#what I don’t like is when the plot is moving at a normal pace that’s perfect for 16 episodes and then they pull the rug out from under you

[whenthegoldrays]

Kinda funny when you start a kdrama and the plot is moving surprisingly quickly and you’re like huh,,, I vibe with this but also this cannot possibly go on for a whole 16 episodes and then you check and indeed it’s only 8 or 10 episodes

[bisexualiteaa]

actually dying for a cooper howard x vaultie!reader smut where they have some slow burn longing steaminess, but coop thinks she’s too good for him UNTIL she comes in contact with a sex pollen-esque chem and he finally gives in to save her 🥵 please work your magic and elaborate however you want

A Flame in Your Heart

Cooper Howard x Fem Reader (SMUT!!)

CW: NSFW like absolutely filthy y’all, you’ve been warned. 💀 unprotected sex, irradiated cream pie, p in v, p0rn w/ plot, slow burn, flirting, cursing, perverted thoughts, dub-con (because of chem usage though consent is asked and given!) rough sex, dirty talk, choking, praise kink, degradation, squirting, mention of fingering, FEELINGS!! Slight deviation from TV series, possible grammar/spelling mistakes, cooper starts off mean but slowly warms up to reader

AN: I absolutely LOVED this request! I was up all night writing down all my ideas and spent all this morning perfecting it, and this has to be my longest one yet! I thank you for your patience anon and my lovely readers as I finally post this! Hope you enjoy and that I have done your ask justice! ❤️

Life outside of the vault was difficult to say the least. You felt hunger and dehydration in ways you’d never experienced before, going out of your way to do desperate things you would normally never do in order to get said food and water. The heat was unbearable, every stretch of land you walked across had a danger lurking around every corner, and worst of all, you’d never felt so alone. You weren’t sure what it was about you, maybe it was because you were new to the surface, maybe it was your nearly perfect skin, but everyone seemed to stare or glare at you when you would walk through. It wasn’t until you’d passed through Filly, meeting Ma June that you realized people didn’t take kindly to people like you. “Vaulties” she called them, an audible disdain in her tone, making you look down to remember you were in your blue and gold Vault-Tec suit. “I’ll be going then, have a nice day!” You said skiddishly, offering her a kind smile before turning and exiting the shop. You just wanted to make friends, why was that so hard up here? So when your eyes set on a man clad in classic Wild West cowboy clothes, watching smoke settle after a stand off, you weren’t sure why but you knew that was who you needed on your side in this world. Before you knew it, your feet were already moving and mouth speaking to him, grabbing his attention.

“I ain’t no charity case sweetheart, I don’t take on strays” The ghoul spoke, his southern drawl making him even more memorable than the marred texture of his skin. You looked to the dog that trailed not far behind him as he walked, changing its pace to keep up with the man. “The dog there with you tells me otherwise” you quipped. “Ain’t my dog” he responded harshly as he continued walking. “I can make it worth your while!” You yelled, making him stop in his tracks for a moment, a scary sight at first before you worked up the nerve to come closer once he turned back to you. “And how you suppose you’d do that?” He asked, and at first you didn’t know what to say, the words leaving your mouth before you could really think of a good enough reason. Did nobody like company anymore these days? “Well…I can be your scavenger! Pretty good at collecting stuff” you offered, shaking your bag and making things rattle around inside to prove it, making him give a huff of a chuckle. “‘f I wanted a pack mule I’d‘ve found a brahman” he shot you down. “Okay, then I can be good company to talk to!” You offered. “They make radios for when I want to listen to someone yack” he shut down once again. “I’m a good cook! Even with shitty supplies, I can make a stew that’d put a smile even on the meanest son of a gun’s face” you said, hopeful that he’d at least take you for something, but you had a feeling he’d probably turn you down again. “Iguana on a stick’s just fine” he said, though he had to admit the stew sounded good. Reminded him of home before all this wasteland bullshit. “Oh, umm…” you said awkwardly, your tone growing quiet and my how it put a sad look in your eyes. The evil part of him liked it, seeing your sweet innocent face all downturned but the part that was still human deep down, the part that hardly ever saw the light of day anymore, had half a mind to let you.

“Got a lotta nerve walkin’ up t’ me, girly. If you somehow been lucky enough that you ain’t met dangerous yet, you’re lookin’ at someone who could put you down before you’d even mutter your last words” he threatened, motioning to the double barreled shotgun in his hands. “I know, I saw it first hand. You hold yourself well, I envy that. I’m new to all of this and just really want someone who can help me hold my own the same way” you explained. “Look, I know I don’t look like much but please just give me a chance” you begged, looking up at him with a fighting spirit in your eyes that he had to admit, he was pretty impressed in seeing in a vaultie. “You help me, I help you, however that ends up being” you offered, standing strong on this and damn if he didn’t see a little bit of himself in you at that. He gave a sigh, tilting his head down before shaking it, not believing himself for the words he was about to say. “Alright, but the minute you start draggin’ you’re out, got me?” He said, and he hated the way his cold heart seemed to pump a little faster upon seeing your eyes light up with joy and a smile stretch to your face. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” You said, opening your arms up to hug him but being met with the barrel of his gun poking your stomach to keep space between you. “I don’t do hugs” he spoke gruffly, making you back up enough to where he’d drop the gun back to his side. “R-Right…sorry” you apologized, embarrassment washing over you but still glad to finally have someone in your company. “C’mon, I ain’t got all day now” he said, motioning you to start walking, so you joined him.

Your travels with him certainly weren’t at all what you were expecting them to be. From being used as bait, to being tied up with rope most of the time you’d traveled together, or being sent in as his scavenger, you weren’t prepared for a lot of the reality you faced with being up on the surface. Most nights made you question why you’d ever left the comfort of the vault, why you’d abandoned a trusty food supply, regulated temperatures, a safe place to sleep that wasn’t riddled with radroaches or had the likely hood of waking up to a raider with a knife at your throat for no reason. Then you would remember the experiment in your vault, why you left that awful place for arguably a worse reality on the surface but at least you had freedom. Out here you were free to say what you want, do what you want, consume what you want so long as you could defend yourself incase that supply wasn’t unclaimed. You’d gotten pretty handy with a gun in the most recent weeks. Cooper, you learned one night was his name, using empty glass bottles as targets to help teach you accuracy and how to hit things from a longer range. In exchange, you came a little more useful than he had first thought. You had some useful stuff on you for trade like chems, ammo and food, were a good extra bag to hold stuff in, and you were a better cook than you’d talked about. Sure you had a tendency to talk too much, and you weren’t great with a gun, but you were getting there.

“Might I suggest takin’ them clothes instead of wearin’ that suit?” He said, making you look at him weird for suggesting you strip a dead raider of their clothes. “Why would I do that…?” You asked, genuinely confused and not sure what he was implying either, he was a hard man to predict. “Because, people see that shit and get real mad. People up here don’t like vaulties or the ones that run ‘em” he said and it made sense, it helped you understand why you kept getting evil glares each time someone would look at you or talk to you. You figured he knew best, so you took the shirt and pants from one of the female raiders, tucking them into your bag to change into at a better time. He gave a chuckle watching you do so, apologizing to the dead body profusely as you took their clothes and whatever valuables they had on them for the betterment of your own survival. You were still so naive, part of him was hoping he could slowly start to break and corrupt your way of thinking, but that was a thought for another time.

Before you knew it, night finally began to fall. The sun setting across the horizon gave the air less of a hot, harsh bite as the temperature began to cool rapidly across the sands of the Mojave. All you managed to grab was a pair of beat up, old jeans and a tank top, so as soon as the sun set, the chill set in. As you both set up camp for the night just outside of an abandoned rest stop, you started a fire to cook some of that stew you talked about being good at. He had to admit, it was pretty damn good, likely the best thing he’s had since before the bombs went off. Though even the kindling fire couldn’t manage to chase the chill away, watching you run your hands up and down your arms to try and warm up some by it. He felt a slight pang in his heart, watching you shiver like that, how your eyes lit up by the blaze of the fire and your hair seemed to be tousled just right. You were pretty, too pretty to be trekking this wasteland, and certainly too pretty to be trekking it with him of all people as your company. Even he had a heart still, as cold as it was, so out of kindness he shrugged his duster from his shoulders, draping it around you. You looked at the fabric pooled around you, pulling it over you better before looking to him as he sat down across from you again. “Ain’t no use if the cold gets ya” he said, making you smile appreciatively at him as you realized what he did. “Thank you” you replied, a slight blush fanning to your cheeks as the chattering of your teeth finally died down and you grew warmer. It smelled like him, sure it had splatters of old dried blood and was rather worn, but it had that gunpowder and smoke smell to it that you associated with him. “Don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya” he replied, trying to sound cold but it didn’t come off that way, making you chuckle. “What do I owe you?” You asked, making him fall silent for a moment as he pondered the answer to your question. He looked you over for a second before tipping his hat down to cover his face a bit, the signal that he was about to try and get some sleep. “Just keep watch for a bit, I’ll be up in a few hours” he responded, and while it wasn’t what you were expecting, you’d take it.

He was startled awake a couple hours later when he heard a commotion, you yelling at someone telling them to back off that this place had been claimed. The raider you were up against didn’t seem to like that very much, claiming that wasn’t how it worked up here. The altercation took a turn for the worst when the man reached for his gun but you were quick to fire and kill him before he could let out a shot. A shaky feeling set in your hands and a horrified expression across your face at the realization that you just killed someone. Cooper, who was certainly wide awake now, was rather impressed by your quick timing and precision, coming up behind you to lay a gloved hand to your shoulder. “Well would ya look at that, looks like them lessons been payin’ off after all. How’s it feel?” He asked, looking down at you as you stared at the gun in your hands. “He was yelling at me but…he was aiming at you. I don’t really know what came over me, I didn’t like that he was going to shoot you so I just…I killed him” you said, recounting the encounter to him as if he hadn’t seen it himself. He didn’t really know what to think in that moment as you explained how your mind worked, he was proud for sure at your show of improvement with a gun, yet also touched at the same time. No one ever really looked out for him since he started his bounty hunting, he was a well hated man by many but you defended him without really any reason to. You’d just learned his name not but two weeks ago, and before that he was dragging you around with rope yet you still defended him, had you two really gotten closer in the time that’s passed since? He wasn’t sure, but it was something he could mull over while you were sleeping. “Get some rest vaultie, sun’ll be up soon” he said, knowing you likely wouldn’t get much sleep with the adrenaline still coursing through you, but it was at least worth a try, you two had a long day ahead of you.

When you woke up that next morning, things felt a little different between you two. You weren’t some annoying little dog following him anymore, you were an equal. He no longer looked at you and treated you like you were lower than him as you both set out across the wastelands, he had respect for you. Hell, he even started talking with you now when you were out traveling which was almost unbelievable. You learned through those conversations that he used to be an actor in Wild West themed films, explaining his outfit, and that he was married before the bombs dropped. You of course told him bits and pieces about yourself in exchange, after all it only felt fair but it was also nice to just finally talk to someone after all this time.

When night time fell again you two sat enjoying a meal by the fire together, only rather than across from each other, he sat next to you, making a blush come to your face as you’d smiled sweetly at him. “Glad to know I don’t have germs anymore” you said jokingly, making him chuckle. “Give an old man some credit. It ain’t exactly all peaches and marmalade out here darlin’, even cute can be deadly” he said, the nickname and him calling you cute sending a deeper blush to your cheeks despite knowing it’s just how he spoke. Whether it was the lack of contact with other people for so long, or just his charm you couldn’t quite tell, but it always seemed to have an effect on you. “Just teasin’ you, I get it. I’d tie me up and use me for bait too if I’d been doing this as long as you have. It’s a shit hole out here” you said, making him look at you as you dropped the first curse word he’s ever heard from you. “Well I’ll be damned, either I’m a bad influence or you’re finally growin’ outta that naive shell there, vaultie” Cooper replied, making you laugh as you saw a smirk stretch to his thin, marred lips, the first one you’d seen in a while that wasn’t brought on by drugs, chems or that first sip of a good bottle of alcohol. “Probably both” you quipped, making him chuckle. “Yeah, probably. Been told I ain’t easy to stomach” he said, making you hum. “You’re alright in my book, Coop” you replied with a sweet, genuine smile that matched your tone and was that butterflies you felt in your stomach? Did you just call him Coop? No ones called him that in ages, why did it make his heart start to flutter a bit? “You ain’t so bad yourself, vaultie” he responded, still affording you that small smile before turning back to his food. “Keep making food this good and I just might have to keep you around” he joked, making you giggle and break the slightly tense silence. “It’s not much but I certainly try. I’ll definitely make sure to stay good at it, I like traveling with you” you said, unintentionally coming off flirtatious and fuck there it goes again, that feeling in his chest and his stomach like he needed to hit his inhaler but he felt great. What were you doing to him?

“Hey, if it isn’t too much can I ask you a sort of…personal question?” You asked, holding the beat up bowl in your hands as you looked over at him. This was normally the part where he would say no, absolutely not, he wasn’t here to be questioned on his personal matters. Yet, with you, it was different. Ever since last night he hasn’t been so on edge with you, it was like he’d warmed up to you. “Depends on what you’re askin’ there, sweetheart” he said, the nickname once again making you blush. “Do you…miss them? Your wife and daughter?” You asked, not sure if it was a good subject or good question to ask but after finding out, you were genuinely curious. He looked down at his bowl again, thinking of the proper response to your question. The old him would have been defensive, told you it was none of your business, but now? He wasn’t sure. “Ain’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about ‘em. About the way I ran out on ‘em when them bombs dropped” he answered, making you give him a sad look as genuine guilt filled his tone. This was the most honest and open he’s been with you this whole time. “I feel guilty. Not sure if I feel guilty for runnin’ out and leavin’ ‘em behind or guilty for the way I ran out, been tryin’ t’ figure that out for quite a while now and I still ain’t sure” he added, and you sympathized with that. Everyone has regrets, things they’ve done in the past that they aren’t proud of, people up here were no different in that aspect. “Well, in the short time I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve come to understand that everything you do has a valid reason behind it. So even if you feel it was a shitty thing to do, you obviously had a reason for doing so. No one can blame you for trusting your gut, and I don’t think you should blame yourself for doing so” you responded, your hand falling to his as a comforting gesture, your words ringing in his head almost as if you’d opened something in his mind, something he’d never really gave himself to think about before. He looked down at your hand that rested on his, noticing the way you didn’t flinch away from him like others did, the way you were brave enough to walk up to him, talk to him, *trust* him when he made it very clear that you shouldn’t. It was smaller than his, softer for sure, but warm all the same, then he looked up to see that caring look in your eyes and smile on your face that told him that you cared. “Guess you’re right, still wonder sometimes if it was the right choice to make” he replied. “I understand. Everyone has regrets, we all look at the past and hold at least something that we’ve done before in regret, it’s what makes us human” you said, making him give a huff as a chuckle. “You got anybody?” He asked, making you look down as you moved your feet along the dirt. “An ex-husband, but not anyone I really care about, no. My parents passed a few years before the bombings and he and I split up when I caught him cheating on me with some other woman in the vault..” you explained, not sure why it hurt you to tell the tale still, but you felt it was only fair considering what you’d asked of him to share. “Sorry t’ hear that” Cooper said, making you chuckle weakly, a somber look coming to your face that made his heart wrench. “I haven’t exactly been in love since, and considering he and I split up just a little over ten years ago, really says something I guess, huh?” You asked, trying to laugh to bring up the mood, knowing you sounded pathetic. “He was the fool, not you darlin’. He was the one skippin’ out on one hell of a woman” Cooper said, making you look to him and blush a bit as you gave a chuckle at his response.

“Thanks” you replied appreciatively and with a smile before casting your gaze down to see your hands were still connected and it left you blushing harder with embarrassment, you’d been holding his hand this entire time without realizing it. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I have I-“ “relax vaultie” he cut you off, pushing your hand back down onto his to assure you that he was far from uncomfortable. “It’s…rather nice actually” he admitted, making you feel relieved but your heart fluttered in your chest from it. A thick tension soon began to set in between you both after that night, something of an unspoken, kindling romance beginning to develop. “Then there it can stay” you said, making him smile softly at you, tipping his hat at you as a silent thank you.

Months passed on like this, where you’d spend the days scavenging, picking the land for its resources you could find and hunting bounties by day, then spending your nights by a fire growing closer and closer with every passing day. Through your shared meals, jokes, deep conversations, and plenty of near death experiences, you started to notice your fondness of the ghoul you traveled with. The way you’d hang onto his words with that southern accent that seemed to pull at your heart strings, or the way you’d go out of your way to stand between him and a stray bullet. You’d helped him on more than one occasion in getting out of a sticky spot, or getting him the stuff he needed to keep from turning feral. In return, he started to notice he was feeling the same towards you. There was this sudden need to keep you safe, to do nicer things for you, to speak better towards you, even flirt with you at times. Some nights there’d be so much tension in the air, it’s a miracle you haven’t jumped each other yet. Though in his eyes, as much as his heart yearned for you, he knew you were too good for him. You’d been hurt before, and he had a reputation for hurting people, feeling undeserving of even just the sweet smiles and company you afford him even now. You didn’t need someone like him, you needed a good man, someone who didn’t kill for a living, someone who could treat you right, someone who didn’t look the way he did. You were soft and warm, he was rough and cold, though he supposed that’s where the term “opposites attract” came from. So even when he was a whole bottle deep, he was sure to hold his tongue to a certain point.

Some of those nights around the fire were spent sober, others not so much, and this night happened to be one of those nights spent under the influence. You two had stumbled across a mini-mart, doing your best to out run the radstorm that had been trailing you guys for hours, coming in just to find whatever supplies you could to make it through the next week and possibly hunker down for the night. So imagine your surprise when you seemed to have found the largest chem stache you’d both ever laid eyes on. “Coop! Come here, you gotta see this” you said, making him run towards you to make sure you weren’t hurt or in trouble. His nerves were eased once he saw you, fully intact. “Tell me I’m not seeing shit” you said, pointing to all of the supplies sitting in a box on the table, joined by other supplies around it. You both looked at each other in complete and utter disbelief, this would keep you stocked for months, maybe even a whole year if you conserved it well. “Well ain’t that just the prettiest fuckin’ sight” he said. There was no way a horde of chems this large and this valuable was just completely unprotected you reasoned, so you routed around the place, scoping out for any raiders, straggling traders or ferals who happened to still be around. It was as if heaven was shining down on you both as you found no one around, seemed like no one had been here for days. So you did the most logical thing anyone would do in this situation. Stuff each of your bags to the brim of drugs of all varieties! Seeing as you had food, chems and even some clean water and alcohol lying around, Cooper locked and barricaded the door shut, proposing it could be a good spot to sleep for the night. With a radstorm approaching, it was best to have a roof over your heads to keep out the rain and potential radiation sickness that came with it. “This is the closest fuckin’ thing to a slice of heaven I’ve seen in ages” he said, aside from you is what played in his mind but he couldn’t speak that out loud, no matter how much he wanted to. “You said it!” you replied, and it’s even better with you here you thought, but thought it best to keep it to yourself. He plopped down on the couch, kicking his feet up to rest on the small table that seemed to be in shambles, enjoying a tape that was playing on the TV that he was surprised to still see functioning. “Holy shit, this thing still works?” You asked, amazed to see working technology out in the wastelands, sitting next to him as you watched it with him. He gave a smirk at your reaction, thinking it was cute the way your eyes would light up when you got all excited over something. Deep down it made him want to give you everything you laid eyes on like that just to see it pointed towards him. “Guess so” he replied, enjoying your excitement only to see you turn and look his way, which was his signal to stop staring holes into you before he gets caught. “I dunno about you baby doll, but I ain’t about to spend tonight sober with this stache sittin’ here ‘n front of us” he said, making you laugh as he routed through all the different drugs and chems til he found what he was looking for.

In the process of searching through it all, a small metal box fell to the floor at your feet. It looked like a box of mentats only the design was different, instead of the characteristic green and white box was a red one covered with hearts labeled DN-Chem. You supposed the worst that could happen was turn into the man sitting next to you, which you figured wasn’t the worst fate to succumb to all things considered, so you went against all better judgement and said fuck it, popping two of the mentat like chems and chasing it with the vodka he’d found to wait for it to take effect. “The hell is DN?” He asked, looking at the box, wondering what it was you took. “Don’t know, guess we’ll find out here soon because I took two” you said, taking another sip from the bottle of vodka he passed your way, and he gave a chuckle as you handed it back to him. “You come a mighty long way, little lady” he commented before setting the metal pill box down. He took the bottle from you, taking a swig, then placing one of the small viles into his inhaler before taking a hit of it then lying back, breathing a sigh of relief as it and the alcohol entered his system like the perfect remedy to any ailment. As about a half an hour rolled by, you waited for the high to set in but it never came, instead you were just getting hot, like really hot. There weren’t any windows open, and it was night time so you shouldn’t be this uncomfortably hot for how it was but you felt like you were on fire. “Shit, it’s hot as hell in here…” you complained, shaking off your jacket that you’d picked off of some raider a few weeks back, making him look to you curiously. “Lightweight” he quipped, making you chuckle. “Accept I don’t feel anything, I just feel hot” you said, making him hum with intrigue before turning back to the TV. “Give it some time, you’re new to all this. ‘m sure your body is wonderin’ what the hell you just put in it” he said, and he had a good point, maybe it was just a side effect of not doing them so often compared to his every day use.

As time went on, you began to notice the way your eyes couldn’t help but be glued to him, more specifically glued to the way his legs were now spread as he sat back. You wondered to yourself what he looked like beneath all that cowboy get up, what his reaction would be like to see you getting on your knees for him and slotting yourself between his spread legs. You shook your head to try and rid yourself of such inappropriate thoughts, but what you couldn’t stop no matter how hard you tried was the feeling of arousal beginning to pool in your panties. Sure he flirted with you every now and again, but you doubt he felt towards you the same way you did for him. To him you were sure you were likely more akin to a pet than a friend, useful and nice to have around, but not anything further. At least so you thought. You’d rather hoped you were wrong in assuming so, that maybe he saw you the same way you saw him. You bit your lip as you tried bouncing your leg to relieve the ache between your thighs, a light pink dusting your face and neck even up to the tips of your ears, but nothing worked. Even as you closed your eyes, all you could picture was you laid out on the couch beneath him, or bent over it with him behind you, or you riding him on it. “Been awful quiet. You doin’ alright over there, sweetheart?” Cooper asked you, and the audible whimper you let out from the nickname left you completely embarrassed. You clasped a hand over your mouth, god you were horrified but he gave a grin and a chuckle in response. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me all the sudden. I feel so…weird?” you said, unsure if that was really the proper word to explain it but it was the only way you could really word it off the top of your head with how much your brain felt as if it was turning to mush. “Ya took some chems, it’s gonna feel a bit fuzzy” he said, trying to assure you that feeling a little funny was normal, but this? This didn’t feel normal, not even for a chem high. You tried your best to swallow harshly, doing everything you could to try and relieve the dry ache you felt in your throat at the moment upon looking at him. You grabbed the bottle of vodka, taking a few sips but even that couldn’t grant you bliss from it. The throbbing in your core was driving you absolutely insane. You swore up and down that it was like you could feel your heartbeat in your chest, stomach, and in your cunt all at the same time. “No, this is different…I don’t think what I took was a normal chem, Coop…” you said, trying not to panic at the effects that were setting in but god you felt like you were absolutely feral. He turned to look at you, watching as you clamped your thighs together and the red that fell over your face. “I feel like an animal in heat” you said bluntly, making him go into a near coughing fit as you took him off guard. However that piqued his interest enough to pick up the little metal box again to see what it was you took. “I ain’t ever heard of a chem that does that, was that DN shit the only stuff you took?” He asked, growing slightly concerned for you and whether he had a possible horde of laced chems, or just an extremely horny woman on his hands. Speaking of hands, you were lost in thought staring at them, at the way they gripped the couch like you wanted him to grip your thighs, at the way they looked in those leather gloves he always wore. You wondered how it would feel wrapped around your throat, or how it would feel if his fingers were buried deep inside of you. Shit. This was getting out of control.

“Hey, ya with me still?” He asked, snapping to try and get your attention back on the matter at hand, making you shake your head yes as you broke from your perverted thoughts. “Is that DN shit the only thing you took?” He asked again, making you shake your head yes once more, because you knew damn well your voice was going to betray you the moment you tried to speak. That had to be it, it was the only thing that was different out of it all and the only thing he’d never heard of before. He knew it wasn’t the vodka either because he was drinking it with you, so if it was affecting you, it would have affected him and it hadn’t.

It took him a minute to put two and two together before he finally realized the abbreviations stood for Date Night, reading the instructions and effects on the inside of the tin’s lid. “Shit..” he said as he read it, realizing this was a hand made thing thrown into the bunch by whoever was running this place. “Did you read the lid before you popped them pills?” He asked, making you go wide eyed. As if this couldn’t get any fucking worse, this shit show could have been avoided had you just read the inside of the lid. “There was instructions?? Oh my god…what the fuck did I take?” You asked, concerned for yourself and the tone he had while reading it. “Somethin’ that the creator of it called Date Night. Looks like it’s a…well looks like it’s a handmade sex chem” he said, making you cover your face with your hands out of sheer embarrassment, you’d never wanted to die out in a radstorm more than you did right now. “Please tell me you’re fucking joking, cooper…” you whined, watching him read it more. “How much of it did you take?” He asked, almost scared to know and you were scared to know why. “Two?” You replied, making him whistle at that as he read it. “Fuckin’ hell sugar..” he said through a chuckle, and that nickname made a shiver run through you, sending electric bolts straight to your throbbing cunt. You did your best to bite back the whimper. “You’re only s’possed take one, and with you bein’ new t’ all this, I wouldn’t have taken more than half” he said, making you just wish you could just dig a hole and die in it already. “Fuck me…wait, shit! N-Not literally fuck me I- well I mean I’d like if you did but…FUCK! Forgive me Cooper, I’m so sorry, I can hardly think straight” you said, making him chuckle. “Well sweetheart, I think you and I both know there’s only one good fix for this situation” he said, making you whimper pathetically at the thought, your thighs squeezing together even more as you tried to fight to stay sane. Your eyes cast downwards to his lap once more, seeing the tent forming in his pants, clearly you weren’t the only one all worked up here. “I don’t want to make you feel like you have to, Coop. I can run off and take care of myself if it makes you uncomfort-“ you rambled but before you could finish, his hand cupped the side of your face, pulling you in for a long awaited kiss. You moaned into it without meaning to, feeling the way your body immediately relaxed upon wrapping your arms around him with no hesitation as the sweet innocent kiss turned passionate and dirty rather quickly.

“I won’t lie t’ you, doin’ this with you has passed my mind more times than I’d care to admit, but I don’t wanna cross that line unless you really want this” he said, looking into your eyes and making sure that this was truly what you wanted, that you felt the same way he did. “Coop, I know I’m under the influence of whatever the fuck this drug is, but trust me when I say, I’d be just as good with it sober. Been thinking about it for probably just as long as you have, if I’m honest with you. I want this, I want you and right now I want you so fucking bad that I might lose my mind if you don’t fuck me” you answered bluntly, taking him by surprise at just the sheer amount of absolute filth that left your otherwise innocent mouth, making him chuckle at your use of curse words and how desperate you were for him. “That so sugar?” He asked with a grin, enjoying teasing you at your neediest moments, including now. “God yes, Cooper please..” you begged, nearly moaning in reply and he’d spent time mulling over it before, denying himself the chance but just as the chem stache was a pot of gold, he took this as one of the best opportunities being placed in his lap by whatever higher power existed out there, making him waste no time in kissing you once more. “Good, because I don’t think I’d be able to hold myself back once we’ve started” he said, and the idea made you moan. “Don’t want you to hold back, want all of you” you said, and your wish was his command.

By the time your brain could finally catch up with you again, your clothes were strewn out all around you, your tank top hanging over the back of the couch, your jeans thrown haphazardly on the arm rest behind you, his pants on the floor, his hat on the table and shirt and duster having fallen somewhere behind the couch. By now, you’d already cum on his fingers twice, and on his cock once, this was your fourth round and this shit still had you on fire. “Yes!! Oh fuck, Cooper!” you moaned as your legs wrapped around his hips, keeping him as close to you as you could get, your fingers digging crescent shapes and puffy red lines into his back that unfortunately he knew wouldn’t stay long thanks to his ability to heal stupidly fast. “Doin’ so good for me, baby doll. Look so pretty like this for me, all splayed out like a needy little whore” he praised and degraded through his groans, making you moan and roll your eyes into the back of your head at the praise mixed with degradation as his cock was drilling deep inside you like tonight was all you guys had. “Yeah, you like that, huh sweet thing? Like it when I tell you how good it feels and call you names?” He asked, making you nod your head yes because there wasn’t a single thought in that brain of yours other than his name, which you spoke like a mantra. “Never knew such a sweet lil’ thing like you would be such a dirty little minx. Fuck…enough to make a man like me go feral, ya know that?” he said, making you giggle as you moved his free hand up to your throat, urging him to choke you, and he groaned at the sight. Your kiss swollen lips all puffy and shining with spit, your cheeks dusted a constant pink that grew darker anytime his cock brushed that spot deep inside that made you cling to him, your eyes half lidded, looking up at him like he was your savior. It made him absolutely rock hard knowing you’d pick him over anyone else in this god forsaken wasteland. “My, you are just a little freak, ain’t you? Oh we are gonna have fun together, you and me honey” he promised, squeezing your throat tight enough to restrict your airflow but not enough to hurt or cause any damage. Just enough to get that puddle of a brain of yours all fuzzy as you got closer to your fourth orgasm of the night. “Cooper…’m so close, so close please!!” You begged, feeling the heavy drag of his cock as he pounded into you, leaving you damn near screaming as it nudged your cervix and that spongy little bundle of nerves deep inside. “Go on honey, I gotchya. Let go for me, wanna see those pretty faces and hear those pretty noises you make” he said, angling his hips just right to hit that spot over and over again. “Oh fuck, oh fuck I’m gonna cum again, I-“ you warned before your moans rose in pitch as your walls clamped around him, gushing on his cock as your orgasm hit you like a freight train. Your body arched off the couch, stars filling your vision for a moment as you felt your release gush out and coat your inner thighs, screaming his name like it was your only chance at salvation. “Well ain’t I just the damn luckiest man in the wastelands right now, got me a pretty little vaultie and she’s a gusher” he said, making you whimper at his teasing but judging by the way he emptied himself inside you for the second time, you took it as a sign that he liked that about you. “Holy shit, I-I didn’t know I could do that” you said, thoroughly shocked with what your brain and body were doing as they almost seemed to almost be working against each other. “Do it again for me” he said, grabbing you and moving you both to where you were straddling him this time. His hands rested on your hips, helping guide you as you speared yourself on his dick with ease from how absolutely soaked you were, making you both throw your head back and moan. “Now that’s a damn good sight” he said, making you lean in to kiss him once more as his hands helped you start and keep a steady rhythm with your hips. It was definitely going to be a long night, but one you two have been needing for months, maybe even longer.

It’s a good thing ghouls have remarkable recovery time, because in order to finally get you sated and back to normal, you both had to spend all night going at it. Granted, it was aided by the mix of pent up sexual tension and pent up sexual frustration, but it was dawn before you both had gotten to a point where you could even *try* and fall sleep. First few times was on the couch between missionary, doggy and you riding him, next was you bent over it, with your pretty legs spread and ass in the air for him. Then, you used the arm rest of the couch as a pillow beneath your hips as he stood up while you laid out on the couch. He liked that one a lot for the way your tits would bounce with each and every forceful thrust into you, jolting your body. After that, it was done standing up with your back pressed against a wall, your legs and arms wrapped around him to keep him deep inside of you and fill you til he had nothing left to give you. From that point on, the rest of the night was all a hormone-hazed blur, but you knew well that he took care of you. You woke up unbelievably sore, your joints aching in places that you had no idea could even ache, a swollen, angry throb between your legs for the harsh, almost punishing treatment to your pussy followed by bruises, bite marks, scratch marks, hand prints etc. littered your skin as you woke up curled into Cooper’s side. You gave a gravelly groan as the sun shone in your eyes through the windows, making him chuckle at the way you were such a ray of sunshine except in the morning. Coming to learn that you absolutely *hated* mornings. Though you suppose you started to enjoy them more since traveling with him. “Mornin’ sunshine” he said coyly, making you groan disapprovingly at the way the sun was in your eyes, making you hold your hand up to cast a shadow on your face and grant you some relief. “Morning” you answered, your voice hoarse and half gone from sleep and all your activities that transpired the previous night. “Ain’t that a pretty sight” he said, turning and seeing you curled up to him, naked, your hair all messy from sleep and the hickeys and bite marks littering your skin, making you chuckle. “Last night was definitely something, can’t believe you’ve been holding all *that* out on me” you joked, making him give a dry laugh. “Could say the same thing about you, sugar. Had no idea that mind a yours could be so filthy. You’re a wild thing to party with, lil’ lady” he teased, sliding his arm around you to keep you close, making you hum as you lay soft, appreciative kisses to his collarbone and chest. “You’re fun too, and thank you for taking care of me last night. I’m sorry that it ended up happening the way that it did, I wanted to work up the courage and tell you some other way, I really did, but I guess life had other plans” you said making him chuckle as he saw you blush when he kissed your head. “Drunk words are sober thoughts they say, so I’d say I made out pretty good. But don’t sweat it, not sure how I deserved someone as good as you, but it’s good to know I ain’t as hard to stomach as most people say” he said, pulling you in for a soft, heartfelt kiss. “I think you are just perfect, Cooper” you said, your hand resting on his scarred chest as you looked at him with that gaze he swore he’d do anything to see pointed his way.

“You really wanna be my girl?” He asked softly, sounding shocked and with some self doubt still lacing his tone, but he had to be sure this was what you wanted outside of the drug’s effects. He cared for you deeply, in a way that he hasn’t felt in a very long time, but maybe you were just the right person for him to finally open his heart up to. His question made you giggle as your heart fluttered in your chest with excitement. “I absolutely do, I meant it when I said it last night, I mean it just as much now. I think we’ve danced around it for long enough, don’t you?” you replied, making him smile the most genuinely happy smile you’ve seen him wear since you’d met. “Just checkin’” he said, before laying a sweet kiss to your lips, wishing every morning could be like this one. Maybe it could, now that you were here with him.

[mrs-weasley-reid]

JUST SAY WHEN

Spencer Reid x writer!reader

Synopsis: You always choose Spencer Reid, but is it the right choice? Word Count: 3500+ WARNING: ANGST. not proofread!!! A/N: oh, here we go again... the angst plot in my head. this one feels disorganized. like my writing is all over. i've had this one in my drafts for over a month. but today i have the courage to hit post. honestly have mixed feelings about this. it's a new type of reader I'm dabbling in so i really am anxious about this. tell me what you think!

 “You should’ve seen him when he first saw me.”

THE PURCHASE.

 Vast lavender field soaked in chamomile tea. Dusty sunset through the window pane. Overwhelming aroma of old books. One figure tiptoes to the eighth shelf. Arm stretched to reach an old copy of The Scarlet Letter.

 Whenever Spencer is asked what he felt at that moment, he thinks, “Like I saw an angel freshly descended from heaven.”

 “Shit—” Gasps by the said angel.

 A book and body drop on the carpeted floor.

 Spencer runs to your aid. A failed attempt to prevent the seething pain you momentarily felt. First of many.

 “Are you okay?” He asks, kneeling next to you. Spencer reflexively offers his hand.

 You chuckle, taking his hand, and you feel him tense. “Don’t worry, I’ve had it worse.” You retract your limb to focus the pads of your hands on dusting yourself, squatting down to pick up the book.

 Spencer nods unknowingly despite the confusion and the knots in his eyebrows. He glances at the book, “That’s a great book.”

 Following his gaze, you hoist it up with a grin. “Very,” You emphasize. “I’ve read this, like, ten— thirteen times?” You brag excitedly, sparkling eyes as you meet his big brown sight.

 “Eighty-four.”

 You hum, raising your brows. 

 “I’ve read it eighty-four times.” Spencer shyly smiles, tight lips in a curved line. His hands grip the strap of his leather satchel. Socializing has always been his worst skill, let alone talking to someone as beautiful as you. He can’t help but feel his tongue twist itself into knots he can’t untie.

 You blink—slowly and adorably innocent. “What?” You chirp. It’s not every day you meet someone who’s read a book more times than you. Plus, the boy in front of you is quite the charmer, and you’re distracted by the glow of hazels in his eyes. 

 Spencer nibbles on his lips, and a faint reddish glow creeps all over the land of his skin. “I— uh, I have to go. Bye.” He shuffles as if his body can’t figure out where to direct itself and ends up malfunctioning in the process. In the end, he walks past you, rushing to another aisle.

 It takes you roughly twenty seconds to process that he’s no longer in front of you, twisting your body to his trail. “Eighty-four?!” You exclaim, baffled. 

 Your feet chase after him. “Wait!” You try to match his pace, almost jogging to catch up. “How is that even possible?” You get past him, completely blocking his way. “You just love this book so much that you read it on a loop, or what?” 

 “It really isn’t that big of a deal…” He mumbles, eyes glitching from one title to another, to towers of spines except you. A book with such a beautiful cover, his hands itch to reach and flip every page into memory.

 You place your hands on your hips, furrowing your brows. “Tell me how you read it eighty-four times. I won’t leave you alone until you do. And I swear I’m the most annoying person you’ll ever meet, so it might be in your best interest to get rid of me quickly before you go insane.” You shrug like it’s a normal thing to say to a stranger.

 Curiosity brims from your eyes, like a big doe's eyes begging a prey to bite her limb for the sake of adventure. And like a pirate tempted by a siren, Spencer takes the bait.

 “My mom loves the book, so I read it to her all the time.” He admits, a hand behind his neck. It’s the start of a long explanation. You don’t dare stop him. Your eyes are fully fixed on his moving lips. He can feel it. And he fights not to meet yours because he just might explode.

 Right then and there, you know the small contact from his hand completely stole your heart. And his words hold you into a willing prisoner because you saw him first from afar. Because you specifically chose the book in your hand despite having two copies of it to avoid first contact. Because you didn’t want him to know how long you’ve been staring. 

 Spencer gets abruptly cut off by a patron bumping into him. You fight every willpower in your chest to keep yourself from making a scene in a mall’s bookstore, shifting your attention to him.

 “Want to talk more about it over coffee?” 

 “I was mesmerized. The beauty of his mind was so intricate I couldn’t stop myself from falling even if I tried. I wanted him to own me. And it happened just as I wanted. I just didn’t know it’d be torture… Reaching his hand out was his fatal mistake. Taking his hand was my demise.”

THE FIRST CHIP.

 Disheveled. Broken. Sharp.

 Big brown eyes dull in the dead of the night. Spencer stands before you with indifference.

 He’s changed.

 But the grip on the neck of his satchel tells you your Spencer is still there behind the walls he put up. The first of many false hopes you convince yourself to believe.

 Five months. You’ve been dating Spencer Reid for only five months. And you’re in love with every fiber of his being. Only five months, and you know you’d love him for the longest run. 

 When people ask why you love him, you say, “Because I know he’ll never hurt me.”

 Then it happens.

 Tobias Hankel. 

 You loathe the name the moment you hear it. Accidentally burn yourself in the middle of making dinner when you receive a call from Penelope Garcia that Spencer’s been kidnapped by a serial killer. 

 In the moment, you panic. Almost causing a huge fire in your apartment building as you babble over the phone, asking Penelope where the hell your boyfriend is being held as if the word kidnapped meant a mark on a map.

 Then, you worry. You beg Penelope to let you in on the progress of his search. You pace in your living room. You read every true crime book on your shelf. You pray on each page that an answer will dawn on you and that you’ll have something of use to locate Spencer, as if you knew everything when, in reality, all you knew was that he’s held captive by some sick villain in your story. 

 You felt like every sidekick in a hero’s movie. Useless.

 When Penelope tells you that he’s on his way home, you’re never too tired or sleep-deprived to drive to his place. You waited hours outside his doorstep. You ignore the shivery breeze all over your skin, as you’d forgotten to change into something more weather-appropriate. You don’t worry about the unattended kitchen, the food you are excited to make. 

 You only think about one thing: be the first person Spencer sees when he comes home. 

 He arrives in the sixth hour, close to dawn. There's a gauze on his temple. His eyes are glued to the wooden floor.

 It’s a strength not to cry out from the sight. Worry courses throughout your body. But the relief that he’s made it home safe cancels the anxiety out of your head. All you want is to cradle him, wrap him in your arms to remind him of home, of safety, of being loved.

 You take Spencer into a tight hug. “I was so worried.” You whisper in his chest, breathing in his wake. He’s safe. Everything should be okay. “I’m glad you’re safe. I care about you so much.”

 Only for him to say, “You should go home. It’s late.”

 “I’m not gonna leave you by yourself.” You shake your head, pulling away to stare at his empty face. Your palm cups his cheek, and it’s cold. He doesn’t lean against it. He simply winces like your touch is dangerous.

 “I’m too tired to entertain a guest.”

 You.

 A guest.

 There’s a small sting inside your chest that you ignore don’t notice. Your heart feels similar to a teacup with a chip on its rims. Delicately painful to the touch. 

 You swallow the thick air in the middle of your throat, nodding as you bite the tears from the back of your eyes. “Alright, my love…” You softly enunciate, not wanting to sob at the sight of Spencer avoiding your image.

 The spark in him that you love so much is nowhere to be found. Only hatred and something you can’t figure out swim behind his irises. He doesn’t even reach for your hand. Doesn’t hum in delight like he always does when your skin caresses him.

 A prominent chip marks your being. As if you had been dropped from two floors down. 

 You shove the thought away. 

 You tell yourself that Spencer needs his space. Tell yourself that he needs time to process, to heal. You tell yourself it’s okay because Spencer’s had a long week. You tell yourself it’s not about you.

 You leave a kiss on his cheek, “Rest well. Call me if you need anything.” You walk down the stairs with a weight you don’t discern. 

 Spencer doesn’t say he will.

 And he didn’t.

 “It takes a while before I realize the chip he caused. And even then, I said, what is love if I never get hurt? What is love if there’s no struggle? Besides, there are moments when the chip didn’t hurt. Minimum effort filled the aching void. Simplest gestures blinded me. Sweetest words impaired my hearing. I wasn’t hypnotized or caught in a spell. It’s plain and simple. He had a hold on me. I chose not to break free.”

THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD.

 “Oh, here we go again.”

 You feel yourself physically shrink.

 Spencer rolls his eyes, pushing one hand into the depths of his right eye socket. Heavy sighs drool off his lips. The pounding in his head makes his vision blurry. And you’re convinced some type of voice tells him you’re no one important in his life. 

 You had asked him if he’d like to take a break from his files. After he’d said no, you carefully made a point that he hadn’t eaten anything the whole day. Then, you’re back to the now, where Spencer snaps at the mere mention of taking his fingers off the thin edges of the case. 

 A year into loving him. A year into being his solace—his words that now seem to be a lie—and you feel your entire body tense with every twitch and narrow of his eyes. 

 “Can’t you just leave me alone?” 

 Your chest tightens. A tug hitches your breath. A strong pressure sits over your lungs, deflating every air out without any chance of inflating back. 

 Since that night, Spencer changed. And you don't blame him. Completely understanding the stake of his trauma. Motivated to make his days better, to make him feel better. 

 The first month since that evening, Spencer didn’t text or call. He didn’t answer yours either. He isolated himself, and you’d heard from JJ that they even had a hard time talking to him. 

 So, you thought you weren't alone. That you weren't the problem. Because if everybody else can't reach him, then Spencer must want his solitude.

 You climb on your shelf. You patiently wait for him to want you again. You let it happen. Let him consume you despite the ache that gnaws in the back of your mind.

 And when he comes knocking on your door. You swing it so fast, eager to have him back in your arms. You lock the tingly feeling inside a vault. Because Spencer said he loves you that day.

 “I’m trying to do my job. It’s a difficult job, unlike yours, where you just scribble on paper or tap on your annoying keyboard and be done for the day.” 

 It cracks. Every fiber of your being cracks. The colorful memories are stricken with connected lines, slowly turning into a depressing gray. 

 You crack internally. A glass hit with force enough to break but not enough to shatter apart. Your skin holds up every broken part like a puzzle piece. 

 He’s just mad. He doesn’t mean it. You chant inside your head. You don’t know who you’re lying to.

 Spencer said he loves your writing. Love every word lined by your weaving hand. Love the stories formed from mundane moments and late nights. Love the emotions that brim within spaces and punctuation marks. 

 And you wonder if you should've kept not believing it. If you should've stayed appreciative but never convinced.

 “There are people’s lives at stake. I’m saving people’s lives, not filling their free time by reading your made-up stories.” 

 A target made to be maimed. Spencer aims at the center with precision. And you’re stricken with every shot.

 Your feet step back on their own. A subconscious pull for safety. Heart beats in fear, in ache. 

 “I’m sorry.”

 It dies in your throat. Your body shakes in so much pain you don't mind the way your heart and lungs shrink. Afraid that tears may fall, willing them to stay in place—in the back of your eyes where Spencer won't find them. 

 His migraines worsen. You tell yourself. 

 He’s still in pain. You remind yourself.

 His job is more important. You convince yourself. 

 Excuses after excuses. You make it a habit. Make excuses for him to distract the piercing agony.

 “W-why don’t I give you some space? Refill your cup?” You offer a smile like it’s a job you must carry successfully.

 Spencer gulps, hands in his pockets. “That would be great. Thanks.” He replies, getting back on his seat as if he hadn’t just cut through you like a sharp ax splitting a small trunk in half.

 You flinch when he shuts the door as soon as you step out of the room. Each piece vibrates in place, waiting for the last hit.

 “Litany of reasons come after that. I woke up each day with yet another excuse. A shameful attempt to sell what was rotten. Until I took a bite of it myself, and I tasted the sickening truth.”

THE DESTROYED SAND CASTLE.

 It's deafening. 

 The sound of you shattering into a thousand pieces. Sharp edges cut through every fabric of what you thought was true, what you thought was real. 

 “I love her.”

 But you're not her.

 You’re not the great Dr. Maeve Donovan. The woman who kept his migraines at bay, if not anything, cured them. The smart, beautiful, successful woman who rang every local pay phone in his vicinity. The woman that occupied his waking days. Days he went through next to you.

 Dr. Maeve Donovan. Spencer’s great love.

 And he’s never seen her in person until her last breath. But her voice is enough to steal him away from you. Enough for the color in Spencer’s skin to light back up after years of your failed attempts. Enough for Spencer to fall in love with her. Enough to stay in love with her despite her being gone in the wind. Despite you sleeping next to him every single night.

 She was enough. The idea of her is enough.

 “I love her.”

 Love. Present tense. Spencer loves her. 

 You don’t remember the last time he’d ever said those words to you. Don’t remember the genuine emotions that radiate along those words. Don’t remember the last time you’ve ever felt loved by him.

 “Hey…” 

 You walk past Penelope. You don't realize it until she catches your arm, distracted by the fatal explosion inside your chest. You can see the way your world crumbles like a sand castle kicked by the meanest bully.

 “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Did you not find Reid? Is he not in Hotch’s office?” Her eyes soften at the sight of your tears flowing like a steady river. “He’s safe, I promise. Just a little graze, you’ll see.” She tries to console you, rubbing the side of your arm.

 Just a little graze.

 Spencer has been carving little grazes on you for years, and the final blow causes your entire life to shatter in fine dust—close to nonexistence. 

 “Do you mind telling Spencer that there was an emergency, so I had to go?” Your voice breaks with each syllable, fighting the sobs from spilling out. It’s numbingly painful. Every part of you is sore and aching. 

 Penelope furrows her brows, “Sure, but is everything okay? What emergency?” She pries, no bad intentions, simply a sign of her kindness.

 You take a rough gulp. “I…” You look into her eyes, begging for her not to ask further. 

 She nods, giving you a soft squeeze on your arm and a warm smile. That's when you knew that she knew exactly the source of your nonstop tears. Maybe no longer than you did because you can see the anger in her eyes. At least she's on your side. And it's enough for you. “Call me if you need anything, love,” Penelope says, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. “I’m always here for you. I’m always ready to be on your side.” She adds against your neck.

 And you're heading towards the elevator without a second thought.

 You hear your name as the doors close, lifting your head to find Spencer coming out of the bullpen. Penelope is true to her words, blocking him from reaching where you stand. His voice makes your insides churn. The sound of your name rolling off his tongue is sickening.

 Your body collapses on the floor. The sobs finally echo within the tight space. The tears endlessly flow in raging torrents between floors. You wrap your arms around your torso, holding yourself together.

 But it's way too late.

 Every piece of you has already shattered into messy pieces. Spread out in broken parts, unfit even if you tried to glue yourself back together. 

 Spencer has destroyed the castle you've built. The castle you made just for him. 

 You wonder if it's all for show. If Spencer chose to keep you just to avoid his boredom when Maeve’s unreachable. If he only tolerated you to fill her physical absence.

 But you should’ve known that it was a matter of time. His kisses were merely ghosts. His touch was stinging cold. His words were hallow. 

 The signs were clear in plain sight.

 Spencer stopped loving you a long time ago.

 "It's my fault." You say out loud, as if thinking it isn't painful enough.

 You made a choice. Each day, you choose to make up new reasons why Spencer is distant. You convince yourself that you aren't hurt by his cold glances. You tell yourself that it’s not torture if you love him.

 The elevator dings to the last floor.

 “Remnants of myself dried up inside that box.”

 Tongue runs over the softness of your lips as the final lines of your book approach with the same heart-wrenching ache. For the audience, at least.

 You flip the page, lifting your gaze. You scan the mass of teary eyes and silent sobs.

 There, you find two familiar faces. Penelope sniffs next to Rossi, who’s smiling proudly. The sweet blonde became your secret ray of sunshine. And the Italian mentored your way to a New York Times bestseller.

 "In that tight space. In the center of those four moving walls. I wished so much that he'd only said when. When everything felt too much. When I was unwanted. When he stopped loving me. I would've understood. Because I always did."

 What you don’t expect is the third familiar figure. It stands in the farthest back. A shadow if you don’t know any better. You take a deep breath.

 The next words are etched in your brain. The first words you’ve ever written in the making of the book under your palm. The words that still ring in your ears.

 “I must say, it’s not that I never learned. I learned so much that within the cracks of my broken self, I filled them with empty promises. Promises I never kept. Promises I broke because I believed I’d be fixed in a couple of days. I believed that the space between pieces of me would mend if I made the choice to stay.”

 His hair is unkempt. His eyes are as brown as the healthiest earth. His build is leaner. His face is worn out by horrors you don't dare imagine.

 Flashes of his pleas, his tears, his knocks on your door. You remember them like they were just yesterday. The pain that left a prominent indentation on your heart.

 Tattoos of pain adorn his face. Has he been there the entire time? Do you really care if he was?

 You lock eyes with Spencer, pausing for a moment. You let the past seep in. You unlock the vault of your broken pieces. Let them sing in agony. Let him hear the melody of your suffering.

 And then it stops. They vanish through the air of peace. The relief of moving on.

 You smile at him. The one that started everything.

 “It’s important to know that I always had a choice. And with that is the acceptance that each time I chose wrong.”

reid masterlist | masterlist

[f1goat]

more than friends + lando norris x part eight

In which your best friend wants to help you so you get more sexual experience, but he discovers quickly that he never wants to share you and your new sexual experience with others.

masterlist - playlist

warnings: smut with a plot or a plot with smut? :) minors dni! i never proofread so probably grammar or spelling errors

requested: yes, based on: something with a driver sister that’s still a virgin & lando (her bestfriend) suggests to teach her things

part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six / part seven

Lando is walking a bit in front of you, slowly you walk behind him. Together with a couple of his team members and Oscar you’re doing a track walk. Normally you skip this part of the day, but Lando kept begging you to accompany him. So here you are - and Lando isn’t even paying attention to you. You wonder why he wanted you to come here with him. 

“Still not dating Lando?” Oscar questions you suddenly. 

You let out a soft chuckle because of Oscar his blunt question. After you picked Lando and him up, Oscar has asked you that a couple times. It’s nice to talk about everything with someone. Although, not everything since you’re not telling him about the sexual things that are happening between you and Lando. Even though you suspect that Oscar already knows about that. 

“Still single,” you reply.

“Still waiting for him to make a move,” Oscar says, he lets out a soft laugh because of his remark. 

“True,” you state.

Oscar laughs again, this time you join him. Lando is quick to look behind himself when he hears you’re laughing. It surprises him to see you talking and laughing with his teammate. He decreases his pace until he is walking next to Oscar and you. 

“What are you talking about?” Lando asks. 

You doubt about your answer. What do you need to say? You can’t tell Lando that you were talking about him. Before you can say anything, Oscar is already answering Lando.

“I’m trying to get her to go on that date with Pierre,” Oscar says. He knows he’s taking a risk and that Lando will get mad at him, but he’s done with the way his friend handles this. Lando needs a push and right now, Oscar is happy to give him one. A massive big one even. 

“But you already said no to Pierre, right Y/N?” Lando is quick to question you. 

Fucking hell, what did Oscar just do? You know he’s waiting for Lando to make a move on you, but you told him that he didn’t need to intervene. When you look at Lando and notice his frustrated look, you suddenly start to think that it might be worth a shot. 

“Yeah,” you answer, “but he asked again.” It isn’t even a lie. Pierre texted you again yesterday, his text was stupid and a cliche, but you didn’t answer it yet. His text was something in the line of you needing to give him a chance - since he was settling down and really wanted to get to know you. This time he didn’t even say how beautiful you were, something he did a couple times after you said no the first time.

“Why would you chance your mind?” Lando asks confused, “I thought you already decided that he wasn’t your type.”

“You decided that,” Oscar butts in. Lando sends a angry glare towards his teammate. 

“Maybe I should give him a chance to prove himself,” you shrug. 

You really hope that Lando is going to say something against this. There’s not a single cell in your body that likes the idea of going on a date with Pierre. You wait for Lando his reply. In the mean time you take a good look at him. It’s clear that he is frustrated right now, but he doesn’t act on it. Yet. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Lando replies frustrated, “He is a fuck boy.”

“According to him he’s changing,” you state. 

“He still wants to fuck you,” Lando says angrily. 

“Maybe I want him to,” you reply sarcastic. 

Lando doesn’t realize that you’re sarcastic right now. He is sending you angry glances. You don’t know how to behave yourself right now. You have no idea what Lando is going to say. Oscar is looking at the drama unfolding itself before his eyes. He wonders how this will work out. Lando seems way too mad to say anything good right now. He is already preparing himself for a fight. 

“You don’t,” Lando mutters angrily.

“How would you know?” You reply.

You don’t know why you’re getting mad. This is going about useless crap. But Lando is annoying you right now and you only want to frustrate him as well. Lando stops walking and turns himself to you. 

“You told me I would be your first,” Lando eventually says in a soft voice. His eyes are begging you to agree to his words. To tell him again that you want him to be your first. “You can’t expect me to believe that you suddenly want to have your first time with a fuck boy like Pierre,” he adds when you don’t reply fast enough. 

You let out a soft sigh. “You’re right,” you confess. Lando his facial expression is quick to brighten up a bit. “But maybe I want to date someone,” you lie, “I mean I have to get some experience on dating and Pierre can be useful with that.”

“No,” Lando says firmly, “You’re not going on a date with Pierre. End of discussion.”

“And who says you can make that decision for me?” You ask Lando annoyed.

“Come on babygirl, not him,” Lando pleads you.

“Okay, then I’ll say yes to Logan,” you reply.

“No,” Lando is quick to say. “You told me he was too young,” he adds.

“Maybe I changed my mind,” you state.

“Fucking hell,” Lando mutters. You don’t say anything. “After the track walk I’m taking you on a date and I swear to god, I don’t want to hear you about any other boy for the rest of the day.”

Oscar laughs loudly. You almost forgot that he was still here as well. Lando sends him an angry look. He knows that this was Oscars idea. He will talk to his teammate later about this. When he wants to make a sneer directed at Oscar, he starts to notice your look. You have a small smile plastered on your face and you seem happy with yourself. It makes him forget about Oscar. Did you do this on purpose? Maybe you wanted him to snap. He should have asked you on a date way sooner, then this mess wouldn’t be necessary. 

Lando gets closer to you. “And after that date, I’ll deny you your orgasms until you’re screaming out your apologies for even talking about them,” he whispers in your ear.

+++

He’s trying. Really trying. But why is it always that someone is trying to flirt with you wherever Lando takes you? He took you to a nice restaurant this evening. He made sure to check the menu before making a reservation, so he would know for sure that you’d like the food. It seemed to be the perfect evening, but now the fucking waiter is flirting with you. Lando is getting sure that he will be losing his mind pretty soon. He tries to ignore the waiter, but every time he comes over he’s reminded about the fact that your not his. Fuck. 

“What’s going on Lan?” 

It’s your voice who pulls him out of his thoughts. Lando tries to shrug it off, but when he sees your strict gaze he knows he won’t get away this easily. 

“Why is it that every where I take you, there seems to be someone trying to get with you,” Lando eventually confesses with an annoyed sigh. 

You show him a small smile. It’s really bothering him apparently. “I’m not interested in any of them,” you tell Lando, “so you can relax.”

“Promise?” He asks you.

“Promise.”

“Not even that waiter?” He asks just to be sure.

“Which waiter?” You ask confused, “I thought you were still talking about Logan and Pierre.”

“The one who just brought you your drink,” Lando confesses.

“What’s with him?” You ask confused.

“He’s trying to flirt with you,” Lando sighs.

You let out a soft chuckle. “I didn’t even notice,” you tell Lando. “Come on babe, ignore them and enjoy our evening,” you add when Lando is glaring at the waiter who’s coming closer again. 

When Lando and you start to walk towards the exit of the restaurant after dinner, you’re quick to realize that the waiter from before is coming to you two. Lando is already sending angry glances, wondering what the guy wants this time. You on the other hand don’t know what to think. Maybe you just forgot something that he’s going to bring over? 

“Hi,” the waiter is quick to greet you when he stands in front of you. “I uh,” he continues while looking a bit nervous, “I was wondering if you’re single. And if so, if I can get your number?” 

Fuck. You don’t like it that Lando was right. Lando is quick to put his arm around your body and pulls you close to himself. It’s almost like he’s trying to show the guy that you’re his. But you’re not. 

You wonder how to react to the waiter. What do you need to reply? You don’t want to give him your number, but you also don’t want to be rude. Normally those things don’t happen to you. 

“No, she’s not.”

Lando his words shock you, but you play along. You try to hide your confused feelings. The waiter is quick to mumble a soft apology and walk off. Lando starts to walk with you in a fast pace, it seems like he wants to leave as quick as possible.

Lando takes you back to the hotel with him. You are feeling tense because of Lando his earlier words. Is he really going to deny you your orgasms? Lando his hand is laying on your thigh while he drives to the hotel. You stare at him. Lately he has made you question everything. Of course you were well aware of your feelings before, but now things have changed. Now you feel the slight possibility of Lando liking you back. You don’t want to hope too much, but you can’t help yourself anymore… His jealousy alone makes you question everything. 

When the two of you are back into the hotel, Lando is quick to wrap you into his arms. He lifts you up a bit and takes you to the bed with him. You are quick to softly fall onto the bed, Lando lands next to you. It doesn’t stop him from wrapping his arms all around your body. You let out a relieved sound. Lando is quick to follow. 

“All I wanted today was to cuddle with you,” Lando softly confesses.

You feel your cheeks heating up from his confession. You get closer to Lando and put a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“I like that as well,” you tell Lando.

He shows you a grin.

+++

A few hours later you’re laying on the bed with Lando again. This time you’re freshly showered and underneath the sheets of the bed. You’re wearing one of Lando his shirts and your panties. Lando is already complaining about it. Even though he’s only wearing his boxers.

“How do you expect me not to take your virginity right now and here if you’re looking like this?” He ask you. 

You let you gaze away from the television screen that’s playing some old Family Guy episodes, to look at Lando. You feel your cheeks reddening while thinking about what to reply. Eventually you decide to be honest with him.

“I don’t expect you to,” you confess.

“No, no babygirl,” Lando quickly states.

“No?” You ask him confused.

Lando doesn’t tell you that he’s waiting on purpose. He doesn’t know what will happen after he takes your virginity, but he’s afraid things between you two will go back to ‘normal’. Or at least the things that were normal for you before, so no kissing and sexual stuff anymore.

“I want to do it right,” Lando says, “You know a bit romantic and stuff like that.”

“You don’t have to,” you say, “I’m ready and if you want to now is fine.”

“I want to,” Lando answers firmly, “not that I don’t want to fuck the living shit out of you right now, but I want to make sure your first time is perfect.” 

“That’s sweet Lan.”

“Come here babygirl,” Lando says. You move yourself closer to him and lay down on him. 

Lando is quick to press a firm kiss against your lips. It’s fast to turn into more. You slightly open your lips to give Lando entrance to your tongue. Something he’s quick to take. You put yourself on top of Lando his body. Slowly you grind your hips against his crotch. You feel something hardening underneath yourself. It’s exactly what you think it is. It only took you a couple seconds before Lando got hard from your movements.

Is it weird to see that as a compliment?

Lando moves his hands towards your hips. He helps you to grind him harder. He uses a bit more pressure and makes sure you hit him rightly every time. You move your head closer to Lando and press a kiss against his lips. It turns into a make out session in no time. 

“Fuck,” Lando moans. 

You try to grind on to him even harder while increasing your pace. You twirl your hips in the mean time. Lando softly squeezes your ass, it causes you to let out a soft moan as well. Lando shows you a small smirk. You increase your pace and pressure even more. When Lando lets out a deep moan, you show him a smirk back. Two can play this game.

It only takes you a couple more movements before you feel a small bit of wetness. Lando isn’t looking at you anymore. He has his eyes closed and lets out another soft moan. 

“Fucking hell babygirl,” he eventually mutters when he opens his eyes again, “You just made me cum into my underwear. Again.”

You show Lando a small innocent smile. He shakes his head while laughing.

sorry for taking a bit longer then usual :( i've been busy! hopefully i can write part nine faster

taglist: @booksandplushies @dinodumbass @formula1mount @words-are-cheap @allywthsr @inejghafawifesblog @chonkybonky @formulas-bitch @harrysdimple05 @vildetry06 @wherethefuckisthething @nonameishere @lauralarsen@meadhbhcavanagh @obliviatevamps @shy4turcs @fix5idiots @nightlockcornucopia @marialovesf1 @kapsylia @im-an-overthinker @jule239 @lanando4 @lauralarsen @leclercdream @agentadhd @rewmuslupin @allsouls-emma @iamshiningeuw @teenagedreams-cl@kiskso @loxbbg @vellicora @thomaslefteyebrow @avg-golden-retriever @amorydsmt @killjoynotes@barelytolerabled @starmanv @changetyre @kami10471633 @2bormaybenot @httpmrklee @buendiabebeta @aliceespector@ryiamarie @mickslover @sop-hie092 @miniemonie2001 @greymarvelskaikru @kapsylia @swiftiedrafts @thatchickwiththecamera @formulas-bitch @venisvendetta @t3a-3njoy3r @landowecanbewc

[simplyraeblue]

hunter and hunted (jjk)

college (summer) break au: a fic in which y/n is pining over Yuji's older brother Sukuna, while unbeknownst to her, Choso is doing the same thing for her. contents: sukuna x reader, choso x reader, modern college AU, yuji and choso are brothers, sukuna and yuji are brothers, smut warning, fem reader

chapter warnings/tags: lil bit of angst, choso's feelings are starting to show, drinking games, reader is starting to get butterflies from choso A/N: just a simple plot chapter! we're closer to a little choso x reader action, and sukuna may react poorly... ( • ᴗ - ) also no matter if there's smut in the chapter or not, I will always use MDNI!

index part seven | part nine

part eight word count: 2,912

you had decided that this weekend would be the best one of your life. after all, it was finally time for the annual summer trip that you go on with Yuji and your friends every break; last year it was the beach, but this year the group vote was to stay in a cozy cabin in the woods with plans for hiking and exploring. but your favorite part was the idea of making smores and drinking around the campfire.

“Yuji let’s go! we have to get a move on!” you yelled up the stairs, your patience wearing thin as you waited for him to hurry. you heard a clumsy thud from above, followed by a series of frantic footsteps. Yuji appeared, hopping down the stairs on one foot while struggling to put his shoes on fast enough.

“jeez, mom, I’m moving as fast as I can.” Yuji quipped, nearly losing his balance but catching himself on the stair railing. “why am I the only one getting yelling at?”

he had a point. you turned back to the stairs and hollered, “Choso, we’re going to leave without you!”

convincing Choso to join this years trip had been a small miracle – and Yuji insisted it was because you asked him to. normally, Choso wasn’t one for group outings, often dismissing your friends as immature and obnoxious. it was a mystery to you as to why he agreed to come along this time, but you weren’t complaining.

you silently thanked your lucky stars that Sukuna wasn’t around when you’d asked; he had been off on a trip with his own friends this week, conveniently coming back after you guys had left. with the increased distance between the two of you, you were slowly forgetting the anxiety you had about what had happened, instead opting to focus on the joy of hanging out with Yuji and Choso.

finally, Choso came down the stairs, at a snail’s pace you might add, carrying a duffel bag and wearing headphones around his neck. “I’ve got my music queued up for when we get in the car, so don’t even think about bothering me.” he plainly told you and Yuji, his expression already showing signs of the annoyance to come.

“Aw come on Choso. what if I wanted to play I Spy with you?” you teased, poking him in the side to agitate him more – but it had the opposite effect. instead of swatting you away and groaning like usual, Choso merely smiled at you and shrugged away from your intrusion, a hint of amusement flickering in his eyes.

by the time you managed to herd the two of them out the door, Nobara and Megumi were waiting by the car. Nobara was tapping her foot impatiently, her gaze sweeping over the three of you with a critical eye. “which one of you took the longest to get ready?” she demanded.

without hesitation, you pointed at Choso and Yuji, while they both pointed back at you. your jaw dropped in outrage. “hey! I was the one yelling at you two to get your asses downstairs!”

“doesn’t matter.” Megumi said with a sigh, rolling his eyes. “just get in the car so we can get moving.” he slid into the driver’s seat, with Nobara taking the passenger seat. you were left to squeeze in the back, wedged between Yuji and Choso. with a final round of groans and shuffles, you all took off on the journey.

being sandwiched between Yuji and Choso wasn’t the most comfortable arrangement, and there was absolutely no room to stretch out. Yuji, like a child, kept poking and pestering Nobara from behind her seat – this inevitably led to you getting caught in the crossfire, often receiving a swift swipe from the red head accidentally.

the drive wasn’t long, but it was just long enough to leave you feeling cramped and achy. you glanced over at Choso, who had his headphones in and his eyes shut, likely tuning out the chaos of the car. deciding to take a chance, you gently pulled one of the earbuds from his ear.

Choso’s eyes snapped open in irritation before he realized it was you. “can I listen too?” you asked, offering a hopeful smile hoping to persuade him.

he nodded, a soft smile spreading across his face. you took the extra earbud and popped it into your ear. to your surprise, Choso’s playlist was filled with lo-fi music – pleasantly surprising you. the gentle beats began to relax you, and you found yourself leaning against Choso’s shoulder, closing your eyes.

unbeknownst to you, Choso’s face turned a delicate shade of pink at the unexpected contact. he looked down at you, finding you utterly adorable as you sought comfort in his presence. his smile widened as he enjoyed the moment. just then, he noticed Yuji staring at him, eyes wide in disbelief.

“what the hell?” Yuji mouthed silently, his expression a mix of surprise and confusing.

Choso quickly mouthed back, “don’t know what you’re talking about,” before settling back into his seat and closing his eyes. even though he was eager for the car ride to be over, a part of him wished it would go on forever so he could savor your closeness a bit longer.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

you hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but the gentle shaking your shoulder woke you, and you realized you’d dozed off for the entire ride.

“y/n, we’re here.” Choso said softly, nudging you awake. as you blinked away the remnant of sleep and sat up, you stretched and tried to shake off the drowsiness. “I think you drooled on my shirt a little.” he added with a hint of amusement.

your eyes widened in alarm as you quickly glanced at Choso’s shirt, but there was no sign of drool. Choso’s laughter only made your cheeks flush with embarrassment. “don’t do that to me; I was about to feel terrible for sleeping on you.” you snapped, giving him a playful swat.

once you all exited the car, you took a deep breath and stretched your limbs, relishing the opportunity to pop a few joints. the cabin that stood before you was charming and cozy, exactly what you’d been looking forward to. the surrounding quiet was a welcome change from the car ride chaos. you mentally noted to thank Megumi later for using Gojo’s card to book the place – or perhaps thank Gojo himself.

Nobara broke the silence, questioning, “so, what’s the sleeping arrangement?”

“I’ll bunk with Yuji, and the rest of you can get your own rooms.” Megumi answered, a smirk on his face as Yuji beamed with approval.

“but Megumi, you booked the place.” you protested. “surely, you should get your own room.”

“don’t argue.” Nobara cut in firmly. “we get our own rooms.” you suspected that Nobara’s insistence was partly why Megumi had arranged it this way. while you loved her to death, her sometimes picky nature made you relieved to not be sharing a room with her.

the group entered the cabin, immediately splitting off to go find the bedrooms and place luggage inside. you chose a bedroom on the second floor, away from the action, perfect. if you needed a quiet moment, you knew you would be able to escape up here.

while unpacking your bag, you heard footsteps approaching up the stairs. curiosity piqued, you peeked out of your room to see who would be claiming the other room on the second floor. to your surprise, it was Choso.

he caught your eye and smiled warmly. “coming up here for the quiet too?” he asked, his voice gentle.

you blushed slightly and nodded. “yeah, you know how those three can drink and stay up late. I didn’t want to be kept up all night.”

Choso nodded in understanding and proceeded to the extra room to settle in, the door directly across from yours. you felt a wave of relief knowing that Choso was your neighbor up here. it was reassuring to have someone who wouldn’t be a nuisance, and thankfully, he didn’t have his stereo system from home to blast music all the time.

once everyone had settled in, you all regrouped in the kitchen, where Megumi and Yuji were taking charge of dinner. they were in full swing, cooking up a storm as they worked together seamlessly. Nobara, perched on a stool nearby, pestered them with a constant stream of corrections.

you and Choso, seated comfortably at the bar, watched the spectacle with amusement. Yuji had thoughtfully packed your favorite drinks in the cooler before you all left home, and you took a satisfied sip from the can. even though you knew that the weekend was likely to be filled with drinking games, you were just content to unwind and enjoy your alcohol responsibly.

as dinner came to a close, Yuji, Megumi, and Nobara set up a game of drunk jenga in the living room, their excitement building with every clink of a beer bottle. Choso and you decided to bow out; it was the first night at the cabin, and you wanted to wake up refreshed without a hangover tomorrow.

as the night progessed, the room was filled with the sounds of laughter and playful competition. you found yourself feeling blissfully content, sitting a little closer to Choso on the couch and relishing in the comfort.

“who do you think is gonna lose this round?” you asked Choso, your eyes fixed on Yuji as he came close to toppling the wooden tower over.

“hm…” Choso pondered, watching the game intently. after a moment, he said, “I’m betting on Yuji. he’s been a bit clumsy this round.”

“wanna make it interesting?” you suggest with a playful raise of your eyebrow. Choso’s eyes sparkled with intrigue, and he tilted his head slightly.

“what do you have in mind?” he asked, his tone light but with a hint of challenge. for a moment you thought you felt butterflies begin to flutter in your stomach.

“if I win, I get to steal your headphones for the drive back.” you proposed with a grin.

“sounds fair.” Choso agreed, pausing to consider his own wager. “alright then. if I win, you have to go to dinner with me when we get home.”

your stomach did a little flip at his proposition, and you could feel the butterflies taking flight. “how does that put me out?” you asked, your cheeks warming up as you felt the heat rise.

“you’d have to pay.” Choso said with a grin, noticing your realization. “and I eat a lot – maybe not as much as Yuji, but be prepared for a hefty bill.”

you groaned in mock frustration, but there was an undeniable thrill within you at the wager. “fine, but I’m taking you to a McDonald’s.”

“what’s not what I –” Choso started to protest, but his words were cut off by sudden, unexpected knock at the front door.

everyone in the room paused, their attention shifting to the door with a mix of curiosity and concern. Nobara’s brows furrowed. “who the hell could that be?”

Yuji stood up, slightly swaying but with an air of confidence. “maybe it’s the owner of the rental.” he suggested. as he made his way to the door, you noticed Choso’s hand reaching back toward you, a subtle protective gesture that warmed your heart.

with bated breath, you all watched as Yuji turned the doorknob and pulled the door open.

you’d seen plenty of scary movies, the ones where a group of friends go to a cabin in the woods and run into an axe murderer, but nothing could have prepared you for the jump scare you received when the door opened

“guys, look who decided to show up!” Yuji exclaimed, his voice brimming with excitement as he gestured to the figure in the doorway.

“looks like my trip ended a bit early, so I thought I’d take my little bro up on his offer.” Sukuna said with a wide grin, his gaze sweeping over the room. his eyes landed on you, and his grin momentarily faltered before returning, albeit a bit force. he glanced at Choso, whose hand was still protectively reaching toward you. “Choso, didn’t think this was your scene.”

“y/n asked me to come along. I couldn’t say no.” Choso replied through gritted teeth. “didn’t think you’d show up either.”

Sukuna chuckled, making his way into the living room and sitting in a chair that, thankfully, was not next to you. “well, someone's gotta make sure none of you kids do anything stupid.” he said, his eyes lingering on you. you quickly looked away, feeling a flush of discomfort.

“we don’t have an extra bedroom.” Megumi stated calmly, though his body was visibly tense. you knew that Megumi and Nobara really didn’t like Sukuna, only tolerating his presence for Yuji’s sake.

“I’ll take the couch.” Sukuna shrugged, but his gaze remained fixed on you, making you feel increasingly nervous. “or I could share a bed if anyone’s willing.”

“the couch is fine.” Nobara said, her voice dripping with disdain as she caught the look Sukuna was giving you.

you felt like you couldn’t breathe the longer you could feel Sukuna stare at you. having Choso sitting between you two didn’t help much, considering he was beginning to act like your bodyguard making Sukuna only stare harder.

there goes your peaceful getaway.

as Sukuna settled into the living room, the tension became almost palpable. Megumi and Nobara exchanged uneasy glances, while Yuji of course remained unaware, but soon returned to their game.

you stayed put on the couch next to Choso, trying to avoid Sukuna’s lingering gaze. Choso’s presence was a small comfort, his protective demeanor evident as he subtly inched closer to you, his body language signaling he wasn’t happy with Sukuna’s intrusion either.

eventually, Sukuna leaned back in his chair, his eyes still occasionally drifting towards you. he made no effort to engage with the group’s activated, instead seemingly content to observe and occasionally interject with comments that seemed designed to provoke a reaction. Nobara was the easiest to rile up, and you heard her cursing at him every few minutes.

as if sensing the need for a break, Choso stood and stretched. “I’m going to grab a drink. anyone else want anything?” he asked. you took the opportunity to get up as well, eager to escape Sukuna’s wandering eyes.

you followed Choso into the kitchen, where he began rummaging through the cooler for another drink. “I’m sorry about this.” Choso said quietly as he handed you a drink. “I didn’t expect him to show up – honestly, I didn’t know Yuji invited him.”

you took a sip, appreciating the drink and Choso’s attempt to offer comfort. “It’s not your fault.” you replied. “I guess I thought this weekend was going to be relaxing.”

Choso shook his head, his expression shifting to one of mild annoyance. “I know he can be uncomfortable sometimes.” he admitted, his voice low. “he’s always been a bit… inappropriate around you.”

you nearly choked on your drink at his words. if only Choso knew the full extent. the thought of what would happen if Choso and Yuji found out about the bruises being left by Sukuna made your stomach churn. this was definitely not the time to reveal that particular little secret.

“actually, I appreciate the drink, but I think I’m going to head to bed early.” you said, your lips forming a thin line as you mentally cursed Sukuna for dampening your mood. you wanted to act like his presence didn’t bother you, but tonight, you didn’t have the strength to put on a brave face.

Choso’s hand gently rested on your arm, and his brows furrowed in concern, the tattoo across his nose wrinkling as well. “does he make you that uncomfortable?” he asked, his voice filled with genuine worry.

you couldn’t tell Choso exactly what you were feeling right now, so you just shrugged and gave a small weary smile. “nah, he’s just an ass. I’m just tired from the drive.” you lied, and Choso nodded in acceptance.

“I won’t let him ruin your fun, don’t worry.” Choso smiled softly, a gesture you couldn’t help but return as you set down your beer and rubbed your clammy palms on your pants.

“let me know who loses – I expect to find those headphones in my ears when we leave in a couple of days.” you teased, making him laugh, before you turned and made your way for the stairs.

Yuji caught your movement, shouting out at you, “y/n, you’re going to bed already?”

you paused at the bottom of the stairs, turning to give your best friend an apologetic smile. “yeah, just sleepy from the trip.”

you refused to acknowledge the fact that Sukuna was unabashedly staring you down, and you were unaware of Choso glancing between the two of you as you fidgeted with your fingers.

“if you need anything don’t hesitate to let me know.” Choso told you, making you look towards him. he offered you a smile, trying to make you feel better. “I’m right across the hall if you need me.”

oh boy, if only you knew how that made Sukuna’s blood boil.

you nodded your thanks, bidding everyone goodnight before almost rushing up the stairs. once you were behind a closed door, you let out a deep sigh of relief.

and all you had wanted was a peaceful getaway.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . taglist: @nighttwingg @sweetsformysoul @casualpoetrytaco @lvingd3adg0rl @haikomaiko @csolya @dealthypink if you'd like to be added to the taglist for this WIP let me know! ♡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

[drefear]

Hail to the King

Chapter 2: It All Comes Back to You

Summary: Miguel O’Hara is the head of the biggest mafia family in Nueva York, scaring almost all of its citizens. Except you. And that’s exactly what he needs. 

Tw: masturbating (male) hints of trauma and past abusive relationship, drinking, a lil more of possessive and creepy Miguel. 

AN: I have to say I feel like some of this might be kinda shitty because it was a bit rushed, but I also hate slow paced plots, so I guess I can’t help it. Hope you like it!

You.

The world was blurry as your eyes lost focus for a bit. Nothing seemed real. You thought you might wake up and everything would be normal again. No crazy mob bosses, no blow jobs in the office, no scheduled sex, none of it.

Who the fuck was this guy?

His life was so far from any type of common man’s that you were almost impressed. Fine pressed designer suits, women on their knees during his lunch break, meetings about hard drugs. For a building so beautifully kept and full of charming people, it sure was a mystery. Was everyone just sleeping with different people throughout the day? Were they also snorting lines off of the bathroom counter or cooking meth in the kitchen? What other dirty deeds were done in this place?

Lyla knocked on your door, saying something about setting up your new phone and calendar.

“And the blue events in the calendar are strictly private for Miguel.” She added, to which you saw that- yep. That meeting was blue. You mentally slapped yourself in the face and listened to the rest of what she had to say.

“Ok, that should be it. Your new phone is set up, and it also has the company card connected to it already, so you don’t need a physical card. Miguel set me a message about your shopping spree later, but I raised the budget he gave you to an extra ten thousand. Just in case ya really need something that might cross that line. And whatever you get, I do the paperwork so I’ll just write it up as an investment, like our donations to charity.” She shrugged and turned, blowing you a little kiss as she exited the room.

Your mind assaulted your conscious thoughts once she was gone, remembering how he looked only thirty minutes ago. Head back in ecstasy, eyes never wavering from yours as he orgasmed and slammed up into that girl's throat. You shivered from the memories and stood up abruptly, needing to move around before the warmth in your core spread and created any type of physical arousal.

Your phone buzzed, seeing Miguel’s name light up the screen. Unlocking your phone, only the words ‘Come to my office now.’ showed up and your feet began to move towards your door when you stopped.

A million thoughts danced behind your eyes and you smirked, tired of him already.

‘No.’ is all you answered before exiting your office and shutting the door loudly behind you so he knew you’d be gone. You confidently walked to the elevator and tossed your hair over your shoulder. He wanted your unfiltered thoughts? Well then, he had no idea what he signed up for.

Standing in the elevator, you saw him walk out of his office as well and make eye contact with you, making you flash back to what you’d seen earlier.

In seconds, you realized something as you stood ten feet away now. He knew you wouldn’t know about the color coded schedule. He planned that little power play. He was showing his dominance, like a dog peeing on his territory. A show of who was in charge and what you were to him. A plaything.

This split second of awareness made you even more confident in your defiance, as you saw him begin to close in on the elevator. The doors began to close and you smiled, waving to him right before they shut.

The ride to the lobby was serene, like the calm after the storm. Your day had been intense to say the least. A lot of arguing, thinking, absorbing, and borderline sexual assault on your eyes. But it wasn’t a bad day. In fact, this all gave you a thrill you didn’t know you needed.

Once on the ground floor, you walked outside and waved to a taxi, getting in once one stopped. Scrolling over the list you were given by Lyla, you stopped at one stare in particular.

“Take me to Hermès.” And you were gone.

Standing in the dressing room, the whole world felt like a scene from Pretty Woman. You twirled in tight, business dresses that you thought they only wore in movies about billionaires with red rooms. The color of your favorite so far was a lightweight white dress, but it seemed a bit much for the office, so you tucked it away and decided if you needed a sexy dress for an event, you’d pull it out.

You’d decided to go on a shopping spree on Fifth Avenue, where you’d been fired the previous day, and eat lunch right where this all had begun.

Sitting at a table, you requested Peter kindly and he made his way over in an instant. “I am so sorry, it was completely out of my control! I didn’t-“ he apologized and you just shook your head.

“It’s ok. I understand now. How about you get me a white wine and we call it water under the bridge?” You requested and he nodded, fetching it with hast. It was a great meal and once you were done, you gave Peter and Gwen both a hug.

“You know, since you technically got a huge promotion, we should celebrate! Go out tonight, get some drinks?” Gwen asked and you quickly agreed. A few drinks sounds exactly like what you needed.

Now beyond overstimulated, you made your way home with around thirty thousand dollars worth of clothing.

And when you saw a moving truck outside of your complex, you remembered that you were indeed moving.

Hours of tossing shit in boxes and taping them closed, you were packed and in the moving van on your way to your new apartment. You were still reeling with this whole world and how quickly things had spun into a web of insanity.

Leaning your head back against the side of the van, the adrenaline was starting to wear off and the reality began to sink in.

Arriving at your new place, the large men brought in the big pieces of furniture you decided to keep, which was really just your couch, bed, and coffee table. Everything else was unneeded and ugly anyway. You tried to help as much as possible, but quickly opted for carrying in boxes and garbage bags you’d packed in a rush. It was over just as quickly as it started and soon, you were sitting on your floor cross legged and staring at the boxes, then glanced at the shopping bags that were full of expensive dresses and clothing. That sounded like a lot more fun than unpacking your old sweats and knickknacks.

Pulling everything out and placing it on hangers, your eyes glanced at a specific outfit you’d chosen that’d be perfect to celebrate with Gwen tonight. Pulling on a white halter dress, you enjoyed the little bits of side boob and the way the thigh had a slit that showed more skin. The light fabric made it comfortable and easy to move in, and with a quick pair of strappy heels with sparkling rhinestones all over from Jimmy Choo, you grabbed your new Louis Vuitton purse and smiled. Maybe this job would be so terrible.

Texting Gwen, you also decided to invite Lyla and Jess. Lyla agreed to come out, whereas Jess said she didn’t have a sitter for the boys and would come out once her husband got home from work. A girls night was exactly what you needed, and everything about the feeling of hopping on the train and getting eyes from a few good looking men made you hum with pride. Ignoring all of the bullshit from the past two days, you liked Gwen a lot and she’s become someone you trusted even only knowing her for about a week. She had an authenticity about her that made you feel like she was honest and brave.

Lyla also made you laugh with how she always had something to say back. Her fun loving attitude was one you almost felt jealous of, how she seemed so relaxed. Jessica had a bad ass vibe to her, like everything she did could be documented and made into a comic or story. Like some sort of legend in the making.

You wanted to be like them in so many ways, you’d have to start taking notes and learning how they seemed to be so damn cool.

Stepping off the train and hurrying towards the club Gwen suggested, you couldn’t help but smile. You’re first time clubbing in Nueva York! It was so exciting, seeing people waiting outside of the club in a long line like in movies you’d seen. Waving to Gwen, who was already on line, you caught up with her. Her outfit fit her so well, a black shirt leather jacket over a dark silver mini dress with black tights with rips in them and black platform boots with chains down the sides. She looked like a rockstar, and that wasn’t too far from the truth. She smiled wide and grabbed your hand.

“This is going to be so much fun!” She added and you couldn’t agree more. Suddenly, you felt a hand grab yours from behind and saw a familiar pair of heart shaped glasses.

“Lyla!” Gwen cheered before you even turned around fully, all hugging together. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, how’s Mr. Grumpy pants?” The blonde asked and Lyla just rolled her eyes.

“Cranky as usual, but he comes in handy for some things. Follow me.” She pulled you both out of the line and to the front where many people were giving you all dirty looks. A security guard only took a second to look at Lyla and moved the ropes for her and you to come in, not even bothering to check your ids. You looked at Gwen in surprise and she just nodded, as if telling you to keep your cool.

The club was packed beyond belief, and a girl in a bodysuit and fishnets let you to a large booth-table with velvet black couches and a large bottle of champagne on the table. “Who did this?”

“I may have called ahead and three around Miguel’s name.” Lyla shrugged, grabbing a flute of champagne and filling it with the bubbly alcohol. She handed you each one more and tilted her glass to inspire a toast. “To our new recruit in the Spider society!” She cheersed and you blushed at the attention, Gwen whooping and hollering.  The thrum of the heavy bass and heat from the moving bodies made you almost lightheaded, enjoying the free feeling from the liquid in your cup. Another bottle was brought out once Jess arrived and the four of you swayed a bit to the beat, to which you grabbed Gwen’s hand and attempted to pull her to the dance floor. Lyla followed with Jess and you all moved, swaying your hips to the rap playing in the dim lights. The flash of Lyla’s phone camera made you cover your face a little, still smiling and not stopping your dance, swiveling in a seductive motion and feeling the heat between your legs begin to rise from the feeling of the eyes around you watching. Jess nudged you and pointed to a man at the bar, a bit taller and thin in a dress shirt. You made eye contact with the man and the temperature of your chest rose once more. You made your way over to where he was, raising a hand at the bartender as you ordered a drink. He leaned over and spoke.

“On my tab.” His voice was low, eyes catching yours once more and making you feel very aware of your surroundings. A blush creeped onto your face and you tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “I’m Harry.” He introduced himself and you returned the favor,  shaking his hand gently. Big Sean pumped around you both as you talked for what felt like an hour, light conversation giving you a feeling similar to a high. It had been a while since you’d enjoyed speaking to someone like this, chemistry and familiarity.

“Is that you?” You heard someone speak from behind you and call your name, turning to face the last person you thought would be in front of you.

“Eddie?” You gasped, fear coursing through the previously hot blood in your veins, cold as ice now from this familiar face. “How did you-”

“I heard you moved here a few weeks ago and came to visit. Nothing like a friendly face, right?” You searched around for your female friends in vain, finding no one you even recognized. He slipped his hand into yours, frozen with horror as he squeezed, something you knew was actually a warning. “How about we find somewhere to talk?”

“Actually, I’m with my coworkers, now is a bad time.” You tried to remove your hand from his and felt him unrelenting, his grip tightening. “Please, not here.” You begged, pleading with him and knowing you’d get nowhere.

“There you are!” Jess’s voice rang through as she pushed through the crowd, Lyla and Gwen behind her. “We’re about to get another bottle- who’s this?” She raised a brow questioningly at Eddie, who stepped closer with a small smile.

“I’m Eddie, nice to meet you,” He shook her hand and her eyes glanced to yours, hopefully seeing the feeling of terror you were trying to show her.

“Right,” Jess pulled you closer to her and slipped her arm into yours, “well, sorry to burst your bubble, but we’re having a girls only night, so she’ll have to talk to you another time.” Jess secured her hand around your arm and smiled, knowing exactly what you needed. Behind you, Lyla had signaled security and had them coming closer, but a voice made everyone stop moving instantly.

“Actually, I think it’s time we all go.” A deep voice said from your right and you looked up to see your boss.

“How-“ Gwen asked but was quickly cut off by the glare Miguel sent her.

“I saw the videos Lyla posted and came to celebrate as well.” From his body language, that definitely was not his true intentions, but you were left in the dark as Jess and Lyla looked extremely nervous, like they’d just got caught doing something very bad.

Gwen leg the way out as Jess and Lyla followed, to which you began to walk forward with them, but a hand grabbed your wrist once more and you came face to face with Harry, who’d been caught in the crossfire of your drama.

“When will I see you again?” He begged slightly, a small smile on his lips until Miguel stood in between you two and sneered at him a bit.

“Get your hands off my employee.” His voice was dangerous, a presence only a lion would challenge. Without letting anyone interject, he dragged you out through the crowd and into the street lights. A hoard of men in black clothing stood outside with the girls, seemingly waiting for you and Miguel. You all climbed into a black SUV where all of the seats faced each other and both Jess and Lyla hung their heads, Gwen holding your hand in concern.

“What the hell was that, Lyla?!” His voice was loud, accusatory. “Are you trying to start a fight?”

“Of course not, I just wanted to-“

“I don’t even want to hear it. And you, Jess? You should know better than anyone what that could have led to!” His tone made you coward backwards a bit, Jess unwavering in her confidence.

“Who do you think you’re speaking to like that? Lyla and I were with her and Gwen, we were perfectly safe.” She defended and Lyla nodded, Gwen looking up just as confused as you.

“What are you guys talking about?” You asked quietly and as if he just noticed you were there, his eyes were cautious. Everything was silent for a moment before he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“That nightclub is owned by another mob in Nueva, a smaller one, but it would still be a problem if anything else had happened. They would think I sent spies to their club.” He added the end as an example. You looked down as Gwen rubbed your shoulder from worry.

“I’m taking you all to a different club, one that won’t cause any unnecessary issues-“

“Actually…” you started and but your lip before continuing. “I think I just want to go home. I’m too tired to stay out.” You didn’t dare look up at anyone else, eyes trained on your shinny shoes that you were so excited about a few hours ago. How did everything keep happening so fast?

The car stopped outside of your building and you got out, followed by Miguel. He tapped the top of the car and the rest of the girls were sent home. You both walked in and onto the elevator.

“I don’t need an escort-“

“This is also my building.” He interrupted you and you finally looked up at him, watching as his eyes stayed focused on the buttons of the elevator. He tapped your floor and then the top floor. Of course he had the penthouse.

You stayed soundless, the exhaustion finally hitting you and making you drag your feet. The doors opened and you glanced at him before just walking out.

“By the way.” He spoke before you could walk too far, turning to look into his eyes for the first time that night. “Next time my office door is shut, remember to knock.” The metal doors closed and the memory of him fucking into that woman’s throat was then fresh on your mind.

Miguel’s head fell back against the metal. Lyla had posted those videos of you dancing on her account and he’d seen them when she started not answering his messages, then watching how you moved your body in that adorable white  dress. And the way it moved up your thighs while you danced-

Miguel opened his eyes as the ding of the elevator sounded that he’d reached his penthouse. Walking into his dining room, he shed himself from the suit jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt, stretching his shoulders and tossing the shirt into a hamper close to his closet. Unbuckling his belt, Miguel let out a breath of relief as he adjusted himself to be more comfortable. Sitting down on his bed, he reached for his laptop and settled under the covers. Scrolling through a few documents, he pulled up his background search of you. Your photo popped up with some of your social media. Pictures from the beach, a few from birthdays, and some family photos, you seemed completely normal.

But something was off.

Miguel knew he was intimidating, it was part of his stature that made his job a little easier. You weren’t afraid of him, you kept your ground and fought back to him.

But tonight, you had fear in your eyes when you saw that guy. What was his name again? Adam? Who knows, but he saw that slight hesitation and anxiety in you that he didn’t recognize. You were scared of that guy.

He thought back to earlier in the day when he’d saw you as he was getting his normal de-stressing from one of the girls in the lower levels, something many women around him volunteered for. She’s come up and offered sex, but he just needed a mouth to fuck.

And then you walked in with that plain outfit and sensible shoes, holding your tablet like you’d been in a rush. And he couldn’t look away. You should have been the one wrapped around his dick, he wanted to hear you gagging on him as he thrusted upwards and grunted. He wanted to cum inside your mouth, not someone random woman’s from marketing. He wanted you.

Unknowingly, his hand had traveled to his boxers and he’d begun rubbing himself to the thought of you.

All he could imagine was you mouthing off to him, and him bending you over the kitchen counter in his apartment, holding one arm behind your back as the other moved to grasp anything within reach as he took you from behind. Miguel rolled his eyes back at the thought of your warm hole welcoming him as he licked two fingers of his free hand and rubbed circles on your clit until you were practically pushing him away from the intensity of your orgasm. But no, he wouldn’t let you get away that easily, he wanted to feel it around him, so he would angle his hips a little more upward, hitting that soft spot that made you arch your back into him more and let out broken moans.

As if on cue, white ropes of his own mess hit his chest and he looked down in surprise, having forgotten what his hand had been doing. He sighed and got up to rinse himself off with a softening cock and an empty mind. The single thing on his brain when he tossed and turned in his sleep that night?

You.

Gwen’s outfit

Your outfit

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 3

[s-che]

Monsterhearts 2: Plotting Anti-Plot

Last week I had the fortune to MC (and play) Monsterhearts 2 for the first time as the Dream Library begins a unit on monsters, monstrosity, and monsterfucking which will carry us through November, and boy howdy am I glad we managed to do it. 

For those who (somehow) don’t know, Monsterhearts is a game that bills itself as being about “the messy lives of teenage monsters.” It cites Twilight, Buffy, Ginger Snaps, The Vampire Diaries, and The Craft as media touchstones, it’s not joking when it says that these monsters are 1. messy and 2. teenagers. Monsterhearts is angsty, horny, frightening and, above all else, extremely fun to play. On top of that, Monsterhearts is also one of those games that, if you’re in a certain sector of the indie RPG scene, people will remind you is extremely fun to play all the fucking time. It feels sometimes like every designer I know has a good Monsterhearts story, and as much as Avery Alder’s reputation on a larger stage has been defined by The Quiet Year, I get the sense that for people who like what Monsterhearts is doing it’s an extremely hard game to beat. 

So to be totally honest, I was more than a little anxious MCing for my first time actually playing the game. There’s a sense in which hosting a game which you know is great can be way harder than hosting games you think might be bad — after all, if the session goes poorly, there’s nobody to blame but yourself. On top of that, Monsterhearts moves through some tricky territory: underage sex is a core element of the game, and the eight “Small Towns” (short, pre-prepped settings for quick starting the game) all deal more or less explicitly with histories of racism and colonialism in communities across North America. While these are interesting places to go in play, the idea of taking them on myself as host made me shy away a little bit (and I’m excited in the next session to look at things from a player’s perspective). 

All in all, though, I think the session was a resounding success. I went in with basically no prep and as much familiarity with the book as I could get (not enough to realize the quick reference sheet we were using for the first half of the session was from Monsterhearts 1, but so it goes), relying on the game itself — which leans away from strictly organized plots and encourages you, in true PBTA fashion, to let characters and their needs bounce off each other until the conversation goes somewhere interesting — to get us smoothly into play. I would call my efforts there a mixed success: while Avery has a real skill for writing pedagogically, giving you the explicit frameworks you need to get into play (if you’ve never begun a session of The Quiet Year by reading the rules book aloud to each other, you should go fix that now), the session was hampered a little by some awkward pacing and uncertainty: partially driven by my chronic tendency to waste time on slowly establishing things in one-shots rather than swinging as hard as I can in the first five minutes and letting the players lead from there and partially by player character relationships that lead to clear, decisive actions... which left one of our players bored at work while the other two went off adventuring. We ended up taking a moment, after returning from the normal mid-session bio-break, to chat and refocus ourselves, figuring out where we wanted to go and what we wanted to see in the last hour or so of the session, and then jumping back in and — thankfully — playing hard to reach a strong conclusion. In the end, I’m not interested in tracking down exactly where the first half of our session lost its footing (although I have some ideas for how I could have hit harder as an MC). I’m more interested in celebrating the way the table was able to come together, talk explicitly about what we wanted, and get the game somewhere satisfying for everyone involved. We closed on, among other things: an underwater fight between the Fairy (Mermaid?) Queen and a Kraken-Leviathan-Hellmonster, a throuple sneaking off from a beach party to hook up, and the messy end of a South Jersey summer (complete with a tsunami and a beached whale front of the boardwalk). It was a good time. 

Most striking to me in this moment, however, is the way thinking about Monsterhearts as a plotless game positions both me as MC and the other players. It really speaks to the way that capital-T The capital-C Conversation works in Powered by the Apocalypse games (good ones, anyway) to let play flow not according to the rules of a paced narrative, but along lines of player interest and highly-charged emotional incident. It is, I think, part of what makes all the PBTA games we’ve played in the Dream Library sing (in no small part because we pruned the last unit and didn’t play any PBTA games I think are bad, but that’s a different conversation) and it suits this game — with it’s emphasis on sex and messy desire — extremely well. It also fits in nicely with a point I’ve heard a couple of people make recently: that thinking of RPGs as first and foremost collective narrative engines is, at the very least, a narrow view. 

Anyway, this week I’m fortunate enough to be joined by a new host (hi @jdragsky) so I can check out MH as a player, then we’ve got a couple of two-shots planned for the end of the month before we move on to our next monstrously intimate game: Bluebeard’s Bride. You want in on an upcoming game? Have a link. You want to hear more about Monsterhearts? One of my players wrote up some of her thoughts as well.

Otherwise, well, get out of here. Scram.

[lowtaperfeyd]

lady Jessica x fem reader fluff pleeeease preferably before arrakis but idc

Moments

Lady Jessica x reader

author's note: I did combine two requests together due to their similarities. Bare with me when it comes down to writing fluff tho...

warnings: normal dune things.

wc: 996

It wasn’t a surprise to the residents of Castle Caladan to see Lady Jessica and her lady-in-waiting, (Y/N), walking around the luscious gardens of the castle late in the afternoon. Them arm in arm strolling past yellow, red, and orange flowers blooming in the cool air of Caladan, talking incoherently. 

“Do you really think Paul is the Kwisatz Haderach?” (Y/N) questioned, knowing the plot that the sisterhood had been planning, “It’s a generation too early.”

“I do.” Lady Jessica responded, “He’s shown the signs. The reverend mother Mohiam is visiting later before we leave. She’s skeptical as well.” She added, poking a bit of fun at her partner. 

“And if he fails the test?” (Y/N) asked, “Not saying he will or not.”

“Then I would be wrong.” Lady Jessica utter quietly. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you doubt yourself about this.” (Y/N) chuckled, “and you using ‘wrong’ and ‘I’ in the same sentence. But if you are right about him, which you most definitely are, then he’ll be fine.” “That’s easier said than done.” she chortled 

“You’ve taught him everything he needs to know.” 

“That’s very kind of you to say.” Jessica said as she looked at (Y/N). 

“You’re welcome.” (Y/N) added while turning her head to look at the woman beside her. 

As they continued to walk around the garden, they spoke about what needed to be done on Arrakis, what needed to be brought, and what needed to be gotten rid of. It was rather domestic they way they mentally sorted through silverware and bits and pieces of furniture like an old married couple. Their lighthearted arguments of whether or not the ornate chess table needed to come along. 

“You cannot just leave a gift behind on a planet we’ll never go to again.” Lady Jessica declared. 

“A gift that was given almost a hundred years ago, my lady.” (Y/N) retorted, “and besides when have you or anyone here last used it?” 

  “The point still stands, maybe even more so.” 

As well as soft affection to each other too. 

Other people in the castle also noticed these interactions as well. Gurney Halleck once spotted Lady Jessica with her head on (Y/N)’s shoulder as they were furiously arguing about whether or not Paul should learn universal history or mathematics first. Lady Jessica’s augment won with the fact that Paul would one day be duke. And dukes need to know what caused several wars which spanned centuries. Duncan Idaho was privy to see them argue with each other too. He saw them in the expansive library debating Bene Gesserit tactics and plans, while their knees ever so slightly tapped each other, more than once and in while. 

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Everything changed once they got to Arrakis though. There were no afternoon walks because of the scorching sun, there were no more arguments on what should stay or go because there was nothing to leave, and there were no more soft moments spent that lingered because they didn’t have that time anymore. Only after the battle at the Arrakeen, traversing the desert to find safety, and finally meeting the Fremen would provide some form of sanctuary. 

In Sietch Tabr, (Y/N) and Jessica were in a tiny bedroom they were given. Both of them had their hair messy and tangled, eyes set back into their faces with new purple eye bags now making their appearance. (Y/N) was walking pacing around their room, back and forth like a fish in a pond back home. Lady Jessica sat on the bed with her hands gently tucked onto her lap and one leg over the other. 

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” Lady Jessica asked. 

“We all are,” (Y/N) remarked, “my tiredness doesn’t sum to the tiredness of the people and group.” As she continued pacing. 

Lady Jessica moved back onto the bed so she was sitting in the middle of it. She crossed her legs over each other. 

“Come here.” She said, “rest, even if it’s only for a minute.” 

(Y/N) stopped in her tracks. She looked over to where the red headed woman was sitting. Her features lit up by the soft, golden light that seeped through thin cracks in the rocks. Her beauty was a thing that would always be captured in (Y/N)’s mind. 

“Alright,” The woman whispered as she walked over to the bed. She sat on the bed and slid back until she could comfortably lay her head on Lady Jessica’s lap. (Y/N) took her hands and laid them on her stomach as the red head started to smooth her hand over (Y/N)’s head. 

“What do you make of some of the Fremen calling Paul the ‘Lisan Al-Gaib’?” (Y/N) commented. 

“I think it gives us an opportunity to give the people what they want and have been waiting for.” Jessica shared, “They, also, need a new reverend mother.” “Does this mean you’ll drink the water of life?” 

“I’m not sure yet,” she swallowed, “I haven’t given it much thought yet.” 

“You’ll need to go to the south, Paul will need to go too if you do decide to drink it.” (Y/N) whispered, “You’ll need to go either way after becoming reverend mother.” 

“I know.” Jessica sighed out as she continued to brush her hand over her head, “But all that can wait for tomorrow, rest.” 

(Y/N)’s eyes would soon begin to fall as they got more and more heavy. The soothing nature of Jessica touching her head made her feel calmer than she had felt in days. Her muscles slowly began to relax and her head didn’t feel as tight and weighted as before. It didn’t take long before her eyes were fully closed and she was asleep, asking in the presence of Jessica and the love that was between the two. But the last thing she felt was Jessica pressing a tiny kiss to her forehead.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

── PEREGRINE // ONE

Series Synopsis: The ways that you and Seishiro Nagi fall together and fall apart over the years.

Chapter Synopsis: You wrap up your affairs before flying over to your hometown, where your best friend will soon have his wedding.

Series Masterlist

Pairing(s): Nagi x Reader, Kira x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.2k

Content Warnings: unhealthy relationships, cheating, non-linear narrative, probably ooc, angst, nagi is endgame, kira sucks, alternate universe, original characters

A/N: you know it’s a m1ckeyb3rry fic when the main love interest doesn’t even show up for the first few chapters…also please note this is NOT THE FIRST CHAPTER of the story there is a prologue before it!! which gives a lot of necessary background so you’re not (as) confused by the plot

divider credits: @/benkeibear

“Sora,” you cooed at your cat, your torso jammed beneath the bed as you tried to pull her out. “Dearest Sora, please don’t make this so difficult.”

“I told you you should’ve gotten rid of her when you had the chance,” Ryosuke said from where he was folding clothes to put in his suitcase. “Honestly, I don’t get why you insist on keeping her around. All she does is shit in the house and make problems.”

“She uses her litter box like a good girl, and she doesn’t cause trouble on purpose,” you said. “She’s an animal, not a person. She’s not capable of malicious intent.”

“Whatever. All I’m saying is that things would be a lot easier if you had just left her at the shelter when you moved in with me,” he said.

“I’ve had her for years,” you said, finally getting a grasp on her body and yanking her out in one swift move. “She’s a part of my family. I don’t know why you’re so determined to hate her.”

“She hates me, too!” he said. True to form, Sora hissed at him as you walked past, her ears flattening to show the disdain she had always held for him. “And you always take her side. It’s like you like her more than me!”

You rolled your eyes. “She’s a cat. You’re jealous of a cat.”

And you’re the one who’s cheating, anyways. You left this second part unsaid, because it wasn’t really relevant to the conversation, and besides, you had done such a good job at maintaining the facade of normalcy in your relationship that it would be a waste to break it just because he was annoying you.

That didn’t stop you from scowling at him when his back was turned, pressing a kiss atop Sora’s head and smiling when she purred at the show of affection — or was it because you were in the kitchen and near to her container of treats on the counter that she was so pleased?

“I’m not sure what to do with you,” you admitted, scratching under her chin with one hand and opening the jar with the other, offering her half of a treat as a consolation for having ripped her so uncaringly from her hiding place. She accepted it daintily, which meant that all was forgiven, and you stroked her in appreciation.

She was an enormous, fluffy white cat, closer in size to a small dog than anything. Her eyes were a wide, endless blue, hence why you had named her Sora, and her fur felt like cotton when you ran your hands through it. You had had her for almost as long as you had been in America, and you thought that there was almost no one in the entire vapid country who you loved more.

Normally, if you and Ryosuke had to go somewhere, you’d drop Sora off at Chigiri’s. She liked him well enough, and he was typically glad for the company, so it was a mutually beneficial deal. But of course, this time, Chigiri would also be away, as he was attending the same wedding that you and Ryosuke were, which meant that you were somewhat out of luck.

Sora dangled limply in your arms like a heap of rags as you paced about the kitchen, trying and failing to come up with someone who could take care of her while you were gone. Finally giving up when you realized that Chigiri had been right, you really did need more friends, you picked up your phone and called the man in question.

“Yo,” he said, answering almost immediately, though you could hear the shower running in the background, which meant he was either about to get into the bath or had gotten out for the express purpose of answering you. Either way, you decided not to hold him up with useless pleasantries.

“Hey, Chigiri,” you said. “I heard you’re going to Reo and May’s wedding?”

“Yeah, I’m between jobs again, so it’s not like I need to take off work or anything,” he said.

“Again?” you said, your resolve to have a quick conversation shattering almost immediately. The sound of water stopped, which meant that he, too, sensed the call was probably not going to be a short one.

“Tell me about it. I can only land short-term gigs at the moment,” he said.

“Maybe you should just move away from trying to coach entirely,” you suggested. “You were a marketing major, right? You could probably go corporate.”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m that desperate yet. I’m sure something or another will come along. The issue is that no high-level team wants a coach who hasn’t played in years, but those high-level gigs are the ones that are much steadier in terms of pay and schedule,” he said.

“I’d want you as a coach,” you said loyally. “If I was a soccer player.”

“You’d be a shitty soccer player. I don’t even think my coaching could change that fact,” he said.

“You’re so mean to me,” you said.

“Someone has to do it,” he said.

“And there I was, trying to support you,” you said. “On a more serious note, though, any team that doesn’t hire you just because of what happened back then is stupid.”

“Oh, I agree completely, but try telling them that. It’s all ‘sorry, but we want a coach that has a little more experience.’ I have experience! The only reason our school ever won games was because of me, even after I stopped being able to play myself. It’s not like that dumbass coach ever did anything for us beyond praising your peacock bastard fiancé,” he said

“Exactly,” you said, though you had no idea how true this was, as according to Ryosuke, he had been the one to carry the team to victory. The roles Chigiri might’ve had to play in their victories, if any, had always been omitted.

“Ugh, it’s fine. Like I said, I’m sure there’s some youth league that’ll take me on next season, so it’s okay. I’ll work it out, like I always do,”he said.

“Let me know if you need help at any point,” you said.

“Always,” he said.

“In the meantime, uh, I actually need your help,” you said.

“Right, I was wondering why you had called,” he said.

“The thing is that I don’t have anyone else I can leave Sora with, so I was going to pay one of my company’s interns to watch her while we’re gone,” you said.

“Aw, make sure you pick someone gentle. She’s very particular,” he said.

“You know, she is my cat,” you said.

“Just reminding you!” he said.

“I think I know who I’m going to ask already, so as long as he agrees to it, it’ll be fine,” you said.

“Okay, so what’s my place in all of this?” he said.

“Ryosuke and I have to go over a little earlier, since I’m the maid of honor, so I was wondering if you’d be alright with watching her until you have to leave?” you said.

“Why, because you don’t have to pay me?” he said.

“I can, if you want,” you said. “It’s just so she can be somewhere she’s comfortable, since she’s never met this kid before.”

“I was just joking, don’t worry about it. Drop her off whenever,” he said.

“You’re the best,” you said.

“Yup,” he agreed. “Now, I was kind of in the middle of something, so…”

“Oops, right, go enjoy your shower,” you said.

“Wait, how’d you know I was showering?”

Although there were several interns working for your company at any given time, you generally paid little attention to most of them. You were too busy with your own work and life to care about their struggles, so beyond giving them advice when they asked and helping them out when you didn’t have to go out of your way to, you didn’t interact with them much.

There was one boy, though, who had caught your eye. Something about his aloof personality and quiet demeanor reminded you of a person you had known back in high school, and you had unofficially adopted him, though you weren’t sure if he was exactly aware of this fact.

Actually, he was definitely unaware, considering the way he all but jumped out of his skin when you sat across from him in the lunchroom.

“Hey, Niko,” you said brightly. His dark hair covered his eyes, so you couldn’t read his reaction, but if you had to guess, it was probably panic. If you were in his place, that was what you’d be feeling, considering it wasn’t exactly typical of the regular employees to hang out with the students.

“Um, hello, Miss L/N,” he said, somehow managing to keep his voice level. “Am I in trouble or something?”

“No,” you said. “I just need you to do me a favor.”

He got out of his seat immediately, pulling out his phone from his pocket and opening the notes app. You furrowed your brow as he tapped his foot expectantly.

“Well? What’s your coffee order? And which shop do you want me to get it from? I accidentally went to Starbucks the other day to get a latte for the director and he freaked out about it,” he said.

“Oh! He thinks Starbucks makes their coffee too sweet, that’s probably why,” you said.

“I learned that the hard way,” he said.

“Yikes, I’m sure that was not a fun conversation,” you said. “But that’s unimportant. I don’t need coffee, and you don’t have to say yes to this or anything. I guess you can consider it to be more of a request from a friend — although I promise I will pay you!”

“Okay,” Niko said hesitantly.

“I’ll just lay it on you,” you said.

“Go ahead,” he said.

“I’m going abroad for a wedding soon, and I need someone to watch my cat,” you said. “She’s very well-behaved and friendly! Honestly, she’ll just sit with you on the couch the whole time, I’m sure. I’ll give you her food and everything, and like I said, I’ll pay you, so how about it?”

For the first time, he looked up at you, his hair falling out of his face and revealing bright, shimmering eyes. He clasped his hands together, a smile threatening to dawn upon his face, and then it was your turn to grow bewildered by the sudden switch in his personality.

“Yes!” he said. “I’d even do it for free, Miss L/N.”

“Woah, are you a cat enthusiast or something? And none of that; of course I’m going to pay, or else it’d just feel like I’m taking advantage of some poor intern,” you said.

“I really like them,” he said. “I’ve had one my whole life, but my house is a three hour drive from campus, so I haven’t gotten to see her much since graduating high school. I really miss hanging out with her, though, so it’ll be nice to have a cat around, even if it’s only for a little while.”

“Perfect!” you said, cheering internally at how well things had worked out. “She’ll be staying with a friend of mine, so if you’ll give me your number, I’ll send it to him so you can coordinate picking her up at some point.”

“Sure,” he said, giving you his phone so you could type his number into your own. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Hyoma Chigiri,” you said. Niko’s jaw dropped.

“Hyoma Chigiri?” he whispered. “You’re friends with him?”

“Do you know him or something?” you said, handing him his phone back. Niko shook his head.

“Not personally, but I remember reading about what happened to him,” he said. “It’s one of the reasons my parents convinced me to stop playing soccer.”

“Ah, maybe don’t mention it around him,” you said. “He’s doing fine now, but he still doesn’t like talking about it.”

“That’s understandable,” Niko said. “My lips are sealed. I just can’t believe I’m going to have Hyoma Chigiri’s number in my phone!”

“Feel free to act like a fan all you want,” you said, after the initial strangeness of meeting someone still so obsessed with Chigiri had passed. “He really appreciates it when people praise him. Though, you probably shouldn’t spam him or anything.”

“I’ll be just as responsible with his phone number as I will with your cat. Thank you for entrusting me with this, Miss L/N! I promise I won’t let you down,” he said.

“I know you won’t,” you said. “And, to be fair, it’s not really a difficult task. Just sit at home and watch TV a lot and be kind with her; if you can do that, then Sora will be perfectly content.”

“That’s what I’d do anyways,” he said.

“Great,” you said. “Now I can feel even less like I’m taking advantage of some poor intern.”

“Thank you again for your faith in me!” he said when you reached your office, bowing at you as if you were some kind of sage master that had offered him a great opportunity for personal growth.

At least he was taking it seriously. You thanked whatever deity had intervened on your behalf that you had found the one person within a ten-mile radius who would care for Sora as well as you or Chigiri would.

Unlike Ryosuke, you barely packed anything but the most basic of items. This was because you knew full well that the minute you stepped foot on Japanese soil, you would be dragged into Reo’s arms, whereupon he would force you into his car and take you shopping at the closest luxury mall — on his card, of course. He was prone to such acts when it came to you, mostly because you were one of the first true friends he had ever had, and so he tended to spoil you as if you were his baby sister or something.

“How can you be sure that Reo’s going to get you everything you need?” Ryosuke said, eyeing the suitcase you lifted into the trunk of the car. “It’s been a pretty long time since you saw him last. He’s probably matured a ton since then — I mean, he’s getting married! What kind of wife would be okay with her husband doting on some random girl?”

“For one, I’m not some random girl; I’ve known May longer than Reo has, and I’m also the one who introduced them to one another. She knows there’s nothing between us, so there would be no reason for her to not be okay with it. Secondly, I’ve been friends with Reo for so long that he’s more like a weird cousin of mine than anything. The Mikages look after their own, and it just so happens that I am, by proxy, one of them. So I can be reasonably confident that it’ll work out in that way,” you said.

“Don’t you feel bad, then?” he said. “You’re using your best friend for his money.”

“You’re so determined to find fault with our relationship,” you said. “It’s not like that. Everyone has different ways to show affection for the people they care about. It just so happens that Reo’s so wealthy that that kind of thing is his own personal manner.”

Ryosuke scoffed, pressing the button to turn on the ignition and starting the car without another word, prompting a worried mewl from Sora, whose carrier was currently on your lap. You tapped the side to remind her that you were still there with her, and she quieted at that.

“Don’t forget that we have to go to Chigiri’s first,” you said.

“Yes, yes, we’ll stop by your lover’s house,” Ryosuke said. At your surprised expression, he laughed. “What? You’re always with him or at his place. Any normal person would suspect it.”

There were a million things you could say in response, but the least-inflammatory was a repetition of the same thing you had been telling him since the day the two of you got together.

“You know I’ve never been with anyone but you,” you said.

“Of course,” he said. “I guess that’s true. No matter how many people you sleep with now, you can never change the fact that I was the first.”

“Hm,” you said, staring out of the window and speaking to his reflection instead of facing him properly. “Don’t be crude.”

“Come on, it’s just us two. When else can we make these kinds of jokes?” he said.

“You didn’t seem like you were joking,” you noted.

“Y/N, I’m hurt. You thought I was being serious? I mean, did you really think that I believed for a second that anyone preferred that washed up princess’s company to mine?” he said, stalling the car in the driveway and grinning. “Tell him I said hi.”

“You and I both know that’ll accomplish nothing,” you said, slinging the bag of Sora’s things over your shoulder and gripping the handle of her carrier so tightly that your knuckles whitened. “I’ll be back soon. No point in missing our flight.”

“I’ll be here,” Ryosuke said, waving at you as he began to fiddle with the knobs on the car’s dashboard, evidently trying to decide whether he wanted the radio to play classical music or the latest episode of some talk show.

You rang the doorbell and then stepped back, knowing it might take Chigiri a second to get to the door depending on where in the house he was located. Luckily, he had been expecting your arrival, so by the time your arm began to grow numb from holding Sora’s carrier, he was opening the door and inviting you in.

“Thank you again for doing this,” you said, setting the carrier down with a thump and massaging your shoulder. Chigiri crouched gingerly, unzipping the opening to the carrier and allowing Sora to peek her head out. When she realized where she was, she bounded out, rubbing her head against Chigiri’s legs as he breathed out a laugh and rubbed her face with his hands.

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “It’s nice having someone else in the house. Less lonely.”

Your face softened, and if it weren’t for Ryosuke’s presence looming in the driveway, you’d have leaned over and hugged him. But as it was, your fiancé was waiting, and if you lingered for much longer, you risked missing your flight.

“You have Niko’s number?” you said.

“Yeah. He’s kind of a weird kid,” Chigiri said.

“What do you mean?” you said.

“He keeps telling me that he thinks I’m cool and that he can’t believe he’s texting me,” Chigiri said, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. “So strange.”

At this, you smiled, vowing to text Niko and thank him later. His admiration was exactly the boost Chigiri needed when he was so down on his luck, and though he was pretending like he found it odd, it was obvious he was pleased by the attention.

“As long as he can take care of Sora,” you said. Chigiri nodded in determination.

“I’m sure he can. He obviously has good taste in other things, so it stands to reason that he’d be the kind of person who could really look out for her in the way she’s used to,” he said.

“You would be the first to die in a horror movie,” you said. “Did you know that?”

“What? Why would you say such a thing?” he said.

“Never mind,” you said. “I should go. Ryosuke’s in the car, and our flight is soon.”

Chigiri wrinkled his nose, his whole delicate face crumpling at the mention of your fiancé.

“I thought something felt off about the property,” he said.

“You are so dramatic,” you said. “He says hi.”

“Tell him I said fuck off,” Chigiri said.

“I don’t think — actually, sure,” you said. “I’ll do that. See you at the wedding. And Sora, please be a good girl for Chigiri and Niko alike.”

“She will be,” Chigiri said affectionately. Sora had wriggled her way into his arms, and he stood while hugging her to his chest, ready to shut the door behind you. “See you, Y/N.”

You were reluctant to leave, because it would be so easy to stay and talk with Chigiri while playing with Sora, but you knew you had to. Even that knowledge, though, was hardly enough — it was simply the thought of seeing Reo and May again that made you take the next step, and the next, all of the way until you were back in the passenger seat of the car and Ryosuke was reversing the car down the driveway.

“So, how is my beloved teammate?” Ryosuke said. “Did he leave you with a message for me?”

“Yes,” you said. “He told me to tell you to fuck off.”

Ryosuke chuckled. “Sounds about right. He’s always been a petty son of a—”

“Ryosuke,” you sighed. “Do you really get any gain out of insulting the only friend I have left in this country?”

“It’s the same gain he gets out of insulting your fiancé!” he said.

“Which I always reprimand him for,” you said. “And also, he at least has something resembling a reason to resent you. When you do it, it just feels excessive.”

“You defend me to him?” he said.

“Obviously?” you said. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“I suddenly feel very cheerful and optimistic,” he observed.

“What are you talking about?” you said. He waved you off.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It was a personal musing. Think of it like an interjection from the narrator, except that in this case, the narrator and the protagonist are the same.”

“Okay,” you said. “Sure. If that’s what makes sense to you.”

The two of you spent the rest of the drive to the airport in relative silence. Ryosuke hummed along to whatever pop song came on the radio, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he drove, and you texted your friends — mostly Reo and May, who had been anxiously waiting for your arrival since you had agreed to come at all.

When you had first started dating, you used to go on aimless drives for hours, talking about whatever crossed your mind. Not a second would go by without one of you speaking, but that kind of constant conversation wasn’t sustainable. Eventually, you both ran out of things to say, and so you began to spend more and more of your time together in silence. That was around the time that Ryosuke began to seek outside assistance in quelling the fire which was constantly blazing within him; whether it was a coincidence or a cause, you could not tell, but it remained that everything had happened at once and led to your relationship now being like this.

You always forgot how long the flight back to Japan was. It was the second reason you never visited, beyond the fact that there was hardly anything worth visiting in the first place — it was a day-long ordeal composed of arguing with the TSA agents, waiting in security lines, and of course the flight itself, which was only marginally bearable because Reo insisted on buying you first-class tickets.

You spent most of it dozing, the armrest between you and Ryosuke pushed up so you could lean your head against his chest as he watched a movie. In the haze of your sleep, you could feel his arm wrapping around your shoulders, his fingers idly stroking your cheek as if that were the natural outcome, as if there was no other place that they could come to rest. It was the easiest that things had ever been between you in some time, and subconsciously, you relished in it, in the soft scent of his cologne, in the warmth of pretending like you were loved by someone again.

Reo had told you, in no uncertain terms, to not even attempt going to the baggage claim. He had contacts in the airport who would take care of it, because of course he did, and so the only thing you and Ryosuke had to do was meet him and May at the gate. You stopped in the bathroom, mostly at your insistence, so that you could freshen yourself after the long flight, which had sapped you of most of your energy despite how much of it you had spent sleeping.

“Are you nervous?” Ryosuke said as you reached the door. He held both of your carry-on bags in his hands, an amused grin on his face as you all but vibrated with every step you took.

“Of course,” you said. “I haven’t seen them in so long, and I haven’t been back home in that same amount of time. I don’t know how it’s all changed. And what if it hasn’t? What if the only one who’s changed is me?”

“Only one way to find out,” he said, nudging you in the side. “Look who it is.”

Standing awkwardly by the metal barrier separating the airport from the street in front of it, surrounded by security guards that kept the rest of the crowds at bay, was Reo Mikage. He wore a pair of khaki shorts and a polo, sunglasses perched on his head as he checked the time on the — likely expensive — watch which he wore on his left wrist.

A grin split your face, your spirit rejuvenated as surely as if you had never been exhausted in the first place. Cupping your hands around your mouth to amplify your voice, you shouted out his name with glee.

“Reo!”

The boredom dropped from his expression immediately as his head snapped up, trying to determine the source of the noise. When he locked eyes with you, he beamed so brightly that you were all but blinded by it, and then you were both racing towards the opening in the barricade where you could finally meet.

You tossed your arms around his neck as soon as you could reach him, clinging onto him tightly, suddenly and unreasonably weepy at the fact that the two of you had finally been reunited. He did the same, squeezing you to the point that you thought you might burst from the pressure.

“I can’t believe you’re finally back,” he said, letting you go and holding you at an arm’s length so that he could look you over with a critical eye. “How have you been?”

“Good,” you said. “Where’s May?”

“She had to go to the bathroom,” he said. “She should be back in a couple of seconds, and she’ll probably be furious, too, considering she was really hoping she’d spot you first. I convinced her that it would be fine for her to take a moment to herself, and that it’d probably still be a bit of time before you arrived, but, uh, I guess it ended up being kind of an unfortunate coincidence in that sense.”

“What’s up, man? Congrats on the wedding,” Ryosuke said, finally catching up to you and offering Reo his hand. Reo glanced at it, and anyone who didn’t know him as well as you did wouldn’t have even noticed the way he hesitated before taking it and shaking it with the firm conviction of a businessman.

“Thanks, Kira,” he said. “You’ve been taking care of my best friend?”

“’Course I have been,” Ryosuke said, ruffling your hair. You did your best to force a laugh, not wanting Reo to have to concern himself with your wellbeing when he was about to be married. “You’ll be the one coming back to America for our wedding soon.”

“That so?” Reo said, raising an eyebrow at you. “I expect to be the first one invited to the wedding, then.”

“Was I the first one invited to yours?” you shot back.

“Er, I mean, not exactly…” Reo said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had to tell Nagi first, since I wanted him to be my best man and had to give him adequate time to prepare for the hassle of the role.”

“Then I’ll invite May first, since she’ll naturally be my maid of honor,” you said, your stomach twisting at the mention of Nagi. “But you can be second, Reo.”

“That’s right!” a new voice said. “He had better be second, considering he sent me to the bathroom so that he could win our bet!”

And then there she was in front of you: Reo’s soon-to-be wife and your former roommate, May Ducat. Her thick brown hair was loose and wavy around her shoulders, and her peacock-feather eyes gleamed as she embraced you tightly.

“May,” you said. “It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you!” she said. “I miss you every day. Mostly because you were a much better roommate than this one. He snores.”

“Hey!” Reo said, gasping in offense. “I do not.”

You dug around in your pocket before solemnly presenting her with a box of breathe-right strips.

“I know,” you said. May clapped in delight, accepting them and then turning to hand them to Reo, who took them even as he protested that he definitely didn’t need them and how would Y/N even know if I snore, anyways?

“Congratulations, May,” Ryosuke said, offering her his hand as well. May glanced at but did not accept it, opting to smile frigidly instead.

“Thank you for coming,” she said. After a discomfiting pause, Ryosuke lowered his hand, brushing it off against his pants and clearing his throat.

“I couldn’t let Y/N come alone,” he said.

“Of course not,” she said.

“It’ll be my first time meeting her parents,” he said. At this, May gave you a sad look. Though you had never told her much, she had always harbored her suspicions, always been less fond of Ryosuke than she really ought to be, considering he was typically polite to her.

“I hope it goes well,” she said. Ever the diplomat, Reo was the first to break the ensuing silence, clearing his throat.

“Alright, then! I’ll have one of my drivers take you two to your hotel room, where your things will be waiting, and then tonight, we can show you around. Y/N, they just built a new mall where that park used to be, so we can go shopping there,” he said.

“They built a mall over the park?” you said, your eyes widening at the prospect. Reo nodded.

“Isn’t it great? It’s so much more convenient than the one we used to go to,” he said. You disguised your frown with a yawn.

“Right,” you said.

“Try not to sleep,” May advised. “It’ll help you break your jet lag if you just stay up for as long as you can.”

“We’ll do our best,” Ryosuke said. May gave him a measured look before nodding slightly, turning away to continue her conversation with Reo instead of risking further discussion with your fiancé.

The hotel you were staying in was only a few streets down from your childhood home, and as with all things Reo, it was excessively opulent. The shower itself was large enough to fit at least ten people, and you spent far longer in it than was really necessary, rinsing the grime of your journey off of yourself.

“Going to sleep already?” Ryosuke said when you crawled under the covers of the bed beside him. “May recommended we wait.”

“I know,” you said with a yawn. “I’m just going to lie down and close my eyes. I’m not actually going to sleep or anything.”

“Whatever you say,” he said, patting you on the head. “I’ll do the same, then.”

Before long, the both of you had passed out.

[quinacridonered]

Rings of Power Recap - Season 2, Episode 6

Orc #1: All I wanted was to settle quietly in a suburb of Mordor.

Orc #2: You still can. 

Orc #3: Put a downpayment on an ox… 

Orc #1: Get a warg puppy for the wee ones…

Arondir: Nope.

—

Passing Mouse: You look like you’ve been subsisting on pizza, but apparently it’s all scrap metal?

Assistants: Good point. Lord Celebrimbor?

Celebrimbor: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow… Creeps at this petty pace from day to day…

Mirdania: Shall we order some pizza, my lord?

Celebrimbor: Who the fuck are you?

Sauron: Perhaps you should stop spending the food budget on Red Bull and vodka.

—

Eregion Citizens: Lord Celebrimbor!

Sauron: I’m taking over. What’s up, citizens?

City Guards: The only inbound traffic has been dead bodies covered in foreign graffiti.

Sauron: All is well. You are getting very sleepy. 

Mirdania: I don’t feel sleepy. Your new dress is making me very awake indeed.

Sauron: Don’t worry, we’ll get you one just like it.

—

Orc Daddy: We both love-hate Sauron. Friends forever?

Galadriel: You are the only one who understands.

Orc Daddy: Look, I got you fresh produce and everything.

Galadriel: Aw. You’re really trying.

Orc Daddy: What’s new in your world?

Galadriel: *full disclosure of elven state secrets*

Orc Daddy: You know how Sauron makes you feel seen and understood, and then you give him what he wants, and then he totally fucks you over?

Galadriel: Uh-huh…

Orc Daddy: I did mention he was my leader and teacher for centuries, right?

Galadriel: What’s Black Speech for “fuck my life”?

—

Elendil: Traitor!

Pharazon: Takes one to know one.

Elendil: The Valar will show who’s right.

Pharazon: Brilliant idea. 

—

Homeless Wizard: What episode is it?

Tom Bombadil: Episode 6, why?

Homeless Wizard: Does time flow differently in Rhûn? My plot feels like it hasn’t moved in months.

Tom Bombadil: Fine. Here’s the next bit. Betray your friends or doom the world.

Homeless Wizard: Suddenly I miss when you were just forcing me to bathe.

—

Poppy’s Love Life: *occurs*

—

King Durin: Look who’s here!

Prince Durin: Annatar. You look… asymmetrical.

Sauron: What can I give you for more mithril? Timber? Grain? Eregion’s finest virgins every full moon?

Prince Durin: I need a shower just talking to you.

King Durin: I am knee deep in all the virgins I could possibly want.

Balrog, via Fire Zoom Call: Cousin! Missed ya, where you been?

Sauron:  Spent a millennium as evil goo. Not my best moment.

Balrog: Sworn enemies?

Sauron: Disloyal minions.

Balrog: Gets you every time.

King Durin: *taking notes* Watch out… for disloyal… minions…

—

Disa: Is he still…

Prince Durin: He’s worse.

Disa: I hear the League of Disloyal Minions is looking for new members.

Prince Durin: He’s my Dad. I can’t do it.

Disa: Who do you fear more, me or him?

Prince Durin: Tough call, but frankly, you.

—

Pharazon: We’re gonna feed you to the Sea Wyrm. 

Elendil: I’ll take that over your company.

Miriel: Over my dead body. I mean it literally.

Guards: Incoming!

Eldritch Marine Horror: I’m hangry.

Miriel: I am the rightful monarch of Numenor.

Eldritch Marine Horror: For fuck’s sake. This used to be a normal ocean. Now it’s crawling with the cosmically significant. Is there at least a fish and chips?

Pharazon: We can hook you up with some gumbo.

Crowd: MI-RI-EL!

Giant Eagle: My god, they are fickle here.

—

Eregion Citizens: Oh shit. Orcs. Many.

Sauron: Celebrimbor! Chop fucking chop! I can’t move this whole forge into a trebuchet projectile shelter now, can I? You wanted the world’s tallest tower and now you work in the world’s easiest target!

Celebrimbor: This is the point in our relationship where I normalise physical violence.

Sauron: Baby, I thought you’d never ask.

—

Hallucinatory Eregion Citizens: What a fine sunny day we are having in the middle of the night. 

Clock tower: *strikes thirteen*

Sauron: Asking nicely for the last time: make the fucking rings. Here’s your grandpa’s hammer. Go get ‘em, tiger, etc.

Celebrimbor: Rings… Gotta make some rings…

Sauron: Servants! New case of Red Bull and some Zero Age tequila! Let's party like it's 1999!

[makeadealwithdean]

Don't Take It Easy - s.h.

(Steve Harrington x afab!reader) written for @steveharringtonbingo (B2 Free Space)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1196

Tags/Warnings: nsfw, steve harrington x afab!reader, smut, p in v sex, spit kink, light degredation, light dacryphilia

Summary: It's literally just porn, absolutely no plot whatsoever. Shameless smut with Steve.

AO3 // Masterlist

“C’mon, Stevie, please!” your tone was growing more and more desperate as you begged the boy hovering above you. “Just… do it already!” 

Steve chuckled darkly, a smirk growing across his normally kind face. “What was that, honey? I know you’re not rushing me, are you?”

“Noooo,” you sighed begrudgingly, lying to him straight through your teeth because you were, in fact, rushing him. You squirmed under him, and his forearm crept across your throat, not pressing down yet, just there as a reminder to be still. 

You stopped squirming. 

You felt his other hand guide his tip to brush against your entrance once again, and you couldn’t help but let out a pitiful whine at his touch. You gave him your best sad eyes, but Steve only returned mocking sad eyes of his own. 

“Aw, what’s wrong, darlin’?” he quipped. “You aching for me or something?” His fingers brushed against your slick entrance as he spoke, “This hole feelin’ empty?”

“Yes—” you panted, “yes, sir. Please.”

“Please what?” Steve purred, smirking down at you. Fuck, he wanted you to beg, and you knew it. 

“Fuck me, please, Stevie,” you practically cried, giving in, because you know how much he loves when you get desperate. “Need you to fill me up, baby, please?”

He groaned at your words, his head tipping backwards as he sat back on his heels in between your parted thighs. 

Steve dragged his fingers down the inside of your sensitive thigh and aligned himself at your weeping entrance. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m gonna do you right.”

Your breathing quickened, and you couldn’t help but whimper as you felt his tip slowly stretch your walls. “Yes!” you panted, “yes, feels so good, Steve— god, you’re fucking huge—”

“That’s it, sweet girl,” he praised as you took everything he gave you. His cock was, in fact, massive (and he liked hearing about it too), and still, you took it so perfectly every time. “S’like you were made for me, baby. That pussy’s so tight. Squeezin’ me so good.”

Finally, his hips were flush with yours, and like always, he stilled for a bit to allow you to adjust to the feeling of him inside you. But you didn’t want the extra time. 

“C’monnn,” you whined, rocking your hips up and down. “Move, please, m’ready—”

Steve tutted, smiling and hushing you softly, but his hips began to move. He thrusted in and out, but it wasn’t enough. 

“Faster, Stevie,” you breathed. “Please, go faster?”

“Ask me correctly, darling, and we’ll see,” Steve chided. “You’re not being very good right now.” He cocked one eyebrow up, eyeing you skeptically as his hips kept that same, agonizingly slow pace. 

He wanted you to beg. 

You weren’t about to argue. His cock felt so good that, in this moment, he could have whatever he wanted from you, especially with that heat beginning to swell in your belly. Abandoning any remaining dignity, you took a breath and gave him your best pleading eyes.

“Please, please fuck me hard, sir! That’s all I want, that dick feels so so good. Just want you to fuck me dumb, please, Stevie. Just wanna feel you tomorrow! Fuck me till I cry, I’ll be so good, I swear—”

Steve surged forward at your words and cut off your rambling with a searing kiss. You must’ve begged properly because while his tongue begged for entrance at your lips, his hips snapped forward hard.  

You gasped at the impact of his skin against yours, and he took advantage of your pleasure to slip his tongue inside, quickly taking control of your mouth, and you gladly let him. You loved when his natural dominance won out over his usual sweet demeanor. God, the effect it had on you was unlike anything else.

Steve groaned, falling into a rhythm that took your breath away with each forceful thrust of his hips. His forehead was coated in a thin layer of sweat, and a few strands of his usually perfectly-styled hair clung there, glistening with moisture. His rough breathing in your ear was so fucking sensual, you thought you might lose your goddamn mind. 

“You getting close, baby?” he rasped, his breath brushing through your hair. “I know you are. Bet you wanna fuckin’ come so bad, hmm?” 

He was right. You’d been able to feel the familiar tightness in your core for some time, and now that he was finally touching you, giving you what you’d begged for, that feeling was only growing.

You nodded desperately, a pitiful whine escaping your lips in the best answer your brain could formulate at this particular moment, but Steve merely chuckled, almost cruelly, once again smirking at how easily he could take you apart with only the slightest effort. 

“Well, you’re not gonna. Not yet, honey,” he smiled. “You asked me to fuck you dumb, didn’t you? Poor thing can’t even handle the thing she begs for— that’s too bad, isn’t it? You gonna cry for me, sweetheart?”

Steve poked out his lower lip at you mockingly, mimicking your expression, and only then did you realize the tears welling in the corners of your eyes. 

“Shit,” you cried as they started making their way down your soft cheeks from the brutal force of Steve’s pelvis. His hips were slapping against your ass loudly now, and you didn’t know how much longer you’d be able to last. “Sir, can I— fuck, can I please come? I need to, please! Not gonna be able to hold it much longer. Please?”

“What did I just say to you?” Steve spat, that cocky smirk still gracing his pretty face. “My naughty girl wants to do the exact thing I just told her not to— Is that it? Fucking slut for me, aren’t you?”

His hand grasped your jaw firmly, shaking it once harshly. “Open,” Steve commanded, and your jaw dropped immediately. Paying no mind to the tears streaking down your cheeks, he spat directly onto your waiting tongue. 

He closed your mouth with his thumb on your chin, “Swallow it.”

You obeyed instantly, your throat bobbing, and Steve smiled wickedly, “Atta girl, that’s my good fucking slut. You still wanna come?” 

You nodded tearfully, just barely whispering, “Please.”

You could feel Steve’s cock twitching even as he continued to fuck into you, so you knew he was probably closer than he was letting on. Your suspicion was confirmed when Steve nodded curtly, “Fuck, come then. Now.”

At the harshness of his words, the coil inside of you snapped, and whiteness flashed across your vision. You came with a gasping sob, just barely able to make out the moan Steve let out when your walls clenched around him. The pulses of your climax pushed him over the edge, and he came inside you— the twitching of his cock only prolonging your pleasure.

Your body relaxed finally into the mattress, exhausted, and Steve rested his damp forehead briefly on yours before rolling off to lay beside you. He was still panting softly when he turned to meet your tired gaze and press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“So…” he smiled almost shyly. “How was that?”

a/n: thank you for reading! this is the first thing i've written in months, so any feedback/motivation is extremely welcome!

tags (if you're crossed out, i couldn't tag you!):

forevers: @hintsofhoney @deanwanddamons @katelyn--renee @lassie-bird @jensengirl83 @superfanficnatural @wayward-dreamer @that-one-gay-girl @writercole @flamencodiva

stranger things: @lukearsehemmings @mooffinsstories @rosecentury

steve harrington: @hcloangcls @dixontardis @b-e-e-04

[shelby-fangirl00]

Lie To Me-part three-(Irene (OC) x John Shelby x Tommy Shelby)

Hiiii! I’m super excited about this part tehehehee MINORS DNI!!!

Warnings: threesome, swearing, little plot, ass play

“John, I don’t understand where this is coming from. Isn’t this what you wanted?” I pleaded with him.

“Y-yes but I…fuck it, I don’t know alright? You just should’ve stayed home tonight.” He mumbled all of this out while picking up his coat and flapping it over his shoulders. He anxiously slicked his hair back in place. Those big brown eyes were glued to the floorboards.

I looked at Tommy, who was now sitting at the end of the bed, studying Johns demeanor suspiciously. His eyebrows creased as he tilted his head.

“John, just talk to me? It’s not fair to leave things like this.”

“Not fair? I just let my brother fuck your brains out, love.” His voice turned colder.

I could see the anger spreading from his shoulders and up his neck. He was so rigid when angry. I didn’t want him to leave, I wanted both of them to stay.

Without thinking, I walked over to John, reaching to the the scattered freckles sitting on his cheeks. He sucked in a harsh breath, looking at the floor.

“John, look at me…please.” I cupped his full cheeks in my hands and squished them together.

“I want you to stay, John, both of you. We can talk.” You said, holding his tough hands and squeezing as he stood unmoving.

After a few painstakingly long seconds of staring daggers at me, I stood up on my tippy toes, wrapping my hand around the back of his shaven head as I whispered “Please John? Talk to me.”

His shoulders finally relaxed as he let out the sigh sitting in his chest.

“I don’t have the right to be pissed off, I know that. I was fine at first, it was normal. But then you started laughing and whispering a-and…-

“Please stop worrying John. I was having fun, like I’m sure both of you have with other women. Us ladies can do that too, ya know. We’re not together, John. Don’t take’it all so seriously.” I smiled up at him, watching as his eyes softened and his hands rested on my waist all while I talked. He just needed the reassurance.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, love.” Tommy said, coming up behind me, smooshing me in between the both of them. My pulse quickened instantly as his rough hands worked at my shoulders.

John rolled his eyes, as Tommy silently started a competition with him.

“Yeah yeah sure. As long as you don’t fall madly in love.”

“He tends to have that affect on women around here, doesn’t he?” All three of us giggled at this. As quickly as the room had become tense, it vanished again.

“Let me make you feel good John.” I untied my robe slowly and let it fall to the ground. I sank to my knees in front of him, his eyes full of awe.

Tommy stood behind me, petting my hair and balling it into his fist.

I loosened Johns pants, slowly running my hands over his clothed cock, making it twitch and harden within seconds. I smiled up at him, pulling his cock free and fisting it in my hand like I’d done a thousand time before. His head fell back in ecstasy, a familiar sigh leaving his throat.

Both Tommy and John never took their eyes off me as his cock disappeared into my mouth. I teased him a bit, swirling my tongue around his sensitive head, making him bite his lip into his mouth.

Tommy was holding a fistful of my hair into his hand. I slid John further and further into my mouth, letting my tongue graze the underside of his cock. I must’ve been moving too slow, because Tommy’s forceful hand started moving my head ever further down onto John’s cock. I tried to relax my throat as much as possible to fit him all in.

The strong hand in my hair pulled me back just to push me forward again, causing me to me gag as he controlled the pace now.

“Just like that love, keep going..” John said, not making it easy for me. Tommy never stopped moving my head as John began to meet me thrust for thrust with his hips. The irritation on my lips from the repetitive motions made me whimper. I tried to breath through my nose. As rough as all this was, i loved being sandwiched between these two. I felt so powerful surrounded by them.

“Very good, love. He’s almost there, just a little bit longer.” Tommy said as he lowered down to my level from behind me, pressing his plump lips into my neck and leaving a trail of wet kissing down my back. I moaned loudly, sending vibrations through John.

“God, I never get tired of seeing you like this.” John moaned out, placing his hands on top of my head, holding himself up.

Tommy’s hands snaked around my stomach and slowly trailed down to my pussy that was throbbing in pain at this point. I needed to be touched so badly.

“Open your legs.” Tommy growled into my ear. I opened them up to let Tommy feel how soaked i still was.

His two fingers ran down the slit of my pussy, gathering the slickness into his hands before moving back to my clit, rubbing small tight circles into me at an achingly slow pace.

John finally pulled free from my mouth, panting as he balanced himself on a chair behind him.

He took a minute to watch how my body reacted to Tommy. I let myself sink back into Tommy, leaning into his chest as he never stopped his punishing movements.

Wanting to make sure that John felt secure on all of this, I held my hand out to him, cooing him to come over to me.

As he walked over, he began to shed all of the clothes he had put on before back off. I pulled him down to become level with me before speaking.

“Will you fuck me, John? I need you inside of me.” I said in an innocent tone, making his whole body shudder.

“I need you to come first for us, Irene. Then I’ll fuck you all over this place.” Making it harder and harder to hold back the building orgasm from Tommy’s fingers, John reached out to pinch my perky nipples with his fingers. He squeezed and tugged on them, sending more jolts of pleasure through my core.

I stared into him as I started to come undone.

“Fuck!” I yelled out as I let the orgasm wash over me,never looking away from John. He pressed his lips into mine as I came loudly while resting on Tommy’s chest. John ate every whimper and moan I let out as I came down.

“Get into bed, on your hands and knees.” He commanded, a darkness coated his voice as he regained his confidence. You smiled, turning submissive for them both.

I did as I was told, watching as Tommy undressed again and rested naked on his knees in front of me. I felt the bed sink down as John approached my rear. His hands smoothed the curve of my arched back, making me stick my ass out further. I needed to be filled up by him.

“Needy, are we?” Tommy chuckled from in front of me as he lined up his own cock with my mouth.

“Always for you two.” I said before he shoved his cock down my throat without warning. Just as he did so, John shoved his dick in me, making me jolt forward. This caused me to gag onto Tommy. Both of their thrusts were aggressive and dominant, like it was some sort of competition between the two of them. I loved it though, I wanted John to claim me, show me who my pussy belonged to first. Giving me what I was always craving from him.

John grabbed fistfuls of my hips as he thrusted harshly into me. Every time he did so, it pushed me further and further onto Tommy’s cock. We all found a steady motion of back and forth that made my pussy clench around John.

I couldn’t speak or really breath, saliva slid down my chin, dribbling down my neck as I had no control over my body now. I was being used by the Shelby Brothers and I loved every second of it.

John’s hand sent a firm smack to my ass, making me moan onto Tommy. His spankings were harsh as he fucked me through the pain of it all.

One of these days, you’ll be able to take both of us at once. How does that sound love, hm?”John grunted from behind me as he let his thumb rub my asshole lightly. At the new contact, my body tensed up everywhere, making both Tommy and John chuckle.

Tommy leaned down, with his dick still shoved down my throat, whispering, “relax love, I promise it’ll feel good.”

His voice was like fucking magic, as you forced yourself to relax again. John kept thrusting into you, letting his thumb lightly circle your asshole again. The new sensation was strange at first, but the more relaxed I became and the quicker his circles got, the more I found myself pressing my ass into his finger.

“I think she already likes it, Tommy. What do you think?” He laughed out.

“Go easy on her tonight John.” He said, panting as i could tell he was fighting not to come down my throat yet.

“How does this feel?” He said right after he slowly stuck the tip of his thumb into your tight asshole.

I sucked Tommy tight into my mouth from the sensation. That single motion caused Tommy to come down my throat with no warning. Eagerly, i swallowed each drip of his hot liquid down, licking around before he popped out of mymouth.

“Too much for ya, Tommy?” John joked as he still thrusted into me, his thumb now fully pushed into my ass. Feeling a sense of control now that i could talk and breath, I let my head fall onto the bed sheet as I stuck my ass up in the air. I didn’t expect for this to feel so good.

“Fuck, I feel so full!’ I half yelled half moaned.

He started to move his thumb slowly in and out of me, prepping my ass to take two massive cocks. My body twisted and turned in a weird way, making John hum in satisfaction.

“Tell me how it feels, Irene.” I heard Tommy’s voice from behind me as well now. The both of them were watching the back of my body move and twist.

“It feels fucking amazing, please don’t stop.” I squeaked out.

Suddenly, John removed his thumb but I was quickly filled with a much bigger and forceful thumb.

‘You like that? You like me and my brother fucking both your tight holes?” John growled out. John had replaced his thumb with Tommy’s as they both fucked me senseless. Tommy’s finger made me feel even fuller than before. He didn’t hesitate to rub and tease me before pushing past the tight barrier and stretching me out.

“Fuck, I’m so close.” John whimpered from behind me, making me fuck myself back into them.

With a few more sloppy thrusts, I felt John’s cum shoot inside of me before leaking out when he pulled himself out of me. Tommy pulled his thumb from my ass hesitantly, not wanting to stop.

My body felt weaker than ever before. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to have more than a finger in my ass. I was so full already.

I fell to my stomach and turned around to face them. They were both looking down at me on their knees still. I smiled up at them, feeling completely satisfied now.

“You’re something else, Irene.” Tommy laughed before leaning down to peck my lips. Not even attempting to dress himself, he laid down beside me in the bed. John leaned down to kiss me next, except he attacked me in a mountain of kissed on my face, making me giggle and push him away playfully. He plopped down on the other side of me.

Tommy pulled me to face him, wrapping his hands around my waist.

“Hey, no fair! You got to stare at her pretty face the whole time!” John said before grabbing me forcefully out of Tommy arms and turning me to face him.

I giggled lightly at their playful banter, snuggling to John’s bare chest.

“Fine. But I get her next time.” Tommy said as he snuggled into my back, placing his head on my shoulder. I loved feeling their bare skin against my own.

Not another word was said the rest of the night as all three of us dozed off, together. I hoped this didn’t end as quickly as it started.

Next part coming soon!

Taglist:

@lyarr24

@forgottenpeakywriter

@casa-boiardi

@tigernach575

@crabat-the-queen

@adaydreamaway08

@trixie23

@star017

@esquivelbianca

@thenattitude

@mrkdvidal1989

@powellsaturn

@babayaga67

[stonedmhababe]

Ayooo

If you’re doing requests what about

Dilf!Older!Eijirou x Bimbo!Reader

(( reader doesn’t need to be a complete or typical ditzy personality but similar/sum characteristics ))

NSFW — daddy, dom/sub, choking, biting, slight bondage

Halloweenie Setting — the plot is up to you !

— 🧿 anon

I have never wrote NSFW so hopefully you like it and it’s not horrible 😅

18+ MDNI age gap! Daddy dom! Choking, biting.

He couldn’t get enough of her, the way her eyes shined like he hung the stars and moon her every night and swapped them with the sun every morning. The way she looked at him like he had the universe in his hand but it’s only because she’s so easily forgetting things, she needs him. She couldn’t survive without him, that cute little head on her shoulders always believing what others say to her, never questioning anyone’s true intentions. She was smart in her own way just not about the things that would keep her safe that’s why he was her hero. Eijiro kirishma had just turned 37, he didn’t think he’d find anyone to settle down with all his friends were having kids or had kids and were married then there’s him the fun uncle that over time developed a slight stocky dad bod while still maintaining his muscle, this gorgeous giant man felt like he was missing something in life. Then he met you, a 21 year old all on her own looking lost while trying to find the store, being red riot the manliest of hero’s he had to stop an help even if he was already off the clock.

“Hi little lady are you lost? Is there anything I can help you with?” Kirishma ask as he slowly gently approaches her making sure not to scare or startle her.

She looks up at him with these big eyes and happy bright smile, one that almost matches his. “Uhhh yea I think I’m lost, I was supposed to be going to the store but I have no idea where I am.” She giggles while clasping her hands together, making her breast pop out of tank top even more then they are seemingly like she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

“That’s alright sweetheart I can help you find your way if you’d like, my shift is over so I was just heading home to get ready for a Halloween party but I don’t mind helping you first.” He smiles brightly “what store were you looking for hun?” He ask while trying to to be respectful and not stare at her cleavage but he can’t help that he’s secretly a closeted pervert.

Y/n smiles at kirishma even more and bounces up down not having the slightest clue what she’s doing to him “I’m looking for the Halloween store! My friend invited me to her cousins Halloween party and I need a costume”

“Here let me show you where it is.” Kirishma smiles at her biting the inside of his cheek to stop him from staring a tits jiggle in her small tube top that looks like it could fall off at any point in time.

As kirishma shows you the way to the Halloween store he can’t help but notice how you have to fast walk to keep up with him and normally he’d slow down but he can’t help himself but keep his pace as he has the perfect sight of your breast jiggling as you walk and can see down your top and notices you don’t have on a bra and he has to hold back his groan.

You guys finally arrive at the Halloween store “here we are sweetheart, I hope I was helpful enough and you find what you’re looking for” kirishma lets her know

Y/n looks up at him and smiles, she grabs her phone out of her back pocket “could I have your number? You know in case I need help finding something again” she ask while blushing and holding her phone out

He takes it and puts in his number “of course anytime you need me I’m at your service beautiful “ he smiles as he turns to leaving feeling good about himself.

~Time skip~

Later that night as kirishma enters denkis and hantas party dressed in his werewolf costume, he scans the already moving bodies looking for his friends when he sees a familiar face he just met earlier that day wearing a slutty red riding hood costume.

Kirishma smirks as he walks over to you and sees some of his friends near you as well giving them a nod as they make eye contact then walking towards you

“Well don’t you make a great red riding hood” he says to you while biting his lip scanning your body

“I’d love to have you as breakfast lunch dinner and dessert” he mumbles to himself thinking you don’t hear him but little does he know you do, you just don’t say anything about it.

“Hiii!” You exclaim while jumping up and down in front of him. “Your costume looks so good!” You tell him while biting your lip and looking him up and down

Kirishma smirks “yea you think so? I think yours looks way better, why don’t you give be a twirl doll” he tells you while biting his cheek.

Y/n smiles and give eijiro a small twirl going slow to make sure he can take in every detail of her costume.

Eijiro smiles down at her as mom walks by giving him a drink that he takes in one setting like it’s a shot as you stare up at him smiling swaying left to right slightly biting your lip.

Eijiro can’t help it but stare at you dirty thoughts of all the things he wants to do with you. “You got a drink yet?” He ask as he scans the surrounding area to see where drinks are located.

Y/n smiles and turns around and picks up a cup from the table behind her off to the side “yea I think this one’s mine” she’s smiles at him without a care in the world.

Eijiro takes her cup and sets it back down on the table “why don’t get you a new drink? You really shouldn’t leave you drink just laying around honey someone could slip something into it or do something to it” he tells you as he walks you to the kitchen his arm around you on the smaller part of your back.

“Ohh ok that makes sense” you say as you smile up at him giggling “thank you for taking care of me” you giggle some more and step closer to him once you arrive to the kitchen and he pours you two shots and four for himself you both taking them, he feels the liquid courage in his body.

He smirks looking down at you as his thoughts become too much and with the help of the alcohol he ask you what’s been on his mind since he met you. “Hey do you wanna go find a more private place to hang?” He ask looking down at you, your chest pressed his slightly chub stomach.

“I’d love that” y/n smiles up at him pressing her chest even more into him and giggling. Eijiro smirks while picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. He marches his way up the stairs to the guest room he uses whenever he stays at the party house after drinking to much, it’s the one night all their friends get together and spend together it’s not always a party but tonight he’s happy it is.

As you both enter the room eijiro closes the door and locks it pushing you against it and kissing you with so much passion and heat he can’t help it, you’re different then the girls he’s use to.

He starts kissing down your neck leaving hickies in his path as he travels down, listening to your sweet moans and whimpers as he gets to to your collar bone he nips at you. Y/n can’t help but whine and plead for more as eijiro bites her leaving more marks on her then she’s ever had before.

“Please eiji baby please” she begs shes not exactly sure for what as her mind is so fuzzy and thoughts muffled by how good she feels from just his mouth on her neck.

Eijiro smiles big “please what princess come on talk to me, tell daddy what you want baby.” He can’t help the loud groan that leaves the back of his throat as he feels you grind your wet panties against his rock hard clothed cock.

You whine and try grinding against him “want your big cock daddy please” you look up at him face pleading eyes big and full of desire and want.

Eijiro groans “anything you want pretty girl anything you want” he starts stripping you both of you clothes as he continues to kiss all over you, his hand sliding up to your throat grasping to tightly but enough for you to still breathe. You whimper as you feel his hand grasp your throat.

Eijiro moves you from the door to the bed tossing you on it chuckling as you squeal from being tossed he smiles as he stalks over to you like you’re his prey.

* I can make a part two if you want more smut but it’s hard to write with one hand😅*

[fandom-go-round]

Sea Salt Like Glitter: Part Two

Summary: You’re a forest ranger. Trees and mammals are your specialty. Mermaids in the ocean? Way outside your area of expertise. Good News: They like you. Bad News: They like you a lot

Mer! Sun x Plus Sized! Reader x Mer! Moon

Part One , Part Two (Here!), Part Three

Part two for everyone who was looking forward to it! Mostly fluff and plot set up here, I hope you enjoy! Also this is over 4k and honestly people need to get me away from the computer. Also also, happy Ruin DLC! I’m hoping we see something good

Warnings: Different Species, Threats of Bodily Harm, Implied Poaching, Cross Species Interactions, Mild Flirting, Cross Species Courtship

           You take the realization of mer people pretty well in your opinion. Sure, there was some yelling and swearing, pacing up and down in the woods. The birds that make their nests by your cabin are convinced that you’re crazy but you’ve always been an odd one. You want to chalk it up to a hallucination but the rope burn on your hands and lack of fuel tell a different story.

           Mer people don’t change anything about your job, which is a relief and a struggle. You have to go back to your normal day to day knowing that there are other things out in the world. It does renew your passion around nature and conservation, just with a different twist. Your boss raises your eyebrows when you come in a little cagy but doesn’t push for an explanation, only requesting that you get some more rest.

           You swear you will, even though it’s been a struggle. In your dreams all you hear is the sound of waves against rocks and red eyes under the water. You’re treading water and keep feeling something try to pull you under. Every morning you wake in a sweat and want to scream. The creature had been scary, sure, but it hadn’t tried to hurt you. Just chase you off. You argue with yourself as you head back to the beach, mumbling under your breath.

           “You’re being ridiculous. Even if the thing lives around here, you saved it. It doesn’t want to eat you.” Your rational brain agrees with your words but the other part of your brain scoffs. You know some kind of underwater secret now, why would it let you live?

           The argument continues as you go down the stairs, scanning over the beach. There isn’t any trash and you’re thankful. It takes more willpower than it should to look over the water and, very slowly, you relax. The gulls are the only animals above the water and fish dart happily underneath. There’s a ping in your chest and you hope the creature you saved is alright. It had looked like a deeper water fish. Your brain happily chimes in that it might be nocturnal too, based on all the squinting it was doing. Even better, now you won’t have to see it and you can go back to pretending the experience was a fever dream.

           A high-pitched click, almost like a dolphin call, snaps you out of your thoughts. Your eyes scan the surface again and go wide, white eyes peeking out above the water. There’s a head sticking out of the water.

           Both of you refuse to move, the other new creature in the water and you on the shore. Red fins raise just a little and you remember the other splashes. Your creature had a friend. Well fuck.

           This creature makes another click and, ever so slowly, moves closer to shore. Your feet are rooted to the spot in fear and it pauses, not knowing what to do. You know that you need to do something but you have no idea what and you wave. Your hand comes up to give a few, very quick and sharp wags before going limp at your side once again.

           You want to curl into a ball. Your brain howls at you for being an idiot while another part is cackling. How in the world humans have become the dominant species is beyond you. Waving at a fucking fish, are you crazy-

           You’re brought out of your spiraling thoughts by a loud splash. The creature’s fins are widely displayed, fanning around it’s face like petals and it has a large grin on it’s face. Webbed fingers break the surface to give you it’s own furious waves before it dives under the water. You watch, half fascinated and half terrified, as it makes a beeline for shore.

           You back up a meter as it getting closer, the mer dragging itself half out of the water. The fins by it’s head wiggle happily, reds and oranges and yellows distracting you. This mer is covered in warm colored splotches and you watch as two larger fins by it’s hips come to hug the sand. It’s teeth as just as sharp as it’s companions, as are it’s claws and you resist the urge to book it.

           The mer has been making clicking sounds the entire time you’ve been staring at it and you subtly close your mouth. Hopefully it doesn’t think that you’re trying to be a threat. Of course you aren’t but who knows what mer culture is. If there is mer culture. A long, low whistle catches your attention and you focus on the mer. The fins around it’s head have wilted a little and you realize that it’s eyes are completely white. Part of you thinks there may be a pupil there but you’d need to get closer to confirm.

           “Umm sorry bud, I didn’t mean to ignore you.” It takes you a second to find your words but when you talk the creature perks up again, a wide smile on it’s face. It gives something like a coo and you nod, ignoring the way the hair on your arms stands on end. “Nice to meet you?”

           “Friend!” You almost scream when it speaks fucking human and moves closer to you. You scramble back or at least try. Your boot gets caught in the sand and you fall backwards, landing straight on your ass. Your eyes are huge but the mer doesn’t stop, getting closer until it can almost touch your feet. It doesn’t touch, claws stopping about half a foot away. It looks almost like it’s vibrating in place, fins wiggling and no actually, that’s it’s entire body wiggling.

           “You speak-?” You cut your own question off, gesturing between the two of you. It gives a high-pitched giggle that makes your ears ring. It nods, getting lower to the ground and reminds you of a dog doing a play bow.

           “Yes yes! Only little.” It’s voice is deeper than you expect, not that you expected anything. There’s another tone behind the first that you can’t exactly place; maybe it’s a mer thing? You nod back and introduce yourself, pronouns included. You want to laugh at yourself; maybe you’re in shock? Why else would you give your pronouns to a mer person? Was gender even a thing under the ocean??

           “Nice to meet friend!” The mer gives a few other happy body wiggles and then a cross between a hiss and bark. You stare, not saying anything and it frowns. “Name translate no. He!” You could already feel your brain starting to melt but give him a nod.

           “Is there something that’s close? To your name” His head tilts to the side at your question and he begins to hum, tail burrowing into the dirt. The humming is soothing and you find yourself  relaxing at the wordless tune. As you watch him and notice that he seems completely happy in the sand, his larger fins pushing the sand around him.  It reminds you of some kind of fish but the mer speaks up before you can get too far.

           “Sun!” He’s more than a little excited to tell you his name, leaning as close as he can get. His face is much larger than yours and you shrink back a little, even though he doesn’t seem to notice. Sun changes back to clicks and coos, tail slapping rhythmically in the water.

           “Sun huh?” You can’t help but smile a little. He seems like a big puppy dog, just with extra teeth. And his fins are sort of like the sun. Kind of? “Nice to meet you too Sun.” You don’t have time to react. Right after you finish saying his name, his eyes go wide and a long tongue comes out of his mouth. He drags it across your cheek and you shriek in surprise, the mer giving a pleased rumble.

           The next couple of hours pass in the same way, Sun chatting as much as he can and you carrying the conversation. It’s easy to pass the time; you and Sun are both fascinated with each other. It seemed that while Sun could talk, it was rare that he actually got to interact with people. You were getting more comfortable with him, letting him lean on you and put his head in your lap.

           The sun was starting to dip below the horizon and your new mer friend was slowly sinking back into water. The darker the sky got, the more he yawned and seemed to drift off. He was almost all the way back into the water now and you gave a small wave, Sun giving one back. You turned to go but a deep, more menacing growl came up from the water and you froze.

           Red eyes glared out of the water at you, mouth pulled into a snarl. Sun didn’t seem at all worried, giving a coo but not turning towards the other mer. You quickly glance between the water’s edge and where you stood, wondering if you had enough distance. Quiet hissing got louder and you watched as the other mer dragged itself out beside Sun.

           The mer looked a lot better than before; skin healed and healthy looking. Red eyes were brighter and more focused, squarely on you. You didn’t know if you should bolt or stay still. Sun leans on the new mer, rubbing his head against a dark shoulder. The one you rescued gives a snarl but rubs their head back, not pushing the other off. You’re still in shock that the mer is completely healed, even though it’s been less than 24 hours. Maybe a couple over? Either way, that’s nothing short of impressive.

           “Him Moon.” Sun’s voice is sleepy, slurring heavily but still clear. You look at him and then the new mer, apparently dubbed Moon. Moon makes a face and begins to click and whistle. The two of them fall into conversation, leaving you to watch and figure out what to do. You’re more nervous with Moon here but Sun doesn’t seem worried. Your eyes keep scanning the beach, just in case; you remember the tentacles on Moon and have no desire to get snatched.

           Moon sees you scanning and gives a deep laugh, flashing his teeth at you. Black tentacles slide onto the sand and you want to be terrified, you really do. You can’t though because they’re gorgeous. Moon, like the other fish in the area, has bioluminescence and it looks like stars are dancing across his scales. Now that you’ve noticed the lights you see them everywhere, covering his entire torso and arms.

           Sun gives a happy coo and smiles at you, beckoning you closer. You hesitate, looking at Moon. He looks half annoyed but also half amused, lips curling up a little but the rumblings have stopped. You give a sigh, wondering if anyone would find your body and get closer. Both of them watch you approach and don’t move, a tension in the air. It doesn’t feel bad, just intense.

           You stop in front of Moon and he doesn’t shrink down like Sun has. He looms over you, blocking out the moonlight. Sun gives another sleepy coo, fingers gently wrapping around your arm. You can’t breathe, ruby eyes locked on your face. Moon leans closer, scanning your face and then your entire body. A cold tentacle wraps itself around your ankle and you resist the urge to yell; if you’re going to die, you aren’t going to show any fear.

           Being this close you can really see Moon’s lights fading in and out. There’s a larger patch of lights at the end of his head fins, dangling over his shoulder. It almost looks like a lure and you try not to think too much about it. Moon calls your name and you flinch, focusing back on him. You had been so zoned out earlier that Sun must have said your name and you didn’t realize.

           “Keep secret.” Moon’s voice is harder to make out than Sun’s but you understand him. He hadn’t phrased it as a question but you nod anyway, wanting to reassure him.

           “I won’t say anything, I promise.” You’re completely sincere and Moon scoffs, rolling his eyes. You furrow your eyebrows, not know why he wouldn’t like that answer. You don’t get a chance to ask because one of his hands comes up and places a claw directly on your forehead. A tingle of tear slides down your spine but you ignore it.

           “Ours now.” The words themselves are ominous but Moon’s tone is kind, even a little fond. You don’t get it, not really, and he can tell based on his face. He gives a rumble and gently flicks your forehead, snickering as you yelp.

           “Hey! What was that-!?” You’re clutching your head and don’t notice him going in under your hands it’s too late. Another cold tongue drags itself against your cheek and you shriek, mer laughter filling the air. “Eww again!? What is with you two and licking!?”

           Either of them answers your question, Moon snickering and Sun giving a lazy wave. You watch as Moon helps the other one into the water, hands gentle and they disappear under the water silently. Your heart is pounding like crazy and you can’t stop the giddy laughter even if you wanted to. Does it sound a little hysterical? Maybe. But it also feels like something you’ve been missing is finally clicking into place.

♥

           The next few weeks you feel like you’re living the high life. Your trips to the beach have increased from once a week to every other day and you’re tempted to go every day. Without fail, one of them will meet you, even if it takes a little while. During the day it’s Sun and if it’s closer to evening, Moon may come visit. Sun is defiantly the friendlier of the two, pulling himself onto the sand and hanging out with you. Moon is more reserved, liking to stay in the water and splash you.

           From what you’ve figured out, the two of them have been living in the area for years now. The secluded beach and lack of people make it ideal for staying out of the public eye. They’re also a mated pair; you’ve been too cautious to ask more details about that. There are cultural barriers that you’re trying to navigate and that seems like a topic to avoid for now.

           The first time you ask about how they learned to speak, Sun gets a little sad. His fins drop and he snuggles closer in your lap. He’s the more physically affectionate of the two and you’ve gotten used to having wet pants.

           “Human friend, long time ago.” His words are muffled by the fabric but he keeps going. You gently start to rub his back and he purrs, eyes looking up at you. “No stay, left soon.”

           “Were they a ranger like me?” Your question earns a dark chuckle from Moon in the water. He glides around the edge, eyes locked on the two of you.

           “Ranger too stupid to notice.” He rasps and you take offence, even if you know he’s not talking about you.

           “I noticed you.” He hums, eyes half lidded and grin sharp.

           “Not completely stupid.” You scoff at his words and he laughs. Sun gives a huff and flips his tail at Moon. The tentacled mer sputters at the water thrown at his face and sinks below the waves.

           “Not ranger, visitor. Before beach was closed. Left once vacation over.” Sun sounds a little better now, not as sad as he explains. You nod, still rubbing his back and he soaks up the attention like a sponge.

           “I’m sorry they left.” Sun smiles at your words, pulling you closer to him. It’s still unnerving to be manhandled so easily but you try to ignore it; people your size don’t usually get moved like feathers after all.

           “Better now that you’re here.” You ignore the embarrassment you feel at Sun’s words, giving him a smile back.

           “I’m glad you think so. I’m happy that I met the two of you.” Sun preens at the praise, the fins around his head fanning out in a dazzling display. Moon cuts off your admiring, shooting a jet of water directly at your face. You yelp and he snickers, crawling up onto the sand next to Sun. The two of them bicker as you clean your face and you can’t help but smile. This is the best time you’ve had in a while.

           That, of course, means that it can’t last. A couple days after your sand cuddle session, you spot a boat out on the water. It’s larger than a normal speedboat and the hull is so dark grey it’s almost black. Dread settles in your gut like a stone; poachers.

           They aren’t a common occurrence but that doesn’t mean poachers are rare. Normally you deal with them on the forest side and its easy to drive them off. Being on the water is going to be harder, partly because of the lack of equipment and partly because of your new friends.

           You keep an eye on the boat as it lingers. You don’t see any nets or obvious illegal fishing but you can’t be everywhere at once. You ask Sun about it one day, making sure the two of you are out of sight of the boat.

           “Boat fine.” He doesn’t seem nearly as worried as you are, chomping on a fish he caught earlier. He had offered you some and you declined, trying not to make a face. He clearly didn’t need to cook his food.

           “You’re not worried about it?” You ask, a little surprised. Sun shrugs, half looking over his shoulder.

           “Boat no fish, boat just stay.” You sigh, leaning against him.

           “That’s what I’m worried about. I’m afraid that they’re poachers.” Sun listens as you speak, giving a rumble. “The two of you shouldn’t visit me until I figure this out.”

           “What?” Sun sits up, fins flaring out along his head. He looks more than a little offended, leaning close to you. “Why no visit?”

           “I don’t want you to get hurt.” You tell him, face serious. “I doubt anyone knows that you’re here but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” He watches you for a moment before leaning back and pouting.

           “You take care of it?” You nod at his question, giving him a reassuring smile.

           “Yeah Sun, I’ll take care of it.” He hums, fins wiggling for a bit before licking your cheek. You protest and all his does is laugh before sliding into the water. You figure that he’ll tell Moon your warning; you’re less worried about the nocturnal mer anyway. Now, onto the harder task.

           Mark, at the end off the day, is a pretty good boss. He tends to be a little nervous (mostly around people) but he was always willing to go to bat for his employees and wildlife. He’s also the one to notify when you have issues in your remote part of the woods. He’s never been afraid to drive out and see what you’re dealing with.

           “You’re making me nervous.” Mark can’t stop himself from commenting and you can’t blame him. You’ve been pacing up a storm since before he pulled up and hardly let him get a word in edge wise. You take a deep breathe, counting to four before releasing it. Make is here to help, even if you have to get a little more creative in your explanation.

           “I’m sorry I just, I’m really worried about this.” You do your best to explain and Mark gives slow nod, looking out at the ocean.

           “Normally you’re less concerned with ocean life.” Mark doesn’t make it sound accusatory but you still winced, looking out at the ocean. You watch the waves, trying to figure out how to phrase your thoughts.

           “You’re right… I found something out there worth protecting.” You feel like your face is burning but pushed on, Mark watching you closely. “There are creatures who needs our help and don’t deserve to be hunted for sport. They’re worth more than that.” Silence fell and you held your breath; if he didn’t support you there was no way you could drive them off on your own.

           “Some day you’ll have to tell me what you found.” Mark gives you a hearty back slap, surprising you and making you stumble. He laughs as you sputter, grabbing his binoculars and looking out. “Come on then, let’s get these folks out of your ocean.”

           “It’s not my ocean!” Your protest is ignored, Mark snickering as he headed back towards his truck.

           “Course it’s not. Come on, let’s get this down to the boat launch and go pay our friends a visit.” You grin at his words, calmed down with Mark’s confidence. He might normally be nervous but when it comes to wildlife, he was the pushiest person in the world.

           Mark’s boat is nicer than yours and you ignore the ping of jealousy that stabs through you. Wish your boat was that nice. Mark drives you both closer to this boat, now on the south side of the rock formations. The boat had been driving around the rock formations in the area and it makes you nervous, knowing that Moon and Sun like to hunt there.

           Once you get close enough, Mark hands you a megaphone and you stand up, doing your best to stay stable. Taking a deep breath, you let your voice boom out, thoughts of the mers down below giving your courage.

           “Attention, you are in protected waters! State your business!” The ship stays silent for a moment after your request and the two of you tense. If they didn’t react, you would have to call in the coast guard and that was always hit or miss.  You repeat the message, seeing if there were any signs of movement. Nothing.

           “What do you want to do?” You ask Mark, turning to face him. Your boss frowns, shaking his head.

           “It doesn’t mean that they’re poachers but it doesn’t look good. Let’s head back and call it in.” You nod in agreement and turned back around just in time to watch someone lean over the edge. Your eyes go wide as this person begins to puke, wincing as the sound echoed over the water. You and Mark share a look before you bring the megaphone back to your lips.

           “Excuse me?” Your call has the person on the boat jumping, a high-pitched shriek filling the air. The person on the ship turns to you and you give a wave. “Please state your businesses, you’re in protected waters.” You watch as the person flails for a moment before putting their fingers up in a ‘hold on a second’ gesture and heading back into the boat.

           “Not poachers.” Mark says from behind you and you nod, going boneless with relief.

           “Not unless this is their first voyage.” You joke back and he laughs.

           “Bad crew choice right there.” The two of you laugh to yourselves, pleasantly surprised as the person comes back with a few more people, their own megaphone in hand. You take another breath, begging yourself for some patience. This was going to be a long talk.

♥

           It took almost two hours to convince the boat they had to leave. Apparently, it was a private party ship that had drifted too far south. You let Mark do most of the technical talking, especially when it came to where exactly the boat was supposed to be. You had more fun watching the people try to be sober when they very clearly were not.

           You also keep an eye out for your underwater friends but they stay away and you’re thankful. You don’t want to have to explain to Mark about mer people on top of dealing with drunk tourists. Finally, the two of you watch the ship drive off and you sigh, leaning back and closing your eyes.

           “Tired?” Mark sounds as tired as you feel and you nod, closing your eyes.

           “Yeah. They’re more than 20 meters off course, how does that even happen?” Mark gives a snort, turning the boat back and driving to the shore.

           “That’s what happens when you get drunk and your ship is fancy enough to have cruise control. I’m going to call it in once we get back and hopefully someone will meet them on their way back.” You give a hum back, acknowledging his words.

           “Sounds good to me. I’ll write up my report tonight and get it to you by tomorrow.” He waves you off, shaking his head.

           “A couple of days later is no big deal. I have the regional meeting tomorrow too.” You wince at ‘regional meeting’. Sucks to be the boss. The two of you spend the rest of the ride in silence, getting the boat out of the water easily. You’re just about to part ways when there’s a large splash in the water behind you.

           Your stomach drops out as you turn and see a flash of Sun’s bright red tail. Mark’s eyes are wide like yours and you don’t know what to say. He clearly saw Sun, even if it wasn’t all of him. You want to tell him he’s crazy but Mark just shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes.

           “I’m… seeing things, I think. I’m gonna head back. We’ll talk once you finish your report.” You nod, trying not to come off as too relieved because of his words.

           “Have a good night Mark, we’ll talk later.” He gives you a half wave as you see him off, making sure the boat is hooked up before driving off. You pray that Mark will ignore what he’s seen; he loves the ocean more than anyone.

           Sun jumps into the air again and now you watch with a smile, heading back towards the beach. With the sun getting close to setting, maybe you’ll see Moon tonight too. Mark may have competition for ocean lover, now that you think about it.

[changbunnies]

I Hate to Admit (18+)

♡ Pairing: Police Chief!Changbin x Plus Size Fem ("ex") Mafia Member!Reader

♡ Genre: mafia au, heavy angst and fluff, enemies to lovers kinda (it's not in the traditional sense lol)

♡ Word Count: 47.4k

♡ Summary: Y/N is an ex-mafia member whose specialty was romancing targets for information. No feelings involved, she did what she had to do and then moved on promptly. That life eventually became toxic and tiring for her so she quit, and decided to live a normal life, with a normal career and normal friends. However, after her older brother Chan's closest advisor is arrested in a sting operation, she's called in for one last job– her latest target being Seo Changbin, the divorced chief of Seoul’s police force who is returning to dating for the first time in 2 years. It should be an easy job; get the info she needs and then vanish as she always did. But the job becomes anything but easy when she realizes she’s falling in love with him. 

♡ Warnings: past character abuse (not described), past parental death (not described), implied past SA (because consent should be enthusiastic), blood and injury, gun violence, adjusted ages (everyone is late 20s, early 30s), specficially y/n ~29 and changbin is ~30, changbin is divorced from a previous marriage, chan has an antagonistic role for the plot (i'm sorry!!)

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): multiple smut scenes, soft dom changbin, lots of love bombs and check-ins, possibly too much exposition for a sex scene lol i am so sorry, petnames (love, honey, baby), gendered language such as "good girl," handjob, nipple play, clit play, fingering, oral (m+f receiving), unprotected piv (reader is on birth control), overstimulation, creampie, over all very vanilla and soft, brief mentions of reader being heavy

♡ Notes: you can also read the story on my a03, where it is divided into chapters here! and if you're interested, you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams. updated 08/30/24: formatting fixes, slight changes to scenes and dialogue for improved cohesion

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Can we talk?

A mundane message, but one that can sow dread within you at a rapid pace. Those three little words on your phone screen mock you, the silent trepidation seeping into your pores, and rooting in your bones.

Some may look at this scenario and think you’re overdramatic; what’s so scary about your brother asking you to talk? Why would this seemingly innocent message fill you with such unease? 

The answer to that is that those people are simply ignorant– blissfully so. To not understand why this would shake you meant that the life they lived up to this point was one of relative ease. Something terrible always followed a message like this. Always.

And coming from your brother? That was even more cause for alarm. He only texted you like this when he had something terrible and important to tell you, something that had the ability to shake the foundations of your existence, to send you reeling head first into a reality you don’t want to face. 

You stare at your screen for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it’s as little as a minute (according to the timestamp on your phone, at least.) Chan sent a short followup message that simply said, “Come by the house.” 

The house. A place you haven’t returned to in 6 months. You swallow in apprehension as you type a response. Whatever he has to say has to be serious, and your mind races with possibilities. 

I’m on my way.

Your hands tremble as you approach your childhood home, taking slow measured steps through the entrance and subsequent halls. It’d been a long time since you last lived in the house, but until recently, you had still regularly visited it. Your brother, Chan, still lived here, along with various others he’d grown close to over the years, the people he considered his most trusted confidants.

You didn’t hate your brother by any means, nor any of the other people you’d become friends with over the span of your life, but to live the mafia lifestyle was exhausting to say the least. And not just physically like most people might jump to, but emotionally.

To be in fear for your life and the lives of your closest friends and loved ones, the stability of your home and finances, the balancing act between the life you lead in the day and the one you lead at night– all of it was so utterly exhausting. 

And you admired your brother’s perseverance, his resolve to carry on where your parents left off, but this wasn’t a life you wanted to lead anymore. Chan understood when you told him, and he didn’t fault you when you expressed how taxing this life was on your health, so you left the ‘official’ rankings of the family with his blessing.

For your sake, he minimized the contact the two of you shared in the last few months, but he was never going to entirely abandon his baby sister. He still checked in on you on important dates, made sure you were making enough money to live well, and that you had a job that made you happy with a fulfilling social life. 

All in all, he was the perfect older brother. He had a responsibility, and he carried it well, while ensuring the comfort of you, the baby sister who found it too stressful and overwhelming to continue to be a part of. But just because you no longer saw violence happen, it doesn’t mean it stopped.

Sure, not regularly seeing your brother hurt, or hearing about losses and close calls, was beneficial to your mental health, but it still happened all the time. You just entered a space of blissful ignorance, of avoidance. If you didn’t see it, if you didn’t hear it, the problem didn’t exist anymore, simple as that. 

And obviously that will never be true; terrible things will always happen regardless of who is or isn’t there to bear witness to them. But you could pretend. You could go to your monotonous office job like a regular person, chat about the mundane things like the weather and what your coworkers' children are getting up to these days.

You could have dinner on the couch while you facetime your best friend, gossiping about local drama or what new project their partner started while you have some random video playing as background noise. You could take a relaxing soak in the tub, listening to your new favorite song on repeat before you slip into your comfiest pair of pajamas and go to bed.

And you could pretend. Everything was perfectly fine, your brother was running things well, there were no problems and no losses. Your past was behind you, your family and friends were well, and you could live a normal life without any repercussions or consequences coming back to haunt you. A naive dream that someday reality would cruelly remind you couldn't happen. 

“Noona, you’re here!” Felix smiles as you make your approach to your brother's office, a bright one that would cause your heart to flutter if you weren’t so riddled with anxiety. Felix was your previous bodyguard while you were still living within the walls of your childhood home.

Eventually, when you moved locations for various jobs assigned to you, he’d take point close by, watching from a careful distance in case something happened and he needed to protect you. He was also the first to pick up on your desire to leave, clearly being able to see the ripple effect the danger that this life held had on you.

He broached the subject carefully, and gave you a soft smile when you admitted that his observations were correct. He supported you and gave you helpful advice, encouraging you to be honest with Chan and do what makes you happy. 

If you were being honest, Felix was one of the people you missed the most. You spent a lot of time with him over the years, and you could easily imagine what a future with him would be like if he had been willing to leave with you.

It broke your heart to realize he'd never leave it all behind, but you accepted it for what it was, and thanked him for his support for you up until the day you left. You still talked sometimes, and you often wondered what he does now that he's no longer your bodyguard; but he felt it best to give you distance while you transition into your new life.

“Hi Lixie,” you do your best to return his smile despite the anxiety stuck in your chest. "I've missed you," he says after giving you a brisk hug, "have you been well?"

"My job is a little boring sometimes to be honest, but I like it,” you answer. You can tell the conversation will move into awkward small talk territory, so you qucikly shift the topic to the reason you're here. “Do you know what Chan wants to talk to me about?” 

Felix’s smile shifts to a small frown as he nods his head tentatively. “I have an idea, yes,” he answers after a pause. Before you can ask him what he knows, your brother’s door swings open.

To your relief, he doesn’t look any different than he did when you last saw him. That had to mean whatever he was going to tell you couldn't be as bad as your head is making it out to be, right? “Y/N, come in!” Chan ushers you towards him, beckoning you into the room. You glance at Felix, who offers you a sympathetic smile, before you fully enter the office. 

You take a seat across from his desk, hands wringing the bottom of your shirt as your eyes dart to various points in the room, trying to distract your apprehensive mind by observing any potential changes. A new painting? More books? A change in desk chair? Anything, no matter how minute, is enough of a distraction at this point. 

“I’ll get straight to the point,” he says as he takes his seat across from you, his expression serious. “I have a job I’d like you to do.” It was typical of Chan to cut to the chase, never one to waste time with pleasantries if there was something serious to discuss, but despite expecting this, you were wholly unprepared to hear the words that actually came out of his mouth.

“Chan, you know I left this behind for a reason, I– I can't..” you start, searching his expression for answers. Why would he ask you to come back to this? You thought he understood from your discussion prior to leaving that you’d never put yourself through the hurt again. You just couldn’t bear it anymore. 

"I know it's a lot to ask but it's important, and there's no one I trust more than you to get it done. I can't ask anyone but you to do this," Chan responds, his pleading tone conveying how desperate he is right now.

You frown, knowing very well that there was only ever one type of job Chan assigned you to, and what he would be expecting from you. “I.. I can't do this again,” you manage to say, your balled up hands trembling in your lap, your tone pleading with him to understand. 

Chan sighs, a sadness overtaking his features that you haven’t seen in years. “I understand, I really do, but..” He looks away, jaw clenched and expression pained. Your mind repeats his words to you; there’s no one else I trust, no one else I can ask. 

Was his situation really so grave that he had no choice but to reach out for your help? And did you really have it in you to deny your brother of help when he was looking at you with such downtrodden eyes? 

You sigh as you resolve yourself to hear him out at least; if this was really that important to him, you couldn’t turn him down without at least hearing him out. You loved him after all, and despite any pain you might face, you wanted to help him if you could. “Who is it?” you ask finally, ignoring the way your nerves scream in protest. 

“Seo Changbin, chief of Seoul police.” Your brows furrow at his response, mouth slightly agape in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious– and yet his stern expression told you that he was.

“That’s impossible, there’s no way I can do that!” you exclaim, rising to your feet quickly. Sure, you were no stranger to seducing men for your family’s advantage, but it was usually petty criminals and rivaling bosses, not a police officer. And an incredibly powerful police officer at that!

"Minho was arrested," Chan says as he rises to his feet as well, hoping the declaration is enough to stop you from leaving. You freeze, heart sinking to your stomach.

“..What? How?” you ask as you slowly sink back in your seat, listening intently as Chan shared the events of the last few months with you. 

3 months ago, a deal gone wrong led to the arrest of your brother’s second in command and most trusted friend. Things have been tense and strained between members since then, but tensions were at their worst with Chan, who suspected there was a rat among them who fed information to a third party.

The location was well guarded and scoped out well before the meeting between your brother and another leader he was striking a deal with was to take place, which lead him to one conclusion– someone had to have leaked it. 

The plan was to join teams, effectively ending the rivalry and expanding territory in the process. The rival leader would release their hold on southern Seoul, with the promise that Chan in turn gave him a high ranking position and integrated his boys into the appropriate ranks.

Everything seemed to be going well at first, with Chan and Minho proceeding with negotiations with little conflict. However, an unanticipated raid on their meeting location caused the men to break out into chaos. Some fought, others ran while throwing shots, but Minho got caught in the crossfire while ensuring that Chan got out of the situation intact. 

In the end, no deal was made, trust broken between the two groups as they blamed one another, and Chan’s most trusted ally was behind bars with nothing to show for his efforts. Your brother didn’t want to believe that someone in your group had spilled secrets and allowed officers to raid their meeting, but he couldn’t disregard the possibility.

In their world, anything was possible, and he couldn’t have blind faith in his team despite how bad he wanted to trust them. So with that in mind, the last few months were dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on his lackeys, looking for any slip ups or deviations in routine. 

“You need to find out what the police have on him, on us, so we can build a defense for Minho,” Chan continues, the anger and grief on his face clear, “Or at the very least, discover who our rat is. Even if it's not someone on our side, I don’t plan on letting whoever sold us out walk away. They’ll regret ever betraying us, or their brothers.”

Chan’s expression is one of unbridled rage, and now you understand why. A betrayal of this magnitude is something your brother could never forgive, no matter how kind of a leader he is, no matter which affliation to other families the rat held.

And he wasn’t just betrayed, but his brother in arms was gone now too. Wherever Chan was, Minho was never far behind, and you honestly couldn't remember a time in your life where you didn’t see the two of them together.

Minho was just as much a brother to you as Chan, having spent years of your life with the both of them by your side. You can’t imagine the amount of grief your brother has been shouldering on his own up until now.

“How do I get close to him?” you finally question with a frown. You don’t doubt that Chan has a plan; he never sent you into a situation unprepared, but you’re still perplexed by the idea.

This wasn’t the usual low hanging fruit you were tasked with getting close to, and even when set to romance rivaling bosses, you knew you had Chan and Felix’s protection if things went south. But here, there was no protection. If this Seo Changbin guy figured you out, you’d all be nailed without hesitation. 

“Jeongin. I planted him on the force after Minho’s arrest– he’s your in.” Chan answers easily, though the pain in his voice at the mention of Minho doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He prepared carefully when he realized he would need your help, not allowing for any possible error in his preparations.

Chan didn’t want to throw you into a situation you weren’t capable of handling. Yes, he was desperate to find out where they might've went wrong, but patience was key; and he couldn’t throw his sister in the line of danger over just anything. You were not only a valuable asset to him, but also his only family left, and he wouldn’t lose you too over a half baked plot made in desperation. 

So with that in mind, he moved slowly and carefully, keeping a watchful eye on those around him while planting trusted members in key locations. And Yang Jeongin was one of those trusted members, a childhood friend who was fiercely loyal and dedicated to the family as he also grew up in this lifestyle.

He had proved his loyalty many times over in Chan’s eyes, so he gave Jeongin the task to infiltrate the force and learn anything he could about what happened on that fateful night months ago. He was younger than you and Felix, and you imagined it'd be easy for him to pass as a fresh recruit eager to work with his cute, boyish smile.

Han Jisung, another trusted member of the group, easily got all the necessary documents together to allow Jeongin onto the force. Jisung’s talent for forgery and information gathering was greatly appreciated, often allowing you and others into spaces they normally would not be allowed in.

Chan informs you that while Jeongin is too low rank on the force to get the details they really want, he has been able to uncover other useful information that they can use to their advantage– namely, information on police chief Seo Changbin. The chief is back on the dating field for the first time since his divorce finalized a few years back, which is where you come in. 

Jeongin often joined his “colleagues” for drinks after Friday shifts in the hopes that one of them would spill something in their inebriated state. And while Changbin didn’t spill anything work related that Jeongin didn't already know, he did share some personal details, which included the progression his love life (or lack thereof.) 

“Is he really going to go on a blind date with someone his subordinate hooks him up with?” you ask, hesitancy clear in your voice. Chan understands the hesitation however and doesn’t hold the way you’re questioning him against you; he knows how far-fetched this all sounds.

“He’s already agreed to it,” Chan answers and this is where it all clicks for you. Of course he already agreed to it– Chan wouldn’t be giving you this task otherwise. 

You sigh as you decide to commit to the job, still uneasy but unable to tell your brother “no” when he’s placing so much faith in you. All you can do now is hope that things proceed smoothly and that Seo Changbin isn’t as much of an asshole as some of the other men you’ve had the displeasure of beguiling into spilling their most closely held secrets.

“This is all the intel Jeongin has gotten on him, along with some things Jisung got through some digging. Read it over thoroughly and prepare for Friday night,” Chan says as he hands you a rather sparse manila folder.

Normally you had much more information to work with, but you suppose it makes sense that there isn’t much to dig up about him. You imagine that he’s either some self righteous do-gooder with not a single speck on his perfect record, or a corrupt officer who's incredibly good at covering up his messes.

You aren’t sure which you prefer either way, but no matter the outcome, you have to see it through. So you simply step out of Chan’s office, folder in hand as you head home to prepare. 

As you expected by how little the folder held, you didn’t actually learn all that much about who Changbin is as a person. On Jisung's report was the typical boring information– which high school he graduated from, and how long he’s been on the police force for instance. There wasn’t much you could put to use.

A medal won here, a promotion there, but nothing that would help you woo the man. On Jeongin’s end, he reported mostly on things he heard come out of Changbin’s mouth while he was drinking, or idle gossip from other colleagues.

You knew Changbin has been divorced for over 2 years now, and you knew that he wanted to be in a relationship again, but there wasn’t much else for Jeongin to tell you. 

Changbin seemed to be well guarded on all fronts, which you suppose made sense given his career. If the chief of police in a city as large and populated as Seoul was flippant with his mouth, you could only imagine what kind of trouble it would cause. It was easy to imagine that he held his private life close to his chest.

You knew from firsthand experience that knowing personal details and secrets about a person can ruin them, and someone as influential as Changbin having his private life on display would surely be a disaster. Still, you found it incredible that even while intoxicated, he didn’t reveal too much about himself.

Nothing critical or of importance, just minor or vague passing comments that anyone could infer. Anyone could guess that a divorced man would put himself back out there eventually– it was only a matter of time, and thus not a groundbreaking confession. 

So, the only things you knew about him were either insignificant drunken confessions, speculation based on rumor, or observations made by Jeongin from working under him from the past 2 and a half months; all things that don't necessarily aid you in any way.

He noted that Changbin had a routine, that he stuck to a specific diet to maintain his health and body, and that he was very prompt and careful with everything he did. Normally, you used the information gathered on a target to plan your approach. If you could appeal to their tastes, you were much more likely to get them to like you and want to pursue you, which made your job all the more easy.

But Changbin was basically a mystery to you; no prominent social media accounts to scour for likes and dislikes, opinions or preferences that you could play into, nor any substantial records to pour though to learn about him. 

You were basically going in blind, which made you all the more nervous to be in front of him this afternoon. You didn’t have a crutch to lean on, and all you could really do was hope that whatever you did tonight was enough to make Changbin want to keep seeing you.

You had also gone over your story with Chan and Jeongin a couple times to ingrain it in your memory and make sure there were no mistakes. The story was mostly truthful, as the best lies have some truth to them, but there were obviously some things that had to be changed about the relationship you have. 

Jeongin was like a little brother to you, which was true, and you had a good relationship with his mother, which was also true. What wasn’t true however, was the reason behind those facts. Your story was that your mothers were close friends, which led to you having a big part in Jeongin’s life– and again, that was partially true. The lie came from why they were close friends.

The mafia life wasn’t some new endeavor that your brother decided to pursue while you followed– he was born into it, with your father being the previous head of the family; and that was similarly true for Jeongin. His dedication to Chan, and you by proxy, was instilled in him by his father, in the same way your own father instilled the values of the family into you and Chan.

So yes, your families were close, but not for the reasons your cover story will lead Changbin to believe. Your fathers worked together, which meant your mothers became close friends; and when Jeongin turned 18 he took over where his father had left off without hesitation. 

It was a bittersweet feeling when Jeongin joined your ranks officially. He wasn't obligated to continue his father’s path like you and Chan, which gave him the chance to leave this all behind if he wanted to. You truly did view the boy like your own little brother, and you knew accepting this life meant putting himself in harm's way– but you also understood that he was old enough to make his own choices.

And it would be a lie to say his dedication and loyalty was unappreciated by you or your brother. You firmly believed that if Minho wasn't so close in age to Chan, Jeongin would be second in command instead. It had really only come down to the fact that Minho was older with more real world experience that led to him being Chan’s direct subordinate. 

You play your story over and over again in your head as you prepare for your date. A slip up could prove devastating, so you were putting extra care into making sure you would execute everything flawlessly.

The location of your date was a fairly nice restaurant (at least you assumed it was based on your google search), so you planned your outfit based on that. It was more on the formal side, but not so much that it called for you to pull your most expensive pieces out of the closet, so you chose a dress on the simpler side.

Besides, you figured showing up in something extravagant would be jarring; unlike when you're going after low level thugs, flashing wealth isn't necessary here. Changbin is expecting a version of you close in line to who you truly are now– that being a nice girl who works an office job for a living. 

Keeping in line with that train of thought, you also chose more subtle, natural looking makeup, and kept a more relaxed hair style. It’d been a while since you went on a date with a more natural style, but it was refreshing to not have to pull out all the stops.

Normally, you had to play into a persona, or be an exaggerated version of yourself, but Changbin was expecting someone average. Just a nice girl with a modest job– nothing crazy, and nothing for you to play into.

You were definitely still anxious about not having something tangible to latch on to, but hopefully being more on the truthful, down to earth side would appeal to him. After all, no matter what caricature of him you made up in your mind, he was likely the most normal person you’d ever been assigned to. 

The drive to your destination was as uneventful as it could be, spent mostly with you internally going over everything one last time, and occasionally checking how you looked at red lights. You arrived a bit early, which you hoped would reflect positively on you given that Jeongin said that Changbin was a prompt person (and it was really one of the only things you had to go on.)

You were probably standing in front of the building for less than a minute or so before you heard a voice from the left. “Excuse me, ma'am– are you Y/N?” the voice asks, and you turn quickly to look at the man for the first time. His voice is less gruff than you were expecting; it was actually quite light, warm, and uniquely inviting.

He was also much more broad than you’d anticipated, clearly the result of years of dedicated training and diligence; the few pictures you saw of him didn't do him enough justice. You can immediately understand why his subordinates, and those unlucky enough to be arrested by him would find him intimidating, but his gaze is surprisingly jovial.

The contrast isn’t by any means unpleasant, but it is foreign to you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone so outwardly rough-looking have such a cheery disposition. “You’re Changbin then?” you smile, his own brightness helping to put you more at ease, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too! You havent been waiting long have you?” he asks, and you quickly shake your head, assuring him you’ve only been here for a few minutes at most. He ushers you to follow him, making small talk as you walk inside together.

You’re guided to your seats promptly, courtesy of his reservation, and he pulls your chair out for you. You sit with a smile; when was the last time you went on a date with someone chivalrous? You honestly couldn’t remember; most men in your life have been far from gentlemanly. 

Contrary to what you would expect, conversation flowed naturally– though you would give the credit for that to Changbin. He was very.. natural. He had an air of ease and confidence, but not in the sort of arrogant way you would find distasteful. If he was at all nervous it didn’t show, he wasn’t hesitant or awkward with any of his words.

He had the kind of confidence that comes with age and life experience, sure of himself but not overly serious, as well as the ability to poke fun at himself if the moment called for it. He was also much more open than you had anticipated, freely sharing details of himself, even if the story was something someone would consider embarrassing. 

An old mess up? Something stupid he did at his 21st birthday party? A silly mistake when he was still in the officer's academy? All of it was divulged freely, giggling at himself as he shared his stories with you. It surprised you just how himself he was.

You expected someone secretive and closed off, or someone serious to a fault with no fun to be found. Neither extreme you made up in your head fit him; and maybe he was just private and stern in work settings, while his real self was mirthful and easy going. 

You shared things about yourself as well, trying to maintain the carefree vibe he has created for your dinner together. Simple things mostly, majority of which are completely true minus the tweaking of some details to not give away anything you shouldn’t.

Memories of your childhood, what working in an office is like, and embarrassing stories of Jeongin for him to keep in his back pocket until he can bring them up at an opportune time. Time passes much quicker than you thought it would, with Changbin already taking out his card to pay the bill.

“I could pay for myself,” you say with a slight pout, though you truthfully like that he intends to pay for you; truly, he's a gentleman.

“I can’t let a pretty girl pay for her meal on a first date! It just isn’t right!” Changbin exclaims, and you can’t help but smile at his reaction. Whether or not his gentlemanly behavior is an act or not remains to be seen, but the romantic lying deep within you can’t help but enjoy it.

“How about I pay next time then? To keep it fair,” you say with a smile that Changbin returns without hesitation. “So there’s a next time?” he asks, delight written across his features.

“Of course, as long as that’s okay with you,” you say and he nods eagerly, not at all hiding his excitement. He’s a more of an open book than you were expecting, but you like it; it makes you wonder how those who work with him would feel if they could see their superior right now– all smiles and laughter, no hint of the intimidating and private man they normally see at the station. 

You find the duality appealing. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s doing the same thing you usually do; playing up his personality, or exaggerating to make you like him more– if that is the case he definitely succeeded. You don’t think you’ve ever been so genuinely entranced by someone since high school; and it’ll certainly make your task more pleasant if you don’t hate the person you’re dealing with. 

You exchange numbers as you begin to walk away from the table, and he keeps a respectful distance away from you; appropriate for a first date. He continues to chat with you about what your “next time” can entail as you approach the doors to leave the restaurant, and you like that he’s forward without being overbearing.

He says clearly what he wants and hopes for, and though you were the first to suggest a second date, you get the impression that he wouldn't have been bitter or resentful if this was where your time together ended. He's so honest, and respectful– completely unlike other men you've dealt with.

“Shall I walk you to your car?” Changbin asks as you step outside together. The sun has set during your time spent chatting and eating, but it’s not terribly dark out– the street lamps and other business offer more than enough illumination.

“No, that’s okay. I parked nearby, so it won’t take me long to get to it,” you answer. You didn’t sense any ulterior motives from Changbin, but felt it best to err on the side of caution, and not let a man you just met see the kind of car you drive. He nods understandingly, offering one last smile and telling you to be safe before he bids his goodbye to you. 

You find yourself smiling the entire drive back to your apartment, and it remains even as you undress and clean yourself up. You look at your phone when you leave the shower, and the smile grows when you realize you have a text from Changbin already, telling you he got home safe and that he had a great time with you. You flop on your bed with your phone in hand, giddy as you type your own reply. 

What you feel now is a kind of feeling you don’t recognize at first; the kind you’d feel when you have your first crush in elementary school, you think. The kind that makes you want to kick your feet as you lie under the blankets, or bury your head in the pillow and squeal.

And that’s when realization hits you; do you actually like him? Genuinely, truly like him? 

You frown as you stare up at the ceiling. It has to just be puppy love– there’s no way you genuinely like him after just meeting him once, right? On one hand, if you do like Changbin, that makes your task easier. You’d enjoy being around him, wouldn’t dread your future interactions, and would likely have a lot of fun most days. But on the other hand, wouldn’t it make things more complicated in the long run? 

Well, there’s no use worrying about it right now– at least, that’s what you tell yourself. Nothing has even seriously happened yet to confirm that the two of you will be a couple, and stressing yourself out over all the possibilities is something you recognize will only do more harm than good at the moment. It’d be better to make a plan when you’re more sure of where things are going instead of trying to plan for every outcome now. 

You sigh, tossing your phone on the nightstand as you make a conscious choice to just go to sleep. Whatever your feelings are, you’ll have plenty of time to figure things out later. For now, all you can really do is keep on the task at hand– and currently, that task is going on a 2nd date with Seo Changbin. 

“What’s got you smiling so hard?” your coworker says from your left, his sudden voice making you nearly jump out of your skin. “Seungmin!” you exclaim, hand clutching your chest as you swivel in your seat to face him. “You scared the life out of me!”

Seungmin laughs in response, clearly not at all concerned over the fact that he almost sent you to an early grave. “I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were that focused on your phone,” he says with an amused smile. Your face flushes as you realize that yes, you were incredibly focused on your phone, and yes, you were smiling very hard.

And Seungmin, being the menace of a friend that he is, couldn’t let it go unannounced. “Let me guess,” he says as rolls his chair over to your desk, crossing his legs and folding his hands together in a dramatic fashion as he leans forward, “you’re texting Mr. Blind Date?” 

“I’ve told you a million times, his name is Changbin,” you say as you push his chair away from your desk. He laughs again before rolling his way back over to you. It’s evident that he is unphased by your push, and instead finds it extremely funny.

“What’s got you so hostile? All I did was ask a simple question!” He puts his hands up in a faux surrender gesture, though the amused smirk doesn’t leave his face. You wouldn’t say you were embarrassed per se, but… Well, maybe you were.

It’d been a long time since you were genuinely infatuated by someone like this, and being caught with hearts in your eyes in a work environment wasn’t the greatest feeling. Apart from that, this was someone you were supposed to pretend to like, not actually like. But, at least if anyone was going to catch you in this state, it was your perfectly oblivious friend. 

“Yeah, well.. I really like him, I guess,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fact that Seungmin clearly saw the depth of your infatuation.

“Oh, I really like him, I guess,” he mocks, laughing when you shoot him an ‘I’ll kill you’ look. “You have your next date planned yet?” he asks next, putting his joking aside to ask sincerely. 

Seungmin had quickly become a great friend to you when you were accepted to the office, and while you definitely didn’t confess every detail of what your life was like before being hired here, you did allude to the fact that your past relationships were less than great. He could see the genuine pain in your eyes whenever someone else in the cubicle block brought up their perfect relationships and idyllic families. 

So, despite the teasing, he did genuinely care. He wanted you to be happy, and he was silently hoping that this Changbin person you met on your blind date would be the one to bring you that happiness. Of course, he didn’t know the ulterior motives behind said blind date, or about any of the previous mafia ties that led you here– though, technically those ties are no longer ‘previous.’ 

“We’re gonna meet up again tomorrow. There’s an art exhibit he wants to go to,” you answer and Seungmin lets out a little ‘oooo~’ which you roll your eyes at.

“So he’s an arts guy then?” he asks and you shake your head. “Not really, but his best friend's works are gonna be on display, and he wants to support him. He asked me if I wanted to be his plus one.” 

“Oh, ‘plus one~’, sounds fancy,” Seungmin teases, which you scoff at. “It’s nothing extravagant, Min, don’t be dramatic.” You push his shoulder, which he then clutches with a small gasp as if you actually hurt him. The rest of your coworkers shuffle into the room not long after, signaling that break time is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. 

The rest of the work day is nothing short of a hectic, stress induced mess following your break time antics. You and Seungmin are practically buried in work due to multiple people calling off after catching a cold.

All the catch up work to make deadlines is running you ragged, but the thought of having a fun day out after this is all over is keeping you going. That, and Changbin sending you cute texts of encouragement every time you complain to him about the workload. 

You breathe a sigh of relief when the backlog is finally finished, slumping in your chair and letting yourself roll away from the desk. It’s way past the time you’d usually leave for the day, but at least you’re being well compensated for the work; it was tiring, but the fat check will make it all worth it in the end. Maybe you’ll finally be able to splurge on some new clothes like you’ve been wanting to. 

Seungmin finishes his own work just moments later and throws his hands in the air with an exclamation, “Hell is over!” You laugh as you pull yourself back up to prepare yourself to go home. “I’m so ready to crash after this. I think I’m gonna collapse as soon as I step in the house," he says as he shuts down his work computer.

“Don’t crash before you have dinner at least,” you say and Seungmin groans, as if doing anything other than immediately going to sleep will ruin him. “I can eat when I wake up! Getting my beauty sleep is more important.”

“Yeah, those dark circles are getting a bit egregious,” you joke and Seungmin shoots a glare at you before he stands. The pair of you continue to bicker and laugh before you say your goodbyes, and Seungmin makes sure you promise to give him all the details of your second date when you return on Monday. 

It’s painfully obvious that you’re sick when you wake up the next morning; sore throat, cough, fatigue, and all the works. It’s also painfully obvious where you got your cold from, given all the office absentees.

The sickness that ran rampant through your coworkers was bound to catch up to you eventually, you suppose. But did it have to be today of all days? 

Canceling on Changbin made you feel awful; much more than you expected it to. You always felt bad when you had to cancel plans of course, it was never a happy thing to do, but the sadness you felt now was unmatched by any time before it.

You tell yourself it’s because you have a lot riding on this date, because your brother needs you to see this through and you can’t let anything deter Changbin from wanting to be with you, but you know deep down that’s not the truth. 

The truth is that you were actually looking forward to seeing him. That you liked him. That you wanted to hold his hand as you walked through the gallery together, to share your thoughts over a nice dinner, to maybe end the night with a kiss or two. And God, did the fact that you actually like him make you feel stupid.

What kind of idiot actually starts to like the person they are supposed to dupe in the end? Did leaving for half a year revert you back to an amateur? Did you forget all of your previous bad experiences with other men you had to do this with? 

When you walked away, you told yourself you wouldn’t be in a relationship again for a long time, sincere or otherwise. Being with awful men jaded you, and the rare times you did feel a genuine connection, the nature of your life and family ruined it.

There was a point in your life that you started to believe you didn’t deserve anything good. Everyone you met either treated you like shit, or resented the reality of what being with you entailed. Nothing you wanted was ever worth the effort or the risk for them.

With every subsequent forced proximity with a man you loathed, with every spark of love that faded because of who you are and what your family does, you withered. People will compare being adolescent to a bud, likening the growth and transition into adult life to that of a flower's first bloom. But you always felt like your bloom never came; Mother Nature skipped over you, deeming you unworthy, leaving you to rot before you ever had a chance for something more.

While other people were vibrant and colorful, you were dull and withered. The garden that was your life was barren and devoid of nutrients, and always would be. At least, that’s how you felt until fairly recently. It took time for you to realize you were deserving of good things, and that a change of environment would help you turn your life into the kind that you would be happy to live. 

Even when you started to feel good about life, and about yourself again, you figured it would still be a while before you ever began to crave the presence of a significant other again. You’d hurt and been hurt too many times, seen the worst in countless people, saw the depths of cruelty and hatred that someone could have. And good people existed, of course they did, but your world view was tainted by the ceaseless callousness you were confronted with.

How could you believe that kind people were out there when you often saw the opposite? The depravity, selfishness, and heartless disregard for anyone but themselves? The fact that you had good people in your life began to feel like a fluke, your handful of close family members and friends like small faint glimmers of light in a sea of black. 

But even when you were blind to it, even when your vision was clouded by the suffering you experienced, good people existed. Selfless people, who would give the last of what they had to help someone else. Kind people, who helped someone in need without asking for anything in return. Happy people, whose only goal was to make the world a bit brighter than it was yesterday, with one small kindness at a time. 

Changbin was one of those people. And maybe it was naive to believe that so soon, to have faith that he was different from the other men you’ve known, but you couldn’t help it. He just radiated sincerity, exuded warmth, emanated positivity.

Talking with him brought you back to the feeling of having a grade school crush; it was like he woke up a part of you that had been sleeping for years. A part of you that wanted a love like in romance movies, where everything is filled with cheesy quotes of adoration and over dramatic declarations of love. Flourishes of passion, moments where all you can think about is seeing him again, where the smallest of gestures makes your heart burst with excitement. 

You’ve only known him a short time, but you felt so utterly infatuated. Every time you spoke to each other, it felt like being on a cloud– soft and inviting, warm and bright. He was like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, offering you unmatched comfort and peace. The weeks leading up to this 2nd date where you spent hours texting, talking on the phone or facetiming was almost euphoric. 

And you suppose that’s another reason missing out on today is that much more devastating to you. Changbin became swamped with work shortly following your first date, promising that the first free weekend he’d got he’d take you on that date he promised.

Then, when things were finally calming down for him, you ended up being buried under the workload of your sick coworkers. And finally, finally, your patience would've been rewarded with today’s date. 

Would it be overdramatic to kick and scream? Maybe, but it’s all you wanted to do. And maybe tell God, or whatever higher power exists, to please let Changbin not hate you for canceling today.

Of course, he was very understanding, even offering to drive over to you and pick up anything you might need. You turned him down, telling him to go to the exhibit and enjoy it, and that you’d just get some more sleep after you took some medicine. 

It was late in the afternoon when you woke up from your cough medicine induced coma, the sun just barely still on the horizon. You knew you really should get some food in you, but the prospect of walking around your kitchen and cooking something sounded extremely daunting.

You wondered if it was too late to take Changbin up on his offer? Having someone bring you some more medicine and something to eat would be a godsend. And besides that, you just want to see him. 

You unlock your phone and immediately smile upon seeing your texts; Changbin knew you were getting your rest of course, but he still sent updates, including pictures of the art pieces and how he tried his best to interpret their meaning despite not really understanding what he was looking at most times.

His friends works were the most praised by him of course, and his enthused “This one is by Hyunjin!! My best friend is so talented!!”  was endearing to read. 

You decide to send a simple text, saying you just woke up and were hoping his offer to come by still stands if it’s not any trouble. To your surprise, a facetime request comes through moments later, and you scramble to settle into a presentable position (not that it really matters given how sick you are.)

“Y/N~” he coos when you finally answer, a small pout forming on his features when he sees your tired eyes and red nose. Changbin is sitting in his car, phone propped up on the dash as he sits in what you assumed to be the driveway of his home.

His hair is damp and his clothes loose and comfortable, giving away that he just recently took a shower and was going to start settling in for the night before you texted him. Did he rush to his car after he got your text? You suspect he did.

And you’re not sure if it’s the damp look, or the way the light of the setting sun illuminates his skin that makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst, but he’s handsome. So devastatingly handsome that you almost want to hide your sick face away. 

Changbin asks all sorts of questions during your call, like what medicines you took, what you need restocked, what you want to eat and from where. Every time you offer to pay him back, he shuts you down, always reminding you that he wants to do this for you.

He hangs up when he starts to drive so he won't be distracted, and you decide to relocate to your living room. You bring your favorite blanket and an extra pillow with you, settling in on the sofa while turning the tv to some random show you don’t intend on paying much attention to– you just want the noise.

It’s around an hour later when Changbin calls again to let you know he’s at your apartment. You were surprised he took so long, and when you open the door for him it’s easy to see why. His hands are full of bags all from the same store, apart from your food order.

“Changbin, you– what is all this?” you ask, nearly stunned. He shuffles his way inside, placing everything carefully down your kitchen counters as your front door closes behind him. 

“Well, I know you only needed a couple things but..” he says as he starts to separate the bags, placing your food off to the side as he digs through them, showing you the contents one by one. “This is the medicine you asked for. And I got you this anti-drowsy version for the daytime. Oh, and this is vitamin c, your immune system will need it! This is tea for your throat, and this is-” 

You nod along to what he’s saying, but your brain has long since stopped processing the information. You're stuck on the fact that he even bought all of this for you, that he seemed to care so much that he went above and beyond what you asked for.

When he looks up and sees your bewildered expression, he pauses, brows furrowing in concern. “What’s wrong? Is it getting worse? Do you need to lay back down?” 

“Oh, no, I..” you start to answer but well.. What do you even say? It’s hard to explain why such a simple kindness would render you so incapacitated.

“If you’re worried about how much I spent, it’s fine! Nothing I can’t make up with another day at the office,” he says with a smile. “Oh, but you shouldn’t still be standing! Here, let’s sit you down.” Changbin guides you to your sofa, hurrying back to your kitchen to grab the food and bring it to you. He places it carefully in your hands before he sits down next to you.

You stare at the food in your hands, blinking as you try to process. He really did all this for you because he cares? He doesn’t expect anything in return? He isn’t going to complain about the costs or the effort, or make you feel like a burden?

No, you know that he won’t, and that’s the part that sends waves of an indescribable emotion through you. “Is it wrong? Did you lose your appetite?” he asks when he notices you just looking at it, leaning closer to inspect the meal in your hands, then back up to your face. 

“Oh, sorry, I guess I did for a second. I’m good to eat now though,” you fib, but smile afterwards to ease any worries he has.

“No need to say sorry for that, just eat before it happens again, okay?” Changbin watches for a few moments, making sure that the food isn’t going to make you more ill. As much as he wants you to eat to get better, he knows how hard it can be to force yourself, and how it can make any nausea you feel worse. 

When he is assured that your appetite is in fact back and that you’re eating well, he turns back to his own meal. You share a comfortable silence for a time as you focus on getting food in your system, though Changbin finishes much faster than you due to the cold slowing your pace. He doesn’t spend the time waiting for you to finish idly though– instead, he prepares more medicine for you, gets you more water, and cleans up any messes left in his wake. 

“So, what show is this?” he asks when he’s finished cleaning up the trash from your meals. You told him he didn’t have to and that you’d clean it up later of course, but he insisted upon it.

“I don’t know actually. I just put anything on,” you answer. Changbin frowns a little, cutely you might add, before he speaks. “That’s no good, you should watch your favorite things when you don’t feel good. Like.. a comfort movie! What's your favorite? We’ll watch that!”

He quickly reaches for the remote before looking at you expectantly. “Oh, uhm..” You hesitate, hoping that you appear to just be thinking about it instead of taken aback like you truly were.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had a boyfriend (genuine or otherwise) that valued any of your opinions, that wanted to give the things you liked a try, or indulge in any interests you had. Something as small as letting you choose what to watch on tv meant more to you than he could possibly realize. 

It doesn’t take much actual thought to make your suggestion and tell him where he can find it, and he beams as he follows your instructions to get the movie playing. The only problem now, you soon realize, is that you have no space to lay back down.

Given that you live alone and don’t often have company, you chose to buy a smaller sofa and save the extra money. That decision seemed smart at the time, but now you wondered if you should’ve just gone for the bigger furniture, additional cost be damned. 

Changbin watches you fumble with your pillow for a few moments, trying to find different ways to prop it up and make it comfortable to lay against, before he gets the courage to speak up. “Do you want to lay on me?”

“Huh?” you say, not because you didn’t hear him, but because you’re surprised he asked. “We can cuddle..? If you want?” he offers, the slightest bit of pink dusting his cheeks. Oh, you’re fucked. There’s no reason the prospect of cuddling should make butterflies erupt in your stomach like this. 

You nod, tentatively passing your pillow over to him. Changbin places it carefully against the arm rest before he props himself against it, motioning for you to lay against him once he’s settled. Your head rests on his chest, and Changbin wraps his arm around you carefully, ensuring that his touch is comforting and not inappropriate. You unwittingly let out a sigh as your body relaxes, and Changbin has to suppress a smile in response. 

Before you know it, your eyes are closing– Changbin is just so warm and comfortable, you can’t fight it. He smells good and his gentle touch is soothing, the slow circles he draws on your skin with his thumb lulling you to sleep. The sound of your comfort movie playing becomes almost silent in your ears, being replaced instead by the sound of Changbin’s breathing and the steady beating of his heart. 

The movement of Changbin’s leg eventually stirs you awake, and you sit up with a yawn, rubbing your tired eyes. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologizes before he stretches out his legs. You guess they must’ve fallen asleep after being in the same position for a while.

“How long was I asleep?” you ask as you turn your attention to the tv. The movie you picked was no longer playing, and it seemed to be half way through a different one. 

“I’m not sure, a few hours maybe?” he replies; after you settled on him, he couldn't reach his phone. His only judge of time has been the movies playing.

“What? Really?!” You scramble for your phone to check the time and see that Changbin was right– you have been asleep on him for at least 2 and a half hours. “You could’ve woken me up,” you frown, but Changbin shakes his head vigorously, as if that was never an option.

“No, you’re sick! You needed the rest.” He had a point of course, but you still felt bad that he was probably bored out of his mind uncomfortable letting you sleep on him like that for so long.

Changbin notes your pout, and thinks about how cute you are to him, even when you’re sick, and puffy, and tired. “Why don’t you go to bed for the night? Your body needs it,” he suggests after you let out yet another yawn. 

“Yeah, okay,” you nod, and Changbin quickly rises to his feet to help you stand (though you would argue you are stable enough to walk on your own.) He carries your pillow for you, and would’ve carried your blanket as well if not for the fact that you currently had it wrapped around your body like a cocoon. 

Your room is a bit messy, but thankfully there’s nothing lying around that you would be embarrassed for him to see. Changbin sets your pillow down before ensuring that you get in the bed. He turns to walk away once you're settled, promising he’ll lock the door on his way out and text you tomorrow.

But in a move that surprises even yourself, you call out to him before he makes it back to your bedroom door. He faces you quickly, head tilted as asks what’s wrong. “Do you want to stay?” your voice comes out smaller than intended, but Changbin hears you clearly.

And it’s his turn for his heart to feel like it’s going to burst, hoping that the faint blush rising to his cheeks is masked by the darkness in you room. “I mean, it’s late so..” you continue when he doesn’t answer right away, hoping you haven’t overstepped a boundary by asking. 

“Of course, I’d like that,” he says to your relief. He’s nervous as he makes the short trek back to your bed, both of your hearts pounding in your chests as he moves the blanket to lie down next to you. It feels like you’re a teenager again rather than an adult pushing thirty when he settles in and looks at you, face just a few mere inches away from yours. It's almost embarrassing how easily he gives you butterflies.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he admits suddenly, his voice almost a whisper as his eyes search for yours in the darkness. “What if you get sick?” you ask, laughing when he exclaims in response. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I cared about getting sick!” 

“Fair point,” you smile as you inch your way a bit closer to him. He reaches out for you, arm wrapping around your waist as he moves in, close enough for you to feel his breath against your skin. The first kiss you share is light, almost careful, and soft, but it’s enough to make your stomach flip. Changbin has a small smile when he pulls away, which makes you smile as well. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you say and he shakes his head, his own smile growing. “It’s the least I can do for my girlfriend. I mean.. I hope you will be, anyways.”

“Of course I will be,” you giggle, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” “In that case!” Changbin rises suddenly, surprising you as he clasps your hands in his. “Y/N. In case it’s not obvious, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?” 

You giggle as you accept, and his smile is beaming as he lies back down and pulls you into another kiss. “Get some rest now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up,” Changbin speaks softly as his arms wrap around you in a hug.

You close your eyes as you nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck, feeling nothing but happiness and comfort as you once again fall asleep against him.

The weeks following making your relationship with Changbin official are simultaneously the most elating and the most fraught you’d ever lived. Both of which due to the fact that Changbin seems to be literally perfect.

He’s attentive, funny, and incredibly caring, all while being devastatingly cute and handsome. He’s also the most selfless and encouraging person you’ve ever been with, and it riddles you with guilt every time you remember what you ultimately have to do. 

Can you bring yourself to betray him after all this? Your allegiance is supposed to align with your brother, but the more time you spend with Changbin, the more you question if it’s something you can really do. He was just so different, almost painfully so– the mere thought of breaking his trust fills you with a dread you’ve never experienced before now. 

Apart from that, as you expected, Changbin keeps his work life and home life separate. He might tell you he’s stressed, or in vague terms he'll talk about why a case is hard for him currently, but he never shares details. And you never press him, though technically you should.

That’s what you were supposed to be doing here– getting information, passing it along, giving Chan the upper hand he needs to help Minho. And the fact that you don’t press for details, the fact that you don’t want to, also fills you with guilt.

You should want to help your brother, to help Minho out of his situation, but you don’t. Plus, you’re only here because Chan asked you to be, because he set everything up for you, because he put his trust in you.

Yet here you are, 3 months later with nothing to show for it. Chan is patient, he isn’t expecting any huge revelation right away as he knew building trust with someone isn’t something that happens over night, but it won’t be that way forever.

You don’t know when, but a time will come when your brother asks you what you have. What you’ve learned, how your progress with Changbin is, and what steps you’ve been taking to gather information. But what will you even say in response?

Can you be honest in that situation, and admit that you like Changbin too much to hurt him? You’re torn between the obligation you have to your brother, and the feelings you have for Changbin. What will you do when you inevitably have to choose between them, and decide which bond is the more important one to uphold? 

“You okay, honey?” Changbin’s voice snaps you from your thoughts. “Oh, sorry, just nervous I guess,” you answer with a smile that you hope he can’t tell is forced.

“Don’t worry, Hyunjin’s nice, I promise! And he’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” he smiles as he gives you a peck on the head. You smile and thank him, feeling a bit guilty that he’s trying to comfort you over a white lie, but telling the truth certainly isn’t something you’re ready to do yet. 

Well, maybe it isn’t entirely a lie– you are nervous to meet Hyunjin for the first time too. That’s what brought you to Changbin’s place today; his best friend, who you were originally supposed to meet the night of your 2nd date, is coming over for dinner today.

He finally has free time in his schedule following the exhibit and family responsibilities, and Changbin excitedly planned for, in his words, his best friend and his favorite girl to finally meet. 

Changbin, despite considering himself to not be much of a cook, did a lot of work to make the dinner nice. Not so much for Hyunjin of course, but for you. He’s secretly hoping you’ll be impressed by his efforts and compliment him (he lives for your praise, you've begun to notice.)

It doesn’t take much longer for Hyunjin to arrive, with Changbin being full of smiles as he introduces the two of you to each other. You try your best to not be awkward as you make small talk, though thankfully (and as usual) Changbin easily steers the conversations and makes them lively.

He encourages you to talk about yourself as well, as opposed to just making you listen to them catch up, and you appreciate that he wants you to be an active participant of the conversation instead of just existing there.

“Did Changbin tell you how we became friends?” Hyunjin asks towards the end of the meal, which makes Changbin audibly groan in response. “Do you have to bring that up every time? It’s embarrassing!” 

You chuckle as you listen to your boyfriend complain. He’s brought up embarrassing memories to you before so you are a bit surprised by his outburst, but maybe it’s because he wanted to tell you on his own time.

“But it’s my favorite story! And it’s not even embarrassing, you’re just dramatic,” Hyunjin says and Changbin pouts and crosses his arms. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide which of my memories are embarrassing or not?” 

“Well it’s my memory too, and I say it’s not,” Hyunjin says matter-of-factly. Changbin’s pout grows as he looks over at you and notices your eager expression. You definitely want to hear the story now; you’re so curious! “Fine,” he sighs in defeat as he lets his head fall to the table. “But you better not laugh!” 

“I won’t, I promise,” you say with a sweet smile. You can tell he’s not genuinely upset; if he was it would be obvious. Maybe he’s just a little nervous about what your reaction will be? But you’ll give him all the reassurance he needs that you won’t find this funny if it’s not something he’s able to laugh at too.

You give him a small kiss for being a good sport, which causes him to turn his head away to hide the smile that starts to grow when you do. You turn your attention back to Hyunjin as he begins telling the story.

“So, we’re in middle school right? And I didn’t have any friends. I was the kind of kid that preferred to stay indoors and read or draw than be outside, so I didn’t get along much with the other kids who loved to play around roughly in the yard. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but the other boys weren’t quiet about the fact that I was weird.” 

“And then Changbin transfers in later in the year, and not even a few days into his first week there, he’s already fighting kids for being mean to me! Just a boy in his class he’s never even spoken to before, and he wanted to defend me anyways.”

It’s easy to see why this is Hyunjin’s favorite story, and he smiles warmly as he tells it. “And it might be hard to imagine, but he was small back then, so he was fighting kids like, twice his size.”

“Yah! You didn’t have to bring that part up!” Changbin lifts his head to exclaim, making you giggle. “What’s wrong with that? It shows how kind and brave you were,” you say.

The pout practically melts off his face, easily turning into a small smile at your compliment. “Yeah, well.. I still am, you know.” 

“Of course I know, that’s why I like you so much,” you say before giving him another peck. His bashful smile is so sweet and cute, you have to resist the urge to attack him with more kisses in front of Hyunjin.

“See, I did you a favor by telling her! You loved the story, right Y/N?” Hyunjin wears a victorious, almost I-told-you-so type of smile as you nod. It just makes you like him more, to be honest, knowing that he’s been this way since he was young– chivalrous and sweet above all else.

“We became good friends after that. And eventually Changbin told me he wanted to help everyone someday, like a superhero.” Changbin groans again as you giggle at Hyunjin’s words. That must be another reason he’s embarrassed– wanting to be a superhero when you grow up isn’t the most realistic thing to aspire to.

Still, it's more than common for kids to want to be something impossible– and it warms your heart just how selfless he was, even then. “I knew you’d laugh,” he grumbles as he pouts. 

“I’m not laughing at you Binnie, I just think you’re cute,” you tell him sweetly, and his face turns a light shade of pink. “I feel like I’m being bullied right now,” Changbin says as he points between the two of you. “You’re banding together to embarrass me.”

“Here, I’ll make it up to you by cleaning up,” you say as you rise to your feet. “Wait, no, I’ll do it!” Changbin protests, grabbing your used plate from your hands. “You’re my guest, I’ll take care of it.”

You want to argue and help, but you know there’s no point; Changbin is stubborn about things like this. So you concede easily and sit back down.

“Changbin seems happy. I’m glad he has you,” Hyunjin says after Changbin steps away to put the dishes in his sink, apparently not wanting to fluster the man further by saying it in front of him. “It might be hard to tell now, but he was depressed for a long time.” 

Your heart squeezes in your chest at the words. You loved that you were able to make Changbin happier, but it was equally painful. You know what your reality is, and what you’re supposed to be doing here. You know, but you don’t want to.

“He’s a good man,” you reply, “he deserves to be happy.” Hyunjin smiles, and Changbin walks back in, equally as smiley and oblivious to the small conversation you just had.

Fuck, you felt terrible. You now knew quite a bit about Changbin's best with his ex, and what led to his divorce. He bore the entirety of his heart to you, feeling like it was important to bring up when you were starting to get serious so that the problems he experienced back then wouldn’t repeat themselves in his relationship with you.

He worked really hard to get where he is today, to become chief of police. He had a strong sense of justice, and an equally strong urge to help people. But eventually, that passion started to cause a rift in his relationship. His ex felt neglected and alone most nights while Changbin was spending all his free time putting in extra hours, working harder than he had to.

But he wanted to, he loved doing it, he had so much pride in his career. And that pride and passion led him to his dream position, and effectively made him the youngest person to get so far in such a short amount of time. He was proud of himself, of the life he built, and it devastated him when he realized his partner didn’t feel the same way. 

Changbin’s ex didn’t want someone who spent all their free time buried in work, they wanted him to be more present. They wanted someone to spend quality time with, who would make time for them and the family they planned to one day build, who would prioritize them above all else.

Even on his time off he thought about work, he talked about cases and sometimes even brought his work home with him– but his partner didn’t want that to be their entire life. He explained that he was confused at first; he didn’t understand how his dedication to his career could cause this to happen.

In his mind, everything was perfect– his dream career, a beautiful house, and a loving partner. It took time for him to understand their perspective and see what he could have done differently, but it was too late by then for him to make it work.

His career was important to him and he wasn’t wrong for that, but they also weren’t wrong for wanting to be with someone more attentive and less busy, and he understood that now.

That’s why he wanted to make sure you understood that about him, and would accept him if he ever spent long hours in his office or a case required his urgent attention. And in return, he’d make sure he’d do what he should to be a good boyfriend on his time off.

He'd do his best to leave work at work, to make adequate time for you and not let you fall to the wayside when a case is capturing his attention. He'd shower you with affection, he'd make time for you in whatever ways he could, he's be present– that was his promise to you.

Those years were hard for him, but he learned a lot from it; about how to find the balance between his work and home life, how to turn off his 'police chief' brain at the end of the shift, and use his time off for what it's meant for.

It’s also part of the reason he doesn’t tell you about things in detail, afraid that you might begin to resent him in the same way his ex had. That if he spends too much time absorbed in his work that you’ll just decide you’ve had enough and walk away from him. 

It was hard for Changbin to admit that to you, but he knew he had to bring it up early so you knew. But truthfully, you only ever admired him. You loved when he was passionate or excited, and you couldn’t imagine ever shutting him down or making him feel bad for it.

You loved seeing his beaming smile every time he said a case was solved, when there was a successful interrogation at the office, or evidence came back nailing their suspect. You couldn’t imagine ever seeing that unbridled joy and not smiling along with him.

And so, because his ex didn’t, you told him you were proud of him. You told him he did a good job, you shared in his happiness, you met his enthusiasm with love.

Love? Were you in love?

Is that why your heart ached so much? But it’s natural to feel bad right? Changbin is a good person and you don’t want to do something cruel to him. It’s normal to be upset about that.

It’s normal for your heart to hurt over this. It’s normal for dread to course through your veins, to not want to imagine how much pain he would be in if you betrayed his trust. That’s all normal, so surely you’re not in love with him already? Right? 

You swallow apprehensively as you look at Changbin. He’s talking animatedly with Hyunjin, his smile as bright as ever, his loud voice full of joy. Normally seeing him like that made you happy too; you’d smile right along with him, giggling at all his cute expressions and declarations.

But now there’s a lump in your throat, hands shaking as the anxiety starts to consume you. You don’t want to hurt him. You don’t want to do this anymore. You don't want to be the reason all his progress his undone.

Changbin is an observant man, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom before he can read your expression and see that something is bothering you. You take deep breaths, hands trembling as you try to calm yourself. 

You’re just anxious, that’s all it is, it’ll pass, you’ll be fine, you tell yourself. You give yourself a moment longer before washing your hands and stepping out to rejoin the men. 

Thankfully, you successfully managed to calm yourself for now, and rejoin their conversation organically. It was a relief honestly that Changbin didn’t seem to be aware of the internal battle you were having with yourself.

You mentally thanked Hyunjin for keeping him distracted enough, as you knew Changbin’s care for you would make all those emotions you’re trying to hold back erupt. And if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t ready to face those feelings just yet. 

It didn’t take much longer for the day to transition into night, with Hyunjin needing to bid his goodbyes to return to his family. Changbin made him promise to bring them next time, of course, and Hyunjin happily agreed to bring them if they were able.

The moment his friend leaves, Changbin turns to you with an almost hopeful look. “You don’t work tomorrow, right?” he asks, and you can tell by the small pout on his lips that he intends to ask something of you. 

“No, I don’t,” you assure with a soft smile, wondering what he was about to segway into. “Stay the night with me,” he continues his pout, looking at you with his puppy eyes that you’ve grown fond of.

“But none of my things are here,” you say with a small frown, which only makes his pouting even more blatant. “You can just wear something of mine! Please?”

It wasn’t really the clothes you were worried about; you had makeup on and your skin would surely suffer if you left it on all night. You weren’t sure if Changbin had anything in his cabinet that would be sufficient enough to remove it.

But God, his cute begging always made you so weak. How were you supposed to say no when he hit you with the puppy dog look? So you supposed you would have to make do with whatever he may or may not have, and apologize to your skin tomorrow by giving it some extra care once you return home. 

“I’ll stay,” you say with a faux exasperated sigh but Changbin is unphased by it, immediately beaming at you with pure happiness. “I’ll grab something for you, wait here,” he smiles as he turns quickly to his bedroom to search for suitable pajamas for you.

You can't help but smile as well by his cute behavior; Changbin may look intimidating, but he truly is a softie underneath it all. He was easily the most clingy man you’d ever met, and he had no shame in pouting or pulling a cute face to get a kiss or a smile from you.

Honestly, you really liked it. After years of dating hard men who showed no affection or genuine kindness, you loved that he seemed to have it in droves, and offered it freely. 

“Here you go baby,” he says in his cheery tone, placing his selection carefully in your hands when he returns. “You go ahead and get changed, I’m gonna clean up in here first.” He said after giving you a quick peck on the lips, turning his attention to the dishes that mounted in the sink from your dinner with Hyunjin.

You walk to his bathroom, and set his clothes down on the sink as you try to make a plan on how you can remove your makeup while doing minimal damage to your skin. 

You feel like you’ve done a decent enough job with what you had at your disposal, and now that you feel content with your makeup removal, you decide it's time to change into the shirt that Changbin provided you.

While you haven’t seen Changbin without a shirt before, anyone can tell just from a look that his muscles are big, so you hope that the shirt he provided you with will be loose enough to keep you comfortable tonight. Once it’s pulled over your head, you feel happy enough with the way it fits on you. 

It wasn’t long enough to conceal your underwear by any means, and your curves are still obvious, but it’s not overly tight or restrictive at all; you find yourself hoping that Changbin will like the way you look in it. Scooping up the dress you wore for dinner in your arms, you stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the living room where your bag was still resting on the couch.

The light in the kitchen was off, the only illumination between the spaces being the night light plugged in next to his couch. Deciding that must mean Changbin was finished cleaning up and is already in his bedroom, you swiftly shove your dress into your bag before picking it up to take with you.

The door to his bedroom is ajar, allowing light to filter into the hallway and confirming to you that's where he is. You knock carefully, deciding you shouldn’t just barge into his room if he is changing. “You can come in!” You hear his voice call out, and so you push the door open further to step inside.

As expected, Changbin had changed into his own selection of pajamas (a simple shirt and sweatpants), and was sitting at the foot of the bed with his tv remote in hand, shuffling through his selection of streaming services. Stepping in fully, you close his door behind you as you had learned from your nights together that was his preference when sleeping.

You noticed him swallow after he turned his gaze to you, but he didn’t allow his eyes to travel down to your legs. “Is the shirt comfortable enough? Do– Do you need anything else? I have shorts and–” 

“No, I’m comfortable, thank you Binnie,” you smile as you step towards the bed, placing your bag down next to the nightstand. You were sure that he wanted to look, but you strangely liked that he hadn’t. Changbin was always careful and respectful, and you were sure that as soon as he realized the shirt didn’t cover you fully, he made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on your face.

Plus, he asked if you were comfortable and offered more clothes without hesitation, which you appreciated and once again testified his chivalrous nature to you. His posture relaxed at your answer; his intention was for your body to be completely covered but as long as you were comfortable that was all that mattered to him. 

“I can’t remember whose turn it is to pick tonight so I started looking just in case,” he explains, quickly moving on now that your comfort is assured to him. You and Changbin had made a habit of going back and forth picking things to watch on the nights you stayed together, a ritual that you had come to really look forward to.

And you were fairly sure it is your turn to pick tonight, but since Changbin has been so sweet and kind to you, you wanted to let him put on whatever might have caught his eye. “It’s your turn,” you say as you settle onto his bed.

“In that case, let's watch this!” he says with a smile as he quickly shuffles through a selection of animated movies and lands on Howl’s Moving Castle. “Hyunjin was obsessed with this movie when we were kids, we’d watch it all the time,” he says with a fond smile.

You’ve seen it as well, but Changbin’s earnest joy to share a childhood film with you is incredibly sweet, so you feign ignorance as he excitedly shares his memories with you. He continues talking even as he stands to turn off the light, and crawls his way into bed next to you. 

You find his nostalgia trip heartwarming, and you listen to his tales with a soft smile, interjecting only if you have to. After getting under the blanket, he settles in against his headboard and opens his arm out for you to curl up against him as you always did.

Keeping in line with your routine, you don't hesitate to get close and lay your head against his shoulder, letting his arm wrap around you comfortably. “Comfy, baby?” he asks after you’ve finished shuffling into your usual position, and you nod, assuring him that you’re ready for him to play the movie. 

Time passes in comfortable silence, with the occasional small laugh coming from Changbin at Calcifer’s attitude. You, on the other hand, wanted to pay attention to the movie and enjoy it with him, but instead became lost in thought, not focusing at all on the scenes playing in front of you.

Your mind had wandered back to what a future with Changbin would be like. Would this routine continue even years in the future? Would you cook dinner for each other after late nights, cuddle under blankets as you watched tv, talk about the mundane things in life over morning coffee? Would you still share soft kisses, hold each other's hand at every opportunity, text each other during work just to check in and say you missed each other?

You stopped hoping for a love like this a long time ago; the domesticity that comes with sharing your life with someone you love always feeling like a hopeless dream. Was it Changbin that awoke something deep inside you, or were your feelings always there, but pushed so deep you couldn't find them anymore, where they lied forgotten and left to rot?

You’d never met someone so gentle and considerate until Changbin, and his care was laced in every interaction you had with him. Every word, every gesture, every look was so full of affection and tenderness that it left you reeling. How could someone like him exist? 

Noticing you’ve been quieter than usual, Changbin turns his head to look at you, checking if you’ve already fallen asleep. “Are you still awake, love?” he whispers softly, moving his hand from your waist to rub careful circles on your arm.

“Mm, sorry, I spaced out,” you answer, not sure if you're ready to tell him how badly you want to spend forever with him. You know you love him– it's obvious that love is what this unfamiliar feeling you are failing to push away is, but wasn't it too soon to say? You didn't want to scare him off by confessing something so deep after only having dated for a few months. 

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asks with a frown, concern clearly showing in his eyes. He was pretty sure he hadn't said or done anything wrong, at least not on purpose; he couldn't guess what could possibly be bothering you. But he can tell something is– he's never seen you look so sullen.

You swallow as you look up at him. What are you supposed to say? 'I'm in love with you, I want to spend all my days with you, you're everything I've ever wanted.' There was absolutely no way you could say all that right now– it was too much, and left you too vulnerable. 

And then there was the matter of how this relationship even started. You were supposed to make Changbin trust you so could start leaking information to Chan; the entire foundation was built with the intent of deceiving him. You didn't think you could handle the heartbreak you'd feel if you lost him; your days with him were the safest and happiest you'd ever felt, and you were scared of losing it.

You were terrified of that truth being revealed to Changbin, dread settling in your gut when you thought about what kind of expression he'd have. Anger, resentment, disgust.. All possibilities you didn't want to see on him. 

But it's not like you could simply open up about this. Sure, Chan was your brother and he wanted you to be happy, but could he really accept you being with the very officer that oversaw the arrest of Minho? Wouldn't that feel like a betrayal to him? Would he offer his blessing for you to be with someone who threatened the very existence of his life?

You couldn't imagine a scenario where he'd ever be okay with such a thing. Even if he understood you couldn't help it, you knew he'd still be upset and want you to end your relationship with Changbin regardless of your feelings. 

Everything was so complicated and there was no easy solution. No matter what choice was made, someone would be hurt– but you couldn't bear for that person to be Changbin. He doesn't deserve it, he's already been through so much pain, his healing process long and difficult. The thought of you making it worse when you were supposed to be the person helping him feel secure made your heart ache unbearably. 

Before you could even realize it was happening, tears had welled in your eyes and began falling. Changbin's heart sank when he saw your tears, panic settling in as he carefully turned to cup your face in his hands. "Why are you crying, baby? What is it?" He asked, voice soft as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs.

What are you supposed to say? 'Our relationship is built on lies. My brother is the man you've been searching for for so long. I'm scared that you'll hate me for lying to you. I'm scared to be alone after knowing what real love feels like.' Your lip quivers as the thoughts cycle in your mind. 

Anxiety is welling within Changbin, but he's trying to keep a calm exterior for your sake. He doesn't want to agitate whatever might be bothering you and make it worse, but he can't help the way his mind races through the possibilities.

He'd never seen you like this before, and it felt so sudden that he didn't know what to do for you. Everything was fine before now, but maybe you were just good at disguising when something was wrong. Maybe he had upset you without realizing, and you just pushed it aside until you couldn't any longer. 

"I.." you start, trying your best to get anything out at this point. Changbin was being so gentle and patient with you, which only spurred on your intense emotions. His gaze was fixed on you, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your skin and wiping away tears when they fell.

Even with anxiety growing in him, he didn't push you. He waited for you to answer on your own time, whispering soothing words to you. "It's okay, everything's okay, I've got you," he'd say, doing his best to console you despite not knowing the cause for your tears. 

"I love you," you say quietly, voice trembling as you wait for rejection. There's no way he'd return your feelings after such a short amount of time. Wasn’t 3 months too soon to fall in love with someone so entirely?

There's no way he'd look at you right now and think this was normal. His rejection wouldn't be harsh, he was much too considerate to hurt you, but knowing he didn't feel the same would be enough to shatter you into pieces. 

Changbin was completely stunned, brows furrowing in concern. "You're.. crying because you love me?" he asks, trying to wrap his head around your answer, and understand why that would cause you to cry like this. He certainly didn't expect this to be the way he first hears that admission from your lips.

He watches your expression carefully, trying to be patient and hear your thoughts without jumping to any conclusions or putting words in your mouth. "I.. I've never been with someone as good as you. And you're– you're so sweet to me, and I'm scared you'll leave me," you say between shaky inhales and his heart aches in response. What had you been through before now to make you feel this way? 

"I'm not going to leave you, I begged you to be here, remember?" he said, hoping the memory of him cutely begging for you to stay with him tonight would help you feel better. He continues after you nod, moving his hands to your own to hold them. "I'm not ever going to leave you, okay? I promise."

He squeezes your hands gently as your lip quivers again, eyes threatening to spill more tears as you look down at his hands grasping yours. It was so bittersweet.

You were comforted by his words, hearing them made you happy, but at the same time you knew it couldn't be true. If he learned the truth he'd hate you, he'd leave you, you were sure of it. 

But you wanted to believe he wouldn't, wanted to believe in this promise. You wanted to believe you could have a future together, where every day was full of joy and love. Even if the rational part of your brain knew how impossible it was, you wanted nothing more than for that to be your reality.

"Can you look at me?" he asks softly, and you take a deep breath before obliging, hands trembling as you once again meet his eyes. "I love you," he says and you suck in your breath, trying your best not to cry even harder than you already have been. "I love you," he repeats, keeping one hand wrapped around your own while the other returns to your face. 

He kisses you as if you're made of glass, so careful that you almost don't register it. Was it possible for a heart to break and mend at the same time? To feel euphoric and devastated all at once? Rational and coherent thought leaves you now, being overtaken by your yearning for the man in front of you. He changes his hold on your hand, intertwining your fingers as he pulls away to read your expression. 

"I don't know what you've been through before to make you cry like this, but I'm here for you now," he says softly, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your skin. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner and made you worry, but I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you."

You look into his eyes, seeing for yourself the true depth of his words. You knew Changbin was careful and considerate toward you, but he also upheld truth above all else. He didn't say things he didn't mean; he was honest even to a fault. He always said the things he truly thought, regardless of what any consequence may be. You believed he wouldn't say something like this just to make you feel better. 

So, to hear him say "I love you," it can only be true. You were both scarred from your pasts, you with abusive exes and relationships built on false pretenses with no genuine love to be had, and Changbin the sufferer of a devestating divorce, left alone by the only person he'd loved before now.

Maybe fate brought you together because you were both desperately in need of something that wasn't obtainable before. Love, connection, understanding, belonging.. Foreign feelings that had rooted in you faster than you could even fathom. 

"Kiss me again please," you say so quietly it's almost a whisper. You want the feeling of Changbin to consume you completely, this feeling of love and acceptance to encompass you in your entirety, to quell the torrential downpour of thoughts raging in your mind until he is all that is left.

Changbin hears your request despite how softly you speak, and quickly moves to oblige you, squeezing the fingers intertwined with his as a gesture of comfort. His lips against yours tune out the world around you, the movie playing in the background long since forgotten.

His kisses are one after another, soft and gentle but still enough to leave you breathless. "I love you," he reminds you again between breaths, and you don't hesitate to say it back each time, even with the way the air has dissipated from your lungs with each moment of his lips on yours. 

When he finally stops kissing you to allow you both to breathe, he rests his forehead against yours, looking straight at you once again. You thankfully have stopped crying, the crashing waves of anxiety you had felt moments ago receding with each of Changbin’s sweet touches and words.

You knew they'd return, there was no escaping from your problems, but at least for some small amount of time you could lose yourself in this moment and forget about it all. "You have no idea how much I adore you," Changbin tells you as he separates one of his hands from yours, reaching up to instead rub his thumb against your cheek.

"Thank you, Binnie… I'm sorry for crying, I must've startled you.." you frown as you look at him, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable from your outpouring of emotions. "Don't be sorry honey, it's okay.. All that matters to me is that you feel better," he says, still using his soft and gentle tone. 

Separating your hand from his, you move to pull him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around him as you bury your head into his shoulder. "You feeling okay now?" he asks as he wraps his own arm around your waist, and you nod against his neck, telling him that you just want to be close to him.

He smiles, finding the sudden clinginess endearing. After all, It's usually him being the overly touchy and clingy one of the two of you. "Let's get more comfy then," he says as he uses the strength of his arms to pull you into his lap before he shifts to let his back rest against the headboard of the bed, your legs on either side of him. 

One arm stays firmly wrapped around you, while the other travels up and down your back, ensuring that you feel comfortable and relaxed. The movie is nearing its conclusion now, but neither of you are focused on it. You are locked in your feelings of serene comfort, of a love that you'd felt was not meant for you, the way Changbin so carefully put you back together when you were falling apart.

It meant everything to you, in ways you felt no words could express. Changbin meanwhile was observing you carefully for any changes in your demeanor or breathing, just wanting to ensure he was there for you for any and every thing. 

"Binnie.." you breathe out as you sit up to look at him once more. "Yes, love?" he implores, eyes full of curiosity but also patience. He won't rush you to get anything out, giving you the time to prepare yourself to say the things that are in your head, ensuring things are always at your own pace. "I want you," you say after a breath, face heating up a bit at the admission, hoping he understands the implication of your statement. 

While you are certainly no stranger to sex, you are a stranger to intimacy. The vulnerability of offering yourself up to someone, showing them all that you are and all that you have. You've never exposed yourself to someone in such a raw way, poured out feelings so intensely and honestly.

You love him, and you want him in any and every way he would have you. You want that feeling of making love that always eluded you, the feeling of trust and care that comes with being in the hands of someone who loves you, truly loves you, and wants you as much as you want them. 

"You have me," he says, bringing his face close to yours once more, "I'm yours." Your face burns further at his confession, shivers running down your spine as your lips meet once again.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you lean into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck. You lost track of the amount of time you spent with your lips on his, the intensity building as each kiss became more heated than the last. 

Butterflies erupt in your stomach when you feel his tongue against your lips for the first time, as if you had never experienced such a thing before now. You part your lips for him, allowing his tongue to slip inside your mouth. His tongue moves in languid circles around your own, relishing in the taste and feeling of you.

You're the first to pull away to breathe properly, looking at Changbin with a flushed face, and God, is he pretty like this. He's nearly as breathless as you, dark curly hair disheveled from your fingers absentmindedly running through it, looking at you with a look you've never seen on him before.

Yearning? Desire? "You're so beautiful, you know that?" he says as he moves one of his arms to touch your face again, cupping it in his hand. "My pretty girl."

It had to be impossible for your face to get any hotter than this, you thought. Sure, you could put together that Changbin was attracted to you, but to hear him say it like this was.. different. You weren't used to this side of him yet– the side that would shower you in love and praise while looking at you with such a lust filled gaze.

"I…" you swallow, trying to squash down the shyness bubbling within you. Was it normal to feel like this the first time with someone you love? You wouldn't really know. 

"I want to.. Can you touch me..?" you finally manage to get out, despite the nervousness settling over you. "As long as you’re sure," he says, hands moving to rest on your hips as he observes your face carefully. You've had your fair share of make out sessions as your relationship progressed further, but the two of you never took it any further than that.

Truthfully, he wants nothing more than to feel you under his palms, but he hadn't yet because he wanted to take things slow and treat you right. And now it was apparent that you were going through so much internally, the last thing Changbin wanted to do was take advantage while you were emotionally vulnerable. 

"I'm sure," you nod without hesitation. You were attracted to him from the day you met him, and the more you learned about him, the more you grew to fall in love with him, little by little. You love him. You trust him.

And yes, this foreign experience did leave you shyer and more vulnerable than you ever felt, but you wanted him more than you ever wanted anyone. Changbin can see the certainty clear in your eyes, and he smiles slightly, gripping your hips a little firmer than before. "Just.. tell me if you change your mind, okay?"

"I will," you promise him, though you were certain you wouldn't be changing your mind. Changbin's care and consideration for you only made him more desirable in your eyes, and assured you that trusting him would never be something you'd regret.

Changbin leans up to meet you, pressing his lips to yours once more, squeezing the meat of your hips in his hands. You part your lips when you feel his tongue against you again, allowing it to lick against your own until his hands reach the hem of the borrowed t-shirt. 

"Is it okay to take it off?" he asks, and you quickly give your approval, lifting your arms so he can pull it over your head effectively. He stares at your topless form shamelessly, swallowingly thickly as he takes it all in.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful," he says lowly, but you barely have time to react before his lips are on yours again, needy and eager. Changbin's thumbs rub over your nipples, causing you to shudder and mewl into his mouth. 

Your body is sensitive from lack of touch, and you feel as if you're becoming dizzy from the way his fingers rub and gently pinch your nipples as his tongue stays in your mouth, never separating from your own for more than a second. You're both breathing heavily by the time he pulls away from you, the longing in his eyes clear as he looks at you.

Changbin takes your hands suddenly, placing them on his own chest. "You can touch me too. Anywhere you want," he says, watching as your face heats up in response, "I'm all yours."

You swallow as you nod, the thought of touching him intimately making your heart accelerate. He had never seen you blush like this before, and he found this new shy side to you incredibly endearing, especially knowing it was all for him. Your hands tremble slightly in anticipation as you reach for the hem of his own shirt. Changbin raises his arms without you even having to say anything, and it is quickly discarded to the floor. 

It's Changbin's turn to feel a newfound shyness as your eyes roam the expanse of his torso. While his body is definitely good, he doesn't make a habit of showing it to just anyone; it's something reserved only for moments like this, to be viewed only by someone he's comfortable with and trusts.

As you expected, he has an incredible amount of muscle built up, and you let your hands travel up his stomach, over his chest, down the length of his arms, taking it all in. Some areas of his skin held scars, from wounds you assumed he got from his time on the force, and you glided over them gently, treating them with care.

"You're amazing," you tell him when you look back up to his face, and he smiles, the cute kind you've grown to love so much. 

"Not any more so than you," he responds, turning your compliment back to you. You smile back at him, pink dusting both your faces as you pull him into another kiss. You keep it brief this time, instead opting to move down to his neck.

You feel Changbin tense underneath you as your lips touch his skin, leaving sweet kisses before latching to a spot and sucking. The soft groan that leaves his mouth goes straight to your core, and you can immediately tell it's something you'll become addicted to hearing. 

His hands are on your hips again, squeezing every time you get another groan out of him. Feeling his cock hard against you, you grind down on it experimentally, and Changbin sucks in a breath, fingers digging into your plush skin at the contact.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath, head lolling back as you continue to rub yourself against him. You separate from his neck, looking at his face as you grind down against him. His eyes are closed, brows furrowed in pleasure and lips parted, sharp breaths leaving him with each roll of your hips.

"Binnie," you call to him, and he quickly moves his head up right, opening his eyes to look at you. You stop your movements, instead dipping your hand in his waistband to feel his cock with your own hand as you capture his lips with another kiss. It’s thick in your hand, so much so that you almost can't wrap your fingers entirely around it. 

He hisses at the contact, body shuddering as you run your thumb over the tip and smear the pre-cum gathering there. Just as he had done to you, you lick at his lips, swallowing his groans as your hand runs up and down his length.

Your free hand rests on his chest, helping to keep you stable as you enclose your fist around his cock, pumping it at a steady pace. Changbin makes no effort to quiet himself or hold back, and you love it. He's vocal, letting you hear for yourself how good you're making him feel, arousal building more and more within you for every new noise you earn from him. 

He breaks away from the kiss, looking down to watch your hand work him. “God-” he groans, unconsciously bucking his hips up to meet your fist. He forgot what the feeling of having someone else’s hand on him was like, and you were good; way too good.

He would undoubtedly cum if he let you keep going, and he didn’t want that to happen before he got the chance to please you. "W-Wait," he manages to say, chest heaving as he tries to steady his heavy breaths. You quickly retract your hand, worry clear on your face as you look at him.

Did you do something wrong? Move faster than he was ready for? Changbin can easily spot the worry growing on your expression and he quickly moves a hand to your face, rubbing gently as he had done earlier to comfort you. "Don't worry baby, it felt really good. But I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you." 

You flush at his words, stomach flipping in anticipation as you await his next move. "Is it still okay to touch you?" he asks, hands remaining in place until you give him your okay. "Yes.. please," you say and Changbin smiles before he gives you another quick kiss.

He reaches a hand between your legs, rubbing over your underwear and feeling the way the arousal that built up soaks through it. "Oh God," he groans at the proof of your excitement, and heat flashes over you in response. You bury your head into his shoulder, whining as embarrassment overtakes you. Changbin chuckles softly at your reaction, finding you incredibly cute like this. 

"Tell me to stop at any time if it's too much," he whispers to you softly; no matter how turned on he is or how much he enjoys this new side of you, it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable and not enjoying it with him.

"I'm going to put my hand in now," he tells you, pausing for a moment in case you want to tell him to wait. Getting no protests, he slips his hand into your underwear, rubbing between your folds carefully to start with. 

"Tell me what you like,” Changbin says, his first touch of your clit being feather light and almost cautious, “What makes you feel good?" He looks at you attentively as he waits for your answer, trying his best not to smile from the bashful expression on your face.

Of course he would ask you that, it’s Changbin. He’s earnest, considerate, and thoughtful; everyone is different and he knows that, so he wants to hear what you like straight from your own mouth instead of risking fumbling around until he finds what you like through chance. 

Besides all of that, he has to admit that hearing you tell him what you like yourself makes the moment all the more erotic for him. How can he skip over the opportunity to make his normally confident girlfriend a shy, blushing puddle? 

You want to answer him right away, but between his gaze at your face and the way his finger rubs easily over your clit, your brain feels muddled. The way your mouth slightly opens and closes in an attempt to get something out as your face heats up for the umpteenth time doesn’t go unnoticed, so Changbin smiles softly as he whispers encouragement to you. "You can do it, love. Tell me what you like."

“A-A bit harder,” you manage to mutter, and Changbin wastes no time to do as you ask. “Like this?” he inquires as he applies more pressure, watching you closely to gauge your reaction as he does.

The way your hands grip at his shoulders tighter as your head slumps forward with a soft moan emitting from you tells him that he’s on the right track at the very least. “Is that good?” he asks, gently brushing the hair that fell in front of your face behind your ear so he can see you clearly. 

You nod, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as a whimper escapes you. Changbin smiles, and if you were looking at his face you would clearly see the expression of soft satisfaction on him. Not smug by any means, just simply happy to see you enjoying this as much as he is.

“Can you lean back for me?” he asks, and your brows furrow, a little confused by his request, but you oblige him. You lean back, resting your palms behind you and against his legs for support. 

Changbin thanks you before leaning himself forward, making the intention of his request clear by attaching his lips to your neck in the same way you had done to him. He wanted to mirror the attention you gave him, to make you feel as good as you made him feel in any way he could.

His free hand travels to one of your breasts, giving a few gentle squeezes before he begins to rub your nipple between his thumb and finger. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, your body not used to this kind of attention being given to it, that it leaves you a whining and shuddering mess on top of him. 

His teeth sink gently into the skin connecting your neck with your shoulder, not enough to leave a mark just yet, but enough for you to feel pressure. The contrast between his sharp teeth and gentle licks and kisses lights a fire in you, the desire that was once a small kindling becoming a much larger, fiercer blaze.

You want more, you want him, you want, want, want. He leaves a trail of red on your skin, licking the spots his teeth sink in, peppering them with kisses, and repeating on each new patch of skin he reaches.

Changbin figures he should probably stop before he actually marks your neck; you do work an office job after all. So he pulls away, instead opting to sink his head lower. He plants soft kisses on the nipple that wasn't receiving attention from his fingers, before letting his tongue run over it.

You gasp at the feeling of his tongue on you, and cast your gaze down to look at him. His eyes are locked on yours as you watch his tongue draw circles on your nipple before enclosing his mouth around it. The view alone felt like enough to drive you crazy; it was just so hot, for lack of a better word.

Your hands reach to tangle into his hair, and he groans at each soft tug, encouraging him to keep building the pace and pressure of his fingers on your clit. You're not sure how much time the both of you spent like this; all you can really comprehend is how good it feels, and that you're nearly breathless when he pulls away from your body.

"Do you want more?" he asks you, trying not to give away how eager he actually is in case you don't want that. "Yes, yes, please," you answer quickly, too far gone to be embarrassed by your eagerness, and Changbin smiles as he pulls his hand out of your underwear. "Lay down for me please?" 

You comply with his request, carefully moving yourself off his lap and laying your head against his pillows. Your body trembles in anticipation as he moves himself between your legs, his expression as lust filled as it is soft. His fingers hook into the hem of your underwear, but rather than pulling them down right away, he glances at you once more. "I want to take them off you now, is that okay?" 

"Yes," you assure him, voice soft but sure, and you lift your legs up to make it easier for him. Changbin beams at you once more before he carefully moves your underwear down your legs, tossing them to the side afterwards.

He leans down to kiss you, his hand running down the soft expanse of body to reach your pussy. He rubs between your folds for a few moments, allowing his fingers to get even wetter before he slips one inside slowly. You whine into his mouth at the insertion, and Changbin begins to pump shallowly, prepping you to take another finger. 

A whimper escapes you as his second finger enters you and he pulls away from your mouth to look down at you. "You're so beautiful," Changbin whispers to you as he takes in everything with his eyes. Everything about you is perfect to him, top to bottom, ethereal in every single way. And the fact that you love him, that you want him, that he gets to do this with you… 

He wants to show you much you mean to him with every word and every action. He'll never leave you questioning ever again, never make you doubt your worth or his love. He's so insanely infatuated by you, and he'd never forgive himself if he made you feel unloved and unappreciated. 

He took things slow at first because he needed to. Losing someone he loved because of his own mistakes was something he never wanted to feel again. He didn't want to be heartbroken and he didn't want to lose you; he wanted to show you he could treat you right if you gave him that chance.

So with that in mind he made a conscious effort to be a gentleman, to move at your pace and to respect anything you may or may not want. He gave you his undivided love and attention, he made sure to always express earnestly how much he liked you. And when he realized he was falling in love with you, he knew he had to be better than the person he once was, now more than ever. 

If he wanted just sex, or a shallow connection, he could get that anywhere. What he wanted was love– real love. A person who'd cherish him as much as he did them, who would listen to him, indulge him in his needs, who'd care for him on his bad days, and he'd give it all back to that person in return.

After many failed first dates, or time spent getting to know someone only to realize they weren't compatible, he'd nearly given up hope. So when Jeongin suggested a blind date with you, he thought there was nothing to lose by giving it a shot.

He didn't expect for it to go so well, to become addicted to your smile and your voice, to crave your presence any time he was home, to want to shower you with affection and be showered with it in return. The way you're looking up at him now, entrusting yourself to him, wanting him.. It makes him happier than words can even express.

"You're perfect.. so perfect," Changbin continues, watching as your face heats up from his doting. He's always complimented you, but he understands how different it must feel for you right now. To be showered with affection and love while exposed, while vulnerable, while portraying your authentic self both emotionally and physically– he knows how overwhelming it can be.

And the way you opened up to him, the way you cried for him, the way you expressed your love for him– he knew he could never hurt you the way others have. He wanted to take your heart in his hands and cradle it, protect it. To have you was a gift he'd cherish, and he wanted to make sure you knew how much you meant to him. "I love you."

You barely have time to respond before he kisses you, beginning to move his fingers inside you in earnest. Changbin starts slow, making sure you're well adjusted and comfortable before he picks up his pace. Your breathing goes uneven when he starts to pump his fingers fast, his fingers inside up to the knuckles. You let out a loud gasp when he curls his fingers, hitting your spot expertly.

"Does it feel good, baby?" He asks as he hits your spot over and over again, making you feel dizzy with pleasure. You nod your head quickly at Changbin's question, feeling like trying to conjure words right now is beyond your capabilities. 

"You look so beautiful, feeling so good for me, so perfect," he continues, chuckling softly as you whine in response, trying to resist the urge to look away from him or cover your face in embarrassment. He realizes he's just repeating himself at this point, but your reactions to his praise make it too enjoyable to resist doing. 

"You're so cute," he says, placing soft kisses against your skin as he shifts himself lower, resting between your legs. Changbin pauses the movement of his fingers as he gets comfortable, waiting for you to lift your head to look at him before he continues.

You almost feel like you could pass out; his dark eyes boring into yours, his curly disheveled hair sticking to his skin as sweat forms on his brow, a slight smile evident and complimenting his features. It's overwhelming in the best way possible. 

"I want to do more for you, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asks, the contrast between the soft smile and the lewd request leaving you reeling. "O-Oh, please," you answer eagerly, practically begging for Changbin to do anything and everything he wants to you.

The heat on your face is still apparent but your shyness has become increasingly overridden by need and desperation. You know he'll put all he has into pleasing you, and you want it, crave it. You almost miss the way his eyes glint in excitement before he lowers his head, not wasting any time at using his tongue against your clit.

"Oh my god-" you let out a shaky moan, head falling back against the pillows and body shuddering. His tongue moves in expertly practiced circles, lips enclosing around it as he resumes the thrusting of his fingers. His pace is fast but accurate, hitting your spot over and over as his tongue laps at you. 

You're almost embarrassed by how close you're getting so quickly, whining and moaning repeatedly as your body trembles beneath him. The noises emitting from you are everything to Changbin, soft and sweet just like you, addicting and laced with honey.

Your hips are rolling against him, fingers tangled in his hair, each tug eliciting a groan from him that makes the stimulation on your clit even more intense. "S-So clo-close," you manage to gasp out, toes curling as you quickly approach your high. 

As much as Changbin would love to whisper praises and encouragement as you cum, he doesn't want you to lose the built up momentum by pulling away from you to talk. Instead, he hums in acknowledgement, keeping his rhythm steady as he awaits your release.

Your climax hits you hard, back arching as the intense feeling of relief overtakes you. Your entire body is tingling, mind being numbed by pleasure as your thighs enclose around his head. Even as you clench tightly around his fingers, he keeps the pace the same, helping you ride out your high until he feels you start to squirm away in overstimulation.

He sits up when your thighs relax and fall back against the bed, looking at you with a mix of endearment and satisfaction. You're completely breathless, chest heaving and face flushed, sweat clinging to you and leaving a sheen he can only describe as ethereal. Your beauty is beyond any tangible words he can conjure, but he'll try his best to express it to you, to make you understand how perfect you are to him.

"You did so well for me, baby," he tells you as he slides his fingers out of you, watching you intently as he brings them to his mouth. You swallow as you watch Changbin lick them clean, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the way he maintains eye contact with you through it. "My pretty girl tastes so good too," he says as he crawls back up your body, "So perfect for me." 

"Changbin," you whine with a small pout, and he chuckles as he looks at you fondly, gently brushing the hair clinging to your forehead away. "It's true, you're so perfect. My perfect girl," he smiles as he places a kiss on your temple, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. "You know that, right? You're so pretty," Changbin whispers to you, running his fingers through your hair passively as he looks down at you. 

"Are you trying to make me shy on purpose?" you ask and he laughs, shaking his head. It must be payback for how he felt over dinner.

"I'm just speaking my mind! How cute your reactions are is just a bonus." He kisses you again, pulling you closer to his body as he does. He wraps his arms around you in a hug, pressing your bodies together, and you can feel his erection pressing against your thighs. 

"Do you.. want to keep going..?" you pull away from his kisses to ask. "Mm, I'd love that, but do you want to?" Changbin would be overjoyed to continue, but he didn't want to assume.

If you decided this was enough excitement for you for one night, then he'd accept that, no questions asked. He had all the time in the world with you, and there was no need to rush, nor did he want you to feel pressured. 

"Yes, I want to," you assure him. You knew you wanted to from the start, to feel him wholly and be consumed by the love and trust you have for him. Your mind was full of him, and you wanted your body to be the same. 

“Would you like me to use a condom?” Changbin asks, motioning towards the bedside drawer where he keeps them. He knows from your time together that you’re on birth control, and that you’d be safe if he didn’t use one, but he wouldn't make any assumptions about what you’d be comfortable with. To be with someone without protection required so much trust and love; it was intimate and not something to be taken lightly. 

There is a small moment of hesitation, but not because you have to think about it– no, you know for a fact you want him inside you raw. But how do you say that to his face without feeling like you’re going to combust on the spot?

The romantic inside you reasons that you want to feel him with no barriers because you love him, you want to be close to him and give yourself completely to him. The desperately horny part, meanwhile, is full to the brim with the thought of Changbin’s cum shooting inside you. 

Changbin watches you patiently despite the way his body is screaming in desperation to feel you. He wants you so badly, almost carnally, but he’ll hold back as long as you need him to, be composed and accommodating for as long as necessary.

His heart nearly skips when you finally speak, the anticipation being held by the thinnest of strings, but he’ll be happy no matter what your answer is. Changbin just wants you, that’s all he knows and all that matters. 

“Don’t use one, don’t want you to,” your voice is soft and timid, almost a whisper, but Changbin hears it loud and clear. He’s so focused on you, attuned to you, that he can’t miss it.

His heart quickens as he nods, rendered speechless in what was likely the only time he ever would be. He leans down to kiss you once more, so overtaken by love and excitement that he really can’t help himself. 

His heart races once he's lined himself up at your entrance, but he pauses when he looks at your face, painted with a nervous expression that he can't ignore. "What's wrong? Did you change your mind?" Changbin's expression shifts to concern as he looks down at you, but you quickly shake your head, trying to dispel any worry from him.

"N-No, I still want to! I just– I've never… with someone I love, I mean." You tell him, voice slightly trembling from your admission. There was a time in your past, your first time, where you thought you knew what love was, what it meant and what it felt like. But you were so young then, and anything you felt then paled in comparison to what you felt now with Changbin. 

"Y/N.." Changbin breathes, using your name for the first time all evening. His expression is one of genuine care for you, his eyes soft and full of affection as he gently moves his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. "I'll take care of you, I promise." 

Those men before you who were cruel to you, who didn't treat you with the love and reverence you deserved, who didn't appreciate your beauty and kindness– they were so fucking stupid. He would never make that mistake. He'd do anything for you, love you with all he has and all he is, care for you until the end of his days. That's his promise to you. 

"I know, Binnie. I trust you." You bring a hand up to his face, making sure his eyes are locked on yours as you continue. "Make love to me, please." Changbin’s heart erupts in his chest, the sound of those words falling from your lips strengthening his resolve to be the best he possibly can be for you.

He kisses you softly, squeezing your hand in comfort as his length slowly pushes into you. The stretch stings, but the choked groan Changbin makes is more than enough to make you ignore the discomfort. Changbin stills when his hips are flush with yours, letting you get used to the stretch while continuing to squeeze your hand and pepper your face with gentle kisses. 

“Feeling okay, love?” he asks as he pulls away to check in with you. Tears poke the corners of your eyes, though from pain or emotion he cannot tell. You look up at him, feeling breathless at the sight of him.

The way he looks at you, so full of love and compassion, is unlike anything you’ve experienced with anyone else. “More than okay,” you answer with a soft smile that helps to ease his concern for you, “want you to move.” 

Changbin starts slow, making sure you’re well adjusted before he thrusts in earnest. It doesn’t take him long to figure out the pace and angle that’ll make you see stars, his earlier doting on you with his fingers having prepared him for this moment.

It’s almost too much, your body feeling like a live wire. His free hand travels down to your leg, moving it up and hooking it into his arm to allow himself to sink deeper inside you.

“Fuck, so good, feels so good,” Changbin babbles against your skin, fingers sinking into the flesh of your thigh, letting his nails mark your skin with small crescent moons. He wants to be attentive, wants to care for you properly and make sure he’s pleasing you, but he’s losing composure much faster than he thought he would. 

Changbin’s overwhelming lust for you was held in check by a cracked dam, and the more he felt you squeezing around him, the larger the cracks grew. The break is imminent, a tsunami threatening to overtake him at any moment. But he’ll do his best for you until then, make you feel good, and loved, and happy, until restraint leaves him and his high consumes him. 

“Love you so much, want you to cum for me again,” he breathes out before he captures your lips in another kiss. Your kisses are much less romantic than before, having devolved into a mess of tongue and teeth, moans and whines being devoured in the shared breath between you. “You’ll cum for me again, right pretty? Want you to so bad, please, want it,” Changbin all but begs, and fuck, does that do something to you. 

He starts to separate his hand from yours with the intent to give more attention to your clit, but you squeeze it firmly, not wanting to let him away from you. Instead, you let your opposite hand sink down to give yourself the stimulation you need, making Changbin groan as his eyes follow your movements. There was something about the way you needed more but weren’t willing to let go of his hand for it that made his heart, and cock, swell. 

He stutters out all the praises he can, telling you how good you are, how beautiful, how soft and warm and perfect. “Kiss, please, want a kiss,” you whine out as your high looms closer, and he obliges in an instant, greedily swallowing the loud salacious moans coming from you.

Your entire body tenses, like a pulled string on the verge of snapping, and Changbin’s hips stutter in response, sloppily chasing his orgasm with you. Is it supposed to be this euphoric? To be all encompassing, to consume you completely until there was nothing left but this feeling?

The love and pleasure you feel is overwhelming, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the taut string finally snap. You squeeze his hand once more, grounding yourself as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave. Changbin follows you almost instantly, fucking you through your shared highs and whining into your mouth until overstimulation takes hold of him. 

His arm unhooks your leg, letting it fall limp to the bed as he lies on top of you, breathless and spent. Despite the exhaustion slowly creeping in, he does his best not to let his body weight crush you underneath him. You’re equally as breathless, mind and body buzzing in a post orgasm haze. 

His head rests against your shoulder, eyes closing as he collects himself. Your arms wrap around him, keeping him in a close embrace that Changbin finds both endearing and soothing. A content sigh escapes him as he listens to your breathing soften, a gentle calm that beckons him to fall asleep.

But despite how his body screams at him for rest, he wants to take care of you first. So he lifts his head, giving you a small kiss as he lets his softening length slip out of you. “Let’s clean you up,” Changbin says as he wraps his arms around you, picking you up from the bed effortlessly.

You can't help but squeak in surprise, wrapping your arms around his neck for support as he walks to the bathroom. You always thought you weighed too much to be princess carried by anyone, but if anyone was going to prove you wrong, it would be Changbin.

He sets you down on the counter carefully before he reaches behind you to wet a cloth. He wipes between your legs carefully, making sure there is no discomfort or sting as he does. “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he says softly as his hand travels over the nail indentations left behind on your thigh.

“I didn’t even feel it,” you admit as your eyes follow the path his hand travels. You were so lost in everything else Changbin was making you feel that the usual tinge of pain you’d feel from nails digging in your skin didn’t even register.

Besides that, part of you had to admit that you kind of liked it; it was proof of your time together, and having his mark etched on your skin was both comforting and exciting. You look up at his face to still see a subtle expression of concern, so you reach your hand out to his face, beckoning him to look at you.

“You can mark me more if you’d like. I want to be reminded of where you touched me.” Changbin blinks for a moment, dick unceremoniously twitching before a smile spreads across his features. “Yeah? Want everyone to know you’re mine?”

You nod with a smile of your own, and God, if his body wasn’t screaming at him to sleep he’d make you fall apart under him again, right here and now. “I’ll make sure I mark you up good next time then, love.” He takes a step back, tossing the soiled wash rag into the laundry bin and letting you use the bathroom as he washes his hands. 

When you’re done, he scoops you back up in his arms, a small protest leaving your lips. You insisted that you were fine, could walk on your own, but the slightest wobble of your legs was all Changbin needed to see to decide you needed to be escorted back to bed. He sets you down carefully before crawling in next to you, his arms wasting no time to wrap around you and keep you close. 

You sigh softly, head burrowing into the crook of his neck as you relax in his embrace. It’s a serenity you’ve never experienced before, being in his arms like this after sharing such an intimate moment together. For the first time in years, you had someone that made you feel safe, loved, and protected.

It doesn’t take long for Changbin to fall asleep, and you watch him for a few moments, listening to the soft sound of his measured breathing. You don't know what you'll do in the future, what will happen when you have to make a confession to your brother about what Changbin means to you, but there is one thing you do know– Changbin will never be the person you turn away from. 

To say Changbin is exhausted when he returns to work on Monday would be an understatement. But it was a good kind of exhausted; the kind you’d feel after completing a marathon or climbing a mountain, he imagines.

He’s never been so happy to be tired in his entire life, he thinks. Even as the caffeine from his copious amounts of coffee leaves his system, his joy carries him through the work day. 

The Saturday night he spent with you after having dinner with Hyunjin made him elated beyond words. The closeness and sensuality of your evening was something he’d be craving for so long. He missed the feeling of mutual love, of intimacy and closeness with someone else. And you were so perfect, so lovely and stunning in both mind and body, that he felt lucky to be loved by you. 

He took you once more the following Sunday, whispering sweet nothings to you as his hands touched and squeezed any part of your body they could reach. You showered together, spent the afternoon cuddling on the sofa while watching movies until he ordered dinner. He (begrudgingly) let you leave back to your apartment as the sun began to sink further in the horizon, though he made you promise you’d be back later in the week. 

When he went to bed a little while later, all he could think about was how it felt having you next to him, wrapped in his arms with a loving and serene expression. He missed you, of course he missed you, and somehow it made a smile stretch across his face.

How long had it been since he felt like this? Giddy with love, always thinking about the other person, craving their presence for just a few moments longer, until eventually you can’t imagine your life without them always near you. 

Changbin wanted that with you, wanted a future where you are always with him. To wake up to you next to him every morning and cuddle in bed with you every night. He thought about taking you on surprise dates, spoiling you with delicious meals and nights out in the city. He imagined you waiting at home for him after a draining work day, and how your presence would allow it to all melt away.

You’d plant soothing kisses against his skin as you help him into the warm bath, letting him unwind while you took care of him. You’d take dote on him sweetly, tell him how much you love him, and he’d do the same for you without question. Anything you wanted, anything you needed that he could offer, he would give to you. Because he loves you, and you love him, and that’s all he needs to be happy. 

And it didn’t take long for that inward joy to spread to his outside features; Changbin is a bit of an open book when it comes to love and affection after all. Jeongin had texted you that same morning, asking what on earth you did to make Changbin appear so elated, and it made you giggle as you imagined how his coworkers must’ve felt seeing their normally stoic and serious chief being so delighted that he just couldn’t hide it. 

It was no secret to Jeongin that whatever you were doing with Changbin was real on your end. He’s watched you suffer through enough pretending and agony to know what genuine happiness looks like on your features.

On the days you come to pick up Jeongin to spend time with after work, your face always lights up when Changbin waves to you. The small giggle you let out when Changbin checks around himself to make sure no one is looking before he blows you a kiss is one Jeongin has rarely ever heard. 

The both of you are so obviously in love that Jeongin would almost be sick if he wasn’t so relieved to see you smiling like that again. As far as he remembers, the last time he saw such a genuine and bashful smile on you was when you were still kids, untainted by the ugliness of the world and its harsh realities.

He was aware of the tumultuous life you led, and the mental toll it took on you; so to see you happier these days was priceless to him. But he also knew what you led you here, what you would eventually have to do, and that made him scared for you. He didn't want to see you lose the happiness you attained after so long. 

“When are you going to talk to Chan-hyung?” Jeongin asks during one of his visits to your apartment, weeks later. You freeze, and he almost feels bad for asking as he watches the way your expression changes into one of dread. But it's not something he can avoid asking; he needs to hear your answer.

He needs to know if you have a plan, and what it entails; he wants to help you. "I.. don't know," you answer honestly after a moment. You spent a lot of time agonizing over it, what you should do and what you should say, but nothing ever seemed right. 

The outcome you hoped for, where your brother didn't hate you and your life with Changbin is untainted and perfect, seemed so impossible. You forget for a while, when Changbin sweetly holds you in his arms and reminds you how much he loves you, but the dread always returns.

You sit in your apartment, alone and afraid for the future every single day. You don't want to lose what you have, don't want to feel the absence of those you love, but maybe that's what is meant for you. Maybe that's what you deserve after spending your adulthood the way you have.

Do the people who lie and hurt others willingly deserve happiness? Even though it's never what you wanted, even though you felt like you had no choice, did it taint you irrevocably? Did the universe care that you were trying to change your life, did your apologies even matter? Maybe your mistakes doomed you to a miserable fate long before you could even understand the implications of them. 

"I'd help you, you know," Jeongin reminds you, and you try your best to thank him with a smile. Chan may be a brother to him, but you're his sister just as much, and he'd always help you if he could. He didn't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else; you deserved to have something good after all this time.

You usually try to hide your feelings, not wanting to burden the boy you consider your little brother with your troubles. But you're not kids anymore, and Jeongin isn't blind– he can easily tell when you're distressed, and he can help you if you let him. At least, that's how he feels. 

"I know Innie, and I appreciate it, I just.. I'm scared, I guess," you say after some time. "Chan-hyung won't hate you. He might be upset, but he won't ever hate you," he responds, and you let out a shaky breath. He won't, right? You're his sister, he loves you, he's supported you before in your choices– so it won't change now, right? 

"I don't know what to say to him.. Every time I try to find the words, I feel like I'm stuck. Like everything is lodged in my throat and I can't speak no matter how much I want to," your lip quivers as you try to hold back the tears while you speak.

You've thought about this so many times, over and over again, and it hurts. And you don't want to cry, you do enough of that on your own in the privacy of your bedroom, but the tears still threaten to pour out of you despite it. 

"You don't have to admit you love Changbin necessarily..? Just remind him you left for a reason, and that coming back to it has been bad for you. Tell him that you tried your best for him but you can't do it anymore. I think he'll understand." You swallow and nod as you listen to his advice. "And you know I support you, right? And I like Changbin, I think he's an amazing guy. I want you to stay with him." 

"Really? You do? You're not mad at him over.. you know, family stuff?" you ask, suddenly perking up a bit. "Yeah, well, I.." Jeongin hesitates for a moment. He has his own feelings he's been trying to work out, but if you're going to share with him then he should share with you too. If you're going to be brave and face what is hard for you, then so should he.

"I have my doubts about.. staying in the family lately." He finally admits for the first time. He still remembers the day he was officially initiated in, how you congratulated him earnestly even though you were concerned for him. 

Before that day, you always told him he had a choice. He didn't have to join you, he didn't have to be involved in any of the terrible things that this life often entails. Jeongin could always tell you cared about him and wanted him safe above all else, but you still accepted his decision even when it saddened you.

You only ever looked out for him, wanted better for him, but he joined anyway because he thought it was the best way to stay with the people he loved most. You and Chan were real family in his eyes; he didn't care about blood relation or who his parents were, he just wanted to go hand in hand with his siblings. Wherever the two of you went, he would follow– that's what he decided back then. 

But he saw what it did to you. You always wore a brave face of course, but he wasn't oblivious to your pain. And he met good people over the years, especially in his new environment on the force with Changbin. Similarly to you, he met people he didn't want to hurt or betray. It made him question what he knew and what he felt until now, and if he had really made the right decision those years ago when he turned 18.

Maybe it was naive, but there was a part of him that hoped he could one day become a genuine member of the police. His current credentials were falsified of course, but maybe when he left the family he could make them real. Move out of the city, settle somewhere small and attend the academy there, rise his way up earnestly until one day he could meet the friends he made in Seoul as a true version of himself. 

He never seriously considered it before now because he felt like that's not what his father wanted for him. His father was unyieldingly loyal to your own, he always emphasized the importance of dedicating his all to the prosperity of the family. Jeongin always felt like he should follow that example, and for the majority of his life he was glad to.

But as time went on, and he got older and more experienced in life, he realized more and more how his view of things were warped. The teenage version of himself who idolized this life was understandably naive– there was no way for him to truly grasp or understand what he was getting into back then.

There was a part of Jeongin that felt guilty whenever he thought about leaving. Until his death, his father raised him to uphold the values of the mafia, and he trusted that Jeongin would make him proud. He's changed a lot over the years though, and for a lot of different reasons.

The difficult reality was part of it, but so were you and Changbin. Even before you met the police chief, your life was already improved so much by leaving. You loved your new life, your apartment. your job, and your friends. Your new normal was peaceful, you were healing, and Jeongin was so happy for you. 

He didn't realize he wanted the same thing right away. It happened in steps; a hard loss here, an exhausting day there, moments that slowly began to leave him weary. At first he thought it was just the exhaustion anyone would feel– after all, no one enjoys being stressed out or hurting others.

It was normal to want a break, or to spend some time away. There was nothing unusual about that, so he took it in stride, trusting that it would pass once things began to look up (if they ever did.) 

But things changed when he saw your vibrant smile that was so different from the forced one you used to wear, saw the way your eyes sparkled and your voice lifted whenever you saw or talked with Changbin. He watched the real you, the one he knew as a kid that was so bubbly and full of life, return– and that's when he knew he wanted the same thing. A peaceful, happy life. 

"I took more after you than Chan-hyung, I guess," Jeongin jokes to make it more lighthearted. He's pleasantly surprised to see it worked, a genuine smile finally cracking on your face. "We're real winners of loyal younger siblings, huh?" you chuckle. It's probably not appropriate to laugh but well.. What else can you do, really?

"You should leave, if you really want to. It took a long time for me to realize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself, and wanting to be happier," you say and Jeongin easily agrees with a smile. "Exactly! Which is why I hope you'll talk to him soon. Get yourself out, and live a happy life with Changbin. You deserve it."

"Well, what about you? What will you do?" you ask and Jeongin pauses while he thinks about it. "I'm not sure.. I mean, I'm sure I want to leave, I just don't know when I should. He's my brother and I love him. I don't want him to be upset by us both leaving at the same time.. Maybe I'll bring it up after some time passes?"

It certainly wasn't a bad idea. It'd be good for your brother to heal a bit, and not suffer too much loss at once. "Just make sure you take care of yourself too, okay? Don't push down your needs to make someone else happy," you remind him.

"Of course," he assures you with a smile. "Maybe I can talk to Felix-hyung too. He helped you when you were struggling with this, so I'm sure he'll help me too." 

"You should!" you enthusiastically agree. And that might not be a bad idea for you right now too. Felix has always been nothing but kind and supportive, and he offers such good advice. You've always trusted him deeply, and he's honest without being harsh, which is something you really value in him. "I think I will too. It might help me feel better about my talk with Chan if I talk to Felix about it first." 

Content with your discussion and your future plans, the rest of Jeongin's visit to your apartment is lighthearted. And honestly, you feel a weight lifted off your chest knowing Jeongin is on your side. He's always understood you, but you still had this irrational fear that this time would be the exception.

You were worried that maybe he hated Changbin for his role in the arrest of Minho, and when he realized your feelings for him, that he would turn his back on you. And you still have that fear when it comes to other members of the family, but you feel much more reassured now.

It's encouraging to know that you won't be alone in this, and that you'll have support from someone who loves you. You can only hope that all your future talks will go as well as they have today. 

It's another few weeks later when Felix finally has a free moment to stop by your apartment for a talk. You told him after the night Jeongin visited, mostly in vague terms, that you wanted to talk about Changbin and your job, and Felix promised to come as soon as he was able.

He assumed that you were dealing with something serious, and were seeking help vaguely because that's what you typically needed to do. You often dealt with dangerous men, or sensitive information, and going in full detail over text wasn't the wisest decision.

Particularly because if anyone got arrested, texts are among the first things looked at to find evidence. It was important in this line of work to keep your secrets and information close, and only talk about them aloud in a private space. 

He's looking around your apartment attentively after he steps through the door. He knew where you lived, as did Chan, but this was his first time actually being here. Felix and your brother were respectful of the space you needed when you initially left, giving you your distance and never intruding in your space. They drove by on occasion, looking around the area and making sure you were safe when you first moved in, but never anything more than that. 

"It's a nice place," he comments idly, hoping a bit of small talk will ease you into the conversation you want to have. Felix knew from personal experience that you have a hard time having serious conversations due to your anxiety, so he likes to try to ease the tension any way he can. 

Truthfully, you are nervous, but you feel almost equally assured. You have no reason to doubt that Felix will understand and help you as he always has. You move to sit on the sofa, and Felix follows, sitting in a chair across from you. "I've decided I want to tell Chan I'm done with this job. I'm sorry to him and Minho, but I don't want to do it anymore." 

Felix can tell you've changed a lot from the person you once were from the way you speak. You sound confident in your choice, and it was only a year ago that wanting to make a decision like this would leave you an anxious mess.

He could remember the way your voice trembled then, and how you needed to be told your feelings were valid. You sought out his advice, spent a long time going back and forth as you agonized over your sense of responsibility and wanting to live your own life. He can't sense any of that now though; you've clearly grown a lot, and you don't need his assurance anymore. 

"It seems like you've thought about this a lot already," Felix says, though he isn't surprised. You never wanted to be brought back to do this kind of work in the first place, so as it became clear that getting information out of Changbin would be difficult, Felix knew this would be the inevitable outcome. After all, what's the point of staying in a fake relationship if it's not necessary?

It's better to get out early, than stick it out for longer than needed and deal with the complications that would come with "breaking up" after a prolonged time together. And besides that, he was sure it must be hard for you to keep trying when this was something you wanted to leave behind; none of it was a surprise to him in the slightest.

"I'm not sure what Chan will do after you leave Changbin since this was his last idea though.. Not that it will be your concern, of course! Just do what you have to, and don't worry about what we will do next," Felix continues. 

"I'm not leaving Changbin," you interject, and Felix pauses, his brows furrowing in confusion. "But you said you were done? What are you..?" his voice trails off as the realization sets in. But that can't be true, surely you're not.. right?

"Noona, do you.. love him?" "Yes," you answer easily; so easily that Felix almost can't process it. You said it so assuredly, like there was no need for you to think about it. "I love him, and I'm not leaving him." 

Felix has known you for many years now, seen you through your best and worst moments, nearly all your ups and downs. But this is a first for him; you sound so sure. He's seen you suffer through countless fake relationships, or extremely toxic real ones, so he's never seen you have such a determination to be with someone. 

"Noona, I support you, you know I do, but.." Felix trails off, his expression one of deep concern. There's nothing he wants more than for you to live the serene life you aspire towards, with someone who makes you happy and cares for you. He never wanted you to be dragged back into this to begin with, having expressed to Chan more than once his doubts and concerns.

But Chan was– no, is, desperate for something to come of your help. And Felix is prepared to deal with what Chan might feel from you quitting without obtaining anything, to help him create a new plan, but he's worried about what this revelation will do to your brother on a personal level. 

Chan is a good man but there are times that Felix is concerned for him following a dark path he can't come back from. He's not sure whether it's the suspected betrayal, the loss of his second in command, or the years of piled on hardship as leader that has led to Chan changing recently, but he doesn't have the same tenderness he once had.

Felix does his best to lessen the burden, to ease his worries and take the place of Minho in all the ways that he can, but the strain is still there, and it only grows more as time continues to pass. But he recognizes how selfish it is to not want you to do something purely because it will mean he has to deal with something difficult.

How many years have you been selfless for their sake? How many times did you set your feelings aside for the sake of someone else? How many times did you willingly keep yourself in harm's way just to give Chan what he wanted or needed? Would it be right or fair for them to ask you to give up this happiness you've finally obtained just to further their own agenda?

Felix knew the answer to that is easily no. You should be allowed to have your happiness after all this time, to love who you want without worry and not be dragged back in the moment someone else deems it a necessary sacrifice for some "greater purpose." 

But none of that is up to him, and he's fearful that your brother's mental state will cloud his judgment. Pain changes a person, oftentimes irrevocably. It can make the choices you'd otherwise never consider seem like the only path forward, and he fears that he can't stop Chan from continuing down the dark road he’s walking on. 

"I know that Chan won't be happy. There might even be a chance he never forgives me for this, but I'm willing to accept that. I need to live my life how I want it to be lived. I'm done accommodating for everyone but myself. I hope he will understand, but even if he doesn't this is the decision I've made. And I hope you will support me too," you say, resolve clear in your voice.

Felix still remembers the you of over a year ago vividly, who was so scared to make a decision for herself that it agonized her to try. It's amazing, truly, how much you seem to have changed since that day. You're here, standing on your own two feet, fighting for what you want unapologetically. 

"I'm with you, without a doubt. I've always wanted you to be happy, and I'll talk to Chan too if I need to," Felix responds, offering you a reassuring smile as he does. "That means a lot to me Lixie, thank you." He then offers you a hug, which you gladly accept.

It pains you to think that your brother might not understand your feelings, but you realize more and more how much support you have. You don't have to go through this on your own; you have your friends and your found family by your side through everything. No matter the outcome of your talk with Chan, you feel like you'll be able to walk away with your head held the highest it's ever been. 

The rest of your afternoon following your conversation with Felix was spent with you planning your approach with Chan. What you should say and how you should say it, how to go about asking him to put any feelings of distaste for Changbin aside.

You'll request him to only talk to you as a brother catching up with and caring for his sister from that moment on, and never again for the purpose of a job or about his mafia life and dealings. It used to be extremely difficult for you to put together what you wanted to say, but talking with Jeongin and Felix has helped greatly.

And there's a stress that comes with planning all this out, but at the same time there's a solace. Putting yourself first has never been something that came easy to you, but underneath the bittersweet emotions is an immense pride for yourself. You hope more than anything that things will go well for you, but you can take pride in the fact that you did all you could for yourself if it doesn't. 

A text from Changbin pulls you from your thoughts, and you smile upon seeing that he's home and asking if you still want to come over for the weekend (which you obviously do.) You confirm your plans, telling him to go ahead and eat because you already had dinner yourself, and that you'd be on your way soon.

It doesn't take you long to get your things together and in a bag, as you basically have it down to a science given how often you do it. You let him know you're on your way as soon as you're done putting your things in the car, smiling softly to yourself as you make the modest drive to his house.

Changbin pulls you in his arms the moment he opens his door for you, making you squeak in surprise before you settle into his touch. "Are you okay Binnie?" you ask as you wrap your own arms around him. His hug is tight, urgent, in a way it never has been before.

"Hard day," he mumbles into your hair, keeping you wrapped in a tight embrace. You let him stay like that for a few moments, figuring he needs it, before you pull away to look at him.

"Why don't you let me put my things down, and then we can talk about it if you want, okay?" He nods as he lets you go, and you quickly move to set your things down in his room. 

He follows you over, waiting patiently for you to join him after he flops down onto his bed. He falls practically limp in your arms after you settle, head resting on your chest as you run a hand up and down his back. "What's bothering you?" you ask softly, listening attentively as he lets out an exhale before starting.

"This case, it's just.. difficult. I've been working on it for so long, but it always feels like we don't get anywhere with it. Like for every step forward, we go another two back. I don't know what else I should do, I feel like I've tried everything." 

You run your fingers through his hair gently as he pours his feelings out to you, offering kind reassurances and reminding him of your support. He's always been open about his feelings to some degree, but it was like you unlocked another part of his heart since the day the two of you confessed your love for each other.

Due to what he'd been through before, there was still a part of him that was scared to share too much about work, positive or otherwise. Even when he was assured that you were the one for him, that he wanted to share the entirety of the rest of his life with you, it wasn't easy to break the shackles that were holding him back. But since that day, slowly but surely he's been able to heal even more. 

Changbin always makes sure he does his best to keep a proper balance, to make time for the two of you to spend together and take necessary breaks to unwind and recharge, but it feels good to know he doesn't have to keep silent about a big part of his life anymore.

He trusts you, he believes in your words and your care, and he knows that you're understanding and supportive of his ambitions. He loves that he can come home after a day at the station and share his thoughts with you.

You celebrate with him on the good days and treat him gently on the bad. You never make him feel like he needs to lock his life away, and in turn he makes sure you never feel forgotten or unloved. His career is important to him, and always will be, but so are you, and he'll make sure you never question that. 

He looks up at you as you continue to hold and caress him, feeling a rush of emotion wash over him. He loves you so much. He's thought it a million times, but he never stops feeling lucky to have you. You never judge him, think he's too clingy or too silly, never make him feel shunned or like he needs to hide away.

You accept him for all that he is, unconditionally. After the devastation he felt in the past, Changbin began to feel like he'd never find the kind of love he hoped for. That maybe it was only destined for those that God favored, and somewhere along the way he made a mistake that debarred him of that chance at happiness. 

But then he met you, and it was like everything fell into place. So sweet and beautiful, so accepting and with so much love to give. Your smile easily eclipsed the other beauties of the world in his eyes. No scenic nature view or star-filled sky would ever compare, not in a million years. Would it be cliche to compare you to an angel?

That's truly what you were to him though– an angel that saved him from the depths of his loneliness. An angel that helped him heal the wounds he couldn't care for alone. An angel that allowed him to trust unconditionally again. He trusted you from the bottom of his heart, loved you from the deepest recesses of his soul. 

It doesn't take long for you to notice the way Changbin is staring at you, his eyes reflecting a love that words couldn't hope to describe. He looks at you like you hold the entire world in your hands, like you're the sun and he's a planet destined to forever be in your orbit, like he'd pluck the stars out of they sky for you if they were only in his reach.

No matter how many times you see it, the look he holds never fails to make your heart race. He leans forward suddenly, capturing your lips in a kiss that is simultaneously romantic as it is incredibly needy. There's so much passion behind it that it leaves you breathless in a matter of seconds. 

It's almost relentless how much he kisses you, leaving you only the briefest of moments to catch a breath before he's back on you. His hands feel equally as desperate in their touch, squeezing and caressing every inch of you as they roam the expanse of your body. "Binnie..?" you let you when he finally parts long enough for you to catch your breath effectively.

"Just love you so much," he responds as he begins to kiss his way down your neck, "want to show you." Your stomach flips at his words, and part of you wants to let him, but instead you reach your hand down to his face, urging him to look back up at you. "You had a hard day, let me take care of you instead." 

Changbin blinks for a moment as the words process, a slight flush settling over him as it settles in him. He wasn't expecting it, but he's certainly not against it. He easily allows your positions to swap, with Changbin propped up against the pillows and you straddling him.

He is usually the one taking the lead in your intimate moments, but he also loves times like this, where you are on top of him showering him with affection. You kiss him with the same fervor he had towards you, the only difference being the addition of your tongue. 

He lets out a soft groan of approval when your tongue first enters his mouth, indulging in the feeling of your hands and tongue exploring him. You reach for the hem of his shirt, urging him to help you remove it from his body. He immediately reaches for yours as well, tugging it off you in a rush he normally doesn't have, but that you don't mind in the slightest.

Changbin is always eager to touch you, but he feels almost carnal in his craving for you now. He wouldn't say he ever gets enough of you in the first place, but it feels amplified now; like no touch will be anywhere near enough to momentarily satiate him. 

All he knows, all he has, is want. A want that is fueled by love above all else, almost saccharine in nature. He craves you this badly because he loves you, it's as simple as that. As long as you are against him, touching his skin and hearing your voice in his ears, he'll be the happiest he's ever been.

You kiss every inch of him as you make your way down his body, every curve and every dip, not with the intent to tease but to show how much you love and care for him. Changbin can't help but giggle when you kiss his soft stomach, nose scrunching in the adorable way you love so much.

He watches you with bated breath and eager eyes as you continue lower and reach the waistband of his pants. You don't waste any time pulling them down in one go, along with his underwear, and letting his cock free of its confines.

You recognize the look in his eyes, the near desperation, and you know how bad he needs you, so you won't make him wait. He always took such good care of you, being attentive to every want and fulfilling every need, so you'll do the same for him gladly. 

You spend a few moments planting kisses on the sensitive flesh of his thighs, watching as his cock twitches in response. Changbin's eyes are locked on you, hands tightening their grip on the bed sheets as he awaits what he wants most. No matter how intense the fire in him blazes, he'll be as patient as you need him to be, wait as long as you want him to.

If this were another day, you'd spend more time appreciating his body and watch his resolve to hold out crack under each added kiss and touch, but you don't want to deny him what he's craving any longer than you already have.

He swallows when he sees your tongue stick out, licking up the pre-cum that has dribbled down his length before you wrap your lips around him. Changbin lets out a breathy moan as you sink lower on him, mouth open wide to accommodate his thickness.

He reaches his hands out to you, one tangling into your hair while the other searches for your hand. You bring your hand to him, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. He's always loved the intimacy of your hands being locked together; it gives him an unmatched feeling of tenderness and love, a constant reminder of your warm presence. 

Your pace is slow at first, allowing your jaw to relax before you attempt to take him completely in your mouth. It takes all your power to suppress your gag reflex when his cock first hits the back of your throat, but the loud groan he lets out when you swallow around him encourages you to keep doing your best for him. 

He curses when your pace quickens, tongue caressing the underside of cock as your head bobs up and down. The strain on your jaw becomes painful, and your eyes are watering from all the effort, but you're determined to give him your all.

His hold tightens, causing a slight sting to your scalp, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Everytime your normally gentle lover becomes so lost in the pleasure that he can't help himself but to hold you roughly, it ignites a fire in your belly. 

You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath quickens and cock twitches against your tongue. "Fuck, God, fuck-" he groans as his head falls back. He squeezes your hand in an attempt to ground himself, and it takes all his self control not to thrust into your mouth.

You decide to double your efforts, taking him fast and swallowing over, over, and over again. Saliva drips from your lips, creating a messy puddle in his lap and salacious, wet sounds to ring in Changbin's ears. "Gonna cum, fuck, so good, 'm gonna cum," he pants out his warning, body hot and chest heaving. 

His cum shoots down your throat in bursts that nearly makes you choke. Your tongue coaxes him through his orgasm as you swallow every drop of his release. You don't separate until you're sure he's finished, mouth releasing him with a small pop. 

You look up at him, your beautiful and perfect boyfriend in his post orgasm haze, feeling yourself clench at the sight. No matter how many times you see Changbin breathless and flushed with sweat lingering on his brow, it never fails to make your stomach do cartwheels.

You crawl up his body, moving in to slot your lips against his. Changbin lets out a sound of approval, wrapping his arms around you tightly and pulling your body flush against his. "Love you so much," he mumbles against your lips between kisses. One arm keeps you close while he lets the other move, hand snaking its way between your thighs to feel your drenched heat. 

"Baby.. all this just from helping me feel good?" he smiles as he asks, looking at you with sparkling eyes. He could never hope to hide how excited and elated he gets from the feeling of you being soaked for him. 

"Always Binnie, love making you feel good," you say with a soft smile before you capture him in another kiss. You know very well what he wants to do next– he's going to ask if he can make you feel good too. And with Changbin, that means pouring all his love and care into you, until you are weak in the knees and too exhausted to move an inch.

But you can't let him do that tonight; you have other plans in mind. "Wanna do more for you Binnie," you say between breaths, "wanna ride your cock."

"Fuck, please, it's all yours," he groans in response, your words having an instant effect on his body. You stand to remove the rest of your clothes, and Changbin doesn't take his eyes away for even a second. He takes his cock in his hand, stroking it back to full stiffness as he watches you undress– it's hard not to writhe and whine from how sensitive he is now, but it'll be more than worth it.

You shoot him a smile as you crawl back onto his lap, one that he reciprocates easily while the eager glint in his eye grows ever stronger. He separates his hand from his cock, allowing your own hand to take its place and align it with your entrance. 

There's a sharp gasp from you as you start to lower yourself on his cock, the lack of preparation instantly causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. You'd hoped being completely soaked would be enough to ease the process of Changbin entering you, but you should've known it wouldn't be enough to make it painless. 

"You're so good baby, doing so well, keep going love, you can do it, I've got you," he can't help but praise and encourage you despite the fact that the focus is supposed to be on him. He knows the stretch can be a lot for you even with prep, so watching you do your best to take him without it makes him want to shower you with all the praise he has to offer. 

Each inch taken as you sink down causes another whimper from you and a low moan from Changbin. You're clenching so tight it'd be enough to send him into delirium if he wasn't so focused on making sure you're okay.

"Good baby, you're so good," he tells you when you are finally sat completely down on him, your hips flush with his own. He places soft kisses to your skin, letting you adjust and steady your breathing. He runs his hands up and down your plush thighs, giving gentle squeezes while admiring the way you look.

You're always so pretty when you're flushed and breathless like this, always feel so good in his hands and sound so sweet. He's addicted to you he's well aware, but how could he not be? Soft and sexy you, every curve and bend perfect, an Aphrodite all his own. 

"Take your time, there's no rush love," Changbin plants comforting kisses against your face and neck as he speaks. You can feel him throbbing and twitching inside you, silently pleading for friction, but he encourages you to take your time despite it.

Slowly but surely however, the stinging subsides and you can feel the tension in your body begin to recede. Your first grind is slow and experimental, but it still causes a sudden sharp inhale to leave Changbin. Your hands grip his broad shoulders tightly, using them for stability as you try to find what the both of you will like the best. 

A string of expletives leave his lips when you find what you like and begin to move in earnest. You've just started but it already feels so impossibly good, he can't manage to stay quiet even if he wanted to (and besides that, he knows you prefer him vocal.)

Changbin pushes your hair out of your face, wanting to see your expressions with no obstruction. He watches you, mesmerized and full of adoration. Everything, from the roll of your hips to the bounce of your breasts and the lustful glaze over your eyes, he commits it all to his memory. He never wants to forget how devotedly you took care of him, and how breathtakingly beautiful you looked doing it.

You move to hold his face in your hands, kissing him with messy fervor as you bounce on his cock with more urgency, fueled by your desire to make him cum again. He holds your hips, helping you keep your rhythm steady while he squeezes the meat of it.

He can't help the way his eyes roll back, the way your walls clench tightly around him with your tongue in his mouth making him feel almost lightheaded. Each noise emitted from one of you is swallowed by the other, desperate moans and whines muffled and drowned out by the sound of your skin slapping against his. 

You eventually pull away, chest heaving as you finally allow more air to pass through your lungs. Your thighs burn with exertion, pace faltering as your legs begin to go weak, but you refuse to relent. Changbin can see the exhaustion settling over you though, and while he appreciates your determination to push through it, he's more than happy to take over for you. 

"Hold onto me baby, gonna help you," Changbin says, and you comply quickly, once again holding onto his shoulders for support. He takes complete control, using the strength in his arms to bounce you on his cock while he thrusts up into you.

You gasp and moan loudly, stars bursting in your vision. You can barely form a coherent thought with the way he's pistoning into your sweet spot from below, the angle and speed making you dizzy with pleasure. "B-Binnie, please-" you whine loudly, nails digging into his shoulders as your head slumps forward, "feels so good, so good, wanna cum, please- "

"Cum on my cock pretty, you can do that for me, can't you? Wanna make your Binnie happy and cum all over him?" His words send electricity through you, jolting you with a force you've never felt before now.

You cum with a loud cry, eyes rolling back as you shake and quiver on top of him. You're gasping and crying through your high, his quick and precise thrusts dragging it on for what feels like an eternity. "Good girl, that's a good girl," he praises you through it, pace only slowing for the smallest of moments as he speaks to you. 

"Don't let go baby, gonna flip you over now,” He warns, and you're on your back in a second, Changbin wasting no time to slip back inside your warmth and continue his fast pace. You're breathless, body on fire, and impossibly overstimulated, but it feels so good. You claw at him desperately as he pounds into you, the insurmountable pleasure building back up just as fast as it faded. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, trying in vain to contain the myriad of noises erupting from you. Changbin's hips begin to stutter, his moans quickly turning into breathy whines in your ear. You let out a shuddering moan when his fingers find your clit, moving in desperate circles to get you to cum with him.

"One more love, give me one more, cum with me," Changbin's pleading tone accompanying all else that you are feeling sends you down a spiral; your body jolts and tenses, your orgasm washing over you in fervent waves.

The way you look writhing and squirming underneath him, lewd noises uncontrollably tumbling from your lips while you squeeze tightly around him sends him careening into his own peak. You reach for the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer for another messy kiss as you both ride the tail end of your combined highs together.

Changbin collapses next to you shortly after, both of you doing your best to steady your breathing and calm your pounding hearts. You turn your head after a moment to look at him, and see his gaze already turned to you. His look is one of pure, unadulterated love and joy, entirely for you.

You always flush red when he looks at you like that, and he laughs softly when you shyly turn away. You could look him in the eyes no problem when his dick was down your throat and when he was fucking you into oblivion, but now you're like this over a little affectionate look? Embarrassing. But he loves that about you, and he never stops finding it cute and endearing. 

"Come here, honey," Changbin says as he pulls you to him. He smiles at you, a smile that is as warm as it is bright, as he wraps you in his arms. "Thank you for tonight baby, you make me feel so much better, my sweet girl," he beams as he praises you.

Part of you feels like you should be used to it by now, but you don't think you ever will be. "I love you Binnie, you don't have to thank me for anything," you reply, a bit more timidly than you'd prefer. He shakes his head, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he continues speaking. "Of course I have to thank you! How else will you know how much I appreciate you?" 

It's your turn to smile at him this time, an adoring twinkle painting your expression. He always warms you with his words, his sweetness unparalleled by any confection. You settle into his touch, resting your head against the crook of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling in close. You stay like that for a few moments, just wrapped in each other's comforting embrace, before you hear Changbin let out a small exhale. "Y/N.. there's something I want to ask you."

"Is something still bothering you?" you ask as you glance up at him. There's a slight flush to his cheeks, paired with a nervous expression. He shakes his head quickly, taking a small moment to gather himself before he continues.

"We are together most days, you know.. And whenever you're gone all I can think about is how much I miss you being next to me. And I always think about what it'll be like to come home from work and have you already here, greeting me every night with that cute smile of yours I love so much, and–"

Changbin realizes he's rambling and getting ahead of himself, so he cuts himself off, swallowing pensively as he tries to calm his nerves. "A-Anyways, maybe it's too soon and you don't want to yet, but what I'm asking is.. Do you want to move in with me?" 

There's a silence that shortly follows, simply because you can't believe he's even asking. "Y-You.. want me to live here? ..With you?" Changbin nods without hesitation, the certainty clear in his eyes, "Yes, I want you here with me. I always, always, want you here with me." 

You blink at him, your mind racing as his worlds settle in. He's always said sweet things to you, about how he misses you when you have to leave and how he can't wait to see you again every time you leave, but despite that, you're still astounded. "You don't have to say yes if you're not ready though! I won't hold it against you," he replies quickly, seemingly trying not to make you feel pressured to say yes if you're not sure about it.

But you love him so much, there's no doubt in your mind that you want to spend forever with him. Every moment, good or bad, you want to have Changbin at your side. You still need to talk to Chan, to make him understand that you're leaving your past behind you for good, but you feel nothing but optimism and hope.

If he doesn't understand your love for Changbin you'll make him understand, you'll put your all into making your dream life with Changbin a reality. And knowing how much he loves you, that he truly means it when he says he wants you with him every moment of every day is enough to fuel you through any hardship you might face. He'll always be here for you, with open arms and a cute, goofy smile to cheer you through anything. 

"I want to! Really, I want to," you give him a smile so bright it immediately melts all his worries away. He hugs you tightly, his happiness manifesting in a series of elated giggles. You share in the feeling, giggling along with him and kissing his cutely scrunched nose.

"I love you so much, Y/N," he says as he plants a series of kisses on your face. He meant it before when he said he'll always be there for you, that he'd never leave you, and now it's a promise that runs even deeper. Always with you, weathering any storm, hand in hand– that’s what he wants to have with you. 

"I love you too Binnie, so much," you giggle out between his kisses that are beginning to tickle. And that's how you spend your night, laying in each other's arms, excitedly talking and giggling about your future together, knowing that no past happiness could ever compare to the joy you feel now. 

The time that passes since the night that Changbin asked you to move into his house has felt like a blur of planning and sorting. Thankfully, there's not much to decide when it comes to what to do about your job; moving in with Changbin only adds an extra few minutes to your commute, which you don't mind making every day.

Having to wake up earlier in the mornings from now on was a sacrifice you were more than willing to make if it meant always seeing him when you woke up. So, in recent days, you spent most of your free time sorting your things.

You started small, combing every inch of your apartment for things you no longer wanted and putting them in a donation box to be given away. Next came packing things you wanted to keep, but wouldn't need in the immediate future, such as clothes that don't fit for the season and childhood memorabilia. 

The progress is a bit slower than you'd like given everyone's busy schedules, but you are still happy with the progress. You're happy to have help from Changbin or Jeongin when they're free, but you aren't upset when they can't make the time.

According to them, everyone has been dealing with an extra workload at the station lately, with some officers often needing to stay behind long past their usual hours to get things moving on an important (and stressful) case.

Changbin has told you about it before– a difficult, long running case that he hopes he can finally bring to a close. Apparently there has been a new breakthrough, but there's a high chance of their progress stagnating again if things don't proceed the way he wants it to.

As chief of police, he has a lot of responsibility to oversee the process and make sure every operation runs as smoothly as possible. It takes up a lot of his time these days, but you know how important it is for him to see an important case like this through, so you don't at all fault him at all. 

Jeongin, as a low ranking officer, doesn't have the same responsibilities as Changbin, but he still doesn't have much spare time due to the mafia family responsibilities he has after his time at the station.

Your brother has apparently been preparing for a large-scale operation that requires everyone to chip in as much as possible. According to Jeongin and Felix, Chan has been planning for months to raid the base of the enemy mafia he was supposed to make an alliance with, and everything he needed to conduct said raid is finally coming together.

They said there was no rat on their side of course, but Chan can't just take their words at face value. It's more important to him to obtain that truth with his own hands, and if necessary he'll make his amends later.

In his mind, it's better to be wrong and ask for forgiveness when the fire he set quells, rather than to play into whatever plans they may have to ruin him by being trusting and complacent. No one he has planted in key places has made progress on discovering who betrayed him or how he can get Minho out of prison, and it seems that this is his final gambit. 

There are a fair amount of people within the family who don't agree with the decision, as it's dangerous and will only invite even more hostility between the two families, while others revel in the anticipated chaos and can't wait to get their hands dirty.

Personally, you are among the people who don't agree with this course of action, but all you can really do is try to convince Chan to change his course of action before you leave– it's up to him whether he wants to listen or not. Though at this point, you're not sure if you'll be able to talk to him before it happens in the first place.

He initially thought up this plan months ago, but he recognized the risks and he did his best to explore the safer avenues first. He knew they would take longer, and that it could possibly leave him no further than when this began, but he wasn’t the type to needlessly put those he loves in danger.

But now that so much time has passed, and it’s become clearer to him that this raid will likely be his last chance to get what he wants, he needs to put his all into making sure it goes flawlessly. The final preparations are the most crucial of all, which hasn't left him with much time to spare to talk to you. 

You kept texting and calling, asking him when he'll have a spare moment so you can talk, but it often went unseen, sometimes for days at a time. "If you have information to deliver, give it to Felix and he'll get it back to me," he replied once, making it very clear that he wouldn't make time for anything that would distract him from his planning.

It saddened you more than anything, as you were hoping to have everything put behind you before you moved in with Changbin, but if Chan couldn't make time for you then there was nothing else you could do. 

You opted for texting him your resignation a few days ago, which you hated doing as you wanted to express it in person, but you didn't want to live with Changbin while having your "job" still being an expectation held over your head. His response was a clear cut, "I understand. I'm sorry I brought you back into it due to my own desperation, that was wrong of me. I hope you'll be happier from now on." 

You were worried at first that he was just saying those things to make you feel better and was actually upset with you, so Felix offered to ask him about it in your stead since he is around Chan for most of his days.

He asked about it between scheduled organization sessions, and relayed that Chan did genuinely seem to be okay with you leaving again, even if it meant you quitting the job. He had always felt bad for asking knowing that you wouldn’t enjoy it, but he did anyway because it was the last idea he had before having to resort to his more extreme options. 

He knew Changbin would be a tough target, and he knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work the way he’d hoped for, but it was the final barrier before making an extreme decision. And it’s unfortunate the near-miracle he was hoping for didn’t happen, but that’s what his other preparations were for. He was ready for this outcome, always, as he learned a long time ago that it pays to be prepared. 

And as things stand now, Chan had a lot of hope in his raid and the execution of his plans going well for him. So as more and more time passed, he always intended to both thank you and apologize sincerely, for once again doing something selfless for his sake, and that you would be free to leave whenever you’d want to. It was regrettable that he couldn’t give you his best wishes sooner, but he hoped you would realize their sincerity. 

It was a bit odd to have to play telephone with others to hear those words from your brother, but it eased your mind nonetheless. And he promised that the two of you would have a sibling get together as soon as he was able to, with no expectations about you rejoining or doing favors for the family; just simply enjoying one another's time as a normal brother and sister would.

The thought made you happy, and you hoped it was a sign of good things to come. You're not sure if there will ever be a time where your brother and your lover can ever meet and happily exist in the same space, but you could at least be happy if Chan cheers for your happiness from afar.

So with all that in mind, you've begun to pack more eagerly in the last few days. You have all of your out of season clothes packed now, boxes safely nestled in various corners of your apartment and ready to be taken to Changbin's place at any moment.

You even smile to yourself as you pack away your childhood objects, giddy as you think about where each object would look having its own spot in Changbin's house. Everything, from imagining where you'll display your favorite old teddy bear to what your clothes will look like tucked away next to his is enough to make you beam with delight. 

And thankfully, Jeongin is finally free to help you tonight, arriving with some desperately needed coffees in hand. "Drink up Noona, you must be exhausted from all this work," he smiles as he passes one of the coffees to you, which you graciously accept. "Yeah, working all day and then having to pack my stuff alone in the evenings sucks," you complain after taking several big sips of your drink.

Honestly, you really appreciate the help. There's no doubt in your mind that Jeongin must be tired too, but he's still deciding to help you anyways. And besides that, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to while you do the mindless task of putting things in boxes. 

"So, Chan doesn't have you working tonight?" you ask after the pair of you begin packing away your various kitchen items. "I already did my work, technically. He just wanted me to go to the station as usual today and observe everyone. I was supposed to let him know if anyone seemed more on edge than usual."

"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to get an idea about if the police are clued in on his plans again?" you ask, and Jeongin nods. "Yeah. He said that if I discovered that they knew anything, he would change tactics. Trip them up by swapping the days around, changing what time of day to strike, and things like that. But everyone seemed normal."

That makes sense, you think; while high standing officers are supposed to keep their cool at all times, not everyone has a good poker face, and if someone seemed exceptionally nervous, that could be a good indicator that something big was on the horizon. "So everything is good at the station? Are things going well with that big case Changbin has been worried about lately?" 

"I think so," Jeongin answers, as he finishes putting the last of a plate set gently into a box. "I'm a low standing officer there, so I actually don't know much about the cases Changbin oversees personally, or what goes on in the other departments. But it looks like things are going well, as far as I can tell. I won't know more than that unless I get assigned to the case." 

You nod in understanding as he speaks, taping a box shut as you finish filling it up with various dishware. It's a stressful time for everyone it seems, but you hope things go well. You'll be happier when Changbin finally closes his case and has more free time to spend with you, and you'll be happy when you talk to Chan as siblings and put your past fully behind you.

You'll also be happier when Jeongin doesn't have to lead a double life anymore like you've had to for so many years before now. More than that, you hope that following this everyone you love can stay out of harm's way for as long as possible. 

The two of you make idle small talk as you finish packing the kitchen, leaving only enough dishes out for you to use while still finishing the rest of your packing. You leave the lugging of the boxes around the house to Jeongin, as he's much stronger than you, and you'd rather him be the one to carry around all that heavy glass and porcelain.

You both jump when his phone suddenly rings and he nearly drops the box he's carrying, but thankfully he doesn't– disposing of all that broken glass and having to replace them with new sets would be a nightmare. "Help me put this down if you can, so I can answer my phone, please," he says, and you hold the opposite end of the box, helping him ease the box to the floor as swiftly but safely as possible.

He pulls his phone out of pocket as quickly as he's able, answering the phone in his usual mannerism. "Hey, Felix-hyung, what's up?" Your ears perk up at hearing him say a familiar name, and look at him with a questioning gaze, while Jeongin just shrugs in your direction.

You wait patiently for him to finish his phone call, deciding to use this time as a small break from all the work you've been putting in. You sit down, settling into your sofa before absentmindedly listening to Jeongin talk on the phone.

However, dread settles in your gut as you watch his expression change. “What? What is it?” You ask, body going stiff as your mind races through the possibilities and you prepare to hear the worst. “Chan-hyung started the raid, and it hasn’t been going well for either side. The police were there, and... Changbin is pursuing him.” 

No. You don't want to believe it. Your blood runs cold in your veins as you start to put the pieces together; the case that Changbin has been struggling with because the culprit was so elusive, the case that he was so happy to finally have a lead on after months of stagnation, the operation he's been carefully planning for weeks to finally bring the person he's been looking for to justice.. It was about Chan– this entire time he's had your brother in his sights. 

You weren't oblivious to the fact that your brother was a wanted man, you've always known that the police were looking for him and that this outcome was a possibility, but you foolishly hoped that everything would reach a peaceful conclusion.

And now they are going to be in each other's sights, with Changbin having no idea of your relation to the man he's been hunting, and Chan not knowing how you feel about Changbin, while backed in a corner and prepared to do anything to get out of it.

You’re on your feet in an instant, rushing to grab your keys to leave. “Noona! You can’t go, it’s too dangerous for you!” Jeongin rises to his feet after you, bolting to beat you to your front door. “I have to go, I can’t just sit here!” You exclaim as you try to desperately push your way past him.

“Don’t be reckless, let’s make a plan with Felix-hyung first,” Jeongin pleads, trying to appeal to your rational side. Rationality has left you however, being replaced solely by panic and urgency. “We don’t have time for that, Felix already has his hands full with everything else, we’re lucky he even had a chance to call! I have to go before it’s too late to stop something bad from happening, they’ll listen to me!”

God dammit. He doesn't want to let you walk into a situation like this, but the way you're looking at him, so full of trepidation and urgency, with eyes desperately pleading to let you pass, it makes him feel like a knife is twisting in his gut. And there's truth in your words; maybe, if you can reach them in time, you can prevent the worst case scenario from unfolding.

He hates it, but maybe it is the only way to make sure everyone gets out of this unharmed. Neither Chan or Changbin want you to be hurt, so they would stop the altercation they were having if you showed up– they’d have to. “Okay, but I’m going with you. You can’t go alone.” Jeongin concedes, stepping aside to let you out and following swiftly behind you.

You immediately start to make a beeline for the front seat of your car, but Jeongin reaches out to stop you, grabbing your arm firmly. "Let me, you shouldn't drive in this state," he reasons with you, holding out his opposite hand to accept your keys from you.

You're really in no place to argue, and he's probably right; how can you possibly worry about driving safely in this situation? So you concede easily, to Jeongin's relief, placing your keys in his hand and trusting him to get you where you need to be as quickly as he safely can. 

Jeongin gets the location from Felix, and while truthfully the drive is only several minutes at most, it feels like an eternity to you. Every attempt to calm yourself ends in vain, no amount of breathing techniques or affirmative talk being enough to calm the barrage of dread.

You're scared, you realize. So fucking scared. Scared of your brother's fate, of Changbin's, what you'll do if you arrive in time and what you'll do if you don't. Fuck, you really don't want to think about that scenario. You'll get there in time, you have to– there's no other option. 

Jeongin curses as you approach the surrounding area of the building that everyone is supposedly inside of– it’s completely walled off by a police barricade, with officers redirecting civilians and forcing them out of the area.

“What do we do? We need in there,” he muses pessimistically, more to himself than to you. Still driving, though more slowly so as to not approach the barricade closely, he reaches out for his phone, hoping to call Felix and find a way for you to get inside. 

But you don’t have any time to spare. You can’t wait for Felix, and you don’t have the luxury of using your limited time to make a plan of action. All you can do is go, and hope your feet carry you quickly to where you need to be.

You rush out of the car before Jeongin even has a chance to bring it to full stop, your feet carrying you as fast as they can, desperate to prevent the worst from happening. You hear Jeongin’s voice ring out behind you, but whatever he’s yelling out is lost on you. The adrenaline pumping in your veins blocks out everything that isn’t in your immediate view. You have to get to them in time, you have to, you have to.

Your eyes quickly scan the perimeter, searching for a point of chaos between the police, your family, and the rival family that you can use to your advantage. If things go your way, you could slip past the police in charge of maintaining the barricade through the confusion. And if you’re even more lucky, you could run past all the fighting and stray bullets unscathed.

You don’t feel good about how much of this relies on luck, as you’ve never had it on your side, but there’s no other options. You have to just let your feet carry you forward, and pray with all your might that things don’t turn out for the worst. Finding a spot you think will be your best bet, you take a breath to steel yourself, and run.

There are shouts all around you as you dart past everyone as quickly as you can manage, officers and mafia members alike. You ignore the voices as you run, eyes combing everything around you in hopes of finding something or someone familiar to lead you down the right path.

You’d been in your fair share of dangerous situations, but this is easily the most dire of them all. Everything is against you, but you have to carry on regardless, even if it all ends in vain. “Noona!” A familiar voice calls out and you stop, frantically searching for the owner of the voice that called out to you.

You eventually see Jisung standing in the distance, and the pair of you run to each other, dodging past as much of the unfolding chaos as you can. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be involved in this,” he talks with alarm and bewilderment. 

When he first saw you, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He hasn’t seen you in over a year, so he must’ve mistaken someone else for you. But the closer you came, the more he realized it was you he was seeing, and that his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “I need to find Chan, do you know where he is?” you ask between quick inhales.

“Noona, you should take a minute, you’re clearly out of breath and–” If this were another time, you would’ve appreciated and thanked him for his concern, but you can’t afford to waste time right now.

“I need to see Chan, right now, it’s important! Do you know where he is?” you repeat, hoping to reflect the urgency of your situation. Jisung is possibly the most confused and concerned he’s ever been in his life, but your desperation is palpable and it’s obvious to him that whatever this is, he doesn’t have the luxury to ask for any elaboration right now. 

“He had an escape route prepared in case this happened, that way,” Jisung points to the north, away from most of the surrounding fighting and police presence, before he continues, “but you really should be careful, it might not be safe–”

You begin running again before he can continue, yelling out an apology and a thanks as you go. He’s stunned in place for a moment, cursing as he decides on whether or not he should follow you. Jisung decides, however, it’d be best to stay and keep people off your path. He’ll do his best to make sure that no one that would harm you, or Chan, makes it past him.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been running for, as images blur and merge in your peripheral. This is the most you’ve ever run in your entire life, your lungs burn and your legs are becoming heavier and heavier from exhaustion with each step, but you have to keep going, no matter what.

And finally, the silhouettes of people appear in the distance. The flame of urgency burning within you that was being snuffed by exhaustion is reignited in an instant, body now reinvigorated to carry you further. 

Your heart sinks as you begin to more closely approach the scene in front of you. Changbin is injured, hand gripping his bloodied arm as the harsh gravel digs into his knees on the ground while the handgun he was granted for this operation lies yards away from him in the dirt.

Chan has his aim set on Changbin, gun cocked and ready to fire another shot if Changbin makes a move. He can’t hope to reach his own gun before Chan takes another shot at him, and he won’t be able to disarm and cuff him with his arm in the state it’s in. He’s stuck in place, doomed to whatever fate Chan has in store for him unless he can come up with a plan within the next minute. 

“Don’t shoot!” Your voice calls out desperately as you run forward, rushing to stand in front of Changbin and block him with your body before your brother can act.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” Chan is clearly surprised by the intrusion, but he doesn’t lower the gun yet, evidently waiting for you to move out of the way so he can take the shot he had lined up. “Don’t shoot him,” you repeat, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. 

Changbin is frozen in place, mind reeling as he stares at your backside. How are you here? What is your relation to the mafia head he's been hunting? Did you know he would be here, or was this coincidence? What is happening? Is this even real?

Was he already dead, and now in his final moments he is projecting your image in front of him to bring himself comfort? No, if you were a projection of his mind then surely things would be different. You’d hug him warmly, make his final moments peaceful by reminding him of your love and planting kisses to his cheeks.

This is reality. A dreadful reality.  

“Are you serious?” Chan says incredulously, baring an expression you’d seen many times pointed at enemies, but never at yourself. He’s angry, teeth gritting as he stares you down. “You’re going to protect him? What about Minho, huh? You’re gonna side with the man that put him in?”

His gun remains firmly pointed forward, though his hand is no longer as steady. There’s a tremble as various emotions course through him; anger, hurt, sadness, confusion. None of it makes sense to him. Why would you do this?  

“He’s just doing his job! He’s not a bad man just because you don’t like that!” You argue, hands trembling as you raise your voice to your brother. You’d never argued with him before, normally having always been on the same side. But he doesn’t see the way you’ve changed, doesn’t know the pain you harbored all these years and how it ate away at you.

He doesn't know the depth of your feelings for Changbin, and how you'd willingly put yourself in danger a million times over before you'd let something bad happen to him. “You’re the one in the wrong, not Changbin.”

Some people resort to crime because they have no choice; it’s all they know or the only way they can survive. They do it because they must, even if they hate it and even if it pains them. And you used to feel that way too– like you didn't have a choice.

You felt like your life was decided for you the moment you were born, and that you’d never be free of hardship. But you did have a choice, you always did, and Chan does too, even if he doesn’t realize it at this moment. 

Chan can choose to step away, he can choose to not let the expectations of your deceased parents determine his course, he can choose to be a better person than he was yesterday. It’s not yours or Chan’s fault that this was the life you were born into, but you realized it didn’t have to stay that way.

You had the power to change your own life, and Chan does too. Whether or not he shoots is a choice; he doesn’t have to do this, and you’ll make him understand that at any cost.

Your brother scoffs in disbelief as he lowers the gun, his expression the most cold and distant you’d ever seen pointed at you. “You love him, don’t you? Is that what this is?” There’s no other explanation.

You’d never done this before; you’ve always had strong morals, you’ve always hated the terrible things he had to do, but despite that you still never stopped him like this. So why else would you now, after all this time, unless it's love? 

“I do,” you answer firmly, trying your best to convey how serious you are. He scans your face, looking for any sign that this might all somehow be an elaborate joke despite knowing inside that there’s no way that it is.

His eyes move behind you next, taking in the utter shock and confusion painted on Changbin’s face. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Chan states more than asks. It’s obvious you didn’t reveal the truth of your life to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have such a bewildered expression.

“Know what..?” Changbin manages to finally find his voice, though he’s not sure he even wants to hear the answer. Chan shifts his gaze back to you, taking in your expression next. There’s trepidation there, sure, but underneath is a determination he’s never seen in you before you. A resolve that is both unflinching and resolute.

Are you that determined to protect this man? You’d choose him over your own brother, your family? He means so much to you that you’d throw everything else away? That's what makes him the most hurt of all. 

“I’m her brother,” Chan says almost nonchalantly, though you know your brother well enough to hear the emotion underneath. The faux calm, almost indifferent expression masking the true depth of what he feels. It would fool you if you were a stranger, but the years of growing up together gives him away easily.

It was something you used to admire in him– his ability to remain calm despite being anything but was something you were sure required a lot of self control and restraint. But now that his vindication is pointed at you, a chill runs down your spine.

You know what Chan is capable of, and you know how easy it is for him to remove threats. And while you hope your bond as siblings is enough to prevent him from doing the worst, there is truly no guarantee.

He would go to great lengths to protect the life he has, even if it meant committing to a task that agonized him; you’ve seen it done multiple times. You’re his last blood relative left, and he loves you dearly, but is that enough? Can you say for certain that he’d never, under any circumstance, harm you? 

If it were the Chan of the past, you would be assured in your safety. He’d never jeopardize you, never put you in harm's way, never be the cause for any suffering you might feel. But somewhere along the way, he lost himself, and the Chan you see in front of you now isn't the same brother you knew years ago. Years of hardship have worn on him, months of anger and betrayal warping him into someone you don’t recognize anymore. 

“Y/N..? Is that true..?” You hear Changbin’s voice from behind you, hollow and hesitant. He knows the answer is the one he hates, and he dreads having to hear it, but he has to, in your own words with your own voice. Even if the truth plagues him, even if the grief kills him, he just has to hear it from you.

You want to turn around and face him, to explain this situation from your perspective, but you can’t yet. There is a part of you that fears what will ensue if you turn your back to your brother right now.

“Please, walk away,” you plead with Chan, desperation clear in your tone. Changbin is trembling behind you, he realizes; not from fear, but from an overwhelming and all encompassing sorrow overtaking him. 

The tension in Chan’s body loosens, but his gaze is still harsh as he looks at you. “Fine. I’ll walk away– not because I give a shit about what happens to him, though. I’m doing it for you.” He turns to Changbin next, stare as cold as ice.

“My sister bought you a favor today. I can’t promise what will happen if you come after me again. Remember that, yeah?” He looks at you one last time, making sure you remember that as well. That if there is a next time, he won’t be holding back– and he expects you to accept that. 

You spend a few moments watching Chan walk away, not turning to look at Changbin until he is just a dark silhouette against the nearly set sun. Changbin rises to his feet with some difficulty, but he doesn’t accept it when you reach your arms out to help him. You swallow, biting back tears as you lower your arms. You understand why he didn’t accept your help, but fuck, does it hurt. 

“Your estranged brother I never met, that you said you haven't been in contact with for a long time.. This is why?” The anguish in his voice is evident and it makes your heart squeeze in your chest.

You nod slowly, your hesitancy not due to any lack of desire to tell the truth, but because you loathe the inevitable outcome. He’s leaving you today. He doesn’t trust you anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore. 

“And Jeongin? Does he know what your brother does too?” “Yes,” you answer, trying not to let the agony you feel make your voice tremble, “I can explain everything but you need to go to the hospital, your arm–”

You watch Changbin take a shuddering breath as he takes in your words. Maybe it’s the shock, the adrenaline, or both, but he doesn’t feel the pain anymore. In fact, he couldn’t care less about getting medical attention right now. He needs answers from you, right now, more than anything else.

“So, what was the point of all this then? You were supposed to use me and throw me away afterwards, is that it?” His tone is as accusatory as it is despondent. Tears begin to fall from your eyes, no longer able to be stopped from willpower alone. “Were you playing me for a fool this entire time?” You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing. You have to be honest, lying to him even after all this will make it worse. 

“I met you because my brother asked me to, but I was never going to hurt you! Jeongin and I, we– we don’t want to do things like that anymore. We are trying to put our pasts behind us.” You plead with him to understand you, to not believe that you would ever purposely hurt him. The last thing you ever wanted was to see this expression on his face. Broken. Dejected. Miserable. 

"How can I believe that now? How am I supposed to trust that you're not telling me another lie?" Changbin bites back, a tidal wave of emotion behind each word. He loved you so genuinely, but what does he do now? How can he look at all the interactions you had and not question the motive behind each one?

He didn’t want to doubt you like this. He wanted to believe that you meant it when you said you loved him all this time. You healed every broken part of him, only to shatter him all over again.

“That day– when you told me you loved me for the first time.. You said you were afraid I’d leave you someday. Is this why?” he asks, trying desperately to believe you. He doesn't know if he can anymore, but deep inside, he still wants to– he doesn't want to let you go, despite what you've done. That almost makes it even worse.

“I love you, and that’s the truth. I understand if you don’t believe me but I’ve never lied about that.” Tears are streaming down your cheeks, your entire world feeling like it’s on the verge of collapse. Changbin’s heart aches unbearably. He trusted someone after all this time, only for it to turn out like this? 

"You lied to me– you knew how much I trusted you and you lied to me," his voice breaks now, and he turns his face away, refusing to look at you any longer.

"And did you ever think about the fact that I could lose my job because of this? You know how much my career means to me, did that ever really matter to you?" he contiues, voice wavering painfully, "If anyone finds out that I’ve been dating someone with a criminal connection, I’ll look corrupt. It won’t matter that I didn't know, I’ll be forced to resign." 

“I..” you want to reply, but you don’t have the words. He’s right, of course. The public won’t care that you’ve tried to change, they won’t care that you have a clean record or live a quiet, modest life. They’ll see a scandal. They’ll see you as someone unworthy of society.

And they’ll turn on Changbin, the man who has done nothing but dedicate his life to protecting them. They’ll accuse him, misunderstand him, drag his reputation through the mud. A scandal will ruin the public perception of police, it’ll taint his spotless career in a matter of seconds. And it’ll be all your fault, always.

You’ve always lived your life selflessly, put others before yourself, did the things you hated to make someone else’s life easier. You were selfish, just this once. Just this once, you did something for your own happiness. Just this once, you hoped that the world would do you a favor, and allow you to keep the joy you obtained. 

But, as always, that joy wasn’t meant for you. As always, the life you were born into ruined any chance at happiness you ever had. You clung, desperately, to the idea that your life with Changbin would always be happy. You clung to the hope that the sorrow you’ve lived with for so long would never make its return. You clung to the love Changbin offered you, to the peace he brought you, and to the future you dreamed of building with him.

That future crumbled before your eyes in an instant. You wish you could cry, kick, and scream, beg Changbin to believe you and not turn away, but you can’t. Because you can’t blame him for not being able to see you the same way anymore. It’s not his fault, nothing is. If he can never trust you again, or see you the same way as he did yesterday, there’s nothing you can do but accept it.

You look at him, heartbroken as stray tears falling down in his face, the grief palpable. You try to find your voice, but even if you do, what more can you say? Will it even make a difference? But you should try at least. You can’t leave things like this. You can’t watch him hurt like this and do nothing in response.

“Changbin, I.. I understand if you can’t trust me anymore. But I do genuinely, with all my heart, love you. I wouldn’t have stopped my brother if I didn’t. Even if you never want to look at me again, I hope you’ll believe that, at least,” you sob out the words, trying not to stutter with each one that passes your lips. 

Changbin looks at you, lips trembling. His mouth opens and closes, as if he was about to speak but decided against it, or couldn’t find the words. Everything hurts, he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He loves you so much, but should he accept what you say so easily? Even if he wants everything to go back to the way things were before, is it even possible anymore? 

But in the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always seemed so genuine. Your pretty smiles, your loving embraces, your sweet words. The way you cried over him, supported him, loved him.. How could any of that be fake?

And, if he thinks about it, he could understand why you wouldn’t want to share your shameful past with someone. You never went into detail about why you didn’t keep in contact much with your brother, but if your explanation is true, it makes sense. 

It’s hard to talk about the things you aren’t proud of, the things you hate about yourself or the life you led. He knows from his own experience how challenging it is to be emotionally vulnerable with someone, but it always seemed like you were trying your best with him. He can remember all the times you opened up to him well, because of how happy it made him feel to know you loved and relied on him. 

Was it wrong of you to leave out the truth of your brother? Of course it was. A lie by omission is still a lie, after all. And maybe you were just a good actor all this time, but he couldn’t help but believe in his memories.

His memories of you telling him about your life, about the things you love and the things you feel. You shared so much with him.. Surely after this long, you would've slipped up if your feelings weren't true. 

The average person can't hide feelings of contempt easily, subtle changes in their facial expressions and body language often betray them, and they drop their guard when they feel like they are no longer being observed.

And he's watched you a lot, looking at you with eyes full of love and joy whenever you thought he was no longer looking. He would see the bashful smiles, your pink tinted cheeks, the soft giggles to yourself. All so cute, all so endearing, all so real. 

No one could possibly fake that, right? Even the best of actors would eventually grow weary of their act, wouldn't they? He doesn't know what to think anymore, nor what to do. All he knows is that he loves you, and he doesn't want this to be the end. Even if it's what he should do, he doesn't want to turn away from you.

Regardless of your past, or what you may have hidden about your life, it's an undeniable truth that you helped him overcome his troubles. You made his life better simply by existing in the same space. You always greeted him with a smile full of warmth and care. He loves you. "I.. need to think," Changbin finally says after some time, "I don't–"

"Chief!" You hear a voice call out, and the both of you turn in its direction, seeing a small unit of officers running towards you. His body immediately stiffens, face changing in an instant. He can’t look vulnerable in front of his men. He can’t let them see the feelings underneath the surface of his expression.

Their weapons are drawn as they approach, pointed at you cautiously, prepared to make a move if it seems like you will take a step out of line. Changbin instinctively stands in front of you, speaking to his subordinates in a clear voice, "Stand down, she's a civilian." 

"Apologies ma'am," the one leading the unit says before they all bow an apology to you. Changbin looks at you, swallowing as he decides, for the first time in his career, that he will lie for someone. "The target evaded capture by using her as a hostage. He opened fire after I secured her."

Changbin, stout, honest, and resolute Changbin, who never went against his morals and always upheld the law, just lied on your behalf.

"Were you hurt?" one asks you, while another calls for assistance on his walkie. "N-No, I'm fine, I.." you hesitate for a moment, taking a breath that you hope just makes you appear like you're recovering from the shock of being a hostage. "He protected me."

"Our on site medics have their hands full, but an additional ambulance is on the way, Chief," the officer with the walkie speaks up, turning to you next. "We'll need to interview you ma'am. Can you answer some questions for us?"

You open your mouth to speak, but Changbin places his hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. "Let her be evaluated before you question her. Even without physical injury, she's been through a lot. She's not in a state to answer questions," Changbin says to them. He uses a commanding tone, but one that is somehow still full of care.

"Of course, sir." The officer bows to him respectfully. Changbin looks at you, his expression unreadable. You suppose this must be the stern poker face that you've heard so much about, but never seen with your own eyes.

"We'll be in contact." He says, and though you know that's something he has to tell you as an officer to a witness, you can't help the way it gives you hope. You hope there will be a day that Changbin forgives you. You hope that he will still love you as he did when this day began. You can wait, no matter how long it takes, because it'll be worth it for him.

Changbin walks away from you now, evidently to talk with his team about matters a civilian like you isn’t supposed to hear. You fall to your knees when he’s out of immediate view, with the pair of officers that stayed behind to watch over you trying to catch you.

Now that all the adrenaline has faded from your system, and you no longer have strong emotions making you ignore the ache in your body, your legs have practically turned to jello, no longer strong enough to hold you up. Your body is the weakest it’s ever felt, sore and frail from all the exertion.

The officers around you make a small commotion, trying to help you to your feet and assuring you that help will be here soon. But despite that, you still look on in the direction Changbin went. You wish you could know if he’ll be okay. You wish you could know if he still cares about you.

Or, at the very least, you wish you could know that he doesn’t hate you. You hope his arm doesn’t hurt too terribly, you hope it heals well, and you hope that he forgives you for the pain you and your brother have caused him. 

That’s all you want, you think. For Changbin to be happy and healthy. You hope he’ll still love you, but you’ll be okay if he doesn’t, as long as he doesn’t hate you for what you’ve done. You’ll be content with never having him in your life again, as long as he forgives you.

You’ll wish him well, with the best smile you can muster, even if all he ever does is accept your apologies. Because you love him, and you want the best for him. It’ll hurt, but if he decides the best for him isn’t you, it’ll be okay– it’ll have to be. 

You won’t be selfish, or at least you’ll try your very best not to be. You won’t expect anything from him that you shouldn’t. You won’t beg, or plead, or force. But you’ll hope, because that’s all you have now.

It’s all you’ve ever had, really. Hope for a better future, a better life, a happier existence. And all you can do is hope- that your better future will include Changbin. 

Changbin, who you hope forgives you, who you hope still loves you, who you hope still wants you in his life. Changbin, who has shown you how happy life can be when you let the right person in. Changbin, who melted the ice that filled the cracks in your heart, and replaced it with warmth. Changbin, who took the broken parts of you and pieced them back together, who treated you like porcelain worthy of the utmost care. 

If you’re an angel to him, then he is a seraph to you. His light shines brightly, as brilliant as the sun, his warmth beyond comparison, his smile incandescent. You’ll always love him, no matter how much time passes.

Even if he no longer feels the same, and even if he never sees you again, you won’t be able to love anyone else the way you’ve loved him. That’s just how important he is to you; no one else could take his place in your heart. 

He taught you how to trust again. He reminded you how it felt to smile with sincerity, to love genuinely, to laugh unapologetically. It’s something you will always cherish, with all that you are and all that you have.

Seo Changbin is irreplaceable, and always will be. You love him, and always will. And you hope, hope, hope, that he’ll always love you too.

It's been months since the last time Changbin has spoken to you. Long, emotionally draining months. He missed you, so terribly, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to you– at least, not yet anyways. There was just so much to think about after he learned the truth about your family, and about the lies that surrounded you as a result of it.

He could understand why you didn't tell him about your brother, but it still hurt to find out the way he did. And it also left him conflicted and confused about how he should move forward if the two of you stayed together. 

He's not just a police officer, he's the chief. Everyone looks up to him, he's the one that has to be turned to in crucial moments, the one who has to make hard decisions. He has a lot of power, the one in charge of multiple units and operations.

With all that comes responsibility, not just to his subordinates, but to the public. He has a duty to protect them, a duty to adhere to the law, and a duty to uphold the truth. And while at first, his immediate concern when he found out about your brother was what it could possibly do to his career, there was more to it than just that. 

Changbin can't ignore the fact that your brother is a criminal, even if he wanted to– it's his sworn duty as an officer to arrest criminals. Would you be able to, in all honesty, never harbor resentment or hatred for him if he had to arrest or harm your brother?

If the situation was swapped, and it was Changbin pointing the barrel of his gun at Chan, would you be able to accept that? If he had to shoot your brother, could you say for certain that you wouldn't despise him for it? If cutting off your brother for good was necessary for the two of you to be happy together, would you honestly never be angry or resentful about it?

You might say yes, and you might wholeheartedly believe that when you say it, but the human heart is complex and uncertain in nature. There may come a day in the future where you realize how much you miss your family, and come to blame Changbin for the distance between you. The ties people have to their loved ones are immense, and oftentimes inseverable by will alone. 

And maybe none of that will ever come to be. Maybe his concerns are unfounded, and you would be resolute in your choice to be with him no matter what happened to your brother, but he can't help but think about it.

A spur of the moment decision could change his life forever, and he has to consider every outcome, no matter how unlikely and how much he trusts in your feelings. His future with you is uncertain, and that scares him. 

There were many days where he stared at your contact in his phone, trying to find the words to send to you, but not being able to. He'd never known himself to hesitate like this before, never been scared of uncertainties and rejection.

Even at his most torn down, he always did his best to live his life as confidently as he could, with the mindset that if things didn't go his way he would eventually recover. There were so many losses that wore at him, so many heart breaks to recover from, but he always turned out okay in the end.

Changbin always strived to live his life with optimism despite it all. Even in his worst, most depressed moments, he dragged himself out of the muck, and worked earnestly towards getting the things he wanted. He never feared moving forward from loss, because he knew you could get what he once had back with effort.

Whenever he faltered he picked himself back up, when he was lost in darkness he would persevere until the light returned to him. But now, here he was, crippled by the fear of losing something, someone, he wants dearly, unable to pick himself back day the way he always could before.

His fear turned to hesitance, which has eventually turned to inaction– uncharacteristically, he watches life pass him by, stares at your name in his phone and does nothing. He sighs heavily, head hitting his desk as he falls against it. He just doesn't know what to do.

If he reaches out to you, will you respond? What if he wasted so much time in his fear, that now you've moved on, and he's wasted whatever chance at happiness with you he had?

He stares at nothing for a long while, his head simultaneously feeling full to the brim with thoughts and like a vast nothingness, almost numb. A knock on his office door suddenly breaks his trance, and he lifts his head, beckoning whoever is on the other side to enter. 

"Sir, Yang Jeongin is requesting to speak with you," the officer who enters says, and Changbin's eyebrows raise in surprise. The Yang Jeongin that was working here until the incident a few months ago? Your little brother? That Yang Jeongin?

"What is he doing here?" he asks after a moment, but the officer shrugs in response. "Don't know. Said it was something only the chief should hear. Maybe it's a lead on one of your cases?" they suggest and Changbin frowns. There is only one reason Jeongin would want to speak to him after all this time– it's you. Whatever he has to say, it's about you. 

"Tell him I'll be right out," Changbin says as he stands, and the officer nods, bowing politely as they close the door behind themself. Changbin takes a moment to steady his racing heart, taking a deep breath before he leaves his office. He strides coolly past the many desks where other officers are sitting, hoping to maintain a calm exterior and not give away the trepidation he feels.

Jeongin is sitting on a bench in the front hall of the station, and he offers a small wave when he spots Changbin opposite of him. "Chief," Jeongin starts, but immediately corrects himself, "Well, I guess I shouldn't call you that anymore, huh?" 

"Jeongin.. Should we talk somewhere privately?" Changbin asks and the younger man nods, standing to follow wherever the older leads. They leave the building together, walking quietly until stopping in front of a cafe that Changbin frequents.

"This place good with you?" he asks, and Jeongin nods, having no reason to object to the location. They sit, making simple coffee orders, before Jeongin lets out a small sigh. "Well, I should get straight to the point.. Y/N-noona is leaving." 

Changbin's frame stiffens, looking at Jeongin with a firm expression. "Leaving as in.. she won't be in Seoul anymore?" he asks and Jeongin nods.

"I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but.. she's always hated being involved in.. let's say "the life." She left before, but just got dragged back in and, she thinks leaving the city entirely will be the thing that will finally put her past behind her for good." He explains, choosing his language carefully given the public setting. 

So.. this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to leave, that's what he's saying? Before you ever even met Changbin, you already wanted out? You were prepared to stay away from your brother, even before you knew him? Maybe he should feel stupid with the realization that his worries were unfounded, but instead he feels relief.

It's proof you'd never hate him or blame him if you had to keep distance from your brother, proof of your morals, and proof of the truth you were trying to convey to him that day– that you would've never betrayed him. That you loved him, truthfully and wholeheartedly. 

"Can I ask you– if she wants to leave, and put everything behind her.. Why are you telling me she's going?" Changbin asks carefully, and Jeongin doesn't hesitate to answer. "Because she loves you. Even now, all she hopes for is that you still love her too. She misses you."

Changbin's heart picks back up in speed upon his words. Is that what you've told him? If he called you right now, would you be happy? Did you still want to be with him? Were you waiting for him, all this time? 

"I'm not saying you should convince her to stay here, or that you should abandon your life here to follow her, but.. I still thought you should know." Jeongin continues, "And she would be happy to hear from you before she goes. Even if you have no intention of continuing your relationship, and it's just for closure's sake, it'd be good for her. She could move on with a smile, I think." 

"I want to talk to her," Changbin says with a certainty that makes Jeongin's tense body finally relax. He was hoping, more than anything, that Changbin would talk with you before you go. All he wants is for you to be happy, or have the closure needed to move on if nothing else. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with her again later tonight to help her carry boxes, but I think she'd like it better if you showed up instead." 

“Are you sure that would be okay?” Changbin asks, and Jeongin smiles and nods without hesitation. “Of course. I wouldn’t put her in a situation that would upset her. I know she wants to see you.”

Changbin returns that smile, feeling elated for the first time since that day he walked away from you. He didn’t know what he wanted then, was hopelessly lost and confused. He’s spent enough time thinking about it, but now he knows, and he’s determined to show you– all he wants is you.

You sigh as you stare at the boxes littering your apartment, flopping onto your sofa and wiping the sweat from your brow. You were beyond exhausted, days filled with nothing but work and then packing when you got home.

You were also exhausted thinking about how you would just have to unpack everything when you arrived at your new home. You’d surely have some grueling months ahead of you. 

But leaving this city was long overdue when you think about it– you really should have left it a long time ago. It has been 2 years now since the day you first left the family, and around a year and a half since you were subsequently dragged back in and met Changbin. Your heart ached whenever you thought about him, but you could never stop yourself. Everything reminded you of him, it seemed. 

He changed your life for the better when he was in it, after all. It was hard not to see him in even the little things. When you’d watch tv to relax, you’d think about how it felt when Changbin was there with you, arms wrapped around you snuggly while you followed your little routine of choosing what to watch back and forth.

When you ate dinner, you’d think about how Changbin knew all your favorite things, and would playfully tease you about how you could eat the same things over and over again without getting tired of it. 

When you layed in bed at night, you thought about how it felt to have Changbin next to you, his soft breathing in your ears and warm body lulling you to sleep. You’d be reminded of his gentle touches, his loving stare, and his cute pouts.

The way he’d keep you close to him, beg you to stay with him as long as possible, and smile brighter than the sun itself. Everything about him was endearing, everything worth committing to your memory, everything worth loving even after he was gone from your life.

Maybe that’s another reason you finally decided to leave for good. It was hard to look at your surroundings and not be reminded of all you once had and lost. Seoul carries a lot of memories for you, often times more bad than good.

You lost a lot of things here– your innocence, your family, and your love. What good you managed to hold in your hands always seemed to crumble and slip through your fingers, with you unable to do a thing to prevent it. 

You needed a change of scenery, and to leave the painful memories behind you. It’d help, you think, if you were able to look at the world around you and not be bombarded with the feelings of loss and sadness.

Maybe you could stand on your own two feet more effectively, be the kind of happy person Changbin showed you that you could be. And maybe, if you were lucky, he would meet you again while you were a new version of yourself.

A stronger you, a happier you. Someone who didn’t falter and live in anxiety any longer, who lived the new life she was given with hope and joy. You’d be happy if you could show Changbin how much you’ve grown, how you’ve changed for the better thanks to his earnest love for you.

And not just for Changbin– living a better life is how you would pay back everyone who has helped you up until now. It’s how you would thank Felix and Jeongin for all their support in the hardest days of your life. Living a happier life was the best way to show your appreciation for all the people you love, and who love you in return.

You’d move on with your head held high, and someday in the future you would return here as the best version of yourself you could be. Even if they weren’t here with you right at this moment, it was enough to make you want to do your best. 

“You know, you could still come with me Innie,” you told him when he was here earlier today, helping you move various heavy objects to the front room of your apartment. “I know, but I still have things I want to take care of here,” he responded with a soft smile.

Unlike you, he still had a mother to watch after here. He also expressed his desire to leave Chan and the others behind on positive terms, and to pursue training at the officer’s academy earnestly, so he could come back to his colleagues an honest man. 

You were proud of him, truly, for making those choices for himself. You had nothing but faith that he would see his goals through, and be a little brother you could be proud of. He promised that he, with the help of Felix and Jisung, would help set Chan on the right path before he leaves his life there behind for good.

And when that day came, he would find you again, maybe even with everyone you love hand in hand with him. Maybe there would be a day where you could hug both of your brothers again, reunite with your old friends, and return to Seoul happily. 

Speaking of friends, Seungmin was devastated when you announced to the office you were leaving. He made you promise that you would still keep in touch, and that you’d come back to visit sometimes. Of course, you reminded him that he could always come visit you as well but he insisted it would be more fun if you came to Seoul than if he went to some obscure small town. 

You were still worried about Minho as well. It had been a long time since you, or anyone for that matter, had been able to see him in person. But he often wrote letters, expressing that he accepts where he is because it’s the natural result of the choices he made. He wishes everyone well, and hopes that everyone can live their lives happily until the day he is released. He doesn’t want anyone to risk their lives or safety for him, because he is okay. 

You’re not sure if it gave Chan closure the way it did for you, but you hope it has. All you’ve ever wanted for your brother was for him to be safe and happy after all. And there’s still a part of you that hopes one day he’ll renounce his leadership and walk away from the life he’s led up until today. You’d like it if you could return the relationship you had with him as children, where the two of you were free from worries, and the bond you had as siblings made you stronger together.  

You close your eyes, another small sigh leaving your lips. You’re tired, so tired, but strangely optimistic. Your life will be better from here on out, you’ll make sure of it.

It would be a lie to say you didn’t spend a lot of time crying at first, but when it was all over you realized how lucky you were. Lucky to have been loved by Changbin. Lucky to have friends who care about you. Lucky that you still have the opportunity to change your life. 

Life has never been easy for you, but you’re grateful for what you’ve been given. Moments of happiness, no matter how fleeting, shaped you into who you are now. Memories, shared with those you’ve come to love, giving you the morals and sense of purpose you have now.

You’ll keep those memories close to your heart, and let them lead you forward. They will shape the road ahead, and keep you going when the road is tough. That’s what you’ve decided. 

It’s never too late to change, never too late to be happy. You can take your life in your own two hands and shape it into what you desire. Life is what you make of it, and you’ve decided you’ll make it into the best it could possibly be.

And hopefully, in the future you create with your own hard work, Changbin will be there waiting for you. You’ll see his adoring smile and star-filled eyes, and know that it was all worth it. 

A knock on the door breaks you from the thoughts, and you rise to your feet to answer it. It’s a little strange, as Jeongin would normally just call you if he was here, but he also knows you are expecting him so maybe he didn’t feel the need. “Hey Innie, there you–” you start as you open the door, but the words immediately seize in your throat. 

You blink once, twice, assuming your eyes must be playing tricks on you. There’s no way Changbin is standing in front of you right now, right? Why would he be? “Y/N..” he says softly, a bit hesitant. He was feeling good when he first made the trek to your front door, but now that he’s here in front of you he feels.. Strange, almost. 

It’s surreal to be standing in front of you after all this time. He’s thought about it a lot; how you would look when you were finally in front of him again, what expression you might have and how you might have changed. And now, you are understandably looking at him like a deer in headlights. To say you are stunned would probably be an understatement. 

“Can I.. come in?” Changbin asks after another small moment. You want to speak, but you feel so astounded your voice won’t come out. So instead you nod, stepping to the side to allow him to enter your now barren apartment.

He looks around, taking in the sight of every single one of your tucked away into stacked boxes, with only your large furniture pieces still left out. This is what it would’ve looked like all those months ago too, if nothing had gone wrong and you moved in with him as planned. 

It strikes a pang in his chest, one that he attempts to choke down. He can’t let all his emotions bubble to the surface just yet. There are things he needs to tell you clearly, things he wants you to hear.

You guide him past boxes, motioning for him to take a seat on your sofa. “What, uhm– what are you doing here..?” you ask cautiously, not entirely sure how you should feel now that you are finally looking at him again. 

He hasn’t changed much; his dark, curly hair has grown a bit longer, his eyes are more tired, but overall he looks the same as he did months ago. Just as handsome too, you can’t help but notice. But really, how could you even hope to ignore that fact? You don’t think you’ll ever meet someone else as stunning as him. 

“Jeongin told me you’re leaving,” he answers, watching your expression change carefully. “H-He did?” Your shocked expression changes to sadness, gaze moving down to your hands, which you are wringing nervously. “I.. wanted to tell you myself, but.. I didn’t know how, or if I should..”

“I’m glad he told me,” Changbin replies, and you look back at him, uncertainty clear on your face. “I would’ve been sad if– if you left before I could tell you how I feel,” he continues.

“How you feel..?” you question, and he nods, a tentative, almost shy expression spreading across his features. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken, I really am. I spent that entire time thinking about– thinking about us, and what I should do. What I want..” Changbin’s tone is relaxed as he can possibly make it despite the rapid beating in his chest. 

He takes a shaky inhale, palms sweating despite all his efforts to speak to you calmly. “I know what I want, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I just.. Took too long to sort that out, I think.” He confesses, watching you with bated breath as his words process within you. “I love you, and I– I hope I haven’t told you that too late.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes watering in an instant upon hearing those words you hoped so badly to hear again. “What about your job? And my family..?” you ask, and Changbin shakes his head, as if it’s not a concern in the slightest. “I know there are things we still have to figure out, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go without trying. I love you too much to let it go so easily.” 

The tears openly fall now, not being able to stop yourself from doing anything else. He opens his arms to you, offering his embrace if you want it, and you easily wrap yourself around him. He holds you close, your head pressing into his chest as sobs wrack your body.

“We’ll figure it out together,” he speaks to you softly, hands rubbing the soothing circles you missed so much into your skin. “I broke my promise to you before, but I’m not going to leave you again.”

He holds you like that until your breathing calms, the sobs slowing into gentle sniffles. You look up at Changbin, noticing that a few stray tear stains line his cheeks as well. He’s always hated seeing you cry, after all. The fact that it was because of him made it even harder for him to not become emotional himself.

“Binnie,” you breathe, leaning up to capture his lips in a soft kiss. He lets out a relieved sigh when your lips touch, his own flood of feelings washing over him. It feels so good to hold you in his arms again, to feel his lips against yours, to inhale the familiar scent of your shampoo.

Now that he has you again, he never wants to let you go. Whatever he has to do to keep you with him, he’ll do it, without a doubt. He realized that everything else in his life is replaceable. His career can be rebuilt from the ground up if necessary, and his home can be relocated. But not you– nothing can replace you. 

You are his home. You are his life. He knows his connection with you is deep and real. In the entire time he knew you, he never had to change a single thing about himself to please you. You always loved him for who he is, right from the start.

That’s what he needed then, and what he still needs now– someone who loves him unconditionally. Who accepts him in all his silly, eccentric idiosyncrasies. 

He kisses you over and over again, like you are the source of the oxygen he needs in his lungs. He holds you tightly, keeping your body glued to his, as if you’ll vanish if he lets go. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how badly,” Changbin whispers against your skin, an action that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. It also makes you giggle a little in response, because wow, did you miss that feeling. 

He always made you shy and giddy so effortlessly. All it ever took was the slightest bit of affection from him to make you feel bubbly inside. Changbin smiles when he hears your soft laugh, a warmth he hasn’t felt in months spreading over him.

He hopes from now on he can hear you laugh every day, see your shy smiles and cute, sparkling eyes. He doesn’t know what his future with you holds, but as long as he has that he will be happy. 

“I’ve missed you more,” you tell him with a sweet smile. There’s part of you that still feels like this is all a vivid dream, and that you’ll wake up any minute in your new apartment by yourself. But even if it is a dream, you’ll enjoy it until the end. You’ll feel him under your palms for as long as you can, you’ll take in the sight of his beautiful face and the sound of his sweet voice.

You rest a hand on the nape of his neck, keeping him pulled close to you as you press kisses against his lips. The soft, gentle kisses that you shared at the start become deeper, more passionate, as they continue.

There’s a desperation bubbling within you, one that becomes increasingly more difficult to contain. You missed more than just the soothing, gentle touches to your skin– you also missed the way his hands could light a fire in you. 

He always made you feel alive, for lack of a better term. In all your life, through the various men who knew you and had touched you, none of them ever made you feel the way Changbin does. You’re not sure if he realizes entirely the effect he has on you, but you belong to him.

Body, heart, mind, soul, everything– it’s Changbin’s. His hold on you is warm, protective, and loving. You’ll never regret trusting him, loving him, or giving yourself to him. 

Changbin can tell where you are leading him, can see the way your eyes have changed when you pull away to breathe. It excites him as much as it worries him; once again, he’s afraid that touching you now will be taking advantage while you’re vulnerable.

You were just crying, dealing with and processing countless emotions, and the last thing he’d ever want is to be with you while your judgment is clouded. The last thing he’d ever want is to touch you in a moment of passion and learn you regretted it. 

“We don’t have to do this right now,” he tells you carefully. He wants you to be sure you still want him, that you still love him enough to do this with him. He can always wait, build back up to this slowly if that’s what you’d need. As long as he has forever with you, there’s no rush.

But you shake your head, meeting his gaze seriously. “I want to,” you assure him softly, “I never stopped loving you. I will always trust you.” You lean back in, lips brushing against his as you speak, “I still want you.”

A soft whine leaves Changbin's lips, your words having more of an effect on him than you'll ever know. Your next kiss is impassioned, mouth open and licking at his tongue. You coax him to pursue you, to swallow your heated breaths, explore you completely, consume you entirely. 

You let yourself fall backwards against the sofa, dragging Changbin down with you. It's not the most elegant display, nor is it seamless, but you don't really care about that. You've missed Changbin so much– his every look, every hold, and every sound. It's all you crave, all that matters in this moment. 

Not wanting to crush you or leave you in an uncomfortable contortion, Changbin spreads your legs and moves himself to rest between them. He attaches his lips to your neck, deciding you’ve gone long enough without his mark on your skin. You relish in the feeling of having his teeth sink into you again, excitement bubbling in your gut when you imagine the way you’ll look with his love bites all over you. 

His hands reach the bottom of your shirt, and you lift your back off the sofa to allow it to be pulled up and over your head. Your bra follows shortly after, being discarded to the floor and forgotten as your focuses are solely on eachother.

Changbin takes a moment to look you over, refamiliarizing himself with the appearance of your body and the intoxicating image of his teeth marks on your otherwise pure skin. He doesn’t get much more time to admire you however, as you begin to reach out for him.

You paw at the hem of his shirt, not so subtly requesting that he pull it off himself. He stifles the amused smile that threatens to peak out, pulling his shirt off in one swift movement. You look at him with equal parts adoration and desire, and he can’t deny he loves it when you look at him this way. 

Changbin watches your expression change however, when your gaze meets his arm. There was a fresh scar where your brother shot him– a now constant reminder of what the pair of you had gone through that day, a permanent representation of the way you failed the person you love most.. "Bin, I– '' you choke on your words, eyes tearing up as you stare at the spot. 

"Hey, look at me," Changbin says as he cups your face, directing your gaze back up to his own. "That's not your fault. You know that, right? It's not. Nothing is."

You struggle to hold back your sniffles, but he won't accept that; he needs you to know. You were in such a hard position, one that no one should have to be in. And he recognizes that now. He understands how hard it must have been to try to balance your life and protect the things you love.

He kisses you again, thumbs carefully rubbing away stray tears. “I love you,” he reminds you with his soft tone that always brought you comfort, “nothing changed that, okay?” You nod, believing his words entirely. You really had no reason not to; he’s always been so forthright and honest about everything he thinks and feels. 

“I love you,” you tell him, and he smiles, kissing you once more for good measure. “Do you still want to keep going?” he asks, once again feeling sparks of elation trickle down his spine when you eagerly confirm that you do. As much as Changbin loves seeing you be bashful and shy, he also loves when your enthusiasm overrides it, when you show the true depths of your need for him without restraint. 

The messy kisses to your skin resume, as if nothing interrupted them in the first place, the only difference now being that your upper body is completely exposed to him. Changbin’s hands trail slowly up and down your body, savoring the feeling of every soft dip and curve without any rush. Your gasp when his hands finally reach your breasts quickly turn into titillating mewls, nipples being tweaked and rolled between his fingers.

The sounds you make alone make Changbin want to moan, a salacious symphony in his ears, a siren’s song he can’t hope to ignore. He pulls back to look at you, watching the way your body twists and squirms, legs unable to close together due to his place between them.

“Binnie,” you whine, looking at him with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks, lips turned into a small pout. “What is it, honey? What do you need?” he asks, head tilting slightly as he grins at you.  

Your stomach flips, heart skipping a beat at both his tone, and from hearing the nickname for the first time in so long. You swallow, trying your best to conjure the words despite the way he looks at you making you want to combust on the spot.

“B-Bed?” you ask softly, and Changbin smiles with a nod, lifting you in his arms effortlessly. You lock your legs around his waist, arms snuggly wrapped around his neck as he carries you through the apartment. 

You really should let him focus on getting through the minefield of boxes that is your apartment currently, but instead you kiss him with a fervor he matches equally. Even when he threatens to stumble, neither of you break away, completely committed to keeping your mouths on each other. 

Luckily, you left your bedroom door open earlier, and Changbin has no problem carrying you through the doorway. You let yourself fall back onto the bed when he lets you go, and he positions himself between your legs once again, mirroring the position you were in moments ago on the sofa. 

Rather than wait for Changbin to take the lead on this like you normally would, you reach for shorts, pulling them down as far as you can before needing him to take care of the rest. He really can’t blame you for feeling needy and eager; he’s just as hungry for you as you are for him, his own desire and ache for you being contained solely by his (dwindling) self-restraint. 

You look at him, gaze possibly the most desperate he’s ever seen it be. Your body trembles with anticipation, begging for him to touch you. And while he’d love to prolong this moment, to lavish you slowly and tenderly, to watch you grow impatient as you yearn for more his touch in the places you need him most, he really can’t wait either. 

More accurately, he doesn’t want to wait. He knows he can hold back, he knows he can restrain himself if he needs to, he knows he can do things slowly, but if neither of you can wait, if you’re both desperately reaching out for one another, then why draw it out? He knows what you want, and he wants to give it to you.

"I want to watch you cum," Changbin tells you, voice nearly a whisper in your ears. "Over, and over," he continues, your body shivering in response as you watch him trail downward. “You want that, right? To cum for me?” he asks rhetorically. He already knows the answer, but he wants you to say it anyway. 

“Y-Yes, please,” you all but whine, and he smiles, licking his lips and wasting no further time talking. He pushes your thighs further apart, hooking his arms underneath to hold them in place. You let out a loud moan when his mouth finds your clit, his grip on your thighs stopping you from squirming or closing your legs around his head. 

He’s barely even begun but you already feel like the air has been knocked from your lungs, the pleasure making you feel dizzy. Your hands reach for his hair, the groan that leaves his mouth when you pull making you shiver. Various obscenities leave your mouth as he alternates between licking and sucking, your legs already shaking as your high approaches dangerously fast.

It’s been months since you felt his tongue on you, and with his skill it was obvious you’d cum fast. You couldn’t hope to delay it even if you wanted to. His pace is perfect, remembering just how you like it as if there was never a break between you to begin with. You bite your lip, trying in vain to quiet the whimpers and moans that leave you as your high overtakes your body. 

Even as your high recedes, Changbin doesn’t relent, keeping his pace on your clit as if nothing happened. You whine loudly, overstimulation setting fire to your skin. His strong hold on you prevents you from moving even an inch, all you can do is lie there and continue to take the onslaught of overwhelming, almost painful, pleasure. 

Not wanting to hurt his scalp with your harsh tugging, you move your hands to the bedsheets, clawing at them desperately. He squeezes your thighs in his hands, as if to ground you while he unrelentingly showers your clit with his affection. Your second orgasm comes even faster than the first somehow, back arching and eyes rolling back as your body tenses and releases in an instant. 

As before, he continues through it, drawing it out and making you whine loudly when it quickly becomes too much to bear. Your arousal is practically gushing out of you, and you finally get a small moment of reprieve when Changbin moves to lick the cum from your hole. Your breathing is ragged, chest heaving and body buzzing. 

Changbin removes one of his hands from your thigh, moving it to easily slide two of his fingers into your heat. You let out another choked gasp, his fingers wasting no time to locate your sweet spot and rub against it. “B-Binnie,” you stutter out between gasps, “I-I cant.” It’s almost too good, your brain reeling when he starts to thrust his fingers into you quickly.

He looks up at you, an almost playful glint behind the lust-filled look in his eyes. “Yes you can,” he encourages sweetly, letting go of your other leg to come closer to your face. He’s looking at you intently now, smiling as he watches you succumb to the pleasure you’re feeling. Your head is thrown back, nails digging into the bedsheet and bottom lip trapped between your teeth. 

“Look at me,” he says, and he feels you clench tightly around his fingers when you do. His lustful expression makes you weak, his smile making your gut want to erupt into butterflies. You try to keep his gaze, to not close your eyes or look away, but it’s so hot you can barely stand it. You don’t think you’ll be able to handle much more of it without devolving into insanity. 

You cum again, legs closing around his fingers and head falling back as you do. “Good girl, my good girl,” he praises you through it, slowing to a stop once he feels your body begin to relax. He gives you some time to catch your breath after he slides his fingers out of you, licking them clean before he stands from the bed. You watch as he finally removes his pants and boxers, and then returns to his position between your legs. 

“I'm going to fuck you now,” he tells you, smiling when you let out a shy whine in response. Changbin lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss you as he slides in. The multiple orgasms make it easier for your body to accept him, the stretch still stinging but not at all bad.

He kisses you sweetly, always enjoying doing so while you got used to the feeling of his cock, loved making you taste yourself on his tongue as you acclimated to his size. 

It didn’t take long for you to roll your hips against his, seeking blissful friction. “Baby just can’t wait?” Changbin asks teasingly, though he has to admit he loves it. If you weren’t so dazed from pleasure, you’d see he’s just as desperate as you, if not more so. He loves when you are as equally needy as him, when you become lost in him and how he makes you feel. 

“You want to cum again, is that it?” he asks when he begins to finally thrust into you. “Y-Yes, want to cum,” you nod almost frantically, “want you to come too.” Changbin groans, your words always having an incredible effect on him. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll cum for you,” he promises as he picks up his pace, finding his rhythm with relative ease.

One hand holds yours while the other moves to your clit, rubbing it in circles. He whispers praises to you, each one making you clench around him. “Good girl, my perfect baby, doing so well, feels so good around me, love you,” he begins to babble as he chases his orgasm. He expected not to last long, but he’ll make sure it’s good for you until the end. 

If your neighbors weren’t concerned before, they definitely are now given how loud your voice is carrying through the apartment. You can’t hold them back anymore, not that Changbin would let you in the first place, but you’re too far gone to care. His once steady pace quickly grows sloppy, his low moans turning into high pitched, breathy whimpers. 

You reach your high first, mouth hanging open in a silent moan as your body quivers beneath his. Changbin follows closely behind, his hips stuttering as his cum shoots into you in hot spurts. You reach up, pulling him into one more kiss as he comes down from his high. His body relaxes, falling against you, though still careful not to crush you under his weight. 

His head rests just under yours, and you kiss his temple, hand running through his hair lazily. “I love you,” you mumble, exhaustion clear in your voice.

Your eyes are closed, your movements slow, and Changbin finds it so endearing that even in this state you want to show your love. “I love you too baby, so much,” he kisses your cheek, as it’s the only place he can reach without moving from his spot. 

He’ll take care of you soon, get the both of you cleaned up so you can sleep in his arms peacefully as you always did before, but for now, even if it’s just for a few moments, he wants to lay next to you. To hold your hand as the two of you catch your breath, to stare at your beautiful face, to feel the euphoria of having you as his.

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he’s decided that it's okay. He doesn’t need to hold every answer in his hands, or worry about could be’s and what if’s. He doesn’t know if this happiness will continue, if you’ll always be together without anything getting in your way, but how can he be satisfied with his life if he didn’t try? How can he be happy if he lives his life complacently? 

Maybe the smart decision would have been to let you go, to never see you again and let yourselves go separate ways, but would he be content with that decision? Could he say he would never lie awake at night wondering if that was the right thing to do, or if he should’ve chosen differently? And if two things make him happy, does he really have to choose between them? Would it really be so bad to have both? 

Nothing will be perfect, ever. No one is promised eternal joy, or a blessed life. No one can spend every moment happy, no one can have everything always go the way they want. The only guarantee in life is that you will suffer– but it is what you do with that suffering that shapes what your life will become from that point onward. 

Maybe what he has now with you is fleeting. Maybe years from now it’ll crumble in front of him all over again. But isn’t it worth fighting for? If he has a chance to have everything he’s ever wanted, shouldn’t he do his best to take it? Shouldn’t he keep it in his hands, and protect it with all his might? 

Even if it’s in vain, even if he’ll only suffer again in the future, this moment of happiness with you is worth it. Listening to your slowed breathing, feeling your skin against his, knowing that you love him and he loves you– it’s worth it. When he wakes up to your sweet voice, hears your elated laugh, sees your adorable expressions and beautiful body, it’s worth it. 

Maybe you’ll live together in the future, and maybe you won't. Maybe you’ll have a family, and maybe you won’t. Maybe his career will remain unaffected, or maybe it won’t. Regardless of what could or couldn’t be, he won’t live with doubt.

He can be happy knowing he fought to keep you until the very end, if the end ever comes. He can live a life full of laughter and love, even if it’s only for a finite amount of time. And nothing will be perfect, ever, but as long as Changbin has you with him, it’s the closest he’ll ever have.

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Things Overheard Through Motel Walls

Just a little Wincest plot bunny that hopped across my path this morning. I'm probably not going to continue this, just wanted to follow the angst for a bit and thought I'd share.

Tags: jealous Dean, bottom Sam, implied smut, angst

Words: 1514

Read it on AO3

~~~

Chapter One

Dean clicked off the tv and tossed the remote onto the nightstand between the beds. He didn’t need to look over to know that Sam’s bed was still made, sheets still folded neatly over the blanket and pillows perfectly squared up against the headboard. He’d dropped his duffle on the floor on the other side by the little table next to the heavily curtained window, before he headed back out. All he’d said was not to wait up and then the door clicked shut and he was gone.

Dean hadn’t bothered to ask where he was going or why, Sam had grown increasingly agitated over the previous long days cooped up in the car together. His right knee bouncing, his palms wiping against the soft denim covering his upper legs, his mouth pressed into a tight, flat line as his nostrils practically flared with each breath. He’d been wound up in a way that Dean rarely got to see, getting tighter and tighter with it every day since his close brush with the faith healer’s wife and her pet reaper.

The flipping of their usual script, where normally Dean would be the one rushing out to find a way to release pent up energy, was not lost on Dean. But where Sam was buzzing apart at the seams, Dean was just tired and not done wallowing in the guilt yet. So he reached over, without looking, and flipped off the light on the nightstand and wallowed quietly to himself in the dark.

He was teetering on the edge of sleep when a door slammed closed somewhere near by. His mind quickly dismissed it, just part of the normal background of living out of motels. Even the muffled murmuring of a voice through the wall served more as a gentle lullaby than a disturbance. He drifted in and out of consciousness, like lying in the sand at the edge of a vast, calm sea as gentle waves of sleep pushed and pulled at him, sinking him lower and lower into the shifting sand.

A thump against the wall startled him out of it though and he grunted in irritation as he tried to settle back into it.

“Cheap-ass motel walls.” he muttered.

But then another thump, followed by another, and then another, hit the wall from the other side and he groaned loudly to himself, hoping that whoever was doing the fucking next door had crappy stamina.

The murmur through the wall grew louder until Dean couldn’t help but make out a clear “Fuck… yeah.”

Dean’s eyes flew open.

That was Sam.

A groan and a string of curses that faded unintelligibly followed, all distinctly Sam, followed by more murmuring.

“Get it, Sammy!” he chuckled, a grin spreading across his face as the thumps settled into a steady, driving pace, punctuating a low chorus of moans.

“Yeah? You like that? Yeah, taking it so good!”

Dean sprang up and half turned, twisted up in the sheets as he stared in shock at the dark wall between the rooms. That hadn’t been Sam. It hadn’t been Sam and it wasn’t some chick, unless Sam had suddenly developed a thing for older women who did nothing but smoke and gargle whiskey.

“Fuck!” Sam keened and it hit Dean low in the gut.

I should go. I shouldn’t be listening to this, Dean thought as he scrambled to untangle himself and get out of his bed.

“God, Sam, you’re so…” the man’s voice, the man who was apparently fucking his brother in the next room, got quiet enough that the words didn’t carry clearly, so Dean didn’t know what Sam was to him in that moment.

I can’t, I don’t need to know, Jesus Christ! The bathroom, I’ll go turn the fucking shower on until they’re done.

Dean was moving across his room when he could hear Sam talking again, he didn’t even try to make out what he said but he didn’t have to when the other guy said, “Sammy, huh? Yeah, yeah I can... Come on, Sammy! So fucking tight! You like that? Gonna come on my cock, Sammy?”

Dean froze for a moment, his hand on the bathroom door knob. He didn’t need to hear this. He shouldn’t know. But he couldn’t move.

“Oh fuck yeah! Right there! Right… Fuck!”

Dean knew, in an almost intellectual, detached sort of way, that Sam had sex, and that he’d probably masturbated in relatively close proximity to Dean at various points, after all, Dean knew that he, himself had jerked off more times than he could count while one of them was in the bathroom with the door safely closed between them. Hell, he’d rubbed one out while Sam had been asleep in the next bed on a few occasions. But the days of him not knowing what his brother sounded like when he came (loudly on some stranger’s dick) were over. And now he immediately wished that he’d shut the bathroom door faster, but it wasn’t until Sam’s moans faded out and the other guy’s got louder, that Dean was finally able to make himself move and click the door shut.

His fingers swiped up the wall quickly, he could still hear the guy, and flipped on the light switch. With the painfully bright fluorescent light came the automatic vent fan, blissfully loud and finally drowning out the sounds that Dean already knew were going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He staggered back and sat down on the side of the bathtub, burying his face in his hands as he waited to see if the pounding of his heart was enough to actually kill him.

It was nearly 9am before Sam wandered over from next door to find Dean awake and sitting hunched over Dad’s journal at the rickety table. There were two large paper cups of coffee sitting there, one by Dean’s hand, the other sitting closer to the door.

Sam nodded at the closer cup, “For me?”

Dean grunted.

“Thanks.” Sam picked it up as he sat down on the other chair and took a sip.

Dean knew it was cold, because he’d gotten it hours ago. He also knew that it tasted like shit, because he’d gotten it from the sketchy gas station next door that obviously hadn’t cleaned the pots in way too long. Sam grimaced at the taste but rather than putting it down, he just slammed the rest of it it back all at once.

Dean closed the journal and stood up.

“Grab your shit, I want to hit the road.” he said as he turned and dropped the book into his own duffle before zipping it closed with a hard jerk.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?” Sam joked, a smile toying with the edges of his mouth.

“I just want to get out of here.” Dean bit out, the black mood he’d been sitting in all night had only darkened further in contrast to the way his brother seemed to be almost glowing.

Sam blinked at him is shock. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s… Really? What’s wrong?” Dean dropped the heavy bag back down onto the bed like he was trying to shove it through to the floor. “Um, gee, Sam, I don’t know? What could possibly be wrong? It’s not like you were getting fucked right on the other side of the wall last night or anything.”

The color drained out of Sam’s face. “You… heard that?”

“Yeah. I heard. I could hear everything.”

Sam looked up at him, Dean couldn’t quite make out the look, Sam seemed to be running through a bunch of thoughts/emotions rapidly, shock, embarrassment, indignation, even a brief flash of anger… before settling firmly into uncertain worry.

“Everything, Sa…” his stomach twisted up as the nickname stuck in his mouth. It was too much, he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to say it again without hearing some douchebag moaning it through the wall in his head. “… Sam.”

He snatched up his bag again and stormed out of the room. Sam was still inside when Dean slammed the Impala’s trunk shut and settled heavily in behind the steering wheel. It wasn’t until his door was closed and he was jamming the key into the ignition that Sam stalked out of the room. The passenger door creaked and banged shut, enclosing them both into the stiflingly small interior just as Dean shifted into reverse and backed out of the parking space.

“Dean, I…”

But Dean didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear Sam’s excuse or story or about his feelings or whatever fucked up thing he was going to say. He couldn’t. So he cranked the volume on the radio to a ridiculous degree to drown him out.

Sam was smart enough to drop it and instead of shouting or turning down the radio to try to get Dean to listen to him, he just sank into the passenger seat and stared out his window without saying anything else.

~~~

This was just the first chapter, the rest of fic (six chapters totaling 10,733 words) can be read on AO3.

Read the full fic on AO3