#what a shame several have to die

[bodhrancomedy]

The streaks of crimson in the river were slowly thickening as we fought our way upstream. The bubbles weren’t even bursting anymore, whatever gas was lurking beneath the surface clearly couldn’t release.

On one hand, I thought, that was a stroke of luck. It seemed unlikely that any of us excluding young Sim since I noticed she was staring at the water with that worrying curiosity I’d come to know – were going to be poisoned by breathing it in.

On the other, it might mean the river was going to explode. Stranger things have happened, and they often happened to us. To be fair, it was because we went looking for them.

“Helene!”

I snapped my head up at my name, just in time to see a shadow disappear into the willows on the opposite bank. My stomach clenched, adrenaline striking between my shoulder blades like a shrapnel shower, radiating across my body. It hadn’t been huge, but it was definitely bigger than any bird or creature that was supposed to be digging out an existence here.

I fingered my pistol, the modifications bulky to the touch. It didn’t make me feel much better. Squinting and cursing my vanity in not letting that new-fangled eye-doctor take a look at me, I focused on the trees, trying to spot anything moving.

So when Sim appeared next to me, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Did’ya see it?” she was trying to whisper a shout. Sim had never done anything quietly.

Turning reluctantly, I shook my head. “Not properly. I just had a glimpse.”

“It weren’t an animal,” Sim said confidently. “Up on two legs an’ all.” She tugged at a haphazardly cut lock of black hair, scrunching her face up in thought. “Didn’t move like a person though.”

“What do you mean?”

“It moved… shaggily. Like shambling, but quicker.”

I blinked, trying to get a fix for what that meant in my head. As usual, Sim’s descriptions weren’t helpful to anyone but her. “Animalistic, you mean?”

She shrugged, looking down at her feet. “Didn’t want to say that, did I? Seems rude.”

That dragged a smile out of me. I reached up and patted her on the elbow. “Never change, Sim. Promise me.”

“So I can touch the water?”

“Absolutely not. Let’s go tell the others. And quickly.”

To my surprise, once we’d hurried (Sim far quicker than I) our way to the helm of The Otter, Jasper was piloting, thick blond eyebrows knitted together in intense concentration. The only acknowledgement we got from him was a flicker of his gaze, but Spices’ ears perked. Panting sparks, the tiny dragon bounded over and headbutted me in the shins. Sim only just caught me.

Gently but firmly moving the begging dragon aside, I asked, “Where’s Alby?”

My tone can’t have been as calm as I’d tried to pitch it because Jasper actually looked at me. He jerked his head towards the steps into the cramped interior. “He’s sortin’ his medicines.”

“But he already did that?” Keeping me awake most of the night too, but I didn’t say it out loud.

“He has a troubling presentiment,” Jasper’s voice dropped into a pitch-perfect imitation of Albie’s low, mixed-up accent. In his normal voice, he continued, “So he’s been frettin’ enough he gave me the wheel.”

“Obviously.” I took a deep breath, fingers curling into fists to stop my hands from shaking. “But there is someone –“

“- Or something!” Sim added, gleefully.

“– Watching and possibly following us from the bank. It might be why the river’s filling up with whatever this red liquid is –“ I held up my hand – “no, it’s not blood. I’m pretty sure of that. But whatever it is – whatever is causing it has to be strong. You’re one with the memory of a sage, Jasper, do you remember anything like that in your research?”

“I…”

“Any myths, any sightings, anything?”

“No.”

“Then we assume it’s new,” I went down the steps as quickly as I dared. Of all the adjustments Alby had made for me, they were still just a bit too high for my small frame. “And we assume it’s a threat.”

Sim was bouncing on the soles of her feet, eyes shining. “D’you reckon there’ll be a fight?”

I paused in the doorway. “I’m sixty-three. I’d rather there wasn’t.”

Then I went in to see if I could pull my oldest friend back from whatever brink he was standing on.

The living quarters were the usual mess of preparations (Jasper’s bunk was worse than mine, but not by much), but the frantic, clink-clink in the back made my heart sink to my feet. Carefully, noting the increasing rocking of the ship, I picked my way across the clothing-and-knickknacks-strewn floor and gently pulled aside the curtain.

It wasn’t good. Alby was hunched over his table, his vials and potions flashing in the last rays of the sun as he repositioned them with the swiftness of a card dealer. The quicker he moved them, the worse the storm in his mind.

It always reminded me of a chess player in the height of the game. Funny, I could always smash Alby at that. He wasn’t much of a cardsharp either.

I cleared my throat loudly, but the shuffling didn’t slow an iota. From behind, I could see the way his beloved moss-green shirt now shrouded his shoulders, excess material bunching under his braces, and that his white hair was flattened against his skull by repeated passes of his hand. He still had bruises too from our last assignment, yellow-green against his skin. I know us older folks take longer to heal up, but this was slow even for him.

I coughed again, wincing in anticipation, and said, “Are you winning?”

He started violently, entire body jackknifing in the chair. By some miracle, his flailing arms managed to miss every one of his precious medicines, but I heard - and felt - his knee slam into the table leg as he twisted.

“Godsdamnit!”

“Alby! It’s me!” I reached out and took his face in my hands, firmly forcing him to look at me. His beard was soft under my palms, his skin as weatherbeaten as my own. “Look, it’s just me, I’m sorry.”

He groaned softly and batted my hands away. “‘Lene, don’t -“ the sentence dissolved into a bout of coughing and he laid his head on the edge of the table.

I took a step closer and squeezed his shoulder. “You bastard,” I murmured, “you lied about feeling better.”

“I do -“ his voice was muffled - “but you caught me off-guard, that’s all.” He raised his head and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Besides, nobody looks the pinnacle of perfection and vitality when you petrify them near perdition.”

I opened my mouth to defend myself when I noticed the half smile hovering around the corner of his mouth.

I threw up my hands. “I’m looking up that sentence later, I don’t think those words mean what you think they do.”

But Alby smiled and that made the sun come out again.

[winepresswrath]

Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.

-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country

[caffeinatedopossum]

Getting sick as an adult and having the terrifying realization that when I would get multiple sinus infections a year from my "allergies" and my mom told me I would die if I didn't take my medicine even though I only felt mildly ill...

yeah turns out what she meant by that was not "sinus infections are very deadly" but was in fact "I will not take you to the hospital if this gets so bad that it starts to kill you and I cannot afford a dead kid on my hands"

[newspecies]

hi. im normal about books. now everyone go read Lone Women by Victor LaValle

[cybertron-after-dark]

what the FUCK happens in cyberverse

Here's a list just off the top of my head, in no particular order. MASSIVE spoilers ahead.

-Wheeljack keeps making party drugs. This is not only accepted but wholly encouraged by the Autobots. He's made the bot equivalent to cocaine so strong it made grimlock physically unable to stop himself from running around the ship at mach 5. This was the basis for an entire episode. He's also made patches that give you a direct link to the Allspark that he passed out at a party specifically to get everyone as fucked up as physically possible. I cannot overemphasize that Optimus make no effort to stop this until things turn destructive on both occasions.

-Soundwave and Shockwave completely fucking hate each other and have a whole rivalry trying to be a better and more useful follower for Megatron than each other.

-Soundwave is a fucking memelord who will play clown music or dramatic riffs to dunk on people from the soundboard he has built into his hardware.

-theres a sort of liminal dimension referred to as Unspace that you can get stuck in and if you are there for too long you will straight up disintegrate. We see this happen to the entire crew aboard the arc from different timelines several times while the main timeline crew we follow tries to escape this fate, thus dooming dozens of other timelines.

-Cheetor is basically Allspark Jesus, and he's tired of all the fighting, so he tries to have Optimus and Megatron settle their differences once and for all. The chosen method for this was making them both play the Newlywed Game. They were both terrible at it, the MegOp Divorce agenda is alive and well.

-the Quintessons invade Cybertron and stick the entire population into a simulation a la The Matrix, which slowly drains their life force until they die. This kills countless unnamed Cybertronians, both Autobot and Decepticon, as well as Hound, who does not get to appear on screen.

-the Quintessons also catch Starscream, rip his face off, and modify him into an Eldritch tentacle beast with his brain attached to two other aliens, and then appoint that amalgamation as the judge that decides the fate of the universe in regards to whether they exterminate all life within it.

-Shockwave commits suicide for Megatron's approval. He launches his spark straight into the Allspark to taint it specifically as a last desperate fuck you to the autobots.

-Soundwave acquired laserbeak by just kind of grabbing a random bird out of the sky.

-Soundblaster is an ex-decepticon that left out of shame. That shame being Soundwave beating his ass in a beatboxing competition so fuckin hard he couldn't show his face around his faction anymore.

-The autobots keep starscream captive and try to get him to take a therapy session with the Arc's AI, and he starts out willing to actually give it a shot but said AI is kind of Stupid and screamer ends up tricking him into letting him escape through an air vent to go wreak havoc instead.

-Starscream also starts a suicide cult with the other Seekers, gains control of Vector Sigma and the Allspark, has the seekers forfeit their sparks to him, thus resulting in a cosmically powered Starscream. He uses that power to "remake" his followers into scraplets that he refers to as, with nothing but love in his tone, his "children."

-Shockwave and Wheeljack are shown to be ex lab partners. Shockwave has an army of drones that look exactly like his altmode that Wheeljack helped program. They are programmed to be able to break out into a coordinated dance number at any given time. Originally this was just to make Wheeljack laugh. Shockwave kept that function in throughout the entire war and initiates it the second there's a truce and Wheeljack asks to see it again.

-Shockwave kidnaps Wheeljack at one point for Science Under Duress purposes and Wheeljack is too invested in all the sweet fuckin tech Shockwave's been making while they were apart to really care that he's being held against his will, and then proceeds to escape without too much issue because he knows Shockwave well enough to know exactly how to disable everything.

-Bumblebee distracts the Decepticons by running in front of their surveillance cameras and shaking his ass in the most underwhelming way imaginable.

-Grimlock is only stupid when he's in his altmode because it takes a lot of power to sustain and he has to sacrifice some of his higher brain functions to keep it manageable. In robot mode he talks like he went to an Ivy League college and knows what champagne tastes like. He throws upscale parties every chance he gets.

-Grimlock also helped start an anticapitalist revolution with Bumblebee when he found an underground society of insect transformers that had a rigid caste system. This was within moments of finding out that the ultra wealthy were hoarding the limited energon reserves for themselves. Grimlock is a comrade and he does not fuck around.

-Skybyte is here and he sounds like Skeletor.

-Windblade and Slipstream are nemeses and somehow it's even more toxic yuri coded than Arcee and airachnid in tfp.

-speaking of Arcee, she's besties with Grimlock. They at one point have a physical fight over who gets to die to protect the other.

-hot rod and soundwave are forced to share leadership over the team of bots and cons that escaped the quintessons' simulation and it's packed with so much homoerotic tension its unreal.

-Maccadam is some kind of lovecraftian war machine that can unfold himself into a whole armory whenever he feels like it. We have no idea what his whole altmode looks like, all we see are the ominous shadows of the weapons on the walls. He uses this specifically as a threat to keep anyone from fighting in his bar bc he's insistent it remain neutral ground. He also can kinda just. See into the future. And casually drops prophecies that get written off as spoonerisms until they turn out to be relevant.

-Optimus Prime has horrific social anxiety that he can kind of power through when he's in a crisis, but the second things are chill and he has to give a speech at a party or something he simply does not know how to function.

-the entire planet of Velocitron gets taken over by cosmic rust and everyone inhabiting it that couldn't escape in time was killed horrifically.

-cosmos is a girl and she hangs out with a dude named Meteorfire who is, for all intents and purposes, just robot Steve Irwin.

-Astrotrain keeps closing doors in people's faces for the funny

-Megatron is killed by a version of himself from an alternate universe that went nuts and starting creating a master race of perfect Decepticons to inhabit Cybertron. Said perfect Decepticons were carbon copies of idw Tarn in all but personality.

-Acidstorm is canonically genderfluid and keeps switching between male and female seeker frames whenever they feel like it

-Kup, who had not been in the show at all until this point, decides to show up and narrate an entire episode like hes giving a political speech.

And, the infamous one we all know and love

-Megatron is a twitch streamer and he livestreams Starscream's fucking funeral. The chat has custom Decepticon emotes.

[zephyrchama]

“This isn’t what I had in mind.” You hesitated to even stand on the rocky shore.

“Whaat? C’mon! Humans love swimming!” Mammon was not going to give up after driving you all the way out here. He tugged on your wrist, hoping you would follow. “Try it!”

“I’m good. I think I’ll stay here. Mammon, go have fun and I’ll watch.” You didn’t even want to sit down. It was enough to stand in place and watch the lake.

“What’s a matter with it, huh?”

“It’s too hot,” Satan stated matter-of-factly.

“Butt out! Nobody asked you.” Mammon kicked a cloud of gravel and stones towards his smart alecky brother, who just shrugged. “Why’d you even tag along anyway?”

A vein above Satan's eye twitched. “You came into my room, interrupted us, and dragged them away. Of course I was going to follow.”

Mammon dismissed Satan with a wave of his hand and shifted his focus back to you. “So the temperature, that's really it? Don’ worry, you’ll get used to it in no time!”

“It is too hot, yeah. I’ll die,” you responded.

“Quit bein’ dramatic.”

“Mammon. I’ll die.”

The lake was gorgeous, with views like you had never seen before. Truly breathtaking scenery that you never dreamed of witnessing in person. Shame that it was a lake of magma.

“Just dip your toes in. Do somethin’ fun.”

The message clearly wasn’t getting through. You exchanged glances with a sympathetic Satan while Mammon took charge, splashing into the lake with exaggerated fervor. “Woo! Yeah, this is it! You two, get over here!”

Satan took a few steps forward and let the slow-moving waves ooze over his toes.

You were content to stand your ground. Heat seeped through the bottom of your shoes. While things were shallow at the shore, this volcano was pretty tall and you were all rather close to its peak. The magma in this crater must go down deep.

“How is your swimsuit okay?” you suddenly called out over the bubbling gases.

Mammon managed to hear you from some distance away. He stopped splashing around and began floating on his back. “Whaddya mean?”

You gestured at his shorts. “Wouldn’t those burn up?”

Mammon gazed at the clouds and let the lava push him back towards shore.

Satan was able to provide a satisfactory explanation. “They’re imbued with our magic. If we took them off and threw them in, the residual magic would first burn up over several minutes and then the fabric would catch fire. Want to see?”

You considered it. This science experiment sounded better than swimming in a billion-degree sea, but then somebody would be lacking pants for the drive back home. “That’s okay.”

[koishiro]

# - 𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐒

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ — 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 : Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Yuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, Toji Fushiguro, Toge Inumaki, Kento Nanami

masterlist | jjk masterlist | anon masterlist

Satoru Gojo

Gojo has no shame, you should know this. It’s no surprise to anyone when they see the jujutsu teacher just waltz over in his usual long strides and (quite aggressively) places his head on your lap. And if you ignore him? Ohohoho he’d be a menace. From nudging his head on your stomach, to biting the soft plush of your thighs, all for you to run your fingers through his hair.

He enjoys laying on your thighs a little too much since he literally won't get up even if you have to go do something important.

“Satu, I have to get up”

“‘M? Later”

“Don’t you have a class to teach?”

“They can wait”

Suguru Geto

Suguru would be slightly more subtle than Gojo, but still pretty affectionate. You’d often find him reading a book or two later followed by a complaint of how stiff and achy his back and neck were which led you to now, sitting down on your shared couch and contentedly scrolling through your phone until you felt an unfamiliar weight weigh down on your lap.

Temporarily turning your attention to the man now taking place on your lap, a book in one hand while the other absentmindedly toyed with the fabric of your shirt, you stared at him for a moment until your burning gaze tore his attention away from his book, as if you were the one to invade his personal bubble.

“Hm? Yes darling? Are you not considering the pain and backache I’ve been going through for this book? Have some sympathy, I thought this would be better for my posture.”

Yuji Itadori

This boy would be so oblivious, not even realising the effect he had on you. He would be in the middle of talking about Human Earthworm 4 and would first start to lean his body weight on your shoulder before gradually moving down to your lap, even going as far as to readjust you and your position just like a pillow.

It would only occur to him what position he’s actually in when his one sided conversation starts to die off, now realising how his head and hands are tucked between your plush thighs - skin on skin contact.

“O-Oh uhm - I’m so sorry!

Megumi Fushiguro

Don’t expect this to ever happen in public but in the privacy of your own home? Megumi would be severely more touchy when he’s tired so when he’s exhausted? He’ll have no shame. Dragging his feet through the threshold of his dorm, his bag being dragged not too far behind he makes a beeline towards his bed where the outline of non other than his lover was hidden beneath the covers.

Leaving his bag behind, Megumi navigates his way towards the warmth of your body before toeing off his shoes and slipping his way between your legs, arms tucked beneath the plush of your thighs. Asking about his day you had to strain your ears to hear his response

“‘missed you. Wanted to come home earlier but Gojo was an ass. R’lly missed your warmth.”

Toji Fushiguro

This man has no shame. If you’d be sitting a centimetre too far for his liking you best know he’s gonna clamp his large hands down on you and drag you to where he likes. He’d even go as far as to lift your legs over his own thighs and (like a cat) paw at the skin of your thighs.

So when you happen to pass by his chair while he’s in the middle of a slightly less than exciting conversation he was having with a name he couldn’t even remember of course his first instinct is to reach out and pull you down, caging you between his two arms - his hands nicely warmed between your two thighs before they ventured and groped at any available skin.

“Stay nice ‘n pretty f’me kay? Don’t wanna make this guy uncomfortable do ya? ‘N keep your pretty mewls to yaself until we get home hm?”

Toge Inumaki

Bby boy just wants to be comforted okay? Is that too much to ask for? He’d already be so comfortable around you that he wouldn’t think twice about what he was doing.

You both could be lying down outside, one or both reading a book and after a while of resting in the same spot for hours on end he’d struggle to find a comfortable spot and the next best thing to a patch of grass? His lover of course. Toge would slowly shift his way towards you so you’d end up as a mesh of bodies resembling a ‘T’. A few squeezes to your thighs every now and then followed by a series of onigri ingredients,

“I should do this more often, you’re much more comfy than any pillow I’ve owned. My own portable neck pillow.”

Kento Nanami

This wouldn’t happen often at the start of your relationship with Kento considering he’s never had to (quite literally) lean on anyone before but it never bothered you, you knew before you threw yourself into the relationship that he’d take some time to warm up and you were right because slowly after months of quick pecks and fleeting touches - the unfamiliar weight of your boyfriends head leaned on your shoulder. The tired eyes and dark bags beneath his eyes said all you needed to know.

“Tired?” With a grunt of agreement, clearly too tired to even lift his head, you lead him down to rest on your lap where he stayed without complaint until hours later when the sun shone through the living room curtains and the blanket you managed to reach and place over top you both before swiftly joining him lay on the floor long forgotten. Nanami would all but bury his face deeper between your thighs - chasing the warmth they emanated while his hands found closure beneath them.

“Please, don’t move. At least not yet.”

[she-is-ovarit]

Elders, seniors, "old people"... they are going through:

Witnessing their classmates, best friends, significant others, loved ones die at an unsettling pace.

Being isolated.

Experiencing frightening and invasive health issues.

Being reminded repeatedly in their daily lives that they are closer to dying than most people.

Wondering if they'll be abused in nursing homes.

Wondering if some day they'll get cancer or Alzheimers.

Their children and the younger generation treating them with impatience and as if they are stupid despite them living through generations of history.

Being completely disregarded and devalued by broader society.

Psychologically trying to work towards acceptance of age and deteriorating health.

Wondering if they'll end up in a nursing home with no visits from loved ones.

Ending up in a nursing home, often uprooted from where they've lived for years.

Being unable to live independently.

Becoming severely disabled

Being abused in private.

Being completely ignored by those they depend on for care.

Having to navigate wills for the first time and choosing what to give to whom, minding family member needs and dynamics in addition to legalese.

Being taken advantage of and scammed through technology and processes that confuse them.

Experiencing memory lapses and confusion, often alone.

Struggling to communicate.

Being treated and percieved as "outdated".

Having to quit jobs they've loved.

Sometimes coming to the realization that they're not able to take care of their pet.

Experiencing losing their bladders and the embarrassment and shame that comes with it.

Having no mentors anymore.

The least we can do is listen, be patient, and not cast them aside. They have less time than most of us on this earth and they are choosing to spend some of it with us.

[solannn]

─── ꒰𝓗𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝓐𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓꒱

─── 🌸 𝓦𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ; ROUGH SEX (?), BREEDING KINK, INTOXICATED SEX ( SMOKE PLAY ), BURN MARK, AMAB!READER, BOTH ARE DICKS, F-SLUR, SLUT SHAMING, DIRTY TALK, LOVE BITES, P IN ASS, POOLRY WRITTEN, UNPROTECTED SEX

─── 🌸 𝓢𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ; IN 𝓦HICH A HEATED ARGUMENT LEADS TO A ROUGH SEX

for my moots @vrtualirl

During a soccer match, You didn't follow Kaiser's plan to pass the ball to him for the final goal, but instead passed the ball to another teammate, Isagi, his rival he despises the most. Kaiser was furious with you. "[Name]!" he shouted your name across the field, you were talking to his rival about the goal, which it enraged him even more, you turned to him and saw him stomping towards you, his eyebrows furrowed, his face irritated. "I think I fucked up lol, he'll probably yell at me like a bitch, I swear to god." You sighed and told your soccer teammate to leave so you wouldn't have to witness their fight. "You fucking, fucked everything up." Kaiser reached up to your face and grabbed your jersey and lifted you up slightly, he forcing you to look him in the eye. "Did you even listen to my idea, were you even listening to me ? What were you thinking playing with this fucking rats ?" Kaiser's face turned dark at the thought of seeing you playing with Isagi.

"I think I did my job by playing, lmao by playing the soccer game ? Did you fucking think you could give me orders? I’m not your bitch, and You're not my goddamn father, so calm the fuck down." You replied by rolling your eyes, thinking his anger at you was useless. "Shut the fuck up, Bëchker. You're the annoying person I've ever seen, acting like a shit and helping Isagi score when I told you to give me the ball to me." he used your lastname to find a way to shut you up, he let go of your shirt and grabbed his hair and pulled it.

You whimpered faintly at the pain. "Fuck off you cunt! Leave my fucking hair alone, you hoe! leave it alone, shit. You're getting upset just over a stupid match, it seems like you're the stupid one here acting like this and grabbing your hair, are you jealous that my haircut isn't messed up and doesn’t look like two rats fucking tails?!" You let go of his grip and frowned. "You're getting me mad as fuck over some fucking soccer game, I swear, why are you so stubborn?" You snapped at him as you gave him the finger and you walked away. "Fuck you." Kaiser whispered as he peered at you heading for the exit. You and he were the only people left in the field, but now he was alone. He clenched his fist, still angry at you.

In a long corridor you made your way to the shower on your left. You sighed at the interaction you'd just had, sometime the boy wanted to made you throw him out the window, he was a spoiled bitch in your opinion. He acted as if there were no consequences to his actions. As you stepped into the room and undressed yourself to wash yourself, you entered the shower and turned on the water, the water was hot enough as you wanted it.

The warm water touching your skin was so pleasant that all the negative thoughts you'd had about Kaiser began to slip away. But then you heard the door slam, someone had entered the shower room and you knew who it was. You ignored the person, deciding to concentrate on your shower, and after a several minutes you turned off the water and stepped out of the stall. The person who had entered the shower after him also came out at the same time, you were really irritated, all you wanted to do everything to avoid him, you tried to be positive and think it was a coincidence that pissed you off.

"Are you doing this on purpose or what, asshole, hope you fucking die you bitch." You couldn't stop yourself from insulting him, his attitude pissed you off immensely. "Shut the fuck up, bitch." Kaiser replied without even looking at you. You grunted and wiped yourself with your towel and put on a pair of underpants, and the tension between you two was awkward, but you knew it would be worse when you were in the dorm with him, since you shared the same room as him. You left the shower room first, leaving Kaiser none the wiser. The blonde frowned as he watched you leave. "Shitty whore, I’ll make you regret."

You made your way to your dormitory, already tired from the day. When you got to the door, it opened automatically and you entered without any trouble. You went to your closet and grabbed the shorts that Blue Lock had given you as pajamas, along with a sweater with the brand's logo on it. You quickly put them on and moved to your bed, which was only a few inches away. "I need a cigarette." You leaned over to your nightstand, pulled out one of the drawers, and took out your pack of cigarettes with the lighter. You opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue, simultaneously opening the pack and placing one on your tongue.

You closed your mouth, the orange stalk at the end was quite unpleasant to feel on your tongue, the texture of the wrapping was also bitter. You brought your lighter to the cigarette and lit it, a small orange-yellow flame appeared. The cigarette was now lit, and you placed the lighter on the table after using it and extinguishing it. You inhaled the smoke, and after that you picked up the cigarette with your index and middle fingers, and removed the cigarette from your lips. You blew the smoke away. You did this several times, thinking deeply.

But someone interrupts your thoughts with a sentence. "Smoking in the bedroom? How many times do I have to tell you not to smoke in here, are you deaf, you stupid bastard?". Kaiser was in the bedroom getting dressed, but you hadn't noticed because you were deep in thought. "It's not my fucking problem that you can't stand smoking, you can just choke on it." Kaiser approached you as soon as you were dressed and leaned into your face. "Shut your mouth, you brainless faggot whore, I hope you die with your fucking cigarette," you backed away as soon as you heard him say that, but he started to get closer and closer.

"You think that insult will scare me or something faggot?" a silence answered him. Kaiser was standing over you, pinning you to your bed, and you decided to break the silence. Kaiser grabbed your cheeks and squeezed them to make you shut up he took your cigarette out of your mouth, the snout still lightened up. You noticed his blue ocean eyes were filled with hatred for what you'd done to him before, but also filled with lust. You tried to speak, but Kaiser leaned down and kissed you.

Your eyes widened, surprised by his action, he let go of your cheeks and closed his eyes. Your bodies pressed warmly against each other, breathing heavily. You closed your eyes as well and wrapped your arms around his neck. Your heart beat increased faster and faster with each passing second, Kaiser began to put his hands under your shirt, touching your flesh.

You moaned slightly as you felt his cold fingers touch your warm skin. The kisses became hot and the sexual tension between them increased, your knees grew weak from the pleasure you felt from the kiss. During the kiss you felt a burning on your neck, you whimpered at the pain you felt, you opened your eyes and saw Kaiser burning your neck with his cigarette, he pressed more and more on your neck with the cigarette and took advantage of your moaning to put his tongue into your mouth. You curled your toes as you felt Kaiser's wet muscles penetrate his mouth, tears welling up in your eyes.

In the middle of your kiss, Kaiser stopped. The blond crushed your cigarette against your skin for the last time and threw it on the bedroom floor. You whined that he'd stopped in the middle of making out, Kaiser rolled his eyes at your complaints. "Quit whining, whore." He stated and moved to your neck and kissed it, sucking on your sensitive skin and using his teeth to leave a red mark shaped like round on your skin.

You put your hand over your mouth and stifled the moan that escaped your throat, which displeased the Emperor. With his left hand, he pulled your hand away and gripped it tightly. "Don't hide your howl, I want to hear it, and that's an order," he let go of your arm as you obey by not putting your hands on your lips, the male begun licked the burn he'd made a few minutes ago. "Ngh... it hurtsss, but ts so good" a faint blush appeared on your cheeks, listening to Kaiser's deep and demanding voice, you felt yourself getting hard in your crotch, which Kaiser quickly noticed your erection.

Kaiser removed your shorts along with your underwear, exposing your erect cock. Your cock was leaking pre-cum from the tip, with his hand he gripped your cock, as you felt his hand taking your penis, it twitched at his grip and with with his thumb Kaiser pressed on your foreskin, and you let out a whimper as you arched your back in pleasure. You bent your legs and squeezed together when Kaiser put too much pressure on the tip.

The blonde easily separate your legs because of how weak they were. As he stroked your dick dryly without using any spit or lube as the mouvements increased ad the second passed, as he left a few fresh and painful bites marks on your thighs as he rubbed your dick at the same times . "You're going way too fast," you whined, feeling your legs curling and shaking as your finger nails was digging into his neck’s flesh at the hard pleasure you felt. With his other hand, he reached under your shirt and moved his hand to your shirt, pinching and twisted your nipples with his fingers.

All of this overstimulated you enormously, you couldn't stop yourself from dropping a thick, white and sticky white liquid on Kaiser's hand and squirting your semen on the boy's pajamas. Kaiser glanced at you with cums on his palms and spoke “did I even allow to cum?” He demanded as he lift up his brows as he starred at you, under pressure you nodded no. “Then fucking don’t it if I didn’t say anything.” You sigh as your hair was scattered on the beds, sweat was on your forehead and the heat was increasing between the two of you, you were already tired knowing it wasn't over yet. Kaiser grunted, "Tired already, whore? We've only just started," he lifted your legs and put them over his shoulders. “Before you ask, we don’t need a safe word. You should handle everything I want to give you.” You frowned at him. “That’s the stupidest I’ve ever heard from you, we do fucking need a safe word.” You argued back but he couldn’t give a single shit about your words, he was the one ordering here.

He pulled down his pants and his underwear slightly, the gap was big enough to let his cock free from his clothes. His cock had boner, and seemed massively rigid in your eyes. It was abnormally long and large, did he got bigger you wondered in your head. “Spread your leg wider.” He ordered, which you did until you realized. “Hey! No prep or anything at all like my ass is dry?” You inquired about if he was going to prepare you, he looked he was going straightforward to your butthole without any spit or lubrifiant. “I don’t think you fucking need prep by the way you were acting, i don’t care if you’re not prepared you’ll handle it and love it anyway you bitch.” He grabbed his cock and pushed his tips toward your entrance, then he slowly put it in puckered hole. When he fully entered, he made a low rough noise at how tight was your hole, he bent closer to your face with your legs still on his shoulders, he was slightly impressed at how flexible you were.

“Fuckkk, you’re fuckin’ tight as hell..”Kaiser moaned at the savoring the exquisite sensation of your dry walls clenching around him. you tried you best to adjust to its size, but the male started to began to move, rolling his hips against yours, you felt like he was ripping your hole with his cock inside of you. The rapidity of his thrust slowly boosted ; all the things you could do is whine at how bad it was hurting although you were also pleased by his thrust. As the adult gripped with his hands your hips, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, as he tried to find your prostate located in your butthole.

Once he find it, he took time to abuse it as he please, you made one of the lewd sounds you could ever made as you cried out to go slower as tears flowed down your face at the ecstasy he made you feeling. Your back arched as your nail clawed at Kaiser’s neck leaving red scratches on it. You felt you eye-lids grew heavier, you couldn’t think at what you were doing but the only thing you knew is that you came on your sweatshirt and it also squirted on your face as you fell into unconsciousness in your bed. Kaiser remarks that you were not awake anymore, he did few more thrust before letting his semen escape his urethral opening, his cum filled your walls as he took off his cock out of it. Seeing you with his sperm dripping from your was kinda of you, sometimes he wished you were a girl just breed you til you were pregnant.

He sighed and captured your hands to take it off his neck, his rubbed his neck as he touched one of the scratches you made and glanced at it, a crimson liquid was on his fingertip, blood. Now he has to disinfect his neck, and he has also have to take care of your case too.

[yurinaa-world]

"𝑅𝑒𝓅𝓊𝓃𝓏𝑒𝓁 𝑅𝑒𝓅𝓊𝓃𝓏𝑒𝓁 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝒟𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝐻𝒶𝒾𝓇"

💫𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈: Moze, Jing Yuan, Aventurine, & Blade x Gender-Neutral reader

💫𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: His hair is something else

💫𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Fluff, & Spelling Mistakes

💫𝑀𝑜𝓏𝑒 “𝒮𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝒢𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒴𝒶𝑜𝓆𝒾𝓃𝑔”

A shadow guard like Moze has no time to take care of himself, which truly does explain the texture of his hair, rough and slightly tangled—because he never took care of it, has a lot of split ends with how his hair was styled and cut, it’s horrendous. 

He doesn’t have time to care about outside appearances and you usually can’t catch him on a day off to take care of his body properly until he (unlucky) gets injured and gets sent home, acting shameful and wishing he did things differently as if he got suspended from school. But you think this is positive since now he should take his “day off” and take care of himself.

Since he’s spending it with you, he’ll accept his situation. “See now you’re hair feels nice,” you complimented, scratching his scalp with your fingers, while you sat on the bed and had him sitting on the ground; his arm around your calf, pressing the side of his face against your knee. He may have been injured, but at least he can enjoy every part of your body, even your legs. “Doesn’t it feel nice when finally take care of hair?”

“Mhm,” He hummed. forget his hair, the feeling of you is way better to him. It might just be his only bliss. His hair was usually dry and unkept, like a quick comb (if he was lucky) and getting out there. (He would try to fix it up when going to see you, like running his hands slightly through it—just making him look like a total goof). 

Such rugged and matted feeling to it, yet it never bothered him when it was in his face, you always chided him about personal care, and he tried to listen, he truly did but his life had always been like this before you fell into his life. Old habits just die hard.

“Moze, move, I need to dry your hair.” Gently tapping him so he could move off your leg so you could dry his hair, yet he refused, he wanted to stay in this position for a little longer, but for the first time in a long time, he’s let his guard down.

“Forget it.”

💫𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒞𝓁𝑜𝓊𝒹 𝒦𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈"

His hair is slightly messy when he puts it down from that ponytail he wears every day, his hair has been cut in several different layers which has just caused a complete mess when it’s put down. You needed a closer look at it, just curious, which he doesn’t mind at all, just keep running those pretty fingers like a lullaby being sung to a child and he won’t complain.

There may be a few tangles here and there, yet his hair was soft. The odd thing is, there are always birds popping in and out of that white nest that he calls his hair so you didn’t expect it to feel so good! 

“Seems like you’re having fun, yet try to be a little gentle with me.” 

That tired expression accompanied by his groggy voice, looking up at you from your soft lap as if you were some being out of this world. 

“Was I being too rough?” You worried, stopping your fingers, “I was only messing with you, keep on going,” he reassured you, a smile plastered on his lips just to make feel better, which you just laughed at before going back to where you left off. 

“Your hair is so odd.”

“What is odd about it?”

“So many layers and cuts at this point you’ll just have to wait for it to grow back to put into one proper layer.” you talked like some sort of dictionary that you were all about hair, yet it was adorable that you analyzed the strands of his hair as if he were your subject in a lab. 

“Do you like the style of it now?” he hummed, eyes closed and relaxing while your gentle fingers prodded against his scalp.

 “Of course I do! It suits you well! I couldn’t imagine you with anything else.”

“If you like it then I shall keep it that way.”

💫𝒜𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑒 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝑒𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓇 𝑀𝒶𝓃𝒶𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝐼𝒫𝒞 𝒮𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓉𝑒𝑔𝒾𝒸 𝐼𝓃𝓋𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒟𝑒𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉"

His hair looks like something out of a commercial, it looks so glossy like a diamond, looking smooth and soft to the touch, and you can't forget how well-moisturized it is. It makes any hair model jealous of him, yet it just makes you wanna touch his hair more, just to feel if it’s as soft as it looks. You can’t help yourself, it’s more like a need than a want.

No tangles, no matting, nothing bad at all. Just a touch that’s all you have to do while he wears his signature hat.

“Want a touch?”

He won’t act like he doesn’t see you staring, loving at his hair, looking like you wanted to get a feel—eyes lighting up whenever he goes to take off his hat. Tonight he feels tired, just wanting a little love from you after a tough workday. You, were already in bed as he came in, arms out waiting for him to hug you, which he couldn’t resist.

Feeling your arms around him, probably fixed the stiffness of his shoulders, as if you’re like a remedy to every problem he’s had.

 His scalp is killing him, won’t you help him out? Taking off the hat that sat perfectly on the top of his head and threw it to the side, one knee down on the bed, sinking the bed with the weight of his knee, before bending down; giving the go-ahead card to touch his hair.

It was just as soft as it looked to be, your soft fingers gently going through and touching his hair. He can see your eyes shine so brightly while playing with his hair as if he were a little doll.

Just the feeling of those pretty fingers makes him want to stay forever.

“Keep on going.”

💫𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒 "𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓇𝑜𝓃 𝐻𝓊𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈"

Rough and straw-like, are the only words you can use to describe his hair, you can tell he never takes care of it properly—always too busy going on missions, a quick shower—to get all that muck off and he’s gone out again, it’s truly a sad sight to see. A man with those illustrious locks of hair just to not be treated properly.

Even now with his hair wet and still filled with so many tangles, every time you try to move the hairbrush after fighting with a knot it just ends with another fight with another nasty knot, which makes him look back at you, biting his lip while pain looks in his eyes, as this wasn’t just the consequences of his actions. 

“Don’t look at me like that, you should brush your hair more often,” you groan after manually untangling the knot in his locks before arriving at the same problem again when you attempt to brush it again. “What am I going to do with you, blade,” sighing at the fact it’s been an hour of you doing this.

You hear his groans of pain while going through his hair, sectioning it pretty well. You can feel your hands go numb from all that fighting you had to do with his hair, but it was worth it since now his hair is silky smooth and smells like oranges, you can’t forget the little bows as well, and he’ll let put it on begrudgingly since you did all that work (and that you gaslit him about your pain).

“Like it? You’re so pretty now.”

“Tsk…”

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[catherinnn]

Can you please do a fic where Eddie and reader get into a fight over stupid jealousy, and Eddie brings up the fact that the reader had a history of sleeping around before they started dating and uses that against her. She gets speechless and leave and Eddie realizes how bad he messed up, tries to chase after her but she's already gone. He spends days trying to get her to talk to him and she just keeps avoiding him several times. Robin and Steve seeing how distant both Eddie and Y/N have been, decide to work together with Eddie to help him get Y/N back.

(this is inspired by how you get the girl)

That's How It Works

eddie munson x fem!reader

warnings: so so so much fluff, fighting, slut shaming, hurt-comfort.

words: 1.3 k masterlist

a/n: thank you so much for requesting <33 I'm catching up with the other requests too, i promise :)

“You were all giggly with him” he interrupts.

“Eddie, we were just talking-“ You try to explain but he wasn’t listening.

“I laughed cause he made a joke!” You could laugh right now from what he’s accusing you of.

If someone told you you’d be coming back to the trailer after Eddie’s performance in The Hideout going at it fighting instead of all over each other, you would have been surprised.

But this is where you are right now. He’s jealous that you ran into an old friend while he played. However, he’s not only accusing you of flirting with him, but also of not even paying attention to his show.

“You cannot tell me that douchebag made an actual funny joke” he contradicts.

“What is this big problem you have with him? You don’t even know him” you complain.

“How do you know him?” he asks in a tone of accusation, you answer either way.

“He was an old friend from high school”

“Just a friend?” he asks again looking pissed, like that wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs clenching his jaw. You wait for him to explain himself.

“Giving your history before you met me, forgive me if I have some trust issues” he reproaches angrily.

You laugh bitterly. “Did you seriously just said that?”

“N- no, wait-“ he sighs and then tries to make it better but it’s a little too late now.

“I’m out of here” you say grabbing your jacket again and opening the door.

“Wait, sweetheart-“

“For your fucking information, he was just a friend. Hopefully, that helps you sleep better tonight” you say sarcastically and storm off.

Eddie stays pondering on what you said realizes he went too far. He goes after you but as he gets outside he sees your car already driving away.

He waits a few minutes until what he thinks will take you to get home and starts calling, no one answers.

He keeps trying for a couple more days but you either hang up as soon as you hear his voice, or not answer his calls all together. 

“Boy, I need to use the phone” Wayne says after Eddie’s been calling three times in a row.

“Fine, just let me leave a message” Eddie says and Wayne stays there waiting.

“Do you mind? It’s kinda personal” he says. Wayne rolls his eyes giving him his space, mumbling “What the hell did he do now?”, but he can already imagine.

“Hey, Munson” Steve greets him once he sees him entering Family Show.

“Hey, can you call [y/n]?” Eddie asks.

“Uhh sure, but why can’t you call her?” Steve asks confused.

“I kind of… fucked up and she won’t answer my calls” Eddie admits embarrassed.

“Oh no, what did you do?” Steve sighs.

“Do you really need to know?”

“Yes, and actually wait here” Steve asks before going to the back room only to return with Robin.

“You fucker” it’s the first thing she says as she sees him.

“You know already?” Eddie complains.

“Of course I know, she called me right away” she explains. “You have some fucking nerve”

“I know, I know. I was so stupid and mean and I didn’t even listen to her-“ Eddie regrets himself.

“What happened?” Steve interrupts and Robin explains as Eddie covers his face in embarrassment wanting to die right here and now.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Steve complains after Robin fills him in.

“I know, I fucking hate myself right now” Eddie says. “But I’ve been calling her ever since that same night to explain how sorry I am and she doesn’t want to listen”

Robin wants to make a comment saying ‘you had it coming’ or something like that but as she sees him almost crying as he says all that, she decides against it. Plus, she knows you listen to every voice mail he leaves you almost cuffing yourself so you don’t call him back.

So she decides to help him.

They give him tips on how to get you back; like going to your house instead of calling you —Steve said to do it tonight because it was supposed to rain and it would be more dramatic;— they told him to say cheesy lines like ‘I broke your heart and I’ll put I back together’. He was wary about all of this but Robin ended the list with a proud smirk saying:

“And that’s how it works, that’s how you get the girl”

So he decided to trust her. He bought the flowers, and waited until it started to rain.

You stayed watching a movie tonight. Normally the rain helps you sleep like a baby, but lately it was harder and harder for you to finally get some sleep. Ever since the fight.

You were wondering if it was time to pick up one of his calls and talk, but you wished he would do something more. Something that showed how sorry he actually was.

You were watching some cheesy rom-com where they are always more dramatic and romantic. Right in the middle of his love confession you hear a knock on your door. It was late already and raining like crazy so it must have been a branch or something.

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie was soaking wet on the other side praying to Ozzy Osborne that you open the door and not one of your parents. He keeps knocking, cursing Harrington under his breath for this idea, until you finally open the door.

“Are you insane?!” you ask him once you see him. His curls no longer defined because of the water soaking them. The flowers he held in his hand were still looking pretty, only damped. His hellfire shirt almost see through from how wet it was, showing the tattoos underneath.

“I’m sorry” he tries to start but he’s shaking. You let him in, but before you can go grab a tower he stops you.

“Eddie, you’re shaking!” you complain.

“Just listen, please” he asks. “Here, these are for you” he hands you the flowers and you take them.

You stand there astound at his confession. Not only that but the way he did it and the words that he said.

“It’s been a long week, and I missed you like crazy” he starts and you let him explain. “I’m so so sorry for what I said, I- I lost my mind." he takes a deep breath.

"I want you, I don’t even fucking care about your history before, and I’ll make it up to you until the day that I die." he promises

"I understand that you’re angry at me but I’ll wait for you. Forever and ever” he finishes.

He always made fun of you for loving those silly rom-coms and romance books where they’re extra-cheesy. He didn’t like it, they made him cringe. But he understood now. The romantic gestures and love confessions.

After a few seconds you smile, almost mocking him. “How cliché of you, Munson”

He looks at you, not knowing if this means you’re cool now. But you don’t let him overthink it for a long time. You run to his arms, rolling your eyes smiling because he knew just how to make it better.

He engulfed you in his arms, squeezing you. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, I was an asshole”

“You were, yeah.” you agree. “Can you start trusting me more from now on?”

“Yes, I promise” he says nodding repeatedly.

“I didn’t know you could be so sappy” you joke and he rolls his eyes playfully.

“Don’t tell anyone”

“Oh but I will, Gareth and Jeff are gonna die with this information” you laugh imagining all the jokes they will make.

“Oh come onnnn” he complains.

“But I love it though, so don’t feel ashamed” I confess sweetly.

“Only for you, you little tease”

“Alright, let’s go watch Nothing Hill now. Julia Robert’s speech has nothing on yours!” I mock him.

And that’s how it goes. That’s how you get the girl.

[skzdarlings]

the kiss ; skz ; lee know x reader

pairing: lee know/reader content info: friends to lovers, established friends w benefits but they are in love, your honour. reader is a gnc woman. top!reader, bottom!minho, some light dom!reader, sub!minho. mahandling, teasing, handjobs, rimming, spitting, strap-ons, mentions of past pegging, mentions of spanking/belting, lots of smooching word count: 3000 words.

this was originally going to be a multi-part story but i changed my mind thus this went to die in my graveyard of scraps. however i love this couple and i liked this scene and it seemed a shame to not post it at all haha. hopefully others will enjoy it too :)

<3

-

Raising your kid brother means you will forever occupy the nebulous, fucked up space of Not-Your-Parent, Still-Your-Mom, even when said kid brother has long stopped being a kid.  Jeongin will always be your first priority. 

Minho knows it too.  He has been your best friend for several years now.  He knows you.  He knows you will always stop what you’re doing if Jeongin needs you. 

Even at the tragic expense of an orgasm. 

It’s two o-clock in the morning, an hour after you got off work bartending.  Minho has to be up for his office job in four hours so he was grumbly when your horny ass woke him up with a bulge pic.  You like to consider yourself above obnoxious hormone-driven decisions, but that’s before the strap-on straps on.  Several inches of silicone later and you’re taking (tasteful) fake-dick dick pics in the bar bathroom. 

Minho answers the door shirtless, his grey sweatpants betraying his already chubbed up semi, and with an extraordinarily icy glare that not even his sleep-mussed blonde hair can diminish.  He snarks at you until you curl your fingers into his dark roots and yank. 

It takes only minutes to manhandle him back into his bed, moments to get his sweatpants off, and seconds to have your fingers around his throat and his dick gliding through your spit-wet fist. 

You end up horizontal across the middle of his big bed.  You’re still in a t-shirt and jeans, your boots and leather jacket somewhere on the floor.  Minho is naked and covered in little love bites, his body a fading canvas of your previous times together.  The sight never fails to make you ache, your fingers tracing the evidence of your own hungry desires. 

You kneel between his open legs and he impatiently pries open your belt.  His mouth ticks up in an amused grin as you let him whip the belt out of its loops.  He tosses it behind him, his smile a smidgeon cocky even while on his back. 

You would never call him cute, because he’d probably slap and correct you (he’s handsome, thank you very much), but he is.  Cute.  Sweet.  The way he cocks his head, the way he gazes up at you.  There’s an erratic heartbeat in both your cunt and actual heart, the latter more pronounced than usual.   Your eyes have already adjusted but the blue darkness of his bedroom seems fuzzier, everything around him disappearing in a blurry smog of relative insignificance.   

“You’re staring,” he says, his fingers crawling under your shirt.  His knuckles brush your nipple through your sports bra.  He pulls a face when he pinches it meanly. 

You grab both his wrists and yank his hand out of your shirt.  He does not look remotely chagrined, instead he is beaming with satisfaction, like he was the one who planned your reaction.  

You pin his hands above his head then lean over him.  His playful arrogance fades, his gaze jumping to your mouth then back to your eyes.  It brings your attention to his mouth, pink and wet, his bottom lip plump and bitten from his own teeth running over it. 

You have kissed him before.  It isn’t a habit but also isn’t strange.  You were the first to ever initiate a kiss.  It was the third time you slept together and the first time you properly came from fucking someone.  The base of a toy in a strap-on can sometimes provide some stimulation against your clit, depending on a few factors, but you usually have to be pretty worked up to even get close. 

He got you more than close, taking you right over the edge.  You all but fell onto him with the desperation of your kiss.  His ankles were hooked behind your back, his face warm where your thumb stroked his skin, where you raked fingers into his sweaty hair as you sunk deep inside him with dick and tongue at once. 

You usually kiss like that: in the throes of something especially electrifying.  You think this might be the first time you kiss him so simply, just like this, with clarity and consciousness, spurred by affection more than thoughtless passion.  A deliberate kiss, as you lean down and do just that, his lips warm and open against yours. 

His eyes close, his brow furrows.  

The thing about Minho that turns you on the most is how he… well, how he Minhos.  His smirking, his snarking, his fake impatience, how much he dishes out.  He’s your friend, someone you’ve sat beside on weekend camping trips, resting in comfortable silence around a fire while Jeongin and his friends cause a ruckus somewhere down on a beach.  Minho will sit on your couch with his feet in your lap, his hat backwards, wearing glasses so he can read the nutritional content on a snack bag while you carelessly scarf down its contents.  He’ll tease you kindly, let you playfully knock your knuckles under his chin.  He’ll cook you meals when you haven’t eaten all day, too busy with everything to take care of yourself, but he’ll wave away any expression of gratitude after the fact.  He’s good, utterly, but he likes to be trouble too. 

And that’s what really gets you going, something you admit can’t be replicated with any other lover.  Because they aren’t Minho.  And that’s the best part. 

Like this.  Playful and catty and mad you woke him when he has work tomorrow, but turning soft and pliant under your body.  His brow is drawn tight as you kiss him, like he can’t comprehend the sheer pleasure of it.  He breathes in through the kiss, a trembling breath that flutters on your lips, then he cranes his neck to kiss you again. 

You press his head into the bed.  Somewhere in the simmering warmth of your kiss, your hands shift so your fingers lace and push against the bed.  He makes a keening sound, his back arching, kiss breaking with a deep breath as his hips and cock and thighs make contact with your jeans.  

He turns his face to the side and closes his eyes.  His chest moves with the quickness of his breathing, somehow looking like you’ve fucked for him hours when all you’ve really done is kiss him. 

His fingers tighten around yours when you kiss his exposed cheek, down his jaw, down his neck.  He rips his hands out from under yours only to throw them around your shoulders.  His fingers dive into your hair, rough and demanding when he pulls your head back to his.  His mouth opens for a kiss, his tongue slashing against yours when you give it to him.  You kiss him hard, kiss him until his fingers go weak and his arms are shaky, clinging to your neck like a lifeline. 

“That’s it, baby. So good,” you say, a slur of words without thinking too hard.  You blink with some amazement at the noise he makes, the way his whole body rears up against yours.  You cradle his hips and lick his red over-kissed mouth.   

Then your phone buzzes.  He hears it first, or at least registers the reality of it first, head whipping to his bedside table where you left it.  He is already glaring when you lift your face.  Your head is spinning, your mouth as raw as his.   

He digs his fingernails into your back through your t-shirt.  He has also painted something of a mosaic there, faded thin lines from overeager fingers scratching when you fuck him.  You obviously cannot directly feel when you are inside him, but he makes sure you feel it other ways.  Sometimes you feel it for days.  

He’s still glaring.  God, that expression really does get you so hot.  You are literally throbbing under the silicone in your jeans. 

“You’re going to check that, aren’t you, asshole,” he says with more resignation than genuine malice. 

“I should,” you say.  “Just in case it’s—”

He makes a noise that starts as a sigh and turns to a scream.  You rub your ear after. 

“Your dick isn’t even real,” he says, throwing an arm over his eyes, “and you still manage to disappoint me.”

You laugh, so fond of him.  Your pounding heart is not slowing down.   It’s hard to look away from him, though you manage it long enough to see your phone light up with a text alert. 

He grabs your chin, turning your face back to his. 

“Make me come first, or I’m biting it,” he says.

“B-biting what?”

“Your dick.  I’ll chew the head off.”

“Please don’t gnaw on my dick.  It was expensive.”

“Orgasm. Now.”

He throws his arms out to the sides, eyebrows lifted in an expression of pointed expectation. 

His position briefly reminds you of the first time you ever did this, years ago.  You never complained about the obligations that came with raising Jeongin, but it wasn’t exactly easy.  Between leaving school to work and shirking your social life, you made more than a few sacrifices. You off handedly expressed the vaguest desire for something more substantial than one night stands but not as serious as a relationship, given your responsibilities, and Minho replied by throwing his arms up and giving you that exact same look. 

Well? his challenging eyes have always said.  You have never backed down from a challenge. 

You run your hands down his sides.  His arms jerk because it tickles, but you hold him down to lick and bite from hip to pit to shoulder.  He wriggles under you, his breath getting shallower.  His dick twitches when your hand curls tightly around it. 

You know how to make him come quickly.  You know his body like a well-loved song, every peak and crescent long since memorized. 

You manhandle him onto his front.  He gives in when you push down his head and shoulders, lets his knees push his backside up, up, up.  His toes curl and uncurl, his voice breaking into choppy little mewls that make you throb.   You spit on his hole and your mouth chases it, tongue doing what your dick would have done.   Your other hand is under him, stroking in steady tandem.  

You don’t rush.  It won’t take long anyway because he isn’t trying to hold back. 

That makes you wonder, for a moment.  If he even could hold his orgasm.  Your sex doesn’t exactly resemble conventional intercourse between a man and a woman so it’s not usually too important if he stays very hard or not, greedy with his orgasms and never restraining long.  Denial isn’t something you’ve ever played with.   Prolonged orgasm control is something of a commitment in its own right.   Years ago, when you started this, you were avoiding those commitments.  

Now…  Well, Jeongin is older, living in a university dorm.  You live in a flat on your own.   You aren’t seeing anyone else and haven’t so much as hooked up with a stranger in months.  You know Minho hasn’t slept with anyone else in more than a year.  

You think about how he kissed you back.  You think of his backwards hats, his laughter, his sighing as he wraps himself around you.   

You imagine slowing your touch, telling him to hold it.  Don’t come.  Because I’m going to fuck you tomorrow, because you’re mine, and I want you ready for it. 

Your mouth gets him wet enough that spit runs down his skin.  You circle your thumb around his rim, press in, and murmur, “Wish I could come inside you.” 

He comes like that, shoving his face into the bedcovers to stifle his strangled yell.  Minho is always loud when he finishes, maybe something to do with being an only child and latchkey kid to boot.  He has lived alone for most of his life so he has never had a reason to be quiet.  As someone who comes silently, you like it, that unabashed eruption of pleasure that he can’t really hide. 

You nip the curve of his ass and narrowly dodge the backward swipe of his hand.  He keeps his face buried in the blanket, grumbling nonsense as he finally lowers his hips.  You straddle his ass and smooth your hands up his spine, watching him shudder under your touch.  You run your hands up and up, over his shoulders to cup his face and lift it out of the blankets.

“Up more,” you say. 

He’s always at his nicest and most obedient right after coming.  With only a little huff, he pushes his torso up and tips his head back.  His eyes flick up to where you lean over him.  The bulge of your packed toy is sitting on his ass. 

“Open,” you say. 

He opens his mouth, still gazing up and back at you.  Those dark eyes make all the blood in your heart rush lower, thumping frantically.  His head falls all the way back when your hands circle his throat to hold him there.  He only closes his eyes when you spit in his mouth, lips closing around it as he moans like you just gave him the sweetest gift in the world. 

“Good,” you say, kissing the top of his head.   

He groans and flops back down, then brings his arms forward to fold and cushion them under his head.  He lifts his hips to grind his ass against your bulge, probably smirking into his elbow. 

“Better check your phone,” he says.  He yelps when you slap his ass.  

“You’re lucky you tossed that belt away, smartass,” you say.   

That degree of playing is also not something you have ever done, though you’ve skirted the idea once or twice.  Your red handprint on his ass attests to it. 

“Promises, promises,” he mutters. 

You are tempted to give him another smack for good measure, but it will only work you up more.  Instead you muster the resolve to pull away.  His discarded sweatpants are the closest fabric so you wipe your hands on it.  It earns your own backside a smack as you crawl to his bedside table. 

“Hey,” you say, menacing but humorously so. 

He knows you have no intention of following through with any threats, so he clamps both hands on your ass and squeezes.  He cackles evilly before rolling out of arm’s reach.  

Shaking your head and smiling, you check your phone.  It is Jeongin.  You can’t help but facepalm when you read his message. 

Hi it’s Jeongin from family.  Your brother Jeongin.  Hello. We went to a Party far away and Uber dropped us off but now they don’t have anyone to pick us up!! :(  Please rescue us.  There are woods and trees and maybe bears.  and we are drunk.  Nothing Illegal

Ah, fuck.  Nothing says illegal substance like swearing the opposite unprompted.  You would know; before your parents died, you were indubitably on track to being the problem child.  Your first year of university was a mess you intended to straighten out later, but later never came.   Your parents died, Jeongin was still a minor, and you made a series of hard choices overnight.    

After all these years, you’re still not sure if your wayward experiences made you a better pseudo-parent or a worse one.  Maybe ignorance would have made you less panicky all the time.  Maybe it would have made you worse. 

Minho ducks into the bathroom while you text with Jeongin.  You are lacing up your boots when Minho returns with your toothbrush, one he keeps for your overnight visits.  Looking at his thighs in his boxers, the hickey poking out just under the hem, makes you wish tonight was one of those nights.  Tragically, the only one being deprived of an orgasm is you. 

You scrub the brush around your mouth, just enough, then swallow.  He leaves again, your eyes on every step of his retreat. 

“You’re staring again,” he says from the bathroom. 

“Duh,” you say.  You go back to tying your boots but your mind is elsewhere.   You are thinking about Jeongin and his friends, of course, but you are also thinking about Minho.  A lot about Minho.  Mostly about Minho.  Arousal is still coursing through your veins, never mind all the emotions you kept so carefully tucked away for so long. 

Suddenly, it’s all you can think about.  He’s all you can think about. 

Minho kneels behind you on the bed, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.  He kisses behind your ear, then your neck, your clothed shoulder.   Your fingers dance anxiously over your knees. 

“Don’t tempt me,” you say. 

It isn’t a joke but he laughs, mistaking it for one.  “Sure,” he says.  “You just can’t take your own teasing.” 

“Minho.”  

“Tyrant.”

You turn, grasping his chin so quickly he gasps.  You guide his face to yours and kiss him. 

This kiss is slower, bold and open-mouthed.  Hot.  His moan is a light sound at the back of his throat and it zaps through you like an electric bolt.  He drags his nails down the middle of your back, making every hair stand on end.  When the kiss eventually comes apart, he presses his forehead to yours. 

You are both breathing hard. 

“I’m not working tomorrow night,” you say, your voice a low rumble.  You swipe your thumb over his bottom lip.  “Can I come over?”

He nods.  Minho can be loud to say the least, but sometimes his voice gets so delicate that it turns your brain to mush.  He talks like that now, all soft and sweet, so close to your mouth.  “You promised to fuck me tonight,” he says. “I’ll be thinking about it all day now.”

“Me too,” you say.

“Mm.”  He flops over and rolls so his back is to you.  “That’s too bad for you.”  He accompanies this comment with a wiggle of his hips. 

You can’t help but smile at him. 

“See you then, brat,” you say. 

“You’ll see me in your dreams,” he says, accompanying it with a dramatic yawn.  “And when you masturbate tonight.  Good night!”      

[via-l0ve]

Hey-hey!! I'm so glad I came across your posts on SPN!!

Let's imagine that the reader has severe menstrual pain. I'd like to see the boys take care of her during "those days". If possible, add Gabriel, I love him soooo much.

Period Pains (SPN pref!)🩷

a/n: hi honey!!! i absolutely adore this request. from someone with terrible periods, im sending you hugs and kisses

warnings: periods/menstrual cycle, mention of pain, cramps and things like that!!

Dean:

dean is scared

idk at first he thought you were gonna die

he was so scared when you curled yourself up in a little ball

he learned to just go with whatever you wanted

cuddles? always. stay the fuck away from you? gladly

literally ask him for anything he will be out and grabbing it for you within two minutes.

he’s always stocked with products for you

he also always has heating pads and medicine for you. he’s so worried about your health

he wants to make sure you’re comfortable

he makes you stay in bed and no hunts until the bleeding stops

he gets you presents

—

Sam:

sam has a whole bag for you

emergency pads, tampons, extra underwear, medicine

he gets nervous

is ALWAYS right by your side

floods you with compliments and worries

“are you going to be okay?” “yes sam. just like every other month.”

“you’re so pretty, y/n.”

just. ugh. i love him

he will go out and buy you pads or tampons or cups or whatever the fuck you use with no shame

he tries to not make you mad or overwhelm you

he always takes off hunts to be with you

what a cute boy <3

he just wants the best for you

—

Castiel:

first of all, cas is horrified that you have to go through this

when you explain in detail why you get cramps, he swears he almost passes out

poor boy is so worried about his love

he tracks it on his phone

just so he can stock up on products for you

he writes you love letters and buys you candy

he also will watch all of your silly little movies with you

you don’t ever have to ask

—

Gabe:

Gabe is always tryna make you laugh

he’s very ill prepared and he dosent know what to do

he annoys you accidentally a lot and then gets scared when you yell/cry/other emotions

he buys you flowers for every day of your period

he also learned somewhere that orgasms help lessen the pain of period cramps so..

aaaaaanyways

he watches your movies with you and cooks food you for constantly

he cried with you at bambi

“the mom dies????”

“Y/N WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME WATCH THIS?”

[lady-lauren]

❥ ERWIN SMITH X FEM!READER

❥ WORD COUNT: 2k

❥ WARNINGS/TAGS: blood kink, bloody kissing, bloody fucking, period pussy eating, period sex, a very possessive but very sweet Erwin (also a little obsessed with you, maybe definitely to an unhealthy level), some rough fingering and rough sex, praise, use of “good girl”, creampie

→ Kinktober Masterlist ←

Erwin likes to believe he is fair and just, in his own sick, twisted sense of self. With every give, there is a take. In light, darkness. In blood, an oath. 

He’s tasted almost all you have to offer. But he wants more—more than cum, slick, tears, spit. He wants to drink what beats in your chest, forge a covenant with what makes you exist. 

It’s only fair. 

He’s given you everything. So he can take all he wants.

“You know I’m—” Erwin dips his tongue into your mouth before you can finish.

“Bleeding, I know.” 

It’s just hot breath smeared over messy kisses, needy, eager, pawing like you’re worried the other will disappear. It’s been only a week since he’s seen you, yet he’s convinced he’ll die if he doesn’t devour you now. 

You know better than to ask if he cares. If he did, he wouldn’t be trailing his nose down the valley of your breasts, spreading your thighs in big hands so he can see you in your most intimate state. 

Erwin is invading something so private and it makes him unbearably hard. You’re his. All of you, even the dark red blood that stains your cunt.

“I’m going to eat this messy cunt,” he whispers, settling fully between your legs. He rolls your hips back, spreading your outer folds with his thumbs. You react to every little touch, flinching and moaning, perfect little hole clenching and pouring with a pinking mixture of slick and blood. 

Those words to seem to set you alight, the promise of something darker making you bloom. Your back arches, pussy fluttering and nipples pebbling. You raise yourself onto your elbows, unashamed to keep your eyes on him, watching him as if you’re expecting him to fulfill a promise. 

Erwin keeps his gaze locked on yours as he flattens his tongue, running it along the length of your cunt. The sound you make is divine, full of breathy relief and desire. He repeats the action, letting your slick folds hem along his hot tongue as he tastes you. 

Coppery and sweet, blood dripping down the sides of his mouth. 

He intensifies, pressing hard against you, spreading you completely open with his strong fingers. You’re fully exposed, making it easy for him to swirl his tongue over your clit and elicit uninhibited pleasure.

“Oh god,” you say to him, at him, like you’re feeding his ego instead of calling out to some unknown force. 

Your wetness is pooling in his mouth and he drinks you down. He closes his lips over your folds, sucking gently while his fucks his tongue into you. You clench and buck, eager to ride against his face. 

Any shame you felt has dissipated, some primal hunger taking over as you see the red stains against his cheeks. 

He gives you several minutes of undivided attention, pride inflating as you coo and moan, your fingers winding into his undercut and tugging him as close as you can get. His keen ears pick up on every sound, repeating licks that make you whine and fucking his tongue into your hole when your pitch raises like you’ll cum from his focus on your clit. 

Everything is wet. His chin, his nose, his cheeks, all from your drooling pussy, sloppy and bloody just for him. 

He pulls back to breathe, skimming a curled knuckle between your folds just to watch you jump. Then he sinks his index finger into you, smirking as your mouth falls open as he prods into your tightness. 

“Am I the first to taste you like this?”

Your eyes are glossy as you look down at him, like you’re holding back tears. 

“Yes,” you shake your head. “Only you.”

“I’ve imagined this a lot, sweetheart.”

His finger curls just right inside of you, fingertip pressing into a spot that makes your lashes flutter. 

“Fuck, I can tell. That feels so fucking good, so, so good.” Your elbows finally slip out from under you, sending your head back against the pillows and your spine arching. 

Erwin adds a second finger, marveling at how your tight flesh parts for him. Your walls drag along his thick fingers, squeezing against his skin. 

Pushing into you has more blood seeping from your hole, dark and thick. The sight does things to him it shouldn’t, creates a carnal clawing in his stomach. 

He returns to your clit, giving you quick kitten licks to override your senses as he plunges his knuckles deep inside you. His long fingers take to exploring, spreading, prepping. When he finds the one spot that has you nearly careening off the bed, he strokes it over and over again until your thighs start to spasm against his ears. 

“Please,” you sound out of control, desperate, “please keep doing that. I’m so close.”

“Want you to cum in my mouth,” he mumbles against your pussy, pressing close so the vibrations of his voice sends pleasure dripping down your spine. “Come on, sweetheart. Look at me as you cum.”

His lips suck at your clit, tongue rolling against it before he nips at you with his teeth. It’s gentle, just a brush of a canine against sensitive flesh, and the shock makes your belly clench and your nails claw into his scalp. 

Blue eyes flash up your body, gaze traveling over your sublime breasts until he can find your eyes. You’re pleading to him, brows pinching together. But there’s still a determination in your look, as if you’re willing yourself to follow his commands and cum just for him. 

Erwin presses into you harder, using the strength in his fingers to pump deep into your cunt. If he’s not careful, he’ll hurt you, but you seem to love the trill of fear that spreads across your nerves as he becomes rough with you, blood splashing to his cheekbones.

Then he feels it, the tell-tell signs of orgasm—your lower belly finds a quick, cinching rhythm, inner walls of your cunt fluttering as your throat builds a scream. 

Selfishly, Erwin pulls his fingers from you the moment your orgasm crests, letting your cunt squeeze around nothing but air as you cum. He can hear the frustration in your moan as you climb the high, only for his tongue to cover your hole the moment you begin to crash, slick and sweet ichor coating the insides of his mouth. 

He savors the taste, something so foreign yet so familiar, viscous and tangy. The flavor of what pumps through your heart.

“Erwin, Erwin,” his name is heaven on your tongue. “Inside me. I need you inside me, please.”

“Soon,” he promises. 

He moves up your body, taking your breasts in both hands. Pinching your swollen nipples, he covers them with his hot, bloodied mouth. As he moves between your tits, he smears scarlet with his lips. Blood like ceremonial oil, bright red streaks across your chest, claiming you on an altar dedicated to him. 

“Wh…what does it taste like?” 

Oh how he loves his curious little cat. 

“Open your mouth.” 

Erwin doesn’t give you the chance to overthink. His fingers sink into your cheeks so he can forcefully pull you up for a kiss. He lets you taste yourself against his tongue. Salt and iron, blood and cream.

Your moan is delicious, need and satisfaction melting into one note.

Your fingers claw into the muscles of his back, once again tugging on him, begging him to be closer, to fill you in every way possible. Your thighs curl around his waist, bringing his throbbing cock against your cunt so you can shamelessly rub yourself against his length. 

He bullies his cockhead into your cunt, spearing you open and spreading you wide. Instantly your head falls back, all thoughts eradicated except for how fucking good he feels pushing inside you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” you hiss, moaning at his intrusion.

Shifting his weight back, Erwin sits on his knees and watches your cunt swallow him whole. Inch by inch your flesh parts for him, wet and glistening red. He keeps your thighs pinned back, knuckles going white against your skin. 

When he bottoms out, he finally closes his eyes and just feels the weight of your body around him. Your belly is already tight and clenching, a vice against his pulsing cock. 

He’ll spoil you, make it so no one can ever compete with him.

“Good girl,” he praises. Keeping his cock lodged in your depths, his hands skim along the curve of your sides, tracing around the fullness of your breasts. His thumb plays in the mess he made, swirling the crimson stickiness over your nipple.

“Move,” you demand of him. “Please, fuck me like you promised.”

Erwin grins, wolfish and starving. Your wish is his command.

Languidly, he slides his cock from inside you, listening to the slurp of your cunt as he draws back until only the head of him remains. Then he snaps his hips brutally, your whole body shaking as he buries himself to the hilt. A little scream erupts from your lips, and he forces you to make the sound over and over again.   

With your head thrown back against the pillows, the delicate column of your throat is on tempting display. Your blood is crawling up his taut stomach, splattered against his skin. He wipes his fingers through the wetness, then paints your own blood against your neck. 

Then he kisses you until he can’t breathe, until his cock aches and twitches, begging for release. Blood from your cunt paints your cheeks, a feral mess he’s made from his own fucked up desires.

His teeth and nails ache to tear into you, to rip you apart and put you back together again, with traces of him lining every crack. You’ll never be the same after him, he won’t allow it. He’ll never let you go. 

Erwin smears his thumb into the mess of your cunt, rubbing your swollen clit with precision. The motions are easy for him, memorized since the first time he took you.

“Cum for me, cum on my cock.” He moves his face to your shoulder, focusing on the way your gummy walls hug his cock. “Let me feel you. And I promise I’ll fill your cunt with my cum. Think you can do that, sweetheart?” 

You moan out affirmations, a string of yesyesyes as lose yourself against him, wrapping your arms around his neck and clinging for dear life. He’s being rough, he knows it, but your body loves it. Your nerve endings are singing, every part of you shaking as your cunt gushes around him, sanguine strings staining his sheets.

Watching you cum is one thing, feeling it is another. You cream on his cock so tightly that Erwin explodes, growling some ungodly sound as each ripple and tug of your orgasm milks the cum from his balls. 

He can’t remember the last time he came so hard. His chest aches, heart pounding as he gasps out your name in the last seconds of his release. But you’re not done, your nails are nearly drawing his own blood on his back as you keep your pussy sheathed over him, legs closing in around him as you cry out from the euphoria cracking over your senses.

When it feels like the orgasmic tide has left you both breathless on the shore, he raises his hand to cup your cheek, thumb brushing over your lips to wipe away the evidence of what he’s done.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, you? Didn’t put you into heart failure with this little fantasy, did I?”

He chuckles at your too-pleased smile, carefully laying back against the bed and pulling you with him. 

He’s been around this block with you enough times to know that your hormones are racing, that it’ll take far more time for you to escape the headspace of sex than him. He pets your hair as you catch your breath, body sliding to his side so you can wind yourself around him, tucking one of his thighs between your legs.

A thick mixture of cum and blood drools down his thigh, and he couldn’t be more self-satisfied. 

[eldritch-spouse]

https://www.tumblr.com/eldritch-spouse/741884957599973376/httpswwwtumblrcomeldritch-spouse741700018004?source=share

I need to know in explicit detail the first time breg allowed this human to collect samples. Also need to know the embarrassing situations they are put in that their coworkers judge them

I honestly love this so much I'm kicking my feet and giggling ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Fem reader. I kind of rushed this. Doodle at the end.]

TW: Heavy themes of abuse (including mentions of noncon, death and captivity); Dubious consent moments.

" Listen, we just need you to get in there. "

You blink. " ... This can't be serious. Is this a joke? "

The half-fiend woman, superior to you in professional rank, drags a hand across her blonde locks and grimaces. " Look, I know it sounds bad- "

" Of course it does! This was nowhere in the job description- "

Not that the job description was very uh, descriptive, anyway. But any straw will do, anything to cling to a modicum of your dignity as you get told what your next task will be.

She seems to switch through a few different corporate tactics to ease the blow. " Listen, please. We are short-staffed at the moment, and this has been affecting production a lot more than you can imagine. Specimen 197 is a big bread-winner here and we all know he's uncooperative with machinery, going as far as to ruin it constantly, which leads to more expenses- "

She's explaining this to you like you're a particularly slow toddler and you're not amused.

" We have also noted that M197 is clearly attached to you and a bond has been formed, which is why your presence is requested in certain situations, to reduce his stress levels during tasks. This... Is another one of those tasks. We just need you to get a few samples- " She points at the two canisters next to her. " And you can think of it as a way to improve your bond with the specimen even. "

" Ma'am, he's entering a rut. " You pause. " You want me to walk into a male breeder's cell while he's rutting and engage sexually with him? "

She gulps. " For- For strictly professional purposes- "

" I'm not doing this. "

...

" There's a significant monetary bonus if you manage to do it. "

A long, shameful, disgustingly filthy moment of silence unfolds where you internally debate how far you're willing to go for some much needed money.

Too far, apparently.

" ... I'll do it. "

" Great, that's wonderful, we- "

" No cameras in the room. "

She flinches. " But then how are we supposed to know if you're in danger? "

" No cameras, please. "

If you die you die. You don't want footage of you being possibly mauled by a breeder out there...

A begrudging glance is cast towards the canisters sitting innocently on the table.

Grabbing them, you prepare for the shitshow you signed yourself into.

We have him tied up, the techs had informed you, it'll make things easier.

Just hearing them gives you headaches.

Yes, of course, because forcibly restraining the already volatile lifeform will make it cease being hostile. Logical.

A long-suffering sigh exits your lips when you input the code to open 197's cell. It's a code you know by heart now. If not from the regular standard visits, then from the hurried string of numbers your coworkers would scream at you over the radio before getting launched around by a monster several times their size and weight.

It's hard to forget something like that. There are just some faces you never see again.

As soon as the heavily reinforced door hisses open, you're greeted by an immediate build-up of a snarl. As scary as the sound was when you first heart it, and continues to be on an instinctual level, you understand now that it's mostly born out of fear.

Nothing good ever happens when 197 is cuffed and he's right to be frightened.

The moment you step into view and the door slams shut behind you however, he visibly seems to shift gear instantly.

Sitting on the rather uncomfortable tiled ground, specimen 197 has his ankles spread and cuffed to the ground, his wrists joined behind him and his neck nearly choked to the wall. A muzzle prevents the breeder's jaw from elongating as it tends to do when he's threatened. His tail is likewise restrained in two areas. Those cuffs are the best things modern technology can offer, you haven't heard of a single solid monster type that can shatter them. They're likely also tampered with by some more magically-inclined individuals, but you've never been one to dabble in that.

He exhibits the signs you'd expect from any male entering a rut. Excessive sweating, goosebumps, a faster breathing rate, tension, restlessness and a dilated, humid slit. His skin flickers from time to time, signals somewhere between aggression and courtship displays. You would never have associated heat cycles with torture before starting your work here, but seeing the way these monsters are chemically forced into hypersexual, unhealthily exacerbated heats has shown you just how cruelly this biological process can be exploited.

Sometimes they die. A hormonal, frenzied, artificially accelerated metabolism like this is powerful, but it's also very fragile, in a way. Either they're able to maintain their required ridiculous nutrient intake, find a way to preserve as much energy as possible, or simply panic and end up dying from a mixture of stress and lack of sustenance.

Another sigh escapes your lips, you try to clear your head by placing the canisters on the ground.

The breeder in question, who was once nearly pitch black in his effort to intimidate the perceived threat, is now snow white, having registered you as his favorite, the "nice one". 197 shrinks in himself, then begins a litany of keening whines interspersed with specific chirps.

It might be a plea for attention from an already hormone-fried brain, it might also just be a desperate request to be released from his binds.

You're no paragon of morality, but unlike your coworkers, you understand that building a bond with anyone requires depositing some trust in them. And, even if 197 is rutting, you can only continue to build a connection with him if he has a modicum of comfort in this situation. Which is why you steel yourself before moving closer to the specimen in question and inputting the specific combination to unlock all of his cuffs.

The process is timed, giving workers about five or so minutes to leave the cell before the cuffs drop and the monster is freed. It prevents casualties, naturally.

197 tries to thump his tail in appreciation when he realizes what you're doing, quietly rumbling and trying to lean into the small brushes of your fingers as you work.

" There big guy, just give it a second... " You take a few steps back while you wait.

It feels like a small eternity before the restraints begin falling off one by one. First the tail ones, then the muzzle, the neck, the wrists... And the ankles. On that last click, the breeder shrugs everything away and stretches as he stands.

You've studied these monsters and their mannerisms, he's not stretching just to soothe his joints, he's displaying. The exaggerated curve of that spine says it all, you know exactly what reaction he's after. Though, already riled up as he is, you don't think it's a good idea to respond.

In a second, he's closed the distance between the two of you, this near suffocating hovering over your front, hands and arms twitching with the urge to touch you. 197 is not good with boundaries, which was very surprising to you, considering he absolutely detests it when 99% of people touch him.

The 1% being you.

He waits, visibly pained, for the signal.

" You can touch me now. "

And like a sudden wave, 197 nearly crashes onto you, his comparatively massive pale body blanketing over yours as his arms cage your upper body, lifting it along with him. You squealed the first few times, now you know to stay mostly still and lean to the right so he can shove his face in the crook of your neck without bonking his head against yours. Painful.

He takes a couple deep, shameless inhales of your scent. And, if you had to guess, you're probably a bit sweaty from anxiety. Not that he seems to care, 197 actually appears to slow down a little, enjoying the closeness and now familiar odor you possess. His tail coils around your legs and you pat his back when the telltale chirps and trills of elation make it past his throat.

" Yeah, I missed you too buddy. Take a breather. "

This close to the male, you have absolutely no choice but to drown in his musk. 197 can't help it, he's ruttting after all, those pheromones have to come out. Fortunately, as a human, you're not affected by them, though some of your monster coworkers have to wear specific masks when they enter rutting breeder cells. To you, it's just vaguely unpleasant and heavy.

197 would usually give you a bit of room by now, but he doesn't seem interested in that, instead shifting you around so he can smell other parts of your figure, particularly your hair. Your face warms from his excessive body heat and the sensation of being corralled, your protests silenced when a long blue muscle dips to trail from the base of your neck to your jaw and up the side of your face. The movement is quick, and your attempt to reflexively lean away is met with a tighter grasp as he repeats it.

197 has a habit of dulling his teeth to look more humanoid for your comfort, but not today, in the state he is, he likely forgot that detail altogether. This unfortunately means that you feel the scrape of those pointed daggers every time he amorously samples your skin.

" Alright okay, that's enough- "

You butt in when it feels like he's getting a bit too riled up too fast. It's not exactly counter-productive to your task, but letting him get more and more control over the situation will make it difficult to get the samples later. You can't wrangle a breeder in the throes of their rut, you have to do things before that critical stage.

However, the specimen isn't interested in listening to anything you have to say, responding instead to your tone with his own whine and starting to tug at your uniform. That does it. Thoroughly soaked in his drool, you grab onto the breeder's forearms hard.

" 197! " It's not a tone you like to use with any of the breeders here.

He eventually snaps out of his little trance, gulping, steadying himself before frowning and giving you the space you want.

In this barely minute-long episode, 197 has already kicked into high-gear. Breathing accelerated again, open-mouth panting, excessive drool production, somewhat puffed figure and the tips of his twin cocks already poking out of a pelvic pouch that can barely hold them back. He seems to shiver in his own overwhelming arousal, and though this species is known for having its eyes shielded behind a layer of skin on the face, you know he's fixed on you like a famished animal.

Although your cheeks are moments from setting aflame, this isn't exactly a new sight for you. 197 has gotten aroused in your vicinity several times, you've actually lost count. It'd be nonsensical of you to get irritated over such, given that these males are forced into hypersexuality by the concoctions introduced in their organisms. That paired with his fondness for you probably makes it hard for 197 to not get erections constantly. A hug can set him off, even simple closure paired with your scent is enough to do it.

Well. No time to waste.

While he's mildly disoriented, you grab one of the canisters and move towards a corner of the room with a seemingly randomly arranged pile of fabrics. This, as confusing as it may be to some, is a breeder's nest. And in this species of monsters, the males tend to be the ones who arrange spaces for coupling. 197 has expressed clear discontentment with the fabrics given to him during times of rut to fulfill his instinctual needs, but no one here is ever acting with the specimen's best interests in mind. Besides, he piped down when one of the techs had the bright idea of giving him a jacket you forgot in the workplace. It's right there in fact, the gray hue contrating with a mostly white and pale color scheme.

The nest itself is big, if it fits 197 then it definitely fits you too. And, knowing exactly what you're doing, you let him observe you take a step into it and sit down on the middle, empty canister beside you.

Oh boy.

You can practically hear the popcorn crackles in his brain.

The monster trills loudly, proudly, your supposed acceptance of what have amounted to months of unsubtle courtship from his part being finally rewarded. It's a dangerous moment, you're perfectly aware of such, but it's also necessary to get this over with.

197 drops to a creepily nimble crawl across the floor, rapidly posing over your seated form with blue-tinted cheeks and rabid need. Before you can get so much as a word in, he's dropping some of his weight on you, showering you in hasty licks and clumsy kisses again, this time unable to help himself from nipping at your clothes. The coverings visibly bother him, and the male growls quietly before his instincts tug at him again and he's trying to slot himself between your clothed legs. It takes some yelping, and fussy movement from his part, but you eventually rationalize that stressing him out can lead to a violent response right now.

Might as well let him get away with some embarrassing acts.

Hormone-muddled as he is, 197 has only enough of a mind to hold onto you and press two hot lengths against the front of your body. He's already full-mast, the heat and weight of those things dragging across you when he automatically moves his hips is utterly filthy. He groans, probably the first kind of decent friction he's been getting since he entered this phase of his cycle, the softness and smell of his favorite human getting the monster to leak already, lost in his desperate search for a modicum of relief. As gross and ridiculous as it is, at least he's not tugging at your clothes yet.

You can sense his frustration, the frantic way 197 mechanically bucks against you, the pressure he puts in every thrust, the way his claws puncture into your lab coat and he whines low, this noise that turns into a pleased sort of snarl. Overwhelmed, you shiver beneath his figure, glad there are no cameras to see you fluster and shamefully let a rutting monster grind at you.

You dare say you can get into this.

There's something so appealing about having a monster yearn for you so madly that he's driven to this senseless and primitive display, that even so much as humping you could have them blissed out. Your legs quake around his and you feel your pussy throb in response to the muted friction from his lightly barbed cocks. It's not the first time you've wondered about how it would feel... You've always been a monsterfucker at heart, and 197 is a brutally gorgeous specimen. He's always imploring for even a single touch from you, if you spread yourself out you have absolutely no doubt he would ram those alarming inches into you like a wild beast.

Yeah, maybe your coworkers would call you a sickfuck, but it's not like anyone who works here is moderately normal...

It's a secret. One that you're vaguely paranoid might not be so secret anymore, now that you've been entrusted with this.

In your horny little stupor, you make the critical mistake of forgetting that breeders quickly detect arousal in others. And you are probably making a wet spot in your pants as of now.

With a sudden snort of an inhale, he rises like a man possessed to start ripping at the sides of your lab coat, forcefully trying to rip it off even as he's unable to stop rocking his hips. He knows how to unbutton things just fine, but you bet he can't be fucked to think much in this state.

" Hey- Hey, easy, slow down. " You grab onto his wrists, being ignored.

Okay. Time to think this out while you still can. He's going to rip through your clothes if you let him, and that's not just needless damage, it'll put him in control. But being aggressive about getting him to stop isn't ideal with this type of monster, you need something that distracts him too much to realize he's not exactly holding the leash here. Eventually, an idea graces your mind, though it makes you grimace a little.

Already blazing with shame, you carefully edge a hand between you and, with some hesitation, grab one of the twin members pushed against you.

Instant reaction.

The monster halts, as desired, and looks at you almost oddly, but hopefully. The trick is not giving him enough time to think, so you quickly get a feel for what you're working with, and start stroking him generously.

It's not the frenzied, rushed jerking he inflicts on himself when his own libido becomes bothersome, the fisting of a large hand with little focus and care. You handle him as pleasurably as you can manage, using both hands on him and attentively reading his face. 197 pants openly again, glancing vapidly at your small hands while they work him and he fucks into the motions, strings of thick drool falling from his teeth.

" Good...? Yeah? " You ask, gulping.

He falters and gasps, trying to articulate something. " Please. " Gets dragged out, his dick pulsing in your grasp.

You don't quite know what he's begging for, but you assume he's enjoying himself. Watching the neglected length bob uselessly, you take the opportunity to remove your own lab coat, switching hands quickly when necessary. The shirt comes off too, leaving you in your bra and pants.

By the time you glance back at him, the breeder's skin has shifted entirely to black, and he's hypnotized by the new parts of your body revealed to him, the mounds on your chest breeder females don't have but that he somehow finds pleasing to the eye regardless.

You make a lifting motion, trying to get his attention. " Knees. Come on, knees. Let me show you something. "

It takes a hot second, but he computes the request and does as told out of genuine curiosity. You're about to show an already decidedly horny monster the wonders of oral sex, which is likely not the brightest of ideas, but no one's here to judge your poor decisions.

197's girths hover far too close to your face while he waits a tad impatiently. Studying the things you'll be pleasing soon, you nearly pale a couple shades, knowing it'll take some prayer not to end up hurting your jaw. The male has lived in captivity since the day he hatched, you've enjoyed showing him some of the nicer things in life from time to time, this is just another one of them.

Carefully grabbing onto the left one, you glance at 197 as you deliberately slip your tongue out, so he doesn't just assume you're going to try biting his genitals. He tenses, because of course he would, but you take your time, stopping the moment only his tip is inside your mouth. The breeder is a tad confused and quaking slightly with ambiguous anticipation.

Then you suck.

And it clicks instantly.

God, just this little of his length is already forcing you to open wider than you've ever had to with previous partners, still, you strain to take a few more inches down and focus on that part.

The male exhales tremulously, experiencing the feeling for the first time ever, you're certain. 197 has to straighten slightly as the first intense waves of pleasure course through him, and bless the big dorky monster, he has no idea what to do with himself or his arms. As your jaw adjusts, a tad uncomfortably, you start truly gouging how much of him you can handle. Not that much honestly, but it's to be expected. It's already more than enough to please him, if the increasingly louder growled trills are any indication.

Oh, you bet this is the closest thing to heaven for him. His favorite human, with a mouth warmer than he could have ever expected, lips much softer than any of his species', no apex predator teeth to get in the way, and a tongue that although flat and short, can still chase after those wonderfully sensitive spots.

He has exactly zero idea how to react beyond making bestial noises and drooling on his own chest like a vapid animal. The way his cock pulses in your mouth is a tad bothersome to the rhythm you're trying to keep, but you figure you don't have to show-off to someone who's never had oral before, he's already blown away.

Humorously, 197's hands land on your shoulders, and that's the only way he can apparently steady himself while he's sucked off. His spare cock oozes precum that smears onto your bare chest and you half-heartedly pump it when you pop off his other dick.

" Is this okay, hm? " Needless question, really.

The breeder doesn't even make an effort to reply, whining at the loss of friction and edging forward until both his members nudge against your cheek and lips, begging without words to have that bliss again.

Feeling vaguely in control, enough to be playful, you lean away from the one closest to you and take the right one into your mouth, sucking it as far in as you physically can before switching to the other one, all just so you can hear 197 gasp and grunt out moans. His desperation causes him to buck, and as you gag, a little lightbulb fizzles above his head.

Oh.

Oh no.

The next time you try to pull away, his hands rise from your shoulders to the sides of your head. Each dark finger nearly curves over the perimeter of your skull, and you freeze instantly, not wanting him to tighten his grasp by any means. Everything is fine so long as he only holds onto your head this way, gently.

He's the one moving this time, apparently marveling at the sight of his length disappearing past your somewhat swollen, drooled lips. Except, as expected, he's going faster and deeper than you'd like, getting into it enough to trigger harsh flutters in the back of your throat. Your gagging and subsequent reflexive jerks are met with warning rumbles and one of his hands caging you in place by the back of head.

He learns fast, needless to say.

The more he drives into you, the less you can control your saliva, creating gross pops and slurps as you have little choice but to huff through your nose. Merciless, not even the odd cough around his dick will stop him now that he's nearing orgasm, or so you're willing to guess by his franticness.

Eventually, he makes the mistake of shoving his cock far enough that your jaw strains and your stomach flips, a grossly loud hurl being his response. The horrid noise finally jolts him to a still, giving you enough space to pull away and catch some much needed breath, controlling your belly before anything unfortunate happens.

" Fucking Hell! " You groan hoarsely, irritated. " You're hung like a horse, be careful... "

The rutting male's fried brain only understands that you sound wounded, a concerned chirp followed by soothing sloppy laps to your jaw being his response.

Not an ideal development at all, and yet, progress.

197 is usually very violent with the breeders they tired to pair him for mating. Which is to be expected, being the golden goose of the facility comes at a cost- The rush of hormones in his machine of a metabolism doesn't just contribute to more virility than his male peers, it also causes bursts of hyper aggression not easily controlled. And the only socialization this one usually gets is fights with other males who feel threatened by his presence, understand that they are being hurt by techs because they fail to live up to the standard 197 created, that they might be killed for such.

The females, likewise, fear him.

197 is bigger, louder, scarier. He has a reputation amongst the other breeders, and some of them were more likely to try fighting him off during their heats than accept getting sexual with him. This has led to 197 rejecting all breeders regardless of the context, which resulted in many of the paired females being immediately fatally attacked whenever a scheduled session was arranged. Sometimes he would simply slaughter them, other times he would actually instinctually attempt to mate, and end up ignoring cries of distress, nothing but rage and hormones in that brain causing him to end up killing them mid-coitus.

Shitshows, complete shitshows you've had the displeasure of partially witnessing in the past.

Which is why you're so incredibly shocked he stopped when he heard you nearly throw up. Then again, you're no breeder, and you like to think you've created as decent a connection with him as possible. It could be that.

When the monster thinks you've recovered enough, he attempts to get you to sit in the same position from before so things can resume, and if the way he's insistent on keeping a hold of your head is any indication, then he's learned he prefers to take control of this. And you won't be the fool that argues with him in this state.

After licking your lips a few times, hearing his impatient little huffs, you take one of those slicked cocks into your mouth again, letting him build the pace back up. On the one hand, you're glad you don't have to pretend to keep any composure, letting yourself drool as much as possible for the sake of making the process easier, and uncaring of the filthy noises that only seem to make his thighs quake. On the other, you need a solution so he doesn't just peirce past the back of your throat.

So, experimentally, the next time 197 pushes far enough to have your eyes rolling, you get a firm grasp of the base of his tail and tug.

The appendage lifts and his spine curves back in sudden shock. You doubt it's pain that has him straightening like a plank, after all, you know these beings can oftentimes carry their young by the tail, so if it can handle their body weight, then it can handle a yank from a human's hand. It's more so a sort of "freeze reaction", effective in getting the male to pull back even if he grunts in mild agitation.

It's only fair, in your eyes.

The moment you let go, 197 continues to fuck your face as he pleases, moaning and curving over you once more to find his own pleasure, until he drives in too much again and you repeat the gesture. Over and over, so he understands there are limits.

It seems to succeed in getting the message across. If he wants to keep getting sucked off by your hot little mouth, then he needs to be minimally considerate.

This goes on for a while, you're almost proud to feel him eventually actively hold back from going too far. Because that would halt the friction, and judging by the way his tongue lolls out in pleasure, 197 wants to come really bad.

He seems to have enjoyed your antics from before, because the male actively pulls out of your mouth with another lurid pop and positions his spare length against your lips, fucking into you a couple times before switching to the other one, doing this enough times that you honestly struggle to contain some laughter.

His throbbing increases and you know his peak approaches, quickly reaching beside you for the container as fingers race to open it. Your spare hand makes an extra effort to stroke the length 197 can't fit inside you and with as much vigor as possible, you complement his every motion.

The second you back away to breathe, strings of saliva still clinging from your lips to his dicks, offers the monster enough of a nasty view to trigger exactly what you need. 197 snarls at the top of his lungs, rapidly fisting both cocks before you. It's a decidedly disgustingly arousing display that has you staring heatedly, until the first rope of thick pearly cum lands on your cheek.

It jolts you into flustered movement, holding the canister up to the closest of his girths, you try to get as much as possible inside, unable to shield yourself from the rest of his load as it lands on your neck and tits, warm globs marking you in the throes of the specimen's ecstasy.

It's immensely relieving for him, the sighed, low and needy moans that rip out his throat evidence enough that 197 had been pent up for more than a while. And you... You're soaked in warm seed, observing his maddened jerking slow down.

This is your job now.

Personally collecting from the golden goose of the facility. All for a bonus.

Whatever, just don't think about it too much.

Giving into the guilty sense of pride you feel over making 197 stare at the ceiling in total bliss, you lean down to catch the trails dripping down those teal blue lengths, cleaning him. You don't have to, by any means, but you've already sunk so low today, what difference does it make if you let yourself go a little?

The specimen's legs tremble and he glances down at you with this utterly cum-drunk, infatuated smile. Dark, stained digits rise to comb through your hair in some kind of comforting gesture until you eventually pull away and allow the male to recover.

Now, two things.

You need to clean up somehow, you don't want his cum to dry on your skin.

There's also the matter of the second canister, you think while you grab one of the cloths in the breeder's nest to wipe your face and chest on. You probably won't be allowed to leave his cell until they're both full.

Reaching for the one already warm with 197's sample, you seal it tight, the small device in it emitting a faint green light and beeping quietly. The signal that one container has been filled is then sent to whichever tech is keeping track of this particularly... Unique task.

A pang of shame courses through you at the thought of one of your coworkers now knowing that you've made 197 orgasm.

Time to get the other one and hurry this up.

Unfortunately, as soon as you're about to set a foot outside of the nest, a huge black hand captures your leg, and you're possessively tugged back by a disgruntled breeder who barely gives you enough time to scream before he starts shredding the rest of your clothes...

Hours have passed. You're sure of it.

As far as anyone's concerned, your work has been accomplished. Both canisters are practically overflowing with untainted samples, sitting in the corner of the room so that nothing happens to them.

You're naked, sticky and likely to bruise in some areas from 197's lack of strength mediation, but you did it.

At any moment now, coworkers of yours will enter 197's cell, and you know it's going to be a total wreck. Between his likely immediate aggression, the damage they'll cause him and your less than sightly state, it'll be unpleasant.

But you can't bring yourself to care.

Not when a tireless tongue continues to groom your already exhausted form and 197's meaty cock lazily fucks globs of his hot cum back into your puffed pussy while he trills soothingly. His breathing has steadied and his heartbeat slows.

Any moment now, he might fall asleep inside you, enjoying a sweet moment of bliss before you're taken away again.

It's almost cruel.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

This makes me incredibly angry.

[ID: Screenshots of a Facebook post from user Advocatus Peregrini, which reads:

I was conversing with a fully-grown adult a few days ago, born and educated in the USA, who let this little gem drop:

"Well, it's like Shakespeare said, "Love conquers all!""

I pointed out that Shakespeare never said that, Virgil did, (Eclogues X) and Chaucer after him (Canterbury Tales.)

She said, "Oh I'm sure Shakespeare said that. In Romeo and Juliet!"

I sighed. I've been in that play several times, in different roles, and even directed it. That text does not occur in it.

But the real grind-my-teeth moment here was that if Romeo and Juliet can be said to have a message, it is most certainly not "Love conquers all," seeing as the lovers die by their own hands with a trail of their friends and relations' corpses in their wake.

Neither this fact, nor the fact that I knew the play, nor my explanation that Virgil and Chaucer used the phrase long before Shakespeare's birth dented her determination that "Love conquers all" came from Shakespeare.

"You don't know ALL the versions!" she protested.

All the versions?

Alternative Bard?

With every instinct screaming at me to let the matter drop, warning me that some horror that will not soon be absent from my nightmares waited around the next corner of this conversation. I pressed on.

It was a decision I was soon to regret.

I asked when she had first read "Romeo and Juliet." She said she had only read it once, when she was in Junior High. In the version she was taught, Romeo and Juliet survive, are reconciled with their parents, and are married in the church with their friends Mercutio and Tybalt arm in arm in the wedding party.

"Help me into some house, Benvolio, or I shall faint."

It turned out that her school had their own "version" of Romeo and Juliet, with an "uplifting" ending. This was printed and distributed by a religious education publisher. And it was the only version of the story that she had ever read. Of course she had HEARD other people say that the story was a tragedy, but she just assumed they were wrong.

And she did not see why MY version of Shakespeare should be considered better than HER Shakespeare, which, after all, had a much more wholesome ending.

I explained, in vain, that "my" version is definitive because Shakespeare actually wrote it (quiet, you Oxfordians. Don't make me stop this car) and the message of the play - that when adult stubbornness meets youthful impulsiveness tragedy ensues - is lost in the ersatz, happy-clappy ending.

She said the ending that had been Frankensteined onto Shakespeare's play by the "Christian Education" publisher was better than the original ending, "if the ending is as sad as you say it is."

At this point, I concluded that this was a person who deserved to go through the rest of her life "...safest in shame! being fool'd, by foolery thrive!" I bid her adieu.

After the conversation, I wondered, darkly, if that was to be the fate of Shakespeare, and all other literature if the happy-clappy people get their way - as harmless and "uplifiting" as a cheerleader's chant.

I wondered what these bowdlerizers would do with "Hamlet?" or worse, "Titus Andronicus" or "MacB-" Nothing wholesome, I'm sure. Oh, that's right, what they can't appropriate, they ban. Or burn.

In trying to protect children, we leave them undefended from "...the slings and arrows" that life will no doubt throw their way. Shakespeare raises the issues of tragedy - the fatal flaw, the last turning, the role of fate, as well or better than any author before or since. He is a gentle tutor, much to be preferred over that stern and dangerous teacher, Experientia Inopinatum.

But, as ever, it really isn't about the children. It's about the adults, and their desire to avoid answering difficult questions from agile young minds, who know no fear and swarm like eager flies around questions that have been boggling our best minds for millenia. To answer the questions that literature raises, you have to have thought deeply about them yourself. And that is something that few dare to do.]  end id