#i am going to lose my mcfucking mind

[underwhelmingalchemist]

Starting pride month with the pharmacy denying me my testosterone prescription until mid-June and my doctor saying she can't do anything about it because it's a controlled substance 🙃✌️

[sheila--e]

Man I'm having quite the issue with BOTH of my Shift buttons ever since this dumbass update showed up. It's either unrelated hardware error (weird cuz whats the chance both of the keys broke at the same time) OR some shit Windows just pulled. The keys work for a while then seemingly randomly stop working. I think its software tho, I even took the keycaps away and apart from some Dust and Grime nothing seemed out of the ordinary. My guess is that something stops working on the background of the computer and then it remembers "Oh shit yeah the keyboard." and restarts. I hate it here

[thegenvyisreal]

Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 Thoughts (for real this time)

Let's just take this chronologically so I can lose my mind at the end.

Crowley in heaven! What a dork! He looks lovely I hope SO MANY PPL cosplay him.

OKAY. OKAY LISTEN. I know we never got Crowley's angelic name but that demon was a SERAPH I WILL NOT BE TAKING QUESTIONS. I AM A RAPHAEL!CROWLEY TRUTHER AND WILL BE SO UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

He's so powerful! Someone on here pointed out that when Gabriel in the recording said he was the only supreme (or level 1 or something?) archangel in heaven it panned immediately to Crowley. MY MAN. MY GIRL. CROWLEY IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Throwing encyclopedias at the demons and Aziraphale wincing, boy I feel you.

And shax made fun of Zira for liking food?? Okay fat shamer! Get fucked!

Wartime Halo Demon Bomb?? Great band name.

Crowley defusing a war with just saying "no, bad, do NOT"? The power he has!!

OMG

INEFFABLE

BUREAUCRACY

First of all, I THOUGHT the fly was a Beelzebub thing! I just didn't think it had Gabriel's memories in it.

Their little love story was cute, but explain to me HOW we were supposed to deduce why the jukebox is the way it is or WHY Gabe lost his memories without the Bureaucracy exposition??? NEIL YOU WANTED US TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT HOW???

Good for them for going off together but it's just so SILLY how THEY get to have that and our duo DON'T. I do not like it.

Okay. Let's get on with it.

So I DON'T get my angsty finale, but I do get something INFINITELY WORSE.

Maggie and Nina coming to Crowley to tell him what's up. Good for them!

Nina calling Maggie Angel I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR

Hell yes Derek Jacobi you're so lovely but I want to punch the Metatron in the FACE.

Why on earth would you get Zira THAT coffee?? He doesn't drink coffee!! Is this some power trip?? Is there SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE???

Aziraphale. Sweetie. Darling. Dear boy. You're so STUPID.

Crowley being like, I need to tell you this right now or I may never be able to say it. And Zira like, hold that thought! YOU RUDE LITTLE BITCH LET HIM SPEAK.

Aziraphale. WHY. WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT HEAVEN IS SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! THEY HURT PEOPLE!! YOU LITERALLY LIED TO THEM ABOUT JOB'S KIDS CUZ YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING THEM!!

Crowley confessing. Begging Aziraphale not to do this. Aziraphale not understanding why Crowley WOULDN'T want to do this. ZIRA AFTER EVERYTHING CROWLEY'S BEEN THRU YOU WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY???

The kiss.

My heart shattered.

I've been waiting for this moment for over a month, and I got it in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY. Crowley's desperation, Aziraphale not knowing how to react. Not reacting at all. Crowley kissed him and he just stood there.

Sidebar: I KNOW that Aziraphale KNOWS that he's in love with Crowley. He KNEW in 1941. You dumbass. You imbecile. You fucker. Why.

"I forgive you".

LITERALLY MURDER ME

I want to understand him. I am Aziraphale-coded for sure. But I guess I'm also Crowley-coded?? Idk what to do with my feelings.

The WAY he SAYS the line. The ACTING from Michael. Bravo bb. THE WAY. HE SAYS IT. MY HEART IS ALREADY TORN OUT AND NOW YOU PUT IT THRU A MEAT GRINDER.

Excuse me Zira I have one question:

WHAT.

ON EARTH.

DOES HE NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR.

YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.

I'm gonna commit multiple crimes.

Crowley just standing there HEARTBROKEN. He LOVES THAT ANGEL SO MUCH. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MCFUCKING LOSE IT.

And he just walks out. And Aziraphale looks just as broken. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

And after EVERYTHING. Crowley still waits by his car. Waits to see if Aziraphale will come to his senses and come back for him. But he doesn't. Zira even LOOKS BACK AT HIM before going into the elevator. How DARE you. How FUCKING DARE YOU YOU COWARD.

And you know??? You know what really gets to me?? You know what really cooks my noodle?? Besides the "I forgive you"???

Aziraphale's face journey in the elevator. How it lands, at the end, on a horrific smile. Bless Michael's acting skills cuz that is a horrible smile.

And Crowley just feels nothing. Completely broken. Like all of us.

I get it. I GET THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE PARALLELS. @sycophantastic pointed it out, that it's a 3-act structure, and I know this is the "dark night of the soul" portion of the hero's journey. I GET. IT. I still hate it.

It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Like an hour and a half. Cuz my brain wouldn't shut up. And I dreamt about them. And it was awful and sad. And NOW we're going to a friend's house to watch the whole thing with her for the first time. Again. I have to endure this again.

I need QUITE EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL.

[chthonicrose]

I am, to be perfectly frank, probably going to mcfucking lose it a little bit when my best friend who I have lived with for ten years moves to canada in 3-6 months

like. it's fine. obviously he should move to canada and live with his spouse. I'll be fine. I am just. also going to probably lose my mind a little bit from the enormity of that change. we have lived together our entire adult lives.

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind

[velvetwarfare]

“ so many people are setting the bar really low. ” from Angel (dealers choice bc they both deserve attention))

“ Da? Really? As if we are any better as FUCKING ONLYFANGS BAIT FOR VALENTINO? “

She exasperatedly gestures to the two of them, huffing.

“ But nyet, if I do not start bending over someone who does not reek of piss and alcohol, I am going to mcfucking lose my mind.

You keep getting the SEMI DECENT ONES. I keep getting the poor shitstains who died in their mama’s basement jerking off to gothic chick porn. “

[justsomeoneunordinary]

Since no one answered any of my questions, I attempted to answer them myself. So I went back to re-read those chapters, and… I am none the wiser and have now even more mixed feelings.

My first conclusion was, before I went back to re-read the chapter, that if Madara hadn’t given Hashirama the option, and only said to kill Tobirama without budging, Hashirama would’ve killed Madara in the end, if so with a heavy heart. Because this here:

“He understood all too well, the feelings associated with a brotherly bond…”

If Madara hadn’t given Hashirama the option to either kill Tobirama or himself and only told him to kill Tobirama, clearly with no care for how much such a request would hurt Hashirama, it would only have proven to Hashirama that Madara isn’t the same person anymore he used to be and that he can’t be reasoned with. A Madara who would demand Tobirama’s head and nothing else isn’t one who wants peace, and it wouldn’t be our Madara, who we know, either. Because Madara is, at his core, a kind person—and that’s not something a kind person would request.

So, no matter how much it’d hurt Hashirama, and how much it’d shatter his dreams, the only way I see this scenario going, is Hashirama killing Madara. (After all, he managed to do it later too after they had already reconciled and built the village together—and here they have been longer enemies than those few weeks/months of being friends as kids, so.)

But. This scene:

This scene is genuinely so fucking chilling. That’s his own younger brother he’s talking to like that!!! Why??? Is he talking to Tobirama in such a tone, over someone who’s literally still an enemy? “I dare you”—I dare you what, Hashirama? What, exactly, would you do to your own younger brother if he came closer to the still-enemy?

Yes, yes, Hashirama’s dream of peace, his dream to have his best friend back at his side, the strong connection he and Madara have and the hopes to reconcile—I get all that. But he looks so fucking much like Butsuma here, it’s uncanny. Isn’t Tobirama the one who peace is supposed to be for? Why threaten him then? Losing my mcfucking mind, Kishimoto, I need answers!!!

And the subsequent reaction Tobirama’s:

As well as his expression after Madara voices his conditions:

The shock?? The fear?? In Tobirama’s face?? Is he just shocked because of Hashirama’s sharp tone and that’s not something he’s used to hearing against himself, or is it fear of what would Hashirama do to him? Why does he ask Hashirama if he would kill him, does he not have full trust in his brother? Does he have reason to fear?!

Like?? How the flying fuck am I supposed to interpret these expressions and words? Kishimoto, get your ass here, I just want to talk!!

I might have answered my original question—if Madara had demanded Tobirama’s life and nothing else, Hashirama would’ve killed Madara, because that’s a Madara who obviously wants no peace—but in my strive to answer this question, a new one came up:

What, exactly, would Hashirama had done to Tobirama if Tobirama had ignored Hashirama’s first warning and had killed/attempted to kill Madara?

Especially considering how many years later when Hashirama does kill Madara he says he’d kill anyone who threatens peace, be it his brother or his child, which is an extreme contrast to child-Hashirama who wanted peace for his brother.

So…? 🤨

(Hashi haters DNI; if you shit on my post, I will shit on you)

See, I don’t usually like to think that Hashirama would’ve killed Tobirama if Madara hadn’t given the choice between Tobirama and Hashirama, because those kinds of thoughts usually only come from the anti Hashirama side of the fandom which I could not agree less with if I tried.

But.

The fact remains that Hashirama at some point went from “I will protect my last brother at any cost” to “I will kill anyone who threatens Konoha, even if it were my brother or even my own children” and it’s never fucking shown when that change exactly happened.

Was it when he reached adulthood and he realized for himself that the bigger picture—in his case, peace—matters more than anything else? Was it after Konoha was built and he became Hokage and his responsibilities grew? Was it after Madara left and his heart grew cold?

I imagine it must’ve been a mixture of being Hokage and therefore having more people to protect besides his direct family, and Madara’s betrayal that must’ve struck him pretty badly that he let his heart grow so cold to the point he’d rather kill his best friend/brother/child if they in any way threatened the village resp. peace as a whole than attempting to talk with them first.

But the question remains: What would have Hashirama done if Madara had demanded Tobirama’s life with no other option? I don’t like to imagine that he actually would’ve killed Tobirama, but as much as I devour fics in which Hashirama goes absolutely batshit after his brother dies with relish, canonically speaking, peace would always be Hashirama’s biggest goal. And it’s driving me utterly nuts that I cannot for the life of me say how Hashirama would’ve reacted in this scenario.

Anyway, Idk where I was going with this, I just had to think once again about this and what a fascinating character Hashirama actually is and how little we know about him at the end of the day…

[magistralucis]

stop recommending me north korean apologist blogs you fucking demons 😂😂😂 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

[cobble-stone]

i am a tiger locked in a zoo cage and once a week every tuesday new last life episodes are uploaded and the etho and bdubs content within those are the pumpkin filled with meat to roll around my enclosure for enrichment

[sad--tree]

a dilemma: my pharmacy will only let me request a refill for my adhd meds on the Very Last Day of my last refill. my pharmacy also automatically sets the ready-for-pickup time as being around 2 days later. DOES NO 1 SEE THE ISSUE WITH THIS????

[violaceum-vitellina-viridis]

continued.

and like, i can know, logically, that it's not a Personal Failure™ all i fuckin want, it feels like me being broken and wrong, and i just.

god, i am so tired. i'm back on the meds that make it worse. i can't be off the meds that make it worse, because if i go off of them i lose my everloving mind and want to mcfucking die. i'm just kinda stuck navigating this, forever, with one partner that i...don't know if i can navigate it with, i just don't, and one that i know i can, but that it will inevitably cause the same problem with because eventually the same issue will arise, and just.

fuck.

can this be navigated? yeah, sure, probably. will it be exhausting and annoying and probably not worth it for the people involved? yeah, probably.

i'm tired.

migraine??? hell time. or maybe it's just a journal now. idfk

mmm just had an uncomfortable realization in which the fact that i have A Specific Problem is going to just...... cause. the same issue it did with one relationship. with another relationship. and probably...any relationship i'm in, ever. eventually.

like, not in the same way and not for the same reasons! but.

sure will be. the same thing causing the same exact issue eventually.

cool cool cool. hate this for me. hate it more for anyone i'm with. god. i'd like to be, like, less fucked up, that would be so nice.

[m000000000ved]

going through my periodic *sees a 15 year old on social media* *is suddenly struck by holy shit theyre so small thats not a tiny adult thats a whole child what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck*

[def-ace-ing-it]

I am this close to snapping

[pianostarinwonderland]

wow this event escalated quickly

Am I late in giving my thoughts? Oh definitely. Am I gonna still say them? Aw hell yeah, there's so much to say here man + I have Thoughts now on Rollo backstory

anyway spoilers spoilers for part 3 of Glorious Masquerade, this will be split to two parts

when things were still aight

Love that they're still able to squeeze in a bunch of references here. Like, they made a reference to the man in stilts. It's such a small small thing in comparison to the other references, but they still added it. It adds to the festivities though but like wowowow they really went off with the Hunchback of Notre Dame references

THE. TIGHTROPE. WALKER.

I'M GONNA SHIT MY PANTS BECAUSE WHY IS IT THAT THE ONES WATCHING THE TIGHTROPE WALKER ARE GRIM AND AZUL???????

ok you may be wondering why the fuck that's the thing that's making me go insane. Like, it's just Azul watching a tightrope walker doing their thing,,, and getting nervous as he watches them ,, and just being enthralled by it

BUT . SEE I WROTE THIS FIC 🧍I WROTE A WHOLE ASS METAPHOR OF AZUL AND A TIGHTROPE WALKER LIKE ?????????????????? DISNEY TWISTED WONDERLAND NOT READING MY MIND CHALLENGE FAILED ??????? WTF TWST WTF

in all seriousness, Azul reacting to the tightrope walker was. so. cute. 😭 The way that he was so nervous for them, the way he was like "it's a show, they'd have something to keep their performers safe" but would still feel nervous LIKE!!!! IT WAS SO CUTE THAT HE WAS THAT WORRIED PLS AND GRIM WAS ALSO SO WORRIED IT WAS CUTE and then when Deuce was like wow the ones who are watching this are Grim and Azul then he smiles and goes wow that's a rare sight LIKE LIKE DSKFNGSDNKGFLSNDKLGNSDKLNGLNKLNG MY FAVOIRTE KIBBY AND MY LOML TOGETHER WATCHING A TIGHTROPE WALKER,,,,,,, my heart , ,, ,

anyway, I really love that they went with topsy turvy as the name of the festival!!!! Like, it's so cute, it's so Disney, and I really hope Twst EN does not change this when they bring the event over to the EN version. I also super super love that the dancers get to use magic tambourines though! I love that they not only fit in the idea of masquerades being the place where the rich and poor gather and no one cares about hierarchies and such but that they also add in that non mages can experience having magic for even just a few hours 🥺 that's honestly so beautiful

Rollo being all sniff sniff over that though hmph

NOW THE INFAMOUS SEBEK WANTING TO SIT WITH MALLEUS MOMENT

like pls PLEASE THIS WAS SO FUNNY HE REALLY WAS TRYING SO HARD TO BE WITH MALLEUS EVERYONE WAS LIKE THERE'S NO SPACE BUT HE'S LIKE GTFO GRIM TO THE POINT HE'D DO ROCK PAPER SCISSORS

GUYS IMAGINE . ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH A TANUKI AND YOU FUCKING LOSE. I CAN'T

Azul going "you were deciding with a luck based game you should have prepared better" man this guy nskfkdnlskdskdngkg

I think I fucking lost it though when Rollo's like hi can I sit here too and the others were more accommodating about it

ESPECIALLY AZUL. I FUCKING LOST IT WHEN HE WAS LIKE 'oh of course you can sit here~! Grim can sit on Yuu's lap' LIKE HE WAS MOSTLY QUIET WHEN SEBEK WANTED TO SIT IN THEIR TABLE BUT WAS SO OPENLY WELCOMING TO ROLLO

guys pls it gives me life whenever I see people really try to be polite when someone they dislike tries sitting in their table but would be so welcoming to someone they like to the point they'd willingly live with the cramped space just for them to sit beside them

AND THEN MCFUCKING SEBEK WAS LIKE ?!!??!?!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT THE LAP WAS AN OPTION AZUL SENPAI AND IDIA. IDIA SHROUD.

"because you're loud and we don't want you" I think we should have another Twitter poll on who burns the hottest in Twisted Wonderland and Idia Shroud should win that on the sole basis that that statement was a literal burn

this fucking exchange sent me though

Sebek) OK ANYONE OTHER THAN MALLEUS SAMA CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP Azul) do you know how big you are Sebek) ok then..... AZUL SIT ON MY LAP

not to be possessive but excuse me Sebek, Azul's lap is MY spot and Azul's only choices for a seat are the bench or MY LAP 😤 know your place smh

(this is a good time to remind everyone that I'm very very aight with sharing oshi/bias and I love seeing people share their love for Azul and fangirling with me)

anyway thank you Malleus for finally speaking up and telling Sebek that he was causing trouble because funny as it was, I would have actually been pissed off if I was in that situation. Poor Bekbek though, sent off to the other table. But hey, he had his equestrian buddies with him 🥹 not all was lost !!

Here's a part that actually got me thinking hard! When the show starts and the Fool narrates the tale of the Righteous Judge and the Kind Bellringer, it's done in the same way Clopin does it in the beginning of the movie. Except that in the movie, Clopin tells the children of how wicked Claude Frollo was. But here in Twst, the story has been twisted to show that not only was Quasimodo (the bellringer) kind but that Frollo was also a righteous judge whom everyone respected. And when there was a calamity in the town, it was the combined efforts of Frollo and Quasimodo that saved it. What's more is that nobody knows the exact calamity, just that it was crimson.

We already know that history seems to have been twisted, but understand that up till this point, the way we heard the history of Twisted Wonderland is through a 21st century group of students learning from the books and internet. Of course they're going to read what has been preserved.

But that show sharing the story, it was clearly an age old tradition that started since, or even before, the time of the movie. True, we can't be sure that the events of the Disney movies had happened in Twisted Wonderland. Yuu's dreams remain dreams until now with no clear meaning of whether they're dreaming about the true past or if they're even dreaming about an alternate universe where the Disney we know of occurred. Still, there may be truth to Yuu's dreams, so by that logic, you would think that those stories would be preserved and passed down. But no, they were twisted, to the point that nobody knows the calamity that struck the town. Rollo and Trein even bring it up, there's no literature that specifies exactly what happened, just that the streets were dyed crimson. That's the first time that the story has somewhat addressed the issue with their history. And that makes me fear a bit on what's going to come in chapter 7, when we'll be dealing with Lilia who has lived for so long.

On that note, I find it funny that the first conclusion the boys come up with for the "streets were dyed with crimson" part was that there was a fire. Like, y'all wouldn't think there was a war or some other conflict first?? 🤡 I mean, I get it's for the plot to flow but still, that's an interesting first interpretation lmaoo

OK LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DANCE OK .

congrats to Azujami stans for getting your ship to dance congrats Sebek for getting to dance with wakasama congrats to Nobunaga Shimazaki for getting your character to dance with your biggest fav

and congrats to me because I finally get to see Azul dancing and based on the story afterwards not commenting on everyone's dancing .. he can dance. He can dance. He can dance. I can actually live out my dreams of having a waltz with him. He can dance. I can dance. We can dance together.

@ Jamil and Ruggie how does it feel to be God's chosen ones

OK BUT WE CANNOT GO WITHOUT MENTIONING GRIM SPINNING AT THE END WE SIMPLY CAN'T. RHYTHMIC SINGLEHANDEDLY BECAME THE BEST RHYTHMIC IN THE GAME BECAUSE OF SPINNING GRIM. God I love this kitty, he is so cute keep doing what you're doing my love

and then boom fireworks of course Grim's the one who starts it. I found it so cute that NRC boys were like 'we can't lose to other schools! we gotta show them that we're the best!" and it's just setting off fireworks for the people. It is so cute. I love these teenagers;;;;

part 1.5: when things slowly start going to shit

ngl had to do a 1.5 because Tumblr has a 4096 character limit per block (like all those bullet points are one whole block of text technically)

so anyway, first i just want to say I really love how the Fool was like "hey this is a once a year festival let's dance some more" when people were like hoh fireworks??? Like, they managed to slide in one more reference to the movie, I really love these writers I swear

Now we really see things slowly going to shit. This episode, we do see Rollo being more disgusted with the festival, from the idea of rich and poor mingling together to mages in general.

Here's where it gets interesting though. As the students were setting off fireworks, Malleus approaches Rollo and tells him to join the festivities. Rollo then tells him that he and the students of NRC are strong mages. They shouldn't wield that power so carelessly, or at the very least, use it to entertain the townsfolk. Malleus' response is that he has a strong power, and it's up to him whether he wants to give it to people he likes.

I find their words very interesting. Let's start with Malleus: he views his power as something to be shared to others. It's a mirror to the three fairies who gave gifts to Aurora. This part alone really added a lot of depth to him because up till now, Malleus has an arrogant view of himself and his power. It's not entirely his fault, of course, he was raised with such high expectations and has seen how well he performs in comparison to everyone else. But that sentence, we know that Malleus is aware of his power. But the way he says that like it's a gift that he can choose to give to others. At that moment, it's pride but not arrogance. It's a pride over being able to do this and knowing that you can give something to other people with something that you have. I like that. I really like that.

Onto Rollo: what he says here is really interesting and I'll actually refer to this part later on in the post.

If you recall chapter 2, when Crowley explains the concept of overblot to us, Ace mentions that his grandma would always lecture him to not use his magic so carelessly and that it was due to overblot. See the connection between that and what Rollo said to Malleus? I'll leave this here.

Now Rollo asks us how we feel about being surrounded by mages every day. I think it's really interesting honestly that we get to be asked this the first time. And Yuu says that they either find it fun or that they're used to it. And the way that this puts off Rollo... ah yes, we love to see the face of one who will turn things to shit :33

I mean come on, if you've been playing Twst for a while, you should know by now what episode 3 in events like these is supposed to be: the part where things turn to s h i t

part 2: ah shit shit hit the fan

ah yes, my favorite crime: arson

so ngl this ep really sealed this event as my favorite event of all time but before we explain that, let's get to what's happening in the story

so the students get back to the school, and then they hear the bell ring four times. Very interesting, totally not sus at all

and THEN suddenly a bunch of crimson flowers grow and students start going down. Everyone's like shit fuck what the fuck

the way that they even affected Malleus,, like bruh thank God his guards were with him. That part was pretty eye opening for me actually. I always found it odd that Silver and Sebek were so protective of Malleus when he's so strong that he can defend himself. But that moment, he was stuck, and he could break out because of the two of them.

can I just say those battles had the weirdest opponents ever. Like . I commend them for inserting all the movie references but I think they overdid it with the cloaked men with flowers for heads. Like . help what is THAT .

when wehn Chenya and Neige saved Riddle & Deuce and Rook & Epel 😭 especially Chenya honestly. He saved Riddle because Riddle is his friend. Take note that Riddle was shielding Deuce but Chenya's the one taking the hit for Riddle. This guy,,,, he really cares about Riddle, it is So cute

ALSO THE ANGY CHENYA SPRITE IS HOT OK, I FUCKING LOVE IT

I love the Neige memes that came out of this event honestly. I need to abuse them KDSNFKSFDJSKGDSG

absolutely love how by some miracle (aka plot convenience), all of NRC is still standing. good thing we're here because that plant nearly killed us but turns out being magicless is a gift for once

New piece of lore! The flowers that sprouted all of a sudden are actually extinct flowers that have the ability to absorb one's magic. They are capable of absorbing all their magic to the point someone is left magicless. People have started speculating them to be based on the flowers in Maleficent 2, which were used to kill fae. It's quite terrifying, those little flowers.

So anyway we find out Rollo's the baddie behind this. Everyone's obviously fucking pissed the moment he walks in

And here's an obligatory Azul lovemail from me because hey,, come on. Everyone's pissed at him. But somehow, Azul still has the calmness to go "oh my oh my that sounds like something a bad guy would say" like bruh,,, how can you still be so FUNNY during these trying times

AND THEN WE GET A GOOD LOOK AT ROLLO'S FRENZIED FACES 😳 I think that Twst live2D artists should calm down with the feral faces they are making them too hot

anyway here's where he says that he wants to rid Twisted Wonderland of all its mages. And like hey look at him, he actually has the means to do Just that and that's actually terrifying

bruh Silver and Sebek were actually ready to throw hands at him. they were gonna use their bare fists. pls let Sebek's groovy be him punching Rollo that would be fun

ah shit trapdoor ah shit we're falling down OH HEY MALLEUS IS SAVING US man that was actually really sweet of him 🥺 I'm not a Malleus stan but even I felt touched and a bit excited seeing that part. He really rushed to our aid <3 Malleus stans won so hard

So anyway everyone's safe, Trein saves everyone with his magic go Trein we stan best prof

NOT AZUL BEING SO HAUGHTY KSFHKSDHFJKSDKGBJKSD he's like aww thank you Trein for saving us but I was also prepared to save myself too

idia being like is now the time?????? God this duo is gonna end me one day

but honestly I can relate to that haughtiness it hurts

so anyway weeding time

if you can't magic the flowers away, gotta do it the old fashioned way

Love how Ruggie and Epel are like PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT DO IT FASTER

that crack though,,, poor Trein, may your hip rest in pieces

sadly, there's too many flowers and they can't all weed them out so Ruggie and Idia just go "uhh every man for himself then?"

CUE TREIN CRYING LNSGNKSFDNLSDLNLSDG "where did I go wrong in my teachings huhuhu RSA protected you and this is how you repay them huhuhuhu" HE ACTUALLY CRIED HE HAD TEARS IN HIS SPRITE,,,,,,

and of course. of COURSE Azul goes "oh of course we'll help, this is the perfect opportunity to get mages into our debt" like ,, ,like how can you be so ONE TRACK MINDED ???? literally the world is on fire and Azul will still think about putting people in debt. Riddle is like smh but he's like somehow seeing Azul being Azul calms me down

ah I love Azul, of course he's the first one to figure out that the flowers were Rollo's plan since the very beginning and that the symposium was all a way to bring mages to one place and wipe them out. you and your scheming-ness actually helps out from time to time

But then Idia solves the big mystery: it was to lure Malleus. Damn, these two I swear

and . oh no. oh no Malleus please don't please don't go cra—

"ROLLO FLAMM I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU" boom crackle lightning ahhhh shit there he goes

ok but the mUSIC IN THIS PART 😭 WHEN SEBEK AND SILVER WERE SAYING THAT MALLEUS WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SOMETHING THAT HE RESEARCHED ON THE CITY OF FLOWERS AND HAD THE DATE CIRCLED ON HIS CALENDAR. THE MUSIC WASN'T EVEN SAD OR SERIOUS, IT WAS THE FUCKING TWST EDITION CLOWN MUSIC THAT PLAYED

AND JAMIL GOING THAT'S IT?????? THAT'S THE REASON???????

Jamll I'll have you know that yes being invited for once in your life only to be lured to a trap meant to take you down is a very valid reason to feel upset like come on I feel sorry for the dude he's been wazowski'd at least three times by Disney pls have some sympathy

so Malleus' magic actually causes some flowers to wither and Epel being the local farm boy notices that they were overnourished by the magic

and then of course Azul and Idia figure out what to do. Of course it's the two of them.

so the bell of salvation rings four times to give the town magic and shit like that. so what happens if it's rung a few more times than that? Magic overnourishment wheeeeeeee

I genuinely hope there's no such thing as humans getting overnourished by magic because imagine there's a suddenly long line to the hospital just because people got sick from magic overload this is gonna go to Crowley wheeze

TREIN THOUGH BEING WORRIED FOR HIS STUDENTS HUHUHUHU AND HE EVEN REFERRED BACK TO THE STORY OF THE BELL RINGER AND THE RIGHTEOUS JUDGE

because the righteous judge was the one who told the bell ringer what to do to save the town. So you know, Trein in all his cracked hip glory would want that he's the one who rings the bell while the students stayed behind. But if the righteous judge trusted the bellringer whom he saw as his son, then Trein will trust his students

slay what a great prof you are Trein I hope more profs turn out to be like you

.. but he's still gonna make himself bait . and Yuu and Grim will be with him of course

and anyway yay time for NRC to do their badass thing

final thoughts

Okay so why did this episode make this event my all-time favorite? See, up till now, all the Twst events have been really light with not much real danger that happens. Halloween 2 honestly was the event that made me so so hopeful that there was actually going to be something that happens. But then it only resulted in a prank??? Do you know how disappointed I was with that ending??? 😭 I wanted something thrilling and we didn't get that.

But here we have something ruthless, something actually dangerous. We saw Malleus needing help from his guards, we saw Chenya and Neige go down. Those were extinct flowers that pose a real threat to them as mages. This event was not afraid to be like this even when we know that there is going to be a happy ending after all this is said and done. I'm just so happy that we got such important pieces of lore that I have always wanted ever since 2020.

no like come on, I have this post that I wrote on November 19, 2020, and I say, word per word:

There is another unique magic that I thought of, but it’s for a potential new character.

It’s a bit similar to Riddle’s, except it has a more permanent effect... the unique ability to take away one’s magic. Think Amon from the Legend of Korra, and yeah that’s really the idea. I’d love to see a truly villainous character with that unique magic, and they target NRC for evil reasons. Crowley would be alarmed, and the students themselves would be on guard.

.. ok it's not a unique magic that Rollo is using, but he IS a skilled mage. AND ASIDE FROM THAT, WE LITERALLY GOT THIS ... pls you have no idea how happy this makes me.

Onto my next thoughts, I have two prevailing thoughts over this event. First about Azul (of course lol) and the other being about Rollo.

So on Azul, generally I'm so happy to see him joking around more often. Either he's opening up more or he's always been this funny and we just get more opportunities to see this side of him. 🥺 But I want to draw your attention to not just his humor but his mental fortitude.

Azul's sass comment towards Rollo and his whole "we can get people in our debt!" were hilarious, but it speaks of something deeper about him. In chapter 6, Idia does mention Azul's mental fortitude, but we really see it here. Everyone's tense, everyone's stressed, some of them considered giving up. Azul is angry, he's stressed about this situation too. But he's still being . himself. Like, he's still scheming to get people in his debt. He's still able to throw in one haughty or sassy one liner. And he was still able to think during all this. He was still able to figure out Rollo's plan along with Idia, he was still able to figure out that they could all go to the bell tower and ring the bell 248230923048082353 times until all the flowers die. Sure, maybe it's his coping mechanism. But still, he's not letting the stress get the better of him. Azul is still .. being Azul, even in the face of a disaster. And that's such a huge source of comfort too especially when you're in the situation yourself.

Now onto Rollo. So you really can see his discrimination and hatred against magicians mirrors Frollo's hatred for the Romani people. If you remember what I mentioned about what he says to Malleus, good because that part is important for this.

I believe that Rollo's hatred is heavily influenced by indoctrination from when he was young. It's very possible that he discovered he had magic pretty late, so it may have been in his formative years where he was indoctrinated to believe that mages are evil. It's likely in the kind of institution he initially was. Probably some really really conservative Catholic school that taught that witchcraft was the devil's work.

However, I think that that hatred was further solidified by overblot. It makes sense, no? Overblot in a sense is a manifestation of one's most corrupted self. It's a combination of overuse of magic and one's negative emotions. And it's one thing to just know the existence of overblot. It's another to witness it yourself (or even... experience it yourself...).

Consider: Claude Frollo from the book is an orphan. His parents are dead. What if his parents were taken because of overblot? OG Claude Frollo also has a younger brother. What if that younger brother was affected too? It could also be that the parents themselves overblotted, or there was a monster that rampaged over his home. Or perhaps... he himself overblotted... and he hated himself so much that he spills it over to the rest of humanity.

In any case, I can't wait to see if they'll reveal Rollo's backstory. Would love to see an overblot too honestly wwww but it is an event story. The chances of seeing an overblot are not that high.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this long long LONG ramble. I'm really really excited for next Monday uuuuu

[untimelyambition]

i have SO MUCH TO TALK ABT WITH THIS TRAILER (sex education season 3)

it looks so fucking good??????

aimee and steve still together... jumping on trampolines together... if anything happens to them i will throw hands

aimee has a goat????

eric saying “otis what’s on your face” implying they haven’t seen each other all summer which is... definitely not something i believe

rahim is still there???

eric wearing makeup to school :’)

new headteacher and uniforms but we already knew this

lily and ola still holding hands i hope they’re ok this season :)

OTIS AND RUBY????? THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC??? THEY HOOK UP IN THE BATHROOMS??

ADAM AND ERIC???? look i am personally not the biggest fan of this pairing but as long as eric is happy i am too

also it’s nice to see adam smiling lmfao he’s never gotten to do that

ive spotted jackson... good to know he’s still alive i guess

in one shot anwar is wearing a fascinator... for some reason...

if isaac and maeve start dating i WILL be throwing hands. why is maeve walking into a house?? did she move out?? is she visiting isaac and he moved out?? who’s the woman with her??

every single character going through angst... i do NOT love to see it i want them all to be left alone

bathrooms got torn down... f in chat for the bathrooms

some fucking random scene including a hijacked bus????

aimee and maeve fighting >:( theyre GFS stop making them FIGHT

like a grand total of 1 second of jean screen time... did we forget that shes pregnant??? why are there no shots of her i bet it has something to do w the pregnancy (and her giving birth etc and losing her belly obviously)

new love interest for jackson???

groff family reunion in the local grocery store as you do

more new characters actually several new characters

lots of other bits and pieces im not going to comment on bc we have no context for them but like... i see them i will understand them when it comes out

the scene with otis hugging eric and adam is walking with them smiling at them... mayhaps i will cry this season

jean and jakob are just... back together again hopefully to raise their mcfucking kid

AND LASTLY... POSSIBLE MAEVE AND OTIS RAIN KISS????? if this drags on another season as a slow burn i will simply lose my mind

[mr-double-downer]

this site is so dumb so I have the year in review banner now right? When I click on it (I’m on mobile) it opens a browser with me logged and asks “would you rather use the app?” Like no shit so I click on that but it does nothing so I open the link in my actual phone browser so I can I open it in my app except when I do that it just opens tumblr in the tumblr browser again I am going to lose my mcfucking mind