#what about dealing with the loss of a mother who was such a shitty mother and emotionally neglected you and your siblings

[symphonyofsilence]

does Jin Guangyao play a villainous role in Wei WuXian’s story? yes. but is he also the Narrative’s special boy? also, yes.

I don’t remember the post, but the fact that Wei Wuxian, and by extinction, the narrative sympathizes with Jin Guangyao has already been brought up. He draws a comparison between himself and JGY when the crowd suddenly turns against JGY in Lotus Pier and wants WWX to deal with him, and again when the other Sect Leaders led by Sect leader Yao assume that the Guanyin statue is made to resemble JGY himself ‘cause he’s a narcissist, and when people are saying nasty things about JGY in a tavern after his death.

but another way in which the narrative sympathizes with JGY is that every time JGY is shown doing a shitty thing, it’s immediately followed by him being shown in a situation in which he is a victim, or has done something good.

he paralyzes Qin Su after she finds out some horrible truths about him and hides her in the creepy room where WWX finds JGY’s sworn brother’s head? A chapter or an episode after that we see him being trash-talked and cast out by other Nie soldiers when they’re drinking the water he brought, while he’s doing thrice the work they’re doing. we see him cleaning the battlefields and helping the commoners after battles, we see him voluntarily do the work of the servants as a deputy general when they lack staff, and pour people tea, while they rudely clean their cups when they take it from his hands (which NMJ does nothing about), we see him loyally arguing with LXC that he can't leave NMJ for his father’s sect after all NMJ has done for him, and learn that he has saved LXC. CQL shows him in his Meng Yao Era more. We see him repeatedly receive scorn when all he gives others is curtsey and smiles, we see beforehand the Nie Captain be an absolute bitch to him so I'm sure nobody in the audience regretted his loss, but even then we immediately get that jumping in front of NMJ and taking a stab to the chest to save him, and the teary banishment scene that cancels the "guy is now officially a scheming murderer" out.

He's being a bitch to NMJ in the Nightless City? He kills Wen Ruohan & turns out that he has been bravely spying for the Sunshot campaign all this time and they owe him their victory. But even then, he apologizes to NMJ, kneels down, and surrenders himself.

He's protecting Xue Yang? You have him explaining to NMJ why he can't go against his father's wishes, and how he's scared of everything and everyone because he was never given the luxury of safety, status & power, so he can practice that power freely. In the end, NMJ offends his mother and kicks him down the stairs (which he's well aware is a trauma for JGY). Which honor-bound ancient man wouldn't have killed the man who disrespected his mother and kicked him down the stairs? What would have NMJ done had this been done to him? But even then, in the book, the narrative does even more to make JGY sympathetic, LXC comes to NMJ to calm him down, and he says that JGY's in a difficult situation right now. His stepmother beats him & his father doesn't listen to anything he says anymore. Otherwise, he wouldn't have talked back to NMJ. & after that, NMJ's qi deviation happens when he drops eaves on this conversation between LXC & JGY:

I mean if you've tried to murder him thrice, shoved him down the stairs, & called him a whoreson, taken any opportunity to scold him, & you don't like it when he talks back to you, at least let him talk behind your back. He's not even lying or being disrespectful or anything.

He retaliates against WWX & LWJ’s attack by showing WWX as a villain and the way he has killed NMJ comes to light? a few chapters later WWX is surprised that JGY hasn’t visited LXC to demand a search but to tell him that he has prevented everyone from searching the CR and thinks it’s best if LXC, whenever it’s convenient for him opens the doors of the CR so JGY can get this search over with and shut the other sects up. And reassures him that he won’t let LWJ’s reputation be tarnished in any way. (At the stairs of Jinlintai, JGY knew fully well that LWJ was doing what he was doing because he was in love with WWX, as we learn at the Guanyin temple, but he loudly suggested that LWJ is being deceived in front of the crowd to save LXC's brother reputation.) The Donghua even has a wartime flashback from a young Meng Yao saving LXC, feeding him, hiding him, washing his clothes, getting beaten up by the Wen soldiers to keep LXC safe, and even then bringing back food for him with a smile.

He takes everyone hostage, twice (his hostages are children the first time) and is at the peak of his villain moment? You have the whole Guanyin temple thing happening. (which, personally for me, was what really elevated him from an interesting character to my poor little mew mew in my eyes.)

When JGY kneels down, WWX feels uncomfortable. He feels embarrassed on his behalf:

the same effect of inducing pity & sympathy for him is achieved in the show by somber music swelling in this scene, reaction shots, slow-mo, and a wide-shot of everyone in the temple as JGY kneels down to make him look especially small, while almost 2/3 of the shot is of the candles of the Guyanin temple. in the exposition scene when LXC kneels down to hear JGY out, the statue of Guanyin is between them. THE LOCATION OF ALL OF JGY TRAGIC EXPOSITIONS IS A GYANYIN TEMPLE! The temple of the bodhisattva of mercy who is considered to be the physical embodiment of compassion!

And the sympathetic reaction shots when he talks about JGS continue throughout the scene.

then we learn that he had to marry Qin Su because she was already pregnant and he didn’t want QS & JRS to have his and his mother’s fate and that the reason they had to rush things through like this and conceive a child was that JGS might have further caused problems for their marriage because he really disliked his son. and that if a political fall-out happened between Jin & the Qin clan, JGY would get the burn of it. (still a shitty act, but you can’t help but understand where he’s coming from & pity him), he goes on about his father kicking him down the stairs of Jinlintai on his birthday while celebrating JZX’s birthday, we learn about his childhood in the brothel, about JGS saying that he could save Meng Shi but he didn’t ‘cause she would be too much trouble, and that their son wasn’t worth mentioning, we see JGY & SMS deep connection, the show gives us some very good Xiao Shushu & A-Ling moments, & even though it’s been always clear & is especially clear during the whole Guanyin temple scene, we see truly see the depth of love, respect, and loyalty JGY has toward LXC. 

We see him in the Villainous Friends chapter telling Xue Yang that he can vandalize people's shops and restaurants for no reason, only under the condition that he doesn't wear the Jin uniform. But it's immediately followed by the mention of the bruise on his head given to him by his stepmother because she can't vent her anger on her cheating husband, who JGY has to retrieve from brothels every night to ensure his safe stay in Jinlintai for another day. We see him massacre the He sect, and right after that, he goes to retrieve his father from the brothel and hears those awful things and you can't help but sympathize with him.

Because what is really important is that you understand Jin Guangyao. There are about 14 chapters in the book and 4 episodes in the show of JGY explaining himself while crying on the floor because it's less about "Jiggy eVIL" & more about look what the society who turned his back on him & his mother when they needed their help, and sneered at them when they tried to improve their situation, and never forgave JGY for being born has done to this man to make him do such horrendous deeds. (And his sword's name is Hensheng. Meaning "hate to be born". They made him never forgive himself for being born either.)

So by saying that X & Y has happened to JGY, and so what he does is for self-preservation, nobody's JUSTIFYING his genocides, & nobody's denying that JGY had a choice in everything he did. Even if his other option was to accept his place, sit down, shut up, and suffer in silence, NOT murdering a whole sect that includes children by doing experiments on them is the better option. The point is that it's not the point. JGY's atrocities are only means in the story to tell the cautionary tale of a classist, cruel society. The things that JGY has gone through cannot be erased from the conversations because "JGY EvIl. Periodt." The Narrative doesn't want the reader to do that! It's specifically structured to put the reason JGY's got to this point on the forefront every time he does a crime. The fight with NMJ's fierce corpse ends as quickly as it begins. The Climax of the story is mostly JGY's monologues. 14 chapters of monologues cannot be dismissed as JGY gaslighting LXC & shedding crocodile tears.

in a story that has Wei WuXian as a protagonist, and literally starts with the monster the society has made of him through rumors and has this theme going on through the rest of the story, especially with JC, and baseless accusations are the first thing that happens when JGY's secrets are out in the Lotus Pier, and then ends with society making a monster out of JGY after his death through rumors when Sect Leader Yao speculates that the statue's face is modeled after JGY himself (which WWX especially comments on), and in the tavern when people made such crude remarks that even those who were participating in the conversation felt uncomfortable, I think it's clear what and who the real villain is.

MXTX could have written people talking about literally any real atrocity that JGY has done, but instead, they talk about what he hasn’t done and read the worst out of his every action in life.

And actually, with everything that JGY has been through, he’s not even the worst case that could come out of his situation. He did have good intentions. For all his genocides, unlike Xue Yang, he didn't actually want to see the world burn. He did help the innocent common folk. He helped them during the sunshot campaign, and with the watchtowers, he fought against systematic corruption, and he treated everyone with respect. He rescued LXC and QS. We don’t know how many others he has personally saved. It's that the means he had to use to have the power to help the poor was incredibly dirty because he was playing an unfair game that was especially designed against him. (I'm not saying helping the poor was his only objective when he tried to gain his father's approval and a secure place in Jinlintai for himself. Though it's sad that he had to fight for these things at all.) The best he could honorably do was be NMJ's deputy general, which didn't save him from being bullied and people cleaning the cups they took from his hands. He knew that if he tried to help the innocent without having the political power to do that, he would end up like WWX. But what he didn’t know was that he would end up like that if he, unlike WWX, played by the rules of the game and compromised his morals anyway. There was no winning for people like them.

Dismissing the good that JGY has done, the real desire he had for helping the poor, and what he’s been through cheapens the character, cheapening JGY’s character to a one-dimensional Marvel villain, and dismissing the commentary that he represents on society as a whole is a disservice to the story. And that’s a crime cause the story is great. 

his fall from grace, the heinous acts he had to commit to find himself the slightest bits of safety, security, and respect wouldn’t be that much of a tragedy if he didn’t want to be good and do good for people.

Then there is JGY's death and the framing of it. Here is a wonderful analysis by @sapphicdalliances of why his death wasn't justice and that was the point, how he died because of an act he didn't commit, and here are great analysis by @thatswhatsushesaid & @crithir about how his death is described as a gut-wrenching horrible scene framed through his horrified nephew & ward's eyes, both in the book and in the show, how it didn't bring the Nie brothers any closure either, and how through the lenses of LXC and JL, and by JC’s & WWX’s reaction we see his death as a tragedy.

His death is because of a dishonorable trick. His last act in life, pushing LXC away is an act of love and of forgiveness. In the CQL before that, he pushes Jin Ling out of danger, too.

As said in the aforementioned posts, after it, we don't see a victorious Nie Huaisang or Wei WuXian. In fact, neither of them is victorious.

WWX, and by extension, the narrative blames NHS for his scheming & risking innocent lives. WWX is especially appalled by NHS' treatment of Meng Shi's body. He points out that JGY, being a big liar with a considerable criminal record, will be forever accused of lying, no matter what. While he immediately after brings JGY's last genuine act toward LXC as proof that JGY couldn't have been lying.

In the CQL, he straight-up calls NHS the devil with the coldest tone he's ever had towards NHS.

NHS for his part doesn't seem victorious either.

Dare I say he even looks like despite years of scheming he was not ready for it when JGY pushes Shuoyue deeper inside his own chest. (Who would he be acting for at that moment? Nobody's looking at him. And he’s sweating!)

And I think there's a "no, he didn't" in his last "I don't know." To LXC (at least in the show) when he's insistently asked whether JGY was going to attack LXC or not and he insistently answers "I don't know". It's a confirmation without confirmation.

And then in, IMHO, one of the most beautiful and nuanced scenes, NHS finds A-Yao's hat, in the book, he bends down, picks it up, and quietly goes away (and that's the last we see of Nie Huaisang), in the show he wipes off the dust on it, and his hand finally gets bloodied, literally & metaphorically despite trying his best to not do his dirty work himself. And we get a flashback of A-Yao's childhood that I always assumed we're seeing through NHS because maybe JGY had told him that story. Not only does the order of the scene, combined with NHS' deep in thought look seem like it but also NHS cleans JGY's hat when in that memory A-Yao's mom tells him that he needs to take good care of his hat.

And that scene is especially beautiful because the show went out of its way to show their close relationship pre-time skip. And we see NHS keep A-Yao's principal by cleaning his hat when JGY himself is too dead to do that. Even when the reason for his death is NHS himself. And by NHS getting his hands bloodied while cleaning the hat, and staring at it with a deep, nuanced look, that combination of care & hatred is shown in that scene.

I think he feels empty. He's spent years after years planning this thing. It was his only drive. Now it's over. And it wasn't a grand, victorious moment. It just...happened. and it was something that needed to happen, in his eyes.

And he did love his san-ge for a long, long time before the betrayal came to light for him. And then he hated him for a long, long time. But at that moment with JGY's bloodied hat in his hand? I think that's the moment when love and hatred have both run their passionate course and they've finally reached each other in the middle and collided and ran out of strength and intensity and separate, clear meaning and they just take their exhausted leave together, leaving only a trace behind.

And most prominently we see a devastated LXC and JL. We see Jin Ling's flashback of when his Xiao Shushu gave him his spiritual puppy. We see him being the only one who could cheer JL up when he was down for days.

We see JL choosing to keep loving him despite everything.

His loss is felt and the memory of his good deeds keeps coming back in JL's narrative:

The Narrative doesn't just sympathize with him. The Narrative mourns him.

[theerurishipper]

I think anon was referring to what zuko said in response to aang telling katara to forgive yon rha. While aang came across as a bit patronizing even if he meant well and that was obviously unhelpful, I can honestly see why that would count as zuko mocking him. that being said, I agree with everyone else you said and anon shot themselves in the foot when they mocked Zuko;s scar and they engaged in azula apologismwhile using the fact that she's mentally unstable as a shield.

I mostly interpreted that as Zuko saying Aang is being naive rather than his disagreeing with the actual teachings themselves. Zuko isn't one for revenge either, or else he would have killed Ozai, or let Zhao die. And he's never been shown to disrespect the Airbender's teachings in this way before. He's listened when Aang has talked about the monks before. But he understands Katara's feelings in a way that Aang doesn't seem to (which is not to say that Aang hasn't suffered through tragedy or that Aang doesn't understand loss, but Zuko and Katara are specifically paralleled through the fact that they lost their mothers, and it's something they connect over because they feel similarly about it), and it's also a little personal for him in that way. I'm not going to justify what he said, it was a shitty thing to say regardless, but he wasn't being racist. Even Aang doesn't take offence to it because he knows that, and they're on good terms at the end.

I think decrying it as a racist comment simplifies the issue and shifts the conversation. Zuko had a point, but he said it in the worst way. But calling it a racist comment because Zuko think Airbender philosophies are inferior is the wrong interpretation, and it sort of changes the way you view the scene and removes any fault from Aang in the situation. Aang was telling Katara to forgive the man who murdered her mother. That's not really a small thing. And he was quoting the monks verbatim without trying to understand Katara herself and without trying to take into account the real situation they are in, which can't be fixed with a quote that Aang hasn't learnt to put into practice when something comes into conflict with it, as happens in the real world. This is not anti-Aang or anything, this is literally the conflict he deals with at the end of the episode and in the finale, of how to reconcile the monks' teachings with the reality of his situation.

Zuko didn't say Aang was naive because he wanted Katara to get revenge, he did it because he understands her pain, he knows how facing his father gave him closure, and he's angry that Aang is trying to tell Katara to not have the same chance. So when Aang uses "revenge is a two headed rat-viper" line, it makes him angry because Aang clearly doesn't understand. Zuko is saying Aang doesn't understand the reality and is resorting to quotes from the monks, simplifying a complex issue, which is... not wrong. Zuko himself never once pushes Katara towards violence or revenge in this episode. He himself is not that kind of person. If he had been completely wrong or if he had been a bad influence on Katara, pushing her towards a destructive path, the episode shouldn't have ended with her forgiving him, not just by words but with a loving hug. And it also ends with Katara saying she didn't take Aang's advice and ends with Aang being torn between the reality of his situation and his commitment to upholding the beliefs of his people. Simplifying it to "Zuko is racist" just because some people think Aang can never be wrong is reductive and misses the whole point. You're free to disagree, that's just how I see it.

Thank you for your ask!

[sl-ut]

long, long time

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

description: joel and y/n deal with the loss of their close friends in the only way they know how.

warnings: smut, angst, age gap, mentions of death, slight mention of suicidal thoughts, bill and frank, mention of violence

words: 4.3K

date posted: 05/04/23

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Sometimes Y/n wondered why she did the things that she did. She wondered whether things would have been easier or not had she not dropped out of FEDRA school at sixteen, or if she hadn’t gotten mixed up with Tess, or even if one of the many deals that had gone south had resulted in her death. Sure, she may have been stuck living a life where she was hated by the general public and wore a flashing bullseye on her back to attract Fireflies–but hey, anything could be better than this, right?

Y/n wasn’t sure where to go from there, both literally and figuratively. She’d considered fleeing, hell, Joel had given her a prime opportunity to do so when he made no protest to her keeping watch outside, if only her brain could figure out an exact map of the road that they had followed. She cursed herself internally for blanking out for so long, not even taking in her surroundings as she followed behind Joel and Ellie from a safe distance, and even if she had made it back to Boston, she would more than likely get herself killed–either by an infected, sheer dumb luck and stupidity, or executed after getting caught sneaking back into the QZ. 

Fucked. She was so fucked. 

During the long trek, she had considered Ellie’s burning question; why are you with them? If the fourteen year old girl was able to pick up on the dynamic between the three adults, Y/n considered her own internal debate about whether she was crazy or not to be settled. Sure Joel and Tess had treated her like shit repeatedly in the past, and sure, she always went running back to him the moment that things got rough, but was that truly such a bad thing? He was the only constant she still had in her life, having been on her own from a young age, and he was the only person who seemed to show any sort of care for her wellbeing, even if it was shown in his own brutal way. Truth be told, Y/n wouldn’t make it a day without him, and the dread and shame behind that truth ate away at her slowly and painfully.

Another issue at hand was Tess–though, an entirely different issue than she had usually posed. 

Tess was dead, bitten by a clicker in the museum and blown to bits by her own free will. The loss of the older woman was a blow to the entire group–Joel had closed off even more than usual, Ellie seemed a bit skittish and did her best to keep the conversation away from it, and Y/n, well she wasn’t quite sure how she felt.

Bile had risen up her throat and splattered onto the concrete at the sight of the building that they had fled going up in flames, and she had struggled to withhold her tears on the journey. Though each time that she felt the urge to cry, she heard Tess’s voice taunting her, pouring fresh salt into old wounds. Grow the fuck up. Don’t be so weak. I still don’t understand how you’re even still alive. The woman had been vile to her, down right nasty; calling her names, sending her on deals that she knew would end badly, always giving her the shitty rations that she would scrounge up and split the better portions between herself and Joel. Every moment when Y/n began to mourn her, she began to burn with untouched rage. 

Then, as the flames of anger died within her, she would reminisce on her early relationship with Tess. The woman had saved her–as much as Y/n accredits her survival to Joel, Tess had once been equally as crucial to her wellbeing. For so long, helping Tess out with deals was the only way that she could afford food and resources, and the woman had patched her up countless times after finding her huddled up in an alleyway. She had once acted like somewhat of a mother figure to her–albeit, a deadbeat one. For years, Y/n wondered what she could have done to the woman to make her change her tune so quickly, switching Y/n’s nickname from hon to dog in the matter of days. 

Now that she knew that reason, she couldn’t help but feel a moderate amount of guilt. In her own story, Y/n had made Tess a villain. While she had certainly performed actions to earn this title, Y/n now understood exactly why she had felt such a way. She continued to console herself, telling herself that she didn’t know, and that she had asked her before pursuing anything with Joel–because she had–though a part of her always had a suspicion that something had gone on between the pair, she just couldn’t prove it. 

I never asked you to feel the way I felt. 

The single sentence had confirmed to her what she had suspected from the beginning–Tess had been in love with Joel, and he was more than aware of that when he brought Y/n into his life so intimately. She wondered how long he had known; was it before they got together? Could he have possibly pushed Tess out of the way in favour of a younger woman? What if she had confessed to him after he and Y/n had gotten together? All that time when he would sit there and let the pair of them put each other down, he had always known that the cause of such chaos was his own inability to convey his own feelings. He was choosing to allow both of them to fight while he protected himself from it all–it was all making so much more sense. His hesitation when she asked him to stand up for her, his reluctance to show her affection in front of Tess–it wasn’t to protect the bond he had with either of them, he was simply removing himself from the conflict that he had started. 

She had yet to bring it up to him, not having a moment away from the nosy teenager who would most certainly insert herself in any argument that might erupt between them. From the beginning, the girl had made it her mission to bug Joel as much as possible, though Y/n knew that such instigation would only cause a blowup much larger than the one to already be expected. Though, he knew that she was angry with him–he could always tell. 

He hadn’t been gentle with either her or Ellie while getting them out of the city, pushing and dragging them through alleyways until they had stumbled into the treeline, scarcely uttering a word to either of them as they set up a place to rest and regroup. He had, however, noticed the slight tremor of her body as she curled against a tree. Quietly, he offered her a sip of his water to clear the vile taste of vomit from her mouth, then tucked his jacket around her shoulders before trudging off to the rushing creek nearby. 

When he returned, his jacket had been abandoned by the girl and laid over Ellie’s legs for warmth. That was the first tell. The next few were her blatant ignorance of his presence, whether she be disobeying his orders or actively tuning him out, speaking only to Ellie for the remainder of the walk. While he may not have been the most intuitive man when it came to women, he wasn’t dumb enough to be confused as to why she was angry with him, and he, too, was unwilling to bring it up with Ellie present. 

Ellie had been a regular chatterbox once the small group parted ways with Cumberland Farms, asking a series of questions about life before the outbreak, needing to be reminded several times that Y/n genuinely could not remember much beyond brief flashes of nostalgia from her early childhood. She was amazed by the remains of an airplane that they came upon, having crashed into the slope of a field, and began spewing her own personal theories about how exactly shit had hit the fan. When she received dreadfully boring drawls of explanations from Joel, she began to ask about the two men that they were going to find. Joel was a bit tightlipped about them, uttering only that Frank was the nicer one of the two.

“Bill’s a survivalist. Built the whole place to withstand a disaster before it even happened, you’ll definitely like him,” Y/n added, nudging the girl’s shoulder, “But, uh, Frank’ll like you. He loves to meet new people.”

The girl smiled fondly to herself, remembering the first time that she had spoken to him over the radio. She had been napping on Joel’s couch, waiting for him to come back from a work detail when a voice crackled through.

“Hello, hello? Joel, Tess? Anyone there?”

Y/n reached for the receiver, fingers hesitating over the button as she considered how much trouble she would get in with both of them for interfering, but they would likely give her just as much shit for not answering. 

“Hello?” She answered slowly, “I’m here.”

“Tess?”

She grimaced, “Uh, no. I’m Y/n.”

The radio crackled quietly, the man’s silence proving his confusion, “Y/n? I’m sorry–where are you transmitting from?”

“Joel’s apartment,” she answered, chewing her lip, “I’m…a friend. Is this Bill?”

A small chuckle came through, “Fortunately for you, no. I’m Frank.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“And I’ve heard nothing about you. How old are you?”

She hesitated, “How old are you?”

“Touché.”

She giggled to herself before responding, “Sorry, but Joel and Tess aren’t here. Can I take a message or something?”

“You can just tell them to radio back. Now tell me, who exactly is this mysterious third party that we’ve never heard of?”

She had been correct in suspecting a tongue lashing for even touching the radio, but she was more than happy that she had. Y/n and Frank had begun chatting on the radio at least once a week, sharing stories, ideas, and bored ramblings back and forth while Joel, Tess, and Bill took care of the majority of the heavy lifting. Frank had even encouraged her to join Joel and Tess on their next visit, which she did, despite the protest. 

“My word, you must be Y/n,” the voice was so familiar, and the grin on the man’s face was just as welcoming in person as his voice had been over the radio, “You’re prettier than I pictured you.”

She laughed, dropping her pack onto the step as she slumped onto the bench next to him, quickly looping her arm through his as if they had personally known each other for years. Bill watched on with furrowed brows, glancing over at Joel, who seemed equally surprised and not at all at how quickly she and Frank had become friends. 

Y/n ignored the pair, “I have to say the same. Now what’s this I hear about hot water?”

Lincoln was probably a once unsuspecting town, the type of place where very few could actually afford to live, and consisted of mostly young families and the elderly. Now, as the small group approached the town, it was comparable to a small fortress. Y/n had been gleeful as she had passed through the gate, eager to meet her friends once more and simmer in the comforting warmth of one of Frank’s hugs, though her heart sank at the realisation that it would never come. 

She was saddened by the dust that had gathered around the house. Frank had once made an effort to keep the place tidy, always prepared to offer comfort to his three favourite guests when they made the trip–though Y/n only had the pleasure of visiting twice before. Now, as she dragged her fingers over the dusty vanity in one of the spare bathrooms, the weight of this loss began to settle over her. 

Ellie had showered first, leaving Joel and Y/n alone in the bunker to experience the tension on their own. Y/n made a quick exit as Joel worked with his homemade battery for the truck, returning to the fancy dining room in the house. She tidied up the mess that had been left on the table–old food covered in fuzz and flies being tossed in the trash before she carefully washed and placed the fine china back into the cabinet where it belonged. She was glad to find some food still in the fridge, picking through it to find the bits that had not spouted mould spores and putting together three equal portions. 

She ate hers alone, waiting patiently at the table for Ellie to clear out of the bathroom so she could take her own shower. The spray of the hot water over her body was the final straw that she hadn’t even known that she needed to release the built up emotions over the past few days. Tears rolled down her cheeks first, silently mixing in with the streams of water before her shoulders finally began to heave with deep rooted sobs. All hope of privacy was thrown out of the window–she was unsure of exactly how loud she was being, but she was no longer concerned with the threat of Ellie hearing if she were to wander by the door.

A slow creak echoed through the bathroom, barely audible to her over the sound of running water and throaty sobs–she almost didn’t even react when the shower curtain slid open behind her and a large figure took up the space behind her. His hands touched her back carefully, the ghost of a touch acting as an offer of comfort. Her flesh prickled underneath the press of his calloused fingers, and her head screamed at her to push him away, to scream at him for coming in uninvited and bringing all of the accusations that she had been stewing over to light. 

Instead, she slowly turned around to face him, her splotchy face burying in his firm chest while her arms wound around his waist. His hands settled around her shoulders, acting like a safety blanket as her body shook with her cries, nose burrowing into the wet mop of hair atop her head and whispering quiet affirmations. Joel knew how much she had loved the two old men, even if she had only been granted the pleasure of meeting them in person twice before; he felt an overwhelming sense of regret over not allowing her to come with them more often when they would visit Lincoln. 

“Joel–” she sniffled against his wet skin, raising her gaze to meet his. His dark eyes were swimming with turmoil. He was grieving for the loss of his partners, of his friends, and yet he was still holding every ounce of emotion in to avoid either of the younger females to see. This typical act of his was the kind of thing that made her feel very self conscious about how vulnerable she so often was around him, while he showed almost no vulnerability whatsoever. “I–”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, one hand smoothing through the sopping mass of hand on her hand and curling his fingers around the base of her skull, “I just–”

Her own hand slid up, grasping the back of his neck and forcing his head to tilt down so that his forehead bumped against her own. She nuzzled her nose against his, fluttering her eyes closed as his fingers began to slide down her back, finding purchase in the dip of her spine. 

As his lips came crashing onto her own, any instinct to push him away quickly faded away, her lips moving against his with fervour as her body relaxed against him, dormant to his touch. She moved her spare hand to rest on his chest, fingers curling into the coarse hair that scattered across the muscle, letting it slowly inch down his sternum and over his plush belly, resting along his lower stomach, as if asking for permission. 

He grunted against her, pulling her closer to his body at the teasing touches of her fingers. He was halfway there, continuing to harden against her thigh as his own fingers kneaded the flesh of her back, hips, and down to her bum. He let out a soft groan as she finally took him in her grasp, curling her digits around him and working at a slow, steady pace until he was ready.

They didn’t have much time, they both knew that. Ellie would come looking for them eventually, and while they didn’t expect her to be ignorant enough to not know what was going on upstairs, they didn’t need her interrupting–she had enough ammo against Joel as it was. Under normal circumstances, Joel would work her open and prepare her much better, though he could only press her against the tiled wall and tug her thighs apart, running his tip through her dampening folds experimentally.

“Ready?” He grunted, adjusting her thigh to curl around his waist. She nodded hastily, eyes squinting at the pinching sensation of him pressing into her. He paused once he was fully inside, allowing her to adjust to his presence and softly pressing kisses across her jaw and chin to calm her while softly swirling his fingers around her clit.

She curled one arm around his broad shoulders, holding him impossibly close while her other hand rested on the curve of his ass, holding him in place. Softly, she squeezed the taut muscle, signalling for him to move.

Y/n tilted her head back against the wall, the dry drag of him against her inner walls and the sensation against her clit combining to create a strange sensation somewhere between pain and pleasure, though she couldn’t quite place it. She was thankful that her body was quickly making adjustments to this intrusion, wetness beginning to flood her nether regions to lubricate the slow movements of his thrusts, making the pain fade significantly.

“Okay,” she gasped, “Go–go ahead.”

He nodded, lips and teeth dragging over the exposed expanse of her throat as he began a much quicker pace, fingers still working against her bundle of nerves in hopes of getting her there just as quickly as he knew that he would. It was embarrassing how soon he was able to feel his balls tighten in anticipation, curt grunts and groans transforming into desperate moans and pleas for release as he rutted into her. Her own sounds spurred him on, soft gasps and cries of his name reaching his ears as she clenched around him.

He panted her name, eyes clenched shut in concentration as her fingers wound into his hair. She tugged firmly, pulling his head back to force him to meet her gaze. Her eyes were hooded, lips parted to release her soft pants–she was a vision, and made it nearly impossible for him to keep himself from tipping over that edge. 

She nodded at him, “Go ahead–fuck–it’s okay.”

Y/n had accepted at this point that she wouldn’t finish. While the pleasure was certainly there, her body needed much more for that to happen, and neither of them had the time to make that happen. Regardless, she needed him just as much as he needed her; the act was providing some comfort to her, a distraction from the overwhelming grief that had taken over her entire being. She reached down, pushing his hand away from her clit moving it to her hips, continuing to encourage him towards his peak as she pressed soft kisses across his hairy jaw. 

With a loud grunt, he pulled out of her, watching in awe as she took him in her hand, stroking him at a quick pace until his spend began to spurt out, coating her hand and belly with an alarming amount. He sighed in relief, head dropping onto her shoulder as she slowed her pace, continuing to work him through it until she finally released her grip on him. 

Neither of them spoke another word as she moved back into the spray of the water, using a small dab of honey scented soap to wash away the mess he had made, then carefully helped him wash himself. She was gentle as she massaged the suds across his knuckles, cleaning the scabbing wounds for the first time since he had beaten that officer to death outside of the QZ. She felt him wince under her touch, confirming that the bones likely had fractured and had not been let to set and heal. 

Y/n left the shower first, leaving him to finish washing himself while she dried herself off and searched through the boxes of clothing that Frank had set aside for when she and Tess needed a fresh set, settling on a mauve henley and a pair of dark grey cargo pants. She made sure to stuff an extra set into her pack before moving to shuffle through the men’s clothing in search of a new shirt for Joel.

The bathroom door opened behind her, Joel stepping out in the pair of jeans that he had refused to pair with, shaking the water out of his thick hair with a towel as he locked eyes with her. 

“I, uh,” she tossed the forest green flannel across the room to him, “That looks like it should fit.”

“Thanks,” he grunted, tossing the towel onto the chair in the corner before slowly sliding the shirt over his shoulders and buttoning it in silence. “Look, I know–”

“Did you know?” She finally asked the burning question, scarcely sparing him a glance as she reached for the stick of deodorant on the dresser, “About Tess, I mean. Did you know that she was in love with you?”

He pursed his lips, hands moving to rest on his hips, “It wasn’t like that. Tess and I–before you came around…”

“You told me nothing was going on between you two.”

“I wasn’t lying. I–we put an end to things before you and I ever... She wanted more than I could give her.”

Y/n shook her head, “You couldn’t give it to her, but you could with me?”

“That’s different. You and I–we’re different.” He crossed the room, hands grasping her biceps tightly, “You know that.”

She chuckled, “But you knew. You knew the whole time why she hated me and you never even let me know?”

“That never woulda changed things, we both know that. Tess was a proud woman, and you findin’ out about her and I woulda only made it worse for you.”

“Joel, I was awful to her. I was so terrible to her sometimes, all because I had the one thing that she wanted.”

“She was worse to you. Shit, she treated you like a dog half the damn time. If you coulda heard half the shit she said about you when you weren’t there, you probably woulda clawed her eyes out.” He closed his eyes in frustration, “I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you, but I was doin’ what I thought was best for the group. What’s done is done.”

She frowned, the urge to fight with him some more dying out as she realised that he was right–no amount of anger or fighting would change the way that things happened. Tess is dead, and she would stay dead no matter how much hell Y/n put Joel through over this. 

She sighed, touching her forehead to his softly before pushing him away, “Fine. I just–I need some time.”

Ellie was poking around the house curiously when Y/n came down the stairs, leaning against the wall in faux-nonchalance at the sight of one of her guardians. Y/n shook her head at her, leaving her on her own once more as she settled on the front porch, taking a seat on the bench that she and Frank had chatted on for what seemed like forever on both of her visits. She sat in silence for a few moments, eyes scanning the overgrown town that had once seemed like a utopia, her peace broken as Ellie bounded down the front steps, footsteps heavier than what seemed possible for such a small girl. Joel appeared next to her, an expression of uncertainty on his features as she glanced up at him.

“You ready?” He asked for the second time that day, nodding towards the shed where the truck had been stored.

She nodded, following closely behind him towards the barn, chuckling to herself at the sight of the young girl as she buzzed around the truck excitedly. Y/n pushed her towards the front seat, allowing her to get the full experience of driving in a motorised vehicle for the very first time while she took the back. She was actually thankful for the extra space, aside from the mountain of supplies that Joel had stuffed into the back, giving her the chance to stretch her legs out a bit more. 

“It’s like a spaceship!” Ellie murmured in awe as she pressed every button she could reach, despite Joel’s scolding. She then turned to digging through the dash, digging out an old cassette and shoving it into the radio.

“Ellie, don’t–” Joel paused at the sound of the music playing over the shitty sound system of Bill’s old truck, “Wait, no this is good. This is Linda Ronstadt. Do you know who Linda Ronstadt is?”

Y/n smiled to herself as she listened to their bickering, turning to stare out the back window as Joel drove out through the gate, watching through watery eyes as Lincoln faded into the background, Bill and Frank’s memory going with it.

And I think I’m gonna love you

For a long, long time.

tags (i just tagged anyone who asked for more parts on previous chapters-lmk if you wanna be untagged): @mischiefmanaged2 @a-colletion-of-cells @lizlil @linneasblog @kuchokitty @imnotyourbcbe @amberpanda99 @floralsightings @lockleywife

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

I think a lot of what people miss about Rhea's character when trying to talk about how she handled 'literally everything' is what exactly Sothis' war with the Angarthans and later The Red Canyon meant, on a cultural scale.

Because the loss of the Nabateans is a genocide. She has not just lost siblings, nieces, nephews, teachers and family. She has lost her entire culture.

How many recipes have been lost, plant knowledge, rituals and oral stories. They must have had holidays, did they have another language? Dialects? Ways of life. She is one of the last remaining people who had any knowledge or understanding of their culture. Out of the other four, two have given up, the third, Seteth, wasn't there and might not have even been living there, and the fourth is Seteth's daughter who was with him.

Everything about Seiros from the moment her vengeance is over is now about the preservation of her culture and her family's memory. And every time Rhea expresses fear or rage, it is not solely for herself, but at things that get in the way of these two things.

Because the church is not entirely a church. It is a memorial to what happened.

When people revere things like crests and the goddess, they are honoring her people. The sacred weapons are the bones of her family, used to enforce the church, and therefore enforce the safety of their memory.

It's why a lot of Rhea's kindness VS her upholding a shitty system might not make a lot of sense at first. Why is someone who is actively sheltering the poor, personally picking out herbs that will ease her students suffering, and expresses such genuine desire to help, also allowing such systemic disparity?

Because she doesn't see the crest nobility system in terms of human politics. She sees it as the blood of her family and the magic of her people being upheld as something important; no individual has to die and be forgotten if their blood is treated as sacred.

Rhea genuinely loves the people around her and wants what's best for them.

Rhea will always put the preservation of her culture and her family above all else.

These two things can coexist.

(Admittedly, while I think her choosing to burn down the city in CF is in character with this context, I also fully believe they did that just to make killing her seem Totally Okay and that you were Absolutely Right to be a complete american and take over other people's countries because You Definitely Know Better Than Them.)

But yeah, if Rhea's ultimate goal is to preserve her family's memory at any cost, then her extreme reaction in CF becomes clear: you have stolen the bodies of her family, destroyed the church and all the memorials used to honor them. You have personally taken the bones of her mother and are siding with the people responsible for her death.

You are also the child of Sitri, another person who she considered so deeply to be part of her family that she's preserved her body, just as she has with the rest of them. You have what is both Sothis' heart and Sitri's heart.

Siding with Edelgard isn't a slap in the face, it's an extreme and very personal gutting. You are betraying everything she has dedicated her whole life for. By the time she has made the decision to burn down the city, every other ideal or personal preference is no longer allowed to matter. She is no longer Rhea, allowed to be her own person in small ways, she is Seiros, an avatar of her people seeking Vengeance.

I also brought up Sothis' war with the Angarthans because while we don't know if Rhea existed during this time period, we do know that she aware of what happened: the Angarthans had very advanced technology, and they used this technology to try to murder the shit out of Sothis.

Notably, Rhea has also disallowed a number of technology advancements to happen.

It isn't a hard leap to guess that she's terrified of this happening again. If humanity creates technology that can cause damage beyond what she's capable of dealing with, there's no Sothis who can stop them. There's no second chances this time.

(While I would definitely only call this a theory, you could make the argument that Rhea's plan was to only prevent advancement until she was able to revive Sothis. Sothis would be able to fix things if humanity went to nuclear war, and it's very likely that Rhea is in expectation that her mother would have always taken back control. Rhea must continue to perservere, telling herself she will finally rest when it's all over.)

It's important to say that this doesn't excuse the crest system or the many problems within the church system. While this was ultimately Rhea's way of honoring her family, it's obviously a very flawed approach that harms more than it helps, and is filled with so many lies that it obscures the reality of the tragedy, allowing the chance for it to be repeated out of ignorance.

(The Tragedy of Duscur could also be considered a genocide. While it's not possible to say for sure, if the people of Fargeus had grown up learning the true story of the Red Canyon and had been fully educated on what the destruction of an entire culture means, would they have committed such atrocious actions? This is definitely just spit balling. But growing up I had been told again and again that it was important to know your history to prevent repeating it, and I can't help but think of this as an example.)

When I talk about her possible reasoning for choosing to go about it this way, it is never to say it's an excuse, but to make it understandable for her character and what she was experiencing at that time.

Very notably, when Seiros had survived the massacre, we don't have an exact timeline of what happened from there. We know of things that happened, we know Wilhelm "saved her" and kept her from hating humanity for what some of its people did to hers. We know that she raised an army, but we don't know how much of that army was raised before the idea was spread that Seiros had a vision of the goddess and such. We don't even know if Seiros herself had meant it to become so religiously oriented and more fantastical in nature in the beginning. Saying she was "sent by the goddess" could be a personal metaphor for her responsibility to enact vengeance on behalf of her people and mother. We don't know how much she told Wilhelm, or how much the soldiers around her inferred from her words.

What we do know is that she just had her home invaded and the bones of her people made into weapons, and that her own life and the life of the four remaining Nabetaens are at risk of this happening to them if the people around her find out that's something that's possible. We know that she didn't trust people for a long time. It makes sense to lie about what the crest weapons are at the time to protect her life. It makes sense that, in a world where she believes she can bring her mother back, that she let people worship Sothis as the goddess she is after the horrible disrespect that was enacted upon desecrating her corpse. It makes sense that she would allow the lie to continue and let the truth be concealed after finally getting the bones of her people back, because the fight may be over, but the risk isn't, and it's still so soon after it happened. Flayn is in a coma and therefore also extremely vulnerable to being killed for her crest and bones. We don't know when the two other remaining Nabetaens left, but Seteth had to care for his daughter. Seiros was very likely alone, a traumatized woman who has just finished her one and only goal and has no one to confide in, except maybe Wilhelm.

So what do you tell the thousands of people who have sworn to follow you? What do you do with the remains of your people now that you have saved them?

She could have told them everything. She could have. She didn't. We don't know why she didn't, but after what happened, she had plenty of reason to be afraid to.

At the end of the day, FE3H is about how people react to tragedy, how people grieve, and the decisions that come from that grief. The three lords of the game are each reacting to their own personal tragedies, of murder and torture and of isolation from the people around them. They are grieving themselves, and who they could have been, and Rhea isn't any different.

(Admittedly this makes me love the parallels between Rhea and Edelgard all the more. They lost their families and proceed to make their entire life about their families.

Because remember: Edelgard did not survive out of merit. She didn't survive because she was stronger or smarter or better than her siblings. She survived because of her crest; a luck of the draw.

She is preserving their memory the only way she knows how: by creating a world where they could have survived. These policies are in their honor.)

[wildissylupus]

Here's some headcannons that no one asked for;

Pre, during and immediately post Crisis Cassidy headcannon's

Note; some of these are updated headcannons from stuff I've previously talked about.

Pre-Crisis

I've stated this in previous posts but I personally don't like the headcanon that Cassidy's bio family was abusive, one because I think if they were good people it makes Cassidy loosing them all the more heart breaking, two, because it further foils Cassidy and Ashe, Cassidy's bio family being good people but dead while Ashe's parents are incredibly shitty people while unfortunately being alive.

Cassidy's bio family consisted of his mum, (step-)dad, aunt (bio dads side), and two younger sisters. Cassidy bio dad died before he was born so the only dad he really knew at that point was his step-dad.

Cassidy's mum is from Dorado and went to visit immediately before the Crisis hit, Cassidy and the rest of his family were supposed to join her a few days later but then the Crisis hit. She died but Cassidy didn't really know what happened to her until he joined Overwatch, he looked up what happened to her and that's when he found out she was dead.

Cassidy and his family lived on a farm but would often travel to either a near by city or to Dorado as a family.

Cassidy was taught how to shoot by his aunt from a very young age, they mostly used fake guns though since, y'know, he was a child.

They had a lot of animals on the farm but the ones that always cause Cassidy's attention were the horses.

Cassidy's little sisters were twins and they were 3 years younger than him, one of them was named Maria and the other was Alyssa.

His aunts name was Cassandra, his mums name was Coleta and his dads name was Morris.

Cassidy always has been, and always will be, obsessed with cowboys and horses.

During the Crisis

Like I said before, Cassidy's mother wasn't with the rest of the family when the Crisis started, however Cassidy's family was immediately effected, Cassidy's dad dying in the inital waves of Omnics being taken under the control of Anubis.

Cassidy's aunt and his sister Alyssa died in a bandit raid when people and gangs started taking advantage of the Crisis. Alyssa wasn't able to get out of the house in time and Cassandra died distracting the bandits away from Cassidy and Maria. This happened moths later after Morris's death.

Cassidy actually witnessed Maria dying, she died due to blood loss in a shoot out between Cassidy and a group of other, more hostile, survivors while they were trying to get to the nearest city. This happened weeks after the deaths of Cassandra and Alyssa, Maria only lasted a day after the shoot out. This all happened withing the first year of the Crisis.

When Cassidy finally got to the nearest city he found it in ruins, the only moving things being Omnics. He nearly died looking for anyone who could help him, then he nearly died again scavenging for food. After that Cassidy avoided cities but his problems didn't stop because there was still other humans to worry about (I'll get into why I think people were a big problem for Cassidy in a different post cause that's it's own analysis)

Cassidy was always a good shot so with only himself to worry about it was easy to defend himself. He was also very observant so whenever he had to deal with Omnics he managed to find a way to survive them quickly.

Cassidy killed a few humans during the Crisis, and injuring a lot of others. At this point Cassidy's only objective was survive at any cost, he didn't feel guilty about the things he did until right before Deadlock.

Cassidy mostly survived on scrapes he picked up when he could and by the point he found people who might have helped him, his trust and faith in people had already evaporated.

There are only a couple things of his families that survived the crisis, his fathers hat, his mothers cookbook and his aunts leather jacket. Initially Cassandras gun also survived but it was taken away later in the deadlock novel. (When he joined Blackwatch he got his gun modelled after hers, same with his current gun)

Cassidy considers the person he was before the Crisis dead.

Post-Crisis, Pre-Deadlock

Jesse Mcree and Cole Cassidy aren't his given names, if you like this head cannon you can choose whatever name you want but personally I think his given name is Joel and his original last is Mercer (cause I'm unoriginal, also two points, one, If I'm writing with my "Sombra is his bio sibling" headcanon/AU his last name is Colomar, two, Mercer is an old English, Scottish and Irish last name so my "Cassidy is part Irish" headcannon still holds up with this headcannon)

Cassidy also considers the name Jesse Mcree as an alias since he came up with it on the spot but considers Cole Cassidy as his chosen name.

Cassidy didn't trust people and didn't stay in one place to start trusting people, that changed when he met Julian, Julian was the first person to get past one of Cassidy's walls and get him to stay in one place long enough to adjust to people again.

Though before then the more he moved post crisis the less and less violent he became cause people weren't attacking him (as often)

After he met Julian he didn't really open up, but this is when the Cassidy we know and love in the Deadlock novel formed. It was also kind of the initial forming of several of Cassidy's toxic coping mechanism of focusing on everyone else's problems but his own started, it was also the start of Cassidy making himself the scapegoat to protect other people.

Essentially during the year before Cassidy met Ashe he kind of semi delt with what he went through in the Crisis and becoming some what adjusted to society again. (It's mostly him just learning to mask his trauma)

Anyway hope you all enjoyed that!! See you all in my next post!!

[saebeau]

Hey guys. I'm back!

(Please, if you find any errors in the writing, I'm sorry, English is not my first language, I'm still learning and I'm definitely not going to go through Google Tanslate because GT is shit that I don't trust.)

So, we come to the end. I am so saaaaad. Well, my last post about Perfect Marriage Revenge got a lot of likes and reposts, so first off, thank you very much, I'm really surprised it was somewhat popular!

Then, as expected, some people asked me to do another post with more backstory and canon facts from the novel and webtoon.

So here I am. This will be long, be ready.

To differentiate from the previous one, in this post I will add the backstory, trivia and facts of all the main leads like some of the ones highlighted in some eps. Of course, i am also giving my very personal opinions.

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

1 - Yi Joo.

• She was adopted by Mr. Han FIRST WIFE. Yes, before marrying Jung Hye he had an official wife chosen by his family. Somehow this lady found out about Yi Joo and brought her home and this lady treats her well. Mrs. Han also knew about Mr. Han's affair with Jung Hye.

• Yi Joo for almost 15 years believed that Mrs. Han was the one who poisoned her with the macaron, but still grieved her death. The reason: she had memory loss! And in the “broken” glimpses she had she saw the “mother’s” figure appearing above that of Jung Hye who was in her house at that moment.

• She was a very lonely person throughout her life (+ in Yoo Ra's post), so her personality diverges from the drama. Novel|Webtoon she has a more serious, direct and insightful approach to people, she is kind and generous (much more confident!), but not as “naive” as in the drama. I can tell she is antisocial. She also didn't like being touched. Growing up, Yi Joo knew Jung Hye and Yoo Ra's true side very well and stayed away as much as possible (her marriage was a pass for that), she tried to at least stay close to her father, but he's an idiot, So, yes, no.

• Regarding her death, explaining the accident itself went like this: Yi Joo was hit by Do Guk's car, and Do Guk's car was hit by none other than Secretary Kim Jae Won's car right on the driver's side! YES! All of them at the same time, like, what the fuck!?

• EXTRA • I already explained a little about her relationship with Se Hyeok so just to be sure: Yi Joo wanted a family, a real family and Se Hyeok was chosen, obviously (he was her closest friend and now her husband) she I trusted and cared for him (apparently, him too), so it was perfect. But Yi Joo just wasn't ready to have any involvement like that (with anyone), she had a lot of trauma to deal with before starting any plan, she didn't have any feelings for him, never had, never expected but a couple hopes to have a child one day, so Yi Joo was taking her time, even with her mother-in-law being shitty. (+ in the Se Hyeok Family post.)

2 - Do Guk.

• In the novel | webtoon he is much more playful and funny. He is also good at seducing (Exclusive Yi Joo), even though he has “castrated” and “monk” as his nicknames. The women in his office are always trying to get his attention because he is super kind but still very difficult to approach. Do Guks is absolutely a pleaser for Yi Joo, he compliments and hype her up any time, anywhere, making Yi Joo very flustered.

• He is very traumatized by the accident with his brother Jung Wook, it was more detailed in the novel/webtoon; the two obviously had a fight, Jung Wook hurt his leg on the edge of the ship and fell but Do Guk also fell and almost died too! But his father, (that idiot) cared more about the boy who no longer had his mother instead of just taking care of both of them equally, so this only made Jung Wook more confident with his lame excuses and Do Guk more distant from his family , especially his father, since almost everyone thought he pushed Jung Wook, leaving him permanently disabled.

• Do Guk has a closer relationship with his sister than the drama lets on. She is always supporting him and giving him encouragement whenever he needs it. They're always joking or fighting with each other and at the same time they can have really deep conversations, like, super brother energy. After he marries Yi Joo, it seems they become even closer.

• I love how much he is like his mother in many ways: they are both very honest, understanding, never judge and fully embrace a person in need. He also has her smart and cunning side! He loves his family, that's clear, but he just can't stand the fact that no one believed in him and that's a thorn in his heart. Tru, in the middle of the novel, he starts to have more contact with his parents because of Yi Joo's family mess, they get closer and develop a better relationship after putting their cards on the table, especially because Jung Wook is with more and more reckless and Mr. Seo is "getting it" now.

• EXTRA • Many of you are curious to know how Do Guk met Yi Joo before the accident and was already in love at the time. Well, in the Novel, he was at a business party when he went out to the balcony to get some fresh air, and there was Yi Joo, in a beautiful white dress crying silently to herself. Yup, love at first sight. Very Do Guk thing.

3 - Yi Joo | Do Guk as a couple.

• Much of their relationship is portrayed very well in the drama. But I'm still sad because they took a lot out of the final script. They have many scenes, including some "steamy" ones that would make your screens shake!

• We absolutely know that they did the “deed” a lot. With Yi Joo initiating some of them on the novel. Speaking of intimacy, I understand that some of you were not satisfied with the reasons that led you to the first time, but personally, I like the meaning it has; Neither Yi Joo nor Do Guk knew how to fully express their feelings that time. It was too much for both of them. But one thing they knew is that Do Guk loves her and she is heartbroken and they wanted to make that clear, ease their feelings and comfort each other. In the Webtoon/Novel it is more romantic, more fluid and happened at the moment of realization and acceptance of Yi Joo's feelings for Do Guk.

• Do Guk and Yi Joo have great harmony, they embrace each other's desires, feelings and flaws so much that it makes every person around them "see" how much they love each other. This becomes clearer if you read the novel. Through their plans, they are very reassuring, supportive and loving at the same time as they carry many hesitations and fears for each other's lives, even more so after discovering that they both went back in time and she became pregnant.

• EXTRA • Do Guk proposes to Yi Joo again after they slept together and confess their feelings for each other some time later. He takes her to an amusement park, even though her fear increases a little. In the afternoon, when they are leaving, he stops her and confesses again and offers her a new ring and asks for her hand again. This represents their true beginning, now together. +EXTRA • THEY HAVE TWIN SONS AND A DAUGHTER. ♡♡♡

4 – Jung Hye (stepmother)

• She's a bitch. She is greedy, nasty and a liar. To be honest, there isn't much to say about her. Do you see the drama? She's almost the same. Starting with the comparisons, in the Webtoon / Novel she is not as elegant, to say the opposite, she is much more theatrical, she has a very expressive face but easily loses her composure when her mask is being ripped off.

• On Webtoon | In the novel (drama too) Jung Hye makes her presence felt by being a calculating person, she is manipulative and is very good at leading people the way she wants. One of the differences in the drama is that Jung Hye always knew that Yi Joo was the biological daughter, but never thought that Yi Joo would find out, especially after years of torture and psychological abuse, repeatedly remembering the fact that she is a stranger and no one would never be by her side. Mr. Han's constant alienation to his daughter's situation was all Jung Hye needed.

• All her life she lied and stole from men for her own gains and destroyed their lives. I don't believe Jung Hye has that backstory, she's just sadistic and selfish. I also don't believe they will put Jung Hye's past cruelties on screen, and I believe, she has done some bad things. One of them is related to Secretary Kim, so be prepared for that. (+ at secretary Kim Post)

• EXTRA • I could feign some merit for her character if she had any, but she's the villain; that's what she was made for, being evil and cruel in particular, she herself has no reasonable "reason" for being that way. She might have had a difficult childhood, neglectful parents or abuse and things like that, but none of that "explains" the things she did to Yi Joo.

5 - Yoo Ra

• So, this bish right here. How can i explain this pathetic spoiled nasty girl?! Yoo Ra is selfish and jealous, we know that many of it was lead after many years of her mother manupulation, (you can see on the last episodes) that's f*cked up and sad at the same time. She's being raised by the evil itself and this evil is her mother, the only person caring for her. It is hard to explain. Yoo Ra's personality was constructed to be best by any meaning, with the same finality, being better than Yi Joo and overtrow her.

• In the Webtoon | Novel she is way more cinic, her feigh innocence give me chills too. She's always wants to shine brighter, to have the best and take things that she thinks it belongs to her by any way, and this is a great reflection from her mother. She's always trying to make people pity her, thinking she's a angel (in special her dad) so people around are always focusing on the "most apparent" reason (she plays a lot with her words), her jealous and envious adoptive sister. She brings hell to Yi Joo. Oh, the way she plays the victim all the time, god, my nerves.

• In middle school, highschool and college too, Yoo Ra always carefully made people go against Yi Joo, making ger suffer a lot with bullying from Yoo Ra's friends. One in special is in the drama, the employee that gave food to Do Guk! That girl was a very close friend to Yoo Ra in high school, the girl didn't know but she was basically doing the dirty job for Yoo Ra: sending people to vandalize and destroy Yi Joo table and books, shoving and tripping her around the hallways, isolating, insulting and even putting threatning mensagens in Yi Joo's locker.

• Too bad for her that Yi Joo still met Soo Jin, Do Guks cousin that suffered bullying too (Yoo Ra didn't know that she belonged to the Seo family) because that helped a lot on the future when Soo Jin told her family about her being bullied because Yoo Ra was in the middle of it, so it's a important part in the novel.

• So about her ending, she deserved everything. Se Hyeok and his sister were nothing to her, just a pawn to hurt Yi Joo. But Yoo Ra was still carrying his child and Se Hyeok's family had to accept her because everybody knew the baby was his and if they didn't do it their "reputation" would be ruined. So basically Yi Joo life was now hers, but worse; she almost send her sister in law to jail, tarnished her mother in law image and broke Se Hyeok heart in the worst way possible add the fact the she basicaly ruined them financially. In the Webtoon | Novel, they had to sold the house and all luxury things to live. Yoo Ra was a mother at home, cleaning, cooking, washing and suffering with both mother and sister constant resentment and anger and Se Hyeok negligence.

• EXTRA • Her final scene is were she meet her mother at jail, she's says that she won't be visiting anymore and carry on with her life, she's sounds somewhat regretful and depressive for everything, but, at the same time, frustrated and angry with her situation and with her mother. But in the drama, GURL! Freezing shoulder, insults, bad atittude. DANG WOMAN! (*Insane clapping*)

6 - Mr. Han.

• Ugly ass, hate him, like, go to hell. Like literally, couldn't he hold thay d*ck on his pants a little bit?! For this i'm gonna make it short. I could keep talkind about his severe neglicence with Yi Joo, angry bursts and really evil words towards but this would just stress me out. As i said, i hate him, f*ck him.

• He met Yi Joo's mother when he was really young, but little time later abandoned her not knowing she was pregnant to marry his first wife. He started his affair with Jung Hye little time later, who was pretending to he his wife's friend. He tried to reach out with Yi Joo's mother but only knew about the fire and the deaths so he left this memory behind. He wasn't a good son too, never even remembering he had a sick dad. Aparently this family blood makes men turn into idiots.

• I don't really know how easily he was manipulated by Jung Hye, but his end was just deserving by how shitty of a person he was most of his life. Jung Hye poisoned him with a lot of pills for years, making him sick all the time, one day he tries to go down the stair, but fall, having a fracture and losing his legs movements, biding him to a weelchair. As fragile as he was, Yi Joo still drops the bomb the she is his daughter, that Jung Hye knew and now she was taking the family business. He keeps in denial for a long time until he sees his wife true face.

• He ends up alone, passing his years constantly helping Yoo Ra with money, still pitting on her, and being treated as nothing because he has nothing to offer anymore.

• EXTRA • About his ending on the drama, and the talk with Yi Joo's mother, i still hate it, he deserved worse. He's even in "good terms" with Yi Joo too! He was pathetic and coward. It was a considerably neutral ending for him, i can live with that but won't ever accept it.

7 - Seo Family

• Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. (thank u icon Lady Gaga)

• Despite his dad being a bit stupid, this family is what i truly desire in in-laws. They're suportive, kind, empathetic and the best of the best. In the Novel | Webtoon, there all more playfull, Mrs. Cha is who i love the most, she recognize Yi Joo the first time they meet but hides it. Mr. Han takes more time but tru the novel he just becames kinder and kinder.

• Do-Na and Jae Ho are super cute, they have a lot of scenes together in the Novel | Webtoon. They're lovely, Jae Ho being Do Guks best friend and brother in-law is such a mood. I would absolutely love a spin-off about their story. We love a good spin-off.

• Soo-Jin got a man too! We love a great best friend having a happy end. Love this girl.

• EXTRA • They go crazy when Yi Joo gets pregnant. Shes makes a anouncement to the family and they flip off after seeing the ultrasound showing the twins. It is so worthing seeing on the webtoon.

8 - Jae Wook

• He is way more evil. Egoist. Liar. Thief. Loves to do psycological terror on his family. Literally pretending to be disabled for almost two decades like, THE HELL?! For him i'm going to list his crimes.

• Theft. Embellzement. Murder. Atempt of murder. Many atempts to kill Do Guk + poisoned Yi Joo on a restorant while trying to corner her and puts her on a hospital bed. Paid someone to PUSH YI JOO OUT OF BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA just to make Do Guk more traumatized because the poor guy jumped to save her. This is mind blowing. Both in the drama and Novel | Webtoon the bomb in the car is there and its TENSE!

• Look, this guy has absolutely abandoment issues but if he wanted to kill somebody, this person is his dad not his brother. Like, all his life he believed that was his dad that kicked his mother to the curb and separated her from him, so he planned and planned just to end up in jail, where his discover that his mother was the one who abandoned him by her own will to be with another man. THE CLOWN!

• EXTRA • His initial plan was to seduce Yi Joo. *trow up*.

9 - Se Hyeok.

• Fake b*tch. LOSER! I already explained everything about him on the other post. I won't waste time with this idiot. He never truly apologized to Yi Joo, i don't think he regreted much of it too. He passed the rest of his life with Yoo Ra, between hate and love, and with his bloodsucker family.

• F*ck him. Their last scene on the drama was perfect.

•Byyye.

• EXTRA • The way he got back with Yoo Ra was WAS AMAZING! I adore that they kept the original (almost) scene of him presenting his future fiance & family (a very rich one by the way) to to Jae Sook and Se-Hee and BANG! Yoo Ra's at the door claiming that she's going to live with them (she's got nowhere else to go) because she was with his child. LIKE?! In the novel, the hell breaks and she almost get physical with his mother, sister and fiance! The end.

10 - Se Hyeok's Family.

• His mother (Jae Sook) and sister (Se-Hee) were both greedy and mean people, always pressuring Yi Joo with money and luxury things. Yi Joo basically sustained the house were she was treated as maid but it was never enough for them (with Se Hyeok giving his back for the situation they were always bold).

• They made Yi Joo cook, clean and taking care both of the house and her own job without a moment of peace. Jae Sook was the worst one, she wanted a grandchild at any way just to have more rights about Yi Joo's heiritance, torturing poor Yi Joo about it and even making medical apointments to see why she wasn't still pregnant, not knowing that Yi Joo never even kissed Se Hyeok in her life.

• Se-Hee was the usual spoiled brat that never takes a "no" for a answer, ya'll see in the drama how bad she treats even her own brother. I think it was a great lesson for her almost going to jail about her posts on the internet about Yi Joo, she almost got crazy and i loved every second of it. In the Webtoon, she looks way more paranoic after discovering what time of person Yoo Ra was.

• EXTRA • KARMA GOT Y'ALL! XOXO!

11 - Secretary Kim Jae Won

• In the novel, he was adopted by his dad and was very loved. Some time later Mr. Kim met Jung Hye, married and aparently had a happy life (i don't know if Yoo Ra was already on the page that time). Then gradually his dad got sick and sick, getting worse to find his end binded in a bed and, even as a small kid, Jae Won suspected of his "mother".  (I think she used some "pills" again?)

• His dad was a famous painter and had a great fortune so we can get why Jung Hye "popped out" since she was already on the market of falsifications.

• His dad died when he was pre-teens, Jung Hye got a way to have all the money and soon pushed him to the fartest orphanage. He held grudges all his life because he had this feeling that Jung Hye did all. Well, he came with a very brilliant revenge i dare say.

• EXTRA • He was way more charming on the Novel | Webtoon and had more personality (i don't know why they just made him almost a "blank paper", such a turn off). He was more active too in the plans.

12 - Jamie / Yi Joo's bio mother

• So, this woman suffered, i surelly could describe her suffering but i think y'all saw the drama, but the Webtoon | Novel made me tearful, truly. Mr. Han was bullshit. Her dad was bullshit. The Jung Hye comes and there's more sociopath bullshit to put fire on her house with a baby inside. Like, this woman did everything to survive alone after Mr. Han left her to get married to a rich family and still had to get almost killed by one of his lovers.

• As you know she discovered it all, and of course, revenge. I pity her because when Yi Joo found out about her it wasn't that calm as in the drama, Yi Joo even denies her existence. I can understand Yi Joo side because tecnically her mom watched her being abused, it was a misuderstanding, but she felt abandoned again and wasn't open to receive this affection now.

• A thing that i missed was her encounter with Jung Hye and THAT SCENE OHMYGOD WHYDIDTHEYLEFTITOUT!!!. You all remember that Jung Hye needed the votes to be the president, right?! So she called to the unknow 5% shareholder to meet AND WHO'S THERE?! Yes, the mama. Jung Hye don't recognize at first but Jamie just spilled the tea to her and she's f*cked. OH Jung Hye face was ahhhh?!!! I love the Webtoon.

• EXTRA • The webtoon it's on the final chapters but Yi Joo and Jamie reconcilied and doing well, of course, WITHOUT MR. HAN on their lives because that's what he deserves!

•••• SO MY FINAL THOUGHTS ARE...••••

I LOVE THE ENDING, THE FAMILY, THE BABY, GIRL, THE PAINTING, SE HYEOK AND YOO RA HATING EACH OTHER, JUNG HYE ON JAIL! That's everything i wanted, like, they left things that i loved out but still maintened the main plot and did really well. I would like to thank all the actors and actresses that put all their effort in this drama and made it perfect.

PERFECT MARRIAGE REVENGE  <3 <3 <3 <3.

Thank you all the came here. Have a great night. Byyyeee.

[gontagokuhara]

THE WORLD BUILDINGG omg I'm so happy I asked. Also, I appreciate that you kept the spoilers out of the response, I really want to experience the story without knowing the surprises! I was tiptoeing around my questioning to try and avoid spoilers. I'm gonna be so honest, these asks are mostly self indulgent questions to get rid of my own brain worms😭

Like what was Rantaro's tattoo of!? Those kinds of things! Speaking of rantaro, I'm sorry, the funniest part of the previous response was hearing how Rantaro is the shining light of naegami's life, and then remembering that one response where you wrote that Rantaro terrorized Byakuya for years to show off to Shuichi 😭 I just know he's spoiled to all hell💀 I'm kind of curious what their household looked like, especially when shuichi's mom was still alive 💔

Also I think it's hilarious to imagine the gods putting up with their children's Gen-Z shenanigans. Like how is a literal immortal mystical being supposed to react and relate when their mortal child starts singing kirkalicous 💀

im so late answering this im so sorry 😭 i choose to blame tumblr's absolute dogwater notification system. but ANYWAYS! some questions have been asked and some answers are in order. customarily under the cut for anyone who doesnt care <3

i ALSO love the little silly details like that, even when it's very hard to develop them properly in the confines of the fic itself. like rantarou's tattoo; a very shitty stick-and-poke he did himself in the jankiest, unsafest way at age 14 while the parents were out of town and with shuuichi as his only witness. of a smiley face, his own handiwork, badly imprinted just above his ankle where he figured it would be easiest to hide from his dads (so far, it's worked). it's definitely what would terrorize makoto and (ESPECIALLY) byakuya the most, though his attempts at dyeing his own hair and piercing himself across the years have keyed them into his antics by now.

he is very spoiled, they both are, and as i've mentioned even before shuuichi moved in permanently with rantarou, they treated him like family long before he ever officially was. makoto and shuuichi's mom were especially close, definitely spent many an afternoon by the pool or sitting in shuuichi's old apartment or monitoring their sons together and gossiping like southern old ladies between laughter at the kids' antics. even before their households were forced to properly merge, they were common fixtures in each other's lives. initially because makoto caught wind of another demigod child in rantarou's vicinity at school, but the more time passed, and the more makoto/byakuya learned about the child and his mother (though unforthcoming with details about shuuichi's parentage), the more organic the friendships between the parents became. in that sense they were genuinely devastated by her death (an odd feeling for two ancient gods) but also genuinely passionate about taking in shuuichi because they love him, he's already family in everything but name, it's an absolute no-brainer in the aftermath of the loss.

also your last little comment about karkalicious 😭 immediately reminded me of kokichi. imagine being the parent of that and having to deal with his bullshit. good thing he's not got any, huh? (though hajime and nagito certainly deal with enough bullshit as his guardians/at camp that they're practically entitled to a veteran's discount atp)

[windwardstar]

so I ended up writing a letter to my mother asking about hair loss and some other medical history for that side of the family, and also decided to tell her I’m trans + my name so I don’t have to deal with her deadnaming and misgendering me whenever she tries to send me shit.

I kind of expected this, but she was super good about names and pronouns and shit in the response. (And had apparently questioned if I was trans as a teen aka she knew because WOW I was obvious about it.)

my emotions are rather odd right now. Like. it would almost be easier if she had been shitty in her letter. But also it’s kind of funny, because like yes, she is a terrible shitty mother who was neglectful at best but she not a raging bigot/fox news republican like the other side of my family. like, if you ignore the part where she was a shitty mother/the abuse, she’s actually a decent person in terms of basically everything else. (Which like... given how obvious I was as a kid, i’m glad I didn’t have to face that aspect of hate from her, and even had an accepting environment for that aspect where i had been able to just be me gender and orientation wise. And the now hindsight terror of what my life would have been like had my dad had custody of me instead at that age.)

and just because i think i need it written down/explicitly stated, just because she's good with this doesn't mean I owe her any more contact or have to have anything to do with her. i cut her out of my life for a reason.

[night-time-writing]

Momo is Tired, Todoroki is Indifferent

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44752541

Written for my friend @bakudeku-positivity

Summary: The five times Bakugo and Midoriya refuse to talk about their feelings, and the one time that Momo losses her shit. Todoroki and Momo are tired of Bakugo and Midoriya dancing around each other so they come up with a plan to get them together. It doesn't go as planned.

Word Count: 7,478

1.

Izuku was in his dorm room laying on his bed reading one of his older All Might comics. He was moving his legs in the air, happy to have some free time just for himself.

“Midoriya, we should date.” Todoroki stated as he walked into Izuku’s bedroom, startling Izuku. Izuku jumped slightly, turning toward the door and pushing himself up into a seated position.

“Wait, what?” Izuku asked, getting off his bed to fully face his friend. “What do you mean Todoroki? Aren’t you dating Yaoyorozu? Why would you want to date me? You know I like Kacchan. Did something happen between you and Yaoyorozu? Did you break up? Are you okay? Do you need my help with something?”

“No, Momo and I are fine.” Todoroki took a step back as Izuku started walking toward him, clearly distraught for Todoroki. “If we were to fake date, it could help you with Bakugo.”

Izuku stopped walking and started to mumble to himself. “Oh, I get it. If he saw that I was dating someone then he might get jealous enough to do something and we could start dating. But of course, that’s assuming that Kacchan actually likes me back. So, it wouldn’t be worth it if nothing happened. However, at least then I would know if he even likes me. But what about Yaoyorozu, to her it would look like her boyfriend just randomly started to date someone else. Unless Todoroki told her of course.” Izuku stopped for a second and looked at Todoroki. “I think it might be a good idea, but I will only do it if you and Yaoyorozu are both okay with it.”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have suggested it if not.”

“Thank you, Todoroki, this will be great. Since we are already friends, we don’t really have to change the way we act. Though I do suppose that we should call each other by our first names when around others. I also know how we can tell Kacchan. My mom and I are having dinner at Kacchan’s house on Saturday. I'll have to ask my mom if you can come, but I’m sure she’ll be happy for you to come, and they always make too much food anyway. What do you think about that Todoroki?”

“Sure.”

“Great, I’ll text my mom and we can work out our story while we wait,” Izuku said, grabbing Todoroki’s arm and dragging him over to the bed, grabbing an empty notebook and pencil before sitting down with Todoroki.

…

Saturday Shoto, Midoriya, and Midoriya’s mother all stood outside the Bakugo household, deserts in hand. Midoriya explained it to Shoto saying that when they had dinner at the Bakugo’s, the Bakugo’s made dinner, and the Midoriya’s made desert. Although they all ended up helping with dinner anyway.

Midoriya knocked on the door, and as he moved back the door swung open to reveal a woman who looked a lot like Bakugo. She smiled at them “I’m so glad you guys could come. Come on in and make yourself at home.” She then moved to the side to let them in.

As the four of them walked into the living Bakugo jumped up from the couch and pointed at them. “What the fuck are you doing in my house Icy Hot” he shouted at them.

“Knock it off you brat, Todoroki is our guest, Izuku invited him.” Mrs. Bakugo shouted back at Bakugo before turning back around, smiling at them. “Anyway, you boys should hang out while we finish making dinner. Later you should tell me all about how schools been Izuku.”

“Okay Auntie, come on Shoto, let’s go talk to Kacchan.” Midoriya grabbed Shoto’s hand and gently led Shoto toward the still fuming Bakugo who was yelling something about an old hag.

“The fuck is he doing here Deku. He’s not fucking family, it’s bad enough I have to deal with your shitty nerd ass.” Bakugo growled.

“Come on Kacchan don’t be like that, that’s mean. I invited Shoto because he is my boyfriend and I thought it would be nice for him to meet all the important people in my life.” Midoriya said entwining his fingers with Shoto’s and raising their clasped hands as if that explained everything.

Bakugo’s eyes widened for a second before he went back to glaring harshly at the two boys. Bakugo opened his mouth probably to start yelling at them, but was interrupted by Mrs. Bakugo’s happy shouts of congratulations. As the adults came closer to the boys to ask questions about their relationship, Shoto wondered if it was normal for people to introduce their fake boyfriends to their families.

…

Fucking Icyhot and Deku were dating. Katsuki was surprised by this news, but quickly recovered and started to glare at them. just because they were dating did not give Deku the right to invite the half and half bastard into Katsuki’s house. Katsuki opened his mouth to tell them such when his mom started shouting about how great the news was. Fucking old hag.

“Oh Izuku, that’s so great. I think it’s great that you felt like he should meet us.”

“I’m so happy for you Izuku. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? When did you two get together?” Auntie asked going up to Deku and pulling him into a hug. The shitty nerd didn’t tell his own mother?

“I wanted to tell everyone all at once, and we haven’t been dating for too long, at least officially, but we have been really close for years now,” Deku smiled as he was passed between the adults being pulled into hugs and the whole time he didn’t once let go of Icyhot’s hand.

Todoroki looked like a doll. He hasn’t said a single word since stepping into the house, and he just moved with Deku as he was pulled around. How the fuck could Deku date that thing. It had to be like dating a brick wall, he didn’t do anything, Deku could do better.

“Why aren’t you dating anyone brat?” the old hag demanded, smacking him upside the head, interrupting his thought, and the glare he was boring into the back of Deku’s head.

“Shut up you old hag! I am dating someone.” Katsuki argued, he wasn’t going to let Deku one-up him. At the announcement everyone’s attention was turned on Katsuki. He had to quickly come up with someone, someone who would go along with what he said, but also prove his superiority. If he said he was dating Yaoyorozu, maybe he would upset Icy Hot and show Deku that he was the best at everything, including being a boyfriend. “Her name is Yaoyorozu Momo.”

Deku’s eyes widened with shock. This pissed Katsuki off even more, was it so unbelievable that he could have a girlfriend like Ponytail.

“Well why didn’t you bring her then?” The old hag asked, disbelief lacing her voice.

“We haven’t been dating long, and I didn’t know you had to bring a fucking date to family dinner.”

“I want to know more about her after dinner is done, for now entertain our guests Katsuki. Congratulations again Izuku, I want to know all about Todoroki as well okay?” she said before turning and heading back to the kitchen leaving Katsuki with Deku and Icy Hot.

…

Momo and Shoto were walking to school together from the dorms. They usually left earlier than the rest of their classmates. They contemplated having Shoto walk with Midoriya to keep up the charade, but decided it was so normal for them to go to class together no one would blink an eye at it even if they were Shoto was supposed to be dating Midoriya.

“Are you fake dating Bakugo? Was that a part of the plan?” Shoto asked shortly after they were out of the dorms.

“What do you mean Shoto?” Momo asked, stopping and giving her boyfriend a confused look. The plan was to force Bakugo to confess to Midoriya by making it look like Midoriya might choose someone else if he didn’t do something about it. There was nothing in the plan about Momo fake dating Bakugo, that wouldn’t make any sense.

Before she could say any of that a hand wrapped around her wrist, yanking her to the side. “Ponytail, we need to talk.” Bakugo said, pulling her off to the side, away from Shoto. Momo gave Shoto an apologetic look gesturing for him to go on ahead, she would catch up to him later.

After they were out of ear shot from Shoto, Bakugo finally spoke up. “We are fake dating now.” He announced, giving no further information.

“What do you mean? Why?”

“Deku and Icy Hot are dating and we have to show them up. Plus, I already told them we are dating.”

“So, I have no choice in this?” he nodded. “Is this because you’re in love with Midoriya?” He glared at that. “Very well, I’ll help you.” With that Momo walked away at a brisk pace in order to catch up with Shoto.

When Momo finally caught Shoto, she resumed her normal pace and responded to his earlier question. “Yes, I am fake dating Bakugo.”

2.

Izuku was sitting on the couch in the common area at the dorms packing up his stuff. He, Iida, and Uraraka had just finished up a studying session. Iida had already finished collecting his things and wished them both a goodnight before heading up to his dorm. Uraraka finished picking up her stuff and stood up, she then paused for a moment before turning and smiling brightly at him.

“Hey Deku, some of us from class are going to make chocolates tomorrow to give out on Valentine’s day, and I was wondering if you would like to join us. Then you could make Todoroki chocolates for your first Valentines as a couple.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that valentine’s day was coming up. I have never made chocolates before; I could probably use the help. I would love to come, when and where are we meeting up?”

“Tomorrow after class we are going to meet in the kitchen. I’m glad you are coming, see you tomorrow.” Uraraka smiled before turning around and heading to her dorm.

Izuku finished collecting his things before heading up to his dorm. He felt bad about lying to Iida and Uraraka, but he knew that if they knew the truth, it would spread through class from either overhearing it, or from someone telling their other friends. Izuku didn’t mind others knowing, but Kacchan couldn’t find out, not yet. First, he had to figure out what was going on with Todoroki and Yaoyorozu and figure out if he had a chance with Kacchan at all.

…

Momo was walking back to the dorms after class with Iida, the two of them stayed behind in order to go over some things for the class, like the fact that tomorrow was Valentine’s day so they knew none of the students wouldn’t do any work. So, they talked to Aizawa and they were able to convince him to let home room become a free period, and they were going to make it up to him by working extra hard in training for the day, and doing twice as much the next day.

As they entered the dorms, Momo broke away from Iida to head toward Ochako, who was waiting for her. Momo felt a bit bad about holding up the group for making chocolates, but they understood, and Ochako decided to wait by the door for her so they could walk to the kitchen together.

As the two girls walked into the kitchen, Momo smiled at everyone. Originally when they decided to make chocolates as a group, it was just the girls but, eventually some of the boys got invited for various reasons. There was Sato who actually knew how to make good chocolate. Kaminari wanted to make chocolates for Kyoka and hang out with his girlfriend since he finally got her to go out with him. Sero, who wanted to hang out since most of his friends were here, and Kirisima who just wanted to make chocolates for class. However, as Momo scanned the room she noticed Midoriya standing next to Kirishima and they talked. She didn’t remember him getting invited but supposed that he must have been because he was ‘dating’ Shoto. She normally liked Midoriya, however, he was the only person in class that actually knew that she was dating Shoto, which meant he would have lots of questions. She knew she couldn’t answer them, since Bakugo had never even come up with a story on how they got together, at least that she knew of.

The whole fake dating thing in general was super messy now that she was fake dating Bakugo. She hopes that they will figure it out on their own and cave into confessing, so for now she was going to go along with what they did, and avoid Midoriya as they made chocolates, and hope she wouldn’t have to intervene, because their pining was getting really hard to watch.

“Well now that everyone is here, let’s start making chocolates. I was thinking we could break up into pairs and then Sato could walk around and help out where needed. If that’s alright with you, of course.” Ochako said, smiling at Sato.

“Sure, that works, I know a lot of you don’t really know how to make chocolate, and I’m happy to help where I can.”

“Great! So, why doesn’t everyone pair up and start cooking.”

Momo saw Midoriya making his way over to her when Toru started to argue with Kaminari.

“You can’t work with Kyoka, if you work together, then you will know exactly what you're getting and that’s boring.”

“But we already know what we are getting”

“Doesn’t matter, they would be from the same batch and therefore taste the same. Plus, you wouldn’t get any work done at all, so pick other people.” Toru said, clearly putting her foot down.

“Kyoka, you can work with me, I don’t have a partner yet” Momo interjected, carefully making it so that Midoriya couldn’t pair up with her.

In the end Momo was paired with Kyoka, Mirodiya was with Ochako, Kaminari was with Sero, Kirishima was with Mina, and Tsu was with Toru.

…

Shoto didn’t realize what day it was until he walked into class that day and saw the little bags with hearts on them and ribbons keeping them closed. Shoto never had any interest in Valentine’s day and still didn’t really care, despite having a girlfriend. Though he did suppose the text from earlier made more sense now that he knew what day it was. Earlier that morning Momo had texted him about how she felt bad she wouldn’t be able to give him chocolates in class, and she would do it later in the day. He was confused as to why she wanted to give him chocolates at all when he got the text but decided to just agree to her plan nonetheless.

Shoto was brought out of his thoughts by Midoriya, who was now standing in front of him, heart bag in hand. “Happy Valentine’s Day Shoto” he said smiling as he held out the bag for Shoto to take.

Shoto grabbed the chocolates and set them on his desk. “Thank you Izuku. Sorry that I didn’t also get you some chocolate, but I didn’t realize what today was”

“That’s fine, I don’t mind. Honestly, I probably had too much chocolate when I was making these. Uraraka and I wanted the chocolates to be perfect, so we kept taste testing them.” Midoriya laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Todoroki opened the bag before splitting the chocolates in half. He then picked up one pile holding it out to Midoriya. “Why don’t we split them?”

Midoriya smiled, holding out his hand, and Todoroki placed them in his outstretched hand. Midoriya then popped one chocolate into his mouth. Todoroki followed suit and ate his own chocolates. They weren’t horrible, so he nodded his head to let Midoriya know that they were enjoyable.

…

Watching Deku give the half and half bastard chocolates made Katsuki’s blood boil. Icy Hot even split the chocolates with Deku, what was that about? The more Katsuki looked at the two the angrier he got so he looked away, towards the door just as Yaoyorozu walked in the door.

She sees him looking at her and makes her way over to his desk.

Once she was next to him, she placed a bag of chocolates on his desk. “I hope you like them!” She smiled brightly at him.

“Thanks,” he said.

She smiled at him before walking to her desk. He followed her as she walked away. He then saw Deku and Icy Hot again and got angry again. He then picked up the chocolates and threw them straight at Icy Hot's head.

Katsuki watched as they flew across the room and hit half and half right in the face. He smirked as Icyhot looked up at him.

The class then went completely silent, confused as to why Katsuki would just throw his chocolates at Todoroki of all people. But then Todoroki opened the bag and started to eat the chocolates. The class then moved to continue their previous conversations.

3.

The next couple days after valentines were decently normal. Momo was able to give Shoto the chocolates she made him, and they were able to still walk to class together despite their new ‘relationships’. Momo was also able to avoid Midoriya and all his questions.

Since Valentine's day Momo and Bakugo hadn’t actually discussed their story about how they got together. All Momo knew was that, according to Bakugo, they hadn’t been dating for long, which is information that she had learned from Shoto. Bakugo was beginning to seriously get on Momo’s nerves, but she agreed to play along, so that’s what she was going to do.

Momo was, however, pretty worried about tonight. Mina had put together a little party for the class. Momo wasn’t sure what exactly Mina had planned because she was keeping it under wraps but Momo knew it would be a lot harder to avoid questions about her and Bakugo when in the social situation of a party. They would also have to act more like a couple at the party then they had been. So far Bakugo and her didn’t really need to interact with each other. Thanks to the class and their different friend groups. There was also the fact that Momo was always helping her peers’ study, and Bakugo made the class dinner most nights, now that his friends wore him down into complying.

Momo decided she needed to go find Bakugo and figure out the plan for the party. As she was walking through the common room, she passed Shoto, Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka who were all going over the homework and helping Uraraka with said homework. Momo missed being able to hang out with Shoto as much, but she knew that if their plan worked it would be worth not having to see the two boys dance around each other in their strange way.

Momo found Bakugo getting on to the elevator. She sped up in order to reach the doors before they closed and she got on the elevator with him.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“What do you mean? Plan for what?” Bakugo turned to look at Momo fully instead of the doors.

“The plan for the party tonight. If you want to convince the class that we are dating then we will have to act more like a couple. Beyond me giving you chocolates, we haven’t done anything to suggest we are dating. Plus, you threw the chocolates I made at Shoto so it’s not like it looked a whole lot like you like me.”

“Fine whatever. It’s a party where there will be dancing and food and drink, so we will dance and I’ll do all the boyfriend shit of getting you drinks and food or whatever. Happy now?” Bakugo crossed his arms and turned back to the door.

“You do realize that I’m doing a favor for you. I could just go tell Shoto and Midoriya that you lied about dating someone.” Momo then also turned toward the door. She was going to lose it if she had to deal with Bakugo for much longer. She hoped they would get over themselves sooner rather than later so she could stop this whole serenade.

“Very well, I’ll try to be nicer.” Was Bakugo’s only response before the elevator dinged and he got off, hands shoved into his pants pocket.

…

Katsuki was not happy to have to go to the stupid party that Racoon eyes was throwing. However, considering he was ‘dating’ ponytail, he had to go. Though, even if he wasn’t, the self-proclaimed Bakusquad would drag him to the party anyway whether he liked it or not.

Once Katsuki entered the common room Yaoyorozu dragged him over to the rest of the girls and then she continued her previous conversation. Minutes into the whole affair Katsuki was seriously regretting his choice in pretending to date Yaoyorozu. Of course, she would get super into the lie and try to make it perfect. He just wanted to piss off Deku and Icy Hot.

“I’m going to get some water, you want some?” Katuski asked, wanting a reason to get away, just for a little bit.

He walked off without waiting for a response from Yaoyorozu. Heading through the dancing bodies to the kitchen. The kitchen was equally as packed as the rest of the common room, which really pissed Katsuki. As he walked through the kitchen, he could see the disastrous state in which it was in. Racoon eyes better be planning to clean the mess she caused.

Once he was finally able to get his water and get out, he hesitated to go back to Ponytail. He knew he should, but there was only so much he could handle of the girl’s conversation. So, he chose to lean against the wall and watch the people dancing around the room.

As he scanned the room, he spotted Deku dancing with Icy Hot. Deku was smiling like an idiot as he swung Icy Hot around the room like the idiot he was. They weren’t dancing nicely but they looked happy. As they spun in another circle, Katsuki caught another glimpse of the bright smile that Deku was giving Icy Hot.

It hurt more than Katsuki thought it should to see Deku so happy with someone else. He wanted to be the reason for that big smile that took over his whole face, instead Katsuki only caused tears. Katsuki has been so horrible to Deku for years. They had only been kind of friends for a little while now. Perhaps it was for the best that Deku found happiness with someone who had never hurt him, someone who was there for him when he called. Katsuki didn’t deserve to see that bright smile directed at him. Katsuki knew this was for the best, that Deku deserved to be happy.

…

Once Shoto and Midoriya got to the party, Midoriya dragged Shoto to go dance. Midoriya wasn’t a great dancer, but they were both having fun just spinning around. Midoriya normally dragged one of his friends to dance with him at times like these because he didn’t like to dance alone. Midoriya was smiling and laughing as they spun in circles while the people around them actually danced. After several spins, they stopped and swayed a little bit. Past Midoriya, Shoto could see Bakugo. At first Bakugo looked so sad, it was the calmest Shoto had ever seen him, and he just looked defeated. Then Bakugo looked up and they made eye contact. Bakugo’s face contorted into anger. Shoto then lost sight of him as Midoriya once again spun them around. Midoriya stopped half way through the circle as he looked past Shoto.

“I’ll be right back.” Midoriya said as he walked past Shoto, towards where Shoto had seen Bakugo. This seemed like the right time for them to finally get together.

Shoto watched as Midoriya followed Bakugo outside before moving to find Momo. He found her talking with the other girls.

“Hey Todoroki.” Uraraka greeted

“Oh, hey Shoto, what are you doing over here?” Momo asked.

“Midoriya went to go do something, so I thought I could come over here and say hi.”

“Yeah, I think I saw Deku go outside with Bakugo.”

“I still don’t understand why in the world you’re dating him, Yaomomo. He is just a jerk. I haven’t seen him do anything nice for you, in every interaction I see between the two of you he’s just a jerk.” Jiro complained.

“Honestly, I always thought that you and Yaomomo would get together, Todoroki. She had the biggest crush on you.” Ashido said.

“I know”

The girls laughed a little at that. They then went back to their conversation from before Shoto interrupted.

“This party is starting to die out. I think it’s time to switch gears.” Ashido said as she walked away from the group.

…

Izuku was having a lot of fun at Ashido’s party dancing around with Todoroki. As they spun around, he saw Kacchan past Todoroki and paused. He looked so angry and upset as he turned away from the dance floor and walked out of the dorms.

“I’ll be right back.” Izuku said as he walked past Todoroki, towards the door and outside.

Once outside, Izuku looked around for Kacchan and saw him sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. Izuku walked slowly over to him trying to figure out what to say. Kacchan usually avoided being vulnerable around anyone, so it would be difficult to get him to say what was upsetting him. But, Izuku wanted to try and help him anyway. Izuku didn’t like seeing Kacchan upset, he just wanted him to be happy.

“Go away Deku, I know it's you, stalker.” Kacchan snapped at him.

“It’s a nice night don’t you think? Is that why you left the party Kacchan?”

“None of your fucking business Deku. You need to stop budding into people’s business creep.”

“I know you're just deflecting because you don’t want to be vulnerable around other people. But it's okay to open up Kacchan. It’s good to talk about what is upsetting you, it’s the only way for it to be fixed.”

“What if what upsets me can’t be fixed? What if it shouldn’t be?” Kacchan got defensive and stood up, walking a few passes away from Izuku.

“That didn’t tell me anything Kacchan, I don’t know how to help you.” Izuku got up and walked over to Kacchan.

“How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone, go hangout with your boyfriend or something.”

“Okay, you don’t need to talk to me, you could talk to your friends, you have lots of them after all. Kirishima would love to talk with you and listen to your problems, Kaminari would too. You can always also talk to Yaoyorozu. She is a great person to talk to, though I guess you would know that since you guys are dating, which is great. How did you even start dating?”

“Deku, stop. I don’t need to talk to anyone. Just leave me be and go back to the party.”

“I don’t want to leave until I know you are okay. I just want you to be happy, Kacchan. I know you don’t like me and that I drive you nuts, but I want to help you as much as possible.” It hurt Izuku to think about how Kacchan didn’t want him around. He was starting to think that Todoroki’s plan wasn’t going to work, that it wasn’t a very good plan. Maybe it was time to finally bite the bullet and tell Kacchan about his feelings.

Kacchan turned to look at Izuku. He opened his mouth to probably tell Izuku once again to leave, but Izuku interrupted him.

“Look Kacchan there is something you should know. I’m-“

“Hey guys, we are switching gears to playing some games, if you want to join us.” Ashido interrupted smiling at them.

“Of course, we’ll be right in.” Kacchan said, still looking at Izuku as Ashido went back inside. “It’s time to go back Deku or your boyfriend might start worrying.”

He then turned and walked to the dorm doors. “Sure Kacchan.” Izuku responded a bit dejectedly before he walked back inside, carefully coving up his emotions so that no one could see that he was upset.

4.

Shoto was glad that the pretending was finally over, he was glad that Deku Might finally be happy and he might finally be able to hangout with Momo since all his friends will be in relationships. Midoriya will finally have someone else to monopolize his time.

“All right, now that I have dragged Midoriya and Bakugo inside, I was thinking we could play truth or dare, and to make sure that everyone participates we will spin a bottle to determine the next person.” Ashido announced.

Midoriya and Bakugo trailed after her, not looking very happy, which confused Shoto. Perhaps they were just upset to have been interrupted. However, once they made it into the room they quickly separated. Bakugo marched over to Kirishima and Midoriya walked over to Shoto.

Ashido moved and got everyone into a circle, she then went and put a water bottle in the middle of the circle since there were no beer bottles.

“How do we make sure that everyone doesn't just choose truth every time?” Kaminari asked.

Bakugo scoffed. “Seriously, truth is lame, I might as well just go to bed then.” Bakugo stood up heading towards the elevator before Ashido stopped him.

“Okay then, what if we just do dares, then will you stay?” Ashido called after him.

“Unless you're too scared of course.” Kaminari added, stopping Bakugo in his tracks.

“ Oh it's on Dunce face, I am going to take you down.” Bokugo barked, spinning on his heels and marching back to the Circle, glaring at Kaminari as he went. Shoto expected that this was going to be a very interesting game for sure.

. . .

Momo was not excited for this game. Based on how Bakugo marched inside, nothing good must have happened while he and Midoriya were outside. She couldn't tell if he was angry or just serious about Kaminari's challenge as everyone sat down in a circle and Mina placed a bottle in the middle.

"So, who wants to start?" Mina asks as she sits between Kirishima and Sero.

"Shouldn't you go first Mina? Since it was your idea." Ochako suggested.

"Okay" Mina reached forward and spun the bottle. It went around a couple times before landing on Kaminari." Kaminari, I dare you to eat one of Bakugo's Spicy peppers.

Most everyone jumped up and ran to the kitchen. Bakugo only So that no one got into anything they shouldn't, leaving Momo with Shoto and Midoriya. Midoriya turned and watched the group while Momo looked at Shoto to try and gauge how he was doing. He seemed to be a little dejected, but that was all Momo could gather. Momo doesn't need to be in the kitchen to know what will happen. Especially when a loud cry, followed by a lot of laughter comes from the kitchen.

Bakugo was the first to march back into the room. Momo heard him mutter something about people who can't handle heat as he sat back down next to her.

Kaminari was the last to make his way back in. He had a very red face and his eyes were still watering as he sat down next to Kyoka. She then had to nudge him to remind him that it was his turn to spin.

“Iida, I dare you to try and eat a cookie without using your hands.”

Iida ended up being weirdly good at this, finishing his cookie in little to no time at all.He had pushed it off the table, grabbing it with his teeth once it was hanging off the edge. Then he just ate it in one bite.

And so on the game went.

…

Katsuki honestly barely paid attention to the game. He really didn't want to stay and watch Deko and icy hot any longer but he couldn't take Dunce Face calling him a coward, especially not when he wasn't afraid of these idiots. all the dars were horrible. Like, Glasses had dared Kirishima to spin in a circle ten times and then try to walk in a straight line. though he did fail that one.

The only mildly interesting one was when he got to dare Icy hot to call his dad and tell him he loved him. He shrugged, pulled out his phone and all he said was “I love you” before hanging up. his phone kept going off a couple times after that but he just ignored it.

Katsuki stopped paying attention after Round face dared Deku to sit on Icy hots lap. He decided to just glare at the wall instead. He was only brought back into the game when Dunce Face addressed him.

“Bakugo, I dare you to kiss the best looking person in the room.”

Katsuki thought for a moment before his eyes drifted to Deku still sitting there, in Icy Hot's lap leaned back while icy hot rested his head on top of Deku’s like he didn't even know what he was doing. So he chose the only opinion he could. One that a small part of him hoped would perhaps upset Deku.

He then turned and kissed Yaoyorozu.

…

Izuku wasn't sure if he was going to puke or cry. He was so stupid to think he could ever be with Kacchan. This whole idea had been so stupid, he shouldn't have agreed to do this now he had to watch Kacchan kiss his best friend's ex-girlfriend. That was also his fault by agreeing to this stupid idea. Todoroki and Yaoyorozu broke up because of this stupid lie.

“Hey Deku?” Uraraka said, shaking him slightly to get his attention.

He looked up at her a bit confused, looking around when he spotted the bottle. It looks like Kacchan has spun it and landed on him.

“I’m sorry, I can't play anymore. I’m going to go to bed.”

“Wait, Midoriya.” Ashido called out.

“Goodnight.” was all he said as he walked to the elevator and went up to his room.

All he could think about was the kiss, it kept replaying in his head. Izuku hadn't realized just how much he liked Kacchan. He didn't realize how much it would hurt to see him with someone else.

Once he made it to his room the tears started falling, he let himself break down. He cried himself out pretty fast, ending with tears just silently streaming down his face. That is when there was a knock on the door.

He got up and opened the door to reveal Todoroki.

“Are you okay?” he asked, confused by Izuku’s tears.

“I’m sorry about Yaoyorozu. I’m done with this. There is no reason to continue. Kacchan won't even talk to me. He just wants me to go away.”

“Midoriya, You don’t have to -”

“I’m done Todoroki. I can't keep up the lie, okay. Goodnight.” Izuku said before closing the door.

5.

The next day Shoto was thinking of how they could go back to normal after this, when Momo came up with one last ditch effort to get them together before they decided to give up. The hard part will be getting Midoriya to go along.

So, that night when Shoto could get him alone, he proposed the idea. "We were invited to go on a double date with Bakugo and Momo," he announced.

"Todoroki, I told you I can't do this anymore. He doesn't like me, end of Story." Midoriya complained.

He knew that was the response he would get and he told Momo as much, and she told him what to say next. "I know you did, but can you do this for me? So that I can see if Momo still likes me."

Midoriya hesitated at that before he sighed and nodded.

…

Katsuki was absolutely pissed that he had to do this. But, Yaoyorozu wanted to, and she was right, he shouldn't have kissed her without her consent. But, wasn't the party enough torture without adding a meal where they had to stare at Icy Hot and Deku the whole time.

“Can you at least look like you're not about murder someone.” Yaoyorozu said as they were walking to the restaurant.

“I think that's asking too much, I always look pissed.”

She turned and stopped him right outside the building. “Then can you at least play nice. I don't need to be breaking up any fights tonight.”

Katsuki could see right into the restaurant and could see Deku and Icy Hot already seated and talking. Deku looked a bit nervous or worried. perhaps yelling at him the other dad had actually frightened him. not that Katsuki has ever been able to push him away in the past. Was he really staring at a life without Deku around to drive him nuts? could he stand not having Deku in his life.

He nodded at Yaoyorozu. Perhaps if he played nice everything would be fine. Perhaps he wasn't even what was worrying Deku.

Katsuki was quickly proven wrong once they were approaching the table and he could see Deku physically stiffin. and what a rotten boyfriend half and half was when he didn't even appear to notice.

…

Izuku somehow wasn't prepared to see Kacchan and Yaoyorozu walk into the restaurant. To make things worse Kacchan looked so nice tonight and it made it all the harder to look at him and know he would never be able to be with him the way he wanted. He hoped they could somehow still be friends but he wasn't sure how when he couldn't make eye contact with him.

Suddenly he felt a kick from under the table and looked up. He hadn't realized that Kacchan and Yaoyorozu had sat down already. Todoroki was already in a conversation with Yaoyorozu and Kacchan was looking at him.

“You started muttering to yourself and the other table was looking at you like you were crazy.” Kacchan explained.

Izuku blushed and looked down at his hands.

“What's got you worked up anyway?”

Izuku started panicking before saying the first thing that popped into his head. “Have you seen the new hero line up?”

…

Momo really hoped this plan would work because these two boys appear to be even more thick headed then she originally thought.

She smiled at Shoto and Midoriya as she approached. though Midoriya looked stiff as a board so everything was not off to a good start. All thanks to Bakugo being an idiot and kissing her. She specifically sat across from Shoto and started up a conversation with him in hopes of getting the other boys to talk. At first it didn't look like it was going to work as Midoriya started muttering and Bakugo just drank water awkwardly. but then they started talking about heroes.

They seemed pretty happy with this and didn't stop all through dinner. Momo was hoping they would talk about their feelings or something but the conversation never strayed from the heroes.

“Tonight is such a nice night, what if we all go for a walk around the park before heading back to UA?” She asked.

Shoto was the first to agree causing the others to agree in turn so they paid and headed out. These boys were going to get together tonight if it was the last thing she did. She wanted her boyfriend back already. The whole reason for this plan was to get more time together and yet they now had even less and she was over it.

6.

Now that they were outside the ease and comfort of the restaurant the group quickly fell back into awkward silence. Izuku didn't know how to talk to Kacchan again. He also wasn't sure if he should try and talk as a group with everyone. Or perhaps the best thing would be to leave Todoroki and Yaoyorozu alone so they could make up.mor would that be wrong since she was now with Kacchan, though she did spend all dinner talking to Todoroki.

Kacchan then elbowed Izuku's arm. “You are muttering again”

“Oh sorry.”

“Okay, you definitely have something else on your mind. What is it?” Kacchan sighed.

Izuku panicked again, looking forward to seeing that Todoroki and Yaoyorozu were now walking a distance in front of them and they seemed happy. “Me and Todoroki aren't actually dating … anymore. I think he likes Yaoyorozu. I thought you should know.”

“Oh… that makes sense. To be honest I only asked Yaoyorozu out to piss half and half off.”

…

Momo started pulling Shoto ahead of the others once they were outside. In the silence they did fall into an easy conversation about school and Shoto could tell Momo was ready for everything to be over so they could spend more time together again.

Honestly, Shoto was ready as well. As much as he liked Midoriya, his relationship with Bakugo was exhausting and annoying. Plus Momo was amazing and so easy to be around. Shoto loved her company. She was as kind and understanding as Midoriya, without all the drama. Plus they had interests that aligned more. Shoto did not necessarily enjoy talking about different pro heroes all the time.

Shoto turned to Momo and gave her a soft smile. She smiled brightly in turn, reaching out and giving his hand a light squeeze.

…

Momo started to relax into the conversation with Shoto once Midoriya and Bakugo started talking.

She was confident that they would finally confess when they started telling each other that they were not actually in relationships.

But then it all devolved very quickly, once Bakugo confessed that he didn't ever have feelings for her.

“Wait, what? how could you play with her feeling like that Kacchan.” Midoriya huffed and stopped walking, causing everyone else to stop as well.

“It doesn't matter, it's not like she ever liked me anyway, so there was no harm.” Bakugo scoffed.

“But you didn't know that going in, right? And even if you did think so, she could have developed feelings for you and that's just cruel if you never liked her.” Midoriya was almost shouting now and Bakugo was red with anger, ready to probably put his foot in his mouth and ruin everything, which is when Momo finally lost it.

“Both of you shut the fuck up. News flash you were both fake dating us to make the other jealous and I am officially done with both of your shit. So kiss and make up already cuz I want my boyfriend to myself for once,” and with that Momo turned around, grabbed a hold of Shoto and marched off back to UA.

…

Katsuki and Deku were both stunned into silence as Yaoyorozu marched off with Icy Hot.

They both turned and looked at eachother. Then Deku blushed and looked down at the ground like he was the only one caught in a lie.

“I'm sorry for lying to you Kacchan. I know you don't like me but I do like you a lot and I'm sorry. I understand if you now hate me and never want to talk to me …” Deku continued but Katsuki stopped listening after Deku said he liked him.

Katsuki decided fuck it and kissed Deku, officially silencing him.

Katsuki pulled away slightly, resting his forehead on Dekus, “for the love of god stop talking. I like you, you idiot, so shut up and kiss me” Katsuki demanded. Deku smiled. “Really?”

Katsuki kissed him before he could say any more.

“What did I just say?” Katsuki asked, “And contrary to previous actions, I try not to go around kissing people I don't like.”

This time Deku silenced Katsuki with a kiss. “I guess we should thank and apologize to Todoroki and Yaoyorozu for getting us to admit our feelings.” Deku said starting to walk to UA.

“I think the best thing we could do for them is leave them alone for a while. Especially while Yaoyorozu is so angry. Katsuki said, walking alongside Deku.

Deku nodded thoughtfully as he grabbed Katsuki’s hand, already softly muttering ideas to himself. Katsuki smiled and shook his head, he was going to have to get used to that but at least kissing was a good way to get Deku’s attention.

[tasmanianstripes]

Kiara X Kovu for the shipping ask.

OKAY SO

It's a good ship, typical bad boy x rebellious girl one but I'm a sucker for a bad guy getting redeemed through love. Plus, let's be honest, Kovu was a young adult manipulated all his life by his abusive mother who saw him as nothing more than a pawn in her plan for revenge, so he was less evil and more extremely conditioned to his way of life and thinking, and then goes "oh shit, my mum was wrong huh?" when he's brought away from that environment and realises the pridelanders aren't actually that bad.

It was a bit rushed, but I understand it's a Disney movie and there is only so much you can do in like an hour and a half, so it's not an actual complaint tbh. At least they don't fall in love during the course of one song like Kiara's parents LOL (to be fair TLK wasn't about their relationship so again, not an actual complaint)

For fandom stuff, I honestly dislike when people immediately marry them off to each other after the movie timeline's ended and give them cubs straight away, unless when they explore how this sort of rushing into a relationship and having children this young wouldn't be healthy for either of them? I mean, they're barely adults, they've known each other for like, what...a few weeks? And they just went through some rough stuff, Kovu especially with literal YEARS of trauma he's got to unpack and the loss of his brother and mother. Just give these two some time to breathe, God damn (unless it's about exploring how that'd dynamic work in actuality instead of the typical happily ever after bullshit, then I vibe with that).

And while this ship is fun, I do also like stories that explore situations where their relationship gets completely derailed. Maybe they were young and fall out of love soon after and regret rushing into things? Maybe Kovu can't deal with his trauma in a healthy way and let's it fester and eat at him, which turns him into a shitty partner and father? Maybe they go through a messy divorce? Honestly, you can do a lot with their dynamic, which is pretty fun. I might even have a preference towards stories that do go this route tbh, I think it's very interesting, even if I don't dabble with it myself.

[tumbling-down-the-hall]

Sitting at the airport

Idk why but being in the airport freaks me out. I ran into an ex at the airport almost 5 years ago and now everytime I'm in this airport I'm hoping dreading the day when I run into him again. That fate meeting, led to a year of a fuck buddy relationship. One that absolutely was not necessary but also necessary. Right during COVID. He was the only person I saw outside of my roommates on a regular during that time frame. It was weird that it happened once. There is no way it is going to happen again.

And yet here I am sitting in the area where I walked past him multiple times and then sat down to chat with him. Scanning the crowd. Looking for a hint that he may be here. That I may have somebody to talk to. Why am I like this.

I think my relationship is over. I'm at the airport because my uncle died and I'm going back to support my mother while she buries her youngest brother. I'm at the airport by myself. Because he couldn't afford to make the trip. He can't afford to do anything except drink his money away. Which is what my uncle died of. (That among other things. Complications )

My partner is an alcoholic and he doesn't know. Or maybe he doesn't and doesn't care. My partner is an asshole and he knows it. My partner lost his job because he made choices that put his superiors in shitty positions. He hasn't done shit all in the past two days. I worked from home the past two days because I got my first pet. He wasn't supposed to be home. It was just supposed to be me.

He didn't get up until I was off work today. Yesterday he was only up for a little bit while I worked because we had an issue that he had to deal with because I was on the clock. He has drank and played video games with his friends. I told him how I felt and all he did was say sorry that I disappointed you and I'm like that's a shitty apology because it made it sound like this was out of his control. And it's not.

I'm so fucking upset that we don't get to go to Seattle. I didn't want to pay for everything. I wanted him to help cover some things. But nope. He wouldn't be able to. I canceled the trip before I knew my uncle died. I canceled the trip before I knew Jacob lost his job.

Idk what to do. I told him that I'm sick of feeling drained. Both emotionally and financially. Idk what to do. But I know sitting here drinking alcohol is not the correct choice. But it's really my only choice.

I'm so happy I'm going to family. I mean I'm pissed at them. Pissed at the uncle for being done with life. Pissed at the other uncle for only following the rules with it benefits him. (He has COVID and was still testing positive when he went to PA)

I think my relationship has run it's course and I'm mourning the loss of it. I mean I'm glad about who it has brought into my life. But I'm sad because like every other relationship I thought he was the one. I thought he would be better and do better for me. Turns out I was wrong. He thinks he loves me. But clearly not enough when he knows he doesn't make me happy. Idk what to do. I mean I told him that he needed to get his shit together. He knows how I feel about paying for everything. And yet.

He said he can't pay for anything and yet he has the money to buy alcohol. He can't afford rent and yet he bought a new beer bat at the pickles game. I feel like my frontal lobe is more developed than his and I'm 4 years younger than him.

I didn't so much as kiss him or say I love you before he dropped me off. I don't know what to do and yet to all the outsiders there is an obvious answer....

[kessicasrps]

I listened to what Lottie said, swallowing hard as she brought up our own mother passing away. I definitely knew what it was like to deal with loss and grief. It was something you and I had in common, dealing with such heavy stuff and heavy loss. Although, I never wanted you to experience that pain either. I knew it was wrong to stay away from you and I should have handled it all better. I already had been a shitty friend to you and I was afraid to reach out at that moment when you were dealing with so much. I nod at Lottie, muttering to her about how she was bossy before going to the kitchen. I got you a cold water bottle from the fridge and brought up some cookies that I bought from the store. I knocked gently on your door before opening it up and finding you on the bed, it breaking my heart as I noticed you had been crying. “Please don’t cry,” I say softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and setting the plate of cookies down, handing you the water. “Please drink and just let me talk for a moment, okay? I know you probably don’t want me here and I have no excuses for my behavior. You have every right to ignore me and want nothing to do with me but the truth is that I miss you and I want to get to know each other again. I am so sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most. You deserved so much better than that. The truth was I knew you were in good hands with my sisters and nothing I could have said would have made anything better..”

---

I sniffled softly as I sat up, taking the water from you. I made room on my bed for you to sit on so you weren’t just sitting on the edge. I looked at you as I wiped my eyes. “It’s not that I don’t want you here,” I say softly. “It just hurt not having you there when I needed you, but I can’t blame you either.” I sniffled. “You were just like family to me you know? You were always that one person I went to for everything, you were my best friend, and when we were kids you are like my older brother because I didn’t have any siblings. Your family was always family to me.” I say as I wiped my eyes. I looked away for a moment, trying to hold back my tears. “What hurt the most was when I tried to get a hold of you, and I was just shut out. This guy would always answer your phone and he’d tell me I wasn’t “direct” family, so he wouldn’t let me talk to you, even when I said our Moms were best friends. He always said he’d pass the message, but I always assumed he told you and you just never called back,” I whimpered. I looked at you again as I wiped my eyes again. “This last month has been the hardest, I literally lost the only family I had. I lost my parents. I have no brothers or sisters. Your family was always like family to me. When your sisters invited me out here, I agreed to come because I had nowhere else to go. I can’t even go back home. I was living on campus, and after the funeral, the city just handled everything, so I lost everything in my house except for family pictures. I literally have nothing, and for the one person that was always there to not be there hurt even more, it hurt worse than losing my parents.” I cried softly as my tears fell down my face. “All I wanted was my best friend, and he wasn’t there. I just assumed I was no longer important to you. I don’t know what I’m going to do after the summer passes. I don’t know where to go or anything. I have to start over.” I sniffled. “I don’t hate you if that’s what you think. You were my best friend, all I wanted was to matter to you, and it felt like I didn’t,”

__

I giggle softly when hearing what you said, shrugging a bit. “That’s a shame. I definitely have an affinity for getting out of control from time to time,” I tease you, finding the banter and conversation with you to flow so naturally. I didn’t usually find anyone who could keep up with me and could detect my teasing tone. I smile when seeing your teammates start to run out, knowing the game was about to start. “I guess you better get out there, Superstar. I will hang around after the game for that jersey,” I smile softly at you, my eyes bright blue as I stared back at you. I couldn’t deny that you had really nice eyes too, especially looking at them up close. I was just simply appreciating your attractiveness but it didn’t mean anything, of course.

—

“A shame? I can get out of control too. Watch me.” I smirked as I winked at you. I watched as my teammates ran out and I grabbed my helmet in preparation. “Tell you what, if I score the winning touchdown, how about you let me take you out tonight?” I winked at you. “And we can have a real good time and I’ll give you that jersey,” I winked again, hoping you’d say yes to me asking you out.

[booksandwords]

His Knight by Charity Parkerson

Series: Shining Armor, #1 Read time: 2 Days Rating: 3/5 Stars

The Quote: “This is Benjamin Lee. Please don’t shoot me. I’m already having a really shitty day.” — Benny

I don't know what to make of the end of this. It loses down to 3 stars due to the ending. It's so controlling and manipulative. There is a scene that runs dangerously close to being a form of rape. If you are a fan of Asian drama it is kinda close of TorFight in Why RU? (especially when watched with one particular set of subs). The plot is okay. But I feel there are some moments of serious hero complex. I'm just conflicted, or I was until I started writing (I really dislike it). As such, quick review I hope.

I do like the characters. Benjamin "Benny" Lee is just sweet, his insecurity and isolation leanings are backed by his history and just seem right. Wyatt Knight is a typical high-end police, loyal, strong and fierce. He has a little bit of trauma gained at the start of the book, and not handled. I find Wyatt and Benny together are just weird, I have resounding negative feelings about them. I'm not sure if it is the characters of Charity's execution of their relationship. Charity Parkinson has made an impressive choice with the two maternal figures of the story. Elle is that warm, motherly, loving and protective type that is so common in this type of romance novel. But Benny's mother is a whole other deal. Benny's mother is North Korean, trapped in North Korea after being deported back there, she is the reason Benny does what he does. They are polar opposites while both being supportive of their sons.

That storyline with Jayden is written in well. Jayden is a complicated character. He is already showing himself two have more than one side. Jayden is lonely, a bit broken and needs love. We actually get to see the side of him that is fierce and caring. I do like that we met him through Wyatt they are more than a little complicated. He deserves his happiness with Darrel (book 3, His Salvation) not all readers will think that at first but trust me by the time you finish you will.

Some quotes:

There had to be at least five shooters. All in full riot gear with automatic weapons. Wasn’t this high school shit? Who shot up a college campus? — Five is a lot for a campus shooting, like unheard of from what I saw, some minor realism would be appreciated. As for that who shoots up a college campus? It's not nearly as common, I'm guessing something to do with attendance being a choice and campus size, but it's not as uncommon as we'd like to think. (Benny)

Two members of his team were dead. Their funerals had passed without Wyatt in attendance. — Well fu** you very much for that. Way to make a man bitter. (Wyatt)

He couldn’t even find one person to go to the movies with and these five people found one another to go on a killing spree. Life was funny. Popularity was wasted on the popular. — Jesus that is just grim. I mean I appreciate the quote and the thought but it is good. (Benny)

“I’m sure she’d love to have you, but then I wouldn’t get to do this,” Wyatt said, capturing the man’s lips." — Well sweetie, that went from I-can't-do-this-it's-unprofessional to kissing Benny in maybe a page and a half. I think I'm almost impressed at the speed.

“She assumed, since you’re bi, you’d be open to having other men join you,” — FFS Kayla. I can't even with you girl. Between this and your actions later... 🤬🥊 (Benny)

“I get the feeling you’re an old man trapped in a twenty-two-year-old body.” — This is in reference to Benny. It's a recurring line and theme. Honestly, it is true and a mood for me. (Wyatt)

There are some good moments in the second half that I would share but I'm not sure where the spoilers are for this and I'm not sure I have the motivation to spend more time on this review.

I will likely read others in the series because Richie's (book 2, His Loss) sounds appealing as a set-up. All of them work on the stressful situation principle to open, campus shooting, stuck lift and claustrophobia and a bank robbery. Call it a series of attempts to defy the Speed principle. I'm hoping it is still known what I mean by that but it comes from the last times of the film "I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work. OK. We'll have to base it on sex then. Whatever you say, ma'am." (Jack Traven and Annie Porter)

[fadingrebelobservation]

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[cryptid-killjoy]

Valentine’s Day for the other Laveaus aka “The Growed Up Kids.” Also Meaning - Cinderella’s Death Date and Abandonment Anniversary Era For What Used to be Celebrated as Their Parents’ Anniversary. 

Scout

Scout has a lot of support. She’s surrounded by a new family after the “Series of Unfortunate Events” if one could even call it that anymore. 

She wouldn’t. 

The fact she’s moved on seemingly so well doesn’t mean this doesn’t affect her like Cinderella never existed. She’s a very good chameleon like Flotsam used to be and perhaps Valerie tries to be sometimes. It reveals itself in less than obvious ways. 

The way she deals with the loss of her father Jetsam is seen in her clothes, her makeup, her language, and her music. It’s seen in her attitude more often than is caught. Her teachers have given her a few side eyes and wonder where the Hell a nice child came up with a mouth like that all of a sudden because it doesn’t stream like a fountain. 

But with Cinderella it’s a hard place to stand in. It’s not like never knowing your mom like Flotsam. It’s not like she just up and died like Koda. Grief was natural, but betrayal of the family - leaving that duffle bag of money and disappearing - Then dying? It was hard because the good memories still existed. But that’s what made the betrayal that much worse. If everything was so fucking bad then how dare you stay this long to torture a child’s heart with memories like that just to make it more painful? 

Like if you really had problems from the start and couldn’t deal with her father from the get go why fuck? Why did she even bring her into this world? Why didn’t stop while she was ahead? How selfish was she? Did she think having a child would keep them together? Because it won’t. It didn’t. It never does. But her father always did call her stupid. Guess it was true. 

So how it affects Scout is the same mental issues her lovely “real mother” has, Valerie. She questions her existence. She questions her value especially now as she’s struggling in New Zealand and feeling like the outsider here. She clings like holy Hell to Thomas, she’s knows of two parents that left this family already. Cinderella and Jetsam. Okay, Jetsam died, but she’s not unaware of how Chip and Dale came about and how he and Cinderella ran off and left River. Elsa left too. That’s three even if she came back too. She’s heard stories of people leaving and coming back. Jetsam didn’t come to see her on the Day of the Dead. People can’t always come back. She’s sick of hearing but they came back. 

She’s got a big fuck that on her shoulder. 

She’s scared to be left behind. She’s scared to death to know who’s next? Because good memories don’t mean shit. She had those too with Cinderella and they’re fucking worthless now. She’s heard I’ll love you forever. Words are shit. Memories are shit. Smiles are shit. Everything can turn to ash in a second. That’s what Scout knows as well as Valerie now thanks to fucking Cinderella. 

So how did Valentineiversary Death Date go for Scout? Shitty. 

GoGo was the highlight. 

She walked through the motions of gift giving kids at school as mentioned before same as her parents and family as was tradition. 

But internally? 

A mess. All she’d really been doing since her and Thomas’s talk was thinking I don’t need anymore time. I wonder how long I have to pretend I’m thinking about it to make him think I’m really thinking this through so he doesn’t think I’m being a dumb rash teenager? If I do it will it matter? Does he want me to think about because he secretly hopes I change my mind? That way I can just eventually die and get the fuck out of everybody’s hair? Jokes on you dude. Mom sealed me to her. I’ll probably end up a ghost like River. Fuck. Did Mom forget that? She’s so caught up in being a wolf. Didn’t even invite me. What happened to we all die together? Fucking bitch. How’s that gonna happen if you don’t invite me? Then came the silent night tears with her eyes closed like the whole world is trying to leave her. 

But is this her regular thinking? No. This is the spiral brought on by all the emotions that went soaring on high triggered by V-day - ex-that - Dreaderellatines Day. 

Valerie might have found her peace in a new spouse but there were still some residual effects left behind even if they were hard to spot with kiddos that like to keep them well hidden. 

Also note: She doesn’t actually have her bag money. She switched it out for Monopoly money a long time ago. She keeps the bag and it looks full. No one ever snoops. She did while all the windows were shut and sleeping. She really thought someone might have snooped by now. It goes to show how much they stay out of each other’s business. (minus trying to steal her voodoo doll from Chip but it got destroyed in the fire which only proved Chip was teasing her his whole life and never put the magic on it or she’d be burned alive. He’d have never harmed his sister. It was always just a threat)

Damn she loves her brother 

That said some random people who buy Monopoly boards in Walmart are going to be very happy. 

Dale

Dale was far less active and more passive for once in his life. 

He had a lot going in his head with the whole Piper thing and walking that off still for a heart day. 

So besides anything mentioned before for general V-day stuff - how the death day affected Dale was general grouchiness. He’d have been giving short answers to people, not rude, but just rushed, and move it along type answers to get back to being by himself. 

He printed off a target of Cinderella’s face and XFuck’s face for old time’s sake and beat the shit out of them with a crowbar he wrote Zig on because the name Xigbar was stupid. Ended up saying something like “Stop beating yourself up. Stop beating yourself up.” Like an old school bully who kept making someone punch themselves. 

It didn’t make him feel much better. But it was something. 

So there wasn’t a great reaction or big to-do from Dale, but he’s still affected. He was always the one that held the most anger in about it. 

He still is. 

It’s only easing because he sees his mother and father now, Thomas and Valerie coming along so well, and Scout too. 

But as long as anyone’s affected and he knows his sister and brothers are, but his baby sis? Yeah, he’s never going to truly be settled. He just doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s just carrying it because beating the shit out of things until they cry mercy or die doesn’t make it go away with this one and that’s all he knows how to do. 

Chip

Chip’s big man on campus in his family. He’s got a lot to think about on Valentine’s Day. Lots of gals and kids to be paying attention to and give love to not to mention his siblings and Valerie and Thomas. 

For him that makes things different. Everything’s different for Chip. 

Everyone lost Jetsam and everyone can place this on how he behaved towards Flotsam near the end, how it got out of control with Valerie, and Chip finally made a call, but that’s not how he sees it. 

There’s a Cinderella element in this to him because he knows Savvy as Jet’s husband on earth through his father Flotsam and now he’s the vessel for this Jet’s husband. So, he’s closer to any of this than he ever was before. 

He knows in far more intimate detail there was no soap opera going on in his family’s household growing up about who loved, who left who as a child might have been led to believe for ease of understanding how their non-traditional family came about.  

He knows it was far more sinister. Plotted and controlled by Jetsam. 

He fucking knows and knows it’s because he hated Cinderella not loved her. Okay. He just saw Flotsam wasn’t going to let her go and chose a new route since killing might literally destroy his brother because contrary to popular belief Jetsam believed if he did all those really mean things to Flotsam he’d hate Cinderella after. It blew up in his fucking face and Cinderella never even knew it. She always missed how evil he was. Always. That’s how conniving Jetsam can be. 

At that point he knocked up the bitch with twins after proving to Flo she didn’t love him best. She ran away with him. He left Flotsam open to go for who his heart’s been bleeding for for years. He comes back. He drove Flotsam’s true love, the one that got away, Elsa away AGAIN????? That wasn’t in the plan. Eh fuck it. He already got some good shagging out of her. Good enough. Flotsam should really love him now AND HATE Cinderella. But no. Elsa fucked it by leaving. Flotsam went right back to Cinderella and forgave everything like okay? It blew Jetsam’s mind. What the fuck? Did Flo actually care about Cinderella or something? That’s how Jet’s mind worked. Like he didn’t get it. 

This is what Chip knows. So it is really hard for Chip to give a fuck about Valentine’s Death Day about a mom who cheated on River’s dad first, who his own dad did not love in the slightest when they procreated to have him, and was trying to get rid of her by creating him, and only married into it all because Flotsam did. Then she turned around and abandoned them all especially after River’s dad forgave the first time she left him whether they want to call it cheating or not he does. Chip sees it how he wants to see it. Flotsam forked his eye out. Surely that was not something mutual. 

So the fact he sees Valerie good this year helps him be good. River’s dad. His dad. They both mean a damn lot to him. Thomas is the best thing that ever happened so far since but Chip’s got his every watchful guarded eye. He’s Chip. The protector. He’s always been the one making the rounds of Laveau property even back then. He watches out for everyone. 

 Of course he loves Thomas. More than he can express. He doesn’t mind the others calling him dad. It’s a little harder for him to go there when he has direct access to Jet more often than the others. He lives a different life. He almost feels guilty about it when he thinks Valerie and Jet being separate might be negative instead of helpful. He realizes it has it’s pros and cons now. 

So mostly Death Day for him brought up quiet contemplation of the current events, situations, and of his own part in it all. Due to that though, with the effect everything has on others he’ll continue to blame the one person not here to defend themselves and not care because in conclusion no matter how much better things have turned out - he stands - it could have reached this moment from a different path - and it’s Cinderella’s fault it had to be this hard on everyone.  

Chip knows everything from being one with Savvy who’s been in Flo and married to Jet. He’s so close to everything all he can think of by the end of his contemplation is Good fucking riddance. 

He’s got better people to spend his time Valentine-ing about. 

He does have however the same little worry for Scout Dale does. He’s a big brother. He can’t help it. He doesn’t have the aggression about it like Dale. He’s got a full plate though. If there was someone to snipe he would. There’s not. They’re already dead. As Chip sees it it’s as done as it can get. He can’t do much about the residual effects. It’s too long term to predict and out of his hands. If he sees something he could help he would. He made that decision long ago. No more fucking around. No more second chances no offense to Maddy or Elsa he loves them both, but he’s been watching and to him gambling on any more rare few aren’t worth the damage caused by the ones that will fuck up their chances by him giving out too many. No more bullshit. Not if he’s involved. 

That’s where Chip’s at. Everyone can thank Cinderella for that. He can link her to every bad thing that’s ever happened to every person he knows in his family, from their ideals, the way they used to think because of her, decisions they never would have made because they were raised by her, the list goes on. Even people they’ve dated, or their partners would never have been compared to and judged by Cinderella’s life similarities first. Cinderella effects everything they all touch and everything that has touched the Laveaus. The boy’s got a grudge. Chip has a chip if you will. 

He’ll be spending Valentine’s with his wives getting lots of sex not commemorating D-day. 

River

He’s a ghost yo

He’s so not thinking about it

He’s in stagnant mode yes, but that is not what he’s stagnant on about

His brain is more stuck on I need to spend time with Valerie. I need to protect Valerie. I need to make Valerie proud. Thomas too. Yes, Elsa too. But, mostly Valerie/Flotsam/Thomas. Family. It’s all wrapped up in a primordial soup of details as the only reason for his daily existence. 

Yes, he can think back on the past. Of course he can. But, he doesn’t dwell. His inner landscaping doesn’t work that way anymore. He’s so focused on wanting to be this one thing he has tunnel vision now. 

He does have his memories but some can seem blurry now when it doesn’t apply to his ends now. Its like how Frollo never seems to stop focusing on being a pervy cad and unholy holy man on a power trip. It’s his thing. He can’t be anything else. Well, now River has a thing that strong too. 

So he’s not so affected by Valentine’s Day in this context about the death day - only might be if a family brought it into his existence and forced him go back into that part of his life for them to fulfil his goals of being super brother now. He won’t be triggered otherwise. And this year no one brought it to him so he wasn’t. 

He did sit next to Scout’s bed when she cried with her eyes shut in the middle of the night from the veil - all ghosty - she never knew it. He just had no idea why she was crying. He can’t read her mind. But he did not leave her alone. 

Summary - Dale and Scout are affected the most. River is least affected. Chip nah. He’s gonna be fine. He’s too close to Jetsam and Savvy not to be. Dale has anger management and trust problems he’s not letting go of over it. Why the fuck you think this boy don’t want a commitment in girlfriendland? Scout has serious abandonment issues. 

[words--unsharedblog]

02152023

I crave love so terribly, yet I don’t understand why anyone would find value in spending their life with me.

I don’t get it.

I feel like i’m pretty boring, actually. I have a few interests, of course I’d love to travel the world, but that’s it. If I were to go on a date right now, and the person asked me to describe myself? to tell them about me?

I wouldn’t know how to frame it in a positive light. I ran away from college and home to come up to one of the richest areas in central coast, where I live in a basement for $400 a month, go to a job 5 days a week where I pack candy for 7 hours, come back home to eat dinner & nap for too long, only to further destroy my sleep schedule for the next day. and somewhere in between work and home I find time to squeeze in studio sessions where I painstakingly make ceramics that I don’t sell. but i’m exhausted, constantly tired. I don’t have any special musical talents, i’m not good at sports, I don’t watch tv or movies. i hardly read books, I hate to argue. I hate it when I get mad because boy do I get angry. i’m afraid of love, terrified of it. I don’t know what it really means to feel love. I hate the word, it means nothing to me (i wish it didn’t). those 4 letters have only been a sad excuse to justify shitty parenting. I have mommy and daddy issues. I don’t have any relationship with family. family means nothing to me (I wish it did). it was proven time and time again that I was an inconvenience or too complicated to deal with growing up. my problems were my own, I had to handle the emotional repercussions of every life event. I have a hard time trusting people. I never believe it when people want to spend time with me. I go out of my way to avoid conflict at any cost. I don’t want to be seen as a nuisance, selfish, spoiled, uncaring, inconsiderate. I truly believe I am one of the ugliest people in existence. I have my father’s face. I don’t know what it’s like to have a fully unguarded, vulnerable and honest connection with a parent. I parent my parents, I have for a long time. i’m incredibly emotionally stunted. I don’t like sharing my problems with others because I don’t want to burden them. I don’t know what a lover’s touch feels like. i’ve never been on a date before, let alone someone’s girlfriend. i’ve been kissed once, but only by an ex-friend who used me for her curiosity. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone want to kiss me, to desire me, need me, love and seek me out again and again. by choice. a first choice. the only choice. but i’m afraid; the only relationship ever modeled for me was one of intense hatred, spite, determined misunderstanding, and voices hoarse from screaming venomous words. i’m afraid of becoming just like them. I resolved that the best way to mitigate the cycle was to become the martyr. peace, at the cost of my desires. but then is that really peace, if I am unable to reap the rewards of that which i’ve sown? i’ve made a vow to never have children. i’d rather die than maim and scar a child the way my mother has done to me. I feel like i’m better off not having a relationship of my own, spare someone the heartache of having to deal with my baggage. I often wonder if in another life, I had positive, healthy influences as a child, would I want to date, marry and have kids of my own with someone equally as lovely? (I think so). but in this life, I feel like it is my responsibility to rip the toxic merry-go-round from its roots, to die quietly. on my own. no one to answer to, therefore no one to harm. is that what I really want? of course not, i’m a hopeless romantic. I desperately seek love everywhere, in places I won’t find it. I dream of what it might be like to be the subject of someone’s affections. to share life with them, understand their dreams and aspirations and explore those with them, to celebrate their success and mourn their losses. I want to make someone feel loved, desired, wanted, appreciated, needed, understood. seen. I want to experience life together. I want true love. I want a devotion so deep I feel the glorious ache in my bones. I want to feel like I don’t have to hide any parts of myself, that I can feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time, to see myself the way they see me, to really understand what it’s like to feel loved. to find meaning in the word again. to be happy. so…what do you like to do in your spare time?

If they were smart, they’d run. how I hope they run.