#what are they gonna do with the BIGGEST character death in the series

[bakudekublogblog]

i hear you and I agree with everything you’re saying and I also miss izuku’s thoughts about kacchan but also izuku also looks at kacchan like this

It's horrible to be utterly convinced that Katsuki is in love with Izuku without really being able to say definitively that Izuku is in love with Katsuki...aghh there's so much to say about certain hints and very overt things for Mr. "Kacchan Bakugou" but I feel like I haven't seen...or more accurately heard how Izuku feels. I know he loves him but Is he in love with him? Can I say that without thinking I could be wrong? No I don't think I can...but damnit! The parallels to other straight and gay couples in media is so interesting like the Berserk ref in cover 37...or the pretty constant references to taro cards...Izuku the devil in between togachako's lovers ((WHAT DOES THAT MEAN SERIOUSLY)), the three of swords in the blackwhip explosion...the "WAH--CCHAN!!" ref to a romance trope as well as to Blue Flag...the "share a crepe with" line also potentially Blue Flag..."TROY" and the battle being referenced OUT THE WAZOO with Achilles and Patroclus playing out almost exactly as the Illid described ((Literally THE most famous couple of gaybos in all historical literature--they are well known for being speculative lovers! It's mentioned in English classes when you read it))...Katsuki's parents...Katsuki's parents...the way other manga like "name I can't remember..." where they would reference MHA outright with the girl falling down and then refusing to take the male lead's hand to get up. It feels like so much but also nothing at all because all of it (( no matter how overt)) is STILL being read into from subtext. idk I think I just needed to vent.

[butterflydm]

Wheel of Time 3x08 - He Who Comes With the Dawn

Spoilers through all of s3 and through the entire book series through A Memory of Light.

The second Siuan Sanche started giving that absolute banger of a speech, I knew she was gonna die for real. You don't give that kind of speech when you get to go on afterwards as a character. That was a series-defining speech.

So, similarly to 3x07, we had one heartbreaking heroic death (Loial and Siuan) and one villain death (Valda and Sammael).

One of the things that I'd been wondering, on and off, on a practical level, was if the show was gonna lose four powerhouse actresses all at once (Moiraine, Liandrin, Siuan, and Lanfear) -- and we did end up keeping three.

My biggest worry about both Moiraine and Lanfear living was that we would basically have early s4 be a repeat of late s3, since Moiraine and Lanfear would just end up squaring off again, but the emotional stakes did change strongly for both characters, so maybe it won't feel repetitive even if they do.

Moiraine acknowledging that she's been suspecting all this time that Lanfear was torturing Egwene but she let it go on, hoping that it would break things off between both Rand & Egwene and Rand & Lanfear -- she's ruthless. We already knew that.

One of the things I had been wondering and waiting for this season was Rand and Moiraine actually being on the same page, which they are for a time in the books but that they didn't achieve here until Rand goes and talks to her in the tent before the big fight, so it looks like we are going to get that section of their relationship in early s4 (if we get renewed, etc). And Moiraine will be the one to teach Rand his lessons in emotional distance, which will be even stronger given that she's suffered a terrible grief, and she does go with him into the wetlands and etc, so all of that will be happening.

We got confirmation here that Moiraine and Siuan did have a bond of some kind, because Moiraine felt it when Siuan died. And that was kinda a mirror of Moiraine's 'death' in the books, though Siuan's actual death was pretty heavily confirmed here.

I did love pretty much everything we got with Rand. He was great in this episode. I will break that down more at a later point, but I was really happy with his scene with Lanfear; I liked his presentation with the Aiel; I liked the thunderstorm. It does seem like that whispered "Ilyena" was all we got of LTT this season, though, so they're saving more for s4 (which I really hope we get).

Poor Aviendha is, like, attacking herself ruthlessly (not that anyone but Aviendha is aware of it) when she's trying to tell Egwene that Egwene can't possibly still want to be with Rand.

And we had the echo of 3x01, where Egwene tells Rand to let go and to stop, and he's... I mean, that's not his plan? He's kinda doing what he intended to do. But she's disturbed by the extent of the power that he's wielding.

I'm guessing the controversial choice that one of our characters makes is Nynaeve essentially gift-wrapping the collar and handing it over to Liandrin, because she was hoping that she could reach her and turn her away from the Shadow, so that was an intriguing subversion of what Siuan had been hoping -- instead of Liandrin's feelings for Nynaeve being a weakness, it was Nynaeve's feelings for Liandrin that were a weakness. And it did lead to Nynaeve's block being broken, perhaps, so... you know, I guess it's a mixed-bag for Nynaeve.

And we did see the consequences of breaking the Dark Oath (which feels like one of the primary reasons that we got the Lan-Melindhra stuff this season, then, to show us what happens when a Darkfriend straight-up refuses to follow their oath).

I do want to get a couple of minor ship-related frustrations for me personally out of the way -- I wasn't thrilled that it was Egwene who interrupted Rand's scene where he was mourning Alsera, instead of it being Aviendha. And I wasn't thrilled that my least-favorite option for saving Mat was the one who saved him all by herself (with zero help from Nynaeve) and who got the CPR scene. Not enough to actually lower my opinion of the episode, but very much the case where I'm aware that my enjoyment of those specific scenes would have been higher if different characters had been involved.

Okay, I said it and now I will move on.

We got some Elayne & Thom bonding, and we got Thom revealing the truth about Gaebril (or as much as he can reveal) so that does feel like it moves up the time-table for Caemlyn. And I loved Thom attempting (once again!) to make his noble last stand but Elayne sneaking around and all of us learning how balefire works. And now Elayne has a reality-gun, so that's probably better than the Black Ajah having it.

Liandrin and Moggy are going to be teaming up for s4 (if we get it, etc), which honestly makes me feel even more like we could have trimmed some of those Liandrin backstory scenes in order to get some better insight into Egwene in episodes 3x02-3x05.

Rahvin did not appear to join Lanfear in her trek into the desert to try to murder Rand, but maybe they will team up in s4, which would be convenient for Rand & Elayne to work against them together, perhaps.

We didn't get confirmation of where Team Tanchico is going but hopefully Tear.

Mat did not get any prophecies, which was interesting. It kinda fits with the show being more prophecy-lite than the books and only using them when they really plan to do something with them relatively soon. I did enjoy his scene with the Eelfinn.

So he asked for protection from Power (including the One Power but Mat was kinda general there, so I wonder if his medallion might even protect from the True Power in the show) -- that's the foxhead medallion -- he asked for a way out, and he asked to be fixed. I'm guessing we'll see the consequences of those in s4 (hopefully, etc). And he did die, which releases him from the Horn, so that's now open for the show.

I definitely need to do a lot of thinking. It still seems clear to me that Tear is the most likely destination for Team Waste & Team Tanchico in 4x01, and those two sets of plotlines will line back up. And Perrin has his new bespoke Whitecloak plotline.

With Siuan dead, I am... I am very curious about what Moiraine's ultimate fate will be in the show, I have to say.

Okay, let's go through our set-ups and see what paid off:

Tanchico Plotline Setups:

Liandrin & co vs Team Light in the Search for the Collar; the Black Ajah having some powerful ter'angreal.

Nynaeve was helpless to protect herself twice in 3x01.

Nynaeve's relationship with Liandrin will come into play.

Nynaeve made a promise to help Mat.

Mat has the set-up of the twisted stone doorway and the snakes and foxes, and hanging.

Mat's fear from the Lanfear attack was that he would be helpless to aid his friends when they needed him.

Payoffs:

Liandrin's relationship with Nynaevea came into play, but the opposite way as I expected!

Nynaeve's promise to Mat didn't really figure in at all, but she did break her block, it appears.

Liandrin & Moggy ended up with the collar, but Elayne has the balefire rod.

Mat went through the doorway.

White Tower Setups:

Siuan calling Liandrin to the Hall for judgement will circle around to Siuan being the one to face judgement. "The Hall would have no choice but to... ... depose me".

Leane was firmly on Siuan's side all through the season and will share in at least some of her fate.

Verin was unprepared for betrayal in 3x01 - does she do better here?

The final Black Ajah Sister of the four 'hearts' that Liandrin connected was still unknown.

How much does Siuan & Moiraine's connection get touched on?

Payoffs:

Confirmation that Siuan and Moiraine had a magical bond in the most heartbreaking way. Siuan suffers the fate that she was going to condemn Liandrin to, but her spirit remained unbroken to the end.

We did not see Leane die, so I am currently assuming she's still alive.

Verin was once again unprepared for betrayal.

We did not get the reveal of the final Black Ajah Sister.

Aiel Waste Setups:

Rand's plotline about journeying into the Waste will come to a conclusion, potentially including elements about whether or not Rand has the right to lead the Aiel, whether or not Aviendha accepts him as the Car'a'carn, and we will end with rain like we started with rain, and possibly some more fully-realized effects of the corruption/madness from Rand.

Lanfear's attempts to isolate and manipulate Rand will all come to a head -- her deception revealed and her fury unleashed. Rand will see who Lanfear truly is. Lanfear and Moiraine's alliance finally unraveled, they come to blows.

What role did Lan and the Malkieri blade play? Was it key or was it a red herring? What happens with Melindhra and the idea of resurrecting Malkier?

Where does Egwene land on how she views Rand, and whether or not he needs 'protection' or to be stopped? Did we get any additional insight into her motivations over this season? Rand and Egwene's shared attack from Lanfear was the fear of Rand (going mad and) killing the people he cares about.

Pay-offs:

Big payoff for Rand's storyline. Aviendha accepting Rand as Car'a'carn was fairly low-key and she was basically just one of the Aiel in the crowd there, but hopefully now that Randgwene is officially done and Randfear is also officially done, Rand is going to have the emotional energy for other dynamics.

Lanfear has re-dedicated herself to the Shadow.

Lan did help in the fight, but he and Moiraine staved off Lanfear but didn't kill her. But they did stop her from getting involved in what Rand was doing.

From Egwene's perspective, I feel like she got confirmation that her voice doesn't sway Rand anymore, but from Rand's perspective, he was out of control in 3x01 and he was in control of himself in 3x08. So those two are on very different pages from each other.

[aingeal98]

Batgirl 6 thoughts: I feel at this point I've moved past the point of just enjoying it for the fact that it's Cass and Shiva centered and written well by someone who cares for them, so I'm gonna go a bit more detailed with this issue. The characterisation for both of them remains the standout and there are so many good moments this issue. The artwork and the fight scenes and Cass with the bats? Loved it.

I will say that the conclusion to this arc didn't hit me hard emotionally, mostly because I just don't believe Shiva is dead lol. I'm more excited about what's next than crying over the conclusion. I think most of that has to do with the series biggest weakness so far, which is that while I appreciate the new characters Bromball has brought in to try and widen Shiva and Cass's lore, the Unburied as antagonists don't stand out very much. In terms of Shiva sacrificing herself for Cass via death, I think I actually prefer the death from DCeased Unkillables. More impact and hit harder. This didn't feel any different than the last few issues in terms of stakes, which is odd considering Shiva is implied to have died!

So yeah still very much enjoy this series, it's my favourite on right now and writing wise I do think it's fantastic overall. The conclusion was well written it just lacked that Something that would have hit me in the emotions the way other Cass and Shiva moments have.

[huggywuggysuppy]

hi i just read your e!gem post (same anon) and yeah. e!gem is such a fantastic character 💜💚 i don't have much to say that you practically touched all the points as to why gem's pov and her character in empires felt so special to me 🏔

but now i'm interested in your traffic!gem thoughts, because she's also one of my favorite blorbos to think about; on one hand she's really difficult to crack because a lot of things don't really seem to face her (at least after secret life) and she like, barely creates attachment to material things. on the other hand, her relationship with pearl does help to know gem as a character better because of how uniquely they treat each other (both in sl and wl).

i definitely think she tries to put a facade of "i don't heavily care about death or anything because this is all a game" while also constantly bringing back secret life, almost like that season and what happened (end portal, eye taken 'against her will', a camel and the weight of leadership she never desired) haunts her to some degree that she won't ever admit outloud. some things she brings back are certainly remembered with fondness (her saving that camel during ep6 and then making sure it stayed safe in the barn... you could tell she missed pearl) and others are not (she does not like sacrifices after sl).

the idea that a celestial being, who had been boundless all her life and held control over every aspect of her existence, now keeps coming back to the games because she wants to recuperate what, for the first time in all her life, she lost during sl (her agency? control? freedom?) is an interpretation i'm a fan of rn, but ofc there's so many other things you can delve into (i could rant way more about how she actually is her own biggest enemy and that ties into her trying to not care too much about people and stuff after sl but it’s kinda late lol).

as for fic recs, i definitely recommend this series from dustaundonut (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2796937) basically a canon divergence that explores a reality where corrupted!gem isn't cured, roseblings are really nuanced and complex, shinyduo is shinyduo, and the world is still moving forward. updates for the main fic are slow, but it’s still soooo worth it for the great narrative. one of my faves ever

(also i do think someone should put all gem variants in one room and see which one comes out of the room as a better person and which leaves wanting to commit more crimes)

Hey !! Thank you for all of this !! I’m so proud of my Empires 1 Gem analysis, glad you enjoyed and extra happy you want to hear more :)

I'll do my best.

Traffic Gem’s theme is control. She is constantly fighting to maintain it, to get it back, to pretend she has it, while the whole world makes it their mission to take it from her. She’s a trophy, threat, leader, lover, and at the end of the day: she is and has lost. The tragedy of Gem is her inability to fulfill her full potential, how her situation leaves her no option but to resign, giving a glimpse into what could have been if she was allowed. And the triumph of Gem is when she rejects that, spins things around so her only option is committing, delighting not in the spoils but in the hunt.

Gem is wonderfully difficult to pick apart, with Traffic!Gem as the worst offender -- most of my #analysis were posted during WL trying to figure her out. But the fun is in discovering another aspect/layer that completely changes an interpretation. All to say: this isn't my first crack at Traffic Gem, and it certainly won't be the last. Written mostly in January, I was gonna wait till I had a companion fic to post with this (EDIT: now posted!) but Simple Life April Fools spelled soooo much out, I can't resist posting now. Enough disclaimers, let’s get into the great Gem analysis!

Traffic Gem, willingly or not, is the villain of everyone's story. Even her own.

Gem (and most other mcyts) are very utilitarian with adapting to what reputation is thrust on them: as it's the smartest decision if she wants efficient power/control over the situation. There's less legwork for her in establishing motive, skillset, tone, etc. and makes her very accessible to other players: they already know her story and can work around/within it. Her HC intro season having a cottagecore theme and really her cute girl aesthetic in general is fitting into a marketable stereotype that she can then go on to subvert. And this is the fun of CC's in general, especially for the audience! The difference comes in how freely they're able to act.

In every season Gem is sought after by others: defending them, being a target, challenging them to act. If she's standing near someone, she can't be ignored, and people are always seeking her out. Many other traffic villains (Scar, Martyn) don't try taking leader at the same time, and the few that have (Ren, Lizzie) dedicate their time entirely to managing it. Gem has the worst combination because she can't turn it off: she's too aware of playing the physical and social game (and playing it well) to not lead. Because of her skill she must be used and fought against. Funnily enough Scott has this same problem, which is why he usually attaches to someone with a similarly strong reputation (social and/or skill) to mask his movements. Grian also falls victim, but his position as gamemaster and first victor often takes the heat off: people trust him to prioritize lore and not overextend. Obviously Gem and Scott would also like to RP, have you seen them, but to individual players it's more tactical to be wary.

So Gem is caught in a terrible cycle. If she embraces her villain leadership status, she has power over the server, but will never catch a break or get to tell any other type of story. And if she tries to reject her reputation, an uphill battle on its own, she'll be targeted anyway for an entire season, without the allies to block the bullets. She still finds ways to thrive in subversion: Gem explicitly follows the rules of the Life Series to the letter: passive till it kills her, because everyone's expecting her to murder from the start. Gem loves playing the villain, her SL aesthetic lives rent free forever, but also longs for peaceful episode segments and initiating her own shenanigans -- which can only come when others are independent. Oddly, I think Real Life demonstrates her ideal vibe: everyone was a lot more laid back so while she was still feared and followed, it wasn't stopping her from having fun. Meanwhile, Simple Life is her nightmare. All this to say: Gem has a lot of complex emotions around embracing slash being forced into villainy and leadership.

Gem uses this reputation for her benefit. She doesn't have much choice.

Let's talk about how other players see her, and what she does about it. Gem was typecast as everyone’s antagonist before she even entered the games. Subbing in for Cleo with her only direction as “Kill Etho if you can” only cemented her reputation. In her actual seasons, she shows sportsmanship with her kills, but rarely seems (or really has reason to be) apologetic for them. Gem takes initiative to gear up and becomes a problem if left alone too long, all the while grinning behind honeyed words and pretty walls. And even regardless of any actions, she’s known for pvp and building prowess, cutting wit, and seemingly effortless control over most situations. If Gem's this deadly when she's forced to hold herself back, what is she like at full power? She can never be under the radar because Gem’s entire existence is a challenge.

The contrast between SL and WL is insane. SL feels like a joyride: she’s got her historically closest allies and they’re completely loyal, the server is entirely at her mercy either in competitions and dragon fights or actively hunted as prey, she even gets to rp toxic yuri with no consequences! And then in the final hour her hubris blinds her to both Scar and Pearl's feelings, and she dies in disgrace. WL Gem is significantly more skittish: narrowing her field of view to only a few goals and broadcasting how uncomfortable she is with everyone paying attention to her all the time. Making a point not to tryhard for kills, merely surviving out of obligation, Gem acts like she's given up everything. She's trapped by the narrative, so she stops fighting against the current. Obviously, at least.

And the other players are clearly off balance from this change. They're unsure whether to fear Gem's machinations as if she was at the height of her boogeyman army, or to hang out sympathetically at her base. Most opt to take the safe route and target her anyway: only to face tauntingly little resistance as she uses their attempts as evidence to her innocence. Is her head still a trophy if she stands still under your minecart? Why are you making her a more dangerous color? Gem admits she played "aggressively passive:" her offense was a manipulatively weak defense. It aims to disorient others and gain sympathy for herself. There's a clear rebranding effort at play, all to change popular opinion towards Gem into something favorable.

Lifelong Allies (by accepting they all want you dead.)

After SL, Gem changes targets from directly winning to interpersonal goals. She’s already demonstrated her strength, though learned the hard way that nobody will ever leave her alone long enough to safely take her win. And since she's joined late, there's no foundation of trust or love to fall back on -- if anything, she's almost ostracized -- so now she chooses to build one. Gem needs strong allies, but even stronger ties to her enemies. If Grian and/or Pearl hadn’t intervened, had they gone for the other enemy instead, she almost certainly would’ve been crowned. Don’t be fooled by her facade: Gem never gave up on winning. Everything she does in WL is setup for her next Red rampage.

If there’s anything she learned from Scott, it’s having relationships everywhere. She wants to have a stronger tie to them so that when it comes down to a 2v1, the worse side isn’t Gem. They don’t have to love her or even want her to win, they just have to want the other person to lose more. To do this, Gem butters up every player -- she only truly denounces the G's, everyone else receives kindness and civility. She also constantly calls out the enormous target on her back, both for sympathy, but also making every attempt on her life impersonal. If everyone’s targeting her, she has no reason to be enemies with you even if you do kill her. She's friendly, if blunt, and competent enough to deserve the win, if only everyone would leave her alone! Boldly, to an almost insane degree, Gem is trying to circumvent her reputation as "Biggest Threat" into "Enemy Of Your Enemy."

Why team with Joel? As she's building bridges with all players, she also covers her tracks with the other greatest threats. Among Grian, Scar, Martyn, and arguably Etho, (all of which she also dedicates extra time to befriending,) Joel is the best fit for her mission. Loyal to the grave, there's no risk of a surprise betrayal. He doesn’t put much effort into peace talks or reputation, so he’s a perfect contrast against the smiling, hands up, ‘peaceful’ Gem. Although aggressively lore-phobic: often off-setting the tone of her story moments (most glaringly trying to kill Pearl in the finale while they’re talking,) even that demonstrates her being a storyteller instead of a sweat. He’s also competent and the perfect Champion: their team does win as a group effort. She directs him towards targets, quietly takes heat off him, and they keep each other alive to the finale. Gem more or less succeeds with Joel, and establishes her position as unfairly targeted, mostly harmless, maybe there's someone better to go after...

But Gem can't befriend everyone. …Unless (and they never got off that camel.)

Singling out the G’s fits perfectly into her “enemy of your enemy” plan, since EVERYONE can get behind stopping GGG. The G’s are the only other team that faced constant sweat allegations, despite their clear intent to infight and do lore -- something Gem clocks as she's experiencing the same thing. Also, the G's have an arsenal of messy dynamics with everyone from past series and many would target them before Gem. Beyond that, it's implausible to befriend everyone, nevermind the stigma when you're called out on being a floater (BDubs, Impulse.) But more than any convenience or necessity: Gem loves a nemesis. To say nothing of entertaining content: if her attention seems focused on someone else, she's not aiming for you, and they're both getting weaker in the process. Though, that only actually hurts Gem if her and her enemy are properly fighting.

Pearl sees through exactly what Gem is doing. If anyone's an expert on being trapped by the popular narrative, it's Pearl. As such, Pearl doesn't want to win, and only really cares about uplifting her loved ones -- and having chaotic fun while she's at it. She's the only player (except maybe Grian) who doesn't want to kill Gem, for reputation or for a safe victory. Sure, she's pressured into it by Gem's promise of a 1v1 on red, but that’s all in service of murder camel reuniting. Her attempts are half-hearted, and Gem only fights back when a third party gets involved (poor Impulse), maintaining the enemies illusion while functionally just having fun/RP. (Not that I think Pearl ever wants to be bloodthirsty 5 AM again anyway, although Gem sure does.) Pearl also takes a “yes, and” attitude to everything Gem does ever, and willingly slides into the role she needs Pearl to be: pulling more attention than Gem, and (depending on what the players/you're looking for) villainous and/or heroic while she’s at it. As long as Impulse is off the radar (and he is compared to the dramatic GGG), Pearl is fine with whatever. And Gem serves her in return: an undeniable threat to target despite Pearl’s allies’ objections. There's enormous flexibility in the storyline too: since neither of them really care about the 2v1, or trying to win this time for that matter, they can spend as much time as they want taking it in any direction. In a quiet, twisted way, being Gem’s nemesis is the best way Pearl can help her.

(Eternal dynamic of Pearl, willing to jump headfirst into whatever Gem's up to, not caring about what'll happen to her own reputation, or even fate, so long as it helps Gem and makes her happy. That unconditional safety allowing Gem to reach higher, unleash her full potential, and having a safe place to land if she falls. And she uses that power to take care of Pearl in return ohghghhh. For the shippy interpretation, I direct you to my ao3 :)

Of course there are consequences to this playstyle. The G’s are very scary on their own to be enemies of, although Gem has unusually strong relationships with all four, so they probably won’t hold a long lasting grudge. Maybe. Moreover, Gem is publicly called out for her unreasonable beef with Pearl, the consequences of which may create an actual enemy in the future if Pearl ever lets herself properly hold her exes accountable. Most of all, it makes Gem look cruel or — worse — sloppy, both of which discourage others from working with her / being on her side. But even with all these downsides, Gem vs. the G’s succeeded in balancing her reputation. And it’s undeniably a highlight of WL.

Yet a villain needs her thematic demise :/ or “what is a victory but other people?”

The best Gem moments and stories are when she gets to have fun doing what she wants. The Boogey Army, lore with Pearl, even the moments of peace at her base where she talks to the camera about her process. But the most disappointing is when she’s forced physically and narratively into a box. Gem is constantly pushed into passivity because it’d be ‘unfair’ — also punished by the rules, unable to instigate until the gimmick (inconsistently) or other players send her to yellow/red. But in WL, Gem had organized things so that when she finally went Red, the most compelling and coherent option was murdering those who wronged her, finding long awaited closure with Pearl, and a satisfying final death that laid groundwork for next season. Unfortunately, by nature of the game/rules, they didn’t have the time or space to execute that throughout the season let alone the finale, resulting in her hard work falling flat.

And isn’t that frustrating? Her playstyle is dictated by the rules and, despite appearances, puts control of her actions/storyline in other players hands. SL worked because Gem could satisfyingly get herself on Yellow and interact with/terrorize other players within the rules. But WL left no time or room for either. She’s a villainous character — decided for her and embraced for maximum effect — and so it’s agonizing to take all the heat with none of the payoff. Gem always finds ways to work with it: building relationships, supporting Joel and Scar and others in getting kills, salvages a rushed makeup with Pearl, but it’s not her lore, her joy, her victory. It's dying to a mob, alone at her base, with only a sardonic outro as closure. And yet she keeps on trying anyway.

The stakes are too high for Gem. She wants to win so badly, in spite of the target on her back preventing her honest victory. So she weaves her own story into the villain narrative: an underdog, or at least a lesser enemy, that treats you kindly and deserves the win. Gem creates a rival in Pearl to showcase her innocence and a weakness so others let their guard down. All of this to promise that, when she goes Red, she can finally get some murder -- some control back. Yet Gem falls, unsatisfied and unfulfilled, before she can take her moment to have fun and thrive. Traffic Gem is constantly fighting for control, and we yearn and fear for when she finally realizes her hunt.

E1 Anon thank you for the ask !! I've been preparing a major Traffic Gem analysis for a while, and your prompt was the perfect jumping off point. There's still so much to talk about, but I think I've covered the major points here, at least until the next ask. So excited to see what develops next in Life Series that’ll add even more depth :) Thank you for reading!

Bonus Thoughts: Real Stakes cc!Gem, Meta Worldhopper Gem, and Taking Her At Face Value c!Gem

No Gem character is complete without intense interconnectivity between her worlds. Everything above is the Traffic Gem intent/action analysis, as seen and interpreted by other players. But here are some other more Gem centric ideas that I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss.

Traffic Gem is intense because the stakes are real.

Life Series is a microscope for mcyts. It's a Situation with just enough guidelines to build a cohesive story, a finite time limit incentivizing risks, a sandbox of character dynamics and with players they already have history with to utilize and alter. Part of the lightning-in-a-bottle value is seeing the mcyts at 100%: using their full arsenal of improv, relationships, production, and lore, on the most elite stage they have right now. One's content, brand, fandom, their very legacy, is indisputably shaped by Life Series. It’s an insane level of pressure even by mcyt standards. And Gem enters that as a newbie four seasons in, with all eyes on her.

If Wizard Gem is a collection of her themes into one masterpiece, Traffic Gem is the refined core of GeminiTay: who she is without any structure to fall back on, how she operates in the middle of chaos, and what she fights for when she can't have everything. It’s an ornate quilt versus a knight’s sword: you admire the comfort and handicraft of the quilt, but the sword challenges anyone to wield it — with varying levels of mastery. That's why Traffic!Gem is such a beautiful challenge compared to all her other characters: she is overpowering and raw, and her very presence challenges you to investigate deeper.

CC's often say their characters are exaggerations of themselves, but Gem's Traffic character is directly interwoven with her general CC struggle. Sorted into a box of "scary, competent, cottagecore," it's interesting that much of her battle is breaking out of her reputation. Gem loves playing around with perception, it's "how she gets away with things," and Life Series demonstrates both the strengths and weaknesses of her openly deceptive brand/playstyle. (I also consider False and Keralis this subtype, and can rant about this endlessly.) While she's soooo careful to not overextend, Gem is constantly beating back the "too good at PVP/minigames/etc." accusations, often to the point of handicapping herself. The more actions she takes, the closer she gets to winning, the louder the outcry to stop her -- even in the name of "fairness." And she subverts expectations by embracing that role for her own ends. I think that's beautiful.

Worldhopping! Yippie!

I could go on about the delicious c!Gem lore around an eldritch creature originally delighting in the death game, until struck with the horribly real betrayal woven into every single player, having a nihilistic and desperate attitude in every game afterwards. But this post by rainecreatesstuff already covered that beautifully. I think this is 100% intentional on Gem’s part: she keeps a lot of her machinations behind the curtain but loooves character building and consistency. Her "its fine" mantra fits perfectly in anyway. Similarly, much to appreciate from the Watchers specifically choosing her to join the games and cull the herd. Gem carrying on the eye-lost-to-portal plot is a fun nod to that interpretation. Imagine if she gets to boogeyman again in the future. Personally, I love a Worldhopper Gem who actively seeks to change events -- as opposed to simply enjoying the chaos and/or getting her feelings sent through a woodchipper by the Watchers -- but both interpretations are great.

An important aspect of Worldhopper Gem for me is how she actually cares way too much about every world. You’d think remembering tons of them and knowing it’s all roleplay would make her detached and here to have fun, and oh how she tries, but she can’t stop loving everyone too much and is always punished for it. Her fondness for Impulse, Scott, and Pearl, is thrown in her face in SL. Despite calling in dragons and fighting tooth and nail, Empires 1 gets raptured. Everything always ends. and Gem knows it from the start, and still she cries for every fallen world. Something to be said for loving her friends in every universe too!

Grumpy, impatient, and hurt Gem - what does she actually want to happen?

While I subscribe to a very tactical and intentional Gem — targeted actions influenced by her emotional priorities — the spiteful pure emotions Gem is worth discussing, especially regarding Pearl. Things like laughing as the barn burns, SACRIFICES, "did you even look me in the eye during our murder camel... happenings?" Gem is CONSTANTLY using whatever's being done to her and trying to manipulate it into something she can accept. She desperately wants to go on a murder spree with Pearl again, camel included, but doubled down on playing hard to get so now they're circling each other like (pathetic, wet) cats. It annoys her to no end that she keeps getting interrupted by murder attempts and base visitors, so she hides her irritation and pretends she's already given up on a safe, intact, quiet base, all the while grumpily snarking and retreating to the woods. Part of the fun on SL was being a yellow name and too scary to approach, getting to menace others just by standing next to them, so why is it taking so long to get there this time? Surely somebody should be able to kill her on their own. Gem is perpetually unsatisfied, and not even hiding it all that well, yet players seemingly refuse to see past her evil cottagecore facade. Much to be gained and appreciated in a grumpy, pretending to be detached Gem, who cares a lot, actually, and would appreciate if somebody would take the hint and let her murder already!

Thank you again for reading!! Stay tuned for the companion fic going up on my ao3 sooner or later :)

EDIT: now posted!! take a look!!

[logosbot-tm]

I'm not even a shipper but I did see a post (and several tbh) about Mumbo's death in wild life being turned into Mumbo being a rebound/replacement for Scar??? It's so weird even as a nonshipper I know Grian and Mumbo have been iconically Like That (and everybody knows it and jokes about it) for years. I'm convinced a chunk of this fanbase just skips through video

I will say that I'm not fully sure why this was sent to me, but yeah, I've seen it too. Gonna take off the shipping goggles for a hot sec.

(More below the cut...like a lot more, this ended up as a long ass ramble)

Mumbo's treatment within fandom is rather... odd, in my opinion. He gets pushed to the side a lot, he's treated as if he's pathetic (which yes, Ik that the "wet cat" thing is a joke, but when he's consistently portrayed as pathetic you start to wonder), he's treated as a replacement/rebound for Scar, Grian and his interactions are spun into being about Desert Duo (yes, I've seen this happen multiple times, its weird), disloyal, completely incompetent, and when he died he was immediately talked about as "The new canary".

Which

1) That was Jimmy's curse, why are you trying to apply it to someone else who doesn't fit?

2) No, Mumbo wasn't the first one out when the curse was first broken, that was Lizzie

Mumbo and Grian's friendship is also treated as Not As Important As Desert Duo™️. Grian being distraught about Mumbo's death? Nah, let's focus on Desert Duo being friends instead. Grian bringing Mumbo (and Skizz) back to life? Let's focus on the fact that Scar and Grian flew around together (which is cute don't get me wrong). Mumbo killing Grian after being instructed to do so? Let's talk about how this a Desert Duo parallel.

Hell, Grian and Mumbo's friendship isn't even the biggest "victim" of being twisted as only existing to further the Desert Duo narrative. The friendship that has been most affected by it (within fandom ofc), is Grian and BigB's friendship.

Which, is even odder to me. Grian and BigB have known each other for ages, Grian went and looked for BigB himself (because He Wanted To Be Secret Soulmates), Grian said in 3rd life that he didn't want to kill BigB, and the two of them have known each other for long as hell and have even travelled to Sweden together irl (wayback in like 2017).

There's a lot to say about the fandom's treatment of BigB but yeah, not what this post is about.

It's very difficult to interact with fandom content within both the Life Series and Hermitcraft nowadays. You can't escape Desert Duo or Scarian, even if you try. A lot of the time another ship tag, duo tag, or character tag ends up clogged with Desert Duo/Scarian stuff, and if you block the tag it gets filled with blacked out post saying "This post contains Scarian, do you want to see it anyway?" (<can't remember the exact wording), and often UNTAGGED Scarian/Desert Duo posts pop up in other tags, often tagged with another ship that has nothing to do with the post (<Seen this happen a few times in the Grumbo tag). The Scaridarity tag is filled with Scarian posts, which makes it hella annoying to go through/follow that tag.

And yes. Grian and Mumbo have been a duo since... 2017? 2018? Somewhere around there. They're genuinely close as all hell, having gone on a roadtrip together, and having travelled to Sweden together. They both put references to each other in their videos all the time, they have a robot son named after their (at the time) duo/ship name, and in the life series they've been on a team 2/3 times + they always base closely on Hermitcraft (more than once they've linked their bases, more than once they've had a messaging system).

But nowadays that's largely ignored/pushed to the side, and for a little while there was this odd idea about a "Grumbo divorce".

Which, yes I know it was a joke, but also...what???

On the Hermitcraft server, the Hermits doesn't interact all the time. It's literary called /Hermit/-craft. Often, this is because the Hermits are busy with their own projects, things irl, or they just don't interact. This doesn't mean that a ship is getting "divorced" or anything. Hell, it's a ship. The shipping shouldn't be your main focus when watching a video. The shipping is just something for fun.

So yeah, it was weird to see the "Grumbo divorce" jokes be made, when they're still very close, and Are Still Like That™️ about each other.

There's also this odd thing I've noticed within the fandom, where people can't let Grian and Scar do things on their own without twisting it into Scarian.

No, I promise that in the escape room video that Scar wasn't in, Grian didn't think at all about the fandom's headcanon that Scar is a vex.

All this being said, I also have to say that:

I don't hate Scarian. Does it frustrate me? Yes! Very much so.

But that's because of the fandom. I am a Scarian shipper, I enjoy Scarian, and I enjoy Desert Duo a lot. The fandom has made that experience a lot less enjoyable, because of the weird treatment of other people, because you can't escape it even if you try, because everything gets twisted into Scarian/Desert Duo all the time.

It's frustrating, because it's barely the Hermitcraft or the life series fandom anymore, it's basically the Scarian fandom.

Which, fine, I get it. Its the biggest ship, and I understand the enjoyment of it, nothing wrong with that.

But there's other people on both servers, other duos, other teams, and I promise you everything isn't about Scarian all the time.

I think that Scarian shippers/Desert Duo enjoyers mainly watch Scar's videos, with shipping goggles already on, and then they watch Grian's. They read into things that genuinely doesn't matter, all to further the narrative of Scarian. (I'm not saying everyone does this, or that they do it on purpose, but it comes across as such.)

I can't say that I haven't read too much into something because of a ship, hell, I've been here for Mumbo and Grian as a duo since before the duo even existed.

But to me it feels as if it's going a tad bit too far now.

I keep seeing more and more people get frustrated and tired of Scarian/Scarians, and I get it entirely. I see this happen from multiple corners, from multiple people.

Also, Grian and Mumbo are a duo to such an extent that the Hermits comment and joke about it, hell, even non-Hermits do that. I mean Tommyinnit straight up said "You (Grian) and Mumbo come as a pair".

I'd also like to mention the odd treatment of Grumboers from Scarian. Yes, I know that some Grumbo shippers have entered the Scarian tag just to hate on it, don't do that. Just... genuinely, don't do that, what the hell are you even doing actually.

But when Scar said that people were "Annoyed with him and Grian teaming together all the time" (Which they haven't done. They've interacted a lot, which ain't surprising. They're p good friends), there was an odd wave of posts I saw that blamed Grumboers?

I assure you, that whole thing wasn't our fault. People who've complained about that have done so in the YouTube comments, on reddit, and ofc some have done so on twitter (which is just an awful cesspool of negativity, which is why I don't use it).

It's not our fault. A lot of Grumbo shippers are also Desert Duo enjoyers/Scarian shippers. I mean, I am.

There's also this odd narrative that "Grumbo shippers never experienced this much hate when Grumbo was the biggest ship"

Which is just blatantly false.

In the past, people got hate and death threats for shipping. Didn't matter what you shipped, you got hate for it.

At the time, there was a bunch of posts, much more negatively charged than this one, where people went "This isn't the Mumbo and Grian fandom, stop treating it as such." There were a lot of posts about how Grumboers were annoying as all hell, and how we clogged tags. There were straight up hate posts being spread, often by the majority of the fandom.

Shipping with in the Hermitcraft fandom wasn't accepted at all, and Zombiecleo got bullied of off tumblr for saying that she didn't care if people were engaging in shipping.

I'm glad that shipping is accepted now, because by god it was an awful time, but don't say that "Grumbo shippers never had it this bad". We had it a lot worse. Shippers as a whole had it a lot worse. Don't pretend like it didn't happen, and don't try to act as if it's only Scarian shippers that have been hated.

In all honesty, I'm just tired of all of this. Like really tired. I'm tired of seeing everything get twisted into Scarian/Desert Duo, I'm tired of the ignorance of the fandom's past, and I'm tired of seeing hate aimed at any ship/shippers

But I do think that its time to leave the desert. It's not fun to be in the fandom anymore due to the behaviour. Sure, keep shipping, keep having fun. But for God's sake please stay in your lane, tag your things properly, and please stop trying to force Scarian/Desert Duo upon everyone.

I don't think that the hate is deserved, but everything isn't about Desert Duo.

This is most likely the only time I'll make a post like this, and I'm only making it because I'm finally fed up and tired.

Thank you for the ask.

[valentine-cafe]

˖⁺. “ r/am I the asshole? ” : 

﹙ various monster characters x gn reader ﹚.𖹭 ݁

. . . various m. characters x gn reader !! 🍓 : ﹙ mercenary  ˖  immortal ˖ bad boy character ˖ mad doctor ˖ snake monster ˖ yandere character ˖ angel character ˖ grim reaper ˖ mortician character ﹚

your partner takes to the internet to question whether they or not they were a bit of an ass during their last encounter with you or alternatively : our characters' biggest red flags

﹙ cws ﹚: yandere behaviour ( on jingyi ) ˖ death mention | wc : 0.5k 

﹙ receipts ﹚: i had this idea and i just need to make this into a series because omg. do note that this is hǎitāo's new and improved character !

꒰  other treats : guidelines ˖ m.list ˖ characters ˖ our lore  ꒱

﹙alessio 781. ﹚. . . not understanding their tears when I die !? 🍒 : “ Yeah you read the title right. I ( 31M ) have what you call a regenerative. Trait. M a fucking enigma. ( Don't try track my IP you asshole ).

I admit I don't have the most charming job in the world but - someone's gotta do it. My powers make me come back from the dead. Frankenstein shit n all. ( I am not about to make a religious joke so fuck with Frankenstein. )

Anyway. It's common fact that I come back. My partner knows this. But every time I die - they cry. Of course like a good boyfriend I comfort them. But recently they been scolding me. Getting more emotional. And I just don't get it. I tried to explain to them that they've seen this waayyyy too many times to think I'm not gonna come back. I asked why do they have to be so dramatic you know?

Long story short, they're not talkin to me for a week now.

Yeah. Last week I took thirteen bullets to the gut. But I came back like I always did. I don't see the fucking issue. ”

꒰ mercenary ˖ immortal ˖ bad boy character ꒱

 

﹙jìngyí 209. ﹚. . . killing their coworker !? 🍓 : “ Please do hear my plight before jumping to conclusions at the title.

I, ( 46 M ), have always considered myself to be quite the possessive man. My beloved knows this well, as I have expressed it to them time and time again. I do not like sharing. Nor the thought of it. It makes my skin crawl.

Now, I understand that my darling is the height of beauty. I have garnered more patience for those that stare. My impulsions have eased for the past few months. However, I have noticed their coworker growing increasingly more. . . friendly.

He has been helping them with their work. Gives them compliments and shares stories as they both relate to interests. I have noticed him a few times when coming to pick up my partner. He always smiles and waves - as though expecting them to run back to him.

Last week was my dear’s birthday. And the bastard gifted them a box full of their favourite treats. So I simply did what any concerned boyfriend would do and. . . took care of it.

My partner is a bit distraught but is not aware that I did it, of course. I cannot help but grow more upset over the fact that they grieve him. Someone please relate to this. ”

꒰ mad doctor ˖ snake monster ˖ yandere character ꒱

 

﹙rishen 9948e. ﹚. . . not having time for them !? 🍒 : “ I would like to start this by saying that I am quite glad for this development in the nadir. It has certainly piqued a lot of interest along the divine realms.

Alas, I digress. I am a guardian angel who is on my way to the next rank. I am also a being granted trust from the divine themselves. Venturing from the abyss, to the abhorration, to across the multiverse. As such, you can decipher that I am quite the busy individual.

I adore my light, my sunshine and mi amanecer with all of my heart. It shatters the very being of my soul to see them weep for me after days of being apart. There are times I cannot attend important events to them. No matter how hard I try.

I am a very lonely angel, you see. I fear that they will leave me behind in search of a lover that will hold them in the night. I yearn to do so, but my duty is too great. My tasks are too plentiful.

Am I the one in the wrong? Should I punish myself for this? ”

꒰ angel character ꒱

 

﹙hǎitāo 9948e. ﹚. . . joking about their coffin !? 🍓 : “ Okay listen. I would like to clarify. I was joking about their coffin. Not their death. Yes those two go hand-in-hand like flowers to a gravestone but! I stand by my statement.

We were just talking about their favourite colour and jewellery. I'd asked for their upcoming graduation. Yknow, celebrate and all? Anyway, they gave me the answer and -

Oh yes. I would like to clarify. I am a mortician. And a grim reaper. Death is my whole shtick, you get me? It's literally in the name! Grim reaper. Not glee reaper.

I am going off topic. In any case. I made a joke - saying that their coffin will be quite easy to make. They gave me a face and I added on that it would be beautiful. A beautiful box for a beautiful corpse.

Apparently, this was not to their fancy. I was greeted with mild disgust and even more disturbia. They have not spoken since yesterday. I don't understand. I was just stating the obvious! ”

꒰ grim reaper ˖ mortician character ꒱

﹙ taglist. ﹚: | get tagged for specific posts

﹙ tip jar. ﹚: like our work? consider suporting us 𖹭 

[goodboyaudios]

Now that BvZ6 is FINALLY out…I am pleased to announce the halfway mark for Gen 3!

We have 3 eps left for Pandora and Birds of Valhalla and 6 eps left for Bastards vs Zombies! With all that out there, I'm sure a few of you are wondering what Gen 4 is looking like!

Originally, the plan was for Gen 4 to have 3 series, like this gen. Each one with a recognizable face from prior gens, barring Gen 1.

However, this has proved to be a source adding to my burnout in previous instances, being constantly stuck in 3 or 4 voices constantly. So, I've changed things up a bit! Instead for Gen 4, I'll be doing 6 series! First will be a new series with brand new characters, then I'll go back to a classic after that one is done and I'll continue that pattern until completion!

On paper, it sounds like I'm giving myself more work, and I might be, but remember that I'm not giving myself any time limit on this. Each series is ultimately its own thing and I'll be working on them all at my own pace.

Here's the order of things and series descriptions. (Some of these are working titles)

Gladiator Azul - 8 combatants, (me and 7 other VAs) will compete in a 1v1 tournament to the death in order to be granted a wish. The location is the planet Palta, which is a location a few of my lore nerds will pick up on~ The best part about this story, is that it's a complete mystery, even to me, who's going to win! It's completely decided by chance, but a chance influenced by the viewers through cryptic clues~

Magic of the Heart 2: Curse of Khan (This was Blind Snake. I didn't like the name) - You are a Lamia, the remnants of the Snake Titan's soul. You've been brought into this world by your beloved lord, Nosferatu. One day, he tasks you to become a double agent by staging an escape for you and a captured wizard that you might be quite familiar with. When you and Zed "escape" from Nosferatu, you must make a decision, betray Nosferatu, or betray Zed…

Dragonslayers - You are the squire to the most esteemed Knight under the Paladin King. The Knight Grand Champion, Sirius Gearfried. You've gone on adventures together for 5 years now and you're about to go on your biggest one yet! The Paladin King has tasked his most trusted knight with gathering up the strongest warriors from across the realm for a dangerous mission into the unknown reaches of Dragonspace!

Loki and the War of Sinn - More will be talked about this at a later date, but before you ask, yes it's gonna have Odin and Tyr. And yes, you will be Loki.

Alchemical Strawberry Cheesecake - We now go BACK to Manas for a bit of magical melodrama! You are entered into a cooking competition at Saurethol Academy! You're partnered up with a boy named Vemmy, who thought this extra-curricular would be an easy A. Now, he's in a high-stakes contest, travelling to different schools all over the world and is VERY in over his head…

Bastards vs Monsters - A couple of years have gone by. The threats have gotten more dangerous, but so have you.

[guiltyasdave]

lovesick

part 2 / series masterlist

pairing: young!dieter bravo x actress!original female character violet

rating: explicit, 18+

summary: Dieter and Violet's love burns bright. High on fame, on success, on love, on life. Until it begins burning out. (Here: The breakdown.)

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: young!Dieter, actress!ofc, young love, fluff, angst, the tiniest bit of smut, alcohol, drug use, addiction, toxic relationship, a whole lot of heartbreak

a/n: i love these two with all my heart. the biggest thank you to the small crowd who has given them so much love and made me so excited to write more about them <3 as always, kisses to @sizzlingcloudmentality for loving them with me and cheering me on every step of the way!

find my full masterlist here & follow @guiltyasdavenotifs for updates! :)

dividers by @saradika-graphics <3

“Fuck you, Dieter!” 

The sound of the disconnected line hits his ears, Violet’s voice only an echo in his head. He taps her name again, and again, and again, but it goes straight to voicemail every time. Shit. 

He didn’t mean it, he just— There were photos of her at Erewhon with one of her co-stars, and yeah, maybe Dieter got a little jealous. He’s out here in God knows where, either on set or bored to death in his hotel room. And she’s running around LA, smiling at randos the way she should be smiling at him. It’s not that he doesn’t want her to have fun, just maybe not as much fun as they have together. He never does. 

And maybe he got overwhelmed a little, laying in the darkness and scrolling through pictures of him and her, touching his phone as if it’s her face. But he just misses her so fucking much. He doesn’t know what to do with it, with all the feelings about her, so deep in his chest, flooding his lungs until he thinks he might choke on them. 

Only two more days. Two more days of missing her, of feeling like shit. But then he’ll have her back in his arms, and they’ll talk and he’ll apologize and it will all be okay. Although— maybe he should do something beforehand. Something to let her know how much he cares, how sorry he is. That he didn’t mean it, that of course he trusts her. 

He spends forever on the phone with a flower shop, even facetimes them to pick exactly the right shades, to make sure that they’re arranged perfectly. All the hues of purple, just like her name, bound together in a gigantic bouquet that he just knows she’s gonna love. He adds a card, too, mulling over what to put on it. In the end, he settles for a simple I’m sorry. Love, D. He’s gonna tell her again in person, pout at her and kiss her until she can’t help but smile, and everything will be good again. Everything is always good when she smiles at him. 

It’s a few weeks later, and they’re walking their first red carpet together. It’s for a movie of his, one that he’s really proud of, and he can’t wait for her to see it. Red carpets always give him anxiety, if he’s being honest. All the shouting, the camera flashes, the charged atmosphere. He likes being the center of attention, he won’t deny that, but on his own terms, not like this. 

It helps to have Violet by his side, of course it does. He should have known, really. Having her by his side always helps. She looks ethereal in her long flowy dress and her open hair, so beautiful that he can barely keep his eyes off of her. And she’s his, always on his arm, never leaving him. 

He loves it. How official it feels, so much more than any stupid paparazzi pic. He loves that it’s both their names being shouted together. Because they’re a team, they belong together, and it’s clear for the whole world to see. He loves that she sits beside him in the darkness, her fingers intertwined with his and the sweet scent of her in his nose when she leans her head on his shoulder. 

Dieter has never felt like this. He doesn’t even want to go to the after party, he just wants to get home, bury his head in her hair and her neck and never let go of her ever again. He’s drunk on something stronger than the drinks he could’ve had when she pulls him up the stairs, lets him undo the zipper of her dress, lets him slide the fabric down her shoulders and over her body until it pools on the floor. If he could, this is all he’d ever do. Look at her, touch her, worship her until she’s all he’ll ever know. Is he being overdramatic? Probably, but that doesn’t make it less true. This is what real love is supposed to feel like, he’s sure of it. 

He kisses her moans off her lips, sinks into her like into a pool of sweetest honey, gasping her name against her hot skin. Her nails dig into his shoulders, little pinpricks of pain that anchor him to her. She’s his, and he’s hers, and nothing will ever change that.

“I’m so proud of you,” she smiles later, her lips moving against his chest where her head is resting. He’s playing with her hair, braiding small strands and undoing them again. “You’re so talented. It’s incredible.” Her head raises to beam up at him, and his heart swells and thrums underneath his skin. 

“I love you.” 

It just slips out; he didn’t really mean to say it, at least not like this, not right now. It should be some— grand gesture, a speech, something to show her how serious he is. Her smile grows impossibly wider, her body scrambling to straddle him, her hands cupping his cheeks. 

“I love you, too.” A kiss on his lips, soft, tender in the way that only Violet can make him feel. “So much.” He kisses her back, then, his hands reaching up to hold her waist and her neck. The most precious thing that he’s ever held. 

Having Violet by his side while he sleeps is pure bliss. Even more so because they’re waking up to nothing but a few days of uninterrupted peace in front of them. Morning light streams through the windows, illuminating them in a golden glow. No appointments, no meetings, no travels, no nothing. Just him and her, being holed up at her house, not speaking to another soul, not one minute spent apart. 

They’re swimming, floating on the shimmering surface. The sunlight is bright behind Dieter’s eyelids. Their hands are intertwined, even then. The only weight that he can feel right now. Their evenings are filled with smoke and drinks, but it’s the closest to sober that he’s been in a long time. Just some small treats to relax, just so he can enjoy her sugary giggles in his mouth that are flavored with the taste of red wine. 

In the evenings, they’re curled up on the sofa, her feet in his lap. His closest friend, and the only friend he wants. They watch movies that make them both cry, then go to bed where he loves her until all the tears are dried. It’s bliss. It’s perfection. 

Until perfection has to end. He should have held on to his anxiety, it‘s been trying to tell him. Violet talks to him, the corners of her mouth turned down, her hand gripping his, her eyes swimming with sadness. She’s going to Europe for a few months, to film. It’s an incredible opportunity, one that she couldn’t possibly pass up. Dieter gets it. He does, one hundred percent. She deserves it, and he’s so proud of her, of course he is. He wouldn’t want her to cancel, that would be stupid. He just— he just wishes that things weren’t this hard, maybe. 

It’s gonna be just for a little while, she assures him. Over in the blink of an eye. And he can come visit, and maybe she’ll have a few days off to fly home in between, and they’re gonna be just fine, right? He nods, a little numb. What else is he supposed to do? 

Her last day in LA comes faster than he would have liked. He’s not ready, they didn’t do all the things they wanted before she leaves, and what is he even going to do with himself? 

To top things off, she’s working into the late evening that day, a commercial shoot that had to get done while she’s still in town. Dieter is proud, once again. Proud of his beautiful, successful, on top of the world girlfriend. If only he didn’t have to share her with that whole world, with everyone grabbing at her, wanting a piece of what he wishes was only his. 

He can’t stand to sit around and wait. It’s driving him crazy, his fingers itching, his whole body tingling, until he can’t stay still any longer. He‘ll go out, just a little to pass the time until Violet is done. Then they’ll go home and spend the night together, just the two of them, just how they’d planned. And one drink won’t hurt, right? Or two. And maybe coke, just a teeny tiny bit of it, just to make him feel better. He doesn’t want to be all sad and sullen once she’s there, so he just needs a little something to pick him up. It’s no big deal. 

He’s not sure how it happened. Time stretches around him weirdly, and he can’t see straight, can’t talk, can’t think. Maybe he overdid it a little? He’s not sure, just like he’s not sure where he is, or where his phone is, or where his friends went. 

He doesn’t know if it’s been minutes or hours that have passed before Violet‘s face swims into focus in front of him. Her hair is wild with the remnants of product, dark smudges of mascara under her eyes, and she’s the most beautiful human he’s ever seen. 

“Baby!” he exclaims, throwing himself into her, arms wrapping around her frame, stumbling over his own feet but holding her tightly. “So happy to see you,” he muffles into her hair, but his tongue won’t cooperate, not forming the words quite like it should. 

“Hey, Dee,” he hears her say, while her image is a little distorted in front of him. A warm hand grabs hold of his arm. It feels nice. “Let’s— let’s get you home, yeah?” 

He lets her lead him, happy to just follow along to wherever she wants him. Finally, finally she’s here. Vaguely, he’s aware of the low rumble of a car, of the scent of expensive leather in his nose. His fingers are intertwined with Violet’s, and he wants to look at her, wants to see her face, drink her in while he still can. 

But she’s not looking at him, her gaze fixed on the darkness and fleeting city lights outside the window. Why won’t she look at him? 

Before he knows it, he’s on his feet again, unsteadily following her through the foyer of her house, until he can drop down on the plush couch cushions that he’s spent so many hours on lately. 

Everything is still hazy, he’s not sure where she went, how much time has passed. But then she’s there again, finally. Her face is clean, the streaks of mascara wiped from her skin. Slowly, his eyes focus on the water bottle that she’s holding out to him. Even slower, he commands his hand to take it. 

She sighs, sinking down beside him. Still not looking at him. 

“What’s— what’s wrong?” 

His voice sounds far away, muffled like he’s speaking through a cloud of cotton. 

“This is not good for me, Dieter. This— this weight, this responsibility.” She swallows, hard, while he’s fighting to understand what she’s saying. She looks so sad and he doesn’t like it at all. “It’s— my time, right now, you know? I need to focus, and yet all I think about is you.” 

“You’re all I think about, too.” 

Why is she sad about that, how is it a bad thing? 

“No, Dee, that’s not—”

“W—what are you saying?” His head feels so heavy, like it takes ages until her words reach his brain. “Do you not… want this? Us?” 

It doesn’t make any sense, any sense at all, but with the way she’s sniffling, her fingers catching teardrops under her eyes? Shit, he doesn’t think he could stand it, couldn’t live through it. 

He doesn’t know when he started crying, barely noticed it, but his cheek is damp when she cups it with her hand. Those soft, warm fingers, all tender touches and sweetness. Her eyes look troubled, her movements slow like she might be hesitating. 

But finally, she reaches for him, curls her body around his until she’s enveloping him, and maybe he won’t fall apart at the seams after all. 

“I do,” her voice reaches his ear, weirdly thick, still so far away somehow. “‘Of course I want us. Promise.” 

“I love you,” he says. 

“Love you, too.”

Dieter falls asleep like this, curled up in her warmth, breathing in the scent of her skin. They’re gonna do this, he thinks. She’ll be back so soon and they’ll visit and they can make it work. Of course they can. They can do anything. They love each other. That’s all that matters. 

The touch of her lips lingers for a long time after she’s gone. Dieter can still feel it, the warmth, the soft pressure, when he tries focusing really hard. 

His house feels strangely empty without her now. He’s trying to distract himself, keeping busy, proving to her that he’s not a responsibility that she has to carry. He’s an adult, and he’s gonna show her just that. 

Only that he doesn’t really know how to be an adult. Or how to keep busy when he’s at home. 

He lasts about three hours. But the guys, his friends, they can come to his place. Nowhere public, and then she’s never gonna know. No one will. Just once, just to dull the ache that’s been sitting in his chest since they said goodbye. 

Dieter wakes up face down on his couch, his cheek smothered in a pillow that’s damp against his skin. It’s quiet, the room empty, but the lights are still on, burning into his eyes with the promise of a migraine. 

He feels around for his phone, disoriented, not sure what happened. He didn’t even take that much, did he? 

The small bright screen sends another sharp sting straight into his head, but he squints at it anyway. 5 AM. And several missed calls. Shit, shit, shit. 

just landed :) pick up, i miss hearing your voice already 

hope you’re having a nice evening! the room is really pretty, i think i’m gonna like it here. face time so i can show you? 

deeeeeeeeee where are you :( 

dieter? 

babe please pick up i’m getting worried 

dee come on 

Frantically, he taps her name, impatiently listening to the ringing tone that sounds bleary through the speaker. A headache is already building behind his skull. 

“Dieter? Finally, thank God.” 

Her voice is hushed and noise cuts in from the background. His brain is slow to catch up, still sleep addled and confused. 

“Hey.” He wills his voice to not sound as scratchy in his throat, not as fucked up as he’s feeling. 

“Are you okay, babe? Where are you? I was so worried.” 

It hurts to hear her like this, to know that she was scared because of him. At the same time though, he feels himself bristling, just a little. 

“Sorry,” he says, rolling onto his back. Fuck, he needs to get those lights changed. “I was— just asleep, you know? With the time difference and all—”

“Dee, when I first called you it was like seven in the evening.” 

He can hear her frown, can picture the doubtful look in her eyes.

“Yeah, it was an early night.”

There’s a pause, then a defeated sigh. “Alright.”

“Listen, I don’t need you to babysit me, Vi, okay?”

He doesn’t mean to snap at her, just— why can’t she just let it go? Who fucking cares what he was doing? 

It’s quiet for so long that he starts wondering if the call disconnected until he hears her sniffle. 

“I can’t do this right now, Dee.”

The defeated tone of her voice rattles around in his head long after the screen went dark again. Muttering to himself, he drags his body up the stairs. The darkness of his bedroom welcomes him, and aided by two sleeping pills and the comfort of cool blankets around him, he drifts back to sleep. 

When Dieter wakes up again, the whole thing almost seems like nothing more than a bad dream he’s had, but the call log on his phone and the lack of messages from Violet prove him wrong. 

That’s okay. A little bump in the road, but nothing serious. He was tired and she was busy and they’ll just talk it out. Because he can be an adult, responsible boyfriend for her, and he will show her just that. 

Things look much clearer now, after he’s showered, with sunlight streaming through the windows. He doesn’t even know why he got angry. But he knows that he needs to apologize. It’s a little late in the day, but with the help of his assistant, he manages to find a flower shop in London that promises to arrange everything exactly how he envisions it and deliver it to Violet’s hotel room. 

It’s less than an hour later when her name flashes on his phone. 

After this, it gets a little better. He misses her like crazy, more than he’s ever missed anyone in his life. They are both busy with work and don’t talk as often as he would like, but it’s okay. He can be good. He can be good for her. 

For one weekend, he flies over to visit her. It’s clear, then, that the pain that missing her causes him is so fucking worth it. It’s worth it for the way her face lights up when she sees him, for the way her body molds against his when she hugs him with all her might, for the euphoria that’s coursing through his veins when their lips meet and his world turns right on its axis again. 

They don’t leave the room for 48 hours. He’s enraptured by her mere presence, by her touches that set his whole being ablaze. He loves how excited she is about the movie, about all the stories she tells him, the pictures she builds in his mind with her words. She’s fucking brilliant. He loves her so much. 

When they’re not actively touching each other, drinking in every inch that they can reach, they’re still a mess of tangled limbs. Watching X files, feeding each other room service until they’re hungry for one another again.

Looking back, Dieter should have seen it coming. How much it would hurt, leaving again and flying back home. What’s worse is that she doesn’t seem to be hurting all that much. Her Instagram story shows smiling faces, people who she might have mentioned, but honestly, he didn’t pay much attention to. He just can’t understand how she doesn’t miss him the same way he misses her. 

Fine. It’s not like he can’t have fun without her. It’s not like he can’t show her. 

It’s fucking loud, the bass pumping through his body, the lights dancing behind his eyelids as he moves to the beat. His blood is racing, the high painting a hazy smile on his face. He dances with other people, women, feels them grind against him, and doesn’t move to stop them. A grim satisfaction fills him every time a camera flashes. 

It only takes a few hours until his phone rings. He’s stumbling through his foyer, his feet a little unsteady and a buzzing in his ears. 

“Did you take someone home?” Violet’s voice is thick with tears, and the coldness of regret fills him instantly. “Did you fuck her?!” 

“N—no. Of course not.” That thought never even crossed his mind. He was hurt, even angry, yes. But not like that. 

“What do you mean, of course not?! What the fuck am I supposed to think, Dieter?” 

“I just wanted—” It sounds so childish, even in his own head. “I just wanted you to miss me. The way I miss you.”

He hears Violet take a deep breath, her tone becoming softer. 

“I do, babe, I really fucking do. But I’m trying to work here, okay? I can’t— I can’t wallow in it like that.” 

“What, the way I do, you mean?” 

“No, I’m just—”

He doesn’t let her finish, his mind too quick to jump to conclusions, to lash out without thinking. 

“It’s always about you, about your fucking work. Let me remind you who of us has an Oscar and who doesn’t.” 

He wishes he could take it back as soon as it leaves his lips. 

She doesn’t shout, doesn’t cry. She’s almost eerily calm when she says, “You can’t be serious right now,” and hangs up on him. 

He fucked up. He knows it immediately, when her voice isn’t in his ear any more, only the tone of a dead line, tinny from the phone speaker. He knows it when he tries her again and the call doesn’t get through. He knows it when his messages aren't delivered either. 

What he doesn’t know is why he said it. Why loving her hurts so much all the fucking time that he somehow needs to turn the pain right back onto her. Not that that makes anything better, any less painful. 

It doesn’t matter now. How drunk, how high he gets. Who sees him. He doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to feel, just get lost for a while. 

But even then. Even when he doesn’t know what time it is, if it’s day or night, or when he last slept. Even then, he still misses her. Even then, he wants to tell her how sorry he is, that he didn’t mean it, that he loves her so much that it makes him fucking stupid. She feels the same way, surely she’ll understand. That’s their whole thing, right? Understanding when no one else does. He just needs to reach her, and then she’ll remember. 

He’s asleep for most of the flight. His head is pounding, his whole body weighed down by a violent hangover and his thoughts jumbled. Still, he manages to end up in front of her hotel room. Flowers in one hand, his heart in the other. 

The sight of her damn near takes his breath away. Fuck, he missed her. 

“Baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I promise I didn’t. Please forgive me, I’m so sorry.” 

Her eyes are wide, her jaw slack. She just stares at him and he has to keep himself from rambling on. His fingers twitch. He watches her swallow and take a deep breath. 

“You look like shit.” 

Then she steps aside to let him in. 

Dieter wants to kiss her until their lips are raw, until he can maybe convince his mind that she’s still his and he’s hers and that everything will be okay. Violet meets him right there, pressing herself against him, her hands pulling at his waist to have him closer. Her breath is hot in his mouth and he drinks it in like the sweetest taste he’s ever had. His fingers map her body, roaming over the warm skin as she melts into him. 

“Dieter,” she whispers, cupping his face with her hands and pulling back the smallest bit so that she can look into his eyes. Her gaze is so soft, making him feel like everything might actually be okay. “I missed you. I’m so happy you’re here.” 

How could he not believe her, when she looks at him like this, with stars sparkling in her eyes? When she fits into his arms like she belongs there? 

She pulls him with her and he follows along willingly, letting himself fall onto the mattress with her, swallowing her giggles when they end up in a mess of clothes and bedsheets. This is why he loves her. How light she makes him feel, how everything makes sense when he looks at her. 

Her fingers are driven with needy urgency when she undresses him, her nails scratching against his skin, her lips hot and wet against every inch of him that she can reach. He shudders when her naked body presses against his, when he feels how wet she is for him, how much she needs him. Her head falls back with a loud moan, exposing her neck, and he litters the sensitive skin with kisses. His lips write messages there, declarations of love over and over. 

His heart gives a painful start when he hears her sniffle, then again when he looks up and finds wet streaks down her cheeks. 

“Baby,” he coos, one hand stroking her hair, the other grazing the skin under her eye, trying to wipe the tears away. “What’s wrong? I know I fucked up, I’m so fucking sorry, I never should have said that, I should’ve—” 

She shakes her head, hard, her bottom lip wobbling before her teeth dig into it. 

“No, I’m sorry, Dee.” 

“What? No, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He tries to soothe her again, but she only cries harder, turning her head away from his touch. 

“I kissed someone.” 

Everything stops. For a moment, he thinks he must have misheard somehow. 

“Like, for the movie, you mean?” Obviously, what else could she mean? “I get that, baby, don’t worry about—”

Another quick headshake. Her voice is so small that it barely reaches his ears. “Not for the movie.” 

She scoots backwards, leaning against the headboard, pulling the bedsheet up around her. Her fingers are nervously fiddling with her necklace. His eyes come to rest there, instead of her face. He can’t look at her face right now. He can’t speak. She continues, her words sounding as if his head was under water. 

“After that— that call, I just, I got really drunk, and I was really sad, and I just wanted you to feel as bad as I felt, and I don’t know, it just happened, but it didn’t mean anything, I promise Dieter, and I’m so fucking sorry, I—”

She stutters and breaks off when he pulls her into his chest, unable to see her like this. 

It hurts, it hurts really fucking badly, but— he kinda gets it? After the shit he’s said? And she told him, right? That’s what’s most important. Because they have a strong relationship. Because they’re honest with each other. He’s fucked up so many times, and she has always forgiven him. 

So he only hugs her tighter, whispering into her hair that it’s okay, over and over, that he forgives her, of course he does, until she stops crying and hugs him back. 

And it is okay, it truly is. Until Dieter is back home, and Violet is still so far away, and the real world catches up with him. Because apparently, someone talked about it, and now there are fucking rumors, and headlines, and questions hurled at him. People who are calling Violet easy, who claim that their relationship was never that serious, who apparently saw all this coming from a mile away. 

He tries not to care, tries telling himself that they don’t know him or her, that he knows the truth of how important they are to each other. Of how serious this is. It’s just— embarrassing. But that’s okay, too. They’ll get through it. Him and her against the world. 

And they’re both trying really hard. Calling each other as often as possible, sharing every little detail of their days with each other. Watching the same movies while on the phone with each other. It reminds him of the first few days, which is really nice, and reminds him of how hard he fell for her and how incredibly lucky he is. It really hurts, too. It hurts how much he misses her, and hearing her voice through the speaker is a sorry compensation for not having her in his arms. But it’s only a few more weeks, and he’s gonna manage. 

He also has a big role coming up himself, which is a welcome distraction. Big enough that his management actually sits him down and reminds him to take it seriously. Which, honestly, leaves him pretty pissed. He’ll admit that he’s been a little out of it lately, but fuck, he’s also had a lot going on. Sue him for having a personal life or whatever. He’s still a fucking great actor, and he’s already wildly successful, isn’t he?! He knows when he can let himself go and when he needs to lock in. 

But it’s good to be working like this again. His days are long, he’s busy, and he has fun doing it. Maybe he gets a little drunk and a little high some evenings. Really just a little, just to calm down. Maybe he misses a few of Violet’s calls, but seriously, it’s all good. He always calls her back as soon as he notices and tells her all about how much he misses her, how much he’s looking forward to seeing her so soon. 

They daydream together, painting images in each other’s heads. About how they should go on vacation together, once they’ve both wrapped up filming, just get away for a bit. Dieter yearns for it. Just the two of them, the bright sun, the beach and the ocean, some place where it’s quiet and calm, where he can just be with her. He loves how happy she sounds when they talk about it. He’s gonna make that happen for her. 

Still, sometimes doubts tug at his mind, worming their way in, morphing into anxiety the longer he dwells on them. He wants to do something before she gets back. Something big, something to convince her how serious he is about them, something that will leave her without any doubt. 

After a sleepless night of frantic thinking and maybe a little weed to get his creativity flowing, he has the perfect plan.

When Dieter steps out of the tattoo shop, he’s incredibly pleased with himself. Both his forearms are now adorned with a V. One is pointing towards his wrist, one towards the crook of his arm. He couldn’t decide which he wanted more. A symbol for himself to look at, or for everyone else to see, to show that he’s hers, always and forever, in the most permanent way. So he just got both. He thinks that she’ll like that, that she’s gonna see the symbolism of it, like yin and yang. 

And she does. He’s waiting for her at the airport, his heart aflutter in his chest, only coming to rest once his whole body is practically slung around her and he can breathe in the sugary scent of her hair again. Her eyes widen when he holds out his arms, her lips slightly parted as she breathes his name. 

“Always and forever,” he tells her, watching as her fingers trail over the letters, leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

“Always and forever,” she repeats back to him, then pulls him close and kisses him until they’re both out of breath and giggling into each other’s mouths. 

It’s like a weight has been lifted off of him, now that she’s in LA again. Just a short drive away, back in his arms almost daily. Some days she visits him on set, which he absolutely loves. Maybe he’s showing off a little when she’s around, but that’s what people always talk about, right? Being with someone who makes you want to be your best self and all that. 

He just wishes that he didn’t get scared sometimes. But it lingers, in the back of his head. The knowledge that eventually one of them will have to leave again, and how hard it was this time. It’s an inevitable part of the job, but he hates it. 

It feeds into his anxiety that still randomly flares up during the day sometimes. He can feel it, then. The phantom pain of missing her again, of fighting, of one of them doing something stupid. 

Weed helps to calm him down when the thoughts get too loud, but then he doesn’t have the energy to learn his lines for the next day. He starts turning to coke for that, starts relying on its sharp burst of energy way too quickly. But it’s not like he does it every day, and it works, at least for the most part. Sometimes, he feels a little dazed, but he’s sure that no one else is noticing that. 

And even if they did— He’s the star of the show, isn’t he?! Without him, there’d be no movie. 

He loves being alone with Violet, loves that they never run out of things to talk about, loves how quiet everything else gets when she’s around him. 

Still, he also loves taking her out, partying with her, letting loose entirely. He loves those nights of not worrying about a single thing, his brain too foggy to even form worries about anything. Just dancing, drinking, and Violet in his arms, her lips sweeter than any substance that’s entering his body. 

And yeah, the hangovers suck, always making his anxiety worse for the next couple of days. But they’re worth it. He’s fucking happy. He’s on top of the fucking world.

He’s convinced that Violet is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. At least once per week, he gets her flowers. Always big bouquets, always with purple as the main color. All his free time is spent with her, because there’s nothing he’d rather do, nothing that would be more fun without her. 

She has noticed his anxiety issues, of course she has, his sweet, observing, caring girlfriend. Her eyes get so big, a crease of worry between her brows, when she asks him to maybe slow down on the drugs a little bit. When she offers to help him meditate, or do yoga together. Always so sweet and willing to help, just so perfect for him. He loves her so much. 

And he doesn’t want her to worry, because there’s nothing to worry about. He’s just a little busy right now, but it’s not a big deal. It only takes an, “everything is fine, babe,” paired with a kiss on her lips to make her smile again, to make that crease on her forehead disappear. She kisses him back, her fingers glide through his hair, and everything is fine. Everything is perfect.

It’s just a little… much, sometimes. He gets overwhelmed, turns to drugs to calm himself down, maybe overdoes it a bit, but he’s got it handled. Maybe he’s been late to work a few times, and that’s somehow enough for his management to have another talk with him. Which is ridiculous. Show him one actor who’s never late, it’s really not that big of a deal. He could stop at any time, he just doesn’t want to. 

He’s simply trying to enjoy his life, but somehow, everybody is set on making that really complicated lately. Maybe he partied a little too hard, passed out a couple of times. But Violet was there with him, being so sweet and caring. So, it was literally fine. No big deal. 

He didn’t pass out last night, it was a great time. Actually, he thinks he might still be high, even though the sun is up high in the sky. His mind is not making the most sense of everything right now. 

Violet had been sitting on his couch when he got up, her knees pulled up to her chin, watching him as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“Everyone’s telling me to break up with you.” 

They hit him like a wall of bricks, those words out of her mouth. They were so quiet that for a moment, he’s convinced that he heard her wrong. When he turns to her, her eyes are shining with unshed tears. 

This doesn’t make sense. It’s them against the world, the world that doesn’t understand them, right? That’s what they always say. 

But she’s not saying that right now, just looking at him with those big wet eyes, and suddenly he’s scared. Scared of what she might say next, scared of what she’s trying to tell him. The fear turns into shame, sour in his throat. Shame about how much power she seems to have over him, how closely his emotions are tied to her. 

He’s been silent for too long, he can see it written over her face. His fingers nervously twitch at his sides, his jaw clenched tightly. 

“What do you want me to say to that?” 

“I—” Her chin is wobbling, tears falling from her eyes now. “Tell me it will get better. Tell me you will get better. Tell me not to go, Dieter!” 

It’s like his world is falling apart before his very eyes. What does she even mean, it will get better? What will? Things have been great, haven’t they? The shame curls in his stomach, becoming darker, angrier. He’s not gonna grovel at her feet all of a sudden when there isn’t even anything wrong. She always tells him that they’re meant for each other, so what the fuck is this? 

“I— I love you,” she whispers when he doesn’t respond. It’s so delicate, more of a soft breath than actual words, and it stings in his chest, how cautious she sounds. He knows that she wants to hear it back, that this is how he’s supposed to respond. He just— can’t. Not right now, not when she’s practically blackmailing him like this. And why does she even need to hear it, she knows it, doesn’t she?! He’s got her initial tattooed on him for fuck’s sake. 

She should just tell everyone to fuck off. The way he does. The way they always do. 

He can’t say it. He stays silent. Silently watches how she unsteadily rises to her feet, silently watches as she leaves his house. 

It only occurs to him hours later, when his head has cleared, that this might actually have been it. That she actually broke up with him. 

He drives over to her house, much too fast, the tires squealing as he comes to a halt. What was he even doing?! Being fucking stupid, of course he loves her. Of course he can say it. As many times as she wants. This was just— he doesn’t know, but it’s not important. Just a glitch. Whatever. 

Her eyes are red and swollen when the opening door reveals her face. Her chin starts to wobble when she sees him. On the table behind her, there’s the last bouquet he sent her. The flowers are wilted, lifeless things. The words feel inevitable before she even says them.

“Please leave, Dieter.”

thank you so much for reading! if you liked it, please consider leaving a comment or a reblog, it would really make my day <3

[lowpolynpixelated]

Call of Duty and the beast that must die

Written by: Clair Beckett

Upon booting up Call of Duty: Black Ops 6 for the first time I was assaulted with a modern "Marvel" type banner, proudly declaring the expansive media franchise that is CALL OF DUTY. I was then given three different screens filled with the names of game studios swallowed by the machine in the series' long and crumbling history of game after game after game. Call of Duty claims itself a pillar of the industry. One of the many posts that hold up the very sky of the video game landscape. It stands now before me, million dollar propaganda for the US military starring Spawn and Nicki Minaj for a limited time only, but only if you can pay the price of admission.

The next thing I was told, of course, was to make an Activision account. The game then prompted me to add my phone number and restart the game twice to make sure that all the personal data it wanted from me was set to go. Modern video games have gone so far beyond what they began as and yet they still ride the corpses of the culture the executives strangled to death loudly and proudly. Remember COD4? Remember Modern Warfare 2? Well we do! And we're happy to announce that we've rewritten and re-released them for $70 with extra US warcrimes written to look like the russians did it! Buy now and get a new golden skin for the gun that will only be in the cash shop rotation for the next two weeks!

Loading into the launchers that games like Halo and Call of Duty have become is insulting. But at least Halo has the dignity to somewhat look like a game instead of a collection of repackaged and hastily made content so that you can push its cosmetics exchange and season passes safely underneath some menus so they don't bother while you try to do the thing you paid for without logging in to your Microsoft account first. No, Call of Duty loads you into a fantastic screen filled with games you COULD own and cosmetics it wants you to spend the money on first. But how did this happen? I thought we were going to vote with our wallets? Show those big companies that we're not gonna take it anymore! Well, astute video gameist, we did. Or, folks like you did, and the resounding answer was "more forever so the money we're making off these pre-order bonuses and cosmetic mircotransations." Except it hasn't slowed down? Has it? So called "microtransactions" have ballooned up to upwards of $20 for single weapon skins or character packs, art that is made at the behest of artists who are cycled out of the offices like so many reams of paper wasted on stock reports.

Call of Duty wastes 0 time showing you all the ways you can spend money every way possible. If you select the game you "own" you'll first be prompted to upgrade to the ultimate edition, then when you select multiplayer you'll be prompted to purchase this month's battlepass, when you select what character you want to present as on each team you get bombarded with skins, pricetags displayed proudly larger than the actual name of the skin. Too, damn, far. Is what this nonsense is. Far be it from me to lay down my journalistic integrity for the absolute slog that fucking Call of Duty has become, but is this really what we play now? Is this what the multi-million dollar companies have to offer? Do you think that anyone working on these games had their passion cared for? Their intent respected? The answer, dear reader, is no.

No, no this isn't about video games anymore. But your average "gamer", as it were, hasn't cared about this in about 10 years. The "gamer culture" that has been fostered within the triple A sphere of the landscape is one of complacency and non questioning attitudes of "the next big thing must be the best because it's the next and the biggest!" when in actuality it's just the biggest number of people laid off without notice and the biggest return for five people in thousand dollar suits. Modern Call of Duty props itself up on the idea of legacy. The idea that the name itself is enough to warrant the money you pay for the content it will legally take away from you in a matter of a few short years so they can save on server costs. But what IS the legacy of Call of Duty? The original titles helped shape the first person shooter landscape, and the fourth title revolutionized multiplayer action games alongside the likes of Halo, but what came after? Almost immediately after COD4's smashing success it traded any sort of message and want for things like gameplay innovation or narrative cohesiveness for an iterative cycle at the behest of a publisher in some of the early days of the triple A landscape becoming a barren sprawl of corporate greed. Mind you I said some of the early days, corporate greed has always been intrinsically tied to the video game landscape but I digress. Call of Duty became one of the first annual franchises. Swapping developer each year back and forth to make games that were baseline iterative on the last promising "bigger and better but also the same, we promise" ad nauseam until something had to give. Modern Warfare 2 is heralded as a gold standard for the series, but it mostly has to do with the most memorable levels letting you gun down civilians in an airport. Otherwise it was the same jarheaded OO-RA gun em' down action that the first game had, minus some rather potent anti-war sentiments.

Call of Duty's legacy then is one of "gamer culture", fiercely embroiled in charging the most for the least at the promise of it being the very bleeding edge of what your new several hundred dollar machine can do. The idea of the annual franchise sold more than consoles it sold promises to people, and executives loved that. The culture I speak of you can see everwhere in the mid to late 2000s and early to mid 2010s before the absurdity of it all really started to take root. From Mountain Dew cans boasting cool spec ops dudes in tactical gear and offering double XP should you buy the sugary sludge, to commercials starring then YouTube celebrities famous for blowing things up with military grade firearms on empty land. Gamer culture was and still is top priority in ensuring people don't question the quality or practices of the things they're being sold now. As long as a company can tug on the heartstrings of millions by saying things like "We grew up playing (insert late 90s/early 2000s video game title here) so we get what makes games fun." They have carte blanche to repackage, resell, and further monetize things that should not cost that much if anything at all. The idea that the name "Call of Duty" should stand as the base pricepoint to sell you a launcher to host all the games you could own while barely showing you the ones you do is that corporate greed taken to such a far extreme it's maddening to think about why people aren't more fucking angry about this.

The great Stephanie Sterling has long spoken on points like this about companies like Activision/Blizzard, Nintendo, and EA. Titans of the industry now only famous for how many people they layoff every few months and how much they charge for games that shouldn't cost that much. In a 2019 article on how Apex Legends ended up saving Electronic Arts from major stock crashes, she said the following:

"Last generation saw the rise of the “fee to pay” game. The PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 made online connectivity obligatory for modern consoles, and it was only a matter of time because videogame publishers smelled an opportunity to make money from constant access to their customers. Full premium expansions for videogames gave way to downloadable content, which in turn gave way to microtransactions appropriated from free-to-play games. Only, they never made the games containing them free.

New “AAA” titles saw their entire in-game economies overhauled for the worse in order to support microtransactions. Dead Space 3, notoriously, had to reduce all its horror elements and become a traditional action game to support a desperate weapon crafting economy. This was excused by pundits and spokespeople as offering players a “choice,” without addressing the fact that psychologically manipulative gameplay elements were not things we could opt out of in the games we were paying sixty dollars for.

Having gotten away with it, however, publishers only grew worse. With traditional DLC, season passes, and multiple special editions, many companies have more than quadrupled down on their monetization, and modern games are slowly - subtly - starting to resemble starter packs more than finished products."

-Stephanie Sterling, "How Apex Legends Saved EA's Ass... In Spite of EA", Feb. 12, 2019

In microcosm I think this perfectly encapsulates what the new legacy of things like Call of Duty is. Full and even fuller priced games being stocked with more and more transactions to pull the most out of the consumer without giving anything meaningful in return. Virtual rewards for real world currency that can be taken away at a moment's notice. Fortnite is most famous for popularizing the "battlepass" style of monetization and rotating cash shop storefronts. By having you purchase funny in-game tokens to buy your skins it hoped to have you forget about the 30$ you just spent on said tokens. Call of Duty and its piers have no such interests. No, cold hard cash is the only way it presents its purchasable garbage and that's what you pay each time you give in to one of it's dozens of FOMO inducing splash screens and reminders. You are taken advantage of for your money. That's not even to touch on the genre destroying concept of "crossover content" which only serves to further drive the idea of sales over substance, with more of your favourite characters and celebrities being added to these games in the form of poorly animated and uncanny models for 20$ a pop.

This new form of selling a legacy can only end in more of the same. More skilled artists, developers, and writers being laid off into an industry that cannot afford to hire them back. Infinite growth has already reached it's glass ceiling and is pretending that it simply cannot see it due to it's see-through nature. These giants of the industry, these beasts, must die to see meaningful creative growth return to such spheres as the triple A landscape. The old must give way to the new, the nostalgia has been wrung out like so many drops from an already dry sponge. Name's are not worth paying for, and neither are concepts. We must think and act critically of these systems if we are to escape them. Voting with your wallet is a false initiative. Participating in the market they have a stranglehold on cannot lead to their downfall. This is all to say the following: Stop buying this nonsense. Look more into the independent scene. Find your new favourite games through channels like itch.io or the "indie" spaces on the other major storefronts. Pay for the games that care about what they are. And for the love of everything stop purchasing US Army propaganda. I'd like to recommend the likes of Stephanie Sterling, as previously mentioned, who's journalistic integrity and strength has persevered through some of the worst of gaming's tumultuous history. Jacob Geller, who's introspective analysis of video games as pieces of living breathing art tell so much about the passion and craft that goes into something as commonplace as "a video game". And finally Noah Caldwell-Gervais, a man who I can only describe as one of the most earnest, honest, and just plain down-to-earth guys to ever grace the gaming landscape. These three along with countless others are avenues into further understanding the type of landscape video games exist in in the modern day. I hope you come away from either this article or their work with something new, be it a game or a thought on all this mess. Thanks for reading.

Sources and links:

"How Apex Legends Saved EA's Ass... In Spite of EA"

Stephanie Sterling's work

Analyzing Every Torture Scene in Call of Duty — All 46 of Them (Jacob Geller)

How Many Clicks Does It Take To Get to the Center of Diablo? [A Franchise Retrospective] (Noah Gervais)

[maxwell-grant]

The Penguin Episode 5: "Homecoming" Breakdown

BREANNAH: I think, if Oz had it his way, I think Victor would carry on Oz's legacy. AMY: Do you think that Victor can ever see Oz as his Rex Calabrese? BREANNAH (sighs): I think that is what Oz wants. I think if Oz had it his way, by the end of this series, Victor would want to plan Oz's funeral and have a parade through the streets and be the, um AMY: The biggest parade ever? BREANNAH: The biggest parade ever. - The Penguin Podcast Episode 5

(Art by @butcherbilly)

(Episode 1) (Episode 2) (Episode 3) (Episode 4) (Episode 6) (Episode 7) (Episode 8)

I wanna know who decided to bang up the Penguimobile so meticulously to give it the angriest, most anthropomorpic scarred face a Maserati can possibly have, on the second before it's given a Viking funeral. That thing looks like a wounded animal and I refuse to accept this was accidental.

I knew we were in for something special when it opened with "Did I ever tell of Rex Calabrese" and the Penguinmobile being burned, and then it turned out to actually be a funeral for the Penguinmobile and the history of why Oz wanted a Penguinmobile so badly, why was it so deeply important for him as a kid to dream that one day he'd get a big flashy stupid car to roll down the block with, and what burning the Penguinmobile means to him now.

"It wasn't just a car, it was a chariot. Made a kid with a bum leg feel like even he could be king." "End of an era."

"Only the good die young." Sure hope that bodes nothing terrible for Victor's future.

It is pretty funny that Oz has Tiktok installed on his phone and that this one scene confirms it exists in this universe, the jokes just kinda write themselves there.

Vic sure seems like he's rapidly getting a taste for the action, the decision he's made is bringing a fight out of him no one but Oz had ever really imagined was there. Not only is he getting comfortable with doing violence on Oz's behalf and making his own decisions, but he's gotten to a point where he's starting to actually look up to Oz, seeing him the way Oz wants to be seen.

Oh hey it's the police chief from The Batman, glad that he shows up here, especially in a context where he gets to eat shit.

I wish Eve Carlo showed up more, so far she hasn't really had too much to do although this episode definitely is the most we've seen. Someone who Oz doesn't really have much leverage with because she sees many of the cracks in his image and who's had a target on her back because of him the moment we were introduced to her, her protectiveness over the girls, the stuff mentioned in the commentary, all of that is interesting and I expect we're gonna get more elaboration regarding her down the line - it's already a big question mark whether she'll even survive the show.

"That's what I do, I fix things. That's all I ever fucking do."

I like these moments of pathetic defiance and pained regretful self-serving vulnerability that we get from Johnny Viti in this episode, with Sofia eating the scenery with the power she now holds over him even as what he reveals still very much hurts her.

The painful vulnerability of Francis nearly burning the house down while softly clutching a catcher's mitt, steeling up and joking with Victor about her bruises, and the sheer happiness and pride overflowing from her as she practically dances to the news that her son gassed an entire family to death, God what a character. She waited her whole life for these scumbags to die and die by her son's hand, it's gonna be a real gutpunch when or if she finds out the truth.

Oz doing everything he does so he can come home one day and have his mom tell him she's proud of him, and at the happiest and most prideful we've ever seen (and probably will ever see) Francis, he wasn't there to see it, and it was only because Victor spun a lie for him.

I wanna take a little aside just to highlight some of Shohreh Aghdashloo's comments regarding Nadia Maroni and her final moments, and this is probably the character I'm going to most miss because I was very interested in everything that she brought to the table, the history and the perspective that this character brings to Gotham, and what went into her creation and death.

She's coming from a huge family. She left the revolution behind. She has traveled the seven seas, she has learned a lot, and therefore she herself has been revolutionized. She's where she cannot tell the difference between right and wrong. All she's trying to do is to save her family, her husband, her son, and what's important to them. There is no right and wrong there. Which reminds me of a poem by the Persian poet Rumi, which says, "Beyond the notion of right and wrong, there is a field. Would you like to meet me there?". That's where she is standing.

Her country was invaded. Foreign occupation. Now she needs to make another country her country, and then save herself and her family. And she's willing to do everything to the point that she would even sacrifice herself for this family.

I guess when you go through a lot and do not have time to think about your doings, your past, your present, what's going to happen in the future, you're just involved with something like a snowball that comes out downhil. You really don't think properly. All you do is action, action, and what's right to do right now.

If she had been thinking thoroughly, she would have not done that - The Penguin Podcast Episode 5

‘Why does Nadia go there? She can send people to bring her son back,’” Aghdashloo says of Nadia’s characterization as an Iranian mother. “But she doesn’t, because she calls her son ‘joon,’ ‘dear,’ and she is ready to sacrifice herself for him. We can’t help it.”

Every time an Iranian mother talks to their son, their name is always followed by “joon,” or “dear.” And at the end of the conversation, it usually ends like this: “ghorbunet beram.” “I sacrifice myself for you.” Nadia literally sacrifices herself for her son. That is the best part, for me, of this scene. If she were a real mob boss, she wouldn’t get herself involved with this. But she is a housewife. She makes mistakes. That scene means so much to me. I’ve been asked, “Why does Nadia go there? She can send people to bring her son back.” But she doesn’t, because she calls her son “joon,” “dear,” and she is ready to sacrifice herself for him. Ghorbunet beram. - The Penguin’s Shohreh Aghdashloo Couldn’t Let Nadia Stay Quiet, by Roxana Hadadi,

Having established that, Jesus Christ.

Oh so that's why Shohreh Aghdashloo's name and eyes were superimposed behind the burning car the whole time in the credits, you fuckers, that's why.

The "You know my reputation?" line from the movie always took a whole different meaning with the show, but with that scene, Oz cooking a mother and her son alive while they embraced and gleefully watching it all happen, is the first time we see him deserve the reputation he boasted about, it's a real what-the-fuck moment in a way that even the stabbing in Episode 2 was not, in part because this was not necessary, and it was extremely premeditated. Oz may have done it only after the Maronis locked the door and tried to kill him, he may have done it as payback for them stealing his shrooms and trying to kill him, but he had already doused Taj in gasoline first. He likely expected Nadia to be there to retrieve him. He waited until Taj was in her arms. It's fucking vile and impossible to justify even more so than the other vile unjustifiable things Oz had done up to this point.

Extremely cool and good that, when asked if this is the worst thing Oz has done, Lauren Lefranc very quickly said No. Cool, cool cool, fun times ahead.

I highlight those excerpts where Aghdashloo discusses the character's morality because it is important to how the Maronis function differently from the Falcones, as we'll see with Sal later, but also the fact that Oz is not targeting people who are morally below him. He is not sticking it to the man by attacking the Maronis. Everything Aghdashloo describes above about Nadia's morality and decision-making aligns with how Victor and Oz function, but Nadia has more family to lose, and she respects a code that Oz wipes his ass with and actively exploits to beat them with. The Maronis still think that they can survive in this town by being strong principled gangsters, when this is a city of villains.

Something about the image of a self-pitying American gangster gleefully burning a middle-eastern family alive, under the pretense of payback but largely because he could get away with it.

"I think there's a reason that we're more interested in the life of the villains nowadays than Madame Curie or, you know, Dostoevsky, is the fact that we want to know what happens to a person that turns them from a human into a creature."

“Maybe today, where we’re standing at the junction of history, we need to get to know our villains so we know how to deal with them,” she says with a wink." -

I can't say too many of the Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul comparisons have been particularly warranted, but Oz losing his shit at daylight in a yellow/orange-lit deserted junkyard because he ruined his entire drug batch as a result of his cruel recklessness is an extremely BrBa/BCS moment, no notes.

Extreme credit to Colin Farrell that he's nonetheless able to elicit sympathy, despairing over his lifeline turned to ashes in his hands and begging Victor to get his mom somewhere safe, not even being able to name where exactly she would be, because even his mastery over the city is failing him.

Congratulations Sofia, you've risen up to the role of Batman Supervillain so fast that you even get your own Harley Quinn now

Dr.Rush is almost aggressively pathosless compared to everyone else in the show in a way that I think works for his role, that his presence is wildly uncomfortable to us in a lot of ways, and that he's even breathing speaks still to Sofia's buried need to have someone, anyone, in her corner, even a guy who was complicit in her torture.

It's easy to parse his sticking around as attraction to Sofia and I didn't quite know what to make of it, but Theo Rossi laid out a lot of very insightful commentary on the podcast regarding what he saw as the driving force of the character and those got me seeing Dr.Rush as a genuinely interesting spin on the Arkham psychologist. Even if very much not intentionally, I do think he's actually offering an interesting meditation on the broad strokes of Harley Quinn, specifically what drives an ethical-but-naive psychologist to throw themselves wholesale into submitting before the higher force-of-personality offered by a supervillain, even without being manipulated into doing so.

He, like many of us in life, was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I think that he went in with the best intentions to go into Arkham, and then he realized what Arkham was, and how horrific it was. I think, to deal with that, because someone who gives their entire life to a specific profession is kind of sheltered from real feelings, if you're dealing with other people's feelings. And I don't think he ever really explored his, in a way. So he gets this opportunity, and he sees what she has become, this butterfly. She had become something else. And he was so dying to become something else other than himself. And he had spent all these years after Arkham numbing himself and doing whatever. A lot of this came to me months after shooting (laugh).

There was a very significant part in Ep.2 where she slaps him, and what we had written in there is that he looks like he enjoyed it. It's like that he enjoyed the feeling of pain because he needed to feel something again. I think that he's become so incredibly numb to watching this horrific thing that he basically lost himself, and why he now dedicated his life to doing whatever was because he needed to rectify his soul, in a way, for what he had seen in this horrific thing.

This is someone who's lost in every single way due to the profession that they had followed, which in probably the beginning sounded like a really fantastic idea. I think that it's dedication to something and seeing now, adding on physical violence, this violence he's seeing, this true, horrific thing, and then also adding on guilt, and adding on, "Is she innocent? Am I complicit? How do I-"

And then add on his own stuff of, "I want what you have". How did you come from the depths of the worst place a human can be, to literally be thrown away, like we were just saying about Rosemary Kennedy. How do you come from there to gain your power and be fully in control? And really strut, like this peacock, where you go, "Oh my-How do I get that?". That's the superpower.

RIP in shit Johnny Viti, you died as you lived, being the idiot who thinks this is still about the money and not sending a message.

Like the other piece of shit backstabber in Sofia's life, all she needed him for was to open the door.

Extremely great incorporation of the Gigante name here, as is Sofia going to war with her mother's coat and painting her as a force too great for the Falcones to handle, assembling the final piece of the great burning self-mythology of family injustice she needs to put on a show as a Batman Villain, looking like she stepped out of the Tim Burton movies and declaring the new order everyone's gonna have to get in line with or die.

Sofia once again demonstrates the ways in which supervillains not only exist, but take over the existing orders: She arrives at the table with warpaint and fur, addressing these men as wronged underdogs like her and her mother, showing herself as a boss who will seriously and almost aggressively not screw them over for the sake of getting a cut, who will pay them ludicrously and generously if they stand by her as she chucks the royal lineage of Gotham in the trash and reaches out to their biggest enemies, as she guns down the Reasonable Businessman on the table so they can take the money caked in his brain matter - and only if they address her by her new nom-de-guerre first, of course.

Of course money is less than dogshit to her - she grew up never wanting for it, then she spend 10 years where it never mattered / actively screwed her over, and now she's single-minded on achieving vengeance and viewing money as only a necessary conversation tool - money was what Milos and Viti cared about, and that way of thinking died with them. They were the dinosaurs who thought they could out-reason or just buy out the meteor.

This is how traditional crime gets it's back broken in Gotham: the mob spent two decades with cheat codes to infinite money, and then Batman took it away, and at the moment they most needed to seriously reorganize and adjust for having limited money, the freaks they created killed them and are now taking over with equally impossible promises far more appealing to regular people, continuining the chain of dominoes that reaches all the way back to the day Thomas Wayne saved Carmine Falcone's life and kicks off why and how Gotham City becomes the place where people like the Batman and the Riddler and the Penguin exist.

It is not only the episode where Sofia comes out to the world as a supervillain, but it's the one where Oz begins doing the same, as we'll see in the end.

This new order is also part of why Sofia ultimately extends an invitation to Sal Maroni. A thing that I was not expecting about Sal, that Clancy Brown brought up as soon as he showed up on a post-episode segment, is that Sal Maroni is easily manipulated. He is the closest we've ever gotten to a classic Honorable Gangster, to a strong and silent Gary Cooper type, the Don who genuinely cares about honor and family and fairness, and he is a sucker. A dumb sucker who lost before the story began, only kept losing while in jail, who needed his wife to coach him and do the real work, and now needs Sofia, who's aiming to become an actually successful Honorable Gangster, to come in her place because he can't even avenge his family on his own.

He is not totally defenseless given the prison escape, but really the main reason he's not visibly and immediately and obviously clockable as a dumb sucker is because Clancy Brown is playing him, which fits his role as a counterpart to Carmine Falcone, Gotham's first villain The Hangman, because nobody would expect John Turturro to be the serial killer king orchestrator of everything wrong in the world. Sal is the anti-Carmine Falcone, and that's why Sofia extends him the grace of an invitation. Because he wouldn't have thrown his daughter to the wolves like that over nothing.

She knows he is right about "You Falcones eat your own", it's how she got here after all. I don't think she respects Maroni, but I think she respects every other man in Gotham even less. At least this one actually honors his word, for what good it does him, and he has just as much reason to pursue her war against Oz as she does, and in the new way of things, in this post-Batman world they live in, it is Justice and Vengeance that rule the city now.

Getting to see the horrific state Crown Point's in also goes a long way towards adding justification for Victor's decisions. That was where he lived up until Oz took him in, Squid was the most powerful person in his life up until that moment, that was the apocalyptic tragedy his beloved neighborhood had turned into. Victor has that love for Gotham and that connection to the family that died here, that the city took and he cannot accept that. That's what he shares with Oz, and with Bruce as well. Of course he couldn't leave it all behind to join Graciela in the sunset, of course he couldn't leave this city anymore than Oz or Bruce could.

Oz getting a bitter taste of his own bullshit when Eve maneuvers around his insecure temper tantrum and makes herself small so he can feel big and not endanger her any further, and he knows it - on some level he has to know she's playing him the way he plays everyone else, and he will go along with it.

Crushing stuff in that scene with Francis - Oz spinning too many plates and despairing and sinking morally and emotionally the whole episode, and then when he thinks he gets to just rest, when all he wants is to go back to his mom's arms for a beat, she shreds his heart to pieces and holds his feet to the fire so he will get back to work. Even more fucked up is that this is her doing the best she can possibly do for him at the moment, because that's how Oz gets things done. Through her negative reinforcement, when he's backed into a corner, when he's desperate and with no way out, that's when he gets miracle solutions and right now they desperately need one.

"My ma, she's what keeps me good" - even if that were even remotely true, your mom doesn't want you to be good, she wants you to win.

We're back to the shithole I raised you in and the only way we're getting out is if you become the Penguin, so be the fucking Penguin.

AND SO HE FINDS HIS OWN BATCAVE

Speaking as someone who always liked Penguin living underground as much as (maybe a little more) the Iceberg Lounge, no small part of me is happy that this one gets to do both, and that this choice of lair comes with a whole story. Oz used to play around here with his brothers, and now he's bringing along a new brother to join him down there.

Burned down to nothing but trauma and resourcefulness and the only person who hasn't given up on him, this person who's seeing him the way he wants to be seen, this kid who embodies the best of him, someone who makes this whole thing worth doing in the first place.

BREANNAH GIBSON: (on the comparison to Walter White and Jesse Pinkman) I think that's a great comparison, especially as you get into the later seasons of Breaking Bad where Walt just becomes this sort of, unrecognizable character from the pilot, and Jesse is - is sort of his moral compass. I think, in a way, Oz and Victor have a similar relationship because Oz keeps him around because he wants to mentor him, and in that way you can see that there's something good in Oz.

Like, I know that he says that his ma is good, and I think he believes that when he's saying it to Victor, but Oz would never admit that in the real situation that they're in, Victor is his moral compass here. Victor is the good in the situation, and Victor is that naive kid from the same neighborhood that Oz grew up in, that maybe Oz wants to see succeed.

And if he helps Victor succeed, he succeeds. And I think there's part of that that Oz is really enjoying about their relationship. And especially in this episode, you know, after Ep.3, Victor's all in. He came back for Oz. He saved him. He's now like, "It's the two of us, and there's nobody else." - Penguin Podcast Episode 5

Armed with these, he storms the underground to prove he can do the impossible and build an empire with two buckets.

Not just the faint last hope, but the first thing he has that's actually by his doing - not owned by the Falcones and leased to him in his role as their court jester, not something he's paying other people to let him use, something he took for himself and then grew into a whole thing.

Which is what The Penguin does - he builds and grows and takes over and expands until Batman has to deal with him. Among the Batman villains, he is the empire builder, and this is where he starts. So far he's just been fixing, now it's time to start building.

And I'll leave the final words here with @davidmann95

OZ USES THE SAME ABANDONED SUBWAY SYSTEM AS BATTINSON BECAUSE THEIR HERO/VILLAIN PARALLEL IS ROOTED IN THEIR SHARED LOVE OF GOTHAM (AS WELL AS THEIR CONNECTIONS TO THE FAMILIES THEY LOST AS CHILDREN IN THIS TAKE THAT BOTH LEAD THEM HERE), SO GOOD

we talked around it a little before but this was definitely the 'okay, fuck it, I guess I'm a supervillain now' episode

Oz, the scummy wheeling-dealing doublecrosser trying to keep all his bullshit in the air and maneuver his way into a successful partnership with anyone he can that he can eventually get on top of Someday, reaches the end of his rope

So now The Penguin has to live in his subterranean childhood trauma lair to defeat all his enemies outright by eating Gotham from the inside out with Arkham super-drugs

[hannah-banana-lou]

Come back to me

So to start off with, i hate a lot of fanfics that include the (y/n) character as a barely legal, fragile, tiny thing that is oblivious to sex because that is just not me! i love alot of fanfics that have a lot of world building, real life issues and are really in depth, mixed in with some smut, steamy romance and fluff. i know this will not be for everyone but for those who do enjoy that, i hope this does it for you!

Husband William afton x Wife female reader - AU.

Planning on making this into a series if people like it!

content warning: marriage issues, smut, verbal abuse, age gap couple - william (early 50's) Reader (mid/late 20's)

UNDER 18'S DNI!!!

Come back to me (pt.1)

A glance. A kiss. Lips crashing down unto yours. he has you pinned against the bedroom door, panting heavily. Hands exploring places they've been so many times before. yours hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. desperation. his hooking their way into your sweatpants, teasingly close to where you need him, where you're yearning for him. his kisses moving from your lips, slowly trailing along your jaw before reaching your neck. he bites, suckles and licks the skin there, sending tingles throughout your body, reaching to your core. you're lost in the moment, feeling his beard scratch so deliciously against your skin, his lips soft but desperate. You need this. He needs this.

"mommy!" your ears prick up. the sound of one of your twins calling for you. you ignore it, trying to focus on the present scene unfolding in front of you.

"mommy, look at me!" again. calling for you. you can feel a haze slipping over you. mind going grey, unable to feel the kisses being planted.

a snap of your husbands fingers and you jump. you're in the garden, sitting on the patio next to william. the morning sun is beaming, your two children running around the garden, screaming and giggling. you glance over at william, he is staring at you. the silence between you both brooding ... deafening.

"your children are calling for you. just gonna ignore them?" he grunts out. a dig at you, most definitely.

you shake your head in response, taking the cup filled with coffee off the table, moving it up to your lips and taking a sip, you frown. it's gone cold.

the better part of the morning is spent playing with your children, trying to forget that you have a marriage counselling appointment in the early afternoon. not the first and most definitely not the last. no doubt william will find some excuse to not attend, he thinks marriage counselling is a scam, a waste of money. he refused to even acknowledge the idea until you nagged him for weeks. he eventually gave up.

you're now sat in the car, he's driving. the silence is painful. the drive to the appointment, uncomfortable.

your in the appointment. all his responses are grunts or a few word answers, while you're pouring your heart out, begging for him to just talk to you. a usual occurrence during these appointments.

You stop crying, lost in thought. maybe he was having an affair, it would explain a lot... no. yes. wait... would he do that to you? when would he have the time? god. don't be silly, he isn't cheating on you.... right? Before your mind can trail off anymore the therapist throws a question to you both.

"what are the biggest issues within your marriage? we have discussed this before briefly, however i'm curious as to the individual answers. William, why don't you start us off? yes?"

you glance over at william. he is staring directly at the therapist, poor woman, having to endure his death stare. his eye twitches slightly. he's trying to calm himself before answering. you avert your gaze back to the floor.

"Nothing is wrong with my marriage. i dont believe there are issues" your husband spits out.

the older woman nods, accepting his answer before she turns to you and nods again, signalling for you to answer.

"well... for starters i feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. he avoids me like the plague. there is no love, no affection, no.... no intimacy anymore" you begin.

william adjusts himself in his seat. clearly annoyed at the intimacy comment. you keep your gaze focused on the therapist.

"He wont talk more than a few words to me without snapping at me, he's stopped sleeping in our bedroom, he's taken the spare room instead. i never see him anymore. i'm... i... I've just had enough. it's hard living in a space that you have known as home for many years, yet feel so unwelcome at the same time" you finish. you can feel his stare burning into the side of your head.

the older woman nods again. that's all she seems to do, just nod. it can be quite annoying. she looks between you both.

"Y/N why do you feel like William has become this way with you?"

you sigh, not knowing the answer. you could only answer with what your mind has provided as far fetched ideas over the past few months. you shrug. "i'm not sure. i have a lot of ideas, none that could be close to the truth though" you respond, voice soft, deflated. like you've given up.

"One good way to get your marriage on track is open communication. Y/n why dont you share your ideas with William. it's a good place to start"

you sigh again and look over at william. he is staring at the floor. annoyed written all over his features. he looks over at you

"William..." you start with a sigh. "i... uhm... i have begun to think that maybe... you have fallen out of love with me" his gaze softens, almost looking heartbroken that you could ever think that. he shakes his head. he goes to reach out his hand, it lifts ever so slightly but stops immediately, his fists tightened, a small noise escaping his lips. almost like the whimper of a wounded animal as he quickly avoids your gaze, looking back down at the floor.

you take a moment to process what just happened. what was that noise? sound of affirmation? or denial? maybe his reaction is something to be hopeful for?

"any other ideas you have that you would like to share?" she adds quickly.

you nod, taking a deep breath. you knew he wasn't going to like this one but you had to get it out before the thought consumes you.

"William, i have thought for a while that you are having an affair." you blurt out.

his softened gaze quickly turns to a grimace, furrowed eyebrows. followed with a scoff before he stands up, grabbing your hand "session over. thanks for your time doc, see you next month" he mumbles as he pulls you out the door. the doctor looking more so confused than ever as she watches the two of you leave abruptly.

you get back into the car. oh he's pissed. maybe he is embarrassed that you brought that up? self conscious of how he looks in front of the therapist maybe?

he drives in silence before turning into an empty parking lot near a wooded trail path, probably for dog walkers.

he parks up before turning to you, face twisted with anger "An affair? an affair? .... AN AFFAIR?" He snaps. you nod "it just makes s-" he cuts you off "NO Y/N! NO! the falling out of love i can understand but an affair? i have done nothing to make you think that way"

you look at him confused.

"you're not affectionate. you're only happy when you're around the kids, you're only affectionate in public for 'appearances', you wont sleep in the same bed as me, let alone fuck me anymore, so you must be getting it from someone else!" you angrily snap out, you knew being with an older man would have it's problems but not to this extent.

he rolls his eyes. scoffs. "you're ridiculous. i am not having an affair!"

"it makes more sense than 'i'm stressed' " you quickly respond

he scoffs again but doesn't respond. just stares out the windshield of the car into the woods adorning the outskirts of the parking lot. the forest looked peaceful, serene almost. you continue to stare at him waiting for a response. receiving nothing.

you place your hand on his thigh gently "Will... Bear. please just talk to me... let me in again" you whisper. no response from him. he smiles in his mind at the use of the old nickname for him.

he was your bear. Tall, grumpy and hairy as one. Used to have you in fits of laughter when he would groan and snore, you telling him the attributes resembled a bear when you were first dating. hence the nickname.

Something snaps inside of him.

Your argument before, playing through his mind.

He looks over at you, eyes boring into yours. he reaches his hand out, cupping your cheek. it's been too long since he last touched you.

He moves from your cheek and trails his fingers through the mids of your hair before leaning down, hand clamped on the back of your head, moving you up to meet him halfway, lips on yours. slow. tender. A sense of yearning in the kiss. you let out a small surprised noise. not complaining in the slightest. just surprised, shocked even.

he pulls away ever so slightly, lips still touching. a small protesting whine leaving your lips as you desperately try to kiss him again. he stops you. nuzzling his nose against yours. hot breaths caressing each others skin. his lips soft. as you remember them. a free hand intertwined with your left hand, fingers caressing your wedding and engagement rings.

"I've not fallen out of love with you bunny" he breaks the silence, his words barely above a whisper. desperation. yearning. sadness being carried in his voice.

[ennn]

I expect Billy is going to be an antagonist for a while and that's OK

Anti's for either Agatha or Billy are probably going to get more intense as I predict our boy Billy's gonna be antagonistic for a bit. And let's be clear, I'm not hating, or saying either are evil, or in the wrong.

That's way too simple a take for this show. In the words of showrunner Jac Schaeffer:

...we populated the show with similarly flawed individuals who are also selfish and self-serving, who are self-sabotaging, who are constantly standing in their own way. And then they were just in conflict.  Everybody is kind of an anti-hero in the show. That was really fun and felt very truthful there. 

No one here is meant to be a pure "good guy", which is I think kind of Billy's arc -- but more on that later.

And when I mean antagonist I'm talking about the characters roles in the story. An antagonist isn't necessarily a villain. Agatha is the show's protagonist as well as its main antagonist: as much as she claims she wants only power, deep down she wants a coven, a community, a family. But she is as Schaeffer puts it, "in the way of her own thing."

Billy being an antagonist simply means that his goals – or some of them at least – conflict with Agatha's. Rio has been described as a "romantic antagonist" as well because some of her goals are also in conflict.

Long text speculation post and mild promo spoilers under the cut:

Let's first get this out of the way: Why do I think Billy's going to take on an antagonist role? Aside from well, all the things that happened at the end of Episode 5, there's some clues Billy's not all who he's been saying he is:

There's a promotional video with audio lines, and you can hear Billy saying things like "Agatha Harkness can never be anything but a covenless witch" and "I do not trust you".

Billy claiming to be "obsessed" about Agatha and her biggest fan and going on the road for power should know that she is the world's most notorious witch-killer – why is he appalled about her killing and so against it? And if episode 5 is any indication, power is not what he's lacking.

Joe and Schaeffer have mentioned that Billy will be different in the back half of episodes.

A quick clip from a trailer has Agatha (covered in mud) telling Billy "Last one there is a nice person", implying that Billy at this point doesn't want to be nice. I assume, at this point, he wants Agatha to pay for her misdeeds. The yellow tint of the clip also matches with the current Road area they're on.

Now at this point I do not know if Billy was involved in what I believe is a fake trial in episode 5. I'm inclined to think it's the Salem Seven, and we get this truth of Billy as fallout. I believe he definitely didn't want Alice dead.

Now for reasons why I think it'll be okay–even interesting–to have these two in conflict and everyone should put away their pitchfolks:

They are going to come to an understanding

You know how in Hawkeye series Yelena wants to kill Barton because she blames him for Natasha's death? I think we'll get a broadly similar arc or vibe for Agatha and Billy here. And they will design it in a similarly emotionally satisfying manner.

Right now Billy's basically like everyone–including the rest of the coven–who believes that Agatha is truly what her reputation says. And that's not surprising! Agatha is masks and layers and theatrics and she's not opening up unless she absolutely has to.

It may take a few episodes but I expect we'll get that before the series end, with this sobering exchange we have from a trailer:

Why do you let them believe those things about you? Because the truth is too awful.

I don't think Billy will be the Big Bad simply because I expect at the end Agatha's going to have to choose between wanting her coven, her community of witches, and something else—power perhaps, or her son, and go back to her old ways.

And for that to happen Agatha will need to have formed enough bonds with her coven, including Billy, to make it a difficult choice.

Power, darkness, and anti-heroes

Look, Agatha is my babe and she definitely needs a win after all that awful that happened in episode 5, but if you think about it Billy being a lot like his mom is really interesting? More interesting than him just being a cute innocent fanboy.

Because if he is an anti-hero, with some darkness in him, it's an opportunity to explore some of the themes or ideas we touched on in Wandavision with Wanda and her power, and her sense of self.

Heroes don't torture people.

Agatha recognises the darkness in people, delights in it even: as touched on in interviews, it's one of the reasons why she saw herself as Detective Agnes in that spell, as an investigator exploring the darkest aspects of humanity. She's seen the worst in people, and knows how to play the villain.

For Billy to avoid making the same mistakes as his mom, he needs to understand not just his power, but his potential for darkness.

Power corrupts, and when you're born with that reality-warping level of power, it's dangerous. It's so tempting to make people do what you need them to. And it's a slippery slope once you start killing, even if it's for good reasons.

Agatha never wanted to kill her first coven, in that moment she only wanted to live. But she did, with a power she never asked for, that made it so easy to keep taking and taking.

It is kind of tragic given the circumstances that Agatha couldn't have been a mentor to Wanda at the end of Wandavision, given the events of Multiverse of Madness, because she made some valid points and they could have been a coven, given Agatha's deep-deep-buried desire for one.

And looking at all the mentor-kid pairings we've seen in the MCU so far (Parker and Stark, Clint and Bishop, Strange and Chavez, etc.), I don't think we've ever had this kind of dynamic.

Interesting power dynamics

I think Agatha is at her most interesting when she's on the back foot. As we've seen in episode one, she's not one to give up when physically outmatched, quite the opposite. She's a survivor, she's stubborn, and she's a performer.

Billy has been revealed to have the magical equivalent of a gun, and is capable of taking this entire coven hostage.

They're going to have to interact in new ways now. But now it's going to be more of a dance.

It's new danger, new complications, but also new ways to connect, and also the opportunity for a more honest relationship.

Knowledge, history, community

This point isn't specific only to Agatha and Billy but I'm reminded of Billy taking it out not just on Agatha but Lilia and Jen as well.

It's not surprising that Alice and Billy, the two youngest coven members are also the most idealistic and noble. The world has not been kind to witches over the centuries—Lilia's been chased out of villages for her visions, Jen has been attacked—and the older members of the group have done what they can to survive: How much can you blame them for being selfish in a cruel world?

Power isn't your problem, it's knowledge.

In this case I mean not just the knowledge of witchcraft, but lived experience as well.

Younger witches have to learn their community's history, and the older ones have to be challenged in their set ways of thinking, in how they've adapted, because they're not always good.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was an allegory to be made here to the queer community as well. Schaeffer has mentioned there is a large overlap between the history and persecution of witches and that of the LGBTQ community.

--

Good lord this post ran away from me. If you actually read all of that you do deserve a cookie.

[spaceprince-jupiter]

Is anyone else wildly disappointed with how severance ended?

like every moment up until the last scene in the hallway was amazing, beautiful, mark and gemma reuniting was beautiful they had more love and chemistry together in that whole 5 minute scene than helly and mark had the entire show.

and mark just turns around and runs back to helly, back to lumon. you know the place that no longer needs him and even if they did they wouldn’t trust him. he literally killed a higher up, sabotaged their biggest victory and created a innie rebellion. what do mark and helly think is gonna happen?? they’re gonna live happily ever after on the severed floor? no. mark personally signed his own death warrant and now lumon could try to continue their work. does he think he’ll never leave lumon? that the second outie mark is in control he wouldn’t just quit? he would know that innie mark abandoned gemma. they spend the whole show mourning the loss of a life outside lumon and he finally gets the chance to escape, to ruin lumon and never send anyone to this hell again and he denies it. keep in mind he couldn’t even tell the difference between helly and helena. real romantic love story, where you could be replaced and your boyfriend would never know.

maybe they’ll get another season but maybe they won’t. i know if i was a tv executive i wouldn’t sign them on again.

there’s so much they didn’t explain. so mark was working on gemma’s brain but what about everyone else? was irving, dylan and helly all working on her too? or are there others being tortured in the basement and mourned by their loved ones outside. what’s with the goats? are they literally just raised to be sacrificed? but if so why have so many goats? why have a whole department for goats? what about all the other lumon agencies around the world with thousand of severed works? and all the other departments what are they working on?

rather than explore any of that have 10 minutes of the stupidest decision ever running down a hallway.

gemma is free yay but you never actually concluded the story in a meaningful way. If mark left with gemma than they could run off into the sunset or whatever and the assumption would be that now together they could take down lumon. Instead you end the possibly series finale with more questions than answers and a deep feeling like i wasted my time trying to invest in this story and characters.

maybe i’m the only one but just yeah.

[bloomeng]

I know MXTX is a good author I want to get that out of the way before I get into this. She’s a fantastic (male) character writer and she has a great grasp on interpersonal connections. Though she’s working in an established niche genre she’s still very creative, I think SV especially is evidence of that. But there’s one thing that I just can never seem to get a pulse on, and that’s how much she means to comment on classism.

Author’s intent is always gonna be tricky especially when I have to rely on translated texts and interviews. There’s probably a lot of nuance that I miss, not to mention literally interviews I’ve never seen etc. It also doesn’t help that I haven’t read most of TGCF yet, so I can’t comment on that series, and with SV this conversation is less applicable, so for the sake of what I know best I’m gonna be using MDZS as my main example.

Classism is undeniably at the heart of MDZS’s themes, however for years anytime I analysis the text I’m usually fairly cautious to note that I don’t know if this was intentional. This isn’t because I think MXTX is stupid or can’t handle deep conversations, it’s simply because I can’t tell if it was her intent. On paper it seems obvious; WWX, JGY and XY’s wealth disparities, how privilege drives the plot, literally everything about the Wens as a whole. So much of the novel’s runtime is spent showing us how corrupt the feudal system can be, going so far as to have a protagonist who dies for the cause and two antagonists who are driven to be awful because of their poor circumstances in life. It feels intentional that WWX was granted a certain amount of privilege based on something he was born with (his parents connections) and how easily people turned on him. Sure he does unethical things but if not for his status it’s likely he wouldn’t have had to do half the things he ends up doing, not to mention that plenty of people didn’t like before the demonic cultivation started. JGY acting as a foil for WWX feels intentional and I would absolutely consider them foils regardless of intent. With all this in mind I would be inclined to say that yeah, MDZS is commenting on classism, but then WWX marries into the corrupt system and we the audience are supposed to read this as a good thing.

This has always been my biggest qualm with the book. We spend so much time showing how awful this system is and the two people who do anything to try and save it are punished for it by death. Sure WWX is brought back but as soon as he’s in Mo’s body he’s aimless. JGY is of course the secondary villain of the series, but MXTX goes out of her way to make us understand that even when JGY had power, his birth kept him from actually holding any real control, and what control he did have he mostly used to get bad people out of power and make the community better (he was biased and paranoid and vengeful but MXTX’s characters are nothing if not nuanced). Why set all this up to end up in such a contradictory place?

I get that solving such big issues such as classism isn’t easy and we want a happy ending but does MDZS even have a happy ending? None of the mc’s besides LWJ and (supposedly) WWX and LSH and LJY are in good positions by the end of the story. I remember reading MDZS for the first time and thinking that LWJ would fall for WWX because of his radical ideas and eventually see that the Lans were contributing big time to this awful system that favors wealth over everything. Especially because we have a second plot line about whatever was going on with LXC and JGY. And then it just never happens. Instead the Lan sect are painted as ok just because they’re monks. The system wasn’t the issue actually it was the people in charge but don’t worry they’re gone. Life is great now that the most powerful sects are in the hands of a 15 yr old, a man with unchecked anger issues, a council of elders that think corporal punishment is the solution to everything and a man who committed to a life long bit to get out of all forms of responsibility. What could go wrong?

I’ve always thought it was strange and ooc that WWX just accepts going back to Cloud Recesses. His literal incense burner fantasy was a cottage in the woods away from society. He never really warms up to the rigidity or their bland ass food, and he doesn’t even really respect the Lans culture more than he has to. It’s clear he only lives there for his husband and son’s sake. So why am I to believe this is his fairy tale ending?

The only answer I’ve been able to grasp over the years is that the romance genre of the novel overpowers everything else.

This is what brings me back to my original point. I don’t know if MXTX’s intended to comment on class, because if she did I struggle to understand how the ending of the story fits this intention. Which means by default it wasn’t the intention, at least not the priority. I mean ok duh, obvious conclusion, this is a danmei, it’s the bl genre, of course the romance comes first, but that’s not exactly what I’m getting at. You can absolutely have a romance that comments on other things at the same time and I think MXTX’s writing is smart enough to do this, except it fumbled so hard at the end it left me questioning if she even meant to comment on classism in the first place.

A part of me thinks that all of this commentary was just a coincidence of the genre conventions. Cultivator/ historical fantasy tends to just have classism baked into setting, so maybe that’s all it was. Perhaps she was just borrowing what was already there to make interesting character motivations and it wasn’t done with any intention of commenting on any sort of greater societal issue. Which for the record would be ok. I’m not policing what MXTX should write and romance for the sake of romance is perfectly valid, but as a reader I’m allowed to say this particular instant made me dislike the actual romance she set up. These issues in the book made me actively dislike LWJ. I’m on an island about that though. Getting back to my point, I struggle to call this commentary intentional and thus things like WWX and JGY suddenly feel unintentional as well.

I also find MXTX’s own words to be contradictory at times. For instance, she’s mentioned that after SV she found writing more than one couple to be too taxing. When asked if other characters in MDZS were gay she said explicitly they were not, yet both MDZS and TGCF have unofficial side couples that are an inch away from being canon. She’s also mentioned that XY, Sl, and XXC were old characters of hers and were originally going to be the focus of the book, which leads me to believe that they would’ve been a canon love triangle. So I am skeptical when she said all the characters besides WWX and LWJ are straight. I’m not accusing her of lying or anything like that. Tolkien contradicted himself so many times in his letters and essays, it’s sort of par for the course in my opinion. What it does mean though is that I can’t get a read on her intentions. What I can gather from what she tends to focus on in her extras, interviews, and just the fact that this is the BL genre, I’m inclined to believe that a lot of these parallels are unintentional but then I circle back to just how heavy handed it all is and I’m unsure again.

Anyway this was just the world’s longest way to say that actually we don’t have any idea what her intentions are and this is why when I’m analyzing her work I make a point to not put words in her mouth.

[fangirlforlife97]

ACOTAR's Rant That's Been Long Overdue!!!! BEWARE AND MY BAD, ITS A LONG ONE.

I won't lie it's been a long while since I've read the books and I still haven't read ACOSF yet (or if I even will?!) But over the years I've changed my opinion on alot of things concerning the books and fan pairings, etc. And lately I've had the urge to re look over ACOTAR content on tumblr and I finally decided to make this post. One I've been meaning to for awhile!

I want to start out by saying that I absolutely loved "A Court of Thorns and Roses" and Feylin, I finished that book in one night. I couldn't wait to read more of their story and learn more of this world SJM had created. Went into the series before it exploded on Tik - Tok or wherever so I went in without spoilers. Like I said I was looking forward to reading more but I also simultaneously had a sneaking suspicion that SJM was gonna try to give Feyre a new love interest and it did not sit well with me at all!! I kept saying or thinking things like "she better not give Feyre a new love interest" "she better not mess up Feylin", and that's exactly what she did!!

She "villainzed" or tried to anyways, Tamlin. I'm not gonna lie I got really irritated, and even though it wasn't Tam's fault how things played out I was kind of upset with him. I never hated him though and even though I hated the idea of a new love interest - with time I grew to greatly enjoy them. I read all of the books and considered them to be some of my favorite books, I even shipped Elriel hardcore while also shipping Elucien and also lowkey Nessian (before ACOSF). With time I fell into the delusion of Elriel, Nessian, Feysand and The Inner Circle, of the series in general. By the end of ACOWAR though even though I liked Feysand - I was getting kind of tired of reading about them and was looking forward to and wanting a different pairing to take center stage.

Subconsciously at times I think I did realize how toxic and awful Feysand and parts of the Inner Circle was etc, but it didn't register til later on. It's like I glossed over it cause I was sooo "entralled" with the series and character's. I was delulu about alot of things, about my liking for Feysand, my hardcore fangirling over Elriel, etc.

I was the biggest shipper of Elriel, I wanted them together so bad and the idea of them not getting together - I thought it would depress me out. Insane ik. Like before I became a hardcore Elriel shipper I shipped Elucien and was liking and hoping for their endgame until we started getting more Elriel content. Then my love for Elriel overshadowed that of Elucien. I was obsessing about anything relating to Elriel and couldn't wait for any possible clues or interactions in ACOSF pertaining to an Elriel endgame. There was even gonna be a pov from Azriel (he was my favorite batboy) and I was really excited. Then ACOSF came out and so did the spoilers. I hadn't gotten my hands on a book yet but the curiosity was too strong, so I went on tumblr to see what had been posted, etc.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . To say I was shocked was an understatement. It was the fastest death of a love pertaining to a fan pairing and character. I'm a fangirl, fangirling is what I do. I get overenthusiastic about tv shows and movies and bonds between characters. I was so disgusted by Azriel's pov, it was very unexpected. Like yes I imagine there would be some lustful thoughts or whatever but this is the first time we are getting his pov and you give us that! I had a certain idea of how I thought of Elain and Azriel and I loved it and the symbolism etc but what I read or found out totally ruined the idea I had of them. How I thought of them. Even the idea of liking them. Now I sincerely hope they don't end up together and she hopefully gets with Lucien and gets out of the Night court and away from the Inner Circle and Feysand. I've grown to ship and love Elucien the way I did Elriel before Az's pov.

I even really like and love the idea of Tamlin and Elain or Elain x Lucien x Elain. I feel like even though ACOTAR was supposedly a Beauty and The Beast retelling, Elain seems more like Belle to me, in look wise and gentleness anyways. And she would be so good with Tamlin and his healing even though I'm also a hardcore Elucien girly. I'd be so happy with either Elucien, Tamlain or Elucien x Tamlain x Tamlucien (whatever their ship name is!?)

In terms of Nessian. I always liked Nessian, I wasn't super hardcore about them like I was Elriel, Elucien, Feylin but I still really liked them or saw their potential too. But then I started hearing about things pertaining to Nessian and Nesta's character in ACOSF and I even heard things such as them ruining Nesta's character and bowing to Rhys, etc. Like maybe they ruined her character for the sake of Feysand or something?! And even though I already dislike what I'm hearing about Nessian, I still plan to read ACOSF even though it's gonna be a struggle re reading the series with how much I've grown to dislike Feysand, Rhysand, The Inner Circle, Elriel, etc. I almost don't want to re read the series with how annoyed I've grown about them, may take me some time but I will at some point in time. I'm in no rush though but I would be looking forward to re read ACOTAR.

Cassian is a shitty mate from what I've been hearing and that makes me start to dislike him too. Even though I have yet to completely make up my mind about Nessian til after I read ACOSF, Cassian is on thin ice. Not gonna lie though I kind of wish and hope Nessian aren't endgame because of what I've heard, even though I have yet to read ACOSF. I feel like Nesta deserves better and it might be an unpopular opinion but I think Nesta and Tamlin would be an absolutely freaking perfect endgame or pairing!!!!!!!??

Nesta and Tamlin both were given the same completely unfair, ridiculous, disgusting hate or treatment by the author and fandom. They both need healing, and could be the people who heal each other?! Even though Elain gives Belle vibes from her looks and gentleness, she doesn't have the most important Belle factor that Nesta does. NESTA LOVES BOOKS!! Could Nesta be the actual Belle to Tamlin's or ACOTAR Beauty and the Beast Retelling??!!!! Idk but I think Nesta and Tam would be way better than Cassian and Nesta.

I feel like the author has made her batboys too hornified and has sexualized her romantic pairings to the point she's ruining them!! Smut is fine in a book but when it's overdone and it's all a relationship is, it's not a pairing worth rooting for and it's kind of disgusting. I'd rather have a slow burn, cliche, romantic couple or pairing with few smutty scenes than a pairing that's too over sexualized and has multiple, constant, sex scenes. Other possible unpopular opinions:

- Tamlin is 100% more likable and better than Rhysand. Tamlin isn't without his flaws but the double standardization between Tamlin and Rhysand is incredibly unfair and unwarranted. Tamlin gets way too much hate for a character in a series filled with many other/worse flawed characters.

- Tamlin doesn't need a redemption arc, he needs a healing arc. He deserves a happy ending and love too!! I hope his court is replenished and flourishes.

- SJM character assassinated Feyre and others for the sake of Feysand, Rhysand and The Inner Circle.

- The ACOTAR series is filled with inconsistencies, double standards, etc.

- ACOTAR was the best book!!

- The Inner Circle, Batboys, Rhysand, and Feysand is highly overrated.

- Feyre deserves better.

- SJM should backpeddle on the smut and focus on building up of relationships and focusing on the romance. Stop using smut as an excuse for plot!

- Elain, Lucien, and Nesta need to get out of the Night Court and away from the Inner Circle and Feysand. (Feyre should too but that definitely won't happen!) They need their own story plots with story progression that doesn't involve the Night Court, Feysand, and The Inner Circle.

- Nesta and Tamlin should be endgame or an option at the very least. THE POTENTIAL!!!!! 😭❤️✊

- Rhysand is the villain of the series. It would be the greatest twist but also wouldn't be a twist because there's heavy evidence of him being a villian and manipulating those around him.

- Theory that Rhysand has been mind controlling Feyre the whole time!!

- There should be more focus on the other lands and courts.

- An Elucien novel should have nothing to do with the Night Court or Inner Circle or Feysand. I'm so tried of other ships and character's revolving heavily around Feysand, the Inner Circle, and the Night Court. Not everything is about them!!

[styrmwb]

Rambling About Magic the Gathering X Final Fantasy - Final Fantasy II

Next up, we got the black sheep of the FF series that yeah sure it isn't perfect but it's still worth playing cause it does some cool stuff for its time so stop dunking on it!

Minwu, White Mage

The big guy from II that everyone knows and loves; Minwu deserves to be here. I don't know if this is intentional, but his attacking meaning you gain life meaning he gets counters and gets stronger feels like FFII's leveling system where your stats get better the more they're used?

Swallowed by Leviathan

This is a crazy moment I did not expect to be represented in the slightest. I BELIEVE the intention is to "eat" the target spell, and your graveyard is the people inside Leviathan's belly? I'm not super sure, or super smart. Regardless, the art is very cool, and it's awesome that this got in.

Hecteyes

What I love about this card is I feel like it represents the FFII encounter of "rocks fall you die" where sometimes you just get ambushed by 5 guys that kill you on touch and you die and there's nothing you can do about it. It's awesome. I also like how they used the original appearance of the Hecteyes, but mostly cause I like the blue.

Firion, Wild Rose Warrior

The main character himself appears. One, I love the art being in Pandaemonium, cause that's the best part of the whole game. I think their intention with Firion here is to be like his Dissidia incarnation, where he's a sort of jack of all trades weaponmaster. You cycle through a bunch of different weapons quickly.

Random Encounter

When I saw this card revealed, I died laughing. With the generic JRPG cards being made, of course there was gonna be a random encounter. But for it to be FFII? Amazing. The game with trap rooms with heightened encounters cause fuck you. But the art is really what does it here for me. Remember the rocks fall you die I mentioned before? Coeurls were the biggest thing that did this to me; Malboros are also a top contender, but they go for a slow death by status encounters. Then finally we got the Iron Giant, the secret Warmech-like superboss. They picked the perfect enemies.

Coliseum Behemoth

The Behemoth could have been represented anywhere, but I'm glad they picked the first incarnation. I would have taken XV as well. Of course it's a creature of brute force, but the one part I don't quite get is the draw effect? The original guy doesn't do any kind of meteor fun that later incarnations do, so I can forgive that not really fitting in, though I suppose the destroy effect could be thought of as that.

Commune with Beavers

This is a very funny card. One that I'm not surprised got in, but I'm happy about it. Look how fat and squishy they are in the art. I love how Guy speak to the beavers to get items. Also, I'm glad Guy got to show up at all in the set. Wish the other party members could have been as lucky.

The Emperor of Palamecia/The Lord Master of Hell

The art for The Emperor here is incredible; the lighting and the from below perspective really gives him this vibe of above you, as he would want you to feel. I'm glad Starfall is his ability too, that's just too iconic; plus the fact that he gains power from the graveyard, feels like he's getting power from Hell. I like how he's fueled by strong spells, but I would have also liked for him to die and transform, though I suppose that's too close to Garland/Chaos.

Crossroads Village

Not much to say here, but I am glad an FFII town got mentioned. Bafsk is probably up there in importance with the Dreadnought mentioned. The fact that it enters tapped, while probably not intentional, echoes all the towns in that game getting destroyed in my brain.

Swamp

It took me a second to recognize this, but it's clearly the Jade Passage, right from the end of the game before Pandaemonium. Beautiful art, and I'm glad they picked the bit with the waterfalls; look for the secret merchant.

Cid, Timeless Artificer

Our first of many Cids. I did post about this separately but I love that he's next to that table he is literally always at, even with the guy that operates the airship; which even gets to appear in the back. The fact that Cid's effect gets better the more Cids you have cracks me up. The word "timeless" in his title really gets across the bit here.

FFII has 10/309 cards, representing 3.2% of the set (Cid is not counted until later). I know II isn't that beloved, so really I didn't expect it to get much at all. I'm pleasantly surprised with some of the bits it got, it almost feels like the Magic devs ACTUALLY played the game. It still sucks that there's so little, but at least it got a special numbered art card; more than some games.

Things that I would add; more mentions of the other party members. Maria and Leon didn't get to appear, but there's also the leagues of temp characters (other than Minwu); Josef, Gordon, Leila, Ricard, and Scott. I'm not saying they all needed to show up, but at minimum Maria deserved better. I'm choosing to believe Leila is in the Leviathan art somewhere