#well because it’s set in the 80s… it is load-bearing that it be set in the 80s… it’s plot relevant and worldbuilding

[elodieunderglass]

Horror isekai where Perceiving the Weird Eldritch Thing gets you catapulted into a nightmare labyrinth of puzzle-solving.

I.e Those Who Perceive The Hunt of the Goblin King Must Partake In The Labyrinth and Can Only Be Freed If They Complete It In One Day and One Night. By Fae Law. For Reasons.

But the definition of “perception” clearly needs to be updated because some normal guy simply films the Hunt of the Goblin King Behind Arby’s, and puts it on Facebook -

No, not instagram or TikTok, it’s important that it be Facebook -

Because the rules are pretty clear, “the rules are the rules” as is carved ominously in elvish runes above the grim gate, and the Contract is Sealed. and so therefore the guy and 25 of their most random real-life acquaintances must run the gauntlet together. It’s Some Guy, their immediate neighbors, their first partner’s mom, their friends from hobby Facebook groups (oh this poor guy and their hobbies; the elderly birdwatchers from Facebook and the young up-and-coming drag king community), their random teen kid niece, college friends, a dog who also watched the video, a couple consisting of a woman who is the guy’s Facebook friend and showed her husband the video, and the husband doesn’t even know Some Guy, so he’s in the labyrinth and absolutely furious about being forced to be involved, and they proceed to break up over the course of the puzzle.

It’s important that the narrative keeps trying to be a sexy dark horror isekai! but within this the comedic reality of Catherine, 52, the guy’s horse-riding instructor, being passionately involved in escape-room-style puzzle solving and grappling with minor goblins. They are in fact speedrunning the gauntlet.

The Goblin King finally has to say: all right, actually, I only really set all this up to fuck with one (1) guy at a time, thanks for your willingness to participate, but I think all 25 of you can consider the gauntlet fully run.

And the group would be quite hurt by that. The rules are the rules. We have a contract, actually. Let Catherine cook.

[sugar-plum-writer]

"Jujutsu Lover~ OTOME GAME"

System: 002 [Part - 01]

Loading 99%----> 100%!

Loading Route! Character?

System Administrator!Gojo Satoru

Love interest for Player- 3%

[Be aware not to cross above 100% for your safety~] Best of Luck!

[Player Death Rate- 80%]

Difficulty- SSR**

[Failing to clear will result in immediate death!]

Warnings/Tags?

[Slight!Violence; A System Administrator!Gojo Satoru x Fem!Otome Game Player Reader; Isekai]

Route Name?

[Do you love me Mr. Gojo?]

Good Luck player Y/n

The situation you were in now was unexpected, sure you might have hallucinated about it but hallucinations do not come to life correct? correct. If so was the case why are you stuck in this situation?

"Yo~ Y/n welcome to the afterlife!!!" pulling you by the wrist the man smirked smugly

"Congratulations on living the dream everyone has wanted to live, applause please!!!!" he clapped his hands loudly, setting off a party popper wearing a birthday hat

The man was a giant, 190 cm tall, with broad shoulders, white hair, and his eyes a blue embodying the entire sky- Looking into them felt like a freefall through an endless vast expanse of never ending Azure.

"W…Wait what!? I am dead…like dead dead? or a demon is trying to take possession of me?" confused you looked at him a bit freaked out at the situation

"Ah… possession well that's a first I have heard as a system administrator, oh well it's interesting" Smirking he offered you a party hat too

You looked at the party hat, then looked at him doubting and wondering if he was serious, as silence filled the heaven-like white room, with no beginning or end a span of endless white

"......."

"Ah you are no fun~" With a pout he threw the party hat away

"Believe it or not you are dead its not a dream, this is 100% real, you died in a car crash, a drunk driver slammed into you"

"So…I am dead?" you felt a pang in your chest, sweat dripped down your neck as the heart pumped itself to oblivion

"Yes, you are dead" The playful demeanor was gone as he looked at you, the gold threads embroidered into the royal blue and white suit glistened- something straight out of a French couture. The print was abstract-outwardly but fit him perfectly as if it was made for him.

"I…Is there no way to go back?"

"Hmmm…Well, you are going to be a player to test out the new world" sneering he leaned in, "If you win and survive, you can go back to your world"

"Really!? What do I need to do?"

"Well first of all~ you will need to make one of the characters fall in love with you, clear the route, and get a happily ever after, it's like a dating sim!" with a snap of his fingers a hologram appeared in front of you of a game like system

The Hologram had all kinds of stats missions, routes, shop, etc as you clicked around seeing different options

"And winning is assured because- I yours truly Mr. Gojo Satoru will accompany you through this! see!" he pointed at a small chibi icon of him in the corner of the hologram smirking.

"I see…but how are you so sure about winning? It's not like you are a god" you looked at him and chuckled finding it funny.

Without batting an eyes he gazed at you, looking into the depts of your soul every nook and cranny, and stated the obvious calmly as if it was obvious beyond doubt. For a moment he looked like a man above all, as if the world was nothing- not even worthy enough to be under his feet for it could never bear his divinity

"Darling", He chuckled , "Why would I need to be a God when my existence is higher than any position a God could want? As, throughout heavens and Earth, I alone am the honored one"

[System message!]

"Player Y/n do you wish to change route to other characters of jjk?"

Yes/ No

Link to my Masterlist

[If you wanna be tagged for other parts ect! comment below I will tag you~ and heart the post to let me know if you want more~]

@hinakazino it's out! Sorry for the late tag love ❤

@nissatamz it's out!!!

[windynebula]

The first day of the conference has... had its ups and downs for me.

I woke up at 7 AM because my stomach hurt. I then proceeded to have an IBS flareup until 10, which was when I was supposed to get to the reception desk because I was supposed to tweet about it. Because I'm in the social media team for the conference. I help out at the desk for a while even if I didn't need to because might as well be useful while I was there, right?

That goes fine, until lunch time rolls around, which is when us volunteers are told that we don't get free lunches until tomorrow onwards, but we're free to buy lunch. I didn't bring my wallet because I didn't want to leave it in my backpack unattended for hours on end. So I had to go home to eat food that I had cooked a few days ago. That's also fine because I live within a 15 minute walk from the campus so it'd take like 30ish minutes.

Except.

It was raining so hard.

And I didn't have a coat or an umbrella and I had very light shoes on.

But I went into the rain anyway and sloshed my way home. I immediately change into dry socks and eat lunch. Having learnt from my earlier mistake, I took my umbrella and coat with me this time.

I get back to the campus and help out at the registration desk again, until my two shifts for the day rolled around, which was maintaining zoom for two panel sessions.

and.

(:

It was a fucking nightmare. :)

The laptop we were using for the zoom calls and recording the panels didn't have any free ports left, so the panel speakers with usb sticks were like "what do" and i was like "UHHHH IDK". We ended taking one cord out for a second so we can dump their slideshow files onto the laptop, then plug the cord back in.

Except the cord we unplugged was the load-bearing microphone, and unplugging it fucked its settings and now i fear that the recording's audio is Fuckt(TM) because the mic kept blipping in and out during their presentations.

Also before the presentations, the projector wouldn't turn on. I had to call the IT help to come fix it, which caused the presentations to start 10 minutes late.

Hanyway. That was the first session.

For the second session, the IT support poked in and asked if things were going as planned. I asked about the USB ports and they told me to unplug the camera instead next time we needed an USB port. So we did that, but we kept plugging and unplugging the camera, so the second session's recording was like 80 % without camera.

So in conclusion, I am not an AV device expert and probably never will be. 🥲👍

At least I don't have to do any AV thingamajiggers tomorrow lololo

[govindhtech]

XPG PROBE, A Bronze PSU Up To 87% Efficiency At 50% Load

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It is the first of several planned inexpensive power supply units. In contrast to other brands who often offer White efficiency for their entry-level PSU choice, XPG ensures that PROBE surpasses Bronze certification criteria by working closely with testing labs such as Cybenetics, resulting in up to 87% efficiency at 50% load. This affordable PSU meets ATX v2.52 requirements, making it among the top Bronze level models on the market.

XPG PROBE

APPLIABLE, RELIABLE, AND VIABLE

The 120mm low-noise fan with an intelligent curve and up to 87% efficiency at 50% load are features of the XPG PROBE, which is meant to provide steady and dependable power to your system.

Efficiency of 80 Plus Bronze

With up to 87% efficiency at 50% load, XPG PROBE surpasses the requirements for 80 Plus Bronze certification, guaranteeing consistent power delivery to every component and lowering the possibility of damage from power outages.

Increased Operational Safety

Because XPG PROBE is ATX v2.52 compatible, unlike the majority of Bronze power supply units, it improves overall reliability and offers safer operation for your present and future systems.

Small Size for Simple Installation

The 140mm length of the XPG PROBE makes it easy to install in standard PC cases and minimizes cable clutter.

Sensible Fan-Curve Architecture

With its clever curve design, the 120mm low-noise sleeve-bearing fan maintains the power supply cold without making excessive noise, which lowers cooling power consumption and boosts overall energy efficiency.

Extended, Dependable Lifespan

Premium capacitors with a 105°C rating are included with the XPG PROBE, providing increased dependability, superior efficiency, and a longer lifespan.

Six Industrial Protection Measures

With its six industrial-grade protections, XPG PROBE guards against over-power, over-voltage, surge and inrush, under-voltage, short circuits, and over-temperature situations for your system.

Monitoring your system’s health and performance is crucial for gaming and high-performance computing stability and performance. XPG PROBE, a sophisticated and easy-to-use PC monitoring program from Xtreme Performance Gear, provides fast access to system data. This software is for PC gamers, content creators, and enthusiasts who need system control.

Entire Real-Time System Monitoring

The core functionality of XPG PROBE is its ability to offer thorough real-time monitoring of several system metrics. Critical components including CPU and GPU temperatures, fan speeds, voltage levels, and clock rates are easily monitored by users. By doing this, users can make sure that their system is always monitoring its health and state and can prevent overheating, performance deterioration, or even hardware failure.

An intuitive interface that makes it simple to navigate presents the real-time data. By allowing users to prioritize the characteristics that are most important to them, the software’s customized displays guarantee that crucial information is always available.

Personalized Alerts to Increase System Safety

The capability of XPG PROBE to generate customizable warnings is one of its main advantages. It is possible for users to establish thresholds for voltages, temperatures, and other significant parameters. The software will alert the user right away if the system goes above these set restrictions. For users that push their systems to the limit through overclocking or long gaming sessions, this proactive alarm system adds an extra degree of safety by assisting in the prevention of thermal throttling and possible hardware damage.

Enhancing Efficiency with Simplicity

Gamers and performance enthusiasts must find the right cooling-performance balance. XPG PROBE simplifies this process by providing detailed component behavior insights under different workloads. Whether you’re playing games, making videos, or utilizing demanding apps, XPG PROBE can optimize your system for speed and stability.

The software’s interface lets users adjust fan speeds based on system temperatures. This lowers noise and maintains the right temperature throughout long gaming or computational tasks.

Power Users’ Overclocking Capabilities

XPG PROBE provides overclocking support for users that like to tinker with their gear. Even though XPG PROBE might not have as many features as specialized overclocking software, it nevertheless enables users to push their CPU, GPU, and RAM past factory settings and reach higher performance levels. With the software’s included monitoring capabilities, users can also keep a close eye on the stability of their system as they raise voltages or clock rates.

Logging and Analyzing Historical Data

Real-time data is not the only thing that XPG PROBE offers. Additionally, it provides historical data logging, which lets customers monitor their system’s performance over time. This tool is very helpful for anyone who want to solve any ongoing issues or assess the long-term impact of system improvements. Users can spot patterns and decide what changes to make to the system going forward by looking through historical performance data.

In summary

XPG PROBE is essential for PC gaming performance optimization. XPG PROBE monitors and controls your system, whether you’re a content creator pushing your system, a gamer seeking the best frame rates, or an enthusiast fine-tuning your setup. Real-time monitoring, programmable alerts, fan control, and overclocking make it essential for system health and performance.

Read more on Govindhtech.com

[fishmech]

There is honestly a lot of racism behind the opposition to bus improvements! When you dig into it you get a lot of people who refuse to even countenance it because it's "for those people".

This has a particular history behind it too: a lot of people associate rail transit with a lost golden age sort of thing. Which has a lot of imagery of frankly much more heavily white cities. You get the stupid narratives that "things were great when we had streetcars and then they all got removed for cars". And that just didn't happen.

Because what replaced them was busses, and those are often running on the same routes to this day as the trolley they replaced. With similar levels of service to what those dying private transit companies were running when they switched to busses...for the very same reason busses are used today! Less infrastructure, flexible rerouting, all of that.

But this was also occurring in the midst of mass movement to cities including racial minorities, and accelerated in the depression and the war years. As white flight set in post-wwii, the busses were often a reviled symbol of how places had changed.

And this is why so much stuff focuses on light rail now - it reminds a lot of people with political and economic influence of old timey, and incidentally much whiter, urban America. It's why there's so many practically useless and often tourist focused light tail/streetcar lines in a lot of cities that could really have used some better bus funding. Like the M-Line Trolley in Dallas which is a very short circulator route using retro-styled trolley cars for an 80s built system.

But also light rail generally kinda sucks as a load-bearing system for large metro areas anyway. It is inherently, well, a lighter duty system than could have otherwise been built if you're already shelling out for a rail system, especially if there's dedicated right of way being used. And it kinda sucks big that it's the particular system so many areas have decided to go with. In a lot of ways there is a reason the historical forebears mostly got replaced by busses or heavy rail systems!

Finally I'd note that focusing on a central bus station? Honestly not very useful for transit busses. You want much more bus service added that crisscrosses itself in outlying areas of the city/suburbs to really improve service for people, so they can get where they need to go. The central station is like fine for relatively direct transfers, but it's bad news for a lot of people. Much better to have regional hubs and especially provision of shelter at every stop.

Honestly find it a little frustrating that so much of mass transit conversations focus exclusively on trains. Trains are great don't get me wrong, but buses are relatively extremely cheap and require very little in the way of city infrastructure planning and construction. You can establish or reroute a bus route basically in the span of time it takes to make that decision and communicate it (both to riders and in terms of training drivers). More buses, staff, and signage may need to be acquired, but are also fairly straightforward and attainable with modest investment even by smaller or poorer municipalities.

Establishing a train line, though, or even a streetcar, requires acquisition of real estate, public comment, environmental impact studies (among other types of research), construction of tracks, stations, and other infrastructure, and so on. It's a long expensive process with many steps that can be delayed for very long spans of time and the result is fairly permanent and for the most part can't be changed.

When there's a problem with the train cars or infrastructure it is very expensive and takes a long time to repair, and whole stretches of the system might be out of commission in the meantime. Buses, on the other hand, are very adaptable. If a road becomes unavailable due to construction, road damage, or other issues, the route can simply change to drive around it. If a bus breaks down it can be towed away and replaced without the same technical issues of, for example, making sure the car is compatible with the rails and other infrastructure.

Here in Seattle the light rail system has been in development for decades and still doesn't reach most neighborhoods, let alone nearby cities. It has not and fundamentally cannot keep up with the pace of population growth in the area. As much as I would love to be able to catch a quick train to visit friends in Olympia or Everett (there is Amtrak but it only runs a few times a day and is pretty expensive), I kind of wish that money had instead been put towards a good central bus station and a large fleet of buses to run frequent trips to all corners of the city and beyond (one bus every 30 minutes is not frequent, sorry).

The cost really can't be brushed off, too. That relatively low minimum investment in time and money makes it possible for buses to serve poor communities, even when people get pushed out of central neighborhoods. Which is important to consider when, well, if homes or businesses need to be demolished for new infrastructure, who do you think they tend to belong to? And who gets pushed out when the area around those new stations suddenly becomes very desirable? Whose voices are prioritized and listened to when this much money is on the line, the white single family homeowner with and HOA and a job that accommodates going to public listening sessions that might not even be accessible by bus, or the renters, the people who work graveyard shift, the single parents who can't afford an extra day of babysitting, the people who might speak English as a second language or not at all?

[apocalypse-tights]

I posted 6,536 times in 2022

That's 3,368 more posts than 2021!

87 posts created (1%)

6,449 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@teophan

@rouxlskaardofficial

@wrightfamily

@tht1person123

@queermystic

I tagged 3,231 of my posts in 2022

#awesome art - 1,336 posts

#ace attorney - 537 posts

#cute animals - 233 posts

#fave - 155 posts

#pokemon - 122 posts

#kitties - 117 posts

#signal boost - 114 posts

#gif - 83 posts

#video - 77 posts

#kitty chat - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#for like the first two times we saw him (well the second was manga only when he was talking to hatori) he was absolutely loaded up on snacks

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Unintentionally but so, so perfectly took an in-game joke into real life- a friend who has enough secondhand Ace Attorney knowledge through me to be able to build entire AUs despite not having played the games himself... was completely unaware of the existence of Winston Payne.

In the past three years of constant infodumping, I never mentioned his name XD

22 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

#4

One of my favorite things about ace attorney that has nothing to do with the actual narrative of the games is the fact that different in-jokes and characterization quirks always end up forming when you play with someone else. Be it a silly voice or some trait that a character gets because of ad-libbing one of you keeps doing, in my experience pretty much everyone has those little Things about their playthroughs I have different sets of these with different people I’ve played with, and it just makes it a really individual, personal experience every time, and it just feels very Human in the best way

And it’s fun and interesting to see or find out about other people’s! Hey reblog with your extremely specific ace attorney in-jokes- a couple of mine are “the judge is a dalek” and “manfred von karma is constantly eating gummy bears in court”

23 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

#3

A. of course there’s a man named beef stroganoff and

B. shortly after this Ryunosuke addresses him as “Seaman Strogenov” and that is the WORST pair of homophones to be placed together

24 notes - Posted January 13, 2022

#2

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like 

80 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I think what gets me so much about the “that man” moments in Investigations and why it somehow feels so much gayer than if he just called Phoenix by name is like. the fact that it doesn’t need to be said. it is automatically understood, not just by the audience but also by the people around him. who else. who else would Miles Edgeworth be talking about. no one ever has to ask.

616 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[beware-of-you-98]

The BAU goes to the Zoo

Morale around the office is low after several horrible cases back to back in the span of two weeks

Strauss forces the whole unit to take a few days off because of it

No one is happy about it though

Penelope pitches an idea for everyone to write down where they want to go and to decide, Hotch will draw an idea out of a hat

(He agrees only because he knows the team needs a break)

The first idea he pulls out is a strip club

He looks Emily dead in the eyes as he tosses out the paper

(she pouts because going to a strip club is definitely going to boost her morale so she really doesn’t see why Hotch is so pressed about her contribution)

The next paper Hotch pulls is the zoo

And because everyone knows the person that suggested it is Penelope, they all agree to head off to the National Zoo

Hotch and JJ are very well aware of the chaos that ensues when taking children to a zoo and premptively take Advil to deal with the inevitable headaches that will come from taking this group of federal agents children to the zoo

Emily is a little shit

She makes the “ps-ps-ps” noise to the tiger and is very smug when the giant cat comes right up to the glass

She turns to brag to Morgan about how she gets all the puss

JJ whacks her on the head with a rolled up map because there are children nearby, for godsake!

Emily gets chased around the aviary by a giant fucking bird, screaming and running around in frantic circles as it dives at her

JJ sighs off in the corner, pinching the bridge of her nose because she warned Emily about antagonizing the birds

Spencer mainly just stays silent the whole time, looking in awe at the animals

Derek keeps buying him $10 cotton candy and by the time the team are halfway through the zoo, Spencer is on the biggest sugar high of his life

He wants to pet the hippopotamus and nearly bursts into tears when Hotch tells him that he can’t because they’re too dangerous

He cries when he sees the pandas because they’re so cute

Derek seems bored but really he’s fascinated by the big cats and bears

He is not amused when the tiger comes bounding up to the glass when Emily calls it over (that is one of nature’s most fierce predators, not a damn house cat!)

When Hotch isn’t looking, he buys Spencer all sorts of sweets because it makes pretty boy happy

Rossi sits back and lets JJ and Hotch play parents for the day, enjoying himself as much as he can

He definitely encourages Emily to mess with the giant bird in the aviary

(In his defense, he didn’t think it would go after her so intensely, but his side hurts from laughing so hard watching her, so he doesn’t really care)

Mostly sits at the benches and watches people instead of the animals

Hotch becomes a mega dad™️

He attempts to set up a schedule for the team to follow (they don’t, of course)

His head is stuck in the map 80% of the time

Everytime he looks up, Spencer has some sort of sugary treat in his hands (seriously, who the hell keeps giving this kid more sugar???)

He tries to implement a ban on buying Spencer anymore treats but when he looks up from his map once more, the little shit has an ice cream cone

Ignores Emily’s shit for his own sanity

JJ really does try to enjoy herself

Her main focus is just making sure Emily doesn’t somehow wander into the grizzly bear enclosure or fight the sharks in the aquarium

She becomes annoyed halfway through the day and is enjoying herself significantly less because of Emily’s antics

Emily immediately becomes more serious and calms down because she feels really bad

(Near the flamingos, Emily grabs her hand as an apology and they enjoy looking at the animals with each other)

JJ enjoys the zoo trip a lot more after that

(it’s only a bonus that Emily never lets go of her hand after initially grabbing it)

Penelope is absolutely beside herself

She’s so excited to be here!!! All the animals are so stinking cute!!!!

There’s several volunteers around that have education animals at various spots in the zoo

And Penelope pets each and every single one

Including the giant tegu on a harness (his cheeks are so chubby!! his leash is rainbow!! he’s adorable!!)

She’s also the only person on the team brave enough to hold a massive 8ft jungle carpet python

She thinks the snake is adorable!!! (he has a puppy face!!)

She also holds a baby panda and cries when it plays with her hair because it’s just too cute

Spencer’s favorite animals are the giraffes

(It may or may not be because he gets to feed them and pet them)

Derek’s favorite animal is the polar bear or the rhino

Rossi has a fondness for the aquarium

If it were up to him, they would stay in the aquarium the whole day and he’d be happy

JJ likes the sea otters

There’s a space people can stick their hand into the enclosure and hold hands with an otter!!!!

(She’s the only one that catches Rossi holding hands with one when he thinks no one is looking and swears herself to secrecy)

Emily loves the snow leopard and the tiger (obviously)

They’re the only big cats that respond to her “ps-ps-ps” like Sergio would

Hotch won’t admit it, but he likes the sun bears and the elephants

Penelope loves all the animals

There’s no competition for her

When they leave, they all get something at the gift shop

Derek gets Spencer a stuffed giraffe

Emily gets JJ a stuffed otter

JJ gets stuffed animals for her boys (an alligator for Henry and a lion for Michael)

[Emily pays for them despite her protests]

Penelope gets a fossil necklace and a geode

Hotch gets Jack a book on reptiles

Rossi gets a bear statue for his office

Just as they’re loading up in the van to go back to the office, Spencer’s jacket squaks

Hotch: hey, Reid, what do you got there?

Spencer hugs his jacket closer to his body, bringing up a straw to his lips

A smoothie is his innocent reply, but then his jacket squaks again and out pops a fucking penguin

Like a real, breathing, actual honest to god penguin

Hotch takes it back inside quickly, not even bothering to question how the hell Spencer acquired a penguin to begin with

Emily calls out from the back that none of this would have happened if they had just gone to the strip club in the first place

Emily is suspended for a day

Then Hotch bans the zoo as a destination for the team’s outings

[ryukyuan-sunflower]

Response to the Moral Question of the MugenxFuu Romance

This is a full response to an anonymous ask I received: 

“Can I ask why you ship fuugen? Isn’t Fuu a minor and Mugen is 19.”

This is a rather...complex and loaded question. There’s multiple things to address but I’ll start simple and work up from there. I will first go into my personal feelings on why I ship the pairing, evidence, and then the more complicated concept of the character’s ages both in reality, as well as in the fictional anime. Hopefully it will alleviate some distress on the issue. If it doesn’t, and you consider the age gap morally unacceptable, then it might unfortunately serve to make Mugen out to be a morally questionable character, implied romance aside.

The Simple Question: Why do I ship it? 

I ship Mugen x Fuu because it’s implied canon by the creators.

I believe strongly, and have found and provided plenty of evidence in my numerous other posts that support my belief, that Mugen and Fuu were written to have romantic feelings for one another. These feelings were never addressed, acted upon, nor explicitly spelled out for viewers. But the subtle implications of their unsaid feelings added up, episode by episode. The interviews of Shinichiro Watanabe, Ayako Kawasumi and Ginpei Sato only solidify my interpretations and findings.

The actual anime aside, here are the links to my posts concerning the interviews, if you are interested.

-Shinichiro Watanabe about Mugen’s Character.

-Ayako Kawasumi and Ginpei Sato about Fuu’s Feelings for Mugen in the Roman Album.

I adore the entire cast of Samurai Champloo, as much as by themselves as I do as a trio. I love Jin just as much as Mugen and Fuu. However, I do not see any implication of Jin having romantic feelings with either of them. His romance is canonically with Shino and his role for Fuu feels more brotherly and fatherly to me.

Personally, I am not a “crack shipper”. I am not someone who typically likes two characters and pairs them off together for my own amusement. I have nothing against crack pairings, nor their shippers, but it is not my taste. I enjoy romances that have some type of evidence or backing behind it. So it is not as if I simply ship Mugen and Fuu because I like Mugen more than Jin.

If hypothetically, all the things that happened with Mugen and Fuu happened with Jin and Fuu—if Jin saved her constantly, if Jin and Fuu had strange, intimate moments like the wrist grab scene,  if Fuu jumped in the way to save Jin’s life, if Fuu cried for Jin seven times, if Fuu’s voice brought Jin back from death, if Jin gave up his sword for Fuu—well, I would not be a fan of the Mugen and Fuu ship. I’d be a fan of Jin and Fuu. 

But that is simply not how the anime was written. 

On that same note of liking an implied romance, I am not as interested in blatant romance stories either. Implied, subtle romance is so interesting because it leaves enough clues that one has to find themselves, and then you are able to make your own interpretations and “what if” scenarios surrounding it. This is why I enjoy the story types of, say, the Souls video game series and its related titles. (Demon’s Souls, Dark Souls, Bloodborne, Sekiro). The story lines have to be figured out, and while there is evidence and clues dropped all over, nothing is ever specifically stated. But even so, we can come to solid conclusions that are difficult to disprove, but also never fully confirmed.

Samurai Champloo spells out very little for viewers. Example: Never does the anime state what island Mugen is from. We only know it’s in the Ryukyus. But based on historical evidence, and also symbolism in the show (the paantu and the trees in his flashback) we can assume it’s Tarama-shima or another island in Miyako.

Never do Mugen and Fuu state they have feelings for one another, but it’s in subtle dialogue, numerous times. Most blatant however, is when Sara tells Mugen “It’s as if you’ve never been loved by anyone.” and then Fuu proves her wrong by saving his life by throwing her own in the way, only seconds later.

Their actions fascinate me. Both Mugen and Fuu demonstrate self sacrificial behavior for each other, and show how much they care with actions rather than words. Most of all, I enjoy the romantic trope of “love leads to a character’s redemption.” Mugen’s feelings for Fuu is what redeems him from the sins of his past, and saves him from a life without meaning and only pain, anger and hatred. These aspects of his dark character are highlighted both by the dialogue of Mukuro in Episode 13 and Sara in Episode 21. Fuu being his redemption is also symbolized in her saving him on three separate occasions. The last incident, when she calls him back from death and the Paantu taking him away, is the most symbolic of his “redemption”.

Samurai Champloo is a direct response to the cynicism of Watanabe’s previous work, Cowboy Bebop. Where revenge and the past consumes Spike, ruining his future and love, Mugen is redeemed by love and is able to face his past and press on. 

Here is a fantastic article about the concept of Mugen’s love for Fuu being his redemption and also being a direct response to Cowboy Bebop. 

All of this aside, because of the second comment, I’m assuming that this isn’t necessarily what you were asking. 

“Isn’t Fuu a minor and Mugen is 19?” 

I’m guessing you’re implying that either the romantic pairing is impossible due to their age gap, or it’s morally wrong.

I was conflicted how to answer this, at first. I know this can be a triggering topic. So I decided on providing several explanations. I hope at least one answers the question properly, or at least sheds some light on the issue.

Either it will justify why there is nothing morally reprehensible about the Mugen x Fuu romance, or, it will unfortunately show that Mugen is morally questionable, depending on how the evidence is taken.

First, at 15, Fuu is not a minor in her time period. Second, Mugen is either 19 or 20 depending on the source.

Samurai Champloo is not set in one specific year of history, as the anime is not only anachronistic, it historically takes place in multiple years that could not coincide. In essence, Samurai Champloo is not one year, but “a chanpuru of one whole era.” This era is the Edo/Tokugawa era, which includes the years of 1603-1868.

In the Tokugawa Era, Fuu is considered an adult. She is a young adult, yes, but in the eyes of everyone, she is an adult. This is both historically accurate, and is also demonstrated numerous times in the anime. Fuu’s sexualization and her being seen in a romantic way is never frowned upon by any of the characters in the entire series.

Brief disclaimer: Nowhere in my love of the Fuugen pairing or fan interpretations of the characters’ futures, do I see any sort of sexual relationship between Mugen and Fuu developing when she is 15. After they part ways, is where I like to make my fan conclusions on them meeting again when she’s older.

I also want to clarify here and now, that I’m not a supporter of a 15 year old entering a romantic relationship of any kind, let alone a sexual one in real life. I think that teens should work on themselves and not get swept away by romance and sexuality, especially frivolously. It’s irresponsible and dangerous. But, it’s also unrealistic to believe all young people will never fall in love, whether it’s fake or real. If there happened to be a man who was 5 years older than a girl and the two did develop feelings for each other, I believe nothing should be pursued between them until they are both of age.

Adulthood in the Tokugawa Era

I want to first talk about the concept of Fuu being a minor. In short, she is not a minor in her time period.

To begin with reality first, the life expectancy hundreds of years ago was much lower than now. In Japan now, the average life expectancy is in the 80s. But hundreds of years ago, it was estimated to be about 50. Women in particular had the complication of fatality from childbirth. Led makeup, childbirth, and also STDs were a huge threat for courtesans of the time period as well. Many women died in their twenties.

As for the concept of ”adulthood”, the adult age of 18 only started in the Meiji Restoration (late 1800s- early 1900s) when Japan contacted the west and emulated its practices. The age of 18 being an adult nowadays is largely based on the setup of the education system. Whether 18 is too young or too old is a matter up for debate and varies country to country. 

Specifically, in the Tokugawa Era, the age of adulthood was considered when one entered puberty. This was generally 15 for a male and 12 for a female. 

Here is a link to the full article on the topic of the shifting coming of age, if you are interested.

In the case of aristocratic children, such as boys raised as samurai, the Genpuku ceremony that transitioned children to adults varied in age. During the early Tokugawa era, it was 15-17, while later into the Tokugawa era, during less civil unrest, the age dropped to as low as 13. At this age, these young men could then marry and were likely pressured to do so. Marriages in the Tokugawa Era were very different than nowadays as well. Many nobles and royalty had their daughters married off at young ages such as 8 years old.Though, the sexual nature of these relationships did not develop until the girl was likely of child bearing age, which was in the teens.

Taking the historical 12 year old age into account, Fuu being 15, is then already three years into adulthood. 

Fuu’s Depiction as a Woman in the Anime

In regards to Fuu’s maturity, she has no guardian, nor caretaker, which shows she is an independent adult making her own decisions. Yes, Mugen and Jin are her bodyguards, but they are not her legal guardians, because she does not need one. It is her who commands them and leads them. After they part ways, she is fifteen years old (perhaps a year older based on the time span of the anime) traveling the country alone.

She was forced to grow up very fast. Not only is she an orphan, but Fuu’s resourcefulness allows her to survive on her own. She tricks two complete strangers to escort her across Japan. But Fuu is fully functional as an adult, arguably more than Mugen or Jin in some ways. She works, fishes, cooks, sews, tends to wounds etc. Fuu is by no means innocent to mature situations either. She’s seen Mugen and Jin kill numerous people in front of her, which is traumatizing in itself.

In regards to Fuu’s sexualization,on separate occasions, there are bath scenes in the anime, showing Fuu partially nude. There are also scenes of her undressing. Morally correct or not, it is clear she was sexualized like many young anime females.

Aside from that, here are examples of male characters viewing Fuu as an adult woman, romantically or sexually.

Episode 3 and 4: Fuu is thrown in a brothel. While the legality of her being forced against her will just for the sake of paying off a debt is somewhat in question, the fact that she is 15 in a brothel is not. Brothels were not an undercover organization. It was completely legal in Tokugawa Japan, and Fuu being 15 as a courtesan was not illegal. When an ugly rodent man buys her, it’s served as comedy.

Episode 5: Fuu becomes a ukiyo-e model, the backwards beauty, for Moronobu Hishikawa, who was a real historical figure. This grown man, probably around Jin and Mugen’s age or maybe older, also is not considered a creep for his attraction to her. In fact, it’s not even considered wrong that he paints a nude picture of a 15 year old. Again, because she’s deemed a woman in this time period.

Episode 8: Nagamitsu, who is leagues older than Mugen and Jin, asks Fuu to become the “harem of his heart”. He is attracted to her, sees her as a younger version of his wife when he first met her, and even asks her on a date, to which she accepts. This entire interaction is played off as comedy, and not that he’s some creepy grown man attracted to a minor. More like, he’s a bumbling buffoon. His two sidekicks, the beatboxer and Ogura do not intervene, nor make a comment that it’s wrong he is interested in a 15 year old when he’s in thirties or forties. Because quite simply, in this time period, it’s not wrong.

Episode 16: Okuru tells Fuu that “a woman with a healthy appetite is a good woman” when she is devouring fish.

If you stand firm that it is still morally wrong and all these characters were creeps for being interested or saying these words to a 15 year old, that is fine. If you think it is morally wrong to ship Mugen and Fuu because of the age gap, and refuse to believe that the two are an implied romance, that is fine too. I can’t convince everyone.

However, I will make the counter argument then, that liking Mugen as a character means liking a morally questionable character. Romance and feelings aside, the reason for this is simply how he treats and talks to Fuu.

Mugen’s Questionable Dialogue to Fuu

If shipping them is wrong, then what Mugen directly says and does to Fuu is just as wrong. In my opinion, it makes it weirder if he doesn’t develop feelings for her.

Episode 2: In the original Japanese dub, Mugen tells an unconscious, intoxicated Fuu that he’s going to rape her. “Okasu kureru” is the dialogue.

The English changes this to “Let’s strip her and dump her.”

Episode 11: When Fuu asks why Jin needs to go see a woman when she’s around, Mugen then responds “Because you’re flat chested”, not to be confused with “You’re a child.” When she says her kimono makes her look slender, Mugen calls her a liar and then says “Show me.” He asks Fuu to undress for him and show him her breasts...

Episode 20: Mugen stands up naked for Fuu in the hot spring even though she’s clearly flustered. Exposing oneself to a minor is an offense in the modern era. But he doesn’t stop there. He berates her, and then peeks his head out to look at her naked too.

All of these examples are meant as fluff and comedy too, no matter how offensive they can be. It also implies his attraction, interest and his consideration that she is indeed a woman. This is then furthered in his dialogue with Jin.

Episode 12: When they read Fuu’s diary, Mugen asks the odd question to Jin. “Man to man, what do you think of her?” This “man to man”, implies Mugen wants to know how Jin feels about Fuu as a woman.

As for a debatable canon example, I have the need to bring up the Samurai Champloo: Sidetracked video game on PS2. In Japanese, it is entirely voiced by the same cast as the anime: Kazuya Nakai, Ayako Kawasumi and Ginpei Sato. In English, Mugen is not Steve Blum, but Fuu and Jin are the same voice actors as the anime: Kari Whelgren and Kirk Thornton.

In it, Mugen develops an attraction to a girl who looks nearly identical to Fuu: brown hair in a ponytail, big brown eyes, pink kimono, three hairpin beads. The kicker is her name is Yuu. The even bigger kicker is that she is younger than Fuu.

Here are the links to the scenes. Japanese audio is much better, as a warning.

Link to English, Fuu catches them alone and tells Jin “I had no idea Mugen was a cradle robber!”

Link to Japanese: Fuu calls Mugen a “lolicon”.

When the girl asks “Do you like me? You can lie if you want.” he tells her:

Link to Japanese: “Suki da. Uso jane.”

Link to English: “I like you. I ain’t lyin’.”

And the two share a kiss, before she dies. Worth mentioning, Fuu also admits to being jealous about all this and a fortune teller tells Fuu that this is her “heart talking.”

While debatable canon, the video game still highlights this concept that Mugen will even like a girl younger than Fuu (anywhere from 12-14), so long as she resembles Fuu.

If we pretend for a moment that Fuu is indeed a minor in her time period, then that makes Mugen’s actions and comments out to be even worse. Not only is he a pervert, but he’s then a pervert flirting and making sexual comments about a ”minor”.

Underaged Girls and Age Gaps in Other Japanese Romances

If you still believe that there is something morally wrong, regardless of the time period it takes place in, I have more modern examples in media.

Modern Japanese shoujo manga and anime (shoujo being a genre directed at teenage girls) is rife with romance stories of older guys with younger girls. It’s not frowned upon in Japan, and even for its readers in the west.

I will give you some major examples I can think of, off the top of my head.

Inuyasha: Inuyasha and Kagome. Inuyasha is over 150 years old (not counting the other 50 years he was comatose). Yes, he ages slower as a half demon, but that is still 150 years of experience in life. Kagome meanwhile, is 15 years old and does not come from the Sengoku era. She’s from the modern era. If one wants to argue that Inuyasha doesn't count because every decade for him is one year, meaning he’s supposed to be “15 in human years”, then there is the matter of Miroku. Miroku is 18 years old, and fondles not only Kagome who is 15, but Sango who is 16. And he and Sango later become a romance.

Shugo Chara: Ikuto and Amu have an age gap of 17 and 12. While there is a love triangle element, it is debatable that Ikuto is more her true love interest in the manga. This takes place in the modern era.

Dengeki Daisy: Kurosaki and Teru have an age gap of 24 and 16. This also takes place in the modern era.

Incidentally, all of these aforementioned romances share some parallels to Mugen and Fuu in some way. Whether the guy is argumentative with the girl, a homeless wanderer, antagonist by nature, teasing about her lack of a figure, a bodyguard/protector role etc. 

These are just a few of the more pure Shoujo examples directed at young girls.This does not include age gaps between characters, or underaged girls in anime meant for men or adults in general. They can get far more morally questionable, in my honest opinion. Mugen and Fuu barely scratches a surface. There is clearly a cultural gap between Asia and the West and the concept of age gaps, regardless of one’s personal moral stance on the subject.

Mugen and Fuu’s Actual Age Gap and Maturity

In the Tokugawa Era, their age gap of 4 to 5 years is incredibly small. Even nowadays, that age gap is very small, if Fuu was a legal adult in modern times.

Tsuru-himegimi, the real daughter of Shogun Tsunayoshi was 8 years old when she was married to her husband Tsunanori of Kii, who was 12 years her senior.

As for the anime’s depiction of them, there was never a sense of “Fuu is child. Mugen is a man”. It always felt like the two were in a similar age bracket. 

I must ask the question, if Fuu or Mugen’s ages was never revealed, would it change the context of the story at all? If Fuu was older, would it change it? Personally, I don’t think so. In this case, because she is both physically developed and also deemed a woman in the anime and historically, it changes nothing.

Their interactions, their bickering, their attitudes, and the way Mugen yells at her, and the way Fuu reprimands him, it always felt like they were similar. They both exhibited many immature, innocent qualities, as well as adult qualities. It was Jin who had a more mature demeanor, being the calm, responsible one, who would rather not intervene with their nonsense. This is another reason why I see Jin as a father figure to Fuu: a representation of the samurai who smells of sunflowers that she did not have growing up.

These images here show their similarities in behavior quite well. And there are many more examples.

Conclusion

A good, well developed character is not a perfect one. There is no denying Mugen is flawed, morally questionable and sometimes straight out an antagonist. He steals, he kills, he was an ex-pirate who likely raided and pillaged… Realistically, he would have no qualms about being attracted or developing feelings for a woman who is 4 or 5 years his junior, let alone the other crazy stuff he’s done. Especially when, in their time period, there is nothing wrong about it at all.

Regardless if his morality is in question or not, what makes the implied romance so interesting is the fact that he didn’t act upon anything sexually with Fuu. His actions towards her were selfless, and Mugen developed greatly by the end. But because of his actions and words,and jealousy, it does not come off as simply a sibling or familial relationship that the two have. This differs from how Jin and Fuu interact.

Most importantly, Fuu serves as the catalyst for Mugen’s growth and redemption of his sins. Unlike Jin, Mugen saves Fuu time and and time again, making him her hero, despite being seemingly an ex-criminal that only works in self interest. Jin did not require this change, as he was always an honorable samurai from the start.

Both men found purpose for different reasons.

Mugen needed love.

Jin needed duty.

I think that covers everything. Well, unless your question is simply why do I ship them when the characters are young and I’m older than them.

As of the time of making this post, I am a 23 years old woman. The first time I ever set eyes on the anime, I was 8 or 9 years old. As a kid, I had my first innocent, childlike suspicion of a romance between them when Mugen first went to save Fuu from the “bad place”, being the brothel in episode 4 without any reason to, while Jin didn’t. Also, he saved her in Ep 1 and 2 and Jin didn’t.

The first time I got to watch the whole anime, I was 13 and saw the full story play out. And at that point, I was more convinced. Over the years, I rewatched, looked into a lot of the history and symbolism used in the anime, analyzed the episodes, and I became more convinced. I shipped it when I was Fuu’s age of 15. I shipped it when I was Mugen’s age of 19/20. And, I will likely continue to cherish the beautiful story of Samurai Champloo and the implied subtle romance of Mugen and Fuu for years to come.

Perhaps it is a reminder of the purity and innocent nature of love for me. These two did more for each other, cared more for each other, and were more entertaining with each other than so many cliche, blatant romance stories.

[wuxiaphoenix]

Worldbuilding: Striking Twice

Let’s take worldbuilding from the perspective of, you’re going to want specific environments for certain stories and scenes, and those settings will change what your characters are likely or able to do. I’m going to give you some examples from the Gulf Coast.

Swimming. Oh yes, great weather to swim here, most of the year. Unless it’s storming - if you can hear thunder, you should already be away from the water. But storms are dangerous even too far away for lightning. The winds and currents they cause make riptides more likely, and those kill far more people than lightning strikes. What’s worse is if you see waves crashing onto shore, except for a few spots where it looks nice and smooth? Most people will choose to swim there. Don’t do that. There’s no waves because the water is flowing right back out to sea. That’s a riptide. Meaning you could have your character observe great beach weather and not one local in the water. For good reason.

(Maybe several good reasons. Portuguese man’o’war, anyone? We get whole schools of them.)

Sitting in a car. Seems harmless enough. Only when the temps have already hit the 80s and the humidity is pushing the heat index into the 90s-plus, it doesn’t take much solar input to turn your harmless car stakeout into a life-threatening sauna. Complete with burns from the metal bits of your seatbelt. That sizzle you hear is you.

Car travel gets even more interesting, because the coast and the various military facilities on it combine to make sure there are often limited traffic corridors for getting from A to B. U.S. Highway 98 is one of the infamous roads; unless you can get to a turn-off and head north to I-10, your options for getting east-west are Slim, son of None. (And said turn-off is likely to add an hour to your trip. Just so you know.) So if you throw in one casual traffic accident, you’re likely to back up travel for hours, and everyone local knows all the possible alternate routes, so it’ll be backed up there too.

The sunny Gulf Coast is indeed that. But at least half the time it’s stormy, sometimes in patches, sometimes in lines of devastation that leave no trailer park standing. If you have characters here for a whole week and there’s been no storms... they better be here either April or October, we do get dry stretches then. Otherwise it won’t feel right.

Local environmental hazards are often very well known to the locals; and known to some better than others. AKA it doesn’t matter how much you paid for that mulch stacked out in the parking lot. If there’s a lightning storm, no one is going out there to load it. Everybody’s listened to years of news on the latest lightning fatalities in the area and they don’t get paid enough. Getting mad about this is only going to mark you as someone literally not smart enough to come in out of the rain.

It also means we have people paid good money to rescue golf balls from water hazards, and poke around recreational lakes, because alligators. Likewise we have various measures to hopefully bear-proof containers, and some of us curse out bird enthusiasts a lot, because black bears love birdfeeders. Nature is never too far away, and some of it likes to eat you.

All of which goes to say if you have a character living on the Gulf Coast in an eco-friendly house on a lake completely powered by solar panels, who walks out their back door onto their boat dock in their pajamas and slippers without a care in the world, anyone local is going to look at you askance, because that won’t work.

So when you worldbuild... think of what the local hazards are, and what they lead the locals to do. You can have your characters be ignorant, sure. But if so, they have to see the consequences!

[popculturebuffet]

What You Really Think (Comissoin for WeirdKev27)

The Day After Timephoon, the Day before GlomTales!: ...

Glomgold Industries: (Glomgold is hard at work on yet another scheme with Owlson.. strangely calm. )

Glomgold: Okay.. I know we've had a few setbacks mostly thanks to you.

Owlson: (in an oddly chipper tone) sure let's go with that.

Glomgold: But I have one last scheme so dastardly it cannot fail. I call it THE FESTIVAL OF SCHEMES. It's 80 schemes in one. Fun for the whole family.. except scrooges because they'll all be dead!

Owlson: even has a built in slogan can't wait to hear it. Hit me.

Glomgold: I would but HR says ye cannae hit employees anymore. Oh you meant metaphorically. Scheme 1! I send a firebomb to scrooges office, set all the sprinklers off and catapult my sharks to eat all the gold then hire a crew of professoinal cleaners to clean off the gold after it comes out the other side, but hold a gun to their heads.

Owlson: Gross but efficent. What else?

Glomgold: The flintferris glomwheel. I have sharks construct it under dead of night, the town loves me as I destroy scrooge winning the bet by default!

Owlson: Keep it going.

Glomgold: I trick scrooge into thinking i'm his long lost son and therefore his one true heir nullyfying the bet.

Glomgold: I dress up as batduck and the kids let me in because everyone loves batduck. He's rick and he's vegenful just like me!

Glomgold: I dress up as Chris Farley's ghost! Kids love tommy boy!

Glomgold: I use explosives and shark blood carefully extracted from my babies to mutate the t-rex sketelon at the natural history museum.

Glomgold: I pretend to be Donald's cousin. Scrooge is too stupid to know how much family he has!

Glomgold: (In a donald duck costume0 I pretend to be donald duck! Awwww hoooey! (mANICAL LAUGH)

Glomgold: I attach a giant drill to my boat and use it to drill into the money bin and then into scrooge's heart then put what's left of his heart on my mantle!

Glomgold: I put together a bunch of the most vengeful, dangerous sharks I know. I call it sharkicide squad.. because I put bomb collars around their neck. (Whispers0 Their not loaded I couldn't bear to kill any of them.

Glomgold: I pour 80 gallons icy hot into his office!

Glomgold: I bring back abe lincoln's ghost for a talk show to smear scrooge and shame him into forrfetting!

Glomgold: I throw the moon at him!

Glomgold: I eat 30 hostess fruit pies and gain super powers!

Glomgold: I dress up as jesus and hit him by suprise as it's NOT EASTER THIS TIME.

Owlson: (To all of these Fine, sure, whatever, no problem. You got it. fine, whatever. You, da man.

Glomgold: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE. ARE YOU SPYING ON ME? I KNEW IT YOUR TRYING TO MAKE SCROOGE WIN THE BET.

Owlson: I don't have to. You've already lost.

Glomgold: How dare you! I have one day that's..

Owlson: Not even enough time for ONE of these schemes to fail! I tried humoring you but I can't even do that without you acting like a petulant child. And frankly I nearly got an ULCER doing that.

Glomgold: Well why don't you say what you really feel.

Owlson: Oh is that what you want?

Glomgold: More than anything

Owlson: You asked for it (hands him a form) Sign this

Glomgold: Okay... (Signs it)

Owlson: I had HR Make this up. It consents to me being able to yell at you.

Glomgold: Oh yes my good old screamy form.

Owlson: (takes breath) You are the worst person i've ever met. Your inconsidrate, selfish, sexist, stupid, homicidal, suicidal, sociopathic. I spent MONTHS trying to rescue this company from you, MONTHS, and you tore it apart in less than a year and ignored me. Constantly

Glomgold: Because i'm better than you!

Owlson: At what?! Hatching half brained schemes

Glomgold: You finally got it good for...

Owlson: Oh will you just shut up? I swear the ONLY thing you listen to is the sound of your own voice! You tanked this company AGAIN, treated me like less than a person, and BET THE ENTIRE COMPANY I MADE PROFITABLE AGAIN ON A STUPID BET YOU COUDLN'T POSSIBLY WIN.

Glomgold: Well maybe if you let me scheme more..

Owlson: My stopping you from spending every PENNY we have on your stupid vendetta with scrooge is the only REASON we have money left! It's the only reason your close to his range! I tried to help you win the legal way and you just ignored me! You got our company accused of stock fraud! You blew a surefire deal! You set fire to my apartment!

Glomgold: Now I cannae explain that one.

Owlson: I'm being so cooprative because tommorow i'm FREE OF YOU. I can finally have the company back and bar you from the preimsies.

Glomgold: Oh and what makes you think Scrooge would..

Owlson: because he told me. He told me if he wins, i.e. WHEN he whens I get the company. He actually TRUSTS me and dosen't treat me like whit enoise!

Glomgold: Your more like a car horn

Owlson: I .. I can't take any more of this. Your going to loose, i'm going to laugh about it and then EVERYONE is going to forget this. You could never do this, your too far behind and you can't top scrooge, his family or his sense of decensy. Good day Flintheart. (walks out)

Glomgold: I can't... because of.. his family? Hmmm I got a scheme.. I'LL SHOW YOU OWLSON, I'LL SHOW YOU SCROOGE , I'LL SHOW YOU STEVE!

Steve: (The janitor, has been here the whole time) What'd I do?

Glomgold: (manical laugh)

Steve:.. no seriously what'd I do?

[ectoplaesm-gone]

EG.ON’S LAB - analysis / master-post. contains after.life spoilers.

splitting this into sections! the board, the notes, the diplomas, and various things i noticed. i will update this as i continue to notice shit because its inevitable

THE BOARD: -it looks like egon is keeping growth charts of callie’s life which is super wholesome. to the left of the board it starts as a graph and then becomes hand drawn as time goes on, with pointers going to specific photos to showcase different points in her growth. -there’s a map of a waterfront area, presumably around callie’s university? guessing its somewhere in ohio where callie goes to university according to the other news pieces. -several sports articles indicating that callie grew up in chicago (chicago community news: local sets girl scout cookie record), went to college in ohio where she played soccer as a co-captain of the team, and majored in spanish and english with a minor in psychology, was apparently third team all-ohio pick, whatever that means. there’s other sports articles that suggest callie is a star athlete -there are so many sticky notes that can’t be made out just yet that aren’t showcased in the scene, i’m hoping that the making of afterlife book will have more about it! but for now:

THE NOTES, CHRONOLOGICALLY: Winter 1982 (i think, the second digit is covered by a thumbtack but it looks like 82. callie looks about 2) -first snow -image has strong impact on my pulse + body temperature (mun note: i fucking sobbed) -potential frostbite

1983 -recieved my b-day gift (mun note: typo is intentional, egon misspelled it. also suggests egon was not physically present - separation from callie’s mom was early on?) -curious if subject (middle section cut off by camera framing) soldering iron (mun note: egon why did you get a toddler a soldering iron)

Roadtrip 1984  -must research REM (mun note: i think egon was present for this roadtrip, suggests callie doesn’t sleep well)

1987 -freckle count has doubled since last year -braces will be next

Moving Day -dorm room shows serious fatigue in all load bearing (mun note: CALLBACK TO THE FIREHOUSE)

Untitled Note (this one has a breakdown of important school statistics, presumably about callie’s college) Student retention 84% Fourth year graduation rate 80% Domestic students of color 21% International student enrollment 10% ACT 25th-75th percentile 24-29% Class rank 25th-75th percentile 71-94%

THE DIPLOMAS (i have fixated on these all fucking afternoon) -two from Columbia University (at least 2 - one is clearly in frame, and the one above it looks identical but is cut off so i can’t be certain) -two from MIT (also 2, both clearly in frame) -one from University of Pennsylvania, I think! It’s in Latin -two from University of Verneray (I DONT FUCKING KNOW, it looks like it says verneray but that doesn’t exist. there are 2 of them) -two off frame ones, the making of book says at least one of them is from New York university! (credits to scout @pcdcast for sending me the info about this!)

MISCELLANEOUS:  -there’s a box of cheeseits on his desk -crunch bar wrapper! -the mushroom collection made my heart warm! look at his mold! -THE SLIME TOASTER IS UNDER HIS DIPLOMAS 

[huntsman-ash]

Headcanon: Pacifica

(Before Sinday begins for me, I give you where Ash and Team CAMO are currently based out of).

Every continent on Remnant has islands off its coasts. Sheered off by water action, by cataclysmic incidents with the tectonics, or simply having formed seperatly, they dot the coastlines of most of Remnant's landmasses.

Solitas is no different. And because its Solitas, and the majority of it is a frozen hellscape, almost every single one has at least some habitation.

One has...quite a lot.

(Please excuse the WoR map, I couldnt find a proper official one and RT are jerks and wont make one that actually works)

This is the island of Pacifica, the largest island in the south-west of Solitas, directly west of Atlas itself and the closest settlement to the small port of Cross's Landing.

Though here it is one single, large island, it is in fact a psudo-chain; the large island of Pacifica, the smaller northerly island of Wakattu, and the uninhabited, cloud-shrouded isle of Peliu.

Though they are the closest island to Atlas, the people who live there are not actually Atlesian, in bloodline or in government. They come from much older stock, a remnant if you will of a forgotten age.

Originally a mostly bare island, with a minor native population of marine faunus (primarily orcas) originating from nearby Wakattu, Pacifica was first founded during the Great War, when (being the closest island to Sanus, which is almost directly south of it via Vytal) it was utilized as an arms and embarkation base alongside Cross's Landing to load the invasion force that would eventually steamroll through northern Vale. As the decade of the Great War rolled on, a city formed to support the base, and to allow for the production, repair, enhancement and resupply of military goods of every sort. As it became more and more important, and more equipment flowed into it, its military asset grew as well. And as the war ground on, Mantle began to fear a counter attack from Vytal into it, and from there, a stepping stone to Solitas itself.

And so they set about building Pacifica into an unbreakable Iron Cage; delving to the shallow sea floor, they raised great walls, thicker even than the ones that would later defend Mantle itself, bristling with Dust shield projectors and defensive batteries. The island itself was enforced with gun batteries, missile systems, aircraft launch systems, air strips, and dockyards for the entire Mantle Navy. A full Army was stationed there at all times, usually new recruits cutting their teeth in combat against raiding parties from Vale or the Grimm that seemed to constantly be attracted to Peliu. The populous was slowly consumed into this, making the island a military nation-state with the explicet purpose of brunting every and all aggression from Vale to Mantle.

And then the Great War ended in Vacuo. Everything stopped. Peace filled the world and everyone was happy.

Except for Pacifica. They weren't particularly happy about what had happened...and they liked the power they had now. No longer were they merely a small outpost of something greater, they had TEETH now.

No pirate or bandit thought to approach them for they new the agonizingly fast death that would result. Aside from Peliu, the Grimm were no threat. Even the Wakattu, who at first had been hesitant to have so much equipment, so close, were grateful to have Pacifica's guns around when the largest of aquatic Grimm inevitably swam to their islands shores, seeking the creature that the people and the island itself were named for, as they had done for time immortal.

So when Mantle offered to take all their equipment back and restore the island to what it was before, the Pacifican Preatorian Defender (their equivilent of a king, or headmaster, or ruler) promptly told them, in no uncertain terms, to "fuck right off". Then Pacifica raised their sheilds, rolled out their guns, and stood on alert for anyone trying to come and take their power by force.

No one did of course. The time after the Great War was one of rebuilding. Mantle simply left Pacifica to do its own thing and 80 years of peace did the rest. Pacifica eventually became a productive member of the King of Vale's imagined peaceful Remnant.

Currently the nation is considered an island-state, with no official affiliation to any kingdom, but heavy trade ties to Atlas specifically (for obvious reasons). Their main imports are technology and Dust, unsurprisingly, with their main exports being aquatic food of all kinds, certain medicines Atlas can't make themselves, and enhancements to existing tech using some of the machinery that Mantle left behind. They also mildly trade with Vale for produce.

At least, that was the situation till the Fall of Vale...and, more recently, the Fall of Atlas.

During the Second Fall, Pacifica went into full military mode again; members of the Pacifica Guard swear up and down the Leviathan Grimm was approaching Pacifica itself, saw how many guns it had pointed at it and the swarm of interceptor fighters and the men and women in armor standing ready to face it...and it turned for Atlas because it would be a softer target.

When the CCTS went down fully, the island effectively went dark, relying on its internal equipment to maintain coms between units and citizens, unable to contact the outside world.

Needless to say, it was a rather nasty shock when, about a day into the siege of Atlas, an airship arrived.

Formerly an SDC Dust carrier, retrofitted into a heavily militarized "pleasure boat", this was the Final Solution, the personal vessel of Tahoma Vulcan of Vulcan Arms. On board was almost every Vulcan Arms employee, several dozen Mantle civilians who'd been swept up, every surviving Atlas "Helljumper" lead by their leader Hood Vulcan, the majority of the ladies of Madam Pappillion's Crystal Unicorn hotel (formerly the Glass Unicorn) alongside the Madam herself...

And Hunter-Killer Fireteam CAMO.

The uproar was quite something, but quickly settled down to military precision, as those that could fight were quickly and seamlessly folded into Pacifica's existing defensive measures.

The Madam and her ladies bid their leave here to settle on Wakattu, reuniting the Madam with her former bodyguard and head of security, Matriarch (head of the Wakattu tribe and its various pods) and the civilians were dispersed into the overall population to rest and recover.

And then literally half a day later, the shattered, battered remains of Atlas's Second Fleet arrived, First having headed south for Argus.

They told a horror story of what happened, of the destruction of the Whale by the Ace Ops, of Ironwoods sudden madness, and how, based on what they'd last seen, the kingdom was GONE, crashed into the tundra, burying Mantle with it.

With precision their forces were folded in as well, forming the First United Solitasian Protectorate Fleet.

And at some point during this, the 2500 meter long monstrosity known as the Spirit of Ice arrived...

And THEN, as if that wasn't enough, a couple dozen scrap-built ships came rolling in from the west, from the seemingly uninhabited dragon continent, all bearing the Grimm Eye of Salem.

Cultists, apparently, humans twisted to her worship or something similar. Madmen and savages to an individual...but in no way, shape, or form even near combat ready.

The USPF SLAUGHTERED them. The vindictive feeling soothed the rage of the Atlesians, and united them all in a common goal. A pact formed in blood of the unworthy, as the Lord Preatorian said.

As of now, Pacifica is the most defended settlement in the north of Remnant. And as of recently, they've finally begun opening the shield again to let teams out, to begin probing the tundra, the Atlas Wastes, and the new lake that covers both kingdoms...

And to let the Hunter-Killer team that shelters among them do their job once more.

[introvertguide]

Star Wars: The Franchise

Back in the mid 70s around Modesto, California, it is doubtful that George Lucas could have imagined that his idea for a space opera would become the second highest grossing movie franchise of all time. There has been some questionable content, however, since the groundbreaking original, and the returns have not been as great. There were also some one-offs that a lot of the younger fans might not be aware of. For my own sanity and organization, here is a listing of all feature length movies in the franchise:

Star Wars IV: A New Hope (1977) -

Definitely the most successful film (heck, one of the most successful films of all time) that made almost a billion dollars at the box office worldwide...in the 80s. Amazing. The story mimics the hero's journey as described by Joseph Campbell, giving it basically the most satisfying story imaginable. Nobody except for friend of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, thought it would be as successful as it was. This kind of popularity meant there was going to be some sequels and, since George Lucas was the man behind the whole thing, only one man was about to get tasked with future success.

Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) -

This was a TV movie that was made to cash in on the massive popularity of the first movie while the second one was in production. It is terrible. I generally try to hold back judgement and point out subjective opinions, but I think I can say that this made-for-TV movie is objectively bad. It is the equivalent of a variety show, a format which was popular at the time, and it was awful. It is widely considered to be one of the worst visual productions of all time. Just to give a hint of its awfulness, the movie follows the adventures of Chewbacca's Wookie family and they only speak in growls with no interpretation or subtitles. Laughably awful.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980) -

Arguably the best of the films as far as story and plot, this film was actually directed by Irvin Kershner with a George Lucas story adapted to the screen by Lawrence Kasdan. This film is legitimately fantastic and not just new and fun. It is so well written and directed with the famous reveal between Luke and Darth Vader. It also is incredibly downbeat at the end that perfectly sets up the next film. I personally think this is the best example of fine film in the franchise, although it doesn't have as much big action and no giant space laser. Well worth watching and makes the third film a must see.

Return of the Jedi (1983) -

Well, not as good as the first two, but still pretty darn good. This film introduced the Ewoks and the Endor moon battle. Many fans thought that the introduction of living teddy bears was a mistake that distract from the story. What really made the film, apparently, was the whole sequence at the beginning that takes place at Jabba the Hut's palace and involves Princess Leia in a metal bikini. We also find out that Luke and Leia are twins, so that kiss in the second film suddenly becomes kind of awkward. This becomes kind of a theme from here on out: should we disavow canon or put in throwaway lines and scenes to cover things that were mentioned in previous movies. It plagues the prequels.

The Ewok Adventure (1984) -

I get a lot of garbage about it, but I love these movies because I grew up with them. They are not that great and the copy that I saw over and over had ads from the early 80s throughout. Heavy nostalgia. Also, some of the Ewoks were played by established actors from what is now called Episode VI, Warwick Davis as Wicket and Tony Cox as Widdle. It was a lot of fun, but definitely a higher budgeted TV movie. It did become so successful that it got a theater release as Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure. This naming style stuck around for the spin off films that were made in the late 2010s.

Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985) -

Hot dang, they made a second one with Wilford Brimley! Both of the Ewok films were thought up by George Lucas and sold to ABC. Both films were also given special Emmy awards for special effects. I can't fault either Ewok film as far as visuals since both got the ILM treatment. I have stated that I liked both of these movies more than some of the prequels, and I stand by that.

The Phantom Menace (1999) -

The next three films followed the first three episodes in the Star Wars saga and are now generally known as the prequels. They are also pretty widely hated. One reason for that was the introduction of young Anikan Skywalker (eventual Darth Vader) and his growing attachment to Lord Palpatine (Darth Sidious). The problem with the prequels is that it was a path leading to a result that had been established over 20 years ago in the first film. They also introduced a character named Jar-Jar Binks who was just awful. There was a great pod racing scene and an epic Sith vs. Jedi battle that really were the highlights of the film. The music was also pretty epic, but the film was otherwise not that great. It was completely made under the helm of George Lucas and fans were suddenly starting to wonder if he was the genius they had thought him to be. What I consider to be the best YouTube deep dive movie review of all time, a group called Red Letter Media made a seven part review that explains why the movie was such a problem. You can watch the first part and it will auto load all seven here:

(1) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Review (Part 1 of 7) - YouTube

Attack of the Clones (2002) -

Alright, here is where things really start to go down hill. There is a fine actor by the name of Hayden Christiansen that is just awful in this film. He is given nothing to do for the most part. He is supposed to be this amazing Jedi general, but he spends most of his time walking around speaking in a very monotone voice. He does have some fun piloting scenes, but he is written as such a whiny brat. There are two epic battles (the coliseum and Dooku vs. Yoda) and we get to see a bounty hunter in action. It does seem like a lot of fan service glued together by boring politics and horrifically bad acting.

Revenge of the Sith (2005) -

This is widely considered the worst of the prequel movies and generally laughable at some points. There is supposed to be an epic lava battle at the end, but it is just a bunch of screaming about a failed bromance. We get to see the end of the characters in the prequel and set up the original movies...that were now almost 30 years old. It was unsatisfying and not even slightly worth the wait. It was at this time that George Lucas said that there would never be a seventh episode that would follow the original trilogy.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) -

There was a very compelling series of Star Wars shorts in 2003 made by Genndy Tartakovsky that did very well. George Lucas saw this and decided that a lot of the most interesting Star Wars events had occurred during the time between the prequels and the original series. Lucasfilm put out an animated movie to test the waters and it was so successful that 7 seasons of great animated adventures were made to show the epic battles that were supposed to take place between the second and third episode. I honestly believe that this was the very best space action of the entire franchise.

The Force Awakens (2015) -

George Lucas sold the Star Wars franchise over to Disney and fans got a new movie that was never supposed to happen. Once Disney came on board, the brand became much more prolific. Until the pandemic, there were plans to put out a Star Wars movie every year for a decade. The first was episode seven and was made by J.J. Abrams. It was similar to the first film (episode IV) in so many ways that fans started to think it was just a remake. It even had a lot of the characters from the original trilogy. It was much better received by fans following the prequels and introduced a storyline that was not already spoiled by previous movies. There was a lot of unnecessary fan service for those who loved the original trilogy. This makes since because it involved Lawrence Kasdan, who helped with the screenplay for episode five and six from the original trilogy.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) -

A full big budget release of a Star Wars movie that wasn't one of the episodes was an interesting idea. It was an entire movie to explain a throwaway line from the original 1977 movie. I lot of people died to get some plans for the big weapon in the first film and people wanted to know exactly how that happened. Actually they didn't. But Disney thought it was a good idea and it seemed like it would make a lot of money (it did). It gave the producers a chance to make a movie with new characters and only mentions of the famous story (this was important because the other actors where making the next episode).

The Last Jedi (2017) -

This was an interesting change of pace from the rest of the films because it seemed to drop the idea of the "chosen one" and say that anyone could be a Jedi. It is basically one giant escape story and is closer to Mad Max in space than it is to the other Star Wars films. It was given in full by Disney to Rian Johnson and it shows. This was the first episode film that had nothing in common with any of the production group from the original trilogy. No Kasdan, no Kirschner, no Lucas, all Disney. It was not very well received.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) -

The worst performing of any of the Star Wars live action feature length films, this was the story of Han Solo. That's it. There is not a lot of history about the character and he is so cool, fans needed to have a stand alone movie about his youth. That's a lie, Disney wanted a movie to come out between episode eight and nine. This was the best that the suits could come up with and it definitely made money, but it is lame.

The Rise of Skywalker (2019) -

Well, the movie completely helmed by Rian Johnson was not popular enough so there was a total retcon situation and this film basically picked up where episode seven left off. It was the same team from episode seven (since that film was so much more popular) and they made a final film that wraps up with a bow. Sort of. There was definitely room in the film world for more Star Wars movies to be made (it is owned by Disney) and I really don't believe it is finished as a franchise.

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Just in case there are people who were nervous that this was the end of the franchise, there is currently a stand alone film called Rogue Squadron that is supposed to come out in 2023. Thank goodness. There was also the popular Mandalorian series on Disney +. But the franchise has been making huge films for almost 45 years now, so maybe it is time to stop. We have the MCU that has made almost twice as much money as the Star Wars universe, so most movie goers have picked their setting that they want to see. Maybe there could be a crossover (I am kidding, please no) and it would be the most watched film of all time.

[amanda-glassen]

Here’s my Jamie application (because anyone would be lucky to be yours)

1) If there’s something Ser Bear loves (other than Ollie, horror, wine and worms) it’s cheese. So my first pick would be nachos, the kind that are so loaded the chips can’t take it.

And (because this is a Jamie application after all) a glass of water because… hydrate or die straight. (and because Jamie hates to see Serena miserable, even if it’s from the consequences of her decisions 😆)

2) We’d come to a compromise (after all, convincing Serena is what Jaime does best 😉) So, Christmas decor with small touches of spook. Fluffy (Serena’s 6 foot pet demon statue) in a Santa costume holding a candy cane. Her 🎃 wearing a little Santa hat as well, and the saw (which is not a decoration, it’s family) covered in Christmas lights, set above where the stockings are hanging.

3) Would I sit and watch with her? Yes. Would I gag throughout the entirety of the movie and demand head-scratches and cuddles in compensation? Also, yes.

We can watch horror until her heart is content, as long as there are head-scratches. (Plus, horror makes Serena happy, and seeing Serena happy makes Jamie happy.)

4) Any Jamieson worth their salt knows that the Koala Cuddles™️ are the best kind of cuddles. Nothing can beat having a smol Ser Bear wrapped around you. (And let’s be real, to Jamie, any cuddles are the best cuddles as long as she gets to hold Serena)

So, how’d I do? 🥺

1) Serena is a huge fan of nachos that are like 20% chips and 80% gooey cheese. She likes licking the cheese off of her fingers and Jamie's. Not in a flirtatious way, but more of a "don't eat my cheese, woman" type of way.

Also, yessss!!! Ser Bear needs lots of water when she's drunk and Jamie and Ollie have been trained to get it for her.

2) Our Ser Bear loves small touches of spook and she especially loves when Jamieson makes her saw pretty enough to include in the Christmas photo.

3) Serena knows deep down Jamieson is a princess, so there will be plenty of head scratches.

4) Ser Bear is very smol so she requires a lot of cuddles, especially Koala Cuddles with her Jamieson.

Also, this was beautiful, Jamieson. 🥺

[aion-rsa]

Malignant and Shock Twists That Ruin Movies

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This article contains Malignant spoilers.

No matter what you think of James Wan’s Malignant, you have to give him this much: it’s pretty original. The filmmaker behind some of the biggest horror movies from this century—Saw, Insidious, and The Conjuring in all under a decade—used that clout to pass on a sure thing like directing The Conjuring 3 and instead created something absolutely batshit crazy. In fact, it is on a hill of that batshit where Malignant will live or die for most viewers.

If you’ve read this far, we hope you’ve seen the movie and it’s not a spoiler to say that Gabriel—the mysterious “imaginary friend” from a forgotten childhood—is actually a parasitic twin. Yes, the monster killing everyone is actually the forgotten sibling of Madison (Annabelle Wallis). He stopped developing early on during their mother’s pregnancy, yet he’s shared literal space in Madison’s head and on her body ever since… and he’s been lying dormant for nearly 30 years until a nasty bump on the head gives him the ability to take over sis’ body and crawl out of her skull!

The concept is pure lunacy, and stranger still James Wan pivots his entire movie around the “reveal” of this image of Gabriel emerging out of the back of Madison’s head. Not until audiences are over an hour in do they realize what kind of schlocky silliness they’ve signed up for. It’s a bold gambit from a filmmaker who has the security of a billion-dollar Aquaman franchise behind him to take big swings like this. It also fails spectacularly on nearly every level.

On paper, the twist of Gabriel’s origin might suggest Wan is attempting to mainstream and revitalize a different type of horror, just as he did with “torture porn” in Saw and modern haunted house movies in Insidious and The Conjuring. In that sense, the image of an underdeveloped “cancer” growing out of a little girl’s back in Malignant is pure body horror. Is this Wan’s attempt at playing in David Cronenberg’s sandbox?

Perhaps. There are definite similarities between Malignant and several Cronenberg horror movies from the late 1970s and early ‘80s, which trafficked all in the shock of physical deformity to get under the skin—and closer to darker thoughts in the mind. Cronenberg’s The Brood (1979) bears particular similarities to Malignant. In that film, a couple’s messy divorce and child custody battle takes on horrific connotations when the wife (Samantha Eggar) seeks experimental psychological treatment from a doctor (Oliver Reed) who convinces her to physically manifest her pain: which involves the shocking ending where she gives birth to a brood of monstrous alien-children who kill her subconscious’ enemies and attempt take her daughter back from her estranged husband.

The revelation of these children is visually more shocking and scarring than any image of twisted, misshapen appendages or opening skulls in Malignant. But then that’s because like all other Cronenberg films, the body horror was merely a means to an end. A metaphor about male-dominated society’s anxiety toward the bonds between mother and children, and even a fear of the reproductive process unto itself, underlies the entire running time of The Brood. It’s the ugliness of this paranoia made visceral.

Yet this comparison shows where Malignant fails. Like the Cronenberg movie, Wan’s film pivots on a shocking twist and an uncomfortable image of physical distortion. Yet that twist and that image are ends unto themselves, divorced from any sort of significant meaning or depth.

The revelation that Madison is attached to a deformed and malicious twin brother who hides, quite literally, inside her head appears to serve no purpose beyond the initial shock of seeing Gabriel crawling out of a little girl’s back like one of the grosser gags in a Troma film. Wan and his co-writers—Ingrid Bisu and Akela Cooper—don’t appear to have anything to say after this other than “boo.” When Gabriel finally reveals himself in the film’s present timeline, it isn’t for anything as loaded as the image of a mother licking her newborn’s afterbirth before the eyes of a disgusted husband; it is just so Gabriel can take over Madison’s body and brutally kill a bunch of other prisoners inside a jail cell. It’s maximum splatter for minimal payoff. As a story, Malignant isn’t really about anything else.

In this way, Malignant falls into the long line of empty calorie “twist endings” that define their movies for all the wrong reasons. These are twists that rather than get under the skin settle for tickling the funny bone.

For better or worse, perhaps the filmmaker most associated with these types of misjudged shocks is M. Night Shyamalan. He’s another undeniable auteur with a taste for the peculiar and daring. He can also lay claim to one of the all-time best narrative twists in a horror movie or any other genre thanks to The Sixth Sense. The realization that Bruce Willis has been a ghost for almost that entire film’s running time, and what it both means for the scenes between him and Haley Joel Osment as well as his character’s own sense of anguished regret, earned Shyamalan a Best Screenplay Oscar nomination.

Which is likely why so many folks still cackle about some of Shyamalan’s attempts to recapture that magic with subsequent twist endings. To be clear, Shyamalan has achieved some great shocks in subsequent movies, from Unbreakable to more recently The Visit and Split. But nothing can forgive the disappointment found in revealing the characters in the 19th century-set The Village have actually been living in the 21st century the whole time—and that their town’s elders have simply been lying to younger generations about monsters in the woods for reasons. Nor can anything silence the giggles that still curl the corner of the mouth when one recalls that “it’s the trees” out to cause humans to commit mass suicide in The Happening.

Twists that exist purely for the purpose of shock are a bit like a camp counselor making up a ghost story as they go along. The results might be amusing (or not), but they rarely make sense.

When the desire to shock becomes the sole reason to tell the story, the “twists” are more often remembered for their absurdity (like figuring out that Matthew McConaughey is a video game character in Serenity) or outright incredulity (such as Robert Pattinson’s coming of age story in Remember Me turning out to be a 9/11 movie the whole time with the final scene occurring on a Tuesday morning in September).

I don’t think the twist in Malignant works. At all. It’s an unsatisfying answer to an otherwise uninspiring mystery, which is unspooled in an obligatory fashion. Since viewers don’t know who most of the murder victims are in the stylish if otherwise uninvolving first half of the picture, Wan’s visual flair amounts to little of interest. The same goes for Wallis’ flat performance.

When coupled with a “reveal” that has nothing meatier to add beyond Madison developing inexplicable super-strength, so as to allow her to punch her fist through other inmates’ bodies, the movie becomes downright laughable. Yet in its way, that laugh will stick out in the memory a lot longer than other failures that are just going through some other movie’s formulaic motions. So maybe Gabriel really will get the last laugh in the end?

Malignant is in theaters and streaming on HBO Max now.

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[justjessame]

Starting Over Chapter 8

“How long does this dish usually take?” Bucky was glancing over my shoulder, under the open lid as I gave the contents a stir.  He wasn’t being as careful as he had been, and his body was pressed against me, creating a slight malfunction in my brain functions.

“Um,” I closed my eyes and swallowed down a rush of hunger for more than chicken and dumplings.  Think, Brooke, think.  “Around a half an hour, I think.”   It had been a long time since I’d helped my mom make it.  

He hummed his understanding, his right hand moving to my waist.  “The timer is still in the living room.”  I nodded.  “Let’s go set it.”  His lips found the soft spot just behind my ear and I was thinking for a guy who hadn’t seen this type of action for over 80 years he had a great memory for the mechanics.  Pulling me away from the stove, we were back in my living room and he picked up the little plastic owl and set it for thirty minutes.  

“Now,” I bit my lip when he turned to face me.  “What should we do for a half an hour?”  

“WWSD?”  I asked and he squinted at me.  “What Would Steve Do?”  He shook his head and reached for me.  “What?”  I teased, as he sat back in my seat on the sofa and pulled me down onto his lap.  “Surely Steve wouldn’t do THIS.”  My legs went on either side of his as naturally as anything and then his hands were carefully framing my face, our lips met and I stopped teasing, and stopped thinking about Steve Rogers.  Captain America who?

My hands finally made up their minds, sliding into his hair to hold him tight and I sighed as his left hand, cooler than his right, slid down my back and teased at the skin that was bared as my shirt rose slightly from my position on his lap.  I smiled into the kiss when he nipped at my bottom lip, happy that Bucky wasn’t going to be timid, and when our mouths broke free this time he was breathless, not as badly as me, but at least I knew he was affected.  And it wasn’t only to get air this time.  

Once Bucky got started, he was a man on a mission.  His lips sliding along my jaw, teasing as he kissed, telling me how much he loved how I tasted and how much he wanted to taste more of me.  He’d just found my pulse, which was pounding so hard I was almost certain that my neighbors could hear it, when the timer went off.  He growled and I groaned.  

I was panting, and he was still against my neck, holding me tight.  Could he feel my pulse through my entire body?  Because I sure as fuck felt like I could.  I felt him swallow rather than heard it, and then a soft kiss, softer than we’d worked up to, and Bucky worked his way back to my mouth and face.  A long, slow kiss - as if he NEEDED one more before he could let me go and then he pulled back to look into my eyes.  

He brushed my hair out of my face, smiling at me.  “Think dinner’s ready?”  I chuckled, breathless.  

“Probably,” I hoped I could stand up without falling over.  I was throbbing it seemed, with need.  Bucky was still holding me, his hands on my waist.  “We should get up and check.”  

“Yeah,” he agreed, but didn’t move.  “If I wasn’t completely opposed to a visit from the fire department -”  that got a real laugh from me.  

“That would be a pretty horrible way to end an evening, Buck.”  I got up off of his lap carefully and held out my hand.  “Come on, let’s go see if I didn’t ruin dinner.”  

He took my hand, but didn’t actually use it to get up, because that would be ridiculous.  Instead, he linked our fingers and walked with me to the kitchen.  “Not possible,” he shook his head with complete confidence in my cooking abilities.  “Besides, we can always order in and kill the time until it gets here -” another twist of need hit me at the very idea and I almost hoped that dinner WAS ruined.  

Dinner wasn’t ruined.  In fact it was just as tasty as when Mom had made it.  Bucky ate seconds, then thirds.  We told stories about our families, and our friends.  The times before, long before in his case, the Snap, and we got to know one another a little more.  

“You ended up riding home in a freezer truck?” I was staring at him like he was crazy, because I was kind of thinking he might be.  “Because of a girl?”  

“She was cute,” he winked at me.  “Delores.” He nodded as if the memory was a fun and normal one, which for a man his age, it might be.

“Wanna look her up?”  I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and sitting back.  “I mean, she might still be available.”  

Bucky licked his bottom lip after he took a drink and I was distracted for a moment.  “Your eyes are green, Brooke, but jealousy isn’t a great look.”  His teeth flashed and I tossed a napkin at him.  

“I’m not jealous, I'm just not one to stand in the way of true love.”  I stood up to gather up our dirty dishes so I could load the dishwasher.  “I mean, any guy who’s willing to ride home in a freezer truck because he spent all his money trying to win a girl a silly bear, that sounds special.”  I had my back to him and I should have remembered that he moved like smoke, but I was new to life around Bucky Barnes.  

When I stood up from putting the dishes in the machine, he was there, pressed against my back, his hands sliding down my arms and I forgot what the hell I was teasing him about.  “Dot’s dead, or she’s close to it.”  The heat of his breath against my earlobe had me wishing for a drink, of what I wasn’t sure, but something to quench my thirst.  “I want to kiss you again.”  I nodded, that sounded fair.  

I turned and our lips met, like magnets, and I sighed.  That did it.  That was what I was so thirsty for, the taste of him.  I was off my feet and in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist and he had my back against the nearest wall.  We were both smiling as the kiss deepened, his fingers growing bolder, teasing under the hem of my shirt, and mine tugging at his even as my legs worked against my progress.  

It wasn’t fair, I realized, as Bucky’s hand rose higher, finding more of my skin to touch and tempt, and I was still running into problems with getting his skin bare.

“Do you need some help?”  He murmured, pulling away as I groaned, fisting his shirt.  My gaze met his and even as his fingers were teasing at the bottom curve of my bra covered breast, his eyes were twinkling with amusement.  

Instead of my normal reaction, I kissed him, slower and more sensuously then he was expecting.  His fingers stopped teasing my skin, and I unwrapped my legs from his waist and slid down the wall, forcing him to lean down to follow my mouth.  Without my own damn trap, I pulled his shirt free, and slipped my fingers under the fabric, finally touching HIS skin.  He sighed into my kiss and I swallowed it, fed it back, and let my fingers run a path higher. 

Bucky was sharp ridges, and warmth.  He pulled away from my mouth so he could stare into my eyes as my fingertips ran along his chest, under his shirt, skin on skin.  Somehow more intimate than being completely bare before one another.  When I reached his shoulders, running over both cliffs, his mouth met mine again, hands pulling me to him, holding me tight, while my hands were trapped under his shirt.  

The next time we pulled apart, not far enough to really count, we were both breathing less than easily.  “I -” Bucky was looking down at me like he was looking at something incredibly precious, and I felt incredibly precious because of it.  “I have to go.”  I knew he was thinking I wasn’t going to take it well, but he didn’t know about my nightmares, so -

“I thought you might,” I bit my lip and watched his gaze follow the movement.  “I guess I can’t convince you that my guest room is a good alternative to the walk back to your apartment again, can I?”  

He shook his head, his thumb finding its home brushing under my eye.  “No, not yet.”  I nodded.  “I -” he was working out whether he wanted to tell me something, I was getting good at knowing the signs.  “I have problems sleeping.”  

I huffed out a breath.  “Oh,” my thoughts went to the flashes that were waiting for me when I finally went to bed.  “Yeah, I can understand that.”  Bucky was studying me, scrutinizing actually.  “Brooke?”  I swallowed and waited.  “Are you having problems -”

“I think anyone who went through what we did, the Snapped, I mean, have some residual side effects, Buck.”  I shrugged him off.  

He was looking at me like he wasn’t quite buying my bullshit, which was pretty apt, since I didn’t buy my bullshit either.  “You said you tried group therapy?”  Shit, me and my big fucking mouth.  

I pulled away and unwound myself from his shirt.  “Yeah, the ‘regular’ people all got shoved into it, right after.”  I moved to the stove to put the leftovers in Tupperware.  “Do you want to take some of this with you?  It’s not bad for breakfast - well lunch?”  

“Brooke?”  I sighed.  “Come on, I told you about mine.”  He had, and to be fair, his was arguably more fucked up.  

I turned to face him, and of course he was closer than I expected.  “Don’t make me put a bell on you, Bucky Barnes.”  He smirked and I rolled my eyes.  “I went to group therapy,” I took a deep breath and took a great interest in my socks.  “Everyone wanted to talk about how great it was to be back, even though they all didn’t realize they were gone.” Weirdest shit that I’d ever heard.  “We all look the SAME, Bucky.  Exactly the same as the day we poofed.  And everyone who didn’t looks different.”  Or they’re gone, like Mom and Dad.  “I sat there, listening to thirty people talk about the Utopia of coming home, but no one talked about where we were.  And I realized no one knew where we were, no one saw or felt anything when they were gone.”  

“Because we were gone, Brooke,” Bucky was waiting, his gaze just locked and loaded when I looked up.  “Just gone.”  

“No,” I shook my head.  “We were SOMEWHERE, Bucky, because I remember parts of it.”  He was staring at me and I sighed.  “OK, that’s a stretch, I have nightmares.  Or, maybe that’s not the right word either.  I have flashes.  Colors that I can’t name, then these horrible feelings.  Impressions of pain and suffering and terror.  And I wake up gasping and screaming every single day.”  My eyes were burning and I felt like I unloaded the worst secret that I’d ever had.  

Instead of calling me crazy and running away, Bucky pulled me to him and held me while I cried.  And I wasn’t entirely sure why I was crying, if it was because I finally told someone, or if I was finally grieving the loss of my family and my life from before, but he held me and told me that he was there that I wasn’t alone.  Not now.