#well since the song is called trauma i guess that’s why he had to be this shocking

[wildestdreamcatcher]

Monroe Girl

Summary: A look into different periods of Elijah and Becca's relationship

TW: Mentions of alcohol and being drunk, toxic relationships, trauma with relationships, breakups

A/N: This is a long fic with a word count of 2138k

August 1960

I sat in biology listening to the teacher ramble about her life, her expectations for the school year, and some other shit I didn’t really care about. It was the first day of 10th grade, and I was already bored and felt bad. My makeup hadn’t turned out right and I felt like my hair was flat. I looked around the room in boredom, trying to focus on anything but this class, and that’s when I noticed him. He wore ripped jeans, a Harley shirt, and black and white Converse. He had long curly hair and dark skin, he was laughing and smiling while talking to Todd about god knows what. 

I knew who he was: Elijah Matthews. He was one of Andrew’s best friends and he always seemed cool. I had talked to him a few times for partner work in class and he always seemed interesting, like someone I wanted to know more about. There were rumors that he was bad, he didn’t care about people but Andrew wouldn’t surround himself around selfish people. I had a hallway crush on Elijah, but it felt stupid to think we’d be together. I was starting to zone out and stare at him when we turned around. He started to smile at me and I blushed like an idiot. 

Todd didn’t come to school the next day and Elijah invited me to sit with him on the table. We were sitting there whispering about music and actors we liked. He told me his favorite movie was “Rebel Without a Cause”, he told me I looked like Marilyn Monroe and that he thought I had pretty eyes. The teacher started to scold us for talking so much but we didn’t care, he was the only thing making this class interesting. That same day, Elijah and Andrew had decided to sit with Ruby and I at lunch. Ruby looked really excited when Andrew sat with us and he did too, it was obvious they had crushes on each other and it never made sense why they wouldn’t get together. I didn’t really pay attention to them though, I just paid attention to Elijah and tried not to blush when he called me “Monroe Girl”. 

It had almost been a month since this had been happening, but I guess my feelings weren’t one-sided. He had come up to me at the end of the day and asked me if I wanted to go to the drive-in theater with him there was a screening of “Roman Holiday” that he wanted to take me to and he knew that I loved Audrey Hepburn. I said yes, praying to God this was a date and that everything would go well.

December 1960

Elijah and I had been dating for 4 months and it had been as entertaining as I had thought. He liked sneaking out with me so we could hook up and make out in his red Chevy Bel Air, he had a huge collection of vinyls from Bob Dylan, James Brown, Chuck Berry, Frank Sintra, and Aretha Franklin. He liked taking me to movies and getting me gifts, he told me I was the prettiest girl ever. Everything seemed perfect, and I was fucking ecstatic to be with him. 

I was sitting in Elijah’s car after Ruby’s Christmas party. He said I looked pretty in my red mini dress with the white tights and gogo boots. He wanted to give me my Christmas presents since he’d b in New Jersey to visit his brothers. I felt special with the way he was looking at me like nothing else mattered, the Christmas songs playing on the radio, the white snow adding to the wintery landscape. He handed me this white and red bag with a heart-shaped locket, a Lesley Gore vinyl, and a card he wrote saying how happy he was to be with me. I kissed him and everything felt right.

“I love you, Elijah.” I could see how he flinched at those words. It was almost as if he was scared. He just nodded and kissed me, like he was trying to distract me from everything.

Maybe he just wasn’t ready to say it back yet and I guess I would wait until he did. 

March 1961

I was trying not to be pissed Elijah, not tonight. He was upset because his mom had made him leave so she could fuck her boyfriend without him being a bother to her and now he was getting drunk at this party he wanted me to come to. He did this whenever one of his parents would make him leave the house, I guess so he could get his mind off of everything and so he could stay in a warm house with food and drinks. I was watching him in the kitchen, he was supposed to be getting me the coke I wanted seeing as how I had to be the designated driver because he was going to be too drunk to drive. He was standing there talking to some brunette who was batting her lashes at him, laughing at his drunken humor, he was eating it up too!

I could blame his flirting on the beer he was drinking but it wasn’t the first time he had done this. Elijah liked entertaining people, he liked being flirtatious, his ego was bigger than the fucking sun at times, he was overly confident and it was irritating. He didn’t completely see the problem with flirting with other girls but maybe it wasn’t his fault. He had grown up watching his parents having affairs and flirting with other people openly to piss each other off. It was normal in his household so I guess I couldn’t completely blame him.

I managed to drag him back into my bedroom without him falling on top of me. I felt bad for him: he was going to feel like shit in the morning, not only because of the alcohol but because he was going to have to figure out where to stay. His mom liked having her boyfriend over as long as she could and Elijah would just have to pick up the pieces of that. My parents were nice enough to let him stay for a few days but eventually, he would have to go home. 

  He sat on my bed, drinking the water I gave him. I wanted to feel at peace with him especially with the way he was holding me.

“Why were you so pissed at the party, Bec? You were pretty much glaring daggers nto me.” He didn’t sound angry, just confused. I was just going to lie to him. This moment felt too nice and I didn’t want to have this argument, especially since he was starting to sober up. 

“It’s nothing!”

“No, it’s not. Just tell me how you feel! I can’t fix it if I don’t know why your pissed!!” 

A sober Elijah would never push me this hard. He hated arguments, he hated confrontation. It terrified him even if he would never admit that. 

“I’m just mad you were entertaining and flirting with that girl at that party! And honestly, I feel like you shouldn’t even have to ask me why I’m upset because it should be so obvious!” 

I was like word vomit was just coming out. He looked shocked and confused like he didn’t think he was doing anything fucking wrong and it felt infuriating. 

“I was just fucking talking to her! You seem annoyed when I just sit in the corner and don’t do shit at the parties!” 

“You weren’t just talking to her! You were looking at her the same you look at me so what I’m supposed to think when you don’t automatically shoot down girls who are batting your lashes at you or asking for your number?”

 I started crying and I hated it. I didn’t even want to have this argument! I wondered if he thought I was jealous or possessive now. I didn’t want to stop him from being nice, I didn’t want him to stop being social or having friends but it didn’t seem like he was just being nice to her. Elijah didn’t yell: he seemed meeker than normal. He just let me cry and kept apologizing to me.

“Do you love me, Elijah?”

“Of course I do.”

Maybe he did love me. After all: I was the girl whose picture was kept on his nightstand, and whose clothes were on his bedroom floor, he called me his “Monroe Girl”, he let me drive his car and wear his clothes. I was the girl who he wrote songs for. Besides he never did anything like having sex with other girls. He just flirted with them.

October 1962

I wanted to cry right now. Elijah and I had just left this Halloween party and it had ended horribly. We went together as an angel and devil, and now I started to think his devil costume was fitting for tonight. He flirted with another girl, after promising me he would stop. It felt like we had been having this argument for the 2 years we had been dating, and there were only so many times I would let this go. Tears were steaming down my face as I walked into my house while he trailed behind me. I got lucky my parents weren’t home.

“You promised me you would stop this shit but it never fucking ends, now does it?!” 

“I was just being fucking nice to her, Becca!! Why is that hard for you to fucking understand?”

“You always say that! Like I’m just a bitch who doesn’t want you to be happy and socialize! I’m so fucking tired! And you know what’s the worst part of this, Elijah? In the 2 years we’ve been together, you’ve never once told me you loved me!”

“What do you want me to be? I can’t be your fucking prince charming, I can’t be a perfect angel for you! Do you want me to change all my personality for you? And why are you acting like I don’t fucking love you?”

I felt heated and distraught. Elijah made me happy but he also made me so fucking stressed, angry, and devastated and I wondered if this would last another month.

“What am I supposed to think? You’re always acting a fucking fool in front of me, you’re flirting with other girls like I’m not in the same Goddamn room, you’re pushing me away like I don’t even fucking matter! I love you so much, Elijah. I’m in love with you and I want you to feel the same way! I’d marry you if you fucking asked yet you don’t even bother to speak to me unless you’re moaning my name while you’re fucking me!”

I knew that the last part was probably too far but maybe he needed to hear it.

“Look me in the eyes, Elijah! Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, that you’re in love with me. That the words you write in your songs about me are true!” He wrote in his songs that I was his girl, that he couldn’t live without me, and that I meant the fucking world to him!

“I’m not going to lie to you, Becca! I’m not in love with you, I’m not in love with anyone, I don't think anyone is actually in love! It doesn’t fucking exist! Do you think that people like my parents are in love, do you think that marriage is going to work? It doesn’t work out, Rebecca! You’re either gonna spend the rest of your life pretending that what you feel is being ‘in love’ or regretting the rest of your life being married to someone you hate!” 

I felt gutted when he said that. He sounded cold, angry, and I couldn’t even blame it on alcohol because he hadn’t had a fucking drop of anything but coke. 

“Elijah, I am not going to be the one you project your fear of relationships onto! I thought you loved me, I thought I was gonna fucking marry, but you don’t feel the same way and I won’t settle for a man who doesn’t love me like that. Somewhere out there is a man who will love me the way I love him and clearly it’s not you. It’s over, Elijah. I’m done!”

He didn’t even fight, didn’t protest, he just left and told me “I hope you find that man, Becca. I’m sorry it’s not me!”

I cried when he left. I had given away 2 years of my life with this man and now it was all in a little over an hour. I hope I’ll be ok.

@sadlonelyyogurt @blowflygrls @vommitgirl

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

Trey: *Trying to explain Riddle is that way because of his mom*

Me: Give me a minute as I pull up my ‘Trauma Doesn’t Excuse Sh*t Behavior’ PowerPoint.

Say it with me, everyone: an explanation is not an excuse 😊

You know, the other day I was watching one of Ryan George's Pitch Meetings and when Producer Guy asked Writer Guy how the audience would root for the villain of the franchise and the response was "he's handsome" which basically explains most people's reactions to fictional men.

Prepare for incoming rant that has little to do with the ask

This probably might come as a shock because one of the main appeal of twst would be the whole villainous aspect/Disney Villain fanbase but I don't really like villains that much, at least, not romantically. Like don't get me wrong, I think that they're incredible characters and it would be so fun to sit down with one and have a conversation with one. Villain songs are so fun (I was literally singing ‘This Day Aria’ to myself the other day I haven’t heard that song in like a decade) and you can tell that that characters like Scar or Hades or Shere Khan or Jafar or Maleficent are having so much fun being deliciously evil and even the more serious, complex ones like Loki or Frollo are fun to pick apart so yeah I understand the hype. I just always rooted for the heroes and I guess heroic characters have always been more my type.

My mother absolutely loves Erik Destler and is forever salty that Christine chose Raoul (despite my many many attempts at arguing why Raoulstine is the superior couple - smol primary school me could not understand why my mum liked the chandelier dropper and was deeply concerned), my best friend has been in love with Heathcliffe since we were eleven, and my little sister has literally told me that her type of fictional men are the toxic red flags (not exactly word for word but she did explain why she likes bad boys over good boys when I was complaining about how my type (wholesome soft boys) always get sidelined for the arrogant, snarky bad boys - we're also very diametrically opposed on our views of friends to lovers (my s++ tier all time favourite and her loathing) vs enemies to lovers (I can't really stand it - Pride and Prejudice is the only exception - and that's literally all she consumes) so that might also be a reason).

Like, I understand the appeal of a Byronic hero (Mr Darcy has far too much power) - a closed off, broody man that hates everything but you? And will burn down the world to keep you warm? I can respect that there are people who dig that. But their not really for me.

The mild bout of insanity thirteen year old me had where I spent two months attracted to Edward Rochester is an outlier and should not have been counted (though that was during my wattpad phase so...)

But I can admit that I have yet to shake off my feelings for Dr Henry Jekyll, Victor Frankenstein and Dorian Gray (though to be fair, Mr Gabriel John Utterson the lawyer and cinnamon roll artist boy Basil Hallward do own my heart). And yes, Jeremy Jordan did make me question my morality as he did make my feelings for Light Yagami be too positive to be sane for a brief moment (Touta Matsuda is still my man, don't worry). But apart from them, literally all of my faves are what you'd call your traditional, morally upright heroes.

Basically what I'm saying is that my perception might be skewed because I've never had the whole 'villains are cooler' mindset when it came to stories. Yes, I love the villains as characters but I always liked their heroic foils more (goodness is just so attractive to me). You get lots of amazing heroic protagonists that have horribly tragic backstories and they're the ones I always fall for because the idea of being a kind sweetheart despite the world being anything but is just *chef's kiss* that's a kind of strength that's so swoon-worthy.

I guess that's why it's harder for me to look past the characters' actions in twst is because, well, they chose to do everything they did. They made a conscious choice to be terrible, despite understanding the consequences. Riddle may have been brainwashed into becoming a tyrant by his mother but he still admitted that he knew he was being horrible - he understands the concept of morality, of good and bad, and he willingly and deliberately did everything he did.

I suppose this text post I found on Pinterest would explain my point better:

[ruexarchive]

Butch 4 Butch (Touten/Shigadabi)

hey everyone! Sorry i've been gone, lifes been shitty ykyk.

Although I'm not sure what to call this but i thought i'd share it with you guys. I guess i'm annotating songs and shoving shigadabi headcanons in there or something like that, let me know if you guys like this!!

Touya Todoroki x Tenko shimura/ Dabi x Shigaraki

Rating: 16+

Inspiration: Butch 4 Butch by Rio Romeo

Notes: before anyone says anything, yes i'm well aware this song is about a lesbian sings about a woman JUST HEAR ME OUT PLEASE!

warnings: Cussing + sexual references

My sweetheart's piano is rat filled And mine is infested with bugs

sweetheart is a bittersweet name for Tomura since his mother used to call him that all the time. She's the one who encouraged him to learn the piano, but Tomura preferred looking after his bet rat instead. Therefore his paino is filled with the things he loves while Touya's are infested with all the trauma bugs that ich on him day in and day out. The bites they leave behind stand as a symbol of all the hurt bubbling inside of him.

The music we make is unnatural But it sounds just like falling in love

the way Touya and Tomura love is like no other, they aren't lovey-dovey like most couples. They fought like an old couple, constantly bickering during sex because why the fuck not. If you were to see them in public you'd think they'd hate each other.

Even if they would admit it they honestly were head over heels for each other, they would die for each other, they would fucking live for each other. (yes that's a suicide squad reference) It's just people did see that.

This butch This butch This butch This butch He makes me go weak in the knees But I can't let him see me swoon Or else he will think I am weak

they're both closed of to showing their love for each other because they were taught otherwise. Even though Touya teases the shit out of Tomura he never shows Touya his words, his actions effect him, though Touya can always somewhat tell. Touya on the other had he swoons over Tomura 24/7, when his sleeping Touya looks at him with pure admiration in his eyes.

Tomorrow we'll dig through the garbage And we'll fish out all kinds of neat trash And when we go back to my apartment He’ll probably kick my fucking ass

"Digging through the garbage" is Touya's way of letting go of the past and speaking of it. It isn't something he does often and that goes for both Tomura and Touya, they're always so closed of from their emotions. However, when they finally have the courage and the trust it Spills. They discover all this light and new found peace in their hearts which opens them up. It makes it so much easier for them to communicate to each other.

They don't live together though they have frequent visits to each other's apartments. Now and again when Touya pops by Tomura's apartment they play some games, consistently in competition and Tomura always winning. Touya pretends annoyed and upset by this fact but the truth is his never had a problem with it but loves seeing Tomura happy, grinning from ear to ear.

This butch This butch This butch This butch He makes me go weak in the knees But I can't let him see me swoon Or else he will think I am weak

"Butch, having an appearance or other qualities of a type traditionally seen as masculine."

That's exactly what Tenko would describe Touya as, Touya never looked put together. He hardly looked after himself until Tomura showed up in his life and made him care, because Tomura did.

The both of them were a mess, whenever the other did anything they'd fall deeper in love.

While Touya now and again openly expressed his feelings, Tomura was the most closed off between them given his past.

I sing his songs in my garage And make him fall in love with me

Tomura is a huge fan of classical music, which is pretty uncharacteristic of him

Touya, on the other hand, loves punk/alternative music, although since he was a child his father encouraged him to learn the piano even though he had no interest in it.

Because of this fact Touya often plays Tomura's favourite songs on the piano, for what reason Tomura doesn't know. at first, he just thought Touya was being nice but he started to think Touya was trying to tease him each time he played the infamous chores of 'Gymnopédie' by Erik Satie whenever he was around.\

And once we're done The sun is gone We both just sit so nervously I talk real slow And speak real low Hoping he'll lean into me But we just laugh cause What was that We can't take ourselves seriously

This specific day they were in Tomura's apartment for the day, they were watching a show on Netflix making silly comments like they always did.

Tenko was quite focused on the show when Touya turned to him, leaned towards his ear and said the cheesiest thing he'd ever said (even he could admit that).

Tomura looked at him, as Touya slowly leaned in Tomura held in his laugh until they were inches away and he just couldn't take it.

He burst into laughter, Touya slowly laughing along.

This butch This butch This butch This butch He makes me go weak in the knees But I can't let him see me swoon Or else he will think I am sweet

No matter how much they try to hide it, they make each other soft.

Ang guess what? They don't mind. (even though they'd ever admit it).

I hope you guess enjoyed it!

I feel like my writing sucked here but oh well...

[specialagentlokitty]

Saul Silva/Farah x Teen!reader - never lost hope

Hi, do you want to write a part four of never lost hope? It will be great! Thanks. 😊 - Anon 💜

Part four:

A/N: for this part this is the song that R plays :)

Wondering about your room, you were humming to yourself as you tended to some of the plants you had in there and did a quick clean up.

There was a knock on your door and you stopped what you were doing and looked up.

“It’s open!” You called.

The door opened and you watched as Saul stepped in with a smile on his face.

“Are you busy?” He asked.

“No. What’s up?”

He smiled and gestured for you to follow him, so you quickly pulled your boots on and made your way towards the door to follow him.

No matter how much you asked him where you were going he wouldn’t tell you, and he simply just led you down the hallways with a smile on his face.

“Seriously, where we going?”

“I’m not going to tell you.” He chuckled.

“Come on! Please?”

“No.”

You pouted a little bit carried on following him to Farah’s office and he gestured for you to go in and you did.

“Oh perfect timing.” Farah beamed.

“What’s going on?” You asked them.

Saul placed a hand on your shoulder and you both looked over at Farah as she walked behind her desk.

“Well, you told Farah you liked playing guitar.” Saul said.

“So, we got you this.”

Farah pulled out a beautiful white acoustic guitar and you gasped softly, looking between the pair of them and they both nodded their heads and you rushed over.

You carefully took it, a huge smile on your face as you played a few strings and set it down on the table and jumped on her, hugging her tightly.

Farah laughed, hugging you back and you quickly pulled away, running away you jumped on Saul and hugged him as well, and he carefully hugged you back with a soft smile.

“Thank you guys! Hold on let me tune it!”

You ran away and grabbed the guitar again, and sat down on the desk as you messed with the strings, carefully tuning the guitar.

It took a few minutes and you finally nodded to yourself and you sat down on the floor, gesturing for your parents to sit down with you.

“Okay, okay so it’s been a while since I played in front of other people, but I think I can do it.”

Saul and Farah nodded their heads and you took a deep breath, looking for a song you wanted to play and you decided to play one you had been listening to recently and memorising the chords to for when you got back home.

“So this song is called growing sideways, it’s by Noah Kahan, we can listen to the original after if you want. But here we go.”

Farah and Saul listened carefully as you began to sing.

“So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out, On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch. And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground, I said "I'm cured.”

You sang softly, and played the guitar to match the tune of your voice, and they both watched in amazement.

“And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts. Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart. I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them. But it's a start.”

You took a small breath and smiled.

“But I ignore things, and I move sideways. Until I forget what I felt in the first place. At the end of the day I know there are worse ways To stay alive.”

Saul and Farah glanced and each other and they noticed that both of them were recording and they both looked at you again.

“'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy. I'm terrified that I might never have met me. Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty I guess I'll drive. I guess I'll drive.”

Another small breath.

“So I forgot my medication, fell into a manic high. Spent my savings at a Lulu, now I'm suffering in style. Why's pain so damn impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be. Keeps rushing me.”

They could hear the mixture of emotions in your voice as you sang.

“But I ignore things, and I move sideways. Until I forget what I felt in the first place. At the end of the day I know there are worse ways To stay alive.”

A small pause.

“‘Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy. I'm terrified that I might never have met me. Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty I guess I'll drive.”

A longer pause.

“And if all my life was wasted. I don't mind, I'll watch it go. Yeah, it's better to die numb. Than feel it all.”

You glanced at them both before looking back down.

“Oh, if all my time was wasted. I don't mind, I'll watch it go. Yeah, it's better to die numb Than feel it all.”

You sighed a little.

“But I ignore things, and I move sideways. Until I forget what I felt in the first place. At the end of the day Lord knows there are worse ways To stay alive.”

You got a little louder now.

“'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy. I'm terrified that I might never have met me. Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty I guess I'll drive. I guess I'll drive.”

You hit the final chord and you took a deep breath, setting the guitar down as you looked at them and they both set their phones down, clapping.

“That was amazing.” Saul smiled.

“How long did you practice for?” Farah asked you.

“I actually haven’t played that song before.” You laughed lightly.

“Well you could’ve had us fooled. That was beautiful, how long have you been playing for?” Saul asked.

You shrugged a little bit.

“For a good few years, it took a lot of time to get the hang of it. But I like playing, it’s relaxing.”

Farah smiled softly at you.

“Do you think you can play another song?” She asked.

“Of course I can mom.”

You grabbed the guitar and shuffled over so you were sat between them and you began to play another song and they looked down at you smiling.

Farah placed a hand on your back, and Saul placed his hand over hers and you smiled up at them both as you carried on playing the song for them

[fallloverfic]

Solo Leveling Episode 8 Thoughts

And we're back!!! Spoilery thoughts for the anime, novel, and manhwa below:

The system gave Jinwoo a lottery ticket alkdjlaj

He gets emails!!! I am ridiculously happy he gets and checks emails alkdjaldja Or at least text messages/blasts. Me last time: why doesn't he use his email. Now: FINE HE GETS EMAILS.

aldkjalj I'm happy.

It's neat we get to actually see Yoojin approaching Cha Haein. It's nice to see more of the guild corporate warfare.

We get to see Kim Sangshik's family! And his kids get names and ages! Can't imagine why they would give us that :D >.< It feels kind of like the progression of Fullmetal Alchemist in adaptation, where each one made a particular event all the more gut-wrenching.

Baek Yoonho and Choi Jongin's added flirting is everything. I love this addition. Choi Jongin just wants to go on a date with you, Baek Yoonho. Goodness, chill.

Thank you, A-1, for everything, but this shot in particular.

Choi Jongin is amazing this episode. I'm so glad they added these. The emphasis on his relationship with Baek Yoonho is lovely. I was happy the novel has more of them interacting and sad the manhwa kind of removed it. More is appreciated, thank you :3

Lee Joohee's mom sucks. No wonder she doesn't call much, jeez. I feel so bad for her. She's so sidelined in the novel and even though she gets a little more in the manhwa, she was still heavily sidelined for no particular reason (I guess maybe she's really pushy to Sung Jinwoo for no particular reason and he deserves better? Which yeah, okay, I can see why things turn out the way they do). I'm really glad she at least gets more development in the anime.

I like the show focusing more on the relationship between Cha Haein and Choi Jongin. They have a professional relationship. It's just kind of not there in the novel and not even really in the manhwa, either, though it's slightly more emphasized? Ever so slightly. Here they're really reminding us, "yes, they work together, they get along, they communicate, it's not just Choi Jongin being smug", which I appreciate. Cha Haein's extra development in the anime is generally really appreciated.

Choi Jongin has trauma from Jeju T-T Bebe. I love that they added this. So far as I can recall, it's not mentioned in the novel that he went to Jeju in the past at all; that seems to have been added for the anime, and I don't mind the change here. It's fun development. Give me that angst :3

It looks like either Eunseuk sacrificed himself for Min Byunggu and Baek Yoonho to get away or he died for some reason and they had to leave him behind...? T-T Traumatized beans T-T It's really neat how many kind of quiet/unexplained plotlines they're developing here. Really fleshes out the characters very well.

Song Chiyul and Sung Jinwoo's relationship gives me life every time. It's so sweet.

That last hunter who is not Kang Taesik gets named at last! Mr. Kang! Wonder if he'll get a first name.

And yeah, as expected, Sung Jinwoo says yes to Yoo Jinho's request so he can get stronger and get the elixir to help his mom. It makes sense. It's not a bad change for him to say no and then come back to the weirdly empty cafe to say yes now.

That was a good ep :D So glad the show is back!! Also sending well wishes to Taito Ban, the Japanese voice actor for Sung Jinwoo. He had COVID at least as of 13 February 2024, but he was back to work on 19 February 2024, and I don't really think that's enough time to recover... Hope he's doing better. (Also this likely wouldn't have affected Solo Leveling season 1 at all, likely all his work was long since done).

Looking forward to the next ep!

More episode thoughts:

S01E05

S01E06

S01E07

S01E08 (you are here)

S01E09

S01E10

S01E11

S01E12

[bellalalawrites]

witnessing death:

it's been a long time coming *cue taylor swift's opening song for the eras tour* (i still can't move on, it's so magical. and yes, i just converted to become a Swiftie since Midnights released lol)

a heck alot of things had happened for the past few months. I have reached that 1 year mark of my first job (which I constantly vowed to myself that I wanna be here only for 6 months top... but look where we are now *sigh*), I have went to job interviews and failed also, I had my fits again and again when I thought I have been better, I started driving, went to staycation with my best friends, consistently committed to therapy (yay me) and recently... the passing of my beloved one.

not sure whether I have grieved well or I haven't grief at all, or just that I have turn into *real adult* that I didn't cry as much as 4 years ago... but this is definitely a weird thing. I thought I would be sad. I was sad. when I first heard nenek pengsan, the anxiety button is triggered. I haven't seen her in a long time. How should I live if she passed? I'm not ready to say goodbye. she's the only living grandparent I have atm. I'm not married yet, she shouldn't go so fast. I cried and shivered at all of the possible thoughts.

when the whole chaos happened, from the moment I got a call from my cousin and my aunty crying asking my mom to come back home, all I can think of is dejavu. Like how my late Atuk passed. 6am received a call and I looked at how my mom cried - she never cries.

4 years ago was a very dark year. 2019. we got to know my father has stage 1 kidney cancer (i wasnt even sure whether it's malignant or not) and I took care of him for a whole 1 month of MC at home. that was in January. when he recovered, in April... his father (my late paternal grandfather) went into some heart procedure and passed away. we were informed through text message. I cried my balls out not because I was sad - but because I was thinking of how lonely my father is, both of his parents went away too soon.

then somewhere in june or july, my late grandaunt Umi passed. my mother nursed her for few weeks before at the hospital. 2 days before my birthday in October, my beloved cousin Nurul passed away after battling a long dreading sickness. I was devastated because I couldn't attend her funeral and send her away for the last time. Then in december, my late maternal grandfather passed away suddenly. it all happened in a blink of eye.

so when Nenek was lying on the hospital bed because of multiple organ failure due to severe septic shock, I was stunned. how come someone look so healthy a month ago became like this...state? she only looked healthy because of her energy, but she's also been sick for so long. for someone that had uncontrollable diabetes as nenek had, it is actually quite admirable that she can live long. allahuakbar. mostly I was surprised with myself because I didn't cry when others cried. I saw how my aunties and my mom comforted their dying mother. I saw how Nenek's chest waving and lungs cracking as she struggled to breathe. I saw how one by one people coming to her ears reciting prayers for her to be in peace. I saw how they're preparing themselves for the death. I was an observer, then and now.

I wanted her to wake up and see me, but also I wanted her to rest properly. it's sad really. nobody really saw this coming. it was a week before raya.......... and i really thought we could have raya this year. Nenek took her last breath on 3rd Syawal. I sent her away with much regret but also, relief that she's finally resting.

With all of these happening, im not sure how the adults are doing. Its not like I can ask, ma how you are doing? Damn, to be an Asian (or Malay). I believe that I couldnt be any sadder than the adults are. The adults are having it so much worse yet they could wear a pretend mask so maybe that's why I stopped myself from crying I guess? I just hope the adults can grieve as life goes on. I hate to see trauma dumping by gaslighting/guilt-tripping others just because they couldn't grieve well. But then again, what do I know on how to grief... when I myself couldn't get out of it yet...

anyways

Nenek, I'm sorry and I miss you. Very much.

[obsidiancreates]

Serpent Hunt Liveblog

Fucking loving the post-apocalyptic aesthetic of everything. The vibes are great.

BEEBOP AND ROCKSTEADY ARE BACK

OH GOD I REALLY THOUGHT BEEBOP CALLED HIM "BIG ASS" FOR A SECOND

I didn't understand a single word Roacksteady said just then

Ewww mold an cockroaches?

Sheesh BeeBop your THROAT be CAREFUL

And they were comrades...

Never turn into "freak" huh? Hehehe the power of Knowing TMNT

BeeBop. Chill. Quiet down. Alien's hunting you, remember? Oh god his pre-song laugh, fuck is he okay? Is that why he turns into a warthog, he laughs like one squeals?

The new outfits being in the intro is such a fucking lie, dudes, they better come back, no matter how dumb Raph's is

Awwwwww Mikey drew pictures for the wall! Adorable!

Yeah I can't blame you Splinter, you're like. You've had enough trauma for a million lifetimes.

YAY THEY GOT DONNIE MORE CHEMICAL STUFF YESSSSSSS pfffft and Mikey's TV

YAY THEY GOT SPLINTER'S PICTURES

A little cramped, April it's way bigger than your apa- oooooooh you're thing with Casey. What, did it get worse since the last episode? The show needs to drop this.

Oh Splinter misses her so bad...

Out there alone risking losing her humanity? On-on what basis does he think this?

Feral Splinter and Mutated Karai passing each other in the street like that Umbrella Academy Five driving by Viktor meme

WHY- AGAIN WITH THE NINJAS ONLY SHIT LEO APRIL HAS MIND POWERS IF KARAI IS FERAL APRIL CAN HELP CURE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE THE WORST LEADER YOU'RE ONLY 15 SO IT'S FINE BUT GOD USE YOUR BRAINS AND WHY DID NO-ONE ELSE SPEAK UP ABOUT IT EITHER

YEAH LEO WHY YOU GOTTA PENT UP CASEY'S RAGE

Pffffffff they can't help making snake puns, love it.

CAT

Well yeah, Donnie, I'd be more surprised if you didn't pick up trace amounts of mutagen DNA. How do his goggles pick that up from there- MIKEY STOP EATING THE SCALESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

PFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT RAPH IS JUST SO DISAPPINTED LOOKING

F-funky fresh? Better hunter than your brother? Butt-nasty skin? I love these two SLEEPY NAP TIME

TURTLE FACE- HAAAAAA THEY USED MOTHER RUSSIA AS A REPLACEMENT FOR MOTHERFUCKER

"1987 called, it wants it's jumpsuit back!" Now that right there is an excellent meta reference.

Oh they broke BeeBop his noises have become unpleasant- is he dancing away from the shuriken- ROCKSTEADY HAS A FUCKING GATTLING GUN oh a very slow-firing one though they should be fine

Mikey's talking to Karai, interesting

Stop making Michael Jackson noises BeeBop- yeah Donnie agrees with me they're not needed

YES MIKEY OH NO MIKEY

I guess BeeBop just has to make annoying noises or he'll die. I relate to that.

HIS KNUCKLES ARE A HAMMER AND SI- THEY KNOW THE SOVIET UNION WAS DISSOLVED A WHILE BEFORE THIS SHOW, RIGHT?!?!?!?!

OH FUCK HE MOUNCED MIKEY- RAPH HAS THE SICKLE STAMPED ON HIS FOREHEAD

Who're you talkin' to Rahzar?

PFFFFFF DONNIE NINJA RUNNING WITH THE DUMB GOGGLES

YESSSS MIKEY SHOW THEM UP

Wow Karai is slimy I guess

Oh yeah scream her name very loudly with Kraang right outside GOOD PLAN GUYS

YEAH SEE I TOLD YOU NO SHIT THEY SAME IN

YESSSSSSS KARAI SLAUGHTER THEM GIRL

Oh he was talking to Xever earlier

Anddd there she goes- MIKEY WITH THE FAN MOVE FOR HIS CHUCKS YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

WHY IS XEVER RIDING A MOTORCYLCE- OH SO BEEBOP CAN STEAL IT OKAY

I love that Rocksteady likes the motorcycle to- I SWEAR TO GOD HE'S SAYING "BIG ASS"

SPY ROACH SPY ROACH

OH THAT WAS SICK AS HELL THEY APPEARED WITH THE LIGHTNING- Leo baby you're facing the wrong direction

Don't act all upset that she's got a thing around her neck, you locked her in a dungeon. I'll fucking shred you with your own blades.

OH GEE HE DECIDED TO ATTACK INSTEAD OF MAKING A DEAL WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT

OH DAMN LEO'S MAKING DEATH THREATS

OH MIKEY GOT A GOOD HIT ON SHREDDER

PFFFFFFFF HE'S USING HER AS A SHEILD- BEEBOP HAS HIP LASERS?!?!?!?!?! XEVER SAYING BEEBOP TALKS TOO MUCH?!?!?!?!?! WHAT IS THIS

Pfff Xever is on fire with the sass right now

DO NOT SHOUT HER NAME YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DO THAT

OH THIS LEO-SHREDDER RIGH IS FUCKING AESOME

DONNIE HAS THE BO BLADE OUT YES

I guess she's an aquatic snake

RAISED AND CARED FOR AFTER YOU KIDNAPPED HER YOU BITCH

Ahhhh and here comes Warthog and Rhino forms, just like Stockman said he was working on before he was mutated

Like ten years means anything to Shredder

Dear lord this man can hit some high fuckin' notes

GOD THEY MAKE THE MUTATIONS LOOK SO PAINFUL- OH WHAT A WASTE OF MUTAGEN though I guess with the Kraang hookup it doesn't matter

These two should be thankful they still look pretty closeto how they did. If they knew about Snakeweed and Tomithy and Spiderbytes they might be a little more like "Ooof... could've been a lot worse..."

[knowlessman]

okay, if every episode is 20-odd minutes, then I should have about 2 hours and change left of this arc. …I'm gonna end up making it at least 4 aren't I. bnha s6e20-25

"My Villain Academia." "okay class, say hi to Mr Rotten, he'll be subbing in for this one" saxophones start up

I remember hearing about a song from this show called You Say Run. …Was that one of the other openings? …shit, looks like it was and I didn't even notice. plays song I… don't really recognize it? : / Like, it's good, just… generic. Maybe it's been playing throughout the show whenever stuff gets real and I just kind of didn't take notice of it cuz it seems to be an instrumental.

Merry-Go-Round does go pretty hard tho

don't you have hedgehogs to plot against?

Tomura: "I'll burn it all down. The most beautiful horizon you've ever seen!" Toga: "except for Deku, right?" Tomura, prolly already killing her in his mind: "of cooourse"

okay so that weird duck-dog thing controls the puke-teleport quirk ig

"his body gets bigger during combat. he attacks every three hours. he finds shigaraki no matter where he hides" okay so, you get a million dollars, but there's this giant snail…

"a voice changer?" I mean, the principal of UA is a capybara or whatnot, why couldn't Twice's contact be a chipmunk?

Tomura: "You're right, Meta Liberation Army, I can't beat you." pointing over his shoulder at All for One's number one fan "But he can."

ah, it's not the little red book of commulism. it's the little red book of libertarianism.

buh? oh right, I forgot about Captain A-Pose 'XD guess it makes sense that a guy who looks so much like Mr Incredible would be a libertarian. : /

"they won't release the nomus. you don't have any; the last ones you had were weak; and you tried to get the last one you released back." Mr Green here making lots of assumptions. eh, or maybe he's just saying stuff hoping the hostage will accidentally tell him something

(toga's villain origin) so, yeah, more or less what you'd expect

oh, yeah, I guess we have seen this Giran guy before. dint recognize him without his glasses and cigarette

"I've been trying not to get hurt because I was worried that I was a clone!" huh. twice dun oops'd himself into a breakthrough. good for him, I guess? -- "so as I pray… Unlimited Shadow Clone Works" -- "what about your trauma?" "love and courage fixed everything!" 'XD love, courage, and crucially, the opponent accidentally unlocking your power because he didn't fully understand why you weren't using it

oh yeah, and Spinner's here too. completely forgot about him. …and about whether he even has a quirk.

♪ they were looking kind of dumb with their fingers and their thumbs in the shape of an L on their foreheads… ♪ (been thinking this since the first time Mr Green did it)

"show the world that everyone is a hero, and no one is!" ohai syndrome, you got a very different gameplan this time around. heck, OG syndrome thought he was a commulist.

"I'm sure he will touch the tower. It's what I would do." …Twice's clones of other people can not only think, but know themselves well enough to predict what their originators will do. Twice makes smart zombies, like in Return of the Living Dead. Kinda hated that movie tbph; the zombies were OP. …Twice is OP, but in the cool way where you can still write a story around him. -- This also means that Twice is even more of a horror story than I thought; not only did he think he might be a clone, but the clones that he does make are entire people. It's like that one arc of Schlock Mercenary. … : / Or Mr Meeseeks I guess.

somebody skipped… uh, head day? okay, not so sure about that one tbh

-- yeah this… okay no I did forget his name completely. Mr Green, then, has been reminding me of Mosquito from Soul Eater with the suit and the limb embiggening -- and the nose, come to think of it

"that means you have big guts!"

"re-destro! it's coming your way!" 'XD I completely forgot about godzilla. on the one hand, it's starting to look like they won't need him, but on the other, they also might be able to handle him now, since the Liberation Army keep accidentally powering them up

full pants? and they're PINSTRIPED? dude, Bruce Banner and Ben Grimm are BOTH laughing at your fit

(tenko villain origin) …well I guess this is easier to understand than Stain's gibberish, at least. oh joy, and there's a part 2. part 1 had him killing his dog, let's see if this gets darker than that

aye, bystander effect.

the sheer… accidental appropriateness of that episode being followed up by the OP coming in with "whoa, whoa, it's alright, everything will be alright" 'XD

(pajama sam's the new president of liberty city) …yup. absolutes about freedom tend to just become the freedom to oppress. the strong/rich get more freedom than anyone else, which in practice means they're the only ones who get any at all. -- "these nine people are my lieutenants. other than that, we do what we want!" no rules, but there's a chain of command, but no rules. -- also hang on, I thought Tomura said he'd split up the League after that fight during his epiphany? he said "after this, the rest of the League can do what they want"?

"Feel Good Inc"? Feel Good Inc? "Now watch me as I navigate, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha"

I must be hella shallow, Laserguts can turn his lasers into a sword now and I'm like "okay, maybe I could get to like him" 'XD yeah tho, gawd this random feelgood stuff with the UA kids is needed after all that heavy shit

"I never thought I'd be able to talk… normally? With Kacchan" Have better goals Deku, jesus. …The whole entire rest of this mess, well okay most of it, is stuff that more or less makes sense. Why is Bakugo? WHY is he?

"Tsukauchi wants you to postpone your meeting with Stain" !!!??? I thought the fucker was dead! …Gawddammit, I didn't want another chance to attempt parsing whatevertf his whole deal was. 'XD

"We all have an expeditionary assignment on the same day?" is it another tournament arc

…exactly. four. hours. maybe like ten minutes short of it. …well, que sera or whatever.

[whityoungfan]

Since I'm on a hyperfixation let me just say that Vulture Culture can be a good song for Tomoya if you think about it

"Can I be part of the problem or part of the blame?"

Could point to Tomoya somehow making 90% of the cast offended in some way, aka he was the problem.

"So self-centered, never in vain"

Pretty straight forward. We all know our boy is self-centered (in public)

"Can I be king of the castle if I'm out of the gate?"

All I think about is Tomoya calling Akira princess and, well, if they do get together.. he's technically king.

"Like a noose around your neck

Got a guilty conscience"

Tomoya being guilty of literally anything accidentally insulting everyone he sees, or could be a hint to his trauma (and if he indeed either 1. Had to kill someone or 2. A friend died from it) he would most likely be guilty of what he caused/thinks he caused. Survivors Guilt is crazy guys.

"We live and die in a vulture culture

We crucify anyone we hunger"

About the killing game, and how everyone will eventually devour each other, like some vultures to survive, hence, the song name; Vulture Culture

"Gemini and a broken brother"

Referring to the Mortia twins, "a broken brother" can also refer to Tomoya being broken on the inside or a secret third brother/friend.

"We live and die, my friend"

Supporting the theory that he saw his friend die, or about the killing game

"All caught up in the human disgrace"

Possibly referring to the fight with Yumeo,

"Tremor, tremor celebrity cult"

Tomoya mentioned that he was famous and it literally states he is and, let's be honest we can infer many people worship him as he is an 'Angel of Tokyo'

(Skipping repeated lines)

"Well, I guess I made my bed

Now I gotta lie in it

Like a suicidal kiss

I got a guilty conscience"

Putting this altogether, can be referring to how Tomoya accidentally keeps offending people, and specifically with Yumeo, and how he has to lie in the bed he made with the negative interaction he had with Yumeo.

AND YES I DID USE LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE DAMN LINE THAYS HOW CONVINCED I QM THIS FITS TOMOYA

WHY DOES THAT SONG FIT SO WELL

[cheese-water]

This is going to be chronological order OG only chronicle o tweets on Twitter or x or whatever the heck is up w/ that.

It is set in 1900s ish july. It mentions a ‘She’ im assuming is a therapist of some sort. The writer most likely is mentally ill or something and is told to write thoughts down to help. 

Bro has trauma wtf when did this happen?? Glances, phrases, remarks, notes. Do not understand situation is better shown than told probably some type of trauma honestly. Family and dog: you know they are already fucking dead though, come on you know ain’t no way they survive this. Will not forget bad things bad things probably life changing is worst way possible or something.

J maybe therapist?? Then bizarre dream tf is up with this kids mind tho-?? AND IT MEANS CYCLE?? like timeloop cycle, history repeating cycle, which we talking about??

Oh yeah shitty manager. I’ve been analyzing these and I’ve read that at least 20 times. 20 times of a fictional character complaining about their fictional boss tf is my life?

Spoopi dream and oh hey same hall and doors each time and the other dream meant cycle that’s just lovely!1!!1 

The XXXX might be Mary and Mary might be the actual expert/therapist person? It implies Mary is the one who suggested person to write(?)

“Why can’t I be in control of everything” DAMN WRITER OK RELATABLE K THATS FINE OK also please throw the vcr out the window especially if it’s more than a 1 story building, please.

Happy birthday :DD ayyy fucked ver of happy birthday that’s cooool and we trust J :] oh yeah shit work place for like the 5th time dear god

ok therory also summarize things:

Writer(which is going to be referred to as 0), most likely (knowing Ranboo) is traumatized, and is getting some form of therapy. His therapist (I HOPE IS) Mary suggested he should write his thought down to help. At first 0 hated it, but overtime it did help a lot. A friend J told 0 to write is absolutely obscure dreams down. 0 does as 0 trusts J quite a bit even lets J read the journal entries. J is into supernatural and “crazy” things (same) and tells 0 that 0(bro idk pronouns im sorry) is reliving things that 0 might have repressed or something possibly trauma. 0 works at a very bad place with a horrible manager. 2 more spooky dreams later and oh, 0 still complaining about job. Creepy birthday song and wow I’m done with thing more than a month long project. this was so long and a lot of stuff was very cut down omg I’m tired I’m going to sleep buh bye

-☁︎🪷

P.S hi started school uh yeah hope your doing well :]

We love J for actually listening to 0’s dreams. They’re a real one fr. That being said, knowing Ranboo, I’m fully expecting J to be the one who traumatized and/or killed 0’s family in the end. Another Hetch situation y’know? Really though, what friend would look at your dream journal and say, "Oh yeah, that’s prolly some repressed trauma for you," like? I’ve had my fair share of strange dreams, but my immediate thoughts don’t go to deep-rooted trauma (I wouldn’t know it’s literally repressed, I guess?).

*intermission for me to read the tweets since I found a good twit front end on github a few weeks back B)*

Oh… oh no. Here we go again. If I had a nickel for every time Ranboo created a character who had to write their thoughts in a journal to cope with their repressed traumas and memory issues, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. No, but really, this post solidified it for me:

The obvious is, "I dont think ill be forgetting those." Clearly, this is an important list of things to remember, and judging by the constant work reminders, Zero (I have to give them some sort of name) uses this journal as a way to help/cope with their forgetfulness and it’s been working so far.

What’s listed in the Good Things list is strange. Most notably the second one, "My dog." ???? My dog????? Who the hell in a supposedly personal journal doesn’t call their dog by their name? If it’s for the reader's sake, that doesn’t make sense either. It could’ve been a classic dog name (à la Spot, Rover, etc.) or, even better, have the name written after my dog: My dog Lola or My dog Winston. I may be overthinking this, but it’s such a strange detail to include with the introduction of Zero’s memory issues in the exact same post. Because all that implies is that Zero’s memory has already been degrading, with or without their knowledge.

Also, I'm not sure how or why we were even getting chronicle 0 in the first place. Is it like some sort of time paradox relating to Zero’s dreams? My best theory is that someone in 2023 (right now) found the journal and is literally chronicling/recording it online for others. This would explain the redacted words in the tweets, since they wouldn’t be if they were posted by Zero's thoughts themselves. And it gives new meaning to the random "?" posts. Maybe the page scanner couldn’t translate what was written down? Or was there nothing written there at all?

All I’m sure of is that whatever was on those "?" pages, those are the pages Jay has been writing on. Which quick aside, WTF JAY!? Why the hell are you writing in someone else’s therapy journal when you know they have memory problems? Who do you think Zero will assume wrote that down? Their nameless dog? NO ZERO MUST OF CAUSE ITS THEIRS. I don’t care if Zero trusts you because you're their childhood best friend or partner or whatever, but to me, you’re extremely misguided at best and suspicious and manipulative at worst. Anyway, assuming the "?" pages are Jay's, either their handwriting is less legible than Zero’s (or at least visually distinct enough that whoever’s tweeting these out can tell the difference from other pages or entries), or they’re some sort of drawing. Of what I’m not sure.

But back to the why: Someone found Zero’s journal and began posting pages of it because either they find it fascinating and unnerving (the reasonable solution) or (the flimsier, weirder solution) the account is the beginnings of an autobiographical journal-book about Zero if they actually did or experienced something notable in their future (for example, the style of Anne Frank’s journals). Imagine Showfall, or *insert Gen 0 capitalistic conglomerate here* publishing "The Story of Chronicle 0: How The Founder Found Their Way." It would be if Disney got ahold of Walt’s childhood diaries and sold them as a collector’s item. It’s so strange and wrong to do, but we all know it’d make bank. Plus, it feeds into the intrusive/changing perception theme from Gen 1 if Ranboo wants to continue that thread. Once again, grain of salt, spitballing, yadda yadda, this is getting interesting, and I haven’t even touched the dreams yet lmao.

[starlightfantasy]

Hi there! Hope you had an awesome weekend!

First off I want to ask how you're doing! I know Wonho enlisting has been a bit rough for me, so I just wanted to check in! Him going away definitely hit harder than I thought it would!

Also Libido by Onlyoneof! SO GOOD! I love that song, the choreo/stages, and the MV so much. It's definitely one of my favorites, as well! Others that come to mind are Genie - Girls' Generation, Shangri-La - Vixx, Lilac - IU, and Open Mind - Wonho

It's awesome that you support lesser known groups! I feel like new groups are popping up every other day, it can be hard for me to keep track, but yes! SO many groups that don't have wins absolutely deserve them.

What are some less famous groups you like right now?

Eye on You is SOOOOO good! Great choice for a favorite video. The black and white scenes are some of my faves in his videos! And the first special performance video he did with the blindfold... Wonho keeps us well fed lol I also prefer him with dark hair! Not gonna lie, I wasn't a huge fan of when he went so blonde it almost looked yellow? And speaking of hair... I'm a bit sad we didn't get a picture of him bald lol Totally respect his privacy, but it's just weird that he's gone now!

Alligator!!! The water scenes are ICONIC. The looks, the choreo, everything about Alligator is amazing!

Also I don't mind you being chatty! I can be a bit chatty, too! I love talking to new people during secret santas, it's really fun!

And I'll leave you with another question, just for fun!

What's a concept you'd like to see from Monsta X and Wonho (when he gets back) going forward. Is there anything they haven't done you'd like to see from them?

Oh, my beautiful secret Santa Friend, you are a blessing. I am sorry it took me so long to answer this, but I guess it’s because I am not doing well since Wonho left. Ok, I am being dramatic, but I miss him a lot. His messages, his selfies, he was constantly in contact and now he didn't even say goodbye, I need a pic of his shaved head to continue living!!!

Anyways I do understand his reasons and I am sure he will reach soon and he will not let us starve, I know this is something he has to and wants to do as a S Korean citizen and I hope he can rest and have  a good time while doing his duty. I will be waiting for him, loving him with the same intensity as before.

Actually see the OOO video for Libido it’s what made me stan them (and then Love left and it was trauma time all over again) i love the video, the colours, the music, the acting, I normally hate love triangles, but this one is delicious!!!

All the videos you mention are great and of course shangri-la is a classic and open mind was a cultural reset, he really made an impact with his comeback and I love him so much for that!

Do you know how I keep up with kpop releases? There’s a youtube channel called K-ville and they make videos with new music every week! It is great.

Some underrated groups I like… TAN, Omega X (I wish them all the love they deserve, I will support them just for how brave they were speaking out about their company’s abuse) I love the concept of second chance idols, they deserve to follow their dreams, and they are more manly and mature (I love pretty young faces, but I do prefer manly idols closer to my age) CIX, victon, (I am not sure how popular they are, but they don’t belong to the big 4 companies) MCND, golden child, highlight (but i guess they are famous) pentagon, I mean I like my noise music but I also love good vocals…. 

Anyways… from the Mx concepts…. I do prefer dark concepts, that’s why I was attracted to vixx, the first video I saw from them was “voodoo doll” and I was blown away! I guess I would like a supernatural concept, as in werewolves or vampires! I have a thing for werewolves. I thought eye on you was gonna be about that and we did get a few hints, but not enough to satisfy me!

I have some questions for you!!! Because I am having a lot of fun and I would love to continue our conversations even after the Secret Santa is over

What’s your favorite Monsta x era? And why

And your favourite photo shoot from Monsta X?

Also what are your hobbies? Favorite movie? Favorite food? Favorite season? Tea or coffe? hehehe

Also, a thing you should know about me is that I will make a lot of spelling mistakes and I can always find the perfect meme for the situation.

I made this for you

have a great day!

[yesokaythatsfine69]

Moments in-between

Description: HC's of aot characters that are all kinda madly in love with y/n, if only just in different ways. Aspects of Modern au.

Character(s): Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Marco, Sasha, Connie, Historia, Ymir, Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Levi, Erwin, Hanje

POV: 2nd, 3rd

Warning(s):

A/n: I know I said that I was ending my aot works but after the last episode's intense trauma I need some home groan therapy. Also please don't make fun of me for misspelling both Bertolt and Hange's names continually. Enjoy

Word Count: x

Song: lmao listen to everywhere I go by Hollywood undead.

*none of the gifs used are mine, full credit goes to the maker.

Y/n invites the AOT gang to a party.

You looked around for your friends, having foolish lost track of the chaotic group after you paused to hang your coat up. You warned them all to remain close, these college parties tended to get a little wild for your liking, but of course, they were all too stubborn.

"Hey you! I already said that we weren't playing Lady Gaga here!" Your ears prickled, and you turned, seeing Hanje at the DJ's box. You quirked a brow but made a mental note of where she was for later.

You moved on, searching for the rest of your friends. You opened the door to a bathroom, finding several girls hunched over, puking into the toilet, sink, and tub. Erwin was standing in the midst of the chaos, holding their hair as they drunkenly emptied their guts.

"Erwin? We've been here five minutes!" Erwin looked up at your newfound appearance. "Y/n! Quick, I think something in their drinks made them sick, you need to warn the other people at this party!" You met his blue eyes, "What?" He made a motion with his right hand, accidentally tugging on a girl's hair and bobbing her head. "Hey!" She squeaked before puking again. "Hurry, Y/l/n! They may not have much time left."

You rolled your eyes. "Erwin, they're drunk, not suffering from food poisoning." He looked down at the girls. "Really?" You sighed.

Later, you came upon Levi, who had been keeping a practiced eye on Hanje and other various members of your friend group. He had designated himself the designated driver of the group, which was admirable but you made sure not too drink too much either, knowing that there was no way Levi could possibly deal with all of you being wasted.

Reiner had challenged Annie to a drinking game, and was in the midst of losing miserably, whilst Bertholdt silently cleaned up the mess that Reiner and Annie created with their squashed beer cans.

You also found ymir and Historia cheerfully dancing to Poker face, and you marveled at the way the two seemed to be in their own world. You smiled, at the red that dusted ymir's cheeks and at Historia's hand on her cheek. A crash from the kitchen behind you caused you to cringe and jump slightly, before you rushed in.

Not unsurprisingly you found Connie and Sasha at the epicenter of the chaos. Neither were drunk but both were still idiots. A broken dish and what had been cheese fries was on the floor at their feet. "Hey! What'd I say about getting into their food?" You pointed threateningly at the duo. "If we do it don't get caught?" Sasha had a fry in her mouth and big eyes. "Clean this up, I'll go get Levi." "Oh, no don't get Levi!" Connie whined, waving his hands dramatically. "I'm getting him!"

Marco and Armin had found a old monopoly game and had sat down to play it in the dinning room of the house. You found it especially funny at the amount of girls the two had unwittingly attracted, who sat down to play with them.

"Y/n!" You perked up and turned, careful to not spill your drink. Jean smiled at you, his eyes the tiniest bit lidded. "Care for a dance?" You had actually been expecting this, since Jean's flirtiness doubled with the mix of alcohol. "You look hot, y/n!" He gently wrapped his hands around you as the two of you slid onto the dance floor. You laughed, enjoying Jean's wild dance moves. Finally he popped into a Russian dig, "hype me up best friend!" He called, and you whooped until he ran right into Eren.

"You drunk idiot! Hello, Y/n!" Eren glared at Jean, but smiled at you. "Look at this drink I made! It was clear but now it's brown!" Before you could respond, Jean hopped up. "y/n doesn't care about your shit drink!" You sighed as the two began arguing, which slowly developed into a tense dance battle between the two men.

Mikasa had been with Eren, you guessed most likely protectively watching over him. She watched with you, before you smirked and outstretched your hand. Mikasa took it, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

In the soft glow of a living room, you and Mikasa danced together to an old 80's tune, the rest of your friends giving elsewhere. It was a nice party.

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Y/n wears a skimpy outfit

You smiled at yourself in the mirror, tugging gently on your new top. Oftentimes you found it hard to truly appreciate your body, but the corseted top made you feel like a definite hot girl. You wore long black shoes, tight leather pants, dark jewelry. You just looked ready to step on some bitches.

You exited your room, and grabbed your purse, ready to head out with your girls. Eren was sitting on your coach, playing some video game. "Hey we'll be heading out soon so I left some numbers to order pizza for when you get hungry." You turned, digging in your purse for your keys. "Y/n, I'm not a child! I can take care of- holy shit, y/n!" You turned, Eren had dropped his controller, no longer focused on his game. "You can't go out like that! There are men out there!" You smiled and pulled out ur taser, flashing it a couple times. "I know."

Mikasa exited her room from the same hall, entering the living room. "Y/n, you look nice." You smiled and put your taser up. "thanks Mikasa!" "Wait, Mikasa you're going out too?" Eren stood up. "it's girls night out, Eren." You rolled your eyes. "but I wanna go too!" Mikasa opened her mouth but you beat her to it. "No."

The front door opened and Armin entered, his blonde hair flittering in his eyes. "Hey; Eren, Mikasa, and..." A blush erupted onto his cheeks. "Y/n!" His blues casted panicked glances around the room as if he wasn't sure he should make direct eye contact with you.

Eren pointed to his flustered friend. "See!" Again you rolled your eyes. "You look v-very nice, y/n." Armin mumbled before he sat down. "Thanks, sweetie." Armin's face reddened.

Suddenly the front door to the apartment flung open, allowing Jean, Marco, and Connie to enter. They were in the midst of conversation, laughing at a joke Connie had said. "Hey bitch-" Jean's words caught somewhere in the back of his throat as he saw you. His cheeks erupted into fire and he stopped, causing Connie and Marco to slam into him. "Hey!" Connie looked past Jean's frozen position, and smiled knowingly. "Bark, Bark, Bark! Y/n you look a sexy grim reaper!" Jean blinked as you laughed. Connie slid past Jean and made his way to the kitchen, giving the others a greeting as he did so.

Marco smiled at your outfit. "You look so pretty y/n!" Your cheeks were beginning to hurt from happiness and you wondered if you should wear this stuff more often and not just in your dreams. Jean seemed to snap out of it. "You...you...nice, y/n." He managed to get out, not right before Eren made fun of his stuttering.

Sasha exited her room, and to the delight of everyone gave a twirl in her little dress. "y/n! You look very nice!" She may or not have said whilst grabbing your boob. Historia admitted to helping you pick out the fit, and ymir made everyone thank her for her service.

"you should wear this more often, y/n. Or at least less more often." Annie nudged you from behind. You were amazed at her sauveness but also the blush that dusted the tips of her ears.

Reiner and Bertholdt came through the fire escape (because Reiner has been on a "parkour!" Kick recently. But Reiner made sure to call you hot, (effectively pissing off both Jean and Eren.) And Bertholdt simply blushed, quickly agreeing with Reiner.

Finally Hanje, Erwin, and Levi arrived, Levi bringing leftovers from his tea shop. Hanje had squealed and called you "hot!" Erwin was certain you were only wearing a bra and refused to look at you, whilst Levi couldn't take his eyes off of you, but said nothing all the same.

"Well ladies, I hope you all are ready!" Hanje smirked. "Who's riding with me?"

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Y/n gets a tattoo

"So...what do you think?" You stood in front of Hanje, Annie, and Ymir, your shirt raised to your underboob. Hanje clapped excitedly. "It looks great, y/n!" "I like the view." Annie said dryly. Ymir nodded. "yeah it's nice, just don't show Historia."

"Don't show me what?" Historia entered the living room via the kitchen. Immediately her eyes found your tattoo, and she smiled. "lovely!"

The others found the tattoo under different circumstances however.

Sasha had known first, since she went with you to get it originally, having helped you pick out the design. By that I mean, she mainly just agreed with whatever you said but helped you out none the less. Mikasa found out before you were training together, (she thought it looked cool).

Eren found out because he walked in on you in the shower. "Shit! Wait is that a tattoo!?" He would've told you he liked it had you not kicked the shit out of him and lectured him about coming over to your apartment constantly, blah, blah, blah.

Armin found out because you showed him, (and he promptly died a bit) but he also really liked it and you invited him to come get another one with you some time. Maybe, just maybe you had a weak spot for the blonde.

Jean and Connie found out because you sent Marco a snap of it, and they looked at it from over his shoulder. Connie laughed at Jean's sharp in take of breathe and Jean tackled Connie. Meanwhile as they fought in the background Marco sent you a video snap of his response.

Reiner found out via a training session, much like Mikasa. "Why, y/n I never knew what a sly devil you could be!"

Bertholdt knew because Reiner made sure to describe it to him in great detail, knowing that the tall fellow would get flustered.

Erwin was probably told at some point but forgot so anytime he sees in you in a bikini or something skimpy he gets his mind blown.

Levi found out because, you may or may not have sent him a snap (with much different intentions then the one you had sent Marco.) Levi thought it was badass, though.

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Y/n kisses the AOT gang

Yes, you had kissed each member of the gang. For any of these bitches, they could get it, let's be real.

You had given Eren forehead kisses many a time between he and you. This had been pretty random but regardless, it was something the two of you did often.

You often kissed Armin on the cheek, pinching them together whilst you smushed his face and pulled him in for hugs. Really, you loved Armin.

You kissed Jean on several occasions, partially because you weren't one to refuse an offer from an attractive man and also it was the quickest way to fluster the boy. He has the king of talking the talk but never actually walking the walk.

You give Marco and Connie platonic cheek kisses everytime you see each other. They also give you cheek kisses back. Marco also gives hugs!

You blow Reiner kisses all the time because that's exactly what your friendship is.

You give Bertholdt sweet little cheek kisses and he's always a blushing mess afterwards.

You give Erwin goodbye kisses and he always returns them.

You've made out with Levi. His tongue's been in your mouth. Yes, you kiss.

You give Hanje cheek kisses all the time. You seriously love this woman.

You've made out with Annie too. You also give her kisses on her neck just to hear her giggle.

You and ymir don't usually kiss, but you and Historia kiss each other's cheek.

You've kissed Sasha smack on the lips before, and you two cuddle all da time.

You give Mikasa forehead kisses because touch isn't necessarily her love language but you know when she needs it.

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Y/n gets into a fight

You don't get in trouble, like ever. You're reliable, kind, level headed. However sometimes you come across a Titan of an issue and need your friends to rally behind you.

Historia will get into an argument for you, but she isn't scary at all, nor is she very powerful when it comes to muscle might.

Mikasa will kill a bitch for you. Straight up. She may not always show it outright but she loves you.

Ymir would video tape the ass whooping of whoever dares to cross you until they tried to come after Historia. Then she's seeing red.

Annie would laugh at whoever is trying to fight you. She won't step into the fray directly until you need her though, she trusts you do take care of it.

Eren doesn't care if they haven't even thrown a punch if they even say a damn thing that he doesn't feel you deserve he will start the fight. He has no self control. He's an aries.

Jean will also fight for you. He'd be a hundred percent more levelheaded about the problem but he won't let you take shit.

Connie will at first be confused and then pull his signature "bruh" face. He'll be the one that takes the phone from Ymir after Historia gets involved.

Sasha will try to protect you the best she can. She doesn't want you hurt so she'll probably grab a spoon as a weapon and charge.

Reiner is just trying to vibe and then suddenly he's pulled into an all out war. Sigh. But at least it's for you.

Hange will find this all very funny, but she'll help out in between snorts.

Erwin will just stand there looking at your antagonist dead in the eye with the slightest raise of his brow. That's the end of it all.

Armin will go all manipulative bestie on however is bothering you.

Levi merely get in between you. He may be short but nothing scare him and he's literally willing to kick some ass if need be.

Bertolt would just take you somewhere else. Yes he's super annoyed and upset at this person, but he has better things to do with his time.

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Y/n gets a dog

To be honest, you'd wanted a pet for a long long time. Living closely with seven other women- and essentially nine men, had made that prospect rather slim, until one day approximately four months ago when you dropped the question.

The response was rather positive, so you carefully crafted a schedule and supplies.

The little puppy had been the runt of the litter, but that didn't bother you one bit (your not so secret infatuation of a certain 5'2" raven haired fellow solidified that.)

You were the first person to arrive home that day, and when you did you hurried to get the house puppified.

Bertolt came by early that day and was the first to see the puppy. At first he wasn't so sure about the little rascal. It seemed so hyper, a little too hyper, actually. But then, it licked him and he fell in love. He actually completely forgot you were even there he was so enthralled.

Levi came by with takeout, and much like Bertolt he wasn't sure about this creature. He'd always been more of a cat person, but even then he wasn't exactly an animal person. Just too messy. But for your sake he pat the pup on the head. (And to both your and bertolt's shock the puppy began to follow Levi around.

Armin loved the puppy. He immediately scooped it up and sang to it. You had never seen the blonde so happy as he cooed over the little Beasty. He raised it up into the air and swung it until Levi yelled at him for waving the animal over the takeout.

Erwin seemed a bit indifferent to the dog, almost as if the animal had just always been there. He did make sure however to share his food with it.

Hange tickled the poor animal savagely, vowing to buy it a sweater for the winter. You told them they didn't have to, but they refused. "What's a godparent for?"

Sasha vowed to help feed it and promised it that she would only buy it the best food possible.

Marco adored the tiny thing. "have you named him yet?" He had asked while lovingly scratching behind it's ears. "he looks like a sugar...or a Coco?"

Connie immediately sat down and started playing with newly named Sugar. "Connie! You're getting Sugar too riled up." Levi warned, but right then Connie was attacked by the tiny pup, and despite the small size of the dog the sheer force almost knocked Connie over. "Tch, idiot."

Jean was the first to take Sugar for a walk and you joined him. Together the two of you laughed at how cute Sugar looked as he bounced around in the grass. You made sure to have Jean clean up after him though, don't worry.

Sugar immediately fell asleep on Eren who threatened anyone that would dare touch or wake up him. Eren was extremely content with this little ball of joy.

Annie wasn't really excited for the puppy but she did promise to train Sugar when it was time, so there's that.

Ymir tried to act similar to Annie but Ymir is a total dog person, and after a bit she scoped up Sugar and put the sleeping pup on her own lap.

Mikasa was just happy everyone else seemed happy. She did sit by ymir though so she could get a few good pats in.

Later that night Historia grabbed the puppy and took him into her room, which she shared with Ymir. Really this puppy wasn't yours, it was everyone's.

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The AOT gang goes to a concert

You pulled into Eren's hand practically dragging him through the crowd. "That's the last time I'm letting you lead us anywhere, Eren!" He groaned behind you. "I thought the sign said Row one, it was an honest mistake!" You shot him a dangerous glare. "It was a sign for the bathroom!"

Finally you met up with your friends, who were all already comfortably seated, waiting for the concert to begin. "Hey guys sorry we're late, we had some...sign trouble."

You and Eren found your seats, "Good news is if anyone wants to know where the bathrooms are.." you elbowed your brunette friend.

When the concert began, it was immediately pretty damn hype. You and Jean clasped hands and danced together, shouting out the lyrics to the first song at the top of your lungs.

At the second song and Sasha took orders for food, and grabbed some grub. As you waited in the unnecessarily long line you pulled her into a hug and took a quick picture.

When you returned you stood by Reiner, but some big headed bastard had moved in front of your spot. So you climbed into Reiner's shoulders and screamed at the stage from your pretty impressive view.

Connie dared you to throw your bra on stage, but didn't actually think you'd do it. His face, and literally everyone around you, was priceless. In fact, you got a round of applause.

Hanje was video tapping about 90% of it, but they often drapped a hand around your shoulders and pulled you into the video, the two of you singing along to the musicians voice.

You and Levi held hands when a soft song came on, him pulling you into his chest at just the right note. You dipped your head into the chin, enjoying the soft thud of his heartbeat against the deep bass of the speakers. It was nice.

You face timed Bertolt, who unfortunately couldn't attend because he had "work". He enjoyed the concert better from that angle anyways.

You and Historia took a ton of pictures! So many! Some weren't even in focus! But you two didn't care!

Marco grabbed his phone light every chance he got and kept accidentally flashing it in people's eyes. He got you like seven times.

Erwin kept complaining that it was too loud, but you literally saw him full on do the sprinkler because he was vibing so hard.

You and Mikasa went to the bathroom together, and you forced her to take a picture with you. You also got lost on the way back but Mikasa helped guide you back. What would you do without her?

When you returned you ran into ymir and Historia dancing together, laughing and giggling. Damn them and their happiness.

After the show you and Armin went and met the people you watched and got a picture with them. They kept referring to Armin as your boyfriend so in the photo he looks like a tomato. He swore you to secrecy.

On the way back to the apartment you switched riders with Hanje so that she could take Eren home and you could just take Annie back to the apartment you shared. The whole way back you just let loose in the car. Annie could be very loud when with people she trusts entirely.

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Y/n flirts with the AOT gang

Unfortunately for you y/n you're not the sad drunk, clumsy drunk, dancer drunk, you're the flirty drunk. I guess there are worse things, though. These are the times when drunk you has flirted with your friends and their reactions.

One time you got blasted at a work party and Eren had to come drive you home. He was shocked at first, but he truly does care about you and is also the most oblivious person ever so he was just like "okay."

Annie was super confused at first, but she actually really liked the attention. She'd never admit that to you though. So she just kinda bumped shoulders with you and almost knocked you down, had she not caught you.

Jean actually almost shit himself your flirting flustered him so bad. But he realized that you were drunk and immediately lifted you up and took you home.

Armin blushed, squeaked, and giggled. He knew you were drunk but he just couldn't help it. He helped you to bed and you fell asleep next to each other.

Sasha took you out to eat immediately after you said you wanted to go on a date with a hot babe like her, because she just needs one reason to go get something to munch on. It helped sober you up and when you puked she held your hair. Besties.

You did have a line though and you never actually flirted with Historia or Ymir but Ymir always took videos of you drunk and Historia always made sure to help you to bed. Those two were your constant watch dogs though when you were having fun.

Reiner "pretends" to go along with your flirting. He really just likes it because your hawt. "oh really? Tell me more about my eyes." He does however makes sure no one messes with you and always makes sure you get home safely.

When you get drunk around Mikasa the Ackerman always just pats you on the head. Sometimes though she makes fun of you.

Whenever you flirt with Connie hes also drunk so he flirts back. The two of you are the most chaotic drunk duo though and always end up breaking shit.

Erwin tells you to stop. "Stop that y/n, it's weird." But he's always blushing when he says that and he acts like a parent. "No, no more tequila!"

Hange will literally just have fun with drunk you. She'd vibe and even give you her glasses.

Marco would think it's really funny, but he'd stick with you for as long as he needs to to make sure you're okay and then he'll take you home.

Levi will look so annoyed and so done but he'll blush and wrap his fingers with yours. Much like Jean, he'll try to take you home as soon as possible. He gets jealous way too easily for this and often he'll stay the night with you.

Bertolt's brain literally melts. Reiner has to drag him away from you. You've broken the poor man.

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They walk in on you changing

Annie- She opened the door and come in without even paying attention, realized you were essentially naked when you squealed. She rolls her eyes, and mutters "look the door next time," but that's a mental image she'll be keeping for a while.

Armin- he doesn't even allow himself a second peak, immediately putting his hand over his eyes. "Oh! I'm so sorry y/n! I-i-yeah!" He practically runs out of there faster than lightening.

Bertolt- He freezes, and you have to push him out. His brain dies and he stands outside your door for several minutes still trying to process.

Connie- he doesn't even notice you, but when you yell at him he simply turns and farts at you.

Eren- "If you were changing why didn't you lock the door?"

Erwin- "I'm sorry I thought this was the bathroom. Did you get a new book shelf?"

Hanje- She comes in, sees that your changing and puts a hand over her eyes, continuing to tell you what she wanted.

Jean- he puts his hands on his hips and smiles, "you knew I was coming, didn't you?"

Levi- he doesn't really care and neither do you (nothing he hasn't seen before) but he doesn't make sure to shut the door and wrap you on the head. "you have a lock, brat, use it."

Marco- opens door. "Whoops." Closes door. "Sorry y/n!"

Mikasa- "hey y/n," just continues.

Sasha had half a donut in her mouth when she walked in on you and then immediately it fell from her mouth when she turned and saw your body. she blinked and quickly bent over, grabbing her donut and covered her eyes, but only partially.

Reiner- "Hey, y/n I- Woah! Nice ra-" you effectively cut him off by throwing a shoe at his face.

Historia- "Oh! Sorry sweetie, you're so pretty, oh my goodness!"

Ymir- after storming in she proclaims, "Historia saw you naked, I have to kill you now."

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They find you crying

We all have those days, and this is when they find you having one.

Ymir found you in the your bedroom, completely bundled in blankets with the lights shut off. She notices that you've been crying because your sniffing loudly, but says nothing about it. "Hey, Y/n, do you have the wifi password?"

She'd leave, but tell Historia, knowing Historia is better suited to check on and deal with helping you. Historia will walk in and raise her hands, in an open hug. You'll wordlessly scootch over and allow her to slide in beside you and gently pull you into her grasp.

Sasha heard you crying and grabbed her comfort snacks, a blanket, and the puppy. All of which she carried into your bedroom. The two of you would sit, eat, and watch some comfort shows. "it's the best medicine!"

Reiner saw your car parked outside the apartments and thought he'd knock on your car window. When he got up to your window though, he noticed the tears that were streaking down your face. He'd immediately climb into the other side of the car, hopping into the passenger seat. You're shocked, having not even noticed him hanging outside your car to begin with. "Uh, Reiner?" "So," he buckles up. "Who did it?"

Mikasa could hear you crying when she was up late at night, (your door had been open a crack.) So she grabbed some ice cream and two spoons, and wordlessly walked into your room. She said nothing and didn't press you for information, and the two of you shared Sasha's favorite ice cream.

Marco witnessed you go full on break down mode after a ROUGH day and immediately gave you the greatest pep talk known to man. You were so amazed at his genuinely kind words you stopped crying, but Marco had become so touched that he had started.

You had actually went to Levi's apartment, and sat with him. He made you tea and listened silently as you told him about what had happened and how sad you felt. He didn't press any advice on you or dry your tears with grandiose words, but he genuinely listened and acknowledged your feelings. Then you cuddled, and it was more than enough.

Jean said something flirty to you and for one reason or another it set you off and tears were aflowing. At first he panicked because he thought he made you cry. When he realized it wasn't him, he gently brought you into him and held you as you cried into his shirt. Finally you looked up at him and he wiggled his eyebrows mischievously, "Would sex make you feel better?"

You called Hanje and told what happened after a particularly rough day, so she and moblit went and grabbed you some takeout and spent the day with you. They even took you to egg the offenders house. Revenge is sweet.

Erwin thought you were sick, so he left after finding you crying in your room, bought you soup, made it and just acted like you were sick. You didn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

Eren saw you crying and then flicked you in the head and promptly left. You were stunned, but also found it funny and confusing, so you stopped crying.

Connie facetimed you and by the end you weren't crying because you were sad, but because Connie's really fucking stupid.

Bertolt noticed you were in your room for a while so he checked on you. He gave you a hug and then asked you very nicely to "stop crying."

Armin literally sat his ass down and stayed with you until the two of you fell asleep. He's a top tier friend who cares deeply about your emotional health so he does everything he can to sort you out. He holds your hand, nods, listens, gives you advice, and agrees with you.

Annie calls you a crybaby but she sits down beside you none the less. She doesn't press nor did she speak. But she wants you to know that's she's here in her own special Annie way.

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Thanks for reading! Remember, requests are open!

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Limp Noodle ~ S.H.

A/n: I have never once been good at making choices so I’ll be doing both OOF! This request is dirt old but whatever. I’m actually writing requests now look at me go!

Request: “...prompt 20 or 21 Steve Harrington x clumsy male reader” by anon

#20 (here): “I can’t do this without you”

#21: “Guess who broke their nose! Me. It’s me. I broke my nose.”

Word Count: 2000+

MASTERLIST

“Are you SURE that this is a good idea?” The words came from Y/n as Steve parked the car, waving through the windshield window at Jonatan, Nancy, Robin and a new friend, Bianca. They’d all decided on a triple date and like idiots they’d let Steve, Bianca, and Nancy decide so they were now all headed on a hike. Robin was the least athletic of all of them and hated exercise of any kind. Jonathan was the one in the group who hated being outside in the sun and much preferred being inside cuddled on the could other swaddled in bed. Y/n... well Y/n was the single most clumsy person you’ve ever met.

Now, take whatever image that popped in your head when I said that and then make it ten times worse. Then take THAT mental image and multiply by it by ten AGAIN. Y/n was worse. He was absolutely sure he was going to thrip and fall over the side of some steep hill and fully die. He would be lucky to make it out of this trip without a stick going through his eye. Y/n and the outdoors didn’t mix. They never had. He could barely walk, let alone when it was uphill and outside and humid and hard to breathe and everyone was so beautiful and distracting.

Steve didn’t agree with that analysis.

“This is a great idea actually,” Steve decided with complete confidence. “Don’t worry about it okay? You’ll be fine.”

“Incorrect,” Y/n Aries immediately. “We started dating because I tripped seven times and you caught me every single one. I tripped seven times in three days Steve - and that was just the, what, one hour a day you’re with me? In THREE HOURS I TRIPPED SEVEN TIMES!” He was whisper yelling, getting rather heated. “I’m going to knock my head into a tree and bleed out.”

Steve laughed. He reached over, taking his boyfriend’s hands. “Do you trust me?”

Y/n’s shoulders sagged. “That is a cheap trick, Harrington.”

In response Steve only raised his eyebrows. When Y/n refused to answer, Steve sighed. “Y/n. Do you trust me?”

Closing his eyes a second, Y/n held in a sigh. When he opened them again, he managed a small smile. “Yeah. I trust you.” Steve went to get out of the car and Y/n caught his wrist. “Just promise you’re going to stay with me okay? I can’t do this without you. I’m serious.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Come on Drama King.” They both got out and made their way over to the other four.

“Hey guys!” Nancy greeted warmly. She had calmed a lot since Y/n had first met her. Darkened. But she was still pleasant enough, and Y/n tolerated her for Steve. He didn’t know why they were all friends after Nancy’s brutal ripping up Steve’s heart but... he expected it was that trauma bonding things that Steve and Robin refused to ever talk about with Y/n in the room.

“Hey bestie.” Robin winked at Y/n and he felt himself relax. Around her he always felt more comfortable. She got him on a much deeper level than Steve did. She had actually been the one to set them up after failure after failure of Steve’s attempts on girls who came to the ice cream shop they met at originally. It had gone up in flames recently, but they’d snagged a job at a movie store so they still worked together. Y/n was pretty sure neither of them would have it any other way, even if they sometimes pretended to hate each other.

“Hey loser,” Y/n joked back. Robin shoved him and he laughed, accidentally ramming into Jonathan as his feet almost came out underneath him. “Sorry,” Y/n mumbled.

Robin scoffed in amusement. “I always forget you have two backward feet.” This was something she said often, in reference to the popular statement of ‘two left feet’. One day Robin had proclaimed that Y/n was something worse than two left feet, and then being backward had kicked off as an inside joke.

“I’d you have that problem standing still, how do you think you’re going to do on a hike?” It seemed Bianca was trying to get in on the joking, but it hit a hard cord with Y/n.

He wasn’t in the mood to joke. “What can I say? Great day to die.” He put on the fakest smile ever. “Come on everyone!” Then he began to surge ahead, onto the trail, and the others scrambled to catch up.

It didn’t tale long for Nancy and Bianca to hit the head of the trail. Steve dutifully stayed by Y/n, but he watched the girls head with a sort of forlorness. Because Y/n was so slow and Jonathan and Robin lagged even behind him, the two girls in front were racing up and down the steep sides of the path they were on, jumping over logs and hopping up on stumps to make the path harder. They were laughing hard and having a great time. Y/n knew that Steve desperately wanted to join them.

What kind of a boyfriend would Y/n be to stop him? “Go on,” Y/n sighed, nudging Steve forward encouragingly.

Steve looked at Y/n with an expression that tried far too hard at innocence to succeed. It was so obvious he was full of crap that Y/n was rolling his eyes before the brunette even spoke. “What? What do you mean? I’m having a great time with my boyfriend which was the point of this whole thing. Have I bored you already?”

“No, but I’ve bored you. Go and do parkour with the bad ass chicks up there. Go on.” Steve hesitated, but when Y/n shot him a look, he finally did speed ahead to catch up and join in the unnecessary shenanigans that gave Y/n extreme anxiety just imagining himself doing. He sighed watching Nancy and Steve. He knew that things were WAY over between them, but Y/n found a little jealousy in the way they worked together so fluidly. They were perfect for each other - even as friends. She just kept up with him and challenged him in a way that Y/n never could, and Steve thrived.

Slowing down in his moment of annoyance, Robin and Jonathan caught up to him. “Welcome to the world of those who have to sit back and wonder why they’re not still dating,” Jonathan sighed. His voice was as laced with bitterness as Y/n’s thoughts were.

“They’re so complimentary,” Y/n complained.

“You could argue that you guys are the same,” Robin pointed out. “You both hate doing anything outside or away from home. You both love reading and photography. I mean Y/n’s incredible view of the world allows him to be a great writer, but it also connects you two. Writing and photography aren’t far from each other and you prod that every day. Nancy can’t slow down enough to appreciate things like Jonathan does, and we all know Steve is no reader.” She chuckled. “And we’ll never know how awkward and snappy got buff and pretty.”

Jonathan and Y/n smiled at that. “Imagine another world where Nancy and Steve stayed together. Then maybe you and me would have-“ suddenly he lost his words as he tripped, and Jonathan reached out to catch him. The two boys busted up laughing. “That’s the second I have to say both sorry and thank you for your reflexes Mr. Byers.”

“Ah anytime. That’s what friends do. Share interests and talk about alternative world where they’re dating and catch each other when they almost die.”

That made Y/n laugh harder.

Suddenly there was a very unpleasant thump and a scream. The three in the back snapped their attention to the three ahead and saw Nancy and Bianca freeze and look back at Steve, who had landed on the ground. His hands had risen to cover his face, and he slowly turned on his side, curling in on himself. It seemed like he’d misstepped at some point and tripped and fallen.

Perhaps Y/n shouldn’t have been the one they worried about on this trip...

-

When they finally got Steve to the hospital, it was a mess. There had been blood everywhere, and Y/n’s weirdly good driving had saved the day in a pinch once again. They’d gotten there quickly and in one piece without getting pulled over.

Only an hour later they were given news. Steve came out with the skin around his nose already bruised and puffy. “Guess Who broke their nose,” he mocked in a song songey voice.

“Me?” Y/n joked.

“Me!” Steve agreed, pointing at himself. “It’s me. I broke my nose.” He slung an arm over Y/n’s shoulders and the other four covered their mouths to hide laughs. People wouldn’t be forgiving in public if it got out that the two men were dating, so they were trying to be lowkey.

The Doctor came over behind Steve. “He’ll be fine. I’ve given him direction son how to ice it and even given him some pain killers to help with the next few hours. But it is just a broken nose, so nothing too severe.”

“Thanks,” Y/n told the Doctor. They left then, everyone heading home. Y/n designated himself in charge of caring for Steve, and called his parents to let them know that Steve ‘got tired’ after the hike and totally knocked out. They didn’t mind, liking that Steve was actually spending time with other kids again, so it went without too much problem.

As Y/n was tucking Steve into bed, Steve caught his hand to still him. “I love you.”

Y/n’s eyes widened. They hadn’t said that yet but... well, if hypotheticals with Jonathan had taught anything today, it was that Y/n was glad he was in this version of things, even if it was a little more complicated this way. So he meant it when he replied, “I love you too Stevie.”

Steve glared. “Not Jonathan?”

“Jon-“ Y/n’s deep confusion cleared as he realized what had been happening right when Steve had tripped. Jonathan and Y/n had been close. Laughing. Talking. Touching. “Oh my god Harrington did you break your nose because you were being a jealous idiot?”

“Maybe,” Steve grumbled, looking away.

Y/n laughed, gently tugging on his chin so their eyes met again. “Please sweetheart, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Me and my two backward feet are going to plague you for the rest of our lives.”

Steve’s eyes got very soft. “Do you really mean that?”

Getting sincere, Y/n leaned down and kissed Steve’s forehead. “Stephen Harrington, I’ve never meant anything more. I know we can’t get married or anything, or even date publicly, but... I don’t care. And maybe that’s some really forward thinking and we haven’t been dating that long, but I fell... a LOT of times in my life. It only made sense that the first time someone ever caught me, it was you. And it made me realize that I was gifted with my two backward feet so that one day I’d fall for you.”

Steve groaned. “That was painfully cheesy.”

“Okay, okay,” Y/n dismissed, rolling his eyes. The sweet moment was completely ruined.

“No seriously I would break my nose again before hearing that-“

Y/n reached over, turning the light off before climbing into bed with Steve. “Shut up Harrington, or I WILL break your nose again.”

Steve laughed before pulling Y/n close so they could fall asleep curled up with each other. “My cheesy, dumb, clumsy boy,” Steve mused quietly.

That made Y/n scoff. “If either of ya is the dumb in this relationship it’s YOU, Harrington.”

“Shut up,” Steve whispered. It was quiet a while before he finally followed up with, “I’d like that future with you too.”

To hide his smile, Y/n mumbled, “Good night Stevie.”

After a second, Steve replied, “Good night, Y/n.” And for now, that was the end of it.

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids

Chapter One: The New Kid

Story Summary: Roman has to have a completely new start. New school, new town, new home and a new family. As a kid in his first foster home, Roman isn’t prepared to trust these people and get hurt again, but he’s not the only kid in the house recovering from past issues. Regardless, their foster father Patton is ready to be the dad they’ve always needed, and traumatized kids learn to lean on each other for support.

Story Warnings: Past abuse of all types, trauma, and anxiety

Pairings: Familial LAMP

Chapter Summary: Roman moves into his new foster home. He is not having a good time.

Chapter Warnings: Anxiety, panic, implied past abuse, food, one vomiting mention, and talk of hidden cameras

Word Count: 6778

Notes: First chapter of a story I’ve wanted to make for my foster au! Thanks to Cornybird on Ao3 for beta-ing this one <3

“Logan, Virgil?” Patton called out from downstairs. “Can you come down here? I wanna talk about something with you!”

Virgil and Logan gave each other curious looks from their sitting places on the same bed. Virgil placed his phone on the nightstand beside him as Logan set his book down at the foot of the bed, both standing up to exit Virgil’s bedroom and head downstairs. At the dining room table was their foster father, Patton, smiling wide with a laptop and notepad in front of him.

“What’s up?” Virgil asked after he and Logan glanced at each other. 

Patton giggled to himself, “Sit down for a second and I’ll tell you! Nothing bad, promise. I think it’s very exciting.”

They quickly sat at the table on the other side of Patton. “So,” Patton joked, “I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today!”

Logan and Virgil spoke in unison. “You’re getting another foster kid.”

Patton blinked. “…How’d you guess it?”

“You’ve been really happy recently, but also very quiet about why you were so happy. You only get like this when you’re bringing another foster kid into the mix. You did the same thing when Logan came along.” Virgil said.

Logan nodded. “Virgil told me about his suspicions due to your behavior, and I agreed with him. I think we both expected you’d make the announcement soon.”

“Oh.” Patton rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I didn’t think it was that easy to tell. Well, you guessed right! The new kiddo is moving in on Sunday!”

Logan leaned closer. “What’s their name?”

“His name is Roman Goldsberry. He’s fifteen, and he’s only been in the system for about five months. Though, before this, he was in kinship care with his aunt, so living here is going to be very strange for him. So just be patient with him at first, okay?”

“Yeah yeah, we will be.” Virgil smirked. “But you said he was fifteen?”

“Yup! He’ll be a sophomore in high school this year.”

“Aw, that means Logan’s still the baby in the family.”

Logan blushed. “I’m a teenager. I am not the so-called ‘baby’ of the family.”

“Sounds like something the baby of the family would say.”

“Falsehood!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Patton tried not to laugh. He knew how much Logan hated being the youngest, but it was hard to act like his reaction wasn’t funny. “Remember, Roman will be here Sunday, so be on your best behavior when he gets here. No spooking him.”

“Got it, got it.” Virgil slouched in his chair and thought. “One more question though. How fucked up is he?”

“Virgil, language.” Patton warned.

“Sorry! It’s just a question. We know you have a soft spot for the most effed up kids you can find.”

“I would have to say I’m curious as well.” Logan agreed. “It’s become a pattern.”

Patton sighed. “He’s not messed up, he’s a kid who’s struggling and needs support. If he wants to tell you two about his past, then he will.”

Virgil groaned. “Fine, fine. Can we go back upstairs now?”

Patton smiled. “Yes, you can go.”

“Great! I’m stealing your book, Logan.”

“Wait, you can’t do that!”

Virgil darted back upstairs with a maniacal laugh as Logan chased him, the sound of bickering teenagers traveling back up the stairs. Patton shook his head in amusement, still listening to the ruckus in case it got out of hand and he needed to step in, but Patton knew his kids. They may tease, but they’re not mean.

Patton continued working on his laptop once the noise quieted down again.

***

“I hate this.”

“I know you do, Roman, but I’m certain you can persevere and find happiness in this new home!” Roman’s social worker, Mr. Picani, smiled hopefully as he continued to drive him to his foster home. Roman was scooted as close to the window as he could possibly get, his legs crossed and clamped together so tight his thighs were getting sore. He didn’t trust Picani, and he sure as hell didn’t trust this new house. No matter what anyone told him.

“I already had a home! Living with my aunt was so much better than whatever could happen here.” Roman’s hands shook just thinking about it. He didn’t know anything about this new person, and the idea of being in a house full of strangers was enabling the more gruesome side of his imagination. He trusted his aunt, at least, but now he was going to a family who could be anyone.

Roman didn’t like the idea of that.

Picani frowned. “You know why your aunt couldn’t house you anymore, Roman. I know it’s not easy, but I think you’ll like this new place! It’s more up north in Foley County, and the area is nice. He also has two other foster children if that helps.”

“How old are the other kids?”

“Fourteen and sixteen, I think. You’ll get to know them more during your time there.”

Roman hummed, looking out the window and digging his nails into his shirt sleeve. He really hoped this foster dad hadn’t touched them before. Even forgetting about himself, a fourteen year old kid having to deal with abuse? Even after getting away from bad parents? He didn’t wish that on anyone.

“And if you ever feel unsafe,” Picani added, “you can always contact me, ‘kay?”

I already feel unsafe. “Okay. How much longer until we’re there?”

“About twenty more minutes. Just enough time to finish the rest of the Tangled movie soundtrack!”

Roman didn’t respond. Normally, he’d love to have a Disney soundtrack he could burst into song with, but he wasn’t feeling it today. And probably wouldn’t be feeling it for a long time.

He just wanted to feel safe. He felt safe with his aunt, but she couldn’t afford to keep him long after the trial since she gave birth to the twins. His aunt was always one of his favorite relatives, one of the few adults he genuinely trusted, now he was going to the house of some random guy named Patton, who he’d only heard of yesterday, and expected to be okay near him. Well, he wasn’t okay. And he wasn’t going to be, ever.

Roman leaned his head on the window and closed his eyes. His hands still shook a little and his chest felt weird, but fighting it now was pointless. Roman just hoped that if this guardian did try something, he’d do it quickly. The sooner Roman told on him to save himself and the other kids, the better.

Though, Roman still felt his hands tingle at the thought. The idea of “getting it over with” made him want to scream and cry. He wrapped his legs tighter together.

After a long time of trying to fight against his own anxious thoughts, Picani pulled into a driveway and stopped the car and Roman opened his eyes to take a look at where they were. He didn’t know the neighborhood, but it seemed like Picani was telling the truth when he said the neighborhood was nice. The house seemed huge, big bushes and flower patches in the front yard and a nice outside paint job. It looked like a house that a functional nuclear family would have, where the dad is a doctor and the mom stays at home with the kids.

Well, looks can be deceiving. Roman thought. Don’t get your hopes up.

“Here we are!” Picani unbuckled his seatbelt with a wide smile. “Grab your suitcases in the back, I’ll knock on the door.”

Roman nodded and got out of the car as Picani popped the trunk. He grabbed two red suitcases and a backpack, closing the car and wheeling it all up to the front door. Picani was there talking to a guy who Roman assumed must be Patton Sanders, and by taking just one look at him…Roman had never seen a person look so much like a dad.

 He was wearing khaki shorts and a light blue polo with tennis shoes and knee socks, thick-rimmed glasses sitting on his face to finish off the dorky look. Patton managed to pull it off, sure, but Roman felt a primal urge from binge-watching Queer Eye to fix that mess of an outfit. 

Before Roman could truly take in the fact that Patton’s knee socks also had kittens on them, Patton smiled wide once he saw Roman in the corner of his eye. “Hello, Roman! It’s so nice to have you, come on in you two!”

Patton stepped aside to hold out the door as Picani and Roman both walked in. Roman scraped his arm on the door frame trying to keep a reasonable distance from Patton, but neither of the adults seemed to notice how Roman was acting. Patton kept smiling away, and Roman tried to see how real that smile truly was. “So, Mr. Picani, I know I have some things to go over with you, so how would you feel if the other kiddos showed you around the house, Roman?”

…Kiddos? “That sounds fine to me.”

“Perfect!” Patton walked over to the staircase and called upstairs. “Logan, Virgil! Can you come down here please?”

Patton’s request was quickly followed by the sound of doors opening and closing. Two kids walked down the stairs; a boy in a black and purple hoodie, and another boy with thick glasses almost the same as Patton’s. They both stared at Roman curiously, and Roman wanted to sink into the floor.

Patton placed an arm over Logan and Virgil’s shoulders and Roman winced at the sight. “So, kiddos, this is Roman! And Roman, this is Logan,” Patton pointed to the kid in glasses. “And Virgil!” He pointed to the kid with the hoodie. The boys didn’t react much besides an awkward half smile directed Roman’s way. “How about you both show him around while I talk to Mr. Picani?”

Virgil shrugged. “Come upstairs, dude.”

Patton let go of both of the boys and walked off into the kitchen with Picani. Roman watched them from the living room for a moment, but he could feel two pairs of eyes staring at him from behind, so he turned around and followed the kids upstairs, bringing his luggage with him.

At the top of the stairs, a long hallway connected six doors on the second floor. Four of the doors were plain, brown doors, but two of them had very distinct personalities shown on the outside. One was covered in stars and planets, the door covered in a starry piece of wallpaper with a metal planet popping out of the background. The other was covered in caution tape saying keep out, with emo band posters poking out from under the tape. Two very different personalities.

“Your room will be this one at the very end of the hallway.” Logan opened the door to the room, turning on the light as Roman peeked inside. “You can place your luggage in here in the meantime.”

Roman nodded and walked inside to throw his luggage onto the floor. The room was very bare, with brown sheets on a twin bed and not much other furniture besides a desk and a dresser. There was a lamp on the desk and a floor lamp next to a door, and one of the opened closet doors showed that the top was covered in random boxes. Some newer-looking stuffed animals were also sitting on the bed; a soft bear and one of those squishy stuffed chickens Roman always saw in stores. It looked like an attempt at a welcoming gift, but new stuffed animals always put Roman on edge. He looked around the room, and the idea of sleeping here made Roman’s heart start to pound. He needed to check this place before he went to sleep that night.

Virgil smirked, taking Roman away from his anxious thoughts. “Damn, you’ve got suitcases? Living the fancy life I see.”

“…What?” Roman reeled.

Logan adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms. “Most foster children move their things using garbage bags. It’s rare we use actual suitcases.”

Roman looked down at his luggage. Suddenly, he felt guilty. “Oh, well…my aunt gave them to me before I moved out, so…”

Virgil shrugged. “What do you wanna see up here first?”

“We could show him our rooms. Or possibly the attic?”

“The attic is cooler.”

“What’s in the attic?” Roman asked.

“It essentially acts as a playroom.” Logan explained. “Board games and a…random assortment of items are all piled up there. It’s quite entertaining to search through, actually.”

“And it’s in the best place ever, come here.” Virgil motioned for Roman and Logan to follow him. He stopped at one of the doors, opening it and letting Roman peek over his shoulder to look inside. It looked like a normal walk-in closet, first aid and toilet paper on one side with batteries and rows of shampoo on the other. Virgil walked in with a smirk, “Now, check this shit out.”

Virgil jumped and pulled on a string dangling from the roof, unraveling a steep staircase through the closet leading up to a hole in the roof. Virgil started to climb the stairs as Logan followed suit, so Roman climbed right after them.

When Roman made it to the top, his eyes widened with wonder. Granted, it wasn’t anything too spectacular, surely not like something in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, but the fact that this hidden space existed made Roman feel excited. At his old house, he barely even had his own room to himself, so a place like this was paradise.

The walls were painted white with a giant window above a sitting area on the other side of the room. Shelves of items scattered the walls, and the rug on the floor was so clean Roman wondered how they even got a vacuum up here. It wasn’t anything like his old attic, stuffed with random items from over the years and covered in spiderwebs. Roman felt like he could spend most of his day here.

“We have a lot of various toys up here.” Logan said. He gestured to the boxes on one of the shelves. “Pokémon cards, a chess set, Magic the Gathering, lots of Lego sets, craft supplies, most of our toys make their way up here.”

Roman’s head perked up. “…Craft supplies?”

Logan nodded. “I believe we have paints and drawing utensils.”

Roman looked at the bottom of the shelf Logan gestured toward. There was a box of small painting canvases with paints and brushes, and though they definitely looked cheap, Roman saw them and grew excited as he took out a canvas and the paints in wonder.

“Kiddos!” A voice yelled from the staircase. Logan and Roman walked over to the stairs to look down, but Virgil stayed in his place on a beanbag near the window. Patton and Picani stood at the bottom, and Patton smiled. “Now, what are you all doing up there?”

“We’re showing him around the house.” Logan said matter-of-factly.

“You are, huh?” Patton crossed his arms. “Does he know where the bathroom is?”

Logan blinked. Virgil called out from behind both of them. “He knows where the important things are!”

Patton tried not to smile, but he lost that battle quickly. “Well, Mr. Picani is leaving right now, Roman.”

“How ‘bout you come down here and I talk to you in private for a sec?” Picani asked.

“Uh, alright!” Roman climbed down the stairs and followed Picani out of the closet, while Patton climbed up the stairs into the attic. They both stepped away to the other side of the hallway, and suddenly Picani’s face became very serious.

“Do you feel safe in this house, Roman?” He asked.

Roman clenched his fist and bit his cheek. No, he didn’t, actually. He didn’t know what Patton would do once the coast was clear from guests, and the idea of what could happen was freezing him from the inside out. The only place Roman would feel truly safe was if he was back in the hospital.

But Roman knew that wasn’t possible, and he couldn’t keep bothering Picani all the time for fears that couldn't be helped. He had to be on his own. Alone.

“I think I do. They…seem like good people.” Roman lied. He’d have to find another way to survive.

Picani smiled, not noticing Roman’s unease. He always was a great actor. “Amazing! Let me know if anything comes up, bucko, and I’ll talk to ya again soon! But until then…so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight!”

Picani walked downstairs and waved behind him, laughing at his own reference as he walked out the door. Roman watched him from the staircase until he could see the car leaving the driveway through the window, and Roman felt truly hopeless. This was a nightmare.

He stood frozen on the staircase for a while, staring through the window with a hope of Picani turning back and saving him. But no car came into the driveway, and Roman didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. What do you even do when living in a house full of strangers?

“Heya, kiddo!” Roman jumped at the voice coming from behind him, jerking his head back and pushing his back up against the wall. It was Patton, smiling wide with a concerned look in his eyes at Roman’s reaction. “I’m sorry, Roman, I didn’t mean to scare you! I just wanted to ask if you wanted me to give you the rest of the tour. I’ll show you everything you need this time!”

Patton laughed at himself, but Roman felt the need to vomit. Patton was close, way too close, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want to be roaming around the house with him, vulnerable and nowhere to hide. He needed to be somewhere safe.

“Uh, no, I’m fine! I’ll figure it out myself!” Patton raised an eyebrow at him, but Roman didn’t care. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Patton’s voice became softer. He pointed to the left of him, down the opposite direction of Roman’s room. “It’s over there. Are you sure you’re alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine!” Roman darted past Patton quickly and out of reach, rushing into the bathroom and locking it behind him. He pressed his back against the door and sat down, pressing his feet against the sink, ready to fight against the door if someone tried to open it. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, trying to even out his scattered breathing. He knew Patton was outside of the door, he could feel it. He just needed to be somewhere safe.

Roman didn’t move from his spot on the floor, eventually curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. He was so tired, the whole day his heart had been pounding with anxiety and he was sick of it. What did it take to feel safe? Was it even possible for Roman to feel safe anymore?

He didn’t want an answer to that. He was just so tired.

 Roman closed his eyes and leaned his body against the bathroom wall, ignoring all his aches from the strange position and trying to give himself some comfort. His body was exhausted but his mind kept racing, thinking of all the things that could go wrong while living here. He tried to fight the anxious thoughts, but Roman figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. If he threw up in the toilet maybe they’d leave him alone for the day.

But Roman never got to that point. He rested on the floor and let his body shake, taking some deep breaths at times to feel less like he was suffocating. Eventually, a knock came to the bathroom door, and it took everything in Roman not to yelp.

“Are you still in there, Roman?” Roman could tell the voice was Logan, and that helped him relax a little more. He took in a big breath and tried to act normal.

“Yes, sorry. Do you need it?” He asked.

“I’m alright. I simply wanted to ask if you wanted to come downstairs and use the paints you seemed so interested in.”

Roman’s ears perked up at that. He forgot all about the paints, and it would be something that could ease his mind a little. But Roman wasn’t that dumb. He knew this was a plan to get him out of the bathroom. Though…he might not mind that much if he wasn’t alone.

“…Would you sit with me?” Roman asked. He doubted Patton would try anything so long as they weren’t alone together, and if he pleased them enough, maybe they’d leave him alone.

Logan was slow to respond. “I suppose I can if you wish for me to.”

Roman rolled his eyes at that sentence. What a nerd, he thought, standing up and slowly unlocking the door to the bathroom before opening it. He looked through the crack to check if Patton was standing behind Logan, but no one else was there. Logan stood there patiently with his hands clasped behind his back, and Roman fully exited the bathroom.

“I set the box on the dining room table. However, Patton is also there making a pizza for dinner.”

Roman froze. The same room as Patton? “… I’ll go, but you have to stay near me.”

Logan nodded. He led the way down the stairs while Roman followed, entering the dining room through the connected area in the living room. On the table was the box of painting supplies, and Roman ran toward them to start taking them out, trying to ignore the fact that he could see Patton in the corner of his eye. He grabbed a canvas and the cheap paints, as well as a plastic pallet and all the brushes. All that he needed was a cup of water, but…the sink was right next to where Patton was.

Roman drummed his fingers on the table. “…Logan, can you get me a cup of water?”

“Alright.” Logan stood up and grabbed a cup from the cupboard, filling it with water and handing it to Roman. Roman murmured a thank you, and Logan sat back down at his seat. He was grateful that Logan didn’t ask why Roman couldn’t get it himself.

“So, Roman,” Roman stiffened at the sound of Patton’s voice. “Are you an artsy kid?”

Roman gripped hard onto his paints, squirting out a lot more orange than he meant to. “I guess, yeah. I like art.”

“Do you like to paint, or are you more of a sketchy kinda guy?”

“Uh…all of it. Painting, drawing, coloring, I used to make a lot of stuffed animals too.”

“Awww, that sounds adorable!” The oven beeped and Patton put on his oven gloves and pulled out the pizza. “It’s probably best I don’t know how to make stuffed animals though. If I did, this house would be full of little stuffed puppies!”

Roman didn’t respond. He focused completely on mixing red and orange for a perfect sunset color, attempting to get a good gradient with the lack of shade variety. Once he filled in his sunset and blended it with a dark night sky, he mixed his white with a dot of gray and made darker clouds, dotting them above his rough-looking hill. He wanted to add more texture to the bottom of the canvas, maybe some trees, but he didn’t know how to make good ones without a fan brush. Maybe he could add some grass…

“Alright, the pizza is cooled down and ready!” Roman noticed Patton put a plate next to his painting, so he pushed all his supplies out of the way so he could eat. Patton set down more plates around the table as Virgil walked in. “It was a real pizza work if I do say so myself!”

Logan rolled his eyes and Virgil held back a snort, but Roman didn’t quite know how to react. He might have found the dad joke more amusing if he wasn’t so on edge.

Roman took a bite of the pizza. It wasn’t anything spectacular, just a store-bought one that you heat up in the oven and serve, but Roman didn’t realize he was so hungry until now. He had skipped lunch because his nerves about coming here were making his stomach churn, but finally having food near him was bringing back that hunger. Roman’s foot was still tapping violently under the table, but it was progress.

Everyone ate their pizza in silence. It was incredibly awkward on Roman’s end, no stories to tell as this table full of strangers kept making glances at him. Patton was the worst with it. He seemed to want to say something to Roman, continuously making eye contact with him until Roman looked away, but still not saying a word. He couldn’t take it. He hated it, but he hated this silence even more. Roman swallowed the pizza bite he was chewing and opened his mouth.

“So,” Roman started, “what do I…call you anyway?”

“Me?” Patton asked, his eyes lighting up. Why would his eyes light up at that?

“Yeah. Do I say Mr. Sanders, or…?”

“Oh, Patton works just fine! I hear Mr. Sanders way too often at work to wanna hear it at home too!”

“Oh, where- where do you work?” At least it wasn’t so quiet anymore.

“I’m a nurse practitioner for a clinic. It’s a lot of fun, just a lot of work. At least my hours aren’t as crazy as most nurses.”

“Oh that’s…cool.” Roman didn’t know how to continue off of that.

“It is! Is there anything else you wanna ask me, though? Maybe about the house, routines, anything?”

“Well…what are the rules here?” That seemed like a very safe question to have. It could save Roman a lot of trouble, and it could give him more of a read on the kind of parent Patton was.

“Oh, it’s not that much. You’re old enough to clean up after yourself, so make it a habit to pick up your own things and not put that stuff on other people. Be kind to everyone else, and the only rule I’m very strict about is no yelling. You can be loud sometimes, but no angry yelling at anybody here. The last one is to respect others’ privacy. Always knock on someone’s bedroom door before entering. But that’s really it, I think!”

How often do you break that last rule? “That seems reasonable, I suppose.”

Patton smiled. “I think you’ll do just fine here, kiddo. I know it’s hard to start over, but you won’t be alone during it!”

“…Thank you.”

“And I’m sure Virgil and Logan could help out a little bit, since they’ve been in the same situation! Right, you two?”

Virgil was halfway through trying to stick a whole piece of crust in his mouth. “…Uh huh.”

“…Virgil, chew your food.”

“Lo’an ‘old me I cou’ do it!”

“Do not drag me into this.”

Virgil hid his mouth behind his hand as he chewed for a long period of time. “You’re just avoiding your responsibility.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m finished, so try not to choke now.”

“Now I’m gonna choke just to spite you.”

“Please do not start a choking contest, Virge.”

Virgil groaned before swallowing the last of his crust. He followed Logan to the dishwasher and put his plate in, closing it and scurrying away back upstairs. Logan hesitated leaving the dining room, looking between Patton and Roman. Roman couldn’t tell if Patton noticed Logan’s hesitation or if it was just perfect timing, because he also got up and put his plate in the dishwasher.

“When you finish, Roman, just put your dishes away.”

“I can do that.”

Patton smiled and walked off into the living room, sitting on the couch to watch some TV show seemingly about cute puppies and kittens. Logan glanced at Roman again.

“Do you still want me to stay?” Logan asked.

Roman ate the last of his pizza and pushed his plate to the side, grabbing his painting again to put in front of him. It was the most effective thing at calming him down. “…No, I should be okay.”

Logan nodded and walked upstairs. Roman tried to fully immerse himself in his painting, focusing on every last detail and how he could make it better without over-detailing it. Roman put more green on his brush and started to dot at his hill on the bottom, trying to add little blades of textured grass. It was a long process, just enough to take the majority of his focus and calm his hands.

…Roman felt really weird here. It didn’t feel like he lived in this house, now. It felt like he was spending the day with some friends, and his aunt would come pick him up before the sun went down. But no, these new kids were his foster brothers and the adult he was terrified of was expected to act as his new dad. There was no one coming to save him, he was expected to sleep here and eat here and live here. This was supposed to be his safe space.

Roman rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. Don’t focus on that now, he thought. Focus on the painting.

So he did focus. He focused on monotonous texture additions and watching the paint dry on his canvas as he went along, letting the repetitive action calm his mind just a little bit. His calming method seemed to be working too well, actually, as the more details he added and stared at the paint, Roman realized that his constant panic today had completely exhausted him. It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet and Roman could feel his eyelids get heavier. He rubbed at his eyes again and tried to focus.

Roman yawned once. He yawned twice and rubbed his eyes as he kept adding minor details to his painting. Then, after a while, Roman scooted his painting to the side and laid his head down on the table.

***

“…Roman, wake up, please.”

Roman buried his head deeper in his arms. “Come on Roman, it’s late.”

Roman groggily lifted his head up. Patton was sitting in the chair across from him, the lights were all off except for the one light above the dining table. Roman looked around him, and noticed that it was dark outside now. Shit.

“You fell asleep, but that’s okay. It’s bedtime now, and the other two are already in bed, so how about you go get ready and sleep in your bed? I bet it’s comfier than the table.”

Roman dug his palm into his eye. “…What time is it…?”

“About 10:20. You all have bedtime at ten.”

“…But I’m fifteen?” Roman gave Patton a confused and sleepy look. He hasn’t had a bedtime since he was twelve, especially one that was so early. His mom only told him to be in bed by midnight.

Patton smiled. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. Logan is the only one who needs a bedtime, but I don’t want him to feel left out because he’s the only one asleep. So, how about you get ready for bed?”

Roman nodded and got out of his chair. The more he walked, the more he woke up, and he could tell by the time he went back upstairs that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep for a while since he could feel his heartbeat in his chest again. Patton followed him upstairs, turning off the dining room light as they went. Roman got his bathroom bag out from his smaller suitcase and a cotton shirt with sweatpants for pajamas, bringing it all with him to the bathroom. He closed the door as he brushed his teeth for the night, placing his bag in the bottom drawer after he did. He changed into his pajamas carefully, taking the towel on one of the racks to hide his lower half under as he switched pants, taking his other clothes and throwing them into a laundry basket.

When Roman stepped out of the bathroom, Patton was leaning against a wall waiting for him. He smiled at Roman, but Roman still ran past him to get as far away as he could get. Patton didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he just didn’t care. Roman shifted on his feet awkwardly before closing his door.

“Um…goodnight.” He finally said. Patton seemed satisfied with this.

“Goodnight, Roman.”

Roman finally closed the door to his bedroom, waiting until he heard the door on the other end of the hallway open and close. Almost immediately after, as if another force was controlling him, Roman started to tear the place apart.

He checked the charging ports in the walls, the lamp, under the bed’s covers and behind every piece of furniture. He stood on top of his suitcase to check the vents and took out all the drawers in the dresser. He punched the stuffed animals to see if he could feel wires, but he still couldn’t find it. He couldn’t find it.

Roman felt himself start to pant. He refused to go to bed until he found it. No matter how well hidden it was, Roman knew there was a camera in here. He couldn’t stop until he found it.

Roman grabbed the boxes at the top of the closet and tossed everything out of them, checking every spare blanket and binder before throwing them across the room when he found nothing. He took the hangers out of the closet and threw them on the floor, shining his phone light on the wall of the closet to find a hole. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Tears sprung into Roman’s eyes as he choked on his own breath. “Where the hell is it!?” He whispered, slamming the closet door closed and moving to check the bed. He tore the bedsheets off and checked the mattress, lifting it up as well to check the bed frame for anything that could be used to record. Nothing.

“Come on, please-” Roman took out the drawer from the bedside table. Nothing. He unscrewed the lightbulb from the lamp, almost shattering it from his tight grip. Nothing. He threw the lamp onto the bed and kicked the nightstand over. Nothing.

Roman choked out a sob as his whole body started to shake. This wasn’t fair, he spent all that time trying to get away from his dad only to end up in a place that hid cameras better than him. Roman gripped the covers he’d thrown and punched the floor next to them, the ache being an almost pleasant distraction from his own head. But his mind continued to race and his crying didn’t let up. The only thing Roman could manage to get out of his mouth was “No, no!”

Then, between Roman’s sobbing, he heard a knock at the door.

Roman froze in place. A feeling of dread spread through his chest and made his fingers go numb. For a second, Roman forgot to breathe as he remembered he forgot to lock the door.

Roman’s body was stiff, but his mind was going a mile a minute in a desperate attempt to save himself. He could hide in the closet, but since he tore everything out of there, if someone opened the door they’d immediately find him. He could hide under the bed, but without the covers to reach the floor it was easy to see he was under there. Roman choked on his own breath when he realized there was nowhere to hide-

“Roman?” The knock came back to the door, gentler than the first time. It wasn’t Patton’s voice like Roman feared, it was Virgil. Raspy and tired-sounding, but without a doubt Virgil.

“Y-yeah?” Roman squeaked out.

“Uh, can I…can I come in?”

Roman’s death grip on the covers loosened up slightly. “Yes…”

Virgil slowly turned the doorknob and opened it, slipping in through the smallest crack and closing the door slowly so it wouldn’t click. Once he was inside, Virgil’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of the destroyed room. “…Holy shit dude.”

Roman tried to dodge the situation, “What do you want?”

“I was gonna come in here and make a joke, like, ‘quiet down it sounds like a tornado is going through here’, but now I think I predicted the fucking future.” Roman put his head down as Virgil looked around in shock. “What the fuck happened?”

Roman wiped away his tears with the palm of his hands, digging into his eyes so hard he saw stars for a moment. “…There’s a camera in here.”

Virgil backed up more towards the door. “Wait, there is?” He darted his eyes around the room looking for what Roman was talking about. Roman let out a shaky breath.

“I haven’t found it yet, but I know it’s in here somewhere!” More tears went down Roman’s face as he hugged himself. Virgil seemed to realize what Roman was babbling on about. “I know Patton put a camera in here for me and I’m freaking out because I can’t find it!”

Virgil looked around at the mess again. He sighed. “I’m not good at this shit…you’re certain it’s in here?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, hey, don’t yell.” Virgil warned. “Pat and Logan are still asleep and I don’t think you’d like all that extra attention right now.”

He was right. If Logan and Patton came in here, Roman didn’t know what he’d do about it. It was the last thing he wanted, so Roman obeyed. “I just…I don’t know what to do…I can’t sleep until I find it.”

Virgil seemed to be thinking. He tugged on the neck of his pajama shirt before speaking. “How about we both make a deal?”

Roman lifted his head up to look at Virgil. “…Deal?”

“We’ll trade rooms for the night. There wouldn’t be a camera in my room if he’s trying to watch you, right?”

Roman paused. “…What if he’s watching you too?”

“I’ve lived here for two years. You think I wouldn’t have noticed a camera in my room by now?”

Roman thought about it. He did have a point, it was hard to go that long without finding the camera. Or at least, have your guardian have it slip that they’ve been watching you. And anything was better than staying in this place.

“…We can trade. Thanks.”

Virgil shrugged. “You know where my room is. Just slip in and don’t wreck all my shit.”

Roman laughed a little bit at that one. Virgil grabbed the sheets and covers off the floor and began to remake the bed as Roman grabbed his backpack and started to slowly open the door. But before he left, Roman had to say one more thing for his own piece of mind. “…Don’t touch my suitcases. I-I’ll know if you do.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “…I won’t.”

Roman opened the door and softly closed it behind him, slipping into the room next door covered in caution tape. He turned on the light and set his backpack down on the floor, looking around him at all the things that showed Virgil’s personality. Emo band posters covered the walls that were painted a dark purple, with dark wood furniture and Hot Topic decorations all over the place. Just looking at this room told him how angsty this kid was.

Roman shook it off and unzipped his backpack. He could deal with angsty decorations for the night, so long as this place could be safe from creeps. He took out his secret weapon from his backpack, something he secretly bought behind his aunt’s back with his babysitting money, the one item that made him feel secure in a home. He pulled out the security bar, locked Virgil’s door, and placed it under the door handle. Even if someone undid the lock, they wouldn’t be able to sneak inside while he was sleeping.

Roman’s heart calmed down a little for the first time in weeks. Even if it wasn’t much, he felt safe, maybe even safe enough to get some rest for once. Roman crawled into Virgil’s bed, covering himself in his very tasteful Jack Skellington covers, and tried to rest.

Roman’s hands still shook, and his head felt funny, but he eventually drifted off into a light sleep full of anxiety and nightmares.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 318: On Your Left

Previously on BnHA: The Hawksquad+Lurkers were all “well this sucks” and sat around a bit talking about how maybe they should actually come up with a new plan that is actually good, but then in the end they were like “nah.” Deku was all, “THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT PULLS BENEATH THE SURFACE!! CONSUMING, CONFUSING!! THIS LACK OF SELF CONTROL I FEAR IS NEVERENDING. IT’S HAUNTING HOW I CANT SEEM TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN. MY WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.” Just, literally that whole entire song. All Might was all “Deku you should take care of yourself, try eating a thing,” and Deku was all “BYE, ALL MIGHT,” and just LEFT. He left!!! What the fuck!!!

Today on BnHA: Endeavor is all, “maybe if Deku didn’t listen to All Might he’ll listen to me instead.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t listen to Endeavor]” because, well, yeah. The Vestiges are all, “surprisingly, even we are a little concerned -- maybe you should get some rest, kid.” Deku is all, “((Ò ‸ Ó)).” The Vestiges are all, “holy shit.” Deku is all, “[wanders the ruined city streets terrifying the populace on account of him looking like Shelob had a baby with one of the Nazgul].” Some shriveled-up puppeteer villain asshole is all, “HORIKOSHI SAID IT’S MY TURN TO ATTACK DEKU TODAY SO I AM GOING TO SUMMON MY FRIGHTENED HELPLESS ATTACK MOB!!” Kacchan is all “WHADDYA MEAN THEY FOUND THE NERD!!! -- oh wait, that’s me, I found him. I found the nerd, you guys.” And just in time, too. I was about to owe a whole lot of people a whole lot of dollars.

so I have been super good about spoilers this week as always, but let me tell you guys, for the past 36 hours my dash filters have basically been nonstop “manga spoilers” this and “bnha 318” that, and so I’m coming in with a fair amount of hype here. your move, Horikoshi

oh, good! they got Endeavor to call Deku to try to talk him out of it. what a great and wonderful plan

“listen up kid, you haven’t slept since March and you are basically a walking biohazard right now, I’m just telling it like it is. didn’t you get shot like three times?? and there was a whole thing about how you urgently needed medical attention?? and supposedly we gave it to you, but I mean you haven’t even changed your clothes and don’t seem to have any fresh bandages or anything, so did we?? did we, really?? and also we all got blown up yesterday, so yeah.” hmm he’s making some reasonable points here you guys, but you sure do go on and on, Endeavor

oh he says foreign aid is finally on its way! I’m sure they’ll be very helpful. I mean in fairness they can hardly be worse than the home-grown heroes at this point

hey Enji, could you maybe try appealing to Deku the sixteen-year-old human boy, as opposed to Deku The World’s Last Hope? he does have value beyond his quirk. I know that’s always been an incredibly difficult concept for you to grasp, but could you maybe TRY, jesus

and also we’re worried about you as a person?? you’re just a kid and you’re pushing yourself way too hard?? you were going to say that part next, right. why the hell didn’t Hawks make this call instead

“don’t worry about me... I’m completely fine” Deku you do understand that saying it over and over again doesn’t actually make it true

and again with the rush!! all the rush rush rush!! we’re running out of time, we can’t let AFO and Tomura keep getting stronger, I have to end this now, there’s no time to rest, etc. etc. etc. just the constant pressure of this whole big countdown on top of everything else

holy shit, you KNOW it’s bad when even the Vestiges are telling him to chill

these guys are basically the walking talking embodiments of self-sacrifice; if even they’re telling him he needs to take five, then he must seriously be like half a step away from death’s door

OH SHIT LMAO

DIDN’T EVEN LET HIM FINISH HIS SENTENCE BEFORE HE SENT HIM INTO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM WITH THAT FUCKING LOOK. HOLY FUCK. DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DIE TWICE. SHIT

(ETA: so I’m pretty sure this was just Danger Sense activating and so he cut them off to go do more hero stuff, but I’m gonna go ahead and stick to my original interpretation anyway lol.)

anyway so how’s everybody doing. we all good? En, you good? Banjou? Shino? I’m imagining you guys all curled up in a little ball on the floor right now lol. can’t say I blame you though, no shame

lmaoooooooooooo

“SHEESH.” sheesh indeed, lmao. “what in the FUCK was that”

see, this is why y’all need Kacchan. you need someone who’s not going to back down from him no matter what. if it’s a matter of out-stubborning Midoriya fucking Izuku, then there’s only one other person on the planet capable of that, and we all know it. don’t pretend like you don’t. I am not going to shut up about this! we’ve had our hurt so now what about SOME COMFORT, DAMMIT

“I’m afraid that he’s becoming influenced by my conscience” nah are you kidding Nana this is all 100% made-in-Japan pure original Deku right here

see, Banjou gets it. “that kid, he’s totally going on his own.” exactly. this was so inevitable it was basically scientific law

“well I for one don’t see the problem with Deku being so obsessed with saving everyone else that he pushes himself until his body and soul literally fall apart” okay, whose speech bubbles are these?? we’re about to have words

lol of course

well you always did prefer the direct route didn’t you. but even you can’t possibly think this is okay lol

dark AU!Kacchan please tell us more about your badass doomed timeline in which everything went to shit and you apparently had the same character arc that Deku is having right now except it somehow made you sexier instead of turning you into a rabid t-rex. I have so many questions

oh so now you want to help??? well -- good, actually. sorry if that sounded offended just now lol

(ETA: so at first when I got to the end of this chapter I was wondering if Katsuki B. had somehow summoned his alternate-universe counterpart through trippy OFA space telepathy lol. but in the original Japanese there’s no reference to “we”, so this appears to be a mistranslation. this line should probably read more like “if there’s something/someone out there that would be able to complement/complete the current Midoriya Izuku [it would be]…” which, oh hello, is that Horikoshi once again reaffirming that Deku and Bakugou complete each other lol. “guess what guys, the Vestiges ship it too" heck yeah. they know what’s up!)

look how admiring his boyfriends are. HORIKOSHI GIVE US THE REST OF THIS BACKSTORY ALREADY GODDAMMIT

“meanwhile somewhere in the depths of the ruined city, Deku was having a dance-off with the villains”

I like how the villains all have this “AHH WHAT THE FUCK” kind of body language to them lol. I mean if it were me, and an eldritch horror suddenly clawed its way from the shadows with its writhing glowy tentacles and pants-shitting nuclear death stare, I would probably just die on the spot. no need to stick around. only pain awaits

lol for a minute I thought this was Can’t Ya See-kun and I was like “WHAT A FASCINATING CROSSING OF PATHS” but it’s just some random girl

he seems genuinely confused lol

Deku it’s because you look like something that crawled out of a sewer drain, sweetheart

lol they just took his word for it?

so trusting. even though they’re immediately hauling ass anyway just to be safe lmao

“my appearance is frightening to others” no shit Deku it’s because you look like a fucking alien exorcism. you look like a Lich that got caught up in an oil spill my dude

NO NOT THE CHOSEN ONE ANGST AGAIN

I RAN OUT OF ESSAY JUICE FOR THIS ALREADY HORIKOSHI!! I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS NOW WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!! BUT ANYWAYS, GOOD!! I MEAN, BAD, THOUGH, OBVIOUSLY. BUT YES

“ENJOY THIS MONTAGE OF DEKU BATTLING A RANDOM KAIJU AND WANDERING THE WOODS LIKE A DERANGED GREEN BABA YAGA” okay yes but sir, exactly how much longer is this going to go on. if it’s a matter of you wanting to make sure we get it, let me assure you that aside from a few stray chuunis who think that Deku embracing the Darkness is the coolest thing he’s ever done, all of us here in fandom fully comprehend that this is Not Good

-- OH SO IT’S LIKE THAT

really. with the flashbacks to his loved ones’ smiling faces and everything. not even gonna try to aim above the belt, huh

AND NO KACCHAN??! NO CLASSMATES?!?! IS HE PURPOSELY NOT THINKING OF THEM??? OR ARE THEY BEING SAVED FOR THE NEXT PAGE??? SO HELP ME, IF THE NEXT PART OF THIS SENTENCE IS “CAN PROTECT THEM”, OR EVEN WORSE, “CAN SEE THEIR SMILING FACES AGAIN”, I...

WHAT DID I JUST SAY

(ETA: my man did Sero and Kaminari fucking dirty lmao. I miss their smiling faces too omg.)

the sheer, unparalleled irony of him saying this while he stands there looking like the gargoyle demon from Fantasia got crossed with an umbrella that got struck by lightning. Deku :(

oi who the fuck is this clown

is he controlling this mob with his evil hair. “what if I made an exhausted, running-on-fumes Deku battle a brainwashed mob at Ground Zero.” Horikoshi do you just have like a checklist of horrible things you want to do to your protagonist

easy there Sasori

well joke’s on you buddy because he’s apparently “completely fine”, so

“here’s to hoping that you know more about AFO’s location than the others” jesus christ Deku you really have hung your mercy out to dry huh

now he’s forcing his mob of terrified prisoners to attack Deku ahhhh. sucks to be them. at least they’re not being controlled by bees

so Deku is saying that Sasori’s control can be broken with “physical trauma.” similar to Shinsou’s quirk I guess. but so does that mean he’s gonna have to hurt them? ( •﹏•)

NO NOT MORE SAD EYES

“DEATH BY EMPATHY!!!” HORIKOSHI NO

fuck. he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out

this is what happens when you nerf a character’s self-preservation stats in favor of spamming their bone-breaking stats instead. NOW ACCEPTING BRAIN CELL DONATIONS FOR A BOY IN NEED!! with your loving generosity we can hopefully help him live to the ripe old age of seventeen

OMGFGGG

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[grabs your hands] ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ [swings you in a circle] へ(ﾟ◇ﾟへ)

THASSSSSSSS WHATSSSSSSS UPPPPPPPPPP

HORIKOSHI REALLY SAID FUCK THAT MASK (ノ°ο°)ノ YOU FINALLY LEARNED!! IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!

JUST FOR YOU KACCHAN, HORIKOSHI LEFT THIS ONE BAD GUY WHO’S STILL WEAK TO FIRE. GOD BLESS

IT’S YOUR COUNTERPART, KATSUKI B!!!! HOW WE DOIN OVER THERE IN THE TRIPPY COSMIC OFA SPACE REALM LOL. DO WE BELIEVE YET, FANDOM???

LIGHTS!!!!

INSTANT RESULTS!!! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

(ETA: imagine what this must look like to Deku though. he’s been caught up in this dark cloud of despair and exhaustion that’s been building up over... I’m gonna go ahead and say “weeks”, because yeah. and now he finds himself here, in the place where All Might’s legacy ended and the torch was passed to him. and the world is in ruins, and he’s surrounded by frightened people who are all trying to hurt him -- because who isn’t trying to hurt him, these days -- and he’s scrambling to figure this all out, but meanwhile the weariness is finally starting to catch up to him, and so he’s basically just standing there in a fog of complete and utter misery.

and then all of a sudden through that haze, he hears the one voice that’s more familiar than any other that he knows. like, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he thought he was just imagining it at first. Kacchan showing up to save him right when he’s at his most desperate and feeling the most alone. Kacchan, showing up to save him.

this is the person he always looked up to as a child (to be fair he was quite a strange child lmao). the person who was even closer to him than All Might. the person he always thought was amazing. and bam, here he is now. appearing in the sky out of nowhere to one-shot the bad guy with a single blast (which, btw, that was his armor-piercing attack too lmao dslkjlk take it easy there kiddo). like, that must have felt absolutely surreal to him, especially coming at a time when he’s already half-delirious and barely hanging on to reality. he must have really thought that he was losing it there for a second.

but he’s really there. it really is him. and for this brief moment -- before the rest of the situation catches up to him, and he remembers about all of the fucked-up AFO stuff, and remembers why he was so afraid and why he was pushing everyone away -- for just this one brief moment, he’s too exhausted and stunned to do anything except to just react. just stands there, looking up at him in awe.

and you know, it almost reminds me of...

just. you guys. the character development. the freaking character development. someone who brings reassurance. someone who shows up and makes you think, “oh, it’s all going to be okay now, because [person] is here.” the role reversals. the growth. the payoff!! because who is the one person who always had faith that Kacchan would one day grow up to become an amazing hero like that. WHO IS IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW.

omg. anyways, bless you Horikoshi, my feels which have been on backorder since fucking September have finally arrived lmao. yes, good, thank you. worth the wait. it is always, always worth the wait. fuck yeah.)

“LOWFRIES” SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THE WHOLE GANG IS HERE, AHHHHHHHH (º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ )

BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SENSATIONAL. I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT JUMP IS ON BREAK NEXT WEEK. THIS RIGHT HERE WILL SUSTAIN ME

[sortasirius]

“Inherit the Earth” and the Fakeout

Absolutely genius.  Amazing, iconic, legendary, something only our showrunner Andrew Dabb can pull off.

"But Lilly, the episode was so bad!  It was just the brothers, they didn’t look for Cas and Eileen!”

YES.  THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT.  THIS WAS A FAKE ENDING, THE END OF THE SEASON, NOT OF THE SERIES.

Let’s get into it.

An empty world.  No one left but Sam, Dean, and Jack.

So Dean ran, he somehow managed to pick himself up off the floor of the dungeon and meet up with Sam and Jack.  That jacket was this silent reminder.  Remember what I’ve been saying, Cas has occupied the negative space all season, this is no exception.

Dean can’t look either of them in the face, he’s doing that thing, where his eyes move everywhere BUT where he should look. 

“I couldn’t save anybody.”

Sam couldn’t save the world and Dean couldn’t save the one person that means the world to him.

“Where’s Cas?”

“Dean?”

I think it’s there, in that pause where Dean tries to push down the emotions, continue the fight, not think about the memories he left in the bunker, that Jack realizes what must have happened. Jack is the only one that knows about the deal, he has to know what Cas not being there must mean.

“He saved me.  Billie was coming after us.  Cas summoned the Empty.  It took her...and took him.  Cas is gone.”

This may shock you, but I am GLAD they didn’t talk about Cas, especially with what happens at the end of the episode.  Cas is allowed to just take up unsaid space.  It’s obvious he’s missing with the way they blocked things, obvious he’s missing here.  This whole “oh well they don’t care about Cas because they didn’t talk about him”?  Malarkey.

“Jack I’m sorry.”

Guilt.  Regret.  Pain.  Dean will carry this with him for the rest of his life.  Not only that he lost Cas, but that Sam lost Cas, that Jack lost Cas.

That SHOT, with the distance between Jack and Sam where Cas is SUPPOSED TO BE, and then a zoom out to...THE WORLD.

Okay, as usual, Bucklemming has the subtlety of a sledgehammer lmao.

Jack crying???  Praying to Cas????  Bruh?????

Also it’s just straight-up frightening for everything around my boy to die he is my baby son.

Also not to point out the incredibly obvious, but Dean starts drinking immediately, and continues drinking throughout the whole episode.  Grief arc 2.0 babey.

“We can what, Dean?  There’s no one left to save!  Everybody’s gone!”

“You can’t just give up.”

“What other choice do we have!”

Idk why, but for Sam, who’s the constant, the one who’s always had hope, through everything, through all these years, when he finally says this, when he finally loses his hope?  It hits the hardest.  Sam is the leader, so not only is he grieving the loss of Eileen, he is a general grieving the loss of his soldiers, his friends, the world that he feels the duty to save.

When they go to meet Chuck, I just can’t get that image of Dean, leaning against the car, handprint still on his jacket, staring at the ground out of my head.  It takes him a few seconds to catch up to Sam, like he’s pulled out of thoughts like deep dark water.  Remember friends, it doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.

Chuck wearing BLACK?  FEAR.

“That’s right, the whole Cain and Abel thing.  Us dead, whatever.  I’ll kill Sam, Sam’ll kill me, we’ll kill each other.  Okay, you pick.  But first?  You gotta put everything back the way it was.  The people, the birds...Cas.  You gotta bring him back.”

Willing to kill his brother.  Willing to die.  Tears in his eyes, begging God to bring Cas back.

And Chuck?  Chuck doesn’t care about their surrender, he knows he’s already got them beaten.  He cares about their pain, he cares about them suffering, because to him?  That’s the entertainment.  He’s not entertained by their found family, by their happiness, by their joy.  He wants them to suffer, all of them.

“Eternal shame.  Suffering.  And loneliness.”

And he leaves them with just that.  No hope, no family, just the three of them, broken, alone.  Jack locked in his bedroom, Sam trying desperately to make life “normal” again.  And Dean.  Dean who drank so much he passed out on the floor.

He doesn’t feel terrific, he feels like shit, because not only is he dealing with the shame of an empty planet, he’s dealing with the guilt of being back in the place where the Empty took Cas.

This whole thing with the dog was just absolutely heartwrenching shit and if I didn’t hate Chuck before, him snapping Miracle right in front of an already fragile Dean would seal that deal.

I just want everyone to know that this is a Jake Abel stan account.

“Daddy’s boy” is a big insult for my boy Dean to use considering his own past with his trash abusive father but I’ll allow it.

I do think it’s interesting, ending of his arc aside, that Michael is willing to help them now.  What changed?  Sure, he ended up trying to help Chuck, running back to his father, but why get back in the game?  I wonder if it has anything to do with the loss of Adam.  It’s an interesting parallel, a man loses his angel while an angel loses his human.

Everything is so DARK in the Bunker now too, even the lighting is loud.

When I tell you I lost my shit when I saw Cas was calling Dean, when I heard Misha’s voice??  I knew it didn’t make any sense but I didn’t care, I would’ve been one step behind Dean as he sprinted towards the door.

Fuck you, Eugenie.

I mean it’s torture not only to Dean, who looks beyond fucking crushed when it’s damn Lucifer at the door, but for us too.  Who the FUCK wanted Lucifer back?  And to tease Cas???  Garbage.

I mean...fam.  Listen, we know who’s writing this episode, this whole Betty thing is just like blatantly unnecessary but again, Eugenie loves Lucifer, gotta distract her with a shiny toy lmao.

It was cool to see Michael and Lucifer onscreen together.  It was a cool dynamic that we rarely got to see.

The whole episode is just twist after twist.  Listen, it’s their last episode so I guess they needed to fit in a season worth of twists in one episode.

Bye Lucifer.  We know Eugenie can’t bring him back.  Blessings to all.

This scene with Adam is the FOURTH scene where Dean is drinking...big yikes to my guy’s liver.

Here’s the thing about Michael.  He’s a mirror for Dean in season 5.  Loyal to an absent father.  He has never changed, but Dean has.  Dean is able to acknowledge now, the trauma that his father put him through, he was able to move past the need for pleasing him at any cost.  Michael and Chuck?  Are John and Dean, if Dean had never been allowed to grow.  And Chuck proves, like John did, that he would always put his wants (in John’s case “the mission”) over his children.

Also not to beat a dead horse but Michael’s death was also peak Eugenie.

Sam getting to punch Chuck in the face?  Thank you, he deserves that.

Obviously I don’t love any scene of my boys getting brutally beaten.  But what I love, what I will always love about them, is what Chuck hates about them:  they won’t ever give up.  They know they won’t win against him, they don’t even land any hits, but that’s not what matters.  What matters is their controller doesn’t control them anymore, that they really are free.  No matter how hard they get hit, the get back up.  It is their choice to stand up to him, no matter the cost.

The moment where Sam and Dean are supporting each other, covered in blood, and they look God in the face, and they laugh.  That is why I will love them unconditionally for the rest of my life.  That is who they are, they will never cow to the villain, whether that’s Azazel or Alastair or Zachariah or Lucifer or Amara or Death or Metatron or Cain or God.  They will always choose to stand up.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because.  You lose.”

Chills.  What a line.

And Chuck is left, small, human, no longer a villain, no longer anything.

Gotta be real, woulda been nice to, idk, not see all this essential plot in a flashback, but I know I can only ask so much of Bucklemming.

For Dean to walk away from killing Chuck, right after he’s called him “the ultimate killer” is quite simply the most beautifully heartwrenching thing I could ever ask for.  Because that��s who Dean was under Chuck, that’s who Chuck wanted him to be.

And he would have before:

But he’s heard some things since then, heard some things about how others see him.  Not as the killer, not as a monster, not as angry and broken or his daddy’s blunt instrument:

I’m not saying that Dean doesn’t kill Chuck for Cas.  He doesn’t kill Chuck because he doesn’t think he has to anymore, he doesn’t kill Chuck because he listened to Cas, he took Cas’ words to heart.  He made the choice not to be the killer.

“See that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are.”

And Chuck is angry, because he thought, after everything, even after losing, that he would still know Dean well enough to know that he would kill him.  But Chuck has never really known Dean, he has never understood where he’s really come from.  Cas understood, Sam and Jack understand, but Chuck never did, and writing off Dean as angry and broken is his biggest mistake, because that’s never been Dean.

“It’s not his power anymore.”

And it’s not just his physical power, it’s his power over the story, over the boys that’s the real power taken from him.

For Jack to be the one to bring everyone back, for him to be the hero of the story?  That’s poetic right there.  Now, I will say, I don’t think this story ends with him as God, because for him, the child, to take on this burden, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me for his arc, but we shall see next week.  It felt pretty tied up, but there’s one major loose end: and that’s Jack seeing Cas again.

“Just you and me, going wherever the story takes us.  Just us.”

“Finally free.”

This doesn’t feel triumphant to me, it doesn’t feel like relief.  It feels like they’ve settled, like this is the best they’re going to get, so they might as well make the best of it, at least they have each other.

For Cas and Jack to be carved into the table?  I cry.

And for the montage, very similar to “Swan Song” to be set to “Runnin on Empty”?  Sorry but that’s just too sus to be ignored.

They packaged this episode as an ending, because for many, it might be.  The season’s story, the season about fighting Chuck is over.  So, you might be asking (or, well, screaming, judging by my replies lol), what’s left?  And that’s a good question, Chuck has been defeated, so what is left?  What’s left is what’s really mattered all season: the relationships that have been crafted over the years.  Dean and Sam’s unhappiness at the end of the episode, where “just you and me” sounded more of a grudging acceptance than anything else, is one of the clues that has to be looked at.  Why didn’t Sam find Eileen, why didn’t Jack bring back Cas?  Those two characters specifically are the ones we need to watch out for.  As I’ve said over and over again, peace, contentment, satisfaction, those don’t come from Sam and Dean on the open road together anymore.  They have a family, more of a family than they did when they started hunting together all those years ago, and that family is what holds them together.  They need each other, of course, but each other isn’t enough anymore.  Sam needs Eileen, Dean needs Cas.  That is where they will find their peace.

This episode, as many written by Bucklemming was sloppy, rushed, packed full of shit, and had little gems that we can talk about forever, but that was the end of the season, and next week?  Andrew Dabb brings us home, where Dean and Sam will finally be able to choose what they want for themselves, and that, my friends, is Eileen and Cas.