#well thank you for indulging me hazel

[teddybeartoji]

Mickeyyyyy 🤍✨ I’m here with a selfship question hehe. What are some cute everyday rituals that mitoru + miji has? Love you ✨

HAZELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HII MY SWEETHEART HIIIIII:333333 OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A SWEET QUESTION I LOVE ITTT:(((((((((((

one thing that mitoru and miji have in common is that we ALWAYS wash up together. i mean like brushing our teeth and doing our skincare yk? we always stand there together, sometimes in silence if we're tired and sometimes we're still babbling on about our days, but the important part is that we're doing it together. both toji and satoru get soooooooooooooooooooo extra clingy when they're sleepy like ooh my godd we're literally glued together lmao i love it

because satoru and i are both a bit bad with remembering to eat, one of our rituals is literally just eating dinner together!!!!!!!! sounds very.. simple very basic but it's incredibly important to us!!!!!! on one hand it's just that we want to make sure the other has eaten but then it's also just about sitting with each other you know?

with toji we always watch at least a few eps of whatever kind of show we've picked out!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes when we're a bit more tired or just not feeling like it, we just watch one and then do something else but most of the time we sit there on the couch all cuddled up, acting like a couple of detectives as we make fun of the characters on the screen<3333333333

i was gonna say that this is smth me and satoru do but then thought that.. toji would also do this with me so this is another little thing that the two selfships have in common hehehe anyway we try to match something we wear every day with each other!!!!!!!!!!! could literally just be that they wear socks the same color as my hoodie or smth yk? like it doesn't have to be something obvious is just smth for ourselves<333333333 it's kind of like carrying a little piece of each other with us as we go to work and run our errands i think it's very cute hehehehe

[pseudowho]

The Wristwatch

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You had not known you were Nanami Kento's girl, until the Wristwatch Incident.

In truth, your affection had been brewing so slowly, you had not known if you were imagining it.

You had not realised you were in love with Kento, until he leaned in close, and you smelled the smoky, wood-rich warmth of him. Until you found yourself nursing stomach-dropping disappointment, if your phone pinged and it wasn't him. Until you woke up in cold sweats, the memory of the dream of his skin on yours so vivid that your heartbeat throbbed between your legs.

You couldn't accept it. It couldn't be love, when he did not love you back. And yet...that intoxicating dance continued, while your head dipped in denial...blinkered.

The extra coffee that would be slid over the desk to you, by a strong, gentle hand. The late night phonecalls, decompressing from the stress of your missions. The occasional dinner in each others' company, because, well...we both need to eat? Why not eat together?

You were afraid to label it; afraid to lose the soft skirting intimacy that you had. Nanami Kento was a hard man to gauge; alternately sincere and distant, warm and cool, closely familiar and objectively analytical. He kept you at arms' length; close enough to brush fingertips, but far enough that you could run...if you wanted. And you never did.

You had gone shopping, together, one balmy spring afternoon. You both needed new clothes...so why not together? It makes sense, really. Nothing else in it, I'm sure. Just friends. He doesn't feel that way about me, anyway.

He had insisted upon Ginza Shopping Mall. You balked at the exquisitely-expensive-upmarketness of it, but you could never deny him, for fear of losing this time together. You had perused for new earrings, your belly clenching at the many zeroes on every pricetag. He had ambled over to another counter, just browsing, and there for quite some time.

"See anything you like?" That deep-roast voice broke you out of your reverie. You looked up, into twinkling hazel eyes, and blushed. Yes, you. One of you, Kento, please and thank you.

"No," you scoffed, turning your back on the jewellery, and walking towards the shop door, "too cheap for me. I couldn't possibly be seen wearing them."

Kento laughed, slipping a box into his pocket, and walking just close enough to send your brain into a spiral. You barely functioned through lunch. Kento remained, as ever, a gentleman.

As he drove you to your door, and you bid him a flustered goodnight, you felt that same big, warm hand on your arm, holding you back to him.

"Wait," Kento insisted, "I have...something. For you. Open it when you're home." He pressed a smooth, embossed box into your hands. You could not see what it was, under the glossy paper sleeve. You opened your mouth to chastise Kento, and he interrupted smoothly.

"It's your birthday soon. Consider it an early gift. You couldn't possibly refuse...?" One raised, fine eyebrow. That cool, impassive gaze. You pouted. Sneaky old goat.

"Alright. You win this time, Kento...but I'll get you back," you had promised. He had simply smiled indulgently, stepped out to open your door, and watched you until you were inside.

With trembling hands, you slid the smooth paper cover off the box, and your stomach somersaulted.

Tag Heuer.

"No...Kento-- you didn't," you hushed to yourself, rushing to open the box.

You fumbled an exquisite silver, blue-faced women's watch out of the box. It seemed, somehow, familiar. You couldn't possibly. You knew the pricetag on these. Even the packaging was too expensive for you.

With one hand over your mouth and a pounding little heart, you sent Kento a text with shaky hands;

Nanami Kento. Absolutely not. Take it back.

A few anxious minutes, pacing, looking at the watch resting on the table and gasping each time. Three small dot dot dots...dot dot dots...and a response.

Sorry. Lost the receipt. It will look good on you.

Squeaking and grinning to yourself, you tried the watch on. You took it off. You paced. You tried it on again. You fell back onto your bed, legs kicking, and hands over your face.

Every further refusal you send to Kento, was flatly ignored. He left you on read all night.

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The next day, at work, you couldn't help but notice the looks you were receiving. They weren't bad looks, certainly, more...surprise? Happy acceptance? Knowing smiles? Each person the same; glancing to your watch, eyebrows raising, and searching your face with a grin. You didn't understand it.

Over lunch, Shoko reached over to you, a coffee in her other hand, and tapped the new watch on your wrist.

"Couples' watches now, hmm?" She smirked. You frowned, questioning. Shoko scoffed at you, as if you were playing coy, when you didn't even know the rules of the game. Shoko's smile didn't falter once.

You confronted Kento later that afternoon, dragging him into a dusty narrow corridor, and holding the watch up to him with fighting eyes.

Kento's heart burst with pride, biting his lip with a sly smile, and taking your wristwatched hand in his own. He tipped your arm back and forth, admiring the watch on your wrist from all angles, with a lovesick sigh. You suddenly recalled, with flushed cheeks, where you had seen such a similar wristwatch before.

Kento watched your mental gymnastics with a slowly growing smile. You almost caught on fire as he raised your hand to his lips, pressing an adoring kiss to the back of your knuckles.

"Wondered how long you'd take to notice," Kento rumbled, eyed closed and nuzzling his nose against your fingers, "that you're my girl. And always have been."

[lesservillain]

older!alpha!steve harrington x younger!omega!reader

cw: SMUT, omegaverse dynamics, unprotected piv, modern setting, steve is a divorcee and single dad, steve is in his early 40s and reader is in their mid to late 20s an: this is just a self indulgent lil one shot bc i love older men ugh

“She was totally checking you out, by the way.”

Steve pushes the frame of his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his attempt to hide the pink that dusts over his cheeks at Robin’s comment.

“What? No she wasn’t. Don’t do this today.”

The plastic of the menu bends in Steve’s grip by Robin’s ringed fingers. He tries to focus on the suns glare hitting the laminated paper rather than his best friend’s knowing gaze. He hates that she does this to him.

 It wasn’t their first time at this diner, nor was it their first time being waited on by you. What started as Robin’s attempt to get her depressed best friend out of the house after a quick but painful divorce has turned into a regular bi-weekly Sunday outing for the pair. And thanks to Robin’s commitment to a bit, she makes sure to arrive before Steve every time to sit in your section, all because she caught Steve checking you out one time.

“Why don’t you believe me that she likes you?”

“Robin—”

“Steve.” The tired battle of lifting Steve’s confidence was one that Robin refused to lose. “How many times do I have to tell you that you still got it? A little gray hair and a dorky mustache is, like, the new six pack abs for girls in their 20s.”

“Oh, god, do I need to have Hailey touch up my hair already?” Steve’s hands fly to cover the sides of his hair where his grays tended to show the most. The sudden movement sent his menu flying down to land on the floor next to him. 

“Shit—”

“Here you go—”

Skin meets skin when you went to grab the flimsy plastic at the same time as Steve. A shock wave runs from Steve’s finger through the rest of his body, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His hazel eyes jump up to meet yours, and he can feel the breath from your gasp on his cheek. You shoot up, frozen in place as you look down at him. The tension is palpable between you. 

Suddenly, you bolt, leaving Steve still leaning over his seat as he watches you take off out of sight.

“What was that about?” The tone in Robin’s voice had Steve sitting up straight, annoyance clear in his expression.

“What was what, Robin?”

“Um, are we just going to ignore that pheromone drop you just did?”

Steve shifts in his seat, eyes wide as he looks around the diner. A few heads were turned to him, mostly older alpha’s with death glares as their marked omega’s sit blissfully unaware across from them. “Sorry.” He says in a hushed apology, shrinking back into his booth seat.

“Well, at least we have confirmation your girlfriend is an omega,” Robin says over a sip of her coffee. Steve’s ears perk up, but he does his best not to show his interest in the topic of you.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Steve says with a roll of his eyes. “I honestly probably just scared the shit out of her. Did you see how fast she ran off?”

“I’m sure you were watching.” Steve’s head falls back with a scoff, making Robin giggle at his embarrassment. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop now.”

“Thank you.”

“Are we ready to order?”

Robin and Steve turn to the waitress at the end of the table, immediately noticing she’s not you. They give the girl their order, and Steve can’t help but feel some type of way about how you would have just asked them if they wanted their regulars. With a heavy sigh Steve stares at the table’s vintage pattern until Robin calls his name. Her expression is soft, knowing in a way that is both relieving and disheartening.

“Maybe she’s on a break?”

“She hates me.”

“She does not hate you.”

“Yes she does. I’m a grown man who couldn’t control his pheromones all because a pretty girl touched his hand? We should probably just leave.”

Robin grabs Steve’s arm with a laugh as he attempts to make an escape from their booth. “Steve, it’s fine. I doubt you’re the first person that’s done that to her. Just relax.”

Steve sighs and nods. “Okay, okay. I’m good now.”

SPACE

“So you’re good to pick up the girls from practice this week, right? I’m hoping that this project will be wrapped up by Thursday--”

“Of course, Steven,” Robin says as she opens her car door. “You think I’d ever turn down the chance to spend time with one of my favorite nieces?” 

“I just want to make sure. I don’t want to give Becca any ammunition against me, you know.” Steve’s hands flex, thinking back to the argument him and his now ex wife had those months back.

Robin opens her mouth, but decides against whatever she had to say, simply nodding instead. “I’ll see you later, Steve.”

Steve nods back, watching as Robin gets in her car and drives away. He leans back to see her car disappear down the road before swinging his own door open and leaning inside. Reaching into his center console, he pulls out a pack of smokes and a lighter, bringing the butt to his lips and flicking the lighter. The flame refuses to stay, however, the clicking grating his ears with every failed attempt causing him to curse.

“Need a light?”

Steve spins around, bewildered, large hazel eyes like saucers when they land on you. A bright pink lighter sits between your fingers, and with a flick the flame emerges, waiting for him to lean in. He puffs until the heat hit his throat, pulling back to take in a deep drag, letting the smoke blow upward above him. 

When he looks back down at you, you’ve barely moved. Eyes lidded slightly and lips parted just so, almost like you were mesmerized by him. It makes Steve chuckle out of nervousness, not used to being ogled at his “big age” as his daughters would say.

“Thank you,” he says with a smile that seems to bring you back to this planet, eyes blinking rapidly before you pull out your own pack of cigarettes. 

“Yeah, of course.” Your eyes flicker up to him for a moment before giving yourself a light.

“You’re too pretty to be smoking,” Steve says passively, smoke billowing out between his own lips.

You look up at him through your lashes. For a brief moment you look annoyed at his comment and Steve is sure he fucked up again. The words of his oldest going on about how men shouldn’t comment on what women do rings in his ears and he wants to slap himself.

“Well, I could say the same for you.” There’s a teasing lit in your words, but the cute shuffle and bounce combo that you do gives Steve butterflies as it fuels his delusions. 

Channeling his former self, his mind shifts into King Steve mode after 20 years of retirement. He takes a step into your space and internally celebrates when you don’t move away. “Awe, you think I’m pretty?” The tone of his voice surprises him, coming out more sensual than he intended. But your reaction tells him that he must be doing something right.

“You’re definitely nice to look at.” Your words come out even but breathy. Was he really having this effect on you? Maybe Robin wasn’t wrong about him still having it in him.

“Oh, so you like to look at me?”

“Only for about an hour every other Sunday.”

Steve sucks in a breath. The way you’re looking at him right now is making him have thoughts that aren’t appropriate for the very public parking lot of your workplace. But he can’t get over the fact that you’ve been looking at him of all people.

“Is-is that so?” 

“Mhm,” you hum, taking a drag of your cigarette and blowing it out. “Would be nice to look at you for an hour from a different angle sometime.”

Steve coughs on his hit, completely thrown off by your forwardness. But you don’t seem to be deterred, rather you close the gap between the two of you, chests touching as you look up into his eyes.

Lips move in a feverish kiss as Steve pins you against his front door, keys fumbling in his hand as he attempts to unlock it while keeping the two of you connected. You giggle against his neck when he pulls away, leaving a few kisses against his skin as he finally gets the door open. His hands fly to your hips, walking you backwards into his home where his lips crash into yours once again.

“Nice place,” you say as he moves to leave heated kisses against your neck.

“Thanks,” he says between nips on your skin. A low groan pulls from his chest when he feels your hand slide down to palm at his crotch. A smirk forms on his lips at the little gasp you let out when you feel his size, and he bucks his hips into your hand playfully.

In one swift motion he lifts you up and over his shoulder, delighted by your laughter filled squealing as he carries you to his bedroom. Kicking the door open with a gentle shove, he walks you over to his king size bed and plops you down on the comforter. The huge smile and wild look in your eyes spurs him on, all the blood in his body rushing to his dick when you reach your arms out for him. 

Steve pulls off his shirt with haste, and your eyes fix on the healthy patch of hair that covers his chest that tapers down his stomach to where it disappears into his jeans. He feels a little self conscious under your gaze, but the way your tongue darts out of your mouth, licking across your bottom lip has him climbing over top of you to chase it with his own. 

Hands move between your bodies and clothes go flying until the two of you are fully exposed to each other. Steve’s hard, leaking cock presses into your thigh, laying heavy against your already hot flesh. Your fingers run through his soft locks as his mouth attaches to your breast, nipping and biting until his mouth reaches your hardened nipple. 

While his mouth pays your sensitive chest attention, his large hands have wandered down between your legs and began running his fingers through your folds. His fingers skim over your clit with each stroke, sending little jolts through your body.

“God, you’re so wet,” he breathes out, his blown out pupils meeting yours.

“Just for you,” you say with a smirk, one that turns into an open mouth moan when he finally plunges a finger into your waiting cunt. 

There’s no mercy as his fingers move inside of you just right, hitting that spot with a curled finger over and over. Your hands grip his shoulders, instinctively trying to push him away but he doesn’t relent. He just watches the way your face contorts as another thick finger joins in stretching you out for him. 

“So beautiful.” Steve doesn’t even realize he’s said it out loud, but he can’t think of another word to describe the way you look under him. “Doing so good for me, honey.”

His praises send you over the edge and you cum hard on his fingers. The way you squeeze his fingers mixed with the smell of your pheromones releasing has Steve’s cock twitching in anticipation. When you come down from your high, your arms instinctively wrap around his neck and pull him in for sloppy, appreciative kisses. 

“Mmm, gonna need you to fuck me now, big boy,” you say into his ear, tongue licking at his lobe in a way that makes his hair stand up on the back of his neck. Your soft hand slides down between the two of you to grab his cock and pump it a few times in your hand. “Do you have any condoms?”

Steve freezes above you. 

“Um, well no…” he stutters. “Me—uh, my wife— ex wife—,” he looks at you directly with his clarification, “she had her tubes tied so we, um, we never used them so I don’t have—”

You put a finger over Steve’s lips, hushing his babbling immediately. 

“It’s okay,” you say with a sympathetic look, “I understand. We can stop…or.”

“Or?” Steve asks.

“Or, if you don’t care…then I don’t care? Just pull out?”

Steve felt like he was going to bust in your hand as it worked his aching cock. Deep down he knew it was irresponsible. But the way you were making him feel was lowering his inhibitions. And when was the last time he’d ever been reckless? 

“O-okay,” he swallows dryly, “I’m okay with that. But, um, I do want to be transparent with you.” Your head tilts to the side waiting for his response. God, could you be any cuter? “I, um, I haven’t been with an omega in, like, 20 years. So, I just—just know I’m not sure how long I’m going to last, you know…”

“Your wife—”

“Ex wife—”

“Ex wife, she wasn’t an omega?”

Steve shakes his head. He’d never been one to care about second gender dynamics. Sure, there were elements to their alpha x beta relationship that didn’t fulfill him like an omega would, but he loved Becca all the same during their relationship.

You go quiet for a moment, and Steve is sure he’s completely ruined the moment between the two of you. He’s mentally preparing himself to take you back to your car, but you suddenly move beneath him in a way that flips him on his back. He watches as you straddle his lap, your dripping cunt hovering just above his cock where you still have your hand wrapped around it.

“You poor thing,” you say with faux perturbance, lowering down far enough that you can rub yourself against his length. “Gone all these years with no omega to make you feel good?” Steve nods dumbly, completely entranced by the dynamic shift between you. “Do you want me to fix that for you? Wanna fill me up with your alpha cock?”

“Yes—yes, please.” His voice comes out a pathetic, whiny plea as his glassy eyes stay laser focused on yours.

Without warning you sink down onto his cock, both of you moaning out at the sudden connection. Even with him stretching you out on his fingers and the amount of slick your body produced, your tight cunt still squeezes Steve like a vice as you take each inch of him like a champ. You move up and down, working yourself open on him and Steve can barely stand it, wanting to grab your hips and move you himself. But Steve breaths through it, nostrils flared,  until you’re seated completely against him, his cock buried to the hilt inside of you. 

“Hooooly shit,” he breathes out. Steve needs a second to keep himself from cumming too soon, but it’s a second that you don’t spare him as you begin to bounce on his cock. Leaning over him, your hands rest against his chest, giving him the perfect view of your tits as they bounce in his face. 

“Fuck, you’re so big,” you moan out, brows pinching as the head of his cock reaches deep inside of you. “Even for an alpha, you’re s-so fucking big.”

Steve finally lets his hands grip on your hips, but instead of moving you how he wants, he fights against you to still your movements. 

A pout forms on your lips as you look down at him, and Steve wants nothing more than to shove his cock in your mouth to get rid of it. But, you feel too good wrapped around him so he takes his thumb and pushes it past your lips instead. Immediately you begin to suck and mouth on it, slowly grinding your hips against him to get any bit of friction between you.

When he pulls his thumb from your mouth, it lands on your clit to rub slow circles into it. You whine at the stimulation, trying to buck your hips faster in order to chase your high. 

Loosening his grip, he lets you move against him again. Steve watches in awe at the way you come undone above him, picking up the pace on his thumb as you move with little rhyme or reason. He feels your body stiffen, jaw dropping with a silent scream as your cum all over his cock, your slick coating his balls and dripping down onto the bed sheets underneath you.

Steve is generous enough to give you a second to come down before he’s pulling you off of him and back onto the bed. He watches the way your chest rises and falls as you catch your breath, the far off look in your eyes fading away as you look up at him with a satisfied grin.

“Did so good, sweet girl,” Steve says between peppered kisses against your face, making you beam. His gentle hands maneuver your limp body until you're flat on your stomach. He rubs up and down your back until his grip lands on your ass, kneading at the flesh there and spreading you apart for him to admire.

“Such a pretty pussy,” Steve praises. Your body jumps when you feel his fingers run through you again, followed by an almost pained groan. Looking back over your shoulder, you see Steve’s fingers in his own mouth, eyes squeezed shut as he savors the way you taste. “Fucking amazing. Forgot how good omega pussy is.” 

You hum at his words, finding the energy to raise your hips to present yourself to him, wiggling them back and forth. “Why don’t you come get some? Straight from the source.” 

Steve’s eyes go wide with shock. “Really? That’s okay?”

“Of course it is,” you say with a chuckle. “Why would it not be?”

Steve wants to bring up how his ex would only let him go down on her when they had the time, which wasn’t often for two full time parents. But, he didn’t want to bring the mood down by bringing up his wife or how he felt like he might have been bad at it since she never wanted it.

“I just, uh, wanted to make sure. That’s all.”

“Okay,” you say, moving your hips playfully, “Less talking and more doing then.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Steve salutes before diving in tongue first. The taste of you is like divine nectar in his mouth. Something he could see himself getting addicted to if given the opportunity. 

Flattening the thick muscle, he pushes it between your folds and licks a long stripe from your clit to your hole, letting the tip catch on it teasingly. He feels your body shiver under him, sending a confidence boost through his veins that encourages him to keep going.

Another quicker swipe through, but this time he lets his tongue slip into you completely. His thumb makes its way back to your clit, working it in tandem with his tongue in a way that makes you dizzy. Then, they switch places, his lips wrapping around your bud to lick and suck while his fingers curl inside you, his nose right up against your slit.

Steve feels the way you squeeze around him, familiar enough now that he knows your third orgasm is quickly approaching. But the thought of not feeling you cum on his cock has him pulling away from you all together. He laughs when you let out a whine, only for it to turn into a moan when he pushes the head of his cock inside you. He watches the way it pops in, disappearing in your tight cunt as you suck him in.

He wants to take his time with you, but the way you push back against him has him laughing. “Okay, I’m sorry, sweet girl. No more—teasing.” He punctuates the last word with a snap of his hips, thrusting all the way inside of you. His heavy balls audibly slap against your clit. 

Steve manhandles your hips until they’re just where he likes them and begins to pound into you. Not too aggressive, but hard enough that his bed frame hits the wall with every thrust. Your vocalizations echo off the walls in competition, and he’s never been so thankful that his kids were staying with their mom for the weekend, because he doesn’t know what he would do if he had to tell you to stay quiet like he was used to.

“Fuck! Fuck! Steve! Oh my god, fuck me, Steve!”

Steve is sure he can taste blood from how hard he’s biting his bottom lip. His mind feels like it’s turning to mush again, pussy drunk from how right it feels to be inside you. Biology be damned, but he couldn’t deny it.

Slumping forward, Steve’s arms wrap around you and pin you to the mattress below him. His nose presses into the back of your neck, nostrils flaring again as your sweet scent fills them up. Drool spills from his mouth and onto your skin, and every fiber of his being is screaming at him to bite down onto that sensitive spot. He lets a canine drag against it, and he sees the goosebumps forming on your skin. 

“Oh, fuck!” 

Steve feels you cum on his cock, body shaking and eyes rolling back as you cry out. It’s all too much for Steve, bringing him to the edge where he’s about to cum himself. 

He goes to pull out, but struggles as your body pins his arms under you. “Shit, shit!” He panics, only managing to pull out about halfway, unable to stop himself from cumming inside of you. 

Steve knows that he should feel bad, and he probably will once he finally stops cumming. But, at the same time, he’s pretty sure he’s never cum so hard in his life. And before he knows it, he feels the blood rushing into the base of his cock where it begins to swell. He pulls out of you just enough that his knot sits snugly against your hole, practically begging to be inside of you.

“Holy shit, did you knot?” You pant against his bed sheets, turning your body to look back at him.

“Y-yeah,” He pushes himself off of you, sitting back on his knees. He looks at the way his knot is pressed against your entrance, feeling only a slight resistance when he rocks forward a bit.

“I’m surprised you pulled it out,” you say, giving him a look that he isn’t sure how to read. Heat creeps all over his body as the guilt starts to set in.

“I was trying to pull all the way out, I promise. I’m so sorry. We can stop at the drugstore on the way back to your car and—”

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay.” 

He feels the way you push back into his knot, rocking back and forth on his still hard length while his cum subtly starts to leak out of you. 

“Yeah?” He asks again, eyes locked on his knot as you work yourself open on it. You’re so tight, but he can feel the resistance starting to give. Maybe if he just…

“Oh my god!” You squeal out. With one hard thrust, Steve was able to push his knot fully inside of you until it locks in place. Whether it be the natural connection between an alpha and an omega or, if your pussy was just that good, Steve can’t help but cum again, filling your already stuffed pussy up with more of his seed. 

“It’s…it’s..”

“What is it, Stevie baby,” you ask in a sugary sweet voice, mind clearly on cloud nine from the soft look on your face. 

“It’s just, it’s been so long…so long since I’ve felt like…”

“Awe, come’er,” you motion for him to lay with you, and Steve follows your command, taking you in a strong arm and maneuvering you both comfortably onto your sides. Underneath the covers, the two of you hold each other like you’ve been doing this for years rather than being a random Sunday afternoon hookup. The hairs of his mustache tickle the skin on your shoulder where he leaves kisses over and over again.

The two of you are quiet as you lay there in his bed. Steve’s mind races as the post nut clarity kicks in. Guilt plagues his brain first, but not in the way he thought it would. He thought he would feel guilty about sleeping with someone he didn’t vow his life to almost 20 years ago, but that’s not the case. Instead he feels guilty wishing he’d not wasted all those years with someone who couldn’t make him feel like this. All those years of putting her needs first…

“Are those your daughters?”

Steve’s head pops up to look over yours. Following your gaze, he sees the picture in question—well, he can’t see it clearly, his glasses being lost in the shuffle to get here. But, he knows what picture you’re talking about. It’s a picture of him and his two daughters, Hailey and Kristina, at their soccer tournament when they were 9 and 7 respectively. Their team had won 2nd place, but the both of them didn’t care because their dad had shown up to watch them play. It’s one of his favorite pictures of the three of them.

“Yeah, those are my girls,” Steve says with pride.

“They’re cute.” You look back at him with a smile, “They definitely get their looks from you.”

Steve feels the heat on his cheeks and ducks his head. “Thank you. Do, uh, do you have any kids?”

“Nope,” you say with a shake of your head. “Well, not yet at least.”

“Again, I am so, so sorry—” You bark out a laugh at his embarrassment and Steve tries to ignore the way you squeeze him.

“I’m just teasing, Steve.”

“Oh-okay,” he settles, daring to squeeze you a little tighter to him. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” you say excitedly, taking his hand in yours and rubbing circles into the back of his hand.

“Well, okay actually it’s, like, a series of questions. But, I guess the first one is…why me?”

“Why you? Like, why did I sleep with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Um, partly because you’re, like, really, really hot.”

Steve laughs at that, “Should’ve seen me when I was your age.”

“I’m sure you were super hot then, too. But you look like one of those guys who gets better with age.”

“Thanks…”

“Anyway, I also slept with you because you’re always really nice when you and your friend come in. I thought maybe you were, but honestly I couldn’t tell if you were flirting with me or not. I also wasn’t sure if you and her were dating and I didn’t want to embarrass myself so I never said anything. But when you pheromone bombed me earlier…I had to take my break because I thought I was going to go into heat.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about that, too,” Steve internally scolds himself for forgetting about that. “Forty two years old and I can’t even contain myself. Acting like I’m a newly presenting alpha again.”

“It’s okay…honestly it was kinda hot. That’s why when I saw you leaving, I thought ‘Fuck it, might as well shoot my shot.’ Glad I did.”

Steve is trying his damnedest to stay collected, he really is. But the more you talk about wanting to pursue him, the more he feels like he needs to get away from you before he falls for you. He knows it’s just the pheromones and the fact that he hasn’t felt wanted since Becca left him, but damn does it feel good to have someone want him.

He feels you snuggle back against him. You look over your shoulder at him with a sly expression. 

“Ready for round two already?” You say with a teasing lit. His eyes go wide.

“What?” He asks with a nervous chuckle.

“I’m just kidding,” you say, sticking your tongue out at him.  “Just felt like you got harder when I was talking about how I wanted you.”

Steve sucks in a breath. “I mean, if I can get this knot to go down enough…” It’s been a long while since Steve’s been able to go for a second round. But, he’s pretty sure he’d do anything you asked him right now.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind this for a little bit longer.”

The two of you ended up fucking for a good majority of the afternoon. At some point Steve fell asleep inside you, leaving you to scroll through his barely touched instagram until his knot went down again. He warned you that pictures of his wife were still on there since he didn’t know how to delete them. But when you told him you didn’t care about his past he ended up fucking you again, which is how you ended up in the position you’re in now.

When Steve rouses from his nap, he’s sad to find you not in bed with him. It felt good having someone to share his bed with again. A king size mattress is too big for only one person to occupy Steve has thought many nights now.

Steve puts on a pair of gray sweats and a tee shirt and searches the house for you. He gets a little nervous when he doesn’t find you anywhere. With a slight panic, he runs back to his room and checks his clothes from earlier. When everything was still in his pockets he grabbed his phone to see if you’d texted him that you were leaving. That was until he remembered that he never asked for your number…

Plopping down on the edge of the bed, he grabs his phone and taps the screen. The picture of Hailey and Kristina opening gifts at Robin’s house over Christmas break comes up, making him smile. But when he looks at the bottom of the screen, he sees the little notification bubble and scrolls up. 

His eyes widen when he sees your name attached to a text message. He opens the message quickly, squinting his eyes to see the screen without his glasses on. 

wanted a smoke so I’m sitting in your car hope that’s okay ♥️

Steve is up instantly, grabbing his coat and house slippers before pushing out the front door. He saw you in his passenger seat, bundled up in your coat with a cigarette still lit between your fingers. You were on the phone with someone, distracted as you looked out the front window. He could hear you speaking with someone through the cracked window.

“Yeah, the older guy. The divorced one…Girl, oh my goooooood…I will when I see you later. He’s so hot though…I don’t know. I kinda hope so. Like I’m sure my parents would be so pissed if I started dating a guy in his 40s…I don’t know. But girl we went at it for hooouuuursss, so I hope so.”

Steve was sure his face was the same shade of red as a tomato. He could hardly believe a girl was sitting in his car talking about how much she liked him to presumably one of her friends. And you were talking about dating?

“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

The words come out on their own. Your head snaps to look at him, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. You mutter a quick good bye to your friend and open the car door.

“S-sorry, I was talking to my friend. What did you say?”

Steve debated on back tracking. There’s no way you could be serious about liking him, so why embarrass himself, or even scare you off by taking things further. You were right, you were old enough that your parents wouldn’t approve even if you both wanted it. As a father of two girls, he can’t help but think about how he would feel if one of them brought home someone at least 15 years older than them…

“Steve?” The way you looked at him had him folding in an instant.

“I asked if you wanted to go on a date with me.”

A smile played at the ends of your mouth. “Really?” You ask coyly. “This isn’t just some little fantasy thing for you? Older man hooking up with a younger girl to make himself feel better?” Steve shook his head.

“God, no. Those aren’t my intentions at all.” Steve’s hand reaches out for yours, which you gladly take, swinging them between the two of you. Steve clears his throat before looking you in the eye as he speaks.

“I’m not the type of guy that does…” He gestures vaguely towards his house. “Does the hook up thing. At least I haven’t been in a good while.”

“I knew you were a player when you were younger,” you say with a cheeky smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He laughs.

“I saw a picture that your friend Robin tagged you in on her instagram of the two of you back in the day and…” You gave him a look that made him duck his head. 

“I guess you could say that I was a bit more debaucherous back in my early twenties. But, I think the longevity of my marriage should stand as testament that I am capable of being a loyal, faithful partner to the right person.”

“And you want to see if I could be a candidate for that “right person” position?”

“Mmm, that sounds like you’d need to convince me.” He pulls you into him, looking down at you as you’re pressed against him. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve already got me hooked on you. Just need to prove to you that this old man is worth keeping around.”

The way your smile crinkles your eyes as you look up at him has Steve’s heart fluttering. And when you reach up to kiss him, that fluttering swells into a blooming warmth that runs through his veins the second your lips touch.

“Well, when and where does this “old man,” you echo his words with finger quotes, “want to have this date, hmm?”

The two of you iron out the details over a smoke in Steve’s warm car, and continue to talk well past the setting of the sun. Eventually, Steve takes you back to your car, where the two of you make out parked next to it until you’re pretty sure you hear your closing coworkers coming out the back door from the end of shift.

Steve makes you promise to text him when you get home to make sure you got there safe. You throw a casual “sure thing, dad” at him, and as he watched you get in your car he has to question himself as to why he liked you calling him that…

thank you for reading.

[muiitoloko]

Could you please write dancing in the living room with Alan rickman? Like maybe started as reader trying to give him a sexy lap dance but the phone was accidentally on shuffle and it changed to random songs that changed the mood from sexy to playful and Alan join reader and they dance together and just goof around?

Thanks!!!

Title: Uptown Love

Summary: An evening of wine and romance takes a hilarious turn when Bruno Mars crashes the mood, reminding you and Alan that the best moments are often unplanned.

Pairing: Alan Rickman �� Fem! Reader

Warnings: None

Author's Notes: Thank you for your request.

Also read on Ao3

The warm glow of the fireplace bathed the living room in a soft, flickering light, casting an intimate atmosphere over the space. Alan sat on the plush couch, his long legs stretched out, a half-full glass of red wine in his hand. His cheeks were faintly flushed, a combination of the wine and the way you’d been teasing him all evening with subtle, sultry touches and lingering looks.

When you pushed him gently back onto the couch, his hazel eyes widened with curiosity, his hooked nose twitching slightly in amusement. “What are you up to now?” he asked, his baritone voice smooth and laced with playful suspicion.

You smirked, grabbing your phone from the coffee table. “I want to dance for you,” you said boldly, your heart pounding as you scrolled through your playlist to find the perfect song.

Alan raised an eyebrow, leaning back with an indulgent grin as he swirled the wine in his glass. “Well, don’t let me stop you,” he murmured, his eyes already gleaming with excitement. He took a sip of his wine, his gaze fixed on you as you stood before him, a picture of confidence and allure.

The music started—a slow, sultry beat that filled the room with an undeniable heat. You began to sway to the rhythm, your movements deliberate and teasing, your eyes never leaving his. Alan’s breath hitched, his hazel eyes darkening as he watched you, his hand tightening around the stem of his glass.

“Good God,” he muttered under his breath, his hooked nose flaring slightly as his gaze followed the curve of your hips. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

You smiled wickedly, turning your back to him as you rolled your body to the beat, your hands trailing over your curves. Alan set his glass down, clearly too captivated to bother holding it anymore. His lips parted, and you could see the faint rise and fall of his chest as his breathing grew heavier.

“Keep going,” he urged, his baritone voice low and gravelly. “Don’t you dare stop.”

You felt emboldened by his reaction, your movements becoming more sensual as the song reached its peak. Alan was completely enthralled, leaning forward slightly as though drawn to you by an invisible force. “You’re bloody magnificent,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “Every movement—Christ, you’re perfect.”

The song was winding down, the mood electric, and you were just about to step closer to him, ready to finish your performance with a seductive flourish, when suddenly—an upbeat, unmistakably cheerful tune blared from your phone.

"This hit, that ice cold / Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold!"

Your heart dropped. "Uptown Funk" by Bruno Mars had taken over, shattering the sultry mood like a brick through a window. You froze, your eyes wide with mortification, and then turned to look at Alan, your cheeks burning. “Oh my God,” you stammered, fumbling with your phone. “I didn’t—I forgot the playlist was on shuffle!”

For a moment, there was silence. Then Alan laughed—a rich, deep, belly laugh that filled the room and made your embarrassment melt just a little. “Oh, darling,” he said, rising from the couch, his hazel eyes twinkling with amusement. “Don’t you dare turn it off.”

“What?” you said, blinking at him as he grabbed your hand, pulling you close. “Alan, this isn’t sexy at all!”

“Who says it has to be?” he countered, his baritone voice warm with laughter. “Come on, love. Let’s have some fun.”

Before you could protest, he spun you around, his movements surprisingly fluid for a man of his age. He held you close for a moment, his hands firm but gentle on your waist, then stepped back to do a playful, exaggerated twirl.

“Don’t believe me, just watch!” he sang along, his deep voice comically out of sync with the upbeat tune.

You couldn’t help but laugh, your earlier embarrassment fading as Alan moved with a surprising amount of energy and charm. He grabbed your hands, pulling you into a silly but endearing dance that had you both laughing uncontrollably.

“You like this song?” you teased, your voice breathless as he dipped you dramatically.

“I bloody love it,” he declared, grinning as he pulled you back up. “It’s a masterpiece. And you, my darling, are my dance partner for life.”

Alan twirled you again, and you found yourself completely caught up in the moment, the two of you moving together in a way that was both ridiculous and utterly perfect. He sang along to the lyrics, his deep, rumbling voice making you giggle, and when he spun you into his arms for the final note, he held you close, his hazel eyes softening as he looked down at you.

“You’re wonderful, you know that?” he said, his voice quieter now, though still tinged with amusement. “Even when you accidentally ruin the mood.”

You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. “And you’re ridiculous,” you replied, leaning up to kiss him softly. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As the song faded, Alan pulled you into a warm embrace, his hands resting on your lower back. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he murmured, his voice deep and full of affection.

You rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “I could say the same about you,” you whispered, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the fireplace.

The night may not have gone as planned, but as you danced together to the sound of laughter and love, you realized it had turned out even better.

[roseamongroses]

trompe-l'œil

Tags: Melvika/ Mafia Au if u squint / Implied Violence / Mild Sexual Content / One Night Stand / Sevika Does Not Get Paid Enough / no beta we die like Viktor / mel's pretty privilege / One Shot / flashbacks and flash forwards / resolved tension but at what cost / 2k

Summary:

Two women, a bar, a midnight tryst, and a lot of unanswered questions.

-

ao3

-

“Is--is the bar closed?” A sliver of a voice asked, hoarse and uncertain as she approached.

Sevika looked up, annoyance rolling off her in waves.

It was bad enough that tonight was already fucking horrible. A bachelor’s party for some tough-shit Enforcer wrecked the place earlier. The whole group filled with shit personalities and shittier tips. Of course some dumb-ass was trying to get in at closing, as if they don’t see the keys in her-

Huh.

All sharp words died on her tongue as she turned around.

Gorgeous.

The woman was undeniably beautiful.

Tall, dark, and dripping with gold—her glinting jewelry caught the street light's shine, as if a halo emitted from them. Locs spilled over her shoulders in waves, framing the sharply drawn face as they tilted their head, confused.

Dark makeup smeared her cheeks. Those hazel eyes, dark and lovely. Her busted lip and rubbed raw eyes a blooming red that could be from crying—or yelling. Knuckles bruised, bleeding, the delicate curve of her hand pulling her thin, silk blazer over the swell of her chest tight.

Her eyes burned something fierce even as she folded in on herself, body struggling against the cool, night air.

“…No,” Sevika lied, shameless as she took in the sight, “We’re still open,”

She looked like she needed a drink—and Sevika was kind enough to offer her company in the meantime.

“Truly?” The woman asked, skeptically glancing at the keys in Sevika’s hands, lips pursed, “I can leave and find another—“

“Tip me well and I’ll give you all the time you need,” Sevika drawled, rehooking the keys onto her belt loop and pushing the door--leaning against it to keep it propped open.

The woman’s pretty mouth curled at the offer, a breathless thanks on her lips as she squeezed past, smelling sweet. Sevika followed close behind.

-

Sevika buried her face into her bed, shying from the early morning light in favor of breathing in that sweetness deep.

She was slow stirring, a manicured hand coaxing her awake. Nails dragged over the well-built planes of her back, lingering every so often—teasing those stinging marks scattered across.

Locs tickled her skin, a mouth lowering to Sevika’s ear, “Good morning,” the woman whispered, breath warm.

“It’s too early,” Sevika grumbled, arm folding over her head.

The woman chuckled in response, soft curves filling the little space between them as she leaned in further, mouth searching before it found Sevika’s. She kissed her slow and indulgent, drinking in her complaints.

A particularly distracting hand wandered, dipping lower and lower, following that trail of hair before pressing against the hard line between Sevika’s stomach and hips.

“…You still heading out—?”

“Mhm.”

“Towels are in the closet beside the bathroom,” Sevika said, “You might have to jiggle the door if it gets stuck.” she warned as her mouth drew away.

One more kiss pressed against the shell of Sevika’s ear before the woman slipped out of bed.

Only then did Sevika crack open one dark eye, tracking the sway of their hips—that rich, inked and bruised skin —across the room.

A wicked grin split across her face at the sight, more than content to let her eyes close once more as a bone-deep satisfaction lulled her back to sleep.

A few hours had past, and then—

Beep.

Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee-

A hand slapped away the phone, sending it across the room with a curse.

Sevika sat up, rolling her neck. She didn’t bother reaching for her prosthetic just yet, that aching sensation setting her skin aflame.

Inhaling deep, she rose, shuffling across the room at a lethargic pace in search of that wretched device.

Squinting at the cracked screen, she grimaced, before answering the call.

-

Sevika worked a lot of odd jobs.

It was usually grunt work, dirty jobs that made her tax-guy’s skin itch each season. Some nights and weekends she worked at the bar just for some semblance of stability.

Most days, however, she was a glorified assistant. After her last stint blew up in her face, she landed a job at a farce of a ‘non-profit’ that kept her bills paid and vices fed.

Technically, today was her day off.

Yet here she was—again.

The upper buttons of her vest popped again in protest as she adjusted the dark cuffs of her sleeves, fiddling with the silver cufflinks.

Sevika exited the glinting elevators, schooling her expression as she headed towards the meeting room.

Suits miled inside the room. Sharply tailored pants, oversized blazers, and leather holsters. All settled around that large spanning oak desk—air thick with the taste of burning metal.

She flanked the other side of the large, leather chair, folding her arms in front of her-- mirroring the stance of the beared, behemoth of a man on the other side.

They didn’t have to wait long before the doors slammed open again. A broad shouldered, sharp faced Black woman in a tailored suit took heavy strides across the room. Everyone she passed sat up a little straighter, any lingering chatter ceasing all at once.

Ambessa Medarda.

She was more of a force of nature than a person, to be frank. Every time she stepped into a room she couldn’t help but pull focus, to demand respect. And it wasn’t because of her stature, but because of her history.

The weight of her heavy hands-- casted in iron and blood-- effectively scattered the remains of the two fractured cities.

Lines were drawn, far more complicated than before.

Not far behind Ambessa was the curious clicking of heels. A flutter of white silk and a shapely pencil skirt catching the attention of the room.

Tall, dark, and—

Dripping with gold.

Sevika stiffened.

Hazel eyes flitted around the room, landing briefly on Sevika, before looking away just as quickly. The woman sat down beside Ambessa, her back to Sevika as she quietly shuffled through her stacks of paper.

Seeing the two next to each other, it was impossible not to see the resemblance.

-

Sevika set two glasses down on the counter before busying herself with making the drinks.

The woman perched herself on top of the bar stool, shrugging off the blazer to reveal the intricate geometric tattoos blazing across her shoulders and arms.

She crossed her legs, wiping her hands and face clean with a damp napkin before flicking open a compact mirror .

“Are you always so accommodating?” she asked with softly accented words, peering into the small mirror.

“Depends on who I’m accommodating,” Sevika said over her shoulder.

“You don’t even know my name,” The woman notes, snapping the compact closed and tucking it into her bra.

Sevika’s eyes followed the movement, pouring her a drink and pushing it across the counter.

She settled her weight against the counter, crowding into the other woman’s space, “You got a name then?”

The woman traced a nail along the rim of the glass, looking up through half-lidded eyes as she gave her a coy smile.

-

Ambessa addressed the room with a disinterested look, kicking up her heavy boots, “This is my daughter,” she said plainly, lifting a hand towards the woman in question, never once looking her way, “She is my blood and represents the House of Medarda. You will address her as you would me.”

Sevika wondered what type of expression the younger Medarda wore, faced with all those hot-blooded eyes pinning her down all at once.

There were many ways to get ahead in this type of business. Some methods more violent than others—but there was a tried and true tradition—

Ambessa’s jaw was tight, lips sharply turned in distaste, “And you will keep your hands to yourself,” she hotly added.

-

Metal and skin—large hands palmed at the curve of the woman’s thighs. Sevika pulled her closer to the edge of the counter, skirt bunching up to her hips.

The woman’s back arched, gasping as she steadied herself. She gripped Sevika’s shoulders desperate to get closer to that relentless, wet heat.

“Fu- Oh, God—“

Sevika abruptly pulled away—much to the woman’s displeasure--nosing at the patch of curls, “That’s not my name,” she teased, drinking in the sight. That pretty face, impatient, slowly losing composure.

“You’re so—“ The woman’s hands shot up the back of Sevika’s neck, tangling in her hair as she gasped, “Se—“

-

“-vika.“ Ambessa snapped, snatching her attention.

Most of the other goons and we’re dispersed for their assignments at this point, leaving her personal aids and her daughter behind.

Sevika inclined her head in acknowledgement, bracing herself.

“Escort Amelia to our estate, “ Ambessa ordered, rising from her seat, “Her personal guard is indisposed at the moment, so you’ll accompany her until further notice.”

“…Yes, Ma’am.” Sevika replied.

-

“I’m not a taxi,” Sevika said, jerking her chin to redirect the woman.

The woman stopped herself, startled, before she slid into the passenger seat instead, seatbelt clicking on.

“Where to?” Sevika asked, glancing at her side mirrors as she pulled out of her parking space.

The woman’s brow furrowed,“ I can’t go home tonight…” she admitted, fidgeting with the skewed buttons of her top, eyes downcast.

-

The passenger door closed.

Sevika’s fingers thrummed against the steering wheel, cocking an eyebrow up, “Amelia….Merdarda,” she repeated, disbelieving.

She said her name slow, testing the weight of it on her tongue, trying to match the metallic taste with her memories from the prior night.

Amelia stared out the window, hands folded in her lap, polite expression strained—but it didn’t falter. It was as if she quietly receded into herself, that flickering warmth dulled, “I’d rather you call me Mel,” she murmured.

Sevika sighed, “Okay—Mel,” she started, deciding to get straight to the point, “Does she know?” she asked, starting the car up and quickly pulling out of the parking space.

Mel closed her eyes, tilting her head back against the leather seat. Her profile flickered, shadows cutting across her stark as the lights of the parking garage rippled past, “That we met? Yes,” she answered, slowly, “That we had...relations? God no,” she muttered, brow furrowing a bit, “And she can’t find out. If we give that woman an inch, she’ll drag us for miles for shitting where we eat,” she added on bitterly.

There were many ways to get ahead in this type of business. Some methods more violent than others—but there was a tried and true tradition and—

Ambessa had zero tolerance for indulgence in the workplace. Even less so for people who relied on it—letting it muddy the waters between excellence and greatness. Even if it wasn’t their intentions—she’d make her own assumptions and deal with them accordingly.

Sevika considered her for a moment, weighing the possibilities in her mind. Scrutinizing that pretty face—so sweet, so carefully put together. It's easy to assume she was lying—misleading her—and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time Ambessa would lure them— test them to see what makes them tick.

Yesterday, Mel was shaken up, bleeding—yet so easily put herself back together.

Sevika glanced down at Mel’s lap—her hands were clenched together tight—fingers trembling ever so slightly.

In the little time she’s known Mel, she’s never seen her so—uncomfortable.

Sevika made up her mind all at once.

“Any reason she assigned me to you?” Sevika gruffly asked, flicking on the heated seats, passing their exit and abruptly turning into a side-road instead—the scenic route.

“It’s a…practical choice, “ Mel reasoned, “She doesn’t have the time to vett new personale for me—and she’d never delegate the task to anyone else— so she chose someone who already reports to her directly,” she continued, eyes opening to cast a thoughtful, side-long glance, “She must trust you,” she notes under her breath.

Sevika’s face darkens at that—Trust was a dangerous thing to receive. It wasn’t something Ambessa treated lightly.

The pair fell into silence, Mel watching the long winding roads of the city shift as they entered the countryside. The tension in her body slowly eased, fingers trailing against the window—a silent dance. Those closely guarded musings kept just out of reach.

There were a lot of questions Sevika still had for Mel—but there was one ever persistent thought.

“What… happened to your other bodyguard?” Sevika asked. It was a prickling, innocuous detail that her mind couldn’t help but pick over.

That night—that encounter.

Mel’s fingers stilled, the dance incomplete as Sevika’s words hung between them, “How would I know?” she evenly responded, a murky reflection staring back in the glass, “I was with you all night, wasn’t I?”

Or at least—that’s how the story would be told.

[crunchycat6]

time to post stuff that is for me and me only: pizza tower dungeon meshi au (ask me about it i will go insane)

pino’s outfit was tough to work out but i like the idea of him wearing his apron everywhere just because he likes it :] he doesn’t wear much armor aside from chainmail so he doesn’t wear himself out carrying all that weight

i wanted to keep the effect of theo’s mask and i think the hood shadowing most of his face + the rat ear silhouette capture that pretty well, i also like drawing baggy pants and long cloaks

some more ramblings under here

Theo is the party leader and started all this with Hazel/Noisette (she’s basically the party’s cleric) he keeps picking up random people he finds in and out of the dungeon to help him get to the bottom

Theo has made a pretty big name for himself on the surface by parading himself around as a beast man (unlike izutsumi, he doesn’t much care about his dignity) he’s also a talented musician, so he’s pretty rich and famous by the time he decides to dungeon crawl

he hired peppino because the party needed extra muscle (agility isn’t enough to win every fight) and theo of course knows that pino is desperate enough for money to go down with him. pino is very aware of this but goes anyway because. well. yeah he needs the money.

when they first go down into the dungeon, the only people in the party are theo, hazel, peppino and gustavo (and brick) but they find some more friends down there :] in true pizza tower fashion they don’t usually rely on swordfighting or clever thinking and get through the dungeon by brute forcing it (peppino is very good at this)

i’ll try to get some more refs out soon, hazel and gus are probably next but who knows

this is very self indulgent so if you read all this thank you <3 if you have any questions feel free to ask i WILL keep talking

[tetsuskei]

‘too-too’ - kuroo tetsurō [fluff]

notes: repost. also inspired by work (yay capitalism) and self indulgent. wrote this for a piece of mind, if you will.

warnings: toxic work habits, etc, bad title names, not edited completely

word count: 1.4k

“is everything alright?”

your eyes snap up to your coworker, kuroo tetsurō. he leans against your cubicle. tall, muscular figure moving to look down at you with concern.

you blink, fingers pausing their movements over your keys. “what do you mean?”

kuroo is a strange individual. he’s funny, and nerdy, and a little clumsy sometimes (you’ve seen him burn his hand one too many times with hot coffee). but he has a good heart. one probably made of gold. he’s always genuine when it comes to his actions.

“i’ve just been noticing the boss has been piling a lot of work on you as of lately…i didn’t know if maybe you were overwhelmed.” he suggests, shrugging. he stuffs his hands in his pockets and peers over to the stack of files on your desk. “that all need to get done today?”

you sigh, running your hand through your hair, “no, but they will need to by the end of the week. i can handle it all though, with a couple of late nights. i appreciate your concern, kuroo.” you send him a weak smile.

at work you’re known as the one who can handle anything and everything with no complaints. your boss seems to hold you in high regards to it, coworkers are jealous of your ability, and your family has always been proud of how hardworking you are.

the only problem is, people take advantage of this. they ask for your help on minor things, interrupt you when you’re clearly busy, or assume you’ll have the time and tell your boss you’ll take care of it (without your notice).

kuroo is one of the only people who doesn’t do that. he genuinely comes up to you for conversation and asks about you. he’s taken you out to lunch (usually by force to drag you away from your work), brought you coffee, and always made sure you’re okay.

you don’t want to say his actions have caused a small crush to develop, but you’d be a horrible, horrible liar. after spending so much time with him, you begin to see just how handsome his features are. how sharp and angular his jawline and cheekbones are, how he laughs and has dimples appear, how his hazel eyes sparkle with mischief whenever he tells a (horrible) joke—

suddenly fingers are snapping in front of you and you’re brought back to the present.

“you sure you’re good?” kuroo looks down at you with concern and you feel your heart swell a bit. “you’re spacing out.”

“peachy!” you respond, and feel your cheeks get warm. you hope he doesn’t notice. “I couldn’t be any better!”

his perceptive eyes pensively train on you. “well, I’ll be on my way then. don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything.”

“sure.” you nod, smiling.

and just as stubborn as you are, kuroo is more stubborn.

for the next few days, the man is always lingering around when you’re working late.

“what a coincidence, i’m here late, too! need a buddy?” and he’s already invading his way into your space before you can say ‘no’.

you feel as if there’s something he isn’t telling you, but you don’t ask.

the two of you share ordered dinner, chatting and bantering. time goes a lot faster with him, and you think it’s because he’s made you more productive (despite his antics), but you also know it’s because it’s him.

“you know it’s okay to ask for help, right?” kuroo points out again one day. “you don’t have to take on everything by yourself.”

“well, what do you know?” you say spitefully.

he senses your offense, and he knows quickly explains, “i-i’m not saying you can’t handle things, but you shouldn’t work yourself to death. i mean, you’re amazing at what you do, and—“

“look, i’ve been in your shoes before, and i know the feeling all too well. i just know it doesn’t feel great.” he finishes.

“thank you, kuroo.” you smile, “and I’m sorry for snapping at you…maybe i’m just tired and need a break.”

he perks up at this, “then why don’t we go do something?”

you shake your head, “i can’t…i have to finish this.”

“don’t worry. it’s already done.” he assures.

your mouth falls open, “how…?”

he laughs nervously, “well, don’t hate me when I say this…”

you narrow your eyes teasingly. “can’t promise that. but how bad can it be?”

“i rallied up those coworkers you talked to and told them you weren’t available to help them because we’re going on a date.” he confesses, scratching the back of his head. “may have also threatened them to not take advantage of you again…”

you sputter, choking on your food, “a date? like…a romantic date?”

“if that’s what they assume, then yes. which by the way, did you know people think we’re dating?”

there’s another strike to your heart, “they do?! but…how? why?”

he hides his face in his hand, cheeks a light pink, “dunno, maybe it’s because i spend most of my time with you…”

you’re shocked at his words, feeling like you need someone to pinch you. “really?”

“really.” he nods, leaning in towards you. “i thought it was obvious but I guess not…” he laughs.

you shake your head. “i didn’t want to assume anything, so i just thought you were being nice.”

“i mean, yes and no. i always like helping people, but i’d really use any excuse to talk to you.” he admits with a goofy grin. “but i’m sorry if i’ve made you uncomfortable in anyway.”

“no…i just didn’t think you’d feel that way about me, too.”

“‘too’?” he parrots.

you’re quiet for a moment and then say, “well maybe i have feelings for you and wasn’t going to confess unless i knew you liked me back. you do, right?”

“yes! i like you too—too!” he exclaims, probably louder than he means to. “i mean—“

you giggle, “i like you too-too, tetsu.”

he relaxes, like a weight has come off his shoulders. “well, as your date, i say we leave here. one more file to look at and i’ll cut my own head off.” he says.

“agreed.” you nod, standing up alongside him.

you both pack your things up and soon make your way outside. you’re brutally reminded of the cold autumn air as you feel it hit you in the faces.

a shiver comes over you, and you shrink within your own coat, trying to retain any and all warmth.

“here,” kuroo quickly wraps his scarf around you and you quickly smell mint and some form of expensive cologne. you bury you face in it and feel more at ease.

“thank you.” you gush.

he hums, “no problem.”

the two of you quickly find yourselves in an arcade. you both play games and you quickly learn how 1. competitive, and 2. horrible kuroo is at games. to soften his sour mood, you do win him prizes on his behalf.

“i haven’t had fun like this in awhile!” you beam. the two of you leave the arcade, kuroo offering to walk you home.

“i can tell, you haven’t stopped smiling since we left.” he says, chuckling.

“thanks to you, i guess.” you joke.

“you’re welcome, i’ve been losing on purpose just for you.” he admits.

you blink, not convinced. “sure.”

kuroo pouts, “it’s true,” he gestures down to his bag full of toys, “worked out in my favor, too.”

“right, tetsu.” you snicker, smirking.

the ravenette feels his heart swell at your words. “heh. well, more important prize is you, though.” he says cheekily.

“corny, but I’m flattered.” and before he can say another (horrible) pun, you pull him to your height by his work tie before abruptly kissing him on the lips.

this definitely throws the man off as he stumbles a bit, gasping against your mouth in surprised. his lips are soft and a bit chapped, his mouth tasting like candy from the arcade.

when you pull away, you say, “thank you for treating me to an evening like this. i didn’t realize how much i needed it.”

he slips his hand into yours, his large palm enveloping your smaller one in comforting warmth.

“of course. i just think someone as pretty as you shouldn’t have to worry about things so much.” he says, a faint blush appearing across his cheeks. “you shouldn’t let them walk all over you. make sure you have boundaries.”

you lean onto his shoulder, squeezing his hand. “you’re absolutely right. but you know what?”

he looks at you, “what?

“the only boundary that was worth crossing, was the one involving you.” you confess.

and in kuroo’s honest opinion, you couldn’t have been more right.

[hazelfoureyes]

Hi hazel!

I hope you are doing better after your posts news months ago. We missed you and your energy on this app. Due to recent events, I have been very stressed and very scared and I've been rereading the A Doe In Fall series to take my mind off of everything.

So i just wanted to say thank you. It's literally not related and you did not do that for me and my harsh feelings about a lot of things in this life rn, but regardless your fanfics have been a perfect escape for me since a year or two ago?? Geez... it can't have been that long... anyhoo I am so utterly grateful.

When you're ready to post more parts of A Doe In Fall or The Safeword is Radioapple, I will be here ready and waiting to absolutely devour your wonderful story and words. However, I just wanted you to know how much your work is helping me in the now with what you have written. So thanks 💖💖

It's also so crazy to say cause i feel like this is like the "you saved me" posts but like this one consists of smutty demon character fics based on the 1920s-30s and also Hell 🤣 but i am above being any sort of ashamed so bring it all on im ready 😈

What a terribly sweet thing to say! It’s been a year of smutty smut smut on here. Which is… huh?? Lmao

I’m so glad my stories can give you an escape! That means so much because it means I’ve succeeded in pulling you into the little scenes in my head 😭 I’m escaping there anyway so might as well write it out and let us all go! Field trip!

A gentle reminder the ending of ADIF has been written for like 6+ months now, I’m mostly now just babying the bits that are done and adding things to flesh out the world of our lovers before The Event. So I promise it will finish…. Cuz I already wrote the painful parts 😭 Your inbox genuinely helped me get over my “I’m scared to open Google docs” paralysis and continue fleshing out the next that’s half written, so thank you!

I think I’ve been really in a ��scared to move so gonna zone out” mood for like three months now and it’s really sapping the soul out of me. Like I’m scared to indulge in hobbies or art for some reason… like I’m scared of expending the energy or falling in love again with things. I can’t explain it well I’m just terrified to write. But I did! With your kind words in my ear!

Your inbox really made my day and is the kind of thing I have to struggle to not post on my personal insta like HEY LOOK NICE PEOPLE LIKE ME 😂 💖

[momojedi]

FAREWELL PAIRING: none

GENRE: Angst, Hurt/Comfort WARNING: The Bad Batch S3 Finale spoilers A/N: This is very self-indulgent/OC-based but I guess it could be read as an x Reader story. Its a bit of a way to offer my personal goodbye to the Batch if you will.

MASTERLIST | MOMOJEDI'S 300 FOLLOWER CELEBRATION

"Ah, that must be the final one," I remark, brushing another unruly strand of brown curls from my face as Wrecker stretches beside me, the last crate safely stored aboard my shuttle. "Thank you, Wrecker," I say with heartfelt gratitude, though I wince as I notice him grimace slightly, his injuries from Tantiss still lingering. It took some persuading to accept his help with the crates after Omega's rescue, but eventually, I relented.

Wrecker's booming laughter fills the air, eliciting a subtle grin from me. "Don't worry 'bout it!" he exclaims, clapping a heavy hand on my back, nearly throwing me off balance before we're interrupted by approaching footsteps.

"There you two are," Hunter greets us, accompanied closely by Omega and Crosshair, with Batcher following cheerfully. "How's the packing going?" he inquires, to which I hum, glancing over my shoulder at the shuttle's cargo. "Wrecker just stashed the final crate," I reply with a smile, turning back to them. "I'll be departing shortly."

"Do you have to leave?" Omega's plaintive gaze meets mine, tugging at my heartstrings as she takes my hand. She's grown so much since our first meeting on Kamino during the war, barely reaching my chest then and now almost at my chin's height, the pang of guilt is palpable as I squeeze her hand before enveloping her in a warm hug. With a reassuring murmur, I offer her a smile. "I'll stay in touch, I promise."

"Don't forget about me!" A simultaneous squeal escapes us as Wrecker joins in, lifting us into a tight embrace before setting us back down. Then, the two engage in a playful scuffle with Batcher trailing behind. As I observe them goofing around, a lump forms in my throat. Despite the bittersweet feeling of leaving them behind, my decision remains.

"My father is still out there," I sigh, "I have to find him." The warm hand on my shoulder startles me, and I meet Hunter's hazel eyes. "Regardless of your choices, Pabu will always welcome you," he assures, gesturing towards his siblings. "as will we."

I beam at him, embracing him tightly. Hunter visibly tenses in surprise before he finally returns it. "Thank you," I quietly breathe next to his ear, barely loud enough even for him to hear, yet judging by the tight squeeze he offers, he understood. Then I turn to Crosshair. Despite my apprehension towards him, a curiosity and an un-Jedi-like attachment bordering on romance have always lingered when it came to him. "How's the hand?" I ask, nodding towards the stump of his arm. "It's ... it's healing," he responds with a frown, raising it to show me, yet I find myself drawn to his face, empathising with his internal struggle. I'd seen how he'd scanned his rifle after the mission. With his hand now gone, I can barely imagine how badly he must be questioning his significance as a soldier and sniper at the same time.

"I think you'll be fine," I offer gently, meeting his gaze. It's unusually soft as he watches me carefully, almost thoughtfully. Then, to my surprise, he brushes a stray hair from my face with his healthy hand. "I think you will be, too."

As my departure nears, I bid farewell to the island's inhabitants. Echo had departed to join Rex earlier, leaving me his well wishes. Before I board the shuttle, I halt.

"Oh, Omega!" I call, holding her back before retrieving something from my belt. With a sad smile, my eyes scan over it before I hand her the object. "Perhaps you'll find a better place for this." "Your lightsaber?" Her gasp catches my attention as she takes the lightsaber from me. For a moment, it feels as though a piece of me leaves with it and a peaceful rush fills me knowing a part of me will remain here. "Are you sure?" she asks, and I nod, finding solace in knowing it will be safe with her.

"Yes… I won't need it anymore. That chapter has closed," I explain, flashing her a knowing wink. "Can I trust you with it?" Omega grins. "I'll keep it safe. I think, I have just the spot for it."

Hours later, long after the shuttle has departed, the dim light of the sunset bathes Shep's and Lyanna's home, illuminating its treasures of the past. Tech's goggles catch the light beside Lula, with a silver lightsaber hilt resting nearby.

[sagesolsticewrites]

Interlude: The Bachelorette Party

John Brady x Juliet Thompson (OFC)

Juliet goes out with the Book Club Girlies to celebrate her last night of being Juliet Thompson

a/n: This minichap is just a fun little idea I ran with while I was picturing the night before Jules's wedding-- love, chaos, and joy aplenty. Along the way it turned into something much more self indulgent (largely prompted by @winniemaywebber suggesting that Olive somehow gets an orchestra to play Lover at Juliet's wedding 😂) (… keep your eyes peeled in the next chapter 🤭), but I hope you all enjoy, or at the very least find this glimpse into the more random corners of my mind entertaining.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, tipsiness/drunkenness, everyone's safe I promise!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based off the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I hold nothing but respect for the real life individuals referenced within.

Book Club Girlies: @winniemaywebber @blakelysco-pilot

Masterlist | Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

“To the bride-to-be!” One of her friends— Val, probably?— cheers, lifting her glass in a toast.

French 75, Jules notes through the thin fog of alcohol clouding her brain, definitely Val.

Toasts of “To the bride!” “To Jules!” chorus around her as her friends lift their own glasses, Juliet raising her own in cheerful thanks.

Joy bubbles up in her chest, too much for her to contain, and she lets out a bright, sunny laugh as another round is ordered for the girls.

“I’m getting married!” She squeals to the nearest person— Olive, who happily wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes.

“You’re getting married!” The Brit echoes, a grin lighting up her face.

The two (rather strong) lemon drops she’s already had are making it difficult for her to form proper sentences, so she settles for a giggle, twirling to watch the skirt of her pale yellow swing dress— the closest thing she has to an off-white at the moment— fan out around her.

Her fuzzy mind drifts back for a moment to the last time they were all together like this— just the girls, having a drink while the boys were off doing who-knows-what.

•••

“Olive,” Juliet asked, the alcohol buzzing warm in her veins loosening her tongue, “What’s the future like?”

“Oh,” the Brit blinked as she took a sip of her martini, “um. Well. Is there anything specific you want to know?”

Jules exchanged a glance with Vika, who just shrugged, wide-eyed. 70 years… she couldn’t fathom how much life could change in such a long stretch of time. Jean and Jo were no help either— they knew Olive was from a different time, but actually thinking about it…

“Well,” Olive said, when they came up with nothing, “When I told Val, I showed her some music. You wanna hear some?” She reached into her bag and pulled out the thin, flat rectangle she called a phone, which Jules still didn’t understand. No wires, no buttons… how in the world did it work? 

She’d said as much the first time Olive had shown them, to which she simply replied, “Magic.”

It did seem like magic when Olive pressed her finger to the flat surface and the screen lit up.

“Oh!” Olive grinned, hazel eyes flicking over to Jules, “I think you’ll like this one.”

The sound of a guitar filled the room as she pressed her finger to the phone again, and Juliet jumped.

“Goodness, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” she laughed sheepishly.

“It’s a good song, I promise,” Olive giggled, “Just listen.”

Juliet did, albeit a bit distractedly. The lyrics were nice, about dancing in a storm, being fearless, a first kiss, and she found her fingers tapping to the beat as the song ended.

“I knew you’d like it,” Olive beamed. “There’s another one by the same artist— her name’s Taylor Swift— that made me think of you if you want to listen?”

She couldn’t find it in her to say no, not when her friend looked so eager, and it was a good song…

She listened, still a bit distracted— truly, how was there music coming out of the tiny thing in Olive’s hand?— but she couldn’t help a tiny gasp as she heard the singer mention Romeo and Juliet.

Olive’s smile grew at her reaction, and only grew wider seeing Juliet become visibly invested in the song.

Memories flitted through her head of her and John in time with the song; so I sneak out to the garden to see you called up memories of doing just that when they’d first started dating, when they couldn’t bear to be apart for longer than a few hours; don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess, had tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, recalling John’s many letters while he was overseas telling her just that, and then—

The music swelled.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring, the song continued, and Juliet could feel the tears threatening to spill over—

Marry me, Juliet.

And that did it. She burst into sobs and Olive scrambled to shut off the music, a stricken look on her face.

“Oh goodness, Jules,” Olive looked unspeakably worried, “I’m so sorry, I thought you’d like it, I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

”No, no,” Juliet sniffled, waving her off with a watery laugh, “I’m fine, I love it, it just… made me think about Johnny and I.”

When the worry remained etched on Olive’s face, she explained further. “In a good way, I promise. Can you… Does it keep going? I really do love it.”

At Olive’s not-quite-reassured look, she added for good measure, “It’s much better than Johnny’s harmonica for three hours straight.”

Juliet’s fiancé had picked up the harmonica as a hobby while he was waiting to hear back from the school about the teaching position. Once he had gotten it, it had become a way for him to dive back into music. 

And dive into it he had.

Olive giggled, by now more than familiar with Juliet’s lighthearted complaints about Brady’s new hobby. She pressed the screen again, and Juliet managed to keep her tears at bay as the end of the song played.

“Um… Taylor Swift, you said her name was?” Juliet asked, nodding towards the phone once the song ended.

At Olive’s confirmation, she asked, “Do you have any more of her songs?”

The eager grin that spread across Olive’s face gave Juliet the feeling she’d just unleashed something that maybe she shouldn’t have.

“Oh, do I ever.”

•••

Someone’s voice pulls her out of her reverie, another one of Taylor Swift’s songs starting up idly in the back of her mind— a sweet love song aptly titled Lover.

“Do you think you should slow down a bit, Jules?” Vika, ever the responsible one, pipes up from her place at the bar, a Coca-Cola in hand. 

“Absolutely not,” Jo grins as she sidles up between Val and Olive, pressing yet another lemon drop into Jules’s hand, “It’s a celebration, Vika!”

Juliet beams and downs it.

“I guess we know what her limit is now,” someone mutters next to Jules as she leans on their shoulder, looking down sadly at the emerald ring adorning her left hand.

“She was so happy earlier,” another voice says— British? Jules notes hazily— almost in amazement, “Did anyone know she was a clingy drunk?”

There’s a chorus of mumbled nos as Juliet takes a shaky breath.

“What do you mean—”

She pauses, lip trembling, and the group around her collectively holds its breath, letting out a sigh of relief when no tears appear.

“What do you mean I can’t see Johnny now?” she whines, thumb worrying over the sparkling emerald as she looks at each of her friends in turn, “I miss him.”

“You’ll see him tomorrow, sweetheart,” Jo says from beside her, “Remember, you’re getting married!” She attempts to inject cheer into her voice, pitching it higher on the last sentence.

Tomorrow? But that’s… that’s forever away.

“But I want to see Johnny now,” she insists pleadingly, her fuzzy brain focused solely on her fiancé.

“Honey—” Olive sighs, “Okay, hold on.” She gestures for the girls to huddle up, and after a brief whispered conversation, they turn back to the pouting bride-to-be.

“Come with us, sweetheart,” Jean says, guiding Juliet up to standing.

“We’re gonna take you to see Johnny,” Jo beams from her other side.

One very crowded cab ride later, the girls arrive at the bar the boys had claimed as their own.

“Wait here,” Val instructs, nodding to Vika— the one somewhat-sober person of their party— in thanks for staying with Jules while the rest of them venture into the bar.

“Brady!” Olive calls, interrupting the rowdiness of a dozen drunk men, one with a harmonica, and a dog.

A tipsy John Brady turns from where he’s laughing with Dougie and Ev, harmonica dangling from his fingertips.

“Ol?” Dougie says, “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Val assures them, meeting Ev’s eyes with a gentle nod, “We just need to borrow Brady here for a minute.”

“But why—?”

“It’s a surprise, John!” Jo sighs exasperatedly, “Just come with us!”

With some convincing, they manage to get John outside, and his eyes widen at the sight of his girl.

He forces his eyes down to the pavement, even as a smile stretches across his face at the way his (evidently very tipsy) soon-to-be wife lit up at the sight of him.

“Jules,” he admonishes through his smile as he makes his way over to her, eyes trained firmly on the sidewalk, “I’m not supposed to see you, honey, it’s bad luck.”

Her fingers clumsily intertwine with his, and he can hear the smile in her voice as she says, slurring the tiniest bit, “So close your eyes, John Brady.”

He obeys with a soft laugh.

“What was so important that you had to—?”

He trails off as he feels her hand cup his cheek, thumb tracing clumsily over the corner of his mouth before her lips land on his in a kiss that tastes like alcohol and citrus and pure sunshine.

“Just missed you,” she murmurs as she pulls away, a telltale thickness in her voice as she continues, “I love you so much, Johnny.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he murmurs, eyes still obediently closed, “I think it’s time for you to get some rest, though.” 

He pauses, savoring this last quiet moment with her before the inevitable chaos and joy that the next day will bring.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jules.”

He steps back and turns away, still holding his fiancée’s hand as he opens his eyes to speak with the gaggle of girls surrounding them, “Can you all get her home safe?”

“We’ve got her,” Olive says, voice wobbly.

He notes with horror that the girls, all varying degrees of tipsy, each have tears in their eyes that surely match Jules’s.

Vika lays a reassuring hand on his arm, his shoulders relaxing as he notes the clarity in her gaze, “We’ve got her, John.”

John keeps his eyes dutifully away from his fiancée as her friends attempt to bundle her back into a cab, only looking up to watch as the lights fade down the street.

“Everything alright?”

He turns to see Benny standing in the doorway, face half-lit by the light from the bar, Meatball an ever-present shadow at his side.

“Everything’s great,” he assures his friend, and judging by Benny’s knowing look, something in his face must give away how much he means it.

“Jules… she wanted to come say goodnight before tomorrow.”

“Ah,” Benny nods, “Last time she says goodnight to you as a Thompson. That’s sweet.”

There’s a beat, and John moves to step past Benny when a hand lands on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

“I really am happy for you, Brady.”

The teasing, tipsy twinkle in Benny’s eye has given way to pure sincerity, Benny no doubt remembering their time in the stalag; John waiting eagerly for each letter from Jules, becoming somehow even more determined to make it home with each cursive-filled page, the night he’d quietly admitted to Benny— because he’d had to tell someone— his plan to propose as soon as he could when he was home.

Benny had seen all of it, and now here he was at his bachelor party the night before his wedding.

“Thank you, Benny,” John says, nodding.

The solemn mood remains for a moment before John cracks a smile, bumping his shoulder into Benny’s as they step inside.

“It’ll be your turn soon enough.”

“Yeah, tell that to the girls lining up to go out with me,” Benny rolls his eyes.

“No really, DeMarco,” John laughs, “We should set you up with someone. What do you think of Vika?”

“I think that she’s a very good friend and that’s all I need right now,” Benny says, guiding the groom-to-be back towards the bar. 

“I also think,” he says, signaling for two whiskeys, “that you need another drink before this night is through.”

Brady grins.

“If you insist.”

[heartsmadeofbooks]

[Preview - New fic]: Undiscovered.

Happy Klaine day everybody!

Of course I had to do something special today, for our boys, so here’s the preview of my upcoming fic Undiscovered, which will begin on Wednesday, April 3rd. This fic will only be available on AO3, so if you read my fics on FF.net, keep in mind that I won’t be updating there anymore.

Undiscovered is both a guilty pleasure and a self-indulgence. It was born out of an idea that @blog-carmex gave me what feels like a million years ago, and it kind of exploded from there. For a while it was nothing but PWP in my head, until the perfect plot came along. So, needless to say, this might be my spiciest fic to date.

It wouldn’t exist at all, though, without @blog-carmex, who planted the seed in my head; or without @nerdishedits, who not only made the beautiful teaser cover (and is working on the actual cover) but watered that damn seed until it grew into a monstrous plant that took over half my life; or without the always amazing @christinejaneanderson, who trims the leaves and tends to its wellbeing until it looks like the perfect little plant we all knew it could be. So thanks to you, ladies, for everything.

Without further ado, here’s the preview of the first chapter, and I hope I’ll see you all for a new adventure on April 3rd!

The only sound echoing in the dining room was the cutlery gently hitting the porcelain plates. The attempts to play music in the background had been rejected, like Christmas music might ruin… what? The holiday spirit? The meal? The absolute discomfort they were now forced to sit in?

Blaine Anderson loved Christmas – he just didn’t particularly enjoy spending the holidays with his parents.

He glanced up – hazel eyes quickly roaming around the table, as if trying to find an opening, something to fill this unbearable silence. He found his brother staring back at him, eyebrows a little raised, mouth tilted in one of the corners in what could only be a sarcastic little grin. Cooper didn’t seem as uncomfortable as he was, but then again, Cooper was great at pretending nothing was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Blaine thought it was. He was just a little less used to being home (was it even home, still? It hadn’t felt like home when he lived here, most times) since he had gone away to college. New York had embraced him like he had always belonged there, like his heart had been made to absorb the sounds of the city and turn them into heartbeats.

Blaine had never quite fit in anywhere like he belonged in New York. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t sit for dinner with his parents without feeling like he was slightly suffocating.

Cooper, completely unconcerned, pushed his plate away and sat back more comfortably. “Delicious, mom. Loved the duck. It wasn’t dry at all.”

Pam Anderson glanced up at him and smiled gently. “Thanks, dear. Glad you enjoyed it. There’s more if you want…”

“Oh, no, no, I’m stuffed,” Cooper said, patting his belly. “I got to watch my weight or they’re going to hate me at work.”

“Oh yes,” Pam said. “How’s the play going? I’m so sorry we haven’t had a chance to go see it yet. Life can be so busy, you know…”

Blaine noticed that the smile on Cooper’s face got a little more forced than usual. There was always an excuse with their parents. They were always busy. There was always something that was slightly more important than being there for their children.

They weren’t children anymore, though. They had both accepted things as they were: Pam and John Anderson would never be picture-perfect parents, not only because that was impossible, but also because they weren’t interested in it. They had scraped by doing the bare minimum to be considered good parents and called it a job well done.

Cooper had always been a bit better at accepting that, Blaine guessed. He wasn’t sure if it was because Cooper had gotten to experience them when they were younger, more open, more patient, or if he just didn’t care anymore.

Blaine would always wonder and never dare to actually ask if they had gotten bored of trying when he was born. He was a lot younger than Cooper. Maybe he had been an accident. Maybe they hadn’t exactly been planning to have another kid…

Cooper was twelve years older than Blaine. For a very, very long time, they hadn’t exactly understood each other. But at some point it was like it finally clicked for them that, if they wanted to have a family, they had to be there for each other, because their parents weren’t going to change, weren’t going to become warmer, wouldn’t be what they had always expected parents to be…

When Blaine moved to New York after high school, Cooper had surprised him by following him there. He used the excuse that he wanted to try his luck at auditioning for plays instead of staying in Los Angeles and focusing only on films and TV shows, but Blaine had seen right through his lie: he wanted to be closer to his little brother. Still, he appreciated it. They had learned to be in each other’s corners, and Blaine was grateful that Cooper had been there as he started to navigate the new city and the new stage of his life.

“The play’s wonderful,” Cooper said. “I’m sure you’ll get a chance to go soon. It’ll be running for a while, I think.” He looked at Blaine, and Blaine dreaded whatever was about to come out of his brother’s mouth next. He had the habit of getting him into trouble and was absolutely no help getting him out of it afterwards. “Blaine’s been to see it a couple of times, despite how busy he’s been with his classes and everything…”

Blaine widened his eyes slightly, a silent warning that his brother completely ignored.

“Ah, yes,” their father said, finally putting down his fork, like they were finally talking about something that interested him. “Your classes, Blaine. How are they going? I expect you’ve passed every single one of them?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Blaine muttered awkwardly. He glared at Cooper once more, as his brother did encouraging gestures that were not subtle at all. He sighed. “Well, actually… I’ve made a decision regarding my major, so…”

John sat back, eyebrow arched – those thick, dark eyebrows that looked so much like Blaine’s – and fixed Blaine with a serious look. “What do you mean you’ve made a decision regarding your major? I though we’ve settled on medicine…”

We’ve settled on medicine. Like Blaine had been given a choice at all. Like it hadn’t been entirely up to John to decide what Blaine was going to do with his life.

“I’ve decided to change my major to music,” Blaine blurted out, before he could lose his nerve. “Medicine is definitely a great career, but I don’t want to be a doctor…”

“Music?” John repeated, like he didn’t understand the meaning of that word. “So another one of my children has decided to be a starving artist?”

“Hey! I’m not starving,” Cooper protested, but no one was paying attention to him for once.

“And what exactly do you plan on doing with a music education, huh?” John asked, blue eyes so much like Cooper’s fixed on Blaine like he was the only person still sitting at the table. “Play guitar in a subway station for spare change? Wait tables during the day and play at some second rate bar at night?”

Blaine moved uncomfortably on his seat. “There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but… I actually want to compose music. Maybe for musicals, maybe for movies, maybe just… play music.”

“Just play music,” John said and scoffed. “A very solid plan, son.”

“I just don’t want to live a life I’m not satisfied with,” Blaine said a little desperately. “And I know you guys really wanted me to be some sort of successful professional, but I have to do what’s best for me, right? I have to be happy with myself when I get out of bed in the morning…”

Pam seemed to notice the tension was growing, because she tried to smooth things over: “Of course, Blaine. We understand. Your father is just concerned that…”

But John shook his head, stopping her. “That is an incredibly childish outlook on life, Blaine. Happiness is ephemeral. You need a steady income and a respectable career…”

“Who says I can’t get that?” Blaine asked him. Part of him was starting to get angry, but the rest of him, the larger part that was usually too careful, too prone to put his head down whenever his father barked an order at him wouldn’t let the anger truly rise. “Why can’t you just… believe in me?”

John groaned, like he didn’t have the time for his children’s dreamy dispositions. “I don’t know where we went wrong with you two. I thought we raised you to have a good head on your shoulders.”

Blaine glanced at Cooper, who looked like he had just been slapped. He felt a bit like that, too. He had expected some resistance to his new career path, but their father was being overly harsh. He didn’t understand.

“I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me,” he said quietly. “But it’s my life. I want to do what I think is right.”

Slowly, John nodded, like he was considering Blaine’s words. Then he stood up, leaving the napkin carefully on the table. “Very well. Do whatever you want. But I won’t be paying for it.”

“John…” Pam started. “Let’s not be hasty…”

“I’m not going to put him through college just so he can throw his life away, Pam!” John exclaimed.

“We can talk about this some other day,” Pam insisted. “It’s Christmas, John.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” John replied. “He’s free to do whatever he wants, of course. He can spend the rest of his days scraping by and counting dimes so he can make rent. I’m not going to help him in any way. Pay your way through college, Blaine. And if you ever come to your senses and realize you’ve made a mistake, I’ll be more than happy to help you get a real degree.”

He walked out of the dining room, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence.

Cooper cleared his throat. “Well,” he muttered after a couple of minutes. “What’s for desert, then?”

Blaine pushed his plate away. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

[husbandograveyard]

Hi Hazel! Birthday week, waaah exciting! I hope you're having so much fun with all those requests and drabbles ( ˘ ³˘)

Could I ask for the letter O from the fluff alphabet with Geto, please? I know he's a favorite of yours as well and I've been really enjoying your takes on JJK chars so far <3

Thank you so much!

Henlo Lale! I am having SO much fun, and THANK YOU for requesting Geto, I have been having so much love for him on my mind, so i am happy to indulge you and myself in this one. Think I'll be finishing the night with this one before I dive into bed with the -no doubt- wonderful Itachi you wrote me as a bedtime story (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡ enjoy!

2nd person. GN reader. No warnings, just fluff. [A/N]/going with pre-incident/AU Geto for making life a little easier, but may do an alt version of older Geto if my requests run out during the week/

O - On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Suguru is in love, it’s not super obvious at first, at least not for most people. There is no humming, skipping in the street or head in the clouds situation, but there are some definite signs that will immediately tip off anyone who knows him better. 

It starts with the way he smiles whenever you’re around. You can’t quite say what is different about it, just that it is. The way it reaches his eyes, cheeky grins being replaced with sincere smiles, and genuine laughter way more often around you. The sound is enough to make the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He will be checking his phone more often, just to see if he’s got a message from you. He will subtly update you about his day, send random pictures, anything to start a conversation. And the best of it all: even the mundane conversations will become exciting and entertaining some way? You don’t know how he does it, but he manages to ask the right questions and say just the right thing to make the conversation flow so easily, making you crave his presence as much as he craves yours.

I’d like to think that he is pretty straightforward about his feelings, but he will test the waters first: a hangout with just you, a late night conversation in the dorms running till way past midnight, the two of you finding more and more deep topics to discuss, not even noticing just how tired your bodies are cause your minds and hearts are just racing. When he’s sure enough that you like him as well, he’ll be straightforward about it. He’ll ask you out, clear about his romantic intentions. And how can you refuse, when there is such a love-filled determination in his eyes?

This is part of my AB(C)-Day event! Click here to join!

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

And that kids is, how I met your mother   Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

You were alone, left out in the cold Clinging to the ruin of your broken home Too lost and hurting to carry your load We all need someone to hold

You've been fighting the memory, all on your own Nothing worsens, nothing grows I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain We all need someone to stay We all need someone to stay

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day you were helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

Summary: You feel grief and loss keenly, the loss of innocence and family but as you confide your secrets to Nikolai Lantsov, you feel a beginning of a home in him. 

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky x Reader (Platonic), Nina Zenik x Reader (Platonic), Genya Safin x Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Pure tooth rotting fluff, angst and comfort, lots of humor, unrequited love that might be requited, denial, pining, mentions of death and violence, Kaz Brekker being an absolute asshole. 

A/N: Hi everyone! I’m very grateful for your kindness, love and support that encourages me to keep going! I apologize for the delay but here is the long awaited Chapter 4 to this work, you have all been waiting for patiently so thank you for your patience!  I hope you all like it and I’m excited! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because I really struggled through writer’s block on this one.

Let me know if you want a cast list for the below characters introduced! I’ve already made one, so I’m super excited. 

I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 1 - Until I Found Her

Chapter 2 - Labyrinth

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street

Nikolai sat lazily on the couch as he listened to Zoya, Genya, Tamar, Tolya and David converse animatedly by the fireside with coffee and brandy after a long day of meetings as the rain fell outside. Nikolai felt content as he listened to Zoya and Genya argue about blonde or brunette hair, simple and ordinary things and his hazel eyes naturally found and fell on you. Nikolai smiled softly and warmly as he drank in the sight of you lay your legs on Nina’s lap as she read a book while you were completely focused and dedicated to sketching something in your sketchbook. Nikolai gazed at you in wonder and adoration because you looked absolutely beautiful, your brow furrowed in concentration, your eyes gleaming with imagination and reminiscence and your face glowing with relaxation and thoughtfulness. 

Nikolai’s thoughts were interrupted by a sharp nudge to his ribs as he looked at Zoya who was looking at him with a knowing look “When are you going to ask her out?”

“I - what - no - “

“Please spare us all and tell her how you feel. Or at least ask her out on a date.” said Genya wearing a knowing expression as she grinned teasingly exchanging subtle looks with Zoya as they remembered their bet “Your pining and puppy dog eyes are getting sad to watch. And besides, she’s been out and about with certain people who have eyes on her.”

Nikolai sat up a little straighter, his expression one of pure curiosity as he looked at his friends “Who?

“Well, the lords and ladies of the Ravkan Court are quite bold in their advances toward her, inviting her to parties and picnics but there is one in particular who is determined to pursue a romantic relationship with her... Duke Dimitri Theronton.” informed Zoya in a matter - of - fact voice with a knowing gleam in her eyes as she looked at Nikolai who looked absolutely jealous as his fists clenched in anger. “He has been around Y/N quite a lot accompanying her to his parties, horse races and inviting her for walks and picnics. He’s infatuated with her.”

Nikolai knew Duke Dimitri Theronton who had been one of Vasily’s best friends and had bullied Nikolai in his childhood, accompanying his brother to Caryeva indulging himself in the pleasure of women and horses, wild parties and drunk debauchery. A pit of protectiveness grew within him at the thought of the wild and flirtatious Duke who slept with men and women he tossed aside thoughtlessly after using them, being within an inch of your presence.  

“If you don’t do something soon, you might lose your chance with Y/N.” encouraged Genya with a twinkle in her eyes as she winked at Zoya as they both observed Nikolai’s jealous and protective expression at the mention of Duke Theronton who was wooing you “You need to man up, Nikolai.”

“Man up? I’m sorry but I don’t see gender, sir.” replied Nikolai sassily as he looked at Genya who rolled her eyes at him and he sighed “I do really like Y/N but I can’t make her choice for her.”

“Okay but you at least need to show her that you are an option. If you don’t, she won’t know that you are a choice.” replied Zoya honestly as she leaned back on her armchair because she was not going to lose her money to Nina. “Why don’t you ask her out... just the two of you? Please just do it and spare us the suffering.”

“And the loss of money.” piped in David with a glint in his eyes while Genya tried to shush him and Zoya shot him a fierce glare. “There’s so many bets on both of you so you have to get your act together, Nikolai because Genya can’t lose her bet to Nadia and Nina and Zoya can’t lose her money to Nina, Tamar and Tolya, and Tamar can’t lose her money to Tolya.”

Nikolai cocked his head as he looked at his friends with indignation and amazement as he spluttered understanding dawning on his face “Are you betting on me and Y/N? How long has this been going on?” 

“I mean, it has been going on for a long time. Everyone is in on it even the servants and the council.” said David helpfully as he scribbled on his notebook “They all know you really like her because you look at her like an unsolved equation you want to solve.”

“This is outrageous!” exclaimed Nikolai feeling heat creep up to his cheeks in humiliation and embarrassment at the thought of his own subjects betting on his personal life and glared at Genya and Zoya “I assume you two are responsible for this mess!”

“It started as harmless fun between just a few of us but then the rest of the palace wanted to join in. It has turned into a very large betting pool.” explained Genya with a wide grin as she looked at Nikolai’s wide eyes of surprise while Zoya hid a smirk “Zoya handles the betting pool of the Little Palace. I handle the betting pool of the palace staff and Tamar handles the betting pool of the others who joined in.”

“I cannot believe you are betting on my love life! In fact I cannot believe the whole palace is betting on my love life!” exclaimed Nikolai in frustration and embarrassment as he stamped his foot in childish petulance. 

“Oh grow up. It’s just a bit of good fun to pass the time.” said Zoya easily with a smug smirk “Go ask Y/N out and win Nina and me three bets, won’t you?”

“I’m leaving.” announced Nikolai gathering the pieces of his broken dignity as he huffed and walked away from his friends amused laughter making his way toward you who had moved toward another sofa, far away from the fireplace. 

Nikolai’s heart fluttered as you looked up and smiled at him as he sat next to you “Hello darling. You could have joined us.”

You smiled at him as you stopped sketching and looked at him fondly “I just... I just wanted to be alone.”

Nikolai’s heart dropped as he saw quiet reminiscence and sadness dancing in your eyes “Oh. Shall I leave?”

“No. Stay with me.” you said firmly as you reached out for his hand and squeezed it gently, the warmth and tenderness of his hand seeping and mingling with yours as your fragile heart begged him to not leave you alone. 

Nikolai felt glad and happy knowing that he would give you anything you asked as he moved toward you and smiled when you placed your legs on his lap lazily and he lightly placed his hand on your ankles as he looked at you in curiosity and deep fondness “I’ll never leave you. I didn’t see you at all today, sweetheart. I almost sent search parties to look for you. I was worried. Where were you?”

“I spent the whole day in the chapel praying to the Saints and thinking. Then I went to the kitchen and had the prettiest cake. After that I went for a long walk out in the palace grounds and I just sat in the gardens until it got dark. Until Nina found me in the rain.” you said thoughtfully and quietly as you rubbed a butterfly crested ring on your finger “It was nice.”

Nikolai was surprised as he looked at you focus on your sketching again as he questioned in curiosity because he knew you weren’t particularly religious and your activities today felt slightly different “Why were you in the chapel?” 

“Come, my little butterfly. Let’s get you to bed and I’ll tell you a story. One that ends happily ever after.”

“It’s my father’s birthday.” the words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them as your eyes widened in shock at how easily you had confided this well kept secret to Nikolai whose hazel eyes sparkled with tender affection and soft understanding as he realized why you had done what you had done “I wanted to... I wanted to talk with him and celebrate his birthday with him, I suppose.”

You scoffed as you thought of how stupid you were “I’m so stupid. Throwing a birthday party for a dead father -”

But Nikolai placed his hand upon yours, his face etched with gentleness and tenderness as he looked at you with sincerity “It’s not stupid. It’s the most wonderful thing that you didn’t forget him. Your father is absolutely lucky to have you as a daughter.”

You smiled gratefully as you blinked back unshed tears as you looked away from Nikolai and focused on finishing your sketch and after a long moment, Nikolai who was full of curiosity because he wanted to know all about you, what your family was like and what you were like when you were a little girl as he asked “You don’t have to answer... but what was your father like?”

“My father...  I am told that he was a gangster who ran one of the most feared gangs in Ketterdam.” you said with a wide grin, your eyes twinkling in pride and amusement at how Nikolai’s jaw dropped in shock and amazement “He was a son of a Ravkan aristocratic family that ran away to find his fortune in Ketterdam and built himself a reputation in Ketterdam  as a violent and clever gangster who killed ruthlessly and instilled fear in his enemies, always ten steps ahead of them. No one dared to look at him the wrong way or they’d be cut, killed, murdered, shot and butchered whether they were innocent or guilty. Everyone called him mad and cold, ambitious and dark, cruel and vengeful man in a position of power and privilege who was the bringer of death and destruction.”

Nikolai was completely stunned and shocked as he stared at you with amazement and astonishment realizing that you were the daughter of a Ravkan born aristocrat who had become a feared gangster in Ketterdam and wondered what your childhood was like. He wondered whether your childhood was filled with violence and bloodshed, tears and pain as he stared at you in surprise. He couldn’t imagine your father as a notorious killing machine but yet the more he looked at you, the more it became certain that you were not afraid of your father. 

You smiled fondly at the memories of your father. He was a cold and cruel man to the rest of the world but he was the best father to you and your brother. Your father loved your brother unconditionally but he had always wanted a daughter so when you came along, he had doted on you with overwhelming affection and love. You remembered your father coming back home from work with a big smile on his face as he hugged you and held you in his arms as he told you how much he missed you. 

You heard the wheels of the carriage roll up the driveway as you raced your brother through the house in excitement and happiness at your father coming back home ignoring your mother’s shouts to stop running down the stairs as you ran out of the house and up to the carriage with a bright grin “Daddy!”

Out of the carriage stepped a handsome man made of cold steel and sharp edges dressed in all black but his hard face softened immensely as he smiled adoringly and lovingly at the sight of his beautiful daughter running toward him, feeling grateful to be alive as he hugged his precious daughter tightly in his arms. 

His daughter never knew how much he had missed holding her in his arms as he beamed brightly, his cold heart warm and happy as he took a good look at his daughter making sure she was healthy and unharmed, stroking her pretty hair that curled down to her shoulders. 

“Hello my Y/N! Come here, let me look at you! I missed you. I missed you so much, my sunshine.” confessed your father sincerely and lovingly, his heart full of gladness and affection as he cupped her chubby rosy cheeks in his hands, his eyes twinkling with warmth as he placed a loving kiss on her forehead. 

Your father would never miss an opportunity to carry you in his arms, holding the weight of you in his arms as he pressed kisses on your cheek and forehead adoringly. He’d tuck you to bed and read you stories in silly voices making you giggle and sing you lullabies until you fell asleep and stay by your side holding your little hand in his as he stared at you with overwhelming love as you slept. Your father would play games of hide and seek and pirates and privateers, princesses and dragons with you and your brother, his eyes gleaming with mischief and his expression one of good natured laughter. He’d hold your little hand in his as you both took long walks in the countryside as you chattered happily to him and he listened with a happy smile. 

Your father let you sit on his lap as he read his newspaper and his study where no one was allowed to enter, you were the exception as he let you sit on his lap as he read his documents and talked with you. When you were sick, your father would hold you in his arms and yell at the doctor to be careful with you and do their best and stay by your bedside as he held your hand gently and kindly. Your father was a gangster and yet he’d participate in your tea parties, style your hair, play with your dolls and beautiful dollhouse that he’d gift you every time he’d come back from Ketterdam. 

The world believed that your father was a man of cruelty but to you he was the man who cleaned and bandaged your first bruises and wounds and kissed them better gently as he advised you that pain only makes you stronger. Your father was the man who would never miss any of your birthdays, always celebrating each one extravagantly with beautiful iced cake as he wrapped his arm around you while you blew the candles and made a wish. He was a devoted and doting father who doted upon you showering you with pretty dresses of the latest fashion, sketch books and paintbrushes, the most beautiful dolls, puzzles and books for you to read. He was the man who had taught you to ride a horse and climb trees and fight with your bare hands and sewed buttons on your coat. When your father discovered your talent for art, he encouraged it. Your father encouraged your love of learning and was determined to teach you more about the world. 

“But my father made sure we lived far away from Ketterdam in the countryside, away from the violence and death. Family meant everything to him... it was his shelter from the storm. He was cold and cruel to the rest of the world but when he was home with us, he was nothing but loving and warm father who’d smile and laugh and play little practical jokes and spring surprises on us.” you recalled with a happy and fond smile as you thought of your father who hugged you warmly and danced with you around the house with a bright smile, spinning you in your brand new dress. “I know you won’t believe me but he was the best father in the world. I loved him so much and he loved me more than I deserved.”

Nikolai’s heart softened at the wholesome picture of a notorious gangster adoring his daughter with all heart and spoiling her as he replied “I’ll be truthful. If anyone else told me that, I wouldn’t believe them. But I believe you.”

“Why?”

“Your eyes. You remember him with so much love that it’s impossible to think that your father never loved you.” said Nikolai honestly and sincerely as your heart skipped a beat at how much he knew you and saw the smallest things you tried to hide and the world didn’t see “You can always tell a father’s merit in the way their child’s eyes light up and they talk about them. Your eyes sparkle happily and you talk about him as if he treated you better than a royal princess with so much love and warmth that you never felt left out and lonely.”

You were surprised at how much Nikolai understood you as you gazed at him in wonder and astonishment as you hesitated and contemplated on letting him on a secret you had never told anyone, not the Crows, not even Kaz as you finally looked at him and decided to take the leap of faith “My father loved me as his own. And that was impressive considering that... that... I was never his.”

Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he saw you look at him vulnerably with sacred trust and faith mingled with fear of rejection and Nikolai understood how you were feeling better than anyone as he was filled with curiosity and understanding as he inquired “What do you mean?”

“You know, my father was known in Ketterdam as a man who would do a job at any cost. A man who didn’t care about the lives he took as long as it served his purpose. One stormy night, he found a baby girl on the steps of his office. Whoever left me there must have hoped that my father would kill me and get rid of me instantly.” you said as pain and hurt flashed in your face but your eyes twinkled with gratitude and amazement as you thought of your father who was not your flesh and blood that had chosen to love you instead of hurt you “My father thought I was a trap or a lost child at first but he decided to keep me and raise me as his own daughter.”

Nikolai’s eyes widened as his heart swelled in amazement and surprise at how caring and loving of a heart your father must have had to adopt and unconditionally love a child who was not his own flesh and blood. His breath caught in his throat as he realized that you were stripping down your walls as you confided your deepest secrets in him, the fact that your parents had abandoned you to die at a hands of a feared gangster but fate had a different plan for you. His heart sank in dismay and anger at the thought of your parents leaving you heartlessly as a baby girl in front of the doorstep of the most feared and ruthless gangster believing that he would dispose of your life mercilessly and pain clenched through him as he realized that you had been abandoned from birth. Nikolai met your vulnerable and hurt, soft and sincere gaze as he squeezed your hand gently amazed at the kind heart that the ruthless gangster had possessed to take in you as his own and raise you with so much love and affection and wondered why his own father couldn’t do the same. His own father who was of noble birth, a king, could not come to love Nikolai as his own child and be proud of him but a gangster with blood on his hands had loved you endlessly as his own. 

“Your father sounds amazing. Do you ever miss your real parents? Have you tried searching for them?” asked Nikolai in curiosity, not missing the hurt and anger that flashed in your eyes at the mention of your birth parents. 

“They left me to rot and die with no regard for my well being. Why would I search for the very people who abandoned me?” you shot back fiercely and passionately as your arms curled around yourself protectively as you felt tears spring up in your eyes. “I had real parents... I had my father and my brother. That was enough for me.”

“Daddy is home. Cake and cookies every night!”

“Your father sounds very different from mine.” confessed Nikolai honestly and sincerely as he felt your fingers intertwine with his gently and warmly as he thought of his own father who had never shown pride for him “Your father made you feel like you belong to him and never unloved and alone. You never had to earn your place in your family. Your father loved you from the moment he saw you. He took you as his own and never treated you any differently. You came into his life as a daughter and he never saw you as anything else.”

You were taken aback in surprise because Nikolai had understood your relationship with your father very well as he continued in quiet exhaustion and pain he tried to hide behind a bright smile “My father, the King of Ravka who was meant to represent everything good and noble always made me feel like I had no place in this world. I was never his son, always treated as a lowly and different bastard son who was of no interest and pride to him. Everything I had to do, I did to work hard to just earn a word of praise or a smile, earn all his love from him and try to belong to him.”

You didn’t understand why tears pricked your eyes but some part of you deep down understood how Nikolai felt as you held his hand in both of your hands wishing that his father was alive so you could grant him a slow and painful death as you thought of your own childhood when your mother had found pleasure in revealing that you were not their own flesh and blood. But then you remembered how your father had found you crying in the stables, as he told you the truth and reassured you that no matter what you didn’t owe him anything, he loved you from the moment he first saw you and that no matter what, you were always his daughter. 

You had your father comfort you and chase away the loneliness with his warmth and love but Nikolai had been alone for so long with no one to show him that he was wrong about himself. 

You remembered something that your father had said to you a long time ago as you looked at Nikolai who looked so lost and pained as you said softly “I’ll tell you something and I want you to remember it carefully. You don’t owe your family anything. You don’t owe anyone anything, Nikolai. Nikolai, you never should have had to earn your place in your family, bastard or blood. You came into your father’s life as a son and it was his place to love you endlessly. Love is not something that is earned. And you deserve all the love in the world, Nikolai.”

“Your father was wrong and heartless. Your whole family was completely wrong in making you feel as if you never belonged in your own home.” you said softly in distress and pain as you wrapped your arms around him tightly and hugged him “It’s not your fault. You are good enough. You were always good enough.”

Nikolai’s heart swelled with emotions that he thought he had locked up and moved on from as tears sprang into his hazel eyes as he blinked them, burying his head on your shoulder as he held you tightly in his arms, afraid that if he let you go, you would vanish. Nikolai felt a heavy burden lifted off his heart at hearing those words said with such raw sincerity and truth that he couldn’t help but choke back a sob because he didn’t understand how much his soul needed to hear that it wasn’t his fault, that he was good enough until now. 

You hugged Nikolai tightly as you buried your head on his shoulder as you felt his tears fall onto the fabric of your dress as you whispered “Hey... I got you.”

For some reason, this made Nikolai laugh in amusement and comfort as he smiled into your shoulder amidst the tears and then after a few moments broke away from you. There was a long moment of silence as you looked at Nikolai in concern and realized he wanted to be alone with his thoughts as you returned back to your sketch while he stared into the space thoughtfully. 

After a long moment, Nikolai broke the silence with a question “But you must have felt lonely. I mean, you had your brother but was it just both of you in the house?”

You thought of the big house that you grew up in. It had been empty and cold at times but you remembered mostly the warmth, light and laughter that spilled out of it whenever your father had company over. Your father’s closest group of fearsome and terrifying friends in his gang occupied the house most of the time when they weren’t busy maiming, killing, torturing, destroying and hurting people. But these people weren’t criminals to you, they were the closest thing you had to aunts and uncles who were incredibly fond of you. 

These people took care of you since you were a baby and they were the only family you ever knew. Uncle Sebastian was your father’s right hand man and second in command but you knew him as your godfather and playful uncle who was a very good sharpshooter that taught you how to handle guns, had the craziest ideas for pranks and spoiled you with cuddles and presents. Your father would recall with a fond smile how Uncle Sebastian would never leave your side once you were found and stayed by your side telling you stories and making you giggle and had difficulty leaving you until your father physically had to push him out of the house. There were times you did feel alone despite being surrounded by such love and warmth and you would tell Uncle Sebastian how you felt knowing that he of all people would understand. 

Your Uncle Minjun was calm and composed, always well dressed and smiled that pleased smile of love around his wife, Aunt Ari and a reserved fond smile for you. You had always respected Uncle Minjun who was well - educated and wise on very many great matters and one of your father’s closest advisors. You and your brother would listen with rapt attention and great pleasure his stories about his time at University of Ketterdam studying law. He’d encourage you and your brother’s love for learning and curiosity and encouraged you to experiment and explore. Your brother and you were curious as to how to build a bomb? Say no more, Uncle Minjun was your man. Your brother nurtured a fascination for flowers and plants? Don’t worry, Uncle Minjun was there to teach him how to grow and landscape a garden, providing him plenty of books about nature. Your brother voiced that he wanted to perhaps study International Relations at the University of Ketterdam? Uncle Minjun would place a stack of books for beginner’s in International Relations and provide a recommendation list of tutors who he thought could help him. You were fascinated with art? Oh Uncle Minjun had your back, bringing you books on art and art history and taking you to art exhibitions with Aunt Ari. If there was anyone who took a serious interest in your education as much as your father, it was your Uncle Minjun. In a world where the education of girls was not taken seriously, Uncle Minjun was one of the strongest advocates to your father voicing that you were a bright, smart and sharp girl, dismissing your mother’s opinions on the fact that you should marry and listening to your own opinions and treating you as an equal. It was because of him, your father had the finest governesses to teach you and keep you company and report your progress to him and Uncle Minjun who was so proud of you. 

Uncle Yuri was one of your favorites. While Uncle Minjun favored the indoors, sitting in a nice library, Uncle Yuri favored the great outdoors climbing trees and swimming in lakes. You had learned that Uncle Yuri was a demolitions expert for your father and could blow anything up and had helped you and your brother with Uncle Minjun to build bombs and grenades in a safe environment. His silly faces and jokes rivaled his husband, Uncle Sebastian’s making you giggle and laugh. Uncle Yuri had an easy and lovely smile and was playful and good natured always taking you and your brother outside to play and have picnics, long walks, feeding the ducks, swims, and carrying you on his shoulders as he chattered with you and your brother. Uncle Yuri and Uncle Sebastian often babysat you the most, Uncle Sebastian letting you get into mischief and Uncle Yuri being the sensible one. Whenever Uncle Yuri entered the house, you would be ready with a hug and he would make you try to catch the latest hat he was wearing with a mischievous grin as he watched you jump up and down for it but in the end relented and placed it on your head every time. But Uncle Yuri was kind - hearted and earnest always insisting that if there was anything wrong, you could confide in him.

Uncle David was another constant presence in your home with his dry sense of humor, wide smile and strength. He was a strong and calm gentleman but whenever he was with you, he became childish and playful. He snuck in snacks, cookies, donuts, iced cupcakes that both of you shared while sitting next to each other and listening to gossip as you both exchanged sassy glances, he slapped or scolded anyone who kept a weapon within your vicinity, spoiled you with the prettiest and most expensive dresses, dolls and books as he competed with your uncles and aunts on who could get you the best presents, danced with you spinning you around to the music, defending you sassily when your mother made a passive aggressive remark about you, competing with you in races and childish games they held and voicing his pride in you whenever you painted art or mastered a difficult task. You remember him losing his temper and nearly blowing off Uncle Minjun’s and Uncle Yuri’s heads when he found out that they had taught you how to handle knives and blow up things. He was very protective of you when it came to boys and bonded over it with the rest of your uncles, father and brother. If he saw you talking to a boy, he would assess their prospects for the future, their character and recommend that no one was good enough for you which your father agreed with. Although he was protective, he was fiercely loyal and brave and stood up for what he believed in. 

In your memory, Aunt Maya was the most stunning and beautiful woman you had come across. She possessed entrancing purple eyes, dark skin, and a smile that enchanted everyone. Aunt Maya was a very powerful Grisha who possessed the remarkable powers of a squaller, a heartrender, a healer, an inferni, a fabrikator and a tidemaker. Her powers as a fabrikator and tidemaker were her weakest but the rest of her abilities were absolutely wonderful and powerful. From a young age, you understood the utmost importance of keeping her unique abilities a secret. Being a Grisha was one thing, being a Grisha who could channel different powers and abilities with ease and grace was dangerous in the world. Aunt Maya was a beautiful woman with a gorgeous smile who always wore the most divine dresses and high heels. Aunt Maya was faithful and loyal to your father who had helped her escape bounty hunters and given her safety and protection within his gang. Aunt Maya loved you as her own, telling you stories about Grisha and their abilities, about the Darkling and the Fold, the power of the amplifiers, Morozova and his work, the universe and the greed of men, the lives of the Saints and her life at the Little Palace before she became a target marked as dangerous. 

Aunt Natalia was soft and sweet, your godmother. She was a soft spoken spy who was quiet most of the time and could never hear her footsteps when she approached you. But when attacked or provoked, she had the fiercest temper and strongest spirit you knew. Everyone admired her cleverness and kindness and the willingness to do what needed to be done no matter what the cost and her innocent and sweet demeanor often deceived many into thinking she was harmless when she was very dangerous. Aunt Natalia, your godmother was the mother your mother never was to you. She always let you sit on her lap and always made sure you ate your meals on time, played with you and took walks with you, yelled at you whenever you did something stupid and risky like scaling your house when you were once left alone. She admired your paintings and became excited whenever you did anything, talked with you about everything and nothing, played peacemaker when you and your brother fought with each other and made you both promise to always put it each other first, and sewed you pretty dresses of the latest fashion and knitted you and your brother countless socks, scarves and sweaters you didn’t have the heart to say no to. She took care of you, showering you with plenty of hugs and kisses adoringly. 

Aunt Holly was the fun aunt who always livened up the house with her merry presence and jolly smile. She always had her weapons on her at all times from her knives, her revolvers and her other discreet weapons that she would use properly. She was the aunt who loved food with all her heart so when she was around, she’d take charge of the kitchen and cook meals. You had heard stories of her work as an assassin, of how once she had fought off a gang of men with only a frying pan and killed slavers with a flower pot. Aunt Holly was the aunt who let you have your first shot of kvas secretly, who taught you to handle knives, who taught you how to walk the tightrope and glide so silently on your feet and hide in the shadows. Holly taught you how to climb and scale buildings and leap off from one roof to another, one tree branch to another and use lockpicks to break in and out of rooms. Holly was the aunt your father despaired having around because you would love listening her recount exciting stories of gang wars and bloodshed in Ketterdam and different strategies of how to blend in and steal a wallet. You found it all very fascinating and that worried your father who wanted you away from this life as possible. When your father and your godfather had seen you balancing yourself on a ledge, trying to walk without fear, they nearly had a heart attack as everyone shouted at you to get down but Aunt Holly laughed and encouraged you to continue without any fear. 

Aunt Ari was an absolute fashionista always dressed to impress and kill. She was cheerful and bright, clever and cruel in her own way. She was a powerful heartrender who loved torturing men with her abilities and was able to extract information from them. Aunt Ari taught you Shu and talked with you in Shu most of the time. Aunt Ari liked telling you stories from her travels around the world and reading you stories as she tucked you to bed. She loved answering your wild questions with wildly imaginative and beautiful answers without laughing at you. She was a talented and gifted musician who had a talent for beautifully singing. She encouraged you and your brother’s love of music. Although you loved music, you were not a gifted pianist like your brother became under your Aunt Ari’s tutelage. Your brother had a wonderful talent for playing the piano and singing. You often played duets with Aunt Ari and your brother but you didn’t feel that you were good enough of a pianist. Aunt Ari didn’t give up on you presenting you with various instruments until you came across the violin that had belonged to her sister who had passed away that was untouched since her death. Aunt Ari who had seen you eye it longingly, had let you touch it and learn to play it. The moment you learned to play it, you loved every moment of playing the violin and became incredibly good at it. It gave you the peace that painting gave you. You loved how when you started to play the violin, everything else faded away and you felt you could reflect peacefully. As you mastered the violin, Aunt Ari would watch your progress with a proud expression, blinking back tears of joy in her eyes at seeing you finally bring music to the world with her sister’s violin. 

Aunt Adira was the thief and charming temptress with a warm smile that distracted many people while the real work took place. You remembered her warm hugs and her stories of her own family that she had lost when she had been taken by slavers. Ketterdam had been hell to her but she had made a bargain with your father who had paid her indenture and freed her as she sharpened her skills as a thief and a charming spy who listened quietly and patiently for information and extracted important information for your father to use against his enemies. Adira was full of kindness always helping anyone out anyway she could and full of faith in the Saints. She prayed to the Saints every day and taught you prayers to Saints. No one understood how she kept faith in a faithless world but she had once confided that faith was her peace in the chaos of the world. Adira treated you and your brother with such sweetness and kindness, sometimes you would see her eyes stare at you both in wistfulness and misty tears. You didn’t know it then but your father had confided in you that both of you reminded her of her children that the slavers had taken separating her from them and was still searching for. Aunt Adira was fierce and steadfast in her spirit, fighting for what was right and standing up for what she believed in and spoke up when she thought someone was wrong. She was true to her values and often showered you with hugs and kisses, food and flower crowns.

Tag, you’re it. Take care of them, would be the motto that they passed on when one of them left you and your brother in the care of another.  

You would describe your home as a mad house full of laughter and good times. Birthdays were celebrated with extravagance and happiness with presents exchanged and wishes made on the candles of the prettiest cakes, dinner parties where stories were exchanged over drinks and food were hosted, dances where your uncles would each take turns dancing with you, the discussions where swearing was prohibited and words such as murder and torture were substituted with kid friendly words, evening tea and midnight feasts with the guns and knives lying on the table as they held you in their arms and kept you far away from weapons, warm days where your aunts and uncles would play with you and your brother outside, and rainy days where theatricals and pranks, paintings and music were ever present in the home with tremendous love, laughter and hugs. 

“Not really. I had my aunts and uncles - my father’s closest friends in his gang who visited most of the time. It never felt lonely with them around... it felt like a mad house.” you said as you remembered the loud raucous laughter whenever a prank was pulled and the bright smiles that lit up the atmosphere “There was always some prank pulled, some game played, someone yelling, running around and laughing, bonfire nights and garden parties, and dinners and birthdays celebrated... having the time of our lives.”

Nikolai smiled at the description of the very warm and cozy house as he pictured a family full of vengeful gangsters laughing and having the time of their lives with children who didn’t know loneliness and emptiness but only knew love and warmth as he looked at you in interest “What happened to them?”

“Some of them died. Some of them... I think they are alive... but I don’t know. The rumors I’ve heard of them suggest that  some of them are still alive and out there but I don’t want to hope.” you said tired and exhausted as you closed your eyes thinking of all the rumors and whispers you had heard of their whereabouts even though they had faded away long time ago. 

You simply had given up hope for a happy ending. 

When Nikolai inquired their names, you paused for a moment hesitantly and told him. Nikolai gasped audibly because the names you had just revealed to him were cautionary tales told to the children of Ravka and ghost stories whispered aboard his ship about the Order of the Dark Knights. Nikolai knew that you grew up with gangsters but he couldn’t quite comprehend and wrap his head around the fact that you grew up around the most feared and dangerous gangsters in Kerch and all of the world before the Crows came into the scene. He couldn’t believe that your father was the feared and revered leader of the Order of the Dark Knights who had blood on his hands and each tale more gruesome and fearsome than the last. Nikolai grew up hearing stories about each member who was uniquely talented and dangerous that no child should emulate, certainly not a Ravkan aristocrat. Nikolai had been fascinated with the thieves who set themselves apart with their ability to shed blood and fearsome talents. The last Nikolai heard of the Order of the Dark Knights was that they were burned to death in their leader’s house by an enemy. There were rumors someone had betrayed the gangster’s location and rumors that some members were still alive and stayed hidden undercover even today waiting for the right moment to rise. That they didn’t really die that night. 

Nikolai looked at you and then understanding dawned upon him as his eyes widened “Y/L/N. Your last name is a fake one, isn’t it? You wouldn’t be so stupid as to take your father’s last name in Ketterdam and paint a target on your back.”

You smiled in amazement and astonishment wondering how Nikolai got you so perfectly, your eyes twinkling in mischief and reminiscence at the last name you had adopted from your imaginative mind “My first name is my real one. But I’m surprised at how well you know me. My last name is a fake one. Life isn’t easy when you realize that your father has many enemies who’d want to take their revenge on him by hurting him.”

“My sunshine, rule number one... please don’t ever become me.”

Nikolai remembered how his mother would tell him stories of your father’s ruthless ways. Your father was a story that intrigued Nikolai, the story about the heir who grew up in one of the most prominent and wealthy Honorable Aristocratic Houses of Ravka that was known for its nobility and purity of bloodline and everlasting loyalty to the Crown of Ravka to the point of blind following. The parents of this family had been rumored to be cold and heartless, grooming the children to be the perfect and invincible soldiers and subjects of Ravka and the children were seen as an example of perfection in every manner.

Of the particular family your father was the oldest and he had a younger brother, both eligible young bachelors who held positions of power and privilege in the Ravkan Court. But while the youngest was too happy to oblige and follow the rules, the heir of the family, the oldest brother rebelled and questioned the rules in place and how they were unfair to the poor. There were rumors of him being punished for simply visiting the poor and understanding the Grisha and mingling with them and becoming friends with the outcasts and the hungry. 

The final string snapped when the heir of this prestigious family stepped to defend a soldier who was a scapegoat for treason against the King by a larger force. He was considered a traitor to the country when he pleaded a pardon for his long time friend, a poor man, a soldier who had been wrongfully accused of treason and sentenced to death. But your father could not let injustice of this country stand as he finally decided to act upon and decide who he was once and for all as he plotted and freed the soldier from his chains in the dungeons and a dangerous Grisha girl who had been locked in there for a long time just because her power was one no one else understood. Your father ran away in the night with the soldier and the Grisha girl escaping to Ketterdam where he started a new life climbing the criminal ladder with two faithful and loyal friends. 

The soldier was none other than your godfather and father’s best friend, Sebastian and the dangerous Grisha girl who escaped alongside them was your Aunt Maya. 

Your father hated the lot of them just as much as they hated him. He was burned from the family tree after been marked as a traitor and no one in his family spoke his name for he disgraced him with his act of treachery and the acts he committed as the leader of the Order of the Dark Knights and occupied a high position in the Merchants Council in Ketterdam. Nikolai knew that the story was intended to be a cautionary tale but he couldn’t help but feel inspired how your father was everything that everyone were afraid to be in the most dark and difficult times. Nikolai was inspired at how your father gave up his whole world, his family, his country to do what was right instead of living an easy life.

Nikolai had known your father’s younger brother. He held a position as an advisor in the court for a long time mending and repairing the honor of his family damaged by your father’s reckless actions. He was quiet and reserved, well mannered and intelligent, observant and calm. Vasily often made fun of the soft spoken advisor but Nikolai liked your father’s young brother. From his younger days, Nikolai admired the composed and smart brother Matthew who was gentle and kind - hearted to Nikolai, never acknowledging the rumors about him being a bastard but had only treated Nikolai as an equal and a noble prince. As Nikolai grew up, he struck up an odd sort of friendship with the Matthew who became Nikolai’s mentor, favorite advisor and a good friend. 

Nikolai remembers the Matthew's love for his family. Your father’s family was notorious for its cold disposition and harshness in raising perfect children so Nikolai had expected the same from your father’s younger brother. He had been pleasantly surprised to see your father’s Matthew treat his children differently. Nikolai who was invited to the advisor’s house for countless soirees, talks and meals would witness Matthew spin his children around with a grin when he came home from work and then hug his wife tightly with a bright and tender smile. 

Matthew never shared much about his family but only shared the vision Nikolai had for Ravka. Nikolai was astounded at his intelligence and observations, as he taught Nikolai his own sharp perceptions and observations about whose opinions mattered in the court for a King, what they liked and disliked, their family backgrounds and what the court thought of Vasily and Nikolai. A lot of what Matthew shared with Nikolai helped Nikolai to mold himself and charm his subjects, generals and advisors into seeing Nikolai as a charming, smart and capable leader. 

Though his mentor never shared much about his family, Nikolai would glimpse a certain look of wistful sadness and pained bitterness about his brother who had been marked a traitor and banished on the pain of death. He had once caught his mentor staring at the burnt name on the tapestry of the family tree with quiet contemplation and longing, as if he carried a great burden of loss and grief on his shoulders. Nikolai had left him alone but had not forgotten that sight for it was not a well spoken and polite aristocrat he had seen then, he had seen a brother who was grieving for the loss of a brother he could not get back. Once Nikolai who had been grieving after Vasily had his father banish Dominik in disgrace and enlist his Dominik’s elder brother in the army, he had run toward Matthew’s place unannounced in the middle of the night because he felt helpless and didn’t know where else to go.

Please forgive my intrusion. 

Not at all. Please stay if you like, Your Highness. 

He had become a sort of odd father figure in that moment when he had seen Nikolai’s grief and hugged him in welcome and comfort. He had stayed over at the best guest room with a hot and hearty meal and warm clothes provided. In the morning, Nikolai had accepted the offer of taking a walk with Matthew as he let him know everything that had occurred, all the anger and grief and sadness he felt about losing his best friend and against Vasily who had betrayed him. Matthew had truly listened patiently to the young prince vent out his frustration and then struck up a proper conversation full of truth and honesty, comfort and shared experience making Nikolai feel safe and understood and Matthew assured him that he would make certain that Dominik’s family was well taken care of and later on pulled strings to get Dominik’s elder brother reassigned to a place where the fighting was light. After the most enlightening conversation full of shed tears and shared truths of hard burdens and brutalizing loss, Matthew and his wife had hugged Nikolai with such warmth, treating him like their own son and had let Nikolai know that she had made a special meal just for him and if there was ever anything, they would always be there for him. 

Nikolai had been incredibly fond of Matthew and his family from then on and eternally in debt and grateful to Matthew for pulling the strings to keep Dominik and his family safe. He remembered how he had cursed Vasily angrily throughout their conversation and though Matthew shared many pieces of wisdom with him on that day, one stood out particularly and etched itself on Nikolai’s mind because it felt as if Matthew wasn’t talking about just Vasily and Nikolai. 

“A cruel truth to it, isn’t it? Two brothers so close in age, the more one becomes one thing, the more other necessarily becomes the opposite.”

Later that day Matthew had called Nikolai into his study and showed him a picture of him and his brother. Matthew and his elder brother looked so young and handsome, shocking Nikolai at how old and exhausted they had grown up to be in the present. Nikolai examined the family picture of the brothers with their cousins, and recognized Matthew immediately. He was immediately recognizable as the smaller and handsome boy with dark hair, grey eyes and composed and haughty demeanor. A young Matthew stood regally and elegantly next to a older boy who looked very similar to him except he was charmingly handsome with a reckless and careless glint in his eyes, his lips curving into slightly warm smile as he held himself haughtily and coldly. But both of them were just children, just two brothers, frozen in the moment. 

“This is my older brother. I believe he needs no introduction... he’s made a name for himself. Before he was what he is now, he insisted on serving in the infantry. He came back a war hero. I think that’s when my family was truly proud of him.” recalled Matthew quietly and wistfully as he pointed out his brother and then him in the photograph to Nikolai who looked at it curiously.  

“Did he win medals?”

“Oh, Ravka bestowed many of the medals on him. Rewarded him the Medal of Honor, Army Commendation Award and the Distinguished Conduct Honor among many of them.” said Matthew with a small smile that seemed to Nikolai as if he was laughing at Ravka for bestowing medals upon a brave soldier and then banishing him without consideration for what he did for his country “But he threw them all in the fire and watched it burn. None of us came back the same.” 

Nikolai felt shocked at the action of the elder brother but since Matthew was being unusually open, Nikolai let his curiosity get the better of him “What was he like?”

“He laughed. A lot. He wanted to sail ships and work with horses. Always the charming and rebellious one of the family.” replied Matthew with a genuine and fond smile curving on his lips, a smile that displayed brotherly love and childish affection, a smile that Nikolai had never seen before “He was in love with a girl before the war. Her parents were Suli and none of the families approved of the dalliance but he won the girl’s parents over.”

“She died at the age of sixteen. But my brother was there at her bedside for four months every day holding her hand. And after she died, he went away to war.” recounted Matthew, his smile fading slightly as he was lost in memories of long ago while Nikolai listened in amazement and heartbreak “My sweet, kind, charming brother who laughed a lot never came back after that.”

“But you have a distinguished war record as well. You received the Medal of Honor, the Meritorious Service Medal and Distinguished Service Medal among a few to name.” said Nikolai in admiration and respect as he looked at Matthew who had been one of the rare nobles who had given up the safety of a home and position to go serve in the trenches of the war as a medik. “You and your brother are hailed as two war heroes who were the miracle in the most brutal and dangerous of wars in the history of our country.”

“Ah, we were. My father objected when both of us enlisted but we had to enlist. We couldn’t stay in the comfort of a home or a tent when everyone else was going to fight for this country. My brother became a soldier and I became a medik to serve. I figured I’d be saving people, not killing them.” said Matthew quietly and contemplatively and Nikolai swore that Matthew looked as if he was back on the battlefield “I just kept praying to the Saints every damn moment in the chaos of the battle... not for myself... I prayed and begged the Saints to help me save one more person in this godforsaken war and heal them so they can go back to their families.”

Nikolai was silent, feeling absolute respect and admiration for his mentor who had saved many lives as he continued reminiscently “I wasn’t... I was thought of as mad of course, those days. Mediks weren’t as valued as soldiers. They thought I was a coward for not fighting. But my brother understood I was trying to serve in my own way.”

“The commander of my regiment tried to send me home but they... the soldiers I saved... warmed up to me. They stood up for me. They all said they’ll go home if I am sent in disgrace.” said Matthew with a small chuckle but there were tears in his eyes “I understood that you are always going to need all the help you can get and no one is going to help you if they don’t like you.”

Nikolai contemplated on those words silently as he retained the wisdom of that advice that honed the actions of his future and he knew he was stepping the line with this question but he needed to ask him “Your brother and you... did you care for him?”

“I thought the world of him. I thought we were going to fight and change the world side by side.” answered Matthew quietly and wistfully after a long moment with reminiscence in his eyes as he sighed “But in the end, he is who he is and I am who I am. There is no changing that.”

After a month or so, news reached Nikolai that Matthew had disappeared under mysterious and strange circumstances. Though the King sent search parties for him, no sign of him had been found. Matthew had finally been concluded as missing and presumed dead. 

“He’s dead.”

“He - no - he can’t be!”

Nikolai had been in disbelief and denial as he attended the funeral of his mentor feeling grief and emptiness in his heart, hiding tears remembering his quiet and composed demeanor, his light smiles, wise advice and warm hugs. How was he supposed to do all this by himself now without an advisor, without his mentor? The grief only grew worse when he was informed that Matthew had left Nikolai a considerable amount of money in the will with the instructions to live wisely and freely as he chose.

Later, after the war when Zoya had investigated the Darkling’s chambers in the Little Palace, she had come across a few surviving letters that she found interesting and shared them with Nikolai. Nikolai had felt his heart jump to his throat at finding that this was a letter addressed to the Darkling by Matthew, in his elegant and neat handwriting and Nikolai had wasted no time in reading it. 

To the Darkling, 

I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have discovered your true identity as the Black Heretic and your plans to extend the Fold with your secret search for the Sun Summoner and Morozova’s amplifiers. I intend to foil and destroy all chances of your plan to destroy Ravka. I face the possibility of death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will fail in your pursuit for power and die alone and unloved.

Nikolai had not been ashamed to admit that he had burst into tears of grief and pain. His mentor had sacrificed himself, not letting the world know the true story of his sacrifice just to save Ravka. Matthew had never wanted power and glory, he had just wanted to keep Ravka safe and keep Nikolai safe until he was ready to take back what was his. Matthew had been clever and intelligent enough to deduce the Darkling’s secrets and plans from an early stage and try to find a way to stop the Darkling alone without putting anyone else in danger but it was likely that the Darkling killed him off. 

And now an invisible string that had spun his fate had tied him and tugged him to Matthew’s niece, Y/N, who had no family of her own all alone in the world. Nikolai felt awestruck and amazed at the frightening enormity of how destiny seemed to have a larger plan for all of them, how his mentor had been your late uncle and now how he met you who he was immensely in love with. 

“You are Y/N Y/RLN (Real last name)” pronounced Nikolai in soft tenderness and amazed awe as he looked at you with widened eyes of astonishment. 

You let out an audible gasp of incredible relief and happy gratitude because it had been so long since someone called you by your real name, the name you knew from birth to be your own, the name that had taken you in as their own with such love, the name you had cut ties with when you had arrived in Ketterdam and the name you sometimes forgot when hard days dragged on in its cold loneliness and hurt as tears sprung into your eyes and you nodded. 

“I don’t think I’ve heard that name for a long time.” you breathed in wonder and relief as you stared at Nikolai with such tenderness and affection because your heart had skipped a beat at the way he had pronounced your name as if it was precious and beautiful and then you looked at him quietly through the tears “So what are you going to do now?”

Nikolai was taken aback by your question “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“I am Y/N Y/RLN, daughter of one of the most feared gangsters in the history of Ketterdam. I am very valuable. There are so many people who will give anything to get their hands on me to enact their revenge.” you said quietly with an air of pride and hidden vulnerability. “I have told you my secret I’ve never told anyone else... not even Kaz Brekker. Secrets often have a price in Ketterdam.”

Nikolai realized that though you were proud of who you were, you were now naturally scared of what would happen to you because you had confided your greatest secret in him and he saw that all your life you had been running and hiding and he hugged you tightly “Y/N, my darling, I will take your secret with me to my grave. Trust me, I will never hurt you. I like you just the way you are and I will protect you from anyone who dares to harm you.”

You buried your head on his shoulder as you felt warm and safe, your cheeks flushing with heat at his soft and honest words surprised because you had never felt this way as his intoxicating perfume comforted you and you murmured “I don’t feel so scared anymore.”

Nikolai held you tightly in his embrace, his heart wrenching at those words slipping out of your mouth because though you hid it very well behind your expressive smile and guarded and composed demeanor, you were still a vulnerable and scared child who had been abandoned from birth marked by grief and loss “You never have to be scared, my love. We’re in this together.”

You blushed at the sweet endearment Nikolai whispered in your ear and smiled gratefully as you broke the hug feeling warmth and happiness spread through you, your cheeks tingling in red hues as you twisted your fingers nervously and concentrated on finishing the final touches of the sketch. When you finished the sketch, you looked at it with pride, as emotions of wistfulness, love, grief, reminiscence and adoration swelled within you. You smiled softly and fondly at the drawing and then felt Nikolai gaze at you quizzically as you felt your heart skip a beat and then you looked back at your drawing quietly. It was something purely personal and private but you took a leap of faith to share this with Nikolai because in your heart you wanted to as you slowly and nervously showed him what you had been sketching. 

Nikolai was pleasantly surprised as he took the sketchbook gently and delicately in his hands to see an incredibly talented and detailed drawing of a stoic and composed man with hard edges and sharp cheekbones who was elegantly and impeccably dressed in a suit smiling in warm and relaxed amusement as he held a cigarette in his hands, his icy cold blue eyes gleaming with mischievous delight and sly laughter that he held back as he looked fondly and lovingly and listened attentively to the little girl sitting on his lap talking to him with a solemn expression, an equally mischievous smile playing on her lips as she held his hand in hers. 

Nikolai realized you had just shown him your father as you remembered him and he felt a lump of emotion rise in his throat at the fact that you trusted him so much with such a precious part of your life you kept hidden away from the rest of the world. It was a simple sketch but the love you had poured into the drawing showed the feared gangster who was thought of a monster as a relaxed, warm and kind father who had a softer and sweeter side to him that he hid from the rest of the world. He didn’t seem like a ruthless cutthroat gangster. He was simply a man.

Nikolai felt awed and amazed by it, he could feel the warmth and affection of it exude as he suddenly felt a craving to be in that sketch and wondered what on earth you were saying to your father, a feared gangster to make him smile in such amusement. 

“That’s my father. I’d love it when he’d laugh. He had the nicest laugh in the world. Warm and steady. He’d always be amused whenever I was around... he had that little proud and amused smile he’d always wear whenever I did or said something.” you said with a reminiscent and fond smile as you remembered how your father’s laugh was such a joy in your life. 

“That’s my little girl, ey? You are such fun when you say such odd things.”

“What’s an unforgettable memory you have of him?” asked Nikolai in curiosity as he looked at you, suddenly realizing that this was so sweetly intimate because you were letting your guard down around him and letting him know the little things that you hid from rest of the world. 

“I have so many lovely memories of him that it’s impossible to choose. It’s lovely isn’t it? That my father gave me the nicest and loveliest memories to remember him by? But if I had to choose, it would be this one.” you said quietly and reminiscently with a lovely twinkle in your eyes as you spoke thoughtfully after a long moment as Nikolai shifted toward you listening raptly to you.

“My father was out on business to Ketterdam when my school teacher caned me and beat me up more than once for no reason. Perhaps he enjoyed it.” you said softly and honestly with a brave smile as you extended your hand, showing your palm to Nikolai whose eyes widened remembering the times Dominik was hurt by his teacher to punish him. “I feared his temper and hated going to school because I was so afraid.”

He felt hot rod of outrageous anger surge through him as he held your palm that had the scar of the unjust punishment you were given and you shivered when his thumb traced your scar gently “My mother didn’t care when I told her and my brother was the only one who cared. One day, I saw that my father had arrived home earlier than he was supposed to with his friends. He saw what happened to my hand and he went wild with anger. I’ve never seen him so unhinged, out of control. His eyes were glinting with murder but he I was scared and crying.”

“He calmed me down and comforted me, kissed my little wounded hand and bandaged it, made silly jokes, told me stories and put me to sleep. The next day, he woke me up at five and told me to get dressed in my best dress. My father drove me to the school where he had ordered a meeting with all the teachers of the school early in the morning.” you said remembering the tense atmosphere in the carriage where your father had held your little hand in his gently as he smoked his cigarette and contemplated on his thoughts solemnly. “They told me to stay in the carriage but after they left, I followed them and listened outside the door.”

“Ever the spy even when you were a little girl?” teased Nikolai with a mischievous glint in his eyes at the thought of you disobeying your dangerous father’s orders and doing things your own way but his smile faded slightly when he remembered what had happened to you. “What happened?”

“In the meeting, my father withdrew me from school and withdrew funding from the school. He was so calm, so quiet and yet I could feel his anger as he defied them by smoking in the room and threatened them. He didn’t beat them or hurt them but he was absolutely terrifying.” you said with awe and amazement as you remembered every word that your father had uttered in that meeting exuding the promise of death to anyone who so much as dared to breath near you “When he withdrew funding, the principal was furious. He yelled at my father for withdrawing funding and mentioned his crimes and I remember my father just slamming him to the wall and saying ‘I’m not a criminal. I’m a father. And I will break heaven and earth to protect my daughter. Any of you come near her again, in fact if you so much as try to do anything to hurt her and make her unhappy, I will find you and cut you to pieces.’”

Nikolai was equally stunned and impressed at your father’s overwhelming love for you that showed how far he was willing to go to protect you and suddenly wished that his father could have been half the man your father had been as he felt a lump of emotion swell in his throat as you continued “And then he took me out to the village where we spent the day out and we both had a really nice day together. And when he tucked me to bed and told me that I don’t have to go to school anymore, that I’ll be learning at home with governesses and if they gave me any trouble, I should tell him at once... when he told me that, I just felt warm and fuzzy... I felt I wasn’t alone. That no matter how hard life got, he’d always be there for me.”

“Not true, of course. I was wrong. He wouldn’t always be there for me. He was murdered a long time ago and now he’s not there for me anymore.” you said softly and sincerely with a saddened and pained expression and Nikolai felt his heart clench in pain as he squeezed your hand gently “But he was there for me throughout his life and that’s what counts, I guess.”

“Your father may have been a cold - hearted criminal but he was a good father. A kind father. I don’t think many people can say that about themselves.” said Nikolai honestly with a sincere smile as he squeezed your hand gently “And he raised a fantastic daughter. I’d think he’d be very proud of you.”

You smiled through your teary eyes as you looked at the portrait of your genuinely smiling father, his eyes warm and so alive in that moment and looked at Nikolai gratefully as you both stayed in silence and Nikolai asked a question that broke the moment “You said your father was murdered. There are stories that - well, he burned to death along with his closest order members that night.”

Nikolai observed you grow stiff and tense as your face drew into a cold and harsh expression “Yes. I was there that night. It was his birthday... one moment, there my father was smiling while everyone sang happy birthday and suddenly the whole house was on fire, an army of thugs surrounding it and turning the whole place upside down thirsty for blood. My uncles and aunts... they stayed back to fight and distract the thugs while my father ushered us into one of the secret tunnels that led out to safety.”

“I remember him carrying me very tightly, angry people yelling furiously trying to get through the barricaded doors and when he pushed me into the tunnel... he promised he’d come and find me as soon as he could and closed the entrance to the tunnel. That was the last I saw of him. Everything burned down as we ran away. Today is the day I lost my family. I lost my normal life.” you replied quietly as you rubbed your forehead in exhaustion and pain blinking back tears that came with the memories that you had thought of today “And the craziest thing is, I keep thinking that my father’s not really dead. He promised he’d come to find me. He always kept his promises. And he was the man who could always do the impossible, always one step ahead. If anyone could survive that fire, it was him.”

You buried your face in your hands because you were fairly certain you were mad with grief of loss and abandonment as tears slipped down your cheeks and then you wiped them away hastily and steadied yourself “But I know it’s not going to happen. So I made a promise to my dad... to all of them... that I’ll hunt whoever is responsible and when I find them, I will kill them.”

Nikolai knew from the dark gleam in your eyes that you had already found who was responsible for your father’s death and you were just biding time waiting for the opportune moment as he hesitated “Who is it who killed them?”

“Pekka Rollins.” you spat vengefully after a long moment of silence that seemed to stretch for eternity “He killed my father and snatched all of his properties and members to the Dime Lions. Kaz Brekker had his revenge on him and soon it will be my turn.”

“Then let’s destroy him until he begs for mercy from you.” asked Nikolai quietly in steely determination as he looked at you with fire of devotion burning in his eyes. 

You were taken aback with surprise and shock as you felt speechless and tongue tied and you finally found your tongue as you replied “You’re going to help me?”

“Of course, love. I’m not going to let you go into this all alone.” replied Nikolai easily and charmingly as he winked at you making you blush “And if you do get in serious trouble, you will have diplomatic immunity on the table because you’ll be happily married to me.”

“You’re a prat!” you laughed, blushing a pretty pink as you tried to hide your shyness by taking a book that he had been reading and slapping him with it while he yelled in pain. 

“OWWW! STOP HURTING ME, WOMAN!”

“KICK HIS ASS, Y/N!”

“GET HIM, GIRL!”

“ARE YOU EVEN MY FRIENDS?”

You collapsed into hearty laughter as you spared him mercy as he rubbed his shoulder with dramatic painful groans as he complained but he was smiling widely at you. You looked at the book Nikolai had been reading recently and opened it while Nikolai was busy retorting sassily at Genya, Nina and Zoya. 

You smirked widely when you read the rather interesting paragraphs in the book and when Nikolai turned toward you, his eyes widened in nervous shock and dismay as he lunged for the book but you dodged him and began reading the text with a wide and teasing smirk “Anthony felt every fiber of his being consumed by the desire as he pushed her down to the bed and kissed her flawless alabaster skin with desperate passion, his lips traveling down her neck as he cupped her breast - “

“Alright, give it back!” yelled Nikolai who had gone red in embarrassment but you laughed in amusement as you danced out of his way, reading the filthiest parts you could find.

“My goodness, Your Majesty. Who knew that under that perfect prince disguise was a filthy man with naughty thoughts?” you teased as you stood on top of the arm of the sofa avoiding Nikolai who was scrambling to get to you desperately. 

“It’s a love story! They are in love!” exclaimed Nikolai who was blushing in absolute embarrassment because now this had destroyed all chances of you seeing him as a prospective choice in your love life. In fact, this was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to him in his life!

“My goodness, you dirty naughty boy, look at what you’ve been reading! Is this what you have been reading with a straight face?” you laughed in amusement as you wiggled your eyebrows teasingly and playfully at Nikolai making him stutter and blush. “I must say, your reading taste is very... filthy.”

“That’s enough, now give it back!” said Nikolai who lunged at you but you dodged him as you jumped on his back making him yell out loudly as you kept the book away from him and whispered teasingly and sensually into his ear silencing all protests “Was this how it felt to burn for someone you truly loved? To have them and hold them as your own and know that come what may their mind, body, soul and heart was only yours. Katherine let out a loud moan when her lover slammed his -”

“Alright, thank you very much!” said Nikolai who had practically frozen when you had started reading the filthy parts of the novel in a suggestive and sensual voice that had aroused something in him and he grabbed the novel from you as he heard you laugh teasingly and merrily into his ear. “Stop laughing, Y/N!”

“You can’t make me.” you replied boldly and daringly as you slid down from his back with an easygoing and laidback grin. 

“Is that a challenge?” replied Nikolai equally cockily and confidently as he turned around and looked at you in a way one would measure his opponent and you felt shivers of pleasure run through you and jolt when he stepped toward you. 

You held your breath as Nikolai stared at you longingly and intensely with such yearning that it took your breath away. He took another step to you as his face lingered close to yours that you could see the golden light flickering in his hazel eyes. You could feel his breath fanning your skin as his eyes flickered from your own eyes to your lips. His lips were hovering inches away from yours full of yearning and longing and you suddenly felt a semblance of a fire stoked within you. You knew you should step away but rationality and logic was slipping away from you each moment you were with him. You loved Kaz... you loved... you were trying to remember but it was getting unbearable when Nikolai was so close yet so far away. 

The door opened abruptly and Nikolai and you jumped apart, your hearts beating very loudly as you felt your cheeks redden as you suddenly remembered where you were and what had happened. What was wrong with you? What had happened to you? Why had you let yourself indulge in a moment of weakness with Nikolai? He was attractive and handsome but he was your friend! You couldn’t afford to lose a wreck of another friendship! You knew this couldn’t be!

You poured yourself a strong glass of brandy to compose yourself, not wanting to look at Nikolai because you simply didn’t want to see him.

The messenger had arrived and was greeted unhappily by Genya who had groaned, Nina who poured herself another glass of brandy and Zoya who threw a cushion at the poor man as she yelled “REALLY? NOW? IS NOW THE TIME FOR YOU TO BLOODY ARRIVE? GET THE TIMING RIGHT, YOU IDIOT! I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY MONEY AND YOU HAD TO RUIN IT!”

You drank your glass of brandy in one go paying no attention to the messenger who delivered letters to everyone in the room and you poured yourself another glass of brandy when the messenger addressed you “Miss Y/N Y/LN?”

You smiled at him “Yes, that’s me.”

“This is for you.” he said with a nod as he handed over a few letters and you thanked him kindly. 

You settled down in a sofa far away from Nikolai with your glass of brandy as you went through your usual letters that your friends from Ketterdam sent you. As you took a sip of your brandy, you nearly choked on it when you saw Kaz’ precise handwriting on the envelope addressed to you. This was Kaz’ first letter to you since you had left Ketterdam after your fallout with him. You felt unusually nervous and terrified, amazed and happy at the fact that Kaz had taken time out of his busy day to write to you. You didn’t know what the contents of the letter were but for the first time, you felt hope soar that this was the beginning of a reconciliation and a new beginning. Perhaps the very stubborn Kaz had somehow written a curt apology and that’s all you needed for now. You held the envelope in your hands for a long time because you wanted to hold onto the lovely dreams and fantasies of what might be in that letter and then you decided to get on with it as you opened the envelope and read the letter. 

As you finished reading the letter, you felt a sense of disbelief take over your body and you read it over and over again because you didn’t want this to be the reality. Then something very dark and dangerous in you ignited, something that had been hurt and wounded for a long time began growling in anger as fury and rage boiled in you and crashed over you in overwhelming tidal waves until it was all you could feel and taste and breathe. 

You felt the rage and fury burn through you as you stood up and threw your glass of brandy into the wall as it shattered into pieces alarming and shocking everyone who nearly jumped out of their seats and looked at you in concern and surprise but you didn’t care as your crumpled up the letter, breathing heavily and marched out of the room not seeing Nikolai look at you in genuine sincerity and concern. 

“What happened?” asked Nikolai in concern as he jumped out of his seat and strode toward where you had been sitting. 

“I think this might have been the cause.” said Nina as she picked up the letter that they all read. 

To Y/N, 

I hope you are in good health. 

I know you are on vacation but your duty to the Dregs calls Nina and you now immediately. You are needed for an urgent and important mission in Ketterdam. Your specific skillset is urgently needed for this job. The details are confidential and you will be briefed on it once you are here. You will get your cut once the job is over. Nina and you are to be in Ketterdam within a week. 

I know you would rather be lazing in Ravka but I am your employer. If you wish to not continue with this job and life, you can send me your resignation and your position within the Crows and Dregs will be terminated. 

Thank you, 

Kaz Brekker. 

“Alright, that’s it! I am going to Ketterdam to choke the air out of that canal rat’s lungs!” exclaimed Zoya coldly with fury and anger burning in her beautiful eyes. 

“I’m going to find Y/N.” mumbled Nikolai feeling absolutely outraged and furious at how Kaz Brekker treated you like you were some investment when you were more than that. 

He was going to kill Kaz Brekker with his bare hands the next time he saw him.

After searching the palace, Nikolai stepped into the library where you sought solace and comfort most of the time and heard sniffling and small crying sounds. His heart broke into a tiny million pieces at your pain as he closed the library door softly and took a few steps to find you when from behind a book shelf your voice echoed “OI, go away Nikolai! I don’t want to see you.”

Nikolai halted in surprise and amazement because he had not spotted you yet but you had recognized him as he called out “How do you know it’s me?”

“I know the sound of your footsteps.” you replied knowingly as you rubbed the tears that threatened to leak from your eyes at your heart clenching in hurt and misery because it was always Nikolai who cared about you so much and checked up on you to see if you were fine whereas Kaz broke your heart every chance you gave him. 

Nikolai smiled in amazement and astonishment because he was touched and surprised that you knew him so well and paid so much attention to the smallest of things about him as he called out kindly “Alright, now come out. You’ve been there ages.”

You snapped in exhaustion and pain because you just wanted to be alone “Just leave me alone!”

Nikolai followed the sound of your voice as he sat opposite of the shelf where you were sitting, his back facing yours as he let you be alone but he leaned his head back to the shelf as he said gently and sincerely after a long moment of silence as he listened to your quiet crying “Just try not to let him get to you.”

You laughed sarcastically as tears rolled down your cheeks as you snapped in frustration “Oh thanks for that. That’s brilliant advice. Really is! Absolutely brilliantly stupid!”

Nikolai sighed biting his tongue in frustration because he knew that today was a very emotional day for you full of reminders of the life you could have had and the life you had lost with your family and Kaz Brekker had just stoked your grief further as he stayed quiet for a few moments and then took a bold choice “I think your dad would be absolutely heartbroken to see you being hurt by Kaz Brekker over and over again when all he does is never see you for who you are... a wonderful, powerful, kind and strong woman. He’d protect you from him and tell you that Kaz isn’t the one for you.”

You felt acidic bitterness overwhelm your mouth as you spat out “What do you know of my father?”

“I know that he is the man who threatened your school teachers because they hurt you. Because they inflicted pain on you and made you cry. So I know that no matter what, he would want you to always be happy and loved.” said Nikolai honestly and sincerely with no qualms about speaking his mind to you as you listened in awestruck and shocked silence at how Nikolai spoke to your very soul. 

You were quiet because you hated that Nikolai was right. But you had believed that Kaz would be better. You had believed that deep down Kaz Brekker truly loved you and hid it in fear of consequences. You believed that in time Kaz Brekker would come to understand his feelings for you and reciprocate the same intense and deep love you felt for him. You sobbed quietly, your hand covering your mouth at how stupid and naïve you had been. You had dreamed of a happy ending with the boy you loved so much but that boy never dreamed of you. Kaz Brekker never thought of you and dreamt of you, he never cared for you and today’s letter was proof that you were merely just an investment to him. You felt angry at yourself for loving him so much despite every desperate attempt to try to forget him and stop loving him. But even though you were miles away from Ketterdam, Kaz Brekker was still the one you loved despite your efforts to break free from him. It hurt you that you were so weak as to be tied in love with a bastard who didn’t even spare a thought for you and you wondered whether you’d ever get out of the darkness of this abyss. This feeling of addiction to an intoxicating drug that you knew was bad yet you couldn’t let go of yet. This feeling of breathing fresh air for a moment before being pulled down to the darkness of the freezing stormy water by the very man she loved. You were trying to leave him but it was just so hard. 

You felt so insignificant, completely useless and utterly humiliated by the very person you loved so deeply and who you thought cared for you more than an investment. 

But you were so wrong. 

As you muffled your quiet sobs, you felt Nikolai’s quiet and gentle presence on the other side of the bookshelf, keeping you company. You didn’t understand why he was doing this for you. Perhaps he saw a damsel in distress to rescue. Perhaps he pitied you. Perhaps he was just here providing you comfort and friendship because he was just that kind of good, kind - hearted and nice person. 

You heard rustling of paper and saw that a paper bird that had flown to your side of the shelf. You knew it was Nikolai as you sniffled and delicately opened the paper to see his lovely handwriting “So aside from taking my breath away, what do you do for a living?”

You couldn’t help but smile widely amidst your tears when another paper note in the shape of a butterfly slipped toward you and you picked it up as you read “I was wondering if you are here... who is running Heaven?”

You didn’t like pickup lines but you couldn’t help grinning like a fool as your tears began to dry and you shook your head in amusement and exasperation when another note folded in the shape of a pineapple was sent to you and you read it in anticipation “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine - apple.”

You couldn’t help it, an amused giggle escaped your lips at this terrible pickup line and Nikolai who heard it grinned in happiness and encouragement as he scribbled his next pickup line and folded it neatly in a shape of a flower as he slipped it toward you. 

You opened it with curiosity as your eyes skimmed over “I’d say Saints Bless You but it looks like they already did.”

You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh out loudly like a child and Nikolai grinned in pleasure and happiness at listening to your beautiful and wonderful laugh, glad he had cheered you up but he was adamant to work until the very end to see you happy as he wrote another note in the shape of an elephant that you read “I thought this was a library but this must be a museum because you are a masterpiece!” 

“Stop it! You are absolutely ridiculous!” you laughed in amusement and exasperation as you shook your head flustered as your cheeks flared with warmth while Nikolai grinned widely as he sent you another note shaped as a heart. 

“You must be hell of a thief because you managed to steal my heart from the moment I saw you.”

“If I stole your heart, you wouldn’t be breathing and alive, you absolute moron.” you retorted with an amused laugh, as your eyes twinkled in delight and happiness but your heart fluttered and skipped a few beats as you read those words over and over again. “And where on earth are you getting all these parchment from?”

You heard Nikolai laugh in amusement and delight as he scribbled something and you saw a note shaped like a swan that you unfolded as it read “There must be something wrong with my eyes... I can’t seem to take them off you.”

You blushed as you spluttered going red in the face as your heart fluttered with amazement and wonder at those words as you exclaimed “Are you drunk?”

Nikolai’s lips grew into a teasing and playful smile as he slipped another note in a shape of a flower that you unfolded “I’m not drunk. I’m utterly intoxicated by you.”

“You smooth motherfu -” you began in astonishment and exasperation as your lips tugged into an involuntary smile as you shook your head fondly “How many pickup lines do you even have?”

“Enough to make you smile for eternity.” replied Nikolai with a bright and gentle smile of his own, certainty and sincerity ringing through his voice. 

You smiled brightly, your heart lighter and happier than it had been as you crawled to Nikolai’s side of the shelf and sat next to him, the precious notes tucked safely in your pocket.  

You smiled softly and sweetly at Nikolai as you felt warmth and gratitude blossom in your heart for him as your breath caught in your throat “Thank you. You know, for making my life slightly less miserable.”

Nikolai smiled at you so sweetly and lovingly that you genuinely felt your heart stop beating as he whispered “To see you happy, I’d do anything.”

You smiled at Nikolai, your heart full of astonishment and wonder at how a person could be full of light and love and give it so unconditionally. You felt a hurt pang in your heart as you realized that you had such a deep bond with Kaz but it was all lies and broken promises used to stab at your deepest wounds and all the secret smiles you had shared with him had become cruel smirks and muffled sobs of pain. You suddenly felt the weight of fresh pain and heartbreak suffocating you as you remembered Kaz Brekker, the boy who had stood by you through thick and thin that now was the reason for you drowning in sorrow and heartache as he watched heartlessly and cruelly. 

Nikolai knew by your expression that you were thinking of Kaz as he whispered softly “Are you alright?”

“For so long, I hoped that Kaz would see me the way I see him and love me back. But I was foolish and misguided to let a thief and con artist trick me into believing that I could be loved. To hope that one day, things would be different.” you replied feeling disappointment and pain burn you fiercely and furiously as you realized how stupid and foolish you had been. 

“You know, someone who really wants you and cares about you, someone real... would never turn their back on a chance to get to know you.” said Nikolai softly and sincerely, his voice cracking slightly in heartbreak and pain seeing the darkness and self - loathing in your beautiful eyes as he placed his hand on your shoulder gently. 

“I don’t have anyone real in my life, Nikolai. I never will.” you replied bitterly and honestly as you felt the sharp arrows of pain and agony pierce you deeply as your eyes clouded with cold understanding and firm decisiveness “I fell in love once... I will never make that mistake again.”

Nikolai felt his heart shatter into pieces at your cold and cutting words that entirely broke his world. He had thought that in time you’d forget Kaz Brekker and hope for a new beginning in love but it seemed that Kaz Brekker had hardened and closed your soft and open heart for loving him. Nikolai felt utterly shocked and hurt as he looked into your eyes and saw that unwavering and firm decisiveness that meant every word you had said and realized that you would not change your mind about love ever again. You would not fall in love again and even if you did... you would never admit it. Nikolai wanted to murder Kaz Brekker for damaging you and making you believe that you deserved to be alone for the rest of your life. 

And though Nikolai knew that grief was hardening you and molding you into a girl who had no hope, Nikolai still offered you hope and sincerity as he blinked back his tears and placed a soft kiss on your cheek “It doesn’t mean you are alone. I’ll always be here for you, Y/N... I’ll always be whatever you need me to be.”

You felt warmth spread on your cheeks as the spot on your cheek tingled at the brief touch of Nikolai’s lips that lit a spark in your joyless heart as you looked at him in awe and affection “It doesn’t matter what I need you to be. You should always be unapologetically yourself... you... you are someone who should always be truly happy.”

Nikolai felt shy at how you were looking at him with such intense admiration and fond adoration as you smiled softly and sincerely at him, making a swarm of butterflies flutter within him as he felt himself lose his breath at how divine you were when you raised your eyebrows at him inquisitively “Were you going to ask me something?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Well... you furrowed your eyebrows a great deal this evening when conversing with me. You do that when you are thinking of something important to you and you want to say it but you are uncertain or afraid of the outcome.” you pointed out honestly and truthfully as you raised your eyebrows knowingly because you had observed the wonderful, amusing, quirky little mannerisms of the boy king who you had a soft spot in your heart for.

Nikolai was stunned at your astute and sharp observation and even more shocked that you had cared enough to observe and remember a little quirk and mannerism of his own that he didn’t realize himself as he replied shakily “I do?”

“Yes, you do. At first, when I first saw this, I thought of getting you a Healer because I was concerned that you were having a stroke.” you replied teasingly and playfully with an expression of amusement etched across your face. 

Nikolai scowled at you but his lips curved into an amused smile when you burst into delighted laughter and he shook his head at you in exasperation and affection and you looked at him curiously “So what’s on your mind, Nikolai?”

Nikolai had been thinking of asking you out but now he wasn’t so certain. Would you say yes? This was a bad idea. There were so many ways this could go wrong. You could slap him. You could leave Ravka. You could laugh at him and call him crazy. You could reject him and make him feel like an absolute fool for thinking that he stood a chance with you. 

To all the Saints and their mothers, he didn’t stand a chance with you! He knew that! And you weren’t interested in him, despite the strong bond that were developing between you two. You were simply unattainable. 

Anything worth doing starts as a bad idea.

“I - well, I know you are busy and you have so many important things to - but, I was thinking whether - like - I wanted to know if you would - um - what I mean to say -” began Nikolai stuttering nervously as the tips of his ears flushed red and the heat crept up his neck with shyness and embarrassment at how he was making such a simple task, a spectacular disaster and wished someone would kill him now and put him out of his misery. 

You raised your eyebrows in slight amusement and concern as you queried “Are you having a stroke?”

“More like a heart attack because of you, you oblivious beautiful wonderful girl!” thought Nikolai who was having a cardiac arrest, his heart beating at speed that was completely inhumane and he could feel himself sweating nervously and his head spin in dizzy admiration, hope and fear at the thought of asking you out. 

“WouldyouliketospendadaywithmeinRavkajustthetwoofus?” asked Nikolai immediately in one breath, his words sounding like messed up gibberish that could hardly be interpreted and understood. 

You raised your eyebrows quizzically trying to figure out what the hell had just come out of Nikolai’s mouth because it sounded like a very complicated made up word or a language that had just been invented as you replied firmly “That’s it. I’m worried about you. I’m going to get -”

“NO! I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPANY ME AND SPEND A DAY WITH ME IN THE TOWN, JUST THE TWO OF US?” yelled Nikolai in a frenzied panic and fright as the words slipped out of his mouth before he could control himself because he wanted to seize this chance before it slipped away and you left him in a week. 

Nikolai suddenly realized that he had just yelled at you to accompany him and felt absolutely embarrassed and horrified at what he had just done as his eyes grew wide and he felt humiliated beyond belief wanting the floor to open up and just erase him out of existence.

His humiliation and embarrassment only grew when you laughed in amusement as he lowered his eyes in shame because your rejection hurt him deeply and bitterly when he heard you chuckle in amusement “Oh Saints! That’s what you were worried about this whole time? You could have just asked me, you know.”

Nikolai felt his world screech to a halt at her mind blowing response as he questioned his reality and met your kind eyes that twinkled with mischief as he rasped out hopefully “So... you’re not saying no?”

“You really are a complete idiot, Nikolai.” you replied honestly and truthfully as you rolled your eyes at him and placed your hand on his shoulder with a wide grin “Why would I say no? You’re my friend. It would be lovely to spend time with you.”

Nikolai’s overwhelming happiness was slightly spoiled by the pang of hurt and disappointment he felt when you called him just a friend. But Nikolai knew you were still healing from the bitter heartbreak you had suffered at the hands of Kaz and you needed time. Nikolai was fine with being your friend. He wanted to be more than that in his heart but he knew that it was too much of him to hope for you to love him back now. All he could do was get to know you, enjoy your company, cherish your friendship and try not to fall more in love with you.

How hard could it be?

But right now, it was very hard because you were absolutely stunning as he felt his heart shattering into pieces at the unintentional and unknown rejection from your side as he replied with a bright smile, trying to hide how sad he felt “Yeah. Friends. That’s right we are friends. Who aren’t definitely going on a date.”

“Yeah. After everything that’s happened with Kaz, and all the people I know who were friends but started dating and then broke up... it becomes messy.” you replied honestly finding it very easy to confide how you felt to Nikolai who had become your close friend “I have a rule now. I don’t date anyone I’m friends with.

Nikolai’s heart dropped in disappointment and ached with absolute pain and rejection as he realized that he was never going to have a chance with you as he struggled to find the words through the feeling of disbelief that he hid with a bright smile as he joked “Yeah, yeah, um - that’s funny because I have the same rule. No more friends. I’m completely into dating my enemies.”

“Yeah. And if you break up with them, you can always get your revenge on them and kill them.” you replied with an amused laugh but you felt that you had said something wrong because Nikolai’s smile wasn’t reaching his bright hazel eyes. 

Nikolai managed to laugh through the pain he felt as he retorted with a grin “Very violent but I agree. Nice and easy.”

The silence engulfed them and it felt awkward and tense between the both of you. The silence between you and Nikolai had never felt uncomfortable before and you racked your brain trying to think of what you might have said to make Nikolai upset. You shifted from one foot to another and Nikolai fiddled with his sleeve nervously refusing to meet your eyes and you felt absolutely hurt wondering how you could make the silence easy and companionable like it always was between the both of you. You felt uneasy at how Nikolai hid how upset he felt and wanted to see him genuinely smile. 

The words burst out of your mouth before you could stop yourself because you could not bear to see Nikolai upset “Hey, are you a vegetable?”

Nikolai looked at you in absolute confusion “What?”

“Because if you were a vegetable, you’d totally be a cute - cumber.” you answered easily with a wide and playful grin hoping that Nikolai would cheer up. 

Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he processed what you had just said and pink dust scattered over his cheeks as he felt shy and laughed in amusement and understanding as he felt his his heart flip with adoration for you as he highfived you “Oh that’s good! You got back at me with the pick up lines! I didn’t know you had them up your sleeve.”

You laughed in joy as you smiled fondly at Nikolai as you realized that one day, he was going to love someone heart and soul and something within you ached bitterly at that thought feeling possessive of Nikolai as you smiled at how he talked enthusiastically, his eyes gleaming with bright light that only belonged to a million stars that burned in a far away galaxy.  

You wanted to sink into the darkness of your bitter disappointment and painful self - loathing but Nikolai Lantsov was the beautiful sun, the burning fireplace, the warmth that gave you hope and lifted your spirits up even in the darkest of times. 

You were losing faith in love but Nikolai Lantsov made you believe deep down that you still deserved to dream and love again.

And as you gazed at Nikolai’s kind and handsome face, it struck you that though you had lost your family and innocence, had blood on your hands that could never be washed off and had your heart broken and bruised, you had found a safe place that you could call a home with Nikolai Lantsov. 

And as Nikolai’s bright hazel eyes met your own and your hand slipped gently into his, you both realized that you both had been fighting memories all on your own and standing in the rain alone for too long as you clung onto your bruised hearts and broken homes but now after a long time, both of you had found someone who gave them hope and someone who they would stay for and love the most.

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[steddieas-shegoes]

the sidekick to her own hero

it's that time again: weekly fic rec! once a week, i rec my top 3 (to me) fics by some of my favorite authors. always check out their full works/masterlist because what may be top 3 to me could be different for you! as always, read tags before indulging and please always reblog if you enjoyed something to support them!

this week is @sidekick-hero! sandy's writing is beautiful and i am constantly in awe of her ability to tell such a variety of stories with these characters. all of these are rated e so 18+/minors dni you know the drill. it's not on the list, but make sure to check out her bang fic with jen, too!

sandy's tumblr | sandy's ao3

i wore his jacket for the longest time   Rated E | 58,311 words This is technically a part two to what should have been a one shot with an open ending for interpretation, but we can all say thank you to @legitcookie for saying "no fix that right now" 😂 (you still need to read part 1 first btw). Favorite part: I'm gonna be honest, the whole thing is so good. But I think what drew me into this so well is that the first chapter is Hopper and Joyce just being the best support for Steve, showing him that he is human and makes mistakes and has the power to correct them. Nothing gets me like Steve having the parent figures he deserves.

Will you cleanse me with pleasure? Rated E | 8,462 words A birthday gift for @steves-strapcollection turns into a birthday gift for all of us! It's monsterfucking time. It's secret monster Eddie with super sweet Steve and they're so in love and fuck about it. Favorite line: "Good. They're mine ."

we tangle endlessly like lovers entwined  Rated E | 3,408 words Listen, the way we have all collectively fixated on Steve being a handholder during sex will never cease to thrill me. This hits almost everything I could need in a fic and it's just a short one shot. This is what I mean when I say Sandy is magic. Favorite part: Butterflies take flight in Eddie's stomach, filling his insides and chasing away his dark thoughts. He feels like he could float away if it were not for Steve's body anchoring him. Steve's hazel eyes look down at him, soft despite the hunger simmering in them, and he leans down to capture Eddie's lips in a surprisingly tender kiss.

[wisteria-blooms]

Hey! I just finished long hair and tattoos and it's be a lie if i say it wasn't one of the best fics I've ever read! I'm in love with the fic, the slow burn, the sibling banter with Draco (for first time ever Malfoy family was tolerable) the chemistry with twins and everything else!! Also I'm so bummed because I was expecting some steamy smut (not too late to add an smutty chapter don't you think?) But as I said I love it soooooo much and thank you for this amazing fic!! ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed the family dynamics/banter. I love the idea of an uppity family having to deal with their daughter's upsetting choice of.... boyfriend. And having the twins as your supportive but devious best friends is the dream.

So, speaking of smut... I wrote the series before I got around to reading more and realized all/most romance books have an obligatory smut scene. I recently wrote strawberry wonderland (ii) from Bill's perspective. I think it was a horny outlet for me. But I think I can wedge something else in... so stay tuned.

I have two possible Bill Weasley smut fics in the works. I'm happy to share some excerpts but it's all unfinished, unedited drafts... so be warned. MINORS DNI.

The first one is called empty bars:

“Our department’s budget is going up.” You changed the topic, not wanting to know what anyone was saying about you. “You remember that Perce and I work together, right? As soon as we got wind of the good news, we went out for a glass of wine.”

Bill raised his eyebrows. “You got Percy out for wine?”

You did a little shimmy of victory. For once, there was a genuine smile on your face. “I know what makes him tick, I guess.”

When the bartender came back, noticing your drained glasses, Bill called for another round.“You’re quick,” he remarked. “I didn’t know someone like you could handle so much liquor.”

“You’ll have to try me,” you said with a smile. “I’m in the mood nowadays, I guess.”

Bill leaned back and took another sip. You watched his lips tight around the glass, and you wistfully wished they were around something else. Something more receptive.

“How ironic that Percy is the only one with any taste?” he laughed blithely, his tone suddenly sharp and biting. “Besides me, that is."

“What do you mean?” you asked, but you knew what he was talking about. The light overhead did no good in concealing the blush that was spreading over your cheeks.

You were intimidated by his gaze, so you focussed on the spare hand on the whiskey glass. The sheer size of his hand made the glass look like a child’s plaything. He could make the circumference of your bare waist amount to nothing if he wanted. You know what you wanted to.

“You know very well what I mean,” he stated, his right eye creasing into a half-wink as he stared over you. Then he set his whiskey glass down and leaned over to you and whispered, his lip just inches from the skin of your cheek, his voice butter, “Don’t play coy, (Y/N).”

“I am not,” you retorted weakly. His words drew some goosebumps. Was Bill Weasley flirting with you or were you so touch-deprived that you were wrongly assuming so? You turned around to face him, trying to stand by your words but you were unravelling quick. His eyes were so gorgeous. He was so close you could identify hazel specks near the rim of blue.

A delicious smirk unraveled on the eldest Weasley’s face. It looked so good that you wanted to fucking kiss it off him. “Are you the type of woman that likes things spelled out for you?”

“No,” you countered quietly. You were so nervous that you were chugging your liquor instead of cherishing it, but if it meant breaking free of any social constraints, you were happy to almost be done your second.

“Let me verbalize it, then. Look at yourself.” You couldn’t follow his demand. You were too busy looking at Bill still, indulging in his strong nose bridge down to his slightly chapped lips. You were burning, dying, to kiss them. “You’re young, accomplished, hard-working, successful, smart, and beautiful.”

You wondered if he’d performed Legilimens on you, because you’d said the same thing to yourself moments earlier. Now you were more than concerned if he could read your mind because his hand had travelled up the slit of your dress, gently caressing your bare thigh, and your mind was a mess of nervous neurons.

“I could say the same for you,” you complimented. ‘Weak,’ you chided yourself. You were going to lose Bill’s attention with your attempt at flirting and go home alone tonight.

“Unlike some of my brothers, I turned out pretty alright, didn’t I?”

“One is a genetic train-wreck,” you said too quickly. You were immediately remorseful for the comment. Fred was still Bill’s brother—family. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” You gestured to your bartender, seeking a third round.

“I know what you mean,” Bill assured, his words unapologetic. “The greatest thing he’d ever had this entire life fell right onto his lap and he fucked up because of his own immaturity.” He didn’t even mention Fred by name but there was a shared knowledge that it was him you were talking about.

 His gaze was intense, ocean blue eyes darkening like the storm outside. “Do you know why that is, (Y/N)?”

Your breathing became laboured. “No.”

“It’s the sad state of being a boy,” he explained. You shouldn’t have, but you inched closer, letting Bill’s hand, thinly veiled from public view by a few degrees, travel dangerously higher up your thigh. “Let me show you what it’s like to with a man.”

The second one is called 'paradise potions'. IT'S THE SEX POLLEN TROPE, DON'T JUDGE ME.

He was still ever so handsome, with his soft ginger locks that framed his sharp cheekbones. His blue eyes glinted in the morning sun. You peeked at his chiseled jaw and his--dare you say--kissable lips. His t-shirt barely hid the muscles in his arms. He might’ve been tall and predisposed to being lankier compared to Charlie, but you knew he worked out plenty. 

You were so busy being entranced by Bill that you’d lost track of time and space. It was the best daydream, sitting in front of him, surrounded by faint windchimes and the chirping birds outside to the window. You were imagining a domesticated life with him here when suddenly--

A large explosion jolted you and Percy. You yelped and ducked. The others were unfazed.

“What was that?” you asked, trying to settle your heart. 

“Fred! George!” Molly cried, walking over to the stairs with her spatula still in hand. “What have I told you about your experiments?"

“Sorry, mum,” George said, running down the stairs, a smidge of ash on his face. “That’s it for today, I promise.”

“I don’t want to hear this again, ever!” Molly shrieked. Then, she calmed down when she realized she was in front of guests. “Well, if that’s it, then help out a little bit, won’t you? We have to get going in less than an hour.”

“Sure thing,” George said with a smile. He ran over to the table and to the coffee pot. He gave it a jiggle, letting the remaining liquid slosh around. “Anyone need a top up of their coffee?”

“Mum made that pot, you can trust it,” Percy advised.

“Thank you,” you whispered back, and then looked up at George, “I wouldn’t mind a cup.”

George sauntered over and poured you a cup. “Coffee, Bill?” he asked. 

“That sounds good,” Bill responded.

“You’ll have to wait another ten minutes then,” George said with a frown. He tapped the empty glass container. “I’ve just run out. If only (Y/N) didn’t drink for two.”

“Quit it,” Percy warned with a low tone. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. You were about to offer Bill your cup when Percy held out a hand to stop you. 

“Keep it,” Percy countered as she shoved the white mug back to your side. “I wouldn’t trust anything they put out. I’m glad it’s you that took the last of what mum made.”

While Percy could be harsh on his siblings, you were grateful for his looking out for you. To be fair, you were also skittish around Fred and George. They weren’t as easy to read as other people. A friendly smile could mean something sinister. 

Then...

Bill raised his hips up to help you bring the last bit of his undergarments down. You closed your eyes when you felt something whip out in front of your face. 

Well, Bill was clearly very well-endowed. You had nothing but anatomical pictures and the circumference of your wrist to compare him to, but even you knew he was bigger than average. Not only was his cock hefty and veiny, but his balls were very present. 

“I reckon I was cursed or hexed by someone,” he concluded. “It’s not like me to be so….”

He gestured to his raging erection. “Can you… do you mind?” He attempted to lift his hands, but they gravitated down to the bed. “I’ve tried but it’s made it worse, and now I can’t even manage to move my arm.”

“I’ve never, erm,” you started. A rush of heat kissed your cheeks. You didn’t want to admit to Bill that Fred was right and you were a virgin. You reckoned he would’ve found it uncool. “I’ve never done this with anyone.”

He chuckled suavely. “I figured.”

You wanted to shrivel up and die. 

“But it’s fine,” he said quickly, knowing he’d offended you slightly. “You don’t need to have done it to know how to do it. I’ll guide you."

“Grip your hand firmly down here.” You obliged, holding him at the base. For an usually flaccid body part, Bill was very, very hard and warm. All the blood in his body must’ve concentrated into one area. You were grateful when your thumb overlapped your other fingers, because, well, he was quite big and you weren’t sure he was going to fit in your hand. 

“Move up and down,” he said. When you started shifting your hand from the base to the tip, he let out a low groan. “Yeah, just like that.” Precum touched the skin of your hand as you moved faster and covered more ground. 

You kissed the red and leaking tip. Bill let out an audible gasp that was swallowed by a moan. He was not expecting you to be so brazen. 

“How does that feel?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at him.

“Good.”

You licked the precum--salty, you noted--off his slit. You enveloped your mouth around his tip and focused there. 

“Fuck, (Y/N)!”

His hands were fully entangled in your hair as he guided you up and down. Tears welled up in your eyes when his cock hit the back of your mouth. Your cries were muffled. You shouldn’t be enjoying being used so much, but you loved it, especially when Bill held you in place and began thrusting into your mouth.

Yeah, these are all drafts. I hope to get them up soon!!

[su8arandspite]

Feels Like Forever

Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day 1991, and Steve has a romantic getaway planned for himself and his girlfriend. But it might be a little more than a weekend away. Or, alternatively, the one where Steve has a very important question he wants to ask Beth.

steve harrington x female!oc

warnings and content: not proofread, probably not geographically accurate, established relationship, tooth-rotting fluff, smut, mentions of breeding, slight praise kink, unprotected sex

Just a lil (tiny bit late) valentine’s day blurb and some self-indulgence in oc fics. I have mixed feelings about this tbh but i love steve and beth so much & i’d like to send a big thank you to @powderblueblood for encouraging me

word count: 2.9k

(psst: want more beth & steve? Here 1 2 3 are some old classics from the vault ;)) )

“ARE you sure you know where we’re going?” 

Beth turned her gaze away from the passing countryside to lock onto the man sitting in the drivers’ seat beside her. Steve drummed his fingers against the steering wheel in time to the beat of the radio, which he had turned on low.

“Yes,” he scoffed. “Maybe. I’m pretty sure it’s just straight down this road and then we turn after the… cornfield”

Steve’s cheeks pinkened. There were miles of cornfields, nothing but them, as they drove through rural Indiana. The laugh that Beth gives in return is kind, mirthful.

“Oh, Steve,” Beth reached to retrieve the map from his glovebox. As she unfolded it, she broke out into a playful grin. “Where would you be without me?” 

She clicked her tongue playfully. Steve tore his eyes away from the road just in time to witness the glow in her eyes as a ray of sunshine caught the hazel and warmed it into the color of fresh honey. He reached for her, gently squeezing her hand in his.

“Darling,” Steve shook his head and pressed a feather-light kiss to her knuckles. “I don’t wanna know.”

“Good,” she breathed over a giggle. “‘Cause you’re stuck with me.”

“Promise?”

Her laugh and the soft hum of agreement she gave with it was like smooth butter melting over toast, and Steve was just as soft. 

This little Valentine’s Day weekend getaway was much-needed. Beth had been working herself too hard, taking up extra shifts at the hospital, and Steve had missed her terribly. She came home tired and overworked more often than not. Beth took care of everyone around her—in and out of work; he only wanted her to feel taken care of, too. It took minimal convincing on Steve’s part to talk her into a weekend for just the two of them. He took Nancy’s suggestion of a place off of Lake Michigan where she and Jonathan had gone some time prior.

“Okay,” she said, tapping at something on the map. “So, I think the turn’s just up the road…”

Sure enough, the sign stuck out of the cornfields just enough for her to spot it. 

“Well, would you look at that,” she teased. “It was by the cornfield.”

The eyeroll Steve gave in response was half-hearted. “See?” 

Beth shifted in her seat as the car finally turned off the gravel road. She tilted her head to look out the window, leaning against it like a little kid. It wasn’t long until the cabin came into view, a quaint little structure that looked cozy and inviting in the winter cold.

Despite her best efforts, Steve refused to let her help him carry the bags inside. She acquiesced and took him up on his suggestion to check the place out instead.

Steve watched with a lovestruck grin as Beth rushed to the back deck. She gripped the bannister and stared out at the view. Even in the dead of winter, the scenery was breathtaking. Lake Michigan was just visible through the trees and what bit of it Beth could make out was frozen solid. Winter or not, she doubted they would have any trouble staying warm in their cozy little cabin.

Mischief shined in her eyes as she completed her visual sweep of the back deck. The jacuzzi had a perfect view out on the nature below and clear through to the water.

“Ooh,” she lilted. “Look, Steve: hot tub!”

This finally pulled him away from the bag he was busy rummaging through and out to join her. Steve padded over to her side like a puppy, eager to find her touch. He hooked his chin over her shoulder. A content sigh rumbled through his chest as his hands slid around her waist, fingers gripping to pull her flush against him. Steve’s breath tickled her neck as he spoke:

“Whaddya say we test it out?”

His hands were warm as they slid under her sweater, heating her where the chilly air hit and spreading from the inside out. Beth shifted in his embrace until their faces were mere inches apart. 

“I’d say: ‘let’s do it, lover boy.’”

The sweet sound of Beth’s laughter faded into a shriek as he lifted her clean off the ground.

“As you wish.”

Steve insisted on planning the weekend for the both of them; he kept as much of it a surprise from Bethany as he could get away with. She only managed to pull it out of him once they were in the car that he was taking her to that zoo she had mentioned wanting to see for the day. Dinner was still a mystery, but she had until 7 PM to weasel her way to that information.

The Washington Park Zoo teemed with families and couples alike. As they strolled through the gift shop, Steve absently rubbed his thumb over the back of Beth’s hand that he was holding. He was pulled from his thoughts by her voice:

“Look, Steve! He kinda reminds me of you,” She held up a small stuffed lion. “You know, sweet face, cool hair…”

Steve took the toy in his free hand and held it up close to his face, puppeting it, “Funny you should say that, because he and I just so happen to both think that you are the most beautiful woman we’ve ever seen.”

She flushed, “Why, thank you.”

“What’s that?” He held it up to his ear, nodding in agreement. “He says he wants to come home with us.”

Beth’s eyes sparkled. Playing along, she took another half-step closer to Steve and gripped its little paw in her hand. “Yeah?”

“Welcome to the family, little guy,” locking eyes with Steve, she beamed. “Say hello to your new Daddy.”

Beth turned on her heel and sauntered further down the aisle. Steve’s cheeks burned and he stood, stunned, until his brain caught up and he ducked away towards the checkout counter before she could even tell him that she had only been joking.

When time to leave for their dinner reservations rolled around, Steve was the last one ready. Beth stood in the living room, leaning over the mirror by the foyer, and giving her lipstick one last glance over, while he was nowhere to be found.

Steve had been fully dressed for a while—crisp button down, even a tie and sports coat— but he was so busy running over things in his mind that he lost track of time. Only the sound of her voice calling his name was enough to pull Steve out of his stupor.

He reached a hand into his pockets one last time; some of the tension released from him as his hand gripped around velvet. Squaring his shoulders, he rushed out to meet her.

“Wow,” he breathed. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” she leaned into his touch to meet his kiss. “And you look very handsome.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm,” She nodded. “Very.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Steve pulled away enough to whisper. “I love you.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she repeated. “I love you, too.”

Steve leaned in for another peck, but didn’t quite make it there.

“Ah,” she gently placed her palm to his chest, head shaking. “As much as I love where this is heading, we have to go. We’ll be late.”

An exaggerated whine escaped him. Steve hung his head. He lingered just a moment with his nose breathing in the scent of her perfume:

“All right,” he lifted his head, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips to punctuate each word. “Just. One. More. Kiss.”

Reluctantly, he pulled himself away from her. While Beth went ahead to the car, Steve made a show of turning the key. He didn't turn back to join Beth until the lock clicked back into place and the deadbolt was retracted. With the door left unlocked, Steve jogged over to his car. Step one: check.

His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her leaning casually against the beemer, her blonde locks cascading effortlessly over her shoulders, and the flowy skirt of her cherry red evening dress peeking out from beneath her coat. She was the picture of beauty, and Steve nearly forgot how to think.

Adjusting his jacket, Steve pressed one final kiss to her cheek. He opened up the passenger door and helped her inside.

As he rounded the car, Steve tapped his hand to the trunk twice. And now: dinner.

“Okay,” Steve lowered his hands. “You can look now.”

When Beth opened her eyes, she blinked a few times to adjust to the new lighting. The cabin was dimly illuminated by candlelight, affording a soft glow to the room and emitting a pleasant vanilla scent. Rose petals scattered the floor in a path down the hall, guiding her towards the living room. She followed hesitantly, bolstered by the gentle squeeze of Steve’s hand to her shoulder.

The trail led into the main room where it tapered off just before a semi-circle of candles. Steve moved to stand in the center of it. Tears slipped from his eyes before Steve even hit the ground. He knelt on one knee and, with shaky hands, clumsily opened the ring box.

“I love you so, so much, Bethany Lynn Sullivan—honestly, I have for a very long time now—and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And, if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same. Will you marry me?”

From where Steve knelt, the candlelight just brushed over her face and the single hall light hovered over her head, reflecting like a halo over her blonde hair.

“Steve, yes. Of course, I’ll marry you!”

His hands shook as he slipped the ring onto her finger. It slotted into place like it was always meant to be there. Robin was right, he thought, it was the perfect ring. The band was a shiny yellow gold that stood out against the halo setting. Smaller stones of white diamond and emerald clustered around a one carat diamond that Steve had saved up for for months.

Wiping stray tears from his eyes, he stood, quick to pull her in for a tight embrace. He kissed her with everything he had. Unable to contain his excitement, he lifted her up off of the ground, spinning in a heated smooch.

“Did you do all of this yourself?”

“No,” He shook his head. “Actually, I had a little help from Robin and Eddie. Wanted to keep it a surprise, you know?”

“It’s perfect,” she hummed.

Steve’s heart swelled within his chest so quickly that he was surprised it didn’t just beat clean out of his rib cage. The kiss was a messy blur— his teeth and greedy tongue nipped away her lipstick, grasp liberally taking handfuls of hip and ass, and her hands tangled up in his hair. She tasted of champagne and sugar from the ice cream they shared at dinner; it was every bit as sweet as Beth was. 

The moments that followed were a blur of kisses and champagne. Steve can’t even remember how they ended up in the bathroom or if it had been him or Beth who started the bath. Their clothing long since forgotten, the couple clambered into the soapy water.

Steve sat up on his knees, turning around to face outside the bathtub. He slotted into place between Beth’s knees from where she sat on the edge. His hands slid over the smooth skin of her thighs, grip tightening to hold her in place. Steve spread her open with one hand, licking a long stripe from her wetness up to her clit. His eyes fluttered shut with a groan of arousal and he finally wrapped his lips around her clit, suckling greedily. Every sigh that Beth breathed out went straight to his cock. It twitched with want, neglected, save for what tiny bit of relief he found from bumping his hips against the tub.

“God,” he whined against her. “Such a good girl. Taste so fuckin’ sweet. My good girl.”

Her canary yellow nail polish popped against Steve’s chestnut locks which she grabbed handfuls of and pulled at the roots of in just the way she knew drove him crazy. More praise dripped freely from his lips, every word hurdling her closer to the edge. Pure pleasure and white-hot pressure built up inside Beth until she could hardly stand it. With one last cry of his name, her thighs clenched tightly around his head.

His iron grip on her thigh was the only thing to keep Beth in place through her climax, centering her between each convulsion. Finally, Steve pulled away from her core with a lewd pop. He planted one final sweet peck to her inner thigh, muttering just loud enough for her to pick up on: “I love you.”

Gently, he helped lower her into the warm water. Beth settled facing him, her legs straddling the bottom parts of his thighs. She dropped a kiss to the corner of his jaw. “I love you, too.”

Her kiss-swollen lips slotted against his in yet another sloppy make out. Blindly, she reached her hand between their bodies and palmed lightly at his erection. Her touch was tentative, teasing, as she wrapped her hand around him and slowly began to twist her wrist.

Steve’s jaw lowered in awe. The new jewelry sparkled each time it caught the light and fuck did it look just perfect wrapped around his cock. It was a nod to Steve and the rest of the world that Beth was his fiancée, soon his wife. And the idea alone nearly made him spill into her hand like an overeager teenager. 

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he whined. “Ah, I need to be inside you. Please”

“Yeah?”

He didn’t have to tell her twice. Beth stabilized herself with her hands now gripping his shoulders. Careful not to slip, she straddled him fully and sank herself down onto him. Steve reached to clasp her hands in his as she began to slowly ride him.

It’s messy and sweet, like the rosewater bubbles that had started to fade away around them.  Water sloshed softly with every rock of her hips, slightly drowning out Steve’s whimpers in the same way Beth’s pants muffled out into the warm skin of his shoulder where her head drooped to rest against.

“Ah, ‘m gonna cum,” he bucked his hips up to fuck into her in tandem with the slow rock of her hips. “Gonna come inside of you and— shit, just like that— fuck a baby into you.”

“Me too,” she whined. “Steve, ‘m gonna cum”

Steve’s grip was bruising as he stilled her, fucking up into her one last time. He swiped his thumb lazily over her clit until her second orgasm milked him. Beth was pliant in his arms, slightly sweaty skin plastered to his.

“You know,” Steve broke the silence as he wiped her clean. “I’ve actually been holding onto that ring for a while now.”

“Really?” She smiled, opening her tired eyes to get a good look at him. “For how long?”

“A year.”

He paused his fingers where they had been combing through her hair. Steve’s cheeks burned and swelled as his lips curved into a sheepish smile. 

“It’s perfect,” Beth assured him.

“And so are you.”

As Steve rinsed the shampoo from her hair and Beth turned to start on him, he let her in on another secret: “How does September 16th sound?”

“I think it sounds nice.”

“Good,” he hummed. “I, uh, I don’t know if you remember this, actually, but I wanted it to be then because it was on that day when I first thought I wanted to marry you. I mean, okay, technically, we were 6 and it probably doesn’t really mean anything, but I meant it. You kissed me on the playground behind the slide because I punched Tommy for destroying your art project.”

“God, I’d forgotten about that,” she laughed. “But, yeah. That sounds perfect, Steve.”

“Good,” he hummed. “Okay, so a fall wedding it is.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. So, who’s gonna be your best man? Eddie, or Dustin?”

Steve thought it over for a minute, “Dustin, definitely. After all, he is the one who pushed us together in the first place.”

She laughed. “That’s true.”

Steve grinned and splayed one hand over her belly, musing, “We should name our first born after him, actually.”

“Woah, slow down, there, Mr. Mom,” she patted her hands to his, laughing. “Wedding first, then we can talk about babies.”

Steve pushed his lower lip out in a playful pout, “Fine. But, for the record, you’re gonna be really cute when you’re pregnant”

Her cheeks flushed. “I’m actually not sure about the name, though. I may or may not have lost a bet to Eddie and drunkenly promised to name my eldest child after him.

“Okay,” He snorted, “How does ‘Eddie Dustin’ Harrington sound?”

“It has a certain ring to it.”

Another idea occurred to him as they finally clamored out of the rapidly cooling water, letting the tub drain as Steve grabbed each of them a fresh towel.

“Hey,” Steve perked up. “We can still practice making babies, right?”

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t quite stifle the chuckle this pulled from her. “Yes, you idiot.”

“Okay, good,” he hummed. 

Steve cupped her cheeks in his hands. It drew her eyes to his. He didn’t even wait for the laughing fit to subside before he leaned in to kiss her again. She clasped her hands over hers, and he massaged his thumb over the diamond on her engagement ring.

“I love you, Mrs. Harrington,” Steve whispered as he wrapped the towel around her frame. 

“I love you, too, Mr. Harrington.”

pls excuse any typos, to be edited later