#well she hasn't yet has she?
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I wonder if people realize that if they don't like the way someone is organizing a fandom event, they can just make their own. They don't have to be nasty to the person heading up the event they don't like. They don't have to send anon messages with intent to make them feel bad. They don't have to spread lies about the person heading up the event. They don't have to do anything like this.
They can literally just make their own event. No one is stopping them.
But I guess I shouldn't expect better from this crowd.
#SG week backstage#and to think these people said#if i just did my thing#the person who has been harassing me for years#would leave me alone#well she hasn't yet has she?#why would she drop it now?#I'm still doing it again next year#like#just make your own fucking event
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Hellaverse G/t Appreciation Post
#g/t#giant/tiny#g/t community#size difference#hellaverse#helluva boss#hazbin hotel#I hope you all know I had to resist grabbing more screenshots of giant Ozzie holding Fizz#because really scenes of Giant Ozzie protecting/holding Fizz could be its own separate post#also apologies that this is mostly helluva boss#while hazbin does have some good stuff#it hasn't popped up quite as often yet#couldn't really get any good screenshots of that one dino overlord#which is a shame cuz she has a cool design#ah well#helluva asmodeus#helluva mammon#fizzarolli#helluva fizzarolli#helluva beelzebub#hazbin lucifer#alastor the radio demon#hazbin alastor#helluva loona#helluva tex#vortex#helluva millie
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In 'vis a vis' Janeway doesn't mention B'Elanna in the list of people who're worried about Tom which implies that B'Elanna didn't report the fact that "Tom" grabbed her arm, called her a disappointment and broke up with her (as Janeway definitely would have mentioned it as evidence of him acting strange if she knew about it) which makes sense on several different fronts but also makes me scream and cry loud enough to break glass.
#it reminds me of that time in 'Alice' (NOT related as vis a vis takes place seasons BEFORE 'Alice') but when B'Elanna says Tom:#'practically assaulted me' Janeway's not taking it seriously at all she says 'that doesn't sound like Tom' and I was like CAPTAIN??? DEATH?#but again that has no bearing on this in-universe bc that hasn't happened yet. REALLY I'm screaming and crying about B'Elanna's self esteem#issues which Steth literally manifested the worst case scenario of#Tom's little gesture when he gets back also goes over so well bc of this in MY mind.#Tom wanting her and Tom being with her is something B'Elanna wants regardless of how he actually acts in their relationship#(as long as it isn't abusive). He rarely puts her first without prompting or complaining BUT...he's a handsome human guy who wants her to b#his girlfriend. Ostensibly. And that's a prize you wanna hold onto.#God I love B'Elanna............#did she tell ANYONE or did she just sit with that interaction alone???#her not telling anyone implies that she DIDN'T go 'hey that's not like Tom! I should inform the captain of this incident!'#and that KILLS me dude...she's not like 'Something's terribly wrong with Tom or maybe that's an imposter!' she's like 'Tom said/did that to#me.' SCREAMING. SCREAMING. TOM. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS /BAD/ WITH B'ELANNA.
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a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar
#hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nils hiiii 💗🤭#let me get my important tags out of the way so i can write you a novella in the rest of them#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#the sims 4#nils#i've been exploring his character 🏃♂️#his full name is nils pelletier he's from canada originally he went to nyc for college and stayed there forever#he didn't grow up with much but he was really good at school so he got a scholarship and he was very very determined to become rich#he interned at frankie's dad's company and was offered a full time position after he graduated yayy you made it. i guess :| (evil company)#he's always been very stern very serious very quiet he's never had many if any friends. he was a deeply unhappy child#his parents weren't even bad they're nice and supportive and tried their best#he was married and has one son but he hasn't been married for a while. i don't know if it's divorce or death or what yet#it was the first girl he ever had a relationship with and he was also her first relationship#a very dull marriage but again not a bad one. she was nice and supportive and tried her best#it seemed like it was what they were supposed to do. get married and have a child bam done you did what was expected congrats#they barely ever even argued it was just. well loveless seems a harsh word. and 'well they were friends at least' seems untruthful#anyway he often has to be frankie's handler because frankie's dad is his boss and he does what he's told always#frankie's really difficult though
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Here is the first headcanon we are expanding on:
-I think once adopted, Spider is a mama’s boy. He craves physical attention and he has been raised essentially Na’vi in a way that Jake hasn’t. I think he would connect with Neytiri’s parenting style more, I think they’d do a lot of weird shit together that the other kids would rather die than help with, like cooking or mending shit. I think Spider would be literally delighted to help with boring household chores with his mother and that’s so mamas boy of him. He’s a “mother, do you need help with dinner, can I do the dishes so you can sit down?” kid while all the rest of them are gagging and calling him a suck up in the background.
-Spider likes cooking. It's always been something he could help with easily even if he couldn't always eat what was being made. Kiri hates cooking and always has because she hates when her brothers expect her to cook. On Jake and Neytiri's date nights to avoid a fight, Spider would always just offer to help Neteyam.
-Neytiri does most of the cooking for the family. Jake is not a bad cook, he's just not a good cook. He has skills but they are mediocre. She does not mind, because she likes it. It's a chance to personally use Eywa's gifts and transfer them into energy for her family, a way to thank Eywa herself instead of just accepting the bowl from the clan cookfires. It's a calming mental reset every time, and the natural conclusion to every hunting trip.
-None of her children have taken any interest in this particular lifeskill. Kiri, who would sooner let her attention drift and let the cookfire burn the mauri to the ground, doesn't have the attention span for anything other than Eywa. Lo'ak has to be essentially bound and shackled to the cookfire to do any work, and he complains the entire time to the point that Neytiri gets a headache. Neteyam always helps with no complaints, but he obviously does not enjoy it much and it always makes Neytiri feel bad for forcing him because he's the most agreeable. Tuk is too young to be anything other than a nuisance during a task like that.
-So it's comes as a great surprise when, after Neteyam was shot and the demon child rescued, she finds him watching her every move every time she prepares a meal.
-At first she thinks it's because of the boat and the cut on his chest. The knife in her hand as she chops the roots. It's not not that, but it is something more. A curiosity for the direction she stirs a boiling pot, and for the order she adds the spices.
-It had honestly never occurred to Neytiri at all that the child had a personality or interests outside of things mimicked from her children. Insolence and loyalty from Lo'ak, disobedience and morality from Kiri, honesty and stubbornness from Neteyam, even playfulness from Tuk. But none of her kids are at all interested in cooking.
-Spider and Neteyam are both confined to the mauri for recovery, and Neteyam is out like a light by eclipse every night and has to be awoken for evening meal. Spider is silent at Neteyam's side, where he spends most of his time, like Neteyam has to watch him to be sure he's there. She doesn't ask him, just slides over a cutting board and a knife and then passes him a vegetable to cut.
-Neytiri would have to be blind to not notice how perfectly he copies her cuts from before.
-That continues, with Jake and the other kids none the wiser, for a few days, until eventually she puts him in charge of stirring. He has to leave the safety of Neteyam for that, but the lure of the task is too great. He stirs, counterclockwise four times and clockwise twice, just like she always does.
-The next night she tests him. Asks him to get out the ingredients for a certain meal, the one she made the first night she noticed him watching, over a week ago. He doesn't miss a thing. They work shoulder to shoulder, side by side. Every night on, she has him fetch the ingredients unless she shows him something new.
-Tuk is the first to catch them in their silent little game, coming in to see if Neytiri will deem Spider well enough to at least come see the stars, which look particularly clear that night. Neytiri says he can go, and is shocked by how sad he looks for one second before turning to Tuk, like she'd kicked him.
-When she directs him to start the meal the next night he seems surprised, and she realizes he thought the dismissal the night before was a permanent one. So when Tuk comes for him again when he's helping with lunch, she tells Tuk that he's busy. She is not good at reading body language without a tail or ears to judge with, but he turns even pinker than usual and seems to vibrate with energy for the rest of the day.
-Neytiri is fairly sure the entire family knows about the cooking thing, because she's pretty sure Neteyam is not actually asleep at every mealtime still at this point. He's really recovered a lot by now, and she's pretty sure he ratted her out and that's why the mauri becomes essentially off limits to everyone besides her and Spider during every meal prep time. Sometimes she thinks she can hear Kiri and Lo'ak chasing someone off who was trying to come visit.
-Spider and her do not talk for the most part, they just become increasingly in tune with each others movements. Cooking with someone is a hard pairing to match, and Neytiri usually finds it incredibly frustrating, even with Jake sometimes. Spider seems to be able to read her mind, hand her the exact right spice before she even finished the thought about how it was needed, or finishing dicing at the exact moment the vegetables need to be added.
-She finds his personality in tweaks he adds to her recipes, some needed to adjust for his human palate, but always compensated for in an explosion of creativity between them both to find an adequate or even superior substitute. She apologizes in lessons, basics and then the hard stuff, things she should've been teaching him for years. They learn in tandem, each other and the Metkayina cuisine, types of squid and clams and seaweed that add tastes that must be enhanced and balanced with the correct tools, just as a child must be to grow properly.
-She finds herself mourning days alone at the cookfire, or days with one of her other kids who wanted to be anywhere else. Days where he was likely waiting for them outside, interested in what she was doing but not wiling to ask.
-There is no direct apology, not yet. For now it is learning, and building new memories and experiences. His songcord, which she has now seen, is basically a recipe book at this point, Jake says. But so is hers. Songs of slicing meat that provides energy from Eywa, and souls meeting souls for the first time.
#my little brother is like this hes so spidercore#or actually in this post spider is so timbocore#love the idea of neytiri being like well spiders pretty honest and loyal but he stole that shit from neteyam and lo'ak so#not really#she has all these good traits for him in her mind but she won't allow herself to attribute them to him quite yet#but even the bad traits she finds she associates with her kids too so they aren't that bad#but that hasn't cLICKED yet#someone: neytiri hows spider#neytiri: well he's a great kid but neteyam was first so he's jsut copying him#ugh it's so perfect to me because we're all always saying that spider mimics the na'vi because no one ever teaches him besides the sully ki#so he learns by watching and copying#and subconciously neytiri knows this#neytiri sully#miles spider socorro#spider socorro#spider sully#tuktirey sully#kiri sully#lo'ak sully#jake sully#neteyam sully#avatar#avatar the way of water#james cameron avatar#melissa on avatar (cameron)#melissa og#we are mindmelding get in#spider sully post wow
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oh there is something good that came out of january:
i got engaged!
#well technically he hasn't asked me because the ring won't be here until the end of the month#but it's a formality#i've already said yes and we've already told the family#there was an anxious part of me that was like ''oh no what if the ring gets here and i don't like it in-person''#which got shut up by ''um then you send it back and get a new one????''#but yeah!!!#we've been together a year and it felt like we'd been together for weeks before we actually started dating#i thought i'd feel scared but actually i just feel giddy#i used to roll my eyes at my mom when she said ''when you know you know'' but actually...#yeah. when you know‚ you just... know#he's sweet and dorky and calm (which balances amd soothes my anxiety in a way i didn't think was possible) and supportive and#understanding and also independent bc he's also in his 30s and demisexual and had been single for a long time for the same reason as me#(just never meeting people you clicked with at all) and he came recommended by a trusted friend and he has a lot of female friends#none of whom he has any romantic interest in and none of whom are either a) romantically interested or b) made uncomfortable#(idk some people [including his toxic ex-fiancee] would take that as a red flag but like. if multiple women consider him a good friend#that means that he has passed *many* red flag tests and shows respect for women he isn't romantically involved with at all)#(and i trust him? even at the start when i didn't love him yet i could tell from how he talked to and about them that it's *obviously*#platonic. i don't get women who feel threatened by their s.o. having female friends like girl if he's worth being with#then you have nothing to fear.)#he passed all the tests life has thrown at us - especially the big one when maw-maw died - with flying colors#i just. i can't imagine him not being here. not hearing his dumb jokes or made-up songs. not seeing him all the time. not cuddling.#it just... feels so natural
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Do you think your other OCs are sad that Felix Buzz Lightyear’d them?
to be honest I think I'm more sad about it than any of them would be :'D when will my girl return from the war (me not having any particular motivation to draw her).......
but also like. it's not like I was drawing elyss a lot before. you know?
#shorthistorian#'Buzz Lightyaer'd em' is such a good way to put it though fdjkhfdkjgdf#WOOOOW NEW TOY#but yeah like... I dunno. I was already drawing mostly just melliwyk by the time felix hit the scene#all my campaigns are run and populated by adults with jobs and kids so... they've all kind of chugged to near-standstill lately#felix is still new enough that his campaign slowing down feels more like freedom to play than being trapped in stasis#I miss my gorls though ;n; there's just. I dunno. less to explore with them now I guess#and elyss's campaign is coming up on TEN(!!!!) years now AND has been... a huge bummer for A While so :'D#felix is my Shiny New Toy that hasn't been broken by someone else yet aahah. elyss would just be happy she can rest.#REALLY if they were aware of the meta FELIX would be SO stressed by this much spotlight lmao#by the way. if this was idri bait well played and if not you're welcome lmaoooo#about me#my art#my OCs#elyss#melliwyk#idri#felix#look at my gnomes boy
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eddie comes out as a trans woman and stevies internally like. uh oh.
and then eddie's like yeah im still pretty butch tho so i don't think im gonna like. femme it up too much. and then stevies like oh thank fuck. i mean you do you and i always love and support you but if you went Full Femme you'd literally be nancys twin and i wouldnt have the strength to withstand robins bullying if she found out i ended up dating a carbon copy of my ex
#across town robin straightens up like. i sense a disturbance in the force. stevie just dodged a fuckn bullet#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#transfem eddie munson#left it ambiguous but even if steve hasn't bred transed here yet. She Will Be#t4t steddie#also transfem eddie and nancy standing next to each other like the before and after of a movie makeover#they go as both versions of that girl from the breakfast club for halloween one year#it has taken until now to realise my phone autocorrected been to bred#assigned breeding kink by siri she knows me so well
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I want to build a pillow fort for Maia to hide in. Comfy and warm, and arguably safe, with a little sign saying "Maia entry only"
I want so badly to reply to this one with a sketch, but I've not had time to.. maybe I'll get a moment to sooner than later, but with that said: What about the stupid little fox sitting outside the pillow fort wanting friendship another snack ?
#solivaga#soli asks#I mean I agree 100% she needs her own little pillow fort#tho I guess her dorm functions well enough#since the suite bedrooms are singles and she has her sanctuary of privacy there#but she hasn't gotten to go back home yet now has she!#maybe best not to take wild animals back to the dorms tho...#not that that's ever stopped a certain someone probably
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I have been reminded that s3 is one big sigh. my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined
#st#karen is flirting with a kid her daughter's age#mike is conforming#hopper is deciding that mike being evil is easier than talking about his feelings#dustin's being all 'woe is me' and forgetting that he left mike behind FIRST at the snow ball#the second hand embarrassment with steve is way too strong#lucas is teasing mike about spending all his time with el AS IF IT WASN'T UNDER LUCAS' INFLUENCE#max is - well she hasn't done anything yet. she's still on mike's side. it's coming though#and el's just stuck in the middle as usual#i hate watching early season robin cause the 'love interest for steve' energy is so strong#BE GAY FASTER#i will soon remember that i do actually like will even if his stans scare me and are insane#he's fine in this season#moreso than everyone else#nancy herself is fine but she's working a job with a bunch of misogynistic assholes when she literally DOESN'T NEED TO#SHE'S NOT JONATHAN SHE HAS THE MONEY#and joyce is running away from her feelings and channeling her grief into magnets that keep making her bob drawing fall off the fridge#everyone is just The Worst#i am the number one championer of character flaws and the growth that comes from those flaws#but jesus it's so much#retroactively we know robin is masking her neurodivergence to appear cool and unaffected too so she's not even free of it#although it's sweet that she's trying to help steve with girls#despite the 'you suck' scoreboard
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Decided to do some lil' piccrews of the team as kids to help deal with irl stress right now. Order of the pics are in the tags and this was fun to portray everyone as when they were younger!
#art#well. technically jsjsjs#found in body lost in mind (skaar)#one man army (red)#the man inside the monster (bruce)#green goddess (jen)#he swims in a sea of regret (samuel)#movie star (rick)#in terms of Gender;#Jen has only Just realised 'he' wants to be a girl and this is kinda the midway of growing out 'his' hair and wearing girlier clothes#while Sam hasn't cracked that egg yet and just thinks she's a tomboy#anyway enjoy Widdle Smashers while i scream into the void over job interviews
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the t-rated beginning to what would be a lemon featuring (1) transgender Nana, (2) a porn trope so shamelessly horny and weird about women i feel compelled to say that kotarou is NOT conceived between them, and (3) the friends-with-benefits nanahiko situationship of all time
wc: ~1.2k
//
“I’m back!” Shimura cried out, gracefully sliding through the open window of their shared office space. It was a practice they maintained if one of them had to stay tied to the desk (for overdue paperwork, if nothing else). Since she was in the habit of letting her boots hit the floor with a thump, Sorahiko didn’t flinch from the noise.
What did cause him to look up was the lack of any indicators to Sorahiko’s missing lunch. Shimura had been gone for two hours with no warning other than a brief text. His emergency stash of taiyaki eased the worst of his hunger, but he was, to be blunt, annoyed that she hadn’t picked up even a courtesy carton of yakisoba.
And then he forgot to be annoyed.
“Shimura?” he asked.
She twirled around. Her skirt and cape flared, her hair swung with the movement, and Sorahiko gaped, because the flight suit had been tailored, but never had it had to accommodate these particular curves. Thighs. Hips. Waist. Breasts.
The buzzing, useless voice in his head insisted that this could not possibly be Shimura, because for the entirety of their friendship, Shimura had had the figure of a man.
Well. Perhaps he could be more frank in his head.
For the entirety of their friendship, Shimura identified as a woman. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t removed the fish and tackle, or that her pectorals were dense muscle and not fatty tissue. It didn’t matter that she sometimes arrived to the agency with a ghost of stubble, or that her throat had a defined bump. If it weren’t for Japan being a little reluctant to get with the times, Seventh Wonder would be giving Recovery Girl a run for her money at the gendered popularity rankings.
This absurdly fantastical vision of a buxom, muscled woman of incredible stature was undoubtedly Shimura’s dream-goal. But—how?
“Who the fuck hit you with a Sex Quirk?” Sorahiko demanded.
“Sex Change Quirk, Sorahiko,” she corrected. The register for her voice was still low, a warm seductive sound with the same lilt, the same cadence. “And who said I didn’t ask for it, hm?”
“Who, Shimura?”
“Ah, relax, it was Minamori-chan. You know, the lady who ducked the illegal Quirk usage ticket because you’re an ally, and I’m a member of the community?”
“… I remember,” Sorahiko partially lied. Minamori. Illegal Quirk usage ticket, but never recorded. Caught on-site at some independent filming location. His memories informed him it was a barely furnished apartment studio that benefited from Jet’s gusts of wind. Shimura had gotten her number. “I remember her Quirk affects bodies, but didn’t they revert within the day or whatever?”
Shimura stopped at the front of his desk and slapped her gloved palms on the surface. “That’s the thing! I asked her a while back whether or not she’d figured out how to make the change permanent, and—well! You’ll find this funny. For one whole lunar cycle, if you wanted to keep a male body, you had to, uh, empty the tank. So to speak.”
“The tank,” he echoed.
“Come dry every night,” she said, and Sorahiko wanted to sink into his seat and wither away in embarrassment. He didn’t even have a minute to sit with this particular statement, because then Shimura said, “And if you want to keep a female body, you… uh… you have to just. Be. Well. Ejaculated into? Every night?”
“I’m sorry,” Sorahiko said blankly, half his attention fixed on the task of not staring at Shimura’s new chest, eye-catching as that bust was. “The condition for permanence was what?”
“Don’t make me repeat it,” she whined.
He re-worded it for her. “Who the fuck has a Sex Quirk—”
“Sex Change, Sorahiko—”
“Some kind of porn trope of a Quirk with the condition that you need to be inseminated from one new moon to the next?!” he barked. He shook his head like a dog trying to shake water from its coat, except in his case, it was him trying to shake off the thought of Shimura being—goddamn it—fucked raw. And, if it hadn’t been clear yet, bred like there was nothing more to her desired body than her uterus. His mouth twisted. “You don’t need a baby to be a woman, Shimura.”
“I know that,” Shimura said.
“Can’t you transition using, I don’t know, shots and gels?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” she said, “if I had the goshdarn money, partner.” She gestured at her body, drawing full attention to—everything. If Shimura had been built before, she was stacked now. Sorahiko was rapidly coming to terms with his apparently flexible sexuality. “I didn’t have an issue with how long it would take. I would’ve waited years for the surgeries. The problem is that our medical insurance doesn’t cover transitioning.”
“I know that,” Sorahiko protested. “But surely you don’t want to have unsafe sex with strangers?”
She gave him a cagey look. It was remarkably similar to her guilty one. “It doesn’t have to be with a stranger…”
He jerked upright. Surely—no. They had mutual friends, and friends who were out of each other’s network. People who they wouldn’t have to see for work in the day after a night in bed. But Shimura was circling his desk and trapping him at his seat, kneeling and holding his wrists at the arms of the chair. There was a new curve to her jawline; had she wanted it softened? Was his memory already adjusting to accommodate Shimura’s favored form? She said, “It needs to be nightly, Sorahiko.”
There was something like panic building in his nerves. “Me. Me? The whole time?”
“Do you—not like women?”
The crestfallen note in her voice caused Sorahiko’s panic to boil over. “Women are great,” he said loudly, tripping over the sheer inanity of the statement. “They’re—they’re awesome. I love ‘em. But, uh, I don’t know if you want me to—every night?”
“I trust you,” she said plainly.
This, on top of everything else, lanced his anxiety and bled it clean down to his most basic instinct: to be her best friend, her partner through thick and thin, her fucking (pun not intended, shit) bulwark against the bigots of her family and society. Sorahiko swallowed his self-doubt and steeled himself. He nodded. He said, “Alright, Shimura. You’re happy with how you look, though? No buyer’s remorse?”
She grinned. “Sorahiko, I couldn’t get better boobs if I tried.”
A bubble of helpless, affectionate laughter escaped him. “Ha! Ha, yeah, they’re—geez, you look good, Shimura. You’re happy, I’m happy.”
“I’m happy,” she echoed, and she boosted herself to her feet by pushing her hands against his knees. Sorahiko got a glorious eyeful of her chest rising above him. “We’ll talk after work, yeah? Hash out the specifics.”
“Yeah, sure. My place?”
“You’ve got the nicer bed.”
“And a stocked kitchen.” When Shimura scoffed and pretended to dust off her red half-skirt, Sorahiko cleared his own throat and bravely ruined the mood. Because if Shimura was going to retain her new anatomy and physiology for the future, then… “Should I buy you, uh, sanitary… pads? Tampons?”
Shimura pursed her lips. “Are you asking if you have to suffer period sex?”
“I’d do it for you,” he said honestly.
“That’s…” She bounced on her heels, and it took everything for Sorahiko to study her hair (still shoulder-length, but he knew Shimura wanted to grow it out longer) instead of the new perkiness of her assets. “That’s really heartwarming, Sorahiko! I don’t think Minamori-chan said anything about a menstrual cycle for the first month, but I’ll ask her later.”
“Alright.”
She grinned down at him. “Wanna go clothes shopping with me and Chiyo-chan?”
“I have limits, Shimura.”
#bnha#nanahiko#shimura nana#gran torino#torino sorahiko#shih.txt#d-december#lemon#well. lemon-adjacent but i err on the side of caution#i am posting this in part because why the hell not#and because i feel like a trend with trans characters has been to just write lemons of them#so i thought it'd be fun to lean into it with awareness#behind the scenes detail: they found minamori at an adult film studio location. sorahiko was oblivious to this.#detail 2: sorahiko calls her shimura because she hasn't picked out 'nana' yet
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Literally without fail every couple of weeks my manager will be like "this communication should have gone out already, why have you not sent it???" and I have to find a polite way to be like, girl YOU didn't approve it
#like i literally sent you a draft and also reminded you that it was waiting for you to review idk wtf else you want me to do here#and yet every time something doesn't go out bc she hasn't signed off on it yet (which as she has stressed many times is absolutely required#she comes out with full righteous indignantion like 'WHY have you not done your JOB???' and every time i have to be like 'Hey! That was sen#to you for review [insert day] have you had the chance to review it yet? So sorry if you did and i missed your message ☺️' when we both#fucking know that i didn't miss shit and this is her fault and she'll be like 'ill take a look now.' with this tone like she's letting me#off with a warning and like. maam i literally don't know what you want from me here#we can keep playing this game ig but at what point do you stop with the automatic assumption that its my fault bc its getting embarrassing#its not even that she assumes its me its that she always comes out guns blazing and then has to be like 'oh. well.' like how are you#not embarrassed about this by now
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r/v + loneliness.
102 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch. 4 / 4 / 8 / Art Wallace, Shadows on the Wall / 603 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch 4. / 473 / Richard Sherman, Demo: "Lovely, Lonely Man/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Finale" / 2
#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#compilation tag#idk I have just been Thinking about this since that gifset lol.#‘I’ll blame it on you‚’ she says — because you are the one who has brought me here‚ she thinks#because she seems to anticipate even in their first meeting that she will play Eyre and he Rochester.#there had better be many more such tête-à-tête’s on the cliff side or she’ll be terribly disappointed !#[and not only cliffside proselytizing: barging into her room at all hours‚ chasing her around town‚ dragging her bodily into the drawing#room‚ and‚ occasionally on a good day‚ an actual genuine date or a meal sometime.]#Roger has –– in theory –– everything that she wants. a family‚ a home‚ a wife and child‚ history and ancestry! boy does he have that!#and yet he is terribly terribly alone in this well he has poisoned.#(from which‚ I might add‚ vicki drinks greedily.)#''What do you want out of life?'' when he's already achieved (or so it appears on the outside) the midcentury blazon of success:#a family‚ a well-to-do office position at which he really does nothing‚ a succession of american-made sports cars.#he may be separated from his wife but together‚ he and elizbeth and david and carolyn form a mimetic image of the nuclear family.#to which vicki is desperate to grasp onto‚ even in its most nightmarish form‚ whether or not she realizes that's why she stays.#but what does he want? he wants the same thing she wants. love and companionship. (that he hasn't yet ruined. that he can't stop ruining.)#she may not precisely understand his type of loneliness but she knows about loneliness among people. she's lived it.#and she knows too about ... a visceral loneliness pushing you to push people even further away (as in the childhood story she tells david).#so she sees through his fronts a lot of the time‚ whether they be a layer of charm‚ or terror. and boy does he hate that. being seen for#something real. where his actions matter and produce consequences. where feeling is real – good or bad.#the little governess and her capacity to find shadows to throw light on! whether they be locked chambers in the basement or the atria.
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and what if i finally decided on a fc for anna / mrs. em.ily. what then. ( do you love her )
#☽—— ⸢ my edit ⸥#˖ ♡ 𝒻𝒸. » heart aching ( anna emily )#f n a f /#me: hasn't written her because i hadn't decided on an fc#also me: i should add her as a full muse now ( i won't yet i promise lmaooo )#i've literally written out her muse bio and everything tho in notion lmao#she's a manager in a bookstore and she's from a town in arizona right near the border of utah#her parents are chinese immigrants and she has two sisters she adores#she wants to own her own business one day and is super supportive of henry's work while they're together#like she's so down to brainstorm with him ( & william if he's willing lmao ) and is def smart when it comes to business stuff#( and not in a cutting corners way either. glances at both my henry and william. )#and she's a very good mom to charlie as well as a good aunt-like figure to the af.ton kids#love love love the idea of her and mrs. af.ton as best friends even once they've both divorced the Disasters#but i think she gets bad vibes from william like. . . not immediately but earlier than most. she's friendly but it's minimal y'know lmao#but obv she doesn't guess what he's /actually/ up to. just thinks he's a dick ( valid )
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[peering suspiciously into the christmas tree] are you two being naughty or are you just killing each other
#they're just killing each other 😌#anyway you know how yesterday I was saying 'they haven't really messed with the tree yet'#GUESS who was spotted IN the tree not two hours after that kdfjhfdjh#as far as climbing christmas trees go she really hasn't been too bad yet but she HAS been getting up in there#justin messaging me this morning: there's coffee‚ and Melli knows how to get into the center of the tree#me: Yeah#the tree's probably gonna have to come down sooner than later :Ia ah well. christmas is over anyway it was fun while it lasted#about me#this has been kitty talk
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