#well here's a thousand words on this
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king i wanna hack you so bad but id only read all your drafts and politely log out again
this has been killing me JKDHJFKSD
#return to sender#my drafts r insane rip#i used to be like omg. how could a writer abandon thousands of words. back when i used to write a lil less#and well . here i am
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My other housemate has only watched a few episodes from the ST marathon and none of the movies (and has kind of magically escaped a lot of pop culture awareness), but that was enough for her (someone with her own deep investment in very different fandoms) to be O_O at the Kirk and Spock interactions.
We were talking about how shitty the parent corporations etc were towards many slash shippers of the 70s and 80s, and she was like, "I don't really get why anyone would be mad about people seeing their particular relationship as romantic, it's just... this isn't coming out of nowhere. There's a lot of intensity and they obviously care deeply."
me: Yeah, the series finale includes Kirk saying that Spock is closer to him than anyone else in the universe.
Ash: Wait, really? Like, literally?
me: Yes. That's just about the exact wording, actually.
Ash: Damn.
#anghraine babbles#deep blogging#rl: ash#otp: the premise#star peace#also hilariously we were talking about potential star trek cosplay because j is SUCH a trekkie and i catapulted into joining him#ash loves authoritative miniskirts so we proposed the romulan commander for her#and j was like 'i mean. i'm an emotive blond haired square built jew. there is an obvious choice here'#and ash brightened and went 'elizabeth i honestly think the best choice for you would just be female spock'#me [trying to avoid revealing that i've written over six thousand words of spirk femslash in the last week]: ah. that's very flattering#ash: i wonder how a female spock would even be addressed... like. miss? it seems weird.#me: >_>#me: <_<#me: ah well. i. uh. noticed that female crewmembers are much more often addressed by rank than a gendered title at all. so commander.#the conversational equivalent of hiding my stories under my bed lmao
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So, I saw some of you talking about how Blaseball is now impossible to get into because the game/experience/cultural event is gone.
May I introduce: the Spies Debriefings
(specifically, the Spies Debriefings starting from February 2021, when I started running things)
(or you can check out the Greatest Hits if you don't want to backread a whole entire blog)
The Debriefings are/were a daily liveblog of Blaseball. Under the pen name Agent O, I was their head writer and editor starting at Season 12/February 2021. Originally starting in season 6 it was a simple daily recap - but from the end of the Grand Siesta onwards I helped document not just the game events, but also the way the fandom was responding to it. I have been told this is basically a Let's Play: Blaseball, and I even mostly agree.
It doesn't replace the live experience, obviously. It is written from the perspective of one team. And in hindsight, there were some significant inaccuracies. But it was written as a way to make sure that people could follow the game without having to be glued to Discord 24/7, and in so doing, it also became a record of the fandom experience in a way nothing else will ever be.
#blaseball#houston spies#blaseball spies#my writing#I only JUST realized I never posted this to my Tumblr#it's like tens of thousands of words of my writing and I didn’t even bother to put it here#well at least it's here now
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I feel like Donnie would be mush for his teeny, itty bitty little baby girl.
someone has been peeking in my google drive again i see....
yeah i think he (rise donnie specifically since that's the papatello i'm working on) would be one of those dads who has a big talk about how he's so strict, about the intense regiment he has his kid on to maximize their development, and he's always the most annoying piece of shit at the PTA meeting. flex brag flex brag
but then his little toddler comes up to him on wobbly legs and puts her hands on his calf, tapping at him for his attention and looks up at him with paint all over her face from where she got into the art supplies at the back of the classroom and made a huge ass mess, and he just melts at her crooked little grin (bc dad is the favorite) and is completely incapable of chastising her in any shape or form
that changes when she grows up and starts to act so much like him that he HAS to be firmer with her. the first time he has to put her in time out they both ugly cry a lot
#ask tag#oh god. don't get me started on papatello anon-chan i am on a fuckin RAZOR THIN MARGIN HERE#'don. hon. listen. i love you so much.'#'...and yet i sense a *but* coming'#'...but you have GOT to stop hitting reply all and telling the entire school our daughter is the light of your life and the best child.#i got THREE phone calls from the principal at work this morning. also why isn't YOUR number the one on the file???'#'scoff. i shall stop doing it when it stops being true. also im doing important work that can't be interrupted.'#'but you can interrupt it long enough to draft a fucking five thousand word essay on why our child is the best of all time??!?'#'hm. you're right. it should probably be at least ten thousand. i need the space to discuss her academic achievements as well. good point.'#'SHE IS FOUR.'#papatello
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i just think you deserve eternal happiness actually. funny and actually nice. u are jesus. anyway No pls i AM AFRAID u are simply too cool and i cant deal
#“cant deal” im a millennial at heart x#ok no i love u though#asks#mewtuals#blah blah!#ok im talking here u asked for this basically im going insane theyre so fucking stupid like i know im the one who made them but they keep#NOT SPEAKING anf its so annoying like can you stop being teenage boys and start knowing how to fucking SPEAK#also i am NOT being a creep i dont focus on it its literally not mentioned but theyre in college okay.#well one of them is#no wait both of them are Sorry i tell a lie#anyway its pissing me off like dude can u grow UP and be COOl omg its makign me mad like i could literally just make them know but also im#obsessed with making it “realistic” (its literally rpf girl) and like i dont wanna go to the opposite end of the spectrunm and make them ha#all that therapy speak like omgmfgnfkjnhkj its making me mad.#and like ?? i wasnt coming out in 2007 omh wait no wrong time i cant do times I WASNT COMING OUT IN THE 2000S IS THE POINT#SO HOW AM I MEANT TO KNOW JOW THST WOULD GO OMFG#imgonna bite someone im so mad#like i just checked it's 25593 words.#TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY THREE WORDS. THAT IS RIDICULOUS#FUCKING NOTHING HAPPENS IM HONNA THROW UP#but also im obsessed w word count so im hesitant to dlete ...#no ok all scenes are important i think but uuugggggghhhh LIKE OMDGFNJGNFJNH#anyway im so mad like can u just stop being stupid dude im gonna beat myself up#no because like why did i start this. what relevance does this have to anything.#it is. to be fair to myself. i think the best thing ive ever written though#so#everything is FINE and i am a okay
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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diluc & Klee (Genshin Impact) Characters: Diluc (Genshin Impact), Klee (Genshin Impact) Additional Tags: Platonic Relationships, Angel's Share (Genshin Impact), Fluff, mocktails, no alcohol is actually consumed, but I mean. taverns. so, wherein klee demands lessons in mixology, and diluc relents for fear of his very flammable stock, author has no bartending experience, author does not drink alcohol, i am my own beta, I beta therefore I am, this was supposed to be a oneshot, Alcohol, well. lots of mentions of alcohol at least Summary:
“You’re not supposed to be in here,” Diluc says, leaning on the counter, rag clenched under his hand. Klee scrabbles up onto a bar stool, blithely ignoring him.
“I wanna know how to make potions,” she declares, smiling brightly.
Diluc blinks at her, baffled.
“I’m not a potion maker,” he says flatly, picking up the rag and putting it aside. “And why are you here? It’s past your bedtime.”
Klee’s cheeks puff out, and she points to the shelves behind him. “Yes you are!” she insists. “With that stuff. You mix it up and make grown-up potions.”
“Cocktails,” he corrects, on reflex. “Not potions.”
“Cocktails,” Klee repeats, nodding. “Yeah, those.”
#eggenshin#genshin impact fanfic#eggin's writings#genshin impact#diluc ragnvindr#klee genshin impact#alcohol mention#no actual alcohol consumed or involved though#fluff#featuring my bestie's *checks notes* beautiful little german boy#I feel like half the reason this got so long is because something something labor of love and my bestie loves this sopping wet redhead#I do to for that matter#stars I want to smack him sometimes but for now *tosses aside a large rock*#I'll be merciful he can have one (1) fluff fic before I write him in pain#so yes to my best friend: you've infected me here's several thousand words featuring your favorite beautiful little german boy#also fun fact there's a cocktail named the suffering bastard#couldn't work it into the fic because it's inappropriate for klee#but do know that at a later date klee finds out that it exists and is like#hey why didn't you teach me how to make this one#and diluc is like 'I mean you had me so like you already had one'#kaeya sitting at the bar like 'klee sweetie you have both of us how many suffering bastards do you need'#and frankly fair point#even though he (diluc) does not suffer in this fic#well. beyond standard struggling to interact with children#and having a pyromaniac unintentionally threaten his alcohol stock and bar#but other than that yyeah#there is like no angst in this fic it's weird#I wrote a fluff fic that's longer than like 2500 words?? ME?????? WRITING FLUFF??????????#absolutely bonkers I know#anyway I hope you enjoy!
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[two for smalling] [trying to remind myself i know who this guy is bc i only associate him w screamer now. um. for reasons] omg his gogo boots. hell yeah. wanna intentionally retroify this guys design to show that hes lost a couple millennia* of contemporary culture from being caveman frozen
#*learning a new word for 'million' counterpart to millennia's 'thousand' but well mega-annum just feels charged to use here. lol.#lunchtime robots
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3,4,15 for any member of team snakemouth!
...how about all three?
(for this ask game)
3. Obscure headcanon
For Kabbu, though we may have noted this before, we think that the North is quite firmly considered a patch of Deadland - and its inhabitants, as a result, tend to be very, very strange from the perspective of the rest of the world. For Kabbu, specifically, this means a variety of things, both biologically and culturally - though Northern beetles are a lot more common in Bugaria, deadlands in general come with a very high rate of mutation and a very high rate of death, and that means a high rate of superstition both in things that actively impact survival and in things that do not - as well as the simple fact that a constantly-changing set of genetics means that what a northern beetle is like is often very, very open to change.
Kabbu is an example of a burrower - a subspecies of sorts primarily identified by claws designed, very specifically, for digging. His claws grow into a sort of broad shovel shape and tend to be much sturdier than an equivalent beetle's - getting underground in moments in soft ground isn't really an exaggeration! Though he can dig through harder ground, it takes time and effort, and he can't go at it with the sheer speed of softer soil - technically, he could burrow through solid rock given enough time, but it would be both hard and extremely painful. It's a trait that's heavily prized in the North for its ability to create shelter and safety - beetles dominate the North's underground, and there's nothing that can really pose a threat to them. Tunnels are safety, and it really surprises and disorients him when things underground attack him, because back home that just kind of doesn't happen unless it's Another Beetle specifically targeting you.
In terms of more social things, he has a lot of trouble getting used to the concept of mimics. This is mostly due to the fact that mimics as a whole don't really... exist in the north, at least not in the means of gaining benefit from mimicking anything else. If you can talk to them as any other awakened bug, they're usually exactly what they say they are, and species mimicking normal geological features and plants haven't found any success, unless you're willing to get extremely generous with describing the snow-bank camouflage of a Northern Silk Moth's topcoat.
Though sand wasps or "white bees" still exist, the thing they're mimicking no longer exists in the same area. Any Hive that once was in the North is long dead, overly-large groups of bugs tend to die out quickly thanks to the handful of large predators that may decide the benefits outweigh the consequences when enough tasty beetles gather in the same place, and when the enemy you're dealing with is both too heavily armoured to be really deterred by most weaponry and capable and intelligent enough to stalk your group through the snow until the cost outweighs the benefit of eating you... well, the sort of small groups generally sent to start a new colony of social bugs really don't stand a chance.
It is, occasionally, very hard to get used to the fact that southern silk moths only grow a few heads taller than him. He's used to them presenting a lot more of a threat.
For Leif... we think he's completely, 100% blind. His eyes are frozen over due to quirk of his biology - the thing about his integration that makes him a failure, specifically. With any of the Snakemouth cordyceps, they do not naturally transfer the immunity to their own magic that any other variety of mage would have, and so need to alter their hosts in order to get the appropriate biology across. With Leif, that protection is not sufficient to protect the host, much less to preserve valuable organs - eyes, especially, are fragile, after all. The cold he naturally generates exceeds the host adaptations he provides, resulting in, even beyond the blindness, unusually brittle chitin, extremely stiff and easy-to-damage tissue, organic food processing efficiency appropriate for a bug currently freezing to death...
Well, you get the idea. Functionally, if alive, a host body would be in a state of perpetual hypothermia, prone to breaking down over time and needing persistent repair that his strain of cordyceps cannot provide, as any repair he could offer that's not within his host's natural healing capabilities requires manually breaking down and reconstructing any parts, which... is inconvenient at best. As he is, he gets around most of these issues by simply replacing his host body's soft tissue with cordyceps, but that has its own issues, mainly in making him look and move incredibly uncanny. Injuries take a very long time to repair, relatively, though the less tissue damage is done the easier it is to fix - being cleanly sliced in two, for example, might be easier to handle than any sort of crushing damage. As far as his eyes go... eyes of any sort are delicate, and the slightest damage can permanently blind someone. Any of Snakemouth Den's cordyceps tend to go blind anyways as the fungus burrows into ocular nerves - if anything, this is better for hiding, since the frost over his eyeballs conceals any mycelium in the eyes themselves. In theory, it can be repaired... in practice, it would be far too much of a pain for work that will be undone the moment he overtaxes his ice magic again.
...also, he doesn't really care. Sight is not the most important sense a moth has and his scent and ability to sense pheromones is fine, along with a general sensitivity to things like vibrations in the air. More than fine, even, since he's now kind of hybridized with both Ant and Bee and the number of pheromones he's sensitive enough to sense has shot through the roof. This on top of the "magic sense" he has means he has absolutely no trouble getting around, though reading books requires more or less sticking an antenna or fungal tendril over them and parsing out where the ink is by scent and texture. He full-on didn't notice he was blind until after the cordyceps reveal.
For Vi, while this might be one we've mentioned before, we headcanon that she's got a bit of minor mutation throwing her antenna... maybe 2% more towards a non-social relative, which gears her just slightly more towards being able to detect "foreign" scents - predators, prey, and any pollen or nectar in the area. Unfortunately, this slight shift in what scents she's made to pick up comes with a reduced sensitivity to pheromones and pheromone communication within the hive, along with loss of the general innate understanding that an average bee would have of how she's meant to "fit in" to a structure that utterly cripples her communication and social life in the hive.
It's minor enough of a mutation that she's never been flagged - she's a mutation of a social bee, not a normal variant of a solitary - but she smells weird, and she doesn't pick up on pheromones quite enough, and the variation in signals she puts off means that she both fails the communication to get across what she might need and fumbles the communication conveyed back to her about what she should do. Subtle things build up over time, and within the Hive, the negatives far outweigh the benefits - the Hive is only built with bees that fit to a standard in mind, and even minor deviations can get you dragged far, far behind.
This is getting very long so, uhh. Here's a cut. Everything else is below it. We enjoy getting very long-winded. There's a lot in here.
15. Worst thing they’ve ever done
Well, this one will depend on if it's "in general" or "by their standards". Putting any sort of objective moral judgement on just about anything is ridiculously difficult, especially with how values vary by culture or individual.
There is no such thing as objective worst, and we absolutely don't guarantee these would line up with your idea of worse, and so we'll offer two options here - what we believe they would think of first if posed with the question, and an alternative answer that would likely crop up.
For Kabbu, his own response would be easy - abandoning his teammates to The Beast. It haunts him to this day - really, what sort of beetle abandons their swarm to a fate like that? If he was a little faster, a little braver, a little less of a coward - but no. He abandoned those he was meant to care most for, and they died because of it.
For the other...
There are some things that are necessary, to survive somewhere as harsh as the Deadlands. Not everyone can be saved. Not everything can be helped. Not everyone can be taken in. Tradition and law is the heart and soul of the North - rules that everyone must comply to, if not for the sake of themselves, than for the sake of those they may interact with. To break a law, for any reason, is to be shunned by the community, most likely to your eventual death.
She broke a law. It could have been for understandable reasons, or not - it doesn't matter. She put the community at risk, and for that, she couldn't stay. She was put out in the cold, despite her pleading to the contrary. She was allowed to beg and plead and bang on the door, and yet, it meant nothing. The beast she would have lead to them caught up, eventually. He would still believe it was justified.
For Leif, his first response would be... exactly what you expect of him, really. The body he took without a care. The life he stole. He might vary on whether it's the action of stealing it or the lies he's told with that body, but the answer would be the same.
For the one he wouldn't think of... He could have spoken up. He didn't. He met their eye, slated for execution on crimes that he could parlay them on if he implicated himself, and he said nothing.
The look on their face still haunts him sometimes. It hurts more now that he's two, rather than one. It's what was needed to protect his family.
For Vi... a fault in a machine. The instructions were boring, and confusing, and hard to read. She tried to do whatever she thought might work, instead of following the manual. There was an injury. Then another one. It was her fault, really, for rigging it wrong, but she was tired and angry and she argued instead of just sucking it up and fixing it when confronted on it, and it went unfixed for days more. A minor fault can very well lead to deaths, and though this one didn't, it came close - one more inch, a slightly looser bolt, and it would have cracked a bug's shell clean open. It's a miracle it turned out as well as it did. It's a miracle that no one connected it to her enough, even when it was fixed. Someone else was punished, and she was old enough to know not to step forward - she's not stupid, after all.
The guilt still haunts her. The "what-if". The possibility of it. If someone died of her own stupid negligence, if she made someone else take the fall - she would let them, really, her sense of self-preservation isn't that bad, but she's not sure she could live with it after.
With the one she wouldn't think of personally... considering the background she's got, the journey to the Ant Kingdom, and the fact that it's already stated she took jobs before canon? We think there's a fairly good chance that Vi's off jobs got... shady. It's not like she has much in the way of morals when it comes to money, and "will do just about anything for enough cash" is a decent market. If you're willing to forsake your morals, you can get more money than your heart desires - at the cost of just a bit of risk, at that!
She doesn't think about it, really. It wasn't something she needed to think about. They were threatening her, they were a risk to her team, they were the price she had to pay to eat, the specifics of what happened don't matter much at this point. Put in the position again, would she choose their life, or hers? It doesn't matter. They're dead, anyways. She should know. She was the one to take the payment for it.
4. Favorite line?
We're copy-pasting these straight from the game! These Direct Quotes are all sourced from @aquilamage's Bug Fables Transcript project, which we highly recommend checking out! It's an excellent resource for double-checking dialogue without having to replay the game first, and a repository for just about all the dialogue in the game (provided it wasn't taken out by previous patches, of course).
We will be honest: there's a lot of dialogue in this game. This might not be our absolute favorites, as a result of a general poor memory as well as Too Much Game. Also, we have blatant favoritism towards Vi in all ways. Most of these are favorite interactions, rather than anything else, so...
For Leif:
Kabbu: Leif. If you need to take a break, let us know. Vi will carry you. Vi: That is not happening. Leif: Oh, the fatigue, it kicks in... Vi: I said it's not happening!
...and for Vi, we're fond of this dialogue, specifically because the first time we encountered it we misread "exploring" as "exploding".
Leif: Science looks like a lot of hard work. Vi: It's like uh...the thinking version of exploring!
But of course, our favorite Vi Dialogue as well as our personal favorite dialogue in the game in general would be the Bee Guard overworld spy.
Leif: Vi, you're the only Bee explorer, right? Vi: Huh? Uh, yeah! That I know of... Leif: We've been thinking it's a bit weird, to see so many Bee guards, but only one explorer... Vi: Look, they're not guards because they want to or anything, okay? Vi: They were born to be guards, so they guard. That's it. Kabbu: That's a bit somber... Vi: ...That's just how the Hive is sometimes.
"I'm allergic to bouncers" is a close second, of course. In terms of story implications, we pull on her Jaune interactions and especially the point just after getting kicked out of the studio for the first time during Jaune's request, but that's... it's less we "like" it, per se, and more that the implications are fun to toy with. In terms of the actual dialogue, it just... makes us feel sad. Sad, [], and maybe a bit angry on her behalf. We've been there more than we care to admit, after all.
We... wouldn't wish something similar on anyone. And no matter how good the good gets with Jaune, it still can't really outweigh the fact that the bad starts ticking boxes about emotional abuse in a way that makes relationships like Mothiva & Zasp that more people are willing to try and call out pale in comparison. We probably need to finish that essay some time...
Anyways, we like it when Kabbu gets mad enough to yell at people.
Kabbu: This is ridiculous! You realize you could be dooming us all!? Kabbu: What if the Termite King loses trust in the Queen!? Kabbu: What if you lose to the Wasp King without our help!? Kabbu: Have you gone completely, utterly insane!? Have you lost all intelligence! Mothiva: Yikes. You're overthinking this WAY too much. Mothiva: The Ant Kingdom's way better in our hands than with you LOSERS. Kabbu: We have SAVED YOUR LIFE BEFORE, you WITCH!
#asks#ask games#we speak#bug fables#headcanons#writing#kabbu hc section turned into north rambling but uhh. dw about it. you get to hear our cool northern worldbuilding now#hi. sorry this took so long. this is more than a thousand words of writing.#the Vi Worst Thing varies heavily by verse as does All The Other Ones#what's the worst thing they've ever done? depends on the fic!#for vi specifically the nature of the jobs she's done is often plot relevant and thus changeable by convenience#if we get into aus then there are some more drastic changes ofc but we're doing Canon TSM Only here so that's just a side note#the most notable difference in answers...#selkie vi would have a very#unfortunately selkie vi is also missing and assumed dead due to that so it would be hard for her to answer#we love kabbu but he is very much a product of his environment#the intense traditionalism is a Beetle Thing technically and kabbu's specific brand is even more specific than that#a bit of a Kabbu Thing we guess? highly area specific and notable in that its extreme even for northern beetles#you become an amalgamation of the little bits of the people around you over time#and the bits kabbu picked up. well. highlighted that law is The Way To Go for keeping people alive and safe#even if not quite happy#anyways we hope this is good. it took a longass time! we wrote So Fucking Much here. its a bit excessive.
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perpetual chicken and egg question are you not writing fanfiction because you're depressed or are you depressed because you're not writing fanfiction. write fanfiction and find out today
#personal#liz loves writing#i think it's the former i think it's seasonal it's got to be seasonal!!!!!!!!#but i wrote 1k of envesseled yesterday and like#it wasn't even a good 1k if i'm being honest like it was a bad set of words#but i felt SO much better. i didn't even get mad when i got into bed to find my cat had puked on the bedspread#having to remake my entire bed when im ready to sleep normally turns me into number one grouch and i didnt care#slept well got up at a reasonable hour and everything#the effect is starting to wear off which means i need to write another 1000 words but I Dont Wanna. must be seasonal.#man remember when i was banging out 2 an 3 thousand every day easily? i miss that.#anyway maybe it's the weather here...it's been like 70+ for 3 days now thanks climate change
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the aforementioned unrelated first entry au where someone died
edmond stops by afterwards. aymeric is halfway into his trousers. In a detatched way, he's proud he even got that far. He thought he wouldn't be able to get out of bed. He thought he wouldn't be able to breathe.
in another universe he's having a good day. he holds on to that. in another universe he's having a good day. in another universe the fact that he'd loved enguerran mattered. in another universe, the good memories - the picnic under a limsan sunset, the lavender smell of a fresh washed quilt - warmed enguerran. the promise of more to come staved off the ragged edges of despair. in another universe enguerran didn't watch everyone he'd loved die and see zenos and the wicked curve of a blade and think, yes-
in another universe aymeric was reason enough to come home safe.
he lets out a little noise. edmond places a black-gloved hand on his back.
he should have stayed. he should have stayed when they brought enguerran back from ghimlyt dark. he should have gone to sharlayan. he should have seen the ragnarok off. hells! he should have gone to the ends of the universe with enguerran. he'd tied his earcuff to the teleporter he'd thrown away, that simple delicate thing aymeric had pressed, breathlessly, into his hands when he'd finally asked about an engagement-
nothing else but that.
if he'd been there- if he'd been there-
-but he wasn't.
#okay.#in retrospect.#it was in fact somewhat related.#rest assured i forgot that until just now.#how do you forget something like that???? easily. next question.#my writing#endwalker spoilers#you can tell perhaps i stopped here because i realized there was no comforting my way out of this fic setup#well not without like 50 thousand words.#i could do it with 50k#i do not want to though
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unfortunately every time i contemplate perpetrating a text post i get a sentence or three into it only to experience agonies over the hideousness of my own prose styling
which is putting something of a crimp in this whole 'what if i started blogging again' experiment
#there's of course also the question of like. do i owe it to myself and/or to my ~audience~ to Explain My Long Absence#or like. 'owe' is the wrong word. but there IS stuff i'm interested in unpacking#however as a guy who took an extra decade to get a BA bc [] couldn't write a paper to save [] life#and as a result kept failing classes []'d been doing extremely well in prior to the arrival of Final Paper Guillotine#(side note oh boy am i developing new pronoun problems. is this an exciting new development i will promptly be proceeding to ignore.)#(MAYBE SO.)#the idea of like. writing a whole big personal essay abt the issues i developed from the environment i turned tumblr into for myself#(yes that's awkward phrasing but i get frustrated when people get on tumblr to complain about tumblr without acknowledging that like#whatever tumblr is for you is what you've said yes‚ either actively or passively‚ to letting accrete around you#so like. not gonna let myself off the hook abt that any more than i would anyone else. i said yes a thousand times to my own ruination.)#is. well. i like to think i've learned a LITTLE about setting myself up for failure‚ lmao#i expect i WILL get into it eventually bc like. what are we all here for if not some degree of omphaloskepsis#but like. just say no to the big opening programmatic mission statement concept#instead you get the deliberately-mediocre scribble to break in the sketchbook#and maybe down the line some other stuff in dribs and drabs
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Tell me in the tags what u answered + why you think that is if you want! (age range or generation data would also be interesting)
#there are several correct and incorrect answers here#/joking#no real reason for this just wondering bcus I say it the first two ways in my head personally#well really I pronounce it ‘two thousandnn twelve’ with the ‘and’ barely decipherable#uh just choose the most common one you say if you say multiple lol#poll#gummii.txt#I’ve read the word twelve so many times now that it doesn’t look like a word anymore. it’s beddy bye time lol#(I am writing this at 1 am. this is scheduled)#also should two thousand-twelve have a dash or no. or twenty-twelve
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The best 68 seconds in anime history (and a 22 minutes 32 seconds of prelude to that, I guess)
#A good episode. Some interesting politics talks.#But also episode that reminds me how boring b/sd is - to me - when it's not about ss/kk…#It's just that a season finale that isn't centered on ss/kk feels unfair ahah#I like fuku/fuku's relationship and their arc is interesting but man Fukuchi's plan is really so stupid… Like so so stupid…#And I suppose it's the kind of nonsense that's fairly in brand for b/sd. But still‚ man…#Idk. I don't have much to say that I haven't already plenty commented here and there.#Very solid episode. Spectacular animation and art direction by b/sd's standards. Just try not to miss ss/kk too much while watching it lmao#Oh the Teruko scene makes me soooooo mad.#I'm so pissed at that scene it's my least favourite scene in the whole manga. Makes me want to break the screen.#The moment when Fukuchi holds Fukuchi is???? So intimate????? Really has one be like 🏳️🌈⁉️⁉️#I know that's definitely not the point but every time watching I can't help but go#“world war or not‚ activating such a large scale military mobilization is probably going to cause the end of the world–#due to all its consequent pollution either way”.#I mean even ignoring the tanks and fighter aircrafts and aircraft carriers the THOUSANDS of missiles dropped in the sea. Lol#Well... At least we got ss/kk homoerotic bloodsucking. A special tool that will come useful later I'm sure I'm sure#I don't have words left about the final ss/kk scene but seriously. It's incredible under every aspect.#I can't believe Akutagawa stepped in in a new outfit to rescue Atsushi and exchange homoerotic lines.#You had to be there you had to be there. Lifechanging night national holiday worthy event#random rambles#This one + the last episode: episodes that make me go “wow whoever wrote this plot has no idea how UN works”#Like seriously (╥﹏╥) Seriously. I mean it's all good it's just an anime but that's so not how the UN works lol
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There's nothing quite like being several paragraphs deep into adding onto a fic draft before you realise you fucked up your timeline with nearly everything you just wrote, and that you'll need to reconfigure said timeline and redo all this new progress other than keeping a few details necessary to call back/reference other parts of the overall AU
#text post#i only added like a few thousand words. it's fine.#most progress I've made on a fic in like a week maybe two#the brain and body feel so weird today and i am a mix of goddamn it fuck abt this#and well it could be worse. i could have to delete the whole thing and start all over#anyway never write a fic abt characters dealing with a kid character who doesnt want to go to college#and has daddy issues that are intertwined with those feelings abt school and life overall#bc then you'll have to figure out when ed and izzy met and if at college like you've implied#then why did izzy go to school later than most kids and can that bit help him fix the situation with Jack Jr#and idk but the author who wrote all this should get in here and figure and fix this all/s#wonder who he could be lmao/s
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Anemoia (How Long Will You Reach For The Ghosts Of Distant Stars?)
They could see the stars tonight, bright splatters of light across the shadows of the sky. They don't really know why they decided to come out here, so far from the comfort of their little cottage, but they don't want to return, not yet at least. Wrapped in their cloak, they nestle themselves into the trunk of an old, hollowed out tree as they crane their neck upwards. The stars flicker and blink down at them, almost as if they were waving a hello. A ridiculous thought they don't mind entertaining as they raise their own hand to wave back. Maybe they are a bit of a fool, but they never claimed to be wise in the first place.
This reminds them of dreams they could have sworn they had forgotten, the wisps of names and faces that linger on their tongue even as the memories faded from their mind. They could almost feel the leathery skin underneath their fingertips, the sharp edges of scales too big. The blooming feeling of awe as feather and fur alike curl around their shoulders. Even the whistling winds, rustling through leaves and grass, remind them of the songs they used to sing, the lyrics long forgotten. Not quite unexpectedly, it hurts. Aching something fierce and bold in their chest, that forces tears to well in their eyes. Logically, they know it's silly to cry over something they can barely remember, over something that the world doesn't remember existing. At least, not in this life.
But they don't swallow down the sob that leaves their throat nor wipe away the iridescent tears that fall from their eyes. They don't mind the chill that seeps into their chest as their tears soak through the thin fabric of their shirt, far too busy watching the stars drift across the skies. They think, at first, only distantly, that they can see the twisting shapes of long serpentine bodies and billowing wings. They swear they can hear the timber of voices overlapped, the shadows of all too human bodies that they should know but can't quite remember. They wonder if they can miss people that don't exist.
They wonder if these memories are what drives them away from the people, the connections, of this earth. Star child, they remember their grandmother whispering to them in the late hours of the night. You are loved, they remember her murmuring to them every day from then on. They remember clinging to her feeble form as she spun tales of mystical beasts and stories of man made gods. Rivers to a lake, spiraling into the deep caverns underneath, hoarding knowledge underneath their silence. They wonder if there was some truth to her tales after all.
Star child, that name, title they suppose, has haunted them throughout their entire life. They wonder if it is why they can taste lightning on their tongue even when the skies are clear, if it is why they can feel the brittle-snap of thunder between their teeth. They wonder if it is why frost cradles their skin even when hearth-warm fire curls in their chest, the duality often leaving them sick and bedridden. Wildfires spark to life, just shy of burning and charring the vulnerable flesh of their heart. That coil around their ribcage and rumble as though the earth was quaking under a cat's quiet purr. All the while, ice forms at the base of their throat, encircling their arms like sharp shackles. They don't mind the chill, even when it hurts to speak. They welcome the frost and the cold, wrapping themselves in snow to stave off the constant heat.
They suppose it is, just like the winds that push for them to wander the world. A wanderlust unseen in their family, where others root themselves into the soil, they take to the skies. Following where the breeze and the gales blow them, the peaks of snow-capped mountains and the depths of oceans. Their body is not meant for travel, frail from the war that wages inside them. But it's not as if they could stop. They ache for the road, to chase after the stars as if they could someday reach up to pluck them from the skies. Their only real companion over the years, the feel of coiled bodies in the palm of their hand and the sound of an echoing roar in their ears.
Sometimes, they still expect a tail to curl itself around their legs even though the creature that tail is connected to only resides in their dreams. They still turn and expect to see the divine tipped claws of monsters, to have to tip their head back to speak to looming shadows of those they should know and still somewhat do, even if they haven't met them yet. Their disappointment when all that greets them is silence and emptiness is often crushing and immeasurable, inconsolable grief that drapes across their shoulders like a dark veil. Those days, they spend their time inside, away from the sun and the stars, away from the gaze of the people that stare and stare. They spend those days painting and writing, over and over, trying to capture the faces and forms of their companions they so desperately want to remember.
But it never looks quite right. Something is always wrong, always off. Failure is a bitter thing to swallow, it tastes of bile and blood and tainted honor. It is the shattering of pride, the sting of human hubris that leads them to bury their half written journals and messily sketched paintings. It is what forces them to grip the few pieces of their memories close, cradling their dreams like the most precious of treasures. Long fluttering scarves and cloaks, flowing fabrics that hide the invisible pouches of chiming bells and glimmering scales. Though they carry little on their journey, they can't help but feel an anchor's weight on their shoulders, Atlas heavy. A worthwhile price for the imaginary companions that drive away the loneliness, even if they do still want to feel the steady heartbeat underneath their hands.
Star child, they muse to themselves, it grows more fitting by the year. Stardust in their veins and the world at their fingertips, it is only a matter of time before they will be cradled in the careful coils of their once lost companions, one way or another.
@n0tamused
#the ramblings of a mad god#snippet#Is this technically prose?#Maybe?#I went from poetry to whatever this is#It's over a thousand words#How did I get here#I think I went overboard#This was meant to be a silly blurb about dragons#Instead we got existential introspection#It seems to happen a lot nowadays#I wrote this while dealing with a flare up#apologies for any mistakes#Why did I chose those 4 elements you ask?#Because they were the only overlapping ones#Of Wuthering Waves and Honkai Star Rail and Genshin Impact#I've discovered messages have a character limit#Which I guess makes sense#Dragons#Well more implied dragons#Like very subtle mentions of implied character death#I'm rambling again#I should stop#Actually before I stop#To the person I was inspired by#Maybe this isn't what you expected but I hope you enjoy it regardless
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