#welp now it needs a tag
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would you hold my face softly and tell me it will be alright?
#genshin impact#scaramouche#wanderer#furina#in my head they are already domesticated#very much in a romantic sense#i don’t see why people need to comment besties/siblings so badly#rant time#like you don’t need to ship them but this is my art and i very much ship it#so if you don’t see them that way you can interpret my art that way and go on your merry way#at this point it’s just annoying bc i could never imagine someone commenting siblings on my yantao art#i don’t mind if you see them as best friends i can also see them like that#but you don’t need to announce it#as if your integrity is in danger#im sad i can’t tag the ship bc it’s a rarepair and i’m not sure what the name even is#welp if anyone read this you can totally forget about it now i'm over it#sad scararina hours letsgoo
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Three tipes of people on valentine's day
#i completely forgot that today is valentine's day oh welp i think its because the aro/ace silly me is here for only chocolate#happy valentines day for everyone !! hope u have a good day !!#i was first thinking to draw something with fashion and terumob but then started thinking of funny comics so here have this#teru loves valentine's day because he gets chocolate#i really wanna see how cheap i can get chocolate after valentine's day#ritsu getting as well a lot of home made cookies and chocolate but like what to do with so many sweets like he is thinking about health#nothingbizzare art#i am talking too much#hanazawa teruki#mob psycho 100#mob psycho fanart#shigeo kageyama#teruki hanazawa#ritsu kageyama#mp100#mp100 fanart#now i am tired to tag because i was so excited to talk aaaaaaaaaaaa#i need to talk with someone about mob psycho
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Genuine question
Is there a tag on ao3 for ‘being forced to fake date your (usually) hero alter-ego to keep your secret”?
Bc this one of my new favorite tropes I have seen in some time but it’s like combing through a hay bale for a needle without a proper tag for the mini-genre.
If there isn’t one can we plz get on that?
#dc x dp#dp x dc#ao3#ao3 tags#plz guys#your blogger needs sustenance#i crave it#writing prompt#date your alter ego#do it#you fucked up#welp you now have things to do#do not be afraid#post links and recs
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Alright, y’all already know. It’s time for a teaser breakdown.
Before I start, I will say that I will at times deviate from the chronological timeline of the actual teaser in order to accentuate or explain my point, or just because the images correlate to each other. Spoilers ahead, obviously. And just be aware that this is probably going to be a massive read (future cable who just finished writing: it is.).
(Also, here’s the link to my previous analysis post on the IMBD pictures because I cite it a lot, in case someone hasn’t seen that one yet)
So, let’s crack in, shall we?
Right off the bat, what I noticed immediately: This is a different punch than we’ve seen in the other Lloyd vision where Beatrix punches him (right). The lighting and background are different. Maybe this could be an indication that Beatrix is close to coming back? Either way, that sure is a way to start a teaser (I will be addressing the other part of that vision later)
Yay! Roby! By that selfie stick bit I am PRAYING that he *actually* has the personality that he does in that set promo video, because it now seems ever more like that. Also, hey! That’s one of the Explorer’s Club members! I’m assuming that he managed to find work in this Temple City after the Merge (good for him honestly tho he doesn’t look too thrilled)
Okay, this. We’ve already had this image as per the IMDB thing and we already assumed that it was Roby welcoming the ninja into the temple city, and through that I am going to assume that that image comes right after this one:
Which implies what I had already kind of guessed, and it’s that the ninja will have difficulty getting into the Temple City/ there will be some force trying to stop them. I actually first assumed this was the Imperium Hunters, but it seems like those are actually the Temple Guards.
Now, as per what I thought before and what I see here, I’m going to assume that this is a challenge already. In a sec I’ll talk about all the different kinds of challenges we see, because I think they’re quite interesting in of themselves, but because of that giant screen we see projecting the ninja (Lloyd and Nya) on Jiro behind Roby, this basically confirms to me that these Temple Guards aren’t there because they want to particularity stop the ninja from entering, but that they are just a sort of obstacle that any potential participant has to overcome in order to get into the city.
So, yay, the lizards aren’t being hurt just for the sake of it! How nice.
Then we’ve got this and. Uhm. Well first off what the fuck
But now to actually be serious, other people have already been saying this, and it’s the idea that the person sitting down (in what looks like almost a throne? Idk) is Nokt, and he’s sort of… half and half between the two worlds, which could bring about all sorts of things.
Edit: I have been made aware that this, in fact, probably isn’t Nokt (neither his body nor soul)
So what do I think this is? I have no fucking clue. I could say that this was my idea about Jordana getting mildly possessed by another FF that may have gotten out (because the way she acted at the end of p1), and honestly that seems to be the most plausible answer right now. Either way, to me, it looks like the other FF are either praying/ casting, or perhaps having some sort of meeting together? No matter what, it looks ominous as fuck, and something Kai and Bonzle (who we see walk up behind Kai) should probably not be walking into for their own safety.
*THIS* I find a very curious screenshot. Because yay Lloyd in his master robe HEWLL YEARH but also. He didn’t wear that before. In that IMBD picture we see him on the screen, and he is in fact wearing the green tournament suit.
I think what this implies is that THIS is actually for the The Feast episode, wherein I think they gave this sort of formal robe to Lloyd as a way to… I guess make him stand out as the leader of the group? Not to mention that they seem to be coming from a building and going into a new building and looking at something rather grand, which I can thus only assume is a big dining hall. I know people are saying that Arin looks too happy for it to be an episode farther in, but I honestly think it could be a facade. The fact that he’s holding open the door could imply that he feels the need to do something useful, at least.
However, the fact that Lloyd is wearing his robe also makes me think of another clip that we see:
I am going to say that I’m directly assuming these two things happen within the same episode. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Lloyd is wearing the same outfit, and I think that’s with the assumption that he’s wearing this for the entire tournament which, as said, I don’t think is true.
What everyone IS talking about tho is the cloaked figure. Which, yk, is a cloaked figure. Of course I want to know who it is, but I have attempted my best at cross referencing any of the villain’s suits, and none of them match (A further post about that here). Which brings me to…
Something that I find very curious is that we don’t see any of Ras’ crew, except for Cinder. He’s the only elemental master they’ve got, and we don’t know whether Jay is *actually* gonna be there at all now, considering we didn’t see him whatsoever. Could this cloaked figure be Jay? Sure. But the suit doesn’t match up, either. Which made me realize that we don’t see any of the other fighters at all, really, which is… interesting, to say the least. Perhaps they’re just waiting to reveal what kinds of others powers there will be present at the tournament.
And since I was already talking about Cinder, let’s look at these screenshots, shall we?
What I get from the first one is that HORRAH Wyld vs Cinder rematch!! (Which means we can’t fully trust those fighting promo cards from a while ago because the fights don’t seem to completely match up). What else I get from it is that Shatterspin is allowed in the tournament, and by extension Rising Dragon! Which means that this is likely a tournament with rules similar to the Tournament of Elements, where the rules were basically that you could do whatever you wanted.
And for the second one. Good lord, I don’t even know. It just scares me, that’s all.
No, but, fr, what is happening. Why does he suddenly have Wyld’s power. Someone said this could be also like in the TOE, but instead of the loser’s element going to one person they go to the winner, which, yk, isn’t terrifying at all. You know what else isn’t terrifying at all? This bit:
I have much thoughts about this image, but I’m just gonna say what my first thought was, and it’s that this is Wyld accidentally setting something on fire, and then not being able to control it. Maybe even IN the Cinder fight. Maybe this is someone else causing it and Wyld gets blamed.
Either way, what I think is going to happen here is exactly that: WF gets blamed, and she will have to show that she’s grown as a person and wouldn’t just set things on fire anymore without reason, that she can help. Whether that works, or whether other people even believe her, is yet to be seen, I suppose.
(On a lighter note, I fucking love the little face of the flame on her back. The second letter seems to be a F, and the first one perhaps an R? I’m not quite sure. Anyways, it’s adorable.)
And speaking of adorable things:
GEO. HE’S HERE!!! He’s here and he’s cheering and I am going to selfishly believe that he’s cheering on Cole because GAH I need Geode to become real by the end of this season. God I hope no one at that Tournament is racist to Geo I would punch my screen
Ahem. Anyways. I guess what we can get from this is that those outfits seem to be spectator outfits rather than what the participants wear! And what we can get from that is that Geo will sadly probably not participate in the tournament. To be fair, it seems like only trained fighters will be attending, and despite Geo being able to kick ass, I don’t think he would be particularity good at it against people who have been training for who knows how long.
This also might imply he left the finder kids at the monastery in Mr. Frohicky’s care— which, yk, still leaves the question of how he gets to this tournament in the first place, as we do not see him in any of the screenshots where the ninja are still outside Temply City.
What I also realised from this is that we don’t see Euphrasia anywhere in this trailer. I’m still holding onto hope, so we’ll wait and see.
Then we’ve got all the Sora centric bits (which there seem to a lot of, which kinda tells me that she’s gonna be a focus and YES this will cause issues for Arin no one can convince me otherwise)
Anyways, as I said before, these images demonstrate to me what kind of challenges there will actually be within this tournament: Not just fights, but also what looks like a parkour and a race! Oh what joys. The first one actually kind makes me think that this is a challenge about ingenuity (due to that pole Sora is holding), but I might be reaching with that.
I didn’t get a screenshot of that lil Cole we see in that third clip as well, but I think that means we can safely assume that they're driving that combo vehicle we already have a set of, for which Cole gets the white and orange wedding suit! (Why? I don’t know. In my heart I'm choosing to believe everyone gets a similar outfit to that one.)
And that fuckass little dragon? I've got no idea. It kinda reminds me of Vania's dragon, Chompy, but also of those little Source Dragons Lloyd saw floating around his head right before he had the Master Dragon vision. Idk, it confuses me, so I'm choosing to ignore it lmao
And now the screenshots that I’ve been wanting to hold off on the longest… ho boy. Okay, there’s a lot here.
First off: This is before the tournament, and the next two images that I will be looking at are also before the tournament (the one with Lloyd falling), due to the fact that they are wearing their normal suits.
Second: The Matriarch. In the Kingdom of Madness area. As many people have already been guessing, this is likely where she thought to settle next after getting forced out of their previous home. But also, she looks… bigger? Idk maybe that’s just me. I also keep thinking that it’s the Energy, the Source Dragon that was imprisoned, or that it kinda looks like a bigger Zanth, but I’m probably wrong with that, as that doesn’t make much sense.
Either way, the kids seem to have to help her with something. And, to me, she almost seems… hurt? Like she didn’t call them there to chat or catch up with Riyu, but that she desperately needs help, perhaps something about her horde. Anyways, it concerns me deeply, especially with the next image in mind, which I cannot imagine being before that first one.
Other’s have been saying it and we all know it: that in the background looks like an Administration computer. The problem is that… it’s not the usual color (which was I think green? Berate me if I’m wrong)
So, what do I think happened here? I think the pictures directly correlate. I think what’s gonna be happening here is that the Matriarch wanted to move to this place within the Kingdom of Madness, the Administration was notified of the wrong kind of dragon activity, and is then trying to get them back out, most likely by capturing and deporting them, but maybe also something worse— who knows at this point. Somehow, the Matriarch got hurt, that’s for sure. Maybe she fought them, who knows. What I think will then happen is that either the kids attempt to find where they took the dragons, or they, too, will be captured and brought back.
What happens after this is entirely illusive to me. Of course they could be seeing Jay in that second screenshot, but somehow I doubt it (if this prediction comes true I’m gonna lose my fucking marbles). Either way they are seeing something that’s not normal, which has got to be something extreme, considering Arin has been in that place and has most likely told Sora about it. Maybe they just set off an alarm and that’s why it’s blaring red? Who knows. I sure don’t.
And these screencaps are just as a mystery (as said, these are very likely pre-Tournament, as Lloyd is still in his climber suit)
But what I haven’t seen a lot of people say yet is that we do know who that dragon is, as it appears to be Heatwave (you can see his face in that split second, in the first screenshot). It looks to me as if Lloyd was either deliberately jumping to one place and Heatwave caught him as to prevent that (for whatever reason?), or Lloyd somehow ended up in this falling situation, and HW is saving him (for whatever reason???). Either explanation scares me.
And last, but oh my god definitely not least, we have this clip of Motion. She is so gorgeous I don’t know what to say.
So I’ll just repeat what others have been saying, which is that this is likely in the first episode and the way that the ninja actually get their invitation.
Also I lied I do have smth to say: I feel like this could correlate to that one part at the beginning with Lloyd’s nightmare, where he also sees Motion. Perhaps Lloyd will be convinced that following this invitation will be a bad thing, since he saw it in relation to the other bad things (such as Beatrix punching him for a second time), but the others will convince him, for better or for worse.
Either way, this means that the invitation is personal. We can assume that this will not be some sort of trick by others, but that this is really Motion, inviting them to the tournament, as she was also one of the SDs that was up for helping Lloyd. This makes me ever more so believe that whatever the prize of the Tournament is could potentially result in Kai’s return.
Anyways, that’s all from me. I hope this ramble wasn’t too unorganised, I’ve been writing this for………..an hour. I am normal about this show I swear.
#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago spoilers#dragons rising#ninjago dr s2#ninjago dr spoilers#thoughts? opinions? prayers?#prayers is probs what we need most rn tbh#there ain’t no way that i’m tagging all the characters btw y’all can forget it#ninjago analysis#analysis post#cablysis#cable rant#(because it does technically count as that)#i should show this to my eng lit and history teachers to see what i’m using my analysis skills on instead of essays#welp anyways i’mma go take a nap now probably#or put this into word to see the word count. who knows.#cw long post#long post
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Chalkboard looking sketches I suppose.
Redfire and Prowlscream.
#Was fun to make these. :3#really stressed rn to be honest. ı literally passed out once we got home. got late on shıt i needed t odo. fucking quit rn. drawing helps-#+with it tho so its all fine. Those are gonna be Future Dec's problems. Let's just hope that the idiot could lie its way outta this one.#ANYWAAYYYSSS#Lets get to em actual tags shall we?#TF#TF G1#transformers generation one#Prowl#Starscream#Red Alert#Jetfire#/#Skyfire#Prowl X Starscream#Red Alert X Skyfire#Red Alert X Jetfire#Grammarly stop trying to open up. I dont need ya right now.#ProwlScream#RedFire#Digital Art#Sketch#My Art Stuff#maccadam#maccadams#i dunno.#Its nearing 3 in the morning btw.#Ever listened to TLT s In Sound Mind songs? Yall better. Theyre fucking great!#......Brain still damaged. Cannot think. Thats all the tags İ belive....#Welp. GOODNIGHT!
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Hullo people! Just letting you know that I do see your reblogs and posts in my notifs... however, since my exams are on, I won't be as active on here for a while! Like, I'll keep posting to a minimum and save reblogs and replies for later (maybe the weekend) :-D
#just so that anyone sending asks or expecting replies knows why i've disappeared#gonna tag this as#sfth#shoot from the hip#so that it reaches you people#alright then#bye! i'll come back soon#(gosh i'm so tired i need sleep but welp revision comes first)#i love replying to reblogs and stuff but I need to dedicate time for that#time which I do not have right now :-(#and I'm so sorry#sfthposting
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Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.
That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?
Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.
The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets
#tdp#the dragon prince#asks#rayllum#tdp callum#tdp rayla#talk#someone in the tags of that post said 'raylas self loathing works hard but callums devotion works even harder' and they own that post now#its theirs. they summed it up beautifully. they own it#'yes hes cringe but hes MY cringefail loserboy!!!!! get your OWN'#everyone else would say the 'hes a 10 but--' except for rayla. shes just 'hes a 10. hes just a 10 striaght-up'#he is not. he is so not a 10 i love him but hes not a 10 shes just so ill for him#so insane that the girl who has issues abt not being or being wanted by anyone or not good enough for ppl to stay/want her#proceeds to find maybe the 1 guy in the entire world who will choose her no matter WHAT#and even when SHE was the one who left & he was pissed he was still 100% sticking by her. hes staying#oops she showed him affection. now hes stuck forever! shame. welp guess thats how it goes!#and its partially bc of that she'd die for him. she needs him to b okay even if shes not there. mix of that loathing like#'he could still b happy without me so i need to ensure he lives so he can STAY happy at my own detriment. he means more than me'#girl if you died he would literally crumple into dust. fold in like cardboard in the rain. lay face-down in the sand & just die there#same w callum hes like 'i can hurt myself over & over for her if shes alive. if the danger is dead then she can live longer. i will live bu#tear myself apart so long she is safe'#bestie. if you reach the point of no return she will sacrifice herself to get the old you back WHAT THEN
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I filled an entire sketchbook page recently with just doodles of Simon based on various photos of Jerma I hope you guys understand—
#castlevania#castlevania games#akumajo dracula#akumajou dracula#castlevania ii#castlevania simon’s quest#simon’s quest#castlevania ii: simon's quest#Castlevania nes#simon belmont#art post#my art#shitpost?#uhhhh should I even tag this Jerma or#this idea kinda from post on here that was one of those ‘died (year) born (year) welcome back (person)’ but it was Simon and Jerma#I think about that all the time it lives in my head rent free forever now lol#and also cause I watched Jerma a lot recently#i debated even posting this but then I saw how dead the Castlevania tags are rn and like ya know what#maybe Jerma Simon is exactly what the fandom needs rn lmaoooo#idk it can’t hurt#I wanna animate simon picking up one of those boss monster orbs and being like WHAT IS THIS THIS IS MAGIC POWERS like Jerma and the geode#idk I think he’d announce to a live stream that he’s legally insane and 40% of what he says isn’t true#I gotta animate the meatgrinder rant too oh my goooodddddd—#I feel like my idea of this guy is way different than the common fandom depictions 💀💀💀💀💀💀#welp anyways
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welp, it's done! whiteboard rules everyone, it's time to let it die o7
this was so much fun what the heck!! we gotta do it again sometime :0 thank you everyone who joined or was in some way a part of this experience!!<33333
#whiteboard#we got griefed a total of five (5) times woooo!#niceee#35 people visited total#i figured out a new doodling technique while drawing on here btw#and i read a 100k fic and started making a little animation inspired by it and scraped it successfully cos idk im learning blender now#brain all over the place#gonna reread it already i think#oh btw i mostly figured out my carrots animatic#now the most difficult part. deciding on the artstyle :')#OH there's also a scraped bit of the animatic that i wanna polish and then post somewhere#OH im also making hrv fanart thingy i completely forgot about that omg#yea no a lot of stuff happened in two weeks#are y'all enjoying my wall of tags btw#im just spitballing here#<- immediately gets out of the flow and gets distracted#welp i guess it's time to go read fanfiction#btw i tried my best to backup all the drawings#in case anyone's ever like. ohmygod that drawing i did in october 2024? i need it or i'll die#(me. im anyone)#(so yea if the whiteboard's already gone feel free to hit me up)#okay okay im done
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I've got like 5+ other creative projects i want/need to do, but holiday cookies gotta be made, lol. Started with almond cloud cookies <3
Ft. A lump of soon to be choc chip cookies
#frankly. id love to have my shit together enough to do those baking challenges through Dec#but uh... yeah. i dont have enough people to bake for yet to justify it to myself anyways lol#i need a baking/cooking tag in case anyone doesnt want to see these. uhhhhh#[teles cooks]#that'll do perhaps. for now at least#idk. technically this is a interests/hobby blog thing. and baking counts as both. so??#was thinking about the folks that come around for rbs or art. and instead get the odd ramble and baking stuff. like. welp :/#ya get what ya get ig. tis an everything blog. theres gonna be a bit of everything :]#also also. this is super totally unrelated but its been bothering me all day-#whyyyyyy do some of these younger queer kids wanna put everyone in a box againnnn#witnessed a debate about the validity of he/him lesbians again. and i wanted to claw my eyes out#like. augh. 1. read your history. 2. why does it matter so much?#maybe its part of the journey now or smth. idfk. back when i was in my early teens i just worried about going to hell and stuff#now its like. you gotta become a little gender cop to justify yourself to yourself now or smth#its wack. and as a technical he/him lesbian. whenever the fancy takes me. who gives a shit?? dont be an ass. too many of those these days#it makes me feel old somehow. like christ. chill out. theres so many other far more important problems than lesboys. stfu#its tiktok tho. aint it :/ usually is. augh#...anywho. uh? yay for the holidays? one last hurrah before we all have to buckle down for who knows what? yippee?#ok oven beeped. chit chat time over
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I'm still scared in sabaody
This is crazy...
THS IS LIKE 300 CHAPTERS AWAY!!!!! THE SMILE... and mingo being the owner of the slave house for the tenryuubitos... OF COURSE
Look.... luffy enablers vs normal rational people
I was like yeah sure luffy was saying he wanted to become king of the pirates but rayleigh didn't explicitly say roger wanted to become pirate king just that people called him that so I am SURE shanks is saying luffy has the same dream we don't know about as Roger. Which lines up bc luffy said shanks knew of it and then in wano ace tells yamato and he says roger said the same thing and ace also knew of it!!! Which is crazy that it's set up this early but EVERYTHING is being set up here
I need to frame this btw.
Shakky the mother that stepped up.... also new conspiracy theory shakky is Hancock's mother bc she is a fan of luffy and hancock is too.... she was busy being a pirate to take care of hancock so she feels incredibly guilty about what happened to her so shakky either hasn't told her and hancock doesn't know or they have a difficult relationship. Yeah sure whatever. I dont care if rayleigh is her father or not bc as you know I believe in asexual reproduction in one piece thank you.
🧎🏻♀️🧎🏻♀️🧎🏻♀️what can I say
😳🫣
Here we fucking go again..... I can't do this
Incredible face sanji
SHE KNOWS!!!!!!
Luffy tearing up...... christ
Sanji getting away from his group with nami to save zoro will never get old like jesus christ look at this
CHOPPER 😭😭😭😭😭😭
CRAZYYYYYYY IM GOING CRAZYYYYY
LUFFYYYYYYY NOOOOO
NAMIIIIII NOOOOOOOOOO nami asking for help and luffy not being able to help her this time.... this is so sick and twisted
THE WAY THIS GETS WAY WORSE MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!! SICK!!!!!! TWISTED!!!!!!!!
#the only loser who doesn't know who rayleigh is is luffy (and his crew) 😭😭#also another giant who thanks the crew.... we got FIVE and another one is still in dressrosa..... they are special#also hachi knows about haki!!!!! and they all could hold it together??? i thot rayleigh coukd target it or smth#also i need law and jean bart lore... how did he knew who he was... what crew did he had.... how did he end up like that... etc#it's so cute that after the captains finish their fight their crew comes to save them akdjsksk killer bepo and sanji....#robin knew who rayleigh was aldjskdjks she was sure the others weren't dubassess too akdhaksnks#now that rayleigh is talking about roger i wonder if we will ever get a flashback of rogers final years(?) and why he decided to have ace..#the blank 100 years that happened 900 years ago.... so thats 900 to 800 years ago... i thought it was 500 to 400 years ago.... welp#i WANT luffy to hear the voices of all living things in the world like roger so bad.... when that happens i will cry so much....#borsalinos faces are so funny... and so detailed too. ALSO APOO GET OUT OF HERE I HATE YOUUUUUUU GET OOOOOUT DIEEEEE#the mere sight of zoro with that stripped shirt running thru the trees.... i can't do it....#franky defending chopper and robin catching franky when he falls... yeah#this is the same level of desperation we got in enies lobby after luffy defeats lucci but cant move.... christ#in the manga sanji doesnt try to hold a pacifista by his ankle and gets dragged off to protect zoro.... sad....#The three white pages after the chapter ends.... no sbs nothing.... luffy hitting his head... and he will be doing shrooms next....#i havent cried with this one this is progress... i mean i have suffered still but alas... progress. saving up tears for marineford#and welp. here we have sabaody done. amazon lily keep me stable for a while please#i know the end......#talking tag#reading one piece#knowing whats coming didnt diminish the anguish. christ.#so funny how you can see me going insane the moment the sabaody incident happens... real
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(bit of a vent lol)
So. I get a lot of derision for 'giving up as soon as things get hard' and in some ways I get it. I know how it looks but I just– I'm so. so fucking tired of hearing 'just try, you'll see it isn't so bad'
As if I haven't tried. As if I don't know full well that it is that bad. It took 3 months of 'just pushing myself' to almost kill me. It sounds so stupid when I say it like that and I don't think ppl would really get it even if I told them, i mean how could they? I barely know what happened and I was there
It took me 3 months to go from being student at a top 5 university with the single minded goal of getting a PhD in theoretical quantum mechanics to not being able to read.
I couldn't talk; no matter how hard I tried the words were so slurred people couldn't understand what i was saying (not that I would have understood it if they replied). I've been an artist my entire life but I couldn't remember how to hold a pencil, let alone how to drink a glass of water without pouring it all over myself.
It didn't kill me but it killed every part of me I cared to keep alive. It's been 3 years and while I can paint and hold an only slightly stilted conversation and do just enough of everything to get by I'm nowhere near the person I was and I don't think I ever will be.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't in pain and I spend an average of 18h a day in bed. But yeah. If I just try a bit harder this time, care a bit more. As if I don't live every day with the knowledge that if push came to shove I would rather die than risk ever experience it again
And yeah, that does mean I would rather die than get a job. I don't care how childish that sounds it is not worth it, it is never ever going to be worth it
#lmao i just realised this is the first time I've told anyone even parts of what happened#well apart from the therapist i saw a few months afterwards#he was very bad at hiding how much he believed i was exaggerating the whole thing#(i wasn't. there are so many things that happened that i don't think I'll be able to be completely honest about now. let alone then)#i don't even remember most of it (let alone know which parts were actually Real) but uh.#spent a good few of the early months genuinely believing that I'd died and this was some sort of personal hell#my entire life was based on nightmare logic#phychosis fucking sucks man#the depression afterwards sucks even worse#it is the biggest most influencial thing to ever happen to me and no one will fucking believe me#anyway i need to go to bed and pretend it'll be better tomorrow#welp that sounded overly pessimistic#(or however you spell that)#things will get better#i know that#it's just really hard to believe sometimes#i need a tag for my own posts so i can laugh at myself in 2 weeks when i'm a better person
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uso-chan....... uso-san....... uso-swan.........
<- reminded of old sanuso fics they used to read and getting nostalgic
#that shit was always so cuteeee#& i didnt think about it back then but i wonder what an outsider would think of snooj calling for his bf like that#bc if you don't realize it's a name doesn't it translate to 'cute liar/Miss or Mr liar'?#oh wait no that might be usotsuki-chan instead oops#welp something to figure out when i finally take jp lessons proper#hmm. thinking thoughts.#i do miss those old fics tho. with snooj doting over his bf like one of the girls. it was so very cute#a 'what if snooj got past all his shit for his bf/after dating his bf' type of thing. which is rly nice qwq my boy needs the love#avoiding any tags bc this is just me musing aloud#considering: diff names for diff situations#not just when he puts -san instead of -chan but also times when he drops the nicknames or uses North (French) nicknames instead#that type of thing#hrmmm#would also be funny to make snooj have my fucking issue where it's like#'i want to say this thing in language A. i think about it in language B (native language). and then manage to say it in language C instead#a language which the person im speaking to doesnt know and also they are looking at me wholly confused now'#yeah that's probably gonna be in a fic at some point lmfao#anywayyyy#nemotime#<- i suppose
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If any of them were actually to die (full tridential regicide i mean) i think the fact that the heart or the brain can still be active for a while even after the person is dead would be pretty terrifying for Heart and Mind
#it might depend on the death but i cant quite recall atm#but like fucked up if so#Had he actually done the tridental regicide#Soul would be the first one to go so Heart and Mind would just be left for a couple of minutes just being like#welp were fucked#what now#god the 'wait no please wait' in TMR is a lot more fucked up if you think about it that way#since its only Mind and Heart saying that line#tw death#?#i think?#im not good at tags#please tell me if i need more i have no clue#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#cj whole#moss post
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So I've discovered this "syscourse" people are talking about...
#REMIND ME TO NEVER GO THROUGH THE OSDDID TAG AGAIN OMG#my art#doodles#j.txt#I HAVE LEARNED A LOT OF TERMS TODAY THAT I DID NOT NEED TO LEARN.#'endos dni!' 'sysmeds dni!' '[50 other things] dni!' BRO I JUST GOT HERE#NOT TO MENTION THE HORROR STORIES OF FAKECLAIMING AND HARRASSMENT? OHHH BOY#THIS IS. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD ENVIRONMENT FOR SOMEONE TRYING TO STILL FIGURE THINGS OUT IS IT.#syscourse tw#I GUESS????????#welp color me far too scared to try and find any online communities now LOL#except not lol jesus christ i didnt think 2023 tumblr was capable of being so hostile but here we are#vent#I THOUGHT THE WILLIAM AFTON STANS VS ANTIS CIRCA 2019 WAS BAD. OH BOY WAS I WRONG.
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