’s wearing down and feeling lonely/alone in this state so he’s starting to consider “leaving” it.

He definitely still has feelings for Will that don’t seem to be going anywhere. They’re kinda…baffling “You got me so I don’t know what I’m doing”. He’s losing sleep over them. But…he’s not mad at it “don’t ever set me free”.

He criticizes himself for his inaction and starts to seriously think about making decisions for himself.

He’s in love. (very simple lyrics: “I saw your eyes, and for a little while/though it took a while, I was falling in love” repeatedly with minor variation)

He’s worn and broken down but still wants love. He’s holding onto Will in the chaos of his mind and the world and trying to keep out of preying eyes. Also it is apparently written as tribute to Stranger Things after season 1, which is cute. “Just stay close” “You can’t stop this feeling.” “They won’t pull us down”. This song is also called “Vale of Shadows”.

Instrumental Synth called “Dead of Night”

He’s full of uncertainty as seeing El gets closer but Will talking to him in the van comforts him and gives him more security; Will’s love makes it all better. “And she pulling the strings” definitely fits this idea of the situation with Will (especially if he is aware)

He feels horrible about lying to El (The song is “Mad World”). He feels like he’s just “run[ning] in circles”.

Notable lyrics: 

[pre-season 2-season 2]

When Love Breaks Down "Absence makes the heart lose weight yeah, til love breaks down, til love breaks down" "When love breaks down, the things you do to stop the truth from hurting you. When love breaks down, the lies we tell, they only serve to fool ourselves." I really thought it would say “grow fonder”, which fit and was cute and I was fine with, but nope. And my jaw went slack and it made me want to write this whole thing.

Love is a Stranger "Love is a stranger in an open car to tempt you in and drive you far away." "Love is a dangerous drug. You have to receive it and you still can't get enough of the stuff." "Comes in like the flood and it seems like religion" "And I want you so, it's an obsession. It's guilt edged."

[season 3]

Something About You “If not so in love, it’s not so wrong. We’re only human, after all.”

Are ‘Friends’ Electric “A sly touch at times. I don’t think it meant anything to you.” “And I never should have tried.” “For you see, it meant everything to me.”

[season 4, volume 2]

Mad World “When people run in circles, it’s a very, very mad world.”

[rottytops]

so i finally, finally finally after like 3.5 years of talking about doing it, finally had my appointment for adhd and..it went really well. it was super easy to talk about my symptoms and the doctor was really nice and understanding too. i have another appointment with a psychologist and then one final doctor's visit where ill get medicated around may...its a lot longer than i would like it to be but in the grand scheme of things its like, in a few weeks ill finally have this awful experience of living with adhd put behind me

but like

i feel soooooooooooooo shitty

i think because the actual process was so quick and painless and easy it only took me like maybe an hour or even less than that for the whole visit but it took me OVER THREE YEARS to actually schedule the appointment. im so frustrated because the last few years have been some of the worst in my life where ive been so depressed and desponend and listless because i just. was unable to create anything. adhd has taken so much from me even before i was freelancing, its what fucked me up in school and nuked my experience in college. ive had these problems for so long and there's always been one root cause and all it took to deal with it was a one hour doctors appointment???

i guess im just upset because. if like, any adult in my life took me aside and asked me what was going on they probably could have figured out i had adhd really quickly, but no one ever did that, my parents just called me lazy and stupid and everyone else just assumed i was a slacker. if even one person really tried i could have done all of this years ago and not had to have suffered some of my worst experiences ever over my inability to focus!

i remember calling my mom in tears saying i think i have adhd i think thats why everything is happening the way it did, and she was like "...okay" and did nothing, and then, years later when i tell her yeah i got the appointment everythings in place she was like "pog!!! im so proud of you i knew you could do it yourself. whenever my kids come to me with a problem i just let them handle it alone because theyre so smart xD"

and itslike. do you have any idea how BADLY i would have killed for any sort of help AT ALL. if someone had sat with me and just helped me make the doctors appointment i could have been over this years ago!!!

aaaaa!!! but i cant just act like i did this 100% by myself, i had a lot of friends emphasize with me and tell me about adhd so i could make sure i knew i had it, and a friend gave me the clinic i could go to for screening and another friend told me the effects pills would have on me, etc, ect. ive had a lot of help from people in my life,but in regards to my family they either didnt do shit or punished me for my condition. it makes me so upset to think about

BUT

the worst of it is over, i did the hardest part myself, theres no point in gettng all torn up abt the past all i can really do is look forward to may where i can actually live my life witha functioning fucking brain holy shit. i guess i can get excited for that in spite of everything

if u read this far have a kiss. mwah

[studentofetherium]

it's been about a month so here's new thoughts on the state of weekly shounen jump

i wanna try doing one of these at the start of every month :) oh and since it's the start of the year i'm including the average ranking from last year because i think that's neat (golf rules, a smaller number is better)

Akane-banashi (avg: 3.2)

Akane-banashi continues to be really good. i'm a big fan of the ongoing training arc. i know quite little about rakugo but i'm incredibly invested in seeing her continue to grow and learn about the medium, especially as she's pushed to her limits. Akane-banashi has consistently been among my top three for well over a month and if it continues at this pace it's definitely going to stay there

Ayakashi Triangle (avg: 4)

there were only two Ayakashi Triangle chapters released in December, and one of them was prior to my previous write-up, so i don't have much new to say about it. the most recent half-chapter was good, but the last arc was quite not, especially considering how long it was stretched with breaks. i hope this isn't a sign of Yabuki's health taking a turn for the worse. but all that said, the anime will be starting soon, and i'm looking forward to that

Blue Box (avg: 3.5)

the pattern for Blue Box is that it often has a series of great chapters all at once, followed by a few weeks of more laid back and atmospheric chapters. i think this format really works for the series, but on a week by week basis, it does cause some problems. all that said, the series is always quite good and i'm invested in the slow burn of this relationship

Cipher Academy (avg: 2.5)

Cipher Academy is beginning to disappoint me. the first several chapters were a great introduction to the series, but December saw the series begin to grow stagnant. i'm still enjoying it, but it feels directionless, with more focus being put on the ciphers being solved than any sort of story. it's an unfortunate direction for the series to go and i'm hoping it picks up soon

Elusive Samurai (avg: 5.6)

Elusive Samurai certainly is. the series isn't wowing me and it usually sits somewhere around the lower middle of my rankings. definitely not bad by any stretch, but the series often has peaks followed by long stretches of being just okay, and it's certainly been just okay recently

Fabricant 100 (avg: 9.25)

Fabricant 100 is something i didn't have a lot to say about last time, with only one chapter having been released. now, a month later, i can confidently say the series is fine. i'm enjoying it plenty and i'm looking forward to where it's going, but it's also far from my favorite series in the magazine. its average is a little deceptive since it has the least number of chapters to build an average from. if it gets the chance to keep going, it may win me over even more, but that remains to be seen

Ginka & Glüna (avg: 1.4)

Ginka & Glüna is the best thing in Jump right now and it's not even close. i love everything the series is doing, from the art to the characters to the story to the action to the designs and everything else. nothing in December changed this. it's wonderful. read it

Ichigoki's Under Control (avg: 11.8)

Ichigoki's Under Control is the worst thing in Jump. it broke Mashle's three month streak as my least favorite manga in Jump. i await cancellation

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins (avg: 5.5)

as Ichinose has moved past its introduction, it's not really setting up a status quo. the cast continue to learn more about who they used to be, but only briefly. the world is still cruel to them at all points. i don't see the direction it's heading in, but it's continuing to be some definition of entertaining, at least

Mashle (avg: 10.2)

Mashle, surprisingly, is no longer the worst thing in jump. the protagonist finally returned and there were breaks, however brief, from the constant stream of meaningless action. the series still isn't good, but slightly better than worst is better than nothing

PPPPPP (avg: 6.2)

PPPPPP's art continues to be great and the story continues to be ??. i'm not really sure what the series is doing anymore but i'm happily reading more every week because it continues to look gorgeous

Tokyo Demon Bride Story (avg: 4.9)

i love this series. it has a great batch of characters. it can be a little inconsistent on a week to week basis, but it's never worse than "okay". December didn't change much for this series, except that i'm growing confident that it'll survive its third volume and keep going after that point

Witch Watch (avg: 6.5)

Witch Watch can be really good or really bad and lately it's been really really bad. i'm losing faith that the series will get better. the series is all but removed from its initial romcom premise which is unfortunate. i don't hate the series as it exists now (its average is pretty good, all things considered) but i don't think 2023 will be a good year for the series