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ghost-proofbaby · 1 month ago

Text

SIMPLE. (astarion ancunin x afab!reader)

based upon this request by @leahthesith: you've grown tired of astarion's games of jealousy, and it all comes crashing down one night when he chooses to spoil your fun with shadowheart.

warnings: mentions and allusions to astarion's past, as well as his sexual trauma. biting. lots, and lots, and lots of biting. oral sex ('f' receiving), smut. reader is not explicitly gendered/no pronouns are used. only a brief comparison of a 'schoolgirl crush'. reader has also had almost romantic interactions with several companions. 18+ - minors dni.

wc: 7.4k+

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There’s no reason for him to be looking at you like that.

No explanation, no justification, no reason for those jewel eyes to be glowering at you from across the tavern. For his fist to wrap around the mug of whatever he’s sipping on for show, pale skin going translucent in the dancing candlelight. For his entire chest having gone still the last several minutes, and for you to be unable to decipher if he’s simply too distracted to bother with the last of what remains of his living instincts or if it’s another instinct all on its own – if he’s holding his breath as he watches your conversation with Shadowheart.

Then again, there’s no real reason for you to be watching him back.

The matter of the fact is that you’re watching him just as closely, just as captivated by his presence from across the room, just to simply notice these things. The stillness in his shoulders and the glint that you swear must be his fangs poking past his lips should not be in your periphery. Your focus, all your attention, should be on the vibrant girl on the stool beside you. The dark beauty who’s speaking more with her hands than her lips, giggling over yet another glass of wine.

“You know,” she sighs wistfully, and you have to tear your gaze away from where it had wandered towards the vampire currently sulking away from the group, “The wine here in the city is much better than on the road.”

You hum as you distractedly take a sip from your own glass, tongue immediately peeking out to trace along your bottom lip subconsciously, as if you might be trying to savor the flavor. As if you can even taste the flavor. Your tongue has gone all but numb to the ruby liquid as a very different shade of red has captured your interest.

This could be the same wine from the druid party at the beginning of your journey, the party in which you snatched a bottle from the very shadow that is watching your every move, and you wouldn’t know the difference.

“It is,” you lie, swirling the red liquid a little bit, an attempt to bring back the taste all over your tongue.

And even if she buys your lie, Shadowheart can tell something is off, leaning in just a bit closer, peering at you just a little more concerningly, “Is everything okay? You don’t seem yourself.”

You don’t feel yourself. You should be feeling much more jubilant. You should be joining in on the same fun everyone else is having, toasting to yet another battle won. The end of it all was so close you could taste it.

And yet, you don’t. Because he’s in the corner brooding, and with him he’s seemingly taken both your mind and your mood.

“It’s been a long day,” It’s been one long day after another for months, it seems, “I suppose the wine is just making me relax a bit too much.”

That it is. The alcohol has managed to wiggle its way into your bloodstream, heading straight up your spine and to your brain. All your thoughts feather at the edge, and perhaps that was why you were watching Astarion back so intensely.

Months of this journey, and you still felt no closer to figuring him out than you had that very first night of discovering his vampirism. Each layer of him that you had peeled back only revealed more confusion to sit with. Some days, you swore you had him entirely figured out. You knew every in and every out of all his wits, and you knew all the steps to the dance in which he’d attempt to draw you into. You could play into whatever design he was spinning between the two of you; you could beat him at his own game.

But other days, days like today, you simply couldn’t.

All his flirtations, all his subtle seductions – you couldn’t decipher what was real and what was still for show. For every innuendo he’d whispered into your ear, he shared just as scandalous a comment with another party member. For every seemingly accidental graze of his cold skin against yours, he was attaching himself at the hip of another one of your companions. For all he gave, he would take just as much. Leaving you spinning in the hope of it all; leaving you with a yearning hunger that probably neared the threshold of his own vampiric hunger.

You want him. You hate him. He infatuates you. He irritates you. He is both sides of the same coin that has damned you every step along the way of this peculiar journey you’ve embarked on together.

“I know what you mean,” Shadowheart brings you back to reality with one swoop of her hair, a careful gathering of the locks to leave a shoulder exposed, “What is it that they always say? Wine is the secret ingredient for every bad decision?”

Your eyes trace carefully over her skin, the slope of where her neck meets her collarbone, the residual bruising leftover from the latest fight blooming beautifully over her. A welcome distraction.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard them say that,” you muse, a smile tugging on your lips, eyes still traveling. Up, up, up.

Over the line of her jaw, across the curve of her chin. Pillowy bottom lip and softly rounded nose. Softness – she’s made up of all soft and delicate features, such a contrast to someone such as Ast-

You must stop thinking about Astarion.

You’re no longer asking yourself of it, you’re demanding yourself of it. You make a point to move your body and head carefully, positioning yourself just so that the outline of the confusing vampire on your mind is entirely blocked out by Shadowheart’s silhouette.

“Oh, trust me – they say it all the time,” something simmers beneath Shadowheart’s returning grin, a sparkle in her eyes that should spark some sort of excitement in you. But it’s a hollow ache; you’re still painfully aware that he’s in the room, “Say, would you like to maybe… I don’t know, get out of here? I’m sure we could sneak some more of this exquisite wine to the room upstairs, perhaps find somewhere to relax together even more-”

“Oh, my dear Shadowheart, don’t you know that that would be thievery?”

His voice, so close and sudden, sucks all of the air out of your lungs.

“Astarion!” Shadowheart jumps a bit at his sudden appearance, but you hardly move a muscle. As though your body had been expecting him, as if you had always known the night was leading to this outcome, “I’m surprised to see you’ve given up your gloomy act to join us all. I thought you might sulk in the corner all night.”

His eyes lock on you, and the facade of his usual self seemingly melts. There’s something darker beneath the surface, an animal caged away, and you can see it as it bares its teeth, “Not sulking. Merely observing.”

You can’t speak. Your entire chest is still tight, lungs still deflated, by his proximity.

“Well, hard to tell the difference when you hide away in the darkness,” Shadowheart manages to get out before her lips press tightly together, clearly irritated at your companion.

She’d nearly had you. She had been giving you clear signals, doing away with any games of cats and mice, and she had nearly had you.

“It’s in my nature, I suppose,” his tone falls flatter than normal, the words void of all the airiness and usual cadence he accentuates.

He still has you far more enraptured than she’d ever stood a chance of accomplishing.

“We were just heading upstairs,” you blurt out, and Astarion’s eyebrows raise at your proclamation.

“Is that so?”

You don’t quite understand why, but you feel the need to over explain yourself, painfully aware of Shadowheart’s inquisitive gaze as she watches you fumble with your words, “Yes! I- I was just telling Shadowheart how tired I’ve grown. We were just calling it a night-”

“By stealing a bottle of wine?” his tone is growing sharper, and you squirm beneath what has almost become a glare. In an instant, he’s noticing all that discomfort, and you watch the facade be built back up in real time. Brick by brick, he once again resumes his usual role, voice raising a few octaves and a dangerous smirk returning, “And stealing our dearest cleric away from such a wonderful night of celebration? Nonsense! Allow me to accompany you instead, my sweet.”

The nickname rolls off his tongue as naturally as it always does. Sugary syllables, predatory purring. It almost reels you in until you remember the give and the take. The push and the pull.

Two sides, same coin. And you’ve yet to figure out the value of that coin.

“There’s no need for that-” Shadowheart begins to protest, but Astarion quickly cuts her off with a flourish of his hand.

“Please, I insist,” even with his words lightened, sweetened up the slightest bit, that animal still lingers below the tone. Shadowheart will not be accompanying you up to the room. That much you know. “You were clearly having such a good time. It’s truly no problem, I don’t mind watching after our fearless leader.”

“I don’t need to be babysat,” you snap, reactive like a dog threatened.

Like a dog cornered.

Yes, that was what you were. A rapid animal, backed up into a space, given no choice. Your heart was racing at the idea of being alone with Astarion. It was no longer a game of mental chess played across a busy tavern – it would be just you, just him, and all those terrible layers you had yet to decipher. It was a recipe for disaster. It was the perfect storm brewing, set for the destruction of you.

“I won’t be babysitting you, dear,” he smiles, and it looks more like a hungered sneer than a sign of genuinity, “Simply there, at your service, for whatever you may need.

I need you to leave me alone. I need our journey to be over so I can stop being your puppet to string along.

You wonder if the thought may have traveled over the tadpole bond and that was why his face falls, rather than your stubborn silence.

For a moment, you think Shadowheart is going to speak up. That possibly, she might just fight back against him, save you from the impending doom. But when her mouth opens, you hear the last possible thing you could have ached to have fallen from her lips.

“I… suppose I’ll be on my way then. Have a good night.”

Defeat.

It wraps around your name as she whispers it before she stands from her stool, unassuming to all your silent signals begging her to stay. Footsteps echoing over the commotion around you as she turns her back, and you feel the walls of this corner drawing in on you.

“I-” you start when you finally look back to Astarion, but he’s already reaching out to grab you.

“She’ll get over it,” he says harshly, pulling you along as if you were nothing. As though you weren’t digging your heels into the creaking floorboards below, as if you weren’t resisting him with every fiber of your being.

“Astarion- stop, I’m- I’m not worried about her,” you stutter out, cursing the way your voice falters, tugging against his grip on you, “Gods, why do you do that?”

The question has him halting at the foot of the stairs. The shadows encase the two of you as his eyes glow in the subtle darkness.

“Do what?”

“This.”

You wave your free hand in the space between the two of you wildly, as though that might suffice for explanation. But when Astarion only levels you with a blank stare, you know it won’t. You know it doesn’t.

“You pull me along, you push me away,” you continue, heart still racing wildly, breaths coming out short and fast, “You treat me like something special and then discard me, and the moment I seek out that genuine treatment from someone else, you’re back to collect me as your own personal play toy. I want to know why.”

For all the exasperation you feel, there’s a pride beneath it all. The pride of being able to articulate, the smugness of assuming you’ve left him speechless. You haven’t.

Today is not one of the days in which you can beat him at his own game.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he claims, chin lifting just an inch, eyes flitting towards the ceiling before making their way to the bar scene behind you. Anywhere but you. “I’ve done no such thing-”

“Bullshit,” you spit out, “Bull-fucking-shit. You’ve done it numerous times, Astarion. Do you not recall the night in which Gale had approached me, offering to teach me about the Weave, and how you’d interrupted-”

“Our dearest wizard would have bored you to death. It was a mercy to interject.”

“-or the night of the tiefling party, when Karlach had been on the verge of confessing something that seemed an awful lot like an admittance of liking me-”

“Karlach likes everyone. Have you seen the eyes she makes at Wyll?”

“-And how about the time when Lae’zel openly invited me to share a bed with her, and you’d overheard, and obnoxiously guffawed? Hm? What’s your excuse there?”

Finally, his grip has slackened on your wrist, allowing you to pull both arms tightly across your chest as you glare at him. Chest still heaving, mind still reeling.

He clearly doesn’t have a very good answer as his lips twitch briefly into a pathetic smile, fading quickly as he shrugs, “Well, I simply found the entire image conjured amusing.”

Your heart nearly stops, leaving your chest as empty a cavern as Astarion’s, “You find the image of someone wanting me, wanting to lay with me, amusing?”

And for all he plays dumb, Astarion is not a fool.

He catches the fall in your demeanor, the way your arms slowly drop and your entire face contorts with your frown. Damage has been done.

“No, wait, I-” he tries to begin damage control, but the damage has been done.

“Save it,” you cut him off, “I’m going upstairs now. You can continue on your moping down here in the shadows – I don’t need a babysitter.”

He almost looks as defeated as Shadowheart had when he’d intervened for a second, a second just long enough that you begin taking the long strides up the stairs. You think you’ve gotten the last word, for that eternity of a second. Making it all the way to the first platform, turning to take on the second set of stairs.

When suddenly, your back is flat against the wall behind you, a cold body pressed against the entirety of yours.

“I do not find it amusing,” Astarion huffs, those beady eyes suddenly staring right into yours, lips dangerously close to your own. The defeat has been long forgotten, “The image of you with the others – entranced by Gale’s magic, giggling by the fire with Karlach, on your knees for Lae’zel – is not amusing,” his hands are tight on your hips, bruising grip keeping you pinned with no escape. His body rolls, every inch of his clothed skin beginning to press against your own, “You, laying with anyone else, is the farthest thing from amusing, darling.”

His head tilts in warning, forehead nearly pressed to yours, the end of his nose bumping against yours. You can feel every unnecessary breath he takes. Every huff of his sudden irritation invades your space, and all you can do is attempt to turn your head.

One of his hands is quick to reach up, pinching your chin between his thumb and pointer. You want to look away, but he won’t allow it.

“Would you like to know the truth?”

A loaded question. A ticking time bomb when it comes to this game between the two of you.

You decide to set the fuse aflame when you nod your stiff head against his pinching grip.

“The truth is,” he takes a deep breath, one you know he doesn’t need. He’s sucking all the air out of the room, air he has no need for, before his heavy eyes pour into yours. You’re blinded, all visions of red and smoky warning signs, the chatter of the tavern faded to nothing, “the image of you laying with anyone else absolutely infuriates me.”

Anyone else.

You open your mouth to respond, not even sure what you could possibly say to that, but it’s Astarion’s lips on yours that kills all words on your tongue.

There are no witnesses. Not a single soul below can see as he all but devours you, hungry lips melding to yours in desperation. The shadows he had been taunted for haunting for the night now serve as a veil, allowing you to cling to what’s left of your dignity. If anything, it feels as though he might be controlling the shadows, beckoning them to come and wrap the two of you up as his arm sneaks behind your back, pulling your body tightly to his as he chooses to steal the breath directly from your lungs now.

The push, the pull – the coin. The value, it seems, is finally coming to light.

Through the kiss, you can feel the damnation of all the emotions Astarion must have been holding back for the journey. All the want, all the yearning, all the anger, all the confusion – every single emotion you’ve been battling, breaking the surface as his fangs nip at your bottom lip.

It takes more willpower than you’d expected to shove him away.

“Astarion-” you gasp out, taking gulps of air into your burning lungs.

“Tell me to walk away,” he begs, body still aligned with yours, hands still clinging to you, “Tell me to leave you alone, and this time, I’ll obey.”

Your tongue can’t move. The depths of his whispers, his pleads, are ringing in your bones, and you can’t say the words he asks of you.

“Say it,” he presses on, his fingers only digging deeper into your hips. You can’t tell if they’ve gone numb from the chill of his fingers, or from the lack of circulation due to his strength, “Just say it, and I’ll do it. Say anything. I’m yours to command.”

You should tell him to walk away. You should call off the game of cat and mouse. You should save what’s left of your soul for someone else, anyone else, who won’t send your head spinning with a plethora of mixed signals.

“Room. Now.”

Of course, you don’t.

The game was never one-sided. It was never you, a merciful victim of Astarion, always trapped in his shadows. It’s a game for two – and you’ve earned your blame in it all, the same as Astarion.

And you continue to earn it as your hands tangle up in the snowy curls at the nape of his neck, silvery strands slipping between aching knuckles, lips attaching themselves to his porcelain skin as he guides you up that final flight of stairs. You’re not thinking of Shadowheart, not thinking of anything delicate or soft. Harsh clashes of teeth, harsh bites to rebuttal his fangs against you, harsh fingers digging into soft meat, harsh red lines left behind across his skin that fade away too quickly for your liking.

Harsh, harsh, harsh.

All your tensions and frustrations are put into the meshing, and you hardly notice once Astarion’s gotten the two of you through the threshold of the shared room. Everyone else is still downstairs, still celebrating, still cheersing and chatting away. Completely unaware of your demise. Oblivious to what’s about to happen.

Anyone else.

It’s been a long time coming.

You can see flashes of it in your mind as he carries you with him, door locked behind his back before he’s finding one of the vacated beds to lay you down onto. The night you’d discovered his vampiric nature, the night you had been his mirror with his scars, all the times in which he’d blatantly saved your ass during fights. The blurry figure that is your savior, conveniently getting between you and goblins or shadows alike as he buries his daggers to the hilt. Always there, always watching.

Always yearning.

Your heads sing in tune as that tadpole connection comes to life, like an exposed nerve as you feel it all reciprocated from him tenfold. Flashes of yourself, with soft eyes and gentle words. Patient palms and charming smiles. A pulling gravity so grandiose that it sparks sheer fear.

The room is quiet save for your gasps every time Astarion’s lips leave yours long enough to allow for breathing, the ruffling of clothing and bed sheets filling the air soon enough. Just quiet enough you can hone in on that fear, dig your claws into it instead of his back, focused entirely on following it all the way down.

More memories of his overriding yours. His exposure of Cazador, his admittance of his past. All the trust he put into you – all the faith he’d blindly handed over to you on a silver platter, only reminiscing and regretting once he was left to his own devices at the end of the day.

And then came the jealousy.

You’d already felt enough of it through his kisses and movements – the way he pins your body beneath his, the way his fangs graze your exposed neck – but it nearly drowns you once the connection has opened the floodgates.

The image of you and Gale, and a twist in your gut like no other. Incomparable to even vampiric hunger.

The image of you and Lae’zel, and a burn in the back of your throat that drives you beyond reason.

The glimpse of you and Karlach, and the urgency rising in your chest to simply stop it. To pull the brakes, not once considering the consequences.

Every small moment between you and someone else – companions, strangers, those who have helped along the way – is given to you from Astarion’s point of view. You feel all that he has felt; you burn as he has burned.

You feel a glimmer of understanding, a pitiful ounce of sympathy, but then you remember all that you have felt. All that confusion, all that unsureness. Every time you’ve had to question the glances the vampire offers in your direction or double back on his words.

He’d done it to himself. You had to remember that – he’d done it to himself every single step of the way.

“You could have said something,” you whisper out as his lips travel down the path of your neck, sharp tips of his fangs pressing to your pulse but not quite breaking skin, “You could have just told me.”

He’s lithe as a cat above you, each scrap of clothing being removed between the two of you exposing more of your bare flesh to the chill of his. You can feel all those muscles beneath his surface, and you can feel the hesitation as you say this. The freeze – the pause.

“You make it sound so simple.”

The fangs scrape at your jugular as he whispers it, mouth shaking as he uses all his self-constraint to not simply bite down. Taste your sweet blood, let it sing on his tongue rather than this conversation you can tell is setting fire to all his anxieties. He doesn’t want to talk.

You’re not even sure if you want to talk.

But you do, with the weight of him between your hips and his hands dancing along your torso. Your head is thrown back as you sigh, “It could be.”

It could be simple, it could have been simple this entire time, if only he’d allow it.

He’s had you dancing beneath his spell since the moment you’d met him. You had offered yourself over to him, time and time again, knowing all the costs. Despite the warnings from others, and despite all the sirens sounding off in your head every time your eyes had met his, you’d still pined. Still fantasized what this current moment might taste like as you’d lay in your tent at night, still chased after his attention across Faerun. If he had just directly said the word rather than stringing you along, burning in private – you would have been his far sooner than now. He could have had you in the palm of his hands long before he’d ever spotted the Gate of the city.

He has you now, though. Entirely encapsulated, bending to every whim of his fingertips.

A flick of his wrist, and you’re exposing more of your neck. A nudge of his knee, and you’re arching your back to press more of yourself against him. Offering your skin, offering your soul, offering your blood. A silent temptation for him to simply devour you whole; a silent begging to not complicate things more than what was necessary.

You had both been in the wrong. He had sent mixed signals, and you had been complicit in your own silence.

And right now, you weren’t particularly in the mood to rehash and reassign blame.

“Show me how simple it could be,” his voice is muffled against your skin, lips velvet against your pulse. It nearly frustrates you – was that not what you were currently doing? Were you not proving to him just how easily he could unravel you with those cold, cold palms? “Go ahead, darling. Prove me wrong.”

You’re not the one meant to take an action, though. Your hands fly up, fisting at his white curls, and you apply pressure to let him sink deeper into your skin, but you’re not the one who can break the barrier.

It’s him that must – his fangs must do it. The first bite, the smallest of sips.

Your blood trickles past his lips and you let out a sigh. As if this was what you were waiting for, as if this was all that it took. Your vitality draining slowly to invigorate him, your breath becoming his, your heart now beating for both of you.

He must feel it. He must taste it.

The simple entanglement of the living and unliving. How simple it was to become his.

You swear you only allow your heart to race as it does to encourage your blood to pump faster onto his eager tongue. He laps at it, hums at the taste, his grip on you becoming stronger with each pass of the ichor. Each passing second with his mouth glued to the side of your neck isn’t marked with the tick of a clock, but the roll of his hips, and your own desperate legs shaking in those precious moments between, cursed to choose between tightening shut around his hips or spreading wider to encourage more of him to occupy you.

Just as you start to feel light-headed, he pulls back. Wide and vibrant scarlet eyes boring into yours, fangs tinged pink with you poking against his bottom lip.

The tadpole connection has gone silent. Not due to either of you cutting it off entirely, but due to the lack of thoughts transpiring. Both your minds have gone quiet, and all that’s left is the warm buzz of knowing you’re connected. Static that you can feel at the back of your head, running down your spine, all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes.

Simple. Mind-numbingly simple.

You can feel the spark of something snapping after only a few moments of eye-contact, and you know it’s the ember that blazes within him as his next few actions transpire. Messy kisses leaving behind a trail of pink spit along your skin, hands no longer grappling at you mindlessly but with intention. He slips them between your thighs, a finger trailing down your cunt in time with his tongue down your sternum. What might be a memorized dance to him has become an entirely unknown experience to you, body buzzing with the novelty when his fingertip’s cool caress circles your clit before he slips down to your hole. It’s seamless – the stretch, the crook of his knuckle against you as he sinks deeper, the relief in the curl of your toes.

“You’re not another mindless dance,” he murmurs as he sinks deeper and lower, an unnecessary breath escaping him across your lower abdomen.

He’d heard it. He’d heard all of your thoughts at the moment.

You peer down at the ethereal sight of him between your thighs, his hair and mouth seemingly shimmering with all the stars and moon itself, “No?”

“No,” his voice is strong as he lets the tip of his nose press against you, mouth creeping closer to where two fingers now pump within you, “You’re not like the others.”

He doesn’t elaborate, even as the haunting question of who the others might be echoes within you. He completely distracts you as his fingers slip from your cunt and his tongue begins its work, worshiping you with every flick of it. Nose, tongue, breath – they all work in conglomeration as the unraveling truly begins. Every ounce of you is tensing, combating all the relief of having his mouth on you, as he pushes you closer and closer to a precipice you’ve only dreamed of him guiding you to.

The suckle of his lips. The cut of his fangs when he gets a bit too excited. The lap of a tongue like a dog worshiping at your altar. It’s all almost a bit much.

When your hands travel to entangle in his hair, you can feel the hesitation. For a moment, you believe he might reach up to take your touch away. Force you to grasp at the bed sheets, at the edge of the mattress, at the frame above your head. Anywhere but him.

But he doesn’t.

The pause only lasts a few seconds before he’s returning to his mitigations, even more intent than before. Words that could never be spoken between the two of you take the shape of his lips around your clit, sucking almost as hard as he had at your neck. An animal seemingly overtakes him, his mouth not leaving you for the mortal necessity of breathing, but rather for something harsher; he breaks away only for his fingers to slide back within you, and immediately takes to biting at your thighs.

It isn’t like he had done to your neck. This time, he’s not chasing after your blood. Nips and fuller bites, not just his sharpened canines sinking into fletch but his front teeth as well.

These aren’t bites to drink from you. These are bites to claim you.

He lines your legs with them, scattered sporadically as he shifts himself up and down. From the apex of your thigh down to your ankle, there’s hardly an inch of your skin that doesn’t paint with Astarion’s touch. The bite marks, lingering outlines of his hands clinging to your flesh, patient hickies left throughout.

You’re mine.

The message is clear enough whether you had seen it in his actions, or if he had sent it through the bond. You understand well what point he is making.

The point stands stronger and stronger when he works his way back up your body. He offers your hips the same worshiping treatment, leaves his imprints across your chest as well. A few marks brand your shoulders and neck, matching the two pricks that started this entire devourment.

“Do you have any idea of the hold you have upon me?” he sighs out as he holds himself above your body, hovering just close enough that your skin jumps as the skin of his abdomen brushes your own, “Our entire journey, I have been so focused on… on freedom, on abandoning the concept of ever being controlled…” he trails off, and when he looks into your eyes this time, you can see something clicking into place. A fearsome realization. “Only to end up in the thralls of your beck and call.”

You hold your breath and await the inevitable. This is the part where he runs. Where he removes his flesh from yours, where he jumps across the room and surely spits out some sarcastic remark. It’s the time in which he is meant to break all the hope that had been built over the minutes spent alone. He’ll make some nonchalant remark, or a crude joke, and he’ll go make eyes at some other poor fool below. He’ll cast his spell over someone else, anyone else. He’ll leave you, wanting and yearning and hopeless, once more.

His body stays above yours, the thin fabric of space shaking between you two.

With a trembling hand, warm against his skin, you take a chance, “I’m not your master, Astarion.”

You aren’t.

You have no desire to control him the way he describes. You would curse the day should you ever become something even comparable to being a placeholder for Cazador. He isn’t telling you anything new; you’ve known his end goal of this entire journey. Astarion has always wanted one thing and one thing only – freedom.

And you thought you’d been helping him. Following him blindly through the woes, helping him achieve his ultimate goal wholeheartedly. Never for a single second had you assumed the role he’s seemingly given you.

A short laugh escapes him, the smallest of smiles flitting his face, “No. No, you aren’t. And that only enthralls me further.”

His lips descend upon yours in a fervent fashion, even more desperate than before. It feels as if he’s actually trying to devour you whole this time – it feels as though he might actually accomplish melding you into his existence, sinking you right into the marrow of his hollow bones.

When his cock sinks into your heat, it’s ecstasy. Euphoria. Everything you’ve been wishing for. Everything you’d been hoping for. You stretch around him, just as you had his fingers, body eager to take in every last inch of him. The buzz becomes a roar and your entire body feels as though it might be on fire. You want more, you need more, and he’s more than willing to give it.

More, more, more.

His hips roll agonizingly slow against yours, making sure every movement is felt across every nerve ending within your body. Deep within your gut, down along your thighs, all the way up your chest. You feel him everywhere – he makes sure of it.

Centuries, his voice curls through your mind like dark smoke. For centuries, this body has felt tainted. Never quite mine, never quite clean.

His hands are shaking as he lets them caress down your sides, over your hips, clinging for support.

You take that feeling away.

The words are heavy, the press of his chest over you heavier. Your own hands wander, and you make a point to avoid the scars on his back. The ones hardly deciphered, the ones that have tied him to a fate you refuse to let him succumb to. No amount of jealousy, no amount of spite, can reverse that ardent decision within your mind.

You’re not an old coat, Astarion. You whisper it back, along the bond, your physical mouth gaping wide open as you tilt your head back into the pillow, feeling yourself tighten around him. You’re not a worn pair of boots. You’re a person.

A terrible mon-

You cut off his rebuttal, a complicated person. Snarky, indecisive, too flirtatious for your own good. But still a person, and still worthy.

Two simple words, and they send shudders through his entire body. Still worthy. You don’t look at him as something to be discarded or owned; you don’t envision him as a prize or a trophy. And you certainly don’t see only his flaws when you look at him. When his ruby eyes meet yours, both his and your own eyelashes flutter ridiculously as all the pressure mounts, the blush of your blood across his cheeks and running down his throat, you both know. You don’t need to put it into words.

Even when he infuriated you. Even when he made you second-guess his companionship in the beginning. Even when he made you swoon like a schoolgirl only to divert his attention. Never once have you fully faulted him for the mistakes.

He’s done bad things. You’ve all done terrible things. And yet, you still want him.

He’s worth more than the sum of his worst moments, even if he hadn’t bedded you tonight. You would still help slay Cazador. You would still fight tooth and claw for his freedom.

You love him. You hate him. You hate to love him, you love to hate him. It’s all smoke and mirrors at the end of the day when you’re feeling the weight of him collapse on top of you. And it’s mutual. The complicated, infuriating emotions are all reciprocated.

Every inch of your skin stings with the lingerance of his fangs and lips, gasps and mews slipping between your lips as he picks up his pace. His fingers dig into the meat of your thighs and hips in a failing attempt to pull your body back to his, the reciprocation languid in every stroke. Every slap of his skin against yours, every moan of his own – they mingle in the air and spell out the inevitability of this moment. You swear you feel his sharp nails nick you, a bead of blood no doubt bubbling and staining the sheets below.

You don’t care. He doesn’t, either.

Your whine echoes through the empty room right along with a harsh grunt from him. He’s ravaging you. Bruising you inside and out.

“Fuck, Astarion,” you gasp out, giving up using the bond. Your mind has melted far too much for coherent thoughts as both your breaths quicken, both abdomens tightening as you feel him reach even deeper inside your cunt, “Fuck.”

You can feel him letting go just as it feels as though your body might give out. Blissful soreness hidden behind a curtain of pleasure that turns your vision white. You almost wonder if your body had been simply a vessel for his own pleasure this entire time.

You wouldn’t mind if it had been, but he’s made damn sure it isn’t.

You’ve never felt quite as cared for as when his hips stutter, feeling warmth fill your fluttering cunt as his open mouth places random kisses anywhere they can reach. His head falls to the crook of your neck and you can feel his tired lips pressing repetitively over your marked neck, your shoulder. They even graze the original bite mark, and the simple action sends shockwaves through you to join the rest of the residual quakes that keep your legs shaking around his waist.

The bedlinen sticks to your skin from a mixture of blood and sweat as he collapses next to you for a moment, still curling up to you like a cat. Nose running along your bare shoulder, lips still reaching out for you.

It takes you a second, but when you finally catch your breath, you can’t help but ask the dreaded question, “Does this mean you’re officially mine?”

His chuckle is unexpected, vibrating against your chest as he rolls most of his weight off you and lifts his head, “Have I not made that much obvious?”

“I just needed to make sur-”

He cuts off all your hesitation, lifting the entirety of his upper body now, “Allow me to make this very clear to you, darling. I have been yours since the moment you reacted to me holding a dagger to your throat with a damned headbutt.”

You smile sheepishly, “So you’re telling me when I did that… I knocked some sense into you?”

“Never,” he scoffs, waving a hand, the only sign of his own fatigue to match yours being the way he drops back down at your side. You don’t miss the faint smile gracing his lips, “But it was an impressive move. Quite enchanting for this old heart of mine.”

“So now you admit that you’re old?” you joke, prodding at an inside joke that had been ongoing since he’d admitted the entirety of his vampiric nature to you. He’d always pouted like a child at any mention of his age, but he’d always allowed only you to get away with any jabs at it. Your entire group still doesn’t speak of his reaction to Gale trying his hand at one of the jokes, “Goodness, what has gotten into you, my Star?”

He flushes at the nickname, eyes diverting as he slowly creeps his body up the bed, face to face with you now. Your heart tightens a bit when he takes his time replying, swallowing hard, tongue peeking out instinctively as he runs it over his lips and fangs slowly.

You almost believe he won’t look you in the eyes again, but he does. As he says the heaviest words yet, he looks to you as if you’re the only thing in the room for this moment.

“I care for you,” his voice comes out tight, nearly strained. “Deeply. You make me want to be… a better… man, monster, whatever I might be. And if that’s a crime?” he pauses, and takes another one of those pesky deep breaths that you’re well aware aren’t vital to him. A glimmer of the human, the person, beneath the self-proclaimed monster. “Well, I haven’t been much of a rule follower thus far in our journey anyways, have I?”

You pay no mind to his joking tone, seeing the words for what they are. Your hand reaches up, fingers carding through silver waves, and you can’t help your grin when he doesn’t swat you away as he had done Shadowheart for the exact same show of affection the week before.

I adore you, Astarion.

Quiet words. Silent words. Only for the two of you, within the confines of a shared mine.

He clears his throat uncomfortably, “Mind you, I may need some time, given all the memories this wretched city brings-”

“Take all the time you need,” you interrupt. From the second he’d opened up to you, offering that vulnerability in the heat of the moment regarding his body, you’d seen this coming. “I can wait for you, my love. Let’s just focus on surviving all this, yeah?”

He can’t hide his affection. It’s written plainly on his face, it travels clearly across the bond.

“Yes,” he whispers back, reaching for your wrist finally, but only to hold it placid as he turns his lips towards it. You think for a moment he might bite you one final time, and you’d let him, but he surprises you. No fangs appear – only the softest of kisses against the most vulnerable of skin. “Survival. Of course.”

It’s not so much words as it is an image, a promise, that comes to mind from him. The fluttering of a future he sees being possible, the threat of a city burned down should any harm come to you.

“And no more jealousy,” you croak out, trying to not be overwhelmed by his own emotions mixing with yours. “You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

Another kiss to your wrist, this one far quicker, far more habitual than the first. He’s kissing you simply because he can.

You know there’s more behind his smile when he whispers, “Oh, of course, lover.”

And you find out later on the reason for such a mischievous smile, once he’s cleaned you both up and migrated for you two to rest in his claimed bed. When Shadowheart is the first of the group to enter the room, confronted with the image of you curled up on Astarion’s chest as his fingers dance over your aching skin, you don’t even have to wake up properly to see the vision of a smug Astarion through your dreary eyes.

Words are exchanged, but they’re lost to you in your sleepy state. You only catch the ones that matter.

“Astarion! Are those bite marks-”

“Mine?” if you were any more conscious, you would have scolded him. He knows it, too, as he squeezes you closer to him, “Why, yes. Yes, they are, our dearest Shadowheart.”

Shadowheart’s huff of breath tells you all you need to know about Astarion’s smirk. You’ll talk more of jealousy in the morning.

#ghost's writing #kinktober #week 1: vampiric desires #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion smut #astarion x tav

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moodymisty · 3 months ago

Note

Hiii!!! I LOVE everything you write since I followed you a long time ago. I would like to read something about Rogal Dorn. I can't find ANYTHING about him and i just can't stop thinking about him.

I don't mind if it's smut, whatever you feel confortable with, but if it can have a little bit of fluff i would LOVE It.

Thank you for everything.💞

Author's note: Ok so I am deciding to do an idea i have for awhile, that I believe someone else posted but I cannot remember who. anyhoo, enjoy. Perhaps it's not as fluffy as you might have wanted, but fluffy Dorn is sort of awkward, nice Dorn so I hope you still like it;;

Relationships: Rogal Dorn/Fem!Reader (reader is a remembrancer)

Warnings: Perturabo calls you a whore but other than that nothing really of note

"I never did thank you properly for all of the clothes, Lord Dorn."

You look up at him, golden armor still shining in the relative dimness of the bridge- to only get a light nod of his head in response.

Inwit is freezing, unfathomably cold, and the clothes you had worn previously on Olympia failed to cut it. That had been a very quick, and very upsetting realization. Dorn had- in his stalwart silence - requisitioned you more only a few days later. Many more, custom-made. They were lined with warm furs and comfortable, built for hard winds and ice, trapping your body heat close to you. You had taken some of the layers off since you were arriving to Terra, a planet with a much more tempered climate. You don't miss the burning of your cheeks and frozen snot, but you do miss the planet overall.

Terra... Coming here makes you nervous. You know who is going to be here. Take a few deep, self-assuring breaths before looking in Dorn's general direction. The large glass viewport at the front of the bridge illuminates most of the floor, casting you all in a variety of colors.

"Lord Dorn, may I ask you a question about something?"

He turns to you, looking down at your hesitant expression.

"Did Perturabo make you beg permission to speak to him? Just ask it."

He did, more often than not. You remember more than a few instances.

"Well, he was actually going to be what I wanted to ask about."

You twisted your wrists in your hands, trying to do some sort of fidget to focus on while Dorn had his full attention on you.

"Has he always hated you? The entire time I was in his company, there was always just undertone of pure, seething hatred for you, but whenever I saw you, you didn't seem to even care."

There are a few other Imperial Fists on the bridge, watching as Terra comes into view. You're in the process of getting caught by the planet's orbit and mooring close enough to come down to the surface. You can see the palace already, even from this far, a golden target that is still growing larger with each day.

"Perturabo has always been that way, yes."

Dorn turns to briefly give an order to a questioning Imperial Fist, before returning to you and his explanation.

"He sees competition in my existence. I don't care."

Polux approaches, choosing to stand on your opposing side and wait patiently for his moment to speak. You give him a brief smile as greeting before returning your eyes to his primarch. Dorn looks forward and out the viewport, watching the palace of his design inch closer and closer.

"Sanguinius and Horus' rivalry is even matched. They both find growth from it. Perturabo's rivalry with me is a childish urge to beat me into the ground and prove to everyone that he is better."

You don't disagree with him in even the slightest. Perturabo was always so desperate to beat Dorn above all else, even to the detriment of other facets of his life.

"Despite the fact that he isn't?"

Dorn looks at you fully again, eyebrows raised and you swear, you swear, the inkling of a smile on his face.

"You have spent more time with him than I. Do you think that?" He turns on his heel slightly, armor shifting and clanking against eachother to face you more.

"Do you think The Emperor was right in claiming me Praetorian over him?"

You've been with the Imperial fists for a few months now, and this is far from the first time you've spoken to Dorn. Far more than you ever interacted with Perturabo, despite the fact that Dorn is known for being tight lipped and humorless.

You nod.

"Yes, I do. Perturabo's plans are always so complex, and he hinges them and his entire self worth on being better than you. And when he fails, he sulks." You smile. "I don't imagine you or your sons to be the type to sit and pout if something went wrong. You would all be too busy trying to correct it."

Dorn looks down at you, face as stoic and frozen as you've become quite used to. You don't know entirely what he's thinking, but you don't get a chance to ask before someone else's voice interrupts you.

Polux has a younger astartes walk up to him, stating some information that flows in one ear and out the other for you before walking away. He turns to the both of you, looking two his primarch but referring to the both of you.

"My lord, we are ready to depart for the palace. Is she accompanying us?"

You've never stepped foot on Terra before, to even come into it's orbit is an idea that you could barely handle; Alongside the fact that the primarch and his captains have little need for you there. You gather yourself, preparing to return to the Librarium aboard the ship to continue your work before Dorn's voice stops you in your tracks and sends almost every emotion through you at once.

"She is. Let us go."

Your first time on Terra was going well, in the first hour or so.

Dorn isn't much of a communicator, so he has spent the long of it conversing with his men, giving orders even while not aboard his ship. Either orders given to send back to the Phalanx, or to the Imperial Fists on Terra assisting with the Palace construction. You stand idly by and occasionally draw, or write something down that interests you.

The smoothness stops however, when Dorn looks away abruptly. His sons are confused, before they also perk up not a moment later. You look to Polux, as you know he's the one who will most likely acquiesce to your questions.

"What is it?" You say. He tilts his head vaguely in your direction, but doesn't actually look at you.

"Primarch Perturabo is on his way. He must've heard we had arrived," Polux takes a breath, presumably steeling himself for whatever is to come.

"His... footsteps are quite loud." Not a few more moments later now even you can hear them, and then see him shortly thereafter.

Perturabo storms closer; You can tell by the red flush over his tanned skin, that he is beyond furious.

Dorn looks down at you, and points behind him. His voice leaves no room for question, not as if you would even considering doing so in the first place.

"Go to Vulkan."

The Salamander's primarch had finished speaking to Dorn not long ago, now standing across the massive open area that you presumed served as a training ground for the astartes. You do as your now primarch commands and rush towards him, feeling his eyes on him as you approach.

"I am terribly sorry to bother you Lord Vulkan, but My lord Dorn told me to-" He ushers you closer with a hand, his voice gentle despite his overwhelming size.

"I am well aware of your circumstances, and what is more than likely about to play out. You can stay here with me."

You take refuge close to the Salamander's primarch, both standing and watching as Perturabo confronts Dorn. Multiple of his Imperial Fists straighten up and hold themselves at the ready, prepared to fight for their primarch if it ever be needed.

"Dorn!"

A disrespectful finger points his way, but Dorn pays it no mind. The white fabric of Perturabo's Olympian clothes flow softly and comfortably in the gentle wing, in contrast to the sharp, unforgiving features of his face.

"You think you can just steal from me now? Are you truly so bold now that you're praetorian?"

Dorn only speaks up when Perturabo is close enough that he doesn't have to yell.

"She wanted to leave."

Dorn speaks plainly, bluntly, as if he's just totally uncaring of the conversation.

You've learned over time that Dorn is far from emotionless; He merely doesn't waste it on things he deems pointless. This is pointless, and so he only speaks with the most blunt, monotone voice. It pisses Perturabo off to an unfathomable degree.

To think he was so upset about your departure without his dismissal. He had been nothing but cold and cruel to you, despite the fact that you were merely there to document his legion's progresses.

"I don't care what she wanted. She was indebted to my legion, and I will not tolerate deserters no matter how useless I think they are,"

Perturabo yells. Once his frustration at Dorn is exhausted enough that his attention can be deviated, he turns his gaze to you.

It feels like the gravity of a planet is pushing down onto you, the sheer weight of his anger. Even from so far away. Even the weight of Primarch Vulkan's hand on your shoulder does nothing to shield you from it.

"I hope you heard me, you lying, traitorous little whore. I hope you know I'll wring your neck myself when I catch you."

It takes every bit of energy to avoid crumbling instantly, at the threat of a primarch. Thankfully he leaves shortly after, storming off with the flowing white fabric of his clothes flowing behind him.

Vulkan sighs. You think he said something to reassure you, but you can't hear it over the thumping of your heart in your ears.

"I truly don't think there is much we can do to change him." Corvus- whom you've only just realized was here the entire time with a startle upon hearing his voice - shakes his head.

"His desire to be superior is tripped up at every point by his insufferable personality."

Vulkan looks down at you as an Imperial Fist approaches.

"Are you alright?" He says, and the caring nature of it is a bit overwhelming.

"I, I hope so." Vulkan doesn't laugh, but there is a softness on his face as he smiles at you. Corvus simply watches, and you once again realized that he was there.

"We all know Dorn. He has mentioned you quite a bit,"

"For him," Corvus adds. Vulkan gives him a quick look before turning back to you.

"I do not think he would ever allow anything to happen to you."

The reassurance of a primarch is a feeling next to none; But so it's the threat of one. They both battle in your heart and soul as the Imperial Fist reaches you.

"Lord Dorn is going to have one of us escort you back to the ship."

You nod, looking up to Vulkan to thank him. He simply smiles and speaks before you have a chance to give any gratitude.

"Stay safe, little one."

You follow that Imperial Fist back, before he leaves you on your own close to your quarters. Once you get into them, the door shutting behind you with a hiss, your chest starts to tighten like something has a hold on it.

Every Iron Warrior now likely knows that Perturabo wants your head on a pike. You try to steady your breathing, dumping your papers onto your small desk and sitting on the edge of your bed with a soft thud.

It's getting harder to breath, you swallow a massive knot in your throat. You try to shake your leg, dig your fingers into your palms to stop the feeling, like your heart is going to explode, the thumping of blood in your ears-

It starts to level down after awhile, the room steadies and no longer is spinning. Once that happens, the tears actually start to come, and you keep trying to wipe them away each time a few fall.

You don't regret leaving the Iron Warriors; Olympia. You don't know what Dorn saw in you that was enough for him to offer you a place but you don't regret taking it. His legion's treatment of you compared to your time on Olympia was incomparable, but the petty nature you had witnessed from the primarch was now focused on you; Your betrayal of fleeing to Dorn.

You have your arms wrapped around yourself, tightening them as someone opens your door. Your momentary startle fades when you realize who it is.

It's Dorn. You don't know when his presence stopped being so intimidating, even as a primarch; Perhaps it's the time you've spent with him recently that has gotten you used to him.

"You have been crying."

It would surely be easy to tell- you can still fear the wetness of tears on your face. You take a deep breath and clear your throat to try and speak normally.

"Primarch Perturabo wants my beaten corpse at his feet, and I don't, I don't know what to do-"

He comes closer, face neutral and stoic. You try and contain the emotion on your face.

Stupid, all of it, is what Perturabo would've said to you. You were always a stupid, pointless inconvenience forced upon him. But yet one he was still so upset to see leave.

"I knew very well how he would behave when I offered you a place here. I will not allow him to harm you."

In his own, odd way, the sentence calms you. It's not a lie, it is the utmost truth put into blunt, simple words. You sniffle and unwrap your arms from around yourself, returning to some level of normalcy.

"Thank you..." You say, and Dorn- to your surprise - kneels.

"Do not thank me for something I should do. I put you in this predicament and made you an enemy of him."

Dorn is quiet for a moment. You look at him questioningly, but he doesn't seem to notice. Then suddenly a hand rests heavy on your shoulder, and he leans in to press his lips to yours.

It's only a split second, it's chaste and quick, and he pulls away as a string of spit snaps between you both. You barely even have a chance to process it all; A primarch just kissed you. You had liked him, but you firmly pushed those thoughts from your mind for the sheer absurdity of them.

“You shouldn’t cry.” At first you think he’s telling you not to be weak- To suck it up.

“I, should not have allowed him to speak to you that way. I allowed him to make you cry.”

Crying is nothing; the fact that he has said he would protect you from an enraged primarch that by all intents and purposes you betrayed, is more than worth its weight. You don’t care about the crying.

"I'll be fine. I just needed a minute, and," You laugh. "Hopefully that's the last time I ever see his face." Dorn doesn't smile, but his voice has a gentle tilt of amusement that makes you smile a bit wider.

"I admit I would be jealous of you if that were to be the case."

You don't envy that he will have to continue to deal with Perturabo, especially now that your presence has created a deeper rift. Alongside his duties as Praetorian.

Dorn rises up from his knee and reaches out a hand.

"I am going to speak to my men about progress of the Palace walls. Come with me."

You take his hand, and you expect him to just allow you to pull yourself up, but instead he wraps his fingers around it and holds your hand, guiding you out of your room. He lets go moments after, but the gesture was there none the less.

#primarch x reader #warhammer 40k x reader #rogal dorn x reader #reader #reader insert #mywriting

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morning-star-joy · 2 years ago

Text

there it is again, that funny feeling

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 4

Pairing: rivals to friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Joel leaves after your one-night stand, and you readjust to life returning to normal in Jackson. That is, until he returns a few months later and screws it all up again.

Chapter Warnings: 18+ Descriptions of Depression/PTSD, Inferred Loss of Family Member (Reader), Very Brief Mention of Masturbation (f), Brief References to Previous Smut (Degradation and Praise Mentions), Language

Wordcount: 9.4k

chapter 1 || chapter 3 || chapter 4 || masterlist

ao3 link

Months passed.

Winter turned to spring, and life in Jackson fell back into its comforting monotony.

You returned to your usual routine; patrolling with Tommy, passing time with Dina. Being with them helped the pervasive ache of loneliness as much as it could, but that hollow place carved into your chest was still there; familiar in its weight, and almost a reassurance in a strange, twisted way, even as it dragged you down. Some days were harder than others, but either you were too stubborn, or you had survived for too long to let it drag you along in its merciless claws.

There were names for the monster that lived in the recesses in your mind, names that you knew. Tommy had urged you to see a doctor in the Fireflies before you left—the kind that used to get paid back before the world ended to tell you everything wrong with you as you laid back on a couch, rehashing your trauma for the fifth time in an hour. At least, that was according to what your father once said about them.

Experience told you that he wasn’t too far off with his blunt description, judging from your few visits to that therapist in the Fireflies. Or his judgment wouldn’t have been too far off, if you had actually talked to the doctor. You knew the therapist had access to your record, that they knew exactly what happened, what the reason was for you being there. Because of that, you didn’t really see the point of telling them yourself.

A few hours were spent with blank staring and prodding questions that got that therapist nowhere. Even if you did want their help—which a small part of you did, at least for Tommy’s peace of mind—you had lost faith in that allusive “light in the darkness” the Fireflies claimed to be.

If you had ever believed it in the first place.

You remembered the terms the therapist had thrown at you, labels that they hoped might stick to explain your symptoms and the cause of them; depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder. You appreciated the explanations of the illnesses more than the poking and prodding, the attempts to get you to talk about your feelings.

They had offered a bottle of medication—antidepressants, they called them—to help with your symptoms.

You took it, and left with Tommy the next day.

The medication helped with the worst of your symptoms; the unpredictable panic attacks, the flashbacks that came without warning at a sudden sharp noise. Tommy made sure to always have some available for you, even if it meant going out of his way to do so.

You could get by without it for some stretches of time, but every now and then a bad episode would hit, and you would go back to taking them. If nothing else, it helped ease that heaviness of the hole in your heart, even if just slightly.

Winter was always the hardest, with the harsh reality of death everywhere you looked. Spring brought with it a breath of fresh air, to your mind as well as your lungs. You shed the heavy jacket in favor of a few layers, appreciating the sweet scent of blooming flowers carried on the breeze whenever you stepped foot outside.

You leaned back in the chair on your porch this morning, stretched legs crossing at the ankles as you took another sip of your coffee. Since a few months ago, your supply of coffee had been critically low, and you hadn’t indulged in the caffeine until you were able to replenish your personal stock in recent weeks.

The mug turns with the motion of your hand, your thumb brushing against the ridges of the moose engraving. You pause for a moment, your mind bringing forth a memory you hadn’t thought of in a while.

Memories of Joel Miller had faded along with the chill of winter. There was no reason to fixate on a man you had known for all of one day, a man who you didn’t even know if you would ever see again. The flow of time and the transition of the seasons washed away all thoughts of him, those moments with him that were harder to forget left in your past, a brief scene from the history of your life that nobody knew about except for you. Forgotten, the way that you preferred it to be.

Until you were sitting here now, drinking coffee for the first time in months, the mug he had held in your hands. Suddenly you could remember Joel in vivid detail; the coarse touch of his hands, the clean scent of his freshly washed hair, the sweet release he had given you not once, but twice.

You cleared your throat, shifting in your seat as you hid your blushing face behind another sip of coffee. While you hadn’t given the moment much more than a second thought, the subconscious of your mind didn’t let it go as easily.

It was embarrassing, the amount of times you had woken up from a dream that replayed the brief moment of indulgence you shared with Joel in your kitchen. The amount of times you had tucked your hand beneath your weight, unsatisfied until you could bring yourself to another release that was paltry in comparison to those he had given you.

Your cheeks flushed whenever you awoke fully, shaking the tantalizing memories away in favor of getting ready for your day. Most of those mornings, you ignored the sight of your kitchen as you went to mooch breakfast off of Tommy and Maria instead of making your own.

Tommy was worried. He hid it well, but you knew better, as did Maria. As time went on, he got more restless, distracting himself in preparing for the baby on the way. With Maria farther along, the couple couldn’t hide the pregnancy from the town anymore, but the news had been accepted with excitement and joy. You were sure it helped with morale; a new baby on the way in Jackson, and from the couple that had become pillars of the community.

Any anxiety Tommy displayed in private could easily be explained away as part of Maria’s advancing pregnancy, but the three of you knew the truth, even though nobody dared to say it out loud. No direct mention of Joel ever occurred, and you all pretended that everything was fine, at least for Maria’s sake if nothing else. You knew how she felt about Joel and his history.

You never really understood her opinion on that matter. Tommy was as much of an adult as Joel was when the Outbreak occurred. He made those choices, just as Joel did. Even before that, Tommy was an army vet. His hands were never completely clean of blood. Guilt didn’t discriminate because of ideals; killing in the name of a cause was still murder, a fact you knew well, your own hands too scarred and stained to say otherwise.

Another sip of your coffee brought you out of your thoughts, the bittersweet taste waking you up further. It was still early, your habits of waking up near dawn not shaking off even in the transition to spring. More settlers were awake in the early morning around this time of year, and you nodded amiable greetings to the ones who ambled past your house in the light of dawn.

As you finished off your coffee before going about your day, you spared one last thought towards Joel Miller, and the girl who had traveled with him. You hoped he was still alive for her sake, if not just for Tommy’s.

“Five to five,” you say triumphantly, resting the butt of your rifle on the ground and using it to push yourself to your feet. Tommy scoffs behind you as you send him a self-satisfied smirk and add, “Count your days, old man.”

“You got lucky,” he teased back, but the worry lines that creased between his brow told you his heart wasn’t in it.

A soft sigh escaped you as you swung your rifle strap over your shoulder, watching as Tommy looked over his own rifle before doing the same. His mind was miles away today, making it hard for you to be playfully arrogant about tying with him in your usual contest of who could get more Infected kills.

You walked back through the trees to where you had hitched your horses, casting concerned sideways glances towards your melancholic friend. His silence wasn’t unusual lately, but you had grown to depend on his good natured attitude, so his pensiveness unnerved you.

“Is Maria’s morning sickness getting better?” you asked, attempting a conversation as you reached your horses. You gave your horse a few gentle pats before unhitching them from the tree and mounting. Maybe Maria’s pregnancy symptoms were what was bugging him, though you had an inkling towards the real cause of his mood.

“Hm?” Tommy glanced up at the sound of your voice, processing your question as he mounted his own horse. “Oh, yeah, she’s fine. Doc says there’s nothing to worry about.”

You nodded, watching as the tension in his shoulders didn’t ease even as you started your trip back to Jackson.

Affection makes you weak. It was an indisputable fact you had accepted long ago. You were too bitter, too broken and despondent to believe otherwise. Affection meant either you died, or if you were unlucky, then you were cursed to live long enough to watch the ones you cared about die.

This fact didn’t stop you from caring. It didn’t stop you from being fond of Tommy or Dina, even though you knew better. Even though you knew that that vulnerability might as well be your eventual downfall.

At least you could accept that your role in life was to keep the both of them safe for as long as you were alive to care. And if there really was a god, you would die for them before they died for you.

“Tommy,” you hedged, shifting in your saddle as you tried to figure out how best to broach the topic. “Do you want to talk about—”

“No,” he cut off quickly, his voice hard, adamant in his refusal to ever entertain that line of conversation; the line that led to the unknown fate of whatever might have befallen his brother.

A small nod was the only response you gave, laying the topic to rest as you made the remainder of your short return journey in silence.

Chirps of songbirds that nested amongst the emerald leaves growing back on trees were soon drowned out by the rushing of waterfalls, and a thud echoed as your horse jumped down from one ledge to another. You and Tommy cut through an abandoned gas station that had been mercilessly reclaimed by nature, its building crumbling under the deceptive beauty of ivy. Soon you emerged from the thick trees, winding up on the clear beaten path back to the gates of Jackson.

Tommy was still far away, his thoughts with wherever his brother had ended up. Once you were safely through the gates you sighed, slipping out of your saddle so you could stretch your legs and lead your animal companion back to the stables by the reins.

You opened your mouth to say something to Tommy, to try and bring his wandering mind back to the present somehow, when you were interrupted by a shout of his name from down the street.

A glance towards the noise revealed one of your fellow patrolmen, Bonnie, jogging past some curious residents to meet the two of you at the gate. You tensed, the pessimism you had learned from a hard life of survival bracing you for the bad news you expected her to deliver.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked as he swiftly dismounted his horse, meeting Bonnie as she stopped in front of him. “Did something happen on your patrol? Is it Maria?”

The increasing panic in Tommy’s voice set you even more on edge. You eyed Bonnie warily as she struggled to catch her breath from running to meet him.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” she dismissed with a wave of her hand. Bonnie straightened from where she had placed her hands on her knees to try and catch her breath, and when she finally faced Tommy fully, a grin broke out on her face. “It’s your brother.”

You blinked, the mention of Joel catching you off guard, as you had skirted around any reference to him both around Tommy and in your own mind for months. Your thoughts take a turn for the worst, immediately wondering if you were finally going to receive news of his untimely death. But Bonnie had said nothing bad had happened, and a bright smile was on her face now, so what—

“He’s back.”

Everything froze for a moment.

Then, a huff of air escaped Tommy, the sound filled with relief as all the months of worrying about the worst for his brother finally broke with the knowledge that Joel was not only alive and safe, but he was here.

“What about the girl?” you found yourself asking, focusing back on Bonnie. “Ellie?”

Bonnie gave a nod of confirmation, speaking to you like she only just realized you were there.

“Yeah, she’s here too.”

You relaxed, relieved now that Joel had stayed alive for the kid, while keeping her safe and sound.

Tommy glanced back at you, a tentative grin threatening to break across his features that had been somber for months. You knew he wouldn’t allow himself to fully relax until he saw his brother with his own two eyes, and you returned his smile with a small one of your own as you took his horse’s reins in your hand with your own horse’s.

“Go,” you said softly with a jerk of your head towards Bonnie. “I’ll get these two back and taken care of.”

“You sure?” Tommy asked, but his feet were already moving forward before you even finished speaking. You laughed softly at his eagerness, too fond of him to entertain the envy that hung heavy in the hollows of your heart.

“Go,” you urged again, shaking your head affectionately as he turned his attention to Bonnie and barraged her with questions about where Joel was, where he had been, and if he was hurt.

Most of the nonstop questions Bonnie didn’t have the answer to, and you watched her lead Tommy towards the residential streets of Jackson before turning and making your way to the stables, gently urging the horses along behind you.

You took turns grooming and feeding each of the horses, ensuring they were well-taken care of before closing their gates and walking out of the building back into the warm spring breeze. The sweet scent of daffodils on the wind that caressed your face was comforting, even as you felt yourself filled with a strange sense of anxiety.

Joel Miller returning was not an eventuality you had taken into consideration. As the days after he left had turned into weeks, then into months, you had buried the memory of his face and touch in the cold earth of winter, a grave to be forgotten by time. But now spring had arrived, rebirth had taken the place of death, and the memory of Joel had clawed its way out of the crypt.

Your feet shifted, restless from the knowledge that he was back in Jackson, not knowing what to do with it. You glanced towards the direction you knew Tommy and Maria’s house was in, before you shook your head and started the familiar walk back to your own house.

While you knew Joel in an…intimate way, for lack of a better term, the man was still basically a stranger. You couldn’t imagine he would appreciate you intruding on the moment of reunion between him and Tommy. Those moments between family were rare nowadays, and you respected their privacy, as envious of it as you were.

Your footsteps echoed down your hallway as you closed the door of your house behind you, greeted by nothing but still, empty air. It may as well still be winter in here, you thought as you kicked your boots off.

Maybe I should get a dog or something, you mused as you collapsed onto your couch, pulling your feet underneath you. A pet might help with the ache of loneliness.

Your seat left you with a direct view into your kitchen, and you stared at the counter for a few seconds too long before shifting to face the other way.

For a moment you pondered whether you regretted that indulgence, those few short minutes of fulfilling a carnal desire with Joel. But you knew you didn’t. However you thought of that man, that moment of release, however fleeting it was, was something you needed. To just let go, to be free of the ghosts that haunted your mind in exchange for the chase of pleasure; to not have to think as you satisfied a base instinct with a complete stranger.

You sighed, pulling your knees up to hug them to your chest. You didn’t regret it now, but maybe you would the next time you inevitably came face to face with the older brother of your closest friend.

The man you had fucked in your kitchen.

Shit, this wasn’t going to be easy.

Two weeks passed before you saw Joel Miller again.

It was almost laughable, how well you seemed to be avoiding each other—assuming Joel was going out of his way to not run into you as much you were with him; which he probably wasn’t, gathering by how impassive he had seemed just from the one day you had known him.

You kept telling yourself it didn’t matter, that you shouldn’t care this much because surely he fucking didn’t. One-night stands were normal, healthy even. You were both adults, the eventual second meeting you were bound to have didn’t have to be awkward.

For a while you began to wonder if there would ever even be a second meeting, or if you had hallucinated Bonnie telling Tommy that Joel and Ellie had returned. But Tommy’s renewed good attitude convinced you it wasn’t a dream, and even if it didn’t, the chatter about the new arrivals that circulated the town was impossible to ignore.

Everybody in Jackson seemed obsessed with Joel and Ellie; from the mystery that shrouded their initial appearance and eventual return, to how well they had not only assimilated to life in Jackson, but contributed to it.

You found evidence of that impact as you checked the notice board for the location of your next scheduled patrol with Tommy. You searched the list, finding his name and scanning to your assigned trail before you stopped, realizing the letters you had skimmed over did not spell your name.

It was a bit embarrassing how long you had stared at the name listed next to Tommy’s for patrol. You didn’t move until another patrolman walked up, breaking your attention with their small talk as they checked their own post.

Joel, you looked at the name assigned to patrol with Tommy again before you looked for your own assignment, finding your name next to Mike’s for the Elk Creek patrol route.

Fucking Mike, you had thought with spite as you turned on your heel, bidding your chattering fellow patrolmen a stiff farewell before walking towards one of the dining halls. Hardass, can-never-take-a-goddamn-joke Mike.

You told yourself it was a one time thing as you walked through the doors of a building where you could get a hot meal, and maybe even a drink to distract yourself. You tried to convince yourself that you would be back to patrolling with Tommy, continuing your familiar, never-ending contest of who could get more Infected kills in no time.

In the back of your mind, you knew that was a lie.

Distracted by your own thoughts, you almost didn’t notice him as you walked to the bar to order food and a much-needed drink. But the flash of a strong face framed by gray-tinted hair caught the attention of your subconscious, your head turning to see him seated further down the bar.

And there he was, Joel fucking Miller in all his glory.

Not very glorious, you thought as you watched him grip his spoon, eating his stew in that same nearly aggressive way you had seen when he first visited Jackson months ago. He had seemed to be almost more myth than man in recent weeks, as you realized you had heard the name Joel Miller and learned of his deeds through others more than you had spent time in his actual presence.

Even with him seated down the bar from you, it was hard to believe that moment you had shared, the minutes you had both shed all inhibitions for the tempting allure of release you could only find in sex.

Joel looked up from his bowl, impenetrable brown gaze meeting yours as if he could feel you watching him. Though his face was blank, thoughts inscrutable as he looked at you, everything you had tried so hard to forget for months all came rushing back to you in an instant. You were held captive to the memory of his voice whispering filthy things in your ear, his strong hands holding your hips steady, his rough fingertips digging into your thighs as he fucked you into the sweet bliss of an orgasm.

You swallowed thickly, hating how quickly and vividly you remembered it all. It hadn’t been that hard to forget after he had left, the memory buried into the subconscious of your mind so far that usually only a dream could drag it out.

But now Joel was back, the same enigma you had met months ago, unreadable eyes locked with yours as his chewing slowed. You wondered what he was thinking, if he was remembering what you had done together just as clearly as you were. But his emotions were just as guarded, intentions just as obscured as they were before, even as you kept observing each other.

After a moment that felt prolonged, but in reality probably only lasted a few seconds, he looked back down at his food, and your eyes quickly darted away. The bartender was standing on the other side of the counter, looking at you expectantly when you turned back. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment as you realized he was probably trying to take your order while you had been busy ogling Joel.

“Oh, uh,” you cleared your throat, fingers flexing against the counter as you tapped a nervous rhythm against it. “Could I just get a sandwich to go—”

The sound of your name being called interrupted you, and you turned with a held-back sigh to see Tommy walking towards you, grinning from ear to ear. You forced what you hoped was a matching smile on your face, and apparently your friend didn’t notice it was more akin to a grimace as he clapped a hand down on your shoulder.

“What are you ordering a sandwich for?” Tommy scoffed, steering you further down the bar with the hand still on your shoulder. “Come on, eat with us.”

You winced internally, mouth opening to try and stammer out unconvincing protests even as Tommy pushed you down into a seat near Joel.

Fucking fantastic, you thought as Tommy sunk down into the seat between the two of you. At least you didn’t have to sit next to Joel, your only saving grace being the beaming face of your closest friend that blocked his brother from your view.

His brother, the man who you had a quick one-night stand with.

Goddammit.

“I was almost done, actually,” Joel muttered without looking at either of you, and Tommy sent him a dirty look only a brother would be capable of.

“Then eat slower,” he said, like the solution was simple and Joel was either stupid or blind for not seeing it. Tommy turned back to the bartender with a grin to order some stew for himself and for you.

After the order was made, Tommy’s hands clapped together, his smile endearing in its eagerness as he looked between you and Joel sitting stiffly on either side of him.

“I’m glad you were both here,” he said as he leaned back, as if to give you and Joel a clear view of each other, even though you were both looking anywhere else. “I realized I never really got a chance to introduce you before.”

You glanced around the room as Joel continued to stare blankly into his bowl. Neither of you said anything as Tommy continued to look back and forth between you expectantly.

“Uh,” Tommy coughed, hesitating in the awkwardness. He slapped a hand on Joel’s back, making the man jolt forward and glare at his younger brother. “This is my big brother, Joel. Joel, this is—”

“I know who she is,” Joel interrupted curtly, and you froze at the dismissive tone as Tommy frowned in confusion.

When that confusion was directed back towards you, you plastered what you hoped was an easy smile on your face, quickly explaining away Joel’s knee-jerk unenthusiastic reaction the best you could.

“You know, the dam. I loaned him some guns,” you said casually with a shrug, hoping Tommy would buy it.

“Oh, that’s right,” Tommy nodded to himself, smoothing out his mustache with his fingers as he seemed to follow your line of thought. You shot Joel a glare when Tommy wasn’t looking at you, which the gruff survivor pointedly ignored.

“Well, this girly here has been my right-hand for quite some time now,” Tommy added, beaming in your direction, and you softened slightly as you smiled fondly back at him. “Don’t know where I’d be without her.”

Even though you and Tommy had an amicable atmosphere between you, Joel seemed to stiffen from it. He took a large bite of his stew, eating it quickly before standing abruptly.

“Right. Well, seeing as I’m done now—”

“Sit back down, you old hardass,” Tommy chastised as he grabbed Joel’s arm and tugged him back down, causing Joel to stumble into his seat again. “Our mama taught us better than to leave the table before everybody is finished.”

Joel glowered at Tommy, a look the younger brother purposefully ignored as your bowls of stew were placed down in front of you. Tommy dug right in without a second thought, even as you pushed the food in your bowl around with your spoon.

Despite your better judgment, your gaze slowly slid over to where Joel sat hunched forward, his forearms braced against the counter with his hands clasped together. His jaw ticked as soon as your eyes landed on him, your hand that was on your lap gripping the fabric of your pants when he looked at you from the corner of his eye.

I knew you were a slut from the first moment I set eyes on you.

Your spoon clattered against your bowl as the words suddenly rang through your head, the sound of metal hitting metal making you jump as you startled from the heated memory of that morning in your kitchen back to the present.

“You good?” you heard Tommy ask, and you nodded as you began to quickly shovel food into your mouth, wanting to get this moment over with as soon as possible.

That’s it. Good girl.

You nearly choked on your food as the filthy words echoed in your mind again, but you forced the food down your throat before taking another bite. Joel’s gaze was heavy on you, a sensation that was only making your memories more vivid.

This was so fucking stupid. You were an adult, you could deal with facing somebody you had a one-night stand with again without losing your cool.

“So, did you two get to know each other very well?”

This time you did choke, the unexpected question from Tommy causing you to swallow wrong. You coughed as Tommy glanced at you in concern, pushing a glass of water towards you that you gladly accepted.

When your throat was still scratchy but you could speak again, you opened your mouth to try and give an answer convincing enough that Tommy wouldn’t notice the weird energy between you and his brother any more than he already had.

“We—”

“Not at all,” Joel drawled, and your gaze slowly slid towards him at the contemptuous words that slipped so easily off his tongue.

He was taking a slow sip of his own water, not looking at you even as your startled stare began to turn into a resentful glower, your face heating up in embarrassment despite yourself.

After a moment, Joel glanced at you, face completely impassive as he regarded you for only a second before looking away. The dismissive glance successfully shattered through the haze of lustful memories that surrounded him. Anger began to rise, and you fought to keep it down, to try to hold together the pieces of your dignity.

You were adults, you reminded yourself. One night-stands meant nothing. It didn’t bother you that he was denying any hint of what you did together; you had been about to do so yourself. Joel’s indifference wasn’t the issue. You had expected his apathy, had even wished for it. A wish for life in Jackson to continue as it always had, even with him now living there.

But in that moment, you realized that this went past simple indifference. Joel had looked at you in the same way he did when you first met; like you were just some bothersome nuisance or, even worse, like you were beneath him. Like you were just some tiresome, persistent stain on his new life in Jackson.

Asshole, you thought bitterly. Your hands curled into fists, jaw clenching as you went back to scarfing down your stew in silence. You intentionally ignored Tommy’s confused gaze darting between the two of you on either side of him, shoveling food in your mouth to keep yourself from saying anything biting to Joel that you might regret.

Despite feeling that same initial distaste you had for Joel again, his enigmatic presence a few seats down from you felt almost impossible to ignore, even as he disregarded you with apparent ease. In the back of your mind, you slowly began to realize that a part of you was still drawn to him, even though you were clearly just a mistake he had made.

And that made the situation all the more infuriating.

Your spoon clattered into your empty bowl as you finished your food. Pushing yourself up out of the seat, you couldn’t resist the strength of your stubborn pride that urged you to send a bitter smile towards Joel.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch paint dry,” you said slowly, your voice dripping with poorly concealed disdain.

Tommy’s mouth gaped open as you turned, not casting another glance behind you. You passed by the bartender as they walked down the bar with a wrapped sandwich in hand. You heard them say it was for Ellie, followed by the rough Southern drawl that thanked them, but you were already out the doors before you could hear the end of the conversation.

Bastard, you thought furiously, determined to never spend another moment in Joel Miller’s presence as you stalked back to the empty home that awaited you.

The second time you saw Joel Miller again was no better than the first.

“Hey,” a voice to your side pulled your head out of the clouds; the delicate, ethereal puffs of white floating through the bright blue sky above.

You turned your head to see Dina looking down at you in concern from where she sat cross-legged next to you.

“Hm?” you hummed, raising an eyebrow in question. The apprehensive frown on her face deepened.

“You okay?” she asked quietly, her voice softer than usual, like she was trying not to spook you.

Pushing yourself up from where you were lying back in the grass, you gave her a bright smile, trying to alleviate her worries. You hated when Dina worried about you, because that wasn’t her job. She was still a kid, and she deserved to have the best childhood she could have while that time was still left. It wasn’t her responsibility to make sure you were okay—that was your responsibility to her.

“Yeah, ‘course,” you said confidently. The way her frown didn’t ease told you she didn’t believe you, and you quickly interrupted her with the first thing you could think of before she could continue to press you for the truth. “Uh, that bastard!”

Dina blinked, her concern giving way to confusion at your blurted curse.

“What?” she asked blankly, staring at you now like you had just grown two heads. Her tone took on a more typical teasing tone as she asked slowly, “Did you just have a stroke?”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head with a laugh that carried on the warm spring breeze that brushed past you.

“Jesse, right?” you said lightly, and Dina groaned as she flopped backwards onto the grass. You waved your hand around like you were dismissing just the thought of him as you added, “We hate him, he’s a bastard, all that.”

“No!” Dina protested, her arms lifting into the air, like a signal she was giving up on explaining her roller-coaster adolescent relationship to you. “We don’t hate him!”

“But you broke up,” you replied slowly, drawing out the words as if it would help her understand you better. Dina rolled her eyes, her gaze so incredibly unamused at your lack of ability to keep up as she glared at you.

“No, we’re back together again!” she said in exasperation as she smacked you in the arm, and you pulled back your arm to rub it with a fake pout.

“Oh shit, really?” Even though you were confused about what was going on in the apparently very complicated love life of your young friend, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. The topic of Jesse had been successful in turning the conversation away from the question of if you were alright.

Because you weren’t, but she didn't have to know that.

“Yes! God, you don’t listen to me.” Dina pouted as she turned onto her side so she was facing away from you, and you sighed with a roll of your eyes.

“I’m sorry I can’t keep up with your crazy teenage love story,” you teased as you leaned back on the palms of your hands, squinting back up at the few remaining clouds that drifted lazily through the sky. “‘Will they, won’t they’ gets a little old after the first few hundred times.”

A swift kick to your leg makes you recoil, yelling in overexaggerated pain as you glare jokingly at the girl who attacked you.

“Does Jesse know you beat up people in your spare time?” you accuse as you try to lightly kick her back, but she quickly rolls out of the way to dodge your swinging leg. You smiled in approval, glad to see she was learning from the combat lessons she had pestered you into giving her.

“Only that I'm teaching old people a lesson,” Dina teased back as she stuck her tongue out, and you snickered at the comeback.

You were about to call her a little shit, your favorite term of endearment, when she turned away, her eyes lighting up at something she saw. Dina sat up quickly, waving a hand over her head with a bright grin.

“Hey Ellie!”

You turned, seeing the girl who Dina had called out to walking down the path that went past where you and Dina were lounging in the grass. You hadn’t seen Ellie yet since her return, and your hand lifted in your own wave as you offered a kind smile as a greeting.

Ellie hesitated, an awkward, tentative smile flickering onto her face before she returned the greeting with a small wave of her own. She turned, delivering an elbow into the side of the person beside her, and you held back a sigh as you noticed who was walking with her.

Of course, you thought bitterly to yourself, lowering your hand to rest on the grass again, your friendly smile dropping as you looked at Joel. He was glaring half-heartedly at Ellie, affronted by the jab to his ribs, before he turned back and nodded in greeting towards you and Dina.

You really tried to hold back the scoff at his begrudging acknowledgement, but a small noise of disapproval still escaped your lips. It appeared that only Dina heard it, the girl sending you a sidelong glance like she was regarding your strange behavior before looking back at Ellie with another charming grin.

“Ellie, this is—”

“Oh, we’ve met,” Ellie interrupted Dina’s introduction of you. Her smile was still small, still hesitant as she looked back at you. “Uh, what’s up?”

“You know,” you responded, one of your shoulders lifting in a shrug as you smiled back at Ellie. You ignored the urge to look towards Joel’s commanding presence at her side, even as you felt him watching you. “Surviving.”

“She means her life is boring,” Dina stage-whispered behind her hand, and you glared at her. “She doesn’t know how to have any fun.”

“Hey, you don’t gotta out me in front of the newbies,” you teased her as you ruffled her dark, meticulously styled hair, much to Dina’s over dramatic protest.

Your laughter was joined by Dina’s as she whacked your hand, causing you to playfully cower in mock pain. Glancing back at the sound of another quiet laugh, you saw that Ellie’s smile had grown, her eyes lighting up a bit more as she watched you and Dina joke around.

The Ellie you were meeting now seemed much different than the one you had first met last winter. She was a stubborn spitfire when she visited Jackson months ago; a headstrong force to be reckoned with, resolute in her path and not backing down to any obstacles in the way to her goals. But now she seemed to be a sadder, more subdued version of herself.

Just what had happened after she and Joel had left?

You glanced back at Joel at the thought, startled when you saw his gaze was already on you. He looked away quickly when your eyes met, scanning over the small, grassy park area you and Dina were sitting in. Your eyebrow raised at his attention that he quickly averted when you caught him staring.

What, now he was acknowledging your existence?

Dina peeked at you again, her eyes glittering with mischief as a smile you didn’t understand grew on her face. She bounced to her feet, ignoring your look of confusion as she cheerfully bounded over to grab Ellie's hand.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” she said excitedly as she ran in another direction away from you, tugging a bewildered Ellie behind her.

Ellie’s stammers of protest were cut off by Dina’s excitement, who only called back towards you that they would be back in a bit when you and Joel called out the names of your respective prodigies.

When they got too far away to hear your protests anymore, you rubbed a hand over your face with a sigh of exasperation.

“Great,” you muttered, pushing yourself to your feet and wiping the grass stains off of your hands. Annoyance took a hold of you, because now you were stuck with…

“What was that?”

Your gaze narrowed as you turned to the source of the quiet baritone at your side. The irritating sight of Joel’s dark eyebrow arched towards you, clearly a show of silent judgment of your mumbling, nearly made your blood boil.

For just one selfish moment, you let that spite get the better of you. You glanced over both your shoulders behind you before turning back to Joel, a hand placed on your chest as you feigned a look of surprise.

“Who, me?” you gasped over dramatically, taking a page in theatrics out of Dina’s book.

Joel’s raised brow dropped, his mouth setting in a firm line as he glared at you. Clearly displeased at your childish antics, but you didn’t stop yet.

“I’m sorry,” your words were slowly turning from fake shock to a lower tone, one that showed your festering bitterness towards the man. “I wasn’t aware that we were acknowledging each other now.”

Joel shook his head as he turned away from you, arms crossing over the flannel shirt he wore. He leaned back on the balls of his feet, as if he wanted to walk away, but you knew he wouldn’t. Not when Ellie wasn’t back by his side yet.

You took a moment to watch him as he looked towards the teenagers, feeling a bit less resentful towards the surly survivor when you noticed that his face seemed much softer when regarding Ellie now. Whatever had happened on their trip, it appeared that he had gotten over whatever was making him act so coldly towards her. His fondness for her was clear now, both in the way he furrowed his brow and how his eyes held a hint of worry as he kept a close watch on her.

"What?"

You blinked, realizing Joel had spoken directly to you, even as he kept watching Ellie laughing while Dina held out a butterfly on her finger. Both girls were smiling and giggling, and a fond smile grew on your own face as you watched Dina talk to Ellie so easily, while Ellie seemed more shy as her cheeks began to turn a light, almost unnoticeable pink.

“How is she adjusting?” you asked quietly, unable to shake the genuine concern you felt for Ellie’s shift in personality that you had witnessed earlier.

“Fine,” Joel replied shortly, his tone firm and telling you this wasn’t really a topic of discussion, and you backed off from continuing the conversation. Even though Joel annoyed you, you wouldn’t pry into his private life. He was still a stranger, and you had nothing to do with his relationship with Ellie. Clearly they meant something to each other, seeing as they were back in Jackson together now.

Another stretch of quiet passed, as you and Joel stood by each other’s side while also trying to ignore the fact that you were standing by each other’s side.

It was annoying how magnetic the man was, even as the renewed tension between the two of you felt more similar to the antagonistic atmosphere you had when you first met him. You were beginning to realize that Joel just had that aura about him; the commanding presence of a man who you did not want to fuck with, because you probably wouldn’t live to tell the tale if you did.

Your gaze is drawn back to him for a moment, eyes tracing the lines of his face when you notice a scar near his hairline. Looked like it was from a bullet graze, you mused as you felt a phantom pain on your own cheek from where you had a similar scar.

And therein lies what might be the most annoying thing about Joel Miller.

That you might be a lot more alike than you cared to admit.

Your gaze is drawn back to the girls who were as they watched the butterflies resting on some white carnations. The sight of their innocent girlhood warmed the chill in your heart, and you hoped that Dina’s infectious cheerful attitude could help draw Ellie back out of whatever melancholia she had fallen into.

“Is she your sister?” Joel finally broke the silence, nodding towards where Dina playfully nudged Ellie’s shoulder with her own, the two laughing without a care in this dark world, at least in this moment.

You froze.

In a sudden flash, Dina wasn’t standing there anymore. Neither was Ellie. The flowers and butterflies, the cheerful sunny day in Jackson, were all gone.

Standing a few feet away from you was a young girl, splashing in a puddle. Her feet stomped and kicked, gleeful laughter escaping her from the joy of whatever game she was playing. You heard your own voice call out her name even as your lips didn’t move, and the girl looked up at you, bright eyes and a brighter smile on a familiar face.

You blinked rapidly, the image in your mind’s eye disappearing as quickly as it came. A breath is sucked in sharply through your nose, your hands clenched into fists from where you had placed them inside the pockets of your lightweight jacket.

The face of the girl was gone, and Dina was smiling at Ellie again in her place. Your eyes flickered over the scene, trying to bring yourself back to the present.

Flowers and butterflies. Cheerful sunny day. Jackson.

You breathed in through your nose again, settling your nerves and the tumultuous storm of emotions that raged inside your fragile heart as you let the breath out through your mouth.

“No,” you said quietly, answering Joel’s question when you could finally register his presence at your side once more.

He said nothing, but you could see him watching you closely out of the corner of your eye, just as much as you could feel the weight of his gaze on you.

Even if he had wanted to say something, he didn’t get the chance as Ellie and Dina finally returned. You quickly wiped your face free of any expression that could show your inner turmoil as Dina bounced up to you. A grin fell easily into place as you threw an arm loosely around her shoulder, bidding Joel and Ellie farewell and heading to the nearest place you could get a bite to eat when Dina claimed to be starving.

You could feel a heavy gaze on your back as you walked away, but you ignored it.

More time passed.

Patrols didn’t carry the same comfort that they used to as you continued to rotate partners; Mike, Astrid, Eugene and eventually Jesse, when the teenager convinced Maria and Tommy that he was old enough and skilled enough to start patrolling.

Never Tommy, though. While you still spent a good amount of your free time with your fellow ex-Firefly, his patrols had been exclusively with Joel since the older man’s return to Jackson. Everything you heard about the brothers’ patrols was nothing short of glowing praise. The pair had taken on more dangerous routes, clearing out Infected and the occasional bandits in areas you hadn’t dared to venture out to before.

They were Maria’s go-to pair for the more intense jobs, and Eugene and Jesse became your more permanent partners. You didn’t mind the presence of either; you knew Eugene well from your shared history in the Fireflies, and the older man never failed to make you laugh with his never-ending supply of wise-crack jokes.

Jesse, you were hesitant to work with at first. You knew the teen at least through association with Dina, having heard much from your young friend about their rickety on-and-off relationship. You were protective of Dina, and that made you treat Jesse distantly, regarding him with judgment until he quickly proved himself not only with his combat skills, but with the fondness he spoke of Dina with.

He wasn’t the worst choice for her, you decided, even as you noticed the way Dina looked at Ellie when she couldn’t be caught staring, and vice-versa. Your heart warmed at how close the girls had become since Ellie had returned to Jackson, either quickly overcoming their awkward initial meeting, or having completely forgotten about it—at least by Ellie.

You didn’t know what had happened to Ellie on her travels with Joel, but you could tell that the fire in her that once burned brightly was smaller than before. There were still hints of mischief in her eyes, even though they were more somber than before.

Over time, and through her friendship with Jesse and Dina, along with a few other kids in Jackson, you saw more of the Ellie you had met last winter. You were glad that she could still have some semblance of a remaining childhood in Jackson, even after whatever had occurred in the months between your meetings with her.

Tommy never told you much about where Joel and Ellie had traveled to, or why they had gone, beyond the basics: Ellie had some kind of connection to the Fireflies, and Joel was trying to make sure she got to them safely. Ellie’s persistent interest in the Fireflies when she was speaking to you finally made sense at that small portion of information, even though you didn’t know the reason she was going to them.

It was a question you still didn’t have an answer to, but you didn’t pry, even though you were curious. You already knew more than most, after all. Everybody else just thought Joel and Ellie were survivors that had traveled far to be where Joel’s older brother could help them have a chance at a normal life. Besides, it wasn’t really your business what their past was; having secrets were a luxury few could afford nowadays, and you respected that.

Even though you were jealous of Joel being Tommy’s new patrol partner, and despite your…annoyance with the man’s personality, there was no real reason for you to dislike Joel. The two of you could be perfectly tolerant of each other when you needed to be; mainly in those moments when you both were in the same room as Tommy and he was glancing between the two of you, watching your short greetings and few words exchanged with a furrow between his brow.

If he thought anything was off about the way his closest friend and older brother spoke with each other, he didn’t say anything about it. You figured Tommy probably dismissed it as the butting of strong personalities, writing it off as two natures that were discordant with each other.

He wasn’t wrong, really. You knew that there had always been a tension between you and Joel since you first met. It had been a mutual annoyance at first, even before it had morphed into a frustrating sexual tension. The former feeling had reappeared whenever you had to deal with Joel now, and if the latter was still present as well, you were in pretty strong denial of its existence.

It’s not like you ever had the time to really think about it much. No reason existed for you to ever spend time with Joel without Tommy’s presence, and even those few moments were cut short by either you or Joel finding some reason or another to make a quick exit.

That was until Maria gave birth, effectively cutting Tommy out of his patrol duties.

You stood shockingly still, staring at the patrol route listing on the notice board, as if willing the letters to rearrange before your eyes and give you a different partner.

Any other partner, you thought to yourself. But when you blinked, the name listed with yours hadn’t changed by some kind of nonexistent magic like you had been wishing for. As if the universe had ever listened to your pleas in the first place.

For once, you found yourself wishing for hardass, can-never-take-a-goddamn-joke Mike to be your patrol partner. You would have taken even him over Joel Miller.

Mike’s presence may be just as stiff and stoic, but being with him held none of the annoying, persistent tension that still hovered in the air between you and Joel. Calling it awkward was a vast understatement, and you were sure that strain would put either one or both of you in danger if you patrolled together.

That was the reason you now found yourself standing in Tommy’s living room, arguing with the man about the assignment even as he looked up at you with the tiredness only a new parent could feel. He said your name in an exhausted tone, and although you felt bad for pestering him, you were nothing if not persistent.

“Tommy,” you interrupted by speaking his own name, “if you want your brother and I to patrol together, I hope you’re okay with the fact that only one of us might return.”

Your friend sighed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face as he leaned forward. The dark circles under his eyes enhanced the wrinkles on his weathered skin, and suddenly he looked much older than you had ever seen him.

“I know that for whatever reason, you and Joel don’t get along,” Tommy started, steering away from the question of why as you gave him a hard look that warned him not to ask. “But you are the most skilled patrolmen we got here in Jackson. Nobody else can do that route except for the two of you.”

“Oh, so now you see my skill,” your voice was dripping with a harsh sarcasm that stemmed from ugly jealousy as you bit back, “after weeks of sticking me with anybody but you.”

Tommy shifted in his seat, sighing heavily as he rested his palms on his legs. He didn’t deny your statement, something that only made you more frustrated as you chewed the inside of your cheek and looked away. Even though you were annoyed, the sight of his exhaustion was slowly sapping the fight out of you, and you sighed.

“I know Joel is good at what he does,” you finally assent, your voice quieter after a moment of collecting yourself. You didn’t want to snap at Tommy, not when he was this tired, and not when he was the only family you had left. Your voice was notably more vulnerable as you added, “But that doesn’t mean you had to cut me out.”

“I’m not cutting you out,” Tommy said softly, looking up at you with a face as earnest as his words. “It’s just that Maria—”

“Yeah,” you interrupted, knowing where this was going as you finally sank into the plush couch cushion next to Tommy. “Yeah, I know.”

Maria thought in tactics, seeing into the future that Jackson needed in a way that even you and Tommy couldn’t. You knew she had the best intentions for the settlement in mind, and that the progress Tommy and Joel made together was indisputable. Joel was a force to be reckoned with, able to go in guns blazing if he needed to, while you preferred to stay back from a distance.

You and Tommy were the same that way, your preferred style of combat allowing for your sniping contest and a good amount of security for Jackson. But Tommy and Joel complemented each other, balancing each other’s fighting style in a way that ensured they got the hardest work possible done, making the most progress for Jackson’s safety.

Stillness fell upon the living room as you both took a moment to just breathe. Your gaze was drawn to the small memorial shrine above the fireplace, the burnt down candles and names you saw every time you visited the house, along with the years they had lived.

You didn’t know who they were, and you had never asked. It had always felt wrong, to pry into something so personal. The sight of those short lifespans sobered you, erasing your bitterness as you slowly let your selfish anger towards the situation go. Tommy and Maria had a child now, and they were just ensuring they had the full life they deserved inside the safety of Jackson’s walls.

“You could have been working with Joel by now, if the two of you didn’t hate each other so much.”

A laugh escaped you as Tommy broke the silence, the sound tired as you closed your eyes, tilting your head back to rest on the top of the couch.

“Hate is too strong a word,” you murmur, not liking how similar the intense feeling of hatred was to the short-lived passion you had once shared with Joel.

After giving in to the assignment and bidding farewell to Tommy when the baby started crying again—my turn, the man had said before hastily bounding up the stairs to help his wife—you realized he was right. Given how similar your fighting style was to Tommy’s, you would be able to fall into step beside Joel without a problem.

That was, if the two of you didn’t tear each other’s heads off first.

#joel x reader #joel miller x reader #joel x f!reader #joel x female reader #a stranger's heart series

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paradox-valleyy · 19 days ago

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Lost and Found

Pre-canon rdr 2 x Teen!fem!oc

Prologue | Chapter 1

Word count: 2,8k

Note: I don’t know if anyone will actually like this, but I tried to do something new.

Summer, 1895, Western America

The midday sun scorched the earth beneath its relentless heat, a blinding gold disk high in the pale blue sky. Even the wind had given up, leaving the streets of the small western town dry and desolate. A fine layer of dust clung to everything, swirling briefly in the occasional stir of movement but settling back quickly. Horses shuffled lazily in front of saloons and shops, flicking their tails to ward off flies. A dog lay panting in the shade of a porch, barely lifting its head as a boy walked by.

Joel was twelve—maybe. He didn’t know exactly, well that’s what he told everyone around her. Since actually, Joel was Jolene, a 15-year-old girl, who hid her identity to make surviving easier. She trudged down the town’s narrow main street, her head low but her eyes alert, scanning for anything or anyone that might pose a threat. Or an opportunity. Her light brown eyes, sharp despite their weariness, flicked from person to person, catching glimpses of tired faces under wide-brimmed hats, leather boots caked in dust, and the occasional glint of coins as men passed money over to shopkeepers or into saloon bartenders’ hands.

The girl’s stomach growled audibly. She hadn’t eaten in two days—three, maybe—and hunger gnawed at her like a desperate animal. Her body was all wiry limbs and bones, stretched too thin by starvation. Her skin, tan from the harsh sun, was smeared with dirt, and her short-cropped light blonde hair stuck to her forehead in sweat-soaked clumps. She wore a pair of trousers several sizes too big, cinched at the waist with a fraying length of twine, and a torn shirt that hung loosely off her small frame. Her torn boots dragged along, accustomed to the rough ground.

The scar across her face was old, though it still itched sometimes, stretching from the center of her forehead down through her right brow, ending just above her eyelid. People often asked about it, wondering how she’d gotten it, but Jolene never offered explanations. Out here, survival spoke louder than words.

Her path brought her to the general store, a worn building with weather-beaten signs and dusty windows. The storekeeper was an old man with a calm demeanor, but Jolene had learned long ago how to be invisible in places like this. She could slip in, slip out, and no one would be any wiser.

The girl pushed the door open, a bell above it jingling softly as she stepped inside. The cool, stale air of the store washed over her, a brief respite from the oppressive heat outside. Shelves lined the walls, stocked with everything from canned goods to tools, clothing to medicine. Jolene’s eyes went immediately to the counter, where the shopkeeper, Johnson, sat hunched over a ledger, muttering under his breath as he tallied numbers.

Jolene approached slowly, her hand already fishing in her pocket for the few coins she had. She barely had enough to buy anything, but that didn’t matter. She was after something else entirely. She picked up a small pack of gum from the counter and tossed her coins next to it.

“How much?” she asked, her voice hoarse from the dry air.

The shopkeeper glanced up, squinting at Jolene. “Two cents,” he grunted.

Jolene pushed the coins forward, making a show of counting them out, as her other hand slipped toward the shelf beside the counter where salted meats hung. Her fingers brushed against one of the packets, and with a quick, practiced motion, she swiped it, tucking it into the loose folds of her shirt.

She picked up her gum and pocketed it. “Thanks,” she mumbled, backing away toward the door. The shopkeeper barely looked at her, already turning back to his ledger as he muttered “Take care.” Jolenej pushed the door open and stepped back into the sun, her heart pounding with adrenaline.

Outside, she slipped into the narrow alley beside the store, crouching behind a stack of crates. She pulled the packet of salted meat from her shirt, tore it open with trembling hands, and bit into it. The salt stung her dry mouth, but the taste was heavenly. She chewed slowly, savoring each bite, her stomach finally calming as it felt the first touch of food in days. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then tucked the rest of the meat into her pocket for later.

Once she was done eating, Jolene wandered back onto the main street, moving carefully now, her sharp eyes darting around as she spotted potential marks. There was always someone drunk in this town no matter the time, or just plain stupid—people who didn’t keep a close eye on their wallets or purses.

She spotted a man leaning heavily against a post outside the saloon, a half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from one hand. His jacket was unbuttoned, and Jolene could see the bulge of a coin pouch hanging loosely from his belt. The man swayed slightly, his head lolling forward, and Jolene’s pulse quickened. This was an easy mark.

As she moved closer, keeping to the shadows, Jolene reached out, her hand just inches from the pouch, when a voice called out behind her.

“Joel!”

She froze, her heart jumping into her throat. For a split second, she thought she’d been caught, but when she turned, she saw a familiar figure standing on the porch of the doctor’s office across the street. Dr. Avery, the town’s doctor, was waving at her, his face a mix of curiosity and kindness.

Jolene hesitated, glancing back at the man with the coin pouch, but she knew better than to risk it now. She took a step back and quickly crossed the street to where Dr. Avery stood.

“Afternoon, Doc,” Jolene said, trying to sound casual despite the nerves buzzing in her chest.

Dr. Avery smiled, wiping his hands on his apron. He was a tall, lean man with sharp features, his dark hair streaked with gray at the temples. He had a habit of looking at people like he could see right through them, and Jolene always felt a little uneasy under his gaze. But the doctor had never treated her with anything but kindness, and in a town like this, that counted for something.

“You look like you could use a little work,” the doctor said, his eyes glancing over Jolene’s dirty, torn clothes. “Got a job for you, if you’re interested.”

Jolene’s eyes lit up. “What kind of job?”

“I need some herbs. They grow out by the river, near the edge of the woods. Won’t take you too long to collect ’em, and I’ll pay you for your trouble.”

Jolene nodded eagerly. Work was hard to come by, especially for someone like her, and she couldn’t pass up the chance to earn some real money. “What do you need?”

Dr. Avery pulled a small cloth bag from his pocket and handed it to Jolene. “Burdock Root, mostly. You’ll know it when you see it—grows near the water. Bring back as much as you can, and I’ll pay you fair. Just don’t take too long. Sun’s only getting hotter.”

Jolene took the bag, nodding. “I’ll be quick, Doc.”

The doctor gave her a nod. “Good lad. I’ll be waiting.”

Without another word, Jolene turned and headed for the outskirts of town, the dust kicking up beneath her boots as she hurried toward the river. She’d been to the riverbank plenty of times—it was a quiet spot, a small, winding stretch of water that cut through the valley just beyond the town. The woods nearby were dense, thick with towering pines and scrub brush, but the river itself was a peaceful place, far enough from town that no one bothered you.

As Jolene made her way through the dry brush, the sun beat down on her, making her sweat through her shirt. She wiped her brow with her sleeve, squinting against the brightness. The ground sloped downward, and soon the sound of trickling water reached her ears. The river came into view, its clear, cool waters a stark contrast to the dry, dusty land around it. Jolene smiled despite herself, the sight of the water offering a brief sense of relief.

She crouched down by the water’s edge, dipping her hands into the cool current and splashing her face and neck. The water felt like heaven against her skin, washing away the dust and grime. She took off her boots, lifted her pants to her thighs, and stood in the river, the water reaching up to her knees, and for a moment, she allowed herself to relax. She looked around for the herbs Dr. Avery had asked for and soon spotted clusters of it growing near the water, their bright green leaves standing out against the rocky shore.

Jolene got to work quickly, crouching down to pull out handfuls of the roots, stuffing them carefully into the cloth bag. The sun was rising higher, and she could feel the heat pressing down on her, but she kept at it, her mind focused on the promise of payment.

As she worked, something caught her eye in the distance—a small caravan moving into the trees on the other side of the river. Jolene paused, crouching lower in the water as she watched the caravan wind its way through the woods. They were far enough away that they hadn’t noticed her, just a small, ragged figure kneeling by the riverbank. The caravan seemed like an odd sight—there wasn’t much reason to be heading into those woods unless you were looking for trouble or trying to hide from it.

Jolene watched them for a few moments longer, curiosity tugging at her, but eventually, she shrugged and turned back to her task. Whatever business those people had, it wasn’t her concern. She had her own survival to worry about.

The afternoon wore on, and the sun climbed higher, its heat becoming more oppressive as Jolene worked, her fingers swift and steady as she filled the small bag with roots. Her shirt clung to her back, damp with sweat, and she could feel the sunburn setting into her neck and arms. But it didn’t matter—she was nearly done, and the thought of the coins jingling in her pocket by the end of the day kept her going.

Finally, when the bag was full, Jolene stood up, brushing her dirty hands on her trousers. She looked back across the river where the caravan had vanished into the woods, a lingering curiosity tugging at her. What kind of people went off the main trails and into the thick, untraveled forest? Bandits, maybe—or strangers passing through, just looking for a quiet place to camp. Either way, it wasn’t her problem. Not yet, at least.

Jolene began the trek back to town, moving at a brisk pace despite the heat. The walk was mostly uphill, and by the time she reached the outskirts, her legs ached, and sweat dripped down her face. The sight of the town made her feel a strange sense of relief and weariness all at once. She didn’t belong here, exactly, but it was the closest thing she had to a home right now.

She headed straight for Dr. Avery’s office, trying not to look too eager as she pushed open the door. The doctor was inside, bent over his desk, scribbling in a notebook. He glanced up when Jolene entered, his sharp eyes taking in her dusty clothes and sweaty face.

“You’re quick,” Dr. Avery remarked, setting down his pen. He held out a hand for the bag, and Jolene handed it over, watching as the doctor inspected the contents with a practiced eye. “Good work,” he murmured, nodding in approval.

The doctor turned to a small wooden drawer and pulled out a canteen, pressing it into Jolene’s hands. “Here, take a drink. You look like you’ve been to the desert and back.”

Jolene took the canteen gratefully, tipping it back and gulping down the cool water. It tasted faintly of metal, but to her, it was the best drink she’d ever had. When she was finished, she handed the canteen back, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

Dr. Avery reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wad of cash. He counted out five dollars and placed it in Jolene’s outstretched hand. Her eyes widened at the sight of the money. Five dollars was more than she’d expected; it was enough for several meals, maybe even a new shirt if she bargained hard enough.

“Thank you, Doc,” she said, the gratitude clear in her voice.

The doctor smiled faintly, his gaze softening. “You earned it, Joel. Hard work deserves fair pay.”

Jolene nodded, tucking the money carefully into her pocket. She didn’t linger, giving Dr. Avery a short nod before heading out the door. As she stepped back into the blinding afternoon sunlight, she felt the cool weight of the money against her thigh, a comforting reminder that, for now, she’d have a little bit of security.

Jolene settled into an alley. The money she’d just pocketed was a comfort, and the shadow of the alley hid her from the biting sun. She nibbled on the last bite of her salted meat, savoring every grain of salt, every scrap of toughness.

As she leaned back, the sound of footsteps reached her ears. She didn’t startle—she’d learned long ago how to stay calm, even when it felt like someone was creeping up on her. Glancing down the alley, she saw a familiar figure lumbering toward her.

Mr. Doyle, the town’s gunsmith, was a tall, heavyset man with a face weathered by the sun and dusted with soot. He looked about ready to burst, his whole posture screaming the need for relief. He barely even registered Jolene as he staggered to the far corner of the alley and, with a muttered curse about the “damn hot day,” got to the business of taking a piss.

Jolene smirked a little and kept her gaze pointedly elsewhere, deciding the best thing she could do was make herself as invisible as possible. Once done, Doyle exhaled a loud sigh of satisfaction, tucking himself back in place and pulling out a cigarette from his breast pocket. He struck a match, bringing it to his lips, and took a long drag before finally noticing Jolene in the shadows.

“Ah, Joel. Sneakin’ around as usual, I see,” Doyle said with a half-smile, leaning against the wall. His voice was gruff, but there was a friendly note under the rough edges.

Jolene grinned back, chewing the last bit of meat. “Not sneakin’, just resting.”

Doyle nodded, taking another pull on his cigarette and letting the smoke drift upward. He eyed the scrap of meat in Jolene’s hand with a quirked brow. “You didn’t happen to lift that from old Johnson’s store, did ya?”

Jolene shook her head, pulling out on of the bills from her pocket. “I bought it fair, with the money Doc Avery gave me. He had me collect some herbs by the river.”

Doyle let out a chuckle, his laugh rough and deep. “Well, well. Look at you, an honest working man. Keep that up, and maybe you’ll even make something of yourself one day.” He took another drag, eyeing Jolene with a blend of amusement and something that might have been respect.

Jolene gave a small shrug, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Guess I’ll have to keep the work comin’ to make that happen.”

The gunsmith chuckled again, flicking the ash from his cigarette. “You’re all right, kid. Stay out of trouble, yeah? Doc Avery’s got a soft spot for ya, and who knows? You stick around, keep workin’—maybe life won’t be so rough on you after all.”

With that, Doyle gave a casual wave and walked off, his boots crunching softly on the dusty ground as he disappeared back onto the street.

Jolene leaned back against the wall, still feeling the cool weight of the coins and bills in her pocket. She didn’t trust people too easily, but Doyle’s words settled in the back of her mind like a small, stubborn spark of hope. For the moment, life was simple. She had enough money to get by for the next few days, maybe even buy herself a small meal or two.

As long as she stayed smart, stayed quiet, and kept her head down, she could survive. And for a girl like her, survival was enough.

Jolene glanced up at the sky, watching as the colors shifted, orange and pink slowly blending into the deep purple of night. Her life was a patchwork of dusty streets and stolen shadows, but at least it was hers. And for now, that was just fine

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pparamnesiaa · 2 months ago

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Your art style is sooo pretty i recently saw your dst oc art and is super curious how you do the little animation and how you emulate the dst art style so well if you don't mind answering :D!!!

Tutorial for Animation/Art

Hi thanks for asking!! Here I will provide you a small tutorial for both, although it WILL be messy because I can't do tutorials to save my life and I tried to keep it as brief as possible! Although if it remains unclear or other users still have questions (about either the whole thing or certain aspects) I won't mind making full videos where I tackle everything step by step. :P

I will begin with how I make the gifs and then I will repost with a small guide to the artstyle because this is my FIFTH attempt at posting the entire thing and tumblr says no... ALSO ORIGINALLY THE VIDEO WAS SPLIT IN GIFS FOR EACH STEP BUT TUMBLR DOESN’T WANT THAT EITHER, I FEEL ANGER

(LONG THREAD BELOW, PROCEED WITH CAUTION /j)

Animation

Oh boy here we go again

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1. As an example, here I have the animation I did for Sky's introduction. So basically what I do is draw whatever I desire to animate in different layers, in this case I drew the arms holding the headphones on a different layer above the body, fairly simple. I use IbisPaint X by the way!

2. Then I save the parts separately and move onto the animation bit, I previously used CapCut for animation too but now I use Alight Motion and I crop out the watermark.

!! On the first example I used a green screen so I can add the animation onto the background, but this may not work if your animation itself contains green or a similar color, so be mindful of the palette used on your art. !!

3. Once the animation is exported, I place it on the background along with added assets, effects, etc. To remove the background from the animation, you'll have to use the chroma key feature.

4. AND LASTLY, I use my precious website EzGif to turn it into a gif, and don't worry if the gif is too large in size, for this website has an optimisation feature that allows you to fix that issue (and if it doesn't work I just go on other optimisation websites lol).

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Here’s the video, just a showcase of each step! No explanation in them.

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 2 years ago

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I’m rereading How I Live Now because I just finished the book of the same name (fantastic titling, the depth of the allusion was lovely) and that brief exchange about time travel in chapter four took me out. This time Tom gets to cryptically reference absurd happenings and never explain it. Of course he just went home and didn’t mention that that happened, of course the Animorphs don’t know about it

1) How I Live Now is on my list of sci-fi books that are just... life-changingly, life-ruiningly good. I'm a huge sucker for the ant's-eye view of the apocalypse, when there are heroes off fighting the eldritch abominations but that has nothing to do with our protagonists who are just trying to survive. That story is epic and intimate at the same time, which is not easy to do. So if I induced anyone to read it by accidentally advertising it in a fic, then that's wonderful news.

2) The moment in How I Live Now the fic where Tom passingly alludes to having time traveled and offers no actual explanation was part of my broad headcanon about him, that he never bothers to make waves or draw attention when he doesn't need to. He didn't go rushing home after the events of Escape from L.A. and tell Jake all about it; he called the Matter Over Mind office's security team, added a layer of screening to their mail without bothering to explain why, and then stopped to get a pizza on his way home to take a nap. If it'd ever come up he'd have mentioned it, but otherwise, why bother?

Broadly, I headcanon Tom as coming off like the single blandest, most boring person in existence. He doesn't draw attention to himself, he rarely smiles, he rarely raises his voice, he has a bad habit of trailing off mid-sentence and never picking back up... You can be in the same room as him for half an hour before you even notice he's there, and then your first thought will be "is that guy still breathing?" People who don't know him that well mistake him for being dumb as a rock and emotionless to boot. People like Jake and Bonnie who are fluent in his quirks know that he's often sarcastic without sounding sarcastic, and can be highly competent at everything from jump shots to logistics planning. But Marco can be forgiven for dismissing Tom, or else overlooking him entirely.

#animorphs #animorphs meta #eleutherophobia #tom my darling #how i live now #loren: having a phone conversation with you makes me want to stab kittens just to relieve the boredom #tom: aliens made me do i—#loren: nuh-uh i have talked to other zombies before. you are blander than all of them. i KNOW you're listening now ACT like it.#tom: i'm... sorry to hear that?#loren: better. marginally. now tell me about your donation-matching program.#tom: it matches donations. with matching.#loren: some KITTENS are about to get STABBED.

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cctinsleybaxter · 10 months ago

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not sure if uve talked about this before but what are your thoughts on the catch 22 1970 film 🧐 the way alan arkin plays yossarian excuses the messier plot to me

The movie's grown on me over time; it gets a lot 'wrong,' but the book is a real beast to adapt so I mostly just admire that they went for it, and my own favorite performances are so random! Richard Benjamin as Danby, Orson Welles as Dreedle (+ Austen Pendleton playing off him as Moodus), and Olimpia Carlisi as Luciana. My favorite scenes are:

"Then why are they shooting at me MI-Lo?"

Daneeka's explanation of catch-22

Milo marking up everything on the beach

Yossarian and Luciana dancing and spending the night together (director Mike Nichols is really, really good at that kind of layered intimacy; sweetness with an underlying nastiness, and vice versa)

All of 'The Eternal City' in adaptation (Milo's delivery of "then they'll understand" re: Nately's parents still makes me shudder)

Scenes that are played for straight comedy are honestly more of a miss imo, but the briefing with Dreedle's nurse knocks it right out of the park

Back to your point- Arkin's definitely doing what I think was called for with the more 'out there' behaviors, but on second watch I actually really liked his take on a quieter Yossarian. It's hard to tell what he's thinking, which is at odds with the book's whole ethos but not out of character

#perkins is also on par with arkin for me- not a bad pull for the chaplain (the typecasting..) but not given enough to do/enough nuance #catch 22 #communications officer #thanks for the ask!

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daily-rayless · 2 years ago

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Meme taken from @ringneckedpheasant

As always, while I would recommend most of these authors, I do not support everything each of them has ever written and in some cases object strongly to some of their stuff.

I enjoyed this exercise a lot. First lines, “hooks”, can be so iconic, and it's interesting to look at them in isolation.

Lady of Quality – Georgette Heyer: The elegant traveling carriage which bore Miss Wychwood from her birthplace, on the border of Somerset and Wiltshire, to her home in Bath, proceeded on its way at a decorous pace.

Haven't read this one yet, but this strikes me as a very Georgette Heyer opening line – you know it's going to be a fancy setting about fancy people. That being said, it's also extremely bland. I would take out the information about her birthplace (because why does it matter at the outset?) and replace it with something more energetic. Overall it, feels staid and, well, decorous.

Rating: 5/10

The Complete Fairy Tales of George MacDonald – In this case, the opening line isn't by MacDonald; it's an introduction by Roger Lancelyn Green: Once upon a time there was a poor farmer's son who lived in a little house in the north of Scotland, a house so small that he and his five brothers had to sleep in the living-room, in little box-beds built against the walls with sliding doors to keep out the draught and make it even more box-like.

The details about the beds are good. I can see a child (or an adult) reading that line and being intrigued by the boxiness. Is it a cozy box, tucked away, or a box where things are put and forgotten? The fairy tale style is also charming. My quibble here is that I would've broken it into two sentences somewhere around the north of Scotland.

Rating: 7/10

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – CS Lewis: Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy.

Tidy, straight to the point, no gimmick. A bit boring, but it moves you along quickly to the more interesting stuff. But still, a bit bland. I've always believed in reading The Chronicles of Narnia in their publication order rather than the chronological order the American editions go with, and this partially demonstrates why. Lion was the first to be published, and its language can feel simpler than the other books.

Anyway, nothing special about this opening line. Lewis is lucky the book's dedication is so much more memorable.

Rating: 2/10

Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins: I stare down at my shoes, watching as a fine layer of ash settles on the worn leather.

Most of the books on this list are fairly old, so this highlights the stylistic change in more modern books. Immediately in the protagonist's head, brief language, an indirect hint at conflict. It's an effective opener, letting the reader know something bad has happened, leading into the explanation rather than trying to pack too much into the first line. Though the line comes after seeing the title for Part One, which is just “The Ashes” – so having the ashes immediately referred to reads as unintentionally funny to me. The ashes. There they are, on my shoes.

Rating: 8/10

The Luck of the Bodkins – PG Wodehouse: Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty, hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to talk French.

As an opening vault goes, the style is roundabout but the landing is pure Wodehouse. It's maybe a little too wordy before it hits the punchline, but I can't actually see where I'd cut anything to try to improve it.

Rating: 9/10

Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery: Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies' eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde's Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde's door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof.

Merciful Providence, Maud, you are s t r e t c h i n g the definition of an opening line! This line spills out and babbles like a brook – like the book's heroine Anne. There's nothing wrong with that, I just don't understand why she went with semi-colons instead of periods. Was her typewriter broken? As a single opening line, it's ungainly. But the line about the brook behaving itself as it passes the Lynde house is golden.

I think it's interesting to see the famous Green Gables called merely “the old Cuthbert place”. Anne of the Old Cuthbert Place would never have sold fifty million copies worldwide.

Rating: 4/10

Singer in the Shadows – Irving Litvag: I discovered Patience Worth (or, as true believers in the occult would say, she discovered me) by the flimsiest of coincidences.

This is the only nonfiction book on the list, and the subject is fascinating. In the 1910s, a woman named Pearl Curran claimed to be the medium through which a spirit named Patience Worth communicated – and launched a successful writing career. I've read one of Curran's/Worth's novels, Hope Trueblood, and I wasn't very impressed by it. But Litvag's investigation of the supposed phenomenon is very engrossing. To that end, I would have clarified more of the wild premise in the first line – I discovered the ghost Patience Worth – or something like that, because otherwise it's a pretty tame opener.

Rating: 6/10

Spells of Enchantment – ed. Jack Zipes: It has generally been assumed that fairy tales were first created for children and are largely the domain of children.

This is a collection of myths, fairy tales, and folktales, so the opening line comes from its introduction. It is huge, and even though I've owned it for probably twenty years, I still haven't gotten all the way through it. Zipes' opener is fine, but basic. I feel like most people who pick up an 814-page fairy tale anthology already know that fairy tales weren't originally intended for children. But it works for what it is, implying a contradiction, egging the reader on to find out what the truth is.

Rating: 5/10

Shadow Scale – Rachel Hartman: Let us first consider the role of Seraphina Dombegh in the events leading up to Queen Glisselda's reign.

I love it when fantasy authors not only present the immediate story, but add scholarly meta commentaries on their own fantasyworld. This opener lets the reader infer that the heroine, Seraphina, is going to do stuff that's so important and remarkable, she's not just a protagonist, she's a figure in history. This is a good example of using a “spoiler” to actually spur the reader on to learn more; giving them a glimpse of the future doesn't mean that a plot twist is ruined.

Rating: 6/10

Forever Amber – Kathleen Winsor: The small room was warm and moist.

Not much of an opener. Forever Amber, one of many twentieth century historical sagas that tried to follow the success of Gone With the Wind, became a bestseller on the strength of its salacious, amoral heroine Amber. But this opening does nothing, not by itself. Whatever interest is going to be generated will have to come from the following sentences. Gone With the Wind, despite its serious flaws, does a much better job of setting tone and sparking interest in its opening line.

Rating: 2/10

If this interests you, consider yourself tagged!

#the chronicles of narnia #seraphina #the hunger games #anne of green gables #pg wodehouse #writing #meme

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whisker-biscuit · 1 year ago

Text

The Lines We Cross: Chapter 4

Back Alley Heist

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It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I don't trust you.

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This cop was nuts.

That was the only reasonable explanation Sly could come up with as they drove back towards Mesa City. Her hands were tight on the steering wheel and she stared down the road ahead like it might get her to destination faster if she intimidated it enough; never mind the fact that she was going the exact speed limit and not a mile over.

Like he'd called her earlier – weird.

But being a stickler for driving rules or even going back to a city that would gun her down in an instant weren't what made her nuts. What made her nuts was risking her entire job for a stranger like him. Her boss hadn't exactly been quiet on the phone even before he'd started yelling, and Sly had heard pretty much all of it. She hadn’t been lying about what was at stake.

What kind of cop put their badge on the line for that? Certainly not any he'd ever met. Which, admittedly, was not all that many, but he could still attest to the fact that law enforcement was corrupt across the world.

The thought made his expression twist in bitterness, and the fox must have noticed because she finally glanced his way.

“If you’d rather not go back to Mesa, I understand,” she said gently, like he needed comfort or reassurance. He nearly rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

Now he did roll his eyes. “Nothing that’s any of your business.”

“I’m just trying to make conversation,” she huffed. “You don’t have to be so difficult about everything, you know.”

Difficult. Sly clenched his teeth even as his tone came out completely unaffected. “Everyone I’ve ever met has called me difficult. Difficult is practically my middle name.”

To his surprise, the quip brought out a tiny breath of a laugh from her. The cop seemed just as caught off guard by the reaction, but leaned into it instead of backing off.

“That sure is an interesting middle name,” she quipped back with a hint of a smile on her face. It was enough to make him relax in his seat just the smallest amount.

“What can I say? I’m an interesting guy.”

“I’ll say.” There was a brief pause as she tapped a finger against the steering wheel. “I should have expected that from someone named Sly.”

Sly couldn’t read the tone in which she’d said that, but he could hear the emphasis she put in it, and it had him tensing all over again. It was very rare the Five used his first name, and even rarer it was for any good reason. He crossed one leg over the other despite the lack of room in the car and tried not to show how uncomfortable hearing the word out loud was making him.

“What, you don’t like my name?” He asked, hiding the jitter in his voice under a thick layer of teasing.

“It’s not that!” Inspector Fox hurried to say, as if she’d upset him somehow. “It’s just – an unusual name. Unique. ‘Sly’. Do you have a last name just as unique to go with it?”

Yes.

"Nope," he said, popping the "p" as loud as he could just to be extra annoying. “And I’m not telling it to you, so don’t bother asking.”

“Why not?”

She asked it so sincerely, like she truly didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to give their full name to a cop. As if she’d never been faced with the danger of her identity being known by someone who could and would do her harm over it. It should have pissed him off, but instead it left him wondering once again how she'd gotten so far in her career without knowing the way the world worked.

"Names have power," the raccoon eventually settled on. God, he was already regretting telling her what little he had about himself, innocuous as it was. “Truth be told, I’m not the biggest fan of mine.”

And yet here he was, telling her more. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t usually this careless.

She glanced at him again, surprised and searching, but he was done letting anything else slip. All she’d find was a stone wall of emotion.

“Well…” the fox said, more hesitant than he would have expected. “I’ll try not to use it too often, then. How’s that sound?”

He shrugged and leaned farther back in his seat. “You can do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”

The conversation petered out as they passed a giant "Welcome to Mesa City" sign that had been vandalized to say "Muggshot City" instead. After a few minutes of grim silence, the cop spoke up again.

“Ugh. Why do criminals always advertise their location in the dumbest, most obvious way possible?”

Sly couldn’t help the almost inaudible chuckle at her words.

“Because guys like Muggshot are always more interested in bragging about themselves than keeping things on the down-low. I doubt he even knows the meaning of the word ‘subtle’.”

Inspector Fox gave him a look as she parked against the street. “You say that like you’ve met him.”

“I’ve met his goons,” he replied without missing a beat. “You saw how they were.”

“True,” she admitted with a hum, stepping out of the car and clicking the safety off of her shock pistol, “but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s the same way…even though one of his aliases is Meathead Muggshot.”

“Pretty sure you don’t earn a name like that if you’re the gold standard of criminal intelligence.”

“Can’t exactly argue with that.”

They both took a moment to look up and down the street, paranoid that someone else might be out here despite the fact that they were still on the outskirts of the city. When no mobsters came rushing out of abandoned buildings, Sly rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck.

“So, what’s the plan?”

He watched as the inspector slowly scanned the skyscrapers ahead of them. Her eyes fell on something in particular and he didn’t even have to follow her line of sight to know what she was looking at.

“We start there,” she announced, pointing at the giant, green, gaudy neon sign of Muggshot’s own name in the far distance. “Sometimes the most obvious place is where the target really is hiding.”

“Can’t argue with the detective on that one.”

It was a little relieving that despite her being dense on some things, she still had enough awareness to follow the big green beacon that was the mob dog’s place of residence. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t have to nudge her in the right direction at all, and then they could both go on with their lives peacefully and separately before the night was over.

But he still mentally came up with some excuses for the knowledge he had, just in case she asked.

“Are you coming?” Inspector Fox asked, throwing him a glance from over her shoulder. She was already walking with purpose in the direction of the distant hotel.

“Yeah, I am. Just zoned out for a moment.”

Sly jogged until he was on pace with her and flipped his hood up over his ears. It was a familiar comfort.

“Why are you covering your head?”

“Aesthetic,” said completely expressionless. The mask sitting at the base of his neck, he decided to leave down for now. There wasn’t much of a point in hiding his face when everyone in the city already knew what he looked like.

She stared at him with an arched eyebrow. “Is your ‘aesthetic’ supposed to make you look like some kind of crook?”

“I dunno,” he drawled right back, “is your crop top supposed to be a good representation of Interpol dress code?”

The raccoon watched with great satisfaction as her face went red. She turned away from him and they walked on in silence.

Said silence was soon broken by a very loud, very familiar voice calling from some distant outdoor speaker.

“Yo! Hey, yo, yo, it’s the boss!”

They froze simultaneously at the sound of Muggshot himself and ducked into the nearest alley together. Sly's entire body was stiff like a springboard and he watched Inspector Fox hold her pistol close to her chest at the ready.

“Ya know, I’m the first to admit that maybe driving everyone out of town, while necessary to set up shop, mighta taken a hit outta the business. So!” The mob boss paused a moment like he’d lost his train of thought in the middle of his speech. “Now, I’d hope you mugs would be o-bli-ged to any visitors that come here to lose their money in my casino. But!”

Another pause that made Sly’s hackles rise under his hoodie. He knew that kind of pause all too well – it was the kind where Muggshot was barely keeping himself from caving the nearest wall in with one angry punch.

“I got a reliable tip that a cop might be snoopin’ around the operation. So from now on, greet any “visitors” you see with a hail ‘a lead! Capiche?”

The speech ended abruptly with a shriek of microphone feedback, and the streets fell quiet once more. The raccoon physically forced himself to loosen up so he wouldn’t jump at the next smallest thing. He locked eyes with the cop, who also looked like she had just been three bad beats away from a heart attack.

His mouth twisted upwards in a wry smile. “Well, guess we know that they know you’re here, huh?”

“Guess so,” she replied with a tense exhale. He was amazed to see that despite knowing the entire city now had a hit out on her, her hands were still steady as they held her weapon. “That just means we’ll have to be extra stealthy from here on out.”

“Stealthy is practically my middle name.”

“Your other middle name, you mean?”

“I’m a man of many talents.” He jerked his head in the direction they were heading, pretending not to see the tiny smile on her face at the same time that she rolled her eyes. “Come on. We should get going before we’re caught standing out here like a couple of idiots.”

They kept moving after that with very little talking, intimately aware of how much they stuck out and how trigger happy the criminals would be after their boss gave them the go-ahead to shoot first and ask questions later. Alerting even one dog to their presence could easily alert the entire pack, and neither were eager to face a fox-and-raccoon hunt anytime soon.

It took over an hour of sneaking and hiding and taking alternate routes to avoid mobsters by the time they finally reached the crime boss’s personal hotel.

The front doors of the building were boarded up – not to ward off any potential trespassers, Sly knew, but because Muggshot had broken them wide open in a fit of rage and just hadn’t gotten around to fixing the gaping hole. He leaned against a rusty old truck in the parking lot as the cop went to examine it.

“The lights are on inside,” she noted, peering between the cracks of the wooden planks. “And I can see a few dogs, too, but not their leader.”

Sly shrugged even though she wasn’t facing him and folded his arms. “I doubt he’d be easy to find after learning you’re here. Not to mention, if this is his base…”

He glanced up at the tall building. There was a window on the topmost floor with bars across it, barely noticeable unless one knew where to look.

“....He’s probably not going to be on the first floor. He’d keep his valuables a lot higher up than that.”

Inspector Fox let out a contemplative hum, still checking out the barricaded front for any sign of weakness and barely paying him any mind. He watched the way the dim street lights made her dark hair seem to shine as it bounced against her back with every move she made, and thought about how bizarre it was that she was so unconcerned with having her back turned to him. It would be very easy to pull his cane out of his backpack and take her down from behind before she even knew what hit her; a quick, simple getaway before she could learn anything about him.

Sly exhaled quietly through his nose instead of doing that, and eyed the empty parking lot for incoming mobsters. Idiot, arrogant cop.

“I could break through this without too much trouble,” she said to herself, oblivious to the raccoon’s thoughts. She placed her palm against the makeshift wall. “But I don’t want to risk alerting anyone inside of my presence if I can’t guarantee Muggshot is in there, too.”

She wouldn’t find her target in that building without outside help, he knew. The bulldog might be a meathead, but even he had enough braincells to make the only way up to the top floor of the hotel a secret one.

Before he could even think about how to tell her what she needed to know without incriminating himself, there was a sudden cacophony of voices in the distance. Both of them were quick to hide behind the truck Sly had just been leaning against, right as a group of five dogs came walking across the nearest bridge towards the parking lot.

The mobsters were arguing amongst themselves in a way that it was impossible to tell whether they were actually being aggressive or just needling each other; more than a few snarling jaws and clenched fists were being shaken. Raccoon and fox both watched from where they were crouched behind the truck as the group stopped as one for a smoke break.

Then Sly saw a terrier. A terrier he recognized. One of the dogs who had pulled him out of his room and unintentionally set him on the path to freedom.

That dog was in charge of maintenance in the hotel. He had one of only two copies of the keys to the secret elevator; the other would be snug in Muggshot’s pocket. If Inspector Fox was going to have any chance at reaching the mob boss, she’d need that key. He nudged her and pointed as carefully as he could towards the terrier once he had her attention. He watched how her eyes widened, then narrowed, as she too recognized one of the goons who had attacked her.

The group finished their break and began to split up – a few headed back up the bridge while the terrier and two others went into a building neighboring the hotel. Sly knew without looking that it was the casino Muggshot had been diligently working on for months.

“We need to follow that terrier,” he said once they were sure the dogs were long-gone. “He knows how to find Muggshot.”

Inspector Fox gave him a sharp, suspicious look. “He does? How do you know that?”

“I heard him bragging about it to his buddies when they were hauling me around the city.”

It was a tiny lie, but it worked. The cop accepted it with nothing more than a determined nod.

“Right. Then we better hurry before we lose him.” She vaulted over the truck’s hood and started running for the casino. Sly ran after her, startled by her sudden gung-ho after all her careful stealth through the rest of the city.

There weren’t any guards outside or inside the casino’s front doors, which was a small relief, but the moment they passed the front lobby onto the open floor, they could see dogs all over the place. Most were gambling at slots or playing cards, too distracted to have noticed the newcomers, but the sight of so many enemies still made Sly’s heart beat like a drum.

He wasn’t going to get caught. He couldn’t afford to get caught. Never again.

The two of them ducked behind an unattended slot machine, scanning the area for the terrier. The layout of the casino was strange; although they had entered it at ground level, there were balconies overlooking rooms below them. Either this place had been built on the side of a hill, or Muggshot had sunk a lot of money into spelunking.

Inspector Fox tensed in anticipation, peering over the side of the railing.

“Down there,” she whispered, pointing to one such lower level. Sly followed her finger to see their target pacing back and forth in front of a comically huge jackpot machine that rotated round and round in a circle.

It wouldn’t be too difficult to find the stairs from here, he figured. There were plenty of things to provide cover, and most of the dogs were so absorbed in their gambling that it would be child’s play to sneak past them. The raccoon was already putting together a plan in his head, when his “partner” suddenly shifted her weight beside him.

He turned just in time to see her vault herself over the balcony.

What the hell?! Sly scrambled to the edge of the platform, watching in horror as the cop landed heavily right behind the terrier.

The dog jumped three feet in the air but she was already barreling over him, knocking him flat and pinning him down with her full weight. Before he could even think to yell or bark, the fox covered his mouth with her free hand. Her other hand she used to jam her shock pistol against his back.

She was too far away for Sly to hear what she was saying, but he could see her lips moving rapid-fire as she spoke to the stunned terrier. In all honesty, the raccoon couldn’t blame the guy for the reaction; he was just as shocked by her audacity.

What was she trying to do with a stunt like that – announce herself to the entire casino and get them both caught?!

He forced his pounding heart to slow down, if only so he could stay fully alert. None of the other dogs on either floor had seemed to hear the fox’s loud entrance, or they had brushed it off as nothing. No one came running to check on the commotion. Sly exhaled, long and slow, and looked over the railing again to find his own quick, preferably quieter way down.

It was only as he was lining himself up for a drop that he saw the shadow fall over Inspector Fox from behind.

There was no time to even think to call out a warning – a large meaty fist slammed into the side of her head with all the force of a truck. The fox crumpled like a soda can, falling limply onto the carpeted floor as Tony, the bullmastiff who had led Sly’s kidnapping, stood triumphantly over her with a snarling smile. His terrier buddy crawled out from under her looking white as a sheet. Neither of them had even noticed the raccoon balanced on the railing above and behind them.

Sly had a sudden, perfect moment of clarity.

He could leave, right now, and no one would ever know he’d been here. He could leave the cop to her fate and flee like he should have when she’d first offered to take him with her. He’d be free of her, and her incoming Interpol squad, and these mobsters, and Muggshot, and the Fiendish Five, and maybe even –

His chest ached.

The raccoon looked down at the scene beneath him. He stared at Inspector Fox, and for a single second he wasn’t seeing the cop who’d rescued him laying dazed on the floor. He was seeing the cop who’d confronted him slumped against the wall of a police station, surrounded by fallen comrades and their own lifeless blood.

Sly took a deep breath and jumped before he could change his mind.

He landed silently on a slot machine right behind Tony. Neither dog picked up on his presence, too preoccupied by their catch. Their ears didn’t even twitch as the raccoon slowly reached behind him into his backpack and pulled out a gleaming golden hook.

“Can’t believe she came back,” the terrier muttered, still very much shaken up if the nervous twitching of his nose was anything to go by. “Who’s stupid enough to come back to a city that wants you dead?”

“A cop, that’s who.” Tony crouched next to the fox and wrapped his hand around her neck just as she was starting to come back to herself.

A button at the base of the hook was pressed. It unfolded into a cane with the tiniest ‘click’.

“Don’t move!” The bullmastiff growled when Inspector Fox began thrashing under his grip. “We got orders to shoot you on sight, but I think the boss would love ya hand-delivered on a silver platter. Course, if ya struggle too much, I just might think you’re not worth the effort.”

“Do you think the raccoon is still with her somewhere?”

Said raccoon sank into a crouch, taut with energy.

“Doubt it. If that brat’s smart, he already ditched the cop and high-tailed it outta here. He’s probably long gone from Mesa.”

Hello irony, my bitter old friend.

Sly shot forward like a rocket, swinging his cane down as hard as he could in a perfect, practiced motion. It smashed against Tony’s skull so hard the vibrations ran right back up through the cane and into his arm. The bullmastiff was out cold in an instant and dropped to the ground with a loud thud.

The terrier stumbled backwards with wide eyes, hands reaching to his belt for a weapon, but he was too slow. Sly leapt at him with a sideways swing, and the smaller dog went down just as easily as his comrade had.

Inspector Fox coughed on the floor beside him, on her hands and knees with her hair shrouding her face and hiding him from view. Sly immediately folded the cane back up and put it away just in time for her to look up at him with cloudy eyes that were already clearing at a rapid rate.

“Sly…? What just –”

“We gotta go.” He rooted through the terrier’s pockets and closed stiff fingers around a large, heavy key. Then he grabbed the fox by her forearm and hauled her to her feet. “We got what we came for but we gotta go!”

Luckily, she didn’t need any more prompting. The two of them hurried out of the room and through the nearest doors they could find, which lead them into a back alley surrounded by skyscrapers. Sly let go of Inspector Fox and watched as she leaned against a stack of tires, trying to catch her breath and reorient herself.

“Are you – okay?” She asked between gulps of air.

“I should be asking you that. You’re the one who got a nasty blow to the head.”

“You’re shaking.”

The raccoon looked down at himself. Tremors were running through his hands where they sat limp at his sides.

“Huh,” he said, distantly, as the adrenaline subsided and realization caught up. “Guess I am.”

Inspector Fox pressed a hand to her head, running her fingers carefully along where she’d been struck. There wasn’t any blood in her fur but she still grimaced at her own touch.

“I’m definitely going to have a big knot here in a few hours,” she muttered unhappily, “but I think I was just dazed by the hit. No concussion from what I can tell.”

“You can tell with that kind of thing?”

“I’m not as disoriented as I should be. No drowsiness, no loss of balance, and only a little dizziness. The headache is the worst part and I can shrug that off.”

“If you say so.” Sly looked up past the tall buildings, where a monstrous parade balloon of Muggshot was tied to some distant place, silhouetted against the evening sky. He closed his eyes and willed his shaking away.

“I asked that dog where to find Muggshot,” Inspector Fox interrupted his brief meditation, making him crack one eye open. “He said something about a secret way to the penthouse from the first floor, but I didn’t get the chance to ask anything else before his friend knocked me flat.”

“Oh, yeah, that. Here.” The raccoon held out the comically large key. “Pulled this off of him after I saved you. Pretty sure it’s for whatever he was talking about.”

She took it and turned it over in her palm, studying it. “I’ve never seen anything like this. I’d bet you’re right, that it is for that secret way up. Nice quick thinking.”

“It was nothing,” he said, because it was the truth. “Easiest thing in the world.”

“Well, thank you.” The cop paused. “And…thank you for rescuing me.”

“Oh – yeah. No problem.”

“You shouldn’t have had to put your life on the line for me,” she continued. “I was reckless and put you in harm’s way. I promise I won’t let it happen again.”

Sly shifted, uncomfortable. “Yeah, well…it’s fine. It wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t going to just let them kill you.”

He very pointedly did not meet her eyes, opting instead to look around the alley they’d found themselves in as he tried in vain to make the strange, sudden knot in his chest go away.

“We should probably get going before those goons wake up,” he said quickly, before she could fill the silence with questions he didn’t want to answer – or even think about. “Don’t know how much time we have before they sound the alarm and this place gets swarmed.”

Inspector Fox opened her mouth, then closed it, then nodded. She pocketed the special key and they started making their way back towards the hotel. Sly was content to let the silence linger between them, but after a few minutes of not running into any other dogs, the cop seemed to have a different idea.

“You know…” she started, almost hesitantly, “I was thinking about that conversation we had earlier about names and you not liking yours.”

Oh, we’re on this subject again. “Yeah, I remember.”

“What about nicknames?” The fox asked. “Are you a fan of those?”

“I’m familiar with them.” If insults and derogatory words counted as nicknames. “Why, you got something in mind?”

“How does…how does ‘ringtail’ sound?”

That made him stop walking to stare at her. Inspector Fox stopped as well, looking suddenly a little uncertain.

“I don’t mean anything offensive by it,” she was quick to say. “It’s just – you mentioned earlier that you’re not a fan of your name, and I saw the way you tensed every time I used it.”

Dammit. His poker face needed serious work, it seemed. He could practically hear Mz. Ruby hissing over his shoulder about how easy he was to read, even now.

“And since you saved my life – since we’re doing this together,” the cop continued, snapping him out of the thought, “then some familiarity is in order. It’s a bit of a habit I have with the people I work with.”

“You saying I’m a c – an officer now?”

“Associate. You’re an associate,” she stressed like it would physically hurt her to even joke about him being a cop. One thing they could agree on, at least. “So…ringtail, if that’s okay. And you’re welcome to come up with something for me if you think of anything.”

Ringtail. Not as common as things like “runt” or “brat”, but not so unfamiliar it felt foreign on his ears like his first name did. Sly shrugged and pretended the knot in his chest wasn’t loosening from something as stupid as a nickname.

“Ringtail works.”

“Really? You don’t mind it?”

“Nah. If it works for you, it works for me.” He put his hands in his hoodie’s front pocket and made a point to turn his walk into a saunter. “As for you, I’ll probably just stick to ‘Inspector Fox.’ It rolls off the tongue too nice to ditch.”

“As much as I appreciate the respect for the title, you don’t have to be so formal. You can use my first name.”

“….Eh. I’ll think about it.”

They fell back into silence, broken only by the occasional distant gunshot. Inspector Fox, apparently recovered from her little mishap faster than expected, took the lead with steadfast steps, and the raccoon easily kept pace behind her like a shadow.

Something about the conversation was tugging at him in an odd way, and it took him a moment to realize why; she was treating him as an equal. This cop who’d known him for only a few hours had given him a nickname like she did for anyone she worked beside. It had only happened because he’d saved her, sure, but the fact still stood.

Sly kept his eyes locked on the back of her braided hair and pushed the thought firmly away. What one random cop thought of him didn’t matter when they were only going to know each other for another hour at best. He’d show her the way to Muggshot, she’d wait for her team to come sweep up the place, and he’d disappear during the confusion with pages of the Thievius Raccoonus and his own hard-earned freedom.

One naïve, well-intentioned cop wasn’t going to change that. Not for all the respect in the world.

---------------------------------

A/N: I'm back baby!!! This damn chapter went through three whole rewrites because I just could not decide what I wanted. At first the duo was going to confront Tony, Inkspot and Spark on the rooftop with the crane from the "Straight to the Top" level and Sly was going to pilot the crane to save Carmelita, but that got too convoluted. Then, I tried putting the confrontation in the "Duel By the Dragon" level for the fun parallels since Sly and Carmelita are working together instead of against each other, but it wasn't quite clicking the way I hoped it would.

So at the end, I just decided to use one of the most iconic places in the game and went for Boneyard Casino. Even pulled Carmelita's jumping-off-a-balcony bit straight from a speedrun strat lmao. Rewriting game scenes to novel form is hard.

Thank you all for your patience! From here on out I think I'll release chapters on Sundays instead of Fridays. It will give me more time to finalize them before posting with the way my job schedule is set up right now. Until next time!

#sly cooper #carmelita fox #fanfiction

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tilecleaningtoday · 3 months ago

Text

What is Parquet Flooring?

Parquet flooring became a huge trend in the 1970’s. Decades later, it still remains one of the most popular types of flooring on the market.

With its striking, luxurious looks, parquet is a popular choice for businesses and homeowners alike. So, what is it and why should you consider adding it to your home? Find out everything you need to know about parquet flooring below.

A Brief Explanation of Parquet Floors

Parquet flooring is defined by its short planks and distinctive patterns. Traditionally, it was created from solid wood, making it an expensive option for homeowners. These days, however, parquet designs are featured in several types of flooring. Not only does this give you a lot more choice when choosing a parquet floor, but it also makes it affordable to a wide range of budgets.

The Different Types of Parquet Styles

You can choose from a huge range of parquet flooring. Not only are there different designs on offer, but there are also different flooring types to choose from too. Let’s start by looking at the different flooring types you can choose from.

Parquet Style LVT Flooring

LVT parquet flooring is the most affordable option. Featuring the practical benefits of vinyl and striking parquet looks, these floors are commonly used in family households. Many variations offer a waterproof design too, enabling you to enjoy a parquet effect in high-moisture environments like the bathroom.

Parquet Style SPC Flooring

If you fancy a step up from LVT, SPC flooring could be a great option. These types of floors are closely similar and have many of the same features. You can read more about SPC vs LVT here.. Short for Stone Plastic Composite, these floors have a unique rigid core. This gives them the same benefits as LVT flooring, alongside added strength comparable to engineered flooring.

Parquet Style Laminate Flooring

If you are looking for an affordable alternative to solid and engineered wood floors, laminate parquet is a fantastic choice. These multi-layer floors come with a photographic layer to reproduce a solid wood effect. Manufacturing processes have improved dramatically over the years, with today’s laminates featuring a highly realistic finish.

Renowned for its durability and practicality, you will find a great variety of laminate parquet floors available. The Lifestyle Floors range has breathtaking designs available, such as the Camden Premium Herringbone Grey. You will also find great quality options from Quick-Step, such as this Impressive Patterns Chevron Oak design.

Parquet Style Engineered Wood

Engineered wood parquet floors are a great choice for those seeking a “true parquet” effect. These multi-layer floors are durable, and much more resistant against moisture and temperature changes than solid wood. The top layer is constructed from real wood, ensuring you still get the same beautiful look as hardwood floor.

You can choose from an outstanding range of engineered wood parquet floors at Stories Flooring. Our own range offers a great choice of parquet effects, including smoked, brushed, and natural oiled designs.

Parquet Style Solid Wood Flooring

Traditionally, parquet flooring was made from solid wood. If you want to stick to the original parquet design, installing a solid wood variation in the home is your best option. Solid wood floors can last for decades when cared for properly. They also provide stunning aesthetics that leave behind a luxurious effect.

Most solid wood parquet floors are created using oak. However, you can find them made from other, more exotic woods if preferred. Browse the full range of solid wood parquet floors here.

The above are the different types of parquet flooring you can invest in. Consider where you are installing the floor, and the conditions it will be exposed to, when choosing the right type for your home.

Different Parquet Designs

As well as choosing what type of parquet flooring you want to invest in, you also need to decide the type of design you prefer. There are different styles of parquet flooring available. The two main types you’ll choose from include:

Herringbone Style Explained

Herringbone patterns are one of the most popular parquet designs available. They get their name from the herring fishbone effect they create. The planks of the floor are staggered in a zig-zag pattern, and they aren’t cut at a right angle. Instead, they feature a rectangular shape. They produce a sophisticated and uniform finish.

Chevron Style Explained

Chevron style parquet is becoming a popular option for homeowners. Unlike the Herringbone effect floors, this style of parquet features boards that have a sharp point. This produces a distinctive V-shape when the floor is fitted. They are also cut at an angle, and like Herringbone effects, are available in a wide range of finishes.

These are just the main two parquet effects that you can choose from. Other options include basket-weave and mixing and matching different patterns for a bespoke finish.

Versailles Style Explained

Named after the Palace de Versailles, this style of parquet creates an intricate and luxurious look. They consist of square patterns, filled with interwoven strips of wood. You’ll find a vast range of designs to choose from, each of which producing a luxurious finish.

Source: StoriesFlooring.co.uk

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aimer-arts · 2 years ago

Note

What’s your drawing process like? everything’s so cute, id love to see how you put everything tgt

AH thank you <3 My drawing process really isn't anything special, but I can try to give a brief explanation on it!

Basically, my process can be summed up in a few steps, the first step being a sketch. This step is VERY messy and not supposed to be perfect!! It’s basically just laying out the groundwork for what I want the drawing to look like.

And after I have a basic sketch that I’m satisfied with, I clean up the sketch and make it neater! I make the lines look sharper and erase any unneeded sketch lines while also adding some extra details (lineart is very tedious and stressful so I skip it lol). I often use a soft textured brush for this step!

Next I add flat colors to each character (there’s not much else to say about this step- but sometimes I add a texture to the flat colors to make it look softer)

And then I usually add some sort of shading (I use the regular ‘Brush’ tool on Sai with a Multiply layer and often play around with the colors until I like the way it looks. Sometimes I smooth out parts of the shading with the ‘Airbrush’ tool to make it look even softer)! I often add some subtle highlights to the characters in this step as well by using a ‘Shine’ layer

...And last is the final touches (I add the background, tweak any mistakes, etc.) I usually add overlay layers on top to make the colors pop more and turn up the saturation to make it look brighter! Sai also has some really nice filters to make it look extra soft :D

So yeah, that’s basically the gist of it!! Sometimes I do steps a bit differently but this is almost always how it goes (I use Sai for basically all of my art because I like the textures and filters it has and plus I’m too used to it to switch to anything else at this point)

(and here’s an example of slightly softer shading! Not the best example, but hopefully it still makes sense) ^^

#WOW okay this is a really long post #my drawing process is super generic but I hope you enjoy anyways anon!#and I have to say ditching the lineart step is something I don't regret at all #its just way less stressful oh my gosh-#ANYWAY I hope this answers your question!#ask #anonymous #thanks for the ask :]#I hope this all makes sense somehow asmdnwjmdssdm

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todoscript · 4 years ago

Photo

SEQUEL TO “don’t forget it”

SYNOPSIS: One week after accidentally blowing you off on your date, Bakugou Katsuki seeks your forgiveness.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

genre: fluff, very little angst

word count: 5.4k+

warnings: none really accept maybe a character sustaining an injury

author’s note: hellooooo this is a very very very late part 2 of my don’t forget it drabble that many people asked for! i hope this lived up to your expectations and was worth the wait!

Since the events that led you to leave Bakugou’s room in a fit of bitterness after attempting to penetrate that thick head of his, he hadn’t been able to speak to you for a week.

It goes without saying he did his best to chase you down the hallway from his room and toward the elevator the moment he realized his faults. But at the stink eye you shot him through the minimizing slit of the elevator doors sliding into place, he knew he had no right to reconcile with you after pulling a stunt like that. Nor did he think you’d want to spare him any more words to begin with. It was clear you were done arguing with him.

“C’mon man, it’s probably best to let her cool down before you try to make up with her,” was the advice Kirishima offered when Bakugou returned to his room, disgruntled as he heavily fell back into his seat next to the desk. He did the bare minimum to acknowledge his friend’s words with a grunt before resuming tutoring the redhead, his method of teaching suddenly harsher than how it began thanks to his soured mood. He lapsed the day away by pounding Kirishima with problems upon problems against that hard noggin of his, both literally and figuratively.

At the very least, Kirishima earned himself a passing grade on their exam as a result of his hard work and their rigorous tutoring sessions. But what followed Bakugou’s and your relationship was still undetermined.

Days later and you were relentless in giving him the cold shoulder.

Bakugou was met with nothing but empty glances and blatant disinterest whenever he crossed your path. It felt like the wall you slotted between him grew another layer at each encounter, your defenses so impenetrable, it could give Kirishima’s quirk a run for its money. He couldn’t so much as utter a word in your direction without you effectively dodging every possible interaction in favor of joining another conversation nearby.

At first, Bakugou shrugged it off, calling your “childish attitude” unwarranted for something he thought was incredibly trivial. In his eyes, it was just an ordinary date at some run-of-the-mill restaurant he just happened to suggest to you because he took a liking to their spicy food. Not like it was some fancy dinner reservation serving caviar on dry toast beside a pretty, city night skyline. To him, it was nothing special.

However, as the week continued to roll by, it became clear to him how much he hurt you due to his selfishness. In a hangout with the Bakusquad, he learned that you apparently told Mina, along with the rest of the girls, everything during one of your girls’ nights. Which included the events prior to your heated argument in Bakugou’s dorm. And Mina, being just as peeved as you were at how Bakugou stood you up that day, had to let the blond know of the damage he’d done.

“I swear, Bakugou Katsuki, I know you can be an asshole sometimes—”

“Make that all the time,” Sero quietly adds in the middle of Mina’s rant while he lounges backward on Kaminari’s bed. If it wasn’t for his current dilemma, Bakugou would have elbowed him in the back of the head.

“—but this is crossing the line!” she finishes. Her arms are thrown exaggeratedly over her chest. The amber surrounded by the black scleras of her eyes points a beady look at the ash-blond crisscrossed on the floor between Kirishima and Kaminari.

“Poor girl sat there for hours waiting for you, only to find out she got blown off because you couldn’t even properly check your reminders!” She paces back and forth in the room, feet excessively stepping across the floor as she’s engulfed by the emotions she feels for her friend. “What’s worse? She comes back and finds out you’ve been doing your own thing with Kirishima the whole time!”

“Hey! It’s not like we were playing around! We were actually having a very serious study grind, thank you very much,” the redhead immediately clarifies. Though his explanation doesn’t alleviate Bakugou’s case in the slightest, who pounds his palms against the surface of the table they’ve gathered around.

“Look. I fucking get it, Ashido. I screwed up, okay?! Now what the fuck do you want me to do about it?!” he exclaims, anger overpowering his voice, but it does little to deter Mina.

“Fix it, obviously!” she quips back with equal fierceness, leaning in eye level with Bakugou.

“And how do you propose I do that, Raccoon Eyes? Hah?” Repositioning his elbow to rest on the table, he leans his cheek against his hand. “Y/n won’t even let me within five fucking feet in front of her and you still expect me ‘fix this’?”

Despite the situation weighing heavily on his shoulders, no immediate answer is bestowed upon him. That is, except the obnoxiously loud crinkle of a chip bag popping open next to Bakugou that cleaves into the scene like a record scratch. As if unable to read the mood in his own room, Kaminari fishes a chip to throw in his mouth, stirring the awkward silence into tension.

“Wow, Bakugou. I know you’re bad with girls and all, but you really messed up this time,” he remarks. His voice is slightly muffled as he munches his chips, continuing to wrinkle the bag for more. It incites a vein to swell on Bakugou’s forehead. He amasses all the willpower within him not to blast the bag of chips to ash, and the boy alongside it.

“If you dunce faces are just gonna sit here and throw salt in my wound then I’m outta here.”

“No, wait!” Kirishima catches Bakugou’s wrist before he fully lifts himself off the floor. “Come on, Bakugou, I’m sure we can think of something! We just need to put our heads together! Right, guys?” he assures. Finding it hard to deny his friend’s hardened conviction, Bakugou gives Kirishima the benefit of the doubt, albeit with slumped shoulders and a tentative raise of his brow as he slowly sits back down.

“Right! Everyone, let’s get some brainstorming done!” Mina yells encouragingly.

The atmosphere of Kaminari’s room is consumed by moderately thoughtful silence for the next ensuing minutes. A few hums pass, followed by an exchange of contemplative looks as four of the five rack their heads together to uncover a solution. The one in need of help only hunches in his seat, waiting with mild disinterest.

“Oh hey, don’t we have hero training with All Might tomorrow?” Sero is the first to comment, scooting to the edge of the blond’s bed.

“Yeah. So?”

“He said we were going to work on group exercises this time around. You know, teamwork and stuff,” he explains further.

At that, Mina snaps her fingers, the work of a brilliant idea flickering in her head. “Sero, that’s it! Tomorrow, during training, we’ll just form a group together with Y/n! After all, she’ll have to talk to Bakugou if you two are on the same team!” She claps her hands in front of her, her enthusiasm rippling through her body and shown energetically with each raise of her voice. “Then, while the rest of us ‘split up’ to cover more ground, that will be your chance to make everything better with Y/n! It’s genius!”

“You missed one fucking crucial detail, Pinky,” Bakugou gruffs. “That will only work if Y/n doesn’t join another group. The moment she sees I’m on yours, she’s not even going to hesitate making a u-turn.”

“Worry not~ I’ll just text all the girls except Y/n about the plan later and ask them to help sort everyone out!” She solves the problem with relative ease—quick as a click of her phone lighting up and finger sliding open to her messages.

“Uh, another thing though.” Kirishima raises his hand to spare his concern. “All Might says we’ll be splitting into groups of five at most, but there’s already five of us here.”

There’s a brief moment of deadpanning until Mina speaks casually. “Oh, that’s right. Kaminari. Take one for the team and make sure to join another group, ‘kay?” She settles without batting a lash.

Kaminari almost chokes on a mouthful of chips. “H-Huh?! What?! Why me?!!” he sputters.

“Because you’ve been eating chips this entire time and haven’t contributed to anything.”

“Hey, I offered the room, didn’t I?!” He tries justifying but is inevitably rejected by Mina’s wagging finger.

“Ah-ah, no complaints! Besides, it’s only one day of training. If we want this dilemma between Bakugou and Y/n fixed then we all have to play our part, got it?” Mina finalizes with a firm point of her finger nearly grazing the tip of the blond’s nose as he leans back to avoid it, eyebrows scrunched in discontent at the role he’s been reduced to.

“Alllllright!” Kirishima springs from his seat with outstretched arms and tightened fists. “Operation: Get Y/n to Forgive Explosion Boy is underway!”

“Dude, that’s a terrible name!” Sero laughs but rises from the bed to join the redhead’s cheer alongside Mina, the group already in high spirits.

Despite rolling his eyes at their swell of confidence, Bakugou does not object to the state of things. As crazy as it sounds, one could almost decipher the cusp of a grin pulling the seams of his lips as a possible sign he’s actually all for this extravagant little plan. Quite a first for Bakugou, but then again, there’s not much else he can do in this situation except rely on his pack of chumps.

Meanwhile, Kaminari grumbles something beneath the salty grit between his teeth.

“Alright, can you all get out of my room now?”

The scowl etched on your face carries a strong air of disdain that dampens the mood around your teammates considerably. Well, no one should be surprised. With Bakugou standing across from you, staring into the void of your expression, it’s to be expected that you wouldn’t be happy with this outcome.

No, “unhappy” doesn’t quite do your circumstance justice. You are beyond livid.

You feel your eyebrow twitch as you try quivering your lips to form a tinge of a smile. Unfortunately, all that quickly falls apart when you suddenly recall the disaster of last week, triggered by an accidental glance at Bakugou’s mug.

Trying to simmer down, you release a mental sigh amidst the turmoil boiling inside you.

Okay, maybe you’re over-exaggerating. Maybe you’re still just a bit too bitter for your own good and letting your emotions get to you. But in a class of twenty or some students, how did you end up in a group with the one person you were actively trying to avoid?

The moment All Might gave everyone the go-ahead to form their teams for today’s training exercise, you swiftly made a beeline toward two particular star students. Midoriya and Todoroki.

It was simple really. Your experiences throughout the school year told you Bakugou planned on staying away from his rivals when it came to teamwork, regardless of whether you’re there or not. He’s a competitive ass whose goal is to beat anyone he deems a threat in his climb to be the number one hero. It’s only logical you partner with people he adamantly dislikes to evade him.

Yet it seems fate has other plans for you today. By the time you found yourself pacing over to the two students you had in mind, they’d already gone and picked their own group members, forming teams before you could even ask.

Your nose wrinkles like you’ve taken a whiff of something rancid. Or, to be more specific, something fishy. Hooking an arm around Mina’s elbow, you drag the pink-haired girl off to a corner somewhere while tilting your head back at the three other boys.

“Ex. Cuse. Us.” Your words sound as stiff as cardboard. It comes out in practically a hiss when your eyes cross Bakugou. Once you’re positive you’re out of earshot, you whip your head at Mina.

“Mina, what the hell? When you dragged me over here to form a group with you you didn’t tell me he’d be there,” you groan. Childish and petty as you may sound, you just couldn’t fathom the idea of confronting the boy so soon.

Mina holds her hands out, ready to rationalize the whole ordeal. “C’mon Y/n, this is actually an advantage for us! With us four plus you on our team, we’re sure to knock the rest of the other guys out during training today! I mean we showed pretty good teamwork together at the sports festival, didn’t we?”

Steadying your gaze, you hold a finger below your chin as you slowly buy into the explanation. The reasoning is there. It’s hard to argue against a case like that, fully aware that being on the same team as explosion boy will easily snag good results for you and your party. ‘Cause as much of an arrogant jerk as he is, you have to admit Bakugou Katsuki knows his way around hero action like the back of his grenade gauntlets.

“Besides it’s not like you could avoid him for the entire school year. I mean, you two are in the same class. It was only a matter of time before you had to—”

“I know, Mina,” you interject, not wanting the rest of her sentence about the inevitable fall to your ear. “I just… Agh, you know what I mean!” You ruffle your hands through your hair in confliction, unsure how to piece your thoughts together.

Tilting your head over Mina’s shoulder, you sneak a glimpse at Bakugou, watching him as he’s cast to the side with the others. He’s fending himself from Kirishima and Sero’s combined jokes, that usual look on his face sending glares at the two and yelling something you could almost pick up on if you honed your ears a bit more. Surprisingly, when his eyes meet yours for a split second, he stands there looking nonchalant again. Both of you immediately avert your gazes.

Mina pats your shoulder, bringing you back to the conversation at hand. “I know, I know, but after this, I’m sure you can go back to ignoring his ass. After all, it’s just one training exercise, right?” she says. As her words deliver some relief to your ill-timed situation, you give in with a sigh.

Unbeknownst to you, turning your back to Mina and striding toward the rest of your teammates again, you miss the small glint in her yellow eyes, along with the subtle gestures she aims at the three boys, waving her pointed thumbs over your head secretively.

“So I take it you’re on the team with us, Y/n?” Sero asks when the two of you return. You nod in reply and the boy flashes his pearly whites in a wide grin that Kirishima mirrors. He nudges Bakugou at his sides which you subtly catch in the far corner of your eye.

You raise a brow suspiciously at their fidgeting, wondering why having you on their team warrants such enthusiasm, but you’re thankful for their energy at least. Someone has to lift the atmosphere for this not to be a complete drag and Bakugou surely isn’t going to be the mood maker of the group.

The blond scoffs. “Yeah, well, if you dumbasses are going to form a team with me, you’ll follow under my leadership, got it?”

The three readily agree. Though you roll your eyes, you don’t challenge his position, considering no one else is that much up to the task as he is. You’ll simply have to deal with the fact that you’re forced to tread through the day under his leadership. So with no objections, the five of you walk back to the class, gathering around the entrance of today’s battlefield.

Jumping into the activity, All Might goes about explaining today’s lesson to the four sets of teams—consisting of a group exercise to heighten teamwork. The name of the game? Capture the flag.

In short, each team will be split off into different sections of the labyrinth where their assigned flag is stationed. The objective is to not only protect your flag from being stolen but also try and steal an opposing team’s flag from their base and escort it safely to your home field. Nice and simple.

Not long after All Might’s explanation, the gate to the training grounds opens and you all scatter off into your teams, navigating through the twists of the maze to locate your flags. Once your group situated themselves onto your home base, you assemble in a huddle to devise a strategy before the game starts.

“So what’s the plan?” Kirishima asks, eyes darting around his teammates until they rest on Bakugou—the team leader. The ash-blond crosses his arms, a confident sneer plastered on his face as he’s already thought of his plan of action the moment All Might announced the mission.

“Easy. I’m going straight to the front-lines to swipe one of those dumbasses’ flags. You lot are gonna stay here and guard ours until I come back.” He delivers the strategy in a matter-of-fact tone that you quickly don’t take a liking to. Your fist curls in irritation.

“What kind of a plan is that?” you question audaciously, your voice louder than you intended. “So you’re just going to do all the work while we sit around and wait for you?”

Bakugou grits his teeth, leaning further into the huddle to direct his senseless logic. “Look, it’s the fastest and most surefire way to snag our victory without sacrificing anyone,” he says. Playing over his words again, he finds it surprising he even chooses to offer his reasoning. Because if it were anyone other than you he was arguing with, he’s certain he’d leave it at that.

Knowing the current tension between you was a result of his misjudgment, it feels only right for Bakugou to make an effort in communication. He ignores the antsy expressions belonging to the others who signal from behind you to follow along with their original plan.

You don’t seem to catch the hint, nor do you buy into his ridiculous strategy. “Oh, so you’re that confident you won’t get taken out by the other team then?” you quip. As a result, Bakugou’s brows tighten at your noncompliance.

“I know how to take care of myself. You of all people should realize by now that no other nerd in this whole damn class can outmatch me.”

“And what about an ambush? How do you know they simply won’t anticipate your strategy and see you coming?” You fire another counterargument and the boy purses his lips, beginning to find this quarrel spiraling into a headache rather than a step in the direction of reconciliation.

While Sero and Kirishima stand there, shifting their heads back and forth throughout the fiery exchange, Mina speedily reacts. The gears of that cunning mind of hers click into place again.

“You know what, Y/n’s right. Why don’t you two go together then?” she proposes boldly. Her suggestion catches you by complete surprise. You veer in her direction with an incredulous look blown in your eyes.

Before you can open your mouth to protest, the two boys standing beside her immediately back her up.

“Hm, Mina has a point. The chances of you falling into a trap wouldn’t be much if you two work together,” Sero remarks.

Kirishima follows, “Yeah, you guys can watch each other’s backs while going to collect the flag! It’s safer to go in a pair than by yourselves I’d say.”

The three seem adamant about the idea, sharing equally content expressions, and with all that said, you find it hard to dig yourself out of this situation. In a way, you practically volunteered yourself after questioning Bakugou’s plan and doubting his abilities. The group only feels it’s right you come along as his support since you clearly must be worried about his well-being.

Pushing your objections down your throat, you reluctantly agree to tag along with the blond. What you find exceptionally shocking is how Bakugou doesn’t oppose these new conditions. Given his hard-headed temperament, you thought he would’ve scoffed and turned his back at being paired without notice, but no such things were happening here.

...Odd.

“Tch, whatever. Let’s get going then,” is all he gives, starting in the direction into the urban area of the training course.

You trail behind him. “Coming, Boom-Boy…” you mutter the last bit but don’t suppress the urge to let your words be known. Bakugou turns his head and gives you a look akin to an uptight six-year-old you just offended at your local playground. You shrug in response, a corner of your lip pinched upward. He doesn’t pick a fight over the nickname, but his eyebrows remain fiercely slanted, and coupled with his heavy steps and the excessive swinging of his gauntlet-clad arms, it tells you of his emotional constipation plain as day.

The journey toward the other teams’ flags is cloaked in strained silence and the physical gap between you two does not encourage any of you to speak up. At this point, both of your levels of annoyance for each other have mellowed out. Now it just feels... awkward—strange. You don’t see his expression, nor does he see yours. It feels like you’re being left in the dark, having only the back of Bakugou’s head to stare at the entirety of the way, and though you supposedly have his back, Bakugou feels precarious in this state as he trudges along at the front, not daring to turn his head to cross your eyes.

The ambiance is reminiscent of the ancient Greek legend of Orpheus and Eurydice. Where Bakugou walks through the depths of the underworld, seeking you out in hopes you’d join his side once again. If he turns around now and spills his thoughts to you too soon, he fears that your forgiveness would be whisked away, thoroughly beyond his reach, and replaced with your promises of retribution.

That was the eloquent version of the situation anyway. To put it bluntly, Bakugou was just impatient as hell to say something to you. The silence suffocates him to the point where the words are nearly about to be squeezed out of his throat, but he bites his lip to snuff out the urges.

The more he keeps them in, the more fidgety he becomes, hands itchy and mouth trembling with grit between his teeth. The idea of not letting his voice be heard was something Bakugou detested. Mainly because it was already such a challenge to even keep his mouth shut, given his fiery attitude and lack of patience.

Man, what the hell am I hesitating for? he asks himself, that outspoken side of him spurring him on.

Ah, screw the uncertainty, he thinks. If he doesn’t say anything now, then he won’t get to say anything ever.

Bakugou stops in his tracks, turning his head. Here goes nothing,

“Hey, Y/n, I–”

“Katsuki–”

Words collide into each other, jumbled and incoherent, which take you two by surprise as you meet each other’s furrowed gazes. It’s quiet as you both piece your way through this, eyes trained like you haven’t seen each other in months when the reality is that a week of bitterness has somehow made you act like strangers. The bewildered look crossing his features is foreign to you; you’ve never quite seen Bakugou as taken aback as he is now.

“You first,” you grant before Bakugou could mix up your words again. Even being given permission, the blond still isn’t sure what to say, his thoughts lost on him the moment his voice clashed with yours. He takes a deep breath, calming his senses and steadying his mind for what he wants to convey.

“Look, Y/n, I don’t know how to put this as nicely as I can,” he begins, tone consistent yet wary, assessing your expression, “but I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there all by yourself. I shouldn’t… have blown you off like that and forgotten about you.” He delivers this bluntly—honestly—as open as a boy of his nature can muster with arms spread out, willingly exposing him to his faults and your reprisals.

Looking at you, he finds your eyes are cast to the floor, assuming to be reflecting on his words carefully. After some deliberation, you come across the vermillion in his eyes.

“Frankly, I haven’t entirely forgiven you just yet. But I will say that despite how I’ve been acting, I’m not as mad at you as you think,” is what you give, and Bakugou would be lying to himself if he didn’t achieve relief at your statement. He mentally releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding throughout the exchange. However, you aren’t done yet.

“I just want you to understand what moments like those mean to me. It’s during that time where I can share my feelings and learn more about you—understand who you are,” you say. Bakugou latches onto every word. “And it goes both ways, you know. It’s hard to want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make an effort to make time for you.” It’s obvious you aim that comment at him as Bakugou’s eyes soften slightly hearing it. His calloused, glove-clad hands wrap into his palms. Man, he really was a jerk.

“Still… I know you’re making an effort to be sincere and that you’re genuinely sorry for what happened, especially considering how the others seem to have set this whole conversation up, right?” Bakugou winces over the Bakusquad’s ploy coming to light and makes a note not to follow along next time unless those dummies can scrape up a more elaborate plan.

Despite that, he presses on, “So, what does this mean?” A smile settles on the curve of your lips, sensing his impatience as his voice hastens you along.

“Well…” you begin, speech drawn out in anticipation as you step toward him to where Bakugou follows your movements. That is until he catches a few shadowy figures shifting around atop the small building behind you. Before you can open your mouth to continue, his instincts flare to life.

“Hey, look out!” he exclaims, already acting on his warnings by lunging forward to push you out of the way. Your breaths draw back into your lungs, your body thrust abruptly into the opposite direction. Landing on your butt, you wince at both the shock and the pain, but your whines desist when you witness Bakugou taking a force to the head as a result of coming to your aid.

“Katsuki!” you yell, immediately getting off the ground to rush to his side, but he can’t find it in himself to respond. Afflicted with a substantial blow to the crown of his head, his whole being throbs and his vision spins.

Fuck, is Y/n, okay? is the first thing on his mind, ignoring the liquid trickling down his forehead. His question is answered upon turning his head to meet your anxious expression—your eyes wide and lips quivering as they move to say words he can’t exactly make out beneath the pounding sensations consuming his mind. As he feels a set of arms wrap around him, he tries discerning his surroundings to form a reply, but can only capture bits and pieces.

“—tsuki! ...old… n!”

“...god—! I’m so dead!”

A sputter of words tangling together is the last he hears before his vision fades to black.

The next time Bakugou awakes, his eyes slowly sever open to come face-to-face with a blurry white ceiling. The lights assault his vision as his senses take time to adjust, unraveling the environment to realize he’s laying on a bed—a hospital bed to be precise.

He attempts lifting himself but is met with retaliation in the form of his pulsating head which he immediately flinches at. His hand goes to rub his scalp to soothe the ache and he finds bandages wrapped tightly around him. “What the hell happened?” The last he remembers is traversing the urban area with you for the capture the flag mission before finally confronting the subject that had been plaguing your minds for a week now. After that, he caught sight of some object descending toward you and before he had even realized it, his feet had moved on their own. Next thing he knows, he’s waking up in the nurse’s office with a headache from hell.

Wait, what about you? Were you okay? Surely, he had to have pushed you out of the way in time, right?

His head moves quicker than it should’ve, revealing the other hospital bed in the room to be unoccupied, vacant. He sighs and his relief is further bolstered by the door to the nurse’s room opening to unveil you unharmed with only your heavy look of concern troubling him.

“Katsuki, oh thank god, you’re okay!” you say, quickly pacing over to his side with a glass of water in hand. You leave it at his bedside, sitting before him. Gauging your appearance up and down, Bakugou tries making out even the smallest details.

“You aren’t hurt?”

You’re appalled he would ask this despite clearly being the one patched up in a hospital bed right now, and likely sporting some serious head trauma.

“Of course I am, you’re the one that lunged forward to protect me,” you tell him. Bakugou looks down at his lap, figuring that was what happened, but hearing it from you comforted him more than he thought. However, his comfort is wretched from him by the intense pressure persisting in his skull. Seeing him in pain, you urge him to lay down and rest.

“How the hell did I end up here anyway?”

You fidget with your fingers, hesitating on answering. At that, the blond lifts a brow, suspicious.

“Mineta… accidentally dropped a rock on your head.”

“...You gotta be joking, right?”

Bakugou leers hard, finding the reason he was out of commission to be a damn pebble hitting his head a detriment to his pride. And because of Mineta of all fucking people. Still, if he hadn’t acted as quickly as he did, you would’ve been the one to meet his fate instead, and he weighed this outcome to better than the former.

Then you explain how the teachers had temporarily intervened to bring his unconscious body to the nurse’s, where the old lady went about tending to his injury. Said she did her job and all he needed was to rest and let her quirk take fuller effect within that time.

“So did we win the game?” He switches the topic to today’s mission of capture the flag that was cut short on his end.

You shake your head, but at least grant him the benefit of knowing Mineta’s team ended up placing last. At that, his eyelids shut and he crosses his arms behind his bandaged head. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t my intention to win anyway.”

You give him a look. “...Liar.”

Bakugou cracks an eye open at you. “Hah? What do you mean I’m a fucking liar?”

“I know you, Katsuki. I dated you, after all. And the Katsuki that I dated is an arrogant, competitive jerk who thinks of being the best above all else.” Bakugou scrunches his nose, wondering what you’re implying through your... overly frank descriptions. “Still… he’s sweet and caring at times… and reliable when he needs to be,” you continue, tone softening that draws Bakugou in, “And the kind of guy I want to give a second chance to.”

Absorbing your words, Bakugou blinks. “S-Seriously?” He doesn’t mean to stutter, but the offer catches him off-guard. He replays what you just said. That’s what he heard, right? A second chance?

You giggle at how uncharacteristically astonished he sounds. “Yes, seriously.”

“Does that mean you forgive me for what happened last week?”

You hum between pursed lips in playful contemplation. “Well, maybe you can redeem yourself by going on another date with me then?”

Hearing your proposal, a wide grin arcs his lips, edging into a smirk.

“That’s it? Well, I can definitely fucking do that,” he states, confidence rejuvenating his body at the new, hopeful chance before him.

“Oh, just one more thing though,” you suddenly add.

“What?”

“We are not going to that Chinese Restaurant again.”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha imagine #mha imagine #bakugou fic #bakugo fic #bnha fic

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cheekypriest · 4 months ago

Text

He saw the sudden change as soon as it swept across the detective, how he seemed to tense to the very core of his being, a part of him itching to throw any defence he could muster to keep the topic at bay. James knew that feeling well, although he came across as rather casual about most things, talking about the night he'd lost his parents still stung his ageing heart. It wasn't that he couldn't talk about it, or simply summarise the events of that night, but he just didn't want to. It had happened, it had shaped him into the man he was now, the path he'd chosen to walk and there was no amount of thought or wishing that would ever change it, ever make it right. So, why become bogged down by it? Why let it fester in an already mighty chasm of horrors that experience had piled up on top ever since? He'd even reached the stage where he could manage a few witty remarks during brief explanations if needed, he'd answer, tell them about it, but it certainly wasn't because he liked to do so.

On the surface, he always seemed to calm, so collected. Maybe he was, to some degree, he met every challenge with both determination but also acceptance that any day now could be his last, that he'd slip up and lose everything he had left. He wasn't even sure where he'd end up at the end of it all, with all he'd done to protect people from the literal personification of evil, would he end up in Heaven? Or given his tendency for throwing a sin or two around rather carelessly, would he end up in Hell? Either way, it didn't matter to him. He'd stay true to himself and fight the good fight regardless of what God thought about him. It wasn't about him, it was about the innocent people he sought to protect.

So, who was he to judge someone for their own sins? No man was without sin, himself more than most people would ever expect, so priest or not, how could ever look down on someone like Connor for simply being wired differently? Wasn't he wired differently too in his own way? "If I were trying to get a confession out of you, I'd have brought in the big guns already." Another joke to try and ease him a little, just needing to reassure him that he wasn't about to give him some holy lecture about whatever it was that would pass his lips. Again, who was James to judge?

But as he spoke, the Brit remained silent, patient, every movement slow and gentle as if he feared a sudden move might startle the other man like a frightened deer and he'd scamper away into the bushes -- - his answers along with him. He needed the detective to know that he was listening, absorbing every word and doing his utmost to understand. Maybe not perfectly, he couldn't always put himself in the exact shoes of those who came to him or those he spoke to, but he could try and see it from their point of view as best he could.

But his first question wasn't going to be a particularly easy one. Slowly, James began to sit forward, his expression pensive as he placed his other leg back onto the floor between them and finally softened his brow. "Was it traumatised into you?" For once, there wasn't even the slightest flicker of amusement on his face, no sliver of a joke behind those old blue eyes that had literally stared down Hell itself -- - twice. "You don't have to answer, all right? I'm just... curious, that's all." It helped, getting these glimpses into the other man's mind, let him see the damage that was already there, or just gauge the consequences of letting a whole other layer of the world be ripped away if he dared take that step into the supernatural. He already saw so much just being a detective, was there more underneath it? Was it right to pile even more on top? Would it finally break him?

Of course, James didn't think the American weak, but there was only so much people could take and everyone had different limits. Himself? Maybe he was already too far gone, too far down the rabbit hole, looking at his breaking point in the rearview mirror? When things did truly test every last morsel of his character, it was whisky that comforted him, alongside a few sneaky cigarettes that would have him practically hanging outside his living room window in Rome so that he could grasp a few hefty puffs into his lungs and put himself back together all over again.

Yet there was something else that caught him as well. The empathy thing was definitely something to be tucked away for another time, it didn't overly worry him too much, he certainly wouldn't label him as a general danger to people on a daily basis, but it was something to note down just in case. He liked to think that Connor would understand that as well, just taking in every bit of him and piecing it together like a jigsaw puzzle. It wasn't out of judgment or anything of the sort, but simply to understand. Though this time, James sat up a little and stretched his neck with a slight nod of his head. "Sometimes it's from the offender's perspective?" He tried to finish the male's sentence, brows still gentle, sparkling genuine intent to listen, to learn and even to care. At times it was maybe easy to forget that beneath all that dry wit and charm, there was still a man who cared -- - and he cared deeply.

At the end of the day, it all fell to the point he intended to get across to Connor, albeit taking the long way around rather than diving in head first and either offending the guy or making him think that the Brit needed to go for a psychological evaluation. Then again, he might still think the latter once they were done. "Doesn't make you a bad person, you know." He felt the need to remind him, letting him see that he wasn't sitting there labelling the man as some sort of sociopath or something similar. "And yeah, you're first thought might be to presume I'm just here blowing smoke up your arse. Some holier-than-thou priest who's about to bang on about how all can be forgiven and how only God can judge you..." He continued, never breaking eye contact. "But right now, I'm not talking to you as a priest, Connor. I'm talking to you as a friend. Maybe more of an acquaintance at present, but I'm sure we'll be holding hands and singing Kumbaya together in no time." That wit was back again, it never left for too long. "So, tell me, what's the worst thing you've seen yourself do? And again, I'm not forcing you to give me an answer. It might not seem like it, but it'll all make sense soon enough."

As if the vague imaginings of the priest dodging scooters & showing compassion for strays hadn’t already elicited a feeling of charmed amusement, the description offered by Rutherford had Connor chuckling to himself lightly into one hand. Ever the demure creature, one who played well as being coy when he was anything but. The detective liked the idea of visiting Rome. He expected that the culture, the Mediterranean climate & rustic cuisine would be a nice change for a time, perhaps inspiring a new kind of introspection in him that his home state had not. Connors eyes followed his host as he moved about the room, gathering a glass & pouring himself a stiff drink. Though he was clearly shaken by this whole situation, the older man was calm, still seeing fit to tease & make banter.

It took an inner strength of character to face one’s fears with such regulated decorum. The detective observed as he wondered to himself how many places Rutherford had been, what experiences he had gained in life. He seemed a wealth of knowledge & patience, having grown wiser with age. He was also a cheeky bastard, never passing up a moment to flirt with his younger guest. That prideful side of Connor thrived on it. He wanted more. Though outwardly, he displayed a poised air of attentiveness, his mind was buzzing with anticipation of future prospects.

If he were given the chance, he would absolutely ask this man out for a drink. The detective didn’t partake in such vices often, preferring the numbing, corrosive high of nervous chain smoking when it suited him, but he could be persuaded. Besides, he knew of some beautiful views in the city. It wasn’t Italy, but it was nice.

Those silent internal musings faded as Rutherford came to sit before him once more, for as he settled himself into the chair, a question arose. Several. Inquiries which gave the detective pause as his subconscious mind suddenly felt the desire to withdraw. The invisible realm within Connor wished to escape, throw up its defenses. Outwardly, it manifested in a faintly hitched breath, in momentarily pitted pupils. The pretty youth shifted slightly in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. A slender leg came up to cross at the knee, over the other, almost mirroring Rutherford. A closed-off gesture. He was keenly aware of his body language, & chastised himself inwardly for giving himself away.

He tried to make light of this turn of events, a small laugh escaping him as his eyes drifted askance, as though avoiding that intense gaze upon him. “Still trying to persuade me into confession.” His dusky voice held a flirtatious tone, but the same energy of before was absent. He knew the priest would hear it, that he would figure him out. Connor didn’t like talking about himself to other people. He didn’t appreciate the stigma surrounding his strange mind, & he felt threatened by the idea of others finding him out. But then, was that really what he was feeling now? A passive contemplation of his own emotional state at this abrupt shift in conversational topic forced Connor to approach his personal perspective on this exchange. Though assurances were made on both ends, the detective worried that his was the only genuine one. Even as he knew that wasn’t the case - he sensed no deception with the priest's intentions.

He was being genuine. Whatever the cause of the nightmares which plagued the young detective, he wasn’t going to be judged. Though as Connor contemplated how he would approach this - brush the queries off with vague responses to pacify the priest, or to be truthful with him - he found himself leaning towards the latter. Rutherford… James had been sincere with him. He needed to be sincere in return. Besides, if anyone was going to be leaving this meeting questioning the other’s sanity, it would be the priest.

A slow, steady intake of breath. Grounding. Released as a small sigh from his nose. Connor’s gaze returned to that of the priest. A brief pause as he set his coffee cup aside, let his hands return to fold neatly in his lap. A mirrored image of calm, his tightly crossed legs loosened somewhat, tense muscles relaxing. A sign of openness. A willingness to communicate. His voice was somewhat hushed as he began.

“They’re reconstructions.” It felt vague at first, nonsensical. Connor allowed that meager morsel to hang in the air a moment, enough to entice, before continuing. “I have a… unique mind.” An understatement. His eyes fell but a split second, returning to their mutual gaze. He was searching for the right words. Always so careful. “I have a condition that’s… relatively rare. A person can be born with this kind of brain chemistry, or it can be traumatized into them. Either way, it manifests itself with time.” He didn’t care to explain how for him & his brothers, it had been both. How their upbringing had been a catalyst as much as it was a way to nurture a shared experience of uniqueness known only to them. No one else thought quite how the triplets thought. No one else could see quite how they saw.

Connor swallowed against the feeling of growing dryness in his throat. He didn’t want to ruin whatever potential there might have been between he & the priest, so he was adamant to approach this mindfully. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing & scare James off.

“There are some issues with empathy &... other aspects.” A lack of self preservation, a dogged relentlessness. A cruel streak that rarely showed itself, but was always possible. The detective didn’t elaborate. He chose to move on. “That condition also provided us with certain talents that we perfected together. My brothers & I can see past events from the clues left behind, & reconstruct them in our minds eye.” That imaginative capability, while astoundingly intriguing to an outside viewpoint, had manifested itself into the mind of a homicide detective. Suddenly the vague euphemisms about bad dreams took on a whole new light. “Sometimes it’s from the victims perspective. Sometimes…” He let the sentence trail off, watching James with those soft, attentive eyes, somewhat fretful. He worried what the man was thinking.

#replicantdeviancy #𝙞𝙘 #𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚: 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮 && 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 #{ it's all good don't worry! xD }#{ but yeah that'd be perfect lol }#{ then the possessed person starts spouting things that only Connor and his brother would know }#{ and James is just looking at him like: explain THAT mr smarty-pants xD }

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kindahoping4forever · 3 years ago

Text

Feedback // Ashton Irwin

I've been sitting on this fic for a minute so thank you to everyone who's patiently waited for me to post it (shoutout to Sly)! This story was really just me getting inspired and clowning after Ashton's "Down To Earth" IG stream back in April. As always, thanks to @cal-puddies for the invaluable guidance as I tried to pare my writing style down into a pwp format (try being the operative word, 3500 words is still the best we could do lmao).

Warnings: Distracted Boyfriend!Ash, oral sex on a male, moderately rough unprotected sex (on the red leather couch) including mild dirty talk, brief choking and a spank or two.

Word Count: 3535

Masterlist // Ko-Fi and New 2021 Taglist linked above

Let me know what you think!

"Baby! I didn't know you were home!"

You turn around to see Ashton in the doorway of the bedroom, voice as cheerful as the yellow beanie covering his head.

"Didn't hear you come in," he comments, walking over to you.

You slide your arms around your boyfriend’s neck with a sigh. "Rushed up here, phone was about two seconds from shutting off," you explain, greeting him with a tender kiss.

He watches as you kick off your shoes and yank your bra off under your shirt, tossing everything haphazardly in the direction of the closet before flinging yourself on the bed. "Tough day?"

You groan, dragging your hands over your face before extending your arms, encouraging him to join you. “Eh, not great and very long,” you report, giving a satisfied sigh when Ash climbs on the bed and immediately pulls you on top of him, wrapping his arms around you tightly. You do the same and the both of you lay quietly in this prone embrace for several peaceful moments before you break the silence. “How about you, how was your day?”

You feel him shrug under your body. “Can’t complain,” is his simple reply.

“Make anything cool?” You prompt, knowing he’s being low-key because he thinks you need to chill out, not realizing nothing relaxes you more than listening to him talk about his passions.

“Hmm… anything cool...” Ash giggles, hugging you closer. “I dunno, got a good start goin’ on this one track that could be pretty cool, got a nice vibe.”

You raise your head up to look at him and scratch your fingers across his beard, you’re so glad he decided to let it grow again. “Yeah? Tell me more.”

He hums as you continue to rub his face. “Only been at it for a couple hours, ‘s just a track for now, we’ll see what I can do with it,�� he breezes, moving your hand from his face to his mouth so he can kiss it.

“Well, whenever you feel like you need a fresh pair of ears, I’d love to hear it,” you enthuse, moving to lay at his side.

He turns to give you a bright grin. “Yeah? A little in-house focus group?” He teases, leaning in for a sweet kiss that starts to get needy the longer it goes on.

You pull off his hat, running your fingers through his long hair as he moves to kiss along your neck. “Don’t know if you know this but I’m a big fan of your work,” you tease back.

He kisses your lips again, biting a bit as he pulls away to quip, “We talking ‘bout my music or something else?”

You giggle, deciding that indulging this frisky mood is exactly how you would like to unwind tonight. You inch closer, pulling him back into a kiss and he responds eagerly, hand coming up to massage at the base of your neck like it always does. For the next few minutes, the only thoughts in your mind revolve around Ashton, how he feels, how he tastes and where you need his mouth or hands on you next.

When you let out a moan at the way his fingers are gripping your skin under your shirt and he doesn’t press himself against you in response, you can tell he’s gotten distracted. You laugh knowingly against his lips, “You’re back to thinking about that song now, aren’t you?”

He looks at you with a sheepish smile. “I was actually still workin’ and came up here just to grab a hoodie when I found you.”

You playfully push him off of you, shaking your head. “Dude, you should’ve told me! You know I’m not one to fuck with The Process,” you admonish, scrunching your nose up at the trail of kisses he pecks over your face as he sits up.

“Nah, my brain needed a break and my girl needed me, it worked out perfectly,” he insists, rubbing your arm affectionately before getting off the bed.

He quickly fishes his desired sweatshirt out of the closet and pulls it on over his t-shirt, mussing his hair even more than you already had. He walks back over, ready to kiss you goodbye when you sit up on your knees to stop him. “I was serious about giving it a listen if ya want,” you say, smoothing his hair down before resting your hands on top of his inside his hoodie pocket. “If you’re not ready that’s fine but just FYI I‘m interested.”

Ash grins at you, squeezing your hands before using them to pull you to your feet. “Aww, you know you’re my fave audience, baby,” he gushes, reaching to grab his hat off the bed. “Let’s go give it a spin.”

“Well. As much as you can ‘spin’ a computer file,” you mutter, trying to annoy him just because it’s fun.

As you head for the door, you hear him snort behind you a split second before he grabs you, sliding his beanie on your head far enough to cover your eyes; you burst into giggles as he playfully bumps into you, passing you in the hallway. “Smart ass,” he grumbles, voice still smiling.

Ash makes it down to the basement first and starts clicking on files and flicking switches, excited to play his work for you. You stop at the foot of the stairs and survey the room with wonder. Multiple guitars - electric, acoustic, bass, 12-string - are strewn across the room, cables run from his computer to the adjacent room where he houses his drums, food delivery containers line the coffee table; he’s clearly been down here since you left this morning.

While he sets up, you make yourself useful, setting the guitars back in their racks, stacking the food trash; when you’re done, you start to drag a chair over to the computer when you notice he’s staring at you like you’ve grown an extra head.

“What are ya mad at me or somethin’?” He scoffs, patting his legs and looking at you expectantly.

You smirk and take a seat in his lap, watching closely as his long fingers fly over the keyboard, hand adeptly working the mouse, making a few final adjustments to the track. You hear a quiet “there we go” under his breath and then he’s settling in, pulling you back against him and rubbing over your thighs as you wait for the song to begin.

It’s a simple demo so far - layered background vocals, drum and bass, some synth, a little guitar line here and there - but he’s right, it’s definitely a vibe. You’re pleased that his reflection is visible in the computer screen, you love seeing him grooving behind you, pursing his lips and nodding his head along to the beat as you feel his fingers tapping along on your waist while he holds you close.

The track is short and before he can even ask your opinion, you tell him to play it again; his face lights up at your request and he proudly complies. When it finishes this time, you shift to look at him and smile. “That’s wild you did that all yourself and in such a short amount of time,” you marvel. “See, I was right, you did do something cool.”

Ashton laughs, kissing the side of your head as he leans forward to reach the keyboard. “You think so? Well, what’s really cool is this…” He starts clicking around again, isolating the different elements and revealing which sounds are electronic and which are live instruments, which section he thinks he’ll write lyrics over tomorrow, where he’s thinking of pasting in more guitar.

You respond when appropriate but mostly you just listen intently, watching fondly as he animatedly details his thought process; this is why you offered to come down here with him, this is the best part about being his “fave audience.” You love his music but more than that, you love how much he loves his music.

He stops mid-explanation of a section to tinker with it, clearly having a brainstorm right in front of you. You curl into his chest, observing quietly as he cycles through effects and begins stacking tracks. He chews his lip, deep in thought as he lets the song play again and you can't help but press a few kisses to his jaw.

Ash continues his work and you continue yours, moving from his jaw to his neck; your kisses eventually become more heated, with you adding tongue and even teeth to the equation. You suck his earlobe into your mouth, wiggling his earring with the tip of your tongue and finally he pulls away, chuckling, "Baby, come on."

You shrug, playing with his hair. "I just love watching you work."

He laughs, "Then goddamn, baby, let me work!" He growls as you nip at his throat and you smile to yourself because you can tell he's already rethinking his request.

"Seems like you shoulda thought about this before you invited a girl down to your basement to listen to some dreamy space pop alien makeout jam," you tease, relishing the feeling of his laughter vibrating his throat under your tongue.

"Can I get you to leave that review when this goes up on iTunes?" He cracks, finally turning his attention to you.

"I might be persuaded," you flirt, humming with victory as he pulls you into a hungry kiss.

Ashton wastes no time returning the affection you showed him, lips devouring yours, hands quickly making their way under your shirt to lazily massage your tits. You’re mid-moan, his fingers just about to make it inside your waistband when suddenly he’s pulling away.

It takes you a beat to realize what’s happened, your body confused by the sudden absence of his touch. You open your eyes to see him busy at the computer again and it’s so absurd to you, you have to laugh.

“Two minutes,” he says half-apologetically, half-distracted, squeezing your thigh but not taking his eyes off the screen.

You smirk to yourself, immediately aware of what your next move is. “Take as long as you need, baby. When genius strikes, you gotta go for it,” you state ominously, not that he notices. Nor does he notice you sliding yourself off his lap and onto the floor between his legs.

You run your hands up and down his thick thighs before letting your touch wander to the front of his jeans, palming over his crotch, happy to find that at least part of him was interested in your makeout session. You can’t decide if you’re more amused or annoyed by his focus but it’s not until your hand is on his cock, freeing him from his pants that he tears himself away from his project.

“Excuse me, ma’am, can I help you with something?”

You lock eyes with him as you stick your tongue out and dramatically lick your hand, coating your palm with saliva before giving his cock a tight squeeze and beginning to stroke him steadily. “I also had a genius idea I was just following through on,” you shrug. “Might take a little longer than two minutes, though, I’m a bit out of practice… my boyfriend’s been pretty busy.”

Ash giggles wildly, both at your joke and your audacity. “You’re crazy, I’m literally about to be done with… fuck…” His retort is interrupted by you, eyes still trained on his, licking long stripes up the sides of his cock, sucking gently at the head before licking your way back down.

“Go ahead and finish your work, baby, I’ll just keep busy until you’re done,” you insist, mischief in your eyes as you look up one last time before taking him into your mouth.

You hear a sharp inhale, a softly chuckled “fuckin’ ridiculous” and then finally, mouse clicks as he attempts to get back to it. You do your best to distract him, bobbing up and down enthusiastically, sucking loudly, humming around him, making sure he knows how much you’re enjoying your task.

It only takes a minute or so for him to get sidetracked by your efforts. “This is a shitty home demo I’ve spent all of 90 minutes on, there’s no way it’s so good you just had to have my cock right here and now,” he insists, struggling to keep his voice steady, not wanting you to hear how affected he is.

You pop off, gingerly playing with his balls as you zing back, “I dunno babe, you guys had plenty of shitty songs on your first album and from what I’ve heard, you did more than alright in the pussy department.”

Ashton’s laughter quickly turns to a strained moan as you slide back down on him, letting him hit the back of your throat. “My bad, didn’t realize I’d shacked up with a groupie,” he jokes. You silently congratulate yourself as you notice him flexing his hand into a fist, knowing he’s trying to keep himself from pressing down on your head.

You pull off him again, making sure to let the spit cascade from your mouth as you smugly reply, “Like I said before: big fan.” Before he can even think about responding, your mouth is back on him.

You’re not surprised he attempts to resume working again; you’re both stubborn, it’s a wonder anything ever gets resolved in your relationship. You can tell he’s trying his best to stay on task but the whispered curses under his breath give him away. As a last resort, he turns the volume on his speaker up a few more notches, hoping the track will drown out the exaggerated choking sounds you’re intent on making.

A few moments later, he reaches down and yanks his beanie off your head. “Fuckin’ bright yellow bouncing over my crotch is hard to ignore,” he grumbles. “All I see is my hat, looks like I’m suckin’ my own dick for all I know.”

You can’t resist continuing to rib him. “How is that not your greatest fantasy? Your favorite person giving you your favorite pleasure?”

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, did you want to blow me or roast me?”

You give him your brightest smile and reply, “Unlike you, I’m pretty good at multi-tasking.”

A brief cackle and a clipped “alright” are all you hear before you’re being hoisted up off the ground, thrown over Ash’s shoulder and carried over to the couch across the room. You squeal with surprise and delight as he unceremoniously dumps you on it, briskly strips you both of your clothes and promptly bends you over the red leather.

He nudges your knees further apart, pressing you against the back of the couch. “Of course you’re this fuckin’ wet already,” he teases, breath hot on your neck as he runs himself through your folds. “You think that’s from my cock down your throat or from you winding me up so much?”

Whatever clever comeback you’d thought up dies on the tip of your tongue because suddenly he’s sliding his cock inside you and now that’s all you can care about. You whine as he quickly establishes a vigorous pace, one hand bracing himself against the couch, the other reaching around you, down your torso to reach your clit. “How’s this for multi-tasking?”

A few breathless cries of his name are the best you can manage as he relentlessly plays with you, somehow in perfect rhythm with his rough thrusts, sending your whole body into sensory overload.

“Or how ‘bout this?” He growls, moving his hand from between your legs to your throat, fingers offering just the slightest amount of pressure, knowing it’ll drive you crazy wondering if and when he’ll add more. “Don’t got any more funny jokes for me, baby?”

You moan at his taunting, placing a hand on top of his on your neck, trying to get him to squeeze harder; he refuses and his denial makes you moan even louder. "Jesus, Ash," you pant, pushing back against him to egg him on. “Feels so fucking good.”

You're so caught up that you don't even notice his song is still playing over the speakers until a few moments later when Ashton suddenly pulls out of you, muttering to himself as he grabs the remote from the coffee table and shuts the music off.

Confused, you look back and see him amusedly shaking his head. "Yes, I was still producing that in my head, don’t start," he giggles.

You fall back on the couch, laughing in disbelief. “We’ve gotta get you some hobbies, buddy, that’s insane.”

He snickers, laying you on your back and settling on the couch behind you, pulling your leg over his hip. “I don’t think fucking you counts as a hobby,” he jokes, gripping his cock and slipping it back inside you.

“Not with that attitude,” you quip, a little more breathlessly than you meant to but with how slowly Ash is rocking into you, you can’t help it.

You tilt towards him, angling yourself to pull his mouth down to yours; you’re feeling overwhelmed and you need him close. His tongue traces over your lips, his kiss the familiar reassurance you need in this moment. “Ash…” You whimper quietly, closing your eyes and savoring the feel of his beard grazing your skin.

“I know, baby, me too,” he soothes, cradling you tighter against him. His hips begin to pick up speed and his hand moves to knead your breasts and tug at your nipples before travelling further down.

Ashton rubs slow, tight circles on your clit, stopping to give your thigh a light smack when you start raising your hips a little too eagerly, bucking up in an attempt to get him to move at a speed more to your liking. You moan first at the realization that he’s going to keep teasing you like this and then again, louder, at the sharp slap of his palm that once again comes down on your skin.

“You’ve got a nice tone tonight, baby, I should get you to lay down some vocals for this track,” he jokes, choking back a moan of his own when your surprised laughter causes you to clench around his length.

You chuckle smugly at him, “Not so funny all of a sudden, huh?”

You feel yourself getting closer so you start rolling your hips along with his, murmuring at the feeling of him deep inside you; you grind against his hand playing between your legs and as he finally amps up the pace, your release becomes closer and closer to reality. Your breathing syncs with his in a needy, staccato rhythm that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in his song.

“Is this what you wanted?” He huffs out. Typically when he asks you that while he’s buried in you, there’s a tone of arrogance or punishment behind it but right now as he holds you, your sounds continuing to meld together, it couldn’t feel farther from that.

“Yes, Ash, god yes…” you breathe, reaching to hold onto him as your orgasm overtakes you.

Ashton keeps driving his cock inside you, whining slightly at the feeling of you pulsing around him. You cry out, not realizing how loud or long your moans are until you hear his voice in your ear, gently lulling you back down.

He’s still moving inside you, hips beginning to stutter and when you hear his breath catch, you know he’s there. You tuck yourself into him, cooing, “Come on, Ash... fill me up, babe.” Three strokes later and he’s pumping his cum inside you, gasping your name. He slows his movements, heavy breath underscored by a contented hum as you caress his bearded cheek.

He leans in and kisses you passionately, completely enveloping you, possibly your favorite feeling in the world. He exhales loudly and keeps holding you, kissing over your face tenderly.

You giggle as he indulges for a moment before reluctantly pulling away, reaching for the takeout napkins on the coffee table; he attentively cleans you up and quickly settles back onto the couch, pulling you on top of him.

You lay together, blissed out, while you play with the necklace hanging down on his chest and he strokes over your hair.

“Hey, sorry I gave you such a hard time,” you smile. “Didn’t realize how much I wanted your attention until I didn’t have it anymore.”

He looks at you, amused. “Honestly didn’t notice you acting any differently.”

You jab his side. “Also sorry I talked shit about your first album, I do actually like it quite a bit.”

Ash cackles, tracing designs on your back. “Oh good, I was worried that was going to be what finally drives us apart,” he cracks.

You snicker, nuzzling your head into his chest. You enjoy a few quiet moments together before he begins softly humming an unfamiliar melody and you smile, knowing his creative wheels are turning again.

You lift your head up again to offer one last apology. “I’m sorry I once again disrupted The Process.”

Ashton laughs mischievously, running his hands down your body. “I mean… overall I’d say this was some pretty valuable feedback.”

————-

Thank you to everyone who has signed up for the taglist, both for the support and the lovely (occasionally hilarious) feedback! If you haven’t signed up yet, the form is linked above! (If you signed up and your name is crossed out or not listed, I was unable to tag you, please check your blog settings and either re-sign up or send me a message letting me know you allow mentions now) @notinthesameguey @cxddlyash @2fangirl4u @cashtonasfuck @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @saywhatnow07 @mymindwide @suchalonelysunflower @pxrxmoore @findingliam-o @fedorable-killjoys @trix-arent-for-kids @olivia-foster-irwin @saphseoul @calmsweetcreature @onthecliffside-mgc @feliznavidaddycal @himbohood @maggiesupertramp @wiiildflowerrr @karajaynetoday @ashtonangst @sunshineeashton @aladyofalbion @youngblood199456 @xsongbirdx @loveroflrh @fairytrice @calumrose @irwindoll @polycashton @in-superbloom

#5sos smut #5 seconds of summer smut #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin fic #ashton smut #kindahoping4forever #Feedback #kh4f fic #smut #thank you for reading!#feedback is appreciated #reblogs are gold and reblogs with tags makes you yourself golden #idk why that's a preexisting tag but I'm going with it lmao the point is let me know what you think pls!#this is the last fic I have banked so hopefully my health will chill so I can finish up at least one of those WIPs I've been hyping #also um hello we really don't talk enough about the fact that Ash produced a fucking song live on IG & then just dropped it on Twitter lol #like wtf how blessed were we #and looking like that as well #big sigh

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kohakuarisaka · 4 years ago

Text

Untamed (chapter 2 of 5)

Takami Keigo x (fem!)Reader

[ SUMMARY ] Every year, without fail, Hawks went into a rut: when autumn began, and then again in early spring. He would honker down up north in a secluded cabin. For the first time, he brought you with him.

[ WARNINGS ] R18+ for graphic sexual content and language. Non-canon compliant: Hawks’ quirk does not work like this. Reader is a hero that works at Hawks agency. Pre-existing relationship. Reader is a female with female genitalia. Feral behavior. Rutting. Biting. Spanking. Slight BDSM. Consensual sex. Wing kink. Oral sex. Romantic relationship.

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5

[ My BNHA Fanfic Masterlist ] ~ [ Also on my AO3 ]

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As it turned out, 'secluded cabin' was a pretty accurate statement.

Hawks had arranged for a very discreet hero taxi service to drive you the 5-hour trip from Musutafu to a quaint mountainous village that was so small and quiet, you almost doubted it was even on the map.

Past the snowy village, through the winding roads and towering trees, over a bridge, past a frozen lake, and then some miles off the main road, tucked away in a small clearing, was a beautiful cabin.

While the days were steadily growing warmer as spring rapidly approached, it still snowed at night. The snow had melted off the trees from the warmth of the midday sun; but, there was still a light blanket of white on the rooftop and across the surrounding grounds.

There were no poles lining the street, nothing that could bring electricity to the house; however, you could see what was likely a generator tucked away in the back. Someone had propped the cover off and cleaned out the snow.

At that sight, it became obvious that Hawks had beat you here. He already taken to clearing the snow out of the entry way as well, exposing a beautiful cobblestone pathway.

You exited the vehicle and retrieved your bags from the trunk. The very second you closed the hatch, the driver made a speedy exit, wheels skidding in the snow as they backed out before doing a sharp U-turn and barreling down the road.

Luckily, the entrance to the cabin opened before you could worry that you had just been abandoned in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough, Hawks stepped out, wild blonde locks brushed back, a little fluffier than usual due to the change in humidity.

Despite how cold it was, he was wearing a black tank top and loose, light grey sweat pants. He even stepped out onto the cold stone pathway with bare feet. Yet, with a light flush to his skin, he didn't look cold at all.

You had been making a face when he approached, and he offered an explanation, uttering, "I told 'em not to linger. It's suspicious."

Some large plumes departed his wingspan and grabbed at your luggage, one even pulling your shoulder bag off your back. They whipped away, bags in tow, and zipped past Hawks and through the doorway, disappearing into the cabin.

The winged hero didn't immediately usher you inside, as he usually did in these types of situations, but arched over you suddenly, arms bringing you into a tight embrace while his lips captured yours.

The sudden closeness forced your back to arch. Unconsciously, your hands fell onto his barely clothed shoulders, and you felt how warm he was. If you didn't know any better, you would have thought he was running a fever.

The kiss was brief, but uncharacteristically messy, not that you were complaining. It was a kiss of longing, like he had missed you dearly, as if it had been months and not a day and a half.

He pulled back, a distant, albeit blissful, look on his face. His eyelids sagged as if he was tired, but the gold of his iris was bright and his pupils were focused.

"I didn't get to clean yet, but - ugh - do you wanna see inside?" he asked, some slight nervousness to his tone.

"Yeah," you breathed.

Hawks stepped aside and you gently brushed past him and stepped inside. The wood floors creaked softly beneath your feet as you crossed the threshold. Immediately, you were hit with a wonderful scent, earthy, like tree bark, but sweet, like raw honey.

It was a decent sized cabin, spacious and not heavily furnished. The kitchen was on the small side, but seemingly to accommodate a larger living room.

As Hawks had warned, there was a thin layer of dust all across the wood floors. The furniture was covered by clear tarps, shielding them from the debris.

The dining area tucked away in the corner had a chabudai in place of a western style table. It was small and clearly only intended for two people. You had a feeling it was new, considering how spotless it looked compared to the rest of the cabin.

A huge, stone fireplace rested against the north wall, surrounded by large windows that gave a beautiful view of the outside. They were adorned with heavy curtains, pulled back to let the sunlight in.

Hawks was lingering, following close, staring down at you as you walked around and took in the sight of the place. When your eyes landed on him, and you caught his unblinking stare, you realized he was awaiting feedback.

It startled you a little, for Hawks wasn't the kind to fuss over these sorts of things; but, you had a decent enough understanding of what a rut was to know what was going through his head.

"Relax, birdbrain," you cooed, reaching up to tap gently at his cheek with a closed palm. That seemed to knock him out of his stupor, for he blinked and suddenly looked sheepish. He flickered his gold eyes away, as if to give you space.

"I love it," you praised, looking back into the living area. "Cozy, and smells nice."

You heard him exhale a relieved sigh through his nostrils.

"We should get to work. Where's the cleaning stuff?" you asked, peeling your jacket off.

"Oh. I'll-" he began.

"You'll let me help," you interrupted him gently.

When you turned back to face him, and saw the bewildered expression he was wearing, you wondered if maybe that wasn't the right thing to fit with his current state.

"Unless that's... bad?" you offered uncertainly, shoulders sagging.

Hawks laughed suddenly at the sunken expression on your face, as if the joyous sound came sputtering out against his will.

"No," he answered softly, leaning in suddenly for another kiss, as if he couldn't help it. You didn't get a chance to kiss back before he was retreating.

"Don't change," he sighed. "I want you as you, not as my..."

"-subservient housewife?" you offered, just a little teasing.

He chuckled softly, breathing out a harsh, "fuck, no."

Hawks maneuvered around you and headed for what you guessed was a supply closet. Inside, the cleaning gear was also neatly packaged in containers and safe from dust.

It made sense, how neatly arranged everything was. Hawks was a fairly neat person; but, it was also clear that he had this whole thing down, neatly tuned and properly sorted out. He had been coming here for years, after all.

This place was special to him. That much was clear.

The two of you started to dusting and sweeping, followed by a diligent mopping, with the two of you working in tandem.

Hawks was fairly quiet during the whole ordeal, seemingly focused sternly on the task at hand. It had been his nest for years. This was hardly anything new; but, it was now going to be yours, too.

He didn't tell you that he had been worried he would react negatively to your presence. He didn't always react rationally during this time. Seemingly average things would sometimes irritate him, and a part of the possessive onslaught included this abode.

Fortunately, that hadn't been the case. Cleaning the cabin with you was soothing. He wasn't unaware of the obvious implication: that you were preparing a nest together, your shared nest. He didn't say it aloud, but you had come to that realization, as well.

It had actually calmed him quite a bit. He had been on edge before you arrived, skin prickled with heat and sweating unreasonably considering the cold. Those weren't abnormal during his ruts; but, it felt intensified with that knowledge that you were going to be here.

Darkness swept across the forest as the hours dragged on. Luckily, you were just about finished by the time it got dark.

There was a neat stack of firewood arranged on a carrier near the fireplace, making you wonder if that was what he had worked on before your arrival. The logs looked freshly cut and heavy.

Crimson feathers delivered logs to the hearth. Hawks retrieved a set of matches from a cubby near the carrier and then kneeled before the hearth. He set one of the matches ablaze and carefully ignited the firewood arranged in the pit.

Warmth and light flooded the cabinet. Plumes gathered along the edges of the curtains and pulled them back, covering the windows. When they returned to his wingspan, he stepped back and monitored the fire briefly.

While cleaning, you had learned there was a cellar and partial second story, as well as an indoor bathroom. It seemed that the main use of the generator was to power the water heater and indoor plumbing.

The cellar was small, down a short flight of stairs, with concrete floors and walls, the perfect size for containing a month's worth of food and supplies, far more than was necessary for just a week.

The second story was a loft that oversaw the living room, giving a great view of the fireplace. There was no safety railing on the upstairs, likely for the very obvious fact that Hawks could fly. There was, at least, a staircase.

Upstairs, there was a large bed frame with a plush mattress, wrapped up tight to protect from dust, a large chest pressed up against the wall, and a desk without a chair.

After he removed the bed cover, you watched Hawks pull neatly folded blankets and pillow cases out the chest. It was fascinating to see someone, who normally slept wherever his body landed, so meticulously prepare the bedding: layers and layers of blankets, followed by dressing the pillows and laying them out.

It was especially perplexing because of the intense, concentrated look on his face. He had been so focused that he hadn't even realized that you had paused what you were doing to watch him.

Luckily, you caught yourself staring before he did, and shuffled back downstairs before he could notice.

A sudden howling had startled you, before a sharp wind rattled against the shutters. Something was thumping gently against the roof and when the wind picked up, you could almost hear the trees shuddering outside.

"It's snowing," Hawks observed, suddenly at your side.

You could see a glimpse of crimson in the corner of your eye, and realized he had a wing fanned out around you, not quite close enough to touch, but hovering. Maybe, he hadn't even realized he was doing that.

"Oh," you answered quietly.

Together, you prepared dinner, settling for a classic favorite of his: yakitori chicken and stir fry noodles.

Eating dinner together, and talking about nothing, made you realize, it had been the first time in a long time, if ever, that you hadn't discussed work: nothing about the agency, nothing about heroes or villains, nothing about police business or missions.

It was just senseless conversations that amounted to nothing.

The dining table was small and the floor was cold; but, your hands brushed constantly due to the lack of space. It made you realize that you had longed to have this type of moment with him, something so utterly domestic.

"I know it's not super late," Hawks began, on his way to the kitchen with the dirty plates. "But, I'm gonna wake you up early; so, let's get to bed, okay?"

His voice was soft, surprisingly drowsy, you realized, and he continued, "it's - well, there's something I wanna show you, and it looks best in the sunrise."

He had started the dishes before you could; so, you stepped in close, deciding to tease him a little.

"I bet you do look best in the sunrise," you uttered, leaning against the counter top near the sink, where he had busied his hands. He was looking away from you; but, you could see his lip twitch into a faint smile.

Hawks laughed, a low chuckle that rumbled through his chest. "Not me," he replied softly. Yet, he found himself feeling enamored with the knowledge that that was where your mind had wandered first.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" you offered, standing upright and shifting away from the counter.

"Nah," he replied simply. "I'll join ya' in a bit."

You changed into your pajamas, brushed your teeth and pulled your hair back, before heading upstairs. Blankets and pillows were stacked high on top of the mattress, making the bedframe disappear beneath it.

It not only looked incredibly warm, but incredibly soft, and an inspection with your hand, smoothing over the surface, confirmed that. There were several pillows pressed against the headboard and even more at the foot of the bed.

If you hadn't seen him arrange it, you would have doubted it was even Hawks' bed. From the glimpses you had seen into his life, he was a minimalist.

His office at the agency was fairly large, but looked almost comical with the lack of furniture in it. He wasn't one to buy much of anything outside of perishables.

"Take those off."

You had heard that commanding tone many times before; but, in the peace and serenity of this cabin, it startled you. Your shoulders twitched a little and you turned to face him, having not heard Hawks approach.

His gold eyes were glaring at your body, shifting up to meet your gaze when you turned to face him.

You gawked back at him, dumbfounded by his boldness, and a little intrigued, if you were being honest. He had warned you about this, and you were about to comply when his dark expression suddenly softened.

"Oh fuck," Hawks blurted, embarrassment washing over his face. The intensity of the moment dissipated and you found yourself unable to hold back a faint smile at the way his face so rapidly changed from anger to shame.

"Shit - I - sorry - ugh," he stammered, some redness tinting the tops of his ears. His dominant hand came up and ruffled his hair. "That was messed up. Ah - what I mean is, can we sleep naked?"

It was clear he wasn't embarrassed about the request, but the way that he had asked. You couldn't hold back a soft chuckle at his frazzled state.

"Of course," you uttered, and began shedding your clothes.

He was staring at your nudity as if it wasn't something he had seen many times before, as if his hands and mouth hadn't explored every inch of skin, hadn't touched and claimed parts of you your own hands couldn't reach.

It made you feel powerful, beautiful.

"Did you brush your teeth?" you asked, knocking him out of his stupor.

He didn't respond, but made a face that gave you your answer. He turned away then, and hopped over the edge of the loft, floating down into the lower floor, and scurried off to the bathroom.

Promptly, you disappeared beneath the blankets, shivering from the cold, skin prickled with goosebumps. You were about to scold yourself for complying with him so eagerly, without demanding a compromise, mainly that you expected him to warm you up.

Luckily, it didn't take him long to join you, and you suddenly felt a very warm, and very naked, body slot into the space behind you, wiggling beneath the blankets. It was almost concerning how warm he was, like he had just flung himself into the hearth before running back over here.

You rolled onto your back to greet him and Hawks wasted no time slotting over you, tangling legs, arms falling on either side of your head. Wispy bangs fell over his forehead, longer strands catching on his eyebrows.

Your eyes peered over his shoulders, where you could see his wings were fanned out above him, plumes stretched wide, looming possessively. When your gaze shifted to his face, your breath hitched.

His stare was hypnotizing, as if he couldn't believe you were here, gold eyes practically glowing in the dimly lit loft.

It made you sad to think just your presence alone had pleased him so much, whereas nothing else had yet to occur. It made you think of all the years he had to endure this alone, the loneliness far more straining than the lack of a pliant body.

"Hey," he began, voice hoarse, distant.

His dominant hand shifted from the bed to cup your cheek, thumb gently prodding at your cheek bone. Just like the rest of his body, his hand was so warm.

"I know I said I wouldn't let you leave," he explained, fingers sliding carefully across your temple. "But, if you want to, at any time, I'll call the taxi and-"

You leaned up, taking his lips in a gentle kiss to silence him. He moaned into the kiss, clearly surprised by your interruption. His hand departed your face, lowering to caress the side of your neck.

When you pulled back, he chased, not letting you depart from him quite so quickly. The kiss carried on for a short while, Hawks only leaning back when he was satisfied.

"No," you disagreed in a soft hum, hands rising to push strands of his hair out of his face. "I'm not leaving. We're going through this together. Okay?"

He let out a sigh that fluttered across your cheeks. "Okay," he agreed, as if he couldn't believe it.

Hawks shifted until he was lying beside you, one arm loose around your waist. You turned a little to lay on your side and lean into him, cheek falling comfortably into the pillow beneath your head, and felt him nuzzle into your back, bringing you as close as he could without ruining your comfort.

One of his wings folded carefully over you while the other sprawled out across the bed. The light from the fire just barely reached the loft, an amber glow that flickered with the dancing flames.

The sounds of the gentle snowfall outside was a little louder upstairs. One of the nearby windows rattled softly, trembling weakly from the breeze that shook the shutters. The rafters above creaked occasionally in melodic hums.

Behind you, Hawks' chest undulated with his breathing, moving against the skin of your back. His wings shifted ever so slightly in harmony with the expansion and shrinking of his lungs. The longer plumes on the ends twitched occasionally.

"Keigo?" you whispered.

He didn't answer. Judging by the way his arm had slackened where it rested over your waist, you figured he had fallen asleep already.

The bedding was soft, and you had no doubt that he had washed them diligently; yet, mingled with the earthy tones of the cabin, they smelt like him. The hearth crackled distantly, the sound a faint echo through the cabin.

It didn't take long to slip away.

• • •

Sometime in the middle of the night, you were woken by a strange sound. In your groggy state, it sounded like a distant animal cooing into the night.

Once you properly came to, you realized the warmth against your back had retreated. The blanket had been partially ripped away in the process, leaving the skin of your back exposed to the cold air of the cabin.

What had sounded far away you now realized was coming from right behind you, pained little noises and harsh wheezing. You rolled over to take in the sight of Hawks, blindly reaching for him in a moment of panic.

Worry struck you when your skin touched his. He had already been warm to the touch before; but now, his skin felt scorching, sticky with sweat. Your hand had landed on his chest, where you could feel his muscles rapidly rising and falling with each staggering breath.

The noise that had woken you became obvious then; he was panting, sharp and labored breaths that whooshed in and out of him, occasionally accompanied with a quiet, pained sound.

He had shoved the blankets away and was laying on his back, wings tucked in uncomfortably tight beneath him. Through the faint glow of warm light from the fireplace, you could see his chest raising and falling rapidly, head tossed back, face contorted in pain. Some strands of blonde locks were clinging to the sweat soaked skin on his face.

"Keigo - Keigo," you called to him, hands rising to his shoulders so you could shake him.

It wasn't until he jerked suddenly, eyes opening and head whipping towards you, that you realized he had been sleeping. His labored breathing intensified, but only for a second, before he started to calm down.

His gold eyes were glossy for a second, staring at you blindly, before he started to wake properly. His lips were parted, sharp breaths still escaping him in harsh wisps.

"Are you okay?" you whispered harshly. "Are you sick? You look-..."

You could see a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. Now, with him leaning up a little, you could see the flush of red tinting his skin, all down his chest and across his cheeks. His shoulder muscles were tight and his wings twitched helplessly beneath him.

"I'm f-fine," Hawks answered, voice low and hoarse. He swallowed roughly. "It's - it's a n-normal side effect."

"You're burning up," you hissed, hands touching his skin so carefully, like you would hurt him if you were too rough. "Are you sure you're okay?" you insisted.

"Just need-" he growled, cutting off as he tried to sit up.

His movement had repositioned your hands, causing them to drag from his shoulders to his chest, less you lose stability and collapse on top of him.

It was a familiar touch, a place you had touched him many times before; yet, he froze suddenly, gaze shifting down to your hands as if they were grounding him to this plane of existence.

Hawks' gold eyes fluttered shut and his pained expression softened. He flopped back on the bed, giving up his attempt to sit up as if he had suddenly lost all strength in his body.

Catching on, you uttered into the cold air, "is that what you need? Keigo, do you want me to-"

"Yes," he answered sharply, hissing through the cold, chilled air. He sounded relieved, thankful that you had offered before he had to ask.

"God, fuck - I - I need you, need to - to - be inside you-"

His babbling briefly ceased when you pushed the blankets off yourself and rolled on top of him, a gesture you had done many times before, now a nearly perfect art.

You watched, hypnotized as Hawks arched his back off the bed and flexed his wings until they were sprawled out on either side of him. The beautiful crimson plumes stretched out across the sheets, shuddering in faint waves that matched his heavy breathings.

In the shift, his cock became pinned against your inner thigh. If you didn't known any better, you would have thought he was prodding you with an iron rod pulled straight from the fires of a forge.

It was unbearably hot, hard as steel and painfully poking against your flesh. You could feel his heartbeat through his cock, throbbing against you as if pleading to be touched.

Arousal had never struck you this hard before, with enough force that it made your never regions throb and chest tighten. Blood rushed to your face so quickly, you briefly feared you would pass out.

Now, hovering, looking down at him, it was almost unbearable. It was clear that Hawks was in pain, and you felt a tinge of guilt at the realization that his state had aroused you.

But, the truth was, he looked stunning.

Maybe it was the red flush staining his skin, or the glisten of sweat, shiny with the reflection of the fire burning in the hearth. Maybe it was the way his gold eyes practically glowed through the darkness, staring up at you like a starving predator, glaring with dangerous intent.

Some sort of inhuman growl escaped him and Hawks grabbed at your meaty hips, roughly pulling you forward. It didn't take you long to figure out what he was doing; but, your attempts to aid were waisted, for he simply dragged you down to his liking, until the heat of your sex collided with his face ungracefully.

The first thing you registered was his mouth kissing sloppily at your sex. His tongue followed, lapping at your folds impatiently before breaching your heat. Hawks was always the kind to give sloppy oral; but, this was something else entirely.

He moaned shamelessly when his tongue registered your taste, hips rising off the bed as if attempting to chase a sensation that wasn't there.

Your hands fall onto the wall, and you tried to keep yourself up; but, he wasn't having it, growling and pulling you back down. It was difficult to not go dead weight when his tongue was lapping at your walls, mouth suctioned around your entrance like he was trying to suck juices from a ripe fruit.

One of your hands weaved through his hair, gently massaging his scalp in a praising gesture. It was difficult to get out sensible words. Instead, you moaned broken pieces of his name, thighs trembling on either side of his head.

You had no idea how much time had passed before he seemed satisfied and finally lifted you up enough to remove his mouth. The wet gasp that escaped him, suggesting he had been holding his breath, riddled you with shameful lust.

"You made a mess," Hawks observed deliriously.

He sounded immensely pleased with himself and even leaned in to take another taste, this time honing in on your pearl. You felt more than heard his pleased chuckle when you whined at the sudden touch.

This time, when he pulled away, he let you retreat. As you shimmied down his body, you caught him wiping your essence off his face with a careful finger before popping it in his mouth.

Hawks' skin was still flushed red, all the way up to his ears; but, now, he looked damn smug to top it all off. You couldn't see the look you were wearing, but you knew by the heat on your face that it was lewd.

The cold of the cabin had been lost to you, especially when you positioned your hips over his and felt the head of his cock nuzzle at your entrance, threatening to breach your core.

Hawks' head fell back into the sheets with a whine, eyes squeezing shut. Tantalized by the sight, you intended to tease him a little; however, he nudged his hips forward with a sudden jerk, effortlessly impaling you on his cock, and taking that opportunity away.

"Ohhh, fuck!" Hawks shouted before sucking his bottom lip beneath his teeth. He released it after letting out a low hiss.

You closed your own eyes for a moment, adjusting to the sudden intrusion of his impressive girth, and felt his hands slowly slide up your thighs into the dips of your hips, slotting over a spot he had practically engraved for himself ever since this began.

When your eyes opened, you looked down and took in the deliriously beautiful look on his face. His thumbs nudged your hip bones pleadingly and his eyes opened, peering up at you through dark lashes.

Forgoing any thoughts about teasing, you planted your hands on his chest and rolled your hips. The motion punched a whine out of him. The sound drawled out into a growl when you kept the rhythm, chasing your own pleasure.

"Yeah," he hummed encouragingly. "Come on. Use me. Fuck yourself on my cock. Just like - ahh - fuck..."

You hardly needed the encouragement; but, the dirty words spewing from his lips further ignited the heat in your belly, and you whined in response.

He could have easily pulled your hips down to intensify the moment. Instead, he lifted his hips off the bed to meet yours, effortlessly matching your movement and chasing the delicious warmth and wetness of your core, while letting his hands hold you gently.

"Baby, do you feel good?" Hawks uttered lowly, his pleading question gently breaking through the moment.

"Y-ye-s, Kei - go," you sobbed, stuttering out your response and groaning halfway through his name.

It was always good; but, something about this moment made it more intense than ever before. You could already feel the sensation rising, thighs trembling every time his cock slid back inside, hitting the perfect spot again and again.

"Yeah?" he hummed, sounding so breathless and fucked out, despite you having just barely begun. "You feel good, so fucking good," he praised between labored pants and low moans.

"You're so fucking good to me," Hawks babbled on, head falling back into the sheets, where he closed his eyes. You watched his adam's apple bob, noticed how tight his jaw was clenched.

A growl vibrated through his chest, followed by a breathless sympathy of curses, "oh fuck - oh fuck. Come on, fuck my cock - yeah - ahhh. Ya' hear that? Those sounds. God, you're so f-fucking perfect."

Your union was loud, skin slapping together and wet, fleshy sounds echoing between the two of you.

His dominant hand released your hip and slid around, thumb prodding between your folds and seeking out your pearl. You were already so sensitive, feeling him so deep, teetering on the edge. When his calloused skin touched that spot, you let out a cry.

"Come on this cock," Hawks groaned. "Sooo close - f-fuck. Come on. Come for me. Fucking come. Gonna fill you up. You want that? My seed. Yeah you fucking d-hnn-"

His babbling ceased when your orgasm took you, the sudden spasms and fluttering of your walls making all sensible thoughts drain from his mind.

His hand returned to your hip, fingers gripping your waist, and he started roughly dragging you up and down to meet his thrusts. You went limp, letting him bounce you on his cock to your liking. Your hands slipped off his chest and you fell onto him, forehead knocking gently against his cheek.

You could hear him huffing and grunting, the occasional growl seeping through, right into your ear as he fucked you through your orgasm, and continued on, chasing his end.

His cock throbbed, firmly enough that you felt it and the sensation startled you a little; but, that thought was lost when he let out an uncharacteristically loud shout, crying out in ecstasy.

Hawks had always been loud; but, this was something else entirely, and the moans and growls didn't stop, along with his undulating hips, for what felt like an eternity.

To top it all off, you could feel it, spurts of his seed, burning hot as it filled you. In the corner of your eye, you could make out his feathers, each and every one trembling beneath him.

Then, finally, he went still.

Hawks' panting filled the room, almost loud enough to drown out the crackling of the fireplace. Even after his panting died down, he let out quiet groans, his orgasm having not yet waned in full.

Eventually, he turned his head and pressed a wet kiss against your cheek. You turned your head to meet him, at first catching the corner of his mouth before he angled his head to kiss you properly.

You could practically feel the praises behind each kiss, thank you's and love pouring from his mouth to yours in a nonverbal gesture. His hands ran up and down your back, massaging your skin but also ensuring that you didn't move and he remained deep inside you.

When he finally released your lips, you busied your hands with his wild mane, gently pushing strands away from his face. He seemed to like the preening, letting his eyes flutter shut and head fall back.

You didn't have to ask if he was feeling better. His all-body, harsh red blush had mellowed out and he wasn't panting like a parched dog.

You hadn't realized you were still trembling until he uttered, "it's okay," in a soothing, worried voice.

His hands shifted to your thighs, where he carefully pushed them back and rolled you onto your side, keeping his cock nuzzled deep. His arms wound around your back, bringing you into an embrace while his wings stretched out behind him before sagging comfortably to the bed.

You realized, as he brought you in, that you were still shaking a little. The worry was evident in his eyes, like he had done something wrong.

"D-do you want me to pull out?" he offered in a weak voice.

"It's not that," you replied softly. "That was... intense."

When your eyes locked with his gold orbs, and he took in the sight of your expression, it seemed to steadily become clear to him, what you were feeling. His lips sought our your skin, senselessly kissing whatever he could reach, all over your cheeks, down your chin and along the expansion of your throat.

Hawks’ head fell onto the pillow and his wispy blonde hair tangled with yours. The unease began to fade away as he held you close, bringing the blanket back over your forms when his intense heat finally started to wane. So did the spell, and something concerning struck him.

"Please, tell me if it gets too intense," Hawks uttered, breath fluttering out against your temple. “I’ll-...”

He cut himself because he wasn’t quite what he would do, what he could do. Could he stop? In this moment of clear thoughts, he sure hoped so. But, part of him feared that wasn’t true, and the last thing he wanted was to lie to you about what he was capable of.

You had figured that he had yet to hit the apex of his rut. Yet, his warnings hadn't frightened you in the slightest, especially after what had just occurred. If anything, you were enticed by it. Maybe, in some strange way, it was affecting you to.

"I can handle you," you promised.

You felt more so than heard the uneasy breath that stuttered out his nostrils. Your words stirred something deep in his gut, overcoming the fear, burning arousal and adoration.

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