#what do you mean neglected knitting blog

[unfinishedsweaters]

It’s really nice when a handspun yarn has a nice consistent color contrast stripe that lines up well with your lace row.

[daylighteclipsed]

I'm not sure how much of an unpopular opinion this is (if at all) but it's so tiresome when I see a good majority of people wishing the Destiny *trio* to be the very best of friends. I don't think they've ever been on the same level as the rest of the trios. Sora really was/is the glue holding the three of them together and I've always found R+K interactions surface-level at best. Drifting apart doesn't mean they don't still care for each other and you shouldn’t have to force that relationship.

Before I respond to your comment, may I interest you in a few posts I’ve already written on the subject? x ⭐️ x ⭐️ x ⭐️

I think it IS an unpopular opinion. However, most of the blogs I follow share this opinion with me, so you’re in the right place lmao

I feel like a lot of older fans know or sense the Destiny “trio” is different from the other trios — like, they pick up on something — but they don’t want to accept it.

Because it hurts, right? It hurts if you grew up with these characters, if you spent years between game releases growing attached to what this friendship could be… only to have each new game move further away from that dream.

I started this series as an adult, with everything through MoM released, so I didn’t experience that… I picked up on a sense of division right away and felt as every game and trio introduced thereafter reinforced it… I realized I’m not supposed to expect Sora, Riku, and Kairi to be like the other trios. That’s not the story being told here.

And that’s not to say I’m not interested in their dynamic. I really am, especially from Kairi’s point of view. But it’s not as tight-knit bffs. I’m interested in the conflict canon suggests, the growing distance between people who hung out every day as kids. And in the case of Kairi and Riku, friends who seem to have always had mixed feelings about each other, who don’t really know how to talk to each other without their mutual bestie (Sora) around. That’s interesting, especially in a series about the power of friendship.

Sora being so big on friendship but failing to nurture his friendship with Kairi to the point where he has to build a new path to her heart is interesting — and also arguably parallels how Sora’s relationship with Riku deteriorates earlier in the series; Riku and Kairi kinda swap places as the “neglected” friend, but they also both fail to reach out to Sora and let him know how they’re feeling. (And because I associate Kairi with childhood/the past and Riku with adulthood/the future, it’s really interesting how Sora moves away from Kairi/childhood and closer to Riku/adulthood as the series progresses.) Kairi being so afraid of change and the one consistently left out of the action so she doesn’t quite grasp or refuses to accept how much Sora and Riku have changed without her. Kairi being quietly jealous of how Riku is the center of Sora’s attention. Riku being quietly jealous of Kairi as he believes she is the object of Sora’s affections. Riku and Kairi not wanting to be close friends again, if they ever really were, but still caring about each other… There are a lot of old friends I would drop anything to help, but that doesn’t mean I want to be their best friend again.

And that’s the thing. When people talk about wanting the Destiny kids to be close outside of fanon, they ignore that the characters — at least Riku and Kairi — do not act like they want to be close. There’s really nothing in recent canon that indicates they want to be best friends beyond Kairi’s general fear of change — and even that is kind of generous. There’s no concrete proof that Riku is really part of that, that she really misses him (as opposed to a period of time he was there for), not like Kairi writing letters she doesn’t send to the Sora of her memories in KH3, for example.

The Destiny kids not all being close doesn’t spark those warm, fuzzy feelings that the other trios do, but at this point it’s much more believable than if they were to act like bffs. Fanon is fanon. People are gonna do what they want. But when it comes to canon, I’m with you, that friendship shouldn’t be forced. Without some really solid development, it would feel painfully artificial and bastardize the last two decades of writing.

[forever-rogue]

Ooh a request?! Delightful. List 1-45 & 79, Javier Peña. Fem!reader with curves if possible? :) thx for an amazing blog! A friend of mine got me HOOKED on your stories. ❤️❤️❤️

45. "Everyone keeps telling me you're the bad guy."

79. "I can't get you out of my head."

Enjoy!

Javier Peña x Fem!Reader ; warnings: language, smoking, drinking, mild smut (18+ only)

Javier Masterlist 

»»————-　♡　————-««

“You must be Javier Peña,” you stuck your hand out and held confidently and waited for the man in question to shake it. Instead, he looked at it almost as if it offended him, placing his own hands on his hips as he cocked his head to the side in order to study you. When you realized that he wasn’t going to shake it, you pulled back and scoffed lightly, “or not.”

“Who are you?” his brows knitted together as he stool a quick glance over at Van Ness and Fiestl, who immediately looked away, pretending they hadn’t witnessed the interaction. Whatever this was, they knew exactly what this was going on and had neglected to keep him in the loop, “why are you here?”

“Why are you such an asshole?” you tilted your own head to the side and offered him a wickedly sweet smile. Javier’s expression flickered for just a moment before he just shook his head and pointed at the door.

“See yourself out, kid,” he huffed before turning back to his desk to settle in for the afternoon, “I’m too busy to waste time on things like this. I’ve got things to do.”

“Like what?” you refused to back down and be bossed around by a man that refused to even shake your hand. Javier huffed as he sat down and lit up a cigarette, frowning when he saw you take a seat opposite him. 

“Like catching bad guys,” he scowled, and despite the annoyed expression on his face, he still managed to be one of the most handsome men that you’d ever encountered. It wasn’t fair that he could be this much of an asshole, and be gorgeous on top of it, “doing actual work.”

“Huh,” you crossed your legs and leaned forwards, noting the way his dark eyes scanned your form, “that’s funny, because everyone here keeps telling me you’re the bad guy. It's all about perspective, right?”

"And what's your take on all of this?" he was playing it cool, putting his feet on his desk as he smoked and watched you with a searing intensity.

"That's yet to be fully determined," you confessed, leaning back and playing at being just as relaxed as him. Your heart was thumping wildly around your ribcage as you sized him up and he did the same. You weren't about to just give in to him, "I know you helped bring down Escobar, that you're determined to do the same with Calí, that you've fucked your way through half of Colombia, and you're an asshole in every sense of the word. You haven't proven me wrong so far."

"Does that attitude get you far?" he took a particularly sharp drag of his cigarette before slowly exhaling.

"Its gotten me this far," you cocked your head to side and made tutted lightly, "if we're doing to work together, I'd appreciate a little respect."

"What do you mean?" and he laughed. The bastard had the audacity to laugh at you, "in your dreams, kid. This is a real job, and what are you doing? Playing pretend?"

"First of all," you resorted to pulling out a card from your purse and tossing it at him, "I'm from DEA in LA, and I've been working in Mexico. I look young, sure, but if you think you're going to disrespect me because of that, then you've got another thing coming. I'm here to help you finish this once and for all. You can take my help or I can go back to LA and watch you crash and burn. Its your call, Peña."

He pursed his lips as he looked over your card, surprised by your stubborn determination and also pleased by it. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you watched him, trying to anticipate any move he could make.

"Fine," he held your card between his fingers before crumbling it and tossing it into his trash can, "welcome to the team, junior agent. One fuck up and you're on the first plane back to LA."

"Deal."

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Fuck, fuck - Javi," his name was a rushed, reverent plea as your arms wrapped around his neck, "yes, right there!"

You could practically feel him smirking against your skin as he pressed kisses all over your neck and collarbones, making it a point to leave to nip at the delicate skin. He wanted to leave marks, wanted the world to know you were his. 

You were currently in his lap, on the couch in his apartment. You'd come over for dinner and a drink, telling him that you couldn't stay - shouldn't - but one thing had led to another and here you were. You were lost in him as he fucked the life out of you. 

Again. It was supposed to be a one time thing. Both of you had agreed. And...that had been months ago. One night had turned into two and then three and then...many more.

From reckless and clandestine affairs in his office or in the closets around the building, to an exclusive relationship, to...whatever this was. Neither of you had ever placed a real label on it, but it was something. Perhaps it didn't even need a label - you were just and he was yours. That was good enough for you.

"Feel so fucking good, Dulzura," he groaned as he reached down to rub gentle circles on your clit, causing you to mewl in his ear, "so perfect."

"Javier," you burrowed your face into his neck as your walls clenched around him, and he closed his eyes as he started to stutter in just thrusts, "so close. Please, baby…"

"Let go," his voice was low and dark in your arms as you felt the grip of your orgasm wash over you. His cock twitched as your walls hugged him and he soon followed as he slipped inside of you, your name falling from his lips like a prayer, "fuck."

"Javi," you couldn't help but laugh lightly as you carded a hand through his dark locks. Pulling back, you beamed at him before gently kissing his swollen lips, "I really had only intended to come for dinner and a drink."

"What happened?" He smiled as he brushed a few stray locks out of your face before kissing you slowly, deeply. He might not have been the best with words, but he always seemed to be able to convey his feelings with his actions. You shrugged innocently before slowly moving out of his lap, already missing the feeling of him inside you.

"I don't know…" you grabbed a cigarette from his pack on the table and lit it up as you laid back and watched him, "there's a certain DEA agent that can be very convincing. And he's handsome and charming, even if he's an asshole sometimes. But I can't get him out of my mind."

"Very funny, Dulzura," he stood up and pulled on his boxers as he drank in the sight of you in your naked, post coital bliss. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead before heading into the kitchen, "beer?"

"Ahh, that drink I was promised," you leaned your head back and watched as he opened the fridge with a smirk on his face as he shook his head, "at least you keep true to your word."

He laughed, warm hearty thing before coming back over and sitting down, lifting your legs up and placing them in his lap before handing you a bottle. Taking one last drag from your cigarette, you quickly stubbed it out before taking a drink from the beer. It wasn't anything special, just the cheap local kind, but somehow, enjoying a cold one with your lover made it that much better. 

"What?" you'd caught Javier staring at you several times, his brows knitted in his concentration as he aimlessly traced over your skin. Nudging him gently with your leg, you tried to capture his attention, "hey, Javi. What's wrong? You're thinking too loudly."

"Why are you here, kid?" there was an odd look of self doubt in his features as his eyes bore into yours. You set your bottle down before leaning up and moving so you could reposition yourself in his lap.

"Are you having second thoughts?" you took his bottle and set it next to your before taking his face in your hands, "Javier, you know why I'm here. You don't have to say it and I won't say it if you don't want me to."

"Its for cheap beer, huh?" he asked before you broke into a fit of giggles and peppered gentle kisses all over his face. He liked this, he'd realized some time ago, how gentle and soft you were, how you took time to make him feel good - feel loved. It was almost entirely foreign and at first the odd mixture of feelings had hit him like a truck and caused him to panic; but it soon quickly dawned on him what it was. While he was terrified, he didn't want to fight it. Not now, not with you.

"Yes, Javier Peña, its for the cheap beer," you whispered against his lips, "I-I love cheap beer. I'm in love with it."

And just like his mind meant reeling, and he felt a flush of warmth was over his entire being. But he looked back at you, with a fierce determination, his eyes still managing to be soft as they crinkled in the corners just the way you liked.

"I...I'm in love with it too," he whispered after a moments of saccharine bliss as you had continued to kiss him, scratching at his scalp just the way he liked, "fuck - I'm in love with you."

"Javier," you beamed at him, fighting off every worry, every fear with the smile that seemed to light up his soul, "too far. I was literally just talking about the beer."

"Fuck off," he laughed before wrapping his arms around your waist and standing up, causing to you to laugh. He started walking down the hall, taking care not to drop you, eagerly heading for his bedroom, as you held onto him for dear life but continued to kiss him.

"What are you up to?" you whispered in his ear just before he gently tossed you onto his bed. You crawled up towards the headboard, grinning at him as he tugged off his boxers again. 

"I was going to make love to you," he had a calm air about him before he moved to loom over your body, "but now I'm thinking you're too much of a brat for that."

"Why not both?" you teased as you pulled him down to your lips, "both is good."

"You'll be in this bed all night."

"And then you better get started."

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[faeflowerz]

Happy Birthday, Jade Leech! 🐬

Hoo boy. I'm a little mad because I don't have this year's card. I'm not going to give him any more of my money. I have better birthdays to celebrate. Like...my uncle...and...Alois Trancy. All better than him. Way better. Hmph.

Be sure to check out the other birthday posts I have and hit that RB so i know you enjoy my work! Reblogs are waaay better than likes. Follow my Twitter Fae_Flower if youre 18+. Same applies for here. I love to write and I wanna fill this blog with all kinds of content!

Jade Leech, you owe me for my time, money...and my heart.

Okay, so Jade is NOT my fav Octavinelle, but I've been put in a position where I have tsundere feelings for him. Barbatos (Obey Me) and Sebastian (Black Butler) also evoke this same reaction. For some reason, I am drawn to Jade's quiet creepiness. He's unnerving with how polite he is. He's always smiling, too calm, and perfectly intact. Underneath is a swiss army knife of skills and perception.

Now, his gift from Silver is not interesting in concept, but it is fascinating that his love for mountains and nature is stronger than I initially thought. He needed rope, but that's something anyone should know to use when out in the field. He's thrilled by Silver's practicality (which makes me think they both get along fine) and it's sweet that he loves it so much. Sometimes the best gifts are something you need right as you think about needing it.

It leads me to believe that Jade doesn't know much about on-land nature. Jade said he slipped when climbing. He's an embodiment of Ariel's curiosity for anthropology and botany. The enthusiasm he has for mountains and terrariums is endearing despite not being fully aware of how dangerous hiking and climbing are. I'm not sure if he was doing one of those faux rock climbing things or they have a small mountain to climb but either way, that can get dangerous if you don't have a partner or quality equipment.

Also, Jade and Silver should interact more. They are both pretty lowkey and chill and those are vibes I want in life.

I think that these cards revealed who is the older twin. Jade picked a big brother while Floyd chose a little brother. So Jade being younger is kind of cute.

Anyway, he picked Cater for his big brother and I think the reasoning is solid. Cater first of all is already the only boy in his family and the youngest. Having a little brother would mean that he'd have someone to be a role model for and set precedent for. Jade doesn't quite live in shadows, but he does absorb information through observation.

But it's what he says BEFORE his answer that I wanna zero in on. Jade doesn't believe he can count on Floyd. That's not to say that he doesn't love his brother, I'm sure he does. But considering Floyd's co-dependence, the roles are reversed. Jade has to take care of his older brother and it clearly frustrates him. His lines about Floyd are doting and exasperated while Floyd talks about wanting to be with him. He wants to learn and look up to someone and Floyd hasn't given him anything to admire too much.

Cater is energetic and social. He's pretty much different from Jade in a lot of ways. I think he's drawn to people who can navigate social interactions better than him, Floyd and even Azul. The three of them are introverted together and too close-knit to learn about other people.

Pomfiore is perfect for him. God. He'd look gorgeous in that uniform. He's graceful, stellar in potions, and just...beautiful. I don't need air, i dont need water, i need Jade Leech dressed like a Pome student. The cape would hide his bubble butt, but that's a sacrifice i'm willing to make. Those eyes with sharp eyeliner in tall boots make me want to die. I wish he was real. I want him to stalk me.

Im sorry i blacked out for a second. What was I saying? Oh, right.

For Jade, his biggest flaw (aside from his existence) is that he doesn't get enough attention. His energy is dedicated to his friends and family and as a result, he neglects to take care of himself and get a life. His labcoat story is a good example. He's glad someone liked his mushrooms and he doesn't really have anyone to talk about his special interests with. Jade is kind of lonely in that regard.

He doesn't rely on anyone but himself. Floyd relies on Jade. Azul relies on both tweels, but specifically Jade. He's got to take care of everything. In the magic robes story, he's gotta do shit not because his friends won't but because he wants it done his way. And as a result, he has to rely on himself to do it all. Unlike Trey, it's not his job title. Really, being a prefect isnt as intense as they all make it out to be, but some go harder than others.

So likd i said, i hate him. I love him. I wanna slap his cute smile right off his face.

Happy Birthday Jade Leech. 🐬

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

Decided to look into my personality types/astrology/numerology stuff again so I could come up with a few methods for self care.

My life path number is 4, my ennegram number is 4w5, I am an ENFP, and a Libra rising/Leo sun/Taurus Moon.

Here's what my research uncovered:

Life path number 4

🦢In numerology, 4 is the number of stability, like the four corners of a square, the four traditional elements, the four seasons, or the four wheels of a car. It is a practical, functional number, associated with practical, functional people.

🦢You have a strong sense of ethics, and are not willing to compromise them for much.

🦢It is important that those on Life Path 4 find ways to relax and open up, especially about their ideas.

🦢Find hobbies that make you feel productive, even when you’re not working. Knitting or sewing can be great because the results are instantly visible. Blogging is also a very popular pastime, since it keeps 4s mentally stimulated while also allowing them to reflect a bit on their lives. (Cackling over this one)

Ennegram 4(w5)

🦢Remind yourself of what’s real and what you can count on. Don’t minimize your feelings, but think about the reality of the situation while empathizing with yourself.

🦢Set up some positive routines that will create a more peaceful atmosphere in your home.

🦢Reserve an hour to draw, paint, write, or express yourself and emerge feeling refueled and reinspired.

🦢Use a gratitude journal to record small joys to counteract heavier emotions and to keep you present in the moment.

🦢Stay hydrated, take walks outside, and roll out your yoga mat for daily stretching and meditation. Try Tai chi! (This helped my anxiety in the past. I should start up my sunrise Tai chi routine again.)

🦢 Make your bed every morning. This can help with motivation for a Type 4 that tends to avoid “trivial” tasks.

🦢Do the thing you have been wanting to do.  Do it without the added pressure of it needing to be everything you ever envisioned.  Create the painting; write the book; start the business; audition for the role. 

🦢Find an external cause. Volunteer in your community. Serving others will help you see that beauty and fulfillment is not just found in pain.

ENFP (Myers Briggs)

🦢 Pick up that project you’ve been putting off, like assembling that piece or furniture or fixing your car.

🦢For ENFPs self-care often means taking care of the things they’ve neglected. (Gotta take out another loan for school, gotta practice for ballet, gotta send in my short stories to be published, etc)

🦢In order to be able to truly feel like themselves the ENFP needs to have some alone time, but also needs to experience something new with the people they love. Being around those who love and appreciate the ENFP is rewarding and fulfilling for them in many ways. They feed off of this positive energy and feel more like the best version of themselves once again.

Taurus ��

🦢Taurus Moons are deeply anchored in their bodies, so self-care will come in material or physical pleasures; think massages, hearty comfort food, and a great skincare ritual!

🦢Emotional self-care for this Earth sign means honoring that need for stability, and allowing themselves to adapt at their own pace.

🦢Set up the coziest lounge space you can imagine.

🦢Have your favorite comfort food delivered.

🦢Stream your favorite TV show, dive under the covers, and make sure your schedule is cleared for the rest of the day to relax sans responsibility.

🦢Try cooking up a nutritious meal, slipping into your silk pj’s, and incorporate a nourishing face serum as part of your evening ritual. Look for herbs like rose, thyme, and sage to ground you.

My own ideas:

🦢Take a trip to six flags.

🦢Go hiking around the little grand canyon.

🦢Try a new recipe.

🦢Deep clean my room.

🦢Make an updated spreadsheet of my values, morals and aspirations.

🦢Make a playlist for all my moods.

🦢Start my grimoire.

🦢Reread my favorite books from when I was younger: Judy Moody, Goosebumps (I didn't read these but did watch the movie and show), The Sisters Grimm, Magic Tree House, Dear America, My Sister is So Bossy She Says You Can't Read This Book, Gallagher girls, etc.

🦢Have a dance party by myself thrice a week.

🦢Start researching for my senior project.

🦢Work on editing my book.

🦢Self care day! Do my hair and nails, take myself out to a movie and then come home and have take out for dinner!

🦢Do a summer reading program like I did as a kid

🦢CREATE A TREEHOUSE/HIDEOUT SPOT IN THE BACKYARD

🦢Put up a tire swing in the backyard

🦢Work on my southern accent

🦢Write another play

🦢Try Polish food!

🦢Learn to sew!

🦢Press flowers

🦢Have a watch party with friends

🦢 Get braids!!

🦢Learn how to do really cool designs with friendship bracelets and sell them/buy a gumball machine and sell gum

🦢Practice dancing and singing

I'll add more to this list over the course of the summer. But I'm going to pin this post as a reminder for myself to choose one thing to work on a day and then post how everything went.

I'm super excited!!

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - A new pact

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 3 | Part 4 A new pact | Part 5 >

Disclaimer: some strong language

Author’s note: Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Enjoy another tooth achingly sweet fluff chapter my dear readers ❤️

Word count: 1.557

(Link to my Masterlist)

[ Alice.in.writing.land ]

Dear readers,

I’m pleased to inform you that I have passed the princess approval test. Teeth were brushed, laughter was about and she even made friends with a furry companion the size of an adult bear. All and all it was a lovely, sunny Sunday and I can’t wait to bring her along on my adventures of today, which will include.. sheep herding!

Now you may wonder why a news reporter would go sheep herding, but did you know that Jersey used to have its own, very unique Jersey sheep? Through some unfortunate neglect and misunderstanding these sheep went extinct and now their four or six-horned heads no longer graze about. But! As per usual, we humans found out a century or so later, that these sheep and their many horns were a blessing to keep the nature on the island healthy, and thus they were re-introduced. Albeit this time in the shape of a fewer horned, more human friendly Manx Loaghtan herd, whom we’ll be meeting today.

I cannot wait to see if my fellow Alice has a knack for befriending other furry creatures as well, so keep your horns and fingers crossed - we’re going on an adventure!

Ali

The jeep tumbled and shook as it drove over the bumpy country road, the habited world slowly coming back into view. A welcome view too, because we had a fun, but also truly exhausting day. Little Alice had drifted into a slumber, her small body leaning heavily into my chest as she clambered onto a pair of fresh wool socks she had received as her gift.

I could only imagine what she’d be dreaming of right now. Probably, it involved lots of chasing of and cuddling with sheep. I yawned and watched with blinking eyes as Maddie and Frank’s house finally came into view, the afternoon late when we finally arrived.

‘Thanks Jonny.’ I smiled at the friendly bearded man behind the steering wheel.

‘Sure thing Ali. It was fun having you two…’ He hesitated, seeing the toddler as she was still far away in dreamland. ‘..You know what. Let me help you out with that.’ He winked, quickly swinging open his door and moving to the other side of the jeep. I sighed a quiet thanks as he pulled open the door, effortlessly scooping up the small girl from my arms.

‘Up you go! Hello little Alice. Looks like you’re home!’ He cheered, putting the sleep muddled toddler on her legs. I slipped out of my seat and thanked him again, my arms swiftly lifting Alice back on my hip before she’d fall right asleep on the sidewalk.

‘Well have a good one! Looking forward to the article.’ Jonny said, brushing some of the toddler’s hair out of her face. A sweet gesture.

‘I’ll make sure to send you a copy. Good night Jonny.’ I waved him off and turned around, my eyes catching some movement a little distance away, at the opposite side of the street.

And not just any movement. It was a dumbstruck, frozen-in-place, Henry, his large blue eyes blinking at me. He was clearly confused, his eyes briefly slipping away from me to look at the truck as it drove off into the distance.

‘Hey!’ I waved, a bit unsure of what to do. I could only figure what he was thinking right now; a man, a kid?! That’s not really quite the image you had sketched the other day. Biting my bottom lip I quickly crossed the street, walking up to him, tired toddler snugly held onto my chest.

Henry remained quiet as his eyes now moved to the girl in my arms, her bright blue eyes giving him a studious glare.

‘Hey..’ I repeated, trying to grasp his attention, my smile a tad awkward as I pulled up the toddler a bit higher on my hip - she sure was getting heavy!

‘Hi.’ He swallowed, quickly hiding something behind his back.

‘You probably wonder what the heck is going on.’ I bit my lip, looking down at Alice, his response a mere nod of the head. ‘..Maddie, my friend, had to rush to the mainland to help out her mom, so I offered to help out and watch over her little princess.’

Alice looked up at me, her eyes sparkling with passion. ‘I’m no princess!’ She muttered. ‘I’m a sheep herder!’

Henry’s pensive face broke into a tender smile, watching the little girl as she snuggled back into my chest. ‘I see.’ He let out a quiet sigh. ‘Sorry..I didn’t mean to..bother you..I was just..-’

‘In the neighbourhood?’ I laughed, nodding at the house. ‘Come inside. I need to put this sheep herder down before I break my back.’

—

‘Alright. The sheep herding princess is..asleep!’ I cheered, plopping down on the couch next to Henry, our bellies filled with food and the evening young.

‘Good. I eh..wanted to show you something by the way...Here.’ Henry said, offering me a piece of paper, our fingertips touching as I took it from him, my nose immediately scrunching up when I noticed what it was.

The pact.

‘Oh. My. Word.’ I started laughing aloud, studying the hand drafted “contract”, both our names and signatures neatly placed at the bottom. ‘How old is this even?’ I gasped. ‘Pff..well..we were what..thirteen? Something like that? I just started senior school.’ ‘Dearness me. Oh, I actually saw your mom yesterday and she was being particularly vague; “You would never guess what Henry asked of me yesterday” she said, and then she added that you’d probably wish to show it yourself… Very..very mysterious.’

‘Well, I’m a mysterious man.’ Henry winked at me, reaching out for his glass of red wine and finishing the last sip.  

‘Hardly.’ I retorted, smiling. I watched him for a moment as he sat back in the soft couch, his large frame sporting a tight and comfy cable knit sweater. He looked so huggable. Ugh! What a teddybear of a man he was.

He raised a careful eyebrow, testing me. ‘Well, dear Ali, do indulge me.’  

‘You work crazy hard and live a crazy A-lister lifestyle. But all you really want..’ I pointed at the contract. ‘..is rainbow coloured dreams. And..’ I pointed at his finished glass of red wine, shrugging.  ‘..perhaps another glass of red wine.’

Our eyes met, our lips curled into masks of friendshiply banter, but the underlying tone clear. We had been sweethearts before. Many times actually, our paths having crossed in every stage throughout our lives. Sometimes just being tight knit friends. Sometimes more. Could we do it again?

‘I didn’t bring a rainbow coloured pen this time, though.’ Henry said, gesturing me to look at a paper that was hidden beneath the initial contract. I furrowed my brow and turned over the paper, finding a new contract.

A..a real marriage contract.

I blinked, studying the document, then looked over at Henry, my face stricken with confusion.

He smiled sweetly, reaching out his fingertips to caress my hand, the pads of his fingers callus and warm. ‘I know your previous lovers had some..commitment issues. So.’ He shrugged casually. ‘I just thought it better to show you I’m not one of them.’

‘Wh..’ My voice croaked, my throat suddenly very dry and my heart buzzing like a humming bird. ‘W-what?’

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!!

‘Well, we pinky swore, remember?’ He chuckled. ‘And..of course I’ll let you off if you do not want to give me a shot. But..’ He sighed, smiling. ‘..it sure is funny how we keep running back into one another, right?’

I finally managed to get some of my breath back, the contracts now lowered on my lap, my eyes studying him, face serious.

‘Really? Is this a joke Henry? Tell me this is a joke.’

‘Do I look like I’m joking?’ He asked, looking indeed quite..serious. I swallowed and put the papers on the table, right in between our wine glasses, the air so very thick in my lungs.

‘Hmm..’ I licked my lips, curious and slightly unsure eyes looking back at Henry. ‘I don’t really believe in fairytales Hen.’ I shook my head, my mind reeling. 

‘You don’t have to. I’m being real Ali. I am.’

‘A contract doesn’t suddenly make a relationship work, Hen. You should know that better than anyone.’ I shook my head, wanting all of this to make sense. Why me? Why now? Why here? Why, why, why?!

‘I’m not asking you to sign it. I’m just showing you the commitment you seek. I want it Ali, I do.’

My heart was near jumping out of my chest as his words floated through the quiet living room, an open fire crackling somewhere in the background. I blinked again, still quite dumbstruck.

This was going way too fast. When I had said that the clock was ticking I didn’t mean; come make babies with me right this instant. Right? Right?! The past few years our only contact had been through over seas phone calls and Whatsapp messages. Heck. We hadn’t even kissed since we reacquainted two days ago and sleeping together? I think we hadn’t done that in..what? Ten years? 

My eyes moved over him, his body folded into the corner of the couch, large chest leaning forward, eyes hopeful. He was obviously trying to keep a friendly distance, though the wish to move closer was clear. Move closer to..to…You sighed, eyes now moving towards his lips. Those sweet, full cupid bowed lips.

‘You better kiss me real good, Cavill.’ You whispered, looking back up into his eyes.

It was an invitation he didn’t need to be given twice.

--

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[putschki1969]

Happy New Year, Sarah! Here's hoping this year will be fulfilling for you! My question is only tangentially related to our three utahimes, but I'm interested in hearing your opinion on people who prefer one member over others in a group. Not really solo stans in the sense that they don't hate on the other members, but that they just vastly prefer to follow the work of one member alone and favour that one member. Do you think that there's a problem with that?

Hello there! And Happy New Year to you as well!! 🎊

Mhhhmmmm...this question is quite tricky...difficult to find the right answer.

In THEORY, I think it’s totally fine to have your favourites, everyone has different taste after all. I would be a hypocrite if I said anything else because I openly admit to being a huge Keiko-stan and I typically always focus on a single character/actor in TV shows or movies (while neglecting the others).

However, it is only fine AS LONG as your hardcore preference for one person does not lead to hate or disrespect with regard to everyone else.

Unfortunately I have noticed that for a MAJORITY of people these are two mutually exclusive things. Most fans who favour one member/character inevitably end up disliking the others because for some fucked up reason they feel the need to turn it all into a big fat competition. There is a strong component of jealousy. They will think their bias is more deserving of xyz and thus they will begrudge the others literally everything. It’s very toxic and it happens in every fandom where there is more than one person to stan. I find this sort of behaviour particularly repulsing when you are trying to pit members from an obviously tight-knit group against each other. Despite being able to tell that those people love and respect each other you as a fan decide to shit on that and make everything about your obsession with your fave. You choose to ignore that your bias would never actually tolerate such a mistreatment of the other members.

So yeah, in PRACTICE, I guess there is a problem with that because in 80% of all cases fans will not stop at “vastly preferring and following one member alone”, it’s never really this innocent. It’s like people cannot help but turn into crazy solo stans that hate on other members.

When it comes to Kalafina I obviously have my bias, Keiko, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love Wakana and Hikaru too. In fact, I have always tried my very best to give them all equal amounts of love and attention and I hope it comes across like that on my blog. I love Kalafina as a group of three extraordinarily gifted singers but I also admire them individually as the amazing women they are. I am 100% loyal to all three of them. Having said that, I cannot deny that their solo activities make it a lot harder to follow and support each member equally since most fans (myself included) naturally gravitate towards what they like most. I am not afraid to admit that I don’t particularly love a lot of the solo stuff they have done so far, it’s just not my cup of tea. However, I am still at a point where I am open to everything and just appreciate what they release because I know it’s coming from their heart, I am honestly just so curious to see what they come up with in the future, they are all insanely talented and creative so their stuff is bound to be good. And some of their releases have in fact been great and I absolutely loved them. I am aware it takes time to come into your own and develop a unique style so for the time being I will just wait and see. Music-wise I am currently drawn strongest to Wakana so you will notice me fangirling about her the most.

Last but not least, let it be known that I despise “fans” who gave up on Wakana for the mere fact that she stayed with Space Craft but that’s a whole other story...

[fedonciadale]

Are there any bnfs that you like or agree with on some things?

Hi there,

I am quite certain that there are some opinions I agree with. Some defend Sansa, some have realized that Dany will break bad etc. But actually I don’t care enough to remember who wrote sensible metas. Because in one way or another there is always a superior meta by a Jonsa or a Sansa fan (sry, not sry). In average the typical BNF is a Dany stan and/or a Sans@n shipper and/ or a rabid Arya stan and/or a Tywin apologist and I just tune that out.  In general, I just think that their approach that GRRM is gritty and realistic is just wrong. He subverts tropes that is true, but that does not mean that there is no meaning in his plots or just the meaning that the world is bleak and sad. This is not what ASOIAF is about.

What stucks in my mind are the really, really bad theories, the incredible stupid takes that will certainly bite them in the ass. But since I am not one for tittle -tattle I leave the names for that theories to personal conversations.

As for liking any of them? I don’t really know. I mean I don’t know any of them. Not really. So, I dislike some of the attitude, especially in regard to the Jonsa fandom. I mean there was a time, when emotions ran high during the hiatus, when metas were outright stolen from some of us and republished (without the obnoxious Jonsa obviously) or when metas written by Jonsas were just ignored because even if it wasn’t about Jonsa it could only be a bad, bad take by a delulu Jonsa shipper....  - This caused some of us to found a blog for metas written by Jonsas (@delulumeta which we all neglected somewhat after season 8), just so that theories by Jonsas would have a safe place.

I mean I don’t follow any of them, I blocked some of them and I am generally happy about it.

On the other hand, and just to be fair: They have been fans of ASOIAF for quite a long time, they have talked about it a lot, and after a while you are in a comfort zone with people you know and even if you don’t want to do it, you might seem to be not overly welcoming to new people, just because there is a certain code language and all these little things that knit a community together. I think this is a danger for any fandom space. So, some of their behaviour might not have been intentional.

As a white woman I don’t feel it is my place to say anything about racism coming into it, but I know that some woc have voiced their frustration, and as a woman I can say that sexism sometimes plays a role (even if it is more sloppy behaviour than intention - but that’s still sexism).

All in all, I don’t need a degree from the ASOIAF university.

Thanks for the ask!

[gentletwin]

rules: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.

muse: Lucas

BASICS

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? He skews a little toward the shorter side for his age, but he’s still young, so he’s got some growing left to do. He’s kind of at that awkward stage where the afab folks are growing a little faster, so they have an inch or two on him. But he’ll catch up!

▸ are they okay with their height? Generally, yeah, but don’t make fun of him for it.

▸ what’s their hair like? Thick, golden blond, and tends to stick out all over the place if not brushed and well-maintained. Likes to stand up. A lot.

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? He tries, because his mother would be on his case about it a lot when he was young. He doesn’t fuss over it too much, though. Usually a roller brush and sometimes his fingers do the job — it’s always done the standing-up part on its own without help from gel or anything like that.

▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? For the most part, yeah, though he’s also learned to brush certain things off. People called him a crybaby a lot growing up, and holy heck, that starts to get to you after it becomes a running joke for so many years. Though he’s also learned to rely on his own sense of self worth. He still wants people to like him, of course! But generally, as long as they’re not ill-intended, now he can take the crybaby jokes in good stride.

PREFERENCES

▸ indoors or outdoors? Outdoors! There’s sun and nature and people and animals!! 

▸ rain or sunshine? Sunshine! Rain is nice, too, since it makes for a nice relaxing day inside with some hot cocoa and Boney cuddles. But a day spent inside in the rain is a day that could have been spent outside in the sun.

▸ forest or beach? He loves both, but if he had to pick, the forest. It holds a lot of fond childhood memories. There was a period of time immediately after Hinawa’s death where being in the forest only reminded him of that tragedy, but he’s learned to not let that tarnish all of the positive memories associated with it. Plus, the Dragos are there, which is neat!

▸ precious metals or gems? Gems! Sparkly rock with interesting shapes. One time a Drago broke open a geode and he lost his heckin’ mind.

▸ flowers or perfumes? Flowers. Remind him of his mother.

▸ personality or appearance? Personality. Conventional beauty doesn’t mean much of anything to him. Lucas has met several people that may not be conventionally “pretty,” but he cherishes them for their personalities. Plus, they’re plenty beautiful in their own right, and a big part of that is their character!

▸ being alone or being in a crowd? It really depends, but for the most part, he would answer a crowd. He generally likes being around people, but doesn’t mind being alone when things get to be a little too chaotic. That being said, though, being alone for too long can be a damper on his mood.

▸ order or anarchy? Order, but not necessarily blindly following the rules. He was definitely raised in a “respect your elders,” “the adults have your best interest in mind” kind of society, but living through three years of Porky has taught him to think critically about authority.

▸ painful truths or white lies? This is pretty situational, but generally speaking, painful truths with a heaping spoonful of sugar. For instance, if a friend of his did something that he feels was wrong, he would be honest about it for the sake of helping his friend, but he’s very good at softening the blow if it’s something particularly painful. The goal is never to say, “this is the truth, that’s just how it is, even if it hurts.” If the situation calls for it, he’ll look for ways to make the truth easier to digest so that it helps instead of hurting.

▸ science or magic? Magic! He’s really bad at science, and brain energy go whrrr.

▸ peace or conflict? Peace. This boy is a pacifist, only engaging in conflict if it’s in self defense ( or, in the case of Smash tournaments, all in good fun ). Even if he’s mad, things will never turn violent unless the other person hits first. And even then, there would have to be some kind of serious danger before he’d strike back.

▸ night or day? Day. He’s usually out and about, and night can lend itself to some painful trains of thought sometimes.

▸ dusk or dawn? Dawn. He’s a morning person ( even if not as early to rise as his brother ), and will take the opportunity to watch the sun rise if it presents itself.

▸ warmth or cold? Warmth. He loves feeling the sun on his face, being bundled up in blankets, or just feeling the warmth of another person.

▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? A few close friends. Having lots of friends is great! But he likes to have a few close people that really know him and that he really knows.

▸ reading or playing a game? Playing a game, though that’s not to say he can’t enjoy a good book now and then! He likes being active and engaged, but a book is a good way to get the imagination going when he’s tired and would rather do something calmer.

QUESTIONNAIRE

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? Sometimes being overly cautious, thinking with his heart instead of his head, prioritizing others to the point of neglecting himself, can be emotional, but at the same time, will try and handle his emotions on his own when he fears they’ll be burdensome to others.

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? His mother and his brother ( the latter permanently in main verse, temporarily in some other verses ).

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? He has several fond childhood memories, like family dinners and playing around with Claus in the forest, even if he was often scared to go along with some of his riskier escapades. But the ones that stick with him most prominently are the lullabies Hinawa would sing to them on sleepless nights. Lucas still knows the melodies to them, and even the words to some, and he associates them with feelings of safety and warmth. He still sometimes hums them when he’s in need of comfort.

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? Physically, yeah, he could do some serious damage with PK Love. But mentally? It’s near impossible. Even just pulling the Needles, which was necessary to prevent the destruction of the universe, was an impossibly high mental hurdle to jump, knowing that the Magypsies would disappear as a result of his actions. 

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? He’ll have a pretty good cry for a while. He’ll try to hold it back after years of teasing for his tendency to cry, but at the end of the day, he’s still a sensitive, emotional boy. You’ll see the distress finally begin to break through as his brow knits, he begins to tremble, and he tries to hide his face before the tears can come...

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? Yes! He’d trust his family with his life, and Kumatora and Duster.

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? He’s never been in love ( at least, not yet on this blog! ), but heck, he would be a mess. All of the awkwardness and nerves and butterflies that come with that first, early teenage romance are to be expected. But once he gets past that and manages to tell them? He would be the softest boyfriend. He’d be your best friend, but mushier and with more hand-holding and stuff.

tagged by: Yoinked it

tagging: Take it if u want!!!

[beatrice-otter]

Longfic Recs

So, over in fictional_fans, melannen is doing a collaborative set of longfic recs for while we're all staying inside and physically isolated from one another.  Here's my first set of contributions.  Almost all of these are over 50k, and many of the ones who say they're shorter are just the first stories in their series.  But there are a few shorter ones that I couldn't not rec.

DC:

Nature and Nurture (109065 words) by lurkinglurkerwholurks Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Batman & Red Hood, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon & Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Red Hood (DCU), Nightwing, Oracle (DCU), Alfred Pennyworth, Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, Selina Kyle, Harvey Dent Additional Tags: Distressing screams, Jason Todd is Red Hood, In which Red Hood panics mildly, Age Regression/De-Aging, But not cutesy de-aging, There are hugs and kisses though, Rated for Profanity, It was Jason of course, Mention of loss of parents, Angst, Angst and Feels, Mention of canon drug use, Mild Blood, Surprise the profanity is also Bruce, Angst and Hurt/Comfort Summary: It was a no good, very bad night all around, and it kept getting worse. In which the writer explores some classic tropes, indulges in some BatFam feels, and explores the effects of nature and nurture on the psyche of one Bruce Thomas Wayne. I Wanna Kiss You Like They Do In The Movies (4745 words) by Cy_kun Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Underage Relationships: Damian Wayne/Colin Wilkes Characters: Colin Wilkes, Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne Additional Tags: Fluff, Humor, tiny boyfriends, with tiny crushes, Bruce really doesn't understand his son's smol future husband, they're both ten, so obviously no sex, I mention Christmas once so this will probably count as my Christmas story Series: Part 1 of Son of Batman Summary:  "Mr Batman, can I marry Damian?" Or, the one where Colin can't stop thinking about kissing Damian, and for some reason thinks Bruce can handle that. Countless Roads (231868 words) by nirejseki, robininthelabyrinth Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mick Rory/Leonard Snart Characters: Leonard Snart, Mick Rory, Leonard Snart's Mother, Lisa Snart, Lewis Snart, Barry Allen, Wally West, Jefferson "Jax" Jackson, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells, Nora Allen, Zoom, Earth-2 Harrison "Harry" Wells, Ronnie Raymond, Martin Stein, Earth-2 Ronnie Raymond, Earth-2 Caitlin Snow, Earth-3 Jay Garrick, Sara Lance, Ray Palmer, Rip Hunter, Kendra Saunders, Carter Hall, Time Masters (DC's Legends of Tomorrow), Time Wraiths (The Flash), George "Digger" Harkness Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, DEADFIC, Very Long Fic, Canonical Child Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, not a slow burn Summary: Due to a family curse (which some call a gift), Leonard Snart has more life than he knows what to do with – and that gives him the ability to see, speak to, and even share with the various ghosts that are always surrounding him.

Sure, said curse also means he’s going to die sooner rather than later, just like his mother, but in the meantime Len has no intention of letting superheroes, time travelers, a surprisingly charming pyromaniac, and a lot of ghosts get in the way of him having a nice, successful career as a professional thief.

Sometimes I wish I could fly, Like a bird up in the sky (8815 words) by fresne Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kal-el/Lois Lane Characters: Kal-el, Lois Lane Additional Tags: Character of Color, Biracial Character, Chromatic!Superman, Chromatic Character, Dark Agenda, Racebending Revenge Challenge, Podfic Available Summary: Written for the Racebending Challenge. For the challenge to depict a white character as a chromatic character, Kryptonians are black and Kal-El landed in Kansas in the Action Comic timeline.

This one's a WIP, but it is such an interesting idea, skillfully written, that I couldn't resist reccing it.

Robins and Other Flightless Birds (84920 words) by Ionaperidot Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent Characters: Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain, Damian Wayne, Kate Kane, Talia al Ghul, Athanasia al Ghul Additional Tags: Dad Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson is a Talon, catatonic jason, tim drake was joker junior, bruce wayne's messiah complex, in which bruce runs around the multiverse collecting orphans, Kon and Selina and Oliver Queen are around, and various assorted Justice League members Series: Part 1 of Flightless Birds Summary: It begins with another Bruce, looking around his cave and asking, “So where are the kids?”

Bruce has never thought about having a family before. But once the idea occurs to him, it's hard to think about anything else.

Latchkey (54546 words) by goldkirk Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, more to be added as the story progresses, Ace the Bat-Hound Additional Tags: Tim Drake-centric, Kid Tim Drake, Listen I play fast and loose with canon, Bruce is charmed by Tim’s genius and stupid brain, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Child Neglect, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Warnings will be posted as necessary with each chapter, Batfamily (DCU), none character deaths with left found family, in this house we love and appreciate therapy lessons and trauma recovery, and also proper care and keeping of children, Tim Drake Gets a Hug, Sibling Bonding, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Stalker Tim Drake, You think DICK is a mama hen? get ready for not-dead Jason Todd!!!!!, Jewish Bruce Wayne, Jewish Tim Drake, lots and lots of comfort Summary: Or, How Tim Drake Found A Family, Became A Photojournalist, Learned To Love Coffee, and Grew Up, not necessarily in that order.

Tim Drake is thirteen, runs the famous BatWatch blog that has spiraled hilariously out of control, has absentee parents that suit his purposes just fine, is training himself to run the streets at night, and is doing absolutely peachy, thank you. Alfred and Jason disagree, and get Dick and Bruce involved in figuring out their weird nextdoor neighbor kid’s life. Everything goes uphill from there.

If You Don't Grow (105707 words) by GeneratorCat Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Clark Kent, Kon-El | Conner Kent, Bart Allen Additional Tags: good big brother Dick, Healing, Slow Burn, Tim and Jason are kids at the start of this but worry not- nothing happens for a while, tags to be added as the story develops, Past Abuse, Smoking, Dick is trying his best, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Someone gets punched, but they deserve it, Tim starts off a little brat, but then gets some sweet sweet character development, though don't be mistaken he's still a mischievous boy, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homeschooling, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dick has anger issues, talking! about feelings!, has been described as: Lots of broken birds being rehabilitated by each other, and i must agree, Batman!Dick, lots of hugs, awkward sex talks, Demisexual Tim Drake, Knitting, Found Family, Cuddles, we getting soft y'all, Pining, Bruce is trying, Perceived Homophobia, Abandonment Issues, even more awkward sex talks, graysexual Jason Todd, embarrassing dad Dick Grayson, god they're so in love, god jason is an idiot, Accidental Boner, someone gets punched again, Fix-it fic, First Kiss, Masturbation, Jason Todd's sweet sixteen Summary: “I need to take care of myself. I can take care of myself.” “You shouldn’t have to, you’re just a kid.” God, does Dick know that. He knows what it feels like to be doing things you shouldn’t have to do at such a young age. About feeling like you have to take care of yourself, be strong and useful.

He knows now it’s bullshit.

(Officer Dick Grayson meets Jason on the street.) ((Alternatively titled: In which Dick pulls a Bruce))

one day this will all be yours (32586 words) by suzukiblu Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kon-El | Conner Kent & Lex Luthor, Clark Kent & Kon-El | Conner Kent, Superboy & Team, Kon-El | Conner Kent/M'gann M'orzz Characters: Kon-El | Conner Kent, Lex Luthor, Clark Kent, M'gann M'orzz, Kaldur'ahm (DCU), Dick Grayson, Artemis Crock, Wally West, Mercy Graves Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Timeline, Family Drama, Family Feels, Found Family, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Protectiveness, Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Father-Son Relationship, Two Fathers, Parent-Child Relationship, Team as Family, Team Bonding, Kidnapping, Flashbacks Summary: “You know, I used to think if I had different parents my life would be different,” Artemis says neutrally as she lines up a shot, and Superboy looks away from the punching bag, a little surprised to hear her speak.

Marvel:

god loves everybody, don't remind me (70381 words) by napricot Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Erik Killmonger & T'Challa Characters: Erik Killmonger, T'Challa (Marvel), T'Chaka (Marvel), Ramonda (Marvel), Shuri (Marvel), Okoye (Marvel), Nakia (Black Panther), N'Jobu (Marvel), Erik Killmonger's Mother, Bast, Linda (Black Panther movies), W'Kabi (Marvel), Ulysses Klaue, Everett Ross, Zuri (Marvel) Additional Tags: Time Loop, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Wakanda (Marvel), Djalia | Ancestral Plane (Marvel), Erik Killmonger Lives, Family Summary:  N’Jadaka didn’t believe in the gods of his people. But belief was not a prerequisite of the gods’ attention, and the blood of the Panther tribe ran in N’Jadaka’s veins. Bast took hold of his soul in her mighty jaws and lifted it free of his body. She gave him a warning shake, just as she would a misbehaving kitten, and set him back. With one careful claw, she tweaked his path through time into a twisting loop. Wayward and abandoned though he was, N’Jadaka was still of her tribe. He could set things right, if given the chance.

Erik gets a do-over. Erik gets a lot of do-overs. Or: Erik Killmonger's own personal version of Groundhog Day, only with a lot more murder, dying, trips to the ancestral plane, awkward family conversations, and divine intervention.

If They Haven't Learned Your Name (237623 words) by silentwalrus Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Pepper Potts, Maria Hill, Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Peggy Carter, Phil Coulson, Thor Additional Tags: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, standard Winter Soldier trauma umbrella, POV Alternating, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Weirdness, Llamas, Bucky Barnes Has A Complicated Relationship With UFOs, Thirty Korean Grandmothers, Steve And Sam Vs. Canoe, Natasha Is Taking It Personally, Consent Issues, One (1) Orgasm, Podfic Available, Russian Translation Available, do not copy to another site Summary: Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital. “I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.”

“That is not standing,” Sam tells him.

“You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.”

aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.

You Would Be In Clover (126894 words) by ChibiSquirt Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Howard Stark, Peggy Carter, Sharon Carter (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Gay Bucky Barnes, Female Steve Rogers, Marriage Proposal, Marriage of Convenience, Religion, Miscarriage, Smoking, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Closeted Character, Open Marriage, Crossdressing, Howard Stark/Steve Rogers (minor ship), Bucky Barnes/Others (offscreen), Polyamory, Vaginal Fingering, Penis In Vagina Sex, Oral Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Rimming, Consensual Sex, First Time, First Kiss, Period-Typical Racism, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Genderswap, Genderbending Summary:  Sarah “Gwen” Rogers was nineteen when she married Bucky Barnes, and she knew at the time just how stupid it was: it wasn’t exactly a brilliant move to marry a man who could never love her, even—or especially—when she knew that she was in love with him.

Neither of them could have predicted the war that came, and if they had, then they sure as hell couldn’t have predicted what would happen when Gwen volunteered for Project: Rebirth.

fight like girls for our place at the table (52110 words) by napricot Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sharon Carter/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sharon Carter Characters:Sharon Carter (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Peggy Carter, Antoine Triplett, James "Bucky" Barnes Additional Tags: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, POV Sharon Carter (Marvel), Slow Burn, Surveillance, Double Dating, Bucky Barnes' Attempts at Being a Wingman, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Time Summary: “Am I on Cap watch because of who my aunt is?” Sharon asks Fury point-blank the second she sits in his office.

“That’s part of the reason, yeah,” Fury says. Sharon narrows her eyes at him, and opens her mouth to object. “But not all of the reason. This isn’t a demotion.”

“It sure feels like a demotion. You’re taking me out of the field and out of intel analysis to babysit Captain America.”

How Sharon Carter gets her groove back, fucks up some Nazis, and gets the girl, with unasked for assists from a super soldier couple.

Châtelaine et senêschale (21859 words) by Feather Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Pepper Potts & Original Female Character Characters: Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Original Female Character Additional Tags: Pepper Potts and her team of badass ladies, ladies in the Tower, hypercompetent women, people with absurdly high IQ, Pepper wants to save the world, Pepper runs a super-efficient company, acute traumatic stress disorder, Post-Battle of New York, Post-Iron Man 3, Pepper is kind of not okay, quietly retconning implausible/insulting canon moments, Tony's terrible people skills Series: Part 1 of Settle in and find your home Summary: A quintet of essential moments including the Stark Industries Chief Legal Officer.

This is the first in a series of stories about side characters in Your Blue Eyed Boys, a massive Stucky series dealing seriously with Bucky's trauma.  YBEB is awesome, but Settle in and find your home is even better.

Where the Need is Greatest (19717 words) by Niitza Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers Characters: Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Tony Stark, Original Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Steve Rogers vs. the American Military, paramedic steve rogers, Médicins Sans Frontières | Doctors Without Borders, Syria, Syrian Civil War, Hydra, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Torture, POV Alternating, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Somewhat dark humor, Nick Fury Doesn't Get Paid Enough For This Shit, Humanitarian Intervention, Implied/Referenced Violence, Timeline What Timeline, Podfic Available, do not copy to another site Summary: In which Steve Rogers takes one look at the history of American military interventions since the end of World War II and nopes straight out of it, follows in his Ma's footsteps to become a paramedic, joins Doctors Without Borders, gets sent on an unsanctioned humanitarian mission to Syria, and somehow still ends up being a determining factor in Hydra's downfall - all of this without throwing a single punch. Somehow, he's okay with it.

This one's short, but oh, so good

Scents and Sensibility: The Working Assassin's Guide to Supersoldier Seduction(93216 words) by skellerbvvt, silentwalrus, galwednesday Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Melinda May, Maria Hill, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Clownfish ABO, Everyone Has A Peen And A Vageen, Gender Spectrum Society, Scents & Smells, Courtship, Alternate Universe, One Thousand And One Blankets, Pod People But Not Like That, Precious Idiot Virgin Winter Soldier, Institutionalized Softism, Curtain Fic, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Bathing/Washing, Melon Tending, Transformative Works Welcome, do not copy to another site Summary: Captain America wakes up from the ice in 2013. The Winter Soldier wakes up in 2009, or rather defects from HYDRA, for a value of defect that’s closer to decimate. He ends up working for SHIELD. In April 2014, he’s assigned to Captain America’s mission as a sniper.

Steve’s just trying to get some kind of life together. Bucky is too, or at least he was until tall, blond and Captain shows up and starts just - being there, all the time. It’s terrible. It’s the worst. He has to do something about it.

the other side of infinity (84282 words) by tielan Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Nick Fury & Maria Hill, Maria Hill & Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes & Wanda Maximoff, Maria Hill & Jane Foster, Peter Quill & Groot & Mantis & Drax, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Nick Fury & T'Challa, Maria Hill/Steve Rogers, Maria Hill & Sam Wilson Characters: Maria Hill, Nick Fury, T'Challa, Sam Wilson (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Peter Parker, Stephen Strange, Jane Foster (Marvel), Loki (Marvel), Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Hela (Marvel), Groot (Marvel), Mantis (Marvel), Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Carol Danvers, Hulk (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Thor (Marvel), Ayo (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Vision (Marvel), Chewie | Goose (Marvel) Additional Tags: Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), action-adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Infinity Gems, Infinity Gauntlet, Sacrifice, Fan theories, Avengers: Infinity War Fix-It, Eventual Happy Ending, infinity war fix-it, this really is my endgame, Trope: Against All Odds, Infinity (Marvel), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), Soul Gem (Marvel) Summary: On the other side of the moment, those turned to dust may no longer be 'alive', but they're damn well not helpless.  This is the story of how they saved themselves.

when i die i’ll sacrifice (more than enough for the afterlife) (41322 words) by notcaycepollard Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Endgame, Various Background Relationships - Freeform, Red Room (Marvel), discussion of Red Room reproductive violence, Pining, spot the Marvel cameos, Family, animal cruelty mention, animal death mention Series: Part 1 of a flame in two cupped hands Summary: The fall is longer than Natasha expects. It’s tears cold on her face, teeth bitten all the way through her lip and the taste of copper in her mouth; she’s falling and falling and then, bracing for impact—she wakes up.

Downton Abbey:

Halo Effect (81331 words) by Alex51324 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Original Male Character(s), Thomas Barrow & Anna Bates Characters: Thomas Barrow, Anna Bates, John Bates Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, season one AU, Edwardian Gays, Historical Accuracy, Great War, Period-Typical Homophobia Series: Part 1 of Halo Effect Summary: The Halo Effect is the tendency for a positive impression in one area to produce a more generous or optimistic interpretation of ambiguous information in other areas.  When Thomas rescues Lady Mary from the nefarious attentions of Turkish houseguest Kemal Pamuk, his employers and coworkers begin to see him differently...and Things Get Better.

A Season One AU diverging from canon in Episode 3, The One Where The Turkish Gentleman Dies in Mary's Bed.

Star Wars:

Hindsight is Not Perfect (61864 words) by DAsObiQuiet Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shmi Skywalker, Watto (Star Wars), Qui-Gon Jinn, Padmé Amidala, Yoda, Siri Tachi, Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Finis Valorum, Panaka (Star Wars), Mace Windu Additional Tags: Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Time Travel Fix-It, Redemption, Well he tries Series: Part 1 of Force of Many Sights Summary: Paved with good intentions or not, the road back from Hell is a difficult, slippery slope for those who choose to walk it as Anakin has. Now he has to face the consequences of his choices, avoid suspicion of everyone from the Jedi Council to Palpatine and try to prevent the future from turning out as badly Before all while somehow finding a way to balance the Force... again!

Shape-Changer (2330 words) by Fialleril Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Palpatine, Shmi Skywalker, Kitster Banai, a Tatooine wise woman Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Double Agent Vader, Storytelling, Tatooine Slave Culture, Small Acts of Resistance, Tricksters, Worldbuilding, Original Mythology Series: Part 1 of Double Agent Vader Summary: His Master liked to say that Vader was born in fire on Mustafar. But Ekkreth was born in the desert.

New Lands for the Living (50241 words) by SassySnowperson Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Poe Dameron/Luke Skywalker Characters: Poe Dameron, Luke Skywalker, Owen Lars, Beru Whitesun, Winter Celchu, Leia Organa, Bodhi Rook Additional Tags: Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Poe Dameron, Marriage of Convenience, Slow Burn, (with a fast marriage), Pining for Spouse, Action/Adventure, Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note Summary: The war is over, and nobody won. With the galaxy on the verge of destruction, Poe Dameron hatches a desperate plan—go back in time. But Poe's plan quickly goes awry, and he finds himself on the run from local authorities. The only plan to keep him safe is…extreme, to say the least.

 "Can't get you citizenship documents," the man muttered, his voice clearer now that it wasn't muffled by the scarf. Poe took a deep breath and forced himself to think. He looked back at his would-be rescuer.

Who was shoving the scarf back from the top his head, revealing a face that Poe knew. That lots of people knew. Kriff, that everyone knew, trillions upon trillions of sapients in the galaxy would recognize that face.

Luke Skywalker—as fresh-faced and young as the day he became the successful destroyer of the Death Star—was standing in front of him.

Fuck.

"Need a land grant to get a moisture farmer licence, can't even get you a travel visa without citizenship documents…Hm," the legend said, sighing. "Yeah. I think we're going to have to get married."

 Things You Missed in History Class (3713 words) by Grey_Bard Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Finn (Star Wars), Rey (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Time Travel Fix-It Summary: Having traveled back in time, Rey and Finn have decided to set right what once went wrong. Too bad they have no idea what actually once went wrong.

This one is short but it is SO GOOD, HOLY COW

Imperial Radch

Fragments (30130 words) by pipistrelle Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Awn Elming & Justice of Toren One Esk, Awn Elming/Justice of Toren One Esk Characters: Awn Elming, Justice of Toren (Imperial Radch), Justice of Toren One Esk Four Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives but not quite, Fix-It, imagine if the dumbest and most lovestruck segment of One Esk ran away with Awn and had a picnic, that's where this fic lives, Awn survives, lots of talking, and swearing, a little bit of plot but not much, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Pining, Worldbuilding, Fake Marriage, kind of, Queerplatonic Relationships Summary: “We're fleeing Radch space. Of course we’re fleeing Radch space, I refused an order and you...” She paused. Then, very clearly and feelingly, she said, “Fuck.”  Sometimes the path of justice and beneficence is clear. Sometimes you have to make your own.

Check, Please!

From the Ground Up (167381 words) by Rianne Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kent "Parse" Parson/Original Male Character(s) Characters: Kent "Parse" Parson, Original Male Character(s), Original Characters, Jeff "Swoops" Troy, Las Vegas Aces (Ensemble), Original Male Character(s) of Color, Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Angst, Fluff, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Until it's resolved that is, Hockey, (Obviously), Eventual Smut, Slurs Series: Part 1 of Kent Parson deserves nice things Summary: Kent has a pretty good life. It’s been a couple years since the Aces last won a cup, but he’s still at the height of his career. He has an apartment with a stunning view over Vegas, a best friend who’s always dragging him to basketball games, a cat to cuddle with, and more money than he could ever spend.

Everything is fine.

So it won’t be a problem at all if he strikes up a friendship with that guy he meets at the All-Star party.

Tomas enjoyed the years he spent in Minnesota, but he’s ready for a new life in a different city. It means he’ll be even further from his friends and family in Quebec, and he’s not sure he’s going to adapt well to the desert. But he’ll have his new job to distract him, and he’s never minded the challenge of developing a new circle of friends and acquaintances.

He doesn’t expect Kent Parson to be part of that.

Like Real People Do (153388 words) by xiaq Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kent "Parse" Parson/omc, Kent Parson/OMC, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann Characters: Kent "Parse" Parson, Swoops (Check Please!), Eric Bittle, Jack Zimmermann, Alexei "Tater" Mashkov, OMC Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Alternate Universe - College/University, figure skating, Sharing a Bed, Friends to Lovers, Coming Out, Hockey, NCAA hockey, Disabled Character, service dog, Happy Ending, Fluff, Banter, I just want Kent Parson to be happy ok, Living Together, Domestic Fluff, NHL, Closeted Character, Angst with a Happy Ending, but only like 2 chapters of REAL angst, TBI, Injury, Injury Recovery, parsepositive, Hurt/Comfort, Humor, idiots to lovers Summary: Parson gestures with his spoon toward Hawke. “So am I allowed to ask about the service dog or is that not PC?”

“My medical history is more of a 3rd date conversation," Eli says.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Because. No one sticks around afterward and I like to live in glorious denial for a short period beforehand.”

It comes out more self-deprecating than he intended.

Parson looks…thoughtful. “Well, does this count as one or two?

“Pardon?”

“This. Ice cream. I mean, technically it’s a second location, but still the same night. So is this one date or two?”

“One,” Eli says firmly. “If it’s happening within the same three-hour period.”

“You’re the expert,” Parson says, which, he’s really, really, not, but ok.

“So still two dates to go then?” Parson continues.

“I—what?”

“We’ve got a roadie coming up but then we’re home for almost two weeks. When does your semester start?”

“You want to do this again?” Eli asks.

Parson stops idly twirling his spoon.

“You don’t?”

He does, Eli realizes. He really does. Because apparently he actually likes Kent fucking Parson.

Original Work

Superstition (16000 words) by Superstition_hockey Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: OC/OC Additional Tags: Hockey Gods, Bromance to Romance, Codependent Bros for Life, Accidental Marriage, Homophobia in sports, Homophobic Language, Sexist Language, Hockey typical violence, Unsafe Sex, Oral Sex, Frottage Series: Part 1 of Superstition Summary: He thinks about the times he’s heard his dad, his aunts and uncles, cousins, sports casters on the news joking about the hockey gods, wonders if they’re real. Maybe they are. Maybe if he works hard enough, gives them enough sweat and blood and time…

Mulan

primped and polished till you glow with pride (11363 words) by VagabondDawn Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fa Mulan/Li Shang Characters: Fa Mulan (Disney), Li Shang, Fa Zhou Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage Series: Part 1 of primped and polished Summary: Fa Zhou gets offered an advisory position in the Imperial City instead of riding to war and Fa Mulan finds her second attempt at Matchmaking goes better than the first.

Chronicles of Narnia

No Ordinary Letter (5680 words) by Transposable_Element Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Aravis, Kidrash Tarkaan, Peridan (Narnia), Shar (Narnia OMC), Shasta | Cor Additional Tags: Calormen, Family, Cultural Differences Series: Part 1 of Love and Honor Summary: Aravis begins the process of reconciling with her father.

Silmarillion/Lord of the Rings

And What Happened After (73740 words) by thearrogantemu Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Frodo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins & Manwë Súlimo, Frodo Baggins & Fëanor, Samwise Gamgee & Maglor, Frodo Baggins & Sam Gamgee Characters: Bilbo Baggins, Frodo Baggins, Gandalf, Elrond, Mandos | Námo, Manwë, Fëanor, Sam Gamgee, Sons of Fëanor, Maglor, Nerdanel, Celebrimbor Additional Tags: Valinor, Fourth Age, after the end, Gandalf and his strategic hobbit deployment, Third Theme, There and Back Again Again, Very Long Conversations, Backpacking in the Blessed Realm, Long-Overdue Punches, Westron as a Second Language, Sassing cosmic superbeings, Life-Changing Road Trip with Feanor, Kierkegaardian Existentialism, Reconciliation, Halls of Mandos, Potato Diplomacy, Everyone Telling Stories, Arda Remade Series: Part 5 of The Splintered Light Summary: “My dear Mr. Baggins, you cannot possibly imagine I have brought you across the boundaries of the sundered world, bending every law of gods and men, over land and over sea and through the fathomless heights, for your health? Well, I did, of course I did, and I’d do it again. But it was not for your own good only that I brought you here. I have been on this world a very long time, Mr. Baggins, and if there is one thing that I have learned about the Wise and the Great, it’s that they benefit from the company of hobbits, and it’s the wisest and greatest who have most need of them.”

Star Trek

A Better World (17671 words) by weakinteraction Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Benjamin Maxwell/Alynna Nechayev Characters: Alynna Nechayev, Benjamin Maxwell, Edward Jellico, Ro Laren, Odo (Star Trek) Additional Tags: guest appearances from various other 24th-century Trek characters, Time Travel Fix-It Summary: Alynna Nechayev does not give up easily, in any timeline.

Laid Bare (37013 words) by sixbeforelunch Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: William Riker & Deanna Troi, Taurik/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Deanna Troi, William Riker, Beverly Crusher, Taurik (Star Trek), Original *Characters Additional Tags: Psychology, Mental Health Issues, Eating Disorders, Domestic Violence, Anxiety Attacks, Aliens, First Contact, child endangerment, Pregnancy, Telepathy, Vulcan Culture Summary: Deanna Troi unravels a psychological mystery.

Lewis (TV)

A Place I May Go Both In and Out Of (49458 words) by kvikindi Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James Hathaway & Robert Lewis, James Hathaway & Nell Hathaway, Robert Lewis & Nell Hathaway, Laura Hobson/Robert Lewis Characters: James Hathaway, Robert Lewis, Laura Hobson, Nell Hathaway, Lizzie Maddox, Lyn Lewis, Lyn Lewis's Son, Hathaway's Band Additional Tags: Catholicism, Found Families, discussion of suicide, Allusions to abuse, Giftedness, Gun Violence, Physical Trauma, Recovery, Urban Foxes, Post-Canon, Dysfunctional Family, Happy Ending, Christmas Summary: Lewis thought it was amazing, in retrospect, that no one had ever shot Hathaway before.

Big Hero 6/The Martian

Big Hero Martian (42621 words) by althor42 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Hiro Hamada, Baymax (Marvel), Cass Hamada, Mark Watney, Annie Montrose, Gogo Tomago, Wasabi-No Ginger, Fred | Fredzilla, Melissa Lewis (The Martian), Alex Vogel, Chris Beck, Beth Johanssen, Rick Martinez (The Martian), Teddy Sanders Additional Tags: hiro goes on a rescue mission, so it's on mars, small details, just build a ship, nbd Summary: There would have been no rescue for Mark, if NASA had not noticed he was still alive. Unless of course, a certain Big Hero noticed instead.

Temeraire/Pride and Prejudice

A Monstrous Regiment (94904 words) by AMarguerite Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Colonel Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice), Arthur Wellesley 1st Duke of Wellington, Jane Roland, Jane Fairfax, Frederick Wentworth, Fitzwilliam Darcy, George Wickham, Georgiana Darcy, Charlotte Lucas, William Price, Excidium, Gherni, Arkady (Temeraire), Perscitia, Captain Harville (Persuasion) Additional Tags: badass Elizabeth Bennet, Napoleonic Wars, Dragon Riders, Regency, Battle, War, Feminist Themes, Colonel Fitzwilliam has some period-appropriate Opinions that get overturned, so be forewarned, he's a good dude though, he learns, Age of Sail, alternate title: Charlotte's Great Escape Series: Part 1 of A Monstrous Regiment Summary: General Wellington selects Colonel Fitzwilliam for a very singular honor during the Spanish Campaign: working with dragons-- and, in particular, with Captain Elizabeth Bennet, of His Majesty's Dragon, the Longwing Wollstonecraft.

Temeraire/ Pride and Prejudice crossover entirely to have Elizabeth Bennet as a dragon captain during the Peninsular War, with Charlotte Lucas as her uber-capable first lieutenant.

Pride and Prejudice

An Ever-Fixed Mark (190537 words) by AMarguerite Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet/Colonel Fitzwilliam, Jane Bennet/Charles Bingley Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Fitzwilliam Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice), Georgiana Darcy, Catherine de Bourgh, Anne de Bourgh, Charlotte Lucas, William Collins (Pride and Prejudice), Maria Lucas, Jane Bennet, Charles Bingley, Mr. Bennet, Mrs. Bennet, Lydia Bennet, Kitty Bennet, George Wickham, Duke of Wellington, Mary Crawford, Mary Bennet, Caroline Bingley, William Elliot (Persuasion), Colonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility), Marianne Dashwood, Eliza (Sense and Sensibility), Henry Tilney, Catherine Morland, Frederick Wentworth, Anne Elliot, Elizabeth Elliot, Arthur Wellesley Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Comedy, Deconstruction, Napoleonic Wars, Regency, Regency Romance, Pining, badass Elizabeth Bennet, Miscarriage, 19th Century Medicine, Battle Of Waterloo, battlefield descriptions, Mention of Surgery, medicine sure was fun before germ theory, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Elizabeth Bennet/ Mud, is the true OTP, Feminist Themes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Grief/Mourning, Slow Burn, Reaaaally slow burn, Burn so slow it takes like six chapters to defrost first, Biphobia Series: Part 1 of An Ever-Fixed Mark Summary: One would think that having the name of one's soulmate appear on one's wrist on one's sixteenth birthday would make matrimony much less complicated. It mostly does not. And not at all for Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourne.

(A deconstruction of the "soulmate identifying mark" trope, using "Pride and Prejudice." Trigger warnings in the tags.)

Teen Wolf

Wolf Moon (93757 words) by pocketmumbles Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Derek Hale/Scott McCall Characters: Scott McCall, Derek Hale Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Minor Character Death, Fix-It Series: Part 1 of Wolf Moon 'verse Summary: On the night of 2013’s Wolf Moon, eighteen-year-old Scott McCall travels back in time to change Derek’s past and, hopefully, their future.

The morning after 2003’s Wolf Moon, fifteen-year-old Derek Hale wakes up after meeting a teen wolf named Scott. And then the story really begins.

(Or, the time travel story that isn’t about the time travel at all, but rather a complete rewriting of canon spanning fifteen years and every character along the way. Canon divergent/AU after Season 3B.)

Harry Potter

Swung by Serafim (352345 words) by flamethrower Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Arthur Weasley/Molly Weasley, Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter Characters: Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Dobby, Kreacher (Harry Potter), Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Bill Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley, Fleur Delacour, Percy Weasley, Viktor Krum, Luna Lovegood, Rubeus Hagrid, Pomona Sprout, Lily Evans Potter, James Potter, OFC, OMC Additional Tags: I am not listing the entire cast of the HP universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Chamber of Secrets, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, there is a tag for it yay!, also not listing relationships, Too confusing, Discussion of Past Child Abuse, The World Is Not Black And White, GFY, Don't copy to another site, seriously if those two actually were together at the end of this fic it would be in the tags okay?, and I don't tag the other relationships because they're spoilers, but before I get yelled at AGAIN, this isn't Snarry fic okay?, it has potential to become that if you squint, but I am not tagging for a romantic relationship that isn't there! Series: Part 1 of Swung by Serafim Summary: In 1993, Gilderoy Lockhart points a stolen wand at Harry Potter and Ron Weasley with the intent to Obliviate them.

The wand doesn't backfire. Gilderoy's "discovery" of the Chamber of Secrets is a short-term success.

Other consequences are not short-term at all.

Blood Magic (334522 words) by GatewayGirl Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Remus Lupin, Ron Weasley Additional Tags: Severitus, Dark Arts, Secrets Series: Part 1 of Blood Summary: Blood magic was supposed to keep Harry safe, but his relatives are expendable. Blood magic was supposed to keep Harry looking like his adoptive father, but it's wearing off. Blood is a bond, but so is the memory of hate -- or love.

pick it up, pick it all up and start again (69328 words) by Annerb Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley Characters: Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Bill Weasley, Fleur Delacour, Percy Weasley, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s), Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Charlie Weasley, George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Hannah Abbott Additional Tags: mostly canon ships, Sequel, Angst, Recovery, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Drama, Slytherin Ginny Weasley, Post-War, Canon Era, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Series: Part 1 of Armistice Series Summary: The thing about war is that it never ends. Not really. The battlefields just change locations. Harry and Ginny after the war. (Sequel to The Changeling)

Valdemar

Enemy, It's Cold Outside (5121 words) by MueraRashaye Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Original Male Herald, Original Male Sunpriest Additional Tags: Friendship across borders, Canon Compliant, War with Ancar, Tasteless jokes about Fires, Some timeline shifting Series: Part 1 of Friends Across Borders Summary: Inns in Hardorn border towns are neutral grounds, so long as the Sunsguard don't see the Herald and the Valdemarans don't see the priests. Usually this works fine, but one evening found Valdemarans with a Herald and Sunsguard with a priest at the same inn. Two groups of guards signal their outliers, and their outliers reluctantly retreat to the stables for a frigid night.

Turns out, it's too cold to kill ancient enemies. Much easier to swap drinks and tales under a night-long truce, figuring nothing will change in the morning.

And it doesn't. Not yet. But, it just might.

The Goblin Emperor

A Complete Education (57380 words) by bomberqueen17 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Csethiro Ceredin/Maia Drazhar Characters: Csethiro Ceredin, Maia Drazhar, Cala Athmaza, Kiru Athmaza, Deret Beshelar, Telimezh (The Goblin Emperor) Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Sexual Education, Household Politics, The Emperor's Dav, Past Abuse, Misunderstandings, the fantasy of a world where everybody has good intentions Series: Part 1 of Continuing Education Summary: Preparing for the Emperor's wedding, everyone has some things they need to learn about.

[pokeshippingflashfic]

Prompt: "but why is she over your shoulder like that?"

(A friend actually helped me come up with a really good idea for this one so… thank you, friend! I’m worried tagging you will somehow reveal my identity to viewers of this blog so I won’t do that! I tweaked the idea some since we talked but it’s still good!)

“Ash, I swear, if you don’t put me down this instant, I’ll end you!” a particularly drenched redheaded female shrieked so loud that the aforementioned male trainer’s eardrums throbbed in retaliation to her ferocity.

There was a quick jab as a wildly flailing knee just happened to smash into his hip but he grunted, doing his best to ignore it and keep moving.

“Misty, c’mon, you can’t just attack every person who happens to rub you the wrong way, okay? I’m–,” Ash faltered as he was slapped over the head, presumably on accident if his captive’s next few seconds of apologetic silence and stillness were any indication, “–just trying to help ya out here!”

“You can’t tell me you weren’t mad too! I know you, Ash! You love Pokemon more than anyone else I’ve ever met!” Misty affirmed, slightly calmer than she’d been a few moments previous but she still struggled against his grip, intent on running back in the direction they’d just come from.

“Of course I am but times have changed and we’re older now! You know as well as I do it’s better to let Officer Jenny and the league handle situations like this! Or do you wanna be the next person in handcuffs?”

The redhead puckered her lips, blowing frustrated air from between the tight space, glaring at the upper back of her captor… er, savior’s? … head. He couldn’t just butt out, huh? Couldn’t let her do what needed to be done for the greater good. Couldn’t let her be right about things…

“What’s going on, guys?” Tracey asked them as the two teenagers reentered the campsite, brow raised in wonder. It wasn’t every day that Ash Ketchum carried Misty Waterflower like a sack of potatoes after all.

“Now can you put me down? I mean, we’re back, right?” the redhead practically whined and Ash chanced a wary glance in her direction.

“How can I be sure you won’t take off the second I do?”

“Gee, can’cha have a little faith in me?” she replied, suddenly feigning innocence as she laced her hands together and pouted at him with wide, glimmering eyes.

The two trainers stared each other down for a few seconds, sizing each other up, a battle of wills meant to intimidate the other into caving.

“Uuh, hey, I kinda wanna know what happened..?” their current traveling companion intruded as a reminder, both of them responding by breaking eye contact, causing a draw in their latest match.

“Do ya remember how Misty said she wanted to run back to the river and see if there were any Pokemon she could catch?” Ash began by means of explanation.

“Yeah but…why is she over your shoulder like that? What’s fishing for Pokemon got to do with it?”

“Well, she ran into a trainer who decided they wanted to especially battle the newest member of Indigo’s Elite Four champion class,”  the first young man went on, finally buckling and twisting around so that he could place the very same redhead back on her feet, dusting himself off after. 

“And he was a piece of shi–”

“–Misty!” her longest-time friend admonished her before she could finish.

“He was evil incarnate, you idiot! He’d clearly been abusing his Pokemon for ages! I mean, how hadn’t he ever been reported before?! Who doesn’t notice that? How could any Nurse Joy who happened to treat those Pokemon not realize they were victims of abuse?!” she shouted, arms gesturing wide, furious tears springing to her eyes.

“I don’t know, okay?!” Ash finally gave in to his own ire and yelled back, which was enough for Misty to sense a camaraderie that she hadn’t felt at all before, a complicated twinge of fear and ease culminating within her at his intense reaction. “Some people are just… they’re just bad. They deserve way worse than they get. I don’t know why he didn’t lose his training license before this. All we can hope is that he’ll get what’s coming to him now that we’ve turned him in.”

“Misty, I’m… sorry you had to meet someone like that. I know it’s not much help but I think it’s safe to say people like… like that guy, whoever he was, probably don’t make a habit of visiting a PokeCenter that often to begin with, which was why someone like Nurse Joy couldn’t report him. And also,” the Pokemon sketch artist paused long enough for both of his friends to stop staring so profoundly at each other so that they could actually pay attention to what he was going to say, “for all the bad out there in the world that we haven’t seen as much of, it’s… there’s just as much good when people like you will do what’s right over anything else. You should remember that.”

Misty looked as though she were still ready to go a few more rounds, venomously charged gaze rounding back and forth between her two friends for a few seconds following before she huffed, tightened her grip on her backpack, and walked to the edge of their clearing to take a few minutes alone while she presumably came to terms with the aftermath of their most recent fiasco. Pikachu followed her, intent on making one of his favorite humans feel better.

“I guess we won’t be leaving yet, will we?” Tracey asked Ash more cautiously next, tone soft enough so that the younger trainer knew the issue wasn’t being pressed out of more than mild curiosity.

“Yeah, truth be told… I think she’s angry about more than just the obvious…” came the cryptic reply.

“What do you mean by that?”

“That guy…” Clearly wrestling with demons of his own, Ash drew breath to calm himself, eyes closing while his brows knitted together in subdued wrath. “He wanted specifically to battle Misty one-on-one, water Pokemon against water Pokemon. Makes sense, right? See how he competes against an E4 member before he takes on the league as a whole? But when Misty saw how his Pokemon looked and brought up her allegations, the guy told her that she had to have been the same as him, that she’d just found a better way to hide the evidence since she’d been a trainer for a few years longer.”

“What?!” Tracey yelped in astonishment, pausing half a second to look in the still distant redhead’s direction, hoping against hope that she couldn’t overhear their conversation. “Why would he possibly think that?!”

“He said it was the only real way for someone who works with one specific type of Pokemon to rise through the trainer ranks, especially to be so revered as an Elite Four member, unless they’re using pseudo-legendaries or something.”

“Yikes…” Tracey whispered frigidly, “So what happened after… all that? I mean, Misty’s soaked, you look a mess, I guess from carrying her all this way?”

“Luckily…” And Ash went on to explain how, since the river was on the outskirts of Viridian City, a patrolling officer from Jenny’s unit had been close by and heard the shouting and scuffle that ensued. “Misty threw herself at him and they both ended up in the river but the current wasn’t strong enough at the time to carry ‘em off. Then the police showed up and heard both of them out. I think because of her status, they kinda knew already who to believe but they still got some personal information from her in case they need to contact her later.”

There was a distinctive snapping sound from behind them. Both boys involuntarily flinched in response, chancing a unanimous glance at their redheaded companion, who’d just picked up a dry twig to rip in half by way of venting her residual fury.

“Still…” Ash began warily, “I think we should talk to her, make sure she’s okay.”

There was another swift snap from her direction.

“Uh, yeah… Maybe just one of us,” Tracey replied. This was just in time for aforementioned young woman to pick up half a dozen more branches that she then successfully tore apart in one go. “In fact, maybe just you.”

The younger trainer stared wide-eyed at him, a young sacrifice to the cause.

“Well, you do know her best,” the artist replied earnestly.

The trek across the clearing seemed far too daunting for such a short distance. Ash wasn’t sure how he managed it but he was suddenly standing over Misty as she sat on her log, digging one heel into the earth while Pikachu curled around her other leg and did his best to comfort her.

“So…. I guess you’re both done talkin’ about me behind my back, huh?” she asked morbidly, her whisper icily calm.

“It wasn’t like that…” he responded, stepping over and sitting beside her. “I was just telling Tracey what happened. He was worried.”

“Hah!” Her response was dry, sardonic. “Worried about me or worried about that other guy? If it’s the latter then he’s not the only one! You two should go start a fan club, maybe an online fundraiser or petition to help get him escape the charges!”

“Misty, c’mon, I wasn’t–!” Ash replied hotly, swinging around to face her before pursing his lips shut, snorting, and staring ahead again instead. No, no. Misty was angry, and it wasn’t like she had no good reason to be. They were older now, more responsible, more mature. He had to handle this delicately. “I wasn’t worried about him. You should know that by now.”

“After he got out of the water and I went after him, you grabbed me and told him to go! To run, Ash! They idiot spent who knows how long–!” she paused, choking on her own emotion, “Years. Probably years beating, hurting, neglecting his Pokemon so that they’d be resilient to things they never should have been pitted against! And you tried to let him run from me!

“What’s changed, Ash?!” she cried out next, wrenching around and grabbing a hold of his shirt, yanking him forward so they were evenly prostrated. “We… I learned a lot of what I feel, how to react, from you! I remember a time when you did exactly the same as me because you thought a Pokemon was being treated wrongly! All you did was think it and act! Now you won’t stick up for me for knowing what went on! We used to be the same, think the same about so much! I loved that about you! But now…

“I… Now I don’t even know you.”

They sat there for a moment, Ash watching her trembling grip on his shirt before she finally released him and averted her gaze. It was a great burden to watch one of the most important people in his life appear to lose faith in him rather instantaneously.

“Misty, I know you have trouble seeing things this way but… I promise I wasn’t - I’d never defend or worry about a person who’d treat their Pokemon like that. But I did… I was trying to save someone else,” he explained somewhat ambiguously, waiting for any sort of reaction from his one person audience before he bothered to continue.

“C’mon, you… you just made it into the Elite Four. You have eyes on you everywhere you go now. I know how it is. It was the same for me last year when I made first division champion. People don’t take kindly to their idols making mistakes or acting aggressively, spontaneously. I mean, even if your average person sided with you, chances are that the league would have had to suspend or permanently rescind your eligibility to their ranks because of the assault. It was best to let the authorities handle things without us getting anymore involved… No matter how much we both wanted to.”

“Ash…”

She didn’t say anything more, tapering off after his name left her mouth and staring him up and down. She supposed, somewhat begrudgingly, that things had changed and not necessarily for the worse. Surprisingly it seemed that Ash Ketchum had grown up a lot since they’d last traveled together, and his insight into the bureaucracy of top tier trainers may have been a saving grace.

“So you’re saying that you were protecting me? To keep me from losing my progress towards my dream…?” The fledgling virgin romantic in her couldn’t help the flattery. This was quite the metamorphosis from their preteen years. “I guess… that makes sense.”

“And I hope you’d, uh, do me the same courtesy if such a situation ever…?” he inquired next, and a blushing, teary-eyed Misty gave a slight upwards jerk of her head before sighing and leaning into him.

“Now let’s just… not talk about it anymore for awhile. I’m still so,” a shuddering breath interrupted her statement, “so angry about it. I’m grateful too,” she assured him, misinterpreting the reason for his stiff shoulders and spine as her head rested against him, “that you knew what to do but if there’s a next time… let’s be on the same page first at least.”

“… That sounds reasonable to me.”

“And Ash?”

“Hm?”

“I’m… sorry,” she finished rather lamely, though she knew it was best to put her conscience at ease.

“Yeah, I am too.”

And something told her he was apologizing for much worse in the world than his own behavior.

(Actually the further I wrote on this fic the more worried I got... but here it is. :-/)

[what-the-stark]

— ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS THEN TAG 20 BLOGS YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER!

NICKNAMES: J, Pablo, That Asshole

ZODIAC:  Capricorn

HEIGHT: 5′9″

TIME: 12:25 p.m.

FAVORITE BAND / ARTIST:  impossible to choose tbh, but here are 5 at random I <3: Sia, Amy Winehouse, Florence + the Machine, Lorde, RAIGN

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: You’re the one that I want (Lo-Fang)

LAST MOVIE I SAW: Avengers: Endgame

LAST THING I GOOGLED: all gender restroom xD (making a work graphic)

OTHER BLOGS: I have like 46578476 (still less than @fidemcanem, tho), but my main alt that I’ve had almost as long as this blog is @sovereignofdeceit, my sadly neglected Loki that I need to do drafts on soonish *coughs*

WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS USERNAME: it’s been 6+ years, and on a good day I can remember what I ate the day before, so yeah. No clue! I’m sure it seemed like a solid idea at the time, lol

FOLLOWING: 106

AVERAGE AMOUNT OF SLEEP: It’s sort of when my body just surrenders, between 4-6 usually

WHAT I’M WEARING: jeans and a work polo (sexy, ammirite? xD)

DREAM JOB: Concept artist/illustrator for an RPG company (my cousin works for Paizo so I keep meaning to hit him up for a portfolio intro >.> but then my actual job is like HI PLS TO CATCH UP and I never do)

DREAM TRIP:  UK to visit frands, or possibly Egypt cause I’m an archaeology nerd

FAVORITE FOOD:  is coffee a food? I mean bean juice is technically soup y/y

PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS:  I’ve played the flute, guitar and violin (the latter two badly)

EYE COLOR:  hazel

HAIR COLOR:  improbably red

LANGUAGES YOU SPEAK:  English and Spanish (but ngl the latter is p weak)

MOST ICONIC SONG: I’m super bad at these questions, but right at this exact moment? Gonna say: Worthy (Jacob Banks)

RANDOM FACT:  Among my long list of weirdass jobs, I used to have one teaching poi/firespinning

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS AESTHETIC THINGS: brushed steel | vanilla and woodsmoke | soft, loose knits | layers | warm, smooth wooden floors beneath bare feet | hair in a messy upswept twist | sunset | bare necked | white gold

Tagging: @backoffbub, @notgonnabesubtle, @dontcallmepepper, @redwhiteandbruised, @dr-stephenvstrange, @worldsfinestspy, @sulpuryvagrant, @worldwarvet, @warwearysoldier, @badlluck, @mischieftomake, @xiongsi, @southernbellc, @notuptoyou, @towardstheproblems, @pervyyzimniysoldat, @menwithoutcapes, @fidemcanem, @shieldandstripes, @cellobowsandarrows

Tagged by: @amazongoddcss <3 thank you, doll! I know the rest of you Gothamverse folks were already tagged, so I won’t spam you guys

[criticalbread]

a confused witchy blog post of happenstances

Ever since we’ve moved up here to Oregon, I’ve been finding all kinds of magnificent feathers on my walks. Since the first one, my instant feeling has been, “This is a gift (from the universe/area/Something).” When I walk, only some feathers give me this instantaneous and grateful feeling. Others are just feathers on the ground and I pass them by. I’ve been gifted crow feathers, blue jay feathers, feathers from robins and others I can’t identify. I even found one that I immediately felt wasn’t for me, but for Eagan. Mostly, it’s been crow and little spotted pale brown and beige feathers. The only other time I’ve experienced this is before I left Florida. I was sad to leave the little hawk that lived in our neighborhood and would cry all around our house, land on nearby fences, and occasionally land on our fence (sometimes while I was lucky enough to be in the garden!) Right before I left, I found a perfect feather from my friend right outside the house and felt immediately like it was a goodbye gift. It came with me from Florida, and now it’s been joined by almost two dozen others on my little altar.

Having lived most of my life in Florida with our daily summer thunder storms, I’ve spent the last ten years very aware that there’s something special about the wind at the head of a storm front when it comes galloping up. It’s the most alive I’ve ever felt and ever feel. I honestly think that moments like that might be some of my first spiritual experiences, right up there with being out in the trees and boulders and river at the Chimneys when I was a kid. It doesn’t storm so much up here in Oregon; it just drizzles or pours down dispassionately. I had almost forgotten about my connection to those windy pre-storm moments until it started kicking up on my walk today. Turns out, I’m just as connected to wind in the pines as wind in the oaks. Feels like rediscovering a forgotten sense.

Crows. Crows everywhere. Crows every time I have a revelation or feel a connection to some bigger Presence. I can’t tell if I connect to crows because they represent me or because they represent Something Else. Witchy insight is hard when you’ve forgotten how it works.

Eagan bought me my first tarot deck as a gift last year and every single reading I’ve done-- done rarely, only when a powerful mood strikes-- has been so shockingly on point. After the first one, I said somewhat disbelieving, “It’s just because you see relevance in the cards when you expect to see it.” But then the next, and next, and next, and next... I’m sweatin. I’ve had an intense lesson just recently come from the cards. How far does coincidence stretch? Or seeing what you expect to see? It doesn’t feel casual. It feels very... big.

I just want to get involved with every craft and home project I can. Basket weaving, knitting, woodworking, embroidery, throwing clay, fermenting, sewing clothing, preserving and canning, beekeeping, gardening, composting, more more more. I went from like a solid 15mph with three or four interests to like 100mph need to do it all in just the past couple weeks. I’m itching to be done with this job, move on, to be doing the things that actually mean something to me.

I have been planning for years to get back into Muay Thai because it’s fun and fulfilling to learn to do things with my body. (Also, who doesn’t enjoy throwing a good solid elbow?) I keep falling away from doing it, though, because of money and being afraid my tired, chronically painful body won’t agree. Now, though, I feel that same desire for fun and fulfillment, but also something more, like a calling. This was sticks out to me as odd because this isn’t the same vein as I’ve felt before-- this isn’t feathers and warmth and gentleness and growing things and singing in the kitchen. 

It’s not just crows that I keep thinking about and feeling about and all that. Snakes and cows. I can understand the connection; snakes to the ground and growing things, cows to land and abundance and the warmth of home. They’re such beautiful, sensitive animals. I can talk about their importance to recent human evolution and food culture for hours. Still. Anyone know of a crow-snake-cow deity?

Had a profound moment out on a walk the other day, thinking on what I’ve been reading about healing from emotional neglect as a kid. Thinking about moms and what I missed out on and the deficits in self love it’s left behind. And as I was thinking, “I can’t do the exercise that writer mentioned where you affirm to yourself all the things you were supposed to be taught by a parent, about how you are enough and deserve support and all that. I don’t feel it and I can’t do it,” I felt suddenly like this warm, kind presence was walking with me, surrounding me with love and acceptance, almost replacing the missing mother voice in my head and telling me all those things, “You’re enough, you deserve to be loved by dint of existing, I love you just for being, I want to hear what you have the say and think, I love that you are so passionate, I love that you are so interested and enthusiastic and curious and silly and naive and sensitive. You’re safe with me; I won’t let the world be too much for you. I’ll help you. You can ask me anything. I’m here.” On and one. It was such a startling experience and moving, emotional, Big experience and it lasted nearly thirty minutes as I was just wandering, not even listening to music. It felt like being bigger and smaller than my own skin. Looking back, I get so filled with doubt, thinking it was just wishful thinking, wondering if I really experienced it. But there it is. I feel embarrassed just talking about it because I feel like, well... see the next bullet point.

I have trouble accepting any of these things, to be honest. I used to be so much more open to spiritual things and witchy things. I believed so much more in my own power and abilities, my uncanny insight, foresight, my experiences living in a haunted house for 10+ years. But I didn’t have anyone to connect to who felt similarly, and there were so many messages around me conveying how ‘cringey’ and ‘woohoo’ this kind of stuff was. And then there was being scared as a kid and teen in a haunted house where I was often alone and freaked out by my experiences so once I left I just wanted to turn off and ignore anything like that again (to the point where my reaction to any creepy feelings or paranormal possibilities is to go “nope, not looking lalala i refuse”). I feel like I just shut down my ability to feel and believe in spirituality and spiritual things. So now I’m having all these experiences, not knowing what to think, if it’s real or my imagination, and if it is real how to connect again to what used to come so easily.

can’t think of any other relevant musings. anywho i feel called back to witchcraft and spiritual exploration and think I’m being invited in by Someone but dunno who or how to go about finding out or opening myself up again or anything at all and I’m just very confused and lost. started following a few witchy folks recently, guess that will need to be enough for now. Just need to survive the American dystopia, get financial stable, and hopefully be less stressed and more able to do literally anything.

[cygnuswheel]

no one’s here and no one’s going to save you. this is a nightmare waiting to happen, isn’t it? but he can’t wake up any more than he already has. everything’s spinning. it’s hopeless.

oscar sits in a bathroom, post volume 6.

( note: this was inspired by @flame-cat‘s recent comic that they posted on their art blog! i had a lot of thoughts about it and wanted to see where i’d go with one particular spin of mine. please make sure to check out their work!! )

oscar. oscar.

oscar, listen to me.

it’s a haze. the rush and the hurt and the panic can only lead to hyperventilation, to discomfort and to a hollowed spite. the air comes in and out, but he isn’t breathing. it’s like he’s drowning in his own presence.

what did this mean? how could he let this happen now, when everything was hinging tomorrow going perfectly? this isn’t the time for this. it was never the time for this, for the tears and the loathing and the absolute feeling of disgust. his thoughts are racing, trying so hard to come to some sort of conclusion, some way to feel better. yet, every time he tells himself to calm down, that his thoughts don’t matter and that this whole thing doesn’t matter, it comes back. a plague that sticks in his chest and summons forth a pain that sits in his torso, soaked by the sobs and heaves and chattering teeth. 

oscar.

it’s all useless. why even try this at all? the relic, the plan, the whole fate of the world-- why, none of it really seemed to be all that important anymore, but, at the same time, it’s the biggest thing that he’ll ever be a part of in his entire life. it matters. it doesn’t matter. everything matters. everything matters but you. how would he be able to contribute to this, to any of this? his job was to be a vessel, a messenger of higher thought and information that the team relied on, but everything’s been so out of order lately. the information is lies. the promises are lies. the bonds he formed with everyone was a lie. he’s nothing without this great and powerful curse placed upon him. he’s just a boy. a fourteen year old boy that doesn’t know how to do anything. and he would never know how to do anything.

stop.

the word grips him like a hand placed firmly upon the shoulder. oscar’s eyes are wide, lips pulled back to show a sorrowful grimace, a face full of tears. his chest feels like it’s going to burst from the pause. he looks from one side to the other, nothing. the bathroom is empty other than himself, light dimly illuminating his strife as the rest of the party slept, surely anxious enough that they didn’t need any of the shit that he could dump on them. it wasn’t worth it for them, surely. he was barely going to be around in the long run anyway. there’s no need to bond with some pathetic creature that didn’t have much time left in the world anyway. and it’s not like he was any fun to be around either, with misery wrapping around him like a homespun cape--

you’re not a miserable person to be around, oscar.

there it is again. the boy squeaks in surprise, voice cracking in a startled motion as he curls further into himself, breathing ragged and wetness beginning to soak into the cloth of his knees. really? right now? his throat is rubbed raw and even the very labor of getting a wheeze out feels like absolute agony, so verbal communication here doesn’t seem like an option that he can take right now. still, his thoughts are loud and clear, defensive and bitter and oh so sorry: what the fuck. what the fuck. what do you want?

... you already know, don’t you? a sigh escape’s ozpin’s lips, presence light and shy, clearly a bit sheepish at the fact that he was around at all. after that grand disappearing act ( something that everyone else labeled as unfair abandonment, though oscar has a slightly different opinion on that matter ), it’s only natural that the wizard is reluctant to be around. to be here for you, something that i had previously failed at quite spectacularly. oscar scoffs. right. that must be it. what a joke. it was already obvious to him, clear as day. they were bound together, linked by an unfortunate rope of fate that put one of the most powerful men on the planet with some pathetic weakling that can’t even do his job without getting cold feet--

oscar, please. it’s a pressing, imploring tone, edging out to something that could possibly be described as sad. ( it still feels euphoric. it’s an addicting sort of validation that only draws in guilt. he doesn’t deserve any of this if he’s practically begging for it through the use of a panic attack. how deplorable. ) ozpin continues on, quiet yet firm: you’ve done more than what anyone could have ever asked you to do. never mind the addition of your age or life circumstances-- this, to any human being, would have had them meet their breaking point much, much earlier than you.

you’ve been strong. liar. more than i could have ever expected from you. stop. stop. i’ve been alive for far too long to not be able to recognize your efforts. you’ve been overworking yourself. but he’s not, he’s really not. it wasn’t true. if he was, then--

‘ then why is everything i’m doing never enough? ‘

his breath hitches. oscar is forced to stare at the wall tiling, the vague image of a warped reflection looking all too brown and black. discomfort dancing from one organ to the next, he tries to imagine dark greens, soft silvers. it’s a warmth that he’s desperate to have. some guidance. some way to keep going forward so he can ignore this ugly mess inside of his chest. inside his mind, he feels from ozpin a sensation that could only be described as a forlorn look gazing down at him, unsure but all too familiar. what would be enough, oscar? tell me.

the question leaves the boy a strange sense of winded, eyebrows knitting together as the frown remains on his face. he sniffles, bare hand coming up to rub at his eyes, hiccuping as he forces out words, something to regain control of the conversation, to regain footing on his very own uncertainty. “ i-i-- i would have been able to, i don’t know, fix this easier. i would have been able to tell them what they could do so they d-didn’t have to risk their lives like this. i would have been strong enough to be able to lead them to wherever the lamp needed to go. “ it sounds ridiculous. he knows it is, but it keeps spilling out, as if someone had forcefully broken open his dam. “ i would h-have been able to tell him that you were gone, and that it was j-just me. “ ( while the pain has disappeared, he will never, ever forget the sensation of having his back shoved against that wall, fury in the blond’s eyes and the reach that oz had made during it. ruby had yelled at him, made him stop in his tracks. oscar hadn’t been able to do anything. anything at all. ) “ i-i would have known what to do-- “

i didn’t know what to do, oscar. ozpin interrupts, clearly not wanting to hear anything more from the boy at the moment. his presence is heavier now, closer to the surface and beside the child. vague instructions and sprinklings of hope. ha ha. it would be unfair of me to think that you would know either. another sigh. this time, it’s both of them in sync. oscar feels his heart rate begin to settle more and more. it still hurts. i left you. after all the measures i had taken to control you. a pause. ... both physically and mentally. 

i never stopped to think anything about praise and encouragement past our shared duty. i never celebrated you for who you were, simply a means to an end by my own action. but that was fine, oscar thinks, incredulous at the statement. it’s fine, because he won’t exist in time, so ozpin could do whatever he wanted, right? right? the wizard frowns. of course not. do you really think i’m above being held accountable for my actions? should miss xiao long and everyone else not been furious with me?

oscar pauses, swallowing a hard lump that had begun to grow in his throat during the conversation that he had neglected to pay any mind to earlier. he can’t say that. he can’t say that because he felt the very same anger right in the beginning, when he had dragged himself out of the depths of his mind and stopped ozpin from taking back the relic. he was angry because it was wrong. he was angry because he thought they were fighting for a justice that deserved honesty. he understood why his cheek had been sore for days after qrow had rushed ahead to give oz a strong right hook. they had been betrayed. 

you had been betrayed.

after i had insisted that you could trust me. it’s a wan, self-loathing sound that echoes through oscar’s mind. he isn’t used to this. this overt display of... well, anything human. it had stopped after the ex-headmaster had run away. his crying had been a phenomenon that oscar had not completely grown to accept as normal yet. whether or not i’m proud of my actions doesn’t excuse what i’ve done to everyone. you especially, oscar.

please don’t try to hold a burden that no single person should bear. oscar closes his eyes. please don’t ignore how much you’re hurting. he’s shaking. there’s tears again, reintroduced. please don’t make the same mistakes i did. 

“ i-i don’t know what else to do. “ the boy chokes out, no longer hyperventilating but so, so sad. he’s holding the cracking pieces of his spirit and begging for direction. “ there’s so much to do, w-we don’t have time for this.��“

i do, oz says. i have more than enough ‘time for this’, oscar. especially after everything. a puzzled quirk of the child’s brow. i...

... i want you to be able to grow on your own, oscar. what a kind, gentle voice. my interruptions do little to help you with your autonomy. i’m enough of an overbearing presence already without the whole subject of possession. a sniff from the smaller one. i understand that it feels both too early and too late, with the complications i’ve thrown into the mix, but... you deserve to be able to mature into your own self. 

so please don’t ignore your own feelings, the entity pleads, and in that moment, oscar, more than anything, just wants to hug the other and not let go. it’s overwhelming. to be honest, i’d be insulted if you decided to go down the path of being as foolish as me. he feels a tingling in his arm, not too forceful but still a bit leading. he follows the sensation and, in a strange movement, ends up rubbing his own hair. a confused look. i can’t manage much more at the moment without being disrespectful, ozpin answers, letting the smallest suggestions of a smile begin to hint at his voice. but i’ve always been a good listener, if you ever need an ear from the local curse in your mind. 

something bubbles in him. oscar doesn’t know what until midway of it happening-- a chuckle. it doesn’t sound the most delicate, as his throat had recently been assaulted by his own dread, but it’s so much sweeter compared to all the previous panicked babble and anxiety coming from his own mouth. the corners of them are beginning to upturn into the smallest grin. “ o-okay. i’ll try. “

i’m yours for the rest of the night and always after, mister pine.

“ ... alright. “ 

in the unspoken recesses of his thoughts, he makes a promise, a tiny thing, but nevertheless dear and precious beyond anything else.

‘ i’ll try. ‘

[nishi-key]

evergreen (G; for the middle blocker kindaichi yuutarou)

my piece for the middle blocker zine, which i only bothered to post now because i completely forgot that my blog is my portfolio. i received my copy of the book recently. thanks to everyone who made it possible! it’s absolutely gorgeous!!

rest of the fic under the cut. it’s...a bit of a read.

The plant is a young purple shamrock, for now nothing but clumps of tiny triangular leaves sprouting out from the soil in an overly-large pot.

It’s a present to Yuutarou for his thirteenth birthday, and though it’s not exactly on his wish list, he takes and looks at it as though it’s the vast, fragile universe—and it is, in its own special way, he figures. It’s a life smaller than he’ll ever be. He now holds its existence like he holds his food or homework or volleyball, and for a boy without much of a concept of what life is beyond these things, it feels incredible.

His mother names the flower with a bright grin on her face. “I got it for you because it’s one of the easiest plants to keep at home,” she tells him, “but the woman who sold it to me said it’s magical.”

Yuutarou raises an eyebrow.

“No, it’s true! It’s a magical shamrock that’ll watch over you, and everything you do. Take care of it well enough and it might just have something to say about your luck and successes.” She winks.

He knows better than to believe her; he’s not a baby, and he’s not about to get manipulated into poring over a bunch of leaves under the impression that it’ll give him a better life. He does thank her for the thoughtful present, though, listens to her drone on about how to keep it alive and promises to try his best with it as he takes it to his room and places it on his desk. Not a bad spot, he thinks, and makes a mental note to water it for the first time. Maybe later.

The plant is doing fairly well, from the looks of it.

It’s like owning a pet, having a plant under his wing, only not as cute and cuddly. It’s more of a new, relatively simple chore he carries out without the need to get nagged. It’s nothing special, nothing remotely interesting, so when his friends find out on the first day they come over, it’s anything but momentous.

"Wait, your mom said it was magic?" Kunimi asks once he finishes relaying the story, now months old.

"Yeah. I guess she was just trying to find a way to get me to give it lots of attention. Dunno why she bothered; it’s not really that needy." Yuutarou shrugs.

Kageyama stares at it with more wonder in his eyes than Yuutarou had when he’d received it. "You should take care of it, magical or not," he says, gingerly touching the tips of the flourishing dark purple leaves. "It’s pretty big, having to keep something alive like this."

"I know. I will," Yuutarou assures him, and relishes in his small smile and nod—not a sliver of doubt in the back of his mind, though there should be, about how well both he and Kageyama’ll be able to keep the important things alive as the years go by.

The plant is generally satisfied, and gradually gains more color, the pinkish white of flowers beautiful amidst the purple.

He doesn’t become a popular guy by any means. He’s easily the tallest kid in the volleyball club but his attacks don’t make the crowd go wild, and they never defeat Shiratorizawa. He’s pretty good at English and Science but his Math teacher always tells him he should do better. He’s welcoming and conversational but his circle of friends is small, his confidence and complete trust concentrated only on two in the bunch.

He wishes for more, as anyone would, and sometimes he finds himself looking at his plant (which beams along with him at every compliment Mom gives), thinking of the magic, but he instantly feels ridiculous, knows that wishes are for people who don’t know how to take action.

So he tries to stay content instead, and like this—with his friends’ bravery and Mom’s cooking and Dad’s advice—the years fly on by.

The plant was fine yesterday. It was.

In their third year, unexpectedly and out of nowhere, Kageyama gets mad at him.

"What the hell? That sucked," he says, eyebrows already knitted, after Yuutarou spikes one of his tosses and lands it out of bounds. "Did you slack off over break or something?"  

"Huh?" Yuutarou blinks at him. It’s three thirty and barely anyone on the court has jumped, let alone found a reason to get frustrated. "No? I—we both just miscalculate sometimes, or do something wrong without meaning to. It happens.”

"Try again,” Kageyama instructs, or maybe orders, but Yuutarou doesn’t want to think of it like that. “And make it score this time.”

"I will, I swear."

The image of the calm, collected Kageyama’s deepest scowl to date unwarrantedly plasters itself onto the forefront of Yuutarou’s memory, stays there all the way home. Maybe it was a bad day, he thinks, tells himself that everyone has the right to lose their cool when things don’t go their way—and right at that moment loses his own when he sees his plant sagging.

It isn’t even that bad; the flower stems are only a little bent and the leaves a little wrinkled, but his breath hitches and he drops everything and sprints downstairs so urgently that Mom has to sprint back up with him to make sure he doesn’t trip on his own feet and die trying to bring a plant back to life.

"It’s not the end of the world, Yuu," she tells him, caressing his back as he attempts to rejuvenate his charge. “These types of plants can look under the weather when the temperature isn’t quite right. It happens."

He drinks her words in the way he wishes the plant drinks the water, feels himself cooling down in its place. A little too cool perhaps, when he stares at the moist leaves and sees a poorly-spiked ball and glaring blue eyes and realizes that it isn’t hot at all, but he shuts his eyes, listens to the soft echoes in his mind:

“It happens.”

The plant is healthy again. It just needed a little water.

A 500-yen coin greets him on the floor of the hallway the next day and he picks it up, turns it in his fingers, stares at it for long enough that a still-sleepy Kunimi somehow finds time to join him.

“Find that on the floor?” he asks. “Keep it. Looking around for the owner and the Lost and Found are too much work.”

“Is that really okay?”

“Think of it as a reward for all the effort you’ve been putting into Math lately.”

Yuutarou, unable to argue with the logic and his desire for a reward, pockets the money.

Right before lunch, they’re handed back their tests, Yuutarou’s sporting a high 95 circled in red right beside his name. He grins from ear to ear when he sees it, offers the paper to those who ask to see, and practically brandishes the thing in Kunimi’s face when they meet up to eat.

Kunimi smiles in earnest, says, "Looks like today’s a good day for you," and it’s the best thing Yuutarou has ever seen.

At practice, he runs faster and jumps higher than ever before. His teammates clap him on the back, tell him he’s doing good today, and he makes conversation about Nationals because it feels right. His grin is almost permanent on his face, until a serve hits Kageyama’s and all hell breaks loose, the livid setter grabbing a trembling wing spiker, several inches taller, by the shirt.

"You have the nerve to talk about Nationals," Kageyama demands, above the litany of apologies, "with a serve like that?"

"Kageyama, calm down!" Yuutarou cries as others yank Kageyama’s hands away. "It was an accident, okay? He said he’s sorry."

"That’s not the point!"

"We’re going to get better," Yuutarou continues. "That’s why we’re here at practice. To improve. Better to make all the mistakes here and correct them so we don’t repeat them when it matters."

It comes out of nowhere, but it works. Kageyama pauses, his balled fists relax, and he averts his gaze, clicks his tongue and mutters an apology before turning away. Yuutarou supposes it’s good enough, but his stomach twists in not-so-subtle knots when their captain sets a hand on his shoulder and tells him he did well, and the rest of practice feels like floating on air.

When he gets home that evening, his shamrock is thriving. He isn’t sure why that scares him, ever so slightly.

The plant is fluctuating from bright and beautiful to complete garbage.

"You don’t think it’s actually magical, do you?"

They eye the plant on the desk, still and harmless, like it’s a monster on top of Yuutarou’s desk.

"What makes you think it could be?" Kunimi asks.

"Whenever something good happens to me, I get home home and see it perfectly fine. But whenever something bad happens, it looks dry and sad,” Yuutarou explains. “I can’t figure out if it reacts to what happens to me or if my day is determined by how it’s feeling."

"That’s dumb," Kageyama says immediately, like Yuutarou hadn’t just finished honestly speaking his mind. "There’s no way a plant can be magic. You probably just pay more attention to it on your good days and end up neglecting it on your bad ones so it reacts to how you treat it. Simple enough."

Yuutarou frowns. "These types of plants don’t need to be watered all the time. They’re really easy to keep alive."

"Then why’s yours dying every other day?"

"It’s not dying!"

"Why are you yelling?"

"Because—" Yuutarou yells until he realizes he is, and he pinches his mouth shut, because arguing is too much work. He exchanges glances with Kunimi instead, thinks maybe they won’t be inviting Kageyama over next time.

He sees the both of them out half an hour later, silently eats his dinner and washes up, and when he once again steps inside his bedroom, his shamrock’s flowers and leaves are falling.

The internet is packed with good reads on effective plant care, he finds, and he stays up after doing his homework to go through them. At practice, he messes up the timing for the block and brings the other team to match point. He hears his teammates sigh.

I’m a terrible blocker, he thinks, and he doesn’t look them in the eye for the rest of the day.

Online sources are limited and inconsistent, he decides, so sometimes he spends his breaks in the library, reading up on plants and how they work, the effects of temperature on their consistency and growth, the effects of anything at all to their resilience. In the hall, two sprinting boys knock him aside in their haste, and he apologizes to their retreating backs.

I’m such a pushover, he thinks, and in class he shrinks in his seat.

Science tells him nothing, so he scours for reliable material on the unexplainable, because that’s what his plant is. It follows no rules, it’s unpredictable, and it’s ruining his life. If he can’t control the magic, he cries in his mind, he can’t control his life.

"Yuu, it’s getting really late. You can do that tomorrow. Go to bed," says the person who brought this magic to him, standing by his doorway minutes before midnight. "If you don’t sleep early, you’re not gonna reach six feet."

Yuutarou has nothing to say to that; he buries his face in his book.

"Yuu. Can you hear me?"

He frowns.

Mom does too. "Okay, well, if you feel like talking tomorrow, I’ll be here. Get some rest, okay?"

She closes the door as quietly as she can, and the click of the lock shatters Yuutarou’s cold facade as well as his heart. I’m an awful son, he thinks, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

At practice, Kageyama’s mood only plunges, and Yuutarou doesn’t know what to do with him either. He sends tosses that are too fast and complains when no one can get them. He talks about getting faster, where’s the improvement, we have to win, we have to win—until the we’s become I’s, what used to be fun and challenging now a mere test of strength against what’s apparently a beast, a monster.

Yuutarou’s patience plunges too. No matter what, he thinks, I’ll never be worse than this guy. And he feels better about himself.

The plant has recovered.

Everything on the court gets worse the louder Kageyama yells, and when tournaments roll around, he’s the only thing Yuutarou’s sure he can block out. He hates that he has to; he still tries to treat Kageyama the same as before, but the minute he hears that sharp voice demanding he move faster jump higher match my pace, he cracks just a little bit more, and he’s well past breaking point.

He has been for a long time; he’s known that since he and Kunimi first spoke privately with their coach.

Their final match of the year, as a team, is no different. He tries and he tries but there’s nothing he can do about the monstrous toss. His jumps are futile, his words don’t go through. The time-outs don’t clear any of their heads. Kageyama never listens, never slows, and Yuutarou’s tired of moving too slow for him.

So he doesn’t move at all.

He stops in his tracks, keeps his eyes on Kageyama’s focused ones and watches them change—wide in anticipation, wider in surprise, even wider in confusion—as the alarmingly-fast ball rises and falls for the last time. Kageyama is benched, and the glare he used to direct at Yuutarou and the rest disappears under the shadow of his fringe, and that’s the last that Yuutarou needs to know about that.

They lose, of course. But the defeated look on Kageyama’s face convinces Yuutarou he’s won something. He feels stronger as he heads home, like he’s conquered a heavy weight on his shoulders, like he’s done something right for the first time in his life. The night sky is dark but it’s as though the clouds are making way for a bright sun overhead, one that tells of a future where nothing will ever make him feel so small again.

He heads up to his room in high spirits, but in the moment he opens his door he also reels back, drops all of his things, and tries to blink himself out of what he hopes is a cruel dream.

The plant is dead.

“It had to be a pest or something,” Mom says. “I can’t imagine how else this could have happened.”

The once-beautiful leaves of his shamrock are curled in on themselves, shrunken and weak, holes drilled into them like they’d been set ablaze. It makes Yuutarou feel sick but he can’t tear his eyes away, only blinks the wetness out of them as his chest grows heavy and his stomach sinks.

"We’ll do a little more research on this, okay? I remember reading that these kinds of plants can resurrect, or something like that. Maybe it still has a chance."

"Please throw it out."

Mom seems to stop breathing. "What?"

Yuutarou sucks in all the air he can find. "Let’s just throw it out."

"Ah—but—" She pauses, then gently rubs his shoulders. They’re higher than hers already. "Okay. Okay. Let’s just get a new one, yeah?"

"No."

"No? You don’t want to replace it?"

"I don’t."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He feels her gaze on him, piercing and studious, but she doesn’t say anything he doesn’t want to hear. She sighs, takes the pot, and moves to head out the door. "I’ll bring this to the yard for you, all right? Dinner’ll be ready soon. Oh! And how was your game?"

The question sets his skin on fire, punctures his heart like it’s a dying purple leaf. "We lost," he mumbles, turning away. "We lost."

The plant has been buried underground for quite some time.

“Okay, Kindaichi, your turn!”

He steps to the front of the line and grabs a ball from the cart, tries to calm himself down even in the face of Oikawa’s toothy grin. It isn’t Yuutarou’s first time hitting his sets but the nerves never leave, and every run-up for a spike is like the moment of truth, make or break, match point.

He knows it shouldn’t be, and it makes a difference, but when he runs and swings and ultimately misses, he still clams up, turns to Oikawa with a barrage of excuses and apologies ready to leave his mouth, and the only thing that stops him is Oikawa’s still-smiling face.

"Your timing’s a little slow, huh?" he says. "Think you can go a little faster than that?"

The word ‘slow’ makes him want to shrink. But he looks at Oikawa’s patient gaze and reminds himself this isn’t middle school anymore. This isn’t Kageyama anymore, and Yuutarou is six feet tall, has a voice he’s used only a few times before, a voice that might as well wilt and die with his shamrock if he doesn’t ever use it again.

"Maybe," he says, but before Oikawa can beam too much, nervously adds, "but right now, can I not?”

Oikawa’s smile vanishes for the first time, and Yuutarou has to conceal his cringe for the better part of a minute before it comes back, wider than ever. "Well. I appreciate your being straightforward," he says, clapping a hand on Yuutarou’s shoulder, and Yuutarou has to work on controlling his gape instead. "I’ll accept that answer for now. Practice with me so I can get your timing right, okay?"

The yes that escapes from Yuutarou’s smiling lips is as loud as it is elated.

The plant is doing wonders for the garden soil it’s buried in.

Somehow he finds himself standing in front of Kageyama again one day, his own team fresh from a loss in their practice match. It’s odd to see him clad in black, but that’s the least of Yuutarou’s problems, now that the King of the Court stands before him wearing a different kind of crown.

He hadn’t come up with that nickname but he’d embraced it all the same, and when he’d heard that Kageyama’s school was coming over, he’d been intrigued rather than enraged. It would make for good entertainment, he figured, getting to watch Kageyama yelling at people he isn’t required to care about, and a good way to know for sure that where he is and where Kageyama is truly are meant to be different.

But that’s not what he sees, and ultimately, he ends up here, yelling at Kageyama and not the other way around, because Kageyama is different—from his faces on the court all the way up to the lightning-quick toss he now manages to score with. It has Yuutarou’s fists trembling as he screams, "Don’t apologize!" in front of a bashful King’s face, and he honestly can’t believe he has to.

What other things come out of his mouth, he doesn’t remember. They might be a little cruel, a little untrue, a little overconfident of him, but it helps him hold his head up high, and look Kageyama straight in the eye as he nods in agreement with everything Yuutarou had gotten off his chest, and says:

“Next time we fight, we’re going to win again.”

The we is a shot right through the heart. The way Kageyama leaves with his new partner is a dagger to his back. But as he looks to the ceiling, despite the feeling of defeat, he can neither help his smile nor understand why. He retreats to his own team with Kunimi, thinks about how Kageyama has changed, and how he isn’t the only one who has.

The plant is a dwarf lemon cypress, a fair height and vibrant green, and it’s been growing in a pot inside one of the second story bedrooms for the better part of a year now.

He finds it after another devastating loss to Shiratorizawa, and the first thing he thinks is it’s so beautiful. His eyes are still a little puffy from the tears but he stares at the bright leaves all shaped like miniature trees, gently runs his fingers through them, feels his heart swell.

“Oh, you found it.”

Mom stands by the doorway, leaning against the frame and smiling at him. Yuutarou shouldn’t be surprised—it’s her room, after all—but his mouth can’t make words and his eyes are wide, only able to stare at her.

“Purple was pretty, but also pretty depressing, so I figured you could use something green this time. The color of life, environment, renewal, and growth,” she says, like that stare had demanded an explanation. “And I thought it might be nice to get something taller, so you can get taller and tower over everyone on the court.”

The smile on her lips and in her eyes is so warm, and Yuutarou sniffles, breathes out a laugh. The first thing he thinks to say is incomprehensible, something he never would have asked three years ago. “So it’s magic too?”

“Hmm. The saleslady didn’t say it was magical this time.” Mom stands beside him and rests a hand between his shoulder blades. “But I’d say that the plants never had the magic from the start. It’s the amount of love and care you give it to keep it alive despite everything that happens in your life, good or bad, that makes it magic. Agree or agree?”

This time, Yuutarou’s laughter finds its voice. “Agree.”

“Do you want to move it to your room and take over now?”

“I’m fine with keeping it here for a while.”

“Okay. But only until you turn twenty; that’s when I’m legally allowed to stop caring about you so much.”

“Aww, make it thirty.”

“Too much! Twenty-one.”

“Twenty-nine! I’ll help you with it anyway.”

Mom’s shoulders shake with her giggling. “Fine,” she says, and Yuutarou leans on the shoulder he used to cry on as a child.

The plant has thrived even more since its discovery, basking in the heat, surviving in the cold.

“Captain Kindaichi sure handled that arrogant first year pretty well earlier, huh?”

Yuutarou snaps to attention and raises an eyebrow at the grinning teammates that surround him. “What?”

“The first year who yelled because our play wasn’t ‘the best we could’ve done’. You pulled him aside during the time-out and talked to him, right? Nice, nice.”

“It wasn’t much,” Yuutarou says, hunching over and pulling ahead of rest of the group leisurely strolling on the lamp-lit sidewalk. “And it’s not entirely new either. Kyoutani-san was like that to the third years back then, and Yahaba-san learned to deal with him, so I should be able to do something like this.”

“Yeah, we know, we’re just complimenting you, dumbass. Where’s our thanks for thinking you’re the best captain we could’ve hoped to have this year?”

“Well, thanks,” Yuutarou deadpans, but he doesn’t walk any faster. “I never asked for compliments, though. A captain’s only as good as his team, anyway; I lead, but we all do our best together. And when I inevitably screw up, you’re all there to pick up the pieces.”

“Or,” Kunimi interjects, sending a slap to his arm, “you could stop being all mature for a second and learn to take a compliment.”

The rabble erupts in a chorus of laughter and haphazardly-thrown punches, and he makes a face at them, glues their grins to his memory, and announces that they’re making a stop at a nearby store for some snacks, captain’s treat. Only for a while though, he emphasizes once the cheering dies down, so he can still get home in time to help Mom with dinner.

The plant has seen bad days and better days, but it grows. And it’ll keep on growing; Yuutarou will make sure of it.

[mst3kproject]

507: I Accuse my Parents

This is apparently tied with Hercules Unchained for Joel's favourite episode.  It begins with a surprisingly depressing short in which the narrator is downright proud of the exploitative and ecologically destructive nature of the vegetable industry.  Then we cheer up with the heartwarming tale of Jimmy, a young man who blunders obliviously into crime because his parents never hugged him – just one of the many excuses that only work for rich white kids!

Jimmy Wilson is a bright, popular student who likes to tell lies about his home life, and when you consider that his parents are drunks who hate each other, it's hard to blame him.  Things seem to be looking up when he gets a job at a shoe store and begins a whirlwind romance with a singer named Kitty Reed, but this only leads him further into trouble.  He gets mixed up in the criminal dealings of mobster Charles Blake, eventually having to flee from the law and ending up on trial for manslaughter.  At the trial he blames his parents' neglect for his behaviour, and the judge accepts it and suspends his sentence because he's a Good Kid With a Lot of Promise. In the world we live in, that will apparently get you forgiven for all kinds of things.

The final shot in the film is a card telling us that this movie will be sent overseas to entertain the troops in Europe.  What?  Why? This is a movie about how important it is to be involved in your child's life.  Why would you show that to soldiers who've been away from their wives and children for months and don't know when they'll be going home?  Way to guilt trip the guys who are trying to fight a war for you.

One thing you'll notice about this movie, even if only by reading a plot summary, is that it goes to great lengths to make sure Jimmy never actually does anything wrong on purpose.  He considers stealing from his boss at the shoe store when he's sent to the bank, but doesn't.  He plans to rob Al's diner, but Al talks him out of it. All the crimes he committed for Blake he did in blissful ignorance, believing he was merely a delivery boy.  He doesn't even realize he's not supposed to be dating Kitty, since he has no idea that she and Blake are in a committed relationship.  The writers seem to fear that if Jimmy were to knowingly commit a crime we would immediately lose all sympathy for him.  Rather than take that risk, they keep him in the dark about what's going on, and as Joel and the Bots repeatedly observe, he therefore comes across as rather dim.  This has the opposite of the intended effect, making it harder to sympathize with Jimmy as we feel he really ought to know better.

Something kind of similar is done with Kitty.  She works for Blake at the Paradise Nightclub, which he appears to own, but all we ever see her do for him is sing.  If she's involved in any of his criminal activities, we are not privy to it.  She is presented as somebody who is fully aware of the world she's fallen into and wanting out of it, and Jimmy, the innocent, good-hearted shoe salesman, may just be her ticket to a more wholesome life... yet she, too, avoids knowingly doing anything wrong outside of her illicit affair.  The writers probably did this so that we would feel she 'deserves' upper-class Jimmy, but again that's not quite the effect they achieve.  Instead, Kitty Reed ends up seeming a whole lot more interesting than her blandly nice beau, and I found myself thinking she could do way better!  I actually kind of want to see a movie about how she got where she is.

So that's I Accuse my Parents, a movie in which the main characters are criminals who never commit crimes.  It reminds me of The Sinister Urge with its PG pornography, even though the moral of the story is much more like The Violent Years.  As in The Violent Years, the movie is also rather contrived.  The situations we're seeing never feel natural – they're always things the film has set up on purpose to teach us a lesson.  Naive and responsible Jimmy just doesn't feel like the product of a broken home.  Sunny Kitty doesn't come across as a mobster's moll, except in the scene where she breaks Jimmy's heart, and then we know she's putting it on.  Al offering a job to the kid with a gun is absurd.  Jimmy's fall into crime happens as a series of coincidences.  These aren't real people living out real events, they're actors in a morality play, and we are never quite able to forget that.

Yet despite all that, for some weird reason I Accuse my Parents is actually a pretty engaging movie.  Even the Brains seem to have gotten into it, judging by the host sketches.  When the movie was boring we tended to get things like Monster A-Go-Go's random games of keepaway or Viking Women and the Sea Serpent's celebration of waffles, but almost all the sketches of I Accuse my Parents are based on the movie itself. How does such a silly, artificial film draw us in like that?

I think a lot of it has to do with the pacing.  Every scene in I Accuse my Parents actually does something, establishing character or moving the plot along.  Bits that could have been tedious, like Jimmy's deliveries or his time on the lam, are glossed over with montages.  The closest the film comes to wasting time is with Kitty's three songs, but even these serve a purpose.  They're not very memorable but they're not bad, either, and each is chosen to speak to both Kitty's and Jimmy's emotions in the moment they're performed.  By keeping both of them in sync with the lyrics, the movie helps build the bond between the two characters and makes us want to root for their relationship.

The entire purpose of I Accuse my Parents is, of course, the moral.  Unlike many of the movies featuring old-looking 'teenagers' that appeared on MST3K, I Accuse my Parents is not targeted at a teenage audience.  Instead, it's looking to say something to that audience's parents, reminding them that their children need them. The Violent Years tried to do the same thing, but failed.  I Accuse my Parents is a bit more successful, because of another thing it does right: it explores exactly how Jimmy's relationship with his parents works, and gives us specific examples of things they could have done differently.

In The Violent Years, Paula Parkins' parents are chronically absent, but what we do see of them suggests that they love her and are trying their best.  In I Accuse my Parents, the mother and father seem to have no interest in Jimmy whatsoever.  Paula is able to have reasonably warm conversations with both parents.  They don't know she's in trouble, but that's because she deliberately lies to them.  Jimmy, on the other hand, would be happy to tell his parents what's going on in his life, both the good and the bad, but he can't get a word in edgewise.  Paula's parents probably tried to help her when they found out about her life of crime.  Jimmy's parents don't even let him tell them he needs help.

Although the characters of Mr. and Mrs. Wilson are exaggerated in order to make the movie's point, there are moments in their relationship with Jimmy that feel uncomfortably familiar.  I think we can all remember a time when we tried to share something with a busy parent and were brushed aside.  We can also all remember lying awake in bed reliving an embarrassing moment over and over, thinking of all the million ways we could have prevented it if we'd seen it coming – which we feel we really should have.  These moments ring true, and that gives the entire movie a big boost.

The end of the movie suggests that Jimmy's parents have realized the error of their ways and will be more attentive to him in the future... but we are only told this, and so it doesn't make the impression that the earlier events did.  I would have kind of liked to see them find the note he left them, and realize that something's been going on, or maybe have them apologize to him at the end of the courtroom scene.  As it stands, his forgiveness of them for their neglect – and theirs of him for calling them out in front of the court – seems to come far too easy.

The other thing that seems to be missing from the movie is any sign of the resentment Jimmy displays in the courtroom scene, when he declares his parents should never have had a child.  I think this is supposed to be manifested in his compulsive lying about his home life, but that never actually seems bitter.  It's more of a fantasy world he has created for himself, and comes across as wistful rather than angry.  If Jimmy were in the habit of telling people that his mother never showed up at the PTA because she was chronically ill, or that his father wasn't around because he ran off with the nanny, that would seem resentful.  Writing an essay about how everthing at home is wonderful just makes it seem like Jimmy is unable to cope with reality.

I give a lot of left-handed compliments on this blog, and it feels really wishy-washy to say that I Accuse my Parents is pretty good for a bad movie.  I can't think of a better way to put it, though – like The Magic Sword or The Black Scorpion, it's not by any means a good movie and yet I quite enjoyed it. I probably won't watch it again, at least not without Joel and the bots at the bottom, but that's more because it's just not the sort of movie I watch than because it's particularly awful.  The music was fun and things moved along fast enough to keep me interested.  I even lost my place in my knitting a couple of times.  MST3K movies come a lot worse than this.