#well we've gotten to this point i guess lol

[prettyinpwn]

I know I'm gonna sound like a crazy old broken record... but hear me out. Lots of speculation as to the true purpose of the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com thing beneath the cut.

So... does anyone else feel like the ARG website is... odd? Like it's leading to something more coming? And before anyone screams, "Well, ackshully, Hirsch said he doesn't want to do a Season 3-"

YES. I KNOW. He said no Season 3 a million times. I was there when he told us Season 2 was it for the first time. But what he didn't say, however, was, "No more Gravity Falls anything... EVER.". Hence why we've gotten Journal 3, Lost Legends, and now The Book of Bill. Hirsch is veeerrrrry comfortable making more GF stuff.

And as someone that studied programming in college, I can tell you, this website does not seem like it was easy or cheap to make. It's effectively a single screen point and click game in a browser. Looking at the code, it seems they did use a framework called Bridgetown, lacing in looped animated MP4 files with clickable assets on top that make up the interactive elements (e.g the computer), with a lot of content made for the website itself from image files and text for each prompt a user might type. Sure, it's not the most difficult thing to program, but it's a lot more complex than, say, the searchfortheblindeye site back in the day.

That, and as someone who has worked in the corporate world, I'm sorry, but you don't pour this much effort/money into something that is just "lol cool things after product for funsies". If this was just for The Book of Bill, the smart marketing decision would have been to make the lofi album and the website, tease fans with both of them, and let them lead to an announcement of the book itself to tempt them into buying it, not the other way around. Like... Disney ain't gonna do that just out of love for fans. It's Disney, come on. They do things for money.

It's possible that Hirsch paid for it himself just for the fans, but I doubt it. Wanna know why? Because of the website's security certificate and ownership. Let's take a gander at this:

There are two odd things here. One, the range of the expiration. Most security certs last 1-2 years, at least they did at one of my previous places of employment (and we had like 50+ of them). This one expires November 7th, 2024. Odd, but maybe they only want the website up for a few months? Anyways, as an aside, everyone keep an eye out for November 7th, 2024. Could be nothing, could be something.

The other weird thing is the domain holder. Looking it up on ICANN, it gives this address:

Look that up on Google Maps, and it takes you to a company called Dun and Bradstreet. Long story short, the company does a bazillion things, but the main thing we're talking about here is:

Oh gee, Sales and Marketing. And their Sales and Marketing tools? Basically, they use data to tell companies who their audience is, so that they can market to them. Now, why would Disney care about this for a fandom for a show that's been done for almost a decade, just for a book that was released before said website (so we know they're not gathering marketing data for the book)?

Well, if I were to guess... long story short, all this stuff is a tactic to gauge who the Gravity Falls audience is now. Release the book, make some dough and fans happy, tie in a secret marketing data collection gimmick (AKA the website) using D&B as a vendor to hook the data into your CRM, send fans to a website to collect marketing data, and shabam. Now you know who the target market is all this time after.

And why in the hell would a company care about that? You tell me. Why care about who a target market is if you're not planning on marketing something to them later?

It could be that Disney is planning something similar to Gravity Falls and wants to gauge if there'd still be a market for that kind of show. Or... it could mean that Disney is planning on something more substantial related to Gravity Falls or Hirsch pitched it, and they were like, "Well, wait, let's collect data on this, first, so we'd know if it'd be a good business decision.". Not sure.

I mean, maybe I'm crazy, but doesn't this seem fishy to anyone else? If anyone else has any hypotheses as to why Hirsch and Disney have a Gravity Falls website owned by D&B, let me know, but to me... this smells... very... marketing oriented. And Hirsch doesn't seem like the guy to pour his own money into hiring an outside company to gather marketing data, that seems more up Disney's alley.

[cindersnows]

i think as viewers we find it easy to sit back and judge each character until their motivations are explained to us in detail like with purple and king and chosen. even with victim its fairly easy to guess a portion of why she is doing this. and that's partially because avam is just made to be like that so all audiences can understand it and why the characters do what they do, and also partially because it's a little difficult to do more subtle storytelling when you can only express character feelings through their body language (and the body language has to be fairly exaggerated so that everyone can understand how the character is feeling).

so then as a result when we see green falling deep into the hole of social media it's easy to scoff and judge and say come on green, do better. we see it as him just getting too cocky again- look at green with his ego and his need to seem cool, he's sucking up to people again so he can get validation. and people understand that, they're even comparing his arc to purple, but they're forgetting to actually see things from his point of view.

like yeah. green was mean to yellow! and that was a kind of assholey thing to do, agreeing with people when they say yellow didn't do much. but like people do stupid shit all the time, especially to get approval. green hearting mean comments wasn't him on his villain arc, he probably barely thought about it. haven't you ever done anything without thinking or made a joke in bad taste. honestly it's a little ironic how quick people were to jump on him when he did something kind of mean, it reminded me of actual cancel culture! fascinating shit. we really are a part of the story.

anyways green started off as the weakest. he tries his best to be good at other things, first building, then music, but for some reason whenever he does well in something his friends get jealous or upset. (he pours himself into that thing and unintentionally ignore s or snaps at his friends--- its a repeating pattern at this point). it's mostly because their competitive spirit, something which is seen in a lighthearted manner but has gotten them killed or hurt on multiple occasions and i feel like they're going to have to address that at some point. whenever green sets boundaries, they're ignored, even if cg think they're just acting in the greater good.

hell, even purple, we've barely seen them interact after s3- who's to say purple wouldn't just scoff at him as well? she's already not very experienced with actual friendships (based on the way they just expected green to brush the betrayal off in parkour, they acted more like it was a small disagreement than a full on issue), so he may just assume this is how friends are.

basically the point of this is to say, no one ever celebrates his success. obviously he's competitive with his friends too, but having been at the bottom of the group from the start, he's visibly very insecure about this stuff, and having people attempt to kick him down during every success he gets (which he works very hard for) will lead to him needing validation from elsewhere. clearly, social media is supposed to give him this.

but like someone in the community pointed out, now he's appealing to hundreds of thousands of people instead of just 5 or 6. the praise is awesome, but seeing that people still have criticism of him just makes him throw himself into his work even more. it also probably functions as a form of escapism for him; he's so busy working, editing, writing, he barely even notices that his friends are avoiding him. it's possible he's purposely using youtube as a way to ignore his gut. anyways, blue's still willing to hang out and record with him, so what's the issue? (it's not as if blue is the least confrontational of the cg lol)

i have. been in this exact position. the moment you make anything, you're looking straight at the numbers. it becomes what you think of in the morning and during the creation process. you're skimming comments for keywords--- good, bad, more, less, etc. you listen even when you don't mean to. yeah maybe the guy was a little mean about one of my friends but ultimately it's just constructive criticism! it's not like she'll see this anyway. it's fine.

and yeah green needs to stop being so obsessive but i think he deserves to break down first. like what ash said--- he expresses his negative emotions the least out of everyone, he barely takes breaks, it's going to come crashing down. and i think when cg confront him about his behaviour he deserves to yell at them for the way he gets treated. it really hurts when all you are is the butt of the joke even when they mean it in a lighthearted way. if the arc just ends with green being knocked down a peg as usual, i will be very fucking upset because he's literally already at the bottom of the ladder, what more do you want?

[swaps55]

When does Anderson realise what's going on between Sam and Kaidan?

After the Normandy goes down he glimpses into Kaidan's grief. When Kaidan starts fighting his way back after that he gets to know him better. When does the other shoe drop? He knows Sam so well, shouldn't be taking him forever ..?

This is a FANTASTIC question, and one I have given a fair amount of thought. I'd claim "spoilers!" and keep the answer close to the chest, but it'll be a hot minute before I get to it, and who knows if anyone will still be reading by that point. XD

Still, I'll put it under a spoiler for anyone who doesn't want to know.

I initially asked myself the same question: why hasn't Anderson figured this out yet?

And here's the answer I came to: Anderson is not just grieving a soldier, he's grieving a son, and I imagine he feels very alone in that grief. Plenty of people knew Commander Shepard. Not many people knew Sam. In Kaidan, Anderson has found a rare person who understands his grief. That's a powerful thing. My guess is that he wouldn't take the time to ask why or examine it very deeply - all his emotional and mental energy is going towards burying and moving on for someone he loved like his own child.

When Sam comes back, I don't think it occurs to him to ask, "why do you care so much?" when "thank god you care as much as I do," is all that really matters.

So with that said, when does he figure it out?

Originally, my answer was: he doesn't. I was going to leave it at, "he never figures it out on his own, and Sam doesn't get the chance to tell him." It was going to be a huge regret for Sam that his father figure never knew he'd found someone.

But as I've gotten deeper into Opus and deeper into Mezzo, I'm no longer happy with that. It feels like pain for the sake of pain, rather than pain that's meaningful to the narrative or to the characters.

So toss that one in the garbage. So what does happen, then? Sam and Anderson don't have a whole lot of opportunity to interact before the reapers come. When Sam is in lockup, he's not exactly going to be chatty about his fraternization history. We've already walked through that he doesn't really clock it from Kaidan, because the role Kaidan plays in Anderson's own complicated feelings for Sam's death and resurrection give him a pretty big blind spot.

My working premise, then, is that Anderson does find out, but not because he figures it out.

It's because when Kaidan gets injured on the final push, Sam pulls his helmet off and lays one on him right in front of Anderson before they say goodbye, and Anderson has a bigger "oh" moment than either Sam or Kaidan ever had, lol.

I've written a snippet of the conversation Sam and Anderson might have about it in Anderson's final moments. It's less a snippet and more of some passing dialogue in my head that I scribbled down so I wouldn't forget it:

~

"Tell me about him. About...you and him."

"What about it?"

Anderson gestures with a weak hand. "Any of it. All of it. I...missed everything, and it was right under my nose."

"No," Shepard says softly. "You didn't. It just sort of...grew up around us. Like it never started and just always...was."

"Tell me."

At first Shepard is silent. Fear strikes Anderson's heart, but then he shifts, exhale coming out like a rattle. "Ever just...meet someone, and then turn around one day and realize there is nothing you wouldn't do, no bridge you wouldn't cross, no sin you wouldn't commit...for them."

A faltering smile touches Anderson's lips as he remembers the lost boy playing in the fountain, the kid who was determined to bend physics to his will, the man who laid in a hospital bed after turning the N7 test on its head and asked if he'd done enough.

"Yes. I have."

[miss-yap-a-lot]

thoughts on the blue lock 3rd official popularity poll

So the 3rd official blue lock popularity poll came out in december, and even though I'm a little late to the party I'd like to share some interesting takeaways i've found about it!!

I think the most impressive leap we have so far is Kaiser, at number 4 with about 25k votes. Ngl it's pretty incredible seeing as he's:

The only non Japanese character to make it in the top 11 in the poll

One of the two manga only characters (along with Kurona, who's at #10)- well, he did make his debut at the end of s2 but STILL CMON GUYS

One of the only characters who hasn't been introduced in an English physical volume

Along with being one of the only 2 characters (along with kurona again) to be introduced in this past year

If he's this popular in the Japanese fandom, then he's going to blow up once Blue lock s3 and his English volume (release set in February 2025 I think) drops. Although the gap between no.

Us kaiser fans really need to get ready for a huge merch drop next year lol

Some additional commentary: I'm very surprised at nagi coming in 5th, he's been a fan favorite ever since he was introduced. I'd also been expecting him to gain more popularity thanks to the episode nagi movie we've gotten this year, which brings me to my next point: reo ranked remarkably high this poll.

Guess the fangirls were busy XD Reo and nagi are definitely ranked high, no surprise coming due to the shipping, but another surprising bit is probably chigiri being so down on the list- ngl I'd always thought he had a huge fanbase, or maybe that's because the few fans he has are��especially loud.

Isagi did it again at no. 1 with 200k votes which is INSANE, and rin follows soon after 125k which... to be expected, everyone has a thing for damaged emo boys lol

not too surprised kunigami (aka ichigo) or barou didn't rank at all here, although would've been nice if one of them made it... probably goes to show the fanbase's preference for the pretty guys XD.

the gap between no. 2 and 3 is INSANE though, i wonder if it'll change in the upcoming year now that Kaiser's getting more popular after his anime debut.

hope you enjoyed and let me know your thoughts!!

[ave-cave]

Lucy in Chapter 118: an Analysis 🫧

Hooo boy

Chapter one-eighteen. Where do I even 𝓫𝓮𝓰𝓲𝓷?

Unlike a lot of folks in this fandom (all more imaginative than I could ever hope to be), I had basically no solid predictions for this chapter (or… any chapter thus far, really, and I've been following the manga religiously since 103, so… yeah, there's a reason I'm a BSD analyst, not theorist, lmao). Needless to say, 118 is heartbreak and bombshells galore: Tanizaki and Kenji’s Ame-no-Gozen-ing, the possibility that all of those “Jun'ichirō and Naomi aren't really siblings” theories were just proven dead right, the protagonist and main villain finally meeting because it's about damn time, so on and so forth.

But because a) the fanbase is already abuzz with talk about those things + no doubt already in the process of doing them analytical justice, and b) I'm annoying, I’ve decided to dissect the ever-loving hell out of the chapter’s three most innocuous pages: this interaction between Kyōka Izumi and Lucy Maud Montgomery.

Inhales

MY GIRLS ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Does a little jig 🎶

Sorry, just had to get that out of my system

No, but seriously. We haven't heard from Kyōka since chapter 91. Three whole years; definitely too long for a character of her importance. But Lucy… Lucy’s been out of the picture since chapter 81. That’s four whole years. So in other words, two significant female characters, sidelined for ages, are back. That’s kind of huge, IMO.

Of course, we have a vague idea of what they’ve been up to. Anne's Room has been shown more than once serving as the ADA’s safe haven and base of operations, and so per the rules of AOAR, Lucy must be nearby if not inside herself. Kyōka we see in silhouette form in Anne's Room in chapter 92. But this is the first time in a hot minute we've seen either of them in the flesh, let alone gotten dialogue out of them. I nearly choked on my cereal when I turned the page and saw their faces, lol.

So then, pray tell, what does this long-awaited appearance in the flesh entail? Well…

Lucy and Kyōka:

Right off the bat, the girls are seen in Anne’s Room (where they’ve ostensibly been this whole time), standing in front of the white door (i.e., the door opposite the prison, which – unless linked to a surface in the real world – will cause those who leave through it to experience amnesia. Not relevant to the scene, just thought I should give a refresher.) The exit is blocked by rubble; the airport, as well as the surrounding buildings, have all been devastated. How to leave Anne's Room at this point is anyone’s guess.

Kyōka suggests Lucy deactivate her ability, but Lucy points out that, chances are, they'll be flattened by rubble as soon as she does. In response, Kyōka does her signature knife-unsheathing and insists, rather ominously, that they'll just have to take a gamble then. Lucy grabs her wrist and tells her to stop, and when Kyōka asks her why, she replies solemnly, “Because… if you died… it would crush him,” this followed by a picture of Atsushi’s smiling face.

YES. YES. YES.

Now THIS is what I love about Lucy and Kyōka’s dynamic.

In essence, they're rivals. Thing is, they're not your generic “two girls fighting over the same guy” rivals. Kyōka’s feelings toward Atsushi aren’t even romantically-coded.

Their shared love for Atsushi doesn’t divide them; it unites them. After all, since the Guild Aftermath arc, the “rivalry” aspect of their relationship has had almost nothing to do with him. There, they were only at each other’s throats because Kyōka didn’t like how Lucy, still angry about the Moby Dick, was treating Atsushi, and Lucy didn’t like how Kyōka was standing in the way of her talking things out properly with him.

But once a much-needed heart-to-heart was had between Atsushi and Lucy and the latter turned over a new leaf, there was no longer any reason for her and Kyōka to bicker. Kyōka didn’t have the full context of Lucy’s actions, and was thus within her rights to assume she couldn’t be trusted, but Lucy proved that she could be when she led them to the right boat.

Later on, Lucy showcased that she didn't resent Kyōka when she advocated for her, forcing Atsushi to leave her to her thoughts upon learning the truth of her parents' deaths.

The next chapter, Kyōka calls Lucy’s coffee mediocre, but Lucy herself admitted that she's not much of a barista, and so the comment is more Kyōka not mincing words than actively trying to be rude. Moreover, Lucy is offended at first, but then concedes without any real hostility.

In the Cannibalism arc, Kyōka is shown bowing politely to Lucy while enlisting her help, even if she is just following Atsushi's lead (and later does the same for Mushitarō).

Fast forward to the Sky Casino arc, Kyōka is miffed by Lucy’s hot-and-cold behavior around Atsushi, but that’s not exactly unique to her...

... and besides, they agree without resistance to work together to infiltrate the casino. In chapter 81, i.e., the last we saw of Lucy until now, the Agency reunites and Lucy encourages Kyōka to join in on the celebration.

Perhaps most notable is chapter 78. Here, the two are lumped into the same category by Ango: he recognizes them both as people who would choose Atsushi over the good of the world, and this nearly drives him to kill them on the spot for fear of what their loyalty could turn into.

In this latest chapter, however, it’s underscored that, while Lucy and Kyōka may be the same in their care for Atsushi on the surface, they’re still – at the end of the day – foil characters.

Both are orphans. Both were taken in – and subsequently exploited – by criminal organizations for their abilities. Both found their place in the story by virtue of meeting Atsushi. Both are undyingly loyal to Atsushi because of what he’s done for them. But that’s about where their similarities end.

Kyōka was introduced as a remorseful killer seeking atonement by death. Atsushi managed to save her (twice, for that matter) in the conventional hero way, cementing himself as her savior and playing into the reckless heroism by which he determines his worth.

Lucy, on the other hand, was introduced as a bitter villain who believed she was justified in lashing out. Atsushi tried, but he couldn’t save her in the traditional hero way. Only his vulnerability managed to get through to her, and if anything, Lucy saved him. This utterly subverted the philosophy by which Atsushi had begun to define both himself and his relationships.

Since then, Lucy has been trying at every turn to get Atsushi to see himself as more than just a hero. She reprimands him for his reckless heroism when she sees it. She stops him from inserting himself into other people’s plights uninvited. She confronts him when he fails to understand his relationships beyond the framework of hero and savior. Kyōka, meanwhile, has been doing more or less the opposite; she’s passively allowed Atsushi to keep playing the perpetual hero, and this wouldn’t be the first time she’s taken on his philosophy of self-sacrifice herself.

To these ends, the girls’ thought processes here are perfectly in line for them: Kyōka tries to push forward without care for what could happen to her, whereas Lucy emphasizes self-preservation.

One might perceive Lucy replying the way she does to Kyōka’s question as callous, but I don’t really think so. She isn’t saying “the only reason you shouldn’t risk your life is because it would make Atsushi sad.” She’s applying her philosophy of self-preservation to Atsushi and Kyōka at the same time. She's encouraging Kyōka to be more than just a hero by telling her to think of how it would affect Atsushi as a person if she died.

If Lucy is good at anything, it’s communicating what she wants from people in a way that she knows will get through to them. She did this with Atsushi on the Moby Dick when she bluffed about waiting on his salvation, knowing that he would be more motivated to stay alive himself if he thought there was someone counting on him to save them. Here, she communicates with Kyōka in a way that highlights the reason they get along; the reason they’re both here in the first place. And if the way Kyōka resheathes her knife without a word is any indication, it works.

Lucy knows that she and Atsushi are close, but she knows that Kyōka and Atsushi are closer; losing her would be the last straw for him. She recognizes their relationship as something beyond hero and savior, something precious. This is nothing out-of-character; to the contrary, it’s in keeping with who she’s been all along. All that’s different now is she’s acknowledging it out loud.

Lucy and Atsushi:

When Lucy pictures Atsushi in her mind’s eye, she sees the spirit that would undoubtedly be broken if he were to lose Kyōka. This in and of itself is heartbreaking, but when you consider the greater implications, well…

In the Sky Casino arc, a huge breakthrough was made in Atsushi and Lucy’s relationship: her elusive “impossible” debt to him was finally repaid, though not in the way you'd expect.

At the time, all Lucy felt she could give in return for Atsushi’s turning her life around was conventional heroism – or in other words, many a close call and many a trip to Anne’s Room. This conventional heroism was a worthless currency in her mind – it wasn’t the kind that saved her, after all – but on the other hand, the vulnerability she so valued in its stead she wasn’t capable of giving; where she came from, being vulnerable was a death sentence, after all. Because of this, how she could ever come close to repaying Atsushi’s ultimate favor was a mystery unto itself. All she knew was that she had to do it one way or another, and that’s where her most glaring flaw – her quid-pro-quo mindset – came into play, eventually driving her so far as to override her own philosophy and embody the reckless hero she so discouraged Atsushi from being.

But when Atsushi saved her from Nathaniel – thereby repaying her for her acts of service as he’d promised so many times he would – she realized that, just as her care for Atsushi doesn’t depend on his being a hero, Atsushi's care for her doesn’t depend on her being vulnerable. The illusion was shattered.

From this point forward, Lucy is no longer helping Atsushi out of a sense of indebtedness. She's doing it because she wants to. Because she truly, genuinely cares. Not the artificial kind of care that comes with repaying a debt, but the care that she showcases when she stays by Atsushi’s side after he faints, pressing a cold towel to his face. The kind of care that involves refusing to hurt Atsushi in any way, even to jog potentially vital memories.

Lucy considering what Kyōka’s death would do to Atsushi’s psyche is a perfect continuation of this new leaf she’s turned over, but it also goes to show that her shared arc with Atsushi is far from finished.

Lucy’s character development has always been structured in a rather unique way: each arc she’s appeared in has worked either to establish or address her current most glaring flaw, more often than not in unexpected ways. Her appearance in the first half of the Guild arc established her villainous façade being just that – a façade – by having it crumble as she realized the kind of person she was up against in Atsushi. The second half addressed her unhealthy attachment to the Guild by having Atsushi dissuade her from villainy via empathy. The Guild Aftermath arc added the finishing touch to all of this – the last little push needed to propel Lucy into her new role – by addressing her and Atsushi’s “promise” on the Moby Dick. The Cannibalism arc subtly established her quid-pro-quo mindset, which the Sky Casino arc would then go on to address.

Another great subversion of the tropes usually involved in these dynamics is that, despite Lucy being the closest thing to Atsushi’s “love interest,” only he's managed to bolster her development, not the other way around. This isn’t for lack of trying, of course; Lucy tries. But Atsushi is a tough nut to crack. The fact that she’s still, nearly fifteen chapters later, trying to steer Atsushi toward personhood instead of heroism – albeit indirectly – is testament to this.

If she could reach him now, she’d no doubt be trying even still. She’d be conveying to him that none of his friends’ deaths so far has been his fault – that he can’t be expected to carry the burden of hero to all when the world is going to hell in a handbasket. But she can’t reach him. She’s trapped, and so is Kyōka. Thus is the cruel irony.

Anne's Room:

Anne of Abyssal Red has played a key role in pretty much everything plot-related up to this point. It’s only appropriate, then, that its owner finally appearing alongside it would give it all the more significance.

Lucy’s last line in this chapter is as follows: “So the enemy… even took this into account.” She’s right; Fyodor had countermeasures against her ability. That said, I don’t think this is attributable solely to Fyodor being, well… Fyodor.

AOAR is in the same ballpark narrative-wise as, say, For The Tainted Sorrow in that it’s overpowered to the point of detriment. It’s Lucy’s playground; the product of an imagination run wild due to crippling loneliness. This in and of itself is scary. A power having rules that malleable is automatically dangerous, because it means that, while its wielder can bend and exploit said rules, so can an enemy. In both major fights Lucy has been a part of, the rules of Anne’s Room being molded to favor her opponent has spelled either victory or loss on her end: Atsushi used the prison room loophole against her, and she indirectly used the transportation loophole against Nathaniel. Hell, her capture by the Guild following her betrayal was thanks to the loophole that, while Anne couldn’t be defeated, she could be restrained.

So basically, for as powerful as AOAR is, underneath that power is a shaky foundation. Power doesn’t always mean stability, and this is underscored by the fact that, at the end of the day, Anne is only infallible in terms of strength; she could only do so much to alleviate Lucy’s loneliness growing up (which is honestly a pretty clever mirror to her conflict of strength vs. vulnerability with Atsushi.)

With Anne’s Room nullified by Fyodor, Lucy has truly nothing at her disposal. She's not physically strong (she’s 165 cm and 44 kg, so… yeah ˙◠˙), and while by no means stupid, she doesn’t repeatedly say in this chapter that she doesn’t know what to do next for no reason. Anne’s Room is all she’s ever had. While at the orphanage, it was her only comfort. While in the Guild, it was her only value. With Atsushi, it was all she had to offer in return for his ultimate favor.

This, I feel, could be the establishing point for the next portion of her arc. She could strive to find a way out of the rubble, working together with Kyōka, and in the process learn to break away from her ability as what defines her role in all of this. One thing's for sure: something has to be done sooner or later, otherwise, they'll starve.

I dunno, maybe that’s wishful thinking given how much is already going on. But either way, I’ll hope against hope that this isn’t some one-off return, because Lucy has proven time and time again that she has a lot to offer to the story, both plot-wise and thematically.

[3mcwritingmcuhcs]

How the Avengers Would React to You Falling Asleep on Their Shoulder

(Includes: Thor and Natasha, was gonna do more but i got tired lol, gonna be a part 2 posted later with other Avengers)

Now, we all know Thor is a huge himbo.

He's huge on physical affection--hugs, ruffling people's hair, patting them on the back--if he has adopted you as his friend, you are now subject to being bombarded with pure, wholesome, himbo interactions.

Now, let's say that one night, during one of the usual movie nights (bc you can't tell me that they didn't have any), you sat down next to him. Well, as we've established, he is very physically affectionate, which means that whoever ends up next to him pretty much volunteers to be his personal teddy bear.

One week it was Steve, the next it was Tony (though if ever brought up, he'd only pull up a video of when Thor did it to Steve), honestly, almost everyone had been in that position.

But this night, you were more tired than usual. Training had been harder that day, you hadn't gotten a great amount of sleep, and you were just exhausted.

Enter Thor's natural cuddliness.

You scooted up next to him on the large couch, leaning your head back against his side. Before you knew it, the comfortable warmth combined with him shifting to where your head was cushioned against his rather voluptuous pecs, had meant you were entirely too comfortable.

Five minutes into the movie and you were out.

Thor didn't notice until Natasha pointed out, too entranced with the strange Midgardian performance on the screen.

"Huh, I guess she wasn't exaggerating when she said she was exhausted," Natasha had commented, making Thor look to his left, only for that movement to cause you to slide.

Luckily, you didn't wake up, and instead only curled closer into his side.

Thor just looked down at you in awe.

You looked so pretty.

He stayed entirely still for the rest of the movie night, determined to let you rest as long as you needed.

He succeeded, but at the cost of him also dozing off on the couch.

The rest of the team saw the content expressions and let you two be, though a certain someone was very tempted to draw mustaches on the both of you.

Natasha isn't a super touchy person.

After years of being nothing but a weapon for other's use, her bodily autonomy was something she couldn't bear to lose.

That's not to say that she couldn't be autonomous while still having no problem with touch, but she had used her body to get what others wanted for years.

She couldn't just forget all that and be able to hug people like anybody else. She had to work through it. And though she spent years reclaiming herself, making things right, things still stuck.

With the people she genuinely cared about, she was comfortable with physical affection, but she also didn't feel pressured into giving it. She didn't have to act like nothing phased her.

With you, she could just be Nat, not "the Black Widow" or "Natalie Rushman" or even "Natasha Romanoff". She wasn't an Avenger or a spy or an agent.

She was just her.

Given how close the two of you were, you had grown to understand her unease with sudden physical affection.

You respected her boundaries, only giving her that type of affection when she specifically said that it was okay.

One day though, you broke your rule of asking first.

It was dark out, the two of you were on the roof of the compound, looking up at the sky.

You were both sitting up, talking quietly, the occasional laugh exchanged.

But you had severely underestimated how tired you were.

Natasha felt your head rest on her shoulder, being faintly surprised just because you hadn't asked as you usually did.

But when she saw that your eyes were closed and your breathing was slow and even, she smiled softly.

Sure, touch wasn't her forte, but you had never made her uncomfortable, you had never pressured her, you had always stood close (but not too close, because you understood her need for personal space), and smiled at her sincerely no matter what.

Having you fall asleep on her shoulder, well, it just felt like the most pure affirmation that you trusted her.

And maybe she wouldn't let most people do it.

But you weren't most people.

[kanmom51]

Dear. Army

I went to bed last night thinking that we won't be getting anything substantial on 7/6 even though we had a calendar showing us this:

Only to wake up this morning to discover this was uploaded to Weverse at 10pm KST on 7.6.23 (and an hour later to YT).

Where do I start?

By saying how amazing JM is, how much I love him and his voice and this song.

This man is an angel pure and simple.

What did I notice?

First of all the big ass miss out by releasing it at 10 pm KST and not 10:13 pm. All it took was a little more thought put into it. Just a little more.

Well, the next most obvious is of course the absence of a certain Jeon Jungkook in person, performing this song together with JM.

And why do I say in person?

Because even though every other single background sound and vocal was wiped from this performance, JK's background vocals, although subdued, were still there.

Do I admit that I am disappointed?

Fuck yeah.

I'm not only disappointed, I'm actually furious. Not at JM. Not at JK. But at the friggin company that isn't allowing those two to be in one frame, and has been doing this for months now.

And if you pipe up and say: "well that's not true, we've seen them in content together", stop for one second and think about what you are saying, what content that was. Ot7 content (no choice they are all there - and when they were, thinking of the last BTB JM was as loud as fuck, can't help but wonder why - or not) and JM's dance practice BTB, in which we got to see less than a minute of JK at JM's SMF pt. 2 practice. And about that one: first of all, we probably wouldn't have gotten to see that one if not for JM and JK's interaction in JM's live mentioning JK came to see him practicing, and second of all, go have a lookie what was shown to us in that BTB (we don't even get to see JK arriving to the practice - perhaps not to show us not JM's reaction to him arriving nor just how long he stayed there) and compare it to the Like crazy MV BTB and Jhope visiting JM.

And I'm sure I said this before, how stupid this all is, when it's as clear as day (well, thank god for JK and his rebellious streak) that these two are as close as can be. Couple or not. So wtf is the company so scared of? At this point, with everything that JK has been doing in the past few months (and it's not only JK, JM is part of it too of course, but admittedly JK is just not giving a fuck anymore, while JM is doing what he can within his own respectful and very intelligent way) it's bloody ridiculous not having them in content together.

You may think I'm over reacting here, but this is a long time coming, this angry rant of mine. And this here, as expected as it was, it pushed me over the line.

Like I said, It's not like I didn't see this coming. I knew in my heart that they will do this. Try to nullify Letter's importance to JM and JK. Whitewash it as a song for army. But somewhere, somehow, I still had some hope. Well, that one was a bust. And I guess knowing it's coming doesn't change that ache in the gut once it actually does come.

I ask myself, would it have been too obvious in their books? JM and JK singing this together? But why? If it's an innocent letter to army? A token of JM's love for army?

I guess we all know the answer to that.

So, then I am sitting here and thinking about what I said about JM.

How intelligent he is. How he does things within the 'allowed' limitations but still gets the message through.

He did it with the song's name for starters. It's not "Dear Army", which would make it addressed to army, it's "Dear. Army". By adding the period between the Dear and the Army, you literally have him addressing 2: Dear (which we know exactly who that is) and Army.

We have said this over and over again. This song is a song for JK disguised as a song for army. Dear does come first out of the two after all, lol. No, but this is just how things have to be, as long as they remain closeted, and that is totally understandable. This is how JM is telling us all what his feelings are for JK. He's telling JK and us. I know that there are those who believe that the song is talking to us in some parts and to JK in others. I'm not one of them. I believe this whole song (and the original lyrics say it all in my opinion) is addressed to JK. He is Dear. He is the one the Letter was written to. But in saying that, it was given as a gift to us. JM is allowing us to see what they mean to each other. And a gift that certainly is.

I also think about the fact that JM in this performance stripped the song down. No wave sounds. No harmonica. None of his own background vocals. The guitar, it's not him playing (unlike in the actual recorded song). All making it a little less personal perhaps (while singing it to army for Festa). But then, he made sure to leave one thing, and that's JK's background vocals, as soft as they may be, they are still there.

2 things I get from that (and yes, this is art and it's open to interpretation):

First of all, he's stripped the song of it's intimate setting (settings that were him and JK and what was between them).

Second of all, he left JK's vocals in but softer. JK isn't there with him, but JM is still telling us that JK is an inseparable part of this song. That the song can still exist without the waves and the harmonica and his own background vocals, but not without JK. JM even goes quiet at one point during that verse so we can hear JK's vocals clearer.

Maybe that's me being over melodramatic here, but that's what I feel at the moment.

Did you notice how JM doesn't look once at the camera, at us, while singing the song? Not once. The first and only time he looks at the camera, at us, and smiles, is when the song ends.

You know why?

Cause the man, he ain't singing that song to us. He's singing it for us to hear, but we aren't the recipients.

Oh, and did you see the smile on his face once he starts the verse with "baby", yes, that same verse where JK joins in?

I'm sorry, but you can even hear the smile in his voice as he's singing "baby"...

I apologize that this post isn't all filled with joy and gratitude that we got to see JM performing Letter (Dear. Army). But I have always been honest with you guys, and that is not going to change.

Don't get me wrong. I'm over the moon that we got to hear JM sing this live.

But I'm also sad.

I'm sad because I know how important this song is to both JM and JK. I know that JK would have joined JM in a heartbeat if only given a chance to, or more so, if allowed to. There is no way under the sun that JK was given the chance and declined. NO WAY. So there you have it.

[olderthannetfic]

Just curious, is Astolat fine with often being brought up in these talks and arguments about AO3's reason for existing? Just as a general thing, not like "talking about her being the origin for AO3" but more the focus on her works and her as a creator-expanding towards her work as a person in fandom.

I mean, I guess if things came down to it she could just dive down and make a new account for full anonymity for her fics again, but her Astolat name will still be THE ASTOLAT". I'm just interested from a perspective of interest I guess. Not to shame, or be like "How dare you drag someone into your arguments", and I'm not trying to make it sound like that! I genuinely I'm just curious about her stance on it, and since you apparently know her in a way I thought it was a simple way to ask. I know some creators, writers, artists try to distance themselves from certain things, and people parroting that to anyone who asks, so it's interesting to see someone not seemingly have a problem with it at first glance?

--

LOL.

Dude, astolat is a fellow fan. If you want to know how she feels about things, you should ask her.

I used to go to cons further from the West Coast, including ones she went to. I know her generally, just like a hell of a lot of LJ Olds know each other generally. We aren't, like, bosom buddies or anything, and IDK where she's actually hanging out these days. Her tumblr's pretty dead most of the time.

But as for whether she minds people bringing up Thorki... why would she mind?

Astolat is a bit older than I am, so she's, what, around 50? Why would she ~distance~ herself from perfectly good fic like a craven child?

Anyone who's a fandom old used to get flamed for liking m/m and had to build spaces that deterred the haters. AO3 is one of those spaces. We would no more take "Boo hoo, fictional incest turns people into perverts!" seriously than we would any of the other accusations we've gotten over the decades.

Anonymity isn't really a thing for that kind of fandom either. Sure, many people do hide their wallet name from the internet (though at this point, astolat's wallet name is extremely well known and she has openly connected her names online a few times), but I don't mean this.

I mean that for people of the LJ era or 90s slash zine era or whathaveyou, you pick one fannish handle and you stick with it. You're the same you forever and the people around you know you even if you aren't a BNF. I've had friends of friends of friends from LJ recognize me by my old LJ icon. It's a very small world.

It's a type of fandom that discusses. To write fic anyone at all bothered to read is to be discussed. Astolat has written more fic that more people have liked over a long period of time, so she's more discussed, but it's just a question of degree.

I assume she rolls her eyes when people treat her like an alien or a celebrity instead of a more-popular peer, but I've never actually asked her.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 142 thoughts!

HEADS UP: In this review I discuss fictional depictions of sibling incest as well as a brief reference to both fictional and a real life suicide. As usual, feel free to skip if you're not in the right zone and I'll see you next time.

thank you for the kind words from everyone when i was still in the Slime Era of feeling sick lol. i'm like 80% back to full power now!

I'm gonna be totally up front and say I really think this is one of the worst chapters we've gotten in a while but here's the twist: it's not for the reasons you probably think!

We're following up basically right off the back of last chapter and immediately I am kind of mad at how shitty the series is continuing to do Miyako with regards to the movie arc. She was a total non-factor in the RBKN conflict and now that Aqua and Ruby are being pressured into doing something they have both verbalized that they don't want to do she's just like well gosh i feel complicated but what can i do :(. Having the setup almost 20 full chapters ago of Miyako expressing that she wants to step up and do more for Aqua and Ruby as their mother and then having her completely failing to intervene on their behalf here is just wild.

In general, the way everything is being set up to force this kiss feels so… well, forced. Even if Kaburagi (as the story says) insisted there be a kiss scene, there are a million ways to fake a kiss that doesn't involve actors actually kissing. Body doubles! Camera angles! Putting your thumbs in the way! Unless Kaburagi said "I want 20 full seconds of Kamiki sticking his tongue down Ai's throat center frame", there is absolutely no reason "a kiss scene" needs to mean "these two blood related twin sibling actors actually kiss". The whole thing is just so incredibly contrived.

And honestly? The fact that both Ruby and Aqua have expressed a 'no' and are being forced to do this anyway is the part of this chapter making me the most actively insane. It is absolutely mind boggling to have spent half of last chapter on a Miyako monologue about how immoral and unethical it is when people's ability to give informed and sincere consent is compromised by the entertainment industry and to then follow it with a whole chapter of basically every character we're supposed to like flaunting a total lack of respect for Aqua's comfort and consent in this regard, up to and including the completely insane scene of two adult women lecturing Aqua about how he isn't allowed to have boundaries. What the fuck is going on here!!!

This is especially frustrating because I actually really like a lot of things about the scene with Yoriko and Abiko… even if there's some stuff that really kind of broke me lol. Like uh, wasn't it a really huge plot point in Tokyo Blade that a mangaka couldn't be expected to turn out an entertaining theater script because those are two entirely different kinds of storytelling…??? But whatever.

Off the bat, I have really mixed-leaning-negative feelings about the reveal that the KamiAi romance scenes we'd gotten were entirely fictional. On the one hand, I actually feel pretty validated - I had guessed that the full-immersion-flashback presentation was a hint that we were being presented with a falsehood and it implicitly confirms something I've been saying from the start that 15 Year Lie's version of events has to be taken with a grain of salt, both because it contradicts known events and facts and because so many other people have interfered with it. Having that made textual and being able to confidently say it helps a lot in discussing what this means for the story.

But like… that means we wasted a whole bunch of time on shit that was made up and didn't matter! Like, thematically speaking, I think this is potentially interesting but I just keep getting stuck on the fact that we were given a super interesting scene finally fleshing out and giving us info about both a character and a relationship we've been absolutely starved for details about, only for the story to turn around not two chapters later and go "and my source? i made it the fuck up". It just totally dashes all the enthusiasm I was feeling and it also makes it way less rewarding to try and dig into what 15YL is doing when at any time, all of this potentially interesting character work could be revealed to be total piss in the wind.

Stepping back from that… in total isolation from everything else, I do think this talk with Abiko and Yoriko about what it means to write stories is interesting from a lot of angles. While I don't think these two are the 1-to-1 author avatars for Aka and Mengo fandom treats them as, they nevertheless clearly serve as reflections of the two's experiences and viewpoints about the manga industry and specific and the art of storytelling in general, allowing the story to play around in the quasi-metafictional space it does sometimes, where it uses in-universe fiction as a method of commenting on itself.

In that sense, I think Yoriko can be understood as speaking for Akasaka here and discussing some of his feelings as a storyteller of Oshi no Ko specifically. OnK has never made a secret of the fact that it's drawing on Akasaka's real experiences in the entertainment industry but perhaps less obvious to overseas fans is the inspiration it takes from real life issues in contemporary Japanese pop culture, too. Infamously, Akane's arc very transparent drew inspiration - if it wasn't reconstructed entirely - from the suicide of Hana Kimura, not even six full months after Kimura's death. When the anime aired, Kimura's surviving mother (imo, rightfully and deservedly) lambasted the series for using her daughter's death as the fodder for entertainment without consulting her surviving family. It wasn't even that she disagreed with what the series was saying - she just wanted someone to have some consideration.

This is what Yoriko means when she talks about the responsibility a writer has to their stories. When you write a piece of fiction as highly visible as Oshi no Ko currently is, it is your responsibility to consider the impact your words will have on the world. No, fiction does not directly impact the real world in a physical, tangible way but if we are careless with our stories, we can regurgitate and perpetuate dominant cultural narratives that very much do cause real, tangible harm to marginalized people. Hikaru Kamiki isn't a real person, but there are undoubtedly people in OnK's readerbase who see their experiences mirrored in him. Airi Himekawa isn't real, but people like her exist. Akane Kurokawa isn't real but Hana Kimura was.

This discussion also serves as an interesting warning to Aqua himself, though maybe not quite in the sense Yoriko intended. Aqua's revenge has always been something treated, in-universe, as a sort of fiction in of itself; Aqua calls it his 'revenge play' and his primary method of pursuing it is to become an actor. It's a retribution narrative about real people and Aqua is its author. But as Yoriko reminds him… stories can kill. Especially ones featuring real people. Aqua has been telling himself a comfortable lie for years that only he will be hurt by his own inevitable self destruction but Yoriko reminds him that he isn't the only person involved here and that he is inevitably going to cause great pain to the people he loves if her continues down this path.

That's why this chapter is so frustrating. This is all good, meaty character work with some great thematic overtones… and it's all in service of contriving this scenario where Aqua has no choice but to tongue his sister on camera and for some reason, nobody is pointing out the million and one alternatives to this deranged scenario.

But anyway. Enough beating around the bush: let's talk about That Scene. And despite what everything I've said this post might lead you to believe… I actually really like it.

I don't know exactly what activated to make her go sicko mode but Mengo has been really on fucking fire with her art on the series lately. It really jumped out to me in 137 but she's honestly been cooking since the very start of the movie arc. It stands out especially strongly in Aqua and Ruby's talk on the balcony in ways I really vibed with. The whole scene feels like Ruby's shoujo brainrot and the cold reality of what she's tiptoeing around suggesting to Aqua are battling out for dominance over the framing. Ruby's stubbornness is such a force to be reckoned with that it almost wins entirely but there are moments where the lens cracks and we see things as they are. Aqua's discomfort practically radiates off the page this entire conversation.

Not only that but… jesus christ, Ruby. Just look at how she's framed when she first enters the scene.

That oppressive silhouette, her shaded eyes and that sinister smile… I probably don't need to tell you that's NOT how you typically frame a romantic heroine. She honestly almost looks more like a villain.

But Ruby quickly reasserts control over the framing. Or rather, what she's suggesting is such a sugary shoujo fantasy, the framing has no other option but to comply. At last, Ruby steps out of the shallow channel of plausible deniability and puts into concrete words what she has been thinking and longing for these last twenty chapters: for her to retake her role as Sarina Tendoji and for Aqua, in turn, to play Gorou for her once again. More than that - she pushes him for a concrete response to her love at last, not as Ruby but as Sarina; not only does the paneling repeatedly cover the eye with her star but in the final panel where she unambiguously propositions Aqua, the star is completely gone. This is what Ruby is offering: to completely sever her connection to Ai and the new life she has built on that foundation and to return to being Sarina, if that is what the doctor she loves wants.

This is SUCH an incredibly effective scene. It's excellently done and the art is fantastic. It finally draws out and makes explicit the underlying disconcerting subtext that has been swimming under the twins' relationship since 123. It works fantastically well… in isolation. But when taken into the context of the rest of the story it just feels so… unearned.

For the last 20 chapters, we have had absolutely no serious insight into Ruby's feelings re: the reveal of Gorou's new identity as Aqua. We didn't see her grapple with it or have to adjust to it at all. It was like a switch flipped in her brain and she was suddenly a 2010s fanservice imouto splooging about her oniichan. Her interiority in this regard is completely absent. Whenever the subject is addressed at all, it is made into a joke with Ruby as the punchline. There has been no serious build up to this moment or any meaningful time spent on Ruby's feelings about Aqua and as such, being asked to take it seriously now feels so incredibly jarring.

I've said this over and over in other places but I'll make this clear here: the handling of Ruby's feelings is not bad because Incest Is Morally Bad or whatever. At the end of the day, OnK is fiction and fiction is a space that allows us to explore ideas and scenarios that would be unpleasant, dangerous or even downright immoral to try and interrogate in real life with real people. Not only that, but AQRB's situation is so far removed from anything any real person could experience there's very little risk of it acting as a harmful reflection of a real person's life. But because OnK had the space to do just about anything with this idea, I'm so incredibly baffled that it chose to do all of nothing. This is a plot point that has been cooking since the literal first chapter of the entire series and now, just under four years and over 140 chapters past our starting point… and this is the best Akasaka can do? Dated brocon humor that reduces Ruby to a shallow gag character, denying her the opportunity to have deeper, more complex and ugly feelings and denying her the respect of examining those feelings with honesty?

It sucks. This whole thing really sucks. As someone who loves Ruby so, so much… this really just feels like an insulting way to have handled what should have been one of the most interesting and engaging parts of her series long arc.

I do think this chapter is the beginning of the end of AquRuby's time in the endgame couple race, if it was ever seriously in the running to begin with. Ruby embracing Aqua with a proposition in those final two panels echoes Akane doing the same in chapter 72 and the fact that this cliffhanger ends on the proposition and not a kiss implies to me, structurally speaking, that we are heading for a rejection. On top of that, we're pretty far away from the manga's ending still and Kana's romantic resolution with Aqua hasn't gotten its time to shine. All those factors together makes me feel pretty certain that this is the final nail in the coffin and we're just waiting to see how Aka sticks the landing.

After all - Ruby is asking for his response as Sarina. And if this is Sarina asking for his love one last time… we already know how Gorou's going to respond.

[rosemariad]

SUPERNATURAL SEASON 15 - final season - bitter end part 2

See p1 here | https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761290454081929216/supernatural-season-15-final-season-part-1-i

OH MY LORD – FINALLY – a FUCKING APOLOGY, from Dean. Winchester.

And it happened in purgaytory 😉 lol. Moment of silence for dead Benny :/

I wish we could've gotten a shot of Cas listening to him. We've always seen Dean pray to Cas but we never see Cas hear them on his end, like when Jack was hearing Sam's prayer. I think that would've been dope as fuck to see Castiel's reaction. When Cas & Dean finally do catch up to one another, Cas seems so...reserved. I feel like He knew DAMN well (like 90%) what Dean might say (or maybe he's so in denial about the possibility that Dean could return his affections in that way)

How are we almost halfway to the end and this is the first time we’ve seen Jack at all during this FINAL season? You introduce him in episode 12.23, you kill him (twice) and we don’t even get to see how he’s doing? We know he’s in the empty from 14x20’s closing montage.

15x10 was a pretty decent episode since we got to see Garth again ☺️ & he's settled into the domestic life with his wife Bessie - they had twins and a older daughter & neither child is named after Dean (🤣 Serves him right these days, since he's being such a douche!) wonder why Garth chose to name his baby after Cas though…did they ever interact? I don't recall…Watching Sam meet baby Sam is precious

(also how wild is it that the Garth & Benny actors are a married couple now? SPN man, they should've had a dating show given how many relationships came outta 1 production that lasted 15 yrs!)

Watching Sam sniff and cough & sneeze post-COVID is wild!

Taking on that giant monster was Hilarious - this was what SPN was missing - definitely peak content! Look at those hunter guys get reduced to regular chumps 🤣 fantastic!

Was Dean scared of the dentist? Had he ever BEEN to a dentist? Wow John, you couldn't take your son to a damn dentist - with all the junk food that boy eats? Even so, you want him running around without teeth?

Watching Sam writhe around with some cure all Bessie learned from her dad (he's dead I guess?) was equally hilarious!

WTF was with Dean's hallucination? These writers are trippin - out of all the things you could've done, you make Dean & Garth tap dance? What was the point? And some oldies shit? Sure Dean would've been exposed to reruns of the good ol' days but that’s never really been his interest before? And the lamp at the end? TF? I've read some posts about what others thinking it all means but I say the artistic direction is wack. But all aside the dentist Garth bit is awesome!

Garth couldn't have said it better - being the hero/protagonist is a drag - more so for comic book heroes cuz of the tragic backstory but in the Winchesters' case - it suuuuuuuuuucks.

I'm all for some Winchester humble pie. SPN should be normal people problems show mixed with cooky supernatural shenanigans. It would never get old 😂

Dean why did you think you could gobble down 7 grilled cheese sandwiches - all that dairy - oh man. So I guess that's normal for him…bad, real bad. Normal Dean would be dead in a week 🤣🤣

Anyway Garth swooping in to save the day for a change, is a welcome change ☺️ [is this the last time we'll see him in the show though? 😥]

Interesting how they seem to keep switching back & forth between how hopeless the odds are in going against the big G.O.D. to no we're gonna find a way cuz we're the Winchesters & that’s what we do. Yeah okay 🤣

Jack's been hunting & eating Grigori hearts - damn. Not looking forward to why…

Meanwhile we get more backstory on all the other gods in human history through Fortuna, goddess of luck/fortune? Interesting, it seems like God allowed others to be worshipped so they could suffer the bad PR when things when wrong for people & they would get the blame (pretty sure plenty people still blame God for bad stuff all the time — like Dean 😅).

Good for Sam fighting for those people stuck under Fortuna's thumb. Small victories though…

Kaia survived, but I know we'll never see her again now. No reunion w/ Claire, or the others…wah 😔 meanwhile Alt!Kaia is definitely dead, we saw her face her end - way to take out that plot device writers 🙄

Dean seems pretty gung-ho on taking out God & Amara - buddy I know you feel helpless but there is no cosmic entity that is gonna be on your side all the time. The control freak inside him is going rabid y'all he's convinced that it’s the only way out but neglects to answer the question - if God (and Amara - cold by the way - is he punishing her for Mary? Amara was the one who brought her back in the first place) is taken out, what happens to the universe?

Jack is still giving me those intern vibes - Cas WTF were you thinking? I know you didn't forget about that deal…but damn if he ain't a team player, always willing to risk it all to help his precious Dean bean & the baby bro Sam.

I love how the brothers took Jo/Anael at her word - like really? There was no other way to investigate the veracity of her story than by simply going to hell? Really? Also they couldn't squeeze in Rowena for 1 final appearance? Boo!

And what was Anael's last line about? What friends could she possibly be talking about? Did God have her set this up? Lead the guys on a wild goose chase to waste time? Who fucking knows anymore, but I guess it doesn't matter as this is technically Anael (& Ruby's) final scene in the show.

Ruby you're screwed - there's no way she got out and no way to know - anyway onto the plot!

Look at this family shot - precious!

So between this episode & 12x07 Sam's superpower is handling doors - keeps them open when he needs to & closed when he has to. Sam, keeper of the doors!

The Empty & Death Billie teamed up? Oh shit, that's gonna backfire fast!

Classic Dean Winchester move to call your beloved an idiot when you almost lost him….again. I can't keep track of the various close calls this angel had over the years.

Best gem of 15x13 - the Alternate Sam & Dean - affluent dudes who were raised by a successful business savvy John Winchester who raised his sons with a modicum of respect & some fashion sense it seems all the while building a supernatural hunting empire spanning the entire globe (damn). And at the end they went to Brazil? So canonically there's 2 sets of Sams & Deans running around - too bad nothing else will come out of that…they should've stolen the Impala - that shit would've been hilarious.

After all these years we finally got to see THE Garden of Eden. It would've been cool to see it sooner in the show but oh well. The trip seems to have given Jack the ability to feel again, get his soul back. And he is wracked with guilt over Mary as if we didn’t have enough of that to deal with…

The words you're looking for guys is I FORGIVE YOU! Like he's a kid, it was an accident & he's clearly fucking sorry for it, the guilt is tearing him apart, you're not blind you can see it but God forbid either Winchester just says the magic words.

Now Mrs. Butters - I'm not cool with that shit at all. I peeped immediately based on the 1st scene that she wasn't there willingly. Why would she? She's a fucking wood nymph and while there's a bunch of trees outside, the bunker sure as shit ain't no forest. Someone forced her to work in that bunker & the fact that imagery of Cuthbert Sinclair keeps coming up confirms it.

She was probably their slave - that's so fucked. And Sinclair tortured her into obedience. That poor creature…she deserved so much better. shame on Sam & Dean for using that poor woman - you can't find the time to cook & clean up after yourselves? - I know Dean is good at it. But no, SPN had to set women back decades and force Mrs. Butters into waiting on them hand and foot. Shame, damn shame. Thankfully they eventually let her go, but only cuz Jack's life was in jeopardy and god forbid the Winchesters lose their handy ace in the hole when their maid/slave gets murderous. Really Dean, ‘just start over’?!, she threatened your kid you dumbass, do you really want someone to take care of you that fucking bad? WTF?!?!

All those feasts & Cas never showed up once -- bullshit!!!! Bullshit I say!

Apparently when Cas does eventually return to the screen & wraps up some trouble w/ Jack (aww he wanted to wear matching ties! And he has a teddy bear? Did Cas give him one? He gave one to Claire a couple of seasons ago) jack spills that he's meant to die & sacrifice himself to take out God & Amara. I know you're not on board Cas but speak up. Why is everyone so afraid to stand up to Dean Jesus Christ. He's just a man, sure he'll punch you but that just means you hit back or you know, don't let him punch you!

We get 1 final glimpse into Sam & Dean's childhood. Pro tip Dean: if you want your baby bro to stick around, don't ridicule his goals or call him stupid. Just a thought (I know he's a kid himself but that's what I would've said to the kid) but hey ultimately none of it matters right, jeez 😒

The lady lied to the brothers to get them to show up, did you ever think to incentivize them with money? It wouldn't take much, they probably wouldn't even take it or you know just tell them the truth, they're hunters it's what they do.

It's the baba yaga? It almost got to Dean but thankfully Sam was conveniently there to break the spell or whatever was gonna try to make Dean kill himself. The vic, Travis, apparently had the entity's ring all this time so it's back for revenge? And to eat ofc it's hungry. Too bad she failed cuz she's dead as one of the final MOTW ever on SPN. And just when we thought Dean made progress he ruins it by being supremely committed to Billie's plan -- cuz God forbid Sam bring up ethical questions into plotting someone's murder Dean, even if it is about cosmic entities and you know, your kid, Jack. Will the real Dean Winchester stand up cuz I think he wouldn't do this under any other circumstances. If I were Sam I would've jumped out of that car in pure disgust. Sam seemed inclined to do that.

Anyway the Jack suicide bomb plan ultimately didn't matter either cuz Amara ends up siding w/ Chuck after he makes her see that Dean was actually planning on killing her along w/ her brother.

Side bar - I love how she just had a whole season's long vacation just enjoying what the planet had to offer before her end. Can't say she didn't try to work things out - with the Winchesters or God. But hey, I know what's up - it's all about the men in this show 🙄

Saying Jack's not family - how fucking dare you! but also another example of inconsistent behavior from Dean - 1 minute he's concerned, the next he's dismissive & neglectful, then the next he cares (emotional whiplash), then he sees Jack as nothing more than a loose-end for fuck's sake Dean pick a lane & make up your damn mind, fuck!

Anyways, Sam should've smacked the shit outta Dean. He deserves it. But I get it Dean, you can't live w/o Sam or Cas but watching Jack die is no big since he took your mommy away, whatever asshole. Then he feels bad, but I feel it's only cuz he can't sit pretty on his high horse knowing the kid heard how little Dean cares for him right now.

Why did Sam & Cas let Jack run off w/ Dean? I sure wouldn't have 😡.

So because Billie's plan went tits up (big surprise there & really Billie you were expecting them not to fuck up, really?) God escaped & in the next, infamous episode of 15x18 people start getting Thanos'd. Endgamed. Disappeared.

Alt!Charlie & her girlfriend Stevie - gone. Eileen, Sam's current GF, gone. Alt!Bobby, gone. The other folks from Apocalypse World - gone.

But Donna gets got too - because Sam & Dean intervened all the way back in her premiere episode (was that season 8? I forget). Did everyone just get disappeared - like everyone Sam, Dean & John saved (that's my headcanon anyhow)? But it doesn’t even stop there…

Hold up - wait a minute - I’m gonna talk about the Destiel moment in 15x18 but I’m gonna save it for a separate post cuz I got to get all that stuff off my chest…https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761296693532803072/the-bitter-end-spn-15x18-despair-about-that

Anywho:

Everyone gets disappeared. I see they were inspired by that Avengers movie 😅 I wonder if they went through the same experience the Marvel folk did canonically…(its that no one remembers what happened to them if they got blipped right?)

15x19 felt so rushed to me did anyone else feel that way?

Jack asks what happened to Cas (RIP you beautiful angel 😭) but Dean just offers a simple explanation. After countless days of misery and drinking, Jack prompts the brothers to drive around and Dean finds a dog only to have it disappear like everyone else - there's no way Chuck missed the dog, he just wanted Dean to bond with her so he could feel her loss too. Damn. So vengeful.

The Winchesters say they surrender but at this point I wouldn't believe them and apparently it was all part of their master plan. They ran into Michael (who's lost Adam at this point RIP Adam, again) and Dean calls Michael out as a daddy's boy but you would know wouldn't you Dean 🤣 game recognize game

When Dean got that phone call & ran up those steps, oh Dean you poor miserable bastard.

The devil, conveniently back from the void from whence he came, scrounges up a reaper - why are there reapers at this point (isn’t everyone gone anyways?) was she brought from the Empty? Kill her so she can be Death # 3 and open up the mysterious book that describes God's imminent demise but the devil killed her one more time before she could finish cuz he's God's favorite now (so he says Chuck says 🙄) pissing off Michael but as the brothers explained later this would all work in their favor but RIP Jessica - last female figure to be killed off on SPN? She basically died for nothing as Sam & dean came up w/ a new plan.

While the archangels squab, Michael gets the upper hand and finally kills Lucifer (so how was this fight going to devastate the planet cuz the bunker didn't even get messed up or nothing - very underwhelming since this is technically the last we’ll see of the devil in the show) & later Michael snitches to God when everyone drives out to summon Chuck to try killing him off once and for all. Then Michael dies cuz God is tired of him I guess (sure he said it’s cuz Michael dique betrayed him but I mean do you even care about that?) sucks for Mike I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

All the celestial fighting was apparently powering up Jack after he juiced himself up for that bomb & couldn't kill off God sooner. by the end of the episode Jack siphons the remaining energy out of Chuck and instead of squashing him like a bug they all just decide to walk away, leaving Chuck Shurley a mortal, ordinary man to die off on his own (omg the way he squealed as they ditched him, geez 🤦🏾‍♀️).

This is why you should've just destroyed them Chuck! You'd think he'd know better than to savor their doom. Tsk tsk.

I would've shot him, burned him and had Jack disintegrate the ashes to nothing. But fuck being thorough I guess 🤣

Jack brings everyone back & leaves the brothers (I would've done the same, fuck those Winchesters, Sam's alright but Dean is just ugh at this point) & Aside from Rowena I can't think of anyone else who ends up with a win like Jack. He was born the Nephilim of Lucifer but ended up becoming a noble God.

I also gotta vent about that last episode - https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761299089485889536/supernatural-season-15-the-bitter-end-series

[warpedpuppeteer]

i just don't trust these major network showrunners and writers to actually write buddie to its logical and rightful conclusion. I've followed so many shows and observed so many fandoms over the years, so many amazingly layered characters with extraordinary bonds that spawned popular and beloved ships. And each and every one of those ships were used to bait viewers without ever going canon, this way they get the views from the ship fans as well as the more general fans. The only difference in 911 is they somehow managed to make Buck canonically bi, which is a huge deal for a main male lead on a network procedural show. Yet they immediately slapped him with an underdeveloped character who has zero onscreen chemistry with buck, and relegated their relationship to the background entirely. Almost like the networks's checking off a box and being done with it.

if buddie is in the grand plan, I feel like there should've been some onscreen textual hints already this season after buck came out. But there's been nothing from any of the characters, and it's just heartbreaking. I'll remain a buddie truther for the rest of my life, but it really does feel like the show is trying to draw the line in the sand to say "buck and Eddie are bros only," even if the way the show does this is to forcibly retcon/erase all of the buddie buildup over all these seasons.

Sorry Non for not answering this for awhile. I absolutely understand where you're coming from as I've also been a part of fandoms for a long time especially ones who gleefully use queerbaiting to keep fans interested. I think the biggest difference between 911 and other shows is that generally other shows don't have any queer characters or only minor queer characters. 911 however has a main queer couple (henren) and plenty of side queer characters/pairs as well. So that's an advantage for us; this means they're very much open to a queer storyline.

We've gotten bi Buck which is a very big deal for not only queer representation but also in regards to Buddie. The are clearly aware this is something we want and they've told us that it has been discussed in the past for Eddie to be queer as well so they have definitely at some point discussed making Buddie canon. The actors are down for this as well (Oliver no. 1 buddie truther). The setback seems to have come from the network before so it couldn't happen. But things are changing with the new network.

The reason I think they haven't made Buddie canon yet is that it was simply too short of a season for them to do so. Also it seems like there have been a lot of issues with this season and a lot of it was written hastily. Tim probably had completely different stories in mind for the characters but I guess things like scheduling issues put a wrench in it (Natalia's actress had a scheduling issue and the issue with Marisol's actress). I think Tim had planned completely different arcs for Buck and Eddie in regards to their relationship but had to just do whatever to finish the season because of the issue with the actresses. I think he introduced Tommy as a sort of placeholder for the moment because they couldn't expand Buck's bi story just yet. This was also probably to test the audiences' acceptance of a main character being queer after 6 seasons and to test how much leeway they have with the network. This doesn't mean I agree with what he did because I actually hate it lol. Leaving them both single would have made much more sense than introducing another shit character/actor who only created a divide in the fandom and brought in absolute weirdos into it.

Honestly I could go on forever on why I think Buddie being canon is in the books but for now all I can say is that don't give up just yet! I personally think there's been a lot of deliberate choices this season that were made to jump start the 'making Buddie canon process'. Give it another season at least! If they don't get together, I'm hoping there would at least be a CLEAR indication that they're heading there towards the end of season 8. If they don't do anything of that sort then we can consider giving up on them and living happily in our fanon bubble. But for now stay with us! There's much hope yet!!

Also sorry if this got rambly and doesn't make much sense! My inbox is always open and you can shoot me a message if you wanna discuss or vent more!

[chronicbeans]

I'm currently looking at Lucifer and wondering how exactly he's going to develop in the whole plot of Hazbin. Not necessarily PLOT development (example: getting past Lilith, getting closer to Charlie, etc.), more like personality traits that are either going to be revealed or developed overtime.

(Okay this got a lot longer than I expected, so um... here's a read more lol. I guess this is a sort of character development inference...?)

I really like the idea that every character in Hazbin has good and bad traits, despite being in Heaven or Hell. For example, we have Angel Dust. He's a nice person, but he does have problems opening up to people (understandable given his past), as well as giving into bad vices and pushing people away. So, we've seen Lucifer's tendencies of neglecting to connect with others, but being a good person and genuinely wanting connections, especially with his daughter.

HOWEVER, I am interested in whether or not they are going to do anything with the fact that he is the Sin of Pride. I've seen a few mention how the other Sins we've seen are a bit of the opposite of their sin. Ozzie is the Sin of Lust, but unlike how a lot of people would probably view the embodiment of lust, he values consent and can make genuine romantic connections. Queen Bee is Gluttony, but does care that people at her party do not overindulge to the point that they get hurt.

However, for many of the Sins so far, they do engage with their sins in their own way. Ozzie still does indulge in lust, just while caring for every party's consent (thank God he's not a Valentino. We love that for Ozzie). Queen Bee does indulge in vices like drinking and partying to what could be seen as a negative extent, with what seems to be her limit being that no one gets hurt. Otherwise, it seems to be fair game for her.

So, for Lucifer, I'm loving how we all see him as a total Smol Bean. So far, he is a total Smol Bean. However, I'm totally anticipating SOMETHING that might be like... a bombshell for our depressed blorbo's character. Specifically, that something may be a few prideful/narcissistic tendencies coming through. Like him trying to get more attention on himself, now that he's finally taken a step out of his workshop and gotten some attention from not only his daughter, but her friends.

He may not be like "YO I'M FUCKING AWESOME GUYS LOOK AT ME" sorta prideful, but maybe more of a "Guys I'm so awful and I feel horrible and I have so many problems give me comfort" sorta... well, not really prideful, but more so manipulative and attention seeking. Possibly without even knowing it, either, considering how him and Charlie seem similar in being well meaning so far. So, if he does development a sort of manipulative tendency in order to get attention towards him, he may not even realize that's what is happening. He might just think "I feel bad and have to complain. After all, I know my family and her friends can help cheer me up!"

I think it'd be pretty interesting, at least. Like, so far, Lucifer is the complete opposite of what you'd expect the Sin of Pride to be. He's depressed, self-conscious, and has probably been isolating himself from everybody that COULD give him attention for years. However, much like the other Sins are still the embodiment of what they represent, he's still the Sin of Pride. He probably still engages, or will develop ways to engage in traits you'd see in pride. So, him using his pre-existing traits, whether unintentionally or not, to get attention would be interesting to see. It'd still keep a lot of his character together while showing that he can still have flaws that are unlikeable. (It'd probably also put into perspective Charlie's line about him only really when he's bored or needs Charlie to do something. Like, it could be that he just isn't good at talking to people, including Charlie, but it could also be linked to his identity as the Sin of Pride if his personality does go this route).

[ardenrabbit]

Hello!

A Long and Slow Recovery - are we past the halfway point? I am so excited to see how everything turns out. Did you do a lot of research to delve into Xie Lian’s experience with recovery? It’s very well written with regard to his mental and emotional struggles. Also , I just love how you write Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s interactions.

Those Worthy of Following( new name change!) - I gushed about it in your comment section but need to emphasize how much I love that opening chapter with the dual between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. And this dynamic, of Hua Cheng being the prince, and Xie Lian being the bodyguard, is A+++. Xie Lian is so calm and kind and powerful. He was so fierce about Hua Cheng not talking down about himself. Like,yes gege, please show your Hua Cheng how precious he is, haha. I ❤️ reading Xie Lian showing his protectiveness of Hua Cheng, even from the man himself. I’m also keen to see how Feng Xin and Mu Qing will take to Xie Lian in this verse too.

Is there anything else you can share about it that’s not spoilers? If not, that’s fine too!

Your writing is just delicious - a pleasure, something to savor and come back to again and again.

Thank you!

Omg thank you so much 💕😭💕 Your comments are always such a delight!! It's so validating and encouraging and I hope you know that!!

We are indeed past the halfway point in alasr! I honestly just kind of know what happens in a big blob with like half a dozen bullet points, so I don't have a final chapter count ready, but Chapter 20 is basically the start of the second half of the story. I originally thought the fic was gonna end at just about the New Year celebration, but it turns out his recovery is taking a lot longer than that, and his recovery isn't even the only one we're dealing with now, so I got ambitious. The premise also uh deserves a little more closure and resolution than that lol, so Arc 2 is gonna be a little higher stakes than we've had so far.

I'm so glad you're enjoying how I'm writing Xie Lian and his recovery! Haha I did research a variety of other conditions and disabilities and read accounts from people who have them, because that's just good research. Honestly, though, inspiration for the vast majority of Xie Lian's mental/emotional struggles have been sourced from firsthand experience :)

I'm mentally and physically disabled and have been my whole life, and I wasn't even diagnosed with anything (I was somehow just diagnosed with Teenager) until I hit rock bottom about it in adulthood. I've gotten to a better place with the mental stuff, but even though it's no longer an active threat to me, my bad days can still leave me nonverbal, disconnected from reality, and sometimes catatonic. The physical stuff has been getting worse over the years, and even though I can still walk independently with a cane when I leave the house (as long as I rest a lot), I still fall down just walking in my own home. I keep having to remember that my chronic pain and fatigue isn't normal, and I keep getting evidence that I'm worse than I thought. I've had to reorganize my life around all of it and I'm uh. Not taking it well lately lol.

So alasr is my self-therapy project. Xie Lian is going to get better and I'm not, and that still kind of pisses me off lol, but it's nice to vent and see someone else get a happy ending. So...yeah, at least writing alasr has helped distract me from my own pity party, and Xie Lian's anger, despair, guilt, and forced optimism are cathartic for me. It's not just about me, though; obviously I'm trying to stay in character for him and write in the context of his specific circumstances. But I guess I relate to sick fic stuff lol

Fully aware that that was a lot of oversharing 💜

But ANYWAY, AS FOR ✨ THOSE WORTHY OF FOLLOWING ✨ I'm so glad you're liking that one so far too!! I craaaaave protective badass Xie Lian and I needed a different brand of angst and drama from alasr for a while lol. I love writing violence tbh. I don't wanna spoil too much, but I definitely wanna confirm this:

TWOF is NOT a post-canon reincarnation fic. I'm personally not up for writing that kind of loss of all their canon experiences. And there are probably some really well-written takes on it! It's just not personally my speed. 😅 This one might seem like a post-canon reincarnation fic in the first couple chapters, but it'll make more sense soon.

It IS angst with a HAPPY ending, I promise!! What I'm planning right now gets really rather sad and it might seem hopeless at some point, but I promise, I'm confident in my plan to make it genuinely happy and fulfilling!

I'm exploring a trope about which I've had some general hangups, but I honestly enjoy taking tropes and tweaking them to my preferences. I think a lot of people can already guess what trope I'm talking about, which is fine with me! If it means the buildup and foreshadowing are working, I'm happy it fits!

What I'm panicking about with this wip is that I've convinced myself that I need to earn a doctorate in Tang Dynasty battle and siege tactics to write it credibly lmao. I spent three hours the other night researching ancient Chinese fire starters and the differences between Han and Tang era tea preparation (to little avail). This one is gonna take a lot of research for my own peace of mind but I hope it pays off!

Mu Qing and Feng Xin are gonna be okay!! Someone commented on ch2 that they liked that Mu Qing got hurt because they hate him and I'm like...I didn't think I'd framed that as a good thing..... 😅 That was something a Bad Guy did.......... 😅😅😅

Thank you so much for your kind comments and all of the fun engagement!! I'm truly so honored that you've enjoyed my writing so far! 💖💖💖

[castlebyersafterdark]

i really love your realisticness about what we could actually get in s5 when it comes to byler spice. lover's lake is a perfect set up, and i agree that peak romance being needed. although the reason i've always been in the spicy camp is because, to me, the more we see, the less explicit/dirty/spicy/lewd it will be?

cutting to black like jancy is too... dismissive, almost. it implies that the couple has found peace and simply needs to do the deed, and that the sex quality didnt matter, only that they did it. but surely the conflict for mike and will IS the question of hiccups and doubts even during? Can we, should we, do this? i think that what we DO need to see IS the fumbling, IS the constant glances at each other to make sure it's ok, IS the hand grabbing another hand and tentatively guiding it down to the crotch, probably over clothes, etc! i want to see their relationship literally transform before my eyes. and i think we need to see that hesitation and fear mixed with excitement in their eyes even during the act, that inexplicable oxymoron that is first desire and losing your virginity.

the first shadow REALLY plays up the idea of desire and intense emotion making electricity and lights go haywire, and it was sometimes done tongue in cheek as an obvious sex joke (the whole theatre laughed). its sooooo duffers to use this for will and mike. what better metaphor than the whole hawkins power grid sparking out because mike made will come so hard he literally BLACKED OUT?? and it doesnt need to be kinky or lewd! it could be over for will in 10 seconds as soon as mike touches him, but that doesnt make it less intense or hot - but the important thing is that will came because of the emotional intensity of them having sex, not just the physical sensation. i think this is the difference between gratuitous and meaningful movie sex.

and then the actual climax (lol) of that emotional arc will be their peace and contentment AFTER its done, so we also need to see the post-sex scene. you mentioned shy smiles and doing up a belt, but i think they deserve a whole night together. i would love love love to see them waking up together, maybe even accidentally thwarting a mission somewhat because they left their walkie talkies in another room? idk. something that ties it into the plot well.

a quick fumble can be sexy but i don't think byler need that - it keeps them too in the friends category, and the audience needs to know for sure that their relationship has transformed into something else and can never go back. THIS is a coming of age arc. their first time can't resemble a one night stand in any way. i also think will wouldn't be able to emotionally cope with sleeping with mike in a barn in the afternoon and then just going back about his day. i think he would need at least one business day and night to process it lol. will's sleep quality has also been a big theme of the show - imagine if he sleeps with mike and wakes up in his arms the next morning having slept soundly for the first time since he was 12???? literal perfection.

I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS - I tried to be realistic in my assessment/predictions but I guess I'm just trying to set the bar low to either be happy with what we get or surprised if it exceeds expectations. But this ship deserves the world. They deserve care and peak romance and softness and it to be the moment. Truly, there is so much more going on in the show but I really do believe that byler is the heart of the show, a major turning point and overarching theme so I do hold out the hope that they get something really beautiful. What a waste, if not?

I compare to the 2 sex scenes we've gotten because that's the only frame of reference for that sort of romance we've really seen - but in actuality, yeah, it doesn't really make sense for a repeat or an homage. They'd get their own moment. Gosh, you've described some wonderful direction and context and potential imagery for the scene. I especially love "will's sleep quality has also been a big theme of the show - imagine if he sleeps with mike and wakes up in his arms the next morning having slept soundly for the first time since he was 12" LIKE??? Oh that's fantastic. Your brain. My heart ahhh. Wouldn't that just be the loveliest? How indicative of their relationship as a whole, and one of the classic pillars of romance - "find someone with whom you can rest." Ahh. That's what they are to each other, aren't they? Mike - running from himself, from society, from guilt, from his feelings, from danger. Will - plagued by nightmares, and hate, always looking over his shoulder for monsters and humans alike. Have them express their love not just emotionally, but physically, but then let them rest. With each other.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I hate to nitpick the Atsushi hallucinating scene in the new episode cause it was SO well done otherwise, but I'm still really sad that they cut out Francis being there. Like... it's not entirely necessary, I guess, but it just adds so much to his character and to the scene itself?

The Francis in Atsushi's mind is this looming, intimidating presence, because Atsushi did of course fight against him, he was his enemy at one point, but I think it undeniably says a lot that he's even included here at all.

I'm pretty sure I saw this discussed back when this chapter first came out, but while everything Atsushi's hallucinations say to him are framed as negative, putting him down, they can also be read as letting him know that the burden of responsibility for making such a huge decision isn't on him (hence why he decides to let Fukuzawa decide instead, because he can't make THE choice, but he can still choose to act to let someone else decide, and not simply do nothing), and Francis is no exception in this regard. Since he's naturally haughty and arrogant in his personality, this fake version of him doesn't at all feel out of character, coldly saying that "nobody expects anything of you", but again, I think this line especially can also be read as "you are not expected to do anything". In that way, it feels more reassuring, and maybe even dare I say kind -- the fact that Atsushi even considers him important enough of a figure in his life to think of what he would say to him in this moment means that he counts Francis among his allies now. Yes, they didn't get along at first when Francis lied and told him that he only wanted to revive Margaret just so she could kill Hawthorne (because god forbid he actually admit out loud that he cares about people, smh), and obviously because of the whole almost burning Yokohama down and trying to kill him and Akutagawa thing lol, but I'm pretty sure Atsushi changed his mind about him after he saw the state Margaret was in, and recognized how much Francis cares about her and wanted her to be alright. He probably still remembers him talking about his desire to bring back his daughter and save her and his wife, too. The guy still probably isn't someone Atsushi would want to hang out with and be buddy-buddy with during his free time lmao, but the airheaded vain old sport still has a good heart, deep down, and I think Atsushi has seen this by now, because he's a kind person, and so I think it speaks volumes that he unconsciously looks to him for advice here. Francis is just a really good and underrated character, and this is such a small but meaningful moment that shows his development so well, the only moment with him we've gotten or any of the Guild really in such a long time, so it makes me sad to see this cut 💔

I also just feel like not including him kind of weakens the impact of Akutagawa's appearance here?? Like, there's a progression of the order of people Atsushi hears/sees in this scenes: first, people from the ADA sans Dazai, who are all portrayed as on the same level, because he cares about them all equally, aside from I guess Kyouka (again, sans Dazai, the most important person to him). Then, there is Francis, and not to say that Francis is more important to Atsushi than the ADA, obviously not, but he's one of the last to appear because he used to be his enemy, and so he commands much more of a presence, has more of an impact -- but at the same time, like I said, it's complicated: he's not really his enemy anymore, but something between a rival and a friend, and so for that reason his words carry more weight. He is someone Atsushi, logically, shouldn't trust, after what he did to him in the past, and yet he does, because things have changed since the Guild arc, and he knows he can count on him to be there for him and the ADA now.

And then, after him, there is Akutagawa. Who is basically exactly the same as everything I just described for Francis, but times one hundred. Of course Akutagawa would be last. Of course, if there's someone Atsushi would simultaneously and paradoxically be both intimidated by and yet comforted to hear their advice because of their tumultuous history together, far more than Francis, it would be Akutagawa. The progression of ADA members > Francis > Akutagawa in that order gives Akutagawa's appearance much more weight imo than just going straight to him from the ADA members, especially with the specific framing of him standing in line behind Francis to judge/advise Atsushi.... it's just much more powerful, and I wish they'd kept it like this, for both Francis and Aku's characters.

[lovebigthings]

This is going to be a decently long one. I just have to get something out/ask for insight. This involves a real life friend of mine that I was so sure had his toes in the gainer life, at least in some way. I'll break it down in mostly point form.

This started last year. I was around 150lbs at 5’7. Pretty small, I have a natural wide/barrel build but can't really be confused for chubby, especially at this point. He would always call me chubby, and assume I was bigger/heavier than I was. It wasn't until we went shopping together that he saw I was actually wearing 28 waist jeans and small/XS shirts.

This progressed slightly when I became a regular at the gym and bulked up, again, couldn't really be confused with fat at this stage. The comments increased, including little gestures like him puffing up his cheeks and pretending to have a belly pushed out into his lap. 

He then started showing pictures of his brother who did go on a very chubby dirty bulk. He seemed to be fascinated with it. This inspired him to go on his own bulk. He's a short guy as well, and his goal was 200lbs. This is pretty big for someone just pushing 5’8. He also didn't go to the gym so it was interesting he was talking about this bulk. I watched his eating increase a lot and he did put, what I'd guess was 20-25lbs, on over a few months. He carried it well.

We both ended up having to move back to our respective homes. But we stay in regular contact. Mostly via text or Snapchat. Over those conversations it was been brought up many times. But both he or myself. Pictures exchanged, in a platonic way, where it was clear that he was putting on weight. Or that I had bulked up. Comments exchanged, compliments. All to do with how big or chubby. 

I remember one time telling him about seeing a guy that looked like him, if he was fat. A good 50lbs bigger than him. He responded with ‘damn, goals’. 

He specifically saved a few pictures of me where I was looking particularly chubby. Angles and all that. 

I went to visit him and some friends this winter. Whilst there when it was just us we were looking at pictures from our hike and he said things like ‘damn, I look big…like chubby’ to which I would reply with ‘okay big girl’. 

On Instagram, he's not super active, but I will send him memes and reels. I will often send him food related ones, food motivation ones, or ones of just chubby dudes and dudes on a bulk and say ‘goals’ or ‘inspo for you’ and he'd reply with ‘damn, he's big’ and like them.

I'm sure there's many many other instances I'm forgetting and leaving out but I don't want this to get too long. We've been buddies for a while. But this sort of came to a halt last night. This friend is straight, I respect that. He's a friend, regardless of if I find him attractive or not, we all have boundaries and I appreciate his. The most it would get would be innocently flirtatious, as boys do. 

So last night I took a screenshot of a comment I left on a popular Instagram account. The user is a fitfluencer who had gotten quite fat on a bulk, and uses the same bulk pictures and videos for his progress often. It was captioned with ‘i took the bulk too far’ to which I replied cheekily with ‘not too far enough’. This comment has received over 4000 likes. I was showing it to my buddy to be like ‘ayy people love em chubby’. 

He asked if that was my goals and I said ‘maybe. But I do find this dude -insert other picture of a very handsome chunky young bear type- looks awesome, but I don't know if I could pull it off. 

He replied ‘damn he's fat af’. I asked ‘is that a bad thing?’ and he said ‘lol depends on your view ig’. 

I said ‘i just think having a belly would be fun. What about you, what's your goals?’ to which he replied ‘to be fit, dadbods ain't for me. At least not yet.’

I said ‘rip the chonky bulk, whatever makes you happy. I thought that was your path.’

He said ‘to get fat? 😂’

I said ‘yeah you've mentioned it before’

And he hit me with ‘that was more of a joke’. 

It went on a bit where I backpeddled and mentioned that I must have misunderstood and stuff. 

But now I'm left feeling a little dumbfounded, stupid, and honestly a tiny bit betrayed in a way because I'm not an idiot. There were certainly signs many times that it was more than a joke. I'm gunna let it cool off and not mention it or talk about it for a while.

But am I just stupid? Like am I overthinking this situation?