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peach-and-bugs · 1 year ago

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💚Lottie Matthews NSFW Alphabet💚 (18+, age in bio/pinned or you will be blocked)

💚Read the SFW Alphabet here!💚

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Warnings: All Smut, given the nsfw title, thoughts about pregnancy, periods, mention of prior ptsd [AFAB Reader/anatomy used] (18+, age in bio/pinned or you will be blocked)

Word Count: 2,035

A/N: Honestly, I feel this could be my most "outlandish" set of headcanons for one of the girls, but only because I think I interpreted Lottie differently than others might. I don't really have a reason, it just kinda feels right for her I guess? I'm not really sure. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading!💚

Lottie Matthews Tag List:

Yellowjackets Tag List: @frasersgf @minimickzy

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She’s very touchy-feely after sex wanting to be the one to clean you up, run her fingers through your hair to freshen it back up, and take you into the bathroom for a bath because she just wants to pamper you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It’s corny as hell, but she loves your eyes. She constantly watches how your eyes grow and change with every touch because that is the truest indicator of pleasure and approval that she’s found. The eyes can rarely lie, and oh how beautiful yours are when they roll back in during the height of ecstasy that she gets to bring upon you

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She loves the taste of your cum on her tongue, especially when she gets to mingle it with the taste of your lips after she’s done a good job.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She’d never bring it up unless the conversation lead to it, and it’s not really “dirty” per se, but she often thinks about how beautiful you’d be carrying your (being you and her) baby. The thought of you bringing a new life into her world that belongs to the both of you is just so magical to her and it kind of gets her going. It could have stemmed from watching Shauna’s pregnancy during a traumatic and developing time, she’s not sure. Of course, she’d never put you in a position where you felt that having children is a requirement with her, but if you wanted it she’d gladly welcome the idea and enjoy the view

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I don’t think she’s all that experiences in general. Lottie doesn’t seem to me to be the type to have explored that a lot in her teen years given she thought she’d have had time in college and after the crash, she was sent away. She’s only been able to explore herself for the last few decades and I think she’s a far more guarded character than we might think, so it’ll take quite a bit of time for her to get comfortable enough with someone to explore that part of herself

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

She loves being on her knees for you, holding your hand in hers as she eats you out with you dripping down her chin and cheeks. She loves her view from below. But if she’s the one being pleased, she wants you right next to her in bed, hand buried deep in her as she wraps around you, her head buried into your neck and shoulder with little to no space between you. She wants to feel your breath fan over her face and hear every comment you have to make whispered in her ear.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Lottie is extremely serious about sex. It's almost ceremonial or sacred to her. She feels as though sex is an ultimate bond that partners choose to take that can help them grow into a whole new point in their relationship. She’d convinced that sex can and will elevate your relationship to a whole new level that connects you in more ways than just physical. Over time though, I think she can become more casual when it comes to sex if that's what you both want, and with that loosening up, I could see her becoming more carefree and silly during intimacy

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I honestly don't think any of the girls are completely hairless after the wilderness just because 1) they got used to having body hair, and it's no longer taboo for them and 2) they were growing up in the 90’s when body hair wasn’t stigmatized. But for Lottie, she seems like the type to wax rather than shave, but she doesn't keep up with it rigorously, so it's common for her to have a reasonable amount of growth most of the time because it doesn’t bother her. And that’s with everything. Arms, legs, all the goods

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

She’s sickeningly romantic. There isn’t a moment where she’s not entangled with you in one way or another and she constantly murmurs sweet nothings in your ear, as you do with her because she craves any form of praise. She also loves sex under candlelight, or just fire in general. The way the flickering light gives her a minimal view of you, but what she can see is basked in hot, warm light is such a turn-on in of itself, even when you haven't touched her yet

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She didn’t masturbate a lot before. Again, Lottie didn’t explore her sexual side much, if not at all till well into her adulthood. But once she’s committed to a relationship with you, masturbation is reserved for when she can’t have you, and part of her loathes it because she’d much rather be touching you than herself. And while she’s learned to please you, there's a curve in learning to please herself that she finds intensely frustrating. It could be really fun to teach her

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Body worship, except she wants to do the worshiping rather than be worshiped. She’s tried it the other way before and even with it being strictly and completely out of intimacy, it reminds her of her teen years and the position she felt forced into. Despite still being in a leader's role in her comune, it's not out of a want for that position. It's to provide the healing she also needs. She much prefers to be on her knees for you, bathing in words of praise and encouragement as you reward her with pleasure

She’s also into tantra sex, which is using sex as a spiritual connection. It’s part of why she loves your eyes so much and constantly wants to be as close to you as possible when intimate, almost to the point of becoming one being

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Of course, she loves sex in the sanctity of your bedroom, but on particularly daring nights she’s a fiend for having sex out by the forest fire pit under the stars and the moon. There's an exhilarating feeling about being able to be as loud as you like but still wondering if you’re truly alone, and she adores having the fire lit, blazing beside you, and warming exposed skin even further

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

She’s especially turned on when you get touchy-feely with her, especially on her face. She loves when you touch her ears and the back of her neck specifically. Do that enough and she’s whisking you away for herself

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

She is very against period play but only when it’s her. If you’re on your period she doesn't care one bit about pleasing you, but when it’s her, she doesn't want to be touched down there whatsoever. The image of you with that much blood brings out such a heavy feeling of dread that she doesn’t like thinking about

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She’s a connoisseur of both but prefers giving. She loves looking up at you through her lashes with those big bright brown eyes just to make sure that she’s doing a good job. She loves the tightening feeling of your legs pressing in on her head and nearly suffocating her because she knows that she’s making you feel good and right and the clawing feeling of your hands gripping her scalp for support. There's an electrifying magic to it all really

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

She’s more slow and sensual. She needs to make a connection with you and you can’t rush that. She’ll draw sex out as long as she can just to be one with you for a minute longer

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She’s not a quickie girl. She needs to take her time and have her fill

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

I think after a while she’d be curious to experiment more, but it would take a little time. When she grows interested in adding new things to the bedroom I think she’d be the type to order a book online. She’ll read it when she got free time with her reading glasses on, taking a highlighter and sticky notes to the pages of things she wants to remember and keep in mind and she’ll bring them to you when she finished with a new passage to get your opinion on it

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

She’s pretty average, not lasting a crazy amount of time. She adores you, but she doesn’t need all day or night to be spent with just sex. She enjoys her time with you to be occupied in a wide variety of ways

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I don't think she’s that into penetrative toys. However, things like bondage rope, a silk gag/blindfold, and other kink-related memorabilia are fair game

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She’s not much of a teaser in my opinion, mostly because with you there’s no need to tease. She gets what she wants just by asking, but she does enjoy being teased now and then. But it can’t be obvious. Maybe it’s by wearing a favorite dress of hers, or by touching her face each time you need to get past her, or the chance to see her intermittently throughout your days

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lottie is another quiet girl to me. She’s more squeaky and airy when she's making any sound that pleasure related. She whines and whimpers a lot rather than moans and she seems like the type to muffle her words, but I think she talks quite a bit when it's your turn with her, and it's all very rushed and whispery in your ear, her words scrambled together as she tries to get it out before taking another breath tightly through her teeth

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She’s into waxplay and is delighted to find out about lotion candles from those esty stores. She’s got all different sents and she loves the double use of wax and lotion. She loves both giving and receiving the wax and the additional task of rubbing the lotion in is one of her favorite forms of foreplay

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She’s pretty lanky in her limbs and tends to hunch her shoulders when relaxed. I think she’s got a small happy trail over her stomach and she often braids her hair before sleeping

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Her sex drive is only high because of you. Now she’ll gladly have you every night if that's what you want. But, sex isn’t her main priority and she’s always game for a tame night in with tea and books or a movie instead

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

She doesn’t sleep quickly. I think sex is more refreshing for her than anything. Like, after an orgasm she’s ready for a shower and then goes off to do laundry. That is, she’s only leaving you if you fall asleep. But when it's very late at night though she’ll stay in bed, curled up with you and stroking your hair till she comes down enough to sleep

#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡#fanfiction requests #fic request #yellowjackets #yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets thoughts #yellowjackets headcanons #lottie yellowjackets #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews #lottie matthews headcanons

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cassie-mun-the-daughter-of-death · 29 days ago

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Welcome!

Main acc: @utterlyvertigo

This is a roleplay acc for my oc Cassandra Mun. Agathario daughter

Any violence/homophobia will result in immediate block

- C.M 🌸

My Coven:

💜 @fagatharkness - Agatha Harkness, my Mum, witch killer, killer style, occasionally bursts into song, also happens to be Jolene (yes that Jolene)

🖤 @theeegreenwitch - Rio Vidal, my Mamí, Lady Death herself, owns an emotional support knife, seems scary but she’s the sweetest

💛 @winemothercalderu - Lilia Calderu, my unofficial aunt, she lives rent free in my mum’s basement, likes wine and tarot

❤️ @alice-wuing-ur-ass-lol - Alice Wu Gulliver, our favourites hot topic girl, flirts with Lilia and Jen loads, also has a famous witch mother

🩷 @kalekare - Jennifer Kale, bound witch bestie, unfairly perfect skin, she makes face creams which are apparently delicious

💙 @cansomeonetakemetotheroad - Billy Maximoff, emo dude and total witchcraft nerd, I used to babysit him

🩵 @speedy-toby - Toby Tommy Maximoff, the fast one, also babysat him, currently not in an existing body

🩶 @nickythescratching - Nicholas Scratch, my older brother, he’s the best, also not in a body for some reason

❤️ @maximoffher-rocker - Wanda Maximoff, the twins mother, my mums situationship from hell

💚 @since-51 - Mrs Hart Sharon, my next door neighbour, plant expert, she’s makes really good pies

🧡 @yourfavouriteboyf - Eddie, Billy’s boytoy, our pet human

🤍 @alexandramayisgay - Alexandra, literal chaos incarnate, Alice’s friend and I think she’s Lilia’s ex??

🩶 @bitemarksonyourveins - Carmen, taking “blood” witch to a whole new freaky level!

🩵 @literallybornfromspite - Sabrina, not the teenage witch, my half sister-? (Complete and utter bitch! Harkness/Kale beef lives in me)

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cephalonserotonin · 7 months ago

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Devstream 179 Notes

Thank you for your patience as I get this out about a week late; I've had multiple family obligations the past few weeks which have, alas, cut into my warframe time.

Apparently the Stug is a Top Gear reference (Kaz is wearing a motorcycle helmet and doesn't speak for a good 20 minutes, it's actually kind of annoying) A new devstream face on the left: Nikita, principal weapons artist!

1999 Hype Dripfeed

(to catch up those unaware: first referenced in last year's tennocon, and barely begun in the Whispers in the Walls update, Warframe 1999 is the game's "next chapter," unexpectedly taking place during what seems to be the age of the apple II and Y2K, featuring "protoframes" and the good works of Nine Inch Nails.)

Tennocon 2024 merch is retro 1999 and awesome: the physical merch pack includes a very cool USB key, and the digital pack includes a dope syandana

YAY the Aoi teaser, it is absolutely worth rewatching

Concept art for Arthur, Aoi, PINK ATOMICYCLE!

Protea Prime next this week

Protea Prime herself and her awesome trailer have come out since I took these notes, so I'm just going to link the prime access trailer and website promo instead of my usual preview descriptions. Definitely watch the trailer, it's....inspiring. We've had such banging soundtracks for the prime trailers lately!

May 15 "Interim" Update:

Will bring next season of Nightwave; the current season will end on that day, and the next will start two hours later (on the same day; how nice, I hate waiting that extra week). Comes with a set of "daybreak" skins for the nukor, glaive, kubrows (?), and the ✨CEDO✨(my Lavos bias comes through)

Some tennogen skins, nice to see skins for less represented boys Revenant and Baruuk. There will be another batch of tennogen in the Jade Shadows that includes a skin for Lavos (hype).

💚 Update 36: Jade Shadows💚

Lore focusing on the Stalker coming from a Post-TNW perspective

I got really excited because Rebb used "they" for the Stalker (who I think has always previously been he/himd?)

Jade: the 57th warframe! She's somewhat but not wholly angelic: light is the theme, but there is "choral flavour." Pablo describes her kit as "support and debuffing enemies"

Lore focusing on the Stalker coming from a Post-TNW perspective

I got really excited because Rebb used "they" for the Stalker (who I think has always previously been he/himd?)

Jade: the 57th warframe! She's somewhat but not wholly angelic: light is the theme, but there is "choral flavour." Pablo describes her kit as "support and debuffing enemies"

Honestly I think her wings are giving more Peacock

They wanted to include more direct visual inspiration on the Stalker's weapons but they were determined "too edgy" lol. But they're still Stalker-inspired. She has Evensong (Jade!Dread, which I'm especially excited for), Cantare (Jade!Despair, which I hope has better stats than the OG), and Harmony (Jade!Hate)

The Stalker has a Landing Craft Skin called "Terror." Which is very cohesive with the rest of the Stalker aesthetic.

Operation: Belly of the Beast: A clan operation that will launch with Jade Shadows.

There's a new eximus :( the Jade Light Eximus :( "Parvos Granum is up to something" 😨

also Yareli Deluxe is a thing

As an aside, Kaz, freed from the Stug bit, is rocking the Gideon Nav energy 😎

Another helping of QOL:

Adjusting the "rubber" necks of frames: "Warframes aren't prey, they're predators".

Alchemy in the circuit! As an enjoyer of both the alchemy game mode and the circuit (and not a fan of its defense or assassination), this is welcome for me!

Apparently the AI level changes are important for crossplay; "a bouquet of QOL" that will bring a better experience for many.

Medical debt bond drop rates adjusting includes a replacement for the credits reward in bounties. and there was much rejoicing.

Here Comes Pablo's Rant: impending enemy scaling & status effects rework

As with all of Pablo's mechanics overviews, I recommend watching (or reading) this yourself if you want a deeper look. He's always very informative.

"A lot of this may change" off to a great start

Devs are considering adding a damage cap for enemy armor and adjusting the damage resistance function of armor. reasoning: armor strip should be a viable strategy but not an absolute requirement for higher level play.

Status type mechanics will be simplified: type effectiveness bonuses are now going to be by faction instead of by flesh/armor/shield material -> with exceptions:: Kuva Grineer, Amalgam Corpus, Deimos Infested

Buffing some less used status effects: Cold will now fully freeze enemies, which doubles crit bonus Gas will be more visible visually (but mechanically the same) Magnetic…will depend on how the shield rework goes (yay playtesting). Blast "will be blasty." I've been hoping for a Blast buff for AGES so I'm excited to see what we get from that admittedly very vague teaser.

You can tell he knows the fanbase is already going to flame him for even coming close to nerfing viral/heat/slash, because he said several times they are not being altered. We love you Pablo.

Semi-auto weapons are going to have automatic (not needing to re-click) shooting mode, but (similarly with the shield gating rework last year) you'll be able to keep your semiautomatic flavour with a new mod that disables this new functionality in exchange for a big buff. Effectively replacing Shred with another high-damage, high-punch-through mod.

Key art is from Warframe's official devstream overview; stream screenshots are my own.

#warframe #devstream 179 #sera's devstream notes #warframe 1999 #Jade Shadows

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 1 year ago

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Ready To Hope

1200 Words for 1200 Followers #2

A/N: Hi friends! Welcome to the 12-A-Palooza! This event is my way of saying thank you for sticking with me. Your support and kindness toward me and my writing is out of this world and I’m grateful for every last one of you! Rolling right along with the second piece - which is set in the same AU as Every Color Illuminates. This “color soulmates” trope has been really fun to play with, so it might be pretty easy to convince me to write more for them ;)

Warnings: Talk of past relationships, Teresa makes a tiny cameo

Requested by: @alraedesigns - Song: Shake It Out - Character Choice: Marcus Pike (Thank you so much for sending this, Alex! I know you love this sweet cinnamon roll man, so I hope you enjoy the continuation of this AU! 💚)

Summary: When Marcus contacts a renowned Art Gallery in hopes that a Color Ambassador can help him with some details for a case, he’s reminded of the fact that asking for help to see color hasn’t always worked out for him in the past. This time, though, things will be different.

“This might be a shot in the dark, but-” Marcus clamped his phone between his ear and shoulder so that he had both hands free to pay the coffee vendor. Mouthing a ‘thank you’ to the man, he took his beverage, dropping his change in the tip jar. “You don’t have a Graysight CA who can walk me through the exhibit, do you?”

He held his breath and readjusted the phone, gripping it with his right hand. I hope she says y-

“We do.” Michelle, the director of the National Gallery of Art responded. “Actually, our best Color Ambassador sees in Graysight. And you’re in luck, Agent Pike, because she’s here today.”

Marcus released his held breath in a relieved sigh, lips lifting into a smile. Amazing. “That’s great.”

Admitting that he - the regional head of the FBI’s Art Crimes division - needed a CA always gave Marcus a hint of anxiety. It wasn’t because he was embarrassed that he hadn’t found his match yet. It was because he knew that people made assumptions about him based on his position, and that sometimes when they found out that he couldn’t see in color, their assumptions turned to doubt in his ability to do his job. But here was a fellow professional within the art community telling him that the best person for the task at hand was someone just like him.

Clearing his throat, Marcus tilted his left hand, careful not to spill his coffee, so he could read the time on his wristwatch. It was just after 11. No time like the present, right? “Would it be too much trouble to meet with them this morning? I can be there in half an hour.”

“Of course not, Agent, anything we can do to help. There’s a group tour finishing with that section of the Gallery now, but once they’re done I’ll rope off the wing so that you won’t be disturbed while you’re here.”

She excused herself then, telling him that she needed to go speak with the CA who would be guiding him. Marcus thanked her and hung up the phone, sliding it into his jacket pocket. He let out another sigh, this one heftier and more satisfying as it left his lungs.

Finally, a break in this case that goes my way.

Heading away from the coffee cart and toward where his car was parked, he tried to keep the next thought from materializing. He failed.

It’s not just this case that I haven’t caught a break in. It’s been… everything.

Though it had been nearly eight months since he’d left Texas, the way things ended between him and Teresa still stung when he thought about it. The sting was made worse by the fact that if their roles were swapped, she wouldn’t need a CA to assist on the case, because she had matched and had lived with color for years.

Jane had been the one to let the spectrum into her life. It had given Marcus pause at first, when she told him. But Teresa had insisted that it was simply because they were such good friends - that they connected on a level that was purely platonic. Hers hadn’t been one of those sudden, blinding explosions of color that some people experienced, but a steady glow as she got to know the man. That, along with the fact that Jane had been able to see color before meeting Teresa - his match had been his first wife - had been enough to convince Marcus that a serious relationship with her was possible.

Not everyone matched with their partner. He knew that. It didn’t mean a relationship was doomed.

There were other signs though. He frowned as he sipped his coffee. Other things I ignored.

Like the time he asked Teresa to describe the colors of a sunset they watched together . “I don’t know, Marcus.” She looked at him as if he’d asked her to solve a complex mathematical equation instead of helping him to understand the world around him. “It’s orange.”

“Yeah,” he’d said, one arm wrapped around her to bring her closer to his side, his lips landing near her temple. “But what does that mean? What does it make you feel?”

She’d only stared at him, shaking her head. “Warm, I guess? I don’t know, I can’t explain it. Hopefully someday you’ll be able to see for yourself.”

That had been the end of that conversation. Marcus never tried to get her to describe colors to him again. He told himself that he didn’t want to put her on the spot. But if he was being honest, it was because he didn’t want to think about what it meant that she wasn’t even willing to try.

But I can’t think about that right now. I need to… Need to think about this case. And I need to let go of what happened in Texas if I want to have any hope of finding something real.

Reaching his car, he got in and entered the address of the Gallery into his GPS. The automated voice and the gray arrow on the screen helped him concentrate, and before long he was pulling into the visitor parking lot.

Alright, Pike. He took a long swig of his coffee to drain it, setting the empty cup - one that he was told was brown with green stripes but only saw as light gray with darker gray lines - into the holder in the center console. Time to focus.

As promised, Michelle had roped off the Rothko exhibit, a security guard leading him there after Marcus showed the man his badge. As he waited in the room, he walked around and looked closely at the various color-blocked paintings on display - squares and lines and rectangles that all appeared to be in grayscale.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to see these. Really see them.

Before he could get too lost in his fantasy, he heard a pair of footsteps getting closer. Turning, he saw you and began closing the distance.

“Agent Marcus Pike,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out to you with a smile.

You returned the smile and the introduction, fingers wrapping around his hand to bring your palms together. The moment you did, the room erupted in hues he didn’t have names for. The paintings that surrounded him seemed to glow, their colors radiating from the frames to shine directly on you. He sucked in a breath, a rush of emotion coursing through his chest.

I… I can see. It’s her.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of you. Not even to glance around at the heavily saturated works he was there to study.

“Marcus?” Your voice came out as a whisper, and he saw the wonder in your expression, noticed the way that your breath came quickly and unevenly. He noticed the way that he felt relaxed and calm as blue and green shimmered in the corners of his vision and a soft tingle spread along his spine. “I… I don’t think you need me to-”

“No. I do.” He said your name again, smiling around it, letting it roll off his tongue. “I definitely do.”

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list, please feel free to let me know. You can also fill out the form on my Masterlist! :)

Tags: @something-tofightfor @littlemisspascal @mishasminion360 @nyctophiliiiiaaa @alraedesigns @practicalghost @tanzthompson @amb11 @haylzcyon @harriedandharassed @woodlandmouth @swtaura @thescarletfang @trickstersp8 @princessxkenobi @imtryingmybeskar @wildmoonflower @mswarriorbabe80 @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @jedi-in-crocs @hannahkatharinee

#12 a palooza!#1200 followers 1200 words #marcus pike x f!reader #marcus pike x female reader #pedrostories #marcus pike x you #soulmate au #marcus pike the mentalist #marcus pike fic #pedro pascal character #ready to hope

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fountainpenguin · 4 months ago

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"I'll treat you nice; I'll be so kind! Just bring me all the food you find~ And I'll run this dump, 'cuz I'm the smartest here..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 39 - “Wednesday: Squall Hospital”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

Dog's Life is 1 year old today!

Mumbo wakes up in the hospital. Etho pays a visit to ask after a commission… wandering trader style. Also, the phantom hybrids strip down to flaunt their stuff. Get your sparring game on!

Impulse, who modded out of phantom state long ago, watches from the sidelines.

Dog's Life anniversary chapters, Part 1!

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

Brief #trafficshipping (Mumbo reflecting on his divorce with Martyn, which happened 100 years ago but Martyn only found out yesterday)

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Mumbo

Location: Hospital, Southwest New Star, Bottom Floor

🖤 🌕 🖤

He couldn't tell you when he became aware of voices. On some level, they were there the whole time, even with memories playing across his eyes. Some he'd rather forget, full of escorts with diamonds for teeth waiting while his fumbling hands plugged his player file in a foreign server core, his heartbeats tangled, chilly breath on the back of his neck warning him that he only had minutes before he could expect his back thrust against a wall, fangs in his neck… Payment claimed for keeping a lone wandering trader safe another day out in the anarchy world.

Wake up, he warns himself, and dissolves to begging at the memory of his own anxious hands grabbing the shirts of a dozen anivores for support. Wake up. This isn't real. Get out!

Some hands had been a good deal gentler. That didn't always make them perfect. But Impulse had only been rough once. Vee almost too soft. BigB… Well, they didn't say much on the first and last trek they ever took together, even when collapsing into the same guest server and sharing a bed (with Vee, too) after a long, long day. Mumbo distinctly remembers the guy rolling over once, mumbling "Your turn," when the baby allays started fussing for their milk. It's laughable, looking back on it, although Mumbo had griped about it at the time. Hysterical. I can't believe I didn't crack up! BigB's underrated. He should let Grian know; make sure he remembers to appreciate what he has.

And Martyn… Martyn hadn't taken any adventures with him. But he'd roleplayed softly in their bed, letting Mumbo (For once, for once) take the lead.

He's lying on his back. Which isn't usual for him. Shapes and figures blur together. But he hears… words? Sounds like words. This is people-talk. He stirs without cracking open his eyes.

"Let's go," cheers a pleasant, pumped-up voice from somewhere to his right. A masculine voice. Big. Loud. One that's only familiar on the very fringes of his memory, like a frayed tassel on his llamas' blankets that he's always had, but only remembers when he's looking straight at it. Chair legs screech across the floor. Mumbo winces, screwing his eyelids tighter, but the mystery figure isn't one to be put off by silent rejection. "Welcome back to New Star! Boy, am I glad I decided to check in mentally for work today. What's this guy's name again? Oh, right, right. Well, we can cross 'Save patient' off our daily tasks. What's next?"

Oh, goodness… His eyeballs want to yawn. He tries it with his mouth, though it's… less satisfying than it probably would be on a server with actual sleep mechanics. Well, at least my head's no longer clicking. Fading images still dance across his mental comm screen, but they're swirling into smoke the more he shifts around, zoning back into the world. Mumbo blinks his eyes a few times, trying to make them stick. The face of a man with a black, neatly trimmed beard swims into view above him. Maybe a little too close.

"… I know you."

The man's face snaps from pleasant to shocked real fast. He bites one corner of his lip, leaning back in his chair. What? Mumbo's voice feels scratchy in his throat, even unspoken. Before he can get his next words out, the man's addressing another figure in the room somewhere out of sight. "Ohoooh… He knows me, and I had to check his file 4 times before I burned his name into memory. That's about to be real awkward. Hey- You know what? Accidents happen. That's life."

"Yeah, I know you," Mumbo mutters, mostly to himself. He lives across the hall from Martyn and Jimmy. Simmers' Quarter. Seen him around. He sort of hops all over the place. But the name escapes him. Mumbo should care about that. Should he care? A zing of guilt courses up his back at the thought of forgetting his ex-husband's immediate neighbor, but he breathes through his teeth instead of saying so.

… Okay. Take stock. Mm. If he can get his brain to drag itself awake from a sluggish, whimpery state, that is. Mumbo runs his fingers through sticky threads of mussed-up hair. His body doesn't ache, surprisingly enough. Or maybe not surprisingly; double regen is a killer. Well, the exact opposite of a killer. He braces his hand to the mattress, pushing himself to a sitting position. Mumbo brushes his fingers across his mustache. He goes to flip his F5 eyes on, but the shift makes him so dizzy, he pulls back and drops his face in his hands instead.

The bearded man scoots his chair closer to his bedside, all smiles and absentminded apologies. He double pats his chest. Thump-thump. "Hey, I'm James Turner- formerly known as The Sim Supply. Well, not over here… You kind of had to be there. And if anyone tells you I designed Vanillite, they've got the wrong guy. Ask your husband; he'll vouch for me."

"… Uh. Oh, goodness me." If he were in one of Martyn's mangas, he'd have slash lines across his face, flushing up a storm. Mumbo reaches for his hood. No robes. His hands clasp on empty air, so he pulls his blankets into his lap instead, squirming his hands between his legs. "Aha… I should probably come clean about that. Martyn and I aren't, um… sleeping together anymore."

Sleeping doesn't feel as hot and bitter on his tongue as married would. And it's the accurate word, even if it stings. It feels more correct than dating. They'd flirt and play and cuddle, usually with fingers in each other's clothes and hair, until they got all snuggled up and Mumbo (eventually) drifted off to sleep. Martyn left by dawn every morning, all his blond hairs despawned from the bed. Nocturnal phantom code. Warm. Soft. I… needed space. And I was leaving for a trip, and it was never really that serious anyway. Okay, that sounds bad out of context, but-

James' frown burns a scar in the crest of his head. "Uh. Dude? Does Martyn know?"

"It was 100 years ago!" He can hold his head high and proud on that, except he can't. "Did nobody get the memo?" And without a hood to tug over his face, he looks away, just biting the edge of his knuckle and gripping the hospital bedsheets with his hand. Wait. Why am I in hospital? Seriously, that memory just went out the window. Did he get flashbanged? Close range? He touches two fingers to his scalp. Sore…

"… Didn't I see your mouth all over him at the shower house on Friday?"

Ohh, don't remind me… Mumbo fumbles through a couple squeaks, then focuses on the more pertinent question. "Sorry; why am I here, exactly?" And why do I smell bacon?

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

#trafficfic #impulseSV #Mumbo Jumbo #BdoubleO100 #Martyn InTheLittleWood #clock duo #EthosLab #Dog's Life #Fun Fact: I always thought this would be a fun song to do a Life Series animatic for :) But this works too!#Dog's Life art #Dog's Life spoilers #ridspoilers #ridwriting #apparently art #GIFs #animation #AO3 #mcyt

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kindheart525 · 3 months ago

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Some of the Smiling Friends kids are more than friends in this next gen! I wanted to introduce some couples (and a new character) to the Dottieverse, so meet a couple of pairs that will make Glep a grandfather 💚

Giorno and Ell, much like our stars Kip and Dottie, grew up together in the Smiling Friends headquarters daycare and were best friends for as long as they could remember. Ell challenged anyone and everyone to race her, no matter how willing they were, but Giorno was the only one who never said no. In fact, he would sometimes challenge her first. They were both little show-offs which led to something of a rivalry at times, but it was a playful one. As they grew up they became regular workout buddies and cheered each other on in their respective athletic activities. For a time they were also each other’s wingmen until they realized they would prefer to be more than friends. Now they’re in a steady relationship filled with playful teasing and competitiveness, but also lots of genuine affection. Pim, of course, was ecstatic, already planning out a wedding and grandkids when they announced they were dating. One day those dreams will come true when they welcome their own horde of future Olympians and Paralympians!

Gola has a thing for the big boys! She sort of follows her mother’s footsteps in being a gorgeous model who ends up with Just Some Guy when she meets Crawdad, the son of an old Smiling Friends client (Shrimp and Jennifer). Like his father, Crawdad doesn’t seem to get out too much and is a bit of a bumbling gamer, but if you get to know him you’ll find that he’s intelligent beyond his time. He has surprisingly philosophical insights into just about anything from video game lore to life itself, though he would downplay it as “that’s just my take on it!” However, his master’s degrees in philosophy and literature that he hardly talks about prove he’s not just talking out of his ass. In this way he contrasts his love Gola, who can be kind of stupid and incompetent, but it does take a certain level of social intelligence to rage-bait strangers on the internet like she does, so maybe she’s smarter than one would think as well. Nobody is really sure how these completely different individuals crossed paths, but they adore each other to bits. Gola calls him Crawdaddy now, but one day he’ll be a different kind of Crawdaddy when they decide to grow their family.

#KindsArt #dottieverse #smiling friends #ell pimling #giorno simpson #gola simpson #crawdad crustacean #smiling friends oc

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nicoline1998enilocin · 10 months ago

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Sweet & Spicy Bingo ~ Sweethearts | Masterlist

Hi, and welcome to the Masterlist of my Sweet & Spicy Bingo (Sweethearts), hosted by @sweetspicybingo! 💚

On this Masterlist, you’ll find all the prompts I filled along the way, and they will combine angst, fluff, and smut. Each one-shot will have its own appropriate warnings when necessary.

If you’d like to check out my other works, you can find them on my Main Masterlist. I hope you’ll enjoy all the works I’ve created in anticipation of the Sweet & Spicy Bingo (Sweethearts)! 💚

I do not work with a taglist. If you want to be kept up to date when I post new fanfics, you can follow @nicoline1998enilocin-library 💚

Banners: Yours truly | Divider: @firefly-graphics

| 🥀 ~ Angst | 💚 ~ Fluff | 🔥 ~ Smut |

Sweet as pie | 💚 🔥 | RANSOM DRYSDALE Prompt | TIE ME UP You're treating your husband, Ransom, to a beautiful and romantic dinner for your anniversary, but he doesn't know that he is the dessert you've been thinking of all week. You can't wait to sink your teeth into him and tasing every last bit he has to offer you.

Love is in the air | Part 1 | 💚 🔥 | ROBERT DOWNEY JR. (RPF) Prompt | SWEET PEAValentine's Day has been incredible since you met Robert, but this time, he plans on making it extra special because this will be the last one where it is just the two of you. From breakfast in bed to a fancy dinner cooked by a private chef and a calming bubble bath, he is pulling out all the stops to make this a very romantic and relaxing day for you both.

Can't take my eyes off you | 🔥 | STUCKY X FEM!READER Prompt | PROUD OF U Steve and Bucky were busy with work, so you keep yourself company with one of your favorite toys. When they walk in on you playing with yourself, they can't help but join in and have some fun by themselves as well.

Bare it all | 💚 🔥 | TONY STARK Prompt | TALK DIRTY You're on an undercover mission with Tony, and you two have the entire night to yourselves. When you two end up in bed together, you're looking to spice things up a little, much to Tony's surprise. When he finds out your plan, he can't help but fall even more in love with you, and he's afraid to tell you exactly that.

Angel | 💚 🔥 | SEBASTIAN STAN (RPF) Prompt | TAKE MY HAND Dating Sebastian is a dream come true, and you want to take your relationship to the next level officially. As you're on a beautiful vacation in Hawaii with your boyfriend, you decide to give yourself to him entirely, catching him by surprise. What you don't know, however, is that he has a surprise for you, too, making it officially a vacation never to forget.

Boudoir photoshoot | 💚 🔥 | YOUNG!TONY STARK Prompt | PERFECT Your wedding anniversary with Tony is coming up, and because of that, you venture out and make a special present for him. After some searching, you decide to go for a boudoir photoshoot, which will make a perfect maternity shoot. When Tony opens the present, he can't believe his eyes, and the two of you never leave the house on the night of your anniversary.

Baby fever | 💚 🔥 | YOUNG!TONY STARK Prompt | NICE ASS You and Tony have three beautiful children, but since your youngest son is growing up faster than either of you would like, Tony's baby fever is kicking into high gear. He can't get enough of seeing you pregnant, and he's making it his goal to have it happen again. There's enough room in the house for one more, after all.

Warm welcome | 💚 🔥 | TONY STARK Prompt | HONEY BUN It promises to be a beautiful night at home with your cat and a rom-com playing on the television when you're surprised by your fiancé, Tony. What was supposed to be a three-week mission turned into a two-week one and a surprise welcome, which you're very grateful for.

Listen | 🥀 🔥 | STEVE ROGERS Prompt | MY BED, NOW Working together with your ex is already difficult enough, but the fact that you're sleeping in the bedroom next to him isn't much better. Since the two of you have broken up, Steve has brought home many women, and you are starting to lose sleep because they keep making too much noise. When you try to get Steve to stop, the conversation takes an unexpected turn, and you end up in his bed again.

#sweetspicyhearts #masterlist

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kajibunny · 5 months ago

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Helloooo, it’s really cool to see a new writing blog here!! I always get excited about scenarios/hc, especially when I have hyperfocus. Can I request Furin (Suo, Ume, Sakura, Kaji) + Togame reacting to the reader (gn or fem) looking at them intensely and they ask what the reader is looking at and the reader says "I'm admiring my future husband" (I'll leave it up to you whether this will be in front of others or when they are alone). The reader says it more as a joke (or not?) to see their reaction (although it doesn't sound like a joke)... Just established relationship, they already have a good level of intimacy. I hope this isn't confusing... Stay hydrated and stay well 💚

•⊹💌₊˚✩dear future husband ₊˚⊹♡ w/ the wind breaker boys

✿ featuring: haruka sakura, hayato suo, ren kaji, hajime umemiya, jo togame ✿ fluff, f!reader (mentions of being called their 'wife') ✿ a/n: hi cutie~ @kuppuru thank you for this wonderful request and for the warm welcome ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ had so much fun making this, made myself laugh a couple times while writing these silly wb boys aaaa i wanna bite them!! hope you like it! ✿ wc: 1.4k

— you place your hand under your chin, posing all cute and dreamy-eyed, admiring your sweet, handsome boyfriend. when he catches you staring, he asks you why, and you tell him “oh, i’m just admiring my future husband.”

ʚɞ sakura -

“h-husband?! y-you want t-to get married to me!?” his face heats up instantaneously, and you could have sworn you saw a little steam coming out of the top of his head.

“whenever you react all cute like that, i kinda do!" you exclaim, happily smiling at his crazy and very red reaction.

his imagination goes wild, and a bunch of different scenarios of what sakura pictured married life with you was like began entering his brain without his consent.

“sakura…?” he imagines you in a wedding dress holding a huge bouquet, walking down the aisle towards him, all prim and proper.

“sakura?” he imagines you two kissing as newlyweds in front of all bofurin members (umemiya is of course bawling his eyes out and yes, even his sworn “frenemy” sugishita was there as one of his groomsmen) on your wedding day.

“sakura.” he imagines coming home to you after a long day, you welcoming him back with home cooked omurice, wearing a cute little apron, and warmly embracing him as you ask how his day went.

“sakura!” he imagines going on a honeymoon with you, you two on the bed, your cute voice calling out his name, your fleeting touch caressing him all over -

all over. it was all over, sakura has blacked out. you poke his cheek multiple times, and still nothing.

“guys, sakura has crashed. error 404 unresponsive page.” you called out to suo and nirei, who were observing the whole thing, how sakura gets redder and redder every time you called out his name, and the both of them have probably figured out more or less why he was reacting that way.

“maybe that’s his way of saying, “till death do us part.” suo remarks, and you couldn’t stop giggling.

ʚɞ suo -

he tilts his head and chuckles. a little “oh?” escaping from his mouth. he was certainly curious on what made you decide that you wanted him as your “future husband” or you so claim. it was usually him that pulled some smooth talk like this, so he was surprised that you suddenly became so – bold.

you were so cute if you thought this would fluster him.

it made him determined to retaliate and play along with your moves, as he found you ever so amusing as always. “my, my, how mature of you. already ready to take the next step?” suo teases. “i’ll be waiting, then.” he smiles. it was your turn to be flustered. you were at a loss for words, as you expected him to be a little playful, but not this much.

“cat got your tongue?” he leans in closer, and his lips capture yours in a chaste kiss. he repeats this at least three times. you tried to lean in for a more passionate one, but suo raises a finger and touches your lips. “no fair, hayato. what are these baby kisses you’re giving me?” you pout. suo looks at you affectionately. “let’s save the mature kisses for when i become your future husband, hm?”

these kind of one-liners were his specialty. his forte. and you were in his territory, so of course suo, the competitive little devil that he is, wastes no time to put you in your place.

ʚɞ kaji -

he looks at you for a moment, as if in deep thought. kaji finally stands and says: “im leaving.”

you worry that you might have tested his patience for some reason, as you have been trying out some pick up lines on him nonstop since this morning. he was used to your antics, so he either ignored you or waved you off but this was the only time he actually responded.

kaji looks back at you, as if waiting for you to stand up and follow him. “are you coming with me or not?” he extends his hand in invitation, motioning for you to take it.

“where?” you were so confused. kaji clicks his tongue, reaching out and grabbing your hand.

“to go buy you a ring.” he says, as if it were the most obvious thing.

you hold your hand up in protest. “wait, what?! i said future, ren, future! and i was joking!” he pretends to have heard nothing, putting on his headphones to tune you out and does not at all pay attention to your explanation. you couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, but ren kaji was always full of surprises, using metaphors to get his point across, so you just waited to see what he would do.

he drags you off to the convenience store, told you to wait outside, comes back out with a small paper bag. reaching into it, he opens his hand and unveils a wrapped candy.

a ring pop.

he puts the ring pop on you, and you admire how the oversized candy diamond looks on your ring finger, almost sparkling in the sunlight. “i’ll get you a real ring in the future, but for now, this will do.”

you jump up and hug him. he buries his head in your shoulder, trying to hide his small smile.

you couldn’t stop gushing at how lucky you were and how ren kaji is as sweet as the ring pop he “proposed” to you with.

ʚɞ umemiya -

you don’t think you’ve ever seen umemiya smile this big at the mention of the word “husband”. his blue eyes all sparkling and lit up.

the thought of you wanting to marry him in the future or even mentioning it made him so excited, he considers the townspeople and members of bofurin as his family, but of course, you were different. you two already do lots of domestic things together, like helping him tend to his garden, cooking together (you even knew the recipe for his special umemiya soup), tucking him into bed whenever he falls asleep with his glasses on and a book on his face, and of course very intimate things that are only shared between the two of you. you’ve seen many sides of umemiya, but this one is definitely a first.

“oh, baby, the thought of that would make me so happy! i have so many siblings, and now i will have a wife too! now all that’s left is children! i wouldn’t want them to get lonely, so how’s ten?” he picks you up and spins you around, then hugs you tightly.

“you’re not even my husband yet, and now you want to be a father?!” you giggle, peppering his adorable face with kisses.

ʚɞ togame -

he does not utter a word, but togame stares back at you with the same intensity, his bright green eyes making it difficult to look away. it’s as if he has captured you with his soft gaze.

he mimics your position, his chin also resting on his palm. the two of you now looked like you were having a staring contest, but much closer and much more intimate.

you blink. “hello? why are you looking at me like that, jo?” you ask him, a perplexed look on your face, waving your hand in front of his face.

“don’t mind me, i’m just admiring my future wife.” he remarks. “and how beautiful she is going to look on our wedding day.” he smiles, almost slyly. he was being so charming lately, always praising you and telling you how much he’s so grateful to be yours.

you were almost tempted to be the one to get down on one knee and propose to jo togame and ask him to be your husband right there and then.

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growwithmeastrology · 2 years ago

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Sunday, April 30th 2023

Sun in Taurus ♉️🌎, Moon in Virgo ♍️🌎

The day has a grounded and stable feel to it. A nice welcome in the middle of eclipse season.

The Virgo Moon will trine the Sun in Taurus as well as retrograde Mercury in Taurus. This is a good time to go back and rethink or revisit things you are doing or working on to see if there’s any way to improve them. It’s also a great day to be productive. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean your job, but anything tangible like gardening or even a good spring cleaning.

With the Sun and retrograde Mercury conjunct in Taurus there may be some impatience with wanting to move forward with plans or goals but it’s best to take this time to get your ducks in a row and organize than to act impulsively. Plans get delayed. It happens. Remember that all things started in retrograde period require a thorough look-see to make sure all is in order. Things typically change or you will feel differently after retrograde is over. That also goes for relationships or collaborations. I’ve been hearing a lot of people say they have new communication from someone in their past. Entertain it lightly if you welcome it but nostalgia is in the air for many. Make sure it’s really a can of worms you want to reopen.

Use the grounded and practical feel of Taurus and Virgo to keep a level head today if anything has become a little haywire lately. We have eclipse energy rolling in next week and a Full Moon in Scorpio. The energies will get more tense before they release. ☮️💚✨

��: Fernanda Meier Photography. Check out her work at FernandaMeier.com

Learn more about your personal energies and how the daily forecast affects you! Comment below⬇️ or DM me for a FREE consultation.

Grow With Me Astrology provides astrological roadmaps that empowers people to take full control of their lives.

Let me reveal to you the most powerful tool you already possess.

If you’d like to support or donate:

🅿️ PayPal @KameyBatizWilson, Venmo @KameyBatiz or CashApp $NaliniFlor

#astrology #loveyourself #bethechange #healing #dailyhoroscope #selfcare #love #zodiac #sun #venusingemini #sunintaurus #plutoinaquarius #eclipseseason #saturninpisces #taurus #mercuryretrograde #leo #virgo

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vinylstitch · 1 year ago

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this reminds me of him ^_^

#welcome to the next level! 💚

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nevergeneralize · 2 years ago

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Hi! This might seem a strange question but: what is so saddening about the twitter thing. To be honest in my country twitter never really became a thing so I mostly observed sometimes what happened there. But to me it didn't really seemed like a useful thing, or to be honest a safe thing. I heard that many got censored there or were doxxed for saying the not correct thing. So my question: why is it now saddening? Sorry for my english. I really like your yuumori posts! Thank you!

Hi! Not a strange question! It’s actually one that I have been giving a lot of thought to, because your negative impression from the outside is also true in some ways. (Standard disclaimer that since the platform is so big and the user base is diverse, I imagine there are many many different perspectives on / experiences of Twitter, so mine is particular and likely not very representative etc etc.) This turned out so so long I’m sorry if this is way more than you asked for! Also thank you for asking and I’m very glad you enjoy my yuumori posts that’s super nice to hear!! 💚 (also no need to apologize for your English you were quite clear!)

I’ve spent most of my time on Twitter specifically in fandom spaces, and I think it is/was a good platform for having certain kinds of interactions/experiences in those spaces, so I will miss it for that. ALSO I think it’s such a big, popular platform (and one of the few to allow/host NSFW!) that it’s just absorbed a lot of creators which might otherwise be elsewhere; maybe it will be good and healthy to find artists and writers and friends on different platforms, but maybe the (re)atomization will feel scattered and I will engage less due to inconvenience and that will be a genuine loss. Hard to say!

Things I do/did on Twitter that I might miss doing specifically on Twitter or at least have to adjust habits:

1. Browsing art and writing! I used Twitter Lists to curate my experience fairly well, and had found many wonderful accounts to follow. Obviously that’s available here, too, though I do worry specifically that many artists I follow on twitter who post adult content will have a hard time finding new spaces and I will miss them. Honestly the tagging system and the format of image posts on tumblr is just a straight up improvement to this experience but not all the artists/writers I love to see are here! Hopefully they will be somewhere!

2. Posting art and thoughts! Again I think tumblr is just as good if not better for this at a structural level BUT I do find myself often feeling like I need to meet a certain standard of quality before I want to post something; on the art side there’s much less of a culture of posting WIPs here, in my experience, so I usually only post finished art when a lot of what I produce is just neat little sketchies. I don’t Need to post all things I create or am in the midst of creating but I do love seeing other people’s half-baked sketches and casual underdeveloped ideas and artistic processes and it is sometimes fun to post more of mine, which I have generally felt more welcome to do on twitter. And similarly on the writing side I feel like having One Good Joke or a cute hot take about a thing I’m watching/reading/thinking about is exactly what twitter is in the market for, and I come here mostly when I have an entire essay in my heart yearning to be free. Can I adjust that attitude? Yes! I can liveblog the next anime I watch or the Grand Prix series or my [redacted]th rewatch of Yuumori, people definitely do post in that format here and also who cares! It’s easier to feel freer to have a half-finished and conversational thought rather than a Fully Developed Thesis on twitter but it’s not the only place for that, so I will adjust!

3. Discovering specific things!

3a. Zines! A good network of zine promotion had built up on twitter at least in the fandoms I was in. I don’t (yet) see that on tumblr but maybe it is or will be here, I don’t see why it couldn’t be. Same deal for ship weeks and big bangs and other fandom events but I do see more of those cross over to or be hosted on tumblr so maybe the zine universe will move. Improvise adapt overcome

3b. Merch! Similarly I am more often led to Things To Purchase on twitter than from anywhere else on social media, which maybe should go in the negatives column but I really like financially supporting fandom artists, small makers, etc and I am fortunate to have the capacity to do so! People that I follow there often find and boost delightful art sales, commissions, merch, apparel from small makers, etc, and this adds to my life; weirdly I am markedly more fashionable since spending more time on fandom-twitter the last few years. [[Side note seriously everybody my best life advice is to wear more anime merch or whatever it is that delights you, people who know what it is get a shock of joy and recognition seeing you in the world and people who don’t know what it is still like to say “wow cool design what is it” and having either of those interactions available to happen in my day causes more positive interactions with strangers and thus probably a very slightly kinder outlook on humanity. I’m so serious about this, choosing Weird and Particular/Personal Fashion is good for you and you will feel 1-3% more connected to your fellow human beings]] As with zines I don’t really know why that’s not also here on tumblr from a structural platform feature perspective but it has not been, in my experience, so I think it’s just a platform culture thing? If we’re mutuals know that I would love to see your and your friends’ merch/prints/commission openings appear on my dash, I’m an easy mark, a real rube

4. Social or parasocial relationships with actual human beings! This one is probably its own real long post so I won’t go too deep but I have found a specific model of distant but warm internet friendship available via the model of: actually type out my excited/complimentary internal response to a piece of creative work or contribute to a conversation about a fandom thing, repeat many times, also post my art or my media opinions with no one particular in mind, begin to recognize people who engage with me often, begin to value and take interest in that specific person’s opinions, form a model of them as a person and include them in my social brain/universe (having thoughts like “what would X think about this” / “X would really like this” / “I look forward to hearing from X” / “I hope X is doing well” / etc). I think twitter specifically contributes to a super low barrier to entry on actually responding to things; I sometimes find myself consuming tumblr like it’s an rss feed of Very Important And Thoughtful Bloggers who I could never be as interesting/funny/insightful as, and it’s just… not as easy to fall into that mindset and build up a wall of unapproachability on twitter, maybe because everything feels sort of ephemeral anyway? So I worry there will be something lost, there, but I’m trying to maintain the idea that talking to other people online (with kindness and consideration obviously) is mutually beneficial (everyone is constantly asking for more interaction, right??) and that I have the right to respond to things. This is also something I have a hard time doing on chat servers, which I have a much more tumultuous relationship to: I usually join, chat for a while, read and wish I were participating, feel embarrassed about dropping in and out, feel embarrassed about inserting myself into what feel more like personal conversations between people I always imagine to already be closer friends with each other than I ever will be, eventually stop engaging at all due to a weird and specific FOMO guilt. And twitter by contrast makes available an extremely easy model of maintaining casual connections based on mutual interest. Where a chat server or forum feels like a party at which I must enter or leave particular conversations, twitter interaction is more like seeing the same person over and over again at the game shop / coffee shop / ice rink and giving them a friendly nod or saying “hey rad sweater” or “how’s the novel going” or “wow your [specific skating move] looks really good!” I find this type of mutually-low-demand social “ping” to be really pleasant, personally, and it’s nice to have that available online and in fandom. (Again, lots of thoughts left to unpack on this topic. It’s also maybe less relevant than it has been the past few years after the return to physical spaces and the “social ping” being available offline again, but oh boy did I truly need this in the depths of the pandemic, and twitter was generally pretty good for it!)

Things that make me actually feel a sense of relief that this garbage fire platform is dying and we are all free at last:

1. The danger of doxxing and/or getting threatened! Real and true! I could post a Whole Thing about cancel culture and fancop behavior and ship wars or whatever and I will refrain here but my god, I worried about Thought Crimes constantly on Twitter, to the degree that I stopped really posting to the platform months ago. I was directly(ish) threatened with doxxing as a member of an AO3 committee during the email attacks earlier this year, so that made me extra vigilant, and I witnessed several instances of people getting harassed or threatened or otherwise yelled off the platform during my few years of fandom there. And the consistent visibility of conversations about fandom (and broader) politics promotes a low-grade paranoia about the whole thing at all times so I just thought about it constantly forever! Unsurprisingly this pervasive dulling toxic sludge of social hypervigilance feels real bad for the brain! Especially having chosen to be there and to spend my free time and energy in the fandom community.

2. The constant intrusion of content topics that I at best do not care about and at worst actively do not want to see! As much as I praised the Lists curation above, this is imperfect and twitter honestly has very few robust tools for filtering things, so I just scroll past a bunch of stuff that is at best tangential to my interests. And even beyond The Algorithm I think also there’s a sort of platform culture about needing to engage in Big Topics which means that specifically the worst most “engaging”/contentious political topics break through on a repeating basis, and every twitter session was always at risk of ending in exhaustion and hopelessness. Also not great for the brain!

I mentioned to an IRL friend that I was worrying a little bit about where to take my fandom activities and he said “I don’t know why everyone doesn’t use Reddit, it’s so much better for that,” and I thought “what a bonkers opinion to have” (I said out loud “Well your mind is very different from mine and I treasure your friendship for that. Also that’s a bonkers opinion to have.”). Every platform has a culture that grows organically from its available features/mechanics of social interaction and from its particular history, and I will mourn the specificity of twitter if it really dies, even though I have/had a very complicated and not wholly positive relationship to it. It’s something like losing a job or graduating from school, on a smaller scale: I may have hated it there sometimes and I might have had complicated feelings even about the existence of the institution itself, but the shape of my life and the way I spend my time will change due to this thing being over, and I think change itself may sometimes be cause for a feeling that is very like grief.

#asks #thank you for the ask <3 #i enjoyed writing this #apologies to anyone to enjoys Reddit fandom for the dig at Reddit fandom i just do not understand the culture there #but that’s a whole different post #and my point is merely that platform cultures are specific and may or may not be a good match for individual taste

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alreadyblondenow · 2 years ago

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NCT 127 THE LINK TOUR IN MANILA

It was one heck of a night!!! They loved Manila so much. If you guys have Twitter, you can check fancams there and you’ll see that they enjoyed the show as much as we did.

Finally got the chance to be part of the green ocean 😭💚

We Filozens were constant with our cheers and there was never a dull moment. We tried doing fan chants, but we always end up singing with them hahahaha the concert here in Manila was so funny, all the boys had funny moments and touching ones 😭 gosh if only I can upload videos 😭 I also met with a fellow writer before the concert starts! It’s so good to finally meet her.

But of course…. I finally saw Taeyong. GUYS. I FINALLY SAW THEM ALL.

Taeyong is sooooo HANDSOME I CANNOT EXPLAIN MORE FURTHER. I can finally say that he is real…. HE IS FUCKING REAL. We even heard his unique laugh because the translator made him laugh. Also my jaw dropped during Moonlight. He said in his ending ment that he didn’t want to go home :(((

Taeil is HOTTER IN PERSON AND HIS VOICE IS SURREAL. Oh gosh, I’m so happy to hear his iconic high notes in person, but most of all I am happy to see him before he enlists.

Yuta is a great performer. I SWEAR TO THE G, I CRIED DURING BUTTERFLY!!! Also he was so energetic the whole night. He gave me mixed emotions actually.

Johnny was so funny HAHAHA he was so hyped the whole night and was wondering why didn’t they had concerts here before. He said they will still hear us even on their way home because we were so loud! NOT TO MENTION HE WAS SO HOT DURING HIS SOLO STAGE.

Jaehyun’s voice is beautiful. I can’t explain it too. he removed his in ear during Lost because he heard us sing and he was flattered. He even posted photos from manila on his instagram!!!

Haechan… is different in person. Y’all are not ready. The pictures you see in the internet is so different, he’s really really really handsome!!! Plus his performance level is GRRRR SO GREAT LIVE!!!

Jungwoo’s visual is so surreal, his solo stage made the arena go wild. Also his voice too is so angelic :((( of course he made us laugh during his welcoming ment. I saw a slowmo fancam of him dancing while confettis come down :((( its so beautiful!!!

Mark said we all must have a lot storage in our phones HAHAHAHHA WE ALL LAUGHED HE NOTICED THA. He also said “Manila just wait…. Sexy” then made the whole arena crazy.

Doyoung was so handsome and has broad shoulders talaga!!! He was also surprise that we are so loud he even bbled about it hahaha

You can ask me questions about the stages or whatever. Filozens are still on high about the concert, we all CANNOT FUNCTION WELL THE DAY AFTER

At the end of the night, I finally have a photo with nct 127 🫶🏻🥹💚

Next year NCT Dream will have a concert here in Manila 💚💚💚💚💚

#nct #nct 127 #taeyong #mark #haechan #taeil #yuta #doyoung #johnny #jungwoo #Jaehyun

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finniestoncrane · 2 years ago

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Riddle-Her (Dano!Riddler x Reader)

I finally finished the first fic I started writing after 10 years of being out of fandoms 💚

It's 13 chapters of unhinged lusting after the Riddler from the perspective of Reader/OC who is just as unhinged as he is, and develops a crush on the soft lad.

I will not be fielding comments on how I thought this dumb joke was a good title.

The whole thing is now complete and on AO3 here, but I'll add the first chapter underneath again.

warnings/tags on AO3, minors DNI, reader is AFAB, she/her pronouns

It’s not physically impossible to sleep peacefully in Gotham, but it takes a lot of practice to get used to it. You’ve lived there your whole life though, albeit maybe in a slightly nicer area, way before. When your dad was still around and you still spoke to your mom. Before you’d broken contact and moved into the dank, wet, inner-city. Still, even that was around about seven years ago. Seven years of sirens, screaming, shouting, and strangely enough you could even hear audible punches landing from your window, even through the near constant pattering of the rain. And sometimes that was exciting.

That’s what the attraction to the step-above-homeless apartment was (plus the low rent). It’s not that you yourself were violent, but there was something in the violence that was thrilling. Your adrenaline pumped as you walked home, under the bridges and past unbelievably dark alleys. It wasn’t the usual feeling of uneasiness that accompanied being a woman alone at night. They were feelings that should be explored with a psychiatrist, or an understanding and adventurous partner. Unfortunately, you had neither the money for a shrink nor the social skills for a man. It was bedsit, open windows, and silently masturbating as you listening to the ongoing orchestra of police cars and burglar alarms, accompanied by a heavenly choir of screaming angels. It was perfect, so perfect in fact that you’d started to get annoyed, and a little bit worried, about this dumb Batman figure, floating around and “stopping crime”. Yeah, you could find any level of depravity you were looking for online, but then that would be admitting that you were into it. And that might be a step too far for your obsessive mind to walk back from. And here came the caped crusader to clean up the grotty city you knew and loved. Ruining the passivity of your pleasure.

It was around eleven at night, and usually this was the peak time for street fights that poured out from the seedy bars and clubs that surrounded the apartment building. It was eerily silent, however.

“He’s already made a difference!” you hissed in your mind, sighing out loud to your empty apartment, unless the rats that lived in the walls could hear you. In a bit of a mood now, you lazily grabbed your laptop from the floor next to your unmade single bed with one hand, chucking it onto your stomach. After checking several of the neighbourhood watch groups you’d joined to get a sniff of any action, you realised it was indeed a rare quiet night. A newsletter from some wannabe masked vigilante you subscribed to caught your attention as you listlessly scrolled your emails looking for a morsel of entertainment.

These emails always came from one guy, you assumed guy because some of the things that were said and that went un-checked about women were enough to tell you that you might not have been as welcome had your online alter not been purposefully skewed to read “male”. At first it had been a harmless newsletter about how shitty it was to live in Gotham, and how they needed someone to come make it better. Then he, and the very few followers that were active in those days, started focusing on how to make the city worse. A few weeks after that, they moved to a more ‘secure’ platform, and you needed a password. As a long time follower, you were given it by default. It was kind of scary, to let yourself get pulled in by these people. But you were a silent observer.

To begin with, they had organised graffiti campaigns. And then it sort of stopped there. They didn’t quite have the mettle to get involved in the gangs, the initiation rites were too much for them. And this pathetic dude who ran the newsletter was no great leader. It kind of fell apart, until it was just a few long-term readers who stuck around to get the latest news on the “anarchy” in Gotham. If anything, you had stayed subscribed out of habit, and maybe, partly, with the hopes that things might pick up again. But you could tell from the tone of the last couple of newsletters, infrequent as they were now, that Batman had left a scar on the writer.

This one though seemed pretty…upbeat?

NEWSLETTER: You guys should check out this stream!!

There was a link, instructions and a password, plus a screenshot of a website asking a puzzle question with the answer filled in. The guy who wrote the newsletter really thought everyone else was too stupid to figure that one out.

Unsure if it was the lack of information in the email, or morbid curiosity, you hovered over the enter key and pressed it anyway. Was it going to be a joke? Kittens frolicking in a field or something? Or was it going to be some horrible, possibly real, livestream of some poor woman being tortured in a dark room.

Disappointment, either way. You didn’t want to be scared, but you didn’t want to leave without a thrill. And instead, you were greeted by an empty room, a chat log on the side looked fairly barren. A message or two from about 5 minutes ago had come up. You recognised one of the usernames, it was similar to the one that the newsletter writer had used in the public days of his forum.

“Excited for you to get started tonight!!”

A few more usernames began to appear and the total count seemed to settle around 20 people, with a few dropping out and a few coming in consistently, a trend that would continue throughout. The clock at the bottom of the screen read 11:28. Your heart skipped a little in anticipation. Maybe something horrible was about to happen. What was about to start? Who was going to start? What had happened previously?

The sound of a door opening was the first noise that came out of your speakers, and was the first noise that had been made inside your apartment since you had sighed. It gave you a small shock. The waiting was almost over. Footsteps, heavy boots from the sound of them, grew ever so slightly louder as they approached the camera. The screen went black as the shitty webcam attempted to balance itself. Black, then a brief flash of white, then a deep, olive green. It took a second to register what was in the field of vision, but you were quick to recognise that the field of vision was encompassed by a jacket. Waterproof. A little army-esque. Hopefully this wasn’t going to be some neo-nazi, a militant fascist on a rant. What a huge waste of time, and a definite mood killer. The figure turned to the side and a flash of white on his coat was visible as he rotated to face behind him, fiddling with something on the wall at his back. It looked like some squiggles, like some paint had been spilled.

Heavy breathing echoed in the almost barren studio apartment as the figure leant across behind the camera. It sounded off, like it was muffled by something. Your heart was beating fast. You had managed to avoid seeing anything too horrendous on your escapades into the darker side of what the internet had to offer. At one point, you had considered reporting a video you had come across in the comments of a forum discussing the issue of stalking in Gotham, but it was quickly revealed to be a hoax. Still, the thought that you could be seconds away from seeing something to awful that you might be considered a witness, something you might not be able to come back from, it had you gently moving the mouse towards the exit button.

As you neared it, the figure on the screen sat down. You gasped sharply.

A mask, glasses, the light reflecting off of…was that saran wrap? An olive green hoodie, with no strings for the hood. Leather gloves, reaching to adjust the glasses. And deep, wide, green eyes. The greenest eyes.

Your eyes were going wider as you stared into his. Everything melted away for a second. The chat log, the other users, the sirens, the rats, the crushing sense of isolation that you were so good at pretending you didn’t feel. All of it. It felt like he was looking into your soul, directly at you. Although, there was a screen in the way. But it didn’t feel like that. It was strange, confusing, and your heart just kept beating harder and harder until it hurt. There was something about those eyes, and whoever was behind them, you were hanging on their every word. And they hadn’t even spoken yet.

“Hello, thank you for joining me tonight!”

Deep, but it didn’t sound natural. There was some element of voice modulation for sure. But it was still strangely arousing.

The next twenty minutes were a blur. It would be a miracle if you could even remember your own name, let alone the specifics of anything he said. Heart thumping, eyelashes fluttering for a screen that couldn’t appreciate it, you were smitten. By a mask and some glasses. And the greenest eyes. The dreamiest eyes.

It had been three weeks since you first saw the stream. It had become easier to focus on his words when you thought about what his lips looked like as he formed the words. To think how he formed the sounds. To know if he spat when he shouted, and he shouted a lot. I wonder if he’d shout at you. If you asked nicely enough?

Thoughts like that kept popping into your head as you watched him rant and rave about the injustices in Gotham, about the lies, the liars, those who protect the lies, and the liars. As he pointed dramatically to the newspaper scraps pinned and taped to his walls. There was a frantic energy that was so intriguing, and exciting. And, to your absolute delight, there was that lingering threat of danger. He seemed so angry, so…unhinged.

Perfect.

You caught yourself holding your head dreamily in your hands, like a teenager desperately in love. Was that what this was? Love? Or lust? Or both? Either way, you would be absolute putty in his leather clad hands if you were ever face to face with him.

Your heart sank a bit at that thought.

He seemed like he had all of the potential to be big, bad and scary. The ‘boogeyman’. But, you knew it in your heart. You’d spent a lot of time around these people on the internet. You’d seen them get angry, rage, build up to what could have been earth shattering violence and then fall flat. Which, and you felt like you had to clarify this even to yourself in your own mind, you were very, VERY grateful for. It would be borderline psychopathy to wish that one of these ineffectual, women-hating, man-children would ever be able to grow up and do something instead of just bitching about it online. But the part of you that craved danger was intrigued by the capacity for violence. And, as much as you were drawn in by his words, his almost socialist mantras, how easy it was to believe him that, much like a French peasant, a revolt within the proletariat against the lies and corruption of the rich was not only the answer, but was already in motion, you just couldn’t get past the fact that he was online, in a dark and messy room, talking to what was for all intents and purposes himself.

What you wanted was for him to be the fearless leader. Maybe he would lead the charge in a riot in Gotham, his followers behind him, dressed in his uniform. Spreading his word like gospel, searching out Gotham’s elite, the upper classes, those who protect and serve themselves and their business interests. And after a night of shocking the city, the world, he’d come home to you. Tired, and sweating, and peel off the mask, the clingfilm, readjust his glasses and pull you into him. Whisper to you…

“What’s mine, but only you can hold it?”

Huh.

Even though you were alone in your room, you still shivered in slight disgust at yourself, making a fake gagging noise to really chastise yourself. Was this really what you had become? Some lovesick fool, imagining a romantic scenario with a man who, and let’s all be honest here, had likely never said more than five words to a woman, let alone pulled one into a warm embrace and whispered, so eloquently, a romantic riddle.

It had been about a week or so into the streams when he’d identified himself as Riddler, and at first, it was incredibly dorky, making you almost cringe when he said it, or when the others in the chat called him by that name. And then it grew on you, and you imagined him asking you to say it while he was on you, around you, in you. Heavy breathing, mask on, muffled and desperate pleas for you to treat him like he thought he should be treated. And after that point, it became your favourite word. You waited, with baited breath for the next time you could answer one of the riddles he posed to everyone for fun. His eyes lit up as the chat started filling with answers, some wrong, some right. It seemed he was excited either way, eyes glittering in bright emerald just at the thought of people paying attention to him, listening to him, doing as he asked even if it was something as simple as solving his silly little puzzles.

You’d never dared to answer one yet, not to the chat at least. But you usually got them right and felt smug, letting yourself imagine him being surprised of you, or proud of you, or rewarding you with a little kiss on your forehead but that’s not him but it could be but it’s not but you want it to be and-

The train of thought was proving too much, and your heart physically ached. It was stupid to let yourself develop a crush on a man you’d never even seen, either in full or in reality. He barely said anything beyond riddles and threats, and when he did talk about something else it was usually about Batman of all things. The crushing disappointment, the Schrödinger like problem you’d created for yourself. Either he wasn’t what you thought he was, or he was and you couldn’t have him. Or maybe he wouldn’t have you. It was a painful obsession and it was already too far gone to stop. Whether you knew it and were in denial, or were blissfully unaware, he’d tipped you over the edge.

His heart. That was his, and only you could hold it.

#dano riddler #dano!riddler #riddler x reader #riddler fanfic #the riddler fanfic #the riddler fanfiction #riddler fanfiction #riddler 2022 #edward nashton x reader #the batman 2022 #the batman 2022 fic #finnie writes #q

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tswaney17 · 3 years ago

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I Do Bad Things with You - Part 29

This part came out a little bit longer than I anticipated. We have to get through a bit of emotional healing before we can get to what you all are waiting for (myself included 😂). I’m leaving on vacation next weekend for a week, so there will likely be a delay in posting the next part. Honestly, I haven’t even started it or really have a set idea of what I want to do with it, so there’s that too... Anyways, please enjoy! 💕

I’m not doing a tag list anymore because they’re really more trouble than their worth. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3.

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💙💜💚

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, language, NSFW

Word Count: 6,071

Elain was released from the hospital in the late afternoon the next day.

Viviane procured a pair of extra scrubs from Elain’s locker for her to change into, not before scolding them both for sharing her bed.

Azriel turned his back to her and ducked his head, offering her some privacy as she pulled the clean clothes on. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly sure where they stood as far as changing in front of each other. Yes, he did help bathe her after she had her nightmare, but that was a different type of intimacy, and he didn’t want to overstep her comfort levels.

“I’m finished,” she announced, flashing a grateful smile—one that told him he had been correct in his assumptions.

A knock on the door interrupted the silence that had settled over them.

“Come in,” Elain called.

The door swung open, revealing her boss.

“Thesan,” she greeted with a bright smile.

The doctor offered her one in return. “Hi, Elain. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

The corner of his lips quirked up. “I should expect nothing less coming from you. How’s the pain in your leg and walking.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“Elain,” he chastised, seeing right through her.

Azriel watched her cheeks flush with color at being caught in a lie. He had to hide a smile behind his hand.

She sighed. “It’s a little sore to stand on. And walking makes it hurt a bit. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

The dark male crossed his arms, assessing. “I’m clearing you off shifts for the next two weeks.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Thesan!”

But he held up a hand to stop her. “That is an order as your doctor and your boss. Give your leg and your body some time to heal. We’ll reassess in two weeks to see if you’re cleared for duty.”

“Thesan, please. It’s not that bad,” she all but whined.

“If you had a patient with the same injuries as you do, what would you tell them?” he challenged.

Elain’s mouth snapped shut, and she let out a huff of air in exasperation. “Fine, two weeks. But I’m coming back after that.”

The doctor chuckled, shaking his head. “We’ll see. I have three new first-year residents coming on board next week. I’ll break them in and get them situated. Once you come back, I’ll put you in charge of directing them. How’s that sound?”

Her eyes flashed to Azriel’s briefly before returning to her advisor. “That sounds great to me. Thank you, Thesan. For everything.”

He reached out, gripping her shoulder in a friendly embrace. “Always.”

Elain’s back stiffened at the touch.

Azriel froze. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, unsure of what to do. He respected her boundaries, and he didn’t want to step in unless it was deemed necessary. But he saw her shoulders relax under his hand and she offered up a smile at her boss—one he could tell didn’t quite touch her eyes. Az was curious as to how much the doctor knew about her past.

“Rest easy,” he murmured before departing their room.

He couldn’t stop the look of amusement from crossing his face.

Elain’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What?”

He shrugged, nonchalantly. “It’s a nice change to see the doctor getting doctored.”

She snorted. “You were a stubborn patient.”

“Pot, kettle, baby.”

She stuck out her tongue at him before sitting down on the edge of her bed to put her shoes on. Her hands hesitated, not wanting to touch the blood splatters that stained them. Elain let out an exhausted breath.

He knew it wasn’t so much the blood itself, but how she obtained the splatters. Azriel was kneeling in front of her in an instant, taking the shoes and slipping them onto her feet. Without looking up at her, he asked quietly, “Does he know?” His curiosity getting the best of him.

One thing that still amazed him was that he and Elain never needed to speak things aloud to know what the other was saying. He didn’t need to elaborate on what he was asking her. When he finished tying her shoes, he glanced up at her face.

She was watching him carefully, eyes full of sadness that sucked the wind from his lungs. “No,” she whispered. “Graysen attacked me during med school before I knew Thesan. I was doing better by the time I met him, so it didn’t seem like an appropriate conversation to have with him.”

He understood that.

“But thank you, though. For not interfering. I know you smacked Cash’s hand away from me yesterday, but that’s different. I need to be able to handle this on my own.”

Such stark, honest words.

“I would never want to insert myself into something that doesn’t concern me. Especially when it comes to you. I’m here to support you in however way you choose. But promise me if I do fuck up, that you’ll address it with me head-on.” He needed her to just be honest with him. The whole dynamic of their relationship (or whatever they were) was different now, and he wanted to make sure that they met every obstacle upfront.

Something changed on her face at his words. The sadness in her eyes was replaced with a softness that could only be described as gratitude. “You won’t—fuck up, that is—but I promise I will.”

“Well, if this isn’t a promiscuous position…”

Elain whirled on the bed as Azriel shot to his feet, finding Viviane, smirking like a cat, standing in their doorway.

“Promiscuous how?” Elain demanded.

A blonde brow disappeared into the nurse’s hairline. “Did I not just walk in on him down on one knee?”

The color drained from his face.

“Shit, you two aren’t engaged, are you?”

“Dear lord, Viv! No!” Elain hissed. “He was helping me put my shoes on.”

Viviane strolled further into the room. “How am I supposed to know! You and Axel here move between lightning-fast and glacial speeds. I took a guess.”

“Nope, you called me Azriel yesterday. No more of the Axel bullshit.” He crossed his arms as she stared him down. Tattooed lines peeked out beneath the t-shirt over his biceps stretching from the movement.

The sweet smile she flashed him sent shivers running down his spine. “It does bother you! I knew it.” Viviane cackled like a full-on witch.

Elain rose up off the bed, shaking her head. “Please tell me you’re bothering us because you have my discharge papers?”

She huffed in outrage. “You’re no fun, Ellie. But yes,” she waved said papers in the air. “I come bearing gifts of freedom. Sign them and drop them off at the nurse’s station on your way out.”

Taking the papers and shooing the nurse from the room, Elain began signing them, seemingly oblivious to the world around her.

Azriel took a minute just to study her profile. Fuck, she was beautiful. She had pulled her brown tresses up into a messy bun at the crown of her head. Strands of hair fell delicately around her face, over her ears, and down the back of her elegant neck.

Elain had been beautiful in high school—easily the most beautiful girl in school, though she’d deny it at every corner. But as an adult, she was devastating. Her child-like structure had grown into a gorgeous woman. All soft curves, rounded hips, and a fucking ass to boot.

Azriel would be lying if he said he hadn’t checked out Elain’s ass when they were living together, especially when she lounged around in those godforsaken leggings that drove him absolutely wild.

But it was more than that. Her hair had gotten longer—darker too than when he previously knew her. Her face filled out a bit more, leading to rounded cheeks that he loved to see turn pink. Her beautiful brown, expressive eyes that would change to a lovely honey color in the right lighting were framed by long, dark lashes.

And while he was an ass man through and through, it was her chest that had tormented him the most in that dress from the gala and the fundraiser. She had grown considerably there, even beating Nesta in that asset area.

It had been so long since he let himself think of her like that. But with their declarations yesterday, and wherever they currently sat relationship-wise, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering like that.

Elain tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re staring,” she stated obviously, her eyes still scanning the page of her release forms.

Busted.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asked, unsure if she didn’t like it.

She looked at him then. Assessed his question and weighed her answer. “No,” she replied honestly. “It doesn’t.” Her head cocked to the side as she debated something internally. “Where are we going after this?”

Azriel had been trying to figure out a way to bring up their current living situation. He didn’t want to assume that Elain wanted to go back to his place, but he also wasn’t sure if she felt comfortable to go back to hers too, given that was where all hell broke loose. He wanted it to be her choice. “Where would you like to go?”

Elain worried on her bottom lip with her teeth.

Fuck, he wanted to do that for her, but he restrained himself.

“Can we go back to your place?” she asked, voice incredibly small. It made his chest hurt. She fiddled with the pen in her lap. “I don’t know if I can go back to mine.”

“You don’t have to,” he said earnestly.

Elain met his gaze.

He added, “You don’t ever have to go back to that apartment if you don’t want. If you want to find a new place, you can, but you’re more than welcome to stay with me.”

“In your guest room?”

Azriel knew what she was hinting at. “In whatever room you wish to stay in.” Fuck, did he just ask her to move in with him? Shit, he hoped he didn’t scare her.

But she just studied him. No hint of fear or anxiety on her face. Elain stood, clutching the discharge papers in one hand, and held out her other to him. “Let’s go home,” she breathed.

The words clanged through him, making his heart beat rapidly in his chest. He laced their fingers together, knowing that whatever they faced in this world, no matter where they ended up, as long as she was beside him, he would always be home.

~~~

Azriel had called Cash to tell him that Elain had been released from the hospital and that they were going back to his place. His brother asked if they would mind the company, knowing both of her sisters were anxious to see her.

He relayed the question to her, giving her the choice to say no. But in the end, she agreed and said that they could meet them at the penthouse.

When they arrived, both sets of siblings were already there, if Cash’s Jeep and Rhys’s Range Rover were anything to go by. The ride up in the elevator was silent. Az had no idea why, but something itched at him under his skin. He assumed it was because he wanted to ensure Elain was comfortable.

He cleared his throat to get her attention without startling her. “If at any time you want them to leave, just say the word and I’ll kick them all out.”

Elain’s brow raised, but a small smile caught the corner of her mouth. “You’d kick Nesta out?” She huffed out a laugh. “I have a feeling she’ll be sleeping between us.” Seeming to realize what she had said, her face turned a light shade of pink.

Az reached out to touch her cheek, letting his thumb skim over the apple of it. He would never stop thanking the Mother that Elain seemed to melt into his touch. “Believe me when I say that nobody will be sleeping between us when it gets to that point.” He added the last bit to tell her that he didn’t expect anything from her. Did not ask for anything she wasn’t willing to give freely.

The elevator doors slid open, and he escorted her out. They had barely stepped into the entryway before they were ambushed by their family.

Azriel froze when Feyre and Nesta approached their sister, anticipating them to grab her into a hug. Knowing how she reacted to Cash’s touch, he stepped forward as if to intervene, if necessary, but the look from his brother had him stopping in his tracks. He watched as both Nesta and Feyre held out their hands to Elain instead.

Elain hesitated, her arms hovering between her and their outstretched palms. But then her shoulders relaxed as she released a breath and took their hands in hers.

He wasn’t sure which sister made the soft sobbing sound, but the three of them embraced each other and he knew she was okay.

His brothers smiled fondly at their wives before they turned their attention back to him.

It was Cash’s subtle nod towards the hallway behind him that gave him an uneasy feeling.

He cleared his throat again, breaking up the sister’s reunion.

Elain turned her head towards him.

“We’re going into my office for a minute. Will you be okay?” Az ignored how the others seemed to scrutinize their conversation.

“Yeah,” she finally breathed. “Yes, I’ll be fine.”

Again, he reached out to cup her cheek, then leaned forward to brush a kiss on her forehead.

Elain gripped his wrist and gave it a comforting squeeze before returning her attention to her sisters.

He also ignored the shocked look on everyone’s faces as he made his way towards his office, his brothers hot on his heels. He dropped into his chair behind his desk with a groan—his back aching in protest from the awkward position he slept in the night before.

Rhys shut the door to his office behind them.

Well, that couldn’t be good. “What’s the damage?”

Cash and Rhys exchanged a look before the former said, “She let you touch her. Not just touch, but kiss her.”

Az cocked an eyebrow.

“After what happened with Graysen, Elain had issues with being touched, as you know. But it was more particular with males than females. It took nearly two months after her freely allowing her sisters to touch her that she felt comfortable enough with casual touches from Cash and myself,” Rhys explained. “When Cash told me about her flinching from him on the tarmac, we assumed it’d be the same.”

“Is that what that whole hand thing with her sisters was about?” he asked genuinely curious. He wasn’t around during her initial trauma—then again, if he had been, she wouldn’t have been attacked. Just another tainted mark on his life.

“Stop,” Cassian snapped. “Whatever shit just went through your head, stop it. You’re not to blame for what happened in her past.”

Agree to disagree, then.

His brother shook his head, muttering something he chose not to hear under his breath. “To answer your question, yes. Feyre, Nesta, and Elain worked out a system to help identify when Elain was okay with being touched, and when she wasn’t. They would hold out their hands to her when they wanted to hug her or whatever,” he waved a hand in indifference. “If Elain took their hands, they were free to do so. If she ignored them, it meant she didn’t want to be touched. It was an idea her therapist came up with when she struggled to communicate her good days versus her bad ones.”

He blinked in surprise. “That’s actually—a well-thought-out idea.”

Rhys leaned back in his chair, crossing an ankle at the knee. “We adopted the method, but it took her two months before she took our hands too.”

“So, that brings us back around to the unspoken question of whether you two are back together or not.”

He rolled his eyes. “Subtle transition there, Cash.”

Cassian shot him a cheeky grin—one that told him he wasn’t getting out of the question.

Azriel sighed. “We haven’t had that conversation yet. I’m not putting that on her right now. But,” he couldn’t stop the stupid little grin on his face, “we admitted we still love each other.”

“It’s about damn time,” Rhys muttered. “Did you kiss her? A real one, not any of those forehead ones.”

He shook his head at his brother’s antics but refused to answer the question.

Violet eyes twinkled. “I’m taking your silence as a confirmation.”

“Why must you insert yourself into places where it doesn’t belong?”

“Speaking of inserting ourselves where we don’t belong,” Cash began, tracing his finger around the armrest of the chair he sat in. “Nesta has been on the phone nonstop for the last twenty-four hours handling calls with the police department on your behalf. I’ve modified a report so the entire warehouse incident looked like an FBI raid.”

Azriel stiffened. “You shouldn’t have done that for me.”

“It wasn’t just you, Az. Elain’s name popped up too. There were too many unanswered questions. Doing this covers us all.”

“Your ass is on the line, Cash,” he challenged. He refused to let his brother go down for his problems.

Cassian ran his tongue over his teeth—it was one of his signs that he was holding back on his temper. “I’m aware of that. But you are my brother and Elain is like my sister. I will do anything to make sure you two get your happily ever after, no matter what. I know what I’m doing. Plus, my smokin’ hot, attorney wife is coming in on the other side of your defense. We’re basically your wall of protection. So, don’t argue with me; just say thank you and be done with it.”

Rhys was grinning like a fiend. He got this sort of sick satisfaction when Cassian and Az got to arguing like that.

“Shut up, Rhys,” he snapped.

“I didn’t even say anything!”

A knock on his office door interrupted his retort as Nesta peeked her head in.

“Hey,” she greeted, her eyes landing on his.

Azriel sat up straight. “Is everything okay?” he asked, voice edged with worry.

Nesta opened the door wider to let herself in. “She’s fine. Feyre was going to help her take a shower. She said she felt gross. But she doesn’t have any clothes here. Do you have some she can borrow until we can figure out a living situation—”

“She’s staying here with me.” At her raised brow, he amended, “Or, at least she said she wanted to come here. The choice of where she wants to stay is up to her. But she didn’t want to go back to her apartment.”

Blue-gray eyes scrutinized him; seemed to pick apart his words until she was satisfied with his answer. Nodding in agreement, she said, “About the change of clothes.”

Azriel was already out of his chair. “Yes, she can borrow some of mine until we get hers over here. Or wherever she wants to go.”

Nesta turned her attention to her husband. “Can you throw something together for food? Maybe like some soup or anything else comforting. I think Ellie will like that.”

Cassian followed his lead, standing up out of his chair. “Yes, of course. Az, what do you have in your fridge?”

“Everything. Have at it,” he answered, striding from his office and up the stairs to his bedroom. He grabbed a t-shirt, boxers, and a pair of sweatpants from his dresser when he noticed the black box still sitting on top.

The necklace.

Reaching out for it, he pulled back the lid to look at the necklace lying on the velvet cushion. His thumb stroked the pendant once before he snapped the box shut and shoved it into his top dresser drawer. He’d eventually offer it back to Elain—but not now.

Az made his way to the guest bedroom where Elain was showering. He heard Feyre talking downstairs as he approached, so he knocked on the bathroom door. “Elain, I’ve brought you some clothes. Do you want me to bring them in there or leave them out here?”

At her extended silence, he grew worried. He knew that being alone with your thoughts after events like what she experienced could drown you. His heart ached at the thought of her feeling such despair. “Elain, are you okay? Can I come in?” His ears strained to hear anything besides the running water through the closed door.

A heartbeat passed.

Then another.

Until finally, there! Was that a sniffled cry?

“Elain?” he tried again, twisting the nob in his hand, finding it unlocked. “Hey, I’m coming in.” Az pushed his way through the doorway and was met with a cloud of steam. “El,” he tried, stepping further into the bathroom. The door clicked shut behind him and he turned towards the running shower.

He found her sitting on the marble floor, legs bent, arms wrapped around her knees. Her face was buried in the small opening she created for herself. Pale shoulders shook from the force of her held in sobs.

“Shit,” he swore, tossing the spare clothes onto the counter. He kicked off his shoes and socks before stepping into the scalding water—it nearly burnt his skin and he cursed, reaching out to turn the temperature down.

Elain’s pale flesh had darkened to a bright red.

Fuck, he hoped she hadn’t burnt herself.

His clothes stuck to his body like a second layer of skin, but he didn’t care as he sat down next to her and pulled her naked body across his lap. “Hey,” he cooed, his hand caressed her soaked hair down her back. “I’m here,” he breathed.

Angry, red lines ran down her arms like she had scratched at her skin until it nearly bled. “I can still feel the blood of them,” she whispered through her cries.

Az tucked her tighter against him, his chin rested on her head. “There’s no blood, love.”

“I killed them,” she sobbed loudly, burying her head into his chest.

He knew the others could hear her—their footsteps running up the stairs told him that. He had barely twisted to cover her body with his own when the bathroom door flew open.

“Get out,” he ordered, looking at the four siblings.

His brothers, seeing her naked form, retreated hastily back into the bedroom. But neither of Elain’s sisters budged.

He knew she would hate to be seen like this, the vulnerability of the position she was in. “I’ve got it, get out,” he said more insistently.

Gratitude flashed across Feyre’s face before she pushed Nesta out the door and shut it behind her.

Azriel didn’t speak again to Elain, knowing she needed to just let her emotions out. He kept her held against him, rocking her gently until her nails that she had dug into his chest had flattened over his sternum. He kept her ear pressed over his heart—let the steady rhythm of it calm her. His hands never stopped moving over her body as he kissed the top of her head.

They sat for who knows how long in the spray of the shower, but it was long enough that the water had gone cool.

“Does it ever stop?” she asked, voice so quiet, he almost missed it over the sound of the running water. “Picturing what you’ve done?”

He wanted to tell her yes—wanted to give her that reassurance. But it would be a lie. “No. Not really. You’ll always remember what happened, what you had to do to survive. But with time, it gets easier.” Azriel pulled back enough to look down at her; he used his hand to cup her jaw and force her gaze to his. “Elain, you are not a bad person. This does not make you a murderer. What you did, you did to survive. We both would not be here now if it weren’t for you.”

“I’ve broken my vow.” The words sounded shattered, edged with guilt and shame.

It took him a moment to realize what she meant. Her vow as a doctor to never take a life. He had forgotten what it would mean to her. It was beyond her survival. She had broken some fundamental rule cast upon herself—one he wouldn’t understand because he couldn’t. It was different to her; the whole situation was different for her. “By breaking that vow, you saved my life, Elain. You saved me. And I know it doesn’t mean much in reality now, but I owe you everything because of it. I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent that from happening, but this does not make you any less of a doctor, or a human. You survived through it and you’re going to survive through the challenge of moving on.” His thumb swept over her cheek, a movement of reassurance. “You’re so strong, Elain. There isn’t anything you can’t get through. I promise you that.”

She leaned into his touch; her eyes fluttering shut. “How do I move past it?” she whispered, looking up into his face with such hope. It stole every ounce of air from his lungs.

He kept his thumb moving, let the soothing strokes of it calm her. “You remember all the good things in your life and you thank God or the Mother or whatever higher power you believe in that you get to live another day with those you care about.”

Elain wrapped her arms around his neck. It was a gesture of comfort. One he reciprocated ten-fold.

She kissed the side of his neck, the softness of it made a shiver run down his spine. “We should probably get out now.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, standing up with ease, her still cradled in his arms. With practiced precision, he turned the showerhead off and climbed out. Az gently set her down on the counter, then quickly snatched the towel from the rack and wrapped it around her body. He reached under her sink to grab a second towel for himself, though it was fairly useless to dry off his soaked t-shirt and jeans.

Elain slipped off the counter and secured her towel around her chest. “Here, let me,” she said, taking his from him. Her hand closed around the hem of his shirt and she looked up at him, nodding for him to pull it off.

Azriel reached behind his head and shucked the wet fabric off and tossed it over to the tub. It made a slapping sound against the porcelain.

He heard her suck in a breath, and then she reached up her hand and laid it flat against his bare chest.

He didn’t dare breathe as she touched him.

Elain let her fingers splay over his sternum, felt the warm skin beneath. She traced a line of his tattoo, similarly to how she did that night she removed his stitches. Beautiful doe-eyes blinked up at him. Golden strands woven within the chocolate brown of her irises glowed in the florescent lighting. “Will you kiss me?” she breathed.

Like he could ever tell her no.

Az brought his hand to her head, tilting it upwards. He searched her face, just to be sure that she wanted this. When he found no signs of hesitation, he leaned down and kissed her softly.

She melted into his embrace, her body going a bit languid.

“I love you,” he said against her lips.

She whimpered, rising up on her tiptoes to kiss him more fully. “I love you, too.”

His fingers threaded through her wet hair, combing through the tangles. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that.” He wouldn’t. Hearing Elain tell him she loved him is singlehandedly the best words ever spoken to him.

She pulled back to look up at him. “I’ll tell you every day then,” she told him honestly, leaning forward to kiss his chest. Elain pressed her cheek to his pec.

Fuck, she was so small compared to him. He wrapped his arms around her, securing her against him.

“Can you tell the others to go home?” she asked quietly. “I just want to spend time alone with you right now.”

His heart swelled. “Of course. Let me change and I’ll go ask them to leave.” He dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “I brought you some clothes to change into. We’ll get you some tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Az.”

He smiled fondly at her before slipping from the bathroom and heading back to his bedroom. Quickly drying off, he pulled on a pair of dry sweats and another t-shirt, making his way back downstairs to his family. They were sitting at the bar conversing quietly but turned to look at him.

“Is she okay?” Nesta asked.

He nodded. “She’s fine. But she wants to be alone. I hate to ask, but can you guys give us some time?”

Both of her sisters hesitated, not wanting Elain to go through this by herself.

“You’ll call us if anything changes?” Nesta asked, not wanting to leave but also not wanting to crowd her sister.

“You know I will.”

“I made some vegetable soup. It’s one of Elain’s favorites, or as close to her favorite as I could muster with lack of prep work,” Cassian said, pointing to the pot simmering on the stove.

“Thank you, Cash. She’ll appreciate that.”

His brothers clapped him on the shoulder as they left. Once the elevator doors slid closed, Az began ladling soup into two bowls. He pulled out a breakfast tray and loaded it up with their dinner, then grabbed two water bottles from his fridge and a pack of saltine crackers from the pantry.

Balancing the tray with one hand, he practically jogged back up the stairs and into his guest bedroom. Only to find it empty. “Elain?” he called, heading back to the hallway and down to his bedroom.

He found her standing at his dresser, staring at the picture of him and his brothers. The one she took of them that summer the six of them went to Rhys’s parents’ cabin.

“I love this picture of the three of you,” she stated, glancing at him. Her eyes landed on the tray he was carrying. “What’s that?”

“Dinner. Cash made vegetable soup before they left.” He noticed her hair had been brushed back. “Did you brush your hair?”

A lovely pink dusted her cheeks. “Yeah, I borrowed your hairbrush. I hope that was okay.”

Az set the tray on the top of his dresser. “You can borrow anything you want.” His eyes traveled down her form, noticing for the first time that she wasn’t wearing the sweats he brought her.

Noticing his gaze, her hands gripped the hem of his shirt.

Fuck she looked good in his clothes.

“The sweats were too big—slid right off my hips.”

He frowned. “Not that I don’t mind you wearing my stuff, we’ll get some clothes for you here tomorrow.” He nodded towards his bed. “Sit.”

Elain did as she was told, folding her legs into a crisscross style.

Azriel set the tray on the bed and handed her a bowl, sitting down next to her with his own. “Cash said vegetable soup is your favorite?”

She took a bite, nodding. “It is. There’s a Mexican restaurant downtown that makes a spicy vegetable soup. I love to get it when I’m feeling under the weather. Cash has tried to make it by taste—the owner always refuses to give him the recipe—but he always seems to be missing something. He’s made it his mission to try and replicate it.”

He couldn’t stop the deep chuckle that echoed from his chest. “That sounds like Cash. Once he sets his mind to something, there’s no going back.”

Elain huffed out a laugh, her eyes going back to the photograph. “That’s not the frame I gave you that picture in.” There was nothing accusatory in her tone, only general curiosity. He was surprised she realized it wasn’t the same one, though he probably shouldn’t have been.

Az scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, the old one got broken by accident.”

Her brows furrowed in the most adorable way. “How’d it break?”

He knew he’d eventually have to tell her, he just thought he’d have more time to come up with a better way of explaining it. “Cassian and I got into a pretty bad fight the night of graduation until it came to blows.”

Golden-brown eyes softened and she tucked a lock of her still drying hair behind her ear. “Over me.”

It wasn’t a question, but he still nodded. “When Rhys pulled Cash off me, he slammed into the wall and knocked the picture frame there.” He set his mostly empty bowl back on the tray, twisting to face her more fully. “Elain, I can’t explain how sorry I am for the pain I caused you back then.” His gaze dropped to his lap, shame washing over him. “That will always be my biggest regret.”

There was a moment where she paused to contemplate his words. Elain set her own bowl back down, then moved the tray over to the nightstand on her side of the bed, and crawled onto his lap. Her hands rested on his shoulders, felt the strength there before she slipped them into his hair.

His fingers went to her waist, steadying her on his lap, but he still refused to look up at her. The guilt he felt, even to this day, was enough to swallow him whole.

She tugged on the strands of his hair, forcing him to look at her. “I forgive you, Azriel.”

When he tried to pull his head away, her grip tightened on his locks, holding him in place. It didn’t stop his eyes from shooting downcast towards their laps. To the plastic bandage that covered the stitches in her thigh. His thumb trailed down past the edge of his boxers to her bare thigh. He lightly swiped it over the covered wound.

“Azriel, look at me.”

His entire body shuddered at the way she reverently said his name.

She tugged more forcefully on his hair. “Hey, look at me.”

Finally, he met her gaze. Let her see the harbored guilt he bore.

Her hands settled onto his jaw, thumbs sweeping under the high arches of his cheekbones. “We do not let our past mistakes define us. They do not get to dictate how much happiness we deserve now.” Another pass of her thumbs on his face had the weight he carried lifting from his shoulders. “I forgive you, Azriel. The question that remains is whether you can forgive yourself.”

The truth of her words weighed on him. He knew she was correct—that he couldn’t carry around this guilt and pain for the rest of his life. He deserved to finally be free and she sure as hell didn’t deserve to have the burden thrust upon her shoulders. “Over time, I think I could.”

She smiled sadly at him, not in pity but with understanding. “Then you’ll have it. Whatever time you need. Just promise me that you will work towards finding that healing within yourself. You deserve to not carry your past on your shoulders, Az. You’re allowed to move forward and be happy.”

His arms wrapped around her waist, tugging her closer to him so he could kiss her properly. His scarred palm splayed across her lower back, pressing her into his chest.

Elain reciprocated earnestly, letting his tongue tangle with hers.

They kissed until they had to break apart to breathe.

She leaned her forehead against his, panting, but there was a dopy-type of smile on her face.

Az dropped a kiss to her nose before sliding down the bed and letting her lie on top of him. Her weight was comforting and it didn’t take long for her eyes to close and her breathing to even out. He let her stay like that, fingers running through her hair. Content to just watch her sleep until well into the night.

~~~~~

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