#well technically there is no love confession between them but idc | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thejustmaiden · 4 years ago

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Heyo, fellow Inuyasha fans! Happy Friday! This particular blog will serve as a collection of random thoughts I’ve been mulling over lately. Hope you’ll consider giving it a read. By the way, it’ll specifically pertain to the Sessrin ship. If that’s not something that is of interest to you, then no need to read any further. Whatever happens, I wanted to get this out before the sequel. Alrighty, let’s go!

I’m not sure many of us realize just how much fiction sparks public dialogue and shapes culture. There have been countless studies and research done to prove it, therefore this really isn’t up for debate. What the real question here should be is have we taken the time to fully contemplate and assess just how much fictional experiences are able to change or influence our perspective on real, everyday life? The visual arts are just one of many evolutionary adaptations that serve to give us more insight into one another’s mind. If our outlook on fiction contrasts with said insight, then perhaps some re-evaluating is in order.

Powerful works of literature such as 1984 and the beloved Harry Potter series are just two examples. George Orwell’s book contributed strongly to how readers viewed government and politics during that time, and to this day it’s a book that resonates with many. As much as Harry Potter is cherished all across the world, there are religious and academic institutions that condemn it or have even gone so far as to ban it. I may not agree with the extreme measures taken, but it’s fascinating nonetheless to witness the extent to which fiction can move and mobilize people for a cause.

The takeaway is that indicating fiction doesn’t have the power to create change in our everyday lives is misleading to say the least. So how exactly then can fictional stories that are, after all, completely made up affect society in such profound ways? It all lies in the power of the psychology of fiction. According to cognitive psychologist and novelist, Keith Oatley, who’s been researching the psychological effects of fiction for over a decade, he states that engaging with stories about other people can improve empathy and theory of mind. When we identify with these characters’ struggles, we begin to share their frustration for societal problems that plague them. These types of stories tap into our emotions more so than- believe it or not- nonfiction, and thus their effects inspire us and even have the ability to alter our worldviews.

I’ll be returning to that specific topic a bit later, but moving on for now!

It’s safe to say that I speak on behalf of the majority of antis. That being said, I first want to add that we are aware that sessrin shippers claim to agree that there was nothing inherently romantic that took place between Rin and Sesshomaru during their travels together. The thing is we have trouble believing you guys when you time and time again provide contradictory statements to defend your stance.

Voicing things like, “all signs point to Rin” and “it’s been foreshadowed” sends the exact opposite message of what you supposedly stand for and, if anything, confirms that you’ve had romance on your mind long before it would’ve been acceptable to come out with openly. You can’t just go along with what we say when it’s convenient to your argument and then back it up later with “who else but Rin.” How can the relationship you’re imagining be so obvious if they didn’t hint at it for the whole duration of the original series like we agreed upon? Elaborate on how we could’ve possibly come to such wildly different conclusions when we started AND left off with the same views for and throughout the series.

On top of that, making the excuse that we don’t speak for adult!Rin and that she has the right to make her own decisions once she’s old enough is a weak defense. Firstly, because we haven’t even met her. Secondly, because it’s unfair of you to assert that you know what’s best for Rin and then say we’re not allowed to just because it doesn’t align with your beliefs. I get that you feel protective over her character, but do recall that this adult version of her none of us have actually met yet. We have no idea what kind of woman she’s become, what her dreams or aspirations may be, and whether she’s married or even wants to be. I’m not against the idea of her falling in love, I just don’t think it’ll be with Sesshomaru. I guess I’m also a fan of the idea of her following in Kaede’s footsteps, because if anyone can grow up to be an independent, trusted, and wise leader of the community like her it’s Rin.

To make matters worse, way too many of you continue to celebrate the drama cd and profess that it was sweet that Sesshomaru basically promised he’d wait for Rin all while somehow ignoring the glaring grooming implications. Why do you only see what you want to see and fail to acknowledge that actual child grooming scenarios do in fact play out like this in real life? A high percentage of people who have been victims of grooming can attest to this. If Sessrin does go canon, all the sequel succeeded in doing to avoid the direct correlation with grooming was skip over the more questionable and dodgy portions of it. Take out the time jump, however, and you no longer have a loophole to cover up the scary unmistakable truth, which is that Sessrin and grooming are essentially one in the same.

No one case is identical to another so please don’t come to me with your “but how is it grooming if Sesshomaru didn’t manipulate Rin” refutes. Nobody knows what the hell went on during those years between The Final Act and this upcoming sequel. Based on everything exhibited so far- that is if we decide to recognize the drama cd like so many of you choose to do- Sessrin’s dynamic is eerily reminiscent of real life child grooming. Why else do you think a lot of us fans have a huge problem with it? It’s triggering for a reason.

Let’s be honest, Sesshomaru’s supposed love confession could’ve just been the first of many gestures like it. Who really knows, right? According to you shippers, a major shift in their relationship took place sometime during this critical period none of us got to watch unfold. I’m sure you all have explored the various ways this would’ve gone down in fan fiction and through other creative means of expression. Not to spoil the fun, but all I can’t help but wonder about is just how many of those supposed “cute moments” would’ve been as creepy and cringey as that proposal. Hundreds of thousands (possibly millions?!) of fans would undoubtedly agree with me, too. It seems to me this ain’t due to a mere difference of opinion. Taste is one thing, ethics a whole other.

By the way, in case you didn’t know, groomers don’t necessarily need to plan out every single move in order for their behavior to constitute as grooming. What we should be paying attention to instead is the fact that Sesshomaru made a conscious decision to act on his own selfish desire for a young girl who couldn’t have possibly known in that moment the magnitude of what he was asking of her. Why is it that a vulnerable Rin is put in a position that forces her to be the one responsible for making such a big, life-changing decision for the both of them? Yes, Sesshomaru gave her the choice and, yes, she doesn’t have to make it till later, but why on Earth is he coming to her with this well before a child her age is ready and mature enough to handle it? Even if his intentions are good (broadly speaking of course), his what you shippers probably call “innocent acts” are incidentally coercing Rin into reciprocating his feelings. Whether he planned for that or not, he’s at fault. Period.

That’s one way the power imbalance works. A child wants nothing more than to please the adult they look up to and adore, because they’re impressionable like that. Maybe Rin processes this like she’ll want whatever he wants, so that’s what she trains herself to believe- either right then and there or over time. Plus, if you really think about it, why wouldn’t she trust him if in her eyes he’s been nothing but good to her and that’s all she’s ever really known? (Psst! Charm is integral to the manipulative nature of grooming so it’s deceiving AKA manipulation can come off as praise or flattery.) Bottom line is that Rin is too young to have to think about this kind of deep stuff at all, and Sesshomaru shouldn’t have taken advantage of the power he had/has over her to influence a decision she was by no means prepared to hear about much less decide on. Your headcanons seem to imply that she’ll eventually have to choose though, and Idk about you but I rather not push my own fantasy agenda onto a underage girl regardless of how much I want it. Idc if she’s fictional, it wouldn’t feel right so why would I want to see that? My principals couldn’t ever allow for it.

Even if it wasn’t an official proposal, per se, it’s still disturbing to me that so many of you find joy in the thought of a grown adult male essentially waiting for a young girl HE KNEW to become old enough before pursuing her. I know this drama cd ain’t technically canon, y'all, but since this is literally the only source we have that may foreshadow a potential Sessrin to come, and it’s referenced a lot, I figured it still should be called out for exactly what it is- Grooming: 101!!!!

Just as I demonstrated above, fiction has the ability to make even the most inappropriate and uncomfortable situations be viewed in a favorable light when you put the right spin on it. *cough* Lolicon culture, need I say more? *cough* Despite what you may believe, the strategies fiction utilizes to explain themes/concepts can genuinely lead to how we perceive them, and ultimately to how we come to make sense of a similar event presented to us in real life. Especially if we have no prior experience with any of it and have nothing to compare something to, these perceptions can be dangerous yet still persuasive to certain fans- young ones in particular. The more narrative consistency across stories and different mediums, the more likely they’ll influence social beliefs. Minors don’t possess the same capacity as adults to think critically about the content they consume, and if we aren’t more careful about what we put out there then all of us will continue to face serious repercussions.

This is precisely why it’s crucial we persist in our fight against the rabid phenomenon of glorifying young girls in every sexual context imaginable. Just look at what something as seemingly harmless as fiction has the power to do. The scope of fiction is broad and far-reaching, and it’s about time we stop denying that fact and actually do something about it if we have the means to.

The truth of the matter is that we’re in desperate need of proper education and training programs on this issue in our communities. Families need to ensure their children have access to the necessary resources, but it isn’t just on them. ALL of us gotta do our part and ALL of us should be up for the task. It takes a village, right? If we do not properly discuss and address child sexual abuse (CSA) with our children and in public forums, including the internet, then we’re ultimately accepting incidents of CSA should they arise. Consequently, that also translates to indirectly accepting that the predators among us stay untreated and/or unpunished. That’s how the generational and societal aspect of the abuse can continue, and we must do everything in our power to secure our children’s future. Yes, even when it comes to fiction.

If you still somehow don’t think the Sessrin pairing has anything to do with grooming, allow me to break this down for you one more time:

1. If some of your fellow sessrin shippers say that a relationship like this in real life is harmful, then that should be pretty telling in and of itself.

2. Piggybacking off #1: if your only defense to that is “well it’s just fiction,” then you should ask yourself why you can’t ever come up with better reasons. Same goes for history and culture, so please stop using those to justify this relationship. None of the above can or should be applied since it’s already been established that fiction pervades our lives and vice versa.

3. If fellow shippers who are victims of grooming say they are drawn to Sessrin because it allows them in a way to “take back control” from their abuser so that they can better cope with past traumas, then they’re inadvertently admitting that Sessrin does possess qualities associated with the past child sexual abuse they underwent. AKA Sessrin is relatable for its abusive dynamic.

I have to ask by the way, but why do you get so offended when we don’t support your ship anyway? Is it because we interpret it to be controversial and you don’t like your ship getting a bad rap? Is it because it would be insulting to admit that antis actually have a point in it being problematic and you rather double down instead? Or is it because you’re projecting yourself onto Rin and prefer to not go into detail about why that is? Maybe it’s too personal, or maybe it’s because deep down you’re ashamed. Of course that doesn’t mean you’re bad people, but suppressing these kind of negative emotions can’t be healthy for anyone. A little awareness and self-reflection on your part can benefit not just you but all of us in the long run. Cognitive dissonance can suck, but it’s also part of being human.

I recently came across a comment I’d like to share with you. Unfortunately, this is not the first time nor will it be the last I see the likes of it. Anyway, in it a fan stated how embarrassing it must be being an Anti in this fandom when an episode like “Forever with Lord Sesshomaru” exists. Guys, this shipper and all those who liked their post are showing their true colors. Perpetuating and/or anticipating these sexualized images of young girls is a grave issue in both our society and media alike. I think we can all agree on that, or at least I hope so. It’s remarks like these that prove we still got a long way to go in terms of progress, and if we ever hope to effectively reverse some of our backwards way of thinking. So serious question for ya in regard to this: Why is it too much to ask that grooming be portrayed for what it is? Grooming. To clarify, grooming is bad and needs to be painted in a bad light. It’s as simple as that. If only we could all acknowledge it for what it is, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Historical accuracy and cultural differences aside, it appears the crux of the matter between Sessrin shippers and Antis is our acceptance and/or denial of fiction’s influence on real life. If we can’t agree on this, then we’ll never agree on anything else. As mentioned earlier, there is more than enough evidence to support the idea that fiction impacts our lives in extraordinary ways. I, for one, believe in the transformative power of stories. I think they do more for us than many of us give them credit for and/or are inclined to admit.

This is partially why I believe that the majority of sessrin folk are missing the point most of the time. All they do is focus on insignificant and irrelevant information that accomplishes nothing but more gaslighting and strawmanning. Whether it be an intentional or unconscious decision, whatever we argue goes right over their head. All they do is throw around deflections and antagonizing remarks that serve no real purpose other than to make Antis out to be the unreasonable and irrational ones. Making connections between our own lives and our stories is a completely natural and normal occurrence. If those particular shippers insist on denying just how interconnected real life and fiction both are, what that tells me is they’re either out of touch with reality or deliberately choose to be.

Just to be clear, I am of the opinion that most if not all antis aren’t real life predators. If they say they aren’t, I honestly take their word for it. Speaking to Sessrin shipper directly: We know it’s not Sesshomaru you want to be but Rin. No, we’re not calling you pedophiles or groomers. None of us think you are using a fictional ship to attract underage fans to be the Rin in your life or anything of the sort. We are well aware that many of you are self-inserting yourself as Rin, so please don’t feel the need to tell us yourself because that would be stating the obvious.

I learned from a few of you since this sequel was announced that the Sessrin relationship isn’t just a ship but an opportunity for you to confront the person who used and abused you. So there’s two issues with this I’d like to raise. (Sorry if I’m repeating myself, but it’s urgent I stress this again!) This is what I have to say:

If fiction does not affect real life or have the ability to normalize anything as you claim to believe, then why does “fixing” what happened to you via your preferred choice of coping associated with these two characters in the first place? Why bring your past abuse into this at all if at the end of the day it’s “just fiction” and nothing more to you but a source of entertainment?

By confessing that you use Sessrin to cope with your past trauma, you therein reveal that Sessrin does in fact resemble an adult-child relationship with a grooming dynamic. So why then would you want other fans to be exposed to a pairing that brings to mind the very abuse you endured? We’re supposed to stop this toxic cycle- NOT find more ways to manifest and relive it, much less subject other fans to it.

You may think that Sessrin doesn’t fit the textbook definition of what child grooming is, but that’s not to say it doesn’t embody it or that it doesn’t at the very least have traces of it that stand out.

“Antis are miserable people who don’t know how to enjoy a good story. It’s just fiction, stop ruining it for other fans!”

Well, no, it’s not just fiction or just a story. Some of you evidently went and proved that yourself, and without my help, by revealing how you relate Sessrin to your own life and apply it to cope with past abuse. Past abuse or not, as far as I can tell we’re all equally invested in these characters. That speaks volumes and just goes to show that fiction touches our lives in long-lasting ways.

I have something I want to say concerning some of who believe that it’s inconsiderate of antis who have been victims of grooming or another form of child abuse to tell other victims who ship Sessrin how they should cope with their trauma. Now as much as I respect the various means victims discover to deal with their painful pasts, there’s always an appropriate time and a place for these things to occur. We must seek out better ways to safely cope with the abuse we lived through (if any) without running the risk of hurting and endangering others.

There are plenty of fans in other fandoms who don’t try to defend their ships going canon, because they’re able to recognize an unhealthy or toxic pairing when they see one and won’t try to justify it. A Sessrin romance simply does not belong on a show geared towards teens, and I really don’t need to go into detail about why we shouldn’t support it, at least canon-wise. Shipping Sessrin is your right, but if you don’t keep it to yourself and your corner of the fandom then you really shouldn’t be surprised by the opposition. All we ask is you respect that their specific dynamic falls under the category of child grooming (or very close) and should be treated as such in public. The world of fiction may be wider than the world we live in, but that doesn’t always mean “anything goes.” In the creative spaces our minds occupy we must still adhere to the same fundamental and moral guidelines we live by in life. There’s nothing wrong with exploring new terrains and experimenting with ideas, but we must also remember that our stories are all about communicating and connecting with people. So let’s please be more mindful of the sort of messages they’re sending.

Besides, this isn’t only about you and what makes you feel safe, it’s about all of us. I don’t know how much more I can stress that really. How can thoughts endanger our children, you ask? Well, it’s not like we’re suggesting that our thoughts can jump out of our tvs, materialize themselves, and place kids under mind control. The forces behind fiction are a lot more complex and nuanced than a “monkey see, monkey do” approach, so don’t waste any more time trying to describe that to us. You’re taking this argument in the wrong direction.

Take the “violent video games breed killers” theory. I’m afraid you’re misconstruing what we’re saying and then taking it quite too literally. Please stop twisting our words, because nobody on our side is saying that just because you play violent video games that you’ll become a violent person. The Sessrin equivalent of that would be if you ship them then you must be a pedophile or turning into one. *sigh* I know you guys are feeling attacked, but I’m afraid your defensive nature is keeping you from thinking straight. Clearly, there are always exceptions (I’d recommend reading up on the Slender Man case), but Antis aren’t saying you’re one of them.

You see, it’s not so much about the content as it is the notion of the content. Kids and teens who are playing these video games have been informed that killing is wrong, because they grew up learning that early on like the rest of us. No sane person would advocate for violence and nonsensical killing in real life. Since they fully understand the severity of the consequences of killing a person in real life, they are able make a clear distinction between the two. When it comes to killing there is hardly any ambiguity. Sadly, that is far from the truth when it comes to sexualizing girls. It should immediately be perceived as wrong leaving no room for interpretation, and yet here we are still putting up with these inaccurate and demeaning female representations.

Most children who have been groomed don’t realize it till years down the road. If they aren’t ever taught the telltale signs to properly labeling grooming situations, how do you expect them to make sense of and relate to a fictional version? Let’s think of about it from a child’s perspective. Yes, this includes teens who rely pretty heavily on adult guidance and the content we put out there for them. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and picture that you’ve never had child grooming explained to you (because that’s just the reality for so many unfortunately). Wouldn’t you say it’s possible for them to deduce that what they see on their screens is how they come to discern something in real life, especially if they have little to no experience with it? Perceived realism is plausible, y'all.

What it comes down to in the end is that the ideas and emotions we cultivate behind these stories leave an impression on others. Impressions are capable of influencing the way we see the world, which in turn affects us and beyond just our imagination. The way I look at it, stories contribute to how and why we normalize certain beliefs and trends. If fiction reflects real life like most of us tend to agree, then wouldn’t you say Sessrin is a (in)direct result of this world’s tendency to place young girls in overly sexual or romantic environments? Where do you think fiction draws its inspiration from? Sure, some of it originates from our imagination, but most of what drives us to create these stories is the real world and the people who live in it.

Fiction is meant to mirror reality, but it’s ridiculous to suggest that it’s only a one-way street. That fiction in no way, shape, or form influences our reality? Or that it only works the other way around? With all due respect, that’s simply not true. No productive discourse can be had if we choose to ignore the truth and don’t come together (at least halfway) to tackle the real issues at hand.

Okay, I think I’ll leave it off there! Thanks so much for reading. I expect this to be my last blog on any topic regarding Inuyasha in the near future. As much as I’ve looked forward to answering all of your asks and writing all the blogs I have over these past almost 5 months, I think it’s best if I spend some time away for now. With the sequel fast approaching, I’m doing what I always do: hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I’ve met some amazing people along the way, that’s for sure. And who knows, maybe you’ll see me active in the tags sooner than we think. Until then, it’s been an absolute pleasure! Enjoy the sequel, all of you. 💜

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #it's been real y'all #catch ya on the flipside #(which I hope is in a promising sequel 🤞)

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gaycharr · 5 years ago

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A Confession

For @tyrias-library ‘s Confession prompt!

Set sometime after HoT but before other things kick up because idc about timelines.

She’d never confessed it, not even to herself. As a charr in the Legions trying to get by under the scrutiny of others, Kori had become surprisingly adept at unspoken messages. It wasn’t ever to be voiced, but it could still be conveyed at times. Through a paw on the shoulder, a lean against one another around a campfire. Through a trusting hand slipping out of hers and letting her go. It just depended on how good the other party was at deciphering the hidden message lying beneath the action.

Kori had never said it, had buried it deep down within herself, something fragile and too frightening to bring out and examine. Nep never did either, not with her words at least. Perhaps, for both of them, there was a thought that one day there would be a moment where it would all click into place, if they could just wait until then.

But we all know that is not often the case. And when faced with the weight of acknowledging something she’d never even confessed to begin with, something that had slipped away from her and was irretrievable...irreplaceable...Kori buried it as well.

It was easy to push down and away, especially as she helped the Pact. Now though, in a moment of peace in between disasters, Kori felt everything start to boil back up even as she refused to admit it to herself.

She also foolishly refused to accept that eventually, it would catch up to her. To admit a breaking point is a dangerous thing, because it brings you all the closer to it being a reality. If she could just keep quiet, it would all be fine?

Of course it’s a normal wintery day that it happens. Warm for the season, everything thawing slowly around them. Marina had been reading up on magic herbs and, thinking she’d recalled some growing in the forest nearby, they’d trekked an hour or two out into the wilderness.

Kori’s ear twitched, picking up the distant sound of running water. She suppressed a shiver as a spark of unease ran down her spine. Tries not to look too closely at the memories her mind attempts to bring up.

“The flowers are supposed to grow near running water, so I was thinking we could start by looking around the river? They’ll be small clusters of white flowers, and allegedly they glow faintly! Maybe cup your hands around them to check?” Marina grinned, hands clasped together in front of her as she delivered the information, the sound of the river growing louder with every step.

“Sounds good. I’m gonna go down the opposite direction, help us cover more ground. Stay along the stream if you two get lost.” Sig flashed a quick smile of her own, walking leisurely away from them with a wave.

Kori fell silent as they neared the river. Marina was talking- but she couldn’t manage to zone in. And there it was- rushing with the recently thawed ice water. Acid prickled at the back of Kori’s throat as she forced her fur to stay flat, tail wriggling uncomfortably as she averted her eyes from the river in the same way one tries not to peer too closely at a dead body.

“Oh! Look, I think there’s some over on the other side of the bank, we should try to cross over further so-” Her hand brushed against Kori’s fur, startling her from her daze with a flinch. Marina stumbled into silence herself, holding her hand closer to her a bit more carefully as she quirked an eyebrow at Kori.

Kori grit her teeth, keeping her body language in check as she looked back at Marina in what she hoped was an impassive way. Marina squinted her eyes, looking a little more closely, and Kori’s fur crawled with the sensation of being seen through. “Are you okay?”

Ugh, why did she have to put it into words. Kori repressed a grimace as she broke eye contact. “Fine, just startled me.” Not technically a lie, and a statement Marina seemed to accept after a moment.

Kori managed to keep herself in check as they paced further down the river, looking for a place where they might cross over the water safely. The scar along her shoulder itched, and her claws twitched with the effort of not rising to scratch at it. She could feel an ugly energy rising up in her, but she refused to let it out.

“This looks a little better, we should be able to wade across.” Marina gestured out to where the river bed rose up, the depth thinning out enough that they wouldn’t have to risk their lives swimming against the current.

Kori stepped to stand next to her, feet a small step from the water. It felt like her breath had been snatched away suddenly, her vision growing a bit hazy as she started to zone out staring at the water. Marina took a step forward, and suddenly the fear rolled up her throat and crashed against her teeth.

“Wait!” Her voice seemed to echo around her before her blood rushed through her ears, drowning it out. She realized she’d shot her hand out to grab Marina’s arm and with a twitchy movement quickly lowered it back to her side. She swallowed around a sudden lump in her throat, ears and shoulders lowering as she averted her gaze. “It’s just, the current. Might be too strong still…” And curse her, she’d never been good at putting things into words.

For a long few moments Marina just stared at her, calculating. Kori could see the researchers mind in her analyzing the situation and she felt sick with the idea that Marina...the Commander, would finally view her as a failure. She shouldn’t be scared of a little water...shouldn’t be scared to face the scars of her past. She grit her teeth, feeling breathless and sickeningly ugly.

Marina was smart though, could just barely see the glimmer of the unspoken message under Kori’s spoken words, but it was enough. She straightened and cleared her throat, ignoring the tense energy hanging around them.

“You’re right, can’t be too careful. It wouldn’t do any good for either of us to get swept away.” Marina looked away, seemed to fidget with her hands for a moment before looking back and offering a soft smile. “Why don’t you help me across then? I can hold onto you.”

Kori felt the urge to argue, but stopped herself. There was a feeling there, she allowed herself to recognize it as relief and maybe a bit of gratitude. That fear still prickled at her, but right now the stronger unfaced fear was that if Kori didn’t get swept away again, Marina would, even as she tried to rationalize to herself that such a thing wouldn’t happen.

So she nodded, not trusting herself to speak anything, but trusting herself enough to reach out and take Marina’s (smaller, softer) hand into her own (clawed and rough).

They faced the river, moving to cross it together. Marina had seemed to sense that Kori was facing some unspoken issue, maybe even piecing together the information of Kori’s past she knew of. The first few steps went smoothly, but Kori could feel her body starting to tremble as the water rushed around her legs.

She clenched her teeth, eyes glued to the water around her as she forced her body to take step after step. Each moment felt agonizingly slow. Her stomach rolled, a cold sweat like feeling breaking out across her fur, which now started to bristle. Distantly, she realized she was panting, was she still taking steps?

She blinked furiously at the hot tears blurring her vision, gulping and trying to fill her lungs. There was a hand in hers, and she clung to it desperately, unable to hold back the memories of blood and grief and loss and love that was never given and now never could be. She couldn’t let go...she can’t let go. Could hardly breathe around the panic as she remembered a different hand slipping from her grasp.

“You don’t have to let go. Koriko...Kori!” It took a moment for things to swim back into some sort of focus. Had she said that out loud? Kori opened and closed her mouth, wondering if she was going to be sick.

Through stinging eyes and heaving breaths, Kori managed to keep her gaze focused on Marina’s hand in hers instead of the movement of the water around them. Marina held to her a little tighter, guiding her through the river.

It seemed like a timeless ordeal to Kori by the time they reached the other side of the river. Unable to keep her legs from buckling anymore, she crumpled and clutched at the ground. For a moment a bubble of hysteria rose up, and Kori thought she might have to start laughing at the cruelty of it all bearing down on her now.

Instead, her breath hitched as Marina crouched down next to her, hesitating only a little before running a gentle hand down Kori’s back.

“Hey, it's okay, you're okay…” Kori both hated and basked in the soft tone used on her. She wanted to bare her fangs, say she was stronger than this. At the same time, she felt that wave of emotion crest up within her, a desperate yearning ache to speak.

“What happened?” Kori didn't have to answer, should probably bottle it back up and try to brush it off as her being weak and scared of water. Her claws curled a little deeper into the ground.

“I was- remembering. What happened before Sig found me, my warband…” they both seemed shocked at Kori’s decision to open up. “I…” and here her throat closed up again

The words were so painful, cutting her throat open as she dug them up and out. Each one an agonizing glittering truth. “I…never told her. I never told any of them- what they meant to me.” And now that it was out Kori felt her heart start to race , rushing ahead in the space left behind.

“They died for me- she let me go so I would live and… she never knew that I loved her.” And there it was, the heart of the grief.

They were quiet for a time, leant against each other now while Marina continued to lazily stroke Kori’s back.

She couldn't find the energy to be embarrassed now, simply worn out from the outpouring of emotion.

“Did you know? That she loved you?” The question was whispered, just barely above the sound of the water behind them. Kori swallowed and looked away. Could she look at this truth, painful and dazzling all at once.

“...yes. I knew it…she-” but her throat closed up, blinking back the tears. Marina gave her a sad smile, patting her.

“Well then, I have no doubt that she knew as well.” Was that idea more or less painful? Kori wasn't sure, but having finally faced these feelings she felt a small bit of pressure lift from her.

They remained a few beats longer, letting the moment breathe, and then Marina heaved an exaggerated sigh and dramatic groan as she straightened up and stretched.

“Come on, let's go hunt down Sig.” her smile was soft and Kori ignored how her ears burned at the gentle treatment.

She went to walk alongside Marina, who gave an odd pause. Kori looked sideways at her, having just enough time to grow nervous before Marina turned and held out her hand.

“You know... I care about you. You don't have to face things alone anymore, not with me and Sig here.” Kori’s teeth clicked audibly in her rush to close her mouth, stopping anything revealing from spilling out.

She wanted to say that she cared too, confess that she was also scared to lose Marina, that she wanted to protect the little family they had begun to grow.

She swallowed, kept her mouth shut, but reaches out to hold Marina’s hand in her own again. She'd always been better at unspoken messages.

#gw2 #c: kori #c: marina

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rrufaidah · 5 years ago

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My lessons learned of being 22 and dating people

God. Don’t you just love being 22? I’ve had a few sorta serious relationships, and some of them ended because of their shortcomings (always). Nonetheless, after the last one, I realised that I might in a stage of my life where I honestly can’t rely on myself for judgments when it comes to men. It’s pathetic really because I go for the wrong ones, but at least I can admit it. So, I’ve been doing this new thing where I just openly date a heap of dudes, and am going to remain actively and wilfully single for at least a year. I’ve been doing it for six months now.. how many guys? A lot. I lost count honestly. But I’ll share stories about the most interesting ones.

Here’s a couple of things that I’ve learned so far from these men:

1. Never focus on just one guy until he says he wants to be with you exclusively

Listen. I am young. When is the best time to explore myself? Now is the time. Explore what I like, what I don’t like, what kind of person I want to be with, my sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with seeing multiple people at the same time because I never know who, when, where, or how I am gonna meet the right one for me. I just have to go out there.

2. Never ever feel guilty about it

There’s definitely a difference between confessing my love for someone and going out to watch a movie, get dinner, or get drinks. So I don’t feel guilty about exploring my options. I know for sure I am not the only one in the boat.

3. Get to know those people, please

Dating multiple people is one thing, having sex with multiple people is another. Both sides are great, so no judgments okay. But I have been making a sincere attempt at getting to know those I choose to go out with. I don’t go for small talks. I go for the deep talks and find out who they are. After all, I am figuring out what kind of people I am really into. So, I listen to them and be present when they share their stories.

4. Here is it: Do not, I say this with a heavy heart, develop feelings over them

I need to clarify here; having feelings is not a bad thing at all! But only, if the other person is feeling the same thing as I am one day. But I have established that I am “keeping it casual”, so I really am keeping it casual. Idc what they say about it. I won’t say that I feel nothing when I actually feel everything, but if this happens I usually stop seeing the guy. This point is one I am still working on myself, I can’t be cool as a cucumber 24/7.

5. Be mysterious; make them curious and leave them wanting more

To be honest, men are men -- no matter if they say “I don’t like the mind games. I’m not here to play the games. I like an honest girl.” I am telling you guys that is... bullcrap. Yes, of course, they like it when I open up myself. But you know why? Because they like the chase, the mystery, the fun of trying-to-figure-out-who-this-girl-is. So sure, I open up, I tell them who I am -- what I like, I don’t like. But I always make sure that I am clear, direct, firm and have a voice. After all, I am a woman who knows myself more than anyone else, so I don’t let them take control over me. But I make sure I do it in a very polite and cute way because it will leave them curious and wanting more. I give them my best smile, laugh at every joke they say to me, wear sexy clothes that doesn’t reveal too much skin, and simply be easy going like I am one of his mates because real men don’t like complications (but they would still take care of me).

6. Do not kiss and tell to any of them, if you want to continue the fun

This one should be obvious. Never ever let them know that I am dating multiple people at the same time because men’s ego couldn’t handle it. They would just treat me coldly after they find out about it. So I boost their ego by thinking they are the only one that I am “closest” with, but every now and then I make sure they know that they have competitions out there -- simply by “accidentally” showing him that I’ve got many texts and it can be seen on my phone screen. It’s funny how they would secretly try to take a peek, but do not say anything about it, and I would just smile at them like I have no idea what they are doing (unless it’s urgent like work, I am gonna open my phone for sure). I feel pretty confident in assuming that no matter the gender, we as humans don’t like sharing. Or at least, knowing that we are sharing.

7. Try to not get overbooked

This one is important. I have recently been overbooked myself with two dates. Not fun I am telling ya. Even though it was only dinner with A, and fun night with B, but I had to meet up with A again in the morning for jogging so I had to rush out from B. See how much of a liar I had to be and definitely had to manage my time really well? I hate being a liar to their faces. I would prefer not giving them details instead. Besides, the consequences of overlapping are just far too great. And I make sure they hang out in different areas when I am with them. I definitely do not want that embarrassment.

8. Well, honesty is what you can give after things get too serious

Well, if someone wants to know if I am seeing other people, I will be as honest as I can. Especially if they are starting to develop feelings over me. Now, unless I want to be with them, I would just be honest with them that I am not looking for anything serious and just focusing on myself at the moment. I am still a decent human being, I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings anyway. On the plus side, if they get so pissed off they won’t hang out with me anymore, I have a couple other to fall back on. And if they want me enough, they would ask me to stop seeing other people, not hate me for it. But I would still say no to them hehe.

9. Never ever assume you are the only one they are seeing

For me, the ideal casual relationship is one in which I am free to be my naturally flirty/bitchy self, and the man I am seeing is so tormented by my beauty, intelligence, and sexual prowess that he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but me. Sad to say, this ideal relationship is totally un-fucking realistic. If I ever met a guy like that, I would think he was the biggest loser ever for falling head over heels for me. Yeah, because I like the challenges and mystery too. If I ever find out that they are also seeing other people, I get a grip of myself and remind myself that they are allowed to do that as well because technically, they are as single as I am. I know it is a good thing that they are also exploring their options out there and later figure out whether they want to be with me because i hold the same values as they do (plus being beauty, intelligent, and sexy lol).

10. Ignore the limitations that society told you

I have stopped freaking myself out with the limitations that society told me. Sometimes it gets scary to try the unfamiliar things.. For instance, what if the man is waaay waaaay older? Been there, done that. Well, I am exploring my options and wanting to know what I like. So, I never let anyone tell me who I should be dating. If I like younger guys, same age guys, or older guys that is completely my choice. What matters is how they treat me and how I treat them. I have explored my options from 21, 22, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30, 32, 33, 35, 36, 40, 45 yo men because I thought I had daddy issues, lmao. But now I know that I don’t after I explored it. Was it scary? Eh, not really, they were humans. But yeah, I found out what I like and what I don’t like because I have been keeping an open mind. My friend asked me, “aren’t you worried that one day when you wanna settle down with a guy and he can’t accept this from you?” Well then, I know for sure that person is not the one for me because the person I should be with is someone who can accept my past, present, and future.

There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. At some point, I would want that too after exploring the market. We just gotta figure out which one fits us so we don’t end up getting hurt. After all, this journey should be about me. I am allowed to make my own choices for happiness and I am not obligated to do anything other than look out for myself.

So now it’s your turn to go out there and have the fun you deserve.

#writing #writings #poem #poems #poetry #men #lovelife #dating

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lansizhuis · 5 years ago

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Do you have any weilan drama hcs vs weilan novel hcs? Also what are your thoughts on the zhenhun japanese audio drama news?

as you already know i lowkey screamed about this ask yesterday hahahaha and i had to pause and take some time or else im gonna cry that im having zhenhun asks hahahaha (and i got your ficlet prompt!! imma write it soon hehe)

I’m gonna go with the easiest question first - my thoughts on the upcoming JP audio drama. Man, I was so skeptical when I saw that post on weibo and admittedly just scrolled past it. But then I saw some weilan personal accts I follow that shared it so I had to check JJWXC but couldn’t see it. And I had to bombard my friend to check it on their app despite her not being in the zhenhun fandom lmao (i owe her my first born’s hair lol) and the rest is history akdaskjf OKAY so I was honestly hoping maoerfm would take it and despite being very unlikely - i was also hoping zhu yilong and bai yu would still voice weilan given that they didn’t need VAs when they did the drama and also I love the two of them. I also really was hoping to hear the iconic lines as is from the novel (thank you xiao bai for recording yourself saying the confession scene on your own jfc long ge it’s just 2 words from you please keep up haha). BUT YOU KNOW WHAT - I’M TAKING WHAT I CAN GET FROM A NOVEL PUBLISHED WAY BACK 2012. I’m super excited for it! I hope they get really good VAs and idc if they’re new or unknown so long as they capture novel!weilan very well. And I was informed that JP audio dramas aren’t like CN ones where there’s an online platform we pay for but they’re more on physical copies they sell and well looks like I’m back to JP shipping world now haha

[NOTE: WILL BE NSFW-ISH]

DRAMA HEADCANONS- well duh first of all that crap ending doesn’t exist hahahaha- weilan is def canon and istg kunlun taught past shen wei how to bj like all that lollipop references esp when they met with all that hair?? kunlun was past shen wei’s first and only lmao - this makes things interesting now bc present shen wei with zhao yunlan would def know the best ways to pleasure that man-child bc he already knew from the past hahahaha- it’s already obvious but while shen wei is reserved and all controlled in public, zhao yunlan always managed to make him snap and eyyy zhao yunlan ain’t complaining with that aggressive hot papapa (thirsty fckr lol)- the entire SID are their adopted children and the “kids” always run to shen wei when zhao yunlan threatens to cut their bonus- but also the “kids” are def way more scared of shen wei aka the infamous black cloaked envoy and runs back to their shameless man-child of a dad bc hey as much as zhao yunlan threatens them, he’s never really cut their bonuses and he’d save them in an instant anytime anywhere despite his teasing (shen wei though? they’d all get legit scolded and punished for bad moves haha he’s def the disciplinarian)- technically, ever since the secret got out between weilan, shen wei had been staying over on the apartment in front of his *coughs* bc 1) someone needs to make sure zhao yunlan doesn’t die of poison and bacteria from his pig pen of a place; and 2) zhao yunlan is there (already canon but let’s make it that he cooks and prepares his stuff everyday)- again, that crap end didn’t happen and they both have a happy ending

NOVEL HEADCANONS- one of my all-time favorite stuff about them is when shen wei embraces his ghost nature and goes all dark on zhao yunlan that he’d sometimes whisper his dark fantasies like “i just want to lock you up” but zhao yunlan is a thirsty fckr and the biggest shen wei apologist so he just goes “das hot babe”- or when they’re in the middle of papapa and shen wei goes “sometimes i just want to eat you up to make you a part of me forever” and zhao yunlan responds with a grin “yeah? you should start with my pretty, pretty eyes” and shen wei just snaps back to his controlled self bc wtf zhao yunlan you’re not supposed to find that hot??? are you okay???- all their SID children (yes they def adopted that ragtag team lmao) has walked in on them doing it at least once - da qing complains the most bc he ends up seeing them the most (”i dont wanna see your dumb ass” “u fat fuq, no one told you to come in - and my ass isn’t dumb, it’s perk! right xiao wei?)- zhao yunlan is so mouthy to his complements to shen wei (he already does in canon but hey let’s amplify it) and everyone in the vicinity esp the SID team wretches whenever he goes “xiao wei! my love, my heart, my soul, my kidney, my toes, my -” “STOP ALREADY”) and shen wei is blushing and asks him to “ah-lan, please don’t be so shameless in public” “so in private, it’s okay?” and eyyy shen wei actually really loves it (spoiler: SID doesn’t)- once, zhao yunlan cuts everyone’s bonus so he can afford this expensive af gift to shen wei (only wang zheng knows but she’s a sweetheart so she only tells sang zan but sang zan accidentally spills to da qing and well chaos ensured after that)- weilan is forever in honeymoon- zhao papa and shennong-bo as canon still doesn’t like shen wei aka their son-in-law and always tries to drag their son away from him “shen wei is the ghost slayer who’s an abomination” “you dont have all the facts” “which are?” *zhao yunlan snuggling to shen wei “i love him”- i actually really like gui mian/ghost face/the twin and i hoped he had a better role slash screen time bc c’mon!!! someone almost the same as shen wei??? all the shenanigans possible there esp since he’s a crazy ass and shen wei doesn’t like him lol and zhao yunlan just has his eyes mooning over his xiao wei- weilan would have so many kinks lmao with zhao yunlan’s shamelessness?? and shen wei’s own 5,000 year thirst and weakness against zhao yunlan?? please they’d have a veeeeery satisfying papapa life and it isn’t new that sometimes when they orgasm, an earthquake or some tsunami happens bc heyyy powerful god/ghost immortal husbands- it’s rare since zhao yunlan’s shameless but there will be times where shen wei does or says something and zhao yunlan is rendered speechless and blushes (lin jing and da qing has some recorded as blackmail material)- I NEED TO STOP HERE BC IM GONNA WORD VOMIT EVEN MORE IF NOT HAHAHAHAHA

#zhenhun #weilan #guardian #shen wei #zhao yunlan #zhtext #anon #answers

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