#what do i even tag this as besides that i hate myself n have no idea why i did this ??

[tojisbbygworl]

The Apartment Across The Street pt. 1 - Sukuna x Reader

In the short time he watches her, he learns 3 new things: 1. She has a mirror on the left side of the window. 2. She is completely unaware of how easily someone could see her in all her half-naked glory. 3. Sukuna could overpower her if it came down to it.

Or maybe it’s 4 things. From the beating of his heart and the warm rushing feeling heading towards his dick, he learns the drug he thought he needed might not be a drug at all.

Words: 6.7k

Tags - 18+ MDNI, No Use of Y/N, No Curses, Set in late 90s/early 00s, Smut, Angst, High Sex, Missionary, Degredation, Marijuana, Slight x Toji (I can't help myself)

WARNINGS - Dead Dove, Dark, Non-Con/Dub-con, Breaking and Entering, Sukuna and Toji are criminals, Sukuna's a hitman, Choking, Violence

AO3 Version

Masterlist

author's note: Heyyyy! Okay I went a little too hard like I always do so this is a bit long and (imo) it get's a little intense so be warned. I hope you enjoy hopefully I have some motivation to keep writing. art cred: @innaillus

Pt. 2 Pt. 3

That apartment used to be empty.

Sukuna hadn’t been home in a week. He doesn’t mind. He’s learned to not have too many hopes or expectations in this line of work. Besides, he prefers being his own boss. He accepts contracts when he needs money then he’s off until it runs out. Doesn’t matter if they take days or even weeks.

Shorter jobs like this one weren’t his treat. They don’t pay as much as he likes, but it works out. These apartments were a bit shitty, they didn’t cost too much. And, he was right in the middle of the city. Easy to meet clients. The clubs went on all night long. Which is exactly how late he was out when he was home. Actually, he was planning to go out tonight. Meet up with Toji and see if he can’t get a woman in his bed by 2 am.

He wondered how long it would take to see his newest neighbor. The way the apartments in the complex are built, you could easily see into your neighbor’s bedroom. 'State guidelines say blinds aren’t required. You buy them,' was the response he received when he brought the problem up to the landlord. A lot of people invested in curtains, maybe they hadn’t bought any yet. He saw a bed, but it seems to be the only thing they’ve managed to set up. There were a couple boxes with flaps wide open sitting beside it.

After a few more moments of rumination, he closed his curtain and laid down on his bed waiting for a text to come over. In truth, he couldn't wait to see who was unlucky enough to be his new window neighbor. The last one didn’t go too well. They also didn’t invest in curtains and he isn’t entirely sure if he’s the reason they moved out, but he’s sure they didn’t appreciate catching his stare multiple times a day. And that one time at midnight.

-

All it took was the next morning.

Sukuna’s eyes crept open and he stared towards the ceiling. The girl he brought home last night was dead asleep and naked on his chest. He yawned and wiped his face tiredly. He nudged the girl off of him a bit, then sat up on the side of his bed. Ugh, he felt like shit. Toji always went entirely too hard when they went out, but Sukuna doesn’t mind. He has nowhere to be. Nothing to do. 

He got up and stretched then walked to the bathroom. As he completed his morning routine, he pondered about what today would behold for him. This is another reason he hated short jobs. Sukuna loves free time, but only if there’s something to do with it. There never really is.

He could kill that girl in his bedroom. In fact, he could have killed any girl he brought home since he moved in half a year ago. But the last time he made his job his hobby, it didn’t go so well for him. It was too close of a call, and getting arrested for murder just isn’t worth it. He could spend a couple months in the pen, not years at a time.

He spat out his toothpaste. Life was so fucking mundane. He had no life goals, barely any friends, his little brother hates him, and he works alone. All things he doesn’t actually care about, but shit, when is he going to get some excitement? Nothing gets him going anymore.

He needs something that will make him feel. A drug of some sort? But that doesn’t seem right to him. Even now as he walks back in the room staring at the woman in his bed, he feels nothing. If she woke back up and decided she wanted to have sex with him, he would say yes, but only because it’s something to do. He’s not feeling any particular way about her.

The moment he sat back down on the bed, she started shifting around. A few seconds later, she lifts her head and yawns. “Good morning.” She giggles, she leans over and kisses his cheek. Sukuna grunts.

The girl looks around the dark room. “It is morning, right?” She doesn’t let him answer before she stands up and opens the curtains. “Oh wow,” she exclaims. “I can see directly into your neighbor’s room.” She says. He still doesn’t get up, just hums at her.

“She’s cute though.”

Sukuna perks up upon hearing that. “Oh yeah? I haven’t seen her yet. She’s new.”

This was the first time since they’ve met that she said something interesting, but unfortunately for him, she drops the subject immediately and walks back into bed, leaving the curtains open. Sukuna holds back his sigh. Does he really want to spend the rest of his morning with this girl? It was half past 8. Way too early.

“I'm going to start getting ready for work,” he says without skipping a beat. She stops in her tracks and blinks at him, clearly not expecting that. It’s silent for a few moments. Sukuna’s not sure what she’s waiting on, but if it’s for him to say he’s kidding or let her stay, she’s sorely mistaken.

“Oh, I thought you were contracted,” she says nervously.

‘I only work when I feel like it, gorgeous.’ Sukuna inwardly curses himself for his suave nature. “Yeah. I got a contract. In an hour.”

His curtness and annoyed expression did good to make her feel completely and totally unwanted. The girl awkwardly smiled at him. “Oh, ha ha. Yeah…okay.” Sukuna got up and walked out of the room. Give her a little space to feel like shit while she gets ready to leave. He makes himself a cup of coffee, his face still that same blank expression even after he hears her rushing out the door from behind him. When she’s gone he takes himself back into his room.

He walks up to his window to close the curtains once more until someone catches his eye. He freezes and his eyebrows shoot upwards. That girl was right. She was cute. And he had the perfect view of her. She seemed to be posing or checking herself out. Sukuna wasn’t sure which one it was, but he hoped she didn’t stop. That bikini she had on was doing wonders for her, and him.

Something was off. Looking at her made him…tense. His hands were gripping the curtains, he was biting the inside of his cheek, his leg was shaking; Was it anxiety? No, she’s not making him nervous. What he’s feeling is euphoric. He likes it. He wants to grip her bare waist and squeeze her until she bruises.

In the short time he watches her, he learns 3 new things: 1. She has a mirror on the left side of her window. 2. She is completely unaware of how easily someone could see her in all her half-naked glory. 3. Sukuna could overpower her if it came down to it. Or maybe it’s 4 things. From the beating of his heart and the warm rushing feeling heading towards his dick, he learns the drug he thought he needed might not be a drug at all.

-

It doesn’t take long after that to finally meet her.

Before taking his most recent job, Sukuna had nearly consumed everything in his fridge. What was left was now finished and he spent a lot of his morning sulking at a half empty milk carton, his breakfast for the day. He hated eating out, it messed with his figure.

The local grocery wasn't too bad of a walk from his place, although he hated carrying everything back. He always bought a few necessities and a few ingredients to quickly whip something up for his dinner. Today, he���d have to bulk up if he doesn’t want to keep coming back.

As much as he hated the public, shopping never seemed to be a problem for him. He was tall and intimidating, he never smiled, he was always tense; people tended to avoid him like the plague. He appreciated it. But, as he enters the frozen meal aisle with his cart half full he wishes that just for a moment, he looked approachable. Then, this would be much easier.

There she was, in sweatpants and a cropped tube top, looking at the frozen pizzas. She looked like she had been home all day. She was much cuter now that he could see her better. A lot cuter. She’s pretty as hell.

Thank goodness, too. He already knew what her body looked like, what with her constantly taking pictures of herself in front of the window. She liked to play dress up, she would try on entirely different outfits before she was satisfied. Pretty soon, the colors of her bras and panties would be ingrained into his memory.

He stood there looking her up and down for a few more seconds before he started browsing once more. Although he really was looking for food he wanted, he used this opportunity to slowly get closer to her. He pretended to be interested in some frozen broccoli and he snuck a look at her. To his surprise, and enjoyment, she had done the same. When they made eye contact, she jerked and looked away. A couple moments after that, she grabbed her food and walked away into another aisle.

Sukuna chuckled to himself. She wouldn’t get away that easily. He dropped the broccoli in his cart and followed after her. He hadn’t seen which aisle she’d gone into, so he kept walking down and looking into each one until he found her trying to get some chips from a high shelf. He smiled upon seeing her struggle. Maybe this would be easier than he thought.

He managed to walk right up behind her and reach for the chips she was trying to get before she got startled. She gasped a bit and looked up at him. He looked down at her. Fuck, she was pretty. His heart started to pound, he could practically salivate at the idea of taking her home.

He hands her the chips before she can say anything, then walks away. Before he’s out of her sight he hears her say, “Thank you so much.”

Her cadence, the velvety softness of her voice; it made him want to drop to his knees. How sweet would she sound if he bit into her neck? How soft is her yelp when she stubs her toe? How shrill is her scream when she’s in pain?

Her appreciation made him stop in his tracks. He turned over his shoulder to look at her. She seemed nervous and her eyes were uncertain. Sukuna began to feel restless. So many ideas of what he could do to her if he got her alone were rushing through his mind and she was none the wiser. This aisle has been empty and no one has come by. He could take her right now.

Instead, he looks her up and down. “Yeah, sure.” And then he walks away with his shopping. He leaves wondering when next they’ll meet, she does the same as she watches his back.

-

“Still haven’t called the maintenance guy, huh? Lazy jackass.”

Sukuna turns his head to the side and glares at his unwanted guest. Toji may have been his best friend, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t want to break his fat neck and bury him in the park. Besides, that title meant jack shit. They met in jail and Toji helped him get on his feet when Sukuna’s sentence was up. Toji never really left him alone and Sukuna stayed because his family was rich. If anything, they were close acquaintances who had sex sometimes.

Speaking of Toji’s money, the asshole grew up in an affluent family which means his standards were a bit too high for the humble abode that Sukuna prefers. It was probably the most annoying part about him. He was complaining about the door to the bathroom. It didn’t close correctly so you had to force it shut. Something that just isn’t enough of a problem to be bothered to try and fix.

“Stop coming over if it annoys you so much,” Sukuna responds, taking another drag from their second blunt for the morning. He was finally starting to feel something from it and he didn’t want to hear Toji whining about bullshit.

“Nah, I think I’ll keep coming. Especially with your fine ass neighbor.” Toji walked away again, not seeing Sukuna’s head jerk towards him. What was he talking about? Sukuna didn’t tell him about her. Did he see her?

“Why the fuck are you in my room?” He gets up to follow behind him. Sukuna looks down the hallway and sees both his room and the bathroom doors wide open. The bathroom was empty. “Get out.”

He starts walking towards his room door but jumps back when Toji rushes out of it. “Come look at this,” he says, grabbing his arm.

Toji had this crazed grin on his face and he was tugging him along impatiently. “What the hell are you-” Sukuna’s words die in his throat as he gazes upon what had Toji so excited. It was his beautiful neighbor changing in front of her mirror again except, there was a big problem. She had never been completely naked before.

Holy shit, her body could stop a truck. Sukuna let his jaw drop. His eyes raked her from her breasts to her legs. She would turn around occasionally, walk back and forth in front of the window, oh he loved the way her tits bounced. He wanted her on top of him, his dick sliding in and out of her while he latched onto her nipple.

“She’s sexy as fuck, huh?” Sukuna’s unceremoniously snapped out of his trance by Toji’s comment. He turns his head towards him looking at his smile and twinkling eyes. “She do this all the time? Does she even know?” Toji gasps and looks him in the eye. “Does she do it on purpose?”

I’m that moment, a switch had flipped inside of Sukuna. Toji was watching her before he brought him in here. He saw her naked first. He shouldn’t have seen her at all. The warm swarm of butterflies in his abdomen had fluttered away, a feeling of rage building in his heart instead. She was Sukuna’s to look at, not Toji’s.

To answer his question, Sukuna shrugs. Then, they both turn towards her again only to make eye contact with her. They see her gasp, cover herself and shriek before running from the window. “Fuck,” they say in unison before shutting the curtain.

“I blame you for that,” Toji says despite both of them being at fault. He puts his hands in his pockets and walks out of the room. “Where’s the blunt?”

Toji may have forgotten about that little encounter, but Sukuna doesn’t think he can forget anytime soon. He hates that Toji got to see her like that. They still haven’t spoken more than once to each other, and now she knows he’s a pervert that stares at her through their windows. Sukuna scowls at the ground then slams his hand into the wall. She’ll leave soon just like the last one did, but this time, he doesn’t want to accept that as a possibility.

He gives himself time to calm down before joining Toji again. He can’t bring work home again.

-

It was over.

He saw her once after that incident. Waiting for Toji to pick him up for the night, he stood outside the local gas station smoking a cigarette. She’d been on his mind since. She invested in curtains, unfortunately. She was really uncomfortable. He’s not even sure if she’s left the apartment.

Thinking about what happened made him furious. If Toji hadn’t gone into his room he would have never seen her. Oh he just can’t shut the hell up about the shape of her ass and how he would let her suffocate him with her gorgeous thighs. Sukuna sighed, her thighs were gorgeous weren’t they?

She was a missed opportunity. There are so many ways he could have started something with her. It’s not like she didn’t like him, had they met again before that, he’s sure he could have gotten her number. Usually, missing out on a woman wasn’t that bothersome, but she was different for him. He looked forward to beating his dick under the windowsill while she tried on clothes. His imagination wasn’t bad, but by the time he came in his hands, his dick was red and sore and his arm was tired.

His memory is not enough. He wants her.

He looks at the time on his watch. A quarter ‘til midnight. He rolls his eyes. Toji’s always late. A quick snack is in order.

Sukuna mindlessly stares at the powdered donuts wondering if he really feels like fucking up his clothes and having dirty fingers. He hates club bathrooms, the one here is just as bad, and he doesn’t want to lick his fingers. Maybe he won’t. But right before he decides to leave, the door opens. He turns his head upon hearing the small ring of a bell, but doesn’t pay attention to the culprit until they’re in the same aisle. “Oh shit,” he said before he could stop himself.

He tries to look away before she notices, but it’s too late. He looks back at her and grimaces. The girl is shaken to her core. Poor thing is afraid. And while Sukuna feels a bit bad about making such a cutie so frightened, it kind of…warms his heart. She takes in a deep breath and twists back around. She doesn’t even buy anything. She just leaves.

He almost chases her. He stands in the aisle still reveling in her presence. He breathes deeply thinking about how nice it felt to have such power over someone. Hm.

Sukuna leaves the store only a few moments after her. Toji’s BMW was running next to a pump as he got out of the car. “Oh shit, there you are.” He grins. “Guess who I just saw.”

“I know. She was running from me.” Sukuna says, getting into the passenger seat.

Toji cackles while driving away. “Damn, so she’s scared of us, huh?” Sukuna shrugs. “She looked like it. Girl was huffing it. Actually…she ran down the street towards where we’re going.”

Sukuna raises a brow at him. Toji doesn’t say anything and just keeps smiling. “So?”

He turns on his beamers and slows down as he drives between the apartment buildings. Sukuna’s eyes widen as he realizes just what Toji’s trying to do. And soon his lips follow. Just up ahead was a figure with a hoodie walking very quickly. They turn around and immediately shield their eyes from the bright lights. It was her.

She seemed confused at first, and the bright light contrasted with the darkness of the night blinded her from seeing who was in the car. However, she didn’t stop walking or slow down. She decided to mind her business instead. It could be anyone. Anyone. Even though it was the same car waiting at the gas station.

Despite her telling herself that she’s okay, she couldn’t help but notice how they were matching her speed. And that once they had gotten right behind her, the window was rolled down. And that she still had a block left to go.

“Ay,” Sukuna shouted from behind her, effectively terrifying her. She turned to see his smile and upon further investigation, she saw Toji’s from the driver’s seat. Oh no. “You can’t say hi? You scared of me?” He taunts.

She ran.

-

And that was the worst thing she could have done.

There have been a few recent instances that made her question her move to this city. She was hoping to start a new life, away from her family, away from her ex, make some new friends; she didn’t think she would be planning to move out after a couple months.

That man…she didn’t know what the hell his problem was. Why did he and his friend follow her out of the gas station? Was he crazy? Did she do something to him? Since they followed her, she’s been racking her mind trying to figure out what the hell she did to deserve this. Before that, she had only ever spoken to him once at the grocery store. He was extremely intimidating, but she was intrigued by him. She didn’t mean to stare, but he was very attractive. Clearly he had seen it as some sort of invitation. Maybe he followed her into that aisle and it wasn’t just an act of kindness.

Coming home after work had become so much more nerve wracking. In fact, coming out of her unit brings her horrible anxiety. She’s constantly looking over her shoulder. Tries to pretend the building across doesn’t even exist. She doesn’t understand what took her so long to get curtains; it just wasn’t a priority for her. Either way, she didn’t deserve to be punished for her forgetfulness.

She’s in a weird position where the longer she goes without seeing him, the more worried she becomes even though she never wants to see him or his friend again. Currently, she was in the elevator heading up to her apartment. She was catching her breath and trying to relax now that she was safe. She does this everyday now.

She couldn’t wait to be home. The entire day she’s been feeling like complete crap. Her heart refused to leave her stomach. She dropped so many cups behind the bar that she spent more time sweeping and wiping up drinks than making them. And she was on the verge of tears the entire time. It was nice to be home, but she wondered how bad it would be tomorrow.

In fact, it was so bad today that although she was physically relaxed, her brain just wouldn’t be quiet. It kept telling her to stay alert, that there was still something waiting for her. She tried her best to ignore it and enjoy her night. She was going to kick off her shoes, rip off all her clothes, warm up her leftovers and hit her bong. She was off tomorrow and she is not planning on leaving her room at all.

She messed with her keys when she approached her door. All the apartments had two locks, a deadlock and a lock on the handle, but she was looking for another that she could attach herself. The home goods store near her didn’t have any promising ones, so she had to wait on a shipment.

She reached for the handle to unlock it. Her hand twisted the lever and she retracted it immediately. Her heart starts racing once more, but then she realizes the door was still closed. When she can’t get the door open, she sighs in relief. The deadlock was still intact and locked. The apartments are just shitty.

As relieved as she was in that moment, this just meant she had another problem to deal with. She couldn’t go with one of her locks not working, especially not the handle. In fact, maybe she’ll deal with it tonight. She does have tools and she can be pretty handy when she needs to be.

Like she wanted to, she kicks off her shoes and rips off her jacket. She almost takes off her clothes before she notices a certain smell in the air. Her apartment smelled of weed, but it smelled like someone was actively smoking right at that moment. Maybe it was her next door neighbor.

She walks through her silent home. Maybe she should get a cat. There are quite a few friendly strays around. She could afford-

What was that noise?

A bump. In her bedroom.

What could it have been? Had her worst fears come true?

No. It’s not possible…so why had that sinking feeling returned in full force? There was nothing in her room. There was no one in her room…

-

Toji had broken the lock for him. 'Just record it for me,' was his end of the bargain.

The place was just as cute as he thought it was. She still had a lot of things unpacked, and she hadn’t gotten a couch for the living room. Hm. He wonders if she really is planning on leaving. That would not be good.

He would want her to stay, but if she can get away from him, at least he’ll get a taste of her.

She leaves her weed out. Hm…he would enjoy this better if he were high. And he’ll make her smoke too. 

When he heard her coming closer to her room, he put the bong down and stood up. Her room was small and it was pitch black, the only light coming from the embers in the bowl. He hit her closet door and she heard it. Fuck. He hopes she doesn’t get a weapon out.

And she didn’t. This girl is…something else.

He hides right behind the door in between the wall and the hinges. Then, he waited quietly and patiently until she slowly opened the door and turned on the light. And before she could try to look around, he slammed the door shut behind her.

-

It all happened in a second.

She heard the door slam and time froze. She told herself then and there, that she was going to die tonight. She knew who her killer would be before she turned around. Did she even want to?

She didn’t have a choice, her body reacted before she could think. All she saw was a small scowl, he had brown eyes, but they looked tainted with blood. His hands, his large hands, shot towards her head and before she could scream he trapped her mouth shut. His other hand gripped the back of her head.

She fought him as violently as she could. She scratched his face, pulled his hair, tried to poke him in the eyes; but he was quick to show her that he was much stronger than her. He pulls his hand off of her mouth and smacks her across the face. She can only scream for a second before his hand is back on her mouth and he pushes her into the bed.

Sukuna takes his hand off of the back of her head and squeezes her neck. He still holds her mouth shut. She gets weaker and weaker as the oxygen leaves her brain. He leans down towards her face to speak to her. “You want to live?”

Tears had long been streaming down her face, but this is the point where she finally breaks down wailing. She lets her arms fall and Sukuna loosens his grip on her neck. But only slightly. She takes a deep breath and cries into his hand. “Answer me,” he says. “Come on, pretty girl.”

She cries a bit more before nodding her head in defeat. “I know. You’re gonna do what I say?”

She nods again. “You’re not gonna scream when I take my hand off?” She sniffles and sobs again. “Because you want to fucking live, right? Right?” He tightens his grip on her neck again. She kicks her feet and nods as best as she can. “Go turn off your light and turn on your lamp. You’re gonna smoke with me.”

He gets off her and watches her to make sure she does what he asks. It takes her a minute, she lays there quietly sobbing and wiping her tears while Sukuna takes another hit of her bong, but eventually she gets up to turn on her lamp, then flip her light switch. “Lock the door too. I like the feeling of extra privacy when I’m taking a woman to bed.”

-

He disgusts her.

He forces her to take several long hits that had her in horrible coughing fits. And of course, it wasn’t long before she was completely inebriated. She couldn’t really move too much, or think too much. But even though she was out of commission, she could hear every word Sukuna said to her.

He talked her ear off about how he’d been looking at her for a week before they met at the grocery store. All the way up until she realized just how exposed she was from catching him and his friend staring. It was her fault, is what he said. He said she was stupid to not think anyone could see her. She should have gotten blinds or curtains when she moved in. A fucking dumbass bitch.

That’s how she felt.

He taunted her as he watched her take her clothes off. His dick was already in his hand, he had been hard for a while. Imagining his dick finally pounding into her as he squeezes the life out of her.

‘I think you wanted someone to watch you,’ he said to her. She hung onto every word he said, answered every question he had. ‘You’re an attention seeking slut, aren’t you? Nod your head.’ And she did. ‘What’s your name?’ And she told him. ‘Take that shit off faster and come hit this again.’

She was completely out of it, but instead of floating, she sank. She sunk deeper into the bedsheets, Sukuna weighing her down with every word. Every stroke of his hand on her thigh, every lick on her neck and collarbone, every bite on her chest. When he reached down between her legs and stroked her clit, she moaned, then cried in shame.

“Shhhh,” he whispered in her ear from behind her. “You’re gonna love me. And if you’re good I won’t hurt you.” He kisses her ear, then nibbles on it. He leaves a trail of wet kisses down the side of her neck. She cries and shakes, twisting her head away from him as best as she could. Sukuna’s hands explore her body eagerly. He can’t decide whether he wants to grip her hips or play with her nipples. She was so soft, just as he imagined.

He flips her onto her back. “Look at me, baby.” She opens her eyes only slightly, her tears blurring her vision completely before falling. He takes his hand to cup her cheek and wipe them with his thumb. As she gazed upon his naked body on top of hers, she accepts her fate: this man was going to rape then kill her.

He looked deranged. His brows were knit together with a lopsided grin. Her body is racked with sobs once more. “It’s okay,” he tells her. “Shhhh.” He slowly brings his thumb wet with salty tears to her mouth. She tries to pull her head away, but he quickly attaches his hands back to her mouth and head then he leans down towards her. “I thought you said you wanted to live.”

She’s actually not sure at this point. Does she want to live with this trauma? Does she want to continue being this man’s neighbor for him to torture however he sees fit? Does she want to have to look at his building every single day living in fear that he’ll do it again? Living in fear of his friend getting any bright ideas?

“Just relax.” He lets go of her head and goes for her neck. She moans as he bites and sucks on it, making sure to leave a mark reminding her of what he did. It won’t be the only one.

Sukuna slowly takes his hands and lifts both of her legs in the air. He licks his fingers while looking at her, then bites his lip as he plays with her clit once more. She breathes harder and harder with every rub. They don’t break eye contact, it does something to him. He’s reveling in her fear. Her eyes were shot, her mascara and eyeliner running down her face. It made her look even more beautiful. She was making him feral.

Sukuna’s dick was an angry scarlet and dripped precum all over her leg where it rested. He was big and it scared her even more. As his eyes explored her body, he got hungrier and hungrier. He slides a finger inside of her and starts pumping. Her pussy was slick with her arousal.

“Fuck,” he whispered putting in another finger. He pumped his fingers hard enough to make her wetness splash. She threw her head back and arched her chest into the air. She sounded just as sweet as he thought she would. She was turning out to be everything he wanted and more. He wasn’t waiting any longer.

He yanked his fingers out of her and searched her bedside table for his camcorder. She whined when he removed himself from her and watched him. Sukuna pressed record.

“Say hi to Toji,” he told her, sticking the lens in her face. She closes her eyes and tries to avoid the camera. He grips her chin with his fingers and forces her head forward. “Ain’t she pretty?” Sukuna pulls away from her face to record her body. He takes her tit in his hand to play with. He jiggles and pulls on her nipple before smacking it. When she squealed he did it again.

“He’s gonna love watching me fuck the shit out of you.” Sukuna sat and balanced the recorder on her nightstand perfectly angled to show their torsos and hips. He gets back on the bed to grab her waist and pull her towards his. He groaned when he felt his dick rub against her pussy. “You know who I’m talking about, right? My friend? You know he saw you before I did.”

He pauses to spit into his hand and starts jerking his throbbing shaft. “I wanted to kill that fucker.” Sukuna leans over once more and kisses her several times before capturing her lips in one long and forceful kiss. He rubs his dick against her entrance as he does this, with a desperate moan from both of them to accompany it. Sukuna rests his forehead against hers. “Tell me you’re mine.” His eyes are fiery, and she doesn’t wish to find out what will happen if she fails to do what he asks.

His tip begins to poke through her entrance. She whimpers and he brings his head down and bites her lip. “Come on…”

“I’m yours-” He finally starts tucking his dick into her. The feeling of being inside her was heaven on Earth. He wasn’t ashamed of how loudly he moaned. She was louder anyway. They always are. Even when they don’t want it.

“My name is Sukuna.” She takes all of him like a fucking champ. And looks good as fuck while doing it. And her voice…

“I’m yours, Sukuna.”

A tear ran down her cheek. The dragging of his dick against her walls was nothing like she’s ever felt before. It felt so good, but she was the unhappiest she’d ever been. She’s terrified and unsure if she’ll live to see tomorrow. He says he won’t kill her if she’s good, but what does good even mean to him?

She knows there’s nothing she really could have done to avoid what was currently happening to her. This man- no, Sukuna, saw her when she was first moved in and decided then and there that he wanted to rape her. No matter what he claims about her being rude and ignoring him when he helped her. And yet, she blames herself.

If she had just gotten curtains or blinds early enough, then maybe she could have avoided him. Or maybe she wouldn’t have existed to him at all. At least he wouldn’t have known what floor she was on or her room. Maybe he wouldn’t have known what building she was in.

She was so fucking stupid.

-

He repeated that all night.

‘Stupid fucking bitch,’ he would mutter under his breath. ‘Changing in front of a window, thinking no one’s gonna see you? Posing in mirrors and shit?’ He fucked her at a smooth and steady rythym, she was soaking wet and splashing all over his stubble. The sheets were damp underneath. ‘Oh yeah. You like it when I talk to you like that?’ She couldn’t stop herself from crying in humiliation.

He asked her to cry louder for ‘Toji’, which she did, and he proceeded to smack her across the face for being too loud.

He felt amazing, he pushed her legs into her chest and hammered into her. She cried into his mouth as she came all over him. Her pussy squeezing his member drive him insane and before he knew it he was cumming inside her. ‘Fuck…’ He pulled out and jerked the rest of his cum onto her pussy and thighs. He quickly grabbed the camera to show Toji, with the flash on.

‘Look at that shit,’ Sukuna made sure to examine her at every angle. He pushed his finger into her and chuckled when she moaned. His index was covered with his cum and he brought it and the camera up to her body and face.

She was completely tired out. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, she could barely even lift her eyelids. Sukuna kissed at her like a dog, then maneuvered the camera to her face. Her face was soaked with tears and spit. Her makeup had smudged everywhere and ran down her cheeks. Her hair was a mess, and she ached everywhere.

Her mouth hung open and Sukuna proceeded to jam his finger into it. He used it to pull her head back over to him and made out with her. Then, his dick started poking her ass.

She had no idea what time last night they were finally done, talk less of when she actually fell asleep. He smoked a blunt after the whole thing, sat her up so he could make her smoke too. He found her liquor cabinet. The night got worse.

She puked her guts out then fell asleep on the floor, but now she was in her bed trapped underneath him. They were both naked. She was sore as the day was long. He snores next to her. Holy fucking hell. She’s alive. Why is she alive?

She starts breathing heavily and looking around her room. She doesn’t know what to do. She didn’t think she would still be here.

In a flash, he’s up. His hand is over her mouth, and his eyes are staring into hers. He has a poker face. She shakes in his clutches and her eyes fill with tears already. “Relax. Listen to me. I know what you’re planning.”

What? What is he- “I dare you to fucking try and move away from me. I will follow you and ruin your life.”

“You said you were mine last night? Then you’re mine. You’ll do what I say, and I’ll do as I please with you. Do you understand?”

All she could do was nod. What could she say? She was planning on moving despite not having the money for it. She would have to save up. And now that he’s shown her what he’s capable of, why would she take the risk? 

Why is this happening to her? What did she do to deserve this? Want a better life for herself?

-

Sukuna was pleased with how the morning was going.

She was sitting on a stool in her dining room watching him make them breakfast with an ice pack on her face and a blanket over her body. She didn’t know what to think.

Suddenly, he perks up and turns towards her. “You got a phone, pretty?” 

She could throw up again. She swallows and points towards the hall . “My room,” her voice was hoarse and weak. “On the other side of the bed.”

He pauses and blinks at her. She gets scared again wondering what she did wrong this time. He turns the heat off. “You’re coming with me.”

Toji answers in a flash. “So, how was it?”

“You’re gonna like what you see.” He turns towards where she’s sitting on the bed. “Isn’t that right?” She’s not amused.

“Are you…are you with the bitch right now?” Toji asks.

“Yeah,” Sukuna makes his voice dreamy. “We’re going steady.”

ending a/n: Please lmk what you think ! Thank you for reading !

Masterlist

W E L C O M E P A G E

[rebelliousneferut]

fan frenzy | jude bellingham

summary; when jude's fangirls from borussia dortmund don't love you but things change with your move to madrid

genre; angst, smau

face claim; kaaviya sambasivam

note; English is not my first language

masterlist!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

yourusername

liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, username and others

yourusername date night 🌉✨

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username can someone explain to me why is jude dating with her??

username jude is too much for her

username he doesn't even pay attention to her, she's always the one who looks desperate

username he needs someone prettier

username fr

username i wait for the day he opens his eyes

swallowing the bile rising in my throat, I scrolled through the comments on my latest photo. the negativity was a suffocating wave, a stark contrast to the joy we shared in the picture.

dating jude bellingham was a whirlwind from the start. we met in dortmund, sparks flying despite our initial clashes. over time, that spark evolved into a love as powerful and exhilarating as his world-class strikes. jude, with his kind heart and dazzling smile, was a revelation. despite his young age and rising fame, his patience and unwavering affection showed me a love i never thought possible.

living the dream alongside the man i adored shouldn't have come with a price tag. but jude, besides being a phenomenal footballer, also boasted a massive, and sometimes harsh, fanbase. the adoration soon turned towards me, morphing into a relentless stream of negativity. hateful messages, fueled by envy, became a daily torment. i shielded jude, who was blissfully unaware thanks to his social media inactivity. but the constant barrage chipped away at my self-esteem, leaving me questioning every aspect of myself and our relationship.

jude's future was bright, and i convinced myself i was letting him down by being a target. so, with a voice thick with emotion, i began, "jude, i think we should take some time."

his hand shot out, his touch warm against mine. "why do you say that?" he pleaded, his eyes filled with a concern that mirrored my own. "is this about the move? because if it is, we can talk about it. we'll figure it out together, like always."

i shook my head, tears welling up. "it's everything, jude. all the hate, the negativity... i can't take it anymore. i don't want to be the reason you're attacked."

jude's brow furrowed, his expression a mix of determination and tenderness. "who cares what they say? they don't know us, y/n. they don't know the way you light up a room with your smile, or the fire you ignite in my heart. you are strong, kind, and more beautiful than any comment could ever diminish."

he cupped my face in his hands, his touch wiping away a stray tear. "you are the woman i love, the thought of facing anything without you is..." his voice trailed off, his eyes searching mine.

taking a deep breath, i confessed, "the comments... they make me doubt myself, jude. they make me doubt us."

jude's jaw clenched for a moment, then softened. he pulled me into a tight embrace, the warmth of his body a familiar comfort. "we'll face it together," he murmured against my hair. "we'll show them what true love looks like. and if they can't see it, then their opinion doesn't matter. all that matters is you and me."

and i decided to trust him.

"maybe a fresh start in spain would be better," i thought. "maybe they won't hate me there."

the following day, the world woke up to a new post on jude's social media – a photo of us, radiating pure joy.

judebellingham

liked by yourusername, jobebellingham, footballwags and others

judebellingham my rock, my confidante, my love, my y/n. to anyone who has anything negative to say, save your breath. we're happy, and that's all that matters.

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yourusername i love you so much 🥺❤️

❤️ liked by the author

judebellingham i love you more than words can express

username i never understood the hatred towards her, she is beautiful and they make a nice couple

username madrid welcomes you with open arms 🫶🏽

username she makes jude happy and that's all that matters

username i still don't like her

username touch grass

the response was a wave of positivity, drowning out the negativity. the spanish fans, known for their passion, embraced me with open arms. it wasn't an instant fix, but it was a start. jude, by my side, had become my shield, our love a beacon against the darkness. we were in this together, and together, we would face anything.

[astonmartinii]

HI! Hope you are well! I have no clue if you are taking requests or not, but if you are, could you maybe do a smau with carlos sainz x ferrari!reader? Where the reader is part of the ferrari family, and when her father passes away, she will take on the company? And like, all of the tifosi love her loads, bcs she's just lovely to them all no matter what, and they see carlos slowly 'fall in love' with her then soft launch their relationship, and it turns out they had been dating for ages? If you can, ty!!

are you going to be my girl? | carlos sainz social media au

pairing: carlos sainz x fem ferrari!reader

it's not a HR violation if you were dating before she became your boss and it's not nepotism if it's her company.

yournameferrari

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 872,309 others

yournameferrari: first race weekend, let's go girls 🏁

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user1: i am SCARED i am weirdly optimistic 🤔

user2: i have faith, the article about her and the whole new team... she's cooking

carlossainz55: excited to take her out for a spin

yournameferrari: lets keep all the spinning for the doughnuts at the end of the season please

carlossainz55: i'll try my best, no promises though

yournameferrari: okay stop commenting on my post and get ready to drive, you're wearing my name

carlossainz55: let me know when you want to wear mine

user3: yall it's not even been one race and carlos is flirting with his boss, they weren't lying f1 drivers really are fearless

sebastianvettel: feels like just the other day when you first visted the garage, you'll smash it!

yournameferrari: thanks seb! can't wait to see you again, give hanna and the kids my love

user4: i love that she's 23 but literally talks like a grandma

user5: the stress of ferrari does tend to age a person

charles_leclerc: forza ferrari ❤️ we'll make you proud

yournameferrari: i have all the faith in the world in you boys

user6: a ferarri owner who actually publicly supports the drivers? i've prayed for times like this

user7: ahhh i met her this weekend and she really loves the tifosi like she spent so long with us and signed as much as she could

carlossainz55

liked by yournameferrari, landonorris and 893,209 others

carlossainz55: great weekend all round, happy to be back on the podium - thank you to y/n and all the team for building us a car we can win in !!

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user9: don't shoot me but did we all see the way carlos was looking at y/n on the podium

user10: bestie i hate to tell you but there was like 100 ferrari workers at that podium he could've been looking at literally any of them

yournameferrari: you boys made the ferrari name proud this weekend ❤️

carlossainz55: couldn't have done it without you and the team

yournameferrari: you're too kind, take pride in your own achievements

carlossainz55: only if you celebrate with me

user11: are we witnessing the smooth operator in real time?

user12: it's like seeing a unicorn in the woods

landonorris: congrats chilli 🌶️ are we all celebrating or is it just you two?

carlossainz55: all of us? why wouldn't it be everyone?

landonorris: no reason ....

user13: maybe it's because carlos' eyes pop out of his head like a looney tunes whenever he's around y/n ferrari

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc

carlossainz55: you realise i get the notifications when you guys like comments, right?

landonorris: well my PR team wouldn't like it if i commented it myself

carlossainz55: i wonder if there is a reason for that 🤔

user14: carlando domestics in the comment section we are so back

scuderiaferrari

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 803,451 others

tagged: yournameferrari

scuderiaferrari: no race this weekend? we'll give you a #️⃣ asky/n to give you your ferrari content this weekend!

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user15: what is your favourite race?

yournameferrari: besides the obvious choices of imola and monza, i really enjoy suzuka and spa !

user16: who is a driver you would've loved to have managed?

yournameferrari: the obvious answer is michael schumacher, but i also would've loved to work with seb and kimi and jean alesi!

user17: how do you feel about taking over ferrari so young?

yournameferrari: it's definitely daunting, especially when no one really knew i existed. i was scared when it came to the staff overhaul as they had been there for so long and i was scared that it would massively backfire, but so far so good.

user18: tbf it's been a long time coming

user19: what would you do if you weren't owning ferrari?

yournameferrari: to be honest, ferrari and motorsport is all i have ever known, but, i also enjoy most other sports like football, ice skating and golf. but outside of sport i would've loved to pursue writing, i love poetry and essays!

user20: GOLF? cue carlos sainz in 3...2...1

carlossainz55: let's go for a round after my next sim session ⛳️

yournameferrari: only if you're ready to lose

user21: i am having ... feelings about this pairing

user22: how do you feel about charles' music?

yournameferrari: i always think it is good to have another passion, especially with how all-consuming formula one can become. i personally love charles' music and will often put it on when i do yoga or read (though my favourite is AUS23)

charles_leclerc: thank you y/n !!!

user23: is this *rubs eyes* an owner with a good relationship with the drivers???

f1gossipgirl

liked by user28, user29 and 4,130 others

tagged: yournameferrari, pierregasly

f1gossipgirl: AWKWARD MOMENT ALERT 🚨 y/n ferrari had harsh word for pierre gasly when they crossed paths in the paddock. gasly, whose dangerous driving put carlos sainz in the medical centre, seemed shocked that ferrari would have a problem with him. sources in the paddock said that ferrari admonished the frenchman, "you have a lot of gall in the media gasly, everyone saw how dangerous that was, you can't blame your own shortcomings on alpha tauri or adrian newey now. keep your car away from my drivers or we'll have a real problem." oop. allegedly gasly only replied with a wink and a "anything for you sweetheart" which caused y/n to storm off and knock his shoulder on the way past. who is in the right?

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user30: THAT'S MY OWNER RIGHT THERE

user31: y/n owned gasly

user32: not only was he dangerous on track he's also super disrespectful off, y/n is expressing her concerns over her driver who could've been seriously injured and he just flirts with her ???

user33: pierre is super in the wrong here but also it's so refreshing to see someone in management actually have the drivers back

user34: gone were the days of begging ferrari to even appeal penalties

user35: my friend was in the paddock and apparently vasseur had to hold sainz back after he was told about what pierre had done

user36: the way he's more mad that pierre disrespected y/n than nearly killing him

user37: idk why she's getting involved, no need to talk to the drivers like that, you're the owner, know your place

liked by pierregasly

user38: something insidious about the man liking a comment telling a woman to know her place 🤨

user39: he acts the victim in every situation and yet HE is the common denominator

user40: after ^^^ this whole mess i need carlos to scrap pierre

user41: i feel like he actually would that man is in love with y/n lol

yournameferrari

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 903,451 others

yournameferrari: happy summer break everyone !! going into the break leading the constructor's championship lead is amazing but we aim to finish the season with both trophies back in maranello. see you in zandvoort x

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user42: A MAN?

user43: i was delusional to think that a young successful and smart woman wasn't cuffed :(

sebastianvettel: are you still planning to swing by switzerland?

yournameferrari: we'll be there!

this comment was deleted

yournameferrari: i'll be there!

user44: girl we saw that

user45: the way she posts her soft launch but deletes a comment that says she might bring him to visit seb?

user46: visiting seb is a big deal tbf

user47: the way carlos HAS to have her notifications on mans was here after 30 seconds

user48: has better reaction time for y/n's instagram post than a race start 😭

carlossainz55: working on my swing, ready for our round of golf

yournameferrari: get ready to be humbled

carlossainz55: if you're as pro as you say i may have to upgrade us to crazy golf

yournameferrari: as long as i get the red ball

carlossainz55: deal

user49: are we FLIRTING 👀 ???????

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yournameferrari and 703,458 others

tagged: yournameferrari

carlossainz55: took a break from swimming to get my ass whooped by my boss on the golf course

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user50: oh the fit - Y/N CAME TO PLAY

landonorris: just how bad was the whopping? before i propose a paddock golf tournament

carlossainz55: she'll ruin the sport for you it's not fair

landonorris: you didn't put up any sort of fight?

carlossainz55: i TRIED but as soon as i saw the custom clubs i knew it was over

yournameferrari: i have a confession, i was literally on my college golf team, i had a lot of practice sorry x

carlossainz55: so you're basically a professional? that's comforting

yournameferrari: not really a professional but a very dedicated amateur

user51: babe you literally won the national championship at stanford stop playing with this man

yournameferrari: oops? 😬

user52: right, i don't mean to sound crazy, but i have a theory. the third pic looks very familiar to me, is it a lake in switzerland? the switzerland one SEBASTIAN VETTEL lives in and that y/n ferrari said she was going to visit this summer with someone?

user53: i fear you've made a point

user54: as much as they'd be literally the hottest couple in the world ... is it not a bit weird for carlos to date his boss? like... also what does this mean for potential favouritism?

user55: i get those concerns but we've already seen this season that decisions have been made both ways. unlike the binotto era ferrari actually are making the two first drivers thing work

user56: based on what y/n has said in the past i don't think she'd favour carlos because of a relationship, i think she's too ruthless to potentially sacrifice points to benefit her potential boyfriend

f1

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 1,239,861 others

tagged: carlossainz55

f1: the smooth operator is back to winning ways with his win under the singapore lights. it was a double podium for ferrari and a DNF for sergio perez means that ferrari are constructors champions once again!

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user60: Y/N FERRARI THE WOMAN YOU ARE AND HOLY SHIT HER AND CARLOS KISSING DID SOMETHING TO ME

user61: we really went from xavi and not having any tyres to proper professionals and the WCC trust the WDC will be coming back home soon

carlossainz55: tifosi, we'll get the big one next year ❤️

user62: CONSTRUCTOR CHAMPIONS AND YOU BAGGED Y/N FERRARI U WON AT LIFE

landonorris: so you made me find out with everyone else? i see how it is

carlossainz55: sorry landito, didn't intend for anyone to find out just yet but i guess i got a little carried away..

yournameferrari: a little?

carlossainz55: sorry but i've been good all year and finally got the win and the championship i couldn't help myself (you also looked so good sorry)

yournameferrari: i guess i can give you that (you're also very sexy post-race)

charles_leclerc: well i for one am super happy that i never opened the door when i heard a suspicious sound coming from y/n's office

yournameferrari: omg delete please i stubbed my toe i swear !!!!

charles_leclerc: no one is believing that i'm sorry

carlossainz55: we've never done anything untoward on ferrari property

landonorris: untoward? who are you?

carlossainz55: my gf is super duper college educated and it's rubbing off on me

landonorris: AHAHAHA RUBBING OFF

yournameferrari: 🤨

landonorris: sorry.

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yournameferrari and 1,034,510 others

tagged: yournameferrari

carlossainz55: suprise ! i guess it wasn't to be just ours forever, but i love you y/n and will give everything to you and your name x

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user62: boyfriend in the first slide and girlfriend in the others he's so real

yournameferrari: i know this secret was hard for you to keep so i'm proud of you regardless, i love you 🫶

carlossainz55: honestly any time anyone in the paddock flirted with you i thought i would explode

yournameferrari: i've seen your dm requests, spare me

carlossainz55: but now they know, i can unleash all of my pictures of you and i can flex on everyone

user63: dream threesome list just got a new update

landonorris: first slide for me i know that's right

carlossainz55: i am forgiven for not telling you about my relationship? the two years were tough

landonorris: TWO YEARS?

carlossainz55: your tone sounds kinda off

landonorris: you can shove your first slide up your ass 👍 TWO YEARS?????

carlossainz55: tbf i couldn't really announce to the world that i was dating the woman who would someday become the owner of my team

landonorris: give me three business days and i'll be okay

scuderiaferrari: parents ❤️

charles_leclerc: happy for you guys but never ask me to take pictures of you again x

yournameferrari: you did such a good job though!

charles_leclerc: unless i see a photographer bonus in my contract i will not be third wheeling for free

yournameferrari: noted (you're not getting the bonus)

charles_leclerc: it was worth the try

yournameferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 1,035,556 others

tagged: carlossainz55

yournameferrari: what a crazy first season. i am unbelievably proud of the boys and the team, we'll bring both championships back to maranello next season ❤️

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user64: she is everything i want to be

user65: tbf after last season i never thought we would win a race this season and her overhaul and ruthlessness has actually changed the game. also her and carlos are super cute

carlossainz55: i love you and thank you for our season. here's to the best winter break with you

yournameferrari: finally you can spend christmas the ferrari way

user66: how do we also get an invite to this christmas.. do you have any brothers? cousins? uncles?

carlossainz55: you're so so so beautiful, pretty, bewitching, ravishing, stunning and irresistible

yournameferrari: i love you too handsome

carlossainz55: can you also humble my dad at golf please and thank you

yournameferrari: we'll go doubles for the sainz golf tournament and have NO MERCY

user67: someone tell y/n the season is over and that she doesn't need to ruin sainz snr's christmas on the golf course

yournameferrari: the ferrari name never rests sorry not sorry

user68: yeah yeah the constructor championship finally came back to ferrari but this relationship is the real win from this season

user69: carlos finally found someone as old money as him

user70: and is actually old money, babes has that ferrari money

carlossainz55: i can retire early and be the house husband

yournameferrari: you will not retire early i expect you to be kicking it in that car until you're at least alonso's age

carlossainz55: but after that i can be the house husband a HAB?

yournameferrari: to your hearts content :) no one prettier i'd want on my arm x

note: hope you enjoyed i was BATTLING the writers block on this one lol. but i hope this is what you were looking for

[courtingchaos]

Feast

Pairing: Eddie x Reader x Steve, past Eddie x Steve (set in my Line Cook Eddie AU)

Word Count: 9.8K

Summary: It’s a Graveyard Lake House Smash 🎃

A/N: When I tell you Woof, I mean WOOF. I don’t want to tell you all how long I’ve had this sitting in the crockpot. It’s surprising it didn’t turn to ash. Instead I got this! Struck by what I can only describe as mania I was able to finish this and edit it all with the help of @jo-harrington . Now I have many many MANY people to thank for this even being an idea for me to play around with and I won’t fill this page up with a bunch of tags. Those of you that were there for its inception know and that’s what matters. Talk about a fucking labor of love. I pulled this out of my own viscera, I hope you like it ❤️ (Also, reference is made to the fic Strawberry if you guys want to go look at that smut too, but it is not needed.)

Warnings: Drug use (cocaine, weed), Drinking, DVP, Unprotected sex, Sex while under the influence

NSFW 18+ No Minors

“Oh this is cute.” The flyer invite is bright orange and full of Eddie’s little doodles.

“Yeah? You like it?” Eddie leans over your shoulder. “Made it all by myself.”

“You even signed it, look at you.” You grab his chin and give it a wiggle before he plants a kiss on your cheek.

“Obviously we’re invited. I’ve got my costume all planned out already.” He heads into the bedroom and misses you pulling a face.

“Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I won’t be there.”

His head sticks out around the doorframe, “What?”

“Yeah, too many requests off. I gotta close.”

“Okay? You’re off at what, 9:30?” Eddie waves you off before disappearing in the bedroom. “I’ll pick you up and we can be to Steve’s by 10, 10:30. Piece of cake, piece of crumb cake.” He does his best Father Guido from inside his closet and it makes you laugh.

“I’m gonna be tired, Ed.”

“And I’m gonna have weed.” He reappears with a different hoodie on.

You huff. “I don’t have a costume.”

“I’ll find you one.”

“I hate bagged stuff!” You aren’t really arguing with him, just pushing his buttons enough to see where his exasperation will take him. It sends his arms over his head while he goes headlong into all the costumes you could put together with the shit in your own closet.

“So no bagged stuff! You could pull off a Nancy Downs or a Sidney.”

“Will you go as Stu?”

Eddie stands like he’s upset with you, arms crossed and voice dropping low for a moment. “You know damn well I’d have to go as Billy. Plus,” he flits his hand beside his face, “like I said I already have my costume.”

“You won’t tell me?” You don’t even fake your pout. “I need help with an idea! Come on!”

“It’s a surprise!” He shakes your shoulder and when you don’t stand he hauls you up by your hand so you can finally run errands for the day. “Look, when we’re done at the store I’ll help you dig through your shit and piece something together.”

By store he really meant every shop in town with a Halloween section and only a quick run into a grocery store for mac and cheese. One of your last stops is at a Party City where you’re staring at the wall of masks feeling a little dejected. Halloweens haven’t felt fun in a while and this one was shaping up to be just as disappointing. You’re eying one of those big articulated scarecrow masks when Eddie comes bounding up to you with a clutch of cellophane in his hands.

“I figured it out.” Is all he says before practically skipping back the way he came, right into the latex and spirit gum section.

“Ed I don’t want to do a whole thing, especially if I can’t wear it at work.”

“No this is easy shit, it goes on like a temporary tattoo.” He holds one of the thin packs up against your face before shaking his head and tossing it back on a hook. Another one he’s been clutching skims your cheek and his eyes light up. “No this is perfect.”

“You gonna let me in on this little secret?” You crane your neck to see what he has. “Is that a pentagram?”

“Do you still have that cheer skirt?”

You think you might know what he’s getting at. “The black and red one?”

He nods his head and picks up a packet of ‘fresh’ colored blood.

“Yeah.” And with that he’s off down the aisle again, beelining for the color coded tailgating section.

“If they have them in stock—hell yeah.” He holds up a red and a black pompom. “Cookin’ with fire now.” His grin is infectious.

“You know I don’t have any costume contacts, right?”

Eddie’s ‘pshh’ is so self assured. “With this it won’t matter.” He points at the pentagram transfer. “See? I told you I’d figure it out.”

In the small bathroom at work you feel only slightly ridiculous.

It’d been a few Halloween’s ago that you’d worn this skirt and now it’s a little more snug, sits a little higher on your thigh and hugs your stomach a little tighter. The cropped tee doesn’t leave much to the imagination and the thigh highs feel a little like overkill.

It’s cute, objectively. You know it but you still spend a little too much time staring at the back of yourself as best you can, making sure your whole ass isn’t out on display. A soft knock on the door reminds you of your faithful coworker waiting on you to finish up so they can run off to their own plans.

“Sorry, one sec!” You shove your work clothes into your tote bag and give yourself one last hard stare. “You’re gonna be fine.” You say with some finality to your reflection, black press on nail tapping on the glass.

Outside Eddie sits in his truck, idling next to your car and you take your sweet time strolling over to him. His eyes glint in his side view while the rest of his face stays obscured and you wonder just what costume he’s put on, right until you catch the tilt of his head and you see what sits there. Your pace quickens and you have to hold the hem of your skirt down when you all but run across the parking lot, stopping at his open window to stare at him wildly.

“Oh no, you did not.”

He most certainly did.

The cigarette clenched between his fangs glows in the dark cab, shimmering lips pulling into a smile around the filter. “Do what?” He asks like he has no idea what’s on his body. The run of chains around his neck clink and catch the light of the street lamps. From under his curls the tips of pointed prosthetics peak out, gold rings pierced through the latex. The matte red body paint lays in a thin layer on his face and just barely down his neck, his chest on full display under his barely buttoned black shirt.

“Not the Bard.” His hands glint with more rings than normal, jeweled gold he’d picked up at last year’s Ren Faire. You catch the black claws stuck to his nails and he laughs at your shocked expression.

“What’s wrong with my Bard?”

You gesture wildly at his whole being and you haven’t even started to look up at the horns on his head. Long red ones that curl against his crown, gold chains dripping off the curves. Painted bands shimmer just like the gold on his lips and you almost open your mouth to cancel your plans.

Eddie clicks his tongue at you like he’s read your mind. “Hop in quick, it’s like a 45 minute drive.”

You huff, hands still anchored on the window while you gawk at him. His make up is perfect, his clothes thrown on too easily. There’s a smokey scent that lingers, something not from his cigarette, and you wonder if he got into your perfume oils; Incense and wood fire swirling around him. He taps your knuckles to get them off his door and when you go to walk around the bed of the truck he just whistles at you, nodding his head towards the hood.

“No no, give me a little preview.”

You almost don’t give in. The doubt is trying its hardest to claw up your back but you ignore it and let the headlights cast your shadow on the building. Eddie’s delighted laughter rolls from his open window and when you get into the truck his hand finds the exposed swath of thigh above the socks.

“Told you it’d come together.” A firm squeeze and a straying pinky when you twist around to set your bag in the backseat, the soft pads of his fingers grazing higher under the hem of your skirt.

“You like it?” You sound a little unsure, like he wasn’t the one to lay the outfit out for you to give your seal of approval. It isn’t like you need his constant validation but it feels nice to let him ogle you every once in a while.

“If I didn’t have promises to keep I’d be taking you straight home.” He leans in toward you, careful of all his pieces and face paint, lips close but just out of reach.

“The quicker we get out there, the quicker we can get home.” You try to bridge the distance but Eddie pulls back, another sharp grin aimed at you.

“You should finish your makeup before we get there.” He taps the glove box before leaning back into his seat. “I saved you something for the ride over.”

He keeps his hand in place the whole way to Steve’s. Even when you pull out the joint he rolled for you, in the fun striped papers you’d shown him weeks ago. You relax and try to get your eyeliner done first before you’re too high to care and when you’ve finally put your bag away Eddie becomes your sole focus.

His hand might stay firmly planted but yours don’t. It starts off easy enough, plucking at his necklaces and pendants, letting them fall back on each other and clink. A twist of a ring on his free hand and pulling at the bracelet warmed by his wrist. You run a light finger along his pointed ear and you don’t miss the slight shiver that runs down his neck.

His neck.

You drop that hand and trail the tip of your fake nail over his skin to pull up goosebumps, carefully avoiding smudging any paint. He lets you drop a peck or two but he’s serious about not messing up his makeup, “at least not yet.”

Since you’ve been denied a treat, you pull lightly at his collar so you can nibble on his shoulder. Fingers trailing down the wide open valley of buttons, your other hand dancing across his lap to scratch at the seam of his jeans.

“You’re terrible.” He admonishes you but it’s all for show, if he was serious about you taking your hands off him he wouldn’t have grinned at you like that.

Halfway out of your seat and draped over the center console is how you spend the last half of your drive, an earring between your teeth while you distract him just enough to swerve a few times.

The lake house emerges along the horizon suddenly, almost like you’d been distracted by the button on Eddie’s jeans. The gravel crunches under the tires down the long drive and orange, green and purple string lights help direct you to the actual house.

Steve’s family’s lake house is a mimic of a rustic cabin, one big peaked roof and a massive back deck that wraps around the side. It looks like someone pulled a giant A-frame directly up out of the ground, Halloween decor and all. You stare up at it surrounded by trees, the big windows flashing intermittently with light, music thumping dully out into the sleeping nature.

“Whoa.” Actually you loose all focus of what’s in Eddie’s pants as you finally grasp the size of the property and the crowd outside.

“See? Could have missed all this if we’d just gone home.” Eddie parks and unbuckles himself so he can twist around carefully for the bag in the back. “Now sit still, I gotta put your pentagram on.”

That pulls your attention back to him, especially when he sets a water bottle down first. He peels the transfer apart and you watch him silently, lulled by a full work day and the haze of weed. He’s right, it does go on like a temporary tattoo and when a drip of water falls between your breast you giggle.

“Making a mess already?” You hold the edges of your cut up collar away so you don’t get it stuck and Eddie just shakes his head.

“Are you gonna be like this all night?”

“Do you want me to be?”

Eddie’s hand is flat against your chest to hold the prosthetic in place so you know he feels the uptick of your heartbeat. It’s close and cozy in this cab, close enough that you can see the corner of his mouth twitch and the crinkle of his light crows feet. His eyes drop from your chest to your cleavage and you lean in a little more, push your arms in a little tighter.

“Can I have a kiss?” Whispered just between you two. “Since I’ve been so good tonight.”

He hums, lips pursed, and checks on your pentagram instead. The paper lifts and his hand moves away and you follow him, lips leading to the golden shimmer you’ve been eyeing. It’s quick but it’s what you wanted, just a little more of his attention on you.

He huffs when you pull away. “See this is why I wanted to wait.” His thumb rubs against your chin and he pulls it back to show you the smear of red. “Now you’re marked.”

You think if you can crawl into his lap right now he might abandon this deal tonight. He looks at you from under hooded eyes, eyes that linger on your bare skin. There’s a moment when he takes a deep breath you think you can maybe break him with a well placed purr of his name but—

“Eddie!” The rap of knuckles on the window makes you jump and with it the spell breaks. Robin is waving at the two of you, grinning wide and unknowing of what she’s done. “You guys look great!” Her voice is muffled by the glass so Eddie opens the door and starts his personality up for the show.

You figure out that Robin has gone as Weird Barbie and you love it, especially because she’s obviously a few Malibu and Pineapple’s deep and she keeps you slung close while she directs you and Eddie around.

“Jon and Nance are Beetlejuice and Lydia.” She points in a vague direction of the house where you see neither of them. “Lucas and Max couldn’t make it because they’re doing the ‘parent thing’ obviously.” Her air quotes almost make her spill her drink and Eddie takes it from her with a sigh.

“It’s not even midnight yet, Rob.”

“Hush! I don’t actually know what the hell Dustin is, I think it’s a chemical compound.” She says out of the side of her mouth, gesturing at Eddie to give her a sip from her solo cup. “Will is an amazing Orville Peck, he made his own mask! The fringe is so long!”

You laugh at her pointing at meaningless areas, no one being where she thinks they are.

“And where’s our host?” Eddie asks, scanning the heads outside.

“Oh he’s been so lame. You know, he slapped a name tag on an hour before the party and called it his costume?” Robin looks so disappointed. “I offered to make him a Ken three months ago and he acted like I’d insulted him.”

“Well what’s he wearing? I’d rather him not blow up my phone.”

“Black hat, backwards like an asshole. Red sweater.” Robin drops you off at the doorway into the cabin and snatches her drink back from Eddie. “Name tag says ‘God’.” She leaves you with a heavy eye roll before slipping into the masses.

A quick schmooze around the open downstairs and you’re finally left to your own devices, drink secured in your hand.

“Now don’t go running off without me, okay?” Eddie puts a stern finger in your face and you snap your jaws at it. He ignores you. “I’m serious, meet me up in the loft.” He points the same finger upwards and you nod wordlessly. “Hopefully this shouldn’t take too long and we can go hang out on the dock.”

You frown. “It’s kind of cold out.”

“Oh no.” Eddie waves his hands at you, feigning being distraught. “I guess we’ll have to cuddle, oh no!”

You flip him off as he walks away and he blows you a kiss and immediately you begin timing him to see how long it will actually take him.

You don’t recognize anyone here. Maybe a few people from Stacy’s, some of the line cooks and waitstaff, but no one you can start a conversation with that wouldn’t end up feeling awkward. There’s the obvious close friends of Eddie’s but even they aren’t as known to you and even so, you’ve spotted them chatting with other people already. You sip on your drink and you sigh and resign yourself to waiting it out.

Leaning on the bannister of the loft you look down and spot Eddie animatedly telling someone something, his jewelry sparkling in the flashing lights. His voice carries sometimes, even in a party like this and you watch him with amusement. It doesn’t take long to loose him though and you pull your phone out to distract you, just before a flash of maroon catches your eye and you turn to find Steve looking surprised with two cups in his hands.

“I was trying to sneak up on you, how did you know?”

“I bet you’re one of those guys who doesn’t say ‘behind’ at work, aren’t you?”

“Oh no, I learned my lesson there.” He sets the drinks on the bannister and pulls up his sleeve to show you a silvery scar near his elbow. “That’s where I took a parring knife around a corner, I don’t fuck around in there anymore.” He laughs.

“Was it Eddie?” You ask like you already know the answer but Steve shakes his head hard.

“No, some other dude but Ed did yell at him for walking around with a knife held out in front of him. ‘What are you trying to do, shiv him?’” He puts on a face that you correctly guess is an imitation of an angry Eddie.

“Aw, did he look out for you?” You reach out and pinch Steve’s cheek and he swats you away, his ears flushing a bright red.

“Speaking of, where is he? He has my weed.”

“I don’t know, I lost him in the masses.” You gesture at the crowd below just as the music and lights change, making it darker and harder to make out a detail.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed. My high is wearing off and there are too many people I don’t know here.” You finish off your drink and Steve is holding up one of his cups to replace it. You raise an eyebrow in question and he just swings it at you so you’ll take it.

“I saw you up here, thought I’d bring you a drink. Didn’t know how long you’d been here.”

Something about his expensive smile always makes you want to giggle. You know that he’s aware of his charms but even then you can’t help how easy he makes it. The flattery is always there, especially if Eddie is around, and if you didn’t know any better you might have the sneaking suspicion he was flirting.

“All by my lonesome?” You shake your new drink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Not like that, I brought two in case Ed was up here.”

He’s always flirting actually, you think it might just be an integral cog of his makeup at this point. You’ve seen the way it slips into the most innocuous conversations with Eddie, though he’s always trying to banter.

You drop the sly accusatory look and shrug. “Good luck. I was told to stay put till he came back.”

“Or, and hear me out, we could go find him together.” He says it like it’s the best idea he’s ever had and honestly? You look around at the sparsely populated loft and check the time on your phone, noticing you’ve already wasted half an hour doing nothing.

“I’m in.”

An hour of wandering and you haven’t run into Eddie again. He didn’t ditch you, far from it. You know your blood covered boobs and incredibly short skirt wouldn’t leave his mind but you do know he how he loves to talk. Someone must have gotten him on a kick and he’s been passed around through groups, his storytelling making bursts of laughter float up from different corners of the party.

“Did he really tell you stay upstairs?” Steve asks, shouldering through a group with a short wave.

“Yeah, but he looses track of time at parties. You know how he is.” You’re a few drinks deep now so any annoyance has burned off, especially since Steve has been nice enough to walk around with you. The view from behind while you followed wasn’t bad either. It makes you smirk and you hide that in your drink, your wandering gaze following his long legs.

One more inside lap before you both stop at the kitchen island covered in bottles to top up and Steve finally calls it.

“Wanna go sit outside?” He nods his head towards the back deck. “Quieter.” He heads for the wall of windows where people filter out to sit by the water. You weren’t kidding earlier when you said it was chilly and you really hadn’t thought to bring a sweater with you for some reason. Steve notices you hesitate though and seemingly understands. On his way to the door he lifts the seat of a bench up and pulls out a blanket.

Water laps at the deck softly and the chatter dies down finally, the music a distant thump and you feel a little sober taking in the fresh air. Steve holds up the corners of the blanket for you and when you don’t immediately move in he shakes it at you.

“I’m not gonna bite.”

“Aw, really?” It slips out before you can catch it. To Steve’s credit he takes it in stride, barely breaking a grin when you finally snatch the blanket from him. He digs around in his front pocket for a moment and pulls out a crumpled pack of Marlboros. There’s one already tucked behind his ear and you’re about to remind him when he holds up a slim joint.

“I know this is a sad offering, but you want?”

As if on cue there’s a peal of laughter followed by a big splash and you step closer to Steve on the dock to get away from the rippling water. “Jesus, please.”

He eyebrows twitch up and he points lazily at the name tag. “Actually it’s God, but same-same.”

He pulls two Adirondack chairs together and you slide back into one remembering to keep your knees together so you don’t accidentally flash Steve. He holds the joint out to you with his lighter and you gasp theatrically.

“And a gentleman at that!”

It takes a few strikes to get the beat up bic to light and you can feel Steve staring. At first you think he’s judging your lack of finesse but when you go to hand him his lighter his eyes snap up from your legs, a tight smile flashed at you before he holds his hand out to take the joint back. He keeps the conversation light, he tells you about what this lake house used to look like and how much his parents sunk into it to remodel it. He makes small talk seem fun when he frosts his words in charm and you remember the last night he’d been particularly plucky with you.

“I.D.?”

“Steve it’s me.”

“Can’t trust it, gotta see I.D.” He shrugs and holds out his hand and gestures at you when you don’t make a move for your wallet. There’s not even a hint of a smile on his face and you wonder if maybe he’d gotten in trouble for giving you so many free extra pours.

“Okay, okay fine here.” Behind you Eddie is deep in conversation with Jeff about switching a shift and hasn’t noticed the third degree yet. When you finally get the plastic slipped out of your wallet Steve snatches it and leans back with it held up close to his face. He studies it like he’s never seen you or an I.D. before and he keeps flicking his eyes back and forth between it and your face.

A nervous grin breaks out of you when the situation isn’t changing. “Steve? Did I do-“

“There it is.”

“What?” You laugh through your confusion.

“I just needed to see that smile.” Steve hands your card back and slides your drink across the counter with an easy grin.

The high is returning and with it the questions that slip easily from your brain and straight out of your mouth. “Can I ask you something?”

It takes Steve a moment to tear his eyes away from the surface of the lake where it reflects the string lights. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Remember a few weeks ago when you did the thing with my I.D.?”

His eyebrows scrunch together hard when he tries to piece together what you’re saying. “Your I.D.? Did I loose it?”

You flap your hand at him to try to get him to remember. “No no, the smile thing.”

“Oh!” It dawns on him, his glassy eyes widening. “You like that? That’s one of my better ones.” He seems proud of himself for a pick up line.

“Were you just trying to piss Eddie off or do you just flirt with everyone?”

“Honestly?” Steve scratches his chin lightly, staring back off into the lake’s glassy surface. “I really like messing with Ed. He trusts you so I like to push his buttons.” He shrugs. “Also I do flirt with a lot of people, it gets me good tips.” His laugh makes his eyes crinkle and it makes you think of Eddie.

You take a break to find the bathroom, and to scan for your boyfriend, and when you come up without him you grab two beers from the massive cooler and head back outside. Steve seems a little more alert than when you left him and he points to a space under the deck where two people are cloaked in shadow.

“See that?”

You lean your hip into Steve’s shoulder to balance yourself as you squint, two things becoming harder to do especially together. It isn’t until a wig gets tugged off and both of you gasp, finally realizing that Robin has found a different Barbie. She tugs at Robin, hauling her towards the boathouse and Steve starts laughing.

“Should we help her or…?”

“Nah, she’ll find me in the morning.” Steve sighs and runs his hand up the back of your thigh.

Hm?

You run that feeling through your cotton stuffed brain again. The back of your thigh, the part that is so very bare and just under the hem of your skirt is hot, skin sticky where a palm sits now. It’s wide and a little rough and his fingers give a quick squeeze to the fat there and then proceeds to sit still. You move slowly, your head dropping down to stare at Steve’s easy posture.

“Steven?” You ask slowly.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you with not even a twinkle in his eye. If he were to move his thumb just the slightest bit up he’d be grazing the cuff of your ass and you wonder if he can even feel the sudden heat rolling off you.

“What’s that you got there?” You don’t break eye contact with him.

“Something soft.”

The giggle escapes before you realize it and something in Steve’s features shifts into what looks like pride. You don’t forget where you are so much as you take the bait and turn towards him, leaning down so you’re close to his face and can see the light dusting of freckles on the bridge of his nose.

“I think,” you whisper and cast an exaggerated look around, “you’re tying to get a rise out of someone.”

“Oh?” His cheeks flush, just a tinge of pink that catches your eye.

Steve’s head goes back with a tug of his backwards cap.

“Harrington.” Eddie makes his grand reappearance, seemingly stepping from the shadows to stare down at Steve who stares up in dumbstruck awe.

You’d noticed horns approaching when you’d leaned down and maybe it was the combination of liquor and weed but something bold had taken over, especially when you knew you had Eddie coming to swoop in.

“Finally finished your rounds? I’ve been waiting.” Steve asks your boyfriend, who keeps the bill of the baseball hat between his knuckles.

“You finally finished feeling up my girl? I’m waiting.”

You don’t expect that, the warmth in his tone. The little chuckle, the joking grin. Something about Eddie taking this on the chin makes you pay attention.

“Oh what’s a thigh between friends, huh?”

You can hear the edge in Steve’s voice now, the push to Eddie’s pull. That palm stays firmly planted on you while the two men stare at each other. It’s like they’re speaking in silent code, cats flicking their ears to get their point across. Eddie seems to give in first with a small shrug, letting go of Steve’s hat though his head remains lolled back to stare at the red demon above him.

“Is this imposter bothering you?” Eddie gestures at the peeling name tag stuck to Steve’s sweater and you think about it, honestly.

Where you are right now, is it bothering you?

The hand cradling the back of your thigh, is that bothering you?

The way Eddie seems to be reading your mind, his eyes bouncing between your own and the smile you just realized is warming up your face, does that bother you?

“No.”

This feels like earlier in the night. A heavy hand anchoring you to the moment. A little buzz from your warm high. You’re listening to Eddie smooth talk Steve but all you want is something tactile. Eddie crouches down so he’s eye level with Steve and they lean into each other to conspire, you’d know that look on his face anywhere. It’s one he’s shot you over countless drinks and through crowds and at dinner with friends. He’s got his mind set on something.

He’s too far away though for you to absently run your fingers through his hair so you grab the next best thing. The fringe sticking out from under Steve’s hat is so soft when you rub it between your fingers. Little flips of sun bleached brunette that curl up under the brim and around your finger, twirling between your press ons.

“How is your hair so soft?”

Eddie tilts his head just as Steve slowly turns to look at you with a confused smile. “I spend a lot of money on conditioner.”

“What’s it made of, spun silk?” You drag your nails up the back of his head and he shivers.

Eddie looks downright gleeful. “I told you.”

“Told him what?” Distracted by Steve letting his head fall into your palm you miss Eddie shooting his friend a look.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks suddenly. “You still wanna head out?”

“No.” You scratch Steve’s scalp and watch him melt down into the lounge chair. “This is fun.” His hand finally sides down to wrap around your thigh, holding you against him.

“Well Steve has told me something very interesting.”

“What’s that?”

“He’s got a little surprise I think you might enjoy.”

“Oh?” You grab a handful of hair and give Steve a light tug. “Did you bring me a gift?”

“It’s for all of us, actually.”

2 am and the party continues outside the heavy door to Steve’s bedroom. No one blinks an eye when you pull Eddie through the doorway minutes after Steve disappears in there. Not even a knock when Eddie kicks it closed and spins you around to face him.

“You sure about this?” He asks quietly, walking you backwards into the room.

“Absolutely.” You grin, nodding at him.

“Positive?” He holds your gaze to make sure you know he’s serious. Your hands clamp around his face and you pull him in close.

“Yes Eddie.”

Steve’s solid chest bumps into your back, the sweetness of his cologne bursting around you.

“You got it?” Eddie looks past you to ask Steve.

Steve huffs. “Yeah I got it.” He moves around behind you, digging something out of his pocket and his knuckles drag over your ass before his hand appears around you with a little twisted bag between his fingers. “You wanna do the honors?”

“Oh please, it’s your party.” Eddie plays with the hem of your skirt but he watches Steve untwist the bag. Eddie gives you a peck when he catches you trying to turn your head, pulls at your hips to make you face Steve and that self assured grin is present when Eddie holds you still.

“You ever done this before?” Steve asks when he holds up the baggie, eyes dropping to your lips.

“Uh, once. Didn’t really like it.” You watch him work while Eddie stands behind you and runs his hands right up under your skirt. He laughs into your neck and his breath slides under the ripped up collar of your t-shirt. “I don’t think I was with the right people.” You stare at Steve while he dips his index finger into the powder.

“You’ve never done this together?”

“Nope.” Eddie answers for you, his face peeking into your periphery. “Strictly a weed and liquor household, like god intended.” His laugh sends a zap through you, slowed and tingly against your current high. “Isn’t that right baby?” His hand sneaks up under your jaw where his fingers press into your cheeks making your lips purse and part slightly. When Steve’s fingertip grazes your bottom lip you open wider and both men laugh.

“Eager.” Steve says before his finger pushes past your lips and rubs down the side of your gums. The taste is an immediate bitter tang followed by the salt of his skin and you grunt quietly, closing your lips around him. “You’re telling me she’s not a natural at this?” Steve looks past you to Eddie, ignoring you tonguing his finger.

“Not with coke, but she���s real good with things in her mouth, aren’t you?” Eddie’s hand runs down the front of your throat and you hum in agreement. Steve’s finger pops out of your mouth and dips back into the powder, swirling around while he watches from half lidded eyes Eddie kissing along the back of your neck.

“One more.” He promises with a smile and when his finger dips into your mouth again you start to feel the tingle along your gums, something that dances up along your cheeks and zips through your hairline. It fights against the sluggish feeling of the weed and lights up a part of your brain that was trying its best to stay focused through the liquor. Steve is eyeing Eddie while the latter pushes up your shirt, an exchange again made through glances. Steve barely gets his finger out before his mouth is on you, his tongue pushing past your lips to chase your new high.

He’s so warm everywhere. His lips against yours and his chest pressing in and his hands that go right for your jaw those long fingers in the strands at the nape of your neck that give you a shiver up your spine and Eddie must feel those goosebumps when they sprout, they appear so fast and right under his lips and—

“Hey,” Eddie says, turning your head to the side “take a breath.” He breaks your kiss and you whine at the missing warmth of Steve’s soft mouth. “Yeah I know.” He soothes, running a thumb down your cheek. “You still gotta breathe.”

You roll your eyes and take a deep, dramatic breath to show him you still can. Beside you Steve sniffs off the back of his hand before he attaches himself to the side of your neck. His tongue trails over your pulse and Eddie holds your gaze and your chin before he leans in to kiss you.

The coke makes you less hazy, takes the soft edge of the weed and brings it into focus. The feel of Steve’s lips moving up your neck and Eddie’s fingers around your chin. His tongue in your mouth and his other hand slowly tugging up your skirt and Steve’s big palms running up your sides. You can hear the thump of the music outside that feels like it’s trying to keep up with your heartbeat.

There’s a hand pulling at your shirt, pulling it over your head and a hand running up the side of your neck and you hold onto the front of their shirts. You have the distinct feeling of floating while you get pulled and pushed and somewhere in the flurry of caresses you whine into Eddie’s kiss.

A break of lips on your skin and Steve’s shirt hits the floor and then your skirt is getting pushed down to meet them. The strappy set you’d picked out last minute, with all its crisscrossing bands over your hips and across your chest, form a rude arrow between your tits to guide their eyes.

Eddie stares and runs a fingertip under one of the bands to snap it. “Special occasion?”

You don’t answer him, too busy trying to get at his buttons to get his shirt off too. Those tattoos sing at you to be seen and you want to see the starkness of Eddie against Steve’s sun kissed shoulders.

Behind you Steve slides a hand up over your bra and the other down your spine, his lips on the back of your neck. It takes you a second to realize he’s trying to get you to the bed but Eddie notices and changes his stance. He knows how to move you around when he wants and he grabs you around the ribs to give you a push. It’s like all your other games now especially when Eddie starts to follow you back as you shimmy towards the pillows.

The clink of a belt buckle reminds you that Steve is still here. He holds out the baggie to Eddie. “Before you loose track.”

You notice it then, the lack of inebriation in Eddie. Sure he’d been a little toasted from the drive but while he made his rounds it seems like you and Steve were the only ones drinking.

“Actually, come here.” Eddie takes the coke but stops crawling toward you, instead sitting up on his knees and motioning for Steve. “Let me try something.”

Steve can’t get out of his jeans fast enough. He almost trips in his eagerness and Eddie uses it to his advantage. Steve’s flipped on his back with a laugh and all you can do is watch, fascinated with whatever Eddie has planned.

“Do you remember that time we all came up to see you play in college? Like all of us, I think it was the game you tore your shoulder.” Eddie looks down at Steve getting comfortable and throwing his arms out to the side. “That party the night before? What was that girls name?”

“Becca.” Steve says, shifting his gaze to look at you. “Stupid college fling.”

You nod wordlessly and start trying to unhook your bra without moving much. Eddie laughs and holds the baggie open so he can dip his finger in.

“Ah, Becca. She broke up with you the night before a championship game dude. That was cold.” Eddie acts like he’s swirling candy through sugar the way he twirls his finger around but the way you and Steve watch him it might as well be. “Remember how like, no one could find you in the morning? They thought you had gone off and drank yourself stupid over a girl, but where were you again?”

Steve just laughs but you want to know, you want to be in on the joke. Like most times it feels like Eddie hears your thoughts and he turns those big eyes full of mirth to you.

“He was actually passed out in the back of my van, naked.” Eddie gestures at Steve wearing only his boxers and smiling up at him. “This kind of reminded me of that.”

Eddie hovers over Steve, finger ghosting over his lips. “Open.” Steve’s grin splits and Eddie’s claw disappears behind white teeth. Dark ringed eyes flick up to find you where you’ve gone still against the pillows. He looks unbelievably wicked in this room, the gold shimmer on his lips barely mused from kissing you. He must have tossed the small fangs earlier but his mouth still poises danger while Steve sucks on his finger.

You finally find the momentum to drive off the pillows and over to the two of them just as Eddie follows his finger in with his lips. Steve lets a soft moan escape before Eddie covers his mouth with his own, gold staining pink.

You drop your shoulders mid crawl to stretch your hand into Steve’s hair again. You run it through the roots while you stare at them kissing, Steve groaning in the back of his throat when you pull.

“Like that?” You whisper so you don’t break their spell and Steve nods as he looks for something to hang on to. His fingers catch on your bicep and in Eddie’s hair and he’s anchored, hips rolling up into nothing while you tug on the crown of his head.

There’s a little bit of time that seems to slip away from you. One moment you’re watching Eddie take Steve apart and the next he’s moved you again, his arm slung around your middle to pull you flush against his chest, your underwear clutched in his fist, your thoughts soft

Steve watches Eddie’s tattooed hand slide gently around the front of your neck and he knows he’s in trouble. It’s both of you really, not just Eddie, driving him insane. He tilts your head back onto his shoulder and smiles down at you with what Steve thinks is pure adoration. When Eddie shifts his attention to Steve there’s a swooping low in his abdomen at the thought of being let in on whatever this is.

“Wanna help me out?” Eddie tilts his head toward you and that’s when Steve realizes that both you and him are fully naked. Clothes shed in the fast moments between kisses and yet Eddie still has his jeans on. Steve could break out his machismo here, could challenge this and let it be over quick and fast and typical or he could let the reigns go for a night. He thinks about letting himself not be in charge as Eddie moves above him while nudging you forward, knees straddling his hips and before he knows it he’s almost fucking you.

“That feel good baby?” Eddie’s teeth glint in the low light when he bites lightly at your cheek and leaves another mark of red and gold. You laugh breathily and nod your head, pushing your hips down just a little and the head of Steve’s cock pushes in. Both of you gasp and Steve thinks he feels a tear escape. The immediate wet surrounding him and the little display Eddie is putting on above him goes right to his balls and for a moment he thinks he won’t last past this. Eddie’s other hand trails down your stomach, fingers seeking further and further until they reach your bush and the gold rings distract Steve for just a second before they sink into your folds.

You crumple and slide down his cock further and Steve is trying to be respectful, as respectful as he can be, but he’s testing his own limits. A swift buck of his hips and he’d be home.

“I think you should give Steve a break, he looks like he’s loosing brain cells.” Eddie keeps you pressed to him, head lolled back and mouth open and panting, hips searching out his teasing fingers on your clit. “C’mon, give it up for Stevie.” He fake pouts at you and then turns it on Steve.

“Fuck you Ed-“ He’s cut off by the fall of your hips now seated flush against him. Everything about you is warm and wet and soft and amplified. His hands fist into the sheets beside him in an attempt to keep them to himself for the first time tonight, an attempt that Eddie calls out.

“You can touch her Steve, she isn’t gonna break.” He demonstrates this by digging his fingers in a little around your neck and you squeeze around Steve in response. “You want him to touch you, right?”

“Please.”

“Oh, she’s asking so nicely.”

Steve tries to think back to the first time he ever made a passing comment about you and wishes he could kick himself. He’d gone into this night with one other threesome under his belt, some half met happenstance from ten years ago. It’d been sloppy and messy and he’d bent the two girls around to his will but this? He’s unprepared. Any and all of his personal history with Eddie should have given him some kind of clue, but the two of you really are nothing but a flashing red light of trouble.

Your knees dig into his sides while one hand ghosts over his abdomen, looking for purchase. Eddie still holds you close but keeps his eyes on Steve, a suggestion in his gaze.

“Go ahead.” Eddie purrs and Steve finds himself lost in more than just his high. If he didn’t know any better he’d be convinced of his friend’s true nature, a pest of a demon hellbent on driving Steve certifiably insane. However he finds his hands running hot over your thighs and up your sides, over your stomach and under the swell of your breast. Anywhere he can run his hands over the soft skin you’d kept barely hidden all night, skin that he’d been staring at.

Eddie chuckles when Steve finds a nipple, a fierce pinch to it making you gasp and roll your hips and Steve can’t help himself anymore. He grips and thrusts up to punch a sharp moan out of you. Eddie’s fingers stay buried in your cunt and splayed across your throat to keep you pinned to his chest. Steve’s immediate fast pace makes you bounce and he’s transfixed when Eddie sneaks a finger into your hanging mouth to hold your jaw open.

“You should hear her.” He drops a kiss to the corner of your mouth before letting go, lowering you to lay on Steve’s chest. A whine comes from you, a deep sound that pitches up when Steve shifts to hold you in place. He already sits so deep but when he winds his arm around your neck to hold you close you gasp. You can feel Eddie move on the bed, can feel his hand run over your ass, can feel the brush of his suddenly freed cock along your inner thigh. Steve adjust you so your cheek is flat against him and pulls at your hip to spread you open for Eddie.

“Fuck now isn’t that a pretty sight?” His thumb is rough against such sensitive skin when he glides it around your cunt. You try to move your hips as much as you can but the angle you’re at only affords you short rolls of your hips.

“Oh you can do better than that for Steve, can’t you?” Eddie teases and you whine into Steve’s chest.

“He’s being mean isn’t he?” Steve whispers to you. They both laugh at your groan but Steve shushes you, palm rubbing over the back of your neck where he holds you down. “I’ll be the nice one then, huh?”

Struck dumb by the feeling of Eddie pushing forward ever so slightly, all you can do is nod. He tilts your chin up to hold your gaze, his pupils blown out wide and dark and you wonder if yours look just as big.

“Can I—“ Cut off by the feeling of something cold dripping on your ass you almost sit up out of Steve’s grip before Eddie giggles a quiet apology and tosses a little bottle of lube over the side of the bed.

“What do you want?”

“Coke.” The zing is fading and you want to feel it again. The race of goosebumps across your bared flesh. The tingle over your scalp as Steve’s finger glides along your teeth.

Eddie laughs and reaches over to grab the bag and hand it to Steve, tasking him with your request. Still held in place, Steve brings his finger, wet now and dipped in white again, back to your mouth. His finger rubs your gums again and the head of his cock nudging deep and the feel of Eddie’s pressing where Steve already is and you don’t know how much more full you can get. It’s a stretch just with Steve but the insistent pressure from Eddie, the feel of his cockhead popping in makes your breath catch. He’s being careful, just so careful but that need to feel everything and move and moan takes over again and Eddie puts a heavy hand on your back.

“Breathe, baby.”

Instead you whine, held between two solid bodies that keep you still, that stroke your spine and run rough fingers into your hair to keep you from spinning out.

“That’s a pretty sound.” Steve says lowly and out of the corner of your eye you watch him hold his hand up to Eddie who sucks that same finger into his mouth.

The thought is brought to the forefront of your mind quickly, the image so clear and grounding, of Eddie sucking your purple strap. It stops the other spinning thoughts and that initial head rush fades. Against Steve’s chest you mumble about Eddie’s pretty sounds, dazedly watching Steve’s long finger pop out from between those gold lips.

“What was that?” Steve sounds a little breathless.

“Eddie makes pretty sounds too.” The images shuffle in your brain. “When I fuck him he whines and it’s like he’s about to cry or something it’s almost too much.” Behind you Eddie laughs and thrust his hips and you choke on your words, his cock pushing further in and stretching you more. Steve’s laugh turns into a hiss and the hand on your neck clamps down when Eddie’s cock rubs against his.

“Keep talking.” Eddie is breathless but still the only one not blissed out. “You gonna tell him how good I look sucking dick?” He rocks his hips forward gently and ghosts a palm over your lower back. “Steve already knows about that, don’t you big guy?” Eddie teases before leaning over you to catch Steve’s eye. The smear of gold on his bottom lip drives Eddie crazy and the laugh turned stuttered moan when he drives deeper into you makes him wish he had more than just two hands.

“Or maybe Steve can tell you about when I’d drive out for those big parties.”

You like it when Eddie’s gets mouthy. When he starts sparring to get the upper hand. You’re smiling into Steve’s chest with just the barest glimpses of Eddie above you. He rocks in and out of the corner of your vision and under your ear you can hear the rumble of Steve trying his best to keep it together.

“Remember almost getting caught in the frat your freshman year? What a bunch of dumbasses.” Eddie’s laugh has an edge to it now and your chest swells with some kind of pride that he’s finally starting to falter.

“Yeah…b-because you c-couldn’t shut up.” Steve finally speaks, his hips starting to falter the slow rhythm he’d been keeping up. “It’s why we had to mo-ve to the van.”

Eddie’s hand appears when he lays his whole body on you so he can reach for Steve’s hair to give it a tug. The change in angle and Steve’s moans cancel out any quip you were trying to cobble together, a calm instead seeping in as the coil low in your abdomen begins to tighten. Eddie runs his mouth but you can’t pay attention to him with the way him and Steve seem to work in tandem for a blissful moment.

It’s too much and it’s not enough and you pant and whine and scratch at Steve’s chest. There’s no more rhythm then, just the snapping of their hips against you while they race to their own ends. Steve grips you hard before he slams his hips up one last time and stills, a long groan from deep in his chest your only warning before he cums. It’s a chain reaction of Steve going boneless and Eddie cursing behind you, picking up pace and bullying that tender spot enough to make you seize up. It sneaks up on you so fast, makes you loose your breath for a moment. A leg shaking orgasm, your fingers wound tightly enough in Steve’s hair to make him hiss, all you can hear is the guttural groan coming from you and Eddie’s praise. It tumbles out of his mouth with little sense and you know he’s done in when his thumbs rub tight, fast circles on your hip before he stills.

Hearing and speech aren’t really a thing for you yet but you do grunt in appreciation when Steve seems to come to some of his senses and reaches up to pull the stupid horns off of Eddie’s head that’s resting between your shoulder blades.

“Thanks.” Eddie’s breath fans over your sweaty skin and he makes no attempt at moving yet. Someone has fingers in your hair, you can’t tell, and Eddie is rubbing his face against you and giving you little kisses along your shoulder. Steve’s breathing is finally calming down and in turn it makes you even out too, realizing how sticky you are everywhere.

“I hate to break this up,” Your voice is scratchy and small coming from between them, “but I need to go to the bathroom.”

You stumble back into the room, falling down into the bedding and Eddie slithers up from where he was sitting at the foot of the bed to leave a trail of kisses all the way up. He winds himself between your legs and drapes them over his hips and continues to leave kisses up your stomach and over the peeling prosthetic on your chest. He dots your neck and cheeks and all around your mouth before he finally gives you a real kiss. He makes you giggle with his doting and when he tries to put your underwear back on for you but the straps outwit him. Instead he tugs on the sheet beneath you and tucks in around you, leaving your clothes on the floor for later.

“Do you need anything?” He says it quietly, thinking Steve is dozing beside you. “Other than water I mean.”

You’re tired and achey and still high from various things and all you can think to ask for is: “Crackers.”

“In bed?” Eddie gives you an unbelieving look but when you just grin sleepily at him he shrugs. “I won’t kick you out.” He gets up slowly and kicks stuff around on the floor to find his own shirt when the shifting of bed springs grabs his attention. Steve is seemingly trying to sneak out of the bed without saying anything, keeping his back to the two of you while he toes his underwear over to himself.

Eddie waits for some kind for acknowledgement but when it doesn’t come he clears his throat lightly. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He says it like he’s surprised that you and Eddie are still there. “I’m gonna get out of your hair…I gotta make sure no one set anything on fire and like, find Rob…” He looks around for his pants and won’t meet Eddie’s eyes.

“I’m just going to get water, you don’t have to leave. It’s your room anyways.”

“Well I’m not kicking you guys out.”

“Steve.” You don’t mean to admonish him but that’s what happens. With the sheet tucked up around your chest you pull on the slack to show the other side of the bed. “Get back in here.”

He doesn’t move, just sighs deeply and reaches for his cigarettes.

“I’m serious.”

Eddie watches you point at the empty spot with some finality and he almost tells Steve it’s in his best interest to listen to you.

“I just—“

“It’s cold. I’m cold. Get back in the bed.” You slap the pillow. “Please.”

Steve does look at Eddie then with concern and all Eddie can do is chuckle. “I’d get back in there unless you like spit in your iced lattes for the next however long.” He leaves for the promised water and Steve sits on the edge of the bed and acts like you’re making him go to the dentist.

“Hey, if you want to leave you can, I was trying to be funny.”

“I didn’t want to intrude.” Steve sighs and throws himself back onto the pillow. “You guys were having a moment.”

You pull a confused face. “Do I need to remind you what we were just doing?”

“No.” Steve laughs.

“Because I can’t give you graphic detail but I can tell you that I got pretzeled up pretty good.” You reach over to rub a hand over his chest, running your fingers through the dark curls. Eddie sneaks back in and you notice the music isn’t at the level it was when you came in here.

Around the blinds is a light blue border bleeding in and you would really like to bury your head under the covers and keep petting Steve. Eddie makes you drink water though before anyone can get comfortable, even bullies Steve into finishing his. Eddie does his normal and climbs into bed to immediately lay half on your back, his arm flung over to mess with Steve until he relents and tilts his head over so Eddie can twirl a strand around.

Tucked between the two of them you’re almost asleep when you remember something from the heat of it all and you shake with silent laughter.

“What?” Eddie asks and Steve gives you a half awake eyebrow raise.

“You know he’s a tiefling right?”

That wakes Steve up a little. “What?”

“Yeah, his tiefling bard. You called him a demon earlier and it made me laugh.”

Steve sighs and ignores your sleep talk and you try to expound but the heavy, comforting weight of Eddie and Steve’s warm chest under your palm cut you off before you even realize you’ve fallen asleep.

[marvelouslizzie]

Why Are You Doing This To Me?

summary: Your ex-boyfriend Bucky Barnes wrote two songs about (for) you and you don’t know what to do.

pairing: Ex!Rockstar!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

warnings: Angst, a past failed relationship, pettiness, jealousy, anger, a lot of emotions, no mention of y/n.

word count: 2.3K

A/N: I have been away for a while because I was busy learning another language aka Dutch. I still am but at least I am done with my big exam. As soon as I was done with it, I found myself writing again.

This is a random idea that just popped into my head while listening to music and taking a walk. Pure angst for some reason. Usually, I go for smutty ideas but bear with me.

>> indicates incoming messages and << indicates outgoing messages in this story.

Thank you @notafunkiller for proofreading and editing this so fast ❤️

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Keep reading tag starts after the second paragraph of the story.

>> Hey! I know you don’t want to hear anything about Bucky, but I think you should check these out. I think he wrote these songs for you.

Two links from Spotify follow the text you received from one of your best friends, and you stare for a while, trying to decide what to do. You really don’t want to hear his voice. Not because you don’t like his singing or his songs, but you wanted to get back on your feet. It would be impossible if you kept listening to his songs. Besides, hearing his voice has always softened you. And your best friend knows this. She knows a lot about your relationship, how everything went down, and how you two eventually broke up. If she didn't think you should listen to these songs, she wouldn't be sending you these links, right?

You take a deep breath and click on the first link. The song starts to play, and you notice the soft vibe right away. It’s not particularly Bucky’s style. He sounds like he’s in pain but he's singing with such clarity that surprises you.

He talks about how much he regrets the things he didn’t do when he was with you. How he misses you so much every day. How much he wants to call you, but he’s afraid that you won’t pick up the phone or worse, you will talk to him like a stranger. He says he always knew how precious you were, yet he took you for granted.

The lyrics flow flawlessly. It sounds like poetry to your ears. The way he expressed himself so beautifully… You can’t believe he wrote such a heartfelt song about you, and it’s not even his style. He’s a freaking rockstar. He usually writes about sex, rock and roll, and drugs. Not feelings. Then the song finally reaches the chorus and his words make you freeze. 

“You are the love of my love.”

Did he really just say that? Did he just call you the love of his life? You feel this rush of emotions, and it’s hard to distinguish what you are actually feeling. It makes it harder to think, harder to focus on anything else other than the fact that this song is for you. That’s when you notice the name of the song. It’s the Love of My Life.

Suddenly, you start to feel angry. Every other emotion just takes a backseat. You hate him. So fucking much! Why is he always like this? Saying everything a little too late. Was it so hard for him to tell you this when you wanted to find just one reason to stay with him? You begged him to communicate with you maybe a million times. He always said it was not easy for him to put his feelings into words. Good or bad. It didn’t matter. He always struggled with his emotions. You tried your best. You tried to show him that he could trust you, that you would always be there for him, but it didn’t matter in the end. You felt like you were the only one trying to make this relationship work.

That’s when you decided to give up. It felt like he just didn’t care enough. He didn’t put any effort into changing things or making you feel like you weren’t just beating a dead horse.

You hoisted the white flag and moved on with your life. That’s when he decides to put whatever he feels into words. Instead of talking to you, he makes a song about it. Then he puts it out into the world. 

What a fucking asshole!

It takes you a while to realize the song is over as the silence fills the room. As much as you hate how he chose to do this, the silence disturbs you. It might be a little too late, but you still want to hear what he has to say. Your own rules about not listening to any of his songs instantly go out the window.

You open the messaging app and click on the second link. This one sounds a little bit more like his usual style. The name of the song though, instantly catches your attention this time. It’s one of the nicknames he used often for you. 

He starts the song by saying that he knows how selfish he is. That he has no right to feel this way, but he just saw you with someone else and he hated how it made him feel. He talks about how jealous he is. How he can’t help but imagine you in that guy’s arms. Then he realized you might call him baby, just like you used to call him. Then he continues by begging you not to call him baby, how he wants you to save that pet name for him even though he’s not in your life anymore.

There are so many details throughout the song that indicate he’s talking about you, there is no mistaking. He calls you by your nickname, saying how he loves the way you talk passionately about your interests, how compassionate you are, and how much effort you put into maintaining your relationship but he was too stupid and pathetic to appreciate them.

Every word that comes out of his mouth makes you even angrier. How dare he? How dare he write a song like this for you? After everything you have been through, after all the effort you put into your relationship, after every heartbreak… He realizes how much he values you just because he saw you with someone else.

Selfish bastard!

He has no right to put these words out there. He has no right to feel jealous. You are not his anymore. You can call someone else baby if that’s what you want. How dare he try to dictate to you like this? It makes you wanna call someone up and go out on another date and call him baby, just in spite.

The problem is, it’s just your stubborn nature talking. Before this song, you didn’t even think about calling someone else baby. You didn’t feel like it. Subconsciously, you were reserving that pet name for him. And that fucker knew it. He just knew it!

You exhale deeply, trying to calm yourself down. The song is over, but you can still hear him singing in your head. The song is so beautiful. Petty but so fucking beautiful. He sounds like he poured his heart out without caring how vulnerable it makes him look. 

Another deep breath, you try to understand which date he is talking about. You have been on a couple of dates since you two broke up. You were so dedicated to moving on. You didn’t care if it would hurt him. Because he didn’t care about how much he hurt you all those times you tried your hardest to make things work. So you went out with a couple of gentlemen. Some of them were decent, and some of them were downright horrible. Dating is just as tedious as you remembered. A lot of assholes out there who don’t care who they are hurting. You didn’t get hurt, though. You didn't care enough about any of them to give them the power to hurt you.

Then it finally hits you. He’s talking about your date with that motherfucking movie star! That one was big news for a while. You got photographed two, maybe three times together.

You really looked like you were having fun in those photos. Truthfully, you were, he was such a funny guy. He knew how to make fun of himself. You were just so tired of pretentious asses. It was refreshing. That’s why you said yes to a second and a third date. Then he was off to a European country to shoot his next movie. You had a fun and it was more than enough for you. 

You precisely remember that tabloids started to talk about how perfect you two were for each other. God, that must have gotten under his skin. You can’t help but laugh. He’s so predictable. He just couldn’t bear to see you with someone else, but can you blame him?

You remember seeing something similar about him, but in that case, he wasn’t on a date with the girl. They were just working together for some lame-ass project he would normally despise. Maybe he was trying to keep himself busy, who knows? You remember so vividly how she was looking at him like she wanted to eat him up. As if that wasn’t enough, she kept praising him, calling him the best rockstar of the century just to get in his pants. You have no idea if it worked or not, but it was enough to make you feel jealous. So can you blame him for feeling the same?

It just makes you realize you want to listen to those songs again. It’s maybe too little too late but you still want to hear him. You wanted him to talk about his feelings for such a long time and he’s finally doing it. Through a song but still, he’s doing it. It isn’t exactly communicating because communication must be two-sided, right? That’s what was missing in your relationship. You were talking, pleading, trying while he was keeping everything in. You feel like the roles are reversed. Now he’s the one talking, pleading, and trying, and you just don’t know what to do. How the tables have turned.

The second time around, you notice other details you missed the first time. Like peaceful walks you took together whenever you had the time or how you always used fake names when you two traveled together. You can’t help but miss those days. Even though you had problems, being with him always felt so safe and peaceful. You have no idea how he managed to make you feel that way. Maybe that’s why it took you so long to end the relationship. You still miss the way you felt back then. As if you two could overcome anything together, yet you couldn’t. Because you didn’t work together. You were alone, struggling to make him talk.

Then he talks about how he still speaks to your friends, and that makes him miss you even more. That part surprises you because none of your friends mentioned that they were still seeing Bucky. Is that because you didn’t let them ever talk about him? You feared if you let yourself talk or think about him, you would go back to the point zero.

He ends the song saying he doesn't want you to be a distant memory, and this sticks with you. Do you want him to be a distant memory?

The second time you listen, you notice how desperate he sounds. The way he pleads doesn’t anger you anymore. You find something you feel in his words. Your own fears, your own selfishness and oh, how much you miss him. You didn’t let yourself admit that you miss him. You thought acting like he never existed, he was never a part of your life would make everything easier and it did. Just for a while. Lately, it was just a burden. You tried so hard to keep everything inside. Just like he did. You are still trying to do it… to act logically, not emotionally. Does it mean you are making the same mistake he did? Shutting yourself down, not talking about your feelings. Is it the solution or is it a part of the mistake? You can’t tell anymore. You just know that your heart is aching. The sound of his voice makes you want to cry.

God, you hate him so much!

How could he do this to you after all this time?

Is it that easy to get under your skin or was he always there?

You feel like you are about to explode because of all the emotions you are going through. On one hand, Bucky communicating with you is everything you wanted. On the other hand, isn’t it too late? And why did he write not one but two songs about you? Declaring his love to the world…

You repeat that last bit in your head. He’s declaring his love to the world.

He’s no longer afraid to talk about his emotions. He wants you to hear them, millions of other people are just the bonus. He’s not afraid to show how fucking miserable he feels. He just wants you back.

He’s doing his bit in communicating, but unless you don’t do something about it, it won’t matter. It will be another attempt in vain. You aren’t sure if you want to repeat the same pattern. You notice the song is over when your phone chimes. It’s your best friend again.

>> Did you listen?

<< Yeah.

>> How are you feeling?

<< Confused.

<< Are you still talking to him?

>> Yeah we all are.

<< Why didn’t you tell me that?

>> You said you didn’t wanna hear anything about him and we just respected your decision.

Just like you thought. You can’t blame them. Anytime someone mentioned anything remotely related to Bucky, you either changed the subject or found a reason to leave. So you can’t help but wonder…

<< How is he doing?

>> Not great. He misses you.

<< I miss him too.

>> Are you gonna call him?

You look at the message for a long minute. Are you gonna call him? That’s the question. Maybe you should. Maybe you shouldn’t. Both of the options sound equally wrong. You have no idea what to do.

<< I don’t know what to do.

>> Just give him a call. He’s the love of your life.

You have no idea how long you have looked at that text. Maybe for a couple of minutes, maybe for an hour. 

He’s the love of your life.

He’s a bastard, but he really is the love of your life.

And you are the love of his life.

Where do you go from here? You look at your phone once again. You finally know what to do.

[kkami-writes]

waiting for us — chapter fifty four. waiting for us wc. 2k a/n. name drop!!!! ok but that being said this is a VERY heavy chapter dealing with very sensitive topics. please read through the tw and be safe. tl;dr at the end. TW!!! negligent parents, brief mention of abortion, brief mention of religion, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, violent acts, mentions of self-harm and attempted suicide also i'm not entirely sure how I should tag this, but there is a part where yn has her clothes ripped off of her without consent, but it is not in a sexual way (?) or for the purpose of doing something sexual.

You stand just outside the door of 3RACHA’s (and hyunjin’s) apartment, and your quite certain that your heart is going to pound itself straight through your chest. Perhaps there is a brief moment where you consider just running for it but you think better of it. A half empty duffel bag sits on your shoulder and there’s a ratty backpack that hangs loosely off of you. Maybe you’d find it sad that your whole life could fit into two measly bags, but you couldn’t deny that it was just easier this way. You had left nothing behind, wiping your entire existence out of that place and you would not look back.

When you finally gather the courage to knock on the door, your knuckles barely make a sound while they rap against the wood. Yet the moment your hand makes contact with the door, it’s swinging open and Felix throws himself into your embrace. You almost lose your balance but Felix makes sure you don’t fall backwards, clinging almost painfully to you.

He pulls back to ask if you’re okay since you were later than you said you’d be, but the words die on his tongue at the sight of you. There’s nothing different from you besides the bright red mark decorating your cheek.

“YN? What happened? Who hurt you?” He questions, voice going almost impossibly deeper. The thought of someone putting their hands on you fills him with anger. You actually almost don’t know what he’s talking about before remembering the parting gift your mother had given you before you left.

“Oh. This. Don’t worry about it,” You mumble, acting rather nonchalant as you attempt to get past Felix and into the apartment but he doesn’t let you get too far, grasping gently at your wrist to pull you back.

“No seriously. Who hurt you yn? What’s up with the bags?” He fires out questions, now just realizing the two bags you had with you.

“I was hoping I could stay the night. Or a few. Or forever,”

The silence between you is deafening.

“Yn” You hate (love) the way you shudder at the way he says your name in that deep tone of his.

“I might have, um, run away from home?”

“WHAT?” He yells at that effectively alerting the rest of the boys of your presence.

“Lix? Is that YN? What’s going on?” Chan’s voice filters through the apartment, getting louder the closer he gets. You finally move past Felix, leaving your bags by the door for now.

“Lixie, I’ll explain everything ok? I don’t want to have to keep repeating myself over and over again,” You beg the boy with an almost desperate lilt to your voice, giving him big puppy eyes for added ammo just in case. He sighs and let’s it go for now, letting you drag him towards the couches.

But of course, even if Felix had dropped it, the other’s wouldn’t; immediately demanding to know who hit you as soon as they see your red cheeks. As much as you appreciate their concern, the swirl of emotions you’ve been feeling for hours already has you on edge and you’re so close to snapping.

“GUYS” You raise your voice and the effect is immediate, all of them quieting down and staring back at you. “It’s ok, I promise. I barely feel it. It was the first time my mom hit me anyway,” At that they all start asking questions again, talking over each other but one glare from you shuts them up again. “Please. I’m here to explain okay? So please, let me tell you everything before you guys start asking a million questions,” You plead, tired and scared of the can of worms you were potentially about to open. But you also know how much you need this. You just couldn’t keep it in anymore.

The boys all gather onto the couch and the seats next to it, with you sat in the middle next to Felix and Jisung, one on either side of you. Both of them are close enough that you can feel their thighs pressed to yours. It helps to keep you grounded while you try to take a deep breath but it just comes out shaky. Jisung slides his hand into yours, giving it a squeeze before giving you a reassuring nod.

“I was an accident. My mom somehow managed to get pregnant even though my dad had a vasectomy after they had my brother. Despite not wanting another child, they decided to have me anyway for whatever reason. We’re not religious or anything so she could have just gotten an abortion. I’ll never know why they decided to have me.

Growing up the abuse was mostly verbal. An insult here or there, mostly reminding me I wasn’t wanted or needed. My brother of course was the worst with his words but overall it really wasn’t that bad. For the most part they ignored my existence, which was honestly fine with me. It….only got worse after I turned 16. When I got my soulmark,” Your hands are shaking in Jisung’s firm grip while Felix scoots closer for comfort, nuzzling his cheek against your shoulder. You are so thankful for them.

“Both of my parents are blanks and so is my brother. So it was only natural that I assumed that I would be a blank as well. So imagine my surprise when it turns out I have 8 soulmates,” You let out a small snort, head shaking softly.

“I’m know you’re all probably thinking that I freaked out or panicked about having so many soulmates with how I reacted when we met, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” You make brief eye contact with Jeongin who has a confused expression on his fox-like face.

“For the first time, hope bloomed in my chest. My original plan was to leave when I turned 18, as soon as I could, but I didn’t really know what I would do. I would be all alone, no soulmate and experiencing the real world for the first time. But now, I finally felt like I had a purpose. To find my soulmates. I couldn’t believe that I would have 8 soulmates. 8 people who would love me. Who would want me” your voice cracks at those last words, tears burning in your eyes. Hyunjin looks like he’s not too far behind with his own tears threatening to fall.

“Of course I had lied to my parents about my soulmark, just saying I was a blank. It was easy since they didn’t really care but I had the suspicion that my brother didn’t believe me. I used to stand in front of my mirror staring at my soulmark, tracing over your names, dreaming about what life would be like with you guys,” Felix clings a little harder to you. “It was my only solace in that prison, that one day I would be where I belonged,”

“One day my brother…he caught me looking at my mark. He-“ Your eyes close in pain as the tears run down your cheeks. You squeeze at Jisung’s hands who haven’t lefts yours yet as you take in a deep breath. “He dragged me to the living room by my hair, yelling at my parents that I was a lying whore. That I was some kind of greedy slut for having so many soulmates. He pushed me to the ground and…he- he,” You choke on your tears before you feel someone patting your cheeks dry with tissues. You look up to see Minho, his eyes soft and sad as he continues to dry the tears leaking from your eyes. The other boys that were not on the couch have abandoned their seats in favor of being closer to you. Seungmin is on the floor, stroking at your calves soothingly, while Hyunjin does the same on your other side.

“He ripped my skirt off and…he….he took a lighter and….and-“ You can’t even finish the sentence before you throw yourself in Seungmin’s embrace, sobbing into his shoulder as he holds you. The rest of the boys try to comfort you as you feel hands along your back and hair, soft soothing words being said into your ears. It takes you a few minutes to pull yourself together.

“’M sorry-“ You say with a sniffle, letting Minho clean your face as he insists on doing it himself.

“Don’t say sorry. You’ve had horrific things done to you. You are so strong,” Changbin says in a soft voice, contrasting his normally loud demeanor. His hands smooth your hair down.

You can hear the sniffles from Felix and Jisung who have starting sobbing silently, their hearts breaking for you. You let out a sigh because you’re not even done.

“After that…the abuse…got worse. It turned physical as my brother would take his anger out on me. My parents didn’t care about what he did to me. I slowly…became a shell of myself. I started turning to self harm because everything hurt so much that I needed something else to hurt so I didn’t have to think about anything else. Even though he didn’t sever our soulmark, I felt like I had let you down- that I let someone else disfigure our beautiful connection. I though about my soulmates who would probably never want someone as broken as I was. I felt so lost. So….on graduation night I-“ You tuck your head down in shame. “I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills,”

Everyone is deadly silent but you can hear Hyunjin and Jeongin joining in on the crying. Seungmin just holds you a little tighter.

“I had texted Minghao before I went through with it. Telling him that I was so grateful for his friendship and that him and Jun were the best friends I could ever ask for. Of course that man has some freaky 8th sense or something because I don’t think it took him more than five minutes to get to my house even though he lives twenty minutes away. He was yelling at me when he barged into my bathroom but I don’t remember much after that. I passed out and woke up in the hospital. Now that I was conscious Minghao throughly chewed my ass out though. The nurses had wanted to hospitalize me actually for mental health reasons but my parents refused and said something about how it was just an accident,”

“We thought you died,” Jeongin pipes up, his eyes red rimmed with tears as he sniffles.

“Your mark went gray and we all felt this sharp pain in our chests. That night we had mourned the loss of a soulmate that we thought we’d never get to meet. The relief we felt when your mark went back to black was unmatched. We had assumed you must have had an accident or something to have triggered the mark to react,”

The rest are eerily quiet, still waiting for you to continue your story.

“After I was discharged, my father had someone managed to score himself a promotion. Something about using a sob story about how his daughter was feeling lost being in a small town and needing to explore or some other bullshit. Either way we were suddenly packing and moving to seoul, not that my opinion mattered if I wanted to go or not.

My grades in school were actually pretty good. I really didn’t have anything better to do then study so It was surprisingly easy to get into seoul uni. And well….then I met Jeongin in Biology. Slowly the rest of you followed and wormed your way into my heart,” you smile fondly at the boys around you who smile back, even with tears stained cheeks.

“I really don’t care about the thread Yunjin posted, but my brother saw it and was not happy. He informed our parents and they let me have it. I just sat there taking it when I realized that I didn’t have to put up with this shit anymore. So I kinda just got up, grabbed my stuff and left…Figured you guys wouldn’t mind if I stayed,”

“Never ever. You do realize that now that you’re here we are never letting you go. Ever again,” Changbin whispers, squeezing you a little tighter. The boys are practically cutting off your oxygen but you can hardly care, feeling the love pouring out of them. You love them. You never want to be without them ever again.

“You have been so brave, so strong. We are so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you for waiting for us,”

tl;dr ! yn's parents find out about her soulmates via her brother who found out from the thread. while they chew her out, she realizes that she doesn't has to put up with this anymore and "runs" away (but not without her mother slapping her). she goes over to their apartment to tell them her story. yn was an "accident" and even though her parents didn't want another child, they went ahead with the birth anyway. they, along with her brother never let her forget that she was unwanted. both her parents and her brother are blanks and so she had assumed she would be too - but surprise, surpise. she has 8 soulmates. yn adored her mark and was excited for the day she would get to be with them. she'd spend time staring at her mark, memorizing their names. one day her brother catches her and gets so angry that he takes a lighter and burns her mark. after that yn falls into a deep depression and turns to self-harm in order to cope. still unable to take it and feeling like she let her soulmates down, she decides to take a bunch of sleeping pills. minghao is the one who finds her and saves her. the boys mention that they thought that she had died due to the mark reacting and turning grey. they were very happy when the mark went back to black. after her attempt, her father was able to get a promotion at work and moved their family to seoul, resulting in yn finally finding her soulmates.

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[cherriesncinnamon]

stress reliever / spencer reid x fem!reader

synopsis: your fellow profiler at the bau is stressed over a case. shoulders tight and room empty, you decide to relieve some of his tension.

warnings/tags: stressed spencer, grinding, blowjob, fem!reader.

word count: 1.1k.

a/n: tell me why this is literally the first thing i've written in a nearly year?! i've been so busy but i've missed this. rewatching criminal minds for the third time so thought i should treat myself to a lil spence smut.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"I just don't understand what I'm missing." Spencer announces, clutching his hair in his fists as he slumps down on a chair.

"Neither do any of us. This UnSub loves puzzles, clearly he's really good at them, too." I reassure. SSA Spencer Reid hates when he cannot figure something out. Not because he has a weak ego, but because he really should know.

"God, my head is killing me." He says, rubbing his temples gently with his thumb and forefinger.

"Probably because we've been up for over 24 hours. Hotch and the rest won't be back for at least another hour, a nap couldn't hurt." I suggest, tucking my knees up to my chest in my chair, preparing to drift off in under a minute.

"No. No, I have to figure out some of this, even just a little bit. We can't let this son-of-a-bitch roam free for another second." He picks himself up and looks at the board again, eyes squinting at the words until they're unintelligible.

I show up behind him, taking a look at the board for the fiftieth time that day to see if a few minutes away from it had altered my ability to solve the puzzles. It hadn't. I rest my hands on Spencer's shoulders, and he jolts at my touch. His muscles are tensed and knotted.

"Jesus, Spence. You need to lie down. We know better than anyone that stress does not make our jobs any easier." I urge, slowly massaging his shoulders in an empathetic way. Spencer shakes his head, turning to face me.

"Sleep will not relieve this stress." He replies, gaze fixed. He sighs deeply, looking down at me as if he's waiting for me to provide a solution I definitely don't have. If anyone has the mental equipment to solve this case, it's Spencer Reid.

I guide him over to a chair, sitting beside him. I take a swig of my cold tea and rest my head on my knees. He stares at me with those big brown eyes that are usually full of life - well, in Spencer's kind of way - that are now deadened and hollow. I rest my hand on his and he squeezes mine back with a smile.

This is the first time I'm seeing him smile in days. I look eagerly at his lips, not hesitating to reach out and kiss him. He, of course, kisses back, gripping the side of my face tightly.

There's always been a mutual attraction between the two of us, but neither have ever even thought of acting on it. Derek loves to call us Romeo and Juliet. I laugh; Spencer doesn't get the joke.

I pull his hair through my hands, tugging gently at his roots as our kiss intensifies. I'm so glad he cut that mane, swapping it out for something much better.

I feel myself drifting off to a blissful state when Spencer pulls away abruptly, leaving my lips alone. He grimaces at me, clearly fighting some internal demons I can't see. I know he's not the romantic type, so I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea. We don't exchange any words for a few seconds until he gives in and reaches into me. I refuse his kiss.

"Do you really want this, Spence?" I ask, to his contemplation. He thinks for a minute, breath heavily paced. I look down at the bulge in his pants, pulsating through the fabric.

"Well, it sure looks like it." I joke with a harmless laugh. Spencer sighs at me, covering himself with both of his hands. I take his wrist and remove it, lightly stroking him with my palm, much to his pleasure. He tips his head back in the chair from my slight touch, grinding his hips into my hand, eager for more.

Feeling brave, I push Spencer's chair out from under the table, making enough room for me to straddle his lap, placing myself on top of his clothed bulge. Spencer doesn't know where to look, his eyes pacing from my eyes, to my lips, to my breasts, and to my waist. I take his hands and place them on my hips for support.

He's hard against my crotch, so hard that I can tell he won't be able to hold on for long. I play on this, beginning to grind myself against him at a painfully slow pace. He moans out, licking his lips that are dry from his breathlessness. I run my fingers through the front of his hair, pushing the strands out of his face while starting to move faster.

Spencer's hands squeeze my hips, pushing me down further onto his length that is desperate for a release. His eyes alternate between open and closed, unsure whether to admire me or savour the sensation.

"Does that feel good?" I pry, peppering kisses on his supple neck. Spencer can barely mumble a mhm as he groans out more and more. I sense his closeness and remove myself, sliding down to under the table.

"What are you doing? Why'd you stop?" Spencer begs, sitting up in his chair. Looking up, I smile at him, making my way towards his zipper.

I unzip his pants and break the waistband of his black boxers, watching in arousal at his cock spring free. His tip is glazed in pre-cum, veins spiralled around his length, begging to be relieved. I'm shocked at his size, to be honest. I had always thought he would fit the stereotypes of geniuses, assumed that he was compensating for something with his intelligent. But clearly, he just hasn't had the opportunity to show anyone what he can do.

Without waiting a second longer, I lick his sensitive tip then take him into my slick mouth, observing his chest heave inhumanly fast as I move up and down his member, making sure to cover every single inch. Spencer rests his hand on the top of head, stroking my hair softly.

"God." He whispers, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and gripping the armrest of his chair. I use my free hand to stroke the delicate skin of his abdomen, sending goosebumps across his entire body. I can feel him pulsating in my mouth, so close to climax that it has to be uncomfortable.

I remove my mouth, now using both hands to jerk him. The wetness makes my hands glide on his cock, welcoming his finish.

Finishing on my blouse, Spencer takes a minute to catch his breath. He swiftly wipes himself with a tissue from the table, tucking his still half-hard length away.

"Feel better?" I ask, walking towards the door to wander to my office change my blouse before the team arrives.

"Much better."

[coquitokisses]

Heyy! Idk if you ever wrote something like this and if you don’t want to it’s fine but I had been obsessed with this idea of Steve dating a Taylor swift level of famous artist. And like they were keeping their relationship private from everyone until some paparazzi caught them together somewhere and the internet goes crazy with “miss americana and the america's golden boy” (iykyk)

Miss Americana and America's Golden Boy | Steve Rogers

Pairings: Steve Rogers x singer!female reader

Warnings/Tags: fluff, fluff and fluff lol

Word count: 568 (kinda short lol)

Summary: Reader and Steve have been dating for a few months now but for obvious reasons, they made the relationship public just yet because of their jobs. But those plans go to hell when some paparazzis get pictures of you and Steve.

A/n: hiii love! First of all, thank you so much for sending this and second, sorry I took so long to answer it, I had no idea how or what to write lmao but I finally took the time to think about something and just do it! I’m still not very convinced, but I think it’s kinda cute so here it is! (hope I was able to bring your idea to life lol <3 )

« The internet goes crazy after seeing pictures of Y/N Y/L/N with none other than Captain America walking out of a cafe! »

« America’s golden boy, Steve Rogers, spotted leaving a coffee shop in New York with the singer Y/N Y/L/N yesterday morning. »

« Captain America is no longer single and neither is our beloved Y/N Y/L/N! Both have been spotted walking out of a coffee shop in New York holding hands! »

“You’re fucking joking.” You stared at your phone shocked, you just wanted to scream

“You need to calm down.” Steve said

“Calm down?!” You turned to look at him “We’re everywhere! Everyone is talking about us!”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Are you aware of this? We’re two very recognized persons, do you know what people are gonna be saying?” You sat on the bed feeling very overwhelmed

Now on every event and everywhere you go the questions that everyone’s gonna be asking are about your relationship with Mr. Captain America.

“You have a lot of fans, they’re just gonna hate me.” You sighed

“Says the girl who’s been in the eye of fame for a decade.” He tilted his head slightly “If they’re gonna hate someone, is probably gonna be me.”

“Are you kidding? You’re America’s hero! Everybody loves you, babe.”

“And you’re one of the most listened and talented artists in the world, people love you too.” He said sitting next to you “And besides, I think it was time to tell the world, everyone at the compound was starting to get suspicious.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little because you knew that it was true, he has told you millions of times how Bucky or Natasha, even Tony, were questioning him about where he was at or why he always sneaked out and came back late at night.

“Yeah, it was probably time.” You looked at him and he just gave you a sweet little smile that made you feel a little better

You really couldn’t believe that you were dating the Captain America, it was absolutely crazy to even think about it. And he also couldn’t believe that he was dating you. One of the most recognized singers in the whole world.

You met at one of Tony’s parties about a year ago and you had such a blast that night that you exchanged numbers and started talking. Obviously you both wanted to keep the relationship private because of your jobs. Of course you were planning on making it public, but just, not now and not like this.

“It’s just that it was nice to have you all to myself.” You say with a shrug

He smiled. “You still have me all to yourself.”

“But now the world knows and it’s not gonna be the same.” You pouted

“Yeah, I know, honey.” He put your hair behind your ear

“Are you sure you still want to date a singer? The fans can be a little crazy about who I date.. sorry about that.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I’m very sure.” He nodded

“Ready to start answering questions about us everywhere you go?”

“Are you?” He cocked an eyebrow at you

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m so ready to brag about being Mr. America’s girlfriend.” You replied and he smiled

“So let’s do this, miss America.” He grabbed your hand and deposited a soft kiss on it

masterlist

[just-some-random-blogger]

hey, sorry to bother you, I wanted to ask you if you could do Matt Smith x readerMatt and Reader are friends and colleagues, Reader has been in love with Matt for some time, but being friends she doesn't know what to do, when she hears the news that Matt seems to be dated Emma Laird. but when Reader gets drunk you go to Matt's house angry, at first Matt doesn't understand why Reader is so angry with him, but when Reader confesses everything to him, that he had feelings for you too

Security

It's midnight, and Matt is awoken by a call from his apartment's security regarding a drunk visitor.

Matt Smith x Reader | 500< | cw: gender neutral!reader, rpf, fluff, a bit of crack, typos, etc.

A/N: i havent done rpf in a while it kinda feels weird now /alsfhasfsaf. i changed a bit with the ending, so hope you still like it nonnie! I only used 'I' in this fic, so anyone can read <3. image from pinterest

Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx

"I hate you," I groan and push the man away.

In reality, the force of the push propels me back rather than the target. Matt grunts, only because he has to reach out and grab my arm. I flail him away.

He lets go only to grab me again because I topple.

"Chris'sakes," he mutters, reeling me in, "how'd you even manage to come 'ere, love?"

I grit my teeth and yank my arm free. Matt's raises his hands up in defeat.

"I hate you," I mumble again.

He shakes his head and leads me into his home, "right." He unlocks his door, "honestly, I'm the one who should be saying that, considering you came to my house during witching hour."

We step inside. I slowly strip myself of my shoes, and my coat, and my socks and my-

"Woah there-" Matt grabs my hand just before I can remove my shirt, "it's still a bit nippy in here. Might want to keep that on."

I huff and pull away from him. He watches as I wobble back into his couch. I slump on the cushions. He places his hands on his hips, "right. You want some w-- no, I'll go get you some water."

The next moment, I'm being hoisted up and seated down.

"Come on then, drink up."

Matt is crouched down in front of me. I turn away when a cup is brought towards me. I groan, "I hate you."

He sighs and places the cup on the coffee table. He sits down next to me and leans back. Arms crossed, he says, "right. You say that but care to explain why?"

I turn to his side and glare, "because I can't like you anymore."

He knits his brows together.

I release a breath. He slightly cringes at the smell of alcohol. I mumble, "... you've got... someone else."

"Someone else?" he says with a chuckle.

I turn to him as he laughs. I mumble, "I saw the articles."

"Have you now?" he says with amusement, "who was it this time?"

I grow angry at his laughter. I mumble again, "I fucking hate you."

He chortles, "what? Why? R'you in love with me?"

My eyes turn to the cup before me.

His laughter dies down. He shifts on his side and lowers his head to look at me, "... bollocks."

I turn to him, feeling a pit form in my chest. I mutter, "I hate you."

His brow quirks. "I know," he sighs out, "best we talk about this in the morning, love."

Matt stands and walks off. He comes back with a pillow and a blanket. He places the pillow beside me and drapes the blanket over my shoulders.

"Get some sleep," he says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I look up at him.

He brushes his thumb on my neck, "we'll talk about this is the morning, yeah?"

He pulls away and places his hands on his hips.

I curl up into the blanket and lie down. I garble against the pillow, "fuck off."

He sniggers, "I live here, cutie."

[arctickat2400]

Love You More ~ Henry Cavill

Henry Cavill x Reader

Word Count: 2470

Warnings: insecure!reader, fluff, angst, tiny bit of blood, negative self talk

A/N 1: You can picture yourself wearing whatever you want in this, but I've originally pictured myself wearing a cropped tank top and underwear cuz even though I'm insecure about my body, I love chilling around the house without pants, and in my head I know Henry loves it too lol

A/N 2: You will see in this imagine that I mention a blanket. It is a type of sensory blanket, a small square of fabric that my mom made me that contains eight tags made of ribbon around the edges. It helps me when I'm anxious (which is basically 24/7) in which I will rub the tags between my fingers to calm my mind, keep my mind and hands occupied.

Hope you enjoy!!

***

You hate what you see when you look in the mirror - your soft belly, thick thighs, wide hips, love handles, cellulite-covered skin. You loved when friends and family complimented you, but your mind never believed them. Looking at each and every detail of your body, your mind becomes overwhelmed and your emotions become too intense. A shrill scream escapes your throat as you ram your fist into the glass, shattering it to pieces. You watch in tears as the shattered glass falls from the surface before your legs give out and you collapse to the cold tile floor. 

Henry had just gotten home about an hour ago. You had seemed fine then, happy to see him as usual, jumping into his arms as he pulled you into a sweet ‘hello’ kiss. However, as he sat at the kitchen island on his laptop reading over his script waiting for you to join him again, Henry knew that that had all changed when he heard your heart wrenching scream.

Henry paid no mind to the bar stool toppling over as he stood and ran up the stairs toward the sound that scared him most, Kal right on his heels. Rushing into the bathroom to see your curled up in tears on the floor, Henry doesn’t hesitate to kneel down beside your shaking body. Taking your trembling body in his arms, Henry tries to keep his own tears at bay when he sees the blood and tiny glass shards on your knuckles. Looking up at the now non-existent mirror and the shattered glass across the floor, Henry knows exactly what’s going on in your mind, holding you tighter in his strong embrace as you cry in agony. Henry looked at Kal sitting patiently in the bathroom door, and he knew he was just as worried as his father was about his mother. 

You’ve always been insecure about your body, even though Henry never ceases to tell you how much he loves your body. He thought that after you met him, you were getting better. And you have, but still, on those not so rare days, you’ll break down in tears. He hates that nothing has been able to help you long term. But, Henry is always there to hold you and take care of you, no matter what, and he vows to always be there for you. 

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you,” Henry whispers in your ear softly as he rocks you in his lap. You hold on to his arm, squeezing his bicep in your grip despite the pain in your right hand. Henry runs his fingers through your hair, placing a kiss to the top of your head, trying to soothe your angered mind. 

Henry listens as your labored breaths begin to calm, looking down to see your eyes closed. He let out a sigh of relief, even if it was only temporary, when he realized you had fallen asleep. 

You’ve been suffering with chronic fatigue for so long and it’s taken a toll on you physically, mentally, and emotionally. It prevents you from doing certain everyday things. Henry’s been there for you through it all and you can’t imagine how hard it would be without him. You could never thank him enough for how amazing he’s been since you met. But he hates that neither of you have been able to find a way to help. Some may say that what you’re going through needs to be fixed. However, Henry doesn’t want to fix you, because he doesn’t believe there’s anything broken. You just need a bit of extra love and care, and he has vowed to spend the rest of his life giving you that and more.

Henry, still holding your sleeping form in his arms, your head lying against his chest, leans forward into the bathroom cabinet under the sink to grab the rubbing alcohol and a washcloth. He takes a pair of tweezers and begins pulling out the small, yet knowingly painful shards of glass from your skin. He was thankful you were out cold so you didn’t have to experience the pain consciously. Kal, having laid down in the doorway, cried out after having smelled the blood and watching Henry take care of his mum. 

“It’s alright, bear. Mum’s alright,” Henry assures his dog, looking over with a half smile to see Kal’s face lying on his paws, staring at the scene in front of him. 

After all the pieces were out, Henry washes over your knuckles with the alcohol, cleaning the blood from your cuts and down your hands where the blood ran. Once clean, he wraps gauze around your hand before picking you up and carrying you bridal style to your shared bed. Henry places you down carefully, covering you in the comforter before placing a sweet kiss to your forehead. He patted the bed softly for Kal to jump up and keep you company while Henry went back into the bathroom to pick up the broken glass. 

Henry couldn’t bear to leave you after what you just went through, so after cleaning, he sat in the recliner beside your bed, looking over you to make sure you were okay. Smiling sweetly at the sight of Kal’s large, fluffy head laying down on your thigh, Henry picked up his book from his bedside table to read. He always kept an eye on you, looking up every now and then when you would stir, only to turn over to get more comfortable in your sleep. 

After a while, it seems Henry had been reading the same sentences over and over, having trouble comprehending the words on the pages. His mind was plagued with thoughts of you and how all he wanted to do was help you, take care of you, love you so you wouldn’t think such horrible things about yourself anymore. 

The anxiety got the best of him, needing to get up and walk around instead. Henry stood up, placing a kiss on your forehead and, making sure you were still alright, he headed down the stairs quietly, Kal staying behind while cuddling up next to you. Henry paced around the loft - through the living room, down the hall, even going back up the stairs and into the bathroom before coming back out and passing you again on the bed. Kal raises his head each time Henry would pass before laying his head back down beside you. 

Henry finally ends up back downstairs and in the kitchen, leaning on the island, rubbing his face in slight distress. Henry hated seeing you in such pain. He hated that he couldn’t take the pain away, or at least some of it, take some of the weight off your shoulders and help you carry it. He hated that he couldn’t help you and make it all better. But he also knew that he would not stop trying, and he would continue to love you through it all.

Henry is in his own world when you decide to make your appearance, Kal following you down the steps and into the kitchen. He hadn’t noticed either of you until you came up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, laying your head between his shoulder blades. 

“Hey, darling,” He greets softly, a sweet smile coming to his lips at just the mere presence of you. He brings one hand up to smooth over your bandaged hand that’s placed across his chest, intertwining your fingers. Henry turns in your embrace, taking you into his arms and holding your head to his chest, brushing his hand through your hair, his other hand gently rubbing your side.

The longer you stand there, the easier it is for your mind to become overwhelmed again with negative thoughts. Henry feels you start to shiver, hearing your soft sniffles as tears cascade down your cheeks.

“Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay, baby. Everything’s alright,” Henry tries calming you before placing his hands under your thighs and picking you up. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, clinging to him like a koala. He rubs your back as he carries you to the couch. Sitting down, he holds you in his lap for a little while longer, Kal jumping up on the couch and laying beside you, placing his head on your thigh, looking up at you with sad eyes. As your sniffles and cries die down, Henry, with a bit of hesitation of your own, pushes you back, holding you close enough to be able to see your beautiful, but sorrowful red eyes. 

“What’s going on, sweetheart? Tell me what’s on your mind,” Henry requests as he brushes his thumb over your red, tear stained cheeks, looking into your eyes with such worry and sadness, yet the love and adoration never ceases.

You look down at your hands, picking at the skin, before Henry takes both your hands in his while leaning forward to grab your blanket from the coffee table, handing it to you. 

“I’ve just… I’ve been so tired lately. And I’ve been eating so much that I’ve gained weight. I’ve hardly been able to control my hunger and my mind is plagued by food, and all I can think about is how much I hate myself and my body because I can’t control any of this and I’m sick of being so damn tired all the time!” You pause, your breathing becoming heavy and labored, tears rushing from your eyes, as you smooth your fingers over one of the tags on your blanket. 

“And it doesn’t help that the thought keeps coming to me that you didn’t sign up for this and I’m scared you might feel like you’re stuck with me and how could you still love me like this?” You almost scream in tears, Kal letting out a worried whine in response. Henry takes you back into his arms, a look of panic on his face as he holds your head against his chest, his other hand smoothing down over your hair.

“Hey, hey, hey, no, baby. I’m right here. I’m not leaving you. This is the only place I want to be. If I could hold you forever, that’s exactly what I’d do,” Henry holds you tight as you cry for the next several minutes, fisting his shirt in your grip as you couldn’t keep your tears at bay. 

“Can you look at me now, princess?” Henry asks you, placing his hands on either side of your face, pulling you back to look at him. You sniffle as you lock eyes with his mesmerizing cerulean blue eyes. He gives you a reassuring smile, rubbing his thumbs across your temples.

“Listen very closely, my love. I have told you so many times, and it will never cease to be the truth, darling - no matter how you look, how much you weigh, how much you eat, now matter how much of literally anything you do, I will always, always, love you, no matter what. I don’t care if you lose or you gain weight. I love you for you, and I will always love you. There is not a single thing about you that could change that.” He has to repeat some things so he knows that it will be ingrained in your mind.

“Because the truth is, baby,” Henry pauses briefly with a smile, chuckling. “I can only ever love you more. Every day, when I think I can’t possibly love you more, you will do something crazy or silly, or say something absolutely outrageous, and it just makes me love you so much more. I still don’t know how you do it, but you never cease to amaze me, my sweet baby girl. And nothing about your body will ever change that,” He says it all with a huge smile on his face, his eyes never leaving yours, and you find yourself crying not sad tears, but happy ones now as you rush into Henry’s arms.

“I love you so much,” You whisper in his ear, holding onto him tight, your fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“You, my love, are the most magnificent woman I’ve ever met, and there will never be a day where I stop loving you, because it is impossible for me not to love you,” Henry admits, his arms tightening around your torso. He kisses the side of your head before you pull back, placing your hands on either side of his head now, leaning in and pressing your lips to his in a passionate expression of pure love and devotion. 

“Now, if you are ever thinking anything negative about your body again, my beautiful girl, you make sure to come straight to me and I will do everything in my power to make those thoughts go away, promise me?” Henry demands, firmly but in sweet assurance. 

You nod your head with a small smile, “I promise.” Henry smiles as he looks down and begins rubbing across your tummy with his knuckles.

“You do know that even though I’m not with you for your body, I still believe you are absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous? There is not a single day I don’t look at you and think, ‘Damn, how did I get so lucky to be able to hold this stunning human being in my arms everyday?’ I mean how could someone not love this adorable belly of yours?” Henry chuckles as he leans down and blows a raspberry against your tummy. A deep red blush comes to your cheeks as a laugh erupts from your lips.

“I think it’s the other way around, my love.” You giggle, calming down as Henry, still with a smile on his face, comes back up and looks up into your eyes while rubbing your soft sides, his thumbs brushing over your belly. “How did I get so lucky to meet not only the handsomest man on earth, but the most caring, loving, warmest man with the biggest heart of gold who never ceases to tell me how much he loves me?” You smile shyly, your thumb brushing across his bottom lip. 

“We’re just a match made in heaven, my darling,” Henry says as you both laugh softly together, meeting in a sweet kiss, Henry’s hands on either of your thighs, holding you to him. 

You feel something cold against your arm and you both look down to see a smiling Kal looking up at both of you. “Hi, sweet boy,” You smile at Kal, running your fingers through the thick fur on his head while you lean forward to lay your head on Henry’s shoulder as he wraps his arms around you, thanking God for this extraordinary woman he gets to call his. 

[allthesmutl0vers]

The Weight of Blood: Tom/Theo/Draco/Regulus/Fem!Reader (Part Eleven)

MDNI, 18+

Masterlist

Pairing: Tom Riddle x Theo Nott x Draco Malfoy x Regulus Black x Fem!Reader

TW: Depression, Heartbreak, Self-Harm (Punching Walls/Drinking), Multi-POV, Crying, Reuniting.

A/N: This chapter includes music for each person's POV. I highly suggest listening to the correlating songs for each person's POV as you read them to give you a better sense of their headspace. (Click on the song title)

Tag List: @yosoy-laprincesaa @helendeath @buttercup-baby

Please don't forget to reblog and comment 🫶 Comment below to be tagged in any other story updates!

Overall Vibe Song: Have Faith In Me - A Day To Remember

Chapter Eleven

Y/n

(All Too Well - Taylor Swift)

One Month Later

*Knock, knock, knock.* “Y/n?” I hear Cedric call out softly from the other side of my bedroom door. I look up at the door from my bed, my head on the pillow. He knocks again. “Can I come in?” 

I can’t bring myself to answer him, unable to do anything besides lay here where I have been since the night I sent them away. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I’ve been able to get up to use the bathroom or eat just enough of the food that Cedric brings to keep me breathing. 

I pull the covers over my head as I hear the door open and close. “Y/n?” Cedric sits on the side of my bed by my legs. “Can you just give me the sign you're alive under there?” He tries to joke. I put my hand outside of the blanket above my head, giving him a thumbs up. I rarely speak more than two words anymore and never to anyone besides Cedric. 

I hear him sigh softly. “Alright, I can work with that,” I can almost hear the small smile in his voice. He clears his throat and puts a hand gently on my knee over the covers. “Professor McGonagall asked about you in class today.” 

I don’t answer, feeling the depression and guilt from not showing up creep into my stomach, making me nauseous. “So did they in potions,” I feel the tears sting my eyes as they come again, and the ball in my throat forms yet again. “I don’t know what to tell anyone,” he mutters softly. “You don’t talk about what happened, or anything at all, for that matter.” 

I sniffle and clear my throat, wishing the ball in my throat would just go away already. Cedric gets up from my bed, and I hate myself for not being able to say anything. Just as I assume he’s leaving, the covers lift off of my head and Cedric gets under them, pulling me to his chest as he sits back against my headboard. “Come here,” he says softly as he wraps his arms around me. A cracked sob breaks free from my scratchy throat as I bury my face in his chest, unable to help wishing it was one of theirs and hating myself for it. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Cedric tries to soothe me, rubbing my back. “I got you.” 

The dam I’ve been building and shoving my emotions behind cracks. “I can’t do this,” my voice comes out hoarse and hurts my scratchy throat. 

“Can’t do what?” Cedric rubs my back gently. 

“An— anything,” I let out a choked sob. Tears stream down my face. “I can’t,” I try to speak, but I can’t between the sobs that wrack through my body and I sniffle.

Cedric pulls my body up to a seated position next to him and grabs a tissue from my nightstand. “Can you blow your nose? That’d be something,” he hands me a tissue. 

I take it from him, shifting to sit next to him. I lean over and blow my nose, clearing it as I sob. “See, you can do something,” he chuckles softly, trying to make me feel better as he pushes my messy and dirty hair over my shoulder. “Just not a lot, and that’s okay.” 

Cedric rubs my back as I lean over, resting my face on my knees next to him. “I’m sorry,” I mutter between sobs. I’ve been such a shitty friend. I haven’t gone to a single one of his quidditch matches when I never missed one before. Even the rare times we fought. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he soothes, leaning over and rubbing circles on my back. 

“I’m so goddamn broken ,” I let out a shaky breath. I blink away the tears as they run dry from my tear ducts again, leaving my eyes sore. 

Cedric softly kisses the top of my head, resting the side of his head on mine. “You’re not broken. I can promise you that,” he pulls back and cups my face in his hands. “You know what will make you feel better?” 

“Death,” I mutter softly. 

Cedric tsks with a smirk. “I was thinking something a little less depressing,” he smiles softly. “A shower.”

“Are you saying I stink?” I grumble, already knowing I do. I haven’t showered in almost a week. 

Cedric shrugs. “Maybe a little,” he quips, tilting his head to the side. 

“You’re such a dick,” I shove him, a sliver of a smile pulling at my lips. “What good will that do?” 

“Get you ready to meet with the Headmaster.” 

I narrow my eyes on him. “Why?” 

Cedric sighs and rests his arms on his knees. “Something about missing classes too much. He’s about to write to your mom, but he wanted to speak with you first,” he shrugs. “See if it can be resolved without getting her involved, I suppose.”

I clench my jaw and look at my bedroom door. “I haven’t left in weeks. I don’t know if I can.” 

“Thirty-two days, to be exact,” Cedric smirks. “I’ll come with you if you want. But I don’t think you want your mom to come here. We both know she has a bit of a flair for the dramatic.”

I huff a laugh and shake my head, picking at the fibers of my blanket. “When she pretends to actually care.”

Cedric stands up and offers his hand. “Come on. I’ll help you.” 

I arch a brow. “Help me shower ?” 

“Not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before,” he chuckles. “I swear on my life I will be a complete gentleman. I don’t really see you like that anyway, no offense,” he purses his lips. 

I sigh and take his hand, letting him lift me out of bed and stand me up on weak legs. “Fine, but my bra and underwear are staying on .” 

“Whatever gets you in the shower,” Cedric chuckles. 

Cedric didn’t really get in the shower with me. More so, he stood outside of it to make sure I did. He’s my best friend, but the thought of another guy seeing me naked after… I just couldn’t handle that. Ever. But he does brush my hair for me after I get dressed in leggings and a long-sleeve shirt that used to be form-fitting but now it hangs loosely on my body. 

I put on socks and my slippers and take a deep breath as Cedric opens my dorm room door and leads me out with a hand on my shoulders, his body blocking anyone from looking at me. 

Theo

(If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember)

I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. This constant ache in my chest is like a weight that just won’t budge no matter what I do. Nothing fucking helps. I clench my jaw as I blow the smoke from my cigarette out through gritted teeth. Why didn’t we just fucking tell her? Why did I even think what we were doing was right in the first goddamn place? 

My parents have reached out almost every day. Sending stupid fucking letters saying that they want me to go back to Italy. They’ve offered brooms, watches, money, any and everything to get me to answer them. But the one thing, the only thing I want, is something they can never give me because they ripped it away. 

“Dio, per favore, sciopero me a morte. Non posso più vivere così. Non posso vivere senza di lei,” I choke out, leaning against the corridor to the courtyard, looking up to the cloudy sky. The sun hasn’t shown itself since the last time we saw her. ( God, please strike me dead. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live without her .)

I sniffle and wipe away my tears. I take a deep drag from my smoke before tossing it to the ground and smothering it under my foot. I let out a sigh as I make my way through the halls aimlessly. What I wouldn’t give to see her just one more time. 

I turn a corner, stopping in my tracks. Like the answer to a prayer, there she is, walking right toward me with Diggory. 

My heart breaks even more when I take her in. She’s so thin. Way too thin. She slowly looks up at me, sucking in a breath as her eyes meet mine. They’re so red, she’s been crying. Her cheeks are puffy and swollen, her eyes sunken, and… Sad doesn’t even begin to describe the look in them. 

I clench my jaw as Cedric holds her closer with his arm around her shoulders. “Nott,” he looks me up and down. 

I refuse to look at him as I take a step closer to her. “Cara mia,” I try to get her attention as she looks to the ground. “Amore mio, eccoti qui. Where have you been?” I ask softly as I take another step closer to her. ( My dear, ) ( My love, there you are. )

“We’re going,” Diggory clears his throat and starts to pull her past me. 

In desperation, I grab her arm as they pass me. “Y/n, please. Just talk to me. Just let me hear your voice.” 

I hear her sigh, and she bows her head, refusing to turn back and look at me. “Leave me alone, Nott.”

Nott.

Not Theodore. Not Theo. Not Teddy. Fucking Nott.

I have never hated my last name until right now. The way she says it like I’m nothing but a stranger to her. A man she’d never met. The man I was before I met her. 

“Baby… Please,” my voice comes out choked and pleading as I hold onto her arm. Her arm I can actually wrap my full hand around now. It makes me sick. I turn to Diggory. The person who we trusted to look after her when Reggie told us how close he is to her. He let this fucking happen. 

“Let her go,” Diggory warns me, making my nostrils flare. 

I open my mouth to retort when y/n speaks so softly and vulnerably that I immediately turn all of my attention to her. “If you really ever cared for me, you’ll let me go.”

My hand immediately retracts and lets her go. If I ever cared for her? Fucking Merlin, it’s almost an insult. I never just cared for her. I fucking love her. I just never got a chance to tell her before shit went to hell. 

I watch as she walks away with Diggory at her side, and I hear the faintest cry come from her lips. My lips part to call after her, but if the only way I can show her I care is to let her walk away, I have to let her, even if it tears me apart. 

Draco

(I Miss You - Blink 182)

Everything has lost meaning. What’s the point of being in school if I don’t get to see her in class? What’s the point of feeling if it’s not her looking up into my eyes as I hold her close? What’s the point of anything if not for her? 

To say ‘I miss her’ is perhaps the biggest understatement in the world. It all fell apart after she told us to get out of her dorm that night. Tom doesn’t come out of his room except for classes. Reggie barely says a word unless you practically force it out of him. Theo stopped smiling. I stopped feeling, well, anything. 

I don’t see her around anymore, not in classes, the great hall, the corridors, nowhere. It’s like she was never here in the first place. The only proof she ever was is the deep, chest-hollowing pain that comes from missing her so much that I can barely breathe. 

I have half a mind to just say fuck it and leave altogether, but I know she’s here, somewhere. But I can’t bear to be anywhere she isn’t, even if she refuses to see me. 

The door opens as I lay back on my bed, and Theo walks in and sits on my bed. We haven’t done anything since she broke it off, almost like she took that with her too. “I saw her,” he mutters, pulling out a cigarette. 

“What?” I sit up to look at him. “When? What did she say?”

Theo sighs heavily as he lights his smoke. “With Diggory in the hall by the courtyard. I don’t know where they were going.” 

I swallow hard as he passes the smoke to me. “How did she look?” I look down at the cigarette in my fingers before pulling it to my lips. 

Theo shakes his head sadly. “She’s so thin. It’s almost like she’s hollow, a shell.”

I fight the lump that forms in my throat. “I miss her.” 

Theo looks at me with pink eyes, either from crying or smoking some weed, I’m not sure. “Me too. I tried to talk to her and,” he takes the smoke back as I pass it to him. “She said that if I ever cared about her, I’d leave her alone,” his jaw ticks, and he shakes his head. 

“We should’ve told her,” I mutter. 

“I know.”

Y/n

“I can make it back on my own,” I turn to look at Cedric before entering the Headmaster’s office.

Cedric looks down at me with a worried expression. “I don’t mind walking you.” 

I nod and swallow. “I know. But I want to walk back alone. I need to think.” 

Cedric sighs and pulls me into a hug. “Alright, I understand. Just know my dorm is always open. You remember the password to my common room, right?” 

I nod against his chest before pulling back. “I do,” I turn away from him and knock on Headmaster Dumbledore’s door. 

“Come in,” I hear his calm voice on the other side. I take a breath and open his door, stepping inside and closing the door behind me. “Ah, Ms. Hunt,” he says, seated behind his desk, clearing his papers calmly. “Sit,” he motions to a chair on the opposite side of his desk. 

I take careful steps up to the chair and sit down, folding my hands in my lap without saying a word or looking up. “You’ve missed quite a bit of class,” Dumbledore says calmly. He doesn’t sound angry, but his voice is firm. 

“I know,” I bite the inside of my cheek. 

“Ms. Hunt?” I take a breath and look up into his ice-blue eyes under his glasses. “Would you care to explain why?” 

I don’t know what to say. Sure, he excused me for a few days before, but that was when I tried to kill myself, and only for a few days. Something tells me a breakup is not going to be enough of an excuse. Depression, maybe. I could tell him about what I went through, but I swore to myself never to breathe a word about what happened. It could get them all sent to Azkaban. And as much as they broke my heart, I still love them, and I can’t do that to them. 

“Have you been struggling again?” He asks calmly, without judgment. I nod, feeling the damned lump form in my throat again. Struggling doesn’t even begin to touch how I feel. But it’s a good enough answer, regardless. “I see,” I watch as he leans back in his chair. “I know you’ve had a good talk with Professor McGonagall. Is she unable to help?”

“It feels like nobody can,” I mutter, picking at my nails in my lap. 

Dumbledore nods once. “Nobody? Well, that seems to be quite the predicament. I will ask, however, if I can be of any assistance?” 

I shake my head. “No, sir. It’s,” I shake my head. “Something bad happened,” I meet his eyes again. “And I can’t get past it. I can’t talk to who it involves about it. And I can’t to anyone else without them being left with the fallout.” 

Dumbledore tilts his head to the side. “Would this have anything to do with what happened at Malfoy Manor a month ago?” 

I blink a few times, unsure if I heard him right. “I’m sorry?” 

Dumbledore softly chuckles and smiles. “I know all about it,” he leans forward on his desk. “I was made aware by an informant that runs in pureblood circles. I know Bellatrix was behind it and had you kidnapped from the grounds. I know she’s dead, killed by Cormac McClaggen,” he tilts his head down to look at me over his glasses. “And I know Tom Riddle killed him.” 

I feel like ice water has replaced the blood in my veins. I open my mouth to jump to Tom’s defense when Dumbledore raises a hand. “There is no need to defend Tom, y/n.” 

“Is he…” I can’t bring myself to finish the question, digging my nails into the palms of my hands. 

“In Azkaban?” I nod. “No, he is not. He is still here unless,” Dumbledore looks at me curiously. “He didn’t kill Cormac to protect you.”

Did he? Why doesn’t it feel like that’s why he did it?

“I believe he did,” I decide to answer with a half-truth. 

“I see. Well, in that case, he will remain here,” Dumbledore says with a small smile. “Which brings me back to my original reason for calling you to my office this evening. You need to start attending classes again, or I’m afraid you won’t graduate this year.” 

I feel my stomach sink again as I sit back in my chair. “I know,” my voice comes out meek and ashamed. 

“Perhaps,” Dumbledore grabs my attention again. “I could arrange for you to study on your own and just pick up and turn in your assignments on your own. Only attending class for exams. Though I do believe that learning with your peers provides a good support system.” 

“I don’t want to see anyone,” I mutter. 

“I understand. Then maybe it’d be best to go with my suggestion. Simply pick up and turn in your assignments and study on your own. For the time being, at least.” 

I nod my head slightly. “I can do that,” I hate how my response comes out as disbelieving of it as I feel. 

“Very well. Should we need to adjust or rearrange anything, you let me know by owl. Or, you may come to my office. I will send a notice to your professors. You are excused unless you have anything else you wish to discuss?” 

I bite the inside of my cheek as I meet his eyes again. “I do, but I’m not sure how to word the question.” 

Dumbledore chuckles silently. “Well, I can’t guarantee I will have the right answer or any answer. Let’s both just try our best.” 

“How do you know if someone was going to tell you the truth before someone else told you?” 

“Am I correct in assuming this has to do with the four Slytherin boys and the plans that they were made to carry out?” I nod, and Dumbledore seems to ponder my question for a few moments before he answers. “I suppose it would boil down to trust. Did they mention anything before it happened?” 

“Not exactly,” I shrug. “The only thing I can think of is that right before, they told me to pack a bag and that they would explain later.” 

“I see. And had they been honest with you about everything not involving the situation beforehand?” 

“I’m not sure I understand, headmaster?” I ask, confused. 

“For instance, before this happened, were they honest with you about their feelings? Or simply any other question that had nothing to with Bellatrix or her intended plans?” 

I think for a few moments, trying to think back to everything I had asked them before. “Honestly, headmaster, it seems that way. But I don’t know how to tell if it wasn’t all just a trick.” 

“Well, I believe actions speak a lot louder than words. I know Tom and Regulus built you an ice rink. Is that correct?” I nod. “And when Cormac attempted to harm you, as much as the actions taken went against the school rules, did Regulus defend you?” I nod again. “And when you attempted to take your own life before any feelings were made known, they all came to your aid, regardless of the potential consequences from their parents or even Bellatrix?”

“Yes,” I answer as the pieces start to come together. 

“Then I think you have answered your own question, Ms. Hunt,” Dumbledore smiles and leans forward again. “Those who truly care about us and our well-being help us regardless of the outside consequences. Nobody is perfect or without blame. Nobody ,” he repeats intensely. “It’s human nature to make mistakes and even sometimes hurt the ones we love,” he holds up a finger. “But, it is also human nature to try to remedy the hurt we cause. Have they attempted to do that?” 

I feel guilt wash over me as I nod my head. “Yes. But I turned them away,” I wipe away a tear that falls down my cheek. “They begged me to listen to them, and I ignored them. I was hurt.” 

“So you hurt them back, even if that wasn’t your main intention.” I nod and wipe my tears with a tissue that Dumbledore gives me. “I’m not saying you have to go back to them. I’m not saying that they or you are without blame. But I have been alive for a long time, Ms. Hunt. And I can assure you that you can’t even begin to make such a choice as staying or walking away until you hear their side. There are always three sides to a story, or in this case, maybe six,” I look at him with a confused expression.

“Yours, each of theirs, and the truth. The truth will be somewhere in the middle of all of your stories.” 

“How can I face them after I’ve pushed them away?” I sniffle. 

Dumbledore ponders my question for a few moments before he smiles and responds. “You just do. You’ll never know until you try.” 

Regulus

(Far Away - Nickelback)

It’s crazy to me how someone can be so close yet so far out of reach. Every day since she threw us out after demanding the keys we held to her collar, I have wanted nothing more than to go to her and beg for another chance. A chance I know none of us deserve. 

I could blame Tom for not wanting us to tell her. I could blame Bellatrix for telling her before we got the chance to explain. I could sit here and say that we were going to tell her anyway, so I don’t know why she’s so upset. But those would be lies. I knew in my gut that we should’ve told her from the start. I had the opportunity to tell her sitting by the fire, and I was going to. But when she turned to look at me and opened her mouth to start to say the three words I would die to hear from her lips, I chickened out. 

The truth is, I fucked up. I should’ve told her regardless of the consequences. What bad thing would have really happened if I did? Tom would get mad? I scoff at the idea. He hardly ever comes out of his room anymore and doesn’t talk to anyone anyway. He’ll sit there and listen to me bitch and complain, sure. But I think he only does that because Draco and Theo have hardly even looked at him since that night. 

I asked Cedric if he’d seen her at all today. I could tell he was pissed that I was asking, but I had to know. I had to know that someone was looking out for her when we couldn’t because she doesn’t want us around. All he could tell me was that she hasn’t left her room. He also mentioned that she hasn’t been eating. I’m worried fucking sick about her. 

Is she hurting herself again? She promised she wouldn’t do it anymore. But at the same time, we promised to always be honest with her, so who knows? I hear glass smash on the other side of the wall. Tom must be drinking. Again . These days there’s not a day that goes by that he isn’t half wasted. Class, flying, doesn’t matter. He’s drunk. The music on the other side of the wall stops the same song that’s been in heavy rotation every day. A younger Slytherin was stupid enough to tell him to shut it off, and well, let’s just say he’ll be spending Halloween in the infirmary. 

Halloween . Her favorite holiday is right around the corner. We joked around about matching costumes. Actually, every else joked around. My Ghostface mask is still hanging in my closet. Call me fucking crazy, but this girl might just have a mask kink. The way she shivered when I put it on and surprised her, the breathy little pant she tried to hide, fuck. 

I stand from my bed and open my bedroom door, knocking on Tom’s next to mine when I remember the glass smashing against the wall. There’s no answer, so I knock a little louder. Still no answer. I peek into his room and find it trashed and empty. Tom is usually extremely neat, so the fact his room is in ruins, only makes me more worried. I step further into the room and look around the corner to his bathroom, letting out a small breath of relief when I find him there alive. 

“Your room is a mess,” I try to joke. Without looking up at me, he sends a hard punch to his bathroom mirror, the splintered glass digging and cutting into his knuckles as they fall to the sink and floor around him. 

“Leave.” 

Oh, so he hasn’t gone mute. 

I clench my jaw and move closer to him. “You’re bleeding. Let me clean it,” I reach for him. 

“Fuck off. Get out,” he snaps, pulling his hand back. 

“I’m only trying to help.” 

“I don’t want your help,” he grits out. 

I know he doesn’t want my help. He wants y/n’s. But she can’t help, and apparently, neither can I. “Fine. Have it your way then,” I snap as I turn around and leave his room, slamming the door behind me for good measure. 

I turn to walk back to my dorm but stop in my tracks. I don’t want to go back to my dorm. If I go to my dorm, the only thing I’ll be able to do is sleep. It’s tempting because now, that’s the only time I ever get to see her. But I can’t just see her in my dreams anymore. I need to see her in the flesh. I need to beg her for another chance, even though I don’t fucking deserve it. 

I need to look her in the eyes and tell her how much I love her. Just once. I just need her to hear me say it one time, and if she tells me to leave again, I’ll leave her alone forever if that’s really what she wants. 

I look toward my dorm before turning around and fucking running . Running through the common room, up the stairs, through the halls, up the moving staircase, and through more halls before I finally reach her common room. Fuck curfew. Fuck every Gryffindor who dares to stand in between me and her. I reach her door, my chest heaving as I fight to catch my breath. 

I close my fist and prepare myself to knock. Prepare myself to be told to get the fuck away and stay away. Prepare to have the door slammed in my face. But none of those fears even come close to the fear of never being able to tell her how much I love her. 

I bring my knuckles down to the door just as it opens and I see her standing in front of me. For the first time since that night, I can finally fucking breathe. 

Her eyes look up at mine. The top half of her hair is tied back with a black ribbon, and an oversized black knit sweater hangs gently off of one of her shoulders, exposing her collarbones, which are entirely too visible, only testifying to how much weight she’s lost. Her legs are only covered by a black and white plaid skirt and black dolly shoes. 

“Reggie?” She asks, confused and surprised when she looks into my eyes. My name on her lips is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. 

“Hi, little lamb,” I lift the corner of my mouth in a small smile. “Can I come in? Please?” She swallows and nods once, stepping away from the door to let me in hesitantly. I look down at her as she shifts on her feet. “Y/n,” I say her name to get her to look up at me again. When she does, I take a step closer to her. “I need to tell you something, just once. And if you tell me to get lost I swear on my life I will never bother you again.” 

She bites the bottom of her lip and nods. I take another step closer to her and she doesn’t move away. I reach out my hand for hers, and to my surprise, she places her small hand in mine, her thin fingers grazing the palm of my hand as I take another step and brush my fingers along her jaw. 

“Y/n, I know I have no business being here. I know you hate me. You have every right to,” I swallow, my nerves lighting up as I brace myself to tell her. “But as much as you hate me, as much as you may never want to see my face again,” I clear my throat, which suddenly goes dry as she looks up at me with little doe eyes. “I love you. I love you so fucking much. You are everything to me, and I am so sorry I kept you in the dark. You deserve better than that. Baby, I will never forgive myself for hurting you, and—” 

She cuts me off by standing on her tiptoes and smashing her lips to mine, her small hand holding onto the back of my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling and holding her close, wondering if this is all just another dream. 

Y/n breaks the kiss, pulling back just enough to look in my eyes as her free hand brushes through my hair. “I love you too, Reggie.” 

My heart swells with relief and happiness, so much so that a tear falls down my cheek as I smile. “I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” I look down in her eyes as her fingers move from my hair to brush the tear from my cheek. 

“I know you will, Reggie. I know you all will,” she smiles and sniffles a laugh. 

“Does this mean…?”

She smiles and kisses me again, softer this time. “Well, you’re not getting off the hook that easy ,” she giggles and bites her bottom lip. “But yes. I forgive you. I forgive all of you.” 

“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” I smile down at her. 

She raises a brow and smirks. “Be a gentleman and escort me to your common room. I want to surprise them.” 

I kiss her forehead and pull back, offering her my hand, which she immediately takes, interlocking her fingers with mine. “It would be my highest honor.” 

Y/n

The Slytherin common room isn’t at all what I expected. I imagined it would be dark, cold, and gloomy, but it’s not. A fire roars in the fireplace, and shelves of books line the walls. I half expect everyone to be staring and judging me as Reggie leads me through. But instead, people mind their own business. The few people who do look up at me just nod before carrying on with their own conversations. Maybe I was put in the wrong house.

“This is mine, Draco, and Theo’s room,” Reggie tells me as we come to a stop at the door. “Be prepared, they might be in shock,” he chuckles as he opens the door, walking in with me behind him. 

Draco and Theo don’t look up until I speak. “Hi,” I curse myself for sounding more nervous than I wanted to. 

Their eyes snap in my direction, landing on me. They both blink a few times like they can’t believe I’m actually standing in their room. Theo is the first one to stand, he doesn’t say anything until he reaches me, as if he needs to touch me to make sure I’m really here. 

“Potrebbe essere? Mia cara, sei davvero qui?” He asks softly, as his fingers brush my cheek. ( Could it be? My dear, are you really here? ) 

I don’t know exactly what he says, but I get the feeling he’s asking something along the lines of it’s really me or if I’m really standing in front of him, but I answer in the little Italian that I’ve learned so far. “Sono proprio io, Teddy. It’s really me, Teddy . “

Theo wraps a strong arm around my waist and lifts me off the ground; his free hand grips the nape of my neck and pulls me in to smash a kiss to my lips. “Non ti mentirò mai più. Lo giuro su Dio, per favore perdonami, amore mio,” he mutters against my lips. 

“Teddy, Teddy,” I giggle, cupping his face in my hands. “English, I beg you ,” I chuckle. 

“I will never lie to you again. I swear to God, please forgive me, my love.”

I press my lips to Theo’s again as he sets me back on my feet. “I believe you. Ti amo, Theodore.” ( I love you, Theodore. )

“Dio, ti amo pure, y/n.” ( God, I love you too, y/n. )

I smile up at him before turning to Draco. “You gonna make me walk the whole way over?” I tease with a smile as I take a step closer to him. 

“Darling, I may never let you walk again,” he chuckles, meeting me halfway and taking me into his arms before he dips me and presses his lips to mine. “Lest you try to walk away from us again,” he whispers against my lips before putting me back on my feet. 

“Never again, Draco,” I say like a promise. 

“Never again. I love you so much,” he smiles as his grey eyes shine in the light above our heads. 

“I love you too.” 

Draco kisses me again before I break the kiss with a smile and look around. There are only three beds in here, so where does Tom sleep? “Where is Tommy?” I ask none of them in particular, but Reggie answers. 

“His room is next door, want me to get him?” 

I nod my head. “I’ll come with you,” I take Theo and Draco’s hands as we exit their dorm and walk next door. 

Reggie knocks on Tom’s door but gets no answer. “Tom?” He knocks a little louder and opens the door a crack. “Tom, are you here?” He asks as he opens the door wider for all of us to step inside. 

The room is a mess. Empty alcohol bottles litter the floor, and his bed is unmade and messy, with the blankets all twisted up and part of them hanging off of the side of the bed. Shattered glass is scattered all over the bathroom counter and floor. 

Moving over to his desk, I find his journal. I hesitate when I pick it up. I’m sure he wouldn’t want me to read it, but if it can help us find him, I have to. I flip to the last entry dated for today, careful not to read anything prior. 

"October 27th,

I can’t live without her. I know it’s all my fault. I ruin everything I touch, even her. 

There is nobody else I can trust with the darkest parts of myself, and I haven’t even gotten the chance to show her that side of me. Maybe that’s for the best. I don’t deserve her. 

I don’t deserve to breathe. But maybe I can see one last beautiful place, even if it’s not as beautiful as her. Nothing is."

My heart pounds and sinks low in my belly as I look at my other boys. Reggie gently takes the journal from my hands and mutters. “ Fuck .” 

I scour my brain for where he could be as Reggie, Draco, and Theo discuss where he could be. Then it hits me. “I think I know where he is.” 

Tom

(All Fucked Up - The Amity Affliction)

I listen as Reggie slams my door, leaving me alone. Good. I deserve nothing better. God, why am I like this? Why can’t I just be fucking normal ? I slam my fist into the wall where the mirror shattered around me. Again. And again. And Again. 

It’s all my fucking fault. 

I was so worried that she would run away when we told her the truth, and just when I decided we should, she was ripped away and told in the worst possible fucking way. 

I wish I could say I’m sorry for murdering someone right in front of her, but I’m fucking not. Why hasn’t she told anyone about it? Why am I not sitting in Azkaban right now? It’s what I fucking deserve. I’d turn myself in and get myself sent there if I didn’t know what is waiting there if I do. 

Dementors. There to suck away and feed off of any and all happy memories a person has until they’re left with nothing but the worst parts of themselves. Sure, I have good memories with my friends, but all of my happiest ones? The ones where I felt like I could actually be someone besides the monster I know I am are all with her. 

They’re in the chilly nights reading by the fire. They’re in the Hogsmeade trips where we would share a butterbeer, and I would drink it even though I hate how sweet they are. But she loves them, so I drank them because I love her.

Now, I only drink hard liquor, trying to numb the pain of her not being around anymore. Reggie helps or tries to. He comes in all the time, talking to me about her and how much he misses her. I don’t think he can really talk about it with Draco and Theo. Or maybe he just wants to talk around someone who never responds to him. 

I’m fed up. I’ve had enough. Every second I’m not around her, I feel like I’m going to fall over and die. She’s never going to forgive me, so what’s the point? 

I fucked up. I’m fucked up. I regret every second that I didn’t tell her the truth. I regret every time I didn’t hold onto her for a second longer. I’m a liar. A manipulator. I lie all the time. I can’t help it. For fuck’s sake, I lie to myself every day when I tell myself I don’t think of just ending it all. Lying to myself when I tell myself I don’t think of death and the release it would bring from the rage, the regret, the depression. 

But I don’t want to lie anymore. 

I scribble a quick message to whoever might find my journal. Maybe Regulus, maybe Draco, or maybe even Theo. I don’t know anyone else who would give a shit. I don’t have a family. I may have wealth and a few close friends who I might have considered family in the future. But that was before y/n came into our lives. Now? There is no family I want that doesn’t involve her. 

I put my journal down on my desk and grab my wand before heading out of my room, moving past the other Slytherins without a word. I leave the castle and walk into the forbidden forest, making my way to the one place on this god-forsaken Earth where I have some chance of feeling close to her before I end it all. 

When I get there, I fall to my knees. Finally, letting go of all of the pain and regret. A tear falls slowly down my cheek, and instead of sucking it up, I let it fall. And another. And another. And another, until I let myself completely fall apart under the rainbow gems. Under color . Everything was shades of grey before she came into my life, then suddenly, it was full of bright colors, and now it’s just black. 

Just like me. 

Just like my end. 

Y/n

( Rescue - Lauren Daigle )

(Hold On - Extreme Music)

I run through the castle with Reggie, Theo, and Draco hot on my heels. Please wait. Please don’t do it. God, please, don’t let me be too late . The thoughts and fear rush through my veins, spurring me forward and making my legs run harder, faster. 

I choose not to see his message as a goodbye. I can’t. I see it as an SOS. Save Our Souls . And I will, I will save him. If Tom isn’t where I think he is, I will send out an army to find him. If I do find him, I will never let him go again, and I’ll never send him away again. I will vow to be anything he needs. His shelter, his armor, his everything.

Hold on, Tom. I’m coming. Hold on, please. I love you . 

We get to the edge of the forest, and even though my legs are screaming for a break, I won’t let them. Not until I find him. Not until I know he’s alive. 

I shove branches out of my way, jump over stumps, and tear through the forest on the trail. “Tom?!” I call out for him with screaming lungs. “Tommy!” I scream for him as loud as I can as we get closer to the cave. I hear the boys call out for him, too, somewhere behind me. 

A branch smacks me in the face, and my cheek burns, but I keep pushing forward, hardly feeling the droplet of blood fall down my cheek. “Tom?!” I call out hoarsely as I push through the last bit of brush, and the cave finally comes into view. 

I slow down to a jog as I enter the cave, and I let out a huge sigh of relief when I see him sitting on his knees under the shining gems. “Tommy?” his body tenses at my soft call for him. I move to his front and kneel in front of him, forcing him to look at me. “Tommy, I’m here. I’m right here,” I plead for him to look at me as tears fall down my face. 

I can see the lines of dried tears and smell the alcohol on his clothes. When he finally opens his eyes, I can see how red and sad they are. “Y/n?” He looks at me like he’s in a dream. 

I nod and sniffle. “I’m here, Tommy.” 

His hands find my wrists as I cup his face. “I’m so sorry,” he mutters. “It’s all my fault. I can’t…” 

I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. “You are not dying on me. Do you hear me, Tom Marvolo Riddle?” I press my lips to his and pull back to look into his eyes again. “I won’t allow it,” I make my voice as firm as I can. “Did you hurt yourself?” I notice the cuts on his knuckles and start looking over his face, neck, and wrists. 

“No, not yet,” he swallows hard. “But I deserve it. I hurt you. I betrayed you.” 

“ You saved my fucking life ,” I keep my voice firm. “The only reason I’m still here is because of you . So you are not going to fucking leave me. Do you know why?” 

Tom looks up at me with a pleading look. 

“Because I love you. I love you so much it hurts, and if you leave, I’m going with you. So unless you want me to die—” 

Tom cuts me off by pulling me into a bruising kiss, his arms wrapping around me so tightly that I can hardly draw in a breath. “No,” he breaks the kiss to speak against my lips. “Don’t you ever try to kill yourself again,” the sternness of his voice returns as he pulls back a little more to look into my eyes. “I love you too, little one.” 

I let out a breath of relief. And I just know that when we all stitch up our frayed edges, we’ll be forever entwined.

[sherewrytes]

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 4

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Taglist: @for-hearthand-home@clp-84@thelightknight21@favvkiki 

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Song for this chapter: Happier than ever Billie Ellish

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Previous

Chapter 4: Broken then ever

I paced my apartment, the weight of everything pressing down on me. I kept replaying the argument in my head—the way I shoved him, how my hands trembled when I pushed him out. 

I shouldn’t have let him fuck me,

 I thought, biting my lip until it hurt. I knew better. I knew what I was doing.

But God, I missed him. The way he held me, the way he kissed me. The way he made everything feel like it could be okay, even for a little while. That’s what hurt the most. I could still feel the warmth of his body beside me, the weight of his touch lingering on my skin. I wanted to scream, to tear everything apart, because I couldn’t make sense of it.

I reached for my phone again, hesitated, then put it back down. 

Stop it, Y/N.

I thought.

You’ve made your decision.

 I couldn’t bring myself to contact him again, not after everything. After the fight. After the way he acted, the way he kept pulling away from me. His indifference after losing his grandfather, all the walls he put up, all the times he made me feel like I was asking for too much, too often. I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve to feel so small.

But fuck, I missed him.

I stopped pacing and grabbed the nearest bottle of wine from the kitchen, uncorking it with a quick, frustrated twist. I poured myself a glass, my hand shaking ever so slightly as I brought it to my lips. The taste of alcohol hit me like a wave, a temporary escape from the overwhelming ache in my chest.

I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have let him back in. I should’ve been stronger than this.

I gulped down the wine, setting the glass down harder than I meant to. I wiped my eyes, angry at myself for even crying. What was the point? What good did it do me? I’d given so much of myself to him, to this relationship, and for what? For him to turn into someone who could barely even look me in the eye, for him to keep pushing me away when all I wanted was to be close.

I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. My thoughts were spiraling, and I couldn’t stop them. I don’t want this. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I felt a wave of nausea rise in my throat. Was I really this pathetic? Could I not even get through one night without missing him?

Suddenly, I felt the tears begin to fall again, one after the other, the dam I’d built up breaking and spilling over. I sank to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I hated this. I hated how much I loved him, hated how he could destroy me with just a few words, a look, the smallest sign that he cared, that he was still here.

Maybe this was it.

Maybe I had been fooling myself, believing that he would change, that things would go back to how they used to be. But deep down, I knew better. He wasn’t the same Sukuna I had fallen in love with. That guy had been reckless, wild, but he had always been present, always cared. The guy I saw now—this version of him—was broken, distant. And he couldn’t even bring himself to be honest with me.

The silence in my apartment was deafening. I stood up suddenly, swiping the glass off the counter, and hurled it across the room. It shattered on impact, the shards scattering across the floor. I took a deep breath, but it only made the pain worse.

I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore.

I glanced around, my eyes landing on the framed photos we’d taken together. Photos of me, him, his grandfather, Yuuji, Choso... It all felt like a lifetime ago. Everything had changed after his grandfather died. Everything had changed when he stopped trying. When he started pulling away and locking himself up in his own grief. I wanted to reach out to him, but every time I did, it felt like he was slipping further and further away.

I let out a shaky laugh, feeling empty and bitter. Look at me, falling apart over a guy who didn’t even care enough to be honest with me.

My phone buzzed. I glanced at it, and for a second, my heart skipped when I saw the name. Sukuna.

No.

I shook my head, exhaling shakily.

Don’t do it, Y/N.

But my hand reached for the phone anyway. I stared at the screen for a long moment, then pressed the ignore button. My thumb hovered over the screen, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. What would I even say?

Instead, I threw my phone on the couch, staring out the window. The city lights were blurry in the distance, almost as blurry as my thoughts.

What now?

I sank down onto the couch, clutching my knees to my chest as I curled into myself. The pain didn’t feel like it was going away, and the silence only made it worse. I wanted to scream, wanted to run away from everything, but I couldn’t.

I felt broken. I felt like I had given everything, and all I had left were pieces of a relationship that had once felt so right.

I can’t keep doing this, I thought, staring out into the night, the tears continuing to fall. I need to let go.

But it was harder than I ever imagined.

I paced my apartment, the walls closing in on me as memories of Sukuna flooded my mind. He played with my feelings, I thought bitterly, frustration boiling within me. I wanted to be there for him, wanted to hold him close and make him feel better, but he wouldn’t let me.

Weeks had passed where he’d ignored me—no texts, no calls. I had tried everything: I called, texted, even reached out to Toji and Choso. They all told me to give him time, to let him deal with his grief in his own way. But now look at us—broken up and farther apart than I ever thought we could be.

Was I wrong to want more? The question echoed in my head as I stopped in front of the window, staring out at the city lights that flickered like my fading hope. I hated feeling like this, like I was grasping at something that was slipping through my fingers.

I could still remember the warmth of his body, the way he held me, how safe I felt in his arms. But those moments felt like a lifetime ago, replaced by the cold distance that had grown between us. I wanted to scream at him for pushing me away, for shutting me out when I wanted to help the most.

What was I supposed to do? I thought, frustration mixing with heartbreak. I felt like I was losing myself trying to hold on to him. I shouldn’t have let him back in, I chastised myself, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill over. I’d let him in again, let myself believe that things could be okay, that we could find our way back to each other.

But instead, I found myself standing here, broken and alone.

I sank down on the couch, the silence of the room pressing in on me. I wrapped my arms around my knees, feeling small and defeated. I couldn’t stop replaying our last moments together—the way he looked at me, the anger that seeped from his voice, the way he held back from truly reaching out. It was like he was there, but he wasn’t. He was so far away.

I grabbed my phone again, staring at the screen, debating whether to reach out one last time. What would it even change? I felt sick at the thought of dragging myself back into that turmoil, into that pain. I knew I had to be strong, to let go, but it felt impossible.

Maybe I just needed to give it time, too.

I tried to convince myself, but the thought felt hollow.

As I sat there, tears streaming down my face, the memories of him lingered like a ghost. The laughter we shared, the late-night talks, the promise of forever that now felt like a distant dream. I hated how much I missed him, how much I wanted him despite everything.

I shouldn’t want him. I shouldn’t care.

But I did. And that hurt more than anything else.

I pulled out my phone and hit play on Cleo Sol’s “Life Will Be.” The soothing melody filled the room, wrapping around me like a warm hug, soothing the chaos swirling in my mind. I started to clean up the broken glass, each piece reminding me of the shattered feelings I had just experienced with Sukuna. I wasn’t going to let him hold me back anymore, I thought, determination replacing my earlier despair. Yes, he meant the world to me, but I mattered more.

With the last shard disposed of, my stomach growled, pulling me from my thoughts. Cooking always helped me feel grounded, so I moved to the kitchen and started making dinner. I prepared a simple pasta dish, letting the warm, comforting scents of garlic and herbs fill the space around me. As I stirred the sauce, I felt a flicker of normalcy creeping back in, like I was reclaiming a part of myself that had been lost in the whirlwind of emotions.

After dinner, I settled onto the couch, turning on Netflix. I needed something mindless to distract me, so I scrolled through the options until I found a lighthearted comedy. I sank into the cushions, letting the laughter from the screen drown out the noise in my head.

Just as I was starting to feel a bit better, my phone buzzed beside me. I glanced down and saw a text from Utahime checking in. She was always so good about reaching out, especially when I needed it the most. I smiled at her message, though my heart sank a little when I saw the time. “It’s literally almost 1 AM,” I replied, half-joking.

Her response came quickly: “It’s 5 PM somewhere! I’m coming over.”

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. Only Utahime. “Fine, but just so you know, I’m not in the best mood,” I typed back, hoping she wouldn’t take it too seriously.

“Don’t care. I’ll bring snacks,” she replied, and I could practically hear her laughter through the screen.

“Okay, see you soon,” I said, already feeling a little lighter at the thought of her company.

As I waited for her arrival, I tidied up the living room, pushing aside the remnants of my earlier breakdown. I didn’t want her to see me like that; I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to show her that I was moving forward, that I was going to be okay, even without Sukuna.

When the doorbell finally rang, I opened the door to find Utahime standing there, a grin on her face and a bag of snacks in her hand. “I come bearing gifts!” she declared dramatically, stepping inside and embracing me tightly.

I laughed, the warmth of her presence washing over me. “Thank you. I needed this.”

“Of course you did. Now, tell me everything,” she said, plopping down on the couch with a bag of chips in her lap.

I took a deep breath, ready to open up about everything—the heartbreak, the anger, the confusion. I knew I couldn’t keep it bottled up forever, and if anyone would understand, it was her. As I started to talk, I felt a sense of relief wash over me, knowing that I wasn’t alone in this. Utahime was here, and maybe, just maybe, everything would start to feel a little more bearable.

Utahime settled in, giving me a knowing look as I spoke. I could feel the weight of everything I had been holding in over the past few days slowly starting to release. The words came out in a jumbled mess at first, but she didn’t interrupt—just let me spill it all, no matter how messy or incoherent. I started from the beginning, recounting the fight with Sukuna, the overwhelming emotions that followed, and how everything had ended in such a chaotic, painful way.

As I spoke, I felt a mix of sadness, anger, and frustration rise in my chest. Why did he have to be so difficult? My thoughts flared, but I kept them to myself for now. Utahime didn’t judge me, not even when I started to break down again, tears welling up as I described the last words Sukuna said to me. His anger, his indifference. The way he had pushed me away for weeks, and then the way we’d crossed that line tonight, only to make everything worse.

“I shouldn’t have let it get to this point,” I whispered, voice shaky. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him, but I can’t just keep doing this.”

Utahime didn’t speak immediately. She let me sit with my emotions for a moment, letting the silence linger between us. Her hand found mine, a steady presence in the storm. When she finally spoke, her voice was calm but firm.

“You can’t fix him, Y/N,” she said softly. “No matter how much you love him. You’re not the one who’s supposed to heal him or make everything okay. He has to do that himself. And you can’t keep putting your happiness on hold for someone else.”

I closed my eyes, letting her words settle in. They stung, but I knew she was right. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep letting him destroy me like this.

“Do you think I’m a fool for staying with him for this long?” I asked, not sure if I even wanted an answer.

“No. I think you’re a person who believed in love and wanted the best for him. But that doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your peace for it. Not anymore,” Utahime said, squeezing my hand. “You’re strong enough to walk away, Y/N. I’ve seen it in you. You just have to believe it yourself.”

I nodded, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “I don’t want to hate him. I don’t want to feel like this about him. But I don’t know how to fix it.”

"You can’t fix it," she reminded me gently. “But you can take care of yourself. That’s all you need to do right now. Take care of yourself.”

I let out a long breath, feeling the weight of her words sink in. The pressure that had been crushing my chest felt a little lighter.

“Thanks,” I whispered, feeling a flicker of gratitude for her being here. For not letting me wallow in my own misery.

“Anytime,” Utahime said with a soft smile, pulling out some snacks from her bag and tossing a chip in my direction. “Now, let’s just focus on tonight. You’re not alone in this, okay?”

I nodded, allowing myself to relax for the first time in days. As we sat together on the couch, munching on snacks and watching some random Netflix show I wasn’t really paying attention to, I felt something shift inside me. Maybe I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. One step at a time. And tonight, I didn’t have to face it alone.

Sukuna’s POV

I find myself walking beside her, the air crisp but warm, the evening sun casting a soft golden glow over everything. Y/N’s hand is in mine, small and delicate, her fingers wrapped around mine so tightly that it feels like she’s anchoring me to the moment. I don’t even question it, don’t care to—I'm content to let her lead me wherever she wants to go. We’re in a park, surrounded by the vibrant lights of a carnival that’s sprawled across the grass, all flashing in the fading light of the evening. There’s a soft hum of music in the air, the sounds of laughter and excitement echoing around us as we walk past booths filled with cotton candy and trinkets. The smell of popcorn mixes with the scent of fresh grass, the air thick with nostalgia.

She pulls me forward, her face lighting up when she sees the ferris wheel in the distance.

“You’re scared of heights, aren’t you?” she teases, glancing over at me with a mischievous smile that makes my chest tighten.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “No, I’m not scared of heights.”

“You sure? Because I remember you being all tense the last time we went on one of these,” she says, her voice playful but soft, her eyes glinting with the joy of teasing me.

I fake a scowl, but I can’t help the grin that tugs at my lips. "You're imagining things. I’m fine.”

She just laughs, the sound ringing out like a melody that wraps around me. It’s a laugh I can never forget, one that makes my heart beat faster. I feel like I’m walking on air as we approach the line for the ferris wheel, the vibrant lights of the ride reflecting off her eyes. She stands on tiptoe to look up at the giant wheel, the bright colors of the carnival lights reflecting off her face, painting it in shades of red, yellow, and blue. The glow from the lights seems to make her eyes sparkle even more than usual.

We climb into a car, the seat creaking as we sit down. The ferris wheel starts to move, slowly at first, then faster as we ascend higher into the sky. She looks over at me, her eyes searching mine, and for a brief moment, it feels like the world has quieted. It’s just the two of us, floating above the noise, the chaos of the carnival below us. I reach over and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, her gaze locking with mine.

“Still not scared?” she asks, her voice soft and steady.

I shake my head, but I can feel the tension in my chest. I’m not scared of heights, but damn, I’m scared of how she makes me feel.

“Not even a little bit,” I reply, my voice rougher than I intended.

She smiles, and the tension melts away. I can feel her hand sliding into mine, and it’s like a jolt of electricity shoots through me. The ride crests at its highest point, and the entire park stretches out below us. It’s like we’re on top of the world, with only the stars above and the lights of the carnival below. The colors blend together into something almost magical—soft pastels fading into deep purples and blues as the sun sets.

She leans in close, resting her head against my shoulder, and I can’t help the surge of warmth that floods my chest. I wrap my arm around her, pulling her a little closer. Her breath is soft against my skin, and I feel the tension in my body slowly unravel as we just sit there, taking in the moment. I know I should say something, should break the silence, but I can’t. The peace is too perfect, too fragile.

We reach the top, and the ferris wheel stops. We’re suspended there, high above the ground, surrounded by the colors and lights of the carnival, the music drifting up to us from below. Her face is aglow, and I can't look away from her. There’s nothing but this—nothing but her and me and the night sky stretching on forever.

I can feel the pull in my chest, like I’m tethered to her in a way I can’t explain, but it’s beautiful. It’s more than I could ever ask for.

“Look,” she says, pointing toward the horizon, “you can see the whole city from here. Everything feels so small, doesn’t it?”

I turn my head, following her gaze. The city lights stretch out below us, tiny and distant, like the world is just a flicker of light beneath our feet. I nod, but my eyes stay on her.

“Yeah,” I say softly, “small.”

She shifts closer, turning her face up toward mine, and before I even realize what I’m doing, I lean down, my lips meeting hers. It’s slow and soft at first, just the feeling of her lips against mine, and then deeper, a wave of warmth and tenderness sweeping over me. The world falls away until it’s just her and me, suspended in time.

Her hands find my neck, pulling me closer, and I let out a quiet groan as she deepens the kiss, the connection between us electric. I can feel her heart racing against mine as she presses closer, her breath coming in quick gasps. Everything feels right in this moment—like this is exactly where we’re supposed to be.

When the ferris wheel starts to move again, slowly descending back toward the ground, we finally pull away, breathless and laughing. She’s flushed, her cheeks bright, her eyes wide with happiness. I can’t help the stupid grin that stretches across my face as I look at her.

“That was perfect,” she says softly, her voice a little breathless.

I nod, pulling her into a tight hug, pressing my cheek against her hair, breathing her in. “Yeah, it was.”

We sit in silence as the ferris wheel takes us down, both of us lost in the moment. When the ride stops and the operator opens the door, I stand, holding my hand out to her.

“Let’s go get some cotton candy,” I say, already pulling her toward the booth.

She laughs, her fingers curling around mine once more as we walk into the carnival night, the lights twinkling above, and everything feeling just… right.

(But then the dream shifts. The feeling of her hand in mine slowly fades. The carnival fades, the laughter fades. And then I wake up.)

I wake up with a jolt, disoriented, like my mind is playing catch-up with my body. The sterile smell hits me first—sharp, cold. And then the beeping, the constant rhythmic pulse that fills the room. My head feels heavy, like it’s been stuffed with cotton, and I can’t quite grasp where I am, what’s happening. My body is sore, stiff, like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I blink against the harsh fluorescent lights overhead, trying to focus. The room is too white, too bright. I try to sit up, but the effort feels like it might break me in half. I see the IV in my arm, the monitors beeping softly around me. My heart beats erratically in my chest, thudding painfully in my ears as I try to make sense of it all.

Hospital.

Fuck.

I drag my hand over my face, the stubble rough against my skin. My mouth feels dry—no, it feels like sandpaper. The taste of smoke still lingers in my throat, but there’s something heavier, something wrong about this.

How the hell did I get here?

The events before are fuzzy—disjointed images flickering like a film reel that’s out of sync. My hands... my body... My heart, a dull ache in my chest. I can feel it now, throbbing with each beat.

But then it hits me all at once, like a punch to the gut, and I’m gripped by the crushing realization of everything I’ve lost.

Y/N.

The memories come rushing back—our argument, the fight, the last time I saw her. The cold words, the angry silence, the look in her eyes when she kicked me out. I hadn’t just lost her. I had fucking ruined everything.

The room seems to shrink around me, the walls pressing in like they’re closing off any escape. I try to push myself up again, but this time, the sharp pain in my chest stops me. My breathing becomes shallow, erratic.

“Fuck…” I rasp out, clutching the sheets in an attempt to steady myself, but it doesn’t work. My heart is racing, too fast, too erratic. Am I having a panic attack? The sensation is familiar, like the time I lost Jin, the time I lost Grandpa, all the people I’ve ever cared about, slipping through my fingers.

My vision blurs. I can feel my chest tightening, like there’s a weight sitting on it, pushing down.

And then the door opens, and I hear a voice.

“Hey, you awake?”

It’s Toji. His voice is rough, but there’s something softer in it this time. He steps inside, his face a mask of concern, though I know he’s trying to hide it. The last time I saw him, he had been... different. We had been different.

“What happened?” I croak, my voice hoarse. “How... did I get here?”

Toji doesn’t answer right away. He just stands there, watching me. His eyes flicker with something I can’t quite place. He finally exhales, running a hand through his hair.

“You passed out, man,” he says quietly. “Had a pretty bad panic attack. We tried to wake you up... but, uh...”

“Where’s Y/N?” I interrupt before I can stop myself. The question leaves my mouth like a desperate plea, a sharp breath that I can’t take back.

Toji’s face falls. The weight of the silence that follows is suffocating.

“She’s not here,” he says, his voice low. “She’s gone, Sukuna. She left. She can’t do this anymore.”

I try to breathe. I try to process the words. I should be numb by now, shouldn’t I? I’ve lost so many people. I’ve let so many people slip away, all my life. But this? This is different. This is... Y/N.

I try to sit up again, but my body doesn’t cooperate. My chest feels like it’s being crushed under a weight I can’t escape from. Toji steps forward, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Take it easy,” he mutters. “You’re not alone, alright? You fucked up, but you’ve got a chance to fix things. Just... don’t do something dumb like you usually do. Get it together.”

But I can’t even look at him. I can’t even breathe. Everything inside me feels hollow, and the ache in my chest is unbearable. The pain from my panic attack is nothing compared to this.

I can’t do this without her. I fucked up—again. I fucked everything up.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I stare at the ceiling, the weight of everything I’ve done pressing down on me like the suffocating silence of the hospital room. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only sound, and it’s a reminder of how close I came to losing everything I was ever meant to be. I already lost her.

But what if it’s too late to fix? What if I can’t get her back?

All I want is to hold her again, to kiss her, to tell her I’m sorry. To tell her I fucking love her. But I can’t even get out of this fucking bed.

Toji watches me for a moment before he turns, walking toward the door.

“Get some rest,” he says. “We’ll figure this out. You’re not alone.”

And then he leaves me alone in the sterile room, with only the soft beeping of the monitors and my thoughts, crashing into me like a wave. The pain is unbearable. My chest feels hollow. My mind won’t stop, replaying everything I did wrong.

The worst part? I know it’s my fault. I always knew, deep down, that I was never good enough for her.

And now... I’ve lost her.

The nightmare has only just begun.

[hamiltonaf]

One Night Stand | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader

Requested: Anonymous

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Infidelity / Cursing / Angst but turns into fluff

A/N: Hello loves, apologies for posting this requested after weeks…I’ve been away on holiday for a while and the jet lag is killing me. Sorry I got carried away with writing this. Also, I’m not forgiving when it comes to cheating, but for the request…the reader has a forgiving heart. Anywho, enjoy .xoxo

Summer break seemed to have a bug outbreak that every footballer was either already in the USA or were on their way. Kylian insisted that we should travel to Miami but unfortunately the timing wasn’t right for me to tag along with him since I had 2 final exams. However, the best part about being done with my exams is not the freedom itself, but it was my birthday.

I usually don’t enjoy celebrating birthdays, nothing is that exciting about getting older each year, but I do look forward to spending time with my loved ones, also not gonna lie that I appreciate the love from everyone.

I studied well in advance for these exams so I wasn’t too stressed out. The week of the exams I just spent my time revising and gosh I couldn’t wait to be over and done with it all.

Besides the anxiety that I was hiding, I was quite annoyed and bothered from the fight Kylian and I had just before he left to Miami. He tried to convince me to spend my birthday in Miami, which as lovely as it sounds I wasn’t feeling it this year. I wanted to spend my birthday casually with family and friends, basically a get together without the formality of it being a party.

It would’ve been a bonus for me to go to Miami with him because besides celebrating my birthday, beforehand Kylian had a party at the Hamptons to attend which was hosted by Michael Rubin. Sounds incredible but unfortunately the Hamptons party fell on the day of my last exam and the next day is my birthday. The dates were clashing and it just wasn’t working out so we both ended up arguing.

Basically the math wasn’t mathing for me to go. In the end of it, Kylian said that he’d be here for my birthday and he’d instead take Brice as his plus one for the Hamptons party. I was okay with it but low-key I was disappointed that he was so adamant on going to this party. I get that it’s an A-list celebrity party, but I mean he goes for those kind of events all the time, what was it for him to miss this one ? I tried to put myself into his shoes and understood that he really needed a break from this season so he deserved a holiday, but the other side of me wanted to spend the holiday with him.

Even though we got through our differences, the tension was still in the air since he left a few days early. From the looks of paparazzi pictures on social media, he seemed to have the time of his life away. I hated that I couldn’t stop myself from reading the comments under his papped pictures.

“Where’s his girlfriend, (Y/N) ?”

“Isn’t (Y/N)’s bday coming up ?”

“Did Ky and (Y/N/N) break up ?”

“I would’ve expected his gf to be with him during the break, we barely see them together in public :(“

Our conversations for the past few days were normal, just the usual catch up on each others day and him asking about my exams. My mood was at ease and I was overjoyed once I left the exam room of my final exam. I first messaged Kylian about my excitement for him to be back and how much I miss him, but then it hit me with the time difference he’s still sleeping.

I spent the day at my parents house to enjoy some quality time with them. It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that Kylian was trying to video call me.

“Hey handsome” I greeted. He just woke up and ugh I miss him so much. “Ma chérie…how did it go ?” He asked in his husky morning voice. Melting. “It went well. I’m just glad it’s all over” I sighed. “Ahh that’s good. I’m sure you did amazing as always. You’re one of the most smartest people I know” he smiled half asleep. “Hmm, are you trying to butter me up ahead of my birthday” I raised a brow. “Have to be nice to the birthday girl” he winked. “Ky ! You’re indirectly calling me dumb every other day” I pouted. “Babe jokes aside, I mean it when I say you’re one of the most smartest people I know and not forgetting how talented you are” he smiled. “Oh stop it” I faked wiping a tear. “Being on a break isn’t the same without you, I really miss you and I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly. I thought maybe if we cooled off our minds away for a day it would help - that’s probably one of the most dumbest things I thought. If anything, I miss you more than usual and can’t wait to be back home to spend your special day with you” he pouted.

“It is what it is Ky. We fought and we apologised, well you apologised about 20 times which really wasn’t necessary because I didn’t stop loving you. Just forget about it though, it’s done, it’s in the past now. I just want you back home” I pouted back. “Just a few more hours. Straight after the party I’ll take a flight back home and I’ll be back in time for your birthday” he said as he got up from the bed, revealing his bare torso. “Are you trying to tease me ?” I raised a brow. “Is it working ?” He smirked. “Kylian. Stop it” I blushed. “Alright alright. I need to get ready and do some things before going for the party. I’ll call you later okay ? Je t’aime” he blew a kiss. “Okayyy… have fun, but not too much fun. Just kidding. Love youuu baby ! Ciao” I said lastly as I returned the kiss and ended the call.

The last I spoke to Kylian was during our video call in the afternoon and I haven’t heard from him since. I even messaged Brice but he wasn’t much help - I asked him where Kylian was and he told me that they both were at the party. I tried not to think about it but I hated that deep down it actually bothered me that he didn’t even show the slightest care for my birthday.

Midnight struck and my family, and friends had surprised me with a cute cake, beautiful bouquet arrangements and lots of gifts. I was so overwhelmed that I actually started crying whilst everyone started singing for me. After some time one of my friends had asked what did Kylian get me and if he phoned. I can’t believe I had to lie for him. I tried to justify that he hasn’t called due to the time difference and him being at the Hamptons party.

To my luck, all my friends had left after about an hour. I couldn’t handle lying for Kylian and faking it all in front of my friends and family. I never felt more shit than right now, a mix of emotions ran through me, I don’t know whether to cry or call him up and give him an earful. I stayed up for s few hours, it was well after midnight in Miami. He forgot. Tears threatened to escape and I couldn’t help but cry myself to sleep.

I woke up after 3 hours, anxiously checking my phone for anything on my social media or messages. My socials were bombarded with messages from fans, friends and family. Even Kylian’s parents and Ethan wished me, yet nothing from Kylian.

As petty as I wanted to be, I was itching to talk to Kylian because I was livid. I tried video calling him the first time. Nothing. Second attempt. Nothing. Third attempt after a few rings, he finally picked up. “Kylian you better have a damn good excuse as to why you weren’t answering my messages. What the hell happened to you ?” I asked frustrated. “Hmm” he hummed half asleep. “Is this a damn joke” I said as I grew annoyed. “Who’s yelling on the phone ?” said an unfamiliar voice. My body froze and I could feel the blood almost drain from my body. It was a girls voice and he’s still in bed. “Kylian. Who. Is. That ?” I paused between each word. “It’s no one” he lied. That was it. I ended the call.

Did that just happen ? Did I have a fever dream ? I actually pinched myself to confirm that just unfolded. Kylian tries to call me back and I ended the call. Second attempt at calling me and I ended the call again. It went on a few times and I continued ending the call. Brice tried calling me after, I had no intention to hear their lame excuse. I continued to end the call. Eventually I switched off my phone.

Yet again my emotions had taken over me and I cried my heart out. What did I do to deserve this ? So many questions raced through my mind. Who was the girl ? How long has this been going on ? Did he plan this to spend time with her in Miami ? Did he purposely fight with me so we could break up ? My mind was racing. I needed to be completely on my own.

I lied to my parents that I’m going out with my friends for the day. It then hit me that this shit was happening on my birthday. Wow. I needed to let off some steam so I drove off and parked randomly to go for a run. I don’t know where I was going but I continued running until I was so exhausted and couldn’t make it anymore. I finally decided to unlock my phone and wasn’t surprised by the notifications. 25 missed calls from Kylian. 10 missed calls from Brice. 31 messages from Kylian.

Curiosity took over me and I opened the messages. Not like I was going to reply. Basically him saying that it’s not what I think, he’s so sorry, he got drunk at the party and he’s already on his flight back home. I left him on read. I got back to my car and went back to our place. The house felt cold and no longer felt like a home. I went straight to our room and started packing my things. Packing took much longer than expected. I had a bad habit of admiring the gifts he got me and cried at the memory before fighting the thought, and setting the gift aside to give it back.

I got disrupted mid-way when Kylian tried calling and messaging me again. The audacity. Many hours later It was pretty late in the evening, I packed majority of my things, the rest I could get some other time.

Just as I was carrying my belongings downstairs, he walks through the front door calling my name. Shit. “Thank god you’re here. I was worried sick about you. I’m so so sorry I missed your birthday babe” he said as he walked towards me. “Don’t come near me. We’re done” I said as I stormed off back to the room to bring the remainder of the packed things. “What are you doing (Y/N) ?” He asked worried as he followed behind me. “Leaving and getting as far away as possible from you !” I raised my voice.

“Can we just sit down and talk ?” He asked. I slammed a box on the bed as I looked at him standing across from me. “You wanna talk ? Sure. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll do the talking” I said as he then walked over to the edge of the bed and sat down. I walked over to stand in front of him with my arms folded over my chest. “First of all, it’s killing me to know this, did you plan this Miami trip to meet her ?” I said ‘her’ in disgust.

“What ? No ! How could you think that-“ I cut him off. “Kylian, you have some damn nerve to face me and argue with me when you’re the one who fucking cheated” I said. Kylian and myself were shocked by my use of words. This is probably the first time he heard me swear. “Ma chérie, I swear we didn’t sleep together. She took advantage of me and got me drunk. We just kissed” he said. I pressed my lips together firmly and looked up as I felt the tears pool at my eyes. The tears spilled and I couldn’t hear this shit anymore. I walked away from him to grab my stuff. He held me by arm, “Wait” he called. “Leave me alone” I said as I pulled my arm away and walked downstairs.

“You didn’t let me finish” he said which made me stop in my tracks. “I don’t give a damn. I’m not okay. I tried this entire day convincing myself that I’m strong though I know I’m not. I stayed up waiting for you to call or message but I got nothing. I feel like a damn idiot for covering for you when people asked me if you called or messaged or got me anything for my birthday ! I cried myself to sleep and woke up like 3 hours later stressing about you. I don’t even know why I even bothered… oh yeah that’s right, because I loved you. Then I had to be the one to call you to find out that you cheated. How’s that for a birthday present ?” I raised a brow. “I understand you’re upset but you still didn’t let me explain” he argued.

“I couldn’t care whether y’all kissed or if y’all slept together or whatever the fuck actually happened. The fact remains that you cheated and I’m not here for that. Had the tables turned around, you wouldn’t give me a chance either. You had Brice with you the entire time I’m sure” I raised a brow. “Yeah” he answered softly. “So what’s your excuse if Brice was there ?” I asked with my hands on my hips.

“Everything was going fine, I wasn’t even planning to stay till late because I wanted to fly home sooner” he said, to which I didn’t say anything for him to continue. “Just as I was about to leave, she practically grabbed my face and forced me to drink which for all I know could’ve been spiked” he continued. “I was drunk and so was Brice so when we were leaving, she came with” a pang of jealousy struck through me. “Do I know her ? Do you know her ? Who the hell is she ?” I questioned. “She’s just some influencer, I know her but not personally” he answered honestly. “And then ?” I asked. “When I got back to the hotel, she tried kissing me and I didn’t realise what was happening until like a second later. So I pushed her off and I guess I passed out after, that’s when you called not long after… I was half asleep and she was still around”

“Then ?” I raised a brow. “I kicked her out and rushed to leave to come back home” he said as he slowly walked towards me. He grabbed a hold of my hands and rubbed small circles. I pulled my hand away. “Kylian. You can’t just come back and expect me to forget all about this. I don’t even know what to believe at this point” I said softly. “(Y/N) I’m telling the truth” he argued. “You just said that you knew her… our trust is broken ! Forget about what you did for a second. You forgot about my birthday and you didn’t even have the decency to message or call me whilst I stayed up for your dumbass. You know what. I’m done talking. I literally have a migraine at this point. I haven’t eaten since yesterday, I’m living on like 3 hours of sleep… I don’t deserve to feel this shit on my birthday” I said as I burst into tears.

“Baby don’t cry. I swear on my life that I’m telling the truth. I’d never do anything intentionally to hurt you. I’d never want to break your trust. I love you too much to do that” he pouted as he pulled me in for a hug. I didn’t even try to push him away. As much as I was in pain, deep down my heart was saying that he’s telling the truth.

When I broke away from the hug, he wiped away the tears from my face. “It hurts me to see you like this. More especially that I’m the reason for all of this. I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday. I planned a special day for us and unfortunately everything didn’t go as planned. I’m really really sorry for all of this. I love you so so much. It was terrible being without you whilst I was away and now i don’t ever want to leave you. Please don’t give up on us and let me try to get your trust back. I said this earlier and I mean it when I say that I swear on my mum, and my dad, that I didn’t intentionally cheat on you. It was all on that girl” he said wholeheartedly.

I sniffled and wiped away my tears. “I need time” I sighed. A knock at the door interrupted us, that’s when I walked away from him to answer. “Hello” I greeted. “Ahh (Y/N), happy birthday ! I believe these are for you” Kylian’s driver said as he stepped aside and unveiled 10 huge flower arrangements, along with a number of boxes of designer items. “Oh my god” my jaw dropped as I stepped outside. I felt like crying again. “Please don’t tell me you sent these” I said as I turned around to face Kylian. “What..why ? I did…” he said hesitantly.

“You’re making this so hard for me right now” I said in frustration. “First of all, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to get me so much. Flowers alone would’ve been more than enough, you know that by now” I smiled. “I can’t not spoil you on your birthday” he smiled back. “I really appreciate it. Thank you” I said as I pulled him in for a hug. He gave me a tight squeeze for a second before placing a kiss on my forehead. He then pulled me by my hand inside, whilst a few people who came along with the driver helped to bring the gifts inside.

“This was part of your surprise that I had planned. I got all these gifts for you and had them kept away with my mom for the past few days. I felt awful for going away and not spending more time with you. It’s the least I could do to show my appreciation and love for you since you’ve been through it all with me. You deserve nothing but the best, always. Happy Birthday ma chérie” he smiled. “I have no idea how to thank you. I’m so overwhelmed and mixed with emotions. I never ever thought you’d do wrong in my eyes, until today, but I believe I know you very well by now… I know when you’re telling the truth. Sooo… this will all take some time to go back to normal, but I’m willing to look past this and move on from it” I huffed. He caught my by surprise when he engulfed me in a hug. “I love you” he said as he kissed my forehead.

“Can I please kiss you ?” He asked softly. “Ky, now you’re just pushing my limits” I playfully warned. “Just one” he pouted. “Ugh fine” I sighed. He cupped my cheeks as he softly placed his lips on mine. “That’s it for the day” I smiled as I started to walk away. “How about one more ?” He pouted as he trailed behind me. “No Kyky” I laughed as I started running away. “(Y/N)” he whined.

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 9

Eminem x FemReader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : After relapsing, Y/N wakes up next to Marshall. She confronts Cassie and has an anxiety attack.

Tags : Angst, Comfort

CW : Bullying, Alcohol, Drugs, Relapse, Anxiety attack, Mention of masturbation

When you woke up, you were feeling groggy and nauseous. You groaned at the memory from last night. You felt some stirring beside you. It was Marshall, laying next to you on top of the covers. 

Hey, he said in a raspy voice. How are you feeling ? Better ? 

Mmmmh, you moaned. 

He groaned and yawned. 

How about we try some words ? He asked. How are you feeling, Y/N ? 

Ashamed, you mumbled. 

Shocker. 

You stared at him as he rubbed his eyes. You couldn’t help but think that he looked perfect, even in the morning. He was pretty damn sexy, only wearing gray sweatpants with no shirt on. He scratched his beard before looking at you. 

Did you sleep here ? You asked. 

No, I slept in the garden but decided to come back here before you woke up, he said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. Yes I slept here. I wanted to make sure you were alright. 

Thanks, you said. You could have slept in your bedroom, you know ? Instead of here with me. 

And risk finding you dead in a puddle of your own barf ? Nope, he groaned. I don’t feel like having forensics in the house on a Sunday morning. The press would have a field day, though. 

Oh my God, the press…, you murmured as you remembered the flashing camera from last night. 

I called Paul after you fell asleep, he said. He’s going to try and get the picture deleted. He gave me so much shit about it. 

I’m sorry, you whispered as you took your face in your hands. 

You were embarrassed. There was so much that you needed to apologize for. 

It’s fine, he shrugged. It’s Paul anyway. He gives me shit all the time. That’s kind of his job, you know ? 

I’m so sorry I ruined your night… 

You didn’t, he said in a softer voice. I mean, I could have done without the worry, for sure, but my night pretty much sucked anyway. 

Why ? You asked. 

I hate that kind of events, he shrugged. I was there because the Lions PR Team wanted me to do some promo shit. I was supposed to meet someone there to talk about that but I ended up swarmed by drunk people bugging me about the album. And then, I had to take some ho to my place, he chuckled.

God, I am so embarrassed, you whined. 

About what part exactly ? He grinned. 

All of it ? You said. I mean, you had to help my grown-ass to undress and shower and you held my hair while I threw up. That’s pretty damn embarrassing. 

He chuckled and looked at you. 

Yup, he simply said. 

I’d say the outfit and kissing people was pretty embarrassing, too. And… Oh my God I danced, too, you whined. 

Oh yeah. That was some dancing, he grinned. 

Just kill me, please, you whined. 

He let out a laugh as you buried your face in your hands. Suddenly, the idea of digging a hole and dying there was quite appealing.

It’s fine, he said with a chuckle. I mean, you got some good moves. Didn’t expect you to, to be honest. 

Yeah, I don’t know about that… 

It wasn’t that bad, I promise. You put on quite a show on the dance floor. 

God, I made a fool of myself, you sighed. 

I don’t think you did, he said earnestly. Everyone there was doing the same thing anyway… But yeah, that was a bit foolish. I mean, it’s just not you, Y/N. 

You nodded softly. 

I don’t deserve you being so nice to me, you sighed. 

Me being an ass to you wouldn’t help matters, he shrugged. Besides, you already know what you did wrong. You’re a grown woman. 

I thought you were going to kill me, back there, you whispered. 

Dramatic, much ? He chuckled. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t really pleased with you. I was mostly worried, though… 

Mmmh. 

I thought you were doing good, you know ? He explained. You were sober for, what… Four months ? 

Yeah, going on five, you said with a hint of sadness. And now I threw it all away…

Slipping… it happens, he said. What matters is that you’re able to dust yourself off and try again. 

Easy for you to say, you mumbled. You’ve been sober for fifteen years. 

He scoffed and shook his head. 

You’re not the only person it happens to, you know ? He sighed. I’ve tried to quit a few times before I managed to stop for good. I’ve slipped-up and relapsed a few times. Even after rehab. 

You did ? You asked. 

Yeah. So I’ve been there and I know how you feel. I just wish I would have known you were struggling, he said. 

I wasn’t struggling, you said. I mean… There were times lately, when I missed drinking, but that’s about it. I think that… I have been feeling a bit lonely, mostly. 

You didn’t tell me that, he pointed out. 

Does it matter ? 

Of course it does, he said softly. You matter. 

You let out a small “aw” and blushed. He sat up and stroked your shoulder. 

So, what happened last night that led you to this ? Walk me through it, ok ? 

You sighed and proceeded to tell him everything. How happy you were to see Cassie, how generous and kind she was to you and how much you didn’t want to disappoint her or let her down. How her calling you a dud made you want to gain her approval so badly. You also mentioned that, regardless of the fact that you had messed up, you looked up to her and you wished you could be more like her but only seemed to get as sociable when you were under the influence. 

This girl is a bully, he scoffed. 

No she’s not, you replied. 

That’s high school mean girl 101, Y/N, he said. You do realize she used you as a prop, right ? She played with you like a doll, she dressed you up in that skimpy outfit, ignored you when she wanted to flirt with people and used you to arouse men, either by kissing you or suggesting threesomes…

Well, if you put it like that, it does make her look pretty bad, you mumbled. But she’s my friend ! 

She's not, he groaned. Talia is your friend. Jamal is your friend. I am your friend. This girl ? Nope. 

You sighed. Maybe he was right on some level, but you didn’t want to hear it. After all, Cassie had been there for you numerous times. 

Well, I have to see her today, you said. I still have stuff in her hotel room. 

I’ll take you, he offered. But first, we should discuss what you’re going to do. 

That’s fair. What am I going to do ? 

First, you’re going to tell Talia and Jamal as soon as I take you home. They’re your roommates and they deserve to know that kind of thing. Lying about it would be a shitty idea anyway, he said. 

Talia’s going to kill me, you said. 

She’s not, he said softly. Then, first thing tomorrow, you’re going to a meeting and calling your sponsor. 

Meetings are on wednesday, you said. 

I’ll get you an appointment with a therapist, then. You need to see someone. The earlier the better. If today wasn’t Sunday, you’d be there already. 

You nodded, but tears were welling in your eyes. 

I can’t do it, you said as you choked on your words. Marshall, I just… I can’t. I can’t face people and tell them I fucked up. 

Hey, he said softly as he took your hand in his. Yes you can, and you will. Shit happens. Do you remember what I said when I took you to the observatory ? 

That I’m not alone ? 

Exactly. Your road to recovery doesn’t have to be a lonely one, he reminded you as he stroked your cheek. I got you. So do Talia and Jamal. The others at the studio too. They love you. 

They do ? You asked. 

Yeah. Everyone thinks you’re great. They keep going on about how cute you are. Especially when you fall asleep on the couch, he chuckled. 

Thank you, you whispered as you let your head roll on his shoulder. I love them too, you know ? 

He kissed the top of your head and decided to get up. 

Get up, Dobby, I’ll make you breakfast, he said. 

Are you really going to call me that ? You groaned before letting out a yawn. 

Yep, he said with a smile. You were right, you do look like a house elf in my tee-shirt. 

I wouldn’t have pegged you as a Harry Potter fan, you said with a grin. 

My youngest was obsessed with the movies and books for a while, he chuckled. She’d be so proud of me right now. Anyway, breakfast in ten minutes, ok ? 

You nodded and took some time to stretch as he walked towards the door. 

Oh, and, Dobby ? You’re much hotter in my clothes than in last night’s dress, he added with a wink. 

He left the room and you were speechless. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks. 

Have you seen my phone ? You asked Marshall when you walked in the kitchen to the smell of pancakes. 

No idea about your phone, but your purse is on the table, he said. 

You grabbed your phone, that was inside your handbag and checked your phone. You had about fifty notifications. Had you been sleeping that long ? Had the world ended without you knowing ? Was someone dead ?

From : Unknown. “Hey. It’s Jared. Loved meeting you tonight. When are you free for dinner ?”

From : Talia. “Is that really you in the picture with Em ???” 

From : Talia. “Hand holding and stuff ?!?! What is happening ??? I thought you were with Cassie ???” 

From : Talia. “CALL. ME. BACK. I need to knoooooow !!!” 

From : Talia. “If you call me back I promise I will let the questionable outfit slide. We need to talk about your fashion sense tho…”

From : Talia. “I know the two of you are probably busy right now, but call me back when you can ??? I hope he is ravishing the shit out of you right now :)”

From : Unknown. “I just saw the pictures online. I didn’t realize you were with Em ! Sorry I suggested that date. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful at all…!” 

It didn’t take too long to figure out the photos had been published. You quickly went online and saw a bunch of headlines. You also received messages from people you hadn’t seen in a long time. It was as if, suddenly, they remembered you. You knew it was no coincidence.You clicked on an article titled “Eminem in love ?!”. 

“Eminem is known to be somewhat of a recluse and very private about his personal life, but he was spotted leaving a fancy fundraising event in Detroit yesterday night, holding hands with an unknown woman. No smile on his face, as usual, but his jacket on her shoulder and the hand-holding says it all ! The rapper was reportedly holding her tightly and keeping her close when they exited the party and hopped in a car, accompanied by his bodyguards. The news has fans in a frenzy and desperate for details. We do not know the name of the woman, who wore a stunning Sandro dress and Jimmy Choo accessories (no doubt gifted by her wealthy beau). It is the first time the Rap God was spotted with a woman since his divorce from ex-wife Kim, with whom he shares three children.”

Fuck, you mumbled under your breath. 

What’s wrong ? He asked as he placed a plate in front of you. 

You gave him your phone. He took a minute to read the article and groaned. 

Guess Paul was too late, he mumbled. I’m sorry about that, Y/N. 

I’m sorry, you said sheepishly. 

I don’t care, he said. I mean, I’m used to dating rumors, you know ? It just sucks for you… 

Well… My phone is buzzing with people congratulating me, you giggled. And at least I don’t look wasted on the pics. Although I think it just cost me a date. 

What date ? He asked suspiciously.

A guy named Jared asked me out yesterday, you explained. He’s a football player. 

Jared Goff ? The Lions quarterback ?! 

Yeah, him. Anyway, he just texted and apologized for asking me on a date and hitting on me, you said. 

Sorry for accidentally cockblocking you, he chuckled.

Maybe that’s karma ? You said with a shy smile. Anyway, I don’t think I would have said yes. I wasn’t really myself last night, after all. Poor guy would have been disappointed

He chuckled and you ate breakfast. 

You know, maybe it’s for the best, he commented between bites. Maybe you should hold back on the dating thing. You’re going to have to focus on recovery anyway. 

I guess, you groaned. That’s unfair though. 

How so ? He asked. 

I can’t get drunk, I can’t take pills, I can’t even smoke a fucking cigarette and now I can’t get laid ?! You blurted out. 

You could tell he wasn’t expecting that statement, as he almost spilled his orange juice. 

Classy, he grinned. 

I’m serious, though, you pouted. I’m feeling lonely. I want affection. I want hugs…

He smiled as he put an arm around your shoulders. 

That’s easily remedied, he said softly.

… and I want sex,you continued. 

Aaaand we’re done, he chuckled as he let go of you. 

How did you do it ? You asked. How did you manage to stay abstinent ? Also, when did you start dating again ? 

You’re 27, for God’s sake, do I really have to explain to you how masturbation works, Y/N ? He groaned as your face reddened. 

But it’s not the same, though, you said. I want contact, I want intimacy. Maybe I should get a friend with benefits…

Right, he chortled. Good luck with that. 

You don’t think I could get one ?! You asked in an offended tone. 

Oh, believe me, after the show you put on last night, I know you could get absolutely anyone, he chuckled. But a lot of people seem to think you are spoken for, now. By yours truly, no less. 

Until you put out a statement, that is, you replied. 

Yeah, I’m not doing that. 

What ?! You asked in disbelief. 

A statement will get people talking. Saying nothing and waiting for the thing to die out is probably the best option, he explained. Besides, I wouldn’t be offended if people thought I was with you. I don’t really mind, to be honest. 

So, you’re not worried that it would cockblock you ? 

Nope. If anything, people might be leaving me alone on the subject for a while. I’m not really into dating anyway, he shrugged. 

Are you some sort of asexual hermit monk ? you asked teasingly. 

I think we’ve established that I’m not, he said with a smirk. Unlike some people, though, I know how to keep it in my pants. 

Oh, I can keep it in my pants, you said as you rolled your eyes. I just don’t really want to. 

Right, he chortled. 

Anyway, do you know if Porter is seeing anyone ?  

He froze as you asked the question and dropped the glass he had in hand, causing it to shatter on the floor. 

Shit, he groaned. You’re not serious right ?!

Relax, I’m joking, you giggled. You should see your face, though. It’s hilarious. 

You’re impossible, he said, rolling his eyes. 

You chuckled and helped him clear the glass pieces on the floor. 

Anyway, I get how you’re feeling. But just be careful, ok ? You need to be safe and healthy. That should come first. Not your sexual urges. To answer your question, I didn’t date for a couple of years after getting sober. I just focused on my family and music. Also, I have found that exercising really gets your mind off… You know, he said with a grin. 

I’ll keep that in mind, you chuckled. 

And if you need hugs, I’m here, he said with a smile. Just hugs though. 

You giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

Thanks for being so amazing, you said. Thank you for being here. 

Anything for you, Dobby, he chuckled. 

Anything ? you smirked. Really ? 

Oh, man… Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this ? He sighed with a grin. 

Well, I do look amazing in that Saint Laurent jacket…, you began. I mean, the pictures in the article prove it. 

Not happening, nope, he said as he shook his head. 

Can’t blame a girl for trying, you giggled. Your closet is full of great pieces. 

I’ll tell you what, he said with a smile, if you’re good and put in some work towards your recovery, I might let you borrow some stuff. 

Really ? You squealed. Even the jacket ?

Yeah. Even the jacket. For every sobriety milestone, you get to borrow a thing for my closet. Except for my sneakers and a few pieces of jewelry. The rest is fair game, he said. 

I’m going to crush recovery, you said cockily. 

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Dobby, he chuckled. You need to stick to therapy, go to meetings, and mostly, you have to call me or anyone else before you fuck up. Not after. Understood ? 

Yes, sir, you giggled. Totally unrelated, but is 10 hours sober a milestone ? 

Go and take a shower and get dressed, he said as he shook his head. I think I have the clothes you left here last time around there somewhere. Then, I’ll take you to the hotel, ok ? 

An hour later, you knocked at the door of Cassie’s hotel room. Marshall was waiting for you in the parking lot. He offered to go up with you, but you figured that you needed to have a talk with your friend, one on one. As much as you didn’t want to believe what Marshall was telling you about her using you, you wanted things to be clear. 

Hey chérie, she said with a smile as she opened the door and let you into the suite. Last night was sooo fun. I do have a bit of a hangover, though. 

Oh yeah ? You asked awkwardly. 

A guy I met took me to an afterparty, she explained. I ended up coming back here in the morning with a couple of people. They just left. 

Oh, did you…? 

Yes, we fucked, she giggled. 

Speaking of which… Can I talk to you ? 

Of course, she shrugged. 

You sat on the couch and your anxiety levels started to rise. You didn’t quite know where to begin. 

What, you mean to tell me that you got laid by Eminem last night ? she chuckled. 

W-What ?! No, absolutely not, you said. 

Relax, she said. I saw the pictures online, but I figured nothing happened. If that’s any comfort, I don’t think anyone is going to believe it anyway. No offense but… You couldn’t get someone like that. 

You furrowed your eyebrows. Was your friend seriously implying that you weren’t good enough for Marshall ?! You sort of knew that already, but it stung. 

What do you mean by that, Cass ? 

What ? Just the truth, Baby, she shrugged. Men like that, they like beautiful, interesting girls. Not that you don’t look good, but… You’re sort of plain, you know ? You see what I mean, don’t you ? 

I don’t, you said. 

Whatever, she said. I just think you’re not the type to hang out with someone like that. Even as a friend, you know ? I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that. I’m just being honest here. I’m your friend. 

Is that why you basically dragged me into a threesome with him ? Because we’re friends ? 

Oh God, you really haven’t changed, have you ? she asked with a laugh. 

You bit your lip. 

Seriously, you were always so sensitive, Ms Goody Two Shoes. I flirted, it was a joke, alright ? We had kissed earlier because you were being initiating. You’re the one who told me you were horny, remember ? I don’t see what the big deal is. Nothing happened. Even if it did… You would have had a great experience, she said as she rolled her eyes. 

I wasn’t initiating, you muttered. 

You said you were horny, she pointed out. 

Only because of the stuff you gave me, you squealed. 

I gave you this because I knew you wouldn’t have a great time otherwise, Y/N. And guess what ? You had a great time. You danced, you flirted…You were finally acting normal. 

I was drunk. 

What’s the big deal ? She sighed. It happens to everyone. You were drunk, so what ? No one died. 

I just… What I mean to say is… I don’t feel comfortable with what happened last night. It doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not who I am, you know ? You tried to explain, while keeping your composure. 

Maybe you should ask yourself the right questions, Y/N, she scoffed. 

Meaning ? 

Is this really who you want to be ? A 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates, with a sad social life ? You could do so much better with your life. 

In this instant, she managed to break your heart. Recovery and yesterday’s fuck-up aside, you were pretty proud of who you were. Granted, you didn’t have a lot of friends, a boyfriend or a glamorous job. You weren’t a homeowner either. But you always thought you were doing pretty well, especially considering the hand you had been dealt. 

Is it what you think ? You asked as your voice broke. That I’m not good enough ? 

I didn’t say that, she defended herself. 

I thought you were my friend, you muttered. 

I am your friend, Y/N. I want you to thrive, she shrugged. You should be thanking me. Honestly, do you have a lot of people in your life who want the best for you ? 

I do, you said, feeling extremely defensive. I have Talia and Jamal, I have Marshall… 

For how long though ? she asked. 

What do you mean ? 

I’m just thinking that, if you weren’t such a dud, maybe you’d have more people around you, you know ? You’d have more friends. People you meet would stick around. You’d have a boyfriend. Hell, maybe Simon wouldn’t have left you. 

You swallowed dryly and got up. You decided this was your cue to leave. 

I can’t take this anymore. Goodbye, Cassie, you said as you grabbed your things before exiting the room. 

Y/N, wait… 

Tears were streaming down your cheeks when you got to the parking lot. As he saw you come, Marshall immediately got out of the car and engulfed you in a hug. 

What’s wrong? He asked. 

I’m fine, you lied with a breaking voice. 

Bullshit, he sighed. You’re crying. What happened ?

You didn’t talk. Instead, you simply looked in his eyes. As you stared at him, you were reminded of Cassie’s words. “For how long ?”. Suddenly, something hit you and you felt scared. You realized that you were playing a dangerous game. In a matter of months, he had become a constant in your life. Most of the time, not a week went by without you seeing him at least twice. You texted all the time, whether it was to talk about your day or simply to exchange silly jokes. He was always there for you but, as thankful as you were, you were scared of the day he wouldn’t be around anymore. It would come eventually. Maybe Cassie was right. Maybe there was something about you that made people want to leave. And, let’s face it, she was definitely onto something when she said that girls like you usually aren’t interesting enough for people like him. He walked into your life unexpectedly, but you feared the moment he would walk out. He kept on gazing at you, waiting for you to talk, but you couldn’t. 

Talk to me, he said softly. 

I have to go, you whispered. 

Go where ? I don’t understand, Y/N. 

You took a step back and muttered an apology before starting to walk out of the parking lot. At that moment, nothing made sense anymore. You realized that maybe you had been wrong all along. Maybe you were in fact a 27 year-old failure. If so, why bother people ? They would be better off without you, right ? Hell, it wasn’t just about Marshall. It was about all your friends. Maybe you should do them a favor and leave them be. 

You were still wearing your heels from last night, as you obviously didn’t have any spare pair of shoes at Marshall’s place and had not taken the time to change since retrieving your stuff from the hotel room. Your feet hurt but you kept on walking.

Y/N, Marshall called as he followed you. 

Please leave me alone, you said. 

I’m not leaving you alone when you’re crying and just had a slipping episode, he said as he grabbed your arm. Just come with me, ok ? We’ll talk. 

Get away from me !!!! You yelled as you pushed him. 

He looked at you, taken aback. It was the first time you yelled at him and you could tell he was not expecting it. His eyes were full of questions. But what exactly could you say that would actually make sense ? 

I’m sorry, you whispered. I just… I have to… 

You were panting and slurring your words. It was all too much. The only thing you wanted was to get out of here, but as seconds went by, it was clear that your body would not cooperate. You felt a pain in your chest and your heart was pounding. Despite your attempt to move, you were unable to. To make things worse, your eyes were wide open but you couldn’t quite see. It was all a blur. You were feeling trapped. You were on the floor, your hand on your chest. 

Y/N, Marshall said in a soft yet alarmed voice. You need to breathe, ok ? 

I… C-can’t, you stuttered. 

Yes, you can, he reassured you. I’ll help you. I’m going to touch your hand. Is that alright ? 

You tried to nod, to the best of your ability, but your body felt so stiff that you weren’t sure if Marshall could see your reaction or not. Regardless, he got closer and gently took your hand in his before placing it on his chest. You could feel his heartbeat. 

Now, you’re going to try and inhale through your nose and take in as much air as you can, ok ? Can you do that for me ? 

I…

Don’t speak for now. Just inhale. As deep as you can, he directed. And then, exhale slowly. 

Your first tentative attempt to breathe deeply was a complete failure. You thought you were going to end up choking. Yet, after a while, you managed to breathe a bit more normally, slowly. Your hand was against Marshall’s chest, his own breath guiding yours. One of his hands was on your back, gently holding you. 

That’s it. You’re doing so good, Y/N, he encouraged you. 

Mar…, you began. 

Shhh. Just keep breathing for now, ok ? 

As minutes went by, you were shivering, but thankfully, you were breathing properly. 

You’re safe, he said gently. It may not feel like this right now, but I promise. I got you. 

You closed your eyes as he wiped the tears from your cheeks. You stayed like this for a while, unable to tell if it was seconds or hours. Eventually, you came back to your senses. 

Do you feel better ? He asked. 

Yes, you whispered. I’m so sorry. 

What the hell are you apologizing for ? He chuckled. Having a panic attack ? Yeah, you better apologize for things that are out of your control… 

You let out a small, exhausted laugh. He kissed the top of your head and you went back to the car. Your body was stiff and tense. 

Let’s get you home now, he said gently as he started driving. You need some rest. 

Can we… not ? You asked anxiously. 

What’s wrong, Y/N ? He asked. 

I don’t know, you replied. I just…

If you’d had any tears left, you would have cried. Instead, you just choked on your words. You took a breath and tried to speak more clearly. 

I don’t want to face them, you explained. Especially Talia. I can’t disappoint her like this, you know ? 

They’re your friends, he said. Sure, once you come clean about what happened and the fact that you used again, they won’t be too pleased. But you’ll be fine. Because they love you and they care about you. 

For how long, though ? You blurted out. 

What ? 

They would be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me, you said. I’m a failure. I stall people. Who wants that ? 

You’re only saying that because you slipped and you’re tired, he replied as he shook his head. Is that what your friend told you ? Of all people, I don’t think she is the one you should listen to. 

No, I figured that myself, you said. But as much as I am mad at Cassie right now… She got a few things right. 

Oh yeah ? About what ? He scoffed. 

I’m a failure, you simply said. 

That’s not true.

No, Marshall, you don’t understand ! She said I'm a 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates with a sad social life. That is absolutely true. She also said that… It doesn’t make sense why someone like you would hang out with… someone like me. She’s not wrong about that either. 

He shook his head and scoffed. 

I hang out with you because I like you, Y/N, he said. And because of everything else she said. 

What do you mean ? You asked with a confused look. 

Let’s dissect, ok ? You’re 27. That’s a fact. I don’t have to have an opinion about it. Same goes for the single thing. As for the rest… I think it’s great that you are still in school. It shows that you are driven and that you are full of ambition. You’re getting a fucking PhD, for God’s sake. Not a lot of people can do that, you know ? You’re the smartest person I know. Most of the time, when you talk about your work, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying. But I see how passionate you are, and it’s fucking inspiring. And you are a dork. But  it’s fucking great. I love that about you. I think that’s the cutest and funniest thing ever. I’m a dork too. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you do have friends. You have us. You have me. You might not be the most sociable person I know. That’s true. But that’s fine. I like that you’re not the loud type anyway. And it’s cool that you live with Talia and Jamal. I’d even go so far as to say that I like it, because otherwise… I wouldn’t have met you, you know what I’m saying ? 

You stared at him and nodded. 

Don’t let her get into your head, he continued. You’re absolutely amazing. There isn’t a thing I would change about you. Meeting you is the greatest thing that’s happened to me in the past year. You’re a ray of sunshine. Every time you walk in the studio, you make everyone’s day better, just by being you. You make those silly jokes, you put up with us and, most importantly, you get us. You’re not one of those groupies who think of us as stereotypes. Especially me. You’re so genuine, it’s refreshing. So don’t let anyone change that. You are exceptional. You are brave, strong, and beautiful, inside and out. 

You couldn’t help but think it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever told you. Sure, you’d received compliments before, but never to this extent. Hell, none of the people you had dated had never made such a declaration. You could tell by the look on his face that he meant every word he had just said. 

I’m scared to lose my friends, you finally said in an emotional voice. Especially you. 

You’re not losing anyone, Y/N. Especially me, he chuckled as he brushed your face with his hand. Don’t you worry about that. You’re pretty much stuck with me. 

You giggled softly before curling on the car seat and watching him for the rest of the drive. You felt comforted, grounded by his presence. It was a good thing, too, because you weren’t too sure how the conversation with Talia and Jamal would turn out.

[worldofheroes]

A Jealous Man

pete “maverick” mitchell x reader

summary: you try to distract yourself from practice and Maverick

warnings: angst, some fluff, language, alcohol

wc: 902

a/n: hi all! so sorry it’s been a hot minute. I got married!!! I promise I’m still working on all the requests! based on this request! maybe there will be a part two??

tags: @kissatelier @tomcruiseishot

"What the hell was that?" Maverick yells from across the tarmac.

"Leave me alone, Mav," you say, grabbing your gear and heading to the locker rooms.

"No, I will not. That stunt you pulled? It could’ve gotten you killed!"

"I was in control."

"You were not in control."

"You would’ve done the same thing."

Maverick sighs. "I don’t have the energy to argue with you. Go home."

"Yes sir," you say, walking past Maverick and purposefully bumping his shoulder.

You change out of your flight suit and head to The Hard Deck to meet someone you’ve been on a couple dates with. He’s not amazing, but it’s something.

—

Maverick didn’t consider himself to be a jealous man.

But when he walked in The Hard Deck and saw you with someone, Maverick felt physical pain.

He hated to admit it, but there was something about you that lured him in.

Of course, it was inappropriate, with him being your teacher. But Maverick wasn’t one for rules.

When you looked over and gave him a small smile, he felt something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Tough guy Maverick was falling for you.

—

Shortly after getting your first round of drinks, your date leaves you for his friends.

You sigh, knowing he’s not going to come back to be with you.

You finish your beer and head up to the bar. Much to your better judgment, you find a seat beside Maverick.

"Where’s your date?" Maverick asks.

You scoff. "With his friends. I knew it was a bad idea coming here."

Penny walks over to you, and you hold up your bottle. She nods and grabs another beer for you.

Maverick clenches his jaw. He could say so many things right now, but none of them are a good idea.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him.

"Trying to avoid thinking about the mission," he says.

You nod. "Fair enough."

"Y/n, what are you doing over here?" your date asks, stumbling over not only his words, but also his feet.

"How are you this drunk already?" you mutter.

"Baby, come on," he says, his hands all over you.

"Dylan, just leave," you say.

"Baby," he repeats, still touching you. You try to move away.

"Leave her alone," Maverick says.

"Oh, who are you to tell me what to do?" Dylan asks.

"A decent human being. I’d leave now, if I were you."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Not yet."

"Mav," you whisper.

"You know this old man?" Dylan asks, appalled by this possibility.

"Dylan, leave," you say.

Maverick stands up and forces himself between you and Dylan.

You’ve never been this close to Maverick, and it makes you a little dizzy.

Maverick and Dylan are silent, having a stare down.

"Fine," Dylan says, walking away. "I’ll call you later, Y/n.”

"Please don’t," you say, looking at the floor.

Maverick doesn’t move until Dylan has left the area.

"Are you okay?" Maverick asks you, sitting back down at the bar.

"Yeah." You stand up and finish your beer. "I’m gonna head out. Thanks for, uh, intervening, I guess."

You don’t even wait for a response from Maverick before you leave.

"Y/n," Maverick calls out as he catches up to you in the parking lot.

"Mav, I appreciate you standing up for me, but I’m fine. I don’t need protecting. I know how to fly my plane. I don’t need your help constantly," you say.

"Y/n," Maverick repeats.

"I don’t get why you give me so much shit all the time. I don’t get why you’re always right there. I can handle myself," you ramble.

It takes you a second to realize Maverick has closed in on you, his face inches from yours. You stop mid sentence.

"Maverick," you whisper.

He leans in closer, stopping for a millisecond before his lips land on yours.

Your mind goes blank, and you wrap your arms around his neck.

He places his hands gently on your waist.

"Maverick," you repeat.

"I care about you so much, Y/n. I tried to push these feelings away, but I can’t. And seeing you with that guy tonight… I’ve never felt that way before, jealous of another man," Maverick says softly.

"Mav," you repeat.

"I want to give this a try."

"We can’t, the rules.”

"Fuck the rules," Maverick says, caressing your face.

"Maverick," you scold.

"I’ll take care of it," he smiles at you.

You roll your eyes and give him another kiss.

"I don’t want this to hurt me, Mav."

"I’ll handle it, trust me.”

Maverick wraps you up in his arms, and you rest your head against his chest, where you can hear his heartbeat.

"Come back to my place?" Maverick asks.

"Okay," you say, nodding against his chest.

Maverick releases you from his arms. "Need a ride?"

"I’ve never ridden a bike before."

"Just hold on to me, you’ll be fine," he says with a smile, leading you to his bike.

You can’t help but smile back as Maverick’s hand finds yours.

He easily swings a leg up and over the bike, and helps you on to the bike too.

Maverick takes your hands and places them around his waist.

"Hang on," he says.

"Take it easy for me," you smile.

"No promises," he jokes with you, taking off from the parking lot.

You're still unsure how it happened, but you're thrilled to be going home with Maverick.

[theworldofotps]

Strangers

Pairing: Hook x Reader Word Count: 1,839 Description: Going from strangers to lovers to well he isn't sure now.

I've had this song on repeat since it came out and just had to write a piece based on it. Lewis is truly a musical genius and I'm so happy he released these bonus songs. 🖤

___________

Tag list: @omg-im-such-a-masochist​ @melissahausen​ @new-zealand-chic​ @writtingrose​ @99hook @sjwrites22 @sassymox​ @mrsacklesevansmgk​ @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch​ @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch​ @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666​ @lilred91​ @rebellious-desires​ @claymorexpunisher @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart​ @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal​ @thatnerdwriter​ @wrestlersownmyheart​ @vebner37​ @auburnwrites​ @aews-four-pillars​ @seeingstarks​ @whenimakeitshine1234​ @legit9thlunaticwarrior​ @blaquekitty​ @ironshamelessyouth​ @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ripleyswhore @moonrosekk @xbreezymeadowsx @elevennbloom @melblacc @alliwant456  @mcreignsera If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. ________ Tyler could easily recall the first time he had met you, having gone out after a show to share a couple drinks with the lads while in New York. A bit crowded for a bar on a Wednesday night with more patrons than he would have predicted. Someone had the radio turned up a bit loud and Wonderwall was blasting from the speakers. “I hate this song, it’s so overplayed and let’s be honest they could easily find better music.” Turning his head Tyler couldn’t help a slight chuckle hearing the voice go on about the song currently playing throughout the bar. His eyes landed on you, glancing back at the lads to see they were all to engrossed in whatever they were watching on Dante’s phone. Tyler slipped away from the table and walked over to where you were chatting with the bartender.

“You’re not the only one with that thought, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this play in one night on the radio.”

Normally he wasn’t so forward, just walking up to a stranger and talking to them but he just felt the need to speak with you. It felt like a jolt of lightning when you turned and smiled at him, his heart fluttered against his ribcage.

“Thank you finally someone who knows what they’re talking about. The name’s y/n pleasure to meet you stranger.”

“Tyler and a pleasure to meet you, mind if I have a seat?”

“Not at all we can continue to talk about why this song needs to be forgotten already.”

You laughed bringing your drink up to your lips to take some of the cool crisp liquid in. Tyler watched in silence for a moment, laughing when your eyes rolled as the chorus came on.

“Honestly give it a break already we know we know after all you’re my wonderwall.”

“Sorta ruins the bar experience, you here by yourself?”

“Yeah, my friend bailed on me, so I figured I’d just sit here anyway, what about you?”

“Nah, I came with some of my friends there are over at one of the tables, but I think they’re watching a game on Dante’s phone, so I just left.”

“Do you think they’d mind if you ditched them to hang out with a stranger?”

“I don’t think they’d be thrilled but they know I can handle myself besides New York is my city I know this place like the back of my hand.”

“Well do you want to go to a park and sit with a drink we can chat there just hang out or something, Long as you promise you’re not a murderer or anything.”

Tyler laughed shaking his head in amusement as he ordered two bottles of drinks to go.

“No, I’m not a murderer I know a park just a few blocks from here.”

After telling his friends what was happening and promising to text them once he got home Tyler led you from the bar. Chatting the whole way to the park where you two sat for hours nursing your drinks and talking about everything you could possibly think of.

That was the first night you stayed at his apartment the two of you both far too interested by each other to even bother sleeping. When he walked you home, he made sure to get your number pressing a kiss to your cheek with a promise to see you soon as he could. Months passed and the two of you became practically inseparable, if you were staying at his apartment when he wasn’t traveling for work, he was staying at yours. You even went to a few of his shows once you found out what Tyler did for a living. It was no surprise when he asked you out for the first time when he had a month off work. He couldn’t seem to get you out of his head every time he was away, he was falling faster than he ever had before.

“Something is obviously bothering you babe.”

Tyler said as he laid on his side behind you gently rubbing your back, you’d been a quieter than usual since he got back from his last show.

“I read some of the comments from your fans on that picture Danhausen posted, they think that you and Kris are secretly together. And then I saw a thread where they were listing people you would be a perfect match with.”

You spoke softly looking at the wall you weren’t sure why it had gotten to you suddenly, the two of you agreed to keep your relationship private. You didn’t want the spotlight but there were still moments where you felt like you didn’t measure up to the beautiful women, he was surrounded by all the time. Tyler listened his frown deepening the more you spoke. Gently he tugged your shoulder so you would roll over to face him.

“Y/n, I can’t say I know what you’re feeling because I’m not you, but I know what it feels like to question your self-worth and feel like you aren’t good enough. But I can promise you there’s nobody else I’d rather be with than you. I’ve never fallen for someone like I have you and I mean that; I’ve waited all my life to find something like this. What we have is special, what we have is something I wouldn’t trade or let go of if I could help it.”

Tyler held your hand in his placing a soft kiss to your knuckles as his thumb gently rubbed little circles into the back of your hand. You listen pushing some of the hair out of his face as your heart swelled.

“You really mean all of that?”

“Swear it on everything, I love you y/n and you’re the only one for me I want everything that comes with it. And if it would make you feel more secure coming out and telling everyone we can I just want you to know that I want you and only you.”

It was the first time he’d ever said those words and it felt like his heart was lodged in his throat as he waited for your response. Your eyes searching his face as you smiled at him and leaned close your lips brushing ever so softly against his.

“I love you too Tyler.”

The joy and happiness that flowed through him was one he hadn’t experienced before he cupped your cheeks and kissed you. His body relaxing more into the mattress as the weight that had been on his chest lifted.

He knew it was coming before you had even said anything had noticed over the last few weeks you pulling farther away from him. Your replies to his messages while away were shorter and took longer for replies. Tyler knew the distance was starting to affect your relationship but he couldn’t help it he had a job that needed to be done and that included traveling. The bigger he got as a wrestler the more he was needed for public appearances. You had tried to be understanding but it had gotten to the point that you weren’t happy. The rumors flying that Tyler had taken a girl back to his hotel room hadn’t helped either, he did everything to prove to you that he was faithful. It was one of his coworkers Anna who came by long enough to pick up her boyfriend’s duffle bag that Tyler had grabbed by mistake. When you stopped by his place on one of the few nights, he was home he knew as soon as he opened the door what was coming.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

Tears filled your eyes as you nodded your head, you hated the thought, but you couldn’t drag this out any longer. Neither of you deserved that Tyler bit the inside of his cheek as his eyes watered, he looked at the ceiling hoping you wouldn’t notice how much this was killing him. Opening the door wider he seen an empty box in your hands and knew you had come to collect some of your things. This was it, the moment he’d been dreading for weeks and had hoped was just a figment of his overactive thinking.

He watched in silence as you collected some of your items slowly erasing yourself from the apartment.

“I’ll be back for the rest soon or whenever you’re home again.”

“You won’t reconsider, can’t we talk about this?”

His voice was gruff with tears, and it broke your heart to see him this way, giving a slow shake of your head you swallowed the lump building in your throat.

“This is for the best Tyler, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this anymore I wish you the best. I’ll never forget you.”

Pressing a kiss to his cheek you left closing the door leaving him alone with the silence the only sound he could hear was the ticking of his watch the pounding of his heart in his chest. Then the quiet sobs that were leaving him as he fell to the floor. He couldn’t believe you were really gone; sure, he could have tried to argue with you more. But he knew once you made your mind up about something, especially when it came to your happiness, there was no way to change it.

Falling asleep that night had been difficult, the smell of your perfume lingered in the bedroom and when he woke up, remembering this wasn’t a horrible nightmare, he broke down again.

Tyler spent the following weeks after locked away in the apartment the countless beer bottles surrounded his bed and stubbed out joints in the ashtray on his nightstand. He did everything he could to try and forget you, hoping the booze would dull the pain and the high would numb his mind. Nothing worked, here he was the days slipping by blurring into one long period. Every time his phone rang, and it wasn’t you he’d leave it there. His voicemail was finally full, his friends and family had been by more than once trying to get him to answer the door. The only way they even knew he was alive was the occasional reply to his dad.

He felt like his world had crumbled and buried him under the crushing weight of grief, the end of a relationship that had brought him such a joy he hadn’t known before. While you were out there moving on, he was stuck in a cycle of drinking and smoking to try and forget it all. He couldn’t understand any of it, he never imagined that going from strangers to lovers only to be strangers all over again would hurt this badly. It was a pain he wouldn’t wish on anyone and yet here he was going through that exact ache, only now he didn’t know how to cope. Didn’t know how he was going to get over this heartbreak or if he even could.