#what an iconic character (i say about someone i heard of yesterday but HAVE become obsessed with today)

[variousqueerthings]

been watching clips from the comedy show “kids in the hall” which ran from 1989-1995, and was very into this bit about respectability politics

[revenant-dumpster-fire]

Warm (Revenant x Reader)

Theme: Reader comforts Revenant after a somewhat brutal loss in a duos match as Revenant becomes concerned with his image.

Warnings: Mentions of mania, mentions of depression, mentions of suicide, threats of violence, graphically described violence, pain, sharp objects, borderline sexual fluff.

Reader's Notes: Revenant (Apex Legends) x Reader, reader is non-gendered in this chapter, this is getting romantic but hasn't crossed the line quite yet, reader will eventually have to be gendered (but I'll hold off as long as possible).

Writing Notes: Compliments give me fuel. Lot of development this chapter, more characters. I feel like this is increasingly revealing of who I am as a person, so I'm glad I'm anonymous.

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The Apex Games are brutal. It's a miracle these people can be suspended in death boxes and sewn or pieced back together after what happens to them. You've heard murmurs that some of the visual brutality is simulated by an AI for the cameras while the much less damaged person is imprisoned in a deathbox, but you are not so sure of that. It looks too real, and the Legends seem way too accustomed to pain and morbid destruction for it not to be. You are desensitized to a lot of gore and snuff yourself, but you've come to know the Legends just well enough to shudder when they are disemboweled in front of you. When you first started volunteering to help, you remembered being endlessly relieved the first time you saw them all return from the medical ward.

Even though you know they will likely be fine, you whimper as Bloodhound takes an apparently fatal blow from the favorites for this duos match: Loba and Bangalore. It isn't very often that random chance creates such an iconic duos pair, but it's happening today and the cameras are loving it. The cameras have been so fixated on these two that you haven't seen night or day out of Revenant. According to the trackers on the screen, Revenant is still in the game, but his teammate--Fuse--was knocked out of the match early on. Knowing those two, they likely agreed to drop hot--in an area with lots of combatants. While it's a good way to get kills, it's also an ideal way to get killed. From previous matches, you have the impression Revenant will drop hot if his teammate or teammates agree, but he won't do so otherwise. Fuse is absolutely the type to agree to dropping hot. You worry for Fuse even though you are certain he will be back tomorrow or soon thereafter, ready for more.

Loba and Bangalore have used their combined skills to gather long-range sniper weapons and considerable kills so far this match. Bangalore is able to use her abilities to create confusion and draw combatants out from cover, and Loba could create or close distances with her warp band while also gathering excessive amounts of high-level weaponry, mods, and armor to make them all the more terrifying. They pulled ahead early in the game, and now they feel unstoppable. The cameras watch as they run across Olympus' beautifully groomed grass towards the next team to victimize.

You feel like you're not doing what you should be doing. Did Revenant really just want you to watch the match today? Shouldn't you do something helpful?

You get yourself to the edge of the bed, hop up, and start to make it. It was so perfect when you hopped in yesterday, you want to try to make it equally as perfect. Your legs no longer hurt, and you feel well-rested despite Revenant's creepily watchful eyes. You take a deep breath, stretch backwards, and get to making the bed. You will have to go to your volunteer bunk and change soon. You wonder if you will have to move out of the volunteer area--even though it's small and cramped, it's been your home for a few years now. Your coworkers feel more like roommates, varying from cool but introverted to outgoing but overbearing. You like all of them, and you have the unusual standing as one of the longest-running volunteers, staying through off and on seasons to keep things functioning. You don't want to lose them, or the only home you've known for a few years.

Gunshots ring out on the television, Loba and Bangalore are taking shots at another team fight from afar. You see the symbol for Lifeline pop up as knocked, then eliminated. Caustic's name pops up next. Finally, Revenant came up as knocked, but not eliminated. You can't help but panic just a little, but Revenant apparently had a self-revive and is moving again, fleeing the area as Loba gives vicious chase trying to make up the distance from sniping. Revenant is in bad shape, he has been fighting solo for a while, and Loba knows he is practically a free kill at this point. You're afraid this is going to turn into another Loba versus Revenant fight, a favorite of the audience due to how ruthless they both are with each other. You don't like them fighting. You don't like seeing Loba be nearly beheaded or gutted, and you don't like seeing Revenant be slowly but surely tortured to death. There is no alternative ending with those two. It's always violent, and Revenant doesn't stand much of a chance at this rate. He clearly knows that.

You stare at the television breathlessly, trying to make the bed without looking away. Loba is hunting, and Revenant is unable to keep enough distance. In a last gambit, Revenant manages to break line of sight, launching his silencer into the doorway of a bunker and then intentionally running into the opposing bunker. Loba falls for it, as she makes an immediate path for the bunker with the silencer, opting to take the back door. It buys Revenant enough time to use a Pheonix Kit, a piece of equipment that restores his shields and health completely for a much fairer fight.

Hell is about to break loose.

You plop down on the bench having finished the bed, unable to look away. Loba and Revenant meet eyes from within each bunker through the small windows on each side. Loba looks infuriated at his newly rejuvenated state. Revenant's look is too intense to be smug, it truly is a mechanical malice undescribable by any other terminology. These two loathe each other. The spectators roar in excitement at another bloodbath between the lovely but deadly master thief and her mechanical antagonist, the commentators giving a short review of the last time these two met on the battlefield.

Revenant, now unafraid of the odds, immediately dashes to close the gap between their bunkers. Loba flings her warp band in his direction, landing behind him, and immediately getting two Mastiff slugs in his back. You cringe at the sight. Revenant turns to meet her fire with his Volt, but Bangalore's lobbed smokescreen fills the area before his shots meet. Bangalore had been lagging behind Loba, but she was close enough now to take shots again. You hear Loba's Mastiff take a number of more shots in the smokescreen, the Volt returning fire. Bangalore calls in her Rolling Thunder, cascading aerial bombardment all throughout the smokescreen. Revenant manages to break free of the now-fading smokescreen, trying to escape the explosives, but it was clearly Bangalore's intent for him to do so. With her well-equipped Longbow, she manages to snipe Revenant, knocking him to his knees.

Loba was soon looming over him, waiting for the camera to catch up. The crowd chants and screeches waiting for the gore. There are no microphones on the Legends themselves, but you can tell that Revenant is cursing her as she comes over to finish him. You wince, you don't want to watch this, but you feel you have to.

Loba kicks his head hard enough to knock out any human opponent, sending him to the ground. His mask is cracked open, revealing the copper lining underneath and the wiring for his optics. He stays grounded, glaring at her with an unspeakably vicious hatred. He faces his demise with just as much malice as he had moments earlier, perhaps even more. She goes in for a direct stomp, plunging the five-inch tall heel of her shoe into and through Revenant's left optic. You grimace at the horror of it, wanting to cover your face to escape the imagery. Revenant's body lurches backwards and writhes in pain, grabbing aimlessly at his face, screaming so loudly that the drone camera picks it up as his vocalizations crack and become inundated with static.

Revenant isn't eliminated. Revenant is treated differently than the human and more finite combatants. His deaths are of no consequence, so he isn't protected from them. He can just come back, over and over. So the cameras roll and he's left to suffer whenever it makes for better television. The most bloodthirsty fans have always loved this double-standard, but you are beginning to revile it more by the moment.

Loba spits on him, taking a moment to parade to the crowd her triumphant moment. Revenant's last remaining optic is dimming uncontrollably, but is still locked on her when she returns to finish the job. They lock eyes for a moment. You don't know the details--nobody does--but it's clear they have some kind of history where all the hatred stems from. Revenant looks away in acceptance of his defeat, and his neck is immediately clamped down on by her heels. With a single twist of her leg, the cracking noise of his head being forcibly freed from his torso rings out. You want to vomit.

Revenant is only now considered eliminated, his husk of a chassis lying nearly in two pieces, his head twisted perpendicular to his torso. The crowd is absolutely ablaze. Loba reaches down, tearing the scarf off his head and holding it triumphantly in the air, looking as if she just scalped her kill. Bangalore shies away from the cameras herself, she's clearly ready to move on. Loba revels in the violence, just like Revenant does, but there is something especially malicious between them.

You feel the nausea taking hold even stronger. Revenant is someone you know now. He's shown you kindness, and you've become very fond of him. You can't say you know him extremely well, granted, but well enough to feel empathy for his pain. Watching him essentially have his skull broken, eye gouged, and neck severed is a lot to take. You could literally see the excruciating pain in his body language when his eye was stomped out. They shouldn't allow it. The moment a human life is in danger they get deathboxed. Only now that Revenant's body is dead and vacated of all living code, as well as the audience thoroughly satiated, does Revenant's corpse get deathboxed. He managed to fight his team all the way to seventh place alone. Loba and Bangalore continue on, the cameras lovingly cataloging their sweep.

You get up and turn off the television, sheepishly use your new ID to leave the room, and head to the volunteer bunks. It's the middle of the day, so nobody is around. A note on your bunk reads "Worried about you! Let me know when you get back. -Sherry". You scribble back, "Sorry Sherry, had a special request I had to run, need to talk later. Text me." and place it on her bunk. Sherry is the de facto leader of the volunteers, here since day one of season one. You know each other well. She doesn't pry often, but disappearing for a night is really out of character for you, so you don't mind it this once. She will know if you're allowed to stay in the volunteer bunks or not. You gather your things, just in case, and haul them to Revenant's room. You only have a single duffel bag of clothes and toiletries to your name. It has been that way since you found yourself on the streets years ago. It's easy enough to carry, but some amount of sadness still lingers in you as you haul your only worldly possessions in a single bag. The Apex Games gives you year-round work in exchange for a place to live rent-free. The Legends who tip well basically keep you at a decent wage for the hours. So despite not having much to your name in terms of assets, you now have a bank account with enough value to move on if absolutely necessary.

You use the badge to open Revenant's door. It dings satisfactorily, and you dump your bag on the floor. You're not leaving the area until he's back. You already decided. You're in some stage of denial after watching him die, but simultaneously you cannot be in denial if he always comes back. You shake your head, the nausea fights for its throne in your gut. You grab a change of clothes out of the bag and head to the bathroom in the far left corner of the room.

As you enter, you see a mostly untouched bathroom, spare for a strangely out-of-place comb, shaving cream, an old-fashioned razor blade, and the mirror smeared opaque with dried suds--likely from the shaving cream. None of those items make sense. Not a single one. Why was the mirror so filthy? Why did a simulacrum have shaving or hair brushing tools? You consider that it might be a coping mechanism, but that doesn't explain the mirror. Whatever, you'll clean it in a second. No need to make a big deal out of it all.

Halfway through changing, you lose your battle with nausea. You don't have anything in your stomach, a fact you quickly realize as you lurch over the toilet. Just stomach acid. What a violent and terrible death. You know he feels just as a human does, it's not his fault he isn't as fragile. It's so unfair. You stand tall, having expelled the worst of it. You finish putting on your "I'm not feeling it" shirt, and make a quick orbit to the duffel and back, picking up your toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash. You clean out your mouth thoroughly, trying to fight off the taste of acid.

You finish up, leaving your oral care items behind to take your dirty clothes to the laundry room and grab some mirror cleaning supplies while there. Since you know how to fully clean down a room, you figure it is within your ability to completely clean Revenant's room. Maybe Fuse's too, these cleans tend to be quick and efficient when you perform them.

• • • •

"Hey, oh my gosh, where were you last night?" The text comes in as you're hauling the cleaning supplies to Fuse's room. It's early afternoon, you'll be done with this before it even begins to get dark.

"Hey, sorry, I had a special request. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm cleaning Fuse's room now." You text back, hoping Sherry will meet you here and help wrap up even faster.

"OMW" The text comes in only moments after.

After a few minutes, you hear Fuse's door open. Sherry is a petite blonde woman in her early twenties. Despite her longer, curly hair, she is otherwise not too dissimilar looking from Wattson, her favorite Legend. They have a good relationship apparently, Wattson regularly jokingly adding "request for mon Sherry" to her requests, a play on "mon cherie" in French.

"I didn't see a request for Fuse to have his room cleaned, did you delete it from the system?" Sherry was always on-task.

"Oh, sorry, no, I kinda needed something to do." You look up from changing the bed sheets, "Do you mind giving me a hand?"

"Sure, but there are tons of requests you could have taken, why make one up?" She walks to the opposite side of the bed, nabs the sheet, and looks up, locking sights on your ID.

Her shock is immediate and silent. You notice that she has noticed.

"How did you get that..." She trails off, her head clearly running at max capacity with various theories.

"Revenant gave it to me." You answer blankly. "I don't know what to do."

Sherry stares, her expression becoming increasingly appalled and concerned.

"What... what happened last night? You didn't like... "earn" that, right? I mean, you didn't trade for it, did you?" Her expression grimaces further. "Does he even have the parts for that...?"

You suddenly realize what she's saying, and wave your hands to snap her attention.

"No! Nothing like that! He sees me so often he wanted a personal lackey instead." You see her expression soften for a moment before it snaps back.

"Then where were you last night?"

"Wha--?"

"You heard me, where were you then?"

You stare at the floor, unsure if you can lie so blatantly to her. She stares at you for a moment.

"One moment you're depressed, then next thing I know you're manic, then you disappear for a day and a half. Is this some kind of new suicide plot you have? Seduce a murder robot?" She seems genuinely worried.

"I promise it's not like that! I was exhausted! I accidentally fell asleep when I brought him water--"

"Why did nobody call the paramedics? If you passed out, you should have been given a health check! Why didn't that robot call anyone?" She genuinely cared about you, she was a good friend, through and through.

"Uh, well, I kinda slept in his bed."

Her face went from worry to one of shock and morbid concern. Her knees buckled for a moment and rectified themselves as she cartoon-ishly tried to process her thoughts.

"You see, I guess he's taken a liking to me, and he saw how tired I was, so--"

"So you slept with him just so you could get a break? You should have just asked for time off! You never take it! I would have given it to you!" She was clearly upset.

"It didn't happen like that!" She had a tendency to catastrophically think, so her mind was already five steps ahead of you in the worst possible timeline. If you could stop it now, hopefully it wouldn't continue.

"Wait, why are we changing Fuse's sheets? How many robots and people have you slept with?!" she dropped the sheets at a complete loss. Too late to stop her mental train, it was already off the rails and burning in a ditch.

"Sherry! Pay attention! I didn't do anything with anybody. I just passed out in Revenant's bed, and he decided not to kill me but promote me instead because he's Revenant and he does what he wants, even when it makes no sense to anybody. I didn't even see Fuse yesterday, I just figured I'd clean his room since both him and Revenant took a heck of a loss today." You didn't often get loud, so when you did it tended to garner attention.

Sherry sighed.

"Yeah, that sounds more like the truth than my insane theory." She rests her face in her palms for a moment. "So, uh, I guess you and Revenant are friends now?"

"Subordinate or lackey is probably a better term, but he actually is nice to me! Aside from all the threats..." You trail off, wondering if he means it or if he simply is keeping up his persona.

"Well, congratulations on becoming the homicidal robot's plaything?" She wasn't wrong. Actually, her term was probably more accurate. "Please don't get murdered. I didn't get you out of that homeless shelter just to deliver you into the hands of a bloodthirsty robot with a fascination for evisceration. I'll feel so bad if you die..." She trails off, catastrophic thoughts ablaze. "Just quit!" She perks up with her solution.

"He's not going to kill me, and if he does, it's not your fault. I'm choosing to do this."

She sighs, and starts making the bed with clean sheets, unsure of how to argue, or if the argument is worthwhile.

Sherry was the one you reached out to when you heard that you could work for the Apex Games in return for a bed, bathroom, food, and basic healthcare. She picked you up at the homeless shelter, and helped forge some fake credentials on your resumé at the time. She cleared you herself, pretending as if she never met you before and calling your previous "boss" who was actually just a very confused telemarketer, resulting in getting you the place and position you have now. You've always thought she's an upstanding person; her maternal instincts sometimes getting in the way of her letting people make their own choices freely though. She felt like an older sister to you.

"Please tell me you're at least getting paid. Without the tips from the other Legends, how are you going to keep saving up?" She asked weakly, finishing up by fluffing the pillows.

"Uh, well, I haven't asked yet... I actually meant to ask if I have a room still." You answered, a bit dumbfounded you hadn't considered that before.

"What?! Did you think this through at all?" She burst, but quickly softened, "Of course you still have a room, there should be a door in the back of every Legend's room with the same kind of bunks as we have. Those are for you special folks. It has a bathroom and everything."

"Ah, good, I kinda wish I could stay with you guys, but..."

"...but your new robot-boyfriend is calling you?" She breaks her melancholy with ruthless teasing, just like an older sister. "Yeah, I'll need the space for a new volunteer, definitely."

"I figured as much. Always running on short-handed here." You're a little relieved the choice is made for you.

"So, I'm guessing you now have all Revenant requests, now and forever?" She chuckles a bit. "You somehow take the biggest demotion and consider it a promotion. I can't believe you like dealing with that guy."

You banter back and fourth, finishing up Fuse's room. It'll be nice for him to come back to a clean room, especially considering how his match went that morning. Sherry promises to come around this part of the building more to keep an eye on you, swearing she will kick Revenant's ass if he does "whatever murder-bots do". You go your separate ways, laughing at each other's stupid quips.

• • • •

There is a door at the back of the room. Sherry was right. It is intentionally made to camouflage into the wall, as well as the scanner that opens it. You hold your ID up to it, hear the positive chirp, and the door slides open to reveal a nice small room and bathroom. It's a private bedroom embedded within Revenant's. The door now freely slides like a pocket door to open and close, apparently you only need to activate it once to get access. A nice little bed, a nice little dresser, and a nice little bathroom! It reminds you of a super tiny hotel room, everything is compact but still a notable step up from shared bunks. You breathe deeply, inhaling the smell of a fresh new room. You haul your duffel bag in and toss it into a little cubby under the mattress, and boom, you're moved in! So easy!

Revenant still isn't back yet though. You wonder how long it will take for his new chassis to activate and return here. You wish so badly to know how he is doing, but it is impossible to know. You grabbed some snacks from the kitchen alongside dinner with Sherry, so you have food to stress-binge on if necessary. You figure laying down for the night can't hurt. So you hit the lights in Revenant's room, leaving it to only be lit by the rising moonlight overhead through the skylight. You sneak into your little cubby of a room, flipping the lights off as you slide the door shut behind you. You don't have any skylight, in fact, your ceiling was about 6 feet or so shorter than his, making it much more average. Granted, his room is massive, but you are happy with your tiny private closet. It is so cool.

You fall back in the bed. Soft as can be. Same as his.

Sleep takes you very quickly.

• • • •

You wake up to an inhuman screeching. You jolt up, making yourself panic further as you check your surroundings and recall where you are. You're alone in the little bedroom, the screaming is from the other side of the door, in Revenant's main room. It echoes in a uncanny valley between human despair and mechanical detune. You leap out of bed and rush to open the door to see what is wrong.

The door slides open and you see Revenant, his mask and jaw tilting in opposite directions to replicate an open mouth, revealing a disturbingly black void where his mouth would be, no headscarf, howling in some kind of agony under the moonlight. It sounds so sad, so sorrowful. The pocket door clicks as it reaches its full open position, and Revenant's eyes lock on as soon as the sound is registered. His instincts are instantaneous. His howl slowly fades as he uses up what's left in his artificial lungs, his eyes never breaking from yours. The sorrow leaves him, his jaw slowly closes, and his stature returns for a moment.

"Are you okay?!" You ask him.

He hides is face and his body motions like a person who is sobbing for a few moments, but he doesn't. He couldn't even if he wanted. He regains himself quickly, walking up to you blankly.

"Hey, uh, are you oka--?"

"Keep me warm, skinsuit." His voice shakes as he pulls you into him in an embrace.

He is extremely cold, but his metal parts start to sap your body heat immediately. He is alive. He is new, but alive. You wrap your arms around his small abdomen, slipping under the pistons that hold up his large torso. You squeeze harder than you mean to, giving away that you are genuinely worried about him.

"I thought you left." He admits shakily, still not wholly able to hide his emotions. "I didn't..." He trails off. He places his hand on your head, messing with your hair a bit, until you gaze up at him. He looks down at you in the eye and you see something familiar. Disbelief. "You stayed."

You don't have words. Words mean nothing anyway in moments like this. You squeeze him tighter and he winces a little. You realize his abdomen is probably the least protected area of his body, and even you might be able to hurt him with the wrong touch. You lean forward and bury your face into it anyway, you're pretty sure you can feel a pouch through the leather skin that acts as a stomach receptacle, but you're not sure.

Revenant's body shakes a little like he cannot hold back tears, but as a simulacrum, he has none. You hear a sorrowful moan instead that is quickly stifled. Despite his persona, he has a very human personality.

"Come, keep me warm." He pulls you away for a moment so he can move again, then grabs your wrist and pulls you to the bed. The bed he never used. "It's easier with insulation." He rips the blanket off of it, wrapping it around you both in one sweeping movement, and sitting on the edge, pulling you down with him.

Your face flushes hot red. This is unlike him. He notices, and you swear you see a little bit of a pink glow on him too. He definitely had been flush during his stunt on live TV before joining the games. Insane to think they built that functionality into a mask. He grunts and breaks eye contact.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm just cold." He pulls you into his lap before you can say anything in response. "I have an easier time cooling down with fans than I do heating up. I'd have to run really stressful code to do that and using you is so much easier."

He redirects you to face away from him, and as soon as you do he sucks you in as close to him as you can. You're practically inside of his giant, looming frame. His breath rattles a little in his artificial lung pumps. His hands grapple around your hands while holding the blanket taut, holding them in balled fists and trading his cold for your heat. His vocalizer sounds as if it's giving a deep growl, closer to a purr, almost too soft to be heard, but not quite.

His new chassis smells a little more like plastics, metal shavings, and leather than the previous one, which had been muddled with the scent of dirt, grass, and polish. It's so cold, he must have only just made it inside. You wonder how far he had to run to get back here.

His head lowers to rest his face into your shoulder. You rest your head back on his. For a moment, this creature is just the same as you. Human.

He stays there, humming and purring and enjoying the moment. His body is no longer cold at all, he is now reflecting your heat back at you and feels warm himself. You carefully turn your head and push your face into the side of his mask where his ears would be. His head perks up a little for a moment, just long enough to catch his dumbfounded expression and pinkening cheekbones before his face retreats into your shoulder again. He squeezes you close, grappling your fists as if to never let go.

You sit there for a while, until finally you feel his cooling fans click to life. He lifts his head off your shoulder.

"Thank you." He says as he releases you. He looks away, clearly trying to hide from your gaze. You don't get up. You keep staring in his direction, hoping he will give in and turn to you. But you are both stubborn.

After a long while, you stand up in surrender, but place your hand on his unclothed head, petting it once, just for good measure. His hand rises to cover his face.

"Please go back to bed, I'm sorry for scaring you." He says in an abnormally low baritone, trying to hide himself further.

You surrender. It isn't worth prying away his façade when he isn't ready. He had already shown different colors than he did most of the time. This was scary, but in an unexplored territory sort of way. You weren't giving this exploration up after a single expedition. So it is best to rest up and not overextend.

You retreat into your little closet of a room, sliding the door gently shut. The moment it shuts completely, you hear Revenant move around rapidly. He's normally so silent. You recline into your bed, happy to be as warm as you are. You fall asleep almost instantly.

• • • •

You wake up, no idea what time it is. The room doesn't have a clock, maybe a bit of an oversight on the decorator's part. You get up, lurk over to the bathroom, and start performing your daily routine. Brush the teeth immediately, get the gross overnight flavor out of it. Strip and shower, thankfully there are already towels in the bathroom. Brush your hair while still damp after trying to get it as dry as possible with your towel. Deodorant. Grab your clothes. You put on something a bit nicer than yesterday. Finally, you're ready for whatever.

You waltz over, and knock on the door to make sure he won't be startled.

Instead, you hear a surprised grunt, scraping metal, and hushed curses against the door. You quickly go to open it, thinking he may be hurt, but the door is locked. You hesitate, dumbfounded. The Legends can lock people in like prisoners if they want to. Your attention snaps back as you hear the lock disengage, and the door flies open before you can move it. Revenant faces you, somehow looking a little disheveled.

"Were you outside my door the entire night...?" You ask, still fairly shocked.

"Doesn't matter." He absolutely was. He spoke hurriedly, potentially a little embarrassed. But he recovers his slow speaking pace quickly. "I should have just let myself in, I feel like I missed a great episode. Do you know what you said last night? Some pretty exciting gibberish."

"So you were against the door all night."

"Dammit, skinsuit!" He throws his arms up and turns away from you, towering over the doorway too short for him to enter comfortably. "You should have just slept out here. You know I get bored."

"I didn't think you wanted me to, you acted like you didn't."

"Well, I didn't really care!" He cared immensely, apparently. "I just needed something entertaining to keep my mind off yesterday." He crossed his arms, and began to meander over to the computer desk.

"I'm sorry, I wish you had told me."

"I was in a bad mood, just forget about it. It's fine." He tapped away at the computer, letting out a depressed sigh. "That scene from yesterday has all of Loba's fans riled up. They're posting it everywhere." He covers his face with his hands for a moment, motioning in embarrassment. "I can't believe I let that happen. I would have been better off letting Caustic gas me earlier."

"You were outnumbered, you did the best--"

"I'm getting my damn scarf back." He refused your comforting words, flinging himself to his feet and trudging out the door in a huff. You go to follow, but he whirls around, pointing straight to you, locking you in a glare. "You stay away from Loba, understand?"

He pauses, waiting to hear your reply.

"Uh, okay, I'll try to stay away from her."

While not an entirely satisfactory answer, Revenant whips back and disappears from sight. You sigh aloud. If those two have some kind of long-running hatred for each other, it would probably be best if you didn't get in the middle of it.

You peer over to the computer. He's right, Loba standing over his dead chassis holding up the scarf is everywhere. Loba fans are absolutely enamored by the triumphant image. Revenant fans openly mourn, swearing revenge. Loba and Bangalore apparently took the win, finally fighting down the second place team of Wattson and Rampart. Sherry will be miffed that Wattson had the spotlight and win taken from her. Although, now knowing you're on team Revenant, she probably will spare you any of her rants.

You stare at the image. It makes you overwhelmingly sad. Right before that snapshot was taken, Revenant was in unspeakable pain. The scream you heard on the broadcast echos in your head. It was one born of pain: strong, violent, and sharp until the static began to overwhelm it. The screeches you woke up to last night were not the same. They were mournful: hollow, airy, and almost melodic in their melancholy. Revenant can feel great pain, but clearly has some kind of appreciation for warmth and a kindly embrace. Why didn't others see that? Why does he have to suffer so much more, just because he is a simulacrum?

You close the browser. It messes with you. The imagery makes you upset. You feel you might vomit again if you're not careful.

You're snap back to attention at a commotion outside in the hallway. You peer out in the general direction of the other Legends' rooms.

"Fuck. You." Revenant's voice is so low it could rattle someone's bones. Fuse is standing in front of him, but Revenant is speaking beyond him to Loba, holding the scarf.

"It's my trophy. I'm a master thief, I don't just give things back." Loba proudly holds it in front of her face.

Fuse tries to keep Revenant at a fair distance from her, but Loba is standing her ground, completely unafraid.

"Woah now, come on, we don't need to settle this here and now." Fuse is attempting to keep the peace.

Revenant's growls can be heard from down the hallway, a number of volunteers have stopped to avoid getting too close, and a couple Legends are peering out their doors. The extra attention is displeasing to Revenant.

"Fine, but you will regret this." He starts to back off, prepared to fight another day, but Loba is relentless.

"Not if you want anything from me. Including that source code." Only now is she content to click her heels and turn away, Revenant suddenly looking like he lost the fight.

"Geeze, mate, do you really have to be so aggressive all the time?" Fuse gasps in a sigh of relief, addressing Revenant. "And I think I come on strong--you're a whole 'nother level!" He is already beaming a smile from under his moustache again, chuckling at his own joke.

Revenant shoots him a scowl for a moment, then turns back to you and begins to come back to the room, scarfless.

Fuse keeps pace with him as you retreat back inside, not sure if you should stay out of their way or not. You instinctively dive in behind the bed, staying low as not to be seen. You hear them come around the corner.

"Wait a minute, mate, I wanted to apologize." Revenant is already in the room, turning around to face Fuse who is standing in the doorway. You stay hidden behind the bed, nearly on the floor, listening in on their conversation. "That wasn't my best work out there yesterday. I feel like if I had been there, maybe you wouldn't have, uh..." He trailed off, his point was clear. "Listen, I'll talk to her, see if I can get 'yer scarf back. I don't want there to be any hard feelings."

Revenant's breathing pattern and low growl sounds like he is about to explode, and Fuse knows it too.

"Oh hey! They cleaned your room too!" His diffuses can be surprisingly effective. "Heh, I didn't even ask and apparently they decided to be like mum and make sure it got done whether I liked it or not."

Revenant hadn't actually noticed until now. He turns to look into the room. He peers across the way, seeing the bathroom mirror is reflective again.

"You're right." He sounds surprised. You swear you can hear another sigh of relief from Fuse now that the anger is gone.

"I was told it was that runner who seems to have a bit of a thing for 'ya did it. Seen 'em around lately?" Fuse asked. "I like to tip everyone, they do such a great job and they're not getting paid."

Revenant ignores him, walking into the middle of the room, peering around. To your recollection, he had never asked for his room to be cleaned as long as you have been volunteering. His room was very dusty. Now light is shining through all the windows, the television is clear, the bed sheets fresh, the carpet vacuumed...

"Yeah, where are they?" Revenant finally asks aloud. Is that your invitation to reveal yourself?

"Um, hi, sorry." You slowly pull yourself up from the floor, revealing your truly mediocre hiding spot.

Fuse gives a surprised stare, clearly catching a glimpse of your red badge, then laughs it off.

"You picked a cute one, didn't 'cha Rev?"

Revenant turns to face him in an absolute fury.

"Listen, I'm just telling ya to play nice." Revenant gets in Fuse's face immediately, but Fuse doesn't budge and meets him eye-to-eye for his next words. "You seem pretty defensive of 'em. Keep it that way."

Those words take Revenant aback just long enough for Fuse to break away and waltz up to you.

"Cheers, thanks for bein' my mum for me." He hands you enough money for a month of groceries, so generous!

"Thank you! That's very kind of you!" You chirp back, very happy to have more for your savings. Revenant seems shocked by the genuine joy in your voice.

As Fuse walks by Revenant to leave, you hear a short exchange:

"I'll try to get the scarf. Don't go killing anybody, and I didn't see anything out of the ordinary." Fuse murmurs.

"...thanks." Revenant sounds genuine.

Fuse gives him a side-hug on the way out, Revenant leaning away to escape it, but failing. Fuse laughs at Revenant's bashfulness. Getting a thanks from Revenant is a miracle unto itself, worthy of such a small celebration. Fuse is a genuinely good person. He is universally loved by the volunteers for his generosity and positivity. A lot of people have crushes on him, and you can understand why. One swift set of finger guns at each of you and Fuse is gone out the door, closing it behind himself.

"He's nice!" You say very matter-of-factly to Revenant.

"Sure, whatever you say, little skinsuit." He mumbles, seeming a bit exhausted by all the exchanges this morning. "What did he give you?"

"Money!" You hold out quite the wad of cash. Revenant chuckles a little under his breath at your happiness.

"What are you saving up for, anyway?"

"Well, for when this gig ends, I guess." You think aloud. "I just never want to be homeless again."

"Homeless?" Revenant looks at you with concern, "You were homeless before the Games?"

"Yeah, it's terrible out there..." You trail off your own words a bit sadly, but in seeing his concern for you, you decide to end on a high note. "With everything I save, I'll make sure I always have enough to live off of, and with the experience I'll have an easier time finding a job."

"Would it help if I paid you?" Revenant asks, plainly.

"Well, yes, but you don't need to."

"You should have told me." He almost whispers. He sounds a little sorrowful again.

You walk up and give him a quick hug.

"Sorry, I didn't know you would want to."

"If you keep getting too close to me, one of these days you're going to end up in a body bag." He sneers, trying to regain his vicious demeanor.

"Sorry, just keeping you warm, boss!" You play along, for now. You release him. "I have to actually get some food, go by the medical ward for some medicine, and then I need to leave the facility to pick up some new clothes. Do you need anything?"

Revenant stares for a moment.

"I'll be here when you return, bring me something alcoholic though." He answers, studying your eyes.

"Yes sir!" You rush out the door.

• • • •

When you return in the evening, you find Revenant's chassis laying like a corpse on the bed, his headscarf back on his head. His eyes are glowing dimly, staring at the ceiling with little interest.

"Oh hey." You address him.

"Oh, hey." He addresses you back, but slower. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling.

"You okay? You got your scarf back." You acknowledge, hoping he will perk up.

"Yeah." He sounds... depressed?

You put the bag of medicine on his computer desk, along with your bag of new clothes. You walk over with the remaining bag, which has the largest bottles of rum, whisky, and vodka the store sells. It is heavy and expensive, so you carefully place it on the end table next to his bed.

"I got you a ton of alcohol. It was kinda expensive, I'll probably need to be paid back." You carefully request, unsure how he will react. He gives you a thumbs up before his arm collapses onto the bed again. "What happened while I was gone?"

"Nothing much, I just got my scarf back." He sighs.

"Well, how did you get it?"

He moans audibly.

"Fuse got Mirage and Caustic to help him. Apparently it was an absolute mess. Mirage had to make tons of fakes to play keep away with my scarf, and Caustic gassed Loba's room with... zinc chlorides...? Something like that. It set off the fire alarms, everyone had to evacuate--"

"You didn't evacuate, did you?"

"Absolutely not. Anyways, in the chaos my scarf somehow ended up with Artur and Bloodhound."

"Oh geeze, what happened then?"

"They cleaned it, brought it to me, and gave it to me folded up neatly."

"Oh. Well... that last part isn't so bad."

"They were kind." His eyes tightened with discomfort, "And they left me with this." He holds up a single crow feather, perfectly dainty and undamaged.

"Aw, Artur!" You chirped; Artur was the sweetest bird you have met, not that you have met many.

Revenant sat up suddenly, his eyes getting bright again.

"Why would they do that?" He studied the feather in his hands, like he is completely bewildered with the concept of kindness. "They didn't owe me anything." He puts the feather down in front of him on the bed, pulling his hands up to hold his scarf in his grip on the two sides of his head. "They don't owe me this."

"Are you alright? You seem to not want to accept that Bloodhound is a nice person." You wanted to feed him the answer inside the question.

He stays silent for a while, taking the feather and handing it to you.

"Artur said this was for you, specifically."

"Wait, what do you me--"

"It's Bloodhound. It's in their name." He sighs, as you recognize concern in his tone, "They know who you are, they know you're here, and they recognized your scent on me." He lays down on his back, exasperated. "I can't let more people know." You hold Artur's feather, twirling it in your fingers. "They can't know. I am not like this." He seems genuinely upset.

"You seem cold." You prompted.

"I am very cold." He responds, overanalyzing each word for their deeper meaning.

"Do you want to be warm?" You put the feather down next to the bag of alcohol.

He pauses to sit back up before answering.

"Yes, but I can never let any of them know that." He answers plainly, but seriously.

You sit down next to him and are quickly grabbed and enveloped in his cold body, pulling you deeper onto the bed and directly under him. He almost instantly rests his head on your shoulder. His breath slows to a relaxed pace, rattling a little in his chest. His vocalizer hums at a low purr, and he moves his hands to feel your pulse, one at your chest and one to your jugular. He presses in, studying your inherent tick.

The television is on in front of you, but you haven't noticed it until now. The commentators are going over the edits of the "Loba the Scalper" image they found on social media, having nothing more important to talk about before the upcoming trios match. Revenant sighs a bit in your ear, still clearly bothered by his very public execution. You wrap your arms behind you to hug his waist. He holds you tighter for a moment, clearly understanding your intent is to comfort him.

You begin to massage the leather and the mechanisms underneath, unsure of how he will react; but he almost instantly squeezes you again, endorsing your idea. As you work into his back, his eyes dim and his breath quickens and deepens at strange intervals, relating to each long, deep stroke you perform. He slowly but surely relaxes his grip on you, potentially not realizing it. His mask digs into your shoulder, possibly trying to stifle his abnormal breathing. You keep at it for a few minutes, revelling in how sensitive his chassis is. Simulacrums were truly amazing.

Revenant's body melts under your touch, his chassis making odd movements clearly out of pure enjoyment. He's completely warm now, actually turning a bit hot as his code runs trying to keep up with your inputs. You worry that perhaps his circuits are being stressed too hard, but he also seems to be enjoying it so much.

He suddenly seems to shut down. His eyes go black, his weight falls on your shoulders, and his arms dislocate and slump out of his shoulder armor. You struggle to hold up his weight, his torso must be nearly two hundred pounds alone. No wonder he needs pistons to hold it up with his skinny waist.

He roars back to life, literally growling like a beast. His hands open and stretch like talons, the tips sharpening into claws. His legs cross in front of you, and his arms cross in front of you, and they pull you up against him in a nearly-crushing manner. His talons press into your flesh where they land, causing you a minor amount of pain. More concerningly, his jaw pulls open and he immediately goes as if to bite you, pushing your neck into the void of his mouth. He doesn't bite down though. His eyes are needle-thin, and brightened to a nearly red color. You gasp for breath in complete shock.

"You're mine!-Mine!-Mine!" His vocals are skipping as his hoarse, aggressive voice practically screams. "You belong to me!" He falls silent for a few moments. His shoulders refit themselves into their sockets as he slowly relaxes and retracts his claws from you. His softer voice returns. "Mine..." he calmly finishes. His jaw removes itself from your neck and closes. "I'm sorry. Emotions load faster than logic. It's hard to control myself after a reboot."

You had been holding your breath, and finally exhale and inhale, feeling faint with fear and deoxygenated blood. You slump back in his grip, putting your hands on your diaphragm to steady your breathing. You let yourself completely melt onto the bed, allowing yourself to look up at his face, gazing down at you.

"So, that's how you really feel then?" You pant, still catching your breath.

"Only a bit." He tries to comfort you, taking your hands in his. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you. Being a simulacrum is complicated. Even more complicated if you don't learn humanity while you're still human." He looks away, apparently not necessarily sure what he is missing in himself. "But I cannot deny there is truth in that emotion."

"It sounds like 'if I can't have you, nobody can' isn't off the table yet." You are slowly catching your breath.

"I would be very upset. I don't handle being upset well." His words are foreboding, but you're unsure if he is uncertain himself or trying to hide the truth. You want to sleep; you feel like you're going to have a heart attack. He squeezes your hands, noticing your weariness. "Sleep out here tonight."

You give him a weak thumbs up, fully expecting to just sleep right where you are. Revenant releases your hands, throws a blanket over you, and pulls you by your torso into a better sleeping position, up against a pillow. You throw out another thumbs up in approval. He snickers in response.

"I'm getting drunk. So sick of today. I'm going to create a scene so gruesome next game that everyone forgets about this little fiasco." He grumbles. You hear him cork something as you drift to sleep. "Have a good night, little skinsuit." Sleep was taking you rapidly.

"Thank you for the warmth." is the last thing you hear.

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Gang of Secrets

Warning: Spoilers and intense emotions. Have fun!

Chat Noit sensed that something is wrong with Ladybug. Love how he can sense that based on what she doesn't say.

She almost didn't pound it and was distracted to do so. Oh boy.

BOIIII WHY DID YOU TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES???? THIS IS NOT THE TIME!!! AND LADYBUG KNOWS THIS AS SHOWN BY HER FACIAL EXPRESSION!!! I am SCREAMING because he took her to a movie ABOUT ROMANCE!!!

The civilians do not mind that superheroes are going to the movies. That is until...

Ladybug goes into this rant about romcoms and I agree with every word she says. There is no such thing as a happy ever after and things do not go perfectly. Go off Ladybug!!! There's a reason why I hate rom coms.

The civilians being shocked/annoyed from her rant just adds to it. I am guessing because this is literally freaking Paris and considering the couples there. Has the same vibes as Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls when he approached a couple to say marriage is terrible in the second episode.

Hurts that the rant was the reflection of Marinette's dilemma.

Chat finds out that it was about heartbreak. He finally picks up about social cues! Good work Chat! Too bad that you learned that after your breakup with Kagami.

Ah, the swimming pool. A great place to go to forget your heartbreak go for a swim.

Realized that akumas cannot attack people if they are submerged under water, which is why she goes to the pool and a theory roaming online that she goes to the pool to cry makes a lot of sense.

I know this is a kids show and that logic gets thrown out the window, but does no one in Paris find it fishy that Ladybug in her swim suit enters the Dupain-Cheng household???? I feel like no one cares.

Ladybug might say that the board of pictures with Adrien and Luka and some of her friends might not bother her, but it seems to bother her somewhat as it is a reminder of the relationships that she can't have as long as she's Ladybug. It hurts badly though.

Unpopular opinion: The Kwamis can be good at providing comfort and probably make them laugh, but they are not the best therapists. Do not blame them though.

Marinette only detransforms for Tikki's wellbeing. She is at that point where the only reason she does something is because someone else is suffering, not for herself. It hurts seeing her suffer like this.

Tikki is fine despite being in the earrings for a long time. She is more concerned about Marinette though.

Meanwhile, the girls have their suspicions about Marinette as they did not know about her breakup with Luka until he told Juleka, which started a chain that I cannot remember, but do remember that it ended with Alya.

They call Marinette, but she does not answer because what will she tell them? The not answering part is a mood, but the reason hurts.

Alix being like "why not get orange juice with her and talk about her feelings" and everyone else staring at her as if she was the one with a crazy idea. I can't! Especially when she was like "*sigh* fine"

Also, Luka is not taking the breakup well either if Juleka's photo is anything to go by.

The bracelet idea is cute. I did something similar to that Junior year.

The scene from the ad that made us mad: Marinette transforming angrily after saying how her life as Marinette is complicated and prefers to be Ladybug all the time. It hurts to see this scene actually be in the 3rd episode as the guardianship and the breakup had consumed her so quickly.

Baby girl, we love you and we know as the audience how hard your life is now. This is why we are very concerned about you challenging ShadowMoth. Concerning.

But she breathes and goes back inside. Glad that you blew off some steam, but is everyone in Paris not aware that this just happened?!?!? Hello!?!?!?! Like Plagg said: People are blind. And a good thing too.

Just as this was happening, the girls come barging in. Good that they are great friends for being concerned, but have they ever heard of knocking?

Rose finds the dollhouse. Its a nice dollhouse, but isn't that too obvious that it will attract other people's attention? Not judging though, its a nice dollhouse and shows the expansion of Marinette's craft.

Originally, I thought they were coming after Marinette because of what happened in the episode "Ladybug", but glad to know her other friends cared about her too!

Alya comes up to find Marinette in the balcony just as she detransformed. That was WAYY too close.

Obviously, this made Marinette angry. Like who wouldn't be? They did barge into her room without asking and she was already stressed out as it is. And they were also snooping through her stuff.

In the heat of anger, Marinette said that she didn't want their friendship, which shocked everyone. So they left. But they weren't mad, they were just upset.

At least no friends means reduced amount to lying??? Yeah, but we need friends in life, so it is a lose-lose case.

Sabine asks of they are okay and no one says anything. I wonder if she will ask Marinette later on.

They go to the park and as they recall their pain, ShadowMoth akumatizes them in a link because of their emotional connection to the bracelet. They didn't even have to hold hands in a circle!

Finally, a safeguard for the Miracle Box that isn't obvious and is protected by a passcode. The record sonogram (or whatever is called) that Master Fu had!

Bruh, they couldn't come up with something different for the Gang of Secrets other than their former akumatized selves???

And then the girls (now the Gang of Secrets) barge into Marinette's room (again) to get her to spill her secrets.

Trixx using their power of illusion to lead the Gang of Secrets somewhere else. And Marinette was hidden.

Lady WiFi wondering how Marinette jumped 3 stories without superpowers was just that wholesome moment like girl you don't even know.

Every kwami using their powers without a holder has their own adverse affect. For Trixx, it was making the Eifel Tower dance (or at least I think it's dancing)

Plagg is like "this isn't a me thing, this is an everyone thing, but more importantly a Trixx thing." Adrien is like "M'Lady needs me!"

Ladybug and Marinette merge into one (figuratively speaking) when she tells Chat why the Gang of Secrets was there in the first place. Poor girl, we need to give her a hug.

Ladybug confronts Lady WiFi and tries to tell her that she is trusted and about Rena Rouge. Then...

SHE BREAKS OUT OF HER SIDE OF THE AKUMATIZATION!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ALYA HAS BECOME THE FIRST PERSON TO BE AKUMATIZED AND BREAK OUT OF IT! AND SHE HURT SHADOWMOTH WHILE DOING SO! I'M HAPPY FOR MY GIRL.

Ladybug trusts Alya and gives her the Fox Miraculous again. Not complaining, but what about ShadowMoth knowing her secret identity??? Miracle Queen anyone??? You know, a chunk of the reason WHY MARINETTE IS SUFFERING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?

Also, teleportation of the Miraculous from the Miracle Box to Ladybug's yoyo! (Well more like a direct connection!) Cool and smart!

Rena Rouge, THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING US MARICHAT STANS AND OUT #justice for Marichat CAMPAIGN STARTED BY SOME OF MY FOLLOWERS ASKING FOR MORE MARICHAT EVEN IF IT WAS FOR 3 SECONDS!!!! (Yes I notice your comments peoples, I am generally a tired and busy person to respond, but I eventually acknowledge everything)

Can we take a moment and point out how amazing it was that Chat was fighting three (four???) akumas ON HIS OWN WHILE ON THE CAT PHONE!!! ICONIC!

IT WAS ALL SO CLOSE! SHADOWMOTH ALMOST HAD THE MIRACULOUS IF IT WEREN'T FOR PERFECT TIMING!

The moment with Alya in the alley! Friendship goals.

Marinette comes to terms that the breakup upsetted her so much and finds that love is complicated and chose friendship at the very least. Their reunion was what they all needed after what happened.

Alya stays behind to say that she knows that there is more, but will not press further. Can we get an applause for character growth?

Marinette asks her to stay longer as she wanted to tell her something.

It really was hard for her to keep lying to everyone and how she had to break up with Luka for this reason while also fearing that it would be the same with Adrien (she does not know, so she has a right to fear, also Chat Blanc!) She really needs a hug and such.

The whole concern about things changing between them is relatable to be but on a different context. It hit hard for me.

My fellow peoples: the moment that we were (sort of) waiting for ages is here:

JE SUIS LADYBUG! MARI TOLD ALYA THAT SHE'S LADYBUG!!!!

And Alya GIVES HER A HUG AS IN SHE UNDERSTOOD WHAT THIS MEANT AND THE REALIZATION OF WHAT MARINETTE WENT THROUGH!

As sad as I am that it was not Chat that she said this to first, I am glad that it was Alya. As her best friend literally hours prior to becoming Ladybug, having stuck by her side unconditionally, and having the willpower to break out of her akumatization, Alya is a perfect choice. Now I look forward to see how Alya helps Marinette deal with this burden.

Overall, this is a top tier episode, aka the best episode in the entire series in my opinion! I love how we explore Marinette's feelings regarding everything that is going on in her life and the ramifications of her being a guardian. It hurts and at the same time, it is beautifully executed! It shows the evolution of the writing and of the characters!

My arm hurt from the vaccine yesterday and these posts are usually long, so that's why it's released today rather than yesterday. Anyways, I recommend watching this episode!

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 2

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2205

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue 

Once you stopped laughing with your panic, you did what any other logically thinking person would do and rang the police. And you waited at your front door, not touching anything within your home in case you tampered the evidence further. You were already scolding yourself for eating the food prepared for you. What if it had been poisoned? You thankfully didn’t feel any worse off with your cold, if anything, you felt loads better.

Still, the anxiety ran high within you until the two officers finished checking everything over.

“It looks like the person who did this knows you intimately,” Constable Park said with a brief frown. “We’ll run the fingerprints we’ve managed to find through our system to see if they’re in it but I’m not sure what more help we can give you, Miss L/N.”

“Thank you, Constable, I appreciate your efforts all the same.”

“You said you’re a famous author, right?”

You grimaced. “I wouldn’t say famous.”

“I’ve heard of your name before,” Officer Yoon mentioned with a sheepish grin when you glanced at him in surprise. He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “My girlfriend reads your stories.”

“Ah. Please tell her I said thanks.”

“Could I actually get your autograph to give to her? I’d be in her best books for-”

“Dowoon!” Constable Park cut in sternly, causing the taller man to shrink back.

“I don’t mind,” you offered and headed back to your office for a pen and paper. You stopped when you noticed your favourite pen was missing. Surmising it had been moved during the police search; you reached for another pen and then wrote down a quick message for the young officer’s girlfriend before signing it.

You stopped again, staring at the message still displayed on your screen.

Your biggest fan.

Constable Park was back at your side again and you glanced up at him. “You mentioned just now about me being known and the message here…”

“Just make sure you keep the doors locked and maybe invite someone around to stay with you for the time being. As harmless as it’s all been, we do have more than one fingerprint detected today. Since you live alone and haven’t had anyone over in some time, we can confirm there was a second person in here last night. I know it’s easy to spend time being grateful to your avid followers but be careful with who you share your personal information with.”

A chill shuddered its way down your spine and you nodded hastily, taking the card the man held out. He smiled comfortingly. “If you have any other problems, Miss L/N, this is my direct line. Contact me right away, okay?”

“Thank you, Constable Park,” you replied weakly, reading the card and finding that his first name was Sungjin. You smiled when you looked back up at him. “I appreciate it.”

“Alright Dowoon, let’s head out and I’ll be in contact when we’ve checked the database,” Sungjin – Constable Park – stated and you nodded once more as you handed the autograph to his colleague. Dowoon grinned bashfully and thanked you all the way back to your front door, where you fare-welled the pair.

And promptly locked and latched the front door.

You had lived alone since your early twenties, too independent to work well with roommates. Whilst you had started out in a small, frigid apartment, you had cherished the space alone to create your fantasies into novels. You had only moved to your modest villa within the last year and adopted Binks, the only company you needed on a daily basis outside of your characters.

You weren’t recluse by any means, you just preferred your own company. Socialising was exhausting for your introverted ways, and even though you wanted to play it safe, you slumped down on the couch after the police left and groaned at how exhausting today had been so far.

“I’m sick, that’s adding to it,” you said out loud, and then caught yourself doing so, snapping back upright in your position. “I talk out loud to myself a lot, don’t I?”

Of course, your belongings didn’t reply. And Binks had gone into hiding when Sungjin and Dowoon were here, being afraid of men entirely.

Thinking over the care the stranger had given to even your cat, you decided they had to be female. It didn’t ease your mind any assigning a gender to this person. But it did help you feel as if you were getting somewhere with the mystery behind it.

“And once the police run all the necessary checks, hopefully, I’ll have more answers,” you announced, groaning when you had realised you spoke out loud again. “Oh, whatever! I don’t have to keep my thoughts locked up inside my head or spoken through my fingertips into a word document either! My house, my life!”

And with that, you got up and went back to your desk where you tried to seek out some normalcy for the rest of your day.

You checked emails before conversing with Lily who was animatedly retelling you of her reactions to the final part of the manuscript you sent her. You mentioned to her about what happened too. Lily, however, seemed to be more concerned about something you had written, after exclaiming over your safety. You watched the video screen where your editor, and probably the person who knew you the most aside from your mother, struggled with something.

You frowned. “What is it?”

“You didn’t put your usual The End at the final part for me.”

“Yes I did,” you corrected, leaning back in your chair. “You know me. I always put it at the end of every manuscript so you can’t nag me for more words. The End means I’m not adding to this story anymore!”

“You didn’t put it, Y/N,” she repeated, glancing up at you curiously through her laptop’s camera. “You put something else.”

“Look, I’ll prove it to you,” you announced with pure conviction, clicking on the word document icon on the taskbar and then stopped momentarily when you finally noticed that the story was still open. “That’s strange. I know I closed out of it last night.”

“Out of what?” she asked as you clicked on the tab and watched the document appear on the screen.

You immediately gasped. There, after the final scene of Charli and Brian, was no longer The End as Lily had announced. Instead, the words, To Be Continued had been placed there.

“I didn’t put that there,” you whispered and Lily laughed, unconvinced.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N! Who else would have?”

“I sent it to you right after I finished and I swear I had The End written there.”

“Maybe your writing muse changed it on you,” she teased but you didn’t join her in the amusement. She sensed your shock and blinked a couple of times before focusing back on you. “You really didn’t do it?”

“What if they changed the whole story?!” you shrieked as you jumped to the worst conclusion, scrolling up until you found the line that Brian had spoken to Charli about waiting for an eternity for her. You relaxed a little when everything appeared to be in order. “Maybe I’ll name the third book in this series, Eternity.”

“Wow, just like that, you calmed down,” Lily observed and then nodded. “I like that.”

“I don’t know. I’m just a little sensitive.”

“You were taking medicine last night for the cold, right?” You nodded at Lily’s question and the woman smiled knowingly. “Maybe you took too much at once and hallucinated a little. Or blacked out and can’t remember much.”

“I’m changing it back to The End,” you told her, typing it as you did so. Closing the document, you smiled brightly at the video call. “I’m not adding any further words to Captivated, you hear me? You work your editing magic and I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yes, Boss!” she cheered, waving to end the call and you powered off your laptop then, making sure to shut the lid down as well.

After finding Binks, you scooped him up in your arms, checked all the doors a final time before heading off to bed for much-needed rest.

You were still a little sick, after all.

You awoke to the sound of your phone ringing the following morning and blearily reached out to silence it. “Hello?”

“Miss L/N?” a deep voice asked and you sat up a little, blinking away your sleep. “This is Constable Park. We met yesterday regarding your intrusion issue?”

“Sungjin,” you immediately said and then gripped at your blankets at your first name slip-up. Clearly, you were still grappling with becoming alert enough for proper etiquette.

He chuckled lightly. “Yes, shall I call you Y/N?”

“If it makes the situation still work well, be my guest.”

“Well, I’m not sure how happy you’ll be to have me calling you by your name, Y/N, in a moment.”

“No?”

“The results are in and there’s no fingerprint matching that in our database. Whilst that’s bad news for us to immediately act upon it, it doesn’t diminish the fact that someone had been there either.”

Despite being under your blankets, you ran cold, wrapping your spare arm around you to try and warm yourself back up. “I see. Does this mean you can’t do anything?”

“I’m afraid so. If you find anyone suspicious in your house or lurking around the outside, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Of course, thank you, Sungjin.”

“You’re the first person I’ve been called out to that’s called me by my first name, you know.”

“Do you find me rude for doing so?”

“It’s refreshing,” he admitted and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of being something different for the man. You then bit at your lip, realising you were overreacting all because a man in uniform had stepped into your home.

Okay, so Sungjin was really handsome. And you were deprived of seeing such handsome outside of your stories. Whilst he was no Brian Kang, he would definitely make for a great love story counterpart in a new world. Perhaps he helped the main protagonist and became her protector. Or maybe –

“Y/N?” Sungjin said and you blinked rapidly out of your racing thoughts, coughing a little to cover your embarrassment. “You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m still recovering from this fever,” you admitted, fanning at your face for effect. “Did you say anything else?”

“Yeah, I just told you to keep safe, okay? I don’t need to be worrying about you needlessly, right?”

Oh, you were so going to get up right after this phone call and start typing out these ideas flashing through your mind. However, you gave a moment more to the police officer and confirmed you would call him at the first sign of trouble before ending the call.

Springing up from your bedding, you dashed into your office and perched on the edge of your chair as you opened your laptop and turned it on. You were relieved to find everything in your office in the right place as you opened a new word document and tapped furiously on your keyboard to get down all your ideas for your new police officer au story.

And when you were finally done, you leaned back in your chair and giggled. You weren’t always inspired by people who stepped into your world, but this was solid content you couldn’t ignore.

“Perhaps it’ll help me live out my Sungjin desires too,” you admitted sheepishly before glancing at your pen stand. You remembered about the missing pen and searched on top of your desk and then scooted your chair back to look on the floor. “Where did you go, favourite pen?”

Not finding it anywhere, you pouted right as your stomach grumbled. “Ah,” you said weakly, clutching your stomach in your hand. “I best feed myself and Binks. Hopefully, that pen will turn back up.”

Once you had eaten and quietened Binks’ demands for his morning affection, you got dressed and readied yourself for a trip out to the grocery store. Next, you had to write out a list of what you needed and went back into your office, sitting down at your desk and reaching for some paper.

Your attention turned to your laptop, where you found your favourite pen sitting upon it. “What the…”

And looking up at the screen, another message awaited you.

 Sorry, I didn’t realise I had taken it with me after writing you the notes.

 Glancing around yourself, you froze with the fear that rose within. You hadn’t heard anyone inside the house during this time. Yet, there was proof someone had come in again. You looked to the window, it was firmly shut. There was no way anyone could have gotten inside the house without walking passed you first.

You then started to shake.

Had they been in here all night long again?

Just as you went to get up and fetch your phone to ring Sungjin back, you noticed a second tab open on the document screen.

It was Captivated. And once again, the last words read, To Be Continued.

_________________

Part 3

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[wolffnichols]

Where can i find these Reggie x Nick thought i heard from you? I'm intrigued.

Sorry it took a bit to answer this, Nonnie! But thank you for giving me this opportunity to talk about this new crack ship that I can’t help but love. They haven’t yet reached the same level of love I have for my other “technically” crackship, that is basically canon to me, Flarrie (aka Flynn x Carrie who has become an otp to me and @alexs-fannypack and is a beautiful ship in our canon and deserves to have a ex friends-enemies-lovers sl in s2 and beyond. FIGHT US.) BUT, I literally just came up with the idea of Reggie x Nick like yesterday, so it’s new. However here’s why I really like the idea of them (even though there’s absolutely no basis for them):

How I came up with them was that I was seeing a funny post about Nick and Juke. And it reminded me about my feelings about Nick. Like even though I don’t really ship Nick/Julie and Juke is my OTP of OTP’s on this show (along with Willex), I still felt really bad for him, especially at the end of s1 (they better get Caleb out of him ASAP). He was always so nice and supportive to Julie. Like even after Julie rejected him, he was still so supportive and happy her when she and the band performed at The Orpheum. Nick is just a supportive sweetheart and deserves all the love in the world. 

And then it hit me. You know who else is also a supportive sweetheart that deserves all the love in the world? Our very own Reginald, of course. 

While Luke has Julie and Alex has Willie, my boi Reggie deserves to have someone too. And he’s such an adorable precious bean who loves and supports everyone, and who deserves more love. And yes, that’s basically my whole basis for them. However, I think pairing two characters who both like music and are such supportive sweethearts, together can be really adorable. They can show that love and support to each other. 

Now, you’re probably thinking, “That’s cute and all. But one’s a ghost and one’s a lifer who can’t see him like Julie can. How’s that going to work?” Well, I’m glad you asked. There’s two ways that this can be solved. 

1) I mentioned before that I think after Julie saved her himbos The Phantoms, they got more powerful which explains how she was able to touch them, and were now able to do more stuff. I have different theories of what that exactly entails. But right now we’re going to focus on others seeing them. And there’s two ways that came to mind to help with Reggie x Nick. Either, only people can see them when Julie’s around and/or touching them, or if the ghost has like an emotional connection to them or something. In my Alex fic that I wrote, I explained it being a bit of both. 

2) After Nick is possessed by Caleb and they somehow save him (bc they’re gonna save him dammit), maybe it did something to him that not only makes him able to see the ghosts but touch them as well. 

Now that solving how they can see each other is out of the way. Here’s other random/silly thoughts on why I like the idea of them: 

-Like most of the characters, they both really love music and are really talented. But it’s not really focused like the others. For Reggie, we do see is it (like in The Band Is Back) but it’s mostly either through jokes (e.i the best country song not yet made, Home Is Where My Horse Is) or through their band’s love for music in general. And with Nick, we barely see him in music class in the beginning of 1x01 (which I will expand on in just a second), but I think it’s safe to say that he loves music and that it means a lot to him. It’d be cool to have how they first bond is through music (like with Juke).

- Speaking of their love for music. They both can play the guitar extremely well. Reggie with his bass and Nick with the electric. Like did you see Nick shredding that beautiful blue Les Paul in music class during 1x01?? I think Reggie would totally rock out to that. Now I’m imagining them completely jamming out together.

-They both have great styles that I think can sorta compliment each other in way. Like @alexs-fannypack mentioned, Nick’s fedoras are awesome and I can totally see Reggie being like the only one who brings them up and really loving them. Like Nick’s whole Fedora/old style look matched with Reggie’s 90′s rocker leather jacket/black tank/flannel shirt tied around the waist ensemble? Already iconic. *chef’s kiss*

-And last but certainly not least. Nick would totally play/sing Home Is Where My Horse Is with Reggie. Both out of support for him, but also bc he really loves the song.  

In conclusion: Both Nick and Reggie are precious supportive beans who deserve the world and love (just in case that wasn’t clear from all of the times I mentioned it). And I think they can give that to each other. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[youremyonlyhope]

Starship Rewatch

10 years ago today (well, yesterday since I’m posting it a day later), 15 year old Hope curled up on her couch to watch a new StarKid show called Starship right as it dropped. This was the first time I got to watch a show when it was posted since I didn’t become a StarKid fan until a months earlier. I was so excited.

And now, I’m rewatching Starship for the first time in full in at least 5 years I think. I listened to the soundtrack twice earlier today, singing along at my desk at work (thank god no one else was here tonight to judge me). I still know so many of the lyrics. And so many little jokes and stuff were flooding back. Starship was my favorite StarKid show for a long time, so I’m so excited to watch this again to see if it’s still my fave.

This post ended up being really long, so you’ve been warned. But it also includes pictures of the crocheted Roach and Bugette plushies that I made as a teen.

OH. THE OLD LOGO. AHHH. I already have so many feels. The future is now! I can’t handle this. The nostalgia! The Galactic League of Extraterrestrial Exploration. My facebook account to this day says I am a Starship Ranger at the G.L.E.E. because I’ve never bothered to change it. Also, shoutout to anyone from the StarKidPotter FB and EFST days if you’re reading this. AHHH IT’S CHRIS AND ERIC. Ok I might have to pause 20 thousand times during this Starship Ranger ad to acknowledge all the StarKid cameos. Tyler! “We come to conquer... in peace!” Tyler I love you. Brian and Richard! I forgot they painted Richard BLUE. Britney and Ariel! Nicholas Joseph Stauss-Matathia! I see that StarKid’s website has shortened his name to just Nicholas Strauss but remember the days when we’d purposefully say his full name? Anyway, I literally just screamed “NICK” when I saw him because he was always one of my faves. The Old Snatch was and still is iconic. Devin and Lily! The Wizard God himself, AJ Holmes. God... remember those AJ Holmes appreciation days where we’d make Chuck Norris-like memes about AJ? So much is rushing back from the depths of my mind oh my god... It’s been so long yet it feels like yesterday... “Someone really *static* F- *static* -ucked up big time” Love it.

2 minutes and 22 seconds in. I’ve written so much. I had to pause before Joey started singing to take a moment. I love this show so much. I love these goofballs so much. And they’re all so young. Most of them are younger than I am now. This is insane.

Ok I have to promise myself not to pause as much now. *Spoiler, I failed*

“I’ll fight off this gamma radiation if it’s the last thing I ever do!... We’re going down! This is the last thing I’ll ever do!” Oh my god. Look at baby Joey. He hasn’t even graduated from college yet. And that Bug puppet! Someone remind me to dig up the pictures of my crocheted plushies of Starship puppets since I made Roach and Bugette and gave them to the StarKids at SPACE and Apocalyptour. (I also did Rumbleroar, but the bugs were my own pattern I made so I was more proud) The camera is focused in on Bug instead of Joey’s face. I love it. So much. Brannnttttttt. My god. Am I gonna freak out over every single entrance? Roach pretending to die, he’s the best friend ever. “The needs of the many bugs outweigh the needs of the few bugs.” “Or the one bug, I know.” Oh man, when that line comes back... “Dirt eater” “Exoskeleton polisher” “I wanna build honeycombs” “The bug that ruins your picnic” “A fly on the wall!” That line came back to me earlier today and I died. Remembering that line was like 50% of the reason I listened to the soundtrack today.

Nick Lang! Julia! LAUREN LOPEZ. THERE SHE IS. Lovebugs, I can’t. *Sentimental music* “You could come over to my nest and I could... tear off your head and let my larva devour your body?” How did I forget that line? The way Lauren has to kick Bugette’s larva sack to walk. But the way that it also works so well with the character. I can’t. The Mosquito Brothers!! I forgot they show up so early. “This is our sister, Sweetheart” “...YO.” I CANNOT HANDLE JIM POVOLO. The “zzzz”s like buzzing as backing vocals instead of the usual “ahs” and “oohs.” The things you don’t appreciate until years later. Darren, you genius. That is such a good detail. For a second I couldn’t remember who the Overqueen is played by. 99% sure it’s Jim (It is). Also. Overqueen like ovary... and it looks like a giant vagina. That had to be pointed out to me later. “FLATTERY WILL GET YOU... everywhere.” Why did I forget that line too? “I’m a starship ranger” “Quiet you, you’re drunk” “No I’m drunk!” I remembered that line probably like... 2 minutes earlier when I noticed Joe huddling in the background and realized that line was coming up. The way Joey lets go of the puppet so both he and the puppet walk away with their arms limp... so cute.

Before even pressing play on part 3, I can hear February saying “Let the record show I am super ahead of schedule.” and I’m dying. I forgot about Brian as the escape pod. Denise Donovan! That Star Trek prop. I’m dumb so I can’t remember if it’s a communicator or what. But I know my Uhura Barbie had a mini one that I lost within a month probably. “OxyGen” “Schience” I can’t. “Mission Log... I think I just heard a spooky noise.” How am I forgetting all of these amazing lines? “Pika-pi!” AHHH I JUST SCREAMED. “My stars, I seemed to have landed in a field of these aMiNals!” I can’t. “Can I tell you guys something?” *port de bras and falls gently to the ground* “Hello!” “TOTORO!” I’m dead. The balloon mechanism on the mosquitos! I forgot about that! “HOLY SHIT IT’S A BUUUUGGGGG” Ok something I noticed but didn’t mention earlier. The bug puppet that Joe uses when he says “I had my heart set on nourishment” is the same one red and pink one that Julia used when talking about wanting to be nourishment. When Julia actually gets eaten, she’s using a different bug puppet, the green and pink one, but the same character voice. So, I can’t tell if they intentionally had her play 2 bugs so Joe could be one of them later, or if it was a mistake. I might also just be overthinking things. “ME THINKS IT WENT THAT-A-WAY” I cannot handle Jim Povolo. That scream Joe does as he slimes her. Woah I originally wrote “There seems to be no signs of intelligent lifeforms anywhere” earlier and then deleted it since I don’t know why I found it remarkable. And then looking at the comments of this part I see someone mentioned a Toy Story reference. So that’s why that line stuck out to me. Aww StarKid. There are so many Disney references in this show.

THERE SHE IS. THERE’S MY GIRL TAZ. The pew pew effects how could I forget that!  “Hey Taz. You’re pretty tough for a chick.” “I was just going to say the same thing about you.” “Woahhhhhhhh” JoMo oh my god. “My spectrometer readings are off the wazooooooo” That line kills me. Why am I JUST NOW noticing, 10 years later, that Tootsie enters this scene with his gun facing the wrong way. Oh my god. “I saw the empirical proof that science killed god. It’s comforting to know he was once alive though. I like to think that when he died, he went to heaven.” Oh Tootsie Noodles. “...What the hell kind of name is that?” “He’s got bear hands??” Why do I forget all of these lines??!? That record scratch and freeze frame to go “BOOOOOO” oh my god I forgot that. “Like the other day, he was in the cafeteria, just cah-rying in front of everybody.” BOOOOOOO. Here we go, Taz’s amazing Up monologue. “And when Up, cuts an onion, the ONION is the one who cry.” HELP. Also 99% sure I used that joke for AJ appreciation at least one year. “Now take a walk off my knife” What a line. So awesome. I remember having a profile pic on FB that was the text of that monologue and the image of Lauren screaming “WALK IT OFF” I’m still convinced that first “WOO” from the audience that we hear when Up enters is Darren. “I do not peepee sitting down” “Huh??” JoMo’s face as if he’s trying his hardest not to laugh and I can’t tell if that’s him breaking character or if Krayonder is actually trying not to laugh. “I peepee like big boy, deadgoddamnit. So stop making fun of me because it hurts my feelings” I’m dying. Also, deadgoddamnit is amazing. “if you don’t go out there and die for something, then I will kill you for nothing.” I remembered the mirror scene, just seconds before it started and already started laughing. “You’re not a failure, overall.” “Allow me to introduce you to the final member of your team. MegaGirl!” I forgot how DRAMATIC that was. I also forgot that’s how MegaGirl comes into the story.

I need to stop pausing every 5 seconds oh my god I’ll never finish this tonight if I don’t.

“All hail AstroBoy” That was the funniest line. “MegaGirl, can you kill humans?” “No. But I’d like to.” I can’t handle it. “A horse ate my cousin! Me and horses got a feud.” #1 MegaGirl doing the “I’m watching you” hand sign. I can’t. “Hey. Miráme. *Slaps* NOW ESCHUCHAME” amazing. “Or that time. You taught me calculus... CALCULUS WAS TOUGH.” I never went past pre-calc. Nope. Ah. Get Back Up. One of my fave songs. “And now we dance.” Dylan’s “OW” as they lean back. “Ok Idiotas. Say something nice. Or I will kill you.” It’s all so iconic.

“So you still think being an egg planter is lame?” “...Yes.”�� The larva oh my god. I forgot we see one before the end. That’s Jaime playing the larva I think. Life is definitely one of my all-time favorite StarKid songs to this day. I wish it was longer. I love it so much. And I love that its instrumental is scattered as a motif throughout the show. “It’s a short, small thing we lead. With so much potential, pointless or essential, which one can I be?” Wow. Near Pippin levels of giving me an existential crisis. Also wow Joey improved his singing so much between AVPS and Starship. “My name’s Bug” “*Gasp!* Like a bug??” “Uh... no.” “Good. I’m February, like the month, but a person.” I should start saying that honestly. “I’m Hope, like the concept, but a person.” “You boldly go where every man -hey- woman -bark woof- or data dog has ever gone before! Sorry K9DX” Adorable. Joey’s subtle little double nod he makes the Bug puppet do when he’s shocked she thinks he’s a Starship Ranger. Amazing. Ah he said goddamn not deadgoddamn! February should have known right then he wasn’t human! “Take my claw” that too. "The only thing that needs to rest are your jokes, because they are so tired.” “Woahhhhhh” No but like... why don’t I use that line in everyday life... “Now I am slightly less weak.” “Ok. I’m going to shoot this metal bitch!” I’m dying. How did I forget the Taz/MegaGirl rivalry?? “That thing is a R-O-B-O-T man” “Can’t fool me with numbers, Krayonder.” I’m dead. “The stack of hay was my cousin!” #2 The way Meredith says “barometric pressure” is great. And Tootsie saying “Well you must take real good care of it, because I never would have guessed.” He’s such a sweetheart. “Nobody shoot dammit, nobody shoot.” “KILL KILL KILL” I never really liked Hideous Creatures but it’s so cute to see MegaGirl do the choreo robotically. I love that the Gap hasn’t changed. “Cool it skank, you do not know me.” Another line that I forgot until a split second before it was said. I’m so glad whoever edited this added some pews going in the wrong way for Tootsie’s gun. I know I definitely noticed Tootsie’s gun was backwards during this part, but I don’t know if I noticed it was backwards in that very first scene too. I forgot about MegaGirl tossing out Specs. That “MEGAGIRL!!!” scream from Joe though.

“Never in my 6 long days of life.” Underappreciated joke. Also, I think this is the 4th unique upright bug puppet. We got red/pink, green/blue, green/pink, and now red/blue. Also, Nick Lang is a great puppeteer. “Yes, I helped her escape. But I swear, never in a million years, did I think I’d be caught and yelled at for it!”  Oh I forgot Bugette is the witness. Jaime’s angry face behind Joey is killing me. “He didn’t know the humans were evil.” “Oh, they’re not.” “Shut up!” Humoons and hoomans. “And no more singing or dancing” *gasps of horror* “The Overqueen has overspoken.” “Well, that’s not gonna help your chances with Bugette” Oh Roach. “PERHAPS.” Jim destroys me.

God the 4-person Pincer puppet. Amazing. Dylan’s arms being strong enough to be above his head for 10 minutes straight. Amazing. Also, Nick Lang is so emotive as a claw. It took me a sec but yeah JoMo is the tail. “There were? Where are they?” Joey’s face. “Tell me all about her” The claws under the chin I can’t. Hey StarKid, I see you throwing in an ad mid-video before Kick It Up a Notch. You’re lucky I love and support you guys. “Put ‘em together and what have you got?” bibbity boppity boo. More Disney references! This scene is full of them. Man, remember when we were all blown away by Dylan’s voice in this song the first time? Like we could tell he could sing in AVPM/S, but his songs were just so jokey and only his long “Welcooooooooooome” showed us his talent. But then Kick It Up a Notch happened. And we FINALLY appreciated Dylan’s beautiful voice. “I pushed it to the limit.” and “To coin a phrase, be a man.” more Disney. I might be overthinking this and will have to rewatch Life to confirm, but I think the camera zooming out as Pincer reprises Life is just like the camerawork when Bug sang it originally. If so, then wow even when filming their shows StarKid really thinks it all through. (Update: It totally is referencing the original zooms for Life and that’s amazing. Except it’s zooming out instead of in. I LOVE the attention to detail even in filming the show. I’m gonna guess that’s Liam’s doing.) All I can see when I hear Bug’s chorus of this song is Jaime and her SPACE tour dancing, which they incorporated in Apocalyptour as actual choreography. Because they’re goofballs. The kick line. Love it. God. Even though it’s not my favorite song from Starship (just because I love Life and Beauty more), Kick It Up A Notch is one of the best StarKid has ever done. I really has everything. Dylan’s gorgeous voice. Not one but two reprises of earlier songs to throw Bug’s own words back at him. Jim’s bass line. Awesome puppets. Disney references. It’s so amazing. I love how all the comments are either about Dylan’s voice or Dylan’s ability to hold his arms up for a 10+ minute scene or both.

"Gameover man, gameover!” “I feel like cutting open your belly, and filling it with jelly” *Gasps* Oh my god, I put on the captions for a second, and  the caption said *Sad spayed puppy noises* “I am in charge of this mission now.” How did I forget about the mustache until 2 seconds before it happened? “She’s got the mustache now. *Kisses head* I love you” Oh my god Tootsie. I FORGOT ABOUT THE SECOND STACHE. There’s an ad right when we see Bug’s human form and I can’t even care because look at him! Ahhh. And the blue headband! Ahhhhh. Joey you’re so adorableeeee. “Bug? Well that’s a fine name.” His concerned face then the relief. Adorable. “Thank you sir. I am a tough bitch.” “Getting nothing but bug muff?!?” I love the slight delay the audience has before laughing as they realize what was just said. “Bug. You hard, ese. You flame.” I die. “Up there. In Space!” *dramatic pointing* No I totally didn’t just do the dramatic pointing with them... no that’s not in my muscle memory from 10 years ago... why would you think that. I’ll rave about Status Quo after it’s done. “But, what if I miss you?” Awwwwwwwww. And that “Just look up.” screenshot was used for “This.” memes in the fandom for years.

Oh Joey. Status Quo is such a good song too. And he really did improve as a singer to sing it. Earlier this week I remembered that this week is also the 10th anniversary of that time Darren was hopping from city to city every single day to promote the Warblers album. And at one point in that week he did a livestream that I remember rushing home to watch. In that livestream, I am 99% sure he sang Status Quo as a little sneak preview for Starship being released later that week. (Just checked, yep he sang it in a livestream on April 20 2011) God I love this song. Then the version the boys all sang for SPACE Tour was beyond beautiful too. Ahhh I love this musical.

Ok. It’s almost midnight. I started this 3 hours ago. I’m probably not finishing the show until 2am at the rate that I’m pausing and stopping to comment. But OH WELL.

“Dr. Spaceclaw” wow. “Leaving them behind was of little consequence, but a pleasure.” Oh Megagirl. “You did a very good job today too, son.” “*Gasp* Thanks dad.” That Star Wars fake-out though. Speaking of Star Wars, I really need to rewatch Ani now that I’m actively a Star Wars fan unlike last time when I still wasn’t invested in the movies I just watched them. How did I forget about Jaime playing Junior’s new mom?? ...Does Junior get an alien incubating in his chest... is that foreshadowing... I can’t remember. (This was like... half a foreshadow) This scene is funnier now that Breredith is married. The way Junior says “Phew” I’m dead. I remembered how they restrain MegaGirl once again 2 seconds before it happened oh my god. “We deserve bubbles on our skin.” An iconic line. “Well thank the long dead god you made it, Bug!”  The crunching of the handshake, I can’t. Oh someone in the comments pointed out that Bug and February are doing the Tarzan hand thing while Up’s asking Taz to see a movie. Adorable.

Get yourself a man like Tootsie who won’t stand for you talking down about yourself. “Maybe this was all part of God’s plan. He made before he died.” I love the dead god jokes. I remember years ago some kid on facebook was like “The dead god jokes are offensive” and I was like “It’s a sci-fi musical about a bug in a human body but sure worry about god being dead.” but probably in an even more immature answer. I’m just mesmerized by Tootsie and MegaGirl’s verses. God. The first Dylan and Meredith duet. Amazing. And MegaGirl’s confused face is great. “Don’t press that button, or we’ll all be sucked into space.” So... Can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Oh shoot... ok wait no I’ll comment on that when we get there. God that is such a cute love song. I wrote barely anything just because I love that song so much. Would love to know where Tootsie’s taking her though.

Oh my god this scene! I forgot about this. How could I forget this. “Well the world always looks a little bit brighter, from on top of a lap.” I had remembered Bug sitting on Up’s lap, but not Specs. This is the part I forgot. Adorable. Ahhhh so cute. The Specs/Krayonder relationship was apparently cut from the filmed version, but was present if you saw it live. These moments are adorable. And I love how this is the second person JoMo’s had to carry in this show since he also carried Denise earlier. “Why if it isn’t Bug, my oldest friend.” and “Don’t say that, my dear.” are adorable. Oh wait. Up sat on Bug’s lap. Not the other way around. Ok. I didn’t remember this scene as well as I thought I did. I’m dying. I didn’t want to write anything during this, but oh my god “That son of a bitch Optimus Prime” I forgot that. I love the audience’s reaction to “The entire right side of my body, it’s a robot” because they all gasp, and then laugh at themselves for gasping. I knew there was something he couldn’t do without crying. I didn’t remember it being “Sir I Wanna Buy These Shoes” Christmas Song. It’s ok Up, I haven’t listened to that song in full in years. I can’t handle it. But Christmas songs in general make me cry too. Oh Up said goddamn instead of deadgoddamn too. Hmm... Aww the mother spider story. “I think the old you was just killing out of hate.” “Oh I was.” I’m dying. Awwww the nose kiss. I definitely remembered that. “Deadgodspeed soldier!” The way Joey misses catching the keys and also Darren’s “Woo!” in the audience again. So great. That 12 minute scene is just adorable and the Up story is so dramatic and hilarious.

Hmm finishing before 2am might be ambitious... “Hahaha. Then I’ll shoot him!” “Taking care of my business down on the planet is that cool with you?” Brian’s delivery of that line has always intrigued me. “How much I care about my MegaGirl unit’s survival is also a percent equivalent to zero” Rude. “You are nothing like my boyfriend, Tootsie Noodles.” “Yes, well - wait WHAAA” This scene is so different now that they’re married. “Ha. Ha. It was cute.” “You’re... a toaster.” *Slaps* Ok 1) I used to use that insult all the time and only half ironically. I was a strange teenager. 2) She just hurt a human... isn’t that against programming, or can she just not kill humans? Evil angry Brolden is something we need more of. I love Brian as a villain. More please. “You stupid goddamn robot” So I guess they say goddamn and deadgoddamnit. I’m overthinking the evolution of language in this universe. Also Brian’s screams while being choked are amazing. I’ve never forgotten those, if anything they’re better now.

AHHHH I REFRESHED AND DELETED ALL OF MY STUFF FOR BEAUTY. Kill me. I’m so mad. Let me try to recreate it but I hate myself. I was saving this draft after every part but OF COURSE I don’t save after my favorite song and then refresh.

Oh poor Meredith. Her white wig doesn’t let her blend in as much when she’s in the hoodies playing a bug. “Oh hey Bugette, we’re just trying to get Bug laid!” That bug had to know about Bugette’s crush though? That’s just cruel. “The ending is killer” ruuuuuuddddddddddeee. I know I had at least one more point, but that’s lost to the ether. Beauty is probably my fave, if not tied with Life. When I was listening to it earlier, I was overcome with emotion because it’s just such a joyful song. These days I cry over happy stuff almost as much as I cry over the sad. And these lines just hit so hard... I love it. I love this song so much and this scene so much. “Bug. She excreted her filth for you. WE DID IT!!!!!!!!” Brant Cox is so good. It really is a shame he’s not in anything else besides AVPSY and the 10th Anniversary with everyone else. “I do accept you for who you really are. A genius.” Well February, you’ll be glad to know that you thought of that, so you’re the genius. Wow. Junior’s 25, Brian was 25, and now I’m 25. This really was perfect timing for the 10th anniversary. Also I do not feel 25. “Suck off!” amazing.

I’M SAVING THIS TIME.

Ok next part. Luckily I was only 1 minute into the next part when I refreshed. Still so mad at myself... “Someone really firetrucked up big time” (Dead)God I love that line. I also used firetruck unironically. Once again, I was a strange teenager and I didn’t like cursing and I still don’t. “This is so weird, I’m so used to the scrambly version.” (It was while writing this line the first time that I refreshed and lost Beauty....) Ok as I watch AJ, it’s hitting me that he almost definitely came to the set during rehearsals and filmed his part since it’s not a green screen like the rest of them. “The hunters have become the hunted, and it’s wabbit season.” “That was a good video, until the end when it got sad.” Thanks Bug. “I think, I just had a think” See February’s smart. “I’m in a weird situation” Love that line. “Bug is a BUG!? I DON’T BELIEVE IT” Oh Junior. Dylan’s insulted face at “I am not... a dumbass.”  So I can’t tell if Brian forgets he’s trapped when he moves his arms into a more relaxed position to lean on the column and then puts them back, or if it’s purposefully staged that way. Brian’s acting while he pretends to be shy and embarrassed about his evil plan is amazing and adorable. Brian has a good evil laugh, why don’t we get him as a villain more often? Also I was gonna make some sort of joke about Nick as Pincer’s left claw vs. Robert as Snarl’s left paw, but I’ll leave it be.

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT WEIGHT TAZ WAS LIFTING JUST FLOATING UP TO THE SKY WHEN SHE LETS GO. I just laughed out loud. “Damn that G.L.E.E. They’re always making twisted abominations of everything!!” I cannot handle it. And the wink. Poor Darren but also not poor Darren at all. I was just now WRACKING my mind for who could possibly be playing Pincer’s tail if JoMo was being devoured by mosquitos. It’s Brant. Literally the entire cast is currently onstage. Ok Krayonder’s been getting his blood drained for 3 minutes, why is he alive? OH I FORGOT KRAYONDER GETS UP AND SHOOTS THE BUGS. Ok and he gets chopped by Pincer’s claws too so HOW does he survive? StarKid answer!!! I forgot how dramatic this musical gets when you got both the bugs and MegaGirl coming after the humans. Aww the Vulcan salute from Specs. “I changed my name. To Tootsie... MegaGirl.” I love the reactions of the people in the audience who immediately realize what that means. I hear at least one “oh my god” that sounds like sobbing. Awwwww Tootsie’s “that’s real” speech and “I’d love you if you was the horse that ate my cousin.” (#3) just... get yourself a man like Tootsie MegaGirl. He is perfection. God the downloading love scene is so cute. I can’t handle it.

The Up saving Taz scene is so dramatic. Then Brian and Jim just calmly walk offstage. It kills me. Also why did Jaime just continue to lie there? “I just needed to learn how to kill with my heart.” Not exactly what Bug meant, but it works. God Taz climbing onto Up’s back is still the most hilarious thing ever. Whoever thought of her climbing that way was a genius. So funny. I always wanted to try it. Holding the gun up to her head like a blowdryer always gave me anxiety. Making the door out of a scrim that can be backlit was genius. Oof and bringing back “The needs of the many bugs outweigh the needs of the few bugs. Or the one bug.” just hurts. Poor Bug. My heart. This is probably the line that sticks with me to this day and I do think about sometimes.

Ok it’s now 2am and I still have 2 more parts.

I sorta love that Joey didn’t have the time to change into his blacks so he’s still in the Starship Ranger suit while playing the Bug puppet. “Save the Overqueen. I love her.” Awww. “Roach, I’m gonna get the job done if it’s the second last thing I do.” Love it. That Kick It Up A Notch Reprise though. Brian, you should play villains more often. Also remember all of us being like “LUPIN CAN SING?!?!?!??!!” “Lucky for me, God is dead. When you see him in hell, tell him Junior sent you.” Deadgod I love that line. This whole deadgod thing was just leading up to that amazing line. Oh no Bugette! Bug saying “maestro” oh my god. “DFSDSJFDSJKFDS... I’m dead.” I forgot that part! Oh my god the way Brian flicks the glasses back down on his face. Ok so I saw Lauren wiggle her way behind the mucus sac, but I didn’t see Nick come onstage. I rewinded, and I guess the zoom in shots on Brian and Joey were timed so we can’t see Nick join Lauren to be the first larva to come out. Oh well. And I love the crowd cheering as Junior dies. “And bingo was his name-o” That callback though. I forgot that the Overqueen eats Bugette’s body while crying. “Or Bugette! Oh...” Also god Roach is adorable.

Last part. 2:21am. Here we go. Krayonder got his blood sucked out by giant mosquitos and was cut up by a giant scorpion, but all he needs is a bandage around his head. Awwww the soft “I Wanna Be” playing the background as Bug begs the team to accept his bug form. Bug being so mad “It’s that bastard Pincer isn’t it?” and then being so happy that Joey does the little nose scrunch thing. So cute. JOEY’S FACE WHEN DENISE KISSES THE BUG PUPPET. Cannot believe I forgot that until 2 seconds before it happened too. “I now pronounce you man vs. machine. Fight!” WOAH. Why in the WORLD did “eep op ork ahah” come back to me. I was able to say it WITH Joey. That was straight from the DEPTHS of my teenage brain oh my god. I forgot about that oh my GOD. THAT’S INSANE. I FORGOT SO MUCH STUFF BUT I REMEMBERED HOW TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN BUG.

And the Beauty reprise.

God I love this musical. It’s still my fave StarKid show I think. And I’m horrified to see that it has only 500K views for the last part, so only 500K people have watched it all the way through after 10 years. That’s disgraceful. It’s amazing. Watch Starship.

It is 2:32am. I started at 8:50pm. Got sidetracked when I had to rewatch the Beauty part of Act 2 again to make sure I got my notes back in the post. Took a few bathroom breaks. But this is mostly because I paused every like 10 seconds to make a comment, so it took 5 and a half hours to watch a 3 hour musical. This why I take forever to watch things while liveblogging. I take too long to writing notes.

I’ll probably just post this in the morning. Gotta proofread for mistakes before posting.

Ok it’s the next afternoon. This post is literally 5,000+ words and takes 20 minutes to read according to a online word counter. I’m sorry to whoever read this entire thing. Your reward is the pictures of the Starship plushies I crocheted when I was 15 and 16.

(Ignore the bad lighting and my horribly chipped paint. That’s the only picture I have of the Bugette one since I gave it to Lauren Lopez a day later. I started making another for myself shortly after but never finished. Maybe I should finally finish the second one... hmm...)

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] NCT DREAM’s interview with Allure September 2019 issue!

RENJUN

Has any of your childhood dreams come true? My dream, when I was little, was to become a real ‘star’. I wanted to become a singer, every year at school when the teacher would ask us what we hope for in the future my answer was always the same, becoming a star.  And because that became true I feel really good. 

Do you often dream when you sleep? I never not dream. Even when I sleep for a short while I still dream. The problem is that the moment I wake up I forget it all. So it’s rare for me to remember a dream, but there are dreams I have often. I’m not good at controlling the ability to fly so it’s a hard dream for me. (laughs)

Your favourite thing about ‘Boom’? The choreo in the last chorus has an impact. Not just the choreo but also the song itself is good. Also the mood of the concept is like all Dreamies so I really like it. A long time ago I’ve watched ‘Chewing Gum’ on Youtube. It feels like there’s been a change in those 3 years. In terms of appearance Jisung has changed the most. Yesterday I’ve watched an old video of ours and I was really surprised. This kid has grown up so much until now!

You’ve turned 20, what does it mean to turn 20 for you? A long time ago I knew that when you turn 20 you become an adult. I was looking forward to see if I too will grow up to the bone but once I actually turned 20 there wasn’t any huge change. On the outside it looks like you’re maturing but on the inside you’re still a kid. It seems like maybe being an adult can’t be defined by age.

What is something you’re the proudest of when it comes to NCT DREAM? One thing I can say for sure is that the members are very close to each other. So the mood within the team is good too. I can’t help but be happy even when I’m working. Once you work with is one time you can’t escape the Dream charm. (laughs) You’ll keep wanting to work with us. 

Once you were said to be a good translator? That means you must also be good at communication. I was always speaking both Korean and Chinese so there’s no special secret behind that. First of all in my head I read something in Korean first. Then I think of the meaning and say what I want to say in Chinese. You should never try to translate everything word by word. You have to go with the flow. 

Do you listen to your members’ concerns a lot? Yes. I listen to Jisung a lot so he can often be found in my room. One time he came and we talked until 4-5AM in the morning.  I talk a lot too so I think listening to each other like this opens our hearts and makes the stories even better. 

Today it has been continuously raining. If you don’t have any schedules on a day like this what do you want to do? On a day like this I’d be happy to set up a tent and eat hot pot in it, because I like resting while watching the rain pour. I like feeling cool (refreshed) and clean, so rainy days, days when it doesn’t rain, days when it snows, I like them all. To be honest I like all seasons. 

Every time you guys are trying new concepts, which one do you think suits you the most? Picking just one is hard. Until now we’ve been showing images that suit our age so all of it was just us being us. More childlike when we were younger, now it’s more grown up. I think we’re always showing concepts that suit us the most.

If you were to challenge something new, what would it be? I’d like to try a free concept. There hasn’t been a makeup or styling that would make me stand out so I’d like to showcase a side of me like this. I always wanted to learn playing piano, I can play a song or two. I want to learn more. 

You sing the ‘The dancing child with an innocent face now smiles and sets your heart on fire’ part. It’s a lyric that feels like it’s implying NCT DREAM has grown, how does it feel to sing it? Back in the day, we had a really pure image. It’s not that just our image has changed, but our mindsets are different too. Our growth is so evident that our fans and even people who aren’t fans can see it, this is what I think of. “Look, we’ve grown up like this”.

You’ve performed ‘Boom’ out of the <We Boom> album, but if you were to pick a B side what would it be? From this album specifically it’s hard to pick but I like ‘Bye My First’ the most. The melody is nice from start to end so you can listen to it with ease and no burden. 

Compared to other tracks with lots of charisma, this song is softer and sweeter. Is singing it different? There’s a tip I’ve learned at our company. When you sing a song while genuinely smiling it’s really different. You know how you know whether someone’s smiling just by listening to them speak? It’s the same with singing. There are no cameras but if I focus on conveying the emotion while smiling then it will be delivered to people who listen to the song well. 

JENO

Is there any childhood dream you had that came true? The dreams I had when I was younger never came true. But the one particular thing that did come true was me promoting as an artist. Among the other dreams I had were a car designer and architect. Though they are dreams I cannot achieve right now, I don’t have any regrets. 

What do you think of when you hear the word 'dream'? Growth and hope. Having to debut at a very young age, whether it's our physical growth or our developed skills, I think we've become the icons of growth. And the fact that we can still grow more will also lead to hope.

What's your favourite part in 'Boom'? The last chorus where we all dance together. The other members will feel the same. I like it because it gives me strength. At that moment, we all have that feeling of wanting to show everyone what we've worked hard for.

Your slogan is 'Yo Dream, let's be dope, fighting!'. When do you think your team is the best? I think our teamwork is the best when we tease each other. (laughs). We're so close now, it feels like a family. Even when we're busy during the promotions, you won't think we're tired when you see us joking around. It's really noisy in our waiting room.

What's the thing that changed the most in the three years since you debuted? When we just debuted, I felt a lot of pressure when we had to do official public talks. However, I've started to feel more comfortable since I began MCing for <The Show> a year ago. I think as we individually grow, the team's image also grows.

How do you feel it (the team's image) has changed? If 'Chewing Gum' only had a cute image, then this album has the image that's like a newly born adult. But everything else hasn't changed. It's all the same as when we first met. Whether it's the way we talk, our personalities or our thoughts. They are still all there.

How is the time spend with NCT DREAM is practicing? The longer the practice gets, the more our concentration will drop so we try to get everything done as quickly as possible. When we put bets on buying snacks when someone gets the choreography wrong, we all become very focused. it's kinda like spartan. (laughs)

You've just started your 20s. Is there anything you wish to happen? Actually, when I was a young boy, I thought something would be different when I turn 20 years old, but there isn't much difference. I think to work harder and have to take more responsibility so I can be more mature. But so far I still don't really know. What should I be responsible for and what should I work harder for? Seeing as I'm always together with the same friends.

Your nickname is JenoJam..? Did you make the other members laugh recently? Uhm... I don't really remember anything like that (laughs). Actually, I thought the nickname was kinda unfair when I first heard it. I thought I wasn't unfun to that extent. But after 4 year, I've acknowledged it and let it go. I thought it was good to have a character like that. I am the only 'NoJam' character in DREAM (laughs). Also, the kids have a chance to make it more fun. I think it has more advantages than I  thought.

As a child model, you've acted as various children types. But what kind of kid were you actually? A kid who studied hard and wanted to be good at everything.

It seems you might have been more comfortable in front of the camera compared to the other members. It's scary and nerve-wracking to stand in front of the camera for the first time because you are in front of many eyes and the recording remains forever. Thanks to my experience as a kid I didn't have much trouble standing in front of the camera when I debuted. And there are always kids who have their eyes closed when their pictures are taken. It seems like I was able to avoid that though.

You are a member who raises cats. When do you think a cat is the loveliest? Cats also have different personalities. It's great when they are 'catdog'-like but it often happens that they are not so that's why they are the loveliest when they are asleep. You have to be careful around sensitive cats when they are asleep because you can wake them up just from one touch.

Is there a member who resembles a cat? There's none. They are all like dogs. (laughs)

You are a member who is going is dancing and always does the 'point'-choreography. Do you have a role model? It's the one and only, famous for his dance, Kai sunbaenim

When idols talk about dance, they often talk about the 'body/dance-line'. What kind of dance-line do you like? I like it when a powerful dance is controlled/contained. First of all, a song and a dance have to match for it the whole thing to come to life. When you can control your strength, even in small movements, the dance-line will look impressive.

HAECHAN

Is there any childhood dream you had that came true? Debuting as the maknae. I've liked SHINee's Taemin hyung a lot since I was young so I thought it would be good to debut as the maknae. And oddly enough, I was the maknae when I debuted with NCT 127 even though I'm one of the older ones in DREAM. (laughs)

What's your favourite part in 'Boom'? The pre-chorus 'I become your dream and a path to it. I can make you hold your dream oh the dancing child with an innocent face now smiles and sets this track on fire oh' is the part I like the most. The lyrics, rhythms, it continues without empty space and you have to keep the groove inside that part going. Many things about this part suit me very well and I'm attached to it.

Especially in this part 'the dancing child with an innocent face now smiles and sets this track on fire oh' you can feel the growth of your team. We're really living up to these lyrics when we're doing promotions now. Until now we always had the vibe of 'we are promoting with a youthful spirit' but now it's like 'we dreamies have grown up and we will show you how much'. The lyrics have that kind of feeling so I can really feel it every time we sing it.

What's the thing that changed the most in three years? The mind? I'm not sure how to express it. When we just debuted, everything was fascinating and enjoyable. As I've gained more experience I think I've become more careful.

What do you think about the color (image) of NCT DREAM that's changing? To put it into words, we're going from a cute to a more mature image. In the case of 'Chewing Gum', back then Jisung very young at 15 years old and started entering puberty. Now, we've all grown out of puberty and I think we have that image. Especially our outer image (has grown) but still I think when people look at us they feel that 'these kids have grown'.

I've heard NCT DREAM is always practicing. What is the practice room to you? The practice room seems to be the start of everything. It consists of many things and a lot is done. It's different from what fans imagine. In a way, it's also a secret space. 

You made your debut and did promotions when you were young and now you've turned 20 years old. Does turning 20 have any meaning to you? I think it kinda has, it has many different meanings. After you turned 20, you also become an adult, it's the start of your 20s and no matter what you have many responsibilities... Since I thought I should show the image of my growth I gave it a lot of thoughts.

What would you like your 20s to be like? your 20s are the peak, right? I think it's a time where you bloom. If the teenage years is the time you make preparations, 20s are when you make the start.

Before you've said "(you) have to be cool and do well" right? When do you think you're cool? I don't think strong concepts aren't the only ones that are cool. I think anyone is cool when they are themselves. I think it's cool when you know yourself and are able to express it. I didn't really know either. I just followed the cool stuff. I used to not know what I was good at (didn't know myself) but from the moment I started to realize what I'm good at (found myself), me and other people who watch me have been seeing me in a better light. (t/n: cool ‘멋있다‘ can be interpreted in many different ways here. Like: confident, amazing, admirable, impressive, etc.)

When were you recently 'cool and doing well'? I think the rap I did for 'Stronger' is the rap that's the nicest to listen to and the best I've done thus far. Instead of thinking 'I have to be the best' I tried to do it comfortably (without much pressure). At that moment I was just talking with the director hyung, and through lots of discussions, the best (of me) came out so I'm very proud.

In the summer, you have to eat well. Is there any specific healthy food you eat? I really like buckwheat noodles so I eat it often. These days, our dorm auntie buys us a lot of samgyeopsal so we're eating well.

You have a very special vocal color even within SM's many talented singers. Which artist do you personally think has a charming vocal color? That's Michael Jackson. His voice is so diverse, it sounds very pure in some songs and in others it's incredibly powerful. I want to be like that. I also like the fairy tale feeling, but Michael Jackson can that too so I've liked him for a very long time.

Do you want to release your own songs someday? I've been writing and composing songs for a long time, but there are many things I'm worried about. There's this fear of making new things... But I'm working very hard on it so maybe I can show it someday in the future?

You're known for your quick wit. So far, as album titles, you've had <We Young>, <We Boom>, <We Go Up>. If you were to describe today's photoshoot with 'We ____' what would it be? 'We are'. Our existence. Us

JAEMIN

Do you often dream when you sleep? I'm not the type that dreams often. But when I do dream I often getting chased (laughs)

What do you think of when you hear the word 'dream'? I quite literally think of dreams and hope because it's our aspiration as a group to bring healing and dreams.

Your slogan is 'Yo Dream, let's be dope, fighting!'. When do you think your team is the best? Our team is the best when every member carries the team. (laughs) When someone does something wrong, you'll get in trouble. There are times when we're really united, whenever we're tired and want to finish the practice quickly or when someone makes a mistake. Because we all carry (the team) we can sense each other fast. Once you fall out there's no way to get out.

What's the thing that changed the most in the three years since you debuted? In the past, when I was dancing or performing, I was always busy looking for the camera and was focused on not making any mistakes but these days I'm more relaxed. I'm able to change my performance depending on the stage and it's more fun like that.

How did the members change? The team didn't change that much. (laughs). We're exactly the same as we were from the start. But if I had to pick something, it's that we've grown closer to each other even more.

You made your debut when you were young. It seems like this album shows the growth of NCT DREAM. We watched unreleased videos of Jisung that were taken when he was still in the 5th grade. We hadn't realized how much we've grown. But we do when we look at pictures or videos. When we see Jisung we often say "He has become a dragon" [meaning he has grown/became successful] (laughs). He really has grown up well. He was really young and was really like a kid.... But he's still the same on the inside, his taste in food is the same, his 'poop' hands are still the same... nothing has changed.

What do you think about the color (image) of NCT DREAM that's changing? During 'Chewing Gum' we bounced around with our baby fat and we definitely had a lot of youthful spirits, but now there are more mature members and you will be able to see our mature side. If the former was a clean white color, it would now be a gray tone.

Do you like that color? I like how we are now. Because it's hard for us to keep up the feeling 'Chewing Gum' had.

What is the practice room to you? It's a place where you can express really good energy. The idea of getting out of there give a lot of motivation. It's basically a place where we can develop our skills, so it's a place we need.

How is the atmosphere during practices? We're very serious during practice. But if when you're serious for too long, you can get tired very quickly so it's a relief we can't stay serious for too long (laughs). Even when we're serious, there's always someone to pops up and breaks the mood. It's a style that allows us to be full with energy.

You’ve just turned 20. How do you wish to spend your 20s? I've only been in my 20s for half a year... Honestly, I don't even see myself as an adult. I think you should be in your 30~40s to an adult. If my mom saw me, wouldn't she still see me as a baby? If you imagine your 20s, you may want to go on a trip or have time alone. However, my job is to be a singer and I want to improve my skills.

What is your biggest pride as an NCT DREAM member? We can challenge anything since we're still young. No one can break us down... right? (laughs)

Is the legend that you were cast while volunteering true? I was cast when I was volunteering at a festival where I was handing out flyers. It was over and I was about to leave when I woman started talking to me (laughs). So I thought it was an insurance company and tried to avoid her but she said she was from SM. I asked my mother what SM was and she said it was a good company.. It was cast like that. My mom told anything her son wanted to do he can do.

Is it your parent's influence that made you kind-hearted? I was influenced by my mother a lot. I don't know if it's because I'm like my mother or if it's because of my parents' affectionate care for me that made me have a lot of affection for people. I like people a lot. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

You might get hurt without the intention (by someone) I've only lived for 20 years but since I've lived like that for 20 years, I can't change it. It's in my nature to love people so much. If I were to change that I would have 2 faces. I don't like that. 

Like in 'We Go Up' you're mainly in charge of the powerful rap openings. What do you most focus on, on stage? Since we do it live, there are a lot more things to pay attention to than it might seem. Basically, while I'm looking for the camera, unlike a recording, there are many things to think about. I keep practicing so hard but the voice I want to come out doesn't (come out at the live performance). So I focus on practicing to be able to do as much as I can do on a stage as I do during a recording.  I'm someone who will always keep moving during the practice like it's a real stage.

Earlier you seemed interested in the shoots of the other members, you seem to be good with machines. Aren't you interested in photography? I have a lot of interest in computers and cameras. I've very much interest in programs like that too. I want to try to work with various programs like Photoshop, Premiere, Final cut etc.

Is there anything you want to create? Yes, I'm making something right now. I'm composing and writing a song alone, just as a hobby, on Ableton and I upload pictures I take of the members in Photoshop and Lightroom. Taking pictures of the members it the most fun

NCT is showing a lot of various content on VLIVE and on NCT's YouTube channel. What is the secret to having fun? You’ve hosted [your vlives etc] and organized [stuff]. Organising? Our kids would never organise/clean up (laughs). There’s no secret to having fun If you're excited alone at the start, all the other members will get more excited at some point too, that's when I calm down and try to balance is out. I think the combination of the members is important.

What is the charming point of the various content? Unlimited fans can enter and we can communicate in real-time. I think the biggest advantage is that it can be seen from all over the world. 

Out of the concepts that NCT DREAM has done so far which one do you think suits you the most? I think has to be ‘We Go Up’. I really liked the pink hair. With that hair I looked pretty even when I wasn’t wearing any make up. (laughs)

If you were to challenge something new what would it be? At 23. Or 24 maybe, something sexy? (laughs) I want to try something like EXO hyungs ‘Love Shot’. It was really cool. Also I’d like to try out acting. Living as other people feels interesting.

Because the team’s name is ‘Dream’ you often sing lyrics about dreaming. Dream. What does it mean to you? My dream was to travel around the world with my mom and building a house. I like traveling alone especially. When I look at travel pics on SNS I want to go there before I even know where it is.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that you’ve turned 20 with your team who you’ve met in your childhood times. I’m realising that I’m growing up with my team. More than anything it’s amazing how inseparable we’ve become now.

If you were to congratulate NCT DREAM on the soon approaching 3 Year Anniversary? Congratulations. It’s been 3 years. Now it’s only 7 years until we turn 10 so let’s run even stronger.

CHENLE

Is there any childhood dream you had that came true? There’s exactly 2 and first of them is becoming a singer. And the other one was just simply dyeing my hair for once. I came here and made my wish come true. Ever since debut I haven’t had black hair, I really like that. I want to keep dyeing my hair. (laugs)

What does the word ‘dream’ remind you of? A feeling full of young and powerful energy. 

Soon it will be 3 years since your debut. What has changed during those 3 years? My height and the baby fat on my face has been lost I think. I’ve grown up a lot. At first I was barely 170cm but now I’ve grown to as much as 178cm. Our team grows a little bit with each comeback. We all progress skill wise, our faces become more mature and our thoughts get deeper too I think.

You were riding hoverboards when you debuted, right? Is there anyone who still rides the hoverboard? If you pick up a license would you keep riding it? I want to, it’s really cool. I think that riding a board on a long distance would be really wicked. Also I think if you ride a hoverboard while on the stage it gives you an advantage. Because you’re riding a board instead of walking your legs don’t hurt.

What does it mean for you to turn 20 years old? I always thought it’s important when you turn 20 because you’re an adult then, but last year when Mark hyung became an adult I saw no change, hyung is still cute now. (laughs)

What kind of an adult do you wish to become? An adult who can attend a company get-together properly. (laughs) After SMTOWN concert is finished we have company dinners. Other artists are having a good time but me and Jisung just drink cola or sprite and have to leave early which is a shame. Also when I become an adult I’ll be able to do activities after 10PM which I think would be nice. Everyday I can only do so much until 10PM and it’s a bummer, I want to do more.

Music videos are important to watch for all fans all over the world, with what kind of mindset were you filming ‘Boom’ MV? There’s nothing in particular. I just had to make it cool, other than that there wasn’t anything. When I saw the result I liked it very much. I was satisfied. (laughs) I was shooting it thinking that we have to show the fans a grown up image of us. A cute side, a cool side, I wanted to showcase various sides of us.

When you’re young there’s a lot of people you envy, what do you think is your weakness? There are people who look at me like I’m a baby. Of course if you follow the looks I could be a baby but… (laughs) I don’t think I am, but since they see me as a kid…

Various personalities being in harmony is the team's charm, what do you think is the colour you’re personally in charge? Still in charge of being cute it seems. Instead of doing aegyo on purpose I’m the cutest when I’m just being a free Chenle I think. (laughs) Jisung can’t do aegyo either but sometimes he’s cute when he does little things. It’s hard to explain but he’s similar to me there usually just is a cute feeling. Haechan hyung and Jaemin hyung are the true masters of aegyo.

You grew up in Shanghai. Do you have any memories from around that time? Traveling with my mom whenever there was a break. I like traveling with my mom, Hainan was really nice. Especially in winter when it’s warm so you can go there even if it’s cold, it’s nice to go in the summer too. The seafood is really tasty too.

When watching you on youtube it feels like you’re progressing in Korean everyday. It must’ve been hard. I think learning a language is one of the hardest things. But I think you can do everything if you got the courage. At first when I was learning Korean I was talking to Jisung a lot and that really became a huge help to me. I’d say whatever and because me and Jisung were close he’d just know what I was trying to say. He’d tell me if I was wrong and that way I’ve improved so much. Jisung was my Korean teacher and Renjun hyung was always good at Korean so he translated for me. If I didn’t know something I’d just ask hyung and then I’d practice with Jisung… (laughs) When it comes to languages people around you are really important I feel. 

You’re the member with a beautiful voice tone, what kind of a vocalist would you like to become? I want to make people feel comfortable when they listen to me sing, I’d like to heal. In the bridge part of Boom the lyrics have a feeling of growth, how does it feel when you sing it? I wanted to tell our fans how much I’ve grown and I just sing it like that. 

JISUNG

Is there any childhood dream you had that came true? Debuting. Then when I debuted conquering the world through performances and having half of the world know my or my team's name became my next dream and I’m going to work even harder to make it come true.

What does the word ‘dream’ remind you of? Hope.

What’s your favourite thing about <Boom>? I like the lyrics. More than anything they capture our growth so that’s what I like. Especially in ‘Boom’, ‘The dancing child with an innocent face now smiles and sets your heart on fire’ is a part that I like the most.

You have tried participating in the lyric writing process this time. With what kind of mindset and what did you write about? I took part in writing lyrics for ‘Bye My First’ and ‘Best Friend’. As usual I kept trying my best. Since it’s our album we had to write lyrics that are relatable, and it’s also more comfortable for us to sing later on. Since I’ve never been in love I was imagining a drama in my head while writing the lyrics. Usually, I take a lot of notes on my phone too.

You’ve already established yourself as a member who’s great at dancing, but in this album your vocals have a greater presence. What were you trying to showcase? To be honest from a long time ago I have had the greed (to sing) so I tried my absolute best. It was really nerve wrecking. It’s my first time doing so many vocal parts on an album. Before I’d focus on dancing only, but because I want to become an all-rounder artist that’s good at everything, lately I’ve been looking into rap, dancing and singing a lot.

Soon it will be 3 years since your debut. What has changed during those 3 years? First of all I’ve grown inside, but also changed on the outside a lot too I think, it feels like I’ve become a bit tougher.

When did you realise you’re tougher? I feel it in every situation. I think I was more self-centered back in the day, these days I’m a bit more mature. I’m trying to figure out what’s the right way to do things. 

You guys are such a cool team, seems like you must’ve spent a lot of time practicing, what’s the practice room like for Jisung? Like a research room. The practice room is where I am able to look into my dancing and singing, but if you look at the practice itself it’s also frustrating, like why isn’t my dancing improving? In that sense it’s stimulating me more to push myself to develop. Isn’t that the craving for success? (laughs)

NCT DREAM has debuted as the teenage team, what does being 20 mean? I think that the age really doesn’t matter. With age I think rather than listening to compliments you go with the mindset of just having to do well. 

What kind of a person do you want to become in the future? A hero who gives strength to many people, especially those who’ve been hurt. This really is who I want to be.

When you’re young there’s a lot of people you envy, what do you think is your weakness? I’m young so I can still be shaped, I think only our team has a colour that can still be shaped. A weakness of mine is that I haven’t experienced much so I’m easily swayed by words of other people.

What do you think about on the stage? When I get on the stage there’s nothing in particular I think of, I focus on the stage only. If I had different thoughts come up it’s like the performance is over. If the stage isn’t satisfying then it’s not as good as I thought it would be, I don’t think about anything other than that.

You’ve been dancing solo a lot before, what points do you take into consideration? The dynamics. The mood of the solo dance is always changing. So if the group dance is strong and the solo dance is strong as well, I think there’s no balance. If it has to be intense then it shouldn’t be similar. 

NCT DREAM has of course done stages with multiple people like ‘Black on Black’. How is that different in terms of dancing? When I’m dancing alone I get to think of the song vibe, the rhythm and expressions but when it’s a team dance there’s of course a lot more talking involved I think. We share our thoughts with each other a lot. Solo dance looks cool but with numerous people knife-sharp choreographies it’s really impressive too. I always try to stand out on stage. Not just me, all of our members.

In that case what’s the secret (to stand out)? It’s the hair. (laughs) You can’t move your fingers the way you move your hair, for me I think the hair really is the charming point. It’s so beautiful and soft. We have bones in our bodies so we can’t help the angles, but when the hair just moves with the flow of the air it’s really beautiful.

Do you have a dance role model? I don’t think we should just pick that one person and try to become like them because there’s so many people who are good. Whenever I look at Kai hyung he’s always admirable and it makes me self reflect a lot too. One day I’d like for people to think of me as the dance god, the end of dancing. I’ll have to practice a lot.

What dance are you into lately? Before I was only into strong dances and these days I like strong too but when stretching I’m trying to adjust the balance dynamics a lot. It’s not about the difference in strength but the difference between lines.

September is the start of Autumn, is there a season you like? I like them all but I kinda hate summer a little, there’s too many bugs at this time. 

What are you thinking about a lot these days? Fans liking this album a lot. I think a lot about having to do even better next time and repaying them the most.

Translation: Alex, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Allure Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[doof-doofblog]

"That Is My Boy!"

Monday 26th October 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope you all had a brilliant weekend, I apologise for this post being late, tonight I will covering yesterday's episode and tomorrow will follow tonight's episode. Last week ended on such a big cliff-hanger, I'm looking forward to what this week has in store. I'm not going to waste any of your time, let's jump right into it!

The episode starts with Sonia receiving a brand new car from a supposed patient she treated in hospital with Covid-19! Quite interesting really, I mean, its a lovely gesture, but possibly something someone wouldn't be able to accept? Or unless this is going to be a new storyline for Sonia? Is this Coronavirus patient going to be a stalker perhaps? What do you guys think? Over the road, Denise is looking out the window in amazement of Sonia's new car, as she smiles Jack joins her in the living room. She attempts to approach the Raymond situation gently, she asks very politely of him whether it's worth her moving back in with Patrick or whether she'll have permission to set up a bed for Raymond. Denise has always said she wants to bring up Raymond with Jack and be a proper family. I do kind of wish Jack would be more supportive of his girlfriend. He seems distracted by Amy's attitude and her homework as Denise is trying to have a quiet word with him.

At the police station, DI Thompson is having words with Callum. At first I thought he was giving him more information on Ellie Nixon, explaining that there were 4 Nixon properties. However, as the conversation goes on, DI Thompson still seems more interested in getting Phil behind bars. It looks as if he's informing Callum about a scam of drugs, if they plant it and Phil goes to recover it, they could catch him? At least, that's what I make out from that discussion. But I might've got that wrong. Why would Phil go to a building which had drugs in it? For money? Possibly! But whatever their scam seems to be, he informs Callum that it'll be happening today!! Does anyone else think that Callum is in too deep? I think he's found himself caught in something that he really can't get out of. I do hope, in time, he'll find a way around it and get DI Thompson in trouble instead!

Meanwhile, at the Cafe, Linda bumps into Max. They haven't been seen together since Max apologised to Linda for kissing her. As they make small talk about her spending the day with Mick, Bobby rushes in with a handful of flyers, advertising his charity - The Lucy Beale Foundation. He announces that they're putting up an award. Both Linda and Max praise Bobby for everything he's doing for his deceased sister. Kathy agrees to take some and Max even offers to take some for the restaurant. As Bobby leaves, Kathy asks Linda whether Mick has found work yet. Linda is quick to defend her husband, explaining that it's really hard at the moment and they're coping okay on her wage. It's then Max also offers her the job to work in the restaurant if she needs the extra money, but before she can answer, Mick appears. He can only act civil towards Max after learning about him making a move on his wife.

Outside in the gardens, Keegan is sat on young Dennis's bench looking after Mack and Mia. Both the children appear to be missing their Grandad, and Keegan very gently explains to them that he's gone back to work, probably in a way of helping him cope with his daughter's death. Across the Square, Gray is sat outside his house with Shirley, watching his children play. They discussing Gray going back to work, she suggests to him it might do him the world of good and give him something to focus on. Gray still admits he still doesn't feel ready, but maybe Shirley will be able to persuade him? As they chat, excited screams and cheers can be heard from across the Square and Sonia reveals herself in a brand new car as she drives around the Square. Shirley and Gray look amazed and can't understand how Sonia can afford such a luxurious car.

Meanwhile at the Mitchell household, Callum informs Ben and Phil about the plan to raid 4 of the Nixon properties. Ah right so it makes more sense now, Phil is to plant drugs in one of the properties and Ellie will never find out which one. He promises Phil that no more will be said about it and it'll be the only way they'll be able to get Raymond back. Phil is to meet them there at 3pm and go along with the plan. However, something tells me this is going to bite Phil right in the bum! I have a horrible horrible feeling that as soon as he has Raymond safe, DI Thompson is going to arrest him for planting the drugs, to which Phil will realise it's all been a set up and he'll lose trust in Callum completely - Ben also will struggling to come to terms with the fact that his boyfriend shopped his Dad to the police. As this conversation continues, Phil is thankful towards Callum and even informs him that he'll never be able to thank him enough, he won't forget what he's done for his family, even stating that he actually belongs in the family now!

Back at the Cafe, Stacey finds Kheerat after their night of passion. Stacey is still quite flirtatious as she confirms to him that the previous night they spent together was nice. However, she isn't looking for a relationship right now, and it would seem that neither is Kheerat. As they chat, Kheerat gets onto the subject of Ruby, he recalls Stacey being out for revenge last night, and it seems that after their chat, she knows he's said some words which have played on her mind. She makes the brilliant point that she's not going anywhere and she's in for playing the long game. It's then that Kheerat mentions he might be able to help her out. What could he possibly do or offer to help Stacey?!

Back at the Mitchell household, Callum is quite clearly a nervous wreck, he spills milk as Ben approaches him from behind. Even though Ben is grateful for everything his boyfriend has done for his Dad and his family, he can't shake the feeling of concern for his boyfriend. He states the fact that he has broken so many rules when it's come to helping them and Ben is refusing to let it affect his boyfriends career. Even if he didn't want him to join the police in the first place, he doesn't want his sacrifices to potentially ruin his career. Ben is clearly being the supportive partner, to me - it looks like the roles have reversed, Ben is thankful to his partner but not wanting him to be in any trouble and yet Callum is all caught up in a web of lies. I REALLY don't see how Callum can go through with this, I'm kind of scared to watch!

Back on the Square, Linda is gently approaching the subject of working a shift for Max to Mick. She insists that if he doesn't want her to work it, then she won't, only it would be good for the money. Mick has been really off with his wife lately, speaking to her in awful ways and pushing her aside, he literally instructs her to do the shift. From across the Square, Tina sees her brother and sister-in-law and happens to mention Frankie and the fact that she just walked off without a word. Linda volunteers Mick to work the shift for her, but Mick is less than impressed and informs his wife that he'll look for a job when he wants to! Linda attempts to fight her corner saying that she was doing it for Tina, but Mick throws in the insult about working a shift for his wife during the times she was drunk. Tina overhears and is shocked at Mick's outburst, Linda is visibly hurt by her husbands words and as he walks away, she makes the phone call to Max and informs him she'll be ready whenever he wants her.

Meanwhile, at the salon, Jack appears to be looking for Denise. Mitch informs him that Denise has gone shopping, I'm assuming to buy stuff for Raymond, ready for his arrival. As they chat, Jack gives his condolences to Mitch and mentions that he understands what he's going through, as he went through the exact same thing when Ronnie passed away. But before he can make an exit, Mitch can see that there's something troubling the family man, he insists he sits and they talk. Jack admits that the main thing that is concerning him is Amy and her behaviour, he panics that she could be turning into her Mum, Roxy. Which in all serious, isn't a bad thing! Roxy was an incredible woman who stood up for what she believed in! I feel it's been nice that the Mitchell sisters have been mentioned, makes me realise how much I miss them in the soap. They were truly iconic characters. If Amy was to be a follow-up Roxy then I wouldn't mind. But I think Jack needs to realise that Amy is becoming of age now and she can decide she can be whoever she wants to be. Okay, she might make some mistakes, but children need to learn from their mistakes, right?! I think maybe Jack is being a little over protective, or am I seeing it differently?! What do you guys think?

Returning to the Cafe - we've been here a lot this episode - Ben finds his Dad and confides in him that Callum could lose his job for everything he's done for them. It's obvious that Phil has complete faith in Callum and he informs his son that he would do exactly the same for Ben if it was him. He completely stands by the fact that he's doing this for his son! Ben warns his Dad that after today, he doesn't him asking Callum anymore favours where he could get into trouble.

At the restaurant, Linda is busy working her shift for Max. Bobby is also helping out as Sharon pops in to apologise for leaving him in the lurch the other day when she received Bobby's belongings. Bobby is completely sympathetic and understands to which she responds with how she can help with his Lucy Beale Foundation, its then the young teenager reveals he wishes both she and Max be trustees for the charity. They are both deeply honoured and agree to the roles, Sharon asks whether Ian has been made aware of his choices but Bobby admits that the news would be better coming from her. Something tells me that Ian will be okay with Sharon, but not specifically Max. Suddenly Linda appears and she's delighted to see her friend ... It's blatantly obvious that Linda is all dressed up for Max, even Sharon compliments her dress and new make-up. Max even offers her a full-time job at the restaurant which Linda politely declines ... or actually shall I say, she flirts with him and states that he can't afford her! To be honest, the way Mick has been treating her lately, I'm not surprised she's slowly falling into Max's arms!

At the Carter flat, Tina confronts her brother, she knows there's something bothering him. He's even acting cold towards her, stating he needs her spare keys back. He's ignoring everything she's saying and instructs her to leave them on the table. Tina is pushing for answers, acknowledging that he's pushing everyone around him away. She pleads to her brother to let her in, she tries to rejog his memory, mentioning how awful it felt when his son wouldn't tell them all about his depression, and also when Linda was suffering with her alcohol addiction, he was the supportive Dad and Husband! Mick knows that his sister is speaking the truth and its like he holds on to every word. He asks her whether she means what she says about him being a great Dad, and Tina is just stunned to hear him even ask that question!

The next scene shows Ellie entering the Arches, she appears to be ready and waiting for Phil to give her the money. However, Phil then informs her that she isn't getting a penny from him, during this scene I feel like cheering at the TV! It's great seeing Phil put someone in their place and not being able to worm their way out of it! He confronts Ellie with all the information he knows about her multiple properties and how awful it would be if something was to be found there. Ellie looks fearful and angry, she knows he is up to something. Suddenly her phone rings and it looks like someone is giving her unfortunate news, it's then that Ritchie makes herself known and confirms that if she just signs the document, it will be known that both Mr Mitchell and Ms Fox did not kidnap their own child and indeed instead signed over! Ellie is less than impressed as Phil offers her a pen!

Back at home, Denise comes home to find Jack sat quietly on the sofa. Is it possible that his conversation with Mitch has been playing over and over in his mind. He tells Denise that since Ronnie passed away, he's never been able to talk to someone or trust someone as much as he does with Denise. This scene is particularly upsetting, both Jack and Denise admit how much they love each other, but Jack informs her that she needs to look after Raymond and he needs to be there for Amy. I think it angers him how much Phil is involved, but he's come to realise that no matter what they do, Phil will always be involved, as he is Raymond biological father! They sadly agree to go their separate ways, for their children.

Meanwhile, Kheerat finds Suki in his office as he's accompanied by Stacey. Seriously, does anyone hate Suki as much as I do? She takes one look at Stacey as shouts "No!" - but it looks as if both Stacey and Kheerat know full well that Stacey has been given a job with them. Kheerat confirms that she starts the following morning, as she leaves, Suki makes the harsh dig that Chantelle wouldn't be happy. Kheerat warns his mother not to even cross that line! But then she turns the conversation to the Slaters again, stating that they could fit a few flats in that one house! Kheerat can see what his Mum is trying to say and is adamant that as soon as Stacey gets paid, she'll be able to pay the rent. But Suki warns that if they miss one single payment then they are out!!

Returning to the Carter household, Mick is finally reaching out to his daughter, Frankie, pondering over whether to send her a message or not, asking if she's okay. He eventually presses "Send!" The final scene on the Square is a very touching one, Denise walks onto the Square to see a car pulled up. She asks Ritchie whether Raymond knows who she is, and whether he's been told anything about his Nan. Ritchie confirms he doesn't and slowly this shy little boy walks towards her with a small suitcase. From across the Square, Phil is watching everything unfold as his son is finally reunited with his mother. Tears begin to fill his eyes as he watches his son from a distance. Denise crouches to the little boy's level and promises to take care of him. As he takes the young boy inside, Callum asks Phil whether everything is all done now, it's then Phil happens to say "For today!" - is he going to now fight for custody against Denise? I'd hate to see Phil and Denise fight over their boy after everything they've been through with Ellie together!

I didn't realise it, but it turns out that this episode was Ellie's last episode. I'm kind of feeling a bit disheartened as I was hoping to see more from her, I was expecting something really big like a custody battle that would go on for weeks/months! But I guess she played a good part while she was on the soap. However we never got to know much about her, other than she was dangerous, but why was she dangerous?! I'm sure there would've been so much more to her character! What do you guys think? Are you sad to see her leave or do you think her exit worked out well?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading, I'll be back tomorrow following up on tonight's episode! Enjoy the rest of your week folks! Love you all xXx

[frederator-studios]

Graham McTavish: The Frederator Interview

At the moment, Graham McTavish is in Malta getting his head torn off by a Werewolf. Jack Bauer once rammed a fire poker through his chest then slit his throat. He’s been set on fire, drowned, strangled, stabbed, speared, knifed, shot - not to mention, kneed in the balls, punched in the face, even slammed over the back with a log by an over-eager young performer. All in a day’s work for the Scottish actor, who’s played the baddest of baddies on a slew of excellent dramas-with-a-twist, from Preacher to Outlander, 24 to Castlevania. But Graham himself doesn’t view his characters as ‘villains’ - just passionate, complex people, of which Dracula (though he’d resent to be called “human”) is the embodiment. Read on for Graham’s take on playing one of literature’s most iconic, dangerous anti-heroes—from the relative safety of a recording studio.

Are you in LA long?

I’m flying out tonight actually, back to New Zealand. My kids are there, so I split my time. I’m doing Lucifer at the moment for Netflix as well as Castlevania, so I had to come back for a day, yesterday - I flew back just for that. (wow whaaa?) Yeah. I do a lot of traveling, but even for me that’s insane! It’s also unusual for the scheduling to work out perfectly, which it does the next few months. I have an episode gap now, then in October, I do a film in Malta, and the day that wraps, come back to LA to finish Lucifer, and the day after that, fly to Canada to do a film with Willem Dafoe about the Iditarod. I’ve got to learn how to mush a dog sled.

That’s awesome. It’s like getting sponsored to learn a cool obscure skill.

It’s definitely a nice side effect of being an actor. What other job would allow you to learn how to mush a dog sled, unless you were actually becoming a professional dog sled musher? It’ll be great.

How is it for you to switch between characters, with so little time between roles sometimes?

It really depends on your approach to acting. I approach from the point of view of a child. I have two young children, and the great thing about being that age, is they can switch from one thing to another in an instant. Very fluid. I think because I’ve never trained as an actor, I can see work as play. Some actors live as a cobbler for 5 years to play a cobbler, and that’s what works for them. Personally, I pretend. When I'm mushing dogs, I will give the illusion that I really know what I'm doing. That’s what acting is: an illusion that the audience willingly participates in. And everybody is complicit.

You didn’t have professional training?

No. I used to write comic sketches at school with a friend of mine, and we didn't trust anybody else to perform them, so we did. The Drama teacher at school asked me on many occasions to be in a play, but I always said no. Then on one occasion, he asked me to step into a play called “The Rivals” by Sheridan, filling in for an actor who’d fallen ill three days before the production was due to be performed. I said yes. To this day, I have no idea why I agreed. But I did the play, and was of course bitten by the acting bug.

After that, a local Dramatics company asked me to join them, so I did amateur theatre for a year. Then I attended Queen Mary College London University and majored in English literature. I was lucky enough to have a professor who loved Shakespeare and Jacobean drama, and he cast me in all of those plays. As an English Lit major, I was doing two or three Shakespeare plays a year, performing roles that I never would have been given if I'd been at Drama School. I'm not against it, but I don't think it's for everyone. I got my union card in Britain after doing a Beckett play, and then just started working professionally. I also did a lot of Repertory Theatre in the UK, which I think is a great training ground for actors. So it was all slightly accidental, the case with a lot of people.

How did you choose to play Dracula? What about that part compelled you?

I played him onstage once, a great experience. Dracula is the sort of character people love guiltily. If you get the opportunity to play that, it's a no-brainer. Just reading Bram Stoker’s book, your sympathy is with Dracula, in many ways. You live the story through him. It's such a wonderful ride to be playing a man whose been alive for hundreds and hundreds of years. Dracula plays to our secret desires, our secret fears. I think in all of us, there is a fascination with the idea of living forever. Fear of living forever, and fear of death; the Dracula myth plays on that edge. It’s so powerful because it takes something that we all have to face one day and says, what if you didn’t? But in gaining immortality, you lose something very important. Dracula is very enviable in some ways, but is also deeply sad and tragic.

How is it, playing tragic characters?

Among the few advantages of getting older is you have more life experience, including with tragedy. It’s inevitable. And you can draw on those memories. But you can also draw on your fears as well. I did a scene in Outlander, toward the end, where my brother is dying. I thought of my own father, and all the things I never said to him. Those emotions definitely informed that scene. When tragedy and death and loss touch your life, you carry those feelings into your future.

Are you an animation fan?

I love animation, I grew up with it. Along with books, it was my first experience of storytelling. Cartoons, as we called them; they fired my childhood imagination. It’s like how we were talking earlier, about children, and the profundity of animation to them. The first film I saw in a theatre was Walt Disney’s Peter Pan. I was five and had no question that those characters were real. To such an extent that when they took the posters down at the cinema, I got upset. I was like, “But where’s Peter? Where’s he gone?” Because I thought Peter lived in the cinema. I still get absorbed into great pieces of animation, when the artistry is powerful, and it’s part of my attraction to doing animated work. And this show, Castlevania, is particularly beautiful.

How were you introduced to the project, and did you have expectations going in?

I knew it was going to be great. I was recording Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when the Voice and Casting Director, Meredith Layne, pulled me aside. She said she was on a project and couldn’t tell me much, but she thought I’d be a fit, and would I like to be considered? Meredith has great taste, so I said “Of course” and sent in a tape. And when I heard that Warren Ellis was the writer, that was a huge attraction. I love his comic book work, and fiction as well. The Crooked Little Vein is one of my favorite books. Really, it couldn’t not be great, and the more I learned of the creative team behind it, the more sure I was. Everything put into the show - the casting, directing, producing, animation - elevates it so hugely above anything comparable. I love that it occupies this unique space.

What do you feel Castlevania’s Dracula uniquely brings to the character?

It’s his being human that makes it so interesting. When I portrayed Dracula onstage, there was no suggestion that that version of him felt love, or experienced empathy. But in this production, a woman, Lisa, takes him by surprise. She makes him feel, and turns his life around. I love that, because everybody can relate. You think your life is one way, then you meet someone who changes everything, opens your life up, makes you think about it differently - and makes it more enjoyable to be alive. And since Dracula is essentially dead, that irony is very clever.

Do you have a favorite representation of vampires in Media?

I'm a little biased, but I love the portrayal of Cassidy by Joe Gilgun in Preacher. It’s so unconventional. Herzog’s Nosferatu springs to mind, just incredible. Gary Oldman’s Dracula is wonderful. And I loved Let the Right One In, the original Swedish version. It’s genius. It took something familiar as a vampire story and gave it a whole new spin.

You work so much in the fantasy genre - is that purposeful?

Oh yeah. I love the variety. I've been a Viking, a Roman - twice - after always dreaming of playing one, I got to be one for a whole year. Growing up in the UK, you never imagine yourself getting to be a cowboy. On the first season of Preacher, there was a scene I rode into a western town: the whole duster coat with the Stetson guns, surrounded by horses and wagon trains, all the paraphernalia. I had to look cool and unbothered. I wanted to jump up and down in excitement. I was so, pathetically excited. I did a season of 24, and I’d been a huge fan. Every day I’d go up to the producers telling them I was a huge fan. After a while, they’d say, “Yeah, great, we get it. You like the show. You’re in it now, so if you could just be the character that’d be great.”

And I still get a pathetically childish enjoyment out of playing Dracula. What kid doesn’t want to play Dracula?! I once talked to Lance Henriksen, and he said one of the reasons he went into acting was to be thousands of people. You get to be a cowboy and a vampire and a dog musher and a Highlander in the 18th century and a dwarf in Middle Earth. I'd definitely rather do any of that than put on a suit and do a courtroom scene. Not that I wouldn’t! I’ve just never been asked. No one’s ever looked at me and said, “Let’s cast him as The Dad.”

Have you ever played a “Castlevania” game?

I am a terrible game player.

But, but - your voice is in like every game of the past decade!

Yes, I have done loads of video games. I did a franchise called “Uncharted”. Award-winning; incredibly popular. Never played them. I played one game years ago with my friend, called “Gears of War”. I was so bad at it. I'm the guy that shoots in a circle around his feet. I’m useless at them.

Your character's bad-assery makes up for it. Anything to say to fans of the show, in advance of season two?

I just really hope you enjoy it and get carried along with the story and and want to see more. That’s always the greatest thing, if you can get the fans to clamor for more ❀

Follow Graham on Twitter and Instagram

Thank you for the interview Graham! Without a doubt, you’re the kindest chronic bad guy I’ve come across. 

- Cooper ❀

(Craving another CV interview? Read Richard Armitage’s here.)

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, ROBYN! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Arthur Weasley. Your application was honestly a dream. I love, love, love how you expanded on how Arthur’s speech impediment affected his growth, and the man he’s become. The way you delve into his relationship with Molly, and with their children just allowed me to disappear into his character. I can’t wait to see where you take him from here.

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

name:

robyn

age:

21

pref pros:

she/her

timezone:

GMT (wales)

activity:

I’m working full time but other than that I should be around daily to interact.

how do you feel about your character dying?:

I’d be gutted because Arthur has already been dealt a bit of a shitty hand (what with everything in the Mols/Gid/Fab realm) but such is war and that’s this world.

anything else?:

WHERE’S MY WIFFEEEEEEEE :(( — jk he’s just suffering already :D

ic details.

full name:

Arthur Septimus Weasley

date of birth:

5th february 1950

former hogwarts house:

Ravenclaw - A boy who could be heard without words, who can command attention from his peers? tell me he’s not here to prove himself with his knowledge of other languages or pour himself into non-verbal magic to provide himself with a voice that can not be ignored. For an individual that has never been thoughtless, Hogwarts freed him from any social restraints he put on himself, the house of the curious facilitated the growth of that character, to ask questions where he felt things were unjust or provide an answer to those that challenged him. It leads perfectly into his role within the Ministry as he attempted to introduce legislature to protect and normalise muggle culture.

(I have always been irritated at the trope-y excuses for the Weasley’s being Gryffindors,Art screams Ravenclaw to me, lemme know what you think)

sexuality:

heterosexual

gender/pronouns:

cis male, he/him

face claim change:

i’m happy with sam if you are

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Art is that guy that you turn to when you need someone to hear you out or have a be with. He’s a rock because he has his world laid ahead of him, his marriage is absolutely water tight and his children are the light of his life. Shake that up and you’ve shaken his core sense of stability. With Molly gone… He’s lost in the hope for her to come back to them all, to their children, to him.

Therefore his strengths look like:

Homemaker/Comforter: He and Mol built the Burrow for themselves before the children were even a whisper in their subconscious, and now he strives for the familiarity and comfort that his home gave even strangers. Godric’s Hollow is a taboo place, in a horrendous situation, but Arthur turns the dingiest corners into little nooks for the boys or respite for those around them all. Hopefully everyone benefits from smaller icons of what home could be and where it could be found again.

Defender: Arthur’s decision to join the Order was not only to protect the ones he holds dearest, but those that need help. He is no pawn to be played with and whilst he feels he has made the biggest mistake by not taking his children and wife and leaving, Arthur knows Molly will come back to him. His knowledge in defensive magic will grow broader as he seeks to understand the darker twists and turns of runic magic and strengthening wand-less charms and hexes for the purpose of duelling. What else could he do with the time where the kids are asleep?

And his weaknesses look like:

Sightless: People may’ve picked up on the speech impediment, something he’s navigated for years but he’s currently blinded. Not physically of course, but things have occurred and who knows what is happening to those missing. Arthur is a certified knot of chaos, and is only just realising that it’s detrimental to his and his children’s safety. He’s too caught in what was and cannot accept a future without his wife and friends. It’s a lot for everyone right now, but he cannot drag himself from the searing pain of what looks to be the future. Unlike others, Arthur is finding it incredibly difficult to move forwards without his stabilising people. To have lost his brother-in-law, and not know whether his other brother-in-law, and wife, has annihilated any sense of security.  

Unamenable: In the sense that he hates the pity that others cast him whilst desperately requiring the support he needs for his own wellbeing and that of his children. It’s something that he needs to get over yesterday in order to survive as a parent, it isn’t weak to accept the criticism of those around him.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

His blood runs cold when he can’t see all of his children. Every morning he wakes up and forgets in those two seconds that Molly isn’t going to be soft under his arms, he’s content, but then he remembers. Arthur has stopped being the warm, inviting, individual that he was once acclaimed, and is now succinct with a worn nod or an obligated line of a smile. Opening up to the new people he’s put in close proximity with isn’t his game, and instead of offering stories to lighten the mood, he listens to everyone and everything he can. He observes more so now than ever and people can assume it’s because he has a speech impediment or that he’s grief stricken because his family are missing or because he’s preoccupied with his children. Arthur isn’t at Godric’s Hollow out of choice, he’s there because he couldn’t think of a better place to be with his children. He’s incredibly thankful but doesn’t trust people’s intentions, Arthur is aware that he can be used a tool in the machine and is biding his time until someone calls upon him.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? why?

Arthur’s as conflicted as most. Stay in the quiet with the boys and lay low, stay protected where flicks of ginger haired aren’t sought out to match their mother’s. Yet there’s a fire in him that yearns to fight and flicker from the ashes and embers, to go and fight for Molly. And he so bitterly finds himself wishing that they would’ve waited longer for the children’s sake because if there were no children they could’ve fought harder at the immediate. She wouldn’t have been lost. He shouldn’t have been a coward and told her to go alone… He’s a mass dichotomy, no one move seems to have a balanced return, he always seems to lose.

It’ll take time but he will realise that he needs to listen to his gut and fight forwards, to set an example that good does prevail when it’s smart and strong enough. For now, they’re all exhausted and Arthur’s very much caught in that state of mind also.

With Molly missing, how is Arthur managing taking care of his children and continuing to be a part of the Order? Does he feel like he should remain a part of the Order?

He knows that he has obligations to the Order because after all, they are housing his children, using resources that should be reserved for those that are actively fighting. However, they accepted that strain and he will serve as best as he can. Currently Arthur is attempting to school his children with what books are littered through Godric’s Hollow and provide structure and normalcy where there seems to be none.

Art knows the Order need people who are dedicated to lose their lives for this, for others, and more importantly for the future, but he just isn’t sure if that is something that he can actively promise or provide to any degree.

Although he continues to read and further his skills to the point where he either decides to move the children and fight with the Order or leave Godric’s Hollow and take off with them.

extra.

here you can list or add any extras you created to get a sense of this character. that can include graphics, writing samples, mock blogs, etc. apps that have extras won’t have an advantage over apps that don’t, although it can help me further understand your grasp of the character.

00/00/52 Molly

05/02/50 Arthur

29/11/70 Bill

12/12/72 Charlie

22/08/76 Percy

01/04/78 George

01/04/78 Fred

01/03/80 Ron

11/08/81 Ginny

_________________________________________________________________

“Do not listen with the intent to reply. But with the intent to understand.”

Fingertips pressed to the tip of his thumb, orderly and silent within his pocket. Listen, watch, observe Arthur, it’s the fastest track to becoming a wiser man. Advice from his father, a stoic, genius of a man. He’s taught Arthur secrets about morality and how to keep his tongue in his head before he had even considered the evils of the world. It was priceless information to have instilled into you at a younger age - especially with the Weasley name carrying blood traitor status.

However it took a time for everyone to realise that words were caught struggling to tumble from his mouth, tripping on his tongue. Fighting their way through monetary issues meant that Cedrella and Septimus Weasley were incredibly busy people whilst Arthur was younger. Both working tirelessly in order to make ends meet, and of course they did, but at the extent of Arthur never really being able to realise the frustrations of having a speech impediment until he took interest in attempting to say new words at the age of five. He should’ve been talking for longer than that but it was a combination of being busy and Arthur naturally being quiet that allowed his disability to go unrecognised.

And so began the speech therapy with a diagnosis for developmental verbal dyspraxia. His speech went from incorrect stresses to monotone, breath control allowed Art to imagine the music he had heard and loved so dearly and breathe to it, suddenly he was starting to flourish. In the meantime, he was introduced to sign language in the therapist’s waiting room, and of course he was intrigued. Talking without words? It seemed like the ultimate solution and so he delved into books and taught himself to sign in the mirror. He wasn’t fluent with expressions and developing a less mechanical place until he made friends with a few deaf children. They filled the gaps in his knowledge and he was a new friend for them to play with. It was exactly what he needed to realise that he could manage without clear language, that he could make others hear him. And these children were muggle, without magic to aid their communication.

Arthur was so excited to be surrounded in magic that he started reading the texts at the age of ten, the anticipation made him nervous beyond belief, knowing that incantations would be his fall. Instead he read the theory of the magic, practising the movements and prayed that by the time he got to Hogwarts, he would just need time to breathe through the incantations. Thankfully he was sorted into Ravenclaw, a house that fed his traits of listening but nurtured the need to ask questions, he began to reach out to his peers and ask more. And they listened, sometimes baffled by his lack of intonation, sometimes reaching out to sign themselves, it was a house of curiosity and endless questions so of course Arthur was forced to be more communicative.

Whilst it wasn’t a cure all, it was what he needed to develop into the individual that would speak out against what he thought was wrong and stand strongly for what he believed to be right.

__________________________________________________________________

“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.”

“RAVENCLAW!”

Red hair felt out of place on the Ravenclaw table. Warmed by a firm hand on the shoulder, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked at the faces beaming at one another, wondering what the first years might bring to the house. His quiet at the table was easily accepted and ears tentatively picking up names and hobbies. As he turned in his bed, his stomach was full of dread at the realisation of the title to live up to - the innovators and path makers. Arthur swallowed the fear of inadequacy as he rolled again, restlessness was a new thing to one so young.

It was only a week before another signed hello to him, something he hadn’t even clocked as he returned the gesture but was immediately dumbfounded as it came to the front of his mind. It earned a grin from across the room and finally he was settled in his new home, with others hungry to learn from their peers and fill gaps in their familiarity. Despite it turning out that the other thought he was deaf, Art still greatly appreciated the act of kindness, and it instilled in him to give time to others. He hadn’t tried that hard with those around him since he had been surrounded by kids at speech therapy, but this pushed him.

A mention of a charms club had him asking questions to a fifth year student who laughed at him but shrugged and jotted down the directions to a second floor classroom. His magic had never thrived more than when charged with excitement, and Art was soon to be questioned on how he was so proficient. Why was he so proficient? And so his slow explanation was spoken aloud, a rarity to the 11 year old, but others heard him and laughed, wondering if he was going to do their homework for him.

Ravenclaw is his spiritual home. It nurtured him not only with knowledge, but with opportunity. It gifted him the bollocks to ask Molly out. Ravenclaw bequeathed him the strength to shrug off ridiculous name calling and sneers about his sympathy towards non-magical possessing individuals. His core was absolute and clad with the experiences that he held dearest, to support and nurture. To defend. To listen, to learn before marching blindly. Arthur’s morality was furthered in Ravenclaw, it wasn’t borne in the house, but it was watered to full blossom. No longer a seed under fresh soil, but a sunflower tall and looking for light where seemed little.

__________________________________________________________________

“Eos ipsos defendere non possunt defendamus”

(Let us defend those who are unable to defend themselves)

Arthur fell in love with Molly. Molly fell in love with Arthur. Everyone knew that was the story, they could see it in the fond glances and touches that lingered, savouring one another. They were the couple that you almost couldn’t imagine not being together, complete yin and yang. One was burned hot and vibrant where the other ran cool and calm, pacing was better for the both of them as the realised how well the other benefited their lives.

People didn’t see the arguments about having children immediately or wanting to travel or the small pause that happened just after they bought the Burrow. It wasn’t for people to see. They certainly didn’t see the months long conversation about joining the Order or what it would do to their family. What it would do to them and for what? A cause?

“Protecting who at what cause?!”

It made sense now.

But of course there was a part to the yin and yang that absolutely reassured Arthur everyday he woke up. Because for over a decade he had given to loving Molly Prewett, he had received her love back, he was now a piece of her. He would know if she had died. He had to know. It wasn’t fabled that people collapsed out of the blue despite not knowing their significant other had passed. It couldn’t have been. He would hold Ginevra in his arms every night whispering promises of returning her to her mother, of offering the comfort of her touch, and there were nights when his daughter was his only comfort whilst he sobbed alone, defeated and exhausted.

“Children! Families! People with those to lose!”

The memory of the argument alone made him stoic and calmed his fears as much as it screamed his guilt in silent moments of thought. An odd juxtaposition but he was as determined as he was when the words had left his lips. All of them had but one goal to move through this. They would find her, because that was what they were all here to do - what they had to do.

__________________________________________________________________

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.”

Charlie. Percy. Fred. George. Ron. Where’s the baby?! WHERE’S T- Ginny.

Morning mantras were never reminding yourself that your children were alive and surrounding you, they were the eggs and bacon?

Or porridge?

No, Dad! I want toast.

It wasn’t always a tightened chest when he heard a clatter of locks changing whilst his children played across the room from him, an instant flash of hands to check that they were all aware to be respectful of those around them. He had never quietened their noise as he did so now… Not that they were louder than most’s speaking level. It still was unnatural to see his eldest pick up the younger ones when Arthur moved in front of them when somebody unexpected entered the room.

Watching his children grow up aware that they were all targets. Now that was stomach churning, to see their fight or flight in real time instead of in tag or when they were scared because they’d broken a glass.

Art was exhausting his imagination in order to provide fun alternatives for them to play or take their minds away from the cold reality. They were now learning how to write their wishes and new words and spells. Art was worried for his children getting to an age where they needed proper magical tuition, whether they would leave for Hogwarts as Bill had, how would they channel their magic initially without wands. Could he guide them through that?

What would Molly do?

His heart burned for his eldest son. He just wasn’t enough for everyone and that was the problem, wasn’t it? Arthur felt like he was letting his boy down by leaving him away from the rest of his siblings but it was the safest place for him. Perhaps safer than his siblings. It was the question that wracked his head - should he collect Bill from Hogwarts so that he was safe with everyone? How could he protect him when he was miles away? Would he be able to protect another child, especially one so desperate to protect his siblings… Molly would be so irritated at that thought. Or maybe she would be furious that he still waited, that he hadn’t taken them already. His mind buzzed light the air in a storm, but at least his words weren’t yet electric and sharp to others. Instead he exhaled and shook out the distress, heaving sighs in hopes of removing the weight crushing his chest.

Self doubt was an evil bastard and he was consumed with the what-ifs and the when’s instead of the right-here’s and the nows.

DAD!!!!

He had been waiting for it. Percy was writing letters to his grandmother when Charlie had stolen a rubber band and thwacked it across the room, hitting his brother on the side of the head. Arthur stifled a laugh whilst he watched Molly take a rather purposeful sip of tea to hide her smile before correcting the behaviour.

Dad?

Art blinked, staring at a frowning George, tuning back into the room. His son had been so hesitant, the boys were very patient with both him and Ginny in the absence of their mother. They wanted home as much as he did, but at least their space was slowly becoming more comfortable and their drawings were brightening Godric’s Hollow as small gifts to the others that sat and read stories with them all. He just hoped that this wouldn’t become their usual and he could return to the home he had made for his family.

__________________________________________________________________

AFTER THOUGHT:

(Muse is something that develops in scenario for me personally and I am stoked for the plot of this RP to reinvent the Arthur I’ve written for years. Hence how face value the answers are, but hit me up if you want more drabble or to further move through the points, I just want the chance to do this organically through interaction.)

[kuuderekun]

Magical Girl Site, Transgender Representation and The Batman Question.

Magical Girl Site, Transgender Representation and The Batman Question. 

For the second week in a row Magical Girl Site is the only show I really want to comment on.  But I'm still enjoying all the shows I'm currently watching. I mentioned in my Astolfo post how I don't use the term "Trap" to describe characters who are actually Trasngender.  The only problem with making that hard distinction is Japanese media doesn't always use the same terminology we use in the west, so it's not always clear what the writers are going for.  For example I'm still not sure what we're supposed to think of Ruka in Steins;Gate, I like that in the new series they seem more comfortable with their gender identity, but I'm still unsure what it's supposed to be. Episode 7 of Magical Girl Site introduced the character of Kiyoharu Suirenji.  Going off what we see in this episode alone I would have to conclude she is a Transwoman and not merely a Crossdresser because of her using the girl's bathroom and that being an issue.  I don't think a CisMale Crossdresser would use the girl's bathroom.  However her seemingly not objecting to others calling her a boy complicates the matter, but it could be she's just someone who doesn't want to get confrontational about it.  But I also could have missed something there since I'm watching it Subbed because there is no Dub. In the episode's MAL forum one user who's read the Manga says the character is definitely a Transwoman.  That user is defending using the proper terminology to refer to her.  However there is at least one user there being very blatantly Transphobic. Most of what we see of the character in the episode I like.  However we are given a glimpse of the character having a dark side, with her saying she'll get revenge in the distant future.  Now this is a Dark Magical girl show where most characters have something dark about them.  But I'm still recovering from the disappointment of my favorite Western TV show of all time, Pretty Little Liars blowing it with it's handling of this issue. People sometimes ask whether bad representation is better then no representation.  It is interesting that if this show had never brought the issue up I would probably have never singled it out to criticize for lack of Trans representation.  But as soon as they provide some representation it doesn't take long for me to start being on edge about her being mishandled.  I'd been praising the show for it's unsanitized depiction of Bullying, I should then be thrilled to see that theme expand to showing the bullying Trans Women endure.  But instead I'm worried about the implications of this character either turning evil or dying. But I now realize that, yeah, I should be criticizing Magical Girl shows for failing to include trans representation (and even Sailor Moon fails to include any true Trans representation, the Starlights were simply a gender bending gimmick).  They frequently try to have very diverse casts allowing many different kinds of girls to be magical girls, representing many different forms of the adolescent female experience in Japan.  I think we're long overdue for a Trans Magical Girl and it's unfortunate that the Dark Magical Girl Genre people are back lashing against now was the first to do it. This subject happened to be on my mind already before I saw episode 7.   You may have noticed I posted about a Batman movie that features The Riddler yesterday.  Well Batman and The Riddler being on my mind reminded me that back when I spent a lot of time trying to imagine what kinds of Batman films I'd make I had came up with a concept that re-imagined The Riddler as a Trans Woman.  But then decided that I wasn't comfortable casting a Trans character as a villain in our current climate. Homosexual representation in media has reached the point where you can have Gay villains without it automatically reinforcing the same harmful stereotypes that used to keep Gays only as villains or victims in American fiction.  But Trans representation, especially for Trans Women, has not, as clearly shown by what happened with Pretty Little Liars.  I absolutely believe the writers of that show had the best of intentions, they wanted to say Transphobia is the ultimate cause of the tragedy, but regardless Charlotte being the only Trans representation the show had left the LGBT community who at one point loved the show deeply offended. Ironically this Trans Woman Riddler idea had developed in my mind before season 6 of PLL happened.  And yet my vision for The Riddler was influenced by PLL before the Trans Woman aspect was a part of it.  PLL started airing back when Batfans were still hoping The Riddler would be in the third Nolan Batfilm.  And I from day one immediately felt how -A operated on PLL was a good reference point for how to "Nolanize" The Riddler. So in hindsight Charlotte DiLaurentis kind of resembles the Trans Woman Riddler concept I'd been thinking of.  And how that whole controversy helped shape how I think about this issue is probably a factor in why I dropped the idea. ��Still my envisioned backstory for her (which I don't entirely remember) was far from identical.  And of course I also regardless of the character's gender or ethnic identity prefer The Riddler to not be a murderer.  It would be admittedly hard to keep that in tact when making The Riddler the main antagonist of a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, but I do think it's workable. So in that sense my Riddler was closer to Mona then Charlotte. But now I can't help but wonder if outright abandoning it was simply the Cowards way out (Realistically I'll probably never get to make a Batman film anyway, but this is hypothetical).  For example if I have good guys in the movie who are also Trans that could certainly help make it salvageable. Part of what was so harmful about the Charlotte story-line was caused by the need for it to be a twist, that the character who turned out to be "Charles" had been posing as a Cis Woman.  And that's the main problem with my initial concept here.  The starting premise before any Gender issues factored into it was allowing a Batman movie that's actually a Mystery/Detective story by having us not know who The Riddler is.  But I now realize that the concept can be reworked so that whatever name She is using before the reveal she can still be openly Trans.  The thing is I'm kind of killing that mystery aspect for future use by giving it all away publicly now.  Only way it could work for someone who'd read this post is if multiple Trans Women are in it.  Oh wait, that happens to also help fix keep her from being the only representation. The YouTube Channel FilmJoy did a video last year called The Batman Question which I watched today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwzE2J7bo0c&t It was about the idea of allowing more then just CisHet White Men to play Batman and other major Batman characters.  Janelle Monae was a choice brought up a lot, and she responded that she'd rather play The Joker. And that reminded me how members of Batman's Rouges Gallery are Pop Culture Icons and that almost every Actor wants an opportunity to play one.  And I personally would cast an actual Trans Woman to play the role (The Pedantic Romantic could make a good Riddler).  So perhaps we shouldn't exclude the Trans Community from being able to play those roles out of fear of how it can go wrong. The Riddler is often viewed as Batman's smarted nemesis, his greatest intellectual threat. After all Eartha Kitt wasn't counterproductive for Black Women.   KyleKallgrenBHH in his recent video on The Watermelon Woman talks about how for a long time Black Women weren't allowed to be Sex Symbols in America.  So in that context one getting to play the greatest Sex Symbol of American Pop Culture was downright revolutionary.  And so in today's climate maybe Catwoman should be the first Bat Rouge to consider allowing to be a Transwoman? You may ask, why was it that my mind went there for The Riddler first? Another question you may ask is, how would I handle naming this Transwoman reinterpretation of Edward Nygma? Well the answers to those questions are kind of the same. When I starting of thinking about what I'd do for a Nolanesque Riddler story.  I first decided "The Riddler" should be a name given to them.   They would identify themselves in their messages as simply -?  Again influenced by -A on PLL. Then I first started thinking about the character's Gender as I was playing around with the inherent pun of E. Nygma, and the idea entered my head to use the name..... ....... Annie Nygma...................... And from there I thought first just of making The Riddler a woman, an idea which technically had done before at least by Cosplayers.  But I also thought about having her use multiple names and for the sake of Nolan style realism not having any Nygma name be her birth name.  Then I heard of this Edward Nashton name that had emerged as an alternate name for The Riddler, I don't know who used it first but I heard of it via The Riddler Blogs, a fan film project derivative of The Joker Blogs. And then I thought about how Transmen and Transwomen naturally tend to change their names from what they were given at birth.  And so the idea popped in there to have Edward Nashton be the name assigned at birth, and Annie Nygma the name she chose when she accepted her Gender Identity, because she was into Riddles and Puzzles. I'm not Trans, I can't actually relate to these issues.  So I simply don't know what the right answer is.  Perhaps it's a good idea for me to put this experience out there and let someone who is Trans use it for their own Fanwork if they see value in it. Part of the reason I was ashamed of this for awhile is it didn't originate much from a place of caring about representation.  I've always been a believer in Trans rights, but it was in recent years I've become much more sensitive to this and other Social Justice issues. The more recent ideas I've come up with for characters who are Trans have been making them heroes.  Like the idea of the Vordenberg who Carmilla had a romance with being a Transwoman.  Or my desire to tell a story about Lancelot as a Transwoman (using the name Lanzelet), as well as Perceval as a Transman.  And my idea for a fictionalized French Revolution shared cinematic universe innovated using Chevalier d'Éon in the Captain America/Wonder Woman/King Kong role as the one who's origin story film is set in a previous era.  And interpreting d'Eon as a Noble Honorable and Heroic Transwoman, not doing weirder ideas like the Anime about her and Fate Grand Order do.  The only Fantastical aspect will be keeping the character young in the 1790s.

[entergamingxp]

Command and Conquer Remastered Interview — Joe Kucan On His Role as Kane and the Series’ Legacy

June 4, 2020 1:00 PM EST

Famous for his role as Kane in the Command and Conquer games, Joe Kucan sat down for an interview with DualShockers to talk about the legacy of the series and his part in it.

When granted the opportunity to have a 1-on-1 interview with Joe Kucan, I excitedly leapt at the chance. Joe is instantly recognizable to someone who grew up playing the Command and Conquer games, like yours truly. He’s the actor responsible for portraying the series’ iconic antagonist Kane, the leader and messianic figure of the Brotherhood of Nod. Joe has played this role in every installment of the series (even the more reviled ones), and his enigmatic but charismatic character was a core component in giving the real-time strategy classics their personality. Behind the scenes, he also directed the voice lines and cutscenes for Westwood Studios’ early games.

Since his last appearance in 2010’s Command and Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight, Joe has been absent from the world of game development. The impending release of Command and Conquer Remastered has seen him resurface, much like the deathless character he portrays. I had hoped to have a good discussion with Joe about the legacy of the series and his role within it. What I didn’t expect from the interview was the sheer level of charisma and genial humor he provided.

In asking what he’d been up to since his first public appearances, Joe regaled me with his time in office as the president of France; a term which ended in disaster due to his inability to speak the language. That didn’t stop him from growing rich off grift and corruption, though. Oh, and he founded a non-profit theater company in Las Vegas which has been running for the past ten years. That should set the tone that our conversation took.

Read on to hear what Joe had to say about his time with Command and Conquer, and what to expect from the remastered collection of this classic series.

Kris Cornelisse: Command and Conquer Remastered is coming out soon-

Joe Kucan: Yes! I’ve heard. That’s what they tell me.

KC: Yes, so, there’ll be a quite few new players and returning fans getting to revisit the early days of the series-

JK: Yeah, so, tell me about the genre, man. Tell me about where strategy games are sitting now. We’re primed, right? We’re going to jump right into a thriving marketplace?

KC: Weeell…unfortunately the real-time strategy genre doesn’t seem to be that flourishing. It’s all MOBAs and Fortnite and such, these days.

JK: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope we have new players, and I’m optimistic they’re gonna have new players, but I just heard that and it sorta made me pause a little bit because I think there’s a certain nostalgia for all of this stuff. I’m guessing, Kris, that you feel a certain nostalgia for all this stuff?

KC: Absolutely.

JK: Right, so I think that that’s part of the real allure, and if that translates into new players and a new bit of nostalgia moving forward, sort of like neo-nostalgia? That’d be awesome. But I interrupted you, go ahead and finish your question.

KC: You more or less pre-empted the question. How do you feel about the enduring legacy of the Command and Conquer games, and what it’d be like for new players to come experience that and your work?

JK: I could not be more flattered and surprised by the enduring legacy of the games, I’ve gotta tell you. You know, we’re sitting in our little studio 25 years ago, banging this thing out…I don’t think anyone anticipated its long shelf life, and certainly not the impact it had even in the short term.

I think that initial reaction to the game, and the universe, the storylines, all that stuff; I certainly didn’t anticipate it. If I HAD anticipated it, I would’ve done better! I would’ve done a better job, instead of just coasting through the whole thing and cashing the paycheck, which is pretty much what I did!

I think I’m curiously excited — I’m crixcited? Curcited? — about what the new sort of reactions will be. Because, like you say, it’s a very specific genre. Real-time strategy is a smart person’s game, let’s face it.

KC: Absolutely.

JK: It’s a game for gamers. It’s a game for people who enjoy game theory, and — it’s right there in the title — strategy, right? It takes a certain skill to play this game. Not to disparage the Fortnite shooters and the, y’know, guys with their sniper scopes and what have you. But it is a different skill set, isn’t it? Thinking about a big picture…strategy, approaching these games, is really different from just entertainment. And there’s certainly a great deal of entertainment to be had in Command and Conquer.

When you really have to think and plan and strategize: I think that makes your involvement in the game levels above the sort of first-person shooters where you’re just sort of running around like a tank.

KC: Yeah, I’d definitely agree. I’ve heard it described as “managing crises,” with so much going on, you have to juggle it back and forth.

JK: I’m going to steal that for future interviews if you don’t mind. Managing crises, I like that very much.

“It is a different skill set, isn’t it? Thinking about a big picture…strategy, approaching these games, is really different from just entertainment.”

KC: I think it was Day[9] talking about Starcraft, so there you go. With my blessing!

JK: Oh. Star…craft. I’m not familiar.

KC: Eh, it was some other game, might’ve been…y’know. Somewhat relevant. But it wasn’t Command and Conquer.

JK: Never heard of it. Can’t imagine it sold more than four or five copies.

KC: No, no, definitely not. Definitely didn’t, you know, become an esport giant or a national sport or anything. Perish the thought.

JK: I am curious to see the new reactions, but I’ve gotta be honest- can I be honest, Kris? Do you mind?

KC: By all means!

JK: A little bit of honesty in the midst of all this nonsense? I’m a little scared by the scrutiny, because I look back at some of that stuff that we did, and I understand the limitations of not just the technology, but the space that we were in, the knowledge we had, the talent available to us, and the sort of time deadlines that were thrown at us. I recognize all those limitations and I see where we certainly exceeded a lot of those expectations.

But I also look back at some of it, and I think “oooh,” there’s some cringing. Anybody who looks back at something they’ve done 30 years ago…25 years ago; you’re certainly going to look back and go “Ooh, really, okay, well, yeah, nnngh…”

So I’m a little nervous about the increased scrutiny, especially since the evolution of games has continued. And we’re sort of forcing the evolution of this game now, right? The remaster is just kind of forced evolution. We’re upping the graphics, we’re changing some of the code, but at the end of the day-

KC: Removing plenty of the limitations, yeah.

JK: Yes, so my considerable ego is sort of gearing up to be…kicked a little bit. *laughs* With that sort of reaction. And there’s something about- you’re saying you’ve been playing this game for a while? You sound like quite a young man, so I can imagine that your first experience with the game happened when you were, what? 10, 12 years old?

KC: Younger, even.

JK: Right?! So that experience as a kid is sort of brand new, wide-eyed child looking at this game. The experience that you had is going to be hard to recreate as an adult. You go “Oh, I remember this!” or “I remember that feeling that I had!” I don’t really think it can be recaptured or even be recreated, but it can certainly be appreciated. That’s kind of what I’m hoping for.

“I’m a little nervous about the increased scrutiny, especially since the evolution of games has continued. And we’re sort of forcing the evolution of this game now, right? The remaster is just kind of forced evolution.”

KC: Well, I can tell you I’ve just been replaying some of the older games. I’ve just finished Command and Conquer 3 yesterday, so-

JK: See, it feels like I just did Command and Conquer 3 like two years ago. So for you to call it one of the older games…it kind of hurts my soul.

KC: *laughs* I don’t mean it in that regard! But, y’know, it has been a while…the franchise has been relatively dormant, so.

JK: That’s true, that’s true…

KC: I don’t suppose you have any insider information about whether that will change or not?

JK: Well, they had licensed a Broadway show based on Command and Conquer. It was going to be a big musical. We were scheduled to start rehearsals in June, but the whole coronavirus shuttered it indefinitely. So I don’t know if that’s still going to go forward, and I think there’s a clause in the contract that the exclusivity clause I think becomes invalid after a certain date, so I’m not sure if that’s going to go forward or not.

KC: Well all the best in getting that off the ground then, for sure!

JK: *laughs*

KC: So I have to ask then, what led to the creation of Kane’s persona in the original Command and Conquer? Did you have any influence or say in the writing process, or did things change around your acting? How did that happen?

JK: Ahhh, well…the original game, a lot of things were written very differently, and the pipeline was very short. We’ve got an idea of what the storyline is, but in terms of specific monologues and specific approaches, they would happen kinda piecemeal. We would shoot things over the course of weeks as we decided to change approaches and what have you.

With other performers and some of the other actors, we had to have everything sort of in-place. [Eric Martin’s] Sheppard had one day of work, so we had him for one day to record all of his things and we couldn’t really go back and change too much. We had some pick-up days where he would come back and change some stuff, but as a general rule, it was pretty quick.

So in terms of creating the persona of the character *laughs* I always felt like the tongue-in-cheek aspect of the persona was important. I’m not suggesting that I felt like I was in on a joke, but I felt like I was in on the spirit of what we were doing, that I was sharing that with the players; that there was some sort of shared experience that we were both having. It wasn’t just the player having this experience, but on the other side of the camera, I was having this experience as well.

So I think that part of the persona, of the character, just became an expression of that shared common feeling about what it is we were doing, which was…silly! Conquering the world! Conquering the world is a silly trope, really.

KC: Oh yeah.

JK: Yeah, and I think that you have to play that a little bit tongue-in-cheek. And I wonder if that came across.

KC: I’d say you did a pretty good job of it, personally.

“I always felt like the tongue-in-cheek aspect of the [Kane] persona was important. I’m not suggesting that I felt like I was in on a joke, but I felt like I was in on the spirit of what we were doing.”

JK: Well, thank you! I’ve said this before; there are fans of the game, but when you talk to the fans of the game, they are very encamped. They are very pro-GDI, or they are very pro-Nod, and it’s not just the strengths of the units in the game that create that loyalty. I think there’s a certain interest in the personalities involved — the sort of grand sweeping feeling of the story — that helps create some of that loyalty. Don’t you think?

KC: I would say so, yeah. People definitely choose their side, as it were.

JK: Yeah, and I like to feel that I’m a small part of that.

KC: I would definitely say so.

JK: *laughs*

KC: So I guess we’ll just wrap it up; do you have a message for all of my fellow brothers and sisters of Nod who continue to serve in the name of Kane?

JK: YES. I don’t know how it is in Australia, but here in America? The left lane on the freeway is the passing lane, ladies and gentlemen. It’s the passing lane. Slower traffic, stay right. When you’re passing your car, you move into the left lane, make your pass, and then back into the travel lane — the right-hand lane. Which is just a long-winded way of saying stay out of my way.

Command and Conquer Remastered is due to release on June 5, 2020 for PC, on both Origin and Steam. This release will include both the original Command and Conquer and Red Alert games plus all of their expansions.

June 4, 2020 1:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/06/command-and-conquer-remastered-interview-joe-kucan-on-his-role-as-kane-and-the-series-legacy/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=command-and-conquer-remastered-interview-joe-kucan-on-his-role-as-kane-and-the-series-legacy

[mystarmyangel]

[TRANS] YoonA – Allure Korea September 2017 Issue Interview – The One and Only

Debuted for 10 years as a member of Korea’s representative girl group, an actress who uses her acting skills to convey stories and emotions, more so she is the icon of the present idols. Just as perfect like in a drama, all these stories belong to YoonA.

In a quiet road at Hannam-doing on a Sunday, it was a day where the weather will become dry and fresh even if it drizzled. The filming venue was at a studio displayed with full of flowers and art works. Even so, the prettiest among all is of course YoonA. We see ‘The King In Love’ San in YoonA who was moving around the studio filled with staffs. “In the first half of the drama, San’s bright personality is similar to me in reality. More relaxed and a lot of appearances that overlap with mine.” It is just like this statement. This Sunday afternoon, it is filled with bright smile from YoonA who has shown excellence both on stage and through her acting.

Q: Today is Sunday, so we can watch ‘The King In Love’ tomorrow. Why did you choose this project? I always have thoughts that sageuk dramas will be too challenging for me. San in ‘The King In Love’ is a character which I feel that can get rid of such thoughts, I feel like it will be a character I can do comfortably.

Q: Which part are you referring to? Is it because even though it is a sageuk drama but San has a lot characteristics of a modern woman? I think so, because she isn’t a passive character and she has a rich emotion/relationship lines so I think that it will be a good experience for me. The storyline is a very refreshing one, it is different from the usual love triangles. Even though there is a historical aspect in sageuk drama, but there is still a very rich emotion/relationship lines so it feels good.

Q: Sageuk dramas took up a lot of time in dressing up and there are also a lot of filming locations. What are your thoughts after experiencing it? Even though it is a pre-production drama, the filming time was a little bit tight as most of the time was spent on travelling to filming locations. The preparation time is also long, and because I have to wear a wig the whole day, I feel like all my hair is going to drop off near the end of filming (Laughs).

Q: I heard that even though right now it still seem to be a sweet romance drama, but as the drama progresses, more intense emotions will surface. How do you portray so many kind of emotion lines? I hope that viewers will not have thoughts that I am a two-timer. Because I was worried over this point, I discussed a lot with the writer, I do not know how it will be like. I was also a little confused when I have such scenes with the other party.

Q: In that situation was the feeling portrayed correctly? Or is it ambiguous? I think so far it is expressed well, because the script is good, so I will just have to act according to the script

Q:  It feels like you have a great time working with Im Siwan, Hong Jong Hyun and the other actors? How is it like on the set? We became very close, we are close in age and we encourage one another. Just like ‘WonSanRin the 3 Musketeers’ in the drama, in reality we often hang around together too. Because we hang around together right from the start, we became close very quickly. Oppas take care of me a lot so I am the one that receives the most love at the filming set.

Q: This is also Im Siwan’s last work before enlistment, so the feeling will be a lot different. Yes, also it is a pity that he enlisted even before the drama airs. The casts have a very good relationship with one another, other than the 3 of us, our group chat has about 20 of us, and we often meet up to play. We talked about visiting Siwan oppa in the army, I think no matter what we will go at least once.

Q: San tried very hard to overcome the pain in her heart after losing her mother, and she has been looking for the mastermind. She is a mature and sensible kid who pulled herself through hard times and wanted to become strong. When I was acting as San, I often thought on how I can become soft on the outside but tough on the inside.

Q: What kind of personality do you have? Are you soft on the outside but tough on the inside too? I think I am more towards this side, compared to what is shown on the outside, I am certainly tougher on the inside. Rather than saying brave, I have high perseverance. I want to become stronger and tougher.

Q: A singer grows through stages and an actress grows through projects. The movie ‘Confidential Assignment’ is also a work that cannot be missed among YoonA’s acting. ‘Confidential Assignment’ is a work that gave me a lot. It is a drama that make people go: “Huh? YoonA also has this side of her!” Because I heard a lot of people saying this, I become more confident with myself, I have also become more passionate towards acting. ‘Confidential Assignment’ is my first movie, and rather than acting as a lead role in a movie, I wanted to start as a supporting role and learn a lot from the outstanding sunbaes around me. So I am satisfied with all areas.

Q: Going forward is there any project we can look forward to? There seem to be a lot of work this year already, so I am not impatient, I will seriously pick the roles that I can do well. There are a lot of people who like what I portray in ‘Confidential Assignment’, so I hope I am able to act in more such realistic dramas/movies.

Q: Are there any project that inspired you recently? The last movie that I watch in the cinema is ‘La La Land’ and I had so much fun watching it. I have always like musical movies. The theme song is captivating and clear so in the future even if I only play the music, the scenes of the movie will immediately appear in my mind. I also like movies with open ending, ‘La La Land’ ending gives me a realistic feeling.

Q: When I listened to SNSD’s songs, that scene of my life will appear in my mind. No matter where and when SNSD songs are often played, especially ‘Into The New World’. Really? It is a song that we like the most too, the no. 1 pick song. When we were holding a concert in Japan, there is a Japanese swimmer Daiya Seto who will always attend. He is also an Olympic gold medallist. I once went on a program show with him. He said that he will listen to ‘Into The New World’ before a match as it is a song that gives him strength and allow him to win the gold medal. I was really touched to know that our song can gives our fans so much strength. Yesterday we had a fan meeting, and in order to share with fans, we did a poll among the members to determine the song that members liked the most, in the end the result is that ‘Into The New World’ came in first place, ‘Holiday’ came in second and ‘Gee’ came in third.

Q: I heard that that fan meeting is also the one that fans wanted to go the most? Because we only held fan meeting on anniversaries, so it will feel like a limited edition. We held concerts numerous times and in many places, but because fan meeting is a chance that we get to spend time alone with fans so we will specially select anniversaries to hold one. For my birthday every year, I will also spend it with fans. I feel that no matter how much interactions through SNS or broadcast interview, it is far from meeting face to face with fans and spending happy moments together.

Q: When I interviewed idols lately, I will often heard them saying they want to become someone like YoonA sunbae. Even up till now, I still feel amazed to hear people saying they want to become someone like me, because in the past I also started to have dream of becoming an idol because of S.ES, Fin.K.L sunbaes and BoA unnie. And also these outstanding sunbaes actually remember my name make me feel amazed too. Do they also have the same thoughts as I had when I saw the sunbaes in the past? Let’s work harder (Laughs).

Q: As a celebrity, what other dreams do you have now? I wanted to have my own charms, I think it is good enough if have that.

Q: Rather than drastic transformation, I think you have your own distinctive naturalness. I have always been a fan of classics, and I like simple things. Especially when the weather gets cold, my wardrobe is only filled with black, white and grey outfits.

Q: There is SNSD YoonA, Actress YoonA, and also the daily life YoonA when she has no schedules, how do you balance this 3 roles? I am the type that live to the fullest in the current state, while it is important to be far-sighted and see the big picture, but I also like doing the things right in front of me well. Therefore I have always cherish every single moment.

Q: For this period of time, there will be various media interviewing you asking you for your thoughts on your 10th year anniversary since debut, what is the feeling you want to convey most? First of all, I want to congratulate my fans and the members. I am very thankful towards the members, staffs and fans who have walked together with me till now. Because they are always next to me, I didn’t think much in the beginning, but with the arrival of an anniversary like the 10th year, I realised how precious and valuable are our times together, and I feel that we are really cool at this point.

Q: It’s really cool, as it is not easy to do anything for 10 years. Do you feel 10 years flew by in a blink of an eye? It really feel like time flew in a blink of an eye, and even till now I still have the thought that this is only the 7th year, I couldn’t believe it is already the 10th anniversary. But now the feeling began to kick in after holding our 10th anniversary party, released album and also had our fan meeting. The album this time we put emphasis on the time spent with the fans. There are songs we sang for fans, members also wrote the lyrics for fans, and if you listen to the album, the atmosphere is similar to our first debut album. I told the members several times that the album feel like our debut album.

Q: I am anticipating the next decade, what kind of image will YoonA present to us? 10 years ago I wonder “Will we be like this like this” but in reality other than accumulating many experience and becoming more mature, it doesn’t seem much different than before except that time has passed. I think another 10 years will passed while working and resting like this. I don’t know how the next 10 years will be like, I am also really curious but I hope it gets better.

Q: How would you like to spend for the rest of this year? I want to gain more time for myself through resting. So I am planning on how to rest, because I am constantly working and if I am suddenly going to rest I also do not know how to, It seem like resting need practices too.

Q: What kind of activities would you like to try this time? I want to go travelling, learn things I always want to learn. I want to learn golf, master my Chinese and then I also want to learn English… I also want to learn cooking in my spare time.

Q: Haha. It doesn’t seem like you are having a break? So now my priority is going travelling.

Cr: Chinese Trans by 花花 馒头 (Yoonachina) + 小挚 华华 豆豆&YOONAYAcom​​​​ Eng Trans: mystarmyangel

+ Another translation version by Ch0sshi

[indigo-streaks-in-her-hair]

500 Follower Ask Celebration :)

welp, here we are with 500 beautiful lovelies reading our fics. when we first started this blog, we never imagined such a wonderful response. everyone is the nicest & we both can’t express how grateful we are for every one of you.

thank you so much for sticking by us, even during our rough times. your support means the world to the both of us, & you all keep us going more than you think. you all inspire us every single day, & never fail to make us laugh.

you, yes all of you, are the best followers in the whole damn universe. you’re all irreplaceable & extremely dear to us. we love you guys so much. words can’t begin to describe how we feel.

and so, since we literally can’t come up with anything else to do on this momentous occasion, our original plan for 500 was to reblog a long ass ask list for you guys to send in numbers, but since that would all be complicated on the matter of the two of us answering, we decided to just answer all these 45 questions.

you’ll find the questions and our answers under the cut! enjoy!

 um she’s really lovely and sympathetic and true and magnificent and her name is summer and the most annoying thing about her is that she’s not annoying at all. -v

pretty much the fact that vic is better than me at  e v e r y t h i n g . she’s so much more caring and generous and beautiful and she’s always there for me whenever i’m having a bad day or if i’m just lonely or whenever i need someone to talk to. she’s also super polite and hilarious as hell. -s

2 • least favorite tv shows? 

oops sorry if i offend some people but i really don’t like vampire diaries, thirteen reasons why, gossip girl, or the uk version of the office. -v

i don’t, like,,,,, watch tv much so all honesty, i can’t really have an answer for this? sorry?? -s

3 • favorite moment with your best friend ( s ) ? 

oh omg i was texting summer a few weeks ago discussing and finalizing which fic requests we were each going to be taking and we had that one request asking for a connor imagine in which him and the reader take zoe to get her wisdom teeth out so i said something around the lines of “i can take connor and the wisdom teeth” and i literally froze before following that up with “omg that could be a name for a band”. summer freaks out and we’re both laughing hysterically over text and we stop everything and just spit out crappy band names that include connor and various body parts like “connor and the tonsils” and “connor and the funny bone” and even “connor and the fractured pelvis” and we’re absolutely dying because we can’t stop cackling at this stupid thing i brought up which made me laugh out loud a hundred times and i ended up scaring my own grandmother when she saw me giggling crazily with my phone. she ended up cutting me a slice of pie because she thought there was actually something wrong and the pie might help me calm down. so if the person who requested “connor and the wisdom teeth” is reading this right now i just wanna say thank you for requesting and your idea is amazing and your fic will forever be iconic ily. -v

oh my god, i was literally going to say the exact same thing vic did, but i guess i can choose a different memory.  one time vic posted a pic of a turtle on her sc story and i was like “girl omg” and she remembered that time she played the character Turtle in her school’s production of The Westing Game play and then we started reminiscing on our old nerdy memories like when a projected video didn’t work for her and she had to just say all the audio backstage, or the time after my school’s cheap ass production of the Wizard of Oz during curtain call i tried to quickly change from my farmhand costume to my tin man costume and i forgot to put my shoes on and i slipped and fell on my ass during curtain call (i also forgot to bow but unimPORTANT) and it was just so sweet and cute but honestly every moment with vic is the bEST. -s

4 • what’s one quality you would like to have? 

hm i’ve always wanted lighter eyes, mine are this boring brown color. whenever i’m in sunlight, they become shot through with these bits of gold and amber and it’s super pretty and that’s the only time they really lighten up. it would be really nice if they were like that all the time. -v

my big nose and thin hair have been the #1 qualities i’m most self conscious of, so i would really like to either have a smaller nose, or thicker hair. my face is already super oily as is, but my nose is the worst part, and i’ve always hated how my nostrils are almost as big has my eyes. as for the thin hair, you always have to be cautious about what you do with it, because there’s so little of it. like, i’m hella prone to sweating, which sucks, so if i sweat too much, my hair can easily build up enough grease to look like i just got out of the shower in a matter of minutes. or if i sleep on it the “wrong way”, and portions of are crinkled awkwardly or sticking out, then that’s how it’s going to look the entire day. and i can’t do any cute hairstyles with it because it all will fall out. -s

5 • name three people of the same sex you would kiss, marry, or fuck. 

kiss rachelle ann go, marry pippa soo, and fuck laura dreyfuss oops. -v

kiss pippa soo, marry eva noblezada, and as for the other one,,,, i’ll get back to you on that.. -s

6 • do you like your full name? 

hell no it sounds so boring and standard. -v

hahahahahah, no way. -s

7 • tell me your most embarrassing memory. 

erhm so many? how do i choose? i’ve tripped in front of crushes hundreds of times, i spelled a word wrong in a spelling bee that i really did know how to spell but my anxiety acted up and i panicked so badly, i ran into a sliding glass door literally yesterday, when i was little i sang in a public bathroom and everyone heard, i also fell out of a tree? does that make me evan hansen? -v

oh n o. there’s too much there, i swear. um, i got so nervous when someone asked me what my name was, i told them i was “helen”, but i think that was because i accidentally said “hell” too loud and tried to cover it up. i’ve tripped so many times on a flat ground. once i was crying in a public bathroom and a kid started banging on the door and told his mom that no one was in there, so before they got the staff to open the door, i panicked and hid my face in my sleeve as i ran out of there. omg there was also one time, a long ass time ago, someone asked me who my favorite member of one direction was and i didn’t know who they were because in my house we don’t listen to (at the time) contemporary music. not to mention anything in english?? but anyways, i’d heard of them but nothing about them, so me, trying desperately to fit in said “i like all four of them”. and they told me “there’s five”. there was also a time i was invited to this girl’s retreat thing in her youth group when we took a field trip to this pumpkin patch and they had this corn maze and we tried to go through it, but i got lost and nobody was around me and for some reason i thought everyone just left so i was terrified and crying and just started running straight through the corn. but then one of the other kids saw me and called me out to everyone and i was too embarrassed and anxious to say “i got lost”. there’s probably so many more memories and probably worse ones too, but in short, my life is a huge embarrassment. -s

8 • favorite color to wear? 

pastel baby blue is my number one. i have this off shoulder blouse that’s this pretty sky blue color and white and i think it’s my favorite item of clothing. -v

i can’t make a lot of colors look good on me so usually i turn to black, gray, or any dark shade. -s

9 • favorite restaurant? 

there’s a vietnamese place called “saigon diamond” in my city and it’s absolutely wonderful and i would go there every single day if i could. -v

i love this little place, it’s called “cafe vie” where they have boba tea, spring rolls, phở, all sorts of vietnamese food and it’s just so quaint and the food is the best there, honestly. i’m so hungry now. -s

10 • what would be a good first date for you? 

take me to a broadway show and then dinner and i will be the happiest girl in the world. -v

vic pretty much took it away at “broadway show” for me. and dinner is hella important, food is so good. i don’t have high standards, but if you really want to make an impression on me, then i’m literally the biggest sucker for romantic gestures. -s

11 • are you a good wrestler? 

thumb, yes. arm, no. full body contact, idk about that but i do know karate so i will fight you. -v

lmao, no. -s

12 • are you allergic to something? 

up until the time i was five or something i was allergic to grass and i had to wear pants whenever i went outside and it was honestly horrible because i couldn’t play tag or run around like other kids my age. -v

i honestly don’t know but most bug bites i get can get hella blisters and really gross even if i don’t touch them. -s

13 • would you be a good singer? 

i’ve been singing pretty much my entire life but it was only this year that i started gaining confidence with my voice so i guess i consider myself a good singer? i’m not completely there yet, though. -v

i really hope so. i’ve been a big choir nerd since i was 7 or 8 and i’m really passionate about singing, but that really has nothing to do with skill, i guess? i don’t really like the sound of my voice, but i’m pretty decent at harmonizing. -s

14 • who’s the last person you said “ i love you ” to? 

summer aka the shining light in this dark world. -v

victoire aka the actual light of my life?? love you, vic -s

15 • what car would you buy if you had enough money? 

um a porsche obviously because that shit is prime. -v

literally any car that doesn’t break down. as long as it can transport me from point a to point b without any troubles, then i am set. -s

16 • favorite cover of a song? 

currently it’s that cover of ben platt singing “ stay ” that’s floating around tumblr rn and i think i had an eargasm when i listened to it the first time i was so shook. -v

i can’t pickk a favv omg. everyone is so frickin talented it makes me actually want to curl up and yell. -s

17 • what was your last conversation about? 

coincidentally it was summer telling me we hit 500 and me proceeding to flip out. -v

hah, i don’t remember who it was with but i went around telling a couple people that my dad took my phone and i can only contact them from my crappy chromebook. -s

18 • where were you born? 

good ol’ michigan in the usa where i still live today. come visit us because we have chocolate fudge, cereal, and eminem if you like that kind of shit. we also have lots of lakes and pretty places and we’re so cool we’re shaped like a fucking mitten. -v

kansas, where i also still live today. maybe i don’t get out much, but it’s kinda boring here,, -s

19 • least favorite app? 

there’s this app on my uncle’s phone called “ chicken scream ” where this chicken has to jump onto platforms but to do that you have to scream and the octave of your voice determines how high the chicken jumps. seriously fucked up and i hate it but it’s hilarious watching people play it. -v

anything that can’t entertain me for more than two minutes. i have such a short attention span -s

20 • tell me two facts about the country of your birth. 

um we have the largest air force in the world and we sell enough pizza every day to cover one hundred whole acres and no i am not lying i read this in a book ok bye. -v

uhhh… its abbreviation, “USA” stands for the United States of America, and it’s made up of 50 states. -s

21 • do you like wearing sunglasses? 

actually i hate wearing sunglasses because they get tangled in my hair but if a pair looks good with my outfit then i will wear them for the sake of fashion. -v

i don’t wear sunglasses really at all, so i guess i can’t really have an opinion on them? -s

22 • when’s a good moment for a first kiss? 

goodbye kisses are the best, do not tell me otherwise. walk me home and then kiss me goodbye at the door and i will be thinking about you all the damn time and i’ll can’t wait to see you. -v

i think for a first kiss it should be a very important thing, so whoever you have it with should be really close to you, and someone you know that even if things don’t work out, you can always look back on it as a positive memory. but what would i know? -s

23 • what are your nationalities? 

i was born in america to immigrant parents who came from the philippines. along with the filipino blood, my great grandmother on my dad’s side was chinese, and my great grandparents on my mom’s side were spanish. -v

i was also born in america to immigrant parents, but they were from vietnam. my great grandparents on my mom’s side were chinese. -s

24 • what would make you drop college / university? 

ha are you kidding me if i ever dropped out of any sort of education my strict asian parents would probably disown me and mushu the dragon would appear out of nowhere and give me that whole “ dishonor ” speech. -v

^damn vic, i couldn’t have said it any better. -s

25 • a crossover between two shows ( any shows ) you would like to see? 

idk about any of you but a crossover between riverdale and doctor who sounds hella awesome. i’d definitely watch that. -v

frick;; i don’t watCH TV at like,,, all?? -s

26 • long or short hair? 

on me? honestly i prefer to have long hair but i’ll go shoulder length if i’m really feeling brave or something. when i was little i had super short hair with bangs so i was basically an asian dora the explorer. -v

short hair, for sure. i used to have hair down to my waist when i was younger and that was probably the grossest thing about me because it was so disproportionate to my head/face and made me look like if E.T. had two long strands of black yarn on its head. but even before that ofc i had a bowl cut. what asian kid doesn’t have a bowl cut, honetsly. although, over the summer i don’t cut my hair so i can dye the ends, then have it cut when school starts. the farthest it goes down is barely past my shoulders. -s

27 • a character from a book / tv show that shouldn’t of died? 

max lightwood from the mortal instruments book series was the purest bean, and he wasn’t even ten years old yet and that definitely broke my heart. as for tv characters, i sobbed for days on end when arthur from the bbc show merlin died. -v

um,,, crap idk. -s

28 • favorite movie scene? 

pitch perfect two where ben platt’s character benji musters up the courage to kiss emily before the bellas go on. idk why but it’s so cute? maybe it’s just ben? -v

sidenote: vic, i love that scene. anyways, maybe that final scene in heathers where martha gets her one line. idk. -s

29 • do you ship more fictitional characters or real people? 

fictional characters of course. who would i be without my otps? -v

definitely fictional characters. -s

30 • favorite country song? 

i seriously despise country music. i just don’t like it. it’s bleh. i don’t really know half the artists or their songs so i can’t have a favorite. -v

frickin “your man” by josh turner. i’m seriously kidding. i don’t listen to country music efiouhadjhdsilvb -s

31 • favorite john green book? 

it’s tied between “ paper towns “and ” looking for alaska “ because both are equally cryptic and beautiful at the same time and i love when books are like that. -v

heck, i really like “looking for alaska” -s

32 • least favorite ed sheeran song? 

oh come on. i love ed. you can’t expect me to pick a least favorite. but when it comes to the song i skip over most of the time it has to be ” even my dad does sometimes “ from multiply ( x ). -v

uhhhhmmmm… hell if i know -s

33 • favorite ship? 

malec from shadowhunters will always be my otp until the day i die. the ship is so diverse and has so much chemistry and if you read the books magnus and alec are so in love i can’t handle. -v

i don’t frickin knowwww. i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. i’m so sorry if all of my answers are like this, i’m literally the most indecisive person in the actual world. -s

34 • how do you deal with sexual tension? 

uM -v

uM -s

35 • name a celebrity who died that you miss. 

our queen carrie fisher. i grew up with star wars always on my tv and when i heard of her passing i cried and rewatched ” the force awakens “ with blankets and two boxes of tissues. -v

there’s really too many to choose from, and thinking about all of the happy memories they’ve brought to me and everyone is just getting me so emotional. -s

36 • favorite harry potter spell? 

i’m really fucking basic but ” lumos “ is the best. it’s so simple. it’s light. and idk why that resonates with me but i just think everyone needs a little light these days. -v

i literally said “lumos” too, but now i’m going to choose “riddikulus” because turning boggarts into something funny proves that anyone can find humor in their biggest fear. -s

37 • something you are scared of losing? 

my family. there’s no way in hell i’d make it through life without my little brother or my grandparents who are there for me. -v

i’m terrified of losing the few friends i have. everyone i used to know didn’t have a single hesitation in forgetting me or even trying to lose contact with me. -s

38 • someone you regret meeting? 

i could make you a list and tell you what each one did to make me regret even looking at them but i don’t wanna go out on a full on bitch rant about these people who ended up wasting my time. but i’ll just say i’ve met my share of shitty human beings. -v

too many. there have been too many people who’ve hurt me or betrayed me or have honestly made me feel like a horrible person, and i really wish i could forget every last one of them. little tip: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, it doesn’t excuse any sort of bullshit or betrayal they’ve done. -s

39 • have you ever been hurt by someone you thought was your friend?

yes and it’s caused a lot of emotional and mental issues. i’ve been backstabbed and used so many times and i just wish i could stop being stupid and blind for not seeing it in the first place. -v

god, yes. i wish it didn’t take me this long and this much damage to realize i shouldn’t have been throwing around my trust or my yearning to be accepted so lightly. getting hurt by the people you thought cared about you most is the most awful feeling, especially knowing that every single act of kindness and sympathy and love to them meant nothing. -s

40 • do you easily open up to people? 

yes and no, actually. it ultimately depends on the person and whether i have a connection with them. -v

it’s really hard to open up to people in real life because i don’t know if they’re confidently lying to my face or will use my own words against me to people who also know me irl. but online it’s easy to open up to my friends there because i can find people who understand shit i go through and actually take the time to give a crap. -s

41 • what is a gift you love receiving? 

hugs. i love hugs. gimme all the hugs you got, boo. -v

damn, v knows exactly what i’m going to say. i love hugs so frickin much, but honestly any sort of affection is all i need, like, smooches? yes?? compliments? absoLUTELY?? cuddles??? MARRY ME?!?! -s

42 • what is something you could leave easily? 

erhm maybe my notebooks? i usually journal in them but not that often anymore. -v

probably hair clips. i really can’t do anything with them, and on me they’re really tacky. -s

43 • rant about what’s eating you up. 

i’d really rather skip this one if anyone doesn’t mind, i’m sure i’d go on for a hundred paragraphs about my stressful life plus i’m sure it would annoy you. and my problems are the kind of personal ones i’m not comfortable putting out in public yet. -v

i really agree with vic here, i don’t want to be a huge bother to y’all and it’s really a touchy and personal subject here. -s

44 • if you could make a phone call to anyone right now, who would it be and what would you say? 

i’d call ben platt, tell him how much i love him and how much i love the show and whole cast, all while screaming and shaking. -v

i was going to freaking say ben platt too, seriously. i wish i could thank him for how much his representation of evan and the build up of his character has made me find something to relate to and learn to appreciate myself more, even in the slightest. i’d also love to tell him that he shouldn’t have to feel apologetic for doing the things he does to take care of himself physically and mentally, and his fans should be more than supportive of him taking care of his well-being. i’d also ask him to tell the rest of the cast, creative, and standbys how much i seriously appreciate them, but honestly i’d be speechless if i knew he was on the other end of the line. -s

45 • are you easy to love? 

aw yes. people say i’m lovable. i’m been compared to a teddy bear before. it’s happened, trust me. -v

i should hope so, but not very many people like to stick around me. i mean, i try to be someone worth loving and i’m more than happy to spill out all of my love to anyone who just asks politely <3. -s

[eldritchsurveys]

695.

What is the name of the last book you read? >> Recursion.

Who is it by? >> Blake Crouch.

When did you start reading it? >> I want to say... Wednesday or Thursday?

When did you finish it? >> Yesterday (Saturday, the 14th).

Who were the main characters in the story? >> Barry Sutton and Helena... I forget her last name.

Who or what was the protagonist? >> Barry was the protagonist.

Who or what was the antagonist? >> The antagonist was mostly Marcus whatever-his-last-name-was. I think his name was Marcus. Idk why I forget these characters’ names so damn easily.

How did the main character(s) overcome the antagonist? >> A lot of time travel, to put it simply. (Although “time travel” is a bit of a misnomer because although yes, you are moving from present into the past, it’s probably more accurate to say that you’re travelling through your own memories, which are another dimension that forms the multidimensional concept of reality. In the book, anyway.)

Was there a moral to the story? >> I wanna say it’s something like “the human desire to inhabit and control the past is a foundation of suffering” but also “we [as a species] really just shouldn’t invent certain shit because we can’t be trusted”. Kinda corny, but it was a damn good story so I’ll forgive it (also, I... don’t entirely disagree with them, I just think they come across as schmaltzy when you word them explicitly like this).

Did you learn anything about yourself through the process of reading? >> Actually, yes, but it has to do with a specific exotrauma situation I was going through this past week and is kind of complicated but I did write this post which kind of gets into it. It was just weirdly coincidental that I read this book at this time. Always crazy when that happens.

What was your favorite part of the book? >> Oh man, I couldn’t even say. There were so many good moments. Oh, maybe when the fucking Big Bend suddenly appeared in Manhattan, that was fucking ridiculous. I was so glad to be reminded of that stupid building.

What was your least favorite part? >> I don’t think I have one.

Who was your favorite character? >> Hmm... yeah, I don’t know. I don’t have one, I guess.

Who was your least favorite character? >> Honestly, none of the characters really affected me one way or the other, it was the story itself and the concepts it explored that got me.

Did you learn any new vocabulary words? >> I don’t think so. I did learn after I read it that False Memory Syndrome -- a major plot device -- is apparently a thing that exists in this world, too.

What was the plot of the story? >> Hmm. Machine is invented that allows a person to travel through their memories as if memory were a spatial dimension (so, time-travel, but like... not exactly, obviously), with the purpose of going back to a specific memory and changing the events. Shit seems great at first until it becomes clear that 1) the memories of the “dead” timelines still return to the people who experienced those events that are now changed, which fucks with your sanity hardcore, and 2) as in all time-travel-y stories, shit eventually balloons out of control and long story short, there is a lot of terrorist attacks and nuclear annihilations to live through and relive through and relive through before the protagonist and the inventor of the machine finally learn how to reset the world. (There’s no fucking way I can give a proper synopsis of this book, and if you read it you’d probably forgive me for this horrific attempt because it’s A Fucking Lot.)

What genre(s) did the book belong to? >> Science fiction? Probably.

Would you recommend this book to anyone else? >> Sure, if you like having your mind fucked with.

How did you hear about this book? >> I think I was looking at someone’s blog and they’d gotten an ask about book recs and that was on it, and since the kind of books they liked seemed interesting to me overall, I put it on my to-read list.

Would you read it again one day? >> Yeah, probably. I think it would benefit from more than one reading.

Is this book by your favorite author? >> I’d never heard of this man before now, but I definitely want to read more of his stuff.

How would you describe the author's style of writing? >> I don’t know, it’s not, like... iconic or anything. I do appreciate that he managed to write tightly enough and with enough clarity that despite all the time fuckery and jumping around and shit, I managed to follow the story very well with only minimal confusion, even in the beginning before I knew what was really going on. That’s a real fucking skill, man.

Were you bored by the book, or did you find it engaging? >> I wasn’t bored for a single second.

Did you like the way it ended, or could it have ended better? >> Oh, no, it ended well.

What was the climax of the story? >> I’m not sure. I’m not always clear on story structure.

What would you have done if you were in the position of the main character? >> I would never, ever want to be in that position. I’m not sane enough to hold it together through this sort of scenario.

What was your favorite quote from this book? >> I didn’t record any quotes.

Lastly, how many pages was it? >> Goodreads says 336.

[hermanwatts]

Sensor Sweep: A. Conan Doyle, Barry Smith, Gardner Fox, Manly Wade Wellman, Sundered: Eldritch Edition

Tolkien (Jeffro Johnson): This came up the other day, so I had to look it up. Any classic character that is adapted to contemporary media is consistently mutilated into something they’re not. Most recently this can be observed in the many edits made to Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker in Disney’s cartoon adaptation of the original Star Wars film. It seems a small thing, maybe, but this is how people that hate us actively rewrite our culture right in front of us. Plenty of well meaning people take the knockoff for the original while their imaginations are dimmed. Before long, the waters are so muddied the original inspirational character concept is lost in the noise.

  Authors (DMR Books): Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would have turned one hundred and sixty today. If your average sword and sorcery fan were to be asked, “What British Victorian author had a major and lasting influence on S&S?”, chances are you’d get a blank stare or, maybe, “H. Rider Haggard.” “Sir Arthur Conan Doyle” would not likely be at the top of the list. And yet, Doyle profoundly affected the origins of S&S and continues to influence writers within the genre right up to 2019.

  Weird Tales (Don Herron): All the ruminating in re: Farnsworth Wright getting fired from the editorial chair at WeirdTales caused Brian to go digging through binder after binder until he pulled the note seen above from the trove. He has it mostly because of the “initial signature” of Farnsworth Wright — the squiggly “FW” — not initialed just to speed things up but because Wright, suffering from Parkinson’s disease, had a hell of a hard time doing a full autograph.

  Art (DMR Books): Legendary artist, Barry Windsor-Smith, turns seventy years old today. When I mentioned that fact earlier this week to a couple of older Barry fans, they were like, “No way!” Yes. Way.

Barry Windsor-Smith’s career history is a long and tangled one, spanning over fifty years. Time constraints prevent me–perhaps mercifully, for some readers–from looking at it in detail. For those unfamiliar with the life and work of BWS, you might check out this excellent link here. Or, you can read Barry’s own exhaustive bio here, though it only goes up to about 1995. For this post, I’m only going to touch on the highest of highlights, of which there are several.

  Authors (Goodman Games): Today is the birthday of Gardner F. Fox. Most people know him as the legendary and prolific writer for DC Comics who created the Justice Society of America as well as many of the most iconic DC Comics characters including Doctor Fate, the Flash, Hawkman, and Sandman. He also wrote many of the earliest Batman stories and was the first to introduce the Batarang. His contribution to the world of comics is well documented and uncontested.

  Fiction (Eldritch Paths): I wasn’t planning on it, but somehow I got sucked into rereading Brian Niemeier’s fantastic Soul Cycle series. These books are much better the second time. I say this as someone who’s never reread a novel. I’ll post the links to my initial reviews of each book below. I will be discussing some spoilers here so *SPOILER ALERT*.

  Science Fiction (John C. Wright): In science fiction stories, there are a limited number of ways to explain the conundrum of how time travel might work if it could work (obviously it cannot) but still to make a presentable and dramatic story.

I doubt I can list all the various answers of the various imaginative authors who have attempted in an entertaining way to address the paradox. It makes for entertaining bull sessions by college students and philosophers, however.

  Myth (Walk & Word): I’ll just say it. I like dragons. Yep, I’m that nerdy guy who’s into the fantasy genre: books, movies, art. If it’s about dragons, I’m into it. Now, if you mention dragons in the Bible, most people will immediately think about the dragon in the book of Revelation. However, what many people don’t know is that dragons are mentioned a lot in the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament. In fact, familiarity with these references to dragons in the OT will actually help the reader understand the dragon in Revelation even better.

  Men’s Adventure Magazines (Men’s Pulp Mags): The World War II years are often cited as beginning of the end of the classic pulp mag genre. The years after WWII saw the beginning of the rise of men’s adventure magazines, which incorporated and continued key elements of the pulps, such as painted covers and rousing action/adventure stories. Fans know what someone means when they refer to “pulp magazines.”

  Authors (Goodman Games): Manly Wade Wellman arrived in this world on May 21st, 1903, born literally an ocean away from the place he’d be forever associated with in his later life. Young Manly’s playground was the land of Portuguese West Africa (now Angola), where his father was stationed as a medical officer. It was undoubtedly here, in a land far removed from the staid world of 20th century America, that the seeds of Manly’s imagination found their first fertile ground. Wellman would grow to become an accomplished writer, penning stories in the genres of science fiction, fantasy, occult detective stories, prehistoric adventure, and horror during a career lasting almost 75 years.

  Sherlock Holmes (Pulpfest): Looking for a way to efficiently exploit the growing market of monthly magazines, Conan Doyle decided to offer more of Holmes and Watson. In the summer of 1891, “A Scandal in Bohemia” appeared in THE STRAND MAGAZINE. It would be followed by eleven more tales, one per month for the next year. In writing the stories that became THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES, Conan Doyle created the first short story series. In the years to follow, his idea would be imitated across the globe. It resounds to our very day in series television and throughout popular culture.

  Gaming (Eldritch Paths): I’ve never heard of Sundered: Eldritch Edition before yesterday. I saw a trailer and was immediately impressed by the art. This game has some fantastically eldritch art design. Take a look.

Magazines (Cirsova): Cirsova Summer Special Available for Pre-Order!

The Summer Special will be out June 3rd!

The Ghost of Torreón By EDD VICK and MANNY FRISHBERG A strange experiment gone wrong has granted Professor Rigoberto “Beto” Caminante an extraordinary power—the ability to “ride” radio waves!

  Gaming (Jonathan Moeller): A reader emailed to ask that since I’m self-publishing audiobooks if that meant I was going to start self-producing video games based on my books.

Not just no, but heck no!

Audiobooks are expensive. But video games are much more expensive and infinitely more complicated – you have to hire developers, programmers, artists, sound people, music people, QA people, and then the inevitable time fixing and patching bugs. All of that is enormously expensive.

  RPG (Goodman Games): My buddy Bob Bledsaw and I, both being avid wargamers, became fast friends in the fall of 1974. Dungeons & Dragons was the first game we played together and this launched a flurry of weekly adventures that he hosted at his house for about 18 months. Bob was an “older guy” of age 31; the rest of us were in our late teens. Along with D&D being a brand new game concept, we were in awe of his prodigious pace of campaign material production. I later learned that perhaps he had some insomnia that gave him more time than the average guy.

  Fantasy Fiction (Eldritch Paths): Modern fantasy just isn’t as fantastical as it could be. There is so much you can do in fantasy, and yet, the genre is mired in either Tolkien knock-offs or anti-Tolkien knock-offs. This is not a knock on Tolkien. I loved Lord of the Rings, it’s more a knock on Tolkien imitators.

If modern fantasy isn’t using Tolkien as an inspiration, it will tend to use history in a very copy-paste sort of way. I’m thinking here of Brent Weeks’ Night Angel Trilogy. It wasn’t a bad series, but the fantasy elements were the least interesting part of the story.

    Sensor Sweep: A. Conan Doyle, Barry Smith, Gardner Fox, Manly Wade Wellman, Sundered: Eldritch Edition published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/