#what brought this on? internet too bad to stream anything and boredom

[ssaalexblake]

You know, I remember before s12 aired I was talking about how I liked how they’d managed to say something with the casting of Jodie as the doctor Without forgetting the doctor’s socialisation. As in, 13’s anger has been Very feminine in that it deals with repression and hiding it behind 8 layers of denial and not letting people See she’s not a perfect happy go lucky joy machine who just helps people all the time. It made sense plot wise because of what 12’s last wishes were, he didn’t want the bad. He hoped for a future of laughter and kindness, not the kind of things the doctor has ended up with.

The doctors dedication to their own last wishes has unknowingly pushed 13 into somewhat typical feminine reactions in s11, she is being passive aggressive (this doesn’t actually stop, to be fair, she’s definitely being this in her calmer moments in s12), she’s only letting those around her see her positive attributes, hiding her questionable past by avoiding questions. She cornering bad guys alone so only They see her darker side. She’s using them as a pressure valve to vent her anger and disdain openly, because she knows she can’t do so to the fam without violating her own vow to herself.

So while 13’s ways of displaying anger aren’t stemming from being present in a society that socialises women that way, she has effectively ended up in the same place without her behaviour stemming from said same socialisation. Because this regeneration just Suddenly appearing like they’ve been perceived as a woman and socialised as such when they’ve been taken and treated as a man for thousands of years would not have worked.

And I personally quite enjoy this, might as well Say something with the casting, right? And I said this waaaay back when, and I got push back (rudely, but W/e) because why would I enjoy something that’s not a power fantasy of her acting in an entirely socialised male way, and that this whole thing was remarkably lacking in self awareness but like... I actually am thinking as time goes on that it is Very self aware and is serving as a bit of a lesson on toxic femininity.

I... have no idea if this is an arc that was self aware from the get go, but 12′s last wishes could have vastly different connotations depending on whom you say them to. From seeing two seasons of 13′s behaviour in an effort to fulfil them, i think it’s pretty evident that hearing them sent her down a pathway of very unhealthy emotional expressions that i clocked when watching Very early in the eleventh series as a very feminine type of anger repression. 

And in s11, she’s sailing on that. She Kind of slips up in the first new year’s special with the dalek, but other than that life is Good for her. She’s managing to find effective therapeutic venting villains to release the pressure of having to be perfect all the time and it’s not even having too much of a negative mental effect on her. 

Of course, this only holds for as long as life is going well for her, literally the first thing that happens in s12 is the Worst thing that ever could for her. The Master shows up, drudging up trauma related to Bill, relating to hoping against all hope they could be friends again but ending up dying in the dirt alone. He destroys Gallifrey, commits genocide, which would have been traumatizing enough but it would have drudged up all the trauma from when they thought They’d destroyed it and ruined the win they got when they’d actually saved it. The fam whom she loves are now Also in mortal danger and want answers. This all just goes to prove that 13 Only pulled that off in s11 because it was to a level that she could handle it. Once her stress and trauma and anger and hurt reaches a certain level, she can no longer function in the way she wished to and the true toxicity of that behaviour becomes apparent. 

And through all of this, while the 13 hasn’t arrived at these behaviour patterns through female socialisation, she is Presenting in the same way so it functions as a criticism of toxic femininity. 

In Orphan 55 she latches onto Kane Before she knows she’s done anything bad and treats her like dirt to vent the anger, the fam had Already noted she’s in a foul mood and it’s kind of evident she did Not want to take it out on them and used Kane to do it. Then the Skithra happens and she is Brutal and she is so in front of the fam. Fugitive of the Judoon happens and her instinct to hide all of her trauma and not talk and just be Happy is shown from the opening scenes to be causing division amongst the fam and her, she is moody and short and angry At them because she can no longer contain it. By the end of the episode she actually even verbally slams Ryan. That is how far gone she is with all of this. 

fotj is also when the fam Kind of manage to get through to her and show support, she actually is shown to be in a slightly better place in the next two episodes, so we also see that when she functions honestly and Doesn’t lean into toxic femininity her life Improves. 

Of course, then villa diodati happens and it all once again goes to utter Hell and she totally Blows. He screaming at the fam was a total and utter breakdown and it was a Snap. It was a Snap like the other doctors have had, it was like ten at his worst except instead of it being a boatload of ugly toxic masculinity she is portraying this through a lens of toxic Femininity. And people are still on my posts on a weekly basis wondering when 13 will Finally Snap. 

13′s anger Isn’t like the other doctors’ in presentation because her unhealthy coping mechanisms are displaying a totally different side of toxicity in society. 13′s repression and her absolute Need to only display positive traits led her down a road in s12 where she was unable to find help, unable to say there was anything wrong, unable to display negativity in a healthy way, unable to keep the sheer supernova of emotions she was feeling down anymore and it exploded, and it was ugly. She blamed the fam for not knowing things she was deliberately hiding from them. She did Nasty things. Her inability to think straight and her disinclination to Deal with her own trauma and just repress it ultimately led her to give up the cyberium to the lone cyberman which led to Countless trillions, probably, of humans to die in the worst way possible (that’s the doctors Own opinion on that btw, she Knowingly did something that caused this) because her crutches are ignoring the bad and using the fam and earth itself as a second home in place of the old one, for her, the possibility of losing them or the earth is so traumatic and disturbing that she knowingly causes a horror. 

13′s poor mental health, the poor mental health stemming from toxicly feminine ways of dealing with anger and trauma and depression led, directly, to the terrors in the last 3 episodes in s12. It is not healthy! 13 may not have been led to acting in these ways by female socialization, But giving us a justified and logical reason to be acting in the same way women are Expected to act in society to ours (and, everybody’s) detriment Is a commentary on how toxic that type of feminine anger actually Is. 

So no, i don’t think they went ‘power fantasy’ as a route with jodie’s casting as the doctor, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t self aware, instead they chose to say something that wouldn’t have been as poignant a story had they cast a man to play 13, because chronologically and visually... A man told her to do this. It is more complicated, yes, but this Definitely says something.  

13 is a cautionary tale against the toxicity in the anger women are socialised into... A wild one, but since when was the doctor ever subtle. 

[nexstage]

Starless Connie: Two seagulls on the shore

To be honest, Connie didn't know what she was expecting when she decided to give Steven and the Crystal Gems a visit.

Maybe a new adventure, shenanigans coming from Little Homeworld, new gem students getting their schedules, anything. However, what she didn't want to expect and got, in the end, was the shocking news that Steven had disappeared in the night with his car, going somewhere else.

Her mind was in the blank after that.

Her first thoughts were that maybe there was a fight between him and his family that led to this. Her suspicions turned to be half-right and half-wrong. There did was a fight, but it was against a plant-like creation of Steven. A CactusSteven who repeated his words.

He had told Connie once, years ago, how he gave life to some watermelons who resembled his appearance. It just took a bit of his spit and some seeds to make it true. The difference between Steven Watermelons and CactusSteven was that the first ones were kind and peaceful as long as you didn't provoke them, but the second one, despite being cute from the start, became a horrible monster.

A monster who repeated words filled with anxiety, fear, anger, and bitterness. And all those feelings came from Steven.

The phrases Connie was informed about were even more concerning: he felt like his life wasn't anything if he wasn't useful as if everyone was growing up without him, getting better, being better, having a great time while he struggled without control. The Gems were also targets of those issues. Pearl deemed to be emotionally fragile which made Steven pick up the pieces, Amethyst not getting how he felt because she was so mature, Garnet's advice being useless with his problems.

It went over and over again in a vicious cycle of sadness.

Why didn't Steven say anything?

A part inside Connie told her that it was typical of him to not bother anyone with his feelings -whether he needed help or not; the other part of her, though, wanted to smack him in the head.

This kind of rage was pretty familiar in a nasty way. It was the same rage she felt when he turned himself to Aquamarine and Topaz to save them. The anger born from pain and helplessness.

At least this time nor Aquamarine or Topaz or any other gem were trying to kidnap people but...

No! This was much worse!

The bitter familiarity of Steven's issues brought her back to those times when Connie was young and naive, being Pearl's apprentice, training nonstop to protect Steven.

All for him.

Always for him.

DO IT FOR HIM.

'Remember, Connie. In the heat of battle, Steven is the only thing that matters. You. Don't. Matter'

'I. Don't. Matter'

Did Steven was thinking that way about himself? It may be a possibility. One that her mind played treacherously.

Steven hearing a mind projection of himself telling him the same things that Pearl put in her brain so Connie could be a 'perfect knight'.

'Remember, Steven. Every whim, every wish they want to make true you MUST fulfill. That's the only thing that matters.  You. Don't. Matter'

'I. Don't. Matter'

Connie shivered. The sole idea of Steven acting as a servant or a tool was too disturbing for her to find a solution for. Now the question was, what would be the solution to this mess?

Obviously, first of all, she needed to find Steven and talk to him, so asking Lion for a portal-roar ride was step number one.

"Lion, let's go. We need to find Steven"

Much to her surprise and confusion, the magical, pink beast didn't move an inch. He just yawned as if Steven's disappearance wasn't a big deal.

"Lion, this isn't the time for naps! We NEED to find Steven! He could be hurt or something!"

The same reaction, a big yawn, and even Lion stretched to relax and continue sleeping.

She could feel one of her eyes twitching. What the hell was wrong with Lion that day to be this disobedient? Didn't he care about Steven? Had Lion given up on him? There should be a reason for this behavior.

So, Lion is Steven’s magical pet, but he can do his own thing whether he listened to Steven or her. And Steven was gone and must be found, though Lion wasn't cooperating at all. The question is why.

"You won’t help me find Steven not because you don't want to but because you feel it is not the right time to find him, right?"

The big cat purred and Connie took it as a yes.

"Did Steven tell you when would be the time?"

Lion grumbled a bit. That was no.

So, it meant that Lion was using his intuition to know when they could finally start looking for Steven.

Connie kneeled in front of the magical beast and pet him. She thought she had a better connection with Lion whenever she needed him, but this reaction surprised her. It seemed he was more perceptive and thoughtful than she thought.

However, was Lion protecting Steven because of the intuition of something bad happening to the boy if they found him? Or because she was deemed as not ready to deal with Steven?

Whatever it was, it didn't help with her anxiety at all.

------------------------

It was the first time she decided to do this and even her mental representation of Steven would have been against the idea, but she didn't give a crap about her studies when someone she deeply cared about was missing and possibly hurting.

Reflection, despite taking most of her time, was the best way for Connie to piece everything together and find out the reasons of Steven’s departure.

According to the Gems, Steven had quit his job of running Little Homeschool and while the teenager could understand that taking a break was important, there was a sense of off-ness in Steven when he began gardening.

That activity at first seemed like a good hobby in their eyes, but the boy's guardians then saw how it was turning a bit unhealthy when Steven began talking with his plants and flower as if they were humans. His human friends. Saddie, Lars, the Cool Kids, even Connie. Saying things like it was good to have them back and they wouldn't leave him. Never leave him.  No wonder Garnet said it was unhealthy.

Later, things went worse when CactusSteven was born. Pearl told her that it was cute and could even talk, repeating Steven’s words. The Gems were happy about that accomplishment until CactusSteven spit out harsh truths. How Steven felt so lost now that no one needs him, how he couldn't change while others grew up more and more, feeling left behind, stuck without something to fix or someone to save.

Nothing for him to do to show that he was useful and worth keeping around.

Some bitter memories from the past came to her mind while analyzing this, memories from before she met Steven.

Going to school wasn’t as difficult for her because of the studies, Connie was pretty smart after all; however, what she couldn't get was why she couldn't make friends. It was more of moving from a place to another due to her father's job, there was something missing that she couldn't grasp to have a lasting friendship.

She remembered that some months before traveling again and going to the beach that fateful day, Connie had met a girl from her same classes, Samantha.

She was cheerful and exuberant, both had such a good time and helped each other with homework. Though Connie always was the one doing all the job than Samantha, she hadn't minded. Then, when it was time to move again, Samantha said that it would be ok. There were phones, the Internet, it would take time but they'd keep in contact. Connie was hopeful and happy. Yeah, it would work!

Now that she remembered the end of that story, Connie questioned herself like how many Pinks and how many Spinels there are in the world, because days and weeks passed and Samantha never called, never sent a message, never responded to her messages and even when Connie called her once the number was deemed as nonexistent.

What went wrong? Did she have an accident or something? Was she too busy that the promise was forgotten?

During a day, while searching some topic on Google for a project, Connie accidentally made click to a Facebook advertisement and when she was going to get out, she saw Samantha's picture beneath the advertisement. It was a photo of her and other kids their age. She looked happy and having fun like always, which was strange for Connie. Curiosity got the best of her and with a single click, she could enter Samantha's Facebook profile wondering how a kid could be let to do something like that. Shouldn't there be an age restriction or something?

Whatever. That didn't matter.

Connie clicked to the personal data, Samantha's new phone was displayed on the screen of the computer. She thought that maybe, just maybe, talking with her again would be a good idea. Finding out why her friend didn't contact her, catching up. So she memorized the number and grabbed the not-umbilical phone. Two rings later, Samantha's voice was heard.

"Who?"

"H-Hey, Sam. It's me, Connie. Missed me?" she said a bit hopeful and nervous.

"Ahhh, it's you" Connie's mind froze at the annoyance and boredom coming out from her friend's mouth. "What do you want? I'm busy"

Then she heard something breaking, but no plate, glass, or object of porcelain in the house had fallen from its place. Suddenly and without notice, Connie hung up and went back to her room while tears streamed her face.

Later that night, a bit before sleeping, she went again to Samantha's Facebook profile while wondering why. Whether it was to find an answer after the treatment she received or to give her former friend a piece of her mind via inbox, Connie wasn't so sure until she entered the section of photos.

The answer came after some time of thinking.

What all the pictures of Samantha had in common wasn't only that she was there but also that the girl was surrounded by kids who looked meek, shy, kind of bookish and nerdy. Not that Connie was the one to stereotype others anyway. And then, with all that information and reminiscing her time with her former friend, Connie came to a very bitter conclusion: Samantha never wanted a friend, was never looking for one, just some brainiac to use to get good grades without moving a finger!

How could she let that moron played with her?!

That day she stopped making efforts to befriend others despite her desire to get to know other kids.

Though, every time she wanted to get close she questioned herself: what if he/she/they are like Samantha? What if they don't like me? What if I get hurt again? However, Steven saved her from that hole.

Steven who took care of her neon bracelet so he could give it back to her, even if it was in his weird/adventurous way.

Steven who liked her for who she was despite her flaws, her family issues, her fears, and anything else.

Steven who never labeled her as a tool and treasured her dearly.

Steven who always thought about her and cared deeply for her.

Her whole Universe.

And she was his whole universe too. Two birds flying together. Or that's what she imagined it could happen till now.

And yeah, they would go to different places, meet different kinds of people, experience so many things, figure out themselves and what they wanted to do... Until the moment came to reunite again and live their lives together, happily remembering the good and learning from the bad, having their friends and families with them, celebrating a new page of their lives.

But was that what fate had stored for them or what Connie naively portrayed for her and Steven’s future?

Did she think for a second that it would be that simple and fanciful?

Of course not! She knew very well that the path would be long and sometimes hard, confusing even. Though, at this moment, Connie wondered if that is what her narrow-minded imagination had conjured and not what the big picture showed.

Another question came to her mind then. How did the big picture look like for Steven? Did it have a future with love and achievements in his hands? Or was it still something he needed to figure out?

However, if Steven really wanted that, then he could have told the others about him leaving instead of doing it without no one noticing.

This picture was bigger and messier than just trying to find your place in the world. Steven has been struggling silently, his mind planning to take another path like many of his friends have as if his future was waiting for him somewhere else.

No, not his future. His purpose. Because that's equivalent to his future, to what he believed everyone wanted for him, and if there is no purpose in Beach City or Little Homeworld anymore, then what's the point in staying?

With all of this happening and no idea of what to do, Connie had a new perspective about growing up.

Before meeting Steven, it was all about her studies, making her parents proud, being lonely, and not knowing how far she could go. After meeting him and being on his side, she learned new things about the world and herself and witnessed more than she asked. Without Steven, and that wasn’t related at all to the fact that he was missing, she had a separate life from all the gem issues he constantly dealt with.

She knew what she wanted and what she was doing (or that is what her workaholic mind kept telling her), but did she imagine the same for Steven? Did he give himself that chance with so much time to spare and many options?

It didn't seem so. For Connie the alternatives were numerous, for Steven, they were reduced to 2: stay to waste away or find something to do to still be useful. They were going to take different routes until they felt ready to start a life together. Though the one who stayed wasn't Steven at all, even when he felt this way...

It was Connie.

Two seagulls on the shore

One is filled with excitement

The other always feels lost

Smiles fake, strained laughs,

Says he is ready to taste the world

But only burns like Icarus against the sun

[lawgrain]

Not Boyfriends (Phandom)

Fandom: Phandom (Dan and Phil)

Pairings: Take a random guess at it, I’m sure you’ll get it right.

Summary: This is actually a prompt fic. It goes something like this:  “ Where a superhero has to deal with a super villain that thinks they're best friends.” I thought it’d be more fun to do boyfriends instead of best friends. This story has just been chilling out on my laptop (for at least a year), it’s kind of cheesy but I thought I’d post it.

***Those who follow me for Sanders Side, this is not that fandom but I’ll finish that fic up O.o

Story!

Phil's POV

“Put it down.”

“But honey!”

“Why do you insist upon being difficult?”

“Darling, I was getting it for you. I thought it'd be special.”

“For the last time. We. Are. NOT. Dating.”

Phil put his head in his hands out of exasperation. Normally it's a dangerous idea to break eye contact with the enemy but this was a special case.

This was Phantom Dove.

Phil hates him. Primarily because he decided to spend his time pretending Phil was his lover and they most certainly were not.

“Gasp! Are you breaking up with me?”

“Did you actually just say ‘gasp’? And no I'm not breaking up with you because we were never together!” Phil didn't know why he even humors the man.

“Oh good so you're not breaking up with me. And the gasp was for irony so you can't say anything.” Phantom smiled innocently, completely ignoring the latter part of Phil's statement.

They could honestly go all day if Phil didn't put an end to this.

“Just put the jewels down and we’ll get you to the police.”

“Really? Has that ever worked with me before?” Phantom’s voice laced with sarcasm because no, it had not worked. Ever.

“Fine. Shall you start or me?”

“Awe, you know I’d never throw the first punch, love.”

And just like that, they were off. Phil threw a powered punch straight towards Phantoms head. He dodged leaving just barely a space between his nose and Phil's fist. He shot a light beam with his other hand. Again Phantom dodged. Phil heard a shattering of glass behind them where his attack must have landed. He didn't hesitate at the sound and barreled forward with a kick aimed towards his side. This time it landed, shoving Phantom to the floor.

Quickly, the other got up. “You got one in, babe! You're getting so good at thi–” Phil cut him of with lasers streaming from his eyes. And no, not figuratively. Phantom jumped to the other side of the room ten feet away. Phil always hated when he did that. He liked playing a game of cat and mouse where Phil would have to guess where he'd be next.

Phil wasn't having that today. He flew forward, eyes lit up and ready to attack. He got a hold of Phantom and pinned him in the wall a few feet above the ground.

“Oh darling, I didn't know we were going to play kinky today.” He smiled. “Want me to call you daddy?”

Phil sputtered in shock. He wanted to kill Phantom right now. Taking advantage of Phil's hesitation, Phantom electrocuted him.

Phil didn't even see how he did it. Usually the man had to touch his hands to Phil in order to shock him but Phil thought he had the other securely pinned.

That didn't matter now as Phil laid on the floor with an approaching super villain.

“Wow, I hope that didn't hurt too much.” He leaned down and inserted something in Phil's arm. “Don't worry about this. It's just a thing I made that'll keep you still long enough for me to get out of here.” He pulled back and saw what must've been the syringe he put in his arm.

The thief continued to raid the place for more priceless items while Phil was unable to move a muscle. Before long, sirens could be heard in the distance.

“That's my que! I'd tell you when that stuff wears off, but considering your super healing, I don't actually know. Feel free to tell me later. Bye love!”

And then Phantom was gone. The police lost him and by the time Phil was able to move, it was much too late. He had disappeared like a ghost.

After speaking to the police, Phil was finally able to hang up the cape for the night and focus on getting sleep for his day job. Somehow, masquerading as a vigilante in a mask didn't help him make a living. That's why during the day, he worked as a film editor for various companies and people. He liked working on small projects so he could stay at home.

Once he'd considered becoming part of the police force, but luckily his common sense kicked in and he realized that would be too strenuous to keep up when he went out every night. He much preferred the decision he made. He got to put away his false sense of seriousness and be an actual person with friends.

When Phil was younger he couldn't say he had much of a social life. He was awkward and majorly confused at why he could fly and others could not. Later it became known that superpowers were a thing. Sadly, the world found out because of a super villain, but Phil supposed that was how he became the world's first superhero.

Surprisingly, the world wasn't complaining. Not about Phil at least. He knew that the lack of hatred was due mostly to how much crime had gone down in his city. Phil always caught the bad guy and not many with superpowered people were psychotic. The few that were caused unrest and Phil made sure to stop them as quickly as possible.

The only one Phil couldn't seem to catch was Phantom. It was ridiculous that a villain that took nothing seriously could always best Phil. It wasn't like the man was a top priority, but he still irked Phil. Most people had some sort of reason for crime but Phantom Dove made it look like a hobby. No motive, no purpose, just a thing to do. And that made him unpredictable. He lived up to the name Phantom. The man couldn't be found or tracked. He simply appeared for the heck of it and disappeared when things got tough.

Phil couldn’t wait to catch him. He couldn't wait to finally put a name on the obnoxious man. And he certainly couldn't wait to put him in jail.

Dan's POV

Fighting was a fucking bitch.

Dan should've been quicker. Should've dodged that kick better. If there was one thing he envied about Light Knight was his super healing abilities. Actually Dan would be happy with any superpowers.

Oh yeah, that's the real ringer isn't it? The super villain of the city isn't super at all. Not that Dan would sell himself short. His genius inventions had somehow tricked everyone that he was super. Even the city's superhero thought so.

Although that came with some downsides. For example, the hero never held back on Dan. Meaning he always came home with cuts and bruises and today he had a really bad bruise on his ribs. While his suit could absorb the brunt of any blow, he was pretty sure the surrounding neighbors thought he was abused.

Dan had tried stalling the man after that particular attack, but was certain the hero was too focused on winning to hear the strain in his voice. It didn't matter in the end. Dan had won and left with a lot more money than he came in with.

That wasn't the real prize though. No, the real prize was the Light Knight. Dan had been utterly paranoid about the man. He felt unsettled that he could be anybody on the streets and he'd have no idea. Dan set out to fix this and put a tracker on him while he was paralyzed.

Sure there were some ethical things being broken here, but Dan wanted to feel safe. So what if that involved violating someone's privacy? Then again Dan could've picked a less dangerous occupation if he wanted security.

Too late now.

Taking some pain medication, Dan took to looking at where the tracker was. Needless to say, he was beyond relieved to find out the hero wasn't a neighbor. That was somehow a worse case scenario to Dan. But it wasn't to be because when the man had settled for the night, he was not in Dan's area.

This brought Dan to phase two. He wanted to know the man's name. For others this would be hard but something tells him that no one knows of his side hobby: hacking.

He knows that his life decisions were morally ambiguous, but fuck society.

He had actually picked up the hobby as a thing of boredom. He wanted access to things the internet simply refused to supply and Dan just wasn't okay with that. He didn't know at the time that he was going to become a criminal, but it certainly didn't hurt when he accessed Light Knight’s building security, traced the footage from when he entered the building and then to the when the man arrived at his flat. And it really helped when he searched for the homeowners name of said flat.

Philip Lester. A rather disappointing name in Dan's opinion.

He supposed it was alright but he was sort of hoping for better material to tease the man with. Dan was fully aware that he shouldn’t piss off a guy with powers, but he couldn't help it. When he put on his suit he could be anyone he wanted. And he wanted to tease the straight-laced grumpy hero who was apparently called “Phil”.

Phil was the first thing that gave him actual happiness in a long time. He had been in the middle of a more complicated heist when they had met. Honestly, it wasn't extremely complicated other than the fact that Dan was apparently working with idiots. One of which would've gotten Dan killed, accidentally knocking him from the roof of a building, if it weren't for Light Knight catching him. For that reason, Dan wasn't even upset that his temporary partners were caught. In fact, it gave Dan the chance to sneak away.

After he started engaging with the hero as much as possible. Dan had never met a man that would give a criminal a second thought— someone who would save a criminal. He was used to people who shoot first and asked questions later. Once he'd gotten to know the hero more, Dan found himself enjoying their banter and quick quips. It got to the point where Dan thought they had a sort of relationship.

And not a romantic one. He wasn't delusional. That type of bantering started when he found out how much it bothered Light Knight and only then did he start to use flirting at every turn. It was refreshing to be able to do things he'd never do with the mask off. As Phantom Dove he could be confident, flirty and silly. As Dan Howell he was just a quiet depressing loner. Given his options, Dan chose to go with the thrill of being Light Knight’s friendly enemy. The relationship wasn't necessarily a positive one... But if a rivalry was the only connection Dan could have with someone, he'd take it.

He doubted the hero genuinely hated him though. Believe it or not, Dan wasn't the only bad guy around. While he relied on technology for crime, others actually did have superpowers. They also had no qualms about killing others which Dan would never do. If it's destruction and theft, count Dan in, but if it's world domination and murder, he wants no part in the deal. He thinks Light Knight just is pissed that he can't catch Dan. Well that and Dan insists on making suggestive comments to him.

Plus there was that one time he went overboard and said Light Knight was his boyfriend on national tv. The next time they saw each other he received some bruises that lasted a month.

Worth it.

For now though, all Dan had on his mind was how he was going to use this information to get under Phil's skin. He wouldn't deal out the information to others but there was no way he wasn't going to have some fun with this.

He couldn't wait.

Chapter 2

[catalystrpg]

“the kid”

name: aaron mandelbaum

age: 22

fc: logan lerman

and tryin’ to chase the light, the time arrives, the time that leads back home, it’s not hard to let go

Aaron Mandelbaum was born in Louisville, Kentucky, to a family of middle class aspirations in a middle class neighborhood. Father: officer worker, failed playwright, played bingo unironically. Mother: manicurist, drove a baby blue secondhand Chevrolet, a Long Island émigré under mysterious circumstances. His mother always used to wave away death. “Look at me,” she’d demand, gesturing with red talons, “do I look like the kind of person who gets sick?” Spoiler alert: she did, and she was. Stage whatever ovarian cancer. The kicker is they’d known about it for years. Aaron spent half his childhood with his face pressed to the car window, watching his father help her across the parking lot to the clinic, where they’d sit for hours in air conditioned boredom, waiting patiently for more bad news.

Of course, it might not have been like that at all. Actually, now that he thinks about it, wasn’t this the plot to that movie he saw the weekend before the world ended?

His great uncle never told him the details. Shlomo was old even when Aaron was a child. He wore a neatly trimmed grey beard, and wore horn-rimmed glasses that might have been cool fifty years ago. What Aaron did know to be true was the bingo thing. Every Friday evening, even when Aaron was in high school, he and his uncle drove downtown and went to the JCC to socialize with the newly retired and divorcees. Aaron used to flit from table to table for gossip (”Like a damn fruit fly,” Shlomo growled), which he’d avidly recount once they were in the car driving home, his uncle feigning disinterest (”Don’t tell me, don’t tell me! …Wait, so Cynthia is doing what now? That dumb hack.”). Shlomo, incidentally, was a sports reporter for the local news, and he was keen on greyhound racing. For a long time growing up Aaron wanted to do something similar. Next to comic books, and terrible cult horror films, Aaron had one other passion: baseball.

Baseball was what got him into college. He couldn’t wait to leave the block he’d spent his whole life on; he’d already shed his high school friends with little more than a shrug and a wave. Ideally he wanted out of Louisville: he told his uncle to close his eyes and stick a pin in the map, and wherever it ended up, he’d attend. Shlomo, the bastard, peeked, so Aaron ended up going to Kentucky State, which was predictably awful. Aaron made little effort. Back home his eccentricity was cute, even trademarked, but in college it only stamped him out as a social outlier. It didn’t help that he engaged with any debate in any class; wore Adidas slideseverywhere; and once vomited so energetically at a campus party that, rumor had it, he stained the frat house carpet. The sport was what saved him, really. Aaron didn’t care that people put up with him for the games he brought home - he didn’t even care that the only guys interested in him had seen some online footage of his top ten home runs. Popularity was a con, Aaron wasn’t an idiot, and besides, he liked the attention. Had always liked the attention, actually.

Attention is what he brought to the disease when it first broke out. In the beginning it was little more than the common cold, or so the story went. But half of Aaron’s team was struck down in a few days, and then the lecture crowds thinned, and then he looked up while studying late in the library one evening to find himself entirely alone - and it was finals week. Aaron doesn’t really do panic. But he did immediately jump on the forums to see what was happening. And some of the posts that were trending prompted him to drop everything, and drive home to Louisville immediately.

What happened next is… well, kind of morally bankrupt. The thing is, Aaron actually had quite a large following online. This was gained partly through his sportsmanship, but then he got into streaming games, and then participated in a couple of infamous flame wars, and then he had a cool half a million hanging onto his every post, Tweet, anything you can think of. When he returned to Louisville, Aaron knew Shlomo was sick. He’d seen sick people before, after all. Unlike his mother, Shlomo didn’t deny a thing. He refused to go to the local clinics popping up, and forbade Aaron from leaving their house. The only channel Aaron had to the outside world was an online one. Thus began his live-blogging of his uncle’s slow, painful death.

In times of disaster, the internet is a force to be reckoned with. Aaron was glued to the forums, scanning feverishly for any new information. He fought down his mounting excitement and concentrated on the imminent reality: that sooner or later, he’d have to leave town, probably Kentucky, and he needed to be ready. Shlomo died on a Monday afternoon not two weeks into the national emergency - it took that long for his body to finally stop battling the inevitable. Aaron didn’t waste any time. He bundled their dog into his uncle’s old rattling car, packed a bag, grabbed his bat, and hit the road. Driving was one way to drown out the mounting panic that pressed against the inside of his skull. Because being outside, in the real world, was so much fucking worse than any game, or show, or comic, or forum. He’d almost dismissed some of the posts online, thinking them to be blowing things out of proportion. And the news reports on television had to be exaggerated for viewing appeal… right? He was wrong. So fucking wrong.

Stumbling upon the group was a major turning point for Aaron, primarily because without them, he has no doubt he would have died. Driving with no plan was not a smart idea; nor was avoiding all quarantine safe zones. Sure, those places ended up being overrun, but it might have bought him some time. Instead he had to run on the sniff of an oily rag, relying on his quick-thinking… and his six hundred hours logged on The Last of Us (shut up, leave him alone). It’s safer, Aaron thinks, to pretend like this is a game: an open-world post-apocalyptic MMO. Despite his posturing and casual bravado, that fantasy is so much easier than the reality. Because the world is actually gone. And in a comic reversal of his parents’ death, he has no estranged family figure to swoop in and rescue him.

He’s alone.

“the leader”: it could be the lack of a father figure in his life or just the need to keep on the man’s good side, but he’s finding himself asking the leader more and more questions. wanting to learn more, wanting to be better. when things go wrong, he’s the only one he trusts. he knows the man is struggling and doesn’t want to be friends, but, he could really use a friend right now.

“the dead weight”: he sees her and in turn, sees himself. sees what the others think of him. weak, a burden. too innocent, too naive. but in fact, he knows the truth about himself and her. they’re learning to adapt, learning to grow, that has to be a form of strength - right? shes scared and he doesn’t blame her. it’s nice to have her around, though. she’s one of the few that he can actually relate to and not feel like a kid around.

“the liar”: the others don’t trust him, but he does. he’s the only one he can joke around with and relax. they share a similar dry humor and that, is so much more important then anyone could’ve ever known. he tries to take things lightly, which he enjoys. the world is so fucking shitty and depressing now, it’s nice to have someone who can still separate the serious situations and light hearted ones.

[struggling-adultfangirl]

The Weight Is Gone Ch. 4

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary:  Dean and Y/N are friends with benefits, but no one ever said that didn’t come without its complications.

Warnings: I don’t wanna say attempted rape but I can’t think of a nicer way to say it, so its gonna stay that way. If this triggers you do yourself a favor and just skip the bold part.

Word Count: 1,769

“Oops sorry!” You say as you crash into a body. You quickly realize that it’s Vanessa and start walking even faster back to your room.

“Hey, its Y/N right?”

You stop and turn around, “Yeah, hi. Vanessa.” You wave awkwardly.

“Listen, we haven’t had a chance to talk and mainly I think it’s that this place is so big, but I just wanted to say thanks for being so inviting and keeping Dean alive with all of your cooking. Your lasagna the other day was really good.” She took a step towards you and gave you a hug.

“It’s really no big deal? I’ve always liked cooking and it’s really nice to have someone to cook for. It helps that both Sam and Dean eat enough food to feed a small army.”

“Yeah I’ve seen,’ she laughs, ‘Well it was really nice seeing you and I hope we can get along better in the future.” She hugs you again and starts walking back to Deans room. You’re standing in the middle of the hallway confused and on the verge of a panic attack. She really thinks that you and Dean are just friends and in a messed up way she is right. Dean has never hinted at wanting anything from you other than sex. You shook your head as if to rid yourself of the thought and walked back into your room. After spending some time in your room bored out of your mind you decided to look for Sam to see if he could offer any entertainment.

“Hey Sammy, are you busy?” You asked as you pushed his door open.

Sam looked up from his computer, “Hey Y/N. Whats going on?” You took off your shoes and moved to sit next to him on his bed, “Dean is here with his girl again and I’m bored.”

“Is she the reason for the boredom?”

“No just trying to avoid her and frying my brain on the internet is not the best way to spend my time. I need human interaction.”

Sam laughed, “Want to watch a movie with me? It still fries your brain, but you get to watch it with company.” He shrugged.

“Yeah lets do it.” He nods and starts the movie. After the movie is over you head into the kitchen and get snacks for you and Sam and start another. This continues until you both fall asleep. You wake up around 2 am uncomfortably hot, Sams arm was around your waist and his hair tickling your neck. You push his arm off of you, close the laptop, and start heading in the direction of your room.

You felt as if you had just fallen asleep when you start feeling a hand brushing your hair back. “What?”

“Shh, hey sweetheart it’s just me” Dean whispered.

“Whats going on?”

“Missed you, wanted to see if I could sleep with you” and you feel your heart stop in your chest. Dean had always made you feel special even when you knew that he was just using you, but this was a new low, he had never made you feel like a thing. Sensing your panic he rephrased what he said, “Not like that, just really wanna sleep. With you. Just cuddle.”

You nodded yes and lifted the blankets so he could get under. Once he got settled you turned to look at him. “Did Vanessa leave?” Dean doesn’t immediately answer and kisses you instead. “Dean? Did she leave?”

“No,’ he nuzzles your neck, ‘she’s in my room, but it’s not the same. You’re better, always better’ and he moves to kiss you again. This shouldn’t be happening, it’s not fair. Vanessa really believes that you and Dean are friends and while you may love him with all of your heart Dean does not deserve to have to women at his beck and call. You try to push him away and he pushes against you even harder. His kisses get more fierce and his hands are skirting on the bottom of your top, “Dean we really should not be doing this.” He ignores you in favor of sucking a hickie on your neck. “Dean?” He mumbles something along the lines of ‘every things fine’ and starts pushing your shirt up. “Dean stop!” You yell pushing at his shoulder and jumping out of the bed as best you could. Your leg gets caught on the blanket and you fall face first on the floor but at least you’re away from Dean. “Dean this isn’t okay and you need to go!” You’re almost hysterical now and on the verge of tears. Dean is looking at you confused not quite sure of what is going on, before he can say something to you Sam rushes into the room gun out ready to shoot. “What’s going on in here Y/N are you okay?” You run to Sam with tears already streaming down your face and hug him. “Dean did you do this to her?” Sam demands.

“I didn’t do anything Sammy, just came to talk to Y/N and things got out of hand.” Sam turns to look at you, “Is that true Y/N?”

“Kinda, he said he wanted to sleep with me and that was okay, but it’s not okay. Not what he was trying to do.” That was when Sam spotted the love bite on your neck and suddenly he was furious. “Go to my room okay? I’ll meet you there in a little bit I’m just gonna talk to Dean.”

—

“What the hell Dean! What were you thinking!?”

“Sam I’m sorry I just can’t control myself around her. I thought it was okay and that she was okay with what was happening, but I was wrong. I took it too far and I owe her an apology.”

“You owe her more than that Dean. Your girlfriend is still here! She is less that 50 feet away and you thought Y/N would be okay with you having sex with her. You need to pick one or the other because the way that you’re treating both of them is not fair. Pick one and make sure you’re making the right choice because Y/N wont forgive you easily, especially after tonight.” Sam gave his brother one final look before heading back into his room.

—

You spent the night in Sams room and when you woke up in the morning you were dreading running into Dean again. You heard a soft knock on the door, “Who?”

“It’s me.” Sam said walking slowly into the room. “Wanted to check in and see if you slept well. I know that what happened last night must have been scary and that you probably don’t want to see Dean right now.”

“Yeah, is he here?”

“Actually he was out before I even woke up today. He took Vanessa with him. I talked to him last night and I hope that he made the right decision.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that it’s not fair to you or Vanessa to have you on retainer for when he gets bored. I told him that he needed to pick one of you. I know I must have over stepped a little because I know you love him Y/N but if you aren’t going to be his only choice maybe it’s time for you to move on. For your sake.”

“You’re right Sam… It’s going to be hard, but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m hiding from a woman in my own home and no one should live like that.” He gives you a hug before heading out of the room.

—

The rest of the morning was fairly silent and you mostly did chores and processed what had happened the night before. Sure Dean may have not meant to hurt you, but he did and you were going to have to talk to him about it. As soon as you had maid that decision Dean walked into the bunker. “Hey Y/N, can we talk?”

You put down the book you had just picked up, “Yeah sure. What about?”

“Not here… wanna grab a bite with me so we can talk.” You knew that he was nervous to be talking in the bunker when Sam was here and that food would make it easier for both of you to talk about your feelings. “Sure let me just grab a jacket.”

—

The car ride was silent. You didn’t talk when he arrived at the diner, didn’t talk when you ordered your food and didn’t talk when the waitress brought you your coffee. You didn’t know where to start and you also wanted an apology. You were staring at your coffee until Dean cleared his throat. “I wanted to start by saying that I’m sorry about what I did last night and that I am no longer with Vanessa.”

“Were you ever really with her?” You bite back before taking a drink from your coffee.

“No I guess not. I can’t say that we were in a relationship when the entire time I was thinking about being with you instead.” You look up when you hear that, “I thought that if I separated the two, me wanting to be in a relationship with you and what worked well, us being friends with benefits, I wouldn’t hurt you. I know that this life we chose doesn’t come with a lot of happiness and when you finally find it something always manages to ruin it. I didn’t want to admit to myself that me and you could be something because that would make it real and if its real that means someone can use it against me. All of that doesn’t matter in the long run though, because I ended up being the person that ruined it, I lost you and broke your trust all in one night.”

“Dean,’ you sigh, ‘I love you okay? I love you so much that I was willing to be your other woman just to have something with you, but I don’t know if I can forgive you for what happened last night. You’ve never treated me like that and it scared me.”

“Y/N I’m so sorry for the way that I acted last night and I want you to know that it will never happen again. Sweetheart I would die before I let anything bad happen to you and if you’re willing, I’d like a chance to prove it to you.

Fic Tags: @1967-chevy-impala-called-roscoe @havlindzk

Hey so this took a lil bit to get done due to getting caught up in doing homework and listening to a fuck ton of latin trap music. (Please don’t ask, it’s a story I can’t even explain.) ANYWAYS... let me know what you think and as always feedback makes the world go round.

[ketogenicpathway-blog]

10 Tips to get you back on track

Found this read online.. thought I would share. MAY 30, 2015 TOP 10 TIPS FOR GETTING BACK ON TRACK WITH YOUR LOW CARB DIET We all falter sometimes. If you want to get back on track with your healthy low carb or keto diet, keep reading. The best tips from the low carb experts! Best Tips for Getting Back to a Healthy Low Carb or Keto Diet Okay, so you fell off the wagon with a resounding thud. Maybe it was a one-time indiscretion and you just cheated a little, or maybe you’ve been off the wagon for days or weeks. Or even months. But you’ve picked yourself up and you want to clamber back on as soon as possible. You’re covered in dust from your fall, you ache all over, but that wagon is sitting there waiting for you, ready to welcome you back with open arms. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. Sounds easy but sometimes it can seem absolutely monumental. I get it. I am writing this because I had a little fall of my own recently. It was only a meal’s worth of cheating but it made me feel absolutely awful the next day. Shaky, bloated, exhausted, tummy issues, the works. In spite of that, or perhaps because of it, I knew I had to get back on track right away. My health is too important to me to let things go any further. But I know I will fall again and so I thought it might be helpful to talk about those little tips and tricks that help you get back to your healthy diet a little more easily. 1. Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up! If you read nothing else but this one tip, that’s fine. But please take this advice to heart, because it is far and away the most important tip I am going to share. I am part of a lot of forums for low carb and Keto diets and there is always someone flagellating themselves for cheating, for failing, for not having the willpower to stick it out. Well guess what? We ALL fail at this sometimes. Let’s face it, we live in a sugar and gluten-filled world. Unless we are hermits that don’t ever leave the house, we are faced with temptation daily – at work, at social functions, on television, on the internet. It’s all around us and the wonder of it is that we don’t give in more often! I find it heartbreaking sometimes, the way people who slip beat themselves up. Just think about it for a second. You wouldn’t talk to a friend or a loved one that way when they’d slipped, would you? Then why on earth do you talk to yourself that way? And let’s be honest, some of that self-loathing might be part of what brought you here in the first place. So take a deep breath and repeat after me. “I am human. I had a moment of failure. And I will probably fail again. That’s okay. What’s important is that I keep on trying”. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, shake it off! 2. Don’t excuse your behaviour. Own it. So I said we all fail sometimes, and we do. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold yourself accountable. It isn’t someone else’s fault that you scarfed down that pizza or dove head first into a plate of Oreos. Be an adult and recognize that you did this to yourself and the consequences suck. And then ask yourself why. Did you forget to eat before you went to the party and arrived so hungry you monopolized the buffet? Were you running errands all day, taking kids to soccer and not stashing a low carb high fat snack for yourself? Or was emotional eating? Or boredom eating (which I am very prone to!)? Or did you do the old “oh one bite won’t hurt. Okay maybe three or four bites won’t hurt. Oh hey…somehow I ate the whole thing!” Then make note of the situations in which you are more likely to succumb to temptation and do your damnedest to avoid them. Preparation is key! 3. Take notes or keep a journal. You feel pretty bad, don’t you? Beyond the guilt and anger at yourself, you probably don’t feel very well physically either. Going off the rails and eating carbs and sugar with abandon might seem pretty fun at the time, but most of us experience some serious discomfort the next day. Tummy aches, head aches, inflammation if we have dietary sensitivities. It isn’t pretty, but it can also be good motivation for getting back on track. Sadly, however, it’s quite easy to forget how awful certain foods make us feel once we are feeling better. Writing it down can help a great deal. Remember how you used to re-copy your notes in high school, in order to better remember them for a test? Same thing here. The simple act of putting it in writing makes it all the more real and vivid. But be sure to write down how much better you feel when you stick to the plan too. A great comparison for future reference! Low Carb Paleo Greens, Eggs and Ham Salad 4. Eat Salad for Breakfast. Or don’t eat any breakfast at all. For me, eating a whole plate of low carb vegetables is like hitting the reset button. It feels clean, it tastes clean, and I swear it cleans out my head a little too. A large part of that may be mental, like feeling as if I am eating the antidote to a poison I consumed the day before, but it hardly matters. If it helps reset my palate, it’s a good thing. But it’s okay to skip breakfast too, as long as you don’t see it as a punishment for the prior day’s indiscretions. Intermittent fasting is widely recognized as a healthy practice, and it’s also a great way to hit the reset button. And just giving your body a chance to work through all the junk you ate before you eat anything else is helpful. Wait until you truly feel hunger again before sitting down to another meal is crucial. Then be sure to your next meal is solidly low carb or keto. Be sure to savour it and enjoy it, to remind yourself of why this way of eating is worth sticking to. no shoes required 5. Get Moving! My husband taught me that the best cure for a hangover is a 5k run. No, I am not kidding, it works. And it works for food hangovers too. You aren’t going to feel great when you get out there. In fact, you will probably feel a little like dog poo. Or a lot like dog poo. It won’t be your best athletic performance ever. It may even hurt a little at the beginning and you will wonder why the heck you are doing it. But afterwards, you will feel so much better and you will be that much further along to ridding your body of the junk you ate. It doesn’t have to be a run or anything super high intensity. But you do want to raise your heart rate a little and it helps to break a sweat. It helps your body digest a little better, it clears your head, and it helps your cells uptake the extra insulin and glucose that might be floating around in your blood stream. And, if I can be frank, it helps get your bowels moving too. Which we all know makes us feel better after a binge! 6. Sip water and other clear, low carb liquids. A bit cliche, perhaps, but I find this to be crucial in flushing out my system. Don’t go overboard and drink gallons upon gallons or you will dilute the critical salts your body requires. But simply sipping at a cool, clear liquid can make you feel a little more on track. If you’re sick of the taste of water, herbal teas (hot or cold, with or without sweetener) can help. And if you’re prone to boredom eating, as I am, sipping something with a little flavour can help ease the urge to stuff your mouth. Need something a little more satisfying and comforting? Try sipping warm bone broth to fill you up without carbs. Also try adding a little turmeric to your bone broth for both flavour and the anti-inflammatory properties. All the carbs and sugars and such you’ve been eating can aggravate inflammation so anything you can do to mitigate it will make you feel a lot better. no alcohol 7. Cut out the alcohol. I’m a girl who likes her nightly glass of wine and I am not afraid to admit it. But after succumbing to temptation, I find I am better to skip the wine for a day or two. I am working on flushing the toxins out of my system and there’s no question that alcohol is a toxin. And given its propensity to lower our inhibitions, wine makes me less likely to stick to the plan of getting back on track. So a few days of tee-totalling make me feel more clear-headed and healthy. 8. Find a buddy or a support group. The benefits here are twofold: support and accountability. Sometimes we really suck at making promises to ourselves. They’re only in our head after all, so it’s pretty easy to pretend we never made them in the first place. But when you say it out loud to a friend or a support group, you feel it’s that much harder to break. And in this day and age, there’s simply no excuse for not having someone to make promises to. Even if you don’t have any in-person friends that support this low carb lifestyle, there are numerous groups and forums. And most of the time, people are incredibly supportive and helpful, with amazing ideas to help you stay the course. 9. Don’t deprive or punish yourself. Whatever you do, don’t go nuts and exercise like a fiend while subsisting on salad for days on end. That’s never the way to do it. If you feel deprived, you will almost inevitably succumb to the next round of temptation. I’m the rebellious type myself. When I feel restricted or limited, I tend to lash out in frustration and thumb my nose at the limitations, going overboard in the opposite direction. And a proper low carb diet should be the antithesis of deprivation anyway. So fill up on those good healthy fats to keep your appetite and cravings under control. Pan-Seared Pork Chops with Roasted Poblano Sauce 10. Search out some new fun recipes. Get excited about cooking and eating this way again! Look here, friends. I’ve got a whole blog filled with hundreds of low carb recipes for your eating pleasure. And there are a number of other wonderful blogs creating amazing recipes to satisfy your hunger. Getting into the kitchen and cooking up some of your favourites, or a few new ones that catch your eye, is the best way to get back on plan. The food is beyond delicious and if you remind yourself of that, you may wonder why you ever fell off the wagon in the first place! Words of Wisdom from fellow low carb experts! Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.50.49 PM Maria Emmerich of Keto Adapted: Remember how you feel when you cheat. Maybe journal about how your body and mind feels; but however you record that moment just remember that a moment of that indulgence created a whole day or more of feeling awful. Get your cooking inspiration on and start tomorrow as day one. Plan plan plan equals success! Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.51.37 PM Lisa MarcAurele of Low Carb Yum: After indulging in off limit foods, it’s important to think about the reasons why you made the change to a low carb lifestyle whether it be weight management or better health. Keeping a record of your progress is often helpful so you can look at how far you’ve come and clearly see why you don’t want to go back. It’s also great to have a low carb support network that you can turn to for encouragement if you need help getting back on track. Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.51.14 PM Sooze Gibbs of Fluffy Chix Cook: Newsflash! We’ve all hit a roadbump, a snag in the low carb keto river and washed out, landing face down in our favorite “fill-in-your-high-carbage-poison-here.” And reality? We’ve lived to tell about it. What you need to know is that you are a winner as long as you get up one time more than the number of times you fall down. Fall down. Get up. Make the VERY next bite, the best, most true low carb bite you can possibly make it. Get RIGHT back on your gameplan. Don’t wait and don’t use the fall as an excuse to take the day off, the week off, the month off…cuz trust a Fluffy Chix, sometimes Monday never comes. And you do NOT want to become part of the daily news with film of your epic fall-from-low-carb-grace at 11. Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.59.00 PM Mellissa Sevigny of I Breathe…I’m Hungry: This goes against convention and your natural impulse to stay in denial, but what helps me is to get on the scale IMMEDIATELY. Even if the damage isn’t apparent yet, it will hold you accountable and you’ll see that number going up even if it’s in your head and it will remind you how far you’ve come (and maybe how far you still have to go.) The tendency is to avoid the scale out of guilt and shame, but then the consequences of going off the rails are easier to ignore because they aren’t staring up at you in plain sight. The damage will show on the scale before it shows in your clothes which might not happen for days or even a week, and by then if you’re still binging you could have already gained 5 pounds or more. Getting on the scale right away for me is more likely to stop my cheating in its tracks and get me back on the wagon before any significant damage is done. Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.52.05 PM Elviira Krebber of Low Carb, So Simple: After cheating, listen to your body and wait until you are truly hungry (drink water first to check that you are not thirsty). Then eat a meal that consists of relatively high amount of protein (I prefer chicken or salmon), high amount of fat (like mayonnaise or butter) and almost no carbs (so a real LCHF meal). Eat until you are satisfied — this is important — but don’t overeat. When you are satisfied with protein and fat, you get back on track easier and it’s less likely that you start craving for something unhealthy. Moreover, after a LCHF meal it takes hours before you feel the need to eat something. Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.53.19 PM Martina Slajerova of Keto Diet App: What works for me if I eat more carbs than I should is a long walk or some kind of cardio exercise either the same day or the day after. Cardio will help you get rid of excess sugar from your cheat meal. Then for about a week I avoid treats (even healthy low-carb treats) and nuts. I also eat less or no dairy. I just stick with simple foods like eggs, leafy greens and non-starchy vegetables, meat, avocados, lots of olive oil and coconut oil. Screen Shot 2015-05-29 at 12.53.34 PM Brenda Bennett of Sugar Free Mom: You made a mistake, no one’s perfect, you don’t need to be perfect to make a sustainable sugar free lifestyle that works for you. Intense sweat sessions always make me feel better. Planning ahead and tracking my food for the next meal or next day after a difficult day of poor choices always helps.