#went for a run and then went swimming and then cooked pasta and painted my nails and washed my sheets

[yourworldiseternallycomplete]

getting undepressed 😬👍

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 5 - Cross Your Heart [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Lying is supposed to be easy for spies.

Series Masterlist

You were beginning to think undercover operations were some sort of punishments given to agents, because lying was one thing, but creating a whole life around that lie was another.

Not only were your knives replaced by a bunch of paintings on the wall, you now had some photos in frames; old photos of people you didn’t know, people who were supposed to be your “cover” family.

You’d still prefer to have your knives on the walls though.

“You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to be on my side!” you pressed the phone between your shoulder and your ear, and heard Chloe’s laugh.

“I am on your side, I just can’t do anything about your uniform.”

You plopped down on the couch, setting your heels down on the floor.

“Bucky might be from 1940s, but he knows that it’s the 21st century now,” you said, putting the heels on, “No reason to make me dress like a….weird pin up waitress.”

“It’s a part of your mission,” she reminded you, “What, you can kill a target with a wine glass but a pin up costume is where you draw the line?”

You clicked your tongue, “Anyone can kill someone with a wine glass. It’s not that hard.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Babe it’s not rocket science, you just break the bowl part, then use the stem to stab them in the—“ you got distracted when you opened the kitchen cabinet, “I’m sorry, why do I have so many kitchen supplies?”

She held her breath in excitement, “Do you like them?”

“I don’t know what to do with most of them.”

“Cover Y/N likes cooking!”

“And the real Y/N can’t stand her,” you deadpanned, making her stifle a laugh.

“So he hasn’t texted you yet?”

“Barnes?” you asked, “Not yet. Why?”

“Well, I took the liberty of taking a look at his messages the other day.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me,” you said, “He’s seeing someone else?”

“No no, not at all,” she said, “He’s totally single, and probably ready to mingle. With you, that is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He and Wilson were talking about you the other day. Well, more like Wilson was telling him to get his shit together and ask you out.”

“I don’t think he’s the type to ask someone out via text,” you said, “I think he will come to the shop one of these days.”

“Why?”

“He looked sort of….” You searched for the word in your mind, “Uh-clueless?”

“Clueless?”

“Yeah, you know how assassins usually flirt,” you ignored her noise of disagreement, “He wasn’t like that.”

“You really need to focus on the personal details of his file.”

You scowled, “What is that supposed to mean?” you asked, “I know his favorite weapons, what knives he—”

“Personal file,” she repeated, “You know there’s more to people than their weapons of choice right?”

“I might have to engage in combat if I’m ever compromised, and do you know how many people walked away alive after engaging in combat with the Winter Soldier in all these decades?” you asked, “Three. Three people; Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, and they are legends. I might be good, but I’m not that good.”

“Just memorizing his arsenal can’t help you in this mission,” she said, “Did you know that he hasn’t exactly dated since becoming the Winter Soldier? His ex Connie ended up having 3 kids and a long career at the post office—“

“What am I supposed to do Chloe, stalk grandma’s Instagram?”

“No, she passed away 5 years ago.”

“Of course she did,” you mumbled, “Listen, I don’t have time for this. I’m already knee deep in my own cover, I can’t get into Barnes’s past when it’ll give me no advantage in the mission.”

“Y/N-“

“Trust me,” you cut her off, looking in the mirror to fix your uniform, “I have everything under control.”

                                              ***

You had maybe like one thing under control and that was the milkshake you were currently pouring into a mason jar. After a crash course in different recipes yesterday, you barely needed any help from your coworkers and seeing that the shop wasn’t very crowded, you didn’t have to rush.

And now you knew how to make three things; pasta, eggs and milkshakes.

If Keith were here, he would’ve said those were 3 main food groups.

“Tara, we’re running low on maraschino cherries,” you said as you shook the can and your new coworker turned to you.

“Oh that’s okay, there’s another jar are under the counter.”

You put the cherry over the whipped cream, and handed the jar to her. “There you go.”

“Another week of working here and you will come up with your own recipes,” she said, “Tell me the truth, are you like a spy sent by a rival company?”

You stared at her, then forced a laugh.

“I wish,” you said, “Maybe I’d be paid more.”

“Good point,” she said and walked to give the milkshake to the customer while you put the empty jar aside, then went under the counter to search for a new jar.

“Strawberries….” You read the labels out loud as you heard the wind bells chime by the door, “Figs, berries—cherries!”

You reached out to grab the jar and stood up but as soon as you did, you caught the sight of the figure by the door and held your breath, the jar slipping from your grip before you caught it mid-air.

“Bucky.” You breathed out, before you remembered to plaster a smile on your face.

Naïve, soft hearted civilian.

He stole a look around as if he expected someone to attack him at any seconds in a milkshake shop before he stepped closer to the counter you were standing behind.

“Hi.”

“Hi-hi there!” you said, putting the jar down, “You came!”

“You sound surprised,” he smiled and you shrugged your shoulders, shooting him a mischievous look,

“Better late than never, I suppose.”

He hissed in a breath, “Ouch, was it that late?”

“Just a little,” you said “So what can I get you?”

He looked up at the board over the wall, “What are my options?”

“Well, we have Unicorn Cotton Candy, Pumpkin Spice Latte, Candy Cane Passion, Lavender Macaron—“ you stopped talking when you saw the clueless look on his face and cleared your throat, “Or hey, maybe chocolate? We have chocolate milkshake.”

“Chocolate sounds good.”

“Coming right up.” You took a mason jar from the shelf to get to it and he grabbed his wallet, making you raise your brows.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Oh come on—”

“I’m going to make you an overly complicated milkshake if you try to pay for this,” you warned him, shaking the can before putting whipped cream on top of the milkshake, “It’s on the house, I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said quickly, making you point at him with the straw.

“Either way, I’m warning you. I’m armed and dangerous.”

“Consider me intimidated,” he said with a grin as he put the cash into the tip jar and you narrowed your eyes.

“Bucky.”

“Well technically, tip doesn’t count.”

“I wonder where I heard that before,” you muttered under your breath while he walked to pull himself a seat.

“Hm?”

“Nothing,” you said, reminding yourself that your cover probably wouldn’t make dirty jokes and went to place the milkshake in front of him.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” You waved a dismissive hand and rested your elbows on the counter, leaning in slightly.

He was gentleman enough to not check out your cleavage, instead kept his gaze on your face, making you suppress a smile.

“You were right,” Bucky said, his eyes darting around the café after a couple of seconds, “About how this place looked. It is creepily accurate.”

“Really?”

“I mean we didn’t have a neon flowers corner, but…” he trailed off, “Yeah. Yeah, I would say so.”

“Is that why you look like you expect someone to jump out of shadows and attack you?” you asked and his head shot up before he scrunched up his face.

“That obvious?”

“Not that I have lots of experience but so far none of the customers looked this uncomfortable while drinking a milkshake,” you said, “Is it because deep down you actually wanted to try Unicorn Cotton Candy?”

“Oh no, I’m good with classics,” He held up his milkshake, “No I just think that I’m a bit….uh, rusty.”

“Rusty,” you repeated, “On what?”

“On this.”

You batted your lashes, looking up at him and you could almost feel him being lured in.

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow,” you said softly after a beat and he gulped, taking a deep breath.

“It’s just that you’re—“ he cleared his throat, “You’re very beautiful and it’s been decades since I last asked someone out for a date.”

Winter Soldier, credited with over 100 assassinations, you reminded yourself Don’t lower your guard, it’s just a cover.

Don’t believe in your own cover.

You bit down a smile, tilting your head.

“Well, I didn’t think you were rusty,” you said and he raised his brows.

“You didn’t?”

“Not at all,” you said, “For the record, I’m definitely going to say yes.”

“Are you?”

“Absolutely,” you grinned, “Once you actually ask me, that is. With words, not an implication.”

His smile was almost playful, “With words, huh?”

“I’m old fashioned like that,” you taunted him, “Let’s see how we can make it less awkward for you though. Would you feel more comfortable to ask me out if you knew some weird stuff about me?”  

“You know, that would help a lot actually.”

You tapped your fingernails on the counter, looking up at the ceiling, pretending to be in deep thought. Your superiors had always said the best cover stories were somehow based on real life without revealing your identity, so you figured telling him random things about you wouldn’t hurt or put the mission in danger.

“Well, I really like grapes but I don’t like the skin, so I end up peeling every grape I eat, one by one,” you counted with your fingers, “I watched a documentary once and now I can’t swim in any lakes because I keep thinking I’ll get attacked by that weird flesh eating bacteria. When I was sixteen, I was the president of the chess club but I had a boyfriend who didn’t believe in the moon landing—”

“I heard about the moon landing!” he said quickly, “I didn’t get around to watch it yet though.”

“Oh my God, you should.”

“What else?”

“I’m scared of peacocks,” you confessed, “I know everyone says they’re beautiful but they look like they’re waiting for the right time to attack you.”

He looked like he was fighting with himself not to laugh and he pressed his metal fist on his lips, his whole attention on you.

“You can’t laugh!” you exclaimed and he shook his head, trying to look as serious as possible.

“I’m not!” he managed to hide his chuckle with a cough, “Keep going, this is very helpful.”

You heaved a sigh. “Well, do you want to hear the most embarrassing one?”

“Absolutely.”

“I normally keep my phone on mute 24/7 but since last week it’s been on full volume because I was terrified I’d miss something important.”

The amused light in his eyes got softer and he lowered his hand, a smile warming his face.

Hook, line…

“I was um— I was hoping for you to call, you see.” you said, averting your gaze from him to look down for a second, biting on your lip.

His voice was raspy; “Were you?”

You shrugged your shoulders, mumbling an inaudible maybe, and his eyes trailed down to your lips before snapping up to lock your gaze in his.

“What time do you get off work today?”

And sinker.

Time to pull back.

You sucked in a breath through your teeth, “I work at the soup kitchen tonight.”

“Oh –I thought you said it was on Mondays and Wednesdays.”

“I did, I’m just covering for a friend tonight. Family emergency, she says.” you said and pushed your hair behind your ear, shifting your weight, “But my shift is over at 6 tomorrow and I can be ready around 7, I live really close by. If you’re- if you’re free, that is.”

“I am.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“It’s a date,” he repeated and stood up, “See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

“See you tomorrow Bucky.” You smiled as he walked out of the shop and Tara came closer to you.

“Wow, you’ve been here a month and you met someone that hot?” she said and winked at you, “Good job there.”

Right.

Good job.

                                             ***

“So, wait—“ Chloe came closer to sit between you and Keith, holding a huge bowl of popcorn, “He just showed up?”

“Mm hm.”

“And you have a date tomorrow?”

Keith uncapped your beer and handed you the bottle as you rested your feet on the coffee table.

“You’re being careful, aren’t you?” he asked you and you nodded.

“Sure.”

“He doesn’t suspect anything?”

“No, he’s buying this whole naïve soft hearted civilian thing,” you said while Chloe snatched the remote from Keith’s hand, ignoring protests.

“And are you?”

You dragged your eyes from the list of movies on the screen. “I want a horror movie.”

“Well too bad, I want an action movie.”

“We’re watching a rom-com and that’s final!” Chloe pointed at both of you, making you groan.

“Why does this keep happening?” Keith asked to no one in particular and she snapped her fingers.

“It’s my turn and my place so I pick the movie,” she said and shot you a look, “I’m still waiting for an answer, by the way. You don’t….you don’t have feelings for Barnes, right?”

Keith stole a look at you before turning to Chloe,

“I don’t think our dear friend here wants a relationship beautiful,” he told her, “Not after what happened the last time.”

You could feel the goosebumps rising on your arms as a shiver ran down your spine.

“I don’t even know Barnes all that well yet, but I can assure you he’s not the type to—“ you paused, “Do something that cowardly.”

Keith gritted his teeth. “Where is that asshole anyway?”

“Hungary,” Chloe said and you raised your brows.

“Undercover?”

“Yeah. I hope he gets compromised and dies there.”

“Very unlikely,” you murmured, “Anyways, what brought this on? My feelings for Barnes?”

“It’s just that I recently read Vincent Smith’s file,” she said, “You guys remember Vincent?”

“Who?”

“His code name was Marco.”

“Oh, I remember Marco!” Keith said, “That guy took down a whole unit by himself. What happened to him?”

“He is missing.” Chloe said and you pulled your brows together.

“Since when do agents go missing and we don’t know where they are?”

“Since they fall for the target.”

“No way,” Keith chuckled, “Badass spy Marco fell in love? Poor idiot.”

“You’re a terrible person, Keith.”

You sat up straighter, “Wait, did you say he fell for the target?”

“Yeah, I saw the reports from his handler. And now he’s missing, and I don’t want you to run away with Barnes like Marco did with his target.”

You and Keith exchanged glances and you clicked your tongue.

“Chloe babe, he’s not missing.” you said “He’s dead.”

She pulled back slightly, “You don’t know-“

“Yes I do. You don’t fall for the target and compromise the whole mission, not unless you want to end up dead.”

“There’s no report of that,” she insisted and Keith sipped his beer.

“What did his report say, sweetheart?”

“That he was removed from his mission before going missing.”

Keith scoffed, “Rest in peace Marco, you won’t be missed.”

“How do you know—“

“Because that’s the code,” you said, “If the report says he was removed from his mission and went missing, it means he was killed by an agent on our side.”

“We killed our own agent?” she exclaimed and you turned the beer bottle in your hand,

“He stopped being our agent the moment he fell for the target.”

Chloe covered her mouth with her hands, worry etched into her expression, “Y/N, please, please promise me you won’t somehow get too involved in this mission and fall for Barnes and put yourself in danger.”

You let out a small laugh, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“It’s the Winter Soldier we’re talking about,” you reminded her and chewed on the popcorn, “Trust me, that would never happen.”

“Cross your heart?”

You heaved a sigh and clinked your beer bottle with hers.

“Cross my heart honey,” you assured her, “There’s no way I’d sign my own death warrant by doing something that stupid.”  

Chapter 6

[astraeagreengrass]

Limoncello

Steve, Bucky and their girl go on a holiday

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 1.150

A/N: This is my submission to @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ celebration challenge. My prompt was "Meriggiare - to rest at noon, more likely in a shady spot outdoors". The banner picture was found here. Thank you Star for hosting this challenge and thank you to my amazing Dani @xbuchananbarnes​ for proof-reading this ♡

Bucky said it was called meriggiare.

"It's a verb, love” he explained. "Noi meriggiamo."

It wasn't a luxury he had back in his army days, even if that’s where he learned about it, as well as the handful of Italian words that’d slip from his lips, smooth and melodic, dripping honey in the narrow cobbled streets.

They got you, as Steve would say, hot under the collar.

The holidays were a gift from Tony. “Your men need a vacation” he claimed after a particularly rough mission, sliding a postcard across the desk.

La costiera amalfitana, it announced, in bold letters and promises of rest.

Italy was far enough that the time zone would hinder Steve’s workaholic tendencies yet close enough for the boys to jet back to the compound in case of any real threat. So far, there weren’t any, and eleven days after your arrival, life was lemon-scented and rose-colored, blowing past you in sweet seconds of love and liquor.

The villa - because of course it was a villa - rose from a cliff in classic Mediterranean style, a long symmetrical façade made of sand-white stucco with arched windows and doorways. Beyond it, just clear blue sea, a mirror to your lovers’ gaze. The water welcomed you in the mornings, entwining your bodies in salt and foam, a bed made for you to float under the warm sun - a pair of hands supporting your back, another supporting your legs.

The constant advance and retreat of the waves hitting the rocks lulled them to sleep after lunch, every day without fail.

Bucky was always the first. A clatter of dishes in the sink and he was out to the veranda, metal palm stifling a yawn, falling face-first in the chaise. Steve went later, after drying the last of the plates and placing a kiss to your shoulder. He’d lay on his back, both arms pillowing his head, leaving a few inches between himself and Bucky’s sprawling form so you could join them, yet you never did.

You couldn’t help it, really. No pasta-induced nap or post-swim tiredness could ever overpower the magnificence of having them both so at ease, here out of all places.

To your surprise, Steve was more reluctant to the idea of returning to Italy than Bucky.

"We could go to the Caribbean" he grumbled.

"It's hurricane season" Bucky replied from his spot on your lap, where he was curled up like a big baby.

"What about Brazil?"

"Right now it's winter in South America."

"Australia?"

"Same thing. Honestly, punk, don't you know geography?"

A flying pillow missed Bucky's face by an inch. With a sigh, Steve moved closer, settling on your left side. His arm crossed over Bucky's above your stomach - golden and black and golden.

"I just have so many bad memories from there" he whispered in the crook of your neck.

"We'll make new ones, Stevie - good ones" Bucky reasoned, vibranium digits tracing Steve's pulse point. "Me and you and our girl."

He was right, of course. New recollections found a home in your shared souls - bright like Steve, tender like Bucky, sweet like you. They flowed from empty wine bottles and tiny liquor glasses, down your throats, fluttering in your stomachs - Limoncello, saccharine and dizzying, making you drunk after just one sip. They drenched the back of your neck in fervency and the apex of your thighs in arousal, charging your blood with adoration and them.

The nights were breezy and the windows were left open. The billowing of the linen curtains kept you hypnotized until Steve left the shower and Bucky closed his book. They were Jupiter and Mars, gods you revered or planets you orbited. Perhaps that made you Luna, but you liked to think you were Venus, ascending from the surf in beauty and desire.

You melted in the mattress, limbs combusting as their hands trailed your skin. You shivered and trembled and burned, caught between Steve’s strong grip on your waist and Bucky’s wicked tongue on your neck. The room was a desert, heat descending from your chin to the valley of your breasts in fat drops of sweat caught in someone’s mouth, stolen by someone’s lips. In the delirious ecstasy, seeing them touch each other was a mirage.

Dawn came in shades of yellow and orange, spreading across the dark sky slowly. Steve would paint it in light strokes of his brush from his spot on the pane, pigments staining his digits and forearms. When the sun high in the sky he’d leave, pressing colors to your calves and Bucky’s abs.

“How long has it been since you went on a run?” Bucky breathed on Steve’s collarbone.

“Not long enough.”

Your days were a continuum of this perfectly crafted routine: Steve’s art, Bucky’s reading, and your terrible attempts at cooking. On the rare occasion, you ventured outside the villa to buy food or stuff your faces with Stracciatella gelato you'd pluck bougainvilleas from the side of the road and tuck them behind Bucky's ear. When the wind blew them away, Steve would crouch down and tuck them in his shirt pocket, next to his heartbeat - a memento of his holidays later pressed between the pages of Bucky's journal ou ground to ink in a portrait of you.

On the eleventh day, four before your flight home, you joined them on the chaise. Sam had called earlier, saying that Steve sounded serene and perhaps that meant you should stay longer.

"A summer in Italy doesn't sound too bad, Cap" he declared. "Besides, the world can wait for you for once."

You hadn't talked about it yet, even if Bucky had muttered "Birdbrain's right" on his way to the shady outdoors.

Steve was frowning in his sleep, a crease between his eyebrows marring his perfect features. His eyelashes cast shadows underneath his eyes and some stubble bloomed on his cheeks. Even in slumber, his body leaned towards Bucky, and Bucky's towards his. It was in that spot, perfectly cocooned between two lovers, that you laid.

Sometime later, when the sun was dipping low on the horizon, you woke up to a radiant smile.

"I told ya you were missing out on meriggiare, doll" Bucky beamed. "But guess what?"

"What?"

"I convinced Stevie and we're staying!"

He pecked you, then Steve, who was holding himself up on his elbows with a satisfied smirk.

"Did you?" you narrowed your gaze and melodic laughter bubbled from Steve's lips.

"I could always use some more persuasion" he shrugged.

"Sure you can, Rogers."

But it was done. Sealed in the press of mouths under the canopy of lemon trees, your life for the summer was promised in hushed whispers of tenderness. It would end, as all great things did. When autumn came and the leaves fell you'd mourn the end of the dream, but for now it would rest easy in soft daylight and afternoon slumber.

My masterlist

Taglist: @scentedsongrebel​ @youclickedthislink​ @thegetawaywriter​

[purplesurveys]

1158

survey by vandalisedsheep

When did you last run and why? Last night; I was chasing Cooper around the house since he likes that.

Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Mmm, not really. My mom regularly cleans the house; she’d otherwise go nuts if she’s not able to.

When did you last have a real good sort out/tidy up? I took down some paintings from my wall a couple of weeks ago. Technically not a big change, but it was a big step forward in my personal life so I’m counting it.

What turns you on most (if anything) about the opposite sex? I don’t think there is anything. I like when I see TikToks of boyfriends being sweet and soft, but that’s about it.

What turns you on most (if anything) about the same sex? Thighs.

Would you rather live with a man or a woman? I’ve never experienced having a roommate but if I had to answer this on the spot, I’d pick living with a girl. I’d feel safer that way.

Do your ears ever itch like crazy for no apparent reason? :| Eh, sometimes but it’s never been a recurring issue.

Do you enjoy cooking? I probably would if I knew how to.

How often do you eat out/order in/consume convenience food? Almost never. I’d rather order from restaurants so I can be assured of its quality. I remember having to survive on 7-11 lunch meals when my mom and dad went on a month-long cruise and that to me solidified the fact that convenience store food isn’t particularly the best.

What are you having for dinner tonight? (If you've decided yet that is.) Dinner to me is always a surprise, so I’ll have to wait to find out. Given that it’s Holy Week, though, we’ll probably have something light and nothing too grand.

When did you last have people around for dinner? I think it may have been New Year’s Eve.

Do you like entertaining? Yeah, it’s nice when we have guests because most of the time we’re the ones coming over to a relative’s or family friend’s place.

Is there anything you're pedantic about? What is it? Anything to do with work. My eyes get super attentive as soon as I’m working on a Powerpoint, press release, etc. I wanna make sure everything is aligned, there are no copy errors, etc.

How often do you read? Never. I grew out of my reading hobby years ago, and even as I try getting into it these days I usually get distracted after a few minutes/pages.

Reccomend a good book (in your opinion) please: I can’t, but I know there are a number of people on here who’d be more than happy to suggest some. :)

Do you have any payments that need to be made soon? Hahaha yeah. So one of the e-wallets I use has a new credit line feature and I decided to try it out for funsies and got some Japanese food hahaha. I’m supposed to pay for it sometime this month.

Do you have any phone calls you need to make? Not really.

When did you last buy soap? My parents went to the grocery last Wednesday so I’m guessing they also restocked on soap and other toiletries then.

Are you a nail biter? A nail biter and picker, yeah.

Do you play with your hair a lot? Only when I’m attending mass and get bored. It’s an effective time-killer.

Last time you ate out, what did you order? I went to La Creperie and got their truffled sausage and mushroom pasta and their San Gines hot chocolate.

Do you have any dependents? I guess so? When I was filling out some HR stuff after I got employed, one of the forms asked for my dependents so I just listed my immediate family.

Are you currently saving up for something? Yeah, my birthday blowout for my family hahaha. I wanna order a shit ton of all my favorite food for my birthday. Once that’s done, I’d love a pair of white Nike Air Max 97s.

Do you like it when you get pins and needles? No, I find it uncomfortable and weirdly ticklish.

How about when you bang your "funny bone?"  I hate that.

What's your body temperature, right now? I don’t feel like checking right now lmao, our thermometer is all the way in my parents’ room.

Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman.

Are you currently in a relationship? Nope.

Do you ever play the "what if" game? No, and not too familiar with that, actually. Is it just a game where I have to answer hypothetical situations?

When did you last eat cereal? Maybe a couple of years ago when we last stayed in a hotel; I don’t really remember as I don’t eat cereal.

What do you think your next achievement will be? Turning 23? Hahahaha idk I don’t want to jinx anything.

Are you thirsty? Not particularly.

Do you love getting all hot and sweaty from certain activities? No. It’s a big reason why I stopped working out lol. I hate getting and feeling sweaty.

Do you like having your hair pulled? (If you have any) TMI answer, but only during sex. Otherwise I would hate it.

Do any of your clocks/watches need new batteries? No, I don’t use any that need batteries.

When was the last time you did some real physical activity? Two Thursdays ago at our media event. It included a 20-minute workout session so we had to join in.

What is the smallest object close to you? Probably the USB-C connector I need to connect my earphones to my iPhone 8. That thing is so tiny and easy to lose.

When will you next have a bath? Either later in the evening or tomorrow morning; I already did this morning.

When will you next go swimming? No idea. We might have to set up our inflatable swimming pool soon once April weather comes around, and I might take a dip by then.

When was the last time you were really horny and could do nothing about it? I can always do something when I get horny loooool

What does your hair smell like currently? (If you have any!) My conditioner.

Do you know how to navigate your way through a PC using only the keyboard? Enough to get by and not damage the computer by accident.

My nose is itching now as well as my ears, does your nose currently itch? No.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What were you doing an hour ago? Eating a pesto pasta Healthy Choice meal. When did you get up today? 7:20AM.

Is there anyone that could make your day if they showed up at your house? No.

Do you live west of Ohio? Yes.

Do you live east of Colorado? No.

Does your middle name begin with a A, M, or S? Yes.

How old was the last person you rode in a car with? 54, 57, and 20.

What color was the last vehicle you were in? A brown Honda.

Do you have big plans for the weekend? Weekend is over, but I actually got out and did some stuff. I saw Dark Phoenix Saturday and today we went out for breakfast for Father’s Day and then my mom and I went grocery shopping at Walmart.

How many of your top friends have tattoos? Myspace is deadddd.

How long have you lived at your current residence? Almost 10 years.

How long has your ex been your ex? I technically only have one ex and we’ve been broken up for well over 10 years.

When was the last time you were up at 5am? Today. 

Have you ever kissed your #4?

What was the last movie you saw in theaters and who did you go with? I saw Dark Phoenix with my parents and brother.

When was the last time you went bowling? Uhh like 2009.

How about swimming? 2013.

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? No.

The Eiffel Tower? No.

The Great Wall of China? No.

When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? I don’t go fishing.

How old were you in 1999? 9, turning 10 that July.

How many funerals have you been to this year? Zero.

When was the last time you spent a night stargazing? I’ve never done that.

Are you taller than 5'6"? I’m about 5′4.

What was the last thing you cooked? I microwaved a TV dinner thing earlier.

Who were the last three people to call you? Mom, dad, brother.

What were you doing last night at 10pm? Probably surveys.

Did you go to daycare when you were little? No.

Do you have a favorite pillow you always sleep with? I have like 6 pillows on my bed, but I only use 1.

When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? A couple years ago.

Are there any candles in the room you’re in? Yes.

If you turn around, what is behind you? Back pillow, headboard, wall.

Would you dye your hair hot pink for $50? 50 bucks? Nah.

Have you ever had someone like you that you didn’t like back? Yes.

Do you usually fall for people who also fall for you? Haaaa. Nope.

Do you know what you’d have been named had you been born the opposite sex? No.

Do you have any step or half siblings? I have a half brother, but we never have referred to each other as such.

What is your profile song right now? -

What is your #1’s profile song? -

How many people have you kissed in the last 48 hours? Zero.

The last week? Zero.

The last month? Zero.

Do you regret any of them?

What would you do if your #2 showed up on your doorstep this very minute? -

If you switch ‘e’ with 'a’, 'n’ with 'c’, & 'l’ with 'x’ what’s your name? Staphecxa. Interesting.

When is the next time you will see your #3? -

Would you ever visit a nude beach? No.

When was the last time someone gave you a compliment? I don’t recall.

Do you take any prescription meds? Yes.

What happens if you don’t take them? I’d be in a lot of pain.

What color is your underwear? Red.

Who was the last person you dreamt about? I had a really random dream about a few random people last night.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Hot Topic.

Where was the last place you spent more than $50? Boxlunch.

Where is your favorite place to be kissed other than the usual place? Neck.

Do you hate getting hickeys? I’ve never been given one.

Who was the last person to hug you? My mom.

Are there any buttons on the clothes you’re wearing? No.

How about zippers? No.

What percent of your day includes music? I don’t listen to music everyday, so it really just varies.

Have you had any fruit today? No.

Who is on your mind right now? My back hurting.

Are your fingernails painted? No.

Do you keep a diary/journal? This is it.

In how many years will you be thirty? I’ll be turning 30 next month.,.. D:

Do you set your marshmallows on fire when you roast them? I’ve never roasted marshmallows, actually. My S’mores have been made in a microwave, ha.

Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened? Sweetened. 

Have you ever dated someone who’s name began with ’D’? Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone who’s name began with 'K’? No.

Have you ever hugged someone who’s name began with 'E’? Yeah.

What scent is your favorite perfume/cologne? Patchouli or fruity, sweet scents for perfumes, sandalwood and cedarwood. 

Have you showered today? No, I did last night.

If you went on a blind date, and it turned out to be your ex, you would? Run.

When was the last time you took a nap? Earlier.

What are you plans after this? Another survey.

[jessaadventures-blog]

Week Six: Chillin’ Out

Under the Lobitos pier.

This week was nice and chill, which was much needed after the craziness of last week! Nothing too crazy happened, but there were still some fun times with the EcoTeam. I’m already two-thirds through my time in Lobitos, and it feels both like I just got here and I’ve been here forever. I’m sure these next three weeks will fly by, and I’m excited to see what they hold!

The EcoHouse

My banana and strawberry compote crepe!

We only had one addition to the EcoTeam this week. Claudia arrived on Tuesday from the UK! She goes to Bristol University like Jack, but is a year ahead of him in the same geography program  (going into her third year of uni). Claudia is great, she’s always really enthusiastic and funny and we’ve had fun pointing out differences between British and American slang (it’s her and Jack and Joris against the rest of us usually). Claudia is doing research for her dissertation while she’s here, so she isn’t directly involved in any of the existing projects. She’s been interviewing local fisherman about overfishing and illegal fishing, which is really interesting! She’ll be here for three weeks total, so her, Seth, Orianna, and Chris (who comes tomorrow for two weeks) all leave the weekend before me. We have eight volunteers right now, with two people staying at Nacho’s hostel. Jenny leaves tomorrow and Chris comes to replace her, and we have one more guy, Anthony, coming on Sunday so we’ll have nine volunteers! That’s a super full house.

Diego (the Director) and his girlfriend, Nai Ana, are arriving tomorrow as well to replace Michael leaving for a week, and then Andres leaves when Michael gets back. It’ll be a big crew for my last few weeks!

We cooked a lot this week in an effort to reduce the money we’re spending by going out to eat so much. The four girls were almost always the chefs, and the four guys were the clean up crew! We did our classic Taco Tuesday, which everyone always enjoys, and on Wednesday we made two amazing vegan pot pies! Still my favorite food I think :) On Thursday we had a sweet and savory vegan crepe night with homemade strawberry compote, bananas, avocados, tomatoes, chickpeas, veggies, and more. This was a big hit; I definitely want to make crepes again before I leave. We also had some pisco sours to go with our fancy crepes! On Friday we made our famous veggie burgers (the guys were all extremely hungry though, so they went for starters at Tranqui’s and then  came back and demolished the rest of the burgers). By Saturday we were getting low on homemade dinner materials (it’s hard cooking for ten people, six of whom eat for two or three people each), but we made a big batch of pasta and stir fried some squash and veggies to go with it and the remade pasta sauce we buy. Last night we gave up and went to Tranqui’s for dinner, which was as good as always!

A slice of vegan pot pie :)

Other than food, we had some fun nighttime activities this week! We had two game nights, one where we played BS (the card game) and Seth, who worked as a gondolier in Indianapolis, gave a wonderful performance of a famous Italian song that he would have to sing while he rowed tourists down the river so Claudia would take some of his cards (he’s quite talented). For the other game night we played the name game, where everyone writes down names of famous people on pieces of paper, and one person on each of the two teams has to get the rest of the team to guess what name they have (similar to taboo or charades), and we played some vary intense rounds of spoons, one of which was spoons hide-and-seek and we had to get up and run around the house trying to find the spoons. It was a blast!

The other big event we had was a Lord of the Rings marathon! We watched all the extended editions (each is four hours or more) over the course of four almost-consecutive days. We watched the first movie on Wednesday, split the second movie between Thursday and Friday, and watched the third (4.5 hours) on Sunday because it hadn’t fully downloaded on Saturday. Because I just finished the books, it was interesting to rewatch the movies and notice all the things they left out and little plot changes in the movies that weren’t in the books.

This weekend was really chill for me, all of the newer volunteers went to El Ñuro to swim with the turtles on Saturday, so I just hung out and read Harry Potter (I’ve just started the fifth book and I started the first one a week ago) and laid in the sun and did a big load of laundry. On Sunday everyone was tired but I got outside for a while and went for a swim (the waves were too big for me to surf) and a walk.

Overall a fun week in the EcoHouse getting to know the new interns, playing games, and cooking!

Work

Chipping paint in the sunrise!

This week was a little frustrating work-wise. I found a bunch of big cracks in the basin of the distiller that have opened up again (they originally were formed because the volunteer that built the actual wood structure of the distiller didn’t let the wood dry long enough and it warped) and the seawater was just leaking straight out of the bottom of the distiller. We got more silicone from Seth, and I did my best to fill all the gaps and create a seal between the window and the basin, but when I went to test the distiller again on Saturday morning there was still a big crack that I had missed, so all the water drained out again. Now I have to let the distiller dry again and then fix the cracks again and let it dry before testing it again hopefully on Friday. I think the seal is working a lot better, but the warping is definitely slowing down progress and making it difficult to get the distiller to perform at its best. But, I guess that’s the point of pilot unit like this one, to try it and make mistakes and learn from them! My main goal for the distiller at this point is to to a fully functional test (with no holes and a good seal) and move it up to the fisherman’s guild, where Joris has just finished building a stand for the distiller, before I leave. I think that’s doable, but I don’t want to rush it and sacrifice functionality like the guy who built the wood structure did. We’ll see how far I get! I also got my first Lobitos sunburn while painting silicone on the distiller this week, but its already faded.

Planting day was more like painting day this week. We got up at 6am as usual, and we finally decided to repaint the front outside wall of the house (there were a bunch of big paint chips in it that had been bugging me since I got here), so we spent five hours chipping the paint off the wall and getting covered in paint dust (we had catchy music to work to, so it was fun)! We then had an EcoBrunch, which was our usual big planting day breakfast immediately followed by the lunch that Angelita was already done making by the time we called planting day quits.

I’ve been keeping up with social media posts much better now, so that went well this week! We also launched and completed a crowdfunding campaign in four days, during which we raised $750 for Ale’s wind turbine project!

There’s still a lot to do before I leave, and I hope I can get it all done! I’m still very motivated to get this distiller up and running efficiently and reliably.

Adventures

Surfers jumping into the big waves at Piscinas.

There weren’t too many adventures this week, but we went to Tranqui’s for Saturday dinner and 420 for Monday dinner (we got there early and got the warm inside table and quick service)!

I went surfing a few times this week, though I usually ended up going at low tide when the waves aren’t as great, but I got up on a little green wave (before the wave had curled) which was exciting! I had only been catching the white wash before then.

My swim this weekend was nice, and my walk afterwards took me down to the Piscinas cliffs, where I watched surfers catching the big waves, saw a bunch of crabs, and picked up a bunch of trash (I haven’t talked much about it, but there’s an open landfill nearby and plastic bags and other trash tend to escape and litter the beach and everywhere between Lobitos and Talara, it’s really sad).

The EcoTeam at Tranqui’s!

This was a nice, chill week with a lot of fun nights! I’m looking forward to the next three weeks, and I’m definitely getting excited for Patagonia (we have some readings to do now, and I’m starting to read up on Patagonian energy issues) and the mountains and beauty there. I’m also missing my friends and am excited to be back on campus soon and move into my new house!

Miss and love you all as well, I hope all your summers are going well and are full of fun adventures!

[n0resistance]

Rome

    What was interesting with where we were in Rome was that a lot of locals spoke English. Most cities are like this. We had a Counselor that said all major cities usually speak English,  and the authentic places are in the villages. She was right. I tried to speak Italian after all my lessons to our waiter, and he felt uncomfortable that I wasn't very fluent and asked me to speak English! They also get offended when you ask for extra salt, or ketchup, anything that changes the dish. They think you're insulting their food.     

    The food is amazing. Veal, rabbit, pasta, melon con prosciutto, and bruschetta. The wine is excellent. Anything sweet is excellent. I found my favorite wine was from Piedmonti called Gavi di Gavi. Which is in the North. My favorite restaurant in Campo De Fiori  is a chain! This wine and cheese bar called Obica. Which is in New York and LA. Our apartment was walking distance from the Colosseum. It was far from school. I always had to take the bus. Which was honesty policy when it came to payment. So people didn't really pay. When the cops came to check we would just jump off. That's why there were transportation strikes in Rome all the time. The honesty policy system did not work.     

    It took me forever to get to know my area where my apartment was because I always stayed with my friend who lived near Piazza Navona. Which had this amazing fountain of the four major rivers and their Gods. A Brazilian consulate, the best gelato, and our school. My friend and I would go running. One time, since we don't really have phones, and you have to pay per call, we ran to each other's houses without knowing it. I got lost and I finally got to her house and her roommate said she was running to see me. 

    We connected with people through facebook and if we set a time we would meet there. If we weren't there we would wait. It was awesome not having a phone. I had my camera, my journal, and some food vouchers. Our program was awesome because rent was paid for as well as food vouchers to restaurants and the only thing I had to worry about was travel. My dad sent me $150 a week from what I saved over the summer, and that's how I lived. 

     In Rome, I felt like I didn't really have any money, and I felt like I had too much free time. So I had journals and photos and eventually started taking videos. I set intentions. I wanted a tattoo of my mother's signature. It was a card she gave to my father "Happy 3 month anniversary" in 1985. Finding that was really special to me and I brought it with me to Italy to get the tattoo. I wanted to learn Italian, speak to people. Make friends. I decided to do a video project. For Italy, and film everything I was experiencing. 

    I focused and did really well in school. Watch Italian films and got a real Italian education, or as close as you can going to an American school in Rome. My last intention was to see all that Italy has to offer. People in my program went all over Europe. Spain, Morocco, France, and Croatia. I couldn't afford trips like that, so I backpacked every weekend with my friend from New York and my other friend from LA, and went to the beaches or villages and saw Italy.     

     My classes included Italian, Philosophy, Art History, and my favorite History of Italian Cinema. Art History was amazing because every class was at the actual site. It was included in the program so we learned about Michel Angelo and then went to the Vatican to see the Sistine Chapel. Dates were the hardest to remember. We also saw this amazing Duomo  and the art  in Orvietto. We learned about Luca Signorelli and his painting called The Last Judgement. When hell comes on earth and takes everyone who was a sinner. Basically the end of the world. It's graphic and disturbing. I carved my initials with a permanent marker at the bottom of one of the paintings. Orvietto was my favorite because it was a place I could speak to people in Italian, since people didn't know English.     

    One time we brought our friends' parents and we were famished for lunch during Siesta. All the restaurants were closed but this little old lady went inside and cooked us a meal from scratch. I had pasta fagioli, which is my absolute favorite. My friend’s parents asked for ice for their white wine, which is uncommon in Italy. She had to make it from scratch and by the time it was ready, we finished all the wine. 

    We had amazing day trips. Our trip to Napoli we saw Pompeii, Mt Vesuvius, and the Island of Capri. They make the best limoncello in Capri. You see all the people who were preserved from the volcano eruption in Pompeii. As well as the brothels there. We did a day trip on our own when everyone went to Oktober fest to Sperlonga. We rented a pedal boat with a slide. Went swimming topless. Had a freak out because we realized we left our passports and all our money at the beach and nobody was watching it. We had fresh fish. Felt like we got robbed because they didn't tell us how much the fish was until we left.     

    For our film class we had a field trip to CInecitta studios. We saw the original set for Gangs of New York. The set for this one film called Roman Empire. I loved that class. I learned a lot about fascism, neorealism, and realism, and discovered my favorite director Fellini, as well as actress Sophia Loren. Who was the first sex icon in Italy and was one of the first to make it to Hollywood. Italians impress me with the food, culture, and art.  Living there made me want to become a filmmaker. 

    My Italy video project consumed me. I would film and edit it everyday after school. I was obsessed. I wanted to include everything. My friend was so supportive of that. I was upset about this new realization because I already spent 3 years studying business, hotel management, and had this epiphany that I should be an artist. I knew I had to go home and finish my degree. I knew I needed to make money. I knew I wanted to be an artist and express myself through storytelling because most of our entertainment during dinner was my crazy stories from college or my suburban town in New Jersey. 

  So I used Italy as my outlet, I never knew when I was going to come back, or have an opportunity to not work, and be this inspired. That I just ran with it with my camera and my journal. I filmed everything. Car rides, night life, the beach, cinecitta studios,  Pompeii, and all of Rome. It was my first movie. I got terribly homesick and my friends missed me too. I especially missed my dog. He ate brownie batter and had to get his stomach pumped which was $500.00. I felt like I missed out a lot of the sorority events, I just joined. I wrote out a speech to be pledge mom and sent the video to them in a beautiful place in Rome. It was so loud because in the middle of my speech an ambulance came. My sister came to Rome. I got to show her the new life I was living and my apartment. We had aperitivo and wine. It was special to show her.    

     I became close with my roommate, and got close with the barista Luca who made my coffee every morning. I got into cappuccinos because I had to go to the coffee shop to get wifi. I would write all day. He was a ballerina. I also made friends with one of our professors. He would come out with my friend and I, he was always talking philosophy. A friend of mine from Pace was studying in Barcelona and came to Rome. We went to the Jewish area where the holocaust happened. It was pretty sad. Any piece of home was nice. We went to a soccer game and soccer is like religion in Italy. My favorite player was Totti, they call him Il Capitano. We were the only people that drank at the soccer stadium. Everything is closed for soccer. People are very focused and into the game. I got a jersey I wore all the time.

    My favorite area was Trastevere. They call it the Brooklyn of Italy. Not too busy, a lot of creatives, I even prefer the bars and food there. There was a University in New York stationed there called St. John's. When you cross the Tiber River, you end up there. Also, my area was really awesome. I didn't realize it til the end of our study abroad. Since I spent most of my time near the center. I remember hearing Vampire Weekend for the first time at a bar there. I also remember all the live music, burlesque shows, and piazzas near me were amazing.      

    Our school was sweet. They even hosted a Thanksgiving for us and celebrated Halloween, so we wouldn't feel homesick. There's a lot of Irish pubs in Rome where American students hang out. Scholars, The Abbey, The Drunken ship was where you went to turn up. We even went on a pub crawl with wrist bands. You have to stay close to your friends the entire time. Rule#1 never get in a car with strangers.

       I learned a lot about myself in Italy. I found freedom, community, and a desire to be an artist there. I found independence. I learned to cook. A lot better than I've ever cooked before. A different part of my brain would work when I spoke Italian. I developed this big dream to be in an Italian movie. The movies I watched demonstrated the hardships Italy overcame. I spent time on myself and even though I loved New York I didn't have time to breathe. Italy will always be a second home to me. I thank that experience and that calling to go there because it made me who I am.

[cosmosogler]

hawaii part 3

hmm yes it does appear that i left writing the journal off until 11:30. that was a mistake. i got distracted. it’s easier to not think about things than to think about things. it’s... easier to think about other things too.

reading my post yesterday in order to get my bearings i realized how much i dislike the way i “sound.” no wonder everyone treats me like a man baby.

the public beach was fine. i didn’t want to stand around at the hotel and play pokemon all day so i went to a beach with bigger waves with my brother, austin, thomas, dad, and uncle mike. the neighbors came too, later. everyone except me and uncle mike was out in the waves so i just sat in the shade in the soft dirt-sand and talked to mike about cook’s pines, which we had spotted at the very north end of the island. you could see out that far from this part of the beach. we also talked about pigeons since there were a lot of them. we talked a little bit about eve and how, when pounds want to get their animals adopted, they describe the animal using the most exotic breed in the mix. wiley is a “finnish spitz mix.” (look them up they’re super cute actually.) eve is a “greyhound mix,” even though mike said she acts way more like a black lab. he said they’re always skittish like she is. 

i couldn’t really argue with that. it is more exciting to say you have a half-greyhound than a half-black lab. and eve never shuts up when mike is around. she just howls and howls and runs away and howls from the other room even a little while after he’s gone. she’s done that since she was 3. i thought she would get used to him after a year or two, but i guess once she realized he was also her vet she kept a grudge. 

wiley likes him though.

i eventually stumbled out into the waves knee-deep to laugh at the boys and their boogie boards. i probably stood out in the sun for just a little too long. i had been upset that i’d forgotten the sun hat gramma bought for me... i dunno it’s just nice to stand with your feet in the ocean even if you’re not swimming. 

i didn’t stay out for too long though. i mostly had gotten up because my legs were falling asleep sitting in the dirt, and also because i had sat down less than a foot away from an anthill and dropped my shoes on top of it. i went back in the shade and talked to sierra a little bit and played some pokemon.

i don’t remember what we did for dinner after that. it’s kind of frustrating to go to dinners with my family. gramma and sharon heavily favor restaurants we are familiar with over restaurants that are good/are easier for 25% of us to eat at. ryan has the fatal peanut oil allergy, i’m vegetarian, my sister’s got a lot of dietary restrictions and is generally picky, austin’s not allowed to touch nuts since his brother’s so allergic. gramma can’t eat red meat but we go to steak houses all the time. thomas won’t eat anything but hot dogs and sometimes pizza.

the next day was the last day on maui. my sister, claudia, uncle dave, and i broke off from the group to go to the aquarium. i didn’t realize that my family wasn’t joining everyone else for lunch so i didn’t think to say goodbye to anyone when we left the hotel. that kind of sucked. the aquarium was nice though. i sent a lot of pictures with one-liners and snarky comments to asher. i also took a ton of videos, which i forgot to show him when we hung out today.

after that (and some shopping) my sister and i had to wait in the shopping center after dave took claudia back to the hotel. we waited for like 40 minutes for our family to pick us up. we had some ice cream. the car ride over to ihop sucked. it was just the worst. my parents would yell at each other, and then demand unreasonable things from my sister (who had siri open), and then when my sister would get irritated she would get yelled at for raising her voice. my mom and dad acted like she was SO unreasonable for being frustrated with them. “i’m just such-and-such,” they would say, like “just” doing something excuses you from being a dick. “i’m just sayin.”

i hate “i’m just sayin.” it’s dad’s trump card for when he wants to “win” an argument. because if you get mad when someone is “just sayin” words, because “just” saying is so different from “actually” saying, then you are unreasonable and you lose!!!

at ihop i was too sick to eat and my sister was too sick to eat. then about halfway through the meal my brother cried out and put his hands over his eye. i was worried he had gotten hot sauce in it (i noticed the bottle next to his elbow) and suggested washing it out in the bathroom. he and dad didn’t come back for a long time. after we finished eating we dug out my sister’s eye drops and mom basically shot his eye with a jet of saline. also a guy who may or may not have been a tourist was there. he gave me conflicting stories over the span of our conversation. i wanted to focus on my brother but there wasn’t really anything i could do and the guy was very interested in talking to my family.

so then we went to the airport, and i played pokemon while waiting for the plane, which was about 40 minutes late. then we got on the plane and i watched the sun go down and listened to less than a full elo album before we landed on oahu. when we collected our bags and got the rental car my brother complained that his eye still felt like someone was jamming a needle into it and it had been seven hours.

so mom decided it was a good idea to give him one of her oxycodone pills. 

i have some feelings about this. mostly confusion, because i don’t understand why mother would have those pills in the first place. she’s always so harsh when she judges dad’s mom because she’s “addicted to pain killers” and “stole grandpa’s medication before he died” and “complains to the doctor too much so he’ll keep refilling her prescriptions.”

but you know what? 

mom stole my pain killers, my vicodin, when i had my wisdom teeth out. i had to go like five days with just tylenol when my jaw still wasn’t healed enough for me to even eat solids. when i talked to dad about it one time, years ago now i think, he seemed to imply that that was just something she does. 

i’ve met people who are addicted to oxycodone. it’s not a fun time. where the hell is mom getting such a powerful drug? who the hell is giving it to her? she has migraines. but i looked it up just now and oxy is a TERRIBLE  choice for treating migraines. and also it’s super addictive. 

and also i’m a stickler for rules i guess and i was super irritated that mom broke the rules and gave a prescribed medicine to someone who it had not been prescribed to. a powerful one! and she said this might mean she couldn’t take him to the emergency room!

at 11 after we had gotten settled into our new hotel room mom and dad took him to the emergency room anyway. i hope she got in trouble. my brother was super stoned. on the way to the hotel he was asking me stuff like what my major was and where i was going to school. he also made sammie-level bad jokes and laughed at them.

mom complained that we shouldn’t have pushed her to give him one. even though no one had told her to... even my brother was like “i don’t care just do something” at the time. 

so that night i didn’t fall asleep until 1, after my brother got back from the er. he had debris stuck in his eye and it had scratched his cornea. 

i had a dream that the monster didn’t want to kill me. it was after some equipment i had. a while into the dream i realized that not only could i teleport myself (sometimes i can do that), i could send other things away too. actually it was easier to Send Things Away than to teleport myself, which required a lot of brute-forcing my imagination into believing i had taken a huge step forward, sometimes up a wall or through one, instead of just a normal walking step.

it’s literally the best way i’ve dealt with a monster in my dreams basically ever. anyone around me it wanted to hurt, maybe as punishment? send them away. after the machine i had? send it away. “sorry dude, better luck next time.”

there was a lot more to it but it’s hard to explain in words that make sense when put in a sentence together. i wish i dreamed less in fluid images or impressions and more in solid ones.

well, even the solid images don’t always make a lot of sense... they make sense to me, in a weird way, but i can’t figure out how to make it make sense for everyone else. and drawing them is like looking into an infinite fractal. i can never put as much detail on the paper as i saw in my head and then it looks bland and strange and not what i wanted to communicate.

the next day i woke up at like 10:30, which is the latest i ever woke up during the trip. i even turned my alarm off. i felt sick all day. my family left to get lunch and i just stayed in the room because it hurt. in the evening we went to my mom’s cousin’s anniversary house gathering party. this is the cousin my mom doesn’t even like very much, due to gay. 

i didn’t have much food. i mostly talked to my mom’s other cousin and her family, and caught up with some people i didn’t know. the meal was jewish chinese hawaiian. i liked the pasta salad.

by 9 i was too exhausted to talk to anyone any more. i found myself blinking even more owlishly at the host’s collection of mugs painted with the faces of what appeared to be american presidents. there were like 40 of them. i had laughed when i saw them the first time and said “it’s good to have a hobby.” i guess as i got more tired i wanted to say more, but had less to say. so i just looked at them a lot.

i don’t know what i did with all that time. i don’t know what i spent my evening doing. my family was watching a different movie on each tv in the hotel room. we had the two-room setup again, but my brother and i had separate beds this time. it was frustrating because my feet and ankles would get caught in the blanket tucked under the bed. it was too hard to kick the blankets loose so i felt pressed down and restricted and that made it really hard to fall asleep. i have enough trouble getting my arms and legs into comfortable positions while i’m up and about during the day. i spend all night fidgeting and adjusting my weight and yanking my pajama pants around trying to get them to sit right. this happens every night. i’m uncomfortable all the time. my legs just won’t sit right and it feels like if i just kicked or flexed them i could maybe jimmy them into better positions but it never happens. so when i sit i kick my feet around all the time. and when i sit with my hands or arms against a surface i knead at it trying to get my hands! into! the Correct! position!!!

the correct position probably doesn’t exist. i’ve never gotten there before. all i can do is try to loosen up my muscles a little bit so i stop feeling so strained and uncomfortable.

the last full day i spent laying around mostly. i went and looked at the baby seal and took pictures and sent them to asher. i found anny and sarah on the beach but my legs fell asleep while i was sitting under the umbrella with them so i got up and left. i was also getting sunburnt again. i found mom at the hotel restaurant so i got lunch with her even though i didn’t want to. i got a fancy drink with dragonfruit and mango and stuff. i told mom i wasn’t hungry at all but she talked me into a sandwich that was way too big for me to reasonably eat and also like 20 dollars. i barely managed half of it. i gave the other half to dad when he showed up.

then we went to the actual anniversary party at a fancy restaurant. i was too tired to interact with anyone so i sat with my brother and sister and tried to track down a glass of water. my brother ended up with three, mostly as a joke on my part.

this is the story as i understand it. my aunts have been together for 20 years. marriage was legalized between 3 and 4 years ago, and they got officially married a few weeks after the law passed. we were here to celebrate their “anniversary,” though it may have just been the best time of year for everyone to travel. there were a lot of cute and touching speeches. i always enjoy uncle len’s terrible, terrible poetry. it’s actually better than mine at least.

hmm, well, maybe they’re about the same quality now that i’m thinking about it.

the food was very interesting. i was told the chef said he would have something “interesting” for me since i think i was the only vegetarian. i got some kind of briny rice with like a creamy green sauce. it was topped with asparagus and some little tomato cubes. and also really spongy looking mushrooms. and a cracker made out of cheese. i think it was asiago.

it was ok. i was tolerating it pretty well until i picked up a big mushroom stump and tried to eat that. the effect was immediate. i near gagged on how spongy and salty it was. it tasted like the ocean. the last time i accidentally swallowed ocean (a few days previously) i had thrown up immediately. as had my brother. we’re cool like that.

after that i wasn’t interested in eating any more. i had some of the dessert but didn’t really enjoy it that much. i think if i was feeling better i would have liked it more.

don’t tell no one, but we had assigned seats. when i got over to the table with my brother and sister i saw that i was assigned next to dad. i swapped my name card with my second cousin’s so i could sit next to my brother instead.

there were three performing sisters supplying the party with music. they were pretty good! when they came over to our table and asked for requests i said “please god anything but over the rainbow” and they laughed. they played some songs that their mother wrote. but at the end they made us all hold hands and sway together and sing aloha oe. i was bummed about that, mostly because i didn’t want to be standing, partly because i didn’t know the words, and partly because i really didn’t want to hold hands with anyone.

i had a lot of trouble falling asleep at a reasonable hour that night. i had more dreams, and i was thinking about them the next day, but i don’t remember what they were any more. the ride to the airport was stressful. i was crammed in the back with all the suitcases and every time we made a sharp turn i’d get squashed or knocked in the face by the suitcase’s wheels. i ended up getting something like chocolate chalk on my fingers trying to buckle my seat belt and i was upset about that the whole ride.

i texted with asher for a while. i don’t think he was doing so hot but he heard me out which was nice of him. i was looking at a billboard while we were stopped at a gas station and i texted “it’s kind of surprising how little matters in life when you think about it.”

i’d been thinking about that for over a week at that point. so few things actually matter. i was trying to make a list and i could only really think of one thing. being able to see the sky matters.

i also said it was really a relief to look at something and say “screw it, i don’t care about this any more, i’m going to stop putting any effort into it.” because, like, it saves so much energy to not put effort into things you don’t care about! why waste your time on crap that doesn’t matter? 

i mean, sure, if you care about something, be tenacious as hell. but if it doesn’t matter? why am i still trying? why not try at something that does matter?

what i’m getting at here is that i don’t care about being friendly with dad any more. he never apologized or mentioned it or did anything. he barely looks at me. if being embarrassed or being the authority or whatever is more important to him than i am, then screw it! i don’t care! i don’t HAVE to care.

so that’s the hawaii lesson. you don’t have to care. you can choose to care, but you don’t have to.

on the flight back i did nothing but fish for bottle caps for basically six hours. i got up to use the restroom and i did doze for about 20 minutes at the start of the flight. 

it wasn’t really just fishing for bottle caps. i never just fish. that’s boring. i was listening to music and fishing for bottle caps on the side to keep my hands busy. i was barely even paying attention. i spent a lot of time thinking about random stuff. like animorphs, or doing a mental review of one of the comics i’m reading, or wondering about recent developments in another. i also spent actually more time than i should have wondering what the guy next to me was thinking. i mean i was playing what was clearly pokemon, but all i was doing was running back and forth and fishing up pokemon that i ran away from. 

i got nine bottle caps.

we landed around 10:30. baggage claim was normal amounts of crowded and stressful. dad missed the terminal’s curb when he drove over to pick us up and had to spent 10 minutes going all the way back around the airport to try again. it was over 100 degrees even though it was the middle of the night. the car was crammed the whole hour back. we decided to stop at carl’s jr for dinner at 11:30 and i got really sick from the grease. we got home at 12. i putzed around on the internet until 1:30, and then i took a really long time getting ready for bed because i felt disgusting and i wanted to wash off more than usual, and then i couldn’t fall asleep because my brother was screaming at the computer and stuff.

in the morning i went downstairs to go to my doctor’s appointment after sleeping for 5 and a half to 6 hours. after waiting for 10 minutes for dad to get ready to leave, i finally asked when we were heading out because i had no idea where this office was or how to get there. he leaned in real close to me and growled “i NEVER said i would take you ANYWHERE.”

the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[judithsears]

2017 - Great year.

I went to Cuba in April. I swam in turquoise waters for the first time and cried like a baby. Snorkeled in the ocean, danced and ate with the locals, squished giant cockroaches and lived in paradise for 8 glorious days.

I went to Italy in July with my mom. Visited Mestre, Venice, La Spezia, Portovenere, Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome. I ate pizza, pasta and drank prosecco. Swam in the Mediterranean sea with the fish, saw the sun set at the top of piazza di michelangelo, hiked the eastern coast between the towns or Corniglia and Vernazza. It was incredible. I spent one day alone, a complete stranger in a village. Anonymous, and alone, eating gelato at the top of a mountain, sweating in 42 degree heat, looking down onto a marina on the ocean.

I completed my second season of rowing.

I learned how to throw ceramics on the wheel and made several mugs and bowls.

Continued working on my body and my self.

Watched Third Eye Blind play Semi Charmed Kind of Life, live, outdoors, at sunset overlooking the water in upper New York.

My nephew was born in January. He is perfect. And I love him.

I tried desperately to expand my friend-base. It has proved very difficult between the weddings, babies, schedules, careers, money, etc...But I made some genuine connections with some really great people and feel pretty fortunate for it.

HIGH FIVE 2017.

What do I want to do in 2018? I was doing aquafit the other day, floating in the pool with one of the aforementioned friends, and we talked about what goals we have for the new year...

-TRAVEL AGAIN.

-Build and nurture friendships and put myself out there. Stop standing in my own way and hang out with people.

-ROW.

-See my ladies club - S.W.I.S. - come to fruition.

-FITNESS.

-Work on my hobbies in the evenings after work rather than just sit on my ass and be lazy. I’d like to do things that feel good, make me happy and allow a feeling of accomplishment at the end. (ie. sewing, painting, etc...)

-Make my GRL PWR show a reality.

-GET THEM ABS.

2016 A YEAR IN REVIEW

I’m welcoming in 2017 with open arms. I’ve turned 30 and am trying to figure out how to be happy and to better my life. Here are my goals for 2017:

*Travel. I want to go to Italy and go hiking in BC. (I DID IT. I FINALLY WENT TO ITALY.)

*Create less waste. Less packaging. Find a way to compost.

*Eat slower (like my dad) and enjoy my food (and wine) more. (FAIL)

*Take more pictures. (MEGA FAIL)

*Sew wearable clothes. (NO)

*Take a pottery course/workshop. (YES! SUCCESS!)

*Continue rowing. (YES. V GOOD.)

*Continue at my job and maybe grow into a new, higher position or role to gain experience. (KIND OF IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW)

*Continue my quest for good health - physical and mental. Which means eating well, eating whole foods, less sugar, salt and fat and exercising regularly. (YES)

*Continue growing food on my balcony and using it in my cooking. (50/50)

*Travel. (CUBA)

*Travel. (ITALY)

*Travel. (SYRACUSE)

Lets see how I did at my 2016 list….

- Sew something new. Clothing. T-shirts. Dresses. Anything. (No. BUT I did pick up a pattern. I guess that doesn’t count though.)

- Be kind for pete’s sake! Drop the attitude. (No. Attitude is as fiery as ever.)

- Be more accepting of others and everyone’s little imperfections! ( I tried.)

- Complain less. Appreciate more. (Yes, I tried.)

- Work out more. It wasn’t until I hurt my knee that I realized there are other things you can do with your body that are (almost) as challenging and as rewarding as running. (I’ve completed Kayla Itsines full 24 week guide this year.)

- Get them abs. I want to see and earn my muscle tone and definition. (Photos to come soon.)

- Travel somewhere new. (I think the only place I really went this year was Syracuse, NY)

- Grow something new and edible. Grow more edible things! (My whole balcony was food this summer! Kale, kale and more kale. Tomatoes. Basil. Etc.)

- Drink more water. (Nay.)

- Cook new things and try new foods!!! I love food. (Yes. Success.)

- Love more. (Yes.)

- Beat this awful and miserable fear of flying. (Nay. I think it may have gotten worse actually. haha.)

2016. It’s coming to an end. Everyone is going on and on about how much it sucked. I thought it was alright.

I think the really defining piece of my year was moving into a new job. That all my hard work and time and emotional exhaustion paid off in one way or another and I am now supervising the program I started off in. I may not be teaching, but I’m happy.

I began rowing. I was on a team this summer with 7 other rowers and we learned and raced and drank together. It was amazing. Terrifying but amazing. Along with that, I started doing yoga at the boat house, overlooking the Ottawa river. Pretty amazing.

Went to Syracuse, NY for an amazing, incredible, spontaneous weekend to see Rob Thomas and Counting Crows at a beautiful, magical outdoor amphitheatre.

I turned 30. And my best friend and boyfriend orchestrated the more surprising surprise party, and it was so fun and memorable.

I donated my hair for the SECOND TIME! I love doing this. But somehow after turning 30, my hair is incredibly thin now and worrying me so it may not happen again! Hah.

I had an amazing time at the cottage this summer with my best friend. I visited the cottage I grew up at every summer, rode the boat I caught my first fish in, swam in the lake I learned to swim in and roasted marshmallows in the same spot I roasted marshmallows in when I was 5 years old. That weekend meant a lot to me.

So I think I did alright.

2015! A YEAR IN REVIEW

Its that time again!

we are, another new year. It feels a little lack luster right now, but at the same time - I don’t mind. I feel kind of, at peace, I suppose! Content. And I think that is okay! The New Year right now, doesn’t seem all that scary and it doesn’t need to be a BIG SHA-BANG! I feel peaceful and happy and I’m going to roll with it! Also to be noted - I have to say I really thought my new years kiss was so sweet and tender, and maybe thats why I feel this way! I’ll take it. Anyways - what can I knock off my list of things to do in 2015, what did I achieve?

THINGS TO DO IN 2015?

- Be kinder. Do things more selflessly. Do things for people without expectations of getting anything in return. (I’m going to say I was about 60/40 on this one. I think I definitely took strides, but its hard when you begin to feel used. We’ll work on this one.)

- Concentrate on what is RIGHT or what is GOING RIGHT. In life, in my job, career path, etc. (Yes - I think I did this to the best of my ability! Love my job, my home, my friends, etc.)

- Complain less. About everything/anything. (No - definitely need to work on this.)

- Eat clean, whole foods. Less salt, less sugar, less fat. Eat whole ingredients and whole foods. (YEA YEAAH)

- Love more, accept more. (hmmm I’d say.)

- Paint more. (Nay, Nay)

- Sew something wearable. Sew another quilt (#4) (Sewed two more quilts, need to up the game on the SS Fashion Line for 2016)

- Make the best out of any bad situations. (I’d say.)

- Fitness. Find some way to correct my knee problem and work on being the fittest I can be. (Knee is still fucked. Body is reasonably fit. Feeling pretty good!)

- Get on the supply list. (Nay Nay - I think my career path may take a slight sliiiight detour.)

What would I like to achieve in 2016!?

- Sew something new. Clothing. T-shirts. Dresses. Anything.

- Be kind for pete’s sake! Drop the attitude.

- Be more accepting of others and everyone’s little imperfections!

- Complain less. Appreciate more.

- Work out more. It wasn’t until I hurt my knee that I realized there are other things you can do with your body that are (almost) as challenging and as rewarding as running.

- Get them abs. I want to see and earn my muscle tone and definition.

- Travel somewhere new.

- Grow something new and edible. Grow more edible things!

- Drink more water.

- Cook new things and try new foods!!! I love food.

- Love more.

- Beat this awful and miserable fear of flying.

Well.. I’ll continue coasting for now on my wave. Work is good and could open up some doors to a career detour. Love is good. My man human is amazing and as sweet as sugar. I saw a few new places this past year. Met a few new people. Made a few new things. Close friends got closer. My family is amazing and they love me so much - and I am so grateful for that. Missing some old friends, gained a few new ones. And I’m not sure what else to say - so on that note! Peace out 2015, its been a pizza-slice.

2014 - well, well, well, we’ve come to an end.

Am I sad to see you go? No, not really. You gave me a lot of great opportunities a TON of new experiences. You’ve given me a lot of exceptional moments, good times, good friends and good memories. I’ve become a lot closer with some of my favourite people and shared a lot of cool memories. Could we improve for next year however? Of course.

So what did I accomplish from my MUST DO list of 2014?

WELL - lets see…

2014

-Get on the supply list (I’ve supply taught, but I’m not on the list JUST yet..)

-Cook more natural foods (YEA GIRL YEA)

-Read more books (#1 on the list, Wheat Belly) (I think I read 3, but that might be a record?)

-Continue running (and working on my self) (My knee is busted, so no… )

-Help people more - without the expectation of anything in return (Check.)

-Meet more people (Check)

-Play more music, write more music, play more shows (nope)

-Paint, quilt, sew - be more creative (painted and sewed another quilt)

-Love more, accept more, understand give & take more (Check.)

Not too bad. I feel like I’m in a good place. I’m content and believe I’m on a path of success. My job is good, and my co-workers are fun and keep me motivated. The kids I get to hang out with make me laugh and challenge me every day. I’m always learning how to plan better, how to be more patient, be more engaging and to listen and communicate. Kids are weird, but the hilarious stuff I hear them say always makes each day bareable when all I wanna do it be a lazy pile on the couch.

My best friends are amazing. My favourite human is amazing and he lifts me up and lets me depend on him for anything, and I know he’ll still accept me with open arms at the end of the day no matter what. Life is good and for now, I’ll just keep rolling along into the new year. I’m pretty interested to see what its going to hold for me.

THINGS TO DO IN 2015?

- Be kinder. Do things more selflessly. Do things for people without expectations of getting anything in return.

- Concentrate on what is RIGHT or what is GOING RIGHT. In life, in my job, career path, etc.

- Complain less. About everything/anything.

- Eat clean, whole foods. Less salt, less sugar, less fat. Eat whole ingredients and whole foods.

- Love more, accept more.

- Paint more.

- Sew something wearable. Sew another quilt (#4)

- Make the best out of any bad situations.

- Fitness. Find some way to correct my knee problem and work on being the fittest I can be.

- Get on the supply list.

2014

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

So what do I need to accomplish in 2014…

-Get on the supply list (I’ve supply taught, but I’m not on the list JUST yet..)

-Cook more natural foods (YEA GIRL YEA)

-Read more books (#1 on the list, Wheat Belly) (I think I read 3, but that might be a record?)

-Continue running (and working on my self) (My knee is busted, so no… )

-Help people more - without the expectation of anything in return (Check.)

-Meet more people (Check)

-Play more music, write more music, play more shows (nope)

-Paint, quilt, sew - be more creative (painted and sewed another quilt)

-Love more, accept more, understand give & take more (Check.)

2013

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

I’ve been working on my list of New Years Resolutions and things to accomplish in 2013.

Here goes…

*Get a job in my feild - or at the very least take a leap in the right direction. (CHECK. *pats self on back*)

*Paint more. (Does water colour count?)

*Run more. (Check.)

*Meet new people - whether through the internet, group meet-ups, through other friends or mentors, just meet people. (favourite new friends of 2013 awards coming soon.)

*Continue my clean eating quest. The more natural the better. (December has been rough on that front - but the rest of the year has been top notch)

*Buy less. Narrow down my possessions. (I am a notorious self proclaimed “thing-hater”. If I can do without it, I will find away to make due without it.)

*Run a half marathon - which may require me to buy new running shoes. (Didn’t happen… but I did go through 3 months of physiotherapy and therapy-ed my self back to running again)

*Volunteer at Ottawa School of Art - again. (CHECK.)

*Grow plants or vegetables. (Two live plants, thriving in my apartment presently. Tomatoes next?)

*Maintain my pledge to never work another Christmas in retail. (SUCCESS! I spent boxing day laying on my couch. Win win win!)

2012

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

Things to do in 2012…

*Tattoo (before Sept. 11th). (Didn’t happen.)

*Record that EP I’ve been meaning to record. (Didn’t happen.)

*Make a [shitty] music video. (Didn’t happen.)

*Sell some art work. (Check!)

*Finish my quilt. (Double check!)

*Paint more. (Check!)

*Find a shitty job to get me through the winter and then a sweet job for later. (Hmmm - well I didn’t work a lick last winter, but I managed to get an assistant manager position in a shitty shit shoe store selling over priced leather shoes to annoying Europeans.)

*Cook more diverse and delicious food. (Duh, check! Clean eating!)

*Drink more wine. (Check, obviously.)

*Visit Alex in Berlin. (Didn’t happen.)

*Be more spontaneous. (Check. Summer of YES happened.)

*Be a lady. (Hmm, Summer of YES may have gotten in the way of that.)

*Be more creative. (Somewhat check?)

*Design and sew a piece of wearable clothing. (Didn’t happen.)

So not so bad! It could of been worse. So what did I do this year?

*Got my second degree.

*Had my first solo art show and sold art work.

*Wrote A LOT of music. Basically an entire new catalog of songs.

*Moved out of my long time apartment on Somerset and made some big changes in my life.

*Started running, trained for a 10km, ran a 10km run.

*Moved from Somerset to High Street to Lisgar to Frank to Lisgar.

*Summer of YES.

*Endured the most difficult and traumatic ordeal I’ve ever experienced in my life to date. Which has effected me long term mentally and physically.

*Rode a motorcycle for the first time. Many times. Best time - to the top of Champlain Lookout in Gatineau

[jeremystrele]

Flinders and Surrounds with Eve Wilson

Flinders and Surrounds with Eve Wilson

Travel

Eve Wilson

Our Flinders and surrounds tour guide, photographer Eve Wilson, pictured at the Flinders’ foreshore. Photo – courtesy of Eve Wilson.

My parents moved to Flinders in the 70s, seeking a quiet beach-side lifestyle. My Dad went on to open a surf shop, Balin, with friends, and my Mum worked at the local school camp. It was a pretty idyllic place to grow up; we really felt like we had the run of the town, exploring the creeks, beaches and paddocks on a regular basis. It was a tiny town in the 80s, and only a handful of kids were around the same age as me, so we were all friends and spent weekends riding from one house to the other. We’d pick blackberries in summer and sell them to the local restaurant, then spend the earnings on lollies at the general store!

Nowadays, I try and get down to Flinders as often as possible. My family are still there, and now that I am living in the inner city, that’s where I go when I feel that I need to get some country air and slow down every once in a while. I also want to give my daughter the opportunity to enjoy the country, go to the beach and just get dirty!

I am sure that time slows down to at least half-speed as soon as you pass Red Hill, and I always feel instantly relaxed as soon as we arrive in Flinders. You can get a bit of everything here – amazing local food and wine, rolling hills, beautiful beaches – all within a few kilometres.

This time of year, I’m alway stopping for big tubs of cherries at Red Hill Cherry Farm (or a close second: strawberries and the strawberry ice cream from Sunnyridge Strawberry Farm) en route. Of non-edible pickings, there’s also garden blooms from the Main Ridge Rose Farm. Of course, you can’t beat summer snorkelling at the Flinders Back Beach, and at low tide you’re almost always guaranteed to see a stingray, and also get a chance to walk out on the rocks at mushroom reef. Showing my daughter the crabs and sea life that I used to hunt for as a child here is pretty special. In autumn, the wineries are beautiful, with the vines all yellow and red, plus it’s not too hot nor cold to be sitting outside and enjoying a glass (or two). Even in winter, the area has its charms. We often take the dog on walks along the dog beach, then it’s home to sit by the cosy fire. Although it can get a lot busier than it used to be, Flinders still manages to feel small and remote most of the time.

I love the memories that each place holds for me and while shooting this story, I had the chance to have lovely conversations with new and old friends. These chats always led back to a connection with my family, friends and my husband – it’s such a nice community and everyone is connected in some way. Ahhh… it really tugged at my heart strings, pulling me back. Maybe one day!

Inside Cook & Norman Trattoria in Flinders. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Eve’s order at the trattoria: Scallop Risi e Bisi. Photo – Eve Wilson.

The owners, Rowan (also the head chef) and Janine, are lovely and it’s a friendly place to have dinner. Photo – Eve Wilson.

EATERY • Cook & Norman Trattoria

The building that houses this amazing restaurant has a history for me, although from before I was even born. My Dad and his business partner operated their surf shop, Balin, from here in the 70s!

Flinders is a bit of a sleepy town in terms of night-life, and new restaurants don’t pop up very often so it’s nice to see a something like Cook & Norman settle in. The owners, Rowan (also the head chef) and Janine, are lovely and it’s a friendly place to have dinner. The pasta here is always great, and on my recent visit I sampled the Scallop Risi e Bisi (rice with peas), which is a traditional dish of Veneto, the region from which Janine’s family hails – it’s a must-try!

These guys also run an adjoining café, Sirollena, which is open on weekends and has the best pastries and cakes, all made in-house. I’ll always find a way to get something sweet there when I’m in town.

1/52 Cook St, Flinders VIC 3929 Closed Mondays and Tuesdays

The gardens at Montalto Vineyard and Olive Grove. Photo – Eve Wilson.

A quiet spot at Montalto vineyard. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Montalto Picnic and Sculpture Garden. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Montalto Picnic and Sculpture Garden. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Montalto Picnic and Sculpture Garden. Photo – Eve Wilson.

 EXPERIENCE • Montalto Vineyard and Olive Grove

I have been enjoying Montalto for years. This usually includes sitting out in the piazza with friends and a few bottles of wine, enjoying the vegetable garden and views of the wonderful sculpture gardens.

They also offer beautiful picnics, and have gorgeous tables overlooking different parts of the winery. Stop buy the cellar door to grab a bottle of wine and wander through the sculptures to your secluded table!

33 Red Hill-Shoreham Rd, Red Hill South VIC 3937

Merricks General Wine Store. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Merricks General Wine Store. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Merricks General Wine Store. Photo – Eve Wilson.

 COFFEE • Merricks General Wine Store

I really like that The Merricks General Wine Store still reminds me of the original general store. My favourite things about this place would have to be the little coffee window and the attached gallery, showcasing local and Australian artists. There’s always something on, from Mirka Mora to local Peninsula artists.

When I was visiting they had an exhibition by a young local artists Baden Croft and Jess Milne. Baden’s large, textured oil paintings really caught my eye.

In summer, it’s so nice to sit amongst the big trees and green vines. I’m mainly there for the coffee!! But the food is also lovely, as are all the staff.

3460 Frankston-Flinders Rd, Merricks VIC 3916

Doot Doot Doot restaurant with it’s jaw-dropping 10,000 globe chandelier, at Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

The view from the vineyard-facing rooms at Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

On the terrace at Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

The Vineyard room at Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

The incredible grounds of Jackalope Hotel. Photo – Eve Wilson.

STAY • Jackalope Hotel

Jackalope is the perfect luxury getaway. My husband Jonny and I got married here in 2010, when it was Willow Creek Winery, so coming back was a real treat. It’s changed a lot, but it still has the old charm that we loved.

The interiors are spectacular (especially THAT expansive chandelier in the restaurant, Doot Doot Doot) and the renovated homestead now hosts the bar, which is a great touch.

I also love the fact that if you didn’t want to, you’d have no need to leave while staying here; from your room to a drink at the bar then dinner at Doot Doot Doot, it’s the total package.

I recommend running the giant Japanese bath half way through your meal (it takes 45mins), so that it’s ready when you get back to your room. The bath salts are even scented with grapes from the vineyard!

If you do decide to take a drive down the road, you’ve got an abundance of wineries, beaches and cafes close by to enjoy.

166 Balnarring Rd, Merricks North VIC 3926

Michael ‘Harry’ Harris sells mussels at Flinders Pier. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Mussels at Flinders Pier. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Mussels at Flinders Pier. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Mussels at Flinders Pier. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Mussels at Flinders Pier. Photo – Eve Wilson.

SAMPLE • Mussels at Flinders Pier

Michael ‘Harry’ Harris has been around for as long as I can remember; my Dad had a mussel plot that Harry tended to for a long time. He supplies many of the great restaurants on the Peninsula, but best of all, he’s at the Flinders Pier every summer selling mussels straight from his boat. You can’t get much fresher than that! Pop down to the pier for a snorkel or to jump off it, then take home some fresh mussels for dinner.

These days you can get them, cooked by the man himself, from his mussel truck Conchilla, which operates from the carpark at the end of the pier in the summer months. There’s no need for getting your hands dirty!

The Esplanade, Flinders VIC 3929

Bushranger’s Bay Walk. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Bushranger’s Bay Walk. Photo – Eve Wilson.

Bushranger’s Bay Walk. Photo – Eve Wilson.

 ACTIVITY • Bushranger’s Bay Walk

A spectacular walk to hidden landscape gems, this is my 2nd favourite spot along the area’s coast line (the first I’m sorry I’m not allowed to share).

You start inland and walk along a tea tree-lined path and then, before long, that coastal views open up and the bay is right beneath you! It’s the perfect mix between green, rolling hills and wild, ocean views.

From Cape Schanck to Flinders, there are stunning rugged cliffs and small beaches, some of which are only rocks. It’s wild and not really the best swimming destination, which means it doesn’t get over-crowded, even in summer – making for a very peaceful walk. A stroll along the edge of the tide line can reveal lots of washed up treasures, like sea urchin shells, shark eggs and ever cowrie shells if you’re lucky. *All just for looking at, please don’t remove them from the beach*

The best time to go is at sunrise in summer, it’s early, but you’re well and truly rewarded with a cool walk, dappled light and lots of wild life – kangaroos cross the track every morning and evening so you very likely to meet a few along the way!

Cape Schanck Lighthouse, 20 Cape Schanck Rd, Cape Schanck, 3939.

[3one3]

The Sequel - 860

Whole Grain Tortilla Chips

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

André drove straight to the barn after training on Monday to see Christina- no parking the car in the garage and walking over, no checking the house first. Tom pointed him out back where Christina and Lukas were grazing their ponies under the watchful eyes of two terriers. She had Dirk, of course, and he had Optimus. Isandro cut one of the leadropes in half and re-tied the end so that Lukas could have a kid and miniature horse-sized lead to hold and thus be less likely to trip over it or let the pony step on it. In addition to his custom leadrope and his chestnut and white paint pony, he had his mom’s Olympic medals. And he was disappointed that she got the first hug from Dad and that when Dad finally bent down to greet him he mostly just wanted to steal his hardware.

“I’m so proud of you, Prinzessin,” André told his girl for the 100th time while marveling at the two medals and their neck ribbons. Lukas was tearing grass up from the ground and throwing it at him. He didn’t notice.

“You know what? I’m proud of me too,” Christina laughed. “But I’m proud of D Money more. Look at him. He has no idea what he did. He knows he won some stuff and had a good time in front of a lot of people but he has no idea how important it was. Where is his gold medal glow? I have the gold medal glow. He’s not glowing. He’s just his regular old self.” As if he knew he was being talked about, the shiny black Holsteiner lifted his head from the grass to double-check André for food. His rider already fed him a soft pretzel from the airport and the greens from an entire bunch of carrots.

“All in a day’s work for the King of the Farm. Did you ride?” The player looked her up and down. She was in cotton shorts and a v-neck, so he was leaning toward she didn’t ride.

“No. I was thinking about hacking everybody but then I was also thinking about the size of my ankle.” His wife lifted and twisted her leg to show him the purple, swollen blob sticking up out of the back of her black and pink running shoes. “I promised Lulu Schü we could go swimming after this instead. I got him inflatable sushi.”

“What?”

“A pool float that looks like a piece of sushi.”

“That’s your souvenir for him?”

“I mean, I let him wear the medals...”

André looked at Lukas and told him that his mom totally jipped him on presents. She was supposed to bring him a good gift whenever she went away and left him at home. Her defense was that she was quite busy in Tokyo, hence the medals. The little boy wanted those back too. Christina was in awe of his recognition that they were something special. She didn’t really understand how he could know that. He was eager to be close to her and do things with her from the moment she got in the car at the airport, but he didn’t seem excited like he’d missed her desperately and didn’t know where she’d been all that time, and that continued to hurt her. Spencer and Lucky were hysterical about her homecoming. Olympic medals and living dreams were great, but the cost felt awfully high every time it was made clear to her that her son was entirely accustomed to her not being around. She kept telling herself that was one of the main reasons she was taking off until almost October, and she let herself believe she felt better. It was a lot like the way she let herself believe she was such a gift to Juan that the sex they had on Sunday night and the texts and talks she’d have with him on the phone from then until their next visit would hold him over and make the time apart worth it. In her heart, Christina recognized that neither thing was true.

“Do you want to go swimming with us? I need somebody to catch him when I throw him.”

“Definitely. How much longer does Dirk have salad bar privileges?”

“He’s had enough. He gets all-night salad bar later. I just wanted to hang with him and make sure he recovered okay from the flight.”

André knew Christina knew Dirk was fine. He knew she just wanted to be around the partner in her dream adventure. She woke up in the middle of the night after the team final and took a taxi to the horse show and slept in his stall for 4 hours on a dress sheet and a pile of saddle pads. He almost pooped on her. André didn’t want to do anything that could be construed as trying to drag her away from Dirk. It didn’t seem like she wanted more time with the horse just then though. In fact, she seemed way more interested in the swimming. Her eyes were all “Can we go? Can we go?” He gave her the welcome home kiss he should have done when he first hugged her, and then helped Lukas and Optimus follow her and Dirk back inside.

They had tons of fun in the pool. Their son was pretty good in the water with his “wingies”, and his favorite pool activity was being tossed from one parent to the other and allowed to fall into the water a bit before the next launch. He also enjoyed lying on his stomach on one of the floats with his face hanging over the side and being pushed around, especially when he was pushed close enough to the edge that one of the dogs could jump on it with him. Christina made a new game that was sure to be the new favorite thing. She got on the blow-up sushi with him and two foam pool noodles, and André commanded the pink flamingo float with a matching weapon. They engaged in a kind of naval sword fight for idiots. It was hard to navigate on the floats with only their hands and feet to use as paddles. Lukas took on the role of coxswain. He just told his mom where he wanted to go, and that he wanted to get there faster, and then tried as hard as he could to beat his dad with the noodle. This was of course exhausting for two-thirds of the family, who then wanted to watch a movie in the basement and take a nap. Mother and child passed out on the beanbag before Dad could even deliver their apple juice. He took a seat and alternated between watching 101 Dalmatians and watching them sleep, all the while wanting to lay with them and snuggle too.

After naptime Lukas was wide awake and ready to do something. André thought he would play with his toys and Christina could start the Olympics storytelling, preferably in his lap or something. But she wanted to go to the grocery store and get “stuff for lots of cooking projects”. So they piled into the Range Rover and headed to the store, without a list, because she had no idea what those projects would be. They had to browse the whole store, and backtrack a lot as she came up with dishes on the fly. Her husband hated that. He hated lingering in the grocery store unless it was his idea. Usually he just wanted to get in and out and be done with it.

Then they got home and it was time to make dinner. There was a complicated Greek roasted broccoli pasta salad to put together with lemon, garlic, rosemary and feta as the base flavors to go with grilled lamb cubes cooked on long rosemary twigs. André volunteered to help just so that they could do something together, again hoping that the Tokyo debrief was coming. His wife just talked to herself a lot, about what she was doing. There was no recipe to follow. She was making it up as she went, based on what she made up in her head in the store. Roasting, chopping, stirring, grilling, and tossing all seemed to have to happen at the same time. There was no time for talking. When they finally sat down to eat, Christina only wanted to talk to Lukas.

Soon after dinner came the little boy’s bedtime routine. He got a quick bath, a long story from a book, and then an extensive tucking-in with his pony and his blanket and his football pillow. André was sure he was getting story time after that. He was sure Christina was going to come downstairs and curl up on or next to him and pour out her heart and her soul for him to collect and cherish. But she got in the shower instead, leaving him to wonder what was up with her.

All day it’s like she’s an island, he thought in front of the TV. It’s not like when she’s upset about something and totally retreats into herself and is oblivious or disinterested in the world around her, because she’s happy to interact with Mausi. And I get that she missed him and she feels bad about going away so she wants to make up for it by giving him lots of attention. But why isn’t she hanging on me? Where are all the kisses? How has she not tried to sleep on me yet? And yeah, all right, I’m sure she had to talk about the Games a million times already, but she can’t be over it already! How is she not bursting at the seams to talk to me about it? The BVB Bee leaned on his elbow on a side cushion and stared at the wall next to the screen. Christina hadn’t been cold to him at any point during the afternoon. She didn’t ignore him at all. She didn’t even overlook him by accident. She just wasn’t “right” to him. She wasn’t how he expected her to be, or how he wanted for that matter. There was an affection deficit. He decided she might be more inclined to get cozy and share her experience again from start to finish if he could get her into bed after the shower instead of letting her come downstairs where there were more distractions.

“Babe? Is that you?” she called from inside the bathroom when she heard the TV in the bedroom. The door between the two was half open.

“No, it’s a burglar,” André yelled back. She padded out in a tiny black wifebeater and even tinier plain white underwear, and her skin was all shiny, including her stomach between the two other things. He patted the mattress next to him.

“I can’t sit yet. Lotion. Is it bedtime already?” Christina asked skeptically on her way to the table next to her spot to check her phone.

“No, it’s cuddle and spoon and talk to me time.”

“Aww.” A little smile opened up her shimmery face for a second, but she didn’t look inclined to get in the bed. She also didn’t smirk or turn up her nose like she intended to make a joke of playing hard to get. Her partner lost his cool.

“Did you spend your whole stop in London in bed with him and now you’re good, no need to be close?” he snapped, unable to stop himself even though he knew he was doing something stupid.

“I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” With a disbelieving and almost pitying headshake, the teasingly sexy girl retreated to the bathroom to take her hair out the clips, towel-dry it a bit more, and comb it out with her fingers. André watched her butt as she went. It looked amazing in the stretchy white fabric, and her legs always looked extra good when they were shiny from wetness, tanning oil, moisturizer, recent waxing, or whatever reason. Glistening, tan skin was to him what a shiny, ripe apple was to Dirk. He got up and followed her. He went in and sat right at her vanity and caught her in his arms, tugged her close, and kissed her hip where it stuck out a bit in that bare zone between top and bottom.

“I’m so tired of saying to you “I’m sorry, I just...”. So I’m not going to,” the German told her when she looked at down at him quizzically. She was trying to hold her towel up off his head.

“K...” “I’m sorry, I just hate that you love someone else too.” He should just say that and stop pretending it’s all okay, and necessary, and fine, and the cost of doing business, Christina grumbled to herself. And I should stop pretending I believe him. We’re right back where we were. I’m doing something I know hurts him, and I’m going to have to go back to wondering why it is that I’m willing to do that, and the obvious answer is that I must love Juan more. Right back to last winter.

“Are you going to tell me all about Tokyo?” André held her waist and massaged her sides with his thumbs. What he really wanted to do was kiss her hip some more, and her tummy, but she didn’t taste very good. Coconut and lime scent didn’t translate to coconut and lime flavor.

“I can’t tell if you actually want me to talk about Tokyo or you really want to have sex but think I’ll be mad or turned off if you just say that so you’re trying to ease into it.”

“Okay, let me just say, today is not going how I wanted.” He slumped on her little seat, pushed his head into her cleavage, and let out a long sigh. She dropped the towel on the floor. “I thought you were going to come home desperate to sit and talk all about Tokyo, and kiss, and pet, and spoon, and rub your face on me. That kind of stuff. Like usual. But more, because this wasn’t just any horse show.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Oh?”

“That’s it?”

“Juan licked my butt last night and I liked it.”

“...and?”

“Like, up in there.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“All right.”

“Stop making that extra-confused face at me. I’m trying to make you laugh, or get you to make fun of me, or do just about anything except what you’re doing.”

“So he didn’t lick your butt?” André squinted at Christina and tried to figure out what exactly was happening. She seemed upset with him at first, probably because of what he said in the other room about Juan, but then she looked like the confused one to him when he brought up Tokyo, and then it was as if she didn’t even care that he wanted to hear her story and hold her body or something. Then the butt thing came out and he had no idea what to make of it.

“No, he did,” she nodded, eyes big. “Totally without warning, so I was like “Hey what are you even-“ but it’s actually really...nice?” she finished with a distinct cringe.

“Why are you telling me this?” His right eye continued to squint, but the left opened up with his lifted brow. “Do you want me to-“

“No, no! Not unless you want to...I was just- Like I just said, I was trying to make you laugh or something. I thought you’d laugh and make fun of me, or say it’s gross. I just wanted you to stop looking at me like I’m such a disappointment. To be fair, now that I think back, I probably could have picked something else to say, because now you’re probably just disappointed in me even more for letting him-“ The rider shut her mouth when her still very confused and still very sun-bleached husband waved and shook his hands violently and without design right in her face. He then clapped them to her cheeks and pushed them together until she started to look like a fish.

“Shh. This is the dumbest conversation. I wasn’t disappointed in you. I was disappointed that you didn’t get to the Tokyo story yet. I’m not disappointed about the...butt thing, either. It’s not gross. I would do that for you if you asked. And if you just had a shower. Like now.” André’s head tilted a bit to the right as he half-shrugged, more to himself than to her. He blinked a couple of times before continuing. Christina couldn’t respond because he was still squishing her face. “I don’t think I really care that you try things with him. It’s not like you asked him and not me. Chris,” he sighed, letting her go. “You know it’s really hard for me when we’re apart a lot. I feel differently about you with him. I don’t want to hear about it.”

“You brought it-“

“I know. I shouldn’t have. Can we just move on, please?”

“Okay just tell me what you want me to do right now and I’ll do it, ‘cause I’m confused and you look unhappy.”

“I want you to sit on me and tell me about the fucking Olympics while you eat a bowl of fruit or whole grain tortilla chips.”

“Mkay,” the skeptical girl replied, kind of giggling. “That’s pretty specific, babe...”

“Yeah, and?”

“Nothing.”

“What, it’s not manly for a guy to have a specific snuggle and snack fantasy? I can’t have that?”

“You’re such an idiot,” she laughed at the player suffering faux grievance and scowling at her from her own padded stool. “Also I’m really not hungry. Do I have to eat? Is that the only way you’ll be satisfied?”

“Fine.” André rolled his eyes and then, without the anguish and frustration to distract him, noticed that her nipples were pointy under her thin tank. I wonder if she’s cold or if she’s turned on thinking about having a tongue all over her asshole. He opened his mouth wide and acted like he was going to chomp down on her breast, but just closed his teeth gently on her left nipple. His wife fluffed his hair at the top because she didn’t really have anything else to do or say that wouldn’t sound like complaining. He was watching her, and it made her feel weird because she couldn’t tell what he wanted- if he was being playful and silly or if he was making a sexual advance. Any inability to read him always worried her. Christina firmly believed that they should know each other’s heart, head, and condition at all times, and that it was a sign of trouble or unsuitability if they couldn’t. There was relief when he let go of her breast and stood up to smooch her cheek. “I’ll put the house to bed. You put you to bed. Then you talk.”

She inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled through a big yawn after André walked out. There was a lot on her mind, all day really, but she was fairly successful in simply blocking it out to focus on other things instead, like Lukas, and Dirk, and the dogs, and the other horses, and stocking the pantry, and doing laundry, and her husband. She wanted to focus on those things anyway, not just avoid the Juan hangover. When she got under her soft and welcoming and most favorite navy comforter, however, she couldn’t resist grabbing her phone and taking a quick, restorative look at a selfie with the Spaniard from that morning, before either of them even got up to pee. They were kissing in the photo. He was sitting up a little on his back, and she was on her side next to him, requiring that he lean her way. Christina thought that made his right shoulder look unbelievably sexy, though she couldn’t explain that even to herself. It just looked good and drew her eye. Her own eyelashes pleased her too, and so did the kiss itself. To her, their lips looked good together. They kissed well, like actors or models under the careful direction of a professional behind the camera. Her ability to capture such an appetizing moment in such an appealing way impressed her. Above all else, the well-composed selfie made her long for the Chelsea man. That feeling had nothing to do with André. She didn’t consider it a reaction to him or their strange, strained interaction of the previous few minutes. It was just the picture. She swiped up to close the camera roll before it could affect her any further.

“I brought you some of the chips just in case,” the German footballer shrugged when he returned. The whole wheat tortilla chips were a revelation. They found them in a display of new products near the front of the supermarket. Christina took one look at the fiber-to-carb ratio and tossed two bags in the cart. They also happened to be a low sodium food, and she was always worried about salt. She also bought a variety of ingredients to make her own salsas and dips with which to eat them. André held the wooden bowl in front of her face before he got into the bed beside her, and she sampled one just to see if they tasted like cardboard.

“It’s pretty good. I don’t know if I’d want to eat many of them plain. They’d made good nachos too, I guess. I’m really not hungry though, babe. I already brushed my teeth.”

“I gave one each to the dogs instead of their bedtime treats.”

“Did they like them?”

“Have they ever eaten anything they didn’t like?”

“Fair.”

“I’m ready to hear about Tokyo.” The audience got very comfortable on his side with one large and one regular pillow for his shoulder and head, and one regular pillow between his knees. He wanted his girl to stay on her back but get closer, so he could touch any part of her that might suddenly require touching, but she was sitting up against her own pile of satin pillows. And she was wincing to herself. “Does your ankle still hurt? I thought you were going to take something.”

“I did. It’s fine. I don’t want to disappoint you, boyfriend, but I don’t have the grand story in me right now,” the gold medalist explained while picking at a nonexistent imperfection in the skin of her right thigh. “I feel like the story is getting really lame and boring because I keep telling it, and the Sky Sports people are gonna be here tomorrow to do their interview. I would love to talk for a while though,” she added, her tone a mix of hopeful and concerned, because she was trying to rescue the situation before it fell apart. “Can I tell you about what I’m thinking for the immediate future instead? I haven’t talked to anyone about that yet and I need your input, obviously.”

“All right.” I looked and sound dejected because I feel dejected, André thought. I can’t help that. I can’t spare her that. I wanted the story and she went to London and told Juan and his whole family and Natasha and everybody and now there isn’t enough copies left for me. That’s such bullshit.

“You know I’m going to get the feels and be compelled to start telling you all about it at some point anyway.” His girl tried to get rid of that obvious dejection. It hurt her. It was frustrating to go away and conquer her demons and her fears to live a dream and then come home and be confronted with the feeling that even that wasn’t enough- that her great success couldn’t save her from disappointing someone even just days later. “Wouldn’t you rather have the organic, uncontrollable volcano version?”

“Sure.”

“I’m planning to be home for three weeks, firstly. And when I say “home”, I mean really be here. I’m going to take it easy with the horses and with the kids. Stef’s horses especially really need a little break, and since I’m not showing and the guys aren’t spread so thin, I’m going to ask Holger if Kyle can go stay with him for a week or something and ride all of his horses and have lessons every day and stuff. He deserves that. I haven’t had time to give him the attention this summer. It would be great for him, and it means fewer lessons for me to fit in for a bit. I’ll send Cartagena there with him, so that’s one less horse for me too, and Dirk is getting two weeks off completely. I want to give my body a small break too. So my point is...I’m going to try to spend more time with you and the Munchkin. I want to go on daytrips to other towns when you’re free, or take the train somewhere. I want to go to all the matches, and I’ll try to make nice with the other girls so we get invited to stuff.”

“Okay. I like the sound of all of that,” he nodded after listening and absorbing, but mostly watching. Sometimes Christina listed her aspirations and it was obvious that she was committed to making them reality. Sometimes he could see in her face that she was just going through the motions, or didn’t care enough about the things on her list to make them happen, or was in denial about her ability to do it. In short, he watched for her tells so he knew if she believed in and cared about what she was saying, or if she was just trying to please him. “But you always follow “I’m going to be home with you for three straight weeks!” with “And then I’m going to 12 horse shows”.”

“I’m going to Rome for 5 days after the three weeks, and I hope you can come for at least one night. Rafa and Mel are going to be there, so I thought maybe your parents could come too, like a family thing. It’s a Tour event and I don’t really need the points, so I’m not that worried about it. I just need to take Nick or Rio to something around then so that they’re in shape for the Nations Cup final a couple of weeks after. I have to decide which one to take. After the Nations Cup I have the Tour final in Doha in the second week of November. I don’t think I’m going to show after that until Christmas in London. Just four shows from now until the end of the year. I might go with the kids to some local-ish stuff, but that’s not a big deal. Does that sound okay?” Christina looked up from her thigh to see how her proposed schedule was received.

“It sounds great if your plan is based on what you want. It sounds like a nightmare for all of us if you’re staying home because you think you have to, or you owe me.” I’ve seen this film before. She thinks I want her to stay home more so she tries, goes crazy because she’d rather be away competing, goes extra crazy because she resents me for it but won’t admit it, and then has some kind of major breakdown. It’s better to just let her do what she wants, André reasoned. I’m more interested in what travel she’s going to do OTHER than horse shows, he added, giving voice in his head at least to the issue that was really bothering him. How many times is she going to need to “pop over to London” for a haircut or nice tea or something, or go to his beach house for two nights, or take a mini-holiday on the boat with him?

“Babe, I’m just tired.” Christina inched down her pillows and wriggled around to find a comfortable spot in a move illustrative of her words. “This is the first time in 6 years that there’s no carrot on a stick in front of my face. I’m off the mouse wheel, finally. I want a rest. I need one. And I need to figure out what the next carrot is, or I won’t ride as well or try as hard. I don’t want to sit around and try to pick a new goal. It has to come to me. In the mean time, while I wait, I want to enjoy other things. I want to get Lukas out of diapers. I want to be in this house longer than new Trump administration hires last in the White House,” she chuckled. “Maybe I’ll get bored in a month and want to go do something, but for now, that’s my plan. Four events.”

“Uhhuh, and how many trips to see Juan?” Her partner tried to sound like he was just knowingly teasing. His effort didn’t really cover up that he genuinely wanted to know the answer. Also, her stomach looked like it needed touching, so he took care of that.

“I don’t know. I’m not planning that. I did agree to go to London for Nat’s birthday in October and I might stay with him that night since she’ll have family at her house, but I haven’t planned other than that.” The rider couldn’t say she hadn’t thought about it, because she had. She hoped being home with her blondes and her horses would be so nice, and fun, and satisfying that she wouldn’t constantly want to go see Juan.

“Okay. Does this mean no World Cup next year, or are the qualifiers pushed back because of the Olympics or something?”

“I don’t know. I kind of want to take Dirk, and give him another shot at an individual gold medal, but I also kind of want to let him take it easy for a while. I could probably still qualify even without doing the ones in this calendar year. We’ll see. I don’t have strong feelings about any next target, which is nice, but also kind of...disorienting. Does that make sense?” Christina looked over at her tummy masseur and scrunched her lips all the way to one side.

“Of course. It’s normal to be off kilter when you achieve the goal that was dictating so much of your life for so long. It leaves a vacuum.”

“Heiner said I’m going to get even better now because I’m the United States after two World Wars,” she laughed, finally flashing the kind of dazzling smile her husband was waiting for and expecting to come as part of her Tokyo tale. “You know how everyone who came back from the war was able to get a job because everything that wasn’t part of the military industrial complex was basically put on pause and needed to be restarted, and they all got houses with the G.I. Bill, and families were growing and stuff? The economic rebuild was better in America because we didn’t have to physically rebuild. Our cities didn’t get flattened by German bombs. I told him that the last 6 years have been the same as getting carpet bombed though! I definitely suffered. I mean, we lost tons of people, and Pearl Harbor and everything, so it wasn’t like the US didn’t have repairs to make too, but I think my experience is more akin to what Europe experienced. Actually, I think I’m Germany, because I brought it all on myself. I put myself through war. But I won. I didn’t destroy everything I love and then make those closest to me commit suicide with me. We got close, maybe. But I won.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Ask me in 6 months. I can’t know now. I think probably yes. I’ve always said Dirk is a team horse and that team legacy mattered most. Buuuuuut...I already want to punch something whenever I think about how he won’t ever have the individual gold.”

“Don’t forget that you have a very cute little horse at Holger’s that could one day add an individual gold, or maybe even several, to Dirk’s legacy.”

“Not the same though.”

“You’ll find something that brings back your passion, Prinzessin. Maybe it will be with the horses, or maybe it won’t.”