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martianbugsbunny · 2 years

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OUAT Thoughts Pt.74--Episodes 19-20

I have watched through S7E20; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

I’m gonna miss having to ask spoilers to DNI. If there’s one show I wish I could watch from scratch for a second time, it’s Once Upon A Time. But the idea of not having it rattling around in my brain is also kinda sad, so I guess it’s for the best that I can’t.

—Holy sh*t this sh*t is batsh*t crazy.

—Time travel?!?!! It isn’t bad enough that we had a curse and memory loss but it also had to be time travel?

—TWO RUMPLESTILTSKINS?!?!? Woooow. One of them is the good version of Rumple who’s had character growth and one of them is the Dark One version of him who still burns down villages and says “dearie.” Honeys I am just living. Large. Two Rumples in the same place. Wow.

—I love that basically the first thing Hook did when he remembered who he was, was staring in disgust at his false hand. Icon.

—Actually, there’s technically three Rumples in the same world right now. Once again, wow.

—It’s so sad that when everyone got back their memories, Hook had to be loaded into an ambulance and Rumple was all balonely.

—I’m even less emotionally prepared for Hook dying than I am for Rumple dying. If Hook dies I will never recover. I will cry my body weight in tears and flood my neighborhood. So if a random Midwestern town goes underwater for no apparent reason in the next couple o days, y’all heard it here first.

—Those wood nymphs were pretty. I like how they went for the turquoise instead of standard green, and the red clothing was a brilliant touch. Great color palette.

—I’m now mad at fictional ancient humans and Gothel for wrecking Earth’s magic. How dare they take that from us? They made our world so boring.

—I adore Alice for choosing love over hate. She is such a beautiful little lady, and she’s so clever.

—Her little origami white rabbit in her little origami mushroom forest was cute. I’m soft for handicrafty people to begin with, and add that to bunnies being my fave animal and Wonderland being my fave book, and you get a whole lot of being soft for Alice.

—Family stakeouts are the best.

—Kudos to Rumple for doing the right thing and helping Regina try to restore Henry’s memory. He messed up, yes, but he did his best to make it right, and what’s more he actually apologized.

—I’m very glad he and Regina seem to have reached an amiability because them being shady pals together makes me happy.

—I love the friendly, companionable way Hook said “crocodile” when he got his memories back. It went from *loathing, hatred, saying it is like a curse on your very soul* to *cute, almost fond nickname*

—In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m low-key still on my CaptainCroc kick and in a little while I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. I can’t decide if I’mma wait until I watch through the show again (which is going to happen, because I’ve discovered that I can no longer live without these characters) so I can get as much detail in each season as I have for the seventh, or if I’m gonna shoot my best shot sooner. Probably should’ve started with this, but I’m building a CaptainCroc AU that’s basically just the canon story but CaptainCroc. I have like five drafted posts for it at this point, because I’m waiting to post the headcanons until I post the AU itself, and nobody asked to hear any of this right now but I’m enjoying writing the stuff.

—If you got through that last RKO outta nowhere chunk, here 🫶🙌👏 You deserve heart hands, a high five, and applause. That was a tangent and a half.

—Is Facilier really dead? I must say, I’m a little bit disappointed with how he turned out. They got the aura right; the flickering lights in his presence, the cards (though he could’ve done with a bit more slight-of-hand), and the stuff in the episode where he was introduced was really choice. But they didn’t use him soon enough. We should’ve wasted less time on Tremaine and Drizella, who turned out to be pretty meaningless anyway, and more time on him. Although I will concede that, as the guy working in the shadows, he does work well *alongside* other villains, because that kind of character doesn’t necessarily work great as a singular big bad.

—I like the casting for him tho. Facilier in the movie is interesting because he’s skinny, verging on scrawny; he’s not physically intimidating at all. Compare him to a badguy like Scar from the Lion King. Scar has green eyes, sharp claws, a devious expression, all signs that we’re not supposed to trust him, maybe even that we should fear him. Facilier is a much more neutral-looking fellow, so any sense of fear or apprehension about him comes only from the narrative. But I actually enjoy that he’s a bigger guy in this show, because a crime baron should be someone who’s intimidating through appearance alone. Especially considering it took us a long time to build up to him using magic, giving him a broader, more imposing physique worked to his advantage.

—Also, the dude’s voice is lovely.

—When he’s around people like Alice and Hook, Rumple is really gentle and I’m all here for it. When Hook asked who he was, Rumple smoothed it over without brushing it aside, because he figured the whole truth would probably make Hook more upset. He was also very good with Hook when he’d just escaped the witches and was agitated. Gentle Rumple is yet another laddie I’m soft for.

—I love the parenting in this show. I mean, bad or shaky parenting is also one of the core elements of the story, which is a good counterpoint, but the good parenting is really good. Regina is incredibly supportive of Henry. She makes it clear that his feelings are valid and that he is heard, and I must stan her for it.

—I was gonna say “if Gothel is gone, and Facilier is dead, who’s gonna be the finale villain?” but I just had the terrible, horrible, no good very bad thought that it might be Wish Realm Rumple. Worst case scenario? He kills Rumple, then dies when Alice takes the power from him as the Guardian. Watching two Rumples die in the span of two episodes might end me.

—Can we get some Storybrooke please? If I have to be incredibly sad, then I’d at least like to see the Charmings again.

—Once again, this show is giving me mega Ever After epilogue vibes. “The point, gentlemen, is that they lived.”

—My mom just proposed that the Rumple in Storybrooke will die, and then Alice will take the dagger from Rumple and he’ll become mortal, and *then* he and Belle will grow old and die together and honestly that’s pretty much a same-level sucker punch to the feels, but for different reasons. Watch us both be wrong and the real end be much worse than either of us can imagine.

#once upon a time #ouat #rumplestiltskin #the dark one #dark one Rumplestiltskin #Captain Hook #gothel #regina mills #Alice #Alice jones #Henry Mills-swan #dr. Facilier #captaincroc #storybrooke please?#martianbugsbunny reviews

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fletchphoenix · 4 years

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Steal Your Heart

Thank you to @angel-dust-now and @honeyxmonkey for your amazing prompts! Tried to incorporate them both into this and I hope you enjoy this! The next chapter of the high school AU just isn’t up to my standard at the moment so hopefully it will be soon. Anyway, thank you for your support and onwards with the chapter!

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Of course the day before his arranged marriage, Rapunzel and Eugene had decided to host a ball. It was obvious that they’d do that to get Varian to ‘meet the suitors’ and all that jazz. Of course his suitor was the most obnoxious person in the world - he just HAD to be. Varian groaned as he had to deny yet another unwanted advance, leaning back against a cool, marble pillar as Leonard relented and went away to find another man to flirt with. His eyes rolled as he looked away, a frown falling onto his face. Silently, he tugged on the collar of his shirt as Rapunzel glanced over with a saddened expression, him meeting her eyes before promptly averting his eyes to the floor of the ballroom and focusing on the golden details.

He was trying. He just..didn’t like the guy’s face or voice or personality or..okay maybe he wasn’t trying, but he couldn’t help it! He was being forced (‘prompted’ was how Rapunzel had put it upon proposing the idea to him, but he knew that it was simply to make him more complicit to accepting the idea) to marry a guy he didn’t know for the sake of a kingdom that he knew thought he was a monster. He hated it here, so honestly, the kingdom probably just wanted to get rid of him in the only way they knew how - marriage.

Marriage. Marriage as a prince was a curse. Something that wasn’t for love or endearment - it was just for status of the king and queen and good public relations, and to prevent wars between kingdoms. He wished he’d just been born in the kingdom itself, instead of a castle which kept him cooped up every hour of every day. He’d never been allowed out of the castle’s walls, it only fed his curiosity instead of deterring him, desperate to know how other people lived and went about their lives and fell in love with each other...it sounded perfect. Well, for him at least. Eugene had always told him his time in the village was short, but he hated it more than anything else in the world. Varian neglected to believe him - Eugene had a tendency to over-exaggerate everything, take for example the time he thought he had the plague when it was merely a common cold.

From across the room, someone began to stroll over. Someone..who was admittedly handsome and a sight for sore eyes in Varian’s opinion - but when you’d been looking at the dim-witted face of Leonard all day...let’s just say a change of scenery was very needed. The mysterious stranger donned an emerald jacket, stretching down to his waist with golden thread weaved into intricate patterns along the sleeves and chest. Not at all conservative with the details, in Varian’s opinion. A gold waistcoat was slightly hidden by the jacket, brown trousers completing the outfit and a pair of black shoes clicked against the floor as he made his way over. Varian instantly scolded himself for staring, but he couldn’t help that a pretty stranger was coming over to talk to him. This never happened once in his life and now that it was happening..he allowed himself to experience a wave of childish excitement and wonder.

“Hey. What’s a beautiful prince like you doing here?” the man asked, a smirk playing on his lips. Now that he’d moved closer, Varian’s eyes drifted over the glasses that framed his face and the ribbon, matching the color of his jacket, holding his hair back in place in a semi-neat ponytail with his fringe slicked back. Varian had to admit - he was definitely more handsome up close. A sea of freckles covered pale cheeks as he leaned against the pillar to his right, gazing down at Varian. “Sorry, I guess I should ask for your name first. I’m Hugo. You?”

“Oh, right. Uh-my name is Varian. Prince Varian of Corona.” he stuttered out, his face flushing at the attention from someone as..well, not suave but someone actually flirting with him, for a change.

“Ah, right. Well, could I steal you away for one dance, my prince?” Hugo asked, holding his hand out and bowing, the smirk still playing on his lips as the other hand pushed the circular glasses up the bridge of his nose again with nimble fingers. Varian debated saying no, the thought sticking in his mind as he reminded himself he couldn’t, in fact, dance and he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of such a handsome man. Alas, he gave in to his inner urges and agreed to Hugo’s proposal, slipping his cool, gloved hand into the blonde’s warm, bare one and letting himself get guided through the ocean of dancing couples to a relatively quiet spot on the outskirts of the ballroom. Carefully, Hugo pulled him along into a waltz as they glided across the dancefloor.

Varian’s inexperience must’ve been evident from the way Hugo slowed his movements and gave him time to catch up and learn before he quickened their pace ever so slightly. It was sweet - no one was ever really this considerate of him and his limits. The smug smirk was still on the blonde’s face, however, as they swayed in time with the music, Varian’s head resting on his chest as he let himself get lost in the moment for a while. The feeling of Hugo’s chest rising and falling with his melodic breaths, the gentle thudding of his heartbeat, the warmth that practically engulfed his whole body and left him with no escape..it was heavenly. He knew it was going to kill him to have to marry someone like Leonard after he’d just met a diamond in the rough like Hugo.

“How about we get out of here?” Varian hesitantly asked, Hugo’s eyes glittering slightly before he avidly nodded. Varian took his hand in his, interlacing their fingers and sprinting out of the ball. Neither of them would be missed, he supposed, as he pulled Hugo down hallway after hallway, all seeming the same as the other laughed in excitement and confusion at where they were going. Varian’s heart fluttered at the sound. He would kill for that to be the only sound he’d ever hear again.

Eventually, they pair ended up outside, laughing and joking as they watched the moonlight shimmer against the surface of the pond in the walled garden of the castle as the sound of the ball faded away into little more than a murmur. Their fingers were still interlaced as they walked, gazing in awe at the sheer beauty of the gardens (and each other) with nothing but a comfortable silence between the pair until Hugo spoke up. “So, Prince Varian..what are your interests?” He questioned, glancing over at the other boy as they passed a particularly beautiful patch of red tulips, barely poking out of the ground and their crimson buds only just discernible in the moonlight.

“You’re probably going to call me nerdy or something but..alchemy is my one true passion. I don’t know what about it I love. Maybe it’s the processes and how intricate they are, or how useful it can be, but..I adore the subject. I also love my pet raccoon, Ruddiger and uh..probably singing. I’m...not that good, though. And I won't be able to do it much after I marry Leonard anyway..” He laughed nervously, his eyes fixing on the ground and hair falling into his face. His hand trailed up to tuck it behind his ear, but Hugo beat him to it, his hand lingering for slightly longer than socially accepted and causing a flush to rise on Varian’s pale cheeks.

“You’re in luck, hairstripe. I just so happen to be an expert in the sciences.” He began before going off on a tangent about alchemy and its processes and different formulas. Varian took in every word as if it were gospel, his eyes fixed on the other as every word flowed like a stream, each word encapsulating Varian even further into Hugo’s siren song as his delicate melody of a voice lured him in. “Well, how come you can’t do it after marriage?” Hugo pondered, his eyes meeting the younger boy’s, who immediately saddened.

“Everyone thinks I ruin everything here. They say the marriage is meant to ‘straighten me out’ and make me less of a ‘problem’ or at the minimum someone else's. Leonard even said today in the lab ‘we’ll soon take that hobby out of you’ as if it’s a problem. I get that I sometimes overestimate or miscalculate, but..I don’t know. I don’t wanna live my life with someone like Leonard and give up my freedom for a rat-faced little snob like him. But..I’ve got no choice.” Varian sighed as he bit his lip gently. “Never mind, I said too much I-”

“Run away with me.”

It had caught Varian off guard, the sudden proposal coming out of seemingly nowhere. Run away with a man he’d only known for a few hours the day before his arranged wedding with Leonard? It would be scandalous! Of course, the only reason that Corona really wanted him to marry was so he’d be out their hair for good, but it was still hard to accept Hugo’s offer. He had to admit, he’d thought about it a few times and he would need a guide to show him around the different places of the seven kingdoms, but..just running away?

“I..I know I’m being forward with this, but I felt a connection when I saw you, Varian. Something deep and real and true..I’ve never felt this way before, and I can’t bear to see you marry some stuck-up, prissy little prince like Leonard.” He continued, inching closer to Varian and backing into a small seating area, ivy almost concealing it. “Varian..it’s your choice, but..I love you. Sure, it’s early to say that, but..I’m sure of it.” He concluded as Varian stared at him in utter awe, in wonder of how bold the man in front of him was. He loved it.

“Hugo I..are you sure? Are you sure you love me?..” Varian muttered, his other hand sliding and fitting perfectly into Hugo’s. The light summer breeze blew between them as Hugo guided Varian closer, raising his hands to his lips and pressing a kiss against them gently before lowering them again.

Hugo hesitated before inching even closer, tilting his head slightly and leaning in. “I’m sure of it, my dear. In fact, I’ll prove it.” he whispered against Varian’s lips, them meeting soon after in a slow, careful and absolutely divine kiss. Arms wrapped around each other and pulled their respective partner’s closer to each other, eyes fluttering shut and letting themselves get lost in the experience of their lips meeting for the first time. It was all Varian had ever wished for..

...until it wasn’t.

Hugo was tugged out of his arms by the collar, Eugene pulling him away as Hugo stared at Varian with a solemn, regretful look on his face. Quick;y, Varian snapped out of his haze and pulled on Eugene’s sleeve. “Hey, get off him! What are you doing?” He yelled as he tried to stop his brother-in-law from taking Hugo away from him. “Eugene let him go!”

“This man, Varian, is a wanted criminal in Corona! So just head up to your room now.” Eugene snapped bitterly, completely unlike the playful man Varian knew and loved. It stunned him into silence before he stood his ground and replied with his own amount of sheer annoyance at the situation.

“Eugene! No! I’m not gonna let you just take him awa-”

“Room, now!” Eugene yelled, turning to the younger boy who by this point had flinched back, tears making wet trails down his cheeks before his back straightened. Varian gave a prompt reply of ‘yes sir’ before walking back inside, building into a sprint as he ran to his room in the castle, slamming the door and rattling the alchemical equipment on the table. Additionally, he’d disturbed Ruddiger, the raccoon peacefully sleeping on the twin sized bed before waking up to see his master’s emotionally distressed state and fruitlessly attempting to comfort the boy as his body shook with the sheer force of his sobs.

It took him a while, but he’d eventually calmed down. Ruddiger curled up in his arms as Varian pondered Hugo’s prior proposal. Running away was his only choice now, getting away from the life he’d resented for so long because of how unfair it was on everyone around him. All around him was poverty and despair, and he couldn’t stand for that anymore. War or not, he was living his own life from now on. A determination flooded through his body as he walked to his closet, changing into some peasant clothing that a cook had gifted to him for if he ever wanted to sneak out of the castle for a day. It wasn’t much: brown trousers, long black boots and a long-sleeved, teal shirt with a dark blue patch on the left arm along with an apron, but it would have to do. He also took a navy cape out of the closet for himself and a green one for Hugo should he decide to leave with him. He sauntered to his window, a new haze taking over him as Ruddiger jumped onto his shoulders.

Varian gazed out at the kingdom he knew and loved, little dim lights showing houses with their candles still lit as he pulled his navy cape around himself further. Tears welled in his eyes before he promptly dismissed them. No. He wasn’t giving his life away to marry some deadbeat prince from a useless kingdom as part of some peace treaty, he wanted to marry for love and not just to please the masses. That was his choice, and he had to do this, so why was he finding it so hard to leave the prison he called a home and the wardens that were his family. He bit his lip gently and carefully pushed open the window, light wind brushing past his face and ruffling his hair with its chilling air. Wow, this really was it. His first time leaving the castle...but he couldn’t just leave.

Quickly, he gathered an assortment of items that were necessities in his eyes: a few hundred gold pieces, his goggles and a few alchemical books and supplies, a small painting of his mother and father, a loaf of bread and a satchel to hold them all in. Hastily, he shoved all his belongings into his bag after he pulled out a small test tube. Stepping out into the hall, he shook it gently and a sickly, green glow radiated onto the walls as he turned left and began to rush down the winding hallway, determined to save the other boy currently locked in the dungeons.

It wasn’t a hard journey to make - all the staff and royals were asleep so there was no chance of him getting caught, dim light illuminating the seemingly longer halls as he sped down them. He wasn’t going to let himself or Hugo be subjected to a life of torture when they’d been so harmonious, so perfect for each other in the short time frame they’d known each other. It wasn’t fair. If Rapunzel could marry a peasant, why couldn’t he?

His footsteps hesitated in the hall. Rapunzel. How would she react to the news of his departure? He knew it was selfish - to risk a war in order to be with a man he’d only just met, but..she had to understand he couldn’t give away his free will to someone who couldn’t even tell magnesium from silver. Leonard had the intelligence of a goldfish - whereas Hugo knew vast amounts of things about alchemy and science..it was addictive to listen to the other boy speak about something he loved so endearingly. That was one more reason he couldn’t let the other get harmed at the hand of his family, as he pushed open the large, spruce door to the dungeons with Ruddiger in tow.

Pitch black darkness surrounded him, the light from his makeshift contraption providing a limited field of view, yet enough for him to find the keys and steal them from their miniature, metal hook on the wall. As he passed cell after cell, some with raspy breathing, he noticed how freezing cold it was and how inhumane these conditions were. He hoped Hugo was okay, he thought as he passed through before stopping in front of some metal bars, squinting to see in the darkness a familiar silhouette. “Hugo.” he whispered, the blonde’s head quickly turning as he stood and ran to the bars, his relieved smile glowing under the light of Varian’s glowing test tube.

“You came back.” His voice rasped as Varian unlocked the cell. Hugo immediately swung his arms around the boy and spun him around in a circle, picking him up with his hands on his waist. “Oh my stars, I’m so glad you’re okay. With the way Eugene yelled at you, I thought you were in trouble.” He breathed a sigh of relief before he set the younger boy down, his hands resting on his shoulders. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner about me and my past. I swear I was going to, but of course Eugene and-”

Varian cut off the older’s apology with a kiss to his lips, his way of showing his acceptance to it. “As lovely as it is to listen to your voice, we have to go now before someone realises I’m gone. I want to be with you, Hugo. Now come on, we have to go.” he prompted as the pair ran past the prison cells and out into the cool air of the night, hand in hand and ready to face whatever was thrown at them.

#varigo #varian and the seven kingdoms #varian x hugo #varian tangled #tangled varian #hugo tangled #tangled hugo #alchemy boyfriends

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shadyb00ts · 4 years

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A Chromatica Review

So I never really use Tumblr, but when I do go on here, it’s pretty much to review something long-form. As you can tell from my profile picture here, and from my glowing review of ARTPOP from 7 years ago, I am and have always been a Gaga stan. Just read the melodramatic first paragraph of my ARTPOP review and you’ll get the gist of how much I idolize this woman. Well, idolized. Past tense.

That’s not to say I suddenly hate Gaga–I’m still going to follow her career and listen to whatever she puts out. There have just been several factors this past year that have changed my perspective on how I view her, this album being one of those factors. But I’ll get to those later. First I just need to lay out all my issues with this album.

Yes, this is going to be that type of review, so if you’re a fellow Gaga stan that isn’t able to criticize her work, this probably isn’t for you. Otherwise please read to the end if you can, because this is honestly about more than just the album.

Issue #1: The Mismatch Between Music & Aesthetic

When the cover of the album came out, I was so gagged. Like, just look at it! It’s striking, and Gaga has rarely ever disappointed me when it came to visuals. Actually, I can’t even think of any visual choices she made in previous eras that disappointed me. Even in the Joanne era, the pink cowboy hat became iconic and all of her aesthetic choices fit with the overall vibe of that album cycle.

So naturally, when she revealed to us the new visual direction she was taking for Chromatica, I assumed it would give us some insight into how the music would sound. The aesthetic of this era always gave me grungy cyberpunk and heavy machinery tease. When I look at the album cover for example, I can hear a song produced by SOPHIE in my head, the clink-clank queen herself. (There were rumors that Gaga was going to or did work with SOPHIE but that was never confirmed, unfortunately for us.)

For those unfamiliar with SOPHIE, here’s Ponyboy, which was most recently used in the ad campaign for Beyoncé’s Ivy Park clothing line.

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That was the kind of production I was more or less expecting when taking the visuals into account; dark, metallic, basically similar to ARTPOP’s production (to be honest ARTPOP sonically fits better with the Chromatica aesthetic; think about it).

But what did we get? Light, garden variety dance pop, a stark contrast to what the album cover and the promo images teased us with.

In the album, we get these orchestral interludes that are beautiful but don't really mesh that well with the actual tracks. The songs don't have any orchestral elements by themselves, so the interludes felt a bit misplaced to me. I wish they'd incorporated more of that into the individual songs, so that there could be an orchestral through-line to give more cohesion, like what Ariana did in her album positions by using strings. However I will say, the transition from Chromatica II into 911 remains unmatched.

I get that the album is supposed to sound happy, that it was her returning to her “dance pop roots” and singing about serious topics like mental health over happy-sounding beats, because it’s supposed to reflect her current mental state. I get all that. But if that was the case, I think she should’ve gone with a different visual direction to match. Personally I wish she went a different direction musically instead, but even if it was just the other way around and she changed the aesthetic of this era, my opinion of the album would probably improve slightly, cause at least there would be cohesion between the visuals and the sonics.

I look at that album cover, and promo images like the one below, and then I listen to songs like Fun Tonight or Plastic Doll for example, and there’s a noticeable dissonance there.

You might be thinking “why are you so hard on her for this?” and I guess it’s because I’ve always held Gaga to a high standard when it comes to how she links those two elements. Think of every era she’s had in the past, and you remember how the visuals always just worked with their respective albums.

And that’s before I’ve even talked about the videos. Oh lord, the videos.

Issue #2: The Videos Are Lackluster (Except For 911)

It started with Stupid Love, the lead single. I had mixed feelings about that song in the beginning, but because I was so thirsty for new music from Gaga at the time, I played that song like hell when it leaked and it was on rotation for a good while. But when Gaga premiered the Stupid Love video, I’m not going to lie; I really didn’t like it.

The whole “shot entirely on iPhone” schtick really did the video a disservice. I’m sorry but it had to be said. If I imagined the video with a higher budget and more of a plotline as opposed to just being a dance video, I think it could’ve worked a lot better and been a decent introduction to not only Chromatica the album, but this fictional world/planet that she’s created. Which by the way, she didn’t really deliver in that regard either.

The concept of Chromatica being a fictional world could have been expanded on further; she could’ve showcased all of the different factions (I know they were called “tribes” at first but that’s appropriative so I’ll call them factions) and perhaps had an overarching storyline about how these factions are at war, and it’s Gaga’s job as one of the “Kindness Punks”, as she calls it, to bring everyone together for a rave.

This is why I will always say it: Chromatica needed to be a visual album. Just imagine the storyline I mentioned just now being turned into a full-length feature, and now imagine the album’s orchestral intro playing as they’re essentially opening the gates to Chromatica and Gaga discovers this world for the first time, and then it goes into the first song Alice where she’s meeting all the factions and getting acclimated to her surroundings.

Honestly I could go on and on cause I have thought about this for SO LONG now and I’ll never shut up about it. It’s just such a missed opportunity cause the concept was just begging for a visual album. Anyway sorry for my tangent: back to the Stupid Love video.

The whole “shot on iPhone” gimmick really was unfortunate. Like she really ruined the quality of a music video because she wanted that Apple check??? Come on, Gaga, there could’ve been some other way to secure that check.

And then there was the Rain On Me video, which definitely have visuals that are a massive improvement from Stupid Love because it was professionally shot and cinematic. But even that was another purely dance video with not much in the way of storyline. Not that storyline is always required for music videos, but I think specifically when it comes to Chromatica, not having storylines in the M/Vs does a disservice to the overall concept.

I guess my issue with these two music videos, but mostly Stupid Love, is that Gaga isn't fully utilizing her COIN. Like she's successful enough to the point where she has budgets for these videos and can go all out, but doesn't. She has the capacity for extremely high production value, but up until 911, the last video she did that had that level of extraness was G.U.Y. I miss the days when her music videos were an event. I still remember where I was and what I was doing the exact moment the Telephone video came out. That's impact.

Taylor Swift I think is somebody who really knows how to blow her budget on a video. Look What You Made Me Do may have been a terrible song, but I always thought the video was sickening.

Anyway, I have no notes on 911. She's a masterpiece. If there was a music video category at the Oscars, I'd be campaigning for it right now.

Issue #3: Any Other Girly Can Do This

The thing I always loved the most about Gaga's music was that nobody was doing it like her. Everything she put out always felt like it was distinctly hers and hers alone, it's unmistakable. Even in Joanne, despite that album being a major departure from what she normally did.

I know Joanne is a very polarizing album, even for Little Monsters, but personally I've always loved it. Joanne was an album that I always knew she would make and I thought was essential to her career and body of work. Despite her straying away from pop for a more earthy, grass roots sound, it still sounded very much like her music. Even from the first track, Diamond Heart, her DNA is all over that.

It's difficult to explain what exactly I mean when I say there's a certain signature "Gaga-ness" or that she has a very specific DNA injected into her songs. If you've been a fan of hers for a long time or followed her career, you probably understand what I'm referring to. It's the way she laughs maniacally in the beginning of ARTPOP on Aura, how she says "I don't speak German but I can if you like, OW!" and proceeds to recite broken German on Scheiße, how she invented the phrase "disco stick", literally the ENTIRETY of The Fame Monster.

These examples probably give you the gist of what I'm trying to convey. Gaga is fucking weird. She has always been fucking weird and I love that so much about her. And her brand of weirdness was so specific that if any of the other pop girls tried to do what she did, it would have been cringey as hell. To me, the most disappointing thing of all with this album was that this weirdness that was so uniquely hers was missing.

It's there in brief moments, in tracks like Sour Candy, 911 and Babylon, but most of the album doesn't really sound like her music. It sounds like songs that she wrote for other people, like her old unreleased stuff. OG Little Monsters probably remember songs like Second Time Around and No Way. These were leaked unreleased songs that Gaga had written for other artists, and even though they were absolute bops, they didn't sound like her. They weren't supposed to.

A similar feeling I had was when her song The Cure came out a few years ago. I genuinely thought that was something she wrote for someone else, cause even though it was a solid pop song, it absolutely had zero Gaga-ness and any current pop girl could sing it. This pretty much encapsulates how I feel about the majority of Chromatica.

I was gonna say it sounded like songs that were written for Ally, her Star is Born character, but I think even those pop songs from the soundtrack sounded more Gaga than Chromatica does. 💀 I can easily imagine Hair Body Face being on The Fame.

Final Thoughts

It's funny that the last review I had posted on here before this was my review of Kingdom Hearts III. The Kingdom Hearts game series is something that's very near and dear to my heart, and I waited a wholeass decade for the third game to come out. And then it did, and I was so disappointed.

So you know what happened after that? What helped me deal with my disappointment of that game was my anticipation for Chromatica, or at the time it was still called LG6. I had no idea I would feel the same exact way about this album the way I do about KH3. Now when I think of both of these things, I'm mostly frustrated by all of the potential and the missed opportunities, but I also look at them with a certain fondness. I had fun playing KH3, and I also had fun listening to Chromatica, despite both of them disappointing me overall.

In the beginning of this review I said that there were certain factors that have stopped me from idealizing Gaga too much. Firstly it's because I'm much older now, and secondly it's due to the sheer state of the world this past year. The pandemic really precipitated the fall of celebrity culture, and all of that made me really examine how putting someone on such a high pedestal can be damaging in the long run.

Gaga is a human being and I haven't agreed with everything she's done, particularly how she handled the whole R. Kelly situation back in 2013. And also the simple fact that she's a white woman, we know how a lot of the time they can't help but show their asses and are bound to disappoint us in some way. I'm forever grateful for her artistry and how she saved my life when I was a suicidal little eighth grader, but I'm also going to hold her accountable for any of her mistakes, and I'd be ready to stop supporting her entirely if anything she does ever goes too far.

Now I stan artists for fun. It's not healthy to idolize them to the point of revering them. I mean, I like to make jokes like that about Beyoncé, like "no way on Beyoncé's green earth", etc. But even she is just a person that we shouldn't deify for real.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Chromatica being a lackluster album and era ended up being a good thing, because it helped me grow out of idolizing celebrities too intensely. Chromatica was pretty much the best disappointment I've ever listened to.

If you've read all the way to the end, thank you! Writing this was very therapeutic but also stressful; this is a second draft cause Tumblr fucked up my first post. 😭

Anyway, SAWAYAMA & Ungodly Hour are albums of the year. Argue with the wall.

#album review #gaga #lady gaga #chromatica #pop music #review #music

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bodytoflame-ao3 · 5 years

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move with the tide

me? following a prompt without going on a 3k word tangent? unlikely! here’s very domestic fem!percabeth and a proposal :^)

Read on AO3

don't be lonely

i'm right here by your side

hold on to me

you won't drown you will survive

tide ..//.. bearings

The crisp summer night comes in through the window. There's still a few boxes to unpack, but most of their things are fully settled in.

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

“I still don’t know how I did it.” Percy somehow managed to graduate a year early, luckily New Rome was pretty accommodating with the whole “I spent practically half my life saving the world” thing. Don’t get it wrong: she still worked her ass off. It was all worth it though, since it let them end up here; a stupid tiny apartment in Lower Manhattan that was theirs (at least as long as they paid their rent).

For as much as she hated being away from Percy so much the past three years, it was good to spend some time as her own person. Especially with how protective they’d both become. That didn’t mean she didn’t miss her — quite the opposite. Being away from Percy manifested in the nightmares slipping into her subconscious as she slept; the panic of her heart skipping a beat whenever she saw a girl with short black hair.

College was also their first real fight. It was one thing that Annabeth applied to NYU, but being accepted (as if she wouldn’t be) made it that much more real. It wasn’t an easy decision at all, but it was the closest thing she had to a childhood dream and she’d be damned if she didn’t follow through with it.

While NYU wasn’t as understanding of “I need to visit my demigod girlfriend because we both have severe trauma from that time we went through the underworld”, Percy was able to sneak away from New Rome for a bit without too much trouble, every once in a while. They never went more than a month without seeing each other — that was Percy’s promise to her.

She wouldn’t lie, it was hard. Really, really hard. They talked most nights, and when Percy came to visit, sometimes they did little more than hold each other. But it was good for her: she was learning how to lead a somewhat normal life. She knew she would always be able to find her way back to Percy. And they always had summer.

“The important part is you’re here,” Annabeth sighs, exhausted, melting into the couch. Her legs hook over the armrest and she lies her head in Percy’s lap, who twists a curl around her finger, just as tired.

Percy’s hand finds hers, interlocking their fingers like second-nature. “I am.”

“You always have been.” A beat. “You were there for me when my family wasn’t.”

“I told you, we’d make our own family. And we did. All of us.”

If camp was a family, Percy was home.

“Yeah. I guess I’m just… I’m just glad it’s you that’s here with me now.” She squeezes Percy’s hand. She’s gotten a little closer to her relatives over the years. The past was past, and there was nothing the Chase family wanted more than some peace. Even so, she often had trouble reconciling the events of her childhood with her emotions about it.

“Hey,” Percy tucks away the lone curl that’s fallen into her face. “Together, okay?”

“Mhm,” she hums, guiding Percy’s hand to fall across her waist, “together.”

Percy’s about to speak up, and say they should get some rest after all that heavy lifting, when Annabeth, almost nonchalantly, asks, “Do you want kids?” She doesn’t even look up.

“I…” The question throws Percy for a loop.

She’s rambling: “Because I do. Like, a lot. Not a lot of kids. One. Or two. But I do want…” She trails off, hoping she hasn’t scared Percy.

“I didn’t think you did.” Her response is quiet. She clarifies, “Uh, yeah. I do, but do you mean like… when?” She hasn’t really thought about it, but the moment Annabeth asks her, and the idea plays out in her mind, she knows she'd like nothing more.

“Eventually?” Annabeth responds, a question asked just as the word escapes her throat. “I want a real house, not an apartment, and my degree, and a job, one that pays me more than minimum wage, and… I also think I have to marry you first.”

“Is that a proposal?” It doesn’t phase her. They’ve been dancing around it for a while, both waiting for the time to feel right.

“You wish. I’m gonna get you when you least expect it.” She reaches up and taps Percy’s nose.

“Not if I beat you to it.”

Percy’s smirk sets off something in her. “And I mean a proper proposal.” She sits up and swivels to face Percy, pointing a finger into her sternum; she means business. “With a ring, and some big romantic speech.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Annabeth sees the mischievous look in her eyes the instant before she takes off running into their room. There’s a clamor of drawers being slung open on their tracks, and the shuffling of papers falling to the ground.

“The f— where did I—?” It sounds like she’s tearing the bedside table apart. She barrels down the hallway once she finds what she’s looking forward to, sliding into the plush carpet in front of the couch.

Her knees burn, and her heart pounds. She takes Annabeth’s hand, shaking her head, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She didn’t expect this yet, but she can feel the adrenaline pumping through her body and she can’t stop now.

“Um. I can’t think of anyone else who’d put up with me for eternity.” She’s sitting on the floor. Shouldn’t she be on one knee or something? “We’re a team. Always have been. You are the toughest, smartest, most passionate person I know, and I admire everything you’ve become.” The words keep coming out. “Annabeth Chase, will you marry me?”

Annabeth’s voice stays low and quiet. “Percy, are you serious?” She’s afraid to move lest she breaks the spell that's keeping Percy looking into her eyes.

Percy shows her the ring in the palm of her hand, “Yeah, I… was waiting for the right moment and… you gave it to me.”

It’s classic — a simple gold band with a single, modest diamond in the middle — but undeniably beautiful.

“Holy shit.”

“So is that a…”

Annabeth leans down, grabbing her face and pulling her into a deep kiss. “Yes. Absolutely. Give me that ring, Seaweed Brain.” She lets Percy slide it onto her finger, admiring the way the stone shines back as the light from their lone lamp hits it. She laughs, “This doesn’t feel real.”

“Is this stupid?” Percy asks, dragging Annabeth off the couch and into her lap.

“We’ve done a lot of stupid things. This is most certainly not one of them.” She’s too engrossed in admiring the ring to even look up (or, less the ring itself, more what it signifies).

No one their age is getting married, not really. They’re all too focused on passing their classes. She really did want to marry Annabeth, but it nagged at the back of her mind. “But you don’t think we’re too young or—?”

She thinks back on the past few years. It isn’t like they’re exactly normal. That surely gives them the right to rush by traditional standards. “I think that stopped being relevant a long time ago.”

Annabeth’s right; it soothes her worries. “Good. Because I don’t want to wait.” She kisses Annabeth’s shoulder. She’d marry her tomorrow if she could.

“Do you know how excited your mom’s going to be?” Annabeth can’t even imagine what Sally’s reaction will be. She’s extremely in-tune to her daughter and— she probably already knows Percy was planning this, doesn’t she?

“Well, I told her I was thinking about… Yeah. She was thrilled.”

Of course. She should’ve seen it coming. That girl tells her mother everything. Poor Sally’s probably already heard enough of Percy’s troubles for several lifetimes. “What’s my mother going to think?” Annabeth laughs. So, your daughter is marrying the daughter of your sworn enemy! It sounds cheesy enough to be the setup to a 90's sitcom.

“I,” Percy starts, “I actually asked her for permission.” It was terrifying, but Annabeth doesn’t need to know that she almost cried right before she asked. “And she said if anyone deserved her daughter it was the girl who went through Tartarus for her.”

The words go right through to her heart. Both Percy’s, and her mother’s. “Oh. You really thought about this.”

It’s true. She’s been dreaming up the perfect proposal for months — which meant talking to Annabeth’s parents: her mom, her dad, even her stepmom; and talking to her own parents. It meant picking out the perfect ring and planning the perfect way to ask her, and practicing her speech in front of the mirror.

“I actually talked to your dad too.” Their relationship wasn’t perfect, nor would it ever be, but Percy thought he had the right to be asked for his only daughter’s hand.

It means a lot to her, the fact that Percy made the effort to talk to her father. It seems like a thing he would consider important — the whole traditional engagement deal (though they’re anything but) — and she’s trying to include him in her life. “Thank you.”

They’re still for a while, relishing in each other’s company. Percy tries to reconcile the past few minutes in her brain, but only comes up with her head spinning in a buzz. “I can’t believe I’m gonna marry you,” She murmurs against her neck.

“I thought of something.” Annabeth smiles, sidetracking the conversation for what she hopes is an amusing tangent.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe now you won’t have to angrily glare at as many boys. If they see this they might leave me alone.” She laughs, gesturing to the ring and thinking back on the times a very unlucky man dared to even glance her way, gods forbid try to buy her a drink or swing a sleazy arm around her shoulder.

“I don’t glare angri—”

Annabeth raises her eyebrows.

In her defense, there’s only so many _“hey, is your friend single”_s she can take, even after the word girlfriend’s been said at least once. It wasn’t her fault most men were imbeciles.

She tried to make it clear that Annabeth wasn’t just her ‘girlfriend’, for all the connotations of the word’s worth: A subtle trail traced up her spine; a hand in her pocket; an ironclad grip on her thigh, or one time, her butt (and she’s still not forgiven for how she made Annabeth blush); a swift motion pulling her onto her lap and into a kiss. And how could she forget the time she settled the score with one of Annabeth’s flirty classmates, spelling it out like she was talking to a child: “She’s my girlfriend. We are dating. Sometimes we even kiss.”

“So maybe I do.” Percy laughs.

People hit on Percy too (not at New Rome, no, they knew better), boys and girls — she’s reconciled with the fact that she gives off some kind of vibe (is it the haircut? it’s definitely the haircut). She‘s usually perfectly happy to let her actions show she’s spoken for; only rarely did Annabeth feel the need to intervene (and always, men, even though Percy joked she would be offended if they didn’t chase after her).

“You do what you have to,” she smiles. Annabeth was clingy too — it was hard not to be after everything — but not like that. It‘s in the way she looks at Percy with all the love the world could give, the trust in falling asleep on her shoulder in the library, the audacity to hold her hand every second she’s given the chance, and make people know she’s hers.

“And if they don’t take the hint?”

“Then you can tell them you’re my fiancée.” She emphasizes the new word, knowing it’ll drive Percy crazy. “I do think it says a lot more than ‘girlfriend’.”

Right. Girls had ‘girlfriends’, like guys had their ‘dudes’ and ‘bros’. Fiancée was decidedly unambiguous. “I like that idea.”

Annabeth stands up, grabbing Percy’s hands and pulling her to stand face to face. “You should call your mom. She’ll be upset if you wait until tomorrow to tell her.”

She’s absolutely right, and as they both predicted, she’s never been happier (perhaps even more so than her own wedding).

Once they finish talking to sally, Annabeth finds her way back into Percy’s arms, standing by the phone. Percy rests her head on Annabeth’s shoulder, her arms wrapped around her from behind. Annabeth doesn’t think she’s ever felt a peace quite like this in her entire life. There’s an inherent quiet against the bustling noise of the streets of Manhattan — it all fades into the sidelines for the sound of Percy’s breathing.

“I wish I could marry you right now.”

She turns to face her, Percy's arms still draped over her shoulders, and laughs, knowing she’ll hate the truth: “Weddings take planning. You’ve gotta give me at least a year.”

“So, next summer?”

“If you’re that desperate, yeah, sure, next summer,” she jokes, although she’d be hard-pressed to admit she feels the same. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume we’re having a beach wedding?”

“I was actually thinking,” she rolls a thumb across the bead on Annabeth’s necklace from the summer they met, “The lake. At camp?” We’ll be safe there, sticks in her mind, unspoken.

She can’t resist planting a kiss on Percy’s cheek. That’s pretty much her dream. “Keep going.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me more. You seem to have big plans.”

“The biggest. I learned from the best,” she smiles. “So… summer. Sunset. All of our friends are there. And our families. Your mom and my dad manage to set aside their differences for a few hours.”

She honestly couldn’t ask for anything better. “We have a giant chocolate cake.”

“With blue frosting.”

“Deal,” she obliges (who is she to say no?), “I’m wearing a gown… with flowers, and lace, all the way down to the floor and then some, and a deep neckline, so you’re staring at me all night, and—” She puts on a thinking face, ignoring Percy’s finger tracing a line down from her necklace. “Wait. Can we both wear a dress?”

“I don’t see why not?” Percy isn’t exactly one for formalwear; she rarely has the need to. The most she’s ever gotten dressed up in recent years was for her mom’s wedding — she wore a button up shirt with plain black pants and flats. While her closet’s split pretty evenly between men’s and women’s clothing, she can’t exactly see herself in a suit, and typical wedding dresses were so… much. But oh; can she imagine Annabeth in that dress. “I thought you hated dresses like that.”

She leans in close. “Oh, I think they’re gorgeous, I just hate it when boys stare. I love it when you do.”

Percy blushes; she should’ve seen that coming. “Ah.” She doesn’t think she’ll ever get over how much of a tease Annabeth can be.

“You‘re wearing a simple dress.”

“Good.”

“It’s plain, smooth satin, with a wide neck, and a low back, and don’t you dare say a word... You know I’m right.”

Percy isn’t the kind for such a stylized dress, but she imagines Annabeth’s hands on her former Achilles spot, pulling her into a kiss, and she’s instantly sold. Actually, scratch that, she’s pretty sure she’s going to lose her mind.

“Yeah,” Annabeth smirks, “I thought so.”

“I think my brain just short-circuited.”

She laughs. “So what’s next?”

“I graduate, and we get a plot of land in some stupid, nameless suburban town—”

“—And I draw up the plans and we build the damn house ourselves.” She quietly continues, “Then, maybe in a few years…”

Percy thinks for a bit. “I think I’d want to adopt. I mean if—” There’s no way in Hades she’d ever carry a child. The thought is terrifying and she’s almost positive Annabeth feels the same way. There’s too much to risk.

“—No. Yeah. I…” Annabeth is on the same page, for the most part, but there’s a little voice in the deepest part of her mind that yearns for little blonde curls or eyes like the ocean. A bold thought crosses her mind: she could ask Hera for the blessing of a child with parts of both of them. Stupid? Yes. She’d be crazy to say it didn’t intrigue her, though. She imagines muted green eyes, the sea cloaked in a storm, and it seems so right.

The rest of her thoughts are telling her she’d be insane to try to carry a child — what about monsters? What if she couldn’t protect them? Not many things scare her, but evidently, that‘s one of them. It sends her head into a tailspin. It’s a bridge she’ll have to cross when they get there, she supposes. For now… “The idea of giving a kid a family that loves them… a stable home that they wouldn’t otherwise have… that’s worth a lot.” She lets the silence hang over them for a minute, reflecting on where she thought she would be at this age. Dead, or worse. “I can’t say I know exactly what I want right now. All I hope is that I’m as good of a mom as Sally was to you. She clearly did something right.”

“You will.” Percy’s eyes light up, her voice so sure of the words she speaks. “And we’ll figure it out.”

She can’t resist cupping Percy’s face and pulling her into a deep kiss, holding onto her as if her life depends on it. Neither of them say a word — there’s no need. Everything they’re thinking has already been said before in a thousand different ways, and they both know it.

“Tell me more about our life, Annabeth.” Indulging this fantasy with her feels like a heavy, comforting warmth blanketing her soul.

“We have… two. A boy and girl. When they’re young, I tuck them in with bedtime stories of how a seaweed-brained hero saved the world.”

“What about the truth?” Percy cocks her head; shouldn’t they be aware of the chance of danger?

“When they’re old enough to keep it secret? Of course. And I want them to know they have biological parents somewhere out there. That’s important.”

Percy understands: she knows firsthand the importance of heritage. “Gods… this all just seems so…” she gestures vaguely.

“Domestic? It is.”

“I can’t believe you’ve turned me into a sap, Annabeth Chase.”

“Jackson-Chase,” she corrects. She could get used to that.

#prompt fill #ish #fic #~3k words #!#annabeth chase #pjo #fem!percy jackson #fem!percy #wlw percabeth #made

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fae-fucker · 7 years

Text

Zenith: Chapter 18-19

Chapter 18

We’re in Nor’s POV again, so prepare for edge. Though that can be said about literally every chapter in this book.

Nor is having a dream about how she’s being crushed by a small rock that feels like a bunch of very big rocks. And then she falls into an abyss (relatable), and into a big ol’ fire.

It’s very dramatic, and also? Symbolism.

Extremely symbolism.

She wakes up.

She was so cold. Her body, coated in sweat, was attracting the frigid recycled air that clung to her like a second skin.

How does one “attract” air? I know what they’re trying to say but like, at some point you just gotta stop trying to twist more meaning and drama out of every meaningless detail.

People say show don’t tell, but here, Shinsay follows up their telling with really dubious showing. Why do you do this? Just to pad the word count? More words doesn’t make you a better writer.

We’re introduced to Zahn, who is Nor’s bodyguard and also lover. They cuddle for a bit and Nor thinks about how nobody but Zahn is allowed to see her this vulnerable.

“I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think, Zahn.” She lifted her prosthetic hand to her face to wipe away the tears, then dropped it, disgusted by the sight of the gold metal, of the scars marring her upper wrist. Disgusted with herself for feeling so weak.

Ah. We’re doing this now, are we?

It’s okay though, because Zahn takes her fake, disgusting hand and kisses her tears away!

How sweet.

“You’re safe,” he said with a sigh. “I will always protect you, Nor.”

“I don’t need protecting,” she whispered.

I know this is supposed to be deep and not true, but she’s basically telling him, her bodyguard, that she only pays him to sleep with her.

To many people, Nor was the stone-cold ruler who haunted the nightmares of her foes. But to Zahn, she was just Nor. The love of his life, as he was hers.

Cool cool. The narrative then continues to talk about how they were there for each other when the war took their families and how he’s the only one who’s seen her at her weakest and bla bla bla.

This chapter is literally just a massive infodump about this new rando. You couldn’t have woven his existence into the narrative in a more elegant way, Shinsay?

“Don’t leave me,” Nor said, looking up into his eyes. Seeing the passion mirrored there.

“I would never dream of it,” he said.

Their lips touched, and his hands slid down her bare back, gentle at first. Then hungry for more as she let him lay her back down.

“I love you,” Zahn said. “My Nhatyla.”

The lingering fear from her nightmare trickled away as a very different sort of feeling took its place.

“A very different sort of feeling,” Shinsay?

Are you two grown women or twelve actual years old, combined? Why is this so coy? You can’t have both all these MATURE and EDGY characters who are all about TEH SECKS and VIOLENS while basically giggling like tweens whenever you make a reference to fucking.

If you don’t want to deal with the subject, why include it at all? This is YA, isn’t it? Teens can handle discussions and references to sex. You could probably even get away with sex scenes if you write them carefully and don’t make them too explicit.

If you wanted to be completely PG, why is everyone always making grody sex jokes? If you wanted them all to have amazing sex lives, why don’t you have them (and the narration) speak maturely and openly about the subject?

I do not understand the reasoning behind any of this.

Chapter 19

We’re back with Dex, who, if you recall, kissed Andi without her consent in chapter 17.

DEX HAD FORGOTTEN how fast Andi’s reflexes could be when she was mad.

Furious, actually, he thought, as he watched the shock on her face melt into a mask of pure, boiling rage.

The sentence above, my friends, is a perfect illustration of why I have such problems with purple prose and using a bunch of “pretty descriptions” that don’t mean jack shit just to show off how deep your writing is.

Allow me to be extremely nitpicky and go off on a tangent while I analyze this ... word vomit.

Melting happens when something gets warm enough to change state from solid to liquid, but without necessarily boiling. In writing, the word usually has positive connotations. ”Molten” metals are often used as eye colors for love interests, people “melt” when another person does something sweet or romantic for them, et cetera.

It makes people think of warmth, softness, pliability.

When Andi’s shock melts into “a mask of rage,” it implies that the rage is solidified, but also that it’s fake, because it’s only a mask. Then we’re told that it’s actually boiling still. The fact that her shock is “on” her face doesn’t help.

Now, I know what you’ll say: Eff, this isn’t literal! It’s all just a metaphor!

But metaphors have to make sense, and conflicting, confusing visuals and concepts do nothing but shine a spotlight on the author’s carelessness. They’ve picked these words because they have inherent meaning and they sound good and intense, but without understanding how to use that meaning to their advantage.

If Shinsay wanted to keep the “hot rage” angle, I’d suggest something like this:

Dex watched as the shock on Andi’s face boiled over into white-hot rage.

Jesus Christ, I’m only two sentences in.

Anywhoo, Andi beats Dex with a chair. I would’ve killed him on the spot but I’ll take what I can get.

Andi spat on the ground, then rubbed her lips with the back of her sleeve. For one moment, she looked purely Andi, angry as a wet feline and terrifyingly beautiful.

...

So uh. For future reference: Comparing to your badass, ruthles space pirate to a wet cat

is probably the dumbest fucking thing you can do.

I guess Dex is also impressed that Andi looks like Andi.

And here I thought standards couldn’t go any lower.

Maybe there’s a message of positivity in there? Dex loves you if you look like you, girls! Just be yourself, and also angry as a wet cat.

Then he saw the moment when Andi’s face changed. She transformed into someone else entirely; an actress playing the perfect part.

So you’re gonna describe to me how her shock melts into a mask of rage and how she looks angry like a wet cat, but you won’t tell me how Dex sees her slip into the role of an actress playing the perfect part? Something that would actually be quite interesting to witness?

Figures.

Andi starts acting like Dex cheated on her and Lira and Breck join in as the other women, which for some reason confuses Dex, the ultimate mastermind that he is. He catches on eventually as the other patrons start surrounding them in the hopes of a juicy fight.

Breck kicks him and he flies across the room, which is absolutely delightful and I love it. She kicked him into the table of the Lunamere guards (finally someone does something smart) and a fight with them breaks out.

Dex wasn’t the tallest man by Mirabel standards, but what he lacked in height, he made up in speed and agility—and above all, the desire to win.

And as we all know, people who lose always actually want to lose, and the guards he’s fighting against just don’t want to win enough!

Makes perfect sense.

He was all grace and glory as he spun and whirled, taking out Lunamere guards as they rushed forward in hopes of sinking their knives into his gut.

Don’t make me do a GLORY count. Blease.

We switch POV to Andi. This entire chapter/fight scene is for some reason broken up into chunks, even though it’s all the same one scene and at one point we don’t even switch POVs, but the scene break is still there?

Who edited this?

[The Lunamere guard] howled and dropped, and then she was off again, leaping over his fallen form, her hands itching to raise hell, draw blood and spread the glory of her name.

The Bloody Baroness was here.

She’d make sure every single one of them knew it.

THE GLORY OF HER NAME

Note how Andi seems to just love this. I guess when the narrative needs her to be ruthless and badass, she’s all about being the Bloody Baroness and loves to SPREAD HER GLORY, but when she’s angsting, it’s all about how much she hates murder and remembers every single person she’s killed.

Cheap, Shinsay. You’re cheap and so is your book.

Another POV skip. We’re back with Dex. It’s still the same scene, same fight.

The plan was in place. Everything was glorious, beautiful, blessed disarray.

GLORIOUS

Another scene break. We’re back with Andi. Holy shit, this is such a terrible, disconnected, patchy mess.

Dex was cornered with his back against the bar, fresh green blood oozing from a cut on his brow.

Proof that his blood is actually green, in case y’all didn’t believe me.

Idk what this means or if it will ever be explained, but whatever.

Every part of Andi’s soul told her to get the hell out of there before the Sparks went off. She could abandon the mission. Leave Valen Cortas in prison, with Dex beside him once the warden of Lunamere caught wind of this.

But as she stood back and watched the clock tick down, some tiny part of herself, some animal thing deep down, began to claw its way back up and out into the smoky pub light.

The Bloody Baroness never turned away from a fight.

See? Andi enjoys this, and willingly chooses it when she can do otherwise. So then why does Shinsay insist on making her all angsty and sad about the people she murders?

YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND FUCK IT TOO, SHINSAY.

With a sigh, she pushed herself forward, swinging her borrowed knives as if they were extensions of her body. Little pieces of heaven clutched in her hellraising fists.

With a sigh? Why is she acting like she doesn’t have a choice and this is a chore, like her mom told her to clean her room? Oh my god.

And yeah, I had to look at “little pieces of heaven clutched in her hellraising fists,” and now so do you.

Anyway, the “Sparks” (if they were explained, I didn’t pay attention) that Andi’s team set up around the bar go off and:

Then the whole world exploded around [Andi and Dex].

God, I wish they could die in the explosion.

#eff reads: zenith #book rants

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eakdoeseurope · 5 years

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From Bilbao to San Sebastian and back again

After Lisbon, it was time for Basque country. The Basque region is a semi-autonomous area in northern Spain and southern France, and it's fascinating, particularly to linguistic anthropologists like myself, for several reasons.

First, the Basque language, aka Euskara, is what linguists call a language isolate, meaning there are no known extant related languages. Basque isn't a Romance language; it isn't even an Indo-European language. It's completely different from any other existing language.

Second, and relatedly, the Basque ethnic group -- or what remains of it after the Spanish and French governments' historical attempts to eliminate it -- is the only indigenous culture on the Iberian peninsula, which is to say a culture that can trace its origins back to before Roman or Islamic conquest.

Thirdly, there's a long-standing Basque separatist movement, which is intertwined with language policies in fascinating ways.

Then there's a reason that Basque country is particularly interesting to me for wholly non-academic reasons: pintxos.

Pintxos (pronounced like "pinchos") are little bits of food, usually on a piece of bread, and in the Basque region it's extremely common for bars to have a wide variety of them laid out for you to choose from. You pick the ones you want, and then you eat them. There's usually a standard cost per pintxo (typically between 1 and 3 Euros).

Pintxos are the perfect eating-out food, as far as I'm concerned. You get to see exactly what the options are before you make your choices, you get to try multiple things at once, and you can modulate your portion sizes as you go! Also, they're cheap, and they frequently involve seafood and/or jamón. (They are not perfect for people who have food allergies, I recognize.)

Anyway, that little tangent about Basque culture aside, when I landed in Bilbao -- the major metropolitan center of Basque country -- I rented a car and drove out to San Sebastian, aka Donostia (in Euskara). The drive was a little stressful, since it was dark and rainy and I was traversing mountain roads and all of the signs were in multiple foreign languages, but I made it to my hotel, checked in, ran out for some quick pintxos (to save time I'll just have a pintxos collection post at the end of the trip), and crashed in my hotel room.

I woke up to this beautiful view out my window:

I drove around that traffic circle at least four times the previous night trying to find the entrance to the parking garage. I had no idea it was so pretty.

San Sebastian is a seaside resort town, and there's not a ton to do there other than eat and hang out on the beach. Since it was 50 degrees, and I hate the beach, there was even less to do. So I walked around and admired the scenery.

I went to the Tabakalera, which is a former tobacco factory that has been turned into a cultural center. I sat in the atrium and had a tea.

Then I checked out the exhibits they had on display. There was one that was photos of Gaudi buildings, and one that was about Basque industry and had a bunch of Basque-made objects, and one that was the sort of high-concept nonsense that I have no patience for. (I know, I said I like modern art, but I have my limits.) I also made my art purchase of the trip: this print by Gara Polo.

Then it was time to head back west to Bilbao, but on the way I stopped for some pintxos in Gernika and went to the Urdaibai Bird Center.

The Urdaibai Bird Center is... pretty much what it sounds like. The Basque region is an important stopping point on the migration routes of birds who travel between Northern Europe and Sub-Saharan Africa, and the Urdaibai center is built next to a large marsh where birds love to rest.

Although it is, of course, the dead of winter, there were still plenty of birds hanging out in the marsh, and there was an observatory with telescopes so that you could check them out up close. Here's a terrible photo I took through the telescope; in addition to the ducks, you can see spoonbills (white), cormorants (on the posts), and a gray heron (lower left).

When I'd had my fill of birdwatching, I finished the route back to Bilbao. The drive through Basque country was gorgeous, full of rugged, verdant hills, sprinkled with little resort towns and farming villages. I returned my car at the airport, and took the bus downtown, where I arrived just in time for a gorgeous sunset.

Checked into my hotel, went to the Alhondiga (another cultural center with art installations), had some more pintxos, went to bed.

And that brings me up to date! I'm about to set out on my first full day in Bilbao, which will include the Guggenheim (that explosion of metal in the first sunset photo).

#bilbao #san sebastian #donostia #basque

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neuxue · 7 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 13

Gawyn is, as usual, frustrating, but does actually make a decision. Also there are Aragorn gifs and a few random tangents.

Chapter 13: An Offer and a Departure

‘Departure’ in the title of a Gawyn chapter seems at least moderately promising. Maybe he’ll finally get his shit together and get out of this godforsaken town.

…I have higher hopes for the latter than the former.

Two sparring opponents? You’re going to have to step it up, Gawyn; I hear the Dragon Reborn can take on five.

Could, anyway. Might be a bit more challenging singlehanded.

Though he can also take on a good-sized army, if he’s carrying the right not-a-sword, so there’s that.

Hattori had been quite pleased when her Warder had finally arrived at Dorlan; she’d lost him at Dumai’s Wells, and his story was the sort gleemen and bards sang about. Sleete had lain wounded for hours before deliriously managing to grab his horse’s reins and pull himself into the saddle. It had loyally carried him, near unconsious, for hours before arriving at a nearby village.

So…

The rest of his story fully embraces the cliché – and by ‘embraces’ I mean ‘makes sloppy but passionate love to’ – because I think all the Warders have a secret competition going to out-do Lan’s story. This, of course, is the real reason Lan decided to ride for Tarwin’s Gap.

It was the marrow of stories and legends – at least, among regular, lesser men. For a Warder, Sleete’s story was almost commonplace. Men like him attracted legends as ordinary men attracted fleas. […] Surviving against the odds, riding in delirium over miles of rough terrain, cutting down an entire band of thieves with wounds not fully healed –

Gaining a name amongst the Aiel, riding to avenge or resurrect a fallen nation…

–these were just the sorts of things you did when you were a Warder.

And then there’s Birgitte. Also Rand, technically speaking.

While Aes Sedai manipulated the world and monsters like al’Thor got the glory, men like Sleete quietly did the work of heroes, each and every day. Without glory or recognition.

Well, except that al’Thor the monster is giving everything he has and tearing himself apart to save a world that hates and fears him. So I would say that qualifies, in its own way, as ‘without recognition’. Of course, Gawyn doesn’t recognise this, which makes the whole thing spectacularly ironic.

And ‘glory’? You saw Rand at Dumai’s Wells, Gawyn. You saw him tortured. Did that look like glory?

It’s not surprising, though, that this idea of unrecognised heroics is what Gawyn’s thoughts are drawn to. After all, he was raised in the shadow of a golden older brother and a sister destined for a crown, and taught that his life is merely a shield for hers. He was meant to be the unsung hero – and now even that seems lost to him.

So I think he idolises the Warders in part because he sees in them what he has always felt he is supposed to be.

Except he sees an idealised version, and holding yourself to impossible standards always ends well. Especially if it coincides with the world falling apart.

The actual swordfighting scene is less enthralling than some. It’s probably a combination of the fact that it’s a relatively low-stakes spar, and also it involves characters I’m not all that invested in.

Gawyn wins. Sleet and Marlesh are surprised. I halfheartedly applaud, once. In my head.

Sleete carried a heron-mark blade and was near-legendary in the White Tower for his prowess. He was said to have bested even Lan Mandragoran twice out of seven bouts

One: I love how Lan is used by pretty much everyone as the standard of excellence. Kind of like how it was mentioned a while back that everyone says their city was even more beautiful than Tar Valon, thus cementing Tar Valon’s actual superiority in that regard.

And two: if you’re trying to convince me that Gawyn is now a better swordsman than Lan Mandragoran, I call bullshit.

back when Mandragoran had been known to spar with other Warders.

This is perfect.

Really, I’m sitting here laughing at just…everything about that phrase, including the way it’s tossed in almost as an afterthought. Back when Lan used to spar with mere enhanced badass mortals. Beautiful.

So there are two possible ways this came about. Either the other Warders decided to stop inviting him to practice – because there’s sparring against a more skilled opponent in order to improve, and then there’s sparring against Lan Mandragoran for the sole purpose of destroying your own ego – or Lan himself decided that there was just no point. Probably the latter, but some of the other Warders were probably relieved.

Meanwhile Lan’s riding off to the Blight to finally find himself a challenge. I mean, really. What does a guy have to do around here to get a proper workout?

(Though he did spar with Narishma. And Rand, obviously. So maybe he makes an exception for sad boys who came into too much power far too quickly and without enough certainty).

Anyway, I’m still laughing at everything about this.

All Gawyn had ever wanted was to protect Elayne. He wanted to defend Andor. Maybe learn to be a little more like Galad.

Why couldn’t life be as simple as a sword match? Opponents clear and arranged before you. The prize obvious: survival.

Well, there’s Gawyn for you.

This really does make up the core of a lot of his problems, though. He was raised with a strong but fairly simple mandate: protect Elayne, and protect Andor. But then what do you do when Elayne is missing, or when Andor’s queen is missing presumed dead? (If you’re Galad, you start a war to help Elayne and then go kill the Lord Captain Commander of the Whitecloaks to avenge the queen, but that’s somewhat beside the point).

Added to that is Gawyn’s constant feeling of not being quite good enough. So when everything goes to shit and there isn’t a clear path that involves ‘protect Elayne’ or ‘defend Andor’, he..wants or even needs to act, but almost doesn’t trust himself to know what to do. And then it’s not as simple as he thought it would be, or wants it to be, and he really doesn’t know what to do, because this is not how his story was supposed to go. And then he ends up caught in these situations where he’s tangled up in greater powers, in over his head, competent in his assigned role but not quite confident enough to leave it.

Also perhaps the ‘opponents clear and arranged before you’ is part of why he can’t look at Rand as anything but his enemy. He wants these certainties, wants things to be simple and clear-cut, and so he subconsciously could end up focusing on and believing the negative things he hears about the Dragon Reborn, because that is far simpler and easier to wrap his mind around than the alternative.

But in general, this is not a good time for wanting things to be simple and clear-cut and nicely laid out like a storybook hero’s plot. Sorry, Gawyn. You’re shit out of luck there.

Having just said that…it’s as if he wants his life to be – or thinks his life to be – something like Sleete’s story from a few pages ago. He idolises and idealises that, and when it isn’t like that for him, he thinks he’s failed somehow, and also doesn’t really know how to deal with everything when it doesn’t follow that kind of familiar pattern.

“You are remarkable, Gawyn Trakand. Like a creature of light, colour and shadow when you move. I feel like a babe holding a stick when I face you.”

I did try not to roll my eyes.

Okay, I confess, I didn’t try very hard.

I think that, weirdly, I almost have less patience for Gawyn when he’s being presented as a badass than when he’s trying to be one because he’s expected to be. Which is odd, because that is not how it normally works for me.

Or maybe it’s just that my patience for Gawyn has worn a bit thin recently in general; I still find him an interesting character in terms of how his arc has been constructed, but he’s been stuck in the same place for a while now. He also, by virtue of no longer being just in the prologues and maybe the occasional chapter, is narratively surrounded by characters who are getting a lot more done, literally and figuratively, so that also may have something to do with it.

I still can’t stand the word ‘Younglings’. I blame Star Wars, maybe.

Except no, I definitely disliked it even before that. You know how some people feel about the word ‘moist’? That’s how I feel about ‘younglings’. It’s a thing, and it bothers me every single time. I vote Gawyn kills them all.

It’s like when an otherwise really cool character just has the worst name and it detracts from their coolness even if you don’t want it to. I genuinely think this is a major part of the reason I never liked The Hobbit as much as I probably should have. Bilbo. I just can’t. I know, I know, it’s the stupidest thing to get hung up on, but there you have it. (Of course, when I was younger I went the exact opposite direction, and gave all my fictional characters the most ridiculously overwrought names, thinking they were awesome and beautiful when in fact they were incredibly cringeworthy. So what can you do).

Anyway, back to Gawyn.

Marlesh thinks he should be a blademaster, Gawyn’s like ‘oh no I couldn’t possiby’, and Marlesh confirms that by killing his teacher, Gawyn does in fact get to claim that title. So, you know, perks.

Gawyn had rarely seen an Aes Sedai and Warder with as casual a relationship as those two.

This strikes me as odd. I guess it depends what is meant by ‘casual’ here, but they come across as having a kind of lighthearted friends/siblings sort of relationship, which doesn’t seem like it should be that far from ordinary. It does sometimes seem as if there’s a slight discrepancy between how Aes Sedai-Warder relationships or dynamics are described in a general sense, and how they’re shown in a specific sense. But maybe that’s simply a result of the specific characters we’re following.

“Those two remind me of nothing so much as a brother and sister at times.”

Okay, yeah, I really don’t see why that should come across as uncommon. If romantic relationships between an Aes Sedai and Warder are uncommon – as is said to be the case – then surely a sibling or close friend dynamic would be well within the norm.

As Sanderson’s characters would say, bah.

“Hattori only has one Warder,” [Sleete] said in his gravelly, soft voice. Gawyn nodded. “That’s not unheard-of for a Green.”

“It isn’t because she isn’t open to having more,” Sleete said. “Years ago, when she bonded me, she said that she would only take another if I judged him worthy. She asked me to search. She doesn’t think much on these kinds of things. Too busy with other matters.”

All right, Gawyn thought, wondering why he was being told this.

Gawyn. Come on. Really? You have to be quicker on the uptake than this.

Sleete turned, meeting Gawyn’s eyes. “It’s been over ten years, but I’ve found someone worthy. She will bond you this hour, if you wish it.”

Huh. So…okay. That’s a thing.

It’s high praise, certainly. I like Sleete; he seems very no-nonsense and unobtrusively skilled, and this comes across as an offer given not because of who Gawyn is or who he is related to, but because Sleete thinks he’s genuinely worthy of it. Not just for his prowess with a sword, but because he does clearly have a sense of honour and duty, even if he doesn’t always know the best way to put that to use.

All in all, becoming Warder to a side-character Aes Sedai, while it’s never going to happen, would probably not be a bad thing for Gawyn. It would give him focus and purpose and direction, and being bonded by an Aes Sedai who already has a Warder would give him a mentor figure, which is something he rather desperately needs right now, I think. I wonder if Sleete has seen that in him, too. Ah well, doesn’t much matter, because there’s only one answer Gawyn’s giving to that.

(After all, when has Gawyn ever chosen to do something that might actually be good for him?)

“I’m honoured, Sleete,” Gawyn said. “But I came to the White Tower to study because of Andoran traditions, not because I was going to be a Warder. My place is beside my sister.” And if anyone is going to bond me, it will be Egwene.

…no cognitive dissonance there, of course. It’s going to be rather difficult to be beside your sister and also bonded by Egwene. It would actually make some sort of sense for Gawyn to be bonded by Elayne, but honestly that’s a bond-tangle he really does not need to be a part of, and Elayne is doing none too poorly for Warders as is.

Also, Gawyn, take a look around and notice how you are neither beside your sister nor bonded by Elayne, and then please take a moment to consider why that is, and then get the fuck out of here already.

“You came for those reasons,” Sleete said, “but those reasons have passed.”

That’s…a very good point, especially in a broader sense. What Gawyn thought he was supposed to do, and the way he thought things were going to be, is…not how things have turned out. And that’s something Gawyn hasn’t been able to accept or understand. He had one path he was focused on, and then it blew up and he’s been sort of left wandering the other paths with no roadmap and a broken compass.

“What do you think of what happened in the Tower, Sleete?”

He’s looking for answers, and trying to figure things out; he knows he’s lost and uncertain and caught in a place he doesn’t really want to be. It’s just that there are no good answers, really. It’s good that he’s asking, but eventually it is going to come down to the same thing it did before: he’s going to have to make his own choice.

As Lan said, “You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.”

Gawyn is actually not bad at the second part. His problem is with the first part; he’s working with incomplete information, and most likely he always will be, and some of what he ‘knows’ is wrong. And he…sort of knows that but also doesn’t always understand it, or take it into account when he acts.

“Just keep your head down,” Sleete said. “There are hot tempers in the Tower, but there are wise minds as well. They’ll do the right thing.”

Hm. Not completely sure that’s the best advice or attitude there, actually. I mean…on the one hand sure, don’t make it worse, and trust in those who are working to solve it. But also…maybe try to help them? Rather than just standing aside and letting other people do the hard work, and just expecting that someone will? And that you don’t have to do anything yourself, and it’ll all just be fine?

There’s a time and a place for neutrality, sure, and if your interest is in staying alive and getting on with the smaller things, then…okay. But this is a point when people actually need to do something. Egwene can only do so much of it by herself. And this isn’t something that the ‘neutral’ Aes Sedai can actually claim isn’t their problem. It is, because it affects all of them. They can’t just ignore that the Tower is broken, and trying to claim the moral high ground for not taking part in the conflict – by ignoring it and trying to pretend it doesn’t exist, but never making the difficult choice – is absurd. Sleete’s not quite doing that, but still.

Then again, it really isn’t Gawyn’s conflict to get involved in, so maybe Sleete has a point there. Gawyn needs to get out of the whole thing, because he can’t have it both ways: he told Sleete he just came to the Tower for Andoran tradition, but now he’s embroiled in the Tower’s division. Choose, Gawyn.

“Hattori got out,” Sleete continued softly. “Went on this mission to al’Thor, never knowing the depth of what it was about. She just didn’t want to be in the Tower. Wise woman.”

Except…wise? Really? She didn’t know what she was getting herself into, but she went anyway because she wanted to be away from the Tower – and so now she can wash her hands of it and also of what they did to Rand? That’s…not how responsibility works.

I’m all for taking the pragmatic approach, but own up to it.

“Hammar was a good man.”

“He was,” Gawyn said, feeling a twist in his stomach.

“But he would have killed you,” Sleete said. “Killed you cleanly and quickly. He was the one on the offensive, not you. He understood why you did what you did. Nobody made any good decisions that day. There weren’t any good decisions to be made.”

Well that last bit is certainly true, at any rate.

Still, there’s something about Sleete’s tendency to absolve everyone of responsibility that doesn’t quite work for me. I see where he’s going with it here, and I don’t entirely disagree, but…enh. That said, it is pretty much exactly what Gawyn needs to hear, and he beats himself up over enough already, so there’s that.

“She needed to get news to the Greens of what had happened at Dumai’s Wells, of what the Amyrlin’s true orders with al’Thor had entailed. I needed to survive. We did our duty. But once that message had been sent, if she hadn’t felt me approaching on my own, she would have come for me. No matter what. And we both know it.”

Some pointed parting words there, though of course Gawyn doesn’t quite get it. Leave, Gawyn.

The offer had been tempting for a heartbeat, but only as a way of escaping his problems.

Points for self awareness.

(He has so many problems)

Why couldn’t Egwene see that the man she’d grown up with had turned into a monster, twisted by the One Power?

Actually, Gawyn, Egwene was thinking just last chapter about how there was little left of the boy she grew up with. How she and Rand – or rather, the Dragon Reborn – had both changed to the point where they feel they don’t really know each other anymore.

But he’s not a monster, and that much I think she still knows, however else she may think of him. There is that much left of ‘Rand’ in her thoughts. And that’s going to be key in whatever is to come; another Amyrlin may well agree with Gawyn. Egwene, though, might have enough lingering love and trust for Rand to let him do what needs to be done, and to perhaps relinquish an attempt at controlling him.

He didn’t trust Aes Sedai. His mother had, and look where that had gotten her.

How does trusting Aes Sedai have anything to do with where Morgase ended up? Her problem was more with trusting one of the Forsaken, and it wasn’t like she was given a whole lot of choice in that matter.

Gawyn decides it’s a good idea to just walk into a meeting of Aes Sedai. Because yeah, that’s definitely going to work well, and get you access to all the information you could possibly want, Gawyn. Sure. You just go right ahead.

He shouldn’t have to eavesdrop.

The problem is, Gawyn, sometimes the way things should be isn’t the way they are, and sometimes you just have to…accept that. And find a way to work with it. And pick your battles.

So Gawyn gets sent away. What a surprise. Really, colour me shocked.

Aes Sedai. Sensible men stayed away from them when possible, and obeyed them with alacrity when staying away was impossible. Gawyn had trouble doing either; his bloodline prevented staying away, his pride interfered with obeying them.

Again, points for self-awareness. Though Gawyn has always been more or less cognizant of his problems. It’s in doing something to actually solve them, and making the hard choices, that he sometimes gets into trouble. He sees himself as being caught in an impossible tangle – and in fairness, he is in a mess of a situation that in many ways is over his head – but doesn’t believe that he can free himself from it. Because he sees all his options as distasteful or impossible in some way, and so he always comes close to a decision point but then turns back, and accepts the status quo. Even as he hates it.

No, he’d supported [Elaida] because he’d disliked Siuan’s treatment of his sister and Egwene.

But would Elaida have treated the girls any better? Would any of them have? Gawyn had made his decision in a moment of passion; it hadn’t been the coolheaded act of loyalty that his men assumed.

Where was his loyalty, then?

It’s not the first time he’s asked himself this – he’s been struggling with it pretty much since the schism itself. Because he doesn’t have all the information, and he doesn’t know the answers, and he’s trying to do the right thing but in the moment and even after, it’s hard to know what that is, especially when it’s so hard to find out what’s really happening, and what really happened.

But he needs to keep asking himself, and he needs to decide. Loyalty, law, a bond to the Tower…they’re all excuses at this point, more than anything else. And I think he knows it. He just…doesn’t know what to do instead. Or is afraid to think of it, because that’s not an easy question or an easy choice, and he’s perhaps even more afraid now of making the wrong one.

Oh for FUCK’S SAKE.

Of COURSE Gawyn overhears the Aes Sedai talking about how the rebels have set up their own Amyrlin. I’m sure he’ll get the full story with all the context and up-to-date information on what Egwene’s role actually turned out to be and—

Yeah, no, I can’t even say that with a straight face.

Also Katerine knows Travelling. Yay. Wonderful.

“But at least she was captured,” Narenwin noted, pausing at the doorway as Covarla passed through.

Katerine laughed sharply. “Captured and made to howl half the day. I wouldn’t want to be that al’Vere girl right now. Of course, it’s no less than she deserves for letting them put the Amyrlin’s shawl on her shoulders.”

Someone please cover Gawyn’s ears, because there’s absolutely no way he’s going to do anything but misinterpret this. Or rather, interpret it exactly as Katerine delivers it, without context or a healthy dose of skepticism.

He’d heard rumours that the rebels had their own Hall and Amyrlin…but Egwene? It was ridiculous! She was only Accepted!

But who better to set up for a potential fall? Perhaps none of the sisters had been willing to put their necks on the line by taking the title. A younger woman like Egwene would have made a perfect pawn.

So much faith you have in her, Gawyn.

But to be fair, that is exactly what they intended, when they raised her. It’s the logical conclusion, and it’s a part of why Egwene was able to take power in the first place; they simply didn’t see it coming, and didn’t think to put much effort into preventing it, and by the time they realised the truth, she had already run rings around them.

So of course Gawyn is going to do exactly what Mat did upon finding out, and immediately assume that he has to go rescue her. Sigh.

Egwene was in trouble. He blinked deliberately, standing in the square, cattle calling distantly, water bubbling in the canal beside him.

Egwene would be executed.

Where is your loyalty, Gawyn Trakand?

I just…can’t work up much enthusiasm for what appears to be an actual turning point and a decision, finally. Because the impetus for it is so…meh. He’s supposed to be a hero, so he has to go play white knight to a damsel in distress, right?

I don’t think my irritation – or apathy, more accurately – is aimed at the way this is written; it’s more an issue with Gawyn himself. That he takes what Katerine says on face value, because it plays into his… idea of how things work, or should work, or whatever. Egwene’s in trouble, so of course Egwene is in trouble, and of course he can rescue her, but she can’t rescue herself. Blah.

So it is nice to see Gawyn finally decide. He’s been moving towards this for a while but hasn’t been able to take that last step, and he has felt this conflict of loyalties, and uncertainty, and now he is finally choosing.

The way he’s making that decision irks me somwhat, though. Ah well. Can’t deny it’s in character.

Well, he’s made a decision and he’s certainly not wavering on it now. Bags packed and straight to his horse within minutes. Almost makes up for what – months? – of uncertainty and hesitation. Almost makes up for the fact that he hasn’t really taken time to think about what Katerine said, and her motivations for saying it, and whether or not it’s the whole truth, and…ah, whatever. He’s finally getting out of this clusterfuck – even if he is very likely headed right into another one – and I can definitely support that, at least. Maybe along the way he will learn some things. He tries, and his heart is in the right place. He just has some…annoying notions.

Sleete continued to watch from the shadow of a massive pine as Gawyn put the saddle on Challenge’s back. The Warder knew. Gawyn’s act had fooled everyone else, but he could sense that it wouldn’t work on this man. Light! Was he going to have to kill another man he respected?

You’re assuming you could kill him, Gawyn. As Lan so aptly demonstrated in New Spring, winning in sparring does not necessarily mean winning in a real fight. But Sleete isn’t here to fight Gawyn. He practically told him to leave, after all. To go do what he needed to do.

Burn you, Elaida! Burn you, Siuan Sanche, and your entire Tower! Stop using people. Stop using me!

Ah, Gawyn. He has been caught for so long between forces far larger than himself, caught up by events that threw him around before he could really get his bearings. Sure, some of it is on him, but some of it is just…he was young and sheltered and thought he knew his task, and then everything exploded and he couldn’t figure out who or what or why, and he’s been trying, but this…isn’t his story. He’s caught in the swirl of a far larger story, used and pushed and pulled.

“Then why let me go?” Gawyn said, rounding the gelding and taking the reins. He met those shadowed eyes and thought he caught the faintest hint of a smile on the lips beneath them.

“Perhaps I just like to see men care,” Sleete said. “Perhaps I hope you’ll find a way to help end this. Perhaps I am feeling lazy and sore with a bruised spirit from so many defeats. May you find what you seek, young Trakand.”

Okay, I do like him. Those are good parting words.

There was only one place he could think to go for help in rescuing Egwene.

OH. IS HE—IS HE GOING TO GARETH BRYNE? PLEASE TELL ME HE IS GOING TO GARETH BRYNE. For one, that way Bryne can sit him down for A Talk. And also can maybe help him. Because honestly, Gawyn needs a mentor. And a friend. And maybe someone to just…actually tell him things, for once, and see that he’s angry and sad and lost, and help him.

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#ah gawyn you do try my patience at times #but you also try; so I'll give you that #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

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