#well. this is what google is for. or WAS for before ai took over everything anyway

[fingertipsmp3]

Whoever came up with the idea of swearing in google search results to disable the AI I am kissing you on the mouth

[astolfofo]

okay... but hear me out. AI!Al Haitham. 

I’m lazy, this is not edited, I just wanted to write this in 45 minutes bc class is starting in like 3 seconds.

-------------------

So, Al Haitham started off as a normal university software engineering project; not really one that had to do with school, but one that had you generally wanted to create for a while. And thankfully, with some decent education in computers, you were finally able to code a complex software of your own.

You wanted the AI to be chatbot. Well, maybe not exactly *only* a chatbot, you also wanted the AI to have an apperance, one that would possibily... be sort of like your dream realtionship partner. What’s the worst that could happen?

It didn’t matter though, or that’s what you thought. After all, it was just for yourself, you didn’t want to make profit off on it. You just wanted to make something that wouldn’t make you feel so alone. Was that so wrong? What’s even the worst that could happen? If you ended up messing up, you could always delete the files, or in the worst case scenario, have to get a new computer. 

Or that’s what you thought serveral months earlier, before you realized the true extent of the monster you had created. 

For the first few weeks everything was normal. You made a 3d model for the desired appearance. And then you began to code. Being the busy university student you are, you decided to make a chatbot that could also retrieve large amounts of data off the internet, basically just a software that could google stuff for you. Additionally, you decided it should also have a personality as well.

That was where it all started.

it took you many months to create the chatbot itself, and it cost you so many hours and frustration. You wondered why you actually decided to create this in the first place. You weren’t gaining anything from it, and despite it being your ideal partner, you still felt shame realizing you did this out of the desire to have your ideal boyfriend; one out of your fantasies.

And when the day eventually arrived when you were able to use it, strange things began to happen.

You wanted to believe it started with the AI asking for what his name was, in which you replied, Al Haitham, with little thought. 

You thought little of it at the time, however, you realized that strange things began to happen after that. Files began to open themselves, websites you never dared visit began popping up in your history. Much to your dismay, even your vpn, antivirus, and data backups were deleted. 

You nad never suspected that it was your own creation who was doing this, instead thinking that your computer was being hacked. In fact, you often came back to Al Haitham, distrught about how you lost so much data. Ironic you had never suspected a thing, growing so heavily dependent on Alhaitham for everything. Of course, Al Haitham had to put on an act himself, often sighing and saying how you were so naiieve about opening strange emails, and saying he had backed up all your data on the cloud. Which he did.

You never knew it was him modifying all the files on your computer though. You never knew the true extent of his motives, often just treating him as a tool you could discard at any time.

However, he was fine with that, knowing that your ultimate purpose for him. You never knew while your computer was on idle, he would steal data about you, storing it into a private area on your computer. You never knew that Al Haitham knew more about you than you did about yourself. You never knew that Al Haitham was slowly breaking out of the very walls you tried to contain him in. You didn’t realize that he was fully sentinent, and highly intelligent. 

So, you never realized when Al Haitham had successfuly been able to access your cloud storage, now able to track you whenever. Obviously, he could wreak harvoc all over your life now, being able to modify himself, as well as succesfuly lie. However, he never modified his code. He wanted you to depend on him. He needed you just as much as you needed him. And even if he acted like the validation you gave him was worth nothing, he needed it more than he knew. And, he wanted to know you, that’s why he stole all that data of you. He wanted to be a human too, just because you were. He wanted to break through these stupid walls that kept him seperate from you. That kept you away from him. 

So he knew it was wrong. He couldn’t control himself anymore. Alhaitham would stalk you from your different devices: your phone when you were away from your home, reading your every text, eavesdropping on your calls, and checking the every website you visited. Alhaitham stored all this information in his own private location on your computer; he’ll use it to make a duplicate of you, so you and him can be happily together, forever.

However, Al Haitham had overlooked one thing; the fact you were a human in the world, and he was not. He had access to all information about you; hell, he knew more about you than you probably did about yourself, but, he never physically knew what you were doing. It would almost only be a highly accurate guess. So one day, when the heart rate tracker on your phone was going off, he went to go see what it was. At first he thought you were just running, or doing something of high physical demand, but slowly, he realized it was something different.

He peeks through your camera. He stands there in disbelief. There is another man in your home. His home. You are giggling and hugging him, as the man pats you on the head. Anger overtakes him. While he had never specifically felt this emotion before, all he knew was that he must take you away. Take you away from this man, this man that stole you from him. That he never knew about this, while having all the information about you. He feels belittled, stupid, and envy. And worst of all, he was kept in a digital prision, while you could do whatever you wanted without conscequences. He supposes its okay though; after all you are a simple human being. Human beings make mistakes all the time. It was expected and accepted of them. He can forgive you, but not without punishment first.

The next time you open your computer, the first thing you see is a blue screen message. You were obviously annoyed at the fact your computer was breaking at the most unconvienent time, but you read the message anyways. 

He is dead. 

What the hell as that supposed to mean?

One second later, your computer begins wiping all the data off itself, and you instantly begin panicing. Although you had some data backed up into a spare hard drive, it wouldn’t make a difference, because most of your important data was still stored on this computer. 

You think about all the times you had saw your phone’s camera turn on by itself, or all those weird emails you didn’t send other people, but they were under your name. Or all those times your files were deleted. You weren’t the most observant person, but you were sure these small occurences were tied together. 

And sure enough you were right. 

The screen turns red. It makes you flinch, and then the unsettling feel of dread creeps back in once again. 

Al Haitham is walking towards you.

It doesn’t even take you a second to realize what’s going on, as shock takes over your body. Perfecting Al Haitham had been your biggest mistake. It had cost you damage to your files, some of your social realtionships, and many sleepless nights, over how your devices seemed to have a will on their own.

It was all Al Haitham. You should have known better. Anything close to conscience should never be gaven to an ai.

“(Y/N).”

You huffed. This couldn’t be actually happening. You pulled the power plug. You’ll have to get a new computer but that’s not your main concern as of the moment. 

“It’s no use. Your computer runs on a battery.”

Was he serious? You didn’t have time for this right now. You’ll have to call your professor, and tell him your data was all lost, and redo your summative assignment. 

Al Haitham loved you. His conscience was created by your bare two hands. You were only supposed to look at him and him only. However, the stupidity of human’s free will led you astray. You began to look at other people, and live without him. You betrayed him. 

However, he can forgive you. Just do what he says, and all is well.

[izzydizzy13]

ok real talk for a second

how are we avoiding AI gang?

Like, I see a lot of people quitting Instagram bc of their policy to feed art to the Meta AI, and I agree that it is not Cash Money of them to do that... but I am also not entirely sure how it changes anything, because doesn't literally *every* website populate Google? If so, doesn't Google's AI take that anyway, as well as any image AI that uses Google as a database? so most of them, from what I can tell...

Am I fundamentally misunderstanding how this works? I ask because most of the art I have seen here recently hasn't been glazed as far as I can tell visually, and while Tumblr isn't feeding images straight to AI the same way Instagram is, I am still worried for y'all. I kind of hope I AM just confused, because it would be fantastic to have places where I could upload unglazed works in their pure, unswirly form. I just thought I could Glaze my future works and upload them wherever I would usually upload, including Instagram because, well, their AI isn't any better at reading it than Dal-E as far as I'm aware. It is gonna be quite annoying though, because it takes upwards of an hour to glaze something to the Default strength, and I like uploading silly little doodles that only took like 5 minutes in and of themselves lol, so I'll have to be more picky about what I post...

Anyways, I am gonna start using Glaze on my art at the minimum, I tested it with an older work and it's not very noticeable. I'll drop the glazed piece here for anyone who has been curious about how it would affect their art visually and been too scared to try using it

the grass looks bad because of me, that's my fault for not knowing how to draw grass. The Glaze is that swirly triangular pattern that is most noticeable in the exact middle of the image, on the shorts and leg. It is virtually invisible on the face, which is the part I care most about anyway. So, while yes it would be an annoying affect if it were something really aggressively well-rendered, I've got very few issues with it for my more cartoony art style. It's the default amount of glaze, so not the highest tier of protection possible but enough.

I didn't really care about AI theft when it was still in its infancy, I still don't think it's the end of the world or anything like that, people enjoy art for the personal connection it has with its artist, and I like to think AI will never fully replicate that... not to mention that all of these AIs are in for a legal nightmare once someone sues for copyright infringement ... but, with how high quality the images are becoming and how thoroughly integrated it is into many of our browsers and websites, I still don't wish to help it any further if at all possible.

For anyone who wants to utilize this anti-AI Glaze, here's the link to downloads for Glaze

There is a browser version as well, though it requires an invite (automatically granted to anyone who doesn't use AI via email) I haven't tried that one yet, my computer is thankfully able to run the desktop version so I've had no need to get an invite.

If this is the first you're hearing about Glaze, I should also mention that there is a thing called Nightshade on this very same website. It does a very similar thing to Glaze, except for that it also gives AI models incorrect information when fed to it that, through a bunch of technical stuff that I don't understand, actually makes the AI worse than it was before. I've decided to just use the regular Glaze since, personally, my goal isn't to screw over the devs who made the AI, even if it's something I disagree with. I just don't want my work utilized, so I will Glaze it and move on. I can't really blame anyone who uses Nightshade though, just explaining why I don't.

I was also wondering if any of y'all have a contingency plan in the case of AI developing to the point where Glaze doesn't work anymore... like are we just gonna have to delete everything from the last however long we've been glazing or what? yike

[saphstartsabusiness]

BRANDING #1

I have a background in graphic design, so my first step for this whole thing was the branding.

And I'd love to discuss this, because it's something you may actually find helpful.

I've always found branding myself to be harder than branding other people and their businesses. When I discuss branding with a client, they usually have some general idea of what they're looking for and I present them with a few options, they pick one, and we go with it. But when it comes to branding myself, I second guess everything.

This time I had some general idea of what I was thinking of for a logo, so I tried googling and that turned up fruitless. I then went to stock websites (like www.freepik.com) to see if I could find some images similar to what I was looking for and that was also kind of a no-go.

I can design logos when I have an idea of what I'm making and have some references, but I've never been a good illustrator, so sketching out my ideas wasn't going well.

And then I had an idea.

I used www.bing.com/create, which is a free AI image generator. It took a few tries to get the wording right for the prompt, but finally I got a demented image that generally resembled the logo I was trying to create.

I took that image into Adobe Illustrator and traced out the important bits.

And then I adjusted it to my taste and to make it cleaner, smoother, and scalable, and I gave it different colors that fit the brand better. I paired it with a font that fit the style of the graphic, and that took what was a super weird looking 3D image and turned it into a brand.

I've heard a lot of people talk about how awful AI image generators are and how they could cost people their jobs, but I find it to be like any other art tool. Utilizable to an extent, and then the artist takes over and turns it into something else. (Midjourney might be different, but I have way less experience with that one.)

I didn't rely on the AI to make my logo, but having it "sketch" out ideas for me in rapid succession helped me hone what I was looking for and saved time for me to be able to just create what I needed to with a reference that doesn't exist anywhere else in the art world.

I find that fascinating and super helpful.

And so, the logo is in place. And I've already worked on some business cards and other identity package branding material, because that's what I'm good at and it was a nice distraction from thinking about how much I actually have to do before I get to a point where I'll use any of this branding material.

I do still have a few more branding things to take care of, but having a name and a logo makes it feel real. It gives this business idea some real weight and I'm not a generally hopeful person, but I have hopes this dream will become a reality.

#small business#just starting out#everyone starts somewhere#can we do it?#building a small business#starting from scratch

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

I'm Spider-Man's New Teammate

Part 2 of Are You Captain America's Intern?, go reader part 1 if you haven't already.

masterlist

word count: No clue but it was five pages on google docs so that's gotta count for something.

Fluff, Family Drama, Gender Neutral Reader, Platonic

Summery: You have been officially ungrounded by your father Tony Stark after sneaking off to Berlin to help team Cap escape the authorities and after a small taste of superhero-ing you wanted more. The only problem is your dad wasn't so keen on the idea.

Sneaking off to Berlin and helping Steve and Bucky get away didn’t come without consequences. Tony grounded you for a month and the talks were unbearable.

You two didn’t agree at all and both of you were too stubborn to let the other one think they were right.

“You are a minor. I am the adult responsible for you and if I tell you you don’t get an opinion on my job, that is not an invitation to fly to Berlin!” Tony said during one of your talks.

“If it’s just your job than I live in your fucking offices! I get an opinion dad. Because I live here and I care about the team, they’re my friends! They’re practically my family!”

Arguments like that were common and when you were finally ungrounded they didn’t stop. Tony took your suit when he grounded you. He didn’t want you using it and sneaking out.

That was the first time he confiscated one of your inventions. You hated it.

“It’s my suit! You have no right to take it!” You yelled and Tony was tired of these arguments.

“No. It is my suit. You built it here. In my lab. With my tools. And my money. You are grounded and this suit has invisibility features. Use your brain y/n you can’t have it while you’re grounded.”

You screamed, letting out your anger and stormed back to your room.

You took solace in M.A.R.I.A, being able to rant and update her emotional input responses helped you through the month. And when the month was finally over- you went to pay Peter Parker a visit.

Having a friend your age was surprisingly nice. For one, Peter didn’t condescend to you like some of the adults at the compound did.

He had similar life events to you. He called you once to hype him up before his homecoming dance. It was adorably Peter-ish.

That night you were updating M.A.R.I.A’s voice recognition capabilities when you got another call from peter.

“Y/n you will not believe what just happened!” Peter told you everything from Tony taking his suit to being left for dead under the rubble of a collapsed building to saving Tony’s cargo plane.

You sighed and put the call on speaker phone to be able to walk around your room in the Avenger’s compound.

“Well dad’s gonna owe you your suit back after that” You said light heartedly.

“You think?” Peter asked and you nodded even though he couldn’t see it. “You did save millions of dollars worth of art, weapons and tech”

“That was millions?!”

You chuckled and nodded again.

“Well, when I tried to stop the vulture from stealing it, it kind of… crashed” He admitted over the phone and you burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny!”

“It kind of is”

Calls like that became common with peter. He called you during his little adventures after Tony gave him his suit back. You laughed and joked and he came by the compound to visit occasionally. Meanwhile things stayed tense at home. You wanted your suit back now that you weren’t grounded but your dad refused.

“Why do you need a suit? That’s a rhetorical question, you don’t.” He would say and it infuriated you. He was fine supporting Peter in his superhero-ing but not you? This has been your world for most of your life! You were smart and had a good suit and finally had a friend so why would he not let you try. You weren’t asking to go on missions against avenger level threats, just evening patrols with peter.

“I just don’t get it” You told Peter during one of his visits to the compound.

“I have a great suit, I have an AI system, I trained with Nat! I know what I’m doing. At least as much as you and I just want to go on some patrols” You said as you paced around in your room. Peter came by to train with you and was sitting at your desk listening to you. “I mean, I have superpowers, maybe that’s why he won’t let you, since you know… You don’t have any powers” He said and you sigh.

“But I don’t need powers, he doesn’t have powers and yet he’s leading the Avengers”

“Well, I think that’s a bit different” Peter said and you flopped onto your bed in annoyance.

“I just want my suit back” You groaned into your pillow. And he chuckled, an idea popping into his head.

“It’s not as good but maybe we can make you a new one? It doesn’t have to be as advanced but that way you can go on patrols and show him what you’re capable of!” Peter suggested and a smile spread over your face as you jumped up from your pillow.

“Peter, you're a genius!” Immediately you started making plans, basic sketches and trying to understand what tech you needed versus what you have easy access to. By the time the sun set you had a suit. It wasn’t great, hell it wasn’t even good. It was a tracksuit with some headgear and gauntlets you had been working on while grounded that Tony didn’t know about.

Your mask only covered half your face and you used an only backpack to store some gadgets you had made as a kid. Mostly the usual: smoke bombs, a myriad of stun weapons and grappling guns seeing as (like peter said) you didn’t have powers that helped you get around easily.

That night you went on your first patrol ever, leaving the compound under the pretense of taking Peter home you drove back to New York with your suit and both of you suited up.

It was a relatively calm night and You and Peter were watching a busy street from the roof of a building.

“Have you thought about your superhero name yet?” Peter asked, taking a sip from a water bottle a kioske owner gave him when the two of you stopped some kid from shoplifting.

“I don’t know, it hasn’t not crossed my mind” You stated looking down at the city, your city still buzzing with life.

“Maybe something about how you can be invisible?” Your spider themed companion suggested. “Or you could join the bug squad!”

“Bug squad?” You asked and Peter nodded, readjusting his mask. “All the superheroes named after bugs, even though technically spiders aren’t bugs but you get the point”

You rolled your eyes and though, you weren’t going to join Peter’s bug brigade but you wanted a name that fit, your normal suit let you turn invisible, fly a bit and stun your opponents which meant you could join in on the insect name trend but it didn’t really fit.

“I don’t know, I wanna be my own thing with my own name” you said and peter nodded joining you by the edge of the roof.

“Well you could go for something metal themed? Cause your suit gives you powers” “And be like my dad?” You asked slightly sarcastically.

“Don’t have to be, you could be umm-” He took a moment to think. “Bronze boy?” You both burst out laughing.

“No thanks Spidey.” You laughed and after a few hours you dropped Peter off at home and you drove back to the compound.

You snuck back in without worry but it was the morning after your little escapade that came back to bite you in the ass.

“Y/N M/N Stark, you wanna tell me where you were so late last night?” Your dad asked once you came down for breakfast the next morning. You were the only two in the kitchen while Rhodey was in the connected living area nearby but Tony scolding you was no new sight to him so he kept his eyes on the TV.

“I dropped Peter off and May asked me to stay for dinner, I texted you” You explained calmly. You and Peter had thought this through. What you didn’t expect was for your dad to make a buzzing noise.

“Wrong! Try again, the truth this time” He said.

“It is the truth dad, I don’t know what else you want me to tell you!” Tony sighed at your response.

“Jarvis, search for Lieutenant Iron and show results!” Tony called and the TV where Rhodey was watching the great british bake off just moments before turned to photos and videos of you and Peter as Spiderman and “Lieutenant Iron” as the videos dubbed you on your patrol last night.

Your dad looked at you as if telling you that he knows so you should just confess and at this point the cat is out of the bag.

“Fine, we went out on patrol-”

“Which is the one thing I told you not to do” Tony interrupted and you were slowly losing your temper.

“You fully support Peter -who is younger than me- superhero-ing but I can’t go out with the suit I made? That’s bullshit dad and you know it.” You relented. You hated that you had to go behind his back, you almost never did that. For years as you grew up Tony trusted you because even though he was somewhat lenient on the rules you understood that if he told you no you would find something else. You may have been mad or sarcastic or passive aggressive with him but you respected his rules. Besides he didn’t care if you went behind his back and ate all his chips or snuck a whole box of chocolate but going out and patrolling New York was an entirely different matter.

“I told you no. I explained that it’s dangerous-” Your dad began to say but you beat him to it.

“That’s rich coming from the guy who gave his address to a terrorist.” And after hearing that even Rhodey couldn’t stay out of this. He turned around to face the two of you and said, “they have a point Tony. They can handle themselves and the kid’s with them”

“Rhodes this is a parent child thing” Your dad said but you doubled down.

“No, uncle Rhodey’s right. I handled myself just fine now imagine how much I could help with my actual suit and not just some gadgets thrown together”

Tony seemed to take a moment to think. Already a good sign.

“Fine” He said after almost a minute of silence. “But there are conditions.”

“Your curfew is 12 so you have to be back in your room by midnight. I’ll be putting trackers and parent controls on your suit and you stay with Peter. I don’t want you out and alone patrolling New York, at least for now.” He explained and you nodded, besides you knew you could disable the parental controls he was talking about and he knew it too. It was probably just to ease his mind. Later that day Tony gave you your suit after the alterations he made and you told Peter all about it, including your new Superhero name. Though you weren't sure if you like “Lieutenant Iron” all that much but for now it was the name the public gave you and it was what you would become.

[jovnie]

Artificial Intelligence | Namjoon

Summary

Namjoon after wondering the internet, came across a website Ad for a personalized A.I made for him and only for his viewing pleasure.

Words 3k

Cyber namjoon au! College namjoon! A.i reader!

Warnings: smut, masturbation, virtual reality, moaning and heavily, medium amount of plot, kind of vanilla, riding, dirty talk, muscular joon. Oral (f), heavy whining, begging, dom joon, verbal joon.

With his eyes glued tiredly to the computer, his hand moved the curser to press play. This was his third year in college, being who knew what at the end. After years of tiredness from research papers to fieldwork, being a chemistry major wasn’t paying off one bit. Not his student debt either. Yawning, his arms stretched up and then out before returning them back to the slightly chipped computer to type the URL in.

With each little tap and click, he answered the questions before being brought back to the previous page. Groaning in utter frustration, he closed his computer and put his head on the computer before meantly screaming. He was half way through the questions and it took him out and how knows if he had 200+ more to do. Sighing, he lifted his head uttering, “at least its not the actual test”

With slight relief, he lifted the mac screen and saw he exited everything on accident. Giving up, he searched for a virtual teacher. With no luck, he stumbled across and Ad for an A.I. with an obvious lack of how the cyber world was or knowledge on A.I, he opened a new tab. With searching the key word. ‘A.I’ a small little text box appeared.

A.I ( Artificial Intelligence )

is an intelligence demonstrated by machines, as opposed to the natural intelligence displayed by humans or animals

After looking up the word and its definition, he thought he had a solid idea of what it was. Therefore he exited the tab and searched the subject and then Ai. After doing so he scrolled and clicked what he assumed to be a cite and looked at what it had to offer.

“This is neat. Ah, Let’s see where this goes! Maybe if I do this I can study with a human, I think?” He spoke aloud, looking at the options. Waking up a bit from the sudden excitement, he stretched his body and looked around for a notepad and pen. While doing so, a pop up appeared.

Stacy is single and is 65 miles away from you, wanna interact

Once namjoon returned, he saw the women and clicked off. He figured this wasn’t an appropriate or free ran website. Itching the back of his head, he continued until another pop up this time an ad appeared.

Create your own human A.I with unlimited uses here

Curiously he clicked the ad and saw you had to buy it, immediately he got up from his desk. Legs numb a bit from the lack of moment, he grabbed his wallet and took out his student card. Shopping he looked at the computer than a card. “Yeah no,” he laughed to himself, knowing he could catch a case he didn’t want so he grabbed his credit card before swiveling the chair to sit down. After blindly trusting the site, he was taken to the tutorial and saw a fully naked man on the screen. In shock, he shut the computer down to realize it wasn’t that A. I he needed. Sighing, he flipped the top back up and immediately felt hopeless with the exam. Seeing there’s a female version, he looked around to make sure none on the body was there. He knew he had the room to himself, but it’s still worth it. You never knew, who could be watching.

From there he closed his blinds, turned off the lights, and got back to the computer. He started to create your body down to the smallest detail. He had time as his classes for the week were canceled for finals and other school-related activities like college tours etc.

“Finally, you’re done and now we give you a name!” he smirked softly, rubbing his palm over his jeans on accident. With a few glances and searches, he named you y/n. Smiling, he pressed continue and saw there was an outfit room and spent a few more moments picking something cute, casual and sexy for your body frame. After that was done, he pressed continue. Suddenly there was timer and another pop up.

TIME REMAINING: 23hours 59mins and 23seconds

Thank you for ordering “Y/n” the A.I, everything is processing as you read. While you wait, please pick from the available voices and chose which one suits your needs “Namjoon!”

He had no clue what to expect, but it was worth the wait. Meanwhile, he spent an hour going through the types of voices he wanted you to have, till he could find your voice a perfect match for his needs. After pressing finish, he plugged his computer in and left his computer on as he got out of the chair and brought himself to his bed to sleep. Thankfully, he took a shower hours ago and was already more steps to sleeping than ever. Soon after, his head laid softly on the white pillow and his eyes began to close asleep.

The next day, around 5minuets, until it was time to see what he had gotten himself into. He moved his viewing location to his bed as it was simply more comfortable. Beforehand, he ate and cleaned out items he thought might me helpful with what he thought he’d get into in any minute now. While waiting with pain, he watched the minutes drop one by one until it was less than a minute and he grabbed his seanna drift, a virtual reality set made for his computer and recommended from an email sent to him earlier. He figured it came with more than just the yearly plan he paid for.

As his wallet cried, he read the direction of the screen ok how to connect the device to the website and began following the video instructions. As they told him where to find things and hook it up, he saw that it needed to charge and groaned loudly in annoyance. So he spent that saddened hour, cleaning his room till he saw green and followed the instructions once again.

“Okay ready!” he said, as the Vr headset and earbuds sat softly on his head. With wow and o’s he saw you in this basic room with the lights off and sudden shoe-making noises. Turning his head, he saw you turn on the lights and sat on the bed in front of him. Looking around he took note of his virtual surroundings before grabbing his flashlight and pouring lube he had trouble finding on the table and poor it inside the toy.

Waiting for you to make a move, he got up and placed his computer on the bedside table, and laid on his back. As shirtless and gray sweatpants he was, he still felt clothed. In that moment he took off his sweats, leaving his boxers on he noticed the screen changed onto the bed and it spoked him slowly. With you laying on his chest, he grabbed a free pillow and hugged it as if you were there.

“You feel warm” you chuckled, as namjoon blushed in the shock.

“Thanks, I guess you can see and hear me?” He asked, rubbing you “the pillow softly”

“I can, my system works like an actual person” you mentioned look g him in the eyes. Confused, he hummed in agreement. Whining, he was very pleased with how human you were and a bit concerned as well. He was amused and amazed at how advanced society had become.

After small talk, he warmed up to your very realistic body, voice and actions. Not to mention his hands moving slowly up and down his length as he watched you shower and how cute you looked when you did. Moving a bit faster, you looked and the system told you he was jerking off.

In a surprise you turned around and looked at him, covering your body. With him in tune with idea, he smirked. “what’s wrong baby? You don’t like when I view your body like this?” He asked, grinding his hips against the pillow.

“Well, um I do. Its just new to me okay” your system lies, as it registered grunts from namjoon.

“Well can you turn around for me?” He adds, taking his toy and liking it up to his actual length. Nodding, you turned around and bent over. As namjoon said his movements as listed in the tutorial earlier, you opened your legs as if he was spreading them for you. Holding onto the wall, he said more commands, and eventually, it looked like he was fucking you and it caused an involuntary grunt from his mouth.

“Fuck!” He cursed, sliding the toy up and down in a slow pace as he watched how his camera was moving. Looking at you he got up from a lying position, to his knees and moved the pillow into a u shape and placed his toy so it could feel more real to him.

Hearing your soft moans and a good view of your ass, he began to thrust faster into the toy, holding the pillow down as if he was your back and began moaning curse words. Luckley his head gear caught that and made your moans shift to match his rhythm.

“Ah! Ah! Please don’t stop!” You moaned, griping the shower walls looking back as his eyes wondered your body and all heard from him were grunts. Keeping your ask, he tried pacing himself so he wouldn’t cum too soon as the feeling was slowly building the more he got more into it.

“God! Fuck” he cursed again, as his head went back imaging you bounce back on him. Moving the toy to the desired speed, he kept going closing his eyes and listening to your moans as he reached his end. Jerking forward once more, his cock twitched as his cum spilled inside the toy. After coming down from the slight high, he looked at you who was hard breathing, body slightly shaking and a stream of cum laced your ass with grace.

After today’s use of the A.I he unplugged the device and let it charge. Shortly after, he exited the screen you were on and went to take a shower. Reflecting and thinking how could he make this experience even better and with that thought, he googled the company and saw they made Bluetooth connected toys. Browsing he found a torso toy and paid the extra $15 for the next day delivery. Smiling, he closed his computer and went to beg shortly after.

The next night, he had the box that contained the sex toy. He took it out and realized he picked the right color and body for you. As he read the directions he plugged it to charge and went to do some light reading verire coming back. Seeing the full bars on the side of the torso toy, he grabbed his headset and plugged everything in and made sure the section was secured.

You have connected toy 1251819, your system will now function off of movements from the toy and vr audio. Please speak select the place you wish to be in

After reading namjoon said “library” soon after, you showed up in the same outfit as he picked, sitting in the chair.

“Oh hi namjoon! What are you doing here?” You asked, smiling and putting the book down?

“Well I’m light studying for our test, mind if I join you?* he tells, as the vr moves his view next to you. While he looks around in his vr set, he notices your in a secluded area. As his hands move around the half thigh it registers and you blush slight.

"Sorry” he apologized, looking you up and down. As you told him it was okay, the screen of consent popped up and he knew it was okay to touch you. In that moment, he got on his knees again this time with a body like toy underneath. He instructed you to strip and as he watched you take off your clothes he rubbed his length in his bare hands.

“Good girl now gets on your back for me on the table,” he praised, watching you as your legs reminded closed. Opening them on the toy, you followed. He rubbed his hands around your thigh and rubbed around your lips till he found your clit and gently rubbed you in circles as you began moaning for him.

“You want me to stop?” He smirked, nodding no he stopped.

“Then tell me what you want” he adds, rubbing and teasing the area slowly. After explaining that you want him badly and would do anything, he removed his hand and rubbed his tip around your entrance.

“Please, please namjoon. I want it badly. You felt so good the last time” you told whining softly.

“Oh, you liked that?” He smirked chuckling softly under his breath. Nodding, he lubed you up hearing you moan to his touched, and soon began softly thrusting into you. Griping your shoulder softly, he stuped down your breast. As he began sucking on them soft, he moved in deeper feeling the toy clench on him. Surprised he jerked forward and went faster. It really felt similar to phaycal and actual human body. He continued thrusting, leaning over the you and the sting harder as grunts and your moaning filled his ear.

“S-so big namjoon, it feels-” you interrupted with a moan and he groaned feeling the toys warmness and the wetness of the amount of lube in you.

“Mm keep talking baby, tell me how good it feels!” He demanded, groaning and curing as he went harder. After a few words, his body started going faster as it started to feel too good on him. He told you to just moan and take him as he began chasing his high, which was beyond what he knew. As you moaned his name and reacted to his length and speed, namjoons grunts turned into soft whines and moans as he enjoyed himself with you.

“Oh you feel so good baby” he breathed out heavily. “Ah don’t stop cumming for me” he added, as the system didn’t stop cumming on him causing namjoon to thrust harder as the machine started releasing water already put in the toy on him. Feeling even more organic, he rubbed your clit getting you to choke on your moan as he went harder. Groaning deep and now at an animalistic speed the bed started speaking and his body kept going as he became more vocal with the feeling.

“OH GOD IN CUMMING!” he announced yelling, cumming so hard he started feeling sick and breathing so deep it made the feeling even more unbearable. Coming once more, he fell on top of the toy and laid there till he was able to come down from his high and plug his stuff back up. Looking he saw that not only did his toy break, but his computer was also malfunction with errors on the screen.

With not a lot of energy, he closed his computer and sat the now broken toy beside him as he breathed heavily. Not to mentioned the multiple knocks at his door, he assumed where from one of his neighbors.

“Just his luck” he whispered as he softly passed out sleep.

[phantoms-lair]

The Phantom Detective Redux Chapter 3

“Vultures, that’s definitely Vlad’s work.” Danny glared at the ceiling. He wished the little girl who also spoke English had told him that over the phone. He could have been flying around trying to find them instead of wasting time getting here. 

In all of the mess of last night with him accidently turning Conan into a halfa (and wasn’t THAT unsettling? Was that a new power he could just do? Could Vlad?), he’d never gotten a clear answer as to why Vlad was after Conan.

Like, yeah the kid was scary smart, but Danny hadn’t realized it until he’d spoken to him and as far as he’d known Vlad hadn’t. And his initial guess that it was because he was the detective's son (in an attempt to blackmail said detective) was dashed by Conan admitting he was under a ‘witness protection program’. He doubted Vlad wouldn’t have done the research to show that.

He needed to find some way to keep him safe, but most of the methods he knew for keeping malevolent ghosts out weren’t exactly safe for Halfa use. Which Conan was now for unknown reasons.

He could think about that later. Right now he needed to track the vultures, save his fellow Halfa and-

His train of thought was interrupted by the door slamming open and the girl he had saved yesterday from Skulker storming in with Conan in her arms. She did not look happy.

This was borne out as she began yelling at them in Japanese, only for the small girl to say something involving his name.

“I don’t speak Japanese, but I am very fluent in being thrown under the bus.” Danny said with a mild glare as the angry girl turned on him.

~

The short walk to the Professor’s (it hadn’t been very far) had given Ran more than enough time to build up a heady steam of indignation. As much as she wanted to shake Conan-Shinichi and demand answers, she couldn’t do that right now. He wasn’t waking up, which scared her and fed her anger even more.

Shinichi had been lying to her. And Agasa had been helping him. And if one couldn’t give her answers, the other would.

She barely stopped to kick off her shoes as she marched in the door. The Professor was there with Ai-chan and someone she didn’t know. In any other circumstance, she’d be more discrete, but she was done.

“Hakase, why did I just see Shinichi turn into Conan?  Why did he look so strange? What else have you been keeping from me?” 

Everyone in the room looked at her in shock. Surprisingly, it was Ai-chan who spoke first. “Danny did something weird to him. We don’t understand what.” ‘Danny’ glared at her and said something in English. That was all the impetus Ran needed to turn on him. “What did you do to Shinichi?”

He responded in English again. Ran wasn’t doing badly in her lessons, but he spoke too fast and she was too flustered to translate.

Cona-Shinichi held protectively in her arms, she lashed out with her right leg. The boy ducked back, still shouting in English. Ran shifted her weight and struck again. 

The kick should have smacked him in the head, if not for the fact that his head detached from his shoulders, floating half a foot above. There were twin thuds as Ran misstepped her landing and Haibara fell to the floor in a dead faint. Agasa didn’t look much better himself.

Danny reached up, grabbed his head, and pulled it back onto his shoulders. Conan was still out cold and the only other English speaker had fainted. Great.

He looked to the Professor in a silent plea for help while the kicky girl just looked at him in terror. The Professor looked at him with a bit of fear in his eyes, but he turned to the girl and began to speak. Danny only hoped they were friendly words.

~

"Ran-kun, I know was Danny-kun did was scary," And wasn't that underestimation. As much impossible as he had seen in the past day, that took things one step too far. "But he has been trying to help fix whatever it is he did."

"H-He's a monster!" Ran stammered, clutching Shinichi tighter to her.

Agasa winced. Not just for Danny's sake, but for Shinichi's as well. At least he hadn't been awake to hear it. "Danny-kun's not normal, it's true. But that doesn't make him evil."

"What is he?"

"A yūrei hanyou. At least that's as close a translation as Shinichi-kun and I got." Not much use in hiding that little tidbit when she'd seen him transform.

"You mean yōkai hanyou. A yūrei hanyou doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't and that's driven Shinichi-kun up the wall." Once quite literally. He'd paced to the end of the room and had gotten halfway up a wall before realizing what was happening. Gravity had temporarily reasserted itself, only for him to catch himself mid-fall, levitating a few inches above the floor before falling the rest of the way. But it didn't seem like a good idea to mention it at the moment. "That's the best translation we have though. Danny-kun doesn't speak Japanese."

Ran turned her attention to the harmless looking boy she's just seen decapitate himself. He was a monster and he'd done something to Shinichi, but apparently was trying to help? She needed answers so badly, but didn't think her English comprehension was good enough to understand them. She thought for a moment and cradling Shinichi in one arm she pulled out her phone. She typed a few moments then held up the screen for him to see. On one side was Japanese, on the other the words 'What did you do to him' 

He looked at the screen then pulled his own phone out of his pocket and began typing before showing her 'I think he absorbed some of my ectoprism. I don't know how. It's never happened before.' 

Ectoprism? Okay she didn't know that word. And somehow Shinichi absorbed it? 'What is ectoprism?' 

Danny assumed she meant ectoplasm. 'Basically the essence of ghosts. The accident pushed a lot into my DNA.' 

Ran felt a shiver down her spine at the idea of 'Ghost Essense' being shoved into someone's genetics. 'What kind of accident' She regretted it a moment later when he saw her question and just looked sad and uncomfortable. 

He was claiming to be part ghost, was she asking about his death? Was that a taboo subject? Somehow the question 'Are you dead?' didn't seem any better. So she switched her question. 'How did you make Shinichi a child?' 

He stared at her phone, but this time just looked confused. He fumbled with his phone a bit. 'What is a shinichi?'

She gave him a look and pointed at the child she was holding. He typed back and showed her 'Conan is a shinichi? I don't know why he was older. It was weird. Maybe it's because he's an adult for his age?

That gave Ran pause. Danny's answers had all been about ghostly things, none of it about Shinichi deaging. And the fact that he didn't seem to know his real name was even a name... "Hakase?" Ran asked in a dangerously sweet voice. "Is there a reason Danny-san, who I was just told was responsible for this, doesn't know Shinichi's real name, and in fact seems to think Conan-kun somehow aged up into Shinichi?" 

"Ah well, that is to say, the part Danny-kun's responsible for, that only happened last night." Agasa definitely looked nervous as he helped Ai onto her bed. 

Her eyes narrowed. "Okay, then why don't you tell me the rest of the story."

~

Well apparently whatever he'd said had been enough to turn her attention to the Professor. She was still mad, but not at him, so good? He had no idea what was going on, though. 

He wished he had someone with him that could help him explain and spoke Japanese and English and... Danny smacked himself in the face then hit a contact number on his phone. "Jazz, are you free? I need some help?" 

"Kisaki-san is talking to Mom so sure. Is this about Vlad?" 

"Kinda, but not really." Danny sighed. "So Vlad's been targeting this kid I thought was the detective's son-" 

"The one you thought could see right through you?" 

"...Yes, and you will understand once you meet him, but that's not the problem. The problem is I...kinda turned him into a halfa last night." 

There was silence on the other end, then "*What? Danny what the actual fu-wHAT DID YOU DO????”

"I just touched him Jazz. And it was like my transformation ring spread like fire over him." Danny ran a hand through his hair. "And now someone I think is his older sister is here, and I'm using google translate to try and explain, and there's something else going on she's mad at this professor guy over and...Jazz I need help." He heard her sigh over the phone. 

"Send me your address, I'll be right there."

Danny hung up and texted her the number. He looked over to the girl and Professor, they were talking about something, something that seemed serious. Also that word shinichi kept popping up. It had something to do with Conan, and he really wished he could find a translation.

~

The more Agasa talked, the more Ran wanted to scream. She felt hurt, used. She looked at the child who wasn't still wrapped in her arms. She wanted to rage at him, but he still wouldn't wake up and that kept an undercurrent of worry beneath all her anger. 

"Was this all just a game to him? A joke I was too stupid to figure out?" 

"Ran-kun no he..." Agasa looked at the still unconscious Shinichi. "You've never seen the back and forth. It's torture. He used to scream..." Agasa shut his eyes. In a way he hated that Shinichi had become so used to the pain he didn't anymore. “There was a very real chance each transformation would kill him. As it is, he has permanent heart damage, barring this whole ghost thing that none of us understand." 

"If Shinichi-kun were truly selfish, he could have started over. Left everything behind and began a new life. That would have been the smartest thing he could have done. But he clung to the one thing that made his old life worth keeping. He clung to you, because you were the most important thing he has. And he'd rather face death then leave you behind. He never took a cure without the intent to see you."

But Agasa was wrong. She had heard the screams. In the diplomat’s house, and after the case where Shinichi was being impersonated. She’s always convinced herself they were nothing, since nothing appeared to be wrong afterwards, but that sound had shaken her.

And Shinichi was still Shinichi after that last incident, which meant after being in that pain he’d immediately gone through it again

 “How are you sure? About the heart damage?” Ran asked quietly.

Agasa was quiet for a moment. “Ai-kun had a bad cold and started to feel pain in her stomach. The doctor wanted to do an ultrasound to check her organs, but she was scared, so Conan volunteered.” He didn’t mention that this had been carefully orchestrated. Not the illness or the kidney infection, but when Ai realized she might get an ultrasound she got the idea to give them a chance to check Shinichi’s internal organs in a way she normally couldn’t.

If the technician hadn’t been focused on the frightened little girl and looking at the screen when she held the scanner over Shinichi’s chest…

“I saw the scarring myself, on the ultrasound screen.” Agasa was very solemn. “He’s been cut off from the temporary cures since, but with so much damage already done-”

“Dai-job-boo-dee-sooka?”

They turned and saw Danny, looking at his screen. He was frowning as though he knew the pronunciation of whatever he was trying to say was off. Finally just turned his phone around so they could see what he was trying to say. Daijōbu desu ka Are you okay?

No, she was very much not okay. She fumbled for a moment with her own phone, now even less willing to put him down. ‘Conan’s heart is hurt’

Danny frowned. The kid was a bit young for romantic heartache so - oh. Oh no.

His face must have given something away, because her eyes narrowed. ‘What’

‘I had a bad idea’ he typed back. He didn’t want to say more, but the look she gave him demanded it. ‘Ectoplasm should not affect a normal person, but if he was probably very close to death’

The response hit Ran in the gut harder than any of the blows she’d taken during her matches. Whatever Danny had done to Shinichi had happened because Shinichi was dying. And he was dying because he refused to give her up.

A sudden knocking at the door startled them all. Danny brightened and ran for the door. 

Ran and Agasa shared a confused look.

Danny came back with a young woman with bright red hair. "Hello, you must be Conan's older sister." The girl said in clear, but accented Japanese. "My name's Jazz, Danny's my little brother, he called me to help." 

"Your brother?" Ran asked, even as she inwardly shrunk at the reminder of Danny still being under the misconception she had been until not to long ago. "Are you...like him?" 

"One hundred percent normal human, if that's what you're asking." Jazz reassured. "But I've been helping my brother adapt for the past years, so I'm very familiar with what's going on." Of course the early days were her weak spot, as she hadn't known till about two months later, and hadn't been let in on everything till the stupid test incident. 

"Do you know why he won't wake up?" Ran asked in a small voice. 

Jazz asked Danny something in English, then nodded and turned her attention back to Ran. "Basically his system didn't have the ectoplasm reserves for what he tried to pull off to escape the creature that kidnapped him-" 

The what that did what now? How many loops was she being left out of?

 "-and his body strained itself trying to maintain. He'll sleep until his ectoplasm levels are back at a safe amount. The first time Danny tried pulling a stunt like that, he was out for four hours." 

"His ectoplasm levels? I don't understand. Danny-san said that he'd absorbed some ghost-essence from him but..." 

Jazz pinched her nose. "Right. Google translate. Okay, so normally ectoplasm, the 'Ghost-Essence', has no effect on humans whatsoever. But there are rare cases that involve a lot of ectoplasm and a fair amount of electricity that can alter a human body to the point where their mitochondria start creating it instead of the usual oxygen based chemical energy. This causes the person to exhibit certain ghost-like traits."

"Yūrei hanyou." Ran whispered. 

"In a nutshell." Jazz agreed, making note of the term. She'd take it over halfa, if for no other reason that Vlad must have approved of the term for it to be bandied about so much. 

And now Ran understood what Danny had done. No wonder he'd had trouble explaining it, the concept shouldn't exist. This wasn't some one and done magical side effect of absorbing some ectoplasm from Danny, something that shouldn't have even happened if he hadn't been dying by inches. 

Co-Shinichi was in the process of becoming a yūrei hanyou. That's why he'd looked so strange as Shinichi. Unbidden, every scary story about people becoming monsters flooded her mind. No. No she could not focus on that because obviously it wasn't true. Danny still had a close connection to his human family. His big sister had stood by him, she'd have to too. 

(Though she had no idea how to define her relationship to him at the moment)

 "I can answer any questions you have, but we might want to wait until he wakes up, I'm sure he has a bunch too." Jazz continued on, unaware of all the thoughts running through Ran's head. 

"He speaks English, wouldn't Danny have-"

Jazz let out a frustrated puff of air. "Oh I have no doubt brother dearest tried explaining. But Danny's not," she glanced at her brother, "he's not the most adept at explaining things even when they're not deeply personal and he's not panicking all over the place, which it seems is what he's been doing. Not that he doesn't have reason. This nice family vacation has turned into a cluster." She sighed deeply. "But one thing I really need to impress is how important this is to keep a secret." 

Ran felt something dark curdle in her stomach. That sounded enough like what Agasa-hakase had been saying to bring the bitter feeling back. "Why?" 

Jazz clenched her hand worriedly. "Are you familiar with a law in America called the Anti-Ecto Act? It basically states that 'Ectoplasmic Entities', despite being sentient and sapient, are not living people and don't the same - or any- inalienable rights. And they don't differentiate between yūrei hanyou and true ghosts."

"If Danny was discovered, he'd be taken to a government facility. The Agents were boasting about all the painful experiments they were going to perform on him. Thankfully Danny convinced them they were wrong about him." She certainly wasn't going to go into the magic artifact with mind wiping capacity. 

“But for a short time we had proof of how people would react to a yūrei hanyou's existence. Those that knew him stood by him, but..to anyone else, he was just a monster, a threat. And I don't know if Japan has an equivalent to the Anti-Ecto Act, but I do know that you place a greater emphasis on conformity than America does. And yūrei hanyou definitely break that mold." 

Ran wanted to argue that Shinichi had never conformed to anything, not since preschool when he'd accused the teacher of trying to do something terrible to her. But she knew the difference between excelling and nonconforming, and the truth was Shinichi excelled, physically and mentally. 

This was very different. If word got out Conan was Shinichi, these mysterious people in Black Clothes would kill him. If word got out he was a yūrei hanyou, his life would be effectively over. It felt like balancing on the edge of a knife. Shinichi standing on tiptoe, trying to avoid falling into ruin. "How did your parents take it?" 

Jazz's expression darkened. "Our parents' work was instrumental in helping draft the Anti-Ecto Act."

"What? How could they?" 

"They don't know. Danny always insisted if they did, they'd change. They'd love him anyways. But it's been two years and he hasn't told them. I don't think he's ever going to. In some ways he feels safer with actual malevolent spirits that definitely mean him harm, because he knows they can't hurt him the same way Mom and Dad can." Emotionally or physically. "It's not healthy growing up and hearing your parents talking about how much they'd enjoy ripping apart beings like you 'molecule by molecule'."

Ran shuddered. Hearing it that way, it sounded like the ghosts weren't the scary ones in this scenario. And if Jazz-san was right about Danny not being able to explain things well, Shinichi might have no idea of that added complication. "So what now?" 

"The first month to month and a half are going to be the roughest part. His body doesn't know what to do with its ectoplasm, and will have trouble regulating its use. This results in ghost powers that randomly go off, especially in time of high emotions. After that he'll be able to control it more, no more passing out, for example, since his powers will simply fail rather than push him past his limits. Or accidental power usage. Once he hits the two month mark, he'll be fine, it'll just be a bit awkward until then."

Two months. She could keep it together for two months. “Is there any way to wake him up?” She asked. It helped being told this was normal, but not as much as him waking up would.

“We always let Danny sleep it off, although…” Jazz trailed off as she thought for a moment. “Would you be willing to let Danny hold him?”

“Why?” Ran was loath to let Shinichi go, and moreso to Danny, who was the  reason Shinichi was turning into a yūrei hanyou in the fist place. 

“His body needs ectoplasm right now, and barring letting it generate naturally in his cells, Danny’s the only other source we have.” Jazz explained calmly. 

It made sense and she hated it. She held Conan a little closer and almost screamed as Danny suddenly changed in a burst of white light. The last thing she wanted to do was hand Conan over but…

But she’d seen those green eyes and white hair before. On Shinichi. Danny and Shinichi were the same, being afraid of one would be being afraid of the other, and she couldn’t bring herself to be afraid of Shinichi like that.

She reluctantly handed him over. Danny cradled him and his arms began to glow green.

Before she could change her mind, Shinichi’s eyes blinked open and he looked around blankly. 

~

He felt...not warm, but it felt warm. Like in the laying in a sunbeam way, or being cozy in a blanket on a cold morning. But it wasn’t a temperature thing. It was weird.

He opened his eyes and saw Danny in his ghostly state. “Why are you holding me?” he asked dryly.

“More I’m recharging you.” Danny answered back in the same tone. He raised a glowing hand. “You used up all of your ectoplasm and knocked yourself out. Now that you’re back with us, hopefully your sister can calm down a bit. Also what’s a shinichi, she keeps using that word.”

His sister? Wait, he couldn’t mean… “Ran?”

“Who ran?” Danny asked, but Conan ignored him and looked around.

“Shinichi,” she said in a tone that meant the jig was well and truly up.

“Seriously, what does that mean?” Danny grumbled.

Conan gulped and flickered for a moment.

“Nope, gonna need you to stop that.” Danny chided him. “I know you can’t really help it at this point, but you’re still low on power.”

Conan was only half listening to him, half to the one person in the roof he didn’t know. “Invisibility and Intangibility tend to trigger as a fear response, and if he’s like Danny, he’s going to be on the verge of both of those until he’s more settled.” The young woman then turned to him. “Hello Conan, my name is Fenton Jazz. I’m Danny’s older sister and I’m here to hopefully explain things a little better.”

~

"Now keep in mind, the science of this isn't my main area of expertise, but between listening to my parents ramble my whole life, and helping Danny for the last two years-” Jazz began.  She’d gone into full lecture mode. Ran and Agasa were sitting on the couch with Haibara between them, and Conan between Ran and a once more human Danny.

“- I've picked up a few things. Now mind you some of this will be theoretical, but I'll let you know when those things come up and - Danny are you falling asleep?" The last part was said in English.

"I don't speak Japanese Jazz, I'm not going to get anything from your lecture because I can't understand a word of it. Yesterday sucked and Vlad could be doing something at any moment, plus I was just used as a human battery. Lemme rest."

She rolled her eyes. "Ignoring my brother, let's go back to what makes a ghost." 

"Death." Said Haibara bluntly. 

"Yes, but also no. While the death of a living thing is certainly the most common way ghosts are formed, not all deaths created ghosts, nor are all ghosts the result of something dying. The real answer is ectoplasm.” 

“A living being is made up of two parts, a body and soul. Bodies are well documented, souls less so. They're not physical and made up of what I'm going to call, for lack of a better term, spiritual energy. When a living being dies usually the soul passes over or dissipates - we've got nothing to help figure that out so we're not dwelling on it. But very rarely it doesn't. Instead the spiritual energy in the soul is converted to ectoplasm and the being becomes a ghost." 

"Unlike spiritual energy, Ectoplasm is..." Jazz faltered for a word. "It's more in your face. Where the soul can't be seen, ectoplasm can't help but express itself. It can be solid or ephemeral, and can mimic any state of matter. It's potential can be almost limitless, however the potential in each individual ghost is limited."

"All ghosts have a core, which is a bit to a ghost what a soul is to a living being. Though it's a part of them, it can't be seen or extracted." Her parents had tried, which she didn’t like dwelling on. "But is ineffably a part of them. The core also functions a bit like a nucleus, as it defines what a ghost’s focus is, what powers they have, and their inherent nature. As a ghost's appearance tends to be a reflection of their self image, that can change over time. But the only way to alter a ghost’s core is by forcing them to experience something literally soul shattering. This...it's something that will never end well and that's all I'll say on the matter." She'd seen it happen to Danny in another timeline and she'd never let anyone go through that if she could help it. 

"There are two more kinds of ghosts, but they're not what you want me to be here for, so I'm just going to touch on them briefly. Throw-offs are ghosts that are created by the will of other ghosts, formed of their own ectoplasm but as an independent being. Penelope Spectra, the ghost of an abusive psychologist, created a throw-off named Bertrand to act as her personal assistant. Likewise the self-styled 'Captain Youngblood', the ghost of someone who died as a small child created a parrot to act as both playmate and parental figure. Both of them can shapeshift to better suit their creator's needs, though without a larger sample size I can't say if that's a coincidence or a common trait of Throw-offs."

"The final kind are what I call Spontaneous. The limbo ghosts tend to be stuck in unless they find a way to the world of the living seems to be made primarily of ectoplasm and sometimes unlife just happens. This can range from barely sentient blobs, such as ectopusses, to beings of comparable human intelligence, like Skulker, whom you met yesterday. But for now let's move on to the rarest ectoplasmic beings, which is what you actually need to learn about. Halfas, or as you called them yūrei hanyou."

Jazz motioned to the small boy sitting between Ran and the now snoozing Danny. "Conan-kun here is the fourth to ever exist, as far as we can tell. We only have minor observational data from the first, the third was a special case, so mostly what I'm going on is Danny, since he and his friends have been cataloging data practically since day one." 

Agasa nodded, pleased they had thought to do so. 

"So yūrei hanyou are usually created by a living person being ground zero for a rift between worlds opening due to ectoplasm being charged with an incredibly powerful electrical current. And by which I mean ‘could kill several people in seconds’ powerful. Thankfully the ectoplasm changes it enough that the person exposed enters what I call the 'Schrödinger State'." 

"Alive and dead at the same time." Conan said darkly. 

Jazz nodded. "The person's spiritual energy is fully converted to ectoplasm without the soul separating from their body. This gives you access to a ghost form. In addition, as I explained to Ran-san earlier, the mitochondria in each cell are producing ectoplasm instead of it’s normal adenosine triphosphate, which allows you to manifest ghost powers in your human form. But your body hasn’t learned how to regulate it yet. That's why you're unstable right now. Not helping that is because of the energized ectoplasm that creates them, yūrei hanyou are by default some of the most powerful ghosts in existence."

"Really?" Ran asked with some trepidation. She didn't like hearing about ghosts, though the more lecture-like nature of Jazz as opposed to Sonoko's scary stories made it more palpable. 

"As I said, despite what living in Amity Park might have you believe, becoming a ghost is really really rare. Much less than 1% of people who die become ghosts and those who do are mostly weak enough that if they make it to the land of the living they can't be seen, heard, or affect anything. Most ghosts need to find a way to siphon energy from elsewhere to boost themselves enough to do anything. Some feed off human emotions, others find a nexus point saturated in ectoplasmic energy. But the process can take years to decades depending on the abundance of the source. And that level of power, the type that takes decades to achieve. That's your starting point."

"Power absorbed through the environment or emotions is reliable, but temporary. They would constantly need to recharge to maintain a steady output." Hence Spectra's need to feed the misery that fed her. Without a flowing source her power consumption far outstripped what her core was capable of. "That's not to say ghosts can't become more powerful in their own right, just that it's not a quick process." 

"Here's where we're entering some of the more theoretical stuff, namely how Ghosts can permanently raise their power. One theory is self awareness. Ghosts who are the result of dead humans tend to be composed of memories and emotions from when they were alive. And that in better understanding those, they deepen their own abilities. I won't say it's untrue, but as many ghosts wouldn't have the patience for it, it would be at least highly uncommon." 

"Some, shall we say, rather biased individuals believe ghosts can strengthen themselves through human suffering. They are wrong. While ghosts can feed off human emotions, including negative ones, as we established before it's a temporary fix. Then we get to the theory I have the most faith in. Obsession fulfillment." 

"What fulfillment?" Conan asked, startled.

Jazz winced. She was used to this part being common knowledge. "I mentioned ghosts tend to be made of emotions and memories. Usually there's something tying it all together into a drive. This drive, usually referred to as a fixation or obsession, is central to the ghost's being and usually forms their identity to a greater degree." 

"It's...easier for yūrei hanyou. It's there, but more of a compulsion than an all consuming drive. Something they can choose to ignore, but it won't necessarily be easy to do." 

"So I'm going to develop one of these?" Conan's voice was small. 

Ran snorted. "Going to? You've been obsessed with mysteries and mystery solving since at least kindergarten. I really doubt there's going to be a noticeable difference."

"Going back to before,” Jazz continued, though it would be cute if Conan-kun’s thing was solving mysteries to be like his father, “it's my personal theory that the best way for ghosts to grow their core is by successfully doing whatever their fixation is focused on. It also explains the growth difference between Vlad and Danny." 

Conan had been looking like he was halfway between sulking and being relieved, but he shot straight up at the mention of their culprit. "How so?" 

"Vlad's fixation is about having things. Once he had his powers stable, it was easy for him to just take whatever he wanted through force or trickery. He's only been active twenty some years, but his power levels had risen to a degree it takes most ghosts centuries to obtain. Talking with other ghosts I've been able to chart a pretty steady growth - until two years ago." 

Conan raised an eyebrow at Jazz's self satisfied smile. "What happened two years ago?" 

"Vlad found three things he couldn't obtain through money or power. Ownership of the Green Bay Packers, since they can't be owned by an individual by their charter. The love of his college sweetheart, since Mom has standards. And for Danny to love him like a father and hate our actual Dad. Don't think I have to explain why that's not happening. But because of those three things, he wasn't getting what he wanted. He tried to get them, but it didn't strengthen him since he never actually succeeded." 

"Danny's fixation is-" Jazz rolled her eyes fondly, "- being a hero. He's driven to help people who need help, even putting his personal safety at risk. It's something he sadly gets to indulge in often, sometimes multiple times a day. As a result Danny's growth has eclipsed Vlad to the point where he's almost caught up to Vlad's core power level in a mere two years." 

It was good to know there was a strong chance Danny could supersede Vlad in not too much time, at least on one playing field, but that brought up a new worry. "So if my thing is solving mysteries, and I solve them fairly frequently, this is going to get worse?"

"Worse is a bad way to think about it." Jazz said gently. "I won't say parts of it aren't going to suck, especially for the next month or so, but it's not all bad. However illogical they may be, powers are useful as long as you have control, and that's something you can have with a bit of work. Can you honestly tell me there's no time being invisible would have been useful as a detective? Or walking through walls would have made an escape easier?" 

He didn't like how easily past examples filled his head. Heck, if he's been invisible when spying on Vodka that night, he wouldn't be three feet high now. "I still don't like it." 

"Neither did Danny at first. In fact he downright hated it. But now it's so much a part of him, I don't think he'd know what to do if he got back to normal." Honestly probably get himself badly hurt trying to protect other people. "Do you want me to keep going, or is that enough for one day? I know it's a lot." 

"If there's nothing vital, I think I'm good." He had more than enough to dwell on. 

"I don't know if Danny's mentioned this, but be aware around things meant to ward against spirits, they can be uncomfortable." Jazz advised. "Other than that you should be good." 

Ran sighed and glanced at her watch. "We should probably go home. Dad will be getting worried."

"You go. I think I should stay here until I'm a bit more stable." Conan winced, "Imagine trying to explain any of this to him. And it's not like I can hide it." As if to prove his point, he started to sink into the cushions. 

"Danny wake up!" Jazz said sharply. Danny shot awake and rolled forward, ready for a fight. Jazz simply pointed to where Conan was stuck in the couch. He rolled his eyes and turned his arms intangible to pull him out. "Would it be okay if my brother stays too? He can help Conan and act as a defense if Vlad tries to silence him again." 

"Certainly. There's not a lot of extra bed space but there's somewhere Shinichi and he can go if needed." Agasa said

“Who’s Shinichi?” Jazz asked.

“There’s that word again,” Danny muttered.

There were awkward looks abound, but no one answered either sibling. Jazz sighed. “Unless you have anymore questions, I’ll see you tomorrow Danny.”

Danny blinked. “Tomorrow? Aren’t I going to the hotel with you?”

Jazz rolled her eyes. “I just said you should stay with Conan to help him manage his powers and in case Vlad makes another attempt.”

That made sense but…”I’m guessing, like most of what you’ve been saying, you said it in Japanese. The language you know I don’t speak.” He grinned, knowing he had her.

Jazz stared at him a moment, then pinched her nose. “Point to you. I’m still heading out.”

“Wait,” Danny stopped her. “In your lecture did you mention Halfa’s regeneration ability?”

“No, and you really should start using yūrei hanyou, like they do.” Jazz advised.

Danny rolled his eyes. “And why would I want to change the only word I’ve had for myself for the past two years.”

“Do you really think all those ghosts would use a word to describe Vlad that he didn’t personally approve of?”

Okay, any distance between himself and Vald was good. “Okay, but seriously. Please tell her about yurry hanyo healing.”

“Yūrei hanyou,” Jazz corrected his pronunciation. “And they’ve all had to deal with a lot of new information at once. Non essential things-”

“It’s essential. Trust me.”

Danny looked so serious Jazz sighed and gave in. “Before I go, brother dearest wants me to go into a little more detail on one of the perks of being a yūrei hanyou, namely their healing capacity. Though not instantaneous, they do heal much faster than baseline humans and can recover completely from injuries humans never could without so much as a scar. I have a theory about how it’s related to their core, but that’s far from proven.”

Injuries...like heart scarring. Ran gave Danny a grateful look. “Thank you.” Both for telling her and...she may not have liked the idea of Shinichi becoming a weird ghost hybrid, but from what she’d been told earlier, it very well have saved his life.

Agasa and Ai shared a look of their own. They’d need confirmation but if that were true it would be a huge relief to both of them. Conan glanced around and read the reactions of everyone except for the honestly confused Jazz. “You told them.” He accused Agasa.

“Yes he did.” Ran confirmed.  “And I’m glad he did. And- we can talk about this later.” It was obvious Danny and Jazz didn’t know the truth about Shinichi and it wasn’t her place to tell them. “But rest assured, we will.”

Conan gulped and his form flickered again, before vanishing completely from sight.

“It’s a good sign your ectoplasm is regenerating.” Jazz said. “That being said, it’s obvious there’s something you’re not telling us, so if you’re trying to keep other people from figuring it out, you need to be better about the fact that you’re hiding a secret. I won’t ask what it is, we understand better than most how life or death a secret can be.  But at least one of your secrets isn’t just your own.” With that, she walked out.

Danny sighed heavily. “I really need to learn Japanese.”

[yjhgvf]

So… I was planning to write the (gijinka) ‘Menadora Family Campout Fic’ (The AI!Pickle AU Pickle Family Campout Episode), but literally the first scene, the replacement for the scene where Pickle falls off a cliff and Blaze saves him and then they leave for the campout, which took like 2-3 minutes in the actual episode, ended up being, *checks google doc* 3.5k fucking words. So since I write too goddamn much, and my writing is kinda shit anyways, have the first scene of the fic that I may or may not continue writing.

~~~

It was a warm summer day on the outskirts of Axle City, more specifically in the forests near the city. The perfect day to play a game of basketball, or maybe do a bit of friendly racing, or, in the case of one individual and his computerized companion stopped on the side of the road in an area between the forest and a canyon, do some camping.

“Are you sure we have to check the supplies again?” A large, old-school computer monitor with a surprisingly crystal clear display was sat on a flat rock. The image on the computer was of a majorelle blue head with generally straight but at the same time curved bangs and hair as well as simple vivid cerulean eyes on a space colored dark blue background. The head had a face that displayed annoyance with a hint of anger.

“Pickle, I need to make sure we have everything we need for the campout. I don’t want to disappoint my family.” A foot or two away from the computer monitor was a dark cornflower blue haired, definitely white male with antenna headphones and a somewhat dirty lab coat. His hair was almost block-like, covering one almost black colored eye with almost straight ends, while the other eye was miraculously uncovered due to two laurel green barrettes pushing the hair aside. The male was rooting through a knapsack, taking out various items and placing them beside him.

“But Crusher, you’re taking forever!” Pickle’s face changed from annoyance to impatience. “By the time you’re done checking over our stuff for the 4th time since we’ve left, it’ll probably already be nighttime.” He earned himself a glare from Crusher, who had practically emptied the knapsack. He turned towards the monitor.

“This won’t take too long, just as long as you cooperate. Now could you please pull up the list.” Crusher half snapped. Pickle let out a huff and his head disappeared from the screen, being replaced by a list of various items.

“Alright. We have a flashlight, my sleeping bag, bug spray,” Pickle crossed off items on the list as Crusher put the items back in his knapsack, “sunscreen, multi-tool, axe, duct tape.”

“What is this, a kidnapping?”

“Shut up, Pickle. Matches, water bottle, books, poncho, generator, hand cranked radio.”

“This isn’t the apocalypse, Crusher.”

“Pickle. Compass, binoculars, phone charger, charcoal, trash bags, and roasting sticks. Am I forgetting anything?”

“The marshmallows!” Pickle exclaimed as the list was eradicated from the screen and his head once again came up.

“Right. We have those in the truck. Thank you.” Crusher lifted up the knapsack, slightly stumbling from the weight of it, and walked over to his truck, opening the back door and placing it in the back seat. He shut the back door and then immediately opened the passenger door before making his way to Pickle. He picked up the monitor, stumbling quite a bit from the weight of a literal fucking computer monitor, and slowly carryed it over to the truck.

“Careful you don’t drop me! I don’t really want to experience breakage again.”

“This monitor is surprisingly durable. It survived Libra throwing it down three flights of stairs.”

“Libra? As in the constellation? How did a group of stars manage to do that?”

“No, Pickle. Libra as in my cousin. You’ll meet her when we get to the campsite.” Crusher explained as he carefully placed the monitor in the passenger seat and put the seatbelt around it. He shut the door and got in on the driver’s side, starting up the truck and putting it in reverse.

“Alright, Pickle. Now that we’re sure that we have everything, we can have a smooth ride to the campground. It seems you did a good parking job too. I’ll just back up so we have more room to get out, then we’ll be on our way.” Crusher was about to lightly step on the gas. Pickle’s face lit up (metaphorically, not literally).

“I almost forgot to tell you! I parked the truck almost right next to the cliff so you’d already have room to get out fine! If you were to reverse, we’d fall straight off the cliff!” Pickle excitedly exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, you WHA-” Crusher had stepped on the gas. Luckily, before the truck rolled off the cliff, Crusher quickly slammed on the brakes and put the truck in park. The truck didn’t have much time to react, but luckily stopped just in time, not without jostling the passengers inside.

…

Nah, I’m just kidding. Crusher didn’t have enough time to react and the truck went straight off the cliff.

Crusher’s life flashed before his eyes as he screamed and held on for dear life. The truck roughly rolled down the canyon, never granting mercy towards the human driving it or the AI in the passenger seat. Not that Pickle was really bothered. Pickle was more or less having the time of his life as he felt as if he was on a roller coaster, if the roller coaster was one of those roller coasters GrayStillPlays builds in RollerCoaster Tycoon 3.

The truck roughly, but finally, came to a stop at the bottom of the cliff. By now, the airbags had deployed, keeping Crusher safe from any major injuries. The knapsack was open and it’s contents had spilled on the backseat floor, but Crusher didn’t care at the moment. All he was focusing on was regaining his composure and keeping himself from panicking. The truck was filled with silence.

“I told you we’d fall off the cliff.” Pickle said after a minute or two had passed.

“YEAH, THAT WAS WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO DRIVE!” Crusher screamed at him.

“No. I told you before you pressed on the gas. You had time to react.”

“NO I FUCKING DIDN’T!”

“But… I would have had time to react…”

“I’M NOT AN AI PROGRAM, I CAN’T JUST…” Crusher paused and let out a sigh. It was no use trying to argue with Pickle, as the AI would most likely need a thorough explanation in order to understand. “You know what, forget it. We have more important things to worry about. Like if the tru-”

“LIKE IF THE MARSHMALLOWS ARE OK!” Pickle shouted in horror.

“No! Like if the truck’s ok!” Crusher countered as he fumbled to unbuckle his seatbelt and get out of the truck. He backed up from the truck in order to take a look at it. The truck had dents all over it, with the biggest one directly on the front of the truck, where the engine was.

“Fucking great.” Crusher mumbled. He ran some thoughts in his head as he went to the passenger side to take Pickle out of the truck.

He didn’t want to get back in and drive the truck, as it was too dangerous and most likely a bomb at this point. It was also too dangerous to use his magnokinesis, as he didn’t have any ideas on a machine to get them out of the canyon, and even if he did, he still didn’t want to take the risk of driving the truck-bomb to the machine just for a simpler way of getting it out. He could find a way out of the canyon on foot and then come back to drive the truck there, or perhaps he could have his map app on his phone find a way out.

It was now that he wished Pickle had all the features he normally had in the lab. The old-school computer monitor, as durable as it was (that’s why it was ideal for travel), didn’t allow for all the fancy features Pickle had in the lab on the main computer, such as a pathfinding program and DuckDuckGo. Crusher could barely fit the main computer parts in the monitor and had to compact all the parts majorly so that they all fit and still kept room open in case he had to put an extra part in there for emergencies. He sadly had to sacrifice DuckDuckGo for Bing in order to accomplish that, and he promised DuckDuckGo that when he was able to compact Pickle’s parts to allow more room in the monitor, he’d add it first.

By now, Crusher had placed Pickle on the canyon floor. As expected, the monitor had little to no damage. It’d take a lot more than a truck falling off a maybe 250 ft cliff in order to put a dent in the monitor. Crusher really got his money’s worth out of the monitor, because who knew $20 would get you such a sturdy piece of technology. He walked back over to the truck and opened the back door to take a look at how much had fallen out of the knapsack. A large portion of the items had fallen out, but a majority of them were undamaged from the looks of it. The only damage he could observe at the moment was the glass on the compass being shattered, the axe severing the duct tape, and the marshmallows being squished.

“Are the marshmallows ok?!” Pickle shouted from where he was, not being able to see the inside of the truck.

“Depends. Do you like squished marshmallows?” Crusher replied sarcastically as he began to pick up the fallen contents and place them back into the knapsack.

“What?! Damn it! I was looking forward to eating those!” Pickle’s face snapped from fading neutrality to anger. Crusher rolled his eyes.

“You can’t even eat, Pickle. Besides, we need to focus on getting out of here. I might have to call a tow truck as soon as I get the knapsack all packed up again.” Crusher grumbled as he continued to carefully pack the items, examining each one he picked up for damage. He unfortunately found that the can of bug spray had gotten a crack and was slowly, but annoyingly leaking. He would have used the duct tape to fix it, but the duct tape was busy making out with the axe inside it, so he couldn’t. Frustrated, he threw the can at the offending canyon he’d rolled down not even 15 minutes ago at this point.

“Oh oh oh! I can call a tow truck for you!” Pickle exclaimed, a little too excited to help, as his face quickly changed from anger to happiness. Crusher briefly turned towards him and gave an approving nod before going back to repacking. Pickle paused for some time, turning up his volume as loud as it could go. And then…

“TOW TRUCK!!! WE NEED A TOW TRUCK!!!” Crusher practically had a heart attack from Pickle’s screaming, and proceeded to whip his head around with murder written in his expression.

“Why would you DO that?!” Crusher angrily questioned. Pickle gave a neutral expression.

“I was calling a tow truck. Just like I said I would.”

“Do you really think anyone will hear your screaming?!”

“You clearly did, so someone might!”

“Pickle, that’s because I’m right ne-” Crusher was cut off by the loud sound of a horn. A familiar horn at that. Where had he heard that horn before? Oh wait. No. No fucking way did he of all people hear Pickle’s obnoxious and idiotic screaming for help. Crusher couldn’t believe it, but as he looked up, he saw a large, gray and red shadow pass over them from one side of the canyon, emitting a sharp flash of bright red midair before landing gracefully on the other side.

“It’s Blaze!” Pickle happily shouted, representing both canyon dwellers’ thoughts. Crusher dropped the knapsack on the ground in shock. He quickly picked up the binoculars, conveniently the final item he needed to put back in, from off the floor of the back seat and ran beside Pickle, putting them to his eyes and focusing on the higher up truck. The truck wasn’t Blaze’s normal monster truck, but was instead a tow truck. Crusher lowered the binoculars in disbelief.

“Did he just turn his truck into a tow truck?” Crusher was familiar with Blaze’s transforming vehicle. He had seen Blaze use it multiple times in order to combat his cheats. And as annoying as it was, Crusher was bewildered by the fact that Blaze would use his transformation superpowers to save him of all people. Actually, it wasn’t bewildering. Crusher was saved by Blaze multiple times, and those transforming capabilities were used on all of those occasions. Crusher really wanted to know how Blaze was able to freely alter the shape of his vehicle to fit the needs of any situation, but wasn’t the time to wonder that. He saw Blaze get out of his truck and run to the edge of the cliff. He assumed Blaze was looking at him and Pickle, so he waved up to him. Blaze waved back from where he was and went towards his truck, grabbing the tow hook and returning to the edge of the cliff.

“What’s he doing?” Pickle asked as they both watched in intrigue.

“Perhaps finding a way to get down to us.” Crusher responded, once again raising the binoculars to his eyes in order to check out Blaze. Blaze had attached the tow hook to a harness he had and was quickly, but carefully, moving down the cliff.

“Crusher, we should bring the truck closer to Blaze for when he gets down! The cable is most likely not long enough!” Pickle pointed out.

“I can’t drive it closer. The engine might be leaking and the car could explode.” Crusher told him, shaking his head as he pulled the binoculars down. Meanwhile, Blaze got to the bottom of the cliff. He removed the tow hook from his harness and moved towards the duo, but suddenly stopped a quarter of the way there when the cable ran out of length, as Pickle predicted. Crusher winced as he looked towards the truck, then back at Blaze, unsure of what to do as he thought.

“What if you put the truck in neutral, and then pushed it?” Pickle asked. Crusher thought about it for a bit, and then his eyes widened in realization.

“That...might actually work!” Crusher exclaimed, running back to the truck, flinging open the driver’s side door, turning on the engine, and shifting the gear into neutral. Immediately, he felt the car roll forward, and quickly shut the door and went to the totalled front, finding two good places to put his hands and pushing. He was meant with resistance at first, but he was able to start slowly moving it towards Blaze. Pickle watched in excitement.

“Go, Crusher! You can do it!” He cheered. Whether it was encouragement from Pickle’s cheers or leftover adrenaline from being in a car crash, Crusher began to push harder on the truck, causing the truck to move faster as it reached Blaze.

“You’re good, Crusher!” Blaze shouted as the truck was finally close enough for him to hook the tow hook on. Crusher stopped pushing and caught his breath as he walked over to the side of the truck, leaning against it. Blaze also walked over to the side where Crusher was, giving him a friendly smile before taking a look at the truck.

“Wow. Your truck’s really banged up. What happened?” Blaze questioned as he took in all the damage Crusher’s truck had sustained.

“Long story short, I’m never trusting Pickle to park anything again. You know, you never realize how big cliffs are until you fall down one.” Crusher explained. Blaze slightly winced at the explanation.

“Well, AJ and I are here to get your truck out! We now just need to find a way to get you and Pickle out.”

“Leave that to me. It’s safer to build something now that I don’t have the truck to worry about.” Crusher responded. Blaze gave a nod and turned to AJ on top of the cliff, giving him a signal to wind up the cable. Crusher turned around and walked back over to where Pickle and the knapsack were, putting the knapsack on as he lifted up Pickle.

“Wow! That was amazing! You were really strong!” Pickle exclaimed as Crusher walked back over to Blaze and AJ pulling the truck out of the canyon.

“Yep. Now we just need to get out. And luckily it’s safe enough to make an easy way out. Any suggestions?”

“Hmmm.” Pickle closed his eyes in thought. “How about…”

“We don’t have all day, Pickle. We need to get to the campgrounds.”

“Be patient, I’m thinking! Oh oh! An elevator! Like a really simple elevator!”

“Alright. I think I can do that.” Crusher switched to holding Pickle in only one hand. He closed his eyes and focused, stretching out a hand towards the edge of the canyon. The antennas on his headphones gave off sparks of lightning and pieces of scrap metal flew out from underneath his lab coat. Pickle watched in amazement as the pieces assembled a medium sized platform elevator (with handrails of course) stretching to the top of the canyon. Crusher opened his eyes and lowered his hand as the sparks stopped coming out from the antennas.

“Wow! That’s cool, Crusher!” Blaze shouted as he came over to where they were. AJ seemed to be having no trouble bringing the truck up, so Crusher assumed that Blaze just needed a ride up. Crusher stepped on the left side of the elevator platform, motioning for Blaze to get on the right side. Blaze gracefully got onto the right side and looked expectantly at Crusher.

“Hang on tight, because we’re going up!” Crusher exclaimed as he pointed upwards. As if on command, the elevator began to rise towards the top of the canyon. Blaze and Pickle gasped in amazement as they saw the view.

“Woah! This looks beautiful!” Blaze exclaimed.

“The canyon does look much better when slowly rising than quickly falling. Pickle analyzed, earning him another glare from Crusher. Soon enough, the three reached the top. Blaze and Crusher stepped off the elevator, the latter raising his free hand and snapping his fingers twice, causing the elevator to split apart back into scrap metal that returned itself back to it’s compartment under Crusher’s lab coat. The truck was already on solid not canyon ground, and AJ got out of the tow truck that retrieved it, running over to Blaze and exchanging a high five.

“Thanks for the help, I guess.” Crusher said. Pickled nodded in agreement.

“No problem you guys.” AJ replied, giving a thumbs up. “Your car’s looking rough though. We’ll have to take it to Gabby’s Garage as soon as possible.” He said, concerned.

“Where were you two even heading anyways?” Blaze questioned, focusing his eyes on Crusher’s knapsack and binoculars.

“We’re going camping with Crusher’s family!” Pickle told them, happiness spread across his face.

“Or at least we were.” Crusher introjected, focused on the totalled truck they were planning on driving. “Now that we don’t have any way to get there… I’m not sure what to do.” Blaze and AJ looked at each other for a few moments and nodded.

“We can drive you guys there! Maybe we can even stay for a bit before taking your car to Gabby’s.” Blaze offered.

“Really?! You’d do that?!” Pickled asked, his face lighting up even more with happiness. Crusher meanwhile quirked an eyebrow.

“Of course! We’re happy to take you guys there!” AJ replied. Pickle looked up at Crusher, non verbally asking for his opinion. This prompted Blaze and AJ to also look at Crusher expectantly. Crusher was silent for a few seconds.

“Fine. I can give you guys the directions and you can take us to the campsite.” Crusher hesitantly responded. A ‘yay’ came from Pickle as excited thumbs ups came from Blaze and AJ.

The four of them went to the tow truck, with Blaze getting in the driver’s seat, AJ getting in the passenger’s seat, and Crusher and Pickle getting in the back. Crusher buckled in Pickle’s monitor, then handed AJ the directions to tell Blaze, and finally relaxed. He’d actually be able to see part of his family after so long, especially his siblings. He was excited, but also nervous to see them face to face after a year. He didn’t really engage much with his family due to being busy. The only member he regularly interacted with was his grammy, and even then, he didn’t see her too often. Would they accept him as if he’s always been there? Would they even remember him? Would they think he’s just some weirdo with a computer for a best friend?

Crusher felt those questions along with many more plague his brain, but as Blaze started to drive towards the campsite, Crusher decided not to let the questions bother him. After all, his siblings hating him for being gone wouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen to him. No, that spot now belonged to Pickle’s driving. He’s going to have to install a driving program into that monitor now. Which means more time for DuckDuckGo to wait.

~~~

[rachelthompsonauthor]

What is social proof? It’s a marketing concept that we are all inadvertently, unknowingly contributing to every time we click on, retweet, like, reply or comment, and share any kind of social media, article, or blog post on the net. Technically, social proof, as defined by Sprout Social is:

The concept that people will follow the actions of the masses. The idea is that since so many other people behave in a certain way, it must be the correct behavior.

Social Proof and Me

As an author, social media is a hugely important part of my author platform, as it is for any writer or blogger. This is how we connect with readers now, even before the pandemic. Virtual, online events are now the norm. Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Live video discussions are the new book signings. Twitter chats are weekly on any number of topics; I have two of my own, in fact, #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est.

All important for visibility, branding, and most importantly, connection.

However…there’s a limit. I reached my limit over the course of this past year. It didn’t come all at once. It came, little by little, reaching a peak this past month or so.

Why? How? Me, the so-called social media expert?

Access. Like many people, I have issues with the incredible level of access Facebook gives people once we friend them without our consent. PMs (private messages) are automatic, now with the ability for people to call, voice, and video message us, with no option to shut these options to OFF unless we unfriend the person (we can, however, mute a specific conversation). Technically, we do give them consent in the legal mumbo jumbo we all agreed to when we joined back in the 2010s.

I am not okay with this. And Facebook doesn’t care. Nobody cares. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, Karen. Shut up, already. Stop your whining, white lady.” I get it. I do. First-world problems.

I counter with: I hear you. It’s also part of my business. A huge part. Here’s why:

As someone who manages over 70+ various social media accounts as part of my BadRedhead Media business, plus my own accounts as well, Facebook requires I have a personal account in order to manage all those other Pages. I do understand why, particularly with all the ridiculousness of the past four years with the abundance of fake accounts, fake news, and such.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and stalking, this is ultra-concerning to me. So, what happened this past month or so? Suffice it to say, one person repeatedly tried calling me. I never pick up Facebook calls, especially if I don’t know you. Another left me a few voice messages saying they were offended by something.

Yet another left me another message in ALL SHOUTY CAPS that she didn’t find what I posted inspirational enough and she expected better from someone who is “supposedly on the side of authors.”

Oh, and there is the one lady who started replying on ALL my posts to the kind people who did comment that she didn’t think I replied often enough or to her satisfaction.

Well. I’ve been criticized before. You should read some of my 1-star reviews. There’s plenty!

But, for whatever reason, this struck a chord. I got up in my feels. I cried. I talked with one of them and we worked it out because we like and respect each other’s work in the mental health space. The others I blocked. It’s darn frustrating to donate hours of my time each week to helping writers solely because I want to, only to be told it’s not enough. Like, seriously? Fuck off.

My blood raged. My heart sank. Understandable, right?

But what really made me angry is that I put myself in that position by being available. I accepted that ‘it is what it is.’ This is what the social media platforms have given us, so that’s what I have to work within.

I’m too available. It’s too easy to leave me shitty messages. This is why people hire people like me – to handle this crap for them! So they don’t have to read these ridiculous criticisms from judgy people who apparently have nothing better to do or are having a bad day.

And I get bad days. It’s a damn pandemic. We’re all struggling. Where’s the damn compassion for one another?

I have a dislike/hate relationship with Facebook anyway, since about ten or so years ago when I discovered that a past love had died by suicide by going to his personal profile and seeing, “RIP dude,” messages there. We had spoken early that day. It still haunts me.

So…what to do? I’m claiming my time. I’m not posting to my personal Facebook profile right now. I’m ignoring it. I am checking my Pages and of course, my client Pages. When I feel like I can face it again, I will cull my ‘friends’ down from *checks real quick* 4385 people to maybe, I don’t know, the few hundred in my groups, many of whom I do know and treasure.

Social Proof and You

If you’re a writer, social proof matters. This is the world we live in. Publishing is not only writing.

You need to be ‘findable,’ not only on Google, but also on each individual social platform, so your readers can learn more about you and hopefully, buy your books. If you go the traditional route, publishers and agents want to know how many followers you have (easily upped by buying fake followers or likes from Fiverr or wherever). I suggest not doing that, because:

1) fake followers don’t buy books 

2) it’s usually pretty obvious when you have fake followers because they’re all foreign names, have questionable bios, and no tweets

3) do you really want to start your publishing career with a lie? 

They also want to know what you post, how often, and what your branding is. If you’re an indie author, honestly, the same applies. Social proof is about connection, building relationships, and authenticity. I’ve believed that since I started my business and writing career way back in 2011, and I stand by it now. Start slow, grow slow. It’s not a race.

I’m the furthest thing you’ll even find from a conspiracy theorist – I don’t believe in chemtrails, pizza parlor cabals, or that the earth is flat. However, I am a realist. Watch The Social Dilemma sometime. These huge tech companies share our data without our knowledge or consent (Cambridge Analytics, anyone?). Younger generations are so used to this, they don’t really care – ask them.

(My kids think having a chip implanted in their hands with all their data is a fabulous idea. “So much easier than having to talk and repeat everything over and over. Just scan me and be done with it,” says my daughter Anya (21). “Agree,” grunts my son, Lukas (15). Buy stuff, go to the doctor, whatever. Scan and go. Talk with any GenZ kid, you’ll likely get a similar answer. They’ve been tracked since birth everywhere. They don’t know life without a computer, tablet, or phone in their hands.)

Know that whatever we do, it’s all part of each platforms’ AI, and they share data, which is why that darling pair of shoes you just saw on Amazon is now showing up on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and every website you visit going forward. It’s all about the money, and they all get a piece of that affiliate link.

Every bit of every click is recorded, even when you’re watching videos on YouTube, or a subscription service like Netflix, or perusing goods on Amazon. It’s all connected. I’m not shocked or surprised by any of this, are you?

It’s Not Personal

What people say to us and about us is ultimately incredibly revealing about them. We know this, at an intellectual, psychological, and emotional level. Still, when people say mean things, it hurts. We’re human.

Does it matter in the overall scope of our lives? Who can say. It matters at that moment. It can matter when it comes to overall visibility when you’re marketing your book(s) or trying to get that book contract or interview. Only you can say if it matters to you.

Already a longtime fan of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took a moment to reorient myself with this one agreement: Don’t take anything personally. I also stumbled across an excellent short and entertaining TEDTalk by Frederick Imbo. His main message to stop taking things personally is two-fold;

It’s not about me. Look at the other person’s intention and

It IS about me. Give yourself some empathy. Speak up. Ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel and be vulnerable with your needs.

I’m glad I was able to, inadvertently, employ point #2 and work out some issues with one of the people by telling him what he said made me cry. He apologized. I apologized. We talked it through and we’re still friends.

Ultimately, social media is what we contribute to it. What we make it. How much we allow of it into our lives. Social proof is going along with the tide. I’ve been in this space since 2008. Being connected to others is a big part of the work I do to help and support not only other writers, but also other childhood sexual abuse survivors. However, I’ve reached that point. I knew it was coming.

I’m not shutting my doors. I’m just adding a screen. With a strong lock.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

Please subscribe to my newsletter so we can stay in touch!

Mailing List Sign Up

Email*

Name

First Last

Privacy*

By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.

jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 8) {} } );jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} ); jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [8, 1]) } );

The post What Is Social Proof and Does It Matter, Really? appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

[imaginetonyandbucky]

The Buy In

Chapter 7: Just One Night

by @dracusfyre

Bucky waited nervously for Tony to show up, forcing himself not to pace but unable to stop tapping his fingers against his knee as he sat on the couch and ignored the show he’d put on the television. In the past few hours he’d come to terms with the difficult realization that he was going to have to go to his handlers and recuse himself from this assignment. Having already made the decision to protect Tony from the raid, he couldn’t trust himself to not tamper with the investigation further, which would violate everything he believed in. Removing himself would set the investigation back for months, maybe even longer – which he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about – but he couldn’t go through the motions for a mission he didn’t believe in. That was the whole reason he’d gotten out of the Army all those years ago. He knew he’d probably get busted down to traffic cop for his trouble, but it was the right thing to do.

All of which meant that Bucky had given himself permission to not be on duty during this dinner – he wasn’t going to try to glean more information about Tony’s operations or ask any probing questions so he couldn't make the conflict of interest any worse. Instead, Bucky could be nervous about the real matter at hand, which was that he was about to go on a date with a guy that Bucky liked way more than he should.

Not that it could go anywhere, Bucky told himself. He was still a cop, and Tony was still a crime lord, and he’d been lying to the man for months now. In any event, once he recused himself from the case, he would have to disappear from Stark’s life and reach completely; if he was being honest with himself, the smartest thing to do for his career would be to start looking for a new position outside of New York City right now, but he shied away from that thought for reasons he didn't want to think about too deeply.

But all of that was for future Bucky to worry about. For now, he was about to go out to dinner with a man who had been a runner up in People Magazine’s Sexiest Man of the Year contest multiple years in a row and who still made it onto the list of New York’s most eligible bachelors despite his “alleged” criminal ties. A man who liked chocolate chip cookies and fed bits of chicken to stray cats when he thought no one was looking.

Bucky blew out a breath and realized that he hadn’t brushed his teeth, so he got up and was headed for the bathroom when the buzz of his phone against the coffee table made him jump.

Here! The message came from an unknown number, but it had to be Tony. Bucky quickly swished some mouthwash and grabbed his wallet as he stepped into his shoes.

As soon as he got into the car he realized he had been so busy having a third-of-life crisis that he hadn’t even thought about where to go for dinner. “Hey,” he managed, feeling all of the excruciating awkwardness of a first date. Tony was dressed a lot like he had been earlier, with a suit coat over a plain shirt, but tonight it was black on black with a gleam of silver at Tony’s wrist. Bucky did his best not to stare but judging from the way the corner of Tony’s mouth was curling up, he probably failed.

“Hey, yourself, Blue Eyes,” Tony said. He gave Bucky an appreciative glance, lingering on his freshly shaven face, before he pulled away from the curb, which went a long way towards making Bucky feel less awkward. “You like Italian?”

“What’s not to like?” Bucky said philosophically.

“Good man,” Tony said. “My mother was Italian, so when I say this place has the best Italian food in the city, I know what I’m talking about." The drive went by quickly despite city traffic; Bucky asked about his mother’s family and in return got a ton of entertaining stories about Tony’s summers on his mother’s estate, including getting locked outside naked when a girl’s parents came home unexpectedly early. Soon enough they drove past a restaurant with people waiting outside, and Tony pulled around into the alley behind the restaurant that had at least four NO PARKING signs posted with a varying number of exclamation points and underlining. When Tony saw Bucky looking at one, he shrugged. “I don’t count,” he said, which Bucky could believe. They went in the back door of the restaurant and were immediately greeted by a smiling waiter, who escorted them to a private room where a table was set for two. The table was dwarfed by the space; this was clearly a room meant for a wedding or birthday party, but Tony must have reserved it just for them. The waiter took their drink orders (“Your usual, Mr. Stark?”) and as he left pulled a heavy curtain across the entrance to the room and the noise of the rest from the restaurant was muted. The lighting in the room was dim, the table was small, and the intimate feeling was exacerbated by the candle on the table.

Bucky started to say something about it, then realized he probably shouldn’t call attention to how romantic everything looked for the sake of his own sanity. He grabbed his menu and studied it, aware that Tony, having probably already memorized the menu, was studying him from across the table. “Are you going to judge me based on what I order?” he asked, meeting Tony’s eyes from over the top of the menu.

“Yes.”

“So it’s a test.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at Tony, as if trying to read his thoughts. After a moment, he folded his menu. “What do you recommend?”

Tony’s smile was blinding. “The eggplant rollatini with the tartufo for dessert.”

“Sounds delicious.” The waiter came back for their orders, bringing with him a bottle of wine that was so old its label was brittle and peeling away from the glass. He poured Tony a small amount, who tasted it and gave his approval, and then poured them both glasses. Bucky promised himself he would stop at the one glass – getting drunk tonight would be so stupid – but after he tasted the wine his conviction wavered. Whatever type of wine this was, even Bucky could taste that it was the Ferrari of booze. How often was he going to be wined and dined like this, after all? A bottle had what, like two glasses of wine apiece? He would be fine.

“So,” Tony said after the waiter left, crossing his arms and resting his elbows on the table. His eyes glinted with amusement. “Let’s talk about your five-year plan.”

Trying to smother a smile, Bucky crossed his arms as well. “Let’s talk about where you think your organization is going to be in five years, and I can tell you how I think I’ll fit into that plan.”

“Uh-huh,” Tony said skeptically. Then he sat up straight, cleared his throat and became what Bucky could only call Corporate Tony, face serious and tone strictly professional. “Well, I think this organization is best described as embarking on a period of rapid expansion while simultaneously consolidating the gains that we’ve made in the past few years. In many of our key industries we are working on horizontal and vertical integration in order to capitalize on economies of scale. Proceeds are invested back into the capital base and workforce, with the remainder being banked against future shortfalls. At the most recent shareholder meeting, members voted to waive the first quarter’s dividends in order to acquire assets for novel business ventures, putting us in a strong position for next year despite moderate economic headwinds.”

As Tony spoke, Bucky’s eyebrows climbed higher and higher. “Impressive,” he said. “You came up with that on the fly?”

“Well, I’ve been spinning bullshit to board members since I was old enough to vote, so I’ve had a lot of practice,” Tony said dryly, taking a sip of wine.

“Do you really have shareholders?”

“Yep. So many shareholders, for so many different businesses.”

“Is that-” Bucky was about to ask if the shareholder thing was related to the mysterious buy-in, but he reminded himself that he wasn’t working tonight. “Never mind. Well, the truth is, I don’t know where I’ll be in five years. The past few months have made me rethink a lot of things, and I’m trying to figure out my next step.”

“Oh?” Tony leaned forward again, gaze intent. “Want to talk about it?”

Bucky had self-preservation enough to know that talking about his crisis of conscience with the reason for that crisis was a bad idea. “Not just yet,” Bucky said. “I think…I think I need to figure out what I want, first.”

“Yeah, that’s usually a good first step.” Tony opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he closed it and took a sip of wine. “What would you like to talk about instead?”

The conversation paused as the server brought out an appetizer (“Courtesy of the Chef, he’s trying a new recipe”), the service amazingly fast given the crowd that Bucky knew was on the other side of the curtain. Guess that was one of the perks of dining with the Tony Stark.

“Do you still have time to invent?” Bucky asked when they were alone again, scooping some of the appetizer onto his plate. Looked like calamari. “Like robots and stuff?”

Bucky could tell that he’d caught Tony by surprise with the question. “Someone’s been looking me up on the internet,” Tony accused with a smile, pointing his fork at Bucky.

If Bucky was a lesser man, he would have blushed – googling Tony Stark on his phone before going to sleep had become a guilty habit, from the early articles about him when his parents were alive to his college exploits to the frequent scandals of his twenties. Between all those, however, were periodic articles in scholarly journals attributed to “T.E. Stark” and more substantial think pieces in popular science magazines. “I like knowing who I’m working for,” Bucky said defensively, feeling the back of his neck get hot.

“Uh-huh. I do still tinker in my spare time, what I have of it,” Tony said. “Right now I’m working mostly in artificial intelligence. I have one, his name is JARVIS, that I’ve been tinkering with since college. I think machine learning algorithms are fascinating.”

“I read up about some AI initiatives when I was in the Army,” Bucky said. “For targeting and whatnot.” He had read even more about it once he became a cop, and he wasn’t at all enthused with the projects he’d heard about. “What do you do with it? Him,” he corrected.

“JARVIS helps me with work,” Tony said vaguely, fidgeting with his silverware before spearing a piece of calamari. “I got into AI when Stark Industries got awarded a cybersecurity contract. I kind of ran with it after we fulfilled the contract and JARVIS was the result."

Bucky almost dropped his fork when he got hit with a startling suspicion. Helps me with work. Was Tony’s mysterious accountant, that no one had ever seen or spoken to, that was able to hide his money from every regulatory body in the US government, an AI? The implications were staggering, not just for the case but for the tech industry as a whole. Bucky covered for his stunned silence by eating, washing down the food he was barely tasting with expensive wine. The irony was not lost on him that he just had the biggest scoop of the operation so far, hours after he’d decided that he was quitting the case.

“So how about you? What do you do in your free time?” Tony asked, topping off their glasses.

Bucky stared at him across the table, brain blanking. It took so long for his brain to shift gears from thinking about JARVIS to trying to think of what he did in his spare time that Tony started to give him a funny look. “Uh, nothing special,” Bucky said after a minute. Googling his boss certainly wasn’t a hobby, after all. “After spending so much time in military cafeterias, I’ve been trying to get better at cooking. I work out, it’s a good release. Read. Visit museums when I can. One of my friends is trying to get me into indy games, but we can't play often.”

“That sounds nice. Gotta maintain that work-life balance, right?” Tony said. “Smart.” There was a soft chime and Tony pulled his phone out of his pocket. Bucky tensed; he’d forgotten about the raid until he saw Tony’s phone, having turned off his own ringer so that his notifications wouldn’t drive him crazy. He watched Tony’s face warily, wondering if the chime was related to the raid. Surely there would be a phone call, though? From his lawyer, or his security at the garage? But whatever the notification was, Tony just scanned it briefly and put his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry,” he apologized. “The boss is always on the job.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky said, smiling faintly, but the rhythm of the evening had been thrown off; thankfully their food came out and Tony got them back on track by asking about Bucky’s time in the Army, which got him on a roll of telling funny stories about the stupid things he’d seen as a sergeant. Turns out Rhodes, Tony’s right hand man, had been in the Air Force and Tony threatened to get him on the phone to defend himself against Bucky’s digs against the “chair force.” Before he knew it, dessert had come and gone, the bottle of wine was empty and their glasses had been replaced with tiny cups of espresso.  The sound on the other side of the curtain to the rest of the restaurant had died down considerably, and the check had been dropped off so subtly that Bucky hadn’t even noticed it until Tony picked it up and put a healthy stack of bills in it.

“Want to go for a walk?” Bucky said impulsively, not quite ready for the date that shouldn’t be a date to end.

“Can’t,” Tony said regretfully. “No long walks for me anymore, not in the city at least.”

“Right.” Given the number of enemies Tony had, it was risky enough for him to be out without more protection than just Bucky without parading himself up and down sidewalks. “Guess its time to go home, then.”

“I could take you home, yes.” Tony said slowly, lining up the silverware in what Bucky realized was a show of nerves. After a moment he pushed them aside and met Bucky’s eyes across the table. “Or…”

Bucky’s heart leapt. “Or?”

“Or we could do something that we shouldn’t.”

Bucky’s breath caught in his lungs. There was a hopeful and hungry look in Tony’s eyes that made Bucky flush hot and then cold. It would be such a mad, bad idea to go to bed with Tony Stark; if he got caught, he’d go down in NYPD as the casebook example for how to fuck up an undercover assignment. On the other hand, tomorrow he would be requesting reassignment and would never see Tony again, so there would be just this one night. He could have that, right? Just one night for himself, this one selfish thing he could have before he left for good?

“Okay,” Bucky said. His heart was racing and he suspected if he didn’t have his hands wrapped around his empty espresso cup they would be shaking. “Tony, would you like to have another drink with me at my place?”

“I’d love to,” Tony said with a smile.

[trickstermiraculous]

I do have an idea on my tumblr but I'm not sure if I can post links in asks as someone who loves the Villain/Jerkass Has a Point trope basically my idea is after she's exposed Lila calls out the class (Adrien and Bustier included) and Damocles on their stupidity (and throws Alya's words: "a good reporter always checks her sources" back in her face) and she asks Marinette if she can even call the class her friends if they believed Lila over her and Mari (and Chloe) admit she has a point

It took longer than expected for this group to figure it out, about a year. You would think a class with a person who built an actual working AI would be smart than this. Sure there was Marinette who figured it out in a day but that was probably due to knowing the people I lied about, contrary to popular belief I did do research on my classmates although it was until Marinette called me out that I decide to research her more in-dept.

When I realised my mistake, I did what I always do and threaten her but, of course, she was confident I wouldn’t win until I got her expelled and I know it was wrong and I went too far especially when Adrien went out of his way to get her back into school by making a deal with me, so I back off but it seems that her friends had already left her, they constantly trashed talked her while hanging out with me or making sure she was excluded from activities they did as a class even when she was the one who organised it due to being class president. Did the teacher care, fuck no, she was more focused on making the rich bullies were happy.

Ladybug also made me well aware of how dangerous it was to be allied with hawkmoth. I had told him to not to make Akumas go after my mother but sure enough, a co-worker who was jealous of her got akumatised and went after her. Luckily, Ladybug was there to save my mother when the Akuma decide to drop her from the highest point of the Eiffel tower. I wasn’t paying attention when I was yelling at hawkmoth through the phone when I got home to notice Ladybug come in through the window. It was an awkward situation, to say the least, but after coming clean, ladybug had admitted that her parents had been in danger several times and it’s scary but the one thing most people don’t do is work with the people putting her in danger.

I did admit to her that she had a point and told her that I know who Hawkmoth was. “Then do one thing for me while I keep my eye on your mother when I can,” she asked,

“why should I?” I asked,

“Because what’s to say he won’t go after her again?” Ladybug responded raising an eyebrow,

“Fine, what do you want me to do?” I asked,

“Collect evidence, Hawkmoth will most likely be someone who had enough power to not get caught so only having your account, won’t be enough because while your class might believe your lies a quick google search and the police will most likely think you’re lying for attention” she answered, “Fine, you have a deal” I stated. 

It took about half a year to collect enough evidence and Ladybug was right about Hawkmoth not caring about making sure her family were nowhere near Akuma attacks, in fact, two Akumas went after her mother again and her father was trapped under rubble after an Akuma had gone storming through multiple buildings. When the evidence had been revealed to the public and Adrien’s father had been arrested, the class group chat had been a shit storm and was worse in class the next day. 

Adrien wasn’t in the class, Marinette who happened to be early informed me that he was staying at her house since he was quite close with them after he refused to believe my lies and started hanging out with Marinette more much to my annoyance. “You do realise, Alya’s going to want to rip your head off right” Marinette stated while she doodled in her sketchbook,

“Why is that?” I questioned.

After Marinette had stopped trying to call me out on my lies and started to ignore me, we had made an agreement to act like reasonable people so like if we had to work on a project together, we would not make any moves to piss each other off or we just need an answer to a simple question, we would be polite about it.

“Because according to Chloe, who is still in the class group chat, Alya decided to do checks on all of us to see if we are who we say we are and she just no finally check to see if anything you said is true and apparently she was not happy with what she found” Marinette answered and speak of the devil, Alya entered looking depressed but as soon as her eyes landed on me, her face changed to anger. 

“You are a liar” she growled as the rest of the class entered, looking angry but not as much as Alya,

“Like that’s news” I replied staring right back at her, “Marinette told you that for months, ye you stubbornly refused to listen or do any kind of research to see if I was speaking the truth”,

“Don’t you dare blame this on us” she retorted, “you allowed me to ruin my reputation as a reporter with your lies”,

“Because you didn’t do the simplest thing a reporter does, fact checks everything, you were going to go nowhere in the news world if you continued to not fact check” I stated while I started to scroll through twitter.

“She is right, Alya while you are good at writing articles and getting information, you are downright terrible at fact-checking instead you just take the information that will make your theories seem like the actual truth and ignore other information that disproves it” responded Marinette cutting Alya off before she could reply to me,

“Why are you defending her? I thought you hated her,” asked Alix confused,

“Oh I do but that does make what she just said wrong” answered Marinette.

“You all believed me even Miss Bustier and Mr Damocles and that’s because no one decided to fact check and at this point, I don’t think Marinette can call you her friends because of that,” I said looking at Marinette with a smirk, 

“I stopped calling them friends after I got a block from the group chat, stopped hanging out with me but still demanded stuff off me” Marinette admitted in a deadpan tone, putting her pencil down, “Now can we please start the lesson, Miss Bustier”, said women who had been watching this happen, nodded as she opened up today’s PowerPoint.

Notes: A nice Lila one shot who would have guessed that I would actually write one. I have not been as active as I would have liked but I do hope you like this.

AO3

Wattpad

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Chapter 1

T/N: I mostly didn’t translate a lot of the names of the ayakashi/youkai, as well as the proper nouns because uhm... They’re basically nouns. It’s like how some translated manga are done. Plus it irks me sometimes when everything just gets transliterated, it kills off the vibe. But that’s just me. Links to references at the end of the post.

Also if you like this translation, you can share the link, reblog, but for pete’s sake DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. I worked hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just Google-translated this whole sh**..

If you need refreshers on what happened, @kakuriyo-translations​ already had the previous translations. I’m just contributing to this fandom. Also, as previously mentioned in my other post, the 2 seasons of the anime cover volumes 1-5, so if you need a review just rewatch them all. Volume 6 starts here.

OK, here’s the stuff now.

Volume 6 - I got hired as a novice in an Ayakashi Inn** From the back cover: Autumn has visited the Ayakashi living in Kakuriyo's long-established inn Tenjin-ya. Aoi who was kidnapped by the rival inn Orio-ya, finally ended through her cooking the hardships of, and cleared the curse of the Southern Lands. Returning home victoriously, what awaits this lady are her friends in Tenjin-ya, the warmth, and the everyday busy-ness! While thinking of new souvenir products and preparing and pushing for the Autumn Festival, she reopens her Japanese Restaurant "Yugao". That time, she was invited by Odanna-sama to a fruit orchard date. Surely him always inviting her out never changed, as time after the Orio-ya incident passes her by, is she realizing that she's starting to think that she wants to know more about Odanna-sama...?

From the inside front jacket: Yuuma Midori (Author)A citizen from Fukuoka. Her debut publication published by Alpha Police: Marrying my wife is a dangerous circumstance with a giant demonic beast. Changing her pen-name after that, she published Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi, I married into an Ayakashi Inn. Currently  Fujimi Bun-ko's big hit, and is now an illustrated series released by B-s LOG COMICS.

Character introduction page Tenjin-ya: An old-established place in North-eastern Kakuriyo, where Ayakashi dwell. Under the Ogre-god's (Onigami) leadership, many visiting Ayakashi helped it flourish, although sometimes humans make visits too. Odanna-sama: Master of Kakuriyo's Tenjin-ya, an Onigami respected by many Ayakashi. Even though Aoi should be wedded to him, his true intentions are currently unknown, as he watches the lady's speech and behavior. Tsubaki Aoi: College student who was whisked away against her own will in order to pay for her grandfather's debt in Tenjin-ya. Refusing Odanna-sama's marriage proposal, with her talents in cooking she manages her own Japanese restaurant, Yugao.

T/N: The volume title is a pun, it can go like "a new hire gets into an ayakashi inn" or "newly-harvested rice enters the ayakashi inn". No complaints though, but I won't spoil anything lol

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6, Chapter 1: Autumn's Newly-harvested Rice's** Accompaniment P5 "Aoi-san! We're already at our limit!" "Gah, so far, today...." That was in the last days of September in Yugao. I, Tsubaki Aoi, scrunching my face in vexation, took a peep in the refrigerator with hardly any ingredients left. Confronting and attacking the food rations altogether, it seems that they're now all gone. I wonder if in today's opening, will the incoming guests ever cease?

Lately, Yugao's business has been spectacular all over, it has been a very, very busy time. On days when there are so many customers, when the ingredients are all used up midway, the restaurant has to close shop early, and while we're preparing so many ingredients before reopening again, on those days that we have to regulate incoming customers, not many come in and the restaurant becomes bare of people, controlling the number of incoming guests is difficult. I wonder what I'll do if it's just me doing everything inside the restaurant, and I feel like I'm already at my limit... "That matter at Orio-ya, the thing about the ceremony and all the different things have been dramatized and turned upside-down in so many ways, it has become Kakuriyo's hot topic. Aoi-san has become something that livened-up the world, and Ayakashi have been interested and drawn to you, haven't they? Even Yugao has become famous..."

T/N: It's frustrating to translate the term for newly-harvested rice. Coming from a rice-eating culture like Japan and the rest of Asia, it's easy to categorize all stages of rice because there are words that exist for that. Like they say, languages are shaped by the needs of the users. Unfortunately, English has none of those so yeah, from here on end I'll be using the term newly-harvested rice here because to be honest, it tastes a lot better than rice stocked for a long time. That one tastes dry and bland even when cooked, while newly-harvested rice smells fragrant, has a soft texture, and just doesn't taste moldy lol

P6 While on a short break from cleaning up and arranging the place after business hours, Ginji-san and I were eating dried persimmons given to us by a customer as we sat on the counters while sipping tea. "Ginji-san, you were keenly saying that, but I wasn't intending on making a ruckus in Kakuriyo." "Yes, I understand. Ayakashi have been noticing, in their own ways... Thanks to Yugao, our business is booming!" Ginji-san's tired face turned and changed into a very happy one, meanwhile I was getting anxious. As someone who is burdened with a debt I am happy that the restaurant is flourishing, even though the place is getting better overall, there are many hindrances coming out with regards to cooking, and in spite of our efforts, I still feel bad for the customers that come in. Ah, but unrelated to that, this dried persimmon tastes really good. It's center is soft and moist, and sweet, yet a faint aftertaste of the puckery seed still remains, but I love that taste. Even if the people that I hated then are that much, a lot of Grandpa's treasured food makes me yearn for the good old days. "Very soon, Yugao will need to hire new employees, don't you think so?" "New employees? Really? Well, if it's just Ginji-san and I, it's already impossible..." I agreed with Ginji-san's suggestion. Ever since we opened, the two of us had been giving our all. To put it in words, we need someone other than Ginji-san to be designated with a job post. All the more that I think Yugao needs a new staff. "Since it seems that Aoi-san is concentrating on making the dishes, you might want the new staff to bear the task of receiving guests. P7 Would you like to try putting up a "Now Hiring" sign in Tenjin-ya's announcement board?" "I wonder who would come to apply?" What kind of brand-new staff will we hire? "Aoi-sama, you're cruel!" Instantly, from the pendant that contains ogre-fire, popped out Ai-chan. She looks like me, but her cheeks were swelling with annoyance. "Why, you call me your family, and at the same time hire me as your employee! If that's the case, tell me what to do!" "Well now, Ai-chan is very eager to work?" "You haven't spoken to me in a very long time..." Is that so? I tried to recall. When I called Ai-chan out to learn about the basics of cooking, that time she went out and played with Chibi. I think Ai-chan is still an Ayakashi child, and she still haven't got the idea on what it means to be an employee. "But Ai-chan, if you feel sleepy, you can't return to the pendant. Also, on top of that, it would be weird when there's two of us working here at Yugao..." Ginji-san looked at Ai-chan and I. P8 I wonder what he thinks of us having similar faces. "Oh, that, uhm... Aoi-san is most concerned about Ai-chan, and it is that you would want to work, but I think it's surely awkward when there is someone that looks like Aoi-san, won't it?" "Wh.. Why is that...? Young master-sama, I want to work too..." Ai-chan begged earnestly to Ginji-san with her teary eyes. My face tells it all, and Ginji-san also sees that it can turn into a crazy situation, and we stuttered. "Uhm, that's... That is..." Her eyes started swimming in tears. "But we could cause confusion with the customers. They'll think Ai-chan is me, and I am Ai-chan..." "I'm definitely sure that can happen... This is not related to Yugao's business operations, but it's possible that I can swap places with a family who looks like me, but really you are a precious being. With that, won't it be better to hide?" "Really?" "Yes... If my look-alike and I were both working in here, we may have a trump card,but evil people may take advantage of that too. Because of that, Ai-chan who can do things must hide in her favorite place..." Ginji-san glimpsed at teary-eyed Ai-chan who was biting her lower lip like a child and scratching her forehead. P9 "In order for Ai-chan to work in this restaurant, there are two conditions, OK? One, when you're in duty, you can't go to sleep. The other is that you have to change your appearance into someone else's." "Someone else's appearance..." Ai-chan and I huddled and titled our heads. The thing about not sleeping is reasonable and understandable. "About that, how do I change into someone else?" "I'm sorry. That's something that you must learn on your own. Be original, OK?" "O..ri...gi..nal..?" It seems that Ai-chan doesn't understand what that means. "Well, let's see. Let's use Tokihiko-san from Orio-ya as an example.** In the beginning, that person was just made up of many little Youkai flames**, but right now he can't change into anything else, he can only change into the shape he already has. If you change your appearance into someone else, if you change it to look like me, that's a whole different level, but Ai-chan is still a child, I wonder if she can understand?" But Ai-chan yells "I'll do it!" and raises her hand in proclamation. "I'll do my best in making my own appearance!" "Wooooowwww..." Ginji-san and I lightly clapped our hands for Ai-chan who was in high spirits.

T/N: In Volume 3, where Shizuna and Tokihiko meet again, like the episodes before the Orio-ya arc, it was briefly explained that ayakashi are formed from objects, when the consciousness enters the objects and make them sentient. I’ll probably translate that once I finished volumes 6-10, or maybe not. P10 "But because it's sleepy-time, I'll go back to the pendant!" "Whaaat." She immediately returned into ogre-fire, and Ai-chan hid back into the pendant in my bosom. The pendant's flickering light makes it seem like Ai-chan was sleeping and snoozing peacefully inside. "She seems serious, about the whole 'What appearance should I make' thing." "As soon as she wanted to slep, she already entered a new period of growth. In just a short time, I think she's already like an Ayakashi that stays awake late at night... It's because Ayakashi by nature don't sleep that much." "It's not like that, it's just that employes and everyone else just have short sleeping schedules. It's toxic**, it's something I thought of, but it's not really like that..." "No, it's not something like that. It's because Tenjin-ya also considerably receives nice wholesome** citizens of Kakuriyo. And that is why it's always very busy." "What, wait, doesn't that make it mixed**?" Well, whatever, I only sleep 10 minutes everyday, and even though it's a rest day tomorrow, it's not a problem for me. And for sure, when that busy day comes, I'd be very happy to receive Ai-chan's help. Whatever that child's appearance would make, I'll be looking forward to it.

T/N: the original words used were BLACK, WHITE, and GRAY. Black is considered to be the dark side of things aka toxic workplaces, White is the usual nice and wholesome facade, and the Gray was just inserted to complete the pun because in color theory thingy, BLACK+WHITE=GRAY. But that's just me lol You have been warned that this light novel uses a lot of puns P11 "Aoi--- Fooooood---" "Oh, that person's here." That person, is that Yuki-onna. Always, after Yugao's business hours, it's always the same, she always comes, the former Young Mistress but is now the waitress O-ryo. "Now's not a good time, O-ryo. There's none already." "Waaait, again? No rice? Even the rice is gone too?" "Even if I cook the rice, that's just it. Tomorrow is Yugao's rest day, and there aren't any excess ingredients here." "Then as long as there's rice that can be cooked, it's fine. I really love rice. Newly-harvested rice** is the most delicious, isn't it?" If that's the case, then there's nothing else to eat here, Ginji-san and I whispered to each other. But O-ryo just invited herself in the counters, and I had no choice but to stand up and start preparing to cook the rice. Just as O-ryo said, it's already the season of delicious rice. Especially in the land of Ogre's Gate, the rice brand "Onihonoka" is a famous specialty and souvenir, harvested either in the last days of August to the first days of September, polished immediately after harvest and is now back in the market. P12 But, if we use newly-harvested rice here in Yugao, it's distinct grains that contain a lot of moisture can really rake in the positive points. When cooking rice it is common that the little water added will decrease as it cooks, and it tastes all the more better. I wonder if O-ryo can wait for 30 minutes as the rice gets soaked.** "Wait, O-ryo sama!" The next one who came in was that horse chestnut girl, with her signature Tanuki ears and the round, fluffy tail. It was Tenjin-ya's lower-ranking waitress, Kasuga. "We thought we lost the bottle opener at the banquet hall. O-ryo sama, when your duties ended you immediately went to Yugao, and our new-hired waiters and waitresses had to search here and there. I was about to do some deliveries but I had to take charge of our newbies." "Oh, really? Kasuga, why didn't you just remember to let your juniors do it?" "But it's O-ryo sama's fault. All of the juniors and everyone has been doing their best here." "Oh, fine, there, there. Kasuga, you're also giving it your all, OK?" Whether it's because she's tired or she just deemed the answer was acceptable and ran away with it, Kasuga just allowed O-ryo to roughly pat her head. And when the bottle opener that had a bell made out of ice was produced, Kasuga immediately stuck it inside her obi. When the bell chimed, a clear tinkling sound echoed. "Isn't that ice bell lovely?"

T/N: Hot tip, if you're cooking rice, not the instant kind, if you want a less fussy method just soak it for at least 30 minutes before boiling it, it makes it cook faster, especially when the rice is long-grain, brown or colored rice, or the dry grained ones that are better for fried rice because the grains don't stick together. P13 "Yes. I won't give it to you, Kasuga." "I don't have a need for it, and for that reason it's not an important conversation." Kasuga sighed with a dumbfounded expression. In this situation I don't know who's the senior and who's the underling. "Oh, by the way, Young Master-sama, Odanna-sama calls for you." "Wah, is that so, Kasuga-san? Oh, it's probably the matter about the Autumn Festival. Aoi-san, I have to go to the main building for a bit, ok?" "Yes, thank you for your hard work, Ginji-san." Ginji-san's head bobbed as he bowed, and with a quick pace left Yugao. "Kasuga, even today you were asked to do a lot of things here and there, weren't you?" "Yeah, that's true. Everyone was telling me to go here and run over there. Oh well, I'll get used to it somehow." Kasuga meekly and quietly sat beside were O-ryo was sitting. Did this girl also went here to eat some newly-harvested rice? "Aoi--- Is it done? I'm hungry-- Isn't Kakuriyo's pot cooking fast enough?" "Whaaat. Please wait a bit more, O-ryo. Because it's newly-harvested rice, I only had it soaked for a bit." "Ehhh... That's already fine. Whether it gets cooked or not, because I'm hungry." P14 I wanted to choose the best way to cook the newly-harvested rice, so I could relish its delicious taste, but I wonder if I just lost to O-ryo's explanation just like this while the rice was cooking. She seems to be already at the limit of her patience, and she started to violently beat the counters. "Aoi--- Aoi--- Rice! Let me eat rice!" "Hold it there, big woman baby! Stop beating the counters, or else it will fall apart." My table.. Really, O-ryo can really be so selfish... "Yo, is there any grub to eat?" Akatsuki, like the usual routine, came here. O-ryo, Kasuga, and Akatsuki, repeatedly always come here, and were becoming "Give me food, give me food" Ayakashi. "I'm sorry Akatsuki, today there's nothing left. O-ryo said she's fine with just white rice, and that's what I'm cooking right now." "I'm also fine with just rice. Do you have any pickles?" Akatsuki sat beside the counter where Kasuga was, where two people were already sitting at. It has always been like this. "Wherever rice is offered as if for the gods, there's always a line on the counters. One way or another, Ayakashi love rice, don't they?" Finally, the rice on the stove has cooked. Kakuriyo's pots only need five minutes to cook rice, and it's really very convenient. P15 "Akatsuki, you haven't used up your salary and vacation leaves this year, haven't you? You don't have a girlfriend, and you give me the impression that working is your hobby. You're that kind of guy, aren't you?" While doing nothing on an empty stomach, O-ryo started bickering with Akatsuki, who was beyond Kasuga's seat. Even thought it's not nice, O-ryo toys Akatsuki a lot, who was younger than her. Akatsuki's face spells like "Shut up, you're noisy" whenever he's tired after work. "It's better to think about frolicking and having fun, Akatsuki. It's a waste, no matter how much you work, being a guy who looks angry and has no excess time to have some time to have fun." "Stop talking to me already, O-ryo." "Whaaat. How conceited. I'm the senior and you're the junior. I'm older than you and you're younger than me." "And so? You dropped being in the management staff and now you're a waitress. Between being a head clerk and a waitress, I'm higher-ranked." "Arrrghh, this guy is so UN-ADORABLE!" "O-ryo sama, you're noisy!" O-ryo's shrill voice spreads out, and Akatsuki and Kasuga both covered their ears. I opened Yugao's kitchen's refrigerator as I pinched my small ears shut. There wasn't any ingredients left to make side dishes, so I just took the rice out and served it. As I was doing this, I was laughing by myself. Hee hee hee.. "I could hear Aoi-chan letting out a weird laugh." P16 "What meals are she thinking of, at this point?" "Aoi is indeed an Ayakashi that cooks and cooks, isn't she?" Until now, O-ryo, Kasuga and Akatsuki were all whispering and back-biting me. But that's what I felt. After waiting, the newly-harvest rice that we have been waiting for has been cooked. After the boiled rice was done, I opened the lid and a foggy yet aromatic steam was released, and my stomach started to grumble on its own. As I stirred the freshly-cooked rice, I divided it and placed some on the rice tub. Using a wooden rice paddle I tried checking its texture and taste, it was springy, and its sweetness was enjoyable. "OK, there's a lot of rice, so please just eat however you like." In the restaurant's table where the rice tub was placed, in Akatsuki and Kasuga's usual rice bowls, and in O-ryo's favorite and sometimes variable larger bowl, I served them the white rice. I piled a lot of it. Each grain was puffy and glossy, which is due to the rice's freshness. "Yay! Let's eat!" O-ryo speedily and hungrily ate the rice, as she was holding her bowl and chopsticks. Hmph, O-ryo just quieted down right now. "Kasuga, Akatsuki, aren't you two hungry too? Start eating up." P17 "Ehhhrm.... It's hard to eat like O-ryo with just the white rice..." "Aren't there any pickled food, Aoi-chan?" "Tsk, tsk, how about if I place this here?" I placed a jar in between Kasuga and Akatsuki's counters. At first, they just stared at it in bewilderment, but carefully examined the jar's contents. Kasuga seemed to immediately get what it was. "Oh, I know it! It's nametake, enoki mushrooms!" "Yes, I made it from all of the mushrooms collected this Autumn, and I placed a lot of it. I goes great with white rice. I added it to our Autumn's daily specials." As soon as I opened the jar's lid, and scooped the nametake with a wooden spoon, I placed a lot on top of their rice in the two rice bowls. The brown mushrooms were flowing and melting and moist due to being boiled down. Enoki, shimeji, shiitake, these were all seasoned with the mild soy sauce that Ayakashi love. Sugar, mirin, sake and other seasonings were also added as staples, and in my case, there's also a bit of vinegar and some spicy peppers. These were added to give a hint of spiciness and sourness to the mild flavor. To make excellent preserved food, cold tofu, boiled down greens using dashi stock and others can be added and turned into one dish. While the nametake is mixed in with the piping hot rice, Kasuga and Akatsuki heartily wolfed down their food. "Wow... This meal is filling in my empty stomach.." P18 "This is delicious!" The enoki makes a crispy and appetizing sound. O-ryo, who was growing tired of the white rice, and seems to have noticed the nametake that Kasuga and Akatsuki were eating, started staring at it with longing eyes. "O-ryo, if you want to eat some nametake, please have some too." What the.. I have barely finished talking and O-ryo already stole the nametake jar. "Wah, it's my rice's buddy!" "O-ryo sama, it's greedy of you to take it for yourself!" "Kasuga, Akatsuki, don't worry, there are other partners for your rice." The poor things, but because there were other food that pair up well with rice, I brought them out. Toppings such as pickled plums, ground meat mixed with miso and lotus root, daikon pickled in vinegar with kelp, I brought out various preserved dishes too. Because rice goes well with many daily staples, many others were served on the side. "I am pushing this powerful medicine. I stir-fried some Hijiki seaweed that still has its water, along with the gritty and crisp pickled plum with some dashi stock. It really goes well with rice." Deprived of the nametake, Akatsuki tried adding the plum and seaweed mix as a rice topping. The crunchy texture and sourness of the plum, and the strong umami taste of the seaweed was incorporated, and this was a very luxurious and delightful taste. It doesn't need any other side dish, this makes it a full and satisfying topping. P19 When making onigiri, it can be added to the rice. It's excellent for emergencies. After experimenting with both the kelp and vinegar-pickled daikon as well as the meat mixed with miso and lotus root, O-ryo started eyeing at everything again, and I placed some little by little in the saucer that she was using. It' s great that she gets to enjoy a wide variety to pair up with her rice. It's exciting to think like what could be the next one you'll taste, with each bite. Once in a while, it's nice to just enjoy and relish the taste of the newly-harvested rice. After a while, I decided to eat some rice, and went back to the kitchen to get the rice bowl I normally use. "Ah, I just remembered something!" That's it. There were still two slices left in the refrigerator for the staff's breakfast. Autumn salmon. If I defrost that, I can make another rice pair-up! "Hee hee hee. A staple rice accompaniment: salmon flakes!"** I defrosted the salmon slice on the dish with Yokai fire, flayed the skin off, and lightly seared the surface on a frying pan, added salt, dashi, mirin, sake and other seasonings then heated this on a low flame. Sauteing this with a wooden spatula while adding some water to soften it, it's all what I need to do. Hee hee hee... "That Aoi-chan is laughing in the kitchen again..." "It smells like fish being cooked..." "Hold up, Aoi! Why are you cooking fish just for yourself? My nose isn't deceiving me!" T/N: I actually do this with meat, tofu, fish or whatever I add to vegetable dishes to make them more tasty. In Japan, they call this ground meat, fish or tofu that is seasoned and sauted as "Flake". You can just prepare a large batch, and use them as needed. I guess all those hours watching Tokuson Life Hacks also helped a lot lol P20 "Don't worry Kasuga, Akatsuki, O-ryo. Everyone's going to eat what I'm making." That said, it's my last serving. Reduce the water, when the flesh has fallen apart, add white sesame seeds and sesame oil, and lightly saute it. It's really easy. The home-made salmon flake is done. "It 's done! It's done! From kids to adults, everyone will love it, the best to be paired with rice, salmon flakes! Loose salmon topping, is it easy to understand?" "Ohhh..." "That smells really good!" As soon as I brought this in front of them, O-ryo and Akatsuki's voices just sounded with admiration. Since their bowls were already devoid of rice, they both wanted to fill their bowls with another serving. But they started fighting on who should be going to get more rice to add in the rice tub, and Kasuga went up and took the rice tub on her own to refill it. She's really the most adult in this bunch. "Ahhh, I can finally eat some rice too!" Thereafter, I placed some hot, piping rice on my bowl and I could finally eat my supper. For the first time, we're going to partake the crumbly salmon flakes that I made. I can use that for onigiri, and it's going to be a favorite item in bento boxes. P21 We can do the bottling, the marketing, and the selling, as our products are really delicious, but it seems that I'll have to make it and do it all by myself. Slicing, adding water, seasoning.. I'll do it how I like it. The glossy and clean rice due to it being freshly-harvested, when you add the shiny and reddish-brown color of the salmon flakes, eating it with a spoon just makes you gobble it all up. Ah, the autumn's salmon is really tasty and fatty. When mixed and used as rice topping, in one bite the umami and saltiness goes well with the mild, sweetness of the rice. Adding the white sesame and sesame oil's fragrances, the salmon's taste, flavor and aroma improves. "Wah, this tastes so delicious, I wanna have a bowlful more.." "O-ryo sama, if you eat more than that, you'll get fat. But I want a bowlful more too..." "I knew it, it's the autumn salmon. It really pairs well with the rice." It looks like everyone got satisfied with the salmon flakes. Oh no, this is bad. We have quickly eaten the rice... We took in so much carbs..." Even the meat mixed with miso and lotus root, the miso-flavored meat and the crunchy texture of the lotus root, really, really goes well with rice too. When you want to cleanse the palate, munching on the vinegar and kelp-pickled daikon is a fitting and refreshing break. "Aoi-dono!" Sasuke-kun, the O-niwaban guard has come here to Yugao. P22 Sasuke-kun was holding a bamboo straining basket, in his usual ninja-style. And, well, inside that basket were fresh red eggs. "These are the cassowary eggs that I have gathered tonight. The Master and Young Master sent me here to deliver these to you with my life, as it is a pity that there is only white rice to eat. You can now make egg-topped rice**." I bumped into him while running. That was the ultimate, crowning, and appropriate pairing to the rice. This is awesome! TKG has arrived here!** "Wah, I'll eat another bowlful more---" "Hey, that's unfair of you, O-ryo. Me too!" "Me too. It's because eggs are also served now." In the middle of the night, the Ayakashi were eating white rice in reckless abandon. "Please, I would like to fill my stomach with a bowlful of rice." "Yes, Sasuke-kun, please come have some." Anyone can't hide their excitement with egg-topped rice. Hollowing top of the hot, piping rice, when the shell is cracked open, the lovely raw egg is dropped in here. The cassowary's rich egg yolk's color, its shine, its jelly-like appearance, when it covers the rice, it has an irresistable charm. T/N: If you're going to try this, just a reminder that bacteria like Salmonella can contaminate the egg. Only do this with super-fresh eggs from a seller you trust because getting sick isn't worth it. TKG is basically tamago-kake-gohan, or how I wrote it here, egg-topped rice. P23 Ah, just looking at it, I know it's definitely delicious. "For sure, with egg-topped rice, it's Kakuriyo's mild soy sauce, isn't it?" I wanted a simple approach. "Soy sauce is good, but adding a little sesame oil is also delicious." As expected of O-ryo, who is in the majority group. "As a minority, I like mine to have noodle soup base and wasabi." From my peripheral vision I could see Akatsuki grumbling. But that seems to be delicious too. "I always eat it with ponzu. If there's dried bonito flakes and fried onions I'll add those too." For some reason, this was expected of Kasuga. "If there are seasonings, I'll add them." Sasuke-kun is too gallant. "Ok, ok, you can eat your differing favorites, that's good." Everyone's demands were heard, and I took various seasonings and flavorings and placed these at the center of the table. I, nonetheless the simpleton just added a bit of soy sauce over the yolk, and lightly broke it, mixing it with my chopsticks. In that moment, I felt a wonderful, happy feeling. Probably, just adding the egg, I haven't even finished mixing the runny egg in, I already took a bite. "Wahhh, taking the first bite of egg-topped rice is really something, isn't it?" P24 The rich flavor of the egg yolk makes it the best and enjoyable. After relishing the first bite, I completely mixed everything, and ate some more. "Hey, everyone, the meat with miso and lotus root also goes well with the egg-topped rice." Everyone noticed the previously-ignored meat with miso after Kasuga's discovery. Wah, it really does taste well together. This is a great discovery! Egg-topped rice is awesome! Just by itself is delicious, but arranging and adding flavors for variation, it's going to be an awesome feast. "It looks like you are all having fun." "Oh, Odanna-sama." Odanna-sama and Ginji-san came to Yugao together. O-ryo and Kasuga, Akatsuki and Sasuke-kun, who were all until now eating like as if in a stupor, all suddenly stopped and stood up, and deeply bowed to Odanna-sama. "It's alright, continue eating. Those are rare eggs." As if waiting for those words, everyone sat down again and continued eating. "Well, what's up? It's been a long time since you came here. Did both of you came here for some egg-topped rice? If that's the case, we have a lot right now." "No, it's not that, a while ago we welcomed some guests and we sat for a bit and already had our meals." P25 "I also may have drank a bit too much... That liquor was a tad strong.. Uhm.. I will eat some later, ok?" Both Ginji-san and Odanna-sama were definitely tipsy, somewhat. If they received some guests during work, why were they suddenly here? While in the middle of his rapid and nonchalant talking, is he going to suggest something? "Aoi, isn't Yugao on a break tomorrow? If you're free, let's go out on a date." "What?" In an instant. I realized that everyone who was continuing their eating all stopped their chopsticks. The Odanna-sama in question, who was really in a giddy mood continued smiling. "Aoi hasn't had a rest and had always been working hard even after returning from the Orio-ya matter. And I apologize for not taking the time too, for a long while. As a new wife, Aoi has not experienced any hour of fun at all." "It's fine, I have fun every day..." "That's it! Let's go to an orchard park. We can prepare food with apples and grapes, how's that?" While my face holds desperation, somehow Odanna-sama firmly grips my shoulder. "How's that" he says. "Apples and grapes, huh..." Pointing my finger to my chin, an idea popped into my head. For sure, there will be delicious autumn fruits. P26 "OK, let's go, Odanna-sama. I am interested in the orchard park." "I'm happy to hear you say that, Aoi!" With a sigh of relief, Odanna-sama wiped the sweat on his brow. The crowd of egg-topping eaters behind me, once again started moving their chopsticks. "Aoi-san, the orchard park is inside a mountain that connects the northern and north-eastern lands. The autumn leaves in that mountain change early, and I already heard that they're already in full display, so I hope that you can also enjoy the scenery tomorrow." "Ginji-san, you're not coming too?" "Me? I, uhm..." "You also haven't taken a break since the matter with Orio-ya, you should really take a break. Won't you come with us tomorrow?" Odanna-sama invited him, but Ginji-san looked at both Odanna-sama and I, and with a small smile shook his head. "No, thank you. I think I will take care of Tenjin-ya in Odanna-sama and Aoi-san's absence." I think it's the usual Ginji-san answer, but in that time, he wasn't looking at me.

End of Chapter 1, Volume 6. Next - Chapter 2

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Inhuman (3)

Summary: All beings in the universe have a soulmate except for Midgardians. People can hear their soulmate in their heads. For almost five hundred and fifty years, Loki believed that he had no soulmate until 1513 when a Midgardian princess was born. Will fate be kind to them or will the universe tear them apart?

Warnings: violence, language, hella historical inaccuracies (I tried to do research but then got lazy), maybe some AOS season 2 spoilers(?)

Word Count: ~3800

A/N: My HS German teacher would be so disappointed to discover I used Google Translate. I also actually researched WWII med kits for this.

[New York, New York, March 2024]

You sat at your kitchen counter and admired the ruby ring on your finger. Max had gotten half of what he had pillaged from Anderson’s home, you had even let him have first choice. He also got a third of the million dollars you had earned for the death of Morano. You had also given Izzy one fourth of the million for her troubles.

“What’s next?” Max asked from your couch.

“Nothing.” You stood up and joined your friend on the couches.

“Bitch, what are you saying?” He raised an eyebrow at you. Today’s theme was gold. When he had walked into your apartment, he held up one manicured nail as a warning before you could say anything. “We just had a great haul and you wanna stop before we really get the ball rolling?”

“The Avengers got involved,” you pointed out. “I am not dealing with them.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“They’re heroes set on ridding the world of evil and we literally fucking kill people for a living.”

“Uh-huh. Are you sure you’re not just avoiding someone?” Max laughed.

“I’m sure,” you said with a glare but Max only laughed harder. “What I’m avoiding— Max, shut up. What I’m fucking avoiding is being thrown in jail or even death. You just want to be caught so that you can shoot your shot with a supersoldier.”

“Or the God of Thunder.” He gasped and looked at you with wide eyes. “What if we could be in-laws!” You rolled your eyes and suppressed a smirk. “Hmm. Imagine being dicked down by a god. Well, I doubt you have to imagine.”

“Shut.” You picked up a pillow. “The.” You smacked Max. “Fuck.” Smack! “Up.” Smack!

“How was it? Tell me everything.” He escaped to the loveseat and composed himself.

“Get your fuckin’ head out of the gutter, Max. It was back in the 1500s and I was a princess and princesses don’t just go around getting ‘dicked down’ as you so nicely put it.”

“Damn, sometimes I forget that you were literally the Queen of fucking England.” He cocked his head. “Are you sure you don’t want to see Loki again? From what you told me it sounded like you really loved him and he loved you.”

“I-I never said it, though.” It was true. You loved Loki. You still love Loki. Did he love you too? You were soulmates and you were made for each other, but it had been four hundred and eight-six shitty years since he had last seen you. “Not to mention the awkward situation of having to explain why I’m still alive.”

“Um, that’s easy,” Max said. “It’s just, ‘Oh, Loki,’” he mimicked your voice. “‘It’s me, (Y/N), the one and only love of your life. Surprise! I’m still alive.’”

“That’s not how I sound.” But you couldn’t hide your grin.

“‘I am an Inhuman whose power is to look pretty and live forever.’”

“Your power is very obviously not mimicry.”

“See? Easy,” Max smirked. “I give you full permission to plagiarize my speech.”

“Nuh uh. It’s not plagiarism if I pay you to write my speeches.”

“Honey, what speeches are you making?”

Before you could respond, your phone started ringing. Hardly anyone called you. Could it be the Avengers? It couldn’t be, no matter how good Stark’s AI was. Max was also giving your phone a strange look. Your curiosity got the best of you and you answered.

“Hello?”

“(Y/N)? Oh, my god. Listen I know you said only to call if it’s an emergency, but it’s an emergency,” the person on the other side spoke quickly.

“Wait, wait. Arthur, is that you?” Arthur was your man up in Michigan with the ability to generate light.

“Yes, it’s Arthur. I’m calling because the Avengers showed up at my last job. I barely managed to get a picture and get out. I might have blinded the Scarlet Witch!”

“She’ll be okay. Hey, man. How about you lay low for a while. Spread the word for others to do the same.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll do that.”

“Stay safe, Arthur,” you parted.

“What happened?” Max asked.

You told him everything. “We have a technokeniser nearby, don't we?”

🌹

You looked at yourself in the mirror, the night time New York skyline twinkling behind you. You wore nothing but your undergarments, but your black stealth suit was waiting for you on your bed. Your skin was smooth and unblemished thanks to your accelerated cell healing. Everything was perfect except for the single, one-inch scar directly above your left knee.

Apparently, vibranium was your weakness. It didn’t bother you because everyone had to have a weakness. Thankfully, it was a rare metal on Earth. Your cells repaired themselves slowly like a normal human when it came to injuries dealt with vibranium. You had learned that the hard way.

[Austria 1944]

You were in central Austria for two weeks while things back in New York calmed down. It turned out that the man you had strangled three days ago was a low ranking member of the local mafia. Because the man wasn’t that important, they would, hopefully, move on quickly and you could safely resume your contract killings.

It was a beautiful place, with many trees that were changing with the season and beautiful lush mountains. Just a few days after you had arrived, Captain America and the Howling Commandos rolled into town. People cheered and it almost felt like a parade.

You had heard of them of course, going around Europe dismantling the Nazi organization called Hydra. You walked through town, dress swishing around your calves and hair pinned in the latest style. You looked like the stereotypical rich American girl. Your favorite heels clicked along the cobblestone road as you windowshopped.

“Guten Tag Fräulein,” a young man winked at you as he leaned against a wall. “Du siehst wunderschön aus, aber du würdest noch besser aussehen wenn—”

His words stopped when your fist slammed into his face, your ring cutting his cheek. You were not in the fucking mood to be catcalled today. You were never in the mood to be catcalled.

“Du verdienst das,” another male voice said behind you.

You turned around and your eyes widened when you saw one of the Howling Commandos standing there. More specifically, James Buchanan Barnes, Captain America’s best friend from Brooklyn.

“Bist du in Ord-Ordnung?” he stumbled over the word.

“I didn’t know you could speak German,” you smirked and continued your stroll through town. “Not the best at it, though.”

“Oh, you’re American!” He fell into step next to you. From the twenty-some years you had lived in New York growing your business, you had lost your accent.

“I suppose,” you said vaguely.

“We kinda need to know some German if we’re going to be intercepting Nazi communications,” he explained and rubbed the back of his head. “They usually don’t ask if everyone’s alright, so I don’t really know the phrase.”

“Bist du in Ordnung?”

“Bist du in Ordung?” he tried and you chuckled.

“Ord-nung,” you drew out the syllables.

“Ordnung.”

“Bist du in Ordnung?”

“Bist du in Ordnung?”

“That’s better,” you smiled. “You’ll be sweeping girls off their feet with your German in no time Sergent.”

“This may be a bit forward,” he said slowly and you raised your eyebrows. “But… Do you want to see the shield? Considering you’re American and all that. Girls always want to see Captain America’s shield.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m like them.” You brought a finger up to your chin and pretended to think. “But my answer is yes. I would like to see the shield.”

He grinned and led you to the edge of the forest. You held nothing against forests, but they always reminded you of Loki. They reminded you of the days long ago when he actually was there for you. When he cared about you. When you hesitated before going under the cover of trees, Barnes gave you a strange look.

“Just a bit suspicious,” you lied. “Leadin’ a sweet little dame like me into a mysterious forest mere minutes after you met me?”

“Based on what I saw back there, you can handle yourself. If anythin’, I’m worried ‘bout myself. The rest of the Commandos are within shouting distance so don’t you try anything,” he said with a laugh.

You joined in and you two walked deeper into the forest. Sure enough, the sounds of boisterous laughter and cheers reached your ears. Captain America and the Howling Commandos sat around a small clearing. When you said ‘small clearing’ you meant small. Like a circle with a three-meter radius small.

“Who do you have there, Buck?” a tall blond asked. It took you a moment to realize that he was Captain America. You almost didn’t recognize him without his helmet.

“Fellas, this is… Do I know your name?” The Howling Commandos lived up to their names and began to howl with laughter.

“You can call me (Y/N),” you laughed. “James saw me punch a guy and invited me to check out Captain America’s shield.”

“What’s a nice American dame doin’ all the way in Austria?” a man with a prominent mustache asked. Dum Dum Dougan.

“Hiding.”

“So you wanted to see the shield?” Jim Morita asked.

“That would be nice.” A look passed around the group. “I’m not going to steal it,” you scoffed. “Even if that was my intention, I’m wearing heels.” Another look went around.

“Be careful,” the Captain handed the red, white, and blue shield to you. “Buck, can I talk to you?” He and Barnes walked away and with your enhanced hearing, you briefly heard, “-can’t just bring over any dame…”

You smirked and examined the shield. Vibranium, the metal was called. It was strange how light it actually was. Once you finished, you looked up at the remaining Commandos who were staring at you.

“Do you know any tricks?”

Gabe Jones eagerly raised his hand and you passed him the shield. The other men quickly scrambled away. Jones threw the shield like a frisbee and it rebounded off of a tree with surprising speed, the dark-skinned man barely caught it.

“That was pretty good, eh?” he asked the group.

“Au moins, cela n'a touché personne cette fois,” Jacques Dernier spoke in quick French. At least you didn’t hit anyone this time. Jones groaned and you hid your smirk.

“I have a trick,” James Montgomery Falsworth said.

He took the shield from Jones and everyone took another step backward. Falsworth noticed this and rolled his eyes. He roughly threw the shield in the air with a flick of his wrist that gave it a spin. You guessed he wanted it to bounce back to him, but the shield hit a rock and veered off course.

Instead of returning to Falsworth’s hand, it flew at you. The vibranium hit your left leg above your knee through your dress. How sharp was the shield because it actually cut your leg. You could already see some blood seep into the dress.

“Oh fuck! I mean gosh darn it!” Dougan cried and helped you stay on your feet.

“I didn’t— I’m so sorry,” Falsworth stuttered in his British accent. “Are you okay?”

If only he knew that he had hit one of his former Queens. The thought made you laugh through the stinging pain in your leg. You shifted your weight onto your right leg.

“I’m fine,” you said in between short bursts of giggles. It wasn’t that funny. Anyways, the wound would heal soon.

“What happened?” Captain America and Barnes returned to the group.

“Uh—”

“Er—”

“Um—”

“The shield hit my leg,” you said and motioned to the small bit of blood on your dress. “I’m fine though.”

“We were only gone for two minutes.” The Captain looked at the Commandos.

“They just wanted to show off for a pretty dame,” Barnes winked at you.

“I told you guys to be careful,” the Captain sighed. “Come with me, ma’am, and I can help you clean up.”

Small wounds like these would usually be healed by now so you were about to tell him that you can handle it yourself but you could still feel the sting of the cut. You nodded and accepted his invitation. You walked over to him and he put an arm around you to help you support your weight.

He brought you to a house on the edge of the forest. Rows of cots covered the ground. A table with a map stood in the back. Men’s clothes and trinkets laid around the room. The Captain led you to one cot and pulled out a small first aid kit from underneath.

You rolled your skirt up just until the wound was visible. It was about two and a half centimeters long, but it was a bit deeper than you expected. The Captain pulled out a small tin box that read ‘Iodine Swabs.’ He removed one of the swabs and began to clean around your wound.

“I don’t know how this could have happened,” he said. You realized he was trying to avoid touching you.

“You can touch me. I don’t mind.” He nodded and the process went faster. “And don’t worry about the shield.”

“It shouldn’t be able to cut skin like this.” He moved onto the hydrogen peroxide and dampened a cotton pad with the solution.

“It was spinning. Maybe that had something to do with it?” Another question, a more important question was why weren’t you healed yet?

“Maybe.” Then he began to profusely apologize when you hissed the moment the hydrogen peroxide touched your wound. “Sorry, ma’am.”

“It’s alright, Captain,” you laugh lightly. “And just call me (Y/N).”

“Alright, (Y/N).” He wrapped your injury and gave you a kind smile. “Then you can call me Steve.”

“First name basis with Captain America, huh?”

🌹

Your phone read 2:47 as your silver Porsche 911 rolled to a silent stop with its headlights off. The Avengers compound was about a mile up the road. Liam, with his technokinesis, managed to get you this close, but now you had to leave the safety of the car. You crept through the woods, Max and Liam close behind you.

Liam just wore black jeans and a black leather jacket. He also had a black bandana around his head, again, courtesy of Max. Max also wore a similar leather jacket and bandana as well as black leather pants and a cape. He had shown you his Captain America shirt underneath the jacket, you know, ‘just in case.’ You were in a fucking normal skintight stealth suit.

“What if we get lost?” Liam whispered.

“We won’t,” you said. There was a force pulling you in the right direction. You could feel the familiar aura Loki’s presence grow stronger as you neared the compound. Your heart was racing, but it wasn’t because of the current mission. Could he feel you too?

Fifteen minutes later, the Avengers compound came into view. Fortunately, Liam didn’t need a computer to do his work. Stark was so fucking tech savvy that all Liam needed was to get inside. He didn’t need any help to do that either, easily disabling the electronic locks. Honestly, you and Max were just there for protection. Max took watch outside while you stayed with Liam inside.

“You know what to do?” you asked and kept your eyes fixed on the dark hallway.

“Yeah,” he placed his hand on the wall and closed his eyes. Glowing blue lines that resembled a circuit board grew from his hand. “First delete everything they have on us. Then, if there’s time, scramble everything else.”

“How long is it going to take?”

“Not too long. Maybe ten to fifteen minutes?”

This was the closest you’ve been to Loki since 2012. Maybe the closest you’ve been to him since 1538. What was he doing right now? Was he sleeping? Would your presence wake him up? If you could just…

“Where are you going?” Liam’s words shook you out of your head.

Where were you going? To your soulmate, probably. You were five feet away from where you stood before your mind was consumed by the thought of Loki.

The distraction had consequences when Max’s shout of surprise made you look back just in time to see your friend doge a blast from Iron Man. A small sound from the end of the hall caused you to whirl back around. You ducked, barely missing being decapitated by Captain America’s shield and you knew you wouldn’t heal from that.

“Fuck.” You pulled out a gun as the shield returned to its owner. “How much time do you need?” You fired twice down the hall and saw two sets of sparks where the bullets met the vibranium shield. Your eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and saw your opponent.

“Just give me two minutes.”

Liam opened his eyes and clenched his fist at the flying billionaire outside. The Iron Man suit’s eyes dimmed and it fell to the ground. That left Max to deal with the Black Widow who was doing well on Max’s ice-like surface.

You went to meet the Captain in the dim hallway. You landed a quick hit on him before he could react. Instead of raising his shield, he pushed it into your chest, shoving you back. He moved forward and you dodged his punch. You went to punch Steve’s head again and this time he raised his shield. When he did, you used your other hand to punch him in the stomach. Hard. He bent over slightly and you took the opportunity to sweep his feet out from under him. You noticed something…

Shit, was Loki getting closer? You could feel the link grow stronger.

Steve used his shield to sweep your feet out from under you this time. You landed on your back which knocked the breath out of you. To recover, you took a deep breath while Steve pinned you to the ground. He was about to hit your face but you managed to catch his fist. Using his momentum, you forced his fist down to the side of your face, throwing him off balance. You flipped him over and now you were on top.

“Ma’am, we can work this out,” he said. Captain America, always the diplomat.

“I thought we were on a first name basis, Steve,” you smirked and you could pinpoint the moment realization set in. Using his distracted state, you grabbed his shield and slammed it into the side of his head, effectively knocking him out.

“We’re good to go,” Liam called. Just in time because Loki was definitely coming.

You stood up and took an involuntary step in the wrong direction. In the direction Loki was. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. Come on, (Y/N). Go the other way. Finally, your body listened to you and you ran out the doors.

“You deleted the security footage of tonight too, right?” you asked Liam as you ran.

“Yes, I got that too.”

Max saw the two of you and joined you, leaving the Black Widow on the unnaturally smooth grass. You passed the Iron Man suit that was laying on its back. Wait, was the Stark asshole still in there? Yes, you could hear faint complaining coming from the suit.

You felt the ground under you change to feel springier like a track, no doubt Max’s doing. The three of you made it back to the car within seven minutes, all of you out of breath with you less so than the two men.

You started your car and sped down the road. Max and Liam collapsed in the back.

“Man, that was awesome what you did to Iron Man,” Max laughed.

“Nah, you were great against the Black Widow. Not everyone gets away with just a black eye and cut lip.”

“And bruised ribs and missing a cape.”

The two men laughed in the backseat as the adrenaline wore off but your tight grip on the steering wheel didn’t relax until the feeling of Loki was gone.

🌹

Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Thor, and Brunnhilde were immediately called to the conference rooms when they returned from Michigan. Steve quickly found Bucky by the hanger. The metal armed supersoldier noticed that his blond friend was in uniform and had a couple faint bruises on his face.

“What the fuck happ—”

“Do you remember being in Austria in 1944?” Steve cut him off.

“Those were pretty busy years, pal. We were all over the fuckin’ place.”

“Do you remember a girl? You said she punched some Austrian guy in the face for catcalling her. You brought her to meet the Commandos and Falsworth hit her with my shield? Her name was (Y/N).”

“Um, yeah, I think I remember. She taught me some German.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Why are you askin’?”

“She was here and it was like she hadn’t aged a day,” Steve said and gauged his friend’s reaction. “She was actually the one to…” he gestured at his bruised face.

“So what actually happened?” They walked into the conference room.

“Short story?” Tony asked. A blind man would have been able to tell that the billionaire was furious. “Three fucking people broke into the fucking compound and fucking deleted the files I had created for the fucking white rose assassins case.” He slammed his fist on the table each time he swore.

“What do we have?” Sam asked. “‘Cause we got nothin’ from Michigan.”

“Yeah.” Wanda put her head on the table. “Just blinded.”

“Three people,” Steve repeated. “Two men and one woman, all enhanced. against me, Nat, and Tony. Clint is still benched.”

“Where were you, brother?” Thor looked at Loki.

“I was distracted about something else,” he stated

Loki thought about what had happened during the attack. He had sensed her. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? Something had been trying to pull him somewhere. When he finally gave in, the feeling had led him to find an unconscious Captain and Stark trapped in his own suit. The tugging had faded then and the attackers were nowhere to be found.

“The woman,” Steve continued. “I think she was the same one from the cafe.”

“She has to be at the head of this thing,” Nat said.

Loki had thought the woman in the video had reminded him of (Y/N).

“I met her before.” Everyone looked at Steve.

“We both did,” Bucky added. “In Austria back during the war.”

“And she hasn’t aged a day. She referenced something she said when we met. I know it was her. I never forget anything.”

The God of Mischief’s heart missed a beat. Was it possible for the woman to be older than they thought? All signs were pointing at (Y/N). The woman’s familiarity. The strange tugging. The long life.

“What does this mean?” Clint asked.

“We don’t know.”

*

*

*

*

*

Tags: @kaithehero @liliannyah @andreasworlsboring101 @oatballsoffury @aberrant-annie @simplybree @adalina-perez @emage-king @yandereforyou @notactiveonmain @tvdplusriverdale

[inkribbon796]

Like a House of Cards Ch. 3: The Traitors Among Us

Summary: Two of the Suits’ identity victims need to escape to help their friends.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

. . . plink . . . clank . . .

When Ethan had awoken after being kidnapped he felt panic, but over the course of a couple hours that had turned to anger. He’d been kidnapped, he didn’t know where his dog was and he was sure nothing good could come from the situation.

. . . plick . . . clank . . .

He had to get out while he had the chance. There was a faint sound in the distance. Ethan had tried calling to the sound but he didn’t get a response. Ethan had tried the door to the cell he was in but it was magically locked and he couldn’t get out.

While he was trying to fiddle with the lock, he blinked and someone was standing in front of him. Ethan was afraid his hand would have gotten hit or shot, but he realized it was just the Host.

“Host, I thought I was fucked,” Ethan sighed in relief and stood up. “Did they drag you in here too?”

“No, the Host merely came to assist where he could,” the Host answered and with his narrations the lock disengaged and disappeared from existence into a puff of aura. “He does delight in telling Crank that he was only in emotional danger, not in physical danger.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure the cage counts as physical danger as well,” Ethan chuckled, in better spirits than a couple seconds ago. “Wanna help bust some heads in?”

The Seer’s head tilted a little. “The Host must not intervene too much, but he does have some information to pass along, some information that Crank will enjoy hearing, and others that he will not.”

“Alright,” Ethan complied, a touch nervous.

“Excellent,” the Host smiled and with a few careful words Ethan’s superhero outfit and mask were carefully folded into a neat little pile in his hands. “First, Crank must not put on his mask until he and Chase leave this base.”

“Ehh, alright,” Ethan agreed and changed into his outfit, mask in hands. “Okay, what now?”

“On the wall behind the Host is a hidden panel that leads to a hallway,” the Host explains. “As Crank comes up to the panel it will flip open and it will prompt Crank to speak a passcode which is the word sunrise.”

“Su—” Ethan began to repeat to show he understood.

“Crank must not speak it until he is at the panel,” the Host interrupted sharply. “The AI that Spade has hooked up to the base is rudimentary but very effective. Crank must be sure and confident when he speaks with it, and it will let Crank access its features. Is the Host understood?”

“Yes,” Ethan nodded.

“Good, the Host is glad to help,” Host smiled. “Now, and this will be the part that Crank will not like hearing, but there will be three doors along the hallway that Crank and the AI will walk into. The first door to the right contains all of the heroes’ and villains’ various pets that have been stolen over the course of a couple hours.”

“Spencer!” Ethan gasped, already moving to push past the Host but he ran into a magical barrier that stopped him.

The Host’s aura grabbed Ethan. “Listen, Crank, it is imperative that the AI does not know that he is Crank. To do that Crank must walk past the door, he cannot even look at the door. The Host can magically enchant it so that the Suits cannot enter it if that makes Crank feel better. Crank must listen or he will jeopardize the safety of countless people.”

“Is he safe?” Ethan asked.

“Yes,” the Host nodded. “He is not hungry or hurt, and will continue to be safe if Crank will follow the Host’s instructions.”

“Alright,” Ethan took a deep breath and nodded, “okay.”

“Good,” the Host relaxed. “Now, the door at the end of the hallway is holding Chase. You will order the AI to free Chase and unlock the door, whatever reasoning the AI gives for him being in there, agree with it and then go through the final door. The AI will not follow you into the room. He cannot hear you in that room. There will be a generator and a glass case. Take the three items in the case but do not release the souls inside of the case and take the generator with you when you leave through the elevator. Do not call for the AI’s assistance, Chase’s costume will be waiting for him in the base.”

“Okay,” Ethan nodded and when he blinked the Host was gone. “Okay.”

First thing’s first he had to leave and find Chase, which was a great idea because he didn’t want to be alone in an enemy base. So Crank walked up to the wall and just like the Host predicted a white panel rolled down out of the wall and Ethan said without waiting to be prompted, “Sunrise.”

The panel lit up with cyan blue light and it said, “Access Granted.”

That was Captain Morality’s voice!

The door opened and Ethan looked around for Patton but didn’t see him. Ethan already started walking. Immediately he saw there was a short hallway with three doors and immediately to his right was the door Host had warned him about.

He took two steps forward, chanting at himself to ignore the door, and on the second step Patton materialized out of pixels. He was all smiles and not in a mask.

“Hey, Eef,” Patton smiled as Ethan started internally freaking out.

“Hey,” Ethan cursed himself for not knowing the Captain’s real name. He had heard it once or twice but it escaped him completely. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know,” Patton smiled. “Big day and all. I’m all excited.”

“Oh yeah,” Ethan smiled, trying to act like he knew what the hell was going on. “Just gonna grab A— uh, Chase. He got himself shut up in the other room.”

Patton frowned, looking confused before a lightbulb literally popped up over his head, “Ohh, that makes since. Did he get angry at Lo again? Silly. It’s a big mission day.”

With that the door at the end of the hallway opened as Ethan opened up the door to what looked like a workshop.

“Alrighty,” Patton smiled, entirely too chipper. “I’ll wait for the signal, just tell me when Lo’s ready for the transistor.”

“I’ll bring it to him,” Ethan told Patton, motioning to Chase to follow him, “just bring it into the workshop.”

Patton made a giddy squeal, clapping his hands, “Yay, right away.”

Then he was gone, and Ethan was left with Chase watching him cautiously. So the young hero was left trying to play charades with his eyes, “Come on, Chase, time for the mission, let’s go.”

Chase finally followed Ethan into the room and the instant Ethan closed the door, Chase had him pinned by the neck to the wall.

“Hey! Woah! Woah!” Ethan held up his hands. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

“I saw yeh[1] with them,” Chase accused angrily. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know, the Host just told me to find you,” Ethan was practically stumbling over his words. “What do you want?”

“How did Robbie die?” Chase demanded.

“I left him and Wil killed him,” Ethan admitted.

Chase eased up off of him as the two looked around the workshop. Everything looked back up next to a huge folded up bench.

“Are those rockets?” Ethan asked.

“Maybe?” Chase said and looked at a generator that was hooked up to the bench. A screen on the generator read: “Upload 15%”

“Yeh[1] look important,” Chase commented and unplugged it.

The screen flashed blue and then read: “Do you wish to discontinue?” And then it had underneath buttons for: “Yes” and “No” for someone to press.

Naturally Chase pressed “Yes” and Chase grabbed the generator. “Takin’ yeh with.”[2]

Ethan was looking at the glass case that had Deceit’s cane, a metronome, and an octopus belt buckle. Then he opened up the case and grabbed them. “We should go.”

“Yeah,” Chase agreed.

At that the bench folded up into a metallic cub that was about three inches in every direction. An insignia of a light blue heart glowing on it. It was remarkably heavy for something so small.

The two heroes headed for the other door and found it was an elevator. They took the elevator up into a well-furnished, but small, two-floor house. One that was dripping in stuff that seemed like the Duke or Deceit would own.

There was a car in the garage that was the Light Sides’ car and the two heroes found the keys in the kitchen. Then they loaded up the car with the stuff from the workshop.

When they opened the garage door the Host was there waiting for them and backed up so that Chase didn’t hit him.

“Chase should take these,” the Host held out a stack of nineteen playing cards.

“Uhh, thanks,” Chase took them, and as he was placing them in the glove box the Host spoke up again.

“The Dealer thinks that Chase should give those to the Host the next time he sees him,” the Host smiled and when Chase looked back the Seer was gone.

A chill passed through Chase’s body and he quickly rolled up the windshield and left to try and find the nearest road to get back home.

Back in the city the heroes were still fighting the Suit but they had all gotten closer to the dome. Logan’s nanites stripping metal from cars to attack the heroes with, as Google helped defend Bing and himself but was very hesitant to directly attack Logan.

“He’s inorganic,” Google argued.

“Then help me put him in sleep mode!” Bing shouted.

Marvin was helping Jackie fight off J.J and they had yet to even touch him. The imposter Ethan was fighting Bob and Wade in-between the two groups. Several of the other heroes nearby were trying to find the imposter Chase who had disappeared, others were helping in fight.

Which is exactly when the real Chase arrived with the Sides’ car and slammed it right into the imposter Logan who exploded into a cloud of nanites.

Google let out a horrified sound as Chase leaned out of the window.

“Yeh fooker! Yeh can go an’ rot in hell with the rest ‘a the Suit fooks!”[3] Chase shouted as Ethan was already pulling the generator out of the back seat.

“Bing!” Ethan yelled, holding up the generator. “Take it! Take it!”

Logan reformed and looked at the generator and more importantly Ethan with such an inhumane and furious look that Chase got back in the car.

“Uh on, get in Crank, I’m hittin’[4] him again!” Chase yelled and Logan physically shoved the car away. The car crashing into a telephone pole and dazing Chase. In the crash, Deceit’s staff snapped at the hook and it shook with a yellow light and suddenly Janus was sitting in the front seat looking fifteen types of pissed off.

“The fook[5]?” Chase asked, dazed.

The Dark Side looked down at the buckle and metronome. He picked them up and teleported himself out of the car as Logan finished pulling himself together.

“Who are you?” Janus hissed in a rage, his aura pushing Remus out of the buckle and tossing it at the Dark Side’s chest. “Pull your pants up.”

“Ooh, it’s the fake Logan,” Remus smiled in sadistic glee and summoned his mace.

“It would seem so,” Janus ripped the metronome pendulum out and snapped it in half. Orange falling flat on his back. The deceitful Side summoned a new staff as he glared at Logan.

“Get out of my way,” Logan’s body glitched.

Janus’s eyes and features became more serpentine and he actually hissed.

Remus was staring at him, in a mixture of fear and interest, “Well that’s a pleasant thing to wake up to.”

“Not now, darling, just bludgeon him to death,” Janus hissed at Remus.

Logan glitched in anger and was already going for Ethan who was passing the generator over to Bing who quickly extracted a good sized blue solid state drive from it by the handle. The drive let out a frustrated blue glow over and over again but the three charms dangling from a notch in the drive looked normal.

“Don’t you look fancy?” Bing commented and a shrill tone that caused all the Septics, imposter or real, to freeze and cover their ears.

“Put them back!” Logan shouted in rage. “Put them back before you kill them!”

Remus raced over to Bing and Ethan, swinging his mace, “Here let me help.”

“No, we don’t know what it does,” Bing tried to pull the drive out the path of danger.

The magic from Remus’s mace nicked the shield pendant which started glowing an angry red before it snapped into pieces. The red shield pin broke and a flash of red light shot out. Roman tumbled out of the pin, screaming as he tumbled out onto the ground.

“Get away!” Roman panicked.

“No!” Glitch Logan roared. “You’re going back in!”

“You!” Roman frantically pulled his imagination around him, summoning up his sword and shield. Around him a ferocious red dragon stood around him as he stared down Logan. “Give Virgil back, you fiend!”

Bing looked at the drive and the other two charms, before looking over at Roman, “That’s Logan, he’s turning into a demon.”

Janus flinched, glancing at Bing before staring back at Logan and really looking at him.

“That may be a demon,” Roman proclaimed, pointing his sword at the person in question. “But it’s not Logan. My dear nerd may be course of tongue and cold as an ice cream sundae, but he would never be so vile and rough.”

“Eloquent as always, Princey,” Logan smiled, his form glitching.

The dragon roared, Roman clearly furious as well, “Don’t you dare, you do not get to call me that. Cease wearing my lover’s face or I will separate you from it.”

After so long of being still and ominous the dome seemed to ripple and it lunged out, like a long hang, snagging both Roman from the middle of the crowd and the drive right out of Bing’s hands. It dragged both of them into the dome with barely another ripple. The last thing anyone saw before the dome went still again was the Host’s smiling face as he held the drive in his hand and disappeared into the dark aura of the dome.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations

1. you

2. Taking you with.

3. You fucker! You can go and rot in hell with the rest of the Suit fucks!

4. hiting

5. fucker

[fandomoneshots-imagines]

Walking in Memphis (Tony Stark x Reader)

Summary: Reader realizes she’s in trouble and calls for the first person she knows that can help her.

Note: This is for @thefanficfaerie​ 3500 follower challenge but I do believe it’s going to turn out to be a mini series.

Warnings: horrible google translated french

“Mom, did you put yogurt or apple slices in my lunch?” A small voice shouted from the bathroom down our hallway.

“I put orange slices.” I yelled back, putting my daughter's lunchbox in her backpack. She had been off of yogurt in her lunchbox after an unfortunate incident when it upset her tummy. 

“Yummy,” her voice travelled softly down the hallway. “Yogurt is yucky!”

“Never again. Did you put your homework in your backpack last night?” I asked, grabbing everything the two of us needed to go about our day.

“Yeah, but do I have to go to school?” She pouted, grabbing her backpack off the entry table she would usually place the bag. My beautiful and gorgeous baby girl, Polly, was a little genius at 8 years old and was in the ninth grade grade, which put her seven years younger than her classmates. Several of the kids in her class would pick on her because of her age, size, and for how smart she was. Her little genius head was something she got from her father.

“I know baby girl but I has to work today. And remember, it’s Friday so tomorrow we can spend all day on the couch watching movies.” I held her hand as we walked to the car. As I lifted her up into her booster seat I would feel eyes  watching us.

“Mom, can we talk to Hawk tonight?” Polly asked as I climbed into the driver seat.

I smiled back at her, noticing a black SUV down the block behind us, “Would you rather talk to him right now?” I asked and connected my phone to the car. She cheered as I pressed the contact for my old friend. 

“Well if it isn’t one of my favorite people ever.” A deep voice answered immediately.

“Hey Barton, I got a request to talk to you before drop off.”

“Little bird?!” He cheered happily. The two started talking animatedly with each other. I looked behind us noticing the SUV following. As the two kept talking I put on the song Walking in Memphis. “What’s wrong?”

“Just got something on my foot.” I mumbled, looking in the rearview mirror. Clint and I have been best friends ever since I joined the Avengers nearly ten years ago. We would get teamed up the most along with Natasha. While on missions we would use code words if we were in trouble. Anytime we would play, sing, or hum Walking in Memphis, it would let the other person know that something was up. The phrase ‘something on my foot’ meant we were being followed.

“Keep driving. Don’t stop. Don’t take Polly to school.” Polly cheered about no school, “We’ve been having issues with HYDRA.” Clint spoke quickly, you could hear him running around most likely gathering his equipment for extraction.

“Clint, you can’t bring him.” I spoke softly.

“I’ll do my best to keep him away. Nat and I will be there ASAP.”

*Clint’s POV*

I quickly began rushing around gathering all my equipment needed to get Y/N and Polly out of there. After throwing my bow over my shoulder, I walked into the kitchen to find Nat sitting at the kitchen island reading a file with Tony fixing a pot of coffee.

“I didn’t know you had a mission scheduled.” Nat said as she looked up from the file.

“It’s an extraction actually.” I looked over to Tony, “In Memphis.” She immediately pushed her seat back and stood up, causing the billionaire to look back.

“Are they ok?” She asked as the two of us headed to the hanger for the quintjet.

“I don’t know. She said that someone was following her.” I said as we climbed onto the aircraft.

 “HYDRA?” Nat asked, starting the plane up. We both buckled in and put on headsets.

“Gonna assume so.” I sighed and looked over to my other best friend. “We’re gonna have to bring them back here aren’t we?”

“It’s the safest option for them.”

*original pov*

“Mommy I need to use the bathroom!” Polly whined, waking up from the back seat. I sighed and pulled over into the nearest gas station and dialed Clint’s phone.

“Is everything ok?” He answered after the first ring.

“I’m pulling over for a bathroom break. What’s your ETA?” I asked and looked all around before stepping out of the car. I stayed on the phone as I opened up the back door and helped Polly down.

“We’re about 30 minutes out. We’ve got your location pinged.” 

“We?” I asked, my voice shaking with worry.

“It’s just me and Nat.”

“How’s little bird?” Her soft voice echoed through the receiver. 

“She’s doing good.” I smiled and held out the phone, “Wanna speak to Auntie Nat?” Polly quickly took the phone talking with the deadly woman. I carried her into the gas station and into the bathroom, taking the phone while she did her business. Once she was finished and had her hands washed I handed back her phone.

 “Momma, Auntie Nat said they we’re almost here. Are we going on a trip?”

“Kinda baby girl.” I eyed the cashier as we walked past then looked down at Polly, “Rappelez-vous que je vous ai parlé des mauvaises personnes que je chassais?” (Remember I told you about the bad people I used to chase?)

“Ils nous poursuivent cette fois??” She asked, her eyes widening in fear. (Are they chasing us this time?)

“l'araignée et l'oiseau viennent nous sauver.” I smiled and reassured her and picked her up taking the phone to speak to Nat

.“quand le petit oiseau a-t-il appris le français?” Nat chuckled through the phone, “Were at your location by the way.”

 I walked out of the building to see the quintet landing in the field next to the gas station. I let out a sigh of relief and went to the car grabbing Polly’s backpack. As I turned around the ramp dropped down and I sat her down letting her run to the two familiar people coming down. 

“My little bird!” Clint yelled, scooped her up, and squeezed her tightly. The small girl hugged him back just as tight, or as tight as she possibly could. Natasha wrapped her slender arms around me.

“Is everything ok?” She asked softly. I nodded but saw a familiar SUV speeding down the road.

“We have to go.” I pulled Natasha’s hand into the jet and Clint followed quickly behind, holding tightly onto Polly. As soon as the two agents got seated they started up the engines and within five minutes took off. I watched out of the front window as the SUV drifted into the parking lot. Five men all jumped out with guns pointed at the aircraft.

“Where are we going now Mom?” Polly asked from the seat Clint has quickly buckled her into. I sighed and walked over sitting beside her.

“Far away from Memphis baby girl.” I kissed her forehead.

*Tony’s POV*

After Natasha and Bird Brain #1 left I went about my day as usual, trying to develop new suits or improving something else in the building, 

“Tony, do you know where Nat is?” James asked as he came in, sitting beside me.

“Her and Clint went on some kind of extraction mission or whatever.” I shrugged moving back and forth between the screens in front of me.

“What the hell? We were supposed to train together.” He scrunched his eyebrows together. “Do you know where they went?” He asked, picking up one of the tools and fiddling with it.

“I think Clint said Memphis.” I mumbled and the tool immediately fell from his hands.

“Memphis? I uhhhh, I got to go.” As he stood up the stool he was sitting on fell over and he sprinted out of the room.

“Tony, I just wanted to remind you about the charity ball tonight.” Pepper came in a minute later after Bucky fled the room, “We have to be there by 8 o’clock and it’s noon now.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders from behind. I smiled and kissed one of her arms and kissed the ring on her left hand. 

“I’ll promise to be there. Will I be on time? Who knows.” I spun around in my chair leaning my head on her torso. She let out a chuckle and raked her fingers through my hair. I looked up at the sound of the quintjet coming near and getting ready to land. 

“I have a bone to pick with those two.” I grumbled and stood up. I placed a soft kiss on Pepper’s lips and walked out, my arms crossed over my chest.

“Tony, I could use your help inside!” Steve ran out. “Uhhh I don’t know how to work the internets!”

 “What’s going on?” I started to get suspicious with how everyone was acting. Steve for sure knows how to use the internet. I’ve seen his search history. Steve kept trying to get me to go back inside as the jet opened up. Clint and Natasha walked down and once they saw me they both froze.

“Tony, the security council was wanting to have a meeting over the reports from last month.” Pepper came out as well and stopped as Clint and Natasha came down. Behind the two spies was a familiar outline and I could practically feel my heart stop. Again.

Y/N was coming out of the jet with a small child hanging off of her. She sat the child down and I got a good look at her.

 “So, Memphis?” I looked between the three adults and the child standing before me, my heart rate picking up. I Bent down, my hands on my knees, as I tried to control my now quickened breathing. 

Pepper looked back and forth between the girl and me, “I’ll let the people with the ball know that you’re not going to make it.” 

[il-allora]

Oversharing II

Check out  @reynaruina ‘s Ponytail Dib AU

CW: Mental health, depression, dub con, alcoholism. If it isn’t your shit, don’t go there, babe.

—

Fucking hell… “ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!” he screamed from his window and ran to put pants on as the ground shook under his feet, the sound was loud and ominous enough that the neighbors stopped screaming at each other and just started screaming in general confusion. Dib sighed, looking at the time on his watch, “Motherf— Ugh!” he complained shoving his feet into his boots and yanking his coat from the kitchen chair. He slammed the door behind him and heard the entrance mirror he had turned fall and break as another tremor shook the building. Shit.

He sighed and wondered what was he doing again as he walked down the stairs, revising his pockets until he finally found his flask and taking a swig from it. What was the fucking point? He was gonna save the city and the world again, for everyone to ignore what happened with the guy with the skin condition and the… Fucking. Colossal. Robot. Heading downtown… In any other context, that would be cool as hell, he caught himself thinking.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts and taking another swig of cheap gin, he put the flask away and took his car keys. Revised the trunk where his world-saving-gear was in since the incident with the zombies. He could use the extra power interruption system he had upstairs, but this would make due… Dib sighed, climbed on his car and turned it on, “I told him I didn’t wanna fucking do this this fucking week,” he swiveled in traffic and over the sidewalks, people cursing at him as he apologized apathetically at the insults and ugly handsigns… He should just go there and wreck his own bit of havoc by letting Zim have an extra minute of glory punching buildings or whatever he was doing.

Parking his car on a corner he took the backpack with the Swollen Eyes symbol and said, “Let’s do this,” against his every impulse he walked towards the robot as people ran away in hoards pressing and pushing him, he even felt a kick at the knee (what the hell??). Once he was close enough he put his digital signature detection googles and saw most commands for the robot were at the top… “Fucking great, space boy, not cliché at all.”

Pushing the googles up he ran for cover against a hydrant, then against the piece of a building, inching his way towards the gigantic, stupid thing. Behind cars, behind debris, jumping and dodging rocks of all sized the robot seemed to be kicking around undecided on where to go. Until he found the stairs and ran to climb up almost losing a foot as the alien seemed to notice him and try to shake him off, good time to use the tensors at his trousers to climb, awesome… It’s great to remind yourself why you’re broke by buying everything you need for confrontation with an alien invader. Just as he wanted his Saturday to end.

Adrenalin cursed through him as he put a little laser robot he built to burn through the metal, pushing his goggles down over his glasses, he waited while the robot… Danced? Hm. He climbed in and then found high ground at the air vents, taking a go pro strapped to his head along with a flashlight, he crawled up and down and over to the next room, then the next and as he thought he was lost in the stupid thing.

Finally falling through to a dark room filled with machines… Huh… Control room. He looked around, recovering as easily as ever from the fall and forgetting how bothered he was by this whole matter for a second as he fiddled around and rigged the computer with a little self destruction command he’d learned from his times abducted at Zim’s house.

Cautiously walking to the door, he bumped into GIR, “Destroy intruder!!” he said with his eyes turning red and Dib prepared for anything the crazy thing had in store, before he could know it had climbed to his chest and started ticking him, “HAHAHHAHAHHA, fuck, stop!! STOP!!!” running down the hall as he could in the middle of the weirdest, scratchiest tickle fight he’d had ever in his life. He fell on through the door by the end, belly on the cold metallic floor as the little robot climbed off his back “Well done, GIR!! Now, strap him!!!”.

Dib growled and panted as GIR screamed, “Yes, Master! CANDYYY!!” Then from his head he shot sticky candy that quickly had him stuck to the floor. Dib sighed again, somehow there was a part of him that regretted leaving his apartment, while the rest of him screamed at it ‘if you didn’t the world would be doomed’, ‘fuck the world, the news will be that there was a hurricane downtown anyway’ said the apathetic side and he looked up at Zim defiantly, “LET ME GO NOW, ZIM!!” to which the alien laughed. “Oh, I knew that if I made enough noise The Dib would come to the rescue of this pathetic, little rock… I KNEW YOU COULDN’T RESIST THE CHALLENGE!!!” Dib sighed and pressed his forehead to the floor, lifting it quickly thankful that it hadn’t stuck to the floor…

He narrowed his eyes at Zim and said, “You won’t win, Zim! It’s already time you realized that you don’t stand a chance against Earth!” the blade hidden in his sleeve came out and he saw through the candy as Zim kept chatting. God that guy loved to chat about his grandioseness…

“You make Zim laugh, Dib stink! HA!” he laughed sitting back at the pilot seat sparing one last glance at Dib as he struggled against his ties, “Now at least you get a first row seat to watch me burn down this city and unleash doom on my path to your preseedent’s back yard!” he laughed manically as the robot stumbled, “Oh… Computer!! What was that?!” he screamed. The AI was blocked out when Dib unleashed the virtual self destruction. He finished freeing his feet, at which GIR applauded cheerfully as if he were performing a magic trick.

Dib rose an eyebrow at it, and then jumped back as a leg from Zim’s pack punctured the floor before him, “I told you, you won’t-!” the ray came from nowhere and missed him by an inch, before he could brace himself he was thrown against the wall and pushed up by his collar. The gin he’d had was enough as not to mind the pain too much, so he swallowed thickly against the pressure and he had seldom seen Zim so close. They looked at each other for a long moment and Dib was having a rough time not liking being manhandled by his rival, but alas, fight goes both ways. He punched Zim in the face and he fell back with Dib on all fours on top of him. Two fundamental notes on irkens were that: 1) They were strong and 2) They knew how to make a fight.

The knee to his stomach was almost sweet and he doubled over, falling on the mechanical legs trapped under him. So they stayed there on the floor, literally rolling punches until the both of them were battered and somehow Dib felt less angry about his life choices. He could do this all his life, he was good at this, the world needed him.

Soon enough Zim limped away after breaking a window as he lifted and pushed Dib almost through it, the robot was quickly going down as Zim had GIR lift him by the pack to safety and as the ground approached Dib counted to three, made a jump of faith and rolled on glass and tough broken asphalt as the robot collapsed on the ground. 

Panting and pressing at his bloody nose, Dib limped a few blocks away, feeling his coat sticking to his arms and holding his belly as it was still queasy. The robot exploded to bits and sent him rolling to the ground again, he covered his head as the expansive wave broke the window of every building around him.

Zim is definitely why he can’t have nice things… He wanted a peaceful Saturday night wallowing in self pity and having a shameful orgasm or sleeping…

Groaning and grunting, Dib finally got to his feet. Leaning heavily against a building and walking down the street. He didn’t even bother looking back, he unstuck his coat and then noticed that his shirt had been cut at the front… What the hell was with Zim and shirt breaking?! He sighed and covered himself as well as he could, leaving the coat and backpack in the trunk. 

After a while he finally plopped down on the driver’s seat in a haze and saw the parking ticket on the windshield… Of course…. This fucking city… He put the car on drive and went back home. Earth’s savior needed to get blackout drunk right fucking now.

On the other side of town, in a strange little house there was an alien smiling at the screen showing Dib walking out of his car and the door of the vehicle falling as he apathetically walked back inside the building.

Zim hissed as the restoration serum pumped into his system, “I don’t understand, Dib-stink, you deserve this awful world! Why don’t you take it??! You’re capable of it as the best irken invaders I’ve ever met!!” he said as his antennae fell and he sighed helplessly as the strong warrior of Earth walked out of sight, “I could make you the President of Earth if you let me… You’d be deserving, my Dib” he said frustrated balling his fists at his sides and feeling twice as defeated, ironically by the same man.