#well what am i complaining about these are the best player of the world this year

[dracimexidae]

Jasmine in the draw with Aryna, Elena and Qinwen 💀

[slytherinstories]

SIT DOWN

This is inspired by a TikTok I seen by @blaackaesthetics

Description: Mattheo Riddle is your boyfriend and Theodore Nott his best friend. As much as you love him he doesn’t half get on your nerves with the pair of you always fighting like a cat and dog. In a heavily heated argument Theo tells your boyfriend to get you under control which makes you see red.

18+, Smut

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You, Mattheo and Theo (your boyfriend’s best friend) are currently sitting in the common room. What started as you complaining about his fuckboy ways has turned into a screaming match between you and Theo. Mattheo as usual is caught in between, watching the pair of you with amusement.

The audacity this boy has. You always knew that he was a player and despite your many conversations trying to talk sense into him for the most part you left him to it. That is until he hurt one of your best friends. You warned him, you also warned her but she has always been far too naive. He asked for you to set the pair up, him claiming he won’t do anything to hurt her. For so long you refused until she was practically begging you to. So you have in hoping he doesn’t fuck with her head too much but of course she had to fall for him.

‘Theo I just don’t get how you think you can treat people like that do you not have an ounce of fucking remorse in your body?’

He shrugs his nonchalant attitude grating on you even more ‘she knew what she was getting herself in for.’

‘You never once said it was a one night stand you made out like you liked her back.’

‘Well she read into things I didn’t say any of what she is implying.’

‘You know what girls are like and you still chose to lead her on knowing what would happen.’

He doesn’t even look at you still smoking in his own world unfazed by your complaining. Rage fills you even more how he can act so heartless when you had to sit with your friend whilst she cried for two days straight. You have always been protective when it comes to those you love and he has took it too far. You storm over to were he is sat grab the cigarette out of his hand and put it out on the ash tray ‘fucking listen to me you dick!’

‘What the fuck!’ he shouts standing up and getting in your face ‘don’t ignore me when I am talking to you I told you to not hurt her, are you really that desperate to get your dick wet you had to sleep with the one person I said not to!’ You look him up and down with disgust.

He clenches his jaw rage filling his veins at the way you are speaking to him. No one else dares to and you best believe you are putting him in his place. He gives you a little shove ‘do not talk to me like that, I will do what I want she was the one fucking begging for it.’

You shake your head glaring at him ‘you’re disgusting.’

‘Yeah and little Molly fucking loved…’

‘Argghhh’ you want to punch the smug prick but you opt for your wand instead. You have always been to impulsive and prone to anger so you don’t even have time to think before you are trying to fire a hex his way. Before the words can leave your mouth your wand goes flying out your hand. Mattheo as always keeping a close eye on the situation had said ‘expelliarmus’ without you hearing, damn him and his quidditch reflexes.

‘Fucking control your girl.’ He adds in snidely only making you more angry. ‘Excuse me I don’t fucking need controlling maybe you need to stop being such a filthy manwhore…’ you push him back.

‘All right love that’s enough’ you feel his arms around your waist pulling you back even though you fight him. He pulls you to face him ‘sit down’ he nods head to the couch but you just glare at him. ‘Fine I’ll sit you down’ he plops down onto the couch pulling you onto his lap, his arms around your waist in a death grip.

‘Are you not going to tell him I’m not doing anything wrong.’

Theo looks at you smirking at the fact Mattheo tried to put you in your place ‘Mattheo I’m going to kill him let me go.’

‘Love calm down and you stop antagonising her you prick.’ Theo just gives an innocent smile ‘hey I’m not doing anything was just trying to smoke in peace before I got attacked.’

‘Can you blame me you know it’s the one thing I asked him not to do she’s been heartbroken all week.’

Mattheo nods at you stroking your cheek ‘I know it’s not worth getting angry over you two need to stop arguing.’ He stares deep into your eyes holding you there for a second until you feel yourself relaxing. Your anger dissipates more at his touch and you breathe in getting more comfy on his lap. ‘Good girl’ he says tucking your hair behind your ear.

‘Listen mate did you really have to fuck her out of everyone she did beg you…’

‘I didn’t know she would get so attached you warned her yourself not my fault she is stupid and didn’t listen.’

You try to stand up and charge over to him but you can’t move with your boyfriend’s strength holding you to his chest. Theo just chuckles at this again. He has always known how quick to anger you are and he just loves winding you up. ‘Matt don’t you dare fucking defend him he’s horrible!’

‘Theo’ Mattheo says sternly. He just looks over sighing holding his hands up in defeat not wanting to upset his best friend. ‘All right all right I’m sorry I fucked her can you blame me though I did try and stay away she was practically begging me!’

‘You can apologise to her as well.’

‘No fucking way.’

You look at your boyfriend crossing your arms knowing he will find a way to force Theo to. He just raises his brows at him and Theo huffs ‘For fucks sake, what am I meant to say I’m sorry you like me?’

‘No you say I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way I shouldn’t have led you on and you deserve better anyway because she fucking does I could kill you for making her feel like shit when she deserves the world.’

He sighs ‘listen I could have never gave her what she wanted anyway it was for the best.’

‘Just tell her that then you don’t have to be such a dick about everything and do me a favour and stop going after girls you know will only end up obsessed with you do you need an ego boost that bad?’

He rolls his tongue on the inside of his cheek trying to hold back another snarky comment. ‘Fine where is she.’

‘In her common room the last time I seen her.’

‘You want me to go all the way to the Hufflepuff rooms?’

‘Yes I do I don’t want her upset any longer.’

He bounces his leg up and down for a moment ‘Ugh fine’ he storms off out of your common room to find her and you breathe out a breathe of relief.

Your boyfriend slowly lets go of you ‘your not a safety hazard are you anymore love’ he chuckles and you send a sharp glare his way. ‘Why do you always defend him I’m not the one that needs controlling it’s his mouth!’

‘I know but you are both in the wrong I’ve told you that you need to control your temper and listen to me.’

‘Well he deserved what I was about to do to him.’

‘Yeah and what was that?’

‘Iwasgoingtogivehimpigears.’

‘What was that?’

You sigh ‘I was going to give him pig ears’ you mutter.

His jaw drops but a laugh escapes his lips despite himself ‘you’re fucking crazy.’

‘Well he shouldn’t piss me off.’

‘You can’t just go round hexing people love do you want to get expelled?’

‘Stop trying to tell me what to do I’m sick of him telling you to control me what am I a dog?’

‘Y/N’ he warns you but you stand up storming to your room. You know it’s unfair to direct your anger at him but there’s nothing you hate more than being told what to do. You just need some space to breathe and try to calm down. He gives you a few minutes and you sit biting your nails the worst habit you could have.

He eventually makes his way to your room slowly shutting the door and walking over to where you are sat. He tilts your chin up to him. ‘You done yet?’

Despite you and Mattheo both being the most impulsive, anger prone people you both know exactly how to calm the other down. No matter how much you try to push him away he can always put you in your place, bringing you back down from the choking feeling of rage.

You clench your jaw looking away still being too stubborn. ‘Stop acting like you are on his side.’

‘your my girl and he’s my best friend I’m not siding with either of you I told him he was being a dick but you can’t act like that’

You look back at him and he crouches down between your legs hands running up and down your thighs. ‘Am I the one that done it? No so you can drop your attitude right now and stop taking it out on me.’

You breathe in knowing he is right but you can’t admit defeat just yet. You just cross your arms and he rolls his tongue on the inside of his cheek. ‘You going to make me get rid of that attitude then?’

‘Fucking brat’ he says as you don’t answer pushing you roughly down on the bed ‘when I tell you to sit down and shut up you fucking listen to me.’

You go to give him a snarky retort but he leans over squeezing your neck ‘you think that’s wise?’ Your mouth snaps shut seeing the look in his eyes. ‘Now are you going to be a good girl and stop being a bitch to me.’

‘Yes.’ You grit out. ‘What was that love?’

‘I said yes.’ You say your tone still being bitchy ‘mhmm not good enough you’re still speaking to me like shit apologise.’

Your jaw drops in disbelief ‘me apologise what the fuck Mattheo it was him…!’

‘You are acting like a fucking toddler apologise for not controlling yourself and clearly not doing what I say.’

You cross your arms ignoring him, your stubbornness always being your worst trait. He looks at you darkly ‘suit yourself.’

He rags of your nickers and skirt ‘act tough all you want we both know I’m in control here it’s about time you acted like it.’

Anticipation runs through your body and a dark part of you just loves seeing him like this, you love being put in your place despite all your protests that you hate being told what to do. ‘You’re going to do exactly what I say understand?’

‘Yes’ you breathe out nearly moaning just off his words. ‘I’m going to do exactly what I fucking please with you and you’re going to take it yeah?’ You nod your head at him. ‘This will teach you right for being such a brat.’

He usually teases you, starting off slow taking his sweet time eating you out. However you can tell this isn’t about his own pleasure or yours it’s a punishment. He dives onto your clit straight away biting and sucking harshly. The pressure is too much and you gasp your back arching ‘Matt!’ You try to pull away or pull his head back but he wraps his arms around your thighs holding them in place ‘Shut the fuck up I don’t want to hear another word.’ He mutters still continuing his attack.

Despite how overstimulating it is after a while of pressure building you feel yourself coming close to an orgasm you tangle your hands in his hair riding his tongue as he continues to eat you out. He must sense it as well because just it was about to wash over you he pulls away wiping his mouth. You gasp ‘Matt what the fuck…’

He climbs over grabbing your throat again ‘I thought I said not another word?’

You let out a half whimper half moan and nod your head. ‘Sorry baby I was so close.’ He chuckles darkly ‘I know and it’s your own fault for disobeying me you’re not finishing until I say so.’

You want to cry, you want to go back ten minutes and change your actions just so he can let you finish. ‘Complain one more time and I’ll stop all together.’ He remains hovering over you eyes locked on yours as he slowly pumps one finger in and out of you. It’s torture and you buck your hips needing more. You want to cry and beg him but you know it will only make it worse if you speak so you take his teasing and bite your lip as hard as you can.

He eventually pulls out all together stripping his clothes off until his dick springs out. He spreads your legs wide teasing your entrance. ‘Look how wet you are I bet you love this don’t you being put in your place.’

‘Don’t worry darling there’s going to be no attitude left in you once I’m done.’ He finally puts himself inside you but he has no mercy. Instantly his pounding in and out your cunt. The pain and pleasure is disorienting and your legs instantly try to close. He growls and pulls them open again ‘open your fucking legs’ you do as he says sobbing as he continues slamming his hips into yours ‘that’s a good girl spread them nice and wide for me.’

He was right he is going to do exactly what he wants to you and all you can do is take it. Your body goes limp, you stop fighting and let the intensity of the feeling take over you. This gives him more room to get even closer to you driving deeper then you thought possible. ‘That’s it take my dick.’ You don’t even try to hold back your moans as the pain starts morphing into pleasure.

‘Apologise now.’

You barely hear him lost in a world of your own until he stops causing you to whimper again grabbing him but he just pins your hands above your head. ‘You want to cum?’ You nod your head frantically ‘Apologise.’

‘I’m sorry Matt.’

‘Mhm’ he says starting to drive back into you ‘what for?’

‘For-for’ you moan as he keeps hitting the spot ‘Matt!’ You scream out trying to convey that you aren’t in the position to be listing our apologies.

‘Come on love spit out’ he just chuckles taunting you. ‘I’m sorry for being a brat and not listening!’

‘Who do you belong to?’

‘You’

‘So you are going to listen to me from now on or the punishment will be a lot worse then this I’ve let you off easy.’

You nod your head just wanting to cum. ‘I’ll be good now Matt… I’m getting close.’

‘Go on them baby cum.’ wraps his arms around your waist pulling you closer and slams his hips in and out with a pace you didn’t even think was possible. You are a blabbering mess as you finally finish and tears fill your eyes at you finally being able to release. Matt finishes a couple of minutes later pulling out and you don’t even give him a second before clinging onto him.

‘There’s my girl’ he presses a kiss to your forehead seeing you back relaxed in your usual soft state with him. Who knew it just took him pounding into you to release all that anger.

‘I’m sorry Matt’ you feel tears running down your face being overwhelmed with the emotions running through you. ‘I just get so angry and take it out on you but I love you.’

‘I know baby you took me so well though you were so good.’ He wipes away a few of your tears smiling at you. ‘You have to ignore him though okay and listen to me when I tell you to calm down.’ You nod your head knowing if there is anyone in this earth that has the potential to tame your rage it’s only going to be him.

[jaylver]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — P.JS

SYNOPSIS: Beach parties are supposedly fun and exciting, aren’t they? Wrong. Experiencing college parties is rare for you, but you decided to give this one a go after your best friend’s constant pleas. Things were alright until everything turned sour when trouble found you and eventually you were roped into a fight alongside the campus’ famous hockey playboy. As if that wasn’t enough, the devil himself conjured up an idea that you found yourself being entangled in. It was all fun and games up until confusion arose, feelings being confessed and played, in the end, Jay had to learn how to get the girl, his girl.

PAIRINGS: ice hockey player!jay x afab!reader

GENRE: strangers to frenemies to lovers, fake dating au, college sports au, romance, fluff, angst, secret pining

WARNING(S): drinking, parties, profanities, slight violence, possessive jay, mentions/hints of cheating, miscommunication, slow burn-ish, a pinch of suggestiveness

WC: 21k

AUTHOR NOTES: yes, the title is based on taylor swift's song, the story is lowkey inspired from it hehe! i also included a scene which was inspired from "sleet kitten" so credits to that ;) PLEASE LEAVE A FEEDBACK! it would mean THE WORLD to me <3 hope you enjoy!

part 2 of 'no competition' series | series masterlist | masterlist

© jaylver 2023

“WHY AM I HERE?”

You found yourself asking your best friend, Minji, only after barely ten minutes of setting foot into the party. Look, you didn’t wish to complain, but a beach party basically equaled sand in shoes, which you absolutely hate and despise, yet you were stuck here against your will.

It all started on a random stroll across campus where Minji brought up the night beach party hosted by some rich frat boy, typical. Being the anti-party person you were, you brushed the idea away initially. Hey, staying in bed with a cup of tea was miles better than having sand in your shoes and frat boys trying to get into your pants, yuck. But eventually, you gave into the idea of relaxing and letting go for once after a horrid chemistry test. How you absolutely regretted that choice now.

“You’re here to enjoy yourself,” Minji hissed through her teeth, holding onto your hand as the two of you walked past strangers. “What’s wrong with getting free booze and some hot hunky beach boys?”

“Everything is wrong with that. Their booze sucks and the beach boys hide at night,” you huffed, hugging your body tight as the wind blew across your face, the smell of sea lingered in the air.

“There are still some cute guys here,” Minji kicked at the sand lightly, staring around where people were littered in groups here and there, a small bonfire alighted in the middle of the beach. “The hockey guys are here,” she nodded at the loudest bunch in the area.

You knew a part of them since you did occasionally stop by to watch a few major hockey games, but definitely not well enough to pair their names to their faces. You spotted the captain first and the one with freshly dyed white hair, who you recognized was also his usual partner on ice, then there was the player with a really odd number, 99. Was it Jason, James or Jeremy? All you could remember was him being number 99 and having a J name, not to mention, an interesting reputation to his name.

"They're cute, don't you think so?" Minji nudged you and you shrugged.

"Cute but fuckboys, and I need them to step up during major games too,"

"You should ignore the hockey part about them. It'll hurt less when they lose," Minji's head turned and she pointed to another group. "The footballers are there too. Trust me, they're bigger fuckboys,"

"Oh, I can tell," you spotted many of them already having a girl by their sides, whispering and giggling while they poured each other more drinks. "This is why I'd rather go back to the dorms,"

"Maybe, maybe not. Something entertaining will eventually happen at these types of parties,"

"I feel like you'll jinx it,"

Minji threw her hands up in defence, raising her eyebrows and shrugging. "Don't blame me, blame the system,"

"There's no system," you shot back, suddenly feeling the need to walk away for a moment as the beach slowly overwhelmed you. (you hated the beach, can't you already tell?) "I need to stop by the restroom for a while, look after my drink, will you?"

You were practically racing to the nearby restroom, finally escaping the area and being able to breathe freely without drunk college students bumping into you. The restroom was basically just a single cubicle, so you were squeezed tightly and you felt uncomfortable as each second passed. You were praying to God that you get to leave this place pronto. 

Leaving the cubicle made you feel slightly more grateful about the beach, but upon only a second from exiting, you started hearing shouts coming not far from where you were. At first, you wondered if you’ve reached the point of hallucination, but following a few more grunts and yells, you knew you weren’t. Your body tensed immediately considering it's a distance from the main area. What could even be happening here?

You knew this was how horror movies usually start, but your curious mind just had to wander off further into the abyss and bring your leg along, so you chose the stupidest decision and followed the distant commotion.

'I'm not dying tonight. I'm not dying at a beach. I'm going to be fine' were the affirmations you repeated in your head, though you felt quite the opposite of that.

"Fuck you, are you banging my girl?"

That was when you stopped in your tracks completely, thrown absolutely off guard, eyes widened and lips forming into an 'O'. It wasn't a murder case, but from the way the conversation sounded, it was about to be one.

"I didn't bang your girl, who the fuck are you?" Another voice spat back and you inched closer, hiding behind the other cubicle and you peeked your head out, shocked at the sight before you. 

There was already a small crowd surrounding the commotion, who wouldn't want to miss a free show anyway? But the bigger matter on hand was the centre of attention, the two guys were the campus' well known hockey player and footballer. 

You recognized the footballer at once, remembering the time where Minji practically shoved his Instagram profile into your face. Yoon Keeho. Star player paired along with his amazing features, he was a popular figure who had a popular girlfriend from the dance team, Karina. They were basically every comics' perfect couple.

Then there was the hockey player, your jaw could only hang lower in plain shock. Mr 99, hockey star and infamous playboy, you knew he was trouble, but this kind of trouble? A little unexpected from him.

"Look man, I know people say I fuck around a lot, but I never fucked her!" It was obvious Mr 99 was starting to get heated, but the footballer was relentless in egging him on.

"Oh fuck off man, I know you did it!"

This back and forth had you rolling your eyes, eventually getting bored from the “no I didn't”s and “yes you did”s thrown back and forth, so you slowly crept back, trying your best to avoid tripping over rocks and shells.

'Crack' 

You spoke too soon. Way too soon.

"Hey!"

You took a few cautious steps ahead. Maybe if you just pretend nothing happened and continue walking, it would be fine. Maybe if you walked away, he wouldn't notice—

"Hey!"

You squeezed your eyes shut, contemplating between immediate death or a quick dash away, but neither could be decided when the voice kept on calling after you, ruining your patience completely and you whipped around, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

"Yes?"

Mr 99 stared back at you, a sinister look in his eyes. From the looks of it, he had something evil brewing in that head of his and soon, you were about to be the victim of his dodgy plan.

What came out of his lips next definitely made you wish you were home instead and simultaneously, wishing you had the freedom to strangle him. This fucker—

"That's my girlfriend there, she can vouch for me," you heard him telling Keeho, a smug smile on his face. Girl … friend? Gasps were heard and all eyes were on you in an instance. "Come here, babe, I've been looking for you!"

You blinked, your body absolutely rigid and unmoving as if paralysed. This couldn't be happening, right? Please wake me up from this dream. I'm just hallucinating—

"Babe, come on," your brief dissociation had you completely unaware that Mr 99 was now in front of you, dragging you by your wrist towards the scene of commotion. 

"What are you doing?" You whispered harshly into his ear, making sure it wasn't loud enough for the other couple to realise from a distance away.

"Play along, please, I'll pay you," he pleaded, desperation clear in his voice. Who were you to say no to free cash? Nevertheless, you still hated being the centre of attention, and Mr 99 here was only making matters worse.

"I don't even know you,"

"I'm Jay from literature, so technically now you do. Just help me for a few minutes," he grunted through his gritted teeth, flashing his best version of puppy eyes that failed to execute its purpose. 

“Do you even know my name?” you hissed lowly, glaring pointedly at him. He could only sigh in exasperation. He had the audacity to seem annoyed while you were literally the one who’s getting dragged to her demise. 

“You’re Y/N from English literature. We have the same classes and I’m not a douche for not knowing my classmates, okay?” you were slightly pleased, but not enough to be someone’s fake girlfriend for show. Against your free will, you and Jay were finally standing face to face with the couple. 

"So you're his girlfriend?" Keeho had an eyebrow raised, a sense of accusation and suspicion in his gaze. He was so not buying this.

You glanced at Jay, face twisted in uneasiness, not loving the idea of this, but instead, he shot you an encouraging look which was screaming 'go on, tell him'. "Y–yeah. Girlfriend,"

Keeho was unconvinced and you couldn't blame him, you were doing a shit job at pretending to be someone you weren't. "Where was your boyfriend yesterday at night? Was he out?"

"He—" the words got stuck in your throat and Jay raised his eyebrows at you, mouthing some random words you totally couldn't decipher. "He went out on a date with me,"

"To?"

"Baskin Robbins …?"

Keeho remained unamused, his girlfriend holding onto him snickering silently under her breath, and you, on the other hand, got naturally defensive.

"What's wrong with ice cream? At least my man cared enough to bring me out for ice cream dates instead of letting me cheat on him freely. Just saying,"

"What?"

Now it was Keeho and Jay's turn to stare at you with their jaws hung low. Karina's face gradually grew scarlet, her lips twisted into a snarl. "What do you even know about my relationship? Keep out of my business, you bitch,"

"Hey, who the fuck are you to call her a bitch?" Jay stepped in front of you, an arm shielding you and Karina cowered away. Damn, he was good at this.

"Don't talk to her like that, you fuck," Keeho spat at Jay, daringly pushing Jay on the chest and he stumbled slightly into your arms. 

Jay scoffed, brushing his front and adjusted his shirt, shaking his head a little. "You're such a dick, Yoon Keeho. You're the prime example why I hate footballers,"

"And you hockey players are the reason why you're dragging the school's name to the ground,"

"Save the talk, we literally won the playoffs while you and your team could barely crawl to the top—"

You gasped, and so did everyone else watching. Keeho had thrown a hard punch across Jay's pretty face, which meant Jay's aggravation unfortunately worked a little too well on the footballer. 

To your surprise, Jay took the hit better than you'd expected. He did seem taken aback at the start, but then he started laughing instead. Was he secretly psychotic?

You would be lying if you said you weren't shell shocked initially, but after a moment of recovery, you peeked over his shoulder, staring at his face for any obvious bleeding or bruising, unaware of how close your face was to his.

"You okay, big man?"

"Took it like a champ," he muttered back, a smirk pulled at his lips, seeming as though nothing had even happened. "Permission for me to punch him back, girlfriend?"

"He's all yours. Go beat his ass, boyfriend,"

Jay shrugged nonchalantly, rubbing the side of his face roughly and in a flash, he threw a punch back at Keeho and panicked whispers broke out in the crowd.

"Look man, this is a misunderstanding, I totally didn't fuck your girlfriend," Jay panted, his eyes narrowing at Karina. 

"Don't look at me like that," she snapped back, but her voice wavered, giving away the fact that she was obviously hiding something and was intimidated by the way Jay could see right through her.

"Oh come on, fess up, I'm pretty sure I saw you with Yeonjun," 

Karina stilled, her eyes beginning to twitch. Bingo. You didn’t sit through a boring psychology talk once for nothing.

"You don't know shit about me,"

"Okay, say that to Yeonjun the next time he finds you," 

Maybe you did regret having too big of a mouth. You just had to blabber on and agitate the mean girl and now you were reenacting a scene from one of your favourite high school rom coms. 

Before you could even register what's happening, you felt a sharp tug at your hair and pain washed over your whole head. Getting bald wasn't the thing you wished for upon reaching here. You screamed on instinct, reaching over to grab Karina's hair in defence, invoking a loud cry from her.

Jay and Keeho were left stunned at the turn of events. Hell, you were stunned at the attack yourself. Who would've thought you would be sacrificing strands of hair to Miss Dancer? They eventually came to their senses (thank heavens) and tried to pull you and Karina off of each other. It was strenuous work just trying to break you two apart, your hand was unwilling to let go and neither were hers.

She might’ve been a dancer, but you’ve experienced more fights than this. Jay managed to rip you off of Karina and you were left dishevelled, heaving heavily, Jay's hands wrapped around your chest from the back.

"Calm down. Breathe. You're so close to ripping all her hair out," he whispered into your ear, his breath fanning your ears. If you weren't so out of breath and adrenaline spiked, you would be weak in the knees by now. 

"Good. She was the one who laid her hands on me first," you spat, glaring straight at her and she did the same, hair and attire equally as messy as yours. 

"Look man," Jay called out to Keeho, grabbing his attention away from his murderous girlfriend. "I might fuck around a lot, but I swear I didn't touch your girl. I never stoop that low and you know it. Go ask her for the truth yourself, I'm leaving now,"

Jay got ahold of your hand and pulled you away from the wandering eyes and lingering attention. You almost got a whiplash, unable to even yourself completely together and digest what even went on before he dragged you towards the main area. 

"Woah, woah, wait," you yanked your arm away, stopping abruptly which made Jay turn around, a questioning look on his face. Why is he looking at me like that? You thought as you crossed your arms.

"Look, you might've saved my ass from Miss Crazy over there, but the part where you dragged me in your stupid drama, so not cool," 

"I know, I'm sorry, okay? You were just coincidentally … there,"

"Wow," you exclaimed in disbelief, face scrunched in slight distaste. "Girlfriend, huh … I hate to burst your bubble but there were people there and if—" you poked at his chest and he stared at you, a slight smirk on his lips, "—people actually believe we're dating, I'll beat you up,"

"What's so wrong about me?" He whistled, leaning down to meet your challenging gaze, a sarcastic grin wide on that devilish face of his. Maybe if he wasn't this annoying, you would've found him pants-dropping hot.

"I hate you," you continued your journey back, brushing past him and he could only let out a laugh at your words.

"Oh, come on," he caught your wrist and pulled you to him, making you land on his chest with a soft thud. If only someone could take a picture of this, it would be something straight out of a 2000s classic romcom.

"You're ridiculous, let go," you tried to get your hand out of his, but he persisted in holding onto you. 

Pushing and pulling was something you hated. Whether it was in relationships or just whatever this was, you wished it was gone, because in the next second of tug of war, one of you decided to lose balance and fall to ground.

To your biggest nightmare and headache, you ended up lying on top of Mr 99, Jay, the devil in disguise. The beach was already a nightmare for you, but a fucking man under you? You wished you could disappear now.

"Do you always like this position?" 

"If only I could choke you to death in it, then sure,"

"Kinky. You're really romantic,"

"I know," you gritted out, finally mustering all your energy to push yourself up and away from Jay, almost losing your balance in the process. You definitely wouldn't want to fall on him again.

You dusted sand off of your shorts, peeking slightly at Jay, who remained on the ground, his hands behind his head to support him as his stare remained on you, a small smile on his face. You truly wondered what was running through that head of his. Knowing him, it was probably nothing good.

“Do you think we’ll meet again after this?”

You scoffed, a frown etched on your features. “You’re acting like I’m cinderella. I’m on the campus,”

“I mean, we both might be on campus, but that doesn’t mean we’ll cross path,”

“It sounds like you’re trying to propose something—” Jay opened his mouth to respond, but you continued off, not letting him interrupt, “—whatever it is, it’s a ‘no’ from me, okay?”

“Alright, rude,” Jay pushed his body up from the sands, sitting cross legged paired with an offended look. “I’m not trying to propose anything. What’s that dirty mind of yours thinking? I was simply wondering,”

You squinted at him, doubt in your gaze and your face scrunched, humming softly. “Let’s leave our next meeting to fate again. I’m afraid if I keep seeing you I might—”

“Fall in love?”

“Explode. Close enough,” you grimaced, shaking the sand off your shoes. "Look, I'm leaving now. Good luck on not getting beat up again," you turned to leave, but halting once Jay spoke again.

"Will I be seeing you at my matches?"

You pondered for a second, then shrugged. "Depends. I'm not a big hockey fan, but who knows?"

You heard a small chuckle from Jay, rolling your eyes a little. "Fine by me. Let's see how fate sets us up then, Y/N."

You wished fate didn't set you and him up. You wished fate would never ever do so. You didn’t wait for another minute and quickly dashed away, finding your way back to the main area that (thankfully) wasn’t far from where you were. It seemed that the fight didn’t reach the main area where everyone was from the way they were all dancing and drinking like normal.

“Where were you?” Minji pulled you close to her once you had managed to locate her amongst the bunch, concern laced in her voice. “And what the fuck happened to you? Why’s your hair messed up? Wait—” the worry in her gaze soon turned into suspicion. “You didn’t have a secret hookup right?”

“What? No!” you shrieked, glancing around in slight embarrassment at your voice rising unintentionally. Just thinking about what had happened just now gave you a first degree burn of embarrassment, it was going to be your first and last experience, never again. “I … got into a fight,”

“You what?”

“Listen,” you placed a hand on Minji’s shoulder, trying to calm her down while inching closer and making sure to keep your voice down. “I stumbled upon a messy couple related drama and somehow I got roped into it. It’s all Jong Seong’s fault, okay?”

“Jay? What did he do?”

“Accused of fucking Keeho’s girl. It would be funny to witness the whole thing without being apart of it, honestly,”

“I need more context,”

“He called me his girlfriend so that I could vouch for him and I said something bad to Keeho’s girlfriend so we … kinda got into a tussle,”

Minji was stunned to say the least, but there was still a hint of amusement from the way she smiled.  “I won’t directly say she deserves it, but she does,” she let out a small laugh and you two shared a look before bursting out laughing, having to hold your chest from the random jokes she threw in between.

“So, time for us to leave?”

“Fucking finally, I was waiting for you to say this,”

“No girls trips to the beach in the future, huh?”

“Nope.” you mumbled, letting Minji wrap an arm around your waist as the both of you start making your way to Minji’s car. You strangely felt a pair of wandering eyes pinpointed on you and you turned your head slightly to the right, meeting Jay’s playful gaze among his group of hockey guys. It was barely a second before you were dragged away anyway, leaving you minimal chances to process anything.

Park Jong Seong, please don’t ever drag me into your schemes ever again. Fuck it, let’s never cross paths again.

IT SEEMS THAT FATE HAS PLAYED ITS ROLE ONCE MORE IN TORTURING YOU.

In what way was ‘never getting involved with Park Jong Seong’ so hard to understand, huh, fate? You found yourself having an angry internal monologue on the way back to your dorms, your coffee threatening to spill out of the cup with the aggressiveness in your walk. It all started out like this: you just got your donut for the morning, walking to lecture with your earphones blasting your favourite music, what could possibly go wrong? Everything.

You were just walking as per usual, until a girl tapped you from the back, and like every normal person does, you stopped and turned around, a confused look on your face. Who’s this? You wondered. That’s the last thought you could form before everything started crumbling eventually.

First, she asked whether you were dating Jay. Eye roll. You knew this was bound to happen. So, you said ‘no’, which was a reasonable answer since you were, in fact, not dating him. But the girl thought otherwise. You turned to leave, halfway to shoving back your earphones in when she grabbed hold of your wrist. Woah. 

“I know you’re dating him, everyone do after he made y’all official during that party,”

“Okay…?” it was no use trying to fight back with her persistence, so you just went along with it, not knowing what you were even getting into.

“You do know he fucked me before right—?” TMI much. “Can you tell him to come over and get his stuff? It feels wrong having a man’s stuff around knowing he’s in a relationship,”

“Oh,” was all you could muster out. This whirlwind of information being smacked into your face at 10 in the morning was something you hadn’t expected. “You can tell him that yourself. I’m … busy. I have to go,”

Like any sane person would, you dashed away, possibly leaving the girl in a confused daze but you couldn’t care less, pulling out your phone to angrily type Jay’s Instagram handle and sending him an annoyed text message.

you: a girl just told me she fucked you and she felt it was wrong that you left your stuff while you’re ‘dating’ me. can you please sort this out? istg i’ve been asked too many times whether i’m dating you today fr

Not even after a minute of sending that, Jay replied back at once. 

jaypjs: how did you know what my Insta profile is?

You rolled your eyes, your fingers working hard but careful to not accidentally break your screen with the vigour you had whilst typing.

you: is that so important right now? can you at least answer my question?

jaypjs: just ignore it, it’ll pass soon, i swear. ttyl i have practice ;) 

Jerk. 

As much as Jay had asked you to ignore it, it seemed to have backfired instead. At the library, cafeteria, girl’s restroom, you were bombarded with the same question over and over again. ‘Are you dating Jay?’ You swore if you had a dollar everytime someone had asked you this question, you would’ve been a billionaire by now.

Evening soon fell upon the campus grounds, students were rushing around to find a place for dinner, but the hockey team were still remained in training, and being you, you just had to impulsively barge into the arena, practically rushing down the stairs to the glass panes, spotting your target at first glance. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t find him mesmerizingly attractive in that split moment. He reminded you of someone that had just appeared straight out of a scene from ‘Top Gun’, except on ice. He had his helmet in his hand, his hair wet with sweat, his eyes trained on his coach as he lectured the team on that and this.

You thought your staring had gone unnoticed, but that’s when one of his teammates pointed at you, his gaze turning to you now, a hint of curiosity and surprise in his face. If only he knew you were actually there to murder him.

“Y/N?” You heard his muffled voice through the glass as he skated towards you right after his coach had dismissed them, inching closer and closer until there was barely any distance, only a singular glass pane separating you two apart.

“Jay,” you started, pushing down whatever volcano that was close to bursting inside you right now. 

“Did my girlfriend miss me so much until she decided to give me a surprise visit?”

“If I hear that word one more time today, I think I might jump down the nearest building,” you snapped, poking a finger on the glass threateningly. “Look, I’m here because we need to talk—why does this sound like an actual couple conversation—whatever, just get your ass out here immediately,”

“Fine, fine,” Jay threw his hands up in defeat, sensing the seriousness in your voice, you did not come to play. “I’ll be out in a second,”

He disappeared out of sight, and to your dismay, that left his teammates a great opportunity to approach you. Just your luck, huh?

“You’re dating Jay?” the captain, Heeseung, shouted over at you, waving his hockey stick in the air in an attempt to grab your attention.

“It’s complicated,”

“Friends with benefits?” the one with a head of freshly dyed white hair, Sunghoon, chimed in. You recognized the both of them from the party, what are the odds?

“Non-physical type of complicated,”

“That does sound complicated,” Heeseung hummed, practising passes with Sunghoon. “Played with your feelings?”

“I don’t know if I can count it as that…yet,”

Heeseung and Sunghoon shared a brief glance at one another. “Jay might be a playboy, we all know that, but he’s a softie at heart. Hear him out, he might not look like it, but he’s the best at talking,”

“That’s why he’s so good at picking up girls—” Heeseung slapped Sunghoon’s head, giving you a small reassuring smile while the other winced in pain, not appreciating that one bit.

“I’ll hear him out, don’t worry,” you said rather begrudgingly, sitting down on one of the empty seats now, rubbing your hands for warmth as you awkwardly waited for Jay.

“Stop pestering her already, damn,” Jay’s footsteps were heard thumping down the stairs in the empty arena. “Go wash up,” he slid into the seat next to you, now in clean clothes, a towel hung around his neck, his hair wet and messy, his shirt hugging his body and biceps tight. Lord, give me strength.

“Hey! I’m the captain!” Heeseung shouted, but abided, pushing Sunghoon along and out of the rink, leaving you two to yourselves in the ambiance.

“So, what did you want to … talk about?” Jay stared at you expectantly.

“Us? I suppose, if there’s even an ‘us’ in the first place,” you gestured between you and him. “It’s just everyone’s thinking we’re together and all your past fuck buddies are up my ass for it. So—” you tried to put on the nicest smile you could muster. “—could you please, somehow spread it around that we’re not together?”

“But what if I don’t want to?”

“Jong Seong!”

“Government name and all, it’s serious,” he murmured under his breath, suddenly seeming anxious. “You’re going to kill me for this—”

“As if I’m not going to already,”

“Let me finish,” he pressed a hand on his forehead, running it further back into his hair and he let out a distress sigh. “I know you’re going to hate this but I need your favour in this. I have this hockey event next Saturday, a charity event, and I need a plus one,”

“You’re asking me out on a date basically?”

“Kinda? But not really—this is so stupid—but this event will be after a home match, so our opponents and many others from different schools will be a part of this event. The thing is…our opponent, one of their players, is dating my ex,”

“And?” you raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue on, his cheeks gradually turning red in embarrassment.

“They’ll be there together, and I was hoping—since we’re already in this mess—to bring you as my plus one, to try and prove to her I’m way better off without her,”

“You’re kidding,” you breathed out in disbelief. “Give me one reason why you need to prove to this girl about you being happy and taken,”

“She cheated on me multiple times while we were dating…the guy was one of them and they’re still together surprisingly,”

“Damn, I’m sorry about that,” you swallowed, a little taken aback from the fact that the infamous fuckboy had his heart broken in the past. Maybe that was the starting point of his fuckboy journey. Gosh, everything felt so cliche, you thought you were in a web series by now. “So…you want me to fake date you?”

“Why are you saying it as if the idea of dating me is an offence?”

“Jay, this isn’t some 2000s romcom, for fuck’s sake,” you snapped, your frown deepened and your blood pressure heightened. You swear you might actually explode soon.

“I’m aware,” Jay sighed, a small whine in his voice. He did seem desperate, and you wondered why out of a hundred girls that were practically lining up for this man, you just had to be the one that had to be a part of this mess with him. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Worst of all, you were about to agree to something as dumb as this. “Help me out this once?”

“And what will I get from this?” you crossed your arms, hesitatingly giving in slowly and gradually.

“You like Juyeon don’t you?” Jay questioned all of a sudden, his features remained stoic and serious as he watched you experiencing another whiplash, cheeks turning into a shade of light pink at his bombarding question.

“W–where did you get that information from?” you demanded, completely thrown off. Look, you did say you liked him a little from his sweet smile to his nice style, and not to mention, his athletic side, but it was to Minji, not Jay. How in hell could he have this information?

“I’m not wrong am I?”

“Am I being blackmailed?” you gasped and Jay rolled his eyes, leaning further back into his seat. He wasn’t making this easier by looking good. “I don’t like like him in that type of way, I just think he’s kinda cute,”

“So, you’re interested,”

“You could put it that way, I guess?”

“How about I help you make him jealous,” 

You choked out a laugh, Jay surely succeeded in always surprisingly you with the way his mind turned. “Dude, I literally only know him from that one Chemistry class, and we were partners once. We barely talk now except some greetings,”

“That’s better than nothing,” he mumbled, his lips pressed in a flat line. “Hey, I know him more, okay? He goes to parties and so do I, I can help you get closer to him,” Jay raised his eyebrows, as if trying to convince you that was the smartest plan ever.

“You’re an idiot,”

“I don’t hear a ‘no’,” 

“Don’t push your luck,” you poked his forehead gently, letting out a deep sigh as you contemplated for a second. Future you was going to kill the present you. “Fine. But honestly, I don’t care about Juyeon,”

“I’ll try my best to repay you either way,” Jay beamed, his whole demeanour changing entirely compared to the nervous and shaking version from earlier. “So, what ground rules should we set to make it at least quite convincing?”

“No kissing, unless we are pressured into one,”

“You’re not completely objecting the idea of kissing me,”

“Believe me, I’d rather have virgin lips than kiss you,”

“Ouch,” Jay held onto his chest, feigning hurt. “Wanna try practising?”

“You have other girls to practise on anyway, no thank you,”

“But you’re my only girl now,” he shrugged, staring down at his fingers and avoiding your stare. Was he shy? You would be lying if you said he didn’t make your heart flutter slightly with his words, but you forced yourself to push those thoughts down, denying them instantly.

"Shush," you rolled your eyes, the man opposite you snickering instead. "Maybe a soft launch might work,"

"I literally called you my girlfriend in the middle of a fight, I don't think that's any part of a soft launch,"

"You're right, we've already skipped that part," you tapped at your chin, pondering thoughtfully before Jay interjected.

"You have to come to my matches,"

"Every one of them? I don't watch hockey much,"

"Just be there for show, most of the teammates' girlfriends are there and trust me, they don't care much either," he glanced over at the rink for a brief moment, then turned back to meet your eyes. "You'll fall in love with me the moment you watch me play,"

"Alright, hotshot. When's the next match?"

“This Friday,” he winked, resting an arm on the seat and casually leaning a little closer. “But before that, wanna come to a party? It’s pretty much a ‘pregame party’, that’s what they call it, but I’m sure it’s a lame excuse to just have a party in general for every week. I can pick you up though, we'll get to have our second hard launch,”

“You’re lucky I’m not feeling murderous anymore,” you snapped back, still in disbelief at yourself that you actually agreed to all this. “Pick me up at 7,” you mumbled begrudgingly, watching a smile stretched on Jay’s face.

“Say less.”

“YOU’RE DATING WHO—”

Spilling the tea to Minji on a random Wednesday morning was a chaotic decision. You couldn't help yourself from letting loose all of the information that was bottled up internally. She took everything in rather calmly and fairly, that was until Jay's name was mentioned.

It was just a day before the party, and you couldn't lie, you're starting to panic. What if you didn't know anyone there? What if you're under dressed? What if you're overdressed? What ifs stormed your mind, you were a natural overthinker after all.

"Fake dating," you corrected, cringing once the words left your mouth and you realised how ridiculous it sounded.

“I didn’t know you liked Wattpad cliches so much,”

"Shut up," you muttered half-heartedly, pursing your lips slightly. "Do you think I'll regret this?"

"Will you end up falling for him?" Minji shot back and you hadn't expected that. 

"God forbid," you chuckled, though rather nervously. Chances were low at the moment, but it wasn't completely impossible, and that was the problem. 

“This won’t be like those movies where they pretend to date and actually end up falling in love,” you laughed, trying to play off the hidden horror you had.

"This will come back and bite your ass," Minji said simply, not noticing your wide eyes and panicked gaze.

"Don't jinx it, hello!" 

"My bad," Minji shrugged nonchalantly. “How did he even convince a non party goer like you to attend one?”

“He wants to ‘hard launch’ us for a second time,”

“Cute?” Minji mused, nudging you softly, wiggling her eyebrows. "Any outfits planned?" 

"Nope," you regretted saying this because in the next second, you noticed a menacing grin on Minji's face. If there's one thing you know about her, it's that she loves dress ups, and you were about to be her next model.

Minji dragged you back to your dorm, pushing you onto the bed and ripping your closet doors open, rummaging through intensely.

"This won't do," you heard her mumble quietly before pulling out a mini skirt and a simple crop top. "Bingo,"

"You can't be serious," 

Turns out, she was. Both of the pieces have yet to be worn in a long time, so you didn’t know how it would fit you, leading up to the moment when you tried it on, you instantly felt your head pound. The skirt was God forbiddingly short, the crop top hugging tight against your body. The entirety might've looked plain, but it was a slutty plain.

You were already running late, panic and stress in your system giving you slight adrenaline as you finished up some last touches on your makeup. If Minji wasn't out for a dinner date, you would've been strangling her for the outfit and for the untimely lack of support. 

“You took quite a while in there,” Jay said the moment you entered his luxurious sleek black Mercedes. You knew he was loaded, everyone did actually, but it still managed to shock you somehow.

“I was giving myself a pep talk to not try and run away from this party,” you flashed him a sarcastic smile. 

“Haha,” Jay replied flatly, unamused. “It’ll be an easy party, don’t worry, you won’t get mauled. I’ll just introduce you around and then you go have some drinks, soon we’ll be back before you know it,”

“You’re not drinking right?”

“You think I’d like to be charged with a DUI?”

“Have you ever thought about that when you drive multiple girls home after parties?”

“It’s not nice to slut shame,”

“Whatever you say.”

The car ride to the house was quick and loud. It was calming when you and Jay were vibing to some music along the way up until the two of you started fighting over who was the best rapper in the industry, that eventually led to debating which genre is the greatest. The debate continued on even after entering the threshold, but nervousness washed over you once you were met with unfamiliar faces. 

“Pop is not even considered in this deb—”

“Jay, hold my hand,”

“What—”

“Hold my hand,” you repeated firmly, and he listened despite being in a daze, intertwining his hand in yours, instinctively pulling you closer. “We have to make this convincing, remember?”

“Right,” he squeezed your hand lightly, unknowingly giving you a hint of reassurance. “Stick by me, some of the people here are not the best,”

“Thanks, I can’t wait to get out of here,”

Jay only rolled his eyes at your words, a slight grin tugged at his lips. He held onto your hand tightly, pulling you further into the crowded house, occasionally turning his head back to check on you. “There, my hockey boys,” he nodded towards a small group by a small makeshift bar, instantly recognizing them from that day at the rink.

“What if I told you now that I have social anxiety,” you whispered into his ears, trying to give him your best pleading eyes. 

“It’ll be a little too late now,” he returned a knowing stare, clearly unfazed by your tricks. Smart bastard. “Come on, you’ve already met them anyway,”

“Y/N!” Heeseung was the one who spotted you first, waving his hand enthusiastically, Sunghoon following suit. You returned a small wave, but you tensed, feeling Jay removing his hand from yours, sneaking onto your waist instead. You were not strong enough for this, you were a woman with desires at the end of the day.

“Hey,” Jay greeted them, resting his hand on your hip, your hand unconsciously travelling to his back, his smirk at your touch going unnoticed.

“So, Y/N, is he still in ‘complicated’ status?” Sunghoon brought up, eliciting a small laugh from Heeseung, meanwhile Jay was equally confused and unimpressed at his teammates’ unseriousness.

“Don’t worry, he has upgraded,” you prodded him, passing a pleased smile to the other two.

“Will we be seeing you at our games?”

“Maybe,” you said vaguely, feeling Jay’s hand leaving your hips and sneaking lower towards the hem of your skirt and slowly pulling at it. You turned your head, meeting his eyes and at that moment, you felt something you denied over the last week. You were weak, you were definitely not God’s strongest soldier. It was bare minimum, but you still appreciated the little things. 

“Let’s go walk around,” Jay suggested, leaning close to you, his face only inches away from yours, his hand squeezing your hip gently. Who knew he was this good at acting?

“Don’t be too protective over her, Jay boy!” Sunghoon called out as he dragged you away from his friends, earning a soft laugh from you and grudging mumbles from him. 

“They tend to be quite a handful sometimes, sorry about that,” Jay said apologetically, leading you to a room full of people playing beer pong and some other drinking games. 

“Don’t worry about it, they seem fine,” you brushed him off, pressing yourself closer to his side in caution as your eyes scanned the whole room. “They don’t look like they believe the fact that you’re actually ‘dating’ someone though,”

“They once said they would be married by the time I found someone,” he scoffed, pulling you into an unoccupied coach. “Which isn’t true,” he continued, placing a pillow on your exposed thighs. “I just haven’t found the one, or just not yet. Maybe I already did and I just didn��t know, ”

“Take it easy, loverboy,” you softly punched his shoulder, making him grin a little. He was cute, you couldn’t lie about that, but your heart continued to. “You’re still young, you should be worrying about it only if you’re 35 and single,”

“You’re right,” he nodded solemnly, his attention averted away. "It's Juyeon," 

At that moment, Juyeon walked into the room, greeting some of his friends and welcoming hugs from them, the atmosphere in the room became noisier. Your gaze followed his figure, blinking quicker than usual as you suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of alarm.

"Don't drool," Jay clicked his tongue, his eyes turning fierce. What's up with this guy now?

"I'm not," you gritted out, your heart dropping slightly at the sight of Juyeon interacting with other girls. You were lying when you said you didn't care, maybe you did.

"I don't get why you like him anyway, he's a jock, a football jock," he said the last part in distaste, making it seem as though footballers were the worst on earth.

"It's called being interested, dumbass. Having someone to admire makes college life fun," you fought back, caving into Jay's touch when he draped his arm over your waist. You shouldn't be liking this skinship. You mustn't.

"He's coming over, he spotted us," Jay mumbled, flashing his smile at Juyeon's approaching figure. "Act natural,"

"Thanks for the advice," you gritted out dryly, shifting around uncomfortably.

"Yo Jay," Juyeon called out to Jay, dabbing your supposed boyfriend up, a friendly smile on his face that blinded your vision and made your heart eyes appear. Fuck.

"Sup," Jay greeted back, breathing out a quiet laugh. “Oh, this is—”

“Y/N,” Juyeon finished Jay’s sentence at once, his gaze shifted onto you now, causing you to shy under his stare. “Partner from Chemistry?”

“That’s me,” you beamed at him, clapping your hands together, absentmindedly leaning further into Jay’s hold. 

“I don’t normally see you at these type of parties,”

“Not a big party person,” you scratched the back of your neck, the feeling of awkwardness creeping up on you. You were never the best at meeting new people, though Juyeon wasn’t exactly a total stranger, but he wasn’t someone you were close to either. 

“Right,” he paused for a moment, peering back and forth between you and Jay, a slight raise of his eyebrow. “So what brings the two of you here? You’re Jay’s date for the night?”

“She’s Jay’s girlfriend, actually,” the man himself spoke beside you, his hand on your waist pulling you closer to his side, a tight smile on his face. "My girlfriend,"

You could feel heat crawling up the back of your neck, choosing to avert your attention away and see what Juyeon’s reaction was. Turns out he was grinning, he was fucking grinning? 

“Jay with a girlfriend? For real?”

Jay let out a scoff, seemingly offended by everyone’s surprise. Hell, if you didn’t know him and found out he had a girlfriend, you’ll be surprised too. “Yes, dickhead, surprise,” he grumbled, earning a chuckle from the footballer, who clearly loved irking Jay.

“Chill, good for you, man. About time,” he lightly slapped Jay’s shoulder and you sat quietly, not knowing what to say either. You really wanted to leave. “I’ll be at tomorrow’s match, see you,”

“Yeah, yeah, bye,” Jay bid a half-assed goodbye to Juyeon while you just waved at him instead, a tight lipped smile on your face. Once he was out of the picture, your head whipped to stare at the hockey player next to you, an impatient plea to leave this party written all over your features.

“Fine,” he sighed, letting you slip your hand in his. “How was all that?” he asked coolly, but you noticed a hint of displeasure in his tone, yet you waved it off again.

“I don’t know, he’s … okay, I guess,” you shrugged, truly confused about your current feelings. The thought of Jay stormed your mind. Juyeon? That’s the last J name of your concerns right now. But will you ever admit out loud that you were thinking about Jay, the man who constantly gives you headaches? Fuck no.

“Just ‘okay’?”

You hummed in response, sensing that he was a little bit more at ease after hearing your answer. He was easy to read, too easy.

“Does that make me better than him?”

“Woah, don’t get too ahead of yourself, Park,”

“Don’t hurt my ego like that,”

“Am not,”

“Come on, say I’m better, hotter and funnier than him,” he egged on, inching closer to you, a teasing grin stretched on that stupid face of his. 

“Zipping my mouth shut,” you gestured at your lips, deadpanning at him.

“You’re too afraid to admit it,”

“Whatever you say, big head,” you bumped his shoulder and he stumbled a little, narrowing his eyes at you, a challenging smirk plastered on his face. Oh no.

In the next minute, Jay swept you off your feet and threw you over his shoulder. You let out a sharp yelp, unable to process everything at once, hearing Jay’s playful laugh fill the streets in the quietness of the night. 

“You’re so dead,” you seethed, hitting his back with your utmost might, but he only cackled in response.

“Whatever you say, pea brain,” Jay mocked, earning him another hard punch on his back and this time, it actually made him wince. Choosing the safest route for himself, he kept his mouth shut.

Thus, you had no choice but to give into hanging over a hockey boy’s shoulder as the two of you ventured into the night in search of his car, not realising the mess you’ll be facing soon.

IT’S OFFICIAL. YOU'VE REACHED THE STAGE OF REGRET.

It was the next day, hockey game day, you turned up at the arena and copped a good seat. You might be wondering, ‘what’s so bad about a hockey game to the point you start regretting everything’, well if you could trade places with anybody in the world right now, you would, and that said a lot. 

Jay had greeted you for barely five minutes before the game, rushing away immediately once he saw the time, giving you an apologetic hug that almost had you convinced this was real. What he hadn’t prepared you earlier, was the fact that there was a fucking kiss cam. One look at the jumbotron and you knew you were doomed.

‘KISS CAM’ was written clearly on the screen, the music in the arena was drowned out completely and you felt your heart drop. It might’ve seemed overdramatic for you to react like this, but in reality, kissing a stranger was terrifying. Your first kiss was already a nightmare, let alone kissing someone you don’t know, what would make it better?

“Nothing will happen,” you assured yourself over and over again, unaware that somebody had just slipped in the seat beside you.

“Hey,” 

You flinched, brought out of your daze and you met Juyeon’s eyes. Good-fucking-bye to the world right now. His smile distracted you, having you muted and malfunctioning. Cool. This was cool. You’re cool. 

“Hi,” you gave him a small smile that turned out more awkward than you thought. 

“Supporting Jay today?” he nodded at the rink where the team was currently practising, your eyes wandering over to Jay’s figure.

“Him and the team. School spirit, you know?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I heard about the kiss cam—” he pointed towards the screen and you wanted to close your eyes instead, but basic courtesy mattered. “—apparently for raising funds,”

Raising funds through a kiss cam? What was this? ‘The Kissing Booth: hockey edition’?

“That’s … interesting,” you uttered, nervousness laced in your voice. 

You were saved from the awkward tension just as the game started, secretly wishing you had Minji with you instead of a mouth watering football player next to you. The game was intense, effectively grabbing your attention away from your surroundings, but the flash of the kiss cam starting its quest on finding couples was distracting.

As the game progressed, you grew confident that your mind was just playing games in making you anxious and nothing would happen. Your mind eased as you joined in the cheering when the home team finally scored a goal, watching the team celebrate had you grinning, staring down at a specific number 99. 

The high soon died down and you chose to glance up at the jumbotron, the kiss cam focused on a cute couple who were weirdly making out instead of just simply kissing. PDA, yucks. It then swiftly moved on to another pair, thankfully. They were probably strangers, but being good sports, they shared a quick peck, earning some ‘awh’s from the crowd. Another change, your eyebrows furrowed, a frown tugged at your lips, was that—

It was. Your nightmare has come. For a moment you wondered if you were hallucinating, but a couple of beats later, you came to the realisation you were not. The kiss cam was focused on you and … Juyeon. When you said you were interested in him, you didn’t mean this, nope not at all. 

Embarrassingly and reluctantly, you avoided the footballer’s gaze and shook your head, feeling tripped out as you stared at your own self on the screen, catching some disappointed groans from a few people. “I have a boyfriend,” you mouthed, trying your best to seem apologetic, but Juyeon didn’t look like he wanted to back down.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” he murmured, attempting to seem as lowkey as possible. 

“I have a boyfriend, sorry,” you pressed your lips into a flat line, not enjoying this for a bit. The kiss cam swerved away to pinpoint another pair, but Juyeon was persistent.

“Come on, don’t pretend you don’t want to kiss me,”

You glared at him, your features turning sour, in disbelief at what you’ve just heard. Was he serious? “Excuse me?”

“Forget about Jay, I know how you were looking at me that night,” he whistled lowly under his breath and you scoffed, but you were caught off guard almost immediately when you saw the kiss cam lighting up in the corner of your eyes, and it zoomed into your face again. FML.

“He’ll never know,” he arched an eyebrow, welcoming the idea hugely. Scumbag. 

“I don’t stoop that low you fuck—”

Before you could jump Juyeon and curse him out, a loud crash startled you and everyone around. You jumped in your seat, your head turned towards the direction of the noise. Jay was in front of you, his fist against the glass, helmet in hand. If looks could kill, you would’ve been dead. 

Wet strands of hair stuck onto his forehead, his eyes narrowed into a death stare as it trained on Juyeon. “Fuck off,” he yelled through the glass barrier, his fist clenched. “Back off,”

The blood in Juyeon’s face was completely drained, obvious embarrassment and shame washed over him, but knowing him and his ego, he played it off, pretending as if that didn’t happen. “Whatever,” he got up from his seat and stormed off. Deserved.

You hid the small smile forming on your face, your sights redirecting towards Jay, your heart beating wildly against your chest the moment you met his eyes, softening when he mouth ‘you okay’. You nodded back at him and you could tell he instantly loosened up, returning a half smile before turning away and joining the team.

Moral of the story: don’t fall for playboys, which sounded pretty ironic considering the situation you were currently in.

The game had thankfully ended in a win for the home team, and honestly, that whole experience seemed to be years instead of just a few hours. Never again. You were glad to see Jay and everyone else cheerfully exiting the rink, taking that as the cue for you to chase after him. 

Upon arriving outside the locker room, you found yourself standing awkwardly as you waited for him to appear, greeting his friends half-heartedly when they were on the way out. Your patience was thinning and only until then, he only decided to appear, a little shocked that you were there.

“Congrats on the win,” you joined his side and walked together, letting his shoulder brush against yours softly.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, a lollipop in his mouth. You didn’t enjoy this questionable tension between the two of you, noticing his rigidness. 

“Hey!” You cut to the chase, snatching the lollipop from his lips, finally getting his attention as he turned to stare at you with wide eyes. “What was that for?” 

“Nothing,” he shrugged it off, and you didn't understand why, you could tell he was blatantly lying.

“You're acting really weird,” you narrowed your eyes at him in accusation.

“Am I?”

“Ask yourself that,” you huffed, instinctively putting the lollipop into your mouth, not bothering to care anymore. “Anyway, I think mission Juyeon is officially cancelled, he gives me the ick, didn't know he was such a big douchebag,”

“Told you so,” he shrugged, his gaze wavering from your lips to your eyes. Woah. “Keep the lollipop, I have loads,” he gulped, avoiding your eyes. 

“Drop me off?” You suggested, putting on the most convincing, sweetest smile, which somehow worked since it got Jay to grudgingly mumble a ‘yes’.

“I would give you a kiss right now if I could.” You skipped on, leaving Jay to tail behind you, your words ringing in his ears.

Maybe somewhere inside, he did wish you would.

“SEE? I TOLD YOU HE WAS A JERK,”

Minji continuously flailed her hands dramatically as you and she made your way through the campus. It was the week of the hockey event that Jay had mentioned, meaning another restless week of frat party, dress shopping, hockey match and then a fancy event. 

“Yes, yes, I know, you've made your point,” you grumbled annoyingly, having not one but two people saying the same to you. 

“It's quite cute that Jay stood up for you though,” she nudged your side, her eyes glinting. You knew what she was indicating.

“Fake dating, fake. Not real,” you threw your hands up in defeat, but internally, you were beginning to second guess if you even wanted to call it fake, maybe deep down, you didn't want it to be.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Minji mumbled, but you were able to catch onto it, huffing in denial next to her. “Anyway, when are you going shopping? The event’s this weekend already,”

“Fuck, I forgot,” you brushed your hand through your hair, having another headache to add on to. “Do you have any nice fancy dresses? I'm sure Jay is ready but I'm not,”

Minji flashed a knowing smirk, she definitely had something up her sleeve. “You know I do. I'll bring them to your dorm and we're going to have a whole makeover,”

“You're not going to burn my hair this time right?”

“We'll see.”

A few days had passed and it was your second hockey pregame party, repeatedly cursing that your Thursday night was ruined once more, but seeing Jay’s pleading eyes at your doorstep, you just had to give in again. How did he have that effect on you?

“She’s going to be at the party,” Jay noted casually on the way to the house. 

“Oh,” you pursed your lips, not knowing what to say next. “What’s her name? You’ve never mentioned,”

“Sujin,”

“Her?” you gasped, eyes widened in plain shock. Out of all the girls he could’ve had his heart broken by, it had to be the infamous Instagram blogger who was known to play around. Look, you've always been a supporter of every woman's rights and wrongs, but she was way beyond any defending. 

“Yeah …” Jay sighed, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel. “We were high school lovers, but things went sour in college,”

“Well, forget about her, you want to prove her wrong right? Then prove her wrong,”

“You're oddly over confident today,”

“What's wrong with confidence, Park?”

He glanced over at you briefly, a wide grin on his face as he shook his head. “Nothing. I just like to see confidence on you,”

You rolled your eyes, but something inside you twisted, finding yourself ignoring whatever feelings that sparked internally. “Are you ready for Saturday?” 

“Suit’s ready, but me? So so, I guess,”

“You sound pessimistic, don’t tell me you’re starting to regret all these,”

“Hey, now you’re just putting words into my mouth,” Jay grumbled, putting the car into park right outside of the familiar frat house. “I won’t ever regret you or this whole thing, now come on,”

You weren’t left a single second to even process the fact that he said he won't regret you. Yes, you, not just this stupid scheme, but you. Upon entering the threshold, you were met with a cup of beer thrusted into your face from a passing Heeseung, your other hand occupied by Jay’s, trying your best to make it past the crowd without stumbling over. Everything was a whirlwind.

“Fuck, she’s here,” his hold on you tightened and you followed his line of sight, your gaze landing on the over dressed Instagram model, her skirt a little too small and her heels a little too high.

“Just act normal, Jay. You said you’re over her, then you should act like that,” you yanked him close to you, walking over to the mini bar, pouring yourself a drink. “That’s her boyfriend?” you nodded at the taller man towering beside Sujin, his face contrary to the one you had in mind.

“Yeah, that’s Intak,” he said quietly, aware of the lingering ears around the two of you. “Seeing him every time we have a game against his team is revolting, I can’t believe I have to see him here too,”

“Then look away,” you pushed his face softly, earning a huff of annoyance from him. “Come on, it’ll be over in an hour,” you rubbed the side of his arm in comfort, his lips twisting into an endearing smile.

“You’re right,” Jay sighed, blinking harshly, his gaze flickering between you and your surroundings. “I’ll go find Heeseung and Sunghoon for a moment, is that okay? Will you be alright alone? You can come along too. If you want—”

“It’s fine, Jay, really,” you laughed, putting your hands up to stop him from blabbering on. “Go find them, call me when it’s time to leave,”

“I’ll come find you once I’m done,” he held onto your shoulder, pressing a hasty kiss on the top of your head before turning away to another room in search of his hockey teammates.

Safe to say you were able to find yourself a company, who turned out to be a girl you knew from your literature class. Why was she there? She didn’t know either and you thought the best was to not question further, grateful that you were not alone in this house of strangers. The clock was spinning fast, soon it was already past midnight and Jay was nowhere to be seen. You were praying that you weren’t in a remake of ‘Scream’.

The feeling of unease crept up on you and you couldn’t handle it any longer, standing up from the couch and storming into different rooms of the house, all occupied and filled with people, none of those were Jay. The last option you had was the upstairs, which lied the unimaginable behind those rooms that you were not about to explore, thank you very much!

Wandering the upstairs of a rather large frat house all alone was quite a challenge, especially when you were trying to hunt a 5’10 hockey jock, adding onto the fact that you literally and physically bumped (crashed, actually) into said hockey jock’s enemy in the corridors, shit was turning upside down.

“Fuck—sorry,” you coughed out, regretting your last sober choice of bringing your beer cup along.

“Shit—it’s fine, no worries,” Jay's enemy/ex’s boyfriend, Intak, reassured, dabbing himself off with some napkins that were miraculously lying on a table nearby.

“I feel bad, if you need it cleaned I can help,” you frowned, leaning over to see the damage you’ve caused: a yellowish stain on his once perfect white tee.

“No, it’s completely fine, shit happens,” he laughed, waving his hand, an awkward silence filling the air momentarily. “So, why are you even up here?”

“Oh—I’m finding … someone,” you gave him a tight-lipped smile. 

His eyes lit up. “Me too, actually. I can’t leave the party without them and gosh, I’m getting a headache already,” 

“Twins, I think the beer is getting to me soon,” you clapped your hands, glancing around for any signs of Jay.

“Before that happens, may I know your name first?”

You raised your eyebrows. “It’s Y/N,”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Intak,” you accepted his handshake, trying your best to be friendly and not seem awkward. "I play in a hockey team, the one that's playing against yours for tomorrow,"

"Right," you nodded as though you hadn't already known that prior to this. "I would wish you good luck on normal occasions, but since it's against the home team … I need to keep my school spirit,"

Intak let out a small laugh. "Totally understandable," he met your eyes, a hint of sheer curiosity in them. "Do you have a date for tonight—"

"Intak?"

"Y/N?"

You, together with the hockey player, turned around to find each other's partners standing down the corridor next to one another, a look of confusion written on their faces. But you, you had anger and an obvious "what the fuck" painted onto your expressions, and it was clear that Jay had noticed it too when he came close.

"Uh—we're leaving now, bye," Jay murmured, grabbing a hold of your wrist and dragging you away, giving you only a brief second to say goodbye to Intak.

You didn't and couldn't understand what was happening, just hating the way Jay was acting. You kept your mouth shut until you were completely out of the house and walking towards the car when you yanked your hand out of Jay's hold, causing him to look back at you in a daze.

"God, you're such a dickhead!" You seethed, breathing heavily.

"What?"

"'What' was all you could say? Jay, you left me in that party alone for God knows how long and then you disappear on me just for me to find you running back to your ex? Make it make sense,"

"I didn't run back to her, Y/N, for fuck's sake," Jay ran a hand through his hair, his lips pressed into a thin line. "She pulled me away and started claiming weird shit that never happened, I wanted to leave but she kept persisting until I managed to break down the fucking doorknob,"

Silence fell between the two of you, the dark of the night consuming your thoughts and the moon was staring down at you, your mind and soul in a daze. You couldn't understand why you were feeling this way, after all, it was fake, it wasn't real.

"I believe you," you sighed, gulping down the anxiety building up within you. "Forget it, it's fine, sorry for being so worked up, it's not like we're really dating, right?"

You looked at him, noticing his eyebrows furrowed and eyes glinting with something unreadable, his mouth opened then shut, wanting to say something but nothing came out, heaving a small sigh. "You're right, it's not real anyway."

As much as you wished to forget it, you couldn't. The way he wasn't even fighting and being in denial, his words stemming sadness into your heart and reminding you again and again that it was never real to begin with. 

Fake dating was meant to be fake, wasn't it?

“I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE BROUGHT ME HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT,”

Friday night hockey was something you loved, but after what happened yesterday, you dreaded coming. 

You still remembered the tension filled air on the way back to your dorms, the silence in the car and the quiet exchange of "goodnight" haunted you. Crashing into Minji's bed having a breakdown definitely made you two come to a conclusion that you were indeed harbouring something for Jay. Were you going to straightforwardly admit it? Never.

Now, you had zero balls to be at the game alone, choosing to drag Minji along and you knew even if she was vocally complaining, she was actually enjoying the hot hockey players secretly.  

"Did you talk to Jay after yesterday night?"

"No,"

"Will you?"

"Maybe,"

"I think that's a 'yes',"

You stared pointedly at her and she shrugged, resuming her watch on the hockey players practising. You watched along as well, your eyes instinctively following Jay's figure, but then you noticed Intak on the far end as well. Somehow, you knew that this match wasn't about to end well.

"Is this seat empty?" A voice startled you from your internal monologue, snapping your head just in time to see little miss ex standing over you.

"Oh—yes," you said uneasily, grabbing your phone immediately to text Minji.

you: it's her

jiji: who

you: the girl next to me!!! that's jay's EX.

jiji: YOU'RE KIDDING

you: i wished

You exchanged a wary look with Minji, playing it off as natural as you could as you sensed Sujin sitting next to you, elbowing Minji in panic and she does the same back to you, making it look wild and weird from a third perspective. You stopped the frenzy nudging war with Minji, swallowing thickly and hoping nothing happened, but actually, something did, hooray!

“You’re Jay’s girlfriend?” you heard her asking and you turned your head slowly, meeting her blinking eyes and curious gaze.

“Yes,” you tried your best for it to sound convincing, and it seemed to have worked.

“Cool.” she whistled under her breath, returning her gaze back to the arena and you resisted rolling your eyes, biting back a snarl.

The game started in a haze, both teams trying to break one another’s defence and score a goal, yet it all failed in the end, turning it into a tie for two periods straight. You and Minji sighed in disappointment, watching the home team giving their best to not collapse there and then. Sujin, on the other hand, looked nervous throughout the game, occasionally standing up and clapping.

The third period approached in a blink of an eye, two teams eager to score and win, the tension was high and you could tell they were sweating heavy loads. It began in a peaceful and lowkey attack, but shoving and punches were seen here and there, earning entertained jeers from the crowd. You sighed, both in exasperation and stress, hoping nothing would land Jay a bad game. But everything proved you the opposite once more.

Your eyes widening in the next moment, noticing two players shoving each other and throwing gloves onto the ice, punches almost thrown but was interjected by the referee and teammates. Lord, it just had to be Jay and Intak, it was basically written in the stars, wasn’t it?

Once the game had ended, you couldn’t care less about the scoreline, listening to Minji’s brief rants on how not to fumble your emotions about Jay and stopping her halfway through, pointing to the clock as your time ticked. You were attempting to squeeze your way out when you heard a cough behind you and to your disappointment, it had to be Sujin.

“You’re aware of who I am, right?” you heard the sneer in her voice, holding in the urge to rip her hair out and instead, remained facing away from her.

“Don’t worry, I do. You’re Jay’s dumpster ex girlfriend,”

“What—”

Timing was right and you took the chance to slip away, thanking the world that you were finally miles away from Jay’s dusty ex. All of that didn’t matter though, the important aspect was finding Jay now, awkwardly speed walking to locate Jay’s whereabouts.

Upon arriving at the front of the familiar locker rooms, you patiently waited, feeling a sense of deja vu. That wasn’t all. Your anxiety was at its highest point. What were you about to say to Jay? Can you even face him? What if you pussied out and ran away—

“Y/N?” speaking of the devil …

You whipped your head around, Jay’s curious eyes meeting your panicked ones, your whole body frozen to the spot as he approached you, taking a cautious step at a time. 

“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” you couldn’t help it, after seeing the minor fight on ice, your first natural instinct was to ask him this. Jay lowered his head, hiding a smile that was threatening to appear. A small sense of relief washed over you.

“I’m fine … thanks. Just a small conflict,” he muttered, then proceeded by a brief moment of silence, where you swore it felt like forever considering how it was just quiet stares and exchanges of friendly smiles, and you couldn’t really handle it much longer, being the one to break first.

“Jay, I—uhm—yesterday, the party thing, I’m sorry about it, I don’t want that to make things awkward between us,” you gesture wildly at the space between you and him, his eyes following your movements. “And it’s wrong for me to say those stuff,”

“It’s partially my fault too. I’m the one to blame to ditch you,”

“I’m the one who accused you of shit and I feel really bad for assuming something I don’t know. I just got worked up, I’m sorry,”

He took hold of your hands, grasping onto them tightly as though he was fearing you’d run away. “Y/N, do you trust me?”

Do you trust him?

In a heartbeat, the answer was an obvious ‘yes’. You had to admit, you did initially find him annoying and a total fuckboy that you knew would break your heart, but as time passed, you couldn’t care anymore. Even if it meant your heart was on the line, at least you knew Jay was genuine about you; at the very least, there was someone who would stand up for you, listen to your rants about music, and put you first. 

“Yes,”

Jay pulled your hand, practically yanking you towards him, landing on his chest with a thud and a heart thumping crazily, butterflies swarmed your stomach and you could feel heaven getting close, aka you dying in Jay’s arms. He pressed his head on the top of yours, feeling his heart beating against your chest, his cologne no stranger to you now. 

“When I said you’re my girl, I meant it, it doesn’t matter if it’s fake or not, I’ll always care for you, and I will never ever hurt you, so please—” an underlying mix of desperation, hurt and care were laced in his voice, and you were weak, weak for him. “—trust me, and even if it means I need to earn it or whatever, I will,”

“Jay…” you faltered, resting your chin on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m sorry for not trusting you, I should’ve heard you out, of course I do trust you,”

Jay was silent for a second, whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ and pressing a swift kiss on your forehead, which didn’t get completely unnoticed by you, but you decided to not say anything about it, letting yourself melt into his arms. Internally, you were conflicted, torn between whether your feelings about him were mutual, you were scared, petrified that you’ve already broken the first and most important rule of fake dating:

Do not catch feelings.

jayjay: DUMPSTER EX? you’re soo foul for that

you: truth hurts unfortunately :/ you never told me what happened that day

jayjay: it was stupid, he just started attacking me, for OBVIOUS reasons, so i couldn’t help defending back :( 

you: i’m glad you didn’t get your ass beat

jayjay: gasp you have zero confidence in me!

Tossing your phone to the side was a hard task considering how Jay was basically spamming your message inbox, ranging from panicking about the event that was happening at night to gossiping about exes, he was certainly experiencing many emotions. You were similarly distraught, having a hard time choosing between a black dress or a red one, placing them in front of you for evaluations that just ended up failing.

“By the time we’re done I think the party would’ve ended,” Minji groaned from her side of the room, lounging on her bed as she watched you glancing between the two dresses.

“Not helping,”

“I literally chose the black one and you told me, in your words, ‘what if I looked better in red’ girl, that’s your problem now,”

“I'm indecisive and you know that,” you mumbled sourly, picking the black dress in the end. You were grateful for the fashion Gods, the dress was an absolute banger and you didn’t understand how you even picked it out, you just knew. 

“See? I told you,” Minji whistled, manhandling you to do a forceful 180 turn for her, and from the way her face morphed into a smile, you could tell she was pleased. "Jay would drop dead when he sees you," she squealed.

"God I hope not," you joked, squeezing onto your clutch tightly.

jayjay: im outside :)

"He's here," you hissed, becoming frantic all of a sudden, double checking everything at the last minute before slipping your heels on, making sure to give Minji a small kiss on the cheek too and off you went dashing towards Jay's car, noticing his figure faced away, leaning against his car as you got nearer.

"Hi," you panted, masking the fatigue and exhaustion from the amount of panic and stress you went through in those 5 minutes.

You could see Jay glancing up from his phone, then shoving it into his back pocket and turning his head around, his burning eyes locked with yours. A smirk slowly stretched onto his lips, a mischievous glint in his gaze as he sweeped your figure. You were no better, eyes shamelessly boring into him, scanning his attire and you swore your legs were shaking.

Him in a plain black suit shouldn’t be affecting you, but it was. The prada tie hung around neck was equally distracting, how was he making something so simple seem breathtaking? You hated him for it, yes, you absolutely do. His hair was styled back and a single loose strand hung over his forehead, practically challenging the Zayn Malik look.

“Hey,” his hand instinctively reached for your waist, bringing you closer to him. “You look amazing—you’re amazing,” he breathed out, completely transfixed.

“You look great too,” that’s a lie, he looked more than just great.

“Getting complimented by you for once? Honoured,”

“You should be,” you snickered, letting Jay guide you to the passenger side and adoring the way he opened the car door for you. Although it was a small gesture, you appreciate it greatly considering how literally no man had done this for you before. Known fuckboy Park Jong Seong was proving you wrong day by day.

The drive there began quietly and you knew it was going to take a while since it’s quite a distance away, fearing it would be awkward silence once more, but the moment Jay had switched the radio on, the music discourse started, then it progressed into movies. 

“I can’t believe you hate rom coms!” you gasped, staring at him in horror as he fumbled to defend himself.

“Look, I didn’t say hate, but it’s just pointless,” 

“You’re telling me you’ve never watched the classic rom coms before?” you dramatically leaned away from him, earning a huff.

“No,” he grumbled.

“That’s criminal,” you exclaimed, a little evil idea forming in that brain of yours. “I’m making you watch them,”

“You’re so not,”

“Oh, I am,” you beamed, clapping your hands together. “There are ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 days’, ‘Notting Hill’, ‘Pretty Woman’, the list goes on and on and Julia Roberts is literally a rom com legend—oh my God, please tell me you’ve watched Mamma Mia before,”

“Of course I did! I’m not that bad,”

“I’m glad,” you let out a sigh of relief, sinking into your seat and making a mental note to write down a list of rom coms to watch with Jay. A rom com marathon date with Jay, cute. The rest of the ride, you listened to Jay’s hilarious rants about the pizzas he tried and the interesting stories from his trips abroad.

The venue was absolutely spacious and screamed sponsored. It was at some five star hotel, the parking was already a clear indication that it wasn’t a hotel to be taken lightly in consideration. Even Jay was surprised, his head twisting and turning to look at the small details of everything, his hand in yours and it genuinely felt like you were dragging a curious child around.

“Didn’t know the hockey associations had this in them,” he cooed, entering the ballroom of the hotel, a big hockey banner hung at the stage, round tables littered here and there, a huge space in the middle for the dancefloor and as for the cherry on top, a wide array of food and drinks displayed freely. Maybe you didn’t fully regret coming.

Despite all that, you only managed to recognise one or two people from the hockey team, but the rest of them were plain strangers, players from different schools that only Jay could probably recognise. You simply felt uneasy.

“Remind me what this is for again?”

“Literally nothing, it’s the same as the frat party but classier I suppose,”

“Real charming,”

“Come on,” Jay said quietly, his hand resting on the small of your back, guiding you towards your designated table, actually glad for once when you saw the hockey team, including Heeseung and Sunghoon. “It’s going to be over soon and hey, you can always talk to the guy’s dates,”

“Will I be seeing their dates the next time?” you arched a quizzical eyebrow at him, knowing their reputation, you wondered if this was a one night exclusive kinda thing, but you weren’t there to judge.

“Hard to say,” Jay frowned.

“Wait—” you paused, placing an arm on Jay’s shoulder. “What about us? This whole deal was for tonight, but what happens after?”

“I don’t think it’s the right time to discuss this right now, Y/N,” Jay glanced back and forth between you and his friends at the table, making sure his voice was extra hushed. “Let’s just survive tonight first, and we’ll talk about the rest after. Capiche?”

You nodded, but deep down, you could tell that talk was already dreaded by the both of you. You’d hate to admit it, but after being with Jay for a while, you were not willing to let go. What if he didn’t feel the same and you’ll just end up being those clingy girls he dated before? It was such a wrong time to think about all these when you’re in the middle of some stupid event, but your mind has its way to put you off, always.

“You okay?” Jay was close, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of emotions. It definitely helped in snapping you out of your daze, and it took your utmost willpower to not shy away or kiss him at that exact moment, he was so pretty, painfully pretty when he was up close for you to be able to capture his every feature. 

“Yeah,” you breathed out, squeezing his shoulder lightly before looping your arm around his. “I’m a little hungry,”

“Me too,” Jay groaned, his head turning over to where the buffet was, evidently displaying heart eyes. “I’ll go get us some, you should join them first, and save me a seat too, please,”

“‘Please’? That’s a first from you,”

“Do you want your food or not?”

“You’re so romantic whenever you threaten me,” you shooed Jay away, forcing him to fetch some food while you trudged your way towards the table, Heeseung and Sunghoon nodded at you when you caught their eyes.

"Y/N," the two hockey players regarded you, their dates giving you friendly smiles and you took a seat next to Heeseung's date.

"Heeseung, Sunghoon," you raised your eyebrows. "And the ladies," you have to admit it, at least they had great tastes.

Heeseung and Sunghoon introduced you to their dates, one was Chaewon and the other was Kazuha, both of them being the nicest people you've ever met and you swore you were about to ditch Jay for them instead.

"Hey," Jay finally appeared, his hands were occupied by two plates and thankfully, he was smart enough to fill them up to the brim. He slipped into the empty seat next to you, acknowledging his friends and their dates.

“This is a first,” Heeseung noted thoughtfully, catching both you and Jay off guard.

“Hm?” Jay hummed, passing you the utensils.

“Don’t ‘hm’ me. This is literally my first time seeing you treat a girl like this,”

Jay stared back at his friends as if they were insane, you just stayed amused. “You’re making me sound like I’ve treated other girls like a dickhead,”

“You know what I mean,” 

You didn’t. But it seemed Jay did, silently sighing underneath his breath and shrugging Heeseung’s words off, turning to you instead. “I got you some strawberries, I remembered you mentioned loving them once,”

There was a tug at your heartstrings, it was your absolute weakness: people remembering your favourite things; Jay most definitely had a great way to get into your heart and mind. He was slowly but surely ticking off the boxes on the list you’ve created in your head, titled ‘things Jay is forbidden to do so that I WON’T end up liking him’ and he was proving you wrong by checking them off one at a time, damn it.

The food wasn’t the best but the company surely did help. The whole of the hockey team was cracking jokes around the table, you were laughing until your stomach was hurting, the atmosphere high and wild, you were too busy trying not to choke at the jokes to notice that you were practically leaning onto Jay’s side, shoulders touching and you could feel the warmth emanating from his body.

What’s a fancy event without a speech at the end of the night? Other than that boring part, you were relieved to hear there was at least a dance to end the night off on a high with, since the dance floor was there for a reason. The team around the table started dispersing in pairs, until it was only you and Jay left. 

“Were you waiting for me to ask?” Jay teased, his eyes lingering on you.

“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go usually?” you mused, raising an accusing eyebrow at him and he stifled a laugh. 

“I’m playing with you. I was waiting for the other’s to leave first so that I could be alone with you—” he bumped your shoulder gently with his, “—and ask you personally,” he stood up from his seat, the soft glow from the lights shone across his face, alighting his delicate features, he looked like a fantasy, too good to be true, and maybe he was. “Would you like to dance?” 

“I would love to,” you accepted his hand, allowing him to lead you to the dancefloor and you suddenly felt nervous, hoping you wouldn’t end up tripping or stumbling, or worse, stepping on Jay’s toes. Somehow, he would always sense your distress and this time, it was the same. 

“Don’t be nervous, I won’t start hoisting you up like those Disney shows,” he said with his recognizable playful smile that you’ve grown used to. 

You were facing him now, his hand not leaving yours and only tightening its grip, pulling you in closer and closer until you were only mere inches away from him, noses almost touching. The other hand of his rested on your waist, yours on his shoulder, eyes not leaving one another. The lights were dimmed down, slow music was playing in the background and you swore you saw something sparked in his gaze as you two started moving to the rhythm. 

“I might’ve said it earlier already but genuinely, you’re absolutely breathtaking,” Jay whispered, his voice low and his gaze piercing.

“Have my love potions finally worked?” you smiled, hoping and praying that Jay wouldn’t notice the slight tinge of pink rising to your cheeks.

“I think they did,” Jay nodded slowly, biting his lip for a moment before leaning even more closer, space was basically nonexistent between you two now. “I might want to keep you forever now, keep you by my side and never let you go,”

Could this be his answer? An answer to your countless doubts and thoughts that piled in your mind. This was stupid, he was stupid. Stupidly handsome and charming it had you going insane and you thought hockey jocks wouldn’t have this effect on you, guess you were wrong all along.

“Really?” you breathed out, barely audible, but expectant. 

“I don’t think I was ever joking,” 

“I—”

“Jay!” Sunghoon’s voice boomed through the crowd and you could see the hope drain from Jay’s face, his eyebrows furrowed and features twisted into annoyance. “Dude, I heard there’s some free booze that costs thousands! Can we please go check it out—am I interrupting something here?”

“You think?” Jay seethed out, taking off his suit’s blazer and placing them over your shoulders. It was something small, maybe even insignificant to others, but to you, it meant a lot, and you were hoping no one noticed your slight shyness after. 

“It’s fine,” you placed a reassuring hand on Sunghoon’s shoulder. “You can whisk him off for the night, but don’t make him drunk,”

“Got it,” Sunghoon showed you two thumbs up, throwing his arm around Jay's shoulder. 

“I’ll see you later? Call me if you need anything,” 

“I’ll be okay, I have Chaewon and Zuha here,”

Jay only silently nodded, begrudgingly following his friend but making sure to turn back and take a last peek of you before fully disappearing away. You were left alone standing in the midst of the dancefloor, feeling a pair of eyes on you and you knew exactly who it was, Sujin.

Maybe this whole plan worked too well, it had you totally forgetting its original objectives and you couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing. All you knew was that you needed a long and deep talk with Jay and whatever he said earlier definitely had you on the edge all night while he was somewhere getting wasted. Hey, someone had to be the responsible one, and it happened to be you.

“You’re telling me Heeseung spilled a drink over a girl a few days ago?”

You found yourself giggling and messing around with Chaewon and Kazuha, the three of you sharing odd stories of one another and it evolved into gossiping about your own dates. Chaewon turned to you, a cheeky grin wide on her face.

“You and Jay are dating right?” she nudged you playfully, Kazuha followed with a smile.

“I guess so?” you threw your hands up, sipping from a drink you didn’t really like but still endured.

“You seem unsure—oh wow, did he never confirm it between you two?”

“No, not that—” it was that, it was complicated. “It’s just something’s bugging me,”

“What is?” the two girls leaned in closer. 

“Just, the other day at a party, I saw him coming out of a room with his ex and I got mad—”

“Rightfully so,” 

“I heard his explanation and I felt bad for jumping to conclusions,”

“Oh, honey, it’s our first instinct, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it,”

“Yeah, I know, I do trust him, he didn’t seem to look like he had just freshly made out with her or anything, but something in me just doesn’t feel like I’ve fully made peace with this whole thing,”

“Which means?”

“I don’t know exactly, I think I’m either super paranoid or simply scared something bad might happen,” 

“I might’ve not been with Sunghoon for long enough and I don’t even think we’re a thing, but I’ve hung out with him and Jay included, and it’s enough for me to say that Jay is a good guy. He might be a well known fuckboy at first encounter, but the more you got to know him, you’ll realise he’s actually the sweetest and nicest guy ever,”

“Excluding his reputation,” Chaewon added thoughtfully.

“Excluding that,” Kazuha repeated. “But he probably changed, I don’t see him at many parties anymore after he got with you. It’s cheesy to say but I think you might’ve changed that man,”

“Mhm,” Chaewon nodded along, placing a hand on your thigh and giving you a comforting pat. “Please don’t let some ex overwhelm your thoughts and sever your relationship, I’ve been there and it sucked, believe me. I see the way he looks at you, I can tell he likes you a lot, I really don’t wish anything to happen between you two,”

“Plus, the three of us needs to hang out more, go on dates together, it’ll be fun,”

“Agreed,” 

You broke into a smile, laughing softly and leaned into Chaewon’s embrace. “I know we’ve barely met but would it be too soon to say I love you guys?”

“Never,” the two girls snickered in unison. 

The night gradually passed without your knowledge, time practically nonexistent when you spoke to your new found besties, only noticing how late it was when you saw people slowly making their way to the exit, hand in hand with their partners, and you thought of Jay. Please don’t be high or drunk somewhere, or just both in general.

“God, look at the time, should we go find them?” Kazuha pointed out, Chaewon stretching her arms out beside her while you readjusted yourself uncomfortably in this dress. 

“We really should, they’re probably drunk or something. Come on,” Kazuha pulled you up and it took your utmost strength to not collapse from the pain, all thanks to your killer heels you were now wincing everytime you walked. Beauty is pain indeed.

It didn’t take long for the three of you to spot the hockey guys, distinguishing Sunghoon’s glorious silver hair that shone particularly brighter under the lights from the mirrorball. Although they seemed sober still, you could tell they were beginning to be at their wits end, but forget about them, Jay was nowhere in sight and you couldn’t help feeling unease.

“Where’s Jay?”

“Oh, Jay?”

“Yes, Jay,” you folded your arm, staring expectantly at them.

“He got a call or something just ten minutes back, he said he was supposed to be back soon, as in right now, but he’s not here,” Heeseung said, trying to take a swig of his cup before it was swatted away by Chaewon. “He did go that way,” he pointed at the door that led out to the terrace.

“I’ll go get him,”

“Do you need any of us to help?” 

“I’ll be fine … for now,” you gave them a smile of assurance, but you yourself were far from being assured.

Trudging your way past the dispersing crowd, you were wondering where Jay was, silently cursing him out as you continued your way even if your shoes were killing you. Never again. The terrace was a nice place to getaway, the open space looked out to a night sky that was illuminated by skyscrapers and stars, plus the cool night breeze made it even better. 

The area was wide, tables and chairs littered here and there, but there was no five feet ten hockey player anywhere. You decided to walk around a little bit more, pulling your phone out and dialling Jay’s number, praying he was somewhere near. There was no way this would be a second reenactment of the party at the beach except this time it’s actually a real scary movie, right?

Wrong. 

The moment you rang Jay, you managed a sigh of relief once you heard a ringtone sounding from a distance away, so as anyone would, you followed it, turning around a corner and you saw Jay’s back, elation filled your heart, but before you could even shout his name, your perfect bubble burst.

Jay wasn’t alone, no, he was with someone, a girl. You squint your eyes and you swore your knees turned into jelly in that second. Sujin, the dumpster ex, pulled him into a kiss. A mix of countless emotions swelled in you, whether it was anger, shock or sadness, all you knew was that you needed to get out right now. You couldn’t believe it, Jay, the guy you actually considered was doing this. Maybe trusting him was the worst idea you could ever conjure up your entire life.

“Fuck me,” you cursed out, maybe a little too loudly because it definitely did make Jay stumble back from his ex, turning around to meet your eyes and you could tell he was not expected you here, hell you weren’t even expecting yourself to be in this foolish position.

“What—Y/N?” Jay somewhat looked too disoriented, unaware of what was happening as though he had just woken up 10 years later. But you couldn’t care less, you were hurt and you weren’t about to pretend nothing had happened and start acting jolly good. No, you weren’t going to stand there to let the scene before you swallow you whole, no way, you were going to leave this situation, this stupid event and this entire agreement. 

You stormed away, not daring to look back, mustering every bit of courage you had to swallow down a sob and remain prideful, even if it meant you had to fake it till you made it. Hurt wasn’t a stranger to you. You’ve experienced hurt in many forms. Physically, when you fell down on the rough rocky road; emotionally in terms of family, friends, love. But this was a hurt that resembled a deep cut, the feeling of being stabbed in the heart haunted your soul.

“Y/N, wait,”

Fuck, not here, not now, not when you were inside and standing in the middle of the room. Even though there was barely any one here by now, the guys from Jay’s hockey team remained, including Heeseung and Sunghoon, you were not ready to confront or be confronted.

“No, Jay, no ‘wait’,” you put your hand out, distancing yourself away from him, but you could still smell the alcohol in his breath. You wished and hoped he was sober enough for this, because in the next hour you were going to be the one drinking to death instead. 

“I can explain—”

“Can you?”

“What?”

“Can you explain this time? Is it just a drunken mistake? Is that what you were going to say?”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, we aren’t even dating,” 

Heads turned, you could sense people’s attention on the two of you now, but you were far from caring about that, not when Jay’s words felt exactly like a dig at your already fragile heart. God, you were so so stupid and naive.  

“Say it again,” the words came out in a whisper, your lips trembling. “Say it again, say how we were never real, how all of this was just a fucking scheme to get back at your ex, and ha—!” you threw your hands up, swallowing down a lump in your throat, “it worked, didn’t it? I ended up falling for your tricks and I ended up falling for you too, funny isn’t it?

Jay’s face twisted upon digesting your words, but you went on.

“I should’ve known that you were using me all along just to get back with her…” you faltered, your voice eventually failing you.

“Y/N, come on…” he said weakly, but you just shook your head.

 “Go back to her,”

“Don’t you get it? Fuck, I’d choose you over her, any day, any time. I’d choose you over everyone God damn it. Can’t you see that?” 

Your mouth fell open for a second, but nothing could come out as a response.

To say that you were bewildered was an understatement indeed, you were absolutely stunned speechless. The man before you, despite looking in a daze from God knows how much alcohol he had consumed, showed that his eyes said otherwise, staring back at you with desperation, longing, pining and sadness. Your heart could only take so much.

“Goodnight, Jay.”

What pained you more was the fact that he didn’t even try after that. No, he didn’t call for you nor did he stop you from leaving like those scenes from your favourite rom coms, he just decided to let you go. 

At one point, you really wished someone would come out and yell ‘this is a prank’ at you, but obviously, no one did. This whole thing was basically a reenactment of Cinderella, except it was a modern day and much more angsty version of every kid’s favourite movie. 

Of course, you happened to be Cinderella and he was Prince Charming, the clock struck midnight, you were leaving him in a haste and he was left stranded alone in the middle of a dance, how ironic. 

Oh, how you wished you were able to hide away from your own Prince Charming like the old mediaeval days.

“ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE CRYING OVER ‘HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS’?”

“Leave me alone,”

“It isn’t a good coping method,”

Somehow, it was already almost a week since that night. You remembered calling a cab in the dead of the night (dumb idea) and phoning Minji the whole way sobbing till the point where the driver had to pull over. You were pathetic and even a stranger could tell so, but you know what, he was nice about it and that’s the positives you’d take from that.

“And it’s ironic how I actually did somewhat lose a guy too,” you tried laughing, but it only sounded like a choke, Minji shaking her head sympathetically at you. 

Speaking about Minji, she definitely wasn’t pleased to hear what had happened. Knowing her, you knew she was about to say ‘I told you so’ but seeing you in your pathetic state, she kept her mouth zipped and quiet, letting you into her bed and having a sob session. It was a crazy night.

“When will you hear him out—did you even hear him out in the first place?” Minji eyed you accusingly and you began cowering under her intense gaze.

“No…”

“Y/N,” Minji sighed, shifting closer to you. “I know the whole picture is super messy and totally off putting, but what if it was an accident?”

“Him kissing his ex is a pretty clear picture to me, how would it be an accident?” you wrapped your blanket tighter around you, mumbling disheartedly.

“What if he fell on her or something?”

“Now you sound absolutely ridiculous,” you scoffed.

“What I really mean is, you should go and talk it out with him, if not, this thing will just drag on and you’ll hurt more,”

“I don’t think I’m ready, the wound’s still fresh,”

“I get it,” Minji placed her head on your shoulder, snuggling on your side. “It takes time, and I don’t think he’s ready either.”

Jay wasn’t ready, in fact he thinks he’s never going to face you again.

The moment he watched you slip away from him that night, he knew it was best to just let you go. Or so he thought. Best believe he got an earful from both Heeseung and Sunghoon, not to mention their dates. He could still remember the bursts of disbelief from them, the amount of ‘it was fake?’ and ‘what did you do?’ rung through his head till now, where he stared blankly back at the rink, sitting silently on one of the seats in the stands.

“It’s barely 24 hours and it’s also a Sunday, what are you doing here?” the team’s captain boomed through the empty arena, approaching Jay and eventually taking a seat next to him.

“Taking my mind off … things, what are you doing here?” Jay regarded Heeseung for a moment.

“I figured you’re here,” 

Jay nodded at Heeseung’s words, silence eventually filled the space between them. It was one of those moments where they knew something was wrong, but no one wanted to speak up about it.

“Are you not going to tell us what happened? Or did you simply decide to kiss your ex?” Heeseung broke the ice, coming off slightly harsh, detesting the silence from Jay. He knew this wasn’t the best friend he trusted his life with, the Jay he knew wasn’t a cheater, even if the relationship wasn’t real.

“Would you even believe me?”

“I would, I’ve known you for years, there’s no way you’re doubting my trust for you,” Heeseung rested his hand on Jay’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

Jay ran his hand across his face, blinking momentarily before sighing deeply. “I wasn’t the one who kissed her. I don’t know what happened to lead up to that, but I swear she suddenly turned me around and pressed herself onto me. I was just chilling outside for fresh air,”

“You’re kidding,”

“If I was I wouldn’t be here at all,”

“Have you confronted Sujin?” 

“Kind of? If you count screaming at her and telling Intak about it as a confrontation, then yes,” Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, his eyes trained on the rink. “I think Intak broke it off with her after,”

“Deserved,” Heeseung mused, a small smile on his face, karma truly worked wonders. “Now that’s settled, what about Y/N? I still can’t believe you roped her into a fake dating scheme just for that event,”

“Alright, alright, I’ve done some dumb shit and this was one of them, I know,” Jay admitted, throwing his hands up in defeat. “And I know I’ve hurt her … a lot, that’s why I don’t know how I can ever face her again,”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t chase after her that night,”

“I admit I did pussy out a little—”

“‘A little’?”

“Shut up,” Jay narrowed his eyes at his captain, who stared back, equally unamused. “I thought letting her go was the best choice, I was scared of hurting her more,”

Heeseung’s gaze softened, remaining quiet as he listened to his best friend opening up. Heeseung had these types of deep talk with Jay many times before, but this time, it was different. Being the one who stuck alongside Jay since his first breakup to now, he was the clearest when it came to Jay and his feelings. Over the years of witnessing Jay and his casual one nights, Heeseung expected it to last until the very day Jay retires from hockey, but your sole existence proved him wrong, and it definitely proved Jay wrong as well.

“Jay, do you like her?” Heeseung said after a while, catching the latter off guard.

“I–I–” Jay stammered, his body rigid and thoughts were circling in his mind. He didn’t just like you, he knows he’s fallen for you, you were the first girl to ever caught his eyes way before he even got to talk to you. 

He remembered it clearly, you were the one who called hockey stupid in front of his face, oblivious to the fact that he played the sport. He was injured at that time, sitting in the stands and watching his team play when he heard your voice complaining, your then boyfriend next to you. Offended Jay was once he heard the insult, though he was fascinated by you, but it was just his fuckboy side talking and he ended up staying silent instead.

Next thing he knew, he was all recovered and you were in the crowd, your face blank, the seat next to you was empty. Jay assumed it was a break up, something in him was giddy and he went on to score a hat trick that night. After all that, people might assume he would’ve gotten your number already, right? Nope. He never had the guts to and you stopped coming to games, only appearing once in a few months, until that fateful night at the beach.

“I do like her, fuck,” Jay threw his head back, leaning into the seat and his hands on his face, swallowing deeply as if he was in trouble, maybe because he was. How was he going to tell you he liked you and confront you about that night? There were two big stones thrown at his head. "I like her so much till the point where I think the amount of denial I had is turning into delusions instead,"

"So, you've reached insanity, got it," 

"God, I haven't been romantically in love with many girls before, but I'm pretty sure this is what being in love feels like, right … ?" 

Heeseung stared at Jay's pathetic expression, sighing deeply, clapping his back. "It's different for everyone but I can guarantee that you're on the right track, buddy,"

"Okay," Jay said breathlessly and nodded blankly, seeming as though he had just freshly figured out his feelings, putting the missing pieces into his puzzle. "Got it, but how do I apologise to her now?"

"What do you mean? Just go up to her and talk, say sorry and explain," 

"I feel like that's not enough,"

A sudden spark alighted in Heeseung's eyes, a shiver equally went down Jay's spine when he witnessed that before him. Lee Heeseung and his ideas were a mix of trouble and sometimes success, mainly trouble. “You know, Sunghoon pitched this idea to me yesterday, he said something about this is how you get the girl,”

The mention of Sunghoon's name and his idea didn't help at all.

“Write her an apology on our jumbotron,”

“You're insane,”

“And we happen to have access to it,”

“... tell me more.”

YOU WERE REGRETTING YOUR CHOICE OF AGREEING TO HEESEUNG AND SUNGHOON’S INVITE.

Hockey games were never up your alley, they knew that, but somehow they still managed to pull you into attending their game, even after what had happened. They did offer to bring you out for a luxurious buffet and you guessed it was their way of an apology, not passing up on it either.

“This better be worth it,” you grumbled under your breath, settling into your seat, glancing down at the rink, making it a strenuous effort to not stare at him. Ladies, do not chase, attract. You were not about to go running after Jay, nope, never.

No matter how hard you tried suppressing the thought of Jay, it lingered nevertheless. You wondered when he would talk to you again, or if he ever would, and being the most stubborn person you were, you weren’t going to confront him despite the need of an explanation clawing at your deepest desires. 

The first and second period rolled by mindlessly and you were starting to be at your wits end, reminding you why you barely ever attend hockey games after your ex, but at least the home team was leading. The third period was slightly more thrilling thanks to the small fight between two players, enraging you and the crowd, but once the puck landed on Jay’s end of the stick, everyone was on their feet, watching him zoom past the defensemen.

Without saying, Jay scored the game’s winning goal, the crowd going wild. You couldn’t help smiling, the whole team engulfed him wholly, making you let out a small giggle, and you had to admit, times like this where teams win crucial games do make you happy. Meanwhile, what you hadn’t noticed was the fact that Jay was glancing up at the crowd, his eyes searching for your figure. 

On the other hand, what you did notice was the jumbotron. A video of Jay doing his celebration flashed big on the screen, a giant ‘GOAL’ next to his head, but there was another line of words under that caught your attention at once, knowing it was directed at you. ‘I’m sorry and I miss you. I’ll wait for you, even if it’s a lifetime. Please come back to me.’ Totally not heartbreaking and gut wrenching for you! 

Screw being a cold hearted girl boss, all you wanted was to run back to him. 

Slinging your bag onto your shoulder, your mind was in a mess as you made your way out, squeezing past people and mumbling apologies in return. You mentally made a list of things you were going to do. First, run back to the dorms. Second, cry. Third, figure shit out. Just to make matters messier, your journey out wasn’t the smoothest, especially when you had to bump into Jay’s dumpster ex. What great timing this was.

“Y/N?” Sujin was shocked to see you, but you were clearly unimpressed.

“You still have the guts to turn up in front of me? In here? In a school you don’t go to?”

“I–I just wanted to talk to you,” 

“Me? What’s there to say?” you crossed your arms, staring expectantly at her. 

“Look, Jay didn’t kiss me, I kissed Jay, you get it?” 

You blinked. Were you supposed to get it? As much as you wished you didn’t, you did, and your mind turned into a worse state of mush. God rest your soul, you were about to pull someone’s hair out.

“What?” you exclaimed incredulously, furiousness crawling into your system. “So, you’re telling me you basically threw yourself onto him?”

“I suppose?”

“Wow, you really are a freaky ex, not freaky in a good way either,” you gestured at Sujin, a sick feeling in your stomach. It was never Jay’s fault, but his dumpster ex, and maybe all along he was trying to explain his side, yet you didn’t listen. Now, you felt like an idiot and an asshole. “You can stay in the dumpster and never return. You’re sick and twisted and I hope you’ll never turn up and harass Jay ever again, you got it? Or else I’ll curse you into being single forever,”

“I—”

You didn’t let her finish, you couldn’t bother to do so, instead you turned away, speed walking towards the locker rooms that unknowingly became yours and Jay’s meeting spot. Heart beating quick, your feet stumbling from walking too fast, your breath heaving, you were getting anxious. By the time you were standing in front of the locker room, sweat was trickling down the side of your face, whether it was from pure anxiety or just walking, you didn’t know. All you knew was that you needed to talk to Jay.

“Y/N, what brings you here?” Heeseung had his hands in his pockets, headphones around his neck, looking fresh off the shower as he greeted you. “I know Sunghoon and I invited you for dinner but I don’t think it’s tonight—”

“Where’s Jay?”

“Jay?” Heeseung repeated, he didn’t seem like he was believing what he had heard. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes to the back of your head. 

“Are there other ‘Jay's' that you know?”

“Uh—no,” Heeseung stammered, shaking his head as if he’s trying to shake his dizziness away. “Jay left already, Y/N,”

“Oh,” it was obvious how deflated you became, the drop in your voice and disappointment written all over your face. Heeseung gave you an apologetic smile, but you could only manage a small wave of goodbye and a quiet bid of goodnight before turning back to the original path to the exit. 

To say you felt frustrated, embarrassed, sad was an understatement, those words would never amount to the real emotions you were feeling. You were a mess, your love life was in a big distress and practically crumbling apart. The walk home couldn’t be more depressing than usual, can’t it?

Taylor Swift playlists to sob to, a tub of strawberry ice cream, a random rom com were all going to be your biggest hug of the night.

“GODS, THIS IS MISERABLE,”

A tub of half eaten ice cream sat sadly on your bedside table, a 90s romcom remained playing in the background. You couldn’t help frowning at the sight of the two leads falling in love, everything felt pathetic at this point.

You truly did stick to your words. Arriving back to an empty dorm room, courtesy to Minji for staying over at her boyfriend’s place, you practically had the whole dorm to yourself, meaning a space of free self loathing, you ran to your bed and plummeted into it. It took everything in you to not let out a blood curdling scream, instead you just took your laptop out and put on your favourite movie.

It was still early, midnight was barely approaching, so you were glad to be able to stay awake longer. It began raining heavily outside, a perfect sign for you to be in your sheets, reading your unfinished book that you’ve left hanging since months back. The whole scene of you being in bed on a rainy Friday night truly reflected a part from a romcom, how ironic it was.

In the midst of ‘16 Candles’ playing loudly on your laptop, the doorbell rang out of the blue. You froze, pausing the movie, slight paranoia creeping onto you. Right, being alone in an empty dorm room with a thunderstorm happening outside definitely wasn’t a common plot from horror. At first, you planned to ignore it, but a second ring prompted you to muster your courage to open the door.

‘I’m going to be fine’ chants were circling your mind as you approached the front door, one hand on the door knob, eyes glancing back and forth at the kitchen knife, you weren’t going down without a fight. A turn of the door knob and a pull of hand, the door swung open to a man. Wait. Not just any man—

“Jay?”

His name naturally rolled off your tongue, but your eyes couldn’t believe he’s actually standing right in front of you. 

Jay stared back, equally startled, as though he hadn’t expected you to open the door for him. He was standing there like a ghost, fully drenched from head to toe, shaking from the rain. His face was impassive, but his gaze showed otherwise, a hint of sadness and desperation painted in his brown irises.

“Are you insane?”

Jay glanced down at his attire that was basically soaked to the core, a small sigh escaping his lips. “We need to talk, Y/N,”

You nodded wordlessly, your eyes unknowingly avoiding his piercing gaze as you slowly backed away to the kitchen, grabbing a dry towel. “Here,” you handed Jay the towel, your hand shaking a little. 

“Thanks. Can I—” he took a peek over your shoulder, “—come in?”

“I—yeah,” you were slightly alarmed, moving to the side for him to enter before shutting the door, making sure to draw in a big breath to calm your nerves.

 “Y/N, please let me explain—”

“Jay, I’m really sorry—”

The two of you halted, realising that you’ve spoken in unison, the silence dawning on the both of you. Jay broke into an awkward smile and you felt yourself grinning just a little. Jay gestured at you to continue, so you did, letting out the things you’ve bottle in for days.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what happened and I just jumped to conclusions, which was wrong for me to do but—” you swallowed, blinking hard, “—but it was heart wrenching for me to see you kissing someone else, especially when it’s your ex, and it’s stupid, it’s so stupid that I’m feeling this way when we’re not even a thing!”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N,”

“It is,”

“It’s not,” Jay repeated, taking a step closer, a look of pining in his eyes as he searched for yours. You didn’t realise how much you’ve truly missed him until you saw him close. “I never intended to kiss Sujin, you know? I went out because she called me saying she needed help, and she took the chance when I was confused to kiss me. I know I’ve asked for you to trust me before, but if you don’t, I’ll get it,”

“I do,” you said at once, eliciting a small look of surprise from him. “I spoke to her,”

“What?”

“She admitted it to me, and I wanted to find you after the game but you were already gone, then I realised how much of an Idiot I was,” 

“Ah,” Jay said softly under his breath, combing his fingers through his hair, seemingly trying to digest everything in. The beat of silence was suffocating you gradually, uneasiness hung in the cold air of your dorm. It took you everything to pour the words you’ve been holding in your heart out.

“I trust you, I do, but what are we, Jay? What are we doing?” you breathed out, chewing anxiously on your bottom lip. “If you want to end it here, then say it—”

“We can be anything you want,”

“I want you, Jay,” you blurted out, it was too late to turn back and run now. “I don’t want you to need me, I want you to want me, just as much as I want you,”

Jay stepped closer, testing the waters between you and him before sensing the green light from you to continue further. Space was practically nonexistent, you were inches from him, letting his hand wander from your face to the back of your neck, naturally leaning into his warm touch that reminded you of the feeling of fire on a cold night. The hand resting on the back of your neck pulled you in closer, one wrong move and you would be kissing him. 

“I do want you,” Jay said quietly, the minty scent laced in his breath entering your senses. “I like you, Y/N. There’s no doubt about that, I know it. I’m aware that this whole thing started out fake and I expected nothing from it, but when I realised I felt something more for you, I was scared you would leave, especially since I had a history of—”

“Being a fuckboy?”

Jay rolled his eyes, grinning at the unamused look on your face. “That. So I thought letting you go after that night was a good decision, that my feelings would eventually disappear and you wouldn’t be hurt anymore, but God, I ended up hurting you instead and you have no idea how I had lost my mind,”

“Jay…” you were quite literally speechless, his words didn’t just had to tongue tied and had rendered you wordless completely, it made your insides twist and turn in the most childish way, it made you feel like you were a teenage girl who had just talked to her crush for the first time, you were giddy. 

“I choose you, my love. Any day, any time, anywhere. It’s always going to be you, only you,”

You were resisting the urge to break into the cheesiest smile ever, Park Jong Seong was about to be the death of you. “I like you too, big head. If you don’t kiss me now, I might change my mind,”

“You’re going to be the death of me,” 

Jay finally closed the space between you and him, pressing his lips on yours feverishly, your honey flavoured melting onto his lips and his cologne swarmed your senses, this was heaven. His hand travelled back to rest on your cheek, while yours was having a field trip travelling up his chest and into his hair, giving a slight tug which resulted in a groan from him. You tilted your head, feeling Jay part his lips and deepening the kiss, his other hand on your waist to pull you much more closer, your body now pressed up against his.

“Y/N,” he mumbled against your lips as you gently pushed him towards your couch. 

You hummed in response, feeling his body fall onto the couch with a thud and you followed suit, falling onto his lap, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You opened your eyes, pulling away to meet his heavy gaze that was staring back with equal desire.

“Be my girlfriend?” his voice came out in a whisper, but your ears perked up at those three words, a teasing grin pulled at your lips and your hand instinctively reached for his cheek to squeeze, earning a look of annoyance and endearment from him.

“Only if you take me out to dinner first, big head,”

“You’re such a tease,” he chuckled, pressing a haste kiss on the side of your lips and you giggled, brushing the strands of hair from his forehead.

“I’d be crazy to say ‘no’ after all this, you idiot,” you flicked at his forehead, eliciting a sharp hiss and a piercing glare from him, reminding you of a black cat. “So, yes, I’d like to be your girlfriend,”

You watched the man before you smiling wider than the time he won the championship with his team last season, his eyes shining bright and face beaming. Gosh, he was such a dream. One hand cupped your cheek, pinching it softly, “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you like my wife instead,”

You rolled your eyes at his words, deadpanning at him. “You’re too cheesy, Park Jong Seong,”

“And you love me for that.” he said in a sing-song tone before bringing you in for another kiss, this time softer and gentler, as if Jay was scared he would shatter you if he had kissed you too hard. 

If you had the choice to stay just like this for the next few hours, you would gladly take it. You were relieved everything was well now, even if it meant Jay's wet pants were staining your couch, but you're sure Minji would understand.

Just as Taylor Swift would say, you believe you were entering your 'Lover' era, and you couldn't wait to be with your hotheaded hockey boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, with no space.

“SO … YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN INTO ME ALL ALONG?”

It has been a few months since you and Jay made it official together. To top off the unforgettable experience, Minji came home the next day to see you and him cuddling in bed, not missing the chance to get a picture and proceeding to give Jay a humble Ted Talk during breakfast, but it was all good after. 

Jay did stick to your request and bring you out for dinner, but Heeseung and Sunghoon unintentionally beat him to it first by dragging you to the buffet they promised before Jay’s fancy dinner night, and he was forced to follow begrudgingly. Breaking the news to Heeseung and Sunghoon was definitely an interesting occurrence, including the usual bro talk and the crazy ship names, but in the end, they were glad you were finally together with Jay and was miles prouder of Jay for finally working up the courage to confess. 

Now, here you were, on a Saturday night at Jay’s apartment enjoying a glass of wine, a random rom com in the background as promised of a marathon, and listening to your tipsy boyfriend spill about his first impression of you, which led to him unveiling the part where he laid eyes on you during the hockey game. 

“Not always, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jay cut you off, raising an eyebrow at you. "I still can't believe you called hockey stupid,"

"It was a moment of hatred, okay?" You tapped his chin, swirling the wine glass in your hand. "Now, I'm a big hockey fan,"

"You're stupid," 

You feigned a dramatic gasp, punching his shoulder softly. "You're stupid … stupid,"

"Yes, yes, I am," Jay eventually gave in, closing in and pressing his lips onto yours, tasting the familiar taste of the red wine on your tongue. "I'm so grateful to have you with me, lovely. What would I be doing without you?"

"Fucking other girls?"

"You've ruined the mood,"

You laughed, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm kidding. You would be in a ditch without me,"

"You're not wrong," Jay's thumb was grazing against your lip, his eyes half-lidded, the alcohol in his system overpowering. "God, I love you,"

"I love you more, big head," you said, feeling a swarm of butterflies fluttering wildly in your abdomen. Jay was perfect, too perfect that it intimidated you, but what you didn't know was that he felt the same way about you too. "Are you turning red, Jong Seong?"

"What? Pft, it's the wine," he waved your words off, turning away to hide the obvious that he was becoming a shade of pink and maroon. You snorted at his ridiculousness, pushing his face to face back at you.

"Kiss me again?"

"You make me such a happy man, you know that?" Jay grinned, saying nothing more and pulled you in, abandoning his wine glass.

Jay couldn’t help but smile against your lips, being the happiest man in the entire universe at this moment, because he knew he finally got the girl, his girl, and there was no way he would ever lose you again. Never.

[yamumsyadadd]

different

Part of the Marquita universe. Others can be found here:

Marquita, mama and mami, accident

A/N: talks of homophobia, bullying. this was fun to write! If you have any more questions for Marquita or if I should make another universe let me know!

It was hard growing up with parents like Alexia Putellas and Jenni Hermoso. Both were incredibly talented footballers, attractive and smart, add Olga into the mix and it felt like you’d never reach the same level. 

Olga went to university, graduated top of her class and then went on to her masters, Alexia got a degree in business, and Jenni in economics. There were a lot of high expectations, in school, in football, in life in general. 

To be the daughter of two of spains best players in history, well it was back breaking work. Football was not a sport you enjoyed, at all. You weren’t horrible at it, but you weren’t at the same level as your parents or Tia’s. It was to be expected since you were only twelve. There was time to get better, to showcase your skills. Skills you didn’t have, nor did you really want. 

School wasn’t much better. You weren’t horrible but you were a dreamer, the teachers complained you were always off with the fairies but in honesty, you couldn’t care less. Maths was the only subject you cared about, you’d need it if you wanted to study engineering at university. 

The kids at school often picked on you for being that way, but you didn’t care that much. It was same with the football team. It was almost like the universe was conspiring against you. 

It was mid week, right before Christmas when you finally had enough. Your Mami was away for the UWCL game in Sweden, mama had just gone back to Mexico after spending her break with you. Olga’s work had died down a bit due to the holidays. 

Your relationship was still a bit strained since the accident but it was slowly repairing itself. 

“How do you do it?” You asked Olga as she closed her laptop for the night. 

“Do what?”

“Everything? Work in Madrid, Manuela’s, your relationship with Mami and your friends. It’s a lot to juggle.” 

“It is. It’s a bit easier now I’m in the routine but essentially my life is split in two. One half in Madrid, the other, more important half here, in Barcelona.” 

“You went to university, spent six years studying to do what? No offence but don’t you want more?” 

“In what way?”

“You have a degree in communications, you could be a journalist, a public relations person or I don’t know, in marketing but instead you work in social media?” 

“You don’t think I’m doing enough?” 

“Why social media Olga? Why not something more interesting, more meaningful?” 

“Why do your Mami and mama play football? Why do you? Because you all love it. Sure, I could be doing something else, stuck at a desk for nine hours a day, unhappy and bored. But by doing what I do, I get to travel the world with my clients, get introduced to people I’d never imagined meeting, help people became what they want.” 

You nodded your head, content with the answer, then stood up and packed up your homework, heading towards your room but not before turning to Olga, “I don’t love football. Not like Mami and mama. I am not like them and that’s okay.” You gave her a sad smile before turning out. 

“Mari-“ Olga started before hearing your door close. She let out a sigh, wondering where she went wrong this time. You had asked a question, slightly rudely, but she had answered. Given appropriate reasoning and yet, you seem sad about it all. It was truly baffling. 

Going to school the next day was hard. You were stuck in your head all day, wanting nothing more than to climb into bed and cry alone. But that wouldn’t happen, not when it was this close to Christmas and it seemed that every other day there was a Christmas event to be attended. 

When Pedro Diaz continuously threw his rubber at you in Spanish class, you ignored him. When Maria Santiago called you a freak in gym class because you could run the 3km, you ignored her. But when Diego Cruz said your Mami and mama were going to hell, you lost it. 

You weren’t dumb, everyone around you had talked about what it was like for them being gay, the good, the bad, the ugly. You heard it all, but the stories were from when they were kids, not from now. Now is supposed to be more welcoming, more accepting, but people like Diego and his parents exist. 

Alexia, Jenni and Olga had all received the same phone call. There had been an incident at school and they were needed as soon as possible. Obviously Jenni wasn’t able to make it, but both Olga and Alexia raced there. 

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it, your Mami had bought two of her younger teammates. She was supposed to take Vicky and Jana home after they got to the training centre but she didn’t have time and they didn’t mind. 

Alexia and Olga arrived at the office at the same time. You were sitting there, hair a mess, a soon to be black eye and a bite mark on your arm. 

“Mari? What happened?” Alexia crouched down in front of you, hands on your knees. Just as you were about to reply, Diego and his parents walked out of the office. He looked a lot worse than you did. A blood nose that had dripped down onto his shirt, scratch’s around his jaw and neck, not one but two bruising eyes. 

“Ms Putellas, Ms Rios, please come in. Y/n, wait out here.” 

The tension in the office was palpable. Alexia was fuming, Olga was slightly confused but also mad, Diego’s parents look like they were ready to fight themselves. 

“There was an incident during afternoon break between your daughter and another student, Diego.” 

“An incident? That’s what you’re calling this? She’s sitting out there with a black eye, and a bite mark on her!” Alexia blew up. 

“Ale.” Olga put her hand on alexia’s forearm, trying to calm her down. 

“Diego was the instigator, however, your daughter threw him up against a locker, punching him repeatedly until she was pulled off him by two teachers.” The principal let it sink in for a moment before he continued on, “I am aware of a few issues that y/n has been facing, the bullying that other-“

“I’m sorry, bullying? You’re telling me my daughter, our daughter, has been getting bullied here and you haven’t been bothered to call one of us? That’s ridiculous!” Alexia said. 

“We were told by y/n that she had spoken to you. We have sent letters home, tried to call you and Jennifer. I must tell you, school isn’t the only place she’s been getting bullied. Y/n told the guidance councillor that at football she gets bullied too.“ 

When the words registered in Alexia’s head, she felt like she failed. Failed you as a mother, a person. You were getting bullied at school and football and she didn’t notice. 

“Where do we go from here?” Olga spoke up, noticing the battle her girlfriend was currently going through. 

“The school has a zero tolerance for violence, while Diego has been bullying her, and he will be dealt with, y/n was also apart of this fight so unfortunately I have no choice but to suspend her for the rest of the week.” 

“A suspension! No that’s not fair on her!” 

“I’m sorry. My hands are tied. I suggest you take her home, and have a conversation with her. We can’t do much more than what we are already doing. If you get anymore names, or it’s via social media, we can take further action but for now this is the only option.” 

When Alexia walked straight out of the office without saying anything to you, you knew you were in trouble. Olga gave you a sympathetic smile before motioning for you to get up. 

The car ride home was quiet. Your Mami hadn’t arrived back yet since she had to drop the girls off. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

“Not really.”

“Your Mami is going to ask, probably in a not nice way.” 

“She’ll be mad. Mad that I didn’t tell her, that I’m not strong like her.” 

“Mari, you’re strong. You’re so strong!” 

“No im not! Otherwise this wouldn’t have happened! I’m not like them, like you!” You yelled. Trying to get her to understand. “Mami and mama are world class athletes, you’re smart and pretty but I’m- I’m just me.” 

“You’re smart, you’re pretty. Sure they are world class athletes but it took them a while to get there, it doesn’t happen over night. You need to train-“

“I don’t want to train! I don’t want to play. I do it because of them Olga. Because of who they are. Everybody tells me how different I am, how I won’t be as good or amount to them. I just want to be enough!”

Olga pulled you into a hug, holding you tightly as you cried into her. Alexia could be obvious to some things, and this was clearly one of those things. 

After a while she coaxed you out of the hug, putting her hands on your cheeks and wiping away the tears, “can you tell me what he said to you? I know you, and I know you wouldn’t just hit someone for no reason.” 

“Him and his friends say stuff all the time. I don’t usually respond, and today I didn’t. I guess it just made him angrier. He said.” You took a deep breath, knowing that it would hurt Olga’s feelings as much as it hurt yours, “he said you, Mami and mama were going to hell because you were filthy lesbians, he said something else and so did all his friends. I ignored him and when I went past he pulled my ponytail. I just lost it.” 

You heard Olga have a sharp inhale of breath and then pull you towards the couch. For a while you both just sat there, Oga never letting up on the hold she had. When the front door sounded from Alexia getting home, Olga pulled you up and told you to go shower, needing to have a conversation with alexia. 

“Amor? Mari? I’m back.” Alexia kicked her shoes off, throwing her keys into the bowl. She knew a conversation was needed but to be honest, she didn’t have the energy. 

“Ale.” Olga all but threw herself into her girlfriend’s arms. 

“Woah, what happened?” 

“They say horrible things to her ale and she doesn’t even do anything.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“She told me all about it. Everything they say at football, at school, everything.” 

Alexia pulled Olga through to her room, wanting to know everything that was said. It took a while for alexia to understand why Olga was upset but once she did, she was equally upset. 

You had showered, thrown your clothes in the hamper and unpacked your bag. You looked towards your mami and Olga’s room for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour. You knew what you did was wrong, incredibly wrong but after spending the last year being constantly picked on, it got to you. 

It was dark by the time they emerged from their room. Both in different clothes and with damp hair. 

“I’m going to order dinner.” Olga said as she headed toward the kitchen. 

“Marquita, I need to talk to you.” You nodded, tucking your legs into your chest, scared about the outcome of what is to come. “Olga told me what you said. Do you have anything to add?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re sorry?” 

“Yeah I’m sorry. I thought, I thought I could handle it, that I was strong enough like you and mama but when he pulled my hair I just got so angry. They always say things about you and mama but this time they were talking about Olga too.”

“Olga also said you didn’t like football, why don’t you tell me? Or mama? We wouldn’t have forced you to play.” 

“Because you’re the Alexia Putellas. Imagine what people would say and think if I didn’t play.” 

“I don’t care about what people think or say, what I care about is your happiness, you aren’t happy at school or at football. I’ve spoken to your mama, we will change your school and remove you from football.” 

“Are you mad at me?” 

“No! I’m sad for you, I’m sad you didn’t tell me what was going on, I’m mad at those boys and their parents, and at the principal.” 

“I was embarrassed. You and mama are able to ignore everything negative people say and I thought I could do the same.” 

“But we can’t.” You gave her a confused look, “since the World Cup, mama has been getting extra mean comments and messages on social media, I have too but not to the same extent. It affects her, it affects me, Olga gets them too. The way we get through it is because we know they are wrong. If two girls want to love each then they can, if two boys want to they can, a boy and a girl? They can. If Jenni and I want to have a family, we can and we did. If Olga and I want too, we can. No one is allowed to tell you or anyone else who they can and can’t love.” 

“You and Olga are going to have a baby?” 

“That’s all you got out of that?” Alexia laughed, “maybe, do you want a baby brother or sister?” 

You launched yourself at your mami, “yes! Both! Twins!” 

You were grateful for Olga, the act of telling you mami what had happened seemed like a ginormous task, she made it easier. The more you thought about it, Olga made a lot of things easier. When she was home things ran smoothly, but when she was gone it was like a missing puzzle piece. 

As the night drew to a close, you had to call your mama in Mexico. Mami had already told her everything that had happened, so when you two spoke over FaceTime she promised she also wasn’t mad, when the next school holidays were on, you’d fly to Mexico and spend the week with her. 

Over the course of the winter break, you and Olga were able to spend more time together. She shared her life story, including the times as a rowdy teenager. She took you shopping for your new school uniform and even bought your first set of makeup. 

While you were sad to be leaving the friends you had made, you were glad to be in a new school, a school where you would hopefully be okay. 

[precure1ove]

Raison d’être

summary : meaning ; “ A reason for existing “  bickering like a married couple with ace

character : ace trappola

warnings : established relationship, aged up, bickering, insults, typical married couple, slight angst, y'all love each other trust, dialogue heavy?

a/n : i saw a tiktok about old married couples arguing and i just imagined ace having that type of relationship so thats how this fic was written

“ move, you're on my side of the couch “

Ace doesn’t even blink at your words, his eyes finding the show he’s watching much more entertaining than coming face to face with that awful frown he’s sure you have on right now. He shifts on the couch, as if looking for something.

An exasperated sigh escapes your mouth, you already know what he's planning, since you both have said the same sentence about a gazillion times already.

Ace turns back, feigned shock present on his face, “ oh no babe.. it seems I can't find your name on this specific spot on the couch! “, he lifts a hand up to ruffle his hair, acting bashful that opposes the mischievous gleam you know too well.

“Perhaps next time “-oh boy here it comes- “you should've sat down here first.” Perhaps now it's best to call up your old friends and complain as to why they allowed you to even set eyes on this man and believe him to be a good partner for the future. 

Again. For the 100th time.

So you follow their wonderful and thoughtful advice and go to whack Ace harshly his head, a harsh ‘OW’ following behind it, Ace scowls up at you, caressing the bruised spot while shuffling away from your spot, mumbling ill mouthed words and something along the lines of ‘could've asked nicely…’

‘ Score to me ‘ you think to yourself, settling comfortably in the victor's spot, your eyes drawn to the tv still playing on in the background, “ what are we watching?”

“Don't you mean what am I watching?” Despite the bitterness he felt after losing and you're cheating, he rests an arm on his cheek and goes into a lengthy ramble about the show, something about a Victorian boy making a contract with a demon. 

arguing in a shop aisle

As people scutter, they all watch curiously and awkwardly at the sight of you and Ace having a heated argument in the middle of the treats aisle, thoughts of ‘ it may be the end for them ‘ and’ I hope they can make it work ‘ pass by .

“ Ace, I am not getting the limited edition basketball treats just because you have that slim chance of getting your favourite player. Just get the regular ones which we agreed on !”

 You point an accusing finger at him, holding onto the original box of the treats you usually get, Ace looks back at you horrified and (rightfully he may add) offended at your words.

 Clutching the limited box in his arms.

 “ How can you even say such a thing?! It's not all about my favourite- which I know is in here- but have you read the flavour, it's cherry duh? The best thing in the world! “

He exclaims like it was a known fact -taunting you to retort back- a typical push and pull situation you both engage in. Your hands clench against the box, it was so Ace to always be whisked away by over the top advertising, honestly you expected more from him especially by how blunt he can be.

 His one working brain cell must have been taken over by all the stupid ones.

“We have a specific budget since we're saving to finally visit friends abroad and you want to throw all that away so i can listen to you groan about not getting the card you want and cherries?” You huff, shoving the regular box into the shopping cart, storming off to the checkout, not before adding on a “pay for it yourself”.

Ace watched your figure grow distant, frustration meddling with his head alongside guilt. You two have both been looking forward to that trip, he looks back at the shelf where the limited boxes were, face cringing up at the price as he places the box back. 

Trudging along aisles, a constant 'ignore that, ignore that' repeats in his mind at the many limited items, passing by the checkout area after (disappointingly) not finding you there, Ace has a grim thought of what if you did finally leave him, his legs seem to move quicker at that.

Memorising the way to where you parked the car, Ace sighs in relief to see you sitting in there on your phone. You leaving.. What a ridiculous thought, you and his mind must be teaming up against him to let him think that. 

Noticing Ace opening the car door, a slight acknowledgement that he isn't carrying the limited edition treats, a small smile welcomes itself on your face at that. The silence was also welcomed for a few seconds until Ace goes into a tangent of you leaving him and how it wasn't very romantic of you to do that.

The smile now replaced by a frown as you start the car, replying back with your own retorts.

"take an extra jacket, it's cold out." "Okay, mom."

You stare at Ace sternly, he calls this look ‘are you fucking serious’, one of his many favourite expressions you have. You both stood in the hallway, shoes and coats surrounding you while outside snow floated cautiously outside, the heated but stupid argument you might have soon would melt any ice.

“On second thought maybe you shouldn't take an extra jacket, you finally shut up when you're sick.”

You held back the extra jacket close to your chest, the prospect of Ace being quiet is a reward itself for all the years you’ve put up(read; been in a relationship) with him. “ Now you're sounding like my brother, going through the family tree quickly aren't you” Ace looks at you mischievously, wrapping a scarf around your neck while you straighten out his collar.

It’s the little moments that happen in between every insult, moments like these which remind you both that each still cares about each other.

“You’re brother huh? Maybe I should've gone with him, sounds like a smart guy.” You retort, an impish grin on your face as you pass the jacket to him, Ace rolls his eyes, zipping up the jacket, snorting at your word.

“Yeah right, we both know you hate him and I can't argue with you for that- remember at our wedding when he insulted me, you had a full on go at him for that!”

A look of adoration was shown on his face, quickly replaced by a gloved finger jabbing against your cheeks, “you were so cute back then now you're just mean,” he pouts.

Wafting his finger away, you sneer up at him “Pot calling the kettle black, i can't believe i actually thought you were pleasant to be around.” Shuffling on your boots, the two of you retreat out into the cold, hands meeting halfway as if it was natural.

“Excuse you, I am still pleasant to be around, otherwise you wouldn't have stuck around for 7 years.” He waves your conjoined hands in the air, winking at you coyly.

You sigh, immune to his antics by now (though others would disagree), Ace has always used the marriage card as an advantage in arguments or casual conversations, however, it was nice he still kept count.

“You trapped me with stupidly charming vows, how was i supposed to say no."

"So you still think I'm charming?"

"I hate you." (I love you)

"I hate you too." (I love you too)

likes and reblogs appreciated !

masterlist⠀ — ⠀ request here

[casualaruanienjoyer]

What jobs could AOT characters have? 🌻

Ahhhhh I love this one! LET'S GO!

What jobs could AOT characters have?

Eren: He strikes me as someone who changes jobs often. He'd get bored of one activity pretty quickly. To him, his job is just a way to earn some money that he can use to have fun with his friends. Pensions who, am I right?

Mikasa: Kindergarten carer. Her motherly personality is perfect for this, and she loves kids so much. The kids also love being lifted high up in the air so they often use Mikasa as a seesaw.

Armin: Teacher, most likely geography. He's the type to travel the world and teach in different countries. This lifestyle allows him to learn more about local cultures, languages and traditions. It fascinates him!

Annie: Traveling the world with Armin means finding work can be quite tough unless you know the language. When she can, she will work as a bartender. She quite enjoys mixing drinks and listening to people's life stories. She gets fired pretty often for her lack of customer service etiquette though.

Jean: Corporate job. He wanted to be an artist but didn't quite try hard enough, so now he's stuck between grey walls that drive him insane. The pay is good thankfully, so in his spare time he can afford luxurious trips and dinners. Reiner often encourages him to keep working towards his dream of becoming an artist and even offers to pose for Jean to draw.

Reiner: Counsellor. He likes being able to help people get over their troubles just like he did with his own. It's not an easy job but it's very rewarding when successful. Though, sometimes he ends up being the patient while Jean listens to him complain about his life. Or Pieck... or Annie... or...

Connie: Personal trainer. This dude will get you into the exact shape that you want. It's so hard to keep up with him, he's way faster than you. More agile, more flexible. How the hell does he bend like that? One day you try to do the same, but you end up in hospital. Don't worry, Connie has insurance.

Sasha: Camp instructor! Loves organizing all sorts of activities with kids and teens including archery, canoeing, climbing, hiking. She loves being in nature. The only thing she hates about this job is the horror story time around the campfire.

Pieck: Work? Pieck? Nah! If anyone's got some sort of sugar daddy, it would be Pieck. She lives incredibly comfortably for someone who appears to be both single and unemployed. Ah, the joys of being both incredibly beautiful and incredibly devilish.

Falco and Gabi: They are still young, so the best they could do is work over the summer at a theme park. The pay is shit but the location is amazing and they get to ride for free!

Yelena: Lawyer. Like, we all know Yelena. It's better to have her on your side than be against her. And it's even better if she's your lawyer. You could get away with almost anything! Right??

Zeke: Baseball instructor. He trains the local team and is known as one of the best players in the area. Now he uses his time to help kids learn how to play. Legend says Zeke can throw a ball so far away that some are still stuck orbiting around Earth.

Onyankopon: Pilot. Passengers usually take a liking to him. He's so charismatic and friendly. He enjoys making jokes over the radio with the other members of the crew. The amazing views is what he loves the most about his job. And the free snacks.

Levi and Hange: This man's in no shape to do any kind of physical work right now, but instead aids Hange with her job. She owns a private Pathology clinic. How does Levi help, exactly? Well he makes sure she stays hydrated and does her taxes. Basically a secretary of some sorts. He even has a cute nameplate on his desk.

[utilitycaster]

I think something important to remember in actual play is that character backstory is neither an itinerary for the GM to follow nor a to-do list for the player to check off, but rather a means to provide context for the character's motivations, how they got to where they are now, and how they will respond to whatever comes up. It's not a scripted work, so you can't just make a character follow a specific arc.

It's an extension of something I've said before, that creating characters outside the context of a specific D&D game has never really made sense to me because the GM's direction should be integral to your character creation. At best you can have a very loose concept that you drastically expand upon to fit a particular game. If you're about to play Curse of Strahd, for example, you aren't going to be exploring a complex personal history in Candlekeep. You can certainly be informed by a complex personal history in Candlekeep, and quite honestly should be informed by some kind of complex personal history somewhere! But in the game, you're going to be going into Barovia and dealing with Strahd. And you made a character based in Candlekeep because your GM said "we're playing in the Forgotten Realms". Your character is in that context as well: someone who'd have reason to go to Barovia, from the world in which Barovia exists.

Unsurprisingly, I'm talking about this because of Critical Role Campaign 3, and look, if I am wrong about what I say in this paragraph please feel free to bring up this post and say "you were wrong" but I just do not think this campaign is ever going to not be about the moon and the gods. I think there's ways it could have been about those things and still have had room for more downtime or personal excursions. I think that "pulpier and deadlier" wasn't wrong, but perhaps the cast could have benefited from more guidance in the same way that "this campaign is going to be spookier and deadlier" would not necessarily be a good way to tell your players that they're going to be playing Curse of Strahd, but it is what it is. That doesn't mean character backstories won't be explored (and honestly, I think they've all had at least a moment in the sun) but it isn't the focus, it's never really been the focus, and speaking only for myself that's been apparent for, at minimum, nearly 18 months.

It also doesn't mean you have to like it, nor that you can't complain. But there's always been hanging threads or unexplored elements. There's the obvious limitations of Pike's story given that Ashley was unable to be at the table much of the time, but we never really went deep into Scanlan's parents - and we didn't have to, because the purpose of Scanlan's mother being killed by goblins wasn't "we're going to avenge her"; it was to explain why he'd become a wandering bard and to inform how Sam played him. The Robert Sharpe plot for Jester never got much play because really, it was mostly as an establishing character moment and the reason why she left Nicodranas, not something that needed an extensive arc (nor something Laura seemed terribly interested in pursuing). We've never met Sabian or Tori; the twins never went back to Byroden during the campaign; Keyleth didn't find Vilya herself; Percy ended the campaign still with a lot of damage.

Which brings me to the final point which is that as anyone who's played a character-centric, GM-ed, longform advancement-style TTRPG should hopefully know, if there is a disconnect with what you as a player want to explore and with what your GM wants to play, and it's not in conflict with what was made clear from the start (ie, you didn't show up to the game the GM said would be Curse of Strahd and get mad that it was Curse of Strahd) it is the responsibility of the player to signal both in and out of game that this is something they want. If they don't, the GM will not know. But also, if you're wishing your favorite C3 character's backstory was explored in more depth, that character exists within the context of the moon plot. That is a part of who they are; they've grown around that plot and extricating them from it would necessarily destroy parts of them. You can tell a butterfly effect story, certainly, in which things were different, but that's ultimately fanfiction and neither a theory nor what should have happened nor is it an injustice to the character that it didn't happen. It's just what you wanted to have happened.

[nicohischierz]

it’s a small world: jamie drysdale 

“are you still watching that video?” jamie groaned as he cuddled up next to you. the two of you were currently at your apartment, trying to decide where to spend the offseason. 

the two of you had started dating towards the start of the new season and seeing as the relationship was sill new and given the amount of media attention you got, the two of you decided not to tell anyone. 

you just smiled at your boyfriend and leaned in to kiss him. “of course, i’m still watching it jimmy. i told you how good you looked before you left,” you watched as blush covered jamie’s cheeks 

he nuzzled his face into your stomach before his phone started ringing. “jamie, it’s your boyfriend,” you teased. although you’ve never met jamie’s roommate, you’d seen the contact many times to start the joke. 

jamie faked a laugh and answered his phone. “what do you want trevor?” he asked putting his friend on speaker.

“dude where are you? you’ve been gone for almost the whole day,” trevor complained on the other end. jamie rolled his eyes as he listened to his best friend complain.

you just smiled and kissed his neck, causing him to blush. “uh z i’m gonna have to call you back,” jamie murmured ending the call.

“baby, why did you do that?” he asked holding you at arms length. you gave him an innocent smile and kissed his lips.

you were leaving to michigan in the morning. your cousins were back at their lake house and this summer you were finally free to be with them.

jamie was joining you in a month once he was done with physio. your boyfriend nuzzled his face into you neck again before you pushed him away.

“you need to go home jimmy. i’ve got to finish packing and i’ll see you in a month,” you whispered. jamie nodded and gave you a kiss before heading out of your house.

in the month you spent away with jamie, he had attended his brother’s graduation and you had remembered why you avoided hanging out with your cousins and their friends.

at first, you thought it would just be you and your cousins but they invited their friends earlier than expected. you were introduced to some of luke’s new teammates as well as jack’s old ntdp friends. 

you’d met alex and cole before but trevor was a new face. and the second you heard his voice you froze slightly. “y/n/n, this is trevor he plays for the anaheim ducks,”

trevor stuck his hand out and shook your hand “i’ve seen you at some of our games!” he exclaimed. you smiled politely at him before grabbing onto quinn’s arm and dragging him to your room. 

“what is your problem?” he asked. 

immediately, you pulled up your phone and changed your lock screen to a picture of you and jamie. your older cousin burst out in laughter before looking at you. “you’re shitting me right?” 

you shook your head at his question which made him groan. quinn knew more about your boyfriend than jack and luke meaning he knew you were dating a hockey player but you would never spill any other detail. 

“no quinn i’m not shitting you. look i know it’s not like a big deal or anything but i don’t want jack to flip cause i’m dating a hockey player,” you explained. 

quinn placed his hands on your shoulders “if you love him then i don’t think jack cares who you’re dating. also, it’s not like he really gets a say in your love life,” you knew you could always trust quinn to help you, which is why you told him first. 

the day jamie arrived, you snuck out of the house and drove to the airport before any of the boys could ask to join you. the ride from the airport to the lake house would be the only alone time you’d get with your boyfriend for the rest of his stay. 

“jamie, you know how i mentioned my cousins like hockey,” you started. 

jamie nodded, “yeah i remember, do they know who i am?” 

“umm, you could say that. look if i’m being completely honest they know a lot of people in the league.” 

you looked to jamie briefly, your boyfriend looking at you with a puzzled look.

“have you heard of this family, they have three brothers all drafted in the first round. two of them drafted to the same team and the other brother out in canada?” you asked, describing your cousins. 

it took a minute for your boyfriend to register what you were saying before his eyes widened. 

“you’re related to the hughes brother!” he exclaimed. 

you nodded and sucked in a breath as you made the final turn to the lake house. jamie got down and took in the house whilst mentally preparing himself to meet the most important people in your life. 

the two of you heard yelling from inside the house before trevor and jack opened the front door.

“jamie, what are you doing here?” trevor asked. 

your boyfriend didn’t know what to say as he spun around looking for you before pointing to where you were. luke, being the tallest, made his way over to jamie and looked him suspiciously. 

your younger cousin then glanced at you and put the pieces together. “you’re kidding right?” he asked. 

jack and trevor made noises of confusion as you handed jamie the last of his luggage. as an instinct jamie leaned down and kissed your lips, which made the two former teammates shut up. 

“no way,” 

“when did this happen?”

“jimmy can pull?” 

“hi y/n!” 

jack, trevor, alex and cole exclaimed as they stood in the driveway. 

you and jamie shrugged. “i think it was last year when we were at stage coach,” jamie answered trevor. 

jack and trevor were still asking questions whilst you and jamie ignored them shutting your room door in their face. 

[sdmnpact]

˗ˏˋHow Harry met Y/N ˎˊ˗

Part 4

Harry: [12:37] Well next time, I'll be there and win because I'm the biggest brain in the lobby!"

Y/N: [12:38] clearly not but sure I believe in you 💀

Harry and I have been texting and calling eachother for the last couple of days since we last saw each other. He's been busy so we haven't had another chance to meet up but he made up for it by constantly texting me about literally everything. I think he just finds the opportunity to text me whatever is on his mind at any point of the day. I'm not complaining though, he is super funny and always brings interesting topics. Currently he is taking about the latest Sidemen Amongus video that he wasn't in. He thinks that he's the best player after Simon said he was better than Josh. I've been watching their Amongus videos because he told me to and I say he's a hit or miss but he's alright.

He actually asked me if I wanted to join a lobby in the future. I don't really post gaming to my channel but it could be nice to do something different. Usually I post makeup tutorials, mini vlogs, trying clothes from different websites- that sort of stuff. I actually do like playing video games but I never have people to play with since Jules isn't into them and Tom is always busy.

Anyways, I'm about to head out on a little shopping date with Jules since I want to buy some stuff for a video and we decided to make it a whole girls day. I haven't texted Jules much because every free chance I get, I am texting Harry. It's like we're two preteens that can't be apart for more than 2 seconds but sometimes the conversation is just that good.

Like he's been sending me memes and videos of his friends and telling me about them. He told me he wants me to come around to a sidemen shoot so I can meet the other boys. Do I have the will to meet more people? Not really but maybe it will be fun.

~~~

Once Jules arrived, I said my goodbye to Leroy as he was playing on his cat house with his favorite toy. We made our way out to Jules' car and began our trip to the shopping centre.

"So, anything new happen in the world of Harry and y/n!?" She asked looking at the road but giving me a little smirk. "Nothing so far, I mean we've barely been out once. He did invite me to hang out with him and his mates but I dont know. I don't want to hang out with a bunch of guys." I said looking out the window. It's a very cloudy day but this type of weather is so comforting.

"Well maybe their girlfriends will be there. You said most of them have girls."

"Yeah but now I have to meet a bunch of new people and.." I trailed off. I'm not exactly a people person. Like it's fine when it's a small group but a whole team in one afternoon is crazy. Not just that but they've been friends for a while and their girlfriends are all friends so they already have that sort of bond going. I feel I'll just ruin the vibe. "Exactly! Meet new people!! You can't stay in your little bubble forever!" She's right, she's always right. That is why I love her. She is always there for me and helps me get out of my slum all the time. I think I would be a recluse if it wasn't for Jules.

~~~

We did some shopping at the mall, going to various stores. I bought a couple of clothes all in orange. I'm planning on making another rainbow outfit. I have a series going on right now where I create five outfits each with the colors of the rainbow. This week, is orange so I have to plan five outfits that look semi decent. We were on our way to get smoothies when I got a phone call.

It was Harry. "Whats up?" I asked once I answered. "Look behind you." What? I turned around and saw him and two other guys. I hung up as we made our way towards them. He had this adorable smile on his face and his eyes were lit up. I hugged him and waved at his friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jules looking at me with content. I don't know why but I'll make sure to ask later.

"What are you doing here!?" I asked. "Just getting some stuff that I needed. Oh uh, y/n this is George and Chris." He said gesturing towards the two guys. "And boys this is Y/N and Jules" Harry said introducing us. "Nice to meet you- wait is this the George who left you at the party that night?" Jules said pointing at George.

Harry chuckled and nodded. "Okay, in my defense, it looked like Harry was having a good time. I was gonna wake him up but you two seemed to be having a little moment going, I had to let it go on. You should be thanking me actually-"

"-OKAY GEORGE, we get it" Harry said getting red in the cheeks. "Actually I am very appreciative of that so thank you George." I told him as I looked over at Harry smiling. "Ooo" "stop it" Harry said quickly as the boys began teasing him. "So, do you want to join us, we're about to grab some food-" Harry began but was cut off by Chris. "Actually, we've got to go now, I think we're pretty much finished here, I've got a meeting and I'm sure George has something. Right George!?" Chris said nudging George. "Oh yeah, business and all that." George said.

"And I've got to go as well! I have to meet Tom at ...Tescos... so we can... buy groceries.." Jules said sounding unsure in her words. "Isn't Tom at the-" I began, getting cut off. "No no, I have to go now!" She said as she took my bags and began walking away. "I'll drop these off at your flat tomorrow!" She said as George and Chris waved bye and left behind her.

Now it was just the two of us. "Well that was weird" Harry laughed. "I'm pretty sure they just wanted us to be alone. Pretty good friends if you ask me." I said with a chuckle.

We made our ways towards the food court, and he asked what I wanted then went to get our food. I watched as he stood in line, talked to the cashier and recieved the food. He is so pretty, I don't know why I feel so much affection towards him, I just adore him. Maybe I've been out of the game so long that I wanna hook up with the first guy that gives me their attention. I think this is more than a hookup, though. I want to start something with this man.

"Here you go." He said setting down the trays of food. "Thanks" I said as we began eating. "You have something on your face." I said gesturing to the spot. He tried wiping but kept missing. "Here, let me." I grabbed a napkin and wiped. It became a moment where we just stared into each other's eyes. He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed back but pulled away after a while since we were in public. I looked at him and we both laughed. "Well that was unexpected." He chuckled.

"It was nice."

[joprompts]

chess (musical) starters. part one. *starters from the musical. adjust as necessary.

everybody's playing the game but nobody's rules are the same. nobody's on nobody's side.

all men have a weakness: his is that woman.

no one in your life is with you constantly. no one is completely on your side and though i move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide.

no one can deny that these are difficult times.

knowing i want you, knowing i love you, cannot compare to my despair, knowing i've lost you.

they're not too polite.

who needs a dream? who needs ambition? who'd be the fool in my position?

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining.

that's the problem. he's a brilliant lunatic, and you can't tell which way he'll jump. like his game, he's impossible to analyze. you can't predict him, dissect him, which of course means he's not a lunatic at all.

i've been a fool to allow dreams to become great expectations.

how can i love you so much yet make no move?

one of these days--and it won't be long--he'll know more about me than he should.

if it were love, i would give that love every second i had.

wasn't it good? wasn't he fine? isn't it madness he can't be mine?

i'm on the case, can't be fooled. any objection is overruled.

pity instead the careless mother, what she missed, what she lost when she let me go. i wonder, does she know?

pity the child who knew his parents.

if i knew from the start, why am i falling apart?

i'm not getting rich. my only interest is in something which gives me the chance of working with the best.

you have caused such grief i can't forgive this evil thing you've done.

if you walk out on me, you're really betraying your father. were he alive now he'd surely be dying of shame.

you're on nobody's side, but your own.

there will be days and nights when i'll want you more than i'll want to.

you and i, we've seen it all.

this is the one situation i wanted most to avoid.

the one i should not think of keeps rolling through my mind and i don't want to let that go!

what's going on around me is barely making sense. i need some explanations fast!

what if he saw my whole existence?

what we've just seen's a pathetic display from a man who's beginning to crack. he's afraid. he knows he isn't the player he was and he won't get it back.

once i had dreams now they're obsessions. hopes became needs. lovers possessions.

maybe it's best to love a stranger. well, that's what i've done. heaven help my heart.

who'd ever think it? such a very pretty setting. tell me what's the betting, very pretty plotting, too. no matter--i've done all your work for you.

i want to talk chess.

how'd we ever get this far before you showed me what you really are?

never lose your heart, use your head!

looking back, i could have played it differently. won a few more moments, who can tell?

not much is known of early days of chess beyond a fairly vague report.

where's daddy? dead or in the KGB?

when i was nine, i learned survival, taught myself not to care.

pity the child who twenty-five years on, finds her confidence gone!

how you've hated my success!

it's the only thing i can stay true to.

you got your tricks, good for you, but there's no gambit i don't see through.

there must be more i could achieve but i don't have the nerve to leave!

how can you let mediocrity win? you have one chance left. win for chess. you were five one up. now it's five all. get a grip.

i don't see anything outrageous about demanding what i'm worth.

chasing our hearts' desire, but we go on pretending stories like ours have happy endings.

did i plan doing all of this for the love of a man?

[crosbyism]

Next Generation’s Best | Four

An essay on generational talents, gender, and the NHL in six parts.

<Previous | Masterpost | Next>

Part Four: Long Live

The early 2000s were a chaotic time for the NHL: hockey had turned out to be a team sport after all, and while generational talents still existed, they were few and far in between. It was becoming somewhat of a consensus that the generational diva wasn’t worth it. Eric Lindros, who dramatically refused to go to the team he was drafted to, never won a Cup for the Flyers. Jagr, the best-paid player in the league, couldn’t win a Cup without Lemieux, and worse, he couldn’t save the Penguins from looming bankruptcy. He had to be begged by ownership to let them trade him: without his salary on the books, they might be able to keep the team afloat.

Curiously, Cups were being won by team efforts instead of simply the team that had the best player. Wayne Gretzky’s retirement in ‘99 had left an eerie hole in world. There were whispers of some incredible talent coming out of Europe; and in 2004, the first two overalls were both Russian— unheard of.

But Russians as cornerstone generational players? Who knows if they can hack it in the big, tough NHL. Most of them are too soft.

Right before the 2004/2005 lockout, it seems that the consensus stands: the generational player is dead. 

2005

—Wait, wait, here’s another one, might be the next big thing since Gretz, but god, isn’t he too small? I swear Gretz was taller; this guy must be smaller. He must be. Fat lips, chubby cheeks; he doesn’t look enough like a man— looks more like something you’d like to see on its knees when you get home, haha, am I right fellas?

Aren’t I right? He looks like he doesn’t hit, right? He must not. He must not have over a hundred penalty minutes as a rookie. He must not; he’s too skilled. He’s too fat-lipped. He complains to refs too much. He must not be able to hit at all. It’s been more than five years since Gretz retired, so my memory might be a little blurry, but I swear he wasn’t this small, this conflict-avoidant. Almost like a girl.

What’s his name? Sidney? Barely a man’s name; and how much he whines? May as well be a girl. Almost sounds like Cindy.

Boy, isn’t that clever enough to put on a poster.

—

Sidney Crosby’s biggest crime was debuting in the mid-2000s. I wish I was joking more than I am, but that’s the long and the short of it. Homosexuality had just about been legal long enough that it was a viable option to publicly admit to without fear of the death penalty or imprisonment. The first celebrities had come out and were living like they were normal people and not ostracised freaks. Elton John was still rich despite living with a man, and his songs still slapped. Britney was three years out from getting hounded so much by paparazzi that she would shave her hair off live on camera.

Enter Sidney Crosby, the NHL’s newest golden goose. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but he’s smaller than he should be. His hands are soft and skilled, he’s been outshining everyone since age 12 and earlier. Can see the ice like no one else. But can he really make it at that size? People suspect the game’s gonna be more physical than he can handle.

He’s… pretty. In a different way to the blond twink that walked into the oilers’ rink in 1979. Back then thin, blond and skinny was hot; Twiggy was still shaking up beauty standards. In 2005, doe-eyed brunettes with fat lips are everyone’s wet dream. Angelina Jolie is all the rage.

Hockey is televised now. it’s a big deal: Wayne Gretzky made it so. Gary Bettman used him to make it so. And Bettman wants to make the game even bigger. The easiest way to do that is to use a star player for it, the way the NBA has successfully done with the likes of Michael Jordan. Bettman needs to bring the generational player back.

The problem with that plan is he's run out of those. Gretzky’s retired; Yzerman’s about to be, and Mario Lemieux is un-retired, but hanging on by a thread. Bettman needs new blood. There’s a Russian that seems marketable too, but that doesn’t sell to the US. he needs a North American. He needs The Next One. He needs Sidney Crosby.

Sidney Crosby suffered very publicly well-known avenues of verbal abuse. I barely need to list them here. Being guilty of being drafted in the mid-2000s, he heard every type of slur on and off the ice. He sure wasn’t the first; Eric Lindros can attest to that. But he might’ve been the first to suffer at this scale. It’s a whole different type of harassment when you can use social media for it.

More than that, he had a tough time on his own team. Here was this kid whose name was held like gold in everyone’s mouths; what the fuck was this snot-nosed brat gonna do? What if he was a diva, like Lindros, or enough of a gold-digger that it could bankrupt the team, like Jagr? So the big, burly hockey bruisers that were raised in the NHL of the late nineties didn’t like Sidney Crosby very much, especially the ones who had to reckon with him being groomed into their future captain.

It all culminated in a perfect storm in terms of publicity. There’s a lot of irony in how much of a raging spitfire Sid was in his first couple of seasons. It didn’t matter a lick in anyone’s eyes, but by god did he try for them to have eat their words by calling him soft. It seemed he couldn’t do anything in a way that would stop people from talking about him like that. By which I mean:

His mouth. His ass. Too small, too soft. A whiner, like a little bitch. Too uptight. Too much of a goody two shoes. A robot. There's a stick up his ass.

They talked about him in a way that’s most succinctly summarised as: as if he were a young woman too close to the “virgin” end of the virgin-whore spectrum within the early 2000s pop culture definitions of womanhood.

And Alex Ovechkin made the perfect other end.

He didn’t go by Sasha, he went by Alex. He didn’t need a translator; he spoke English. He was loud, flashy, exuberant. He liked American cars and food and clothes. He wasn’t like the Russians that defected in the nineties.

It made for a perfect rivalry. More than that, it made for a perfect raunchy teen comedy. The slut and the virgin. In American Pie terms, Sidney Crosby kept talking about band camp and Alex Ovechkin was the hot foreign exchange student whose webcam everyone wanted to hack.

The weirdest part was that no one could stop talking about them like that.

<Previous | Masterpost | Next>

[ravennasgf]

CT: what did I do wrong pt 2

a/n: I’ve been asked to make the second part so here it is. Hope you guys enjoy

TW: implied  r@pe 

Waiting around for mum to come to the dressing room, nerves fill me with every passing minute. 

Finally a knock on the door breaks me out of my spiral

“Come in.” I call out. The door opens and in steps my mother. 

“Can we talk?” She asks 

“Wouldn’t be here if we weren’t going to,” I point out 

“Fair point,” she concedes. 

Neither of us say a word for a while until I finally have enough. 

“What do you want mum?” 

“I’m sorry y/n, I really am,”

“Really you implied that you didn’t want to be my mother anymore, do you realise how much that hurt to know that the woman who adopted you didn’t want you anymore? Do you realise how far I spiraled trying to figure out what I did to make you not want me anymore?”

“I want you y/n I always will and I’m sorry that I never said anything, you caught me off guard with that question.” 

“Well it needed to be asked with the way you treated me.”

“I should’ve realised earlier that you were feeling like this and I’m sorry I didn’t,” 

“Mum I’m not saying that I need your attention 24/7 but when I really need you to be around to have some time together because it really hurts when you don’t want to be near me at any point.”

“I promise to change this, you're so important to me y/n I don’t want to lose you. Will you come home?” She asks. I just nod my head as she brings me into her embrace. 

~~~~~ 

It’s been 12 months since mum and I sort of made up and it’s slowly but surely going back to how it was when we first argued. 

Madonna and I have finished our collaboration and are best friends according to her (not that I’m complaining). 

~~~~~

Laying on the lounge with Madonna next to me watching the first fast and furious movie. I feel my baby kick my stomach for the 10th time in half an hour. 

“Ok my little soccer player please calm down,” I laugh while Madonna chuckles 

8 months ago and was given a daughter. Even though it was not the way I’d want to bring her into the world. This little soccer player has made my life better. Madonna has been with me through all of the ups and downs not wanting me to be alone as mum didn’t want to hear the news about it when it happened which hurt so much. 

~~~~ ninth month of y/n's pregnancy 

Mums new movie, the school for good and evil comes out next week and I’m so proud of her and happy for her, even with her not living up to her word. 

My daughter will make her way into the world in about two weeks and I was nervous to say the least. But Madonna promised to be there with me which I will forever be grateful for. 

~~~~

It’s been a week since mum's movie came out. I watched it. I wished that mum would listen to me or answer my calls or messages but she doesn’t. 

As I’m sitting there thinking about it, my water breaks. 

“Donna, my water broke!” I yell up the stairs to my best friend. She runs down the stairs and helps me to the car and the hospital. 

~~~ time skip

After what felt like an eternity of labour

My daughter was brought into the world. Deciding to name her Leonora this little bundle of joy was in my arms. 

Madonna grabs my phone and takes a picture setting up a post on Instagram. 

“Here you type the caption,” she tells me. 

“Auntie Donna’s gonna hold you ok baby I’m still here,” I whisper to Nora. Madonna takes her in her arms, passing me my phone. 

‘Welcoming Leonora Louise Theron born on the 26th of October into the world. Thank you to those who have supported me through everything. Special thank you to @Madonna for being with me.’

I post it and hear a ding from Madonna’s phone. She hands me back Leonora so she can check. She opens Instagram and likes my post. 

“Y/n I couldn’t leave you on your own after what you’ve been through. You’re my best friend. I will always be there for you. And it was an honour to be here with you and seeing Leo born.”

“Oh Donna, you're the best.” 

“I’m sorry that your mum wasn’t here,”

“It’s fine I’m used to this but I’d hoped after we talked it would get better. It did for about a month and then it went back to how it was before. I’m making sure Nora doesn’t go through this.”

“You’re going to be a great mother y/n.”

“Thank you,” 

~~~ a month later

Sitting at home rocking Leonora to sleep a knock sounds on the door. I go and open it seeing my mother standing there. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask 

“When were you gonna tell me you were pregnant?”

“I tried many times actually and as usual you ignored me. I tried to tell you when I found out I was pregnant. I tried to tell you but you ignored me. I tried texting and calling and you never answered or acknowledged me. I wanted you to be there with me when she was born.”

“I’m so sorry y/n I promised that I would do better and I failed. I'm so sorry I was so distracted with the movie. And I have no excuse…” she trails off. “How did you get pregnant with Leonora?” She asks. I look at her tears in my eyes . 

“Oh y/n I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you when you tried to tell me I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you darling.” 

“Yeah well I’m used to it. I gave you a chance and you blew it. I’d hoped on all things I held dear that you would change but I was wrong and that hurt the most.”

“Y/n please give me one more chance. I want to prove to you that I love you and want to be part of your life.”

“I already gave you one and you didn’t take it.”

“Just give me one more…please,” she begs 

“Fine, for Leonora, you have a chance to be a grandmother, mess it up, you’re out of both our lives unless by some miracle you prove to me you want to be my mother again.”

“Thank you y/n. I promise to not mess this up,”

“I hope so, I love you mum, you were there for me during my hardest times when I was young and I want you to be there now. Please don’t make me regret this.”

“I promise, I love you y/n” 

“I love you too mum,” 

[huntunderironskies]

What’s your opinion of Deviants: The Renegades?

It's an absolutely fantastic game overall, I think it perfects the biggest thing that Chronicles of Darkness games try to do: emulating a very specific genre of monster media. In this case, it's obviously the "vengeful escaped lab experiment" thing and it really does a lot with it. The modularity of it means that it's super easy to go from a super gritty street level game to a globetrotting game dealing with a massive Conspiracy across the world. It's a kind of variety that's doable in other games but doesn't necessarily have the same mechanical support that Deviant gives.

(One of my "maybe I'll do this when I'm not taking several writing-intensive courses" things is trying to cross-apply its organization rules to things like werewolf packs, because IMO they work really well and it'd be nice to have one unified "big organization" system across all the games.)

All that said...I have to disagree with the popular line that it's the best introduction to Chronicles of Darkness. I love it but there's so much front-loading to the mechanics that I think you need a specific type of new player, someone who is very into mechanics and has that sort of very technical mindset where you like tinkering with numbers. My general experience is that if there's a ton of crunch thrown at a player right away, especially if they're brand new to TTRPGs, it ends up being really confusing and just trying to make a character is a bit of an affair. It takes a lot of fussing to make a character myself despite having that sort of mindset, and even then there's some frustrating moments where I can't really pull off what I want to (biggest one I can think of: I have a character where a logical consequence of her Divergence would be that she develops a specific seizure disorder...which I can't really emulate with the existing Scar rules, and that feels like an odd oversight.) It might be because I really hate book-balancing, haha. I also don't think it's quite as good of a build-any-monster system as people say it is just because of how involved it is. I wouldn't use it to make any single-arc antagonist, to put it one way.

None of this is a knock against what the game actually does, I just think people tend to advertise it wrong. If you've been playing CofD for years you probably don't have as good of an idea as you might hope for what's actually accessible to a brand new player.

Complaints aside, I can't say how happy I am that there's finally a game that can convincingly emulate a Kamen Rider in Chronicles of Darkness without using the Horror rules. Trying to come up with rules for henshin heroes (please...don't talk to me about Princess, I don't think it really emulates the entire genre and henshin heroes aren't all magical girls, no offense to people who like it) was one of my off-again on-again projects for a few years and I never could come up with anything I was happy with. I can never complain about someone beating me to the punch and doing it better than I could, less work for me. :p

Oh, that and it sounds like we'll be getting rules appropriate for playing aliens! Aliens were another thing I always wanted to see in CofD because (outside of Mirrors) they'd never done a whole lot with scifi horror until very recently. You should've seen my reaction to the Mummies on Mars setting in MtC2e, and the Visitors on a similar note.

[underwater-i-will-go]

video that roams around twt with those knobheads abusing the players really speaks volumes on how brain dead some of our "supporters" are when they had a go at maupay and holgate, two players that haven't actually played for us for well over a year.

then didn't dare to go after pickford and keane who were arguably "to blame" for the result. see i get frustration to a certain degree. travelled all the way down to london to watch a 4-0 loss. but actually verbally abusing the players that have just had a really fucking shit game is by no means the answer.

said it before and i'll gladly say it again; whether the abuse happens online or as we've just seen out in the real world, it doesn't help anyone. some harmless banter is one thing, but the way our fanbase has been targeting certain players for years now is no longer funny. so you think that player is shit, cool.

but getting your frustration out in potentially harmful ways is not it. you don't know what some of these players go through privately, for example when mcneil revealed that throughout the whole season of 22/23 he helped his partner through sickness and still turned up every week giving his best.

one of them yelled "60k a week" into a player's face. because it's all about money, right? some of our players have openly spoken about struggling mentally in the past, those "60k a week" is not fixing this.

mind you that holgate was booed as he came on against brighton. he hasn't played for us in over a year, his sheffield loan spell was a disaster as well. remember what happened to tom davies, yeah? just because a player turns up to training, goes on to play games, doesn't mean that they might not be struggling on the inside. dele alli, another example.

and then you go on to abuse them, shout their name, boo them. even if it's just online. this is NOT HELPING. it only makes it worse, if anything. it doesn't "strengthen their mentally" or "push them to do better" as i saw people comment.

we are facing a fucking injury CRISIS for fucks sake. go on then, blame dyche for the players he selects, not the players themselves who haven't been in form for a while and just want for their club to do well.

and no, i'm sorry, i will NOT let the opportunity slip by to address a big issue here.

"keane is shit, keane needs to be sold, keane is the worst player to ever wear an everton shirt" are just the nice things i read every week. and it's been like this for YEARS. you're actively targeting a player who despite everything, even when he had the opportunity to leave, stayed, trained every week, never complained about being blatantly replaced due to his form last season.(understandably so, this is football unfortunately)

a player who's been struggling mentally in the past and still is now, a player that struggles with his self esteem and one that is ... simply not a "leader" and never will be. and that's okay. remember that not everyone is a mentality monster who will be able to pick themselves back up after making mistake over mistake, some of you act as if he purposely plays bad. he is prone to error, yes. he is NOT the player he once was over at burnley or under good coaching.

STILL YOUR ABUSE IS NOT HELPING.

in the end of the day, every single player is just a human being. friendly reminder.

have you guys ever fucking LOOKED at this man. have you ever LOOKED at him after he fucks up, after his team played bad and he was part of it. have you ever LOOKED at him when he wasn't even involved in a game, during walk ins, on the bench. am i REALLY the only one.

and STILL he's out there just trying to do his fucking job knowing that no matter if he plays good or bad, the abuse will continue after he sets a foot wrong. criticism is one thing, straight up abuse is another. banter can be fun, but the halftime abuse he received against doncaster last year is not, just to mention one thing.

yes this season started bad. yes we are frustrated. but some of you really need to sit back and wait this out. i fucking hate some "supporters" more than anything.

[belmottetower]

3.09 - "I'm flattered."

Another part of my Subjectify review that I am REALLY curious for people's thoughts on. This is following on directly from the killjoy post about Sam, Jamie and the armband, and it's about the moment everyone in the room apparently clocks Jamie as queer. This was something we both immediately enjoyed, obviously, but then my co-writer came to find quite weird in a not-so-great way, and I am still in a state of "What did that even mean?" I think Nat makes good points here but I'm curious where others are at about it

‘Ted Lasso’ season 3, episode 9 in conversation: Second-best way it could’ve gone

Natalie: Sorry to crush your joy. I’m about to do it again with the whole 10% gays in the dressing room moment, another bizarre choice regarding Jamie that I am going to complain about. Obviously we follow Isaac to the boot room for a moment, but we don’t hear much there before we cut BACK to the dressing room to follow up on the team’s mood after he leaves. I had high hopes for where this was going as they try to work out what exactly just happened here. Firstly, Moe assumes that Isaac’s reaction is because he himself is gay. It’s not an unfair assumption given the circumstances, and we – and more importantly Colin – get to see how the group would react when talking about a team member being gay.

I thought this was quite a clever way to show Colin that he was safe, all that kind of thing. It’s still not exactly a coming out on his own terms that he chose to do just because he wanted, but the stage was very well set for him. Of course everyone reacts well to Isaac being gay, of course Jan has a statistic, of course Beard pointed out the implication of that statistic. And now is the moment I get to stomp all over people’s happiness again by calling out how deeply shady I found the whole Jamie moment here to be.

This one wasn’t immediate hate, it was mostly a lot of confusion, and some delight at such an absurd response and non-denial. There’s a LOT of good things I have to say about the way Jamie responded to apparently the entire room assuming he’s in the 10%. But the fact that this was the gag – that everyone’s like, “Well, Jamie, right?” Oh, this felt very bad to me after a few minutes’ consideration. I’m such a fucking Zazu and a fun vampire I know, but like, this is NOT the same as a bunch of fellow queer people being like “Wow that earring, wow, that whole vibe.” This is not “I know what you are – one of us!” from a group of people in the LGBTQI+ community. This is “I know what you are – you’re not like us” from a bunch of straight guys who clock him as Other.

What the hell was going on here? What is the joke? What is the joke within their world? Is it how he dresses? Because spoiler alert, they all dress wildly. WHY THE FUCK IS HE THE ONE THE WHOLE ROOM THINKS IS QUEER? It’s so fucking difficult, because as a queer person I DO think he is queer. He feels like the MOST queer-coded player on the team to me and he always has. He is a CLASSIC bisexual disaster and every queer fan thinks so. So was this fan service? Is this Ted Lasso knowing that all the queer people watching the show claimed Jamie immediately and gave us a little nod to say “Sure, we get it!” Because fam, that does not come across the same way when it’s a group of straight footballers being like “Oh yeah, I always thought Jamie was a bit gay, bruv.” WHAT WAS THIS ABOUT, MEGAN?

It genuinely kind of concerns me that they’ve decided to be like “Oh, he’s clockable,” but in a straight guy “Oh well obviously he’s not one of us, the fruit” way. No one in that dressing room is thinking it that meanly, but like, what? Even Ted? Just… us as the queer audience clocking him is not the same at all as a bunch of straight dudes clocking him! For their presumed assumptions of what makes someone queer! What was the reason? Floral tracksuits? Hearing his dad call him a pussy? Of course my first reaction was like “WELL, NOT A NO!” and I’m also so thrilled he would say that even if straight, like it’s a compliment, given how his dad acts about him being soft. The fact he acted like that as opposed to being like “Fuck off, not me!” is beautiful. But WHAT THE FUCK, GREYHOUNDS?

Megan: Firstly, I respect and love you and your Zazu-ness. Or perhaps your Babs-ness, for an in-show reference. But yeah, look. Nearly every single person who I talk to about Ted Lasso sees Jamie and thinks “that is not a straight man,” but nearly every single person I talk to about Ted Lasso is also not, themselves, straight. So we are looking at Jamie, and seeing things about him – whether it’s tropes or style or behaviour – and thinking “Oh yeah. I see you. I recognise you. You are me.” But it is very different for a bunch of sports bros to look at Jamie and, with whatever well-meaning possibly internalised stereotypes they have, thinking “Oh yeah, Jamie’s the other one.”

I think this is probably meant to be fan service. That, as you say, it is meant to be an acknowledgement of the fact that so many queer fans who watch this have claimed Jamie as our own. We know that some involved know about this. Phil has spoken about Jamie and Roy it A LOT, and liked a comment on his instagram that said Jamie should get a boyfriend in season 3. I think that is what they are intending to show with this – “hey, we heard you, wink wink!” – and I think people who do have that valid read of Jamie loved it, especially because Jamie does not deny it! But when you dig a little deeper, the implications are not so good. Why you always gotta make me dig a little deeper, Babs? I mean Nat.

Natalie: Look, reductive as it may sound, them – them being the team, Ted and Beard, all of them thinking he’s queer because – what? He has an earring? He gets his eyebrows threaded? I literally don’t know! – is NOT the same as us thinking he’s queer. Like with us it’s the call is coming from inside the house. If he is NOT in fact actually going to be confirmed as bi, this is just a bunch of footballers being like “Well that guy feels gay to us for reasons.” WHAT REASONS? Because he’s very obviously been demonstrably into women!

Megan: And they don’t mean it in a negative or nasty way! But it would be based on the way he acts or dresses. I mean technically there are probably 25-odd people in the room. So 10% would be 2.5. We know about Colin and Trent. Maybe they’re thinking Jamie is bi and the .5. Maybe I’m overthinking it.

Natalie: Yeah, but no one here is saying the word queer or bisexual, no, someone else in this room is probably gay, and it’s probably Jamie! I mean maybe they all think he’s in love with Roy, because the way he acts about Roy is loud and embarrassing. Or maybe he’s always saying things about men being fit, casually, without meaning much by it. But we have never seen anything like that happen. We have to judge it on what they’ve shown us. Maybe this is because Isaac also wore a pink tracksuit and they currently think Isaac is gay and Jamie also wore a pink tracksuit.

Megan: It’s probably the Roy thing. Maybe they don’t think he’s realised it himself yet and they’re all staring at him waiting for him to do a realisation face about how him being obsessed with Roy makes him queer. One 3 second scene and two words have driven us mad.

Natalie: SO many people are DELIGHTED by this, like “Hahahahah they all know Jamie is queer!” and I’m just like…. “Okay, this feels very bad to me!” Even though I absolutely think he is queer! I think it’s a great response from him, given absolutely everything we know about him and his baggage with a toxic father. Jamie has done nothing wrong here. It’s just an INSANE implication from the other guys. And if it’s going nowhere, I also do not like to be pandered to. If Ted Lasso is doing fan service, like “We know you all think he’s queer, so here you go, a moment that acknowledges that maybe he does have a vibe like that, even though we don’t actually think he is,” they can keep it.

Maybe I’m not giving them enough trust, and next week he will just try to snog Roy because he can’t contain his feelings after his England call up. But if I was a footballer in the closet and the whole dressing room was like “We think you’re gay,” like. It’s not great! I would really like to know what the stereotypes are about him that mean these straight dudes who apparently haven’t clocked TRENT think this about him! Because yes, he may have expressed things! But we never saw those things. We only have like… what. Hair? Clothes? Vibes? Like what the hell did the GA think of that moment?

Megan: Especially if I was a footballer with James Tartt as a father!

Natalie: And especially if my COACHES were in on it! Look I have to move on from this, it’s so fucking weird. It’s so weird that all of this happens. And what’s weirder is that after all that, Colin steps up to clarify that no, Isaac isn’t gay… He is. Except we don’t see any of what he actually says because Ted Lasso decided that cutting away from Colin and only coming back to him in the aftermath was some sort of subversive way of doing his coming out. Instead of hearing what he has to say, and how he chooses to express himself, what parts he tells about his story or what happened with him and Isaac, we just cut back to Isaac and Roy – which is a very important scene, but like…They really think they did something here, cutting Colin. I think they thought it was meant to be powerful. It was not.

Megan: This is the moment for me which, unlike the other two you’ve flagged, I had an instant dislike of.

‘Ted Lasso’ season 3, episode 9 in conversation: Second-best way it could’ve gone

[scorbleeo]

Book Chat: Foolish Puckboy

Puckboys (Book 4) by Eden Finley and Saxon James

Source: Google Images

ALEKS

After my divorce, I’m ready to have fun, date around, and not get into anything serious. Then I meet Gabe Crosby, superhero firefighter and a disgrace to the Crosby name. He doesn’t even like hockey!

Yet, there’s a draw to him I can’t deny—something I haven’t felt since my teens. But that’s the problem. I have no idea what dating is like, let alone how to do it with another man. He makes me flakey and nervous, and I’ve never been that guy.

Gabe turns me inside out and upside down in the best possible ways. I only recently became single, but if I continue to chase after him, I might not stay that way for long.

GABE

When I meet Aleksander Emerson during an emergency call-out, there are three things that catch my attention: his sexy tattoos, his kind eyes, and his drunken offer to have my babies.

He’s new to Seattle and recently divorced, so I take him under my wing–and under my sheets. I’m showing him what the world of hookups is like, only those hookups turn into sleepovers and dates and public displays of jealousy.

Aleks is in his casual era, and I’m working my way toward settling down and starting a family. What the two of us have is fun, but not a good idea permanently.

Too bad Aleks has already set my life on fire.

Source: Goodreads (2023)

This Was A Really Fun Read

Compared to the other books in the Puckboys series, Foolish Puckboy is the most different one. Every other Puckboy couple consist of two people related to ice hockey while this consists of one ice hockey player and one fireman. I don't know about you but having something so different in the middle of a series is like a breath of fresh air, perhaps why I had such a good time with this book.

Seriously though, Foolish Puckboy started out with a bang, it was absolutely hilarious. The writing was beyond entertaining, I laughed so much. And if not for that introduction, I probably would not have liked Gabe and Sanden that fast as well. However, the pacing for this book was a little slower than the others. This is not a complain but because of the slower pacing, it made the book lack something. I did not realise what it was lacking until I neared the end. You have to know first, I am someone who hates redundant drama that does not add anything to the story's plot, character development or world building. Unfortunately, with the plot Foolish Puckboy has, this could have gotten away with a bigger drama or more dramas.

Let me explain why I would have let it slide if the authors included a bigger or more dramas with Aleks and Gabe's relationship. These two have pretty solid communication but they usually only start communicating about their problems after a small stumble which by no means meant miscommunication. With how their communication was written, Foolish Puckboy really could have been forgiven for at least one huge drama. And because Aleks and Gabe are who they are, a third-act breakup will never happen, technically speaking, that third-act separation scene already happened way before they became a thing.

That being said, I still really liked this book even though the lack of drama kind of made this book a little mundane, because I freaking love Aleks and Gabe. I already liked Aleks back in Shameless Puckboy and Gabe, well. I like firemen.

Rating: ★★★★☆

More on the Puckboys series here: Shameless Puckboy (#3)