#what do i keep on getting straight up 39%'s on my tests

[averagelonelypotato]

i mean i know i suck at french grammar......but it would be nice to pass the class so I don’t have to pay more money and redo it🥺

[generallybrontidefeelings]

Stressed

Rating: NC-17

A/N: Brought to you by this post. I'm tired and sleepy and don't want to make any decisions. The degree is an actual MS you can get from American University in DC. U of Tennessee’s anthropology dept. hosts what’s called a body farm. It's a lab for forensic pathology students. Do NOT I repeat DO NOT look up pictures.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x reader, Marcus Pike x you

Summary: Marcus Pike is an associate faculty member at your forensics college. You ask him to be your second reader for your thesis, even though you have a huge crush on him. Nothing is better than something, right? By the time you pass your exam, you're so pent up you could scream.

Warnings: cadaver talk, pining, age difference, some power dynamics?, annoying college talk, sex, dirty talk, a God awful metaphor curtesy of Blanche Devereaux, 39

“Take a deep breath.”

You huff in a small shallow breath. Then let it out, and take in a longer, fuller one.

“Now let it out.” You let your cheeks puff up as cool air streams past your lips. “You’ve made huge improvements, and you’ve studied hard. The paper exam will be easy, and the oral will be a cinch.”

You gulp. “I know. It’s just...pre-show jitters, you know?”

He gives you a full smile, and flips the document shut. You hand him the binder clip, accidentally brushing his fingers when you do.

"Anything else I can do for you?"

You swallow, fiddling with your paper edge. God you feel like a twelve year old. You're fucking twenty-seven and about to apply for the FBI, why are you such a sap? He’s not available. Not even remotely. He will be gone in a year, back to the Bureau. There is no reason to nurse a crush. And you curse yourself for asking a man you’re attracted to - you, idiot, idiot! - to spend more time with you. Even if it is reading your dull chapter.

"No, I have everything I need, thanks."

"Then scoot. I have to read like...thirty pages of Tanner's chapter before he gets here."

You pull your bag to your shoulder. "you're not going to get that far," you scoff. The tensing in your shoulders relaxes a little when you stand to leave.

"We'll see," he says. He opens the door of his office for you. You glance back once more, and he's still in the doorway watching you go. "See you tomorrow."

"See you." Your mind swirls back and forth between thoughts of Mr. Pike, your thesis, Pike, your oral defence, your paper exam in two days, Marcus crossing his ankles in his reading chair. And you walk. Straight ahead, not looking back. But when you get to the door handle you turn around. And he's still there. Watching.

You've never been so stressed in your life.

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You met Marcus Pike on a muggy afternoon in August deep in the heart of Tennessee. The air warped off the pavement as you drove together to the School of Anthropology to visit your cadaver lying relaxed and prostrate in the middle of a fenced field. The air is already warm, then lightning flashes in the clouds to your right, and plopping rain drops scatter across the lawn, and dampens A-0017’s second hand suit. His raisinette hands lie against the grass almost like he’s communing with the earth. You watched the water hit his face, and permanently closed eyelids, and shaved head.

You had no business being so fidgety while kneeling next to a cadaver. Agent Marcus Pike and the facility director chat a couple feet away, leaving you to your business with A-0017. Pike had never been to the school’s mysterious forensics lab, even though he had plenty of time to when he was earning his own masters. That’s what he said in his email to you three weeks earlier. He’d heard a first-year student was running a fibrous material experiment and asked to tag along. And you said yes. Why not? He was faculty. It wasn’t unheard of. His email was so polite too, letting you know if you weren’t comfortable he understood. Pike. The name rattled a memory somewhere. So you emailed him back, and the next morning he sent you his itinerary: he would meet you in Tennessee. He’d even pay for the rental car.

You sent your advisor a quick text to ask if he was ‘crazy.’ She’d sent back the laughing emoji. No, she said, Marcus Pike isn’t a crazy. You’ll like him.

You did like him. He was waiting for you at the Hertz desk, and heat licked up your skin when you realized - he was striking. He was the type of man you’d make eyes at in a bar without any hope of even getting a number. His brown hair was neatly trimmed, and he had a softness brought on by a light scruff that didn’t hide his dimples. You barely registered that he was apologizing for not getting to introduce himself before flying out, but promised he was who he said he was. Even pulled out his credentials.

“Bureau?” you said to his badge. “I thought you were an associate professor?” You want to smack yourself.

Oh, “I am,” he replied. He dug in his wallet and pulled out a campus ID that matched yours. “I’m taking an interim year. I thought teaching would be a nice way to ease into DC life.”

Now he was here, sweating under the storm clouds while watching you unbutton A-0017’s shirt, and half listening to the director tell him all about how they kept the lawn looking green despite, ahem, fluids. You sternly told A-0017 to be on their best behavior while you pulled their shirt back to examine some fiber swatches stapled to his rubbery chest.

On the flight back Pike asked you all about your thesis plans. You stuttered as you began. He waited, patient. You were writing on how the FBI could contribute to cultural repatriation efforts internationally by returning art pieces. Do you know what it could do to boost scholarly opportunities? The doors it could open! Why put it in cold storage when it could revitalize movements? Art breathes, after all. You were exhausted by the time the plane landed. Both from answering questions, and from keeping a steadily building tension under wraps. You hoped he didn’t notice how you crossed your legs.

“I’d love to read it.” He handed your backpack down from the overhead bin.

“Maybe you should be my second reader.” You got serious when his face perked up. “I still need one.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That was nine months ago.

Your exams are in a week, and instead of thinking about preparing, all you can think of is that once everything is turned in, you probably won’t see Marcus again. He’s been your anchor these last months, and you’ve gotten used to his solid presence and encouraging platitudes. You cup your hot cheeks because it’s a dirty thought.

He lets you work in his office for a couple hours a week every week. The crammed little space is tight quarters, but he makes room for your laptop anyway. Sometimes you worked together heads bent for full time. Sometimes he read pages from your thesis, and you help him grade some papers from his first-year art history course. And sometimes you drink three pm coffee together and don’t work at all. It’s your favorite time of the week. The glow his praise gives you is embarrassing. And he’s an easy companion - nope, colleague. Your heart beats and your mouth waters every time you’re fifteen feet from his office door. The cold door knob jolts you took. You harbor a secret. Keep it warm in your belly. It swirls hungrily deep in you.

But now it’s a problem. You’re so distracted. Every time you leave his office, you’re tense from want. Your body is already over-caffeinated and achy from sitting in hard library chairs so long. But you keep going. Every time an anxious heat lights up the alarms in your head your instinct is to ask him what to do. You have to rest your hands in your head and remind yourself: he isn’t your babysitter, he’s a grown man who doesn’t have boundless time to tell you what to do. You have to figure it out yourself. Even if you really just want him to tell you what this or that section needs, is the title here misleading, is it lunch time, do you think the tone here is condescending?

What do you think? What do you want it to look like?

You think you want to grab his dumb button down collars and bite his lip. You want it to look flushed and tousled and desperate. You want to ride him in his reading chair with the door locked. It just isn’t fair.

The night before your first exam you take z-quil, drink lavender tea, and read a chapter of your favorite book to relax. Your phone buzzes at nine. It’s Marcus: good luck! You’re going to do great! Well. Better take some more Z-quill now that your heart is palpitating.

You pass both tests in excellent standing - MS in International Relations: complete. Pike attends the oral exam. Your skin goes hot when he smiles at you when the committee declares you exceed expectations. He invites you for a celebratory drink in the next couple days, which means you have two days to sternly wrangle your crush back into the dirty corner she came from.

You fail miserably.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look,” he says, setting his beer down on the glass bar counter. “I know it’s not my business, but you still look stressed out. Are your grades bothering you?”

The rim of your gin and tonic is wet with condensation from where your finger circles it. “No, they’re great.”

He bumps your shoulder with his. “Then what’s the damage? You’re jumpier than a…” he trails off thinking a good metaphor. He squints at you a little.

“A virgin at a prison rodeo?” you supply. He inhales sharply, eyes wide. “You can laugh.”

“I didn’t know you watched ‘The Golden Girls,” he says. His tone is admiring. “I was going to say jumpier than a graduate student giving their defense.” You purse your lips when he raises his eyebrows at you. “Can I help at all?”

You watch his Adam’s apple bob when he takes another sip of his beer. The soft orange lights in the bar spill around his jaw and throat, they flicker in his irises. His face in three quarter profile is august. You’re utterly exhausted from the polite ‘student mentor’ dance you’ve had to do for months while keeping your desire at bay. And more than that, you didn’t want to answer. You wanted to show him and let him decide. The sultry washboard and piano music give you that last boost.

You make sure he’s watching you, then you slowly reach out and wrap your fingers around his wrist.

Then you wait.

Marcus pauses from lifting his beer bottle, eyes glued to your hand on his wrist. It’s petite against him. He stares at your baby blue fingernails pairing beautifully with his Stirling watch - and he feels himself harden.

All the skin on your body stands at attention when he meets your eyes. Everything in them tells you he wants you just as bad. There’s a hesitant curve above his eyebrow though. You get it. You were his student - he’s such a sweet man he wouldn’t even dream of using a power dynamic like that to get laid. Your breath comes in short heaves.

“The semester ended thirty-six minutes ago,” you say over the music. He takes a deep breath. You aren’t his student anymore. Not according to the school, anyway.

You want him to decide. If he doesn’t, you’ll go home and fall apart under your fingertips thinking about how hot it would have been to lift your dress and sit on his cock while wearing your thigh highs.

“Do you want to leave?” You nod, resisting the urge to bite your lip.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus’s apartment is homey. Streetlights flood the floor of the living room through the street facing windows. You turn this way and that to inspect the dark areas that look like bookshelves while he hangs up your coat. You squeeze your hands at your sides, because this is happening. You’re in his house. The hardwood floor is cold under your stocking feet.

You jump when he puts his hands on your shoulders from behind you, holding you a mere inch from his body. You bite your lip when his nose bumps into the back of your head.

“Are you sure about this?”

“You already asked me that,” you reply, letting your head fall back on his shoulder. You want so badly to tell him to tell you what to do. That you don’t want to make any decisions. Brain is worn out. That you want to please him, and not think. Oh, to be a freshmen simply sponging up information.

“I know,” he slides his hands to your biceps and turns you around. “I can check in again, can’t I? He cups your face when you nod. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please,” you have to stop yourself from saying something incriminating, like mister Pike, or sir, or professor.

You clutch the front of his button down to anchor yourself when his lips brush yours. His mouth is soft. It coaxes you to open so he can dive into you, his tongue swipes your bottom lip, and you respond by pressing into him. You stay pliant under him, letting him lead. Your legs feel on the verge of collapse when you break away. You can’t stand it anymore.

“I want to suck your cock.”

Both of you freeze. For a second you wonder if you’ve given him a heart attack. But you watched his thighs on the car ride back and couldn’t stop thinking about kneeling between them. Your mouth waters. Marcus can’t breathe. He’s straining against his zipper. After your declaration he wants it too.

“Okay, honey,” he breathes. He brushes your ear with his thumb. “If that’s what you want, we’ll do that.”

He tries to draw you backward toward his room where he can turn on a lamp and properly pay tribute to your body, but you pull him back. You tug him to his mid-century armchair - he has the twin to it in his office. His mouth goes dry. You have to know. He looks into your face, and from the way you’ve averted your eyes, you know.

“Please?” you say. It sounds like a sob.

From this close you can smell the vanilla and bergamot of his soap. He sits, waiting for you. When you don’t move he holds his hand out for you to take.

“Come here, honey,” he draws you close. The top of your dress swings a little and he groans when he sees the break of your dress to what he thought were tights. Marcus studies your face in the second hand street light - your mouth parted, your eyes blown wide. Your hand in his is hot. “Hey, if this is overwhelming, or not what you want-”

“It is,” you correct him.

“Tell me what’s wrong then,” he requests. You feel pained. If you don’t say it now you never will.

“Tell me what to do.” Your head aches from the stress of carrying it for so long. “I’ve had to make my own decisions for months, and I don’t want to anymore. Just - for five minutes-” you bring your hands to your cheeks and press them against your hot skin. You watch as he realizes what you want. He nods in slow motion.

“Okay,” he says. “Kneel for me.” He gets even harder when you sink to your knees. Your hands rest in your lap. Waiting. He can’t believe this is happening. Thank goodness he’s going back to the Bureau in three months. He couldn’t face the other faculty - fuck, your advisor - after this. Leaning forward he cups your chin and kisses you. You squeeze your thighs together. He kisses your ear and says lowly, “take my cock out, honey. I want you to suck me off.”

When you take him in your mouth as far as you can, you look into his face. His mouth has fallen open. His ears have turned red from flushing. It’s indescribable. It makes your mouth water further around his hard length. It’s heavy on your tongue. You move up and down his shaft leisurely, trying to savor it. Letting saliva run down onto his skin as your tongue works the spongy head. You reach up to work the base with your hand when he tells you ‘no’.

“Just your mouth.” Fuck. You moan around him as a ripple pulls from deep in your core. The vibrations of you moaning make him jolt and heave. For a few moments he apologies while you breathe deeply, then resume. You take a mouthful of him. It’s feasting. It’s mindless.

His fingers brush the side of your face, and tenderly cups the back of your head. You want to make him understand this is what you want. So you slide down as far as you can comfortably, and wait. Swallowing thickly around his length

“Fuck, honey,” he groans. He gets it, taking both hands and moving your head the pace he wants. You can tell he hasn’t been asked for this often. Maybe ever. You close your eyes and just feel. His cock filling your mouth. Aches forming around your jaw. Tears leaking out of your eyes from your concentration. Your pussy wetting through your underwear. Marcus pulling your hair. You swallow hard, then he stops. And pushes you off.

You whine in protest.

“I hear you, honey,” he says softly. His voice is hoarse. “Another time. I want you to unwind right now.” Your pussy clenches.

He takes you back to his bedroom and helps you undress. He lifts your dress over your head, and kneels to help you out of your thigh highs. One day, if you’ll let him, he’ll fuck you with them on, but he likes to see all of a woman the first time he does anything to her. He kisses the bit of skin above the waistband of your panties before standing to kiss your lips. Your help him push them down your hips until they fall to your ankles. The soft gasp he lets out at the sight of your underwear and bare body is nothing short of gluttonous.

“Lay down.”

He strips while you watch. He does it without taking his eyes off of you. There’s hunger in them. This man has an appetite, you know it. The fabric rustles pleasantly between the sound of both of you breathing. Far away, ambulance sirens blare in another neighborhood, but here in his apartment the wet sound of cars passing in the rainy street are the closest accompaniment.

“I want to touch you here,” he tells you, palming your sex and making you squeak. It’s so forward.

“Do it,” you breathe, and part your legs further for him. He leans in and kisses your temple, murmuring ‘good girl’ and you swear you could black out.

You’re already so wet when his fingers part your folds to greet the new territory. “Did sucking my cock get you wet?” He sounds amazed. He tastes one fingertip before putting it back to tease your folds. “I wonder how wet you would be just holding it in your mouth while you read.”

“Oh-” a ripple works down your spine. He smirks. The tip of his finger brushes just inside your lips to tease your entrance.

“I’m going to put my fingers in you. You,” he pauses to kiss your cheek, “relax. You earned it.” He rubs his nose up and down yours, and you nudge him back just as he slips one long finger into you. You’re glad he’s being sweet like this. It’s the perfect blend of firmness and care. You want him to dominate you one someday, maybe, but right here and now, the combination of his low voice and steady fingers is ideal. Marcus kisses your cheek and mouth as he works his finger in and out of you. It’s thick and reaches further than you ever could. You spread your legs even further to tell him, more.

Without removing his hand he moves down your body to lick your clit. He sucks and flicks it as he coaxes more wetness out of your leaking cunt. Carefully he pulls the finger out and presses his wet hand to the inside of your thigh to keep you open. He laps into you, covering the muscles with lubricant because you’re going to need it. You see his face just as he decides you’re ready; it’s contemplative, like he’s concentrating. Then he slides two fingers deep into you.

“Oh, fuck, that’s so fucking good,” your voice crescendos. You reach for his shoulder as he comes up to lie beside you. His skin is warm under your palm. You buck your hips looking for something else, seeking, wanting-

“Stay still.” You still immediately. “Just feel it, baby. I want you to be ready for me.” You know what he means. His cock is thick and smearing against your hip. He was big in your mouth, he’s going to be big while pushing into you. His fingers keep moving while he kisses the tips of your nipples. When he takes one between his teeth and tugs you break. Your mouth opens, and your legs clamp reflexively around his wrist. Your pussy gushes around his fingers - you can feel it. You can feel how his movements change from a drag as a slide. He keeps pumping. He doesn’t give up until he’s sure you’ve felt every aftershock. He’d love to take his time and work a third in one day - if he can - but tonight, he wants to move on. After you swallowed his cock in his sitting room chair he’s been thinking of rewarding you.

You feel him slip his fingers out, and roll away to the nightstand. He looks back at you, and his eyes soften a little before he asks, “do you want me to use a condom?”

“No,” you say and reach for his bicep to pull him back toward you. He comes willingly. “I have an IUD. And I’m clean.” He smiles, flinging the packet over his shoulder. It makes you giggle, but it sounds hysterical to your ears. You watch him reach down and pump his cock with the hand that was just inside you. You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

“Look at me,” he orders. Your eyes snap open. Marcus crashes his lips on yours. The hand not dripping from your cunt cups the back of your head. “I want to see your eyes while I fuck you.”

His blunt head breaks into you, you lose all thought. He sinks further in, until you’re squirming on his length because he’s stretching you. You suck air in and will your body will stay still like he suggested for his fingers. You look into Marcus’s eyes the whole time, trying to tell him how good he feels. You can’t make the words leave your throat. He pulls your head to him, kisses your mouth until you compose yourself and lie still. Then he gets to work. The breadth of him stills you anew. For the first time in months you fully relax, hardly making a sound as he thrusts steadily. You stare into Marcus’s eyes while your mouth falls open as he slides into you, and listen to the wet sounds of your pussy and the bed frame creaking.

Then he starts talking.

“Do you know how good you look in those blue trousers? I want to grab your ass every time you wear them,” he rumbles. His pace picks up a hair, and he feels harder in you somehow. He drops to his forearm. “I love watching it when you walk out of my office.” You knew it. “And that damn cardigan you never wear a shirt under? Those buttons slip right open, don’t they?” He punctuates it with a deep thrust that makes you squeak. “Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Wear it over for dinner. I’ll bite your tits through it.”

He fucks into you harder, sending shivers up your spine with every thrust. It moves you up the bed until you have to reach a hand up and press back against the headboard. You clutch him with the other, looping around his shoulder to feel the muscles in his arms pull and tug as he moves in you, working you up to another release Soon enough, the coil in your belly tightens and he reaches to worry your clit with deft fingers. His eyes never leave you. You think this man could make the hardest fuck feel like making love.

“I need more,” you tell him. You’re too embarrassed to ask for what you want. A tear leaks out of your eye because his thickness is so good, but you want something else too. You always underestimate him. He grins because he knows - he’s a detective. He figured it out. He leans down to rest his forehead on your temple.

“You’re doing so well,” he says. You arch up into him, your breasts brush his chest. “Your wet pussy is so sweet. It’s taking me so well. Are you gonna be respectful? Gonna listen?” You have to hold your breath as your hips tense. “Be good and come on my cock.” Oh fuck. “Say it.”

Your voice is wet with joy. “Yes, sir.”

“Such a good girl.”

Sparks lick up your back and through your cunt, forcing Marcus deeper into when you lift your lips. He slows to let you enjoy all your release. He kisses your neck, your jaw, your lips. Then when he hears your content sigh, he buries his face in your neck and chases his own release. He comes with an accompanying rumble from deep in his chest. You moan in return and lift your lips to catch him as he slumps, barely holding his weight off of you.

Water runs in the washroom as you tug the sheets back. The light clicks off, and Marcus appears with a washcloth. His dimple appears when you lean back and let him clean your tender flesh. He sits on the edge of the bed next to your hips, running his knuckles on the soft side of your breast.

“Stay the night,” says. “I’ll cook you breakfast.”

“Hm,” you say, mock contemplative. You run your fingers down his chest. He preens under the affection. “I will. I feel really good.” Your cheeks tingle at the admission. He smiles wide and bright.

He comes back from putting the cloth in the hamper. You roll so he can run his hands the length of your side

“Thank you,” you murmur. He lifts his face from where he’s been peppering your waist with kisses. His brow is furrowed in amused confusion. “For being good to me. For caring about what happened to me.” You’ll tell him the horror stories your friends have from their college another time.

He sighs and cups your cheek. “I like doing it. You’re bright. Supporting you is a privilege. Especially when I know that brain is going to put us all to shame one day.” You could cry.

“I’ve liked you since the body farm,” you admit. He wrinkles his nose. “I know. Not very romantic.”

“I liked you since you thought my campus ID was more official than my FBI badge.”

“I didn’t think that!”

“Get some sleep,” he says. A wicked glint comes to his eye. “I am going to wear you out before lunch.” You wiggle to get comfortable in the sheets and he curls over your back to hold you to his chest.

Orange light peeks through the gap in his blackout drapes. You eye him over your shoulder then settle into the pillow. All the tension in your shoulders is gone.

part 2

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 39

Fandom: MCU Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!gifted!reader Content: Angst and threats. A/N: *hums innocently* Ask or re-blog for tag.

39. Tourniquet

... Loki   ...

Slipping unseen along the narrow passages reserved for the servants, Loki is steering towards the kitchens. His first thought had been to seek out Frigga and demand she tell him where his mortal is being kept...but at this hour she would likely be in the king’s company and even if she weren’t, the chances she would give him the desired information even now is minimal. Thankfully, servants have ears and eyes which they use eagerly during their tasks, soaking up a plethora of gossip to share when they meet.

A maid passes with a basket-full of dirty linen, providing the trickster with inspiration for a new disguise once she’s out of view.

Oh, how he misses the days when he could walk freely through the halls of Valhalla instead of hiding in the shadows. Admittedly, I did work unseen, Loki chuckles quietly by himself. The activities he had carried out changed as he grew up and his interests fluctuated, of course, but it had been his choice if he wanted to reveal himself to others. And I did it with a smile.

Narrow paths are converging as he nears the kitchens. The scent of roast meat simmering fills his nostrils – once more reminding him of days long gone, of feasts, of drinks shared in merry company – and as he steps into the realm of the cooks and scullions, he’s easily swept up by the efficiency of the people working hard. He grabs a rag and begins to dry off the dishes that have been washed.

“Even the prince looked shocked,” one maid stage whispers before heading up with a tray laden with silverware.

Wordlessly, Loki keeps his head low and listens to the gossip delivered by the servants who are going to and from.

“I heard Heimdal himself came to warn the All-Father,” a pimpled-faced youth causes the others to gasp in concern, “but queen Frigga already knew.”

A broad woman, still holding a butchering knife in one hand, slaps the back of the boy’s head. “Ha! Of course she did!” Turning back to her work, she keeps praising the All-Mother for her wits and the boy begins to relax until she suddenly whirls around again. “So don’t you go get any funny ideas, lad, you hear me? If you slack or cheat, it will be known.”

“Ye-no, madam!” he sputters in terrified confusion of what the right answer might be.

“Listen to her, Yngve,” one of the cooks concurs with a smirk under his moustache, “she’s worked here longer than any...she’d know from experience.”

“Ow, piss off,” she sneers but still sends the man a kiss. “All I’m saying’s you don’t want to risk the All-Father storming off to find you the way he marched towards the upper chambers.”

Loki’s ears perk at this, recalling the staff housing to the north in the castle.

Tugged away from the sun’s rays and with nothing by the barracks and a wall to look at, these rooms are used for the distinguished servants who deserve more than the shared dormitories below ground.

“How do you know how he was going?” the cook challenges.

With a huff and a thunk, she decapitates a pheasant. “I’ve got it on good authority: Ida, who had heard it from Pernille, told me.”

Weather or not the source is reliable, it’s as good a place as any to begin the search...presuming that the Midgardian hasn’t been tossed into a cell. Frigga had refused to share the information with her adopted son, claiming that he would do something reckless or foolish if he knew.

Oh mother...you have no idea to which extend I will go for this woman.

...   Reader   ...

You’re not keen on waking. Mind clinging stubbornly to the velvety calm as you hope you will be allowed to continue sleeping. But the voice calling out is insistent and rough hands have grabbed you by the shoulders, shaking you too roughly to ignore.

“Wake, mortal,” Odin’s voice roars straight in your face, startling you.

Thor’s voice breaks in. You can’t quite catch what he’s saying yet but you welcome the shift in hands as he holds you more gently, tilting you into a sitting position and allowing you a look at the scene unfolding around you.

Several guards are standing on alert, weapons pointed at you as if needing a deterrent to stop you from doing anything sudden.

The king has stepped back. Angry isn’t the right description of him. Standing with arms crossed arms and a scowl on the face, it’s his presence that makes the air in the room vibrate with the held-back force of a fire.

There’s another man whom you’ve only seen once before but not is the first time you instinctively know that he possesses a kind of magic that’s slightly different from the other Asgardians. His golden eyes glow like suns and seem to be the only parts of him showing any sort of emotion because he’s standing immobile, hands resting on the hilt of a large sword that’s balancing on its tip. Heimdal.

“Lady [Y/N],” Thor coaxes your attention back to himself, “what did you do?”

What did I...? You’re not sure how to answer that question. It certainly hadn’t been your intention to cause trouble, knowing how any inconvenience to the king of Asgard would mean a pain of problems for your plan.

“I...I didn’t mean to...” You look up at the blond god, not bothering to hide your fear. “What was...I felt lonely and I ju-just wanted -” tears begin to well in your eyes and you hear how small your voice sounds -”s-singing makes me-me-me feel better. W-what have I done?”

“Claiming innocence won’t help you, mortal.” Odin’s words crack like a whip, causing you to wince.

Thor, of course, notices. Eyes narrowing in concern before he speaks up, his gaze still locked on yours. “It is no secret, father, that she is still learning to control and understand her powers. I, for one, trust that this was unforeseen by her.”

“I must agree with the prince, All-Father,” Heimdal butts in quietly, “though the consequences will be dire.”

What consequences? “Please, what hap-”

“Silence!” You don’t dare oppose the king right now, so you shut up and shrink against Thor’s wide frame. “Do not test me. You come to my realm...you’re offered graces beyond any other mortal...and you repay me  by commanding an army to rise against me? ME!?” Spittle flies into his beard and a vein is bulging dangerously by the eye patch.

Your only answer is a squeaky little “what?”

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] The Pain of Healing:  Chapter 3 [end]

 Each of the Kaiser's slaves stood as straight as their bodies would allow, staring at where the Chosen were most likely to appear at.  DarkLizamon, two Dark Tyrannomon, and four Evilmon, all ready to unleash their attacks at the Kaiser's lightest words.  He waited, a twisted little smirk on his lips, as the Chosen and their partners emerged from the thickest of the woods, watching all around them nervously. 

He didn't wait very long to greet them.  "Chosen."  He almost spat the word out.  As if these people deserved to be Chosen.  Only he deserved that honor - Daisuke remained to be seen, given his status as the Kaiser's soulmate.

"Where's Daisuke?"  The blond demanded.  "You had to have done something to him!"

"I did?"  Kaiser did his best to look offended.  He was actually pretty good at that, since most people's existence offended him.  He'd told Daisuke to stay out of sight until he was told otherwise.  "Why would I do something to him?"

"Because he's not the sort of person who would just run away,"  the purple-haired girl declared.  "So you did something to him and Ichijouji Ken!"

Kaiser's lips twitched a fraction.  "I can say with perfect honesty that I've done absolutely nothing to Ichijouji Ken. Nor did I take Motomiya Daisuke anywhere without his permission."  Of course, that greatly depended on what one thought of as "permission". 

The other girl shook her head.  "We don't believe you."

"You don't have to."  Kaiser raised one hand slowly, savoring the drama of the moment.  He did so hope that Daisuke was paying attention.  This was all for him in the end, severing his ties to these idiots and reforging them where they belonged.  He was Kaiser's soulmate.  He belonged to no one else.

He snapped his fingers, and his forces surged forward, flames and claws ready to strike his enemies down.  He wasn't at all surprised to see the Chosen Armor Evolving their partners and getting into the battle.  That didn't make much of a difference to him.  He could always put Rings on his slaves again if he had to.  It might even make an interesting date with Daisuke. 

His eyes flicked briefly over to where he knew his soulmate waited out of sight.  Daisuke stared at the other Chosen, tension written large in every line of his body.  Kaiser caught his eye and smiled a trifle, not enough for the Chosen to notice, but Daisuke would see it.  Once this was taken care of, they could return to the fortress and rest for the evening. 

"What did you do to Daisuke?"  The blond surged forward through the array of enemies, hands gripping on his partner's mane, glaring at Kaiser with furious eyes of blue.  "Where is he? Where's Ichijouji Ken?"

"Why do you think that I know anything about that?"  Kaiser asked, still not displaying a hint of worry. He knew the plans that he'd made.

Takaishi snarled softly, staring down at him.  Then his eyes widened and he swallowed briefly, rage melting away to shock.  Kaiser smiled.  Daisuke had looked much like that on learning that his soulmate was the Kaiser.  Only that had been far, far sweeter than this.

"Takeru?"  The brunette girl flew closer on Nefertimon.  "What's wrong?"

"Don't you think if he really hadn't done anything to them, then he'd be a lot angrier?"  Takaishi asked, not taking his eyes off of Kaiser.  "This is a guy who loses his temper at the drop of a hat!" 

Kaiser sniffed; that wasn't even close to being true.  But he really didn't want to stretch this out forever.  He had plans for dinner.

"What do you think you're saying?"  Kaiser asked, affecting an offended tone.  The girl glanced at him, then at Takaishi. 

"If he's not really upset about us thinking he did something, then he did do it,"  Takaishi growled out each and every word.

"Really?"  Kaiser sniffed.  "That's your logic?  Because I'm not angry, I must have done something?  You're jumping to serious conclusions."  He tried very hard not to laugh, no matter how difficult it was.  "Pray, tell me what it is that I could have done to them, or why?"

The youngest boy stared at Kaiser in his own turn before he offered a suggestion.  "Daisuke and Ichijouji-kun are soulmates.  You could kidnap Ichijouji-kun and use him to blackmail Daisuke."

"Would I do that?"  Kaiser couldn't quite hold back his smirk this time.  "I can assure you that I have brought no harm at all to either of them."  Daisuke had best keep his mouth shut on that, too.  Kaiser didn't think he'd hurt him.  He could safely miss a meal or two, and Kaiser had fed him as soon as he'd behaved himself.  That was nothing more than discipline.

"Yes."  Armadimon's partner declared without a breath of hesitation. "You've never liked Daisuke.  You'd do anything so he wouldn't b able to fight you.  What would be a better way?"

Having him be my soulmate.  Kaiser chuckled.  "Oh, if that's what I wanted, I could ensure that he not fight me in any number of ways.  Your Digimon are no more immune to my Evil Rings than any other Digimon - and what would be the result on one of you if I put a Ring on them?"  He regarded each of them in turn.  So far none really seemed that appealing to make the test on, and it was an interesting test indeed.  Though he wasn't going to try it on V-mon.  Daisuke was his soulmate and didn't deserve that.

None of the Chosen looked very happy by now.  They'd managed to defeat the Digimon he'd brought along - the ones he'd allowed out for now - and now moved in closer.  Kaiser smiled a long and slow smile.

"I suppose I could tell you where Motomiya is.  That, I do know."  He waited the proper amount of tense-ridden moments before nodding slightly.  Out from behind him there rumbled a large, powerful Triceramon.  It had taken Kaiser ages to find this one, and now it strode forward with Daisuke perched on the back.  The noises the Chosen made were fascinating - especially when they noticed that Daisuke wore no bonds at all.  He wasn't staying there by being forced. 

At least not by ties they could see.  Kaiser knew very well that Daisuke wouldn't have stayed that quiet and obedient without V-mon being firmly locked up.  But the Chosen didn't need to know that.

"Daisuke!  Get down from there!"  Takaishi snapped.  "What are you doing there?"

He didn't answer.  Kaiser had made it abundantly clear that he wasn't to speak to anyone without Kaiser's permission.  Triceramon came to a stop next to his master, and Daisuke slipped down to stand next to him, not even looking at the Chosen.  Kaiser made a note to reward him for that. 

Once Daisuke stood beside him, Kaiser wrapped the fingers of one hand around Daisuke's, then turned the other's head so their eyes met.  He allowed Daisuke, and only him, to see the amusement and pleasure in his eyes, then glanced at the Chosen.

"I have no need to kidnap Ichijouji Ken,"  he declared.  "But Motomiya Daisuke belongs to me, now and forever. And there's nothing that any of you can do about it."

He didn't possess the power to read minds - he doubted such a power even existed - but he could feel their horrified looks on him, especially as he leaned forward to lightly lay a kiss on Daisuke's lips.  He'd never kissed anyone before and he'd not quite thought to do it the first time in front of an audience, but he did rather enjoy this.  Daisuke's lips were warm and soft and sweet and after a startled moment, he began to return the kiss.  Kaiser groaned a bit and would have continued, if there hadn't been a noise of some kind coming from the Chosen.

From Takaishi in particular, who stared at them as if Kaiser were the personal embodiment of his own worst nightmares.  Then, slowly, Kaiser decided to take the last step, the one that would prove they had no more claim to Daisuke, now or ever again.

He'd already decided on how to do that.  He nodded slightly at Daisuke, who nodded back, still remaining quiet until he'd been granted permission to speak before them.  Then Kaiser raised a sharp knife, and peeled off one glove.  Daisuke did the same thing, holding his hand out.  With one quick movement he slashed first Daisuke's hand, then his own. 

Four distinct yelps - probably more, but definitely four.  Kaiser hated the pain, but the next part made it all worth it.  He wrapped his wounded hand around Daisuke's, and the warmth from their touch swept through him.  The pain eased off in a few moments, and he could feel the wound slowly knitting back together.  When he finally pulled his hand back and glanced at it, the wound didn't exist any more.  The same held true for Daisuke - the sign that bound them as soulmates, as Heal-Touches. 

He caught Daisuke's attention again and nodded slightly.  Daisuke drew in a breath and turned to face the Chosen, his hand raised and turned so they could see how it had healed cleanly. 

"That's not possible,"  Yagami murmured, her hand searching for and grabbing onto the other girl's.  Kaiser recalled that they were soulmates as well.  "This is - Daisuke's soulmate is Ichijouji Ken - we saw that - "

"I think they're surprised,"  Daisuke said at last.  Kaiser chuckled softly.

"I think you're right.  But they're also correct."  With a deep breath, Kaiser reached up and removed his visor, letting them see his entire face for the first time.  Takaishi said something - was that French? - that Kaiser didn't entirely catch.  Not that it mattered.  What mattered right now was telling them who he was.

The smallest boy shook his head.  "You - you're the Kaiser?"

"I am."  Kaiser agreed.  "And Motomiya Daisuke is my soulmate, as I am his."  He kept Daisuke close to him, pleased that the other didn't even look at the Chosen.  He had his suspicions on why he did that and they had nothing whatsoever to do with Daisuke suddenly being eternally devoted and loyal to him.  That would come later. But it would come indeed.

"Daisuke?"  The girl's voice wavered as she took a step forward. This one was Yagami, he recalled.  Not that her name mattered a lot, bu it might be interesting to know.  "Are you all right?"

Kaiser nodded ever so faintly, knowing that Daisuke would see and understand the gesture. Daisuke drew in a quick, steadying breath and turned towards the Chosen.  His smile shone out as bright as the sun.  Kaiser could not help but feel a trifle displeased to see it turned towards them instead of him.  He fought it down, though, with effort. 

"Hey, guys.  Nothing to worry about."  He kept one arm around Kaiser as he spoke.  Kaiser wasn't used to this much human contact, but it would help encourage them to understand that Daisuke wasn't going anywhere that wasn't with him.  "I know I wasn't expecting this.  But I'm fine."

"You're not fine."  Takeru's lips pressed together hard, fingers clenching to the point that even at a distance, Kaiser could see how white the knuckles were.  "That's the Kaiser."  Absolute hatred laced every word that he spoke.  Kaiser had never heard someone say his title like that and he wasn't certain that he liked it.

"Yeah, it's Ichijouji Ken.  He's my soulmate."  Daisuke regarded Takeru, and Kaiser saw hints of worry in his eyes.  He would have to ask about that at a later time.  "It isn't something you need to get worked up about."

Takaishi's Pegasumon bumped his head against him, murmuring something that Kaiser couldn't hear, and Takaishi breathed in deeply, a little of the tension fading away from him.  At the same time, the Triceramon beside them began to shift and paw at the ground a little, snorting faintly. Kaiser's eyes narrowed.

"Calm down," he ordered, grateful that they were close enough he could do so without the Chosen hearing him.  The last thing that he needed was for them to think he didn't have perfect control over his slaves. 

But Triceramon didn't listen. It twitched and shifted harder, and Daisuke threw a worried look at him.

"What's wrong with him?"  His soulmate wanted to know.  Kaiser started to answer, but before a word could escape his lips, Triceramon roared something that might have been a challenge and might have been simply nothing more than rage incarnate. The creature backed up several paces, ignoring all of Kaiser's attempts to bring it to heel, either with the Ring, his Digivice, or his whip.  It drew its head back and from deep within the mouth came a blast of pure fire, aimed at Kaiser himself.

Time seemed to slow down around them all.  Kaiser only vaguely recalled having told Wormmon to stay in the fortress.  He wouldn't be needed for this; nothing could possibly go wrong for him.  He wasn't even certain of why Wormmon crossed his thoughts as he saw the fireball streaming towards him.  It would hit.  Nothing could stop it.  He was done for. 

Something crashed into him.  No, not something - someone.  Daisuke knocked him down and Kaiser could see him standing in between him and the Triceramon, fists clenched, glaring at the Digimon with a gaze fierce enough to melt metal.  Kaiser wanted to tell him to get back, that a human couldn't stand against a Digimon of that strength, not without a partner - and V-mon wasn't there either.   From the way Daisuke stood, Kaiser had a suspicion that he hadn't gotten out of this unscathed.

I don't want him to be hurt.  The thought seared across his mind in a heartbeat and he knew exactly how true it was.  He waned no real harm to come to Daisuke. He wasn't completely certain of why and now wasn't the time to figure it out.

"Guys!  What are you waiting for?"  Daisuke snapped, not taking his eyes off Triceramon.  "Break the Ring!  That should calm Triceramon down!"

Triceramon's horns began to glow a deep shining red, each circle on the horns as bright as the sun.  Daisuke took a step back - still keeping himself between Kaiser and Triceramon, shoulders tense, arms spread in a defensive gesture.  Kaiser shook his head to clear it, starting to get back on his feet.  He was the Digimon Kaiser.  He didn't require saving or defense or anything!  There wasn't a single Digimon who wouldn't obey him! 

But when he grasped for his Digivice, it wasn't there.  He spied it a short distance from where he'd fallen, alongside of his whip.  In the same moment, he could hear Triceramon's grumbling growl of a voice, preparing to unleash a powerful attack. 

"Golden Noose!"  The voice came from above, and with a quick jerk of his head, he spied Pegasumon and Nefertimon above him, circling around one another, performing that joint attack of theirs, wrapping the lasso around Triceramon, hauling the creature backwards.  Feet pawed at the air as the two struggled, then from underneath there came Digmon, drill slicing into the Ring and shattering it.

Triceramon paused at once.  His eyes, which had retained their scarlet glow the whole time, faded back into sense.  The creature stared at Kaiser, then to the Chosen, all of whom remained nervously on guard.  Kaiser snorted, snatching up his Digivice and whip, thinking of who he could call to get him and Daisuke out of here.

"Are you certain you don't want me to incinerate him?"  Triceramon's voice was deep and rich; if Kaiser had ever thought about what one would sound like speaking, that was it.  "It's what he deserves."

"No."  Daisuke shook his head.  Now that Kaiser could get a better look, he saw a nasty burn across one side of Daisuke - the side that hadn't knocked him down.  His own side that had plowed across the ground ached and his uniform would have to be cleaned, if not actually replaced.  But the damage to Daisuke worried him more.  It wouldn't be anything that he couldn't fix, but it wasn't right!  Daisuke was burned because of him.

"Daisuke's right,"  Yagami agreed, slipping off of Nefertimon.  "No one deserves that."

"I'm not so sure,"  Takaishi muttered before he glared at Kaiser again, eyes as cold as two chips of ice.  "Why don't you get out of here?"

Kaiser sniffed, but he knew when the time to leave had come.  He wanted to take a better look at Daisuke's wounds anyway.  Just because he wasn't reacting that much didn't mean they didn't hurt.  A quick snap of his whip summoned an AirDramon, who ghosted down and waited for them to climb aboard.

"Don't expect to see Daisuke any time soon,"  he growled, folding his cape around his soulmate.  "We are getting to know one another."  He could feel Daisuke drawing breath to say something and hissed softly, "No.  Keep quiet."

The AirDramon rose into the air and hurried on the way back to the fortress.  Kaiser didn't look at the Chosen at all.  His thoughts were divided - what had happened to Triceramon?  How had it managed to attack him?  That shouldn't have happened at all. 

But what he worried about more was Daisuke.  How bad were those injuries?  Energy had to come from somewhere, so what would it cost him to heal Daisuke?  He'd gladly pay it; no one harmed what was his except him, and Daisuke was most definitely his.  He would have to work that out once they got home and he could see the details.  He didn't think it was as bad as it could have been if the fireball had actually hit Daisuke head on - that could have seared him to the bone. 

Kaiser told himself firmly that he didn't shudder at that though.  Not in the slightest.

"Why did you do that?"  He asked as the fortress came into view.  "You could have let it hit me."

Daisuke glared up at him.  "You know, for a genius, you can be pretty stupid.  You're my soulmate.  Why would I let you get roasted when I can stop it?" 

That made no sense to Kaiser.  Of course they were soulmates. He was quite certain on why he was angry about Daisuke's wounds.  But why had Daisuke done that at all?  That he couldn't understand. He shook his head.  "You don't even like me."  He wasn't going to let Daisuke get away without a solid answer.

"What's that got to do with anything?  You're not just my soulmate." 

Kaiser started to relax.  Oh, he'd heard this before. Valued for his looks, for his brains, because he was the unyielding master of the Digital World - he'd heard it all before. He knew this ground very well indeed.

"You're a person.  You shouldn't get roasted like that. How are you going to do better if you're dead?"

Kaiser might well have stumbled or even fell if he hadn't had such perfect control of his body.  He'd never heard anything like that, and he wondered what sort of nonsense filled Daisuke's head.  He shook his own head quietly.

"You expect me to do better?"  He'd certainly never thought to hear those words coming from anyone, let alone Daisuke.

"You're going to be better."  Daisuke tilted his head up to stare into Kaiser's eyes.  "And I'm going to help you."

Kaiser could only shake his head.  Clearly Daisuke was more injured than he looked.  Had he hit his head?  But he would soon get all of that sorted out.  At least he'd accomplished one thing - the Chosen were aware of who he was and that Daisuke now belonged to him.  There wasn't any way they'd try to get him back now that Daisuke had openly saved his life. 

It was time for a new beginning, with the one fate designed just for him.

The End

Notes: Maybe I’ll do the next story for DaiKen Week 2022. We shall see. Though I am tempted to work on something with Piemon and Takeru. That is why Takeru is so skittish.

[dragonoflord]

SCP-6175-1 instances Log to keep track for possible anomalous properties.  - By Doctor K.

Day 1- “I shall be writing and updating this small log in order to keep track of any possible anomalous effects on SCP-6175 Dolls that we dubbed SCP-6175-1 instances. Until we can determine wether these dolls really have anything going with them or if they are just normal dolls, we’d like to keep track and close eyes on them. As of so far SCP-6175 has been crafting these dolls utilizing materials we’ve never deliberate given to them, and how they find it is still a investigation going on as we speak.” Day 4- “After SCP-6175 been making more of the SCP-6175-1 instances at some point they ended up giving one of their dolls to one my co-workers. Claiming they like the researcher and wish for them to have one of the dolls SCP-6175 had made, to which my co-worker gladly accepted and proposed a opportunity to do some tests on the dolls while she has access to one on the hand. We don’t see much problem with it for the time being but told them to remain cautious about the dolls” Day 12- “So far we’ve discovered nothing out of the ordinary with the instances of SCP-6175-1, at the same time we did discover something troubling as we took a closer inspection on some of  the dolls SCP-6175 had made. One of the dolls they recently created ended up looking extremely a lot like one of the O5 members, specifically [Redacted]. And after inspecting some of the other dolls we suddenly came to a realization how more of them take a resemblance to some of the other personal from this as well other sites. The strangest part about this is that SCP-6175 has never seen or met any of these people. Noticing the doll that looked like [Redacted] we instantly attempted to contact them and we were told to destroy the doll at once, which we ended up doing. Having asked SCP-6175 about the resemblance of other people they claim that they have no idea who any of those people are and simply make dolls to whatever comes into their head at the time.” Day 21- “Aside of a few more times of finding unique looking dolls that shouldn’t make sense being created in terms of the looks,  we simply cannot seem to find any anomalous effects onto the SCP-6175-1 instances itself. Even I was got my hands onto one of these small cute dolls looking somewhat like me,  which SCP-6175 made for me when i requested if they could make one for me about a week ago. They seem to have no problem making dolls for other people which we have tested with both those SCP-6175 knew and never met before. However any test seems to not hold anything unique that we can determine. And it seems they in the end are nothing but simple cute looking dolls. I shall close this log after this and return the doll to SCP-6175  seeing I have no further need for it. Scratch that last part, I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid,  any of us on that matter. No I have found out the anomalous effects on the SCP-6175-1 instances, and it happened right after I gave the doll back to SCP-6175. You see as I walked away from SCP-6175′s containment I couldn’t help but think to myself  feeling somewhat sad how ‘i am somewhat going to miss that cute little doll’ and perhaps wonder if I should get it back. . . And that’s when it struck me,   I don’t give a sh*t about some stupid doll, I’m a grown man and have grown out of doll for a long time already. So then... Why did I felt sad?  Like I’m missing a friend?  Well what if   that is the affect of SCP-6175-1! What if SCP-6175-1 instances simply makes a small bond with it’s current owner, to the point your view on the dolls are   more simple and wanting them to be around. Thinking about it, anyone who’s been given a SCP-6175-1 instance seems to keep the dolls around them to a certain extend. Such as keeping them in their office where they work a lot, or in their backpacks etc. Of course considering my ... current Co-workers let alone the D personal we’ve been given so far did not help finding out about this effect since...  they already act like this sometimes naturally... Yeah It’s not out of character for them to act the way they have been about the dolls. I suppose sometimes I really gotta do everything around here when it comes to the serious stuff..” Day 39- “I believe we’ve gotten a decent understanding of the effects of SCP-6175-1 instances, and this’ll likely be the be the last update I shall add into this log specifically. So far we have determined that any person who is given an SCP-6175-1 instance by SCP-6175 them self, will get bonded to the doll. Those bonded will see the doll less as just a simple object and more as a small little friend you think looks nice or cute to an extend, and you likely want to try and keep them with you as much as you can. Be it keeping it on person almost all the time, or leaving it in a area you tend to be around at a lot such as a office rooms. Anyone who gets separated from the dolls but know they get it back seem to not show any unique signs of distress, but those who’s dolls been taken away or told to return it to SCP-6175 or just straight up destroyed on the spot will start to feel .. Sad You will feel like you lost a small buddy, a friend, and you will think about the dolls, try to remember some fond memories you had with it and again simply feeling sad for a while. This ‘Sadness’ appears to remain at a person for about about a week that we have discovered so far. And the affect as well the ‘being sad’ time period appear to be the same for any person so far, wether they had the doll for a couple hours or many days. We have even tested taking away the doll SCP-6175 personally always carries around,  what we determine to be   .. their own SCP-6175-1 instance tied to them. Results of that were  different,  they instead remained sad and mopey for the whole duration of the doll being taken away from them. To the point they even didn’t bother doing anything else, not even make more SCP-6175-1 instances,  at least not until we returned the doll. We do not know if a person who is ‘bonded’ to a SCP-6175-1 instances for a substantially longer periods of times will act different or similar as to with SCP-6175 them self. to which we specifically did not take away the doll of 2 people and we’ll need to test to see if being bonded for months or years maybe have any different effects or wether it remains the same? As of for now however, determined that the dolls are not treat in any way aside of just a simple sadness would it be removed from you or finding it something you wish to keep with you,  we shall allow SCP-6175 to make more dolls as time go on, and even give them out to other if they so wish. Though the SCP-6175-1 instances are not allowed to be taken outside the site location, and we are to keep a close eye to what kind of dolls SCP-6175 makes. In cases of a SCP-6175-1 instance looking like certain personal that shouldn’t be allowed to exist, then we are to instantly take away and destroy said dolls. I shall now Close off this Log, and we’ll make a new one in the future if we ever find out anything else about the SCP-6175-1 instances.” --------------- And there we have it Voody in the SCP Au dolls do have a unique affect which is very simple and not dangerous. quite literally just that a person end up liking the doll more and wants it around more often, doesn’t really go any further than that. Only to Voody them self would the means of taking it away be different because.. that is not due to the effects of the dolls but simply Voody wanting their favorite doll back. they’re still a kid after all. XD

[upsidedowninmyworld]

All of them? :$

I can’t sleep. Why not

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? The height I am now

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Hmm...Gizmo

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Anything comfortable really

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sonic

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My partner, my future, and what it all holds

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Very quiet, slow to anger but proceed with caution

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 🤷🏻‍♀️

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] uhh when I took this test in high school, I was melancholic

9: Are you ticklish? Yes

10: Are you allergic to anything? Loads

11: What’s your sexuality? Bisexual

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Hmm vampire

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I did

16: How tall are you? 5’2”

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I like mine

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much for me to be comfortable

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Uhh I like both equally

21: Are you religious? Kind of

22: Pet peeves? When people touch my stuff without asking. Bad breath

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation? Not sure

25: Favorite star? Not sure

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? No?

27: Any phobias or fears? Not saying

28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Not really

30: Favorite movie? Forrest Gump

31: Do you get scared easily? No lol

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 5?

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] what?

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Australia, London

36: Where were you born? LA

37: What is your eye color? Brown

38: Introvert or extrovert? Intro

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No lol

40: Hugs or kisses? Kisses

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Cody

42: Who is someone you love deeply? Cody

43: Any piercings you want? Second ear piercings

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? Before

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! He’s pretty great. Been with them for almost 4 years :)

47: What is a sound you really hate? A certain person’s voice

48: A sound you really love? The ocean

49: Can you do a backflip? Not anymore

50: Can you do the splits? If I stretch, yes

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Natalie Dorner and Ed skrein atm

52: Favorite movie? I already answers this

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Half white half Black

55: When did you feel happiest? I think it’s been a while

56: Something that calms you down? Writing or drawing

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] nothing diagnosed

58: What does your URL mean? My world is odd

59: What three words describe you the most? Quiet, contemplative weird

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Posting things I don’t like

62: What makes you follow a blog? Posting things I like

63: Favorite kind of person: a genuinely nice person that is honest

64: Favorite animal(s): pandas, otters

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

66: Favorite emoticon: 😻

67: Favorite meme: I have too many

68: What is your MBTI personality type? I can’t remember

69: What is your star sign? Uhhh Pisces...?

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Yes

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A black shirt and jeans with converse

72: Post a selfie or two? No thank you

73: Do you have platform shoes? I do!

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I can bend my thumb all the way to my arm

75: Can you do a front flip? Not anymore

76: Do you like birds? Sure

77: Do you like to swim? Love it

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming for sure

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: not saying

80: Some thing you wish did exist: someone that is no longer here

81: Piercings you have? Just my ears for now

82: Something you really enjoy doing: reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: Cody

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I like this site

85: How many followers do you have? Uhh I haven’t looked in a while

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I use. To lol

87: Do your socks always match? Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Yes

89: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Panda or a cat

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A rose

92: A store you hate? Hmmm not sure

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don’t

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds

95: Do you like to wear camo? On occasion

96: Winter or summer? Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for? About 30-45 seconds

98: Least favorite person? HAHA

99: Someone you look up to: my dad

100: A store you love? Any bookstore lol

101: Favorite type of shoes. Converse

102: Where do you live? In LA

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? I don’t have one?

105: Do you drink milk? Yes

106: Do you like bugs? No

107: Do you like spiders? Yes

108: Something you get paranoid about? The future

109: Can you draw: kind of

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? How sex was with a person I slept with or how I could stand sleeping next to ex because he snores really loudly. Like freight train loud

111: A question you hate being asked? Who’s the smarter or prettier twin. I usually get that I’m smarter

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Yes

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? I do

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: codes

116: Favorite cloud type: what

117: What color do you wish the sky was? Purple

118: Do you have freckles? No

119: Favorite thing about a person: clean hands

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now: see someone

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? Sour

124: Bright or dim lights? Bright

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Sure

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

128: What do you think about the least? Work

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 🤷🏻‍♀️

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? HA

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My mind

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Yes

133: Computer or TV? Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters? Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? It depends

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attached

137: Do you believe in karma? Sure

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Like an 8 on a good day

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Quite a few

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Both

144: What makes you angry. A lot

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? One

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I’m bi soooo

147: Are you androgynous? No

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my butt lol

149: Favorite thing about your personality: my ability to see the good in everyone even when they’re shitty. Also my least favorite thing about myself

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Well my dad, Cody, my grandma

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? The one rn because I am a minority

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Sure

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] uhh dating app. Technically a football game.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Just codys

156: What embarrasses you? Not a lot

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: the future because I can’t really talk about it with anyone without stressing people out. But it helps me feel less anxious so I’m kind of stuck

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: oof

159: How many people are you following? 🤷🏻‍♀️

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 🤷🏻‍♀️

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

163: Last time you cried and why: ooh like a few days ago

164: Do you have long or short hair? Short

165: Longest your hair has ever been: to my butt

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I don’t want to answer this

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes

[seijch]

send me selfship questions!!

for @raevaioli because i wrote too much the first time and didnt have space to answer everything else 🧍🏻‍♂️

(there’s a lot of shit under the cut NDJKDKS be Warned)

1. where was your first date?

well, youve already heard about the first date that we realized was indeed A Date with futakuchi, but my first Proper Date with him would have to be somewhere like an arcade where we can have fun but still talk?? personally movie (theater) dates aren’t good first dates bc you Have to stay silent until the movie is over?? what’s the APPEAL...

there’s a shared exhale of relief as the large stuffed pokemon gets dropped by the crane into the pickup zone. “i can’t believe you pulled that off,” i tell him.

“you know, just for that, i’m keeping it.”

“you don’t even like pokemon! what happened to ‘this one’s for you, baby?’” i ask, voice dropping an octave to imitate him.

“i never said that, first of all. second of all,” he continues, grip tightening on the rowlet, “i won it. so it’s mine.”

“you fucking suck.”

(he says all this, yet when he drops me off, he insists i take the rowlet with me and name it after him. i graciously oblige, dubbing it coochie jr.)

when it comes to kuroo, he probably Says it’s some kind of unplanned affair but it ends with him unloading a picnic basket as we watch the sun set bc he’s a SAP... hate that fool 😔

“you’ve got good taste in music,” i tell him as the next song on his playlist begins. he’s definitely planning something, but i don’t say anything as his driving becomes less aimless.

“oh, i know,” he grins. “good enough for you to ask me for recommendations, i’d say.”

i’m crossing my arms before his sentence gets to finish. “listen,” i start, “you can’t tell me it didn’t work. we’re together now, aren’t we?” he doesn’t choose to grace that with a response.

before we know it, kuroo’s parked the car. “we’re here.”

“here? at the park? what are you gonna do, hold my hand while we watch the sunset?” i tease, getting out of the car. he doesn’t respond. “tetsu?”

“you really think you know me, don’t you?” he appears from the other side, picnic basket in hand and a resigned smile on his face. “what do you suggest we do now that my surprise has been torn to shreds, hm?”

“i mean...can we still eat? i’m kinda hungry.” i point to the basket. (i’m clearly deflecting ,, i was Not expecting kuroo the simp to jump out so early and my heart Cannot Take It)

2. who normally plans the dates?

between me and futakuchi i’m going to say none of us! we don’t really go on Dates dates, it’s just Us Hanging Out !! with kuroo, at first it’s him tbh but after we get comfortable everything becomes a date... idk tbh i’m not the type to sweat that kind of thing 🕺🏻 i do like to Go Out and do things w my s/o no matter who they are but a date doesn’t always have to be going out nor does it have to be a Special going out yk??

3. what kind of dates would you two mostly go on? do you have a “date spot?”

i mentioned this in my answer for 24, but w kuchi we have this ritual of going out to eat every friday and after we get together that doesn’t change!!! if we’re feeling extra lazy we might order takeout but we always always spend our friday nights together... it’s def smth we look forward to even Before we start dating (and it’s smth we both wonder Why we anticipate before we get tgt)

in terms of a date spot? we have our favorite places (like the ramen joint i mentioned in 24) but other than that maybe a few other restaurants and that’s kinda it! our other dates are the occasional study date but i cannot study when he’s around,, just looking at his face pisses me off 😃 nah but we can’t focus on school together + we’d get heated over a meaningless argument and get kicked out NDNSJSJ

when we get domestic w each other (like in uni or beyond) kuroo and i have all our dates at the grocery store... idk abt you but the INTIMACY of buying groceries w someone you love is so [clenches fist] yk?? but before and sometimes after that point rlly it’s like Things To See and Things To Do whenever kuroo puts himself in charge of planning it bc he knows we both like to be engaged and have fun!! (i alr said it but our date spot is the grocery store <3)

4. what kind of date do you think the both of you would enjoy the most? why?

that’s a very good question... i mentioned it alr but kuroo and i vibe heavy w things that are engaging and give us things to talk about while we keep busy,, like maybe an amusement park or smth w all the rides (we’re definitely spinning the shit out of the teacups) mostly bc i think he likes being kept on his toes and i do too! i think we’d challenge each other to do better by setting an example for the other to follow just in general,, also ngl places w a lot of ppl are good too so we can peoplewatch,, the two of us are the type to read people with a glance and when we need downtime we’d sit down somewhere and just kinda . 👁👁 yk

“i might barf,” i announce, gait crooked from the dizzying ride.

“no, you won’t,” kuroo replies, allowing me to drape myself over him though he’s not walking straight either. “didn’t you hear? vomitting is banned in this country and thirteen others.”

“a shame. anyway, let’s go on the pirate ship ride next.”

(we sit at the outer edge. it’s not a good time for the folks in the two seats in front of us. we wipe our vomit—mostly my vomit—from the corners of our mouths and apologize profusely.)

when it comes to kuchi, i think he’d like smth where we would end up competing against each other! i mentioned this when i answered question 50, but kenji and i are almost TOO competitive over stupid shit so smth like laser tag (where everyone is like ... why don’t you want to work together aren’t you DATING) would be SO fucking fun

“it’s not too late to surrender,” he simpers, my body sandwiched between his and the wall. my gun’s been knocked out of my hand—that’s gotta be against the fucking rules—and part of me feels like i’m on a real battlefield, as fleeting the thought is. “some battles, you just can’t win.” he punctuates this statement with a sage nod, leaning so close his breath fans against my face. “so, what’ll it be?”

i close the gap, pressing my lips against his and relishing in the strangled groan that comes from the back of his throat as he reciprocates, free hand moving to the nape of my neck. the hand holding the gun drops. that’s all the opening i need.

i let him deepen the kiss, take his bottom lip between my teeth and gently tug as my hands reach for his gun while his brain is still between his legs.

aim. fire.

i’m the last one standing, and the lights turn on around us. “it’s always good to have goals,” i tell him, granting him a consolation peck to the lips. “but i suggest making them more realistic next time.”

9. what do you think your first impression of them would be?

now THIS is a question i knew the answer to going in bc my best friend (honestly she doesn’t get paid enough ,, or at all ,, for all the shit she has to put up w from me NDNSKSK) had to hear all abt my elaborate fantasies regarding these two but!!

my first impression of kuroo is 1) 😳😳 and more importantly, 2) I Want To Know What He’s About... bc he’s not the kind of person i’d get the full picture of w just one look and maybe a few words spoken? he’d pique my interest a LOT (and this is smth he shares w tsukishima, tho i don’t see myself in a long lasting relationship w him like i do w kuroo and kuchi!) and i’d end up worming my way into his life whether he likes it or not until i find out :-)

unlike kuroo i see kenji and go Wow. What An Asshole. ok no i don’t NDNSJSN i probably think he’s cute first THEN go what an asshole and there’s definitely a long period of time where we’re genuinely getting on each other’s nerves before it goes into the romantic relationship-adjacent dynamic you see in my answer to 24!

10. what do you think their first impression of you would be?

kuroo’s definitely curious. i don’t imagine him being unable to see thru me from the start but i prove myself to be Good Conversation so he’s fine (and ends up being more than fine) with me bothering him as much as i do. kenji probably sees me the way i think most people see me at first? very soft and sweet ,, and then he tries to rile me up, tries to test the waters and pretty quickly finds out that right under the nice girl is someone that won’t hesitate to mirror the shit he tries to dish out.

(again) 24. would you confess first or would they? how would it have gone?

i saw you said in the tags you wanted to see the kuroo one so here it is 🤝 i had all my fun writing kenji’s so this one is shorter than that but!!!

NDNSNSN anyway !!! with kuroo it’s kinda 50/50 bc i’m not shy when it comes to my feelings but at the same time i like to have the lowest chances possible for failure when it comes to things like this... but i simp SO heavy for him so lbr it’ll prob be me just bc i literally Cannot pretend that my intentions are platonic anymore and he’s not gonna do it first (later i find out he was trying to see how long he could go before one of us mentioned the elephant in the room)

(5:38 PM) me: anyway for the weekly song rec

(5:38 PM) me: khalid ft. john mayer - outta my head

(5:39 PM) me: specifically 1:16-1:25 :-)

the messages have sent before i can think twice or even consult anyone about it. there’s a beat of silence. then two. then three. i throw my phone down onto the bed as it bounces off the mattress and onto the carpet.

what the fuck!!!!!! bitch why did you do that!!!!!!!

there’s no taking it back now. he reads it ten minutes after it sends (not like anyone’s checking, that would be preposterous). the picture i took of him mid-sneeze two months ago lights up the screen, a facetime call from shithead 👺 bringing me to yet another crossroads. do i answer it and face the music (literally), or do i pretend to have been busy and act as though i didn’t just confess to one of my best friends through text and with music, of all things?

i pick up the call.

“i liked the song,” he says as soon as the call opens, “though i can’t help but wonder if there was a hidden meaning to it.”

“and if i told you there was?”

“well,” he replies, sounding a little out of breath (where is he?), “i’d tell you to open your door because i’m outside.”

true enough, when i race downstairs and open the door, he’s waiting for me. “and if i told you that was my way of asking you to be my boyfriend?”

“well, i think i’d want to ask if i could kiss you. assuming, of course, it was alright to do something like that so soon-“

he doesn’t finish his sentence. his lips are a little bit chapped, but pleasant nonetheless, and i tuck the newfound fact away in my file of things i know about kuroo tetsurou.

(for reference, the song lyrics for the part i mention are can you feel the tension / you’ve got my attention / i know we’re just friends but / i’d rather be together instead)

[dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade]

50 questions you’ve never been asked before

Thank you for tagging me @beautifulcinephile!!!  I will be tagging @myownparadise96, @satans-helper, @mountainofthesunn, @karrotkate, @satingrass-maidensfair only if you want loves :)

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? It’s light pink, with yellow-gold pineapples and sparkly green leaves 

2. A food you never eat? Mushrooms lol. I run from them like they’re the devil

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?  Too cold. My hands are always freezing except for when I’m sick

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was doing some in-the-room gymnastics lol, gotta keep in shape

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Bounty

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Yep, a lot of swimming competition, county and country level

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “So are we having eggs for breakfast?” to my mom lol

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Lemon, mango, mint and strawberry

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee lol

10. Do you like your wallet? Yes, especially when I have money in it. Otherwise it’s kind of useless lmao

11. What was the last thing you ate? Some pie with cheese

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? No, but I got a little charm for my bracelet online

13. The last sporting event you watched? I can’t remember, it’s been too long

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Salted? Are there any other flavors?

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? “Okay” on the class group lol

16. Ever go camping? Nope :( But I want to

17. Do you take vitamins? No

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Nope

19. Do you have a tan? No, again (that’s four in a row already!!!). I barely go out and when I do, I stay in the shadow

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Pizza I think

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? No, I either drink straight from the bottle, either pour it in a glass. I use straws only for fresh juice and milkshakes and stuff like that when I am in public

22. What color socks do you usually wear? Gray, black, white, pink

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? I drove like three times in my whole life and I don’t even have a license so no

24. What terrifies you? Failing and not being enough

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My shelf filled with CD’s, magazines and my speakers and music station

26. What chore do you hate? Dusting because I always end up coughing until I can’t breathe

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Steve Irwin and a listening test I had at school with an Aussie speaking. I failed it lmao

28. What’s your favorite soda? Coke

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? I go in, but I don’t eat that often at fast-foods

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

31. Favorite cut of beef? Idk, something less greasy 

32. Last song you listened to? The Assisi Machine by Die Haut & Blixa Bargeld

33. Last book you read? Completed reading: Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. Currently reading (again): 1984 by George Orwell

34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No, why would I? :))

36. How do you like your coffee? Depends on my mood. Sometimes plain black. Other times (usually) with a little bit of sugar and some milk, not too much though

37. Favorite pair of shoes? My basic ass Nike Air Force 1′s. I’m on my third pair lmao, I simply love them

38. At what time do you normally go to bed? 23-23:30 usually 

39. At what time do you normally get up? 8-8:30, when I am not going to school. When I go, I wake up at 6

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Both. I like to believe that sunrises announce a great day and sunsets conclude the day on a good note

41. How many blankets are on your bed? One

42. Describe your kitchen plates? Plain white lol

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? Beer lol

44. Do you play cards? Not in the real meaning of the expression, I usually play some games I invented with my friends

45. What color is your car? I personally don’t own a car, but the family’s one is like dark green towards brown?

46. Can you change a tire? No

47. What is your favorite state/province? Uhhhh idk? Berlin? Does that count?

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? I’ve never had a job

49. How did you get your biggest scar? I have a scar underneath my right eye. When I was about 7 or 8, I used to visit my grandma’s neighbor and she had this dog that used to be a stray. And me and the dog got along, but idk why, one day when I was playing with her, she was on the floor and I was on the bed, bent over her and she just jumped and bit me underneath the eye. It’s terrifyingly close to the eye and I will never get over the idea that I was really lucky it wasn’t a tiny bit higher, otherwise I’d be one eye blind. I did laser therapy for almost one year to reduce the scar, but it never went away completely. Theoretically it could be removed through surgery, but c’mon, it’s not that bad, plus it represents a story

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? I cut the grass for my dad lol

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

50 Things I’m Convinced Tay & Joe Do - Baby Edition 

1. Taylor smirking at Joe who claims that the air in the doctor’s room is dry which is the reason why his eyes are watering right after they found out that they’re having a girl. 

 2. Joe’s protective hand constantly reaching for her belly at night whenever she’s changing her sleeping position. 

3. Joe opening his Christmas gift from her that was casually placed under the Christmas tree and him becoming incredibly emotional in front of both of their families because inside the little box, there is a positive pregnancy test. 

4. Taylor and Joe only telling their families and closest friends about her pregnancy at first because Taylor’s too scared to miscarry. 

5. Joe replacing all Nespresso capsules in their houses with decaf capsules because he knows how hard it is for her to waive proper coffee. 

6. Taylor developing a weird disgust towards roasted meat yet always attends dinner at Joe’s family and eats the Sunday roast even if most of it lands in the toilet just minutes after they get home. 

7. Joe always telling Tay that his mum won’t be mad if she’d tell her about her meat related nausea but Taylor still swallows the food anyway. 

8. Joe being overprotective, especially on these days when she’s not feeling well and he’s gone for work. So as soon as she doesn’t pick up her phone for a couple of minutes, he’d immediately call Andrea who then has to calm him down with a soft laugh and a gentle “both of your girls are alright, honey. She’s watching TV with me and her phone’s in the kitchen, so don’t worry.” while Taylor would roll her eyes at his protective behavior but deep down knows how incredibly thankful she is for it. 

 9. Scott always teasing Joe with referring to him as “Daddy over there wants some more potatoes, Andrea” or greeting Joe with “Hi Daddy, how’s it going?” whenever they see each other. 

10. Taylor trying to convince him that their daughter needs to have an old classic and British name such as “Hazel” or “Eleanor” and Joe reminding her that she’s giving birth to a baby, not an old lady. 

11. Taylor feeling incredibly maternal at the end of the second trimester and most of the time falling asleep with a pull string musical crib toy on her belly that plays one of her songs (a gift from her fans, of course). 

12. Joe spending at least half an hour cuddled up to her belly and talking to the baby after not having seen Taylor for a couple of days, always kissing the round belly and telling her how sad he is sometimes because Taylor gets to carry the baby around and feel her all day, but he can’t. 

13. Taylor and Joe constantly fighting about her wanting to wear heels tonight, and him getting angry because she could trip and fall. 

14. Taylor being mad at him for an entire day because she thinks that he thinks that she’s too stupid to walk on high heels for the length of one evening. 

 15. Joe figuring out that the only way to deal with her current hormones is to always give in and let her know how sorry he is and how right she was. 

16. Joe constantly finding her asleep at the weirdest places in the house. Once on a stool with head on the kitchen isle, once on the floor in her walk- in closet. 

17. Taylor feeling like a teenager again because she finds herself crying so often whenever he’s gone filming for a couple of days and she misses him badly. 

 18. Taylor being mocked by everyone in her family because she developed the habit to “free the bump” whenever she’s sitting on the patio and a ray of sunshine is crossing the sky. “The baby needs Vitamine D, guys. Shut up.” she’d say, enjoying the warmth on her belly.

19. Joe volunteering in applying cream on her belly to prevent stretch marks every night. 

 20. Taylor having an increased need for sex in the first months and Joe teasing her with it as much as he can, smirking and mumbling a casual “got it out of your system, love? If yes could you please move a bit so I can watch the rest of this movie? Thank you.” after she just came down from the fifth orgasm that day, sitting on his lap and distracting him from watching a movie on the couch in the living room. 

21. “So rude.” she’d mumble and receive a mischievous laugh from him before cuddling up in his arms again. 

22. Joe’s standard joke being “I mean, I was in the room when the baby was conceived to I might as well be in the room when the baby’s delivered” whenever he’s asked wether he’ll be in the delivery room or not and Taylor rolling her eyes every single time, “He thinks he’s so funny, it’s incredible.” 

23. Joe having the shock of his life when Taylor fainted a couple of times during the first weeks of pregnancy because of low blood pressure, which is absolutely normal yet scared the shit out of him. 

24. Joe literally calling her every two hours to remind her to drink water and eat something when she’s at a meeting because he knows that she forgets. 

 25. Joe literally going nuts after some online magazine releases an article calling Taylor “huge and lazy” because she apparently doesn’t work out enough during pregnancy which results in him wanting to sue the media outlet but Taylor calming him down because she doesn’t give a fuck about this kind of stuff anymore. 

26. Taylor feeling her baby kick for the first time when they’re at dinner with her parents and Joe really trying not to be too emotional and become a cry- baby but keeping his hand on her belly for what feels like the entire evening. 

27. Taylor craving nachos with whip cream on top. 

28. Taylor sitting on the examination couch while waiting for her doctor, trying her best to bat Joe’s hands away from the model of a fetus in a womb: “Stop touching it. You’ll break it!” When the small plastic baby pops out of the fake uterus and onto the floor, Joe’s eyes grow wide and she just rolls her eyes while watching him hysterically trying to put the model back together again before the doctor enters the room. 

29. Joe thanking her for carrying his baby and giving him his own little family whenever they both lay awake at night, but the pleasure is all hers. 

30. Taylor hiding her big bump and boobs under oversized sweaters because she’s insecure about her physical changes. 

31. Joe being well aware of her insecurities which makes him comment things like “you’re so stunning, baby. Is that shirt new?” or “you look gorgeous this morning, how’d you sleep?”. 

32. Joe noticing how motherly Taylor has become because of all the hormones in her body. So every time Patrick is joining them on a winter walk she’d remind the boy to fix his scarf because „it’s colder than you think“ and every time Patrick has a cold she’d cook him a chicken soup, even If he didn’t ask for it which is why Joe and him can’t help but tease her constantly by calling her ‚mummy‘. 

33. Taylor being embarrassed as hell for an entire week because her morning sickness was really bad while she and Joe were stuck in traffic and she had to throw up in a plastic bag after mumbling “I don’t want it to happen, I don’t want it to happen” while sitting next to him which resulted in her having vomit in her hair while crying and him calming her with a hand on her leg: “s’ fine, baby. C'mon. Just glad you feel better now.” 

34. Joe’s mum bursting out to tears as she opens her birthday present and finds an ultrasound scan, which automatically makes Tay emotional as well while hugging his mum for more than five minutes straight. 

35. Taylor often having trouble sleeping because she either struggles with immense nausea or her baby being super active. 

37. Joe waking up one night with tears in his eyes because in his dreams he was holding his baby in his arms and he could see what she looks like and smell her and hear her laugh and everything felt so real, which was the most amazing feeling he has ever felt. 

38. Joe noticing how Taylor craves his closeness even more since she’s pregnant which is why he pulls her into a long hug as often as he can or kisses her forehead more often. 

 39. Taylor showing literally everyone she knows her new “trick” that is placing objects on her huge belly like a tray. 

40. Joe counting all ten toes and all ten fingers on the baby, first thing: “just want to make sure you���ll be able to write some songs. Or make action movies..“ he’d mumble towards the baby, making Taylor laugh from afar. 

 41. Baby Alwyn- Swift having all of Taylor’s features, blonde curls included, but Joe’s lips and his rather introvert personality. 

 42. Joe holding the baby in front of Taylor’s tummy and mumbling a sleepy “we’ll have to put you back in there again if you don’t sleep, love. m’ warning you. The nights were a lot quieter with you in there.” which makes Taylor laugh and the baby stare at him confused before receiving a laugh and a small kiss from her dad. 

43. Taylor announcing the birth of her baby on Instagram with posting a black and white photo of Joe kissing tiny baby feet and the caption “Never felt so blessed in my life. Thanks for all the congratulations and kind messages.” 

44. Joe pretending to eat the baby’s foot or hand which always makes the little one laugh and Taylor as well. 

45. Taylor posting a boomerang on Instagram for fathers day that shows Joe blowing raspberries on the baby’s stomach with a smile on his face and captioning it with “you have changed my heart forever. Happy Father’s Day.” 

46. Joe already spoiling his little girl when she’s just a little toddler and Taylor really not liking it: “He can’t say no. Never. Now she’s just a baby but if he keeps that up our child will be a spoilt rat in a few years” she’d complain to her mom. 

47. Joe surprising Taylor with a vacation to the Bahamas because the baby hasn’t been sleeping at all in weeks and they both wander around like ghosts all day long which is why they both urgently need some relaxation away from London and Nashville.

48. Joe realizing that his baby daughter has a miniature version of his lips which is why he always holds her tiny face right next to his for comparison when they’re with friends and family. 

49. Joe giving the newborn on his arm a tour around their house when both of their parents came over for a first visit at home. He’d stop with her on his arms in the bedroom and mumble “..and this is where you were made, my love” which results in her family’s laughter and an embarrassed Taylor yelling “oh my god, Joseph. You are unbelievable.” 

50. Joe teaching his little girl how to give kisses and always claps his hands to cheer on her whenever her lips made the right move to meet his. After some time, the baby girl loves to give her daddy wet kisses and afterwards automatically claps her little hands as well which makes Joe and Taylor burst out in laughter every time.

[let-them-eat-rakes]

RED REALITY (part 1)

(my longest post yet.)

Item #: SCP-3001

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: To prevent further accidental entries into SCP-3001, all Foundation reality-bending technology will be upgraded/modified with multiple newly developed safeguards to prevent Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole creation. While knowledge of SCP-3001 is available to personnel of any level should they wish to learn about it, research and experimentation with SCP-3001 and its associated technology is strictly limited to personnel of Level 3 and above, with special clearance designation granted from Sites 120, 121, 124, and 133.

Description: SCP-3001 is a hypothesized paradoxical parallel/pocket "non-dimension" accessible through the creation of a momentary Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole.(1) While believed to be an infinitely extending parallel universe, SCP-3001 is almost completely devoid of any matter and has an extremely low Hume Level of 0.032,(2) contradicting Kejel's Laws of Reality with the relation between Humes and spacetime. This phenomenon causes matter inside it to decay at an extremely low rate, and damage that would otherwise prove fatal does not impede any biological/electronic function; simulations suggest an organism can lose more than 70% of their body's tissue and still operate normally, as long as at least 40% of the brain remains. However, prolonged exposure will cause said matter to gradually approach SCP-3001's own Hume Level, resulting in severe tissue/structural damage as the matter's own Hume Field begins to disintegrate.

SCP-3001 was initially discovered on January 2, 2000, at Site-120, a facility dedicated to testing and containing reality-bending technology. Dr. Robert Scranton and his wife Dr. Anna Lang were Head Researchers at Site-120, and were developing an experimental device, called the "Lang-Scranton Stabilizer" (LSS).(3) Dr. Scranton was transported to SCP-3001 after unexpected seismic activity damaged several active LSS in Site-120 Reality Lab A.

Initially presumed dead, Dr. Scranton has survived in SCP-3001 for at least five years, 11 months, and 21 days. During this time, he was able to record his experiences and observations within SCP-3001 through a somehow still functioning LSS control panel, which was also brought into SCP-3001 with him through the Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole. These recordings were later recovered upon the panel's sudden return, an unexpected side effect from testing improved reality-bending technology; these logs are the basis of SCP-3001 study. Despite new technologies being developed, retrieval and re-integration of Dr. Scranton has been unsuccessful. His current physical and mental states, if he is still alive, are unknown. [Further information on Dr. Scranton's possible retrieval is under Ethics Committee review.] Transcripts of Dr. Scranton's logs are below.

[No discernible/coherent dialogue can be heard from Dr. Scranton for the first eight days. He cycles through periods of panic, confusion, and anger throughout, and it seems he was attempting to navigate SCP-3001 to find a way out. He finally moved close enough to the recording log on the eleventh day, though did not notice it was operating for several more hours.]

…

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Favorite song, "Living on a Prayer."

Wife… Anna…

Anna…

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Favorite song, "Living on a Prayer."

Wife, Anna. She has green eyes. I love her very much.

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

Height, 178 cm.

Weight, 85 kg.

Wife, Anna. Anna, I'm sorry.

Name, Robert Scranton. Age, 39. Birthday, September 19, 1961.

Favorite color, blue.

My wife's name is Anna. We got married August 12, 1991.

I hope she got out okay.

Please let her be all right, please let her be all right.

Robert, Scranton. 39. Anna, blue, wife. Please… please, God, please…

Anna… Anna… Anna bo banna… Anna bo banna…

What the… what the hell is that? [It is assumed at this point Dr. Scranton noticed the flashing light of the recording module.]

What the fuck, this thing's actually recording?

[Metallic clang heard.]

[Voice is highly agitated and panicked.] My name, is Robert Scranton. Yeah, yeah, my name, is Robert Scranton, former researcher at Foundation Site-120. It has been… I don't know, actually, I… I can't remember. I… I estimate it's been ten days, but, I-I-I don't, I can't… Oh God, can anyone hear me?! I-I-I don't know what's happened, I-I don't know where I am, and-and, please, please is anyone there?! Hello?! Anyone?! ANYONE?!

No one can hear me. Oh God, oh God, oh God. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

Why the hell is this thing even working, it can't be working, it SHOULDN'T be working, so what the hell?! I need to — God, I need to, I need to… see, how… long can I talk here, I think there's a-a-a cap or something on the recording log, and I-I-I can't see anything, I can only see the red light blinking on and off, I can't see any of the switches next to it…

I'm really hungry.

Thirsty, too. I think I should be dead from dehydration by now, but… I don't know.

Hi, little red light. Can you talk to me? Can you talk to… Anna, for me? Hello?

I found the controls.

Two weeks, three days, forty-seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Two weeks, three days, forty-seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Two weeks, three days, seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Two weeks, three days, seven hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

Oh… Jesus.

ERROR WITH PLAYBACK, ERROR WITH PLAYBACK. ERROR WITH PLAYBACK.

Wherever the hell I am, I'm pretty sure now that… I don't need to eat to stay alive. It hurts… a lot, but… at this point I don't think I'm gonna die… So… I'm gonna… I'm gonna take my time… I guess. I… Maybe some sort of miracle will happen and I'll get out. Heh. Keep dreaming, Robert. Yeah, I'm… I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep.

Three weeks, four days, nineteen hours.

I have a picture of Anna in my pocket. I almost forgot. Little red light, let me see her face, please? Just a little bit, I just… I just want to see her a bit.

Hi, Anna, I'm still here, I'm still here. I'm coming back, okay?

Two months, four days, three hours.

… Hi. Robert here. Yeah, I-I haven't really recorded much to hear in the past few weeks. Ha. Hahahaha… Hahaha… huh… huh…

Sorry, gotta keep it together. Breathe.

I've been… I've been busy. Trying to learn more about the place I'm in. My prison. My kingdom all my own. Heh, King Robert. God, I stink. Is there even air in this goddamn place? Stinky King Robert, king of GODDAMN NOTHING FUCK.

…Sorry, sorry. I, I gotta keep this professional. I'll… I'll come back when I'm feeling rested.

… Okay, here goes. [Inhales then exhales deeply.]

My name is… Robert Scranton. I am a former Head Researcher of Site… 120, a Foundation facility dedicated to studying various reality-bending SCPs, for the purpose of developing more advanced countermeasures towards such threats.

For the last… red light, speak to me,

Two months, eight days, sixteen hours.

What red light said. I have been trapped in what I believe to be an empty pocket dimension. Alone. Yeah… alone. All alone.

I'm calling this place SCP… I don't know, I can't remember where we are, screw it. I don't know what's happened in the past… red light, please, again.

Two months, eight days, sixteen hours.

But… no one else is around to argue, and at this point… I'm just talking into this control panel to keep myself together. I… I need to keep a record. There might be some poor bastard in the future who ends up like me, and… if this ever actually makes it out… maybe, maybe I can help stop that from happening. That's all I have going for me right now, and I really need something to go for, hahahaha…

…So, yeah, Robert… Scranton… documenting a new SCP for… future research purposes. That'll have to do. Here we go!

- Close.

…

Two months, eleven days, ten hours.

Item number, SCP I don't fucking care.

Object Class, Euclid, I guess, but I don't know, I might update this in time. I need to explore more.

Special Containment Procedures, god I sound so much like a shrink right now… Um… I don't know if we could… contain wherever I am. It's… definitely not on Earth. To be honest I don't know where it is. I… I think it has do something with the Stabilizer prototype… I'll explain that more later. Okay… um… yeah, wherever I am, I don't think it can be contained much as… created. No, no, that's not the word I'm looking for. Um… entered. Yeah, entered is better. I came into this place because of some really bad reality-bending accident and… no, no, Robert, don't be like that yet, you don't know if there's no exit yet. Ooooh… livin' on a prayer… halfway… there. Ahem.

Two months, eleven days, eighteen hours.

So… wait, no, Description, Robert, stick to the format… This place… It's some sort of reality gap, I think. It's dark. Really dark. As in, this little red light that shows my words are actually being recorded is the only visible light in this entire place. I can't see my hands, and I can barely see the control panel here. I've had to basically use the light as a center, and remember how many steps I take and in which direction. I haven't gone past a hundred yet. I'm too… I'm too scared to. Heh. I wonder if my hair is turning white, right now? I can't even see what color it is anymore. Speaking of which, my head has been a bit itchy recently. If I don't concentrate on it, it's fine, but I feel this… tingling all over my face. I'm not sure why.

Two months, fifteen days, four hours.

Okay… hoooo… I-I need to relax for a minute, Jesus, god, shit. Holy… shit, shit, shit… I… just discovered a new property of this place. All this time, I've been thinking I might be walking on… some sort of… flat ground, if you will. I kept eye contact with little red as far as I could see, and it seems I could walk in a straight, flat path. Jesus, my head is buzzing right now, I think the adrenaline is still kicking… But, if my hypothesis is correct, and this really is some sort of reality… void, then there shouldn't be anything to walk on. Now that I think about, the whole time I've been in here, it's felt like… I'm walking, but I'm also swimming through something. And this something is thick, and form-fitting, it has this… pressure, which I know isn't the correct term, but goddamn it, this place makes no damn sense and I'm doing my best to understand it, okay?!

God… Sorry.

So, the best analogy I can come up with is… it's like I'm walking through really thick black gel. There's enough tension to keep me on a… "surface", but if I… imagine myself pressing down hard enough, I can descend. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think… I think I need to test this more, I'll be back.

Two months, seventeen days, two hours.

Navigation is largely affected by… conscious impulses to travel in a certain direction. So, this definitely isn't a complete reality gap, at least according to mine and Anna's theories. If-if it were I wouldn't have been able to move at all, since space wouldn't have existed. Holy shit, okay, okay, this makes a lot more sense than it did before, great, great job, Robert, you're getting there. …Come to think of it, I should've realized that sooner when I was able to move in a flat plane to and from little red. It also explains why I'm not dead from dehydration or hunger yet, time barely passes in here. Okay yeah, so, I stood right next to little red, and went straight… "down." Okay, from here on out, imagine little red as the origin of a 3D space. I went straight… down, right, yeah, and then… and then I was then able to come back "up" to little red again. I've also been able to "fly" above red. Movement in here is slow, like I said, gel analogy, best I can describe it by.

Two months, twenty-two-days, three hours.

Reporting back for another update, red, SIR! Hahaha, come on red, lighten up. Ha! Pun not intended… Come on red, crack a little smile, it's funny!

…

… Fine, whatever. Ahem.

This place still seems like it barely follows Kejel's Laws of Reality Parameters. And by barely, I mean, really just barely. I'm pretty sure my math is right, but… hold on, I'm gonna check again…

Jesus. Yeah, yeah, pretty sure it's good still. Okay, this place… if we're using the standard Hume scale, I'm pretty sure I'm in a reality where the Hume Field is… point zero… four… ish. Yeah, really, really, really fucking low, so… Like I said above, space-time exists on a very minuscule scale, so my biology is not getting shot to hell and back because of any malnutrition, but that also means… I… I'm actually not sure what that also means…

…

Adding on from the last entry. I'm… I'm not sure how my biology will react in such a low Hume concentration, actually. I mostly worked with higher than average Hume Fields, and the reality benders we tested never had a Field lower than 0.8. This… this is gonna be a first. An all-time first. I remember Site-133's "Prommel Killer", they called it that because it broke the previous theory about the lowest limit of Hume concentration. Really expensive, really weird machine that brought down a small area to 0.4. 0.05 is… yeah.

I was lying. I was lying, last log… I… I'm lying to myself. My own body, and… little red here too… We're about the realest things in this place. And that means… over time… the Hume field's going to want to… equalize, and… I'm… I'm gonna go for now, I have some… some calculation to do again. Red, Anna, take note I'm using Kejel's Second, Third, and Fourth Laws, got it? Use… use 0.05 as the surrounding, my external field as… somewhere in between 1 and 1.4, use the Second Law's error estimation correction, and my internal as… as… as… shit. I'm not done yet.

I am real. I am super-real. Super duper real. Ultra real, the realest guy in a world of no-real.

You have no sense of humor as usual, red. I'm talking about the LSS, red. When we got sent here, I think… I think our reality got cranked up a notch. Red, didn't you pay attention in class? Hey, don't get fucking smart with me, red. Okay, the point is, the LSS surge got us up to… to…

Two months, eighteen days, seven hours.

No, red, not even fucking close, you must've converted Kejel's Third Law equation wrong. Because of the malfunctioning LSS we got blasted by, we're somewhere in between 2.2 and 3.6. Yes, that's good red, that's very good, because that means we have more time than we thought to… to… yes, red, before we fucking DIE, okay?!

Two months, twenty four days, five hours.

About three years. Four, if… If I don't interact too much. If… If I had had an LSS here, I could maybe stretch it out to… eight, maybe, that's best case scenario… But I have… I have to… I… know… but… but… three years. Three years, then it's past the point of no return. Ha. Hahahahaha. I should… I should definitely figure something out by then. I think I still should be pretty good for a while… At least… no, no, I won't be in here that long… I'll definitely figure something out…

Anna, what would we do with a case like this? I need your help, honey. That… that tingling I've been feeling… That's my Hume Field diffusing… My… my reality fading… Three years. I need to stabilize myself within three years.

I've been thinking… Anna and I, we had this theory… Even though the Hume Field is low, it's still a Hume Field. And precisely since it's so low, Hume diffusion should take quite a while. Now if… if I could… contain… recycle the fields, keep the diffusion from spreading too thin, I could… And I could also maybe… it's only a theory, but… It's worth a shot. But that means…

Hey, red. I… I'm gonna have to go for a bit. I want to test something, and you can't come with me. I… I'm sorry. No, no, red, I'm really, really sorry, I want you to come, I do, but… if we're together the diffusion will increase faster… We both need as much time as possible. I need to figure this place out more, and you need to make sure you keep all that info in your head. It's… red, come on. You- you'll be fine red, I know you will, you're tough. A lot tougher than me… it'll only be for a bit, red, but I need to see if I can find a way to keep us alive a bit longer. Maybe even get us out of here. If I can contain enough field, I can… I can maybe even get us out. No, no I'm not sure, but I need to find out. Red, we're talking about possibly escaping, okay? Yeah, it's a gap. A gap should have an end, like a… like the walls of a canyon, understand? I need to find a wall, and then, and then I can…

…

I'm sorry, red, I hope we're still friends when I come back.

…

I'm… I'm going now… I'll see you soon.

…

- Close.

Six months, ten days, five hours.

Hello again, little red. It's been a while.

You know… thinking back… I don't know what the hell I was so excited about. This place is… god, this place. This place is is fucking… hell.

There's no end. It just goes on. And on. And on.

I traveled in one goddamn direction for two, damn, months. God, I'm so fucking stupid, why did I think I could get out? I'm thinking like those old European shits that thought the end of the world was at the horizon. Fucking stupid, Robert, stupid, just-just- GAAAAAAAAAAAH—

If I let myself fall down long enough would I eventually hit a bottom?

Ten months, 28 days, 15 hours.

There's no bottom. And fuck you, red.

I'm sorry, red, don't go out, I'm sorry I turned you off, come back, come back, please—

… I turned 40 today. Happy birthday, Robert.

I was adopted, did you know that? Yeah, my parents left me in a box on the side of a street. Got picked up by some American couple, which explains my not-so-Chinese names. I don't even know my original last name. Just thought I'd share. How about you, red?

Anna and I met on-site in 1988. God she was beautiful. She still is. It was our eyes. She has beautiful eyes. My eyes are grey, they're boring, but hers… God they're beautiful. Do you think… Do you think she's still worried about me, little red? Is she looking for me?

You know, red, you're a great listener. But I never hear you talk about yourself. Come on, don't be shy, there's no one else around, right? Hahaha, right? Hahaha… hahahahaha…

"I'm sorry, Robert, I'm afraid I can't do that." Hahaha, red, you're hilarious.

Were you married? Kids? Any family at all? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Come on, red, I won't judge, just… talk to me, please. God, my head hurts. And my feet feel like they've been asleep for forever.

I worked at a comic store as a kid. So much cheaper back then, and I got free stuff at the end of each week. I liked Spiderman the best.

I was in a box, side of the street.

I… what the fuck… no. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, red, have you seen my picture? The picture red, Anna's picture, where is - come on, come on, where-where- Anna! ANNA! ANNA! Where did - no, no, no, no, no, please, please no, anything but, PLEASE.

It's fading, she's fading, she's fading, please, Anna, no, please, come on, sweetie, stay here, it's too soon, it's TOO SOON, my math isn't wrong, it's NOT WRONG, YOU SHOULD BE FINE. ANNA, ANNA, I can't hold you, come back, Anna, sweetie, honey, Anna please, I need you, I need you, please, please, don't go, I'm here, I'm still here. RED GET HELP. Anna, please, please, don't go, don't -

Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. Black hair, green eyes, 160. [Dr. Scranton repeats this for three hours.]

Anna and I got married in '91. We couldn't really get the nicest suit and dress we wanted because of work, but, damn, we both looked great. Anna looked better, of course. We just danced, and danced the whole night, got the whole week off. Even a job like mine lets you enjoy your honeymoon… So, come on red, open up, put 'er there, high five. Come on. Come on, red.

One year, two months, twenty-seven days.

…

…

AAAAAAA—

[The next recordings only play the control panel's automated voice giving times, with intervals of one to three days, with several month-long gaps in between as well; also intermixed are Dr. Scranton's sobbing, screaming, and mumbling. These recordings continue until the time reading reaches two years, seven months, and 28 days, after which they cease to pick up any sound until two months later.]

[hellomehlo]

Get To Know Me Tag!

It me - time for me to answer some questions!

1. what is your full name?: Emily (that’s all I’m gon’ share :D) 2. what are your nicknames?: Em 3. birthday?: november 2nd 4. what is your favorite book series?: A Court of Thorns and Roses series 5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?: ghosts kinda sorta maybe? 6. who is your favorite author?: Sarah J Maas for ever and ever 7. what is your favorite radio station?: i don’t listen to the radio ha 8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?: Mint - spearmint, peppermint anything is yummmm 9. what word would you often use to describe something great or wonderful?: noice 10. what is your current favorite song?: the entire les miserables 10th anniversary dreamcast soundtrack 11. what is your favorite word?: yeet 12. what was the last song you listened to?: Prologue from Les Mis 10th Anniversary dreamcast soundtrack 13. what tv show would you recommend for everyone to watch?: Brooklyn Nine Nine and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?: Barbie movies (don’t judge me pls) 15. do you play video games?: yes 16. what is your biggest fear?: losing someone I love 17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?: uh, I’m optimistic? 18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?: Perfectionism. 19. do you like cats or dogs better?: Don’t make me pick (but dogs probs) 20. what’s your favorite season?: summer 21. are you in a relationship?: nope. 22. what is something you miss from your childhood?: Being little enough to sit on my dad’s shoulders 23. who is your best friend?: One girl from my dance class - we’re both huuuuge theatre nerds 24. what is your eye color?: blue 25. what is your hair color?: reddish brown 26. who is someone you love? My ma 27. who is someone you trust?: see 26 28. who is someone you think about often?: see 26 29. are you currently excited about/for something?: I get to move interstate for university in a few weeks and I’m v excited 30. what is your biggest obsession?: Musical Theatre 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?: Hi-5 32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?: My dad, I guess 33. are you superstitious?: A bit 34. do you have any unusual phobias?: what counts as unusual tho, idk probably not. Spiders are a pretty normal phobia? 35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?: in front of the camera 36. what is your favorite hobby?: singin’ 37. what was the last book you read?: Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare 38. what was the last movie you watched?: Moonraker - James Bond 39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?: Piano, Violin, Guitar and Voice 40. what is your favorite animal?: Llamas (duh) 41. what are your top 5 tumblr blogs that you follow?: @gerbits @allieice @darlingimmafangirl @lemonywaffles​ @suddenlycowplants 42. what superpower do you wish you had?: The ability to manipulate rainbows 43. when and where do you feel most at peace?: On a holiday I went on recently to Indonesia, watching the sun set on a beach 44. what makes you smile?: The Trixie and Katya Show 45. what sports do you play, if any?: I dance :) 46. what is your favorite drink?: fruit smoothies 47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?: this morning - had to remind my brother to check his phone ‘cause I went out while he was still asleep 48. are you afraid of heights?: I’m not afraid of being up high, but I’m afraid of falling 49. what is your biggest pet peeve?: PEOPLE THAT USE INCORRECT GRAMMAR 50. have you ever been to a concert?: yes 51. are you vegan/vegetarian?: I’m like...a selective vegetarian. 52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?: A pop star, just like Hannah Montana 53. what fictional world would you like to live in?: Either Prythian from ACoTaR, or the Overwatch universe.  54. what is something you worry about?: EVERYTHING 55. are you scared of the dark?: yes 56. do you like to sing?: I do indeedy 57. have you ever skipped school?: Never by choice - but doctors and dentists love scheduling appointments in the middle of the school day grr grr 58. what is your favorite place on the planet?: in a theatre 59. where would you like to live?: Melbourne, or LA (I know it sounds cliche, but like kinda) 60. do you have any pets?: I used to have a fat goldfish but he died, aged 11 years old ;-; 61. are you more of an early bird or night owl?: night owl 62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?: sunset 63. do you know how to drive?: Well I can legally and physically drive a car, but uh - I’ve been too busy in life to take my test, so I guess I’ll be on my Learner’s forever -_- 64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?: depends on my mood 65. have you ever had braces?: yeaaaah, back in middle school 66. what is your favorite genre of music?: MUSICAL THEATRE 67. who is your hero?: my mum 68. do you read comic books?: no 69. what makes you the most angry?: PEOPLE USING BAD GRAMMAR 70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or a real book?: real book 71. what is your favorite subject in school?: music, or the school musical 72. do you have any siblings?: yeh, one younger brother 73. what was the last thing you bought?: Online: a phone case that says ‘oh honey’ on the back (Trixie Mattel where u @ gurlllll) IRL: Oats 74. how tall are you?: 5′7 75. can you cook?: not to save my life, but I need to learn before i move away fml 76. what are three things that you love?: musical theatre, RuPaul’s Drag Race and Overwatch 77. what are three things that you hate?: stress, homophobia, the fact that they cancelled Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt after 4 seasons ;-; 78. do you have more female friends or male friends?: female 79. what is your sexual orientation?: straight/heterosexual 80. where do you currently live?: Australiaaaaaa 81. who was the last person you texted?: My group of theatre nerd friends 82. when was the last night you cried?: like a week ago when I went to a production of Les Mis starring heaps of my friends and I was so proud I cried 83. who is your favorite youtuber?: vixella/heyimbee 84. do you like to take selfies?: yeah! 85. what is your favorite app?: snapchat, youtube or netflix, can’t pick. 86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?: my mom is the best, and so is my dad! 87. what is your favorite foreign accent?: American, but that’s cause I have to use one for just about every musical I’m in 88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but want to visit?: HARRY POTTER WORLD IN LA 89. what is your favorite number?: 8 90. can you juggle?: kinda, but not well enough to brag 91. are you religious?: idk at this point, kinda but not fully idk 92. do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting?: ocean - space scares me 93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?: fuck no 94. are you allergic to anything?: dust 95. can you curl your tongue?: mhm! 96. can you wiggle your ears?: no 97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?: I should more often than I do 98. do you prefer the forest or beach?: beach 99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?: You do you, girl. 100. are you a good liar?: I think I am, but my friends disagree 101. what is your hogwarts house?: Ravenclaw 102. do you talk to yourself?: yep 103. are you an introvert or extrovert?: ambivert 104. do you keep a journal/diary?: i’ve had one since I was 7, but I only write in it like once every 2 years 105. do you believe in second chances?: depends 106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?:  turn it in 107. do you believe people are capable of change?: yes 108. are you ticklish?: absolutely, but don’t do it 109. have you ever been on a plane?: yeah 110. do you have any piercings?: my ears are pierced 111. what fictional character do you wish was real?: RHYSAND FROM ACOTAR, GIMME GIMME 112. do you have any tattoos?: no, and don’t plan on getting any 113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?: moving dance schools 114. do you believe in karma?: yes 115. do you wear glasses/contacts?: no 116. do you want children?: haven’t decided, probably tho 117. who is the smartest person you know?: my teachers 118. what is your most embarrassing memory?: tripping up the stairs onto a stage on my way to receive an award 119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?: no 120. what color are most of your clothes?: navy blue, burgundy, black 121. do you like adventures?: sometimes 122. have you ever been on tv?: i’ve appeared on the news in advertisments for musicals I’m in, but I’ve never been interviewed ;-; 123. how old are you?: 18 124. what is your favorite quote?: “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times...you’re a fucking idiot, change off widowmaker, I don’t wanna be sniped anymore.” - Muselk 125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods?: savoury

[thewomaninlilywhite]

@thecircusofyourmind see, I actually answered all these in a googledoc the day you sent me the ask, I’m just The Worst and never posted it...

Disclaimer: I left out some questions I’m not comfortable answering (usually because thinking about the answer made me too anxious)

Also, Christine is my therapist… her name comes up a few times in these answers

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I am 5’ but I wish I was shorter because, growing up, I was always the shortest so now it’s weird and makes me feel uncomfortable when I’m not...if that makes sense. Like, it feels like part of my identity is gone? (Christine lowkey roasts me for this one)

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’m such a cat person. I love cats. I’d want a either a pure white persian or a bombay or a maine coon.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

I love the fashion of the 1930s-1950s

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

I played way more mario kart than my skills (or lack thereof) would suggest. Also, professor Layton (still do!)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Very sensitive and overemotional: handle with care. Is prone to bursting out into showtunes she thinks she can sing, but can’t.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

I’m a melancholic mercury (I do shakespeare so I always think in terms of temperaments and planets, especially because I have too much sanguine tendency to identify as purely melancholic, but it is definitely my dominant temperament)

9: Are you ticklish?

Absolutely

10: Are you allergic to anything?

I’m lactose-intolerant, I try to cut back on gluten because of my Hashimotos, I also can’t eat peppers and usually avoid soy, but I’ve never actually been tested for allergies so like, who knows

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

Cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

An elf, I’m already small

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

I subscribe to so many different YouTubers for so many different reason, but if I had to pick one, I’d probably say Kathryn Morgan because her videos have helped me so much as a both a dancer and a person (especially with my diet and lifestyle because we have the same thyroid condition)

16: How tall are you?

5’

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

115lb. but I’m trying to lose weight (I want to be under 110, and trust me, I’ve got plenty to lose)

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

To an extent

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

The ocean, the infiniteness of space makes me too anxious, plus, I’ve always lived near the ocean.

21: Are you religious?

Yes

22: Pet peeves?

Slow walkers, people who don’t give you personal space in the queue, people who have no respect for the people around them in public places in general, the list is actually pretty long.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

I basically am nocturnal – I literally can never concentrate on important things until after 8pm

24: Favorite constellation?

Scorpio because I can always see it when my family goes up to Maine over the summer so it makes me think of that

25: Favorite star?

So tacky, but I love Polaris; I feel like it’s so magical to think that long ago sailors would look up at the sky and based off this little guy, could figure out where they were. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy for some reason.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

I never had on eso I had to google this and they’re beautiful

27: Any phobias or fears?

I have anxiety (social phobia, arachnophobia, thanatophobia, claustrophobia, fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown, the list is long and my therapist doesn’t like me going this deep into it because then I get overwhelmed and trigger a panic attack – we’re working on my social anxiety first…)

28: Do you think global warming is real?

I think the earth goes through periods of cooling (ending in with the ice ages) and warming (which we are currently in) and therefore do not think that warming is CAUSED by humans, but I do think humans are speeding up the process

30: Favorite movie?

Mary Poppins, Rebecca, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Confessions of a Shopaholic are the only movies I’ve sat and watched all the way through on more than one occasion without being distracted so...

32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime?

I had a cat named Lucky when I was younger, I currently have a cat named Lindsay, and, when I was younger, I had two goldfish who I named Dora and Boots (and Lucky ate them when the bowl got [mysteriously] knocked off the counter)

34: What is a color that calms you?

Lavender and Ballet Pink (gee, I wonder why)

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

New York is my home, I adore Paris, but I could see myself living in London

36: Where were you born?

Long Island

37: What is your eye color?

Hazel, though sometimes they appear blue when it’s raining

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

I don’t believe in them per se, but I do read my horoscope everyday because the one I use tends to have little motivational sayings in it and they help boost my mood

40: Hugs or kisses?

Depends on who they’re from

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

A lot of people...

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

Everyone...I love far too much

43: Any piercings you want?

I have two holes in my ears and I don’t desire any more than that

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I don’t think they make a person MORE attractive, but I like how they allow people to express themselves, especially with the artistry involved with tattoos. You can learn a lot about a person based off what they put on/do to their bodies

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

Absolutely not – I don’t like associating with people who do… it makes me very uncomfortable

47: What is a sound you really hate?

Loud noises

49: Can you do a backflip?

I wish

50: Can you do the splits?

Definitely

53: How are you feeling right now?

Lonely

55: When did you feel happiest?

When I am dancing

56: Something that calms you down?

Listening to music, reading, writing, dancing, sketching...

57: Have any mental disorders?

I’ve been formally diagnosed with multiple types of anxiety disorders (GAD, Social Anxiety, other phobias, OCD) but… let’s just say there are things I keep from may therapist that may imply I have others...

58: What does your URL mean?

It’s a reference to The Woman in White and The Secret Garden

59: What three words describe you the most?

Passionate, Loyal, Overwhelmed

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Simple answer: yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

If they post too much about politics (because I use social media to escape the real world, not to be reminded of it, plus a lot of things [especially on here] are not fact-checked so I don’t believe much of it anyway), if they start posting things that make me uncomfortable or strain my own mental health, if they’re rude to me or other bloggers

62: What makes you follow a blog?

I like them and/or their content

63: Favorite kind of person:

Trustworthy and open

64: Favorite animal(s):

Puffins, Penguins, Cats

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

I’ve taken multiple tests and it’s always either INTJ or INFJ, but their percentages are always close to 50/50 so it really depends on the situation

69: What is your star sign?

Libra

73: Do you have platform shoes?

I have platform heels?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I’m currently trying to read every Hercule Poirot novel (is that interesting? Idk I’m a pretty boring person)

75: Can you do a front flip?

Again, I wish.

76: Do you like birds?

Sure

77: Do you like to swim?

Yes

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

I rarely go ice skating. I used to love it when I did, but I haven’t gone since my knee surgery so I think I’ll be too anxious to enjoy it

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

Being creative

83: Favorite person to talk to:

I don’t like talking to people

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

I thought it’s what all the “cool popular girls” at school used, but I didn’t understand it and didn’t actually use my blog until months after I created it

85: How many followers do you have?

730

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

I have before, but I’m not sure if I still could.

87: Do your socks always match?

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

Yes

89: What are your birthstones?

Opal

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

A fox

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

A rose, sweet and elegant, yet prickly and cautious toward people trying to use me

92: A store you hate?

Urban Outfitters

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

I shouldn’t drink more than one cup of decaf a day, but sometimes I do… sorry Christine

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Neither

95: Do you like to wear camo?

No

96: Winter or summer?

Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

A minute, last time I timed myself

99: Someone you look up to:

Laura Michelle Kelly

100: A store you love?

H&M

101: Favorite type of shoes

Heels

102: Where do you live?

New York

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

No because I have a very sensitive stomach and would literally die of malnutrition if I didn’t eat meat because I can’t eat a lot of food that vegetarians/vegans use as supplements

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

I love amethysts and pearls and opals and diamonds

105: Do you drink milk?

I can’t

106: Do you like bugs?

No

107: Do you like spiders?

...I’m arachnophobic

108: Something you get paranoid about?

Everything, I have an anxiety disorder (actually multiple…)

109: Can you draw:

Kinda?

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Why do you keep to yourself all the time”

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

NO THANK YOU

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes!

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Cloudy, I get chronic migraines so the sun can be too much for me

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

Joe, one of my absolute best friends (he gives the BEST hugs)

118: Do you have freckles?

Yes

119: Favorite thing about a person:

If they treat me kindly and gently and don’t make fun of how emotional I am

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

Sing

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

Dim, but not too dim

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

How catty people are

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

The way little niches form

128: What do you think about the least?

Things that trigger my anxiety ?? How is this question supposed to be asked ??

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

No one, that’s rude

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I don’t like anything about myself (Christine’s gonna come for me for this because she always tries to get me to answer these kinds of questions and I never can)

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

My teeth can’t physically show when I smile?

133: Computer or TV?

Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

No

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

Lobed

137: Do you believe in karma?

Yes

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

Like a 0

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Jillibean, chicklet, Jilli, Jill, I usually just go by Jillian though

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

Yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

Shout out to my girl Christine for putting up with my disaster of a life every friday morning at 9am!

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

I feel like I have no influence over others

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I like giving help, but hate giving gifts because I feel like I’m so bad at it

144: What makes you angry

When people don’t listen to me, when people aren’t being fair (in a situation where fairness is due)

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

2 – English and French

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

I prefer people who are nice to me

147: Are you androgynous?

No

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

Wasn’t this already asked? Nothing

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

Nothing

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

Joe, Sammi, Lindsey

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Victorian England

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

Yes

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES is this not something people do?? (sorry Joe)

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes (seriously wishing Joe used tumblr so I could tag him in all these things)

156: What embarrasses you?

Everything, legit my entire existence is an embarrassment to everyone who associates with me

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Everything, I have an (several) anxiety disorder(s)

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

“I’m fine”

159: How many people are you following?

139 – I did like a cleanse over the summer

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

84,034 and I actually just gasped at that number – why am I like this?

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

None

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

4,901

163: Last time you cried and why:

Watching “When Calls the Heart” earlier had me teary-eyed, but I was kinda at my Grandmother funeral a few days ago so???

164: Do you have long or short hair?

Long

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

I don’t know, I don’t measure it?

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

I like religion when it is practiced in a way that doesn’t harm other people. I don’t believe that anyone should be forced to follow a religion, but it can really provide safety and guidance to people when followed correctly.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes – it’s an artform to me, and I love experimenting with different looks!

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

Head, yes, hands, no and I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong because I know all like the techniques and stuff I’m supposed to be employing and they never work ???

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

[clownjail]

49 Questions with Mika Part 2

Part 1

Under the cut because it's very long!

Friends

21) Best Friend(s)?

I never really considered anybody a best friend, I don't even consider the kids I lived with in the orphanage acquaintances, let alone friends. Though recently I made a friend in school, her name is Yui Komori and she's lovely!

22) Who was their first friend?

Hmm I guess my first ever friend was a blue bird called River! She was the orphanage pet, and not to brag or anything but I was cleary her favorite out of all the kids, I didn't have any friends at the orphanage and my experience there was pretty bland but River made it the experience more enjoyable! She always was quiet little thing but if i'm around, I'll never get her to shut up, which really annoyed the orphanage kids heh. When I was bought by the Ayashii's, apart of me was upset because I'll never see River again but the following day, she was in my bedroom window, waiting for my retun! I was just a kid back then so I didn't question how she got there, she wasn't an extremely good flyer to begin with and even if she was, she was still a baby, and even now, I sometimes see a glimpse of her when i'm by myself but it's probably my imagination haha.

23) What is their friend group like?

I don't really have a friend group, sometimes I hang out with Yui but she's often being dragged around with the Sakamaki's brothers. Master Shin has made it very clear that if he catches me talking casually to someone of a lower breed, I'll be severely punished! So because of that I can't interact with Yui as much as I want to.

26) Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one?

I wouldn't say I hurt a friend, more like a friend has hurt me, though I guess we were never really friends to begin with…

27) Do they have a crush on any of their friends?

*blushes* I-I consider Master Shin one of my closest friends, even if he doesn't see it that way, b-but recently I want more than that…is that what you consider a c-crush? *blush intensifies*

28) Do they share classes with good friends?

Well Yui is a year above me, so we don't share the same classes together, the only time we see each other is in the hallways, lunch or sometimes cooking class. However I do share a class with Subaru-kun, though he probably doesn't see me as a friend, let alone acquaintance, we sit next to each other and he's often fun to tease!

29)  Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on?

The bathroom. I don't like crying in front of other people because I don't want them to worry over me, I don't want them to pity me, so whenever I feel like I need to cry, I do it in a private area.

30) What would this person do without their friends in their lives?

That's a good question…my oldest friend, River, has been with me since I was a child, I couldn't imagine what it would be like without her being there to keep me company but then again, River, doesn't live with me anymore and I'm doing fine without her but I do miss her a lot…

School

31)  What grade are they in? If they arent in school, how come?

Even though im 17 years old, I'm in my first year! I didn't get a proper education most kids my age should get, so because of that I got bumped down a grade, they were actually considering dropping me to second year of Middle School, if Master Carla didn't get involve, I don't where I'll be at…

32) Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one?

…… I'll be lying if I said that I enjoy all my teachers, there are just some teachers/subjects that I do not care for nor like. Since i'm usually pulled into Master Shin shenanigans, i'm on thin ice with some teachers.

33)  Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot?

I try my best to listen to the teachers but when you're sitting next to someone like Subaru-kun, it's gets kinda hard to listen to the lecture when your partner is angrily tearing up the test sheets hehe

34) Are/Where they a good student grade wise?

I-i mean, I like to think that i'm a good student, j-just not academically! While I enjoy most subjects, i'm awful in some of them, if it wasn't for Master Carla, strict but much needed teaching methods, I'll probably be a straight C student.

35) Do/Did they need extra help?

Yeah, I guess you could say that, usually Master Carla will tutor me, and while I do appreciate his help his teaching methods can be harsh at times, I remember the first time, I got a question wrong on a test after months of studying, I will never forget what happened next *shivers*!

37) Do/Did they have bullies in school?

There's the occasional catty group of girls, who sometimes spread snarky remarks and rumors about me and Master Shin, Master Shin would be very angry at me, if he knew I was getting worked up about false rumors, so I tried to not let their words get to me.

38) Have they ever gotten into a fight at school?

Well some of the girls could be a bit catty towards me, mostly it's because of how close I am with the Tsukinami brothers, especially Master Shin. It doesn't really bother me but sometimes the girls cross the line, and try to go physical on me, so when that happens, I usually revert to self defense. I know violence isn't always the answer but sometimes I can't help it, when fists are flying, my initial default thought process is to retort back as well! It's stuck in my brain at this point!

39) Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school?

Many times! Master Shin is usually the cause of this or is somehow involve but there was this one time I was running late to class,

40) How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back?

I'm planning to finish all three years of school! I never went to school when I was a child but now that I am attending classes, I could learn all new things that I never experience or seen before! I want to learn more and more about everything and anything, and my first step to accomplish that goal is by attending school, not like I'm complaining though!

Other

41)  Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? 

*blushes* I-i mean I do have a slight c-crush on someone, b-but dating never crossed my mind!

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret?

Because i'm a servant of the Tsukinami's, I don't have much free time but whenever I have the time, I usually practice my knitting skills! Master Shin, always teases for being interested in a 'lame hobby' but I spotted three sweaters that I knitted, in his closets, that he previously called ugly, so its safe to assume he really does like my craft *giggles*

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be?

For a long time, what I really wanted in life was freedom but now that I have that, I don't need anything else.

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one?

Well I don't know if it classify as a job but i'm a servant of the Tsukinami's household. I don't really consider myself as a maid or servant, because I don't really do anything servant-like, all I really do is just help out the Tsukinami brothers with minor tasks, such as grocery shopping. I think the familiars are more useful and servant-like than I am.

45)   Do they use social media?

Heh I'm not really tech-savvy as the kids these days are, so not really! (Oh my gosh Mika you're not even that old)

46)  Have they ever been in the hospital?

When I was in a slave of the Ayashii's I did have some severe bruises that did needs medical attention but I wasn't given any, so no I never been to a hospital and I don't think I ever want to, some of the stories I hear about hospitals don't sound really pleasing!

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see?

Well I mean, I guess you could say, i'm already living with them!

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset?

Well whenever I feel overwhelmed, I-i usually go to Master Shin *blushes*, he doesn't comfort me or anything, just knowing that's he's there, makes me feel better *blushing intensifies*. Sometimes if he's in a really good mood, I'm allowed to hold him when he's in his wolf form but those times are really rare! H-however if Master Shin is in a bad mood or if he's the cause of my stress than I usually take a walk in the forest, being cooped up all day inside, really gets to me at times so whenever I have the opportunity to go outside, I'll take it, I've find it whenever i'm surrounded by nature, all my nerves go fade away. Sometimes I have a familiar accompany me, just so I can have somebody to keep me company and other times Master Shin would go with me as well.

49) Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey?

I would like to believe that i'm a good person, but I know i'm not, I have done some terrible things to other people and I very deeply regret the things that I did so the best description that fits me is morally grey.

[deadcactuswalking]

BLAST TO THE PAST: 1st July 2001

Hello again and welcome to BLAST TO THE PAST, where we review UK Top 40 charts from decades ago to see what was happening all the way back then. We’re taking a break from the 1980s and zooming past in lightspeed to 2001, specifically the week of 1st-7th July, as Summer had started to kick in. This chart in particular has some classics and some notable events, which we’ll get into right now.

Top 10

Okay, so first, we have a debut – yep, that’s right, it’s not just intense streaming that lands songs at #1 immediately, there were songs that were big enough to sell just that many copies to get to the top at their first week. At number-one, we have “The Way to Your Love” by megastars Hear’Say, who were pretty damn big in the UK, this being their second chart-topping single. Oh, yeah, and they were created by an ITV reality show, because, I mean, of course they were! They’re a British pop group from the 2000s.

Sadly, we don’t see the rise, yet we see the fall of classic cover “Lady Marmalade”, by the all-star cast of Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Lil Kim and Mýa, from the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack, down one spot to number-two.

We have another top five debut, and not the last top 10 debut, with Usher’s “U Remind Me” starting its chart run at number-three.

At number-four, dropping two places from last week, we have “Angel” by Shaggy featuring Rayvon.

Number-five is home to two-spot-dropper “There You’ll Be” by country singer Faith Hill, from the Pearl Harbor soundtrack.

At number-six, we have the debut of Gorillaz’ “19-2000” featuring uncredited vocals from Miho Hatori as well as founding Talking Heads members Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz.

“All I Want” by Alesha Dixon-fronted R&B girl group Mis-Teeq has dropped three spaces to its current spot at number-seven.

Do any of you remember Brandy? Because I sure don’t. Apparently she was huge, but I remember her feature on a Kanye track from Late Registration and that’s pretty much it. It’s somewhat strange that she collaborated with Ray “Hey-Fab-I’mma-kill you” J of all people, but—Wait a second! They’re siblings? And Ray J is Snoop Dogg’s cousin? Wow, he really had connections, huh? Anyway, Brandy and Ray J’s cover of Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” is down three spots to number-eight.

“Another Lover” by another-rando Dane Bowers debuts at number-nine. If you’re wondering who this Dane fellow is, he was in a boyband called Another Level then he was on “Celebrity” Big Brother. In fact, I don’t think I know who this dude is, and I see no reason to find out.

“Do You Really Like It” by DJ Pied Piper and the Masters of Ceremonies finished off the top 10 with a four-space drop back to the final spot in the ten most popular songs of the country as of July 1st, 2001.

Climbers

Let me tell you now – there weren’t many at all. In fact, other than the number-one, there weren’t any songs climbing the charts, rather a whole lot of new entries and a whole lot of fallers.

Fallers

Where do we start?

“Daydream in Blue” by electronica duo (sharing their name with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode) I Monster is down 11 spots to #40, “It’s Over Now” by Diddy’s favourite R&B group 112 is down 17 spots to #39 and “Best Friends” by pop group allSTARS* is down eight spots to #38, who had a show on CITV in 2001, and appeared on the Scooby-Doo soundtrack the same year, so I’m assuming they were for kids by kids.

“Close to You” by Wet Wet Wet singer Marti Pellow is down 16 to #37, “No More (Baby I’ma Do it Right)” by three (forgettable) little women known as 3LW is down 10 to #36, “Digital Love” by the best robots in music Daft Punk is down 11 spots to #35, “Out of Reach” by soul singer Gabrielle is down seven spots to #34, “Sing” by alternative rock band Travis is down 10 spots to #33, “Ride wit Me” by Kelly Rowland’s former crush Nelly featuring rapper City Spud is down six spots to #31, “It’s Raining Men” by ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is down 10 to #30, the classic “Papercut” by nu-metal band Linkin Park is down 15 to #29, 1980’s hit “Electric Avenue” by Eddy Grant is here for some reason, but it’s down nine to #28... seriously, why is this here? Apparently it had a “ringbang remix” which landed it into the top five in 2001. Huh, you learn something new and kind of dumb every day.

“Booo!” by lost-in-time musician Sticky (no, not Sticky Fingaz, this Sticky is some nobody without a Wikipedia page) featuring rapper Ms. Dynamite is down 11 to #27, “Here and Now” by the freaking Steps is down nine to #26, “This Time Around” by house music duo Phats & Small is down 15 from #15 to #25, “Thank You” by Dido – best known for Eminem’s excellent use of it as a sample in “Stan” – is down six spots to #24, “Have a Nice Day” by Britpop band Stereophonics is down eight to #20, as is “We Come 1” by electronica group Faithless at #19 as well as “My Way” by walking punchlines Limp Bizkit at #18. “Don’t Stop Movin’” by S Club 7 is down five to #14, as is “All Rise” by boyband Blue at #13. Wow, that was a lot!

Dropouts

Some data in this section may be inaccurate or non-existent, so bear with me as not all drop-outs will be noted in this section, mostly due to the fact that we don’t know a lot of them and I’m just going by what’s there on the UK Singles Chart’s official website.

There weren’t any returning entries this week, so I figured we’d go straight to the drop-outs that we know of, of which there are quite a few of, like “Cold as Ice” by M.O.P. (the Mash-Out Posse) dropping out from #36, “Heard it All Before” by Sunshine Anderson out from #35, “Rock da Funky Beats” by Public Domain featuring Public Enemy Chuck D out from #33, “Video” by India Arie out from #32, “Free” by Mýa out from #39, “Fiesta” by living trash-bag R. Kelly out from #38, “Never Enough” by Boris Dlugosch and Roisin Murphy out from #40, “Musak” by Trisco out from #28, “Jonathan David” by Belle & Sabastian out from #31, “Voodoo” by Warrior out from #37 and, finally, “Let U Go” by ATB out from #34.

NEW ARRIVALS

Now, let’s just jump right into talking about the ELEVEN new arrivals we have this week. I’ll try and keep it brief.

#32 – “Innocente (Falling in Love)” – Delerium featuring Leigh Nash

So, Delerium is an ambient/electronica group known for their hit song “Silence” featuring Sarah McLachlan and Leigh Nash is the lead singer of rock band Sixpence None the Richer, known for their massive hit “Kiss Me”. They would later go on to record a whole album together six years later in 2007, which I don’t really recommend – it’s kind of boring. Is this song a foreshadowing of what to come?

So I’m not the biggest fan of trance at all but I don’t mind this calmer, peaceful trip-hop-influenced stuff from Delerium, in fact I really love the opening guitar riff and the looming instrumentation (and what seem to be bells) before the steady drum beat kicks in and Leigh Nash starts smoothly singing the first verse, all over the instrumentation like she is the main force rather than a jackhammer beat, which is why a lot of EDM doesn’t click with me. However, this is almost not EDM at all. I mean, it’s kind of danceable electronica but, yeah, this is not trance at all, although the strings are definitely reminiscent and it does slowly pick up pace with some uglier synths like trance often does. I don’t know about this, it really drifts along the line between boring and dreamy, much like a lot of songs from Sixpence None the Richer. Did it have to be six minutes? No, but it doesn’t drag on too much in all its peaceful melancholy. I really don’t know why this was listed as a trance song on Wikipedia? Are they talking about the much longer and much worse Tiesto remix? If so, then why did they not specify? Maybe I’m nitpicking about the Wikipedia page more than I should but this song doesn’t really do much for me. If it had some more pop-rock edge from Leigh Nash, maybe I’d like it more, but as it stands, it’s just really weaksauce.

#23 – “Happy People” – Static Revenger

Ah, great, more EDM – lovely. Static Revenger is a Grammy-winning DJ, mostly known for making house and disco. This song in particular went platinum, so you know it’s going to be good, right? Well, if 6ix9ine’s (Platinum-certified!) “GUMMO” told me anything, it’s that sales don’t mean the art or the artists involved are any good... Maybe I should be more open-minded to dance music, I mean, I like a lot of 1990s house so this can’t be much different. I like the R.E.M. song with pretty much the same name, so it’s not like I’m averted to the concept of... happy people. This can’t be too bad.

Oops! I already kind of hate it and love it at the same time. This guitar riff is great but the synths are too static-y for the most part and the build-up feels too drowned out to really be a good build-up until the jackhammer beat starts coming in before the drop, which is a good climax but not entirely satisfying as the simple, repetitive hook stays exactly the same after the drop – I expected some mix-up? The keys introduced after the first drop are a nice change of pace and I appreciate their inclusion, and this is definitely a really fun, exciting and catchy track, however, I think this is just not my thing. It feels soulless and like a bit of a non-presence, which I guess is good for this type of club track? I don’t know, but I guess I just don’t “get” modern EDM still, even though this is barely modern, being early 2000s and all. Maybe I just don’t get EDM at all. Maybe I should learn to have some fun. Probably that last one. Next.

#22 – “Getting Away with It (All Messed Up)” – James

So, James are an indie rock band who have also dabbled in electronica and more experimental rock, including the artsy album WAH WAH. They’re apparently releasing an album next month, which I’ll definitely check out. This single is from their 2001 album Pleased to Meet You, which received mixed reviews by critics at its initial release. Has this song in particular stood the test of time?

Well, yeah, it has. Not in a way that I can be ecstatic about, as it still is somewhat dreary in its constant simplistic guitar strumming, but once the drum beat kicks in, it gets much more exciting and uses the quiet-loud dynamic well, albeit to a lesser extent than other alternative rock bands, as the main increase in volume is the lead singer’s voice, who croons over the oddly funky bassline and the cheap synths as well as the distorted guitar riffs after the first chorus which, yes, are awesome and are pretty nice as a back-up to synth bleeping and different string patterns that add to how intense and urgent the song seems to be, despite its slower tempo. Oh, yeah, and there’s an insane breakdown or solo before the final chorus, where the synths just freak out and that’s pretty damn cool, and the fact that the last chorus continues with the same instrumental makes the song all the more exciting, as it progresses in intensity just to abruptly end. I’m more of a (similarly-named) Travis fan personally, but this song rocks as well.

#21 – “Million Miles Away” – The Offspring

Remember these guys? I don’t know about everyone else, but I used to love these guys. They were one of my favourite bands, and honestly, probably still are as far as rock is concerned. The Offspring are a Californian rock band fronted by Dexter Holland, who always straddled the lines between alternative, pop punk and straight-up punk rock. They have a UK number-one and many other hits (and damn good deep cuts) in their arsenal, so how does this song in particular, from their album Conspiracy of One, fare?

It starts with a rapid and intense guitar riff that isn’t too heavy but fast enough to keep up with the simplistic, mad-cap drumming, creating an instrumental base for Dexter to moan about his break-up over. While I appreciate the instrumental, it is a tad too simple, as is the hook with the “oh, oh, oh” vocalisations and the singing feeling too whiny at times, especially in that chorus. While I love the instrumental to death, I feel Dexter’s sloppily-mixed vocals being all over it ruin it for me. However, there’s enough time where it’s just the backing and the guitar solo also rocks, so yeah, although I’m not a fan of the repetitive lyrics and delivery here, I can dig what’s behind it. Sadly, this is probably the first and only Offspring I’ll get to talk about – trust me, they’ve made much better stuff. My personal favourite of their singles is “Hit That”, if you want to check that absolute romp of a dance-rock track. They’re also releasing a new album this year, so I’m excited for that.

#16 – “Hard to Explain” – The Strokes

The Strokes don’t really need an explanation, right? One of the biggest American rock bands in recent memory, hailing from New York and bringing back garage rock in a huge way that led them to two top 10 UK hits. This is their first ever single, from their debut album Is This It, annoyingly without a question mark. Maybe XXXTENTACION could have lent them one, he seems to have had an extra one left around. That’s beside the point, let’s get into the breakout single from The Strokes.

It starts with a simple drum beat – possibly not from Fabirizio Moretti but rather from a drum machine - before going into one of the most memorable and slick guitar riffs of all time, thanks to guitarists Albert Hammond and Nick Valensi, with a funky bassline provided by Nikolai Fraiture backing not only the guitars up but also the distorted vocals from Julian Casablancas, with a catchy-as-all-hell hook that leads into an abrupt fake-end, before it picks up again for another exciting few minutes of punkish indie rock, with Casablancas’ vocals getting more strained and emotional throughout. I’m actually finding it pretty hard to describe and review this song fairly without insane hyperbole, as Casablancas says, it is pretty hard to explain, as it is one of my favourite hit songs ever, with its perfectly balanced amount of rowdiness and genuine intrigue, and dare I say, a certain classiness to the composition. Fantastic song, fantastic album, and a damn great band.

#15 – “Baddest Ruffest” – Backyard Dog

This is the 2002 FIFA World Cup song, made by big beat producing duo Backyard Dog, consisting of Aniff Akinola and Lloyd Hanley. To my knowledge, they haven’t done anything else, although Akinola here has rapped on other songs, like the mild success “Bounce ‘n’ Boom” and Kirsty MacColl’s top 40 hit “Walking Down Madison”, so it’s debateable if these guys are one-hit wonders, but if one of the most notable things the lead singer has been in was a Vimto advert, it’s safe to say you’ve probably been forgotten in time since. So, how’s Backyard Dog’s seemingly only ever piece of released music (other than their only studio album and the remix EP for this very song) that is documented on the Internet?

Well, it starts with what are assumingly sampled horns in one simple loop before a subtle but effective bass comes in and Akinola starts shouting, adding some ragga influence, but mostly I’d say this is a pretty simple big beat song, with a solid horn hook and even Akinola’s vocals adding a lot of uniqueness to an otherwise not-very-noteworthy track. Hell, I’d like this a lot more if it weren’t for the annoying chicken-like record scratching that makes up most of the song. As it stands, there’s one element that just tears the whole thing apart, which is unfortunate as this is actually a pretty fun and exciting, different song, and I do wish these guys had more material to listen to, because I’m digging their style. It’s pretty intriguing, even if it is just some big beat loops with Caribbean-tinged vocals being yelled over the track by a charismatic performer, who I’ll try and dig up other projects from. I hope these guys reunite to make some more jams.

#12 – “More than That” – Backstreet Boys

Listen, you know who the Backstreet Boys are. I know who the Backstreet Boys are. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand them. They’re talented men, sure, but it feels a bit too cheesy and sickly sweet for me to really get into. Does that ring true with “More than That”, from their 2000 album Black & Blue?

Yes, of course it does. Why wouldn’t it? It has a pretty interesting albeit typical Latin or tropical guitar riff, but the vocals from the boys here aren’t too great, and everything that surrounds them just feels like purely perfect pop blandness. It’s too perfect – kind of like “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore and “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B, both of which I talked about on REVIEWING THE CHARTS. It’s a good song, definitely, but it feels too manufactured for me to enjoy on repeated listening, as in the end, it is a soulless boyband song. What did you expect, a long, in-depth review that focuses on the vocal range of the boys and how excellently they mesh with the smooth R&B production? No, you’re not getting that, because there are better pop songs and better R&B singers that you could be listening to, even if it’s just the early 2000s. In fact, we’ll be talking about another in just a short while.

#9 – “Another Lover” – Dane

No, this is not who I meant! I meant Usher! I didn’t want this complete nobody to come in! Well, what does Dane have to say?

Nothing. He has nothing to say because he is uninteresting and typical lyrically. That was a dumb question, I don’t think he even wrote this song... but in R&B, it’s more about how you say it, and, damn, does he pull off the smooth, Latin-influenced production well! The Latin riffs are still present in the guitars, and the drums are more prominent than they probably should be, but Dane brings a great presence to the track, even if it doesn’t seem like he can actually sing very well at all, using his falsetto a lot of the time to mixed results, but he is fun and has more charisma than Juice WRLD and Dexter Holland when moaning about issues with a partner. I love the whispering in the penultimate chorus as well, which continues in the outro as some kind of acapella percussion, which I appreciate for its experimentalism if anything. This slick 1990s-resembling production and the man’s charisma make this a great listen, even if it’s not on Spotify and only has 70,000 views on YouTube... Yikes. Now, THIS has been forgotten in time.

#6 – “19-2000” – Gorillaz featuring Miho Hatori and Talking Heads (Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz)

I love Gorillaz. I’ve been a fan for a long while now, and I have grown to love how they blend genres excellently in accessible and catchy yet still experimental and strange pop songs, while still believing that the flow of an album is definitely important... well, they used to do that. Right now, with Humanz and The Now Now, it seems that they care more about the singular songs, which is fair because of streaming being more important now, but like the Avalanches, the flow of the album is seminal in my enjoyment of a Gorillaz album, and that has not been consistent recently, with bloated, boring albums and messes of songs like “Sex Murder Party” and... “Man Research (Clapper)”... from their self-titled 2001 debut album. Okay, so, maybe they’ve never been too great at the whole “making tight compositions” thing. This song is kind of proving as that chaotic structure not working too well. Let me elaborate.

“19-2000” is about the new millennium, as its title suggests, and follows the trends of the bridge between 1999 and 2000 very carefully, with a sampled trip-hop/hip-hop drum beat and catchy boyband-like vocalisations. However, it feels very messy in all its minimalistic joy. You have Miho Hatori’s repetitive lyrics about getting “the cool sunshine”, some reversed and heavily-edited vocal samples, Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz doing whatever the hell they want in the background with some multi-tracked humming from frontman Damon Albarn, behind careless and slow verses from Albarn. You also have the “we gon’ break out” bridge thing, which is just kind of there? And then you have the various synth noises going on in one specific ear while there’s finger-snapping �� could we have saved this for the video, guys? I don’t know, this song is fun and I’m still relatively positive on it, but like “Tranz” and “DARE”, it seems like too much is going on throughout. Also, I don’t know what’s Albarn, what’s Hatori, what’s Weymouth and where the hell Frantz is, so that’s lovely. It just piles into some kind of ball of musical elements, but they don’t mesh. They just keep growing.

#3 – “U Remind Me” – Usher

Usher is one of my favourite artists of all time. His charisma and personality is unmatched in R&B, and he will go down as a legend with some of the best club bangers and powerful and slick R&B ballads in music history. This is US chart-topper “U Remind Me”, from his third album 8701. While I’ve always preferred the Confessions era (my personal favourite Usher track is “Confessions Part II”), I can dig his earlier stuff and this is no exception.

Those introductory strings are damn beautiful, and then the piano and the synths come in, to assist Usher in all his glory, with his smooth delivery and scratched backing gang vocals. Sure, the lyrics can be seen as pretty corny or selfish and close-minded, but Usher pulls them off with his immense amounts of swagger, with a guitar coming in to match his charisma in the second verse. Oh, yeah, the song’s about a girl he can’t date because they remind him too much of an ex... for a song about what seems to be a first-world problem, Usher’s melodramatics may seem unnecessary, but they’re really not. The catchy hook and his many ad-libs really help rather than hinder, as it becomes pretty beautiful considering its potentially silly subject matter by the end. Maybe it’s too long, maybe it’s too overdramatic, but I don’t care. Usher pulls it off like no-one else ever could.

#1 – “The Way to Your Love” – Hear’Say

Okay, can I get a “get out of review” free card? Come on, it’s the eleventh new arrival and it’s the most anti-climactic, blandest-as-possible pop song, orchestrated by a trash talent show, with talented yet uninteresting and charmless singers, as well as cliché production – although the drums here are pretty cool albeit unfitting, I will admit – including the cheapest strings I’ve heard this side of Soundcloud rap, which I feel I’ve made too many comparisons to in a blog about 2000s pop music. Ah, well. What’s this song got to say, do or try and get across? Nothing. Nothing at all. This is so cheesy that I feel the milk being heated already... yet it’s not even funny. It’s just boring. It’s just a slog. Just an uninteresting, undeserving #1. At least it’s not “Freaky Friday”.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to “Hard to Explain” by The Strokes, no competition, although “U Remind Me” is an Honourable Mention and deservedly so. Worst of the Week? Although I have the most bile for our #1 here, yeah, it’s going to “Innocente (Falling in Love)” by Delerium for just being insanely boring, with Dishonourable Mention going to “The Way to Your Love”, I suppose. Nothing here is outright bad, just very uninteresting. See you tomorrow for REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

[wiym]

MY BIRTH STORY

Trigger warning/s: Birth trauma and postnatal mood disorders

Less than a quarter of healthy, low risk, first time parents will have a normal birth in an Australian hospital. With the recent release of Birth Time: the documentary in Australia and New Zealand, I felt that revisiting my birth story was timely.

It’s a clichéd adage but it’s true: for me, the birth plan went well and truly out the window. In fact, it was never let into the building.

EST. READING TIME: 5 minutes

In my early twenties, I used to avoid making eye contact with the family planning section at the chemist. These days I have an emergency stash of tests in my bedside drawer. I’m not even late - my period tracker says it’s due today - but I have a nagging feeling that won’t go away.

I pee on the stick, and there’s only one line. Oh well. I shrug, insouciant, throw out the test and go about my day.

Until four in the afternoon, when I sit bolt upright on the couch and realise that I, generally a rule follower, hadn’t waited for that result. In fact, the box tells you to wait five minutes. So much for sitting on the couch with an egg timer.

 I dig through the bin and in my shaking hands is a positive pregnancy test (note: those trying to conceive affectionately refer to this as a BFP). I test again, and again. I can’t wait, I race in my car to Victoria Park where my boyfriend of two years is working, with three BFPs sitting in the cup holder.

And so begins the uncontrollable for the Type A control freak.

In a pandemic, there are already things I can’t control. I’m redeployed to a different unit at my work and can no longer take potential COVID patients.

I’m anxious, exhausted and most of all - experiencing morning sickness that will turn into hyperemesis. Then, I have to take extended time off work.

As I do with most things, I jump straight into the deep end of pregnancy world and obsessively research. I avoid the foods you’re meant to avoid, and I buy all of the pre-baby accoutrements. Birthing ball, new yoga mat (and maternity yoga pants to boot), and the books. Oh my god, the books.

I do the hypnobirthing classes and listen to birthing stories while hiking with my dogs.

Being pregnant is simultaneously my new persona and hobby. I honestly still wouldn’t change a thing now, in spite of what I know, because even through vomiting for 7, nearly 8, months; I love being pregnant with all my heart.

I neatly type up a birth plan, beautifully formatted and fonted. Natural, natural, natural. No episiotomy. No pain relief. Don’t even offer it to me - I’ll ask. No interventions unless necessary. Delayed cord clamping. Immediate skin to skin. Quiet, low lighting, music. To me, this was a covenant between myself and the computer. Absolute, resolute and set in stone.

By the third trimester my partner and I have the hospital bag meticulously packed, nursery ready, and the big waiting game to do. Eager for our little family to be complete.

At my 38 week appointment, our obstetrician informs us that baby isn’t showing any signs of coming any time soon. I take that as a challenge and research a litany of labour-inducing old wives’ tales.

PSA: none of these actually work. If you are healthy with no complications, your baby will come when ready. Don’t rush. Even when you feel as if you can’t possibly be pregnant for single millisecond more. Your baby isn’t term until 40 weeks.

But here’s the kicker; the impending threat of an induction and/or caesarean looms overhead. I’m told I am a small girl. He appears to be a big baby. His head isn’t engaged at all. And that the clock is ticking.

Now I wonder what might have happened had that idea never been put into my head. If I had been given the space to accept my birth as it would come. Real birth. Normalised.

The pitfalls don’t just lie with mainstream media. You are being sold something. The expensive classes will tell you that having a natural birth without medication is possible, if you buy our book. The private obstetrician will tell you that you need an induction, an epidural, a caesarean; pay us.

At 39 weeks, the Friday before Christmas, my baby is showing signs of coming. What follows is 9 days of latent, or prodromal, or pre, or (my least favourite term) false labour.

On the Monday we go into hospital. With contractions 3 minutes apart, we are told my cervix and uterus aren’t agreeing. Simply put: head isn’t engaging, cervix isn’t dilating. And that I’ll know it when I’m in real labour.

During the week that follows I try exercises from Spinning Babies to get some relief from the round the clock contractions, Jack gives me massages and on one night I even give a glass of red wine and a bubble bath a go.

Websites that want to sell me something tell me that it’s because I’m too stressed for the labour to progress. Try our tea. 

Why are we capitalising on something so sacred as birth?

 I walk with one foot on the curb and one foot on the path - and I do this for kilometres. Through King’s Park in 30-degree heat. Along the coast. Around the neighbourhood.

On Christmas Eve, I can’t sleep, speak or move through the contractions and we wait as long as possible. We camp on the fold out bed in the living room (those without air conditioning throughout improvise), the birthing playlist quietly crooning and candles burning. I do my breathing and mantras; relax, relax, relaaaaax. And the contractions stop as abruptly as they started, 20 hours later.

I cry. Low keening, animalistic sobbing. I don’t understand what is happening to me. I don’t feel confident in making the choice whether or not to go to the hospital anymore.

They tell you the hospital is the safest place to birth and in the same breath tell you to avoid the hospital unless you’re damn near crowning.

I’m new to this. It’s my first time. I feel scared, unsupported and alone. I’m in so much pain.

I just want to meet my baby.

 Barely two days later, I shake Jack awake. I’ve got a Miss Clavel feeling. Something is not right. Instinctively I know that after nine days of exhausting labour that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, I will be too tired to push.

I call the hospital and ask if I can come in.

Have you just had enough? A voice asks on the other end.

So I don’t take the Panadol or the shower or the bath. We roll into the birthing unit and I’m put on the monitor. Like the High Striker at a fairground, I get the sense that the rolling peaks on the screen need to reach acceptable heights before I’m taken seriously.

The midwife is watching for decelerations, which don’t happen, but also doesn’t see any accelerations. My baby is tired, and I don’t blame him.

And then I am asked the question.

What do you want to get out of being in hospital today? Do you want to have your baby?

I nod, because yes. So comes the new plan. Break my waters and start the syntocin drip tomorrow. Temazepam and Panadeine Forte tonight. So quickly everything I imagined for my birth is going out the window, but I’m desperate.

The next morning we waddle into the birthing suites to start my induction bright and early. I feel robbed of the moment my waters break as it is cracked with something that looks like a crochet hook on a glove. With a gush and then a steady trickle, all the amniotic fluid keeping my baby safe and sound floods out. My obstetrician tells me it’s meconium stained, the paediatric RN in me fleetingly panics. But it is all systems go. I race from active labour to transition. I can only focus on the contractions.

I want my mum.

I’m offered the epidural I’d refused the day prior again but I shake my head. Not in the birth plan. Gas and air only, please. I end up screaming into the Entonox mouthpiece every 2 minutes and throw up all over myself before I allow myself the grace of an epidural. Which only works for about fifteen minutes before I’m once again writhing and screaming, one leg ice numb but the rest of me on fire. Intense pressure between my legs, the urge to push. But it’s only been a couple hours.

My mum arrives in the hospital. On the birth plan, she was meant to be waiting outside. She stands near me now, in the birthing suite.

I’m making noises I am not proud of and inform my midwife of my need to push. Oh, it’s too soon? Pardon me. Before the midwife’s assessment I steel myself to be told I am nowhere near, after a week of disappointment and being nowhere near.

Oh. You’re having a baby.

I ask if we need to wait for the doctor when she tells me she’s calling my obstetrician.

No, she laughs. You don’t have to wait.

With my knees to my chest, I’m told to stop pushing and so I stop. Afterwards, my partner tells me that our son was getting distressed despite my best efforts to get him out and the obstetrician was pulling back on the cord that was tight around his neck. And my poor tired baby’s heart rate drops dangerously. I’m given a deadline to push him out, but I can’t and I’m given the episiotomy I had expressly verboten on my birth plan. He is vacuum assisted out. He is safe.

I’m handed a small, beanlike baby covered in blood and vernix. I kiss him and end up with blood on my face. He doesn’t cry.

He’s taken off my chest and it feels like the longest pause before he lets out the best scream I’ve ever heard.

My mum looks at me. He’s beautiful, she mouths. Is he okay? He’s okay.

My partner cuts the cord. No delayed cord clamping, breathing is more important. Oliver is soon enough placed back onto my chest.

And he is beautiful.

What starts days later as the baby blues progresses into postnatal depression and anxiety. It took me a long time to accept what happened was birth trauma. That my birth story is ridiculously common, even amongst my group of friends, and that’s not due to our failure as the birthing parent. I can’t tell you how long I felt I only had myself to blame for having false expectations. And how much value I put into my ability to birth the “right” way as a direct translation of my ability to mother. How I felt that my son’s birth complications were my fault (it wasn’t). Too many Australian birthing parents are made to feel this way.

So I write this birth story once more, and I let go of what happened for my own sake. I didn’t fail. My son is beautiful, and worth every second of the agony it took to get him here.

A previous version of this post was published on my friend’s blog Mummy Neutral as ‘Type A and the Uncontrollable Pre-Labour’ in January 2021.

Please check her blog out as she posts some really raw and beautiful insights into pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

If you’re feeling distressed about anything discussed or about your own birth experience, please click the life ring symbol at the top of my blog for some helpful links. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 if you need immediate assistance.

Birth Time: the documentary is showing in select cinemas now. You can visit the website to find out more and if you have birthed in Australia in the last 5 years, you can complete a survey about your experience.

[profoundcreatorgentlemen]

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Here are my top 5 essential VST audio plugins for 2019. Download my Top 30 Essential EDM mixing tips here FREE. UPDATE: Top 10 V. Ableton / Cubase / Reaper / FL Studio / Reason / Sonar / Logic Pro Tools & Such DAW. A RTAS to VST Converter Is Required For Non-VST DAWs Product Details 20 808'S 19 Ambient Sounds 16 Bass 23 Bells 5 Choirs 20 Keys 13 Misc 11 Organs 19 Pads 13 Plucks 11 Reversed 20 Strings 20 Synth Leads 10 Textures 10 Woodwinds. My remark about VST buggy instrument rack was wrong because i didn't activate VST scanning in Ableton. I use AU plugins since ever. So my add of VST Komplete instrument rack was empty without the VST instance of Komplete, logical due to non VST activation in Ableton. Then i was trying to add the AU plugin to VST instrument rack. Ableton/ Cubase / Reaper / FL Studio / Reason / Sonar / Logic; Will Also Work With Pro Tools & Such DAW. A RTAS to VST Converter Is Required For Non VST DAWs; Zipped File Size: -7 GB Unzipped File Size: +17 GB. Sounds like thats also a no-no for non vst straight hardware synths then. In Sonar you can record any sort of midi automation.cc, rpn, nrpn. So the Nova works just fine thanks! I wont even bother looking at live. Sonar seems streets ahead.

Discussion in 'MASCHINE Area' started by bodhilight, Feb 15, 2012.

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Agreed. My workaround is to copy the vote page URL to the clipboard before logging in, then paste it back afterwards.

Garry Knight Studio One 3 Professional Melodyne Editor 4, NI Komplete 11 Focusrite Scarlett 2i4 audio interface Windows 10 Professional 64-bit, 16 GB RAM, Core i5 Microsoft Surface Pro 3, Core i7, 8GB RAM, 128 GB SSD Nektar Impact LX49+, Samson Graphite 25, and Korg microKey 25 MIDI controllers Novation ZeRO SL MkII mixing control surface Korg nanoKontrol 2 mixing control surface Reaper, Logic Pro X, GarageBand https://soundcloud.com/garryknight

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garybowling wroteI don't understand why when I click to vote on one of these, then click the thumbs up, it says I need to log in to vote. But according to the page, in the upper right, I am logged in. Then if I click the log in and re-enter my details, I lose the vote page.. Arrgh, it's the little things that get frustrating! gabo

Same thing happens to me.

Shane Intel i7 6700k | Gigabyte GA-Z170-HD3P | Kingston 16GB 2133 | 2 x Samsung 250GB EVO SSD's | Vantec UGT-FW210 FW Card | Win 10 Pro | S1 Pro 3.5.4 x64 | Firestudio Mobile | Yamaha HS-80's | ART Pro VLA II Vactrol Tube Compressor | ART Pro MPA II Reference Series Tube Mic Pre | Blue Bluebird Mic

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wonder6oy wrote...and by 'Bad Edits', I mean tracks that have been rendered and sent to you without proper crossfading, resulting in loud 'pop's and 'click's. In Pro Tools, it's just a matter of pulling up the pencil tool and drawing them out - literally a 5-second process. And when that fails, I use Izotope RX to do the job. But neither of those are an option in S1, and I need a solution going forward because I have to deal with these ALL the time. Any help appreciated!

I cut and fade the edge of the clip. I do this a lot for taking the fret click out of bass at the beginning of notes. Hit 3 on the keyboard to bring up the 'Cut' tool, then leave my hand there and hit 1 to bring up the normal tool and grab the edge of the clip. I've used the draw tool in other DAWs and this way is much fast to me.

Shane Intel i7 6700k | Gigabyte GA-Z170-HD3P | Kingston 16GB 2133 | 2 x Samsung 250GB EVO SSD's | Vantec UGT-FW210 FW Card | Win 10 Pro | S1 Pro 3.5.4 x64 | Firestudio Mobile | Yamaha HS-80's | ART Pro VLA II Vactrol Tube Compressor | ART Pro MPA II Reference Series Tube Mic Pre | Blue Bluebird Mic

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I wouldn't want them wasting time developing audio editing and embedding it, but partnering with someone to have a light version that does the basics through ARA and give you the option to upgrade if you need more advanced tools would be really nice. I mean, that was the whole purpose of ARA from the git go, wasn't it?

Shane Intel i7 6700k | Gigabyte GA-Z170-HD3P | Kingston 16GB 2133 | 2 x Samsung 250GB EVO SSD's | Vantec UGT-FW210 FW Card | Win 10 Pro | S1 Pro 3.5.4 x64 | Firestudio Mobile | Yamaha HS-80's | ART Pro VLA II Vactrol Tube Compressor | ART Pro MPA II Reference Series Tube Mic Pre | Blue Bluebird Mic

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Bub wroteI wouldn't want them wasting time developing audio editing and embedding it

Exactly. If the devs do not want to do this right (or at all) - they should at least allow clean passage of audio to a designated editor and leave it at that. I too use RX but the fact that RX Connect simply does not work in S1 makes it is disappointing waste of time when apps like Nuendo/Cubase can use this like a dream. Time for Presonus to get off it's 'closed' sandbox approach and offer the ability to pass audio back and forth between some standard editors out there. (please consider RX and/or Wavelab as starters ) VP

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Skaperverket wroteI've created a macro called 'Bounce to Finder' with Bounce Selection [Snap ('0')] Select in Pool Show in Explorer/Finder but for some reason S1 won't focus on the Browser window and the Pool when 'Select in Pool' is applied and the Pool is opened, so I have to do the Show in Finder command separately.

I ran in to that same issue when creating a drag location macro for non VST-XML sample players. What I did was adding the following before executing Show in Explorer/Finder: View | Browser [State '1'] Navigation | Up Navigation | Down

Export to Explorer.studioonemacro

(586 Bytes) Downloaded 80 times

OS: Windows 10 Pro | HW: P9X79 • i7 3930K • 16GB • 3x EVO 860 • NVIDIA GT1030 (@WQHD) • RME AIO

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This thread is a little old and may have been lost but it also goes into this and shows how I do editing anyway: viewtopic.php?f=151&t=18309 I use an editing program on a mother machine networked to my main machine running Studio One. This works rather well in fact. You can open files that are even active in a Studio One session. Edit them and resave them with a slight title change and they can be easily dragged into the session. I find editors like Cool Edit Pro (Audition) are very fast and slick at editing audio. Might be good to have a range of built in basic edit operations though.

Please add your specs to your SIGNATURE. Search the STUDIO ONE 4 ONLINE MANUAL. Access your MY.PRESONUS account. OVERVIEW of how to get your issue fixed or the steps to create a SUPPORT TICKET. Needs to include: 1) One Sentence Description 2) Expected Results 3) Actual Results 4) Steps to Reproduce. Specs i5-2500K 3.5 Ghz-8 Gb RAM-Win 7 64 bit - ATI Radeon HD6900 Series - RME HDSP9632 - Midex 8 Midi interface - Faderport 2/8 - Atom Pad- iMac 2.5Ghz Core i5 - High Sierra 10.13.6 - Focusrite Clarett 2 Pre & Scarlett 18i20. Studio One V5.1 (Mac), Notion 6.7, Ableton Live 10 Suite, LaunchPad Pro

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niles wrote

Skaperverket wroteI've created a macro called 'Bounce to Finder' with Bounce Selection [Snap ('0')] Select in Pool Show in Explorer/Finder but for some reason S1 won't focus on the Browser window and the Pool when 'Select in Pool' is applied and the Pool is opened, so I have to do the Show in Finder command separately.

I ran in to that same issue when creating a drag location macro for non VST-XML sample players. What I did was adding the following before executing Show in Explorer/Finder: View | Browser [State '1'] Navigation | Up Navigation | Down

Thanks, niles. Loving it. And daw.one is back! I have a long train ride tomorrow, so it'll be a perfect opportunity to read up on your great site. Looking forward to it. Keep up the great work, mate.

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garybowling wroteI don't understand why when I click to vote on one of these, then click the thumbs up, it says I need to log in to vote. But according to the page, in the upper right, I am logged in. Then if I click the log in and re-enter my details, I lose the vote page.. Arrgh, it's the little things that get frustrating! gabo

Click 'Log In' right on the red banner telling you that you have to be logged in. You do then get sent to another page, but you can just use the back button on your browser to return to the subject.

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Hi all, went ahead and got RX6 during a recent upgrade promo but have run foul of the convoluted working method mentioned above! I know that Studio One is not supported by RX6 (anyone know why?) but had assumed that the workflow shown in the videos relating to RX4 and previous version/s of S1 (links posted by Skapervet) would suffice, however, even those clunky workflows are not working with my setup utilising Windows 10 pro/S1v3.5..../RX6. I can get the Connect & Monitor plugs to work, after a fashion, but even the Izotope suggested work-around for non-supported DAWs does not work and the combination of RX6 standalone with S1 is tenuous at best. Having said that, RX6 does offer a good set of restoration repair tools just don't expect the software to play nicely with S1..... Yet!!!! Perhaps this is why there is a conspicuos lack of tutorials (or any updatee videos from S1 Expert) relating to this. If you know different, please inform. Regards....

Windows 10 Pro/i7 6800k @3.4Ghz/16Gb ram. Studio One Pro, Melodyne Editor 4, Vocalign Project, Superior Drummer 3, Izotope N2-O8 and various other plugins. Focusrite Saffire Pro 40, Faderport, Focal Alpha 50's, Korg Pa3x, Korg Pad Kontrol, numerous guitars, basses & other antiquated outboard gear. Maybe one day I'll actually finish a project!

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