#what a nightmare sleep schedule
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I imagine that at some point after he gets home Odysseus and Penelope talk about the kingdom and how she has been running it (with Telemachusā help in recent years) but still mostly on her own and he immediately wants to lift that burden of hers and so he tries to immediately get back into politics but he is so hopelessly out of the loop that Penelope and Telemachus have to help ease him back into it anyway
#The constant trauma of literally everything doesnāt help#Odysseus tries to rush everything#and promptly experiences the fastest case of burnout ever seen in Ancient Greece#my brother in Christ you canāt look at a sheep or a cow without crying MAYBE DONāT go talk to the livestock farmers about supply and demand#He just constantly falls asleep in court#and they let him do that until he and Penelope go back to a regular sleep schedule#because their sleep schedules are fucked up for SO MANY REASONS#the fucking. The trauma and nightmares. Getting used to sharing a bed again. Idk maybe they get used to that right away again. THE FUCKING#TFW you dump so much shiny shit in the tags you forget what the post was about#comment š¦ if you got this far#š¦#Yeah#right what was I talking about#oh yeah real tags now#post ithaca saga#epic the musical#epic#epic fandom#epic musical#epicthemusical#odysseus#epic odysseus#epic the ithaca saga#penelope#odysseus of ithaca#penelope of ithaca#penelope x odysseus#odysseus and penelope#penelope and odysseus#telemachus of ithaca
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So much of anxiety is living in both the past and future and not being present so, Iām trying to make a conscious effort to stay in the present from now on because I literally donāt actually exist anywhere else. so whats that matter - we just have right now. Constant worrying doesnāt actually alter anything. If bad, shitty stressful things are going to happen they will, thereās no control in that. Just have to live. Just have to continue, adapt and do the best you can in the moment youāre actually fucking in and keep going. Gotta go through bad stuff to get to the cool shit. Thereās always good stuff coming. Either way you gotta just keep going.
so presently Iām standing in my kitchen and itās crazy foggy outside. I have the worlds most precious cat at my feet and iām eating warmed homemade coffee cake.
#I also popped a b12 so that helps everything#my sleep schedules been really good lately too#I get up early and I'm busy until late so trying to slow my thoughts down to what's going on right in front of me#l tell everyone else to do that but don't always follow it myself because u know#the Disorders#haven't rly had my late night decompression I love but that's ok#I have that now in the morning for the moment#when I woke up my bedroom window was wide open and it felt and smelled like fall#felt cleansed and when I saw the fog immediately wanted to go to this little town near the beach that looks incredible foggy#but didnāt#went and made breakfast and lunches stupid early and been having a slow day since#I'm always fast and 5 steps ahead and I'm gonna ya know try not to do that anymore#I recognize thatās a survival instinct to be hypervigilant all the time Iāve been that way since childhood#and pair that with the last couple years health weirdness it's been a lot mentally#l've actually been thinking about checking out therapy especially for my ocd#I've gotten a handle on certain things but that's one thing that I still struggle with#especially because it latches onto real stressors and it can be a personal nightmare honestly#but with the right tools and time can get there#a therapist overall is probably a good idea too everyone needs one honestly lol#not me usually because I'm my own best therapist but maybe that's my problem#either way I'm a strong bitch it'll be fine#whatāll be will be#gonna drop the need for control on things I can't control and yeah! that's it#gonna look out the window about it#and take things as they come#and do scary and new shit#and push myself but also remember to be gentle with myself#and I'm gonna try not to be mean to anyone at work today but I can't make any promises#this coffee cake is the best thing in the world i'm sry you don't have it in your mouth too#wrote this hours ago but sentiment still stands and I havenāt been mean yet but thereās still time
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5am and I just made mac and cheese
#sleep schedule? whatās that#I bet the second I lay down to sleep my cat will start screaming at the door for no reason lmao#heās currently staring at his food bowl like I didnāt give him his midnight snack already#breakfast isnāt till 9#had to change his feeding schedule after his brother died#Geralt was smaller than him but somehow ate more lol#rip to my nightmare child š«¶š½#anyways#shut up rian
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making art save me. save me making art. making art.
#dealing with a life transition#that's putting me in a weird spot mentally more than anything#feeling at odds with myself - my desires up against my lack of drive#wanting to do a lot#knowing that doing things i enjoy would make me feel better#help with things to come#and yet i can't get myself to what feels like the first step#the lack of sleep doesn't help#thank u taps i love having a nightmare sleep schedule thank u#my therapist will hear about this
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Jester passive Nightmare ā·
#this isn't an au#but i might delve into that idea since i spent a lot of time on his design#i am not sure what the symbolism here is#but i drew it for like#13 hours straight#there wasn't a break until the 10 hour mark#but that's only because i realized i needed to fix my sleep schedule since school is starting next week#but first thing i did after waking up was complete the drawing#it's not healthy#but eh#pknk art#my art#undertale au#undertale#fanart#undertale au art#undertale art#nightmare sans#passive nightmare sans#dreamtale
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so... this is what i sacrificed my night's sleep for? i hate it here
#arcane#i'm talking about like all sleep#not just some staing awake a bit late late#it's almost 7am and it's my last day off before work and i fucked my sleep schedule so bad#what a nightmare#the act is good tho#but fuck all this
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i think the circadian rhythm disorder has ruined my life more than the pain disorder tbh
#i think the pain would be more manageable if i was getting good regular sleep#the pain is at its worst when i wake up esp if i had trouble falling asleep#but not having a consistent sleep schedule is a living nightmare#if it was delayed sleep phase disorder it would be perfect bc it would be *a schedule*#but not knowing what my sleep schedule will be a month from now is such bullshit#it's exhausting and isolating and not covered by health insurance :))#and societally people just think you're fucking lazy and irresponsible#and if you would just do xyz you would be cured#this has been my entire life. farther back than i can remember even.#i was sleep deprived and jetlagged for most of my childhood#which makes you neurotic as hell#but yes if i just follow ur little ~sleep hygiene~ tips i'm sure i'll stop being a lazy pos and join productive society
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things have been rough lately⦠tale as old as time
#fay talks#my puppy had a medical emergency which cost hundreds⦠i just quit my job and am now frantically job searching⦠got sick AGAIN#my psychiatrist quit so now i have to find a new one#i hated my new therapist so now i have to find a new one too#iāve been having a string of nightmares that have fucked my sleep schedule#i had some difficult medical tests done and it turns out they got contaminated/were not correctly done so now i have to go through it again#i just donāt know what else could possibly go wrong at this point#so⦠yeah. might be MIA for a while again#(thank you to everyone who has been leaving kind comments on AO3/in tags/in reblogs/in asks. kindness is invaluable to me recently š)
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Starting pride month with the pharmacy denying me my testosterone prescription until mid-June and my doctor saying she can't do anything about it because it's a controlled substance šāļø
#i should also add that it's been a week of trying to get her respond to the messages#'hey i don't want to be off my t for a month'#[full day of silence]#'sorry i donāt know why you can't get your refill but i can't do anything about it'#i am going to lose my mcfucking mind#that's not to mention a long argument where my now former friend#because they're one of those 'trump and biden are both equally bad' people who's planning on just letting trump take power again#because they seem to think that you can boycott a high-level politician in a critical election like it's a fucking soda company#for someone who used being communist as a justification for it#they sure have a very capitalist perspective on politics#i also couldn't fall asleep until literal dawn this morning because i forgot my sleep aids#and then when i did fall asleep i had a solid hour of nightmares#and tw for neurodivergence-based disordered eating for this next one#but my brain hasn't let me eat much of anything all day because it's not 'the right food'#it also will not tell me what 'the right food' is#anyways pride month is off to a pretty shitty start#OH and work changed my schedule from working mids to working primarily night shifts without telling me#and my ortho's advice for my wrist fucked it up a lot more and she hasn't responded to my email from a week ago#i'm fucking miserable#if you need me i'll be playing stardew and listening to sad gay music#personal#vent#rant
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okay Iām going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now
#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy#SO. Iām gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal#I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things#tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time#and tomorrow Iām setting my alarm for 7:30#Iām going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now#will also mean hopefully Iām less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare#this week. and itās only Tuesday what the fuck#also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February#and Iām setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once Iām ther#and that worked for exams AND thereās just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine#just have to actually do it#like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon#otherwise there wonāt be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline#so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time#I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work Iāll have enough time#Iām okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together#now pls. get your shit together <3#luke.txt
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My last bout of sleep paralysis (which was when I was recently hospitalized for nine days and getting no sleep because literally almost every half hour someone was waking me up for vitals or a blood drawl or to give me medicine or to prod my stomach or the attending bringing in the interns because I'm a great case study or because my infusion pump wanted to make obnoxious noises for no reason) was so horrific that when I told my therapist about it yesterday she visibly paled and freaked out on my behalf. Is that a good sign?
#would have loved if i had been hooked up to the heart monitor at the time to see how fast my heartrate shot up while it happened#and it would have been mildly amusing to see the nurses freak out over it#coincidentally and predictably my nurse did in fact come in a few minutes later to give me my meds#at like 2 a.m. because that's just how schedules roll i guess#and she say ME all pale and bug eyed as i desperately tried to distract myself on my phone because i didn't want to fall asleep again#and when she asked me what was wrong and i told her she clucked her tongue and said honey i wouldn't want to sleep after that either#I've had four boughts of it over the last six years or so which doesn't sound like an lot but one time is enough for me#so I'm gonna ask my PCP this week for a sleep study#sleep paralysis#sleep disorder#nightmare#the art i made about the sleep paralysis disturbed my therapist but i thought it was rather mild in comparison to the actual hallucination#art therapy#sleep deprivation
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im so sleep deprived im in that stage where i hit rem phase in less than 10 seconds
#im not even making a joke i mean this unironically#n ive been sleep deprived like this for years now to the point of this being my norm..?#theres a theory that all the ambien i used to use mixed with my odd sleep schedule that i maintained despite the ambien..#trained my body to just take REM whenever it can as soon as it can#cause i literally can take a 5min nap and ill go into rem during those 5 minutes#i probably have genuine brain damage at this point#aaaand idk maybe it can explain the constant sleep paralysis awakening loop nightmares as well#yapping#either way thats your adora fun fact of the day i suppose !!#........also in an ironic twist of fate... it could very well be that what could help fix me issss..................... fucking ambien
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Tomorrow I have to wake up at like 6:30 so I think that going to sleep at 2am is an amazing idea
#girly stuff#this is what makes us girls#hot girl shit#just girly posts#shitpost#just girly things#just girly thoughts#manic pixie dream girl#manic pixie nightmare#sleep schedule#i need sleep
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apparently i kinda switched from avoiding sleep bcs same stupid nightmare to avoiding sleep bcs lucid dreams are way too nice there must be a catch
#blahblah#look nightmares are real familiar almost like old friends#but lucid dreams? popping up nearly every night nowadays?#too nice it's spooky#sigh#i know its unhealthy should get sleep schedule back under the hand etc#cant afford messing with sleep in 30s and stuff but holy shit#what's the catch??
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[scenario/drabble] Resonance and first-aid
Summary: LIs react when they accidentally injure you during orbital trials- you brush it off, but you soon realise it makes them confront fears and their past. (All ends well, just with some fretting and worrying because the LIs have a very soft spot for you</3)
Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of injury (non-graphic), vague references to myths.
SYLUS
Most of the time, resonance is easy to achieve with Sylus. The familiar surge of energy ripples through you, and a powerful wave rushes towards the charging Wanderer.
And then something hits. You feel yourself getting knocked back several feet, a feeling of burning, twisting pain coursing through you. It's not even the ball of energy itself- just tendrils of black and red, gone astray.
The Wanderer dissolves into embers, its skeletal wings crumbling to ash. Sylus dusts off his hands, the red-black mist fading from his fingertips- until he sees you wince while sheathing your sword.
"Let me see." His voice is almost unnervingly calm, devoid of his typical casual smugness after victory.
You press a hand to the darkening bruise at your waist. "Just a bruise. Some ointment can fix it."
His fingers twitch. For a man who thrives on control, the mistake is unacceptable.
"Sylus," you murmur, catching his wrist. "Itās fine."
His jaw clenches. Somewhere in his ancient, draconic memories, he was doomed with a fate where his lover would be far from fine.
You pry open his closed fist and kiss his palm, breaking the spiral. "I won't get upset over a small accident. And you can patch me up, handsome.ā
He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose,
āKitten,ā
You decide to tease him- surely a little distraction wouldn't hurt. āBesides⦠it's not the first time you've left bruises on my skin."
His laugh is rough, but he pulls you close, his touch too gentle.
āI only take pleasure when I leave marks on you intentionally,ā he murmurs, his hand trailing down your arm and settling on your elbow. āI hate the very idea of causing you pain,ā
His gaze burns with an intense mix of raw, unfiltered pain- something that runs deeper than his strength and power. You reach up to stroke his cheek in consolation, eliciting a soft exhale from him as he leans into your touch.
āAt least now I know how powerful your Evol is during battle,ā you say with a small smile.
āIs this⦠your coping mechanism, sweetie? You've been doing nothing but flirting with me,ā He asks dryly.
āI'm showing you there's no need to blame yourse- agh!ā
Your world tilts as he sweeps you into his arms, carrying you. Mist swirls into a thick cloak, and you're back at his home in a blink.
He doesn't let you lift a single finger until he's sure your condition is stable, and until your bruise is dressed with sterile gauze above a thick layer of ointment.
āI called in sick for you,ā he announces as he joins you under the covers, his warmth seeping into the shared space instantly. āYou're not leaving until you're in a better condition,ā
āOr what? You're gonna tie me to the bed?ā
āYou sound too excited for that sort of thing, kitten.ā
Little did you know, he's already cleared his entire night's schedule to watch over you as you rest, the weight in his chest lifting ever so slightly when he witnesses you sleeping peacefully until the first light of dawn filters through the curtains.
_____
ZAYNE
The Wandererās firey breath comes from behind- Zayne reacts instantly, ice erupting in a shield. But the frost spreads, searing your back with cold. Your knees almost buckle, but you force yourself to turn and grab Zayne to resonate with him- the Wanderer dissipates, splintering into embers in the air.
Before you can fall, Zayne catches you.
"Donāt move," he orders. His usual clinical tone is too sharp, his breaths too measured.
You know why. The nightmares where he loses control- where you freeze under his hands.
"Zayne," you say softly, reaching for his hand. "Look at me, love. Iām here. I'm not going anywhere."
His fingers tremble.
"I know," he grits out, then steadies himself with another measured inhale-exhale. āLet me inspect the injury,ā
You recognise this Zayne- right now, he's a combat medic, moving almost with tunnel vision to assess, diagnose and treat. You tug at the zipper of your gear, trying to shrug off the material to let him access the wound properly.
His hands stop you, āDon't make unnecessary movements. Allow me to do it instead,ā
You nod, feeling your cheeks grow warm as the fabric is removed - then draped modestly across your front again.
"Minor second-degree," he mutters, noting the reddened areas with faint swelling. "No necrosis. Fortunate.ā
Once he rushes you home, he fills a basin with lukewarm water and adds a mild antiseptic before dabbing at the wound. You tense from the sensation, and Zayne pauses.
āOn a scale of one to ten, how badly does it hurt?ā He asks, voice almost stern.
You gnaw at your lip, knowing not to hide your pain from him. It'll only deepen his guilt.
So you ramble, trying to be a compliant patient for him. āMaybe⦠about six? Six point five? But keep going, I don't think I'll deteriorate. The antiseptic feels strange- prickly, but nothing too bad.ā
He exhales quietly behind you, and you feel the warm, damp cotton dab lightly onto your skin again.
He's never talkative, but the silence is heavy with a dense web of tangled emotions that had you scrambling for ways to lessen the weight on Zayne's shoulders.
āDr. Zayne? I have a question.ā You begin.
His hand pauses yet again, but he quickly recovers. āHm?ā
āWill it be safe for me to give hugs after this treatment?ā
You hear him swallow audibly, and he lets out a short sigh- the kind that's stuck between exasperation and amusement.
āIf you move slowly and take extra care, then yes, you may. But cease any movement that causes the slightest discomfort,ā
He bandages you like youāre glass.
Later on, you hug him, long enough to feel the tension ease just the slightest.
Nothing verbal can comfort him right now- no reassurances, no saccharine words- you know it all just gets pushed aside by the persistent, haunting nightmares that he has.
He doesn't move, doesn't try to reject the hug- and you know this is him telling you how much he needs this. So you wait, with your arms wrapped around his torso and your face pressed to his chest.
Seconds turn into minutes- then you feel the gentle, hesitant presence of his hand as he cradles the back of your head gingerly. You hug him tighter.
Your warmth and your heartbeat is enough to let him know- you're safe, and this is not a dream, and that you love him all the same.
_____
RAFAYEL
Your shoulder burns where Rafayelās dagger grazes you- a misaimed throw meant for the Wanderer. The pain gets masked by adrenaline, but you can feel the difference when you move.
Rafayel doesn't notice the sluggishness in your movements just yet, the way you push yourself to keep up with him, hiding the crimson of your clothes within the chaotic blur of battle.
His dance is deadly and alluring, with flashes of his blade and twisting flames sending the Wanderer hurtling backwards.
It is only after the Wanderer bursts into fragments of ash and lingering crackles of energy, when he gasps.
"Donāt-" Heās there in an instant, hands hovering. No theatrics. No jokes. Just agitation.
Youāve never seen him like this.
"Raf, itās just an accident-"
"No." His voice cracks. Eight hundred years ago, he inflicted a fatal wound- one he has never forgiven himself for.
He doesn't speak the entire way home, and dresses the cut with uncharacteristic silence, his fingers lingering as you sit and watch him work.
"Youāre never, ever allowed to bleed for me again," he whispers when he's done, kneeling in front of you on the sofa like he's praying for forgiveness.
You cup his face, looking into his eyes- blue, pink, purple- flooded with an intense guilt that has you lost in the melacholy depths until you're blinking back tears yourself.
"Hey, accidents happen," You say softly, "-and I'm fine. So stop looking so guilty, fishie."
His laugh is watery, but he kisses your palm- like heās reminding himself youāre real, and safe.
āC'mon, Raf. Please?ā You ask, unsure of what you're requesting- for him to look less devastated? For him to trust you as his bodyguard?
He makes a muffled noise, avoiding your gaze now. āI hurt you, and I can't even hug you now because that's gonna make you bleed-ā
You poke his cheek, hoping it draws him out from his gloomy state.
āJust because you're my bodyguard doesn't mean you can endanger yourself,ā he pouts, gently taking your hands and moving them to his chest.
He lets out a shaky sigh. āJust- stay with me for a while longer.ā
Later, he maneuvers you until your legs are draped sideways across his lap, and he holds you like the dearest treasure he's ever found.
(He tells you that your bodyguard duties are off for the next two months. āYou're just my cutie now, Miss Bodyguard can go hibernate,ā he declares.)
_____
XAVIER
Xavierās sword swings wide as he leaps to deliver the finishing blow. There's a rare misjudgment- and it nicks your calf.
He moves in a blur, and returns to your side before the remnants of the Wanderer disappear.
"We're going to the clinic," he says, sheathing his blade. Before you can protest, heās lifting you into his arms.
"Xavier! I can walk-"
"Apologies aren't genuine without action," His grip tightens as he looks down at you, his eyes carrying the depth of stars lost to supernovas, and a rawness so far from his usual tenderness and calm that makes your breath stutter.
At your embarrassed squirming, his brows crease. "Are you rejecting my apology?"
You huff, thinking of showing up at the Hunter's clinic in his arms. "No- youāll- you might get tired."
He holds you with soft desperation, careful yet with a grip tight like he fears you would slip between his fingers like stardust.
"My dear partner, this is the least I can do,ā he says, voice wavering. āNow hold tight, we're taking a shortcut-ā
Once your wound is dressed at the clinic and you are tucked into bed- he finally, finally allows himself to unravel and apologize to you, over and over again in hushed whispers.
He only stops when you press your lips to his, his eyes widening before he embraces you, exhaling a shaky breath.
His arms remain around you until you two fall asleep, with the moon bearing witness to his silent promise of everlasting protection over you.
______
CALEB
Caleb's gun kicks back harder than expected after resonating, and he slams into you.
You throw your arm out instinctively to break the fall, but the impact still sends you both crashing to the ground.
There's a tearing pain in your shoulder, and your breath is knocked straight out of you upon impact, leaving you dazed as you watch the crumbling Wanderer scatter in the wind.
"Oh, shit," Caleb's up instantly, scanning for injuries. "You alright, pips?"
You shift, forcing yourself to sit up despite the burn in your shoulder. "Just a strain.ā
But he sees the way you wince, and his jaw is set. The man who vowed youād always be safe at his side just failed.
"Caleb," you sigh, moving to pick up your weapon. āI'm fine, I swear,ā
Caleb stops you, an arm hooking around your waist from behind as he makes the weapon float back to you instead.
"Major threat was eliminated. We're safe." You protest at his sudden surge of protectiveness, catching the gun.
His laugh is rough, frayed with a sort of mirthless desperation that wrenches through you harder than moving your injured shoulder.
āWe're safe,ā he begins, echoing you, ābut you're staying with me to get your injury checked.ā
Later, he sits you on the kitchen stool to inspect the injury with meticulous precision.
āDon't bite your lips so hard,ā he orders, stopping his inspection and handing you a few unwrapped Hi-Chew candies of all things. āHave these instead,ā
You hum, popping the tiny eraser-shaped candies into your mouth and letting the fruity, chewy sweetness dull the pain.
When Caleb puts anti-inflammatory cream on your shoulders, you feel his touch linger.
"I'll do better next time. I'm not letting anything hurt you, Pips. And don't even think about doing any work- you'll be resting under my watch this week.ā
Note: Pls protect Zayne and Rafayel poor bbs going through all that in the recnt updates make me so :(((( i love them ALSO this piece was inspired by an ask from an anon reader. thanks for reading <333
Click here for the opposite scenario
#lads sylus#sylus#lads zayne#lads caleb#lads rafayel#lads xavier#love and deepspace#lads x reader#love and deepspace fic#lads sylus x reader#lads sylus x you#sylus x reader#lads xavier x you#lads xavier x reader#lads caleb x you#lads caleb x reader#lads zayne x you#lads zayne x reader#lads rafayel x you#lads rafayel x reader#xavier x reader#xavier x you#caleb x reader#caleb x you#zayne x you#zayne x reader#rafayel x you#rafayel x reader#lads fluff#lads x you
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i need to watch him play stray while i get ready to sleep
#its almost 2am again idk wtf happened to my sleep schedule whatever we move#i think its helping with nightmares tho? this is usually the time id wake up from one so its not exactly fixing all the problems but uhh#ill take what i can get
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