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cdroloisms · 3 years ago

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Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao)

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.

#tw trauma #tw death #tw blood #tw injury #tw torture #tw abuse #tw starvation #prison arc #pandora's vault #-> my writing #my writing :D #my asks !!#-> my asks

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uwua3 · 5 years ago

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hi bunnie! can i first just say that your name and blog are both so dang cute aaaa 🥺 can i request a best friend!izumi hc? 🥺👉👈 thank you so much 💛

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU ARE THE CUTEST PERSON EVER~ i am in Love With You !!! also omg IZUMI ♡u♡ she is the Best Girl ever but #AllGirlsAreBestGirls !!! i love her so much, i’m so glad this was requested!!! i am so happy to write this ♡ PLEASE LOVE IZUMI!

summary: together, you and the currian are unstoppable! watching the cooking channel with your best friend just got even better

author’s note: i hope you love this 🥺 i am genuinely so soft over izumi she deserves the whole world

count how many times i say curry, it isn’t even Funny at this point T___T anyways, i was a bit nervous over this because i hadn’t watched the anime, so i didn’t know izumi well as a character! if all else fails, use the traits you know to the best of your ability! i love our curry queen regardless, though~

word count: 2,001

music: good as hell – lizzo ft. ariana grande

my best friend.

🍛 tachibana izumi

you, funny enough, met izumi at the grocery store in the spices aisle

you were unable to decide between which spices were necessary for the curry recipe you were about to attempt, staring at your phone screen with obvious confusion

what was the difference between each type of curry? which one was better? you scrolled down, reading off the countries,

“india, thailand, malaysia, china, south africa, japan...” you mumbled inaudibly before you heard a very distinct crash in the next aisle over. someone must’ve just hit their cart into a display or—

you saw a girl with long brown hair and pink eyes with... wait... were her pupils heart–shaped? you stumbled back as she approached like she was on a mission, standing a mere few feet from you as she smiled pleasantly at you like the situation wasn’t out of the ordinary at all

(oh no... was she one of those pyramid scheme scammers?)

“are you making curry?!” she questioned, leaning forward to glance at your screen only to squeal in excitement at the confirmation. you gulped, nodding with a tinge of doubtful fear

if you said yes, were you about to be attacked right here and now in the middle of a grocery store? you just wanted some curry...

“i’m so happy for you! do you need help? i know the perfect combination of spices for any type of curry! i can make a different curry for each day of the year!” she offered to help, putting her hands together with a pleading look like she was dying to talk about curry

you nodded again and her entire face lit up again, going off on a rant without taking a moment to breathe

she was so knowledgable on all types of curry! you took notes diligently, deciding on japanese chicken katsu curry as the meal for tonight

when you told her, she clapped her hands and giddily jumped up and down. it was honestly refreshing to see someone so enthusiatic about food!

“i’m sorry for randomly talking to you, but i just love curry! do you need help looking for the rest of the items?” she offered to help, already with an armful of the spices you needed and dumped them into your cart

you pondered, thinking as you looked at the girl. she was nice enough, and clearly wasn’t much of a threat if she was willing to approach a stranger without any discomfort

why not? you smiled, offering your hand out to shake as you introduced yourself. she took it quickly, enthusiatically shaking it up and down as she giggled

“izumi! glad to meet you!”

from that point forward, you two became best friends for life!

izumi was the life of the party and brought happiness wherever she went. not only that, but she was incredibly polite and kind! it wasn’t everyday you met a girl that was full of life and always determined to overcome any obstacle in her path!

izumi would go through anything and everything for her friends despite how busy she was 24/7. she juggled being the mankai director (which was babysitting 20 boys), helping other acting troupes, and cooking at night but still made time to see you at least every week

you weren’t surprised when you were encouraged to come over for a company dinner one night and saw so. many. variations. of curry set up at the table. like the other boys, you attempted to hide your grimace (but very poorly, you weren’t a trained actor like the rest of the entourage was)

“what’s wrong? are you okay?” izumi’s motherly instincts kicked in as she hurried to put her hand against your forehead. you had to pretend like you were coming down with a cold the rest of the week and forced the curry down your throat

(the boys secretly gave you water under the table, whispering advice on how to bear it and grin as they made up fake situations to pass your chair)

(the high schoolers just looked relieved to not be the victim that night)

(seriously... so. many. variations.)

(every time you were invited to a meet–up, you texted the groupchat named “stop the currian” to see if izumi was making curry)

(she always was. you still ate it because you loved her too much to say no)

but other than curry, izumi loved cooking! she was subscribed to sooo many culinary and baking channels on youtube. she loved sending you links with a follow–up text that said: “wanna make this tonight? i know you want to eat it! ;)”

(you complained about how it always ended in a minor food fight you had to clean up. you still let her in when she knocked on your front door with bags of groceries)

(after so many visits, izumi was beginning to be proficient at other forms of culinary like baking since you enjoyed it so much)

one time, you even convinced izumi to make her own youtube channel. you had set up a camera omi loaned on a tripod, acting as the best cameraman ever of course

(you had a clapperboard that had the production titled, “izumi is replacing bon appétit’s claire” with take 1 freshly written)

“you got this, izumi!” you encouragedly put a fist in the air, “fighting!”

izumi nodded cutely, wearing her favorite striped shirt with a pastel pink apron. she held a automatic whisk in her right and was already posing with a mixing bowl in her left, ready to demonstrate how to make your favorite dessert

(maybe you suggested the idea because you wanted food, who knows?)

counting down vocally, you watched as your fingers dropped down to a zero and the red light on the camera started blinking. it was go time, and izumi immediately got into action

“hello, everyone! my name is tachibana izumi and today we will be making—”

the camera fell off the stand as izumi’s whisk flew out of her hand and smacked the lense directly in the middle. a sickening thud echoed through the apartment as you two stood in shock, staring at the expensive camera with unease. it didn’t look... uh... functional?

you quickly put your finger on your nose since it was an unspoken rule that touching your nose automatically meant opting out. you were a second earlier than izumi as she gasped like she was offended

“i am not telling omi!” izumi freaked out, running over but the damage was already done. the camera definitely didn’t turn on anymore

(you and izumi bought the same camera that day and switched the memory cards) (omi raised his eyebrows at the sudden newness of his trusty camera, but didn’t say anything as he just took it and thanked you for bringing it back safe)

(yeah... omi definitely knew. but, he wasn’t too bothered to say anything about it)

(“izumi? what did you spend so much money on last month?” sakyo reviewed her financial statement, watching as she nervously sweat and glanced at omi. he just shrugged like he had no idea)

so you two stuck to mindlessly watching the cooking channel on the tv. it was the usual weekend: becoming insecure over the unreal and extremely talented kid bakers who made a whole 3–tier cake in two hours, making fun of america’s worst chefs when they didn’t know how to cut a chicken, and yelling at cheating cooks who were way too competitive on chopped

it was better that way, anyways. maybe going viral on the internet wasn’t meant for everyone. you still got your dessert, much to your satisfaction

(“yeah, yeah. it’s only because you’re my best friend.” izumi laughed, shoving the plate with extra servings as you stuffed your face. she just fondly rolled her eyes as you tried saying thanks with your mouth full)

(“gross!” izumi squealed, throwing the kitchen mitts at you as you fought back, nearly hitting her with one of the pastries. you already know what happens next. izumi stopped baking for you for a long time [a month] as punishment)

speaking of baking, izumi loved making the most ridiculous cakes you’ve ever seen in your entire life

on random days, she’d make the most creative cupcakes ever with individual designs with meticulous attention to detail

(izumi always had to slap masumi’s hands away from the white box she’d set aside specifically for you. he’d pout, hurt, wondering why she didn’t make any food other than curry for him)

(“masumi... you really need to look at other girls.” you remembered advising him, sympathetically patting his back as he angrily accused you of being in love with izumi, too! to this day, it’s still awkward on your end when you see masumi and he thinks you’re his lifelong competitor)

but on important celebrations like your birthday and anniversaries, her cakes were... something. they’d be the most delicious things on earth, but the design would be comically ugly. she’d put the most bare minimum art ever and write the words way too big and it wouldn’t fit. there were always misspellings. maybe it was a curse for being so well–rounded?

another fun fact was you and izumi were the ultimate power duo! whenever you two went to hang out in public, you always made sure some creep wasn’t staring at her and she did the same for you all the time

as friends, it was your job to make sure you two were as safe and sound as possible

(one time, an absolute douchebag tried to wolf whistle her and izumi had to stop you from getting into a fight in broad daylight)

izumi was way too nice. she was such a selfless person and often acted like the big sister you never had. she was always ready with the most agreeable advice and showed up with her arms open. she was so giving, it was easy to see why everyone loved her

but you liked giving back, too! (much to her surprise) you even tried your hand at making some new form of curry by throwing in random spices and calling it a day, but you realized she was the most critical judge ever for any type of curry

(you stopped making curry for her. she would narrow her eyes and push her imaginary glasses up like an anime character. it was terrifying, she always appreciated it but... you shuddered, izumi was scary)

once, you even rented that curry truck to come by for her birthday! you never saw someone look like they were this close to passing out from maximum happiness

(you even bought a director’s chair for her with izumi bedazzled across the back)

(she now sits in it to get that extra confidence boost before a big show)

but the most important gift that kept on giving was spending quality time with izumi when she needed it most

when the anniversary of her father going missing came back around, you were the first person at her room. with curry you knew she liked from that really one obscure place and all the time that day to make sure she way okay

(she was such a big sister! izumi always claimed she was fine and it was just another normal day, but you were always there to provide comfort she didn’t even know she needed)

you took time out of your day to help her with all her mudane tasks after you saw she once physically fainted from tiredness

(it almost gave you a heart attack the first time, but then you noticed tsuzuru also did that too so it must’ve been something in the mankai dorm air)

you then became a well known figure in the theatre community as “izumi’s best friend”

(you were not upset with that title at all, in fact, you hoped it never changed)

who knew you’d meet your best friend forever at a grocery store? over curry nonetheless?

(yes, you’re izumi’s best friend, but it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the spices rant)

#tachibana izumi #izumi tachibana #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #izumi x reader #a3! izumi #a3 izumi

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somekindofroger · 6 years ago

Text

One Year of Love (Chapter 9)

previous chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight

Summary: Being friend with Deaky and the rest of the band led for you and Roger to have something (after both of you struggling to admit each one’s feelings), now you had to handle with life problems while trying to get over Roger.

A/N: Grammar errors/typos as usual. Hmm, I think this chapter is a little bit rushed, but I hope you guys like it, I had a good feeling writing the last part of it, but don’t expect much more of fluffiness hehe. Feedback please!! I live for those commentaries of yours, uuuh, thank you so much for the kind messages, aaaa. The gif is John’s reaction when you were talking to him at his place.

> If you want to be add on my taglist, let me know (send me a ask for a note). Thank you :D

Words: 4.6k

The morning classes seemed like forever. You had lunch with a few new friends that you had met already, they were talking about the people from university and the works they had to do. Your mind was so far away from that reality.

After lunch you went to the university’s library to do some studying it was when you looked on the clock and notice that it was almost time for you to meet up Matt. Honestly you asked yourself why you would meet up with him. Were you two dating or something like that? You guys had never kissed even. What about Roger? Was that only a physical thing? He definitely wouldn’t stop seeing other girls only because of one night of sex with you (and also the morning breakfast).

You arrived at the place a little late, Matt was already there waiting for you.

“I’m sorry, I lost notion of time, studying and all” you first said to him, while putting your own hair behind your ear on a way to fix your messy hair.

“It’s ok” he smiled and helped you to put your hair behind your ear. You didn’t need help, you already had done that, but he did it anyway. You smiled back at him. The two of you entered the cafeteria and took a sit.

“You look pretty, (Y/N)” he said.

“Thanks” that was all you said. You didn’t feel like talking much, you just wanted to go back to finish your studies and go home, it was Monday and you were already exhausted.

“So… had an exciting night, huh?” he started.

“What?” you couldn’t avoid blushing. What was he referring about?

“I mean, it was weekend, I am considering that you went out with friends, or something like that” but you knew why he was talking about it. It was Roger who had picked up the phone when he called.

“Yeah, some friends slept over during the weekend” it was all that you were going to let him know.

“Queen?” he insisted.

“My friends.” You forced a smile.

That date went on slowly and boring, which was odd because it went on very similar to the same one you two first had, nothing was wrong, it was just… different. He didn’t make jokes or teased you. He was serious and all that he talked about was serious matters, like about your studies, his work or stuff related. Most part of it was just him talking and you nodding, occasionally saying a word or two, you didn’t feel like talking.

“Is something wrong?” he wanted to know at some point.

“Oh, no” you lied “I am just tired, you know, it’s Monday” you let a small smile appears. It was half true. “I should be going I want to finish this studying as soon as possible.

“Alright” he stood up and so did you. He walked you until the outside of the cafeteria.

“(Y/N), I just want you to know that I really like you” he said. You looked at his face and he seemed to mean it.

“I also like you, Matt.” He held you hand and approached of you. He leaned his head closer to yours and his lips touched yours. You let your lips open so you two could kiss better. He wasn’t a bad kisser, on the contrary, but you didn’t feel it. You remembered when you kissed Deaky, in what seemed to be a lifetime ago (only a few months actually), and you felt more in that kiss than in this one. You broke the kiss and smiled at him.

“See you soon” he said and you just answered a quick ‘bye’ and turned around to leave.

You decided to not go back to the library, you couldn’t study now, and instead you headed to someplace else. You knocked at John’s door, hoping for him to be home. Or at least for that to be the right place, since he only gave you the address and you had never really been there before. He opened the door.

“Hey!” you said, a bit too excited, already letting yourself in.

“Hello to you to” Deaky answered, a bit confused. You put your bag with books and your coat on his couch, took a deep breath turned around to face him.

“Me and Roger slept together” you let it out.

“What?” that was his reaction.

“Oh, come on, don’t pretend like you didn’t know. You also left on that day”

“I mean, I had an idea but- I mean-, I’ve never-“

“Yeah, I know. But it’s driving me crazy! We barely know each other and yet I feel this weird connection towards him and it kills me! I mean, I know I can count on you, we are friends, but how all that is gonna leave me with the rest of the band? Am I a friend? Am I another girl Roger shagged? Am I only Deaky’s friend? I hate all that and I just-” you were talking nonstop and Deaky interrupted you.

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about it. You can just…like, pretend it never happened.”

“What you mean?”

“Well, if it didn’t mean anything to you, you can just pretend it never happened. I bet Roger won’t even care, so you two can keep being friends. The other guys clearly respect this situation, so we are all good!”

“That’s actually a good idea” you said while thinking. It was a terrible idea though and you knew it. It meant something for you, but did it mean something for Roger? You thought that it didn’t.

“Can I get you water or something?” John tried to be friendly, he came closer to you.

“Can you kiss me?” you asked.

“What?” he was shocked really didn’t expecting that.

“Please, I- I just want to see something.”

“(Y/N), we already did that” he laughed.

“I know, but… ugh, never mind. I guess I will just go back home. Thanks for listening, John.” You were already about to grab your stuff back and leave, but John grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. He kissed you. And you felt it. You felt the same thing as you felt in the first time you kissed, a good feeling but yet not sparks. But still more sparks than with Matt.”

“Did it help?” John wanted to know after the kiss ending, his face still close to yours.

“Yeah.”

“Trying to see if I’m a better kisser than Roger?”

“John!” and you slapped his shoulder in a way to show how embarrassed you were, also pushing him away. He only laughed.

“Joking, joking.”

“Actually, you remember Matt? The coffee shop guy?” he nodded yes “well, turns out that we just met, and he said he likes me. He kissed me.”

“Oh, so you’re trying to see which one of us three are the better kisser?”

“John!” you complained again, he just laughed again. “The thing is… I felt nothing, really nothing. Honestly, I felt more kissing you than kissing him.”

“Thank you?”

“Not my point, jackass. It’s that I really don’t feel anything for him, but I like him? You get where I am trying to say?”

“No, but I am trying to.”

“Ugh, I better go.”

“No, no, (Y/N). I am serious, I want to help. I mean… do you like Roger?”

“I don’t know! I do care for him, yeah, but… I don’t want to get hurt” you finally let it out. John got the idea.

“Oh” he reacted.

“Yeah.” After a moment of silence John hugged you.

“(Y/N), I am not letting Roger hurt you, you got it?”

“John, you can’t do that.”

“Of course I can. I mean, you’re my friend.”

“So is Roger, and he’s in the band with you.”

“Roger can handle himself. And he being my friend it’s even better, so if I punch him in the face he will have to talk to me, we will still be friends.”

“You’re just too sweet to punch someone in the face”

“You have seen nothing yet, honey” and during this whole time the two of you were still hugging. You were just so glad that you met him, that you followed Jen to the backstage; he and the band so quickly took a huge part of your life in such a short time… Almost 5 months. You started to wonder how it would be like in the end of one year.

You were leaving classes on Thursday afternoon when your teacher called you to talk.

“Ms. (Y/L/N),” he started “I’d like to compliment you on your work; I heard you are getting a scholarship to be attending to this university.”

“Yes, Mr. Morgan. Thank you very much, that means a lot.”

“Don’t get too excited” and the handed you a paper. It was your last work. “You have been doing great so far, but one more of this grade you will lose your scholarship.” You looked at the paper, you had gotten a terrible grade. You spend quite a while working on that paper and you had done terribly.

“I don’t understand, sir. I did my best on this one” you let it out.

“Maybe your best isn’t that good. Hopefully only when it comes to that” he said and looked at you, not your face, but your body, he was analyzing you. “You need to recuperate this grade, or any next bad grade you lose your scholarship.”

“What can I do?” you wanted to know, you couldn’t lose this scholarship, you didn’t want to go back to Bradford and also that was very important for your future career. Mr. Morgan’s eyes were still on you and you started to feel uncomfortable.

“I can think about something.” You realized what he meant, you didn’t like it. He put his hand on your waist and smiled at you, and then he just left. You were crashed, his eyes on you, the way he touched you, the bad grade, that wasn’t a good moment for you.

You quickly left the university and was going to head home when heard someone calling you. It was Matt.

“(Y/N)! Hey” he stopped you. ‘Great’ you thought, you didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially him, not after what happened.

“Hi” you gave him a fake smile.

“I was passing by and I thought that I could meet you. I am glad that I did”

“Sorry, Matt. I am in a hurry, can we talk in another time?”

“Is anything wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong” you lied. “I just want to go home as soon as possible.”

“Is there anything to do with our last meeting? I’m sorry if I was a bit rushed.”

“No, Matt, it’s fine, it’s not that.” You were really trying to get away from him.

“Does that have to do with Roger?”

“What?” you stopped trying to leave and faced him. You had this confused look on your face.

“I mean, I already know you used to date, it’s ok if you still have feelings for him or that you still see each other, it’s just-”

“Me and Roger never dated. We are friends, he was just mocking with you on that day” you let it out.

“So what was he doing at your place that day that I called?”

“Matt, that’s really nothing of your concern.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), I just-”

“Look, Matt, it’s fine, really. But I don’t feel like being here talking to you about Roger or whoever. I just want to go home, alright? So bye.” And you turned around and left. You didn’t care, you were done about him and done about men.

After a few minutes you finally got home. You didn’t know what you were going to do, you didn’t have the guts to study that afternoon or whatever. That was just the first step, was Mr. Morgan going to ruin your scholarship if you didn’t shag him? You just sat on the couch. You were looking at the ceiling so nothing would cross your mind, so you could just feel it all. You wanted to cry. Were you allowed to cry over such a silly matter? You were away from your hometown, you didn’t have your parents to call to (since they passed away a few years ago), you liking this stupid famous guy who possibly didn’t give a shit about you and that not being enough your scholarship was being threatened by this awful man. You held up the tears, you weren’t going to cry.

The phone rang.

“(Y/N), you are going to be in my party tomorrow.”

“It doesn’t sound like a question, Fred” he didn’t need introduction anymore.

“It’s because it is not, darling! It’s Friday, you won’t have excuses.”

“I still have work to do.”

“It’s Friday night.” He said like that was the answer to all of your questions. “And this wasn’t really a request and you know it. You are coming. Bye bye, see you tomorrow.” And he hung up the phone, didn’t even give you the chance to reply.

You woke up in the next morning feeling a terrible headache. You didn’t feel like going to classes but you had to. Luckily you weren’t going to see Mr. Morgan that day.

You had good classes and meet up with friends that helped to distract you from the thoughts of your paper works or how you would try to skip Freddie’s party. Half of the girls in England would die to be in one of Queen’s parties and you were thinking about a way to convince Freddie to not let you go there.

It was almost the end of your school period when you were walking across the hallways when you felt someone touching your arm. It was Mr. Morgan.

“Good afternoon, Ms. (Y/L/N).” he said walking next to you.

“Mr. Morgan” you said without making eye contact, still walking.

“I hope you’re considering on improving your grades.”

“I am going to improve my grades” you answered back.

“Good to know” he smiled and when you thought he was going to leave, he touched your butt. Your eyes opened wide, you had no words. You stopped and faced him.

“Mr. Morgan, I don’t know what you think of me but I am not just other stupid student who’s desperate for grades. I can get my own great grades without having to open my legs for you.” You said in a rude manner.

“No one said about you opening your legs, miss.” He still had this dirty look. You got what he was talking about, the idea of you going down on him almost made you puke.

“I don’t like the way you’re talking to me.” You firmly said.

“So don’t come to say that you don’t like your grades, (Y/N).” And he left. That was unbelievable, was really that man willing to ruin your student life just to get sex?

That day just turned out to be just as awful as the previous one, and this time, leaving the campus you were hoping Matt wouldn’t show up again. He didn’t, but someone else did.

“We are here on someone else’s order” John said when he appeared in front of you.

“What? John?” you jumped up in fright for a moment.

“Hey (Y/N)” Brian showed up next to John.

“Hey you two, what are you guys doing here?”

“Freddie made us come here to find you. He said you were going to miss tonight’s party”

“I mean, I really told him that you could miss it anyhow, you have a lot going on right now, but you know how Freddie is” John said.

“He made a huge drama” Brian spoke.

“He threatened us while holding a spoon” you just had to laugh picturing the scene.

“Sorry boys, but I really don’t feel like it.”

“I told you” John said to Brian.

“If she doesn’t come with us Freddie will be furious.”

“Roger too”

“What?” you asked trying to confirm what you heard. John and Brian looked at each other like they had already settle something, and they did. Each one of them held one of your arms and lifted you up.

“What on Earth are you guys doing? Are you out of your bloody mind?” you shouted. People around looked at you three.

“Everything’s fine, carry on” Brian spoke out loud to the other people looking.

“That’s a kidnap, but you gonna thank us later when you won’t be hearing Freddie complaining.”

“I doubt that very much, Deaky” you angrily said trying to leave from their hands. They put you in the back of their van.

“I don’t even have party clothes on!” you remembered them.

“That’s true” Brian talked to John.

“Ok, so we go to your place first” and so they did. They waited for you to change your clothes, you didn’t take a long time, you didn’t feel like you wanted to look good or anything like that. You didn’t want to be there, so you just picked a random dress. No coats, it was a warm night so far.

“You… look great, (Y/N)” Brian was the one to say when you showed up ready.

“Yeah, thanks. I wasn’t really trying to since I am being forced to go to this party anyway.” They both looked guilty. “Let’s go then”

You guys got stuck in traffic for a while, so it was already night time when you arrived at the party’s place.

“Finally!” Freddie said when saw you entering.

“You never, ever again, send them again to kidnap me” you told him with a threaten voice tone.

“They seem to be adorable kidnapers, I mean, they even let you put a nice dress on! Or you go to university like that?”

“They drove me home first.”

“See! Nice kidnapers. Nice work you two” Brian just rolled his eyes and left. John just made his typical ‘this is unbelievable’ face.

“Now, enjoy the party.” And he was about to turn around and leave.

“What, no drink in my hand this time?” you wanted to know.

“Oh, darling you are already part of the family, you can get your own drinks now.” He smiled and left.

“I do need a drink. Or two maybe.”

“Follow me” Deaky said and he started walking until the bar. He ordered two drinks, one for you one for him.

“So, tell me why you didn’t want to come to this party” he asked.

“Ugh, I’m just having struggles in school” you took a sip of your drink.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really” and you meant it. You didn’t feel comfortable, you didn’t want to people feel like you couldn’t handle your own problems, you didn’t want to show weakness. You looked around, watching the people in that place, you didn’t know but you were unconsciously looking for some blonde head.

“He’s coming later” John said watching you.

“Who?” you pretend to not know.

“(Y/N), I think we are on that stage of the friendship where we don’t need to pretend anymore.”

“Asshole.”

“I heard that.”

“Good.” And the two of you laughed. John also looked around.

“Looking for someone, Mr. Deacon?” you took a longer sip of the drink, that was a strong one.

“Maybe. Are we friends enough so I can tell you about it?”

“You’re cheating me?”

“What?”

“John Richard Deacon, how come you are cheating on me? I am your wife, the mother of your children, owner of your dogs, how come you’re doing that to me?”

“My god, you’re just as dramatic as Roger.” You just laughed.

“Anyway, who’s the lucky lady?”

“I met her in another gig.”

“Oh, so you do meet girls on gigs, I thought that was just for Freddie to get drunk and for Brian and Roger get laid.”

“Mostly that.” And he found the girl, he looked at you, in a way to ask for your permission to leave you alone in there.

“Go, go. Get the girl, Deacon.” You said finally finishing your drink, he kissed your cheek and left.

You sat next to the bar and you were already drinking half of your second drink when someone sat next to you.

“Who was the idiot that let a pretty girl here alone drinking by herself?”

“Deaky.”

“Yeah, sounds like him.” It was Brian making you company.

“You don’t have to stay here making me company, you know? I’m sure there’s a plenty of girl in here that would love your company.”

“Yeah, but right now I’m enjoying my friend’s company”

“Uh, Bri, you’re just so soft.”

“I try” he smiled at you. You finished your drink at once and already ordered another. “Harsh day, huh?”

“Tell me about it.” And this time you drank it at once, you just had to remember about that disgusting teacher. Brian called the bartender and asked for two drinks.

“Here, have this one. It’s stronger” and he handled you one of the drinks and took the other.

“I’m definitely hanging out with bad company”, and he laughed on your statement.

“Enjoy.” He left. You were alone again and you drank it. It was indeed stronger. You had another, it was when you decided that you wanted to dance (also when you noticed that you weren’t exactly sober anymore).

You were on the dance floor, you started dancing alone, you didn’t care, you just wanted to let the stress out, you still had a drink on your hand. Some guy approached you, he was close dancing to you and you didn’t care, he touched you and you said ‘hands off’ and the respected that, they could dance with you, but not touch you. You had lost how many drinks you had already and the alcohol started making effect. Your moves became more sensual, you were not even sure if you were dancing alone or what, you were just dancing, didn’t feel a thing.

“(Y/N)” you heard someone call, you just ignored. You heard them call again, you turned your head to the direction of the voice and you saw him, it was Roger.

“Wanna dance?” you asked him smiling. He didn’t really dance, he arrived to the party and walked around, that was when he saw you dancing near some guy, he didn’t like that and knew you weren’t that type of person, so he walked to talk to you and after he hearing your voice he noticed you weren’t sober. He made the guy go away and he held your hand.

“What are you doing?” you wanted to know.

“Making you stop to embarrass yourself.”

“You’re saying I am a bad dancer?”

“Yes, awful.”

“You know what they saw about bad dancers…” you made a pause. “You dance bad, but you fuck good”

“No one says that” Roger replied.

“I know, but I do fuck good.” you laughed about yourself.

“Bloody hell, you’re insanely drunk.”

“Mhm, Brian gave me this amazing drink and I-”

“Ok, ok, give me this drink” Roger took away the glass from your hand. You protested. “We should go home.”

“You just got here!” you sounded like a whiny child

“I know, but you didn’t, let’s go.” He put his hand on your back to guide you out.

“I came here by force, I can’t believe I’m leaving by force too.”

“Too bad, let’s go.” You refused yourself, you wanted to stay there and keep forgetting about your problems. Roger wasn’t patient. He took him in his arms, throwing you over his shoulder, people opened room for the two of you leave.

“Roger put me down! Now!” you demanded.

“Are you going to vomit on me?”

“No…”

“Then no.”

“Roger!” you shook your arms and legs like a child trying to get out of him. He put you down, you weren’t inside the party anymore. When he put you down you had a hard time standing still, especially because of the heels, he helped you.

He got you inside a car, his car apparently, because he was the one that was going to drive.

“Where are we going?” you asked once he started driving.

“Somewhere where you won’t embarrass yourself while being drunk.”

“And what’s wrong with that? You do that all the time!” he remained in silence, he didn’t want to say but it was because he was worried about you. You looked at him driving, he was serious and looking good.

“You can park and we can have sex on the back seat” you said. He tried to hide a laugh. “What? You don’t want to have sex with me?”

“It’s not that (Y/N).”

“Well, I can do something for you while you drive…” you teased putting your hand on his leg.

“Y/N, stop it”

“What? You don’t want to do the same girl twice?”

“Stop being stupid, I am just not taking advantage of you drunk.”

“Roger Taylor, you can take advantage of me anytime.”

“Let’s hope you remember that tomorrow.”

“I really hope not” you said that mostly to yourself. You remained in silence the rest of the time, Roger sometimes looked at you to check if you were sleeping (or going to puke in his car).

He parked the car in someplace where you didn’t recognize, didn’t remember either, you tried to get out of the car but you just couldn’t do it properly, Roger helped you. You took off your heels and tried to walk but you were very dizzy so he decided to carry you. You two entered this apartment, it smelled like him. It was his place. He didn’t have a hard time carrying you, he carried you until his bedroom and let you go on his bed, he wasn’t gentle at all.

“Ouch” you complained.

“That’s for making me carry your drunken arse.”

“I didn’t ask you to!” you were still there, laying on his bed, occupying almost it all, Roger was standing up, looking at you. He kept in silence for a while. “Thank you.” You finally said.

“You just don’t seem like the type that knows how to handle yourself drunk.”

“Yeah, I don’t do that often.”

“Something happened?” he wanted to know. You only nodded yes with your head with eyes closed, you were starting to feel sleepy.

“My teacher is hitting on me and it’s threating to ruin my grades with I don’t have sex with him. I may lose my scholarship here in London.”

“What?” he really sounded shocked. “That is ridiculous! Can’t you like… expose him or something like that?”

“I don’t know… It’s just… he has quite a name in the university, I am not sure if anyone would believe me.”

“Love, you can’t stay quiet in a situation like that. Speak it up, you have your rights. If that doesn’t work, I will kick his arse myself.” You laughed with the idea of Roger doing that for you.

“Thank you” you said once again, smiling at him. He sat next to you, on the bed. Your hair was all messy over your face, he put a part of it behind your ear, trying to show your face better. “Roger?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you doing that?” your voice was coming out really low, very sleepy.

“Your hair is messy.”

“It’s not that… I mean-”

“I already told you why.”

“Do you like me?” and he remained in silence. “I like you. But I am scared.”

“Why?” he sounded surprise.

“You’re going to hurt me.” And he remembered of the talk he had with Brian about it. Was he going to really hurt you? Ever?

“I’m here, (Y/N). Go sleep” his hand was still on your hair and you could feel him caressing your hair, looking at you.

“Promise you won’t leave?”

“I won’t, love. I promise.” And you fell asleep.

chapter ten

taglist: @itsanarrum @theinvisible-men @schniiipsel @my-bitter-blue @butterfliesflewaway @taylorroger-s @ma-ntequilla @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @b-r-o-s-k-i @rogerjustroger @allhailthedeakydo @xxcxrolinexx @killerqueenisthebest @theimpossiblehologramtree @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

#bunni is gone #alas #mourn they #soon to be departed from the web

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lilietsblog · 8 years ago

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strike witches episode 2: it got better???

aha confirmation of Sakamoto's eye powers in the recap ...WHY IS THERE NOT SUB IN THE OP WTF IMMA LOOK FOR ANOTHER UPLOAD EXCLUSE ME ...nah too much work ill just watch the first ep op once again

i actually managed to synchronize them lol that was good <3

HMM WHY AREN'T THEY KILLING YOU I AM INTERESTED IN THIS SHOW THANK YOU FOR POINTING THIS OUT SO EARLY gotta love the complete lack of withholding things here

Sakamoto don't be mean to the kid ...and she isn't anymore. aww <3 gave her an intercom I love Sakamoto's mixture of obliviously tough as nails and kind and understanding

I love that the panty shots that are clearly the entire point of this design arent actually focused on for longer than 1 second like if you want fanservice pause and stare but the show is not ABOUT it good job

and ah yes Shonen Protagonist being a Shonen Protagonist <3

ahh! medicines are shaking! they are in danger! that's what gets to her and I love it

YOU WERE IN THE SICK BAY GIRL EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEEDED TO BE TO HELP PEOPLE WHO WILL COME IN INJURED ...if there's going to be any

I love the girl's awe at the Cool Fights

SHE RESPONDS TO THE "MEDIC!" YELL I LOVE THIS GIRL AND EVERYTHING SHE STANDS FOR

aww actual trained medic is better at this without magic still <3

AND SHE'S AN ERRAND GIRL BC SHE REFUSES TO BACK DOWN FROM HELPING HOW IS THIS THIS GOOD THEY DON'T SEND HER AWAY BUT SHE DOESN'T MEDDLE OVER PEOPLE WHO CLEARLY ARE MORE COMPETENT SHE HELPS IN THE UNQUALIFIED EXTRA HANDS WAY GOOD JOBBBBBB aawww she dropped the bandages and is for now completely lost of course she is it's okay kid!!! you'll figure this out!!! gather the bandages and go on!!! there are things for you to do!!! ...but if you can't, that's fair too you are an /extra/ helper any little bit you can do is good but not doing anything isnt making things worse you is good job!!!

...and yeah theres this thing you can do that is way more than anyone would /ask/ of you here and now but you are the Shonen Protagonist of course you will on your own <3

what a good child I love her

aaa everyone knows her dad!!! i love this???

but what exactly are you going to do kid... do you have any clue obviously not lol

oh hey nice shield a lot of raw power huh

OH SHE WANTED TO BRING A GUN YOU IS GOOD JOBBBB

I love how sane and reasoned Sakamoto is being here I love that the narrative gives her full space to be The Senpai and actually know better while the protag listens to her in the process of fulfilling her heroic urges

and that it's a team fight where she does her part AND THAT'S PRETTY FUCKING HEROIC IN CONTEXT

oh the brown haired girl is new I think aha blondie is Perrine and very gay for Sakamoto gotcha ...okay very very very gay got it XD

I love the encouragement of YOU DID GREAT DONT EXPECT TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF <33333 ...wish Usagi could get this >_>

and the cheering!!! this too!!!

and once again the last third in a different setting huh this seems to be a consistent structure thing and I like it

The Accident subtle <3

I'm so glad Yoshiko recognizes the favors done to her <3

hm so the opinion so far is that it was a coincidence huh just like the raccoon sure

aaaa this is so Pure and Wholesome and genuine and good and she cries messily and mercifully offscreen and the sky and the birds and the sea this anime is so good

and now she wants to join <3 Sakamoto again is caught unawares by this because WHAT ISN'T SHE CAUGHT UNAWARES BY WHEN IT COMES TO OTHER PEOPLE REALLY I LOVE HER COMPLETE LACK OF ANY SOCIAL SKILLS WHATSOEVER MY AUTISTIC FAVE

a crotch shot in the ending tasteful but eh it's just the one idc

"if the feeling of fight is something warm, i will fight it out, for this world that is without battle" THIS IS ALL THE THEMES I EVER ASK FOR IN A WAR IS HELL NARRATIVE OKAY THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE FIGHTING SO THAT OTHERS MAY LIVE WITHOUT WAR THIS IS SO GOOD AND PURE AND MY SHIT (TM)

I wonder how many of these cute characters are gonna die until the end of the series... this IS war after all

I just can't quite figure out the tone this anime is going for??? bc so far we have - sky and sea and light - crotch shots - accurate war which are three very different things and like any two out of three fit together well but all three just kidna clash you know????????

#THATS OKAY I DONT ASK FOR THE TONE TO MAKE SENSE #NONSENSE APPEALS TO MY CHAOTIC HEART #COMBINE THE UNCOMBINABLE #strike witches #liliet watches strike witches #but really #sky + war = serious melancholy #sky + crotch = silly lightheartedness #crotch + war =#well normally it would = gritty grimdarkness that doesnt give a fuck about its own cast #but this show is very much not that #somehow #ill admit i very much expected it to be and thats why i was apprehensive #but the sky is really a key component there...

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tumblunni · 7 years ago

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AWW C’MON FFXIV

one of the biggest barriers to me getting back into it is just how SLOW the beginning is when you don’t have any friends to help you out like it legit took me a whole week of constant grinding just to reach level 15! FIFTEEN! IUts really fuckin slow even by usual mmo standards! and like.. all that slow is supplimented by huge amounts of quests and story and being required to do that main story in order to access goddamn ANYTHING, such as (for example) the additional hairstyle customization options you get at level 15 which I KINDA GRINDED SIX DAYS FOR, ONLY TO FIND OUT I NEEDED TO FINISH 8 MAIN STORYLINE QUESTS FIRST.

Like normally i would be HAPPY for an MMO that has loads of well made story scenes and ties progression more to quests than to grinding. But its just.. so unappealing to me?? Its That One Style Of Storytelling That Turns Me Off Immediately. I fuckin hate pretentious fairytale stylings. like not even when its told in the nostalgic writing style of a kids’s story or has a fairytale art aesthetic, those are some of my FAVOURITE THINGS. Nah when its the nostalgic writing style of fuckin specifically shakespeare and the only aesthetic is fuckin tolkein AGAIN. Like its really fuckin noticeable that the entire FF series has a bazillion original species in every other game but as soon as they made an mmo its Now Only Elves And Dwarves And Giants. And like.. the one anime addition of catgirls, and also making orcs/demons fuckin boring bishounen people with ‘all men are dragony and all women are 12 year old lolis with hair decorations’ as a fuckin species trait.o r I guess maybe the roegadyn are both orcs and giants combined and the au’ra got all of the leftover terrible traits..? And that’s 80 times more obnoxious when everyone talks like YE OLDE FUCKIN LITERATURE CLASSE AYE MY BOY YONDER DAWN DOTH BREAK OVER BIGASS FUCKOFF MOUNTAIN, HERE TAKE A STICK AND KILL 5 SLIMES like they literally fuckin sub ‘nightsoil’ for ‘shit’. this is an actual thing that someone thought would sound clever and fantasy-ish, instead of like an internet parody... And as far as I know the japanese version doesn’t even do this?? And neither did japanese FF12?? I FEEL SO LIED TO! Like these two worlds are still the most simultaneously cliche and overdeveloped ever, but i would at least enjoy my experience marginally more if the wall of text didnt stretch out every word to its maximum syllable potential..

BUT YKNOW DESPITE THAT DESPITE THAT BEING MY PROBLEM I AM NOW SAD AT FFXIV MAKING EXACTLY THE FIX FOR ME

They added a REALLY interesting and Dear God Relief feature where you can literally buy your way to the start of the latest expansion, story-wise. Which is a really great idea tbh, it kinda sucks to see ‘level requirement 80 must have beaten main story’ on this entire separate thing that you just bought. Kid me was dumb and didnt read all the conditions on old FFXI stuff... And I mean, anyone who complains about this being pay to win is being a dumbass, since all it does is promote you to the base level required for that storyline. Like the maximum here is level 60 with the equivelant job quests finished, so like.. there’s at least One Thing that makes you less than horribly underprepared compared to everyone else, but you’re still just a newbie wearing big boy pants. You can never pay to win for any level anywhere near the cap, it’s just pay to skip the more boring beginner sections. And probably get your ass kicked after cos all u hav is base equipment and none of the optional sidequets content or learned experience from the actual story...

BUT STILL I’M MAD BECAUSE there’s no way to do this without skipping the story!! your 60 levels of beginner quests are flagged as complete and you can never even see what you missed unless you watch someone else’s lets play i guess

and I know I just said that the story is really cumbersome and slow and badly written and cliche and i have no investment in anything but like that’s only 99% true, I actually WAS interested in the job training plotlines! a smaller self-contained sidequest with a cast of mentor npcs and story directly tied to your combat strength, rather than having to mop up loads of way underlevelled quests arbitrarily just to unlock the ability to actually exceed that level. gahhh Also i have a soft spot for the thieves guild- umm i mean the ‘seamstresses’ (or what was the actual joke about it? i think that was the discworld version XD) Mostly because they don’t talk like overly fancy pricks but also dont have too much of an over the top fakey oliver twist poor person voice. have I mentioned how its double annoying playing this game as a brit and hearing EVERYONE as some american guy doing the most stereotypical accent? Its a japanese game, why did you even do this!! srsly, this and ff12 have so many of the same dub fail. Oh, but also i like the thieves guild cos their plot is actually somewhat interesting, with the secrecy and stuff, instead of just I Am Mentor Man I Am Good At Job But Probably Tsundere Or Something For Six Hours. Also nice that there’s a full cast of this piratey crew and you get to interact with bossman’s admin guys sometimes, and get a general sense that he’s the comedic bumbler that’s only kept alive by their competance. (I call it.. the Plumeria Principle..)

Oh and lol also even if i could skip the story bits I hated, i probably wouldnt cos this thing is so fuckin Lore that i’d be completely lost... T_T But aaaa its tempting!! Cos I picked a bad starting town that had a plot and mentor npc that I didnt really care for, and now i really wanna switch to (weirdly enough) the one for gridania the land of the most boring elves and none of the job classes I want to use. She was just a really cool character! I can’t remember the pirate town equivelant tho, I just think that was my fave town aesthetic and fave jobs and stuff but the npcs were boring. I want elf mom!!! But seriously after fuckin SO MUCH WORK getting to level 20 before i decided i wanted to restart AAAA and then i wasted a bunch of my money on appearance change coupons to try and sate the restart temptation but then i realised No It Was Elf Mom I Miss so now i have a bunch of that cash shop content on that character and its impossible to transfer or somethin?? i couldnt even figure out how to send money between your own characters, which sucks cos some really nice guy gave me 30000 gold for no reason when i first started up the game and i legit DID NOT KNOW HOW TO USE CHAT YET so i was like running after him all WAAAAIT LET ME FIND THE KEYBOARD TO SAY THANKS xD But then i was just using that character to check out some of the other intro towns, it wasnt my main so i never used the money :(

so yeah anyway now I’m stuck here grumpy and debating whether i should buy this aaaaa and i cant even remember the name of the clearly-a-thief-but-dont-call-it-that class so i can pick the right thing to buy... And also i dont know if this only skips job training quests and not main story quests? or if there’s any way to recap main story quests at least? so it might not be as bad as I think. And maybe i could just pick whatever class I hate most to get all the exp in, and then i can have the level requirement to use my damn expansion but still go back and restart another job questline. and it’d probably be easier lol with all the boosts of having some other job high levelled! wonder if there’s a job with a terrible plotline that jus coincidentally lines up as a great thief supporter...?

#blunni thoughts

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