#what do you mean that's how many emails I used to answer in a week?

[thebibliosphere]

Just caught a glimpse of my waiting email and have decided to stay in the woods forever.

[captain-hawks]

OVERRATED // matsukawa issei x f!reader

You’re convinced that getting fingered is overrated. Your roommate shows you otherwise, since you’ve clearly never been with someone who knows what they’re doing.

2.6k — 18+, roommates to lovers, fingering, mattsun and those goddamn hands

A woman sits in a dark booth in the back corner of a restaurant, lower lip tucked between her teeth, fingers digging into the edges of her seat as she tries not to make it obvious that the man beside her has his hand up her skirt. 

“There’s no way it feels that good for her,” you scoff, arms crossed, eyes narrowed as you stare judgmentally at the television screen. 

Matsukawa looks from you, to the movie, and back again. “Getting fingered?”

Your eyes flit over to where your roommate’s sitting on the opposite end of the couch, one brow raised as he lifts a can of soda to his lips.

The woman on the television screen moans.

(This isn’t porn, for the record.)

“Yeah? I mean this is like, false advertising.”

Matsukawa blinks. “I literally do not think I’ve ever met a girl who doesn’t enjoy being fingered.”

A sudden surge of heat licks at the back of your neck at his words, and you force your attention back to the screen. “And just how many girls have you—actually, you know what. Nevermind. Don’t answer that.”

He lets out a quiet huff of a laugh, and the two of you are silent for another five minutes or so before he speaks up again.

“So you’ve never had an orgasm just from being fingered then.”

Matsukawa says it bluntly, plainly, like he’s completely unbothered by the prospect of casually discussing sex with you on your couch on a Friday night. 

“Nope,” you shake your head, popping the ‘P’ for emphasis.

He’s not looking at you when he replies, “That’s a shame.”

—

Your phone lights up with a notification for a text message from Matsukawa on Sunday morning while you’re still in bed. You’re pretty sure he left the apartment early to get breakfast with Hanamaki, and he’s yet to return.

Mattsun: can you text makki and tell him you think getting fingered is overrated Mattsun: he doesn’t believe me >>: …. >>: so like >>: sometimes makki can just maybe not know things Mattsun: you spent twenty minutes last week telling both of us about your last date who couldn’t get it up Mattsun: in detail Mattsun: with a donut and >>: OKAY YEAH YEAH Mattsun: :)

Collapsing back against your pillows, you groan before opening your text thread with Hanamaki.

>>: getting fingered is overrated, makki Hanamaki: wow he wasn’t kidding  Hanamaki: wild >>: now can you make sure he brings me home a coffee Hanamaki: k Hanamaki: u act like he would ever forget something u asked for >>: what’s that supposed to mean Hanamaki: also though Hanamaki: when are u guys going to fuck

You drop your phone on the mattress, looking around the room as if Hanamaki himself is sitting in the corner snickering at you. 

>>: i’m sorry what >>: who >>: how did we get here Hanamaki: at least ask HIM to finger u  Hanamaki: because this shit is DEpressing >>: i’m blocking your number Hanamaki: u’ve seen his hands right >>: bye Hanamaki: cool i’ll email u xo

Groaning, you bury your face under the covers. 

—

“I had an idea. A really dumb idea, actually. It’s kind of Makki’s fault, but—“

Matsukawa looks up from where he’s pouring a glass of water, brows furrowing. 

“—and honestly just feel free to say no and forget this ever happened—“

He blinks, putting down the cup and leaning against the counter, crossing his arms as he waits for you to fumble through this never ending lead up to a question that’s been eating at the back of your mind all week. 

“Can you uh…could you maybe…”

Matsukawa moves a little closer to you, leaning in, as if his proximity is going to help encourage you to drag the rest of the words from where they’re clinging to the backs of your teeth. 

“CouldyoufingermeinaplatonicwaysoIcanfigureoutifI’mjustbrokenorsomething.”

You say it all in a single breath. 

Matsukawa chokes. 

“You think you’re the problem?” he asks, taken aback. 

“I mean, yeah? If it’s supposed to feel good, and it doesn’t for me, then maybe I—“

“Go put on something that makes you feel sexy,” he interrupts you calmly.

Your heart lurches in your chest. “What? Right now!?” you squeak. 

Matsukawa walks over to the kitchen sink, glancing back at you over his shoulder as he slowly presses down the pump on the foaming soap and thoroughly washes his hands. 

You’re not sure how or why that sight alone already leaves your throat dry. 

He nods. “Put on whatever makes you feel good. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. We’re not going anywhere. And then go in my bedroom, lay down in my bed, and text me when you’re ready.”

Fifteen minutes later, you find yourself on your stomach in Matsukawa’s bed, legs idly kicking in the air to expel the nervous energy simmering in your gut. 

And while it was borderline mortifying trying to pick out something “sexy” to wear before tiptoeing into his bedroom, you realize why he said it now as you hit send on a message that simply reads “Ready.”

Because now that you’re lying here in a short, pleated skirt that’s lived in the back of your closet for years, thigh high socks, a delicate, lacy bralette that you’ve yet to find a reason to wear, and a thong with a little pink bow nestled just above your ass—

Now that you’re wrapped up in the familiar scent of Matsukawa’s body wash in a way that’s far more intimate than stealing his clothes or falling asleep on his shoulder on the couch—

Now that you know he’s seconds away from seeing you like this in his bed, from slipping his fingers beneath your skirt—

Well, you can already feel it—the slick, sticky arousal soaking its way into your panties. 

“Wow,” Matsukawa murmurs as he walks in, striding over to the foot of the bed. “Nice socks.”

You go to roll over, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious, and he shakes his head. “No, stay like that.”

Turning back onto your stomach, you push your phone aside, hugging one of his pillows to your face—though you almost regret it when you subsequently end up burying your nose in the warm and admittedly dizzying scent of him once more. Meanwhile, you feel the mattress dip as he climbs atop it. 

“If at any point you want me to stop, let me know, okay?”

You nod, and he slowly starts to run his hands up the backs of your thighs, stopping just shy of the hem of your skirt. 

“Didn’t you wear this to that costume party at Oikawa’s a few years ago?”

The first and only time you wore it, given how its meager length leaves almost nothing to the imagination. 

“Yeah,” you laugh, though it’s a little weak, given the way he’s now rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs against the inside of your thighs. 

Unintentionally, you spread your legs somewhat for him at the sensation, toes curling. He chuckles quietly. 

Matsukawa’s fingers finally slide up your skirt, his large hands resting on either of your ass cheeks. You try to fight the sudden urge to arch your spine into his touch. 

“Is this still okay?”

You nod, and he squeezes. 

A moan slips out past your lips before you can stop it. 

“Oh,” you breathe out, fingers grasping his silky dark green sheets for purchase as he begins to massage the globes of your ass. 

“Does that feel good?” he asks. 

He squeezes a little harder, and there’s a euphoric release of tension that seeps through your muscles.

“So good,” you mumble, face pressed sideways against his pillow. Which you may or may not have drooled on. 

Cool air licks and settles against your backside as Matsukawa grasps your skirt and pushes it out of the way. Your thong tightens against your skin with tension for a moment, snapping back lightly once he lets it go.

Sliding his palm down the center of your ass, he brings his hand back to your thighs and stretches his fingers outward, effectively spreading your legs further. You inhale, toes pressing down into the mattress at the foot of the bed. 

“Oh, do you want me to take these off?” he pauses, idly toying with the string of your thong. 

And while it would certainly be easier, there’s something about the evidence of your arousal soaking into the material, something about the way the lace tugs against your skin—

You shake your head. 

“Good, the bow is cute.”

He runs a finger over the delicate piece of ribbon, and you’re thankful he can’t see the embarrassing way you swallow in response. 

“Is flattery a part of the process?” you ask. 

You can almost hear the grin on his face as he slowly feathers a finger against the wet spot on your panties and replies, “Is it not working?”

“You’re terrible,” you laugh, despite the shiver that runs through you. 

“Save your breath.”

You turn slightly to look back at him, brows furrowed. “For wha—“

Your words are cut off by the moan that crawls up your throat without warning as the pad of Matsukawa’s middle finger suddenly slides down the length of your creamy slit. 

It catches you off guard, how good that little bit of contact feels. How sensitive you are for him. How—

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re wet,” he murmurs, one digit now circling around the rim of your puffy, fluttering entrance while another long finger draws through your folds once more. 

He’s hardly doing anything, and it already sounds obscene. 

Your chest burns, and your heart thunders in your chest as you find yourself arching your ass up off of the bed. The skirt flops back down over your backside in the process, and Matsukawa’s quick to push it back out of the way, his large hand pressing into the small of your back. 

The pillow case grows more damp against your cheek as you quietly pant against it. 

“Matsukawa,” you whine, hips pressing backward again as he ghosts a finger over your swollen clit before dragging two digits back through your folds. Your cunt aches. 

“You have to tell me if you don’t like how it feels, okay?”

He runs his thumb across your dripping hole. 

“Matsukawa,” you gasp again, one hand tightly grasping the top edge of the mattress. 

“Just tell me to stop, and I will,” he promises, slipping the tip of a finger into your entrance. Barely past the fingernail. 

“Issei, please,” you nearly sob, spreading your legs even further for him. “Don’t—don’t stop.”

He lets out a noisy, rough exhale. One that’s a stark contrast to his easy, syrupy tone. 

But you can hardly hear it as he slides his finger into your cunt, not stopping until he’s at the last knuckle. 

You can hardly hear it over the desperate, needy moan that he drags out of you on one finger alone. 

Matsukawa takes his time exploring your tight inner walls, alternating between pumping his finger in and out while you keen for him and keeping it lodged inside as he curls and strokes your wet channel. 

It’s never felt like this. 

Not with anyone. 

Not even with your own fingers. 

But this—

It feels like you’re burning from the inside out, like your nerves are on the verge of going up in flames. 

It’s just one long, deft finger sliding in and out of the eager, needy grip of your pussy. Your tight, soaking wet pussy that’s nowhere near full enough yet still pulsing and dripping with pleasure all the same. 

It’s just a single finger, and yet your voice is going hoarse from the moans tumbling from your lips, the repeated whimpers of Matsukawa’s name as your sticky arousal slides down the palm of his hand. 

“You’re so fucking wet,” he rasps, voice a little rougher than it was before. 

“I’m probably making a mess all over your bed,” you mutter against the pillow. 

“Good,” you swear you hear him breathe out before he asks, “Still overrated?” His free hand slides beneath the waistband of your thong,  wrapping around your hip bone. 

“It’s never, I’ve never—“ you gasp. 

“Because you sleep with guys who do it for themselves, who see it as a necessity to getting their dick inside of you,” Matsukawa replies in a calm tone that’s a stark contrast to the way you’re unravelling beneath him. “I just want you to feel good. This isn’t about me.”

And you’ve also never been fingered like this—face down, prone. With your pebbled nipples rubbing against your lace bralette and a too-short skirt rucked up around your waist. In a sopping wet thong that keeps rubbing against your clit every time Matsukawa nudges it out of the way, with thigh high socks that continue to slip down lower and lower as you writhe in pleasure against the mattress. 

You’ve never been fingered by Matsukawa Issei. Your roommate and your best friend who’s a little too handsome for his own good. Who you’ve had more wet dreams about than you can count. 

Matsukawa Issei and his stupidly long, dexterous fingers. Two of which are now stuffed in your tight hole, massaging your inner walls while you drool on his pillow like it’s his cock that’s stuffed inside of you instead. 

Matsukawa Issei, who’s somehow on the verge of making you forget every dick you’ve ever had inside of you by fucking you with his fingers and his fingers alone. 

“Don’t flatter me that much yet, not till I make you come,” he murmurs, stroking your throbbing clit. 

And oh—you fucking said that last bit out loud. 

Not that you can bring yourself to care when the coil of heat in your gut is wrapped so tight you can hardly breathe. Every muscle in your body tenses under the liquid pleasure that sears its way down your spine with a bite that has you trembling, sheets slipping beneath the feeble grasp of your shaking hands. 

You end up pushing yourself onto your knees as Matsukawa purposely slows his pace, like he’s not ready for you to come yet. Like he wants to edge you until the whole goddamn mattress is soaked.

“Issei,” you whimper in a small, breathless voice that you can hardly believe is your own. 

And suddenly you find yourself being tugged backwards into his lap, your legs spread, your back to his chest. You barely have time to marvel over the feeling of his hard cock pressing into your ass through his pants, not when his lips ghost against the shell of your ear before he rests his chin against your shoulder. 

Matsukawa slides his fingers back inside of you, and you moan at the angle, at the way his mouth ends up tucked into the crook of your neck when you roll your hips into his touch. His lips are hot against your skin as he traces the column of your neck, cunt squelching wetly while your pussy greedily takes in the stretch of his digits over and over. 

And then he presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to your pulse point, biting and sucking at the sensitive spot while your cunt throbs, as you shake with a full-body shiver, as the damn of pleasure inside of you snaps and overflows with an orgasm that leaves tears in your eyes as you sob his name. 

Matsukawa tilts your chin and finds your mouth with his, claiming your lips in a messy, spit-soaked kiss as you ride out your climax. 

It’s only once you stop shuddering in pleasure that you remember how hard he felt beneath you, and you go to slip a hand between your bodies—

“It’s okay,” he exhales, sounding just as out of breath as you feel.

“You don’t want me to—“ You try not to sound as disappointed as you feel over his sudden rejection.

His eyes go a little wide. “No, no. No, it’s that. I just…uh…I already…”

You blink at him. “I didn’t think that was actually a thing that happens.”

Did he really just come in his—

Matsukawa rubs the back of his neck, biting his bottom lip. “It’s never happened to me before, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh?”

For some reason, you feel more than a little smug at these words.

“First time for everything I guess,” he grins.

“Overrated?” you ask coyly, warmth swelling in your chest.

Matsukawa shakes his head, lips brushing against yours when he leans in and murmurs against your mouth, “Definitely not.”

[cogentsummoner]

Questions

continuation of this drabble / requested by @like-a-clock

You sit back down in your office chair, stunned expression on your face. What are you supposed to do, to say? You look back up at All Might- Yagi- whomever- and see him swimming in All Might's- his?- costume. He's fidgeting with his hands, the way he always does when he's anxious, and you realize that despite your shock, you have to say something to soothe him.

Then, another realization hits you.

"Oh my god. That's why one of you was always missing at meetings!" you exclaim, going over the past few months in your head. Generally it was All Might who was absent (which was a source of annoyance for other senior staff members; apparently this had become a big problem with him the last few years), but whenever he did make it to a meeting, Yagi would be absent, generally for health related reasons.

He jumps a little, clearly not expecting that from you, and laughs sheepishly. "Yes, it's… hard being in two places at once. Or rather- being in one place twice."

"It… I can imagine," you manage. The gears in your head are slowly starting to turn again. "So, this whole time…?"

He nods, apprehensive. "I'm…sorry for keeping this secret. It's not… something I want people to know."

You shake your head. "No, it's… I can understand, I think… I've only been here a few months, after all. How… how many people know?"

He's quiet for a moment, then answers, "None of the other staff-"

"None?" you repeat incredulously. "All Might- Yagi- that's… how have you been pulling this off? And how long have you been pulling this off? And- why? Plenty of other Heroes have transformation Quirks, I don't understand-"

"It's not a transformation Quirk," he cuts you off, tone…guarded. Guarded in a way that catches you by surprise. You're silent, waiting for him to elaborate, and he does so with a sigh. "It… my appearance would change slightly whenever I 'turned on' my Quirk, but it…it didn't use to be this drastic."

You wet your lips, a sudden knot of anxiety in your stomach. "What changed?"

He won't look at you. "I got hurt, a few years ago. I can't be All Might all the time anymore. I started dropping weight because… well, you know."

You did know. The bare essentials, at least. Yagi had told you that he'd lost his stomach in a Villain attack, and that's where all his dietary restrictions came from.

"Over time, the difference between my 'Quirk on' and 'Quirk off' forms grew more stark, until… well. You can see," he says, gesturing to his emaciated body with barely disguised disdain.

A lot of things make more sense now. You knew Yagi… didn't have the best view of himself and his appearance. If, all this time, he was comparing himself to All Might, because he was All Might, because his appearance suddenly and dramatically changed as he couldn't maintain his weight and muscle anymore… little wonder it messed with his self-esteem.

You get up from your chair, moving to be just slightly in his personal space- you didn't want to overwhelm him… not yet, anyways.

"Okay, that explains the appearance thing. But why… why pretend to be your secretary? That's what I'm really struggling with here."

He frowns at you. "I'm not pretending. I needed a secretary after Nighteye left, and I… didn't trust anyone else with this secret. But it was… a lot more work than I was expecting, and… well, you remember how things were when you got here.

You did. They were bad. Reports that were 5-6 weeks overdue, thousands of unread emails, and a gaggle of very frustrated senior staffers who couldn't understand why All Might didn't just fire the incompetent Yagi. Niceness alone did not a secretary make.

"So… why me, then? I mean, obviously you needed help with everything, but…why an outsider?" You take another step closer, though Yagi doesn't seem to notice.

He lets out a sigh. "Anyone I promoted in the company would've faced a lot of scrutiny- as would I. They'd also… well, they'd be coming into it knowing about…how over my head I was." He's fidgeting with his hands again, and not looking at you. "Every reference you had talked about how patient and understanding you were, and… that was what I thought I needed. What I did need. You've been so helpful and kind, and you- you seemed to care about me. Not just All Might, but…Yagi Toshinori too. I didn't realize how much I needed that."

"I do care about you- both of you, all of you," you tell him, taking one final step forwards. It's only now that he realizes how close you've gotten, and he startles a little, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Alright, last question."

He nods, solemnly, ready to hear whatever it is you have to say.

"Can I kiss you?"

His blush deepens into a beautiful crimson, and his mouth hangs slightly open. "You- you want to? With me?"

You can't help but laugh. Where was all that smooth confidence from ten minutes ago? "Of course I do. I already told you- I'm in love with you."

"Oh," he says quietly, and that one little sound says so much. He wasn't expecting you to really have feelings for him, or he was expecting the secret identity thing to be a dealbreaker, or… something else. He wasn't expecting this; you, wanting to kiss him, wanting to hold him- you, wanting him.

You cup his face with your hands, and he nods, suddenly, eagerly. You can't blame him- you're eager too, as you stand on your tiptoes to press your lips to his.

It's different from kissing All Might- his lips are thin, and dry, and just a little bit chapped. He's a little more shy, letting you take the lead, gently resting his hands on your hips. But it's perfect, regardless.

[t1oui]

going to school and being friends with percy jackson would be REALLY WEIRD so let's discuss it rq

he gets dropped off every day in his stepfather's car, which inexplicably has hoof prints on the hood?

the panic attacks... there's a lot of them, and nobody can even tell what's triggering them at this point

the old counselor disappears about a week into his first year at AHS (here's some cotg lore for yall) and is replaced by a weird lady who finds a way to bring percy up to every. single. student. who visits her office.

randomly disappears multiple times throughout the year

very very sea green eyes and a gray streak in his hair

once got out of the pool after swim practice and was completely dry (he insists it was a trick of the light)

the blue food obsession ofc

talks about his girlfriend annabeth all the time... even his friends are convinced it's a "my canadian girlfriend" situation bc he never calls her. he doesn't even have a PHONE

always carries around a pen in his pocket and even though it's just a shitty old ballpoint, NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT. also he never uses it. ever.

every teacher has sent an email with their concerns about him to the counselor and when that doesn't work to his parents. the responses are always very awkward and vague

talks about his bio dad a lot... never explicitly negative but bro clearly has daddy issues lol

will sometimes randomly mention camp/war/gods and then brush it off like it never happened

absolutely vibrated in his seat the entirety of the greek mythology unit... told the teacher "a demigod named perseus fought ares once" and the teacher just assumes he means the og (aka the one he's named after)

that one upbeat popular guy everybody knows absolutely nothing about, his friends included

they probably have a spreadsheet with all the info they actually DO know about him

finds a way to brag about his mom in every conversation no matter how irrelevant... his friends are used to it atp

everyone's so used to seeing him smiling and laughing that when, say, he catches a younger kid being bullied, it's actually terrifying to see how angry he gets. everybody in that hallway gets chills

there's something off about him and nobody can tell what. that's just how he is

sometimes weird people in weird outfits are hanging around the school and they're ALWAYS looking for him.

every time someone asks what college he's going to he gives a different answer or straight up avoids answering so nobody actually knows

(if he says a school and someone is like "omg me too" he changes his answer right then and there lol... he's like "oh nvm i forgot i'm actually going here my bad" and the person is so confused)

nobody ever sees him working on college applications but he complains about having to do them all the time... bro is like "yeah i had to go through a sewer system but at least my girlfriend and my best friend were there" and his friends are like yo HUH

never explains anything he says

presentation night presentation = all the shittiest things my family has done and he's laughing about it but wdym your aunt kidnapped you and gave you amnesia???

sometimes he's getting fed up with a teacher or another student and a pipe randomly bursts in the school. like it's weird how often his anger ends in a plumber being called when he's nowhere near the problem

where everyone else is excited to watch a movie and chill in class, percy complains through the entirety of hercules - not just "oh this movie sucks", more like "god hercules is such a dick, idk why they made him chill in this movie"

the weirdest part is how, when percy complains about zeus being a good dad in the movie, it starts thundering outside

nobody can keep track of how many schools he's been to at this point... there's a whole section of the spreadsheet for this

when percy's friends finally meet annabeth they are SHOOK bc they truly did not think this girl was real

alright i can't think of anything else but if i DO i will add on later

[carrymelikeimcute]

Stop Stealing from Authors

As an author, please please PLEASE do not download 'free' ebooks or listen to 'free audiobooks' on YouTube etc.

Books take work to research and write, and author advances are already incredibly low, without us having to PAY THEM BACK to the publisher because the book isn't earning enough. Authors are already earning far far below the minimum wage per hour of work we put in.

Many ebooks are incredibly cheap already and have regular price drops down to 99p/$0.99, and are FREE using a library app.

Audiobooks likewise can be accessed digitally for FREE via the library.

Authors in countries like my own receive a small amount of money when you access our content via the library. Money which means we can keep writing books. Using the library also gives them visitor numbers and incentivises funding, preventing library closures.

Funding piracy makes the already very hard job of writing as a career even harder and endangers library resources.

'Well then maybe you should get a real job' I have a job, and that job is being an author. It is very entitled to tell authors that we need to essentially have a full time job AND still produce content for you to enjoy for free, at a speed/quality which makes writing also a fulltime job.

As a fulltime author I wrote 3 novels last year, each with 4-5 rounds of edits at different stages in the process. I also edited the two books I wrote the previous year during that time. Hundreds of hours of work. And I have since seen piracy websites making money off of that work.

Saying that piracy 'expands the reach of our books' is as insulting as being 'paid in exposure'. If you want something that someone made, you have to pay them for it. It is not doing someone a favour, to steal from them. And let's be real - how many people are you telling about each book you steal? Are you recommending the piracy site to others in the same breath? Are you just rating on goodreads and counting that as 'payment' for what you stole?

If you want to get a free book and 'expand the reach' - sign up to Netgalley and get free books in exchange for posting reviews.

'But then I can't read all the books I want to read' - Why should you get everything you want? Genuine question. I don't have all the make-up I want, or all the decor I want, but I'm not shoving stuff in my pockets because it's not fair that I don't get to have everything my magpie brain desires. You don't have enough time in your life to read every book anyway. You have to choose.

I bet you also have more than one unread book in your possession, right now. Probably a TBR pile. Why do you need another one for free, when you have books to read? And if you don't want to read those books, you can access every book, via the library.

Authors would even prefer that you buy our books second hand, because at least that 1. is good for the environment as it keeps books out of landfill and 2. benefits charity if you purchase for a charity bookshop/ doesn't benefit pirates. And 3. unlike a stolen ebook, you can donate it again and it will be visible on a shop shelf, attracting new readers.

'You should write because you love it, not for money' I do write because I love it, that's why I spent years learning my craft and working to get published. So I could do this as a job. I even write fanfic on the side as a hobby, and that is VERY different to writing publishable novels for my editor - I get to do all the fun stuff with none of the WORK that my writing job requires.

I don't love being told what setting/theme is 'hot right now' and needs to be in my next novel. Or re-reading my book for the 15th time to look for typos, or spending 4-5 hours every morning writing to meet a crunch deadline and the rest of the day brainstorming the new idea which is due in a week, answering emails and editing. It's my job, not a hobby, and it's not all fun, all the time. No one page edits for the LOVE of it.

'If buying isn't owning, then piracy isn't stealing' - Unlike films/tv, books are still available as physical media you can own forever. They're also less likely to vanish from your ereader because they aren't licenced like a tv show.

'I don't want to support a horrible person but I still want the book' - so...you agree that pirating does nothing for the author? Good. Because that 'spreading awareness stuff' we already covered, is bullshit. But if they're so terrible...why do you want to read something that was invented in their brain, and is likely full of their terrible values/dog whistles? Why not find new authors to support instead of hate reading/continuing to absorb content from people you fundamentally dislike?

Lastly, the argument I routinely see is that 'it's just the same as lending a copy to a friend'. It is not. Firstly because you're putting money into the pockets of those who stole our work, via ad-rev on their sites, whereas lending a book to a friend doesn't result in you making money off of someone else's work. But also, lending the book to ONE person is not the same as making it available to EVERYONE. I just filed a copyright takedown on one of my new books which already had 200+ hits. Unless you plan to lend a physical book to 200+ people, you will not do that same amount of damage as piracy.

[cher-rei]

afterglow pt- 11 [ T.A.A ]

pairings: trent alexander arnold x fem!reader

summary: young and aspiring marketing and business major jamie carter (you) is privileged with working alongside the liverpool marketing and public relations team while also getting entangled with their star player and right back, trent alexander arnold.

genre(s): friends to lovers, fluff, slowish?? burn

[wc: 4.2k] [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 12]

notes: so many things are happening at once, I kid you not.

“that reminds me.” you snapped your fingers in realisation. “are you free this weekend? I wanted us to go to the planetarium.”

clara who was sat opposite you on the couch at the axa training lounge hummed in thought, despite her already knowing the answer. “unfortunately not. I have family coming over.”

you dropped your phone into your lap with a groan at the familiar answer. this was the third time in a month that she's been unable to hang out. “dude are you serious? are you ditching me because you're like secretly a spy or something.”

your retort made her laugh, but she shook her head. you couldn't deny that it made you feel slightly upset that clara has been busy whenever you wanted to hangout, and there was a flicker in your mind wondering if she was being serious or just didn't want to be around you too much.

you continued to scroll aimlessly through your phone while clara watched with a somber look. “why don't you invite you know who over?”

without saying anything you simply looked at her, the look in your eyes being enough of a tell tale of how you felt about that. trent had been over at your apartment nearly everyday for the past week— not that you were complaining of course. over the course of the week, you'd gotten closer than you expected.

it's not like either of you had anything better to do, so your afternoons after work consisted of making supper, for two instead of just yourself, and lounging around just for the fun of it. however, this week he'd be busy with his physio and you didn't want to interrupt that part of his routine.

so you started to mentally plan out your weekend which you'd be spending alone. “how do you feel about mason mount by the way?”

the question was out of the blue, seeing as you just saw an edit of the footballer on your for you page and it got you thinking. you and maya had talked about it before, she liked to call it “the downfall of mason mount”. at some point, there was a bit of delusion in you that believed that chelsea would take him back.

something flickered in clara's eyes, and she visibly stiffened for a moment. what do you--” she tucked a loose strand of her behind her ear and cleared her throat. “--what do you mean? I feel normal about him, yeah like the normal amount.”

your face scrunched at her answer. “okay? but what do you think about him?”

once again, she began rambling and you wondered if she was even understanding the words coming from her mouth.

“what's that supposed to mean?” she laughed, but the awkwardness didn't go unnoticed. “It's not like I know the guy.”

that wasn't what you meant at all but clara misunderstood entirely. your gaze traveled to her hands that was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt but you pushed the thought to the side. with a sigh you nodded slowly. “uhm, okay then. world cup mason was an era though, ugh take me back.”

“yeah, the best,” clara trailed off and all you could was stare at her blankly, your lips slightly parted in confusion.

the day came to an end quickly, so when you finished up answering the last of your emails and going over the footage of the new ‘up the reds!’ episode, you called it a day and dashed straight to your car.

seeing as it was friday, you didn't need anything and took the liberty of hopping straight into the shower when you got home. of course, you were tackled by a very excited honey on your way in and gave her the necessary attention for a bit.

“hm, we can definitely take a run tomorrow,” you said and gave honey a quick kiss on her head.

you ran yourself a hot relaxing bath and decided to treat this as a self care weekend. it was a peaceful evening which was just what you needed to unwind from the last few weeks of work and confused feelings. when you got out of the bath, you stayed in your towel for a bit and began prepping your supper.

when you finished up with your skincare and got into your pajamas all you needed to do was finish up with your supper. you had the music blasting from your living room, your taylor swift playlist being as bipolar as ever.

spamjam._.

liked by fía.messi and 1 324 223 others

spamjam._. weekend reset🌙

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fía.messi smash. [liked by spamjam._.]

no.elle look at honey 😭 [liked by spamjam._.]

→ spamjam._. uhm hello??? girl where have you been??

→ no.elle studying 😭 but I'm back now!!

→ spamjam._. studying for 4 years straight 😃 you left me for germany!

→ no.elle. shut up you're making me sound like a horrible person!

→ spamjam._. I'm gonna need a very long explanation then, my dms are open bb xx

saffiekahn woah there, second pic 🤭 [liked by spamjam._.]

→ curtisjr ??? literally what

→ saffiekahn don't worry about it hun xx

you sung and danced along to your shuffled playlist in the kitchen while plating your food. and by the time you were finished, your phone started to ring. the music was quickly paused and you answered the video call with an excited smile.

“I saw your instagram post and I felt the need to rush over immediately,” sofía said from the other end if the line.

a laugh ticked at your throat as you set your phone up and sat at the bar stool while you ate. “how are you holding up?”

a heavy sigh left your friend's mouth and she went off camera for a moment to shut her room door. “I'm okay. but I'm not the one recovering from an acl injury anymore.”

a frown formed on your face at her answer and you realised who she was referring to. “I can't imagine how he must be feeling right now.” you picked at your food for a moment. “but it was nice of you to offer to help him you know?”

sofía smiled, and made herself comfortable under her blanket. “pablo's strong, he’s just a little lost right now.” there was a hint of hurt in her voice as she thought back to the day that gavi tore his acl, recalling just how her stomach dropped when she got the call from his mother.

“and he means a lot to me so I want to be with him right now. jamie you should've seen the look in his eyes when I got to the hospital.”

sure you weren't there but you saw the videos and could account for the pain in his eyes as he limped off the pitch. an acl injury was no joke either, so this was really a tell tale of how much sofía truly cared for him even if she was always complaining about him.

the two of you continued to chat for a bit, catching up since so much had happened since you last saw each other at the last clasíco. “and how are you and trent?”

sofía's question made you cringe. “don't go quiet on me now, I know that somethings up.”

yes something was up. but you weren't sure what it was. “uhm, i think it's going somewhere. it's still too early too tell though, but moves are being made.”

on the other end of the line sofía sighed in relief, causing you to roll your eyes. “and I thank clara for that.”

the following day, you started your morning off with a some fruit oatmeal and coffee before changing into a pair of leggings, a tank top and a zip up hoodie to throw over for your walk with honey.

the weather was a bit chilly despite the sun beating down on you. you and honey took a trip to the park and played around for a while, got some coffee and then went back home. after your shower, you fed honey and got yourself something to eat and sat down to do some work.

you checked the team's schedule for the rest of the month and made notes for filming days and photoshoots, as well as the football match that you and trent had agreed upon a while ago. it was going to be a charity match, which you'd be organising and setting up.

then there was the efl cup final at the end of february as well. the next few months were going to be hell and you could feel it creeping up already. you packed up your work things at about 12:45 and decided to watch some t.v for a bit.

with honey in your lap and the t.v playing in the background you scrolled through your socials when something popped up on your feed. your jaw dropped at clara's post.

clarashaw

liked by maya.carter and 98 234 others

clarashaw weekend with my babies 💌

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you didn't know whether to call her or wait it out. she lied to you about having family over, but you weren't even mad. heck she had a boyfriend!

honey squirmed in your lap and you soothed her back to sleep. “your aunt is a liar. but we'll call her tomorrow so she can enjoy her little date weekend.”

“guess who's back?” you joked and waved at your viewers through the camera.

it had been so long since you last streamed, and you missed it. even if you were just here to chat for a few hours, you felt the need to catch up with your fan base who were more than delighted to have you back.

“how is everyone doing? it’s been so long since we've done this.” your eyes ran along the comments on your monitor, when one caught your eye. you hurriedly hopped off your chair and left the room, coming back with honey in your arms.

the live chat started flooding with comment on how cute she was. the puppy in your arms wagged her rail in excitement as she saw herself on the monitor. “this is an official introduction. trent was the first of everyone to see her, and I took her to work the other day where she was treated like a celebrity by the way.”

you spoke to your viewers about how work had been so far, and how you had the opportunity to meet so many people. everyone already knew about sofía, but there was one person that was more recent.

“okay, so we can play a little game,” you said with a cheeky smile. “I'll give you guys a hint, she's the wag of someone who's club we played recently.”

immediately your chat was flooding with names of every wag to date, which had you rolling your head back in laughter. after a while you gave them one last hint— she was someone that you mentioned on stream a very long time ago, and that you described her as “a gift from the heavens”.

from that, the correct answer came in. “yes!! sophia weber!!”

you put your hand to your heart at the remembrance of your meeting at the emirates stadium the week before. you were coming down from the press table when you bumped into her. she flashed you the most breathtaking smile and you felt your knees go weak, fumbling over your words as you tried to apologise.

“and the best part is that she knew who I was!” you gawked. “like who even am I? I'm no one and she knew my name! and said that she'd like me to sit with her the next time we play arsenal.”

the topic then changed to the lastest television drama as you shared recommendations for shows and movies.

“firstly I think they did a great jo–” you were interrupted by your phone buzzing on your table. with a smile you answered seeing that it was jobe, probably calling to check up with you.

“hi, my angel what's up? you're on speaker by the way,” you answered and he went silent for a moment, not having registered that you were streaming.

when he got the message he greeted the stream as well, followed by a bashful laugh. “I called to check up on you. you know, to see if you're alive and all.”

the sound of jobe's voice made you smile. “oh, so you didn't call because you missed me?”

a scoff echoed through the other end of the line. “me? miss you? never in a million years.”

you hummed and played along with his antics, clearly he didn't want to be embarrassed. suddenly you recalled the fiasco from earlier on in the week when trent came over. “also can you please explain how you blocked me from our netflix account to everyone? I'd really appreciate a full explanation.”

jobe burst into a fit of laughter at that, and you sat patiently and waited for an explanation. you, jobe and jude shared a netflix account and have for years, and when you tried to log in the other evening after trent left, the password was wrong.

“it wasn't me though! jude changed the password, I didn't even know I swear,” he defended himself by shamelessly throwing his older brother under the bus.

you shook your head and looked at your camera. “I'm the one paying for the account by the way.” you paused at the sound of his resounding laughter through the speaker. “not the two professional footballers.”

“I'm like 99% sure that you make more money than I do.”

the call didn't last long after that, but you appreciated the call. you hung up after wishing him luck for his match the following day, waiting until he said that he loved you to fully end the call.

the weekend was finally coming to an end. and that meant one thing— clara was about to get beat up (obviously that was an exaggeration). it was after lunch that you called her, but you stayed silent on the line for a good few minutes to emphasise your feeling of betrayal.

you were in the kitchen when the sound of the front door opening rung through your apartment, as well as honey’s excited barking. that was a clear indication that trent was here so you weren't worried.

clara was rambling on about explaining herself when you felt the presence of someone behind you, his hands resting on your sides to tickle you but you fought him off with a stern look.

“I'm not mad that you have a boyfriend, I'm just confused that you lied to me,” you said honestly which caught trent's interest.

he watched with curious eyes as you took a seat on the island and stood opposite you, waiting for an explanation. to this you raised your hand, telling him to hold while you got the full story.

trent was impatient as he listened to you talk to clara, having no clue what was being said from her side. all he got was that she had a boyfriend and that you might know him.

you sighed at clara's words. “yeah but what was the big de– you're what???!”

both honey and trent jolted at the sound of your scream. the look of utter shock in your eyes told trent that this was groundbreaking information and he needed to know. he'd been silent for long enough, his curiosity was eating him up.

this was when you got off the counter and began pacing the kitchen, with him following after you like a lost puppy. he tried to get you attention but you waved him off every single time.

you stood with your hands in your hips. “how long have you known? were you surprised? you'be been engaged for how long?? clara you've been screwing the enemy for 4 years!?”

trent's mouth fell agape, and he couldn't help himself. “screwing the enemy??”

your hand flew to cover trent's mouth, because clara didn't know that he was there until he decided to speak up. you tried to divert the conversation again and shot the footballer a look but all he could do was focus on the lack of space between the two of you.

your body was pressed up against his, so he took the liberty of snaking his arms around your waist and to his surprise you didn't mind. you were barely focused on him at all, which wasn't ideal but he loved the proximity.

then you heard a voice in the background of clara's and you couldn't help yourself. “that's him isn't it? don't lie to me clara, put me on speaker right now.”

after a bit of reluctance she obliged and you did the same, earning a smile of victory from trent who was listening intently until the sound of the familiar male voice.

“hi mason, it's jamie,” you greeted in your nicest voice possible, fighting back the laugh in your throat because of trent's look of disbelief and confusion.

“jude's friend jamie?” he asked clara and she nodded, causing him to smile. “yeah, I remember we met a while ago during the world cup. how are you?”

you pursed your lips at his question. you couldn't be mad at him like this, he was being too nice. “I'm doing great. I should be asking you since you're going to be a father.”

“clara’s pregnant?!”

you slapped trent on the chest but he couldn't stay quiet any longer. your friend om the other hand was more than upset.

“you said that trent wasn't there,” she argued but you were just as fed up and argued back with a scoff.

“yeah and you told me that you had family coming over.”

it was mason's turn to speak during the unfortunate encounter. he was so oblivious to what was going on, and you could hear the excitement in his voice when he realised that trent was there, seeing as they were friends and called out to him just to check.

you gave trent a look, gesturing for him to answer. he cleared his throat and said hi. “hi mate, it's been a while. how are you holding up?”

the conversation didn't last too long and after a mutual agreement clara ended the call. you looked at your screen with a groan, this was not what you had expected at all. absentmindedly, you rested your head on trent's chest, trying to process what had just happened.

it came as such a shock to you, and by trent’s confused rambling he was having a hard time comprehending it too.

“so clara is getting married and she's pregnant,” he repeated to make sense of all the information. “and it's mason mount, who's also the father and they've been together for 4 years and nobody knew at all.”

the only question you had at the moment was why everyone was either getting married or pregnant. what happened to taking it slow? them again you had no right to speak seeing as you weren't even sure if you were ever going to make it that far.

“what are you doing here by the way?” you llifted your head to look up at trent, who merely shrugged. it only dawned on you then that his hands were resting on your waist which caused you tense up.

the pit in your stomach grew and you tried your best to seem as casual as possible. he must've noticed because he was eager to break the silent tension and told you about his physio assessment as he limped over to the couch. the lack of warmth on your wasit was harsh, almost foreign even though it wasn't something that's happened between the two of you before this.

the past two weeks had been a blur regarding your relationship. it was more than obvious by now that there was something going on, but neither of you addressed the topic. a few days ago you called maya to ask her for advice and she said that he was probably waiting for the right time.

which made sense. things always seemed to get messy whenever the two of you got closer, for example, skylar showing up, the recent speculation of him having a girlfriend (who wasn't you), and now his injury. only this time, you weren't planning on backing away and were prepared to stay until it was clear that you had no chance with him.

the rest of the month flew by without any further issues. the team was performing well, trent's recovery was going great and you officially met mason and absolutely melted at him and clara's relationship.

you joined them at clara's house not too long after the call you had with her, and needless to say, you were extremely happy for her. there wasn't a couple that you've met that smiled at each other more than they did. you could practically feel the love and adoration floating through the air when you were around them.

then something else shifted.

you knew something was up when a meeting was called after work hours that friday. but you couldn't think of any issue so you went in with little care, ans sat down at the table beside clara as per usual. it was when you scanned the room that you realised it was just the media team in the room and not the coaching staff as well.

just as you were about to bring it up with clara, jurgen walked into the room with a lopsided smile. he shut the door behind him carefully and took his spot in front, preferring to stand instead of taking a seat.

“good afternoon everyone, I'm sorry for keeping you all after hours but I just finished talking to the boys,” he apologised which had you questioning.

he continued on but it took him a while to get to the point, but eventually he made eye contact with you and smiled but it was somber. the usual excitement wasny present in his eyes, so you sat up in your chair and waited.

“I will be retiring as the team's manager at the end of the season.”

you wanted to throw up, hoping that this was just some sick joke for april fools but the issue was that it wasn't april. the room broke out into mummers and questions for jurgen who looked as if he wasn't taking the news well himself.

he tried to keep it as short as possible, and proposed the idea of content being pushed out as well as a formal announcement video by the end of the month– which was in five days.

the meeting ended after 20 minutes of discussion and more apologies for the late and abrupt news. of course everyone was devastated, and you were literally fighting back tears. then it hit you that the team just got told as well, and all that sadness tripled and hit you like a truck.

there was still three months left of the season, and this could either motivate the boys or ruin everything.

to your surprise jurgen asked you to stay behind for a moment. when the media team finally left, it was just you and your broken heart.

“you know I didn't even feel this broken when I broke up with my ex boyfriend,” you said and shut your eyes to force back the tears daring to escape.

a hearty chuckle echoed through the room and he came to sit next to you. it was silent for a moment again, to give you some time to process the news. “do you know why I make sure that you're so involved with the team?”

you looked at jurgen with furrowed brows at the question, not quite catching on. you agreed that there was a drastic difference between other clubs and their media managers, as opposed to you who showed up to all the matches, travelled with them, stayed during training and got the opportunity to form an actual bond with them.

“because I knew that when I leave, I'll need someone to be a sort of pillar for them.” he hummed and tried to find the correct way to put what he was saying into words. “a new coaching staff will be hired, people who the boys have been with for most of their careers will be gone but I want them to have a familiar face.”

you nodded in understanding. it was difficult for people to leave most of what they know behind and start fresh and grow comfortable with their surroundings so you could account for his reasoning. that didn't mean that any of this would be easier for them though.

“I just need them to feel at home, and you've been doing that exceptionally well from the moment you started working here,” jurgen said and laughed, recalling the early morning that you joined them at the training center.

there was a curious but nervous look in your eyes that day, and just by looking at you then he knew that you'd be a vital part of the team for as long as they stood. and now more than ever, was your role as detrimental as ever and you were determined to make jurgen's departure one that he'll remember.

that evening when you got back to your apartment, you weren't surprised to see your phone blow up with messages from the group chat.

[doyoulikethisanimesong-poll]

I have finally caught up with my Ask inbox!

After having my inbox closed for probably a month or so (I really should note this shit down), I have finally reached the latest ask and queued it up.

Shits Changing

After having a couple weeks of going through your submissions, I had some ideas on how to improve this system because it wasn't working for me and wasn't working for many of you either (as evidenced by the confusion from some people when the 17th Zetsubou song came on). I tried to mitigate this by putting a day or two between songs from the same artist or anime but it wasn't perfect and didn't fix the issues I was having on my end (namely that I just don't want to listen to an animes whole ost for an hour)

From now onwards I will be doing submissions through google forms (or some kind of alternative if something catches my attention. If you have any reccs, lemme know). I will have the submission form open until I get roughly 50 songs (subject to change if I think its too many or too little) and there will only be one song per submission. You will have to be logged into google to make your submission although I will get no data about who sent what, its just a way to stop people from making 17 submissions under the same email. If you want to game the system, I'm gonna make you put atleast a little bit of effort into it.

However do not be discouraged, it doesn't mean you get one submission ever, it just means you only get one submission per submission period. At a rough estimate of how many songs I queue up a week, you will probably get about one submission a week/fortnight.

Here is the current submission form:

The latest submission form will always be amongst the blogs links thing (if you can't tell at this point, I am not particularly good at tumblr and honestly have no idea what half the stuff is called.)

I'll just post a picture and hopefully it will make more sense. I will also be making a post everytime a new submission form is made as well.

Right there in the middle called Submission Form #1, thats what I'm talking about and hopefully is accessible to all of you (I really do not understand how this site works).

But what about my submission, I haven't heard it yet?

If you haven't heard your submission by Poll #493, that means I haven't queued it up. This can be for multiple reasons. The biggest one is that you didn't give me enough information and I could not be fucked scouring the internet trying to decipher your submission so I will be making certain info required for future submissions. Don't be discouraged if you didn't hear your song at that point, it doesn't mean that I hate it and never want to listen to it again, just resubmit it in the new submisssion form with the required information and I will happily throw it in the queue.

Back to the Asks

The ask feature will now go back to being used as intended, namely to ask me personal questions and blog related questions. Any submissions sent through it will just be ignored and deleted but if you want to ask me about my favourite food, favourite anime or my opinion on anything, I will happily answer.

This is my last paragraph, please put up with my last ramblings

From Poll #500 to #510, I will be testing a new poll layout. This is due to people wanting certain options on the poll that I did not originally add due to the limited amount of votes. Now that a poll gains roughly 300 votes at mininum though, I feel its a good time to test a couple extra polling options.

[heartvshand]

On the Road Again

Summary:

Agatha is getting the band back together at the request of Billy Maximoff. But before they can hit the road, she and Rio have unfinished business to resolve.

Written for Agatha All Along (AAA) Week Day 2. Band AU.

---

On the Road Again

A reunion tour. Who would have thought?

The way she left, I figured we’d never be in the same room again, let alone on tour together. I stared at the email and let out a long exhale. It was from Agatha’s personal email address. And her personal phone number.

From: Agatha Harkness

To: Rio Vidal

Subject: Reunion Tour

Rio,

We’re doing a reunion tour. 10 shows, 10 cities, March through September.

Would love to have you join. Give me a call.

Agatha

It even read like her. I chewed my lip, unsure what to say. Did she really want to see me?

I cleared my throat. It had been ten years since we’d seen each other. Eleven years since the band had broken up.

I closed my eyes. I could see her, sitting in the coffee shop, tracing her finger along the lid of her cup. She was still sad about Nicky dying. She blamed me, despite the hard truth that sometimes, people die, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

Opening my eyes, I pulled up her contact card and called her. After all this time, I still loved her. I’d still do whatever she wanted. If she wanted to go on tour, then we’d go on tour.

“Rio.” Her voice was sharp. “I’m surprised you called.”

“Hi, Agatha.” I laughed, already on edge. “I got your email. You want to do a reunion tour?”

She grumbled something and then cleared her throat. “Management wants us to do it. They’ve got some new young gun in charge. He’s insisting we should capitalize on the surge of popularity we’re having with the kids.”

Nodding, I imagined her slightly irritated but triumphant expression. “I wondered if they’d do this. I’ve been hearing our old stuff on the radio a lot lately.”

Agatha scoffed. “They also want us to do a new album.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Yes. It’s some kid named Billy Maxipad. He’s an idiot.”

Rolling off the bed, I laughed. “Oh, come on, his name is not Maxipad.”

I could hear the smile in her voice when she finally replied. “Fine. It’s Maximoff. Maxipad is just my special little name for him.”

I flicked through the clothes in my closet, already planning what I’d pack and what I wouldn’t. What she’d like and what she wouldn’t. How many suitcases would I need?

“Rio?” Her voice was softer, like old times.

“Hm?” I was afraid to say too much and break the spell, afraid for her to harden again.

“When do you think you’ll be here?” Agatha Harkness sounded nervous.

I paused before answering, still afraid I’d scare her back into her shell if I spoke. I tried to figure out what the right answer would be. I ran my tongue over my teeth, feeling each one.

I cleared my throat. “I’ll pack and look at flights today. When do we hit the road?”

“First stop is March 28th—we’ll start in New York and hit some major cities along the way back to L.A.” Agatha’s voice was all business again. “We’ll start in L.A. for press, then we’ll take a plane to New York for the show, and then, the buses will take us from there.”

“Very cool.” I kicked myself for picking the wrong answer. “Do they have hotels for us already? In L.A. I mean?”

Agatha was quiet. “I was hoping you might want to stay with me. But yes, they have hotels booked.”

“I’d love to stay with you.” I wasn’t sure how to say the right thing. “I’ve missed you.”

She exhaled. “I’ve missed you, too.”

#

Landing at an airport outside of Los Angeles forty-eight hours later, Agatha picked me up without any fanfare.

We threw my luggage in the trunk of her SUV and then buckled into the front seats and for a moment, it felt like we were normal people who might still love each other instead of famous singers on the brink of a reunion tour with a deep scar spanning the distance between us.

The radio started up when the car did. I turned it down just a little as she maneuvered out of the parking spot.

“Hi.” I unzipped my small, cross-body bag and pulled out a small, fake flower. “I got you this. It’s not real, so it won’t die or need water or anything. Very low maintenance.”

Agatha eyed me, then the fake flower. She laughed quietly, taking it. “Charming.”

With a shrug, I looked out the tinted window. “You like it.”

Palm trees and people zipped by us. I fidgeted with the button for rolling up and down the window but didn’t press it. We were quiet, letting the radio fill the space instead of conversation.

“I don’t know if you’ve been to this new place.” Agatha’s voice brought me back from staring out the window. We’d just turned into a gated neighborhood.

I looked over to her.

She pointed out the windshield. “The one at the end here, that’s mine.”

Looking to where she pointed, I nodded. “Cool. I think you’re right. I haven’t been here.”

Once we were inside her home and my suitcases were tucked away in the guest bedroom closest to her room, the canyon of a decade sat between us without music to fill the gaps. We stood in her kitchen, drinking water and searching for topics to talk about without talking about Nicky, our break up, or the band’s break up.

She finally let out a long, frustrated sigh. “Let’s just get it over with. Hash it out now before we meet up with everyone else, before we get on the road and fuck it all up out there in front of people.”

My shoulders fell; I nodded. I knew she was right, but I’d just arrived, and I had hoped for some sort of normalcy before diving into the hard shit.

After a long drink of water, I said, “All right, Agatha. Where do you want to start?”

She blew out a breath and shrugged. “I miss Nicky every day.”

Shutting my eyes, I nodded. “I do, too.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was a strangled whisper.

My eyes snapped open; words caught in my throat.

“I wanted to call you every single day. But. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.” Her eyes were wet. She blinked several times, gaze dropping to the ground. She shook her head. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she looked back up.

Agatha was not someone to apologize. My heart raced; my head spun. I fumbled with the bar stool at the island I was leaning against.

Sliding into the chair, I gripped the marble countertop in front of me, focusing on the cool, smoothness of it instead of Agatha’s words and what they meant.

I failed to say anything before she continued.

“I know it’s not your fault.” Her words were shaky, and her wet eyes were boring into mine. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“And it wasn’t yours.” I licked my lips, gripping the counter, afraid to break eye contact.

“I don’t hate you.” Her voice cracked. The tears ran down her cheeks.

“I don’t hate you either.” I swallowed.

We watched each other.

Agatha’s phone buzzed. Our eyes moved to it and then back to each other.

“Are you seeing anyone?” She silenced her phone when it started buzzing with a phone call.

I shook my head; my heart raced.

She made her way around the island and closed the distance between us. I spun around on the stool and faced her; she stood in front of me. I hopped off the stool. She pulled me in for a hug.

My arms wrapped around her; I buried my face in her neck. Her hand cradled the back of my head. Tension left my body until the buzzing returned.

Her phone buzzed again. And again. And again. “Damn it, Billy.” She pulled away and walked back to her phone. “He’s extremely excited that you’re here early and staying with me.”

My eyes widened. “Oh?”

Agatha rolled her eyes and answered the phone. “What?”

There was chatter on the other end; she held up a hand and moved it in a way that mimed talking.

“Yep, she’s here.” She leaned against the counter and sighed. “No. We were in the middle of an extremely important conversation.”

Billy said something else I couldn’t hear.

She rolled her eyes and glanced at me. “Yes. Don’t lecture me. Bye.”

She hung up and walked back over to me.

“What did he want?” I glanced at her phone.

“Wanted to make sure you got here in one piece, that we hadn’t killed each other, you know, all that.” She waved the question away. “Listen, everyone else is arriving next week. Jen, Alice, Lilia. I don’t want to fight with you on the road. And, in general, I don’t want to be at odds with you.”

My chest tightened, realizing quickly what she was getting at. “They still don’t know what happened with Nicky.”

“No. They don’t.” She dropped her gaze to the floor.

Frowning, I watched her tap her fingers against her thigh. I exhaled. “You didn’t stay in touch with them, did you?”

She shook her head. “Nope. I did not.”

“Did they reach out about the rumors?” I chewed on my cheek. None of them had called me, but they’d always liked Agatha more.

She shrugged. “Yeah.”

We were quiet for a moment.

“He just got sick and died,” I said.

She nodded.

“Those headlines were all trash.” The tabloids flashed across my mind: ‘Agatha Harkness let her son overdose on heroin!’ ‘Was Agatha’s addiction the downfall of her own son?’

My frown deepened. “Agatha. You didn’t let them believe those things, did you?”

She shrugged again.

“Our son,” I said, clenching my jaw. “He did not die from an overdose, and you aren’t even addicted to drugs! He got sick and died, Agatha.”

“I know that!” Her eyes were hard when she looked at me. “But nobody else gets to know me. Or Nicky. The public doesn’t get to have him.”

I blinked several times. “Our bandmates weren’t the public. You could have told them the rumors weren’t true.”

“You and I were very private about Nicky and the cancer. I didn’t want anyone to know. I still don’t.” She took a sharp inhale and wiped her eyes.

“Not even our friends?” I paced in front of her.

“No, because you never know who they might tell. Everyone trusts someone with secrets,” she said.

I stopped and tilted my head. “Oh, come on. That’s a little paranoid.”

“Everyone has someone they tell secrets to. And one of those will leak it to the wrong person. I don’t want Nicky’s face everywhere all the time for the rest of my life paired with to see the headlines about him being so brave, or the articles about his cancer, all of it.” Her voice cracked; she buried her face in her hands. Her body shook with sobs.

I pulled her in, holding her. “Okay, that…I can understand.”

She held on to me, burying her face in my neck. I stroked her hair and took deep, even breaths. It felt good to hold her, to talk to someone about this.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes and untangled herself from my arms. When she spoke, she had a renewed frustration in her voice. “I’m so angry that you let me leave.”

My brow furrowed. “What was I supposed to do? Hold you hostage? Force you to stay and pretend to love me?”

She snarled. “You could have fought for me.”

“Agatha, do you remember that entire last year together? We quit the band, because I was fighting for you.” I clenched and unclenched my fists. “We stayed in that cottage in the middle of nowhere, where all I did was try to fix it. For an entire year!”

Her face, twisted up with anger, softened again. She crumpled in front of me, curling up, squatting, gripping her stomach. She took ragged breaths, and then the sobbing resumed.

I wasn’t sure if I should even try to touch her. I stayed put, waiting for her to switch gears, finding new resolve to be angry with me.

She sank on to the ground and held her fist against her chest. My heart hurt watching her. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I slowly approached her. Meeting her on the ground, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held on to her again.

She looked up; our breathing mingled. I imagined her lips on mine and swallowed. Then, our lips were pressed together. She was kissing me, grabbing my face. I pulled her up and guided her to the couch, kissing, hands exploring whatever they could reach.

Her fingers threaded through my hair.

I slipped my hands up her shirt. I broke the kiss. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, now shut up and kiss me.” She pressed her body against mine.

My hands slid upward, dancing across the bottom of her bra.

She moaned softly. “Your hands are so soft.”

I smiled against her lips, kissing her then trailing kisses down her neck. “Mind if I start undressing you?”

“Only if I can do the same to you,” she said. Her hands slid out of my hair and found their way to my pants.

“Be my guest.” I laughed, lifting my hips so she could pull the pants down.

I unclipped her bra and pulled her shirt off. Once she was done removing my pants, she tossed her bra across the room, then she tossed my shirt and bra in the same direction. She hurriedly removed her own pants and then stood there, chest heaving. We stared at each other, taking in one another’s bodies. A decade had gone by since we’d seen each other naked. I bit my lip and pulled her to me.

#

“Here’s your shirt.” She tossed me my t-shirt.

“Here you go.” I walked up to her, with her bra in hand. “Turn around, I can help.”

She laughed and took the bra from me. “Stop it.”

“What?” I quirked up an eyebrow.

She shook her head. “You know what.”

I pretended to think about it for a moment before shaking my head. “Nope. I don’t know what.”

“Stop being so…cute.” She eyed me. “Unless you want to take this to the bed.”

“Considering we just lost about four hours to having sex on the couch, I’m guessing we don’t have another four hours to lose, so we probably should keep it in our pants.” I winked. “Maybe later?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

I laughed before my smile slowly faded and reality sank back in. “Agatha. You know we should figure out...things, not just fuck it out.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I don’t want to think or talk about it yet.”

I suppressed a sigh, pressing my lips together tightly and forcing the air out of my nose in an even way. “Okay.”

She whipped around to face me. “Rio, what do you want?”

My eyes widened; I backed up, tilting my head. “I’m fine with talking about it later.”

She looked confused for a moment before her expression smoothed out. “Oh, no, I know. I meant…what do you want?”

She gestured between us. “What do you want this to be?”

I stared at her for a moment, weighing whether I wanted to be that vulnerable. I dropped my gaze to the ground then found the ceiling. Anywhere but her.

“Agatha, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted that the whole time. That hasn’t changed.” I kept my eyes focused on the window behind her, watching birds flitting by outside.

She exhaled and smoothed out her clothes. “I want that, too.”

I looked at her. “Really?”

“Yes.” Her voice was tight. “If you’d give me a chance.”

“Of course.” I reached for her hand. “Want to be my girlfriend?”

She rolled her eyes, but a smile played on her lips. “Yes.”

I leaned in and kissed her softly.

“If the ladies ask, please don’t tell them about Nicky.” Her voice was a strangled whisper. She looked at me with a desperation in her eyes. “Please.”

Shutting my eyes, I nodded. “As you wish, Agatha.”

Opening my eyes, I watched her try to give me a smile briefly before blinking several times and letting out a big exhale. She turned away from me.  “We’re meeting Billy for dinner. We should get ready.”

#

Sitting in the restaurant, Agatha fiddled with my hand; her eyes scanned for Billy.

I draped my arm around the back of her chair and leaned back a little.

She shifted in her seat.

“You nervous, sweetheart?” I raised an eyebrow.

“A bit, yeah. This wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind as our first official night back together.” She ran her hand through her hair.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?” I smirked and tilted my head.

“A quiet dinner, more sex. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Not a business dinner.”

“We were always really good at mixing business with pleasure. Maybe we can have a business dinner and cap the night off with some more sex,” I said, nodding in the direction of the door. “Billy’s here.”

She looked from me to the front of the restaurant.

“Are we hiding this?” I motioned between us.

“No.” Agatha’s brow furrowed; she shook her head. “No, never.”

I nodded.

“I’d never hide you, Rio,” she said, softly.

I smiled before turning my attention to Billy, who was quickly approaching.

“Hey, Agatha! So good to meet you, Rio!” He leaned down for a hug, which I obliged.

“Same to you, Billy.” I wondered if he knew about Agatha’s special nickname for him or not. He took the seat across from us. “What have you two been up to with your first day reunited?”

Agatha cleared her throat and made a few faces. “Oh, um, you know. We talked everything out. We, yeah, we got back together.”

Billy eyed us, then looking at me, he said, “Is that so?”

“Can confirm.” I smiled. The image of Agatha coming undone with me between her legs filled my mind.

He clapped, smiling wide. “Wonderful! Congrats!”

With food in front of us, I took my hand from hers and focused on eating and whatever Billy had called us here to go over.

“Rio, I wanted to make sure the interview questions were all appropriate. Are there any topics you don’t want to be asked about?” Billy wiped his mouth.

“Nicky.” I took a sip of water. “My personal life in general. Stay focused on the music.”

He nodded, taking notes on his phone. “Okay. I’ll do my best. You know how reporters are.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. They’ll get some weird answers if they ask me anything I don’t want to answer.”

Agatha snorted. “I’m sure the whole band will help deflect for each other.”

Billy pointed at her and nodded. “Yes. Definitely.”

I focused on the bite of food in my mouth. After swallowing, I took another drink. “How many interviews will there be before we hit the road?”

Billy rattled off a list of names I recognized as magazines, but I stopped listening after the third one.

“So. A lot.” I sighed, nodding. “Sounds about right.”

“It’ll be a variety of magazines, podcasts, online video channels,” he said, continuing.

Agatha and I exchanged a glance.

“That’s enough, Billy. We get it.” Agatha rolled her eyes and finished the last of her food.

“Everyone else arrives next week. For convenience, we want you two staying at the hotel with them. It’s going to make transport a lot easier. Do you want one room or two?” Billy took a long drink from his water, finishing it off.

We looked at each other. Agatha spoke first. “Two rooms with an adjoining door? Or one room? What do you think?”

“I’m comfortable with either. Let’s do one room since there’s a big chance that we’ll be sharing one most of the time anyway. Might as well save some money, right, Billy?” I looked from her to him and back at her.

“Love that thinking, Rio.” He nodded. “Agatha, one room for you two, then?”

She nodded, trying to hide a smile. “Yep, that works.”

Watching her hide that smile gave me a rush. I smiled at her and mouthed, “I love you,” to her while Billy kept asking his questions.

She winked.

We stared at each other, and I missed anything else Billy had to say.

#

Agatha fluttered around her home all morning, packing, unpacking, and repacking things and muttering to herself and sometimes to me about what she should and shouldn’t bring. I lazed on the bed, watching her. My bags were already good to go.

“Have you talked to Lilia, Jen, or Alice?” I practiced twirling the drumstick between my fingers. It fell and almost hit me in the face. I picked it up and tried again, trying to shake off the rust.

Agatha paused and stared at me, registering what I was doing. “We haven’t been rehearsing day in and day out. Oh my god, what were they thinking? We should have started practicing months ago.”

“We’re musicians. I’m sure it’s like riding a bike.” I thought about the familiar beats and rhythms and way to play our music. “It’s not like we all quit music after we broke up. We all have had our own careers.”

She nodded and went back to running around. “Right. Right. Of course. But we should still practice together.”

“And we will. I’m sure we’ll have time for that.” I yawned and dodged the drumstick as it almost fell on my face again. “You could call Billy and check.”

“Can you do that, please? I’m still packing.” Agatha wandered out of earshot.

I set the stick down on the bed and grabbed my phone off the bedside table. I tapped on Billy’s name and waited for him to answer.

He answered after two rings. “Rio? Is everything okay?”

“Hey, yeah. Agatha’s busy packing, but she wanted to make sure we’re going to have time to practice and play together before we perform on stage together, right?”

“Oh, yes. Practices will start as soon as everyone else arrives.” Billy paused abruptly, and I waited, giving him a chance to say whatever he was trying to before I hung up. He didn’t speak.

“Okay, cool. I guess that’s all. See you soon. Oh, also when do we need to be at the hotel?”

“A car is coming to pick you two up in two hours. Their flights should all be arriving soon, so they won’t be far behind you.”

I groped around with my free hand until my fingers wrapped around the drumstick. I tapped the stick against my thigh. “Cool. See you soon.”

“Agatha?” I rolled off the bed and headed into the hallway.

“Kitchen!”

I frowned. “What do you need in the kitchen?”

“I don’t know. I’m double checking.” She laughed and I heard a few loud noises and hurried to see if she needed help.

____

This was supposed to be a one shot. But there might be more later. I had to stop here for today, but I wanted to still post. Thank you for reading.

[copperbadge]

A newsletter has a regular feature going down the list of Notable Sandwiches on Wikipedia. This week's is the hot dog. The writer emailed 30 professors. I commend everyone for the well-thought-out answers, especially the grad student who produced graphs. buttondown(.)email/theswordandthesandwich/archive/notable-sandwiches-89-hot-dog/

What a fun feature overall! I haven't reviewed the entirety of the Hot Dog Document yet, but I feel like now I want to do a bunch of back reading, too. I like reading about sandwiches, even if I'm fairly picky when it comes to them myself.

I will say, and perhaps this is populist of me or perhaps it's even more ivory tower than the academics, but as we all know I have a longstanding solution to all of this "is a hot dog a sandwich" nonsense, which is this:

"Sandwich" is not a noun. It is an adjective.

I don't mean that literally, like I haven't found some weird archaic dictionary that tells us so, but "sandwich" as a word is not used as a noun but rather as a descriptor of a thing, ergo, adjective. An object is a sandwich if you must apply "sandwich" to the end of the noun in order to properly identify it. It's like how many different kinds of dogs can be "brindle" but that is not a breed of dog and doesn't stand on its own as a classification.

Now, I have no objection to anyone saying "a hot dog sandwich" because that's simply a redundancy and if they wish to, that's their prerogative; it sounds fun and old timey, like saying "a hamburger steak". But we need not classify a hot dog as a sandwich simply because you don't need to say "hot dog sandwich" for the person you're speaking with in order to make yourself understood. Much as you would not generally say "Italian beef sandwich" even when speaking to someone who might not know what an italian beef is. You say "an italian beef" and then elucidate.

There is a possible exception to the rule, which is the Grilled Cheese Sandwich, commonly referred to as simply a Grilled Cheese despite taking a very sandwich-like form, but there are three arguments one can make regarding this:

It SHOULD be called a Grilled Cheese Sandwich to distinguish it from Halloumi

It is technically a "melt" which like a hamburger is distinct from a sandwich (ie, a Tuna Melt or Patty Melt) in the classification of "sandwich-like objects that need not be called a sandwich"

The grilled cheese is the exception that proves the rule and this is right and just, because grilled cheese sandwiches are the best and should be considered special.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk; I will not be taking questions at this time.

[hindahoney]

I get a lot of questions about keeping kosher, and I've answered many questions about how to start, tips & tricks, etc, but I've never really discussed shabbat observance. So, if you're someone who is looking to introduce some more observances into your life and keeping some form of shabbat interests you, here's some advice from my own experiences of being a baal teshuva. If anyone wants to add things, feel free.

Obligatory I'm not a rabbi, this is just my experience and things I've picked up from trying to be more observant, and I highly advise speaking to a Rabbi before starting.

First, keeping Shabbat should ideally be a pleasant and relieving experience, not a chore or a burden. Shabbat is truly a gift, and I wish for every Jew that they are able to experience even a little bit of her beauty and serenity in their lives. Shabbat is a wonderful opportunity to elevate a day of the week, and spend it doing things you otherwise would feel you have little to no time for during the other busy days. It is a reminder of what's important: enjoying our lives where they are, being thankful for what we have, and spending it with those that we love. It's an opportunity to be reminded that we don't just exist to work, we are human beings who are here for a short time, and we deserve one day of peace and rest.

That being said, do not attempt every law all at once. You will inevitably get frustrated and quit. Many people who keep shabbat have done it their entire lives, so it's like second nature to them. Don't compare yourself to their level of observance if you're just starting out. I think you should also educate yourself on each of the laws of Shabbat, where they come from and why we observe them.

Start small by eliminating things one by one and lighting candles with the prayer. If you don't have it memorized, there is no shame in writing it down to have it in front of you (If you have a friend who is also interested in increasing their observance, you could go through these things together, or just invite people over for a meal!) You could start the first week by not checking emails, the next by not checking social media or texts, and slowly work your way up to not using your phone. Be sure to inform your friends, family, and if possible your work, that you will be unavailable for this day. Ditching a social media addiction is hard, it's hard to wean yourself off of constantly scrolling looking for a distraction, but it's also freeing to be able to take control again and set boundaries for yourself of when you'll be available to people and when you won't.

In addition to eliminating things, you should add activities that make you feel relaxed and happy. Focusing on your hobby or starting a new one, reading a book or the weekly parsha. Learn some shabbat songs or prayers. While I'm baking challah and preparing for the meal, I like to set the mood by having a playlist on the TV of shabbat songs. I also like to write in a journal before shabbat setting an intention for what I want to accomplish or get out of this week's observance, and once Shabbat is over I will write about what I managed to do, what I didn't manage to do, and ideas for how to make it better in the future.

Also, put tape on your light switches once you feel ready to not use electricity!! It is such a mindless thing that we do, you will turn them on and off unintentionally. Don't forget to do this on the inside of your fridge as well. It may be wise to invest in a shabbat lamp or shabbat counter-top food warmer, or timers for your light switches to avoid some problems in the future. Also, pre-tear toilet paper and paper towels or get a box of tissues, and prepare some food for the next day that doesn't need to be re-heated. It also isn't a bad idea to put a playlist on of shows or youtube videos you've been meaning to watch and keeping it running from before Shabbat, if you want that before you can eliminate it altogether.

I also advise doing something this day of the week that you don't do any other day of the week, to make it feel more special. It could be something small, like using a different tablecloth or your "special" cutlery/dishes, or giving tzedakah. Just something to make it unique from the other days.

Finally, I want to reiterate that you need to be patient with yourself. You will mess things up. You cannot "fail" at Shabbat. If you mess up, don't say "Well, I already did something wrong, I might as well not finish this week's and I'll just do it again next week." Stick with it, even if you mess up. Again, if anyone has tips for others looking to be more observant, feel free to leave them here!

[chericos]

Y/n's lifestyle guide: how to be a heartbreaker

This girl wakes up at 6:30 a.m. on the dot. every. single. day. without fail. It gives her time to plan the rest of her day and properly relax before she answers emails and calls and whatever the hell goes on in that crazy house.

The skincare routine is EXTENSIVE. Shelves upon shelves lined up with creams, serums, and toners. She has enough of everything to last her a lifetime.

CLOSET:

TOPS!— y/n's style is so inconsistent. She likes what she likes, and buys what she wants. All she knows is that her clothes have to be hot and able to break hearts. It's not her fault she was blessed with a great pair of tits, why not flaunt 'em while you have 'em?

BOTTOMS!— booty shorts, mini skirts, and lots and LOTS OF DENIM. she loves a good pair of jeans. when you see her enter a thrift store, just know she's leaving with at LEAST 10 new pairs. will definitely fight you for the last good skirt on the rack.

OUTWEAR!— you can never go wrong with fur and leather. this girl LOVES to layer, a jacket for every season and occasion. and yes, of course, it's all real. what do you take her for?

SHOES!— heels GALORE! a whole section of her closet is dedicated to her shoe collection and she takes it very seriously. thousands of dollars just on the bottom of her feet and she flaunts them with pride. she also loves her boots, ankle, knee, thigh? doesn't matter, she'll wear 'em. and I mean, you can't drive in heels (although she'd love to prove otherwise) so she has her fair share of adidas and new balances in the mix.

ACCESSORIES!— when you win every race cash can pile up quick, so what better way to blow it all off on a bag collection! this girl LOVES her purses, her favorite brands consist of Miu Miu, Prada, Burberry, and Dior.

ROOM!— comfort, but what’s comfort without style? pink, animal prints and glitter are the way to win this girl's heart! posters of artists and brands fill the walls. plants in the corner that may or may not be dead. and a bed with enough pillows for a family of 6.

GARAGE!— her cars and motorcycles are her life! her babies! every week she's in the garage for HOURS fine-tuning them to perfection. playlist blasting loud enough to be heard down the block but no matter how many noise complaints she gets she never seems to turn it down.

HOUSE!— her (atp everyone's cause they never leave) house is THE spot. its common knowledge that girls weekend is at her house on the third Friday of each month, the house is decorated based on the theme of whatever they're watching that night. and when she does something, she goes BIG! (one year, near Halloween, she hired scarers to sneak up on the girls as they walked down the pathway. let's just say maki was not one to be played with. never hired anyone after that.) close friends each have their own designated room and she stocks up on products that each of them love. limp balm? check your vanity drawer. Pads? hair products? underneath your bathroom sink. she has eyes like a hawk, she'll know what you use religiously and always have it available.

masterlist.

@ CHERICOS all rights reserved do not repost, edit, copy, translate or plagiarise my works

[paradoxmimzy]

Shapeshifter HRT

Day -394

I go in to the doctor. Doctor T.H. Arian. The name is a little suspicious but his treatment of my wife has been favorable.

"I thought about this for a long time doctor. I want to be a shapeshifter."

His face gets serious. "Do you know how many people that come in here and ask for that? What do you really want to be? We do offer polytherian treatments if you just can't decide between a few."

So I list them. Every single one. Cat, dog, fox, mouse, snake, bird, hermit crab, angel, devil, elf, vampire, unicorn, hamster, ferret… and others… forms that don't have names but I describe their anatomy in great, sickening, detail.

"If I tried to go through all of them one at a time it would be too complicated. Too much for me to keep track of and what happens if I want to change into something I haven't listed yet? Please doc, if I had to be one thing it would be a shapeshifter."

He removes his glasses and sighs.

"There is a treatment for it." He says.

I can't contain my squeaks of excitement.

"But." He cuts me off. "The substance I'm using is a lot more controlled. I can guarantee the things that it will do to your body will be worse than what your wife went through."

"I still want it… If you got anything that basically makes me like Venom that would be ideal."

"Will you be changing into anything mechanical or robotic?"

"Probably not."

"Okay. I will put in the request now, but do not hold your breath. A government agent will eventually contact you and mail you the paperwork that you need to fill out."

- Day -96

6:21 in the morning. My phone was ringing and with my wife still asleep I answered it.

"Hello this is Officer Mitchell. I am here with Agent Duress. We're here to ask you some questions about this… medication you are requesting?"

My local sheriff, with some guy from the government. Great.

"Yeah I made a request sometime last year and hadn't heard anything."

"Yes, well. There had been some policy changes 150 days ago about the substance you're requesting. Everyone who filed a report had to do so again."

"And I'm just hearing about this now??"

"Your doctor had been informed about it two weeks ago and resubmitted all files that needed to be submitted. He requested we handle this urgently so that is what we're doing, ma'am."

"I'm not a ma'am. Please use Sir if you can."

"With all due respect, ma'am. You take this medicine it's going to turn you into something that I don't even want to think about. Gender ain't gonna mean much to a freak like you."

"I can still use whatever damn pronouns I want."

"Okay, okay. No need to be so sensitive about it. I just gotta sign this thing that says I'll keep an extra eye out for you if you decide to start doing crimes."

"Oh my god."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to be everything all these stupid fucking things. Ferret, angel, hermit crab? Really? If any crimes are done from species in any of these lists you're gonna be on the suspect board by default."

"Fine. I'll consent to it."

"Alright, good. Next is understanding the exact risk of this substance. Has your next of kin been notified?"

"My wife is fully aware yes."

"Your parents, darling. I'm asking about your parents."

"Dad died 3 years ago and mom's never had custody of me. I am nearly 30 fucking years old, why are you asking about my fucking parents?"

"Standard procedure. Normally we have underage people asking for this stuff. So what age would you say you were dysphoric as a… 'Mono-formic being.'" He sounded out each word bitterly.

And so the questions went on and on and on and on and on. Until finally a voice different from the sheriff's came in.

"Thank you for your time. It will be under consideration."

And then it hung up.

"Ugggghhhh." I groan to myself.

"If you wanna go to the diner I could search for a shirt that fits me now." My cow wife says.

"It's fine. I'll just hang out on the internet. All I can do is fucking wait after all. From email or carrier pigeon I guess!!"

"Too loud."

"Sorry. I'm just mad."

"Do you think they hire pigeon therians into the government to carry messages?" She asks,

"Derpy Hooves is definitely a pigeon therian." I reply back,

"So true OP…" She yawns and slips back into sleep.

- Day 0

It was a text message. It was ready at the pharmacy and all I needed to do was go pick it up like any other medicine.

Doctor T.H. Arian gave me information on how to apply it and what to expect for the low dose they start me on.

He was very insistent I record my emotional state through this and that he would be prepared to stop the treatment if it made me 'worse.' Though he refused to define what worse was.

The medicine itself was just a little black goo in a bottle. I had been informed that it could be applied just on my skin, but that carried a risk to my partner and her own HRT procedures. So I opted for injection instead.

[jeyramarie]

Buzzcut- Florence Pugh x Reader

summary: You're still trying to get used to the buzzcut..

warnings: cursing, fluff, slight smut?

a/n: still not over this, i- i thought fans were delusional but they were right.. i- i mean i love it.. i love it😭 i love her forever and ever, she slays everything 🫶

ik i have disappeared, i’ve had a bit of a writing funk but hopefully this tiny fic gives me inspo to finish the rest of my work! i love y’all 🫶 happy reading 🦋

It was the night before the MET Gala. The night Flo and I were going to make our debut. The first time our relationship would see the public eye. My anxiety was raging, I was just nervous about people’s thoughts of us. People’s thoughts on my dress or my hair or just us together.

But Florence always seemed to calm me down. There was something about her that just by being next to her, my breathing calmed, and my chest would stop hurting. She just has that power over me. It was also Flo’s buzzcut debut, which was very, very interesting.

I was waiting for Flo at the hotel room as she finished her fitting for tomorrow. My gown was tailored to perfect in the morning before I had to lock myself in the room to answer many, many work emails. The door clicked opened and without turning around, I already knew it was her.

"Hey, baby, how was the fitting?" I asked before biting into my pen as I checked my grammar for the fourth time.

"It went very well." She replied, making her way towards me before she placed her hands on my shoulder. "I thought you were going to be away from the computer once I got back."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." I whined, throwing my head back to see a pair of beautiful green eyes. "One of my doctor's sent me a very lengthy email about my nurses and I got pissed."

"What did he say?"

"Oh, just some complete bullshit." I groaned, sitting back up as Florence walked around to sit on my lap. "Saying that the things they suggest is wrong and that they shouldn't be involved in any of the things he does... it's just bullshit, truly."

"He does not seem to consider that you are a nurse as well and you're the hospital director."

"He's always been an asshole, honestly." I chuckled, rubbing my hand on her thigh as I stared up at her.

She has been rocking the shaved head for a few weeks and it has been interesting to see her explore it. I always support her in everything she does but this was one thing I was neutral about at first. I didn't really know how to react when she walked into the bedroom one night with a hairless head.

"You think people will like it?" Flo whispered.

"They will, I assure you." I nodded.

"I mean this is a whole new hair transformation, you know?" She said, rubbing her head. "The pixie cut for A Good Person was one thing but this is different."

"Well, as long as you like it, it doesn't matter what other people think." I reply, lifting her hand to peck her knuckles.

"What do you think?" She whispered, playing with my necklace.

"I love it." I said, instantly. "I do miss the hair though... I don't have anything to pull on now."

"Oh my god." Florence laughed, burying her head into my neck. "You're so cheeky."

"You loved it." I muttered and smirked, looking at her lips and back at her eyes.

"Well, you don't have anything to pull on, but you can still slap my ass..." She whispered and bit her lip as I felt my core tingling.

"Thankfully I love doing that too." I replied and she chuckled as I placed my hand at the back of her head, pulling her to me to connect our lips.

Florence moved her legs to straddle my lap as my hands traveled down her back to her ass, giving it a hard squeeze causing her to whimper into the kiss. I moved forward and stood up, moving my hands under her thighs as I quickly turned to the bed, letting her fall.

I step away, pulling my shirt off before unbuttoning Florence’s jeans to pull them down. Our lips connected once again, our tongues fighting for dominance as the both of us yearned to be in control.

People would think that the lack of hair in your female partner would be a problem but to me it wasn’t. Florence with a buzzcut definitely made me melt. Every. Single. Time.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

okayokayokay you asked for asks so i'm asking (i'm hoping these aren't things you've already answered, and for like a dissertation back because i love reading all your thoughts)

i think s7 really suffered from inconsistent writing (and a plot that wasn't cohesive at all, esp because it's an ensemble cast) do you think s8 will do better? i'm really hoping it does.

i miss shenanigans. like s7 definitely had some but i think the season was so short and a little all over the place, i feel like we deserve some hijinks (esp because of gerrard being back)

if you had like an ideal disaster arc that led to buddie getting together (i'm thinking shooting 2.0) what would it be?

also i love carlo's song

I LOVE ALL OF THIS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. Unrelated but I'm currently feeling SO pissed off because I tried to long onto my childhood email account for nostalgia fun and THEY DELETED ALL MY OLD EMAILS.

I love to hear that people like to hear me talk, especially about 9-1-1, so THANK YOU ALSO!!! I really love your questions, and never worry about if I've answered them before because I will always answer again AND I actually have no memory of anything I say ever, so I will probably think it's a new thing every time.

Yesss so I think with S7 the writing was rushed and the filming was rushed due to strikes and stuff, and the new network, like it was all fresh and new and chaotic. They knew the things they had to hit (cruise ship, Madney wedding) and they hit those well. But in between it didn't flow very well, because they shifted things around. I think the issue started with the Bachelor (not party) crossover in 704. They had to swap over different storylines to make room, they ended up deleting an entire scene they had films and that we had stills for (which I think was someone up high somewhere which COULD HAVE BEEN A VERTIGO REFERENCE???). So yeah. Things went downhill a bit because while individual storylines were interesting, people were kept fairly separate and there weren't even really any team scenes where they all discussed things (because they weren't sure which order they'd do, they can't have Buck and Eddie slightly annoyed at each other in the background of a Hen and Chim scene bc they might swap the storylines between episodes the week before the episode airs).

And to make up for the lack of fluidity, they had the medal ceremony. Which just didn't really hit, maybe because we'd seen so many stills that we didn't get scenes of, and because yeah, it wasn't very fluid so bigger scenes felt kind of off? It must be so fucking hard for the actors to be making decisions for scenes when they don't know which order it's going to have been in.

I also think they slowed down after they found out about season 8, and they've already started writing, and I think the fact they have more time to film and more actual episodes will mean it's more fluid.

I do find it so interesting though how the fact that they only had 10 episodes and essentially still tried to fit 18 episodes of plot into that, tied with them knowing there may be new viewers and having to reintroduce characters and dynamics, they reduced relationships right down to what they are prioritising that the viewers see. So we have Bathena and Bobby grappling with his past, so the audience knows Bobby's past, and we have Hen and Chim and how their families are linked and their own family dynamics, we have Maddie's past and the Madney and Henren families, and we have Buck and Eddie, so massively and messily interlinked this season.

We barely saw Buck with Maddie, HIS OWN SISTER, this season, and their only scene just the two of them was not really about Maddie at all, it was about Buck and his life and also his relationship with Eddie. So yeah, they really really focused on highlighting the key dynamics they wanted us to see this season. Which is very interesting. I just wish they had done it more fluidly, but oh well.

I am really hopeful for next season and the writing, and I am also FUCKING STRESSED EVER SINCE TIM MINEAR SAID HE DOESN'T LIKE TO PLAN THINGS... WE CARE ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS A LOT... PLEASE PLAN THINGS!!!!!

But yeah, they never had time for filler episodes this season, the episodes where little happened (one could argue 705, 707, 709ish) weren't really filler episodes, they were more episodes that were having to tie up loose ends from the last and establish the next episode. If that makes sense? I also think they just decided this season that they didn't really have much time for firefighting? Which idk, it's disappointing, but yeah, they actually did not have much time and people remember the personal things more????

ANYWAY I AM SO HOPEFUL FOR NEXT SEASON AND I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE? but also I really enjoyed writing it anyway!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND ME ASKS ALWAYS!!! THEY BRING ME MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF JOY!!!! And yes Carlos song is fucking incredible I am so excited I am going back to the place I first heard it next week!!!!!

Have a beautiful day if possible, and I love you all and I think you are doing amazing!!!!!! REMEMBER TO EAT AND DRINK AND SLEEP AND SUCH!! and also do something fun, like if you have nice food then just eat it, you don't have to justify it to yourself I'm literally telling you to! Trust your instincts especially if they're positive ones!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just rambling now, my phone is on 5% we shall see how long it lasts!!

[bdafic]

How have you been?

I appreciate this -- it's very kind to ask. I'm putting the answer under a cut because it's an honest one, and I get that not everyone is comfy reading about more serious medical/health stuff.

Not great!

Some years back, I suffered a pretty significant brain hemorrhage that resulted in permanent damage. I had a smaller one about a year ago, and possibly another in the summer. This is all due to a genetic condition.

I made a good recovery, but part of that was (is) accepting that I will never go back to being the person I was. And that really fucking sucks. Among other things, my short-term memory, speaking, word-finding, reading, and short-term memory are all severely impacted. I am bursting with the desire to create, but much of the time it feels like my hands are bound and my mouth taped shut. Writing is something I was always pretty good at -- I've been doing it since childhood -- and it's demoralizing to see it ripped away so easily.

I would love to be more connected to fandom spaces, but it's hard to feel comfortable talking to people. It's embarrassing to repeat myself, forget shit, talk too much, mix up words, say things the wrong way... People on the internet are not known for extending grace and patience. What I miss the most is being able to read tons of other works and leave comments. Nowadays I have to use a voice reader, take notes, frequent breaks, constantly restart chapters, and potentially wait ages for another 'good' day. I genuinely get a lot of joy out of uplifting others, but it's deeply uncomfortable to do all of that and then spend the next week worrying that I still managed to mess it up somehow. I was already weird and autistic before any of this and let me tell you brain damage has not improved things!

Currently, I am awaiting surgery for a different thing relating to the same genetic condition. My body is not digesting food, and it causes a lot of pain. As a bonus, malnutrition also messes with your brain function. This, too, sucks.

(For the record, my wife has instructions on how to update this account if anything more permanent were to happen to me).

I think about my writing almost every day. I try to pick at my drafts whenever I can make my words work. It's cliché, but every time I get a comment or someone like you comes by and asks me a question, it feels very revitalizing. It tells me I was once capable of creating something that someone else thought was kinda neat. Maybe I still am. I'm fairly unknown in this fandom and very rarely get asks or a bunch of comments or anything, so every time an AO3 email comes in it is a genuinely wonderful surprise. The one perk of brain damage is that I may forget to archive the email and then get to experience that wonderful surprise several times over!

(If I have ever replied to a comment twice: I'm very sorry. I will do it again).

I hope this does not discourage anyone from leaving one, because I regularly go back and re-read them. They mean a lot to me, especially right now. I don't have anyone to talk to about Dragon Age and fic, and I am not comfortable with the people in my life knowing how many hundreds of hours I have spent thinking about elves having sex, so it's really nice to live in a world where I can gush with someone else for a moment.

Thanks for taking the time to ask.

[punks-never-die205]

Hey 😊, thanks alot. I really enjoy reading your answers. They're so much fun. 🥰😁 A very different question: would you tell us sth about yourself? I mean your age, your profession (are you a professional writer would interest me) for example and how you get to like the Kid Pirates so much. 😊

Awww how sweet, sure anon - I’m pretty open about my age on my main blog, which is linked in the pinned post for this, so I don’t mind sharing some stuff.

I am an Ancient Internet Being - I was a netizen in 1993, when my dad got a home computer for me for Christmas. AOL was the new big deal, and yeah. It was a time.

Anyway, I was 12 then and I’m 42 now - gonna have a big birthday request bash again this year on the main blog to celebrate hitting 43 this July. (I celebrate my age without shame because “old” is a privilege and I look forward to actually getting there in 20 years)

By day I’m a mild-mannered pun slinging tech liaison of sorts for my team. I do a lot of translating between IT and Business, and I do some tech work too. I have down time at work cause when things compile or meetings stall out there’s not much else to do.

I’m a rock star though, by my boss’ own admission, so I have the great luck of not being stressed and being able to write a bit during work.

I was once a professional writer, but that was… not my best time, honestly. I’m not cut out for it xD I’d rather write fanfic honestly, or do a re-write of my OG story and have it be what I wanted.

Fun fact, I guess, I don’t have a degree of any kind. I was working toward a criminal psychology degree out of high school, dropped out, worked, went back to college to get an IT degree - ended up with cancer, withdrew and spent all my college savings money on surgery instead of school and ended up finding a solid job.

Went back to college a THIRD time, had a 4.0, was rocking being on the dean’s list and then work changed our hours, and I had to withdraw again. (I had 12 credit hours and was working 56 hours a week - don’t do that. It’s fucking nuts.)

Just wasn’t in the cards.

I almost got denied a job because the hiring manager thought no degree meant I wouldn’t be able to compose emails, despite two published books….

But things are good now \o/

Oh! And the Eustass Kid - ah I got into OP April 2022 (my return to fan fic was October 2022 \o/ ) and fell in love with the entire show. My focus moved from Luffy to Zoro to Law at Shabody.

Sir Crocodile coming back in at Marineford got my full and undivided attention, but then I read a reader insert story with Kid in it. Went back and rewatched scenes for him and really paid attention and was hooked.

I loved everything alluded to about him, the personality, the view point he had. Post time skip he bulked out and that voice just grabbed me by the throat.

I couldn’t ignore him xD

Marco, Kid, Crocodile we’re pretty much it, but I love writing so many characters 😄 hell I have like 8 sideblogs to keep all the stories organized.

Kid is a beast of a character though, and I love him, and then I met people because of that and that love grew. Seriously Check out @swampstew - she’s passionate about the crew even more than me and I love what she writes.

@wyvernslovecake has an amazingly cute OC for the crew and lots of stuff about them.

I could list a dozen more, but you asked about me so I’ll reign it in for now. 🥰