#werefuckeditsfine

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

If you feel nothing then why are you shaking

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

I’m Nikki

I hate this. I didn't want to do this to someone I love. But when they have been doing what they have been doing to me despite saying that they love me, I had to bid them goodbye. Why? Because I am also someone I love. And I can't keep doing this to me. That's why when I hugged you today, as I cried, I told you I am sorry. That wasn't an apology for anything I've said or done in the time we've known each other. In fact I've been really good to you. But today I said sorry because it was goodbye. And it's new for me. To cut somebody off. To ignore somebody I once said I loved. But I have to do this. Why? Because I am the most precious person to myself. At least that's how I have to start living now.

[dieabadass]

Take Me Back

To The Night

We Met

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

Pure love

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to traverse the juicy pathways of his own heart. A man who can stand to be called out on his shit. A man who, when you boldly ask him to be there, says yes-hell yes...and shows up beautifully, with every ounce of his beating heart.

There is nothing more beautiful than a man who talks openly and passionately about what’s on his mind rather than pulling far away and glossing it over with a bullshit generic response of

“I’m fine.”

There is nothing more breathtaking in the world than a man who knows the salty taste of tears. A man who lets you see him on his worst days...stripped, sad and raw...vulnerability hanging out of his split-open heart like ripped ribbons.

There is nothing more bone-suckin’ delicious than a man who knows how to take care of a woman, how to touch her softly and fiercely at the same time, how to fuck her wildly while gazing gently into the sapphire depths of her soul, how to set her free while claiming her and make her feel like a cherished jewel of divinity, like the goddess she is.

There is absolutely nothing more astounding than a man who kisses like he could die five minutes from now. A man who understands the preciousness of this breath, this inhale…and exhale. A man who wants nothing more than to face the world together as you both smile, breathe, set the air around you on delicate fire, transcend bullshit and ascend towards nectar galaxies far too beautiful to comprehend.

There is nothing more maddeningly magnificent than a man who pulls you close and declares his love for you, and shouts it from the rooftops like music, and weaves his fingers through yours with ripe enthusiasm, and isn’t scared to call you too soon, and call you out on your shit, and call you the luscious love of his life.

There is nothing more goddamn gorgeous than a man who is fiercely himself, who holds the strongest heart space in his warm, sultry embrace...for you to bloom, blossom, flourish and soar...as he does the same.

At the end of every dissolving sands, apricot sunset-soaked day —

There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to love himself. A man who values the truth running through his veins like sacred ink. A man brave enough to be there for you and himself when shit is beautiful and when it’s completely falling apart.

This is the kind of man you deserve. A man who isn’t afraid of emotion. A man who shows up one hundred percent. A man who is ready...who craves every drop, drip and ounce of an authentic, earthy goddess of a wonderful woman like you. Let him kiss you with his entire being until you remember who you really are.

Don’t settle down with him...

Settle UP into a more luscious, technicolor life. A life so beautiful it hurts sometimes. A life so fulfilling you’ll never be thirsty again. A life so freeing and spun of soul it makes you dizzy. Anything less than this heartfelt, present, purely sacred beauty is a goddamn tragedy.

Don’t settle Down...

Settle UP. ‘Cause when the divine masculine meets the divine feminine, magic happens. The sweetest magic of all.

- unknown

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

So when I see all the colorful shapes turn to faces with smiles I know my soul is awake

May I smell but a flower, may I hear but a song

Tired of petals, grubs and before the music is gone

Taste of venegeance is bitter, taste of victory sweet

Celebrating my wins might also be my defeat

When the shadows are cast and the branches are bare

If it's not about love I will no longer care

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

It was worth it all…you are magik

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

"Somewhere between holding on and letting go, I lost the part of myself that believed things could ever be okay again. I keep waiting for a moment of clarity, a glimpse of light to break through the clouds, but all I see is the same empty sky that mocks me with its indifference. Every step I take feels like walking through quicksand, sinking deeper with every breath, and I wonder if I’ll ever find solid ground again, or if I’m destined to wander forever, searching for a home that no longer exists."

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

After 12 plus years of being married these are some of the things I now know but wish I would have learned along time ago:

Love hurts when you try to fit squares into circles. Sometimes someone just simply cannot be what you need in a partner. It doesn’t NECESSARILY mean that they aren’t a good person or a good partner for someone else. We all have our own individual set of needs and wants based on our own selves and the collection of our past experiences. Love takes more than just the feeling of love to work. Love is sacrifice. Love is an act. Love is respect and keeping promises, when we have the power to do so. Love is making the choice to be the best partner you can possibly be even when you know you will inevitably fall short. Love isn’t perfect by any means and it’s not ALL you need. You need action along with love to make it last. Feeling love isn’t enough. Love is just a vehicle but you still need to get in and drive it to the next destination which is commitment and then trust. The only way I can trust is by knowing my partner has the ability to be honest with not only me but also himself.

Simple right

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

its quite hard to explain just how much i miss those bright brown eyes, and the way you say you love me through intertwined lips. it’s not quite possible to wrap up the way your hand fits in mine, or the feeling your touch gives me, into syllables of a sufficient meaning. im not quite sure you realize just how perfect you are in every form of the word. how our bodies move together flawlessly, like the currents of the ocean and the waves upon the sand. how 86,400 seconds out of the day are devoted to thinking of you in one form or another. every word that exits those lips of yours is as intriguing and beautiful as vincent van gogh’s paintings and your writings are art incomparable to any other, a caliber of their own. maybe this is just a jumbled 11:44pm script on loneliness and the absence of a lover, but i think its more than that. or maybe it isnt. maybe thats what our love is. a late night jumbled state of consciousness that only really makes sense to us. i highly doubt that, but if it was, itd still be beautiful. the beauty of our love rivals those of the stars and of paradises far away. i find shelter in even the thought of your embrace, so does that make my imagination vivid or your touch infinite? i feel as though this makes no sense but at the same time makes all the sense in the world. we are perfect for each other, matched by no one. we are indefinite, infinite

We are ghosts

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

Boardwalk girls girls here fall like stars: brilliant ravenous red-molten warpaths eating up the neon atmosphere and radiating poison in lipstick- colored fire- girls here pull splinters from the bottoms of their bare feet and they lick the blood from their fingertips- girls here make deals with demons and they come out with a royal flush, come out bright and grinning come out wearing crowns of horns and necklaces of unholy bones- girls here lick sugar from bruised lips- they got the princess knives tucked in their socks they got their corral of gods they keep close, call out when the asphalt gets hot when the gloves drop- girls here swallow the sea- nothing about them is pretty or good and they fight with bared teeth- girls here know that you are what you hold, you’re the blade you bring, you’re the songs you shout out down highway trails windows open to the violent stars- girls here are no one’s muse- girls here paint their own portraits slick in ichor and oil fever-bright with stars and blood

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

Shifting my perspective on life wasn’t easy. I was so used to holding onto my stubborn ways, driven by my ego, convinced that I always had to be right. It’s incredible how much we let those old patterns define us, keeping us stuck in a loop of frustration and resistance. But once I started to realize how much my own mindset was holding me back, everything began to change. And let me tell you, it was one of the hardest—and best—things I’ve ever done.

There’s something deeply comforting about the familiar, even when it doesn’t serve us. For the longest time, I was so caught up in my own rigid thinking that I couldn’t see how it was impacting my growth. My ego had me believing that any shift in my thinking was a sign of weakness, as if changing my mind or perspective was somehow an admission of failure. But I came to understand that growth requires discomfort. It demands that we loosen our grip on the things that no longer serve us.

When I finally began the process of letting go, it was like I had unlocked a door to a completely new way of living. At first, it felt awkward—challenging even—to take responsibility for my own mindset. To admit that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t know everything. But that’s where the magic happens. When you start to view every experience, every challenge, as an opportunity to grow rather than something to resist, life opens up in ways you could never have imagined.

And let me tell you, the progress I’ve made? It feels incredible. I’m proud of myself for doing the hard work, for stepping out of the comfort zone I’d built around my ego. The person I’m becoming is someone I truly admire. Every step, no matter how difficult, has been worth it because I’m no longer bound by old habits of thinking. I’m more open, more flexible, and honestly, more at peace with life than I’ve ever been.

I’ve learned to embrace progress over perfection. The journey toward bettering yourself is not a straight line—it’s full of twists, turns, and moments where you’ll have to check your ego at the door. But I’m excited. Excited to continue evolving, to keep pushing the boundaries of what I thought was possible for myself. The growth never stops, and neither does the joy that comes with it.

It feels good to finally be aligned with who I’m becoming. To know that while the process is ongoing, I’m no longer a prisoner of my old ways. I’m grateful for the journey, and more than anything, I’m grateful for the awareness that each new day is an opportunity to continue becoming the best version of myself.

It feels amazing to say: I’ve come a long way, and I’m just getting started 🤌

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

Finding a partner who will hold your hand and never let go is about far more than companionship; it’s about finding a connection so deep that it transcends the ordinary boundaries of love. When we talk about the kind of love that stands the test of time, we’re referring to a love built on an unshakable foundation of mutual respect, genuine care, and a shared journey of growth and discovery. This is a love that doesn’t just survive through life’s ups and downs, but thrives, strengthening with every challenge faced together. It is in this partnership that we find a safe haven—a space where both souls can truly flourish, both individually and as a united force.

In a world where many relationships begin to falter under the weight of routine or hardship, true love flourishes in the ability to continually choose each other, day after day, through the thick and thin. Imagine having someone who sees you in your rawest form, understands your vulnerabilities, and still holds your hand with unwavering loyalty. This is a partner who doesn’t let go when things get tough, when the storm clouds gather. Instead, they grip tighter, becoming the shelter you didn’t know you needed.

Love that endures isn’t merely about grand gestures or fleeting moments of passion. It’s about the quiet, unspoken understanding that, no matter what, you have each other’s backs. It’s a love that finds joy in the mundane—sipping coffee together on a lazy Sunday morning, or stealing glances across a crowded room. It’s the laughter that bubbles up unexpectedly in shared inside jokes, the comfort of knowing someone intimately understands your quirks and dreams. It’s waking up every day and knowing that you’re building something bigger than yourself—a life, a future, a shared legacy.

The kind of partner who holds your hand and never lets go is someone who sees the potential in you even when you can’t see it yourself. They remind you of your strength, your worth, and the infinite possibilities within you. They challenge you to grow while simultaneously offering a safe space to fall when you need it. It’s a love that balances passion with patience, excitement with calm, and individuality with unity.

This love is not about perfection—it’s about being perfectly imperfect together. It’s about learning to navigate life’s messy, unpredictable terrain side by side, supporting each other through every stumble, every victory. It’s about celebrating the small wins and holding each other up during the hard days. It’s knowing that, at the end of it all, you’re in this together, not just for the good times, but for every moment in between.

Ultimately, finding such a partner means finding someone who doesn’t just promise to be there when things are easy but vows to walk with you through the storms. This is someone who sees the beauty in your scars, who cherishes your stories, and who dreams with you of a future that’s as boundless as the love you share.

In the end, it’s not about having the perfect life, but about sharing life’s imperfections with someone who makes even the darkest days brighter simply by being there—someone who will never let go of your hand, because you are their home as much as they are yours.

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

[spiritualgangstrb4be]

Losing you was grey.

It was slow and gradual and that hurts so much more than red or black. I wish you had left abruptly but I had to watch every color we painted lose its meaning until everything was grey. It started off slow. You stopped asking me how my day was. Maybe you didn’t care anymore, maybe you never did. then it was missed calls and hours between replies. I thought you were busy. I didn’t realize how fast you can lose people in gaps of time. You saw me less, and I stopped hearing the anticipation in you voice. I stopped feeling the lust on your lips. Our conversations started feeling like a chore you had to force yourself into. You stopped saying goodnight and thats when I knew I lost you. It was small things, it started off with such a simple phrase. Conversations got shorter until there was nothing left. I look back at it and I can’t believe how an entire relationship can crash so silently. You left without making a sound. It was like you were secretly planning it all along. I wonder when you decided this wasn’t enough anymore. I felt it coming. I can’t lie and say it was a surprise. But the thing about a slow ending is you think you can save it. You think if you slowly take off the band-aid you can ease yourself into it but it just ends up hurting over a longer period of time. I watched you fall out of love with me slowly and that stung more than anything. I watched myself lose myself in trying to regain your attention. I tried speaking softer, I tried kissing more passionately. I lost 10 pounds. I tried to not make a sound, chewed quieter. I didn’t realize that I had already lost you and I was losing myself too now. I still can’t believe how much pain someone can cause with so little mess. Our breakup wasn’t glass shattering, it wasn’t a crime scene with blood splattered on the walls, it wasn’t messy. It was quiet. it was slow, It was drowning in the middle of the ocean with no one to hear you. slow painful death with no one to blame but yourself for swimming so far so carelessly. I wish I knew what made you stop caring about how my day went. I wish you stayed…