#well i mean there was one i made like… a year ago

[fluffylino]

Strawberry Cow ! Chan 🌸🍓🌸

he's not just any kind of hybrid...he's the first ever 'male' cow you've ever met. chan's a sweetheart, even more so when he's milked...

(i was suppozed to write this a year ago and finally here it is, enjoy lovelies <333)

reblogging > liking

-contains mildly suggestive themes

Hybrids were pretty much accepted into this world of ours. they were treated like humans, with respect (most of the time) and accepted into society quite easily.

And somehow you found yourself accidently conversing with one particular male hybrid.

he was handsome.

so incredibly beautiful, it made you question if he was even real.

two horns on either side of his head and a pair of fluffy white ears twitched beneath them. it wasn't a white that hits the eye, it was a white that looked like freshly whipped cream. with soft fur that was slightly longer than usual.

you weren't quite sure what species he was. it was difficult to make out and honestly nervewracking to ask a hybrid that kind of question.

it was almost the same as asking a human if they were a person of colour, as if they were of ethnic descent.

he could be a gazelle? maybe a buck?

but his horns weren't so sleek and thin. they were neither black in colour.

instead his thicker horns were a complete contrast to his dark hair.

a bull, maybe? or did he dye his hair?

you were about to lose your mind.

"I'm actually a cow hybrid..." he let out so quietly, with a nervous smile. Damn, he was too beautiful for his own good.

"I've never seen a cow hybrid" you mutter without much thought.

instantly regretting your statement upon seeing his awkward stance.

"no no i meant i've never seen a cow hybrid as handsome as you" waving your hands dramatically to clear the tense air.

"as...handsome as..me?" he mumbles and you were sure your heart stopped beating.

"oh god it was wrong of me to assume what you are and how you'd prefer to be addressed-"

your voice dying down as you hear him laugh.

its such a soft laugh, it goes straight to your heart. neither mocking nor a loud one. soothing to the ears.

"i'm sorry if i'm so shaky...its been a long time since anyone has ever..complimented me..."

you sighed in relief, letting a smile creep up on your face. his cheeks dusted with a light shade of pink and you knew you looked as shy as him.

The small coffee joint was beginning to crowd and it seemed that neither of y'all liked crowded spaces.

the cow hybrid slowly stood up, straightening his posture and your eyes widened.

he was well built, a good height compared to yours and his muscles were defined enough to leave an imprint on the shirt he was wearing. loosely buttoned up and hanging low on his collar. Black really was his colour...

you mentioned his build, complimenting him to the point his ears were redder than ever. shy little giggles escaping his plush lips. gosh...

his lips made you want to kiss him senseless.

"could we..uhm...be friends or uh more...i mean-" he mumbles, stuttering so sweetly.

"of course, darling. but you never quite told me your name?" you coo.

"I'm chan or...you can..call me chris"

he smiled continously as you told him your name and how you come by here often.

his ear twitching excitedly when the two of y'all share phone numbers. promising to keep in touch in the days to come.

.

🌸

.

Chan was a lot different from your first meeting. considering the fact that nearly a month or more than a month had passed.

you happened to find out how much a hybrid like him had to go through. to you, he was an ordinary cow hybrid. but chan explained how the term 'ordinary' never existed in his vocabulary.

of course you knew he was a male but what did not strike you was the fact that he shouldve been called a bull.

Instead he was classified under cow, making him a proper cow hybrid.

Taking into consideration that he was also a male, made it difficult for him to lead his life as usual. bodily changes and phenomenon occurring during certain periods made the poor hybrid's life tougher.

Cases like him were rare, not exactly non existent.

.

.

His room was unimaginably aesthetic. changing colours that faded to pink and purple, sometimes gold.

one thing you realised was his love for the colour black. laughing when he opens his cupboard. it was a black hole in there with numerous clothes lined up.

making yourself comfortable on his bed, you noticed how on-edge he was. his behaviour much different, extra shy as he sheepishly sat beside you. your backs resting against the wooden headboard.

"why'd you call me here, channie?" you asked, smiling at the way his thin sleek tail swished around.

his eyes gaze at you with such pureness, you blurt out another statement.

"I mean, i'd spend my entire day or even week with you if you wanted! but i just got a bit worried because you called me here oit of the blue, baby"

reassuring him while patting his knee lovingly.

"I..I wanted to come c-clear about myself"

you nodded, urging him to go on. he pauses, looking at you for a few seconds. theres this nervousness in his energy and you scooch closer to him.

"I lactate...almost every four days, sometimes every two days depending on tge weather..." gazing at you sweetly.

"yes, im aware channie"

"you know about-" his eyes widen, surprise in his tone.

"of course I do, did you really think I wouldn't find ways to help you after you told me how hard your day to day life is"

you joked lightly.

"if i don't...milk myself every now and then, I feel full. like heavy.."

you squeeze his hand fondly, interlocking your fingers.

"do you do it manually? or do you use some kind of device?"

from his expression and body language, you could see him grow comfortable.

"manually...pumps are quite the price"

you gasp, wondering if you pried a little too deep. chan takes it as you being weirded out but you stop him before he starts overthinking.

"no no no sweerheart, i was just surprised that you did it manually for so many years"

"i've tried a pump once or twice...but i don't like the feeling...it made me feel like an object..." he pauses, cheeks turning pink as ever before he continues.

"whenever i...uhm my chest swells and gets really sensitive..."

well that was new info to you.

"like mine?" you let out, laughing as his ears twitch and he blinks furiously.

"w-what do you mean-"

"I meant like does your chest get to like my size? i'm pretty average but does yours get bigger?"

the strawberry cow hybrid blushed.

"it depends! on m-my mood and..uhm everything"

.

🍬

.

"Chris?! what's wrong?"

worry filling your mind. the hybrid looked distressed and out of his senses. sweating profusely.

"its n-nothing, I don't feel so good" he tried to reassure although it wasn't quite reassuring to you.

his fluffy ears were lopsided and his tail swished around desperately

you cupped his face gently. his reaction waw everything. nuzzling into your palm. it was obvious. it was happening.

"channie. baby look at me"

you urged, making him focus on you. and only you.

"do you want me to help you?"

"help...help with milking me? p-please?" his tone gentle and he uttered a small plea.

"just place your hand h-here and massage slowly"

his bigger hand held onto yours as he pressed your palm flat on his chest. he was right. his chest was swell and warmer than ever.

"do you mind, baby.."

obediently he held his shirt between his teeth. gnawing on the material. you let your hand run over his toned abdomen. feeling up his tense muscles.

"y-you're so fit, channie" he grunted softly.

his milk running down your fingers slowly. with every massage, more seeped out of his pretty nubs.

unconciously you stuck your tongue out, licking up the droplets that rolled down the expanse of his chest.

"ah don't let it g-go to waste p-please please"

begging you to drink more. his hands squeezing yours. whining so sweetly as you sucked his pumped up chest. his breathing quick and shaky.

god, you wanted to corrupt him...

.

.

.

.

.

.

fuck...part 2?

should i?!

this concept to me, is so hot!!!!!

[vxnuslogy]

— what does it mean to be a star?

pairing: sunday x gn!reader

premise: sunday has stayed with you and the stellaron hunters for a few years. your lives has been filled with many adventures, both good and bad. but like any other story crafted by elio, they must come to an end eventually.

– warnings: slight angst if you squint, implications of committing suicide, not proofread that much.

– author’s note: one final (?) stellaron hunter!sunday fic before he gets released. ive missed writing for this man. art credits to 冒火锅海台 on Weibo for the art. | 1.9k words.

— tags: @ryescapades @mitsvriii @https-sourlimes @dazaisms ; if you'd like to be tagged, please let me know by sending an ask off anon or filling out the forms in my pinned !!!

“what do you think makes a star, a star?”

elio asked you that question decades ago. and only now have you arrived at one final answer. out of curiosity, you asked each hunter the same question over the years that have passed, each of them giving one answer that didn’t quite match the rest.

“to be the top player of course!” silver wolf exclaimed, her tone in a matter of fact manner as she didn’t even look up from her console. you only shook your head in amusement, jotting her answer down in a new journal your boss had given you as a present.

“a star you ask,” kafka tilted her head curiously at you. eyes freed from her usual contacts and makeup followed your movement as you stirred the coffee in your cup. “well, a star for me would be something that captures the attention of others without much effort. stars often piqued your interest, didn’t they?” you only smiled in response and nodded. you made a mental note to write it down later before you went to bed.

firefly took a little longer than the last two to answer. you patiently waited, spooning pieces of cake to your lips as the girl in front of you was deep in thought. “a guide. even in your darkest moment, a star will shine as a guide for you to follow so you don’t stray from your path.” she answered in a whisper. eyes wistful as she played with the dessert on her plate. 

“a star,” blade’s gruff voice cut through the night like a knife. a few bottles of local xianzhou wine separating you two as you sat on the roof overlooking the stars above. you hadn’t expected blade of all people to humor your questions, but here you were, grateful in his presence. “it means to burn. so brightly you are unrecognizable, to others and yourself.”

“you have a sad answer,” you mutter, taking a sip of the wine from the small cup as the man huffs. 

“time takes a heavy toll for both you and i,” the wind sways his hair in a deathly dance. he brings his cup to his lips and drinks in one go. you don’t mention how you can barely finish a cup with how strong the drink was—blade could not feel the pain of it in his throat, and he never will. “you’ve already burned through the remains of your past self. it won’t be long before you look in the mirror and be unable to recognize your reflection.”

you frown at his response. “you’re pessimistic.”

“and you’re hypocritical.”

you have no rebuttal to his accusation, after all, at the very core of your character, the word “hypocrite” hangs like a thorny crown. 

“tell me, starcatcher,” red eyes reflected the conflict you’ve been massing deep within the columns of your bones. they crash onto your being like how the oceans do to the shores—unrelenting and loud. “are you that afraid of losing another that you love them as if tomorrow they’ll die?”

you fled the roof that night. unable to face your hopelessness head on after a fresh wound of death lingers by your heart. another attempt, another reminder of the welling darkness that swells from the tip of your fingers and slowly corrupts your entire body. it drowns you and you can’t help but fear that time is clutching your shoulder, weighing you down to the ocean floor as it laughs at your predicament.

“so it’s decided then.”

but that’s no longer the case. no, not anymore. it's been decades since then, and you’ve changed.

elio sits by his office chair, typewriter moved to the side as he personally penned the final bits of your songbird’s script. you were elio’s editor and proofreader. you don’t exactly remember when it started but when you were still an unwilling understudy—an actor who refused to acknowledge the stage—he would trap you in his office and force you to read over his script to make sure there were no errors.

a small and sad smile tugged at your lips as you read the pages of inked fate. “this is for the best.”

“the best, yes,” elio ceases his writing. compiling the papers into one bulk and staring right at you. “but it's not the ending you wanted.”

you shook your head, “my preferred ending isn’t relevant to how the story ends. it’s not my story to tell.”

“yes, but it's a story you’re meant to read,” there was pity in his eyes. your heart felt too heavy with realization to even feel offended by such a look. “you have the right to feel dissatisfied.”

“thank you, elio, truly,” you only gave destiny’s slave one final smile before standing. you quietly made your way to the door, forcing your steps to sound quiet and lacking sadness. but you can’t do that, you never will. building up walls will only prove to be a waste of effort. not when elio knows every brick by heart.

with a heavy sigh, you linger by the office door before making your way to your workshop. memories from years ago flood your mind as the halls fill your senses. photos from vacation, missions, and simple outings hang by the walls while certain trinkets and relics from bygone travels litter the many desks and drawers. time did take a heavy toll just like blade said. kafka’s skin started to wrinkle a bit, silver wolf started growing taller, firefly grew paler and paler, and blade looked more like death with every breath he took.

time was a painful thing to remember—it’s not infinite. and even if it was, it's never always kind to everyone. and you? you are worse than time and death itself. you were the inevitable–finality. 

“good morning, [name].”

a voice from behind greets you like a new sunrise–a reminder that a new day is here. you couldn’t help the smile that tugged on your lips. seeing sunday in blade’s shirt hang over his body like a blanket, firefly’s hair ties on his wrists and a spare console from silver wolf in one hand brings you so much joy. 

“sunday, good morning!” you sounded breathless. tucking both hands behind your back to hide your shaking as he joined you on your way to the workshop he’s made as his makeshift nest.

sunday smiles—filled with all the hope you’ve craved and lost. it stings your heart like a needle but you don’t show it. you’re first to look away, like all the other times in his presence, unable to face the way his wings flutter and smile twitch in concern.

when you reach the workshop, you flicker the lights on and sunday makes himself at home. sitting by the windowsill as you sat down by your table. scattered fabrics for sunday’s final mission lay in your hands, and you’d be damned if you messed up now. even with a heavy heart, you willed your hands to work, all the while ignoring the concerned stare of the angel sunbathing by the window.

the two of you spend the first few hours of morning in each other’s quiet presence before your tongue itches to ask him a question. “sunday,” you call his name and you curse the flutter in your chest when he immediately looks at you. he noticed his overly quick response and covered half of his face with a fist, pretending to hide a cough instead of his coloring cheeks.

“yes?” he asks, attention solely on you as you pin the needle back on the cushion and smooth out any creases.

“what does it mean to be a star?”

he blinked owlishly at your question. a soft hum escaped his lips as his fingers tapped on the rim of his cup in contemplation. “is there…” he tests the waters—seeing if it's too hot or too cold. “any particular occasion for you to ask me a question?”

you shake your head in amusement when his more formal tone slips out. “no, not at all. just a little tradition is all.”

“well, then,” the words die out on his tongue. every once in a while, sunday would peer at you like a lost child but you’d only nod encouragingly. “a star means to be remembered.” he looked out the window, watching the clouds pass by in a blur. “even if they aren’t always there, you know they exist.”

sometimes you wonder if it's possible for sunday to look at himself through the lens of your eyes. he was beautiful like the praise of idrila, happiness like aha’s laughter, and the curiosity for adventure like akivili. sunday wasn’t just a star, he was the entire universe. and he remained blissfully unaware of it.

“[name], is everything all right?” 

you’re snapped out of your daze when you feel his hand on your cheek. lost in the replays of sunday’s image in your mind, you didn’t notice the stray tears that had betrayed your image of an unbothered editor. 

“please, don’t cry,” he whispers, pressing your foreheads together. his thumb gently wiping away the tears that escaped your eyes. you can’t help but chuckle. sunday truly was like a sponge when it comes to others’ habits.

“what hurts you so?”

“what makes you think i’m hurt?” quite frankly, you were hurt. so incredibly hurt by his eventual departure but your heart knows his stay was only temporary. but that didn’t mean you never hoped. 

hoped. over the course of a few years, sunday had succeeded in the mission the other hunters failed at. he made you hope again.

“kafka is cooking everyone’s breakfast. it’ll surely brighten up your mood.” he states taking your hand in his and tugging you in the direction of the dining room and kitchen. sunday maneuvered through the headquarters with such ease your ribs began to clamp on your heart again.

this was his home, his respite. but only for a short time.

when the two of you enter the room, you notice his frown. the emotions of everyone were palpable—it felt suffocating. your eyes met blade and you just smiled. one deep breath in and you snapped back into your joyous self. bringing temporary light to the room.

even as you ate and chatted, there were undertones of sadness. sunday nudged your side and quietly asked you, “are you quite sure everything is alright? everyone seems sad today.”

you look at them one by one. kafka’s eyes are slowly being accompanied by eye bags and wrinkles, silver wolf is nearing blade’s shoulder, firefly looks paler, and blade’s hand shakes as he holds his chopsticks. you look at sunday’s eyes, and smile. even he was a victim of time with the way his hair grew longer and face filled with more life.

“they’re just worried,” you look away first like always. meeting blade’s gaze halfway and smiling to yourself when you see him huff in denial. “your next mission is here.”

what does it mean to be a star? elio asked you that question a long, long time ago. and you only found the answer in the form of an angel with wings behind his ears and eyes that shined like the sun. the star you’ve grown to love burns brighter than the sun but still requires rest when night falls. 

to be a star means to be remembered, even in the face of departure. you remain bright and unforgotten. left in the care of a conductor and an express you’ve once loved.

to be a star means to face the inevitable that sunday was meant for greater things than being just a fugitive venturing the universe.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[f1amour]

heyyy! can i request “i’m scared of losing you” (from angst1) with oscar piastri?

❝ i’m scared of losing you ❞ — oscar piastri

pairing | oscar piastri x reader

content warnings | lots of miscommunication, angst, comfort, happy ending

★ JOIN MY SHORT N SWEET FRIENDSGIVING !

─────────────────────────

it had been a few months since you last attended a race due to your job obligations but in oscar’s eyes he only saw it as one thing; you’ve missed him winning a race, twice now.

in his eyes he thought you may no longer love him that he wasn’t worth enough for you. however, in your eyes you believed he no longer loved you especially due to his lack of presence in your life and never asking you to join him for a race weekend in months. both of you afraid to lose each other didn’t touch on the subject and living as if everything is okay.

until it wasn’t.

“i may not win another race this season but i would appreciate your support! you weren’t there for my two wins and i…i’m tired of this,” oscar argued back, you had both gone out to dinner in monaco after he returned from singapore. it started with a sweet conversation of what to do for the break to now bitter comments towards each other.

“tired of what? of me? i’m trying, oscar. i just started my third year of university and then work—.”

“work! it’s always work this work that. they always need you for something even though it’s not even in your title to do all that! you drop everything to be there for them but you can’t be there for me not even once…baby?” his mean words hit you immediately and you sit on the couch of your apartment hands covering your face as you sob uncontrollably.

“baby, yn…hey, hey breathe with me. it’s okay i’m here” oscar whispers on your ear, both arms cradling you now. was it okay? his approach may not have been the best but he wasn’t wrong. your job had been putting too much on your plate when you were meant to just be an underpaid intern who was doing multiple jobs that were not your responsibility.

“but you aren’t here, osc. i…i know that your career is demanding but you didn’t take a second to look back and realize i ease being left behind. i feel guilty i wasn’t there for your two wins especially your first. i begged my job to let me just visit you for a day to celebrate but they made me stay. it wasn’t even my day to work and i still stayed. i chose a job that doesn’t value me over you…you do care about me maybe not right now—.”

“i’m gonna stop you right there. i’m an idiot who didn’t bother asking how you’ve been recently and expecting you to support me more when i didn’t see what you’d been going through. i’m so sorry,” he whispers, his forehead pressed against yours kissing your tears away.

you whisper out five words you’d been feeling for awhile now, “i’m scared of losing you,” closing your eyes ready for oscar to say you’ve already lost him, “i’m scared too.” his voice matches your vulnerability.

opening your eyes looking at him in shock, “you are?” you felt like you were both taking a big step in admitting this. maybe, just maybe this would help in repairing your relationship.

“i am. i think we’ve been selfish towards each other but we also haven’t communicated right. i should have asked you more about how the job was treating you-,”

“i should have asked you how the team had been treating you.” you counter back and he chuckles.

“i know you want to be independent when it comes to your career. but i think you should quit that job and focus on school only. i know you don’t want me to take care of you financially but just let me do that for now until you graduate and find a job that will value the skills you have. i can’t lose us. i can’t lose you, yn. i love you.” his words filled with nothing but love, oscar meant well and for once you decide to take him up on the offer he’d been giving you since you started dating two years ago.

“okay.” a simple word replacing your frown into a smile on each others faces. there was work to do on your communication with each other but for now you both got to breathe a sigh of relief after facing a fear that would no longer happen.

[silly-of-the-str1ng]

Dream come True?

A/N: this is the first fic i've written in little over a year so feel free to lmk what you think with a comment or two! also some word/spelling errors, i made this while sick at 11pm 😭🙏

warning: none :3

word count: 1.1k

summary: your dream of going to Billie's show suddenly becomes a reality

------------------------<3----------------------------

You had been listening to Billie’s new album ‘HIT ME HARD AND SOFT’ ever since it had been released, over and over and over, and well you get the point.

And when you heard Billie was going on tour?- you nearly cried, well no- you did cry, a lot at that.. but as usual the universe wasn't on your side.

“No- No, No, No, NO!-” you practically screamed as you scrolled down to the New York shows, desperately refreshing the page as if the big bold letters “SOLD OUT” would disappear. You had never even had a chance to try and even go to any of her shows even once, you were pretty tight on money due to New york’s crazy prices for just about everything and the moment you had saved up enough money to buy a show ticket? of course you wouldn't be quick enough to get one or even try.

You slammed your head down on your mattress, whining pretty pathetically as your best friend, Amber awkwardly sat next to you, looking up from her phone where she was texting her boyfriend. She sighed softly and shook her head as she tilted down to meet your sad eyes, “all sold out already?”

“yes…” you grumbled, shoving your face into your comforter. “You should at least expect it somewhat, I mean she's Billie Eilish for goodness sake….” Amber hummed as she went back to messaging Lucas.

You sat up slightly, resting your chin on your palm, “I know!” you groaned as you rubbed at your eyes clean of your stupid tears, it felt so stupid to cry over someone who didn't know you at all and you'd never have the chance of meeting, but here you were-

“I just!- She coming to New York three times, Amber! THREE!! and every single show is sold out in under the first day it seems like!” you wailed as you shoved your face back into your blanket.

Amber sighed softly, setting down her phone and gently placing her hand on your back, rubbing soft circles over it- “You know, maybe it's for the best… I mean you'd probably explode if you even had a chance to see Billie in person-” Amber offered, making you scoff harshly.

You wanted nothing more, you'd sell your soul if you had to- or your car…

—-

That was a few weeks ago now, you were still mourning the loss of course but you still had to go to work- so here you were clocking in to your mom's bakery for the oh so convenient shift of 4AM… like anyone was actually up at this time but you had to start making the pastries for the day.

You kneaded at the dough, softly grunting as you rolled it out and cut the dough, shaping it into croissants and setting it on the tray. Though the soft ringing of the front entry door opening and closing caught your attention.

“Seriously…?” you sourly muttered to yourself, who the hell is up at 4:28 in the morning getting breakfast?!- you walked out from the back, sighing excessively as you spoke in a pretty harsh tone-

“Sorry if your here for any pastries you'll have to wait another two hours or so-” though when you met the eyes of the woman who walked in you were shocked-

Billie

fucking

Eilish.

“Oh, no worries- I can wait, I don't have to be anywhere today thankfully,” she shrugged confidently as she met your eyes, those bright blue eyes staring back into yours. You felt your face naturally go red from embarrassment.

You stood there awkwardly before letting out a forced chuckle, “I-I don't want to having to wait in here all by yourself while I make stuff- that'd be kind of rude considering your, well-”

“Billie Eilish?” she finished with a soft smile.

“...yeah…” you mumbled in an almost embarrassed way, well no- it WAS in an embarrassed way, 100 percent.

Though she just simply sat down in one of the booths, crossing her legs, “I may be a singer but that doesn't mean i'm not human enough to not really care-” she chuckled softly, making your heart jump.

“Right- sorry-” You quickly replied.

“I, take it you're a fan?” she asked, not prying but just genuinely looking to see what she was to you in a way. “Uh yeah!-” you awkwardly smiled, “I tried to get a ticket to any of the shows your having here but you know-” you died off at the end, rubbing the back of your neck with the hand that was still completely covered in flour.

“Oh- for real? Do you want one or something? I can just get you set up.” she offered, making you do a double take.

“A-Are you serious?-”

“Yeah, it's easy, I can get you up front too, if you want, I know that some people are sensitive to the bass.” she hummed, pulling out her phone to do god knows what. Then she met your eyes again, tilting her head to the side slightly as if you were just as regular as a friend to her. “So?”

You were star struck, you didn't even know what to say. On the more obvious hand, this was Billie Eilish offering you a completely free ticket to one of her shows, you had to yes. But on the more annoying hand that wanted to have some sort of confidence for some version- you wanted to say no.

“uhhh… i don't think so- I mean it's asking a lot from you really-”

“Nah it's fine, i'll just get you a VIP pass, just tell someone in security to go get me, I know they probably won't listen but if I hear about someone being annoying i'll assume it's probably you-” Billie chuckled.

“...u-uh- okay…”

There was an awkward silence, your shoes squeaking against the floor before Billie spoke up again, “on second thought- i'll just have someone come pick it up… You've got a nice place here but I'd rather not sit down in silence by myself today…” and this time you let out a small genuine laugh, “I hear you.”

Billie stood up and walked over to the counter where you stood behind, “Nice meeting you by the way, most fans I meet are kinda crazy about seeing me,” She chuckled. “Oh believe me i'm going crazy inside.” You scoffed, making her smile. “Well, I'm gonna dip, maybe see you round…?” she shrugged. “Yeah, maybe…” you repeated as she walked over to the front door and opened it. though she looked back- “oh I didn't catch your name.”

“oh- it's Y/N.”

“Y/N… Nice name,” Billie hummed before she walked out, the bell ringing softly of her exit. you stood there in silence before quickly picking up your phone and speed dialing Amber's number.

“Amber-HOLY SHIT YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED-”

(uh I make this a 2 parter if it does well :3)

[sansaorgana]

— FOREVER BOUND

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Maia!Reader

SUMMARY — You and Mairon were created together by Eru and ever since you remained nearly inseparable. He chose to follow Melkor but you stayed loyal to your gods. Even though he was believed to be slain, you meet your soulmate once again many years later in Númenor where you serve the Valar by helping Tar-Míriel with your counsel.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — I started writing this fic like two weeks ago but I got distracted in the meantime with different ideas 🤧 (Y/N) is used here as the Reader's "real" name, therefore I gave her human form in Númenor a name and that is Maneth, which apparently means Departed Spirit. The dynamic between Sauron and the Reader is lowkey inspired by that quote from Wuthering Heights – He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Also, I was very fixated on making the short prologue of this fic sound like it was taken from The Silmarillion but it was a challenge, especially when English is not my first language, so yeah, I have to admit I used "the chat" a bit to help me in the beginning (and only there) 🙈. It didn't write even a single sentence for me, though, it only helped me with reshaping the phrases to sound more like the way I wanted them to be. I have never used AI to help me write my fics, so I feel a bit weird with it but I think the prologue sounds great now, so I decided to keep it this way. However, I wanted to admit to it here because I would feel bad otherwise. Once more – "the chat" did not write even a single sentence for me. I only needed its help with finding better sounding phrases to express what I have already written all by myself and it was only for the short prologue of the story. I didn't put any warnings but I think that – if you squint – it can have a bit of a twincest vibe...? 😳 At least I thought so while writing some scenes but maybe it's just my messed up mind going into such places 🙈 The fic is quite long but I didn't want to divide this one into two parts.

WORD COUNT — 7,930

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

FOREVER BOUND

Together were they fashioned by the thought of Eru Ilúvatar, Mairon and (Y/N), kindred spirits among the Maiar, and thus were their fates entwined. Mairon was drawn to Aulë the Smith, whose lore of crafting and forging he learned with eager mind, while (Y/N) was taken under the care of Varda Elentári, the Queen of Stars, and to her was revealed the mysteries of light and the heavens.

In those days of ancient bliss, when the first flowers were made to bloom, Mairon would gather their blossoms for (Y/N), and together they would abide for hours in fields unmarred by shadow. Often, he would craft jewels of wondrous beauty, offering them to her in token of his affection. Yet his most treasured gift to her was a ring, fair and unmarred, crafted in the purity of his early days, before his spirit turned to darker counsel.

It is said that (Y/N) wore that ring ever upon her hand, and that when Varda revealed to her the art of setting stars in the firmament, she bestowed the first star of her own making with the name «Mairon», that his light might endure forever.

In the later days, when Mairon fell to the shadow and allied himself with Melkor, he sought ever to draw (Y/N) to his side, weaving words of guile and repentance. Many times did he deceive her, and she, moved by their bond, hoped he might yet be redeemed. Yet she held fast to the Valar, and her faith remained unbroken.

Mairon's descent brought sorrow unending to (Y/N), and often she pleaded with the Valar to grant him mercy. Yet Varda would have her no longer as a disciple, for the brightness of her spirit had dimmed, and her heart clung still to one who had been corrupted. Then Nienna, She Who Weeps, took pity upon (Y/N) and took her into her care, teaching her of endurance and grief. And it was Nienna who spoke in favour of Mairon when Melkor, feigning humility, sought pardon from the Valar, for she understood well the love that bound (Y/N) to him.

Yet no reunion came to pass, for Mairon fled from the wrath of the Valar, and he vanished into the shadows of the world, so that some claimed him slain. The star that bore his name faded from the heavens, and it is told that (Y/N) wept until her tears filled a lake in The Southlands, and thus was the dark and bitter Lake Núrnen brought into being, a testament to her sorrow.

You were sent to Númenor to aid the Queen Regent with your counsel. Míriel suspected that you were no ordinary human being but she knew better than to ask too many questions. Very quickly you were promoted in her council, which was visibly making Ar-Pharazôn uneasy and suspicious of you because you had shown up out of nowhere one day, posing to be a noble Lady from Middle-earth… but who truly knew where you were coming from? 

The fate of this beautiful island given to the ancestors of these people was uncertain, though. It was teetering between glory and ruin. You were there to make sure they would choose the right path when the time of difficult decisions would come.

When you heard that one of the captains brought a She-Elf to Númenor that he had found in an open sea, you knew immediately that it was no coincidence. It was surely the very beginning of something new. Something exciting and worrying, too.

The time you had already spent in Númenor was enough for you to fall in love with the island and its people. The Queen Regent was truly your friend and you hoped for nothing else but for this realm’s happiness.

You were standing next to Míriel when Captain Elendil walked two castaways inside the hall. She-Elf you recognised immediately because it was Lady Galadriel. She, however, could not recognise you because of your disguise. At the sight of a dirty, ragged common man walking beside her, you felt an odd shiver going down your spine.

You looked down, nervously, when he looked up to meet your gaze. Your fingers busied themselves with a ring that decorated your finger for long centuries now – it would never leave you, no matter what form you were in.

You could not understand why some random human was making you feel such odd sensations as if the air between you two vibrated and caused disruption inside the room.

“No one kneels in Númenor,” the Queen Regent announced to Lady Galadriel and her new friend when they attempted to do so.

Out of curiosity that you seemed not to be able to stop, you looked up again when the man did the same. Your eyes met and you could barely contain yourself because the soul trapped inside the form you were in was about to explode.

He was no ordinary human being and you wondered if Lady Galadriel knew about it.

Who could it be, though? The Valar would not send any help for you here without warning you beforehand. Even if they would, no other Maia was able to make you feel this extraordinary way. 

No other Maia except for one.

The fingers fidgeting with your ring squeezed it tighter at the memory of Mairon. He had been long gone now and all that seemed to be left of him was that ring. Not even his star shone bright in the night sky anymore.

The only part of Mairon that still remained was not that ring, though. It was you – he would forever live inside of you like you had lived inside of him and like part of you had died the day he had been slain.

“Speak, Elf. Name thyself,” Míriel ordered Lady Galadriel and Galadriel’s eyes found yours. She tilted her head but decided not to comment although now you were certain that she could sense what kind of spirit you were.

“Galadriel of the Noldor,” she introduced herself. “Daughter of the Golden House of Finarfin. Commander of the Northern Armies of High King Gil-Galad.”

The man she came with looked at her with furrowed brows before deciding to introduce himself as well.

“Halbrand,” he said. “Of The Southlands,” he added.

“A man and an Elf, together?” You asked as you approached the Queen Regent.

“Circumstances arose that–” The man named Halbrand began but Galadriel did not allow him to finish.

“We are companions by chance. Met on the open sea. Your captain here, delivered us from certain death,” she looked at Elendil. “All we ask is that Númenor continue his mercy and grant us ship’s passage to Middle-earth.”

The crowd gathered inside the hall began to chatter between each other. It was uncommon to see an Elf in Númenor these days and Galadriel was far from humble. Her demands were not making anyone here happy and you could sense that.

The only man whose aura you could not sense was him again – the filthy commoner.

Míriel exchanged a meaningful look with Ar-Pharazôn before her cousin spoke.

“It’s been generations since a ship of Númenor was permitted to make such a journey on an Elf’s behalf,” he told the Elf, harshly.

You wondered how Galadriel would accept the fact that here, in Númenor, she was not an authority to anyone and her presence was barely intimidating. You knew her heart was of a pure kind but it was no mystery amongst the Valar, the Maiar and the Elves that she also needed to be humbled very often but such occasions were quite rare.

“It is because of the Elves that you were given this island,” she reminded but such words only worsened her situation. “Surely you can spare a few planks and a rudder.”

Míriel looked behind to stare at your face, visibly searching for your counsel. You shook your head slightly to let her know that you did not think following Galadriel’s orders was a good idea. It did not escape Ar-Pharazôn’s eye as he shot you a deadly glance. He hated the influence you had over his cousin.

“Our ancestors were not given anything,” the Queen Regent smiled softly at Galadriel as she walked down the stairs to approach the Elf and her human companion. “They paid for this isle with the blood of their kin.”

“What the Elf means–” Halbrand tried to save the situation.

“Then if blood be the price of passage, I will pay it,” Galadriel interrupted him again and you sighed softly. “But one way or another, I will depart.”

One of your tasks in Númenor was to help rebuild the friendship between the humans of this island and the Elves. Lady Galadriel was definitely not helping you.

“I welcome you to try,” Míriel nodded.

“I have no need of your welcome,” Galadriel continued with her rude remarks and Halbrand looked at her with panic in his eyes before looking back at the guards by the doors.

“And you are quickly wearing out yours,” the Queen Regent warned Galadriel. “Guards,” she called for them.

“My friends!” Halbrand exclaimed, getting everyone’s attention and you despised it.

You despised it because your weak human form struggled once more to contain your trembling spirit. You were scared that you would be this island’s doom yourself any given moment if you suddenly erupted as if you were a volcano. Your fingers began to tremble and you lowered your gaze, pretending to be humble.

“It seems to me that our leaving presents some complications,” Halbrand pointed out. “Perhaps it’d be better if we stayed–”

“Stayed?!” Galadriel barked at him.

“Long enough, good Queen, to give you and your advisors adequate time to weigh our request,” he looked up at you.

You were holding your gaze lowered but you knew somehow that he was staring at you. You could feel his eyes piercing you through because the way he was staring was not of an ordinary kind. He was not glancing at your flesh but at your soul. You felt as if you were naked in front of him and as if there was nobody else inside this palace except for you two.

The ring around your finger seemed to get heavier all of the sudden as it reminded you one more about the only creature in this world who had known you so well and who could have made you feel similar.

“A few days, perhaps?” Halbrand looked back at Míriel and you sighed out of relief once you got free from his burning gaze.

The Queen Regent looked back at you once more and you looked up only slightly to nod at her. Ar-Pharazôn rolled his eyes but he did not disagree – at least not openly.

“Three days,” he ordered. “And the Elf is to be restricted to palace grounds.”

“I will not be made a prisoner!” Galadriel protested.

“I would sooner knee-cap a stallion than seek to imprison the mighty Commander of the Northern Armies,” Ar-Pharazôn answered ironically and the crowd laughed at her. “So, you shall be Númenor’s guest.”

You could feel the tension in the room slowly relaxing and you nodded at the Queen Regent before walking out in a hurry, feeling Halbrand’s eyes on you as you were walking out in a haste with your skirts gathered in your fists, rushing to your chambers to collect your chaotic thoughts.

You had a malicious feeling creeping up deep inside of you – no, not even a feeling. An odd, eerie certainty. And as much as you wished for it to not be true, you also wanted it to be and you felt guilty for experiencing such cursed yearning to see and touch him again. Your Mairon.

When you heard from your maid at the end of the day that the human named Halbrand ended up in jail already for starting a fight, you simply could not stop yourself from paying him a visit. You walked inside the prison area of the palace carefully as you moved quietly throughout the hall with your dress flowing behind you gently.

The man was sitting on the floor with his back leaning on the wall. He was smirking as he watched you with no reaction whatsoever. Once more you noticed that you could not sense his aura or predict his mood like you usually could with most creatures, even the noblest of the Elves.

“You are no human,” you stated as you stood right in front of his cell. Halbrand snorted at that and rolled his eyes. “Who are you?” You asked and he only shook his head.

You grabbed the bars and squeezed them tightly as the silence broke due to your ring clashing with the iron. The sound echoed and Halbrand turned his head around rapidly while he squinted his eyes at your ring.

“Are you him?” You asked, nearly desperately. “Are you my Mairon?”

Halbrand stood up finally and even though he seemed to be more serious now, he still had a playful smirk on his lips. He approached you with his arms crossed and you caught yourself staring at his tan, flexed muscles before you looked up to meet his sparkling eyes once more. Nothing but the iron bars between you two and it was you squeezing them tight although he was the imprisoned one.

“You would look like a crazy maniac if I was not,” he whispered, leaning in. He was so close that you could feel his warm breath on your face.

“You were supposed to be dead…” you whispered and closed your eyes, feeling warm tears streaming down your cheeks. You squeezed your fists even tighter around the bars as your whole soul vibrated throughout your human form.

“I am sorry to disappoint you,” Halbrand answered.

“Your star has faded away, I have cried so many tears, have been outcast by Varda because with you, some of my own light faded away, too,” you revealed in a trembling voice before opening your hazy and wet eyes. He was staring at you without playfulness now. “I know it would be better for this world if you stayed dead but I feel joy to be with you again,” you confessed.

His rough fingertips brushed the ring wrapped around your finger as he smiled sadly.

“This ring remains older than most creatures of this realm,” he pointed out.

“I have never taken it off, Mairon,” you assured him. “Nothing in this world is older than the bond between us.”

“That is quite blasphemous,” he smirked and you shook your head as you had no idea what to say to that. He was right – you should not claim such things, you were no god. But yet, whatever was between you and him – it felt so overwhelming, so overlooming. 

Your souls were entangled, made of the same stardust. You were the same spirit, the same heart, the same blood; only split in two forms and that was enough pain to be apart in that way. Spending centuries without him at all, thinking he was dead… It was like death itself.

But Mairon was back now and alongside him back was the part of you that had died with him.

“Will you tell them about me, (Y/N)?” He asked, quietly.

“I should, should I not? You are up to no good,” you sniffled your tears back and your eyes met his. You let go of the iron bars and extended your hands to cup his scratched cheeks. When you touched, you felt your whole body trembling, barely able to contain your spirit and your power.

“I am up to the greater good. You know that my path is the right one; it is the only path. My only goal is to heal,” he assured you and leaned in to place a soft kiss upon the palm of your hand as you gasped.

“Up to no good then,” you let out a small chuckle through your tears. You knew him enough already to know what it meant.

You wanted to get rid of the iron bars and to kiss him. His form differed from his previous one but it was never about his flesh – it was always about whatever it contained.

You had never really kissed, though. All those centuries you had spent with each other, you had spent it on yearning and gazing at yourselves, stealing soft pecks upon your cheeks or knuckles, giving each other gifts and talking sweet to one another.

Because you knew that the Maiar had not been created to love – not like this, at least. They had not been created to know the pleasures of the flesh or its desires. They had been created to serve the gods.

Perhaps something had gone wrong during the act of your creation. Perhaps it had not – perhaps it was that part of him living inside of you that craved to be close to him at all times just like the part of you living inside of him craved to be close to you.

“Join me, (Y/N), come with me, be my Queen,” Halbrand whispered and you froze, taking your hands away immediately.

“Not even half an hour I was given to enjoy your return for you are trying to deceive me once more,” you remarked, harshly.

He had been known to tease and tempt you countless of times but your soul remained pure no matter what.

“Melkor is no more. I am my own master now but I will never be whole without you by my side,” Halbrand was the one to wrap his hands around the iron bars now as he moved even closer while you took a step back. “Varda outcasted you? I will make sure no one in Middle-earth worships her no more for you will become their Queen of Light.”

“Revenge is not what I seek,” you shook your head. “Please, Mairon, your words are like daggers. I cannot handle them,” you turned your head around as more and more of your tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Refuse me as much as you like, (Y/N). A part of you lives inside of me and that is my lightness. A part of me lives inside of you and it is the part you consider rotten. Be careful, my dear, for the rot likes to spread,” Halbrand warned you although his voice remained sweet.

“I have never considered anything coming from you to be rotten,” you laid your eyes upon him again.

“Can you not see, my sweet? They keep us apart because together we would become so powerful that we could outcast the gods themselves,” Halbrand continued and his whisper caused a shiver to go down your spine. His words were wrong… So wrong. “Together, we could be anything we wanted. We could be forged into one flesh if we wished, forever bound.”

“If you cared so much about us being together, you would let me lure you back into the light instead of trying to tempt me to join you in darkness, Mairon,” you whispered in Quenya.

“It pains me when you keep insisting that my path is the darkness. Your blind obedience to our creators is much darker to me, my love,” he answered.

Perhaps you would go on like that – and knowing you two, you could do that for ages. But you were interrupted by Lady Galadriel, who looked you up and down with curiosity as she entered the prison.

“The most trusted advisor of the Queen Regent,” she greeted you, “but the least trusted one amongst her subjects. You come from Middle-earth, they say. A noble Lady. But I have never heard of you before,” Galadriel pointed out.

“Must Elves know all about human affairs?” You challenged her and she smiled, softly.

“Human? Yes,” Galadriel answered. “There are spirits, however, that remain out of our grasp. They are no gods but nearly like them. Sent to us by the Valar when we need aid,” she squinted her eyes.

“I shall remain out of your grasp then,” you nodded and she nodded back.

“What is going on?” Halbrand whined, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms again. Putting on an act of a common man in front of Galadriel and even though you knew you should scream into her face that he was the very darkness she had sworn to fight and defeat – you chose to stay silent. Perhaps he would redeem himself, perhaps he would realise that he might be given a second chance if only he decided to choose the right path this time.

Perhaps, before outing him to the outside world, you would try to fix his way of perceiving which path was the right one.

And you knew he had been given too many chances already but your heart would never give up on him. You would forever find excuses for him and try to make it right between you two.

“You…” Galadriel approached the iron bars as she smiled softly at Halbrand. “You do not belong on this island.”

“If there’s one of us that doesn’t belong here, Elf, it’s you,” Halbrand shook his head.

“I’m not so sure of that anymore,” Galadriel’s eyes sparkled as she briefly laid them upon you. “But one thing I am now certain. You are more than you claim,” she took a step further. “I found this in the Hall of Lore,” she handed Halbrand a scroll of paper that made you squint your eyes.

He took it, pretending to be unbothered. And when he opened it, you saw a heraldry drawing, suddenly realising he was wearing a pendant with the same mark. What was the game he was playing…?

“That’s funny. I found this on a dead man,” Halbrand winked at you before he looked at Galadriel with a smirk. “Thought the pattern suited me,” he added and sat down on a bench inside his cell.

Galadriel sighed and she glanced at you, as if she was expecting you to help her. You did not move an inch, however.

“Many ages ago, a man bearing that mark united the scattered tribes of the Southlands under one banner,” she told Halbrand. “The very banner that might unite them again today. Against the evil that now seeks to claim their lands. Your lands, Halbrand,” she emphasised and you sucked on the inside of your cheeks after realising what his clever scheme was. “Your people have no King for you are him,” Galadriel kept insisting.

Your Mairon, the great deceiver, knew very well that eagerly agreeing to all of this would not be as powerful as trying to pretend to be uninterested at first. Therefore, he looked away and chuckled.

“That’s an odd thing to say to a man in a cage,” he pointed out. 

“A cage you have landed in because you chafe under the rags of the common,” Galadriel claimed as she looked at you again. “My Lady, you must tell your Queen the truth.”

“No Elf will tell me what I must or I must not do,” you smirked as you shook your head at how arrogant she was. You had to play your role but even as your Maia self, you wanted to humble her. “I doubt one pendant proves this man’s heritage enough.”

“What about his testimony?” Galadriel was not giving up as she looked at Halbrand again. “The armour that ought to rest upon your shoulders weighs upon your soul, Halbrand.”

Long silence occurred, in which you were able to watch the master of deception performing his craft. The way he kept staring at the drawing, his face full of mixed emotions and confusion, guilt. The way he grabbed the pendant with his hands and brushed it gently with his fingertips. Everyone would believe him.

“Be careful, Elf,” he said eventually. “The heir to this mark is heir to more than just nobility,” Halbrand stood up to approach the iron bars. “For it was his ancestor who swore a blood oath to Morgoth,” he reminded her and you were in awe how he used the bits of dark truth about himself to toy with her and test the waters.

And how oblivious she was, how eager to keep following the scenario she had already prepared for this situation to go with in her head.

“I am not the hero you seek,” Halbrand shook his head.

Indeed, he was not.

“For it was my family that lost the war,” he added.

“And it was mine who started it,” Galadriel insisted. “Ours was no chance meeting,” she pointed out and looked at you again. “No fate, nor destiny, nor any other words men use to speak of the forces they lack the conviction to name. Ours was the work of something greater,” she smiled at you and you forced a smile back.

Was she thinking that it was you who caused this meeting? Gods, if she only knew…

“You must see it,” she looked back at Halbrand.

“All I see is an Elf who won’t put down her sword,” he remarked.

“Come with me to Middle-earth,” she leaned in to be closer to him and you felt an odd sting of pain inside of your heart. Was it jealousy that another woman dared to stand so close to your Mairon…? Most likely. “And together we will redeem both our bloodlines.”

“How?” Halbrand asked, looking at her intensely. “You’re stuck on this island and you’re still short an army,” he smirked.

“That is all about to change,” Galadriel smiled and turned around to walk away.

You glanced at the man one last time before hurrying after her.

“Lady Galadriel!” You called out her name once you were outside the prison.

“My Lady,” she turned around to face you and you nearly bumped into her. “I did not expect to encounter an emissary of the Valar in Númenor, I must admit,” she bowed her head slightly. “How should I address you?”

“Here, in Númenor, you must call me Lady Maneth. In Valinor you would know me as (Y/N),” you introduced yourself and Lady Galadriel’s eyes widened slightly.

“(Y/N)...” She breathed out. “You know more than anyone else how important my task is. We must stop the darkness from spreading,” she pleaded.

“No,” you shook your head. “You must stop pushing this man… Halbrand… Into whatever you are trying to push him into,” you scolded her.

“Do the Valar have different plans for him?” Galadriel wondered out loud.

“It is not about him,” you winced, not wanting to discuss Mairon any longer with her. “It is about you, Artanis. You are beginning to become the very darkness you swore once to destroy,” you warned her.

“What do you mean?” Galadriel furrowed her brow as she took a step back.

“It is still cheating when one betrays a cheater. It is still a theft when one steals from a thief. And it is still a murder when one kills a murderer. Because it is not the matter of whether one deserves it or not – it is a matter of the act itself being committed. Too many pure and good souls were lost to us, driven by the desire to do justice,” you lectured her and you could feel her anger and frustration rising, however she would never dare to lash out on an emissary of the gods.

“Pretty words, that is all you can offer, meanwhile people are dying,” she spat out.

“Do you truly care about them, Artanis, or is their suffering your excuse to pick up the sword once more?” You asked but she was walking away angrily already and all you could see was her back, disappearing in the darkness of the corridor ahead of you.

You turned around once more and sighed at the doors leading back to the prison. You decided to leave Halbrand alone for the night but you worried about what would happen next. If he was about to choose the wrong path again, you would have to reveal his true self to everyone and interfere with his scheme.

Hope was all you had as you fidgeted with the ring around your finger.

“The visions are back and worse than ever,” Míriel confessed to you. “I suspect that it all has something to do with the Elf,” she added as she was trying to read your face but you made sure not to reveal anything.

“I knew that people of Númenor despised her kin but I underestimated the delicacy of the situation,” you admitted as you moved closer to the Queen Regent. “This is beyond worrying. The future of Númenor depends on your relationship with others. It is no time to make enemies instead of friends,” you warned.

“It would be an easier task to convince them that the Elves are not our enemies if only Lady Galadriel was not so…” the Queen Regent sighed, looking for the right word.

“Insufferable?” You chuckled and she nodded with a smile. “Elves differ from humans. They are not raised to be humble.”

“You know a lot about their kin,” Míriel pointed out, trying to make you confess who you truly were once more. She would never ask openly but sometimes she was teasing you this way.

“There are quite a few in the lands I come from,” you only answered.

“The lands you come from… Are they not The Southlands?” Míriel raised her eyebrows. “Like that human man?”

You took a deep breath in. If only you had known back then that your backstory would cause problems a few years later… But it was too late to change it because it would be highly suspicious.

“Yes,” you nodded. “But he is a commoner. I was a noble,” you added.

You were interrupted by Captain Elendil leading Lady Galadriel to you. She bowed her head slightly and exchanged a meaningful look with you.

“Lady Galadriel wishes for an audience,” Captain Elendil said and the Queen Regent nodded her head.

You stood still because these days she wanted you by her side always, no matter what. You did not even have to ask if you should leave or not.

“What is it?” Míriel asked when Galadriel stood on the other side of the table, facing you. She laid out two scrolls of paper in front of you – one was the same she had shown to Halbrand on the previous day and the other one was much more worn out and dirty.

“I found this in the Hall of Lore,” Galadriel informed the Queen Regent mysteriously and you allowed Míriel to see the items with her own eyes as you kept standing there with your hands clasped behind your back.

“You vex me, Elf,” Míriel looked up at Galadriel. “I welcome you as a guest and you gallop off to our countryside to steal ancient scrolls whilst your Southlander companion assaults our citizenry.”

“He is understandably quick to temper. His people are dying,” Galadriel explained.

“His people?” The Queen Regent asked, surprised.

“I believe the man you hold in your dungeons is no common brawler, but the lost heir in exile to the throne of The Southlands,” she revealed.

Míriel turned around to look at you and you raised your eyebrows slightly. You were not sure what to say to that. Should you help Mairon or interfere with his schemes? The answer was only easy for your mind but your heart wished to never cause him any trouble.

“Lady Maneth comes from The Southlands. She would know about that,” the Queen Regent informed Galadriel and the Elf looked at you, intensely.

“I cannot be sure,” you only said. “That there was a long gone line of Kings, I have known. That there are still their living descendants, I have not been aware of. That is not impossible, though,” you explained.

“His people are scattered. Leaderless,” Galadriel looked back at Míriel. “But with your backing they might unite behind his banner. And fight.”

How oblivious she was. His banner was nothing she would want to ever see floating in the air. His banner was nothing she would want to ever see people follow.

“What do you mean backing?” Míriel asked, taken aback by Galadriel’s proposal.

“Sauron was once your people’s enemy, as much as mine,” Galadriel reminded her and you moved uncomfortably. “I call on you to finish the task left undone.”

You might have hated this name more than he hated it. It brought you nothing but pain when others would address your Mairon this way – The Abhorred.

“I shall go,” you spoke, interrupting the tension between the two women. Míriel looked at you with a slight panic in her eyes because she did not want to be left alone with Galadriel but you simply could not stand being there anymore, hearing her talk about your Mairon. “I shall question that man, Halbrand. Mayhaps I will find out if he truly is what the Elf claims,” you said and Míriel nodded at you although you could sense she still felt uneasy to be left without your counsel.

You walked past Captain Elendil and went to the prison area of the palace like on the night before. Halbrand was sitting on the bench this time, with his back leaning on the iron bars. At the sound of your footsteps, he did not even flinch nor turned his head around. He did not have to. He knew it was you coming.

“Mairon…” You crouched down in front of his cell and wrapped your fingers around the bars. “Do not follow her, resist her temptation. Stay here with me.”

Halbrand turned around slowly with a playful smile on his lips as he looked down at you. You were not on your knees but it still seemed as if you were begging him.

“Stay here with you? Are you not a grand Lady on this island?” He asked.

“I can be anything I want and so can you,” you reminded him, your whisper was nearly inaudible but you did not need to speak your words out loud at all for him to hear them anyway. “We can live a lifetime here and then change our forms once more, start all over again. Over and over for the whole eternity. Far away from the rest. If I am to ever abandon my life alongside the gods, it will not be for your darkness… But it could be for this. For us.”

Halbrand stood up and the distance between you became even bigger now as he kept looking down at you with a hint of adoration mixed with pure contempt. He had to think you were pathetic and some part of him found it adorable but the other part found it embarrassing.

“It does not have to be Númenor,” you added. “We can go anywhere.”

“Let us go to The Southlands then,” Halbrand smirked. “Be the Queen alongside me.”

“You have made your decision then, I see,” you sighed and leaned in to press your forehead to the iron bars. “Will you ever love me enough to choose me over power?”

Halbrand did not like your choice of words as his eyes darkened. He crouched down as well, slowly, in a nearly threatening way. Now you were on his eye level as he looked intensely at you.

“Will you ever love me enough to choose me over your gods?” He asked.

The sound of footsteps made you stand up quickly and fix your dress. Halbrand also moved up and sat down on the bench. It was all done right in time because the guards walked inside the prison, dragging Lady Galadriel behind them. You watched with widened eyes as she was being thrown inside one of the cells.

“Don’t tell me,” Halbrand chuckled at her. “Tavern brawl?”

“Sedition,” she answered and Halbrand laughed as you gave her a scolding look.

When you joined Míriel again, she seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, staring outside the window. She turned her head around to smile at you gently and then she went back to staring ahead of her.

“And?” She asked.

“He asked for my hand,” you informed her with a playful smirk and the Queen Regent turned her head around once more to look at you with wide eyes.

“The audacity…” She sighed.

“Why?” You asked her with a soft smile.

“For a commoner to propose such a thing to a Lady like you… Even if it was only to jest–”

“It was not to jest, “you interrupted her. “If he is what Galadriel claims, then he would be my King,” you pointed out and an odd feeling filled your whole body when you called Mairon your King. A malicious one but also honey-like warm; sweetly spreading throughout your body.

“You are above human Kings, are you not, Lady Maneth?” Míriel raised an eyebrow at you. It was the very first time she asked such a thing so openly.

“I cannot answer that, my friend,” you smiled at her mysteriously, “but if he chooses to follow the path Lady Galadriel pushes him onto, I might have to follow him.”

“And abandon Númenor?” The Queen Regent asked. “Abandon me?”

“I am sorry,” you sighed. “Following him might be a task much more important than watching over this island,” you revealed to her.

Even though you were not given direct orders from the gods, it was obvious that watching over Mairon was more important because keeping his schemes under control would only profit in the end for everyone, including the people of Númenor. Míriel could not be told all the details, therefore she would never understand and she would feel abandoned by you. It was the price you had to pay.

It was an excuse, of course. Choosing to follow Mairon to Middle-earth to make sure he would not go back to his evil ways and that he would use the position Galadriel was giving him to do good instead… It was nothing but a noble excuse to simply explain the fact you wanted to follow him.

It was different now, though. It was not one of those times when he had begged you to come with him, straight to Morgoth. No, this time there was a string of hope that he would truly redeem himself. And of course he would have a bigger chance to do so with you by his side.

“It seems so important… Everything happening in Middle-earth. More important than I suspected. But if even you are willing to leave my side to go back there, it means there are things happening there that are much bigger than me,” Míriel said. “I must rethink Lady Galadriel’s words now then,” she informed you and walked past you to walk away. “Just like you must rethink Halbrand’s proposal.”

“Yes, I must,” you nodded at her and looked outside the window yourself. The sun was slowly setting and the view was beautiful – you wished it would forever be like this; so peaceful and calm with pink and orange hues.

Like back in the day when you had been sitting in the flower fields with Mairon, staring at the skies, your bodies filled with no malice – only pure yearning for one another.

The orange skies of the evening sky always reminded you of his ginger hair from back then and how you would brush it with your fingers, staring in awe at how the sunlight seemed to sparkle upon it.

You were standing by the guards’ side as you watched them open Halbrand’s cell. They nodded at him and he nodded back. The guards left you with him alone and an awkward silence occurred between you two.

“There, you have it your way,” you finally said, quietly.

“You must have missed me terribly,” he crossed his arms and chuckled but you did not want to laugh.

Your eyes filled with tears immediately at the mention of all those centuries you had spent thinking he was gone forever. You lifted your wet, glistening eyes to lay them on his and he clenched his jaw as he moved slightly while all playfulness left his expression.

“Do you know why I could not be killed?” Halbrand approached you to cup your chin and you shook your head. “Because of the part of me still living inside of you. As long as you are alive, I cannot be slain,” he explained. “However, the part of you that lives within me had to suffer for all those centuries alongside me and there is not a day passing when I do not regret causing you such pain.”

“Oh, Mairon…” You gasped and threw your arms around his neck to pull him closer and hug him.

However, he had something else on his mind. He blinked slowly a few times and cupped your cheeks now with his rough hands as he leaned in to join your lips together.

For the first time in your immortal life, you finally found out how sweet his lips were. And gods, how good they felt… How right. Your souls intertwined at that moment, every missing piece finding its place as if you were forged into one body.

“Before we were created, we had been a piece of stardust in the abyss and we had been one flesh then, of that I am sure,” Mairon whispered after breaking the kiss. “I should have kissed you much earlier, my love, for I have never felt so whole before.”

“No,” you shook your head. “I am glad you are kissing me only now,” you added and he raised an eyebrow at you. “For if you had kissed me like that back in the day, I would have followed you into corruption straight away. I would have worn black armour forged out of iron and I would have become Morgoth’s most zealous Lieutenant by your side – only to feel your lips on mine again,” you confessed.

Just when you finished voicing out your blasphemous feelings, Halbrand’s lips kissed you once more. This time he lowered his hands to intertwine your fingers with his. You felt him smirking when he felt the ring on your finger brushing his skin.

“Let us get married. Straight away,” he breathed out. “You are wearing my ring already. You have worn it for all eternity.”

“It would be only fair if you wore something from me as well. Something to mark you as my own like I am yours,” you pointed out.

“What would it be, my sweet?” Mairon caressed your cheek and you smirked at him a little before you reached out to the back of your neck.

You had prepared your gift for him this very morning when you already knew he would be released. There was a pendant around your neck, hidden under your dress. You took it off now and handed it to him as he slightly moved away at the sight of it.

It was a beautiful pendant surely although you made sure it would not look too feminine, so he would wear it at all times. However, what it contained inside was what truly intimidated him – it was a small portion of your light that you had sacrificed to lock in there. Wearing it could save his soul, of that you were sure. But in his eyes it surely was a form of imprisonment.

“Have you not sacrificed enough of your light for me already?” Mairon asked.

“Never enough. I shall sacrifice as much of it as I can to save you, my love,” you insisted and pushed the necklace into his open hand as you closed it around the pendant.

Mairon forced a smile as he swallowed thickly and opened his hand again to stare at the necklace before slowly putting it around his neck and hiding it under his tunic.

“Thank you,” he whispered in Quenya and you smiled back at him, encouragingly.

It had been ages since you last wore armour. Lately, the Valar had been using you more as a politician than a warrior but you still remembered the wars you had taken part of. Back then you had been on the opposite side of the field from Mairon but now you were by his side, riding your horse next to his as people of Númenor were throwing flowers at you. 

You took a deep breath in when it was time for you to jump off of your mare. What you were about to do would be equal to making a final decision about your fate – leaving Númenor meant forsaking the task that had been given to you by the Valar. However, you wanted to believe that they would value your new task even more; the one you had given to yourself. To watch over Mairon and make sure no one would know him as Sauron ever again.

He helped you to get on the ship and when you held his hand tight and he grinned at you, your heart filled with love and warmth. There was, however, a hint of worry because you knew what a skilled deceiver he could be. 

To become the King and Queen of The Southlands and to erase the darkness from that long-forsaken land was your shared goal now. Or so he had been promising you. To unite the tribes of that realm and to make sure they had a bright future. And once your mortal forms would become old enough, you would abandon or transform them to start a new life somewhere else. To heal more and more lands, more kins. 

You wanted to believe the healing would be done in the right and proper way this time because now he had you by his side.

Your new husband and an old companion smirked at you and squeezed your cheek playfully before turning around to join Captain Elendil to speak to him as the ships sailed out of the harbour. Lady Galadriel stood next to you instead and she glanced at you from the corner of her eye.

“I know it is not my right to ask about the ways of the Valar and the Maiar but why would a spirit like you marry a human and abandon the task originally given to her?” She raised an eyebrow at you.

“The road goes ever winding,” you answered her. “Not even the Valar or the Maiar can see all its paths.”

“Your devotion to this cause makes me believe I was right to fight so eagerly for this to happen,” she said and you smiled to yourself. She was so desperate.

“You are right, Artanis. It is not your right to know about the ways of my kind,” you patted her shoulder and gave her a faint smile as she nodded, staring into the horizon.

You looked there, too, but your mind was absent. You were scared and unsure – some part of you nearly wanted to be as blind as Lady Galadriel because she seemed to be so certain and fearless.

You turned around and realised that he was looking at you already. And at that moment, he looked like the Maia he had been created as – so pure with that wide smile and the sun shining behind him, creating a halo around his form. He looked handsome as ever in Númenorian armour, so different from the one he had been wearing as Morgoth’s Lieutenant. 

You gave him a wide smile back, so full of love and devotion. Perhaps his star would begin to shine in the night sky once more.

MASTERLIST

[insomniac4000]

133 George clarke

that’s your nickname

George Clarkeey had a routine. Every morning, before diving into filming or editing his latest YouTube video, he’d walk to the coffee shop just around the corner. It wasn’t just about the coffee—though the flat whites were undeniably good—it was also about her.

She worked the morning shift most days, her apron tied neatly over her light blue blouse, her hair pinned up in a messy bun that seemed to defy gravity. She moved with the grace of someone who’d been doing this for years, yet, amusingly, her coordination failed her just as often.

It started two weeks ago. George had been sitting at his usual spot near the window, sipping his coffee, when he saw it happen. She was carrying a tray loaded with steaming mugs, chatting with a coworker, when her foot caught on the edge of the mat. The tray tilted, her eyes widened, and before anyone could intervene, the mugs clattered to the floor, coffee splashing everywhere.

George had felt bad for her, sure, but the way she laughed it off, cheeks pink with embarrassment, made him smile. She grabbed a towel, joking with the customers about her “clumsiness quota” for the day.

The nickname came to him the third time he saw her drop something—a stack of saucers this time. As the plates spun like tiny UFOs before smashing, George had leaned over to his friend WillNE and whispered, "Spills."

Will raised an eyebrow. “Spills?”

“Yeah, it suits her. She’s got...a certain flair for it.” George’s grin was unapologetic.

From that day on, in his head, she wasn’t just the cute barista. She was Spills.

George started finding excuses to visit the coffee shop more often. A mid-morning snack, an afternoon pick-me-up, even a decaf tea on his way back from the gym—he wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all himself.

But Spills wasn’t making it easy for him. Sure, she smiled when he ordered, laughed at his jokes, and once even gave him an extra shot of caramel syrup for free. But was that barista-friendly customer service, or something more?

He couldn’t tell. And the uncertainty was driving him mad.

“Just ask her out,” Will said one day while they were filming.

George groaned, burying his face in his hands. “It’s not that simple! What if she says no? Then I can never go back there.”

“Mate, if you don’t, someone else will.”

That thought lingered in George’s mind longer than he wanted to admit.

The next morning, George walked into the coffee shop with a plan. He’d compliment her hair or her earrings, ease into a conversation, and then casually suggest grabbing a coffee—outside of her workplace, of course.

But as he approached the counter, his courage wavered.

“Morning, George,” she greeted him with a smile. She knew his name! That had to mean something, right?

“Hey, Sp—” He caught himself just in time. “Hey, morning! How’s it going?”

Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “Pretty good. You?”

“Uh, yeah, great! Just filming later. Usual flat white, please.”

As she prepared his drink, George mentally kicked himself. That was his big plan? Small talk and his usual order?

She handed him the cup, her fingers brushing his for a split second. He thought he might combust.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, retreating to his table.

He hadn’t even sat down before it happened.

Spills struck again.

This time, it was a tower of croissants. She’d been stacking them on the display shelf when her elbow bumped the tray. George watched, frozen, as the pastries tumbled to the floor like buttery dominoes.

“Oh no!” she exclaimed, crouching to gather them up.

Without thinking, George jumped to his feet and hurried over to help.

“Here, let me,” he said, picking up a particularly squashed croissant.

She looked up at him, cheeks red but smiling. “Thanks. You didn’t have to do this.”

“Are you kidding? This is the highlight of my morning.”

She laughed, the sound musical and genuine. “The highlight?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s not every day you get to witness...the art of Spills in action.”

Her eyes widened. “Spills?”

Oh no. Had he actually said that out loud?

“That's your nickname I—I mean...” George stumbled over his words, panic setting in. “It’s just...you’ve got a bit of a track record, that’s all.”

To his surprise, she burst out laughing. “Spills, huh? I guess I’ve earned that one.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Mad? No. If anything, I’m impressed you noticed. Most people just ignore it or give me weird looks.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think it’s kind of...endearing.”

She tilted her head, studying him. “Endearing, huh?”

George felt his face heat up. “Yeah. I mean, you handle it well. Most people would just freak out.”

“Thanks, George. You’re sweet.”

And just like that, the moment was perfect.

“So,” he said, trying to sound casual, “if you’re not too busy spilling coffee tomorrow, maybe we could grab one together?”

Her eyes sparkled, a mix of surprise and something he hoped was excitement. “You’re asking me out?”

“Only if you say yes.”

She smiled, standing up with the tray of croissants. “Okay, Spills accepts. But only if you stop calling me that.”

“No promises,” George teased, grinning as she walked back behind the counter.

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

[amuser-96]

Considering sea-dwellers have been alive and mutated long before either Meenah or Feferi landed on the planet, and considering both Beforus and Alternia Empress’s being over several thousands years old… It’s like blue eyes, it’s a mutation that’s happened so long ago, and it’s so coveted that it’s the exception.

I mean all of the main 12 beta trolls’ high bloods have the most obvious mutations and yet they were probably the least likely to get culled for it, if they’d made it to adulthood without the game, as long as they conformed to expectations.

Even Equius’s absurd strength is a mutation, it’s even stronger than other blue bloods. It’s to an uncontrollable degree that makes it hard for him to have the career he wanted to.

Vriska is also a mutant, a real “freakish” one too. Her eight fold eyes is a mutation and so is her psychic ability to control minds. Considering other than purple bloods high bloods aren’t supposed to have psychic powers.

There’s also her x-ray vision that doesn’t technically have to do with her role as a game player; it’s an actual mutation to do with her 8 fold pupils unlike Rose’s esoteric Seer abilities. Also, the fact that Vriska is apparently able to make spider webs, like that’s an actual ability she can do but never brings up because it’s embarrassing and useless.

The two sea-dwellers are technically mutants but their entire caste as are mutants. Well, Eridan also has that embarrassing colored hair streak, that’s also a mutation and not like a hair dye choice, lol.

We don't talk enough about sea dwellers being a mutation

[lonelychicago]

wip saturday!

tagged by the lovelies @honestlydarkprincess and @midsummersmorn

uhhhh so, this is a new wip! that's all im gonna say

The foreman dismisses all of them and the firefighters start to pack up their things— all in all, it was a short, easy call. But it left Eddie rattled and off-kelter, torn up in two. A part of him wants to get the hell out of there as fast as he can, wants to run far, far away from Buck and the guilt that's been clawing at his throat for years, but that now it's at an all time high.

Another part of him, though, doesn't want to ever move from there. Before he can stop himself, his eyes drink in Buck desperately, like a dying man in the middle of the desert stumbling into some fresh, delicious water.

His white t-shirt sticks to his chest, made nearly transparent with sweat. The hard lines and ridges of his stomach ripple under the damp material as he moves, shifting his safety helmet from one arm to another as he shifts in place. Eddie can't help it when his gaze from falling to where Buck's work gloves are shoved in the tool belt slung around his waist, so heavy that it drags down the waistband of his jeans, so they're riding slowly on his hips.

He's so much broader and muscular than the last time Eddie saw him.

Seven years ago, Buck was tall and not really scrawny— He was one of their star school athletes, captain of the football team and one of the best members in the wrestling team. He'd been toned and one of the most popular guys at school. But now, he's triple the size he'd been then, and his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, doesn't seem as boyish and easygoing as it once was.

That's Eddie's fault.

“Hey, Buckley. Why don't you come with us to the station? You'll get free lunch in exchange for Diaz's most embarrassing, cringe worthy stories from high school.” Chimney says, and Eddie wants to laugh, cry, and kill his friend all at the same time. “Besides, what better concussion watch than a group of well trained professionals?”

“Uh…” Buck's eyes dart quickly from Eddie to literally anywhere and anyone else. “I don't know—”

“Cap makes a mean lasagna. You really don't wanna miss that.”

“That's true,” Bobby grins.

“Come,” Eddie finds himself saying, his mouth moving and speaking the words out loud before his mind can even process what's happening. “You should come. We can, uh, catch up.”

Catch up? What the actual fuck? Eddie knows damn well where Buck's been all these years, and the guy probably hates his guts. He's probably cussing him out internally, wishing Eddie would just go away—

“Okay. Sure.” Buck's soft voice cuts Eddie's spiraling and then there's that. “Just let me grab my stuff really quick, and I'll follow you guys back to the station in my car.”

tagging: @monsterrae1 @bi-buckrights @beyourownanchor6 @bigfootsmom @devirnis @maygrantgf @father-salmon @underwaterninja13 @eddiebabygirldiaz @exhuastedpigeon @watchyourbuck @thelikesofus @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @tizniz @dangerpronebuddie

[pepprs]

hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗

[shadamyheadcanons]

I can see Shadow being a girl dad, he'd be the type to pull out a gun whenever a adult gets too close to his kid but also be the one to dress up as a fairy princess for her tea party.

I’ve always loved this, too! Shadow just gets along super well with women and girls. I don’t know of any time when he’s had a proper conversation with Cream, but wholesome fanart of him babysitting her and wearing flower crowns she made for him is everywhere.

I interpret Shadow’s protectiveness in a specific way. He’d stand between his kids and a threat whenever necessary, especially when the kids are young, but I think he’d ultimately prioritize teaching them to defend against any threats themselves. I see him as less of a “mess with my kids and I’ll make you pay” dad and more of an “if anyone messes with you, sweetheart, don’t hold back” dad. He doesn’t have to worry because he’s made sure they’ve got it covered. Every shadamy kid gets a gun, a hammer, or both, and his respect for women means he wouldn’t hesitate to arm them. None of this “girls are delicate flowers” nonsense from Shadow. Martial arts are on the table, too; with Amy, Shadow, Knuckles, and Rouge all being close by, she’d be a threat even without a weapon.

In all seriousness, he’d want to be absolutely sure the kid is battle-ready even when he’s not around because he knows better than anyone what the consequences could be otherwise. That’s one thing I think he’d love about Amy, too; he knows she’s made herself a contender in her own right, and they’ll both look out for the ones they love. Together. Battle Couple, Battle Family.

Toonsite has a couple really cute comics about Shadow babysitting Cream that fit this motif...

[x] [x]

...and ChocomilkAmy has a funny one with a shadamy fankid:

[x]

And although I love the idea of Shadow having a daughter, he’d of course love his kid regardless of gender. Which gives me an excuse to link Rhael’s wonderful, adorable little mini-comic of human!Shadow holding his newborn son:

[x]

I’m not crying, you’re crying :’)

And speaking of kids and family stuff...

@multishipingriy

I think Amy would be the one to ask for a first date, but Shadow would be the one to propose. Amy initiating the relationship matches her bold personality and lines up with my recent theory about their feelings. I also sometimes wonder if Shadow would be insecure about romance or feel she “deserved better,” so he’d hesitate to act first, but she’d break down those walls and pump up his self-esteem straight away. A few years in, he’d definitely have the confidence to propose. It’s not that Amy wouldn’t, but more that I feel she’d forever cherish a romantic proposal, and he’d want to do that for her. Shadow knows what he wants, and if that’s Amy, he’ll make it happen. Because they both deserve it.

The topic of children is one that I think is unique to their situation because Amy’s already made it clear she wants them, even this early in her life. Sonic Battle was particularly brazen about it...

(Sega made Cream a rabbit when they should have made her a GOAT.)

...but if that seems like too much because it is, I’ve organized this before, too:

Amy’s already nurturing. Once she gets older, I believe her existing behavior would bend in a more motherly direction, and it would be so clear that she wants to be a mom that she wouldn’t even need to formally clarify it. The onus would be on Shadow, I think, to speak up once he feels comfortable with the idea. I suggested some of his potential reservations in headcanon #167.

I think he’d be great at it. If you’re curious why I feel that way, check out my Father’s Day headcanon from a few years ago.

[ofdarknesseyes]

There was definitely no denying it. This kid was his son, it was still almost unsettling. After all these years, Toji would have thought that his son would seem like a stranger to him. Yet here they were and despite everything, Toji still saw the little baby who brightened his life even if it was momentarily all those years ago. His baby, he tries not to think but it fills his mind anyways. He reminds himself that to Megumi he is nothing but a stranger—the cold and cruel man who abandoned him and who almost killed him. He is actually glad that Megumi is distrustful and wary of him. Rather he be that than too trusting. Though he could tell Megumi was warming up to him at least a little, and then again so was he. After all, he was the one who wanted to leave again. The longer he stuck around the more he realized he may not be able to leave again.

At least Megumi still had some fight in him though. He could see the anger still simmering in those pretty eyes of his. Yeah, they were the same color as his but Megumi’s eyes were still far more pretty. Filled with so much emotion, he wonders if Megumi knows the power he has over people with those pretty eyes. Probably not… This amuses him, even though he knows his son’s anger should not amuse him. He deserves that anger, though and he will gladly let Megumi take it out on him. Might as well if he’s going to stick around. Toji can’t deny he’s curious as to why Megumi wants him to stick around. Was it really because he just wanted his dad in his life? Even if he knows his father is a good-for-nothing asshole? Or does he really think that there’s more to Toji? Sorry kid there isn’t… Fucking hell… Toji almost chokes when he notices the blush on Megumi’s face. What the hell was there to be blushing about? Why does he look so damn cute… He has to bite back the grin and the urge to pinch his cheek hard. How is it that his teenage son is still the damn cutest brat to exist? Maybe all parents feel this way but Toji is pretty sure his kid is the cutest. He doesn’t let go right away. Instead, his face is leaning in slightly a playful smirk playing about his lips as his eyes study Megumi. Finally, he releases him but not before his eyes widen slightly at what Megumi says.

“I mean I guess there’s no denying you’re my kid. But I’m not as emo nor nearly as pretty.”

He grins and pats the top of Megumi’s head before finally walking away. Grunting in response to him saying he should shower. He picks up the leftover pizza to put it away in the kitchen area of the suite. Going to rummage in the fridge for the drinks he bought. God, he needed a cigarette… He hasn’t smoked at all since being back alive he realized just now… Why didn’t he buy any at the store? Or at least some alcohol. This revelation shook him to the core. He had been so focused on Megumi that he had not once thought about what he wanted… Other than he kept avoiding the fact that he wanted to stay by Megumi’s side.

Damn it, he really was a mess. Maybe that’s what happens when you get a second shot at life if that's what this was. Do you get soft and try making up for the mistakes you made in life? Toji never thought he would be one to care to make up for anything but the more time he spent with Megumi, the more he realized that part of him did yearn for something he was not familiar with or perhaps just something he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

While Megumi goes to shower Toji takes the opportunity to lay in the bed and rest. He meant to just take a moment but he ends up falling asleep to the sound of the running water.

Father and son were easily distinguished in appearance and soon showed in the form of emotion and actions. Pensive, closed off, battling their emotions, and deep down wanting desperately to close the awkward gap between them. If the world didn't know better they might have thought Megumi was raised by Toji to learn all his mannerisms. What they had was in the blood. Even in another ten years and half a world apart, the son would be like his father. For a moment Megumi got a brief inkling of that.

For the first time since reuniting, he saw more than the similarities in their green eyes and black hair but his father, this absent man, took the wind out of those sails when he said GUMI. The nerve! As if his father had been an ACTUAL father. It twisted his stomach in knots but those knots felt loosened when the conversation returned to the serious, bigger picture which lied in front of them. For all either of them knew, this reunion would be just a reunion as either or both of them could die in the fight to come.

Very solemn train of thought was upended and a rush of heat hit Megumi straight in the face. He didn't know why. Was it the heat from the anger that was resurfacing? No, it felt different -- his father was being so brave and commanding. Megumi struggled to swallow when he was face-to-face with his father again and just as he thought about turning away ever so subtly, Toji's fingers were grabbing him. It startled him for half a second. He didn't really think his father would hit him again but he certainly wasn't expecting goofiness or fondness. Now he really felt hot all over.

“ Stop. ”

With his cheeks squished, he sounded muzzled; a wolfdog hybrid being domesticated with love he wasn't sure whether he hated or loved yet. It was similar to all the shenanigans Satoru had pulled with his overly affectionate hugs, hair ruffles, and cheek pinching, but it was different coming from Toji. His true father. Hands quickly went up to smack Toji's hands but it wasn't actually meant to harm his father... if such a thing was possible.

“ I always look like this. I look like--- you. ”

Only like a foolish teenager. Only one percent as good looking and masculine as Toji. Green eyes met green eyes and Megumi decided to maintain the steady eye contact. Part of him was curious to see if he kept pushing this relationship would it drive Toji away despite his claims of sticking around. One thing was saying, another thing was facing your son and realizing there was no turning back. His heart was racing faster and faster.

“ I should shower. I probably smell... bad. ”

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Thoughts on Scriddler?

This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up...

Firstly, you gotta understand that all that follows is a recollection of the fandom over the years, since 2015 to be exact. Speaking stickily Jonathan Crane fandom, Scriddler has always been the most popular ship for Scarecrow. I couldn't give ya a beginning to this, as even back then I found years old art for Scriddler circulating. Though, tumblr as a social media is where it blossomed.

When I first started this blog, I had my OC to develop and I was very self conscious and unknowingly putting myself through trauma via art school and a lack of disability accessibility. Not gonna get into that, but I was very vulnerable as well as impressionable.

I did NOT like Scriddler, almost detested it. It seemed like it was everywhere, and this was before tumblr had a decent way of blocking. Not that it would have helped, because for some reason i liked suffering. Felt like I deserved to be depressed. Took me a long time to realize blocking content actually made life better aslhkds

Anyways, even early on I had a lot of support, people wanted to know about my OC and cared, but I always felt like I played second fiddle to the holy of holy, Scriddler. And if you've read any of my recent posts, you know I've come to accept that just how it is with OCs. But that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share of anon hate, suicide threats, etc. The fandom was not always welcoming. Or perhaps there was just a minority who loved to abuse the anon function. (if you think there's a lot of drama today, you were not there when it was bad)

It took me a LONG time to grow to like Scriddler. I used to feel like they had very little in common, and it bothered me that most of the art was majorly sexual. That's a whole 'nother can of worms, but ya know. I don't hate Scriddler today, which should be obvious seeing as I reblog it now. Though, I like Hattercrow a tad more.

A lot of this was my own internal issues, though the fandoms penchant to take two males who never interact and ship them, suffice to say is alive and strong. Nicely enough however, there has been more "Scriddler" like content from comics. (I say this loosely, but they do interact quite a bite more than they did ten years ago)

Scriddler, and to a lesser, Hattercrow, is a ship you either love or hate. Except me. I kinda fall in the middle. Though I feel it's worth mentioning that Scarecrow has had his fair share of female/female presenting ships too, and as much as I hate to say it, they're generally disliked by the greater fandom. (or simply ignored) We all know why. I've mentioned this before. :/ and I've had close friends give up on their ships because of it. Just like me. I gave up. I hat admitting that, but I can't compete with Scriddler.

I wish there was a way to change that, but I wouldn't know were to start. That's why I try to support OCs for example, someones gotta do it. I can't let another person go through what I went though.

TL;DR: Sciddler is not a bad ship, I don't dislike it anymore, but don't think I'm not silently side eyeing the loud minority who shit on anyone for even thinking Jonathan could love a woman. Ya know, despite canon only showing evidence for that.

[fanficsbysteve]

Morning Bliss

Author Note: And thus ended this little trilogy of ideas that I had. Thanks everyone for the likes and reading these stories of mine. I'm working on some other ideas right now. I have a Christmas one that I love and maybe a few other ideas. I also accept Prompts if anyone wants to send those my way. Its not necessary but if you wanted to read them in order it goes Part 1 and Part 2

Rating: PG

W/C: 3408

***

                Tommy was comfortable in bed, relaxing, just staring at the ceiling of the bedroom. Three different bodies were snoring around him. Evan was sprawled across the bed, legs crossing Tommy’s, his torso pushed up against his own. Arms a jumbled mess. He was snoring lightly. The other two were snoring very loudly. Evan had wanted the dogs. So, after meeting them 4 years ago, the two decided to adopt them. So now Mitzi and Bitzi were lying sprawled across the end of the bed. Tommy had the barest sliver on the bed, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He had gotten used to sleeping as a board on one spot, not moving during his army years.

                Another creature decided to make itself known. Their Orange cat Pickles jumped up onto the bed and started to knead on Tommy’s chest. No claws. They had not declawed her, that would have been cruel, but they did make sure that her claws were trimmed as often as they were brave enough to get scratches everywhere.

                Tommy brought his hand up and started to stroke Pickles across the back as she made biscuits on him. He never understood why everyone called it ‘making biscuits’. As far as he knew you barely kneaded biscuit dough. That’s how it got its flakes and everything. What cats did was more like kneading bread or buns. He was thinking way too into this. Pickles started purring gently as Tommy gave her the love she so desperately deserved.

                “Morning,” A voice came from Tommy’s side. Evan had woken up with the purring it seems. This man could sleep through anything, except the cat purring for some reason.

                “Morning,” Tommy leaned over and gave Evan a deep kiss, “Sleep well?”

                “I was until Pickles here decided to start making her crescendo,” Evan smiled and reached over to stroke the cat as well.

                “I’m still not sure how a cat purring gently wakes you up,” Tommy gestured to the cat, “While the pair of chainsaws at the end of the bed do nothing.” The two dogs both snored loudly at that, the perfect moment. The movement of the bed is not waking them up at all.

                “Well, I’m used to the chainsaws,” Evan said, “You aren’t exactly silent when you sleep,” Evan winked.

                “I don’t know what you mean,” Tommy smiled. He carefully lifted Pickles off his chest, “Ugh there is too much to do today,” He felt his knees being annoying as he stood up. The joys of getting older. All your joints crack like you are a walking talking glowstick, but they refuse to glow, which was very rude of them. As if on cue, he stood up and felt both of his knees crack and his back a bit.

                “Well, you are retired now you know,” Evan stated, “So you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want.”

                Tommy had retired from the LAFD. He was in his mid-forties now. And all the work he had been doing had started to catch up with him. He wasn’t worried though. Evan was still working for the LAFD, and they already owned the house. When they had decided to move in together all those years ago, Evan had sold his loft, and Tommy had sold his house. If they were going to move in together then they should start fresh. Not ‘Evan’s loft’ or ‘Tommy’s house.’ They wanted a place that was both of theirs that didn’t come with any previous baggage. They pooled their assets together and bought a nice house in Ontario. The drive to work for them was murder somedays depending on the traffic, but it was a home of their own. Evan got an amazingly huge kitchen to bake and cook and do whatever culinary endeavors he wants. Tommy managed to bring his Car life with him so he could still do that work. Within a few years of them moving, Evan had been offered a promotion to the LAFD in Ontario. He wasn’t sure he should take it, as it would have taken him away from his 118 family, but each and every one of them had pushed him to take it. So, in the end with everyone supporting him, and promising to come see his new firehouse, Evan agreed to become the Captain of the 368.

                Out of bed, and joints no longer making a weird popping noise, Tommy heads to the stairs heading down from the second floor to the first floor. This was one of the few two-story houses in the area. Being in California, they didn’t have many houses with multiple floors. Not very earthquake safe. But this house called to the two of them. So, the stairs and second floor were part of the deal. The floors were mildly cold this morning, but Tommy wasn’t bothered by it. The cold helped to wake up his senses while he walked down the stairs. As he walked, he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. The dogs had woken up and Evan was playing with them. He got down the stairs and went to the kitchen to start the coffee. Evan wouldn’t forgive him if he messed up the kitchen in his attempts to make breakfast. The kitchen was his domain and Tommy respected that.

                He walked to the front door, the morning newspaper sitting there waiting. Call him old but he did prefer to read his news in an actual newspaper sometimes. Plus, he got to do a crossword with Evan which was always fun. His husband and all this random knowledge made it easier. Setting up at the table, Tommy waited for the coffee to be done. A stampede of noise came from the stairs and Tommy knew that Evan and the dogs were on the way down. Breakfast would be soon.

                When they entered the kitchen, Bitzi beelined her way towards Tommy. Each of the dogs had their favorite human. Bitzi really liked Tommy while Mitzi loved Evan. That’s not to say that they didn’t like other humans, they just knew their favorites. Tommy reached down and started to scratch Bitzi behind her ear, “And how are you doing today my Bitzi-boo?”

                Her tail was wagging and beating against the table leg. He loved this dog so much, “Did you want to go outside?” he asked the dog.

                Saying the magic word, Bitzi and Mitzi both went into an insane level of zoomies around the house, Tommy stood up from the table and head to the door to the backyard. Opening the door, the two dogs ran outside to do their business. Tommy left the door open, while closing the screen door, letting a nice breeze into the room, “So what did you have planned for breakfast?” Tommy asked as he went towards the kitchen. Evan had already started to make something for them.

                “I’m thinking some biscuits and gravy. It’s something we had that time we went to Texas to visit the Reyes-Strands,” Evan explained, “It’s been a while, and I have all the stuff to make fresh biscuits.”

                “That sounds amazing,” Tommy said. He chuckled a little, “I still can’t get over how TK clocked you before you even knew it yourself. His 'I knew it!' and looking triumphant was worth it.”

                “Quiet you,” Evan playfully snapped, “I was still uncertain. Remember how I was all ‘I’m an Ally’ when we first went out? It took a while to figure out what I wanted. Besides, I think he expected me to be with Eddie which would have been so weird.”

                “That would have been very weird indeed,” Tommy winked, “So what do you want me to do to help with this?”

                “Well, I don’t trust you to make the biscuits,” Tommy’s face had a hurt look on it, “You just aren’t that good with baking. So, I won’t need your help until they are in the oven.”

                “Well, I guess I’ll just go sit over at the table and start my crossword then,” Tommy pouted as he went towards his chair. When he got there, he found Pickles stretched across the chair, belly up, “Excuse me miss, you seem to be sitting in my spot,” Pickles made a pawing action at Tommy which he found adorable. He scooped the orange cat up in his hands and brought her up close, feeling her purring into his chest. While the dogs were a joint adoption, Pickles was solely something that Tommy had brought with them. She was a stray that he had started feeding about a decade ago. Eventually she moved in with him and has been with him ever since.

                Sitting in his chair, Pickles purring contently on his lap, Tommy started to do the morning crossword. He did all the easy ones first. Something he didn’t need to ask for help with. Small victories at the start. Soon it got to the harder ones, so he sighed, “What’s a 6-letter word for ‘ear bone’?”

                Evan was busy working away on his biscuit dough. He had today off work, so he didn’t need to rush through breakfast. On these days, Tommy was spoiled. He really didn’t deserve this man but somehow, they have made it work for the past 7 years, “Stapes,” Evan said aloud and spelled it.

                “Thanks, love,” Tommy said filling in the boxes. That gave him the answers to another few before he needed help again. At that moment, however, there was a gentle pawing at the screen door. The dogs wanted to be let in.

                Tommy was about to put down his newspaper when Evan said, “I’ve got it. Need to let the dough rest a bit,” Tommy continued with his crossword, “And how did My Bitches enjoy their time outside?”

                Tommy sighed, “I really wish you wouldn’t call them that.”

                “Why not?” Evan was rubbing both their heads before letting them go towards their food and water bowls, “It’s the correct terminology. A female dog is referred to as a bitch. So calling them my bitches is just me calling them my female dogs.”

                “It just feels weird,” Tommy replied, “Seven letter word. ‘kneecap’.”

                “Patella,” Evan responded back in the kitchen. He washed his hands before going back to making the biscuits. The oven beeped that it had reached the temperature for baking, “You should know that. Aren’t you a firefighter?”

                “I was a pilot,” Tommy filled in the letters, “There were medics on hand for that kind of stuff. I just had to focus on making sure that we didn’t crash.”

                “I just had an idea,” Evan said, “Something to keep you occupied all these retired days.”

                “And that would be?”

                “Well, I know you miss flying,” Evan started to roll out the dough and start cutting it into circles, “And they always want either flying instructors or those ‘Fly over LA’ tour things. Could be something.”

                Tommy looked contemplative. He did miss flying. But did he really want to be some kind of tour guide to the city? He doesn’t really know much about the city he’s spent the past couple of decades living here, “Not sure I would be good as a tour guide. I know exactly nothing about LA except where stuff burned down.”

                “Oh, you can probably just be the pilot who flies people around,” Evan explained, “They give you a route you fly over. Someone else does the talking.”

                “I’ll look into it,” Tommy smiled. He really did miss the flying. And anything that could get him back into the air was very welcome, “Do you remember the first time we met?”

                “How could I forget,” Evan stopped what he was doing for a second to look wistfully into nothing, “Flying into a hurricane to rescue Bobby and Athena after their cruise ship pulled a Poseidon.”

                “I’m sure you know this, but after we landed and the reunions started,” Tommy looked at Evan, “The moment you touched my shoulder. That’s the moment that I knew you were the one for me. I don’t know how, but I just knew it then and there.”

                “And yet,” Evan continued with his biscuits, lying them nicely on a baking tray, “Let’s not forget the time you broke up with me. That wasn’t very smart of you.”

                “Yes well,” Tommy coughed. Evan smiled at him, “As we all know I’ve had to deal with plenty of trauma’s growing up and I didn’t think that I would live up to the ideal that you had for me.”

                “Well, you were the only man I ever wanted,” Evan replied, “And even during all that dating while we were apart, I could only compare everyone to you. This person wasn’t tall enough, this person’s eyes were the wrong color, this person didn’t have your way of speaking. Just a bunch of judgements that I couldn’t stop because deep down, I knew you were the one for me as well.”

                “Looks like we were both smart enough in the end,” Tommy smiled. He had stopped his crossword puzzle at this point. Just content with their cat on his lap, the dogs lying around the kitchen while Evan did the cooking like he always preferred.

                Once the biscuits were in the oven, Evan let Tommy know that he could reenter the kitchen and help with the cooking, “I’ll get you to start browning the sausage,” Evan should really have been a chef in a kitchen. He knew his way around a kitchen better than anyone else he knew, but he loved saving people as a firefighter more than anything. It had given him purpose all those years ago when he first started at the 118. It still gives him purpose today even though he does spend a large amount of time behind a desk now.

                Evan hovered over Tommy as he browned the sausage, “You do know that I can do this,” Tommy smiled as he kept moving the meat around the pan, but leaned in and snuck a kiss from his husband, “Browning meat isn’t the most difficult thing in the world.”

                “I’ve been watching my probies mess things up for too many weeks I guess,” Evan chuckled and stepped back, “I don’t think they could tell the difference between a farfalle, and a cavatappi if I didn’t point it out to them.”

                “I wouldn’t be able to tell either,” Tommy finished with browning the sausage, he then took a step ahead before Evan had a chance to tell him and started by adding a dab of butter for a bit more fat in the pan, and then started to sprinkle in flour to make the roux, “I only know the Italian names because you insist on using them all the time. Us non-culinarily inclined individuals just call them bowties and corkscrews,” letting the flour cook off a bit, to a blond roux, Tommy then added the milk into the pan.

                “Yes well,” Evan coughed, “You seem to have things handled here. I’ll check on the biscuits,” Thankfully they had decided to spend a bit more and had some high-end kitchen equipment ordered when they moved in. Evan had wanted a gas stove, so they got that, and kept the oven separate from the stovetop. That was one of the things he really wanted. That way when he was cooking, he could bake and cook at the same time and check on things. Or like right now, when Tommy was helping to cook, they didn’t need to worry about things burning while one of them was trying to move out of the way to get to the oven.

                The biscuits weren’t ready yet, but they were close, the sausage gravy smelled delicious though. Tommy dipped his pinky into the gravy, getting a slight burning from it and tasted it before starting to add some salt and pepper and a few herbs. Always taste and adjust as you cook is the motto in this kitchen. After mixing a bit, Tommy grabbed a spoon from the drawer next to the stovetop and scooped a little onto the spoon and offered it to Evan, “Let me know if it’s missing anything.”

                Evan took the spoon and tasted the gravy. He clicked his tongue a little and asked, “You added something new from the last time we made this.”

                “Bit more sage,” Tommy admitted, “I like the flavour it adds and the sausage we have doesn’t have enough for my liking.”

                “Tastes good,” Evan admitted, “I’ll have to keep that in mind. We should start making our own sausage instead of buying it all the time. Get the blends that we enjoy.”

                “We are going to turn into that couple that cans and stores and grows everything aren’t we,” Tommy laughed.

                “I mean it wouldn’t be that big of a stretch for me to do that,” Evan joked, “But I don’t think we have enough time right now with my work and you’re piloting.”

                “You know I haven’t decided on that,” Tommy said, “You only brought it up maybe 10 minutes ago.”

                “I know how much being in the air means to you,” Evan replied, “And I know that regardless of your thoughts on it, you will end up looking at something like the tour guide thing. I’m willing to bet on it.”

                “And what are you willing to bet?” Tommy asked, “You know we share everything already so there isn’t much you can bet with.”

                “Oh, I have my ways,” Evan pulled the biscuits out of the oven. Perfectly brown. Nice and fluffy. Tommy had no idea how he managed to do that every single time without fail, “Maybe I’ll show you some of my ways later tonight.”

                “Learned some new tricks?” Tommy was very curious.

                “That’s for me to know and you to find out if you think you can handle it,” Evan started to split the biscuits and dishing up the fresh made breakfast.

                They went to the table and started to eat, “So what plans have you made for us this weekend?”

                Evan took a bite of his meal and before replying, “Well I wanted to go check out that Market down in Orange. Maybe take a walk around La Brea if we have time. Just nice little things to get us out.”

                “Well,” Tommy had an idea that he wanted to bring up with Evan, “We could always ask your sister if we can take Jee out for a day. You know I love having her around.”

                “I love having her around as well,” Evan said, “It would be up to Maddie and Chim, but I don’t think we would have trouble with it. We might also get roped into taking Philip with us as well. Make a family day of it. Maybe check out Disney. They might have some new things to check out.”

                “Evan,” Tommy got serious for a second, “We’ve been together for six years, married for three.”

                “Best six years of my life,” Evan leaned over to give Tommy a heartfelt kiss, “I wouldn’t change anything. I have you, we have Pickles, and we have my bitches.”

                Tommy groaned, “Yes well,” He continued, “I’ve been wondering. Instead of me going off and being a pilot again. We could visit Hen and Karen. They could get us in contact with an adoption agency,” Evans eyes lit up at the mention of it, “I know one thing you’ve always wanted is to be a father. And let’s face it, the chances of one of us getting pregnant is impossible.”

                “And yet we continue to try,” Evan smirked.

                “Yes, we do,” Tommy laughed, “But what if we adopted. Someone would need to stay home and since I’m retired now. Well, I could stay home. Become a stay-at-home dad.”

                Evan’s eyes were just two balls of light and happiness, “This is one of the most personal things you have ever asked of me. I know you didn’t have a wonderful time growing up, so you didn’t want to have that kind of life for a child. But I know you aren’t your father. You would give any child the greatest life.”

                Tommy smiled. He didn’t want to become his father. He would try to not become that person, but having Evan think this about him? That was worth more than anything, “WE would give any child the greatest life,” Tommy reached out and gave Evan’s a hand a nice tight squeeze, “We would do this together. Let’s get your niece and nephew and do some practice this weekend. And let’s see if we can ask Hen and Karen about adoption.”

                Evan just squeezed Tommy’s hand. The look of elation on Evan’s face made all the pain in the past, any kind of troubles they have had worth it. They would do this and they would make a family. Evan, Tommy, Pickles, Mitzi, Bitzi, and a child. A child that needed a family and they would make theirs with them. Tommy smiled so all the crinkles in his face showed up. This would be the perfect future for them.

***

Thanks for reading this. Let me know what you think. I love reading comments on what you thought so let me know. Constructive Criticism is also accepted.

Love, Steve

[nomie-11]

Chapter 2 - One Hundred and Eight Scars

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The flight field at Basgiath is still and dark, and appears deserted when they approach in the hour before sunrise, hugging the landscape of the mountains, the riot doing what they can to stay out of sight. 

“That does not mean that someone won’t spot us landing,” Tairn reminds her, his wings beating steadily despite having flown the last eighteen hours straight from Aretia. The window of time Xaden had given for them to get to the Vale without her being spotted is slim, and if they miss it, every hatchling will be put in danger. 

“I still don’t understand why the Empyrean would ever agree to let dragons bond human riders, knowing they’d have to guard their own kids not only against gryphon fliers but the very humans they’re supposed to trust.” 

“One, you’re projecting,” Tairn says, his voice a low grumble as he banks left to follow the geography. “And two, it’s a delicate balance. The First Six riders were desperate to save their people when they approached the dens over six hundred years ago. Those dragons formed the first Empyrean and bonded humans only to protect their hatching grounds from venin, who were the bigger threat. We don’t exactly have opposable thumbs for weaving wards or runes. Neither species has ever been entirely truthful, both using the other for their own reasons and nothing more.” 

“I never thought I needed to hide anything from you.” 

Tairn does that weird thing that makes his neck appear boneless, swinging his head around to level slightly narrowed eyes at her for a heartbeat before turning his attention back to the terrain. “You have nothing to hide from me, nothing you have ever done in your life has been morally wrong or irredeemable,” He says, his tone softer but weighted with something unspoken. “I can do nothing to remedy the last nine months besides answer your worthwhile questions now.” 

“I know,” She says quietly, wishing his words were enough to cut through the acrid taste of betrayal she can’t seem to wash out of her mouth. Or maybe that was the constant stomach acid from throwing up her guts four times in the last eighteen hour flight.But she knows that Tairn’s bond to Sgaeyl was stronger than her bond to him, so the blame is fully on Xaden. 

“We’re approaching. Get ready.” 

“Can I do a rolling dismount?” She asks, gripping the pommel of his back tighter as she leans down. Her body is already screaming after eighteen hours in the ‘saddle,’ and her awful, constant headache. But the summer wind feels nice, and she bets that sitting on the roof right now would be amazing. 

“A rolling dismount would tear you limb from limb on impact.” 

“No it would not!” She huffed, rolling her eyes, which seemed to be her new signature move. “You know rolling dismounts are a second-year maneuver, anyways.” 

“One that you will not be participating in.” Tairn grumbles. 

“Why all of a sudden are you treating me like I’m so weak?” She groaned, annoyance seeping into her words as they spilled out of her mouth. 

“Because you were poisoned by the most potent evil in our world and then decided by some miracle to live,” He dipped down, and she pressed into his back. “And no matter how good you feel right now, there is still poison in your system.” 

Well, the truth was, she did not feel good at all. And she was going to practice honesty. 

“I feel like shit.” 

“You don’t say.” Tairn’s dry tone thrummed through her, tinged with a rare warmth that almost made her laugh. “And that’s why recovery is non-negotiable.” 

“Recovery is overrated,” She muttered, stubbornly straightening up in her seat as they approached the final ridge before the flight field. Her bones ached in defiance, her head pounded, but she wasn’t about to let Tairn know she was hanging on by a thread. 

“Oh really?” Train snorted, sounding almost amused. “Then prove it.” 

With that, it felt as if something around her legs snapped open, and he tipped sideways in one fluid motion. She barely registered the movement before her stomach lurched, her grip slipping as her legs failed to keep her steady. She let out a shocked gasp as she tumbled off his side, the wind whipping around her in a dizzying rush as the ground loomed closer. 

In a flash, Tairn’s colossal head appeared below her, his massive eyes narrowed in exasperation as she snatched her mid-air, pinning her back onto his broad back with a firm push of magic. The landing jolted her, and she groaned, too winded to argue. 

“Still think recovery is overrated?” Tairn huffed, banking into a smooth glide again. 

She glared at him, but her limbs felt like jelly, making it impossible to keep her dignity intact. “You didn’t have to throw me off!!”

“It’s not my fault you cannot keep yourself seated,” He chuffed. “Do you really think you held on all the way from Aretia? I had to keep you anchored with my magic the entire flight.” 

Her mouth fell open. “You… you were holding me in place?”

Tairn snorted, his wings lifting them easily over the final ridge as Basgiath’s towers came into full view. “You were barely conscious for half of the journey. Don’t get cocky now.” 

Heat flushed her cheeks. She’d been so sure she’d managed it all on her own. Flying had been an escape, something she could control. But the truth, Tairn’s truth, was a harsh reminder that she was at the mercy of her own limitations. Fuck venin poison, honestly. 

Her stomach flips as he drops into the flight field. 

“I am dropping Andarna off in the flight field with Astrape and then return and circle nearby.” 

“You need rest.” 

“There will be no rest if they decide to execute the nine of you on the dais.” The worry in his voice clogs her throat. “Call out if you even suspect it will not go your way.” 

“It will,” She assures him. “Do me a favor and tell Sgaeyl that I need to talk to Xaden on the way.” 

“Please hold on tight when we land,” Tairn snorts. “I don’t want you to go tumbling off.” 

And that’s exactly what she did as Tairn splayed his wings to slow the descent, sending her tumbling down and over his shoulder to the ground. He laughs as she lands flat on her ass on the soft grass. 

“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbles. “Love you, too.” 

Tairn whips his head to the right, where Sgaeyl lands with brutal efficiency, her rider dismounting in a much more efficient and graceful manner. “The wingleader approaches.” 

Xaden gives Tairn a wide berth to launch as he walks towards Genevieve, with Sgaeyl taking off next, followed by the rest of the riot until it’s just them left. 

Lifting her goggles to the top of her head and unzipping her jacket, she groaned. July in Basgiath was muggy as hell, even when you aren’t locked away in a humid dungeon. 

“You actually told Tairn to tell Sgaeyl that you wanted to talk to me?” He put a hand on his hip. 

“We both suck at communication. Don’t act like you would be any better.”

“You remember that you can…” He taps the side of his head and walks backwards in front of her. She rolls her eyes and secures a dagger on her thigh instead of paying attention to the singular curl that rests on his forehead and how not even a week ago she wouldn’t have hesitated to brush it to the side. 

“Talking that way feels a little too…” Fuck, why is this so hard? Xaden is Xaden, not some stranger, so why does it feel as if the person standing in front of her is someone completely new and random. How has every inch of her trust been unwoven and destroyed and put her back on square one as the girl who believed no one. “Intimate.” 

“And we’re not intimate?” He lifts a brow. “Because I can think of more than one occasion that you’ve been wrapped—”

She jolts forward and covers his mouth with her hand “We’re not intimate anymore, Xaden.” But the feeling of her palm pressed against his skin is enough of a reminder that whatever they had—maybe they were dating, maybe they weren’t, she never really knew—was physically perfect. Better than perfect. Addictive and electric. Her entire body warms as he kisses the sensitive skin of her palm, and she immediately drops her hand. “We’re walking into what’s certainly going to be a trial, if not an execution, and you’ve got jokes.” 

“Trust me—not joking.” He turns as they reach the steps, and heads down first, glancing back over his shoulder at her. Everytime he says trust me, she wants to strangle him. “Surprised that you’re not icing me out, but definitely no jokes.” 

“I’m angry at you for keeping information from me. Pulling a Violet and ignoring you instead of confronting whatever happened doesn’t solve that.” 

“Good point. What did you want to talk about?” 

“I have a question I’ve been thinking about since Aretia.” 

“And you’re only now telling me?” He reaches the bottom of the steps and shoots an incredulous look at her. “Communication is not your strength, is it? Don’t worry. We’ll work on it along with your and Violet’s shielding.” 

“Are you being serious? Do you hear yourself?” That is so ironic coming from him.

Xaden pauses at the bottom of the steps, and the barest hint of a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Yes, actually. Dead serious. I just have a feeling that if I don’t push you a little, you’re going to retreat back into yourself until you snap and you’re never actually going to say what’s on your mind.” 

She scowls, trying to ignore the way his smile is both infuriating and—unfortunately—disarmingly familiar. “Fine. Since you're so eager for honesty… What are those one hundred and eight scars on your back for? And why didn’t you tell me about the venin the entirety of the past year? Or why did you hide the fact that a rebellion my sister raised from its ashes was actively occurring?”

Xaden’s smirk vanishes just as quickly as it appeared. He rubs the back of his neck, his gaze shifting away, a flicker of regret crossing his face. “Because I didn’t know how you’d react. And, yeah, maybe I was afraid you’d completely reject me the second you knew the truth. I didn’t want you to feel like you were being forced into a war you didn’t even know existed.” 

“You’re such a guy, you know that? It’s such a guy thing to ignore every question except for the last one.” She huffed. “I guess I have to ask one at a time. What are the one hundred and eight scars for?”

Xaden’s jaw tenses as he meets her gaze, and there’s a flicker of something raw in his eyes. He looks away, as if stealing himself, then back at her. “Those scars… Each one represents one of the kids of the rebellion. Each life I agreed to take responsibility for. One scar for each of us forced into the Quadrant—one hundred and eight lives that would’ve ended in execution if we weren’t allowed to fight for our freedom.” He forces her gaze to meet his once more, and her eyes feel as if they’re watching his soul. “It was one hundred and seven until I found out that there was a girl trapped in a cell underneath Basgiath being tortured for answers on my behalf. I just didn’t know that girl was you until you told me.” 

Genevieve stares at him, absorbing this revelation, and all her old assumptions feel flimsy, hollow. She wants to say something, but the words stick in her throat. He’s never shown her this part of himself, not fully, atleast. The realization crashes down on her that he’s the most selfless person she knows.

“So… when you found out about me, without ever even knowing me,” she says, barely able to keep the tremor from her voice, “you saved me?”

He nods, and for the first time, she feels as though she might suffocate from all the pressure from what he’s done for her. 

“And I called you a selfish bastard,” she swallows. “Twice.” 

“You did.” He nods. “And I was. I really was, Genevieve. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I didn’t realize how keeping you in the dark so I could live in a selfish fantasy where you loved me for who you thought you knew I was was really just hurting you. I was scared. The rebellion, the venin… it was all too much. I didn’t want to pull you into my mess, and I certainly didn’t want to see you hurt because of me.” 

Her chest tightened at the weight of his words. It was one thing to hear him speak of sacrifice, but this was not just sacrifice. She wanted to reach out, to reassure him, but the distance between them still felt like a gaping chasm waiting to swallow her whole. “You know you could’ve trusted me.” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “I would’ve done anything to help. I still want to help.” 

“And do you trust me? Now, after everything?” 

“Do you want the uncomplicated answer?” 

Xaden glanced up at the tall doors that lead to the tunnel into Basgiath before he looks back at Genevieve. “Given our limited time alone, that’s probably preferable.” 

“Then yes, with my life. After all, it’s your life, too.” She knows that the rest depends on how open he is from here on out, but now probably isn’t the time for a ‘are we dating or do I hate you’ talk. 

There’s a flash of disappointment in his eyes before he nods, and then looks back to the other seven, who are quickly catching up. “I’ll make sure Aetos keeps his hands to himself and off of you and Violet, but you might have to play it along.” 

“Give me a shot at handling it first, and then you can do whatever it is you think will work.” Violet says and Genevieve nods, before the bells of Basgiath ring, announcing the hour. They have fifteen minutes until formation will be called for graduation. 

Xaden’s shoulders straighten. “Everyone clear on what’s about to happen?” 

This isn’t the man who begged her forgiveness for keeping secrets, and it sure as hell isn’t the one who vowed to earn back her trust in Aretia. No, this is Xaden the wingleader who slaughtered every attacker in her bedroom without blinking and never lost a wink of sleep over it. 

“We’re ready,” Garrick says, rolling his neck like he needs to warm up before combat. 

“Ready.” Masen nods, adjusting the glasses on his nose. And one by one, everyone agrees to ride into hell once more. 

“Let’s do it.” Genevieve lifts her chin. 

Xaden stares at her long and hard, and then nods. 

Her stomach twists as they enter the tunnel, mage lights flickering on as they pass. The other door is already open when they make their way through and she doesn’t argue when Xaden plasters himself to her side. There’s every chance they’ll be arrested as soon as their feet touch the quadrant, or worse, killed, depending on what everyone else knows. 

Power simmers underneath Genevieve’s skin, thrumming to life but not quite surfacing, ready if she needs it, but no one appears as they cross into the rock-filled courtyard. They have minutes before the space fills with riders and cadre. 

The first riders they encounter walk out of the dormitory and into the courtyard with cocky swaggers and Second Wing patches on their uniforms. 

“Look who’s finally here? Bet you thought you had the games locked down, didn’t you, Fourth Wing?” a rider with dyed forest green hair says with a smirk. “But you didn’t! Second Wing took it all  when you didn’t show.” 

Genevieve rolls her eyes and Xaden doesn’t bother looking in their direction as they pass. Garrick lifts his middle finger from Genevieve’s left. 

“Guess this means no one knows what really happened,” Imogen whispers. 

“Then we have a shot of this working,” Eya replies, and the sunlight glints in the piercing in her eyebrows. 

“Of course no one fucking knows,” Xaden mutters. He looks up to the top of the academic building, and Genevieve’s eyes follow his line of sight, her heart jumping at the image of the fire blazing at the top of the farthest turret. No doubt waiting for offerings to Malek—belongings of the cadets who didn’t make it through War Games. Her belongings if this all fails. “They’re not going to out themselves over us.” 

At the entrance to the dorms, the group shares a look and then breaks apart wordlessly according to plan. Xaden trails behind Genevieve and Violet as they follow down the corridor and into the little hallway they’ve called home for the last nine months, but neither of them go into their own rooms. 

Violet glances left and right to be sure no one sees them, before she pushes open the door to Liam’s room. She slips in, triggering the mage light overhead. 

Genevieve can’t even bear to look in at the room, let alone enter. She knows Violet is barely holding back tears as she looks at the bed where she once slept securely in the arms of her lover not even a week ago. She knows Violet is taking in each and every one of those moments that she ripped away from her when she chose Violet over Liam. 

I will not cry today. 

But it’s a lot. Everything is exactly the same as it was when they left. Violet has the stack of letters in her arms and a few unfinished figurines tucked into her pockets as she emerges, and Genevieve knows that she will regret not going into the room one last time for the rest of her life, but she can’t. 

Her feet are glued to the floor until Violet opens her mouth. “I got them,” She whispers, her eyes red. 

“Let’s go.” Violet walks right in front of them, emerging from the darkness as Rhiannon walks out of her room with Ridoc in tow. 

Oh shit. 

“Vi!” Rhiannon’s mouth drips open and she lunges, grabbing onto Violet and pulling her into a hug. “You’re here!” She squeezes tight, and Violet relaxes into her arms. 

Genevieve feels alone for the half a second she watches before Ridoc crashes into her with his arms prepared to wrap tightly around her. 

Genevieve’s heart swells as she is enveloped in the warmth of Ridoc’s embrace. His familiar presence wraps around her like a cocoon, making her feel at home in the midst of the chaos. The weight of his relief and affection momentarily dulls the pang of loneliness gnawing at her. She sinks into the hug, breathing in the scents of sweat and leather, a comfort she never knew she craved until now. 

“Look who’s back from the dead,” Ridoc chuckles, his voice muffled against her shoulder. “You had us worried there for a bit, you know.” 

“I’m sorry,” her voice is slightly muted by his embrace, until he pushes her back, his eyes scanning her for injuries the same way Rhiannon scans Violet’s for injuries. 

“With what everyone was saying, I thought you were dead.” Her gaze flits to Genevieve. “I thought the three of you were.” 

“There was also the rumor that you got lost,” Ridoc adds. “But considering who you were with, we were all betting on the dead theory. I’m glad we were wrong.” 

“I promise I’ll explain later, but I need a favor now,” Violet whispers, her throat closing as her gaze drops. 

“Sorrengail,” Xaden’s tone drops. 

“We can trust her,” Genevieve snaps, promising as she looks back at him. “We can trust both of them.” 

Xaden looks anything but pleased, but he nods. Guess they really were home. 

“What do you need?” Rhiannon asks, concern furrowing her brow. 

Violet steps back, and then pushes the letters and figurines into her hands. “I need you to keep these for me. Hide them. Don’t let anyone… burn them.” her voice breaks. 

She glances down at the letters, and her eyes widen before her shoulders curve inward and her face crumples. 

“What are tho—” Ridoc starts, looking over Genevieve to the letters and then falling silent. “Shit.” 

“No,” Rhiannon whispers, and Genevieve knows this isn’t her denying the favor. “Not Liam. No. Genevieve didn’t—” She cuts herself off, her gaze momentarily falling onto Genevieve before she slowly meets Violet's eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

Violet’s eyes burn, but she manages to nod, clearing her throat. “Promise you won’t let them have these when they come for his things if I’m not–” She can’t finish. 

Rhiannon nods, before turning to Genevieve. “Are you alright? Your hair—” 

Genevieve shakes her head. She’s not lying. Not really, at least. The poison isn’t there anymore, just the after-effects that still plague her. “I’m fine, really.” 

“We have to go,” Xaden says. 

“I’ll see you guys at graduation,” Violet gives them a watery smile and takes a step back. The three of them walk again, turning the corner into the crowded main corridor of the first-year dorms. 

“How do you do it?” Genevieve whispers at Xaden as she watches Violet walk a step in front of them. 

“Do what?” his arms hand loose at his sides as he continuously scans the people around them, and he puts his hand on her lower back like he’s worried they might get separated. They’re in the thick of the rush, and for every person too busy to notice the three of them, there’s another who does a double take when they cross paths. And every marked one they see gives Xaden a subtle nod, and Genevieve knows they’ve been warned by the others. 

“Lie to the people you care about?” 

Their gazes collide and they pass one of the busts of the First Six, following the flow of the crowd past the wide spiral staircase that connects the higher years’ dorms. 

Xaden’s jaw clenches. “Gen–”

She lifts her hand to cut him off. “It’s not an insult. I need to know how to do it. I don’t lie to people I care about.” 

They break away from the crush of cadets headed out the door to the courtyard, and Xaden strides purposefully for the rotunda, yanking the door open and ushering the two girls through. He places a hand on Genevieve once more, but she shifts away from him. 

“Stay here,” he mutters to Violet, who just nods with her arms crossed. 

He grabs Genevieve and tugs her behind the first pillar they come across. The red dragon hides them from anyone who may pass through the space that connects all wings of the quadrant. Sure enough, voices and footsteps pass, but no one sees them behind the massive pillar, and no one sees Violet in the shadows covering her. 

“For the record, I also don’t lie to the people I care about,” Xaden lowers his voice as he faces her, the intensity in his eyes pinning her back to the marble pillar. He leans in, and he’s all she can see. “And I sure as hell have never lied to you. But the art of telling selective truths is something you’re going to have to master or we’ll all be dead. I know you trust Rhiannon and Ridoc, but you can’t tell them the truth, as much for their sakes as for ours. Knowing puts them into danger. You have to keep the truth compartmentalized. If you can’t lie to your friends, you keep your distance. Understand?” 

She tenses. Of course she knows that, but hearing it said so blatantly drives the knife deeper into her chest. “Does Violet know all of this too?” 

“Liam had her master this art last year when he spilled everything to her by accident.” 

“I understand,” she says after a sharp exhale. 

“I never wanted to put you into this position. Not with your friends and especially not with the General. That was one of the many reasons I never told you.” 

“How long did you know about my mother?” It’s definitely not the right time to ask this, but Geneveive will not die without answers. She needs to know. 

He exhales slowly. “I knew about it the minute she ran away from you.” 

Her lips part, and something heavy shifts, easing a weight that settled in her chest that’s been there since Resson. But another weight slams into Genevieve’s chest. Xaden’s known her mother longer than he’s known her. 

“What?” 

“You didn’t dodge the question.” She has to admit it, she’s a little surprised. 

“I promised you some answers,” He leans forward. “But I can’t promise you’ll always like what you hear.” 

“You owe me all the answers, if you ever want me back,” she huffs. “And I’ll always prefer the truth.” 

“You say that now,” A wry smile twists his lips. 

Her eyes narrow. “I always will.” The sound of boots shuffling behind them as students report to formation reminds her that they’re not entirely alone, but she needs Xaden to hear her. “If the last few weeks have shown you anything, it should be that I run from nothing, no matter how hard it is or what it costs.” 

“Yeah, well, it cost me you.” Her whole body tenses and his eyes slam shut. “Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.” He opens his eyes again, shaking his head, and the abject misery makes her head pound. “I know it was the not telling you. I get it. But when the lives of everyone around you—when your life—depends on how well you can lie, it’s not easy to realize it’s the truth that will save you.” A sigh moves his shoulders. “If I could do it all again, I’d tell you. I’d do it differently, I promise, but I can’t, so here we are.” 

“So here we are.” But where even is here? This isn’t home anymore. “But as long as you meant what you said about telling me everything—”

He flinches, and her head throbs again. 

“Oh hell no, Xaden, I swear on the gods, look me in the eye and tell me that you are going to tell me everything once I can properly shield.” Genevieve wants to kill him. She wants nothing more than to strangle him. “That’s what you promised in your bedroom, anything you want to know and everything you don’t. Those were your words. And I’m not joking when I say I will kill you if you can’t swear that that is what I will get.” 

“Everything about me.” 

She shakes her head. “I will not be playing these stupid games with two people.” 

He takes a step toward her, but she lifts her chin and her eyes narrow, daring him to touch her right now. And he’s a smart man for keeping his feet planted on the ground. 

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Look, I will answer any question you want to ask about me. Gods, I want you to ask, to know me well enough to trust me even when I can’t tell you everything.” He nods like those words had been included in the original promise when they both know damn well they weren’t. “Because you didn’t fall for an ordinary rider. You fell for the leader of a revolution, and to some degree, I’m always going to have secrets.” 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” 

For her entire life she was kept in the dark by people who thought that was best to her. Her father hid her away from the revolution and then he died, leaving her to scramble in his ashes. Her sister left and re-started her father’s rebellion and never uttered a single word in any of the letters she wrote, and Genevieve knows logically that those letters were being stopped and read, but the pain of being kept blind by those she trusts still stings. Her mother left, and didn’t look back for five years. She will not be hidden any longer. 

“I’m not kidding.” There’s zero apology in his tone. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t let you in like I promised. I’m an open book when it comes to—”

“If you’re still just going to lie to me I’d prefer you to just shut your mouth. You’ll be an open book when it comes to whatever you want.” She shakes her head. “And that’s not going to work for me. Not this time and not ever. I can’t trust you without full disclosure.”

He blinks, and for a moment she knows she’s managed to stun him. 

“I need all the details. Everything.” She demands, staring straight down into his eyes. “I reluctantly forgave you for keeping me in the dark before today. You did it to protect my own life, whether or not that being what I wanted regardless. But it’s complete and total honesty from this minute onwards, or…”

Fuck, am I really going to say this?

“Or what?” His eyes sharpen. 

“Or I’ll go back to what I was before I trusted any of you,” She took a deep breath. “A weapon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone! Fun little chapter, right? Something weird is going on with Genevieve… I wonder if anyone has picked up on it? And— if you have, what’s your theory? I would love to know what you are thinking! Also, I posted on Thursday a Liam Mairi x Reader, so if you haven’t gone to my Tumblr to read that yet, please go and let me know what you thought.

More about me as the creator of Genevieve, I actually struggle with chronic headaches and nausea (a beautiful long-lasting side effect from a medication i was put on four years ago), so writing Gen to struggle with these issues now is really interesting, because I’m just putting my own experience onto paper. I also recently passed out from blood loss (don’t donate blood if you’re anemic and also prone to throw up over anything), so I’m excited to now have some experience with that for future reference!

As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, or kudo! That’s it for now! See you all Wednesday.

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Taglist: @awkardnerd , @hannraumari , @minjix , @glaciuswduo , @wolfbc97 , @heeseungthel0ml

[trashisstillhere]

Now while I currently do really need and want to work on the things I want to draw, I’ll just give yall the currently uncolored, official ref of the New Ninja!

I mostly did this cuz I thought it was about time they got an actual ref. I mean, I have drawn them many times before yet never made an actual drawing of their full body. So I did it now! And since they’re officially one of my Rc9gn ocs, I kept the ‘UnNinja’ version of them that I drew for ask (it was about what NN looks like without the ninja suit on) long ago which was at first ‘unofficial’ since I basically said you could imagine them in any way all of you wanted but now, that’s how they’ll REALLY look like!

They don’t have any official colors yet, that is one of the parts that will take quite awhile..

Like I did with Serenity, here’s some info about them! (Mostly for the ones who may not be aware of New Ninja and all the posts I did about them before along with a few more stuff I haven’t really either told or shown before about them before I had completely stopped drawing them I guess(??).)

-New Ninja is…well a new ninja chosen to be Norrisville’s new protector in the future right after Randy, their story is supposed to take place (kinda) in a few years after all the events in season 1 and 2 in the show. (All the canon characters are like kinda older at this time, the other teens like 17-18 I think? Idk, I haven’t fully decided yet but basically they’re supposed to not quite be in 9th grade anymore I guess (except New Ninja of course). Randy is actually still a ninja here, still has his mask and everything even though he soon isn’t gonna quite be the main one anymore. However the Nomicon let him keep his mask for now, especially now that he’s currently helping the new Ninja. Plus he absolutely refuses to let Nomicon stop him from doing so, he refuses to just sit back and watch another random kid struggle out there as the new ninja.

-New Ninja’s real name is ?????????… yeah…. They don’t have a official name yet either, no last name, nothing. that part will also take too damn long to figure out and work on so for now, just call them ‘New Ninja’ or NN for short.

-they go by any pronouns! And by any I mean ANY. I know I wrote they/them there on the ref and I mostly use those for them right now too but still, I said before they can still be called by anything and I ain’t changing it. So go ahead, use any other pronouns for this kid if ya like. But I will still keep using they/them for them. (I totally didn’t just make them gender natural who is okay with any other pronouns cuz i had no clue what gender or whatever to make them identify as. Pfft- totally not-)

-as the new Ninja for Norrisville, you’d probably expect them to either be excited to be the new hero and/or take it seriously like a pro….but they’re not, they’re the complete opposite. Instead of them being giddy about this like Randy pretty much was, they’re scared for their life. This new job of theirs has not only already changed their whole life but put so much pressure on the poor kid, they already had struggles in their normal life and now they have gotten even MORE.

-New Ninja isn’t really confident, brave, social, just nothing like the out going kids out there. They’re insecure, a coward and pretty anti social. They get stressed and overwhelmed easily when they’re the center of attention, they often have bad thoughts when they think they’re not doing good enough and worry too much about not being ‘perfect’ enough. This is exactly how they were at first, before and after becoming the next chosen one. But now with Randy being there for them as support, they’re slowly starting to work on themselves to overcome their fears. Will it easily get rid of all of their problems? No. But will it help a lot? Yes!

-Randy calls New Ninja ‘Kid’ quite a lot, it was mostly just a little nickname for them at first during his time trying to help them that just came out but now he can’t help but keep calling them that every time they are together, even acting like a brother/father figure to them! New Ninja is an only child so they never knew how it felt to have any siblings of any kind. (Found family trope my beloved)

-New Ninja gets easily flustered by all sorts of praise such as compliments, affections, etc. they aren’t really used to have so much love and support from other people, not even used to have many fans yet (even though they know that the ninja always had fans for years to begin with-). Now with Randy pretty much doing this, the kid feels like some random kid being embarrassed by their parent or something.

-New Ninja hasn’t ever really gotten to have any sort of fun times and memories during their life, they don’t even know how to play video games at Greg’s Gamehole! Poor kid. But thankfully with Randy’s and Howard’s (yes, even him,) help, they’re learning.

-and uh yeah, they do know Howard too. At first they didn’t, to them he was this random guy that Randy seemed to talk a lot to so much and couldn’t help but be curious by their relationship. After some little investigation and all that crap, they’re more aware of the chubby guy now. How? That’s another part I still haven’t worked on yet.

-because of Randy pretty much being their mentor, New Ninja can’t help but mostly cling onto them. They often feel helpless without him, always asking him for help. They do learn to not always ask him for help later on during their development, yet there are times where the kid still can’t help but feel safer around him. Not just because he is the one who gives him tons of help with ninja stuff, but also cuz they really trust him and may or may not start to feel attached to him.

And that’s pretty much all I’m gonna say for now! Because if I wrote even more, it would take WAY too damn long and this would never get to be posted here. So yeah. Sorry if there will end up being some misspelled words or grammar mistakes, I’m too lazy to read all this again to check for them.

Will a colored version of this ref be done soon? Who tf knows!

[karanseraph]

Today's Double feature is Age of Extinction (2014) and Transformers One (2024).

General notes: these movies are made 10 years apart. Interesting. That means that like Transformers One came out in the 40th Anniversary year of the brand that Age of Extinction must have been around the 30th Anniversary, when there was that whole Thrilling 30 thing.

Transformers is animated adventure type genre movie while Age of Extinction is a live-action (with animated robots) movie in a sort of action blockbuster genre.

I didn't see many parallels between the two movies, not in the way I did with the other double features, where there's some clear parallel or an example of reversal from one movie to how the same element was treated in the other movie.

I've been trying to think how to word or to technically describe the difference in the whole feel and structure of these movies. It's kinda like if we imagine them as novels, then Age of Extinction was written in an omniscient POV which can show us directly things that happen millions of years ago or can show us different events from around the world that are happening at the same time. The audience doesn't experience the actions of Cemetery Wind team through the Autobots or Yaeger family, but the audience sees the actions of Attinger and his Rogue CIA group even before the Autobots learn the details. Which, I think lessens the impact when the protagonists do learn what is happening, because the audience already knows. We already know Ratchet got killed when Optimus finds out about it, for example.

In Transformers One the POV is somewhat more limited. The flashbacks and lore-drops have a diegetic presentation as Alpha Trion's recordings and presentations show the audience these past events as the characters are also learning of them. I feel this has more impact.

IIRC there are a very few instances in which the audience sees events in Transformers One other than when Orion or D-16 are present. I think there are a few scenes in which Sentinel reacts to the race or speaks with Airachnid that arguably is not in the usual limited POV following Orion and D. But most of the movie does follow them. There's even a fade-to-black when they are knocked out and taken by the High Guard. We don't witness how they are transported and find ourselves the audience there looking at Starscream on his throne. We also, don't see what happens with Elita between the time she's fired by Darkwing and when she enters the train where Orion, D, and B are hiding. But, we do later see her encounter with Airachnid when Orion is not present but only in contact over comms. It's not strictly one or two perspectives, but it is limited and expands only as needed to show a significant event.

Age of Extinction (and most of the Transformers live-action movies) jump around showing us what people all over the planet are doing. It's like the movie equivalent of reading a Dan Brown novel.

Whereas Transformers One, we could imagine, is more like reading a YA Science-Fiction/Fantasy novel that closely follows a few characters.

I think in terms of the ranking of the movies, Age of Exitinction is maybe very slightly above Dark of the Moon for me. Both movies still probably have way more human characters than they need and have some genre and tonal differences. And Age of Extinction has the time-skip/new team hurdle to get over. And Age of Extinction also has the weird episodic muti-ending feeling. *BUT* Age of Extinction has scenes of robots talking to each other and not just being props in the background. Bee doesn't talk/radio as much in this movie, I felt, but when we get Hound, Drift, and Crosshairs interacting with each other as well as Bee and Prime it's something that was missing from the previous movies. Like, some of the characters like Jolt, Dino/Mirage, Sideswipe had some actions or one-liners, but they didn't really have much interaction or personality. The bots in Age of Extinction have enough personality to have rivalries and disagreements but work through that to still save the world. Road Warrior Megatron + Sentinel Prime were much better than Galvatron. He was a lame villain. And those KSI bots were so generic (but intentionally because mass-produced knock-offs in universe) the way so many generic Decepticons showed up in scenes of Revenge of the Fallen or Dark of the Moon. But, Age of Extinction also has Lockdown and he felt like a villain with swagger.

So, this thing that Age of Extinction actually did better than the previous movies was then 10 years later done *even better* by Transformers One, in which they just made all the characters the bots, whether the main protagonists, antagonists, minor supporting characters, or background extras.

Since I found out that Transformers One is on Paramount+ in my region, and since I still have access to this service, I've been watching it every day and then watching some other Transformers content I have access to. Back-to-back like.

It's only been a few days.

The first day I watched Transformers One and then about 6-ish episodes of EarthSpark 'Season 3 '. Transformers One IMO, is the superior work. I don't hate EarthSpark (the obvious shift between seasons 1 and 2 does frustrate me). It generally does a lot of things I like. One of them is that it has an interesting animation style in which the 'Transformers Bots' come out looking very toy-like and the special effects 2D in style and it makes me feel like the whole thing is someone playing with toys, but in a good way (except one of the kids I'm playing with wants to go in a direction I don't like). Anyway, Transformers One is just a more epic thing all around. It's from the same era but made with different style and design. Less like toys (weirdly, considering Director, eh?) and more like an animated Science Fiction/Adventure in general. Also, arguably deeper resonance in the characters and their arcs.

The next day I watched Transformers One and then Rise of the Beasts, which only came out a little more than a year before. So, similar era of media, again. Animation vs 'live action' (but we know those bots are all animated just in a 'realism' style). The characters look pretty good to me in both. And the plots and characters and their arcs are different, but both are interesting and have resonance. I mean it's like the 'brothers' that turn into enemies with one, but then in the other it's largely about these two (three but Primal is so ahead of the others) guys from different planets trying to do their best for their own families and coming together to fight a destructive force. So, both movie are pretty epic. I kinda want others to watch these back-to-back to see what they feel, because one movie is like the one splitting apart and the other is about separate people joining as one.

Now, today I'm watching The Transformers: The Movie (I believe I own this one) and Transformers One back-to-back double feature. I'm still in the midst of this. But I think TF:tM holds up. It's 80s as Hell, right? 1986 up against 2024. But if I think about it in terms of "was this good or typical of its time" then both movies looked good in their era. Both animated, though different in technique and style. Both make use of Quintessons while the main foe is someone else. Both pretty epic plots. Both have that sort of cultural resonance where Transformers One does have those sort of Prince of Egypt vibes (I see what you did TFWiki) or like shades of Set and Osiris or vaguely The Lion King where there's a pair of close characters who split apart dramatically with betrayal. And Transformers: the Movie is very Hero's Journey itself borrowing heavily from Star Wars. Both these movies made use of some amount of celebrity casting and it worked. Transformers One several more girl or woman type characters than Transformers: The Movie, but that's also likely reflective of the eras in which they were made. Transformers One still mainly has the one main pink heroic girl and dark bad girl characters which is a thing with this whole genre of the action toyline adaptation, but yes, many other different types of bots in the background.

I think maybe Bumblebee tomorrow?